#weird today i dont like it i dont like this but i got good feedback on the 1st version so.. that must mean st ig ? idk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

screaminglygay · 7 months

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KINKTOBER day 1

pairing: siren! natasha x reader

summary: working on a boat sounds like a fun, but what if there is a cold weather?

word count: 3.6k

warnings: heavy manipulation!!!, mind control, toxic dynamic, humping a tail, dirty talk, just smut!, badly written description of what sailors do

an: so the time is here!!!! I’m exited and also anxious, aghh. I’d appreciate any of your feedback and don’t be scared to send me some thoughts! If there are any typos, i sincerely apologize, just let me know and I’ll fix it!

an2: there is a part that was inspired by hp and goblet of fire, i’ve changed most of it, but left some parts, since natasha is siren. felt like it was fitting. and it’s exactly how I imagine natasha’s style of singing.

(italics = your thoughts)

!MDNI!

Enjoy this spooky time and be safe!

Working on a coast was an incredible experience and for such a long time you were happy to have the oppurtunity to see new things, but most imporantily feel new things.

This spontanious work trip helped you with your mental health more than your therapist in years. You didn´t even mind working alone somedays, since your coworkers had some days shift off. You enjoyed those quiet days, where you didn´t even overthink, you just let your thoughts peacefully be and surprisingly they did the same thing to you.

Seeing things, the old things but with a different font was something you never get tired of. Everything was bigger and prettier. Colorfull sunrises and sunsets, bigger and shiny stars. But when the warm and fuzzy wind was changed by heavy rains and scary thunderstorms, you were really changing your opinion and wishing you were back in your comfy king sized bed, watching another stupid show on Netflix. Not everything was so colorful all the time.

Especially when the weather got cold and nothing was so warm and fuzzy as in the summer. When the first storm came you thought that you can hadle it, alone. You did, but barerly.

But from todays morning, you knew something big is coming and nothing could prepare you for that. You woke up and checked your phone, like you did every signle day and noticed you have one unread message, saying that your coworker, Tobias, can´t make it, because he got sea sick, from all the sailing he did this week. Which is little weird since you´re positive he´s been sailing the day he was born. But even the best of us can get sick sometimes. So youre all alone. You let out a big sigh. You werent mad, no. You were just little scared of the storm that might and most probably will come today.

When you finally got up and looked from the window you could feel that the wind was freezingly cold. Goosebumps begin to form on your arms and neck. The cold feeling seeps through your skin deeper, like a stealthy intruder, sending shivers down your spine. It's an icy touch that grips your body, making your muscles tense.

It´s gonna be a long day.

As always you packed your stuff, fuzzy socks, warm coat, another shirt just in case youll get wet. Lastly you took some snacks and a big amout of soup, hoping your heater wont let you down. And last but not least a lots of tea. As your boss always says "Tea and rum is better than a warm coat." Well you dont have the rum, but the tea will do, at least that´s what youre saying to yourself.

When you got to work, you checked all the papers from yesterday, made sure to know what your tasks will be today. And of course you had to check if the boat is in a good shape to sail the next day. It´s a lot of work, but at least you have a job to do. Not like a week ago, where you just sat and watch as the waves hit the rocks for 12 hours. You noticed that even waves have a simple patterns, its was so hypnotic to watch it hit the big rocks again and again and again.

You slowly checked all the papers to not miss anything important and undeerscore everything that you need to do today. You checked your watch and made a mental note to put the kettle on soon.

Youre working here for about a 5 months now and you still havent figured out your routine. Even though most of the times youre still doing the same job all over again, checking something, writing what needs to be fixed, checking the load, or just watching over the boat, you still do everything at the same time. So sometimes (read it as most of the times) you just forget to do the simple things as taking care of your basic needs. When you and Tobias have shift together, you two kinda take care of eachtoher, but when he´s not there it´s just so easy to forget about it.

But today you did quite good job, after checking the lower deck you came back up to unlock the kitchen and put the kettle on. When youre water was getting ready for your favorite and only tea you had here, you wrote some documentary about the first ship load you had to check. Everything was correct and you were happy that you didn´t have to unpack it and count it manually. Your first break of the day fly past very quickly as you finished your tea, that didnt make you feel warm at all. You put the cup in the sink and went on another round of checking the boat lower deck.

As you stood up something red caught your eye in the distance, you took a few steps closer to the window, hoping you would see better at what it is. It was weird seeing something so bright in the distance, where only the gray waves were moving. But to your disappointment, you didnt got the answer, it was probably some coral from the shore. You shake your head slightly and moved to another task.

When you came up you noticed that it was already dark outside, shockingly it was the same tempetrure as throghtout the day. Which was a positive thing.

How long have I been downstairs? What time is it? I didn´t have lunch... again.

As many thoughts at the same time speed through your mind, you heard something under the boat. You just closed your eyes, taking few deep breaths to calm your nerves. You put down the paperwork and the pen you were holding. Making your way to the kitchen, youve notice that you didn´t even drank much water. Cursing yourself, you drink a half of the bottle right away. The fresh water finally hitting your needs. Refreshing shockwave going through your body. Every cell awaken and all of your sences light up. Already feeling better, taking a moment to make soup and overall just refresh yourself. As you´re finishing your food, you hear it again.

Bang.

This time is was way louder, so you took all of your courage to go out and look what it was. Sometimes you were tought, or maybe you just act before you think things through. You were terrified of the dark and most importantly what´s in it, but this time something made you go out. You were surprised by yourself, but you didnt question it, much.

When you got out you checked the boat, slowly analyzing if something is wrong.

Was it an animal? A fallen brench into the water?

"Hello?" You immidietly cursed yourself. "Im an idiot." You mumble as you walk around. "There is no more pathetic and stupid way to die then just say hello to the dark." You mumble under your breath.

After a while walking around the boat a big strike apeared on the sky. And after few second of a complete silence there was a big thunder coming, that made you run back inside. There it was the big storm you were so terrified of. It was way worse than the last time and you were hoping to survive it.

That´s a little bit dramatic, but your heart was pounding fast, your hands started to shake and even in this cold you very still incredibly sweaty, like if you just ran a marathon in the desert. After few hours of tinkinkng you´ll die, the storm suddently stopped, leaving you all tired and scared at the same time. Until youve heard another sound, it wasnt another bang, it was more like a humming.

Maybe someone from the sailors is here? But they are all men. Maybe someones wife? Again, your thoughts are running milions miles per hour.

The humming sounds so warm, like the old days, back in summer, where everything was colorfull, fuzzy and it felt generally so good in your ears. You stood up and without second guessing you step outside. There was complete silence, not a single person outside, The sun slowly coming out, trying to fight those stromy clouds that were showing the only evidence of heavy storm.

As soon as your hand laid back on the door handle a beautfiul voice start to sing a melodic song. You didnt understand it, it was some language you never heard, but you liked it, your brain might not understand the words, but your body understood the melody. And suddenly you didn´t felt cold, it was the other way around actually. Your cheeks were on fire, like you were running a fever, but you didn´t feel bad, no, you actually felt the best you ever did.

When you turn around you saw her. Unbeiebly beaitiful, goddess looking woman. Her hair was red, not like an apple red, more like a bright fire that is keeping you warm at the coldest nights. Each strand seemed to catch the sunlight that was finally going up, setting her aglow with a vibrant, fiery aura. Her green eyes were pierced at you, she was looking at you, waiting for your move. But you just stood there and watched her, your breathing started to speed up. You tried to remeber evertything about her, but as soon as your eyes fell lower, you noticed how light her skin looked. It reminded you of a fresh marble that was just ready to be cast in. But what caught your off guard the most, was her tail. You´ve never seen aynthing like that and it was very obvious, because youre face made it very well known. It was mixed feeling between shocked and amazed. The siren's tail was a fluid masterpiece, a shimmering blend of oceanic blues and greens. With each sinuous movement, it created a mesmerizing scene.

"Hey sailor." she smirked, her voice sound way raspier than it did when she sang.

"I- I- I´m not a sailor. This is uh not my uh- boat... I just work here." You stutter out, cursing yourself for seeing the prettiest woman your eyes have ever laid on and you ramble out this sentence.

"You just work here? Oh what a pity, I wanted to ask for some help." The red haired frown, which made you feel sad right away.

"I can help! I just... not my boat." You awkwardly chuckled out.

Her eyes immidietly fell back on you. "Oh really? I don´t want to bother since you´re not the sailor of this boat." Her voice sounded so soft, yet harsh at the same time. It was luring you, by every word she said, you felt different emotion each time. A good emotions.

"I mean I´m on a shift now, so teoretically I am sailor of this boat." You smiled, youre pupils were so big and you felt like you were in euhporia.

She smiled softly. Her smile could make a whole army fall to their knees. You knew it, but most imporatnly she did too. But there was only one person she want to fall on their knees. And that person was you.

"Okay then, sailor..." her raspy voice now coming lower to your body, slowly eletrucing you. "I just need a little favor, my tail..." She let out a little whine, completly changing her body language. She didn´t seem so confident, she looked so fragile and sad. And you have to help her.

"Are you hurt?!" You imidditetly walk closer to her. Crouching so youre on the same eye level. She place her hand on yours, looking at you and finally, she bonded. Her touch made you feel cold and warm at the same time. Butterflies flying everywhere not just in your stomach and her eyes. Her captivating eyes has already read you like a whole book. Her eyes were an entrancing shade of emerald, deep and captivating like the hidden depths of the sea. They held an enigmatic allure, with a hint of mischief and ancient wisdom that drew you in, ensnaring your heart and mind.

"A little-" she sigh and looks away. "-maybe you can help me get back, to safety, where no one can find us." The soft spoken woman look at you, making eye contact again, while her hand is still on yours.

"Us?" Your words caught her off guard.

"Yes, us, darling. You know, not all people are kind as you are. Youre the only one who ever made me feel safe. Youre the only one i can trust now. Youre-" she blinks a few times, leaning closer to you. "-youre my saviour. Will you help me, darling? Help us to get to safety? The world is too cruel and we need to decide right now."

This was the task you were waiting your whole life on here. Make sure she is safe, there is nothing else that is more important than this. You nod, still making eye contact.

"I will. Of course!" You nod again, taking this job very seriously, as you felt like you were born for this.

"Say it. Say what you were made to do, darling." Raspiness was now the only thing that you´ve heard. You were less and less interested in your work and your tasks before her.

Before her there was... was there anything before her?

"I will help you. I will help us get to safety." Your eyes scanned her face, hoping these words will help her.

"Thank you my darling, will you follow me? Please?" her eyes were watery, she´s holing back tears and that tears your heart.

"Yes." You say without hasitation.

"Yes, what, darling?" She asks.

"Yes, uh-" suddnely you feel this sensation, your head feels fuzzy and your view is more and more bright. Your words are caugh up in your throat, when you looked at her lips you can see them moving, but your ears cant catch the word she´s saying. But your mind does.

"Yes, mistress." you whisper back as it´s the only thing you can say.

As you closed your eyes for a second, the world around you seemed to blur and fade. The warm feeling never leaving your side.

Time itself shifted, as if you were wrapped in a comforting cocoon. The soft, rhythmic sound of waves crashing against the shore became a lullaby and there is it was again. Her singing. Her soft and heart warming singing.

When you finally stirred, it was as if you had awakened in a dream. The dimly lit cave, adorned with iridescent seashells and many other decorations, that suited the cave. And there, before you, was a siren of unparalleled beauty, her emerald eyes reflecting the cave's soft luminescence.

"Hello, darling..." she slowly moved towards you "...slept well?" her smirk grew wider as she saw your hand immidietly going between your legs as there was some unbeliveble aching you were feeling.

"I- uh huh" You only nod, not realizing that your hand is going lower on your body.

The siren´s hand falls on your cheeks as she tuck some of your falen hair behind your ear. Not even for a second breaking eye contact. Without second thinking you grab her hands and put them on your body, that was covered in your wet clothes.

"P-please!" Was all you could have said. She just chuckled and squeezed your breasts.

"You don´t even know my name and you want me to fuck you? Aww darling, youre way easier than I thought you would be. So so so easy" She tsked and suddenly, you didn´t felt her hands on you anymore.

"I don´t care!" You yelp as the aching was even worse now. Is this what drugs do to you? You just want more and more and still it isn´t enough.

The siren looked at you shocked, her hand was placed on her chest as a sign of being offended. "Darling, you don´t care what my name is? That´s rude." She pout. Tears immidietly filling her eyes. "And I thought you don´t want to hurt me, yet you´re just like the others." She looked away.

"Wait- No, no, no! Im not like the others, Im sorry! Im so sorry! I want to know your name. Oh gosh I didn´t want to be so selfish!" You grabbed her arm. "Please, tell me your name, I bet it´s beautiful just like you!"

"You think Im beautiful?" Her green eyes falling back on you.

"Very." You nod.

"It´s Natasha." She wiped her tears.

"Okay, Natasha. Im sorry for being selfish, It was really mean, let me make it up to you, please." You felt so sad, like every joy just left your body forever. Like you didn´t even experience a single happy thing in your life. Like everything was just dark.

"You´re right, you did act very selfish and mean. And you should definetly make it up to me, (Y/N)." Natasha seems so small right now, like a small fish in a big dark ocean.

"Anything you want, just please- forgive me." You basically whined at this point.

"(Y/N), you truly hurted my feelings, I don´t know. How can i trust you not hurting me again?" The horrible feeling of guilt is forming not just in your stomach, but also in your head now.

Natasha looked really hurt by your words. And you felt like if you´ll lose her, you´ll lose yourself, forever.

You squeezed her hand. "I will never. How can i prove it to you? Please..." You knew this will work. "... mistress, let me prove to you, I won´t ever hurt you and Im truly so sorry!"

Her eyes shifted, her pretty green color in her eyes just dissapeared and turned into black.

"Take of your clothes. They´re wet, you will get sick. Aren´t you cold, darling?" At her words you did feel the cold breeze. Actually you were freezing.

"Y-y-yeah, Im freezing." You said while your teeth chattered.

"Oh, darling! Clothes off, righ now!" She ordered and you did as she told. "I don´t want you catch a cold!" Her voice was caring, so caring you didn´t think you deserve it, after how mean you´ve been acting towards her.

As you stand there, completly naked the shivering didn´t end, it got even worse and your nipples could cut dimonds now.

"You´re still cold? Oh, darling, come here." She pointed at her tail. "My tail is warm, it´s gonna keep you from freezing to death." Her smile could cure everything negative thing in this world.

Without second guessing you almost jumped at her, your hand wanting to touch her tail, but you stopped yourself. "May I? Mistress?" Natasha just nodded. You hand immidietly touching her tail.

It´s so soft, oh my god and warm! So so warm.

"Sit on it, darling." She take your hands and guided you on her tail. "It will make you warm, so warm, it will end the shivers, I promise."

So you did. You sat on her tail and if you felt tingles everywhere before, then now there are tignles even in places you don´t have. Running your fingers along its sleek, supple surface was like caressing a piece of heaven. Its velvety texture and gentle, soothing warmth enveloped you in a sense of euphoria, as if you were touching a living embodiment of comfort and enchantment, a sensation that melted away all of your less important other thoughts.

Natasha noticed you´re still shivering and put her hand on your hips. "Darling, if you start to move you will stop shivering. Fast friction makes heat and you really need to be in heat now, darling." Natasha was right, her words were exactly what you needed, but you just didn´t know how.

How can I do this? I don´t want to hurt her tail.

"You won´t hurt my tail, darling. I will guide you, okay?" Her strong hands squeezed your hips and slowly made you move back and forth. "Just like that, you´re doing so good."

After a little while you start to get the hang of it and you felt that amazing friction again. Everything started to feel so good, all the lost joy, all the good feeling are back. All the happy thoughts.

"Oh my god- it´s really working!" You screamed.

"I know, darling. I can feel you on my tail. Keep going." She wispered in your ear.

You did. Oh boy, you did. You moved your hips back and forth faster and faster. And at the same time it got easier, maybe it´s the tail, or maybe it´s the fact that your juices were all over Natasha.

You definetly felt the heat.

Few moments before you came and let all of your juices on the siren´s tail, she started to sing again. In the same language you couldn´t understand before, but you can now. It´s like you know the song all your life.

"Come seek us where our voices sound,

We cannot sing alone in the dark,

And while you're searching, ponder this:

We're gonna take what you'll sorely miss,

But not for long you gonna think,

Let us help, and you won´t sink.

Your life might have been so perfect,

Too late, it's gone, it won't come back."

After the red head stopped singing, she looked at you and finally closed the gap between you two. Your first kiss was a moment of exquisite tenderness, a meeting of souls that overlap the boundaries of land and sea. As their lips brushed together, it was a gentle, captivating exchange of warmth and desire. In that soft, lingering kiss, they found a connection that was as deep and boundless as the ocean itself, a love that defied all expectations and left you utterly in her arms.

"I forgive you, darling." Natasha said and you knew, you found your life task. As she holds you close on her tail your eyes fell back into the warm fuzzy feeling, you didn´t mind be in forever.

