#this is one of the best fantasy books I've ever read

[cripplecharacters]

Hello! Want to double check that I've done a decent job of avoiding disfiguremisia, and try to turn it into great counter to hatred instead of just an okay one.

Preface: I have a form of memory loss and likely brain damage so I cannot always phrase things clearly although I will try my best.

Personally I do not feel happy reading escapist stories as that happy ending is not achievable for real people. We don't get to live in a place that's completely safe and free from judgement. I'd like to write people in a hostile world who find love and safety and community, however this does necessite writing hostility. I want to make sure I'm doing so with care.

I would like to make sure that the hostility written as tension does not tar how I write how one of the main characters. He should be written with dignity and respect even when he is not being treated well by those around him.

One of my characters is blind and develops severe burn scars. He wears a blindfold to help with photophobia and sensory overwhelm, but takes it off when its dim. (CVI plus autism.)

While he does wear a cloth coverings in public due to ugly laws, he views it as a ridiculous requirement and happily removes this mask when with friends. He also enjoys that being visibly strange or somewhat unnerving to most people means that shallow people who judge by appearances avoid him.

Question: what other things might I be able to employ to counter disfiguremisia? I have him being content with his face as it tells a story of his life and he's a blunt, forward person, not covering his face for most of the story despite laws necessitating that he do so, and a few other things too (and many side characters with facial differences and deformities also).

Also none of the central plotlines centre around facial difference. He's joining a servant rebellion, befriending a bitter exile intent on status at all costs, and discovering the truth of history. (Also a mind controlling octopus being is involved and a semi sentient moon amalgam thing but don't worry about it everything's fine.)

I think later books will be a more effective counter due to lack of ugly laws and him finding a lovely interest. I will also do my best to make the counters feel real and feasible - I want it to feel like an achievable option for those who deal with prejudice in the real world. I want his happy ending to feel real.

I respect the hell out of escapist fantasies it's just that they do nothing for me personally. I really want to write someone dealing with a lot - more than I ever have - and coming out the other end happy. Yes this world is hostile and will judge me but I can find joy despite it all. Some say the world is universally cruel but I have not found this to be the case. It is wise to be wary but myself and friends can create small sections of time and space where no precautions are necessary. Am I not part of the world? Are not they? The world is not universally cruel as long as I and those I treasure live in and we are not extraordinary, simply uncommon, and what is uncommon is still a great bounty. (Something to that effect.)

I'm set on what I want to write but the specifics I'm more than happy to change in order to bring joy. Do you have ideas on how I can do this full idea full justice?

Hello,

before getting to your actual ask, I have a "few" questions about the premise of the story itself.

You mention that you don't like escapist fantasies - that's fair. Taste differs; you can write whatever and that's great. But I do find the insistence to write a story about a specific type of discrimination as an outsider rather strange. If you want to have facial difference representation, I assume you want to have readers with facial differences, correct? I mean, I don't think that many able-bodied people would be too interested in it specifically considering most don't know what it is. So okay, this is supposed to be a story of characters with facial differences overcoming centuries worth of hatred and all that. Arguably more, considering that disfiguremisia and ableism go all the way back to Biblical times.

Why are you the person who needs to tell this story?

Just as people with facial differences are readers, we can be authors as well. We tell our stories. I will take an #OwnVoices book over a one that isn't that any day, and this fact will influence the rest of this answer. I'm a firm believer in #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs and all when it comes to this stuff.

Have you talked to people with facial differences who would be interested in the kind of story you want to tell? Do you know what they want to see from an author that's not taking it from their own experience? I don't count here, because as I made clear before, I'm not and won't be interested in it. I also don't know anyone in the community who has ever said "I wish more people without our experiences wrote about how hard it is to be us!". You need to make sure there are people who want this.

So, have, or will you, reach out to those that could like it? Sensitivity readers, random people online who like to read about disfiguremisia in their free time, advocates who work on media-centric problems? Anyone who would enjoy it is automatically a better candidate to help than me. I'm too jaded, I suppose.

If you want to talk about people with facial differences in such detail and setting, you need to get to know us. One guy with a specific set of opinions from a blog on Tumblr isn't that (thank god), but I guess I can serve as a reminder that not everyone will be excited to read a book that represents them in some way. We still have preferences.

To write it, you need to involve yourself in the community, start actually spreading activism about our issues. Preach about Face Equality and celebrate when our once-a-year week happens in May. See what disfiguremisia causes. Share our efforts to get all the problematic garbage off the big screen. Read our stories. Understand us as people who are incredibly diverse, and that not all of us like to be described as strange or unnerving.

If you only want to talk about our suffering as some quota to fill on a "types of discrimination" list, it will always be flat and inauthentic, and if you don't put in the effort it's pointless. We don't want tragedy porn, and we don't need to be included in every story about struggles that just wants some brand-new type of bigotry in it. We want authors who care about us, the living and breathing people. And sometimes it might mean respecting our opinions on writing disfiguremisia.

Here is a great post by @writingwithcolor explaining the effects of tragedy exploitation. Not everything there applies, but I would consider it a very valuable read.

If you think about all this, and decide that you are ready to write such a heavy, community-based story, go ahead to...

Actual Answers! Hooray

what other things might I be able to employ to counter disfiguremisia?

Sympathize with him. Disfiguremisia is a tragedy, it's brutal and it hurts. It's traumatic and impossible to forget, even if it wasn't happening constantly just to remind us that it's still there. On this note, I would recommend you research writing characters with PTSD.

Have him think about it. Sometimes I get home after getting stared down on the street and just want to yell. You don't forget a microaggression or a hate crime after five minutes. Let him vent and let him be upset. He can have flashbacks or recall similar situations that happened in the past.

I'm glad that he's aware of disfiguremisia unlike a ton of characters who are somehow always unable to figure out that it's a problem. If the ableism he's facing is so systemic and severe, individual people will be even more extreme. You can have him remember that the shop owner was a slur-spitting bigot, or that his neighbors avoid even talking to him. I want him to call them out - in retrospective, at the moment, in his head, whatever - on what they're doing. Throw a "not this fucking thing again" or something in there.

The minimum is to make him feel like a human with an internal thought process, who is able to actually experience what's happening to him, and for it to have long-term effects.

Also, outside of the whole disfiguremisia thing and me being overdramatic, check out our #blindness tag, and research burn scar care. If you don't show the boring and mundane, it will only feel closer to tragedy porn; just a sad thing one after another.

I will also do my best to make the counters feel real and feasible - I want it to feel like an achievable option for those who deal with prejudice in the real world.

This I think is the part of the ask that made me the saddest, and not because of what you wrote. I tried to think of achievable ways; ways that we did it, tried to do it, and are doing it, and one-by-one I crossed them out as "didn't work", "no one cared enough" or "kinda worked but honestly, it didn't". Face Equality is basically non-existent, not matter how much it hurts me to admit it! We are trying our best, and it doesn't work. It's just plain hard for me to come up with suggestions for this.

In fiction, I suppose that personal resistance is the way when it comes to this. I don't think there are feasible systemic changes that could happen that don't border on magical thinking or get into the "singular glorious revolution that somehow fixes everything and everyone lived happy ever after. We fixed racism, yay!". This just sucks.He could try to educate the people who are willing to listen - that's somewhat what I'm trying to pull off here on this blog, I guess. Sometimes it works, often it doesn't, but in his situation it wouldn't hurt to try.

The fundamental part here will be whether your character is able to find a way to make the ordinary person care in the end. To me, society who still hates us just as much, with a small group that thinks we're okay isn't a happy ending. The opposite, rather. It's cold and isolating to know only your friends could value you as a human being, and downright sad to imply that we should be happy for that. I don't mean that everyone should love us in every story, but there's a difference between The Ableism being represented by an antagonist or two versus the entire world except for the main characters.

If you decide to go forward with this story, I do hope your other readers with facial differences enjoy it!

mod Sasza

[This ask was submitted before my announcement of not taking questions regarding this subject matter. As of publishing this, it still applies.]

#mod sasza #anonymous #face difference #disfiguremisia #tw ableism #long post

[ekbelsher]

The Staryk king is cross about something and whatever it is, Miryem’s not having it. She’s got the sullen glare down pat 

#spinning silver #naomi novik #staryk king #miryem #book characters #fan art #pencil sketch #this is one of the best fantasy books I've ever read #actually one of the best books full stop #also I'm getting the hang of braids

[homunculus-argument]

You know how there's people you only ever saw once, but still remember years later? This one time like ten years ago, I was travelling by train and sitting opposite of me was some dude with one single streak of silvery white hair on his forehead. He could not have been over 25, and it wasn't just a few grey hairs but a distinct white forelock, something that I had not even known can actually happen in real life. And it was not bleached, it was definitely real natural hair. I've been dying my hair since I was 12 and mine has been everything from black to white and red to green, I can tell when nordic hair is dyed vs natural.

And he didn't look like the type to dye his hair. He was the type that would wear a fedora with cargo pants, socks with sandals type of guy that you wouldn't be surprised to hear owns a katana. Long hair on a ponytail, but with that distinct white streak running through it. I did my best not to stare while I thought, how fucking cool is that? This one specific type of a guy who would know how cool it is to have a trait that only happens to characters in fantasy books just naturally has that, and keeps his hair long to show it off.

I was still living with my family at the time, and once I got home I told them about this guy I saw on the train. Like yeah I had been to university entrance exams and that didn't go well, but I wanted to tell them about the cool anime hair of this guy I saw on the train. And my family's first question was: Are you sure? No way that would actually happen, specifically not with some guy like that, he would have dyed it just to look cool. Eventually I got tired of childishly insisting that I Know What I Saw, and just gave up and let them convince me that maybe it wasn't real after all.

Until years later, I discovered that it is a real thing that happens to people! It's called poliosis and the there's plenty of pictures of people online who have it, whose hair look just like that. I was right all along. And I don't know if he'll ever hear it, but if the dude with the Main Character Hair, who was reading a fantasy book the size of a brick travelling by train in sothern Finland somewhere in the early 2010s, I hope you still know that your hair is cool as fuck.

[neil-gaiman]

Hi Mr. Gaiman,

not really an ask, but I just really wanted to say thank you for creating Good Omens together with Terry because it gave me just about the most bizarre interaction that I have ever had: I was so excited that I started to talk about GO with anyone that would listen. One day at school, I was talking to my friend about it and my science teacher overheard our conversation so he went up to us and said: 'Oh you like Good Omens too? I'm a big fan of the writers' And he proceeded to tell me that he still had some of Terry's books that he had been collection since he was a kid that needed a new home, and so he offered to give me those books (and of course I said yes). A few lessons later he pulled me aside and said: 'Remember when I told you that I still had some Pratchett books...? Well I might have underestimated it a bit' He proceeds to show me two full sized big shopping bags filled to the brim with Terry's books. I was totally flabbergasted. So I went home to the best of my ability with two very heavy bags and started to organize them all...

Turns out that my teacher had gifted me 57 Terry Pratchett books (Including a 2nd edition of GO, which I was very happy with). So now I've got enough reading material for quite some time. Thanks again for creating such a wonderful story that was (somewhat) indirectly responsible for me having back-pain after carrying the backbone of the fantasy genre in two shopping bags.

That put a huge smile on my face.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Read Project Hail Mary cause you said it had the most influence on TTOU. I've never read anything like it (except your story, of course.) Would you ever make a book rec list? Doesn't have to be sci fi exclusively.

The best thing you can do for yourself as a reader of genre fiction is go to whatever used bookstores you can find and search specifically for books from this series:

and purchase and read any of them that you can find. It's called the Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction and every issue will contain at least one story that permanently alters your brain chemistry.

Aside from that, I'd recommend The Martian by Andy Weir (the Project Hail Mary guy), the Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells, the Wayfarers series by Becky Chambers, and anything you can find by Philip K Dick or Neal Stephenson. I'd also recommend a couple of CJ Cherryh's works: 40,000 in Gehenna, and Serpent's Reach. Probably worth reading Serpent's Reach first if you can, but it's not that important, they're not sequels of each other although they are in the same universe.

The series that's had the most influence on me as a writer is of course Animorphs by KA Applegate, but I'm not sure how interesting it would be for an adult reader who doesn't have nostalgia to rely on. Also Tamora Pierce's books, all of them, it's worth picking up those if you like fantasy.

[nellasbookplanet]

Book recs: Queer science fiction, part 1

There is a lot of queer sf out there, and I read a lot of sf. When I started working on this list, I quickly realized it was impossible to include all that I've read and enjoyed in one single rec post. Thus, this is the first of so far three queer sci-fi book rec posts.

A note: queer here does not necessarily mean "guarantee of an f/f or m/m ship with a happy ending", but rather simply a significant presence of queerness. Some of the books feature no romance but has a same gender attracted/trans/a-spectrum lead, or features an m/f relationship with bisexual, trans or aro/ace characters, or simply features a world-building which is heavily queer inclusive in ways that don't always compare to our own ideas of sexuality and gender. I have however disqualified works where the only queer presence is along the lines of "gay best friend" or a blink and you'll miss it confirmation that never comes up again.

Previous book rec posts:

Really cool fantasy worldbuilding, really cool sci-fi worldbuilding, dark sapphic romances, mermaid books, vampire books, many worlds: portal fantasies, many worlds: alternate timelines, robots and artificial intelligences, post- and transhumanism, alien intelligences

For more details on the books, continue under the readmore. Titles marked with * are my personal favorites. And as always, feel free to share your own recs in the notes!

The Light Brigade by Kameron Hurley*

Dietz is a soldier in the war between Earth and Mars - to travel to the battle front, she and her fellow soldiers are broken down into light to be able to quickly travel across space. But something keeps going wrong with Dietz's travels; her memories don't match up with the mission briefs, as she experiences time itself turning in on itself. Is she going mad? Or are the things she's learning skipping through time the truth - and the war that's stealing her life the lie? A mindfuck of a book that's scathing in its critique of fascism and war. Features a sapphic lead but no romance.

A Psalm for the Wild-Built (Monk and Robot duology) by Becky Chambers

Novella. Long ago, robots, upon gaining sentience, simply laid down their work and walked into the wilderness. Long after, a tea monk looking for purpose follows after them into the wilds, where they come across one of the robots seeking its own sort of answers. While not plotless, this story focuses more on character and vibes over plot. Also has a nonbinary main character and features conversations on gender between human and robot.

Meet Me In Another Life by Catriona Silvey*

Thora and Santi are strangers, brought together by a coincidence and torn apart just as abruptly when tragedy strikes. But this is neither the first nor the last time they meet - again and again they encounter each other, as friends, lovers, enemies, family, every time recognizing in each other a familiarity no one else carries. But with every new life, a mysterious danger grows ever closer, forcing them to find out the truth of their connection. This is a puzzle-box of a story that goes some entirely unexpected places in a very wild ride, featuring a bisexual co-lead.

The Archive Undying (The Downworld Sequence) by Emma Mieko Candon

In a world where AI gods sometimes lose their minds and take entire populations down with them, Sunai was the only survivor when his god went down. In the 17 years since, he has wandered on his own, unable to either die or age, drowning his sorrows in drink and men. But his attempts to flee his past comes to a stop as he is forced back into the struggle between man and machine. Featuring some pretty wild world building and narrative techniques, this book will definitely confuse you, but it is worth the experience.

The Paradox Hotel by Rob Hart

January Cole works security at the Paradox Hotel, last stop for tourists heading for the timeport, which allows them to travel to and witness any moment in time. But years of proximity to the timeport has left its damage on January, making her unstuck in time, letting her relive memories of her dead lover even as her sanity slips away bit by bit. As she starts witnessing proof of a horrible crime in the hotel that no one else can see, January must race against her own mind, a killer, and time itself to solve it before it's too late.

A Fractured Infinity by Nathan Tavares

Hayes Figueiredo is a struggling film-maker who wants to finish his documentary, whose life gets turned upside down when handsome physicist Yusuf Hassan enters his life, claiming an alternate version of him is a great inventor who’s sent a mysterious device to their universe. As Hayes gets drawn deeper into the conspiracy - and his feelings for Yusuf intensify - he has to decide just how far he’s prepared to go to win the life and the love he wants. Featuring a very gay and very morally dubious lead, this is a creative and strange read.

Bridge by Lauren Beukes

When she was little, Bridge and her mother Jo used to play a game - one where they traveled to other worlds, inhabiting the bodies of their other selves. Now Jo is dead, and as Bridge is cleaning out her apartment she finds a strange device: a dreamworm, the very thing that supposedly makes inter-dimensional travel possible. Suddenly faced with the possibility that multiverse travel is real, Bridge is struck by a different question: could her mother still be alive? Scifi spiced with a healthy dose of body horror and some absolutely wild twists, Bridge also features a bisexual lead (however this is a blink and you’ll miss it moment) and a nonbinary co-narrator.

