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bruja1837 · 2 years

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Random Rant #1

((Flavor of the day: a base of “people enjoy many different things and it’s wonderful how unique people can be!” mixed with a bucket load of “it’s ok if your interests/range of knowledge isn’t that diverse because it’s YOUR life and YOU get to decide the comfort hyperfixation/special interest!” Since ADHD brain decided to put a bookmark on the original thought because it remembered a very specific bs extrovert opinion and decided that it must die by my blade.)) ((edit. Tagging led to what is essentially a second post about ADHD train of thought)) 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚 ❤️GO WILD! YOUR INTERESTS AND LIFESTYLES DONT NEED TO BE TRAPPED IN A SINGLE NICHE! don't get me wrong, If you got a hyperfixation or some kind of specific thing that brings you joy than power to ya! Im not saying you gotta branch out into things you aren't interested in to have "well rounded interests". trust me, I’ve been on the other end of that conversation plenty a times, and I STILL don’t give a fuck about learning about stuff that I’m not interested in so I can be the fucking circus clown and entertain strangers in conversation!

🧡 Counterpoint: if you wanna info dump to me about something you like I WILL LITERALLY TAKE NOTES AND LOVE YOU ALL THE MORE FOR IT! BECAUSE WHILE IT MAY NOT BE ON MY MIND, ITS CLEARLY SOMETHING THATS IMPORTANT TO YOU AND IM HONORED THAT YOU TRUST ME ENOUGH TO BE COMFORTABLE OPENING UP ABOUT YOURSELF!!! But the fact of the matter is, I’m not learning about recent trends for the sole purpose of making conversation with random people at the dollar store. Especially if I’m likely to never see them again.

💛This isn’t a jab at people who are “hip” and “with the times” btw, it’s just not my cup of tea, so it’s weird to learn stuff for a possible conversation that I’m unlikely to have since I’m an ambrivert and thus not the type to go out of my way and partake in small talk with people I don’t know. But if I DO make a friend who’s reliably up to date, I will absolutely use them for updates (this is a tribute to the time I had to ask “what the FUCK is a “poggers”???” )

🧡Helpful tip. if you wanna continue having a conversation with someone, and they talk about something you don’t know about, all you have to say is “interesting, tell me more” . YOU DONT NEED TO PLAY A BINGO GAME WITH A GOOGLE WHEEL OF FORTUNE! If you wanna START a conversation, #1 coming to me for advice was a horrible decision really, and #2 JUST GO WITH WHAT YOU KNOW! If you get a negative response (they mock you for not knowing stuff) DITCH THEY ASS! IT AINT WORTH IT! ❤️I'm just saying you should enjoy things that make you happy without worrying if it's imperfect! YOU CAN BE A JUMBLED MESS OF A BEING! YOU CAN BE SIMPLE AND STREAMLINED! YOU CAN BE THE TRAIN ON A FEW TRACKS CRASHING THROUGH EVERYTHING IN YOUR WAY! DECORATE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE WITH THAT ONE CONFORT INTEREST! HAVE EVERYTHING YOU OWN BE A CONTRADICTING MESS OF EVERYTHING YOUVE LOVED OVER THE YEARS! ITS YOUR LIFE AND YOU GET TO DECIDE WHERE YOU SOURCE YOUR SEROTONIN! PICK WHATEVER BRAND/FLAVOR OF SEROTONIN YOU LIKE! IGNORE STUPID ELITISTS WHO SAY YOU SHOULD PICK THE BRAND WITH LESS HAPPY CHEMICAL VALUE! ONLY CHOSE EXPENSIVE BRANDS (either literal money or metaphorical energy tax) IF YOU LIKE THE FLAVOR AND/OR COMES WITH GOOD INVESTMENT! JUST BECAUSE YOUR TIME HAS TICKED CLOSER TO THE END DAYS DOESNT MEAN YOU CANT KEEP RAKING IN SEROTONIN! PAINT THE WALLS LIKE SHERBERT ICECREAM! GET A PINK LEPORD PRINT COUCH! STARE DOWN THE IGNORANT FOOL JUDGING YOU IN THE TOY ISLE! KNOW THAT THEY HAVE GIVEN UP ON THEIR CHILDHOOD DREAMS AND WILL NEVER HAVE THE LEGO SET YOU FINALY HAVE!

