#this baby can fit so much religious trauma

[iliketoydinosaurs]

Transmasc Dean in which Cas made him amab when he raised him from perdition but Cas got scolded in heaven because Dean was "supposed" to be afab.

#this baby can fit so much religious trauma #i love this hc sm #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #dean posting #spn #trans dean winchester #transmasc dean winchester #trans hc #supernatural headcanon #spn hc #dean winchester headcanon

[fulltimedunce]

The Martyrdom of Saint Jean-Paul Valley

I was practicing my anatomy by replicating paintings and I couldn't get this idea out of my thinking organ while seeing a painting of Saint Sebastian

Will finish it if college allows me to, posting it in case I don't

#jean paul valley #digital art #batfam #batman #knightfall #azbats #azrael #cant get him out of my brain #Jean Paul valley my beloved #this baby can fit so much religious trauma

[charlottesweetly]

have a grace sketch before i go to bed

#grace chasity #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #starkid #hatchetfield #sorry for not finishing it!! i couldnt be bothered. #also i dint wanna draw the hair clips #im gettin faster at this tho!!! #this girl can fit so much religious trauma in her #grace #my art #ive been listening to pure as a lamb by baby bugs a lot.

[mephestopheles]

Dear gods I love this season of d20. Junior year is just *chef's kiss* fantastic and full of so much anxiety. I keep thinking about Kristen and Cassandra and their relationship. Kristen from the first episode, or maybe the second after she met Helio has spent a lot of time with doubt as her constant companion. She didn't know if she was meant to be Helio's chosen, or that he was worthy of having a chosen. Her doubt led her to studying more, and opening up to philosophy and different points of view.

Creating Yes! was an attempt to find or create her own surety. How can she doubt a god that is just "yes!". But she still doubted, she still questioned everything.

This got long, the rest is under a cut!

And that makes sense, everything her family, her church told her was a lie. It was a perversion of truth to fit their ideals of who is Correct and therefore Good and Deserving, and those who are Wrong, and therefore Bad. And if the "bad kids" actually go out of their way to help people and don't judge anyone for their beliefs or punish others for their failings, then why are they considered "bad".

Of course finding a goddess of twilight and mystery and doubt, makes so much sense for Kristen. With the tools she learned from her friends, those "bad kids" to reach out and not judge, she saved Cassandra.

However, she hasn't saved herself. She's still lost in her own doubt. Tracker has left, amicably or not, that has hurt Kristen, and she's not innocent either. Kristen had a part to play in that relationship splitting, but she's definitely crumbling at this point.

What drew Kristen to Cassandra was her doubt, was her questioning. Her fear and her loss of all those connections that grounded her at the beginning of freshman year. And while Cassandra is correct, Kristen is not alone even in the dark, that Cassandra is there with her, holding her hand (which is such a good line, Brennan omg!) Kristen is having trouble believing in anything.

She believes in Cassandra. Full stop.

Kristen doesn't believe in herself. And she doesn't know why Cassandra believes in her.

It's that ADHD thing, where you feel like you're constantly fucking up in everyway and it's just a matter of time before you fuck up that this person is going to see how much you actually suck as a person. No matter how much you want to stop fucking up, subconsciously speed running it at least accomplishes two things. One) self sabotage gives you an outcome you already know the steps for and the sense of control (false or not) is at least enough to make it feel like a safer choice. Two) it's going to suck when the person you're trying to impress/has control over your grades/ is somehow in a position of authority that believes in you, finds out you are messy, and a failure, and are useless, but at least if they find out fast, you don't have to keep some ruse up.

Kristen isn't conscious of this decision making. Take it from someone who's done it enough to realise that this is what is happening in the background. It sucks so much, and when you don't know you have ADHD it's worse, because all of those are now personal failings.

So of course Kristen has no idea how to relate to Cassandra as anyone other than "the next person I'm going to fail". And she has no idea how to proselytize for any god outside of Helio, and that kind will not work to bring followers to Cassandra. Moreover, Kristen's entire relationship with Cassandra is based on doubt. So while Kalina is correct that promoting the powers found in twilight and mystery, that's not what Kristen sees.

She's still very much a prophet of Helio in Cassandra's robes. She's still using the same kind of spells, and she's so caught up with "how do you show others that doubt is a good thing" that she doesn't see the other options.

And unfortunately that means she's failing, and she feels it. And that doubles her terror. And that's not even including the whole "you're dangerously close to being expelled." Like this would be the instance to literally beseech your god and admit your fear and doubt and Cassandra would understand and would probably be empowered by that connection. It would have the reverse effect with Cassandra than other gods, she gains from doubt and mystery, and Kristen sharing her fears and not knowing how to share Cassandra could be such a good thing for both of them.

But Kristen was raised in an environment where doubt was punished. That was unfortunately reaffirmed by walking away from Yes! because in her mind her doubt of Yes! and that deity's death is her fault because she doubted.

But doubt isn't the reason Yes! died. Yes! died because it was the manifestation of belief in a liminal space by a questioning teen, and should not have had the ability to substantiate something, and wouldn't have been able to outside of the very specific circumstances of a Beardsley nat 20, and the power funnel of a self resurrection. Kristen didn't believe in Yes! Never did. She created it and in that instance stopped believing in it. Yes! Had a slow death of "this is not what I wanted but I don't know how to say that".

I don't know how this is going to turn out for either Kristen or Cassandra, and I'm hoping that there's going to be a reckoning for them, and maybe an understanding between them. Like both are so traumatized. Cassandra is traumatized for losing so many followers to Galicaea and other deities.

So of course she's going to be that much more fixated on getting more followers and making sure that Kristen hadn't left for her girlfriend's goddess. (Ex or otherwise).

#dimension 20 spoilers #fhjy spoilers #fhjy #kristen applebees #hits roof you can fit so much religious trauma into this baby #this became a ramble and i hope I kept to my points #I also feel so bad for Kristen #she's speed running right into failure and she doesn't know how to stop or how to ask for help

[gravedigg]

do virgil's tattoos have meaning for him or does he just think they look nice?

Oh! Yeah they definitely have a meaning for him, I loaded those bad boys with as much symbolism as I could fit.

Ok so:

-Ouroboros knot on his right upper arm, ouroboros being a symbol or creation through destruction, of never ending cycles, of self destruction. It's specifically two of them tangled together, symbolizing Virgil and Enver, inexorably intertwined, but still fated to cause their own ruin, to be consumed.

-Above that are three coffin nails, symbolic of the dead three, and the holy trinity, father-son-holyghost, past-present-future, beginning-middle-end, mind-body-spirit, etc.

-Around his left bicep is a ring of thorns, symbolic of martyrdom, suffering in the name of your god/father, of being irrevocably ensnared in the destiny decided for you, no matter how much it hurts

-A solar eclipse on his left forearm, symbolizing ambition, the end of days, the apocalypse, the death and destruction Virgil was created to sew. Think Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden or Black Sun by Death Cab for Cutie.

"We will rise together over Toril as a roaring sun."

-A knife on his right forearm, pretty standard, severance, sacrifice, violence, devotion, faith, martyrdom, with a droplet of blood at the tip, reminiscent of Bhaal's symbol

-And then, "singulis et omnibus" across his left ribs, meaning "each and every one" a reminder of his purpose, and that he must kill every single living thing in the end, no matter what, that his love isn't enough to spare any of them, not even the one most important to him.

"What would be more perfect than to die by your love's side and know love was not enough?"

-And lastly there's a skull on his right calf because Inkspiller Dave wouldn't tattoo him unless he could do one (1) skull, as it's his trademark.

#thanks for the pity ask myc #sorry for rambling #I think too much about these things #thanks for humoring me #Virgil Acheron #this baby can fit so much religious trauma in it #durge #bg3 #ask

[daggerspared]

bradley, despite not being religious, has protestant written on his tags. jake, despite growing up very religious, has nothing.

jake asks him about it one day and bradley just kind of shrugs and says his parents were christian. not super devout but they’d go to church sometimes, celebrate the holidays, say grace at carole’s parents house.

bradley figures it doesnt matter much, really. maybe they’ll bury him christian, but they’ll bury him in a suit, not a hawaiian shirt, and they’ll bury him in the ground, not the sky, so at that point what does it matter if he’s not really christian?

and jake with his complicated and stifling and painful relationship with religion is so baffled by how uncomplicated bradley’s relationship with it is. cuz like religion, for bradley, is something you believe. religion, for jake, is something that owns you.

#top gun maverick #hangster #jake hangman seresin #bradley rooster bradshaw #to paraphrase a bookmark left on my fic tgm writers look at jake and go this baby can fit so much religious trauma #blu posts

[abyssinspace]

Alright people it time for a good omens 2 talk. There will be major spoilers so proceed with caution!

When I first watched the ending I was shocked! Aziraphale leaving Crowley for heaven?!? I wouldn’t have believed you at the beginning of the season. That being said after taking time to think over the ending, it actually makes a lot of sense to me. In the years between Armageddon and the events of season 2, Crowley and Aziraphale lived in relative peace and safety. But then shit went down. Specifically, Aziraphale’s bookshop was attacked. When Metatron, the fucking voice of God, tells Aziraphale that he can make heaven better and be safe with Crowley at the same time? Of course Aziraphale accepts the offer, the voice of God just offered him everything he wants!

He has a lot of religious trauma and on top of that even though he and Crowley have been safe the last couple of years, that may not last. As he says “nothing lasts forever.” This makes him susceptible to Metaton’s manipulation, and it is manipulation. He wants so badly to have heaven be the “good guys” after all that was his side for about 6,000 years. He wants Crowley to be with Crowley without being afraid, but Crowley turns him down. How could Crowley say no? Everything will be perfect this way?

Crowley turns him down because he can see in shades of black and white in a way Aziraphale can’t yet. Crowley is firmly on his and Aziraphale’s side, but Aziraphale making this choice causes Crowley to believe that Aziraphale isn’t. Crowley loves Aziraphale, he loves him so much that he wants to run away with him, on earth or the stars it doesn’t matter.

Aziraphale love’s Crowley, he love him so much that he wants to make heaven a place they can be together without being afraid of other sides, on top of that he really hasn’t seen the corruption in heaven yet. After all it isn’t “an institutional problem.” Aziraphale can’t understand Crowley’s view, yet. I firmly believe that after being in heaven again, in a place of power where others in power still hate him he’ll start to understand.

As a side note, Crowley was particularly hurt by this choice because he just watched Gabriel and Beelzebub live out his dream. He wants to run away from both sides and just BE with Aziraphale. What he gets instead is heart break.

#good omens spoilers #go2 spoilers #good omens #good omens 2 #analysis post #ineffible husbands #crowley #aziraphale #*slaps Aziraphale #This bad boy can fit so much religious trauma in him #I hate seeing people hate on Aziraphale for his choice #I just wanted them to be happy #my poor babies #fuck you metatron

[lillypad910]

His Angel

Pairing: Bi! Eddie Munson x Bi! Christian (Baptist) raised! plus sized! girly! f! Reader

Word count: 10k

Warnings: (this is not pre-read, so it may have errors) MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! smut, fingering, oral (f receiving), piv, protected sex (they wrap it), fluff (lots of it mixed in), reader identifies as an atheist after childhood trauma dealing with religious beliefs, pet names (Angel [main], Sweetheart, Baby, Baby girl), use of (y/n) but only with family members.

