#this is the second time ive ever heard there be noise in this neighborhood at night

[magnoliamyrrh]

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#this is the second time ive ever heard there be noise in this neighborhood at night #theres barely any during the day #and its....... a quran recitation? a sermon? nasheed? #?i can only catch words here and there #its echoing through the street #i was abt to fall asleep for a second i got confused as hell thinking i was in turkey and it was the adhan #hmm. its stopped now but it was beautiful #...... the crickets are Really loud tonight tho and theres so many of them #theres no masjid near here.. and its usually so quiet. too quiet. i wonder what it was

[baguettehead]

Quarry days

Stan Uris x they/them reader

warnings: some curse words, richie tozer, lil bit of angst, possibly based off of real situations, lil bit of Reddie ;)

Summary: You’ve always had a thing for the brown eyes and mop of curly hair, the voice that made you melt like a Popsicle, but what if you added in scheming friends, darkness, missing gas, and maybe a turtle.

_____________________________________________________

   You had known the losers since 6th grade. That was the year your parents decided to make the move from Michigan to Derry, Main. You moved around a lot, and you weren’t even an army brat, your parents just seemed to enjoy hopping from place to place. Your parents owned their own business, all the work was mostly online so it was pretty easy to just up and leave. You were born in Washington state, lived their for a while, then you lived in California for a few years, Colorado for a singular year, Michigan, and now the shithole that is Derry, Maine.

    You had no idea why your parents chose Derry, there really wasn’t much here. A few nice shops, a pretty decent arcade, old people with sticks up their butts, and what you thought to be a normal group of neighborhood bullies.

    When you moved to Derry you had no one, and at this point you didn’t care enough to try and make friends, you didn’t know if you were staying long. After an tantalizingly long day of being forcefully introduced to classmates and eating lunch alone, in the library, you honestly just wanted a nap.

  Leaving the school you were suddenly pushed into the wall next to you, your bag thrown off your shoulder, and coming face to face with the wonderful scent of vodka and utter shit. Must be Bowers. He held you by the shoulder of your shirt with his right hand and with his left he put his forearm on your neck, effectively trapping you to the wall

  This was your first encounter with the infamous gang, but you’d heard about them from the few conversations you’d had with kids in classes and passing periods. Let’s just say, he was as disgusting as you’d heard. Has he ever tried a toothbrush before??

  “Look at this” he spoke, looking back to his gang of douchbags “Fresh meat” his goons laughed a little while you just rolled your eyes, you’d dealt with your fare share of bullies and asshats that you simply couldn’t bring yourself to care anymore

 “look” you said in an exasperated sigh “i don’t have cash, my mom packs my lunch”

  “well then” Bowers said “you’ll just have to pay me in another way darling” a disgusting grin overtook his face and his goons began laugh and cheer like they just took a shit on the toilet for the first time

  “i’m good” you spoke calmly as you attempted to leave his grasp. Bowers just stared down at you confused for a second before he snapped back into action and held you a little tighter

 “it wasn’t a question” he seethed through closed teeth

 “and i wasn’t giving a suggestion dipshit”

 Henry’s jaw tightened and you could practically see the anger bubbling inside him while his group of misfit toys got real quite

“now listen here you little bit-”

“no you listen asshole” you cut him off  “i don’t have time to deal with insecure little boys who didn’t get mommy’s attention as a child and now take it out on all those around him” you spoke quickly faking a pout and slowly worming your way out of his grip “your just some stuck up prick who relishes in the hurt of others because you are so hurt that your deranged little brain finds pleasure making other miserable so that you can fake happiness. News flash, hurting others won’t make you happy, you’ll always be an attention deprived, whiny ass child who probably won’t live past their 30′s, will definitely have a substance abuse issue, and even as a 15 year old attempts to drown his sorrows in vodka and punching kids smaller than him for fun” you finished your little rant, taking in a short breath “now” you continued, marveling at the befuddled looks on all their faces “i have a can of pepper spray in my back pocket and if one of you little rascal looking ass children comes any closer i’ll mace you in the face. Got it”

 As soon as you finished you slipped from his grasp and starting running like hell towards your house. You could hear him screaming profanities, and you knew you were now on his hit list, but you really couldn’t find it in yourself to give a shit.

 Once you knew you were far enough, you knew he wouldn’t follow you but didn’t want to risk it, you sat on the curb to catch your breath. Almost immediately you saw 4 bikes coming around the corner, the occupants stopping in front of you and throwing their bikes down.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT WAS INCREDIBLE”  the one with coke bottle glasses screamed at you practically screamed at you, you returned a weak smile

“H-h-he’s gonna f-f-fu-fucking kill you” another rushed out

 You shrugged your shoulders “ive got a at least a few days” you told them “i wounded his masculinity, gotta build that back up” you muttered

 “I can’t believe you did that” the one with the fanny pack stated as he started to pace in front of you “i mean, now bowers and his whole gang are gonna be on your ass” he stopped in front of you and made direct eye contact “your gonna have to watch for him at all times” he deadpanned and you grimaced a little bit

“don’t worry” coke bottle glasses spoke up again “bowers is always on our asses so we can show you the best place to avoid him”

 “a-and the hallways to a-a-avoid h-him” the dirty blonde spoke up

you smiled up at them “i’d actually quite like that”

“Then welcome to the losers club y/n” the forth boy spoke up as he held his hand out for you, the one with curly hair and amazing eyes. You had him in two of classes and he always seems to catch your eye. You took his hand and he helped you off the curb before they gave you their unofficial, official, tour of the town.

 After that you were practically glued to the four boys, you did everything with them now. And if it wasn’t all of them, you were with at east one practically at all times.

You told them about your moving adventures, even opening up about your constant fear that your parents are gonna pack up and leave forcing you to leave them, and earning Richie’s nickname for you Cali. For some reason Richie couldn’t seem to let go of the fact that you lived in California, asking questions about it whenever there was downtime, and telling you about his dream of living there one day and making it big. You always told him that he could do it, because you truly believed he could.

Soon Bev, Mike, and Ben joined the group, making it 8. You gained your ‘secret’ clubhouse, and Bill, Mike, Stan, and Richie all got their licences.

 Now its junior year, you’ve made it almost 5 years in Derry, and you’ve gained the closed friends you’ve ever had

_________________________________________________

“You guys wanna go to the quarry after school?” Richie asked, his mouth half full of turkey sandwich and pretty much yelling over all the noise in the cafeteria. You shuddered and watched as Eddie slapped his shoulder and scolded him for talking with his mouth open, Rich pouting like a child. You loved watching them, a knowing smile on your face.  

 “sounds like fun” Bev voiced “y/n and i just went swimsuit shopping and they looked killer in their suit” she smirked at you from down the table while you blushed and rolled your eyes

“i mean i’d prefer to see the suit on the floor but whatever your comfortable with” Richie commented

you threw a baby carrot at his face, which he caught in his mouth promoting cheers from the others and for you to dissolve into laughter

“i is s-s-s-supposed to be like n-n-ninety degrees today” Bill added in

“oh fuck that” you groaned as you lent your head on stand shoulder next you and continued munching on your carrots, missing how he smiled down at you

“quarry it is!” Richie exclaimed before everyone else fell back into their conversations

“sooooo” you heard Stan draw out from above you, moving your head to look up at him but leaving it resting on his shoulder “will i get to see this new suit you apparently look amazing in?” he questioned while wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive way. You simply laughed, shoving his shoulder and telling him to shut up.

You’ve had a crush on Stan since 7th grade. You always thought he was attractive, like REALLY attractive, but after getting to know him and spending time together you knew you were fucked.

Bev has tried convincing you that he likes you back but, something in your brain just can’t accept it. She’s gone on and on about how ‘different’ he acts around you, how hes “not such a stuck up prick, he like, actually kinda nice and soft”, her words exactly. But, that was just the Stan you knew, the one you always saw. Caring, kind, funny, and enjoyable.

Bill drove you and Bev to her house, where your suits where from the last time you slept over like 4 days ago, and then took you both to the quarry. Once you got there you saw all the other cars and heard splashing and screaming.

“Those assholes went without us” Bev cried as she ripped the car door open, bolting for the cliff and immediately jumping off. You and Bill just laughed and sat there for a moment.

“r-ready m’lady?” Bill asked as he left the car and extended a hand for you

laughing, you took his hand “Of course good sir”

Bill was already in his trunks so after the short walk up the hill he plunged into the water , full cannonball, soaking almost everyone except Mike who swam out of the way. You watched from the top, laughing as they splashed each other back and forth. Sometimes it was nice to just watch their antics and relish in the moment.

“you coming sweet cheeks” Richie yelled up to effectively drawing every ones attention you

You blushed at the sudden attention “Whatever Tozier” you yelled back before you began stripping down to your swim suit.

Unbeknownst to you at the top of the cliff, you had some effect on poor Stan down in the water. He sat with his eyes glued to you as you exposed more and more skin. He’s seen you in a swimsuit before, hell he’s even seen you in your panties, but every time it still manages to make his mouth go dry and eyes widen.

“They’ll catch you drooling if you stare too long” Richie quipped with a smirk

“Shut it Tozier” he murmured lowering into the water to hide his blush right as you jumped from the cliff.

The eight of you spent hours in the water. Chicken fights, splash wars, and Richie attempting to dunk you, Bill even found a turtle which he claimed meant good luck. You only got out of the water for a bit to dry off before leaving. You and Bev lie on the rocks to dry off and maybe tan, that was, before Mike carried a bucket of water over and splashed you both with started yet another splash war. You finally got out when the sun started to set. You sat around and talked, told stories, before you had to leave. You were all still pretty wet but you didn’t care.

Stan had offered you a ride earlier and you happily agreed, knowing you’d get some alone time with him and ice cream if you begged hard enough.

You layed back on the rocks, to watch the sunset and see the stars starting to pop out.

“alright were heading out” Richie suddenly said

 Mike had already left, taking Ben with him due to their stricter curfews. But Rich was taking Eddie and Bill Bev.

“What, why?” Stan said, narrowing his eyes as if he knew they were plotting something

“j-just tired is all” Bill replied casually before he began walking to his car

“bye” Eddie chimed in

“Bye Edds!” you called back

“wait why can she call you that” Rich argued walking side by side with Eddie

“cause i actually like them” He replied casually with a shrug

Richie just huffed and pouted like a child before Eddie nudged his shoulder and he was all smiley again

“See you at school” Bev called, sending a wink in your direction which you replied to with an eye roll

As they walked towards their cars and began to drive away Stan turned towards you “That was suspicious right?”

“completely” you replied climbing down from the rock you previously lied on

“Okay good, it wasn’t just me” he said with a sigh

You laughed a bit “But when are they not suspicious?”

“You got me there” he said before he leaned back on the rock behind him

You crawled over to sit next to him, laying your head on his shoulder and just admiring the sunset. You both sat like that for a while, surrounded by comfortable silence.

One thing about Derry was that no matter how hot the days were the nights seemed to always be freezing, accompanied by wind. You crossed your arms over yourself in hopes of generating more body heat.

“Are you cold” Stan asked taking notice of your shivering form

“Just a bit” you answered not wanting to ruin the comfortable bubble you’d found yourselves in

“i have a blanket in my car” he started to stand up only for you to groan and cling on to his arm. Laughing, he sat back down and you cuddled into his side.

“you’ll catch a cold babe come on” you blushed at the pet name and melted even further into his side when he started combing through your hair with his fingers. Noticing that you weren’t going to budge he huffed a bit, though, he didn’t want to move either.

“I’ll get you ice cream” he sighed

You bounced up with a goofy grin on your face, pulling his hand towards the car

“Lets not waste time” you started “i’m in critical condition, need creamed ice immediately” you feigned sick with a hand to your forehead and pouty eyes. He only laughed, getting up and heading to the car, his hand never leaving yours as you walked to the car.

“what the fuck” he muttered as you reached the car

Tucked under the windshield wiper of his car was a note that said ‘use protection’, clearly in Richies handwriting, and a roll of condoms

You blushed lightly, giggling a bit. Stan looked to with a puzzled expression on his face “i don’t know” you shrugged trying to prove your innocence.

“I don’t understand half the things he does” you comment as you climb into the passengers seat

“does anyone?” he questions with a laugh

Stan throws the note and condoms into the center console before starting up the car. Your bouncing in your seat, the anticipation of ice cream making you giddy and Stan laughs at that. Well, the car doesn’t start. Stan tried multiple times, clearly getting frustrated

“uh Stan” you try and grab his attention, it works, anytime you talk Stan always has his full attention on you. You point towards the gas meter, which displays empty.

 “I literally got fucking gas on the way here what the fuck” he exclaims as he gets out of the car, you follow. You see him stop and stare at the gas tank opening

“what?” you question before reaching the other side of the car and falling silent

Right below the gas tank, on the ground, lays a rubber pipe.

“Did they fucking siphon my gas?!” He yells

You stand there for a moment longer, staring at the gas lined pipe, before you break out into hysterical laughter. The pure kind that comes from the belly and leaves you gasping for air with side cramps

“its not funny” he yells

you try to talk but it just dissolves into more hysterics and soon enough Stan is laughing with you, your laugh is just contagious and your radiant smile that could light up the entire galaxy never fail to make him follow along.

After you both calm down, clutching your bellies, you break the silence

“so, what do we do now?” you look over to Stan who’s sitting next to you on the curb

“i guess i’ll call Rich and have him come pick us up” you nod

He stands up, pulling out his phone and calling Rich. You sort of zone out, guess you were more tired than you thought, but your brought back to earth by Stan yelling into the phone. All you could catch was

“what?! No! Hey no no no” and “Fucking asshole” as he ended the call. You new what was coming but you asked anyways

“so?”

“He said hes not coming” Stan sighed in defeat as he sat next to you and lied his head on your shoulder. Your hand immediately immersed itself in his hair, gently scratching his scalp and brushing through his curls. You sighed wondering how the fuck you were gonna get out of this one.

“what about Mike and Bill?” you questioned

“in on it” he sighed out and you hummed in response. You both sat there for a moment, in comfortable silence, trying to calm Stan down.

“did he say anything els-”

“do you like me?” Stan’s head rose from your shoulder, looking you in the eyes and cutting off your sentence. You felt your mouth go dry, eyes widening, cheeks getting hot and probably bright red.

“i- uh- well” you stuttered out, really having no clue how to answer that question

“I mean” he started, sighing and nervously running a hand through his head of wild curls “not in a …. friends way” he finished slowly, meeting your eyes

He had a blush of his own covering his cheeks and his marvelous brown eyes danced all over your face as if looking for the answer there. You sat there staring at him for what felt like forever, running over your choices. Just as the though of running away and joining the circus came into your mind you felt a surge of confidence and smashed your lips into his.

He tasted like mint, salt, and something you could only describe as Stan.

Your lips moved together perfectly, dancing around each other in the best dance you’d ever preformed. Teeth hitting teeth as the years of desperation and pining were finally put to a rest. His arms snaked around your waist, pulling you into his lap to straddle him, as yours wound around his neck and wove into his hair.

You both pulled away panting. His lips barely leaving yours, still ghosting over them like a precursor for whats to come. You stared into his eyes, you could get lost in those brown orbs so easily, drowning hopelessly in their beauty and dying happily. Stan was the first to break the silence

“yes?” he questioned

you threw your head back and laughed heartily. The sight alone made him melt in your hands and the sound dug his grave. The brilliant smile you flashed him afterwards felt like the afterlife and when you leaned down to capture his lips one again he knew he was in heaven.

“yes” you breathed as you pulled away from him, as difficult as it was

Stan smiled so brightly and let out a little cheer before falling right back into your lips and kissing you more passionately than anyone ever has and you doubt anyone ever will. There you sat, Straddling Stanley Uris in an empty parking and kissing him until you were gasping for breath.

You pulled away from Stan, leaning your forehead on his, pressed into his chest, barely inches away. He leaned up and peppered your face in small kissing causing you to break into giggles.

“I love you y/n y/l/n” he spoke softly into the night air

You stared into his chocolate eyes, in complete euphoria

“I love you too Stanley Uris” you told him with the most confidence you have ever had in a statement.

#it #it cast #stanley uris #it book #it movie #stanley uris x reader #x reader #reader x stanley uris #stan the man #it fic

[akvtsuki-ari]

A Study In Body Language: iv. yours truly

Warnings: mentions of rehab, but for the most part none! 

Length: 5.5k

Authors Note: This is the happiest chapter so far, and theres a few perspective jumps but they’re not too hard to follow. i love this fic, but the last chapter is next and shit is emotional. be ready and thank you all

Plot Summary: Spencer Reid comes to some scary conclusions about what that gnawing feeling is. The universe knows a lot of things the two of you don’t

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 

Reccomend this song to listen to this while reading!

"Well, Spencer - remember you are always welcome back here but I think, for now, you have some folks waiting for you outside. Congratulations and many blessings,"

Spencer smiles at her, her name was Diane. She didn't remind him of his mother but she was nice all the same, curly hair and dark skin and kind eyes. No, she didn't make him think of his mom but she certainly made him think of you - and so Spencer smiles at her fondly and wishes her goodbye.

He'd technically been outside in the last 60 days, but only technically. This was the first time he'd actually been outside, just to be outside and not because his therapist recommended fresh air. He could feel the cool wind presses kisses to the nape of his neck, intertwine with his fingers as the sun brushed his skin. He could feel everything - and it was so much and so little at once but he was so grateful. He couldn't stop smiling, the second he went outside, he just couldn't stop smiling.

JJ hugs him first. She's warm, her arms are small and they hold onto him tight. She's crying and says hello and Spencer says hello back. Next is Penelope, who also cries and hugs him tighter. Emily, then Derek, then Rossi and lastly, Hotch - who gave him the proud fatherly smile that only he knows to give.

It was only missing you, and even though you told him you couldn't go to pick him up - he finds himself so disappointed. He's deflated but decides he can mope later.

"We're so proud of you, Spencer," JJs voice is shaky and a little hurt. Spencer smiles down at his shoes and nods.

"Thank you, all of you for supporting me," Spencer says honestly. Everyone gives him a soft look.

"It's nothing kid," Morgan says first. The whole team nods in agreement. Spencer can't stop smiling it seems.

"Let's get you home," Rossi's voice is smooth as he speaks, everyone walking towards the SUV. Spencer looks back onto the concrete building with an odd fondness. It's a surprisingly difficult goodbye, but it's the most important one he's had second to yours. So, he says bye - hoping to say an important hello to you soon.

_____

The headstone was something he would've liked. Every time you look at it, you can see that he'd like it even if he pretended not to at first. You chuckle for a few seconds, the flowers and the ridiculous cherry blossom tree that's been here for as long as you can remember, it's beautiful and unfitting. He's dead, and that's that and it should feel - well, it should feel more important shouldn't it? But it's all so indifferent. It's all so much nothing, and didn't mean as much as it should've but who's to say right?

