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disaster-theysbian · 10 months

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Gotta say, I've been out as a lesbian for 3 years and nonbinary for a year and a half. And I've noticed something.

Just because someone *always* gets your name and pronous correct, and angrily calls out anyone who forgets, doesn't necessarily mean they support you.

Conversely, just because someone struggles to remember your name and pronouns, or can't wrap their head around gender neutral/neo pronouns at all, doesn't necessarily mean they DON'T support you.

This is applicable to any situation really not just queer shit. Watch what people do, not just what they say, and you will find your friends. Someone might shower you with compliments and have common interests with you, but what happens when you tell them no? Do they get angry when they are corrected? Do they have kind things to say about other people?

My colleagues wouldn't know a gender-neutral pronoun if one hit them in the face with a dictionary, but they make sure I've had a lunch break and get home safely. They have my back if I have a difficult patient. They defend me against other staff members who like to create drama and bitch about people as if they're still in the school playground. If someone has something to say about me being a big ol' queer, they make it known that discrimination has no place in our unit.

My best friend in the whole entire world forgets my name and pronouns every day. When the organisers of her therapy group changed "men and women" to "people" and "he/she" to "they" in order to be more inclusive, there was outcry. Everything from the "it just doesn't sound right" grammar-policing nonsense to the "f*cking special snowflakes are offended by everything". She came down on them like a ton of bricks. She said if the organisers hadn't told them that it was changing, that they wouldn't have noticed. She told them they obviously haven't loved someone outside of the gender binary and they were missing out. She then told them how she had seen me grow and develop since I came out, and how in awe she was of the person I had become. No, she doesn't understand it at all, but why should that mean that she can't be there for me and appreciate how happy I am to be able to be me? Why should that mean, because you lot don't understand it, that someone with the same issues as the rest of the therapy group feels unsafe and unwelcome and doesn't get their issues resolved? As a result, a few of them changed their minds, INCLUDING HER OWN FATHER, and the rest at least shut the hell up about it.

ON THE FLIP SIDE...

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns delighted in making me walk on eggshells, inventing reasons to be angry with me, convinced me I was a terrible person and even went as far as to try and turn me against my own therapist. They tried to tell me that my therapist only said I was a good person because she was paid to, and that because they themselves had a psychology degree that they could tell I had all these complexes and needed to work hard to be a good person, and it was unlikely I'd never get there. (I chose to listen to my therapist and stop being friends with this person).

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns continued to do things that made me uncomfortable when I asked them to stop. Never said in as many words "you're not allowed to hang out with your friends" but conveniently had an emergency every time I had plans, and accused me of being uncaring if I needed my own space. They knew I had difficulty asking for help, but still got angry with me when I asked because I didn't ask "soon enough".

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns told me they would look after me and they didnt. .

A queer person threatened to misgender me MORE when I corrected them.

I'm just saying, that if you choose to yeet everyone who doesn't get your name and pronouns right... that doesn't necessarily make you safe. We live in a very binary world. As much as we want that to change, it won't if we ignore or shout at the bits we don't like. (Believe me, I've tried).

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c-wilbursoot · 9 months

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Hullo! Welcome to our humble little blog.

We're the Solar System, or Solaris, collectively. (Any pronouns are collectively are fine, we use they the most) This is a blog for all the Wilbur introjects in our system (Primarily c!wilbur but we've a cc! or two floating around in here somewhere)

We aren't particularly well versed Tumblr wise, we've floated around here for years, but it's our first go at proper posting things. Hopefully we'll get the hang of all this soon!

On that note, m not really all sure what to put into an intro post, but I think frequent fronters is relatively customary?

Im Wren, one of our L'manburs, an organizer in our system. Probably fairly fitting that I got chosen to do the intro post for us.

My signoff is 🪶✉️ My Pronouns are He/Sun

Otherwise other people that'll probably be common on here ah

Rosette comes up very often, essentially just from very early dsmp/pre-dsmp? He's an absolute sweetheart, adores anyone sbi based

His signoff is 🏵🎸 Their pronous are He/They

Lapis is common too, just a general comfort for us, somewhere between a caretaker and a soother I believe? Wool was our very first Wilbur introject actually! A ghostbur, they're an absolute sweetheart as well

Wools signoff is 🎶 Their pronouns are They/Wool (Occasionally they'll use he, depending on the day? But that's up to them)

Oh Lament is almost always up, him and our host may as well be glued to eachother. They're a pogbur, but now with more ~therapy~ (The *look* I just got for that haha)

His signoff is 🎻 And their pronouns are He/They

Icarus is also almost always up, one of our reviveburs. He's taken on a few roles, a bit of an organizer like me, somewhat of a caretaker, jack of all trades like.