Summary: You were always a good girl, a good Christian girl who wanted to be loved by your family. But growing up in that house was hard. With two older brothers way older than you, and parents already in their late 50’s, your relationship with your family is… difficult. You were taught that what you are is wrong, but then you fell in love with a certain guitarist who makes you remember that you are worthy of love.

A/n: Came up with this idea a couple days ago (literally right after my last post about having writer’s block), and just went to town on it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it!

If you wanna be tagged when I post ask or comment telling me so!

All photos found on Pinterest

You remember your childhood vividly, it wasn’t ‘bad’ for the most of it. Church was a constant play in the workings of your family home. Your mother a youth worker within the church (your church didn’t actually allow her to hold ‘pastor’ as her term), your father an old choir boy, now working a normal 9-5 job in an office building. Your family attended church every Wednesday and Sunday, every Easter, thanksgiving, and Christmas. There was no alcohol allowed in your house, not even during the holidays.

You have two older brothers, both of them were closer in age, only five years apart, while you were ten years apart from the youngest of the two, so you grew up practically on your own. You were raised primarily by your older parents, bother already reaching their 40’s when you were born.

Your oldest brother, Logan, once said in a fit of anger that you were an accident. You didn’t understand at the time, but now that you’re older, you get it.

You’ll never forget that one fated day you sat in your room, you had just turned thirteen a few weeks before. Sarah, your friend from church, someone you’ve known since you were infants, sat across from you. You were making friendship bracelets.

There was something about Sarah, she was just so… so pretty. Her long blond hair always perfectly curled, her gorgeous green eyes you could swear you could stare into for hours.

Elijah, your other friend, a boy from school, had told you that you shouldn’t act on any of your feelings for Sarah. His daddy had told him it was wrong to feel that way, to feel… attracted… to the same gender. But you couldn’t help it.

You had spent many nights sleeping over at Sarah’s and her at yours. As children you would hold hands on the playground. Your parents thought it was cute how close you two were. But as you sat in front of her that day, that beautiful day. The sun setting outside, the shades of purples and blues mixing with the warm orange, of the last golden rays highlighting her hair perfectly. You couldn’t help it.

You kissed her.

It happened so fast, you leaned over, capturing her lips with yours before pulling away. Your heart raced in your chest, beating faster, and faster, and faster. Her beautiful green eyes widened, her expression of shock was even pretty. Did she feel this way too? Did you act to fast? Before you could say anything to her, she quickly stood and ran out of the room. You heard her yell out for your mom as her foot steps made it down the stairs.

Oh no. Oh no no no no!

Your hand slapped against your chest, your heart not slowing as you began to panic. You read it all wrong, all wrong!

It’s all gone wrong. Elijah was right. I should have kept quiet. Held back.

Maybe I can play it off?

Your mother came barging into your room as you picked back up the bracelet quickly. “Hi, Momma!” You gave her a smile. It was so fake, but you just beg the lord she won’t notice. “Dewdrop,” your mother’s voice that day was stern, “did you-“ she cuts herself off, taking a deep breath, as if trying to calm her emotions, “Did you… kiss… Sarah…?”

Your brain had scattered, terrified how she was gonna react. You took too long.

She had snatched you off the rug before you could even say anything else, dragging you by your ear and down the stairs. Her hand raised before you before you could react.

Smack!

It been years since that day, as you now sit at your desk in your room, the pink floral wallpaper from your childhood always and forever familiar.

Tap! Tap!

You look over at your window, your eyes widening as you spot the long curly mop of hair even through the darkness outside. Quickly making your way to your window, opening the pane carefully, your heart racing as you are greeted by the softest, most comforting brown eyes you ever did see. “Eddie!” You whisper yell at him, your voice filled with concern and worry, “what are you doing here? You know my parents can’t see you!”

Eddie is all smiles, his eyes glancing down to your lips, “So? I thought you liked the chance of getting caught?” You roll your eyes, happy you are allowed to lock your door now that you’re older. “So…” he grips his hand tighter on the windowsill, “gonna let your boyfriend in? Or?” You immediately step back, muttering a sorry as you help him throw himself into your room without knocking anything over.

After straightening out his leather jacket and denim vest, he steps closer to you, reaching out and gripping at your nightgown, balling the fabric into his fists. “How’s my beautiful girlfriend?” You can’t help but smile at him, “I’m ok,” your hands slowly move up his chest, your eyes watching your fingers cling at his leather jacket, “how about you, Romeo?” He smiles, leaning in and giving your rosy cheek a peck, “I’ve been good, bored though.” “Oh?” “Mhmm,” His lips pressed soft kisses against your skin, getting closer and closer to your lips, before stopping. “You fucking tease…” you pout, gripping a little tighter at his jacket, making him chuckle. “Oh I’m sorry, did my good girl just swear? In her family home?” “Shut up.”

He pulls away and drops down onto your bed, spreading out across your powder blue duvet. “Come here,” he gestures for you to come lay with him, but you do something he doesn’t entirely expect.

You lift your nightgown, giving him the smallest glimpse of your white panties, the little blue bow on the front catching his eyes’ attention, before climbing over his legs. Your legs sit on either side of his hips, your center lowering just on top of his crotch, making him let out a soft groan. “Happy?” You ask, grinding your hips down and he grips at them quickly, steadying you. “Fucking swear, if you keep doing that-“ “What? You’ll do what, Munson?” Your voice is sugar sweet, faking innocence so well.

“Fuck, gonna make me cream my pants, Angel.” He sits up, adjusting his position so his hands are down on the bed behind him, propping him up. “Oh? Am I too much for you- Ah!” You gasp, cutting your sentence short as you’re flipped over, quickly looking at the door before back up at the guy on top of you. Eddie smirks down at you, his eyes glancing down at your lips. “Never,” he kisses you quickly, “ever,” another kiss, “think you’re too much for me.” He kisses your nose this time, before nuzzling it with his own.

He softly kisses you again, his lips pressing gently to yours, but slowly he picks up, kissing a little more desperately. His lips are slightly chapped, scratching a bit against your perfectly smooth lips. Your heart picks up, breath becoming more unsteady with every smooch. His hands guide down to your hips, pulling your nightgown up and to your waist, making your panties entirely visible. He pulls away, tilting his head down to the view he so desperately loves. “Could stare at you all day, Angel.” He gives you one final kiss before beginning to kiss down your neck. His fingers curl around the hem of your underwear, pulling them down slowly as his kisses travel down your clothed chest and bare stomach.

“All mine,” he hums into your skin, “all for me.” He pulls your underwear past your knees, gripping one of your thighs and pulling your shin and foot through the leg hole. “Gonna kill me one day,” he kisses along your lifted thigh. You feel yourself getting wet from his touch, his kisses sending shivers down your spine. He pulls your panties off your other leg, looking back up at your eyes before pocketing the white pair. “Mine now.” You can’t help but giggle at him, not able to count just how many crusty pairs you’ve gotten back weeks later.

His fingers move to your stomach, his palms kneading into your chubby belly like a ball of dough, before moving lower. A soft gasp leaves your lips, sounding like the most beautiful melody Eddie has ever heard as his fingers slip inside you.

Eddie swears he could watch you take his fingers all day. The way your eyebrows scrunch up, your eyes go blown, your thighs try to press together.

He leans down, brushing his nose against your clit. He watches his fingers thrust in and out of you from such close proximity, before licking your folds. Your hand quickly flies up to cover your mouth as you moan, trying to keep quiet with your parents just down the hall.

“E-Eds…!” You gasp, his free hand pressing your legs farther apart, his hips now rutting into your mattress as he buries his face in your cunt, lapping up your arousal. You let out a soft whimper as your toes curl, your hips now lifting off the bed to push into his face. Eddie removes his fingers from you, now gripping under your thighs and around to your hips, pulling your body into his face more. Your thighs squeeze around his head as you feel yourself release, gripping the duvet under you. Your eyes blur over with a few tears from the feeling, still not entirely used to being pushed to this amount of euphoria.

Your legs softly get set on the bed, a wet spot under you as Eddie climbs back up, placing a soft kiss on your stomach before smiling down at you. “Angel,” he reaches up and cups your face, tilting it to look at him, “You still with me?” It came out with a soft laugh, teasing. “Yeah,” you breathe out, breathe still heavy as you come down from the high, “Yeah, I’m here.” He smiles and pulls your nightgown back down, his obvious erection still poking at your thigh.

You sit up, glancing back at your door before turning back to your secret boyfriend. “Sweetheart,” his voice draw you back in, his fingers wrapping around your chin and pulling you against his chest as he leans back against your pillows, “don’t worry so much, you keep glancing at the door like they hear us.” He kisses your cheek, nuzzling into you. You blush as the only thing you can smell is you. “Eddie,” you quietly groan out his name, practically a whisper. He hums, fumbling with the belt to undo it. You blush as he shimmies his pants and boxers down his hips. You tilt your head to the wall, your blush spreading to your ears.

“Angel,” Eddie places his hands on your back, “look at me.” You pull back and look at him, your heart beating fast.

“You can tell me if you want to stop, Sweetheart. You know that.” He kisses your nose, his fingers slowly moving to ball your nightgown up, letting his warm fingers press to your now bare back. “Do you want to stop?” His voice is calm, no judgment present anywhere. “No… I-I wanna…” your eyes glance at your mirror, giving you sight of your door. Eddie’s eyes soften.

“Angel, you were being all confident earlier, now you’re shrinking and keep looking to make sure your door is shut.” He kisses your nose, making you melt a little into him. He hesitates for a moment, “is it… because of back then…?” You freeze, immediately your head snaps to look at him, his deep brown eyes staring at you with such love.

“Do you wanna sneak out…?” You ask, trying to dodge the reality of your trauma. Eddie’s eyes narrow, “Oh no, you’re talking about it now. You have no choice.” “What? No!” You whisper yell. “Angel,” Eddie pushes you off of him a little, making your eyes widen, the fear of rejection again banging on your heart. He pulls up his pants again, before pulling you back onto him, immediately shushing those thoughts, “Talk to me.”

“I just-“ you hesitate, you let out a deep breath, “I’m scared…” Eddie’s eyes soften, his hands sliding down to your hips, grounding you. “What of?” “Here.” The word comes out tense, your discomfort obvious, but not from him or his actions, just the place. Your room. Your house.

“Baby,” Eddie rubs his thumb over your hip, “We can pick this up tomorrow, we don’t have to-“ “No!” You immediately wince and cover your mouth at your raised voice. “I-I mean…”

A thud comes from across the house. You both freeze.

Shit.

You both scurry to get up, you pulling down your nightgown as he quickly goes to hide in your closet behind your door. You quickly shut your window, unlock your door, and sit at your desk, immediately jumping back up from the cold feeling on your —you shockingly forgot�� exposed lower body. You don’t have time to grab another pair of panties so you just tuck your night gown under you and sit.

