#to love a part of the shitty world he lives in and thus make it slightly less shitty in the process | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

waheelawhisperer · 1 year

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Since I have OCs of my own, I'm curious, how do you go about making yours?

Oh God there are so many ways

Sometimes a stupid idea pops into my head and won't go away until I turn it into a story or character (FUCKING @norondor put Rhine Labs Arthurian Yuri into my brain and now I want to write about hot babe knights and beautiful courtly ladies kissing in secluded castle gardens, for example). This is how I got Greedy, a powerful and ancient dragon who is obsessed with VTubers.

Sometimes I just want to have adventures in the media I consume and come up with a character that lets me do that. In these instances, I typically start by making them someone I'd want to be (skills, personality, physical features, etc) and then decide to give them flaws so that they feel like people instead of strict wish fulfillment. Blatant self-indulgence is nice, but I would typically rather my characters have enough complexity to feel real. Feilan came about when I decided to just make an OC to project on instead of using poor Jaune for the purpose.

Sometimes I have an idea for a story, whether that be in terms of plot, setting, themes, and need characters to bring that to life. For Agara's story, which I still need a title for beyond "Hot Demon Lady Causes Problems On Purpose", I needed Calvin's life to be shitty enough that he'd be socially ostracized and more open to her manipulations, so I created a classist bully to make him miserable. In a lot of ways, this story is about how vulnerable, isolated young men can be groomed and radicalized and how dangerous that pipeline can be, wrapped up in a fantasy setting, so when I created Calvin, I made him the type of person who would be very susceptible to that kind of manipulation - low social status, unpopular with his peers, not particularly conventionally attractive or charismatic, lacking a useful support system, and desperate to change all that. I am not ashamed to admit that I drew on my own experiences here.

Other times I just have a cool idea for a character design that needs a story to go with it, which is how one of the characters of my high fantasy WIP came into being - I thought he was interesting and crafted a world around him.

Sometimes (a lot of the time), I am inspired by other media (fucking Arknights God damn it it keeps giving me brainworms) and create characters based on that. I saw a lovely art piece depicting Texas Arknights permanently removing Mostima from Exusiai's life in a fashion very in sync with her mafia roots and built a setting, plot, and group of characters from it (including a woman who is The Worst Bisexual Representation Ever but I'm pretty sure would also make tumblr sapphics feral on main).

Sometimes I am just horny and create Women I Think Are Hot.

In terms of the actual character creation process, I first identify what caused me to create the character (and thus what's already in place) and then go from there. Sometimes the design/role is already there and the template is already partially filled, but if I'm making a character from scratch, I start by figuring out what their purpose in the narrative is. With Feilan, I knew that the goal was at least in part to let me live out self-indulgent fantasies and have adventures in a world I found interesting (later on, he became my chew toy. This bad boy can fit so much trauma and comedic suffering in him), so I designed a character with physical features I had or wanted to have at the time: tall, built like a linebacker, attractive (but not too attractive. I wanted him to be good-looking, but not so hot women swoon when he walks in a room), deep voice, smart, compassionate, good at adapting on the fly, etc - and I will leave it up to you guys to figure out which traits I have and which ones I want. Then I figured out how I wanted him to dress. I was big into Jojo's Bizarre Adventure at the time and Jotaro's hat/coat combo has infected my brain ever since I first saw it, so I gave Feilan a cool hat and a long black coat. Since he was built on the Jaune self-insert template, I armed him with a sword and shield so I didn't have to modify too much.

Then it was time to figure out, more or less, what I wanted the plot to look like and what traits Feilan needed to have to make that happen. I kind of folded this together with the "give him flaws" stage because I needed those flaws to prevent a quick (and distinctly unsatisfying) resolution in either direction, so I made him good at thinking on his feet and outmaneuvering people (often half by accident or because they overestimate him) and able to plan effectively, but I also made him a bit of a hypocrite, prone to lashing out, self-centered, and afraid of facing the consequences of his own mistakes and then packed him full of some wonderful self-loathing.

The next step was deciding what themes I wanted to delve into. I knew the plot (roughly) of the first Feilan story and what it offered in terms of thematic exploration, so I decided to investigate masculinity, specifically through the lense of male isolation, male insecurity, male physical and emotional vulnerability, and male physical/emotional/sexual abuse. I realized this gave me a great vehicle to discuss masculinity in general, particularly toxic masculinity and what it means to be a man, so I gave Feilan daddy issues by creating Sten-Bjorn Varg (how do I do the symbol on top of the o on my phone someone help me), a Tough Manly Viking Man who has no idea what to do with a son that is very much not a Tough Manly Viking Man and picks a terrible strategy for dealing with that conundrum. I gave Feilan a set of beliefs about how a man Should Be (strong, stoic, doesn't need to ask for help) and started challenging those beliefs and breaking them down over the course of the story.

Then I considered the relationships I wanted him to have with others. I knew I wanted him to be close with Team RWBY, so I needed reasons they'd want to be around him. Being good-looking and not a dickbag is a good start, but if I wanted a real bond, I had to give him a little extra. I made him very laid-back and friendly and a good listener (and willing to cover for/go along with their shenanigans) so they'd be comfortable opening up to him and made him good at book learning so he could help Ruby with her schoolwork and otherwise serve as a mentor figure (and all this gave me the opportunity for delicious angst that fed into his self-esteem/self-loathing issues because every relationship he has is built on the lie that he deserves to be at Beacon).

Then it was time to just come up with the little things that made him feel like a person but weren't specifically plot-relevant. He has a sweet tooth and likes hot chocolate, he enjoys reading and playing video games but isn't a huge fan of watching TV, he's not particularly artistic, he enjoys exercise but not really fighting (outside of a spar. He doesn't get a thrill from it like Yang does) or the brutal training most of his mentors put him through, he doesn't really understand how to dress formally (or dress himself to best advantage in general), he's not very good at flirting or handling being flirted with, etc.

Meanwhile Bluebonnet came about because I thought the world needed more tall blonde big titty bisexual cowgirls with thick Texas accents and I was so right for that. I've been haphazardly slapping bits of characterization onto her like a clay figurine ever since. I started with her appearance, then moved to her personality and fighting style, and built a backstory from there.

Tl;dr there are a ton of ways I make an OC.

#feilan varg #bluebonnet mckiernan #agara

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creaturefeaster · 2 years

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How did Tanner, April & Leon all meet & get together?

Oooh okay they've got a pretty specific background, lemme get into it. This is a long one.

Their backstories have been juggled around a lot the last few years, so to anyone who knows them deeply-- this is their definitive story. At least I'd like to think it is.

So Tanner and April have known each other for most of their lives. They both grew up outside of Lystrike, a couple of hours off aways in a more populated (though still rather rinky-dink) town.

They were pretty close growing up, sharing the same taste in music and movies, similar hobbies, etc. April often pulled Tanner out of his comfort zone getting them into trouble now and then, but in turn Tanner tended to keep April's rambunctious tendencies from getting too extreme.

As for Leon, he was born and raised in Lystrike. It's a very boring town growing up, because there'd be like. Maybe 5 other kids close to his age and none of them he could really click with. He's a social butterfly for sure, but there was no real connection with many people his age in town.

Leon wouldn't meet April and Tanner until he reached his teens; His father would take the time to drive him out to the closest big town's fall festival one year, which happened to be in April and Tanner's hometown. They'd all be around 14 or 15 at this point.

Now, around this point, April was more withdrawn than normal. She was going through a lot at the time and wouldn't go out very much. Tanner's family would take him to the festival by chance the same day Leon's dad took him, but April would miss their initial encounter.

Even in their slightly more populated hometown, it's very obvious when someone out of town is visiting. Especially someone of a similar age. Thus, Tanner without his close friend and Leon the socialite he is looking to find people to connect with while he had the chance, it was bound to be that they'd meet each other.

Tanner is not much of a talker, especially not to strangers, but Leon with his funny quirks and his desire for friendship made their initial meet up feel rather natural. They would click pretty well, even if Leon did most of the talking. Tanner would spend a couple of hours directing him to the best parts of the festival, as he knew this yearly occasion like the back of his hand.

It was only a two or three hour connection before Leon had to go, but it would make Leon's whole week! Even if he had no real way of maintaining contact with Tanner, he'd say he'd love to come back next year. Leon is definitely someone Tanner would remember come time for the next festival to take place.

That encounter by itself wouldn't be notable enough to tell April about it, but the next fall when April had time to come out of her slum, she would be there alongside Tanner at the festival once more. Tanner, remembering Leon, would go pretty much every day with April while the festival was around (which spanned a week.) And sure enough Leon would be there again :3!

All three would be together for the first time. April would love his energy, and the fact that Leon took to her bluntless rather gracefully, which is usually a hard hump for many to get over.

Leon this time would have a shitty little cellphone device that he would use to keep in contact with Tanner and April after he inevitably had to leave.

Their initial friendship would be sparse. For a couple of years it'd be mostly Leon prompting calls every now and then, when the timing was right and the service was clear. Yes, even in a world full of magic, cell service still manages to suck out in the middle of nowhere u_u.

As they all approached their 20's though, things between them picked up more and more. Leon couldn't leave town for festivals any longer due to his father's poor health, so he'd call more often. April would become fed up with her home life, and spend a lot of time trying to convince Tanner to drive them out of town for road trips. He would oblige once, and they would make plans to go on a drive to Lystrike where Leon resides.

It feels far from home to April, and she loves it. She is more occupied by the location than she is with Leon or even Tanner, so a lot of hanging out during this time tends to exclude April. This is kind of a reoccurring theme with her, as they decide to visit Leon a few more times afterwards.

Eventually, fate would find that Leon's father would pass away, and his mother had already been deceased for some time, and so he was kind of left by his lonesome but with a house now in his name.

Ape and Tanner would later go down to visit to make things a little less lonely for him. April would be the first to suggest that maybe, they could all live together. She wants out of her house, loves this weird little town, and feels happier here overall. Leon is honestly totally down, butttttt. Tanner isn't as sure.

Now at this time, Tanner and April have been in an on and off relationship of sorts, so it's hard for him to choose what he wants here. He has a fine life back in town, but he knows how much April dislikes it there. But out here, it's so isolated and barren and he isn't sure if that's what he wants in life. Plus, what sorts of jobs could he even take around here that he'd be happy with?

Funny enough though, the helping factor in this is actually Frigus. He does tag along with them when they go to meet Leon pretty often. He would be the one to mention the old job board in the middle of town has had a listing for a job very in line with Tanner's interests. Which would be hunting, more specifically the job would be population control.

