#welcome to my world of words

[icedb1ackcoffee]

Corrupted by Design CH 1 | Feyd-Rautha x Reader

After generations of pillaging and destroying their ecosystem, you are assigned by the Emperor to work on with the Harkonnens to improve their planet’s agriculture as Imperial Ecologist. However, Giedi Prime is far from welcoming, and you must fight to survive the horrors you endure at the hands of the Harkonnens. When you catch the eye of the Baron’s youngest nephew, and most prized possession, you step into a world complicated by politics and revenge.

Tags: Unbeta'd, AFAB Reader, multiple OCs, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, enemy to friends to lovers/enemy lovers, slow burn, fake science, blood, violence, gore, body horror, cannibalism, uncle/nephew incest (implied), eventual smut, etc.

A/N: I’ve never read the books, so this is a combination of the Villeneuve films, the Dune Wiki, and a heavy dose of just making shit up lol. I try my best to make Reader as nondescript as possible, but there are mentions of having periods and body hair in later chapters. As a warning up front, this will not have a Happily Ever After ending, but maybe more like Happy For Now?

Please mind the tags; this is very dark, but that comes with the territory.

Chapter One: Like Meat (Spoiled)

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When you first arrived at Giedi Prime, nothing could have adequately prepared you for the shock the harsh environment brought. 

Approaching the planet, dark, heavy clouds of pollution choked its atmosphere, seen even from your descent into the atmosphere. Any hope you’d had on your mission here began to wither as you saw the goliath manufacturing plants and landfills that scarred the horizon on all sides. Even the advanced Sardakaur technology on this ship couldn’t soften the harsh winds. Could this be the reason why they accepted you— a last-ditch effort to salvage whatever was left of this godforsaken planet…?

When you landed, you rose unsteadily to your feet and grabbed your luggage. Two large bags and one satchel tied at your waist. The rest unloaded off the ship, full of your tools and plants. Your entire life packed away, always ready for the next move. An escort accompanied you off ship, the rest staying inside. Not that you would blame them; if it was not required of you, you would not leave, either.

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#dune fic #feyd rautha #feyd rautha x reader #feyd rautha x you #afab reader #austin butler #austin butler x reader #feyd rautha x oc #i'm not a scientist but there is some science fuckery afoot #i listened to so much dark techno and gregorian chants while writing this lmao my spotify wrapped is gonna be fucked up #i wrote 14k words in like 1 week to say i have feyd brain rot would be an understatement #welcome to the wonderful world of me not knowing how to shut up! #feyd x reader #betty writes #cor #corrupted by design

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

something i've been thinking about:

Wally is set up as a sort of "main character" by the whrp. he's said in the site's description of the show to have introduced the main theme/lesson of the day's episode, and then the rest of the neighbors join him on his escapades. but then we have our first glimpses of everyone's actual dynamics and characters through the audios and you look at Wally and its like

first of all, thats an npc. second, nearly everybody else has severe main character syndrome

but its fascinating how Wally is just kind of... There. he doesnt talk much. he doesnt contribute beyond a couple of lines. its more like he joins the others on their shenanigans. he fades into the background. he's off to the side while everyone else holds conversations & leads the moment

Wally, despite being described as Thee character, is borderline background.

& whats even more interesting, within his individual secret audio files and interactions - he's almost chatty. not only that but the way he talks is more confident and faster paced. he's taking initiative. he can be kinda pushy. when talking to the qa/whrp/Us, he acts more like the character his descriptions portray. he acts more like a person instead of a puppet waiting for his next cue

I cant tell if - when around the neighbors - his tepid milk behavior is a purposeful act or if he's masking. and if he's masking, is it deliberate or involuntary? and in regards to both, why is he acting so different? It could be tied to what he's trying to accomplish. if he's trying to "restore" Welcome Home, it would make sense for him to act as he does around the neighbors - he wouldnt want to clue them in that he knows so much more than he's letting on, would he?

but then that begs another train of thought - what if he isn't acting or masking? if there is a time discrepancy between Wally's interactions with the qa/whrp/Us & the more 'official' audios, that could explain the difference in behavior. we could be getting glimpses into "future" (read: current) Wally, who's had much more time to figure himself out since we can safely assume he started out as a blank slate. we could be seeing a more experienced Wally than the one seen with his friends.

