#to ''i DO explicitly want to die''

[definitelynotshouting]

HI. HELLO. SORRY. i heard we’re talking about hunger au + the others finding out about fucked up stuff that grian’s doing

i’m obsessed with the potions. in order to die (which he doesn’t even *want*, or at least doesnt think he wants, he just believes it’s the safest option) he has to corrupt his friends’ attempt to help him. healing potions have been like. the only thing he’s conceded on for his own comfort. tango is super excited when he learns about them bc 1. it’s something actionable and immediate thatll directly help, and 2. grian gets noticeably… not hopeful, exactly, but definitely more responsive the few times that they’re talking about the potions. which. i’m sure tango will feel really good about after the fact (assuming the plan happens).

and then mumbo overextended himself making a *gold farm* entirely for potions and pearl “got carried away” collecting netherrack. it’s so clearly a priority for them. how are they going to react when grian hurts himself using them?? when they find out that they don’t do anything notable in the first place *except* give him a way to hurt himself?? after potions almost killed him the FIRST time??????? augh. i think about it so much

(also i heard we could pick emojis so im picking 📞 ty <3)

You're more than welcome to pick an emoji!! :D i honestly love it, i love seeing regulars in my inbox its like having people wave at me from across the street whenever they send in asks hehe :]

Man, the potions..... yeah the potions are crazy dude, i can see why everyone is obsessed with them. I havent exactly made a post on this yet, but healing potions don't actually do anything for a Watcher's structural code (theyre designed for Player surface code specifically, so they arent even fully compatible with Watcher surface code), which makes him conceding on them even more painful, because the others are latching onto this single one opportunity to help and its not even actually helping. Its being used, in fact, to eventually hurt him. Nobody is gonna like that.

Im really glad how everyone's desperate attempts at getting the potion ingredients are being picked up on in fic, especially since those references been sorta randomly sprinkled in throughout the chapters (usually through dialogue). Yeah they are.. thats gonna be Fun when they find out the truth on that one >:] ive had the scene for that in mind for AGES and i cannot WAIT to finally get it out there for everyone to see, because man. Its gonna be visceral, i'll tell you that

Im so so glad you like what im doing here enough to be rotating it in your brain like this!!! :D i shake your hand we sit and spin the potions like rotisserie chicken

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #compliments #u kno what too is that like. thruout the fic grian has had a very slow slide from #''i dont want to die but its the best most safest option'' to ''this is inevitable its going to happen anyway'' #to ''i DO explicitly want to die'' #and its just so objectively fucked up to SEE the evidence of how his internal narrative has begun to gnarl in on itself #theres something so gutting to be said about how mental illness and horrible circumstances can build upon themselves and twist your brain #into knots.... idk i think abt it a lot #and abt how the feedback loop between how he treats himself and how the others treat him just circles and circles #world's worst ouroboros #grian... grian buddy your ISSUES #txt

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"

"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules

i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen

and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway

#dont question me/dont challenge me. questions are the sore spot but the challenge is one she says explicitly once #because you see this in how she is with other people too. dont try her patience. dont act like shes smaller. dont challenge her or Die #based on the giggle - 'i thought i was clever' 'what do i say?! because im always sooo certain' - i dont think 14 is like this #also based on the expressions of affection #hes not that......reactive. to this. specific thing #so i wonder if it runs over to 15 #he seems chill. i think? he seems fairly chill. but also i think we've so far only seen him mostly in control of things #faced with the maestro temporarily not entirely in control hes Notably Less Chill #but still bigger picture. hes mostly in control of things right now i think #or uhhhh based on how eager he seems to get out of the role of doctor #hmmmmm #13 didnt want it but like. was stuck with it i think #didnt want it but nobody else was gonna do it. thats why 12 regenerated #15 comes out 14 Literally Quitting #he doesnt want it and hes decided hes not stuck with it. maybe #none of this is true btw im just saying words recreationally #like those 13 moments are super cherrypicked and i havent rewatched in forever so #dont believe me gfkjghgjh #this is based more on how i write them than what ive seen basically #anyway in terms of 14/yaz i think it takes yaz a while to figure out how to deal with 14 Not being like this #bc she got soooo practiced at handling 13. most of which was abt like not tripping this rule too much #she'd keep it up with 14 and he'd just do stuff that like breaks the rule from his side and yaz wouldnt have any idea how to deal with it #he'd show her hes chilled out a bit. about this. over and over and it'd still take her moooooonthssssssss to start relaxing #just muscle memory at this point. doesnt help that shes also like this #i wonder if 14 - in a sort of compelte reversal - wants to be told what to do and how to do and #seeks out situations where someone else knows more than him so he can sit down and say 'teach me' #i think thats what he does. about all the human stuff. hes like teach me. all of it. show me how to do this

