#this shit makes me CRAZY dysphoric
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so. today one of my bosses walks in and says theyre giving us all name tags. all of the name tags have pronouns on them. they did not ask what pronouns we wanted or even if we were comfortable having them on our nametags at all. mine says [deadname] she/her
#almost cried at work at 8 in the morning . :(#the crazy thing is this is a very 'everyone go around and say your pronouns' type place and i have NEVER. ONCE. AT ALL. said she her#and yet!! you feel the right not only to make that assumption but to put that on my nametag on my behalf#i fucking hate it i hate performative activism i hate everyone say your pronouns i hate cis people pretending to be allys when they dont#actually give a shit about what makes trans people feel comfortable and safe#i do not want pronouns on my nametag at all !! i do not want to have to choose between outing myself to strangers and misgendering myself !!#but this is the choice i am being forced to make. in the name of being transssss inclusiveeeee ! okay#we loveeeee diversity and inclusion <- LMAOO you have ONE black employee (me) and you force them to misgender themself. lol.#and this is on top of the fact that i have already felt very dysphoric and just like. gendersad lately. what everr#nottttt doing well !
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Hiii!! Local trans guy here,could I request the 2012 turtles with a really strong trans partner? I know one thing that makes me feel really masculine is being strong:D!!
A/N: Happily!! And I can understand being strong does make you feel really masc! I am so sorry this came out a lot later than I wanted like I think 2 years ahead of deadline, life has been crazy like I'm a junior now and I'm 17. Hope you like what I wrote though!
FEM DNI
2012! Turtles with Trans Masc S/O who’s really strong!
Leo
Leo loves the fact that you're strong.
honestly all the turtles do.
he will still want to protect you and make sure you don't get hurt.
but it reassures him to know that you can handle your own in a fight if you need to.
He loves to be carried by you.
makes him feel like you're his knight in shining armor.
he also picks you up to make you feel the same dw.
he does spar with you and is genuinely surprised when he loses to you!
he likes to spar with you as to challenge himself and to get better at fighting.
and so you get better at fighting as well!
will ask you to cosplay the like captain from space hero's
totally not because he's in love with him and you and it would be super cool if you did that combining the two things he loves-
totally not-
likes to watch you fight
not as much as Raph
but he will sometimes look over at you with a loving gaze as you knock out an enemy.
does not care that you're trans
none of the turtles do
mutant turtle that is rejected by society he can't Judge!
also he helps you whenever you are feeling dysphoric
will tell you that you are the most handsome and strongest guy he knows
and loves
Raph
LOVES THAT YOU'RE STRONG
IT MEANS HE CAN SPAR WITH YOU!
AND YOU CAN KEEP UP WITH HIM!!
he definitely works out with you and gives pointers as to how to be stronger.
please carry this man like a princess.
he adores it
he adores you
as mentioned before he loves sparring with you
since you're strong like him it doesn't mean he has to hold back!
and he loves that!
and he genuinely is a good sport when he loses to you
and that's totally not because he likes being thrown around by you
absolutely not.
he also likes it when he wins against you
inflates his ego.
he also loves fighting in battles with you and loves watching you fight
like he will just be starring at you so lovingly as you smash a Kraangs metal skull
he's just smitten
has to have someone yell at him to stop starring at you
he adores you and absolutely loves the fact you're strong.
Also makes sure you don't feel dysphoric
genuinely angry whenever he hears someone was transphobic to you
or was just mean to you...
they get a little visit from Raph and get beaten the shit out of-
like how dare they say that to his handsome and strong boyfriend
he don't care if your strong and can beat people up yourself
he will still beat them up himself.
Donnie
again all the turtles love that you're strong
same with nerd over here (I say that affectionately)
he helps you with becoming stronger
likes diets
and workouts that help
and he gives you workouts that will help with your gender dysphoria
like he will give you workouts that make your body more masculine
if you want that of course
he asks for your help a lot to pick up big heavy things he can't
genuinely your biggest fanboy
loves to have you there helping him by being his brawns
has definitely written fanfics of you two
and it's the jock x nerd trope
he doesn't tell you about them
much like Raph he just stares at you adoringly while you fight an enemy
takes a lot to snap him out of it though
literally have to bonk him out of his trance
he just is absolutely smitten with you
definitely has a folder dedicated to pictures of you working out
for research purposes
doesn't spar with you unlike his brothers
mainly because he is more into computers and tech rather than fighting.
but he definitely roots for you as you fight his brothers
fucking loves it when you beat Raphs ass
Mikey
Loves your strength
Loves to be picked up like a pretty princess by you
Calls you his knight in shining armor
Showers you in kisses whenever he can
Goofball over here will flirt with you a lot though
Constantly flirting and complimenting you
Like calling you handsome, or hot
Compliment him as well he loves it
Definitely made you dress up as a knight while he dressed up as a prince
He just loves it
Has made you play DND with him
He loves sparring with you
and also watching you beat his brothers sometimes
Mikey adores you
and will watch you with heart eyes as you fight much like his older brothers
but he can multitask, he's fighting while admiring you
its impressive.
throws himself in your arms after a fight
he loves you and adores you.
#tmnt x reader#male reader#male reader blog#donnatello#2012 tmnt#2012 leo#2012 mikey#2012 raph#2012 donnie#2012 tmnt x reader#headcannons#hcs#tmnt headcanons#tmnt donatello#tmnt leo 2012#tmnt leonardo#tmnt michelangelo#tmnt raphael#tmnt raph 2012#tmnt donnie 2012#tmnt mikey 2012#teenage mutant ninja turtles#transgender#transmaculine#ftm reader#x male reader#transmasc#transmasc reader#trans reader
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Today I had an observation and evaluation with a program supervisor at my internship and it went really well!