of course that line of thinking loses some merit when considering the 14 "bug" audios. or it could lend to it... if we're seeing a more experienced Wally but his friends are only seeing what he allows them to. it's still him, just... a carefully curated version.

in general it could really tie into the themes of identity and change and being other, to me. when you're so different - or you feel so different - that you can't bring yourself to be your most authentic you around your friends. when you feel like you have to hold back and be who you think they expect you to be, or what would be most palatable. most normal. will they accept you as you really are? there's always the fear and terror that the people you consider closest to you won't. or when you're so scared of change that you'll shove down & lock away parts of yourself so that you can keep things as you are. because once they know you've changed, so will they. and really, do you want to even accept that you've changed? what if that's what scares you most of all - that you're different, you've metamorphosized, you can't go back to the way things were because you yourself are no longer the person you were before. there is no reversing this no matter how much you try or pretend

#its just so fascinating #the whrp: wally's The Guy! #wally (with his friends): the most lukewarm dude ever #then he's alone or alone with home and its like Hi My Name Is Wally Darling & Welcome To Jackass *off-tune guitar riff* #bbg has ✨problems✨ #and like - im giving all of his stuff a re-listen to make sure im not misremembering or completely talking out of my ass #but his phone call? the way his VA is delivering the lines seems So fuckign different than in the shared audios #his tone is flatter. he sounds more sure of his words and himself. he Sounds like he's in control and knows it. #immediately going from that to a shared audio where he puts more inflection in his voice & doesnt talk much #and when he does talk its slow. meandering. his lines are more befitting of his audience surrogate role #which only makes me feel more like he's acting/masking (again: if that time discrepancy does indeed exist) #which - as someone who kinda compulsively masks around Literally Everyone no matter how much i want to Not - it kinda hits hard! #i suspect that he Is masking instead of acting. he's The Most Autism as we all know so it would more than fit #and that could add an extra layer if it's automatic and he can't turn it off. or if he doesn't want to turn it off #but also acting... a misplaced attempt to protect his friends and world? not feeling like he can share his 'true' self? augh #wally darling you make me unwell. i want to dissect you #wh speculation #welcome home speculation #homebogging #and then listening to his little record audios #he starts out talking like he does in the shared audios and then slowly gains confidence until he's speaking more like he does in the call #just. wally not being talkative in the neighborhood to the point where everyone's like 'yeah wally isnt much of a talker' #vs him chatting away to the qa/whrp/Us #of course it could be because he has to carry the entire conversation on his own #But. but. you can still carry a one sided conversation and be hesitant or awkward or um. missing the word rn but short-sentenced #brief? succinct? concise? #wally's fully trying to make conversation with someone he knows can't reply. which is interesting #so many ways to take that. well. three #maybe he doesnt feel listened to in his day to day life / he feels more comfortable and can relax / hes been alone for a long while #anyway there may be more ways to take this but this is all my tiny poppyseed brain can reach atm

[shittywriterbrain]

when you realise that both odysseus and medea are manipulating, deceiving characters who are way too smart for their own good but are overcome by anger, pride and jealousy which leads them to commit horrendous acts of violence. and then odysseus is the hero and medea is the bitch

#ok there IS a difference #there are multiple differences #medea is expected to tolerate jasons cheating. she doesnt and therefore challenges expectations set on women #odysseus goes on a wild killing rampage murdering and executing all the suitors and penelopes maids #medea kills her own children which i will say is on another level #but they both commit multiple murders #odysseus is a hero. he fought at troy (where he slaughtered ppl in a temple. yay) and hes a greek king #medea is a priestess of hecate and from kolchis so basically from the other end of the world (to the greeks) #so shes not only a weird woman shes also not entirely human aand “barbaric“ #but i would argue that both commit revenge out of anger pride and jealousy #only that defines the image we have of medea (ignoring how she helped jason on multiple adventures) as a jealous murderous witch #but it doesnt impact the image we have of odysseus as a wily hero #yeah welcome to my 5. pk #5. pk #and dont even get me STARTED on lady macbeth #in the wise words of gerard way “and so he gets to die a saint but she will always be the whore“ #greek mythology #medea #odysseus

[phoenixkaptain]

Me: I will not post random thoughts on Tumblr to strangers. I can keep my opinions to myself.