[lgbtlunaverse]

I'm a little bit insane about how in novel canon the whole xiyao ending where Jin Guangyao wants to die with Xichen, who accepts, which then makes jgy change his mind and pushes him away at the last second isn't actually explicit. A lot of adaptations chose to make it so but in the novel this is all VERY up for interpretation.

Here's what actually happens in the text: Lan xichen stabs jgy, jgy moves away from lan xichen, xichen follows him, wwx realizes jgy is about to open the coffin and calls "watch out!" to lan xichen. Jgy unseals nmj, pushes xichen away, nmj kills jgy and they are both dragged into the coffin which is sealed again.

Here's what wei wuxian, our narrator, thinks is happening: Jin Guangyao wanted to lead lan xichen to his death out of revenge for stabbing him. Lan Xichen, unaware, simply followed Jin Guangyao to try and stop him from getting away. Wei wuxian's warning came too late, but Jin Guangyao- for an unknown reason- changed his mind at the last second and pushed lan xichen out of danger before lan xichen had any idea of what was going on.

Here's what most fans as well as the teams behind several adpatations think is happening: Jin Guangyao leads Xichen to nmj's coffin to die with him, Xichen accepts, because of this acceptance, proof xichen still cares for him, Jin Guangyao pushes him out of harm's way. Wei Wuxian just doesn't get that gay people who aren't him or Lan Wangji exist.

Here's what ALSO MIGHT BE HAPPENING: Jin guangyao wants to die in a different way than he is currently dying. Maybe he's afraid of what'll happen to his body after his death like he was scared for his mother's, maybe he wants to confront nmj one last time now that there's nothing more for him to lose, maybe - if he can't take her body with him- he'd at least like his final resting place to be where he buried his mother. Lan Xichen thinks he's trying to get away and follows but Jin Guangyao, who despite everything doesn't want him to die, pushes him away. Xichen doesn't know what happened until it's already happened. What he would've wanted if he had known remains up in the air.

Or, alternatively: Jin Guangyao's reasons are as above, but unbeknowst to Wei Wuxian, Xichen DOES know what jgy is about to do and either misinterprets this as an invitation to all die together, or inidividually decides he, too, is done, and wants to join his sworn brothers in the grave. To Jin Guangyao this has nothing to do with Lan Xichen, and he still doesn't want him to die, so he pushes him away against Lan Xichen's wishes.

Every single one of these interpretations is unhinged and they are all supported by the original text. It's like a choose your own adventure of tragic gay endings.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #meng yao #jin guangyao #lan xichen #nie mingjue #3zun #xiyao #rs: i wish it could've been you #honestly which is worse for xichen. Being denied his wish explicitly or only realizing he wanted it after it'd already been denied for him #OR genuinely not wanting to die but being forced to live with the fact that even after he essentially killed him jgy still saved his life #just another way he's in his debt #like no matter what he's not coming out of here okay #i switch between a bunch of these all the time but actually favor the last 2 because they're very underexplored in my opinion #I like it when 'i never even thought about hurting you' remains true to the bitter end. He never even considered it #also I just... have a lot of feelings about that being his mom's coffin #do you remember that in the novel the coffin was so heavy only sect leaders could bear the weight? #so for the burial a group of sect leaders had to be the pallbearers... the SYMBOLISM GUYS!! THE SYMBOLISM! #jgy dies in infamy but despite everything it's the highest of cultivation society who carry the coffin he's buried in #he's in the same coffin as a great sect leader!! As nmj!! After a whole life fighting an uphill battle finally in death they are equal #it's not justice and it's not fair but it's... something #wwx's interpretation is the one i favour the least. sorry bro you remain an unreliable narrator to me. #it feels rather uncharitable towards jgy which makes sense for wwx's pov but makes it not my favorite #there's an alternative version of that intepretation where jgy THINKS he's doing the coffin trio pact and thinks xichen accepts. #and has the same realization of oh no he still cares I don't want him to die and pushes lxc away #meanwhile lan xichen hasn't actually processed any of this because it all happened in about 0.4 seconds #i like that one slightly more but it's still not my favorite #there's tragedy in the misunderstanding but it's a bit convoluted.