Flames signoff is ☀️🕯️ Suns pronouns are They/He/Sun/Flame

Monarch isn't quite as common as the others, but still fairly frequent. Shapeshifter Wilbur! Talk to her about the ocean he loves the ocean so very much, they're very commonly an orca siren out of any of their forms, talk to him about orcas.

Her signoff is 🦋🪞 Their pronouns are Any pronouns!

That's probably enough listed, I believe. Enjoy your stay in our little corner of Tumblr!

Oh right! Our Dream Introjects have a blog as well! @c-dreamwastaken

-Wren, signing off! 🪶✉️

#dsmp #wilbur soot #system #did system #system intro #🪶✉️

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catohphm · 2 years

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A Lesson from Pride

Everyone's identity, sexuality, gender, pronous and other protected characteristics should be respected unconditionally.

For example, if a person who uses they/them pronouns only is caught commiting a crime, you do not disrespect or use any other pronouns just because they're a criminal.

They are still human, and their pronouns are part of their identity. No matter their character, actions, or traits, they still have human rights that must be respected regardless if they are free or incarcerated.

We must remember that we are all human and deserve to be respected equally when it comes to our identities, genders, sexualities, races, nationalities, faith, and other human traits.

#pride month #pride

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tea-with-evan-and-me · 3 months

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Sorry for continuing the conversation abt the Taylor stuff, I know it's Evan blog so most ppl reading it probably don't care but I just wanted to add something.

Gaylor was much different some time ago. At some point it was just recognizing queer themes in Taylor's music (and they're there, intentional or not), analyzing her lyrics from queer perspective and sometimes debates about whether she actually used she/her pronous in her performance or it just sounds like it. Now it's calling her gay because she has queer friends, her stage visuals have colors that are also in lesbian pride flag, because she supports lgbtq etc. Stupid shit that doesn't mean anything. And they sexualize her friendships, making jokes about how her girl friends are lucky because they can have sex with her whenever they want, how she likes fucking married women etc and ofc they call everyone who calls them out a homophobe. Swifties don't even consider them real fans, and they're kind of their own thing

We are so so so lucky we don't have people like this in Evan fandom.. ofc we have some deranged people, but nothing as extreme

i definitely get this and appreciate your perspective.. the same loss of rationality and outright offensive and batshit type of thing happened with the larries. there was a time when it was not the way it is right now.

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live-love-laugh-lesbian · 2 years

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To be blunt, I have no vested interest in talking much about trans stuff on here. It's annoying and a lot of you take any take that isn't "uwu trans women are the most valid women ever" as "trans people deserve to die horribly then burn in hell", so I don't expect nuance to be understood.

But since I've had some asks, I might as well clarify.

First off, to be clear, disclaimer, I do not hate your average trans person. I was transgender, and only reidentified right before I was about to start hormones. I'm still dysphoric, and I get that some of you have severe and enduring dysphoria. I hold no ill will towards you for wanting to be the opposite sex or even somewhere inbetween.

I also get that for some, medical transition helps. I know some people transition and live very happily and just live their lives. I hold no ill will towards them.

However, this is typically in rare cases of severe dysphoria where all other treatments have failed and it impacts the quality of life enough that medical transition outweighs the drawbacks.

Or, at least, this is how it was.

Frankly, what used to be recognised as a mental illness, or possibly a neurological one, usually found in homosexual men and usually was "grown out of", has now become more of an ideology. And a lot of it is rooted in sexism and homophobia.

Disclaimer again: This is not me saying "all trans people are sexist and homophobic". This is me saying that trans stuff has become almost like religion - an individual may be fine but overall it's toxic.

You cannot become the opposite sex. You might be able to live and present as such, but you cannot become it. A man cannot become a woman and vice versa, no matter how they feel or how badly they want it. Change your name, dress and look however you want, I don't care. Personally I kept my name change, I cut my hair off, and I generally prefer a slightly more "masculine" style. I support you in having fun and wearing and doing what you like. But no, a trans woman is not a woman, a trans man is not a man, and non binary people are the sex they were born as. I'm sorry because I know it's distressing but it's true.

Now, onto the "gender critical" parts. AKA, my feelings towards the current state of transgender affairs.

Once again, a disclaimer, this is issues that come from the general collective. Many of you are chill people suffering dysphoria, many of you do not do shitty things, etc. I do not hate you.

Sexism. So much of how people realise they're trans seems to be built off sexism. How many non binary "afabs" say stuff like "I don't feel like a woman, I feel like a human"? Newsflash, that's what being a woman feels like! All women "just feel like humans"! There's no special feeling that makes women think "yes I'm a woman". And there's a massive rise in the amount of trans women that play on sexist stereotypes and are sometimes just creeps. Who talk about stealing underwear from loved ones, about how euphoric make up feels, how gender affirming it is to be catcalled. Seriously, there's a disturbing trend of men just playing on sexist stereotypes and calling it "being a woman".

