#I’m interested definitely but i find focusing on podcasts hard

[gothic-mothic]

WAIT DO U LIKE THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES?? I WAS LOOKING THROUGH UR PROFILE AND FOUND THE CEASLESS WATCHER THINGY

I do like tma, however I haven’t listened to it much after this guy kicked the bucket

I like Martin too :]

#I used to listen to it regularly with my dad #haven’t done it in a bit tho #I should get back on that I heard ab a sequel thingy #the Magnus protocol I think it’s called? #I’m interested definitely but i find focusing on podcasts hard #the statements are so cool tho omg #personally I LOVE corruption and flesh episodes #they r just like me fr #my favorite episode is binary #eating my computer munch munch munch and all #terrifying series! I love it #cw eyestrain #eyestrain cw #eyestrain #the magnus archives #tma micheal distortion #fembojlover3000 #.exe #.png #tma

[peachxpie]

Okay, I LOVE Dndads but unfortunately it was the first ttrpg podcast I listened to and raised my expectations so high it’s been damn near impossible to find more that are similar. SO, if you have that same problem I am begging you to listen to “The Neon Streets.”

It’s genuinely so funny, like just as funny as dndads, and everyone on it is so witty and hilarious. Genuinely they are so good at improv, and they’re very character and story focused like dndads is, which is great cause it can be a bit hard to find ttrpg pods thats main purpose is to tell a story. The amount I love this podcast is kinda crazy, it just has some of the BEST characters and best humor and talented people from almost any podcast I’ve listened to, it’s seriously tied for first along with dndads.

Season 1 is set in a cyberpunk capitalist world in the future with two main characters, Dizzy and Test, which may sound like too little compared to dndads’ four, but them paired with some of the best NPC’s ever makes it so you’re never bored or lacking on fun character moments. They are both forced under the control of an evil mass corporation, Test for almost his whole life, and Dizzy after being captured and coming out of cryo sleep five years later. They meet for the first time after being assigned to both of their first jobs under the corporations control, and from there the rest of the podcast consists of heartfelt moments of friendship, change, love, regret, piss, a shit ton of drugs, and so much more.

It’s seriously so good and while it’s one of the funniest prices of media I’ve ever consumed it does have amazing serious angsty moments, very similar to dndads. ALSO, if you’re interested, it has some of the best causal lgbt+ rep and especially non-binary rep that I don’t really expect a lot of the time when I’m consuming media, but I was so pleasantly surprised. They way they handle lgbt+ characters is so casual and natural, it’s so refreshing and such a nice feeling.

Genuinely I love “The Neon Streets” so much and I think it deserves so much love!! Listen to it if you have the chance because you WONT regret it! Also, the creators recommend listening to season 2 first, but definitely start with season 1. While it’s not necessary to listen to S1 first it’ll be a bit hard listening to S2 without knowing some of the easter eggs from S1.

Give it a listen, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!!!!!

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #dndaddies #the neon streets #ttrpg podcast #podcast #podcast recommendations

[talenlee]

Story Pile: Bloodthirsty Hearts

I feel like pre-emptively, there’s a lift I have to ask of you. Bloodthirsty Hearts is a horror podcast. Wait, no, it’s a horror fiction podcast. Wait wait wait no, no, it’s a horror comedy fiction podcast. Oh, wait, no I missed a bit, it’s a horror comedy fiction podcast about zoomers engaging with popular media that feels definitely like it’s millenial stuff.

Did I scare you off?

There is a chance that you never listened to radio plays growing up. You aren’t the kind of person who finds it adorable, charming and narratively acceptable to hear characters giving semi-naturalistic dialogue that’s meant to handle transitions and setting and reacting to oh no! there’s a monster in the room! We’re going to scream in a way that won’t blow out the mic or clip the audio, while still trying to convey meaningful emotion!

I think, inherently, there’s a strong chance, that just this whole form of media, is a hard no for you. And that’s okay. You should not imagine that anything I say about Bloodthirsty Hearts is going to change your mind about it. It is 100% exactly what it is, and it’s not about to elevate the form. If you don’t like fiction podcasts, this is not going to change your mind, and it’s a very classic example of it.

Also I guess, spoiler warning, but nothing too explicitly important, just generalities until right at the end where I mention the way that a plot point is woven around other things. If you’re immediately curious to check it out, and want to talk about it, you can check it all out, for free. I liked it! I think that if you like the style it’s projecting, yeah, it follows up on it, and that’s good!

Bloodthirsty Hearts is about Buffy the Vampire Slayer fans.

I mean it’s not, it’s about Harry Potter fans.

But reealllly it’s kinda about being an anime fan. Or no, not even that. You know what I’m being unclear, and glib, like clippy dialogue.

Anyway. Bloodthirsty Hearts is a story about a gaggle of girls who, at one point in their tween years, were united by their interest in a series of Edgy Tween To Teen Aged horror-fantasy-adventure stories, Bloodthirsty Hearts that are full of all those things that kids like in those books like adventure and drama and deniably racy sexy bits, you know the things they like if they weren’t Animorphs fans, since we like traumatising body horror and heavily deniable nonbinary centaurfucking. Then, we fast forward a few years and these tweens are now teens and teens are complicated and relationships are different and they’re not friends any more, and the big convention for their childhood interest is tomorrow and and and —

Look, the moving parts of the story are really obvious to kick off. Teens who had drifted apart go to a convention for their favourite horror franchise and it turns out the franchise is real and now their love of the franchise and their trust in one another has to keep them alive while they grapple with a sudden existential horror and get to watch the people around them getting munched for a variety of narratively important reasons.

It’s exactly the kind of story you get looking at the label and it’s good at it, and I liked it a lot!

I always have this thing about teenage focused media, where I think about how a lot of the stuff I parsed as a teenager, that was about ‘young people’ I was meant to relate to was always, even in the webcomic era of stories being crafted with less of the publishing structure around, about adults making stuff for teenagers. I remember joking that Homestuck is an underdiagnosed Gen Xer passing on their brain worms to a millenial audience who didn’t know they were dealing with a single person’s very specific idea of a story rather than an actual meaningful treatise from an expert position about those things, and also, hi, you have these kinks now.

The thing is, to me, what Bloodthirsty Hearts reminds me of is not the story of a now, not a current event of how youths today engage with the kind of media they do. It’s kinda a 1990s feeling story to me, as it might be if the primary people producing it have a teenage experience of the early 00s and late 90s, rather than a focal experience that’s currently contemporary. It’s not like it’s anachronistic, but it’s just that the kind of thing it is feels anachronistic. It feels ultimately, like something that got a movie production that was kinda shitty, that paid adult actors were showing up for a convention that really, ultimately, couldn’t even do a good job faking not being shitty idiots.

So it’s about Buffy The Vampire Slayer. But Buffy The Vampire Slayer — a 90s horror action comedy instrumental to culture and a generation of creators despite almost every single thing that resulted from it being an immense disappointment — is a TV show, not a book series, so what if it’s actually about say, Terf Wizard Cops Stop Wizard With A Nuke, which oh look at that, it’s also about being an immense disappointment.

There are two competing threads I felt running through my fingertips as I listened to Bloodthirsty Hearts, one of the first things I put on my podcast player at normal speed in five years. One of those threads is the way that a group of girls who love and care about a piece of media confront, one after another, every single figure in that work’s creative pipeline and every structure of their life disappoints them and then as a direct result winds up eaten by a gargoyle vampire, but the gargoyle vampires are also bad. Anyway, the point is for that, that the books aren’t good, the movies aren’t good, the girls are good and them finding what they loved about it is their communal space and sharing that space and enjoying the books together. That! is! Good! Shit!

The other thing the story is about is gay yearning and how useless teenagers are at communicating and I’m not joking or exaggerating and it resolves well.

Anyway uhhhh yeah.

Bloodthirsty Hearts. Surprisingly good, considering it has peeing on yourself as a comedy plot point. Multiple times.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Media #Story Pile

[zarahdarling]

Oh so torn by this Human Deign experiment, and my open throat center.

It would indicate video and stage is it my strongest, go to platform. Yet, I really want to podcast. As in the verb.

I also feel the calling to experience writing more. So I’m not discounting that insight.

But I’ve simultaneously been hard at thinking, coming up with ways I COULD work with my open throat center and have a literal voice.

One thought was to tap into my heart center and “speak” from there. Doable.

Or if I did host a podcast, maybe it would look like doing interviews and my open throat center would allow me to be “the voice of the room” like Oprah’s open throat center provides for her. I mean, her career flourished when she got out of network news and into hosting a talk show.

One way I could have guests is to hold anonymous Untanglement Readings and that become the episode. Then my open throat center would be buoyed up by my energetic receiving.

There, I just wrote this out - that’s some writing experience. And yes, I do feel it was grounding and comforting as I wrote. Which is nice because sometimes it feels like only paper writing will hit the spot. But this typing on my phone note did well. Side note, I’ve also dictated my essay ideas and that is also another type of experience.