It'd take a lot more convincing from all angles, but Tanner eventually caves, and decides fuck it, why not. The bills are cheap, the house is already paid in full and Leon isn't going to be able to use a 2 bedroom + basement house to it's fullest. So again, why not?

...And so the occasional visitors would eventually become permanent residents of Lystrike! April can feel like herself here, Leon is no longer lonely, and Tanner gets to do work he enjoys. Plus, they all go on road trips to shitty concerts and other events on the occasion, when the quiet town of Lystrike gets a little too boring.

That's their story.

#brambleramble

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lveclouds · 2 years

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↬ pairing: model! kim seokjin x university student reader, other members will make appearances

↬ genre/aus: heavy angst, zero to no fluff, (i’m so sorry y’all), non idol au, lovers to exes, slight college/university au

↬ wc: 3.2k

↬ summary: in which the idealistic love you crave, mostly seen in the cliche rom-coms, turns sour after your once blissful relationship with your longtime boyfriend comes crashing down.

↬ rating(s): pg15, nc17 (see warnings)

↬ tw: heavy swearing, heartbreak, (yup this one’s a sad one folks), sad ending, broken relationship (jin becomes too busy and begins to neglect reader), zero fluff (well, ok, maybe like a crumb or two), the other members are actual sweethearts and reader’s support system in this drabble <3, slight mentions of cheating rumors (jin doesn’t actually cheat on reader, its mere speculation)

↬ a/n: this drabble is part of the ‘footnote’ drabble series and is based off the song ‘movies’ by conan gray, which, is an absolute banger by the way (i highly recommend it) also yeah this one’s going to be sad asf im so so sorry:(( sending y’all all the hugs and tissues <3333

at first, loving jin was easy, it was almost natural. he was unfailingly polite, a true gentleman, intelligent, and not to mention unbelievably handsome. it was a given, you supposed, since jin happened to be the most sought-after model in korea. he was also one of the youngest to have ever broken out into the fashion industry, having his first career break at just the age of nineteen.

jin was also goofy, and always knew how to make you laugh, especially when you were feeling down after a shitty day of classes, having to deal with equally shitty professors. he often surprised you with spontaneous dinner dates, heart-warming and dizzying kisses under starlit skies, and the countless presents he’d gifted you, special occasion or not.

you’d been so certain that a relationship between him, a famous fashion model and you, a sleep-deprived and financially unstable university student would never work. after all, jin could make anyone fall for him without as so much as breathing. all it would take is one charming and alluring smile, and anyone would fall hook, line, and sinker. he was devastatingly handsome, with black hair that fell over chiseled cheekbones, light brown eyes that held nothing but kindness and warmth, and plush lips that always looked so kissable.

of course, jin had proven to you that that wasn’t the case, and that he had no desire to date anyone in the industry, regardless of the expectations that the media, or really, anyone had of him. “no one is allowed to tell me who i should or shouldn’t date, because even if they did, i wouldn’t listen.” jin had said on the night he’d confessed to you, when you’d doubted anyone would approve of him dating a college student.

“i may not be perfect, in fact, i’m anything but that. i’m quite self-deprecating, despite how confident i seem, and i actually hate being asked questions about myself. i’d rather be asked the stupidest questions than what my favorite dining spot in europe is, or whether this rumor about me is true. i guess what i’m trying to say that i’m human, i have doubts and fears and get my heart broken just like everyone else in this world. and, because i’m human, i can love whoever i want, and if the world doesn’t approve, then fuck it. i like you, and that’s all that matters.”

his confession was enough to tug at your heartstrings and win you over, for you’d tearfully said that you felt the same. you’d then been pulled into a kiss that was so dizzying it made your legs weak, and if it’d not been for jin’s strong arms holding you close, then you would’ve collapsed, right then and there. and thus, your relationship began, every date, every stolen kiss, and all the sweet gestures all felt straight out of a fairytale, a typical rom-com film, even.

you’d always been somewhat of a hopeless romantic, living vicariously through the cheesy and cliche rom-coms you’d watch on rainy days, often fantasizing about what your own relationship would be like, crying over countless romance books, yearning and wishing that you too could have a “perfect” romance.

the rom-coms always made love look so effortless, with the girl and the guy falling head over heels for each other, and through a crazy twist of fate, they’d end up together, blissfully happy and ignorant of the troubles they’d likely face. of course, you’d always ignore the negative sides to a relationship, trapping yourself in a happy bubble.

it was easy to love jin, for despite his busy schedule, always made time for you, no matter if he was set to walk new york fashion the next day and had to be on a plane at dawn, he always, always, made sure to spend time with you before jetting off to yet another fashion show or photoshoot.

there were times where jin rarely got to see you, and while your days were lonely and often quiet, you couldn’t bring yourself to resent him. after all, you had agreed to enduring the late night calls and texts, and sometimes, nothing at all. jin’s career was taking off, and you would hate yourself if you got in the way of him doing what he loved.

thus, you learned to cope with jin’s absence, throwing yourself into your studies, trying to think about anything but jin, who was million miles away, probably partying with famous models and walking the runway, with thousands of cameras pointed at him, shutters clicking away. he would text you every now and then, checking up on you, and asking if you were okay.

and because you hadn’t wanted to worry him, you’d lied everytime, saying that you were fine, and that you hoped that he was getting plenty of rest and eating a proper meal whenever he could, and that you loved him. jin had been the one to say it first, on your one-year anniversary, gazing at you as if you were the only star in the sky, full of pure and unadulterated love.

dating long distance was hard, and before you knew it, everything came crashing down. jin started to pull away from you, not bothering to text and call like he usually did, and his visits home were short, fleeting, even, and he’d leave you with a mere kiss on the cheek. you’d tried not to resent him for it at first, for you knew that jin had a lot on his plate, and had so much pressure surrounding him.

jin also cared a lot about his reputation and career, as it’d taken him years for the public to see him as more than just a pretty face, though he tried not to show it. you could tell, though, from the way his broad shoulders would tense in interviews whenever the journalist would ask him about his love life or anything else invasive. he was careful not to tell them who he was dating, just that he was seeing someone.

it’d hurt, you’d admit, for jin to refer to you as an anonymous person, and not someone who was dear to him. but then, jin had a reputation to uphold, and there was no way he’d not be criticized for dating a non-model. then, the rumors started. you’d tried to pay them no mind, for you knew jin would never cheat on you, but then, the pictures were released. pictures of jin with his arm around a gorgeous, slim, model with a smile plastered on his face, one that was usually directed at you, light brown eyes soft, crinkling at the corners.

the pictures were enough to make your heart ache, and start to doubt that jin actually loved you. you waited and waited for an explanation from jin, confirmation that none of the rumors were true and vice versa, but none was given. you’d spend the following weeks sobbing into your pillow every night, shoving all the presents and gifts jin gave you in your closet, for the sight of them made you even more devastated than you already were.

thankfully, your sulking didn’t last long, for your best friends, namjoon, jungkook, jimin, taehyung, yoongi, and hoseok bombarded you with texts and calls and voicemails, all of which you ignored, for you couldn’t bring yourself to face them in the horrid state you were in.

after about a week or two, said friends barged into your dorm, led by jimin, whose expression was unreadable, green eyes filled with sadness. you’d burst out into tears then, feeling your heart ache so much it almost hurt, and spent thirty minutes sobbing into jimin’s chest, while your other friends gathered around you and rubbed comforting circles into your back.

yoongi insisted on making you meals, despite your protests, sending namjoon and hoseok to the grocery store on campus for ingredients. jungkook made it his duty to watch each and every single episode of haikyu with you, making a huge bowl of popcorn for you to share, and wrapping you up in a soft blanket he’d brought from his own dorm.

taehyung’s way of comforting you was a bit unique, to say the least. the blue-haired male was known for being a bit overprotective, at least when it came to his friends and the people he cared about. thus, he insisted on taking you shopping to buy new outfits, one that would “make jin realize that he’s being a fucking asshole” (his words). when you’d asked him how you buying new clothes was relevant, taehyung had simply said, “if he doesn’t end up on your doorstep, kneeling and begging you for forgiveness, then let’s just say my efforts are in vain.”

taehyung’s plan, it turned out, was to dress you up in countless outfits, ones that made you feel and look confident, more so than you had been in months, then post them all over social media, in hopes that jin would see you, immediately feel guilty about he’s been treating you lately, and come running back. but of course, it was only in vain, for jin had only seen those pictures as a sign that you were happy, and nothing was wrong.

and because you were feeling petty and hurt and neglected, you asked jimin to be your pretend boyfriend. jimin, to your surprise, had agreed. “why not? and who would pass up the chance to make the kim seokjin jealous?” and so, you’d posted pictures with jimin’s arm around you as you both sat in the campus starbucks, gazing at each other as if you were deeply in love, flirty smiles plastered on jimin’s face in every single one.

it was wrong, and you knew that, but a part of you wanted to see what jin would do, how he’d react to an unknown man all over his girlfriend. frustratingly enough, it didn’t work, and you felt completely and utterly helpless. to distract you, namjoon took you on countless museum dates (purely platonic, of course), took you on relaxing bike rides and picnics, and even to a greenhouse, where you admired colorful flowers and plants alike.

hoseok was a dance major, and often had the university’s dance studio to himself. so, at dawn, he dragged you out of bed and to the spacious studio, teaching you choreography to your favorite txt songs. and, for the first time in weeks, you’d finally forgotten all about the man you once thought so highly of.

then, because the universe was so cruel, jin showed up on your doorstep about a month later, looking as resplendent and handsome as ever in a soft, oversized white sweater and dark jeans. his long black hair was now a startling shade of lavender, making his light brown eyes pop. luckily, your friends had insisted on staying with you, and had been so for the last few weeks, and were the ones that saved you from talking. namjoon, ever the one to take charge, had pushed you behind him immediately, and you felt jungkook’s arm bracketing your waist, holding you tight, and jimin and taehyung’s warm hands on your shoulders.

hoseok and yoongi flanked namjoon on either side, looking every bit intimidating, arms crossed and giving jin the iciest glares they could muster. and, under any other circumstances, you would’ve found the sight hilarious. namjoon practically towered over jin, and he looked down at the latter, expression cold.

“what the hell do you want?” he asked, and despite the calm in namjoon’s voice, you could make out the telltale twitch of his jaw, which meant that the tall male was anything but happy. “i just need to talk to my girlfriend-” jin started, and namjoon cut him off with a cruel laugh.

“do you really think you have the right to call her that after the way you’ve treated her lately? y/n’s really too good for you, i mean, if i were her, i would’ve dumped your sorry ass the minute those articles came out.” at that, jin’s eyebrows furrowed with confusion. “what articles?”

yoongi scoffed. “drop the act, yeah?” “what are you talking about?” hoseok let out a tired sigh. “the articles. you know, the ones about you dating that model.” jin’s face had paled. “what?” namjoon chuckled lowly. “you seriously didn’t know?” “n-no i had no idea.” jin stammered.