[maingh0st]

The hate Taryn gets is way too exaggerated and disproportionate. It’s just straight up misogyny at this point, in my opinion. The fandom needs to get over it.

I could literally write a treatise about Taryn-hate at this point lmao. I’m going to share some thoughts (this actually got quite long), but I want to include a big ole disclaimer: at the end of the day, everybody gets to engage in fandom in the ways they want. everyone is free to love or hate whichever characters they want, for the reasons that feel valid and real to them. that being said, the treatment of Taryn specifically is really troubling and bizarre to me. 

I think it’s worth pointing out that when we say Taryn-hate seems misogynistic, that means a lot more than just “people who hate Taryn hate her because she’s a girl.” in my opinion, fandom misogyny toward her often gets couched in broader terms. some examples of what I mean by this are:

(1) Taryn does things that are bad and I don’t like that - uhhhh okay. everybody in these books does shitty things, so let’s think about why specifically the actions of Taryn (a 17-18 year old girl being manipulated by multiple men in her life) fall into the category of unredeemable for you. the reason we might point to this being misogynistic is because it’s a double standard that doesn’t apply to other characters—we’re willing to forgive Cardan his cruelty, or centuries-old Madoc for the trauma he's inflicted and his ongoing need for bloodshed, but Taryn is just a stupid, evil girl for trying to secure her place in Elfhame through the levers of power that are available to her. she can never be forgiven nor redeemed no matter how loyal she is to Jude moving forward. why is that? what sin of hers are so particularly evil to warrant this response? and we have to answer these questions in the context of Elfhame & its moral code, not in the context of our own world.

(2) I could never see myself acting in the way Taryn does and therefore I don’t like her - okay? I can never see myself acting like Madoc, or even like Vivi (don’t get me started on Vivi & the fact that she gets passes Taryn never does), but that doesn’t mean I can’t have empathy for them. I understand that we experience the books through Jude’s perspective, so we’re automatically more prone to rooting for her—and to be clear, I love Jude! but fiction challenges us to experience the world through other perspectives, and it’s my opinion that Taryn acts in a way that is completely consistent and understandable with her experience of Elfhame. “I’m not like you,” she tells Jude. “I want to belong here. Defying them makes everything worse. You never asked me before you went against Prince Cardan—you didn’t care what it brought down on either of our heads.” 

while Jude’s defiance is held up as girlboss behavior (by me, too! I love a “get worse” arc), Taryn’s more traditionally feminine approach to finding her place in Elfhame is reviled (@slightlyrebelliouswriter23 has a great post on the fawn response to trauma & on passivity). more on this point below. 

(3) Taryn isn’t a “girl’s girl” - I am begging fandom to think critically about why Taryn betrays Jude & what that says not just about Elfhame, but about our world. these girls live in a world that affords them little power and agency. we meet them on the cusp of adulthood, and they’re both hyper-aware that they need to secure their place in Elfhame. Jude refers to knighthood as “earning” her place and is uninterested in marriage, but Taryn seems aware that she’s more likely to secure her place through the latter option (and also expresses the fear that Jude is going to leave her behind). it’s an oversimplification, but a useful one for the sake of this conversation, to point out that Jude chooses a more traditionally masculine approach, while Taryn chooses a more traditionally feminine one.

the tragedy is that this world—and particularly the men in their lives—pit them against one another. Locke offers Taryn the thing she wants most, requires a vow of her secrecy, and then begins flirting with Jude (and that's not even to mention him being a gancanagh!). at a point in her story where Madoc and Oriana are the only family who are still around for Taryn, Madoc capitalizes on Taryn’s ignorance (and also her awareness that she's never been the favorite daughter) & uses her to betray Jude. I almost never see these complexities brought up in conversations about Taryn, which is just gross to me, and echoes the ways that patriarchal power structures pit women against each other in the real world. 