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet (Wayfarers series) by Becky Chambers

Rosemary Harper just got a job on the motley crew of the Wayfarer, a spaceship that works with tunneling new wormholes through space. With a past she wants to leave behind, Rosemary is happy to travel the far reaches of the universe with the chaotic crew, but when they land the job of a life time, things suddenly get a lot more dangerous. A bit of a tumblr classic in its day, this is a cozy space opera with an episodic feel and vividly realized characters and cultures. While pretty light on romance and focusing found family, there is a main f/f relationship.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

Life on the lower decks of the generation ship HSS Matilda is hard for Aster, an outcast even among outcasts, trying to survive in a system not dissimilar to the old antebellum South. The ship's leaders have imposed harsh restrictions on their darker skinned people, using them as an oppressed work force as they travel toward their supposed Promised Land. But as Aster finds a link between the death of the ship's sovereign and the suicide of her own mother, she realizes there may be a way off the ship.

Ninefox Gambit (The Machineries of Empire trilogy) by Yoon Ha Lee*

Military space opera where belief and culture shape the laws of reality, causing all kinds of atrocities as empires do everything in their power to force as many people as possible to conform to their way of life to strengthen their technology and weapons. It’s also very queer, with gay, lesbian and trans major characters, albeit little to no romance.

The Left Hand of Darkness (Hainish Cycle) by Ursula K. Le Guin

1969 classic. Genly Ai is an emissary sent to the planet of Winter, meant to help facilitate Winter's inclusion in a growing intergalactic civilization. But he's unprepared for Winter's citizens, who spend much of their time genderless or switching between genders, making for a culture wildly different from that Genly is used to.

Too Like the Lightning (Terra Ignota series) by Ada Palmer*

Centuries in the future, humanity has deliberatly engineered society to be as utopian as possible, politically, socially, sexually, religiously. Written in an enlightenment style and featuring questions of human nature and whether it’s possible to change it, and what price we’re prepared to pay for peace, this book is simultaneously very heavy and very funny, and written in a very unique style. While still human, the society presented often feels starkly alien.

The Stars Are Legion by Kameron Hurley

This book fucked me up when I read it. It’s weird, it’s gross, there’s So Much Viscera, there are literally no men, it has living spaceships and biotech but in the most horrific way imaginable. Had I to categorize it I would call it grimdark military sf. It’s an experience but not necessarily a pleasant one.

The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling*

Possibly one of the most unsettling books I’ve ever read, and definitely the most claustrophobic. Gyre, a caver on an alien planet, ventures into the dark and dangerous underground, guided only by a woman who has no compunctions on using and manipulating Gyre as she sees fit to obtain her secretive goals down in the caves.

Escaping Exodus (Escaping Exodus series) by Nicky Drayden

While my feelings on Escaping Exodus were mixed, it cannot be denied that the dynamic between the two leads and the way they go from childhood best friends to enemies on different sides of a class and power struggle is very delicious. It also features some really cool worldbuilding of living, alien generation spaceships and the human culture that has developed inside them.

The Doors of Eden by Adrian Tchaikovsky*

The Doors of Eden is something of an experiment in speculative biology, featuring versions of Earth in which various different species were the one to rise to sentience, from dinosaurs to neanderthals. Now, something is threatening the existence of all timelines, dragging multiple different people and species into the struggle, among those a pair of cryptid hunting girlfriends and a transgender scientist.

Ascension by Jacqueline Koyanagi

Ascension follows Alana Quick, an expert Sky Surgeon who stows away on a spaceship in hopes of landing herself a job. But the ship and its crew are in deeper waters than she expected, facing threats emerging from a whole other universe, all of them searching for the same person: Alana’s spiritually enlightened sister. Undeniably a bit of an odd read, Ascension is also very creative and features polyamorous lesbian relationship.

Contagion (Contagion duology) by Erin Bowman*

Young adult. After receiving an SOS, a small crew is sent on a standard search-and-rescue mission. But what they find are not survivors awaiting help, but an abandoned site, full of dead bodies and crawling with something... monstrous. No romance, but features one sapphic co-lead and one who can easily be read as demisexual (however this doesn't show up until book two, which has more romance).

A Memory Called Empire (Texicalaan duology) by Arkady Martine

Mahit Dzmare is an ambassador sent to the center of the multi-system Teixcalaanli Empire, where she discovers that her predecessor has died. Trying to protect her home, an independent mining station, from being taken over by the empire, Mahit struggles to find out the truth of her predecessor's death while carrying the voice of his ghost in her head, guiding her as best he can. Light on the romance but does feature a sapphic relationship.

The Outside (The Outside trilogy) by Ada Hoffman*

AKA the book the put me in an existenial crisis. Souls are real, and they are used to feed AI gods in this lovecraftian inspired scifi where reality is warped and artifical gods stand against real, unfathomable ones. Autistic scientist Yasira is accused of heresy and, to save her eternal soul, is recruited by post-human cybernetic ‘angels’ to help hunt down her own former mentor, who is threatening to tear reality itself apart. Sapphic main character.

Dawn (Xenogenesis trilogy) by Octavia E. Butler*

After a devestating war leaves humanity on the brink of extinction, survivor Lilith finds herself waking up naked and alone in a strange room. She’s been rescued by the Oankali, who have arrived just in time to save the human race. But there’s a price to survival, and it might be humanity itself. Absolutely fucked up I love it I once had to drop the book mid read to stare at the ceiling and exclaim in horror at what was going on. Queer in the sense that the Oankali doesn't follow human ideas of gender and relationships, which is mirrored in their romantic relationships with humans. It is, however, pretty dark, with examinations of agency and consent, so enter with caution.

Remnant by Kate Genet

One day, Cass wakes up and finds everyone else is gone. Not dead, just gone, leaving her in a world which nature starts taking back with a dangerous, unnatural speed. But as she tries to survive this new normal, Cass realizes she may not be alone after all - but who else is out there, and are they a threat?

The Scorpion Rules (Prisoners of Peace duology) by Erin Bow*

Young Adult. Featuring a dystopian future in which an AI forcibly keeps world peace by holding the children of world leaders hostage. If anyone attempts to start a war, their child will be executed. Greta is one of these children, kept in a school with others like her. But things start to change one day when a new, less obedient hostage arrives. A unique, slowburn take on the YA dystopian craze, also featuring a bisexual love triangle.

Iron Widow (Iron Widow series) by Xiran Jay Zhao

Young adult. Zetian is a citizen of Huaxia, where mecha aliens are constantly trying to breach the Great Wall. To keep them at bay, couples of men and women pilot so called Chrysalises, giant transforming robots. But the pilots are not equal - the women almost always die, sucked dry by their co-pilots. When Zetian sets herself up to become a concubine-pilot, she does so with the plan to assassinate the male pilot who caused her sister's death. Features a polyamorous main relationship.

Bonus AKA I haven't read these yet but they seem really cool:

Survival Instincts by May Dawney

Lynn Tanner has been surviving the post-apocalypse alone with only her dog for a long time, trusting no one. But when she's forced to travel the dangerous remains of New York City alongside another woman, her priorities are challenged. Is staying alone really the best way to stay alive?

These Burning Stars by Bethany Jacobs

When con-artist Jun Ironway gets her hands on possible proof of the powerful Nightfoot family, controllers of interplanetary travel, committing genocide, she has in her hands a chance of taking them and their monopoly down. But the family and their allies won't go down easily, and sends two brutal clerics to stop her.

Everfair by Nisi Shawl

A neo-victorian alternate history, in which a part of Congo was kept safe from colonisation, becoming Everfair, a safe haven for both the people of Congo and former slaves returning from America. Here they must struggle to keep this home safe for them all.

#nella talks books #the light brigade #a psalm for the wild built #meet me in another life #the archive undying #the paradox hotel #fracture infinity #bridge #the long way to a small angry planet #an unkindness of ghosts #ninefox gambit #the left hand of darkness #terra ignota #the stars are legion #the luminous dead #escaping exodus #the doors of eden #the outside #xenogenesis #remnant #the scorpion rules #iron widow #survival instincts #these burning stars #everfair

[specialagentartemis]

tell me more about classic filk i know a few songs but never got deep into it

Heck YEAH

"Filk" is music (often but not always folk music-style, often but not always song parodies to the tune of famous pre-existing songs) about sci-fi, fantasy, and other fannish topics. Filk circles are popular events at science fiction conventions, and that's really where the genre started. The word "filk" actually arose from a typo in a convention program once, and people just rolled with it ever since!

Some of the most iconic albums in the filk world are the anthology albums "Minus Ten And Counting" (songs about space exploration and the real-life space program), "Carmen Miranda's Ghost" (songs about sci-fi space shenanigans and space ghosts), and "Finity's End: Songs of the Station Trade" (songs set in the world of CJ Cherryh's Alliance-Union novels, and my personal favorite. I've never read any of CJ Cherryh's books, but these songs paint such a vivid world.) "Space Heroes and Other Fools" is another big one, it's more hit-or-miss for me but it's iconic. Other really good and foundational ones are "Divine Intervention" by Julia Ecklar, "Avalon is Risen" by Leslie Fish, and "We Are Who We Are" by Vixy & Tony.

I lean more towards sci-fi and space than fantasy, but fantasy and paganism are huuuugely popular filk topics too.

Some of the most popular names to look into include Leslie Fish (intensely prolific, barely a fraction of her work is on any streaming or music service), Julia Ecklar (famous for her "ose," the filk-world word for sad songs - because they're "ose, more-ose, and even more-ose), Juanita Coulson, Kristoph Klover, Vic Tyler (who just recently died :( rest in peace), Duane Elms, Kathy Mar, Bob Kanefsky, Alexander James (trans, with lots of filk under his previous name as well), Vixy & Tony, and Seanan McGuire. (I like Seanan McGuire's filk music better than her books, hah.) Some other great ones include Cat Faber (most acapella), Astrisoni, The PDX Broadsides, Kari Maaren, and Sassafrass (also mostly acapella. Includes Ada Palmer). Heather Dale, Tom Lehrer, and Jonathan Coulton are kind of honorary filkers too haha.

The best place to get the ones from 80s and 90s cassettes are on the Internet Archive or Youtube; a few filkers who are more currently active have their stuff on Bandcamp.

And I'll leave you with a few of my Favorite Ever filk songs:

"Sam Jones" by CJ Cherryh and Leslie Fish

"Pushin' the Speed of Light" by Julia Ecklar and Anne Prather

"Chickasaw Mountain" by Leslie Fish

"Fire in the Sky" by Jordan Kare

"The Phoenix" by Julia Ecklar

"Freedom of the Snow" by Leslie Fish

"Burn it Down" by Vixy & Tony

"Hope Eyrie" by Leslie Fish, or this Minus Ten And Counting version

"Rocket Rider's Prayer" by Kristoph Klover, Ernie Mansfield, and Cecilia Eng

"Dawson's Christian" by Duane Elms, performed by Vic Tyler or Vixy & Tony

"Somebody Will" by Sassafrass

"Chances & Choices & Fortunes & Fates" by Astrisoni

... my tastes lean sentimental and ose but I swear there's a lot of very funny filk out there too

"Never Set the Cat on Fire" by Frank Hayes (a famous one)

"Banned From Argo" by Leslie Fish (an INFAMOUS one)

"Don't Push That Button" by Duane Elms and Larry Warner

"No More SF Cons" by Juanita Coulson

"One More Ose Song" by B. J. Willinger

everything Bob Kanefsky writes

#asks #book--wyrm #filk #music

[alonetimelover]

pairing: Harry Styles x book writer!reader

fc: Saoirse Ronan

summary: YN just released her debut book, and it became the hot topic online. It might have something to do with certain someone being spotted buying it.

a/n: comments to all those posts are long, because i wanted to somehow incorporate the plot of the book that book writer!reader wrote!

masterlist taglist

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yourinstagram

liked by fallinloveinbooks, user49 and 89 202 others

yourinstagram Those are the notebooks in which I wrote my little baby. I can't believe I am typing this, but 'Silver Lining' is out !!! You can buy it at all independent London bookstores. I can't wait for your reviews. I'll read them all.

view all 8 201 comments

yourbestfriend MY BEST FRIEND IS AN AUTHOR !!! JANE AUSTEN WHO ???

⤷ yourinstagram do not disrespect the legend here

fallinloveinbooks OMG i've been following you since that one post about understanding fantasy world and being allowed to incorporate real world in it! i can't wait to read it, im going to the store right now!

⤷ yourinstagram YOU. ARE. THE. SWEETEST. and i remember you from that post and all that came after. I LOVE YOU and will wait for your words!

user92 what is the genre of the book?

⤷ yourinstagram it's fantasy! but there are a few subgenres. i'd say romance and mystery play a huge role in this book, too!

user109 will it be available online? im from us and would love to read your book!

⤷ yourinstagram unfortunately, not in a foreseeable future

⤷ user109 oh no, why??

⤷ yourinstagram being completely transparent, i released this book using my own money- no publishing house involved - because no one was really interested in it. what is in the stores is the printing i was able to afford. hopefully, they will sell and i'll be able to print more editions.

⤷ user102 im crossing my fingers for you

hArrysbtch i was looking for some new fantasy books, you are sent from heaven

⤷ yourinstagram hope you like it, angel

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harryupdates

liked by hArrysbtch, yourbestfriend and 80 393 others

harryupdates HARRY outside of the independent bookstore in London today! EDIT: because all of you are asking, he apparently bought 'Silver Lining' by YN YSN !

view all 2 202 comments

hArrysbtch I've just finished that book and OMG OMG OMG, i don't know what to tell you, but he's getting into something so beautiful so structured so sad, i can't say enough.

⤷ harrysmoustache so it's worth it?

⤷ hArrysbtch YES. YES. YES. absolutely. from the first page to the last, it just consumes you. yn did such a good job, and it's her first book ever!

⤷ harrysmoustache oh, i can't find it online

⤷ hArrysbtch it's only at independent bookstores in London. no publishing house was involved, she printed all the copies available with her own money. i can buy it for you and send it?

⤷ harrysmoustache i DMed you!

stylesbabie harry in his book girl era

harrysmylife he is back and he is reading, he's just like me

user102 there's no way he has that book and i don't

fallinloveinbooks I've read it, and I loved it. I hated it because of how much it made me cry. Harry, you're in for a ride a wild one with all the *wink*wink* scenes and the most heartbreaking chapters of literature I've ever come upon

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yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, yourbestfriend and 173 302 others

yourinstagram I cannot express how thankful I am for you and your love for my book. Unfortunately, for now, there are no copies available. But im trying to make it work. But maybe it wasn't meant to be...

view all 10 202 comments

yourbestfriend that's a bestseller book if you ask me

⤷ yourinstagram you are the love of my life

hArrysbtch not you using the last line of the book, like it didn't tear my heart open

hArrysbtch thank god it's already on my bookshelf, happy that it broke my heart and made me horny

⤷ yourinstagram Those were the emotions I wanted people to feel!

harrysmoustache my copy is flying to me, and I can't wait to read it

⤷ yourinstagram ill be waiting for your review!

user102 read, loved, cried and read again

⤷ yourinstagram two times??? i could smother you in kisses

⤷ user102 i wouldn’t mind that

user292 can't explain how unique and original it is

⤷ yourinstagram ❤️

user939 not harry lurking in the likes

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harryupdates

liked by hArrysbtch, harrysmoustache and 128 402 others

harryupdates HARRY and writer YN YSN out and about in London today!

view all 6 080 comments

hArrysbtch Alexa play that should be me by Justin Bieber

hArrysbtch she's mine harry, fuck off

hArrysbtch what is it that whenever I find someone to obsess over they become somehow connected to harry

hArrysbtch but, i smell couple material !!!

harrysmoustache he's gonna be the inspiration spark

⤷ hArrysbtch don't even start! i read silver lining with Harry in mind as one of the main characters

⤷ harrysmoustache as Emrys, right?

⤷ hArrysbtch yes! my protective and sexy bookboyfriend

⤷ user102 I see, we support complicated men here, i love it

stylesbabie they look so good together

⤷ user02 their backs are towards the camera...

⤷ stylesbabie shhh

harrysmylife I love her style !!!!

user402 she's getting so much attention from it. how did she manage this pr?

⤷ hArrysbtch pr???

⤷ user402 don't tell me it doesn't look like one?

⤷ hArrysbtch yeah, I forgot. every woman harry is seen with is just pr or the one to hate. of course. tpwk does not include woman harry is involved with?

⤷ harrysmoustache burnt!!!

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bloomsbury

liked by yourinstagram, yourbestfriend, harrystyles and 40 492 others

bloomsbury Our newest pea in the Bloomsbury pod is the sweetest, London based, young author who has just published her debut novel. We are here to help and tell you that 'Silver Lining' is coming to all bookstores in the world and to online shopping as well on the 15th of November. To feel whole again.

view all 2 202 comments

yourinstagram I LOVE MY NEW POD

yourbestfriend DONT FORGET ABOUT ME WHEN YOU BECOME FAMOUS

⤷ yourinstagram NEVER

harrystyles Congratulations, YN ❤️

⤷ yourinstagram well, thank you, harry

hArrysbtch my favourite author is getting famous!!!

fallinloveinbooks I CANT BELIEVE IT !!! congrats, yn!!

⤷ yourinstagram thank you, sweets!