Okay, going big picture again with my Human Design experiment, my chart indicates I’d like more consistency and I think that’s a pile of hooey but pulling away from consistency could be a stress response so I’m willing to test out the design prompt.

Which gets me to the idea of consistency in writing. See how I bridge those two elements? Now, the type of consistency I’ll be playing with is NOT every minute is earmarked and every day looks the same. No ma’am.

I’ll be going for the loose ritual energy of consistency and focusing on inviting in my interest and awareness around writing.

I know when I took an 18 month sabbatical to detox from healing burnout (after years of improving my chronic illness) I got to hear a lot more of my inner wisdom and downloaded so much mystery to offer my clients.

Aaannddd, I didn’t even do that much writing. It was mostly reflecting in the woods and desert. So what potency would come if I combined my writing as a channeling tool with my Being and Body’s wisdom?

Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. I’m getting activated which creates a direct like to accessing my essence. 💖💖💖

Let’s do one more full circle, high view of this open throat center situation. I’ve also considered making audio recordings of my written work. Cuz people have definitely said my voice is soothing. So perhaps reading my material. And I’d also love to offer guided visualization audios to support you on finding similar insights into yourself.

Loveyoubye,

Zarah

[shawnjacksonsbs]

There are lots of parts. Not all are consistent. And if I said it once, I’m likely to say a thousand more times.     2-11-23

 “Yes, ‘cause I think that, this is the thing that I said earlier about like, when I’m making anything that I’m making, whether it’s a podcast or writing or “United Shades”, when I’m writing it, I’m like “This is gonna change the world”. [Lol] ‘Cause you have to feel that way. You have to think that way. Otherwise, why you steppin’ out there!?

. . . . But then at the end, you just have to be, “I hope people watch [read] and talk about it.” – Kamau Bell

 I may have learned a new thing(?), or way(?) or. . .

Do we, do I, do any of us have the ability to remove ourselves from a scenario to better empathize with someone else when having a conversation, about their struggles?

Emphasis on “their struggles”.

If they’re different from us by race, religion, sexual identity, etc, why do we feel so strongly that we have to defend, or be defensive if we know, without a doubt, that we aren't part of the group that their venting about, although I have commonalities, such as . . . race, religion, sexual identity.

See where I’m going here?

Is it worth it, to just try, to emphasize with someone else?

I'm going to start trying to implement this “technique”, when the time and issue, or conversation allows.

Why wouldn't we want to relate to our neighbors?

Why are some people just hell bent on focusing on differences over commonalities?

I, for one, will never understand it.

 “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eyes.” - Antoine de Saint-Exupery (one of Mr. Rogers favorite quotes)

 The whole, "We are all just walking each other home", always pops in my head every time I hear, or think of people that hate on others for less than justice. Make sense? It's like be kind, until it's time to not be kind.

There are times throughout the life of us adults, that we realize we don't love everyone just as they are, and imagine that, as unfortunate as that is, it's either because of complete mental disability, or because they weren't loved just the way they were when they were young. (That's just my opinion by the way. Pretty sound educational guess if you ask me though)

It's also not worth arguing with someone that groups me in with haters. People like that are obviously in some feelings and haven't learned how to navigate them yet. That comes with time, understanding, wisdom, and of course - empathy. Right?

We’re all still progressing toward this, yes? Or trying to??

After listening to this specific episode, I caught myself wondering if I could do it. If I could try and have full blown conversations in hopes of finding some understandings, with people who obviously don't care for people “like me”, without actually knowing me as individual. My answer . . . I just don't know. It occurred to me right then that I should try.

It’s always nice to learn new ways and new goals to aspire to, and higher levels of caring and love to reach. Even if only in small degrees up, the direction is still up.

Note to self; I need to do research outside of Finding Fred on Kamau Bell and his works. He definitely sounds like an interesting guy.

The whole Finding Fred podcast, to me, is thought provoking, but this episode definitely had me in a deep thinking pattern the whole time.

You can find Finding Fred episode Kamau on IHeart radio. I’m sure there are other spots. That’s just where I listen. Lol no lol

I don’t know if this one is enough for you, but it was for me. Understanding can be . . .hard, but never impossible.

I wonder why different things affect different people . . . differently. Listening to this show, and reading or writing the things that I do, etc, etc, even though they appeal to me because of how they make me feel good or make me think about things that are. . . better, don’t appeal to some people. Why do you taste cilantro as soap?

It’s all just weird.

What a world we live in, and what a wonderful life we can have if we change the way we think about things. It all has to start right there.

Now, go out into the world now and share your love and your laughter with everyone you can, and you already know that I will be trying to do the same from my side!

 Until next time;

"The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

[mai-deserves-better]

Week in Review

Reading:

White Tears/Brown Scars by Ruby Hamad

This is a really good nonfiction about White Feminism/toxic femininity/white women using their femininity as a weapon against women of color. I have two chapters left but I really recommend already

My Brother’s Husband by Gengoroh Tagame

I just started this manga about a Canadian man who’s husband died, so he goes to Japan to stay with his husband’s estranged twin. It’ll talk a lot about homophobia in Japan and it’s written by a gay Japanese man.

The 2000′s Made Me Gay by Grace Perry

This is a pop culture essay collection similar to Girls Can Kiss Now, but I’m not liking this one very much. The author’s writing isn’t for me and she doesn’t go very deep into the cultures she’s trying to analyze.

Read:

Sugar Falls: A Residential School Story by David A. Robertson

This was a short but haunting graphic novel about Canadian residential schools. It’s informative and character focused. I won’t say I liked it per say, but I’m glad I read it.

Our Members Be Unlimited: a comic about workers and their unions by Sam Wallman

This was a graphic novel about the history and current implementation of unions. It was long and very informative. I learned a lot, but I was definitely bored during most of it. I also feel it was weirdly negative towards anarchists.

Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion by Gabrielle Stanley Blair

This was a short essay collection about how society puts all the blame of pregnancy on women, when it’s the man’s irresponsible ejaculation that causes it. It was decent and gave me a lot of interesting points of view, but it was really repetitive. She also had a disclaimer at the beginning about how she was going to use heteronormative, bioessential language, but it felt like she could have put in some effort.

Watching:

Community

I’m continuing to watch this with my fiancee. We made it to the forbidden “black face” episode, which was very difficult to find. Streaming services really should just put a warning instead of trying to scrub its existence. Anyway, I’m enjoying Community. It’s very unique compared to other sitcoms.

Fruits Basket (2019)

My fiancee and I just started watching Fruits Basket (2019). She hasn’t seen the older one while I have and I’ve read half the manga series. It was hard to get used to the voice actors at first, but I’m really enjoying it.

Cardcaptor Sakura

I went to an anime convention last week, so I’m really in an anime mood. I watched the first episode of Cardcaptor Sakura (I meant to watch more but took an accidental nap). It’s so adorable and easy to watch. I’ll absolutely be continuing.

Listening:

Cozy Ghibli Vibes playlist by underneaththeblue on Spotify

I’m in an especially cozy mood and this playlist has music that makes me want to drink hot cocoa while a storm rages outside.

Cozy Club podcast by Monica & Regan

I’ve watched both Monica and Regan on YouTube before, but didn’t know they had a podcast. I only listened to the latest episode, but it was cute and a good way to make my walks go faster.

#personal #what im watching #what im reading #media #recommendations

[inawickedlittletown]

Queerbaiting and Buddie

(word count: 1,900)

I keep saying that I don’t want to spend any more time on 9-1-1 meta or fic, but the events of this weekend made me open up a document where I had some unfinished meta and in light of the S4 finale airing tonight, I thought I might at least write this: 

“Queerbaiting is a marketing technique for fiction and entertainment in which creators hint at, but then do not actually depict, same-sex romance or other LGBTQ representation. They do so to attract a queer or straight ally audience with the suggestion of relationships or characters that appeal to them, while at the same time attempting to avoid alienating other consumers.” 

That is how Wikipedia defines queerbaiting. And I really feel like everyone needs to read that and then read it again and realize that what is happening on 9-1-1 with Buddie is NOT queerbaiting. 

I don’t want to go into the long history of queerbaiting because we would be here all day and anyone that wants to do some research should go and do so. There are a lot of resources out there. Use them. 

But the short of it is this: queerbaiting has a lot more to do with the way a show is promoted, with the way that anyone involved in the show talks about a queer ship, and with the show deliberately scripting scenes that hint at a relationship without any intention of following through. Expectations and wanting a queer ship to go canon and those expectations not being met do not alone equate to it being queerbaiting. 

