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tightjeansjavi · 1 year

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Burning in a Hopeless Dream

Boston QZ: Part 14

“Chest infect me, waste my days”

Joel Miller x f!o/c

A/N: well, here we are! I made it (fucking finally) this chapter turned out to be a LONG one. Second longest one I have written, thus far!

Summary: After finding out Robert sold the battery you and Joel needed for a truck to find Tommy, you hunt him down. The day takes an interesting turn when you, Joel, and Tess run into a spitfire teenager, named Ellie.

~word count: 8.5k~

Warnings: implied age gap, established relationship, angst, more angst and oh, even more angst! canon typical violence, triggering themes, may be disturbing for some viewers, physical violence, being held captive, death of a minor character, trauma, PTSD, depression, brief suicidal thoughts, mentions of drinking, drug use, explosions, depictions of graphic wounds, swearing, anger, rage, arguing, cluster fuck of emotions, (+18) minors dni !

Songs for this chapter :

“Hourglass” by Catfish and the Bottlemen

“I’m a Mess” by Ed Sheeran

“Pirate Song” by Mehro

“Disarm” by The Civil Wars

“Blood In The Cut” by K. Flay

Summer, 2023 : Boston QZ

Believing that Robert was just going to hand you, and Joel, the car battery you so desperately needed, without spilling a little bit of your blood, was truly laughable.

This was by far the stupidest thing you agreed to thus far. You didn’t have much of a choice as Joel’s nightmares, overall mood, and attitude were worsening. Why he also decided to trust Robert's word, was beyond you.

It came as no surprise when you found yourself being jumped by two of Robert’s goons in broad fucking daylight. This was definitely not the way you wanted to start your morning off. The only positive? Perhaps you would soon find yourself getting some decent fucking sleep again.

One blow to the head was enough to knock you out cold. You were awoken by someone snapping their fingers in your face. Your head painfully throbbed and you could taste copper on your tongue from your split upper lip. So, Roberts goons had roughed you up a bit. You couldn’t really blame them for it, considering you and Joel had killed their friends.

“Ah, there she is. There’s the pretty little bitch.”

Robert. Of fucking course.

You couldn’t help but laugh as you lolled your head to the side, refusing to look at him for a moment. You took a deep inhale, then exhaled as you turned your head, looking him dead on with a smirk plastered on your lips.

“Took you fuckin long enough to come after me. Pretty predictable of you. So, what’s gonna happen next? You gonna kill me? You’d be doing me a solid favor if you did honestly. Haven’t had a solid night of decent fucking sleep in months.”

“You think this is funny, sweetheart?” Robert was not expecting you to laugh, let alone suggest that he kill you.

“Oh, I find this to be fucking hilarious. You wanna know why?” You leaned forward in the chair, as you spoke, “doesn’t matter what you do to me. Beat me up, torture me, kill me. Do your fucking worst. I just know you’re a dead man regardless. Cause as soon as Joel finds me? He’s gonna know exactly who to go after. It’s gonna be you Robert. So again, go ahead. Take your revenge on me. I know how fucking badly you want to.”

Robert had leaned down to your level, gripping your chin tightly between his grimy fingers. “Is that a threat, my dear Gwen?”

You laughed, spitting a mixture of saliva and congealed blood on the bastard's face. “How the fuck can it be a threat when it’s a known fact that you’re a dead man Robert. You and I both know Joel well enough that he’s not going to take this lightly.”

Robert had released his grip on your chin, using that hand to wipe the blood and saliva from his face. You didn’t even get a chance to open your mouth to speak before his fist collided with your face, your nose made a sickening crunching sound as the soft bone tissues were broken.

Ouch.

There was fresh blood leaking down your nose, over your lips, chin and neck, staining your shirt crimson. Robert’s face was slightly horrified when you laughed again.

“Damn. That must have really fucking felt good, huh? You gonna do it again? C’mon, is that all you really got?”

He couldn’t get under your skin if he even tried. You had absolutely zero fucks left to give and frankly, the soothing sensation of blood leaking out of your body, felt pretty nice. You were eerily calm.

“I meant what I said y’know. You’re crazier than him.”

“Oh please, tell me something I don’t already know.”

He chuckled taking a step back as he admired his ‘handy work.’

“I’m feeling generous today sweetheart. Consider us even. You had to already know that I wasn’t going to give you the battery, right?”

“Oh I’m fully fucking aware that you weren’t going to give me the damn battery. Joel insisted, and I trusted his word. I deserved to get my blood spilled a bit. Although, I’m thinking maybe I went too easy on you. Maybe I should have twisted the knife a little fuckin deeper—“

He backhanded your face then. The motion nearly gave you whiplash as your head twisted to the side.

“Did Joel ever fuckin tell you that mouth of yours is gonna get you killed one day sweetheart?”

You turned your head, looking right at him once more with a smirk.

“Oh, he’s told me about 1000 times already, Robert. You aren’t special.”

Robert had brushed his grimy thumb against your cheek and you grimaced, fighting the urge to bite his fucking thumb off right then and there.

“What’s gotten your panties in such a twist, sweetheart? Miller not giving it to you the way that he should be?”

What was it with men assuming that women were pissed off just because they weren’t getting “fucked” the way that they deserved. Why did it always come down to sex? Maybe you were fucking pissed because your ass got jumped by these goons, and your nose was fucking broken as a result.

Fucking grimy ass excuses for men, always thinking with their dicks.

“He’s giving it to me just fine. Thank you so much for being concerned about my sex life Robert. You’d never get the fucking chance. I’d bite your dick off in a heartbeat.”

Robert let out a soft sigh as he snapped his fingers once and the two guys that roughed you up in the beginning, released the restraints from around your wrists.

“I know you’re his killing machine, dearest but you could also become mine. The offer still stands.”

“That’s where you’re mistaken, Robert. I’m my own killing machine, and right now? I’m done with your shit, and I would very much like to go home and drink till my face stops fucking hurting. So are we done here? I’ll tell Joel some idiotic teenagers jumped me and roughed me up. Your name will not leave my mouth, I assure you.”

“I’m choosing to trust you, just this one time sweetheart. You go on and run along back to Joel now.”

Just as your wrists were finally free, you heard a collective yell, followed by a loud explosion. You were sent tumbling to the ground, your ears ringing and there was a good chance you had a concussion from the impact. You could feel warm blood dripping down the new gash on your forehead.

Fucking awesome.

You struggled to pull yourself up from the concrete, grabbing ahold of what was left of the wall closest to you for support.

Both of Robert's goons were dead on the floor beside your feet but Robert? He was gone. Motherfucker always had his ways of escaping death. He was like a fucking cockroach. Cut its head off, and the body still moves.

You stumbled outside, the sunlight blinding your vision as your ears continued to ring. Your head throbbed painfully but you were still sharp enough to hear gunshots whizzing past you.

“Free Boston now, mother fucker!” A firefly had yelled. Of course this was another firefly attack.

All citizens must clear the surrounding area immediately. Do not return until FEDRA authorities permit.

When you saw FEDRA soldiers marching up the street, guns drawn, you backed up slowly, with your hands above your head.

“On your knees!” One of the soldiers had demanded

You said you weren’t a firefly, but they didn’t believe you.

You were shoved down to your knees and then it was lights out for the second time that day. Hey, at least you were finally going to get some decent fucking sleep.

Ellie Williams was like most typical teenagers. She had a bit of an attitude problem, she had gotten into fights, she was defiant, had a mouth to her. Ellie was also a devout friend, and she loved hard. What made Ellie unique, and valuable, was something that she viewed as a burden. Ellie was immune.

If she was so fucking valuable, then why the hell did Marlene have her chained up like this?

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

“Four.”

“Five.”

“Six.”

“Seven.”

“Eight”

“Fuck…you.” The teenager spoke with a bored, and annoyed expression on her face. She raised her middle finger up at the medic, who didn’t even look amused by Ellie’s actions.

“Hold out your hand—”

Ellie already had her hand raised.

“State your name, slowly and clearly.”

“Veronica.” Ellie deadpanned.

“Same as yesterday..and the day before and the fucking day before that..I think you get the picture.”

“People are going to come looking for me.”

“People from FEDRA! You hear me?”

“Let me out or you’re gonna pay motherfucker!”

“I’m not supposed to be here!” She yelled.

The medic had already left and the door was slammed shut as Ellie sank down to the ground, in frustration.

On the wall across from her, written in red paint (or even possibly blood) were the words, “When you’re lost in the darkness”

It was late in the evening, sometime after curfew when you were thrown out of lockup.

Your body hit the concrete with a harsh thud as you rolled onto your side, letting out a groan of pain.

You waited until the FEDRA fucks had pulled the steel door shut before you slowly pulled yourself up onto your knees, leaning over, with a mix of blood, sweat, and dirt covering your body. Your eyes were squeezed shut as the dull throbbing in your head began to intensify.

For a split moment in your agony, you thought about how nice it would be to go home, go to sleep, and never wake up again. It flashed through your mind before your heart reminded you that it wasn’t your time yet. You couldn’t leave Joel. You couldn’t do that to him. He was far too entangled in your soul. The thought of leaving him in this cruel, godforsaken, shit fucking excuse of a world, sent a wave of pain right through your heart.

You would not be dying today.

The walk back to yours and Joel’s apartment felt like it took days. By the time you reached the stairs, you were winded and seeing stars behind your eyes.

All you hoped is that Joel was asleep already. You were too wounded, too exhausted to deal with his impending interrogation. All you wanted to do was have a few drinks, and knock out.

When you quietly unlocked the door, you were met with silence, sans the static of the radio by the window. You let out a sigh of relief, your shoulders drooping in as you stumbled inside.

Joel must have only gotten home a little before you did because there on the table was a bottle of whiskey, with your name on it.

Sweet-sweet relief.

You sunk down into the chair, letting your head rest back against the worn wood. The blood from the gash on your forehead had stopped bleeding hours ago. It was crusted over, the blood congealed but it was still painful to the touch.

You wasted no time to snatch the bottle up and take a deep, long swig of the amber liquor. It burned down your throat deliciously.

You took a few more swigs, hoping that the liquor would ease your worries, and lull you to sleep.

You set the bottle back down along the table, and that’s when you noticed the residual powder from the pills that Joel would smuggle in for ration cards. You dragged your finger through what was left, observing it before you let out a deep sigh.

The tears came shortly after. They raked through your body, sending chills and shivers down your spine as you silently wept. Your tears were heavy and flowed down your cheeks like a babbling stream. Your breaths came out shallow, jagged, and you tried desperately to regain your composure.

You wept for Joel.

When your tears finally did cease, you dragged yourself up from the chair and padded down the hall to yours and Joel’s bedroom.

That’s where you found your lover, laid on his side, his back facing the door. His arms were crossed over his chest, almost as if he was hugging himself, in place of your warm, familiar body. He often would sleep with his body facing the door, with his good ear uncovered. You knew it was a particularly bad day when his back was facing the door, as if he didn’t care who the fuck would come into his space.

Your movements were silent as you sank down onto the old mattress, careful to not disturb him in his slumber. You brought your arms around his middle, gently coaxing his back against your chest. You knew your wounds needed cleaning but at that moment, you didn’t care. You just wanted to hold him.

Your face comfortably rested along the crook of his neck, breathing in his natural musk. A mix of pine, gunpowder, and whiskey. You felt him stir at the slightest when your arms had so gently wrapped around him.

“Baby?..” he whispered, eyes still closed as he brought his hands around yours, interlocking your fingers over his tummy, as he let out a long, peaceful, exhale.

“Shh..” you softly cooed. “It’s just me. Go back to sleep lover. You’re safe.”

He let out a low hum, drowsily bringing one of your interlocked hands up to his lips, brushing them over the outside of your hand, and against your knuckles before his body relaxed again.

You awoke sometime in the middle of the night to a presence looming over your face. You knew it was your Joel by the way he was ever so tenderly holding your face between his calloused hands. His thumbs were lightly brushing against your cheeks. They were splattered with dry blood and grime. Your eyes were still closed, but you could picture the furrow of his brows, and his clenched jaw in your mind. His thumb had softly brushed against the dried blood against your hairline, eliciting a wince from you.

He was furious. You could sense it coursing through his entire being as he carefully assessed the damage inflicted on your beautiful face. You were hurt; someone was going to pay for it.

When his thumb brushed across the scabbed skin of your split upper lip, your eyelashes slowly fluttered open.

“Who did this to you?” He spoke above a whisper. There was a slight strain to his voice as you looked up into his deep brown eyes.