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fallinloveinbooks

liked by hArrysbtch, harrysmoustache and 6 492 others

fallinloveinbooks I'm attending YN's 'meet the writer' thingy in London and I cannot express how much appreciation I have for her. She thought every little detail in 'Silver Lining' through to make the book perfect. An icon!

view all 211 comments

hArrysbtch I am here too! And I love her so much!

harrysmoustache you need to either film some moments or just post-stream it for us!

stylesbabie she looks so beautiful

user102 I am here as well! we need to meet up!

⤷ hArrysbtch im in the second row!

⤷ user102 are you the one with a pixie cut?

⤷ hArrysbtch Yes, that's me!

⤷ fallinloveinbooks I think im sitting next to you, hArrysbtch

user42 come on guys, let us now what are the questions and answers!

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dailymail

liked by hArrysbtch, user102 and 103 393 others

dailymail NEW COUPLE ALERT? Harry Styles and newly established writer YN YSN were seen leaving the same restaurant (Styles a few moments after YSN). YN independently published her debut novel just two months ago and then signed a contract with Bloomsbury publishing house after Harry had been seen buying her book. For more photos and information, visit the link in our bio!

view all 19 302 comments

user102 not you making harry the only reason she got the contract

hArrysbtch she got a contract because of the interest her book sparked online, not harry

harrysmoustache i'll just leave it here but literally Neil Gaiman praised this book online

user402 oh yes, when the privilege is striking

user99 you just cannot stop taking photos of people in their free time, invading their privacy, can you?

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yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, yourbestfriend and 201 392 others

yourinstagram Somethin' is cookin'. And that's the audiobook of "Silver Lining" voiced by me! It will be available on 23rd of December as podcast episodes on Spotify for more of you to enjoy! Merry early Christmas!

PS: there may or may not be someone else to accord their voice to Emrys

view all 19 292 comments

yourbestfriend i could be Rhiannon

⤷ yourinstagram you were laughing your ass off after two lines

⤷ yourbestfriend not my fault that Rhiannon is the comedy queen

harrystyles 📖🎤

hArrysbtch NO WAY! i adore your voice and now i'm gonna picture you as Rhiannon - this book just became even better (it already was perfect, i don't how you're doing it"

⤷ yourinstagram hopefully, i won't end up as her

fallinloveinbooks my dream came true. i usually have such a hard time reading that audiobooks are the only option. now i'm going to listen to my favourite chapter over and over again

⤷ yourinstagram which ones are your favourite?

⤷ fallinloveinbooks definitely 6, 15, 24, 33 and 42

⤷ hArrysbtch all the chapters that depicts love - i see you

⤷ fallinloveinbooks yes! the thing is that number 6 refers to love and all those chapter number's are either 6 or add up to 6

hArrysbtch wait wait wait, i've just realised. what if harry is voicing Emrys????

⤷ harrysmoustache don't give me hope

⤷ fallinloveinbooks that would be perfect

⤷ user102 i'm not ready to listen to chapter 24 and 33 with him voicing it

⤷ hArrysbtch i will die, literally. those scenes are intense!

user102 she just wants people to be able to read the book and not care about paying bundle and having shitty quality. i love her.

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harrysupdates

liked by hArrysbtch, fallinloveinbooks and 109 393 others

harryupdates HARRY and YN at the market in Clonakilty, Ireland!

view all 6 001 comments

hArrysbtch someone tell me is that her home town?

⤷ fallinloveinbooks yes, it is! her parents still live there!

⤷ hArrysbtch meeting parents? oh god, they are serious serious

fallinloveinbooks they live that small town romance book lives

⤷ user102 so true! i need her to write something like this!

⤷ hArrysbtch i would eat it up

stylesbabie Niall is proud right now

harrysmylife i can't express how much i love domestic harry

user20 she started the thunder online after *possibly* announcing that harry will voice Emrys and decided to step away from socials. i love her. i love her. i love her.

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irishharry

liked by harryupdates, hArrysbtch and 23 403 others

irishharry How thin are the chances to meet Harry in a small Irish town? Very thin. But not thin enough to be impossible. I MET HARRY FREAKING STYLES AND THE LEGEND HERSELF YN YSN !!!

view all 2 022 comments

hArrysbtch they look so cosy... i want what they have

⤷ fallinloveinbooks a man?

⤷ hArrrysbtch yuck, i only like fictional men + harry

harrysmoustache this ken's job is walk

harryupdates this is very aestheticly pleasing photo

stylesbabie small town!harry is my favourite

user102 hopefully the inspiration is overflowing because i'm reading silver lining for the third time

⤷ hArrysbtch are you okay???

⤷ user102 nope. i just love torturing myself

fallinloveinbooks the matching coats...

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yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, yourbestfriend and 401 100 others

yourinstagram my love in your heart...

view all 14 292 comments

yourbestfriend answer my calls, yn !!!

⤷ yourinstagram i won't tell you

harrystyles ...my heart in your palm

hArrysbtch I LOVE THE SOFT LAUNCH

hArrysbtch PARENTS

harrysmoustache i love how we all know that this is harry but at the same time it doesn't have to be

⤷ hArrysbtch it better be! this post just cured all my mental problems

fallinloveinbooks the caption... is it the title?

⤷ user102 look at harry's comment, it might be a main thing in her next novel/short story collection

⤷ hArrysbtch the inspiration sparked and inspiration was harry. that's it. when it's published i can die happily

⤷ user102 decide, that or harry voicing Emrys

⤷ hArrybtch im chronically online, don't require any consistency from me

harryupdates vacation in a small irish town birthed some masterpiece, i just know it

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a/n: i have part 2 made in my mind already. do we want more of them?

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #harry styles x you #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles instagram #harry styles fake ig #harry styles fluff #book writer!reader

[starrystevie]

18+ | modern office steddie au | cw: public sex, undernegotiated kinks, unsafe sex | crossposted to ao3 here

eddie doesn't do it often. okay, maybe that's a stretch. frequently might be a better word for it, more accurate. but he wouldn't say he does it everyday or anything. it's just a little break from the day, an escape from the monotony of corporate america.

he's only been in this new tech support job for a few months but he's already comfortable enough that working on his next novel at his desk doesn't give him anxiety anymore. he isn't afraid someone is looking over his shoulder all the time like he did when he first started with the company.

the thing is, eddie's good at tech. he's good at finding the problems, finding even better solutions. half the time all he's doing is updating and restarting people's equipment that hasn't been refreshed in years. so he finds himself with enough free time at his desk to work on the second installment of his fantasy novel when the problems seem to be at a low.

as he waits for his laptop to boot up, eddie cracks his knuckles and grabs his phone to send a text to his editor that may or may not also happen to be his best friend so he could cut back on over exuberant editing fees. he doesn't read the message over, just fires out a text to nancy quickly before pocketing his phone.

he only realizes the typo once he gets a laughing emoji in return and cackles at what he actually sent.

"getting ready to write some smut on the cock!!!!!"

it doesn't take long to send a winky face before correcting himself to say " on the clock obviously", before pocketing his phone and opening the document where his novel is. just as eddie is about to start typing, a voice behind him makes him jump out of his skin.

"what was so funny?" steve asks, arm propped on the top of his flimsy cubicle wall, legs crossed over one another, smirk on his face.

eddie forces himself not to swoon. he takes in the way his white button up stretches across his chest, dress pants oh so snug over his thighs, hair pushed back in the way that only steve harrington could pull off. he may have only been at the office for a few months, but ever since he first saw him, steve very quickly became the only thing eddie could think about.

"i'm sure you wouldn't find it funny," he starts, tilting his laptop screen halfway shut so steve can't catch him doing his other job, his favorite job, while at work.

steve smirks again, his cheek lifting enough to crinkle his eye. "try me, munson."

with a dramatic push, eddie rolls in his wheely chair and stands up so he can keep his voice low. "i sent my editor a dirty text on accident."

if steve's surprised, he doesn't show it.

"editor, hmm? for what?" his voice is as low as eddie's and it makes the cubicle feel even smaller than it is. like everything in the world has zeroed in on their whispers to each other.

"i might be writing a book. well, technically i've already written a book. this is just the sequel."

steve's eyes flick from eddie to his laptop and then back once more. "is it anything i'd know?"

he cackles again, picturing steve reading his smutty fantasy novel, eyebrows furrowed as he tries to make any sense out of the haphazard world map eddie drew for the back page. but then again, he could easily picture steve in the world he made. he'd be a prince- no, scratch that, an elven prince- just like the one he's writing about in this one.

"i do read, you know. i'm not entirely up to date with everything but i do like books." steve says it like he's almost hurt and it makes eddie look back up at him, mellowing out his wide grin into a softer smile.

"oh, i wasn't doubting that. i just doubt you read elf porn in your free time."

whatever hurt was lacing through steve's face is gone, replaced with wide eyes and eyebrows to his hairline and a bright smile pulling at his cheeks.

"yeah," he says a little breathless, "yeah, definitely not the first thing i'd reach for."

eddie gives him a told-you-so head nod and brings a hand up to run through his hair, tracking steve's eyes as he follows the motion for a moment. having his eyes on him rushes through eddie like a wave crashing and he's halfway tempted to do it again if he didn't think it would look forced.

"well you probably don't know mine then."

as he turns to go back to his chair, he hears steve cough to get his attention back, arms crossed over his chest to make his shirt pull taut over his beautiful, gorgeous, annoyingly perfect biceps. "so what was the dirty text?"

"well, it was actually a typo," eddie starts, cocking his head to the side with a smirk as he pulls out his phone, "so an unintentional dirty text. but still funny, none the less. and i don't think i can say it out loud without getting hr called on my ass so-"

he holds up his phone so steve can see the brief conversation between him and nancy, watches his eyebrows shoot back up to his hairline, watches as his mouth drops open for a millisecond before giving eddie another goddamn smirk. steve leans back, drops his arms to put a hand on his hip, and looks eddie less than subtly up and down.

"so... do you want to?"

eddie can feel the moment his heart stutters in his chest. a combination of steve's general... steveness plus the implication of what the text said and his mind travels to a dirty, dirty, not meant for work place until he pieces it somewhat together and asks-

"...are you asking if i'm gay?"

steve huffs out a laugh and takes a step further into eddie's cubicle. there already isn't much room and with him coming in the tiniest bit closer, their toes are almost touching.

"sure," he says like it's the easiest thing to say on a thursday afternoon. "it can be a two-part question if you want."

a few things run through eddie's head all at the same time:

steve's close enough that he can feel the heat radiating off of the arm he now has resting on his desk, and he's really about to come out to a coworker which he normally leaves for at least 6 months into a new job, and that he thinks he's going to pass out if steve is actually asking what he thinks he's asking.

do you want to write smut while you're on my cock?

he doesn't know where he finds the courage, honestly. call it a slow thursday, call it a little extra motivation for his novel. eddie scoots closer and throws caution to the wind.

"then yes to both."

he's never seen steve's office. he's been to the top floors before when some higher up needed him to install a web browser on his new desktop so he has kind of an idea of what the private offices look like.

eddie didn't expect the first time that he got to see steve's office would be spread out, bent over his desk with his novel pulled up on his laptop while steve runs his hands over his ass.

"here's how this is going to work," steve whispers close to his ear while he lays against his back, snaking a hand up to undo the knot of eddie's messy tie, popping open a button on his dress shirt in the process. "you stop writing, i stop fucking you."

with a hum, eddie presses his hips back, up on his tiptoes with his off brand dress shoes pinching his feet tightly. "i think i can manage that."

"i'm not finished," he bites gently at eddie's ear lobe, returning his hands to palm over his ass cheeks. "everything i do to you, and i mean everything, needs to be written down. turn me into a character or something, i don't care, but i expect you to be thorough."

he doesn't mean to moan at the instructions, really he doesn't, but it's so easy to picture steve morphing into a character in his world. his mind races trying to figure out how exactly to write him into the scene that had already started, but with a snap of his fingers as the idea clicks, he writes out a quick line and looks at steve over his shoulder for approval.

"who's sylvar?" steve asks, pronunciation clunky on his tongue.

"sylvar is an elven prince, might as well make you him. besides, you both have an s name."

steve chuckles, his breath ruffling eddie's hair. "okay, fair. prince, huh?"

he doesn't have to look over his shoulder again to know that steve's smirking so he rolls his eyes and finishes the sentence, only breaking away to gasp as steve brings his hand between his thighs to spread them further apart.

"i'm gonna take a wild guess and say that elidyr is supposed to be you?"

eddie nods and pulls his tie off the rest of the way. "let's see, he's one of the prince's newest attendants, known for being a bit out of control, gets chastised for staring at the prince's ass in his khakis too much-"

"you're making that one up, huh?"

he tosses his tie to the side and brings a hand up to tangle in steve's hair, pulling his lips down to his neck and waiting for him to get the hint and start kissing. "steve, i'm making all of it up. that's the way writing a book goes."

"is that so?" he murmurs playfully against his neck, teeth pressing against the skin as he smiles, hands yanking on his hips to get eddie flush against his cock. "...i don't see you writing."

eddie huffs and shakes his head before writing out quickly how sylvar grabbed elidyr by the hips roughly to show him how excited he was. steve takes the typing as the go ahead and quickly undoes both of their pants before running his hands up eddie's now bare thighs.

he didn't really have any idea of how well he'd be able to hold out to steve's ministrations while having to write them out at the same time, but any confidence he had in himself leaves when steve's palm cups his cock through his briefs. eddie cants his hips forward and brings his hand back up to tangle once more in steve's hair.

and just like that, the touch is gone.

"oh, come on!" eddie whines and brings his hands back to the keyboard, typing in random filler words until suddenly he has no underwear and hands pulling his ass cheeks apart.

"gonna fucking take you apart... shit," steve whispers and eddie doesn't think he was supposed to hear it, but he writes it into the scene anyway.

there's a cool dribble of what must be lube on his hole and he fights against the shiver it sends up his spine. "you have lube in your office?"

"no, i have lube in my briefcase. big difference."

eddie doesn't really see how to the two are different, but he laughs to appease steve before getting cut short as a finger starts to enter him. he must whine, must jerk or do something wrong because it's leaving almost as soon as it had arrived.

"steve, i swear to god," eddie groans, head dropping down as he types without looking. poor nancy is going to have a hell of time reading and editing over this draft.

they both sigh when the finger presses into him once more and steve weaves his other hand into eddie's hair to pull him up and look at his screen. "there you go, just keep typing. write about how good it feels."

and shit. that's hotter than he expected it to be.

it goes well for all of a few minutes, eddie typing and steve reading over his shoulder, scissoring his fingers to get him nice and wet and open. they both somehow manage to keep their composure, filthy words being muttered out loud that then end up on the screen.

it's after steve gets him cock in him that it all goes down hill.

"oh fuck-" eddie moans as his leg gets hoisted up for a better angle. steve's grip on his hip is brutal, bound to be leaving bruises, as he pulls eddie back to meet him in the middle.

his chest is rubbing against the pleather desk cover, nipples catching on just the right side of painful when steve pushes his shirt up and out of the way. his dick is flopping against his thigh with every thrust, the lack of friction driving him insane.

he swears he only takes his hands away from the laptop for a second but then steve's pulling out quickly, dropping his leg and getting eddie off balance. he whines like he's throwing a temper tantrum before bringing his fingers back up to type more nonsense, gasping when steve slides back in like no time has passed.

"read it," he huffs next to his ear, "tell me how perfect you make fucking me sound."

"oh my god," eddie croaks, eyes rolling back as steve lets go of his hip once more to pull his head upright. "sylvar fucks wi-without abandon, hitting every right spot possible inside elidyr, the heat of his h-heavy cock punishing him making him mad with lust."

"good, yeah that's good. like when i fuck you hard?" steve grunts out before pistoning his hips even faster, eddie's moans bouncing off the bare office walls. "tell me more, keep going baby."

"the grip he uses to hold onto elidyr's hair is the only thing keeping him upright. this is all he could want, tending to the prince's every desire, being whatever the prince wants him to be." eddie expects it when the fingers in his hair curl even tighter, his back bowing against the desk with the pressure, but he still keens loudly at the pull.

steve chuckles roughly, like he's barely holding on himself, hips stuttering before evening out. "is that what you want?"

"wha-" eddie murmurs, not trusting his voice much more than that, his brain turning into mush. "is what what i want?"

"want to tend to my desires, want to be for me to use however i please?"

and the thing is, realistically, eddie knows this whole thing is weird, blending his two worlds together in a way he's never done before, but it doesn't stop him from forgoing the rules and bringing a hand down to work over his cock. "god, don't stop. please, please, please..."

steve must be tired of the game, too, because he doesn't even attempt to quit what they're doing to punish eddie as he stops writing. he barely has time to appreciate that the game is finally over because the hand in his hair slides around to rest gently around eddie's throat, pulling him up so his back is to steve's chest, every thrust punching out another gasping breath.

"answer the question," he says, punctuating each word with a snap of his hips. "gonna let me use you how i want?"

eddie has died and gone to heaven and the cause of death is a mixture of steve's tongue, hands, and cock. his mind wanders to what else they could do together, what else he'd let steve do, what else he wants steve to do. he sends up a quick thank you to whoever is listening that he saw the job posting for this company so he could be here in this moment with a possible sex god in his midst.

the hand that he had braced on the desk for support makes its way up to cover steve's on his throat, a barely there pressure combined with his quick fingers on his cock that sends him over the edge.

he breathes out a "yes" as he shoots come across the stop of steve's desk and see stars dancing in his eyes. steve fucks him through it, whispers filth of what he wants to do to eddie right into his ear, and when he comes back to himself, he digs his nails in the top of steve's hand.