#Idk how to do the thing where you can hyperlink parts of a post so you can skip directly to the next thought/click for more #so I used different emoji’s for different bookmarks of thought #welcome to the train of thought of a loving dumbass with ADHD #as you can see. The train does not suddenly appear at different stations #it merely has multiple interconnecting tracks #just because the train has changed tracks; that doesn’t mean the original track is lost #you just need to circle back to it. Unfortunately it’s easy to get lost. So it’s actually more like a subway #all the interconnecting rails on a stupidly confusing map makes it easy to get lost #so the next thing you know your sobbing in the passenger seat thinking “WHERE THE FUCK AM I???#I WAS SUPPOSED TO ARRIVE AT MY STOP 3 HOURS AGO!!!”#ADHD #inspiration #rant #rant post #infodumping #istg infodumping is my love language or smthin #interest #Now I’m discussing how to wisely spend serotonin finances? What happened to this post-#Bruja1837

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100-yardstare · 4 years

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3? Always love a good rant 😊

3. rant. just do it

Oh shit, you wanna let me go off? Prepare yourself!!! (Remember kids, Tumblr does not replace therapy!!)

This post will also be a good opportunity for me to update my followers on what the hell has happened to me over the last year. So as Mario would say... HERE WE GOOOO

Okay so most of y’all might already know this story, but it impacted me a lot and I still get angry about it. I graduated from university after a shitload of trials and setbacks due to my adhd among other things, but I managed to push through academia and graduate with a bachelor of science in psychology. With this I had plans to stay in my field, but I also was an absolute idiot and had no idea what I was doing when it came to choosing. I just kinda picked job adds that suited a psychology degree and that’s it. I was desperate to find a job, as all recent graduates are.

Fast forward a few months, I land an interview with an organization I would come to refer as “the hellscape”. It was an ABA clinic. I wish I knew what that was before I took the job, because what you read about from actual autistic adults and their trauma is 100% true, and I am FURIOUS practitioners and insurance companies even promote it. I later found out the CEO wasn’t even a therapist, let alone held a degree in psychology, behavioral studies, or WHATEVER and was actually a fucking tattoo artist who jumped on the ABA bandwagon for money, but that’s another story.

So I was a newbie right out of college with no prior experience working in this field, and they hire me. That should have been an instant red flag. Their “training” was less than a three month thing, and if you didn’t make it three months, or they didn’t like you... YOU GOT FIRED. Guess what happened to me?? I got fired!!

Why? At first I thought it was because I wasn’t a good learner. Years of being in college pumped the idea into my psyche that I was a dumbass because of my ADHD, so I thought I was just an idiot. I came home from this place actually having traumatic based ptsd breakdowns (the BAD kind) because not only was I exposing myself to my phobias (*ahem* vomiting) but I was being told to ABUSE KIDS!! I got fired because I didn’t want to do what they wanted me to do!!! I could go into all the details, but if you want to ask me in a private message you can. To put it simply it was HORRIBLE, and I cry to this day what ABA does to kids. I don’t even want to hear people say shit like “not all ABA” because not only do these places guilt trip you into getting your kid and taking your money, but what they are doing is literally causing kids to grow up with ptsd!!! If you tell me “but kailey, it’s scientifically based” I’d say fuck off and reply “it’s also scientifically been shown that kids who are put in ABA therapy are at HIGH RISK of developing ptsd, and being abuse victims!”

The spring of 2019 was understandingly the WORST experience of my life, and from my wisdom I implore any of you going to college, whose about to graduate, to deeply research not only the company you are applying for, but what they do. The only lesson I got out of working there was that “normal” people hate autistic kids, and in extension adhd kids. They hate people like me. We are things that need to be “fixed” because our stems, hyperfixations, special interests etc. are “weird”. Absolutely no job is worth your mental health, and morals.

After this I went on for the next year and a half looking for another fulltime job. I thought because I got fired I would never be able to make anything of myself. The rest of 2019 sent me into a bad depression, which I’m still struggling with. It wasn’t until December of 2019 that I got an interview with Girl Scouts. I worked as a grunt, 10 dollars an hour, part-time outreach worker for 8 months from there, going to middle and high schools to talk to girls not only about girl scouts, but the importance of sisterhood, acceptance, love, mental health, physical health, and much more. My boss ended up being the kindest woman I’ve ever met professionally, and when the pandemic happened, and the outreach staff got laid off, she sent my name up to HR, and I got promoted as a Volunteer Manager, who oversees over 4 communities in the southern-Houston area, consisting of over well over 800 troop leaders, and community leader volunteers. I make a decent salary, and am getting benefits soon.

I absolutely believe that I went through all that shit so my eyes would be opened, and not only could I be a better ADHD ally to autistic individuals, but use my desire to help people of all backgrounds into opportunities that could potentially change their lives for the good. I have only been working as a manager for GS since early June, but I feel welcomed, supported, and appreciated by my coworkers, boss, and director of Volunteer Experience. On top of it, they care about our health, and I’m working from home. I was given a laptop and everything!

Things do turn around. It might not be how you imagined, but it will turn out how you need.