You wish you were crying. But you weren't, you were just looking. Tears fall, slowly if at all while you just take it in. You were alone before but it's different this time. In the whole world, there's no one who can really claim you as blood. It doesn't hurt but it's strange to remember. When the cherry blossoms fall onto his grave you don't resent them. He was neglectful at worst so in a way, you don't resent him either. It was all over now, whatever happened between the both of you had simply ceased and it felt like it was time for the next chapter. It'd take a while before things settled again, but that's okay.

"You've been staring awful long," your boyfriend's voice is comforting. It was familiar and when you heard it, you felt calm. You turn around and give him a light kiss which he returns to you, and then the both of you just stand.

"Guess so," you managed to mumble our. His arms around your shoulder as he hugs you tight and the gesture is friendly. Most of your interactions were, intimacy only heightened enough to be dating, really.

"You ready to head to the airport," his voice is more a statement than anything.

"Yeah, Jay - I'm ready," you say softly. He squeezes your hand as he leads you away to the rental car.

_____

Spencer doesn't know if he recognizes the office much these days. It might be a little easier if you were there - and you would be soon. For now, it was a familiar and worn place. Full of tattered and unclosed edges, and long nights that seemed to settle inside him forever. Spencer wasn't unhappy there, he just didn't know what to make of things yet, worried that time would've changed his mind.

He sits at his desk, the team chattering away while Spencer patiently waits on your arrival. You spent 60 days taking care of your father and your neighborhood. You called him, and wrote him letters at times because you know he loved to write back. Somehow you managed to care for him so far away - and any breakthroughs he had was because you kept pushing him to move forward. Spencer just wanted to show you he was good, more than good — he wants to finally be able to say thank you. After all this time, he feels like he owes you that much.

When you walk out of the elevator door, Spencer is the first person to hear you. It's the weight of your walk that he'd become so attuned to, the sound of your shoes hitting the floor that he knew so well. He didn't have to pause to make sure because he just knew. No doubts in his mind, like he'd memorized your white noise so well it'd be ingrained in him forever.

After 60 days, you were the only thing more refreshing that being outside.

The team says something, but it's distant to Spencers ears as he gets up from his desk and walks up to you. It was that feeling again - that the two of you were the only two people on Earth. Spencer can't bring himself for formalities - so when he sees you, and he hugs you so tight you might break, you get it.

You hug him just as tight back. This is the strongest hug he's ever given you but it's not about the physicality. You could feel the happiness on his skin - something that was usually always in glimpses was now in full bloom. You hug Spencer so tight that he's all you can feel. It didn't matter what the universe had to say.

The whole team is stunned into silence - because the last they all remember the two of you couldn't stand each other. But, here you two were, holding the other so closely as if no one was there at all. You wanted to see them, and so did Spencer but this was different. It had to happen first - so the team just gave eachother side glances and watched the two of you.

When you pull back, you look up into Spencer's eyes and put a hand on the side of his face. The team steps back as they watch - they swear you two are gonna kiss but you don't. You just look into his eyes so deeply you can see into his mind and he lets you. Spencer doesn't let anyone do that, but he lets you.

"Hey, dickhead," You say first breaking the silence. Spencer lets out a wonderful laugh, truly jubilant.

"Hey there, lady," Spencer says cheeky. He called you that because he knew how much it annoyed you - when people called you a lady of any kind, went back to being discplined as a kid. You hit his chest, eyes squinted as he laughs. The team just watches in awe as the both of you look at each other so intently - all of them waiting for something more to happen but it doesn't. Neither of you seem to care to explain what went on, and it becomes more apparent as the seconds pass that it wasn't weird to either of you. Did you two think they wouldn't notice or was this legitimate ignorance, no one had decided yet.

"Move so I can go say hi to the team, stupid," you say sarcastically yet lightheartedly. Spencer laughs , continuing to block your vision.

"They can say hi from here," Spencer insists, letting you out of a hug as he moves his body to block your vision. You give him a shove which he fake whines at and you laugh again.

"Hey everyone," You say first. Suddenly your aware of everyones expression, all equally as perplexed. You look back at them just as confused as all of you stand still, just looking at the other party with an odd suspicion. Your facial expression is truly befuddled so the team figures that you two were actually just unaware of how strange all that was. No one says anything, instead all opting to shake it off as people start to give you hugs one by one.

"Oh I've missed you so much, beloved Y/N," Penelope is the first person to hug you, everyone silently appreciating the work she's doing. You smile, returning her affectionate gesture before going back down the line of people. Hotch hugs you last, giving you a knowing look. You just shrug your shoulders, softly smiling at him while shaking your head. He blinks in acknowledgement before things can go any further.  You simply shake your head at him back and he gives you  a gesure, like we'll talk about it later.                        

"I've missed you guys too," your voice is sincere as you speak to all of them but your eyes naturally find themself to Spencer. He gives you an encouraging smile that you return shyly and the whole team pretends not to catch wind of it.

"Hotch," Rossis voice cuts through the room for a moment. Hotch looks at Rossi with a questioning look.

"Do we have a case today?,"

Hotch shakes his head, brows furrowed as Rossi continues.

"Well the, if everyones free - I think it's long overdue we have some celebrations for both of you," Rossi annouces. The team lets out a string of celebratory noise but you're confused - unsure as to why they were celebrating you. You were off-grid for the last few months, so they couldn't have known about what you had been doing. A sixth sense went off in your head as you looked over to Penelope who was definitely avoiding eye contact now. You wanna roll your eyes but who could ever be really angry at Garcia of all people?

"Now wait - I know why we're celebrating this dickhead over here," you say looking to Spencer "but, why would we be celebrating me at this occasion?," You said suspiciously. The whole team looked at Garcia, who immediately folded under the weight of all that pressure. You gave her a look of faux annoyance as she spoke quickly.

"I know you said you were supposed to be off-the-grid, but I worry okay? And when I worry, you know what I do? Well, other than watch cute videos of bird doing tricks -"

"Birds can do tricks?," JJ asks laughing.

"Birds are extremely intelligent creatures - they display traits like good memory, extensive communication, the ability to plan ahead, among other things that we associate primarily with intelligence. They're also able to complete problems and task that are far beyond that of what we'd call animal instinct, so it's actually very easy to teach birds to do tricks," Spencer says anecdotally. Your eyes fill with affection as you hear him talk and he manages to give you a shy smile back. Emily looks incredulously at the rest of the team but they all shake their head, telling her to leave it.

"Yes, birds can do tricks. Now as I was saying - when I worry I go and do research so I started digging, not to intrude - just to make sure you were okay you know and I found that you'd been fundraising all that money for kids in your neighboorhood and I got so excited because that's so lovely, you know? You're so lovely and I love you," Garcia says rambling. You can't help but smile at her, looking down at your shoes embarassed.

"Did you find anything else?"

"No no, I don't intrude remember - just saw you in the local paper with your apron and read the article about how you handmade all those desserts and it was just really heartwarming you know, good for the soul," Penelope explains dramatically. You laugh a little bit, scratching the back of your neck while your cheeks flush.

"Wouldn't take you for a baker, mama," Derek says laughing. You stick your tongue out him and Spencer ignores how jealousy floods in his chest. Weird.

"I learned from this woman named Miss Bell, she was like - the neighborhood auntie. Welcomed everyone in and taught me to bake so I'd have something to do when I got bored, instead of you know - get in trouble,"

"You were a troublemaker as a kid?," Emily asks surprised. You can't help your roar of laughter, your stomach hurt from how hard you were giggling.

"I would give baby Morgan a run for his goddamn money, let's just say that," you say sarcastically.

"That bad?," Rossi questions. You just nod, a smile painted on your face.

"Absolutely that bad,"

"You're a baker, and after all this time I haven't recieve a single cake - frankly Y/N, I'm devestated," Rossi says dramatically. The whole team laughs as you shake your head.

"Give me a hall pass on being late tonight, and I can bring one in," you say, smiling. Rossi gives you a nod of approval.

"Now it's really a party,"

"Sure is. Spence, you wanna come over and come bake this cake with me?," You say, not really wanting to bake alone since your boyfriend was gonna be busy tonight. Spencer grins ear to ear.

"I'm definitely not gonna be very helpful, but yeah I'd love to," Spencer annouces. The team gives The Look™ to each other. Morgan rolls his eyes, speaking up first.

"I don't remember you and pretty boy being so cool last time we all saw eachother," Morgan annouces, pointing out to everyone else what was already obvious. You furrow your brows at him, Spencer doing the same. Were you two...? You two were definitely mirroring each other and didn't notice. Jesus.

"We kept running into each other after we took off for the first few weeks," It's not a lie, but it's not true either. Spencer gives you a mental high-five.

"Turns out we have a lot in common," Spencer adds, giving his tight-lipped smile (:]) to Morgan. Derek puts his hands up in defense

"Just curious," Morgan says, easing up. The both of you just look at each other briefly before looking away - neither of you has spoken about those two months since then and you certainly planned to keep it that way.

"We all deserve a break - and I'm happy to welcome both of you back. So go home, wind down, and get ready. I'll see you all at the party,"  Hotch annouces, basically telling everyone to fuck off and go home. You look at Spencer, making sure he's following you as you walk into the elevator and down into the parking lot.

___

"Whose this again?," Spencer asks, yelling over the speakers a bit as you mix in some sprinkles for the batter of your cake. You twirl around to the sound of Artic Monkeys playing in your kitchen. The oven makes a little beep sound to tell you it's pre-heated and you flash Spencer a grin as you mouth the lyrics

"Artic Monkeys!," You say, pouring your batter into greased up pans, as Spencer sits next to you on the kitchen counter. You groove to the music, singing the lyrics with a faux-british accent.

"And I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I wanna be ! And satisfaction feels like a distant memory ~" you laugh aloud as you sing the lyrics of the song. Spencer watches you carefully, seeing the way you sway your hips to the music - closing your eyes and getting visbly excited when a part you like comes on. The whole thing was so domestic, you alone in your kitchen with Spencer singing your favorite song. It was invitng, and cozy. It was different.

In the months you and Spencer could only talk through letters and phone calls - all your conversations started to be more meaningful in the way only subtext could make it. Intimacy can't be represented by touches, most days. There's more intimacy in moments like these - jokes whispered to each other at serious events and little lingering looks. You were both so oblivious, and maybe that's why it works. Those conversations shared over a secret so powerful - you'd be foolish to not know someone could fall in love off that.

No harm, no foul. If no one knows - not even you two, the universe could remain in tact. Otherwise, it was likely that both of you were soon to be unraveled. It wasn't for either of you to decide but - Spencer keeps having this nagging feeling.

He hasn't had it since you told him you had a boyfriend - he managed to deal with it just fine but it keeps coming to him. Sometimes at the end of phone calls, or when he'd finish writing letters. It was like anytime an ending crossed paths with him - he had this nagging feeling about making sure you would still be there. Maybe it was the addiction talking, the fear of being alone again but it just felt different. He couldn't be sure why.

"Alright - cake is in the oven. I gotta go get ready, can you take it out and cool it down when it's done? I'll frost it once I'm dressed," you say to Spencer, washing your hands under the sink. He just nods for you, giving you smile.

"You already know where everything is, and I have some of your stuff in my room from before so just grab anything you might need! Okay, gonna go shower," you say, shuffling into the bathroom before throwing your apron at him. Spencer chuckles before catching it - watching as you scurry away into the bathroom.

Spencer sits on your couch when you leave. He hears you sing in the shower and can't contain his giggle. He's reading, a book that his mom recommended to him forever ago that he never got around to. He'd probably finish in the time that you'd come out, he figures.

It's silent for a while. Spencer reads and you shower, and the apartment is filled with a pleasant sense of the evening. It's nice to be here, kind of like before but Spencer shakes the thought out of his mind before wiping his face.

His ears become alert to the sound of the key unlocking, and before he panics too much he reminds himself you gave your boyfriend a key to your place recently. Spencer sighs as he sees him walk in the door and gives him a small wave. Jay smiles at him brightly, going up to Spencer with a welcoming look.

"Spencer, right? Good to meet you, man! I've heard so much about you, it doesn't feel like the first time, heh," your boyfriend repeats to him. Spencer laugh, shaking his hand.

"I hope all good things," Spencer says quietly, chuckling. Your boyfriend gives him a pat on the back before going to the kitchen. He peers at the cake on the counter and smiles at it, before looking up at Spencer again. He has a knowing smile written on his face, opening his mouth to talk to Spencer.

"Spencer, you're a good man, you know that right?,"

Spencer looks up at him confused, eyes furrowed and nods slowly. He grabs his stuff out of the drawer of Y/N's apartment, just some tools he let her borrow a while back. He looks to Spencer and holds eye-contact before laughing. He's suprised that Spencer is just as oblivious as you, but he can't say it doesn't feel like destiny. He shoots Spencer a soft grin, shaking his head in the process.

"Remember to take care of Y/N, always - and remember you can always come to me if you need anything," his words are ominious and Spencer just shoots him a confused look before nodding. He beams at Spencer, tucking his tools away in his bag before giving Spencer.

"Tell Y/N I say hello! I'm gonna head back out," he calls out to Spencer. Spencer shouts back a goodbye as he hears the door shut close.

Like clockwork it feels like, you pop out of the bathroom fully dressed and ready to go. Spencer feels his heartbeat in his eardrums as his eyes fall onto your sihloutte, body adorned in a dress that managed to hug your body in all the prettiest ways. It was lavender, your make-up pretty golds and neautral browns - lashes long and fluttering against your eyes as you blink them getting re-adjusted to the feeling. You give Spencer a twirl, before smiling at him with a toothy grin.

"We match!," you're so genuinely excited as you see Spencer look down at his own attire. Your dress matches the lavender shirt that he liked so much. Spencer can't help the way his eyes flooded with endearment at your excitment.

"That dress is too pretty to frost a cake in, Y/N," Spencer says softly. He hears the sound of your feet pad on the floor, you haven't put your heels on yet. You walk over to the cake and grab a spatula and the frosting you had Spencer make earlier on.

"No dress is too pretty for cake, Spencer. How the hell do you think people get married?," You argue back, confidently. Spencer giggles at your comment but can't disagree. He walks up to you as you frost the cake. It's the firs time he's noticed how much taller he is then you. You seem so tiny now, he isn't sure what to make of it. He leans over your shoulder as you frost and stack the cakes up.

"Need any help?," Spencer inquires, throat closing up as he realizes the words that almost come out of his mouth. He nearly called you love - and it came out so easily he's startled. You shake your head no as Spencer finds himself dazed.

"With this? No. But you have to help me put my heels on because I can't get the clasp on them on right ever," you say softly. Spencer nods, looking for your shoes which he finds next to the futon he sat on earlier.

You finish frosting the cake before sitting down on the futon next to Spencer. He smiles at you, as he takes your shoes out of their box. You make eye-contact as Spencer holds your leg, easing your feet into the uncomfortable looking heels. You watch his as he works with the clasp of them, pulling the strap through and readjusting them so that their tight. The moment is too close for comfort but you'd be damned before you thought of moving. Spencers eyes find yours for a second as the two of you smile at eachother for a while. Spencer places a hand on your calf, and you place one of his face and it feels like those two blissful months. Still difficult, and heartwrenching but for different reasons that you couldn't be sure of yet.

"Ready to go?," Spencer asks, cutting the tension. You nod halfheartedly.

"Do I look okay?,"

Spencer pauses. He takes a deep breath before his eyes settle on your face, your shoulders, your hair. He takes you for a few seconds, before he replies.

"Perfect. You look perfect,"

__

Rossi really knew how to threw a party. It was mostly the team and their spouses collectively, but what it was lacking in size it up for in fancy decor and lighting. You can't imagine how long it took for him to set-up, feeling overwhelmed with just how nice everything looked.

You and Spencer sorta forgot that you two were the ones being celebrated, so when everyone popped over with gifts of all kinds and alcohol - it was a little overwhelming. Nonetheless, you felt grateful. You hadn't realized how much you missed being around the team until it hit you like this.

Most of the night was spent catching up - drinking and talking until the early hours of  the next day. You told everyone about how life was back home, what it was like to volunteer with all the kids and catch up on old folks. Everyone was surprised you ended up a fed, you were such a shithead kid they wouldn't have figured it otherwise. You told them about how they cleaned up the river you used to live next to, and about how the old shopping center closed down finally. You talked with them, drinking wine and laughing until the sun threatened to come up. You'd missed everyone so much, the sound of their laughter so soothing to your aching ears.

Spencer told them stories too, about all the things he saw  in rehab. He told them about the scheduling and all the paintings he did, about the different people he met who were all their own brand of strange. He told a ghost story that scared the shit out of you even though you'd heard it before. Everyone was together - joking with each other like tomorrow was unimportant.

All night was ephemeral. Sometimes certain thing exist to be just that - gone and back in a matter of seconds. Sometimes things that are so volatile in nature are the most lovely - and this night was the clearest example. It was all ending, the spark had gone out and everyone was about ready to call it quits.

"One last slow song, as requested by our lovely tech analyst," Rossi announces. Garcia lets our a drunken giggle as she whisks Morgan onto the dance floor.

You had been whisked away by Hotch and Spencer by Emily. You figure now was the time that Hotch was referring to as later. He leans into your ear and whispers.

"What happened?,"

The question is relative. It means a lot of things, like how are you and what happened when you disappeared for so many months, how will I explain all that to the people above me. Hotch knows, he always does, so when he asks you that - you know have to be totally honest.

"I can't disclose the first two months yet but you can write that I was taking care of my sick dad - he passed away when I was home," you explain softly. Hotch pulls away to look at you and you give him a sincere smile.

"I'm okay. I don't feel much, really. About him at least," You say, your word choice sticking out to Hotch as the two of you swayed to music. Hotch nods at your honesty.

"I'm glad you're okay, welcome back,"

"Thanks, Hotch. I didn't take you for a dancer," you say laughing quietly. Aaron shoots you a small smile.

"Hope you don't mind if I steal your dance partner real quick," comes Spencers voice. Hotch shakes his head, passing your hand off to Spencer whose quick to shoo Hotch away. He gives you a knowing look before he goes to talk to Rossi about what you could only assume to be a case.

"Hey, you," you say softly. Spencer hands find the lower part of your back, as he shuffles his feet. He holds you close as he sways to the music and you find your face instinctively in his chest. This was just comfortable, of course. Nothing more or less.

"I missed them," you speak first. Spencer holds you a little tighter before looking at you, as you looked up at him.

"Did you miss me?," he asks, tongue-in-cheek. You roll your eyes, laying back down as the two of you continue to sway.

"I alway miss you, dickhead,"

"Always?," Spencer asks you. He chews on the inside of his lips - the question was heavy though it stems form something else. That was always the case for you two it seemed. You hold your head up to see Spencer, look him in his eyes. You always looked into him, you felt the way his hands grip on your waist as if you were going to fall away and you just smile.

"Always, Spencer."

He gives you a small smile in return.