"want it, want you, however you want me-" he chokes out.

and when steve finally comes inside of him, eddie makes sure he bends back down with his cock still pounding into him to write some line about how nice elidyr thinks it feels to filled up from someone who probably shouldn't be giving him the time of day. he tries not to find parallels as steve kisses up the back of his neck as he rocks his hips for the final time.

eddie's bare ass is in a mixture of their come as they maneuver him around to let him sit up and wrap his legs around steve's hips, pulling their spent cocks together while they lazily make out. steve's hands dance softly over his bare thighs, eddie threads his fingers through steve's hair.

"how does it end?" steve whispers against his lips.

"i don't know yet," eddie says truthfully, his mind wandering as kisses start to trail down his jawline. "how do you want it to end?"

"i don't suppose they have bars in this elf world, do they? one where they can go on an actual date to before going back to the palace or whatever to ravage each other?"

eddie grins, tipping his head back to catch steve's lips one more time in a slow kiss. "i can arrange for them to go to the tavern. i think they'd both like that."

the next morning, slightly hungover and draped over each other in steve's way too large bed, eddie ignores a text from nancy asking why the names change halfway through the draft and wondering who the fuck steve is. eddie silences his phone and goes back to sleep, so glad that he didn't double check his first message yesterday for typos.

#HI this got long so i will be posting it to ao3 #shoutout to mickala and alice for turning me into this monster #pls excuse any and all typos because i wrote this at work and just want to go home #steddie #my writing #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie drabble #steddie ficlet #steddie fic #steddie smut #modern steddie #steddie au

[baekberrie]

our pages | c.beomgyu

summary: In a university literature class, you and Choi Beomgyu, once estranged best friends, are assigned to rewrite the tragic ending of Romeo and Juliet. During your research in the library, you stumble upon an ancient book. Intrigued by its enigmatic aura, you find yourselves mysteriously drawn to it, and as you delve deeper, you inexplicably fall into a shared slumber. In your reverie, you are forced to embark on a journey of reconciliation and reflection. Guided by the ethereal world within the book's pages, you confront long-buried emotions and rediscover the true depth of your connection.

✧ ex bestfriend! beomgyu x ex bestfriend! reader

✧ romance, estranged best friends to ?? lovers kind of? Romeo and Juliet au, slight angst, forced proximity, hurt, and comfort, a hint of drama and fantasy

✧warnings: kissing, Beomgyu cusses here and there, some tonal switches, many dialogues

a/n: I've read through this one shot at least a hundred times so I skipped the proofreading because I was really eager to post it, i hope there aren't any atrocious mistakes (there shouldn't be). Anyway, happy reading!

✧ w/c: 13.7k (oops??)

“For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.” 

Mr. Kim’s voice flowed in the silent literature hall, every person letting the tragedy sink in like ink on paper. The professor looked up from his script. “And that concludes the Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet-” He spoke in short sentences, however, suspense hung in the air as he halted in his steps across the room.

“But it can’t end like this, don’t you agree?” The class let out a collective hum as they reflected on his enthusiastic question. Mr.Kim took the slightly undersized glasses off the bridge of his nose and placed them on the desk behind him. 

 It really can’t end like this,” Your best friend, Mia, sniffed into the paw of her sleeve, agreeing silently. Mentally, you shook your head at her dramatic antics. You knew that deep down, she didn’t really give a flying fuck about Romeo and Juliet, but since her toxic boyfriend was pushing and pulling again, it all hit close to home.

“I want you all to find a remedy to their story. I’ll pair you into groups of two, and together you’ll write the better ending for Romeo and Juliet.” It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t a suggestion, he was dead serious about this project. In all honesty, you found the ancient love story absolutely beautiful, however, couldn’t help but wonder who broke Mr.Kim’s heart enough for him to be so hung up over this fictitious separation. 

Mia sneaked her hand into yours, shaking you out of your thoughtful state.

“Don’t you agree?” Her sad deer-like eyes came into your view, begging for your empathy. “It’s so sad, it’s like the worst way to part from someone,” She mumbled through her pouty lips. “ever,” a sniff came from her nose, shoulders slumping as she hit the backrest again. 

“The worst way to part with someone?” You thought out loud. If someone were to ask you that question, you would undoubtedly answer with something other than Romeo and Juliet.

Fallouts. You thought. Yeah, those were definitely more painful.

More specifically, the fallout with Choi Beomgyu. 

Sure, Romeo and Juliet’s separation hurt, you admitted while watching your best friend sulk about her toxic boyfriend leaving her for the fifth time that month; but have you ever been estranged from the dearest friend you’ve ever had? The question insensitively introduced itself in your head, but you quickly shooed it away. Romeo and Juliet, their love for each other, and the violence that broke them apart ended up becoming one altogether. 

But cherishing someone so deeply, only to be cruelly pulled apart from each other, your relationship reduced to nothing but hostility. Leaving you to experience that pain every single time you cross paths with him. Wasn’t that just as painful, if not more? Knowing you’ll never be the way you once were.

Choi Beomgyu was by now a name that shouldn’t be pronounced in your presence, it was a name loaded with so many different feelings that you were better off burying down the deepest holes ever known to man. 

You wanted to forget.

But like a cruel joke, the more you pushed it away the more everything would come crashing upon you with double force; The memories your heart cherished despite your efforts to suppress them, every little thing that he had given you, why did it still mean so much to you while all you harbored in your chest was a seething rage at the mere thought of him?

The young man was always smiling whenever you’d walk past each other in the busy hallways of the university. A part of you resented him for that. Whilst you were still stuck in time, he seemed to be completely fine. Like you never were a part of his life. 

Has it been that easy for him to forget you?

You didn’t know why you were still hung up over it, even after all the time that had passed. Hence, you could barely recall the last time the two of you had spoken to each other more than two obligatory words. The only reason that you still knew what his voice sounded like was because you shared this literature class. Much to your dismay.

That explained the utter horror, disappointment, and betrayal contorting the features of your face as Mr. Kim’s lips enunciated your and Beomgyu’s name in the same sentence. Silent pleas were sent Mr. Kim’s way as you met his gaze with big eyes, shaking your head slowly and mouthing several desperate no’s. The old man mercilessly slid the information paper on your desk. He knew damn well the two of you weren’t on speaking terms, and yet there you were being paired up for a project where you had to find a better ending for the youthful lovers. The two of you hadn’t been able to find one for yourselves, how in the world were you going to fix Romeo and Juliet’s!?

Picking up your jaw, you whipped around in your seat to send the young man a fiery glare that could hopefully get the message across. But he was looking out the window, painfully obviously avoiding your confrontation. Shoulders dropping, you turned back around, feeling stupid. Don’t act like you care, you reprimanded yourself.

He doesn’t care, so why should you?

To your surprise, he cared enough to wait for you outside of class, and a silly part of your brain thought that maybe this was something you could get done without further problems. But that small hope soon wilted to nothing when Beomgyu opened his foul little mouth.

“I am not doing this with you.” He gritted through his teeth, the hostile tone immediately had your heartbeat quickening in your chest. Squinting your eyes, you pushed the paper Mr. Kim had given you into his chest. Beomgyu’s hands awkwardly fumbled to catch it.

“And I am not doing this on my own.” You hissed, bumping your shoulder into his. “I’ll see you in the library after class.” It was a warning, and Beomgyu should know better than to not show up. Though, deep down you knew that he owed you no such thing.

***

A few people were roaming around the library when you pushed through the glass doors, the wooden pavement creaking underneath the pressure of your feet. The scent of books and pages instantly embraced your senses, and you welcomed it by breathing it in. You found it somehow comforting, how the light of the setting sun laid itself on the walls like the most delicate of paints, and how the dust particles flickered in the sunrays, glistening like tiny stars. 

Fingers tracing the long forgotten books on the oldest shelf of the library, dust tickled your nose but your eyes relentlessly kept searching for that title. The kind lady behind the desk had directed you here when you had asked for the Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet. She had been doubtful about the university library owning such an old piece of literature, but you tested your luck anyway. There was no better way to start this project than by finding different adaptations to compare and review.

A little frown puckered your brows when your fingertips suddenly sunk into the carved title on the back of a book at the end of the line. The color was faded gold painted into the brown leather cover protecting the ancient-looking book. 

“Lovestory.” Your lips mouthed the title curiously. Finding the closest table, you threw your things on the next chair and sat down. Hands eagerly opening it, you noted how the yellowing pages were sewn beautifully into the leather. 

Before your eyes could find any text, they fell on the odd illustrations. A fading picture of a princess-like woman adorned by a shimmering tiara around her soft hair. Her position was pensive as she stood by the railing of a balcony, staring into the night. However, what seemed to strike you about the picture was how her face was nonexistent. It wasn’t as if her face had faded with the age of the book, hence more like it had never been painted on purpose. 

You felt your eyes droop tiredly as your gaze found the first sentences written in cursive ink. Your lips mumbled the sentences absentmindedly as you read.

We were both young when I first saw you

I close my eyes, and the flashback starts

I'm standing there

On a balcony in summer air…

***

Many internal battles had taken place in the head of the young man. He hated to admit that he lost every single one of them, as he found himself standing in front of the glass doors of the library.

With a heavy sigh, he pushed his way in, nose taking in the woody smell etched onto the walls. His eyes scanned for the familiar face, but to his dismay, you were nowhere to be found. A frown creased his forehead as he started taking hesitant steps inside, figuring he would have to search for you deeper within the library.

The book archive felt like a maze as Beomgyu walked through every aisle and still did not find the slightest sign of you. For a moment he thought that you’d already headed home, successfully fooling him. Eyebrows twitching, he could feel his blood starting to boil.

Was that it? Had he really just lost this battle against you? Beomgyu wasn’t sure what he had expected once he’d convinced himself that he owed you this one since it was for a project, but it certainly hadn’t crossed his mind that you would pull such a petty little trick to get back at him. And he had fallen for it-

Beomgyu’s angry stomping suddenly halted when he found himself in an unrecognizable part of the library. He had been so deep within his inner turmoil that he hadn’t paid any attention to where he had unconsciously brought himself.

It surprised him, though, that out of all the spots he could’ve wandered into, he managed to blindly find you.

For there you were, hunched over the round table by the window, cheek squished against an open book with your parted lips threatening to salivate on its pages. Once Beomgyu had willed himself to step closer, the louder your snores resonated. He couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped his throat at the familiar sight. Sitting himself on the opposite seat, he took a short moment to soak in the situation. It felt odd. He couldn’t remember the last time the two of you had been in each other’s presence like this, basking in the peaceful warmth of the sunset. Well, this was only possible because you were far into dreamland. He knew that if the both of you were to be awake, this would not have been a friendly meeting.

His gaze traveled along your features, following the path that your hair made while scattered over the table, covering the book you had approved as a very comfortable pillow, for you to snore like that, he thought.

But that was when it hit him.

The book. What book were you even reading? Beomgyu felt an unknown sense of curiosity and urge flow within him, sending an itch into his fingers. Ever so gently, he caressed your hair and tucked an amount behind your ear, revealing the old novel you had been reading. A confused frown puckered his brows as he saw the antiquity of it. Carefully, he removed it from the captivity of your head, but not without making sure that your cheek landed back down softly, with his palm gently guiding your face safely to the surface again.

Beomgyu closed the book to admire its build, with the old leather running underneath his fingertips, he pronounced the carved-out title of the book.

Lovestory.

He flipped it open, the first page revealing the suave illustration of a beautiful young woman from a long time ago. It didn’t take him much to know that whatever this book was about, the heroine of this story was her. For some reason, Beomgyu felt a sense of familiarity wash over him by looking at the illustration. Then it dawned on him and a shiver ran down his spine, fingers tightening around the page.

“This girl looks an awful lot like-“ he gasped, looking away from the yellowing pages down to your sleeping figure in front of him, making sure that his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. Only to realize that the lady in the book was identical to you. 

No, actually,

It was you.

"What the fuck.” The young man shuddered, nothing less than creeped out. For a split second, he considered closing the book. But his curiosity was stronger than him, and before he knew what he was doing, his hand had already flipped over to the following page. The new illustration was only going to perplex the boy further. His lips fell open, completely entranced as his orbs drank in the sight of you in a beautiful dress and a shimmering tiara coronating your head. You were standing on a balcony, hand reaching out to a man climbing his way up to you. Roses and flowers surrounded the two. Nothing short of a fairytale.

In this scene, he had seen it somewhere, but he couldn’t pinpoint it just yet, although the answer was tickling his tongue.

The man climbing your balcony was the most confusing feature to him, for he had no face. Beomgyu couldn’t tell whether the paper was just old enough to be faded, or if it had never been painted. But even then, it made no sense. Because your face, your rosy cheeks, and your sparkling eyes were ever so vivid. Almost as if you’d jumped right into the book. Beomgyu eventually spotted the worn-out text underneath the picture, and read it out.

See the lights, the party, the ball gowns

See you make your way through the crowd

Little did I know…

That you were Ro-

A yawn broke through his lips, his eyelids felt like they weighed tons as he slowly let them fall shut, head coming to rest upon the open book. Beomgyu tried to fight the sudden tiredness in his mind, but the slumber taking over him was like the song of a mermaid luring him in. 

Just like that, he had fallen into dreamland as well, missing the way the faceless man climbing the balcony came to life.

Beomgyu felt his body jolt awake, his eyes shot open after what felt like just a few seconds- but the view in front of him was nothing like the one he had fallen asleep to. There was no library, no old books, but most importantly, you weren’t there. However, before he could even start to worry, a strong arm came around his shoulders, an unknown figure pulling him close. 

“Romeo! Why did you leave us like that?” 

What?

Beomgyu turned his head to find a young man just about his age, his Cheshire-like eyes stared at him with a mischievous smile through a mask that covered just half of his face. The ornament was beautiful, with sparkling gold patterns scattered onto it. His gaze traveled to the man’s clothes, noticing the Renaissance details. Beomgyu winced when he recognized the man.

”Yeonjun?” He asked, baffled. ”What are you doing here?” 

The man in question narrowed his eyes helplessly, hesitancy vibrating in his voice as he spoke. ”Yeon…Pardon me?” His confusion was slowly becoming Beomgyu’s very own as well.

”What do you mean pardon?” Beomgyu scratched the back of his head, he was sure that this man was his best friend Yeonjun and not someone he had mistaken. 

”Yeonjun, can you be serious for one second, what are we doing here?” He snapped, noticing the way Yeonjun was looking him up and down with uncertainty.

Beomgyu checked his clothing quickly, confirming his suspicion. He was also wearing elegant pieces that resembled the ones of his friend. Only then did he realize the weight of the mask resting upon his nose. His hand reached upwards, fingertips running along its curves.

”And why are you wearing these clothes? Let’s take it off!” He started pulling the first buttons of his shirt open, causing the friend to panic as he grabbed Beomgyu’s hands at the speed of light. Confusion swirled in his dark eyes.

”You must have lost your wits, my friend, I am Mercutio! Don’t tell me you have forgotten. Did someone poison you?” Yeonjun, or should he say Mercutio? Brought him closer to inspect if he had any injuries. Beomgyu had a hard time keeping his jaw up as he watched his friend act like he wouldn’t usually laugh with joy whenever he was in misery. Yeonjun’s brows were scrunched in worry as his hands gently tapped his cheeks.

”You appear unaffected, though…” The older man continued to murmur through his pouting lips to himself, and that itself confirmed Beomgyu’s conclusion that all of this was a dream.

It was the first time that the boy woke up in a dream. There was an odd feeling in his body that he couldn’t quite pinpoint, and the more he pondered on it, the harder it became to put his finger on it. But for some reason, he accepted the circumstances pretty quickly. It wasn’t so out of pocket for a dream to be ridiculous, hence, he’d had crazier dreams than this, so why not go with the flow? 

“I apologize?” Beomgyu tried his luck with the words. Although they were studying about the Renaissance at university, he had no clue about how they used to speak at that time.

“I could not fight my eagerness, friend.” Cheeks meeting his eyes, Beomgyu reassured him. Relief replaced immediately Mercutio's previous worry like it had never been there, laughing knowingly and pulling him along to wherever they had been destined.

Music and cheerful chatter from afar danced in the nightly air, the boy could spot a grand castle-like building in the distance. The place emitted a warm light and an inviting aura that called for him.

As they went on, the only thing Beomgyu had discovered was how they were not supposed to enter this masquerade behind the walls facing them. It wasn't a simple, you're not invited. But a pretty serious risk for trouble. And yet, his friend charmed the guards with his convincing acting, successfully fooling them into allowing them to enter. Well, it seemed like Yeonjun still had some of his actual traits despite acting like a madman just a few moments ago. 

The main event started just as the two young men had made their way in. Beomgyu’s lips parted in shock at the amount of people roaming the hall. This wasn’t just any party, he realized, it was a whole ball. The women were dressed ever so beautifully, each gently targeting their man of interest with a mere gaze through their masks, hoping that they would come to sweep them off their feet.