For any of us that have been around a long time there are a lot of perfect examples and if you compare Buddie to any of them, they are very different. I’ll name a few:

Merlin/Arthur

John Watson/Sherlock

Emma Swan/Regina

Derek/Stiles

Castiel/Dean Winchester (though they did go canon...barely)

Lena/Kara

Buck and Eddie do not fit into that list. Which isn’t to say that someday they could belong there, but I just do not believe that they will even if Buddie never becomes canon. And this all lies in how Buddie as a ship has been treated both on screen and off. I’ll break it down by season. 

S2: 

Eddie is very clearly introduced as a new character, a straight Army veteran with a disabled kid and family drama. He and Buck have immediate chemistry. We can’t deny that, or deny that from that first episode there are immediate sparks. Unintended sparks, but sparks nevertheless. And it is easy to tell that no one on the production team expected that and the story reflects that. 

Yes a foundation for their friendship is formed and yet the season long story focuses on Eddie’s relationship with his estranged wife and Buck is dealing with his own growth after being left by Abby. Their friendship shines and their scenes are great but none of them suggest romance and there are actually a lot of episodes where Buck and Eddie barely interact in S2 aside from in the background or for small work related moments (this mostly happens after Shannon returns). 

S2 does give us the first acknowledgement from the powers that be aka Tim Minear that they know what the fans have seen. This is why the elf scene exists, but it exists in a space where it’s a nod to the fans and not meant to do much more than that. The other moment is during the call with the livestreamer. But S2, places them completely and without question on a strong friendship. 

S3: 

We see a lot more conflict for Buck and Eddie in this season and we see how close and important they are to each other. Those are the two main things. That can be read as friendship easily and it’s a season where both Buck and Eddie deal with their pasts and in one way or another start to get closure while their friendship remains intact. 

Yes there are some scenes that make us squint and go huh, wtf? (I’m looking at you kitchen scene), but narratively we also know that neither of these boys is ready for a real relationship with anyone, let alone each other. But we can bask in how close they are as well as how Christopher fits in into all of it. 

But in S3 we are also introduced to Ana and we see the return of Abby. We also get to see that Buck and Eddie have become closer than ever and that the lawsuit only serves to highlight the importance that they both feel about having the other available to them. I’ll also quickly mention that Eddie Begins worked hard to highlight Buck’s devotion to Eddie. 

S4: 

Without considering the events of the finale (I am avoiding spoilers and know nothing about it or the speculation), we’ve seen Buck and Eddie both grow and get further closure on their past. This season has paralleled them well and their friendship has not faltered, they’re as close as ever. 

The beginning of the season was heavily focused on Buck and we saw him grow as a person and begin to work on himself in a healthy way and we’ve seen Eddie be supportive of that. 

We also have Ana to consider and her relationship with Eddie as well as the return of Taylor and yet the appearance of these women has not changed the Buck and Eddie dynamic. And I find it fascinating that Eddie beginning to date Ana, is the thing that prompted Buck to start dating. The parallels are all over the place but it is the strength of the friendship and the way they care so deeply about each other that remains whether that becomes romantic is still to be seen, but it could still go either way.  

Off-screen by the end of S2, Tim Minear had already addressed Buddie by throwing in that elf scene in a wink/nudge fashion that said “I see you” and in the scene with the girl with the livestream with the comments. During S3 he tweeted about being frustrated by the fans demanding and being hostile and thinking that that would make him more likely to do what they want (I’m paraphrasing what I remember seeing). Tim has never once said that Buddie will happen or shut the door on the ship entirely, but he did say he did not want to engage in conversation about it because he doesn’t want to get into arguments with fans. 

Oliver has always been enthusiastic about Buddie and has even said that he would be perfectly fine with it happening both a while ago and more recently in promo for S4. Conscious of queerbaiting and not wanting to give fans false hope, he has specifically said that he does not know if it will or won’t happen and that he wouldn’t speak on that as he’s not the one making that decision. His support for it happening does not mean he has any sway one way or the other. He’s said this a few times and even wrote a letter to the effect to make it clear to fans that the last thing he wants is to disappoint someone due to something he’s said. 

All in all, it just isn’t a constructive environment for anyone working on the show to interact with fans on this topic because any time that they do, they get attacked by overly enthusiastic buddie shippers that in many ways are making everything worse. 

In all of the interviews from Tim that I’ve seen, he has always been very quick to hint at what was coming up on the show in a way that at times has been misleading on purpose. The number one thing that comes to mind is early in S4 where Buck was said to get a new woman in his life. Tim absolutely made it out to seem like it was a girlfriend while knowing fully well that it was a therapist. This is an excellent example of what promoting and hinting is actually like. No one from this show has done that in regards to Buddie. 

No one has gone out of their way to hint that it may happen in a way that excites the fans. And this is one of my main reasons for knowing that Buddie is not a queerbait. At no point in the life of the show so far has anyone used Buddie in a promotional way to bring in viewers. Because THAT was the whole point of queerbaiting in the past. 

It was a way that some showrunners found to bring in a lot of viewers when they needed to up their numbers in order to show networks they were worth keeping around. Someone figured out that LGBTQ people wanted to see themselves represented so much so that they would tune in to anything that promised an LGBTQ character in some fashion. It was a tactic that worked well in the landscape of tv where there was so little LGBTQ content on mainstream media that anyone wanting it would latch onto anything. And then they just wouldn’t deliver on those relationships or characters. In 2021, that is not the world we live in any longer. 

In today’s tv landscape there is so much to watch and so much to pick from and diversity has grown, it is celebrated. Queer characters are well represented as are queer relationships and queer stories. The times are different. A while back I was listening to a podcast (Bait: a queerbaiting podcast) and something I found interesting was how the hosts both agreed that in today’s tv landscape there is no more real queerbait and that we won’t easily find anything like the ships I mentioned above. I think I agree more with this than I expected to, because I do think that it exists in some spaces, but it definitely isn’t what it used to be. This is a good thing. 

Specific to 9-1-1, this is a show that has that diversity and that isn’t afraid of tackling that diversity and giving us interesting and nuanced perspectives and stories embracing that. We have characters of color, women in positions of power, a F/F relationship, two multi-racial relationships, a disabled character, other queer characters including a M/M relationship. There is so much in this show that embraces diversity and that embraces the reality of what the world looks like. To call it queerbait is to disrespect everything else that this show is and has done and the hard storylines that have been tackled that we would not have seen on tv ten years ago. 

And I get that Buddie would be another breakthrough. It would be a novel way to tell a queer story, and it would be amazing if it were to happen. The set up is there, but it isn’t fully realized, and Buck and Eddie can still be read as just friends if we take off the shipping goggles. But it also isn’t queerbait or likely to become queerbait and people have to stop calling it that. 

What Buddie resembles is one of the many unintended slow burn ships that have frustrated viewers in many forms across fandoms and we just have to go along for the ride and maybe it will happen. Or maybe it won’t. But if we know anything about relationships on tv, it is that a lot of the fun comes from the journey, even if the destination is good too. 

#911 fox #buddie #911 meta #911 on fox #buddie meta #buddie is not queerbaiting #long post #this is almost 2k long

[star-maiden]

Help! These D*** Cards Don’t make sense!

What To Do When a Tarot Reading Seems Like Nonsense

⭐️ First of all, we need to get a few things clear. Tarot won’t always make sense. You will make mistakes. Sometimes, you won’t get any messages at all no matter how hard you try. If this sounds similar to your experience with the cards, don’t feel bad. It doesn’t mean you’re a “bad” reader. As soon as you get more comfortable with the idea of being wrong, you’ll find that your confidence (and subsequently your readings) will improve a lot! Got that? Great! Let’s move on to the topic at hand.

Confused by your tarot cards? Don’t get discouraged.

⭐️ I’m just going to tell you plainly. There isn’t a single tarot reader in the world who hasn’t been completely baffled with their cards at some point. This is natural and a completely normal part of the learning process. What’s more, Tarot is one of those things that you never really stop learning more about. There is always room for growth, and for finding deeper meanings within the stories each card tells. So if you’re hoping to be a “Tarot Master” with omnipotent vision and 100% accurate readings about everything, then I’m afraid I must be the bearer of bad news: There’s no such thing. We’ll all be wrong or confused sometimes, and that’s ok.

Even so, there are a few things to consider if you find yourself bamboozled by your cards more often than not.

Reasons why your tarot cards don’t make sense, and what to do about it.

1. You’re cards haven’t been shuffled properly.

⭐️ This is a common culprit for readings that aren’t making much sense. If you don’t shuffle your cards enough, either straight out of the plastic wrapping or after too many readings, you won’t get any clear messages. This is especially true if you’ve been doing a lot of readings, and just quickly shuffling your pulled cards back into the deck afterwards. If you notice that you are getting a lot of cards from previous readings, and they aren’t making much sense, it might be time for a good shuffle.

What to do: If your deck is new, you’ll want to spend several days shuffling and getting to know the cards. This will mix up the cards enough for you to actually get messages, and help you become more familiar with the imagery of the deck (which will improve your intuitive readings).