Also me: Why is everyone so mean to Ben?? How could Obi-Wan have known that Luke would somehow become the first person ever to take a Sith and pull them back to the light side without any amnesia involved? How could he have known that?? Also, he watched Anakin murder children, I don’t think it’s fair to make him out to be the bad guy for not giving Anakin another child.

Also, is the scene on Bespin supposed to be Vader’s turning point? Because sources say he was very evil and bad and more evil, but was Bespin the point when he realized? Like, look at it this way. Anakin almost definitely became desensitized to killing. We see that in the Clone Wars; he has no issue killing people for whatever reason, so it’s clear that he’s become numb to it.

But, Darth Vader is used to people doing whatever they can to stay alive near him. People are afraid of him. They do what he says because he is six and a half feet tall and more machine than man, on top of being someone who can choke someone across a video call. The people who do refuse to do what he says are the rebels, the bad guys, from his perspective.

So when he has Luke cornered, he expects Luke to surrender because he views Luke as his son, which means Luke can’t die. Padme died and that is as much death by his own hands in his own family that Vader is willing to take. Luke has to surrender, because Vader doesn’t want to kill him and there’s no other way out, unless Luke wants to let go of the gantry and fall to his probable death.

And Luke lets go.

In that moment, do you think it hits him? Do you think Vader realizes that his own son is willing to die over being on the same side as him? His son hates him so much, he falls into a bottomless hole just to escape him.

Do you think that’s the moment Vader realizes that Luke is fragile? Luke is human? Luke isn’t just a Jedi, he isn’t just the person who is uncatchable and who blew up the Death Star, he’s a person who can die. And it’s highly likely that Luke will die, from Vader’s perspective. This boy who would rather fall to his death than spend another moment in Vader’s company. If anyone was going to die in this fight, surely it would be the dumbass who flies into traps, knowing full well that they are traps.

Do you think that’s what the scene means? Is that Vader’s turning point? Is that the moment when he feels worry for Luke? Not worry for the Luke in his mind, the power that Luke has, or anything. Just, worry for his son.

Vader was willing to kill millions, billions, or even trillions of people to get to Luke, but Luke is willing to kill himself before being caught. Luke, the one person Vader doesn’t want to die. The one person he figured probably couldn’t die, since he pulls stupid shit all the time and walks away like nothing happened.

Is that the moment where Vader dimmed, just for a second, and became a bit more of Anakin, instead?

#star wars #star wars original trilogy #luke skywalker #anakin skywalker #darth vader #obi wan kenobi #hello welcome to my fifty thousand word essay #on how Ben did nothing wrong #he just wanted luke to see anakin as obi wan saw him #the best person alive and the most important person in obi wan’s world #excuse him for not wanting to tell a barely adult #that his father has brutally murdered countless people #also yes #this is another random thought time #the inane ramblings of a madman #very long post #long post

[kedreeva]

i saw your post about eddie running before you sent me that response and i've just been staring at the wall ever since. there's so many layers to this and it kills me, but the one i keep coming back to is the fact that, probably for the first time in his life, eddie had someone other than wayne trying to look out for him and protect him. and after thinking there was no hope for himself after what happened to chrissy, it was likely a huge relief to know he had people in his corner after all

*takes a deep breath*

Can you even IMAGINE

We do not know what happened to his parents (I vaguely recall his actor saying he had some headcanons, but we don't hear anything in canon), so we don't know if they're dead, if they abandoned him, if they were taken. We just know he's living with his uncle. Not even his parents have been in his corner, by force or choice.

You're right that Wayne's in his corner, but Wayne's got his own life. He cares, he loves Eddie, that's very clear, but he's working nights, which means he's sleeping during the day, there's a good chance that they just don't see each other very much, and

His band mates/D&D buddies? They don't seem overly concerned, and they give Eddie up almost immediately upon duress. And we never see them again, we don't see them looking for him, we aren't shown any shots of them being concerned. Our team never has to deal with them. Are they bandmates that play DND or are they friends?? They're certainly not friends like we're used to.

Given Eddie's flunked senior year twice already, the school system doesn't appear to be particularly on his side. The cops certainly won't be. The other students outside of Hellfire Club think he's a freak, the drug dealer, the failure. There's no one. There's no one capable of looking out for Eddie completely except himself, and god, doesn't that ring with the worst combo of words in the english language: "I'm used to it."