“Welcome Gentlemen!” A man whom Beomgyu understood couldn’t be anyone but the lord of the house, warmly saluted his guests, shaking their hands heartily. “Come in! Come in!” He waved Beomgyu and his friends in, not having the tiniest suspicion upon seeing these masked youths enter his party. His mood seemed to have touched the stars as he gladly spoke to everyone.

“Who is that?” Beomgyu carefully whispered to Yeonjun, not knowing what answer he was expecting. His gaze was too busy scanning the hectic crowd to even see the deflated shoulders and exasperated gaze of Mercutio.

“What query is this?” He reprimanded, “Do not feign ignorance of the visage of a Capulet, Romeo."

Capulet.

Wait, Romeo?

His head whipped to look at his friend. Eyes wide, struggling to keep himself up.

“Is my name Romeo?” Beomgyu spoke a little too loud, earning a few looks from around. He couldn’t explain the sudden sense of fear in the revelation. It was just a dream after all. A really stupid one at that. Why the hell would he dream about being Romeo? Had Mr. Kim shoveled this Romeo and Juliet agenda so far down his throat that he ended up dreaming about it?

Mercutio sent daggers through his eyes, warning him to keep quiet.

“Have you taken leave of your senses, my friend?!” He yelled in hushed tones. “Do not reveal yourself like that! Be vigilant for Tybalt and hush.” With a shake of his head, Mercutio averted his gaze back to the Capulet patriarch who was currently inviting every lady to dance without a worry in the world.

“My ladies, it would be a delight to see you dancing! Only those girls with corns at their feet will say no! Do not shy away, may all of you please yourselves with this dance!” Capulet exclaimed, animatedly speaking with his hands, throwing them up in the air. His delighted laughter echoed against the stone walls as he with glistening eyes signaled the musicians to start playing. 

Let the party begin. 

Beomgyu watched his “friends” adjust their masks, nodding at each other knowingly, not forgetting to acknowledge him as well before they all dispersed themselves into the crowd with the plan of enjoying themselves. 

And that was how he found himself leaning against the wall by himself, slightly shivering at its low temperature. His gaze wandered along the surroundings. The warm fairy lights, the extravagant ball gowns. Women wearing shy expressions whilst putting their hands in another man’s palm. While others smiled like they had been waiting their whole life for this occasion and dragged their men to the dance floor. Despite his confusion as to why he was dreaming of such specific happenings, it still was an amusing sight to see how people in the old ages seemed to act just like today’s young people did.

Rather than dreaming so vividly, Beomgyu felt like he was watching a story unfold right in front of him. 

Beomgyu’s long train of thought was cut by the jump that his heart made to his throat as a certain someone entered his field of view. There she was, dancing in the arms of a man unknown to him, but at that moment, it didn’t matter who was accompanying her. Beomgyu’s lips fell apart as he drank in her movements that were light as though a floating feather. The white dress hugging her chest fell like the most breathtaking waterfall down to her feet, fluttering behind her as she danced across the floor. The tiara on her head glittered like stars scattered over her hair and at that moment, the young man couldn’t be more sure of this being a dream.

There she was.

 He didn’t even have to ask to know who the ethereal woman was.

Juliet.

Little did he know, that wasn’t Juliet.

The same way that he wasn’t Romeo.

That was you. 

An unknown force surged within him, a newfound resolution. And before he was even aware of what he was doing, his body was already pushing through the dancing crowd to get to you. His mind was in a haze as he chased you who moved like a fairytale. There was an urge in his movements, almost like you’d disappear if he’d be even a second too late. Beomgyu could barely recognize himself, it was as if a part of Romeo had rooted itself within him. It seemed like he’d be sharing every emotion, every thought of the youth in love tonight.

His heart was drumming relentlessly against his chest, asking to be set free as he extended his arm out, successfully grabbing your soft hand. A gasp came from your lips as Beomgyu spun you into his arms. Chest rising and deflating in heavy breaths, the young man looked almost desperate as he searched for your gaze.

Was I in love before? My eyes convinced me not, since I never realized what true beauty is before tonight. Romeo’s words echoed in Beomgyu’s head as if they were his very own thoughts, but he shook them away whilst taking you to a less crowded space. 

“Beomgyu?” He heard your voice for the first time since he saw you, and its sound grounded him in the chaos of this ridiculous dream.

“Why are you in my dream?” The question had the young man halt in his steps, spinning on the balls of his feet to see your genuinely confused frown.

“What do you mean by your dream?” Beomgyu cocked a brow, feeling how Romeo’s overwhelming emotions were finally being suppressed by his usual self.

“This is my dream, I can be here all I want.”

You shook your head, for a short moment drawing his gaze to the sparkling tiara on your head. “I was here first.” You deadpanned, only to see Beomgyu’s face fall in disbelief. 

“There is no such thing in a dream, what the hell are you talking about?” The boy felt his frustration rise, but so did you upon hearing his tone. 

“Woah,” you breathed out, crossing your arms. “You’re still an asshole despite this being a dream.”  

Beomgyu’s lips pressed into a thin line at your statement, he couldn’t find any words to defend himself.

“Look,” you sighed, ending the short silence before it could become heavier.

“I don’t know why I’m having you in my dream but please leave, go your own way, I don’t care.” Your fingers slowly went to hug your body as you averted your gaze away. “I just want to continue this dream for as long as I can, let me be Juliet in peace and we won’t have any more problems.” Although you hadn’t let anything on, Beomgyu could still spot the hurt in your voice as you begged him to leave and it put an unexplainable weight on his chest.

The pain in your voice was an ancient one. 

He should have wanted to leave, but inexplicably, he found himself unable to take even a single step away from you. Beomgyu was unsure if it was Romeo once again plaguing him with his emotions or if he was starting to lose his mind. Because what he said next caught him off guard, just as much as the previous thoughts had.

“But I am Romeo.”

You looked at him from underneath your lashes, arms falling limply to your sides.

“No, you’re not.” You said weakly, dejected. The insistence on rejecting him felt all too familiar, flashbacks of the past clouded his head for a second and he felt dread shroud his being. 

The young man insisted, "Yes, I am. And you're Juliet," as he nodded at you. What was he trying to prove? He didn't know. Was he attempting to prolong the conversation with you? Perhaps, but the reason behind it eluded him. Despite his confusion, something about this entire experience felt authentic. It couldn't have been a mere coincidence that the two of you met in this dream as the two youths in love.

“It doesn’t matter-“ You were ready to turn around, and seeing your back about to face him made a sense of panic tighten his chest. 

“Isn’t it odd though?” He interjected before you could completely face away from him.

You halted your movements with a frown, silently telling him to go on.

“Why are we, out of all people, meeting here, in these specific circumstances?”

“Where are you getting with this, Beomgyu, what is it to you? I don’t get it.” You tried to dismiss his words, although they had already found their way under your skin quicker than you’d liked.

Lips pressed together, his eyes chasing your gaze. It was almost as if he was thinking out loud. "I'm sorry," he murmured with a shaky voice. "I didn't mean to start on the wrong foot. I..." He ran his fingers through his hair, a familiar gesture you've seen him do for years. You could see his frustration growing. Beomgyu seemed to be struggling with something, and it was starting to show. The resolve he had held onto for so long was starting to crumble, and he realized just how exhausted he was to pretend.

To pretend like he hated you.

The longer he took you in, the more he felt himself slip like sand through the cracks of his hands.

He did miss you. And this was just a dream, anyway.

So it wouldn't hurt to act however he- Romeo felt like, right?

He drew in a deep breath before pronouncing the words that were dancing just on the top of his tongue, words that he had been holding back since the very second he'd seen you in the dancing crowd.

"Can we just forget everything between us, and let whatever this is…continue?" His head hung low like the hope in his heart, expecting a harsh rejection. He wouldn't blame you, he was making no sense. One second he was raging against you and the next he was begging you to let him stay with you. Maybe he was out of his mind, but for some reason as he looked at you, nothing mattered. You were the most beautiful creature God created and the reason for his life-

"Okay," your gentle voice cut through, and the boy jolted with joy at the positive response. Your shimmering eyes showed surrender, the twinkle of someone who did not want to fight.

Your gazes locked for a few moments, the silence thick and uncertain. Beomgyu's cheeks dusted an embarrassed shade of pink as he left your eyes to look elsewhere.

"So what now?" A nervous laugh spilled from his lips.

You murmured to him, "You have to say your lines." making him almost bashful underneath your unwavering stare. You knew it was rude to stare, but there was no way you couldn't be savoring this moment.

"Huh?"

"You have to let the Romeo within you speak, only that way, the story can continue." Having been within this dream longer, you had already figured its system out. You had expected the boy to look at you with confusion, but he surprised you when he nodded with determination. 

Letting his eyelids fall shut, he took a deep breath and opened the doors of his heart to the youth whose love was like a burning rose- beautiful and passionate.

A gasp left his lips at the sudden wildfire spreading in his chest. Eyes fluttering open, he hastily walked up to you. Romeo's urgency ran through his veins as he desperately took your hands in his. The light in Beomgyu's eyes had changed, his eyebrows bent in pain as he searched for your gaze but only found uncertainty and worry. He quickly withdrew his hands from yours, causing you to miss the comforting warmth of his touch.

“I fear I’ve defiled your hands, which are like a holy shrine to me, by touching them with my own unworthy hands.” From his eyes dropped honey as he took you in, lips tenderly speaking to your heart. Your heart pounded furiously in your chest, its rhythmic thumping echoing in your ears. You couldn't tell if it was your heart or Juliet's that was racing at breakneck speed. The emotions that surged within you were like nothing you had ever felt before, a mixture of fear, excitement, and uncertainty that left your throat feeling tight. You were lost in Beomgyu's captivating gaze, his deep brown eyes like vast oceans that threatened to swallow you whole. For a moment, you forgot where you were and who you were with, lost in a universe of your own. Breaking your long eye contact, you hastily spun around, allowing the young man to only face your back. 

As you stared into the starry night, you were slowly understanding the depth of this love, a love you’ve always deemed so unreal. But as you donned the young woman’s clothes, you couldn’t help but hope that this could end in a different way than it was destined to.

Despite you turning your back, the enamored young Romeo was not easily discouraged. You heard him move closer, the sweet scent of his skin caressing your senses as he leaned over your shoulder, lips brushing against your ear as he murmured;

“But I have an agreeable way to make it up to you. My lips are ready to smooth over that rough touch with a tender kiss, like two devoted pilgrims before a holy place.”

It felt as if you’d grown a second heart swelling with excitement behind your ribcage, yearning to let its wings soar. At that point, it was hard to tell if the eager butterflies fluttering their wings and dancing in your belly were your own or Juliet's. But it didn’t matter, you realized. You wanted to savor every moment, you wanted every instant to etch itself into your memory so that you could rewatch it in eternity. With hasty movements, you faced him again, not missing the way his face lit up.

”Good worshiper, you’re too harsh on your own hand,” Beomgyu watched with devotion as you picked his wrist up, and with your other hand ran the tips of your fingers along his own, aligning them until his palm was softly kissing yours. 

”as it shows a perfectly polite devotion by holding mine.” You let your gaze meet his.

”After all, pilgrims touch the hands of saints, and the hands kiss when their palms are brought together.” You breathed, in your mind tracing the silver lines of the moon illuminating Beomgyu’s features, adoring the sweet shadow that his long lashes cast down his blushing cheeks.

The male stepped closer, your kissing palms now between your chests pressing against one another, a soft breeze brushed through the long, brown locks caressing his neck.

”Yes, but don’t the saints and the worshipers have lips, too?” He curled a brow, searching for your gaze, but your eyes shied away as you settled for your intertwined hands.

”Yes, pilgrim,” you swallowed, still looking down, ”lips that they should use for prayer.”

Beomgyu’s hand left yours, and for a moment you felt your heart drop. Until his fingers soon eagerly returned to caress your rosy cheek.

”Well then, dear saint, let our lips do what our hands are doing.” His palm finally embraced your face, the pad of his thumb softly rubbing back and forth the surface of your skin. ”They’re praying for something after all, a kiss, so their faith doesn’t turn into despair.” Daringly, he lifted your chin so you could meet his gaze. Your heart raced as you whispered your response.” Saints don’t act first,” Your eyes drifted from his gaze, down the tall bridge of his nose, and onto his plush lips, despite the words that threatened to escape your throat. 

"Although they may respond to prayers." It was as if the both of you had been cast under a spell. The most beautiful spell known to man, completely immersed in the addictive sweetness of this love, neither of you wanted to pull away.

Eyes hooding, threatening to fall shut at any moment. It was the effect of the powdery scent deriving from the whole of you. A wish to be wrapped up in it ignited within him. Beomgyu had barely noticed how minimal the distance between you had become. His lips were hovering over yours, breaths mingling into one single source of air.

”Then don’t move while I get my prayers answered.” Beomgyu breathed before his pillows landed between yours, a sweetness spreading on your palate reminding the inner Juliet of the delight of honey and milk. He sighed with relief when your lips responded to his as if this kiss had truly saved your faith from turning into despair. As if your lips had saved him from a lifelong agony.

Your lips detached slowly and hesitantly, only letting go for the sake of your lungs.

”Now all the sin has been purged from my lips thanks to yours.” A sweet smile that he couldn’t hold back spread on his lips as his orbs traced the beauty of your face. What kind of blessed dream was this, to have Beomgyu looking at you like that?

You couldn’t resist the contagiousness of his joy. ”Then that sin has passed from your lips to mine.” You beamed.

”A sin from my lips?” He repeated with feigned shock, a sweet laugh hearable in his timbre. ”Oh what a sweetly suggested trespass! Give it back to me.” His lips crashed once again upon yours, hands cradling your cheeks as his mouth gently parted yours.

”You kiss by the book.” You said through your slightly swollen lips, eyes smiling behind your cheeks. He chuckled breathily. Both of you had forgotten who you truly were.

”Juliet! Juliet!!” A woman’s voice called for you, and it took you a while before you realized that you had to react. Realization seemed to dawn on Beomgyu as well as the smile dissipated from his lips, the honey in his eyes replaced by confusion and you felt your heart break a little. 

”What did we just-”

”I have to go,” You didn’t let him finish his sentence, telling yourself that it was because you had to flee the scene for the story to proceed. Deep down knowing that you were protecting your heart from a pain you had sworn you wouldn’t ever feel again because you and Beomgyu were over. But that was in real life, so why was that expression of Beomgyu’s following you even in this seemingly sweet dream?

A bitter laugh rang into the summer night as you started running away from the stunned man. So was this a joke? How could you have thought that being Juliet would have brought you anything less than pain?

What a fool you were.

“Juliet!” You heard once again when rounding the corner of the castle. Your best friend Mia appeared, dressed in clothes less refined than yours, still reflecting the fashion of the ancient century. You could imagine that her rank was significantly lower than yours. “I’ve been searching everywhere for you, Lady Juliet.” She gasped, clearly winded from the marathon she must have run whilst looking for you. You were insecure about how to reply, not quite sure of which character she was supposed to fulfill. If you and Beomgyu were the star crossed-lovers, then perhaps she was…?

“Come with me! Your curfew has long passed, we must hasten!” Mia urged her voice a loud whisper that still managed to echo slightly against the stony walls surrounding you. Gently grabbing your wrist, she propelled you forward with a force unexpected for a tiny girl like her. With brisk steps, the two of you walked down a stone path leading to a hidden passage.

“Who might you be, pardon my question?” 

The young woman halted her stride abruptly, long hair flowing down her back as she turned to cast you with an incredulous gaze. “Have you lost your wits entirely to that Romeo?” she exclaimed. “I warned you he was unsuitable for you, my lady!” She surely knew her stuff, you noted, and was pretty opinionated as well. But that was nothing short of Mia. You couldn’t help the tiny smile that was etched onto your face. Her presence brought you an infinite amount of comfort.

“I can sense our dear friendship, but forgive that I cannot quite recall…” You inquired once more, sporting a playful pout on your rosy lips. The young woman’s shoulders visibly sagged with surrender as she took a small step to face you fully.

“I am your faithful Nurse, my lady,” she replied with a slight curtsey, her expression softening with affection. "M'lady, your forgetfulness after meeting with that gentleman truly wounds me." She sniffed and adverted her gaze elsewhere, something she’d usually do when she feigned anger in your regards. The soft moonlight danced on her pretty cheeks and you couldn’t help but note how this era flattered her ancient beauty.

“Please, let us retreat to my chamber, there I’ll tell you all about my encounter with Romeo.” If you knew your best friend, then you were sure that there was no better bait than her favorite topic; love. She was judgemental of Romeo but deep down, you knew that she would devour any details of your faithful encounter with the lad. Not that you were enthusiastic about recalling it, for reasons all too clear.

You watched as Mia’s eyes widened with joy and excitement, her hands coming together into a thankful hold. Cheeks meeting her sparkling irises into the biggest smile you’d ever witnessed. You knew you had won her over. 

