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ashesbreadandbutter · 1 day

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Vox x Alastor || Tell Me Who Did This, Now.

So I know I know, commission work yes yes I'm getting to it BUT! I wrote a little blurb for that little comic @milariro drew for radiostatic which is literally like my favorite ship I think. 👀

Anyway hope y'all like it! ÙwÚ

Word Count: 2k

Rating: PG(?), maybe PG-13. Mostly angsty ish feel?

It isn't the first time he's lost track of him somewhere but every time it happens Alastor hopes it's the last.

He hasn't seen Vox in days and considering how close they are… it's strange, worrisome.

Vox usually keeps up with him, taking the time to send messages and letters and pop up at the most sudden of times and Alastor always responds. Life in hell has been growing on the two of them, Vox has been so excited recently… so eager to announce that he had a dream, one where he could publicize the two of them, where they could happily pursue their goals… together and Alastor both loved… and despised the very idea.

Really he himself is fine with his little following; those few sinners, Vox included, who seemed to always tune in but he'd be a liar if he told himself that he didn't see this …new behavior that seemed to jump out of his friend. Vox was a big dreamer, they had spent many long hours talking to each other, laughing and joking while also spewing their deepest hopes and dreams…well usually it was Vox who did so while Alastor listened and encouraged him but he couldn't help but want to stop the other at the same time.

To tell him that he didn't need to go out there and get big and famous or whatever because Alastor likes the way Vox already is but his friend, his silly friend had his hopes for their pitiful, shameful lives down here so who would Alastor really be to stop him?

To put it lightly, Alastor is anxious over the other demon who was still just hardly taller than Alastor's own shoulder. He's worried that something might have happened to his friend considering how long he's been missing now. After all, Alastor had noticed the way they seemed to draw more attention these days when they were out together… the sneaky glances and judging gazes the other sinners would give them.

Alastor doesn't care, couldn't care less especially considering how easy most demons are to get rid of but… Vox had seemed to grow rather conscious of his presence outside because of it all.

There's been times where he's even mentioned it, brought it up when it was just him and Alastor together.. Alastor could never forget it, the first time it was ever brought up… the way that Vox seemed to look over his shoulder and double check locks and doors with the excuse of making sure they were ‘safe’.

It angers Alastor.

Annoys him so bad to the point that he'd kill them, split their skulls and the ground they walked and before Vox’s very own feet but… for some reason whenever Alastor gets to that point… the point of nearly no return, Vox will lightly brush his hand against his own and while that kind, warm smile and tell Alastor that it was okay.

That they didn't matter.

That he didn't care.

And so on and so forth.

Alastor moves through the room now, annoyance dripping into the air around him as he seems to get ready to go somewhere… to go look for him because after everything they've been through so far he could admit that he didn't… like it when he couldn't keep tabs on Vox. When they weren't together so Alastor could defend him if needed. When he couldn't hover around Vox like a hawk threatening to peck out anyone's eyes who dared to even spill a drop of liquor on his shoes. He's smiling but he's anything but happy as he gets dressed to go out and hunt down Vox himself..

It's not until he's all ready, a clawed hand reaching out to his front door when his ears suddenly perk as the sound of knocking from the other side fills the room.

Alastor freezes for a moment, his mind simply going blank in that very moment except for the thought of Vox that lingered and as he shifted gears and continued to reach out and turn the door before another knock could be heard, Alastor found himself faced with Vox.

Immediately there's a surge of electricity that rushes through his body at being faced with his friend.

He's relieved, for starters, just seeing him but then that turns into confusion, then slowly into unbridled rage when he takes in the sight of the other more closely.

“Al..” Vox chuckles softly, that little chuckle that Alastor had grown rather fond of over their time of knowing each other even in those moments when he did it after telling some stupid joke or when it happened when they seemed to press close to each other in the moments when they could. He usually loves hearing it but this time he does not.

Especially because it's glitchy, corrupted from what he can see.

Not while Vox stands before him looking like a stray, beaten dog who practically limped its way back to its owner.

“I know I'm later than I said I'd be but hey, I'm here now yeah?” Vox starts off, or at least attempts to through riggidy default settings and his scratchy voice box though Alastor seems to understand him anyway.