A knock comes on your door immediately after you sit. “Yes?” You call out. The door opens and your mother pops her head in, “Did you make a loud noise?” You just nod.

“Yeah sorry, I, uh, messed up my paper. Did I wake you?” She hums in response, “technically, but it’s alright. It’s almost midnight, Darling—” the nickname makes you cringe. It’s the same one she called you that day. “— make sure you get some sleep.” She smiles at you, before shutting your door and you hear steps heading back down the hall. You finally let out the breath you didn’t even realize you were holding.

Eddie sticks his head out, making sure the coast is clear before stepping out. “That was terrifying.” “Yeah no shit, Eds.” You tell him as he steps closer to you, he places his hand on your head and leans down a bit to kiss your hair. “I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?” You look up at him, “but-!” “No buts, Angel. You’re too stressed here, I’m gonna sneak you out of class tomorrow and take you somewhere more private. Then we can finish what we started.” He lets you lay your head onto his stomach for a moment.

“Fine…” you hate that he’s right. Your room hasn’t been a ‘safe space’ since you were thirteen. He gives your head one more kiss before climbing back out your window.

You and Eddie run out of the school, hand in hand, adrenaline pumping through you as you both book it to his van. It was only 12:35pm, luckily for both of you, your lunch had just started, so it was easy to walk out of ‘class’, class being the cafeteria with an annoyed teacher by the doors who doesn’t care that you leave.

You both slip into his van, giggling as you pull out one of the cassettes from his glove compartment and pop it in, Metallica immediately filling the van. “So, I was thinking, food first, maybe milkshakes at Benny’s, then maybe park somewhere?” Eddie pulls the car out of the spot in the lot. “Sounds good to me.”

You pull up to Benny’s, immediately seeing the girl you’ve had a solid crush on for two years was working. “Eds, it’s her!” You practically slap your hand over his chest. “Holly shit- uh, do I look ok? Cute?” “Always.” Eddie’s smile was genuine, but you glare at him slightly, “I don’t want ‘always’ I need an opinion!” Eddie chuckles as he watches you step out of his car, straightening your dress. “Sweetheart, I feel like she’s not gonna care-“ “Shh, don’t ruin it.”

You both step into the diner, Eddie holding the door open for you. “Take a seat anywhere!” Her voice calls out. You both take a booth by the window, Eddie giving you the side that best angles you to always be able to see her. “You’re always so supportive and I love you for it.” He smiles at your admission. “Can’t do anything without my permission, Angel.” “I know.”

“Hi, I’m Chris, I’ll be your server,” the girl you practically drool over pulls out a pen and her serving note pad, “What can I get you both?” She asks, glancing at you first before Eddie. Eddie watches you, your eyes practically glittering and he tries not to laugh. “A double cheeseburger for me, please. No onions. Sparkle over there will have a short stake of chocolate chip pancakes, two scrambled eggs with cheese and a bowl of grits, butter and cheese in that too.” The girl, Chris, smiles at him, impressed he knows the girl across from him—you—so well. “And to drink?” She just looks to Eddie this time, “Two chocolate milkshakes, and two waters. She’ll also have a cup of coffee, vanilla creamer.”

You snap out of your gaze after she begins to walk away, “Wait, what? What happened?” “You spaced.” “What!?” You look over at him, “It’s ok, Angel, I ordered for you.” You give him a soft smile. “Oh yeah? What did you order me?” “You’ll see.”

When the food arrives to the table you practically have your mouth watering on the table at the array of food, especially thankful for the cup of coffee. “I love you, you take such good care of me.” You pretend to wipe a tear from your eye. “Hmm.”

As you both eat, Eddie randomly slaps his hand down on the table, then excessively taps it, not loud enough to grab the attention of others, just you. “Oh my-“ you look up at him and see he’s looking towards the door. You turn and see a young man walking in, his long hair and attire very similar to the boy sitting across from you. “Eddie, sweetie, you’re gay is showing.” You hold your straw as you take a sip of your shake, staring at your boyfriend. “Says the girl who drools over the waitress.” Eddie shoots back. You place your hand over your heart, “you wound me, Eds.”

“Is he cute? He’s cute. Shit.” Eddie’s cheeks suddenly turn red, making you laugh. “Now who’s drooling-” “I’m not drooling…!” Eddie blushes.

When you both finish your food, you get back in his van and he drives to a secluded spot, parking behind an abandoned shopping center that no one even drives by anymore. You sit there for a moment thinking about how to initiate, before your boyfriend quickly pulls himself through the seats and into the trunk of his van.

Eddie adjusts the blankets and pillows he shoved back there earlier that morning, watching as you squeeze yourself through the seats following him. He pulls you straight onto his lap, lifting your dress up so your thighs are exposed to his hands. “I love you,” his voice is soft, pulling you in and making you swoon. “I love you more,” you wrap your arms around his neck, leaving soft kisses on his lips before moving down his jaw and neck.

Eddie’s fingers grip tighter on your thighs, nails digging into the soft skin. You exhale a soft sigh. “You’re so fucking perfect,” Eddie speaks first, grinding your hips down on his crotch, “Want you so bad, been thinking about it all day.” You giggle softly, nuzzling your nose into his cheek as you enjoy the feeling of his growing tent in his pants.

“Yeah?” You ask, nibbling at his earlobe before pulling away. He groans, annoyed you stopped but glides his hands up under your dress. “I love that you wear dresses, I don’t care if it’s technically for your mom, it gives me the perfect access to you,” his hands massage the fat on your sides, digging his thumbs in your skin, “should take it off though, don’t wanna get it dirty.”

You grip the hem of your dress and pull it over your head, your bra now visible to him. He lifts his hands up your skin and cup his fingers around the garment. You look into his eyes as you watch him continue to stare at your body, his pupils blown, making his comforting brown eyes look black. You grab his vest and jacket and help him slide it off his arms, throwing them both to the side. He yanks off the Hellfire shirt before smashing his lips onto yours, kissing you with such passion.

He pulls back, shimmying down his pants while you quickly pull off your underwear. Before the fabric is even entirely off your legs, you’re pulled back onto his lap, your back facing him this time, you look down and immediately blush. His cock is perfectly placed between your thighs, the red tip sticking out and tapping against your stomach with every twitch. “E-Eddie,” you reach back and cup his head from behind you as he grips tightly at your hips, grinding you against his length, his shaft rubbing against your clit.

“Wanna grab us a condom from behind my seat?” He asks. You nod, pulling away from him and reaching down. Eddie swears he would do it raw if he could confirm you wouldn’t get pregnant, but your parents would never allow you on birth control. You grab one of the foils and climb back up against him, opening your legs so his cock is accessible and rolling the condom down. “Relax, Angel, I’ve got you,” he kisses your cheek before lifting your hips, his cock practically jumping to press against you.

You gasp as you’re slowly pulled down, your cunt sheathing his cock without much resistance. Before long, your ass presses back on his crotch, his length fully in you. “You ok?” He asks, hearing your breath picking up. You nod, but that’s not good enough for him. He reaches up and tilts your head back to him, making you look at him, “use your words, Baby.” “I’m ok.”

Before too long your feet are planted against the bed of his van, your hips moving up and down, up and down, as you bounce yourself on him. His hands grip tightly at your waist, his soft groans giving you praise as you try not to just cum on him. “Baby,” his voice pulls you back in, making you whimper. He lifts you off of him, before turning you back around, making you straddle his lap again before going back down. His hands move down your thighs, until one slopes just below your belly, his thumb finding your clit. You crumble at the sudden addition, your head falling to his shoulder.

Eddie loves watching his little Angel crumble because of him. Watching your body shake as your thighs clench, your hands balling into fists on his chest as you try your damn best not to explode, not wanting him to stop. “Come on, Angel,” he whispers into your ear, leaving small kitten licks over your lobe, “cum for me, Baby, need to feel you cum.”

His lips press to the corner of your mouth, “Come on, Baby girl, wanna feel you, need to feel you cum.” His fingers rub harder into your clit, making you moan. Before long you’re gasping as you cry, your boyfriend thrusting up into you as your body shakes. Eddie kisses your cheeks, nose and forehead as your thighs squeeze at his hips, your body releasing around him. “There we go, such a good girl, doing so good for me, Angel,” Eddie kisses your lips as you feel his thighs getting sticky from your arousal.

He shuffles, slowly and carefully laying you back in the bed of the van, onto a blanket with a couple pillows behind your head. He doesn’t leave you, careful to not disconnect your bodies. He climbs over you, pushing your legs out and around his waist. He kisses your hairline, slowly beginning to thrust into you. Your whimpers and moans fill the air around you, his hips moving slow at first before picking up pace.

You brush his hair away from his face before pulling him closer and kissing him, your lips moving in perfect sync. His fingers dig into your hips, holding you steady as he goes a little harder.

It doesn’t take long till you cum again, this time he fucks you through it even harder, not stopping or slowing. His groans sound so hypnotic, like a praise leaving his lips without actual words. He thrusts one final time, holding his hips hard against yours as you feel his cock twitch inside you, his face scrunching as he finishes into the condom.

Eddie drops down, his lips pressing to yours repeatedly, before pulling out. Your legs shakily drop to the floorboard, cunt clenching around nothing as you try to come down from your high. He pulls off the condom, ties it off before dropping it between the seats. He pulls up his jeans and boxers before slipping your underwear back up your legs. “You did such a good job, Angel,” Eddie kisses your eyelids, before leaving a soft kiss on your lips, “I’m so proud of you.”

You can’t stop yourself from blushing as he pulls you onto his chest, laying down with you in the blankets. He snuggles into your hair, kissing your head as you smile from his kisses. “You enjoy this too much,” you enquire, giggling a little when he kisses your nose. “I do, but it’s not my fault my girl is so beautiful when she’s coming down from an orgasm.” You roll your eyes, but not in an annoyed way, you enjoy his teasing.

You don’t know what got into you as you climb down the lattice outside your window. You were never a disobedient child growing up, but for some reason you still climb down one foot after the other, time reaching 8pm as you hit the ground.

You turn to see your beautiful curly haired boyfriend grinning ear to ear at you. “I can’t believe you’re actually doing this. I’m a bad influence on you.” You glare at him but don’t deny it, cause he is. “I didn’t know what to wear, so I hope you brought something for me to change into.”

Eddie smirks as he grabs your hand, pulling you down the street and to his parked van. He opens the back, showing the few t-shirts he brought from his closet. “Pick one. Any one.” He smiles at you. You grab one of them climbing into the back before he shuts the doors behind you.

You quickly pull off your frilly floral shirt, chunking it to the side of the van, before slipping the Metallica shirt over your head. It’s a little snug, but you don’t hate it. You quickly pull your hair up in a ponytail with the red scrunchy on your wrist.

Climbing to the front, Eddie already half way there to the bar, you sit yourself in the passenger seat, quickly pulling a lipstick you stuck in your pocket and pulling down the visor to see your reflection. You apply the red lipstick, a much deeper color than you usually wear.

Eddie glances over, watching you apply the makeup. He had to be careful with staring, picturing those now perfectly red lips smothering his cock with kisses, leaving lipstick all over his shaft-

“Eddie?” You call out to him, and he looks at you again for a quick second. “Yeah?” “I just remembered I’ve never met the guys.”