Homophobia. Homosexuality is the exclusive attraction to the same sex. End of. I acknowledge that if you've fully transitioned eg, male to female, and present as the sex you are attracted to, then calling yourself straight must feel odd, and frankly I don't envy your position. But you are. Homosexuality is not about gender identity. Lesbians don't like or have dicks, and are not born with them either. If you like trans women/men and cis women/men, congrats on discovering your bisexuality, genuinely! 🏳️‍🌈 But the push to redefine basic terms, the push to insist some gay people like the opposite sex, and at worst, that homosexuals are bigots for not being into the opposite sex, is deeply homophobic.

Defending Creeps. Holy shit some of you defend creeps so badly. Again, a lot of you don't, but as a group I've seen arguing that you should ~respect a rapist's pronouns~, the assumption that trans women in particular can do no wrong eg people arguing that real trans women won't hurt anyone in bathrooms (which you frankly can't argue when also arguing anyone who says they're trans is trans). I've seen people admitting to being literal neo nazis, alt right and perverts, and it's dismissed as them "figuring themselves out". And yes, it's mostly trans women. Why? Well.

Downplaying male privilege. Being born male, trans women have male privilege and male socialisation. Some may experience misdirected misogyny later in life if mistaken for a woman, and some may experience homophobia, as femininity in men is associated with being gay. Neither of these change the fact that they have male privilege, and frankly the reason they have such a loud voice in the community is that "afabs" are socialised to let men do that. Sorry, "amabs". If you were really being treated as women, you'd have gotten nowhere by now to be frank. Nobody would be clammering to appease and validate you.

Following this, no, "cis" women are not privilleged over "trans" women. Females are the oppressed class, not males. A male does not become the oppressed class by saying he is, that's ridiculous. It works in no other context with any other oppressed class, so seriously just think about it. But...

This has lead to a greater denial of misogyny and sex based oppression. When all of this is gonna get me branded a bigot, when every bit of it is literally just facts, with no hatred, just annoyance mostly, it's simply because men with gender identities are cared about more than women. You can't say women and mean women, adult human females, and this makes talking about our sex based oppression very difficult.

And misleading medical information, including to minors, is dangerous. Puberty blockers are not always reversible, frequently cause long term damage, and if you medically transition it should be an absolute last resort. As a community it's talked about far too casually. It is life changing and comes with all sorts of risks and complications. It often doesn't help long term. It's very dangerous how acceptable it's become to insist it's fine and dandy.

So yeah, I think that sums it up. I don't care a whole lot about the individual trans person. I want you to have access to housing, healthcare, education, benefits, jobs, etc. But as a collective it's very toxic. Hence critical.

And yes, this has had a lot of mentions of trans women. Males having male privilege and socialisation leads to them being loud, vocal, and often showing some of the worst of things. But plenty of women ("afabs") are guilty of these things too.

Final disclaimer: I don't care as in "not my business" not "fuck you".

#gender critical #this is gonna cause a shit storm #but hey

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the-ic-corner · 6 years

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What to do in Milan? Šejan go shopping

Fluff without much of a plot, I guess. Is this what they call domestic fluff? It’s a little naughty here and there. Also, I love perfumes as much as Mario so I spent way too much time finding matching fragrances for our boys. Anyway, picture included for reference. And fun. We’re in Milan, Dejan is visiting his boyfriend.

tag list (message me to be added or removed): @croatian-nt @ivnana2 @lovren-la-vida-luka @worldsmightiestwitch @flemishyugotalian @crazy-for-lovren @zadarskabagudina

It's an unusual grey morning in Milan, but it didn't make Dejans morning any less beautiful. He knew Šime left his side of the bed a few minutes ago and now he hears him rumble around in the kitchen. The smell of fresh coffee made it's way to the bedroom. Šime was humming a song, but Dejan couldn't make out what it was. He closed his eyes, not quite ready to get out of bed. The sheets smelled strongly of Šime and he wished he could just wrap himself in that scent forever.

His peaceful waking up was brutally interrupted by 75 kilo of pure muscle landing on top of him. At the same time the speakers started glaring:

MARICA ZNA

KOLIKO JE OBOŽAVAM

Šime looked him in the eyes, playful and excited. "Are you awake, Dejo?" he said with a big grin, but barely audible as Marica was still blasting through the apartment. "Yes, yes, now I certainly am" Dejan answered and kissed Šime's nose. They got up and headed to the kitchen, following their nose to the coffee Šime just made. He lowered the volume of the music again and sat down. The table was all set-up and Šime even looked a little proud of it.

"I need you to make your famous scrambled eggs, Deggsy" Šime said, emphasising the egg in the nickname. "You know I can't cook for shit and would only have coffee for breakfast if it wasn't for you."