I’ve seen people argue that while Jude’s approach is also flawed, she at least doesn’t betray Taryn. and like… kind of? she certainly doesn’t betray Taryn as directly as Taryn betrays her—but some of that just strikes me as dumb luck. consider what might’ve happened if Dain hadn’t died at the end of book one. what lengths might he have asked Jude to go to in order to prove her loyalty to him? or if we rewind even further—it’s honestly just dumb luck that someone didn’t harm or kill Taryn (Valerian, for example, could've chosen the wrong window). Jude’s antagonism of Cardan & his friends had a direct effect on Taryn’s life, and even though Taryn begged her to stop, she bullheadedly charged on. the difference is that Jude’s risky decisions ultimately work out for her, while Taryn has to face the consequences of hers not panning out the way she wanted them to. 

this isn't exhaustive, and there’s so much more I could say, but this is already so long. so in conclusion, the reason all this matters to me personally is twofold: 

at its best, fiction teaches us empathy. part of why I love tfota is because it takes characters & dynamics that are really messy & helps you, the reader, understand where everyone is coming from & why. the fact that we love Madoc is a testament to fiction’s ability to do this. so why is a teenage girl treated like the true villain of this story? what about her makes us incapable of empathy? why, in the mind of the fandom, is she not allowed forgiveness (or even just a chance at redemption) for the harm she's caused, while other characters are? I see people stanning Nicasia, who actively tortured Jude (over a boy, no less!!) ffs

fandom misogyny reflects our world. why are people eager to forgive toxic male love interests, yet hold the bar impossibly high for girls? why is there such a narrow set of choices & behaviors that we consider acceptable for female characters? Holly wrote a story about two young women carving out places for themselves in a world hostile to them, hurting each other in the process, and ultimately deciding to forgive, love, and root for one another—and fandom has taken that complex narrative and pitted them against one another, upholding one as the girlboss who can do no wrong while treating the other as scum. misogyny thrives on women treating each other like the problem, so if this is our attitude toward a fictional story where we’re afforded direct looks into characters’ thoughts, how much worse are we going to be in the real world, faced with real, imperfect women?

anyways, in conclusion: you're entitled to dislike taryn, but if you feel such vitriol toward her that you're literally making hate posts (or commenting under fanart of her!! holy shit), I invite you to interrogate where that hate actually comes from. fin.

#if you want to argue with me that’s fine - I just ask that you’re respectful #one critique i do have is that holly didn't allow jude & taryn to have a good convo in qon #taryn didn't have the full picture until pretty late in the narrative #and i think allowing them to hash things out would've really helped with a lot of fandom's shitty behavior towards taryn #because instead what we get is her repeatedly *acting* in ways that support jude #like she's pretty ride or die for all of qon #and i read that pretty redemptively #but it's not explicitly stated/talked through #so #ask tag #anon #will anyone read all of this?? we shall see #long post #tfota #the folk of the air #taryn duarte #tarynposting #jude duarte #taryn discourse #taryn hate #fandom misogyny #tcp #the cruel prince #twk #the wicked king #tqon #the queen of nothing

[winepresswrath]

Armand's simpering little "and I never have" has taken on new dimensions for me. Technicality king and also I think very in keeping with his whole malign fairy creature deal. You can tell him not to hurt the bae, but you should really specify what "hurt" entails. Is chopping someone's hands off really hurting them? If they have annoyed you very much I mean.