Most notably though, afterwards during the debrief she made a comment about how I always have a super good attitude. All of my marks on all of my observations and evals have always scored me crazy high for positive environment, good rapport, good attitude, etc. She was like, "Have you always been like this? Like, were you just this bright smiling confident little boy that was friends with everyone?"
And it was just crazy to hear. I honestly kinda laughed and was like... NO. I explained my backstory a little--Truth be told I was one of the shyest people I have ever known as a kid/preteen/teen. I would make up excuses to avoid going to restaurants with friends because I would feel like I was going to throw up from the anxiety imagining ordering something. I couldn't look people in the eye, couldn't shake their hand, I was terrified to meet new people in any context. I heard the phrase "come out of your shell" 50000000000000x from teachers and other Trusted Adults. My parents were always on my case about it. I remember being like, 12 or so and my mom asked me to run into the store and pick up some milk while she stayed in the car and I just couldn't even IMAGINE a world where I would do such a thing. Like, this is such a vivid memory to me, I remember my mom was annoyed and said something like "How are you going to survive one day when you live on your own?" and I legit could. not. imagine. ever being able to buy something at a store and check it out and deal with a grocery store employee face to face. It legit felt impossible.
As an older teen I started making a really, genuine, honest, active effort to change. Slowly. Truth be told I hated how I was. The social anxiety was symptomatic of a kind of larger issue or a bunch of interconnected issues. I was the pickiest eater I knew. I had dealt with genuine psychotic episodes from around age 14. I had trouble maintaining a single friendship. I was having panic attacks so bad I would end up puking. I was extremely dysphoric and didn't want to be perceived by anyone; I knew nobody would see me as anything but a girl but I felt like I was in genuine danger if I said anything, so I just felt like I was lying to everyone, all the time. It was a lot. I wasn't happy. I made a lot of small changes. Some of these were lifestyle-related: I left public school and switched to independent study. I graduated early and started going to my community college. I got involved in clubs that interested me. But honestly a lot of them were more, like... psychological? Personality-based? More intangible things. I feel like I started engaging with some really introspective shit like
Asking myself, what am I so afraid of? What is the worst that could happen? And actually going through the motions of picturing all of those things, and how I would realistically deal with them, and also realizing that none of it was actually that bad, at all. I could manage literally any of the things I was terrified of, and a lot of the time, there was nothing to be terrified of at all.
Reconceptualizing my social anxiety as an extremely selfish, self-destructive mindset. I think this is going to sound controversial but I believe a lot of my social anxiety was born from being too obsessed with myself. Not in a positive way; I HATED myself. But I was too obsessed with how other people viewed me. I was too obsessed with how I was perceived. To the point that I was treating other people cruelly. You know that tweet that's like "I told my husband that sometimes I worry he hates me and secretly gets annoyed by me, and he said that it made him sad and he wished I wouldn't think of him that way"? Yeah. This also meant doing stuff like developing better social skills for conversing with people that centered them instead of me, like learning how to recognize social cues that didn't really come naturally, asking more questions, being more expressive/reactive, allowing other people to talk first... little things.
But also developing conviction in myself! Realizing that if someone DID think I was stupid, or annoying, or was unnecessarily rude or cruel to me, that they were the one in the wrong. Becoming more confident in knowing who I am and what I'm about, so that if someone judges me, that's on them, not on me. I don't exist for other people. I'm doing my thing authentically, and if other people can't see that, that's on THEM, not on ME.
The two nails in the coffin that buried my social anxiety six feet under for good was getting into the goth/dark alt community and transitioning. Both of these were legitimately life saving. I already loved the music, but I found myself actually wanting to be apart of the community surrounding it. I wanted to go to concerts and see my favorite bands, I wanted to go to clubs and hear the music I love played loud and dance to it. I wanted to dress up and appear Cool to the people I found cool. I literally had to get over it--And when I did go to concerts and clubs and interacted with other musicheads, they were the friendliest, most accepting people I had ever met. It wasn't even that I clicked with everyone instantly, I didn't make any long term friends overnight, but they were nice. They were understanding. They didn't judge me for being a baby bat who was literally bringing his mom to shows lmao. Being in the goth community made me love people, honestly.
And obviously transitioning was just... life saving, in every single sense of the phrase. I would not be alive or who I am in any capacity today if it weren't for transitioning, and it lifted a burden so heavy off of me that it's hard to really fully process the person I was before versus who I am today. Honestly, I almost feel like you could delete everything else and just have this post become a rant about how much transitioning and overcoming my social anxiety has a 1:1 correlation and how much dysphoria masks itself as or at least severely worsens other conditions. I'm genuinely happy now. I enjoy meeting other people. I love being seen as the man I am, navigating society and being authentically me. I think my social anxiety was inseparable from dysphoria. I think my dysphoria was genuinely deeply incapacitating in ways even I couldn't articulate or even fathom.
I did not tell my supervisor all this, LMAO. She doesn't even know I'm trans. I'm stealth to everyone in my program except higher-ups or individuals in my cohort who I've spoken with. But it just had me thinking A LOT about how far I've come. What I did tell my supervisor is, and I stand by this, that I think I'm generally considered a Likable Person™ who promotes Positive Environments™ because it's something I had to work my ass off for. It did not come naturally, and I think it's why I'm so, so cognizant of it.