He doesn't want to though.

He doesn't want to be faced by him when he's like this and all Alastor manages to do is let out a glitchy sound himself though unlike Vox he's not tired or worn, he's energized, livid.

His eyes move over Vox's form; looking at his heavily dirtied and wrinkled shirt that seemed to be missing a few buttons then they look at the way Vox seems to cradle one of his arms and of course Alastor takes in his screen which seemed shattered, clearly punched in.

Rightfully so, Vox seems to grow self conscious as the way Alastor hasn't responded yet. He knew that appearing like this at such a late hour would be one thing for the man but it's so strange to see Alastor so… serious. Vox laughs a little, lowering his gaze as if shy, unwilling to show his face as he slowly looks down to his shoes.

A moment of silence washes over them and Vox can't help but rub his already sore arm.

Maybe he shouldn't have come after all? Perhaps Alastor was even angry with him for doing so after already being hours late… Vox knew he shouldn't have come, should have just dealt with this on his own like he preferred to do so but they both knew Alastor would have come looking for him if he hadn't shown up because that's just who Alastor was when it came to Vox.

His rushing thoughts come in bundles, so much so that the silence becomes deafening and Vox can't help the way his body wants to just naturally step back and walk away as if he never came to begin with, and maybe that was for the best? He hates bothering Alastor, hated not being strong enough to always hold his ground or to scare others away like Alastor so easily seemed to do and maybe it makes him feel inferior, unworthy of being with the other man which always makes his heart ache when he comes down to such a conclusion. He has so many dreams for them but at times much like these ones he wondered if he was just getting reality messed up with said dreams.

It's not until a finger slips under his screen and lifts it to make Vox's gaze focus on Alastor's once more but this time… Vox seemed to freeze at what he saw on the other's face, his functioning eye growing wider at the scene as he finds himself suddenly holding his breath.

He's distorted, glitching and reversing, sigils forming in the air behind him as his eyes look into Vox's. His neck twisted over to the side and eyes big, red, and ticking in a way that makes it seem that Alastor is just barely clinging to patience… like he could burst at any moment in a fit of claws and teeth and as Vox stares up at him, shocked, he can feel shivers run up his back as Alastor continues to hold his head in place. He's gentle but firm, refusing to let this go which was something Vox would also say to him..

To just forget it and move on but no, nonono.

Alastor refused not to be pissed and as far as he knew, he had worked to do..

People to punish, bitches to burn.

“Who… Did this.. to you?” He says and with the way the room seems to shake it's clear that Alastor is not in fact asking but instead demanding to know. Vox can feel the bloodlust leaking off of the other demon, the fury he carries and Vox was sure that if he was anyone else in hell in that very moment that Alastor probably…wouldn't have hesitated to spill his blood and the ground he stood on.

Vox recognized the look, his eyes slowly lowering again now while Alastor shifts his hand to caress the side of Vox's face, running his thumb over the undamaged side and though it's a kind gesture Vox can feel the way Alastor's hand seems to lightly shake.

Vox makes a soft sound, something that he didn't make often and closes the gap between the two of them, wrapping his arms around Alastor and clinging to him and at first the taller of the two freezes at the reaction before slowly but surely… calming, at least as much as he could right now.

It takes a moment for Alastor to immediately respond but Vox doesn't mind, not when he can feel how warm Alastor was and smell his scent so closely and after everything it seems to take some pressure off the TV demon. When Alastor does hug him back his hold is a bit firmer, a bit tighter, like he may get upset if Vox dares to pull away from him now.

“Alastor, please…” Vox sighs softly, brokenly and though Vox's voice box is fucked Alastor still makes out those words and the gentle way Vox seems to speak to him.

“Please just…just leave it.” He says next, moving to bury his head in Alastor's chest and stepping in closer only to tumble forward onto a knee making Alastor jolt and quickly grip him closer before he finds himself in both of them. “Please let it go… I'll be okay, I'll recover. I always do don't I?” he says, practically begging the other man and Alastor feels his face twitch and he's never before more angry at his own curse for not being able to show just how upset he is right now. Yes of course he was sure Vox would be okay but he despised the idea of the other growing used to being treated this way by others...