-questions Armand might pose to Lestat that inspire him to leave the country

#I do think the root of what makes Lesmad so funny is that it is literally the one of two times Lestat has displayed good sense in love #both times his mother was standing right there telling him what to do so take from that what you will #but lestat does enjoy negative attention and fucking around to find out and needling powerful entities who are enamored with him #it takes so much for him to say yes you're hot. but still no #you are too good at fucking will my head and too willing to take liberties with my body i don't like this #though iirc part of it was having experienced Armand's mind whammy he didn't want to leave him in proximity to Gabrielle #once again mommy issues carry the day #anyway #press says iwtv #I have a post percolating in my heart about the reversal of Gabby telling Lestat she just wants to die knowing he's safe in Paris with his #boyfriend #explicitly severing their codependent you're my other half my twin me but a man thing #and Gabby telling him to leave Nicki with Armand and run #but it's actually half a post that amounts to a) this too is a perversion brought on by living past your own death and #b) actually though it's her being a good mom in both instances #like probably the two times she most clearly manages that are #leave this place and me and live your own best life without guilt or shame #and leave your boyfriend who has had a psychotic break and hates you now. do not involve yourself with the sewer creature who is violently #obsessed with you. #she packed up her kid and she left! also did some other things but we don't need to talk about that #cw: incest #interview with the vampire

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

also i just wanna give a quick note to ppl bc I’ve seen this happen before when characters commit suicide- please be careful how you phrase posts about them having a happy afterlife/being happier/ect. like that is not necessarily a bad thing to do but you do have to be careful. q!jaiden commited suicide. she chose to die to the nuke due to her own grief and trauma. now obviously stuff just depicting her chilling with the dead eggs and server members is fine, but specifically framing it as her being better off dead due to said grief and trauma or framing it like she could never heal or be better alive can be extremely triggering to people with suicidal ideation. obviously out of universe we know jaiden has said she'd make it more angsty if she was alive, but in-universe the idea that q!jaiden could only be happy through killing herself is just like. potentially very harmful.

#idk if people are doing it bc again not really familiar with the qsmp fandom but I have seen it happen in others #and like. i get the idea but like. q!jaiden committed suicide. that is explicitly what jaiden has said. #she willingly stayed behind to die because she didn’t want to live anymore. she didn’t take the action herself but it’s still suicide. #pleaee be careful with that #suicide tw

[moobrvoobl-moobmoob-oobmpoobroom]

I just find it mind-boggling that some people will reblog things like “Anakin didn’t care about Rex and his men, he wouldn’t listen to Fives just because he was friends with Palpatine” and then in the next post be gushing over Rexwalker/Rexanidala like???? so you agree. Anakin does care about Rex?

#some people will literally hate on either Anakin or the Jedi council for reasons that explicitly contradict the point of the prequels #and then YOU'RE either toxically positive or condoning abuse for liking all the characters and having a nuanced view of things #the takes I mentioned in the body of this post literally wiped out the fact that Palpatine groomed and manipulated him for Years just so- #-they could say “wow the clones didn’t deserve what that horrible guy Anakin did to them” #me: okay. so you’re saying they didn’t deserve for him to show kindness and friendship and help reinforce the mindset of individuality they #-already had and that the majority of jedi encouraged because they are a group who treasure individuality and have compassion on everyone & #-all things??? #Anakin could be a shit person but he wasn’t to the clones and I will die on this hill #“he enslaved them” you’re pinning that on ANAKIN. a literal former slave. not the Republic or the Kaminoans? #he would have 0 reason to enslave them because he knows what that’s like. he’s been through that #why. WHY do people blame Anakin or the Jedi for 100% of everything going wrong instead of Palpatine. #you can blame Anakin for the choices he made and the Jedi Order for the oversights and legalism they started to have during the war #but enslavement of the clones??? not listening to Fives because of Palpatine??? #if you want to blame Anakin for the clones being slaves you have to blame the rest of the Jedi too #and we all know how rare it is for ‘Anakin antis’ to also be ‘Jedi order antis’ #quotation because there is a certain connotation and generalisation that comes with those phrases these days #I just don’t understand why Anakin is to blame for that specifically. blame him for being angry and violent and obsessive and turning to th #dark side logic+morals be damned to save one person yes but slavery??? he didn’t know about the chips and if he did you bet your ass he- #-would hate them just as much as the slave monitors on Tatooine #anyway #I want to see both sides of the debate i really do because some people have really good points on character motivations etc #but it’s getting ridiculous at this point. I always try to be a calm and positive space but some of y’all’s takes are contradictory bullshi #Fandom salt #swift talks #Swift rambles in the tags #vent #Jedi positive #meta #ish? #jedi positivity