“ok, fine, let’s say you didn’t know. so, if it’s not true, then why the hell didn’t you call y/n to tell her that?” jin, for once, was at a loss for words, and namjoon just regarded him calmly, crossing his muscular arms over his broad chest. “though you hurt y/n, she obviously still cares about you. i’ll let you talk to her, but if you make her cry even more than she already has, i will not hesitate to beat your ass.”

jin gulped nervously, but nodded. namjoon shifted slightly so that the former could pass, and yoongi and hoseok barely spared the model a glance as he walked over to where you were standing with jimin, jungkook, and taehyung. jungkook immediately moved to stand next to you, arm never leaving your waist.

“here to gloat?” jimin snarled, light green eyes ablaze with anger, and jin winced. “no, i just want to talk.” jungkook tightened his grip on your waist ever so slightly, and you leaned into the touch a bit, heart hammering against your chest. “you can talk to her, but we’re not leaving.” taehyung cut in, glaring at jin, cerulean eyes cold.

jin managed a nervous smile, and slowly turned to face you, expression so sincere that you nearly gave in, but instead you fought the urge to run over and throw yourself into his arms. “explain.” you managed, voice raspy from disuse, and jin’s shoulders seemed to sag in relief. “i’m a shit boyfriend, i know that. i know that i haven’t been the best lately, and there’s no excuse for that. you deserve the entire world, to be loved and cherished and cared for. you don’t deserve to be treated like garbage, and yet, i went and did just that. i’m the biggest asshole on the planet for ghosting you for this long, for neglecting you. my pride and ego got the better of me, and all i could focus on was my career. what i should’ve done was pay more attention to you, be the boyfriend that you need, be there for you on your darkest days and to love and cherish you. as for the articles, i honestly had no idea that they even existed. while i did attend an afterparty after the fashion show, all i wanted to do was get on the first plane back home. i had to apologize for neglecting you, i couldn’t wait any longer.”

as jin spoke, you fought back the tears, feeling your heart ache with each and every word. you were thankful that jungkook, jimin, and taehyung hadn’t left your side, for you were certain that with jin in front of you, you wouldn’t be able to function, let alone stand. “please, let me find a way to make it up to you.” jin pleaded, light brown eyes shining with desperate tears, and exhaled slowly, in an attempt to soothe your beating heart.

“i-i’m sorry, jin, but i don’t think i can do that.” you murmured, sounding calmer than you felt, voice hoarse from disuse. “while i appreciate that you flew all the way here to apologize to me, don’t you think you could’ve done so sooner? i mean, it’s been months, jin. months. do you understand how hurt i was when you’d stopped texting and calling? i wasn’t asking for much, i just wanted to know if you were okay and if you were eating properly and getting enough rest. hell, i wouldn’t even cared if you sent me a fucking period, as long as i know you’re okay. i just wanted to see your face, just once, but i knew you were busy, and i didn’t want to disturb you. god, i tried not to resent you all this time, but you’ve made it impossible not to.”

you took a deep, bracing breath before continuing, giving jungkook a grateful smile, which he returned with a gentle grin of his own, dark brown eyes sympathetic. “it’s not even the rumors or the stupid articles, it’s the fact that you neglected me, the fact that you left me in the dark. and, your visits really didn’t feel like ones at all, because you spent the majority of them sleeping or getting drinks with your friends.”

“now, i have no problem with you hanging out with your friends, but the fact that you just up and left without so much as an i love you or even a kiss? you lied to me, jin. you said you didn’t care what anyone thought, and that if you wanted to date someone like me, then so be it. but in every interview where you were asked if you were seeing someone, you just said yes, and you made me sound like as if i was a one-night stand or a meaningless fling. i get that you don’t want the press butting into your love life, but hte fact that you don’t want to tell anyone makes me think that you’re ashamed of me. hell, i haven’t even met any of your friends from the industry, now that i think about.”

“are you really that embarrassed that i’m your girlfriend? if so, why did you even bother with me? did you do that to play with my feelings, to lead me on? were you just taking pity on me?” you were a sobbing mess at this point, hating every tear and every shuddering, pathetic gasp.

jin merely stood a few feet away, expression ridden with anguish, sadness, and desparaton, light brown eyes shiny with tears. “w-what does this mean for us?” “as much as i love you, this can’t go on. we can’t keep going on like this. i guess we weren’t meant to be. thank you for everything jin, thank you for giving me the fairytale romance i so desired. thank you for showing me what it was like to love and to be loved. goodbye, jin, know that i will always consider you a good friend.”

with that, you gave jin one last sad, watery smile, and let jungkook lead you out of the house you once thought to be your home. now, as you walked away from it, it felt distant, foreign, almost. you threw yourself into jungkook’s arms, and the latter crushed you tight against his chest, rubbing comforting circles on your back as you sobbed, clutching the soft fabric of his t-shirt. your heart was aching, so much it hurt, and felt as if it could crack at any moment.

everything hurt, and nothing would ever be the same ever again, not without jin in your life. jin was the only person who ever made you feel loved, the one person you bared your entire heart and soul to, as well as the one who broke your heart into a million pieces. you were sure you would never love again. loving him was easy, but it also hurt.

a/n: this was a struggle to write ahaha :) anyways i hope you all liked this <3 i’m actually awful at writing angst so i apologize if this sucks :(( but ahhhh this is the first drabble in my ‘footnote’ drabble series and i cannot wait to write/post the rest of them <333 the next one is going to be a lot fluffier than this, i promise <3 love you all, and, as always, feedback is not required, but always appreciated <3333

tagging: @taegularities , @sketchguk, @taeyo95 , @raplinesmoon, @mochi-molala , @ressjeon , @joyfulhopelox, @kookskingdom , @kookstempo , @everkook , @kth1 , @jeonjcngkook , @jtrbluv , @rkivian , @blushingkoo , @playmetheclassics , @sugakookitty , @beckysworld7 , @jinterlude , @writtenwhalien , @baljinciaga, @jinsgalaxy , @sunshinejunghoseokie , @jenoloqy , @4gustdiors , @kookdiaries , @yoon2k , @lavienjin , @kithtaehyung-main + anyone else who wants to be tagged! (im so sorry if i forgot to tag you i have the memory of a goldfish)

#mine #btscarnivalnet #btshoneyhive #bangtaninn #bangtanbathhouse #kvanity #52hertz

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bedtimestoriesforbrokengirls · 1 year

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This... Is BGNN

Things you might want to know, for Feb 28, 2023:

Fury beats Paul on split decision in Saudi Arabia — Jesus H. Christ, Tommy… I was afraid you were going to let that giant blond turd beat your ass, and I was going to be deeply disappointed in you. Now go back to helping Molly braid her hair and stay out of trouble.

Penn Jillette: Did His Libertarianism Survive Trump and COVID? — You have no idea how relieved I was to read this. Penn has always been a personal hero of mine; I respected his general intelligence, abundant curiosity, and principled crankery, along with his ability to spin a clever yarn. So I am truly thrilled to know a man I admired in the ‘80s is still admirable today.

Elon Musk defends racist tirade by Dilbert creator Scott Adams — Of course he did. And he didn’t even defend it with an “outdated but sincere libertarian appeal to unfettered expression” argument… he went all in with some “the media knows I’m a corporate fantasist-opportunist and emotionally stunted fuckboy with a car factory wah wah wah thus I am a victim wah wah wah stop reverse-racisming me bro!” bullshit.

"Crying Indian" anti-pollution ad to be retired for good | Boing Boing — They should have come up with a better idea back in the ‘70s, but the shitty idea they came up with still made a positive difference in the world. I’m surprised to learn it wasn’t retired a long, long time ago, though… it shouldn’t have survived the ‘90s, at the latest.

Arnold finally comes to TV in Netflix’s FUBAR — I’m in.

A chatbot with roots in a dead artist's memorial became an erotic roleplay phenomenon, now the sex is gone and users are rioting — The impact of large language models on mentally precarious, profoundly isolated, and/or quietly resentful people can not be overestimated. They will find conspiracies in the boundless data. They will find lovers in the unfathomable synthesis. They will find God in the machine. Look the fuck out.

Coconut Kitty — OnlyFans Model, NSFW Influencer — Remembered by Family — Um, holy shit! I wasn’t a fan, but still… I’m shocked. Ironically, she died too young.

Popular zero-calorie sweetener linked to heart attack and stroke | Boing Boing — So, y’know… watch that shit.

Netflix’s live Chris Rock special will have celebrity-packed pre- and post-shows — I’m in, part deux.

Warner Bros. Discovery sues Paramount over 'South Park' streaming rights — There’s so much corporate lawyer fuckery going on in this story that I don’t even have a clue who’s in the wrong. Plus, it’s hard to care when billion dollar content empires are slap-fighting.

Study: Bronze Age remains in Israel show signs of trepanation — Highly Suspect Observation: many living and theoretically conscious girls in my vicinity show signs of having holes in their empty heads. I now await my Leakey Grant…

Snapchat launches ChatGPT integration, warns to not share your secrets — Thank Zeus, no one uses Snap to share incredibly private information!

Apple Working on AR/VR Headset Technology to Help People With Eye Diseases — The best accessibility tools can empower people far outside their target demographic.

Hitting the Books: Why America once leaded its gasoline

Twitter Blue head Esther Crawford is out at Twitter — I’ve had bosses who considered it their job to see me improve, and bosses who wanted to get everything they could out of me. They aren’t the same, even though the latter brand of dickbag thinks they are.

How Reuters used AirTags to reveal Dow's false recycling promises — I love cheap-tech solutions to previously intractable puzzles. It took a tag-sensing network the size of Apple’s and its economies of scale to make AirTags capable of this sort of investigation.

#news

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sebastianshaw · 2 years

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I got my ask cleared, so Munday rambles time! For new mutuals, this is just a pile up of OOC that’s irrelevant to the blog or my rodents.