“Joel—”

He spoke firmer this time. There was no way in hell that he was going to let you dance around this.

“Who.Did.This.To.You.” He asked with a low growl emitting from his chest as he spoke every syllable.

“Robert.”

There was a moment of silence between you, you could feel his warm breath fanning your face, his eyes locked on yours. His features hardened. You could only imagine the millions of ways Joel was thinking of killing Robert in those moments.

“Did he—did try and?” Joel couldn’t even form the complete sentence and by the way his face constricted, you knew he was seeing red. If Robert ever— you remembered the unpleasant chill that slipped down your spine when Robert had brushed his grimy thumb across your cheekbone.

“No, baby. He didn’t. I promise.” You reassured him.

You could see a brief moment of a relief wash over your man’s beautiful, weathered features. It was gone as quickly as it came. Hidden from your view and replaced with hardness once more.

“I’m so sorry Gwen. I should have been there. Baby, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. Thought maybe the fucker was scared into intimidation. Thought it would be safe. My sweet girl, I’m so sorry.”

You let out a deep sigh as your eyes fluttered shut once more. You were exhausted, physically, and mentally.

“It’s not your fault Joel. I should have been more cautious. Two of his guys knocked me out in broad daylight. I wasn’t watching my back and that’s all on me.”

“No. It’s not your fault. I insisted that we trust him and that he’d give us the battery. I got you fuckin’ hurt dammit. Don’t start this shit with me okay? You coulda been fuckin’ dead in alley. He could have—” He insisted.

“Joel, please. I don’t want to argue. I’m tired and I got thrown in fucking lock up for the rest of the day. This was a collective fuck up on both our parts. I’m not going to let you take all the fucking blame. I won’t allow you to do that to yourself.”

“You got fuckin’ thrown in lockup?! For what?” He harshly spoke.

“Another firefly attack. Bombed the building next to us. FEDRA had me down on my knees and I insisted I wasn’t a firefly, but they didn’t believe me.”

He shook his head, grinding his teeth together as he thought about the hell you had just gone through.

“I don’t care what you say, Alright? I should have been there as your backup. Was fuckin’ stupid of me to let you go in alone. Shoulda known that you were goin’ to get set up.”

“Joel. It literally doesn’t fucking matter right now, alright? I got my shit handed to me and I made it out alive. Can’t you just for once focus on that? You can’t always be the hero there to save me every fucking time I’m in trouble—”

“Like hell I can’t.” He spat.

“You could have fuckin’ died. I ain’t about to brush over that fact. This happened because I’ve been blinded by the fact that my brother could be dead out there. Fuckin’ careless of me.”

You let out a deep sigh as you slowly sat up so you were more level with him. Your hands were gently holding his face now as you tried to bring him back down to earth. He was fuming. His chest was rising at a fast rate, his nostrils flared and his pupils dilated.

“Joel, listen to me alright? I’m right here. I am alive. I am breathing. I’m injured, sure but c’mon, you and I both know I wouldn’t go down without putting up a fight.”

Joel took a deep inhale through his nose, closing his eyes for a moment as he relished in the softness of your hands holding his face. No amount of your softness could keep his anger at bay. It was there, it was simmering, and it wasn’t about to go away.

“Do you have any fuckin’ idea what I was put through when you nearly died on me the first time? Do you have any idea what I felt, sweet girl? I don’t care that you made it out alive. You could have fuckin’ died and I wouldn’t have even known! I would have found you in a ditch or a fuckin’ alley—” his voice broke as his tears began to freely fall.

Fuck.

“Joel, stop it. Please stop! Listen to me. Please just listen to me. Listen to my voice. Do not allow yourself to go to that place, okay? For fuck sakes, baby. I’m right here. I am holding your fucking face in my hands. I’m breathing, see? Do you want to feel my heartbeat?” You pleaded with him, grabbing his hand and placing it against your chest, where he could feel the steady thrum of your heart beat under his palm.

“You don’t fuckin’ understand. You’re alive, you're breathing. You’re here right in front of me. You’re right here, but how do you expect me to just fuckin’ act like there wasn’t a possibility that you coulda been dead? That possibility is always fuckin’ there and I can’t—I can’t lose you.” He admitted.

“Joel, do you hear that? It’s my fucking heartbeat. It’s my blood pumping, my lungs producing oxygen. Please, I’m begging you to just focus on that. Can you just try, for a moment?”

“I understand that there’s always going to be the possibility that you could lose me, I get it baby. It’s scary. I get afraid of the possibility of losing you too, every goddamn day. I try my best to not let it consume me. Sometimes the thoughts win, sometimes they don’t. I don’t focus on the times that they win, I focus on the times that I persevere.”

Joel let your words sink into his core, to his very soul. He knew he was getting himself worked up. Instead of minimizing his fears, you helped him work through them. He didn’t realize that you shared the same fears as he did. The fear of losing each other.

“I’m sorry.” He finally spoke, letting his head hang between your hands.

“Joel, you have nothing to be sorry for, okay? Please, baby. Look at me. I know you were scared. Hell, I was too, okay? I—almost thought of what it would be like if I had fucking died today. Whether it would be from the injuries I sustained from Robert or Fedra knocking me around a bit. When they threw me out onto the concrete and I was just laying there? The thought crossed my mind.”

Joel was silent as he slowly lifted his head to look back up at you, he spotted your fresh tears and then his arms were around you, pulling you into his broad chest as your legs found their home around his hips.

“No, my sweet girl. Please tell me this isn’t true. You didn’t have those thoughts. You were just..you were in pain and confused. Maybe the heat came into play? You weren’t thinking clearly, that’s all.” He tried to convince himself.

He was clutching you so tightly to his chest, you felt like you almost couldn’t breathe. He was afraid that if he let you go, you’d turn to dust before his very eyes.

“I’m sorry. I wish it weren’t true. It was a moment that briefly washed over me as I laid there. I thought of you Joel. I thought about how I couldn’t leave you like that. I wouldn’t. This is why I understand you, okay? I have my own set of fears, just like you. The only thing we can do is try and not let them win. We’re survivors, remember?”

His fingers were under your torn shirt, feeling the warmth of your skin against the pads of his fingers, his hands splayed out across your lower back, feeling you naturally lean into his touch.

You had managed to sneak your hands back up to his face, letting your fingers stroke his coarse, wiry beard.

He spoke finally.

“I got you, you got me, always.”

“You got me, I got you, always.” You repeated it back, pressing a soft kiss to his jawline as he held you.

“I take it, he sold the battery as well? Fuckin’ knew I shouldn’t have trusted that bastard.”

“He did. I also gave him my word that I wouldn’t tell you this was his doing. Told him that I’d tell you some teenagers roughed me up.” I also promised Robert you wouldn’t hurt him, but I would very much like for you to hurt him.”

Joel scoffed under his breath at Robert’s stupidity. “He actually fuckin’ believed you? I'm gonna do more than just hurt him, baby. I’m gonna fuckin’ kill him. He’s gonna answer to me for what he’s done to you.”

“I know you will Joel.”

“What the hell are we gonna do about the battery? We need it for the fuckin’ truck. It’s the only way we’re gonna get to Tommy at this rate.”

“We’re gonna get the battery back before you kill him. We’ll figure out who he sold it to. Then we’re gonna track this motherfucker down, get our battery, and our truck, and then we’ll go find Tommy. Alright?”

“Alright.” He agreed.

Joel did not allow sleep to welcome you with open arms, till he had helped you out of your tattered clothing, bathed you under the gentle stream of the shower, and tended to your wounds. You nearly dozed off in his arms as he held you in the shower. He had to coax you awake with soft touches, squeezes and feather light kisses to your cheeks.

“C’mon, sweet girl. Keep those eyes open for me. I’m almost done honey, and then you can rest, okay? He whispered against your damp hair as he washed the blood and grime from your skin.

He helped you out of the shower, wrapping you up in a towel before he had you sit on the edge of the sink, while he comfortably stood between your thighs, tending to each one of your wounds. He had the first aid kit resting on your lap as he used a bit of rubbing alcohol on a rag to disinfect the gash along your head. Once he was finished, he soothed the sting from the alcohol by pressing a soft kiss to the tender, healing flesh. Once you were both tucked safely away in bed, with your head against his chest, and his arms draped around your waist, did you finally slip into a peaceful slumber.

It didn’t take long for you to figure out where the fuck Robert was hiding. His “loyal” followers wasted no time on giving him up when you offered one of them a small stack of ration cards. You were good at doing the sweet talking. Joel was close by, leaned up against a wall, with his arms crossed over his broad chest. He was watching the exchange go down intently. When you looked over your shoulder at him, giving him a small nod, he returned one back.

“Hey, friend. Don’t worry, I don’t want anything.” A QZ resident spoke as they approached Joel.

“But if you’re feelin’ lost…”

Joel didn’t even look over at the man. He was too focused on you. His head turned only the slightest, his jaw clenched as he muttered, “You tell me to “look for the light” and I’ll break your fuckin’ jaw.”

The guy held his hands up in defense, quietly backing away from Joel just as you were approaching.

“Well, it cost us a couple of cards, but we got him. So much for his “loyal” followers huh? Gave him up just like that.”

Joel’s hand had found its way to your lower back, gently grazing his fingers across the sliver of exposed skin beneath your shirt.

“No surprise there darlin.’ So, where’s the fucker at?”

“Said he’s taking the battery to a red-tagged building. At the corner of Stillman and Cross.”

Joel nodded, letting you walk alongside him. His fingers were still splayed against your lower back. Normally, your man wasn’t one for PDA. After what happened to you yesterday, he wasn’t going to let you out of his sight.

“The one that Miguel used to use?” He asked.

“Bingo.” You grinned up at him, using your hand to shield your eyes from the sweltering sun. Your face was discolored from the bruising. The swelling from your black eye had slightly gone down along with your split upper lip. The gash along your forehead would take longer to heal. To put it simply, you looked like hell.

“We’ll take the subway tunnel under Haymarket, get into the building from below, and take Robert by surprise.”

“Pay this fucker back.” Joel swore to you.

The two of you headed back to the apartment, making it up the stairs before you noticed Tess, leaned against the apartment door with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Jesus fuck, when Joel told me you got beat up, I didn’t realize it was gonna be this bad. You look like hell Gwen.”

You punched Joel in the bicep lightly, narrowing your eyes at him. “You really just had to go and tell her huh?”

He stifled a chuckle. “She was gonna find out either way. Besides, she’s got her own reasons for wantin’ to get back at him.”

“Yeah, okay. Fair enough.”

“So, what’s the plan then?” Tess asked.

You and Joel gave her the rundown of the plan, step by step. The three of you were back at it again. It felt like the good old times, even if it was just for a brief moment.

As the three of you set out, after reloading your supplies, you had no idea that your lives would drastically change in a short amount of time. All thanks to a spit-fire teenager, named Ellie Williams.

“Well, the battery’s no good.” You spoke while standing over Robert’s deceased body, gun drawn. “He still tried to sell it, twice. You greedy fuck.” Hope you rot in hell.

There were other deceased bodies other than Robert’s, lying on the tarnished wood. A shootout had clearly taken place and Joel instinctively took the lead, stepping in front of you, and Tess, his own gun drawn. His eyes and ears focused on the sound of a human grunt, and whispers.

You and Tess came up behind him, guns drawn, focused on the sound, as Joel peeked around the corner, taking a small step down the hall.

He had briefly recognized Marlene’s face, just as his attention diverted to the door next to his side opening. In a fury, a girl had thrown herself out of the door, letting out a yell with her knife drawn. Joel wasted no time to body slam the kid into the wall. He was acting solely on reflexes, and what he believed to be an apparent threat.

Ellie had fallen against the floor pretty hard, slightly winded from Joel throwing her into the wall. She slowly pulled herself up from the ground, her breath staggered as she looked up at the barrel of the gun, and the threatening, brooding man that possessed it.

You could see the fear strike the young girl's eyes from where you were standing. You knew Joel wouldn’t shoot a kid. His thumbs were nowhere near the trigger.

“Joel?” Marlene asked, clutching her side where a bullet wound had penetrated the skin tissue. She was in disbelief that he was there.

“Marlene?” He answered back, the barrel of his gun still pointed directly at Ellie.

Ellie had tried to grab her knife from the floor, but Joel immediately slammed the toe of his boot over it just as she reached for it. He gave her a warning look, a stern one.

You and Tess stepped around the corner, your guns at your side. Neither of you saw the situation at hand as a threat.