Dejan warns Šime to never use that nickname again, as he starts getting the eggs from the fridge. He also didn’t know how to cook much, except for his famous scrambled eggs. He’d happily make them for Šime every day. At breakfast, the boys decide to go shopping today. They're in Milan, and Šime wants to adjust to his new Italian lifestyle.

They're out the door quickly, neither of them needs to spend a lot of time in the bathroom. Dejan admires Šime's effortlessly cool look. The birdnest that is his hair is looking better than ever, slicked back with a little hair gel. Dejan himself still doesn't have a lot of hair so that could be considered effortless too.

As they're walking around the city centre, their hands often brush against each other. "I really wish I could hold your hand now, or maybe grab your ass" Dejan said. Šime softly smiled and answered: "You know we can't be too obvious in public yet, but nobody speaks Croatian here anyway so we don't have to watch our language". Dejan gave Šime a big wink, indicating that he indeed had no plans to watch his mouth.

Their first stop was the prestigious La Rinascente store. Šime ran out of his signature perfume and needed a new one. Šime has been wearing Bleu de Chanel for a few years now. He always got compliments from the ladies, and one man in particular. He already felt Dejan creeping up behind him to catch a whiff of his fragrance.

"Why don't you have a signature scent, Dejo?"

"I don't know, I just go with what ever rubs off of you on to me" Dejan answered with that cheeky grin that wasn't going to leave his face. “No, I usually just pick one that says ‘sport’ on it.”

"Let me pick a scent for you" Šime said.

Dejan looked on while Šime wandered off through the fragrance department. He would grab a bottle every now and then, spray some on a piece of paper and sniffed it. Dejan was mesmerized by the concentrated look on Šime's face. He could just look at him forever. But Šime gestured him to come over. A bright red bottle of perfume had caught his eye (or maybe his nose). It was Givenchy Xeryus Rouge.

"I think this is perfect for you" Šime declared.

"I can't even pronounce that. What about that bottle?" Dejan said, while pointing at Dolce & Gabbana The One. "It says my name right on the bottle, the one."

"If we were going by just the name, I'd get you a Playboy fragrance!" Šime answered. "Try this one, it's good."

Dejan allowed Šime to spray some on him. It was not what he expected. It was nothing like fragrance Šime wore.

"Hmmm, it's nice. Spicy... and sensual" Dejan said, thinking out loud.

"Just like you" Šime said with a smirk.

Dejan grabbed both perfumes and headed to the registers. "I'm going to buy my boyfriend a present! And myself too!"

The couple continued their shopping spree in a small boutique that sold some exclusive Italian brands. Šime wanted some new clothes of the highest quality. “I can’t show up with ripped jeans all the time” he said while grabbing a pair of beige chino’s. “I’ve heard these make your ass look good” Šime continued.

“Well, try ‘em on then” Dejan said cheerfully.

Šime disappeared into the fitting room while Dejan seated himself in the lounge chair next to the mirror. When Šime appeared, he looked so good Dejan’s mouth dropped.

“What do you think?” Šime asked sheepishly after admiring himself in the mirror for a while. He took one look at Dejan to know the answer.

“Stop staring at my ass, you’re being too obvious” Šime hissed.

Dejan smirked. “I don’t think I can stop. Aj laaaajk.”

“I see that, dragi, and your t-shirt says it too. Isn’t it time to get you some new shirts? You’ve been wearing nothing but our Aj Lajk t-shirt for weeks now” Šime noted before heading back to the fitting room to change into his own clothes again.

“Do you think I’m wearing this t-shirt too often?” Dejan asked while browsing the store.

“No, but I’d love to see you in this!” Šime answered. At the same time he pulled out the ugliest shirt Dejan had ever seen. It had some kind of seventies pattern in ugly green and purple.

“No way! You might be able to pull that off but I cannot.” Dejan answered. “I prefer this” he continued, showing a nice checkered fitted shirt.

“Do you want to be compared to that guy from Toy Story again?” Šime teased. “Why don’t you try this plain blue one, this color looks good on you.”

Dejan agreed and went to the fitting room. He wondered why Šime was always right, the light blue color looked indeed great against his tanned skin. He exited the fitting room full of confidence, happy to show off his new look.

Šime was definitely not disappointed. “Fuck, that looks great on you...” he said and admired his handsome boyfriend. “Wait, let me fix your collar” he said while getting closer to Dejan and continued to smooth out his collar. “Oh fuck, you still smell irrestible too” he said, now with a lower voice.

“I better buy this shirt, before you rip it off my body right here right now” Dejan said. Of course he noticed the change in Šime’s voice and that could only mean one thing.

“We’d better go home quickly. My jeans are getting tight” Šime confessed.

They gave each other a knowing look before heading to the registers and get back to Šime’s place to spend the rest of the day in the privacy of their own bed.

#sejan #sime vrsaljko #dejan lovren #fanfic #croatia nt #croatian nt

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