[panuccispizza]

on one hand I think we need radical degendering of every human & we HAVE TO start with cis people. but the way we talk about and treat men (ALL.) is really unhealthy for everyone involved and the only people benefitting from gender is like. radfems and conservatives who want "traditional family values"

#not to be a mra at 12am. but ive been microdosing being chronically online and unemployed bc of being post op #and there's like a clear path that everyone else is missing that would help absolve us of a lot of issues #you want to get rid of misogyny and transphobia and homophobia? we have to get rid of the idea #that there are any differences to the human body. #'but what about?' GUESS WHAT! some people are born without fucking eyeballs i do not want to hear about organs or chromosomes #every living thing has hormones and hormones are not explicitly just testosterone or estrogen #your body naturally produces both and with out them youre going to die. that's how it is #we need to absolve that there is anything at all biologically different from one another just bc some of us are more #estrogen or testosterone dominant.

[markiafc]

a good suicide narrative is very important to me tbh!

#me is mark #it's naturally heavy and sad #but it always comes with such an intense relief and comfort #when the characters do die in the end i sometimes find it unbearable #i couldn't watch the scene where xdq's father finds his body for the longest time #though now i can face it with ease and revisit that tragedy over and over again #in the face of ambiguous endings where the offscreen suicide is heavily implied #i also often choose to believe these characters have escaped somewhere far away and are free #because i want so badly for them to be alive #though if it's revealed explicitly that they in fact are in the better place and healing and happy #then the effect on me is lost and i'm no longer as compelled abhsdbhbsd #a story of survival is powerful #but nothing alleviates my soul like a hard-hitting suicide story it feels like

[deus-and-the-machina]

I feel like I keep seeing this happening but it frustrates me when a popular show gets hyped up then has some mediocre writing and people act like it's now become to worst thing ever. girl people stuck out for goddamn supernatural this is nothing.

#this is mainly about yellowjackets like yeah the second season wasn't perfect but it was also not as bad as some people claimed #I get you're upset nat died but that doesnt make it bad writing why are you getting upset at the explicitly dark show for not giving a #character a happy ending and there was the thing with the actor wanting to leave as well but outside circumstances aside I thought #the parallels of nat letting javi die for her vs not letting someone do that for her again were interesting #idk I just hate that it didnt take much for people to sour on the show like cmon it wasn't THAT bad #plus like. we still have the teen timeline she's still gonna be around as a character and ngl im more interested in that so maybe it doesnt #bother me so much but yeah. I cant really recall the last time people weren't upset about a character death and I feel there's a knee-jerk #reaction of calling it bad writing which I even agree with sometimes so im disappointed but not surprised. #siren says #writing stuff

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

Radfems and Alt-right'ers aligning with each other is one of the most incredible things to come out of the 21st century lmao

#txt #the only reason they even pay attention to them is because radfems hate transgenders particularly the mtf's with a burning passion #you got radfems involved in right-wing circles and they actually get along with them #even the damn men and i don't know how the f*ck that can possible when radfems want all men to die #this is truly amazing #honestly though they still shouldn't associate with radfems because they don't get that their terf mentality doesn't come from anything els #but their insatiable hatred for men. it doesn't have anything to do with transgenderism itself #“you can be friends with somebody you don't agree with” there is that and there's being friends with somebody that wants you gone from this #damn planet man #but oh well #they are suddenly fine because they tell mft's that they will never be women or whatever #the fact that y'all have reached this level is all sorts of amazing to me #it's gotten to the point where the rw is really associating with a group of people that f*cking hate them and would personally kill them if #they had the chance to actually do it #i'm saying all of this as someone who isn't either left-leaning or right-leaning. screw both sides #on the radfems i don't get it don't you hate all men and think all of them are inherently evil? so why the F*CK are you aligning yourself #with a whole group that you explicitly hate distrust and can't even look in the eye without feeling disgust??? you are a part of something #that they created and that you have explicitly stated on numerous occasions that you find it to be patriarchal misogynistic and sexist #i don't get it???? specially if you are christian you should DEFINITELY not even align with them #if you have that mindset with the jews you should have it with them too. they have a hatred for god jesus christ and christianity because to #them christianity is at the core of women's “oppression” (i mean they direct that at religion as a concept but christianity has been their #scapegoat for over a hundred years at this point #i mean you can still have love for them but they reject jesus. all we can do is pray for them and hope that they embrace jesus christ as #their lord and savior. that's the only legitimate way they can be saved. there is no other way