⭐️ If you deck isn’t new, it’s likely that you just haven’t shuffled well enough in between readings. It happens. Just give them a good shuffle, and you’ll be set.

2. You don’t know the card meanings well enough.

⭐️ Wait! Don’t get upset yet! I’m not saying that you have to memorize the traditional meaning of every card, and use only that definition as the “be all, end all” of card interpretations. Far from it! That would be super boring. I’m also not saying that you can’t use the guidebook (you totally can). In fact, if you use your guidebooks, you’ll be able to learn the subtle nuances that each deck author attributes to the card meanings. It’s pretty neat stuff!

⭐️ However, a basic understanding of your cards and their key meanings will help you read accurately with consistency. A big part of intuitive reading is being able to recognize the symbolism within the cards. If you know a keyword for each card, you can use them as a starting point for your interpretations.

⭐️ For example: Let’s say you have the 4 of cups. Traditionally, it shows a moody figure, staring off into the distance, with spilled cups before them. Above the figure is often some sort of offering that they can’t see. If you know that a keyword for the 4 of cups is apathy, you could use the symbolism in the card to read it as “having lost interest in a situation”. The figure feels apathy for the situation he’s in, and is not interested in what is being offered. That’s an example of the traditional, symbolic meaning of the tarot in action. Ready to take this a step further? Once you know the traditional meaning, you can combine it with other cards, as well as the details of the situation, to “springboard” into other interpretations.

⭐️ Example 2: Maybe you know that “apathy”, the traditional meaning of the 4 of cups, doesn’t completely fit. In this imaginary reading, the client is asking you about an argument they had with their partner. They are hurt and upset, and have asked you if it’s worth it to stay in the relationship. Clearly, they are not feeling apathetic toward the situation! In this case, we would go beyond “apathy” or “loss of interest”. What is the energy of this card? Combining the imagery with the traditional meaning, we can generate other meanings. Stagnancy, miscommunication and an inability to see another perspective are all alternative, non-traditional interpretations. In this situation, I might tell this client that there is some confusion between them and their partner. Neither one has a clear understanding of how the other feels. Therefore, it might be a good idea to discuss the current situation with each other once they have both had time to calm down. The surrounding cards will usually help you fine tune your interpretation.

What do to: There’s no way around this one. Study the cards. In particular, the imagery of your deck will be very useful to become familiar with. Read your guidebook, read other tarot books and blogs, journal about your readings. If books are not your thing, there are countless YouTube videos and podcasts that cover tarot these days. My favorite tarot podcast is Tarot bytes by Theresa Reed. Pace yourself. You don’t have to learn everything in a week. Most importantly, read, read, read with your deck. The more you read, the more you will begin to understand how your deck communicates and how your intuition picks up on this subtle energy.

3. You are too emotionally invested in the outcome of the reading.

⭐️ This mostly happens if you are reading for yourself, but it can also happen when reading for close friends or family. Sometimes, if we are hyper focused on a particular outcome or in a state of reaction, it’s easy to project our own personal feelings onto the cards. This skews the interpretation. Its not a bad thing to read for yourself, your family or your friends. However, it’s a good idea to keep this point in mind.

What to do: If you are nervous, upset or in any way unable to remain objective about the outcome, it’s probably best to not do the reading. You can try again later when things are calmer.

4. You’ve ignored the focus question.

⭐️ This happens when a reader fails to take into account the “focus” or theme of the reading. For example, if a client asks you about work, and The Lovers card comes up, you should not tell them that they will meet their soulmate soon. This has nothing to do with what they were asking about. You’re more likely to encounter this problem when reading for others, but it can happen when reading for yourself.

What to do: An easy answer, stay on script. Keep the original question in the forefront of your mind during the entire reading. Like our example above, if you are reading about work, don’t start interpreting anything about romance. The cards are nuanced and varied enough to have multiple meanings. Instead, if The Lovers card appears in a work related reading, consider how the energy of the card might show up within the context of the reading. Instead of a “soulmate”, you might say that this client needs to find a harmony and balance between their home and work life. This is just one of many possible ways to interpret this card within the context of a work-related reading.

5. You’ve asked a question that is too specific OR that the tarot cannot answer.

⭐️ This can happen with both self-readings and readings for other people. Tarot is a powerful tool of self reflection and insightful divination, but it is not omnipotent. Further more, tarot readers themselves are not mind readers. We have to have context and understanding in order to see the connections clearly enough to interpret them with accuracy. With tarot, the more context we have about a situation, the better a reading will be. So for vague questions like “what will happen next Tuesday?”, a reader would need to supplement the reading with their intuitive abilities. It can be done, but the chance of misinterpretation is much higher if a reader is unsure how to weave the tarot and clair senses together.

⭐️ Some types of questions are ill-suited to tarot. Generally speaking, these would be questions that limit the ability of the seeker to act. “Will I pass my exam?” would not be a good question because it leaves no room for change or growth. A reader might struggle to interpret this correctly unless they are very experienced.

⭐️ Another type of question that you might see a lot are third party questions. For example: “Is person A having an affair with person B?” This type of question that doesn’t directly involve the seeker in any way is not useful with tarot. Most likely, you won’t get a clear answer or any useful information. Tarot is not a tool to be used to spy on others. In fact, it’s quite disrespectful to use the cards in this way.

What to do: A lot of this boils down to personal preference and reading style, but a good rule of thumb is to ask open ended questions. In this sense, questions that begin with “how” or “what” will be better than questions that start with “is”. Remember, tarot does not deal in absolutes. It reflects energy of situations and projected futures, and energy can change. Nothing is 100% certain with tarot.

#learn tarot #tarot #tarot resources #witchblr #witch community #divination #tarotblr #divination community

[a3day]

An Album a Day is my exploration into the Korean music scene. This podcast will cover mainstream, indie and some underground artists within the scene and provide both factual and opinionated commentary. The biggest benefit to sharing my thoughts this way is that it will hopefully expose you to more great music and exploration of your own.

If there’s one difficulty about hosting a podcast focused on experiencing music in group-named alphabetical order, it’s having to withhold listening to basically anything to avoid developing a bias. Sure, this cannot be avoided with groups I’ve actively enjoyed listening to since I became a fan of Korean entertainment. In the case of this group, however, not only have I managed to skip every possible sliver of music content, I was living in South Korea during their rookie year. Was my effort worth it? We’ll find out together as the long-awaited exploration of KQ Entertainment’s ATEEZ begins, right after the drop.

You’re tuned into An Album a Day. Show, start.

Hey y’all. This was a long time coming. Aside from being aware of a group member who could split apples with his bare hands, and  the existence of several cat-like facial features, I knew nothing about this boy band except that they waved large flags around with their names on it. I’ve a friend who goes by the name of AquaBrainLives on Twitter who’s waited patiently for years to educate me on the group, along with others, but as she puts it, these are her sons so the motherly interest is likely high.

KQ Entertainment houses this group specifically off the endearing strength of ATEEZ’s leader, Kim Hong-joong, who submitted a letter and demo to the label due to his admiration of legendary group Block B. That group’s influential leader, Woo Ji-Ho, better known as Zico, and his group mates once existed in a space and time where their efforts and that of fellow B-named male groups BIGBANG and disbanded group B.A.P. birthed and walked the path that BTS has run towards historic heights. That’s another story for another day.

In that space and time, Hongjoong was inspired and driven to be the next big thing. Granted, ATEEZ is a play on the words “A TEENager Z,” based on the 8-member groups' ages during training and debut at both KQ and other labels such as TOP Media, Big Hit, and Maroo Entertainment. However,  I’m inclined to believe that it also stands for a definition for teasing the industry like one would do hair, because they’ve gently pulled at the strands of what’s “always” worked and separated those pieces into a commendable career of their own.

The effort put forth to avoid listening to their music, watching music videos, and dodging every live performance and appearance has been deeply intentional.I didn’t want to become a fan with a bias and be unable to listen to their discography objectively. Though this hasn’t impacted any past favorite groups, ATEEZ would be the first boy band I’d potentially fall head over heels for since NCT. It wasn’t a risk worth taking. Even amongst my former middle school and high school students who were becoming fans of the group the final year I lived in South Korea, I wouldn’t acknowledge photocards and wouldn’t allow music to be played in the classroom. I’m serious about my podcast and my aspiration of being your favorite foreign Korean music historian!

Oh but now, after all these years, it’s time to let loose. Since their 2018 debut, ATEEZ has released three studio albums, nine EPs, 12 singles, and have made two soundtrack appearances. They’ve released 19 music videos, at the time of this podcast’s publication. And! And, they’ve already had a re-release of one of their projects. Suffice to say, the young men are working hard. Likewise, I’ve been working to end this extra-long podcast season. Therefore, I will tackle at least two albums for each episode dedicated to the group. This allows me to acknowledge progression from project to project faster as well as end this never-ending story that is Season 6 of An Album a Day.