“So this is who Robert screwed us over with?” You asked, stopping a few feet behind Joel. “The Che Guevara of Boston? I mean, war must be going pretty fucking shitty for you to be buying from scumbags like him.”

“Yeah, it obviously has been.” Marlene quipped back. She had never been a fan of yours, and you weren’t the biggest fan of hers either. Not when the stunt her and the fireflies committed yesterday, resulted in you being thrown in lock up.

“The merch was bad,” Marlene continued, “and he obviously didn’t take “fuck off” for an answer.”

Joel’s boot was still firmly pressed down on Ellie’s knife, his gun now pointed at Marlene.

“Gimme my knife.” The teenager demanded.

“What do you need a car battery for?” Joel asked, not even paying attention to Ellie’s request.

Ellie went to grab her knife from under his boot and as soon as she did, Joel’s gun was trained back on her. A mix of annoyance and displeasure crossed his face.

“Don’t.” He warned.

Marlene and Kim immediately raised their guns at Joel. Yours and Tess’s quickly followed.

“Not at her. Point it at me.” Marlene requested and by her expression alone, and the strained tone to her voice, you could tell this wasn’t just some other kid. There was always something more to the story.

Ellie’s arms were raised up against the wall, she had fear deeply rooted in her dark brown eyes.

“Joel.” You calmly spoke, stepping around him, placing your hand on his arm, coaxing him to lower his gun. He begrudgingly obeyed, looking over your shoulder at the terrified teenager with a raise of his brows.

Marlene let out a visible sigh of relief when Joel had lowered his gun away from Ellie.

“To answer your question, I need the battery for a better reason than you do. No offense Joel, but Tommy’s just one man.”

Joel didn’t like her answer one bit. Not one fucking bit. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean Marlene? That’s my fuckin’ brother you’re talkin’ about. You’re the cause of it. You turned my own fuckin’ brother against me.”

Your eyes were focused on Ellie as she slowly brought her arms down from the wall. She briefly made eye contact with you, and you gave the teenager a reassuring nod to stay put. Don’t move. Stay where you are. You’ll be safe.

“We were gonna move Ellie outta the zone tonight. I know what I did Joel. This goes further than Tommy, than you and I. Than all of us combined here.”

“Yeah? By the looks of it, you aren’t gonna make it far with a wound like that Marlene.” You scoffed under your breath.

Marlene gave you a disapproving look, focusing her attention back on Joel. “So now I’m thinkin’…you’re gonna do it.”

“The hell we are—” Joel was cut off by Ellie’s immediate rebuttal.

“I’m not goin’ with them!” Could you really blame her? You wouldn’t want to go with them either if you were seemingly held captive, with a gun pointed at you like that. She was just a kid. You seemed to be the only one at the moment who recognized this.

“Who is she?” Tess asked.

“To you? She’s cargo.”

“We don’t smuggle people.” Was Joel’s immediate response.

Ellie looked around nervously, her eyes locking on yours once more. You seemed to be the only friendly face to her at that moment.

“There’s a team of fireflies at the old State House. I know what’s out there. We were going with an entire squadron for that exact reason. Now I don’t have a truck, and I sure as hell don’t have a squadron.” Marlene sarcastically gestured to the dead fireflies on the ground in the hallway.

“FEDRA’s five minutes away. They surely heard all that gunfire, Joel. What I do have? Is you. I know what all three of you are capable of. For better, or for worse.”

“Joel.”

He turned slightly to look at you, shaking his head. “No. We don’t smuggle people Gwen. We fuckin’ don’t. This ain’t the time to be the hero, alright? We’ve wasted enough fuckin’ time already. We’ll just have to get a battery another way.”

“What are they capable of?” Ellie asked, uncertainty in her tone.

“She’s just a kid Joel. What’re we gonna fucking do? Just leave her here?”

“I fuckin’ said no. That’s final.”

Marlene tried to reason with him one more time. “You get her there safely, and they’ll give you what you need. Not just a battery. The whole fuckin’ thing. Fueled-up truck, guns, supplies, all of it. I swear.” To your ears, it sounded like too sweet of a deal. To Joel, it sounded like the best news he had heard in awhile.

He looked down at the kid then, seeing that she might be the ticket to finding his brother. He kicked her knife off to the side, far from her reach.

“Asshole!” She looked up at him, annoyance written all over her face.

You were already reaching down to help the teenager up from the floor, Joel had grasped your arm, tugging you back up, giving you a warning look.

The three of you briefly discussed it along the wall. It was clear then that Ellie would be coming with you.

“Okay, here’s the deal. We’ll get her to your crew at the State House. However, before we hand her over, they give us everything we want. If not? We kill her. Right there and then.” Tess spoke.

“Deal” Marlene agreed with zero hesitation in her tone.

“Really? That fucking fast?” Ellie spoke in disbelief. You could see the distrust she immediately felt for Marlene. For throwing her now to some complete strangers. You sympathized with the kid for that reason.

“Go and get your backpack. Now, Ellie.”

Ellie pulled herself up from the ground, grabbing her backup from the other room. On the way out, she shoulder checked Joel, bending down and grabbed her knife before she continued down the hall.

“Joel, don’t fuck this up. Please.” She begged him.

Joel gave Marlene one look, with no response before he turned on his heel, and headed down the hall.

It was pouring outside as the four of you left the building. Joel walked behind you and Ellie, while Tess was in the front. You walked back to the apartment in a haste, opening the door before ushering the kid inside, closing it behind her.

“Was it really necessary to say that we’re gonna kill her? C’mon. She’s just a fucking kid. We’re not gonna kill a kid. That’s fucking ridiculous and you both know it.” You spoke, leaned against the outside wall with your arms crossed over your chest.

“Didn’t I tell you back there that this is no time to act like the fuckin’ hero? Can you just listen for once in your life?” Joel spoke, annoyance in his tone.

“We’re not fucking killing a goddamn kid Joel.”

“Fine. What’s the plan? There’s the short way, or the long way. We’re gonna have to stop at Bill and Franks to reload on ammo and supplies, after we deliver the kid to the fireflies.”

“What if Marlene was bluffing? I’m not saying she was, but that was an awful big promise she made back there. If she’s lying, and there’s no fireflies at the State House, then what are we gonna do?”

Joel let out a deep sigh, scrubbing his hand over his face. “Guess we’re just gonna have to figure that out if it gets to that point. Huh darlin’?”

“Just think it would be smart for us to think of all the possibilities.”

“That’s why you’re the brains of the operation.” Tess chimed in. “Marlene seemed too desperate to be bluffing. This kid is obviously important to the fireflies for whatever fucking reason that may be.”

“We’ll leave after dark. Take the old route out of the QZ. I’ll tell you both one thing right now. I will not be fuckin’ riskin’ my life for this kid. You got that? Not a fuckin’ chance.”

Tess rolled her eyes while you let out a low scoff. “Yeah, alright Joel. No one’s asking you to risk your life for anyone. Don’t go and get your panties in a twist Texas. Now listen, you guys stay here. I’m gonna go home and let Bea know I’ll be gone for a few days. She can meet us at Bill in Franks. I’ll radio her when we get there.”

“Sounds good. We leave at nightfall then?”

“Nightfall. See you in a bit.”

Tess headed down the stairs, and out of sight. Just as Joel was grabbing the door handle, you stopped him, backing him against the wall.

“Hold on there now cowboy. Before you go in there, can you please try and be fucking nice? I know you’re pissed as all hell that Robert sold the battery, and now we’re in this. You gotta remember that’s a kid in there. Not an adult. A fucking kid. Don’t be an asshole.”

“Here we go again.” He grumbled.

“Do I have to fucking repeat myself Joel? Be fucking nice.”

He scoffed under his breath, letting his hands grab your waist firmly, pulling you flush against his chest. “Fine. I ain’t gonna enjoy doin’ it though. I want you to know that.”

“Yeah, yeah, grumpy. Whatever you say.”

“Cut that attitude before I do somethin’ about it.”

You shut him up quickly then with a surprise kiss to his cheek, before you slipped out of his grasp and opened the door to the apartment.

You could hear him mutter distinctly under his breath, “fuckin’ minx” before he followed you inside, closing the door behind him and locked it.

Ellie had already been snooping through the apartment, she looked slightly guilty as she held a thick book in her hands titled, “The Billboard Book of Number 1 Hits.” you gave her a reassuring nod before heading down the hall to gather up some things. Leaving the teenager with Joel.

“So, who’s Bill and Frank?” she asked curiously as Joel strode past her, throwing his backpack down as he sank down onto the couch.

“The radio’s a smuggling code, right? ‘60’s song, they don’t have anything new, ‘70’s they got new stuff. What’s ‘80’s?” Man, this kid was pretty sharp.

Joel didn’t respond as he rose from the couch, walking over to her and snatched the book, slamming it shut, and threw it down on the table with a harsh thud.

He wasted no time to head back to the couch, flopping down on it without a care in the world. This kid, this cargo was already a fucking nuisance in his eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“Killin’ time.”

“Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do?”

“I’m sure you’ll figure that out.” He spoke with his eyes closed.

She picked the book back up from the table, walking past him. “Your watch is broken.” Ellie stated the obvious.

You and Joel had the same idea of taking a quick power nap. Conserving your energy was a smart move.

Joel awoke to Ellie sitting alongside the chair by the window, looking out at the street below.

“You mumble in your sleep. Just thought you should know.”

Joel grunted in response, slowly sitting up as he rubbed his shoulder.

“I’ve never been on the other side of the wall.”

Ellie felt like she was talking to a fucking brick wall. She sensed some form of comfort. Anything she could find at that moment.

“You guys go out there a lot?”

He sighed, leaning back against the couch. He had no particular interest in engaging in any sort of conversation with this kid, but he’d do it for you.

“I guess.”

“When was the last time?”

“Maybe a year? What’s it matter to you?”

“But you know where to go. So we’re going to be okay.”

He finally looked up at her then. He could sense her uncertainty just by the way she looked at him. His face softened, just for a moment. “Yeah. We’re gonna be okay.”

“What’s the deal with you anyway? You some bigwig’s daughter or somethin’?” He asked.

“I guess you could say I’m something like that. Sure.”

Silence.

“Oh, the radio came on when you were sleeping.” She casually stated.

This caught his attention immediately.

“What? What was the song?”

“He kept saying something like, “wake me up before you go-go?”

“Shit.” He whispered under his breath, looking down at the floor.

Ellie looked over at him, a smirk spreading across her face. “Gotcha.” she spoke in victory. ‘80’s means trouble, code broken.” She whispered the last bit.

Just as Joel was standing up, clearly not impressed with the kids' antics, and very much annoyed, you emerged from the bedroom, backpack slung on your shoulder, and the front door of the apartment unlocked, revealing Tess.

“Relieved to see you didn’t kill each other.” You mused.

Joel let out a huff as he grabbed his own bag, slinging it over his shoulder as you tossed him his coat. “You’re hilarious, darlin’”

“That’s cute and all guys but we really gotta get goin.’ If this all works out, Bea is gonna meet us at Bill and Franks, three days from now.”

“Anything for love, right?” You spoke, looking at Joel.

“Jesus Christ. I thought by now you guys would surpass the whole honeymoon stage.”

“Shuddup, Tess. I know you agree with me.” You walked over to Ellie. “We gotta take the underground system to avoid FEDRA. You got a coat in your bag kid?”

Ellie nodded.

“Good. Put it on.”

The four of you crept out into the night. The rain had let up some but there were still low rumbles of thunder in the distance.

The tunnel system was dark, and musty, but the three of you had used it many times. You knew it like it was the back of your hand.

Joel was the first to emerge from the ground, helping you out, then Ellie and Tess.

Ellie was shook to her core that she was actually outside for once as she stood up, looking around in childlike amazement. “Holy shit. I’m actually outside.”

In a flash, you grabbed her arm, bringing her back down to the earth. “Hey. Don’t be stupid, alright? You want to get yourself killed?” Ellie shook her head. “That’s what I thought. You stay low, alright. Stay close, and follow my lead.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” She spoke apologetically.

You gave her a reassuring nod. “Alright, let’s go. We’re not out of the woods yet. Last thing you want is to get thrown in lock up, kid. Trust me.”

FEDRA was on full patrol tonight. Armored trucks, helicopters whirring above. It would actually be a goddamn miracle if the four of you weren’t caught.

Just when it seemed like you were all safe, you turned a corner, seeing a FEDRA officer urinating on a concrete wall.

Fucking fantastic.