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that post reminds me of some insane takes ive seen on modesty lately. im pretty sex positive, actually, but the fact that "progressive" people will call women mormons or "amish" for "not showing enough skin" or "not dressing sexy" makes me want to kms. god forbid women try to escape sexualization because even if you're as "modest" as possible men will still harass you about your body. ive seen a tgirl get shit for covering up too even though she just preferred baggy clothing because she's dysphoric. its insane
i'm so fed up with it 🥹 "sex-positivity" as a term in the mouths of liberals means NOTHING... so at this point i just embrace being an Evil sex-negative radfem lol. like yep, i definitely hate sex because i want women & gender minorities to have good sexual experiences at their own pace! but it's a little true as, the only way #they can think of sex is as violent submission so, i guess "sex-negative" is fair enough
like truly i could go insane. a vast majority of people prefer to oversexualize publicly rather than privately (modesty) but there is so little the in between of just... seeing women as people that my brain could explode. bit of a tangent but it's so crazy how ppl find it so difficult to acknowledge women's agency while also acknowleging how ones choices can be affected by society, and this is so prevalent in this issue not only in feminist critique but when ppl in the Society try to criticize women for um. Living in this society essentially.
and the transmisogyny of that last one... Mother of God. they really said state-sanctioned oversexualization is tied to the Womanhood. i will abolish it and [redacted] these people with my bare hands
#radical feminism#trans inclusive radical feminism#tirf#sex negativity#sex positivity#modesty#they hate women so blatantly its apalling#apalling how they get away with it#asks
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ok b4 i make these damn credit requests n send reports to customers i gotta write a bit of testicles philosophy that's been clankin around inside my cranium for a while. if u don't wanna read bout stuff like this pls scroll by but if u do pls bear with me while i talk about an incredibly sensitive topic that's almost impossible to tackle with any level of seriousness due to the Absurdity of transness
so im gettin neutered in 2,5 weeks. this has been a long time comin n now it's suddenly crystalized into a tangible date that's rly close (close enough that it alrdy caused sum Despair n schedulin stress on my part cuz im a anxious scaredy cat (sorry n thank u<3)). this is a huge fuckin deal. i've had dysphoria bout these guys for as long as i can fuckin remember. i'm nowadays pretty ok w/ havin a dick, but the accessories r abysmal n need to go.
first things first, they're uncomfortable. anyone who has some will attest that life w/ balls is at best bearable (mens underwear n pants leave a lot of space for convenience) n at worst horrid n painful (to safekeep reproductive capabilities they're equipped w/ a frankly ludicrous amount of nerve endings). i'm in almost a constant state of mild-to-severe discomfort cuz i'm very dysphorically aware of them at most times, like rn. they're always moving around no matter how well secured in place n the more u secure them in place the more uncomfortable it can get. n Adjusting their position especially in public no matter how stealthy i am about it makes me feel like some kind of a pervert cuz well i AM grabbing n moving my junk around. ugh. so this is very much a dysphoric "THIS BODY PART DOESNT BELONG" type situation.
secondly, i do NOT want to reproduce, especially not via inseminating someone. that's a horrid thought n makes me feel like some kind of a gigeresque parasite-spewing breeding maschine. note: this is a Personal Feeling, making n having babies is a perfectly normal thing to want to do. but i do not have the need to do it via my own biology.
third, FORM FACTOR. fuckin gods i own so many pieces of clothing that will finally fit nicely when im free of the two pain orbs attached near a very critical part of pants n underwear. i've looked at n adored how pants fit ppl without this kind of junk in the way forever n been so so envious even b4 i had the language to describe it. i rly hope it's as comfortable as i imagine it.
fourthly, i kno it's not a requirement to be an androgynous person to lack reproductive ability, but shit fuck godsdamn it, it will help with the feeling. kinda like how changin my legal gender was altogether very unimpactful (as it should be tbh...), but gave me self-confidence n entitlement in my identity. the idea of being physically something between genders is amazing n freeing as hell. masculinity has weighed heavy on my shoulders n this'll take some of the load off. stop giggling
fifth n final point that i have in mind rn: i can stop takin fucking spironolactone!!!!!!!! im convinced just this will be a huge quality of life improvement, i'm so dried up it's crazy. i piss like every couple of hours n my lower lip has been chapped af for weeks. t1d dries u up already i rly don't need an additional drug doing that. plus i'm p sure spiro has some side effects goin that i'm not even aware of but i'm eager to find out what changes.
all in all this is HUGE. i'm gonna probs cope w/ the wait w/ a lot of humor n some of this humor will make me more dysphoric (dysphoria has been growing the whole winter) but pls bear with my ballsposting soon i'll stop talking about them forever and i rly have NOT mentioned the guys ever cuz of the dysphoria so final chance to say goodbye i guess? lol. anyway gotta work now bye hope this was somehow revelatory re: my feelings w/ this whole issue for those of u who r for some reason interested in the general genital situation lmao
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do you support the marjorine-is-taller-than-kenny agenda
oh, 100%, babey! ( im the short kenny, tall marj agenda )
like do you know how BADLY i want kenny to give off tall, mysterious stranger energy, like dirtiest white boy in america, slimmer than jim, smirky, leaning over the hood of cars, chain link fence, chain smoking cigarettes, trailer park pretty, putting the slender in slenderman...
