Tumgik
#this is NOT about any of my mutuals. so dont take it personally
cquackity · 10 months
Text
it annoys me so much when c!karlnapity people make c!tntduo platonic just so they don't have to really write a poly man. as in sure c!quackity is poly but only for c!karl and c!sapnap and nobody else. which okay those sorts of relationships exist but like. why do some people write c!karlnapity like a monogamous ship lol. does this make any sense. i don't even dislike platonic c!tntduo i think it can be really well done (one of my faves is milfverse tntduo. Great stuff) but i can always tell when it's done out of built up spite and dislike for c!wilbur and c!tntduo's general dynamic. Anyways c!karlnapitybur sweep
27 notes · View notes
blueskittlesart · 8 days
Note
deeply refreshing to see someone critical of Swift who also like, genuinely likes her. Like i'm neutral to positive on her, but the online discourse has been absolutely rancid. flipping between "Taylor Swift has never done anything wrong ever and she's a fucking genius" and "Taylor Swift is the worst lyricist of all time and also a bad person" is exhausting, so thank you for like. nuance or something lmao
not to make it serious for a sec but i genuinely think that being able to like things that are bad is really important. like I think that it's an important skill to be able to look at something and see what you personally enjoy about it and then take a step back and acknowledge that objectively it's flawed. and to also be able to acknowledge that liking something isn't necessarily an identity or a moral stance. and i think that fandom space in general could really benefit from more people taking the time to learn how to do that. it's okay to like things that are bad
#people ask me sometimes why ill occasionally talk about something i like and then go 'but it's bad' and the answer is usually because it is#i love teen wolf. i love genshin impact. i love detective conan. and i fucking LOVE taylor swift. that doesnt mean theyre good#it just means i like them. and recognizing their flaws actually helps me better identify what i like about them!#it's like. in my mind bad > good is the x axis and i like it > i dont like it is the y axis yk. they're not mutually exclusive#tldr it's not that serious. we can all relax a little#irt taylor swift i do also think she has done some real harm to her fans in enabling them to deflect all criticism of her as misogyny#and i don't think it's fully the fault of these people who are parroting that response bc so much of her marketing has deliberately#reinforced this idea that to be a swiftie is to be a part of a sisterhood and that any attack on taylor is an attack on all of those women#who are in that in-group. when that's obviously not the case. but she's marketed herself as. for lack of a better term. 'girl music'#to the point where it makes her fans feel as though any criticism of the music or the woman responsible for it is an attack on their#personal experience of womanhood/girlhood/sisterhood/etc. and that's how you get all of thess bad-faith accusations of misogyny#i don't necessarily think this was her deliberate goal with her marketing tho because like. on first glance such a strong sense of communit#among fans sounds like a great thing. the friendship bracelets i got at the eras tour movie are really genuinely special to me.#but it does present a problem when your fans are unable to separate how they feel about the community and experience your music has fostere#from how they feel about you as a person. especially when you are a billionaire who absolutely CANNOT be above criticism in this economy#anyway. tldr i love taylor's music and i don't think swiftie hivemind is as deliberately malicious as it may seem#but it's obviously necessary to be able to take a step back and look objectively at what you're participating in.#anyway stream ttpd or don't idc <3#taylor swift
165 notes · View notes
bigothteddies · 2 months
Note
referring to ur partner as a moot is so funnynsbsbxncn u guys need like moot friendship bracelets to solidify ur friendship<3 pals being pals !!
once a mutual always a mutual 🫶🏻💖✨
but seriously calling them a mutual sometimes carries the gravity and emotions of some things more than just referring to them as my partner. like if I say my partner it’s just kind of a “oh they miss their boyfriend” kinda deal but when it’s a mutual it carries that weight of a long distance online friendship-turned-more, that history of long-time admiration and obsession, the gravity of what it means for you to finally meet up and be able to exist near each other, even if only for a few days.
4 notes · View notes
pepprs · 1 year
Text
i will shut up abt this i promise but like. the concept of being in a stable safe mutually loving whatever relationship is INSANE . like how can you ever feel bad about yourself or wounded or whatever again. it’s like a superpower or somethi ng. <- doesn’t know what she’s taking abt bc she’s never experienced it or the absence of it after having it merely the negative space of it and is filling in the gaps w logic or something. but it’s INSANE to me. like of course i feel like shit about myself i am catcrumb unloved.jpg!
#purrs#imbeing insane about it i know it’s not that simple / reductive and i will still feel like shit abt myself once im in a relationshp (if i#get to be ♥️) and there are lots of other legitimate reasons to feel shit agtbyiurself. but it’s like no ficking wonder i feel inadequate i#am a 24 year old who lives at home and has never held a hand or whatever next to two 50sometjinf year old married men with pets and phds. of#course i am going to feel inadequate and stupid and lonely. like i canttttt 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 and th w worst part is you can’t just go out into#the world saying that and looking for that it has to find you so i will not join any dating apps or whatever but i don’t fucking go anywhere#so im not going to meet anyone and i knowi am so young and stupid and just having a horrible day that is reminding me of horrors. but the#way i am mentally shoving my whole fist in my mouth. OF COURSE I FEEL LIKE SHIT I DONT HAVE A LIFE PARTNER!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE THAT#SAFETY AND STABILITY AND TRUST AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!!!! AND I NEVER HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#delete later#like this is what makes me crazy abt parents and kids too and whyi don’t think ihave kids. bc i think (and i know this is wrong / unhealthy)#it is a primal human need to be mutually someone else’s number 1 person and when you have kids it’s like you’re gonna love your partner more#than the kids and then the kids (read: me) watch that and get fucked up over it. but also that could just be me reacting to the UNSPEAKABLE#psychological damage of being a twin. which again is ridiculous bc it’s n out like abuse i just had to share something with someone else si#since before i was born and ofc there was more like actually kind of abusive stuff on top of it LOL but that aside. idk what im saying i#just feel so crazy. the amount of composure it takes me every day to not start SCREAMING with frustration and envy when i see ppl being#RIGHTFULLY DESERVEDLY visibly confident and loved. like ok valentines grinch go sit in the drainage pond forever please. but it’s so crazy#like how are you supposed to go through the world unaware of how much love you’re missing out on because you’re young and then you realize I#it and then somehow you miss the train and you are scared you are going to d*e alone ♥️ im normal
26 notes · View notes
Uni lecture is making me think about my future for a minute and auuuggghhhh the agonies