- I am one of those people who adamantly Does Not Like Kids but volunteering at the wildlife sanctuary has shown me I'm actually great with them when animals are involved. Like Saturday I answered all the questions of this little boy at the coyote pen even the ones that were irrelevant and weird like "what if you were stuck on an island with only fruit and cows" and I helped another boy handfeed Ferdinand by guiding his hand with mine and holding it steady since he kept freaking out and dropping the lettuce. And didn't get outwardly annoyed with the girl who kept howling at the coyotes or the little shit who threw a rock at the fence (also his mom yelled MAVERICK and ma'am if you named your child that I think you asked for this) - Started reading Ra’s Al. Ghul stories and he’s indeed really interesting like I thought! I like him a lot. I like his motive as an eco-terrorist, and I also like that it’s in a way very different than Poison Ivy; Ivy loves plants and the lushness of forests and jungles and flowers, but Ra’s loves the bleak barrenness of desserts and snow-covered mountains, and wants the entire world to be like that. I also really like that he’s one of those “villains with a code” types---yeah, he wants to wipe out humanity, but he spares the lives of Alfred and Robin in one story because they WON’T sell out Batman, and he respects that loyalty, and it’s noted he dislikes taking hostages so only does it if he feels the stakes are so high that he has to. I know he’s def not un-problematic in his very Orientalist origins and portrayal but I just love how he feels like the lead of a Gothic novel to me. Talia of course is great as well, but I knew that already! - I notice that the writers make Ra’s a little more shitty with each retcon about his past concerning women. Originally, it’s that he was celibate after his first wife up until he met Talia’s mother. Then it becomes that actually he was with other women until they began to age and then he ditched them, and was petty/horny enough to straight-up engineer Napoleon’s downfall to get with his mistress. As with Shaw, that’s the sort of thing I’d be ok with if it was from the get-go, but the fact it WASN’T and then was shoved in there later directly contradicting previous canon for no real reason except to make him look sexist, bugs me. Like, is he not evil enough? Why add that? Similarly, the fate of Talia’s mother goes from her dying in an accident in which she fell into a in-progress Lazarus Pit and thus presumably could not be resurrected, to that she died of a drug overdose and Ra’s chose not to resurrect her for undisclosed reasons, to that she never died at all but Ra’s just cast her out after Talia’s birth. Like, why? - Speaking of Batman characters, I just found out about Silver St. Cloud and even though I have not seen or watched a single thing with her in it, I like her because she’s PRETTY. - That said I just find it colossally gross that she informs Alfred the reason she calls Bruce “DD” is because the first night they had sex, he made her orgasm 11 times (double digits) It’s not that I think that’s bad, or that talking about sex is bad, it’s just it feels like something the writer shoved in as a self-insert sort of fantasy? The writer of that one, btw, was Kevin Smith, who is also the writer who decided that the reason Black Cat steals is because she was raped, because that super makes sense. These are the only two parts of Smith’s comics writing career I know of and neither gives me a high opinion of him, which is a shame because I do genuinely love Clerks and Dogma. But apparently you can’t ever let him write hot women in comics or you get this shit.

#out of shirt

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anthonysstupiddailyblog · 11 months

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Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (427): Thu 18th May 2023

To my amazement I managed to finish the whole of Mr Whites Confession in a single day. It’s an absolutely gripping read and I had no problem staying out for a good three hours to finish it in almost one sitting. As stated in a previous blog the book is about a man named White who has a poor memory so he catalogues his daily activities in his diary. When he is accused of commuting a murder he can’t say for sure that he didn’t. He is eventually found guilty and sentenced to life in prison but eventually grows to love prison life because he can be alone to document his thoughts. Cleverly they never state who the killer is (so I guess it could have been White) leaving the reader to decide who it was…if the identity forge killer even matters that is. This was a fucking fantastic book and more than makes up for Cimmaron Rose, the last shitty book in the series that I plowed through. I can’t even remember when I started my challenge to read all the books that have won the Edgar Award for Best Novel but it was when I was still working at the cafe so it’s been a good few years (I think it may have been the start of 2020). Back then I never could have imagined that I still wouldn’t be finished the thing by May 2023. The awards started in 1954 and Mr White’s Confession was released in 1999 meaning that the only books left to read are the 23 that have won the award this century. Normally I can’t finish a book in one sitting but because I’m that determined to finish this challenge I’m going to power through the remaining 23. On my days off I’ll just plonk my enormous arse in a comfortable chair and sit there until my eyes have devoured another detective / thriller novel. If the 46 books I’ve read as part of this challenge there have only been a half dozen or so I would label as truly brilliant. I’m hoping that changes and that the 23 I have left to read are all absolutely dynamite. Next up is “Bones” by Jan Burke so I ordered it off of Amazon and feverishly await its arrival. While looking on Twitter tonight I saw that the terms “3x3”, “Lee Mack” and “Inside No 9 were trending. I realized that I’d forgotten tonight was Inside No 9 night on BBC 2 and I would go on to regret his because Reece and Steve pulled off yet another one of their televisual pranks that you need to be watching live at the time to get the most out of. At the start of the episode the announcer said that there was a change to the schedule and started broadcasting 3x3 a new quiz format hosted by Lee Mack. I’m hindsight it’s pretty obvious that this was phoney because this quaint, simplistic little quiz is that sort of thing they’d put in at half five in the afternoon not ten at night. Regardless this was played completely seriously by Mack and the cast with. I thing to suggest that there was anything below the surface of this inoffensive little quiz. However the episode culminates with one of the contestants revealing that she’s telekinetic and the result of a laboratory experiment, conducted by her own abusive “mother” whose head she then males explode. Man I wish I had been watching this live. I really hope that there were some people who were completely unaware of what Inside No 9 is and just watched this episode after channel hopping for a bit and settling on this innocent looking quiz. The best thing is I suspect that this is the kind of episode that gets better upon multiple viewings when you’re looking for clues as to what’s going to happen. For example, this exchange between Mack, the telekinetic / psychic kid and her mother: Lee Mack: What do we do about Stephen? Catherine: (To Margaret) What do you think? Margaret: You know what I think This is why Reece & Steve are the best writers in the world. They dangle clues in front of you and you have no idea it's happening

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saphirered · 2 years

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Another Name pt2.

As promised here’s part 2 of this request! Thank you for all your kind responses and I hope you enjoy this one just as much. Plenty of angst for our angsty boi. 😘

Broken. Percy feels broken and empty. He feels cruel and cold. It’s like you took whatever last remains of light that inner demon of him hadn’t quelled fizzled when you left. The demon tries to twist it; prove itself right when it came to you; you’re no more than an obstacle to be dealt with. You are a risk to his purpose, his goal, his future and he will do whatever it takes to complete his bargain. Your blood will be dripping from his hands if that is what it takes. Every drop spilled. But not for justice. Not for the greater good. Just for revenge. Revenge. Is that all? Is that what he is buying with the price you’ll be forced to pay? There it is, a faint flicker that has that demon roaring and raging, numbing it all until he is nothing but the demon of his own making. He’s nothing but a means to an end for his own purpose. But one tiny ember remains… One that demon cannot snuff out. Percy doesn’t see it. Not yet but it is still there. One can hope…

Your word is not enough for the Briarwoods, not even after Cassandra told her side; proving your value to Vox Machina should they make it out alive, your conflict with Percy, and your own skills. They need reassurance. You’d offer them whatever you got but if you’re anything close to the level of determination to protect those you care about, nothing you can offer will be able to rein you in when faced with the choice of your loved ones versus them. So instead they had you swear some kind of binding oath. You could feel the necromantic energy, tethering you to Delilah, much like a leash of some kind; restricting and heavy with burden. You’ll do what you have to. No matter what. You’ll do what you have to. You can’t look over your shoulder, back towards your friends. You glance at Vax in front of you, a hand wrapped tightly around your wrist, keeping pressure on the cut left by Lady Briarwood for her damned spell as he wraps it up. You barely even felt it, your body numb and mind caught within your own world throughout the whole thing.

You’re following orders. Ready this. Do that. Enchant this. You stall, as much as you can but a horrid pain runs through you whenever you try and twist the order given, so you push through. At least you take confidence in your own arcane skills to know this is not something permanent and will wear off with time. Though, you doubt you’ll live to see another sunrise so you might not see the end of this spell either. The more time you spend here surrounded by their horrors, the more you can piece together. What they’re doing is terrible. Summoning some entity to this world; breaking the fabric of the planes to do so, do they even really know what they’re messing with? The price is the last drops of a life; a living sacrifice, you gather that much, though with Lady Briarwood’s expertises you are not at all surprised. Lucky for you, Vax is safe so that leaves you and Cassandra. Were you more forgiving or trusting of her heart, you might have worked to persuade them to pick you over her but that girl has sold out hundreds, is complicit in the deaths of many more and holds not an ounce of regret. If she is to die, you will have your peace with that.

But then saviours come. The term saviour is a loose one. This isn’t a rescue mission. This is a fight that will know no winner. Only the ones who live and the ones who die. Victory does not belong to those who gamble with the lives of others. You’d hoped to remain occupied otherwise, getting some shitty role in completing this ritual or preparing for it but no; the Briarwoods take pleasure in causing heartache and enjoy not only your suffering but that of your friends too and thus they make you fight them. Fight, with explicit orders not to hold back. With pain in your heart you do. With pain in your heart you throw attack after attack at your friends. Plenty strike true but their hesitancy to hurt you, much like their hesitancy to hurt Vax does not help them. But then Pike gets Vax free and there’s hope yet. The fight is turning and you’re ordered to Delilah’s side; protect. Preserve. Give your life for her if that is what it takes. You would not die for her. You’ll die for your friends so when your spell misses, and accidentally hits Cassandra, who’s misses the deadly blow directed at Pike’s back, you’re back to square one because now you’re ordered to end the gnome.

The fight turns and Keyleth summons an incredible amount of power. Pure light. Sunlight. And so ends the life of Silas Briarwood with much difficulty leaving the traitor de Roll girl, the necromancer and yourself. Doubt sets in within Cassandra and maybe there’s a fighting chance for her yet though time is of the essence and she cannot be trusted. Delilah in her grief decides she can complete the ritual on her own and before yourself or any of the others can do anything she vanishes. With Cassandra unconscious and chained up attention turns to you. Pike is immediately at your side ready to heal, hands glowing but a familiar click echoes through the cave and has your breath catch. There it is. Cold eyes stare at you-no through you lacking all warmth you’d ever gotten from Percy. You barely even recognise him as the smoke pools around him.

“Percy! What the hell?!” Vax protests trying to dissuade him from doing what he should do. He wants revenge and yet again you’re a hurdle. Yet again you’re in his way but no more. You’re done. You’ll cease to bother him forever. He watches you take in a deep sharp breath. Good. Make your peace with your fate. There’s nothing left here. You’re done. You’re just another name. Sadness. Grief. In your eyes. Why? You’re not mourning your own end. You wouldn’t be. It’s not like you. You’re mourning something else. He doesn’t know what. No. He does. The smoke is trying to cloud his thoughts. You’re grieving him.