BUT THERE JUST AINT NO WAY BABY!!!!
the mccormicks are eatin wheathins as bread like if you whip out a ritz cracker around kenny that is Fine Dining for him, i mean that. like he is malnourished as fuck like probably barely missed fetal alcohol syndrome he is nooooooot...tall.
like he is giving Short King. like shorter than stan which is saying something because i made pep!stan like 5'8 and 3/4 ( listen those 3/4 mean a lot to him let him have those...its all he can reach xx )
like kenny is honestly giving 5'6"-5'7"
which at first i was...hm idk...BUT ACTUALLY I LIKE THAT BETTER? because i feel tall kenny could just give Well Thats Just A Tall Medium Ugly White Boy but short kenny??? i know that man has the moves.
like charms oozes out of every pore, everyones pants hit the floor, rizz level 10000%, like he cuts his hair with rusty kitchen scissors but it some how looks like mullet modern art, the little gap between his front teeth is like where most people want to LIVE, i feel like his voice is crazy oceanic levels of deep. like that shit ~REVERBERATES~
kenny was S TIER on the cfpom fight list ( one bc he could probably seduce u out of the fight or steal whatever he needs off of you ) but mostly bc i feel like he could probably knock u out in one go but will probably jump around and watch you swing and miss and hit yourself in the face before hes finally like i'm bored, sweet dreams <3 LMAO
i feel like anytime some douchebag is like yeah whatever ur short! hes like ok ask your girl how tall i was last night ;) KHDLKSHLD AAAAA
anyways short king kenny nation i could write Essays!!!! abt this
BUT TALL GIRL MARJ!!!!!! okay okay okay....so marj is def like 5'11"
like cfpom heights
kyle: idk i forgot how tall i said kyle was anywhere btween 6'1-3 TALL
*insert stan wowza noise* i maintain that style would have made out way more if drunk stan could reach kyles face...we were robbbed
marj: 5'11"
stan: 5'8 AND THREE QUARTERS SOMETIMES THE DOCS GIVE HIM LIKE AN INCH OR TWO IF HES 5'10 ITS A REALLY GOOD DAY FOR HIM TELL HIM HE LOOKS TALL PLS josh hutcherson energy
kenny: 5'6" i said what i said argue with ur mom, dad or grandmama
cartman: hes like 5'4" idk so much evil in that compact body
but i feel like marj hit a massive growth spurt in like 7th grade and shot up past EVERYONE and it was like...woah. and i think it just made marj really dysphoric unfortunately because i think she got a lot of random attention for getting tall but was very awkwardly fumbling around in that body, not confident, feeling all wrong :(
went on a lot of weird blind dates with bible studies girls...was really unhappy and felt kind of like a freak im so sad i love you marmar
also linda stotch i guess is petite satan and makes fun of women for being tall or not uwu small and dainty and men for not being super macho and masc ( stephen is probably scary tall ) so being tall was always this uncomfortable thing for her like it made her ugly :((((((
which is insane because kenny was like WOOF WOOF WOOF BARK BARK AWOOGA AWOOGA ONE CHANCEONECHANCEONECHNCE TALL LADY STEP ON ME PLEASE IM ON MY KNEEEEEEEEEEEES
he was...in heat for all of high school. i wish i was kidding.
kenny x stan x kyle x jersey x raven x horny boy max security prison
( off topic but i DO think pep!kenny has kissed both stan and kyle, uh stan we have SEEN [ too much, i do think they get a little handsy when drunk smh, physical touch kings ] and uh...a past kyle was trying to...test a theory...a queery...and kenny had a really good answer...stan is going to be jealous no one tell him about that OOF )
but after her transition i think marj is enjoying living large, being like 6 billion feet tall in high heels, picked kenny up by the scruff on the back of his neck and just carries him like a the world most beautiful knock off birkin bag and i support the simp short kenny agenda...i also think that marjorine is much scarier than kenny or even kyle
i think marj is nice and classy but if u try to grab her ass she will put you in the hospital and be like woopsie do! <3 SHES SCARY IN A BLESS YOUR HEART SOUTHERN LADY WAY I WOULDNT TRY IT
marj being tall is so near and dear to me, i just feel like kenny is always looking up to her and chasin after her and when they were little kids she was like smitten in love with him, he hung the moon if he looked at her once a month but in high school she was like im not playing these little games with you kenneth mccormick! no sir! when you're done runnin' around you can call me then but watch out i might not answer xx CLEEEEEEEEEEEEARED HIM LIKE WHEW!
