#trying to find value in themselves by following characters who are learning not to hate themselves

[not-poignant]

Hello! I read some of your reposts about importance of comments and that any can be usefull to self evaluation as author. My question - is it weird and uncomfortable if people bring too many personal problems commenting your fics? Like, do you distant yourself out from comments that bring a lot of person's drama, does it feel uplifting in the end, if comment is a lot about reader's not so happy history? Can you still feel joy from that kind of comment?Thanks for unswer if you do.Have a nice day!

Hi anon,

So, this is kind of complex. I would say the vast majority of people don't overshare at all, and when they are sharing from their lives, it's in a way that makes complete sense and is very 'contained.' I can tell they're not expecting emotional labour from me, and that they're sharing because they found a point of resonance between themselves, the story, the situation, or the character/s, or a combination of all of the above.

And like, that's a part of why I write, y'know? I want to strike up that sense of resonance in folks who relate to these characters, so when people share that it has resonated, that's like... purposeful and meaningful to me. I feel like I've made a connection. I also sometimes feel sorrowful - like when someone explains they relate to Efnisien because of abuse they've also experienced, or when someone explains that they relate to a character's chronic illness because of their own.

But I can also generally tell through tone and language that the commenter doesn't expect labour from me, they're speaking their pain into the world in a way that's like 'this is me, and here's this character, and we both share this thing in common.' In a perfect world, none of us would know what this kind of pain is like. In this world, a lot of us do, and we get to feel less alone when we read stories where we feel seen.

And that is, by and large, the general experience when readers share something personal that they resonated with in a comment.

That being said, I do also maintain very strong boundaries with people's personal matters, because I'm not someone who's 'healed and above all my own issues who is sharing what I've learned to people still going through it' I am someone who is still going through it. And often folks have no idea what kind of day I'm having or how I'm feeling when they comment, and so... on the very very rare occasion I do get a comment that feels like it's pushing for some kind of emotional labour that's beyond what I can give... I will not give that labour. I will acknowledge their comment, thank them for reading, and not...give energy I don't have to spare.

And like, honestly, 99 times out of 100, everyone is very respectful of that and even caring towards it.

I can probably count on like two hands, in ten years, the commenters who I felt had become very self-focused or what I felt was over-sharing in comments in a way that sort of...was no longer about me or the story, where they just treated the comment section as a diary instead. In those cases I tend to leave very brief acknowledgements, as a kind of 'I see this, I know this is painful, but this is not my lane, and I don't want this to be my lane.' But a more compassionate version of that.

If anything, the most personal stories, anon, come to me in Asks that are sent via Tumblr, off anonymous, so I can reply privately. These folks are usually very...aware that I might not be in the space to hear them, and are frankly the most 'if you don't have time or energy to reply please don't pressure yourself', so I feel no burden or obligation and that usually makes it easier to reply in my own time.

The ones that come to me via anon, I only reply to selectively, and that depends on a few factors. Some things are extremely personal and frankly I'm not comfortable replying because even if I did it would be to say 'I think a professional needs to handle this.' I've also - very rarely - had a few people do things that were not cool, to manipulate me into caretaking them, usually because they want the comfort feeling that one of my characters creates, and then from there thinks 'Pia made that character so they can give that to me instead.' This doesn't happen often, but it's very distinct when it does.

But that's rare! Super rare!

It might be that others read the comments of folks in fics and think 'I would never share those kinds of details about my life like that' and that's fine for them - but some folks do need to share, and want to feel seen because they felt seen during the fic, and I have no problems with that in general.

I have learned so so much about the human condition, about the fact that things that I thought literally no one would relate to are things that actually a lot of people relate to, etc. through the grace and vulnerability of the folks who comment on my fics with personal anecdotes or even just 'I've been through something like this, and I thought you showed it well / it's a painful thing to go through.'

I know a lot of authors wouldn't have much patience with that maybe? I don't know. I'm literally writing trauma recovery, mental illness and chronic illness, queerness and neurodivergence, and people going through tough times. I don't think an author ends up writing that stuff if they're generally not looking to make a connection with fellow folks who have also gone through some tough times! And even if I can't be those people's support systems, I think all of us having these ephemeral moments of effectively saying: 'Same bro' through the comments, is pretty powerful, and magical, actually.

Caveat: If a person brings personal problems into my fics with the expectation that I will then fix them, that's something I don't really do and don't enter into. That's where my boundaries are firm. Sometimes I won't even acknowledge those kinds of situations at all. If a person reads something for free and then seeks to obligate a complete stranger into being their support or therapist, there's a much bigger issue going on there that isn't my business, and I generally will maintain significant distance in those situations.

TL;DR - I don't think I'd write these stories if I didn't want to make connections with folks who have also gone through some hard times. The vast majority of people who bring up personal stuff aren't necessarily bringing me 'joy' - but I don't just look for joy in the comments, anon, I also look for connection, resonance, moments of feeling less alone, and sometimes that's not easy, but it's still very special. As for the very rare occasions where someone wants me to personally hold their hand, I step back, because a) that's not my job, and b) I don't think folks realise sometimes just how much proverbial hand-holding I need as well lol - I might sound like I have my shit together, but I do not.

#asks and answers #pia on writing #pia on fanfiction #honestly i think like #collectively my 'readers' are some of the best people in the whole fucking world #they're often insightful and deeply attuned to people's issues #they're usually dealing with some shit #they're often recovering people pleasers and/or people #trying to find value in themselves by following characters who are learning not to hate themselves #they're people who want to believe in hope amongst messy lives #while there's always exceptions #the folks i've met via my writing have been some of the best folks i've ever met in my whole life #and even if i only ever know them by their usernames #i'm grateful to have gotten to know them at all #if someone tells me they have a surgery and my fic is helping #i'm relieved and i hope they recover well #if someone tells me they've had a hard year in health #i'm sad on their behalf and hope they can find comfort #idk it's just dsalkfjdsa it's just what it is i guess

[paragonrising]

1, 4, 9

munday asks \\ ✧ // accepting

1. How do you feel about reblog karma?

Let me head this off by saying I follow this and/or ‘reblog from source,’ if my partners have it or some similar iteration in their rules. However, this is asking my opinion on the whole thing so… 

I don’t care for it, and I find it ridiculous.

At its core, I understand the sentiment. The idea inevitably came about by someone or someone's feeling neglected because people would reblog the meme from them, and not send in anything. Now, there are a number of reasons why someone might not get asks.

They could be shit at answering them, like myself. I love getting asks but compared to others I’m slow af with them. I’ve got prompt memes I’m still working on months later because I want to answer them but I just can’t get what’s in my head onto a Word document in a way I like.

The person reblogging the meme might just not want that interaction or be curious. That’s not a crime. I don’t know when this became a crime, but… it’s absolute nonsense.

You’re not mutuals. The rpc is a big place and people might stumble across your blog but choose not to interact, but they like the meme you found.

I know someone out there is like Oh Smaug, they can just reblog from source— I HATE THAT MORE THAN REBLOG KARMA.

Honestly, the list can just go on. People are people. But here’s a tidbit I remember back when I started years ago, I recall a few people complaining on dash that no one was sending in asks. They said everyone else was getting things but not them, then sometime after reblog karma appeared.

Reblog karma in my opinion, came from others’ insecurities that emerged by comparing themselves to others. It didn’t come from any polite notion, or a good place, and it doesn’t help the rpc. I think it pushes interactions away over fostering them.

4. which muse of yours is your all time favorite? if you stopped writing them: why?

Ah, my Queen, my love, my everything: Sylvanas Windrunner. A diabolical, hateful, vicious woman who valued nothing the living could offer her save their corpses for her army. Before Blizzard butchered her and her goals to try and twist her into a different type of villain. Urgh.

I *ahem* obviously don’t roleplay her anymore. But I adored her and her intricacies and motivations. She was a conniving bitch, and not to be trusted.

As for why I don’t roleplay her anymore; the WoW rpc was a small community and inactivity killed it. I also lost interest in WoW, the game’s story went in a weird, bleh direction and while that didn’t kill my love for Sylvanas… I didn’t want to roleplay in that universe anymore.

9. when you look at a new blog, what is it that makes you press the follow button? is it the muse, the aesthetics, the writing–?

It’s a trifecta. It’s important that the blog I’m about to follow has a muse I am genuinely interested in.

Next is rules. You can learn a lot about a person from their rules, and I use them to gauge if I’m going to get along with this person.

The final piece is their writing, and not so much grammar and spelling. Mistakes are normal and they don’t bother me. I’m actually looking for characterisation – does that character actually sound like themselves?

In the case of a multimuse, if I can’t find an example of writing for the muse I want to interact with – I’ll look at other characters if I recognise them and decide accordingly. If there’s not a single other muse I know well enough to judge, then chances are I won’t follow.

#// thank you for the question nonny! #✭ // state-of-the-art two-way pager (answered)

[shantyslimes]

Fuck it it's Christmas my gift to you is a breakdown of how I like to design Ventrue feeding restrictions.

So whenever I look through a feeding restriction I think less of the character inheriting it like a genetic feature and more as an opportunity for symbolism. To that end it's important to think about how the character perceives the curse.

If they're positive towards it, then it has to work in conjunction to the character. A Ventrue anarch in a game I run has the restriction of "the rich". How does the curse decide if it works? Who knows. But the important thing is that this character by having to LITERALLY eat the rich, have gained a tool to find them. They evaluate someone's financial value to their goals by feeding. Also on the symbolic level, rejecting the money they came from and turning it to fuel. This works because it forces someone looking to reject the traditional ideas of the ventrue to interact with them, which plays to the themes of their sire gaslighting and indoctrinating people. Anyway, they use their restriction as part of their ideology and a weapon that furthers themselves.

The other option is the character dislikes their description. The very first ventrue I made was closeted gay and wildly trying to hide himself, and could only feed on men. The curse was effectively outing him, and it forced him to either hide his feeding so he wouldn't have to face being gay. Or acknowledge himself as gay and feed openly. Except NOT openly because the masquerade forced him to still be quiet, which helped form the main theme of his story where he realised that no matter how honest he could learn to be with himself, he could never be honest with anyone else. Also the camarilla are vaguely homophobic. Or maybe he's taking it too personally.

In other words, a restriction has to bring the themes of the character to the forefront. If a characters story is about say, learning to value everyone as having value, the restriction HAS to be relevant. You don't want someone like that to have a restriction of natural blondes because it's basically random. Instead, it being the higher class sort the ventrue love to say are common for restrictions, then they're inherently a hypocrite. Not a bad thing, but important. If their restriction is sex workers or people that they consider beneath them, then they probably fall into the second category and hate it, because them being super into that is very much against the typical ventrue values. Which brings me neatly to my next point...

How does the restriction play into the common ideas of the clan? Or how does the clan think of this kindred because of this restry. Obviously most ventrue aren't going to just share that information, but WHY. Oh it's a valuable thing to know against a potential enemy? Boring. It's guarded because it's private and revealing. That's a rule I tend to follow, at least. It makes the drama of a restriction stronger to know it's too telling to trust others with the information. ESPECIALLY if it's something the larger clan wouldn't approve of.

Lastly, I try to remember that the act of feeding is extremely pleasurable, and just through a feedback loop, most vetrue WILL come to like their restriction. It's a matter of eventually accepting pleasure so they fall into destructive habits, but what the kiss means as a metaphor to an individual character also changes that context. Is the kiss sex? Lust is easy to fall back on. Is it an addiction? Prepare for the restriction to be a "habit" etc etc.

The important thing really is that anything you think would be neat is good, just try and keep it important since it's GOING to come up a lot

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

About the “I thought we would fight side by side forever” speech. Its meant to be seen as heartwarming, but it also could be seen as Thor having no clue and no desire to learn what Loki thought or wanted and simply dragging him along into his fantasy life. Because Loki in Thor 2011 doesn’t look like he even likes physical fighting, but of course Thor would fail to notice such a basic detail about his own brother.

Oh my, that damn elevator scene. I'll be honest, I used to think it was heartwarming and lovely too because I took it at face value but frankly that scene is horrendous, way too victim blamey and it puts Thor is such a terrible terrible light... I hate it.

THOR: "This place is perfect for you. It's savage, chaotic, lawless. Brother, you're going to do great here."

This makes for a rather weird characterization of Loki. Since Marvel have been insistent in trying to erase Thanos' involvement in the NYC invasion, it would seem that his character can only and will only be defined by it, devoid of context and retconned to the point where Loki all of a sudden becomes a genocidal maniac who finds enjoyment in absolute chaos and "hedonism" as they say in the series.

But when have we seen Loki truly engage in something like that? Because that description could fit someone who spends their days in Contraxia and I'm pretty sure Loki would hate that place.

You could argue that everything Thor is saying here is reverse psychology (and I'm sure that's what they were going for) but if you don't allow the other character the chance to define themselves this is just another instance where someone else is defining him without facing any resistance.

LOKI: "Do you truly think so little of me?"

THOR: "Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever. But, at the end of the day, you're you, I'm me... I don't know, maybe there's still good in you, but let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago."

How about we allow Loki to define himself? Nah, better have someone else do it as per freaking usual.

"Maybe there's still good"? I can understand Thor being angry about Svartalfheim but what of Loki protecting Jane, rushing to help him, teaming up with him... all that doesn't matter, it's not even part of the equation it seems and that's a constant in Loki's life: do as much good as you want but it all will go unnoticed and people will only see the bad.

And "our paths diverged", yeah but why? Is that Loki's fault, just his? No self-reflection of any kind there, wow. And what of Odin, he has no responsibility in this either? This quote makes it seem as if Loki had just chosen to abandon his family and do it on his own which couldn't be further from the truth.

Also, these guys are over a thousand years old. All this madness about Jotunheim, NYC, bla bla happened in the span of what, 4 years? That's nothing for these guys!

And then the "Get Help" prank that I suppose was an attempt to remember the good ol days to manipulate Loki into thinking they could have that again.

I can't get behind all this because why use manipulation tactics when he could have just... talked to him? This whole scenario is Thor talking about himself, his thoughts, his opinions, etc. It's so one-sided it's almost funny. He doesn't understand his brother and he doesn't want to, he stopped caring and he just wants him to follow him and do as told?

That's not Thor, not even close. Ragnarok not only ruined Loki, it ruined Thor too.

#anti ragnarok

[age-of-moonknight]

Baruch Haba!

Welcome to all visitors and sundry other travelers of the night!  Thanks for stopping by and I’m happy you’re here. If you’d like to filter out material from the newest comics, filter the tag “latest release.”

This started out as just a place for me to record things I found of interest as I read through all of Moon Knight’s 616 comic book appearances, but since (surprisingly????) some individuals seem interested in following along, I thought I would make a bit of an information post.

Post content

Typically, I try to stick to posting just the panel/s of note and a source citation.  I would highly encourage those who are interested to look up or purchase the original comics themselves, as the comic book industry could always use more support (and I at least would value hearing all of your opinions).