Hope you enjoyed first day of KINKTOBER!

Thank you for reading!!!

#adele writes #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #kinktober 2023 #marvel universe #natasha romanoff smut #siren!nat #first day

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everythingsinred · 1 year

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what follows is a long, rambly, and possibly sappy thank you note to the best fandom ive ever involved myself in. if you have ever sent me an ask, commented on my fics, or replied to a post i made (or even liked it tbh)--then this post is for you. (and this is most certainly not a good-bye or even close; i just occasionally get into sappy moods)

i want to start working on a career that i like, and my mom’s recommendation was to start a writing blog (she insisted i dont call it that though--to call it a “website” so it sounds more professional when i apply for writing gigs). its not the first time shes given me that advice but i have for some reason always resisted that idea before. “nobody would read it” was always the bottom line. that whole “it has to be perfect to make up for the fact that it’s me” has always been my outlook on anything i produce. its why i feel so poorly whenever i post a new chapter of a fic or any art ever. its why im taking so long on the next batch of ga essays. its why ive never formally submitted any writing ever for publishing. why would anyone read anything i have to write, especially with no dead fandom to prompt them? who would choose me out of all the aspiring writers out there?

for ga it was a bit easier after a bit of breaking through the initial anxiety of sharing bits of myself. its a small fandom. not much content going around. theyd take anything right? even if it was from me!

but something really weird happened these past few years in the ga fandom. i started writing essays and became more vocal, posting my thoughts, writing a long, dark, fucked up fanfic. i got feedback from people who wanted more from me. theyd ask me my thoughts on things, when id never considered myself an authority on anything or even very interesting to talk to (a lifetime of being the substitute friend will do that to you). ppl sent me asks about questions. they replied to my posts to further discuss things. me! what on earth?

then it got weirder. i posted my weird messed up little fic and now every once in a while ill get a comment from a person that says that my fic is their favorite, not just in the fandom, but ever. EVER. what? a couple of people have told me that they’d read anything i wrote, even if it had nothing to do with gakuen alice.

that they’d read something just because it was me.

this isnt a rant or a vent. something has changed in my self esteem in the past few years because today, when my mom told me i should start a “writing website” and post weekly writing, it actually sounded like a decent idea. no part of her advice was different than it had ever been, but i was. i could for the first time imagine starting a blog (website) and picture someone actually liking what they found there. and that’s bc of the ga fandom and bc of the writing ive done it for it and SPECIFICALLY the writing ive actually had the guts to share.

none of it has been perfect. im lazy when it comes to self-editing and when i finish writing a chapter im eager to just throw it out there instead of rereading it once, let alone twice. a lot of it has been imperfect, but you guys still read it. you enjoyed it, even. “it has to be perfect to make up for the fact that it’s me” has never been a problem for you. for whatever reason, quite a few of you like me, like my writing, like my ideas and thoughts. a couple of years ago i wouldnt have been able to fathom that, not even in my wildest dreams.

im proud of myself for taking those first steps a couple years back, for posting those first couple posts and letting myself get involved in the fandom for a manga ive loved for half my life. im proud because if i hadnt done that, then maybe my self esteem wouldnt have developed like this. maybe i wouldnt have been able to picture a career in publishing as clearly as i can now. i obviously still have issues as far as my self esteem is concerned. i second-guess myself. i talk down to myself. i put off rereading bc i dont want to hate what i create. but you guys have helped me like my writing and helped me see that other people can like it too.

i am beyond grateful for that. i dont get a lot of traction or feedback like i would if i were in a larger fandom, but i dont mind. the feedback that i do get is of such good quality and has meant so much to me that it has potentially changed my life. i just needed you all to know that. that the people who have sent me asks, both on and off anon, requesting my thoughts on any topic; the people who leave comments on ffn and ao3, giving support ranging from long paragraphs to a brief sentence; the people who dm me or message me to share their thoughts on my work; the people who commented on my natsumikan essays telling me that ive helped them see something from a different perspective--you all have helped me see that there’s value in the things i create.

i just want to say thank you. it has meant so much to me so far to be able to feel so confident in my writing. i really didnt even notice the change until today. how bizarre is it that something so important can change without you even noticing? i look forward to sharing more with you, from more fics to the mikan essay (which still has to be perfect, just maybe not as perfect as it wouldve had to be a few years ago lol).

don’t be nervous that this a good-bye. it is not. it’s strange because whenever i’ve said anything like this (sent a message of adoration to a person i love, for example), people think it’s a bad sign. that i’m saying good-bye, or that it’s somehow a sign of something unsaid. i understand. this kind of nonsense sappiness (like all that stuff i wrote up there ^) is usually saved for the ffn bio when someone is leaving the site, for the good-bye post when someone decides to leave a fandom. “you’ve all meant so much to me and i’m leaving now.” that’s because usually people save all the important things for the end. you only say how you’ve felt when you say farewell. i don’t think life should be that way. i’m not saying good-bye, i’m saying i love you. i think people should say that more. i want people to feel good about themselves for what they’ve done, however small, to make my life--and undoubtedly the lives of others--a little brighter. and you have. you should know and i don’t intend to keep it to myself until i say good-bye (whenever or even if that happens).

tldr; i love you gakuen alice fandom <3 youre not dead because dead things cant give life the way you have.

#me and the gakuen alice fandom: a love story for the ages #my beautiful messiah.#if i ever come across as confident #especially in my older posts #that is incidental. i am always nervous to press post. this fandom has helped me grow so much yall have no idea #ga #gakuen alice #little anya things #this is partially a musing on my conversation w my mother abt the website #but also partially a response to every post on the ga tag complaining abt the dead fandom #i feel like its maybe unfair to judge the fandom based on how few ppl post (when its not even that few--i do track the tag)#when so many ppl love it and are eager to jump in on conversations to talk about it #it may be small but its passionate. passion is the lifeblood of any media that has stuck around in ppls hearts as long as ga has #i dont think that should be understated #my advice as someone who also mourned the 'death' of the fandom:#talk anyway.#youll bring all the ghosts out <3 and theyre for the most part quite friendly #if nobody reads this thats okay. i just needed to say it

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fang11803 · 2 years

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Wrow Colleen i sure am glad you reblogged that artist questions list three times today. I'm sure all of your followers and mutuals have already flooded your inbox with numbers, because its really easy to just click on a blog and type a single number into someone's ask box and hit the submit button, thus giving you the illusion that you aren't screaming into a void, but i just GOTTA KNOW what your answers would be for EVERY QUESTION, please.

Golly random anon, I'd be happy to do that. In fact, this will be the only ask I'll answer out of the windfall of messages in my inbox, because it's so convenient to have allllllll the answers on one post instead of many individual posts. How helpful of you.

1. Art programs you have but don't use: I've had a program on my computer for a while that lets you draw only in hexagons. It's neat but has limited uses.

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left, right, or center: Left.

3. What ideas come from when you were little: Well, Fang is my oldest oc, so anything having to do with her. I had a lot of cool ideas about werewolves when i was 12.

4. Fav character/subject that is a bitch to draw: I like plants a lot, especially Weird Plants(tm). The issue is when it comes to making a bunch of foliage for a background, i end up making everything look too samey or too busy.

5. How much of your art do you post online vs. Keep to yourself: I keep 90% of it to myself now for two reasons. 1) little to no feedback on pieces i worked hard on. 2) number 2 is personal but related to number 1.

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously: music, probably. Music affects my mood which affects what i want to draw.

7. A medium of art you dont work in but appreciate: Anytuing related to sculpture. From ceramics to metal work that stuff is cool af.

8. What's an old art project idea that you've lost interest in: when i was about 22 i had this idea for a comic series that was just me illustrating dreams from my journal. I didn't get very far because i didn't think people would enjoy it.

9. What are your file name conventions: up until I save the final draft it's called whatever, but after I'm done I usually do title_year_intendedUse

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw: Jackets. Or those skirt things i made up for world building purposes.

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing: Sometimes, usually music.

12. Easiest part of the body to draw: Hands.

13. Skip. Unnecessary drama starter.

14. Any favorite motifs: i love celestial bodies and floating crystals. And eyes.

15. *where* do i draw: at home. On my bed or at my desk.

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing: Clouds imo. They sure are there. In the sky.

17. Do you eat/drink while drawing: No thats messy

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken: ive worn out two drawing tablets and dried out much acrylic paint.

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw: jewelry

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy: architecture and interiors in perspective. I don't bother most of the time, but i really enjoy it when i take the time. It's like a puzzle.

21. Art styles nothing like your own, but you like anyways: pixel artists are Next Level Coolness

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing: i do wrist stretches

23. Do you use different layer modes: yes? Work smart party hard.

24. Do your references include stock images: if i can't draw the thing i google it and upload all the results directly into my brain and then hopefully i can draw it afterwards.

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by: one time someone saw a picture of Bill and asked why I drew a genderbend of that green haired girl from code geass, which I had never heard of at that point.

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended: have you ever been part of an art pipeline where you hand your drawing off to be digitally inked, and the other artist completely misinterprets the facial expressions you gave the characters, because this has happened on several occasions!

27. Do you warm up (etc): No oh my god.

28. Any art events you have participated in in the past: ive participated in a zine and a few game jams.

29. Media you love but doesn't inspire you artistically: most podcasts. I don't really draw anything for podcasts.

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated: i once did a big painting of Korra and Raava in a field of stars that i thought was beautiful but nobody else seemed to like it. I want to get it framed someday.

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doodlboy · 3 years

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5am woo!

#its done #its finally done #WOO!!!#but also now i feel super awkward abt posting it #1 bc im shit at dialouge #and 2 bc its very sappy and whatever and its just embarrassing ig???#i dunno #it'd be counter productive if i dont post it tho #since that was the point #mom was weird and kinda transphobic about it as usual #i was showing it to her through the process and at one point she was like 'is that two guys?' and i said 'yeah?' and then she said 'why??'#bc its my farmer and my husband from stardew valley??? 'so does that make you /GAY/???' 😑#then when my brother got home she was like 'ok explain this to me- she's a /girl/ who wants 2 be a boy but she has a husband-'#my brother was like 'in that circumstance yeah that'd be gay' and she was all 'well TECHNICALLY not....'#transphobic bullshit aside #hello #i hope youre having a good day #i applied for info from 4 different colleges today and got feedback from 3 so far #schools hard #pedigree rambles

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gumdecay · 6 years

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#ive been reworking this 4 like a week n i dont like it as much as i want 2 but summer is officially ovr so *shrug emoji*#summer used 2 b My Season n now it just leaves me feeling sick n sad n lonely :/#idk when it happened but i think when i stopped having ppl 2 spend it with which.. typical.. can only evr b happy when im not alone :/#im excited 4 the cold which i nvr used 2 b but i spent this whole summer w my ac on as cold as it goes so like. it wont b new ig. idk i feel #weird today i dont like it i dont like this but i got good feedback on the 1st version so.. that must mean st ig ? idk #talk2 me abt summer tbh n abt fall like.. hnstly talk 2 me abt nything im lonely lol :')#o

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leyencia · 2 years

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Convincing fools is tedious work

Viktor x Gn! Reader (SFW)

Part 2

Summary: You have a crush on your favourite inventor and your second favourite inventor finally convinces you to confess. Warnings: Angst (Fear of rejection), swearing A/N: The thought of Jayce having to get oblivious idiots together just wouldn’t leave my mind, so… here you go. I know I’m a little late for Valentine’s day :’( My exams are mostly over but I’m finding myself really not liking most things I write, so I’ll probably try to bury myself in books again to get some fresh air into my writer brain :> Like always, have fun y’all and interactions and feedback are welcome and appreciated! This time’s musical inspiration: Dont Know How - Ricky Montgomery Word count: 2,4k

Your fingernails burrowed into your palms, leaving burning indentations. It was better than thinking though, better than letting a single doubt get in the way of what you were about to do. Confess. Just tell him! had Jayce’s words been once you’d revealed your crush on his friend to him. I’m sure it'll be fine. He’s always so at ease when you’re around. Always at ease… Was that a good sign though? If he liked you back, shouldn’t he, well, be nervous or distracted or… anything else than calm? Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe you should turn around and think about this again. Apparently, Jayce had decided today was going to be the day. The day you’d confess to Viktor. He was adamant you’d have to do it despite swearing that he didn’t know of the other man’s feelings. Every time you asked why he was so insistent he’d just shrugged and said something about how you’d only regret never telling him.

He had prepared everything that was needed – which was, honestly, just getting himself out of the lab, so you and Viktor had some time alone. To your friend’s dismay though, you had taken your sweet time, so that when he returned from taking an especially long time making coffee, he found you, still shuffling through the hallway, cheeks tinted red, deep in thought.

You gave him a pained smile when you noticed him. He only rolled his eyes, before approaching and guiding you away from any ears that might listen. “I’m serious, Y/N. I can’t watch this any longer. Just go in there and… Do it. What’s the worst that could happen?”, he asked in a low and impatient voice. He’d been working on encouraging you to confess for a few weeks now with a commitment you’d only expect him to have for experiments. “Ugh, you have no idea”, you mumbled and looked up into his eyes. “First of all, the rejection itself. Then, I could risk this entire friendship depending on how he feels about it, you know?” Jayce sighed and there was a hint of annoyance in his voice when he spoke again. “That very much doesn’t sound like the Viktor I know and I’m sure you know that too. Stop overthinking so much, you’ll feel better when it’s out in the open.” His arms came to rest on your shoulders like he was a coach talking courage into one of his players. “And however he feels about you, I’m sure he values your friendship too much to let this get in the way. Okay?” While his words did encourage you somewhat, you still weren’t entirely convinced. “Well… yeah… But it could still get awkward even if he doesn’t want-“ “Y/N! I can’t listen to this anymore. It’ll be fine, trust me.” His hands tightened gently but firmly enough around your shoulders and he shoved you back towards the lab. “You’re gonna confess now.” He muttered something else under his breath along the lines of “I’ve about had it with you two”, but your brain was too focused on his first sentence to pay this one any mind. As you realised what he was doing your heart probably missed a few beats. Maybe a few too many. You felt lightheaded. Panic. Yeah, somewhere in all this mess, there was panic and lots of it. Fear. Fear of rejection and what if you ruined this perfectly good friendship and it got all weird and- Only when the old door cried out from being opened without warning did you return to reality from the panic-induced worst ‘what-if’s’ your brain could come up with. You felt Jayce’s hands leave your shoulders. You stared into the lab, a familiar big room that only your two favourite inventors seemed to fill perfectly. Other people just looked… lost in its entirety whereas the two men seemed perfectly in place. Like their purpose was here, discovering and improving the world. The tall frame hunched over the table was one you’d always recognise, an expected but also most welcome sight, in a position that could not possibly be comfortable. Not that he ever cared, no, sometimes he even slept like this. Jayce had told you that. Viktor. You felt the pace of your heartbeat pick up even more as you watched him. It almost felt wrong, looking at him invested in his work without him even knowing. But he looked so beautiful even though only his back was facing you. You could envision his steady and precise hands working on whatever had caught his attention, his golden eyes calm and focused until he discovered something new and exciting that filled his thoughts with an entire new array of possibilities.

Your favourite scientist. Content of embarrassingly many of your dreams. Who you were supposed to confess to. There was no reaction from him as the door opened. Either he hadn’t heard it in his workaholic focus, or he assumed it was just Jayce returning with the promised coffee. You looked up to your friend and panic kept spreading through your veins like a burning fire. Your eyes certainly told Jayce more about your feelings than you wanted, yet he still shoved you into the room. Not without giving you a reassuring pat on the back though. There was no way you could do this. It really felt like you couldn’t. Not that you weren’t aware how much more difficult things you’d managed, no, but they’d never felt like… like you could lose so much. And like it could be avoided entirely at the same time, if you just hid your feelings and stayed in that safety. But Jayce had other plans for you. “Viktor”, he called his friend’s name to gain his attention. “Yes?”, did a distracted voice answer. Fuck. Viktor hadn’t even bothered turning around. It was still possible to retreat. Not like Jayce could just keep you here or- “I ran into Y/N on the way and they told me they wanted to talk to you.” Too late. There was silence for a solid second and you watched the movements of him working cease, a hesitant and distracted action like he was taken off-guard. What if he doesn’t even want to see me? He does seem pretty busy with his work… Then, he laid down whatever he had been focusing on so deeply and turned around on his small chair to face you and Jayce. In a quick movement he rudimentarily tidied his messy brown streaks, yet one of them still found its way in front of his view.