But even if he could handle himself on a normal day? Suddenly he's REALLY screwed, because a terrible, inexplicable thing happened in front of him, to him even, and there's no way anyone will ever believe him. He's on his own, he's alone, he's on the run with no idea how he's going to look out for himself and who else does he really have at that moment? Whatever house of cards Eddie's built to feel safe in, it's gone now. Things he cannot explain have blown it over and left his life in scattered pieces.

And... and then Dustin is there.

This ridiculous child Eddie had swept under his wing when he thought HE was the one taking care of DUSTIN... this kid shows up and he's not even ALONE, he's brought not one, not two, but THREE people with him, with the promise of more, and they're saying it's okay when nothing is okay, and the most ridiculous part of it all is that....... Eddie believes him. Eddie looks at Dustin, and Max, and Robin, at Steve's scared but determined face, and for the first time possibly in years he suddenly has a group of people willing to not just tolerate him, not just be friendly, but who are willing to throw down and be the "find out" for anyone that wants to fuck around with him.

can you even imagine the high of that relief? the shock of it?? the absolute gut punch of hope that maybe he can lean on someone? the mind boggling and dawning horror that not only would he walk into hell for these people in theory, he's going to do it in practice, because if they're not worth it, who is?

#stranger things #eddie munson #asks #that's not even to MENTION what happens when he tells them what happened #when they tell him you're wanted for murder but DON'T WORRY #it's only because monsters are real #and also Hell itself is trying to break down the door #in the immortal words of my friend #welcome to our terrible club #here's your walkie #you're family now #and we will defy the laws of god and man to defend you #like fuck me up #eddie runs because he has no one #and the hot second anyone turns and says we got you man #he's ready to stride into hell with his head high and eyes clear #sword and shield at the ready to defend the world #he needed love not death #god we haven't even gotten to the warmth of sacrifice for a world #that didn't care to protect him back #because the people he cared about were still in it #allie I'm just trying to live in peace over here

[risingsunresistance]

more stuff from the skyblock fanfic that lives in my head rent free (the fic does not exist)

#ark this one is for you. you know EXACTLY what this is about #when the. when the magic of the world brings life even in death. starts sobbing and crying and screaming etc #sb #my art #im not tagging him i dont wanna be perceived jgdjfh but ur welcome to reblog if you want #i love making messy drawings like this it's sooooo soul healing #lets me get ideas out without caring about how they look or how well they come across #and it doesnt use words #i hate words #im bad at words <3 #he is a bit too large for the doorway hhdkfh. maybe he's just REALLY tall #my techno is like bowser. one game he's 6ft tall at best and the other game he is the size of a building. and that's okay <333 #rising sun

[fungus-gnats]

i think it's really cool to like mycology as much as i do - it's such a vast field, with so many implications and outreaching effects (both good and bad), and it's very fun to say that I'm interested in EVERYTHING.

#likee yeah I know about fungal diseases and how they decimated the frog population (esp chytridiomycosis) #I know about mycotoxins and that mould scares a lot of people (understandably) #and yeast! Candida auris and its drug resistance #but I'm still interested in them!! all of it :) #it's really funny bc I can't “defend” them like animals - how they don't mean harm to humans‚ we're just there and disturbing their habitat #I admit fungi cause harm lol. no doubt about that: that's how they reproduce #doesn't mean I like them any less though! don't think “like” is the best word to use for this but you get my point #my posts #text #mycology #fungi #told my mum this and she said “you're crossing over to the dark side” well what if I welcome that 👀 #isn't it so interesting that some fungal components have medicinal properties and others are the pathogens :] #(probably because some that harm bacteria harm us too) #fungi r like the delicious nuance of the natural world I think. rejecting the binaries. I love that shit

[volivolition]

Idk if you saw or not but a new chapter of the fury of a shattered mirror dropped last night! I haven’t read it yet but I thought I should let you know 😎👍

awughgh HELL YEAH!! ive been away from my laptop for a while so i didnt see, thank you birdy!! :] this is the best news ive had all day hkjgh <33 excited very excited going to read it now <33