#personal#taking a brief break from it bc the feeling hasnt quite overwhelmed me yet but i dont think I'm going to be okay by the end of it!#its asking me to consider what my strengths are. what kind of role I'd like to have in the industry when i graduate#these are questions that i SHOULD certainly have answers to but they kind of just make me not wanna be alive yk? bc i have no answers#I'm not really good at much. like the things I'm best at I'm still completely unexceptional#what are my strengths? don't have any. next question#what job do i want to have in the industry? well that requires an answer to the first question doesn't it#not to mention it requires me to think about graduating and having a job and I've simply never imagined myself getting that far#and i can only give this so much of my attention span bc I'm also thinking about how hard i failed my modules from last semester#my best grade this year has been a c#one of them is a marginal fail meaning i do the reassessment this year (i think)#the other is a hard f. what does that mean? do i resit the entire course next year? maybe#and i can't look it up just yet bc i need to make it through the lecture bc I'm really far behind this other module already#and it's only week 3 and i have a presentation tomorrow#and if i stop watching it im not convinced I'll bring myself to start watching again!#so instead i was just sitting here trying not to get overwhelmed by all of the things i should be thinking about!!!#that's why I'm making the post tbh. just to organise my thoughts and get it out of my system and give myself time to breathe#and my phone keeps buzzing while i type and if it does that one more time i will launch us both out of the window I'm so fucking done#semester has barely begun and im so fucking overwhelmed already#I've joked about being the token nt mutual before but honestly the past few years I've just been getting gradually more convinced I'm not#this can't be how everyone else is experiencing life. surely#like dude I'm so out of fucking touch w the concept of being a human#so in summary: augh the agonies
12 notes · View notes
marklikely · 2 years
Text
living in constant fear of even looking at the semiannual drama on That Website because people get so fucking up in arms about it
10 notes · View notes
betawooper · 1 year
Text
im typically indifferent when someone interacts with my posts here or on my art ones in my sideblog, but when it comes to literally anything transfem yoo joo-related and someone likes the post or leaves nice tags, i lose my mind for a while /positive
5 notes · View notes
floorpancakes · 9 months
Text
i wish i was a cat so my flaws were still cute and adorable and i was worthy of recieving love attention and raising back to health and my brain was small enough that the discomfort and fear would give way to simple things like enjoying a little treat and looking good for photos and being loved and held and stuff
#i forgot what feeling 'normal' without pain felt like so long ago its hard to remember remembering#i guess i enjoy a little treat but i cant think of a time in almost five years ive ever felt free#i wish i could be loved in a mutually beneficial way that didnt hurt#i would make a really good cat i swear#i dont know#if i was a cat that was loved and gently healed back to health and treasured and only had to worry about churu id be ok#it sounds so cheesy wanting to be treasured cause i just dont associate that with me#even with my family my closest friends ill never be anyones special person#i shouldnt have thought about this on tumblr cause everyones just gonna immediately think about watanuki arent they#i would write a mean vent fic or two if i could being myself to be focused enough to write it#its difficult these days#dont reblog please not trying to be the fun police im just going through some really bad stuff right now#ill delete later#i need rest but it isnt coming to me and it wont really do me much good#when cats get sick and fat and their teeth mess up and their skin goes all sore and they lose their hair and they get wrinkly and in pain#everyone still finds them just like any other cat#all cats are beautiful and perfect#standards for humans are different and so is living in your own skin when it is hostile and unfamiliar and it hurts and warps your mind#its a cruel and unusual punishment and a cat would just walk it off#cats are worthy of love and i am neither worthy nor able to take it
0 notes
dumbkiwi · 1 year
Text
rotating them once again but this time, it is calico jack
1 note · View note
caruliaa · 2 years
Text
hmm girlies we may have acted a bit irrationally earlier this week. lol
#likee. she wasnt even making fun of it that much it was j one post critiquing her song writing like. idk#well. i cant take it back now lol so#idk it just kinda sucks bc like. it feel like so much that everyone around me is just making fun of this interest i have#to the point were i feel weary even about people id otherwise consider friends (although not close ones) mocking my interest and its fans#(and by extension me because i am a fan and its something im passionate about) openly without like. caring about#how feeling mocked by my peers would affect me#becuase it fucking sucks !! it really does its an awful feeling having something you love be treated as embarrassing to enojy#and i have experienced that feeling before including by ppl close to me and i think that still affects me a lot subconsciously#even if theyve since apologized and i dont hold it against them i still feel mentally impacted esp w past expeince of my interests being#mocked. i just like. its really realy easy for me to be on the offense and like. i have been trying to combat those feeling and not get#upset over minor things but idk sometimes its really hard and its easy sometimes to get overly worked up over small things that really#arent me and my interest actually jsut being made fun of but a differnece opinion on them which is fine for someone to have#but idk its jsut easy to feel made fun of when you are constantly surronded by ppl even via just following and shit who ARE#making fun of you idk. ik im not acting rationally but u guys wldnt if u had an interest that it feels like every one around u thinks is#'cringe' and uve seen ppl be told to kill themselves over having. an idk its jsut rly confliciting and im trying to not be irrational but#i feel like im being pushed into being the kind of intense fan who cant handle any critique of smth even when i dont want to be#bc it feels like the other option is to constantly have that interest mocked cosntalty and j put up with it which wears you down sm#and im trying to find a third option but it doesnt feel like thats just up to me like ofc theres some effort i need to and trying to put in#but its also up to the people around me and bc theres no foolproof 'will this person mack my interest' test i can do on everyone i become#mutuals w its kinda like. idk ig if your a mutual and ur reading this pls do be like. idk mindful of the fact that im a part of this online#community that youre in and if mocking smth i enjoy (im. talking abt tswift here if it isnt obvious) is smth you really cant go w out#then genuinly fair enough but please make dont continue to have me as a peer and if you do want to keep me as a part of your online#community jsut be like. mindful w me and everyone if youre mocking smth someone you wnat to have in your community cares abt#esp if its already widely mocked on here yk. idk just try to be kind and considerate of the ppl around u and like. ofc u cant keep track of#everyone ur gonna mess up and thats understandable but like. idk i dont wanna seem to self centered staying this but i remember#a while ago i made a post like pointing out a ship as an example of ships that were really popular despite there not being anything to them#(imo) but i still didnt mock the ship at all and b considerate of ppl that ship it bc ik i have mutuals who rly love tht ship and i didnt#want to make them feel bad bc theyre ppl i care abt even if we arent close and i. kinda wish i cld b offered the same grace idk#idk. also its 5am im going to go to sleep now. gn luce if ur reading this ilu<3#flappy rambles
1 note · View note