You’ve accepted there’s no stopping Percy. He’s too far down this path. There’s nothing to be done. Whatever comes next is beyond your control. You just hope he sees what you saw in him- the good in his heart, the good he is capable of and the great things he can do. He needs to be reminded of those things to not go down that dark path. Vox Machina knows but even they are not fast enough.

“Just another name.” And with those words gunfire echoes followed by a deadly silence. You feel warmth pool at your chest, arms instinctively reaching feeling the red liquid spilling from right between your ribs. You feel dizzy, numb and out of breath. By whatever graces you remain on your feet still you don’t know. The invisible tether goes taut and you’re pulled away through the folds of this world. Before you know it sharp nails dig into your neck and you hiss in pain, your body going in overdrive. You feel lightheaded. The previous burning at your chest fading and an inner cold setting in. You feel weak. Weaker than before your legs give out and the needle pricks in your neck disappear. You struggle to keep your eyes open as Delilah looks at you.

“Wether he cares or not, you’ll serve your purpose. Consider your end of the bargain fulfilled.” She carves the symbols into her own skin before she takes the blade, lifting it overhead and right as she stabs down you see your friends come in. So it begins. So it ends for you. A dull ache spreads through your body. You feel heavy, icy cold and struggle to breathe. Once, twice more and then the world fades into oblivion. You’re falling through the rifts, floating upon nonexistent winds and carried off upon the feathers of black.

The name fades. Another barrel empty. The satisfaction that runs through him is certainly not his own because for that brief moment he cannot tear his eyes away from you-your unmoving body in that growing pool of blood. He wants to shout and scream. He wants to tear down the world but that feeling subsides when his attention is abruptly forced to the woman who took it all from him-no not all. He’s responsible for your death. He pulled the trigger. He took from you your fighting chance. He took from you the mercy you offered him. He spat on your kindness. He spat on your legacy by his actions and no one can deny it. Not even him. So instead he’ll let that anger and hatred focus and direct it at the wretched woman who’s heart still beats, but not for long. he’ll make sure of it. He’ll have her pay the blood price too. For his home. For his family. For his friends. For you.

————

Your faith in him is entirely misplaced. Proof of that is your body, on this bed, bruised and broken, bandaged. He can still see the spotting come through the bandages around your chest, a sore reminder of his misdeeds against you. It doesn’t matter his mind was wielded by a demon. It was still his hands that wielded that weapon that would nearly be your demise. This is all on him. Had he not been so bloody stubborn, had he not been so bloody arrogant to think he could do this on his own without catching anyone he cared about in the crossfire, maybe you’d have been fine. Maybe you’d have been at his side. Maybe you’d not have grown to hate him.

He sees now he never hated you. Those thoughts were not his own. He said those horrible things. He doubted you, mistrusted you when you’ve never done anything to warrant such and when you wake he will be on his knees begging for your forgiveness even if he doesn’t think himself worthy of it, even if you might never give it to him because what he did is unforgivable. Unless you tell him to piss off and never return, he’ll be at your side attempting to repay the debt he owes you but you’d be well within your right to send him away for good and he would, if you told him so. He’d walk to the ends of Exandria if that would be what it took. He hopes but will never assume that one day you might look at him or say his name without disgust and hatred. One day he’d hope to hear you praise him with affection but he will not hold his heart out for it. He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve you.

A window creaks in the breeze. Breeze. You can feel it. Warmth. There’s warmth too but not uncomfortably so. Surrounded by soft and smooth material-blankets and pillows, you realise. You breathe the sensation strange but above all; painful. Why do you feel like you’ve just been trampled by a tarasque? And then your brain goes into overdrive recalling all events of the past. You know what happened. You were dead-should still be dead but you feel very much alive. That headache is killer for sure. Your eyes open. You’re in a room. From what you can tell as your eyes focus, adjusting to the light of day as if you hadn’t seen it in quite some time, the room is quite large and well kept. Though maybe the curtains could use a good dusting or is that just the glaring light affecting your vision. You don’t know. Then you see it or rather him; a mop of white hair, head bowed, coat discarded and sleeves rolled to his elbows. One fist clenched while the other fiddles with something clasped within.

“Fuck.” You gasp trying to sit up, the bandages around your torso pulling and the abrupt pain sharply shooting through you. In an instant Percy is at your side helping you to a sit-in position. You tense at his touch for a brief second and his mind goes spiralling as he takes his seat back at the side of your bed again, watching, waiting, deliberating what to do or say next because he truly is at a loss.

“How… are you?” Spoken with hesitancy, Percy adjusts his glasses out of habit.

“As well as to be expected.” Your voice is hoarse, though that too is to be expected after the physical trauma you endured. You remember it all, or so you hint at. Percy might have hoped you’d forgotten by some miracle, to perhaps spare him so he might block everything from his own memory too but instead you’ll both be facing those events. You might have your peace with your side but he might never with his.

“I-ah-I was going to apologise but I fear no words can make right my wrongs to you.” Percy claims as he fiddles something between his fingers.

“You may apologise but wether I’ll accept that apology or not will be up to you. Words only mean so much. You’ve proven that.” You cross your arms biting your lip when you feel the ache. This is going to hurt for a while, isn’t it?

“That’s why I’ve been deliberating on giving you this. What I did to you is unforgivable. I killed you. Were it not for the others you would still be gone. There’s no justifying any of it.” Percy places the thing he had been fiddling with in your palm. You feel the smooth metal, warmed from his own hands, the small iron ball feeling all the heavier when you realise what it is. You look at it, look at Percy who stares at his feet. With some difficulty you nudge his chin up and Percy thinks he’s only made it worse when he meets your gaze and notices the hint of anger within. Though, only you know that anger is not necessary fully directed at him for what he did. You shake your head and with all the force you can muster in your weakened state throw the ball out of the opened window condemning it to whatever fate it might befall and point an accusatory finger at the man.

“You don’t get an easy way out. You get to suffer the consequences of your own actions and work to earn back what you lost. Percy, I love you but you have to stop with this self-deprecation and stop wallowing in self-pity. It does not suit you so excuse me when I tell you to, respectfully, suck it up, deal with it and prove yourself worthy of my forgiveness. You earn it. You work for it no matter how difficult it might be.” Your words are harsh but do strike a chord because he wants to; he wants to be worthy of your forgiveness and you telling him you will forgive him; that makes him want to fight for it. You always know what to do and say to get him on the right path, even if he is stubborn and will definitely be using these past events to remind him.

“Whatever it takes.” He promises. Few times in his life has he made a true promise and this is one of them. No loopholes. No ways out. He’ll prove himself worthy of you even if it takes an eternity.

“You can start now by getting your ass over here.” You pat the spot next to you on the bed and Percy obeys, taking the spot next to you against the headboard. He doesn’t dare fully let it go but that feeling of normalcy, like the weight of his horrors lifts for just a moment, is exactly what he needed. Hope. There may still be some hope for him yet, even if those horrors will one day catch up to him.

“I love it when you’re being assertive.” Percy manages to chuckle when you nudge his side and lean your head on his shoulder. He places a kiss on your head before he leans his cheek against your crown.

“Who says the road to forgiveness has to be such a terrible and lonely one?” It might take time to complete but you’ve begun to mend the shatters of his heart and soul and show him he truly has something worth fighting for; something good, something pure. Something he can be satisfied with. It may start with you, but it certainly doesn’t end with you either. His demon banished might have told him you were just a name, he might have told himself so too but you’re so much more than another name on his list. So much more. You are his blessing, his compass directing him to safe shores and he would be lost without you.

#critical role x reader #vox machina x reader #tlovm x reader #percy x reader #percival x reader #critrole x reader #critical role fanfic #critical role imagine #critical role fanfiction #percy de rolo #percival fredrickstein von musel de rolo iii #Vox Machina #legend of vox machina #critical role #percival de rolo x reader #percy de rolo x reader

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seryueeeee · 2 years

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730 𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒 — Kenma x GN!Reader

𝚂𝚄𝙼𝙼𝙰𝚁𝚈: Spending 730 days with your comfort character, until one day, you stopped. as he waited for you, patiently.

𝙶𝙴𝙽𝚁𝙴: Angst/Making y'all cry again<3

𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙶: Nothing, just sadness<33

Masterlist

𓄲 KENMA and you made a promise to each other. a blatant promise, someday meant to be broken, forgotten and left behind.

even if it's just a dream where both you meet, every touch, every light feathered touch feels so tangible. even if he's just a comfort character, at least he was there when the world's against you. he was there by your side.

and slowly feelings started to unravel, but kept it hidden underneath an obvious wall. and everyday you look forward to his warm embrace.

ever since you saw him finally revealed on the show, your eyes find their ways to him, always looking for him, and always have your sight onto him. solely focusing at the little things and details. having gone too far to searching up major details about him. you fell in love.

a love at first sight.

you weren't aware about this so called obsession. your heart beats so fast when you see him at the other side of the screen.

every night, you would dream of him. but ended up getting cut off because it was sudden for you. every day felt shitty, and you looked forward to seeing him in your dreams and thus; the both of you spent days talking in that dream. days went to months, and months turned into a year.

Kenma, wanted to be real, to be there for you, to hug you, to do intimitate things.

he wanted to be your very first lover. your Best friend and your boyfriend, but curse this; you can only see each other in your dreams. it pains him not being able to see and touch you, focus on your progressions everyday. the world be playing tricks to the both of you.

he always wanted to be part of your life. he wanted to be where you are, may it be the end of the world itself. he wanted to be part of you. and so do you.

but what happened?? why did you suddenly ran off. why did you suddenly strayed out of his embrace.

that was until your sudden disappearance. you barely talk to him anymore, and his gut feeling told him that maybe. just maybe you like someone?

effortlessly picking up every signs, only to find out that you had fallen to someone's love. someone who's not him.

his worries skyrocketing as he hears about your day and talk about someone else.

"curse everything that made us live each other's life apart." he murmurs, biting his lips to prevent the tears from displaying on his warm golden cat eyes.

suffering from unrequited love. but it didn't matter to him anymore. as long as it's you then he'll eagerly await for this pain. and for you to come back to him.

"But even so, I do not want to be selfish, and it was not me whom you wished for. it was never me who you willingly wanted to be with. it was him" he grimaces at the sight of you in someone's arms.

"I don't want to be selfish. so I'm leaving you be." he proudly says; fully aware about the pain inside his chest, and his heart beating very fast because of the panic.

that was until. the end of the 730 days that both you and him spent. 572 days of falling in love to each other, 158 days filled with worries whilst you fell in love with someone else. 158 days, praying and pleading for fate to stop playing with you.