It’s true, you’ve been dating for maybe 6 months, but it’s entirely secret to people you both know personally. Eddie had asked you to come to the show tonight because he wants you to meet them. The guys: Gareth, Jeff, and Kevin. He wants you to attend Hellfire meetings, meet Dustin, the kid he practically took under his wing, have you attend his shows, meet his uncle. He doesn’t want you to be a secret anymore to his side of life.

“Then you’ll get to meet them.”

Eddie and you pull up to The Hideout Tuesday night. You’re nervous pick up as he parks the van. “Hey,” Eddie reaches over and grabs your hand, “I appreciate you wanna see me play, Angel. But if you’re uncomfortable, I can take you home.” You shake your head.

You’ve been looking forward to watching him play live for months, and nows your chance. Besides, he’s already snuck you out of your house, you might as well enjoy it.

Eddie opens the car door for you, helping you out of your seat before holding your hand as you walk inside through the back entrance.

You hear laughing and talking coming from around the corner, and before long you’re dragged into a room with three boys you recognize from classes. “Hey, guys.” Eddie greets them. They all turn to you both, the messy haired blond tilting his head first. “Who’s that?” He asks. Eddie looks at you, and you look at him, your eyes more nervous than his but his soft eyes comfort you.

“Angel,” he simply says. The guys stay silent for a moment, before gasping and running up closer. “Holly shit!” You know this one, Jeff from Chemistry, practically screams as he reaches for your hand, “You’re like a whole myth at our lunch table!” You blush as it dawns in you.

He talks about you. Eddie talks about you to his friends, he might not have told them who you were until this very moment, but god damnit, he talks about you.

“Eddie can’t shut up about his ‘Sweet Angel’ practically fawning over you every lunch period.” The blond follows. “Refuses to clean his shirt of lipgloss or lipstick before school just so we’ll ask about it. Fucking bastard.” The bigger guy slaps Eddie over the head.

“Hey, it’s not my fault, I mean look at her. Can you blame me?” Eddie is practically glowing, his smile bigger than you’ve even seen it, and that’s saying something. “Wait,” Jeff looks at you for a minute, squinting his eyes. “Chemistry right? You sit towards the front?” You nod, “yeah, Jeff right?” You smile at him. “Yeah, shit, almost didn’t recognize you. Not in your usual floral dresses tonight.” “Yeah, kinda not supposed to be out past 7,” you explain easily. “Your family goes to Franklin Baptist right?” You nod.

“Damn got yourself a religious girl, Eddie?” The blond snickers to himself. You glance up at Eddie before looking back at him. Jeff speaks before you can, “The asshole is Gareth, that’s Kevin.” He points to them respectively. “Nice to meet you, and no. I’m uh, actually atheist. Just… raised Christian.” You hold your hands together in front of you.

“Hey,” a guy pops his head in from a door heading out to the bar, “on in five.” He dips out before anyone replies. “Well,” Eddie turns to you and takes your hand holding it up to his lips, “how about you go out there and sit by the bar? Get some water or something, watch us play.” His lips press a soft kiss to your knuckles making you blush, “ok.”

You sit on one of the stools by the bar, a glass of water in hand as the announcer introduces the next band. “And up next to the stage is Corroded Coffin!” A couple people yell out, raising their glasses up in the air, but not too many.

Then they all step out, the cute guy you know so well with his guitar on his front, stepping up to the front mic with such grace. “How are we all doing tonight?” His voice booms through the room and a few people again holler out, “We are Corroded Coffin, and to start the night off good, Id like to dedicate this first song to the lovely girl in the Metallica shirt by the bar. Lookin’ good, Angel!” He gestures to Jeff who immediately starts his rhythm on the guitar, Gareth following soon after on drums.

Oh my.

“Mmm, yeah!” Eddie jumps in before letting them play a bit longer. Kevin joining in with his guitar.

No he’s not.

Then they all begin it. “Ha!” Eddie continues, and the guys follow with “Do do do dodo dodo do do, do do do dodo dodo!” They repeat it a couple times before Eddie jumps back in. “Tonight… I wanna give it all to you!”

Oh no he IS.

You feel your cheeks heat up, instantly closing your eyes as you try not to giggle. “In the daaarkness… there’s so much I want to do-o-o,” both Jeff and Gareth lean into their mics “And tonight,” all three of them sing before Eddie continues on his own, “I wanna lay it at your feet,” he points directly at you, stopping his own playing to continue with the next lyric, “‘cause, Girl, I was made for you, and girl, you were made for me!” Eddie can’t help his grin, watching you trying to not die from embarrassment in the corner, “Hit it!” He yells before all the guys jump in to continue the song.

“I was made for lovin’ you, Baby! You were made for loving me! And I can’t get enough of you, Baby! Can you get enough of me?”

You cover your face but peek out through your fingers as you watch them finish the rest of the song. You have to sit through the rest of the set, trying not to giggle to yourself after the choice of an opener.

When Eddie finally meets back up with you, nearly two hours later, you glare at him through your third glass of water, “I hate you.” Eddie chuckles before throwing his arm over your shoulders, kissing your forehead, “no you don’t. You love me.”

You take a deep breath, trying to make the redness in your face go away, still not over the first song of the show. “How long,” you look up at him, sitting your glass down on the counter, “have you had that planned?” “Uh,” Eddie looks over at the backstage door before turning back to you, “couple months.” His cheeks tint, obviously embarrassed by the admission. “Eds, I told you I wanted to come to the show three days ago,” you smile at him, “and I know damn well that’s not in your original set, I’ve seen the original set list, Eddie.” You can’t help the goofy grin that pulls at the corners of your mouth.

“Might have convinced the guys the day you told me to knock out the original opener to fit the one we practiced for you…” he admits. You laugh, a solid hearty laugh, not a giggle, not a chuckle, a full on laugh. A snort finds its way in, catching you off guard. Eddie joins in immediately after it happens, covering his mouth as he tries not to do the same.

You both laugh for a good minute, just cackling to yourselves as you try to calm down. When you finally catch your breath, you speak up first, “Those poor boys, you just tortured them for the last couple of days.” He nods, his hand on your arm as he holds his stomach, “yeah, they hated me the last few days.”

You didn’t stick around too long, not wanting to test your luck with your parents and your empty bedroom. You both walk out of the bar, his arm over your shoulder, both of you giggling as you press your hand into his chest.

“(Y/n)?” A deep voice makes you freeze. Your heart stopping as you refuse to look up. “(Y/n)?” Eddie looks over at the speaker, a man who looks so similar to you, but he’s older, at least 10 years. “Can I help you?” Eddie asks, his hand gripping tighter on your shoulder. You look up and there he is.

It’s happening again.

“Yeah, you can let go of my little sister, creep.” Logan, your oldest brother, glares at Eddie, his eyes sharp and narrow. Eddie slowly lifts his hand from your shoulder, obviously just not wanting to anger the guy who’s nearly twice his size. You sigh, “Logan, he’s fine.” You place your arms over your chest, gripping your arms tightly. Logan looks at you then back at Eddie, “why are you with this guy? Who is he?” Logan steps closer, still on edge.

You take a deep breath. Here we go.

“His name is Eddie,” you tell him, looking up at him, “he’s not a creep, he’s my boyfriend, Logan.” Logan hesitates for a moment, “boyfriend? Since when did you get a boyfriend? Mom and dad know?” He scoffs when you stay silent, “take that as a no,” he looks at Eddie, glancing over his form, his clothes, hair. He’s judging him.

“So what do you do? Besides take my underaged sister to a bar.” You roll your eyes at his question. “His band plays here every week. We didn’t drink, I had a couple glasses of water, Logan.” You glare at him, getting pissed off. Logan hums in response, looking Eddie up and down, “glad you are actually dating a guy,” he speaks, “mom’s gonna be pissed he’s not from church though.”

You think for a moment, then raise a brow, “Why are you here?” Logan hesitates but you speak again before he can reply, “It’s a bar, Logan, if you thought I was drinking but I’m underaged, what am I supposed to think about you? A guy of thirty-three, past the legal drinking age? What is mom gonna think about that?”

You don’t know what got into you. Maybe it was the way your boyfriend was will to embarrass you in front of a decent crowd, maybe how he talked about you to his friends even though your relationship was supposed to be secret. Maybe it’s how he didn’t falter in front of his friends, kept staying near you and showing you love and affection. Maybe it was just… Eddie.

You glance over at the brunette standing next to you, noticing how his eyes never leave your brother, nervous. Sweet Eddie. “Go tell mom.” You suddenly say, Logan looks at you a little shocked. “She was gonna have to find out eventually, at least now I can tell her that her perfect oldest son drinks. She might actually worry about you more than me.”

“Hmm,” Logan hums before continuing to make his way towards the door, stopping right next to you, “you go down, I go down too? I’ll hold you to that.” He makes his way into the bar.

You both drive back to your street with no further problems. Eddie parks his van a street down, turning off the headlights to not get any attention drawn to you both.

“So…” Eddie mumbles out, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, “That was interesting.” You scoff lightly, leaning your head back on the headrest. “I swear, if he rats me out, he’s done for.” Your voice sounds more joking than anything, but you aren’t. “Mom hates alcohol that much?” He chuckles a bit, leaning back against his own seat and looking over at you, a small smile on his lips. “Oh completely. My parents are Baptist, Eds, alcohol is a sin to them, they refuse to even have it in the house.” “Didn’t Jesus like… turn water into wine?” You shrug, “who knows why, I’ve questioned that my entire life.”

“Logan is the oldest, right?” You nod, “yep, fifteen years older than me,” you look over and smile at him. “You mentioned once you didn’t know your brothers that well growing up,” Eddie reaches over and grabs your hand. You take a deep sigh, “yeah, since I was born when Logan was fifteen, Noah, my other brother,” you give his hand a squeeze, “the middle kid, was ten. I was an accident, not planned.”

He runs his thumb over the back of your hand, listening to you. “You know how Christians are, against abortion and all. I was closest to Noah growing up, but even that felt more like a babysitter, not a brother. Logan acts like my brother now that I’m older, but when we were kids, he was just…” you stop, raising his hand up to your lips, placing a soft kiss on his fingers. Eddie moves his hand, letting it cup around your face.

“Angel,” Eddie calls out to you, making you look at him, “It’s gonna be ok.” He gives you a soft smile, which you return. “I love you.” The words slip out of your lips naturally, little butterflies in your stomach.

You don’t know why. You’ve said those words to each other hundreds of time already, but for some reason it feels… different. It’s not just a quick phrase, a sentimental thing you say to make you and him feel good. You mean it. With all of your heart. You love him.

Eddie’s smile grows a bit bigger, “I love you.” His beautiful chocolate brown eyes gaze at you with such love you feel it. You know he means it with everything he has. You could stare at those eyes all day, hopefully one day you can.

In the morning, you sit with your family at breakfast. Your mother plates everyone food, which you help her set the table. “Oh, darling, set up a fourth setting,” your mother instructs you, “Logan is going to be here any minute.” “What?” You turn quickly to her, a tinge of discomfort in your stomach. “Logan. He’s going to be joining-“ The door bell rings.