weebsinstash · 4 months
Text
I'm on my betrayal loving bullshit again thinking of some shit like, the typical hero plot where one lies to an ally to intentionally mislead them and keep them away from danger, but it's hidden under the guise of, something that can be REALLY shitty on the surface, and I'm thinking about a yandere coming to "collect" you after revealing the truth and you're all "oh, ok, I understand! I'm still staying here and not coming back with you though :)"
Batman showing up at your apartment, "listen I know I started voicing complaints and even initiated the vote to kick you from the Justice League BUT it was all part of my contingency plan, there was a mole in the League connected to Darkseid and--" and you just hit him with "ok great thats awesome good for you um, I destroyed my costume and threw it in the garbage and I'm an alcoholic now and also thanks for making me realize how much I hate myself and how I never belonged anywhere, you can go now ok thanks byeeee :')" and here therein commences the mass surveillance on your phone/house/walking routes/internet use/the inside of your bedroom--
Same idea twice really but, Miguel coming back from those one ideas I had, "hey, I'm sorry I kicked you out of the Spider Society because you weren't trying to date anyone in your universe, also maybe we fooled around a little and had mutual feelings and I broke your heart by kicking you out and trying to get you to date in your own universe, but it turns out canon isn't real, so, 👉👈🥺❤️?" and here you are, "oh cool, I wish you happiness with whomever you choose :) I'm glad I'm 'allowed' to be single since, you know, you proved to me i dont belong anywhere :)"
Gojo "I'm sorry I bullied you and called you weak when you wanted to go up against this one curse but it was actually way stronger than you and you would have died if I hadn't talked you out of it" Satoru standing there with disbelief as he sees you've gotten rid of anything to do with Jujutsu Tech (uniform, equipment, or otherwise), "being a sorceror is stupid. You were right, I'm NOT cut out for it. I think I want to settle down. I'm gonna give Nanami a call"
You gotta take the character that's totally down bad for you and have them absolutely break your heart and then when they come back for you and reveal, actually, they may have had an extremely good reason for doing so and never wanted to anyways, you're just like "actually you know what? You opened up deeper psychological wounds inside of me and fundamentally damaged me and I don't think I can be the same person you remember me as anymore" and leaving them DESPERATE to keep you, any version of you, in their lives at all costs
522 notes · View notes
koolades-world · 2 months
Note
Hellooo I like your stuff! :)
Can I pls request something where MC takes Mammon’s early game tsundere shit too seriously? Like, they always take things literally so when he says he doesn’t like or care about them, he’s annoyed to have to babysit them, he doesn’t want this stupid human, etc etc, they believe him?
But they thought he was warming up to them, they thought they were friends (and they’d started to really love their first friend!), so they get really sad about it. He’s like “I DONT care about the human!” And MC’s like, “oh… :’( okay….” and like, either Mammon has to fix it, or Beel and/or Levi (or any of the others! All of the others? Whatever you like) (after making their pacts) have to step in and help. Comfort the human and guilt Mam into communicating however they’d go about that.
Sorry if this is too specific! No pressure of course, do whatever you want with this, have fun :)
Thank you :))
🫐
hi! yes of course :)
today I actually based my outfit around his casual outfit since I have a jacket kinda like his. got so many compliments <3 wore knee high brown boots, a jean mini skirt, a cropped black cami, my mammon jacket, and my diamond studs. wanted to wear some gold hoops but my ears were not having it. dressing up and outfit planning are some of my favorite things to do
if you see that i wrote in second person instead of third in a few spots, please ignore that! i kept catching myself swapping tenses and I tried to find all of them but if i missed them i'm sorry haha
please enjoy, blueberry anon!!
Heart to Heart
Life in the Devildom wasn't easy, but Mc was slowly getting used to it. Sure, it would never be not chaotic to walk around and classes in a school full of demons, but maybe one day, they might be able to consider it normal.
They had begun to make friends with the other demons in their class, gotten involved with a few clubs that they really enjoyed, and even finally started to grasp the concept of the subjects they were attending class for. But, there was one thing they just couldn't even see themselves growing used to.
The first demon they had really thought they'd started to get to know really seemed to dislike being around them. No matter what they did, Mammon always seemed annoyed with them, no matter how sweet they tried to be. They felt most comfortable turning to him since they'd never seen him angry, and seemed the least violent out of their new housemates, especially with Devildom things they just didn't understand. He was by far the most approachable.
They could never understand his seeming hostility despite the fact that they hadn't done anything to him. His almost condescending nature bugged them a little. They didn't take it personally at first, since he was just supposed to be his tour guide and someone to go to if they needed it. He wasn't obligated to them in any way.
But they couldn't help but notice how mutually, they had wormed their way into each others hearts. At some point, it had become routine for him to invite himself into their room after he had finished getting ready for the night to watch something on TV while they attempted to do homework. Every time, they would eventually give up in favor of watching with him since he always had something funny to add. At lunch, despite having his own friends, he would plop down beside them with a snack for you, with some excuse about needing the human to stay healthy. Even if they were talking with one of their friends, he would wiggle between the two of them and stay there, to the point where their friends knew to leave him a spot since he was always fashionably late. At dinner, he always insisted they sit next to him, where'd he'd always whisper to them about his brothers and always inevitable get caught by the one he was talking about. It never failed to make them giggle, and also almost get in trouble.
Every time they had a moment like one of these, he would pretend like it hadn't even happened. It was like nothing between the two of them mattered to him. His comments always read like he was almost annoyed to have to be around them, and that he disliked it. It hurt, but they couldn't say they weren't used to it. After all, they would be gone after a year, so it wouldn't matter anyways, right?
One day in particular, nothing had gone correctly. Mammon had been out the previous night and let Mc know very last minute, despite it being a school night. Their room had felt empty. In hopes he would be back soon, they left his spot open, but he never showed up. They had known that, but it still felt strange. They had been able to get so much work done, but they went to bed feeling something they didn't quite understand.
The next morning, it had felt like he was going out of his way to avoid them. They had seen him once, and perhaps he hadn't seen them, but they didn't even get so much as a smile. He was absent at breakfast, like usual. It also wasn't his turn to walk them to school, so they didn't get to talk to him then either. Later that day, during lunch, he also never showed up. It was odd, but the two of them had never made the promise to meet, so it wasn't like he had some obligation. Their friends gave them a knowing look, one filled with concern, but they told them nothing was wrong. Or so they hoped.