( she also full names everyone like stan has never been stan, stanley forever, kenny is kenneth, cartman is eric, kyle is kyle...period. )
aNYWAYS! it worked she whipped the hell out of him amen...BUT YES SHORT KENNY TALL MARJ SUPREMACY OR AT LEAST THATS HOW IT IS IN MY FANFICS GET WITH IT OR GET STEPPIN
-uncle nina, short queen...unfortunately...i act 6'1" tho
p.s. kenjorine and style def do double dates otherwise known as marj and kyle taking their boyfriends out for a walk...woopsie do! <3
#i had too much to say abt this#HELL YA TALL MARJ SHORT KENNY#like something abt kenny being like 5 nothing and rizzing the hell out of everyone is so real#he is tall enough to ride that ride#i am obsessed w him#i also love tall modelesqe marj towering over everyone in heels hanging out w kyle#marj is like wow im so happy to be here and kyle is like everything sucks im going to kill everyone at the same height#theyre both at the function facepalming watching kenny and stan do messy party boy things and take turns dding#im talking too much i hope this makes sense#also i am sort of attached to dirtiest white boy in america mcwhoremick#but i DOOOO see the asian kenny panderverse vision and i might canonically change that in rm but im not sure#ITS THE REP WE DESERVE#also re: kenny and kyle kissing i think kyle was in like 8th/9th grade had not kissed another boy#and was like kenny...i think i may...be a massive gaywad#and kenny was like baby...i have been known...but yes u can kiss me about it SKLDHLKHDS#and he was like whEw yep THANK YOU i am sorry i called u stan and kenny was like disrespectful i have way more ass than that but ur welcome
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Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I’m pretty confident that I’m a trans dude, after thinking about it for many years, and I’ve been out to a couple of people for almost a year now, and being gendered correctly has felt amazing, but I can’t stop feeling like I’m crazy for feeling gender dysphoria or even euphoria. Like I know who I am identity wise, there’s just a voice in my head that tells me that it’s stupid that I care about this stuff. Is this something you can relate to at all? Sorry if the way that I phrased this was hard to follow I find putting any of my gender feelings into words really hard
Yeah, I think a lot of trans people who feel dysphoric are almost used to almost... gaslighting themselves because we're seen as weird/bad/wrong for caring "too much," I suppose.
It's understandable why you feel that way, I think many trans people have their struggles and joy minimized that in get internalized, and then the trans person feels wrong for caring about their dysphoria (and euphoria).
It's normal to both feel dysphoria and euphoria as a trans person and to feel bad about being dysphoric/euphoric or caring about their dysphoria/euphoria. You are not wrong, bad, or frivolous for feeling the ways you do. Cis people feel that shit all the fucking time - the only difference between trans people and cis people is that it's simply more normalized for cis people to feel dysphoria and euphoria.
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Kirideku headcanons because they’re my favorite and I am ✨mentally ill✨:
Gym dates. Dude,, they’re so supportive 😭
Listen, it just starts normal, and then “you’re so strong” “thanks, bro, you’re so manly!” “Aw, thank you, you’re so sweet!” “🥺💙 you’re so smart” “well, you’re so-“
Please help Uraraka. She is tired of their shit. She loves them, and she wants them to be happy, but goddamn. How sappy can too fools be?!
Study dates
Izuku once a gave kiri a bouquet of weights (my siblings idea, not mine, but one that I love)
Kiri helps comfort izuku after he has nightmares
Kirishima is trans. I will not accept anything else. Izuku reminds him how manly he is whenever he feels dysphoric
I talked about this in my rare pair post which you can find here (if I remember to link it) but, they ran into each other one night in the common room, izuku had woken up from a nightmare and kirishima was getting some water. Izuku was lightly dozing and kiri was like “hey, you want me to carry you to your room?” And they get to talking until the morning. Sero finds them there next morning and he knows what is going to happen 👁👁 Sero knows all
They are practically inseparable after a few weeks. Kiri called izuku when he was having a panic attack one time, and then the two stuck together like glue. The kiricrew and izucrew became the kiridekrew (curtesy of Uraraka)
Kiri knows he has a crush on izuku first, and he starts trying to hint at his feelings. Sadly for class A, izuku is incredibly dense when it comes to people liking him
Todoroki accidentally makes izuku realize that he has a crush on kiri by mentioning love languages. Izuku’s is words of affirmation, and kiri’s is gift giving. Shouto mentions that their love languages are very complimentary, and that they work well together.
Izuku is flustered and spends ye rest of the day like, “oh no”
He texts the izucrew group chat a 911, and they’re over in an instant
He tells them, and Uraraka is like “congrats, you’re officially the last one to know!”
Izuku is confused, and she explains that everyone knows. There is even a betting pool going around ua. Midnight and Sero started it.
They tell him that kirishima 10000000% likes him back, but our boy izuku has ridiculously low self esteem me too, buddy So he hides his feelings
Lucky for ua, kirishima is very intuitive! He also has low self esteem though.
Buuuuuuuuut, with both of them trying, class a and the extended members in the izucrew decide that their pining has gone on long enough. Mina and Uraraka orchestrated the operation
Operation get the lover bois to express their emotions
Shouldn’t be hard right? Both are very in tune with their emotions, we love to see it, right?
Yes actually! :D
They talk, and end up falling asleep cuddling! Both their phones have been blown up with texts
“You’ve been in there for hours, how’s it going????”
“DID YOU DIE????”
“If you died, who do I kill to avenge you? Because I can’t see kiri/izuku doing anything to hurt you :/“
“KIRI, CHECK YOUR PHONEEEEEEE”
“Izuku, did you commit a felony again??? Should we get Present Mic or Mr. Aizawa?”
“Kiri, if you died, can I have your hair dye?”
“Come out come out, you little shits! Literally. Come out and tell us how it went, we’ve been waiting here for hours”
“If you’re not out in five minutes, um eating ALL the ice cream”
“^^ They’ll do it, they’re crazy”
They leave izuku’s dorm the next morning to find the entire class + extended izucrew members in the kitchen staring at them.
The students note the hands being held and the kitchen erupts
Iida and momo telling everyone to quite down, Mina and toru are asking for the details, kami, sato, Aoyama, Jirou, mei, and sero are hyping them up
Uraraka and monoma are offering death threats
Tokoyami, Shouto, koda, shoji, ojiro, and tsu are just silently supporting them
It’s chaos
Classes that day are fun. They make a bet to see how long it takes for the teachers to find out
Sero and Mina tell midnight about it of course, they just ask her to keep it quite.