Oh shit.

“I’ve got it!” Your father gets up and goes to answer the door, “Logan, good to see you, son!” Your oldest brother steps inside the house, hugging your father. “Hey, Pops,” Logan departs from the front door, entering the dinning space, where you stand and your mother brings out some plates and sits them down on the table. “Logan!” Your mother smiles, quickly pulling her oldest child into a hug.

“Hey, Momma, thanks for having me such short notice,” he smiles, parting from her before turning to you, “Hey, (y/n).” He holds out his arms, and you hesitate before hugging him. You don’t want to tip off your mom.

After everyone has a plate at their seat and the table is decorated in platters of pancakes, eggs, grits, and so much more, Momma really went all out, you all take your seats. “So, Logan dear,” your mom smiles at her pride and joy of a child, “we heard about Susan from Cindy at church. Why didn’t you tell us?” You look between your mother and brother, a little confused.

You know Susan, that’s Logan’s wife. You met her a couple times, a little grossed out because she is 23, closer to your age than to Logan’s. You know Cindy to be a gossip at church, her spreading the ‘rumor’— as your mother referred to it—of you kissing Sarah all those years ago.

“What happened with Susan?” You ask, making your mother to turn to you. “She was found sneaking around with Gabriel a couple months ago, apparently the affair has been going on for a year. Your brother here,” she points to Logan, “requested an annulment for the marriage with the state and church because of the adultery.” You can tell from her raising voice she’s furious about the whole affair.

“It was approved last week.” Logan informs you all, “She signed the papers only a couple days ago, no arguments made. I’m letting her keep the house, so I’m gonna get an apartment close by, so thought I’d come visit for a couple days while looking.” Your mother practically gasps with glee at the news, “So you’re gonna be closer to home? How wonderful!”

That’s the last thing you need, another set of eyes out in public watching out for you.

“Isn’t… divorce a sin…?” You ask, not trying to incriminate your brother, not at all, just genuinely confused as to why your mother would allow it, or even be happy about it. “Technically,” your father speaks, your mother finishing for him, “But only without proper cause. That whores affair is proper enough.” You nearly chock on your juice as your mother’s phrasing.

“Momma!” You yell at her, staring at her utterly shocked, “You can’t just-“ “Why not? She cheated on my baby with someone inside the church!” Your father just nods along. You look over at Logan, he’s nearly just as shocked as you are.

“You shouldn’t call her that, Momma,” Logan takes a sip from his coffee, recovering from the display, “She was still my wife.” Your mother looks a little hurt from his intervention, sagging back into her chair as if she’s a toddler being told they have to eat their veggies.

“Your mother is allowed to be upset, Logan,” your father speaks out, looking up at your brother, “just like (y/n) can speak her mind, and you can speak yours.”

Such bullshit. Your opinions never mattered growing up, do they suddenly now because you’re older?

“I need to head out to school,” you explain, standing up and taking your plate. You clean off the dish in the sink, before walking by the table again, hugging your mother and kissing your father’s cheek. “I’ll see you later today.”

The next few days are uneventful, just back and forth with school, your mother bickering you about your future, and your perfect brother hogging the bathroom. Until Saturday.

You sit in your room, changing out of your day clothes and grabbing the nightgown from the basket of clean clothes. The warm air from the weather comes in through your open window, perfectly creating that warmer atmosphere.

“I’d say keep it off.” You jump back from the sudden words spoken out, your eyes immediately darting to the window where your metal head dork of a boyfriend sits halfway in. “You scared me, Eddie…!” You whisper, “you shouldn’t be here, everyone is probably still awake.” He just shrugs at your warning.

“So who’s the car outside? It’s not your dad’s and your mom doesn’t have one herself,” he asks, moving in closer to you, pulling your nightgown from your hands and pulling you to him, your bare chest pressing to his t-shirt. “It’s Logan’s, you dingbat. And if he sees you here he might not be so keen on keeping you a secret.”

“Eh, I’ll be out before anyone notices. Though I should really teach you a thing of two about actual creeps,” he kisses your cheek, his hands pressing to your back, “maybe then you’ll learn to shut your window when you’re changing.” You roll your eyes, “you’re a jerk, Munson.” He chuckles, pushing you back onto your bed, immediately pushing at your knees to frame your legs around his waist, laying into you. “A jerk? Me?” He kisses you softly before traveling little kisses down your neck, “A tease maybe, but never a jerk, Angel.”

Your breathing gets heavy as he moves down your chest, cupping one breast in his hand before taking the other into his mouth. “Eds,” you blush, gripping at his shoulders as his cold fingers graze over your nipple. “Hmm?” “My…” you can’t help but feel your panties start getting wet, “my brother is home, and my family is still awake- mm!” You bite your lower lip, muffling the soft moan that leaves you when his teeth bite down on your hard bud.

“You can be quiet,” Eddie smirks, pulling away from your torso, “Don’t you wanna be a good girl? Be quiet for me?” You hate how he knows that shit works.

He pushes your throw pillows off your bed, pulling back the covers. “Don’t be too loud or we’ll be found, ok?” He goes lower under the sheets, right where you want him, pulling your underwear down your legs. You cover your mouth as you feel his tongue glide across your core, his fingers brushing your folds out of the way. Two digits break your entrance, making you whimper as you grab his long curls with your free hand. “E-Eds…!” You try to be quiet, your body reacting quickly to his actions.

“Go on, let it out, Angel.” His approval sends you over the edge way too soon, your thighs squeezing his head as you finish, gasping for air. Eddie leaves little kitten licks before pulling away from you. “I’m proud of you,” he leans up and kisses your neck, the smell of you very prominent on his lips. “Oh?” You lean into his kisses, just letting him do as he pleases, “why is that?”

“You may have mentioned how people are home or they’re awake, but you haven’t looked at that door once, Angel.” He smiles down at you. And he’s right, you haven’t.

Sure you’ve mentioned worry, but there is no real fear this time. Your body is completely reacting only to Eddie, sweet Eddie. Your Eddie.

“I haven’t have I?” You smile back at him, not even looking now, even though it’s been pointed out to you, “Maybe you’re a bad influence.” Eddie smiles, placing a quick kiss to your lips before stripping himself down bare, fisting himself a little once finished. “Don’t know what you think you’re doing with that without-“

Eddie digs into his jacket pocket before throwing it down and pulls out a condom, holding it up to your face. “I come prepared, my lady, no need to worry.” You hum in response, watching him rip open and roll on the condom. Once it’s on, he quickly holds at your thighs, taking no time to slowly push himself deep into you.

“Not gonna lie, Angel,” he sighs as his cock bottoms out, “I’ve been looking forward to ducking you into your white sheets for months.” You blush as he starts to move, a soft moan leaving you as his hips roll into yours. “Could fuck this pussy all day, like a fucking drug,” he kisses your cheek. You bite your lip trying to not moan, but each thrust presses that perfect spot as he knows your body just all too well.

“Eddie…” you whimper out his name, your ankles crossing behind his back. His thrusts stay slow, sensual, easing you into it as the knot already forms in your stomach. He’s gonna be the death of you one day.

He lays his head on your shoulder, tilting it downward so he can watch the place your bodies intersect, watching his cock thrust in and out of you achingly slow. “Eddie, please,” you mutter out a beg, wanting him to pick up speed, to just put you out of your misery, but he doesn’t. “Not yet, baby girl,” he kisses you once, twice, three time before staring down at you, “gonna fuck you nice a slow, watch you get sensitive before letting you finally cum.”

He does this for a good thirty minutes, making you get testy as you cling to him, wanting him to just fuck you harder. “Eddie, please.” He picks up the pace, thrusting his hips into you a little harder. You gasp, the feeling sending you so close to your climax you have to fully concentrate to not finish. “Eds..!” You grip at his shoulders.

“Go on, Baby, cum for me.” You do, harder than you’ve ever before. Your eyes water, thighs clenching around his hips as you let out the most erotic sounds. After that it only takes him a few more thrusts before he’s whimpering out an orgasm of his own, hiding his face in your hair.

You stay like that for a moment, just both catching your breath. After a few minutes he pulls away, tying the condom and dropping it in the trash can under your desk. He slips back on his boxers before climbing back onto the bed, it shifts under his weight. You turn over to him as he lays next to you, pulling the covers over you both.

“I really enjoyed that.” You speak first, pulling the pillow under your head closer. Eddie smiles at you, his body fully turned in your direction, laying on his side. His hand lifts and pushes a few loose strands of your hair behind your ear, “Yeah?” To which you nod. “I did do,” he follows up.

You feel your cheeks heat up as you hide your face into the pillow, feeling butterflies flutter around in your stomach. “Like, I really liked that,” you hope the tone expresses what you mean. You didn’t just like it, you loved it.

Eddie can’t stop the corners of his mouth from lifting, watching you hide your face, your ears turning red from your flush. He leans over and places a soft kiss against your hair. “I really liked that, too,” he emphasizes the same word and you groan as you curl into your blankets more, making him chuckle.

“Angel,” his hand presses against your bare back, his warm fingers running up and down your bare skin. It’s not sexual, just soft, comforting, like home. “I love you, so fucking much,” his voice falters a bit, immediately gravitating your attention. You snap your head up, seeing his eyes looking so soft, so loving. It makes you wanna cry.

But you don’t, taking in a shaky breath as you shift closer to him, pressing your head against his chest. “I love you, Eddie Munson. So much.” You nuzzle your face into his skin, your hands making their way around his torso, pushing him to lay on his back with you on top of him. “You make me so happy,” you mumble, leaving a couple kisses against his bare chest.

Then your door opens. The creaking of the hinges the first thing you hear before it’s followed with “Darling, do you have-“ your mother’s head pops into the doorframe, your whole world crashing as she makes direct eye contact with you.

The door bursts open, the knob banging into the wall loudly, making you jump. “Momma!” You yell out, pulling the blankets up your shoulders. She does say anything, which is somehow scarier. She just stomps farther in, gripping her fists around your powder blue comforter before yanking it back. Thankfully, Eddie sees this about to happen before you do, and grips tighter at the sheets underneath to keep you just covered.

“What in the hell is this!?” Your mother’s voice booms out, your eyes shutting tight as you flinch at her loud voice. “Momma-“ “No. Don’t ‘Momma’ me! I knew we were being too easy with you! Honey!” She walks back out, stomping her feet angrily, calling out to your father, as she makes her way down the stairs.

You both scurry out of the bed, your heart racing, “no no no no!” You quickly snatch your underwear off the floor slipping them on and following with your nightgown, Eddie doing the same with his jeans and tee. “This is so bad, this is really bad…!” You follow after her as quickly as possible, Eddie following after you.

You reach the bottom of the stairs, booking it into the dining room where your mother is already telling your father, “Momma, please, just listen-!” You feel your eyes watering, genuinely terrified as to what will happen next. “You’re… tramp of a daughter had a boy-” Eddie enters the room and your mother gestures to him aggressively, as if his presence fuels her anger more, “this boy in her room! I found them entangled together!” Your mother looks absolutely mortified.