Jumping right into it, on October 24, 2018, members Kim Hong-joong, Park Seong-hwa, Jeong Yun-ho, Kang Yeo-sang, Choi San, Song Min-gi, Jung Woo-young, and Choi Jung-ho, made their debut with Treasure EP.1: All to Zero. The six-tracked debut EP is just under 20 minutes long and announced to the world that the banner-waving, pirate cat boys had arrived. They followed that EP with a second 20-minute one, Treasure EP.2: Zero to One, on January 15, 2019.

The debut album certainly establishes positive debut energy for the members of ATEEZ. The album explores hip-hop and its various genres -- both fusion and derived -- and paces well. At just under 20 minutes, it leaves you interested in hearing more. If the first album is telling listeners, “We’re here! We’re here!” then the second one clearly says, “We’re not going anywhere.” “Zero to One” feels mature and defined. You know who’s doing what, and you know that at least one song is going to distort your facial expression in awe. In fact, by this point, you’ve accepted Hong-joong as your leader and will provide all the catnip and/or neck veins to the vampire. Not you, just me?

K-pop fans on a scale of 1 to 5 with 5 being essential listening and 1 not worth mentioning, the A3Day rating for “All to Zero” is a 4. Due to it being a debut, which is not always the easiest thing to knock out of the ballpark, it did well with illustrating the unique colors of a group. The A3Day rating for “Zero to One” is a 5. They sprinted towards a defined sound and we’ll look more into that, including the writing and production choices, before their discography concludes on the show.

There’s sponsored ads and social media hashtags but this show is truly supported by the efforts of my MACGoalas, the most amazing fan base a lil’ entertainer could ever have. Special shout out to my Patreon patrons -- the Freshmen, Student Body, the Scholars, and the Staff -- who keep my vision of becoming your favorite foreign Korean music historian, exploring all the industry from A to Z a real thing. If you’re interested in supporting the growth of this content, please visit patreon.com/multifacetedacg and for as little as $1.00 a month, you can get in on the magic.

Interested in continuing your support at the free-99 price? I love you for it. You can still engage with the show and me, your lovely host, when you retweet, repost, and share the show and use #a3day. And please consider leaving a few stars or a review on Apple Music, iTunes, IMDb, or Podchaser to keep things growing in the right direction. Thank you for listening and I’ll catch you in the next episode. Bye y’all.

#multifacetedacg #a3day blog #kpop #podcast #ateez #atiny

[bumblebeesstudies]

I introduced myself once before but fell of the wagon once the new academic year started, so here I am... again, with a revamped theme & look. I´m Bee (22, she/her, scorpio) and I´m a Communications student from The Netherlands. The course is very broad, so I’m still trying to decide what I want to focus on, but at this point graphic design seems to be one of the top contenders. I’m also interested in PR and marketing. 

I’m mostly here to keep myself motivated and I found I do better with friends, so I’m definitely looking for some active blogs to follow and hopefully chat a bit! 

i n t e r e s t s 

- reading. i’m trying to get back into reading for fun. started in january but sadly haven’t picked up a book in months now, but i’m always looking for recommendations to fill my dauntingly long TBR.  - true crime. podcasts! documentaries! books! idk why, but it intrigues me so much. i think i’ve watched everything available on netflix.  - writing. when i was younger, i used to be full of stories and poems and dreamt about getting a book published. i don’t know how, but i think i lost that somewhere along the way. now, i dabble on some RP sites but nothing seems to come naturally anymore. one of my goals for 2021 is to find that creativity again! - music. i play piano and sing. i am mediocre at playing the ukulele and bought a guitar years ago that i still don’t know how to play. i also spend way too much time listening to hamilton on spotify. 

g o a l s 

- do better. i am struggling! results wise, i’m doing fine. my grades are great. i know i like communications. i have fought very hard to be where i am today. but it just doesn’t feel like i have any passion. i’m trying to find that. and writing it down and posting it here for everyone to see hopefully keeps me accountable. 

- be productive. study smarter, not harder, or, you know, longer. trying to find more ways to study, more places to find information. i’m also here for the masterposts lol. 

- find friends. being motivated is easier together. that’s why i’m here - to see everyone else trying their best as well. and maybe talk to some people! i had this idea of starting a group chat (on discord, probably) to stay accountable and talk to people who are also focused on their studies. let me know if that’s something people would be interested in :). 

i n s p o 

studyblrs i like are @study-van @diaryofastemstudent @thestoicstudent @problematicprocrastinator @boldlystudy 

#ocpost #studyblr #study #studyspo #study motivation #collegeblr #studying #student #studyblog #new studyblog #study inspiration #studyblr introduction #studyblr intro post #studyblr intro #collegeblr intro #collegeblr intro post

[thetypedwriter]

Radio Silence Book Review

Radio Silence Book Review by Alice Oseman. 

It’s official. I love Alice Oseman. 

I don’t know if I want to be her or if I want to be her best friend. It’s a bit of both to be honest, especially considering that she’s twenty-six and has written six novels. Just...what a life. How admirable. 

The first Alice Oseman book I read was a lovely read by the name of Loveless. That book punched me in the gut in the most hard hitting of ways, painful, but a good painful. Radio Silence didn’t hit me quite as a hard, but I still found it to be a very compelling and relatable read. 

Radio Silence, Oseman’s second novel, largely features the burgeoning friendship between Frances Janvier, quietly nerdy and school-obsessed Head Girl and Aled Last, Head Boy from a neighboring school with a whisper of a voice. 

If you think this tale is a romantic one, it’s not. I’ve noticed that with many of Oseman’s books, romance doesn’t seem to the main event. Or at least, not with the two that I’ve read so far. 

Aled secretly runs a podcast called Universe City which has been Frances’ secret obsession and only source of happiness from the mountainous piles of homework and school obligations for the last three years. She even runs her own tumblr blog which is dedicated to Universe City fanart and sketches, one of the only things that brings her true enjoyment in her mostly mundane life. 

The two coincidentally collide and as they unravel each other, their two worlds, real and fictional-combine. What comes after is a story of loss, misunderstandings, forgiveness, and not giving up, especially as mistakes are made, blame is dished out, and Aled moves away for University, something that he’s always dreamed of and always wanted...right?

This novel, while definitely focusing on friendship and fandom culture, also has a lot of commentary on the nature of school, the value of grades, and the purpose of higher education. As a high school teacher myself, I agreed with a lot of the critiques and social commentary surrounding education. Going to college and university is often shoved down kids’ throats, often to their detriment. 

College isn’t for everyone. A plan that many students don’t know about or discover too late. Too often I see high school seniors simply going to college because they were told it was “what they were supposed to do.”

It’s wrong. I agree with Alice Oseman on that. 

Other than the social commentary, the book is very fluid and easy-to-read. I devoured it in about three days. It is unabashedly British, a fact that simultaneously amused me and piqued my interest when discussing things like A levels. 

This novel inherently came across like reading fanfiction to me for some reason, even though it is very much an original work. It’s something in the way Oseman writes, in the way the dialogue is presented and the chapters are broken up. 

Frankly, this book reminded me of Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl except infinitely less cliched and honestly more enjoyable. 

It’s almost like the book was made for me. All the inside jokes, all the allusions to different fandoms-Harry Potter, Spirited Away, Back to the Future, the Sims, etc the list is endless. It’s like Alice Oseman knows everything I like and makes references to it throughout her novel as if to say Ey? You see this? Cool right?

It’s so amazing it’s almost eerie. 

It makes me wonder if there are other nerdy people out there that like the exact same things and read Radio Silence with glee and delight or if they read the book and are left feeling confused and missing the punchline. 

I wonder. 

That being said, the book is very enjoyable for a multitude of reasons. I love that Oseman doesn’t necessarily focus on romance. More often than not, her books feature friendships as the main relationship and it's so refreshing and tantalizing to read how these relationships are just as important and all-consuming as a romantic one can be.

 I also feel like every time I read an Oseman book it leaves me untethered. It’s like Oseman thinks of the most cliched plot points and then just chooses the opposite. Every time. 

It’s hard to explain, but every time I thought the book was going in one direction and expecting it to be predictable it would go in a complete opposite and often leaving me thrilled with the change and also charmed at the simplicity that Oseman was circumventing stereotypes left and right. 

The only criticism I have, and it’s not really a criticism, at least not yet, is that all of Oseman’s main characters feel very much the same to be so far. Not the side characters, the side characters are great, Raine, Carys, and Daniel in Radio Silence are all fleshed out and unique, as are the side characters from Loveless, but I feel like the main protagonist, the first person perspective that we are constantly in the mind of-that comes across a bit of rinse-and-repeat to me. 

Both of the main female characters from Loveless and Radio Silence were both quiet, nerdy, non-party-like girls who would rather watch Youtube in bed than go out to a bar. Both were self-deprecating, both didn’t have a lot of friends, both had cool moms. I’m sure the similarities continue, but to me this just seems like the character Alice Oseman likes to write. 