Izuku tells toshinori on accident
Mic finds out within the hour. He knows all, sees all. He mentions it to Aizawa that night who just goes, “weren’t they already a thing?”
No; Aizawa, no they were not 😔
They are not though!!!
They actually don’t become a duo, they feel like they’d be able to help more people if they worked separately and covered different shifts.
They’re both very high remaking heroes though, and are deeply loved by the public
Best bois
My children
#I love them so much#my father is yelling at out dogs :’)#oooo slamming doors now#spicy#one thing goes wrong and this man throws a temper tantrum#sir please#kirideku#bnha#mha#midoirya izuku#kirishima eijirou#kirishima x midoriya#bnha rare pair#rare pair#izucrew#dekusquad#kiricrew#uraraka ochako#mina ashido#dad might#dadmic#yamadad#dadzawa#momnight
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I love your mpreg art. It gives me like gender euphoria. I'm filled with the urge to get knocked up and be a dad. It's a bit confusing because I'm a Cis dude, but I'll figure it out. You're awesome.
Anon
AAAAAAAAA anon ;; LISTEN OM REALLY GLAD like whether y’all take my art as just spank bank fodder or more I’m still very grateful for the impact and reach it’s had letting ppl figure their shit out like I did. Gender is weird even when you align with your shit. Like when I first started transitioning and figured out I was trans yearssssss after discovering this fuck ass kink LMAO. I didn’t know a lot about the whole spanse of identities and chromosomes and intersex stuff. There’s so much overlay into everyone’s unique circumstances from hormones and genetics alone to how you were raised and what you were exposed to at pivotal development points, and then the broad overlapping distinctions and identities that give us closure and group support of ppl in the same or similar niche coming together. I get dysphoric still over my body but at the same time I’m cool with it most of the time and that in itself helped me understand trans is all over the place. You don’t have to be super dysphoric or dress to fit the look. You just be.
and preg as a kink/fetish/interest what have you is just an idk deeper look into our mortal animal need to breed and the deeper psychological need to create family and social support around us because at its core we crave contact and acceptance from each other and instincts to make a better generation. Not including the separate just kinky want to breed without committing to domestic life family LMAO. But ye Call me a man but my genderqueer ass is still ok, and wanting, to like embrace that part of what’s considered a “female” thing to do of raising kids. I’d still like a dope ass penis but I’m also ok indulging this fuck ass pussy and just enjoying being here.
A lot of this is a jumbled mess so take from it what you will and ask any clarifying questions on my opinions LOL but like tldr wanting this is not as crazy as it seems???? LMAO its closure in a sort of like new exploratory way as you figure out yourself, whether you change labels or not, but it feels good and right just being yourself. And I personally think it’s super cute and wholesome seeing that want in others over something as raunchy as preg kink to as simple as just wanting to be a parent and carry your own child regardless of the genetic organs you’re dealt
TLDR ILU ALL AND TYSM ;;
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being trans is crazy. as someone with not-so-bad dysphoria, sometimes I just Don't realise something is making me dysphoric (or euphoric). like getting my hair cut short for the first time and finally feeling like myself. or trying to bind my chest and realising oh shit having boobs actually really sucks (FOR ME. PERSONALLY). or just now coming to the revelation that actually I do have bottom dysphoria after being incredibly confused at how someone could possibly be happy with a vagina. learn something new everyday I guess.
#is this tmi?#kind of just a personal rambling bc I'm not going to randomly spring it on my friends#instead I'll tell internet strangers! whats the worst that could happen
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I like doing my little rant posts 2 people read so I'm doin it again this year :]
this time I finished something way sooner too
fatamoru... took me half a year to get myself to actually read it but well it's a classic and it's good as hell what can I say (spoilers under cut)
gonna link my longass livetweet thread here for posterity so it's not completely lost in the mire
this felt so targeted though it's legit dumbfounding. I went into it only recalling 1 and a halfish spoilers of 1) michel is the MC and 2) he had trans stuff going on and honestly if anything my jumping at shadows and going HUH WAIT ? the whole time knowing that kinda heightened the experience for me early on. I was about to say at first it was hard to know what parts of the story I should really sink my teeth into but I think that was the intended experience... these stories aren't yours etc...
the atmosphere and ost especially is also like soooo crazy good I was worried it'd be hard for me to stay focused on this game without voice acting but I was surprised how well it stuck even if some of the sfx are very obviously old and scuffed none of them took me out of it much (this has been a legit issue for me with some games.. the otomate sound library is really scuffed sometimes LOL) and even when the game was going over the same events, in different contexts etc it never started grating on me so that is a huge W. too many fucking games act like you just weren't paying attention when you were reading and it not only pisses me off but it's just so boring. so this avoiding that entirely was really good. GRIPPING. some of it was so edge of my seat I think I played for like 10 or more hours straight I thought I was gonna die but in a good way LMAO
I don't think I have anything interesting or poignant to say about the actual story itself other than despite everything I want jacopo dead, I totally get the point about letting go and moving on and a cycle needing to be broken and it was visceral and moving and so real to me. but also. jacopo deserved all that shit. everything else though I'm just sitting there yelling TRUE AS HELL!!!!!! really loud. I love you michel I love you giselle I'm gonna get u outta there morgana.