730 days; and a rollercoaster of an adventure, and a temporary feelings.

as you suddenly slipped away from his grace. suppressed your feelings towards him and vanquish your relationship with him; as your heart beats for someone else.

and he was there left, alone. patiently waiting for the both of you to meet again.

happily watching you drift away from him. and face the realization.

both you and him, weren't made for each other.

because he's merely a comfort character.

while you're a true human being

@seryueeeee © Do not repost or modify/plagiarize

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amoristt · 3 years

Text

Grazing the Fire | IV

well hello. here i am, four years later, once again enamored with nathan enough to finally dust this baby off and pick up where i left it. im a little rusty so bear with me this chapter! much more to come <3

reblogs + tags and replies will make my entire day as i put a lot of effort into this :)! it also helps motivate me!

story continues beneath the read more. let me know if you can’t access it!

Warning: language, very vague s/a mentions

want to support me? heres my kofi!

__________________________

“Alright class, who can tell me,” A board stick clacks against the chalkboard. “Who can answer problem four?”

A few hands raise in the corners of your eye, but yours remains atop your desk. Eyes far away, mind in a murky haze and almost completely unaware. All you could focus on were the memories playing on repeat within the confines of your tired, tired brain. Hours ago, you were warm, you were comfortable. Safe.

Cheeks heated to a dusting blush when you remind yourself just how you had awoken that morning. At some point in the night, an angel had blessed you. Allowed you to wake up wrapped around none other than big, bad, Nathan Prescott. Your face nuzzled into his chest, broad but wiry hands pressed firmly over your shoulder and his arm slung over your waist to keep you against him. Thankfully you had been the first to wake up, blinking away the morning sun blazing through his blinds and painting the room stripes of gold. At that moment, before your headache came crashing down onto your skull, you were astounded by him.

Eye lashes brushing the top of his cheeks, his lips parted ever so slightly, chest rising and falling rhythmically. In that moment, there was no anger, no bitterness. Just a soft and peaceful slumber. It was like being the sole viewer of a magnificent painting- each stroke and detail placed just there just for you to pick out, to remember the curves and sharp edges down to the very foundation. From his unkempt hair down to the way his hand flattened onto the mattress where your indent still lived. Nathan was so beautiful like this.

For a long time you stayed there. It was as though you were afraid to move- you couldn’t bear to disturb him. You had wondered, if he was always like this, so at peace, what would he be like? Likely soft voiced, mild mannered. He’d do his school assignments without hassle and donate to the charity board. He would wander the town with his friends and listen to music in a beat up truck flying down the stretch of highway overlooking the bold, blue, and beautiful ocean. An entirely different version of himself- carefree, and a fair blue as opposed to a burning flame of red.

But, if that were the case, you’d never have gotten here. You’d never been both the outsider, and the only seeing eye. A lucky, albeit firstly unwilling witness to the display of depth before you.

It never hit you like it had quite in that moment how lucky you were.

But- just then- an alarm disturbed what serendipity existed. You nearly leapt out of your skin, clutched your hands to your chest at the sudden sound. A headache wove its way into your once untouched temples. Nathan groaned, mumbled, ‘god damn it’, under his breath, and thus his body was reanimated into life. He rubbed his eyes and he stretched, that familiar scowl coming over his eyes and lips as he took in the sunlight damn near blinding him. A polar opposite to the being you’d appreciated just moments earlier.

“Ugh, fuck, how the fuck is it seven already.” He groaned. “I feel like shit.”

“Well good morning to you too,” You started, welcoming Nathan into the world. “‘I’m feeling pretty shitty as well.”

You said that, but really… You were more than alright. Your head had hurt, slight nausea crept into the wells of your stomach, but other than that you’re sure you were phenomenally better than you’d have been waking up whereverTate would have left your ass.

“You need to get outta here, before everyone gets up.” Nathan drawled, but he didn’t sound as urgent as you expected him to be. You’d expected him to be angry that you were still in his room, but instead he just… accepted it.

You snickered, climbing out of his throne of a bed. “Wow, you’re giving me the morning after treatment?”

“Sure am. Get outta here, whore.”

“Oh fuck you.”

You located your heels from last night, resting upright near his dorm room door. Heels didn’t sound like the most practical to sneak out of a dorm with, so you instead opted to grappling them by the straps and carrying them at your side. Hair a mess, outfit riddled with wrinkles and makeup smudged under your eyes, you stood before Nathan in all your glory. He stared at you for a long, odd moment- and you for some reason felt exposed, or even, shy.

“What?” You ask expectantly, placing a hand on your hip.

His eyes trail to your line of vision. He shakes his head. “Just thinking about how now you really do look like my morning after.”

“Yeah?” You hummed. “Find it hard to believe you get a lot of those.”

Nathan shoots you a suggestive glance. “You’d be surprised. Everyone wants a piece of Prescott.”

Surely, he was joking, or maybe he wasn’t, but you… Didn’t like hearing that. It made your stomach feel odd, uncomfortably heavy. As he stood up, reminding you how many inches he had over your size, you swallowed and cleared your throat to flush out that crappy feeling. “Well,” you started, mood having dropped. “I’m gonna go, then.”

“What got your panties in a twist all the sudden?” He asked, raising a brow and pulling some clothes from his closet, tossing them onto the bed.

The bed you two had shared.

You hated the idea of his morning afters- whoever they may be.

“Not feeling great. Probably a side effect of the roofies.” You mumbled.

Nathan breathed a laugh. “Probably.”

He seemed so calm, right now. Perhaps due to it being so early, before the outside world had a chance to remind him just why he was so uptight all the tight. Before he needed to be so uptight all the time. He really did have so many versions of himself- all of whom you were slowly becoming familiar with. Compared to the person you’d believed him to be before your run ins, you’d never have assumed someone so dangerous could be so soft as last night, as this morning. In the beginning, you’d feared him. Avoided him like a plague, or a wild animal. Even when you were enraptured in the existence of him, you still wanted to keep away. You’d never have believed someone like you could wake up clutched to his chest, as though he were afraid if he released you, you’d be gone long before he woke.

Then, a sudden thought struck your mind.

He’d held you so tight. He’d welcomed you in the morning. No anger, no annoyance. His soft laugh at your banter and taunts. How your heels were standing upright instead of tossed haphazardly into some random corner, where he’d watch your struggle to find.

How he’d stayed awake to ensure your sleep.

“So are you just gonna stand there?” Nathan called you back to reality, hands gripping the hems of his shirt. “I gotta get ready and you need to wash up so you don’t look like a five dollar stripper.” Cruel words, but with absolutely no bite. You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah. But, hey,” You started. “Thank you for last night.”

“Yeah, yeah. You gotta start learning to watch your own back.” He says. “There’s gonna be times I won’t be there to drag your ass out of the fire.”

If you’d been charged, if you’d been stricken with a strange defensiveness, you’d have retorted, ‘than stop helping me’, but… Instead you allowed yourself the comfort of protection. You allowed Nathan Prescott to watch you.

“I know,” You reached for the door. “Thank you.”

With that, you bounded out of the dorm silent as a mouse.

-----------

In hindsight, you should have left earlier. Class was merely 15 minutes away when you slipped out of Nathan's room and bounded towards the women's dorm. Albeit not exactly a long walk, by the time you discreetly snuck back into your own dorm, you had roughly twenty minutes to somehow pick an outfit from your countless unopened boxes and make yourself even slightly presentable.

Wiping off whatever make-up you could get and reapplying it, brushing out the tangles of your hair and nearly tearing off your scalp in the process, scattering your nightclothes over your floor and managing to scrounge out a semi-decent outfit for the day… You still looked a mess. If the mirror could laugh, it would have. Black mascara smudges under your eyes and frizzy untreated hair. What a lovely look.

You’d made it to class just five minutes late, but those five minutes were all it took for all eyes to be on you as you tried to slide into the classroom unnoticed. A couple classmates whispered to their table mates as you passed by, smelling of oversaturated cherry blossom perfume to hopefully cover the scent of alcohol. You sauntered to your seat and sank down with all your weight, suddenly exhausted. You’d made it with just five minutes tainting your record of attendance. The teacher greeted you with a disappointed sigh, and thus, the day began.

But, it was so hard to focus. All you could think about was Nathan.

“Alright class, who can tell me,” A board stick clacks against the chalkboard. “Who can answer problem four?”

You lowered your head.

“Ah, how about, ___?”

You snaked back into reality, blinking up at the chalk board that was somehow already riddled with math equations. Since you hadn’t been paying attention even in the slightest, your mouth gaped wide open, eyes scanning for something you understood even slightly so you didn’t look like a total idiot.

Sadly, you were out of luck. The teacher shook his head. “I’m shocked,” He said. “You're normally so on top of things. Oh well.”

“Oh, I’m sure she was on top of things,” A female voice sniggered behind you “Last night.”

Your face flushed a red, hot, ruby. What the hell was she talking about? How had they found out you were with Nathan? You were so sure of being sneaky, there was no way-

“Her and Tate totally got it on last night.”

You whipped around in your seat, facing girls who looked to be clones of some sort. Both with the same dark eyes, short brown hair, and freckles. “What?”

“Alright-” Your teacher blurted. “That's enough. April, May, enough. Let’s not discuss things outside of the classroom.”

The two girls batted their eyes. “Sorry sir.” One spoke, twirling a hand through her hair. Her sister's wide toothy grin never fumbled.

“Back to it then. Kate, can you help out __ with number four?”

The small, blonde girl nodded quickly, brushing a lock of hair behind her eyes and offering an empathic nod.

As you turned around in your seat, her answer fell on deaf ears. Your heart was racing in your chest, hands balled into fists while you stared ahead blankly.

They couldn’t seriously think that you chose to leave with Tate, could they? Surely someone must have seen the state you were in. Someone other than Nathan.

The clock ticks forward but time feels like it's passing almost unnaturally slow. With just 10 minutes left, you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket.

‘Nathan: consider ur favor officially returned

Your tongue poked from your lips, the tiniest of smiles taking over your once sullen features. Terrible thoughts and worries flew out the window while you type back, ‘damn. here i was gonna to ask you to do a backflip off the roof with me. there goes my plans.’

Nathan types for a moment. Typing, stopping, typing again.

‘Nathan: soundz like a blast. where and when?’

A small blush heats your cheeks. ‘very funny. thanks to last night i have an entire 24 hour session of studying to catch up with.’

His response is almost instant. ‘Nathan: boringgg. txt me when ur fun.’

Rolling your eyes, you shove your phone back into your pocket. It seems you’ve been able to secure enough of a friendship with him for some mindless banter even outside your little visits. You smile. He’s… Fun to talk to. Surprisingly.

