#this should terrify us all

[astraystayyh]

They have since left four premature babies to decompose on their beds. They have since kidnapped, stripped, tortured civilians and tried to frame them as Hamas fighters for their propaganda. They have since shot people at refugee camps execution style. They have since targeted academics and poets and directors. They have since killed 86 journalists. Still no ceasefire.

psa: i know that many of us did NOT doubt this for a second, neither did i. this is targeted at the people who educated themselves for the first time about this genocide and discovered the absolute horrific things that Israel is capable of doing to Palestinians, with the unwavering support of its allies.

#i rem clearly that video of the first hospital that was bombed #how israel first denied it and said that it was a failed hamas rocket #then it said it attacked the hospital because hamas was hiding in there #and i rem thinking that this would get every world leader outraged #that they would do everything to stop this genocide #that was too many weeks ago #nothing has changed #this should terrify us all #this could have been us in that hospital #in that house in that refugee camp in that ambulance in that street #nowhere is safe in Palestine #nowhere #free palestine #palestine #free gaza #gaza

[chocolate-guy-compilations]

Have you seen this? I. I have no words.

I’m scared to post this. like genuinely terrified. Like I’m not even gonna add any tags saying ‘fucking chocolate guy’ because I’ll know what’ll happen

#I’m lucky enough to be normal (aspec) and I am TERRIFIED #anyways amaury doesn’t have a tumblr go as feral as you’d like you animals #(not actually you guys should keep it tame this is an actual person after all) #amaury guichon #🍫 asks #also he used to have a beard???? HUH???? #body image tw

[gothic-mothic]

WAIT DO U LIKE THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES?? I WAS LOOKING THROUGH UR PROFILE AND FOUND THE CEASLESS WATCHER THINGY

I do like tma, however I haven’t listened to it much after this guy kicked the bucket

I like Martin too :]

#I used to listen to it regularly with my dad #haven’t done it in a bit tho #I should get back on that I heard ab a sequel thingy #the Magnus protocol I think it’s called? #I’m interested definitely but i find focusing on podcasts hard #the statements are so cool tho omg #personally I LOVE corruption and flesh episodes #they r just like me fr #my favorite episode is binary #eating my computer munch munch munch and all #terrifying series! I love it #cw eyestrain #eyestrain cw #eyestrain #the magnus archives #tma micheal distortion #fembojlover3000 #.exe #.png #tma

[laeana]

Max would call you a slur, just like he called Lance one. Hope he dies in a fire.

It’s not good to wish people harm, but I guess in that case, I hope you get what you deserve.

I also don’t think you know Max. Jfc what is wrong with you people to wish death on drivers??? And then you want to consider yourself a good person? You feel morally justified because he said a slur? If you wished death on everyone that said slurs or that did things that go against your morale then the list would be long. You should get over yourself.

It’s crazy how you think your behavior is justified and yet you’re on anon? You know what, you’re nothing but a coward.

You’re just an evocation as to why this fandom sucks ass sometimes, there’s no way to be rational, people are always in the extreme. You’re the cause why people leave, because they don’t want to face awful people such as you, toxicity, when they just want to enjoy themselves.

Small reminder, as to why I said none of the drivers are technically good people. I love Lewis, he’s amazing and he’s an ambassador of many causes, but the sport they all do is F1. F1 is a factor of pollution, F1 goes in country where rights are limited. F1 in itself is bad and your blorbos go to place like Dubai for vacations, I don’t think that’s the best for environment either. The argument is available for other sports as well, like football.

I don’t even consider you a F1 fan at this rate because considering the sport you’re watching and everything that happened during it, all of the crashes, all of the mortal accidents, I can’t believe you would have the audacity to wish death on anyone. You can’t be this stupid right?