Send me an unusual(ish) ask <3

#thanks for letting me rant!!!#ask #rant #kailey speaks

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littlejeanniebean · 4 years

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peter parker goes to marvel high (normal mcu au)

A/N: Peter’s first day of high school ft. Shuri, Mr. Stark, Mr. Loki, and co. ~1700 words teenaged angst then fluff. More Peter x Shuri in my masterlist :)

Heavily inspired by this post by @spellbounding-slytherin

I’m also a big fan of @tinymintywolf‘s art :))

- J xx

Fact: Peter Parker was a nervous wreck. May, ever the optimist, had patted his cheeks, kicked him out of the car, and told him to have a good day. Peter had never had a good first day of school. He was smart but had a severe attention deficit, so even his teachers never liked him. His one best friend throughout junior high, Ned Leeds, had moved to New Jersey, so he would probably end up eating alone in some empty classroom just to be safe. And he’d met the principal at orientation last Friday. He had an eye patch and a perpetual frown, used to head up the corrections department for youth offenders. So yeah, high school was going to suck big time.

“Move it, dickwad,” one of the larger boys shoved past him at the door to his homeroom.

Peter strategically chose a seat in the ambiguous, unnoticeable middle.

A short, bright-eyed girl marched up to him, “You’re in my seat.”

“Sorry! Sorry!” he tried to pick up his backpack but the strap was caught on the leg of his chair, so he just kind of ended up spilling himself over the floor.

“Crap, I was just messing with you, kid,” she helped him up, “You good?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” he just sort of stood there awkwardly, not meeting her eyes.

“Dude, you gotta stop apologizing. I’m sorry, okay?” she tried to get him to look at her, “I’m Shuri. I have a messed up sense of humour that scares away any friends I might’ve ended up having. Is it cool if I sit next to you?”

“Yeah, sure,” he nodded, “I’m Perker Pat - Parker Pete - Peter Parker.”

“Cool.”

“Dude, you are sad,” the boy who shoved him coming into the room twirled an expensive-looking pen, sparing him the most derisive of sideways glances.

Peter was saved from actually having to come up with a response when their teacher walked in two-minutes after the bell and put his feet up on his desk, “Okay, kiddies. My name is Mr. Stark, you may call me Mr. Stark. I am your homeroom teacher unless you’re in the wrong room. I also teach AP Math and Computer Science. If you have questions at this point, I honestly wonder how you got this far in life, but I’m obligated to ask.”

The room was silent.

“Great, do whatever until the bell rings, I guess.”

The class emptied out.

Peter hung back, “M-Mr. Stark?”

“Yes, Proton.”

“I-it’s Peter, actually.”

“I was talking about your t-shirt.”

“I - Oh, yeah,” he looked down at the “I’m positive” joke print, “um… I just wanted to let you know that I have ADHD, mostly the AD part a-and I don’t expect any special treatment or anything and I’ll work really hard, but I also wanted to join Mathletes and I wasn’t allowed in junior high because I’d always get sidetracked at the meets but I think I can do better now if you’ll give me the chance… butifnotthat’sokay.”

Mr. Stark appraised him, “First meeting is in this room at three.”

“Thank you, sir!” he smiled, but when his teacher didn’t smile back, he fixed his face and walked to his next period.

“I’m Mr. Banner, and there are three things you need to remember if you want to succeed in biochemistry. One: If you’re unsure but proceed without asking for clarification first, I will be angry. Two: If you show up to the lab without completing the prior work assigned, I will be angry. Three: If you do not share work between your lab partners equally, I will be angry. Don’t make me angry.”

“Wanna be lab partners?” Shuri asked.

“Sure,” Peter squeaked and cleared his throat.

“You’re not going to break a test tube on me, are you?”

He shook his head quickly.

“You’re a lot of work, Peter Parker, but it’s kind of adorable.”

“Um… thanks?”

“You’re welcome. Now hand me that pipette and fire up the spectrophotometer.”

The last period before lunch was P.E.

“I’m Coach Barton, that’s all you need to know. Let’s do a few warm up laps around the circuit.”

Peter ran hard and was close to fainting as he crossed the line in the middle of the pack.

“Woah, kid, you need to go to the nurse’s?” Coach singled him out.

He tried to say ‘no’ but no sound would come out, so he just shook his head, gasping. He could hear the other boys snickering beyond the pounding of his blood in his brain.

“I think you need to go to the nurse’s,” Coach beckoned to the boy who’d crossed the line first, “Flash, take him to the clinic, would ya?”

“Yes, sir,” the bully from his homeroom smirked at him.

As soon as they were out of the gym, he jostled and picked at the smaller boy only to exhibit the epitome of sympathy in front of Nurse Man-Ti.

“Here, drink some electrolytes,” she told him and he finished the small bottle in under a minute.

As soon as Flash was gone, Peter let himself just cry. He wished his aunt would just homeschool him, but it’s been hard since his uncle died and in the face of that, Peter felt bad for feeling bad about his little problems and that made him cry some more.