Citation format (bit of a mutated MLA style): “Individual Comic Title,” Comic Book Title (vol. #/year of volume’s first issue), #issue number. Writer: name; Penciler: name; Inker: name; Colorist: name; Letterer: name (Let me know if I miss anything or if any of you would like me to add anything more that might be of use).

Tags

Tagging System: At the moment, my current system involves tagging, amongst other things, the name of the cited comic book and reoccurring characters that appear on panel.  Note: I try to tag “Steven Grant” or “Jake Lockley” whenever those alters are either mentioned or when fronting so as best to facilitate archiving purposes.  After that you can find any personal comments I might have in the tags, which you can read or ignore entirely at your own convenience.  What I have to say isn’t critical; I’m just here to read comics hahaha

Some Commonly Used Tags:

1. Let’s get this bread: started as a joke about Marc’s insistence on using the term “bread” in reference to money in his first appearances, but now I use it to tag comic book covers and the beginning of when I start posting about a new comic book issue.  I also use “let’s get this other bread” for variant covers.

2. Comics are why my sense of humor is broken: I blame learning to read via the 1963 Amazing Spider-Man comics for why I love really corny humor.  Expect to find groan-inducingly bad jokes and general comic book wackiness within this tag.

3. Sometimes comics are bad and I hate them: As much as I admittedly love comic books, there are some thematic elements endemic to the comic book industry (as a relic of the times they were published or due to creator biases) that are not, nor in many cases never have been, okay.  Filter out this tag if you would rather screen posts for racist, misogynist, or ableist content.

4. Where’s Moony: For when Moon Knight’s lurking in the background as a cameo.

A derivative of this tag is “Moon Knight is in this issue I swear.” My initial goal to post the cover of every comic book issue Moon Knight has appeared in has backfired a little in that some appear to be non-sequiturs.  But yeah there’s a Moon Knight cameo I swear

5. Knight Mail: My responses to any asks I may get.

6. Not Moony: I’ll try to limit the off-topic content as much as possible but sometimes other things do catch my interest.

Let me know if there’s anything else you would like for me to add here and I’ll look into it.  Thanks again for following along and welcome to the Midnight Mission! 

[gyrrakavian]

I Am A: Chaotic Good Dwarf Cleric (5th Level) Ability Scores: Strength-15 Dexterity-16 Constitution-12 Intelligence-14 Wisdom-13 Charisma-12 Alignment: Chaotic Good A chaotic good character acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect of him. He makes his own way, but he's kind and benevolent. He believes in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. He hates it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. He follows his own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society. Chaotic good is the best alignment you can be because it combines a good heart with a free spirit. However, chaotic good can be a dangerous alignment when it disrupts the order of society and punishes those who do well for themselves. Race: Dwarves are known for their skill in warfare, their ability to withstand physical and magical punishment, their hard work, and their capacity for drinking ale. Dwarves are slow to jest and suspicious of strangers, but they are generous to those who earn their trust. They stand just 4 to 4.5 feet tall, but are broad and compactly built, almost as wide as they are tall. Dwarven men value their beards highly. Class: Clerics act as intermediaries between the earthly and the divine (or infernal) worlds. A good cleric helps those in need, while an evil cleric seeks to spread his patron's vision of evil across the world. All clerics can heal wounds and bring people back from the brink of death, and powerful clerics can even raise the dead. Likewise, all clerics have authority over undead creatures, and they can turn away or even destroy these creatures. Clerics are trained in the use of simple weapons, and can use all forms of armor and shields without penalty, since armor does not interfere with the casting of divine spells. In addition to his normal complement of spells, every cleric chooses to focus on two of his deity's domains. These domains grants the cleric special powers, and give him access to spells that he might otherwise never learn. A cleric's Wisdom score should be high, since this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast. Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

#dnd #dnd character

[daughter-of-melpomene]

charity and humility qs for donnie my love

Thanks for this!!

CHARITY:

Does your OC believe in a higher or spiritual power which has love for them (or for their followers in general)?

Donnie is an atheist, so he doesn't believe in any higher power until he learns more about Diana and realizes that the Greek gods are actually real. He's always had trouble believing that any benevolent higher power exists who would allow so many terrible things to happen in the world, and not just because of what happened to him.

Does your OC find it easy to love other people? Or are there psychological or intellectual barriers for them when it comes to loving others?

Donnie desperately wants to be able to love other people, but real love cannot exist without trust, and it's incredibly hard for him to trust other people considering the way he spent his childhood. He's trying hard to work on letting people in, but there's always going to be a part of him that considers it too much of a risk to trust people considering the people who "raised" him.

Is your OC sympathetic to the suffering of others? Do they feel motivated to offer help or support? Or do they enjoy seeing others suffer?

Donnie is incredibly sympathetic to the suffering of others. That's a big part of the reason he was motivated to escape Project Sentinel in the first place, and to become a vigilante; he can't stand seeing people hurt or in danger and always feels obliged to help when they are.

Does your OC have positive relationships with their neighbours or others in their community?

As stated, Donnie has a lot of trouble trusting other people, so he struggles to have any kind of a relationship with his neighbors and community. He knows how to be friendly, but he never reveals too much about himself in a conversation, and most people can usually sense that he's holding something back, and that causes a bit of a disconnect when he talks to people.

Does your character have any particular prejudices? Do other people ever consider them bigoted or judgemental?

The only prejudices Donnie has are against people with prejudices. He can't stand bigots of any kind, and he won't hesitate to call them out on their shitty behavior.

HUMILITY:

Is your OC modest? Or are there some things they like to boast about?

Aside from the fact that most of the boast-worthy things he does he can't boast about (ya know, because of secret identities and all), Donnie is not at all a boastful person. He hates arrogant people and sees bragging as a hallmark of arrogance (at least when people do it often, because he understands wanting to brag about something you're proud of), so he never does it.

Does your OC ever "humble-brag"? How do others generally respond to this?

Donnie would never "humble-brag". He hates it (going back to the bragging-comes-with-arrogance thing), and until he meets Diana and the rest of the Justice League, it's not like he really has anyone to brag to anyway.

How much value does your OC place upon their appearance? Do they consider themselves beautiful or handsome?

Donnie doesn't put much value into his appearance. Yes, he makes an effort to at least appear presentable, but that's about as far as he'll go because he just doesn't think it matters that much. And he mostly thinks he's alright-looking, but he hates all the scars on his body from Project Sentinel's experiments, and thinks that they marr his body.

Does your OC get irritated when encountering someone who is vain or arrogant?

Yes, definitely. Most vain and arrogant people remind him of the scientists at Project Sentinel, who were mostly all convinced that they were the most intelligent people alive and were going to take over the world with their own personal Frankenstein's monster, so aside from reminding him of all his trauma, they just really piss him off.

Is your OC a bad loser? Or are they gracious in defeat?

It really depends on the situation. When it comes to a game or even sparring with a friend, Donnie doesn't mind losing, but if it's in a fight with a criminal or villain, he can't stand it, because there's a good chance more innocent people will get hurt as a result of his failure.

[ SEVEN CAPITAL VIRTUES OC QUESTIONS ]

#my ocs #asks about my ocs #oc: donnie carver

[bastart13]

I’ve had a lot of fun recently coming with with female mercenary characters for TF2. I really liked where the concept art was going with making them all individual characters rather than simply “if the characters were women”

The design style is fantastic for distinct simplicity so I tried limiting myself to basic colours and shapes to make these

and I’m pretty confident they pass the silhouette test!

Character names/bios under the cut!

Heavy

Name: Marie Jarrett

Age: Mid 30s-40s

Height: 6’5

Nationality: American (Hawai’i)

Bio: Raised in Hawai’i, growing up she developed more and more drastic measures to fend off the tourists swarming her home. Land mines, electric gates, guard dogs, none could stop them for long until she picked up her trusty minigun to send her message. But even still, she hears the click of cameras in the night.

Eventually, she left her home to explore the world. Enthralled with the image of seeing different wonders across different countries, she’s always disappointed. She’s travelled every continent and still finds nothing that lives up to her expectations. No place, no person. She’s outgoing and open to new experiences, only she usually hates them.

Mercenary life is a great opportunity to earn money, see sights, meet new people and kill them after they don’t meet your expectations. She hates New Mexico and takes every opportunity to destroy the buildings and insult her employer’s tastes. She finds some people she tolerates within the mercenaries as she hasn’t yet visited where they live. However much she hides it, she has a deep, instinctual fear of the Engineer.

  Soldier

Name: Linda Smith

Age: Early 40s

Height: 5’10

Nationality: Canadian

Bio: Canada’s perfect woman… or so she claims. The star of war propaganda posters and clearly decided for the role because of her great tactical assets. She’s there to motivate people into the fight. To spread the glory of Canada and inspire her allies. She believes she has higher orders than anyone else she’s working for (ignoring the fact she hasn’t heard from them for a good few years) and is determined to follow them to the letter. She may have lost the letter but she remembers it good enough.

She represents the ideals of Canada: polite, friendly, apologetic, and pacifistic. None of these are contradicted by how she throws around rockets. That’s not what Canada means. She’s superior to everyone around her and graciously educates them on how to improve through example. She loves her French and British allies and will kindly tell the Americans how to be better.

She’s motivating and actually fairly competent, it’s just that competency might be misdirected. She’s damn good at rocket jumping, shooting her shotgun, and supporting her team, it’s just that you really need to get it in her head when she’s meant to be doing it.

Scout

Name: Patricia “Pat” Herald

Age: 50s-60s

Height: 5’4

Nationality: English

Bio: In her years, Patricia has learnt fear… and she’s learnt to laugh in its face. She wakes up at the crack of dawn, ready to leave at the drop of a hat, boots polished and laced the night before. Her years have taught her that with a gun and Jeremy by her side, she can survive!

The postal route of Appleby-in-Westmorland.

She’s been chased by geese, dogs, cows, elderly ladies, and when her postal route had her delivering post during the war, she developed a taste for blood. Nothing will stop her from delivering her post on time. Every day before 6am, every postbox will have their letters and parcels. One chucked across barbed wire, another house jumped over a river, another house miles into the country with dogs on her heels, she WILL get there and she’ll get there FAST.

But after a couple of decades, she needs a change of scenery, and the Gravels wars are just the holiday she’s needed. With her trusty black and white cat by her side (ignoring the yowling and scratches) she reckons it’ll be great time to enjoy herself.

Quotes: “Oh, hello, Human Jeremy.”

“Bloody fucking Ethel! Building her house out in the country… surrounded by bloody hills and rivers!”

Pyro

Name: Nikephoros Papadopoulos

Age: Late 20s

Height: 5’11

Nationality: Greek

Bio: Survival of the fittest. Nature gives and nature taketh away. If you’re not prepared for that, well, Pyro is more than happy to teach you the lesson. They embody the old values of the Greek gods: f*ck or fire. She indulges her every whim and unfortunately for the people around her it often involves arson.

One year for the Olympic games, she was given the noble title of torchbearer. On complete coincidence, the Olympics shifted to primarily water sports. Underwater sprints became the hot new trend!

She’s merry and chatty, never missing the opportunity to talk to other people about herself and her world view. She can’t wait to spread her gospel to help other people improve themselves (though she always gets a laugh out of those who go out screaming in the flames). She can’t help it if she has a sadistic side.

Engineer

Name: Mikawo Kojima

Age: Early 20s

Height: 5’0

Nationality: Japanese

Bio: Japan’s early-rising industrial revolutions in technology are best exemplified in Mikawo, a young upstart determined to rise to the top, learning everything she can and building the best of the best. Unfortunately, she’s never been the most creative but when you happen upon other people’s blueprints and happen to construct them first, what does it matter who came up with the “concept”?

At first, she appears to be every bit the quiet and demure young woman people expect, only when silk hides steel, that steel is a massive automatic sentry gun. She’s motivated by a distinct contempt for the people who get in her way. Especially those who try to be better than her. She enjoys the flexibility of English, especially the cusses, and she has no reservations about swearing up a storm, even if she still refuses to give a straight rejection, preferring instead to give a small “I’ll think about it.”

Quotes: “This GUN is fair use on your head!”

Demo

Name: Qingzhao Zeng

Age: Late 40s

Height: 5’3

Nationality: Chinese

Bio: The Zeng family has a long-standing family trade in demolitions and explosives, traced down the line all the way to the Song dynasty. Luckily, Qingzhao has sisters so, you know, it’s not all that important. She doesn’t even have to stop smoking and drinking. She hasn’t blown herself up (that much) so clearly, it’s working. Precision is for other people to worry about. She’s apathetic to a T, having seen everything. Measurements come from the heart. A pinch of gunpowder there, a splash of paint there.

Her family has a deep-seated rivalry with the DeGroots. Long ago in ancient China, a Zeng matriarch woke up in a cold sweat, a message from the stars to let them know of their Scottish rivals. Due to being a continent away from each other, the families have actually met each other only a handful of times, but the hatred needs to be kept up because, what if?

Turns out, Qingzhao has met Tavish even before finding employment under the Mann brothers. One drunken night, the two of them had a short, whirlwind friendship, sharing secrets and declaring each other to be their best friends. Luckily for them, they both forgot the night, merrily hating each other as tradition dictates. However, headaches and flashes of this terrible night haunt them both. Could they really get over centuries of hate and become friends?

Absolutely not.

Sniper

Name: Ansa Aaltonen

Age: 27

Height: 6’2

Nationality: Finnish

Bio: Snow. Sugar. Cocaine.  Her life is run by many white powders. Ansa is a professional sniper, with a sharp eye and a steady hand… when she isn’t also high as a kite, lost in the snowy wilderness of Finland and screeching to the sky. When you’re up in the dark and cold, you need something to give you a little pep in your step. It just so happens Ansa liked having a bit more pep than most.

She’s there for a THRILL. There’s nothing better to get your heart pumping at 200 beats per second than a good headshot, embracing the chill, and a hit of sugar. She no longer feels the cold or heat or even pain, shrugging it off until she collapses. It just makes her feel alive. She’s efficient, fast, and determined to get her kicks.

She has an unusual taste, living off fermented fish and tree bark. To most people around the Finnish wilderness, she’s nothing more than an urban legend, but she’s very real and she’s looking for some excitement, happily found in employment in the Gravel wars.

Spy

Name: Yvonne Pleshette [Real name N/A]

Age: 30s

Height: 5’8

Nationality: American (California)

Bio: The silver screen calls to his woman and she’s happy to answer. She trains herself to act in every possible role she can, having a wide range of accents, body languages, and backstories. To truly test herself, she gave up her identity long ago. Lately she’s been going by the name “Yvonne.”

The world of Hollywood is cutthroat and full of backstabbers so she learnt to cut throats and stab backs. While some people tell her the terms are metaphorical, nothing else has given her more roles. Living the mercenary life is simply gathering research for her roles (and earning some much-needed money in the process).

She presents herself as a classic film star, despite being a minor name at best, mostly because she’s always changing it. She has high standards but a cheapskate personality. She’s a bit of a bitch, happily criticising others, especially if they’re working with her. What can she say? She’s a diva.