[tovaicas]

some of the threads probably could've been handled better but as a whole I love alphinaud's HW character arc so much

#saint.txt #spoilers #major spoilers #ishgardposting #long post #in tags #the reason him being the mouthpiece for ish.gard at zenith annoys me so much is not just bc he robs esti.nien of a much-needed moment #but also bc alphi.naud should not be seeing himself in the ishg.ardians. he should be seeing himself in the *vault.* #HW spends most of its runtime explicitly forcing alphi.naud to see for himself the real actual cost of war after an entire series #of patches where he has played with soldier's lives like they're distant toys or tools and even then doesn't fully conceptualize it #until esti.nien extremely bluntly tells him he's sending someone he cares about into mortal peril like he's asking them to go to the store #as much as I hate it HW through sohm al directly challenges him bc he just blindly follows the ishg.ardian assumption that all #drav.anians are vicious and violent monsters hellbent on destroying poor innocent ish.gard and in his own complacency #he has directly participated in perpetuating the violence and war crimes committed against the drav.anians. #I don't want alphi.naud standing in for esti.nien to relay how badly the vault has betrayed its people #I want alphi.naud's threads to line up and for him to have a genuine realization that he has done a horrific act of violence to an innocent #party and have to struggle with what this means for his sense of self. He killed dragons in sohm al and justified it as self-defense. #alphi.naud should stand there at zenith and for all his conviction realize that he sees himself in the vault. bc he has directly sent #soldiers and friends who trusted him directly to their deaths with a flick of his wrist while he sat nice and safe from on high #nice and safe and protected from the realities of his violence / and perpetuated a great act of evil bc of his own complacency. #that he treats someone he cares abt more like a tool and never considers there is a real chance that for every battle he sends them into #they might never walk out of again - just as the vault sends scores of dragoons and knights to die needless deaths against dragons #and he only realizes this fact once someone else very well-acquainted with the cost of war points it out to him #HW's threads of 'you do not need to be intentionally evil or an asshole to perpetuate evil acts' is so good

[theorderofthetriad]

y'know, the more i think about it, the more i genuinely think that Neji was trying to save Naruto, and just happened to save Hinata because they both jumped in the path of danger to save Naruto at the same time.

Like, Neji's dying speech acknowledges that Hinata tried to save Naruto, but Neji talks/thinks primarily about how much Naruto's life is worth and the meaningful impact Naruto had on Neji's life. I think he fully intended to die for Naruto.

#hyuuga neji #naruto #i'm talking specifically about the manga here i never had and never will watch the anime #i'm sorry hinata i love you hinata but i just don't think that neji would wanna die for you considering your family history #also real talk: could neji have been in love with naruto? #is a thought i want to entertain only in fandom where neji is still alive #there is ripe comedic potential in a neji vs. hinata romcom for naruto's heart #(neji would win. i'm sorry hinata but neji would 100% win he has WAY more chemistry with naruto) #santagno #sure i'll look up and add the ship name for this as well i guess: #nejinaru #honestly rereading the scene it seems so explicitly about saving naruto that i'm kinda surprised people do think it was about saving hinata #neji hyuga #Top Tino Post

[medicinemane]

And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"

I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse

And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa

And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house

I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished

...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)

And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff

There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government

No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)

Like have some accountability there and in every situation

Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free

If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off

I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)

But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced

Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around

I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)

...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change

(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)

(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)

#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem #shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide #what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne #...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain #and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make #but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves #not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here' #it's sick; it truly is #but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better #we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair #only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide #the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same #you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help #that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink #get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope #we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said #'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die' #I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up #I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure #and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty #my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows) #...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more... #and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet #it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last #...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind #I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die #and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income #given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now #mm tag so i can find things later