When his eyes met yours, it made your heart weep a little, the exhaustion and fatigue clearly evident in deep eyebags that silently spoke of never-ending nights of research that pushed his own limits further and further. He really needs to take better care of himself. While you were analysing the inventor in front of you the other one had swiftly disappeared from your side after alerting Viktor’s attention. Ugh. Without much thought, your legs made their way to him. They felt stiff like you hadn’t used them for hours even though you just had. Viktor just looked at you, silent. Waiting. Oh god, you were supposed to say something, no? Oh fuck. Your mouth opened, almost by mistake, trying to get… something out. An explanation, an apology, an evasion perhaps… something. But you just stared at him, lips slightly parted like they had acted before your brain had. And maybe that was true. His eyes were round with expectation. It was a cute look on him, one he usually only spared promising experiments. “You… wanted to say something?”, he asked and looked up to you with his pretty amber eyes that seemed more intense than the man himself. His brows were furrowed, and you couldn’t help but want to run your thumb over his forehead to smooth out the wrinkles it caused. To take away the reason that made him worry in the first place. He felt around for his cane that had settled leaning onto the desk and grabbed it with a loose, well-accustomed grip like he’d never known anything else. Which, as far as you knew was true. You wondered how often it fell, just leaning there like that. He rose from the little stool and suddenly you had to look up to him. His free hand disappeared in his trousers’ pocket, something you’d noticed him doing every now and then, contrasting his well-put-together attire and manner of speech just a little without actually compromising it. Viktor was just so tall, it made you feel even smaller than usual like he was looming over you. Perhaps it intimidated you a little. But that wasn’t the only thing intimidating you right now by a long shot. Your now sweaty hands found the hems of your sleeves and nervously fidgeted with them, something you’d found yourself doing often in tense situations. You could just… lie to him, say you’d wanted to ask him something trivial, something about Jayce or literally anything else than confess your crush on him. Right? But you’d understood Jayce’s intentions well enough. The uncertainty of Viktor’s feelings, whether he liked you back or not, was torturous enough as is. You could end that right now. But you could also- “Yes”, you mumbled, interrupting your own thought process, before you could get caught up in a spiral of worry again, voice way shakier than you had wanted it to be. “I have something to say.” He seemed so utterly oblivious by the way he shrugged his shoulders casually. “Please do so, then.” You didn’t care how your exaggerated breath must have seemed to him, it felt like a necessity. Like you might suffocate in your fear without it. The grip of your fingers tightened even more on the fabric of your sleeves as you spoke, almost like they were looking for support. Support you desperately needed for the next few words. “I like you. A lot. Like… more than I probably should.” You laughed nervously, not even sure why. At this point, most things you did were involuntary and only to get through his nerve-wrecking situation. He just stared at you for a moment and then started to chuckle like you had just said something incredibly funny.

That sounded bad. Like, really bad. Had Jayce and you misjudged this situation this much? Misjudged his actual thoughts? Did he think your confession laugh-worthy because you weren’t even worth being considered an option for him? God, you’d been right. You should have kept this to yourself and- He seemed to realise what his action implied and almost tumbled over his next words. “No, I mean. Ah… Apologies. Please don’t misunderstand. I like you too. A lot.” Wait what? “You… like me?”, you repeated his words, not quite believing them. His laughter had seemed like a heart-breaking rejection. A faint smile started to form on his face, a shy, embarrassed look you’d never seen before on him. It seemed so contrary to his usual collected behaviour. It was utterly adorable. “Yes”, he said. “I apologise. I only laughed because of Jayce’s seemingly… tremendous efforts to this whole endeavour. He has kept… hm, pestering me, telling me to, how did he put it? ‘Get a move on.’” Hold up. What now? Jayce had known? You heard Viktor chuckle again as the emotions rushed over your face as you processed his words, a quiet yet incredibly amused sound. “This is his doing, yes? Am I safe to presume he convinced you to come here and did not unintentionally meet you in the hallway?” You could only nod, unsure as to how you even felt right now. Relieved, certainly, but also mad at Jayce that he had pushed you to confess when he could have just told you. “Well”, Viktor’s voice reached your ears, unusually quiet and hesitant, “perhaps we should… meet then?”

You had to swallow when you realised what he was actually saying. He was asking for a date, right? Involuntarily the corners of your mouth rose to a happy smile you really couldn’t suppress. “That sounds great.” Your words caused the same happy smile to appear on Viktor’s face. “There is… a nice café just outside the academy. What do you think if we went there tomorrow during our lunch break?” You knew that café. It was fairly quiet and had a touch to it that felt a little like home whenever you visited. It was perfect. “That sounds lovely.” He nodded and blinked a few times like he wasn’t believing the situation that was occurring right in front of his eyes. You felt the same.

“Splendid. I… look forward to it.” “Me too”, you said and scurried back to the door as quickly as you could, happiness mixed with a hint of nervous anticipation overtaking you entirely. You felt like you wanted to scream into a pillow because you were so overwhelmed with joy. “Good luck with your work!”, you quickly yelled behind you to the already sitting Viktor and barely heard the “Likewise” as you shut the door behind you. Only now did the fact that he had agreed to go out with you really sink in. Viktor had said yes. Your heart suddenly felt so light you feared it might just fly away if you didn’t pay attention. Oh god. You leaned against the door and excitedly ruffled through your hair with your hands until it was probably completely dishevelled. You couldn’t believe it. He’d actually said yes. To a date. “I assume that went well?”, you heard a smug, familiar voice approach and quickly tried to fix your hair at least somewhat. Then you did the only other thing you could think of and punched Jayce in the chest. “You knew! You fucking knew!”, you shouted before hugging him as tightly as you could. He returned your hug with his strong arms and chuckled. “Well, I figured it is better to do this in person. And I sure hope I was right because otherwise, I would have wasted so much time just convincing the two of you.” You wholeheartedly agreed. But he didn’t need to know that. Or at least you didn’t have to say it like that. “Idiot”, you whispered as annoyedly but at the same time lovingly as you possibly could. “You two were the idiots though, being so oblivious and all.” “Ugh, shut up, Jayce”, you mumbled into his chest, and then, more seriously and sincerely: “Thank you.” He quietly chuckled before letting go of you and patting you on the shoulder. “You’re welcome.” Then it hit you again. You had a date with Viktor. Tomorrow. Oh god.

#arcane #arcane viktor #viktor x reader #arcane viktor x reader #viktor x y/n #viktor arcane x reader #arcane x reader #arcane x you #viktor x you

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ryosmne · 3 years

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Safe Place.

Yakuza! Nanami Kento x gn Reader

Hello everyone, this fic is in collaboration with my dear friend @sunfloweroranges you can read their fic here :D

I kind of changed my writing style for this one, I'm trying out different things so let me know how it goes, feedback is always welcome, that's all from me hope you have a good time reading 💜

Summary: You're clueless

Warnings: mentions of blood, mature themes, mentions of murder and head chopping, language, yandare Nanami if you squint.

Grocery shopping is never fun when you're alone, especially making your way back home in the cold winter months, it gets dark so early.

A slight twist of your gut had made you walk back home in a faster pace. Turning your head every couple of steps, you never saw anything, yet this feeling never left even when you got through the main entrance of your apartment complex.

The elevator was broken once more, and you were already out of breath from rushing back, as you took the first steps up, your next door neighbor, who looked way too scary for your own liking bumped your shoulder on his way down.

Jeez he's in a hurry today.

Mumbling a quick apology, even though he was the one that was at fault, you quickly found the strength to run up the stairs and lock yourself in. Some short of commotion was coming from outside the complex that you didn't really care to hear.

That pink haired guy, your neighbor, who was build like a damn door, always got himself in some short of trouble, hearing him yell profanities or even throwing punches was a far too often occurance.

Why did he have to live right next door?

It's safe to say you did the best to keep the hell away from him, not that he seemed to bother with you, neitherless he was fucking scary.

Kento was ten minutes late, he was never late, except for the days that he had to clean up someone's mess, the days someone underestimated the power he held or the days someone dared speak your name. He wouldn't even tell them 'dont you dare speak their name' or anything along those lines. There was no warning when it came to mentioning yo,u only taking immediate action.

Naturally you were in the dark about all of that, Kento -or Ken as you would often referred to him as- kept you far far away from the darkness of his world. That was his way of keeping you safe and at the same time having you as his personal way out of his work and in his defence he didn't completely lie about his employment. He was an investor, just a bit of a different stock market than what you had in mind.

As far as you knew, Nanami Kento was an extremely successful business man, he chalked up his tattoo covered body as just his preferred style, since he is this good at what he does, he likes to say that his work place doesn't give a damn about his ink covered skin and the expensive gifts that he always pressures you to accept are just another benefit of his high profile job.

"Darling, I hope you didn't start without me." Wrapping your arms around your extremely sweet boyfriend you left a small kiss on his lips watching as the corners tagged upwards in an equally sweet smile the moment your lips left his.

"Of course not Ken, it's Friday remember?" Fridays are the established date nights in, you and Kento cook and dine together. More often than not you end up slow dancing to some jazz, or with you laying on his chest Infront of the fireplace, listening to his heartbeat, talking about life while he strokes your hair until the dawn.

Tossing him an apron, after he -like the gentleman he is- tied yours, you got to work on today's dish: Chorizo carbonara.

"You're never late on Fridays, bad day at work?"

You spoke while slicing some papers.

"Yeah, the stocks are all over the place and it's getting me stressed, but it's our night darling, anything else isn't of importance."

Kento always found a way of distracting you when it came to talking about his day, he is always quite vague and when his palm rested on the small of your back gazing down at you with those adoring eyes, it's hard to keep focused on anything other than him.

"Why don't you tell me about your day love?"

He always asked you that, Kento is in awful need of the calm that the mundane life you live carries. He craves to feel that, he still loves the power he holds over people, the way the mare mention of his name makes others tremble in fear of what the man will do to them shall they not comply to his requests -more accurately orders-

"Thankfully work was pretty good today, I finished grocery shopping so we could cook, I got us that wine you really loved too. The neighbor is being weird again but that's not new, maybe moving out isn't a bad idea."

Everything was like music to Kento's ears untill that last sentence. You had mentioned moving out before, but Kento always found a way to convince you not to. The rent was good, this house is close to your work, he would always reason with you until you changed your mind. He never pushed too hard fearing that you'd suspect something, but you only smiled and ended up agreeing with him.

You see, unbeknownst to you, your weird neighbor is Nanami's most trusted man, he's protecting you twenty four hours a day, even as you walked up the stairs today he dealt with another threat that was headed right your way. No, you cannot move before you know everything, but Nanami can't bring himself to break your bubble, he loves you and you love him, the real him, he would never scare you by letting you take a peek at his point of view. Maybe he should run away with you afterall.

"He doesn't look that bad, love. I'm sure he wouldn't hurt a fly."

Nanami knew he was capable of a lot more than that but it was true, your neighbor was an ally and although he would hurt lots of people, you were on the list of people to be protected and Sukuna took his bosses orders very seriously.

"Besides, my love, anyone would have to get through me first before attempting to lay a finger on you."

With the way his lips moulded on yours and his velvety tone, how could you not believe every single word that just came out of his mouth. Kento would die before letting anything happen to you, that little statement helped bring you comfort.

"You must really love my house Ken, can you pass me the butter?"

The moment your back was turned, Kento let out a breath of relief. That little voice in his head he always pushed away yelled at him to tell you everything, he burried it in the back of his mind once more.

"Can you believe that? I swear she drives me insane- Ken are you listening to me?"

That was weird, Kento always gave you his full attention. Perhaps he was tired today.

"Yes darling, you were talking about that Satoru guy, the one who annoys you at work."

Yeah you were, but that was while you were still eating, about twenty minutes ago.

"Babe, you're tired, let's go to bed, we can pick up where we left off another time, you need to rest."

The habit of staying up all night on Fridays had really stuck, but sleeping when your partner clearly needed to, is very much on schedule although it rarely ever happened.

Getting up from the sofa, tagging at Kento's arm to follow you to the bedroom had Kento irritated at how concerned you grew for him. He still feels you're too good at times, all the time to be exact.

You only heard him sigh before he pulled you back on the sofa, having lost your balance in his sudden move, you landed on top of him.

"Stay with me a little longer my love, I'm sorry I spaced out, I'm all ears for you now."

Another invitation for you to just talk to him, he didn't care about what. Kento loved the tone of your voice, how it changed pitch depending on what emotion you held or what you were talking about. His voice was quite monotone, like everyone else's around him. He had to grow thick skin and throw away all short of feelings, but everything he locked away years ago came rushing back the moment he spilled coffee on you six months ago. You hadn't even complained about the burning sensation on your skin as he helped clean you up, you just gave Kento a smile telling him that everything was fine and these things happen.

In his world they don't, someone can breathe the wrong way and lose their head, all it took was your damn smile and that statement to get him to need something different than what he had. Kento never thought he missed a thing, he found out how wrong he was that very day.

Sometimes he wished he never took the time to help you out back then, but that was only because he didn't know that he'd put you through all this.

"So I'm just sat there in a staring contest over the last price of cake, I won but my eyes still feel a bit dry."

You laughed, Kento stared down at you with a fond smile, your head on his lap and your hands tangled in his, brushing his knuckles and examining every bit of his skin with such care, God you were beautiful all over.

While Kento's hands were very interesting a small detail in the cuff of his shirt got your stomach to drop.

"Ken, is that blood?"

He swore he cleaned up, he always cleaned up before coming back to you, he never missed a single splatter. Maybe rushing home after not one, but two people tried to harm you today put him on edge.

He had missed a single drop. He was absolutely disgusted that even that tiny part of someone who dared to say the name y/n out loud infront of him and even threatened your existence was anywhere near you.

"Sweetheart that's probably tomato sauce from cooking, thanks for pointing it out, you know I hate staining my clothes, I'll go change."

Your meal didn't contain tomato sauce.

Why was your gut telling you that something was off?

Kento seemed a bit tense tonight, was it just a bad day at work?

He never really conversed on his profession. The huge dragon that started from the back of his thigh, ended on his left shoulder covering his entire back was just his 'style'. You swore you heard him talk to the pink haired man who lived next door but he told you he was on the phone. Everything little bit of suspicious behaviour you had previously payed no mind to, came to you. On top of that what was his reason to lie about a drop of blood on his sleeve? He could've said it was a paper cut or something, Why did he lie?

Behind the bathroom door Kento only cursed at him self.

Why didn't he lie better?

#jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #nanami x reader #nanami kento #nanami kento x reader #yakuza nanami #au nanami kento #jjk drabbles #jjk anime #jujutsu kaisen drabbles #jujutsu kaisen oneshot

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captain-aralias · 3 years

Text

Life stuff

this feels kind of weird, because i’ve never used my tumblr like this, but i would have written something on my livejournal, and i want people to know - i just dont want to have to tell people about it, or really talk about it at all.

but i also wanted to write this, idk.

(TW: impending death of a parent)

my mum has cancer.

it’s a rare form of cancer, called peritoneal cancer, which is similar to but different from ovarian cancer - i think it mostly gets diagnosed (like my mum’s) when it’s too late to do anything about it. all the treatment has been palliative only i.e. letting her live as long and as comfortably as possible.

she was diagnosed in september last year - about a year ago, a few months after running the ‘virtual’ london marathon on the isle of wight, where she lives, and obviously deep in lockdown.

as someone undergoing chemo, she was deemed extremely vulnerable to covid, and so she spent most of the early pandemic isolating. she also said she didn’t see any point in my brother and i visitng her, particularly given the risks, because we could talk via facetime - which is fair enough - all of which meant my brother and i didn’t go to visit her until May this year, after she’d done the first lot of chemo and was already doing much better again.

a few months after that, we found out that while she’d responded really well to the chemo, her cancer wasn’t responding at all to the maintenance drugs that were suposed to stop it coming back, so she came off the drugs completely. medical advice was basically chemo is as effective whenever you do it, so you might as well enjoy your life for a while, we’ll monitor it every month, and when things start to get too bad, we’ll put you back in chemo.

it’s friday tomorrow - so two fridays ago, i saw my mum in london after she’d just seen hamilton with her partner, graham. both of them loved hamilton. her hair had grown back, she seemed pretty normal. about a week later, she was in A&E - and she’s been in the hospital all week. she’s got a total bowel obstruction, which means she can’t eat and hasn’t eaten since last week.

now in a weird situation where there are a few tricky, difficult options (including being moved off the island back onto the mainland to a bigger hospital) that will mean that she stays alive long enough to get the chemo, which will probably get her back to hamilton-watching strength, or ... she could die really soon. like, in a few days.

we can’t visit. her partner can’t visit because covid - there’s this really sad-making photo of him looking happy on the phone through a window to my mum, also on the phone, inside the hospital.

i feel...