[Slutshames other spy]

Quotes: “Ugh, actors these days, they know nothing about getting into character. They still have names.”

“’AHHHHH—’ Wait, no. Once more from the top. Scream in agony.”

Medic

Name: Susan Monks

Age: 30-40s

Height: 5’7

Nationality: American (New Jersey)

Bio: The American Healthcare system. Is there a more glorious sight? The exploitation of pain. The money. The debt. The fear it strikes into the entire population it’s designed to help. To Susan, there’s nothing better. She squeezes every last drop from the people she helps, working on a purely transactional lifestyle. She’ll never help someone unless she has all of their insurance information and the payment secure in her bank, and god forbid she ever accept help. It’s not like she can afford her own prices.

She’s very self-aware of her own corruption and proud of it, though she refuses to be exploited in the same way, suspicious of anything “free” but also doing her best not to pay for anything.

That said, she doesn’t much care for how good a job she does. In her eyes, asking for surgery is one thing. Asking for successful surgery is another. She has a variety of skills in both cosmetic and military medicine. She just wishes the license board would stop sending her “malpractice” letters. Ugh, stick to your own business. “Disappearing” all their messengers is becoming a pain.

Quotes: “Why get someone else to do something for you when you can scrounge a way to do it yourself?”

#team fortress 2 #team fortress #tf2 #fem tf2 #tf2 heavy #tf2 spy #tf2 scout #tf2 medic #tf2 sniper #tf2 engineer #tf2 soldier #tf2 demoman #tf2 pyro #character design #art #i'm very happy with how these turned out

[astrolology]

The Love-Hate Relationship with Stelliums (Pt. 1) ✨

Guysss pls remember that astrology is holistic and this should be read taking into account your overall chart placements, as well as the planets in your stellium and what sign rules your stellium. TAKE NOTE lol

1st house

❤️: You may be a person who is very driven towards a particular goal, single-minded in behavior and with a sense of determination that is hard to beat. The focus is on self-improvement and is rather internally driven - there can be large amounts of time focused on figuring one’s identity out. You’re not afraid to say things as they are - you’re able to dish out criticism hard but you give credit when its due. You extend the courtesy you receive to others. You may have an innate sense of wisdom that you keep deep within that you don’t let slip unless to extremely close ones but in times of hardship you are a good source of motivation. You always seek to improve yourself and it’s hard (if not impossible) to drag you down because of your strong personality and how you tend to always move on no matter what. I think 1st house stelliums are the embodiment of “don’t look back” and y’all always try to make the best out of every best situation, sort of like seeing the silver lining in everything. And also when crises emerge you’re able to keep a calm head on your shoulders and are good at making snap decisions, which makes you good on your feet!

👹: I don’t think y’all are as self-absorbed as ppl make you out to be but there’s definitely an element of self-centredness such that when you do something, you often consider what is most convenient or productive for you. You might get upset when your plans are disrupted but sometimes do the same to others even though you might be aware of what you’re doing - in that aspect, 1st house stelliums can be hypocritical. For you, there is never enough - you’re never satisfied with anything, be it yourself or for other things so you can seem really unappreciative. Keep in mind that you also tend to force others to agree with you and don’t be so quick to dismiss the other party’s POV no matter how dumb it seems. Remember that there’s always something to learn from other people, no matter their status. You need to work on expressing your appreciation to others in a more genuine manner (altho I know y’all do it in gruff, slightly awkward ways when sincere - kinda cute ngl).

2nd house

❤️: You may be a person who has a strong moral code and has a staunch value system that you won’t deviate from no matter what. Sense of loyalty is usually unbreakable and it can take a lot to truly anger you. You can have a good financial sense and good instincts/foresight that allow you to plan ahead for stability’s sake. More often than not in certain areas you are a master of categorising and structuring things which means that your mind is analytical, critical and (usually) organised. You hate it when people think they know you because you (understandably) know yourself the best - there are many privatised layers of yourself that you prefer to keep... private so yeah it just annoys you when that happens. Y’all are a leader in certain aspects of your life and even though 2nd house stelliums tend to prefer being the right-hand man, your control freak tendencies come out and you end up leading anyway. You become really productive because of the fear of failure - you have crazy high expectations for yourself and expect the same of your closed ones (although ultimately you’ll support them in whatever they do). There is an appreciation for the finer things in life and when it comes to your loved ones you’re not afraid to spoil them hard. 

👹: Be careful not to let this driving need for stability restrict you from spontaneity and following your heart’s desire. There is an inherent inflexibility in your nature; stubbornness can really be your kryptonite. You don’t really take any opportunities that you think might threaten your security which, while giving you a stable fort, can hold you back in your own happiness + prosperity. You might realise that there is a limit to your perspective but really struggle in seeing outside of that perspective mainly because you spend so much time thinking about what matters to you that you’ve become accustomed to your train of thought (altho when you do break it it’s lowkey groundbreaking). The focus on this house is on stability, not only on material wealth, so while you may be reaping in one aspect you might tend to lack on the spiritual or emotional elements of life. You can be very, very controlling and demanding so you might want to tone it down a little if not people might get the wrong impression. People might think of you as judgemental (and you are tbh) but I believe it’s just 2nd house stellium’s way of assessing a person’s character/abilities. 

3rd house

❤️: You may be a person who puts in a lot of effort into various forms of self-expression (not limited to verbal communication but also finding a specific niche such as music, art, writing etc.) Your brain is naturally sharp and inquisitive and you may be able to pick things up very quickly. You might be rather adaptable but are surprisingly stubborn when it comes to your opinion or intellectual capabilities. You might have a dark/dirty sense of humor and because of that you also have a keen ability to see past the societal nuances of propriety and get to the heart/root of whatever a person is saying. You can spend your entire life trying to understand people and why things work the way they work - your brain needs to be stimulated in order for you to feel alive. Passion for you has to be applied in a productive manner - you probably aren’t a person to just take a passion for something as a mere hobby. Rather, you would either apply that passion to one of your existing projects, create a new one or use it as a motivating factor. Your interests are wide and varied, which makes you really well-rounded in certain aspects! 

👹: Many people say y’all are flighty beings and I can certainly see why they would think so. Because of your perceptiveness, you tend to change your narrative whenever you’re speaking to different people, so as to make yourself sound more convincing. In that aspect, you can be quite manipulative. Your ego probably isn’t the smallest either haha - you can tolerate being slighted at some things but if it’s a challenge to one of your passion projects you’ll probably become very upset. You need to stop giving people the hot and cold shoulder all the time and even though you’re quite sociable you tend to flaunt but hide your true thoughts. You have to be more open and honest in your self-expression, and not that idealised, constructed version of yourself you think people will find interesting. I’ve noticed that 3rd house stellium ppl have an obsessive need to “stand out” and make themselves feel unique which, despite all your charms and popularity, might be the reason why you find yourself sometimes so isolated. You’re a perfectionist (although you would deny it) and secretly quite controlling but unlike other stelliums you can manage it better I feel. 

4th house

❤️: There is a pressing insistence regarding relationships in your inner circle - be it your family, closest friends, or your future family. Extended focus on your cultural heritage can also be possible. Deep down, compassion is at your core and you are very protective of your friends in a silent but aggressive way. Having a stable family life is very important to you but I’ve noticed that more often than not, 4th house stelliums have turbulent family relationships. The beauty of 4th house stelliums is their ability to break through whatever toxic relationships they’ve been in and to create families of their own - be it unconventional or not. They are the epitome of “we choose our own families”. Y’all can be very empathetic and rather selfless to the point where you allow yourself to be manipulated (even though you’re aware of it) - but it’s usually for a justifiable reason. You find it easier than most to balance the emotional landscape but there are moments where you need an outlet to express yourself. There can be an obsession/possessiveness over your own culture - you take pride in your roots and become lowkey insulted when people disrespect it (and if you don’t, you somehow nearly always manage to find some other culture to assimilate yourself in). 

👹: Y’all probably get very upset when things don’t go your way but the problem with this stellium is that there is a want to speak out but you choose to bury everything inside instead - giving you a very passive-aggressive and even aloof image. Internally, you guys might think that you are giving off a very soft/giving aura but some people are wary precisely because you are hard to read. You are very, intensely private (rivalling 2nd/7th house tbh) and you have to learn how to share your true thoughts, no bullshit, no suger-coated thoughts with your family and dearest friends even though you are capable of handling yourself. You are independent, ambitious, and people often underestimate you, but you have to let people in first in order for them to know what you’re capable of! Also, idealisation of certain things (eg. a future family life/partner) can be prevalent and you overthink things to the point where sometimes you make yourself miserable. Again, please talk to someone hahaha you don’t have to deal with everything yourself. 

5th house

❤️:  Insecurity runs rampant in any 5th house stellium BUT y’all are quite paradoxical in a sense that you also have a very strong aura of confidence. Sometimes, in crucial moments, you manage to convince yourself and others that you are the most important person in the room haha - literally the epitome of “fake it till you make it”. Still, a deeply rooted kindness is found in 5th house stelliums such that you’re always looking out for the underdog in the room. If you are developed you probably have a strong sense of righteousness which prompts you to look out for people who might be struggling. Y’all are very concerned about your physical appearance and most of the time you like to keep your body in good shape, which draws the attention of people in the room. You likely have an infectious smile (this is just a hunch but I don’t believe 5th house stelliums smile a lot - y’all quirk your lips or smirk but a true smile is rare so when you do... it melts the hearts of people). Everything that you do will have a youthful flavor and you have a healthy appreciation for downtime/self-care so while you might not (contrary to popular belief) be that fond of kids, kids are attracted to you. Oh and actually I think the stronger this stellium is in a person, the shyer the person seems at first impression but inwardly and as time goes by, they become more humorous and dramatic. 

👹: You aren’t exactly manipulative, but you know how to use the power of suggestion (and your charms) to get what you want. If unchecked, it’ll become a habit because to you, it’s an instinctive thing to do and you might not realise you’re hurting other people because of it. You are stubborn and prideful (which isn’t a bad thing sometimes but) you take criticism quite badly such that if a person tries to offer their opinion or goes against your beliefs, you might take it as a personal attack. You have a fear of being restrained/constricted (like 9th house) so you’re actually quite aggressive to those who you perceive to be a threat to your authority. You can also experience extreme mood swings (from crazy happy/hyper to melancholic in a snap) and when you do you expect people to give you attention. But you are hypocritical in this aspect because you yourself can be quite insensitive to other people’s feelings, or you brush them off if you’re not “in the mood”. 

6th house

❤️: You are most probably quite an organised person, not in a tidy way (although you could be) but in matters of life there’s an insistence on order and structure. The way you think can be very logical - you are able to think concisely and connect the dots in a quick manner and logic is probably prevalent in everything you do. However, in contrast to this pragmatic behavior, you are deeply caring and you won’t think twice to give up something if a loved one needs it. You are very disciplined in certain aspects of life and you are able to maintain a consistent effort in everything that you do. You’re probably someone who finds joy in small things and although you have high standards, it doesn’t take much to make you happy, as long as it’s genuine. You can be a perfectionist and really quite meticulous in your work which makes you someone who is detail-orientated. You give a lot of yourself to other people and most of the time you don’t expect anything in return, which is one of the great things about 6th house stelliums. You take effort into maintaining your physical health and you mighttt be a fitness freak or someone who keeps track of their diet really carefully. It’s likely that you encourage other people to follow your lifestyle and generally, you exert a sort of mellow influence around other people that makes them want to be better. 

👹: There’s a tendency for 6th house stelliums to fall into pessimism, precisely because of your pragmatic nature. Y’all may say that you’re being “realistic” but in actuality it does dampen the spirits of some people. You can also become really unreasonable and inflexible once you’ve made up your mind on something and that makes you a bit narrow minded because you simply refuse to listen to other people’s POV. This can also cause tunnel vision which can really limit your full potential and I think it’s something worth spending your time working on. When pushed into a corner or feeling insecure, y’all might try to cover it up by being condescending or giving the cold shoulder. There’s also a risk of being overly reliant on a schedule/structure and hence, cautiousness when it comes to being spontaneous or embracing something foreign. Because of your affinity towards maintaining health, your hypochondriac tendencies may be exacerbated and you need to try to lessen your over-worrying behaviour haha. Although you never dish out something you can’t receive (eg. high expectations - you’re truly your worst critic), your demanding tone can really make others cautious of you.

OVERALL, I strongly believe that the way to embrace your stelliums isn’t to reject or force yourself to change the values they represent, but rather taking those eccentricities and moulding it into something more precious and beneficial to yourself. It has to be done with a thorough understanding of yourself; with patience. 

-C

#astrology #astro notes #astro observations #1st house stellium #2nd house stellium #3rd house stellium #4th house stellium #5th house stellium #6th house stellium

[battlinghurricanes]

DEIPHOBUS TIME!

I'm honestly not entirely sure how I got such a deeply involved concept for his character and motivations, but I definitely did. I just feel like he fits into an especially interesting place in everything and that there's a lot of great potential with him.

Shout out to @petalveinedwarrior for enabling me and also I'm very sorry for being incredibly long winded. My bad.

Also DISCLAIMER! I am NOT an expert on the Trojan War and all its surrounding mythology lol. This is just for fun, based on my own fairly limited knowledge of the myths (though I think I pretty much cover everything that’s relevant to this). These are just my headcanons woven with some details from various myths. Sorry if anything’s missing or inaccurate!

SO!

-

First and foremost, I headcanon Deiphobus as the oldest of Priam and Hecuba’s children after Hektor.

Hektor calls Deiphobus the dearest of his brothers, and to me, this is why. They are the closest in age and they were the closest growing up, best friends when they were young. They also get the closest to being on equal footing which means a lot to Hektor, who often feels distance between him and his other siblings because of being heir to Troy.

Despite the relatively equal ground and Deiphobus treating Hektor with a very casual familiarity, deep down, he idolizes him. Deiphobus adores and admires Hektor, ever a younger brother in how he looks up to his strength and intelligence and reliability but close enough in age to not feel the same envy as so many of their younger siblings.

Deiphobus is aware that he is next in line to inherit the throne of Troy after Hektor, and the possibility of that is more real to him than to the rest. He doesn’t envy or want the responsibilities Hektor has to bear being the first son and admires him for it rather than resenting him. He never wants the weight of Troy on his shoulders.

Additionally, as close as they are, Hektor confides more openly in Deiphobus than the rest of their siblings. Consequently, he has a more realistic idea of both the burden he bears and also the ways he struggles to manage it like any human would.

Deiphobus holds Hektor in the highest regard- he means the world to him. It is a strange and unique combination of relating to and understanding Hektor exactly as he is and then loving him so dearly for how remarkably he seems to do in all of it, all that Deiphobus adores and strives to be like.

Hektor calls Deiphobus the dearest of his brothers, but Deiphobus would never need to say the same of Hektor, that much has always been obvious.