***

A few hours had gone since your Nurse had left your room. She’d squealed like a tiny hamster and kicked her feet like a high-school girl upon hearing what had happened between you and Beom…Romeo, as if she hadn’t completely regarded him as unsuitable just a few minutes prior. But you weren’t a bit surprised, she was a known sucker for romance. But perhaps, you were a little too.

Now that she was gone though, you found yourself completely unable to unwind.

You had spent the entire night, wide-eyed, watching the moonlight caress the walls of your room, until it slowly gave way to the warm hues of daylight. You had lost track of the countless sunsets and sunrises that had passed since you made your escape from the scene a few days ago. As you sat on the balcony, feeling the sweet breeze on your skin, you couldn't help but ponder over the situation. It occurred to you that nothing significant had happened since you left, leaving you wondering if the story had come to a pause until you and Beomgyu met again. You kicked up the hem of your long dress to let the wind cool your warm skin. 

You felt the blood rush to your cheeks as you recalled the insane kiss with Beomgyu. The pressure of the kiss still lingered on top of your lips along with that sweet scent of his that had etched itself onto your memory. His warm fingertips that had caressed your cheeks, his lashes tickling your skin. Were dreams truly so vivid?

"That's a big problem," you muttered to yourself as you walked back into the beautiful room you were slowly growing accustomed to. You’d never even dared to dream of owning such a priceless chamber, filled with even more valuable furniture. 

Throwing yourself back onto the soft bed, you rolled onto your stomach, feeling the weight of your worries pressing down on your chest. You hugged the nearest pillow to yourself, hoping it would somehow alleviate the ache in your heart. You couldn't help but let the worst thoughts cloud your mind as time passed, yet seemed so sickeningly still. A muffled scream vibrated against the lavish fabric of the pillow now pressed against your face, a desperate attempt to release the pent-up anxiousness and frustration you felt. Your feet kicked against the mattress. Would Beomgyu think less of you now? Would he even want to see you again after such a…kiss? The questions swirled around in your head, taunting you with their uncertainty.“Romeo…” You sighed slowly, “Beomgyu out of all, why did you have to be Romeo…” You complained only to be met by silence.

“Ngh-” A sudden grunt deriving from the balcony had you scramble up from your past position with haste. Hair disheveled, Beomgyu had one leg over the railing of your balcony. The dagger hanging around his waist crinkled as he landed with a thump. His shirt was slightly scrunched up and you thought you saw a leaf tangled in his soft locks before you got distracted by his voice when he puffed out his next words.

“Why the hell are there so many guards around here?!” He huffed, dusting his pants. He was standing by the big opening of your room, the long curtains by your windows fluttering him welcome along the dancing breeze. 

As if your legs had given out, you couldn't find any strength to step off the bed as you incredulously took in the very man who had been keeping you up for consecutive nights.

“Beomgyu?” Your voice faltered. It felt unreal to see Beomgyu standing there. Did his visit mean he wasn't mad or bothered by the kiss? The young man seemed unbothered as he coyly welcomed himself into your chamber, sitting himself down on your bed with a deep sigh and sprawling his tired legs before him. “hmm,” He hummed hoarsely, his arms extended behind him as he leaned his head back. Staring up at the endless details of your painted ceiling made him feel dizzy. 

He was avoiding your gaze, you noted. The silence was thick and the slight tensing of his jaw told you that he was also battling an inner turmoil. Perhaps that matter was better off unsolved, you told yourself. It wasn’t your true self acting that night anyway. 

Yes, you concluded. It was better this way. The weight lifted itself off your chest.

Just as your lips were about to part with a sigh, breaking the heavy silence, the young man beat you to it. “We’ve been stuck here for days,” Beomgyu remarked, his gaze still fixed on the celestial ceiling. You pressed your lips together, silently concurring as you nodded. Fidgeting with the delicate lace of your dress, you missed the glance Beomgyu stole at you.

“If we don’t do something soon, I fear the story will remain frozen in time,” your voice whispered gently, tip-toeing through the air to reach his ears, “forever.” Finally, your eyes met his, locking in a silent pact of understanding. Something suddenly flickered in his gaze, a dreadful kind of realization that you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

“What if the fastest way to get out of here is to…” Beomgyu’s voice came out delicate and uneasy, fading into the sentence as he feared his own words. Swallowing thickly, he parted his lips again. “Die, the way Romeo and Juliet did.”

Your breath caught as the implication sank in.

Mouth agape and trembling, unable to say anything for a while.

“We have to die…” You repeated with disbelief, albeit agreeingly as you recalled the tragic ending of the star-crossed lovers. 

Beomgyu nodded, his expression solemn. "It's the only way I can think of. Maybe... maybe that's what the dream wants. Closure. An ending."

Your heart plummeted into the pit of your stomach at the thought, but there was a deviant sense of inevitability settling over you. "But... what happens after? What if we can't wake up?"

The boy could only find it in himself to lift his shoulders in a sincere shrug. 

“I can’t say,” He confessed thoughtfully. “It’s a scary thought, I understand if you don’t want to try this solution-”

“No,” In opposition to the doubt that had started seeping into his voice, you felt the determination swarm your chest as you suddenly rose to your feet.

“We’ll do it.” You interjected firmly. Beomgyu watched you wide-eyed, skin tingling as you gently took his hand in yours, pulling him up towards you. Having lost Beomgyu that faithful day, you were pretty sure that you’d already lost everything. You had nothing else at risk. It was all just a bittersweet dream after all. None of this was real.

He seemed to have lost his tongue, or perhaps he had lost himself in your gaze, his ears ringing with his very own heartbeat.

“Are you sure?” In his warm irises danced small flickers of concern and admiration. The underlying fear in his deep timbre comforted you. This was the most the two of you had ever talked in years. The lack of hostility felt unfamiliar, but a rare gift. You wished to never forget the soft expression on his features and the concern he was mustering towards you.

Perhaps, somewhere in his heart, he did still care for you.

“I’m sure,” your unwavering determination had the corner of his lips lift, a small, barely noticeable smile. A glimmer of hope twinkled in his eyes. In reality, your head was spinning and the fear was consuming you from the inside. But you wouldn’t back away. "If this is what it takes to break free from this endless cycle, then we have to try," you affirmed. 

"Alright," he whispered, his fingers tightening around yours in a silent promise. "Together, then." You nodded, egging him to go on. 

The air was thick with anticipation, the echoes of your impending fate whispering through the stillness.

Beomgyu's voice was steady as he spoke. "My dearest Juliet, if this be our destiny, then let us meet it with courage and love."

Your breath caught in your throat as you met his gaze, the depth of his brown eyes reflecting the same fear and determination swimming in yours. "My sweet Romeo, together in life and death, our love shall transcend even the boundaries of this dream." You breathed out.

The youth nodded with a sense of grief etching onto the strings of his heart. Bringing your trembling fingers to his wavering lips, he pressed them against your cool skin and closed his eyes. "Farewell, my love," he murmured against your hand. 

A shudder left your mouth as you echoed his broken words, and Juliet’s tears welled up in your eyes.

“Farewell, my dearest,” You spoke barely above a whisper, a gentle hand reached for the apple of his cheek where the dampness of the summer heat lingered. Your thumb left tender strokes on the surface of his skin. Your feet slowly rose onto your toes, noses grazing and eyelashes tickling each other's cheeks. Brushing your lips against his for the last time.

A feather-light pressure on his pillows transcended into something deeper, more beautiful when he parted his lips slowly against yours. Agony and comfort were all you could taste. Your heart ached when you parted. Beomgyu’s eyes remained closed as a pained expression contorted his brows. "Together, my love," he reminded, perhaps to give himself more courage as he reached for the side of your hair, taking out the sharp jewelry that had been holding your locks up. Hair cascading softly onto your shoulders, you reached out for the dagger that had been hanging by his waist. Taking a deep, shaky breath, you nodded once more. Directing it towards your stomach.

Your breath got lost in your lungs as you pushed the dagger further, edges puncturing through your body. With your eyes squeezed shut, you dreaded for the pain to settle. The thick silence only offered the rhythm of your staggering breaths, until the noise of something cracking pierced through the air. Looking down hastily, you witnessed the surreal view of the dagger in your hands shattering into millions of glistening fragments. They faded into thin air. Your eyes hurried to meet Beomgyu’s, only to find him as shaken as you, with his hands void of any sharp object.

At that moment, the inexplicable occurrence bound you both in a shared bewilderment as you both realized something;

It wasn’t over yet.

Not like that.

You parted your lips to say something, but the words got stuck in your throat. What had just occurred? It was almost as if the story was stopping you from undergoing the painful death.

“Did…Did we do it the wrong way?” You wondered out loud, perplexed. “Is it because we didn’t drink poison like in the original script-” Beomgyu cut you off with a shake of his head, arms falling limply by his sides. 

“No, I frankly don’t think that’s it. The premise was dying together and that’s what we tried,” The unreadable expression in his eyes told you that he too, was short of solutions and explanations. “But we can’t give up yet,” He declared softly, an ancient determination that you knew all too well flickered in his irises. “there has to be another way.” His stubborn nature reminded you of the past you shared, sending your heart into a frenzy. You recalled blaming him for years, for changing and leaving you behind, but as you stood before each other, you were met by a Beomgyu who continuously nurtured the nostalgia that had been swimming in your chest since the very moment he’d caught your hand in the dancing crowd.

Your gaze softened upon him.

Your heart echoed his sentiments, the flicker of hope igniting within you. "You're right," you replied, your voice steady despite the turmoil swirling inside. "We need to find a better ending, one where we both survive."

A better ending, one where you both would survive…

With a sudden gasp, you grasped his hands, catching him off guard. Beomgyu stumbled slightly, his eyes widening with surprise and curiosity at your sudden fervor.

"Of course!" you exclaimed with a new sense of excitement pulsing through your veins. "Why didn't I think of this before?" Your fingers tightened around his, the connection sparking a newfound determination within you. Disregarding his perplexity, you continued with a rush of energy taking the both of you by storm.

"Maybe the solution isn't to reenact the tragic ending," you presented, your voice gaining strength with each word. "Perhaps it's about forging a new path, creating a different outcome."

You allowed your words to linger shortly, seeking for his gaze, which still seemed hesitant. "Don’t you see, Beomgyu?" you persisted. "The story is telling  us to rewrite Romeo and Juliet's fate, just like Mr. Kim's dumb assignment!" There was a hint of laughter in your tone, a flicker of amusement amidst the seriousness of the moment, as the realization slowly dawned on both of you. Beomgyu’s lips gradually fell apart at the revelation, every doubt suddenly falling back into place.

“Let’s split up for now, I’ll talk to Mercutio,” Beomgyu suggested to which you nodded fervently, already knowing what to do. “I’ll see you here at dawn.” You completed his sentence. And just like that, he was out of your field of view, the last image of him being his silhouette skillfully jumping over the balcony.

It was a silent agreement to find out more about the conflict between the two families, each to their own. Only then, could you find a true solution?

Sure, you knew that the Capulet and Montague families had an ancient feud that pulled the youths apart from each other. But…what exactly had happened?

Without wasting another second, you spun on the balls of your feet and hurried out of your room, for the first time in days, facing the hustle of the busy castle. “Mia,” You mumbled to yourself, “I need to find Mia…” The heels of your sandals clicked against the marble steps as you rushed your way through the endless corridors. Rounding a corner, you almost collided with a servant carrying a tray of food.

“I apologize, M’lady.” The servant quickly bowed their head low before scurrying away. You stood still for a moment, taken aback but quickly blinked away the slight shock and resumed your search. Your mind raced with thoughts of finding your best friend.

Weaving through the maze-like castle, you almost feared losing your way. You felt like you’d rounded the same corner at least ten times. But perhaps your determination did not deem itself unfruitful when you caught a glimpse of her bustling about in the servant’s quarters. Relief washed over you and you picked up your pace further, calling for her. “Mia- Nurse!”

The young lady whipped around with startle in her movements. Her eyes were wide with shock but upon seeing you, a familiar warmth shaped itself into her soft smile.

“Lady Juliet!” She exclaimed, “What brings you here?”

Coming to a halt in front of her, you breathlessly said; “I need to talk to you,” ignoring the confusion that swarmed her eyes at your unusual language, the rush in your veins was making you forget all about how Juliet was supposed to act. Nonetheless, the girl nodded understandingly and gave you her attention.

“Do speak your worries, m’lady. I am at your service.” You sighed with relief and took her hand, walking further inside her quarter, and closing the door behind you. 

“Nurse…Why can’t I and Romeo be together?” You initiated, struggling to find the right words. The young woman watched you with perplexed eyes. “You know full well the reasons, m’lady.” Mia’s knowing gaze weighed upon you, you noted how her voice was soft and solemn as she spoke, as though not to hurt your fragile feelings.

You shook your head stubbornly. “No! I really do not!” As your voice raised ever so slightly, you noticed the slight panic contorting her features and you immediately calmed down.

“I just…I love him so much,” You felt breathless, as the words slipped past your lips, a strange rush of vulnerability crashed upon you. Mia’s eyes locked with yours but you found yourself relentlessly avoiding her gaze. The feelings falling from your lips were Juliet’s and hers alone. But then why did it feel like your heart had been laid bare for the whole world to see?

You gulped, “I understand the feud of our families, but I need to know what happened!” You urged, hoping that you would be able to find answers. “What could possibly have been the cause of such a lifelong resentment? Why do I have to pay the price of my love because of an ancient conflict that…” the words spilled past your quivering lips, it was almost like you had no control over what left your mouth. These overwhelming emotions were too big for your heart to bear. “That doesn’t involve me!?” You implored.

Mia’s gaze softened, shoulders sinking slightly as she gently took your cold hands into her warm ones. Her touch was so tangible that you almost forgot that all of this wasn’t anything other than a dream.

“Oh sweet Y/n, but it does involve you.” Your throat suddenly felt extremely, a shiver running down your spine. “W-what?” Your voice trembled when you met her unfazed eyes. Had she just called you by your name? 

“The day that you have mourned for so long, it was you who left him,” Mia explained calmly, though the words became nothing but a swirling mess in your head. “What are you talking about?” You inquired, pulling your hands out of her grasp. Uneasiness settled within you at the direction that the conversation was taking.

“You and Beomgyu are now strangers because you turned your back on him, that day.” Her sentence pierced through your throbbing heart, a sense of injustice had you shaking your head furiously.

“How…How can you say that I left him when he was the one who denied knowing me in front of others?!” You cried out, throwing your hands in the air. “He was the one who ended our friendship at that very moment.” 

You recalled the scene vividly. The pain of that day was ingrained so deeply within your memory, that sometimes the cuts it left still felt fresh. It had been just another exhausting day of classes but nonetheless, you had been eager to meet up with your best friend at your usual spot. But as you had rounded the corner your anticipation had quickly morphed into shock. With your breath caught in your throat, you witnessed Beomgyu surrounded by people unknown to you. Their expressions taunting and relentless as they held up a photograph in front of Beomgyu’s face. His patience was wearing thin and a scowl was etched permanently onto his face. Something about the scene unsettled you deeply but you had been rooted onto your spot, unable to move.

“Shut up,” Beomgyu had hissed, attempting to rip the photo from their grasp, only igniting laughter from the others when they easily pulled it higher up.

“Why so serious? Don’t you love her anyway? But her mommy hates you, how sad!” The taller male waved the photograph teasingly and laughed in his face.

“I don’t fucking love her!” His voice echoed bitterly in the lonely corridor. You still remembered the way his voice reverberated in your ears, each word a cruel stab to your heart. “We’re merely acquaintances so cut this crap and leave me alone.” Beomgyu’s voice was cold and merciless. You had felt a strong sense of betrayal wash over you, wondering why he was denying your friendship so vehemently. You were hurt and confused, the emotions ever so overwhelming and you struggled to comprehend what had happened.

You recalled his hands curled into tight fists, his chest heaving visibly up and down after he’d gotten them to leave. And then, the moment that would haunt you for years to come happened. He had turned to you, eyes filled with a raw emotion you couldn't decipher. Something had flickered in his gaze, perhaps regret, almost as if he’d woken up from a trance. But the wall that his words had put between you was insurmountable. 

Although your name had come tumbling from his lips, begging you to let him explain, your back had already been turned, heart had already been broken into irreparable pieces.

You looked at Mia, your desperate eyes silently begging her to understand the turmoil inside of you. “I know it wasn’t easy being my friend, especially with my mother making it clear that she didn’t like him. I don’t know why she was so against him, but I never stopped defending him!” You paused to take a breath. “Not for one moment. I put him over my parents' rules and valued his friendship over my parents’ trust. I always sneaked out to see him although I was grounded for that very same reason…” Your words stumbled upon each other in your haste to defend yourself, “So how could you say that I was the one who left him?”

“Y/n,” Mia coaxed gently, eyes fluttering shut was a deep breath. “It mustn’t have been easy on your heart.” She affirmed, bowing her head slightly. “But believe my words, there is more to this tale than you are aware of.” She paused, letting you feel the gravity of her words although you struggled to make sense of it all.