Once the officer turned around, zipped up his pants and pulled his visor up. He was shocked to see you, Joel, and Tess.

“You gotta be fuckin’ shittin’ me.”

“Okay, let’s talk this out. Lower your gun man. Ain’t no need to be pointin’ that at us. We can talk this through.” Joel spoke with his hands raised.

“Turn around. Get on your fuckin’ knees. Get on your fuckin’ knees!” The officer demanded. The brightness of his flashlight shined painfully in your eyes.

“Hold on. Take it easy—”

“What did I fuckin’ tell you, man? I said stay the fuck home. Get on your fuckin’ knees!”

You grabbed the sleeves of Ellie’s jacket, gently pulling her down onto her knees beside you.

“Listen, you let us do this run? We’ll split the cards with you. I swear on it.” You spoke, turning your head to look over your shoulder at the officer.

“Oh, will you? That’s fuckin’ rich comin’ from you Gwen. Shut your fuckin’ mouth and turn around. Put your hands on your head, eyes forward.”

The four of you obeyed, and when you could feel the coolness of the device used to check residents for the cordyceps infection along your neck, you turned around, looking up at the officer. “You fuckin’ serious right now? Is this really necessary?”

“Absolutely, sweetheart. We’re doing this by the book.”

He had scanned the three of your necks, one by one. Just as Joel started trying to reason with the officer again.

Once he got to Ellie, it all went by in a blur. She had stabbed the officer in the knee in one swift movement with her knife.

“Fuckin’ bitch!”

Joel was already standing protectively in front of Ellie, his hands raised as the soldier pointed the barrel of the machine gun at him.

“We can fix this!”

“Get out of the fuckin’ way. Move!” The soldier demanded

Joel could already hear the ringing in his ears, his heart rate quickening. Sarah’s distant screams filled his mind. The bullets, her body tumbling, her blood, the bullets, her body tumbling, her blood, the bullets—the bullets—the bullets—

Suddenly, Joel lunged, tackling the officer to the damp ground with a loud grunt. His fists collided into the soldier's face, over and over again. The bullets, her body tumbling, her blood, the bullets, her body tumbling, her blood, the bullets, Sarah—baby girl, I have to get you up—Tommy, help me!

Joel continued to throw punches, he had completely blacked out from rage. The trauma of the night he lost his baby girl, took over his senses. There was no stopping him. Each time his fist collided with the soldier's face, you could hear the sickening crack of bone, blood spurting, the soldier’s pained grunts.

You knew what your man was capable of. It came as no shock, but you hadn’t seen him this feral before.

Ellie stood behind the scene, watching in disbelief. Her eyes held no fear. Each punch Joel threw, awakened something in her. To see someone go this far in lengths to defend her? It was something she had never experienced before. No one had ever protected her like this before. She loved it.

When Joel finally came to his senses, he was breathing heavily over the deceased soldier. His eyes were dark, pupils dilated. His knuckles were severely bruised and coated in thick crimson. He looked over his shoulder at you, then at Ellie and Tess.

The device on the ground had turned red. Ellie was the last to be checked—no, it couldn’t be. She wasn’t infected. Why the fuck would Marlene entrust you with an infected kid? There must be some mistake.

“No no! I’m not sick! I’m not sick! Please, I’m not sick!”

“JOEL!” Tess yelled, holding up the device.

“I’m not sick! I’m not sick!” Ellie pleaded, pulling the sleeve of her shirt up to reveal her bite mark. Even in the dark, it looked different than the typical bite marks you had seen.

“Look! Look! This is three weeks old! I swear! Nobody lasts more than a day!”

You moved in front of Tess, grabbing the teens arm as you quickly inspected her bite mark in disbelief.

“When did this happen?!” Tess demanded.

“It doesn’t fucking matter! You have to trust me! Please! Please trust me!” Ellie begged.

“That’s enough, Tess! That’s enough! We have to get going, right now! They’re gonna catch us if we don’t run!”

You looked over at Joel, who was observing his bloodied up knuckles, you could see his trembling from where you stood. “Joel? Joel! We have to move, now!” You walked over to him in a haste, placing your hand on his shoulder. “We have to go right fuckin’ now, baby! C’mon!”

He snapped his head up towards you, understanding what you were saying. He stood up, grabbing the deceased soldier's machine gun, and strapped it over his shoulder, using his good hand to urge you forward, towards the opening in the perimeter fence. “Go, baby! I’m right behind you darlin’! Right behind you!”

A loud crack of thunder boomed overhead as the sirens wailed in the distance. The four of you had slipped through the hole in the metal fence, just as the skies opened up once more. Blinding you with a torrential downpour from the heavens.

Radio turns on, static. “Never Let Me Down Again” by Depeche Mode starts playing.

80’s mean trouble; Bill and Frank.

The four of you quickly ran through the fallen city, Joel by your side, and Ellie and Tess in the front. You glanced at each other momentarily as you ran. Even through the pouring rain, and whipping wind, you held eye contact for a fleeting moment.

Chapter 15:

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tightjeansjavi · 1 year

Text

Burning in a Hopeless Dream

Boston QZ: Part 15

“They See Right Through Me”

Joel Miller x f!o/c

A/N: thank you for your patience as I took the time to write this for y’all. This was not only the longest chapter I have written, this was also the hardest, and emotionally challenging one thus far. I am extremely proud of how this has turned out. Thank you for reading ♡

Summary: Save who you can save Joel.

~word count: 11.7k~

Warnings: age gap (o/c is in her early 30’s Joel is in his 50’s) established relationship, angst, dark! Joel, mean! Joel. You’re gonna hate him by the end of this chapter! Joel, canon typical violence, death of a major character, trauma, arguments, gaslighting, PTSD, anger, rage, heart break, triggering themes that may be disturbing for some viewers. Please proceed with caution and read the warnings. (+18) minors dni !

Songs for this chapter:

“The Archer” By Taylor Swift

“You Are My Sunshine” by The Civil Wars

“Godspeed” By Frank Ocean

“Same Old Same Old” by The Civil Wars

“take a moment to breathe” by normal the kid

“My Cell” The Lumineers

“Paper Houses” by Niall Horan

“Wait” by M83

“Save Yourself” by KALEO

“It’ll All Work Out” by Phoebe Bridgers

Summer, 2023 : 5 Miles outside the QZ

“From this point forward, the three of us have to actively remember that Ellie is just a kid.” You spoke, sitting along an old crate in the abandoned building you, Joel, and Tess had found to take cover from the storm. Ellie was asleep, in the middle of the room. She used her backpack as a pillow, under a bed of moss.

Joel scoffed alongside you. His hand was still bloodied and bruised up. The thin skin of his knuckles were torn, shredded, and you were doing your best to clean out any debris embedded in the flesh. “She ain’t just a kid. She’s fuckin’ cargo to us.” He gritted out. He could feel the muscles, and tendons in his hand twitching. He had definitely broken it from the amount of times his fist made contact with the FEDRA soldiers face.

“Does she fucking look like cargo to you Joel? That’s a kid who’s life just got drastically turned upside down in a matter of hours. All she’s clearly known is Marlene, and the fireflies, and now 3 strangers.” You shook your head, refusing to make eye contact with him as you swiped a bit of 20 year old disinfectant along his knuckles, eliciting a hiss from between his lips.

“She is cargo. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you don’t let your emotions get in the fucking way. You forgetting what we’re doin’ this for? We’re doin’ this for Tommy, Gwen. We get the battery, the truck, everything Marlene promised us, and we go and find my brother. That’s the plan and it ain’t changin’ darlin’.”

“You know, if I had just met you two, I’d think you were an old married couple by the way you fuckin’ bicker together.” Tess whispered, amusement in her tone.

Joel rolled his eyes immediately in response. “Yeah?” He scoffed. “Well, we sure as hell ain’t an old married couple.”

“No, but you’re actin’ like one. At this rate, I’d put a ring on her finger sooner, rather than later Texas.”

“You see an every kiss begins with Kay or jade jewelers, or whatever the fuck around here? Cause I sure as hell ain’t seein’ any. Not to mention, that ain’t our style. Marriage? That’s hilarious Tess. Really fuckin’ funny.”

It wasn’t that Joel thought there was anything bad about marriage. It was more-so the fact the that he hadn’t had thoughts about marriage in over 20 fucking years. Besides, putting a ring on your finger seemed way too cliche. Totally not yours, or his style.

“I think I’d actually commit murder if he even attempted to put a ring on my finger.” You chimed in, your eyes were still focused on tending to Joel’s hand.

“That’s exactly 100% why you’re Joel’s girl.”

“Damn right she is.” He agreed.

“You’re both seriously beyond insufferable right now. Just wanted to let you know.” You mumbled under your breath with a small grin tugging on your lips.

A bright flash of lighting, followed by a loud crack of thunder, ended the lighthearted banter.

“Have you thought of the possibility that maybe Marlene is lying about the truck, and weapons that she promised us? Look, I have my reasons to not trust Marlene, but I really think we need to think about this from a logical standpoint. If the case ends up being there’s no truck, or weapons, we can’t just leave Ellie to fend for herself.”

Joel was ripping his hand from your grasp when you had attempted to bandage his knuckles up. He had given you a stone cold look, one that sent an unpleasant chill down your spine.

“Marlene seemed too fuckin’ desperate to make up a lie like that darlin’. Besides, Tess and I have known Marlene far longer than you have. If she says there’s a truck and weapons waiting at the state house, she ain’t lyin’ about that. The only reason you have to not trust her is because she’s a fuckin’ firefly.”

You narrowed your eyes at him as you tucked your first aid kit back into your backpack and stood up. “Yeah? Well if you remember correctly, she’s the reason why I got fucking thrown into lockup. Her and the rest of the fireflies are the reason behind that. You just want me to go along and trust her? She’s never even fucking liked me Joel.” His gaze fell upon your face as you shrugged off your jacket and gently placed it over Ellie’s curled up sleeping form just a few feet away.

“You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time Gwen. Shit fuckin’ happens. You don’t wanna trust Marlene? Go on right ahead and see where that gets you. You’ll be eating your words the second we drop this kid off and get our reward.”

You scoffed under your breath as you sank down against the wall, far away from him now with your arms crossed over your chest. “Yeah, okay Joel. Can you stop being a fucking asshole?”

“Stop saying stupid fuckin’ shit and then I won’t have a reason to be an asshole darlin’”

You bit down on the inside of your cheek, tasting copper along your tongue. You missed the moments where Joel was attentive to you, and your feelings. Where he was tender, gentle, soft with your heart. You missed that side of him desperately.

Ellie, unbeknownst to the three of you, was wide awake and listening to the entire conversation as it ensued. The second you placed your jacket over her, she felt an immediate trust for you. Especially for the fact that you emphasized that she was just a kid. She was wary of the other two you traveled with. Especially Joel. He seemed like one mean motherfucker.

Joel had taken the first watch of the night while you and Tess slept. Except, you couldn’t sleep at all. Despite how mean your partner was to you earlier, you couldn’t give him the cold shoulder forever.

He had turned his head towards you in the slightest when he could hear your boots scraping against the pavement as you stood up. He let out a soft sigh when you sank down beside him, pulling your knees up to your chest.

“Why aren’t you sleepin’ honey?” His tone was much softer now, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up.

“I don’t sleep most nights anymore Joel.”

He frowned at this and finally looked over at you, turning his body so he was facing you. His good hand was still firmly grasped around the machine gun strapped across his shoulder.

“You wanna talk about it? I’m all ears for you darlin’” he rasped.

“There’s nothing to talk about Joel. This has been going on for months. I’ve come to accept that a decent night's rest is not something attainable for me anymore. I’m on edge constantly, and for good reason.” You had your chin tucked into your shoulder as you looked over at him. The rain wasn’t as heavy anymore but there were still low rumbles of thunder in the distance.

Joel took a deep inhale through his nose, his nostrils flaring slightly as he breathed out, feeling the tension in his shoulders dissipate.

“C’mere. You ain’t have a reason to be on edge when I’m right here. Okay? Look, I know these last few months have not been ideal. Shits been handed to us left and right. I don’t want you thinkin’ that I don’t care either, alright? You know I do.” He slipped the rifle off of his shoulder before he was reaching for you, gently wrapping his good hand around your forearm, coaxing you closer.

“I know you care, Joel. I know that you’re just stressed over Tommy, and now this whole situation. I just…I got so fucking comfortable when we were just..happy. You remember that?” You didn’t fight him as he gently pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly to his chest, resting his chin along the top of your head. His arms were secured around your middle, your back pressed firmly to his chest.