"Well that's good. I always miss you too and uh - didn't want it to be weird, you know," He says a little sarcastically. You try to control your laughter but it comes to you in fitst, breaking the lovely moment in the best way. Your heads thrown back as Spencer gives you a few laughs himself, he watches the way your hair falls behind you.  He's seen you laugh before, and maybe it's the sangria talking but this was different. You were laughing till your stomach hurt, wiping tears from underneath your eyes to prevent your makeup from smudging too much. The sound of your voice in his ears was sweet, so sweet it could rot all his teeth. The way your whole body relaxes him as you continue to let out soft giggles of appreciation, over a joke so simple. Spencer is smiling but he gets this feeling again. A gnawing one like he's gonna be sick.

And suddenly, so suddenly - Spencer gets it.

It's hard to describe the feeling that you're in love with someone. Every writer, story-teller, musician, poet - everyone has tried so hard to describe the feeling of falling in love. The act of falling in love is so convoluted, it nears fucking impossible. Spencer doesn't know if he can explain what it feels to know that you've fallen in love with someone who once to you was so impossible but he feels it. He feels it so much in every part of him he feels like he's gonna pass out.

For Spencer Reid, falling in love with you was like waking up. Just like waking up, because when Spencer Reid thought of you he thought of everything that might make tomorrow. For 60 days, he thought of you just waiting for the last tomorrow to see it. When we wake up, we are making a promise to live another - just to see what happens. When we wake up, we are promising the universe that we are going to try and give it another chance. When we wake up, we go to sleep trying to fall in love with the universe all over again. Dreams are a prophecy, but waking up was a promise. Spencer Reid realizing he's fallen in love with you was a promise to the universe that he would keep waking up - and when he was awake, he would go to sleep with intent to do it all over again. You weren't his oxygen, but you were all 5 of his senses. You were the thing that made him experience life because he wanted too. Spencer Reid spent so many fucking hours thinking about what it would be like if he just didn't wake up. He wondered what it would be like to dream of endless darkness for so long.

Spencer used to dream of endless darkness. He prayed for the abyss to swallow him in his sleep.

But then you came, and reminded Spencer to wake up. And suddenly, the darkness was gone and he was holding onto thoughts of you.

Spencer woke up, and pulled himself out of the darkness for you.

"Y/N," Spencer voice can only manage a whisper as he wakes your sleepy figure. You flutter your eyes up at him and Spencer looks at you with love. Love is written clearly on his expression but he doesn't know if you can see it. You smile at him and Spencer loves you. Spencer loves you so fucking much and he has no clue what to say, or how to say it yet and even though he doesn't know if it's necessary he feels it so much. He needs to tell you, just not yet.

"Yes?," your voice is small. Spencer pushes hair out of your face, your sleepy and buzzed face smiling at him. Spencer's heart aches. Spencer Reid heart aches for you, and only you.

"Wake up, it's time to go home,"

"Okay," you say sleepily. You tangle your hand in Spencer's hands and the whole universe falls beneath his feet.

What the fuck was he gonna do?

___

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[lumosinlove]

Sweater Weather

part iv

Remus hovered outside James and Lily’s house, waiting for Lily to answer the door and watching his cab drive away. Lily and James lived in one of the nice, private neighborhoods, not too far from Sirius and some of the other guys, but it meant a bit of a cab ride for Remus. He’d splurge though, for Lily.

The door swung open and Lily smiled, even if she did look a little frazzled. “Re.”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Hi, Lils.”

“Hi, hi. What’s up?” She reached and pulled him into a hug—a tight hug. “Come in?”

“Yeah. Hey, are you alright? I haven’t heard from you in a while. You seem…” Remus struggled to find the right word, but ended up settling for, “James is being weird.”

“Well, hello to you, too, Lupin.” James appeared at the bottom of one half of their twisting, grand staircase. He was in what Remus assumed was most of the guys’ uniform on their days off—sweatshirt, sweatpants, and socks. All Lions labeled.

Lily huffed, but smiled a little at James as he came over to wrap an arm around her.

“Isn’t he always being weird?” She leaned up for a quick kiss. “I want ice cream and I want to watch movies. James, shoo, Remus is mine for the day.”

James feigned offense for only a moment before grinning and giving Remus’ shoulder a little shove on his way to the kitchen. “See you in a bit, Loops.”

“Yeah. Hey, I hope your shoulder’s taped under there.”

“Of course it is,” James said, and crossed his fingers behind his retreating back where Remus could see. Remus laughed as he was tugged away by Lily.

Remus eyed her carefully as she looped their arms together, leaning her head on his shoulder and practically dragging him to her and James’ media viewing room. Something still seemed odd with her. The projector was already on and it looked like its last use went to James watching game tape.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Remus said.

Lily just looked at him, wide-eyed from where she was burrowing down in the many blankets on one of the huge couches, and Remus really knew something was up. First James at the dinner, now this.

“I’ll get the ice cream,” he said, half because he thought they’d need it, and half to give Lily a second.

“Yeah,” she said faintly, then groaned and face planted into the pillows.

James was still in the kitchen when Remus got back upstairs, seemingly fixing himself a sandwich for lunch. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Remus said hello.

“Jesus,” Remus laughed, “you just saw me. What’s up with you two?”

James laughed, but it wasn’t his normal one. He ran a hand through his hair, scrubbed it over his face, and then braced both arms on the kitchen island on either side of his sandwich fixings.

“No, sorry. I don’t know, I guess I was lost in thought. Or something.”

“Right.” Remus stooped to get the ice cream out of the refrigerator. He felt like James and Lily’s house was something like his second home, and there was nothing he was more grateful for than meeting Lily at that first pre-season barbecue. Remus had never really had that many fast friends, but him and Lily had talked all night. Remus thought she was part of the reason he was so close with James and all of the guys, unlike so many others on the Lions’ staff.

“Um” James cleared his throat, “so, what movie are you watching?”

“I don’t know yet.” Remus did look at James this time as he scooped chocolate brownie and mint into two bowls. “Pots.”

James looked up from where he was squirting mustard on his bread. James had his glasses on, the round ones that the boys made fun of on road trips. James wore them rarely, mostly when he needed a break from his contacts.

“Are you okay? Both of you, is everything…”

James swallowed a hard swallow and nodded, just a little. “I’m just gonna let Lils talk to you, alright? Don’t worry.”

Remus paused beside him, hand on the silverware drawer, “How am I suppose to not worry when you give me an answer like that?”

James picked up his plate and waved Remus off. “Your ice cream is melting.”

When Remus came back with his two generously portioned bowls, Lily was sitting back up and took one almost greedily.

“So.” Remus said, pushing his shoes off his feet with his toes and crossing his legs to face her, “Your boyfriend is remaining tight-lipped. What’s up?”

Lily just looked down at her ice cream, hair hanging so far over her face that it took Remus a good minute before he realized that her bottom lip was trembling.

“Lils, hey, hey…” His voice was nearly a coo as he took their bowls and set them just within reach on the table and scooted closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, “Lils…I’m sorry, I…” but Remus didn’t think it was him. He squeezed her gently, thumb rubbing over her shoulder. “What is it?”

“It’s—” Her voice broke and she sucked in a shaky breath.

Remus’ heart was suddenly in his throat again. Even if James hadn’t said anything, that didn’t mean… “I…Is it—are you and James…”

“No.” Lily gasped, even laughing a little as she wiped at her eyes, “God, no. James is perfect. We’re perfect. Fuck, I feel so stupid for even crying because it’s not actually—actually bad, I’m just—”

Lily looked up at Remus then, green eyes shining and bright. The tear tracks on her face made her many freckles look stark and beautiful. “I’m scared, Re.”

“Scared? What do you mea—” Remus’ breath cut off with his words. He glanced down at Lily’s stomach, noticing now that she had both arms carefully wrapped around it. Remus’ heart picked up and he looked back at Lily, wide-eyed. “You mean…”

“We didn’t—it was an accident, but…but we’re…”

“Happy.” Remus finished for her, feeling a smile start to cross his face.

Lily sniffled and then let out a half-laugh half-sob. “Yeah. Yeah, we are, but…you’re not freaked out? Like, we’re young—Fuck, he’s so focused on the team and he just got back from his concussion last year and he doesn’t need this right now—”

“Lily.”

Lily’s rambling cut off and she blinked at Remus, then groaned and put a large spoon of ice cream in her mouth. “What?”

“What do you want? Not worrying about anyone else. What do you want?”

This was suddenly so close to the conversation he had had with Sirius.

Lily was quiet for a moment. It didn’t seem like she was really thinking about it, exactly, more just taking her time with her words.

“I want this,” she finally said. Then she smiled a little, hand against her stomach, “more than that, I want—I want it with James.”

Remus had only just opened his mouth to respond when there was a sniffle from their right. They both looked, and Lily let out a tearful laugh because James was there, rubbing at his eyes behind his glasses, in the doorway.

“‘m not listening, I promise.” James said hoarsely, but he didn’t move.

“Oh, get over here, you idiot.” Lily said thickly, wiping her cheeks.

James smiled a little sheepishly and crouched in front of the couch between them, hand reaching out to take Lily’s and rub over her knuckles. “Feel better now?”

“Mhm.” Lily said, gazing at him.

Remus suddenly felt like a bit of an intruder on an important moment, but then James said, “Finally told your best friend. I told you it’d help. Remus is happy, isn’t he?”

“So. Extremely.” Remus said, arm still around Lily.

Maybe this special moment included him. By what James said, maybe, just maybe, even this little part of what was about to be a monumental part of their lives, was even about him.

“I think it’s a boy.” Lily suddenly gushed, cheeks pink from smiling. She did look like an entire weight had been lifted off of her shoulders.

“I think it’s a little soon to tell…or—how long has it been?” Remus asked.

“About four months,” Lily said. “we’ll be able to tell at my next appointment, that’s what the doctor said.”

James made a little noise and rested his cheek on her knee, grinning up at her. She smiled back, running her hand through his ever-messy dark hair.

“Who else knows?”

“Our parents obviously,” James said, “but from the organization, the team…”

“Just you,” Lily smiled at him.

Remus raised his eyebrows, “not even Sirius?”

James laughed, “he’s next. He’s my Remus to tell.”

Remus smiled. He liked that, the notion that Sirius was to James and he was to Lily. It made him feel more apart of the Lions than ever, left his chest warm.

The first road trip of the season was to New York to play the Rangers and Remus never sat down for more than a few minutes before a road trip. For the boys, on the other hand, everything stayed relatively regular paced. They went to practice, took pre-game naps, and played their heart out. Remus sharpened skates, made sure they had a good number of everyone’s sticks, kept track of the token and the pre-game kick around soccer ball. He brought the med-kits and the extra jerseys, the back up skates, and the back up skates for the back up skates. It was exhausting, which is probably why, when he fell into a chair in the Lions lounge with a coffee that evening, he didn’t register he wasn’t alone until he heard hushed tones coming from behind one of the taller chairs, dark leather and plush. Leo had taken to falling asleep in them, much to the delight of James and Kasey’s habit of taking embarrassing pictures and having them printed out to cover various parts of the lounge.

“Oui, maman, ma cheville…c’est bien,” Sirius said, voice low and somber, like every word was being dragged out of him.

Remus didn’t quite speak French, but he had taken a few courses in college, just to be able to talk to some of the French-Canadian guys on his team, and he registered that Sirius was talking about his ankle, saying it was fine. He registered that Sirius was talking to his mother.

Remus should move. He knew he should move.

“Je ne serai pas violent sans raison,” Sirius continued, then, after a pause, a little harsher, “Ce n’est pas une raison.”

Remus swallowed. Sirius’ mom was asking him to play dirty, to hit someone, maybe. God, Remus couldn’t imagine hearing that from a parent—

“Si ce n’était pas un accident…d’accord. Il est bas. Il est ignoble. Je n’est pas.”

Remus heart was in his throat. They had to be talking about Snape, and Sirius was—he was—

If it wasn’t an accident…okay. It’s a low blow, and he is low, ignoble. I am not.

Remus knew Sirius had it rough, but he was glad he could stand up for himself.

“D'accord, la prochaine fois que vous me verrez, vous pourrez me frapper tout ce que vous voudrez.”

Remus sat up then, gasped a little, and Sirius’ head poked out of his chair to see who it was. His eyes widened a little and he whipped his head back around and out of sight.

“I have to go,” he said in English, and then he was standing, facing Remus and sliding his phone in the pocket of his sweats. “Re.”

“I—I’m sorry,” Remus stuttered. “I didn’t really know anyone was in here, I was on my feet all day, I just was going to have my coffee and go—”

Sirius shook his head, shoving both of his hands into his pockets instead. “Re, I’m not mad. It’s fine.”

Remus didn’t know what to say, too focused on the sad tone of gray Sirius’ eyes.

Sirius just shrugged. “It’s not like it’s a secret.”

“That doesn’t make it okay,” Remus’ mouth blurted before he could really think twice about it. “Fuck. Sorry, that’s not my place at all.”

Sirius just shook his head again, head low. “I didn’t say it was okay. I—you know, I see Heather about it.”

Remus nodded. Heather, their sports psychologist. “That’s good, Sirius. A lot of guys wouldn’t do that.”

“Someone’s gotta be the example right?” Sirius pulled his hands free and shook them out, rolling his shoulders like he was trying to roll a weight off of them. “Or at least try to.”

Remus stood, too, took a step forward, because he wanted Sirius to listen to this. “You’re an amazing leader.”

Sirius froze up a little again after that. And it was quiet between them, just in the small space. Remus hadn’t exactly meant to get that close but…now Sirius’ eyes were flicking between his, his lips parted.

“Thank you,” Sirius said softly, then he licked his lips, his chest breathed in like he was going to—

“Boys,” Kasey banged on the doorframe a few times, as if he needed to alert his presence. Then again, Remus thought as he caught himself staring at Sirius’ mouth, maybe that was a good idea. “Coach says wheels up at ten AM sharp tomorrow.”

Sirius looked up. They took a step back at the same time and Remus took a long drink from his coffee.

“Sounds good, Kase, thanks.” Sirius said and pulled out his phone again. Remus went to turn, to go, when, “Need a ride, Remus?”

Sirius smiled at him, a slightly nervous, closed lip thing, “Or…veux-tu dîner?”

“Hungry?” Remus blurted, because it came to him faster than the word dinner and Sirius Black had just asked him if he wanted dinner, potentially with him.

A laugh burst out of Sirius, his eyes crinkled. “Oui.”

Remus loved the way Sirius said oui, loved the way all the French-Canadian guys said it—but especially Sirius. This drawn out sound that was almost twangy. It was lazy, confident, like they were sure of their answer, like they had already known the question before it had even been asked. Sirius sounded mostly Canadian when he spoke English, but it felt like that twang kept up in all of his words at least a bit. Sirius swung a little on his feet, hips dipping back and forth while he waited, hands in his pockets still. He tilted his head, puppyish.

Remus swallowed hard. “Yeah. Oui.” It didn’t sound nearly as good as it did in Sirius’ slight accent.

“Okay.” Sirius nodded, grinning. “We’re getting pizza, don’t tell anyone.”

“That’s not on your diet plan.”

Sirius swung around as he lead Remus out of the room, walking backwards, “Shh!”

“You have your first away game tomorrow night!”

Sirius just put his finger to his lips and beckoned him forward and back to the locker room to grab his stuff. “Meet me at the parking lot,” he said before disappearing inside.

Only, waiting at the door the players used gave Remus time to think. To dwell, really. He knew they’d be going to Sid’s for pizza—anyone in Gryffindor went to Sid’s—but he didn’t know anything after that.

“It’s just Sirius,” he mumbled under his breath to himself, then, “Sirius fucking Black, Sirius.”

“What?”

Remus turned sharply on his heel, “What?”

Sirius was standing there with his backpack slung over one shoulder. He pulled the door open and waving Remus through. “I thought you said my name.”

“No.” Remus shook his head, “No, no. So, none of the guys wanted to come?”

Sirius just sort of shrugged and instead of answering asked, “Where do you want to go?”

They looked at each other as they walked side by side. A hint of a smile started to form of Sirius’ face, and then they both nodded a little.

“Sid’s,” they said, and grinned.

“Of course,” Remus laughed, “where else?”

Sirius chirped his car and Remus climbed in, waiting for Sirius to stow his bag in the backseat. He climbed in and started the engine, turning around to back up, his arm going around the back of Remus’ seat. This close, Remus could see the few dark freckles that dotted his neck and the bit of collar bone revealed by the hem of his worn t-shirt. There was one just on the underside of his jaw, too.

Remus looked away, out the window at the fairly empty lot. “Hopefully we’ll get in.”

“Hopefully I don’t get mobbed, you mean.”

“That, too.” Remus conceded.

Sirius withdrew his hand from the seat but kept only one hand on the wheel, relaxed. “Busy day, huh? Excited for New York?”

“Always,” Remus said. “And that busy day is partly your fault.”

Sirius glanced at him for a second, then back at the road. “My fault?”

“You’re the one who needs your left skate to be sharpened first and from back to front. Sort of breaks up the process when you have to think about it.”

Sirius scoffed, but it took him one glance at Remus to realize he was laughing and he gave Remus a little shove in his passenger seat. “Fuck off.”

Remus felt warm from Sirius’ hand, “Your superstitions are ridiculous.”

Sirius flicked his blinker on with a little more flourish than necessary. “Excuse me, my superstitions work, thank you very much.”

“You mean you work. See, that’s the part I’ve never quite understood.”

“What part?”

Remus looked at Sirius—he might as well get an eyeful in while he had to be focused on the road. “Hockey’s so focused on superstitions. But it’s all you guys. You work hard, I watch you work hard everyday.”

Sirius nodded slowly, seemingly mulling it over in his mind. “Yeah,” he said, “but…it’s a little magic, too, don’t you think? The chemistry…the team chemistry, or the relationship to—I don’t know, luck. Lucky stick, lucky order, lucky way of taping. It’s all it is, really. I just—I’m just looking for a bit of luck. A lucky charm.”

“Nothing can be perfect. Not even honey and butter toast at 5:00 o’clock sharp.”

Sirius smiled, rolling his eyes a little, and Remus watched the way his eyes brightened, how he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Maybe. But it feels nice to have something constant when nothing else is.” He looked over at Remus and held his eye for a second. Remus felt a little bit caught. “You know?”

Remus watched Sirius pull his bottom lip between his teeth as he looked back to the road, taking the left for Sid’s parking lot. His chest felt tight.

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Yeah, alright. I’ll buy that.”

“Some guys wait a lifetime for their lucky charm, you know.”

Remus laughed. “Yeah, I’ve seen Leo and his lucky tennis balls. Yours will probably a lucky—I don’t know, brand of peanut butter. Let me know when you find it, alright?”

“Oh, I will.”

Sirius sent him a look as he pulled the car into park. A big smile and then ducked away, out of the car, and Remus was left staring at an empty seat before he got out, too.

Sid’s was crowded, as they expected, but the guy manning the front desks’ eyes went wide when he saw Sirius and they were ushered to a table in the back before too many Gryffindorians could realize who was among them. Remus was grateful for the privacy and the dim lighting. Now, if he made a fool of himself, no one would be around to watch and Sirius wouldn’t be able to quite catch the way his cheeks flamed.

“I could eat three pepperoni pizzas.” Sirius groaned as they sat down, gazing at the menu.