They finally saw him that evening at dinner, but he just wasn't himself. He made no effort to speak to them. When they did try, he was harsher than usual, and kept making comments about them being a stupid human who didn't know any better. It was all in character for him, but with the treatment they had received that day, it hit closer to home than they thought it would. Once the meal was mostly over, and a few of his brothers had filed out of the room, Mc leant over to him to quietly ask if something was wrong. The response they got was much more explosive than they thought they would receive.
"Mammon, how have you been today? I haven't seen you much, and wondered if something was wrong." They stood next to Mammon, collecting all the spare dishes to be washed.
"That's none of yer business, human." He spat out his words like venom at them. His expression after the fact seemed like he'd almost regretted what he'd said, but made no move to take it back.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I just thought... Forget I asked." They took a step back, not expecting his words to hit them like that. They decided to take the dishes they were holding to the kitchen. Maybe he would be gone when they returned for more.
"Mammon, that was very rude." Lucifer, who was doing the same as Mc since they had dish duty together that night, gave Mammon a death glare. "Apologize this instant." When Mammon looked away, Lucifer continued. "Well?" Lucifer searched Mammon's face.
"What's your problem?" Asmo spoke up, looking perturbed by the way he had treated yet another one of his claims to fame. Mc did so well on Devilgram, so the two of them had gotten somewhat close, but not as close as they had with Mammon.
"I don't care about that damn human. When did I say that I did? They're just another responsibility." Mammon spoke as confidently as he usually did, but the look on his face gave it all away.
Mc, who had been hanging in the hall just outside the dining room door since they'd dropped a fork, heard his words. It stung them. They'd heard him say that before, but this time it felt as if he meant it if he hadn't before. With a sigh, they hurried off to the kitchen, closing the door behind them. The three brothers left in the room turned at the sudden noise.
Mammon realized what he'd done, and stood there, stewing in the consequences of his actions. Lucifer and Asmo said something to him before leaving, but he didn't really hear it. He wished he could take it all back, and to tell Mc he didn't mean it. But, he wasn't sure how, or if their relationship was even salvageable.
Mc was in the kitchen, scrubbing a plate when they heard Lucifer enter. They could tell it was him thanks to the sound of his shoes on the tile. They scooted over to make room for him at the sink. "I'm sorry about Mammon." Lucifer broke the silence.
"It's fine. He's right. I am just another task for him to juggle." They didn't look up from the running water.
"I assigned him to look after you. If anything, I can care for you." He placed the dishes in the sink.
"But, he's right, is he not? I'm just a human. I've got no clue what I'm doing here so someone has to look after me. I'm not in this family, so it's not like taking care of me was something he signed up for." They moved clean dishes out of the sink and onto the drying rack. Lucifer remained silent for a moment.
"It's an honor having you here, I hope you realize. This is a momentous occasion. Diavolo entrusted us with the duty of caring for one of the only two human exchange students, in a program that's unique." It seemed like Lucifer was struggling to find the right words to say. This was the nicest they had even seen him be.
"I appreciate it. Thank you. But, what am I to do? A human trapped in a place where humans aren't meant to go. I can't help but feel like a task to be completed." Mc paused. "I'm sorry. That was probably too much." They went silent again.
"You can go up to bed early if you wish. I'll finish these." Lucifer finally said. Without making eye contact, they got down off the stool they had been standing on to reach the top of the drying rack, and left with a small thank you. Mammon wandered in moments after they left, finally seeming to have collected himself.
"Mammon. I hope you're proud of yourself. After that spectacle, I might just have to make Beel their new guardian." Mammon froze at Lucifer's words.
"No! Ya don't gotta do that." He couldn't bring himself to continue himself.
"Really? Because with the way you treated Mc, I would not blame them if they never wanted to speak to you again." Lucifer turned around to look Mammon right in the eyes. He knew that look well. He was disappointed with him.
"I'll just go apologize. No biggie, right?" He tried to act as if nothing was wrong despite the turmoil he'd just caused.
"I have no words." Lucifer turned back to the dishes, ignoring Mammon's attempts to speak to him anymore. Mammon was left with his thoughts again, and all the regret he had. He wasn't sure how to go about with telling them he didn't mean what he'd said, and that was just because he really liked them. After some pondering, he realized nobody but himself was going to fill this hole he'd created, and that it was his job to do it if he wanted to repair their relationship.
Mc had been in their room, reading through some notes from earlier that day, when their door slammed open. Only one demon entered like that. "Mammon." They nodded without looking up.
"Mc. I- Do ya have a moment?" They looked up to meet his gaze. All the animosity had faded and was replaced with a warmness they'd never seen before.
"Yes." They set their pen down, and waited for him to speak.
"I'm sorry about what I said. I'm sorry fer ignorin' ya today. I'm sorry fer treatin' ya like garbage. You don't deserve that." Tears began to well up in his eyes, but he continued. "I have trouble tellin' ya this, but I think yer really great. If yer willin' to talk to me again, I promise I won't do all that anymore." The tears began to slip down his cheeks.
"Oh, Mammon, please don't cry." Mc got up to hug him and close the door behind him. He tightly gripped them back, as if they might leave him. Once he'd calmed down a little, Mc spoke again.
"I won't lie, what you said did hurt, but thank you for saying you're sorry. I really love spending time with you. You make me feel welcome here. I don't fully understand you, but I hope that you'll help me understand you." Mc patted Mammon's back.
"Can I stay over in yer room tonight? Let me start there and make it up to ya fer yesterday. Let's watch yer favorite human movie." His eyes are still red, but the smile is back on his face. It really suited him.
"Yes, of course." That night, the both of them fell asleep in Mc's bed together, but not before Mammon thought how lucky he was to have them, despite himself.