“We both knew that wasn’t going to last forever baby. Those were the best moments. I ain’t forgotten them. M’sorry for the way I’ve snapped at you. I don’t know how to deal with how I’ve been feelin’ about Tommy. I know that’s not an excuse to treat ya that way. I don’t wanna lose you too..”

“We could have stayed with Bill and Frank y’know. There were so many houses and we could have had a comfortable life there. I know it sounds silly, how can anyone live comfortably in an apocalypse? Somehow Bill and Frank have. They’ve pretty much gone and done the impossible. Listen, I know you don’t mean what you’ve said. Does it hurt me? Absolutely. You’d have to do something unforgivable to lose me Joel. So please don’t go speaking like that.” You placed your hands over his, as you gently brought his damaged hand up to your lips, lightly pressing a kiss to the broken skin on his knuckles.

“Maybe we can have that one day, sweet girl. Just the two of us, okay? We’ll find a home somewhere to call ours. Maybe a couple horses, a nice big yard? A library for all your books..a decent mattress, with pillows that aren’t moth eaten. A nice big kitchen where we can cook together. We’ll have Bill, Frank, Tess, and Bea over every weekend for dinner. I’ll make sweet love to you every fuckin’ night. Doesn’t that sound wonderful baby? We’ll have that one day, I promise you. It’s just not in the cards for us right now, but that’s okay. You wanna know why? Cause no matter what, I got you, and you got me. Kay? No matter what happens.” He whispered against your hair, his eyes closed as he pictured a domestic lifestyle with you by his side. He wanted that so fucking badly with you. He could nearly taste it.

You were left feeling stunned in his arms. Joel’s confession was well thought out, tender, filled to the brim with all the little details. You could tell by his deliverance that this was not something he came up with on a whim. No, your Joel had thought about the possibility of having a normal life with you for a long long time. “No matter what happens, I got you, you got me. Always.” You whispered.

Joel tightened his grip around you slightly. He didn’t care about the throbbing pain from his freshly broken hand, or the impending reality that your lives had drastically changed in a matter of hours. He just wanted to make sure you got a decent night of sleep finally.

So, he sang. Just above a whisper, the same lullaby you had sung to him the night that his nightmares nearly consumed him.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away. Please don’t take my sunshine away…”

You were fast asleep by the time he whispered out the last word. He held you all night long, listening intently for any sounds that could be of a threat. Even when it was Tess’s turn to take watch, he didn’t wake her either. His gun was nearby, ready to grab if needed. His eyes stayed trained on the sleeping teenager just a few feet away. Ellie, who he viewed as just being cargo to transport.

By morning's impending approach, the storm had since passed on. The sky was painted in an array of pink, red, and orange hues. Although a sight to behold, a red sky at dawn was never a good sign. The old saying goes, red sky at night, sailors delight. Red sky at morning, sailors warning.

The four of you had no inclination to predict that this was Tess’s last day walking in the living realm. Predicting the weather was something just about anyone could do. Predicting the moment someone would take their last dying breath? That was a feat impossible.

Ellie had slowly awoken to the sun's warm rays peeking through the cracks in the abandoned building. A golden butterfly fluttered above her sleeping form as her eyes slowly opened. She was still in a sleepy state as she slowly sat up, taking in her surroundings before she heard a loud creaking sound behind her.

She was greeted by a stern look from both Joel, and Tess. He was holding his assault rifle between his hands. The barrel of the gun pointed at the ground. The look he was giving the teenager was menacing enough as it was. The only kind face Ellie could find in the small space was yours.

“Morning…” she spoke, hesitation laced in her tone.

Just as she began to slowly rise from the mossy floor, Joel had lifted the gun in her direction, causing the teenager's eyes to go wide and you kicked his chair with your boot from where you stood behind him. “Joel..” you warned. He could feel your eyes glaring into the back of his skull, disapprovingly.

“If you say that she’s just a kid one more fuckin’ time.” He snapped back, keeping his gun trained on Ellie.

“Do I look like I’m infected? Seriously, can you not point that thing at me man? What, are you actually gonna shoot me?”

“Just might. Now, show us your arm. Slow. If you make any—”

“Sudden movements you’ll shoot. Yeah, I think I fucking got that part.” Ellie quipped back. She slowly lifted the sleeve of her hoodie revealing her 3 week old bite mark in the sunlight. From where the 3 of you were, it was pretty obvious this was not a fresh bite in the slightest.

“Yeah, it’s not getting any worse, is it? I’m not infected. This thing is 3 weeks old and I haven’t turned into one of those..things.”

Joel slowly lowered his gun before he slowly looked over at Tess before he let his gaze slightly drift up to you. “What the hell was Marlene doin’ with an infected kid in the first place?”

“I’m not infected. She found me after I was bitten and before you ask, no. She didn’t shoot me. She locked me up in that shit hole and had her guys test me every fucking day. They chained me to a pipe and made me recite my name and other shit back to them to see if my personality had changed. It clearly didn’t.”

“Did your shit attitude come before, or after you were bitten?” Joel asked.

You kicked the foot of his chair again, this time a little harder.

You could tell the teenager fought hard to not roll her eyes at him. “Y’know the thing I think really impressed them was the fact that I didn’t turn into a fucking monster.”

When the three of you didn’t respond, Ellie slowly rose to her feet and Joel’s gun followed. “Really man? I thought we were done with that shit. Can I just go pee now? I’ve been holding it for a while.”

Tess had grabbed an old magazine on the floor and tossed it over to the teenager. “Go ahead. You can find a nice spot back there.”

Ellie caught the magazine before she started to walk towards the back room to do her business. “There’s not gonna be anything bad in here?”

“Just you.”

Once Ellie was out of sight, you nearly wanted to rip Joel’s gun from his hands but refrained as you crossed your arms over your chest with a sigh. “She made it through the fuckin’ night, Joel. I think you can cut it out with pointing the gun at her. She’s clearly not a threat to any of us.”

“It doesn’t fuckin’ matter. It’s gonna happen sooner or later. Maybe her body just has a late response to the cordyceps. She can’t be trusted. I told you this was a bad fuckin’ idea to begin with and now that we know she’s infected, you still think we’re gonna follow through with this?”

“You saw her arm, Joel. If she was infected it would have looked completely different. We’ve seen what infected bite marks look like and she is not one of them.”

“Yeah well I ain’t about to go and take that chance. We’re close enough to the wall. We can sneak her back into the QZ and we’ll just find a different way to get the battery. I ain’t hauling an infected kid around with us.”

“We take her back to the QZ and they’re gonna kill her. FEDRA see’s that bite mark and she’s through. You really wanna have a kid's blood on your hands like that?”

“Do you hear yourself right now Gwen? You’re actin’ like this kid has some fuckin’ life ahead of her or somethin’. We take her back to the QZ and get the battery a different way.”

“What happened to fiercely believing in the fact that Marlene is gonna have a whole truck and weapons waiting for us if we bring her to the state house? You’re just gonna go and abandon that?”

“You should be jumping for joy over the fact that we’re finally fuckin’ agreeing on somethin’ for once. An infected kid is not worth the possibility of that truck, or the weapons we were promised.”

“I’m with Gwen on this one.” Tess finally spoke as Joel whipped his around suddenly to look at her, narrowing his eyes.

“You’re what?”

“You heard me Texas. I don’t think I need to repeat it.” She spoke without looking at him just as Ellie had returned. “You hungry kid? You can share some of ours.”

“Thanks. Marlene sent me with my own.” Ellie spoke as she sank down into the moss, pulling out what appeared to be a chicken sandwich from her backpack.

“Is that chicken?” You asked, feeling your mouth water at the sight of something besides the dried, tasteless jerky the three of you were eating.

“Yep. Marlene said they get it from smugglers..guess not you guys.” She smirked a little as she took a bite of her sandwich.

Tess was already up and out of her chair and Joel had tried to stop her but she pushed him away. “Why are you so important to Marlene? Hm? Don’t even think about lyin’ to me kid. If you do, we’ll take you back to the QZ.”

“Well..you take me back and you don’t get your battery.” Ellie responded.

“Ohh. So you got a good set of ears on you huh? Well, then I’m sure you heard that he wants to shoot you then right?”

Ellie no longer possessed a smirk on her face as she slowly looked up at Joel’s displeased face. “So then why hasn’t he shot me already? If what you’re saying is true.”

“Trying to change the subject isn’t gonna do you any good either. So I’m gonna talk to you like an adult, alright? Joel and I aren’t good people. We’re doin’ this for us because apparently you’re worth somethin’ to Marlene, whatever that may be. So if I were you, I’d drop the smart ass attitude because his patience? It’s wearing mighty thin. I suggest you answer my question. Why are you so important to Marlene?”

“What about her? Is she not a good person either?” Ellie spoke, gesturing her head towards you.

“Gwen? Let’s just say..she’s better than the two of us but not by much. Sweet face, sure. Knows how to wield a knife like it’s the fuckin’ back of her hand.”

“That’s badass.”

“Answer her question, Ellie. It’s alright.” You spoke softly, earning a disapproving look from your lover.

“Okay..well, Marlene told me not to tell anyone and here I am telling the three of you..” she sighed, rubbing her hand over her face. “There’s a Firefly base camp somewhere out west with doctors. They’re working on a cure.”

“Oh of course they are. Yeah, sure I’ll believe it. This ain’t the fuckin’ first time we’ve heard about a possible cure. It’s all horse shit.” Joel muttered under his breath.

“So whatever happened to me is—”

“The key to finding the vaccine. That’s what they all fuckin’ say and guess what? They’ve tried to find a cure numerous times and ain’t nothin’ worked. It’s the same goddamn thing every single—”

Ellie rose to her feet in a fury, staring at Joel head on. “Fuck you, man. I didn’t ask for this.”

“You and me fuckin’ both. We’re wastin’ daylight the more time we spend talkin’ on this nonsense. I’m done. Pack your shit up and let’s go. We’re takin’ you back to the QZ.”

Tess let out a sigh, running her fingers through her hair. “Let’s just finish this Joel. We get what we want regardless. We take her back, and we risk all 4 of us getting shot. I don’t know about you, but I still have some life worth livin.’”

Joel clenched his jaw tightly, breathing in deeply through his nose. This was not a good idea. However, we was now outnumbered by two. “If she so much as fuckin’ twitches—”

He was cut off by the obnoxious sounds of Ellie portraying a clicker. Making the snarling clicking sounds as she contorted her limbs at an uncomfortable angle.

“Ellie don’t.” You warned her.

She rubbed the back of her neck, clearing her throat as she nodded, “okay..”

The 4 of you gathered up your things to head out and just as Joel was lifting his rifle from the ground, slinging the strap over his shoulder, Ellie asked if she too could have a gun.

“Can I have a gun?”

“Absolutely fuckin’ not. Not a chance in hell.” Was Joel’s immediate response.

“Okay, Jesus fuck. Fine. I’ll just throw a fuckin’ sandwich at them or something.” She muttered under her breath as she threw her backpack strap over her shoulder.

As the 4 of you stepped out into the warm sunlight, you watched as Ellie looked around the ruined city in amazement. Buildings half fallen over, taken hostage by thick vines and moss. There were giant craters, the size of small moons, where the government had sent bombs to slow down the rate of the infected.

Joel had come to a halt in front of the impassable wreckage blocking a quick path to the State House. “Long way or short way?”

“It’s the long way or the ‘we’re fuckin’ dead way.’” Tess added.

“Long way it is then. We’ll have to go check from the hotel first. See if the coast is clear. C’mon.” You were leading the way now, while Ellie walked alongside you, Tess in the middle, and Joel in the back.

You and Ellie engaged in small talk. You genuinely wanted the kid to feel somewhat comfortable with this entire situation and Ellie seemingly appreciated your efforts. She told you how she had gotten bit and you had to admit, this kid was pretty ballsy for her age. “Well, I mean, you got some balls on you, sister, that’s for fucking sure.”

“Thanks.” She had a grin creeping up on her face.

“Soo..no one is gonna come looking for you right? Mom, dad?..boyfriend?..”

“Uhhh well, I’m an orphan and nope.”

You could feel Joel’s eyes on the back of your skull as he walked behind you, shaking his head at your efforts to befriend this cargo.

“See, everyone told me the big open city was gonna be crazy! Infected runnin’ around everywhere. Are we even gonna see any? Cause I’ve heard there’s like super-infected that explode fungus spores on you! Is that not true?”

“Shit, I hope not. Those sound fuckin’ terrifying.” You said with a small grin.