“I don’t really recommend that, but whatever floats your boat.”

Sirius scrunched his nose. “That will definitely sink my boat tomorrow.”

Remus shrugged, and picked out a small ham and pineapple pizza for himself. Sirius scoffed when he asked what Remus was getting.

“Dégueu.”

“It’s not gross!” Remus protested. “Have you ever actually tried it?”

Sirius sank guiltily in his seat, eyes innocent.

Remus flicked a straw at him from the canister at the table. He didn’t know what made him do it and he regretted it almost instantly. It felt—well, flirty.

Sirius’ eyes, however, lit up. He threw two back. Of course he did.

Once their pizzas arrived, Sid’s was in full swing and they had to lean in close over their food to hear each other. Sirius did the funny thing where he folded his pizza in half to eat it and he now had a little speck of grease below his lip. Remus was still deciding what to do about it.

“The guys really didn’t want to come?” Remus asked, just for something to say.

Sirius paused for a second, mid-chew, then wiped his mouth with his napkin. The small speck of grease was still there. Remus shifted in his seat.

“I guess not. The game tomorrow, maybe. Besides, sometimes small dinners are nice, eh?”

Remus nodded. “No, yeah. Yeah. This is—This is nice.”

Sirius smiled a little. “Good. I’m glad.”

Remus finally gave in. “Um. You have—” he motioned to Sirius’ mouth.

Sirius’ rolled his eyes a little, playfully at himself, and wiped his mouth. “Better?”

“Not quite.” Remus’ hand itched.

“Now?”

“No, um. It’s just—here, I…” He started to reach forward before he could really think about it.

And Sirius jolted back.

They stared at each other, Remus’ hand slowly lowering back to his lap.

Remus didn’t want to think about that, what all of that might mean, and so he touched his own lip instead and said quietly, “here,” then he nodded and looked down at his pizza, busying himself with tearing a new slice, “yeah, you got it.”

“Remus.”

“Hm?”

When Remus looked up Sirius’ eyes were sad, even a little panicked.

“What’s wrong?” Remus asked, trying his best to sound like he couldn’t fathom that anything from the last minute could have upset either of them. It sat heavy in his stomach.

“Just…pictures.” Sirius said, “Not—It’s just that anything can be taken out of context, and…”

Remus nodded. He knew that already. He knew what it could look like, especially with the scrutiny Sirius was constantly under by the public eye. Especially now, at the start of the season.

“Yeah, all good, Pads.”

But Sirius still looked incredibly guilty, his eyes pleading for something that Remus couldn’t name. That Remus thought it wasn’t really fair of Sirius to ask him to be able to name.

When Sirius just kept looking at him, Remus rolled his eyes. “Sirius, it’s fine. I know what you mean. It isn’t a big deal.”

“It’s not?” Sirius asked. His expression had turned careful, questioning.

Remus shook his head and bit into his pizza slice, mostly so he didn’t have to answer. He wished he had never done anything at all. He shouldn’t even have agreed to come to dinner. Remus had feelings, Sirius didn’t. Remus was gay, there were no openly gay players in the NHL, and that was probably because being the first one would be so difficult. Sirius wasn’t, anyway, but even if he was, Remus had taught himself not to hope for anything a long time ago.

The rest of the dinner was a little weird, stilted, maybe, and Remus was reluctant to get out of Sirius’ car, which had just pulled up at his curb, on such a note. Sirius seemed reluctant to let him, and turned his entire body towards Remus.

“Look. I know I keep bringing it up, but, about the—the thing. It’s not that I have a problem with anything like that. I don’t. I really, really don’t. Whoever loves whoever, I’m for it.”

“I didn’t think you did,” Remus replied, trying to steady his breathing. This was getting a little too close for comfort.

“I wouldn’t want you thinking that about me. I’m not my parents.”

Remus looked back at him. His face was lit blue from the dashboard in the dark. His eyes took on the color and looked strange and earnest. Remus wanted to reach out, but he didn’t know when he’d next have the courage—not for a while. “Sirius, I don’t know your parents. I know you. I know you aren’t like that.”

It was true. But Remus still couldn’t bring himself to say more. To say that he would be Sirius’, if he ever, in some universe, this one or otherwise, wanted that.

The car got silent again, but Remus didn’t look away. If there was anything he could give Sirius, if not himself, it was reassurance and friendship.

Sirius let out a long breath, pinching the bridge of his nose between his eyes. “I’m sorry I ruined dinner.”

“You’d be stupid if you weren’t jumpy about cameras. It sucks but it’s part of who you chose to be. I get it, really. Please don’t worry.” Remus tried to offer him a little smile. “It wasn’t—It wasn’t even like that anyway, so it’s not like you hurt my feelings or anything.”

It was a lie, straight through his fucking teeth, but it had to be said. But, contrary to what he expected, Remus watched as Sirius’ shoulders stiffened.

There was a hanging moment where Remus held his breath, sure Sirius was about to say something—something—

“Ten tomorrow?” Sirius straightened, chewing on his bottom lip. “Do you need a ride?”

Remus felt like there was no air left for him in the car and he cracked the door, slipping out onto the sidewalk. “Moody’s got me.”

Sirius nodded, “Okay.”

“Okay.”

Sirius smiled, tight around the eyes, and Remus had no clue how to fix anything. “Night, Re.”

Sirius drove away slowly, like he was looking back at Remus in his mirror, rather than the road.

“Night,” Remus said to the street.

~

Remus felt like he was nearly going to fall asleep in the elevator of their New York hotel. It was three in the morning, the Lions had lost 4-0 to the Rangers and Remus had only just finished helping the equipment staff re-load all the Lions gear back into the trucks, ready to be flown out in the morning with the rest of the team. It had been a tough game. They’d had to swap Leo in for Kasey in goal during the first period. It turned out Kasey had hurt his thigh again in practice and he was day-to-day. And Leo, in his first NHL game, had let four goals in while Henrik Lundqvist had gotten a shut out.

Remus had seen Sirius earlier in the locker room talking to him quietly, but tonight was bound to sting for a bit for all of them. After a blinding start to the season, it never felt good to fall so far.

The door dinged, but it took Remus a minute to open his eyes.

“Loops! Asleep in the elevator! Alert! Alert!”

“James—shh! Jesus fucking Christ.”

Remus snapped his eyes open to see James, Kasey, and Sirius standing there, all with what looked like m&ms and potato chips in their hands. James was grinning, Kasey was yawning and favoring his good leg, and Sirius was looking down.

Sirius hadn’t really looked straight at Remus since that night at Sid’s pizza a few days ago.

“What are you guys doing up? It’s three in the fucking morning.”

“Day off tomorrow. Just a plane ride, we can sleep then. Plus…”

James didn’t say it, but Remus nodded, knowing what he meant. It was hard to sleep after a loss. Remus could remember that from college.

“Right, well,” Remus caught the slowly closing door, “get in or take the stairs, I’m exhausted.”

They were all going to the team’s floor and Remus let himself settle against one side of the elevator while the others talked. He looked up and met Sirius’ eyes, who was leaning against the other wall while James and Kasey argued loudly, echoing in the small space. Sirius didn’t look away, but didn’t really smile either. Remus raised an eyebrow, and Sirius tilting his head.

“What?” Remus mouthed silently.

Sirius shrugged one shoulder, then waved one hand, just a little, so the others wouldn’t see.

Remus’ brow furrowed, but he waved back. Then Sirius looked away.

Fuck. Remus just wanted to go to bed.

“Night, boys,” he said when the doors opened and they all stopped at James’ door.

There was a chorus of good nights and Remus was just sliding his key card into the door when there was a hand on his shoulder. He turned into it, and Sirius was there, looming over him.

“I—hi?” Remus said.

“Hi,” Sirius looked back down at the hall where the door to James’ room had just closed behind the others, then back at Remus, “Do you—Do you want company? Or—Or you’re going to bed. You’re going to bed.”

Remus studied Sirius’ face carefully. He had said that, if Sirius needed him, he’d be here, and Remus couldn’t deny that there were few things he wanted more in life than to be there for Sirius, no matter what he had done or assumed. And Sirius obviously needed something, or at least felt like something was unresolved between them. Maybe if Remus let him in, he would finally drop it and they could go back to how it was.  A little distant, but friendly. That, at least, was better than this.

Remus motioned him in with a jerk of his chin, “Come on. We’ll watch something, get you wound down. Give me those skittles if I’m going to stay awake.”

Sirius handed them over readily, like they were his ticket inside Remus’ room, and shut the door behind them.

“I’m going to take a quick shower, if you don’t mind,” Remus said, already walking towards the bathroom, “Make yourself comfortable.”

“Thanks,” Sirius said faintly.

Remus shot him a smile that he hoped was comforting before shutting the bathroom door. He let out a long breath and started the water before stripping. Having Sirius Black waiting for him on a bed would get him moving quick enough, not that he took very long showers to begin with. This was like some strange fantasy of his come to life—except, well, they wouldn’t be…

Remus huffed and stepped under the spray, grabbing for the shampoo bottle.

He realized only he was towel drying his hair that he hadn’t thought to bring an extra set of clothes into the bathroom with him and froze mid-rub, looking at himself in the mirror, wide-eyed.

“Fuck,” he said quietly, and turned to stare at the door. He could faintly hear the TV.

He wrapped the towel around his waist, making sure it was secure before opening the door. It wasn’t anything Sirius hadn’t seen before. Naked guys, that is, not Remus naked.

“Hey, sorry, forgot to get clothes before…yeah.”

Sirius had kicked his shoes off  and was stretched out on the bed. He’d piled the pillows behind him and his shirt was hitched up on one side. Remus could see his flat, toned stomach. Sirius’ eyes found Remus in the dim room. His face was all soft angles in the flickering light from the TV. Sirius licked his lips, and then looked away. “s’okay.”

He still sounded unbearably sad and as Remus turned away he frowned, mentally planning his words instead of focusing on the fact that he was currently about to drop his towel and reveal his bare ass to Sirius Black, captain of the Gryffindor Lions.

He did it quickly, boxers at the ready, and soon he was in his sweatpants and pulling a sweatshirt over his head. He hesitated at the edge of the bed, and Sirius looked up at him.

“What?” Sirius asked. His voice sounded sleepy and content, much better than it had in the hall, tight and strained.

“Nothing,” Remus cleared his throat, then knelt on the bed, “You’re hogging the pillows.” He reached and tugged two out from Sirius’ mass.

It startled a small laugh out of Sirius, “Oh, sorry.”

Remus arranged the pillows to his liking, careful not to get too close to Sirius. “What are you watching?” he asked with a sigh as he flopped onto his back, “Fuck, that feels good.”

Sirius shrugged, “Just turned it on. You okay?”

“Yeah, just lots of loading and unloading today. My back is tired.”

Sirius hummed. “You guys work hard.”

Remus looked over at him. “So do you, just at different times.”

Sirius was flipping his phone idly in his hand. “Just giving you the credit you deserve.”

Remus smiled a little. “Yeah, I know.”

Sirius missed and dropped his phone on his chest with a little oof and it turned into a heavy sigh.

“Okay?” Remus asked quietly. He didn’t want to push too hard, but…

Sirius sighed. “I should be okay.”

“But you aren’t.”

“It’s one game.” Sirius let his head fall back and stared up at the ceiling. “It’s the beginning of the fucking season everything is fine.”

Sirius turned his head. Part of his cheek was smushed against the pillow and his eyes were somber on Remus. “And I shouldn’t even be dumping this on you. You’re tired, and this isn’t even a real problem, and I’m just—I’m being stupid and I can do better.”

“That’s not how it works.”

Sirius closed his eyes and sighed again. “I know that.”

“You have a team, Sirius.” Remus said gently, “It’s not just you.”

“I know.” Sirius’ voice was even softer this time and, looking at him, eyes closed, brow drawn together…

Remus wanted to kiss him. So much.

“I think you need to get some sleep.”

Sirius’ eyes opened tiredly at Remus’ words, his blinks slow, and he nodded. “I’ll just lay there. I hate just laying there, in the dark.”

Remus’ heart pulled as the words brought to mind a much younger Sirius, with no escape from the pressure, laying in a smaller bed staring up into the dark.

Remus picked up the remote and flipped until he found a cooking show. Mindless, comforting.

“Well watch a bit, eh? Take your mind off of some of it. I’m just warning you, I might fall asleep. But…I’ll be here. If you need me. Just wake me up, I don’t care.” I care too much.

Sirius’ eyebrows were still low and worried, but he was looking at Remus with something like disbelief. “Thanks, Loops.”

Remus nodded and kicked back against the pillows, the bed jostling as Sirius did the same. They ended up with their shoulders brushing despite the size of the bed. Remus didn’t know why, but from this distance he could feel Sirius’ warmth. It wasn’t just another weight in the bed, it was a person, close by. It was Sirius’ even breathing, the sound of him fiddling with the draw strings of his sweatshirt.

Remus wasn’t sure when his eyes closed, but with the soft sound of the TV and Sirius beside him, he’d never fallen asleep faster.

#sweater weather #sirius black #remus lupin #sirius x remus #remus x sirius #hockey!au #hockey player!sirius #the marauders era #sirius/remus #remus/sirius #wolfstar #wolfstar fic #wolfstar fanfiction #lumosinlove #writing #wolfstar fluff #wofstar angst #wolfstar au

[emybain]

Rainy Day

i tried posting this earlier but tumblr was a butt and deleted it so here’s a second go. there’s angst but at least there’s some nodrian. this is also part of the au where nova’s family lives:) im posting from my phone and ive never done that before so if something weird happens let me know. just some background (as i forget to explain my hcs for this au 95% of the time): the anarchists want nova to join them bc they know she’s powerful. they contact her and confront her on the streets and stuff. no one knows but nova, and since this started, she’s sickened and scared bc she sometimes agrees with some of their points against the renegades. she’s terrified bc they (*cough* Ingrid) vaguely threaten her and her loved ones. she’s also scared of what could happen if it gets out. we LOVE living in the spotlight bc we have an infamous uncle! hope y’all enjoy:D

_________

It was pouring outside, much to Nova’s luck. She only prayed that she wouldn’t crash her car in this weather; she wasn’t even sure if she had grabbed her wallet in her hurry to leave her house.

She couldn’t go back after this. Her parents were done. Disappointed. Ashamed. Angry. She had betrayed their trust once again, but this time, it went too far. This was a secret she never should have kept from them, and now they were going to kick her out onto the streets.

Thankfully, Adrian only lived a few blocks away, so she didn’t have to leave the neighborhood. Stepping out of her car, she could barely even register the fat raindrops that began to drench her entire body.

He answered on the fifth knock, looking as if he had just woken up from a nap. Nova didn’t even let herself take in his ruffled state. He blinked at her, frowning at her red eyes and wet clothes.

“Nova? What’s wr-”

“Are your parents home?”

Opening the door a bit more, he shook his head slowly, obviously confused. “No? They’re at headquarters righ-umph!”

Nova launched herself at him, burying her head into his sweatshirt. His armed immediately wrapped around her, although his body stiffened in alarm.

“Nova, hey, Nova.” He relaxed quickly. A hand made circles on her back. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I’m here, yeah?” He held her as she sobbed, muttering incoherent gibberish into his chest. She was probably getting tears and snot all over him, but that was the least of her worries.

Struggling for air, she gasped, “I can’t go home, Adrian. They’ll kill me. They’re go-going to kill me. I...I-I-I can’t go home. I’m never going to see Evie or-or Thomas ever again because I’m a fu-fucking idiot.” She felt a hand on her head, running through her hair.

He made small shushing sounds. “Is this about another piercing? Or did you finally get a tattoo?”

Nova heard the door shut behind her and the lock. She shook her head into the sweatshirt. “Much...much worse.”

As if to remind her of her situation, a loud Bang! Bang! Bang! resonated in her skull. Suddenly she felt as if she were falling and gripped Adrian. Her entire body shook, despite the fact that she was burning up.

“Breathe in and out, Nova.” She felt him gently guide her to the floor, something he always did for her when she was having an attack. “I’m here. You’re in my house, okay? Everything’s alright. I’m not going to leave you.” He backed up a little to give her space, but she made a whimpering noise in the back of her throat and reached out for him. He pulled her head into his lap, one hand going back to tracing circles on her skin and the other holding her hand.

She didn’t know how much time had passed before she finally felt her breathing slow down. Exhaustion rolled through her body, and she fell limp against Adrian’s knee. Somewhere far away, he asked her a few questions, to which she nodded to, only partly paying attention.

Somehow, she ended up on his bed with a glass of water in her hands and his soft comforter over her legs. He sat beside her on the edge, the lines on his forehead showing just how worried he was. Only when she silently gestured did he move to sit closer to her on the bed.

She was quiet for a long time, but Adrian was patient. He always was. She had had many breakdowns in his presence, and he knew how to help her get through them every time. Even though they had drifted apart in their earlier teen years, they were now both making the effort to spend more time together. It had been about a year since they made this commitment, and while it was hard and her teammates and friends teased her about it, it was the best decision she had made in a long time.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” she mumbled, setting the still-full water glass on his nightstand. She curled her legs up to her chest, kicking back the bedspread.

“Take your time.” He reached for her hand, and she gladly accepted his.

Nova sniffled. “For a while now, the Anarchists have been contacting me.” A single tear slipped down her cheek. “They’ve been feeding me lies about the Renegades, taunting me for betraying my own blood.”

Adrian inhaled sharply. “Nova...what? I-”

“There’s more,” she snapped, but her voice shrank again. “They...they want me to join them, saying that the Renegades are liars and that they wanted my family to die that night.” She swallowed, feeling disgust wash over her. “And now, I’m afraid of what they’re going to do to me or my family.” She glanced at him, hand tightening around his. “To you. They know how close we are.”

Adrian searched her face. “You should’ve said something sooner, Nova. This is serious. How long has this been going on?”

She shrugged, looking down at the sheets. “A year and a half?” Adrian cursed under his breath. Another tear dripped down her cheek. “Adrian, you can’t tell anyone, okay? You know the shit I get every day just for being an Artino. I’ve had to prove myself since I was six, had to...had to play the part of a media darling just to stay on most people’s good side. All that could vanish if this got out. It won’t matter that I’ve ignored them. You know how the tabloids are.”

Adrian shushed her as her voice started to rise and shake again. “I can’t just do nothing, Nova. You know that.” Something flashed in his eyes. “You matter more than anything else in the world to me. I can’t stand to see you like this.” Nova blushed, only then becoming aware of how close they were sitting on his bed, how weirdly handsome he looked in his grey sweatpants and sweatshirt. Her eyes drifted to the necklace peeking out from his sweatshirt, stomach dropping at the thought of it hanging over her.

She shook her head, partly in response and partly to get her mind away from such imaginations. “My parents found out today and confronted me when I came home from headquarters.” She inhaled shakily. “I was a dumbass and left a letter out on my desk.”

Adrian’s face softened in understanding. “They were angry you didn’t tell them?”

“Furious,” she breathed. “They...they told me I wasn’t their daughter if…” her face crumpled, and he wrapped his arms around her again, tucking her head into the crook of his neck. “If I was actually thinking about joining them.”