Deiphobus himself is ferociously loyal, boastful and fiery proud, wild and energetic, and always quick to smile and laugh with a sharp sense of humor. He’ll defend his own with tooth and nail, Hektor first and foremost, and they make a well balanced pair. Hektor’s level headed sense of responsibility softens many of Deiphobus’s rough edges, and Deiphobus’s enthusiasm breaks through many of Hektor’s more anxiously formed reservations.

Deiphobus would do near anything for Hektor, to a concerning degree in the eyes of some, but Hektor, by his nature, isn't overly controlling. He doesn't want Deiphobus to change how he is. Mostly, the only place Hektor truly pushes him is on moral grounds, for better rather than for worse.

Deiphobus hates to spend time overthinking anything, which benefits him in some ways, but also frequently has him following the example of those around him without considering what might lean towards cruelty. Hektor never tolerates hurtful and needless rudeness or otherwise, and their friendship doesn’t spare Deiphobus his reprimands.

Hektor's needling, though, has him step back and reexamine his actions and the second look is generally what he needs to correct his missteps. Admittedly, he’ll sometimes act better in some way solely to please Hektor, but far more often than not, he’ll come to recognize why it’s best with time and continue that way from his own compulsion.

(He grows and his conscience sounds irritatingly like Hektor.)

Deiphobus is actually one of the best of his siblings at not holding a grudge. He might for drama or humor’s sake, but once a squabble is past, he’ll easily set it aside in favor of having fun with whoever he fought with.

Regardless of his flaws, Deiphobus is amiable and of the opinion that it’s never worth passing up a good time over some pettiness. He’s never one to ignore the value of little joys, no matter how fleeting they are.

Before the war, when he is still younger, there is Antheus. He’s the pretty son of Antenor, and both Deiphobus and Paris are quite taken with him. Paris’s involvement rubs him the wrong way, but he elects to ignore it as best he can. It doesn’t sit right to consider policing Antheus’s actions. He can hardly demand he stop seeing Paris while still insisting on his company, after all.

Besides, he can’t really complain. Antheus favors him with his presence often, laughing at his jokes, stealing off his plate when they share meals, tumbling with him when they wrestle. And when Antheus lifts his hand to idly toy with his lower lip as he smiles slyly at him, Paris is the last thing on Deiphobus’s mind.

Hektor teases him sometimes when he turns up ruffled from some exchange turned overzealous, but his flustered frustration pales in comparison to his excitement, so Hektor gets away with it. Oh, he loves Antheus and the feeling is so heady, better than the most potent wine.

Then it all shatters when some men rush into the palace with Antheus’s limp body carried between them. He was in the gymnasium with Paris, they learn. One throw from Paris with a warped discus and Antheus was gone. Deiphobus stares at the blood soaked in his lovely hair.

Deiphobus is ready to rip Paris apart, but when his brother is guided in after, there’s just no room for it. He’s in complete hysterics, shaking all over as he hyperventilates, and screaming would have gotten through to him no more than their family’s vain attempts to calm him down.

Paris is inconsolable afterwards. He retreats in on himself, though without any attempt to defend himself, first to give himself the blame. He makes for a pitiful sight, and at first, Deiphobus can’t stand being in his presence at all, to take his anger and grief out on him or otherwise.

It doesn’t take that long for Deiphobus’s anger to grow more painful than cathartic anyway and, well, it is hard to lash out at someone acting exactly how he feels. He feels the same heartbreak and pain he sees in Paris and he can’t find it in himself to rage against him when he’d rather just sit and cry himself.

Paris does take it upon himself to face Deiphobus after a time and claim responsibility for what happened that day. Deiphobus doesn’t forgive him, doing that feels... off, but he manages to convey that he won’t turn on him for the accident with Antheus. He thinks that might make Paris feel better but he can’t truly tell.

It all still hurts then, even as they try to get things to settle. Nothing but more time can do anything more to heal those wounds.

And time passes and then Paris returns from Sparta with Helen, and, well.

The brewing war doesn’t drive a rift between Deiphobus and Hektor, but it does force a new distance between them. The pressure on Hektor spikes and never eases, and the time he has to spare becomes exceedingly rare.

Much of the time the two would have spent for themselves together now shifts to working together to manage the complications that come with this new conflict; Deiphobus has new responsibilities to shoulder himself. More work, less play, but the mutual affection and respect between them remains just as strong as before.

Deiphobus can’t help but feel a certain bitterness over having the casual companionship of his brother taken away from him, but he does all he can to set it aside. He refuses to let it be another source of stress for Hektor, so often too caring for his own good, and he doesn’t hold it against him anyway.

As always, Deiphobus remains aware that these tasks could easily have been his and, privately, he feels woefully inadequate in the face of that possibility. And truly, it just serves to make Hektor even greater in his eyes, handling it all with grace he can’t imagine. He knows he’s not perfect, yet still, it’s hard to imagine that anything could ever truly bring Hektor down.

And so, Deiphobus helps his brother in the ways he can and loves him as ever, always ready and eager to fight at his side.

Deiphobus leads a contingent himself, and does it well. It comes easier to him to manage a smaller group like that. He does as directed and guides his men through the fighting. One can say what they will about his ability to lead, but his capability as a warrior is undeniable.

Things shift between Deiphobus and Paris as well. Much of Troy turns on Paris, some faster than others. Deiphobus ignores the greater dramatics which, in his opinion, help nothing. Still, it is often tempting to berate him for his flippant disregard of the battles so he does, which is, admittedly, not entirely unwarranted.

However, Deiphobus and Paris share a mutual, unspoken understanding that they simply cannot focus on the war at all times. Sometimes it must be set aside. This is more often true to Paris than to Deiphobus, but that invites Deiphobus to keep Paris’s company when he can no longer bear all the stress.

In turn, when Deiphobus approaches him like that, Paris can trust not to be reprimanded as he so often is, as that gets ignored along with the rest of it. So there are times during the war where the two can be found together affably, chatting about nothing important. Their personalities can still mesh in such moments.

And, well, it’s shocking how steady things can stay over nine years of war, but they do. Death and loss become far too familiar companions, but they can do nothing but keep fighting through that, and things proceed much as they have been.

Until, of course, Achilles.

With all the cruelty of fate, it of course follows after they get the closest to driving away the Achaeans as they ever have. Such a brief, amazing hope. In his unmatched fury, Achilles slaughters their soldiers, butchers many of his brothers, escapes Scamander’s rage through the grace of the gods, and drives the army behind Troy’s wall with his advance, except for-

Then-

Hektor is dead.

Deiphobus tastes blood in his throat screaming at the sight behind the chariot.

In a way, it’s a blessing that it takes twelve days to get Hektor’s body and another twelve to bury it. With his death, command of Troy and her allies has passed to Deiphobus, and he could barely lead his own horse after losing Hektor, much less an army.

Deiphobus falls to pieces. He can barely process it, losing the one he held in the highest regard, held every confidence in, believed in to his core. Hektor was the best of all of them and now he’s dead, leaving him shattered. Deiphobus is hysterical, wildly heartbroken.

In this time is when Priam first turns on his remaining sons. He lashes out at them as he prepares to ransom Hektor’s corpse, degrading them as the most worthless of his sons. Still half blind with tears of grief he can’t hold back, he thinks that it’s true in the same moment he thinks of how he will now have to take Hektor’s place, worthless ruin though he is.

Most often, Priam refrains from speaking of his remaining sons after that, and in rare, fleeting heartbeats he almost seems contrite over cursing them. Neither is enough though to keep him from savagely reproaching them in unpredictable instances as Troy continues to spiral towards its doom. Deiphobus shakily chokes down his father’s abuse without a word.

Of course, he returns to the battlefield once Hektor is buried, coming to truly learn the crushing weight of his new role. How did his brother bear this? Every day feels like one failure after another; he’s not strong enough, not smart enough to do this. He tries anyway, each day more taxing than the last.

Deiphobus can hardly bear Paris after Hektor’s death. A large part of him hates him for it, desperate to pin the blame on someone despite knowing deep down that he’s not responsible. Though, even then, part of him is drawn to Paris, broken same as him, shaped by a sort of desperation to grieve for their brother with him. Misery loves company.

His anger burns hotter, but now he can’t bring himself to berate him even in the way he did sometimes before all this. He never confronts him with his hatred, such that it is. He simply avoids Paris entirely, knowing that if he indulges in the impulse to curse him for what happened to Hektor, he would fall apart at the seams.

Even now he can’t face the truth of what happened and keep going. It is all he can do to try never to think about it.

And then, with the aid of Lord Apollo, Paris kills Achilles.

The undecided limbo of Deiphobus’s feelings towards Paris topples into something like affection the moment he hears of it, connecting them once more. Paris has destroyed Hektor’s murderer, avenging him, and that matters to Deiphobus more than anything else.

That night, the two of them drink together until it half kills them, close enough to keep knocking shoulders as they revile Achilles with the worst profanities they know. It’s the only celebration they can muster after everything, but they’re both laughing for the first time since they lost him.

(When the night grows damnably late, Deiphobus’s attempt to laugh turns into retching and Paris collapses to the ground when he tries to get up to help. They suffer the agonizing morning together.)

They make a strange pair from then on. Friendship would be a generous word given the still unavoidable tension between them, but they somehow manage to maneuver around that and share a certain closeness. They maintain it despite differences that grind against each other. Sad as it is, it’s one of the only things either of them have left.

Paris and Deiphobus also weather Priam’s spontaneous tirades together. Usually wordlessly, but there is something to be said for the company of someone enduring the same pain you are. It is a quiet solidarity, but a significant one.

They talk of the war far more often now. Every day it devours more and more of their lives, always harder and harder to ignore or set aside. On rare occasions, they do still manage it. Those conversations make for a breath of fresh air, though that does little to stave off the feeling of drowning.

And then Paris takes a poisoned arrow and dies.

Deiphobus doesn’t wail and sob in the same way he did for Hektor. He’s too numb for it now. It hurts in an unnatural, distant sort of way. All he can muster is a ugly, stilted feeling of shame for letting himself come to care for him in the first place. Of course he would die like the rest, he should know this by now. He crumbles further.

After Paris’s loss, there's only two reasonable options for what to do with Helen. Either they need to return her to Menelaus or arrange a new marriage and keep her in Troy.

Helen pleads to be returned to her first husband but Deiphobus competes with Helenus to be the one who weds her. Troy does not stop them. There is a quiet but tangible tension to the city and he doesn’t think their people would tolerate Helen departing. He competes with everything he has left and he wins. And they marry.

That first night, Helen stares at his back while sitting in her new place on his bed. She expected to be treated like a piece of meat, a feeling she's grown well used to through living her life under the eyes of men, but he's barely even looking at her. He fought for her hand with an undeniable, feral sort of desperation. What was it for if he doesn't even want her?

"Why?" she asks him. "Why bother going through every effort to marry me only to be so cold now? What do you want?" Her voice would cut razor sharp if only she wasn't so tired.

He turns to face her with bloodshot eyes narrowed in a glare, riddled with barely restrained anger and grief. "I'm not letting you leave," he forces out and Helen pushes down the urge to scoff because that much is obvious.

"It has to be worth something," he continues. "There has to be something we fought for. If we just let you go back, then it won't have been worth jack shit." He paces, not looking at her again. "I won't allow that. Don't think you can avoid all this so easily now that Paris is gone. There has to be a point. My brother is dead because of this shit! If you're gone, then what would be the fucking point?!"

His brother. He means Hektor. He means Paris. He means every last one of them, so many dead. He means Hektor.

Helen doesn't reply. There is nothing she can say to that. For all that it doesn't make a difference, what he's laid before her is something she knows well. She's spent so long now berating herself and blaming herself for all that's come to pass and she understands. She hates this, all she wants is to go home, but she understands him.

She knows that they both hate each other and themselves all in equal measure. What a wretched pair they make, Helen thinks.

Not that they make much of a pair at all. They're rarely ever together. Deiphobus camps outside whenever he can, and when he can’t, he goes out of his way to avoid her. Helen accepts it as the best she can expect from the truly miserable situation this has become. The war drags on, but the truth hangs in the air that Troy is losing.

Then the horse.

The people, starving so desperately for peace, bring it inside the walls. Deiphobus tries to be cautious. He tries to think of what Hektor would have done. He commands Helen to walk around the horse, calling out in the voices of the Achaeans' wives. If there's some wretched spy or invader, let them show themselves. He'll kill them.

No one answers. Deep down just as desperate for peace as them all, he breathes a sigh of relief and leaves the damn horse.

He hopes the Achaeans filled their mouths with blood, biting their tongues as hard as they must have.

Troy is burning. The Achaeans fill the streets with slaughter; they are everywhere. Reunited with her husband after so, so long, Helen tells Menelaus where Deiphobus is. And so, Deiphobus dies alongside Troy.

(Deiphobus and Hektor meet again in the Underworld and Deiphobus tries to apologize for his failure to keep Troy safe. Hektor will hear none of it, refusing any of the anger he has every right to put on him. Still, a long time passes where Deiphobus silently and anxiously wonders if that was a lie, if Hektor truly does hate him for what happened.

Hektor keeps throwing him tense, unsettled glances sometimes when he thinks he’s not looking, even though he never says a thing. Each one worms further and further underneath his skin and he starts to squirm under the conviction that he’s done something wrong. Something Hektor holds against him.

When it finally grows so unbearable that Deiphobus confronts him about it at last, Hektor flinches and doesn’t disguise his fear and upset. Deiphobus braces himself. But then, mangled in with confusing, ashamed apologies, Hektor recounts for the first time how he died.

Athena luring him to his death in Deiphobus’s shape, speaking in his voice. How he turned to face Achilles believing he had support. When he called for a spear from his brother, he was alone.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I think of it at all, I’m so sorry I let you believe I was angry with you because of it. I’m not, it had nothing to do with you, you shouldn’t have to know of it at all. I just- remember it sometimes. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Deiphobus feels nauseous. Hektor looks even more so.

“If I had actually been there-”

“No! Don’t do this. Achilles would have just killed you too.”

“We wouldn’t have died alone, then.”

They clutch at each other, these battered remnants of their souls, carrying with them the wounds of their lives.)

#the iliad #deiphobus #hektor #hector of troy #paris of troy #and misc others i wont tag lol #trojan war #greek mythology #my writing #goal: make everyone else have thoughts and feelings about deiphobus too #hes my randomly selected emotional support child of priam #and hes perfect for my favorite thing #weird little character studies #hopefully this was at least somewhat interesting to read #its been a long time since ive done a post like this #an unsurprisingly it is way too long lol #sometimes it really is just all or nothing with my headcanons #i also think about the version where achilles is going to marry polyxena and deiphobus grabs him while paris stabs him in the back #inchresting

[bellsyafterdark]

well. the most recent episode sure was. Something!