[nerdyqueerr]

Was blocking a blog and saw they rbed some dumbass terf post abt the sancticity and anti-patriarchy victory of womens sports whatever whatever point is there were a few lines about rugby in it and. It was so instantaneously obvious that the poster didnt know shit abt rugby it was truly hilarious. And also keep rugbys name out of your mouth if anyone on my rugby team met you they would kick your ass

#''womens sports are a great place for lgb solidarity'' terf vs ''oh yeah we dont have any transfems on the team at the moment but #we play both with and against lots of trans women at Bingham (international rugby cup) every year. btw do you want trans pride flag colored #team socks?'' #which is. a genuine convo i had with a woman on my team #LGB no T? in womans rugby?? bitch the international gay rugby league is vocally and enthusiastically trans inclusive. die mad abt it #i just. oh my god #yeah rugby canada has shitty transphobic rules but the 'womens sports is the place for lgb solidarity (ie transphobia)' #bit. being next to RUGBY is driving me insane #like the equity VP started telling me the names of famous transfem rugby players i should follow on instagram #also im focusing on transfem stuff here bc thats like. the main target of this type of shit #but need i even mention the amt of nonbinary/genderqueer/potentially transmasc-dyke type people on the wolves W+ team. like holy shit #anyways i hope the op of that post shows up to a gay womens rugby practice looking for some transphobic lgb solidarity #and gets her ass absolutely handed to her #my teammates are down to fight!! they explicitly said so!!! #anyways. yeah. #my shit

[exopelagic]

honk shoo.

#but yeah sleepy. #i have so much to do these next few days I’m gonna die #meanwhile I just wanna see my friends #the good thing is that some of the busy things involve seeing my friends but goddamn why are almost all of them hard #also YES I’m going to be dumb and gay again bc a) why shouldn’t I b) nobody can stop me #I’m being dumb and gay again. #now seen The Guy twice since I’ve been back and he’s very cool #still feel like I’m being insane god idk what I’m doing #I hope he comes tomorrow bc he can’t make the meeting which means he won’t be on committee which sucks bc he did want to #OH but I did mean to tell him there was one role he could go for and have a good shot at that I think he’d be good for #only problem is if he doesn’t come tomorrow I can’t tell him in time bc I don’t have any way to message him other than email #(which feels slightly creepy bc I only know it bc secretary and he’s never explicitly said his surname so it’s just inferred from the list) #idk. the thing that gets me is we are very much friends now. like early stages of friends but we keep talking at hockey #and importantly he keeps coming To Me which keeps surprising me bc he does it more than any of my other friends #but I guess I’m also coming to him kinda a lot too. self awareness falls when around cute boy you get how it is #god it’s so unfair why is he like this #I finished getting my skates off before he did yesterday which gave me a very good opportunity to Look while he was talking #and have it not be weird and he’s just very pretty. he’s got a rlly nice nose #i always feel insane pointing out noses it’s the Draw speaking bc I use noses as a focal point and they’re fun to draw #tbh it’s unlikely I will say someone does Not have a nice nose but idk let me have this. it would be fun to draw is maybe what I mean #and I hadn’t noticed before bc the like bridge? and uhh like. base? idk nose words but they don’t match #the bridge is super long and on the thin side w a bump like mine but the like bottom is much rounder and wider and I don’t see that mix much #he also just has rlly nice hair it’s super curly and he’s in that like weird light brown purgatory where it’s all different colours #like it’s mostly light brown but some bits look rlly dark and some especially at the ends is like almost blonde and it changes w the light #god he also keeps doing this dumb fucking thing where he’s trying to skate while squatting all the way and it’s ridiculous #he looks like a spider folding in on itself and the worst part is he can fucking do it #he’s gotten so good at skating recently and I have a feeling he lives somewhere with an ice rink bc I’m sure he’s better than he was novembr #yeah I also got to just stand and watch him play yesterday and it’s so incredibly horribly unfair #anyway I’m too fucking gay and I will not let him escape me again tomorrow I Will get his instagram or smth bc I swear this man #luke.txt