#volta transmissions #SKILLS ARE BACK BABEYYYYYYY!! ehehehehe :] oh i LOVE seeing them come back from just ''??????'' SMILES REALLY HAPPILY #welcome back to the world little ones... oh im so happy to see them... :'] ''You do you softie'' EHEHE... skills interactions :D! yay!!!!! #okay i'll add more liveblogging in the tags as i go probably hkjhg <33 i appreciate you very much birdy <33 #''the avant-garde prick is just making shit up again'' HAKJDHKJ... ''You did us proud holding out til the end'' WAH... ENDURANCE... ;O; #WELCOME BACK ENCY SMILES!!! no motorics skills yet though thats to be expected hkjh <3 ency ''you have the facts'' and #empathy ''and the emotions'' HKJGH IS THAT A FACTSFEELINGS SKILLSPOSTING REFERENCE /J lots of voli talking!!! very happy about this <3 #VOLITION - ''if we had the logician here...'' ''...'' ''damnit i thought that would work'' HAHAJKSHDSKJH SMILES. HA. #''Punch something. maybe Coach will show up'' HHFKJH... oh my god this makes me so happy... cmon we gotta get the gang back together... #half light!! hello!! my darling!! LETS GO!! ough buT NOT ENOUGH TO GET ARMS BACK NOOUIGHJ MOTORICS WHERE ARE YOU LITTLE BUDDIES??? #''try to get eyes back online'' ''come on come on--'' OUGH I LOVE... i love how theyre all supporting each other as they come back online.. #TEAMWORK!! CMON LETS GET EVERYONE BACK!! YEAH BOI WE GOT A MOTORICS BACK UP!! HELLO PERCEP! calm down! you need composure in here!! #THE JOYWIRE... OUGH STOP STOP IM SO FOND... VOLI CMON. nooo ourgh takes damage... ''You were really gonna cut me out?'' AWAH... WAHHH!!!!! #ow my heart my HEART. chemi baby my little darling... hugging him kissing his forehead... THERES OUR LOGICIAN HELLO DARLING!! #hkjh trying to cue in interfacing DAMN :'] good metaphor anyway concept it was very well laid. voli keeping track of each of them too hehe #HI DRAMA YAYY! platonic love story! friends!!! ''Neuroplasticity's off the charts.'' ''I'm surprised you know a word that long that isn't- #'''amphetamines''' ''Dextromethorphan asshole'' HAJKSH YOU FUCKING TELL 'EM! YOU'RE NOT E-CHEMISTRY FOR NOTHING!!! #again with trying to get Phys back in hkjhg INLANDDD SMILES HI THERE DREAMER!! Logic just like ''yeah. i hate it here.'' ''have you tried?' #okay this is the 20th tag. hopefully a reblog will be enough to finish out my thoughts but god knows i have so much to say hjhg #esprit: Birdy

[meownotgood]

Heyyy! I found your blog like 2 months ago and when I tell you I’m in love. I’ve been reading fics for like 8+ years and you’re my favorite fic writer (especially for Aki ❤️‍🔥🫶🏾‼️) You’re so skilled at painting scenes and expressing emotions. You make me feel like I’m fully immersed in your writing. Your writing is a world of its own. It moves my emotions so profoundly. It’s clear and vivid and warm and loving.

When I first read your fics, I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what made them so special to me. But when I explored your blog, I figured it out! I think it’s because you write from a place of genuine love (especially for Aki skskskfj). And that’s felt all throughout your writing.

I love the coziness y’all got going on here. Everybody here is just so comfortable voicing all their thoughts and feelings. It feels like home over here. I wanna join y’all. This is your reminder that your writing always touches my heart and soul 💫☁️

ahem…. 🧌 this is a very extra introduction I’m sorry in advance. Take this as a token of my apology

I almost teared up when I first read your ask this morning... I can't express how grateful I am, thank you so so much for saying that. I'm really so happy you enjoy my fics. my heart feels warm knowing you think so highly of my writing... gaaaahhhh I'm just so appreciative I will actually burst like a big bubble

#saving your words to put them in a heart shape locket #it truly means the world to me #you make me feel so special hahaha #I really hope you'll keep enjoying my work!! I want to improve my writing even more 💪 #YOU CAN JOIN THE AKI CULT!!! COME COME #unrelated but that last emoji you used made me giggle so much I've never seen that before 😭 #thank you a thousand times over for your support!!! #you've really made my whole day maybe even the rest of my week #giving you the warmest hug ever right now #welcome to topknotville #ask mags

[danidoesathing]

I agonized over which to pick because I just want to ask about all your fics in progress!! I narrowed it down to two and that's just going to have to be ok

the world is staged and the script is set (you cannot change the ending)