I’m ignoring it in favor of thinking abt din nesting cause. holy shit I love it. I really love how you’ve written it too, the other anon said it well; there’s so much emotion in ur writing and it’s. Ahg it’s so good. Din never got the chance to learn abt his instincts. he doesn’t understand why he nests, probably thinks it’s a sign of weakness or something.

so the fact that he has a hidden nest (one he’s SO careful abt hiding. he knows the rancor would keep anyone from seeing it, or he thought that) and the fact that the pack finds it? After the whole mess went down? and now he’s back, and he doesn’t know where they all stand, and oh no oh no they found his nest. the one he isn’t supposed to have (because he doesn’t need a nest! he’s fine! he has his armor and his weapons and his ship. he’s ok) and they moved it? To a closet? there’s only one way in. it’s not a small room, sure, but there’s only one door. and all the scents are so much. Boba is there, and Din is Terrified abt what it means. He doesn’t want to mess things up even more. he doesn’t understand.It’s so good, i love it. it breaks my heart but I also really like it, getting to see a glimpse into his character and his thoughts and conceptions of omegas etc.

Boba hates himself for all of it. missing the signs. Not explicitly explaining things. and seeing Din try to fight Paz to escape Boba is almost too much. He’s doing his best to keep his scent under control, but he knows he reeks of guilt guilt sadness pain fear He’s gotta be strong, for Din. To fix this. But seeing Din try to get away. i think that nearly breaks him.

This is what kills Boba as he obsesses over where he went wrong.

He missed the signs and he only recognises them when he allows himself to open up and talk with Paz and Fennec (before they leave to follow Din); to the modders because they're too young and foolish to keep their opinions to themselves and as the closest things to foundlings of his own, they let Boba have it; to Krrsantan when he goes back to the wookie who started it all and learns how much the enforcer took Din aside for quiet solitude more and more in the weeks leading to his departure; to Garsa when he wanders into her sanctuary one evening not quite knowing why, and ends up invited into her back office for the first time and finds himself a new confidante.

There were signs... and he missed them because, like an ill-fitted suit, he played to his role instead of his true character. He compromised his own values from fear. He doesn't like the person he became.

If nothing else, if Din would see him, he hoped that one day he'd have the opportunity to tell Din he's sorry.

He did not anticipate his heart could break any further watching Din bolt and stumble over himself to get away from Boba as though certain the man would hurt him. The pure terror in his scent makes Boba internally keen. He deserves the door locked in his face. It still hurts worse than the acid-eating flesh of his near and recent death.

Instead, he weathers the expectant stares of his other mates (who by some miracle have not resigned him yet). He steels his voice with confidence he does not feel and tests the name he's not dared to speak in weeks.

"Din." By benevolent miracle, his throat does not tighten, relinquishing the name he can no longer claim to honour. He swallows back tears. "Sweetheart. We need to talk."

#ball and chain au #pazbobadinfennec

[gureishi]

I love reading your opinions on Saeyoung! I know I’ve thought about this in regards to Zen so I’m curious what your headcanons are in regards to Saeyoung’s future relationships post game with each member of the RFA and Vanderwood??

Ohhhh, thank you for this wonderful question, dear Lea! The characters’ relationships with one another vary so much depending on the route and the timeline. Even though it makes me sad (because of the glaring absence of one beloved character), I’ll write these for the SE timeline.

Headcanon: Saeyoung’s relationships with RFA+Vanderwood post-game

Yoosung

Saeyoung and Yoosung’s relationship is endlessly fascinating to me. They’re close—they’d both tell you that, if you asked—but their friendship in the game is actually very surface-level. Saeyoung keeps Yoosung at arm’s-length, and Yoosung honestly has too much going on in his own head to devote much energy to trying to break down those walls.

The fight they have toward the end of Saeyoung’s route is a huge turning point for both of them. Yoosung is genuinely hurt to learn that his friend had never planned on sticking around, and Saeyoung is surprised to find that anybody actually cares enough to be mad about it. He never really thought too hard about what would happen if (when) he inevitably had to disappear from his friends’ lives—but when he did think about it, he honestly didn’t think he’d be missed.

It is a huge deal that Yoosung gets mad, because it shows Saeyoung that his existence has had an impact on people. It’s after this conversation with Yoosung that Saeyoung tells you he’s willing to try and open up to you, too; Yoosung is the one who shows him that there is value in letting another person become close to you.

Later, I am absolutely certain that they are able to develop a real friendship: one that’s grounded in trust and mutual understanding. When you’re living in the bunker with Saeyoung and Saeran, if there is one member of the RFA who’s showing up unannounced with a backpack full of sweets and a big grin on his face—it’s Yoosung.

Jaehee

Jaehee needs to feel secure in her understanding of the things and people around her. She likes to be able to think to herself, “oh, here is why this person behaves this way.” And it’s for this reason that Saeyoung drives her absolutely crazy.

She respects him, of course—but begrudgingly, because he is an anomaly, a little piece of chaos in her perfectly-ordered world.

It is your love for him that allows her to wrap her mind around his peculiar existence—because Jaehee cares deeply for you (almost immediately), and she recognizes the look you get in your eyes when you talk about him. She may not understand him (or even want to)—but she understands about love.

Jaehee and Saeyoung are never going to be best friends. But in this timeline, Jaehee is one of your dearest friends—and for you, they will both try. Jaehee will make honey butter cookies for his birthday, and she’ll smile softly when she sees the look of utter delight on his face. He’ll ask her to bring him her laptop, and she’ll complain as he sweeps it from her hands—but when he returns it to her working ten times better than it ever did before, she’ll clasp his hands in hers, her eyes shining.

If she ever gets around to opening her cafe in this timeline—and I’d like to believe that she does—you and Saeyoung will go in often. He’ll annoy her by doodling cat faces on all the napkins—but he’ll always tip her 200% of the bill.

Zen

In this timeline, Zen immediately takes you in as a sort of younger sibling (yes, even if you’re older than him), and he's ready to go to battle for you, if he needs to. Like Jaehee, he feels almost instantly that you are someone special. He doesn’t quite understand why—but he knows that he wants to keep you safe.

A consequence of this protectiveness, of course, is that he becomes very suspicious of Saeyoung. He’s never trusted him (and for good reason: Saeyoung may be trustworthy, but 707 is anything but). Zen is worried that you won’t be safe with Saeyoung—and he’s not entirely wrong.

But: when Saeyoung reveals his real name, Zen is one of the first to use it—and he uses it repeatedly. Every time I play the Secret Ends, and the Vday DLC, I am hyper-aware that Zen is making a massive effort to call Saeyoung by the right name. And this speaks volumes to me.

If you let Zen in—even just a little—he will accept all of you (and he’ll do it with his whole heart). Zen understands what it means to feel like you don’t belong anywhere—to hide your true self behind a mask of pretense and positivity—to become someone else so you don’t have to look too closely at who you really are.

No matter which timeline we’re in, Zen’s success is going to skyrocket—so he’s not going to be around all the time. But when he is, it’s a party: these are the times that the whole RFA gets together again (and if you listen closely, you’ll hear the way he speaks to Saeyoung now—like he actually admires him. The feeling is mutual).

Jumin

This timeline is one of the roughest for Jumin, without a doubt.

The game doesn’t show us how deeply he is grieving—but he is. He has lost the two people who have ever made him feel comfortable in his own skin, and he no longer has anyone he can turn to. I’m not gonna sugar-coat it and say that everybody’s happy in this ending: they’re not, and even months (years) later, Jumin is suffering.

But here’s the thing: Jumin’s not the only one who loved Jihyun.

It takes Saeyoung time to sort through the complicated feelings he has for Jihyun, after everything that’s happened. He doesn’t forgive him right away—and even as he mourns him, he’s angry, too. But time passes.

I imagine that there comes a day—weeks or months or even years later—that Saeyoung and Jumin find themselves talking to each other about the person they both loved. Perhaps they are in Jihyun’s apartment, sorting through his things—or they find themselves alone together at a group event and—at last—one of them acknowledges the grief that permeates the negative space between them.

Jihyun leaves a gaping hole in both of their lives that nothing can fill. But I’d like to think that an understanding develops between them: they may never completely get one another, and it’s okay that they don’t. There is a deep and unwavering affection there—the kind of mysterious and unbreakable bond you only feel for someone who has become your family.

Vanderwood

In my personal post-SE timeline, Vanderwood sticks around for a while to help the twins deal with their father. I’ve written about it a bit (in my Human Again series): if they are able to find the records Jihyun was keeping about Saejoong, it would not be too difficult for them to take him down in this timeline. He has no leverage, here. With the brothers working together, they can expose him—and then, of course, they can really be free.

But Vanderwood doesn’t stick around forever—they wouldn’t want to. They have a whole life outside of taking care of Saeyoung; they have a hometown, and possibly even people there who are waiting for them.

But at least once a year—and never with any notice—Vanderwood shows up at your home. "Just wanted to see with my own eyes that the kid actually managed to keep himself alive,” they’ll say—and they’ll grunt and roll their eyes and maybe blush a little when you throw your arms around them and thank them for being the reason he stayed alive as long as he did.

Vanderwood really respects you, because when you tell Saeyoung to be quiet or sit down or clean up after himself, he does it. They respect you, too, for your bravery and your strength and your resilience.

Neither one of them will ever admit it, but for a long time, Saeyoung and Vanderwood really did only have each other.

You’ll invite them to your wedding, of course. They won’t RSVP—but they’ll be there.

Saeran

I could write a literal novel about their relationship in this timeline and how it develops (and ummm maybe eventually I will), but I’ll try and keep this brief.

SE Saeran is so very tired. It takes time—so much time, exponentially more than the game shows us—for him to even begin to feel comfortable living in his brother’s home. He is physically sick, for a long time, as a result of the drugs he was being fed and the torture he was enduring. There isn’t enough space for forgiveness: there is barely enough space for living at all.

There’s no one moment when the two of them start to feel like brothers again: love and hate are so much more complicated than that. And Saeran has had no agency in his life; every choice has been made for him—his newfound “freedom” doesn’t feel like freedom at all. He feels he has been shuffled from one cage to another: his brother’s horrible, windowless home is no different.

But it is the small things: walking in the grass outside the bunker and feeling the sun on his skin; the way you speak to him, like you trust him; the annoying way Saeyoung follows him around, wide-eyed, trying far too hard to win him over—gradually, he begins to feel that he has a home, after all.

In this timeline, I do believe that all three of you keep on living together for the rest of your lives. You certainly don’t stay in the bunker forever—but when you move, you do it together.

And what’s most important here, of course, is that Saeran chooses this. It is perhaps one of the first choices that he makes for himself—and it sneaks up on him, taking him by surprise one day: he wants to keep on living together.

And this—living with his brother in a home that’s warm and full of love—is the only thing Saeyoung has ever wished for.

#mystic messenger #saeyoung choi #707 #headcanons #asks #quirky-and-kind #fwends 🥺 #post-game relationships #se timeline

[keyofjetwolf]

Oh boo-hoo, darkness, get over yourself, or, Rei Hino: Comfort Lesbian

We’ve been building to this for the past several episodes now, this moment where we finally get confirmation of all the turmoil Ami is feeling, about Usagi and about Naru and, especially, about herself. All of which is delicious and complex and everything I wanted but could hardly believe they’d give us. It’s not a good look for Ami! It’s angry and lonely and uncertain!

Ami especially, I think moreso than any other character across Sailor Moon iterations (character who actually gets screen/page time, anyway) is boiled until she’s lost most of her flavour. I think the anime tries hardest, but often replaces “the smart one” stereotypes for “the nice one” and calls it a day. For whatever reason, it’s like Ami’s an action figure they’re afraid to take out of the box because they might get her dirty and diminish her value.

Not PGSM, though. PGSM is just “AW YEAH LET’S PLAY” and pitched everyone in a mud puddle.

I AM ALIVE

I’ve talked about this again and again, how much SENSE this makes for Ami. Completely ostracized for her entire life, she’s got her first taste of what it means to not be alone, and she’s hooked. Usagi is like a drug for Ami, she’s the entire focal point for everything positive Ami’s feeling, and she’s terrified that without Usagi, she’ll go back to the way things used to be, and she CAN’T, she just can’t.

And she needn’t be! PGSM has gone out of its way throughout the series so far in showing us how much Ami has already grown and changed for the better. Fuck, look at just this scene! There’s something wonderful and precious about the bond between Ami and Rei. They’re each other’s first friend that they made THEMSELVES, using the things that they learned through their friendship with Usagi. Ami has reached out to Rei more than once, able to see through her stoicism and bluster and navigate through it (versus, say, Usagi just flat out ignoring it). She allows Rei to keep those defenses while still reaching for her, making Rei that much more willing to reach back.

Rei also sees Ami. She’s never been smitten a day in her life, and Rei isn’t inclined to throw every little questionable thing into the spin cycle until it comes out gleaming and perfect. Ami’s weird and awkward, but so what? She’s a good person, and she tries. Every single time Rei would rather deal with someone who tries too hard rather than not enough.

They can do this. AMI can do this. She HAS. Even in this scene, where she’s confessing to Rei, it’s abundantly clear how much stock she puts in Rei’s opinion. Particularly BECAUSE it’s Rei (really, it had to be Rei), who wouldn’t even know where to start trying to give someone an insincere platitude, Ami trusts what she says, and at no point in any of this, even at her lowest and most intense self-hating, does Ami think Rei isn’t her friend. The problem is that Ami has pinned so much on Usagi, and so little on herself. Usagi is the keystone; pull her out, and it all collapses.

Again, all of my love to PGSM for going here. For looking at Ami, really thinking about how broken her life would have made her, and being willing to follow that thread. She confirmed -- directly, in the text, by her own words -- everything I hoped we were building to.

INCLUDING THIS SORRY BRB HAVE TO RUN AROUND THE OFFICE SCREAMING AGAIN

There’s so much going on, Ami is having a fuck of a day, but this is perhaps the thing she’s most upset about: the realization that she might just be kind of a shitty person. There’s been nothing in Ami’s life that would have even hinted she could be like this. Hell, there’s basically BEEN nothing in Ami’s life before now. But here it is, she finally gets something worthwhile, and this is how she acts? No wonder she went without friends this long, if this is who she is. Usagi was just wonderful enough to try and see past it, that’s all, which only makes Ami feel even worse for “deceiving her”. God, what a beautiful inescapable spiral Ami’s built for herself, I’m almost impressed.

REI HINO IS NOT IMPRESSED

HHHHRNRNNNRRNGGGHHHGNNNNGHHHRR

SHE’S SO NOT HERE FOR ANY OF AMI’S BULLSHIT. Not the deep dark confession, not Ami eating herself up over it all. Ami’s barely started, and Rei’s already had enough.

Sidebar to say how much I fucking LOVE how they shoot all this. Rei’s angry stomp slicing across the camera, interrupting Ami’s efforts to drown herself in all this. Her angry clenched fist (A REI HINO FAVOURITE), the way the camera rises as it follow’s Rei’s towering presence. She carries so much authority in this scene, you can FEEL her and how little she is going to put up with all this. The way Ami gazes up at her, too, once again giving Rei all the power between them. It remains to be seen how much of this will stick, but what’s clear is that Ami will listen to Rei, and believe her, even if just for this moment.