???? :( :( :( ....

i guess this is the main point of the post. i’m not writing this crying, i’m writing it pretty neutrally - because my brain isn’t really processing it right now, and mostly doesn’t process it.

i did cry earlier today while on the phone to various people, and then i went back to work. i hate crying, i hate being sad, and i dont like people comforting me, because it makes me realise that i have something to be sad about.

i’ve known she had cancer for a year. i haven’t been able to hang out with her most of that time. i would say, we are fairly close, although not nearly as close as some families. we don’t talk every week, but we talk regularly, and have seen each other regularly.

i’m so incredibly privileged that nothing that bad has ever happened to me, even though i’m 35. i’ve never been to a funeral, which seemed like a major life win and now i think was a mistake, i should have gone to funerals for people i card about less to help get used to it.

the literal only comparison i have to how i feel is when my cat Anton died suddenly about 3 years ago - i handled it with a mix of not thinking about it, being intensely sad for as brief a period as i could, and probably by thinking about how sad my girlfriend was about it, and sort of sidestepping my own feelings in comparison.

i remember when my last remaining grandparent died - and i was about 14 or something - i wasn’t sad for myself, i was only sad for her my dad being sad. for ages, i worried that i was not going to be sad enough about this - and i still sort of am.

but i also passionately hate the idea of being sad and i know i’ll look to avoid it as much as possible, and try and get on with my life.

i know my mum dying isn’t about me - when people write after death it’s about the person who died, obviously. that makes sense. but this post isn’t about my mum, who is a very cool person, much cooler than me - it’s about me. because i am self-obsessed and this is going to wreck my life for a while.

it’s weird, because i can see it on the horizon but it’s not happening yet. and i dont know whether that’s good or bad - i feel like it’s good, in a way. someone ages ago told me that the grieving period starts when you get the news. that seems very true to me - but also, i know that it’s going to ramp up, and so i’m like in the expectation of true grief right now.

it’s sort of like she died, but also is still going to die, but also i can magically still talk to her. which is really nice, in a way, it’s like a second chance, because i know i didn’t reach out enough before she had cancer. and i’m aware enough of my own actions that i know this is what’s been going on in my head the past year - i should reach out more, because she has cancer, but i dont want to make it seem like i’m reaching out because she has cancer, even though she knows i know she has cancer....... and also, i’m busy writing this fic. /o\

the fact that she seemed to recover (even though my mum insisted on saying ‘i am not recovered, i’m going to die soon’ like several time as a day as a disclaimer) also totally messed with my head, because i knew logically - ok, it’s happening. but also, things seemed so normal when we speak. even when i called her today, and she hasn’t eaten for a week, it seemed normal.

btw - i realised this week i had no idea how cancer killed people. my mum is a scientist and has looked up all kinds of things about what’s killing her; i’m clearly a simon snow and didn’t want to think about things i can’t help. if you’d asked me, i’d have said like... it poisons you or something, or blocks bloodflow to your brain. not what i think will actually do it which is.... starvation. or being too weak to survive being pumped full of the poison that is intended to kill the cancer. (that one i guess i could have predicted.) man - cancer sucks. i mean, we all knew it.

(i failed to get into cambridge university at interview stage, many years ago. the man who interviewed me gave me some extremely memorable feedback, which is that i needed to dial back the ‘defensive irony’ - which i thnk in that context meant i put myself down and tried to make a joke of everything. i remember when i got the phonecall to say Anton, my cat, was dead, i literally did not know what to do with my voice - because my instinct was to try and make the vet feel better, and also to present myself as bright and capable, and yet this unexpected and devasting news had just come through. rainbow wrote something sort of similar because she’s a good writer, for shepard as he tells penny about his curse. i feel like that.)

what else did i want to say?

i thought i had more time. ‘hamilton’ will probably always be tied to this moment in my mind, because of how much i’ve spoken to my mum about it in the past few weeks (i sent her the remix - she liked it, she listened to it in hospital while trying to drink more than 100ml of fluids) but yeah - this is basically a line from hamilton here. whatever. don’t make me feel my own feelings, let me just quote things. i dont like my own feelings. (no, i dont want to go to therapy - they’d make me talk about my feelings all the time, i’m british for god’s sake.)

i’m 35 - my mum is 68. i didn’t think she’d die this early or that i’d have to deal with this yet. but then i also don’t think bad things are ever going to happen to me - because mostly they haven’t, see above. i wear a mask and am double vaccinated because i’m not an asshole, but i dont really believe i’ll get covid because bad things don’t happen to me. i didn’t think my mum would die - maybe ever, but definitely not yet. she’s been retired a decade after teaching (science) and has enjoyed it.

i thought i had time to not have kids yet - which is the other thing (like hamilton) that this moment is really tied up with for me. i feel like 35 is getting quite old, but also not that old to still not have kids, but intend to maybe have them. my feelings about kids were basically like - up until like 25, i thought, yes, definitely. i mean, before i had a realtiosnhip (22-ish), i just assumed i would probably have a het marriage and have kids etc, like people do, but after that we were still talking, yes, children at some point.

didn’t prioritise it for a few reasons - none of my close friends had children until quite recently, so it just didn’t seem like an urgent thing in the way that it probably does for people with different friendship groups. waiting to be settled enough in a job to be able to take maternity leave without it feeling like a rip off for my employer. waiting for a good time in erin’s PhD writing cycle. and then pandemic. and then a few years ago, maybe as i turned 30, i thought - maybe we won’ have kids, because we still haven’t - and i vocalised that to erin.

also, i know a lot of people are gay and have children, so it’s not like it’s a thing that is impossible at all, but it’s much much harder if you have to leave your home and your relationship in order to get a child. it has to be a very very conscious decisions. i have friend who are men who have good genes, but we’re not so close i want to ask them for their sperm/to be involved however remotely in making a child - and (i was surprised to discover) (what a lot of things i dont know anything about) you an’t really just buy sperm, it’s not truly legal except through a clinic. and it’s extremely expensive to get inseminated in a clinic, and the NHS don’t really do that, so you do have to pay it. i thought kids would be expensive after they were born, but not before. and i REALLY wanted a house, much much more than - i think even today - i’ve ever wanted a child. i REALLY wanted a house - and now we have a house, and it’s pretty good. but - that’s where the money went, until the pandemic - thanks pandemic - so now we do have some disposable cash at last, because i didn’t commute.

but now erin is worried about climate change - and wheher it’s right to bring more children into the world, and other things. and.... i think i do want to be pregnant, it’s what i’m planning for - don’t leave this job (which admittedly i also really like, and pays me well - i dont thin i need to leave) because next stop maternity leave, but.....

i don’t know whether i am thinking, time ot have kids because my best friend just had a baby (the baby’s name is horatio - for real, i actually love this name) (i also haven’t seen her or the baby except over skype, because anna - my friend - is, like my mother, also scared of pandemic) and my brain is like - ok, well, if anna is doing it, i guess the time is here

AND - i know there’s a large part of me that was like, gotta be pregnant and ideally have the baby before my mum dies so she gets to see that she had a grandchild. my brother and i are both queer, btw, in case you were wondering - he’s considering whether he wants to transition right now (but is still happy with he/him pronouns) and - you may find this astonishing, but i genuinely don’t know whether he’d consider himself ace, or has been in relationships. he’s very private, he has OCD and is in therapy - but anyway, he’s probably not having kids anytime soon (i think!) and graham - my mum’s boyfriend/partner of 10+ years. -has grandchildren, but my extremely middleclass white (but definitely not conservative voters, always 100% not-tory) parents ended up with me and my brother.... and i don’t know, as i say, i don’t know whether my brain is saying ‘have kids before it’s too late’ - although i know by now that it will be too late. even if my mum recovers from this, this time, i don’t think i can produce a child before she dies - and she isn’t asking me too, she’s not like that, but i would have liked her to be there. i thought she would be.

so - i’m thinking about that. also, about getting a dog. i really want a dog - although i don’t want to upset the three cats (one we’ve had for eight years or so, the other two we got after Anton died). it’s ALSO really hard and expensive to get a dog. you’d think with all these ‘a dog isn’t just for the pandemic, a dog is for life’ type adverts around, that it would be easy to adcidentally get a dog - i’ve looked! you ccan’t get a dog unless you have no cats and you’re super experienced and can take a dog with lots of trauma or medical problems, or you’re willing to pay thousands of pounds. like - even for a regular not even pedigree dog - at least a thousand. pedigree dog - several thousand. i dont want a puppy either - i want a dog.

and - this is embarrassing to admit, but i’ve alrady told erin - i genuinely had a phase of being super annoyed when i’d read fics where someone just ‘got a dog’. it’s not that simple!!! it’s fiction, it doesn’t matter - chill out. the baby thing too - although weirdly not fics where magic meant it was possible to get a baby, weirdly it was smut. i had a brief week or so of crazy (and i don’t think i am that crazy) where i’d read about fictional semen and just be like - wtf, it’s so hard to get hold of that shit. (it’s not real, this isn’t real semen being wasted, calm down - and i dont even really know if i want kids, i might just think i do.)

the other thing about the bad thing being soon but not yet (but also being all the time, but not if you dnt think about it) is that i’m thinking - should i prioritise writing my remix now, in case my mum dies and i’m too sad to do it, and then i didn’t do my remix? i was definitely thinking this while writing classroom politics (i hope my mum doesn’t die becaue i dont want to be too sad to miss the deadline) and in the run up to AWTWB .....

today i wrote a list of things for work that would need to be picked up if i have to unexpectedly stop working, either because i’m too sad, or because i have to do funeral stuff, or .... i guess legal stuff about settling the estate. (i guess this happens to a lot of people, too, but it’s also a bit of a mindfuck that my brother and i will inherit her house and a bunch of cash when she dies - i’m pretty well off, my brotehr does virtual reality theatre stuff so really isn’t - we’ve talked about how much easier both of our lives will be with a huge injection of cash, and how we dont know what to feel about that) (great news, dogs and kids are really expensive! time to find out whether i really wanted to spend my money on those.) told people i like at work that it’s coming, and that i dont want to talk about it. and mostly just... carrying on with life, really. until it happens.

it’s so weird how easy it is to carry on most of the time.i know my mum’s partner is not doing nearly so well - he has to cope with an empty house and he’s retired. i’ve had periods - including right now - where i wake up every morning and check my phone to see whehter someone called me or texted me to tell me it’s over. but most of the day i’m actually really fine. i even had an ok day today. and i don’t know whether i want that to be the case, or whether i shouldn’t let myself do that. i dont know what i should prepare for in terms of where i’ll be - will i want lots of stuff to distract me (this is my guess) and work is very good for that, or i will want to clear time and space because i can’t operate and dont want people to offer me comfort. (FYI - this post isn’t written to make people say anything to me, i definitely dont want to talk about it, so please don’t feel you either have to comment or check in on me - i don’t really want you to. it’s enough to have written it, in my own time, in my own space.)

i think i wanted to write this post in a way because i thought i probably wouldnt want to write it after my mum died - because i probably wouldn’t want to say anything about it at all, for a few years.

my mum keeps telling me about the show ‘jane the virgin’ - which she’s half way through. shhe asked me to give it a try, so i did (she often tells me about shows on radio 4, which i rarely listen to. i thouht i had more time.) i’ve watched an episode (because she has cancer, i should listen to her recommendations)(but i dont want her to know that’s why i did it) and i do quite like - it’s light and frothy and well cut together (although about kids and artificial insemination, of course). i guess in a worse case scenario where i’m too sad to work or write, i will probably watch a lot of this show - which is incredibly not sad - and feel sad about how my mum never finished it.

BUT ALSO SHE MIGHT BE OK. for a while.

i dont know how i feel, blargh. anyway. this was a long post. i think i wrote it mostly for me. feelings are weird. covid really sucks and so does cancer.

going to order some chicken and watch inuyasha.

#my content #tw: death #tw: death of a parent #tw: death of a loved one #personal #tw: cancer

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snickiebear · 3 years

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yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)

ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you.

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them.

As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are.

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

OMGG okok

@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD.

@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn

@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL.

fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks

i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A.

When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip.

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH.

@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about.

@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it.

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA

Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka

Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it.

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay.

I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time.

Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH

Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?

Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.

Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps.

As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing.

It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.

Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA

40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?

AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO

so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.

Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.”

The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic.

I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))

ask me shit plz

#silly things from silly friends

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pbandjesse · 2 years

Text

I mixed CBD icy hot into my regular lotion the other day. I am not always very minty and I have convinced myself that it helps my general aches feel better. I don't know if its actually true, but its nice to feel like you're doing something.

I slept okay last night. I woke up a lot. Had a lot of dreams. James didn't sleep good and I woke up surprised they were still in bed, like 4 separate times. They did not sleep well. So they had stayed in bed.

We were both off this morning. In a weird mood. Feedback to each other just putting the mood all off.But we got up and got dressed and tried to make the most of it.

I love the dress I wore today, except the waist stitching pulls up over my boobs and it very annoying!! If I just put a bra on this probably wouldn't be an issue. Like a sports bra to flatten me out. But I didn't think of that until later. So I just had to suffer.

James was heading to their parents' to do laundry. So they drove me to work. We left a little to early and even with stopping for breakfast, we were still very early!

So we hung out in the parking lot. Enjoying the quiet of scrolling on our own phones.Until I saw Stanley come out of the front door so I knew I could get in so that was all good. I said goodbye to James and headed in.

Stanley said "Youre here again?!" and I said "I don't want to be!!" Which wasn't entirely true. I needed the distraction.

Today is my sister's birthday. I had thought 42nd, but actually her 43rd. I have had a lot of thoughts about her. Not surpringlying. I have a lot of feelings. And its not exactly guilt, but its near that. I also keep thinking about when it will hit me? Will it be today? Christmas? When I turn 43 and am older than she ever will be? Am I feeling bad because I feel slightly cheated. Cheated out of a relationship with her, with her kids. Cheated out of having a wild child sibling to tell stories about. Cheated out of feeling happy while being engaged, because the two will always be intermingled? It's a little of all of it. But no one knows how to deal with this weight in your ribs, not really.

So I talked about her for a little bit to Estelle. Estelle is a lovely woman. She explained that she is Jewish and she has holidays coming up, something that made me laugh, that she wasn't sure if I knew what Hanukah was. But we talked and it was good.

And the kids today were just wonderful. Me and Estelle got the programs set up, and she made me feel all good about myself, telling me my shortcuts and tricks for programs were so smart. She has such good mom energy.

And the kids were so on board. Once they were in I got to have the 2nd graders and we got right into the programs. The little kid tour was so fun.

They all wore their costumes, I would ask them a question like "Who is good at math? Who likes helping people? Who loves ice cream?" etc, to choose who got what job. Make them all feel like their jobs were important and special. And it was really just a blast.

The child I made the security guard helped me so much make sure everything went easy, especially at the end n the bank. Where he made sure everyone did their names in their books. And because he was so excellent we had time to go in the car! Which everyone always loves.

Their next program was city builders. Which I dont think I have done since before the pandemic? I honestly cannot remember. But it went well. And the kids were just so fun. Just a sweet group.

I had some nice chats with a parent while we cut out the kids' houses they had colored. I had made a comment to a child about the proper order of a rainbow, ROY G BIV, and said that I organize my closet that way. And so this mom asked if I had kids, and when I said no but I hope to in the next few years, she said she will come back and see if I still organize that way. And I said I probably would because Im neurotic. We had a good laugh.

Once the kids' program was done they helped me clean up, and then it was just getting them to lunch and picking up all the stuff from the programs. I put all the costumes away, made sure they had tokens in their pockets, and were ready to go, because I have to do that tour again tomorrow! I hope it is another nice group.

James was already there to pick me up. I had to talk to Mike for a few minutes but I was happy to be going home. Even if I would just be jumping back on the computer to do a virtual field trip again. Just watching, but still.

So we got home. We put away laundry. I cleaned the apartment a little while I waited for my food to cook in the oven. Texted with Charlie to make a plan to hang out tomorrow. We will see if he follows through. Love the guy but he is not great at that.

The virtual field trip went well but was running late again because of tech issues. So I would work on some bears. Got them flipped and put in eyes. I showed Mike and he seemed really excited about them and wanted to try to come to the market where Im doing the build a bear project. So now I have to make sure I knock it out of the park!

I got 12 bears ready. I will make more this week for sure, but I could not sew while I was listening. I tried my best to pay attention but it was hard. Looking back I should have hand sewed, instead I was just sitting very stupidly in my kneeling chair and trying my best to listsen.

Once that was done I said goodbye to Mike, asked a few questions, and agreed to do an outreach program next week, which is scary because I have never done that, but will totally be fine. I am glad to be able to be useful at my job. Love my job. And really I should never say no to hours if I can help it, since I dont work normal hours.

James had gone out on a long bike ride, they had had the day off today, and they deserved the nice time out. While they were gone I did my styling I had to do today. Which was only mildly annoying. But I got paid today so that's nice.

As I finished up and went to hang out on the couch to play animal crossing, James got home. They showered and had a great energy going. We had some laughs. I played my game. I decorated my island homes. I got super excited when I realized I could invite one of my residents to have a second home. And I got to design the cafe and it just looks so good. I need to figure out a better way to photograph/video them because they are great.

James made us dinner. And we hung out. They would get on a dnd game and I laid in bed watching tiktoks for to long. And now I am showered. And feeling calm inside. Quiet. I am very tired. Tomorrow I have museum time. Its a homeschool day. So I hope it goes well. And I can work on art and hang out with Charlie and it is a lovely time. Even if it is going to storm all day.

Sleep well everyone. Take care of each other. Goodnight all!!