“Please just let me explain!” You quickly cut in, looking at your father with those little doe eyes you know he can’t deny. Your father sighs, glancing at your mother then back at you then his gaze shifts to behind you, at Eddie. “Explain.” Your mother scoffs at him, “There’s nothing to explain! He’s ruined her! I can’t have another scandal with this family! Logan is already dealing with his divorce!” Your mother’s voice shakes with rage, you can feel her blood boiling from where you stand, “What will the church think?”

Your father sighs. “Sweetheart,” his eyes set on you, the same ones that used to calm you as a child, “Who is this boy?” You hesitate but straighten up your posture, glad to be given the chance. “Daddy,” you reach other to Eddie and grab his arm, pulling him forward, “This is Eddie, he’s my boyfriend.” Your mother lets out a cold laugh at this, but says nothing.

Your father takes a deep breath but before he can speak, a voice draw the attention of everyone in the room. “Oh, hey, Eddie? Good to see you again, man.”

Logan steps into the room, walking straight up to Eddie, taking his hand in his own and shaking it. “I didn’t know you were meeting everyone tonight.” He looks over at you, obviously a little confused.

“I-“ Eddie goes to speak, but your mom interrupts him. “I found him in your sister’s room, Logan. In her bed!” Logan tries not to show any drastic emotions to this news, but you catch his eye twitch. “Ah, yeah I can see where you’d consider that a problem,” he rubs the back of his neck.

“You know this boy, son?” Your father asks, pointing to Eddie, but his eyes fixed on your brother. “Yeah,” Logan speaks, looking at you one more time before shifting his gaze to your nervous boyfriend, “met him a while ago, he’s a good kid.” He pats Eddie’s shoulder. “Found out he was dating (y/n) not too long ago. They make a cute couple don’t they?” He smiles at you.

Your father looks Eddie over, “You believe in God, boy?” “Yes, sir.” Eddie speaks up decently fast, not taking any chances, but you know damn well his belief is questionable. Then the older man looks back at you, his eyes physically softening.

Your father’s always had a sweet spot for you, getting defensive when your mother would beat you for stupid things. You’re his ‘god’s blessing,’ probably the only person in this house to feel that way. And that’s what made you favor him over your mother.

“Does he treat you right? Doesn’t hit you or anything?” You smile at him, “No, sir, he’s kind and sweet. Treats me well.” You keep it simple and straight to the point. He looks back over at Eddie before continuing, “Do you love ‘em?” “Ha!” Your mother laughs, “love him? Honey, she doesn’t know-” “Yes.” You cut her off, your arms squeezing tighter on Eddie’s, “love him with all my heart, Daddy.”

Your father sighs. “If Logan thinks he’s good enough I don’t see why we should have a problem with him.” Your mother squeaks, flabbergasted by your father’s words, “because he was in her bed? This is a Christian household! I will not let a teen pregnancy tarnish this family!” “You use condoms?” The question was directed at Eddie this time, making you both flush red. “Y-Yes, sir.” “Then that’s that.” Your father stands, coming over and patting Eddie on the shoulder, “nice to meet you, Eddie,” before walking out of the room, your mother chasing after him.

You, Eddie, and Logan all stand there for a moment, a little shook after the very direct question. Logan speaks first, turning to you both. “You two are fucking stupid.” He speaks through his teeth, but he’s not angry, he’s trying not to laugh, “my God, really? At home? Come on.” He lets out a soft chuckle. “I better get something from that talk, cause Jesus save me, that was awful.” “I’ll get you a free drink at the Hideout,” Eddie follows quietly, which you just look at him. “Deal. After that shit show, I’ll fucking need it, but that’s just your payment,” Logan turns to you, “you owe me, kid. Jesus, now you know why I drink.”

Tag list:

@cagethemunson @spikeybatt @cherrycolas-things

@r-a-d-i-0-n-0-w-h-e-r-e

#eddie munson #stranger things #x reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x f!reader #eddie munson x fem!reader fluff #angst/fluff #eddie munson x plus size reader #eddie munson x chubby reader #justiceforlogan #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x reader smut #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff #rockstar!eddie munson #bi! eddie munson x bi! reader #rockstar!eddie smut #rockstar! eddie munson x reader

[theravequeen]

Also for funzies here's an art of Strangesight I did

This baby can fit so much Religious and Generational trauma in him

(song is Policy of Truth - Depeche Mode. It was written about him I fear.)

#ravens wof strangesight #wings of fire #wof #wings of fire oc #wof oc #wof art #wings of fire art

[tortured-gaylor]

from the journal of ava: but daddy i love him notes

according to swifties, this is a little mermaid reference: she gave up her voice to be with the man she loved

idk i haven't seen the little mermaid since i was 5, i'll take their word for it

i just learned these people only raise you to cage you

links back to who's afraid of little old me?: "you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me"

growing up famous, she was never able/allowed to just be or do what she wanted. this is also made clear in the miss americana documentary. seems like scott especially tried to keep her quiet and caged

she has used cage imagery often throughout her career in music videos and visuals (look what you made me do music video, the shadows in the visuals during the midnights set at the eras tour, the speak now ornament, the glass cage in the willow music video,...)

the spotify library installation also had a cage, but the birds were free on another shelf

sarahs and hannahs in their sunday best, clutching their pearls sighing "what a mess" i just learned these people try and save you cause they hate you

this seems to allude to religious people being homophobic. they try and "fix" you by praying for you

she's the odd one out, doesn't fit in with the norm (the sarahs and hannahs)

they slammed the door on my whole world, the one thing i wanted

again with the controlling

is the muse the whole world? is it simply freedom? or is it something else entirely?

now i'm running with my dress unbuttoned, screamin' "but daddy i love him"

like the love story music video

song themes are similar to love story as well with the disapproving father

i'm having his baby... no i'm not but you should see your faces

GAGGED

you should have indeed seen my face

dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid

idk what to tell you

it's queer

her parent (likely her dad) planned her whole life out for her and she fulfilled this "destiny", even if that life doesn't suit her

tendrils tucked into a woven braid

links back to seven: "your braids like a pattern"

the saboteurs protested too much

homophobes

lord knows the words we never heard, just screeching tires and true love

links back to getaway car

this could mean words of acceptance, likely from the church(goers) again

i'll tell you somethin' 'bout my good name it's mine alone to disgrace

she's done being sheltered and ready to make her own decisions, decide who she is all by herself

god save the most judgmental creeps who say they want what's best for me sanctimoniously performing soliloquies i'll never see, thinking it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me and counteract the chemistry and undo the destiny you ain't gotta pray for me me and my wild boy and all this wild joy if all you want is gray for me, then it's just white noise and it's just my choice

this is her saying people have no business being all up in her relationships. they seem to think they have the moral upper hand and get to decide what's best for her, even if they don't know her or her partner at all

she pulls an uno reverse on them by asking god to save them, just like they did for her

this could mean she's gonna love who she loves, despite what the world wants/expects from her

this calls back to the people "saving" her cause they hate her (so homophobes again)

this is a reach but did they try to strip her of her pride colours and she finally decided to ignore these very loud voices?

scandal does funny things to pride but brings lovers closer

✨ shared trauma ✨

for real though, scandal could be her being outed by whatever tabloid

forced her deeper in the closet, but closer to the (also closeted?) muse

we came back when the heat died down

the scandal forced them to keep a low profile for a bit but they came back (stronger than a '90s trend?)

went to my parents and they came around

reminds me of That™ miss americana scene

also reminds me of how the dad in love story eventually came around

time, doesn't it give some perspective?

there's something in this line but i'm not sure what

#but daddy i love him #the tortured poets department #ttpd #taylor swift #gaylor #lgbetty #friends of dorothea #gaylor theory

[smallmartiniolive]

My ninjago height head canons because I have the urge to dump them somewhere

Shortest to Tallest

Lloyd - look he’s still a baby and despite being forced to grow up he still remains the shortest,, I’m clinging to baby boy Lloyd because the horrors! The traumas! He looks very feral with his oni/dragon-ish features but he’s still small. He was so happy when he got taller only to still be the shortest

Kai - I know people like Jay being the shortest ninja but hear me out!! Kai has the energy of a feral short person that climbs people on the regular and I stand by that. All short people have a similar rage and fire buried inside them like Kai. I wouldn’t say he’s super short but you get the idea. When Lloyd started to grow he feared that he would once again be the shortest and forced someone to measure them right there. Constantly resting on Lloyd’s head for his own ego (he has to lean up a bit because Lloyd isn’t that much shorter than him)

Jay and Nya - Jay may not be the shortest ninja but he certainly isn’t the tallest. I can’t see Nya shorter than him and I like the idea of them being the same height but maybe Nya has a couple of inches on him. Also since they’re the same height they just share clothes religiously but Nya’s shoulders are broader than Jay’s and she has boobs so his clothes are snug on her unless they’re big.

Pixal - now we get to the tall people with Lloyd and Kai being shortish and Jay and Nya being average. Pixal has them robot genes and I bet she would make herself taller to compete with Zane but to fit in the Samurai X suit she had to stop somewhere so she is comfortably tall where she can get stuff on tall shelves but doesn’t bump her head on doorways

Cole - ok look hear me out. He was definitely the same height as Jay and Nya (during season 3 especially) but he started sprouting up around season 4 and scarily so. Jay shaking in his boots before his battle against Cole in the tournament of elements: oh no he got beef- I mean big very big woa men haha yea I’m still mad tho. I mean wasn’t season 4 when his appetite was shown and pointed out? It’d make sense. His growing pains being the only thing that stops him from throttling Chen

Zane - Zane will always be the tallest to me, and it’s his business if he rebuilds himself a little bit taller after injury. Cole and him are both at the height where they smack doorways but Zane is used to it so he got to be smug when he would hear a loud smack down the hallway followed by a “SON OF A BI- WHY IS THERE A DOORWAY HERE.” Kai probably uses him as some sort of look out point cus he’s tall.

#should I add on to this with people like wu and skylor? maybe #ninjago #rewatching ninjago #ninjago height head canons #height head canons #cole brookstone #jay walker #nya smith #kai smith #kai jiang #Nya jiang #zane julien #lloyd garmadon #pixal borg #astonishing I only made one spelling mistake with how deranged I was typing this out #me waking up with the thirst of Satan at a 7-11: it’s producing time

[obsessionnostalgia]

Claire Novak fic recs: yeah, I was trying to reblog something every time I found a new one but its too disorganized so now it lives here. You have a Claire Novak rec? i want to read it.

Where the Heart Is by goldenraeofsun

Features a time-traveling Claire hanging out with Sam and Dean circa season 7. There's angst. There's Claire hooking up with a diner waitress. There's Claire having self-worth issues. There's Claire making fun of Dean to his face. All the good stuff.

Like a Duck, He Fits the Bill by golbygloom

Claire Novak and her budding attachment to the guy who isn't her dad but wears his face. The angst of having to get out of your own way to make connections with others.

Let Me Come Home by prosopopeya

Deancas-centric but Claire Novak is a POV character, struggling in foster care and the uncertainty of whether her uncle (Cas) will get his shit together in order to take her in. The Claire and Dean parallels are strong.