The way Rei completely brushes all of Ami’s angst away though, AAAAAHHHHH I DIDN’T KNOW I COULD LOVE HER MORE BUT SHE ALWAYS MANAGES TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE ME. Ami’s completely undone by this, and Rei’s just “Psshh, whatever, this is entry level ‘dark’, get over yourself.”

But she also makes it an invitation. “Congrats! You’re human.” Ami’s sin here, if she could be said to have one, is in not dealing with it all very well, and she’s basically an emotional newborn, so even there, it’s understandable.

One of the best things about this, though, is how Rei is meeting Ami on much the same level Ami connected with Rei. Not ignoring how they feel, nor dismissing it, just accepting it and moving forward. We STILL don’t know why Rei was so bothered about going to that guy’s house to protect his not-the-ginzuishou, but Ami didn’t chase down the why or convince Rei it wasn’t a problem, she simply offered to go in her stead. Here, Rei doesn’t insist Ami is the purest pure snowflake gumdrop who would never think a bad thought in her life, she just says “Bitch, you ain’t special.” Usagi’s all-inclusive love is wonderful, and I don’t doubt the power of its constant dopamine hit, but it’s also in so many ways unrealistic and impractical (much like Usagi herself), and once again, I tip my hat to PGSM for being the ONLY Sailor Moon incarnation willing to go there for its main character, too.

(I don’t know if PGSM had a mission statement, but you could tell me it was “Each and every one of these girls is fascinating and wonderful AND DEEPLY FLAWED” and I would just nod in emphatic agreement.)

What about Rei’s darkness? I don’t know! THANK YOU FOR ADDING IN A BARELY RELATED MYSTERY. The specifics aren’t important right now, and maybe never will be. It’s Rei, she’s a constant bubbling cauldron of stewing rage, even here in PGSM where she’s able to keep it to a low simmer. It could be about her mother’s death, all the gossipy assholes, her father’s everything. It could be Usagi bumping into her this morning, IT COULD BE ALL OF THESE.

The point is, Rei knows all about thinking and feeling some negative shit at someone, but she also knows there’s a difference between what you feel and what you DO. You can’t truly be part of life and never fuck up, it’s just not possible.

AND NOW HERE’S WHERE REI SHOWS HOW MUCH SHE’S CHANGING TOO. Her point made, her lecture done, Rei peers down at Ami and sees that it’s just not working the way she wants. Rather than lose her temper, or double down, or wash her hands and walk away, she instead CHANGES TACTICS.

She doesn’t demand Ami immediately bounce to her feet, instead she drops down to Ami. She stops lecturing and tries comforting. NONE of this is natural for Rei, all of it goes against the kind of person she is and always strives to be. Slowly but surely though, Rei’s learning that her way is not the only way, and to temper her impulses.

WHO KNEW WE WOULD GET SUCH JUICY DEVELOPMENT FOR REI IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THIS AMI GOODNESS WHO AMONG US COULD HAVE PREPARED FOR THE BOUNTY

Still though, Rei is Rei is my beautiful ridiculous marmoset Rei.

Blessed, friends. I am blessed this day.

#JW watches PGSM #pgsm ep 16 #HI HELLO I HAD A LOT OF FEELINGS #a novel by jet wolf #jet wolf loves rei hino

[aliensunflower-fics]

In Defense of Salt AND Sugar: Aka ML Fandom pls chill out.

So I don’t talk much as those who follow me will say I tend to just stick to myself and my own things. HOWEVER, Ive gotten a lot of asks about why I write both Salt and Sugar for Miraculous Ladybug.

The short answer: Both salt and sugar are valid, fun, intriguing things to read and write and the point of writing is to entertain and be entertained.

The long answer: Salt isn’t inherently someone hating on your fav show and sugar isn't someone necessarily giving it a free pass either. Ya’ll are just dramatic as hell.

The LONGER answer:

I write salt because I LIKE Miraculous Ladybug, BUT the show has not lived up to its potential AT ALL. The show could be so much better and the characters are so flawed or full of holes that occasionally I feel FRUSTRATED and mad!

I hate that Alya a character who I was so excited about, gets shafted ignored, sidelined, or written like a jerk! She could have been this great detective working alongside her friend to unmask the villain, but instead she often comes across as pushy, obsessed with Ladynoir or Adrinette, and so damn easily tricked. Not to mention how when shes not gushing over her ‘ships’ shes pushed to the side and ignored. [or you know... LILA]

I hate that Marinette’s crush makes her do things that are so cringy and awkward i feel ill I hate that she’s constantly the only one making mistakes and ‘learning lessons’ when the show has all these other great characters that could use the spotlight and be the ones learning lessons. I hate that she’s so jealous and that she cant ever seem to catch a break as if the show is punishing her constantly.

I HATE that Adrien is a mary sue, how the writers say hes perfect and treat him as such, I hate that he gets to guilt Marinette into fixing everything and dealing with bullies, I wanted a funny, Ron Stoppable, naive boy who learns about real friendships and grows into a great partner. Instead he gets to be pushy and downright a jerk as Chat Noir ignoring his responsibilities, guilting Ladybug with his feelings, never taking no as an answer. He’s not a good role model for kids.

I hate that Chloe got built up to have a redemption arc several times only for the writers to decide that Chloe a teenage girl who needs some serious therapy [and actual reasonable punishment for her actions] is worse than Gabriel child abuse Agreste. She could have been a great lesson on compassion and growth and dealing with your own pain without hurting others. Instead the writers wrote her off completely.

And dont get me started on how the show treats Nino, Kagami, Luka and the rest of the cast. They may as well be a backdrop for the forced love square that we NEVER get a break from. Seriously I’m a sucker for romance but does it need to be EVERY damn episode?! Can’t we just get some wholesome friendship between everyone including Adrien and Marinette at this point like COME ON.

And i’m not even touching on the white washing, awful lessons on responsibility and forgiveness, awful lessons on well so much other stuff really, the guilt trips, the teacher, the fact that she show could be used to teach kids how to better handle negative emotions and the importance of open communication and not keeping quiet about injustice and/or your feelings but instead decided that the main priority should be a love square that gets force fed to us EVERY SINGLE EPISODE.

My point is the show has FLAWS. That doesn’t mean its the worse show ever and it doesn’t mean its not fun, and has a great premise and characters, and so when I write Salt I write it because i’m frustrated! Im frustrated with the show, with the characters, with the writing and so I vent that out with salt I write those characters as their worst selves because I cant stand how the show has decided to treat them and Im ANGRY and disappointed.

It feels good to write salt and to read it. It’s nice to see characters get called out for bad behavior, its nice to read about Adrien not getting the girl. Its nice to occasionally indulge in salt because it validates that the show is flawed and lets you get out that frustration.

BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE

Miraculous Ladybug is a lovely show. It’s a show that decided to give little girls a FEMALE HERO. And not just as a side kick or background character! No they made her the protagonist! Its so important to me that little girls see good well rounded female characters in media.

And even if the show is clumsy about it they are TRYING to build an expansive lore that tickles the theorist brain. And gets people invested in the world.

The show also made Marinette shy, and awkward, and clumsy something a lot of girls deal with during puberty as growing up can literally make you clumsier as your body adjusts. Having a character who tries to be positive and tries to find solutions who solves things with creativity instead of pure violence. Thats LOVELY for young girls to see.

Growing up I loved and admired Kim Possible, and probably would have loved Marinette, even if the shows not perfect I can admit its trying and I can see why people love it as much as they do! And why they write these fluffy sugary fics its the reason I WRITE fluffy sugary things.

Because even though I am frustrated and angry and disappointed with the show, I still see Alya’s potential and how great she is as representation to little girls who want a black female superhero so I write fluff where Alya’s loyalty, compassion, cleverness and her pursuit of justice are center stage.

I see how Adrien could be better and I want him to be better and I WANT him to be the naive funny comic relief the Ron Stoppable to Marinette’s Kim Possible. I want Adrien to grow and learn and spit in his dad’s face I want him to overcome the abuse and be happy. To show people that neglect and abuse doesn’t mean you will get stuck like that forever, that you can overcome that and be a better kinder person.

I want Nino and Kagami, and Luka and Chloe and the class to grow and get attention and have funny moments I want to laugh and make other people laugh! So I write prompts focused around comedy and shenanigans and where the characters get to be fun and silly and make decisions for themselves!

SO IN CONCLUSION:

I write salt AND sugar. I see the value and merit in both sides of the coin, and I respect how other people see the show. I know its easy to get angry with other people in the fandom who see the show differently then you do but please can we put down the weapons and just BREATHE.

Someone who writes salt might LOVE the same show as you, and they might in fact love it so much that they vent their frustrations in angst and salt and cracky fics. Let them vent about how they wish the show was better, leave their tags alone or block them if you cant stand to see it. But dont attack salt writers for ‘hating on your show’ when they might love it just as much as you do but want a way to vent out their feelings.

On the flip someone who writes sugar might NOT be forgiving the show for its flaws, they might see all the same flaws as you but decide to take that frustration and write fluff and fix it fics and sugar because they want to indulge in a version of their favorite show where everything is just... OK. Where everyone is well written and happy and the character development sticks. Stay out of their tags let them have their sugar, they aren't writing it to hurt you just like you don't write salt to hurt them.

So ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each others tags. Let people write SALT if they feel angry and vengeful and disappointment, let them have their tags, let them explore the dark side of the characters, let them rant and rave and be HURT when the characters they love upset them with their actions. Its not your place to tell them to stop, to tell them their feelings are invalid, to tell them that ‘adrien is sweet sunshine boy how dare you’ or ‘alya would never’ or ‘i hate your marinette leaves dupont au’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

AND ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each other tags. Let people write SUGAR if they just want something to feel happy about. Let them makes coffee shop au’s, let them make fix it fics where everything is just happy without needing 8 pages of backstory for why everything is just happy. Let them squeal and gush and talk about the ship they like and the fluff they see. Its not your place to argue with them that the show is flawed, its not cool to ruin their fun by accusing them of not understanding the flaws, to tell them ‘umm actual this character shouldn’t get to be happy’ or ‘wow this is so shallow’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

PS: Now with that said and done. I do have one final message for everyone - If you write/enjoy pedophilia, if you sexualize KIDS. Then get the fuck out of fandom spaces, stop fucking following me, and do everyone salt and sugar a favor by LEAVING. Your pedophilia and child sexualization aint wanted, aint ok, and I will fight you.

PSS: IF YOU HATE WHAT IVE SAID ABOUT SUGAR AND SALT FINE OK I RESPECT YOU REGARDLESS. ENJOY THE SHOW, STAY CLASSY, DONT HURT PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION.

#its just me #ml salt #ml sugar #adrien salt #adrien sugar #alya salt #alya sugar #chloe salt #chloe sugar #miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #alya cesaire #class salt #class sugar

[ireallylikejonouchi]

𝙽𝚞𝚛𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚑𝚢𝚘𝚗 𝚗𝚘 𝙼𝚊𝚐𝚘 𝚁𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠

Written and drawn by Shiibashi Hiroshi, Nurarihyon no Mago is a manga series that ran in Weekly Shonen Jump with 210 chapters, 25 volumes. It’s about a Japan that has a massive Yokai underbelly, consisting mostly of yokai yakuza clans that run certain parts of Japan. The protagonist, Rikuo Nura, is the third heir of the Nura clan, kingpin of Kanto. His grandfather is the legendary Lord of Pandemonium, the yokai Nurarihyon, but Rikuo is only a quarter yokai, having a half-human father and a full human mother. As a child, Rikuo thinks yokai are the coolest thing, but his classmates mock him for this, not believing that they exist, and finding it even weirder that someone could admire them. Rikuo is told that it is his destiny to take on this role, and that he cannot live a human life. Hearing stories about evil yokai who enjoy making humans despair, Rikuo decides that yokai are terrible and he wants nothing to do with them. When Rikuo’s classmates are attacked by some rebellious yokai from the Nura clan, who are unhappy about their new leader being a quarter-human child, Rikuo awakens to his yokai blood and transforms in order to defeat them. He decides here that he will become the third heir in order to subdue yokai that would bring terror to humans with his “Fear,” the power system of the series.

With the synopsis out of the way, from this point on there will be spoilers. Be wary. I’ll try my best to spoil only what’s necessary in order to get my point across.

The beginning of this manga takes its time setting up character dynamics with short story arcs, as well as establishing what the yokai of the world are truly like with various examples of opinionated yokai antagonists. Some consider it boring, and I can understand why, but I think it pays off very well. The characters are incredibly likeable and fun. Even the ones that don’t have very much development are still a joy to see on the page when they show up. Rikuo himself is simultaneously a complicated character and a very easy character to follow. The first chapter takes place a couple of years before the second one, and his childish judgement to go from worshiping yokai to hating them is intentionally so. The story is about his growth. Rikuo is told that he must take on this role, he denies, but eventually accepts under his own terms, and for his own reasons. This ultimately sets up what his character arc will end up becoming, as one of his final conflicts at the end of the story sees him battling against another half-yokai, Abe no Yoshihira, who believes it is his duty to follow his evil father’s plan because of his "cursed” mixed blood. Rikuo doesn’t simply reject this title, but he also doesn’t accept out of obligation. He accepts this as an opportunity to bring about change. The change he wants slowly evolves from protecting humans to bridging the social gap between human and yokai so that they may find peace together. Fate shouldn’t be fought against or ignored, but you must make whatever you can out of it. Rikuo feels that connecting human and yokai is something only he can do as a half-yokai, so he feels a responsibility to carry this out, yet it is also what he truly believes in and wants. He is a leader because he was graced with the opportunity to bring about a better world. Your fate is only what you perceive it as. The final villain Abe no Seimei believes that human and yokai are fated to be at odds forever, and that influences his evil plan to purify the world. Both are believers of fate to some extent, the message isn’t something as simple as “defy fate” or “there is no fate,” which I appreciate. This manga is very good about exploring all facets of the themes it presents, which I will give more examples of shortly.

The power system is an interesting one. To quote the wiki, “ Osore (畏, Fear) is the term that denotes the unique skills and traits of each yōkai. It refers to the "fear" of the unknown, an emotional reaction produced when the yōkai represent themselves as "monsters". As yōkai first existed as creatures who induce fear in humankind, the general concept of "fear" revolves around being feared and respected by humans and making them feel small and weak. It involves exerting a wall of pressure to make one's presence feel larger than the actuality. When done correctly, this also creates a change in the mood and surrounding air - as seen whenever a dense fog appears when a Hyakki Yakō gathers in the series. Itaku states that Osore only applies to scaring humans.“ Fear is an inherently negative word, especially when associated with demons. However, Rikuo is proud of his fear, despite scolding yokai who scare humans. Fear in this manga is not quite so black and white. Rikuo’s form of fear is reverence, admiration. He considers this to be a form of fear, and he is indeed proud of the awe he is able to inspire within his followers as well as his enemies. Rikuo is able to use a power that comes only thanks to his human side, letting a yokai haunt his humanity while keeping control with his yokai half, performing Equip and gaining that yokai’s powers, but only if they entrust themselves to him. It is the ultimate representation of the Fear that Rikuo believes in. For the core power system of the series to have such a double meaning about it speaks to the coming complexities, and it is incredibly fitting for this story, as I hope to convey.