Or maybe this is Alice Oseman and these female characters are representative of her. 

Who knows. 

Again, as I’ve only read two of her six novels, this could be a very wrong assessment and if it is, I will find out very soon when I read the read of Oseman’s works.

 I did appreciate the increased diversity of the Radio Silence characters compared to Loveless, especially as Frances was half-white and half-Ethiopian, but the close resemblance in personalities struck me as something to keep an eye out for as a possible criticism. 

Only time and reading more of Oseman’s books will tell. 

Recommendation: If you’re nerdy you’ll like this book. This novel caters to nerdy people. Like fanfiction? This is for you. Love Tumblr and the Tumblr community? Look no further. Love fandom culture as a whole? Here you go. This book affirms and almost makes you proud to be a nerd. Embrace your inner nerdiness people and read Radio Silence. If you liked Fangirl, you will love Radio Silence. 

Score: 8/10

#radio silence #alice oseman #fangirl #Loveless #book blog #books #book review #Book Recommendations #YA Book Review #book reccs #fandom #fanfiction #ya fiction #YA Books #ya book rec #LGBTQ fiction

[wisteria-lodge]

burned improvisational secondary + bird model

The discussion of executive dysfunction vs secondaries has reopened my ongoing secondary question. I have executive dysfunction that wasn’t discovered till adulthood because I have a very easy time doing things last minute and was fine at BSing my way through school. 

Hmm. I wonder if you might be an Improvisational secondary. I had a period where I did everything last minute too… but I’m a built secondary and it was anxiety-provoking torture. But you’re just cool with it. 

(it fell apart in university, as it does, but I managed to scrape through anyway even if I think I might have burnt in the process, so even though I had problems focusing on more than five minutes of lecture at a time without spacing out I didn’t realize this signified anything until after I graduated).   Anyway, the discussion of improvisational secondaties with executive dysfunction has made me wonder if that’s me…)

See, the secondary I use most, the secondary I rely on, the secondary that comforts me is bird. I plan compulsively. I’m struggling to think of a situation in my life where I don’t plan. But, while planning gives me comfort and safety and security, and I can’t imagine functioning without it, it doesn’t bring me joy. 

Either you’ve written in before, or MULTIPLE people use the word “compulsive” to describe their Bird secondary model.

(it’s a model. And sounds like a pretty good one!)

Joy for me is going along with a last minute change in plans (maybe snake? But snake secondary descriptions always sound like they’re very good at things I’m not good at). Something I find very hard but very satisfying is being more lion-like. I am by default very self protective and not great at being honest, but every time I force myself to go against my instinct I feel much lighter and better… I don’t think this points to burnt lion secondary but I’m not sure. I can’t tell how one tells if one is “good” at lion secondary. 

Okay, so you’ve got this thing about not being “good” at Improvisational secondaries, which is definitely burnt secondary talk, but also… not super applicable. Like - don’t worry about it. Secondaries aren’t magical powers that either you have or you don’t. You get “better” at using them the more you use them, as you get more and more comfortable with them. Especially if you have to build one back after burning.

Anyway questions like “what do you do when stuck in a video game” would all get bird answers (I’d Google what to do). 

This is actually an interesting one, because I think a puzzle-solving Bird secondary would actually consider that a kind of cheating. Like the fun, the game, is the figuring it out. They’d probably only Google the solution if they could convince themselves the game was poorly designed or unfair in some way.

At work, I need to sort of dive into a problem to “feel” it and only then can I plan my solution. 

Oh. That’s improvisational. FOR SURE.

In interpersonal relationships I plan a lot but it helps to throw out the plan… I’m not sure where this leaves me in terms of secondary.

Improvisational secondary, Bird model.

(but if I am improv secondary with executive dysfunction, to answer the other anon the things that work for me are:

Leaning heavily on technological crutches like reminders on my Google calendar

Set a timer for two minutes to just do anything to get myself moving

The right music (task-dependent)

 Specific podcasts I play for specific tasks, so they cue my brain to do the task  I’m still figuring it out myself…) 

And thank you so much for that *excellent list* 

#sortinghatchats #snake secondary #lion secondary #burnt secondary #bird model #improvisational secondary #submission

[windandwater]

so I started adderall and hoo boy. lemme tell you. what a wild feeling, in so many ways, but especially right now where I’m like “I’m not doing anything shouldn’t I be panicking” and my brain is like “no. you have a lot to do. but you’ve also been working really hard. so it’s okay to take a break for a few minutes” and I BELIEVE MYSELF??

WOW

anyway here’s some stuff under the cut about it because I can’t believe how well this is working out.

background: I’m hypoglycemic. one big reason I decided to do this was, I was having this issue where I get depressed if I don’t eat sugar. I was eating sugar to feel joy. I am at risk for diabetes but even if I wasn’t this is not...great. I’ve always had to watch my blood sugar and I’ve always been careful about what I eat but in recent years, the amount of actual dessert/candy I eat has gotten mildly out of control and my doctors have told me to watch my sugar and I just...wasn’t able to.

one of my coworkers who is also not-neurotypical and as such knows her shit, told me that this whole “sugar to feel joy” thing is an ADHD symptom. I knew I had ADHD (I’d been diagnosed in high school) but wasn’t being treated for it, but had never been told this was a symptom, and at that point I was like, you know what, fuck this, I can’t get my health under control on my own if I’m not being treated for my mental health as well. I’m talking to my psychiatrist about this.

so I did. enter adderall. and now I wanna talk about it because it’s been FASCINATING and I am all about brain medication when you need it. so here goes!

also I live-tweeted my first 24 hours on adderall because it was SO WILD and I’m so glad I did even though I have three (3) followers, more on that in a minute

(me: I can’t tell if it’s working, it’s supposed to kick in in 30 minutes but--wait I think my brain just went bOOP

coworker: is bOOP good?

me: it’s WEIRD)

the good

Y’ALL THE SUGAR THING WORKED IMMEDIATELY. oh my god I was stunned. absolutely stunned. I still absolutely have a sweet tooth and enjoy eating sweets but I can eat a normal amount, at normal times, and not because I need to feel something. it’s because I want to eat something sweet. I can’t believe in 24 hours I went from complete inability to control myself to just...not having to. brains!! who knew!!!

I focused on an entire conversation the entire time. the entire time. I was even very stressed because my blood sugar was low and I needed to eat, but I was able to put that aside because I knew I could deal with it when the conversation was over! WHAT THE HELL!

since then it hasn’t been that easy because conversations are, quite frankly, often very boring, especially for work. but it’s easier to focus when I need to, and not zone out halfway through or have to do something else in order to focus. or start stressing/thinking about other shit that doesn’t matter. I can listen to what people are saying!!! for an hour! it’s crazy!!!

I wasn’t tired all day! this is also part of the bad. you’ll see.

I feel more in control of my days now, and less like time is speeding by at a rate I don’t and can’t comprehend. I’ve gotten fairly good at planning out and prioritizing my time anyway, but now it’s like...better. and easier.

executive function is online, and as I alluded to, no more self-guilt-tripping if it takes me a minute to get to things. they’ll still get done! it’s okay! if I don’t do something right away I will still do the thing! I have years of experience parceling tasks into small pieces so I do them, but less so with not still getting on my own case about not doing them right away.

if I don’t have music or a podcast playing at all times, I can still focus on work. it’s still pretty nice, it’s just not absolutely necessary. this is throwing me off hardcore but it’s kind of nice to be able to be in silence occasionally.

I can still multitask but if I’m NOT multitasking I don’t feel like I’m going insane, and also, I don’t feel like my brain is hanging by a thread at all times that might break and cause everything to explode.

a tweet I made: “I was researching something and when I got frustrated I kept at it and didn't have to go take a break to do something equally frustrating and pinball back and forth between them until they both got done. I might have just been weaponized? “

it’s true. researching/looking stuff up is one of my skillsets and...I’ve been weaponized.

the bad

my appetite is allll fucked up. we’re adjusting the type of medication I’m on to try and mitigate this but wow it’s an appetite suppressant and wow that’s not okay when you’re hypoglycemic and have to keep your blood sugar up.

my sleep is also fucked up. anxiety keeps me from falling asleep and I’d gotten to a good place re: falling asleep at night. however I was also in a very bad place re: sleeping constantly (sleep apnea? quarantine depression? who knows!). but waking up constantly during the night ain’t the solution, chief. so we’re also adjusting to see if we can do something about that.

regarding that: the first night, I literally just did not get tired. it was very upsetting. if I hadn’t tweeted about it I would’ve had an out and out panic attack, but one of my friends talked me off the ledge, telling me she had the same experience when she first went on it. I was not warned and I wish I had been. I was still able to sleep (she wasn’t, when it happened to her) but hoo boy. no thank you.

pharmacies like to babysit you when you’re on controlled substances. ugh.

more shit to keep track of. ughhhhhhhhhhhh

unfortunately, I had a hard time finding mainstream resources for this stuff online. I’ve read a lot from tumblr and heard from other people’s experiences, but when I went looking for, say, information on adderall & sleep...a lot of it is related to addiction. I had a similar problem with ADHD & sleep: I wanted to know more about whether ADHD can make you really tired like I was, or whether it was just an insomnia type of thing, and there just wasn’t a lot out there. this isn’t really a problem with the drug, but like...it’s a pain when you really want to learn more about something, aren’t in a place to talk to your doctor yet, and are just left to the wind with the mainstream internet assuming you’re abusing a substance.

definitely also felt like I had to lay the groundwork with my doctor...I had been planning to talk to her about this for a while, so I mentioned my ADHD diagnosis early on so I could bring it up at some point and not just out of the blue ask her for meth. this stuff is hard.