Jukeboxes and Maple Syrup

its very funny you pick those two because those like. two of the only three on that list that ISNT lord huron related lmao. those are both hatchetfield fics ive started in secret. regardless those are the main ones im working on right now SO

the world is staged and the script is set (you cannot change the ending) is a fic based on the ending of TGWDLM where like. you know how in the credits where Emma starts begging the audience for help? and like. you know how in TTO how the audience is also referred to by Bliklotep's title? soooo the fic is the ending but i throw him in the mix and ramp the already existing horror of "begging for help and being ignored a cheering crowd" by going "realizing said crowd has been treating your suffering and death as a source of amusement right before you die". only fun times in hatchetfield

"She stumbles to the edge of the stage. The stitches in her leg have come undone and there’s blood seeping through the bandage. That is real. Emma is real, and she needs to help right now."

Jukeboxes and Maple Syrup is a fic that takes place directly after the end of Yellow Jacket that focuses on Daniel and Sophia like. right after the ending. we dont really see them after the Otho fight and we still have no clue is Sophia is even ALIVE and also i miss them dearly. the fic mostly focuses on Daniel trying not to have a panic attack in Miss Retros because one friend is missing after almost dying and the other is in the hospital after also almost maybe dying and he doesn't really know what to do. Not a whole lot of plot it's mostly him trying to deal with that whole. mess. luckily he's got Miss Holloway and Duke to make things a bit easier (responsible adults? in MY hatchetfield? its honestly only these two but its better than nothing)

"He feels so stupid. Sophia is in the hospital and she might never wake up. Hannah is missing and could be kidnapped or dead or worse. And he’s just sitting here in a cozy diner with pancakes and orange juice, and Hannah’s Jacket but not Hannah and not Sophia."

#you're always welcome to ask again if you wanna see the other ones <- please god im desperate for attention #unfortunately. ive been infected by the alien blue shit (hatchetfield brain rot) sorry #slap my ass and call me paul matthews cause i dont even like musicals but. the silly horror comedy with a side of eldritch fuckery got me #and all the silly little characters got me too. hannah paul holloway duke ethan lex richie emma pete daniel sophia my beloveds #idk how but they managed to make an exact copy of me in 2017. hate his weeb ass (deeply agonized yet deeply affectionate) #i have lots of feelings on hatchetfield but i dont post about it much. or like at all lol #im actually almost done with the world is staged. like really close. just need to finish up the beginning and then clean it up #dani speaks #asks #ask #also fucking with the nmt2 timeline by making miss retros still a thing in yellow jacket despite it taking place after killer track #i want daniel and the kids to have some actual good adults in their life. my timeline now. #(god bless ethan is trying so hard but he is. not good at being responsible.) #i wanted to write about Sophia too but she's like. in a coma #if i ever get a burst of inspiration then i might write a second part following her waking up and being ok and getting panacakes with danie #(and dealing with hannah just. having left hatchetfield overnight without a word) #might be fun who knows

[words-dead-to-the-outer-world]

Tag 9 People Game

Last song: King & Queen of Hearts - David Pomeranz

Last movie: St. Elmo's Fire :)

Currently watching: The Andy Warhol Diaries

Currently reading: Beyond Nothing (Wattpad Story)

Currently craving: Pasta!!

Last thing I searched for writing purposes: "worldbuilding" on YouTube

Thanks for tagging me @gay4utica

My tags:

@blue-eyed-author @catchingbigfish @icy-writes @writing-and-trying @writing-after-midnight @writingdotcoffee

@makaylajade-author @fictionalbullshitter @ihatecoconut

#writeblr #welcome to hell #writers on tumblr #dead to the outer world #mentally fucked #my words #therapy #words dead to the outer world #words

[eccentricsubmissive]

Dear Followers

I have been thinking about starting a side blog to do most of my actual journaling on. Today I decided I would rather keep it all here. Why start a side blog or keep it all split? It is all part of me and who I am. As an OG tumblr users I want to stay the way I have always been. Transparent and open here. I am not just a kink blogger or adult blogger. I am a human with very real thoughts and feelings outside of the kink catagory. Why not just be me here and now and in the moment?