“Okay, what about the ones that have their heads split open and can see in the dark like bats?”

“You mean clickers? Yeah, there’s lots of those. They’re the most common type that we’ve come across. Not the hardest to kill, but they use echolocation—” you were cut off by the sound of a loud, distant animalistic yell coming from deep within the fallen city.

On instinct, Joel was close to your side, looking around as you waited for another yell to follow. The only sound you could hear was a crow perched on a tree nearby.

“Let’s keep movin’” Joel spoke as he gave you a gentle nudge forward.

As you approached the hotel, Ellie had her own set of questions for you as she kicked at the stray rubble beneath her red, worn sneakers.

“So is he like..your boyfriend or somethin’?”

“My boyfriend? Well, no. Not exactly. I wouldn’t call him that if I’m being honest.”

“But you’re like together, right? I think that part is pretty obvious.”

“Yeah, we are. Just don’t think he’d particularly enjoy me calling him my boyfriend. It’s not really his taste.”

“Well, no offense to you, he doesn’t seem like the boyfriend type anyway.”

This elicited a light laugh to slip past your lips as you covered it by coughing into the sleeve of your jacket. “Oh, you’re right on the money with that one, kid. He is far from the boyfriend type.”

“But he’s like your partner then?..Your person?”

“Yeah, something along those lines. I wouldn’t go as far to put us into a box, y’know?”

“I understand..what about Tess? Does she have anyone?”

“Back in the QZ she does. She has a girlfriend named Beatrix.”

“Wicked.”

“You two done chit chattin’ up there?” Joel spoke, distaste evident in his tone.

“Yeah, we’re just makin’ the time pass is all.”

“Oh yeah? Well ain’t that fuckin’ nice for you two.” He scoffed as he walked ahead of you, stopping at the foot of the stairs looking into the overflowing of water into the once hotel lobby.

“Is he always this grumpy?” Ellie leaned over and whispered to you.

“Oh, this isn’t even the worst that you’ve seen of it, kid. Trust me.”

The 4 of you started to trudge through the green, murky water to get to the other side of the lobby. Ellie being the kid that she was, wandered off to the side when she saw what used to be the front desk and pressed on the bell a few times as she leaned over the counter. “Ding! Ding! Yes, sir. I would like your finest suite, please.” “Yes, ma’am. Would you like me to take your luggage?”

“You’re a weird kid.” Joel watched her with a quizzical expression etched on his weathered features.

“You’re a weird kid.” Ellie sarcastically responded back, nearly sticking her tongue out at him as she pushed the luggage trolley forward.

A very deceased human Skeleton slipped out from behind the trolley and scared the living daylights out of the teen. Much to yours, and Ellie’s surprise, Joel was at her side immediately, gun raised in the direction of the apparent threat.

She’s just cargo, my ass. Was the first thought that came to your mind.

Joel had offered Ellie his hand as he helped her up but as soon as their hands touched, he was ripping his away from her grasp, staring down at it momentarily with a hard expression on his face. Perhaps it was from the fact that his hand was still freshly broken. Or there was a possibility he was shocked that he even allowed himself to touch someone who was ‘infected.’

After climbing 10 flights of stairs, you were met with another obstacle that was definitely not present the last time you had come through this way. “What the fuck man. This definitely wasn’t here last time, was it?” You asked, bent over slightly as you were catching your breath.

“No, it sure as hell wasn’t. Maybe we can try one of the doors?” Tess walked past you, trying the two doors with no luck.

“Damn. Well, maybe we can go climb through it and work our way around?”

“It’s worth a shot.”

Joel had pushed Ellie to the side then, before giving you a boost up over the rubble before you helped Tess over the side, grasping her forearms as you pulled her up.

“Just be careful, alright?” He spoke as he slowly sat down on an abandoned suitcase across from Ellie.

“Yeah yeah. We’ll be fine, cowboy. Just keep an eye on the kid.” You peeked your head out from a gap in the rubble and gave him a reassuring nod, and a subtle wink.

Ellie sat across from him, flipping her switchblade and catching it by the handle each time.

“That’s a nice knife you got there. Where’d you learn to do that?” Joel asked.

“The circus.” Ellie deadpanned.

Joel let out a deep sigh, looking off to the side as he tried to figure out why he even bothered to make small talk with a teenager.

“Where are you from?” Ellie asked.

“Texas.” He gruffly responded.

“What about Tess and Gwen?”

“Detroit. It’s in Michigan and Gwen is from Chicago.”

“I go to school, smart ass. I know where Detroit is. Chicago has that giant fucking bean, right? Always wanted to see it.”

“Yeah, I’m sure she’ll tell you all about it. She’s obsessed with it. No fuckin’ clue why.”

“Uh huh. So you two like a—” Ellie already knew the answer, thanks to you. She was just slightly curious to see what Joel would respond with.

“Pass.”

“Oh well cause she told me you guys were—”

“Pass.”

“How’d you end up in Boston?”

“Pass.”

“So what am I supposed to do? Talk to a fuckin’ brick wall? Fuck. She was right, you are grumpy all the time.”

“She what? God dammit Gwen.” He growled lowly under his breath. “No more questions about me, alright? That’s enough.”

“Alright, grumpy. How long do infected live?”

Joel whipped his head back around towards her, narrowing his eyes before he chuckled, “Oh, I thought you went to school.”

“Yeah, well..it’s a really shitty one.”

“Some of ‘em last about a month or two. There’s others that have been walkin’ around ‘bout 20 years.”

“Yeah? You ever kill one?”

Joel nearly scoffed at this question, almost offended that this kid even assumed that he hadn’t killed any.

“Yeah, I have killed lots of ‘em.”

“Was it hard killing them?..like, knowing they were people once? Has it ever bothered you?..”

Joel was slightly taken aback by her question. He often did forget that the infected used to be everyday people he would see on the street. Sometimes he would be forced to face humanity, and realize that he was in a sense, killing people. He wasn’t a total monster like many would have assumed him to be. He just wasn’t the most open with sharing personal details about himself.

“Sometimes. It’s easy to forget that they were once people when they’re comin’ at you with one goal in mind; to turn you into one of ‘em. So you gotta decide if it’s gonna be you, or them. You think I survived this long without havin’ to kill?” He sighed as he leaned back against the wall. “I ain’t exactly proud of it, but it’s what you gotta do to survive. It's always either gonna be you, or them.”

“What about that guy last night?”

Just as Joel was going to respond, he could hear rustling just outside the door and he was up in a flash with his gun aimed at the door.

“You can put the gun down, cowboy. It’s just us. Relax.” You spoke through the door as you pushed it open, revealing you and Tess on the other side. From the looks on your faces alone, Joel could tell that something was definitely wrong.

“What now? Did you guys see something?”

“Yeah, and you’re not gonna like it. Not one bit I’m afraid.” You confirmed.

“Fuckin’ fantastic.” He grumbled as he gently nudged past you and Tess followed by Ellie.

Shortly after, the 4 of you were standing over the ledge of the hotel, looking down at a shrieking hoard of infected, writhing on the ground below. You were standing alongside Joel, noticing that he was nervously fidgeting with his fingers and picking at the skin around his cuticles. You gently grabbed his hand, interlocking your fingers together as you gave his hand a light, reassuring squeeze.

“The last time we were here, there weren’t nearly this many of them. Most of them were still deep inside the buildings. Guess enough people came wanderin’ through looking for the QZ. They found themselves seeking shelter..went inside the buildings and that’s how they get more of the fuckin’ city bit by bit, year after year.” Tess stated, glancing over at you and Joel momentarily before looking at Ellie.

“What’re we gonna do?” You spoke quietly to him, gently stroking your thumb across the outside of his hand, leaning in close to his tall frame.

“We’re gonna have to go through the museum. We ain’t have another choice darlin.’”

“That was nearly a suicide mission the last time we went through..remember?”

“Yeah, but there’s a chance whatever is left of ‘em is dead by now. If it gets dicey, we split and figure out another way, alright? Right now, this is our only option and I ain’t lookin’ forward to it either.” he pressed a quick kiss to your forehead, just a smidge of affection that it seemed like you both needed.

“They’re connected in more ways than you know. The fungus also grows underground. Long fibers, like wires. They’re all entwined under the surface and if you step on a patch of cordyceps in one place, you can awake a dozen infected somewhere else. They know where you are and it’s only a matter of minutes before they find you. You’re not immune from being ripped apart, kid.” Tess explained.

Ellie was fully listening, soaking up all the information that Tess was providing her. The situation at hand was becoming all too real for her 14 year old self.

“We have to go through the museum. It’s the short-way and not the most ideal, nor the safest, but we ain’t have much of a choice.” Joel spoke up, letting go of your hand as he stepped forward.

“I had a really bad feelin’ you were gonna come to that conclusion Texas.” Tess spoke with a sigh.

Ellie’s eyes nearly bugged out of her skull when she saw the amount of fungus tendrils stretched across the expanse of the outside structure of the museum. The colors were faded, not nearly as vibrant as freshly infected. Despite their obvious expiration, the building still looked ominous and uninviting.

“You’re fuckin’ kidding me. We seriously have to go through there? You sure there’s not another way man? This is screaming ‘DANGER’ like c’mon, aren’t the lights flashing in your brain right now too? Cause mine are like fuckin’ sirens.”

Joel ignored the teen as he bent down, inspecting one of the thick strands of fungus. He used the butt of his gun to stab at it to check and see if it was in fact dead. “It’s bone dry. Good chance that they’re all finally fuckin’ dead in there.” He was already pulling his flashlight out from his bag while you and Tess were pulling out your guns.

“I have a spare hand y’know.” Ellie stated the obvious.

“Congratulations.” Joel responded.

He was the first to enter the museum, rifle at the ready. When he deemed it was safe enough to enter, he turned his head towards the opening of the door and gave you a quick nod to follow.

Once the 4 of you were inside the museum, Ellie’s pupils had blown out when she saw just how much fungus coated the walls, floors, and pretty much any inanimate object. It was everywhere.

Joel was still extremely cautious where he stepped, shining his flashlight along the fungus infested floor. It appeared that the once living infected, were all deceased by now. That was until Ellie stumbled upon a fresh kill and let out a surprised, “oh shit!”

Joel was immediately stepping around her, gun raised and his face immediately fell as he looked over at you and Tess. So, maybe they weren’t all dead after all. Or maybe this guy was attacked outside the museum and just found himself to be in an unlucky situation.

The three of you began to talk in a hushed whisper over the situation. Ellie could barely decipher what was being said from how low your voices were but she caught onto the bit of the conversation regarding ‘not hearing them’ what the hell were they going on about? What were they listening for? As far as she was concerned, the museum was deathly silent.

“I don’t hear anything. Who, or what would you hear?” Ellie had suddenly asked. Joel’s response was to raise his hand off his gun, giving her a warning look to shut the fuck up with his eyes alone.

“Did an infected person do that? Cause I was attacked by one and it sure as hell didn’t do that. Dude is all torn up. I’ve never seen anything like it.” She whispered.

“Okay, from this point forward, we are silent. Not quiet. Silent.” He emphasized heavy on the silent part as he looked sternly at Ellie. He held no concern over you and Tess being silent but this kid was already becoming a nuisance in his eyes. “You got that? Not one single fuckin’ sound. This isn’t funny business, kid. This is the real fuckin’ world.” He harshly whispered.

“What—”

“No. No questions. Just do what I say, alright? You wanna live to see another day, don’t you? Exactly. That’s what I thought.” He whispered as he lowered his gun and took a few silent steps to the side, locking eyes with you for a moment. Your Joel never usually showed fear. He was able to encase it well behind his hardened features. A furrow of his brow, the quirk of his upper lip, all used as decoys. Even in the low lighting, you could see his face etched with fear. Just as fast as it appeared, it was gone again, hidden behind the vast ridges of his weathered skin.

Joel had taken the lead while you silently stepped behind him, keeping your finger hovering over the trigger of your gun, ready to react if need be. You glanced back at Ellie and gave her a reassuring nod to follow you while Tess walked behind her. Despite how quiet you all were being, the old floor boards were creaking with every step your boots took.

The stairway was absolutely covered with now bone dry fungus. You couldn’t even see where the next step started from how dense the fungus was. It creeped up the walls, over paintings and the railings of the staircase. You watched Joel’s footing as he carefully stepped over a mound of once living infected. You couldn’t even make out their faces as the fungus had completely morphed them to be unidentifiable.