238 notes · View notes
bbyquokka · 11 months
Text
oh god
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
pairing: kim seungmin x gender-neutral reader
genre: fluff (if you squint a lil), smut – MDNI
synopsis: you're seungmin's first
warnings: smut, established relationship, virgin seungmin, oral (m rec), protected sex, pet names, some nipple play
words: 2.8k ~ (2,899)
♡ m.list — ♡ you can also read it on my ao3
Tumblr media
dont repost. dont translate. minors, ageless & default blogs; dni! feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!
he wants to wait, wait for the right person and for when the time is right. everyone around him, his friends, mutuals, acquaintances, everyone he knew was out doing it and to him, he didn't see the point.
the point being, why give away something that's precious to a complete stranger. someone you don't plan on having a future with. nowadays, sex is seen as a competition instead of something that's valuable. 
men cheer on their mates when they learn each others body counts, calling their dicks big and praising them whilst comparing and contrasting their past sexual partners, telling each other every explicate detail down to the T.
seungmin just isnt like that. the amount of times he has heard about another woman's breasts and nipples is beyond him. it puts him off sex even more.
he didn't really care about sex because he has seen and heard about it so many times that's he's become desensitized to it, but he is human after all. he has needs and sometimes, a lonely night with nothing but lube, his hand and a cheesy over the top porn video isn't cutting it for him any more.
then you came along. he didn't think it was possible to get an erection just from looking at someone but as soon as he saw your beauty, his cock twitched in an instant. 
it started of slow. seungmin wanted and needed that emotional connection with you first before going any further with you. you spoke on the regular, facetime, text messages, sending each other silly memes and videos, the usual's one would say.
it wasn't until seungmin caught himself blushing and giggling at a simple text of “hi! i miss you, min! hope you're ok. 🥺🖤” did he realise that maybe, he liked you a lot more than he thought.
his heart thumped against his chest every time you touched him or looked at him. your beautiful smile and sweet voice causing his mind to go all mushy. if that wasn't enough of a sigh that he was falling for you, he would go home and masturbate for hours on end with you on the mind, your voice ringing in his ears, your face popping up in his mind. body doing all sorts of positions and poses–its almost like you're there.
he'd curse himself for being a virgin. he wanted a bit more experience in that department. scared that you would judge him for being inexperienced, he kept it a secret even after you both got together. 
it didn't take long for you to notice that seungmin was hiding something from you. every time you tried to initiate something in the bedroom, he would make up an excuse, brush you off with a lie so you confronted him about it.
filled with so much guilt for making you doubt and question yourself as well as the relationship, did he blurt out:
“i'm a virgin!”
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
“yn” seungmin stutters as you kiss his neck. “w-wait.”  you pull away from him, eyebrows furrowed together. 
“everything ok, minnie?” seungmin's chest rising up and down at an uneven pace. his penis already hard just from a few neck kisses and making out with one another. he's sensitive to everything. his skin burning from the areas you have kisses and sucked. every time you drag your fingertips down his skin, it leaves behind a trail of fire.
“y-yeah. it's just, i'm just–” seungmin stutters, cheeks as red as a rose. you smile warmly at him, cupping and stroking his cheeks gently.
“hey, are you nervous?” your voice is sweet and soft. seungmin swallows thickly, nodding slowly. he's so sick with nerves, his body shaking due to the scary amount of pleasure and emotions he is feeling.
you notice his shaky hands as he reaches up to place his hand on top of yours. you remove your hand, holding it instead and stroking the back with the pad of your thumb.
“it's ok to be nervous, minnie.”
“is it though?”
“absolutely! it's new and scary. you're most likely feeling very overwhelmed with pleasure, nerves and anxiety but we take it slow, m'kay? we go at your pace.”
“does it not bother you? that i'm inexperienced.” he mumbles. you let out a soft chuckle, kissing his cheek gently.
“no, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. something like this is precious, it's precious to you so i respect that.”
“but what if i do something you don't like or–or i say something or–” he rambles. you lean in and peck his lips gently to calm him down of his nervous ramblings.
“we communicate. we're a unit, you and i. communication is the most important thing in a relationship, regardless of what type it is.  if i do something to you or say something that makes you think, oh. i don't like this, it feels weird, then tell me.”
“but what if i hurt your feelings..” his voice is nothing but a whisper as he bites his bottom lip.
“my darling. you could never hurt my feelings. i won't know unless you tell me. i'd be more upset not knowing i was doing something to you that you disliked than you being straight and honest with me.”
“ok..” seungmin chews his lips nervously, his hands still trembling against your skin. 
“hey.” you softly say, leaning in so your lips brush against his softly. he whimpers, closing his eyes slowly. “you'll be ok, i promise you.”
you kiss him softly being slow at first. you allow seungmin to slowly melt into the kiss, his lips moulding with yours and finding that perfect tempo. wanting to take the initiative and feeling a little more confident, he gently bites your bottom lip as a silent request for permission to open; to which you oblige.
parting your lips slowly, seungmin slowly slides his tongue past your lips. he whimpers a little at the feel of your tongues meeting in the middle, colliding and tangling together. saliva and breathy pants mix together. 
with shaky hands, seungmin cautiously touches your exposed chest. he gingerly plays with your nipples, flicking and tugging on them gently before rolling them between his fingers. you let out a soft groan, pleasure tingling down to your fingertips and toes.
“fuck baby. keep doing that.” you whisper.
“you like that?”
“yes. it feels good.” you groan as you slide your hand down seungmin's exposed chest and torso to cup his erection through the material of his black boxer shorts. he involuntarily bucks his hips in your hand which causes him to flush pink.
you kiss his cheek, trailing your lips along his jawline to his ear. you lick and suck on his lobe as you palm his erection, rubbing and squeezing his length.
seungmin lets out shaky breathes, his body trembling as pleasure courses through his veins. he feels so good, he's on the verge of tears and all you're doing is palming him. he has yet to feel you. with every minute that passes by, his brain slowly turns to mush. sweat accumulates on his forehead and chest, his toes curling as his hands are now stationary against your chest.
“can i give you oral?” you ask, biting your lip gently. seungmin swallows, the question ringing in his ears and making him feel dizzy.
oh fuck. oh no. god oh god! can you? the person he loves, adores and cherishes the most. the person whom he finds so unbelievably attractive, give him oral?! 
he mind and body screaming at him. he wants to yell “fuck yeah!” at you but instead, he whimpers and gives a small and shy nod. 
you beam at him as you shuffle between his parted legs. he holds his breath as he watches you, watches his many fantasies and dreams come true right before his very eyes.
grabbing the waist band of his boxers shorts, you slowly pull them down his legs and discard them on the floor by the bed. a sudden wave of embarrassment and shyness washes over seungmin, shackling him to the mattress. 
he instinctively covers his private area with his hands, his cheeks and tips of his ears red. you place your hands on top of his gently, removing them slowly as you make eye contact with seungmin. nothing but fear clouds over his pupils as he chews his bottom lip raw. 
“hey, it's ok darling. it's just me.” your voice is so soft, so soothing to him that all the fear and nervousness washes away in an instant. he lets you remove his hands, showing you all he has to offer.
“that's my boy.” you coo as you kiss his hands. he lets them flop to the side as your eyes flicker down to his penis. 
what he lacks in girth, he makes up for in size. his tip red, veins protruding along the sides and traveling to his tip. pre-cum beading and coating his skin making it glisten in the dim light with the occasionally twitch. you also notice how neatly trimmed his pubic area is.