Class comes to an end and you start to pack up the books and papers you’d hardly even glanced at the whole period. Whatever had been upsetting you before is lost in your mind while you think of the morning, the night before. All the things in-between. But, your happiness doesn’t last long. As you get up, you’re almost forced right back into your seat as a weight shoves into your shoulder. Your books scatter to the floor. April, the one who’d remarked about you earlier, glares at you in what looks to be disgust.

“Careful April,” Her sister hums as she saunters past you, keeping distance and raising her already shrill tone of voice. “Might wanna watch where you’re walking- I’d hate for you to catch something from this slut.”

You absolutely gawk at her. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

April scoffs. “Oh come on, like everyone doesn’t know what you were up to last night.”

“Sleeping around isn’t a good color on you.” May hikes her bag over her shoulder and snickers at you. They both leave the class together, sickeningly in sync. You’re left stunned where you stand, unsure how the hell your life came to this so quickly. How you’ve stooped so low that the daughters of the world's most uncreative parents are able to bully you based on something that didn’t even happen.

Next class goes no better. The person to your right, a jockey looking brunette guy, asks, ‘have you ever heard of a Tate?’. You say no, that that’s the dumbest name you’ve ever heard. The idiot grins and goes back to marking down likely wrong answers on his test sheet and you debate kicking the leg of his chair out- but you don’t to avoid even more eyes on you. It makes you sick to your stomach- even more than recovering from the roofies does. How can everyone believe it? You barely even knew the guy and you were clearly uncomfortable with his advances. No one saw that?

After everything you’d worked for to build a reputation, trying so hard to not call out peoples shit for the sake of seeming friendly, tainted over something that didn’t even happen? And the kicker was that it hadn’t even been your fault! He’d drugged you, he’d have taken advantage of you! Yet you were the bad person?

Class came and went in the blink of an eye this time. Your mind wrapped up in the situation, your stomach churning. You wanted the day to be over with but you still had 4 more classes to suffer through. Why was this happening to you? Was Tate being treated just as horribly, or was he getting pats on the backs of his unaware friends?

Wandering down the halls to your locker, you noticed Lance and Kaz hanging around one of the drinking fountains. Your nerves quelled- your friends would surely make you feel much better. Especially since they had witnessed how awful you were feeling as you left. You approach with a relieved smile, ready to say your truth and finally have someone on your side.

“Hey guys.” You smile, but Lance looks down at his feet while Kaz places her hands to his hips. Your smile fades.

“You could have told us you were gonna spend the night with Tate,” Kaz snaps. “You didn’t need to lie like that just to leave. We were all worried about you and it was for nothing.”

“What?” You feel like you could cry. “No, Kaz, I really did try to leave. Tate tried to drug me and take me home, and-”

“He wouldn’t do that.” Lance interrupts, with a frown. He looks back down at the floor with knitted brows. “I’ve known Tate since before time. He wouldn't do something like that, especially not to one of my best friends. Plus he told me he was really into you. Why would he even try?”

“Are you serious?” You sputter. “You think I’d lie about something like that?”

“You’ve been lying about all sorts of things!” Kaz huffs. “What’s going on with you lately? You’ve been so distant, and secretive. What are you hiding that’s making you lie like this? We’re supposed to be your friends and then you lie to our faces just to go and fuck the first guy that shows you attention.”

“What…?” It was like acid. It was like the rug had been pulled from your feet sending you spiraling down the unending cliff. Kaz, your best friend, all that venom. How could they turn against you like this? What the hell is going on? You felt your throat tighten. “Look, I’m sorry if I’ve been distant, but I’m not lying to you, I-”

“We gotta go.” Lance isn’t in the mood to hear it. “We’ll catch up to you.. Some other time.”

Kaz says nothing as she pushes past you. Lance, at least, spares a short glance over his shoulder. You stood there alone in the hallway, your bag falling off your shoulder and clattering onto the floor with a thud echoing off the walls. Everything you had, all gone at once.

No one believed you.

---------

With nowhere to go where you felt like you could truly allow yourself to process the day's events, you went to the only place you knew.

Just outside of campus, where rocks lined the edge of the boundary, overlooking the outskirts of the town and the ocean stretching as far as the eye could see. You settled yourself there, staring at the vast waters and wondering how this had all happened. Unlucky didn’t even begin to cover how it felt. Not only did you feel violated with Tate attempting to do unthinkable things with your unconscious body, but you also felt alone, and walked on. Your best friends hadn’t believed you. While Lance seemed saddened, Kaz was so… Angry. Her words cut like knives into your skin.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. You didn’t deserve this.

You want to talk to Nathan, but knowing him, he’d see your state and bounce instantly. After all, this isn’t exactly very fun of you.

As the sun began to fall, splaying orange and blues over the wide open sky, behind you, you could hear voices. A group of them, some male, some female. Memories of when your notebook had gotten snatched by those two horsed face assholes came flooding back and with all your alertness, you stood up, and decided that this sitting place was no longer safe. Nothing was.

Before you even made it ten feet away, the group had found their way to your spot and gotten comfortable, one of the girls cheering, ‘this’ll be our hangout! look at how pretty the view is!’

You took a short drive down the stretches of road and decided that if you were going to lament in your own sadness, you were at least going to do so in a place that had something to cover the sound of your tears. Plus a nice view.

The beach, littered with its picnic tables and the sounds of crashing waves would suffice just fine. So, you pulled in the desolate parking lot and wandered down the sandy shores until you stumbled upon a picnic table shaded by a large willow cascading lushious branches to block out the sun- a perfect canopy for you to wallow under.

You had nothing at that moment. No friends, no reputation, no one to believe your tragic tale. And now, you’d just lost the one spot that made you feel comfortable when stress was building into your body like concrete. Tears pricked into the corners of your eyes and you bit your lip, dreading that feeling of a lump in your throat. Why you? Everything had been going so well. How could not even a single person believe that Tate had tried to hurt you?

Well, actually, there was one person.

Of course Nathan believed you. He’d been the one to rescue you, after all. Time and time again it seemed. How was it that even the ones closest to you would turn their back so fast, yet Nathan seemed to be there even when you didn’t want him to be? Even when you yelled at him, and he yelled right back, fire and sparks falling into embers around the two of you.

In that moment, you almost felt like you could finally relate to him. A reputation based on lies and things out of your control, paired with a hardheaded attitude to try and combat all the assumptions.

No wonder he was so angry.

“Hey bitch,” A voice suddenly called, and you had a split second moment where you were terrified of once again being the victim of a cruel prank or some classmates boredom. “How about next time you have a pity party you don’t fucking call me in the middle of it.”

You blinked away your tears and through the blurriness saw a figure coming towards you. All that sass, the tone...

“Nathan?” You breathed. It only takes moments before he’s in front of you, holding his phone in view, seeing that the call that had been running for nearly ten minute. You flush in embarrassment, pulling your phone from your back pocket. “How did that happen?”

“Well, can your ass dial numbers?” He taunts, ending the call.

“Damn it, dumb phone must have butt-dialed you. I knew I should’ve gotten a different one.” You mentally kick yourself. “It must have unlocked in my pocket.”

“You don’t have a password on your phone?” He taunts. When you shake your head, he whistles. “You are just begging for a robbery. I’ll keep that in mind when I’m in the mood to send random messages to all your buddies.”

“Fuck off.” You scowl, and he grins, hopping up on the picnic table next to you. The sun flatters his skin. He’s almost glowing.

“Speaking of buddies, how the hell did it pick my number out of your sea of friends?”

You shrug. “Probably cuz’ it’s a priority contact.”

“Oh lala, I’ve been upgraded to priority huh? Does it display a superman logo whenever you give it a ring?”

“Nope. When I press call it rings the nearest asshole in my vicinity. The fact that it’s you is your own problem.”

“Haha, fucking ha.” He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. He stares out at the water, watching waves pull and crash onto the beach. It’s almost beautiful, until he ruins it. “Yknow, you’re a really ugly crier.”

“Wow, thanks.” You shake your head. “That's exactly what I needed to hear right now. Why did you even stay on the line?.” Wiping your eyes, you start to forget your tears. “Couldn’t have been that wild of a conversation.”

Nathan shrugs. “Between the crying and the sound of the waves it was pretty nice.” He grins. “Very educational.”

“Awesome. Glad I was able to make your day.” It doesn’t feel like your usual bitey remarks. You’re tired, you’re still a little hurt and you can’t stop thinking about how such an amazing morning had turned into such a horrible day.

“So what’s got you all fucked up? Never seen you act like this big of a baby before.”

“Nothing. You already paid off your debt to me per this morning, so feel free to resume our regularly scheduled mutual hatred.” You say, lying through your teeth. You know you’re both past the point of hatred, but you’re feeling jaded, you can’t help it.

“Oh shut the fuck up,” He groans. “I didn’t drag my ass all the fucking way out to this shit hole of a beach just for you to give me that bullshit. What, did you fail a test? No one matched you on tinder?”

“Everyone thinks me and Tate slept together last night.” You blurt. “I think he’s telling people me and him had sex.”

Nathan tenses his shoulders and grimaces. “Fucking werido.”

“I told my best friends that he tried to take advantage of me and they don’t believe me. One of em’ even said he wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Fuck em’. Who needs best friends.”

“And to make everything so much better, these two bitches that I share four of my classes with harassed me all goddamn day. I mean, fucks sake, how the hell are girls named April and May of all things able to get to me. It’s bullshit. And to make matters worse, Tate is just… Getting away with it.”

“Yeah well, something tells me that Tate’s gonna get a real nice fucking taste of medicine eventually. I just gotta find him first. He’s got a lot of nerve spreading shit around given I knocked his ass onto the pavement.” Nathan brows knit at the memory.

You test the waters. “Why would you do that for me?”

He seems caught off guard, or maybe, surprised that you’d ask. Maybe he thinks you’re both beyond that point. He grumbles, “Why does it matter.”

“I’m just curious. We don’t owe each other anything, remember?”

“Yeah, well,” He huffs. “Don’t ask me questions to shit I don’t know the answer to.”

“You say that an awful lot.” You tease.

“Yeah well you ask dumbass questions an awful lot. Not everything I do has to have some weird ass motives behind it, ___. Maybe I’ve got beef with Tate that’s outside of you.”

“Uhuh. Sure.” You’re about to say something else, when your phone lights up with a text. The display makes your heart fall all over again.

Unknown Number: you should just pack up and go somewhere else. no one wants std’s from breathing your air xoxo

You don’t even know who that is. Now absolute strangers are on your case. You want to throw your phone into the ocean and leave.

Nathan scoffs. “Don’t even bat a fucking eye for that bitch, whoever the hell they are. Half the hoes you’ve mentioned have slept with half the football team,” he pinches his jacket, “and I would know.”