“But you’re not,” he reassured her, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. That only made more tears fall.

Nova leaned back, wanting to tell him more. How she had actually considered what they said. Not about joining them, but what they mentioned about the system being corrupt and unfair. Sometimes, when she really thought about it, she could see where they were right. It made her feel dirty inside and out for betraying everything she ever knew.

“You’re a good person, Nova.” He attempted to smile. “We’ll talk about what to do about them contacting you later. Everything’s going to be alright. You’re one of the best people I know. No, don’t shake your head,” he laughed, which caused the corner of her lip to lift up just slightly. She loved his laugh. “You are. They’re just upset right now. Any parent would be. Give them some time to think through things. You know my dads never mind how long you stay.” After a slight pause, he added, a bit awkwardly, “Okay?”

Nova glanced down at his lips, pinched in worry, then back up at his eyes, and she may have responded, or she may not have. But the next thing she knew, her lips were pressed firmly against his. He made a noise in surprise; Nova felt his body go stiff beside her. She pulled back, an apology already forming in her mouth. He blinked at her, the hand that had been rubbing circles on her arm now still. Then he did something that sent Nova over the edge: He kissed her back.

She gasped, allowing him to deepen the kiss and pull her closer. Nova’s entire body shook as she climbed into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. One hand splayed at the small of her back, the other reaching up to dig into her hair. A soft moan escaped her lips at the way her skin tingled from the contact; she would’ve been mortified if Adrian didn’t act like the sound was the best thing he had ever heard.

He broke the kiss, only to murmur her name and words of affection as his lips, great skies his lips, traced a path from her jaw down to the hollow part of her neck. Nova’s head was pounding, her heart racing, her body feeling about a thousand new emotions all at once.

Nova had kissed people before, had even kissed Adrian once when they were fourteen as part of a dare and came close about a year ago. But none of those kisses were like this one. No, she had never, ever, ever been kissed like this before. As if she were the most precious thing in the world; as if she mattered and was cared for.

His lips returned to her face, kissing away the tear stains on her cheeks before returning to her mouth. An explosion of stars lit up behind Nova’s eyelids, and she welcomed his caresses fervently, pressing her body so close to his until she felt as if she might suffocate. But at that moment, she didn’t care.

For so long, she had dreamed and thought of and imagined what it might be like to kiss Adrian Everhart. Partly in shame, for he was her best friend. They had known one another for ten years; they weren’t supposed to feel this way about one another. Every time she had ever thought of a life where they were something other than friends, she chastised herself. She couldn’t ruin their friendship and reveal her true feelings for him if he didn’t feel the same. When she was younger, she had seen Adrian as something akin to a brother. That had all changed after they had first kissed as awkward, naïve fourteen year olds. But if he had been like family for her before then, surely Adrian only thought about her as a sister. Right? Now she wasn’t so sure.

Adrian’s fingers ran over the length of her thigh, then his hand came to rest in the crevice under her knee. Nova shook in his hold, her breath beginning to grow shallow. A sick, heavy brick dropped in her stomach, the exact opposite of the feeling of pleasure she had felt just minutes before. What if this wasn’t all she had wanted? What if they were just caught up in the moment, and Adrian was only kissing her because she had initiated it? He could break the embrace at any moment and push her away in disgust when realization would hit, and just like that, the best ten years of her life would go down the drain.

She needed air, but also didn’t want to let go just yet. A new wave of tears threatened to spill behind her closed eyelids. She was such an idiot. Adrian could never, would never, love her the way she loved him.

Not knowing what else to do, Nova allowed her power to roll through her, gently so as not to hurt him like she would with criminals. It had been years since she had been kind with her power; she hadn’t used it that way since Thomas was a screaming toddler. The effects were the same, though. Adrian broke the kiss as his head lolled back against the headboard. Fat tears streamed down Nova’s face. Adrian had offered her a place to stay, but after what had just happened, how could she?

Legs shaky, Nova pushed herself off of him and scooted toward the end of the bed. She wanted nothing more than to just curl up beside him and fall asleep in his arms. After all, he was one of the few people that made her feel safe enough to fall asleep. But no. She had to go. Where, she wasn’t quite sure yet. Anywhere but here. Maybe she would call up Danna or Ramona and explain the situation. Both were familiar with her home life and the occasional desire to just disappear for a while from the chaos that was the Artino household.

Thank the sky above that Hugh and Simon weren’t home, or else she would have some explaining to do. Due to her current state, just making it out of the large house was a miracle. It was pouring harder now than it was when Nova came over. She closed the front door and, finding the spare key hidden under a small statue, locked it and hid the key again.

Between the pouring rain and her blurry eyesight, seeing was very difficult for Nova while getting out of Adrian’s neighborhood. She could barely think, barely breathe, even as she called Danna through her car’s Bluetooth system because she was at the top of her contact list. In the corner of her mind, she heard her Papà’s voice telling her she needed to slow down because of the slick roads, like he always tells her to drive slowly in the rain. She can hardly process even that warning.

“Don’t be an emotional driver,” Papà would say whenever she got upset back when she was learning to drive. “Pull over somewhere safe if you’re upset or angry, va bene?” And Nova would nod her head and take deep breaths to calm down.

Images of Adrian flitted through her head, only succeeding in making her more upset than she was. How was she going to explain herself when he woke up and inevitably called her?

“Nova? Nova, are you there?” Nova fixed her eyes on the little screen in her car where it showed a call was in process. Blinking she tried to read who it was, not quite sure she remembered who she had called. It was Danna. Right.

Nova looked back up at the road just as she ran a red light, being t-boned by an incoming car.

#renegades #archenemies #nova artino #adrian everhart #danna bell #ruby tucker #my writing #anarchists #oscar silva #tuckva #osby #nodrian #supernova #ill fix the whole layout when im home dont worry #it bothers me too

[afterhoursfic]

[1/2] [noncon ~21 yr old jask] jasksier walking down the street, he's been disowned by his rich family, makes lives in a shady part of town with the money he makes at a barmaid (what the fuck is that word in modern english i legit dont remember ive read so much fic😂) Geralt works in the mafia under Vesemir, he's his second-hand man, and sees Jaskier walking alone at night, humming something under his breath. Loves his carefree innocence and wants to /ruin it/. omg i love the guns kink so much😂

2/2Pullshim into an alley, cigarette in his mouth, presses gun to small of Jaskier's back "stay still or ill shoot you." Rips his clothes off, fucks him however you'd like (i imagine hard, rough, and not too painless), and then shoves a gun inside him (which is probably equally painful, if not more), just for funsies, doesnt care that his cum's gonna fuck with his gun's upkeep. "Is that loaded?" "Keep talking and youll find out" afterwards, geralt lets him go and jask asks "was it loaded" "yes."

.

Warning: non con, gun kink

Hope you like it, and no worries barman/barmaid or barista I believe is the modern term anyway so you’re good XD

.

It was bordering 2 am and he was very quickly losing interest in whatever deal he was supposed to be making with the fucker now 20 minutes late,. He had only stayed out so long so he could watch as the main street filtered out with people in various drunken stages, from the poor sods acting as chaperones to the ones who couldn't keep their liquor down and threw it all up on the pavement, it was interesting in its own weird way watching as other people went about their lives none the wiser as to the sort of dealings that went on in the dark.

With that thought, he deemed the meeting important enough to wait until he finished his cigarette, after that he would go home, get pleasantly buzzed on whiskey and maybe even hire some company for the evening and let Vesemir deal with the fallout tomorrow. Not that he expected a bollocking, he was punctual as always and if their clients weren't of a similar mind then it wasn't worth the business.

Eyes still watching the dwindling nightlife he caught sight of a boy leaving one of the clubs, a boy being what he was for he could barely be legal, and his eyes caught on the embroidered shirt he wore and the dark denim jeans that looked as if they'd been tailored to accentuate his ass. It was clear the boy came from money and he briefly wondered whether there may be a job in trying to blackmail the boy's parents, he half expected a car to come and pick him up given the late hour but instead, the boy wrapped his arms around himself before he ventured away from the road and down an alley he knew to be a shortcut into dingier part of town, the part where most people didn't bother to hide most of their dealings, and curiosity piqued, he followed.

He kept his distance for a while, his ears barely catching the tune the boy was whistling as he kicked a rock when he walked, the cliche sign of someone down on their luck if he'd ever seen it. It was apparent the boy had been through some sort of hardship, his clothes were tailored, his hair artfully styled and even 10 paces back he could smell the expensive cologne he was wearing, and yet the boy was out long after dark when mummy and daddy would worry after their protege and he was heading towards trouble in this neighborhood. He had been through hardship, yes, but there was an innocence to him from the way he kicked at the rock like a child to how he hummed a familiar tune and he found that he wanted.

Wanted to ruin the kids' boyish innocence and leave him broken and ravaged on the roadside and so, cigarette hanging loosely from his lips, he pulled the gun from his waistband and picked up his pace until he was able to reach forward with his free hand and grab his hair to pull him deeper into the alley whilst he lifted the gun to press against his temple as he leaned forward to whisper in the boy's ear "Don't scream, I'd hate to ruin that pretty face of yours"

Shoving the boy into the nearest wall he kicked his legs apart to make space for himself before pushing up behind him so there was nowhere for him to go, he pressed against the boys back and forced him harshly into the wall before he slowly ground his growing erection to press against the boys' ass, taking far too much enjoyment from the small whimper he heard from the boy before he tried to turn his head to face him.

"Just take my money, I don't-"

"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to go out after dark little bird"

"Please, just let-"

"I don't think you're in any place to be making demands" Gun still fixed to the boys' temple he began pawing at the front of his shirt to try and loosen the buttons but after it took far too long to undo just the first one he grabbed at the almost silk like material and using his teeth to help get a grip on the material, managed to rip it off the boy's chest before he leaned forward to kiss and nip his teeth at his throat, feeling his dick twitch as he heard the boy panting in small uneven breaths as he bit his bottom lip as if trying to keep back the noises he wanted to make.

Shirt gone, he let his free hand trail across his chest to tug harshly at a nipple, pulling and pinching it between his fingers until the boy let out a pained cry which only caused him to shove the barrel of his gun under the boy's chin with the whispered command to be quiet, earning another whimper, before he moved to the other nipple to give it the same treatment.

Once the boy's nipples were red and hard under his hand he pulled away just far enough to tug at the waistband of his jeans to pull them along with his underwear down to his ankles, effectively trapping his legs before once again moving to stand between them, forcing the boy to press against the cold, brick wall as his still clothed dick now strained at the denim to press in the crease of the boys bare ass.

When he brought two fingers up to the boy's mouth, at first he resisted, the boy's mouth remaining firmly closed even as he tried to force it open, a feat much harder one handed so instead he moved those fingers to rub against the boy's hole, dry, pressing one of them in just barely but enough that he felt the boy clench tightly against the intrusion, soft pleas to stop falling from his lips.

"I'm fucking you one way or the other, depends how easy you want to make it on yourself" With that, he pulled his fingers away from the boy's hole and back in front of his mouth "Last chance"

He couldn't help but growl into the boy's neck as he felt a wet tongue begin to lick at the tips of his fingers, only he didn't have time to wait for the boy to kitten lick his fingers, hell he didn't want to wait so instead just shoved them straight down the boy's throat, letting out a small moan as he felt the boy gag around them and try to get any control back. He didn't let him, he just fucked his fingers into his mouth three, four, five times before pulling them out before he crouched down behind the boy, and using the gun, moved one of his ass cheeks to the side so that he could get a view of his hole before spitting on it, chuckling as he heard the boy moan and watched his hole clench and unclench at the warm spit before he stood back up and unceremoniously pushed the first finger in, he wasn't a brute after all.

As he began fucking the boy with one finger, quickly making it two, he trailed the barrel of his gun along the boy's stomach, side, across his neck, chuckling as he felt his muscles clench and small shivers pass through him whilst he began to suck a series of dark hickies onto the boy's neck.

Just as soon as he'd started, he was pulling his fingers out and in a quick movement had his dick out and slicked with spit before the tip was pressed against the boy's hole, taking far too much enjoyment at the way he felt it clench against him, already awaiting that tight heat as he began to push in, whatever protest the boy may have tried to make died on his lips and instead became a pained cry which was quickly muffled by shoving his face into the wall, as he pushed even deeper, all but grinding his teeth to try and keep control, to drag it out as long as possible as the boy whimpered around his cock.

When he was fully seated in the boy he pulled back a little just to watch as he pulled about halfway out before quickly thrusting back in, letting out a growl at the pained whimper from the boy as he began to pick up his pace and really fuck into the boy.

He had been reduced to somewhat animalistic grunts as he fucked into the boy with fervor, made better by every cry and whimper and pained groan that seemed to come out of the boy every other thrust that made him just want to fuck harder, to get deeper until the boy was nothing more than a simpering mess around his cock.

It was on one thrust that had caused the boy to shout that had him stop, pressing him close to the wall so he could breathe in his ear, gun teasing under his chin "Thought I told you to keep quiet"

"I'm sorry, I pro-" With the boy's mouth open he quickly shoved the tip of his gun past his lips, all but feeling the boys distress as his whole body clenched in fear, his hole now had a death grip on his cock as he carried on fucking into him causing him to groan as he tried to fuck even harder into him as he neared his release "Best be good little bird, wouldn't want to see you get hurt"

He could practically hear the scowl from the boy at that, he knew the irony of course, the promise not to hurt him with a gun in his mouth whilst he fucked his ass with no lube and little prep, he just didn't care and ignored whatever attempts the boy tried to make to get his mouth off the gun and instead forced it just a little bit deeper as his thrusts started to become uneven and desperate as he neared the edge of his release.

It was when he moved his thumb to take the safety off of the gun still in the boy's mouth, causing the boy to panic and try to squirm and thrash to get out of his hold that caused him to clench even tighter on his cock that he finally came with a long groan, letting the boy's movement milk as much come from his cock as he slowly rode out the aftershocks until they were standing there, the boy tense in his arms as he leisurely began to fuck the tip of his gun in his mouth just for something to do.

He ventured his free hand down to the boy's half hard dick and with a smirk on his face and a warning to keep quiet, he both pulled out of the boy's hole and took the gun out of his mouth.

"That thing isn't loaded is it?" He doesn't give an answer as with his free hand he pushed between the boy's shoulder blades to keep him fixed to the wall whilst he began to toy the edge of his gun at the boy's rim, feeling him tense up even more if that were possible "Is it loaded? Please don't, I don't want-"

"Keep talking and you'll find out" He then pushed the barrel past the boy's rim, just a bit thicker than his own dick, and into his hole, already slick with spit from the boy's mouth, but given the pained hiss and the small grunts with every little twist of the wrist, it was a lot to take. He angled the gun just a little as he began to thrust it a little deeper into the boy and it was when his breath hitched he knew he'd found the boys prostate and did his best to abuse it.

A part of him lamented the loss of his gun, already his come was starting to leak out the boy's hole even with the gun in him and he didn't want to think what inside the barrel would look like, but in his business guns were as easy to come by as candy so he didn't mourn too long as he watched the boy slowly get harder as he was fucked by his gun, unable to stop himself from burying his face into the boy's neck to hear every breathless pant and barely held moan.

"You like being fucked by my gun? Such a dirty bitch, you'll get off to anything that's fucking you" With that, he wrapped a hand around the boy's dick and stroked in time with the thrusts of his gun "Beg for me to let you come, tell me how good it is to get fucked by my gun little bird" When there was no answer he tightened his grip around the boys cock until he cried out in pain "I said beg" his voice was deeper, darker, one that brooked no argument and he smiled just a little into the boy's neck when he felt him relax just a little in defeat.

"Please, please let me come" The words were strained but his orders were followed at least so slowly he began to stroke the boys cock again "Your gun feels so good in me, I'm such a slut and your gun fills me so well" again the words are monotonous and only being said because the boy had to but it still does the job and he's sure that even then if he hadn't come already, those words would have done it.

Instead, he doubled down his efforts, stroking the boys cock furiously whilst rubbing the barrel of the gun on his prostate until the boy is shaking against him as he comes. It's only when he's stopped shaking that he pulls the gun out, wiping the edge of it against the boy's side as he leaned to whisper in his ear "To answer your question little bird"

He quickly pointed the gun deep into the alley and fired, laughing when he felt the boy jolt in his arms at the loud bang that left behind a deafening silence. Without wasting much more time he tucked his dick back into his pants and his gun back into his waistband before turning to the boy, still frozen where he was left against the wall, not even daring to breathe,

"You should be more careful out there little bird, next person may not be as nice as me" With that he gave a light smack to the boy's ass, and seemed to finally get him into motion and scramble to put what on what was left of his clothes, not bothering to spare him a glance as he pulled out and lit a cigarette before he turned back into the alley to head back towards the club.

#afterhours cw non con #afterhours cw gun kink

[starbuck09256]

A chance of chess

Early MSR AU

Tagging the always wonderful @today-in-fic 

rated PG (at least this first part) 

The soft spring breeze fills his nostrils as he runs through the park. His breath steady as his heart rate increases. Since moving back to DC he has been to a few parks trying to find the one with the best route. This one is filled with cherry tree blossoms and beautifully lined trees. It also has some basketball courts and an area where people can play chess. The neighborhood isn’t really close to his own home but it’s worth the extra 10 minutes of running to get here. The biggest ticket will be the coffee shop, with a decent cappuccino and a good drip at a decent price. He wonders if this is where he will fight the monsters that Patterson has been bringing to his tiny lair in the basement. After being so successful with Monty Props he earned the right to leave the normal BAU section into a forgotten dungeon in the basement. But he loves it down there. The noise dimmed the lights bright and his focus uncompromised by the chatter of useless gossip around him. He can leave the area a mess and no one cares. He can stay until 2am without someone lecturing him to go home and get some so called “rest”. This park is beautiful and the neighborhood is not as up and coming as to guarantee an overpriced lack luster cup of joy. He continues around the path sees a set of one man sitting alone at a chess table small pieces placed on their respected places as he looks down at his watch. Another gentlemen finally gets up walking over to the balding man and touches his shoulder. He gives a sad expression that even in the few short years he has been with the FBI is idneitifalable even at this distance, the death of a person seems to manifest in similar ways across the races. The sadness that racks through the bald man's eyes is paulable. His broad shoulders sigh in defeat as he starts to look at the small pieces in front of him. He hasn’t played a game of chess in awhile. In one of his advanced psychology classes they use it as a way to understand the mind of others. Chess is a game played first in the mind and then on the board, intent, sabotage, traps, or just luck playing in a way that riddles the ways of society. His heart rate comes down and he walks to the man. He hasn’t packed up yet and while he doesn’t want to intrude he sees an opportunity to further his love of the game. But the man stands he is younger than Mulder thought his broad shoulder and the way he carries himself scream military. Mulder can’t help himself.

“Wanna play a game?” the bald man gives him a sad smile. 

“Not today, but tomorrow I would be happy to kick your ass.” 

Mulder can’t help but smile. “Pretty sure of yourself there?” he can’t help but grip. 