“What do you mean?” Confusion clouded your thoughts, “What do I not know of? Did Beomgyu hide something from me?” Your mind spiraled, but your friend’s sudden grip on your shoulders brought your focus back on her. “Do not fret!” She scolded, her usually sweet eyes now stern as they pierced through yours. “This story goes beyond the two of thy…Your mother and Beomgyu’s father share a history.” Mia carefully unfolded the truth to you. Your arms fell limp to your sides, eyes wide open as the new information sank in. 

“It is so. They used to court each other in their youthful days.” She confirmed your suspicions. “However, they belonged to different realities. Their love was forbidden much like the tale of Romeo and Juliet. Your mother had always been true to her traditions. Attempts  to sort the disagreement between her and her family hadn’t given any fruits, they wouldn’t approve of a relationship with the young Mr. Choi.” 

Your head was spinning.

Mia’s words painted a picture of a past you never knew, shedding light on the hidden truths that had shaped your relationship with Beomgyu since the very beginning. The two of you had only been children when you’d first met. Your cries resounded in the rain storm, a knee scraped open because of your clumsy feet. Beomgyu, one of the many by-passers had heard your wailing from far. 

Not the sweet little bandaid he’d clumsily applied to your injury, not even the umbrella he’d handed you so that you would stop crying could have thawed your mother’s icy resolve. He had walked you home, only to be sent away coldly by your mother. Even so, your friendship continued flowering on the familiar grounds of your school. A part of you had always seen Beomgyu like the knight that helped the princess escape her tower of isolation. He was the sweet breeze under your shirt on a hot summer day. He was the sense of liberation and affection that shrouded you like a warm blanket when in his presence. You’d discovered parts of yourself whilst by his side, that would have forever remained uncovered if you’d listened to your parents' warnings.

“But-” Your voice faltered with disbelief, “Why would my mother put me through her same pain?” A part of you wanted to sympathize with your mother, but the longer you dwelled on it the more you felt yourself lose your mind. The endless fights, the uncountable times they’d punished you for refusing to cut ties with the friend that meant so much to you.

“You see,” Mia hummed, “That is where your mother’s resentment brews, although she points to Beomgyu’s bad influence on you, the truth is another. Beomgyu is a painful reminder of her past. His familiar face reminds her of the one man she truly loved and lost.” Her voice tinged with empathy, “She struggles to cope with her broken heart.” Every utterance was a tiny piece of the vast puzzle that was your life. Each little fragment finding its place but revealing only a frustratingly small detail. Mia's insight kept sinking in but you felt dizzy from the unstoppable rush of thoughts and questions. Your chest brimming with mixed emotions of anger, sadness, and empathy. Running a hand through your hair, you let out the heavy breath that you had been holding in this whole time. 

Your mother’s unwavering disapproval, Beomgyu’s struggle to defend himself, and the rift that had formed between you and your childhood friend. Everything was still a mess in your head, but there was only one thing clear that you just couldn’t shake off. 

Tears blurred your view as the strong sense of clarity washed over you, sending you over the edge.

Shaking eyes searching for Mia’s, nails digging into your palms. “What have I done?” You whispered brokenly, a hand coming to rest on your face as if to stop the intense swirling of your surroundings.

“I- he surely hates me for it, doesn’t he?” You told yourself, “There is no way I can restore our friendship.” no matter how much you tried to find a way, the damage you had done seemed unfathomable. 

Mia’s eyes were solemn when she regarded you, her next phrase with a weight that you couldn’t quite comprehend. “I fear not,” She proved. An ancient sorrow tip toeing in her murmur. Although you had been the one to make the statement, having her confirm it left an unbearable pain tightening your chest.

“For the bonds of your hearts have transcended the mere boundaries of a friendship,” Mia whispered, your forehead creased into a frown. 

"What do you mean?" you pleaded, searching her eyes for clarity, but the young woman merely shook her head. “You haven’t realized it yet, have you?” 

“Realized what?” 

“The words you spoke upon finding me, were no one’s but your own, dear, reflect on that.” Not Juliet’s, but yours. The additions lingered on Mia’s tongue, although she chose not to pronounce them. Your shaken expression weighted her heart.

“I don’t understand.” You let your head fall, the curtain of your hair covering the tears that were now blurring your view.

Your friend placed a tender caress on your cheek, crouching slightly so that you would meet her gaze. “Hey,” She soothed, “Do not despair, dear, there is still time.” her eyebrows raised encouragingly as her hold on your cheeks turned into a light pinch. your cheek, making you wince. “Now go forth, do not waste any more of thy precious time!” Mia exclaimed and stepped behind you, her hands on your back, guiding you onward with a gentle push, sending you off.

Stumbling forward, you couldn’t help but cast one last look back for guidance, only to have her fretting you away with not-so-subtle gestures.

The walk back to your chamber was like stepping into the unknown blindfolded. Your gaze was distant while allowing your feet to guide you back to familiar surroundings. Time was nothing but a blur, you wondered how much time you had spent in Mia’s quarter. The burning sun had bid its farewell to the sky a long time ago. Leaving you solely the moonlight to illuminate your solitary path through the now tranquil castle. The echoes from the daytime’s hustling activity were now replaced by a peaceful quietude. Even the servants had retired for the night.

A gentle timber called your name, and you feared your heart had stopped when you hastily looked up. Your pupils dilated at the view of Beomgyu’s figure walking towards you. A worried expression rested upon his features. 

“What took you so long?” He spoke in hushed tones not to wake anyone up, “I was waiting for you but you never came. I thought something happened to you.”

His concern ignited a tender warmth within you, a flood of emotions brimming in your heart as it picked up its pace in your chest. Racing far ahead of you,  drumming against your ribs begging to be set free from its hostage.

"I... I lost track of time," you managed to say through your trembling lips. "I'm sorry for worrying you."

His expression of worry melted away with the step he took, gently dismissing your apology with a shake of his head. "I'm just relieved you're okay," he confessed, watching you from underneath his lashes. The silver glow of the moon cast a delicate shade down his cheek, while you marveled at the shimmering specks of amber swirling in his eyes.

A moment of silence followed, unspoken words weighing down on your chest.

Beomgyu’s words lingered in the air like a whispered promise, perhaps one made a long time ago. A  glimmer of two youths intertwining their pinkies in a silent vow, sealing the bond with a kiss of their thumbs flickered before your eyes. But just like a sweet dream slipping away at the crack of dawn-  it vanished before you could fully grasp it. 

With your gaze falling to the ground, you struggled to move your voice past your lips. There was so much you wanted to say.

“Beomgyu I…” You began hesitantly, forcing yourself to meet his gentle ocean eyes despite the dry lump forming in your throat. He kept quiet, silently letting you take your time to express yourself. The knowing look painted on his features told you that he’d understand no matter how much you struggled to explain yourself. 

“I am so sorry-” Your voice wavered as a tear traced its way down your cheek. “It’s all my fault.” remorse, a sad melody that had etched itself into your words as tears continued spilling from your eyes, salty and melting into your lips as you continued. 

“I don’t understand why– how I could have walked away like I did, without letting you explain yourself, that day.” Your voice a mere whisper, knuckles whitening under the pressure of your trembling fist. “I should have let you tell me the truth but I let my hurt and anger cloud me…” A trembling shiver left your mouth. “Why did I do that?” 

“I threw away our friendship, I threw away the most important thing I had, I messed up so bad, I-” Before you could continue, Beomgyu’s hand had reached out. Soft fingertips caressing your skin, catching your precious tears. 

“I’m sorry too,” he said softly, his fingers absentmindedly curling around a few strands of your hair. "I should have tried to reach out to you again after that. But I too, let my pride and stubbornness get in the way." his touch was gentle as he slowly guided the stray hairs in his hold behind your ear.

“Do you…” Your hesitation lingered in the air as the question you were afraid to ask danced on your tongue. The fear in your chest fogged your mind. Although this whole journey could have served as an answer, your heart couldn’t find its peace unless he pronounced the words himself.

 “Do you hate me for what I did?”

Beomgyu found himself melting before you, fingers slowly coming to cradle your jaw. His eyes searched yours for a moment before speaking, but your gaze shied away from his. He couldn’t help but admire the way your tears were like small crystals twinkling upon your lashes. 

"Hate you?" His voice brimmed with disbelief. "No, Y/n, never." he tilted your head ever so slightly so that you could meet his gaze, so that you wouldn’t need to doubt him again. He extended a thumb, brushing away another tear that threatened to fall. "Despite what I've told myself over and over again, for years,” A solemn smile curled his lips.

“I don’t think I ever convinced myself when I tried to believe I hated you.” Beomgyu took a small step closer, lacing one arm around your shoulders. It was like you forgot how to breathe when he guided you into his chest, tucking your head into the crook of his neck. Your hands rested upon his chest out of surprise, feeling his thumping heart against your palms and almost confusing his quick heartbeat with your own.

There was something different about the way his arms tightened around you, you sensed fear in his embrace, as if you were to disappear at any moment. As if he was afraid to wake up in the middle of this moment. The sensation of his long hair tickling your skin when he nuzzled his head into your shoulder, the familiar scent of his cologne, and the warmth of his body engulfing you. His regretful murmur when he uttered the sole words that you needed to heal your heart.

“No one could make me hate you.” 

You wished for nothing else than for this to be real.

A sob escaped your lips and you threw your arms around his neck. Beomgyu’s gentle fingertips traced a sweet path down your back, hands finding your waist. Eyes fluttering close and all you could think about was how it felt like his arms were made to embrace you. 

You had finally placed the last puzzle piece into its spot,  you had found the missing pages of your book.

You had fallen back into place.

“I missed you so much,” you whispered, ignoring the way your words muffled against his chest. Despite feeling as close as ever, Beomgyu’s embrace tightened even more, “I missed you too,” his eyes fell shut to the comfort of your hold. 

Nuzzling your face deeper into his chest, the cold air of the castle slowly dissipated, replaced by a warmth that felt oddly familiar against your eyelids– a sensation akin to the gentle embrace of sunlight. Inhaling deeply, you noted the woody and papery scent that danced its way into your senses, wrinkling your nose in response. 

You jerked away from Beomgyu with a sharp gasp, startling both him and yourself. The moonlight that had been adorning his soft features was long gone. Hence the beautiful corridor you’d been standing in was by now only a mirage of your dream as you noticed the book-filled shelves surrounding you in the remote corner of the library, illuminated by the soft glow of late sunlight filtering through dusty windows.

Beomgyu’s expression brimmed with confusion as his eyes darted around, searching for you after realizing that you were back in the university’s library. Shocked, the boy felt his arms go limp, and a loud noise reverberated against the ground. Your attention immediately bolted to the book that had slipped out of Beomgyu’s grasp, landing open on the pavement. The illustration of two ancient lovers dancing in the crowd glittered in the sun.

You wasted no time picking the book up, the adrenaline rush had your fingers trembling as you flipped over a few pages, mouth falling agape at the sight of the star-crossed lovers. Their once blank faces were now vivid with your very own features adorning them. 

“Oh my God-” You breathed incredulously, flipping page after page. Beomgyu could only stand there, watching you as he tried to reason with what he had just experienced. His trance was short-lived, interrupted by you suddenly slamming the book shut. The beetroot color that had crept upon your cheeks piqued his interest.

“What did you see?” Beomgyu inquired with his brow raised inquisitively. But your response came too quickly for his liking.

“NOTHING!” You pressed a bit too defensively, earning a few distant hushes from other visitors. His suspicions were raised upon your secretive behavior “Let me see-” he tried to grab the book but you swung your arm out of his reach. He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, a displeased pout sporting his lips. You were to be damned for letting your guard down at that moment because the next thing you knew Beomgyu had snatched the book from you. You yelped helplessly and tried to get it back but the long-haired boy was far taller than you.

The sensation of cold sweat coated your body at the thought of Beomgyu finding the pages revealing a portrayal of you and he locked in a tender kiss. A new-found heat rose to your cheeks as your heart went berserk. But the view of him delicately opening the ancient novel to inspect what had made you react in such a way awoke a sense of panic that had you blurting out a sentence you had no idea how to stand for.

“No need to search, I can just show you myself.” The casual tone in your voice baffled you to no end, because your heart was in your throat, threatening to jump out. 

Thankfully, the boy looked away from the book, not yet having found the pages you had been trying to conceal. You could spot the astonishment in his expression caused by the illustrations in the book, and you didn’t blame him, why were your faces painted on those of the lovers’? 

Despite all, his eyes still showed you his interest. “And what exactly are you going to show me?” he raised a brow. Beomgyu’s casual cockiness only fueled a sudden boldness within you. "Let me see," his persistence rang in your ears and before you even knew what you were doing, you had grabbed the collar of his shirt. Pulling him close with a determination you hadn't known you possessed– shutting your eyes tightly, you crashed your lips on top of his. The boy stumbled forward, eyes wide at your sudden action, though his lips had acted on their own as they had responded to yours right away. His soft pillows eagerly nipped on yours for a mere moment before you parted from him, releasing his now wrinkled shirt from your hold. 

“That’s what I saw in the book.” You averted your gaze down to your feet, pressing your lips into a thin line.

A shy pink dusted his cheeks, gaze fastened on you, he could not bring himself to look away. His chest rose with the ragged breaths puffing out of his swollen lips. 

“You kiss by the book,” he gasped incredulously, a cheerful laugh bubbling in his throat. Your head whipped in his direction, tummy fluttering at the familiar words he’d used. You watched him throw his head back in delight as his body shook with laughter, finding yourself getting completely absorbed into the joy that sprouted from him, you couldn’t stop the chuckles that escaped your lips.  

You couldn't help but admire his smile, the way it lit up his entire face, the way his pretty eyes crinkled into twinkling half-moons. It had been so long since you had seen that smile directed towards you, and it made you feel complete.

You had no idea what kind of magic had danced on Mr. Kim’s fingertips when he slid that assignment paper on your desk, with yours and Beomgyu’s names written next to each other in red ink. But it was almost like he’d taken the red threads of your fates and tied them back together after that the two of you had let it come undone.

Now Beomgyu knew, you knew– that dreams were like magic. They appeared, tickled, and sparked a twinkle in your hearts, only to disappear just as quickly as it had appeared.

You had lost each other for so long, but you had finally found each other again under the same dream, under the same stars that had brought the two youths together through a love that transcended every boundary. 

Perhaps your fates had been written by the very same hands. 

Perhaps you were them.

You took his hand in yours, feeling its warmth like the sunset glow, painting you in its vivid colors. 

"I dreamt a dream today," Beomgyu murmured as he threaded his fingers through yours.

 "And so did I." You met his gaze knowingly.

“Well, what was yours?” A sweet smile started to curl his lips.

“That dreamers speak their heart’s truth.”

a/n: ooh my god I finally did it! here it is and I hope you all enjoyed it as much as possible!! I had so much fun writing this and I hope it was just as fun reading! this is probably one of my most dramatic pieces and I had to stop myself while writing and question where all the drama was coming from but duh!! It's literally Romeo and Juliet hello??.

anyway!! I would appreciate your thoughts on it a lot <33 I'm really curious to know how this idea I've had brewing in my head for years came out and is perceived by all of you! do not be shy and pls share your thoughts with me &lt;333

Important disclaimer!

I do not own the story or characters of Romeo and Juliet, full credit to Shakespeare who invented them.

I also used some of the dialogue from the actual script in modern English which I will be linking in this text!

so! if you made it all the way down here, I just want to thank you for sticking with me and for taking the time to read this piece! It means a lot to me. You're amazing<33

much love, p.

taglist: @wave2tyun @binluvsu @shutupheathersorryheatherr @20crowsinahoodie @woncheecks @ur-mother-realnotclickbait @20-cms @endeav0rsb1tch @todosmash @scatterbraincutie @zzhyuu @sweetstraberrybear @deabird @iluvkyo @lunathewritingcat @vivienne2000 @sunny4cast @lun4kazumii @be0mgyusbestie @yjdni @roseyposeylemonsquozey @beomgyuspeach @glossykai

#Beomgyu #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu oneshot #tomorrow x together #beomgyu imagines #txt x reader #txt oneshots #txt imagines #yeonjun #soobin #hueningkai #taehyun #romeo & juliet

[gffa]

Over the last week, I decided to go ahead with bookmarking all the fics I've recommended over the years on AO3 since I abide by tumblr poll results always (and man pour one out for all the fic that never made it to AO3 or has since been deleted, sooooo many gems lost to time!) and it was a bit more than the ~3,000 I was expecting:

Hopefully, this will be easier than browsing the hundreds of recs posts I've made, since you can filter for any of the author's tags now! These are mostly focused on Star Wars and DC fandom, but I did my time in the anime mines and occasional tours through some TV fandoms or movies. You can dig into everything unfiltered and start your own filtering, or the bigger fandoms you'll find:

MAJOR FANDOMS: Each of these should have 100+ at minimum and, in the case of Star Wars, literally almost half of them are in that fandom. Look, Star Wars fandom might be a trash fire in a lot of ways, but it is ON FIRE with some good fic. (Older bookmarks not guaranteed to match my current sentiments, especially re: the Jedi, but they did catch my fancy at that point in time!)