“you have such a pretty cock, min.” you coo, watching seungmin stutter and become flustered. he never thought of his cock (or any cock for that matter) being pretty, he just thought of it as average. but hearing those words come from your mouth makes him so dizzy with lust and heat.
your hand wraps around his base. seungmin watches you with beady eyes, his chest heaving up and down in time with his laboured breaths. he bundles up the sheets in the palm of his hands as he watches you slowly stroke him.
it's slow and languid, something that normally wouldn't get seungmin off. however, it's you. it's your hand around his cock. it's your face that's so dangerously close to it. he makes a mental note of how small you look around him, his brain malfunctioning and failing to do the basic human things.
“fuck..” he mumbles as you slowly pick up the speed. you rotate your wrists at the tip, using your thumb to slowly rub it and smear the pre-cum. seungmin clenches his jaw, his body tingling and vibrating from excitement and pleasure. 
and then it happens. your lips wrapping around his tip. the warmth from your mouth paired with the wetness makes seungmin lose the ability to speak. instead, he whimpers, reaching down and tangling his fingers in your hair as he watches his cock disappearing slowly in your mouth.
you hum around him, closing your eyes as you suck. you swirl your tongue around his tip, making sure your jaw is slack to get more of him. what you fail to reach, you compensate for by stroking him in time with your sucks.
“shit shit shit. fuck–ah!” seungmin pants, tugging and gripping your hair. his head falls to the side, his bangs falling over his half lidded eyes. sweat soaks his body as pleasure and lust swamp him. he wants to cum, he most definitely could cum at any minute but he doesn't want to.
he wants to hold because he wants so much more of you. he wants to feel you, hear you and taste you. he's hungry for you, despite the fact he didn't know it could be possible.
the more time he spends inside your mouth, the more he slowly loses it. his mind is nothing but mush. his body shaking due to the high level of lust and desire. he watches you suck his cock so perfectly. he wants to praise you, to tell you how good you're doing but he can't because if he dares opens his mouth once, he's scared of the sound that'll come out.
and then you swallow. a new, alien feeling shoots up his spine. the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. the tightness of your throat around his cock automatically causing him to let out a long and throaty groan. 
you pull away with a smirk, licking your lips as you look at your fucked out lover. 
“i see you found your voice.” you giggle. 
“good..” seungmin mumbles. you laugh softly, shifting and straddling his lap. he looks up at you through his half lidded eyes. you push back his bangs, watching them automatically part and show more of his sweat coated forehead. 
his pupils blown out with lust, beads of sweat rolling down his temples. his lips parted and dry. he's a beautiful sight to see, a sight you want to see over and over again.
“shall we?” you ask. seungmin nods his head fast, making himself dizzy. you smile warmly at him before grabbing a condom and rolling it on his length.
“are you sure?”
“yes”
“a hundred percent?”
“a million trillion percent. i want this, i'm ready.” you nod, giving the tip of his nose a gentle peck.
you hover over his cock, reaching behind and holding it at the base. seungmin holds your waist as he watches you lower yourself down on his condom clasped penis. 
you groan softly, head kicking back as you feel yourself stretching out. seungmin grips your hips tightly. he thought the warmth from your mouth was good but this warmth is a feeling he cannot describe. it's so alien yet so so good to him, for him. 
the warmth paired with the tightness is too much for his body to bare. he's melting into the mattress, his body uncomfortable hot and sweaty but comfortable high with lust, adrenaline and hormones.
“oh, god..” he says through gritted teeth as he watches you lower yourself down on him. you shakily pant, planting your hands firmly on his stomach to steady yourself.
“how do you feel?”
“strange. weird. but so fucking good. it's so amazing. i'm so.. it's so–” he digs his nails into your skin as you slowly bounce on him. 
“feels good.” you moan. seungmin can't speak, only nod his head as he leans in. he buries his face into the crook of your neck, arms wrapping around your back firmly as you bounce on him at a steady pace.
he doesn't know what to do nor does he know what he is doing. his body is on autopilot, doing what he thinks and feels is best. his teeth sinking into the skin of your neck, lips trailing to your shoulder blade where he bites. 
a string of moans and fucks leave his lips unwillingly. his voice increasing and decreasing. sometimes he is loud, moaning and groaning and not caring about the neighbours. other times, he is soft and whimpering, whispering your name over and over again.
he doesn't know what he is doing, that part is true. he doesn't recognise himself, the pleasure taking over his mind and body to the point where it feels like it isn't him anymore. 
“god yn. so good, you feel so good. oh fuck me, please.” he begs. you hold onto his shoulders to steady yourself as you use your thighs to bounce faster. you kick your head back to expose your neck as you moan his name, seungmin taking full advantage of your exposed neck to kiss, lick and suck the skin.
moans and groans combined into one. seungmin's body shaking as the pit of his stomach burns. it's tight, his balls hurt and his cock twitches inside you.
“yn–”
“m-mhm?” you look at him, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes glossy. he's close to tears as he whimpers.
“hurts. close. fuck.”
“it's–it's ok. listen to your body baby.” 
“what about you?”
“don't worry about me. it's all about you tonight baby.”
sinking his teeth into your shoulder blade, you give one finally bounce and seungmin is a sobbing, whimpering mess. he holds you close to his sweaty body, the heat from you both making you feel lightheaded. his muscles spasm as he empties into the condom, nothing but soft whispers of your name ringing over and over again in your ears.
once calm, you lift yourself up and off seungmin. he takes the condom off, tying it and discarding it in the trash before pinning you down on the mattress by surprise. your eyes widen before you swallow thickly. 
something about him has changed, like a switch has been flipped suddenly. his eyes hold nothing but pure hunger for you, his cock failed to calm down. his body is buzzing and mind mushy. he's not thinking straight anymore, his actions being driven by the pure hunger he is feeling.
“s-seungmin?” you stutter. he licks his lips as he grabs another condom, rolling it on his length before teasing your entrance with his tip by rubbing it. you whimper as you watch him.
“more. i need more of you.” you both groan in unison, your body arching up off the bed as he slowly pushes his length inside. he wastes no time in thrusting. his cock stroking and caressing your insides. you grip onto the sheets, watching seungmin lose control of himself. 
“sorry. i'm so sorry. i can't stop. so hungry. more, i need so much more. please yn, please give it to me.”
you reach up to wrap your arms around his neck to pull him down to you. he pants heavily against your lips as you smirk and wrap your legs around his waist, keeping him close.