The sickening crunch of a once human hand beneath Ellie’s shoe had Joel whipping around, shining his flashlight that was attached to the rifle at the teenager. He gave her one long look before he turned away from her and continued to head up the stairs.

A few more steps up and Joel was at the opening of the doorway, slowly pushing it open as you waited for his silent cue. Just as he had given it to you with a slight nod of his head, some of the building's structure began to collapse and crumble as you, Tess, and Ellie stumbled inside before the debris could crush the three of you.

Joel was reaching down grasping the kids arm as he quickly helped her up from the dusty floor while you helped Tess up.

Then there was a loud screech, one that you had heard far too many times. It still sent deep chills down your spine.

click click click click

Ellie was slowly backing towards a wall, her eyes wide with fear as she tried to steady her nervous breaths.

Out from the shadows, illuminated by the steady, bright beam of Joel’s flashlight was a clicker. Its head was completely split open by the cordyceps. The brain cavern was taken over by the fungus. Thick, putrid and brightly colored. Clickers could not see, as they were blinded by the fungus, but they could hear, and they could hear very well.

Its body contorted at an uncomfortable angle as it clicked and snarled.

Another screech was heard;two clickers.

Joel was already quickly nudging you against the glass case. His face constricted painfully in your view. This was not an ideal situation to be in. Not one fucking bit.

Ellie was in his direct eyesight and he quickly mouthed to her, “they can’t see, but they can hear.”

The clicker let out a loud, bone chilling growl from the other side of the glass case. You found yourself squeezing your eyes shut momentarily, holding your gun firmly against your chest.

Don’t make a sound. Don’t move. Don’t make a sound. Don’t move.

Joel had slowly brought his pointer finger to his lips, keeping his eyes locked on Ellie to keep her calm.

You could feel the teenager's anxiety, and fear rising with every second and you silently pleaded with her to stay strong.

Joel had turned his head slightly as the clicker stumbled around the side of the glass display case. It was so close you could nearly feel its putrid breath on your skin.

Ellie had let a sharp breath slip past her lips and it was loud enough for the clicker to hear her.

It all happened in a flash as the clicker turned around and screeched loudly before it lunged. Joel had gotten a few shots into its body from where he stood, but it wasn’t nearly enough to inflict any serious damage. “RUN!” he yelled as the other clicker appeared from the shadows. You shot at it once before grabbing Ellie’s arm firmly in your grasp.

Tess had taken a couple more shots before she followed behind you. The three of you ran around the corner, hearts racing and blood fiercely pumping. The clicker was hot on your tail and gaining on you quickly. In one quick movement, you shoved Ellie to the ground, ordering her to crawl to safety.

You and Tess turned to shoot again, but neither of you had time to aim and wasting bullets was the last thing you wanted to do.

You both could hear a loud crash from the other side of the room and Joel’s heavy boots before everything went silent again.

click click click click

Joel had taken cover behind another glass cabinet as he quickly unloaded and reloaded his small pistol. His senses were on overdrive when he heard the low clicks approaching. His eyes squeezed shut momentarily, thinking that his cover was blown.

The clicker had let out a low snarl before it stalked in the other direction and he could barely make out Ellie’s crouched form behind the tarnished glass.

His footsteps were quiet, calculated and precise as he moved from his hiding spot and crouched beside Ellie. He had no other choice but to get her out of this situation. It was almost as if in those crucial moments, his protective nature had completely taken over. He was going to get this kid out of here, unscathed if it was the last thing he ever did.

Him and Ellie silently communicated with their eyes alone. One tilt of his head and she was quietly moving along the side of the glass case, following his lead. Just when he thought they were in the clear, something had crunched beneath his boot. It was stray shards of glass. His blood ran cold at the crunching sound. Neither him, nor Ellie had time to react as the clicker lunged over the glass case and threw itself on them.

You could hear Joel’s grunts and Ellie’s terrified screams from where you stood behind a nearby wall. You were going to have to act fast if you were to save them both.

bang bang bang

Joel had pumped the clicker with lead, causing it to stumble backwards, allowing him and Ellie to scramble to their feet.

You peeked around the corner, taking aim at the clicker's head before you pulled the trigger and sent it stumbling to the ground. Even after its body hit the floor with a sickening thud, Joel pulled his own trigger a few more times till it was no longer moving.

The second clicker came charging out of the blue, but didn’t make it far as Tess had thrown an ax at its neck, and you finished it off with a bullet to the head.

Once the apparent threat was deceased, everyone let out a shaky breath. From where you were standing, you could tell Tess was injured from the way she was avoiding putting too much weight on one foot. “You alright?”

“Just a twisted ankle, I’ll live. Don’t worry.” She responded.

“Fuck me.” Ellie exclaimed as she lifted up the sleeve of her hoodie and revealed a fresh bleeding bite mark along her forearm. “I mean, if it was gonna happen to one of us..”

You were at her side then and gently tugged her sleeve down. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Tess’s final and only request

You sat alongside on the roof, pulling out a roll of duct tape from your bag as she pulled off her boot. You wasted no time to start to wrap her foot with the tape. “Just a sprained ankle you said? Nothin’ else?” You asked, looking up at the older woman momentarily.

“Yeah, just a sprained ankle Gwen. I’ll be fine.” Tess looked at you as if she was studying your features. As if she was storing your image deep inside her brain so that she wouldn’t forget you, or your face.

Joel had given the kid a piece of cloth to wrap her arm before he was crouching down on the other side of Tess. “You can walk, right? Ain’t need any help?”

She looked at him the same way she had just looked at you. She wanted to keep your memories up to the very last second. “I’m fine, Texas. Really. Go on and make sure she doesn’t accidentally kill herself or somethin.’”

He gave her a small nod before he stood back up. “Yeah, I know. It looks scary and all but it really ain’t that bad.”

Ellie turned around briefly to look at him before she responded, “no. That was scary. This is wood.” Before she stepped across the thin planks to the otherside.

You gave Tess’s arm a light squeeze before you followed after the kid, glancing back at them momentarily before you crossed over the narrow planks of wood.

“What if the first bite didn’t take? What if the second one does? We’re in way over our fuckin’ heads with this Tess. We all could have fuckin’ died back there and—” Joel was cut off by Tess snapping back at him.

“How ‘bout you just take the good news? Can you please just do that for once? None of us are dead. We’re gonna finish what we started Joel.”

He looked at her briefly, trying to decipher what had ticked her off so easily before he let out a sigh and grabbed his rifle from where it laid on the discolored roof tiles and slung it back over his shoulder.

I failed them. I failed them both. I failed Bea. Tess silently thought to herself as she pulled her knees up to her chest, taking in a few shaky breaths.

Joel crossed over the planks and stood alongside Ellie.

“Is it everything you hoped for?” He asked.

“Jury’s still out.”

“But, man, you can’t deny that view.” Ellie concluded.

You were reloading your gun off to the side, glancing over your shoulder to see Tess approaching. Her demeanor alone was a sure signal that something was off. You just couldn’t figure out what exactly had happened back there. It was going to drive you up a wall, not knowing. You were sure of it.

“C’mon, let’s get there before it’s dark. We’re wasting daylight. Let’s go.” Tess gritted out between her teeth as she was already climbing down the old steel ladder. Her erratic movements threw you off guard completely.

You stopped alongside Joel, brushing your hand across the outside of his bicep before you followed Tess and Ellie down the ladder.

Joel waited a few moments in silence as he glanced down at his broken watch strapped around his wrist before he grabbed the side of the ladder and climbed down.

They’re gonna hate me.

They’ll see right through me.

What will Bea think?

Will she think me to be dead?

I let her down too.

She’ll never know what has become of me.

I won’t turn into a monster.

I won’t become one of them.

Tess was leading the way to the state house. Her footsteps were uncharacteristically fast. She seemed on edge, nervous, sporadic.

The 4 of you were crouched behind a long abandoned car outside of the state house. There was a large military grade truck parked outside. However, there were no signs of weapons, or the fireflies.

“Where the fuck are they? Marlene said they would be here. She fuckin’ promised us.” Tess whispered.

“Everyone just stay here. Alright? Somethin’ ain’t right here.” Joel whispered back before he crept from behind the car to investigate. Once he approached the truck, the 3 of you took a bated breath as he opened the door, aiming the barrel of his gun at the inside of the truck. He was met with blood stained seats but no fireflies.

The side of the open truck door was spattered with blood dripping down the dull metal.

Something definitely was not right here.

Joel had glanced back at you and Tess, shaking his head slightly to signal that it wasn’t safe just yet as he crept around the back of the truck slowly. He took a deep, visible breath as he opened up the two heavy steel doors and was met with no signs of any passengers inhabiting the vehicle.

“What the fuck is goin’ on Joel?” Tess asked as she walked towards him, brushing off your hand along your arm.

“The fuck did I just say about stayin’ back? It ain’t safe! Why didn’t you wait for my–”

“They went inside.” Ellie confirmed from where she was standing. There was a trail of blood leading up the gravel steps to the state house. This definitely was not a good sign at all.

Tess was already heading up the steps in a fury. From where you stood, you could see her hands trembling. “Come on!”

“Tess just wait a fuckin’ minute! By the looks of it, the fireflies are dead and we ain’t gettin’ our battery!” Joel yelled at her to stop.

“Come on!” She was insistent with her tone.

You, Joel, and Ellie had no choice but to follow Tess into the state house. Once inside, you were all met with the bodies of the deceased fireflies, all in a circle in the room. Their crimson blood spilled out along the tiles, staining them in a dark red.

“I mean, there’s gotta be a fuckin’ radio or somethin’ right? Help me look for one!” Tess spoke in a rushed tone as she frantically started looking through the deceased fireflies supplies, knocking over items onto the tile below, creating all sorts of noise.

“Tess? What the fuck is going on with you?” There was an edge to your tone as you came up alongside the older woman. “Maybe Joel was right..maybe we should go back to the QZ and regroup.”

“Fuck that. We’ve made it this far, and now you want to turn back? No. Help me find a radio, Gwen! There’s gotta be one around here. There has to be!”

Joel had noticed that one of the deceased fireflies had clearly been bit as he used his boot to tilt its head to the side.

“Tess, what the fuck are you doin’?” He asked while he watched her rummage around in a fury.

“Where did Marlene say she was taking you? Ellie! Where did she fuckin’ say she was taking you?” Tess ignored Joel as she walked over to the teen and you instinctively stepped in front of Ellie.

“Uhh..I don’t know. All she told me is that she was taking me west but she didn't say where exactly.”

“Just west? Fuck. Okay. She didn’t tell you anythin’ else?” Tess wasn’t even looking at you. Her eyes were frantically searching the expanse of the room. “Well, I mean, one of them’s gotta have a map on them, right? Joel? Gwen? Can you fuckin’ help me?! Stop just standin’ around!” She snapped as she started searching for anything she could find on the deceased bodies.

“No! Tess..it’s over. We are goin’ home, alright? We are way over our heads, bit off more than we can chew. We’ll go back to the QZ and–”

“That’s not my fucking home!” Tess snapped. “I’m stayin.”

“What the hell do you mean you’re stayin’? What the hell has gotten into you?! You’re actin’ fuckin’ weird! Why won’t you even look at us?!” Joel spoke exasperatedly.

Your blood suddenly ran cold. You figured out why Tess’s behavior was so sporadic and uncharacteristic for her just as Ellie had figured it out too.

“Fuck. She’s infected.” Ellie spoke softly, the realization washing over her.

Joel looked at Tess then and felt his world suddenly begin to cave in, all at once. Just before he could open his mouth to speak, you were stepping in front of him, feeling your heart pounding out of your chest.

“No. Tell me it's not true, Tess. Fucking tell me its not true!” You pleaded with her, as Joel was already protectively pulling you back behind him.

“Show me. Show me your fuckin’ arm Tess.” He demanded and when she took a step towards him, he immediately took one back. He did his best to ignore the pained look that struck across Tess’s features.

Tess let out a sigh as she drew her hand up to the collar of her jacket and pulled the fabric back to reveal the fresh bite mark along the base of her neck, along her collar bone. You could see the veins of the fungus growing up her neck already. There was only a matter of time before she would be completely gone.

“Oops, right?” She said with a pained laugh, tears threatening to spill over.

You pushed Joel out of the way once more, you weren’t afraid of Tess. She wasn’t a monster. She was still human. She was still breathing, pumping blood through her veins. “You can’t fuckin’ die. You can’t! Tess…what about Bea? You–” Your own tears had threatened to spill over as you shakily grasped the collar of Tess’s jacket between your fingers. “This wasn’t supposed to happen to you!”