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a-hundred-jewels · 3 years

Text

friday the thirteenth - ch1 (of 3): superstitious

Ao3

chapter 2 chapter 3

Summary: A casual midnight feast for Skye and Jane soon turns into a supernatural adventure.

Words: 1005

Tags: Skye Penderwick, Jane Penderwick, Original Male Character, Original Demon Character, Lydia Penderwick, some weird foods, Demon Summoning, Nonbinary Character, Skye is Nonbinary, Jane is Nonbinary, They/Them Pronouns For Skye Penderwick, She/Her Pronouns For Jane Penderwick, The Best Sibling Duo In Cinematic History, I Love How You Can Use Caps On Anything And It Looks Official Now, Minor Swearing, midnight feasts bc thats an underused trope, School Principal is a Dick, Lydia Just Wants To Go To Sleep, sibling antics, High School, this goes off the rails pretty quickly, Mentions of Good Omens, dont go into this with high expectations, this is not my finest work, just go in to have a good time, heck yeah, Friday The Thirteenth, October, spooky season, Food

notes and fic under the cut

It's been an embarrassingly long time since I posted something that wasn't Cruel Summer related. (Speaking of, I posted chapter twelve of that on Friday, so pretty please go read it and leave me a comment or else I will cry. not seriously but still. comments give me life and blood i am but a tiny grey vampire).

Anyway. So, as I mentioned in the tags, this goes off the rails pretty quickly and extremely. This was largely written first thing in the morning and started because I wanted to describe Skye and Jane's bedroom, which started because I was working on a vampire au (out sometime later this month) and got curious about everyone's decorating styles. All three of these chapters are prewritten, so I can guarantee I will be posting all of them fairly soon. I actually have quite a lot of stuff prewritten (or at least partially prewritten), so what's most likely going to happen is that I will post a ton for all of october and then vanish for a couple months (unless a miracle happens and I finish cruel summer chapter 13 in time for november).

But this is a fanfic intro, not a blog post. If you're reading this right now then imagine me staring kindly into your eyes and saying "thank you" (or if you don't like eye contact, then imagine me standing tenderly with my back to you) because I truly honestly appreciate every single one of you who reads my work. You're the best. Please leave comments. If you enjoy and kudos and comment this on Today, the Holy and Powerful Mean Girls Day (it was oct 3rd when i posted this on ao3), then I will post the second chapter tomorrow, and believe me it's better than the first. Yes this is an attempt at bribery. My apologies. (I'm posting this on tumblr on oct 5th so this section doesn't actually count anymore but i thought it was funny so i left it in. also yes please comment. i worked hard on this and posted it two days ago, but still have no feedback).

This chapter is dedicated to my sunflowers, who died because I'm not very good at gardening. You deserved better, and I hope you're living it up in plant heaven right now. Thank you for letting me rubber duck my writing problems by ranting to you.

Disclaimer: these are not my characters, etcetera, etcetera. Hi Jeanne Birdsall, hope you're doing well. Why'd you skip the wedding scene in At Last, I wanted to see it.

For once, I came up with an original fic title and don't have to credit some song, so yee haw!

Also, NOTE: from now on in fics, jane is nonbinary, whether or not it is mentioned, unless otherwise stated. the only thing that this doesn't apply to is cruel summer, because i planned that out in 2019, before this revelation.

And with that! Enjoy :)

Jane Penderwick was a big believer in Things. Capital-T, Times New Roman, Things. Skye called her superstitious, had poked her in the side when Jane was nine and their father listened to Stevie Wonder in the car. Superstitious. That’s you, Jane.

Naturally, Jane had had no choice but to poke Skye back, the comment sailing right over her head. Naturally, Skye then ticked Jane, who naturally ticked Skye… and so on. She’d thought about it again later that day, though, when Skye had rolled their eyes at Jane’s crossed fingers while their father searched for a parking spot at the petting zoo.

Oh come on, Skye, everyone believes in crossed fingers.

Skye had shook their head. The only thing you can believe in is math.

Pessimist, Jane had said.

In the years following, Skye had softened, if only marginally, to Jane’s wild believing. Luck, though, they maintained to be fiction. If it happens, it happens. The universe is too big to care about individuals.

Maybe, Jane had countered, we all have our own universes, and make our own luck.

Sound’s fake.

It developed into one of their favourite arguments, along with “is water wet,” and the weirdest thing to put on toast.

Skye brought it up again on a Thursday night in October of their senior year and Jane’s junior year. “I’m sure you think tomorrow’s doomed to be unlucky,” they said, leaning against their bed. The siblings were celebrating the end of a week of what they considered to be rather unfair afterschool detentions. After all, how were they supposed to know that the security cameras in the staff room had been fixed and the coffee they’d sampled was intended for a meeting with the superintendent and also was really quite expensive. (“And not worth the price,” Skye had said after their meeting with the principal, recalling how they’d spit the coffee back out into the trashcan.)

“Unlucky?” Jane began emptying her pockets of things they’d procured from the pantry for their celebration. “Tomorrow will be out first day without detention for a week!” She eyed a lemon with the conquering gaze of a predator stalking its prey.

“It’s also Friday the Thirteenth of October.” Skye ripped open a key lime protein bar and made a face. “Maybe next time we steal food we should do it in the daytime. You know, so we can actually see what we’re getting. I hate these things.”

“Weak.” Jane bit directly into the skin of her lemon, and slurped out some of the juice, before digging her fingers into the indent and peeling the fruit like an orange. “Besides, I don't think Friday the Thirteenth is unlucky at all! It’s just more interesting than other days. It’s like diet Halloween!” She took another bite of the lemon and spit out a seed.

“Please, we eat lemons all the time! You got off easy. Try eating this monstrosity.” Skye stole Jane’s lemon and took a huge bite, throwing the offending protein bar at their sibling in return.

“They can’t be that bad, Skye. Batty loves them.”

“Batty’s even weirder than you are. People only don’t notice cause she’s shy.”

Jane chose to ignore that, instead taking a large bite of the bar. “See, it’s not that-- OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?”

Skye grinned with satisfaction. “See? Horrifying.”

Jane spat into a Kleenex. “Why didn’t you warn me that it’s got a fucking syrup filling? What kind of protein bar even has that?” Her sibling sighed. “The only kind that Batty managed to get addicted to, that’s what kind. Our sister is a lost cause.”

Maintaining her horrified expression, Jane grabbed the lemon back from Skye, taking a large, cleansing bite. “Back to the matter at hand--though it must be said that I will never look at Batty the same way again. I was thinking we should plan something for tomorrow.”

“Like what? Also, give me the beef jerky.”

Jane passed it. “Well, I was thinking in detention today about the whole Friday the Thirteenth thing.” She bit into another lemon and started to peel it. “I mean it’s a special day. First day off detention, Friday the Thirteenth, and it’s even October! Spooky season!”

“I lose ten years off my life every time you call it that,” Skye said with a deadpan, but Jane ignored them. She knew they would be listening. Jane’s ideas were usually good.

“You know that book I got out of the library? The one about ghosts and stuff?” Skye narrowed their eyes, but nodded slowly. “Well, I’ve been looking through it, and checking out the authors and the sources used online, and, well, it seems legit.” Jane leaned back, spreading her arms wide. She was looking at Skye with a dangerous sparkle in her eyes, the one that said she was already too far down this rabbit hole to be convinced it’s bullshit. Skye hated that look.

They put down the back of beef jerky and looked Jane in the eyes. “Jane, what are you saying? You know ghosts aren’t real. You can’t trust everything you read online.” Goddamn that book. Jane had been so excited to see it when they picked it up at the library. Had pre-ordered it, reserved it, been waiting for weeks. This was not a split second decision. Thought had been put into this. When it came to Jane, that made things all the more terrifying.

“Skye, tomorrow’s a special day. A spooky day.” Jane leaned forward, the light in her eyes growing more and more wild. “The kind of day where people expect weird things to happen.”

“I don’t want to burst your bubble, but I don’t think anyone besides you actually cares about Friday the Thirteenth anymore.”

“Skye, I’ve been talking to people, I’ve been doing my research.” So many bad signs. Why was Skye starting to feel kind of excited? Surely they were smarter than to get caught up in another one of Jane’s crazy ideas. “I think we should summon a demon.”

#demons #october #fictober #cameron writes #the penderwicks #penderwicks #penderwicks fanfiction #skye penderwick #jane penderwick #nonbinary #high school #lydia penderwick

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halcyonmirage · 3 years

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So I got my first out of 2 feedback appointments done today.

Only my dad attended because my mom was busy. He didn't say anything at all which was kind of annoying, not because of his silence, but because you could still hear what was around him and his phone kept pinging insanely loud. Later he said he didn't want to interrupt so that's good. It beats arguing with the psychiatrist.

There wasn't much that surprised me except for one major thing which is sort of responsible for this vent.

Uhhh

I got diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

That was a shocker.

The doctor said that low mood often goes hand in hand with ADHD, so when I get treated for that, I should be okay.

But that diagnosis is still on the report and I dont know how to feel about it???

My initial reaction was "Maybe it's just a chance. Like it's not confirmed, she just thinks it's possible." But she went on to say that there are varying levels of severity and I just passed the minimum for it. Below that, she said I also showed signs of anxiety symptoms but I'm not fully diagnosed for it I think...?

I dunno, my brain is a weird mess right now. I'm okay for the most part, just confused. Have I really been downplaying my mood that bad??? Shitttt what the fuckkk

#I need to get work done but this is weighing so heavily in my mind #i dont mean to worry anyone im okay right now #im feeling tired and kinda shitty because my mom has been screaming at me and my dad all day but like #im more just confused about this #i trust the psychiatrist. Im not saying she's wrong #im just weirded out that my first gut reaction was to find reasons for why I might not have it #That...Really should not be my first thought #what the frick

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chimswae · 4 years

Text

BTS Caretaker CH11

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 2,741

- Author Note:I made double update today to make up to the missing weeks! ^^ i appreciate your feedback and comment, just drop in my ASK BOX :)

Previous | Next

Chapter 11

Journey back to his dorm feels like forever, the night skies were sombre and starless, and it seemed to mock Jin’s current state. He purposely walked slowly along the empty streets in hope he could eliminate these unimportant worries in him.

When he was first brought into the company, he had zero knowledge and skills. Even though, it was indeed true skills can be shaped over times, but it was not an easy journey for him. He worked extra hard to make himself worthy in the group. Some may find it was ridiculous to scout him and turned him into one of possible Bangtan’s members.

Jin never missed a day excreting his sweat and tears, singing at the top of his lung, dancing his heart out just to ensure he is worth to be called as Bangtan’s members. His visual alone was not enough, he needed more.

Daesang awards were huge for them and up until now they still could not believe how this thing could happen overnight. They worked their ass off for years, not they wanted to brag and claimed they were better than other idols out there. Different people has different struggle in life. Each of the members has their own struggle too, including him.

He’s aware of the hatred thrown to them over the years, but the support from Armys manage to cover that up. Jin smiled to himself at the memories that he shared with the members and Armys. He would never get tired performing on stage, something that he would do forever.

His attention shifted to a store across the road. Absentmindedly, he crosses the road with a wide grin plastered across his face, there stood huge Bangtan’s standee in their Puma’s outfits. To be frank, he was proud of their achievement. Sometimes, it fascinated him to see their faces everywhere in the city.

It was too much to be called as a dream.

It was real.

“You did great” he whispered under his breath, and he took few more minutes to stare blankly at the standee in front of him. It felt like they had fulfilled the impossible in life.

Tapping his finger on the glass where his standee stood handsomely “You never cease to amaze me Kim Seokjin, good looking as always” he complimented.

When it came to self-compliment, Jin knew the drill.

It somewhat helped him to go through rough times in life, a little self-confident that is all he needed. Then, he would face even the hardest hurdles in life without any single whine.

-------------------

Pinching the bridge of her nose to ease the ache, Seul sighed tiredly, scanning the now organized place with a wide grin “That took me forever!” she stretched a little. Unlike yesterday, she went a little later than usual, because she had to serve an early shift considering Wongeun is out of town for a week.

Checking every nook and cranny of the place, Seul entered that one room which she hated the most, Jin and Suga’s room. As irrelevant as it might sound, the room alone sent tingle down her spine. It brought back to that day when Yoongi and her just.. let’s stop it there. How it was not easy for her to just ignore this thought away, but they were talking about a kiss that they shared. Unintended kiss.

Seul walked pass Yoongi’s room and went straight to Jin. Crouching down in front of the cages where he kept Odeng and Eomuk, Seul decided to feed those two little not so innocent creatures. If it weren’t for them, the thing with Jimin would not happen.

Speaking of Jimin, it rendered her speechless. The topic of Jimin and Yoongi are something that she wanted to avoid for the rest of her life.

“Let’s eat Odeng-ie.. Eomuk-ie…” said Seul gleefully. Setting the food on floor, she sat down cross legged while her fingers fiddles with the lock. As soon as she unlocked the cage, the two siblings sprinted out happily and went straight to their source of happiness.

Seul strokes the top of Odeng head with her finger softly not wanting to scare it away “Eat well, you are so adorable” she giggled.

She then plugged her buds and tuned to some random songs like RM’s Mixtape whom she chose to ignore at first but only to fail her. It was not easy to completely ignore good songs especially Bangtan Sonyeondan’s songs. She had to admit this one fact that they were genius including Min Suga. The honesty in the songs that they produced gave life to her dull self. Guess, their songs are becoming Seul’s main therapy.

Letting out small chuckle, she watched the siblings fought for food and went around and round like a happy kid “It must be less hassle for animal like you. You have nothing to worry off, only to survive in this harsh world. That is not until you find the best owner that can love you without boundaries, then you are set to go” she whispered, giving Eomuk’s small head a soft pat.

After spending for good 30 minutes monitoring Odeng and Eomuk , Seul decided to call it a day, keeping them back into the cage. “We will play again tomorrow, I hope your Jin daddy would not be mad at me. Don’t tell him” she giggled.

Tapping her hand together, she rose up leaving the room silently. To her surprise, she was welcomed by the dark room. Seul tilted her head in confusion “Did I turn off the light? I don’t remember doing that” scrutinizing the room to find any sign of soul inside.

Seul turned her heels to serve the food that she cooked earlier on the table, the boys would be back anytime. With a light heart, she hummed to Bangtan’s songs while keeping her hand busy until everything is arranged perfectly.

A loud bam coming from the front door surprised her, Seul cursed mentally knowing what might come to her. Will she face another nonsense moments with one of the members again? Screw this, meaning it was a sign for her to leave immediately without them knowing. However, it was rather weird that she didn’t catch any commotions from the front considering how loud the boys could be sometimes.

It was a long silent only sound of light footstep could be heard across the room.

Her eyes eyed her stuff that lied helplessly at the corner of the room, thankfully it was away from prying eyes. Stealthily, Seul made her way without making any sound so she could leave instantly. As she was about to gather herself again and flee from the scene, her ears perked up, those sound of soft sob drew her attention from her stuff.

Who is crying? Her brows knitted together. Seul got up, bailing her earlier plan to escape. She was more interested in finding the source of that soft voice. To her, it sounded broken and for an odd reason her heart clenched in pain.

Her heart pounded as she searched for the owner of the sad sob. Due to the darkness in the room, she didn’t even realize the soft thing beneath her “Oh my god, im s-“her eyes shot open upon her skin made contact with the thing there.

His head was buried in his knees turning him into a fragile kid who feared the darkness.

Jin head snapped at the friction, and he looked at Seul with confused look. Even in the darkness she could see his eyes glistening with tears, something told her, he was indeed broken inside. “Who…are you…” in comparison to her encounter with Jimin, this one with Jin was rather calm. Most probably Jin was more mature and think a little rationally, she supposed.

His voice was raspy and gruffy, and Seul continued to stare at him in confusion and concern. He was supposed to flip out or scared at least because after all he found a stranger in the same room as his. Why would he act all calm and alright? Could Yoongi or Jimin told everyone about her existence? That could be it judging from Jin’s ignorance.

“Are you urm alright?” Seul inquired timidly.

Jin nodded slightly as his kept his meaningful gaze making Seul recoiled in her stance “You are Mrs Hwang’s daughter?” Jin mumbled. “I think I saw you before, that eyes” his lips were pressed into thin line trying to recall the memories.

“I don’t remember meeting you” she blinked.

He shifted, and even his little movement got her nervous. Seul stared blankly at Jin’s hand, he held out his palm to her direction as if like an offer but what was that for again. She hesitantly reached her right hand to his warm one, and Jin’s strong grip almost knocked her down.

Using Seul weight as a support, he pushed his body up, standing straight with a soft sigh.

“Never mention this to other” he warned.

“I..dont have any intention on telling anyone. Urm.. I will probably just go” she pulled her hand away from Jin’s grasp. Now she missed the emptiness and warmth that she felt earlier. Why was she like this? Was she that desperate for a touch?

Nothing came from Jin, so she took the cue to walk away before anyone else appeared and she didn’t want to be cornered by the group. This was not the time to be investigated. He reached around and took hold of her wrist gently but firmly causing the girl to turn her body again facing Jin “Can I have a cup of hot tea?” he blurted out.