STAR WARS: - All Star Wars -OR- All Star Wars minus the Obi-Wan/Anakin ship - OR- Nothing BUT Obi-Wan/Anakin

BATMAN/DC: - DC can sometimes be tricky, but you can do a Batman* search and get most of them (though, sometimes Nightwing* or Young Justice* or Superman* will catch some of the others). Honestly, though, you might want to just do a search for what character or dynamic you like and have fun from there, because otherwise you're getting a face full of my Dick Grayson Is The Center Of The Universe And I'm Making That Everyone Else's Problem agenda. ;)

MARVEL/MCU: - Marvel* will probably get most of the various properties, though you may want to filter for Defenders* or Guardians of the Galaxy* if you're interested -OR- Marvel* without the Thor/Loki - These focus a lot on the Thor* fandom if you want to witness the results of like 8 years of constant voracious reading in that fandom (Minus the ship), because, seriously, I read a LOT of Odinson family fic. - Bonus, just do a search for Maximoff* to find some really good X-Men: First Class-verse because, listen, I have been ALL ABOUT the Maximoff twins since long before the movies or MCU brought them over and I will DIE ON THE HILL of "Marvel, make Magneto their bio-dad again or I'm never reading another comic of yours ever".

TOLKIEN/LORD OF THE RINGS/SILMARILLION/HOBBIT: - Tolkien* -OR- Hobbit* -OR- Lord of the Rings* searches will turn up most of my Elf-hunting, I primarily focus on the Sindar Elves, but look I can't resist my problematic Feanorian faves or that I will die on the hill that Fingolfin is the best ever. (You have NO IDEA how sad I am that so much fic on Stories of Arda or FFNET is not easily bookmarked on AO3, sob. I externally bookmarked a few of the bigger ones, but sooo many shorter faves are missing from my recs tag.)

CLAMP: - X/Tokyo Babylon legitimately bums me out because it's not a huge fandom and yet so much of what was written was pre-AO3 and lost when CLAMPesque went down or was never brought over from Livejournal, yet this fandom (well, the Seishirou/Subaru pairing) still burns brightly in my heart.

MINOR FANDOMS: Ones that probably only have under 100 bookmarks (often around the 20-30 bookmarks range), but will at least give you a place to start! ANIME/MANGA: Bleach | Cardcaptor Sakura | Dragonball | Finder no Hyouteki/Viewfinder | Katekyou Hitman Reborn! | Kuroko no Basuke | One Piece | Sailor Moon | Madoka Magica | Naruto | Princess Tutu | Trigun | Weiss Kreuz | Yuri!!! on Ice

BOOKS: Chrestomanci | Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint

DRAMAS: Nirvana in Fire | The Untamed -OR- Modao Zu Shi

TV SHOWS/MOVIES: Community | Game of Thrones -OR- ASOIAF | Good Omens | Hannibal | Highlander | The Old Guard | Our Flag Means Death | Stranger Things

VIDEO GAMES: Dragon Age: Inquisition | Final Fantasy 8 | Genshin Impact | Okami

BANDS: Arashi

All right, whew, that was actually a fun project, despite how much work it was to hunt down a lot of older faves to see if they were on AO3, hopefully you'll find this useful!

#lumi.txt #fic recs #star wars fic recs #batman fic recs

[suzannahnatters]

Some weirdly specific tropes that I absolutely adore but rarely see: Platonic Love Triangle Two attractive people will battle to the death over the right to be friends with you (I wrote this in A Day of Darkness and otherwise have only seen it in the kdrama Tale of the Nine-Tailed 1938)

The UnChosen One In the magical fantasy world, everyone has super awesome magical powers, except the protagonist (A Dream of Fire by JR Rasmussen did this SO WELL and it made me SO HAPPY; I also plan to do it myself in an upcoming project, A Lord of Thorns and Teeth)

Dying Baby King Terminally ill teen boy should be asking out his crush and having fun, not killing himself running a country (I wrote this in The Lady of Kingdoms with my squishy darling Baldwin IV, and I've only ever seen it done otherwise in the Trevor Nunn movie My Lady Jane)

Disabled Love Interest Put your romantic male lead in a wheelchair you cowards (Stella Dorthwany's Song and Flame and @rj-anderson's Knife have two of the best disabled love interests I've seen)

Sword in the Bed You've heard of Only One Bed but this is the superior medieval variant: before they bunk down together one of them draws a naked sword and lays it in the bed between them (IIRC, it happens in the Welsh Pwyll, Prince of Dyfed, and apart from that and some other medieval legends and fairytales, I've only seen it in an unfinished work by @rj-anderson auuuugh)

Fake Divorced Exactly what it says on the tin (I've never seen this? but DV I'll be writing it into the 5th Miss Dark book)

Bad Fictional Matriarchy What if the patriarchy was a fantasy matriarchy? It'd still be bad, obviously. I see this so rarely but it is always an opportunity for fantastic, layered social criticism (Greta Gerwig's Barbie movie did it well; I'm struggling to recall the one (1) other fantasy novel I read that did it!)

Sad Wet Puppy X Righteous Female Warrior ETL Enemies-to-lovers, but he's a skinny waterlogged little weirdo and she's the righteous paladin who is going to hound him to his destruction without mercy on the strength of her own heavenly wrath (it's the one thing in common between the kdrama Flower of Evil and the cdrama Till the End of the Moon and both of them sent me absolutely feral, plus I have an untitled project on the backburner that will give me the chance to do my own version of this...)

#weirdly specific tropes #tropes #these are a few of my favourite things #writing

[olderthannetfic]

I always see people who have never been antis, talking about/questioning how some antis even ARE antis when you look at their taste in media - ie the ever famous joke of "Hannigram is #problematique" "but it's a show where he eats people" or whatever.

I thought I'd weigh in as someone who could, hypothetically, be called an ex-anti (which, thankfully, nothing ever really came out of it - it was just very 2014 keyboardwarrior-esque behavior of me being a chronically online young adult who would share posts in a group chat making fun of certain shippers, or reblog posts about how 50shades is The Most Problematic Media Ever to exist -- basically I was an anti with anti-lines of thoughts, but i never, like, a ran a Shipping Discourse Blog or whatever)

For me, personally, it was a few different things. I can now see how it's incredibly hypocritical that teenaged me shipped Light/L, while still thinking that Dramione was Bad And Abusive. It ultimately boiled down to a) being pretentious, and b) just not understanding media or what proshippers REALLY believed, with a side of c) not realizing that nuance exists. like i was pretty late to join tumblr, I think I immigrated here during PEAK "yourfaveisproblematic" era which definitely did have an impact on my opinions and my tastes.

to elaborate, a.) being pretentious. i mean this one just kinda goes without saying. "I engage in media in a way more intellectual way than you do, don't you know that? You're a filthy and disgusting person who writes Snape/Hermione because you're an actually disgusting pedophile IRL who would probably date your own student that you're abusing if you could. Meanwhile, I'm a very smart, good, and pure person. When I read Uncle Vernon/Harry, I'm doing it in a G-d honoring whump way that clearly condemns abuse, incest, and rape. Unlike YOU who only writes harmful stuff as a way to get people off :/"

(as an aside, i think this line of thinking will ALWAYS be present in fandom and popculture in some way, sadly. ie the recent trend of people hating on booktok bc the books are 'trashy' and how these porn addicts should read real classic literature instead.)

as for b.), not understanding media - i cannot emphasize enough that i was GENUINELY stupid and disconnected enough to think that proshippers REALLY WERE pro-All Of The Degenerate Dead Doves That They Wrote.

why did i feel this way? why did i understand that Lolita clearly isnt pro-pedophilia, but for some reason i thought that someone shipping weecest was? well, first of all, i think that fanfiction is (generally) seen as Less Serious than classic literature, and fandom is a fun place, so i guess i somehow thought that every fanfic/fanartist who wrote Problematic Things, especially Problematic Things that they portrayed as Sexy, really DID enjoy the thought of that Actually Happening To Real People.

and i think THIS is the bulk of why antis ARE antis. i'm not calling them all stupid - i do think BEING an anti is stupid, but at the same time, there are people who are truly smart and good-intended people who just have some really off color opinions about, like, homestuck ships or whatever. Lawlight is okay because notebooks that kill people don't exist so it's IMPOSSIBLE for the Harmful Aspects of Light/L to be romanticized! but schoolyard prejudiced bullies DO exist and are a REAL problem so Drarry is BAD (*truly completely unaware of the fact that there's 'realistic' aspects of the Light/L dynamic and 'unrealistic' aspects of Drarry - such as, for example, Hogwarts arguably being even MORE of a fantasy setting than DN is.*) I know that media literacy is the hot buzzword of the year to throw around in 2024, but, like, i really did not have media literacy.

as for c.), not realizing nuance exists - ok "nuance" might not be the best word here, but i dont know how else to describe it. like, each time ive typed the word "problematic" out in this ask, i've done so in a very tongue in cheek/ironic/retroactive way, but, like, those posts about how Everything Is Problematic, Including Your Fave ARE true. and i didn't like the fact that my favorite media or favorite person might've Made A Mistake! i need to Talk About Its Issues Because I'm So Betrayed That My Dear Sweet Comfort Media Would Do This To Me. I Need To Prove I Clearly Condemn It.

like, i legit morally could not justify reblogging a twilight post without adding in the tags '#this is my guilty pleasure it sucks that the books were so racist though' or whatever. Most people were lucky enough to avoid that line of thinking, but there was an actual group of people who felt a genuine need to virtue signal all the time, partly bc, hey, they WERE passionate about talking abt #issues in media, but also bc of a subconscious fear of If You Reblog A Singular Piece Of Hetalia Fanart, You're Literally A Nazi And Will Get A Callout Post Written About You.

and during all of this i was at the tail end of my high school experience (yes i know im younger than most of your audience, ha). i was going through A Lot emotionally, going through a lot of life changes, and lived in a very . . . interesting household/place where i couldn't do ACTUAL good in the world that i was passionate about. so to make up for the fact that i was genuinely in no place to do legit activism, clearly i had to save the gay community by arguing about johnlock queerbaiting or whatever.

^ and honestly i do think that is the position of most antis. theyre isolated and cant seem to do Enough in the Real Scary World so they have to resort to talking about how bad of a person someone is for "shipping abuse", bc theyre not in a situation where they could, for example, ACTUALLY fight the good fight to end abuse or raise awareness for it.

There was way more to it and way more that I could say, if I wanted to, but this post is long enough as it is and probably doesn't make much sense.

I feel bad for antis, honestly, or at least the ones who are antis in the way I used to be.

--

Oh yes, passionate young fools who think they can at least fix the internet if not their lives make up most of the cannon fodder. Some of the ringleaders are just mini dictators and wannabe cult leaders, but most anti-leaning types are just traumatized or clueless, even a lot of the ones who do serious damage and don't just mock shit in private with their friends.

[ssavaart]

I don't know how many of you have ever read my webcomic The Dreamland Chronicles, but I wrote it for my twin boys when they were born (2003) and it's 8 books and about 2300 pages and I did the ENTIRE thing using CGI (which wasn't easy back in 2003).

And the art is wonky most of the time and I wasn't the best writer when I started it but... it's still... to this day... my FAVORITE thing I've ever written.

It's everything I ever wanted in a fantasy story. And I wrote it for my kids and... well. I would love to revisit this series again one day.

The books are all out of print now and the website has the first chapter ONLY because I had hired my friend Tracy Bailey to redo the art with her amazing amazing art and she did the first book and it's incredible... but I... honestly... ran out of money (because a great artist should be paid really well).

But look at her art!

Anyways. I was just feeling nostalgic and thought I'd post. Because, I think, that's what Tumblr is for... right? Please tell me I'm "tumbling" correctly.

#webcomic #webcomix #dreamland #the dreamland chronicles #dreamland chronicles #digital art

[dduane]

Hello! I just wanted to write to thank you.

One of my favorite lines I've ever read is “Jim was already familiar with the incessant activity of that cool, curious mind as it tirelessly hunted answers. But now he saw where the activity came from - Spock’s utter certainty that there was no higher purpose for his life than to burn it away in search of truth, and to give that truth away when he found it. More, Jim saw what fueled and underlay that certainty: a profound vulnerability paired with a great, unreasonable joy”. That, combined with the YW series (which I recently reread), is very good for my soul.

You and your work are truly an inspiration to me! That Wounded Sky quote resonated with me for the theme that joy and curiosity really can underpin an entire, happy, successful life. Young Wizards has so much of the same - books and libraries are magic, but so is nature, and space, and manmade machines, and whales and sharks. Your stories strike a balance I can't always put into words - that curiosity and joy can be self-sustaining. They are not dependent on a single field, a single datum, a single discovery. They can be a lens and a philosophy and they can fit in your pocket for everyday. Curiosity as a mindset, and an exercise in loving and engaging with the world; joy as a result of realizing how many exciting things there are to love and be curious about.

On a parallel note, I am fascinated by how you seem to blend fantasy and sci fi - your Star Trek feels loving and magical, and your fantasy feels grounded and tangible. I am in awe of how many things you've been a part of creating, because it gives me hope that I, too, might avoid having to pick a narrow niche. But in the meantime, I am so grateful to be able to escape into your books, because I fall in love with them again every time, and then I come back and fall back in love with life.

I’m glad to hear it! Thanks for letting me know. ☺️

Also: generally, I think niches are best left to statues. Create what works for you and makes you happy. Life’s too short to waste doing otherwise.

[waterloggedsoliloquy]

mutual 1: sorry the update for my webcomic this week is a bit late! i really had to rush it so it prolly looks really sloppy lol [some of the most sophisticated comic art ive ever seen]

mutual 2: call me uterine lining the way astarions cervix got me bleeding profusely

mutual 3: do you think nanowrimo will give me a posthumous pity publishing deal if i mention it in my suicide note

mutual 4: okay fine i finally started revolutionary girl utena

mutual 5: does columbo know the service he did for butch lesbians. for all of us

mutual 6: wish you were here [blurry picture set of conifer woods in early autumn evening, taken as if frantically running down a winding trail]

mutual 4: im pretty hardy i dont need the trigger list but thanks for looking out for me guys

mutual 7: good morning lovelies another day the wizard tried to best me and another day i successfully locked him in the spare bathroom lol hope u like drinking shampoo fucker

mutual 8: here is a zip of every yuri manga scan i have and here is a backup in case i get dcma'd. the himejoshi lifestyle will never die

mutual 9: i wish i could go back in time to the shinzo abe assassination and ask to hold the doohickey

mutual 10: here's my essay on how wanting to be loved is the same as wanting to be eaten. three paragraphs in you'll find out that this is 100% tied to an obscure beauty and the beast manga i've been reading lately and how much i want to fuck the beast

mutual 4: oh thats why there was the trigger list.

mutual 11: YOU CAN'T LOCK ME IN THIS BATHROOM FOREVER

mutual 12: why do i have to defend my thesis to people i dont even respect. im not dickriding you just give me the degree

mutual 13: its just me and this scab ive picked into my scalp against the world

mutual 14: my little dragon got glazed and is ready to go into the kiln! everyone wish him good luck!

mutual 3: nvm i am a beautiful genius. perhaps the most beautiful genius of all

mutual 15: i think we should give david lynch rpgmaker and whatever happens happens

mutual 16: kpeyboaatrds brpokem gpuys

mutual 17: also heres my work in progress glossary of mixtec words! i still have a long way to go but i love being able to preserve my roots even in this small way

mutual 4: i just finished the black rose arc. question: what

mutual 18: i need emet-selch to be my wife

mutual 19: i need glados to be my husband

mutual 20: visited the ocean today!!! <3 beach pics!!! there is a darkness growing within me

mutual 21: the forms for my legal name change came in. pls vote in this poll of what my middle name should be: Dill Pickle (Dickle for short), Optimus Prime, Tumblr User Gorgonicteratologist, Smeve

mutual 22: just finished my 100th book of the year! this weeks read was the uses of enchantment by the psychologist bruno bettelheim,

mutual 23: reeses penis butter cups lol

mutual 4: i need to hunt akio for sport

mutual 24: oouugghhrgh. hot. dog.

mutual 25: your favorite character or fictional other would want you to brush your teeth and wash your face so you're well rested and wake up feeling refreshed! make them proud!

mutual 26: being a delivery driver isnt the worst job ive ever had but i do keep wondering what itd be like to drive off into the wild blue yonder one day and not come back

mutual 27: weird dog? [phone picture of critically endangered stork]

mutual 28: i think the two phone line polls in front of my house are having a lovers tryst. no way to prove it tho

mutual 4: WHAT

mutual 29: while you bitches are balduring your gates or finalling those fantasies im doing what a REAL gamer does. playing a b tier rpg that came out in 2004 for the 18th time

mutual 30: ^ real. hamtaro ham ham heartbreak is a masterpiece of interactive art. im not even going to call it a video game at this point

mutual 4: THAT'S HOW IT ENDS?! ANTHY?

mutual 31: can you help me pick which drawing looks better: 34% overlay or 36% soft light?

mutual 32: new video essay out. its called disability in video game narratives: final fantasy 14's most reliable fault. i churned the script out over an all-nighter and my mic crapped out halfway through but by god i did it

mutual 33: my new zine bundle is out! if you buy it you also get a discount on all my game jam games! i really cant wait for you to play them!

mutual 4: yall should watch revolutionary girl utena

#cecil drawls #long post #i love you guys