wait I lied. morgana as the white haired girl. it's not fucking fair.... I wanted to save her... I do think 'she' truly did become part of morgana again though, based just on how scared morgana was of didier at the end, at the cries of being called an unholy witch... a fear that only she held, morgana sort of reveled in being a witch in the course of carrying out the cruelty. but the saintly part of her feared that fall, that complete inversion of her self and the hatred it pointed towards her as well... man : ( ........... : (
I could write an essay specifically on the ways I relate to michel to a like genuinely scary degree the overlap made me sick to my stomach in the best way. but honestly I would be a weepy mess at the end of it so I don't wanna do all that. as an aside though apparently the author(s) have said he's "only intersex, not trans" but man I think that's a stupid as hell delineation to make. he's both. he was assigned 'female' at birth and was raised as a woman and chafed against the social role of 'woman'. IF ANYTHING I relate to him more about not necessarily feeling dysphoric/lacking in regard to his genitals on his own but more about the fact that that somehow invalidates his status as a 'man' being something that torments him. it's a topic that overlaps imo. but the fact the game handles it with as much tact as it does while being as old as it is surprised me. though I could see it being still too upsetting for some because the depiction of the trauma is kind of like. viscerally too real almost. when giselle described her abuse... it wasn't even descriptive in the disgusting voyeuristic way it so often is in other places, but the representation of how it just feels to be subject to that was so real that it really really fucked me up... I'M DOING THE THING I JUST SAID I SHOULDN'T AAHHH but well. it's really good. it's like eating a heavy but hearty meal where it's so good but I can feel it sitting in my stomach and the weight of it just makes me groan. does this even make sense anymore. man.
ok a selection of my fav screengrabs to play me off before I continue in such a manner.
GISELLE PUFFED CHEEKS VERY CUTE
#car's 2024 media#MY ONE SINGLE NITPICK I didn't like how gaze-y a lot of the giselle CGs felt especially considering the context but that's about it#well one nitpick other other than. jacopo moments#car talking
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cw: vent
ughhh i wish i could be masculine but still a woman, you make me jealous for some reason
sometimes i like being a man but not in the tradicional "man" way. i really wish i could be okay with being called "dad" and he/him without feeling so incredibly dysphoric
and it feels so unfair sometimes... i want people to see me as a woman but refer to me as man
but there are other times where i'm like: nope. i never want to be a man, i'm a real woman, why would i want masculinity
and oh god do not get me started on what i want for my body,, like i definitely want breasts and a pussy but like those aren't Boy Parts?? but i've been in this community for so long to know that genitals don't equal gender but penis gives me dysphoria but-
gender fluidity is just this, whole mess that i will continue to not understand
Aye shits crazy.
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tw// me being annoying
ok so like for gender and sexuality are completely divorced people shut up i haven’t reconciled that and ever since i came out and it has broken my brain >:(
i guess i am probably bisexual but i def like boys more but i seriously hate talking about dating stuff/attraction with my friends because i swear i can literally feel their perception of my gender change whenever i talk about it. it really scares me because like i will feel lots of guilt around my gender and how i’m “performing” and idk i’ve had so many experiences now where i’ll talk about boys i’m obsessed with and people will just talk to me like i’m a faggot or twink 😭 idk i usually feel pretty ok with how i’m perceived with friends but like as soon as i talk about attraction like i literally wanna put my hands on my head and rip my skin off. i’m def not lesbian but there’s like such a stigma around all trans girls being lesbians and i’m terrified to be seen that way too… i feel like people poke fun at it in both ways where if i like boys i’m gay and if i like girls i’m actually just a straight man and i can’t fucking win… i don’t know the amount of times i have been called a twink when i go out dancing has had such a bad effect on my sense of self 😵💫😵💫 (also fuck djboywife lol). it’s gotten to the point where i like literally get sad when gay men are attracted to me and it happens literally all the time. even last summer i was seeing this guy for like a month and he would say so much shit to me that wasn’t mean spirited but would get in my head so badly :-( like he would always ask my to top him and one time said my facial hair was tickling his face (immediately started laser after this) and i was like oh this person definitely sees me as a man :)))) and like i was dumb enough to ask him about it and he said he was attracted to how “androgynous” i am 😭
like i don’t know i don’t actually hate the idea that sometimes during sex i should feel more fem and sometimes i should feel more masc like that’s kind of a pretty idea but i swear i’ve had some of my most dysphoric moments during it and like i will literally go nonverbal.
and ALSOOO like big thing i hate the way other trans women talk to me so much. like haha funny trans women are all horny but literally they just say deranged shit to me that i doubt they would say to a cis woman so quickly and it makes me feel so gross like how about u be nice to me for like 10 texts instead of talking about what u want to do to me!!!! and then i feel like i can’t even be mad at them because i’m like a prude or something and should just be comfortable with people saying deranged shit to me when i barely know them just because we are both trans???????????? like i get being down bad sexting is fun but it’s seriously like the lack of even seeing me as a person before they start that that makes me wanna cry
really i’m just exhausted and angry because whenever i yearn i feel like i have to do it correctly or else it will affect people’s perception of me and it’s so fucking annoying. i could be literally crazy and projecting my insecurities ig but also like, i don’t know i see that pattern with how people treat me 😭😭 like i just wanna like pretty boys who actually see me as a woman but it always feels so impossible!!!!!!!!
anyways this was entirely incoherent i’m sure i started points and didn’t finish them but i’m not reading any of this again before i post i am just sad methinks
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Being someone who used to subscribe to that transmed bullshit. Literally all it is is projecting your own internalized hatred onto other people and trying to make yourself feel better by feeling like your identity is more genuine than other people's. Literally the same feeling that those "oh you have a nirvana shirt?? Name 3 songs" types chase after to feel superior to the icky posers
I am also someone who used to subscribe to transmed bullshit. It was actually when this blog was still going (but I didn't show it or try to allude to it because I knew I'd get shit for it).