“then don't stop. we have all night, so feel free to indulge.”
Tumblr media
note: inspiration for this mess 😃 so uh, yeah. idk what else to say because my brain is mush rn. oh! i have also been working on a lil something so keep your eyes peeled for that! don’t forget to leave feedback, reblog and tell me what you think here. curious as to what is next? here is my wips list! i hope you all enjoy! ‹3
Tumblr media
tags (open): @sstarryoong ; @septicrebel ; @bbujiikseu ; @cixrosie ; @alyszaen ; @writerracha ; @hyunluvxo ; @aestheticsluut ; @xcookiemonsteer
625 notes · View notes
youredreamingofroo · 8 days
Text
LOVE TRAIN INBOUND !! 🚂💨💨
This is inspired by @acuar-io !! Thank you for doing this and THANK YOU FOR THE TAG!! (even tho it didnt tag me properly 🤧)
Tumblr is silly and while I will tag ppl, I know not everyone will be properly tagged, so if u see this, skim thru the list for your name ESPECIALLY if your my mutual ! 🫶
To start off, I just wanna say that Fae (acuar-io) has some absolutely STUNNING sims, it's hard to exactly word it, but their sims are SUPER recognizable, and their saves (Snow flower, Cozy save, etc) are SO nicely edited, so aesthetically pleasing to the eyes 🫶😩
@oshinsimblr is the reason why I started storytelling (even before my simblr time) and why I try and find a story-related reason on why my sims/characters do certain things, her videos are also SO comforting and i love her lovesick series!!! and of course, @minimooberry the whole inspo for this simblr and why I render in blender!
@mattodore and @cinamun are AMAZING simblrs if u want rich storytelling and/or well-thought out characters, River has inspired me to really tear into my characters and give them more personality, and cina just genuinely makes such realistic characters and the tea is ALWAYS hot and simblr aside, she has very good takes >:P
@groovetrys and @circusjuney have been around on my blog and as my mutuals for a LONG time and they really are some of my biggest hype people, lori has an AMAZING legacy going on with her sim, Melody, and u should DEF check it out, and june makes the most amazing clown sims 🥹 theyre always so pretty and STUNNINGGGG
-> To add onto the above category, id also consider @miralure as one of my biggest hype ppl!!! Although they havent been around as long as june and lori, they always hype me up and it makes me stupid happy 😭 they make REALLY good lookbooks and i love their sim style SMMMM
if u dont know about @rebouks what are you DOING with your simblr-life, bc becca has some of the most human-feeling story/dialogue, i always get a stupid sappy smile on my face when i read her story posts
@jarakio has an AMAZING story called Girls with Guns and its prolly my fav story that ive read on simblr, the dialogue? amazing, the poses? amazing, the vibes? AMAZING, i'm ALWAYS hooked in whenever i see GwG pop up on my dash
@stellarfalls just HAD to be on this list are u kidding me????? Bree has a PHENOMENAL save called Valley, even tho there's no dialogue, each image and gif speaks more than words could, she's inspired me to kick up the quality of my posts and also start making gifs, I also consider her to be one of my biggest hype ppl, she always be coming in with the best compliments 🥹🫶
@torissims !!! She makes BEAUTIFUL posts, her blog is very yellow and orange and i LOVE IT, she pulls a lot of inspo from Studio Ghibli and even tho ive never seen any SG Movies, I can just see and feel the inspo, shes def underrated af 🥹
@amburgundy has BEAUTIFUL builds, and they dont just do TS4, they also make builds in other sims games!! (u did a phenomenal job with Madi's legacy house amber 🤝) I LOVE the clutter and they always looks so cozy 😭
@flovoid is another one of my hypemen LMFAOOO bro you and your tags literally make me so happy, i LOVE reading them. Flo makes AMAZING SIMS, and you should check out literally ALL of their sims, especially their sims Roo and Norman from Majima Land (first post under my Roo tag is me reacting to one of their posts with Roo and Norman, funniest introduction to a blog ever), Also their sim, Draco Almond??? He's got me tucking my hair behind my ear... 🫦🫦
@elderwisp has some of the most immaculate editing ive ever seen, the lighting, the vibes, the dialogue, the poses, the expressions, i be eating those posts up like im fine dining 😩😩
@changingplumbob is so chill, I love how much passion she has for her rotations, and her love for cats?? Perfect mutual to have, I also literally LOVE reading her behind the scenes posts, they're literally so funny 😭😭
@tricoufamily and @dejasenti99 make absolutely phenomenal renders, like if theres any renders on simblr that im gonna recognize immediately, its these two's renders, they're genuinely more HQ than my fucking eyes 😭😭
-> Also Nat (Missatan) makes incredibly HQ renders as well, these three are like... my biggest blender render inspos...
@buttertrait @missatan @virtualfolk @pearlean @claudtrait all have BEAUTIFUL sim styles, butter's is very unique, i know they arent really a sims 4 blog anymore but i ALWAYS recognize butter's sims when i see them on my dash and I genuinely love their sim style sm. Nat (Missatan) has SUCH a gorgeous sim style, you've heard of them hips dont lie, well her sims' lips dont lie 😩🫦 Virt (Virtualfolk) and Sam's (pearlean) sim styles are SO animated (if that makes sense), they're like eye-candy. Den (claudtrait), like Nat, has a sim style with the most luscious lips and poutiest faces ive ever seen and are just SOO pleasing to look at, like i just feel blessed in the eyes when i see their sims
@yukikocloud 's Apricot save and storytelling is incredibly reminiscent of Bree's posts, and I just LOVE looking at and reading her story posts, this post in particular just absolutely captivated me, I was drawn in and just get so giddy seeing the Apricot save pop up on my dash 🥹
@alientown @venriliz @nefarrilou @druidberries @machinegrl make STUNNINGGGGG occult (or cyber/robotic in Baja/Machinegrl's instance) sims. Nef always makes beautiful sims for their Cryptid "series", im just in AWE when i see their cryptids... Ven and Ana (alientown) both always make absolutely gorgeous alien sims and they also just have very unique/beautiful sim styles 😍 Baja's cyber girlies are just >>>>>>>>>>>>> I love her whole dystopian/cyber theme, its literally so good and so cool, and her Deadstars series? SO good. Alexis' (druidberries) elowen is so pretty, and her sim style, especially with occults, is just MWAH chefs kiss, literal eye candy
@swallowprettybird is just one of the sweetest people on simblr, I love reading what she has to say about mine and others' posts, and she makes amazingggg posts, I loved that one national geographic inspired post with the zebra, it was so well done
@softle0 makes some absolutely stunning builds, they always look so lived in, so cozy and I would ABSOLUTELY live in pretty much every single build they make
and honorable mentions to @droolski @felysline @pamsimmerstories @swiftviolets @weirdosalike @mushbop @calicosimgirl @shadowtrait and @seriallovertrait because I feel like they're all SO underrated, they're all passionate about their own stuff and I just love seeing their posts, and if you're seeing this, FOLLOW THEM 🫵🫵
Thank you Fae (acuar-io) once again for starting this train up, I love seeing stuff like this and it's so sweet to see what everyone has to say about one another, I may have spent 1 or 2 hours doing this, but it was INCREDIBLY well spent to be able to admire and appreciate all these people, them and every other simblr person, whether i follow them or not, deserve every last drop of love and appreciation genuinely
92 notes · View notes
threegunbrainrot · 1 year
Text
i dont have any trigun mutuals so i'm just gonna ramble my thoughts into the infinite void of tumblr. and im sure others have touched on this same topic but
it almost seems like vash is getting softer with every new installment of trigun? like incredibly consistently and incredibly specifically.