Fate, lineage and connection to history are the main themes of this manga. Many of the characters in the story are tied to tradition before it starts, and have to be brought out of that by Rikuo and his progressive mindset. One’s blood is used to portray this theme in an interesting way. Rikuo’s father, Rihan, describes him as a symbol of hope for the future. Rihan longed for a world where human and yokai could get along, yet he came into constant conflict with both evil yokai and evil humans, as his son Rikuo would soon come to do as well. Rikuo loved his father, and carries on his dreams. However, similar to his “fate” of leading the clan, his respect for his ancestors is well-informed by his individual beliefs, and not from any kind of feeling that he MUST do what his ancestors wished. Abe no Yoshihira failed here, becoming a slave to his perceived fate. Hagoromo-gitsune, the main antagonist of the Kyoto arc as well as Abe no Seimei’s mother, was tied to her blood relations as well. She did everything for her son, who was soon to be reborn again into this age. She had her own image of an ideal world, erasing humans and making a world full of yokai, but she didn’t consider her child’s ideals, which she could have presumed from Seimei’s suffering he received when both human and yokai betrayed him. Seimei is born and casts Hagoromo-gitsune into hell, declaring that he will purify all life from the world, as neither human nor yokai can be trusted. Abe no Seimei is the agent of fate, declaring that all living things on Earth have doomed themselves to a fate of death thanks to their own horrible and greedy nature. Abe no Seimei is a half-yokai himself and he has found solace from neither of those sides. Rikuo, however, does not give up. He equips himself with the true fear of this reality that places him in-between two worlds, unable to fully enjoy life as a human or a yokai, refusing to resign himself as Seimei did, and instead fighting against the fate Seimei enforces by bringing together humans and yokai, including Hagoromo-gitsune, in order to seal the final blow against him.

You may be wondering what it means that Rikuo was able to finish off Seimei by fusing with his mother. Well, you see, Hagoromo-gitsune is sort of, in a way, Rikuo’s mother as well. You see, before Rihan had a child with Rikuo’s mother, he was married to another woman, Yamabuki-otome. For context, Abe no Seimei is a man who reincarnates throughout generations, as does his mother, Hagoromo-gitsune. Some time after Yamabuki-otome’s death, Seimei used her to take revenge on Rihan for disrupting his plans, by reviving her as a child and turning her into the host of the yokai Hagoromo-gitsune, sending her with false memories and subliminal orders to kill the man she loved when she was alive. Once she had killed Rihan, her human self hid itself away in despair and Hagoromo-gitsune was able to take control of her body for good. In modern times, after being cast into hell by Abe no Seimei, she is revived by Nurarihyon in anticipation for the final battle. After encountering Rikuo and his burning feelings in Kyoto, she had regained her human memories before being struck down by Seimei. Upon her most recent revival, she found she had feelings for both Rikuo and Seimei, and considers both to be her children. She regrets that her feelings for Seimei had ended up being met with treachery, and she goes to confront him. When she hears his full plan, she decides to do kill him herself, though she fails. She feels it her duty as a mother to make up for not understanding his suffering earlier, as it’s now too late to reason with him. Hagoromo-gitsune’s progression comes from her ability to find love for her yokai followers, considering them to be her children all the same as Rikuo and Seimei, and learns that she should have seen this love all along rather than being blinded by her obsessions with her blood son. Once again, she values her children and the blood she shares with them, but she is only able to find happiness when she realizes that the feelings she has for them don’t have to be restricted to only them simply because they are her kin, and similarly she does not need to follow Seimei’s plan just because she thinks it’s what a mother “should” do. Fusing with Rikuo is the culmination of this. While Rikuo is technically her kin, as Seimei is, we see through her arc that she has matured and learned to spread her love. So even though without context it would seem that she simply went from one child to the other, we can see the complexities of this and see how it relates to Rikuo’s arc, accepting something not out of obligation, but from your own will. 

By coming to a true understanding with the woman that Abe no Seimei had discarded, his mother, and her doing the same, an act that seemingly defies their fates (Rikuo’s fate to be a cold yokai ruler and Hagoromo’s fate to be a slave to her child’s whims), they’re able to defeat him and sever fate itself.

The Hundred Stories Clan Arc is one that I really appreciate for showing me how truly interesting Rikuo was as a character. I hadn’t realized it up to that point, and it’s clear why. His characterization and progression is subtle. The text doesn’t tell you how Rikuo grows, the art and his actions do. When humanity told of Rikuo’s half-yokai status is convinced that he must be killed for the safety of Japan, Rikuo is forced to face the fact that the humans he wants to protect are not perfect, and have as many imperfections as yokai do. Humans can be greedy, they can do horrible things when they’re afraid. In a backstory, the leader of the Hundred Stories Clan is shown to be a despicable human from Japanese history named Sanmoto Gorozaemon, who takes control of yokai to secure his political and social power, and turns himself into a yokai in order to secure that power. When a member of his clan is assaulted by humans who don’t care about the harm they’re causing, some of them even reveling in it, through facial expressions we can see him struggling with the thought of killing these humans to end the conflict, or out of revenge possibly. Shiibashi leaves this to the reader’s interpretation and it works wonders, he has no internal monologue relating to this feeling and nobody points out that he seems crazed or anything. It’s some panels that you could easily miss if you’re reading too fast.

In this panel, we are shown his reaction to a female yokai appearing and tormenting the humans that were tormenting him and his clanmate just moments ago. Even when he showed such rage at the humans, seemingly almost snapping, he decides he needs to stop the yokai from killing them. However, the expression on his face conveys perfectly how complex his emotions are over this. Despite how confidently he’s saying he needs to save them, his face almost looks like he doesn’t want to. Of course, he overcomes this and saves them for the sake of his dream.

It’s clear to see the moral dilemma he’s going through and it’s conveyed entirely through art and subtext. This is confident storytelling, and not to mention incredible artistry. Shiibashi has a certain maturity and respect for the reader that is hard to find in Shonen Jump manga sometimes.

Rikuo’s fight against the yokai artist Kyosai in this arc is notable for being similar to what I just described from the beginning of the arc.

Kyosai has an interest in turning human women into yokai using his painting techniques, including one of Rikuo’s classmates. Enraged, Rikuo engages him in combat with his newly acquired Attack Mode, which switches his Fear from a defensive technique to an offensive one, and changes his hair from white with black underneath it to having half of his hair being black on one side and the other being white. As the fight progresses, Rikuo is continuously injured and decomposed by Kyosai’s abilities, burning his flesh and scarring Rikuo black.

Rikuo’s deteriorating mental state during this arc is conveyed visually through his design, with both the way he is inked as well as his literally evolving design, his new transformation. He’s never had to confront these kinds of humans and yokai before. This leveling of suffering is new to our middle school-aged protagonist. After Kyosai is defeated, his momentary rage subsides but he is still scarred, physically and mentally. Encho, the acting leader of the Hundred Stories Clan, betrays Sanmoto’s reincarnated brain for personal gain, confusing Rikuo who is already in a fragile mental state. He struggles to comprehend the enemy, as he had been forced to face humans that he wanted to protect, yokai that despised those humans, and even his own best friends. Once again, exclusively visually conveyed and up to interpretation.

At the end of this arc, he accepts the help of his friends, his aide Yuki-Onna, and equips with her, washing himself of the stress he’s in and covering him in a beautiful veil of ice. His design goes back to normal in order to show this, and get across just how much his friends mean to him, in a truly impactful way that really strengthens the theme by giving real weight to his connection with both his yokai and human lives.

Every arc is strong in its own way, I simply wanted to discuss the few that best show what I’m trying to say. I hope you now understand why I love this manga so much and why I think you should read it. I promise the things I’ve spoiled here are only a fragment of the whole experience, and your appreciation will only grow as you experience the full context by reading the manga. If I got across what I wanted to, then you understand that this manga cannot be explained as much as it can be experienced. There are probably more things that I never noticed, maybe you’ll discover those before I do.

This manga is an ode to the future, to humanity. We can overcome our differences and coexist. Perhaps all it takes is for one person to take the fear that we as people feel in our daily lives onto themselves. The fear that there can never be change, the fear that our road only ends in sadness. The fear that our history defines us. The fear that we must conform to our duty. The fear that accepting a duty strips us of individuality. The fear that we can never bring these conflicting aspects of our mind together and find inner peace. The fear that we can never bring the conflicting aspects of people together and find true peace amongst ourselves. Not many people can overcome that fear, but he who is truly strong is he who equips that fear. He who takes that uncertainty of the future and uses it to empower himself and push for that change he wishes to see. This review is my ode to the man who was able to understand what makes people who they are and didn’t let that fear consume him. The man who equips true fear. Thank you for reading.

#nurarihyon no mago #nura: rise of the yokai clan #manga analysis #manga review #shonen #shounen #manga #manga art #rikuo nura #hagoromo-gitsune #abe no seimei #weekly shonen jump #review #i hope i didnt ramble too much

[life-rewritten]

1000 Stars Ep 1-6; Tian and the Consequences of past mistakes.

This has been long coming. I’ve just been very weirdly conflicted with writing about this show because I tend to find speaking about it for hours more appropriate. But because I didn’t have time to create a video focused on this topic, I decided to write it out the way I know how. First of all this has been just an insane experience, this show is... well how  can I describe it?  It’s incredible, and not like the oh this is really good incredible, I mean like it’s mind blowing how outstanding this show is, the fact that this show is the first Thai bl show of 2021 that was original is blowing my freaking mind, it’s put a standard to everything else, it’s standard is excellence, there is no mistake, no errors, no issues with this show unless you’re someone who loves to find something wrong about something. This  show is so inspirational, representative, deep, and important in this genre. First of all it’s a unique type of storyline, it has meta everywhere, it’s incredibly filled with dimensional characters that are so human and real and make mistakes but learn and grow, and it has an incredible realistic love story brewing. Like what else can you say about this show? The cinematography? Excellent. The directing. Even more great. The acting; So incredible. Everyone who has joined to make this show mean something, mean something to me. Because this show is now my hiding place, an escape from the realities of the world, and the grim aspects of life, a show that makes me learn about the value of life, the importance of love, and just the inspiration of finding meaning to who you are and why you should be here. This show is so incredibly written and planned with so much effort, direction and energy. If GMMTV can keep on with this energy with all their other BLS this year is going to the biggest, greatest breakthrough for this genre. This show makes my Fridays. And I wanted to first start with that because it’s hard to write thoughts about this show, because there’s so much to flesh out and explain, every scene, every dialogue, every thing means something to the overall story brewing, to the subtext hidden, to the themes and messages the show is trying to teach. Everything can be explained. And I think that’s so incredible.

 So what do we have in this essay then, we have a focus on Tian, and his actions from Ep 1-6, it’s incredible how our little sunshine is finally going through self discovery and finding who he’s meant to be, also it’s just amazing to see him find his soulmate through all of this; who just means so much to him and influences all of his greatest things in life. However this show toes between the line of a really sweet love story, with some humour, some laughter, some cheesiness and flirts but also a darker, sadder and realistic portrayal of some issues in the world, and also some parts of the human psyche that represents or relates to us in some way. Whether this show is about how easily depression can make us fall into this well of self hate, and self destruction, or make us forget the value of the people around us and the value of even our selves, or this show is a message and warning to consequences of recklessness, corruption and selfishness, this show has so much to say and show whilst still presenting it in a format that’s a BL; that’s still hopeful and beautiful and sweet. And how Backaof has gone and done this is incredible to me. This essay is going to be breaking down each of the hints and clues that point to the serious aspects of the show, what are we to expect? Why is this a repeated theme in the show, what does it mean for our characters, what does it mean for us? So Let’s break down the foreshadowings and clues to  the plot twists in the show that’s upcoming and how Backaof has laid a very meta plan for each of these clues to take place.

 Tian and The Consequences of The Past

Mostly episode 5 really is the episode where these clues are hidden in subtext. So much is troubling immediately we begin the episode. We start of with a realisation that we’re being bamboozled, the show is hiding information from us, it’s twisting our perspectives on certain storylines and there’s still truths that we need to unveil to piece together. The most important connection of this story is the demise and removal of Torfun. In fact her accident is the catalyst that causes this story to begin, she’s a guide to Tian to lead him to this new renewal of life, and purpose but also she’s the family and friend to many people who have been touched by her presence, she’s also the person connected to our love interest. In so many ways her demise means a lot to the plot of the story. And it’s shocking to think that there could be more to it. It’s not just this plot that is a convenience to the story, it means more, it’s connected to every single thread of the plot, connected to the love story brewing, because it’s her heart that’s being confused at first with Tian’s feelings, it’s her presence that’s being emphasised on with Tian’s guilt of replacing her, it’s her words that’s being valued by Tian to want to be better and do more for himself, but it’s her mystery that keeps us all on edge including Tian who is slowly unveiling memories that he doesn’t want to accept. It seems like deep down Tian knows something is of about Torfun’s accident, it’s like he can’t rest, he can’t help shake when he questions his flashbacks, his memories, there’s this desperate need for him to attempt to make it up to her, to ensure she’s happy and rested with her wishes coming through, it’s such a desperate need it drives him to self sacrificial methods, he completely leaves his own needs and care for her goal to be realised. 

And it is sweet but Tian is also someone who is incredibly hurt, and destructive, he’s been so pushed into this mindset of thinking he’s not worth it, his life is not worth it, his presence is not worth it. For so long he has been shackled by the idea of deth (wrong spelling on purpose) following him all around, one day he was meant to leave the world, unexpectedly, no hopes, no dreams, no freedom from this and so he became numb to this premise of life, of value, of self care. Tian is incredibly reckless and self destructive because he lost the meaning of why he should be self protective and self loving. And it breaks my heart everytime we have to relive or even remember his state of mind in the past episodes from 1-4. Now this begins to change once he settles and realises he has meaning, and he’s needed and he’s worthy. It starts to change when he realises he wants to be protected by the man he loves, it starts to change when he’s found something to protect, his new family, friends and lover. It starts to change when he also wants to make a difference and be of importance. So Tian is finally going through this self discovery of Purpose, Love and Happiness, which are all connected to this meaning of life, that he wanted to uncover when he read Torfun’s diary at first. But as much as he is on this path, he still has remnants of his mistakes and his past mindsets that prevent him from moving forward, it eats him up with guilt, it paralyses him with fear that one day he could lose it all, but also it makes him run into the claws of danger and deth time and time again. So Episode 5 really is a map of all the dangers that Tian has to get through, connected to his own faults, flaws and development needed to be unpacked to get to his destiny/fate with Pupha. These worries and foreshadowings show a grueling yet important journey to overcome, he needs to overcome his self doubt, his self hate, his numbness to life and his guilt and shame of the past. So Let’s analyse and break down these clues.