But I guess let’s make this post an example. Reminder everyone, you can hate on drivers in your own space, but please do not wish death on drivers. I thought it was obvious but apparently not…

#formula one #formula 1 #f1 #max verstappen #anon on a contest to remind me why I left 🥰 #seriously tho #people are terrifying #and mentally unwell to wish for that kind of things #no matter who you hate you should never wish death upon them #starting from the moment you use death threat #I think you lose all argument of morality

[pastafossa]

Preview of Angsty In-Progress TRT What If fic

Right so there won't be a chapter cause I'm still in Covid Brain Fog Town, Population: Me which is affecting my writing (I've gotten a bit written but it's slow going). But I have found time to edit that sad thing I'd been working on BEFORE getting sick and I'm planning to release that because I think it works as a really good illustration of just what the stakes are in TRT if they get this wrong. AKA: a what-if, in which all their preparations fail and Jane is taken (spawned by an ask in my box that's been chewing at my brain for months now).

This will be a really dark and angsty side-fic, and the ending won't be happy per se, although I'm planning to give a little hope at the end since I'm not a COMPLETE monster, but I don't expect everyone to read it regardless and am designing it so there's no need to if you'd prefer to stick to TRT canon. BUT if you DO want to read something like this, here's a preview of the first section.

Warnings for: angst (obviously), blood, reference to shock collars.

Preview wordcount: around 1k

Putting this behind a cut.

Sad Matt gif cause this part's from his POV and it will not be fun.

There should have been a fight. 

That had always been the plan, an unspoken agreement the moment you’d decided to stay. You’d all known the Man in the White Coat, Cyrus James, would come to town eventually. It was an inevitability, a reality, and it was one you’d prepared for. Slowly, you’d gathered in your allies, armor composed of S.H.I.E.L.D., of the Ferryman, of the Punisher and the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen and even Spider-Man, had you asked. There’d been plans and backup plans, alarm systems and fail safes. And just in case that still wasn’t enough, you and Matt had taken to practicing, over and over and over again, all the ways you could signal him should your hunter slip through the cracks. 

It was foolproof. 

It should have been foolproof. That was what you’d all believed. 

You were all wrong. So terribly, terribly wrong.

This isn’t how it was supposed to happen. 

There was no battle. 

It’s my fault. 

No war along the familiar streets that had become your home. 

I should have sensed him. 

There’d been no signal given. No warning, no alarm that rang out, not when you were walking home after a late case. 

Caught alone in the dark.

Where are you, sweetheart? Please, just give me something, anything—

You didn’t even have time to scream, they said.

Not physically, anyway.

He’d felt your fear before on occasion, when you reached for him psychically. Then, your presence felt like the frantic bite of your nails in his skin, tasted like the sharp tang of cold sweat and burning adrenaline, sounded like the stuttered racing of your heart, a drumbeat in his ears that never failed to set his own heart racing as he cast his senses out, hunting for threat-threat-threat and for those that dared to harm you. He’d felt your fear when you woke in the quiet dark of the apartment, and when you’d been trapped beneath the warehouse in a cruel, dusty cell. He’d felt it, too, that night Frank had chased after you. 

He thought he’d known the flavor of your fear. 

But those moments were nothing compared to the moment your deepest, darkest fear became… real. 

The deafening psychic scream that tore through the thread with all the force of a hurricane was like nothing he’d felt before, or ever would again. That storm was all-consuming, the world around him gone in a heartbeat as the sudden wave brought him to his knees, his mouth shocked open on a silent shout. He could barely breathe through that terrified tide, one cold as bitter ice, your panicked heartbeat less a drumbeat than a constant roar in his ears as your panic rolled through him. This was the tremor of muscle and blind, animalistic instinct, the last, desperate sprint of a doomed hare just before the hawk’s talons cinched shut against the back of its neck.

This wasn’t fear. That was too small a word.

It was sheer, absolute terror. 

And in that terror, you managed only a single word. 