let me explain.
i'll start with tristamp and work backwards; the tristamp vash we all know and love there is incredibly adverse to violence.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
more often than not he ACTIVELY refuses to fight and just WON'T draw his gun. this post loosely counted the amount of bullets that he shot throughout all of season 1, and almost ALL of them (like to an insane degree) were dished out against knives, who vash knew was strong enough to take the hit.
the few times vash does draw his gun against a human in tristamp, it's as a blunt force weapon (against the badlads gang and livio, for example) or to disarm others/save someone with ricochet (like shooting the punisher before wolfwood can kill livio).
he just doesn't shoot people. at ALL.
then if we look at 98 trigun, things change drastically.
here, vash isn't afraid to hurt people a little if it means more will be saved in the end. of course he never kills, but he actually shoots people here. not only that...
Tumblr media
he holds a casual, sarcastic conversation while pointing his weapon at people.
he constantly shoots at limbs to immobilize people, fires warning shots extremely close to peoples' vitals, and performs several very insane trick shots throughout the show to wound those with armor.
tristamp vash wouldn't even draw, but 98 struts around firing warning shots into the sky and singing about bloodshed for intimidation! i'm not sure there's a single episode where he doesn't shoot someone at least once.
...so what about trimax, then?
(PLOT SPOILERS AHEAD)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
he is so. shockingly. violent.
of course he never kills. of course he's still trying to save people, but there's this anger in him that i was completely taken off-guard by reading for the first time.
tristamp vash is so soft he's painful to watch. 98 vash makes a heartbreaking effort to be as silly and nonthreatening as possible, constantly making himself out to be the fool. but trimax?
Tumblr media Tumblr media
he's... literally grief-stricken and out for revenge. explicit revenge. he's angry and he's hurt and he lays his intentions out so clearly. he's making THREATS.
seriously:
Tumblr media
hunting legato. HUNTING him.
it's not even a matter of drawing his weapon anymore. he does it constantly, and fires just as much. never to kill, but he doesn't joke around the way 98 vash does. the most he'll offer is a sunny smile to reassure others and nothing more.
i'm not that far into the manga, either. i'm sure there's countless more (and probably better) panels to convey this side of trimax vash, but i suppose it also says something that i've found so many panels depicting this so early on.
but the progression of vash's personality is fascinating regardless.
from a tortured, angry loner desperately trying to cling to his morals for rem's sake
to an equally devastated man who devotes himself so completely to acting the role of the fool
and finally to the sad, chronically depressed shell of a person in tristamp who refuses to so much as draw his weapon.
552 notes · View notes
Note
WIBTA if i cut off someone reaching out for help on tumblr? i am a very anxious person. ive been on tumblr a very long time because most all other social media terrifies me as someone who grew up with the wild west internet a decade past (im in my late 20s) so i feel sometimes with how reckless and spurractic people can be online in chatroom and especially clearly public platforms where any stranger, malicious or otherwise can just archive your digital presence for personal use.
more recently as someone who has been here during the pornban and as an asexual really enjoyed the quiet with no drama farming and a slow pace to talk about more unique political topics in a measured way it is something im strangely nostalgic for and a great example of my sensibilities to people when they insist that i use other platforms like discord or twitter or whatever clone for these services comes out of the old guard introducing feature creep to copy everyone else or any other indi "were the anti corporate version" of the endless scroll apps. i just dont want it. tumblr is special because im desktop only, been here for years, and i have kept track of every single change made so i have manually adjusted the change through hacks to evade every bad decision on here and make my set up look identical to how it was in 2010. so let it be understood that i tend to be a loney person because of this stubbornness. web 3.0 is too dangerous to people with addictive tendencies that my adhd brings out and my need to wear my heart on my sleeve. so i hope i defended my personality type enough to show why someone like me would see a post about some horrible abuses they have fell victim to who also share alot of the marginalized status as me and writing depressive things in the replys of others posts as to attention seek about it.
i directly interact with this person, not only to check if they are real (but wow, modern chat bots make this part horrifying for me. we really cant ever know for sure what is real anymore. trying to find warmth on the internet feels impossible now a days) i have multiple conversations at this point both venting and just casually shooting the shit. but the begging for me to constantly repost their paypal makes me so nervous in a way that i feel so guilty for because it reminds me of all the scams that get associated with this kind of ebegging and the reminder that capitalism takes away all warmth from human interaction to make them purely transnational and conditional. but then it just has been escalating where im so scared that now its not enough that im reposing on my 8 follower, all mutual blog, they are asking me to share it on other socials. accounts i do not have i have a flip phone and a laptop and i am tinkering with a windows 7 tower that will never be connected to the internet so i can always have software sit perfectly in its time capsule for when i need it. i do not have a way to help this person outside of what i learned from collage psyche classes. a part of me is so scared to just abruptly cut them off and just delete my entire account like i tend to do often on tumblr for a multitude of reasons, its a part of what lets people survive being here this long but i worry that would crush them if i did that, i dont want to make them feel more hopeless and unwanted then they already talk about. but i am text on the internet through a screen. i can only do so much. so would i be the asshole if i just deleted my account with a "i hope you hang in there, the world is a harsh place but keep moving" to cut someone so similar to me who is struggling out of my life?
What are these acronyms?
96 notes · View notes