“Ew, Nathan,” You grimace, that same feeling from the morning returning. It feels, oddly, like jealousy. He nudges your arm with his elbow and grins playfully. It’s cute.

“Chill, I’m just fucking with you. You gotta know even I wouldn’t fuck girls that desperate. I’m a man of class.”

That last comment actually forces a laugh from you. It’s soft, but it’s real. The first laugh you’ve genuinely had all day. “That’s horrible.” You remark, giggling again.

It's almost like the slight restoration of your mood puts him at ease as well. He leans back on his hands and stares off into the ocean, those sparkling waters under the setting, orange sun. “I’m for real though. Those hoes aren’t worth your time. One day when we blow this shithole of a town they’re not even gonna matter.”

Your brows knit, eyes blinking up at him. Had you heard that right?

“We?” You ask, perplexed, albeit a little… Hopeful.

Nathan sputters. “Well- Like, when everyone’s older and-”

“You know what, it's fine.” You interrupt. “Fuck it. You’re right. We’re gonna blow this town and they’re just gonna be some shitty memories.”

He sucks in a shaky breath. You’ve never heard him scramble like that, like he’s been unmasked. The look he casts you when you agree, when you don’t tease or patronize and finally hop on the idea that yeah, what if the two of you really didn’t have to deal with it anymore.

What if the two of you could just exist, without the anger.

You look up at him. “Would you actually do that though?” You start. “With me, of all people?”

He swallows. His expression is tense, but he’s not upset. He appears nervous, caught off guard. Nathan tries, “I-”

Your phone rings. Shrill, piercing. Mood destroying.

“Jesus Christ, it’s my mom.” You grab your phone and Nathan looks forward, stone faced and silent as you hop off the table and answer. It’s your mother, who all but shouts into the phone that her and your father are taking a surprising visit to Arcadia Bay while they’re traveling by on their vacation. She insists that you be ready in about an hour for dinner, and likely there will be family photos.

Which means if you still look as wrecked as you did this morning, you’re gonna have a lot of washing up to do. With a quick goodbye, a short and sweet, ‘love you’, you hang up and sigh.

“You still tell your mom you love her?” He teases. “What are you, five?”

You frown. “You don’t tell your parents you love them?”

Nathan side eyes you, and just shrugs. It is all the answer you need, really, and for his sake you decide it wouldn’t be best to press the issue. Not now. But- it still makes your heart hurt just a little. You wished that he’d had it better growing up.

“Right… Do you want a ride home?”

“Fuck no, what am I,” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “a fucking girl scout?”

“I was just offering, weirdo.” When he doesn't get up, you feel like you’re missing out. Like if you stayed, maybe, just maybe, you’d get to know him a little better. “Hey, if you want, I can stay for a bit longer.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’re needed elsewhere. But,” he shrugs. “I don’t know. Fuckin’... Text me or something. Or not, I don’t care either way.”

There’s a small warmth in your chest that rises to your cheeks. He wants you to text him. “Yeah,” You say. “If I’m feeling fun.”

And with that, you bid him farewell, beginning your descent to the parking lot.

“Hey,” He calls, and you turn just in time to catch a small item he’s tossed right at you. A tiny key resides in the palm of your hand. “Spare. If shit hits the fan again-...” He shrugs, and actually looks away. “Just don’t be too fucking loud of I’ll kick your ass out myself. No Madison needed.”

The widest grin plays over your lips. “I’m gonna re-decorate your room while you’re gone.”

“Ah, you fucking better not.” He shouts. “Actually- you know what, give it back.”

“No, no! I’m sorry.” You play with the key between your fingers. “Thanks for this.”

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t lose it and remember- emergencies only. I don’t need you watching me sleep like fucking freak. We’re past that stage.”

“How many times will I have to say I was never watching you. Christ… But, alright. See ya, then.” The key is heavy in your palm.

You place it into your pocket and give him one last glance before you take off, leaving him to enjoy the sound of waves, birds, and the absence of your tears.

#nathan prescott #nathan prescott x reader #life is strange #grazing the fire #scenario #fanfic #fluff

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honeybunhalo · 3 years

Text

Kara/Lena adopt Superboy AU Notes (Part 1)

I’m finally delivering on the content for this Supercorp AU

This is a Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor and Superboy (Kon-El) centric story. Specifically focused on exploration of one's identity and how you define yourself with the many aspects of your life and choices you made as well as what you consider important and precious to you. The effects of being constrained by how you were born and finding those who love you for who you are and don't ask you to change the core of your being to fit in. — this is not an action packed story at all.

Here are some of the ideas I have for this or things I thought Kon had in common with Lena and Kara that I find compelling.

Lena concepts:

Lena gets to know another Luthor, her biological nephew, who isn’t a trash person and is someone to not just for her to protect but who’s existence assures her that it isn’t blood that makes someone bad and maybe she isn’t so different from other people and she’s not “irredeemable”. Sometimes he reminds her of her older brother when he was kind to her growing up. Likewise, everyone usually sees the Lex in Kon as an inherently bad thing and thus he learns to hide it and hate himself for it. Lena presents an alternate because she remembers bittersweetly a simpler time when she looked up to her brother. Not everyone sees the Luthor genes in him as a threat, Lena finds it comforting to be able to help someone like her in a way she was never helped as a young girl.

Lena thinks she can’t interact with kids well, much less the kid Lex had grown in a lab, but she totally warms up to him and can talk to him about familial rejection (via Clark) and if it’s because he’s a Luthor and if that makes him wrong. Is it because he’s artificial? Is it because he’s some strange illegitimate lab child? Smothering this kid with love and protection.

Plus Kon is like Kara in more than just being kryptonian but also in dorkiness. Lena’s life is just trying to wrangle an overpowered golden retriever and her lab puppy. She can’t stay mad at them for long.

Lena finding she is capable of loving and being loved and being with Kara makes it harder to ignore the crush she has on Kara. They talk together about love and acceptance now they have a shared kid they don’t want to hide personal things from that could later hurt him and many things become open secrets in their now shared house. Soon enough, it becomes obvious she needs to be truthful with Kara about her own feelings for her.

Lena could learn about the difficulties of hiding being an alien that Kara had to deal with and the onslaught and exhaustion of developing powers in young kryptonians. She gets to see first hand what it does to a child and wonders how that must have affected Kara’s emotional development and sense of self.

Lillian and Lex won’t get anywhere near this kid if Lena has something to say about it. Lena knows what it’s like to be the odd one out in a family and for people to reject you for simply existing from other people's sins

Kara concepts:

Kara recounts how she felt like a failure waking up on earth to find out Kal had grown up without her. Now she can maybe make peace with that by taking in Kon even if everything that motivates her choices with him is primarily for kons sake.

Kara can share with another person krypton's history and culture which is something she’s had to keep seperate from her primary identity for years now *cough* it’s almost like she’s an immigrant who has to hide her identity and culture to be accepted and you could use that in the story *cough*

Kon lived through being created as a lab rat and the only living experiment left. Kara could sympathize with his own grief from her experience with survivors’ guilt.

Being open with Kon so that he doesn’t feel that same overwhelming pressure when she was told to hide with a human family also gives room for Lena to learn more about the world Kara came from beyond what she knows from interviews from Superman. Having Kara speak openly about her life on Krypton is much more personal and feels much more real than any article could do.

Teaching Kon how best to control his powers and her and Lena being able to have the resources for him to do so safely

Alex is very alarmed by the new addition to the family, mostly because how shitty Clark was in relation to the kid. From her perspective, this is not the first time the guy has dumped an unwanted kryptonian child on someone else’s doorstep. Whatever, she gets to buy leather jackets for her new nephew and be scary overprotective of him. “I don’t care if you think you’re nearly invulnerable at your age, do you have ANY IDEA what type of trouble your mother got us into when we were growing up? Or even when she just started hero work?”

Conner Kon-Cepts:

His sort-of-aunts can be his adoptive moms and be much better to him than his biological dads ever were to him in the comic canon. Kon actually being allowed to be close to other Superman family members!!! I need it like the air I breathe. Kon could get to know a Luthor that isn’t trying to hurt him or use him. Someone who defies part of why (Kon thinks) Superman could never accept a thing like him.

(I have too many things to say to put in a brief bullet point just know that he’s my fav little boy and I think that he deserves parents who would love him unconditionally and Lena and Kara deserve to live a slower life where they can be cute and domestic)

(If he’s raised by these two then I can give a solid reason as to why we just ignore all the blatant misogynistic and horny writing from the 90s comics that made me really uncomfortable and didn’t completely fit with his given backstory especially with how over the top the specialization was. It helps make up for that)

Kon has to deal with being constantly compared to his two genetic fathers mirroring how Kara and Lena both are constantly being compared to Superman and Lex Luthor as they are the female counterparts of those two more infamous members in their respective families

Kara and Kon have very complementary stories and could become what the other needs to fill a hole in each of their hearts. Canon is way too personally tragic. I’d rather have a bittersweet world that’s also soft so I can spend more time with slow paced character analysis.

(In the beginning, Kon’s much more timid given he’s still so young and is coping with being rejected by superman. The tone at the beginning of the story is very serious. As the story unfolds, kon will loosen up to be goofier like his comic counterparts personality)

Both Clark and Lex don’t deserve this kid in any way. If all they are gonna do is mistreat or neglect him in their own ways, Kon is better off with his aunts.

Conclusion:

Kara and Lena can be happy together by fully trusting themselves with each other in domestic bliss for once AND Kon doesn’t have to cry his eyes out knowing he’s an unwanted experiment child who is “undeserving” of family and home who never got to experience childhood

Everyone who's always saying “you can’t trust a Luthor” better shut their trap when Kara walks in with Kon-El Luthor, her newly adopted son, and her fiancé, Lena Luthor. These new moms will tear you apart if you try to instill that internal hatred of being a Luthor in their son’s young mind.

Kara and Lena both defying what people say about them and instead raising a well adjusted boy from both their warring families.

Kon is gonna be raised by a true power couple.

DC refuses to deliver on giving this boy a home or parents so I’m gonna do it instead. Just look at the family they could be together:

(FYI: This has nothing to do with the version of Superboy in the Young Justice cartoon TV show, so if you’re only familiar with that you may be a bit confused about this Superboy who that one was loosely based on. This whole punk fitted kid is indeed a real character and I stay pretty close to his original design from 1993.)

#Supercorp #Supergirl #Kara Danvers #Lena Luthor #Conner Kent #Superboy #Kon-El #Kara Zor-El #my art #my au #Supercorp + Kon AU #Supercorp and Superboy AU #long post #Feel free to comment or tag because I love reading peoples reactions/ideas about this #i just have a lot of feelings about this

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