(not making a statement of any kind of recreational drug use/addiction, just...I hate the US medical system. a lot. everybody loses.)

so that’s how it’s going! sorry for the long post, but I did want to document this somewhere besides twitter, and maybe some of y’all are interested.

oh also, my other favorite thing that happened is my doctor said to try to keep track of when I take the medication and it wears off, and I literally told her that that would also be a good marker of whether or not it’s doing its job, because in my natural state I literally cannot remember to do that, with anything, ever. and I did! I managed! WILD

anyway end the stigma. ♥️

#adventures in text posts #adhd blogging #mental health

[thisdreamplace]

7 Days of ‘I Am the Creator’ Meditation

Guidelines:

- ‘I Am the Creator’ Meditation

- SATS

Why?

Why not? haha Nah, these days were a lot more relaxed than the previous challenge I did. The main goal here was to continue deepening my knowing of who I truly am (God) and I can say, I’ve had a helluva time.

Reflection:

This is gonna be a pretty long reflection. Compared to my last little challenge, this one ended up being extremely reflective. So, get cozy. You’re in for a ride.

Okay, so this was an interesting 7 days. I battled with anxiety, feeling like I am the exception to the law (read through a lot of my asks this week, EIYPO is no joke haha), and just overall wondering if there’s any point in continuing this journey. I’ll just be real honest with y’all about how I’ve felt. It’s been a little ugly.

But the is answer is... yes, it’s always worth it to be on this journey. Especially because I can stop consciously living by the law if I want to... but I will continue to live by the law regardless, with my subconscious mind. So there’s no point in stopping persisting. My issue tends to be, what am I persisting for? And well, I came to some hard to swallow pills of realization as well lots of good realizations too. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster. But I will say, despite it, I have been able to keep some bursts of feel good energy here and there. All is not lost... it’s just truly a journey. A real lifestyle change I’ll keep going at until I wake up from this dream world.

Now, reflecting back on the meditation specifically.. I absolutely adore it. And I will continue to do it when I feel like it, because I just really enjoyed the concept. When I meditate, I’ve been allowing myself to use the infinity timer so I can go for as long as I feel is natural to me. (I use the app Insight Timer if anyone is interested!) Anyway, I average between 10-20 minutes. That being said, whew, this meditation! On the longer days, I was able to use this meditation as a way to calm my anxiety. On other days, the meditation absolutely overwhelmed me! When I got to the step of allowing myself to really FEEL what I wanted to feel... I’d feel overwhelmed. Shortness of breath, the absolute need to move. It was interesting. Some of the sensations you get during meditation are weird sometimes. haha I appreciated this meditation regardless, because I love the practice of the outer world no longer existing and allowing myself to be consumed in my mind, where I am home, where I am safe. Where I AM the creator and can literally have anything I want without a reason, other than the fact I want it.

Best Manifestations:

Mainly lots of passive manifestations. These 7 days really showed me that um... everything you reap will be sowed. Neville didn’t lie.

For example, a coworker randomly brought me the gift of a state flag... Thing is, there’s a state I love and adore and I will be moving there when I’m done with the things I want to finish where I currently live. A few weeks ago, I was looking up little flags for that state but didn’t end up buying any. Then she randomly brings me one? She knows I love the state. But it’s not like I was walking around asking for flags hahaha so that was cool

Then, I’ve wanted to watch Casablanca for a while. But I haven’t watched it because it’s not on any streaming sites for free. Then, I bring it up at work and my coworker so happens to have it on DVD. She brings it within a couple days and I get to watch it and I loved it. Maybe not the most exciting thing ever, but for me it was just another confirmation that yep, I am always manifesting. I will always end up getting what I want.

People have been mirroring my thoughts a lot more. I posted about one incident here, but also, people bring up something I am thinking about within seconds. Sometimes, not going to lie, this pisses me off. Sometimes it’s cool, sometimes it’s like no... I wanted ACTION. Not for us to simply talk about it? But regardless, it still shows the world is mirroring me. So, in a way, it’s still a form of success. haha And of course, the only failure is thinking you have failed. I will persist. Oh, and I played around with the basics of EIYPO (people are always like, decide what someone will wear!) lol so I chose the shirts of both of my coworkers one day. One was specific down to the actual t-shirt, the other was a pattern (plaid). They both walked into working wearing what I wanted them to wear, haha.

Plus, the things I want to know/find always pop up. Like, a Neville story I once heard but can no longer find. Information that will help me better understand the law coming up a few days after I want it. I have full confidence now I will always find what I need.

Best Self-Concept Improvements:

Information downloads!!!!!!!!!!!!

While, yes, I was kind of not in the best place emotionally, it kind of lead to some deep shit I needed to acknowledge. Like, at one point I got upset because I realized, I really have been trying to apply the law. Meanwhile, I’ve been applying the law effortlessly since the day I was born. I can stop trying to apply the law and I’ll still be living by the law. All of this hit me and it just made me feel like, yo... what am I even doing? If I am God, no matter what, what am I even doing? If I am manifesting naturally, why in the world am I trying?

During one of my meditations, I decided I want to give myself freedom. That’s what I wanted in the little world of my mind and the response I got was, “there is freedom in I Am-ness.” It was like, wait. What. I am right! I AM RIGHT. (Of course I am... lol, being God jokes.) Anyway, that little information download changed the game for me. That little phrase suddenly was the key. Let me explain further.

I ended up going on an affirmation walk that really turned more into a walking meditation. All I could repeat was, “I AM I AM I AM I AM I AM I AM”... yeah, you get it. And like, it made sense. It actually made sense. “I am. And because I am, everything is.” This was the sentence that would come up during this meditation and it actually made sense.

Finally, the hardest pill the swallow:

Responsibility. Taking responsibility. How funny is it that this podcast was dropped on my last day of doing this challenge. During these 7 days, I definitely had some victim mentality thoughts I entertained a bit. Like the classic, I’ve been working so hard at this and it’s like nothing is changing. (Not even true, I literally posts my successes here and keep track of others one on my notes app.) Well, here’s the hardest pill. Did Neville not say, to see change you must first change yourself? How in the world can I say I have changed, if I am able to comfortably think the same victim thoughts that got me the old story? Ouch.

This is one thing I really had to look at and accept about myself. And EIYPO. I will be tackling this concept, because it’s time to. I have stayed away from it. I understand it intellectually, but I have barely allowed myself to go beyond that because honestly... it means taking ALL the responsibility for my life. Because, people have been my weakness. My old story includes lots of feeling like I could die and no one would attend my funeral. Literally. This is a thought that would loop in my mind damn near all of the time back when I was immersed in the old story. Need I say more? EIYPO is actually a more sensitive subject to me than I allowed myself to accept. And now, it’s time to take responsibility and face it head on. Sometimes, the concept feels suffocating. But I know as I persist, it’ll all lead to my freedom.

Conclusion:

My biggest question during these 7 days was, am I focusing on the right things? Is it even worth it to keep focusing on my specific manifestations at this point? I think I got my answer and of course, it’s hazy. The answer is, no. But also yes. I just want to shift my focus a bit.

To what, exactly? To me. I thought about my journey for the past 7 months that I’ve been on. And I can honestly say, I have failed to manifest for me. I will for a few hours. Then I find an excuse for why it’s okay to think about the other things I want because hey, I want them. It has to do with me. What’s the difference? Well, there is a difference. One keeps me using manifestation as a technique and the other allows me to step into who I really am, as God. Have I had successes? Yeah, tons. But there’s something in all those articles I have refused to listen to. The parts that constantly say, “IT IS YOU. IT IS ALL YOU. YOU MUST GO WITHIN.” Like I get it, and I thought just persisting in what I want would be enough. But when you are able to so easily slip back into the old story like it’s nothing, like I did this week, that shows the state you are truly operating from. And yeah, I’ve made tons of progress. I get things I want quicker now and I am able to get a lot of the things I want, but I want to take this to the next level. Not just so I am getting things here and there, but so my entire life is a constant stream of me getting what I want. Even on the off days.