Seul was losing her words, first Jin was too beautiful and secondly the words coming from his mouth alone got her heart flipping weirdly here and there. Crazy Ji Seul.

“Su..re…I will get it for you” she coughed softly, slowly slipping away. She could feel his gaze throw daggers through her head. Was he always that calm? However, he looked like he was over all shits in life. Did something happen to him? Where were others?

------------------------

The atmosphere was rather awkward, glancing over the man across her, Seul mentally complimented Jin’s visual. It was her first time seeing him up close, so it was fascinating to see the popular guy who became a talk of town due to his overflowing charms. She had to agree that Jin is dashing and super good looking.

Jin took a long sip from his hot tea, it helped to comfort his heart.

Finally breaking the silence, Jin let out an exhaust sigh garnering Seul attention “So are you a fan?” he looked up meeting her bewildered stare.

“Mmm.. not really? I listen to your songs though” she replied abruptly.

“Are you sure you are not a sasaeng?” he raked his fingers in his hair not breaking the contact with Seul. Jin was studying her diligently, since he only heard the story from Yoongi and Jimin. He had no choice but to believe Yoongi’s theory. When he first heard it from Jimin few days ago, Jungkook and him was shocked that it matched Yoongi’s story. Leaving them with no choice, they decided to trust Jimin and Yoongi, therefore just like that the rest of the members were being informed about this Mrs Hwang daughter situation. Well, minus their managers of course.

The boys decided to take this matter in their own hands. If what Seul told them was the truth, then what choice did they have. The caretaker ahjumma had been awfully nice to them, the least they could do was to seal the secret away from their managers and Bighit.

Depending on the root of the story and it validity, of course.

“Do I look like that ‘oppa please notice me juseyo~’ kind of girl” Seul mimicked a fangirl voice and rolled her eyes.

The corner of his lips was tugged into a small smile “It is too much a coincidence that you are the caretaker ahjumma’s daughter, how can we trust you?” he pressed.

“That is up to you, I am here to do my job as requested by my mother. And if it weren’t for her, I would not be here invading your so called personal space. I think I explained to that Suga guy and some weird guy who go around the house shirtless” she stopped, hissing under her breath for spouting nonsense in front of Jin.

“Weird guy who wander around the house shirtless? What exactly happened to you and Jimin?” he raised his brows with a deep frown.

Seul flustered “Nothing. I thought he told you everything considering the first thing that came out from you was ‘Are you Mrs Hwang’s daughter?’. Didn’t rude Suga tell you everything?” she snorted hoping Yoongi would not reveal the kisses.

“ Rude Suga” Jin shook his head in disapproval, “That is offending me Miss Mrs Hwang’s daughter” he exclaimed.

“Heol, I admired your strong bonds with Suga” she looked at him disbelief. Then the table turned silent again, as they were deep in their own thought trying to decipher things around them. On the other hand, Jin was too exhausted to start another mouth fight. For now, he trusted her seeing how she acted. Seul was definitely not a fan or worse sasaeng fan.

Seul cleared her throat easing the awkwardness “So, what happen back then?” she chewed her lower lips.

Not expecting the question from Seul, Jin face felt and now he returned to his sombre self “That one..i am having that moment where my mental shut down by its own. It is unavoidable and make me feel shitty. I feel like I have achieved something in life, but it still fails me” he murmured.

“Whatever happen to you, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose. You just have to move on from what is hurting you, yet don’t you ever forget the things that it taught you. Jin-ssi, just because you are struggling doesn’t mean you are failing. Every great success that you achieve now is a worthy struggle for you. Then, you realize that the hurdles that you face is not found on the path, it is the path itself. Do not be afraid to get up again and to try. I know you are worthy to be in Bangtan. Everyone does.” She exhaled softly.

He couldn’t take his eyes off her, and the lecture began to sound like a melodious music to his ears. Jin stared at her wide eyes as if it was some kind of joke that this person whom he just met could read through him like an open book. He found the strength to smile again afterwards which flustered Seul. She will never get used of Jin’s good look, it was dazzling.

“That takes my breath away..Mrs Hwang..mm?” before he could continue with the long nickname that he gave her, Seul blurted “It is Seul. Ji Seul” she smiled awkwardly.

“Seul..” he hummed with a shy smile.

“It is like you could read through me, thank you for that. I appreciated it Seul-ssi” he stretched out his hand to the cup direction, taking a short sip from it again while eyeing Seul. He remembered now where they first met. It was the elevator girl looking confused and broken. So, that was her.

“I need to go back, it is late. I don’t want to cause any uproar when the rest came in. This maybe probably our first and last meeting Jin-ssi. I will perform my job under the radar from now on” she professed.

Jin flinched upon hearing her random blabbered, Seul got up from her seat bowing politely “There are food for everyone, urm except for Suga” she patted her lips and scolded it making the older guy chuckled.

“I didn’t mean to sound bias but he…nevermind. I will take my leave now” she rubbed her neck, gathering her stuff and exited the area before she made fun of herself in front of him. Her steps came to a stop halfway to the living room, and without turning back to Jin “And, Jin-ssi.. Remember before anything, to be yourself and love yourself. It is the recipe to happiness” Jin tilted his head staring at her back with genuine smile. There was astounding power flowing in this room the likes of which he had never felt before.

“We will meet again for sure Ji Seul”

#btsfic #btsfanfic #bts fanfiction #bts series #jeon jungkook x oc #yoongi x oc #jin x oc #kim seokjin x oc #bts x oc #bts idolau #bts fic #bts romance #yoongi fluff #jungkook fluff #min yoongi x oc #jimin x oc #btscaretaker

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lovehelpmewrite · 4 years

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A Very Bad Day

Title: A Bad Day

Pairing: Gwil x OFC!Ella

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary: Ella is having a... less than amazing day. It turns out Gwilym is just what she needed to turn it around though.

Warnings: underage drinking i know bad dont do it im sorry

[A/N]: Okay so I know this is technically before Macarons and Spoiled Surprises but it’s been bothering me for months that I never wrote the middle step between our first date and us doing... y’know, you’ve read it i hope. So yeah, this is that middle step. Half inspired by an actual shit day I had, half inspired by my better half having had a bad day the day I wrote this. Enjoy and feedback is always welcome!! Also thank you thank you thank you to my best fren Mic @o-holynight for making me another amazing header just for this fic you’re so good to me and if you haven’t yet go through her masterlist because it slaps

It was a crappy day. It was pouring, which normally I wouldn't mind—in fact I loved a good rainy day—but I had opened my window the night before and woken up to find my desk soaked in rain water and one of my notebooks with it.

"Ahhh shit," I muttered to myself as I woke up and climbed out of bed at the sound of the rain hitting the desk. I quickly latched the thing closed and looked down at the crinkling wet paper that was my notebook, picking it up by a corner and watching the water slide off the cover and off the pages. "Shhhhhit," I repeated, feeling my heart sink when I opened the cover and noticed the ink either bleeding into the other pages or sliding off along with the water. At least I didn't really use it, I thought. It was still sad to see something that I'd paid for just... Fall apart like this though.

I dropped it into the trash bin with a sigh and vowed to start getting ready to go out and buy a new one. Right after I have breakfast, I thought. As it turns out, there was no breakfast. No cereal, no pancake mix or frozen waffles. It was grocery day and Michaela had just left saying she was going to grab Joe so they could do the shopping for both at once.

Okay so I'll go out for breakfast, I decided.

Except the coffee shop was closed. Again, no big deal but... It was another block in the freezing rain to the nearest cafe. It was too close to drive, especially because there was no parking down by it. Walking it is then. The sidewalk was slick with the freezing rain and the leftovers from the last snow so I tried my best to watch my steps and still maintain a quick pace.

Needless to say I almost slipped—I didn't thankfully—but I caught myself at the last second in such a way that my umbrella swung out to the side and in an instant I felt drenched to the bone. I walked in looking like a half-drowned rat, ordered a muffin to go and tried to calm my anxious heart at the stares I was getting from the other patrons. In case you were wondering, yes, it's possible to angrily eat a muffin.

After I made it back to my car I drove to the nearest Staples and practically moaned as the warm rush of air hit my chilled face and body. I picked out a cute notebook—for sixteen fucking dollars, jesus Staples, cost more yeah?—and slapped it on the counter. The younger looking kid checking me out started at the noise but just smiled and asked if I wanted to join their rewards program.

And then I was stood under the edge of the Staples sign trying to desperately shove the notebook in my jacket against my chest because what was once pouring rain had turned into a torrential downpour. It was like a sheet of water coming down at once while thunder boomed in the distance. I held an arm across my coat-covered-notebook and took a deep breath, readying myself for the sheer force of it to pound against the top of my umbrella.

By the time I got back to the dorm my legs up to my knees were soaked even despite my rain boots, as was the back of my coat and my umbrella. The notebook somehow survived the trip thankfully. As I was pulling it out of my jacket my phone buzzed in my coat pocket. A text from Mic.

Hey, over at the boys' and groceries are all put away

Is Gwil home? I might head over in a bit. Having a shit day :(

Aw im sorry :( he is tho I think. I'll ask

I waited a few seconds and then waited for the three dots while she typed.

He isn't but he's coming home in like half an hour from a reading

"Nice," I whispered to myself. Finally, something good today.

Im gonna shower. When he gets home tell him I'm coming?

Yeah ofc

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, glad to finally have something to look forward to. I took off my jacket and hung it on my door to dry before walking into the bathroom and peeling off my soaked jeans and socks, letting them sit on the floor while I turned the shower to scalding hot. I hissed as it hit my back but quickly adjusted to it, letting the water pooling at the bottom thaw my toes. I picked up my razor with a little indecision. He wasn't even going to see my legs or my armpits as far as I was planning, let alone anywhere near my underwear... I shaved anyway. As a way to pass time in the warm water at the least, and at the most it would make my sheets feel nice later.

I got dressed in some loose sweats and a tank top, foregoing a bra with the assumption I was the only one home but when I came out of my room Sarah was back from her class eating at the table.

"Hey!" She said with a smile.

"Hey," I said back quietly, walking to the cupboard and pulling down a bag of chips. "How was class?"

"Ugh, don't even get me started. That dude was still trying to argue with the professor the entire class," she explained, rolling her eyes.

"Someone should keep a tally of every time he says something and then at the end of class take that many points off his latest paper or something," I offered with a small grin.

"We should, oh my god," she laughed back. "Hey, are you okay? Mic said you were having a crappy day."

I nodded, shrugging. "Yeah, I dont know it's just... A lot of little shit adding up, y'know?"

She nodded with a sad smile.

I took a deep breath and tried to stay positive though. "Good news though, I'm heading over to see the boys in a little bit. Did you wanna come with?"

"Ah, I'm going to meet Ben for lunch after his class gets out in like half an hour."

"Ah," I said in confirmation. "Okay, I'll see you later tonight? We need another girls night in, it's been too long."

She smiled, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, I'll see if I can pick up some stuff beforehand. It's your turn to pick right?"

I nodded, "yeah."

"Okay, cool. Nothing scary please? I like sleeping without nightmares."

I laughed, carrying the chips with me back to my room. "I'll do my best to let you keep your beauty sleep," I said over my shoulder before closing the door.

I sat down on my bed with a sigh, dropping the chips next to me and reaching for my phone.

Gwil just got home, he's in the shower rn tho

Okay tell him im omw and I dont mind waiting or something

I made sure to pull on a sports bra and a sweatshirt before I left, as well as a pair of fuzzy socks inside my rain boots. I was nearly jogging across the street to the apartment, buzzing with excitement to see Gwil.

We haven't been out on any dates since our second when he kissed me, but we had a lot of days where we walked each other to class or we'd get lunch together. Sadly, we hadn't kissed much since then but we made up for it with a lot of hand holding, or his palm on my back, or my hand on his knee and honestly... it was kind of nice just like that. Still, a day like today deserved some serious hugs at the very least.

My frozen fingers shook as I pressed the buzzer and I exhaled in relief when it buzzed again and the lock clicked open, allowing me to rush into the warm elevator and ride up to the apartment. When I got up to the door though, I hesitated.

Do I knock? Do I just walk in? Do I knock and then walk in anyways?

I pulled out my phone and texted Mic.

Im outside the door

Come in lol?

Come open it I feel weird

Between the previous cold and my embarrassment I'm sure my cheeks were tomato-red. She just smiled upon seeing me, waiting for me to take off my dripping boots and then motioning her head toward the couch.

"Gwil's probably getting out soon, you can wait with me and Joe on the couch," she explained, sitting back down next to Joe to watch whatever movie they had playing on the TV. I perched awkwardly on the edge of the cushion, trying—and failing—to control my bouncing knee while I waited for Gwil.

"Hey."

I almost jumped at the soft greeting, springing off the couch and turning to him. My heart was thumping in my chest nervously.

He was just in sweats and a t-shirt but something about it was just so… hot. I hadn't noticed how shaggy his hair was getting until now, still dripping wet and hanging over his forehead a little. I almost missed when he jerked his thumb over his shoulder.

"Do you wanna… my room?" He asked awkwardly.

I nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah- sure yeah."

I followed quietly behind him as he walked down the hall, stepping into the room and waiting for him to close the door. Then I was stuck just watching while he moved to sit on the edge of his bed with a bounce. I pressed my lips together to suppress an awkward smile, looking around his room. He had different playbills taped up on his wall above his bed, and his desk was covered in papers and packets and textbooks.

"So…" I started, bringing my eyes back to face him.

"So…" he mimicked back, a gentle smile growing on his face.

I breathed out a little laugh and moved to sit next to him on the edge of his mattress, copying his bounce from before and then bumping my shoulder into his.

"So how was your reading? How did it go?" I asked lightly, trying to start some sort of conversation, any conversation.

"Good! It was good," he answered back.

And then more quiet.

"Okay this is awful," I admitted before I could stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

Gwil's eyebrows shot up in surprise, like he couldn't believe I was saying it.

"Can we just like… I don't know, can we just watch something on your laptop or something? I just…" I blew out a quick breath and started to feel my eyes burn with tears I'd been holding in. "I've had a really shitty day and I was so excited to come over and see you and I don’t want it to be all... weird like it is."

He was quiet for a second, which gave me some time to calm back down a little and not actually shed tears.

"You're right," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Okay, why don't we… Do you have something in mind to watch?"

It was my turn to raise my eyebrows. "I mean I… what do you normally watch? What's your favorite show?"

It seemed to do the trick, the tension slowly released its grip on the room and we even managed to move back on his bed so he was positioned laying against his pillows and I was tucked neatly under his arm, half laying on his stomach. We'd agreed on Criminal Minds and somehow watched our way through two entire episodes before we forgot it all together and started talking… and then, well, kissing.

It started off innocent enough. I'd turned my head to joke about Spencer's hair in this season but instead found Gwil already looking at me with a soft smile.

"What?" I laughed.

He just gave a full smile and shook his head. "Nothing."

We were both quiet for a second, and then he leaned in and gave me a peck on the lips.

Oh.

I smiled back and leaned back into him, pressing my lips to his again but longer this time, slower, lingering…

We pulled back slowly, eyes still half closed. And then I felt the slightest squeeze of his hand on my waist and he surged forward again, lips firmly against mine, his tongue teasing across my bottom lip before biting gently.

Oh.

I hummed in appreciation, leaning further against him until my leg hooked in between his and his hand was sliding up my back into my hair and grabbing lightly.

My heart was racing in my chest. Was this it? Was I going to fuck him not 50 feet from our friends? Why am i even thinking that? Calm the hell down.

I practically had to force myself to pull away, my fist still twisted in his shirt, still breathing heavily and close enough to be tempted to go back but I made myself stop.

"We have to… we should just slow down a little," I said quietly.

Gwil nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Yeah you're right we should just… take it easy for a bit."

I nodded back.

Still, we somehow gravitated towards each other again until we were kissing again, albeit softer this time. Somehow we managed to keep it slow. Calm. Instead of dipping back into... dangerous territory. It was just… nice.

It was comforting and reassured a lot of doubts I had. It was almost like a little dance, like a conversation. He'd lean forward and catch my lip with his teeth and in return I'd slide my tongue against his lip. It was jarring when suddenly everything went quiet and we both pulled apart in question only to see Netflix asking if we were still watching.

I laughed a little which seemed to make Gwil laugh which made me laugh more and snort and then he laughed more until we were both clutching our stomachs gasping for air in between laughs. Once we'd finally calm down we were left just staring at each other, not waiting for the other to talk, just looking at each other's faces and smiles and eyes.

"Y'know I was having a pretty crappy day and you made it a hell of a lot more bearable," I said honestly.

"I'm happy I could make your day better," he answered back, his smile wide.

I paused for a minute, contemplating saying anything. "Is it… is it weird if I really like making out with you?"

He shook his head quickly, "no! No of course not. I'm glad my skills were… put to good use." His smile turned smug.