“See you at 7.” the bald man walks down towards the street turning to walk down the block. 

He’s ran around the park twice. He got there early already invigorated by a new challenge. He even reviewed a few classic chess moves last night. The bald man is there setting up quietly. Mulder approaches. 

“Ready old man?” he says as he jogs up to the table. 

“I doubt I’m a whole lot older than you Mister?” 

“Fox Mulder, just Mulder is good.” 

“Walter Skinner, Skinner is fine.” Mulder nodded and sat down. 

“You ready?” he asked. 

Skinner adjusted his glasses and peered over the younger man. 

“Absolutely. White or black Mulder?” He takes the white and helps set up the board. 

The two of them were evenly matched in skill. Mulder tries different psychological games on the older man with no success. After several stalemates and a win for each of them. Mulder thanks Skinner. 

“Same time next week kid?” Skinner asks and Mulder nods. 

And so it goes for several months when Mulder was in town. Skinner and him would pay two times a week. They would talk about the nonessential things, Skinner was a hard man to read. Mulder ends up doing most of the talking. Then on one buserly morning Skinner wasn’t there. Mulder looks around and waits for almost an hour. Another gentleman whom he knows by the name of Frohike comes over. 

“Skinman is in the hospital.”

 “Shit, what for?”

 “He was shot had to have an operation and the best doctor flew in for it. Heard the doc is quite a looker.”

Mulder sighs and takes his pieces back to his basement. He taps his fingers along the case file. Finally after concern eats at his resolve he heads back to the park to ask which hospital Skinner is at. Two hours and a phone call to Patterson later he is outside Skinners room watching a beautiful redhead in a white coat annihilate him at chess faster than Mulder thought possible. He could feel her laughter through the door, her bright hair was just like her smile. She was so tiny in that over-sized doctor coat even though she had 2 inch heels on. Mulder is slightly fixated on her. He knocks on the door waiting for an introduction. Skinner grunts as he welcomes him. 

“Had to come down here for your weekly ass-kicking?” Skinner mutters moving in the hospital bed to shuffle his big frame with the wires from the IV. Mulder chuckles. 

“Hi Fox Mulder, glutton for punishment.” he smiles at the pretty doctor. Skinner interrupts him “Agent Fox Mulder with the FBI”  she steps back slightly, and Mulder can’t help feeling a little smug at the clear pass Skinner is throwing at him.

“Doctor Dana Scully.” her grip is delicate and strong at the same time. 

She smiles at him. Mulder can not help stare into her deep sea blue eyes. He clears his throat, her hand had felt warm and welcoming in his hand. She has soft delicate features and he realizes how right Frohike was, she was more than just a looker.

 “So how is the old man doing?” his voice doesn’t hold back the concern he feels. 

“Not that old Mulder.” Skinner coughs. Scully chuckles. 

“He.. uh... took a bullet about 2 centimeters away from the lung cavity. He is very very lucky to be alive. Even if he is terrible at Chess.” her eyes darting to Skinners. 

Skinner coughs again. “Yea, yea. I lose to this fool a lot too.” 

Mulder can’t help but chuckle at that. Skinner has certainly gotten better and he has become much less rusty. 

“Ah, So your a doctor and amazing at chess?” Mulder asks and Scully blushes slightly at that. 

“Uh I would say your friend is not that good, could be the meds though.” She is polite and not egocentric. 

“So Agent Mulder, maybe you can shed some light on the creep men that keep coming by and peering in on Mr. Skinner. Since Mr.Skinner refuses to provide any details as to where and when he was shot. Maybe you as his friend can convince him to bring the perpetrator to justice.” Mulder eyes dart to the man. 

“Doctor Scully can I have a minute alone with Agent Mulder” 

“Sure Walter maybe he can talk sense into you.” 

She hands Mulder Walters file and walks out the door. Mulder watches her as she leaves. He turns to Walter,

 “wow doctors like that I can see why you’ve extended your stay.” 

Skinner grunts. “She’s pretty but also a hard ass, like someone I know.” Mulder can’t help but chuckle. 

“You should play her sometime Mulder, she’ll give you a run for your money.” 

He starts to cough then. Mulder gets up from the seat next to him checking his lines. 

“Hey, hey” Walter spurters. Mulder grabs him a glass of water on the table. 

“What the hell happened to you Walter? Afraid the pretty doctor will find out you are NSA?” 

Walter rolls his eyes. He mutters thanks and settles in. 

“Mulder if I was ever going to suggest a woman to keep you in line and be your ally, it would be her, I’ve known Doctor Scully for a long time. Was a good friend of her fathers before he died last year. She took it rough. Changed careers, she was at the Farm.” 

“She’s ex CIA?” 

Mulders was impressed before now he was down right shocked. 

“Yes, she is smart and capable of taking both of us done in seconds. But she is also very guarded and lonely.” 

“Right because you would know that.” 

Mulder is now seeing where this whole thing is going. 

“Well I’m dating her mom so yea..” Mulders eyes flash up to his bald friend.

 “Walter you keep unfolding like a flower.” 

“Yea well just challenge her to chess, see if it can lead to a dinner.” He coughs again. 

Mulder helps Walter settle back in shaking his head. 

“I don’t know Walter,” Walter looks at him. 

“I haven’t known you very long Mulder, but Dana’s been through a lot and she could use a friend, and someone decent at chess.” Mulder nods 

“I’m going to get a cup of coffee.” 

Walter sighs as the door swings close and Mulders footfalls fade. 

The coffee is terrible and he almost spits it out while looking around the small cafeteria. Doctor Scully is sitting in a corner reviewing a file. She catches his eye and smiles. It’s soft but it doesn’t reach her eyes. He sees it now the underlying fear within her. He goes over and pulls out his bag of chess pieces. 

“Skinman has said you are a formidable force, have time for a game?” he asks. 

He is a little shy, he hasn’t dated much since being in DC. She bites her lip and looks at her watch he watches as she reaches up and rubs her face. 

“Ok one game.” she concedes and Mulder can’t help the grin that spreads across his face. 

He sets up the pieces and she can’t help but laugh at his spock figurine for a Bishop. 

“What?” he asks and laughs when he sees her point. 

“Oh yea lost a piece not too long ago anyway. Black or white doctor Scully?”

“Just Scully is fine, white Mulder.” 

“He's talked about me hasn’t he?” at her sheepish look up. 

Mulder realizes that the beautiful Doctor Scully is kind, thoughtful and must be crazy. 

“He told you I was crazy?” Mulder huffs 

She can’t help licking her lips “He might have mentioned the alien thing..yea” but she doesn’t laugh at him. 

“And you still want to do this?” he nods towards the game. 

“From what Walter said, I think we could both use someone to just talk too.” Mulder nods smiling at her. 

One game turns into five Mulder 3 Scully 2. When she gets paged she writes down her number on a napkin and the words rematch. He grins all the way out to his car. 

He waits one day and calls her. She answers on the second ring, and while it starts with talking about chess it ends 5 hours later at 1am when her soft snores come across the line. She calls him the next day to apologize for falling asleep on him. He tells her she can make it up to him by having dinner together. After a fair amount of time which scares the hell out him that he pushed too far too soon she sighs yes. He doesn’t know the history there but from the sound of it she’s been very hurt in a prior relationship, making dating unappealing. So he does one better and says how about just coffee. He can almost feel her smile through the phone, perfect she says. They meet on a rare Saturday morning they would both normally work and he walks with her around the same park he met Walter over a year ago. Coffee turns to lunch then to a new thriller at the local theater then to hours spent rummaging through a vintage bookshop. When 7pm rolls around she looks up from the copy of Jose Chungs catching his eye over his copy of a popular sci-fi. She comes up and brushes his arm, 

“Maybe dinner too..” her smile is soft and shy and he can’t imagine a world without it. 

The dinner goes great and he calls her as soon as he gets home. She hesitates a bit and feels like they are rushing into something. 

“Something good I hope?” he can’t help the pleading in his voice. 

There is no one on the planet he has been able to handle for an entire day, let alone want to spend the entire evening talking to as well. He has so many questions, so many theories and  all of the sudden he wants her opinion on them all. Doctor Scully is captivating, she is brilliant, kind, funny and drop dead gorgeous in a way that should make her much more pretentious and not nearly so available. She talks to him anyway even though they talked most of the day, even though she doesn’t like butter on her popcorn she might be perfect. Then when he pushes for another date she says “I don’t think so.” and he hears the soft click that matches the sound of his heart breaking.

#mulder and scully #au #early meeting #chess #myfic #the x-files #fanfic #msr #fluff #with a side of angst

[monsterfucker-mcgee]

This prolly sounds dumb but since the trans day of visibility happened ive gotten a lot of hate bc im a trans dude and like, Tivius comforting a trans person who was being harrassed, not rlly an x reader like a Relationship but like, just a comfort fic bc he seems like the type to comfort a sad stranger

Listen up - there is nothing silly about wanting a little comfort, especially not given our current circumstances, and especially especially not when you’re getting a lot of hate because of who are you. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. If you ever need an online shoulder to cry on, or just someone to vent to, my inbox is always open, as are my DM’s. I hope this little fic can help you feel a bit better :( 

Given the nature of this ask, there are a few trigger warnings in this little fic - misgendering, hate crime, and harassment. 

——————————–

Tivius Lintis was patrolling the pristine grounds of Presidium when he heard distant shouting. Crying followed the shouting, and his curiosity was piqued. He followed the noise to a nearby alley where he found a group of five humans. Four of them towered above the fifth who was lying on the ground, clearly crying and with their hands over their face. 

He stood back for a minute or two to figure out what the problem was.

“You’ll never be a real man!” one of the towering humans snarled, then laughed loudly when the human on the ground let out a broken sob. 

“What’s the matter, girlie?” another said and stepped closer, and this was where Tivius intervened. 

“Hey!” he shouted and walked towards the scene calmly, but his blood was boiling. Immediately, the humans looked at him. “What’s the problem here?” he asked and put his hands on his hips, looking the four humans over. They looked to be in their twenties, two of them being female and the other two being male. He glanced at the fifth human on the ground - they looked to be in a bad state. 

“Nothing, officer,” one of the women said, almost purred, and batted her eyelashes while twirling a lock of hair around her finger. Tivius stared at her coldly. He had seen enough hate crimes to know when he was faced with one. Somehow, the human on the ground was different from these four, and while he couldn’t piece it together right now, he was going to figure it out. 

“Then you have no business here, do you?” 

“I could make you my business,” the same woman murmured and took a step closer to Tivius who arched an eyebrow plate. 

“And I could throw you in a cell. Hate crimes are illegal, which I’m sure you’re all well aware of since you’re trying to hide it.” 

Three of the humans sent each other nervous glances, but the woman seemed confident. At least confident enough to flirt with a turian C-Sec officer, which took guts. But that didn’t excuse her nasty actions. 

“Are you going to arrest me?” she asked in a tone that was definitely meant to be seductive, but Tivius had no time for that. 

“Yes, I am, unless you all get out of here. Go on, leave.” 

The woman seemed to debate with herself whether to stay and try her luck, but the other woman grabbed her arm and tugged, hissing out, “Come on, Cailey, let’s go. She’s not worth the trouble,” and glaring at the human on the ground. 

The woman called Cailey snorted and rolled her eyes, but led her little gang out of the alley. Tivius looked at them leave before he hurried to the human’s side. They were sobbing softly, and their clothes looked torn and dirty. 

“Hey,” he whispered and gently touched the human’s shoulder, “hey, it’s alright, they’re gone.” The human sniffled and turned their head to look at him, and he did his best to smile. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered again and squeezed the human’s shoulder before letting go and sitting back to give them some space. But immediately when he let go, the human sobbed again and reached out for him. 

Tivius, who may be good with hugs with his partner, tensed for a fraction of a second before relaxing again and sitting down beside the human, close enough that their hips touched. The human turned enough to press their face into his shoulder, crying quietly. 

“It’s okay,” Tivius repeated and stroked their hair, “it’s okay, they’re gone now. What’s your name?”

“David,” the human croaked and wrapped his arms around Tivius’. 

“Alright, David, thank you for telling me.” Not wanting to upset David any further, Tivius spoke softly and calmly while carding his talons through his hair. “Can you tell me what that was all about?”

David nodded against his shoulder and pulled back to rub his eyes. He didn’t answer immediately, but Tivius was patient, simply smiled at him. 

“They… they live in my neighborhood. They don’t like me because I’m… well, I’m different.”

“In what way?”

David bit his quivering lower lip, and his whole body trembled. Tears rolled down his cheeks, and his nose was red. Tivius felt a twinge in his heart - he hated seeing people cry, even if he didn’t know them. 

“I’m… not actually a man,” David mumbled. Tivius frowned.

“I’m sorry?”

David answered by lifting his torn shit enough that Tivius could see a long scar run under his left nipple. Immediately, horror filled him, and his blood began boiling again.

“Did they do that to you?” he asked, his vocals deeper than he had expected. David shook his head, and a small smile twitched onto his lips. 

“No, they didn’t. I… had surgery.”

Slowly connecting the dots, Tivius nodded. What the other humans had shouted, why David was crying, the scar. 

“You’re transgender,” he concluded and tilted his head slightly to the side. David nodded and turned his head away, letting out another sob that he tried stifling with a hand. Tivius moved to sit in front of David and stroked his knees gently. “What makes you think you’re not a ‘real man’, David?”

The human shrugged and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, sniffling softly. 

“Being a man has little to do with what your body looks like, and all to do with what you feel,” Tivius whispered and lowered his head to try and get a glimpse of David’s face. “It’s not about what body parts you have, it’s about what’s in your heart.” 

David looked up at him with red, puffy eyes, and Tivius smiled softly. 

“If you feel like a man, then you’re free to present yourself as such.” 

“What if I like… girly things?” he whispered, nearly inaudible. Tivius made sure David could see him shrug before he answered. 

“Things have no gender. Unless you’re talking about grammar, which I suspect you aren’t. What are some things you consider ‘girly’ that you like?”

David’s lips quivered when he spoke. 

“I like… I like floral things. I like wearing dresses. I like horses.” 

Tivius nodded and pondered this for a moment. 

“As far as I know, there are no official laws that dictate what men can wear and what women can wear. And if someone knows the law, it should be me, right?” David nodded with a small smile, and Tivius smiled back. “As for the horses, some of Earth’s most famous… equestrians? Is that the word?” David nodded again. “Right. Some of Earth’s most famous equestrians were men. I can name a few that you can look up if you want.”

David shook his head. 

“I already know a lot of them. But thank you. I appreciate it.” 

“Of course,” Tivius nodded and stroked the human’s knee for a second longer before withdrawing his hand. “Bottomline is that if you feel like a man, then you are a man. If you feel like a woman, then you’re a woman. You can be both or you can be neither. It’s entirely up to you.” 

David smiled a bit wider. 

“Thank you, sir. That’s very kind of you to say.” Tivius’ mandibles flared in a big smile. 

“Please, you can call me Tivius.” 

“How come you know so much about gender? If you don’t mind my asking, of course.” 

“Not at all. I have a couple of transgender friends, and I try to keep an open mind about this kind of thing. It’s not really something that’s prevalent in turians - at least not that I know of - but I see and meet a lot of humans in my line of work. You’d be surprised by how many of them share the same views as you, saying they can’t wear this or that or that they can’t like a specific thing because it ‘belongs to the other gender’.”

David nodded again and rubbed his eyes, sniffling quietly. 

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, Tivius trying to come up with more comforting things to say and David steadily calming down. 

“Do you want me to follow you home?” he asked the human. 

“You don’t have to.”

“But do you want me to, David?” 

David nodded, almost imperceptibly. 

“Then how about we get going? It’s getting late.” Tivius got up and reached out a hand to David who took it and let himself be hauled up. 

“Do you live with anyone?” Tivius asked as they walked towards the wards. 

“I have a roommate.”

“Are they accepting of you?”

“She is. She doesn’t really understand it, but she’s never made a mean comment.” 

“That’s good. What about your family? Are they okay with it?” 

David nodded. “Yeah, they are. They seem to understand it better than my roommate, too.”

Now it was Tivius’ time to nod. 

“That’s really good to hear, David. What about friends? Do you have a good social network?” 

David gave a shrug with a shoulder.

“I guess? I have a few friends who know about my situation.”

“Humans?”

“A human and a turian, actually.”

Tivius hummed and nodded, his mandibles flaring slightly. As they walked, they passed a number of shops, and a number of humans sent long looks after Tivius. David noticed. 

“Must be nice to have so many eyes on you,” he mumbled with a small smile. Tivius chirped in amusement. 

“When it’s the right pair of eyes, it sure is,” he answered and thought about his partner, warmth spreading in his chest. “Do you have someone whose eyes you want on you at all times, David?”

David blushed lightly. 

“Maybe,” he mumbled, making Tivius chuckle softly. 

“Oh yeah? What species?”

David glanced at him and quickly looked away again, much to Tivius’ amusement. 

“A turian?”

“Y-Yeah.” 

“Do they know how you feel?”

“I don’t think so. But I want her to know. She’s the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, and she’s the sweetest, too.”

“Is she one of your friends?” 

David nodded and scratched the back of his head. Tivius smiled. 

“Why not tell her?”

“Because it’s… weird. A human and a turian? People would laugh us all the way back to Earth.” 

Tivius hummed, not really offended. He knew that struggle, but he also knew how good it felt not to give a shit about anyone’s opinion. 

“My mate is human,” he said and looked at David who stopped walking and got wide eyes. “It’s working out great. I have actually thought about making her meet my parents.”

“Aren’t you afraid of getting laughed at?”

Tivius shrugged. 

“If people have a problem with it, they have never told me. And if they do have a problem with me having a human mate, then it’s their problem, not mine, so why should I care? They’re the narrow minded asshole, if you’ll excuse my swearing.” 

David laughed softly, and Tivius’ mandibles flared in a warm, wide smile. It was wonderful to hear the human laugh. 

“Basically, David, don’t base your view of yourself on how others see you. You’ll never be perfect to everybody, and you’ll only hate yourself more if you continue trying. I understand the need to be liked and loved, but the right human, or turian, will like and love you for who you are, not who you’re trying to be.” 

David nodded slowly and began walking again, shoving his hands into his pockets. Tivius followed him. 

“Thanks, Tivius. I really appreciate your talking and following me home.”

“Of course, David.”

They walked for about a minute more when David stopped in front of one of the many apartment doors. 

“This your place?”

He nodded and knocked on the door. Barely had he knocked for the third time before the door was ripped open, and a turian stood in the doorway. It was a female, distinguishable by the lack of a fringe, and Tivius instantly suspected it was the one David was crushing on. She was rather pretty - her markings were bright purple with blue eyes that held the depth of an ocean. 

“David!” she exclaimed and pulled him into a tight hug. He hugged her back, burying his face in her shoulder. “Where have you— Spirits, what happened to you? Was it those kids again?”

By the mention of ‘again’, Tivius narrowed his eyes. 

“Has this happened before?” he asked, forcing his voice calm. 

The turian looked at him and nodded. 

“Who’re you?”