“Matt, h—”

You never got a chance to finish. Instead, he was struck by a blinding surge of electricity, white-hot coils of lightning snaking around his throat before locking tight. That shock raced outwards from there, traveling along lines of hidden nerves and thick muscle until his whole body locked up in agony. It was impossible to writhe, to thrash, to fight. All he could do was scream, mindless and furious, your terror matched only by his surge of rage, rage that covered his own wave of terror. Because he knew. He knew, distantly, what this was, and what this meant. 

The collar. 

Just as quickly as it came, the connection was gone, leaving him with nothing but the steady drip of blood from his nose and a ringing in his ears.

He wanted to retch, his stomach roiling, but there was no time. 

It can’t end like this. 

The directional signal he’d gotten from you was worthless. Even when he found where you’d been snatched off the street, they’d left him nothing but droplets of your blood and a fading snatch of cigarette smoke, a poor cover for the faint chemical scent lingering in the alley. Tranquilizers, he’d learn later, meant to knock you out, make you tame enough to be bound, collared, and forced into the back of a van. From there, your scent vanished into the night. 

Caught. Collared. 

Taken.

There was supposed to be more time. 

More time for him in your arms and you in his. 

More quiet touches in the early morning, and laughter in the kitchen, at Fogwell’s, on warm rooftops and cold ones, too. 

Time for him to slip a ring on your finger, and for his name to twine with yours, joyful tears in both your eyes as he pressed his lips to yours on the day you finally became his wife, the keeper of his soul, and he the keeper of yours, for all the rest of your days.

Why hadn’t he asked you?

He should have asked you.

Our rocking chairs should be red, you’d said sleepily last night, when we’re old. 

He should have been faster. 

Stronger. 

Smarter.

“All this, all this that we have here, that you love, is at risk. It always is when I stop. He takes this from me every time, Matt."

He should have protected you. 

He’d promised you he’d keep you safe. 

“No one will take you. I won’t let them, no matter what I have to do to stop them. What happened before—you didn’t have me. I’ll hear him coming from a mile away. We’ll be prepared for him."

“Ciro promised me the same thing. And he was wrong.”

He’d… promised. 

“I promise. I’ll find them before they even get close.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, D.”

And he’d failed.

The Devil’s roar of anguish, of grief, and of absolute agony shook the very bones of the city. 

By that point, you were too far away to hear it. 

It would be seven months before he found you again.

#the red thread #the red thread What If #(so NOT canon) #(just an exploration of what would happen should they fail to keep her safe) #daredevil #matt murdock #fic #fanfic #fic preview #tw: blood #tw: angst #this is pretty much the least dark part of the fic so if you're going to take the full ride use this as a chance to buckle up #this will not be light or humorous or fluffy #99% hurt and very little comfort #we're gonna run face-first into *why* Jane is so terrified of this man #and explore what the failure might look like #because I think sometimes exploring what will happen if it all goes wrong is interesting

[hella1975]

im being sentimental again but i think one of the most beautiful things to live for are those moments that explicitely and suddenly show you that you have healed and grown from something. like the day i first cried in front of a friend without feeling entirely nauseas about it and i had the really sudden and random thought that my twelve year old self would be horrified and digusted by my current self. and i had no idea when that happened, at what point i stopped being twelve and scared and started instead just letting myself feel things. it's proof i finally learnt to let people in even if i have no recollection of opening the door. and as a child reading books, i thought romantic love was the best thing that could ever happen to a person, and as a teenager with failing friendships, that dream of being saved by The Love of My Life kept me afloat. but last night i went on a date and yeah it went well, but also when i came home my two flatmates were waiting giggling in my bed like children and we all squeezed in so they could find out every silly detail, and i thought that love was just as beautiful as anything id conjured in my head. like just having those moments in life where you realise you are so different to how you once were, in ways that would both enthrall and horrify your younger self. having proof that you have grown. you have healed. you are making a life that's beautiful