I shoved his chest jokingly, turning in his grasp like I was going to roll away. I grinned when his hand fell to my hip and pulled me back in against him so his mouth was slotted against mine.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To find someone with better lines I guess," I laughed.

"Are you saying you don't like my pick up lines?" He fake pouted, lips puckered out and all.

I gave him a quick kiss. "That's exactly what I'm saying." I laughed again when he dramatically flopped against the bed like he couldn't believe it. I kissed his jaw sweetly, turning it into a raspberry which made him laugh.

"Careful there, I don't need any weirdly placed hickies," he warned with a grin.

"So just for clarification, you don't want a big hickey on your cheek?" I asked, pretending to get ready to mark his cheek.

"Definitely not."

"Hmm," I hummed in mock disappointment. "And I had such plans too."

"Yeah, I'm sure," he said back, turning his head to face me and tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. He slowly leaned in and gave me another peck on the lips, and then another… and then one more. "You know, I'm really glad you came over."

I smiled back at him. "Me too."

We were quiet once again, just staring at each other again, every once in a while saying some small comment or joke or compliment but otherwise quiet. After a little bit, just when I was starting to feel sleepy, there was a quiet knock on the door.

"Come in," Gwil answered.

Michaela poked her head in after a second with a small smile. "Hey, I was just going to head back, it's almost six," she said softly.

"Oh Jesus, is it really?" I asked in surprise, picking up my phone to see texts from Sarah asking when I'd be back home. "Damn," I laughed slightly.

"Yeah, Sarah said you wanted to do a night in so do you wanna go to the store before home?"

I nodded, slowly untangling myself from Gwil and sitting up, stretching out my muscles. "Yeah, I'll be out in a few minutes, I gotta get the feeling back in my legs," I chuckled.

"Okay, I'll go pull on my shoes."

I stretched out each of my arms and legs, turning awkwardly to stretch my spine before I sighed, turning back to face a very tired looking Gwilym. "Hi."

"Hi," he grinned back, briefly stretching his back before relaxing back against his pillows. "Before you go, come here."

I grinned and leaned back in, our lips connecting for a long, sweet kiss. "Was that all?" I asked after it ended.

"No, one more," he smirked, pulling me back in for another peck. "Okay one more," and then another peck, "just one more-"

"Gwil," I laughed in between kisses. "I- gotta- go- you big dork-"

He gave a big dramatic sigh after the last kiss when I stood up away from him. "Fine, if you must."

"I must," I grinned. "Sorry bub."

"No it's okay," he relented with a smile. "I'll see you on Saturday, right? You're still coming over to hang out?"

I nodded. "Of course, I can't wait." I was reluctant to leave him, looking so soft and inviting and ready for a nap… I forced myself to walk out and close the door behind me, walking out to the living room to find Mic pulling on her shoes while Joe stood by.

"Hey," I announced, making her look up at me after she had both boots on.

"Hey, ready?"

"Yep, lets go get drunk," I affirmed.

"Woah woah woah," Joe interjected, making me turn to him.

"Sorry dad, was I not supposed to tell you that?" I laughed.

"No drinking and driving young lady, be responsible," he said, pointing a faux serious finger at each of us.

"Sure, yeah, whatever you say," I dismissed with a grin. I turned to Mic, "want anything particular? I was planning on wine and some candy."

She shrugged. "Sounds good to me. Grab me some of the uhh the sour patch watermelon things though? Oh! And Reece's pieces," she grinned at the last second as I was walking out the door.

"You already know," I grinned back, shaking my head and closing the door to let her and Joe do their own little goodbyes.

When I made it back down to the front door, ready to open my umbrella and sprint to my car, I noticed it had stopped raining. It was still wet everywhere and puddles took up half the sidewalk but the once black sky was lightened to a pale gray. Michaela beat me back to the dorm, unsurprisingly and I walked in with full arms, happy to be greeted by Sarah and Mic pulling things out of my hands and already opening things.

"Yesss you got the good shit Ella," Sarah said gratefully, pulling out a bag of m&m's.

"Always," I smiled, pulling out a plastic container of cotton candy for myself.

"Okay so what are we watching?" Sarah asked, already transporting stuff to the couches.

It was obvious the two of them had moved everything for optimal TV viewing.

"I was thinking Umbrella Academy if that's cool?"

They both nodded, mouths already full of candy.

I laughed. "Okay, Umbrella Academy it is then. I'll grab the wine."

Somewhere between the third and fourth episode we'd finished the first bottle of wine and went to open the second only to find it impossible.

"Just… open it," Sarah laughed, watching me trying to use the wine bottle opener to grab the cork and failing.

"I'm trying!" I laughed back, pulling out pieces of cork instead of the entire thing. "Dammit! Mic come help us!" I called.

The TV paused as she came over and looked over the destroyed cork, pushed nearly all the way into the bottle. "Dude what did you even do?!" She chuckled.

"I tried to open it, what do you think!" I laughed back.

"Okay, gimme a spoon, I'll shove it into the bottle."

"What? No take it out!" Sarah laughed.

"I can't! This one-" Mic laughed, pointing at me, "destroyed the cork and now its not gonna come out!"

I was wheezing from laughing so hard, practically laying across the counter. "I'm sorry!"

Sarah laughed at my reaction in response, squatting next to the counter trying to catch her breath as well.

"Fine I'll find a spoon myself!" Mic declared, still laughing while she tried to push down on the cork. "Ahah!" She yelled in triumph making us laugh even harder at the pop of it dropping into the wine.

We ate our way through almost all of the candy and the two bottles of wine over five episodes before we decided to call it a night (or well, early morning but same thing).

It was nice, to go to bed feeling warm and loved and like a crap day had turned good. I fell asleep easily and without resistance, the opposite to how I'd woken up. It was a good day, I decided.

- - -

feedback is always appreciated and thank you for reading lovelies!!

#borhap #borhap cast #borhap cast au #college au #borhap boys #gwilym lee #gwilym lee x ofc #gwilym lee fluff #ayhtdifil

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ellana-ravenwood · 5 years

Text

Salt, Tequila, Lemon - Jason Todd x Reader

Please read this intro, thank you very much :

So. I posted this yesterday, but after a bug on the Tumblr app on my phone it got deleted. I’m super bummed out because it had over 200 notes and quite a few feedbacks that I never got to read because it was accidentally deleted...If the people that took the time to comment things on the story could take a bit more time to write a little comment again and give me their feedbacks, and also if the people that liked and reblog could do it once more...i’d appreciate the hell out of you <3. So reposting it (thanks god I always have back ups of all my stories now). Written in twenty minutes during my break at work. Bam. Hope you’ll like it :

Also, since Tumblr’s new guidelines and enforcement of it, I DON’T really appear in searches anymore, so the only way for this story to be seen by others than those who follow me is to reblog it. So if you wanna, you can show your support for my writing by doing just that. Thanks very much. You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives

_________________________________________________

Ok. So. Grandma’s remedy against heartbreak ? Oh, right.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

Got it. Licking the back of your hand to make the salt stick to it, you pour yourself a massive shot of “To-Kill-Ya” in your coffee mug, not even caring about the fact that there is still some remnant of your cappuccino from last night in it.

You focus on the sound the liquid makes as it fills your cup. Makes you think about something else. Good. Yup. This was totally gonna help right now.

“Cheers”, you exclaim to yourself, your empty apartment echoing your voice.

Salt.

Wincing. Stingy. Salt on its own is gross.

Tequila.

More wincing. Oh my god, it burns. The coffee that was still at the bottom of the cup is an oddly nice touch.

Lemon.

The last of the Wincing.

You spit the piece of lemon you just bit into in the trash and…miss. The yellow fruit falls with a little flat sound on the floor, and you honestly can’t bother to pick it up. Your apartment is a mess anyway, so you just stare at it angrily and pour yourself another drink.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

You gulp the last of the citrus and shiver. Miss the trash again.

Damn. This was good.

Well, actually, it was disgusting.

You didn’t like strong alcohol and what the Hell ?! Why did you leave a bit of coffee in your cup ? Now that the aftertaste was kicking in, it was actually really gross. If the tequila itself didn’t make you wanna throw up, the stale coffee taste nearly did. Oh, and the salt and lemon combination was as awful as ever.

You really didn’t like salt, tequila, or lemon.

But it was still good.

Because thanks to all this immediate awfulness, you could slowly feel yourself drift into “haze land”, and forget about your worries.

Forget that your boyfriend of two years just cheated on you with some random woman you worked with. Woman that, by the way, he met at the Christmas “end of the year” party from you work you invited him to…You gave him free champagne and mise-en-bouche and all your love, and he broke your heart.

It wasn’t your thing, to drink your sorrow away. And it wasn’t your thing either to wallow because of a man…But you genuinely thought he was “the one” (oh what a mistake you would soon realize that was).

He was always so nice, treating you like a princess. He complimented you daily, and never forgot an important date. He was affectionate, not to an annoying point. He was the perfectamount of affectionate. He was a gentleman and seemed to love you and yet, he betrayed you.

If a man like him, that was nothing short but sweet and passionate with you, cheated on you, then did that mean you couldn’t trust anyone ?

Because in your eyes right now, he was perfect. Albeit said eyes were slightly clouded by a a few tequila shots.

You were downing a fourth drink starting to slowly sob when…

There’s very few things that can get you out of a drunk state in seconds.

An extremely cold shower could do the trick, for instance. Brings you back to your senses a bit you know ? You wouldn’t magically be sober, but you’d get a clearer mind. Or someone giving you shocking news ! Or like, an event so incredible that your body just forgets how drunk it is for a minute.

And this event, for you, came at the perfect time.

Right when you were entering your “sad drunk” phase, which was between the “lol alcohol does NOTHING to me” phase where you downed most of your drinks, and the “dancing on the bar’s counter” phase (a few more drinks and you would have a one woman dance party in your living room, acting as if you were on a bar’s counter and that your name was suddenly “Britney”).

Right when you were about to wallow times a thousand, and cry, and yell “whyyyyyyy ?!” to the sky, arms in the air (drama queen).

Years later, looking back on that particular event, you’ll start to realize that Destiny HAS to exist. Because come on, it was just too perfect a timing to be a simple coincidence.

You were about to swallow up your fifth drink, launching yourself head first into the “sad phase” when an ear shattering noise rang all around your apartment.

Broken glass.

It was the sound of broken glass. Heightened to the max by your drunkness. You turned on your stool, and…there he was.

It was a guy. That you were sure of because he had no boobs and too much pecs. And that guy…well that guy just flew right through your window, destroying it. How rude.

There was glass everywhere.

How much did a window cost ? Probably a fortune.

You wondered briefly if you could just use aluminium foil and tape the shit up. There was nothing of value to steal in your apartment anyway, and if aluminium foil could keep meals warm, it definitely worked with a house too right ?

You sobered up quite a bit, but you were also very drunk when this event happened, so your mind was still in that cloudy weird phase where your priorities were…interesting.

You worried more about the broken window at first, than about that guy who just launched through it.

A guy.

Not just any guy.

You saw that guy before.

He was one of those night vigilante your crazy hometown was filled with…RED HOOD !!

“Thick thighs”, is the first thing you thought right after you recognized him (priorities).

The second thing you thought was that you needed another drink, and so you downed what was your fifth one, but with that crazy thing happening ended up being on the same level as if it was a second one. You were tipsy, but not “drunk” anymore.

The third thing that came to your mind was…Is he still alive ?

No cause, he was like, just laying there, on your living room’s floor, not moving.

“…Outch.”

Oh. He spoke.

So he ain’t dead. Good, means you can have another drink then, you don’t need a clear mind to call an ambulance or something.

Oddly enough, in your half-drunk half-sober state, this sounded completely reasonable. Nevermind if Red Hood had some internal bleeding or something. He talked. He was probably fine.

A minute passed, and you just sat there, sipping up your tequila in between taking a pinch of salt and biting into a piece of lemon.

Salt, tequila, lemon. Great remedy against heartbreaks.

Wait, were you heartbroken ? Really ? You couldn’t really recall that fact now. But, yeah…it was the reason why you were drinking right ? Because right now, all you could think about was the fact that this Red hood guy had abs for days…

This unforeseen event sobered you up quite a bit, but the two shots you just took kinda brought you back to the same state than you were before.

Well. Not quite. You were drunk as hell again, but seemed to have avoided the “sad phase”. Instead, Red Hood bursting quite literally through your window took you to another road.

The : “Cool, I got a drinking buddy phase”. Well, taking for granted he didn’t have any internal bleeding and wouldn’t die while biting into a lemon wedge.

“Tough day ?”

You ask him, as he slowly sits up and shakes his head, trying to regain his senses. He looks towards you and seem surprised (or at least you think he is, because he wears a mask so…kinda hard to tell).

************

Jason definitely thought he was alone in this place, because no sane person would just sit there, not saying anything, as someone simply jumped through their window. Nope, most people would just freak out. Scream.

He knows, because it’s not the first time he falls through a window during a night on duty. And every single time it happened, people freaked out. Screamed. Threw stuffs at him, or hid away begging for their life to be spared.

And yet here you were, half a bottle of tequila in front of you, surrounded by lemon wedges you bit into, and table salt all over your hand, just staring at him curiously. And did you just say : “tough day” ?

Well, Jason guessed the empty half of the bottle was why you were so chilled about it all. He sat up, and slowly got back to his feet.

Usually, going through a window meant the end of the night for him. He’d go back to one of his secret stash, patch himself up and get some rest. Most of the time, he fell through windows because someone pushed him or threw him there…Though today, he just embarrassingly missed a step and fell by himself.

Of course, no one would ever now he tripped while jumping from one building to another (you lived on the last floor) and went careening into your home (and life). Nope, the official story would be that he fought a fierce enemy and was thrown into that window. Finding fake villains name was easy, given how truly ridiculous some could be.

Tim and Damian were still after the “Illusive Blue Man” that he totally made up that one time he walked into a poll and had a huge black eye that he couldn’t quite explain…Oh man, he had to stop telling such elaborate lies and just say “I fought with a few guys last night” without more explanation.

But he couldn’t help it. And those kids believed everything he said, it was too tempting…But for now, this wasn’t the issue. Nope.

He did a quick check of his body and knew he wasn’t really hurt (thanks “dad” for the amazing body armor ugh ?), so he was planning on leaving that poor girl’s house and send a mystery check in the mail to pay for the damage (money stolen from a certain Bruce Wayne of course, as if he would pay himself).

Yup. He was just gonna stand up, and go on his way and…somehow, he found himself sitting on the stool opposite side of this mysterious girl, and now she was peppering salt on his hand ?

“Salt”, she says, and she has a cute drunk voice. Jason almost forgets he just went through a window a few minutes ago.

“Tequila”, she continues, downing her drink and pointing at the one she poured him. He doesn’t even care the she poured it in a cereal bowl that she didn’t even seem to have clean…He drunk worst things in worst recipient. He turns away to take off his mask and so that she can’t see his face, and “bottom’s up”.

“Lemon !” she finishes, biting into the sour fruit and spitting it in the direction of the trashcan but missing completely. The lemon wedge goes to lost itself amongst his fallen brothers…

Jason bites into his own lemons, and spits it. Right into the garbage.

There’s a slight pause, where she just stares at the trashcan, and then at Jason, back to the trashcan, and then turns to him again and simply says :

“Wow.”

************

So. This was surreal.

Here you were. In your home. Taking tequila shots. With…Red Hood.

One of Gotham’s night vigilante. The most violent one. But the dude seemed chilled. He was holding his liquor really well.

And now you were talking about your broken heart, telling him the story as if he’d been your friend for years. And he was listening. Intently. And reacting to what you were saying. It had been a LONG time, since you had this kind of talk with anyone, and despite the fact you were drunk, you still noticed how nice it felt to have someone to talk to. Someone that genuinely listened.

“And then he slept with her !” you say angrily.

“Nooooooo !?!”

“Yes, he did ! He slept with…with…what was her name…”

“Nicole. From accounting.”

“Right, Nicole from accounting ! That bitch ! She always just…counts and shit ! And he slept with her ! Nicole from accounting ! Whom he met thanks to me, by the way ! At a partyyyy !! At my wooooork !!”

“What an ass.”

“Right ?! Oh but he had such a good ass though…Quite firm. But whenever he wore jeans, it was super flat.”

“So, not such a good ass in the end then ?”

“I guess not. You have a good ass. Popping right out in this outfit of yours.”

Red Hood chuckles, and the sound of his laughter makes you forget that you just said something incredibly embarrassing. His voice is…nice. Deep. Manly. You like it. You wanna make him chuckle some more, so you say, hoping :

“And it looks very firm. Not just quite firm.”

It works. He snorts and it’s very cute. Oh wow. He can be sexy and cute. Full package. You smile a bit dreamily.

For a second, he’s lost in that smile of yours, and there’s a silence installing itself in the room. A comfortable one. That you break :

“Ok. So now, he’s not that perfect anymore ! He got no ass ! Penalty points ! I never notice how un-assed he was before…”

Jason smiles and damn. He’s hot.