Rec from kerryweaverlesbian:

no such thing as a unique experience by @astralpenguin

A 15 year old Claire meets the (now older) little girl who was possessed by Lilith for a long time. Neither of them realise this element of connection for quite some time. Tons of empathy and understanding. These two feel so much like complex teenage girls, and also the dramatic irony is incredibly fun. One of the best fics I've read all year

Rec from carhengeapocalypse:

Another rhinestoneangels (@pinknatural ) fic fatherisms

Claire is a baby when Jimmy agreed to be Castiel's vessel and Dean steps in to help take care of her. The timeline jumps around and the story is told in snippets and it's very good

as if death itself was undone by microcomets

Claire confronts a human Castiel in a grocery store.

Claire heaves a deep, bone-weary sigh. “Here I am, consoling an ex-angel using my dead father as a meat-puppet on his self-esteem issues. I should write a book or something.”

everlasting by entropic_saudade

Claire wants to have a permanent mark of her and Kaia’s love. In order to do the stabbing safely, she helps Dean bring Cas back from the Empty so he can heal her.

gifts given & words unspoken by rhinestoneangels

Short: Dean and Claire make cookies after Castiel brings her back to the bunker, injured. Some implications at this point, Claire is more family to Dean than Mary. Set in season 12.

coming out by dicklessthewonderclown

Short, Dean POV conversation on a drive with Claire where she comes out as wanting to date Kaia and also admits (by accident) that Dean is a kind of sort of maybe father figure to her.

A Christmas Miracle (for someone else) by bitterred

Set post-canon, mirroring all the "Cas is dead and Dean is depressed" fics, Claire Novak finds a cat during the holiday season.

i'm sorry i'm the one you love (no one will ever love me like you again) by monsterfatigue

Kind of weird that Claire decided she was in love with Kaia even though they had barely known each other. After Kaia comes back from the Bad Place, nothing is simple. Claire isn't sure why she thought it would be.

This Is A Love That Lasts Forever by HeddersTheOwl

Another fic where Claire being friendly with the angel that wears her dad's face is complicated.

"You look too much like him. It's not fair. You're not him." 

meteor site (our hearts collision) by sobsicles

Claire has religious trauma laced with homophobia. Kaia doesn't want to be anyone's nightmare.

the way a dad should by fleeceframe

Dean and Claire are driving back to Jody's when Claire needs to stop because her period has started. (Side note: i was SURE that part of the reasoning for carrying tampons/pads in the impala was going to be partially related to the fact that they're sometimes good for wound care, in that the products are designed not to grow bacteria.)

i don’t know nothing (and that’s fine) by halfwheeze

Claire Novak meets Magda Peterson, the psychic girl from 12.4 American Nightmare, and likes her so much it makes Claire look stupid. Look at that, they have matching religious trauma: "When Castiel-" she pauses, remembering that his name isn't carved into the internal dialogue of every girl with religious trauma from here to Texas, "the Winchesters' angel, I don't know if he was with them when they got you- when he came to Earth, he needed a vessel. A human strong enough to hold an angel, with strong enough faith to allow them in and allow them to stay." That's what the Winchester Gospels said about them anyway. Castiel just said that they needed to believe. They were special. Believers. Bullshit. "When Castiel came to Earth, he took my father. And then, when my father told him he couldn't stay anymore, Castiel approached me. Being a vessel, it's passed down in the family line. The blood. The body. All they need is the body. And I was a kid. He might as well have been God. So I said yes. And my father took him back. If you think about it, it's my fault that my dad is dead."

Bartenders Love Me by clusterjam

Claire Novak doing her Dean-coded thing: hustling in a bar, flirting with the bartender, and oh yeah: angst about whether her dad would approve of her.

Subject: Dean Winchester Is Dead by angelszn

There aren't enough fics about Claire finding out Dean (or Cas) are dead. Dean Winchester is dead. Dean Winchester is dead, and Claire got the news in an email of all things. As if the gravity can be contained in the tiny black letters on the screen. It didn’t even seem possible. 

patricide of the lowest order by angelszn

This one's dark (Major Character Death tagged) -- Castiel killed Claire's father, after all, and what is Supernatural but a series of revenge plots?

two steps on the water by orpheuscas

Claire in the aftermath of being cured of werewolfism. Heavy dose of "Dean is basically Claire's dad now" included.

she'll say she got the map from me by 13zepptraxx

Hey you know that episode where Dean goes back in time and hangs out with his mom? He tells her, "No matter what you hear, or what you see. Promise me you won’t get out of bed." but then an angel wipes her memory? What if Claire went back in time after Dean died because she was sick with grief and basically did the same thing?

#claire novak #spn #fanfic #fic recs #claire novak fics #claireposting

[needle-noggins]

clearly i'm in an analysis mood so i'll share my thoughts on the GHG scene in Trimax Volume 2, mostly Legato, that crazy son of a bitch.

First, there's something to be said about his wild Iron Lung set up. On my first read I thought it was more of a punishment from Knives for threatening Vash, but I guess it's also because his body is physically broken? And/or a way to curb his power? Either way, Legato is the definition of "jokes on you, I'm into that shit" because he's so extremely broken (in every sense of the word). There's a definite link between Legato's trauma and the fucked up little guy he is now but I don't know shit about shit so would not consider myself qualified to discuss it further. Please read madnessmadness's trigun bdsm post as a supplemental.

ok, this next panel made me gasp. It's not a needle-noggins analysis without religious symbolism, so here you go!

Vash is literally hanging upside down, arms splayed out on an upside down cross, when Legato talks about him. Like, okay pontius pilate!! I think Vash is upside down for two reasons, the obvious being that the reader can tell that Legato is talking about killing Vash (cool abstract blood splatter too, which kinda messes with the cross form and makes it less obvious) (but i see you nightow, you can't escape my catholic eyes). The second, is, well, the way that Peter was crucified - not right-side-up like good ol' Jesus. The story goes that Peter requested to be crucified upside down because he didn't deserve to die the same way as Jesus. Trigun muddles so many biblical references all at once that a direct correlation can't be made at any given time, but I think we can interpret this here as Vash being unworthy/not the savior in Legato's mind (to him that's Knives, ofc).

An upside-down crucifix now is also a satanic symbol, just like. Inverting Christianity. Obvious "these are the bad guys". But I think that's a much more common symbol in western culture than to Japanese so I'm not gonna read into that too much.

nothing to add here other than Midvalley is lowkey fine (like if Wolfwood got his shit together) and here we can see the internal conflict of the GHG. Nobody's doin' it like Legato's doin' it, and I wish Midvalley pulled that trigger (it's not his place though, but damn it sure would save Vash a lot of trouble).

Bring back Knives' bodycon bdsm dress, Stampede!!!

"engrave the futility of his cause into his every bone" jfc, Knives. I've said it earlier but Knives's attempt to show Vash "the true nature of [humanity]" backfires so hard because instead he just shows Vash the nature of his own being, the terrifying weapon that he is (cough fifth moon). Vash doesn't blame people at all for how they see him, because baby boy has absolutely zero self-esteem and far too much compassion. Meanwhile, Knives is still a proud, burnt out gifted kid who is terrified at his heart and he's going to make it everyone else's problem. Knives understands his brother so little that he doesn't see that his plan is just going to make Vash fight him harder. Knives is too blinded by his fear and disdain for humanity to even consider it. Zero compassion. Fantastic way to highlight the overarching themes of the story. (/hand-wavy "you get it, right?" motion)

Someone please get Legato a napkin and explain to him that Knives is not God. Something something horrible deeds being done in the name of God's "will"; Trimax is both showing us space Jesus as our beloved self-sacrificing protagonist while also warning us against blind faith in a vengeful God, etc etc. It's my Trigun book club analysis and I get to choose the biblical symbolism to fit the way I hate modern Christianity!

#trimax spoilers #trigunbookclub #sorry for popping off with this one re: religion if you come for my throat about it i will simply laugh #bc my relationship with religion is complicated and i dont care if you think im bad at it #i didnt go to catholic school from K-8th to NOT overanalyze the biblical references in my favorite space western anime #dont be weird on this post ok? #but do be weird if we're going to talk more about Legato's kink shit #bc im very much uneducated on that topic in general lol

[kicktwine]

kip i gotta know how you feel about eraqus. idk why but i absolutely hate him. i despise this man. i want to maul him on site and i think he should lose custody of the wayfinders. get him away from them they deserve better. i am not including young eraqus in this i could him as a seperate character. old eraqus your days are numbered.

GREAT QUESTION I HAVE COMPLICATED FEELINGS ABOUT HIM. baby eraqus is a dork and a teenager and a stupid but very endearing young man trying his best and working with ideologies that don’t match up to his emotions old eraqus has had time to marinate in all of that and has NOT taken ADVANTAGE of it hardly at all. But he is still trying his best. But his best is harmful at the worst of times and often vaguely hypocritical. But he does love his kids. except for when he has other priorities. do you understand —

Eraqus. I feel. Is afraid. He has always been quick to abandon something difficult and something that’ll change his world for something safer. He’s afraid of Ventus. Not because he doesn’t think he can take the kid (obviously, he can hit the panic button any time he wants), but because Ventus represents danger, AND he cares too much about his old friend’s wishes and this sad kid that he has now to get rid of the danger right away, AND he’s too afraid to make a decision until he has to, AND he regrets it almost immediately. Eraqus wants the best for ventus and refuses to look the fact that it’s not possible under him in the eye. He’s afraid of Terra, for having a piece of the thing that ruined his life in him and he’s doubly afraid because Xehanort expressed his own fear out loud (that Terra may not be fit for mastery because of the darkness) and made that fear override the trust he tenuously had in his, like, literally adopted son. He trusts Xehanort because he believes he’s trying to do better, but he fears being wrong, he doesn’t want to be wrong. He can’t be wrong if he represents the Light. He’s on the side of light, so the things he does and decide on behalf of the light must be correct. Right? (He doesn’t have anyone left to consult with about this. No one is there to check him. He can’t ask) The only person he’s not actively worried about is Aqua, and even that’s kind of a lie bc he’s putting a lot of pressure on her because of it. Do you see. His actions don’t match his teachings. He cares too much, and it makes him make stupid decisions that weren’t meant to hurt the wayfinders, but were absolutely meant to harm, and he doesn’t see how those connect. It makes him! Rather frustrating lmao!!! It makes him harmful! He doesn’t get it!

So like. He’s a nice dad but not a very good parent . He, I think, really loves the wayfinders and had a horrible time showing it. I think they loved him back. They cared about him so much, he raised them, pretty much, he had a sense of humor, he let aqua make a million silly treats and wanted them all to succeed. He definitely hurt them. I don’t think Ventus is very comfortable grieving him and feels awful about it. I think Terra has weird feelings about him because he always wanted to impress him and it didn’t work when it mattered and then it worked, too late, once Eraqus was in charge again. I think Aqua can only start untangling what that relationship did to her as she starts being a master herself. You know? I can’t hate him. He tried so hard. But I can absolutely come after him with a mallet for being a colossal myopic absolutist idiot who embodies religious misinterpretation and generational trauma and also just puts his own personal trauma on his kids. Because he’s the last survivor of a dead society, SURE, but also because he’s stupid. Do you see

#Hey! You caught me at a talkative time #Kh #ask #anon #guh…. Eraqus. #he’s a very flawed man #but I can’t just throw the whole man away. I guess I don’t work like that #I’m glad he’s happy in gay keyblade heaven. Maybe they can work it out up there while their descendants work it out down here #I feel as if hed want them to but it’s; yknow. too late to undo any of that #and I think he’s not sorry for a lot of the things he should be sorry for!