Consequences of Recklessness

Episode 5 starts with immediately a shift, it’s a plot twist to see that Tian didn’t faint. It’s odd for me to be watching this scene in the beginning and screaming Faint please faint, why isn’t he fainting. Immediately he stands up assures Tul he’ll be okay and then proceeds to discuss about his car as his baby and pride, you know it’s a problem. The emphasis of Tul feeling uneasy brings up this worry that Tian is about to attract trouble through his lack of care for himself, and his lack of value for others and things connected to him. This is the moment we’re hit with the wave of realisation that Tian may have to deal with the consequences of his recklessness, and that means that this event is connected to the source of everything the one thing we still have questions about; Torfun and her accident. And it’s a terrifying lesson don’t get me wrong, but it’s like Tian to be reckless, he’s reckless about everything, his life, his heart, his self, he’s just constantly putting himself at risk. 

Immediately he opens his mouth and pushes for an illegal car race, we know there’s going to be consequences, this is connected to how powerful he is, (they can close the road and cover up the truth), this is connected to how corrupted his background is as we’ve seen in episode 1, how little they value others for themselves, it’s connected to the ease and way he can be privileged and thrive of chaos and get unscathed whilst people like Torfun end up victims used and forgotten. Now I’m not saying Tian is the actual person who took Torfun’s life, although he does end up in possession of her heart, he doesn’t drive and I do believe he wasn’t the one in the car, maybe in the passenger seat next to the driver, or maybe hitting another car from behind that ran into her, or Tul managing to get him out of that situation before he could be the one who caused it. But it’s still his words, his actions that lead to this accident, and that’s a terrifying fact both he and the audience has to deal with.  And this is connected of the value of life and people and how this can be lost with recklessness, and corruption  and selfishness. 

Consequences of Evasion of the Truth

Tian literally had to evade and run away from this world to go to the village to find the real meaning but it doesn’t erase his past, he has to deal with that, and I do think he will think he’s the one who is the person at fault mostly because he’s starting to get flashbacks of that event, he knows he’s hiding a secret and It’s more than just the fact that Torfun gave him his heart, it’s because deep down he’s scared he was involved in that in a different way. And this leads to Pupha and his secrets, the way he was actively trying to conceal the truth in episode 5, because of his fear of losing it all, and hurting the person he loves. The fact he’s hiding secrets means that those secrets will come to light and we do see an example of this a bit less painful when Longtae stumbles on Torfun’s diary, this is still going to be happening because Pupha still needs to know the truth and the way Tian has covered up the secrets and truth for so long means there’s consequences to hiding the truth. 

This is also another theme of the show, connected to the fact that Torfun’s accident is being covered up as just that, connected to the fact that maybe Tian’s father and mother tried so hard to evade the truth and move on and pretend nothing happened, by selling the car and forcing Tian to not think about looking for her. That’s why it’s worrying because the parents are obstacles and in my opinion are also one of the hints episode 5 leaves for us the audience to notice. Already it’s uncommon to hear that Tian’s mum isn’t as worried about him in the village, when her love for him in episode 1 is suffocating and protective, she won’t be okay with his choice to be reckless, to push his heart, to come to a place with distance, and so it’s a red flag.

Consequences of Corruption and Power

It’s a warning, his parents are connected to a plot twist, they’re going to be an obstacle because they represent right now Corruption and Power. And the consequences of corruption and power removing the value of life is also shown in episode 6 when we see our villain Sakda. In fact it’s because Tian tries to evade Corruption that we see the value of all the villagers earnings, work, life, burn so cruelly at the end. Sakda’s cruelty has no bounds, he doesn’t take the people seriously; he sees them as liabilities, obstacles, unimportant, he doesn’t value them just like Torfun was also unvalued by her aunt because of money/recklessness and also probably by Tian’s family because of corruption and power. It’s all about the darkness of privilege; the very lesson Tian is learning about and also growing away from. Episode 1 shows the stain of corruption in Tian’s life, how it suffocates him and makes him feel unsafe and unhappy in his own home, how it shrouds him in the dark compared to Torfun who found light in Pu Phan Dao. And that wine stain on his chest that carves the same length and shape as his scar is a reminder that he’s been stained and affected by that Corruption. And that’s why he tries to escape and start anew. But there are consequences and lessons of forgiveness he needs to learn, a way to relearn about his own meaning and value but also a way forgive himself and Torfun to find peace with the truth unfolded. Okay so a bit dark but this is a theme, the way corruption and the rich and power don’t care about the value of life, even in Pu Phan dao, Phupha is tagged with protecting the home, the trees, the forest because they have value, but the rich come and poach and cut down the source for the people, they misuse and scam the people because they don’t know or treat what they do as valuable. That’s why Tian as he learns about value finds a way to help the villagers regain the value of their tea leaves and more, he adds innovation and a creativity to everything to make the villagers be strong enough to know their worth and yet the rich and the corrupt manage to burn it all down in episode 6. The theme is recurring; the question is how do we come out of it with forgiveness, peace and understanding.

 Consequences of Carelessness

I can talk about this theme and the value of life linked to this show for ever. But there’s more shown in episode 6 that hints at the worrying obstacles we still have to face. There’s Social media mentioned, Tian repeatedly warns Tul to not take a photo of him, he lies to Nam about his facebook and he finds Torfun through facebook in episode 1. He’s so desperate to hide his past and his truth that maybe that’s how some of the truth will be unveiled. Social media can be easily tracked if a person has it out for him, but also Tul takes a picture with him that holds such a warning to it, it just seems important to notice as well. Because it could be Sakda who unveils it but he’s also connected to so much more. 

His power also puts Phupha at risk, because Phupha is the one tasked with preventing these type of influences hurting the village. Phupha’s job requires his life to be at risk for the value of others, the people he deems family, and the place he deems home so his job is going to also lead to him being at odds with Sakda and his minions. Especially since we have seen how violent they can get, and in episode 1 we are shown a bunch of people who are currently a danger to the forest with one escaping and boss connected to them. That’s Sakda. So if Phupha has to stop Sakda his life may be in danger as he risks it for the village but also mostly Tian who is the target of them now. 

Again that’s the consequences of Tian’s recklessness because even though it was good for him to defend the village and do what’s right, he was warned repeatedly what it could bring. And it brings Phupha’s life in danger. Especially the foreshadowing with him running in episode 6 to bring out a symbol of Phupha’s presence in his life. His actions have unfortunately led to the endangerment of the one person he wants to protect more than himself. The one person who truly shows him the value of life. That’s why episode 5 jokinly repeats also warningly that Tian is a trouble magnet, it’s a joke because it seems him being reckless and attracted to trouble is not important because with his status and privilege he can come out unscathed, however it can lead to catalysts of drama and more pain in the future. Hence again the consequence of recklessness. Tian acts before he thinks, it’s a good and bad quality, first it leads to him being brave, being determined, being creative with how he tackles solutions, it comes to him immediately at the same time packed with his self destructive mindset, at times it leads to him causing trouble and harm. This is why I say another theme to his self acceptance journey is forgiveness this is not just him learning about the best things in life, it’s also about him embracing the mistakes of his past. Because it’s only if he learns, will he become his best self, the one that loves everything about himself, and the one that can move forward and heal past scars. Also because I’m sure people are like what about Torfun our victim essentially, I think Torfun is definitely making Tian also feel this uneasiness and determination to unfold the truth for peace, she gives him permission in the episode 1 for him to take over her heart, to take care of Pupha but probably also to take care of the village. I think she’s at peace but you know we’ll see if the show mentions her again in a different manner.

Consequences of Insecurity

But this brings us to the next obstacle mentioned in Episode 5: Torfun vs Tian. Head vs Heart. Especially also connected to Phupha. From episode 3-6, Pupha and Tian have given their hearts to each other, in subtext it’s really obvious they both know how they feel however it’s always distracted by insecurities, logic, and questions in their minds. There’s a lot in their heads they have to deal with that makes it hard for them to confess. Although Tian is basically still willing to fight over those thoughts and choose him and show him he’s open. This is why I don’t think Tian fully thinks it’s him behind Torfun’s incident, mostly because if he truly thought he was behind the car he won’t let Phupha near him. He won’t forgive himself to even let love in. So I think he has inklings something is not right but he pushes down and isn’t fully aware of what happened that night. But apart from those worries, there’s more things he and Pupha deal with that is hinted in episode 5 and we see is preventing both of them  just coming out and saying what they feel.

The things in Pupha’s head vs heart

The first worry which he kind of removes in episode 6 is distance. Phupha says it in episode 5, he doesn’t want to be the reason for why Tian stays in the village and not return back for his degree in college. He doesn’t want to hold Tian back though he’s worried that him returning means he won’t come back to the village. Infact Tian returning home has been Pupha’s biggest fear since he first met him, it’s why he teased him harshly each time he saw him pre ep 3, because he didn’t want him to leave so he always angered him and tested to see how determined he wanted to stay. Because of this looming distance/long distance relationship that could occur in the future, Pupha shies away with his other insecurities and prevents himself from confessing rather keeping their relationship in this unknown stage than facing the reality of what they are. He doesn’t want to get in the way of Tian’s potential, it’s obvious Tian is finding Purpose in the village as a teacher and helper but for Pupha where people of the village dream of going to the city to get their dreams, and live a better comfortable life it’s better for Tian who’s frail, and smart to go back and unveil his potential by staying in college for however long he has to.

 But also Pupha notices Tian is secretive. This is why although it seems Tian is open to him and obviously flirting and hinting at a way to elevate their status, Pupha shies away because he has insecurities, one he still doesn’t trust how Tian sees him, there’s this idea of him being different to Tian because of age, personality, and maybe even sexuality, and he worries about all of that, what if Tian is more matched with others his age, and finds more happiness and comfort with people who speak like him and act like him, what if Tian hates strict and moody people, what if Tian isn’t queer? These are the insecurities he battles with in his head even though his heart thinks Tian may reciprocate.

The things in Tian’s head vs heart

And we know the big one for Tian is Torfun. She’s Pupha’s prized, valuable connection, someone who really meant the world to him, someone he and the village is struggling to let go of. Tian feels like an impostor holding her heart, it fills him with guilt, shame, worry about him not being worthy enough to replace her, but also to help them deal with her demise. And For Pupha especially who doesn’t have a lot of family members; who cherishes every single thing as like the most important valuable thing, he doesn’t want him to be hurt with that realisation. He doesn’t want him to compare Tian with Torfun, he doesn’t want to always see the hurt in his eyes when he looks at Tian and misses her.  

It’s also the fact he’s been lying for so long, and so that worries him even more as days go by, because he lied (as his subconscious of Pupha told him in the dream In episode 4) it makes it worse, he should have just told them immediately to take away the betrayal and the hurt. So this is all also in his head. Before he accepted his sexuality he also questioned if it was her who loved Pupha not him. Because sometimes people say things to him that makes him feel again like she’s there controlling him, or changing him to become like her etc. It’s hard for him to not think there might be a chance he likes Pupha because it’s her not him. However the most important one is the guilt of holding her heart, of basically stealing her life, he basically took the guy she loves, the job she loves, the place she loves and replaced her. So he’s not really particularly comfortable with that truth; in fact this is the reason why he’s desperate to make her wish her come through to give her some sort of validation and make her still have meaning. To also ask for her forgiveness for being the one who took her heart. That’s why I think if he’s any way close to her demise as in the accident the guilt and determination to run to the cliff and just beg her for forgiveness is even more desperate and intense. That’s what I’m dreading. Because the journey to the cliff isn’t an easy one, and if Tian desperate and reckless runs away to go make it happen what happens to his already overworked heart?

Consequences of Deth

And that’s the last thing we really have to overcome in the show, the closeness and link to deth both our characters have, like it’s insane, Phupha’s life is constantly in danger, and episode 5 reminds us of the violence of people like Sakda he has to face. Meanwhile Tian is just close to it because of a chance of his rejection, luckily episode 6 reintroduces his medicine and now Nam knows the truth, his heart may finally be taken care of well, but there’s still a chance that he’s pushed it too far, there’s still a connection to his numbness of life, and his self destructive way he sees himself when he’s filled with guilt and pain. So there’s still this tangle with this, which is worrying as we saw in episode 5, his heart is pushed so many times over the limit and in episode 6 even more when he runs into the fire forgoing his own safety yet again. So that is important to note. However I think this is just probably going to be more of a warning for Pupha though Tian’s life is also endangered by Sakda since he’s a target so it’s both, they’re both again in danger of sacrificing themselves to help the other. This doesn’t mean a sad ending I don’t even worry about that, but it’s an obstacle, it’s a consequence of the themes of the show, and another lesson for Tian to learn and grow from.

The themes of Identity, Self love, Purpose and Renewal of the meaning of life all are lessons that Mr Tian needs to learn as he discovers himself through the show. However Tian’s past doesn’t just disappear as we see mechanisms and mindsets constructed from his past environment, situations and hurts can show up as consequences, but this doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world for our couple, in fact it’s opposite, it’s a healing message of embracing your past and healing your scars, and becoming a better person knowing you’re still worth everything good despite your mistakes if you’re willing to grow and change. Knowing actions have consequences but you have a chance to learn from them and grow. It’s a self acceptance and self-forgiving journey, to embracing your fate and finding the meaning of life again. So yes in this show there’s a reason for why the characters act the way they do, there’s a reason why Tian constantly puts himself in harms way, a reason for why Pupha is the opposite and is strict and filled with order to prevent recklessness, to protect the value of people, life and more. Both Tian and Pupha come into each other’s lives to offer perspective, to help each other grow, with making Pupha embrace vulnerability and weakness of himself, and to make Tian embrace meaning of life and purpose and love; all the things he thought he had lost. So yeh Episode 5 was a rollercoaster, I kept on smiling but then worrying each time below the surface another clue popped up showing we still have a lot of obstacles to deal with. But if we don’t have these obstacles then these real life messages and call outs won’t matter, we need to see the price of privilege, we need to see the consequence of recklessness, the selfishness of corruption and how it can bring  harm to others, we need to know why it’s important to value your self, and know your truth, and fall in love, So we’ll be fine, this show is incredible already and it deals with everything well. No matter what theories we have Backaof has a full map for how everything ties together in his head, how Tian deals with his guilt, how he confronts his parents, how he chooses Pupha overall, we’ll see it all unfold. It’d be a journey, sometimes painful but we’ll come out smiling. Anyway here’s the analysis of the consequences and dangers in the show. Let’s discuss? What are your theories? How do you feel about the show? Let me know. Ciao.

#1000 stars #1000stars #atots #tale of a thousand stars #tale of thousand stars #thai bl #bl series #bl drama #cwg #fvete #earthmix #phuphatian