#like coming home i was so excited bc i was like 'this is it. im finally letting myself delve into romantic attraction' #which in and of itself like the crying thing is just something 12-17 year old me would be TERRIFIED of bc the vulnerability of it #so that in itself should have been its own moment of the night for me to go #'look. i am so explicitely not the girl i was to the point it's showing in my ACTIONS. i have PROOF' #but then i came home and my flatmates were literally just waiting for me like kids waiting to go downstairs at xmas #and as someone who always struggled maintaining friendships at school and never truly let myself love or be loved platonically #it was such a viceral moment of 'shit. i really fucking love my friends' #and ive quite honestly never had that before this year #like yes the date and the romantic angle is exciting. but i dont need it to save me like i used to #idk this is all very cringe and whimsical but luckily for me and unluckily for you this is also thee cringe whimsical website

[lyramundana]

I'm sorry, but I can't stand fanfics where Reader/MC gets jealous of the members, specially Chan centred fics, interactions and closeness with Stay. When i see that, I inmediatly stop reading. I understand it's all fiction and it doesn't mean the writers themselves are like that, but I'm sure there's people that would actually behave that way given the circumstances. And I find it stupid.

Maybe it's because I speak from a fan's perspective, but If I was a member's girlfriend, I wouldn't feel threatened by their fans. Skz x Stay is one of the most adorable, gorgeous bonds in the industry. If it was me, I'll support it wholeheartedly and maybe I'll openly agree that my boyfriend belongs to his fans first. I'll join the jokes, i'll tease him, etc.

When I read pieces where the member in question, mostly Bang Chan, stops interacting with Stays like that because his partner felt too insecure or even asked them to stop, it annoys me a lot. Because honey, if you're dating a celebrity, you should know they're not regular people, specially not Stray Kids. And if you feel threatened by random strangers flirting with your boyfriend, whom doesn't even know them in real life, then you're not ready for a relationship and you're gonna be jealous of whoever female talks to him.

I'm sorry for this stupid rant but I just found another work with that topic and I couldn't stand it. Everyone is free to write what they please. But I want to see more works where Reader is actually in good terms with Stay and enjoys the interactions too, instead of getting jealous and sad about it, and making Bang Chan stop it althoether.

#i think that the possibility of chan stopping having these convos with us terrifies me A LOT too #this might be a strong point to my rant #but anyway if you're dating an idol you should accept his fans too (the mentally sane ones) #because they're a crucial part of them and some idols genuinely love their fans like they're friends (not all of them ofc) #if i was Chan's girlfriend and I saw Stays flirting with him fuck it i'll probably join and play around too #let them have their fun #because i was a stay too and i know what it's truly like

[shadeswift99]

Anybody else notice how the Entity is getting not only more complex with every update, but also more and more alive? To the extent that it can now get up and walk? To the extent of implied organs, implied magic? And meanwhile, coincidentally, Grian seems to be losing his sense for his own durability. Stood right there and took a hit from a trident thrown straight up, expecting to live, but didn’t. The surprise in his voice when Keralis was able to take him out in one punch. Having less health than he expected to have is becoming a trend...except for that time in front of the Rift.

“...I didn’t die?”

You know. The last near-death incident before the over-estimations started happening.

Debt is a powerful, powerful thing. Perhaps the Rift, and the Entity it spawned, know that. Perhaps that loan of life to Grian was the permission they needed to start taking back their due - slowly, of course, so that he never quite notices.

Slowly, of course, one sip of life at a time, so that the thing at the other end of the straw can feed in steady peace. Because debt and deals might rule the eldritch, but equivalent exchange rules nature, and the Entity is above all else both. Life cannot simply spring from nothing, not without cause, not without fuel. Grian is the reservoir of life that the Entity is pulling from. As it grows, he depletes.