“Hey,” the nurse sat beside him quietly, “Peter, right?”

He nodded, “I’m sorry.”

“What for? Better out than in, that’s what I always say.”

Peter sniffed.

“Do you want to talk about it? Or make an appointment with Counsellor Barnes?”

“No, no, I’m fine. I just needed, uh… electrolytes,” he leaves quickly after that.

Peter goes to his locker for his bag and clothes, red eyes trained on the floor so that hopefully nobody notices. He doesn’t notice Shuri arguing with Flash, gesturing forcefully back at his locker. Flash sees him put in his combination and open the door, a cheshire grin spreading across his face.

“Peter!” Shuri tries to warn him, “Don’t -”

But it’s too late and he’s covered in silly string, a few old socks found decomposing in the gym lockers, and the contents of a bathroom trash can.

“I’m gonna go change,” he whispers to no one in particular.

“I’ll save you a place at lunch?” Shuri called after him.

Peter stops in his tracks to shoot her a grateful smile, “Thank you.”

Mr. Thor Odinson was a very loud history teacher, but it worked well for keeping Peter’s attention throughout the class, so he was able to answer all the review questions.

“Teacher’s pet,” Flash scoffed at the sound of the bell.

“Dumbass,” Shuri fake-coughed and pulled Peter to the auditorium.

“I’m Mr. Loki Odinson, you may call me Mr. Loki to distinguish between myself and my hard-of-hearing brother, Thor,” said their quieter drama teacher, “Thompson, if you kick Parker’s chair one more time, I will send you to Fury’s office with no note, no explanation. And he has a very specific way of dealing with those cases.”

Flash stopped and sat straighter.

“Good, Parker, you seem suitably nervous. Come up here and help me demonstrate a quick improvisation exercise.”

Peter tripped on his way down the aisle to the stage, but kept going.

“Now, you’re a superhero and I’m a supervillain. You’re trying to turn me over to the good side, but we can only converse alphabetically. So you must start with the letter ‘A’, I must start with the letter ‘B’ and so forth. Are you ready?”

“No.”

“Ah, ah, first rule of improv: the answer is always, ‘Yes, and…’ Let’s go, Parker. You’re brave. You’re bold. You’re a hero.”

“Alright, Mr. Villain, you have two choices,” Peter surprised himself at how his voice carried. It must be the way the auditorium was built, “perish, or join our fight.”

“Blech, I choose to perish,” Mr. Loki dropped to his knees, “C’mon Hero, end me if you have the guts at all.”

“Come on, you know you never wanted to watch the city burn to begin with. The hive possessed you, used you. Now, you have the chance to redeem yourself.”

“Don’t presume to know me because you can’t possibly. You don’t know what I’ve been through. What I’ve lost!”

“Everything,” Peter said quietly, “Everyone you ever cared for. I do know… because so have I. We’re not so different.”

“Fighting the hive is a losing proposition. You have nothing that could work against them!”

“Gas. Even a million eyes are no good in a fog.”

“Huh… I never thought of that. I’ll join your fight, Hero if you’ll let me,” Mr. Loki proffered his “bound” wrists.

“I knew there was some good left in you, Mr. Villain,” Peter “unlocked” the “restraints.”

Mr. Loki mimed holding a knife to Peter’s neck, “Just not that much, I’m afraid. Hive Mother! I’ve got him! I’ve got the hero! Now release my family from the void as you promised!”

Peter wracked his brain from the next letter. The plot twist didn’t help him think either. “... Krap with a ‘k’?”

Mr. Loki broke character and laughed before clapping and shaking his student’s hand, “That was the most interesting improv demonstration I’ve had in awhile, Parker. You’re a natural. Now everyone pair off and try to top that performance if you can!”

English with Mr. Rogers was the last period of the day. He didn’t look up from his book until everyone was seated, silent, and had their eyes up front. It took a crazy long time and a good deal of organization and yelling on Shuri’s part.

“Sorry, guys, I was reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!” he joked.

Peter was the only one who laughed.

After giving a bit of a lecture on respect for their instructors, valuing their education, and how much they were going to love English this year, he let them go early.

“Okay, I’m calling you three Alvin, Simon, and Theodore from now on,” Mr. Stark addressed his small Mathlete gathering, “Our new mascot is a chipmunk, I don’t care that all our other teams are Rocket Raccoons.”

“Which one of us is Alvin?” Shuri asked.

“Since you asked, you are. Fancy-Pen is Simon and Proton is Theodore. Now, we have a competition to prepare for in… ages from now, so… drill, I guess? I don’t know. Who wants to do Euclidean algorithms?”

Three hands went up.

“Nice,” he brought out his expensive Japanese chalk, a gift from his wife, the well-known Fortune 500 CEO, Pepper Potts.

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