[modern-inheritance]

Arya and Glenwing Scar Maps (Eldest)

(This post is somewhat WIP I lost my train of thought but will be back at it in the morning!) These are indeed what it says on the tin, and as we know, MIC!Arya is not the type to A. heal her scars and B. can't. really. heal them. I'm again working on some stuff to explain that but I keep hitting roadblocks and...yeah. Right, I meant to say that this has scars and whatnot, so trigger warning and I've put it under the cut.

I've done a ton of research into this stuff (read: reread the same stuff over and over and downloaded some papers but didn't read them yet) and think that if that was early enough intervention and continued management/PT then these two could probably live with the scars that I've laid out. But we will have to suspend disbelief and remember we're in a fantasy world.

On to our Trauma Twins/Trauma Babies and the scar map they have in their med files in Eldest!~

Glenwing

Glenwing isn't as (dare I say) religious about keeping his scars. He has kept his first bulletwound scar on his calf, a handful of cuts from battles where he just didn't feel the need or have the time/energy to put aside for himself afterwards to heal, or just liked the look of to be completely honest. The scars on his face are from a battle that involved not only highly trained soldiers that were the personal guard of a Forsworn, but the Forsworn themself. Due to his reliance on close quarters fighting, Glen got into the thick of it and ended up getting fairly soundly beaten while he provided a distraction for a counterattack. The scars wrapped around his legs from a rather unfortunate encounter with a barbed wire countermeasure during one of his and Arya's many covert sabotage runs are his personal reminder to remain vigilant.

Most of the burns Glenwing sustained while dragging himself and Fäolin's body through the charred area of Du Weldenvarden after the ambush were healed while he was unconscious. A few were left due to them being deemed non-critical, and with the secondary gunshot wound to his hip being muscle only, focus was primarily placed on his left arm. Some attempts were made to save the limb, but in the end it required amputation due to the already encroaching gangrene and irreparable damage to the elbow joint.

Nowadays you can see Glen out and about wearing his custom prosthetic, a magically enhanced metal limb he and Rhunön developed, fitted and created together. Combining Glen's bio and physiological knowhow with Rhunön's crafting skills, the end result was a near identical ruddy orange, grey and white left arm that fit to his residual limb and connected to his nerves for natural movement, speed and grace. He's still adapting to it, constantly working with Rhunön and later Arya to make tweaks and adjustments, along with the neverending maintenance and upkeep that comes with a mechanical limb, but Glen is always singing praises for Rhunön's craftsmanship and for giving him another shot at ending this damn war.

When he's at the flat in Ellesméra, taking a much deserved break without threat of attack, or simply hanging out with Arya, Eragon, Saphira and Brom, Glen doesn't mind taking his arm off. It's when he's among others that he feels somewhat self conscious, but he's never turned down questions about his injuries.

Arya

Arya's scars are...extensive. To say the least. A majority of them are from her time in Gil'ead, and a somewhat disturbing truth of it is that despite the mess her back was left in, it's not even a fraction of what was done. Most of the scars that are left are ones that had healed before her rescue, ones that were minor enough for Eragon, Saphira and Brom to pass over, ones that could only be healed up to the surface to save time/energy, or had to be healed over time. Most are ones that had already healed previously.

Both she and, eventually, Glenwing, have attempted to heal some of the more physically painful scars to decrease the smattering of movement restriction and nerve pain that the scar tissue causes, but, at least for the time during Eldest, are unable to do much more than PT and nonmagical healing methods. Eragon was not the sole recipient of a curse at Durza's hand, and for the time being it prevents the scars from being healed. Not that Arya minds all that much, but there are some that she'd prefer to have erased.

The lines up and down her arms are ones she'd be happy to do away with. She's not yet told anyone what their purpose was, waving it away as something that causes her no problem and thus something not to worry about. She does her best to ignore them and the memories around them, but sometimes, after days without sleep in misguided attempts at staving off night terrors and Recall, she can't keep those memories at bay.

Arya wears her scars as a badge of pride, though she's not entirely open about them with certain people. She's more comfortable openly displaying them among the Varden, where scars and other disfiguring marks are more commonplace due to magic being less of a factor in everyday life. It saves her from having to explain why she never healed them. The scars are also, in a strange, twisted way, a way to ground herself in the present. Durza resorted to twisting her reality at times, induced fevered states that he could use to influence her dreams and nightmares. And in each, he never thought to include the scars her imprisonment would have left. They are a reminder to Arya that she is not stuck in Gil'ead, not living her current life through the haze of a false memory placed there by some man shaped monster. She's out, she's free, and while the imprint of the shackles remain, they serve to remind her that she shattered them months ago.

#sorta a WIP post I'll add more tags once it's done #eragon #inheritance cycle #the cyclists #modern inheritance #ket's modern inheritance cycle #the inheritance cycle #arya drottingu #arya (inheritance) #Glenwing #glen #glenwing (inheritance) #trauma babies #trauma twins #ptsd #scars #scar map #there is a lot behind the scenes for many of these that just hasn't been written yet #there are hints everywhere but nothing concrete yet #'hot mess' 'wow thanks!' #torture #tw scars #look im sciencing for these okay im also trying to convince myself i didn't go too far #and also trying to hold back some of the lore because i have lots to write still #wow i need to reevaluate my brain again

[aquaburst3]

The Masquerade Event came and went on the ENG server. Just a couple weeks ago, I seen plenty of takes where OP rolls their eyes at people who say that Rollo is "problematic" thanks to who he's based on or him being "racist". (Which makes no sense, because fae aren't real.) Sorry, but I have to play devil's advocate. To be quite honest, I agree with some of the sentiment behind that, I just think some people aren't articulating their points well.

The issue some people have with Rollo isn't that he's based on a villain so therefore he's problematic and anyone who likes him must be sent to the Shadow Realm. All of them are. Hating Rollo based on that would be fucking stupid. The issue people have is how the game glorified Frollo by honouring the school after him and handled Rollo as a character, despite who he's based on.

For the former, again, yes, some of the Great Seven did some messed up shit in their movies. Hell, Jafar has that creepy Jabba the Hutt style captive princess scene with Jasmine, despite the fact that she was a minor. I'm a huge Jamil fan. What sets Frollo apart from them is that he's based strictly in reality. You will never meet a Hades, Ursula or Jafar in real life. They are fanatical villains with magical powers or objects. However, there are thousands of people like Frollo in real life, especially in the west. Plus, Frollo is on a whole other level compared to the Great Seven. All of the Great Seven have good traits, so you can see an argument for how they might be seen as heroes of their stories. Frollo has ZERO redeeming qualities. This is the same guy who killed a lady and wanted to drown a newborn baby for being disabled in the first scene he was in, lusted after an underaged girl and wanted to genocide all of the Romani in Paris! So there's no in universe explanation for how that would come to be.

Christianity is one of the most popular religions in the west, so everything tied to it cares much more weight here. A lot of people have religious trauma. There is a very real issue of residential schools, especially in the US and Canada, where indigenous/native american people were abused which were ALWAYS Christian. Basing the school on a fictional figure with that much real life baggage is in poor taste. While I know Christianity is a minor religion in Japan, hence why Christian elements are often added to Japanese media due to it being "exotic" to them much like how westerners view the Greek Pantheon, the game is being distributed internationally, so the developers should've considered these things and handled that topic much more respectfully and reconsidered some of their decisions.

One may argue that Gaston and Cruella are the same way, since they are realistic villains as well. But guess what? They don't have a dorm let alone a whole fucking school honoured after them!

Honestly, I think it would've been FAR better if the game made Rollo like the staff where he's based on Frollo, but honoured the school after Mother Gothel instead. Hell, you could've done a plot twist where all of the stuff in the town is based on Tangled, and then Rollo pulls the flower shit inspired by Hunchback of Notre Dame. That would've been so cool!

That leads to that second thing—how Rollo was handled. For one, he's a woobified version of Frollo. A woobie, for those of you who don't know, is an older fandom term used to describe bland pretty characters with a tragic backstory that the author expects you to feel sorry for them and get away with everything. Oh, boy. Does he fit that definition in spades. He's pretty bland. His only real standout personality traits are that he hates magic and the fae, prideful, traditional and possibly athletic. That's it. He has a sad backstory where his brother died in a fire after his magic got out of control. Fine, that's cliche, but it works. Hell, it's kinda clever in a sense where it's inspired by the Hunchback of Notre Dame off-broadway musical. Characters like Idia point out the hypocrisy in Rollo's ideology and that he is really doing this thanks to his own guilt for his brother's death, which is a good thing. The problem is, outside of him being boring as a character, that despite wanting to suck out all of the magic in the world, he got away with it scott free, and his only form of "punishment" was living with the guilt of knowing everyone thinking that he was some sort of hero...despite Malleus wanting revenge on him five minutes earlier. (I don't get it either.) I think a lot of this problem plays into a reoccurring one the game has a whole—the character stagnation and Yana's utter unwillingness to let them face any consequences for their actions.

It's not even with the one shot villains. You see this play out all the time with the main cast. All of the OB gang get a slap on the wrist for their actions. Everyone instantly forgives them, including people like Kalim and Ruggie who were almost MURDERED. (Kalim I kinda get, because he's a ball of sunshine and is deep in denial about a lot of things. But Ruggie? You think he would be at least upset at Leona for almost Thanos Snapping his ass.) It's not even just for OBs either. Malleus faced zero consequences or is even properly called out for his actions during the second Halloween event or deciding to tag along, despite damn well knowing it would make Jamil's life harder and that he couldn't refuse him.

So in that sense, the way that Rollo got away scott free is super annoying, but not surprising. It happens all the time with the main boys, so why not him? Hell, the same thing happens with with Honest Fellow.

However, this problem hampers the writing on all fronts. Unless you are writing a flat arc, characters need to change and grow, especially in a coming of age story like TWST should be. So instead of learning and growing like real people, every single character in the TWST cast always remain the same and never face any repercussions for their actions. It's asinine, since they realistically would, even if they are based on villains. Hell, you think it would make it even more so, since they are based on villains and would be more revengeful and not merciful.

The game should've punished Rollo for his actions. I don't think he needs to fall to his death into a lake of fire like his original counterpart, but him being expelled or everyone at his school hating him after learning the truth and him being stripped off all of his titles would've been nice!

Don't get me wrong. Rollo isn't bad as a concept. Hell, I'm even adding a version of him to my own fic, so saying that you can never add a character like that to a story would be super hypocritical of me. It's certainly cool if you enjoy him as a character, even if I don't jell with him personally. Just that the way that Yana could've handled Rollo and the other Hunchback of Notre Dame elements in a much more respectful manner and nixed basing the school on Frollo himself.

#aqua rambles #twst critical #twst negative #twisted wonderland