On these 7 days, I came across a post someone made where they showed their affirmations. One of them that stuck out to me was:

“I am always chosen, because I always choose myself.” Something about it kind of stuck with me. Could I say this affirmation has been true for me? No. I’m good at choosing myself in the outer world. But in the inner world? Nah. And it’s time to change that.

How will I do that? By following Neville’s first principal.

Be still and know that I am God.

“There is nothing to change but our concept of self. As soon as we succeed in transforming self, our world will dissolve and reshape itself in harmony with that which our change affirms.” - Neville Goddard

#journey

[generic-hufflepuff1]

The Fun Part (Tma Analysis)

Heyo! Here's the part two to This, using the data from Here.  

Now in part one I give some of my rationalisation as to why certain Entities show up in statements less often than others.  

In this one I’ll just be pointing out some interesting things in what the numbers say and/or some rationalization for weird numbers or sometimes just making up a in universe reason for some of Jonny’s writing quirks (Like how if you look at the numbers Jonny just finds ideas for Hunt episodes harder to think of) 

Im gonna be breaking this down into seasons 

Season 1

In Season 1 the most frequent entities are The Corruption and The Stranger (8 episodes each).  

Both of these make sense.  The main antagonist of Season 1 is Jane Prentis and having looked at all the Stranger episodes* it is quite clear that it is Jonny setting up for future arcs and plotlines.  But that's the boring reason. The fun reason is that The Corruption is ready to perform its ritual and The Stranger is busy setting up for their own ritual and as a result there are plenty of statements within easy reach of Jonathan Sims for these two entities in particular, with two to four times the number of statements of the other entities.  

Other notable entities are The Spiral and The Flesh.  

Mostly just because they each get a couple more entities than is the usual as ten of the fifteen entities have between two to four episodes.  The Spiral gets a bit of a boost from Micheal popping up every now and then and that works for me.  The Flesh is a bit weirder I can't really think of a writing reason for it all I can say is that they tend to be quite striking and it's quite clear Jonny had a lot of fun with them and honestly that's fair.  But again, boring.  One reason could be that as mentioned in the other post there is a bit of a requirement for a statement giver notably they need to be desperate enough and you know still alive to go to the Archives, and these statements** are quite obvious as The Flesh has no patience for subtlety, but still enjoys the act of delaying the suffering.  

And the final segment “What's the Eye Doing?”

The reason i'm including this is because Ive noticed that the Eye is strange in that it is the most popular entity over all of the show but is not the most frequent in most of the seasons.  So Im just gonna keep an eye on it.  

The Eye shows up in three episodes: 12 First Aid, 23 Schwartzwald and 40 Human Remains,  and of these only really the Mag 23 is the only real statement about it I just find this interesting no real notes about it though.  

*1 Angler Fish, 2 Do Not Open, 3 Across The Street, 24 Strange Music, 28 Skin Tight, 34 Anatomy Class, 39 Infestation, 40 Human Remains

** 5 Thrown away, 14 Piecemeal,  17 The Boneturner's Tale, 18 The Man Upstairs, 20 Desecrated host, 30 Killing Floor

Season 2

Now sure this season has three entities (The Stranger, The Buried and The Spiral) that have more episodes than the others and I will talk about them but what stands out more than anything else is just how spread out it is. I mean with the exception of those three and the Extinction the rest have between two to four with half of them having four and Hell even The Extincion gets one.  This is by far the most fair the spread ever gets.  Here’s the spread:

6: Stranger, Buried, Spiral

4: Desolation, Dark, End, Web, Eye

3: Vast, Flesh, Corruption

2: Hunt, Slaughter, Lonely

1: Extinction

So Why the Stranger, Buried and Spiral

Again the Stranger is being set up for season three and are working on their ritual, not to mention the presence of NotSasha gives a sizable boost.  The Spiral is a bit stranger but at this point Micheal is still running around and this gives it the needed boost.  The Buried is the only one that is not immediately obvious, after looking through the episodes* it still baffles me, as far as I can tell it's due to the focus on the Tunnels.  It could be that Jonathan in an attempt to understand the Tunnels tried to find similar statements and as a result the trend developed.  

The Extinction?

So season 2 has the first mention of number 15, well maybe it does.  See the thing with most of the Extinction’s manifestations is that it could maybe be something else entirely.  The Extinction episode of the season is 65 Binary and might be the Spiral instead but the focus on a new type of life and technology means that it is very difficult to say really.  

What's the Eye Doing?

The Eye falls right into the average place in the hierarchy for the season with four episodes.  Those being: 53 Crusader, 60 Observer Effect, 62 First Edition and 79 Hide and Seek.  These seem to work to expand what exactly the Eye is.  As I said, season 1 kind of lacks this and here Mag 53, 62 and 79 bring up the weirdness of the archivist, whereas Mag 60 explores how the Eye can manifest.  But the Eye isn't special every single entity gets fleshed out in season 2.

*41 Too Deep, 50 Foundations, 51 High Definition, 61 Hard Shoulder, 66 Held in Customs, 71 Underground

Season 3

This is the run away season.  This one is similar to the previous one but it does skew quite wildly at its end to favour the Stranger, for entirely understandable reasons.  But ultimately is still quite fair with only The Eye and The Extinction fall outside the three to five range.  

So the Stranger 

The Stranger has ten episodes this season and why is quite obvious as the climax of the season revolves around the Stranger.  Not much to say here.  

Again the Extinction

Now my notes had 114 Cracked Foundation as one of the Extinction episodes but for some reason I can no longer find any mention of it on the Wiki so I have no Idea what happened here.  My guess is that in the wake of Mag 196 and 197 this particular entry got a lot of attention and the link with the Extinction removed. 

What's the Eye doing?

This is the first season in which the Eye starts to take up the main spotlight with seven episodes. However looking through the statements* and it does not really appear in the statements but rather in the pre and post statement drama, as Jonathan and Elias use their abilities.  So as a result the Eye ends up feeling very different compared to the other entities and we don't see the ‘Horror’ of it for a lot of the podcast.  

* 82 The Eyewitnesses,  92 Nothing Beside Remains,  105 Total War,  106 A Matter Of Perspective,  117 Testament,  118 The Masquerade, 119 Stranger and Stranger

Season 4

So season four is very, very weird in that the Extinction is the most frequent entity (tied with the Eye).  It does make sense as Jonny needs to catch the audience up on what exactly it is as it does not have the breath of work that the other entities have, so as a result Lucas spends his Time telling Martin about it. 

Other notable Entities

The Lonely is also quite popular this season with five episodes but that also makes sense due to not only the presence of Lucas but also Martin’s fall into the Lonely.  Other than that The Hunt only has one statement* that has to do with it’s ritual.  The combination of this and the Extinction’s frequency in this season and the hunts underperformance in other seasons (4 in season 1, 2 from season 2, 3 from season 3 and 1 in this season) means that it has just slightly one more episode than the Extinction.   I do cover my rationalisation for this in the other post (Here)

What’s the Eye Doing?

Leading the pack that's what.  This season also has what other seasons lack statements that the Eye features in.  Now this is probably Jonny finally having the chance to explore the concept properly as it is a bit harder to really understand, but in world it could be due to a combination of Elias trying to keep Jonathan blind and Jonathan trying to explore his new identity as a ful blown avatar and going about it like a baby gay, consuming all media surrounding the topic.  

*133 Dead Horse

Season 5

I debated not including this section but hell I'll just add on any updates if it's necessary.  

So in this one to (to no one's surprise) the Eye is the golden child in this season after a brief jaunt into a domain for each fear the focus becomes almost entirely Eye focused, and if you want to be technical you can just add the Eye to every single episode but I did not.  

The runner up

The Web is definitely making up good numbers especially with how the finally is turning out. 

Other notables

The Lonely, Buried and Spiral all get a little above average.  Why? Well Martin has to deal with some baggage from Season 4 and Gaslight Girlboss is still running around but the Buried is a bit weird.  Again I think jonny just finds it easy to write claustrophobic horror, but again thats boring.  So lets have a look* and when I did I noticed that all three of these (and the Eye and Web) all are in 167 Curiosity so that adds a bit to the count.  But other than that its clear that it’s easy to add the Buried on top of another entity so its clear that the Eye simply likes how the Buried spices up the other flavours of fear.  And then finally the Extinction and Slaughter only get one each (163 In The Trenches and 175 Epoch) and they are the compulsory exploration episodes and unless the finale really is a complete curveball this probably won't change.  

What’s the Eye Doing? 

Having the time of its god damn life.  

*166 The Worms, 167 Curiosity, 184 Like Ants, 185 Locked In, 195 Adrift

#I have too much time #like hell #whose gonna read this #its good I promise #tma #the magnus archives #the magpod #magpod #tma analysis #the eye #the web #the end #the lonely #the buried #the spiral #the desolation #the stranger #the flesh #the corruption #the dark #the hunt #the vast #the slaughter #the extinction