Maybe the Rift is a conduit, the pipe for the transfer to take place - or maybe it’s the mastermind, or an impassive observer, or hey, maybe it’s just a coincidental tear like any other tear. Randomness is a law of nature too. But the idea that the Entity’s growth will be capped by how much life and power is left to be pulled from Grian is terrifying in MULTIPLE ways and I’ll be turning it over in my brain for the rest of the day at least

#Grian #the Entity #Hermitcraft #''So did Grian completely forget about the cliffhanger from two episodes ago or did he just troll us all by not giving any answers?' #< sentences thought before disaster #the disaster being This Idea #listen #am I stringing together several unconnected coincidences that were almost certainly not intentionally implying anything? yes #should you be even a little bit surprised by that if you have been following this blog for more than a couple months? No #Absolutely The Fuck Not dlfkjsdls #I don't care if it's anything close to what's happening really but it's PLAUSIBLE and that's TERRIFYING #terrifying in the best way #because just. imagine #I'm not usually a non-human Grian headcanoner but ik a lot of people think he's got some vast wells of unused power #and just. the /consequences/ of some parasitic otherworldly Entity choosing that person out of everyone to feed on #could it smell the life that saturated Grian? the power? or was it just coincidence? #/how much bigger will it grow with that as a source to feed on?/ #and in a non-magical Grian scenario it really only gets WORSE #because how long can one human being hold out as the sole source of nourishment for a Thing like that? #is it like a blood donation where the life it takes from Grian will regenerate slowly over time? #leaving him exhausted and weakened but too gradually to notice? just gradually enough to adapt to without thinking? #is that why the Entity is doing this slowly? as a strategy? #....will its patience for strategy run out as the end to its means draws near? #man. man. I love what Grian is doing this season #I've been too exhausted myself to have many writing ideas lately but this is giving me more than I've had in ages #oh ah. also #tw horror #tw parasite #ik there are some people squicked out by the Entity in general so let me know if I've missed any tags for that #but I personally am having the time of my life right now

[crabussy]

I want to take a bite out of someone's arm but I'm too shy

#it's ok to reblog this post and ignore the rant in the tags I don't mind at all /gen #hi guys #got another load of trauma from school #and I am not dealing with it well at all my legs have been shaking so badly for 4 hours now #had a panic attack so bad that my face went numb and the edges of my vision went black and my legs gave way #I hate my teacher she's horrible god I can't even go into it here there's so much #I'm tired of getting abused at school I've been to half a dozen schools and have not gotten traumatised at ONLY ONE OF THEM #I have no adults I can go to about this #whenever I try to talk with her and the head teacher about the situation and why I'm fucking terrified of her she acts so patient and kind #whenever I'm alone with her she will yell at me about everything I'm doing wrong and continue yelling even when I'm in tears #she will berate me and put me down and insult me directly #when she gives feedback she always puts effort into making it hurt #the language she uses for negative feedback is never what a teacher should say it's always personal and uses your weaknesses to hurt you #I get really bad intrusive thoughts about her hurting me physically because of how terrified I am of her #the worst part is she acts nice and sweet whenever she's not picking apart my weaknesses and being cruel about my disabilities #I felt so sick after that I haven't eaten since #vent tw #trauma tw #listen to my gibberish boy #ggod I hate this school

[druidonity2]

Wranduin oneshot where Anduin grew up taking old stories of beheaded kings to heart and being deathly afraid of anyone or anything touching his neck. He hides his neck with clothes, bandages, and accessories, and flinches anytime anyone gets too close. At this point his neck is more sacred to him then any other part of his body, and is the one place Wrathion would never dare dream of being allowed to touch.

That is till one night Anduin gently and carefully takes Wrathion's bare hands into his own hands, and guides them to his own bare neck, and lets him.