“Tivius Lintis, ma’am, with C-Sec. I found David in an alley being bullied by a gang.”

“Look into them, will you? They need to pay for what they’re doing to David.”

“Yes, ma’am. Do you know anything that could help me? I only know the first name of who I presume to be the leader.”

“Her name is Cailey Lemara. She works with David, and her gang is always up to no good.”

“I’ll look into it, ma’am. Take care of yourself and David, okay?”

“Yes, sir, I will. Thank you for bringing him home.”

“Not a problem, I’m happy to help. If you find out anything about this gang, call C-Sec and tell them to contact me.” 

The turian nodded and led David inside.

“Thank you, Tivius,” he shot over his shoulder.

“You’re welcome, David. Take care.” 

#ask #anonymous #mass effect #tivius lintis #request: filled #tw: misgendering #tw: harassment #tw: hate crime #mcgee screams

[disabled-queen-hc-blog]

I haven't seen an ED hc on here yet and I need to project a bit so here's this: at the begging all the queen boys were skinny as hell but as time went on the only one who remained that way was brian. and everyone assumed that it was all natural. what they didn't know was that brian consciously started eating less when he got to the age where people's metabolism usually slows down. he was well aware that his skinniness was part of his trademark look and decided he needed to keep it that way (1/3)

he started cutting down the amount and frequency of his meals but the others never noticed - brian had always been peculiar with food (not eating meat or unhealthy things etc.) so they assumed he ate at home whenever he refused the takeout they had in the studio. in the mid 80s they slowly start noticing that brian’s no longer just skinny, but also sickly looking but still don’t say anything, assuming he might have a stomach bug going on (touring can bring that on quite easily after all) (2/3)

then, a couple of months later, brian passes out in the studio and the boys finally connect the dots. they feel incredibly guilty for not noticing the signs and are determined to help brian recover. (3/3) //if you could please write something where the boys realise all this had been going on without them noticing and then try to figure out how to help brian out of this mess while he refuses to believe that he needs help at all (can be gen or you can add a ship if you’d like)

TW explicit mentions of Eating Disorders, Disordered Eating, Anorexia, Orthorexia, Hospitalization and excessive vulgar language. 

All your letters in the sand cannot heal me like your hand…

For my life still ahead, pity me…

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24

Again.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24

One more time. So you remember how you fucked up.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24

24 ribs sticking out from grey ashen skin.

Brian’s bony finger traced over each one as he counted outloud, eyes focused on the full body mirror in front of him.

You remember how handsome you used to be? Remember when theyjutted out like a fucking Greek god? But you ruined it. You ate that chocolatecupcake like the pig you are and now you’re fat again. Fat and disgusting.

“One, two, three, four, five…”

It doesn’t matter if you cry about it. It won’t make you anyskinnier. Put on your running shoes, fat ass.

“Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two…”

RUN!

Brian wiped his face free of the tears, eye’s falling downto his bare feet. Skeletal but most people’s standards but bloated looking tohim. He had blisters on his heels from running a mile every morning, but itdidn’t matter. Pain was beauty, right?

♚

Of all the numbers, zero is the most beautiful. Brianthought that to himself as he ran around his neighborhood, the sun dipping inthe sky, crickets already chirping.

His knees hurt so bad, his chest was on fire and he was surehis blisters had reopened, but he had done this to himself. If he only atethings that were good, he wouldn’t have to run this second mile. If he juststopped inhaling anything that came into sight, he could be home right now,settling into a night’s rest.

But he was out here. In the cold English sunset, wearinglayers of jogging clothes to try and keep warm. He deserved this. Briandeserved this.

The day he hit his goal weight, he’d never have to do thisagain. He’d be doing zero laps.

♚

It was nearly midnight before he tempted to step on thescale.

The bathroom was so dark. Only trickles of moonlight pouredin from the window. He refused to turn on the lights since he weighed himselfnaked. Having to see his bare body was revolting. There was so much wrong withit. His legs were too chubby. His stomach so round. His cheeks akin to a hamster.It was better in the dark.

The cold metal of the scale sent a shiver up his body as hestepped onto it. He had to squint to see the number, but he was sure it hadgone up since this morning. That fucking cupcake.

8 stone.

Tears pricked his eyes. The number had gone down. Why was hestill so big?

So big.

Who could like someone so grotesque as him? With so muchskin? With so much fat?

Brian hugged himself, elbows tucking into his concavestomach.

He was disgusting.

♚

“You’re drinking your coffee black, Bri?” Roger asked, nosescrunched up as he peered into Brian’s coffee mug. Brian pulled the mug closerto him defensively but smiled and lolled his head as if nothing was wrong.

“You know I don’t drink milk, mate,” Brian said, taking asip of the acrid brew, forcing his brow to stay unfurrowed.

“Since when? Thought you were vegetarian, not one of thoseweird animal hippies,” Roger said eyes narrowed.

“Well, I’ve decided through research that the milk industryexploits cows. Did you know that mother cows and their c-“

“Yeah, yeah, alright. You could at least put a sugar or twoin there, you mad man,” Roger said with the wave of his hand, Brian’s plan atboring him with animal ethics having worked.

Brian smiled to himself, taking another sip. Roger was outof his mind if he thought he’d ever put sugar in anything he ate. Might as welleat straight fat. At least his little plan worked.

♚

“Brian, sweetheart, you look absolutely pale! Have you caughta cold?” Freddie said, a hand pressing against Brian’s clammy forehead. Brianducked away from the touch, laughing nonchalantly as he did.

“Perhaps? I feel, uh, fine. Maybe I’m just low in something,”he said as convincingly as possible. His fingers started to twiddle with the sleevesof his shirt that was far too big.

Freddie gave him a look he couldn’t decipher but he nodded.

“Well, you better rest up. Can’t have our main guydeveloping an ailment before our show tomorrow, huh?” Freddie said, a handstraying onto Brian’s bony shoulder. The touch made him erupt into goosebumps.

Did he know?

Does it matter?

♚

“Brian, we need to talk,” John said, his grey eyes big andstormy.

His gut dropped to the floor, heart pounding so hard itechoed in his ears. Was the gig up?

Brian wouldn’t go without a fight.

“What about?” he said casually, crossing one leg over theother, leaning back on the couch backstage.

John sat down next to him, uncomfortably close. Brian didn’tlike people touching him. It made it all the harder to hide.

John looked around to see if anyone was around before heleaned and whispered, “The crowds really big tonight. I, um, I’m kinda nervous,”

Oh sweet jesus. Thank god. Thank god.

The anxiety melted from Brian, a small smile growing on hisface.

“John, how old are you? You silly man,” He said jokinglybefore pulling John in for a hug.

The bassist grew rigid, not reciprocating. It’d only been a second,but the atmosphere grew bleak and heavy. John pulled away, face tightened infear. He looked over Brian for a second before he left in a hurry without somuch as a word.

Did he feel how skinny fat Brian was?

Who cares?

♚

Just because you finished a successful tour does not meanyou get to pig out. Look at all this food. It’s disgusting. Unhealthy. Do youwant to be fat? Don’t you want to be the skinny boy everyone knows and loves?

But I’m so hungry…

Hunger is good. Hunger means you’re strong. Hunger means you’rebeautiful. Hunger means you’re worth something.

I don’t feel good.

You won’t feel good if you get fat. If you stay fat.

I really don’t feel good.

Put that carrot down. Do you know how much sugar carrotshave? Do you want to poison your body with junk?

I think I’m gonna…

The after party for The Game fell silent. They’d all beendrinking, laughing, eating and a few other illegal activities when they heard athud. Hundred of eyes searched the room for the source of the noise untilsomeone spotted a collapsed Brian by the single veggie plate in the corner ofthe room.

Flurries of bodies and voices, yells and whispers erupted,some rushing to the phone, some running over to Brian.

Roger, Freddie and John surrounded their guitarist, panicfueling their every move.

“He’s bloody cold! Has someone called 999?” Roger shouted,rolling Brian over so he was on his back. It was a frighteningly easy task todo, the guy being light as a feather.

“Brian, sweetie, wake up please. Help is on the way, love.Stay with us, please,” Freddie pleaded, eyes misty as he held Brian’s handbetween his own, hoping to warm it up some.

John just stood next to the three, mouth and tongue seized,body trembling uncontrollably.

This is good. This is really good. Maybe soon you’ll benothing. Zero. A beautiful number. A beautiful state to be in.

♚

“…He was in fucking heart failure…”

“…electrolytes too low…”

“…emaciated…”

“…bone’s of a 60 year old…”

“And if he had died?”

“…you never said anything!”

“…was I supposed to know what this was?”

“He’s alive no thanks to any of you…”

♚

Brian’s eyes opened sluggishly, theonly thing he could seeing being an intense white light.

Was this it? Was he in heaven? Was allof this finally over? The pain and the cold and the empty stomachs and the migraines?Was that all gone now?

“He’s awake,” a mousy voice said.

Brian’s vision cleared, revealing awhite ceiling.

So he wasn’t dead.

He looked in the direction the voicecame, shivering when he saw it was John. His face was so swollen and so redfrom crying. It looked like he’d done a week’s worth. When their eyes met, Johnlet out a heart shattering sob, burying his face into Brian’s bed sheets. Theywere soaked.

Why was John crying so hard? He justpassed out was all. Nothing to be bent over.

His eyes scanned the room for other faces.

He found Roger’s. His eye bags wereunprecedented. His hair mused like he’d been trying to pull it out. Rogershrunk back into his chair, looking down at his shoes instead.

He didn’t have to look for Freddie.

Freddie walked up to Brian’s bed, hisface untelling. He looked at Brian’s IV, which he just now noticed he hadbefore he opened his mouth to speak. He faltered for a moment but spoke.

“Brian, I am so, so sorry,” he said,voice cracking, throat dry. He reached for Brian’s hand, but Brian pulled away,shaking his head.

“For what, Fred? I just passed out! It’sno one’s fault,” he said incredulously. They all looked like train wrecks for asimple blackout?

Freddie recoiled at Brian’s wordsbefore he softened again. His eyes parted from Brian’s, licking his lips. Whydidn’t anyone want to look at him?

“Brian…you didn’t pass out. You wentinto heart failure. You were in the ICU for 3 weeks in a coma. It…they had touse the electric paddles on you on two separate occasions,” his voice grewthick, obviously trying to push away the urge to cry and scream.

“They thought you weren’t going to makeit,” Freddie mouthed, his shoulders caving in as a few tears escaped down hischeeks.

Brian blinked before finally look downat himself.

Various bruises on his arm fromdifferent IV’s and blood draws Burn marks on his chest. And a line running downhis chest, all stitched and taped up.

A number 1, almost.

Not a zero.

He looked up to Freddie, jaw hanging.

“You needed a bypass, Bri,” Freddiesaid, a nervous hand rubbing his neck.

“W-Why?” Brian choked out, his mindhaving gone blank.

Roger snorted from across the room. “Youknow why,” he said bitterly.

And it was true. Brian knew why.

The room was quiet except for Deacy’smuffled sobs.

“I…I…the…I..can’t bloody think withyour crying, John!” Brian snapped. He didn’t mean it, he really didn’t.This..illness made him do horrible things. Nasty things.

John responded by growing smalleralthough his crying didn’t. Freddie wanted to bark back, but this wasn’t right.None of it was. Instead, he grabbed John and left the room. Roger was the onlyone who could talk to Brian about serious stuff anyways.

Brian gulped when the door slammedbehind the two. Now it was just him and R-

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Rogerasked, playing with the hem of his shirt. There was no malice in his voice.Just a simple question.

“I..didn’t think anything was wrong,”Brian said, which was the truth.

This, whatever it was, made the worldsplit in two. Reality and what went on his brain both felt real. He knew he wassick, but he wasn’t. He knew he was skinny but he wasn’t. He knew he was dyingbut he wasn’t. It was hard to know the truth sometimes. All the times. It washard to reach out when everything felt both okay and crumbling. Which was thetrue one?

Roger let out a puff of air from hisnose, eyes fluttering shut, desperate for sleep. In times of crisis, he seemedto be the only one capable of keeping their wits about, so he’d been on babysittingduty for nearly a month. He wanted his bed so bad.

He wanted his best friend too.

“That’s fair,” he said with a sigh.There was another silence between them before Roger got up and padded over toBrian’s bed side. He plopped himself onto the uncomfortably wet sheets but paidthem no mind, instead looking at the skeleton before him.

“We’re all really sorry, Brian. None ofus knew you were fighting a battle alone. We just thought…I don’t know what wewere thinking. But we thought you had a handle on whatever you were doing and thatwas wrong of us to just assume,”

“You needed us and we weren’t there.There’s only so much we can do about the past though, right? But we’re gonna behere for you from now on. When they send you to the psych w-“

“Psych ward?” Brian spat out, sittingup straighter in bed.

That’s where crazy people go. I’m notcrazy. I’m fine. I’m fine. I don’t belong there. They’ll make me eat. They’llmake me gain weight.

Roger just took in Brian’s anxiety, an uncharacteristicallygentle hand laying onto Brian’s bandaged chest.

With the sincerity and sweetness of amother, Roger said, “We almost lost you Brian. We almost had to bury you. We’renot going to let that happen again. You’re not going to leave us like that,”

Brian laid back against the bed, hisonly veiny and pale hand going over Roger’s.

Nothing felt real. Nothing made sense.Nothing was good. But he knew he could trust Roger. That infernal voice buzzingin his head might have been his constant companion, but Roger was his bestfriend. And best friends don’t lie.

Brian blinked away a few tears, hiswhole body tired, in pain and in a mental tug of war, but he said, “Okay,”Roger collapsed for the first time in weeks.

♚

John held onto Brian so tight, his faceburied into his neck. He would prefer to never let go, but he knew he had tosoon.

“Brian, I lo- you’re my best friend,okay? Get better?” he said before letting go. Brian smiled, patting his back.

Freddie came in for a hug next, meltinginto Brian’s embrace.

“I need my guitarist back. My soul brother,”Freddie said, kissing Brian’s cheek.

Lastly was Roger who just held out hishand for a shake. A firm one.

“See you soon, mate.”

Brian looked at all of them, taking intheir faces before he had to go. Wheeled out from the hospital and into the vanthat’d be taking him to the psychiatric ward.

The future ahead was scary and unknown,but he wanted to charge ahead. He wanted to live. For his friends, his family andmost importantly, himself. He wanted to play guitar and sing and eat and neverworry again.

All he wanted was to be four again.

Not zero.

Never zero.

Take heart my friend we love you

Though it seems like you’re alone

A million light’s above you

Smile down upon your home

#tw eating disorder #tw ED #tw ED mention #brian #anorexia #orthorexia #anorexic!brian #Anonymous #tw disordered eating #long post #longpost

[dxlanwrites]

"Old Roots" .1 (G.D)