I have currently been struggling mentally and emotionally with my health and all that comes with it. It still angers me to feel like a year and half ago I really felt like I had found that place in life where everything is calm and you just sit back and marvel at how far you have come and then suddenly without warning you walk out your front door and your entire would changes. Yes, angry is a familiar feeling as of late.

June 30th 2022 I had emergency surgery to have my cervical spine fused and bone grafts placed. This is due to me having a very narrow spinal canal and my spinal fluid and blood flow to my brain was cut off. At this time I also learned that I have Rheumatoid arthritis, Osteoarthritis along with Degenerative disc disease, SLE Lupus, Sjogrens Syndrom. there are a list of other things that go along with all this but I will spare you the long version. I went from being the rock of the family who never stops to being told not to even lift things. All of this will progress and blah blah...Because of it all I am feeling alone and lonely. There are days I feel like I am watching everyone I love live life and I am counting down the days or wondering how many decent days I will have left in me. I no longer know where I fit in the kink world. I still feel submissive but also most days I am so angry I don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore.. Nothing at all seems fair.. Eccentric Submissive

#dear diary #word vomit #random thoughts #this is me #welcome to my world #SLE Lupus #rheumatoid arthritis #osteoarthritis #sjogrens syndrome #degenerative disc disease #spinal stenosis #Chronic Illness #auto immune disease #spinal fusion

[marciliedonato]

Ever since I was a little girl I've always dreamed of doing fuck-all all day.... <3

#Be the unemployed friend on a Wednesday you want to see in the world ❤️🕊️😌 #wow anna said something #Anna's shitposts #welcome to the circus #Shitpost #On that one happy Wednesday or as I like to call it Thursday #Last day of internship I'm so done with these backstabbing shit talking bitches xoxo <3 <3 #Idk if someone's made this probably but anyway I said what I said #*one note my phone does like eating words lol

[m1d-45]

I DON'T THINK I WAS ANONYMOUS WHEN I SENT MY ASK FENDSFJCWASDGBNHRJSDFJSAFGBHFS But this is the person asking to be 🪷 anon 🥲 👍

anons original ask:

that’s quite alright ! don’t worry about it, it’s not a big deal.

also, hello and welcome! admittedly, you’ve chosen a rather poor time to pop up (of no fault of your own, of course, i’ve just been rather [vague buzz of negativity] and very inactive on tumblr) but i do still check my notifications regularly. if you have any ideas you’d like to chat about, please feel free to send an ask !

#m1d : [chats] #🪷 anon #i wish i had a better explanation for my mood other than ‘eugh’ but like. yeah that’s what’s going on right now #it’s so frustrating but. this is not the place for that. #hello lotus ! i hope you’re doing alright <3 #also ‘my community’ I HAVE ONE OF THOSE??? #no community just me and my silly iphone 11 and sarahreadsfics in my notifications #sarah if you’re reading this i read every one of your tags and they mean the world to me #if no one got me i know tumblr user sarahreadsfic got me yk /silly #sjsjajsd but seriously it’s just me and mushroom on discord #and even then i just shout about dottore in the yearning channels half the time #mushroom doesn’t even like work here he just watches me go insane with half baked ideas /aff #the only community i have is me and the tag limit on posts. we homies FOR REAL #i’ve gotten better about not hitting the limit as often but ya boy CANNOT be succinct about ANYTHING #ANYWAY WHAT WAS UP WITH THE 4.2 QUEST WAS THAT FUCKED UP OR WHAT #daily reminder that here in this house rhinedottir is NOT welcome and she can die by my cinnabar spindle. that i don’t have. mihoyo PLEASE #rhinedottir can die cry and writhe on the ashes of khaenriah i don’t care. albedo my beloved #christ i apparently have a lot of feelings about genshin (<- has written over 450k words about it) #anyway. um. yeag. #THIS IS ONLY THE 29TH TAG?? HOW MUCH DID I USE TO WRITE GODDAMN-

[thedeadthree]