#i used to post fanfic ideas on my old tumblr and i should continue doing so here #look a king so deeply and utterly terrified of being beheaded so much it plagued him as nightmares all his life #deciding that he trusts someone so fully that he would allow them not just to see or touch his neck but to hold him or kiss him there too #not immediatly but you know work up the courage over time #biting down the fear and anxiety that threatens to spill out each time it happens because he wants this #The curse that is having a million fanfic ideas but no motivation to write them. #If you want to write this you can just credit me for the initial idea plz #anduin wrynn #wrathion #wranduin #fic ideas

[felinecorpse]

Just saw someone be like "why is there so much blood and violence on tumblr" my brother in christ you are on the blood and violence website

#and somehow. SOMEHOW. all us gore and violence fans manage to be more normal than the sanriocore folks #THEY'RE the ones you should be wary of they're terrifying #bones rattling

[comas-are-for-sleeping]

its so mindboggling that people can go “how can you say free palestine if you’re queer” as if the opinions a person has changes the validity of their life??? yall sound real similar to the people saying trans people are a danger to society

#like how can you seperate that #mass murder of a group based on something they habe zero control over is wrong full stop #stg though i see this So Much and it makes zero sense #yeah ok i dont like the values the far right holds but i dont think they should all die? #and like also completely disregards even the *possibility* that there are queer ppl in palestine? #So Interesting to me bc as soon as you can depersonalize ot suddenly you side with the oppressors #i just actually cant stop thinking abt this #like how can you say ‘trans rights’ and then turn around and ignore the bombing of hospitals #how can you say ‘equal rights’ for any marginalized community while not seeing this as a genocide #whats different? #genuinely what is different #yall literally sound like the transphobes trying to say most people regret transitioning when there’s overwhelming evidence this isnt true #like holy texts didnt matter when they were used against gay ppl but now you use it as justification for the mass slaughter of palestinians #obviously not to say the bible actually said any shit against gay people but like. yall fr #since when have we let people’s *interpretation* of holy texts validate murder #what is different #i know im prolly preaching to the choir and also im lowkey terrified of this reaching an audience that disagrees #bc i am not prepared to come up w evidence based arguments #i do not have time for that #rambles

[perenlop]

i remember when people were saying mewtwos inclusion in the genesect movie felt random and pandering to the gen 1 crowd that was uncommitted bc this wasnt even movie 1 mewtwo, and i dont think anyone says that now but wow i think they were wayyyy off the mark there lol. mewtwos the perfect choice for them that couldve existed at the time and she made for perfectly good xy teasing too

#i remember the mewthree ppl freaking out when we first saw that form and didnt know what mega evolution was #but yeah mewtwo being someone who was forced into existence and had a terrifying beginning to her life and despised humans #and was initially so much more hostile but has come to accept her place in the world and made peace with other pokemon #while the genesect as basically in the same position she was- and even worse bc theyre revived fossils #they died- were brought back to life- and now theyre in new bodies made for destruction #and one of them is a CHILD one of them is a baby that doesn’t understand whats happening and just wants to go home but they cant go home #bc its all gone. they should be gone. they shouldnt be here none of them should #mewtwo is a GREAT character to use for them to help them through that #bc shes grown past what happened- even if shes still got her trauma and distrust to work through #and she can help them see the beauty in and make the most of what they have now #fuck dude this movie is so underrated #echoed voice

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

I have a vague memory of Irey being able to do absolutely terrifying things with the speedforce too? She could make her Impulse costume out of energy like Wally could but couldn't she also like. Wrap people in pure speedforce cocoons and control their lifespans

... no...?

I mean. This is actually super weird for me because my personal headcanon is that she'll grow up to do those things but... uh.. no, she's never done that in canon

The suit thing, yeah. Most speedsters can do the suit thing.

Wally has made lil tiny baby speedforce cocoons to hold arsenic bombs and stuff. But, as far as I'm aware, there haven't been any people sized speedforce cocoons.