Somewhere along the way, he stopped turning his face away from you whenever he took a shot, and just ended up taking his helmet off. He was probably hoping that you’d black out or something, so you wouldn’t remember his face (or he just didn’t care).

In any case, you were pretty sure you never saw him before. His face kinda reminded you of an old memory. Of someone you saw somewhere long ago, when you were a kid…Which wasn’t really a big help right ?

Right. You had no idea who he was. And in your drunken state, probably couldn’t piece anything together anyway. So even if you did know who he could be, you wouldn’t know in the end anyway…Makes perfect sense right ?

What you knew was : he’s hot.

This white streak in his hair did something to you that you couldn’t explain. And that jawline ? You would love to get cut on that bitch. It could actually cut a bitch, you were sure of it. Those blue eyes ? You’ve never seen someone with such blue eyes. And did you mention to yourself how muscular he was ? Because man you only saw guys like this in magazines !

But beyond his handsome features, he seemed like a nice guy. Like he was listening to you, a total stranger. And this realization suddenly raised your guard up.

You also thought that your ex-cheating-boyfriend was a nice guy. And come to think of it, who the hell just barge in someone’s home like that, and actually stay to drink tequila shots ?! Wait but…in your guts…it’s not like with your ex.

You don’t think he’s a nice guy. You know he is.

************

There’s a visible shift in your mood, after this realization. So far, you talked to him about your broken heart freely, and he listened.

Oddly enough, no words that came out of your (perfect) mouth bored him. Jason wasn’t sure wether it was the alcohol or not, but you captivated him.

But in a split second, and without him knowing why, your features changed. You were now frowning. Like an unhappy little kid. It was kinda cute, but he didn’t like it because…why were you frowning ?

He tries to lighten up the mood and says :

“Well here you go. See, you didn’t loose the perfect guy, his ass was flat in jeans. Can’t work with that, can you ? I bet we can find other flaws. Make you realize he actually was a looser.”

Your guard is up, but you can’t help but smile a bit, plus you were frowning just now because you realized you just knew you could trust that total stranger, and it was so weird….

Besides, no harm in indulging this, because you’re pretty sure it’ll make you feel better to try and see the bad side of your ex-boyfriend, not just his good ones. No one was perfect. And so, still a bit careful, you say :

“Well…He never got any of my Tv shows or movie references.”

“Well, here’s a point to take off of his “perfectness”. Doesn’t get pop culture references. Deal breaker.”

“Yeah…Yeah you’re right. It is. He also used to hate when I made jokes. I like puns ya know ? Terrible ones. Well, he was always embarrassed whenever I made them in public.”

“Ashamed of his girlfriend, doesn’t sound very gentlemanly, right ?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t. Maybe he wasn’t such a perfect gentleman…He also used to not want to go out with me if I didn’t wear any make-up and was dressed just casually.”

“What you mean, he never just went out with you ?”

“We only went out on dates. I had to dress up. I could be casual home though…”

“Well goodie, the man let you be yourself when you were home. Big deal. To be honest, sounds like a douchey move.”

“That was kinda douchey…I never cared what he looked like.”

And it’s true. For you, physical appearance wasn’t everything. And sure you thought your ex was hot and all, but only because you liked his personality too. You liked his jokes, you were never ashamed of anything he said.

And right now, sure that stranger that bursted through your window was hot, but the reason you felt like you could tell him things was because he just made you comfortable by his mere aura. Because he gave you such a good vibe.

You never were fully about appearances. It was always just a bonus for you…So it never occurred to you why your ex would only hang out in public with you if you were pampered. Like he used to hate when you just wore hoodies and no make-up, even if you didn’t need make-up to be beautiful.

Comes to think of it, he was very much about appearances…Uh. Interesting. You never realized that before.

You turn to Red Hood, and the look on your face says it all. You’re slowly realizing maybe you didn’t just lost “the one”. The vigilante says :

“Ok, so : no ass, no humor apparently, doesn’t get pop culture references, and was kind of a jerk when it came to going out with you…”

“He did tell me often that I was beautiful though. Including when I just woke up from a night out, and was awful looking.”

“Yeah, but he never went out with you looking like that. He shouldn’t feel ashamed of hanging out with you looking like that. Just like he shouldn’t feel embarrassed when you joke. He can be exasperated, like if you really make bad puns, sure. And he can think it’s unfunny…But embarrassed ? No.”

“I guess…I never thought about it.”

“Well let me tell you, as someone who does not know neither you nor him personally, he sounds like a bit of a jerk. Let’s not forget he cheated as well. Like, that’s not something good people do. Especially not with…Nicole from accounting.”

“Nicole from accounting…Yeah. They’re together now though.”

“So ? He should’ve broken up with you if he realized he liked her. That’s the right thing to do. Trust me on that, I put villains behind bars for a living, I know what’s right or wrong.”

“I heard you kill criminals.”

“Used to. I used to kill criminals, I had issues. I’ll tell you one day if you wanna. It’s a real tear jerker story. With clowns and crowbars. And I’m telling you that because I’m drunk, right now. Also, if we want to be specific, I don’t actually make a living out of putting villains behind bars. Like, I don’t get paid or anything…”

Jason finds himself ranting about anything that comes to his mind, and though he hears himself claim it’s because of the alcohol he’s saying all this, he realizes maybe there’s something else making him want to talk.

You. A total stranger he walked upon. Or rather, went-through-the-window upon. Who didn’t freak out when he went through said window. And instead, invited him over to have tequila shots.

Because, according to your grandmother, the best remedy to…basically any problems in life, was “salt, tequila, lemon”.

“She was a wise woman.”

He says, and you turn to him, clearly not understanding what he was talking about.

“Who ?”

“Your grandma. For saying that salt, tequila and lemon was a great remedy against heartbreaks and all.”

“Oh. Yeah. I wouldn’t know, I never met her. She died before I was born.”

“Well what she passed on to your parents is great.”

“What ?”

“Well, that “salt, tequila and lemon” thing, I assume she said that to your mom or dad, and then they said that to you, and then it became your grandma’s advice. Right ?”

“…Nah. It’s an excuse I made up. Whenever I need to justify something, I just say “like my grandma said, ain’t no shame in eating an entire tub of ice cream if you want to”, and then people are just like “oh yeah, cool”, because when you say the word “grandma”, then it gives a perspective to your words ya know ?”

Jason had no idea what you were on about, but he loved it. You seemed to be very smart. And witty. And funny. The hell did that guy cheated on you for ? And why was he ashamed of going out in public with you when you weren’t dressed up ?!

You currently wore “Hello Kitty” pyjamas, had absolutely no make up on, and your hair was a mess, and he thought you looked gorgeous.

“Why are you so nice ?”

Your question takes him by surprise, and for a few seconds he doesn’t register it and just says : “ugh ?”

“To me. Why are you so nice to me ? Is it the alcohol ? Does it make you nice ? Or are you just nice to every stranger ? Every girl you destroy the windows of ? Or are you like my ex ? You seem nice, but then you go off and cheat on your girl simply because you like another girl and you’re too cowardly to break up with your current girl ?”

Jason hiccups slightly, and says :

“No, I’m not nice to any girl I met. I’m actually usually kind of a jerk, too “brutally honest”. But you…I don’t know. You give me good feelings. Oh and here’s to add on his flaws list. “Coward”. Can’t even break up with a girl, has to wait to get caught red-handed and break her heart. Cooooward. Bad flaw. Kind of guy who runs in the face of danger, instead of standing by you.”

It’s probably the fact that he said “you give me good feelings” that spurs this in you. That gives you a new clearer perspective on things.

“My heart wasn’t broken.”

It’s a shock, to you. This realization. This sudden feeling jumping in your face. You…are not heartbroken. You’re mad. You’re frustrated. You feel betrayed. You feel a crazy burning anger towards your ex for toying around with you like that. For not having the balls to just break up, after spending two years together.

He was suppose to know you. To be your friend. Things could have turned out better. He could have just come up to you, say the truth, and…You were pretty sure you’d still be friend. Because he really was a great guy.

He really was all the good thing you though about him. He made a mistake, an unforgivable one in your book. But he was a great guy.

He was just…not your great guy. Not anymore at least.

And you realized, there, quite drunk, that…It was ok.

Your heart wasn’t broken.

Your pride was. Your trust was. But your heart ? …Maybe you weren’t completely in love with him. You were best friends, yes, but love ? Maybe it wasn’t love…

Your heart wasn’t broken.

“My heart isn’t broken.”

You tell Red hood, looking at him right in his wonderful ocean blue eyes. And he looks right back at you, and just nods. Just like that. And then he pours you one last tequila shot.

Because like your grandma would say : “When you make great discovery about yourself…Salt, tequila, lemon”.

************

It took you only a few hours with him to realize that you weren’t in love with your ex, and that was kinda scary. Because this realization didn’t come from nowhere.

Nope.

But when he said that your ex broke your heart, you felt obligated to tell him that no. No your heart wasn’t broken. You were sad and angry, yes, but not heartbroken. For you, in that moment, it was important for this total stranger to know you weren’t actually in love.

Hell, you didn’t even know yourself you weren’t that in love before you talked to him. It just came as a sudden, yet utterly true revelation.

Because, and this wasn’t the alcohol speaking…You felt incredibly attracted to that guy. To Red Hood. Not just because of the white streak in his hair, and the eyes, and smile, and voice, and abs, and thick thighs. That too, sure, but not only…Nope.

Nope. Not because of this.

But because he had a tough day (he said so himself, explaining to you how he went through the window…he was fighting a super-villain when he got flung through your window, tough tough time ahem), and yet he sat with a crazy lady that peppered salt on his hand and practically forced him to take a tequila shot…

Because you could see in his eyes, and felt in your guts that he didn’t have an easy life…and yet he took a break from whatever he was doing to just sit with you and listen to you. He didn’t even make sense, that you trusted those feelings so fiercely. And yet, you did. Because he listened to you.

He saw you were struggling and he stayed. And though you felt you couldn’t trust anyone at that time…You oddly felt like he was ok.

Like he wouldn’t be the kind of guy to cheat, or run in the face of danger, leaving you all alone to fight off demons.

In a few short hours, you fell for this guy more than you ever fell for your ex.

What did that say about you uh ? …That was pretty pathetic…

************

Jason didn’t think that you were pathetic at all.

On the contrary. If he went to seat with you, and drink with you, is because he was instantly mesmerized by you.

And though he didn’t know at first why, now he was sure of it.

It’s because you didn’t freak out. And something told him it wasn’t only because you were a bit drunk (he fell in drunk people’s home before…none reacted like you).

Nope. It was because you were special. He just knew it. Special in every way. Funny. Beautiful. Genuinely listening to him when he was speaking.

He peppered his own problems within your story, as you told him. And you listened. Hell, even referenced a few things he said early on, way later, while you were crazy drunk. You listened.

You gave a total stranger that seemed to have a tough day some salt. And tequila. And lemons.

And then you cared. You asked him a thousand times if he was ok, and he basically had to take off his armor to prove it so (to your eyes’ greatest pleasure…mm mm mm those muscles).

Captivated. He was captivated by you. It was strange, and though he knew it was because you were special, he still was unclear as to why his feelings were that strong.

For someone he just met. And barely knew. And only knew while drunk.

You were just…Special.

************

It was surreal. The all thing.

What started as a night where you planned on wallowing your pain and drinking…ended up changing your life.

And no one could convince you that it wasn’t Fate. Because what were the odds that Red Hood would fall through YOUR window after tripping (yeah you didn’t buy that “fighting super-villains thing” at all) ?

What were the odds of his timing being so perfect, arriving just before you started to cry ? Because there was no doubt in your mind that if he had come a few seconds later, he wouldn’t have stayed.

He would have found a crying mess, and maybe he would have tried to confort you but…You wouldn’t have answered. In your “sad phase”, you only cry and whine. He would have eventually left. And the wonderful talk you’d just have, would never have happened.

But instead. He came right before your lips touch that fatal shot of tequila that would have brought you into the “sad phase”. And took your drunkness down a notch. Rerouted your evening.

You weren’t wallowing anymore, you were ranting.

Sharing your anger and frustration.

And he helped you realize that your ex wasn’t that perfect…That maybe it was just not meant to be…After all, he cheated on you.

Uh. What a shame. You didn’t even know his name…”Red Hood”…

You wished you knew his name.

************

The morning lights were rising, and the bottle of tequila was long gone.

There were still salt and lemons though. For some reason, you decided to buy the entire grocery store’s stock of lemons.

Red Hood stood up, and said he had to go.

He was nice about it. Said it was a pleasure to have spend the night with you. You both laughed about the innuendos that ensued.

You were exactly on the same page. And he understood all your joke referencing to pop culture…

But it was time for him to go. And he apparently had no intention of telling you his real name. He didn’t hint either at ever coming back to see you again.

And there was that. Just a nice night, spend talking to a genuine friend that you’ll never see again.

A genuine friend that you didn’t even know a few hours before.

Maybe it was the alcohol speaking. Maybe not.

And even if you ended up never seeing him again, this evening truly changed your life…At least, it saved you from a heartbreak. Made you realize it wasn’t that.

Though, now, as he climbs out of the window again (he couldn’t possibly use the front door), you feel like the actual heartbreak is starting.

Grandma’s remedy against heartbreak ? Right.

Salt, tequila, lemon…

But the tequila is all gone.

“I’ll send someone to fix that window…Sorry again about that. …Bye.” are his last words, and then he’s out.

And the tequila is all gone.

************

…

Days pass by in a blur.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

Ugh. But you don’t want to this time. You don’t want to get drunk to forget.

You don’t want to forget him. And you know it’s ridiculous to get that worked up over a guy you met one night and that will never come back. That you didn’t even know the name of.

This entire night was weird anyway.

Getting drunk with a dangerous night vigilante. Pouring your heart out to him, and him doing the same. The hell were you even thinking ?

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

That would be a good idea to do this right now, because man…your heart hurt. More than when you discovered your ex sleeping with Nicole. From accounting. But you can’t resolve yourself to drink. To forget. Nope. Instead you…

*Knock knock knock*.

Uh ? You take a quick look at your clock in the kitchen.10 pm. Who the hell is coming at 10 pm ?! It can only be bad news. Especially in Gotham…You peep into the eyehole and…

WHAT ?!

You open your door quickly, and…

“Told you I’d send someone to fix your window.”

It’s him. It’s Red hood. But in…civilian clothes.

His ass doesn’t look flat in jeans.

He’s holding a window wrapped in cardboard, and there’s a toolbox at his feet.

“Yeah, you did…come in.”

************

Jason Todd.

That’s his name. And connections are fast to be made in your brain. Jason Todd. Bruce Wayne’s adopted son. That supposedly died…ten years ago.

And is Red Hood now. Oh. It makes sense. Even his little “killing criminals” thing while Batman never killed. You easily put two and two together.

Red Hood. Jason Todd. Bruce Wayne.

Wow. Can’t believe you never guessed that before. Of course Bruce Wayne is Batman. He’s got the motive, the means, the excuses…It’s so obvious. And yet, you never realized. And no one else in Gotham ever realized.

Jason Todd.

Now you know his name.

And he’s fixing your window. Nobody ever fixed windows for you before (even those who broke it).

Um. To add to the “perfect man” list : “Handy”.

Jason Todd.

He quickly works the window up, and then he turns to you. While he was working you talked, as if you knew each other for years. Joking around. Like old friends. Like old extremely good and close friends.

It fits. It clicks. It’s natural. You and him, him and you.

Barely knowing each others, and yet knowing each others the best.

Jason. Todd.

He turns to you now, and with a smirk, he says :

“Ya know, my grandma always say that when something good happens to you, you need to celebrate. And I feel like this, right now, you and I, though I have no idea what we’re doing and where it’s going…Well it’s still something to celebrate. And she always says, my grandma, that to celebrate perfectly you need…”

You smile.

Yeah. You don’t know where this thing between you two is going, but you do know that you never met someone who so fully understood you.

And in such a short span of time. And you know you’re not mistaking. It’s a feeling too strong to be a mistake.

He came back to fix your window for god’s sake. And trusted you enough to tell you his actual name. Without a second thought. Which meant everything. Especially since from all the hint he let slip through last time you saw each others, about his father, well…let’s just say telling people his real name wasn’t really something he was used to.

But it just works. It fits. It clicks. It’s not like with your ex, because you don’t think you know it does. It just does. The fact that you say those next few words in perfect sync finishes to convince you :

(“…And she always says, my grandma, that to celebrate perfectly you need…”)

“Salt, tequila, and lemons.”

______________________________________________

I’m so mad the Tumblr app crashed and I deleted the original post...Y’all were great and reblogged the hell out of it ! Which is why it got so many notes in such a short span of times. And feedbacks. I haven’t had that many feedbacks on a story in a long time. So just one last time and I won’t bother you with that again : Please, if you enjoyed this story, don’t hesitate to reblog it and share it with others. People who don’t follow me can’t really find my stories anymore so...you’re a big help by spreading them. It’s always very encouraging.

And if you got the time, feedbacks are always hella appreciated and always make my day a little brighter <3.

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