-`. i need to be more unhinged about her so here is yana in this picrew. 🥀🌸<3💀

#oc: anasyana an enaviryn #leg.ocs #t: picrews #*holda her up* hiiiiiii my murderous murder muffin <3 #she’s a star elf! she’s an archfey warlock (tasha is her patron! she’s bhaals daughter! my dark urge! in love with one archduke !!!!) #fathers favorite daughter !!!!!!!! #i havent been as unhinged about her here so i bring her in this pic few i found while looking for pictures to intro my bg clowns 🌸💕 #ye olde creative brain has been making clowns and her aesthetics i need to make EDITS of dearie i need to teach myself how to make gifs !!!! #I WANT TO MAKE PRETTY GIFS FOR YANA !!!!! (and learn how to mod for the yanagortash brainworms 🥀🥴 *giggles*) #what do you mean there’s blood on her it’s just strawberry syrup 🥀😌✨🍓 #her house wished for a savior to see the return to their world that was lost to them and they got murder muffin 🌸💕✨😵‍💫🤭 #(also sliiiightly unrelated bc the archduke has the braincell i plan to ship him as well with a few other nondurge clowns <3) #(i will offer lore soon but i love castellan and vaermina having ships with him !!!!!! yanagortash you’ll always have my heart but they’re!) #aaaaanyway y’all are welcome to send asks of my baby girlie i will never not want to talk till the cows come home about her 🌸🥀✨😖 MY BABY!!!! #she’s not evil she’s never done a wrong thing in her life <3 #if yana and una were in the same verse they would be the best of friends i can feel it !!!!!! #she also has a thing with a*starion who i think’ll be ascended in her playthrough? they both should be allowed to be unhinged i think! #sarspira will get vampire pookie un ascended and will resist her urge <3 #OH and she is not the one in my icon that is my sweet girl tissaia <3 i am so so stoked to intro her as well!!!!!! #reading word on the street that the d*urge was created purely by b*haal adds a whole new LAYER to her house wishing for a child of #destiny to save their world they lost bc RAHH at the thought he though OO here’s my opportunity + then created her + they got their ‘savior’ #i think i read its in a note you find AND I HAVE TO FIND THAT NOTE 🥀😵‍💫✨ !!!!!! #like from his own viscera?? INCH RESTING for the lore for yana and what was meant for her VEERY #q #q: from the drafts

[lestatlioncunt]

i think the Thing that makes vhanya's tragedy so..tragic to me is her youth. but not in a 'omg dying young, she had so much to live :(' which is. well rip to her. but more like every single mistake she does is in a way..normal. like mistakes you do when you're a teen and are sooo dumb but make you learn and they shouldn't weight too much or more like. they shouldn't have you pay a too expensive price. while vhanya's mistakes aren't looked at with kindness, there's no Understanding. she walks around with her rage and tears like she's screaming "i'm still learning!! don't i deserve some kindness?" and instead of a "it's okay that you fucked up, we can fix this" it's mistakes that shape forever her future without any way to rewind and idk it gets me </3

#rena.txt #like does she fuck up? YEA. the betrayal and the mistakes that come from a first love and shit and stuff. like yea she takes.. questionable #choices and her behaviour isn't the best at times but lord doesn't she deserve a bit of understanding? she's angry and angry and ANGRY at #her mother that (in her opinion) looks down on her and doesn't love her and probably vhanya thinks ari considers her as her greatest #disappointment. and that's when the rage takes control and she screams and threatens and all of that shit but then sadness settles and #she's falling down and asking her mother to please forgive her. like SHE'S LEARNING SHE MAKES STUPID SHIT. WELL YEA WHO HASN'T DONE STUPID #SHIT AS A TEEN!! and then belonging. god she only ever wanted to belong somewhere but she always ended up being estranged? not a black not #a green not her mother's side not her family. she tries to find her place in a world where she feels like isn't made for her. which is why #when aemond dies </3 she's just like. i thought i found a place but to follow this idea i lost everything else and now that i lost that #Only one thing there's nothing else to live for. as if ari wouldnt welcome back her daughter after whatever stupid shit she would do GIRL!! #AND LIKE THE IDEA ITSELF that she convinced herself that was her Place finally. a first love. dumb and stupid the kind of probably doesn't #last but you remember it and she's like THAT'S EVERYTHING i will ever have in life and now that is gone it makes no sense to be alive. #there's only emptiness. brrr IDK I'M LOSING IT. SHE'S DUMB BUT ALSO SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO BE. ME @ ME: U CATCH MY DRIFT #in the words of my bestest bestie moravia who wrote about alienation in a way that spoke to me through my whole teen years: 'desire for #normality; a longing to adapt to some recognized and general rule; a wish to be like everyone else from the moment that being different #meant being guilty.' FUCKING DEAD ON THIS SUNDAY MORNING