A/N: After re-reading the series I didn't like how fast the plot developed so I've been rewriting the current parts that are up. Some parts are still the same, others are different and have added scene's. Here's part 1. She's a long one so watch out. Enjoy.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

~~~~~~~~~~

An eerie quietness fell over the neighborhood as I closed my car door. The quiet thumps of my boots hitting the broken slabs of concrete sidewalk were the only noise that could be distinctly heard. It had to be around 3 a.m by now but I wouldn’t of known since my phone was currently smashed to piece's on my living room floor. Pulling my leather jacket closer to my body to help keep out the chill, I neared my destination. About a block away at the end of the almost abandoned street sat a fairly new looking home surrounded by cars and motorcycles. A warm almost inviting glow was hidden behind the closed curtains that framed the windows. A soft buzz of chatter could be heard as I got closer. Carefully maneuvering my way through the vehicles, I stopped and stood at the bottom of the steps that led up to the door and front porch. Damn. I haven’t been here in years but everything still seemed familiar. I still knew every inch of this house as if it were my own which it basically was to my 16 year old self, but now it was all just a distant memory. Taking a deep breathe, I reluctantly made my way up the steps. My boots sounded heavy against the newly placed wood, no doubt alerting everyone inside that someone was out here. Pulling open the screen door that was the only thing separating me from my past, I raised my arm and moved my clenched hand forward. Only to stop mere centimeters from the wooden door. I should of just called, I thought to myself. There was no need to do this face to face, yet here I was. No more hesitating. I have to do this. I need to do this. Taking another deep breath and rolling my shoulders back to relaxed slightly, I brought up my knuckles banged them against the cold wooden door. Knocking hard three times, I backed up slightly and harded my facial expression. Game face. The chatter inside died down alittle and the sound of footsteps were nearing the door. As the lockes clicked unlocked, my breath hitched when realization finally kicked in. Here goes nothing. The door was swung open and the familiar scent hit me like a ton of bricks but I quickly pulled myself together, pushing back any emotions that dared to break the surface. Looking back at me curiously stood someone I’ve never seen before. He looked pretty young and old at the same time, had to be no more then 17. His scruff aged him more than it should of but his baby face showed his youth. The jet black hair of his layed messily underneath the hood that was lazily thrown up. His bright green eyes were shinning as if he was just laughing hysterically at something. The throat being cleared from this unknown boy helped regain my attention when he caught he taking in his features.

“Can I help you?” His deep voice rang out into the air as his eyes narrowed in on me. Mentally clearing my mind and straightening up slightly to help with the height disadvantage I was at, I began to speak. 

“You can help me by stepping aside and letting me in.” I said emotionless.

"And why would I do that?" He said leaning into the door frame as he crossed his arms.

"Because I said so. So move." I said getting slightly annoyed.

"Yeah. Okay." He said stepping back as if he was about to let me walk in, only to shove me back by my shoulder and began to close the door. Okay, I wont play nice then. Kicking my leg out to stop the door from closing, I pushed myself inside. Taken back from my sudden aggressiveness, he quickly put himself inbetween me and the destination i seeked.

“You have about 5 seconds to get off the property or you’ll regret it, little one.” He said down to me.

"Little one?” I repeated quietly as I moved in closer to him, dangerously close. Lifting up my hand, I gently traced my finger down his jawline stopping at his chin.

“Oh honey the only little one here is you.” I said grabbing the collar of his hoodie and pulling him out of the doorway and onto the ground of the porch.

“Word of advice, never threaten me again. Or you’ll regret it.” I hissed at him. As I walked in, memories began to flow. Everything looked fairly the same, some changes had occured throughout the years though. New furniture, fresh layer of paint on the walls, pictures in picture frames taken out and replaced with new memories. A loud familiar laugh soon invaded my ears as it came from where the living room should be, unless that changed too. Before I could chicken out and run away, my feet were already reluctantly  moving me in that direction. Fast and loud footsteps were heading my way as I made my way ddeeper inside, no doubt from the boy I just met. When his figure emerged from the corner and spotted me, he lunged forward and tried to grab my arms only to be kneed in the groin and pushed onto the floor. This small commotion caused everyone to turn from their spots on the couches and look at the noise. Confused and shocked faces met my hardened one as they spotted me. No one said anything, just stared back with blank expressions, except for a brunette whose tits were basically pouring out of her tank top.

“Who the hell are you?” She said standing up from the recliner. Before she could take a step forward the arm from the guy next to her shot out infront of her to stop her from moving closer. She looked up confused as to why she was halted and was about to say something but the sound of glass breaking beat her to it. Looking to my right to where the shatter came from I saw a familiar face. My heart skipped a beat in excitement as my eyes connected with his. 

“Y/n?” He said in pure and utter shock. A smile spread across my lips as I closed the distance between us and ran into his arms. A few seconds later after his mind click on and realized I was real, he returned my hug and held me tight against him. I don't know what came over me to run into his arms like that but I was secretly happy I did. I hadn’t even noticed a single tear left my eyes until we broke apart to get a good look at one another when he quickly swiped it off my face. 

“Ethan.” I said breathlessly. His small smile grew bigger as he released me from his grasp. Our little moment was ruined by a deep groan from behind me, turning around I completely forgot about the boy I kneed a moment ago.

“What happened to you?” Ethan asked as he peered past me. The boy didn’t say anything instead just pointed at me instead. 

“She did this? Y/n, you’ve been here for not even 5 minutes and are already causing trouble.” He teased.

“What can I say, trouble seems to follow me. In my defense he didnt let me inside when I was being nice then he threatened me then basically came at me so he’s lucky all he got was a kick to the balls.” I said blankly.

“Still got it I see. Attitude and all.” He laughed.

“Kinda hard to forget. Blame it on the muscle memory.” I joked. Ethan rolled his eyes and bent down to pick up the glass from his cup he broke. Someone else I didnt know got up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen to get a broom.

“Damn y/n in the flesh. Never a sight I thought we’d ever see again.” A voice said behind me. I turned around just in time to see two large bodies come hurling at me, wrapping me up in their arms and squishing me between them. I laughed shortly but quickly was over the unwelcomed contact, getting irrated and began pushing them off of me.

“No more y/n sandwhich!” I said facing them. 

“Aw c'mon y/n/n, you know you love it. Being between me and Russ is a fantasy of yours, we know it.” Tyler joked as he smirked at me. Roaming my eyes over their body, I couldn’t help but take in the sight in front of me. Definitely not those scrawny 17 year old boys I once knew. Fully grown men now stood in front of me with toned muscle flexing underneath their too tight of a shirt, jeans perfectly wrapped around there muscular legs. Rolling my eyes at his comment, I gave them a small smile in return trying not to crack too much and show my soft. Standing back, I began to take in the new faces around us. A few of the guys that were sitting on the couch watching everything unfold in front of them looked to be around our age while the other 3 relaxing in the floor looked to be in their late teens just like the boy I met at the door. Awkwardly standing around waiting for Ethan to return, my eeyes fell onto a specific spot of the leather couch.

"Take a load off y/n." Russ said taking his previous spot on the couch across the room. Slowly walking to the couch, I hesitantly fell back into the only familar couch that still sat against the wall. It was still in the perfect position to see the TV and best spot to get to the kitchen and bathroom. Taking a seat in the only spot where I ever sat. My spot. The left corner next to the table. Closing my eyes and letting my head fall back onto the couch, I let out a deep sigh and surprisingly allowed myslef to relax into the familiarity. I was brought back to reality from an obnoxiously loud laugh. Ethan was making his way over to me with two beers carefully hheld in his fingers. Putting out his hand for me to take one, e rose his eyebrow when I hesitantly took it from him. He sat down next to me as he laughed quietly and shook his head.

“It’s as if you never left.” He said taking a swing of his beer.

"Oh but thank god I did." I replied under my breath as I took a sip of my beer. Wincing at the strange taste I took my lips of the bottle.

“What the f-. Light beer?” I said looking over at Ethan.

"Yep. We’re trying to maintain our amazing bodies and beer doesnt really help. It was Grays idea.” Ethan said nonchalantly. Tensing up at his name I remembered the main reason I was here. I knew I was going to let myself get caught up with all the reminiscing and comfortiblilty that I would forgot the only reason I even came back here. Noticing my uncomfortably state he gave me a sympathetic look which I didn't like at all. Pushing all flashbacks and feelings away, I refocused myself. 

“Where is he E?” I asked not looking up from the spot on the floor I was staring a hole in.

“Around. He was pissed at everyone and everything earlier. Left in a rage. Wouldn't even talk to Hailey.” He said avoiding looking at me after the last sentence left his lips. 

“Hailey?” I asked looking up at him. He motioned over to the kitchen with his beer, ignoring my stare. Following the direction he motioned with, my eyes met the backside of the brunette from before. Her bootyshorts road up her ass showing alittle too much booty. 

“Figures.” I laughed as I downed my beer. Ethan laughed at my remark and silently agreed with a simple head nod. 

“But seriously Eth, where is he? I didn’t just come here to take a trip down memory lane.” I said looking at him.

"Then why are you here?” A deep voice asked from the other side of the room. Freezing up instantly at the sound of his voice, I mentally cursed at myself for letting him take my by surprise and make me feel how I was. An overly excited squeal sounded out from the kitchen followed by footsteps.

“Baby!” The brunettes, or known as Haileys voice broke out into the silence that now hung in the air. From the corner of my eye I saw him quickly dismiss her as he walked closer to us. I smirked inwardly a little but instantly dropped it to remain my neutral look. Giving myself a small pep talk, I reluctantly rotated in my spot and faced him. As soon as my eyes hit his hazel ones, I knew I was a goner. So many emotions flowed through my body at once, I didnt know which one to react with first. Neither of us said anything as we stared at eachotheer allowing the tension to grow in the air. Ethan put a reassuring hand on my thigh to help edge me on, in which Grayson quickly took noticed of right away and narrowed his eyes. Noticing the slight change in his demeanor, I pushed Ethan’s hand off of me like it was on fire. Standing up and placing my beer on the table I stood face to face with him.

“Grayson." I said emotionless as my nails dug into the palm of my hand to help me not shake. Somehow his expression hardened at the sound of his name slipping past my lips.

“Why are you here?” He asked sternly boring his eyes into me as he crossed his arms against his broad chest making his muscle’s flex. In any other moment I would of been drooling over the pure sexual power oozing from him in that tight black shirt but I knew what he was doing. He was trying to intimidate me.

"We need to talk.” I said steadily. He made no advancement to reply or pay any attention to my request. Looking to my side where Ethan sat, I gave him a look we used to share many times when Grayson was being difficult. Grayson was quick to take notice of the smiles that threaten to spread on mine and Ethans face. An animalistic like growl escaped his lips making my head snap towards him.

"Don't even." I warned. That sound was all too familiar to me from the countless fights between me and him or whenever his overprotectness would emerge.

“Excuse me?” He said harshly taking a long stride towards me. Challenging him was one thing he had always told me he admired about me but it always pissed him off none the less. When he was in arms length distance of me and made no motion to be stopping anytime soon, I extended my arm out as it collided with his hard warm chest. At the mere contact he stopped all movement.

“Let's be civil. Talk like the adults we are, or well how I am. I dont know about you.” I sassed as I removing my hand off his chest.

“Im busy.” He said coldly pushing past me. Grabbing at his bicep and turning him around to face I gave him a hard look. I heard someone intake a hard breath as they watched me man handle him.

“Grayson Bailey! If it wasn’t important I wouldn’t of dragged myself back into this shithole.” I said angrily at his childish antics which earned a couple of defensive ‘heys’ from the boys.

“Shithole? Well this 'shithole' used to be your home.” He scuffed and pulled his arm out of my grasp.

“Gray, please.” I said as it came out barely above a whisper. Looking up at him, I noticed he was already staring down at me with an unreadable expression. He narrowed his eyes at me and knitted his eyebrows together as if he was thinking. Then in a blink of an eye, wrapped his large hand around my wrist and pulled me behind him without another word. 

“But baby-” An annoying whine called out from close behind us as we walked out of the living room. Grayson stopped mid step, making me inconveniently slam into his back and instinctively wrapping my freed arm around his waist. He didnt turn around but just turned his head back slightly to look at Hailey. 

“Leave us alone. I’ll deal with you later.” He said as he contiuned to walk and head towards the stairs. Ethan was causally leaned up against the wall no doubt waiting for us when he finally spoke.

“Gray man, let’s take a second to calm down. No need to be rash.” He said calmly as he tried to reach for my wrist in Graysons grasp. Grayson pushed him back slightly as he brought me forward so my back was now securely pressed up against his chest with his arm holding me in place by my waist. As soon as Ethan took in the expression Grayson was giving him and my knowingful gaze, he lifted his hands up in surrender and backed away back into the living room. He knew how things were going to get settled between us and as soon as Grayson and I had made eye contact but he hoped it wouldn't. Ethan would never admit it but he was always proud and happy for me when I finally left because he knew I could finally be who I wanted to be and reach my full potential instead of being stuck here and never see what the world had to offer. Without warning Grayson quickly rushed up the stairs with me in his arm, almost making me fall over my own damn feet.

“Fuck Grayson, I can walk on my own!” I said pushing myself out of his grasps. He ignored my whine and walked to the far end of the hallway where his bedroom still sat. Following him towards his room, he waited for me to get inside then slammed the door shut. 

“Talk.” He said harshly as he walked into his large walkin closet, stripping himself from his shirt and throwing it a basket in the process. He walked back out a few moments later in a pair of sweats that hung low on his hips and a t-shirt thrown over his shoulder. If I say so myself he has definitely been keeping his body in check. 

“Sit.” He said pointing to his bed as he pulled on his shirt. 

“No. Do I look like a dog?” I said crossing my arms and leaning back against the door.

“Did it fucking sound like an option? And well you are a bitch.” He said as he grabbed my arm and pushed me onto his bed.

“If you keep manhandling me, I’ll swear I’ll chop of your dick Dolan.” I said glaring up at him as I sat up from my thrown position. All he did was roll his eyes and make his way over the the desk that sat in the far corner near to the window. I noticed a small digital clock that sat on the desk and it read 4:45 a.m. Letting out a breath I didn't realized I had held in, all the exhaustion I have been holding back seemed to finally release myself as I let myself fall back into the bed. 

“I said sit, not lay.” He said still facing away from me.

“Never listened to you before so why start now.” I said rolling onto my side to face his direction. He was looking at paper work that was scattered on top of the desk when he felt my gaze on him, making him twist around and looked at me. He seemed to get lost in his own thoughts as he watched me. His face seemed to soften up somewhat before it disappeared and he turned around.

“Don’t lay like that.” He said bringing his attention back to the papers in front of him.

“Lay like what? I’m literally just laying down.” I said annoyed as I sat up. 

“Like you used to when I worked. Like you belong there, in my bed.” He said as his shoulders drooped..

"But Hailey can lay in your bed because she belongs here right?” I said surprising myself at the petty jealousy that was laced in my voice. He had stopped moving as his back muscles tensed back up. 

“She doesn’t come in my room. She especially does not lay in my bed.” He replied. Feeling somewhat satisfied with his answer, I took a moment to look around the room. It was pretty much the same. All the same furniture was still there just moved around, shelves still held the same objects, clothes were still all over the floor. His bed side table still held my initials I had carved in many years ago so that any girl he brought home after me would know hes will always be mine. Reaching out to touch my engraved initials, memories of that day flowed back.

"What are you doing." Graysons voice said startling me slightly.

"Nothing." I replied as I moved my book over the small scratches.

"Baby, guilt is written all over your face." He said walking into his room and over to where I layed. Staring down at me, he tried to pick out any sign as to what I was just doing. When my eyes twitch to the left a little his gaze followed as he investigated the side table. He noticed the small curved wood scraps from when I removed them with his switch blade. Pushing the only thing on the table to the side he stared down at my initial for my first name on it.

"What were you doing?" He asked. Some anger rushed through him at the thought of you ruining his furniture but he was also very curious.

"I was engraving my initials." I said making eye contact with his beautiful hazel orbs.

"Why?" His deep voice asked.

"So that any girl you bring into your bedroom after me knows that you will always be mine." I said staring at my unfinished job. He stayed quiet after my little jealous explosion and simply grabbed his switch blade that was closed up in my hand and contiuned to carve my last names initial in right next to me first.

"No girl will ever come in here after you cause your it for me." He said leaning down and cupping my face gently in his hands. Smiling up at him, I wrapped my arm around his neck and pulled him down towards me. His soft lips met mine as a smile broke out from him.

Getting brought back from my flashback from his gaze I could feel on me as I mindlessly traced over the edged markings, I knew he felt that same way I did. Dangerous waters we were treading. The possibility of opening up wounds that have been healed up for the past four years was closer then I wanted. Sighing, I lifted myself up off the bed and walked over to where he was standing. Reaching into my pocket to grab the reason I was here, I unfolded it and layed it out infront of him. He quickly grabbed it as he read it over and spun around to face me. 

“Where did you get this.” His asked as his voice came out strained as if he was trying to hold his emotions back. 

“It was in my apartment, attached to this.” I said pulling out the picture I had in my other pocket. He grabbed the photo from my hands and stared down at it before snapping his head up to look at me.

“Im serious. Tell me where you got this y/n.” He said a little more louder this time.

“In my apartment! On my fucking cutting bored with a knife stabbed throught them." I replied annoyed. He ran his fingers through his hair and pushed past me.

“Don’t fucking play games!” He yelled as he turned to face me. His face was slightly red and his muscle’s were really protruding. 

“Play games?! Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think I would of came back here if I was 'playing games'. The last place I would ever want to be is back here with you.” I yelled at him as I clenched and unclenched my fists at my side. He seemed slightly taken back by my outburst but quickly stiffened back up as he dropped the paper and photo on the bed and walked over to his dresser. After rummaging through one of the draws, he pulled out a metal box and brought it over. Opening it up he dumped out all of the piece’s of paper that were held with in. Looking down at them, I noticed they all had the same thing written on all of them in the same hand writing.

What’s poor old Grayson Dolan without his girl? And I don’t mean that little whore you’ve been keeping around. How’s y/n? She looks good, too good. Makes me want to have her squirming underneath me as she cried out in pain.

They were all similar to the note I got. Same messy hand writing and same type of paper, but my referred to Grayson and told me things werent as they seemed also mine came along with a picture of Gray and I when we had to be around 18 years old, sitting outside on the porch with me on his lap. Honestly I didn’t know what to say. Grayson had physical hand written threats targeted against me and decide to just keep it a secret. As soon as I saw the note and pitcure at my place, I was in the car making the 3 ½ hour drive over here without thinking but he didn’t even think to even pick up the phone to tell me.

“How- how long have you had these?” I said looking at the piece’s of paper as a moment of silence fell over us.

“A couple months. I recieved some pictures too of you, they looked recent.” He said unbothered. 

“What?! A couple months? You've received threats against me for months and got pictures of me recently? Are you fucking kidding me? Did you even think to tell me or was the small brain of yours too stupid and thought ’oh I better not tell y/n cause im a selfish dumbass and only does whats best for me, fuck y/n right? Who cares what happens to her’.” I yelled at him. He stood there taking my yelling with a clenched his jaw then began putting the papers back into the box along with my note and my picture. Once everything was put away he turned to walk back to his dresser.

“Stop ignoring me! What th-” I began to yell but he interrupted me by the loud sound of him slamming the dresser draw close.

“IM NOT FUCKING IGNORING YOU! If you would shut up for just a goddamn second and let me talk then you would of found out I handled the fucking situation already!” He screamed back at me. As he took a step forward I took one back. I wasnt necessarily afraid of him but I knew he was unpredictable when he was mad.

“What do you mean took care of it? Cause from where Im standing it looks like you didnt.” I said. 

“When I said I took care of it, I took care of it.” He said walking towards his door and opening it up.

“Now get out and leave.” He spat out at me. 

“You're joking right?” I asked in disbelief. Shaking my head I stood up but didnt make a move towards the door.

“After all these years I really would of thought that ego of yours would of actually shrunk but damn was I wrong. 'I took care of it'. What type of shady crap are you back into now? Or did you never leave that part of your life behind like you always promised you would. Cause from what I remember you told me you stopped working for those guys only for me to find you beating some guy almost to death a week later over some money he owed you. Then on top of all that bullshit I found out you had your own little gang and BROUGHT ETHAN INTO IT! And we all know how that ended, don’t we Grayson.” I said as anger rose in me. He looked over at me from the spot on the wall hes been staring at and I could of sworn his eyes darkened. 

"You're the one who left. You walked away. I was done with all of that shit then you left.” He said dangerously low as he stalked towards me.

“And why do you think I left? Huh? Maybe cause I was tired of you lying to me, coming back home at ungodly times of the night, bruises all over, money just coming in from nowhere, PEOPLE TRYING TO GET TO YOU THROUGH ME. The list goes on and on! Remember Marcus? What happened there? Who’s fault was that? Who’s fault was it when I was in the hospital for three goddamn days because of a fucking gun shot wound? Huh? I was FUCKING 17 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I missed most of my stupid senior year because of you. I didn’t go to prom because of you! Couldn’t go to graduation! I almost didnt get the chance TO GO FUCKING COLLEGE BECAUSE OF YOU! My own parents basically disowned me when they found out I got pregant with your baby only to have that fucking miscarriage. I gave up my entire life for you. So dont you fucking stand there trying to acting all innocent and try to blame anything on me. I left because loving you was the DUMBEST DECISION I had ever made!” I yelled. I didnt even notice the tears that were falling down my face until my eyes became so blurry I couldn’t see. I reluctantly let out a loud whimper as a pair of arms wrapped around me and held me against its chest.

“No! Get away from me. I hate you! I hate you.” I said as I punched at his chest and tried to get away. Memories I hadn’t thought about in years kept flooding my mind as I cried hysterically into Graysons chest. The whole house stood quiet expect for my loud uncontrollable sobs. I had soon forgotten that the door was wide open and that everyone obviously had to of heard everything, which made me cry even more. Soon later my sobs quiet down and the tears dried up but my body was drained emotionally and physically. I felt Graysons grasp loosen slightly on me but still held me close as he gently removed my jacket. In one swift motion he had me up in his arms then placed me gently into the middle of his bed. Removing my boots, he pulled up the blanket that was draped messily on his bed and placed it comfortably on top of me. When he was about to pull away, something in me reached out to grab his arm and pull him slightly towards me. He pulled away lightly to much of my dismay as he walked away and closed the door. I thought he had left but soon the lights were shut off and the corner of the blanket lifted up from behind me. Once he was settled in and somewhat relaxed I scooted back trying to get some sort of body contact I was craving at the moment. To my surprise he was on his side facing me so that when I wiggled back his chest was pressed up against my back. He stiffened up at the contact and didnt dare move so I reached behind me, grabbing at his free arm and wrapped it around me. He quickly relax into my touch and tightened his grip around me bringing me close to him. 

"Gray..” I whispered as my eyes stung from the tears forming again. He quietly hushed me and kissed the top of my head as he pulling me closer into him. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks and from the wetness on the back of my neck and uneven breathing in my ear. I could tell he was crying as well. 

“I’m sorry.” He said softly and he hugged me closer soon lulling us both to sleep.

#grayson dolan #grayson dolan imagine #dolan twins #ethan dolan #dxlan writes #old roots