It seems doable but it also doesn't seem doable. Idk. Speedsters usually have to be super close to their constructs (like, touching them) for them to exist because (although they don't like to admit it) the constructs are usually more 'extensions of their own body that are too inhumane for them to mentally classify as part of their body without having a mental breakdown' and less 'actual stand alone constructs'. For example, Wally's 'cocoons' were attached to his hands.

Of course that being said, Scouts are speedforce constructs that can exist without touching their speedforce source/creator. But Bart is also on some next level shit with that power. That's not a typical speedster ability. Godspeed made a single Scout for less than a minute and he almost died. Rip to Godspeed but Bart is built different.

So ... Idk. It's a possibility for sure.

Now the aging thing is, again, just a general speedster power. Most speedsters can do this, they just don't know they can do it. Pretty much every speedster controls their own aging and slows down their loved ones aging.

Making someone age super fast or deage is a speedster power as well. It just takes a lot more skill and practice. Not every speedster can do it and, honestly, most haven't tried. I love em but they aren't the most creative bunch. Anyway, it's a power that has been shown before and it's 100% doable. I could totally see Irey being able to do it.

#im trying really hard to think of anything Irey has done thatd be similar to this #but she hasn't really done anything crazy yet #again the suit thing is a given but there haven't been cocoons #she is supposed to be ridiculously powerful and skilled as an adult tho #is it possible you are mixing up her weird aging arc for her being able to control aging? cause she did have a weird aging arc #anyway i always headcanon that Irey will be fucking terrifying as she grows older and that will manifest in her ability to age people #its her power that she tries not to use but when she's pissed off she absolutely does #'oh don't worry. im not going to kill you. you will make sure that you live a long and happy life and you will die peacefully of old age..' #'...all in the span of a minute' #and then the person just crumbles in agony in front of her as they're aged decades every second #i just think she should get to be terrifying and i think the aging thing has a lot of potential for the 'fucked up speedster power' list

[willowcrowned]

actually I’ve been thinking about laugh lines and I am so excited for them. I cannot WAIT to get see my face reflect a life lived joyfully!!!

#every day I work hard all for the bit and I am ready to start seeing my paycheck #and like. it should be said obviously I understand being terrified of wrinkles #in a society where youth = beauty and beauty = worth it’s entirely natural to prize looking young above all else #just so that you feel like you’re worth soemthing #but bodies are NOT for being worth something they are for being enjoyed and used up!!! #willow’s wastebin tagxon #I guess #self image #wrinkles

[running-in-the-dark]

I've gotta go to the dentist again tomorrow. I got two fillings done on Thursday but they feel really rough and it's hurting my tongue (plus my brain doesn't stop noticing something like that so I'm constantly aware of it and it's exhausting), so I've got to get that fixed.

this time I have to drive myself, so I can't take any Lorazepam. I'm pretty sure it's gonna be a quick visit anyway, at least this kind of thing has never taken long in the past, so. it should be fine, I know that. but I feel so shitty anyway. it's like the anxiety/fear is there right below the surface but it can't quite come out (probably thanks to the anxiety meds) so I just feel off all day. it sucks (though I much prefer this over the actual anxiety, that completely ruined the days leading up to anything like this).

#plus I've been extremely tired all day so that doesn't help #I should go to bed but I don't want to #then I'll wake up and it'll be tomorrow and I'll have to go there and it'll be scary and I don't want to :( #it's so weird that going to the dentist used to be one of the things that DIDN'T scare me. or at least not any more than just regular #everyday stuff #but now anything medical that involves anything being DONE (so not just a visit to talk about something) is fucking terrifying #i just don't want to struggle anymore. I want to get up every day/most days and just feel alright and for everything to be neutral #everything feels so difficult and like I can't do it and what's the point anyway. if I can't do this at 31 then it's never gonna get better #right? how could it #ugggh #I'm so fucking scared of being done with uni. if I get a job I don't know how I'll cope. I already can't handle life and I don't do #ANYTHING right now 😭 #I just wish my brain would shut up #for a little while at least #personal