You could feel Joel grabbing your forearm, trying to yank you back. “Let me the fuck go!” You snapped, ripping your arm from his firm grasp.

Tess was hugging you, nearly knocking the air from your lungs. You could feel her entire body trembling as she held you. “You fuckin’ listen to me okay? I haven’t got much time. You protect him, okay? Please protect him Gwen. He’s going to need you more than ever now. No matter what happens, no matter what he says, please don’t leave him. Keep him safe. Please.” She whispered, squeezing you tightly.

“Tess, I–”

“Promise me Gwen. Promise me you’ll be there for him”

“I promise.” You whispered.

“Tell Bea that I love her, and I'm sorry.”

Tess released you from her grip and frantically pushed you away as she stumbled back.

She addressed Joel directly now, balling her hands into fists, to ease the trembling. “Ellie. Take your bandage off.” She asked with a shaky breath, walking over to the teen as she grabbed her forearm in a firm grip.

“This is real. Joel, she’s fucking real. Look at her arm!” She let go of Ellie’s arm and brought it down to her side. Her forearm was twitching, trembling as the cordyceps were quickly invading her nervous system.

“You get her to Bill and Franks. You load up on ammo, and you take her out West. You find Tommy and the fireflies.”

“No.”

“There is no time to fuckin’ argue with me! You take her to Bill and Franks. I’ve never asked anything of you Joel. Never asked you to feel a certain way about me.”

He went to open his mouth but she immediately cut him off.

“No. You shut the fuck up and listen to me ‘cause I don’t have time. This is your chance to do some fuckin’ good for once. To make up for all the fucked up shit we did. You keep her alive. You keep her safe. You hear me? You set everything right.”

“Tess, No. I can’t fuckin’ do that.”

“Yes you fuckin’ can Joel. Please say yes, Joel, please fucking say yes.” She pleaded with him, a stray tear rolling down her cheek .

“Oh fuck!” Ellie yelled as one of the presumed deceased bodies snarled, clawing at the ground.

Joel wasted no time to pull his gun out, aiming it at the infected and pulled the trigger, sending a bullet straight to its head as it collapsed down to the mossy floor.

fuck fuck fuck.

The tendrils of the cordycep fungus rose up between the deceased fingers, and it dawned upon you that the infected were more connected than you could possibly understand. The fungus was weaved intricately below the surface, webbed together in a firm structure.

You could hear the approaching snarls from outside the wooden doors.

They were coming.

Tess was already moving around you, using the butt end of Joel’s rifle to open up the large barrels of gasoline, spilling the flammable liquid onto the tile. She was working off pure adrenaline as she knocked over each barrel. She tossed a box filled with grenades onto the floor.

The realization that Joel was losing another person who was so important, so close to his heart, was crashing down on him. He could hear his blood pounding in his ears. His eyes and mind went blank as Tess approached him. “Joel…save who you can save.” She whispered her final plea to him. These were her last words spoken in the walking, living realm.

Joel understood, as he searched her eyes. He seared her memory into the deep cavern of his brain. He would never forget her and he refused to let her down.

In a flash he had grabbed Ellie’s arm in his one hand and yours in the other, immediately yanking both of you away from the immediate danger.

“No! We’re not leaving her! We can’t! Get off me, you fucker!” Ellie yelled as she clawed at him, trying to pull her arm from his grasp.

You stumbled after him, frantically looking over your shoulder at Tess for the very last time. She gave you a small smile, followed by a reassuring nod before her face was obstructed from your view as Joel pulled you and Ellie outside, to safety.

All you hoped for was that Tess went peacefully. That she didn’t die in fear. You hoped that she died with memories of you, Joel, and Bea. Tess deserved that. She deserved to die peacefully, painlessly. You loved her to her very last moments.

Moments after Joel pulled you and Ellie outside, there was a loud explosion of breaking glass, and bright flames. The sound had Joel throwing his body over you and Ellie protectively. You could hear the distant screams of the infected suffering in the hot flames, and billowing smoke. You hoped to god that Tess wasn’t one of those blood curdling screams.

Joel immediately had his gun raised, ready to shoot down any stray infected. There were none. They were all dead. Tess had sacrificed herself for your lives. She gave you a fighting chance and you’d never forget her bravery.

You brought your arm around Ellie’s shaken up frame, giving her a firm squeeze. You kept her close as you turned her body away from the destruction and death.

Joel had already walked away as he could feel tears begin to prick in the corner of his eyes. He quickly blinked them away as he slung his rifle over his shoulder.

The three of you were dead silent as you walked into the nearby woods. Your mind felt numb, and your heart was raw. Tess had so much more life ahead of her to live. She had friends, a lover, and a purpose. She was smart, witty, and brave. She fought for those she loved, till her dying breath.

Joel was crouched down alongside the river, far away from you and Ellie. He was reaching into the clear stream, picking up rocks below the surface and gently stacking them upon one another. He was creating a cairn in her memory. A silent memorial for her short life. He thought of her as he placed each stone on top of one another.

I’m sorry. I should have done more. I should have been quicker. I should have protected you. I let you down. I failed you.

Your approach towards Joel was hesitant. You had no idea how he was going to react to your attempt to comfort him. You knew he didn’t handle loss, of any kind, well. You refused to let him suffer alone. He had his moment where he could mourn in peace. You wouldn’t take that moment from him. He deserved it. You both did. Despite this, your heart pulled you towards him. You had to make sure he was okay. You needed each other more than ever now. Tess’s words echoed in your mind with each step you took. “No matter what happens, no matter what he says, please don’t leave him. Keep him safe. Please.”

Joel could hear your footsteps slowly approach. His back immediately tensed up at the sound of your boots crunching under stray twigs. His heart yearned for your touch, your comfort. His mind was scrambled. It screamed for him to shut you out. This was your fault, after all. You insisted they take the kid from the get-go. In his eyes, and his fragile mind, Tess was dead because of you.

He squeezed his eyes shut when he felt the warm expanse of your palm press between his shoulder blades. His breath trembled as he fought hard to not lean into your touch.

“Don’t fuckin’ touch me.” He hissed lowly, keeping himself facing the stream.

“Joel, Please..Don’t—”

“Don’t what? It’s your fuckin’ fault that Tess is dead.” He harshly whispered, clenching his jaw tightly as he let his toxic thoughts slip through his broken, cracked lips.

His words felt like a thousand knives stabbing you in the heart over, and over again. You took a shaky inhale, remembering Tess’s final request to you.

“You don’t mean that. You don’t mean that Joel. You’re upset..let me–”

He whipped around to face you, his eyes narrowed into slits as he rose to his feet, towering over you. “I fuckin’ mean every goddamn word. You insisted from the get-go that we take this fuckin’ kid. I told you it was a bad idea. See what happens when you try to be the fuckin’ hero, Gwen?”

You took a step back from him, feeling your own tears threatening to spill over. “Stop. Please fucking stop! I am not at fault for Tess’s death! Neither of us could have predicted this to happen Joel!”

“I fuckin’ told you that we should just take her back to the QZ! What do you do instead? You fight against me, tooth and fuckin’ nail! Every goddamn fuckin’ time. Why couldn’t you have just listened to me for once in your goddamn life!” He spat, taking two heavy steps towards you.

“Because Ellie is just a fuckin’ kid! She’s just a kid that is now OUR responsibility! Tess agreed that we shouldn’t take her back to the QZ! She agreed with me, Joel!”

He scoffed, shaking his head as he let out a deep chuckle.

“Do you fuckin’ hear yourself right now?! Fuckin’ take some accountability for your fuckin’ actions! Tess is dead because of you! Bea is never going to see her again, because you wanted to fuckin’ save this kid, this cargo! How does it feel, huh? Are you fuckin’ happy with yourself Gwen? Do you feel fuckin’ good inside right now baby?! TELL ME HOW IT FUCKIN’ FEELS!”

Joel’s booming voice rattled your skull, and pierced your heart. You physically felt yourself cowering away from him, shrinking in on yourself.

Ellie had heard Joel’s yell from where she was sitting against a nearby tree. She was up and running to your aid immediately. You watched as the teen shoved at Joel with her hands, pushing him back with rage filled in her tear brimmed eyes.

“Hey! Leave her alone, you fucker! Leave her alone! It’s not her fucking fault! LEAVE HER ALONE!” Ellie yelled as she shoved his chest as hard as she could.

Joel was grabbing the teens wrists in his calloused palms, immediately shoving her away.

“You fuckin’ stay out of this kid! This ain’t your fuckin’ business!” He felt his pulse drop when he heard the familiar click of your gun perched firmly between your shaking hands. The barrel was shakily aimed at him.

“LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS JOEL. YOU WANNA LET YOUR ANGER OUT ON ME? FINE. LEAVE ELLIE OUT OF THIS!” You yelled, tears streaming down your cheeks.

“You gonna fuckin’ shoot me?”

“If you lay your hands on her again, I won’t hesitate.”

“You’re breakin’ my fuckin’ heart baby.”He seethed between his gritted teeth.

“Gwen..” Ellie pleaded with you.

“It’s okay, kid. I will handle this, okay? Please just...just go sit down. Please.” You whispered, giving the teen a reassuring nod that everything would be okay. Joel would never hurt you. He would never dare.

Ellie looked between you, and the brooding man before she reluctantly nodded, walking away.

Your gun was still aimed at your lover as your tears continued to fall. “How fucking dare you speak to me like this Joel. What the fuck is wrong with you?!? How dare you speak to Ellie like that! She has done NOTHING to you, Joel!”

He took a few menacing steps towards you, feeling the barrel of your gun pressed firmly against the cavern of his chest. Your lower lip was trembling, your eyes glassy with tears as you looked up at him.

“You gonna pull that fuckin’ trigger baby? You gonna pump me full of lead?”

“You know I can’t Joel. You know I fuckin’ can’t.” You whispered shakily.

“Just like you can’t fuckin’ admit that you’re the reason Tess is dead. Can’t own up to your fuckin’ actions to save your life.”

“Please stop Joel. Please. I’m begging you to please fucking stop. You’re hurting me. You’re fucking hurting me!” You yelled. Your tone was raw, heartbroken, beaten.

“Who are you fuckin’ shedding those tears for, huh?! You shedding those tears for Tess? She hated you! You know she fuckin’ hated you with every fibre in her fuckin’ being! You don’t get to cry for her! She meant NOTHING to you. Don’t stand there and act like she did! You don’t get to weep and feel sorry for YOURSELF!”

The barrel of your gun was pushing so deep into his chest now. Surely there would be a bruise of some sort forming but it was clear he didn’t give a fuck about that. Not even in the slightest. He felt his heart screaming at him to stop but it was too late. The words were spoken and they were etched deep into your own heart. Joel had gone and done the unforgivable.

“Fuck You. You don’t get to stand there and tell me how I'm allowed to feel Joel! She was my fucking FRIEND too! We had our differences, and we overcame them! I fucking loved her and YOU don’t get to take that away from me! YOU DON’T HAVE THE POWER TO TELL ME HOW I CAN AND CAN’T FEEL!”

Joel’s breaths were coming out in heavy puffs, fanning your face as you watched his nostrils flare, and his fists clenched tightly at his sides. Deep down, he knew this wasn’t an argument to win. He was just devastated that he lost someone so close to him. He never learned how to handle loss well, his old habits, and toxic feelings welcomed him in with soft whispers, and warm touches.

This was not your Joel.

“Gwen…” He whispered.

“No. Fuck you. You don’t get to say all that, speak to me that way, and take it all back. You don’t get to fuckin’ do that Joel.”

“Baby, I’m sorry I didn’t–”

“NO.”

“Gwen. You know I didn’t mean it..I lashed out, but I didn’t mean any of it! I got you, you got me, Always. Remember? I’m so sorry I–”

As soon as he was reaching out for you, you harshly pushed him away, pressing the barrel of the gun further into his chest.

“You’ll never fucking touch me again Joel. Never.” You whispered.

You removed the barrel of the gun from his chest, pointing it upwards towards the sky, before you pulled the trigger.

The deafening sound of the bullet being released and cracking through the cool air had him flinching.

You wanted him to know that you could have pulled the trigger on him. You loved that man too much to hurt him. You could never.

“Stay the fuck away from me. Don’t you dare come near me.” You seethed, tucking your gun back into the holster around your waist before you turned on your heel, and walked away from him.

Joel was left standing near the rivers edge, watching as you walked far, far away from him.

‘Cause do I love you..Oh, I do..and I'm going to ‘til I'm gone…’

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