It's trying to use other trans people as a scapegoat basically. It's basically trying to convince people that you're not like the over emotional and crazy leftist trans person like those stargenders.
Which can work to get people to tolerate you, but it can often backfire.
It's internalized hatred but for me I was just trying to find others that related to being dysphoric and miserable with it. It was incredibly lonely and the only people talking about what I was going through were transmeds.
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Fuck my life I don’t want to do this anymore I need a therapist so bad but I’m so scared to have to go through everything with a new therapist there is so much trauma it is never ending I want someone to understand why I feel the way I do no one gets it and every one thinks I’m crazy. I don’t see the couple friends I have enough I lack in all my friendships and I feel so slack. I got so angry today for the first time since being around you and I hate myself for acting how I did in my own bedroom. I hope Kayleigh didn’t hear I feel bad that I scared my rats but fuck I don’t know how to bond with her she just doesn’t trust me like her sisters do and it’s so exhausting I just want to give them a good life. I can’t stop crying every fucken hour the second you come into my brain I fucken recite that fucked up email everday thinking about the shit you said about him and the fucking picture of you two. Who the fuck does that to someone. I hate how much horrible shit you’ve done and still I think about hugging you everyday. Fuck you didn’t even hug me then. Im really struggling and I miss Vikki so bad. I miss dad. I miss keira I miss earning money. I need top surgery so badly I am so insanely dysphoric lately but I am years off of those savings ugh I’ll bring it up to my doctor but holy fuck this is what people put in their journal but I don’t want to I can’t scribble shit that fast with the emotions I just tire myself out I can ramble and make no sense like this. I am so so sick of hurting and trying to enjoy myself and life’s moments and the only time I have a good time is when I’m fucken wasted but whatever let’s not talk about that
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i cannot lie the stress i have been under the past week has been pretty crazy! i am very very tired and my body hurts and at least i have a rental car now lol.
I really struggled that last week with my car breaking down OBVIOUSLY. i think the most frustrating thing right now is that other AAA employees i have been speaking to keep telling me they don’t understand how i was forced to wait that long just to be told no one was coming to get me. i got a call this morning on the way to getting my car rental from AAA and i’m just glad that the service representative listened to me and is going to open a case against the office that so thoroughly fucked me over.
it’s still so frustrating in hindsight because i really felt like those operators thought lesser of me because i sounded like a women despite repeatedly telling them that i am a man!!! and they had my name right in front of them!!! it’s just really dysphoric because i feel like so much about me has changed throughout my transition, except my voice. and it’s really upsetting because the ONE fucking thing i desperately wanted to change was my voice. i hate sounding like a girl. i hate talking on the phone and always being called ma’am or miss like i am just so fucking tired of it. i’m essentially a year and a half into my actual HRT transition and i’m just so frustrated by the complete standstill i feel like i’m experiencing. I feel like I’m not making enough progress. My next OBGYN appointment isn’t until the end of April at the moment - that is going to be a very important appointment for me. I’m hopefully going to be switching to T injections and upping my T dosage.
Yeah, I’m still terrified of losing all my hair but at this point it really does matter less to me when I feel like I’m not where I want to be in my transition. This next appointment is also going to be helping me schedule top surgery and a hysterectomy, which at this point are so vital to me feeling better. like i haven’t really talked about it anywhere, but even for someone who has experience next to zero physical body dysphoria, i am hating my boobs so fucking badly. being on T has just made them to saggy and so loose they look so fucking ugly. i think i’ve dropped nearly an entire cup size and 2 inches off my bust even before i started “losing” weight. at this point i’m just irritated bc i want them gone so badly.
i’m more nervous about the hysterectomy, since it’s going to be pretty invasive too. but i just have a nasty feeling that i have woefully undiagnosed endometriosis and they’re going to have to gut me like a fish about it lmfao. i’m hoping that isn’t the case, but regardless i want them to take my uterus and ovaries out because i’m really over dealing with that shit lol.
for the past week weight wise, i’ve been sitting at 320 really solidly! i’m just so tired and stressed out from all this car stuff that i haven’t been able to do much. i’ve been going on some walks in the evenings, and also taking my dog on walks regularly so it’s not like i’m not getting any exercise. it’s just that i don’t have it in me to be super conscious of what i’m eating, when, or how i’m burning it off lol. and tbh that doesn’t bother me because the point of all of this isn’t weight loss, it’s taking care of myself!
anyway i’m just going to get super high today and just chill the fuck out. i am still trying to get my chores done, and i have a bunch of convention prep to work on that’s not sewing-related, so that’s what i’m going to try and work on. we’re two weeks out and i haven’t even tried finalizing my script or outline for my panel and i’m panicking about it lol. but otherwise i’m really optimistic that my con is going to be a great experience, and i’m just excited that i’ll finally see a bunch of my friends again.
i have a lot of knitting to do too, so i’m gonna be focusing on that as well hehe. i might write more later who knows. i’m just in pain and tired today sigh.
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