“I'll be okay see?” Vox tries to convince the other or maybe… he's trying to convince himself now as he lifts his head and gives Alastor that silly, stupid smile again and it both annoys the deer demon but also convinces him enough to not leave right now and go hunt down however did this for there was all the time in the world to do such later.

Vox had come to him at this time for a reason and even if the reason was simply because Vox had no one else Alastor didn't care. He'd help him just like he always did… and so with a huff Alastor looks down to Vox with that everlasting smile though it does seem strained.

“Come inside… I'll take care of you.” He says and though Vox still feels guilty for showing up and possibly ruining Alastor's day with his appearance he also feels… grateful knowing Alastor was there just like he always was. So Vox gives in, sighing and nodding softly, gathering himself and getting to his feet and as Alastor holds the door wide open for him he trails in before the door closes back and snaps shut behind the two of them now allowing them to be alone together, where they were always guaranteed safety from the hellish world around them.

Where Alastor could continue to keep a close eye on him for just a while longer.

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arthur-r · 2 years

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i ran out of storage while drawing this so i had to add the white parts in markup and call the rest of it good but this is “self portrait with future beard and pending scar” and i drew it after surgery this morning

#the outfit is stuff i have in real life and so is the scar except it’s not a scar yet it’s a wound #that’s what my mom keeps on telling me when i say wow this is such a cool scar #which is what i say to not terrify myself about how i might always have this scar #anyway if i had still been in ibispaint for the end of this i would’ve added some bright light behind me #because that’s what i was planning on but then i ran out of storage #anyway hi i did the surgery this morning and it went good the IV hurt and the anesthesia was scary but everything else was good #anyway i was gonna fix the shape when i was still in ibispaint but i would need 250 megabytes of storage and i don’t have it :(#so markup is all i have now shdhdf i can’t erase i can only draw on top #which is mostly how i draw anyway but still #anyway the surgery to make my face look regular again all the way would cost money and not insurance at all #so unless it heals really good on it’s own i might look like this forever #so i started thinking about forever and i reassured myself by adding a beard to the picture. and so. that’s why i drew this shdhdf #anyway i missed my dynamic brush and this was my first time using it in a lot of months and i had missed it shdhdf #idk if this is like. good. to people who aren’t on anesthesia. i will have to find out in the morning #but i wanted to break to you guys that it might never go away. but i did that by drawing instead of a picture #because i get nervous on the internet and especially today #and anyway i hope i still like this in the morning but mostly the point before is i have a scar there now #cause that’s what i had to get to not have a tumor there now. and so it’s better and it’s okay but also makes me nervous #but i’m gonna grow up and it will still be okay and this is scary but the worst dangerous part is over #and this is just maybe what i look like right now and maybe it will heal. but i will just have to find out #me. my post. mine.#my art #delete later

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whereismyhat5678 · 4 months

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I had a clear vision with this one.

I did NOT need to spend that much time on this BUT DAMN IT IT’S FUNNY-

Context: Peppino was annoying the fuck outta’ him and it got so bad he wanted to take him home.

He was done with his bullshit- 💀

#Pizza Tower #TW: Alcohol #I’m a LITTLE upset that the last panel only came out….okay #I don’t like how it looks- I COULD DO BETTER #But that was my third attempt at drawing it so I got tired AND I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP- 😭#But it’s okay. It’s not GREAT but it’s okay and I’d rather have it look okay than bad-#Anyways the idea of Peppino annoying the absolute FUCK out of Gustavo while drunk is too funny #I tested it today and yeah he snapped at me-#It was mostly cuz I was doing stupid shit and he couldn’t control me 😂#And then he drove me back home which was nice- and still funny #Gotta mention how much I love drawing Gustavo mad-#He’s an absolute sweetheart but I’m telling you- bend the straw too much you might just break it.#And he had a migraine so I made it worse- 💀#I love C.AI bro it’s a masterpiece ✨✨#Took me a bit but I had fun. And I like the first two panels they looks great #Peppino #Gustavo #Drunk #Art

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avoidmint · 2 months

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Redemption didn't cure his bully tendencies.

Don't worry he didn't leave him to drown. There's witnesses.

#sonic forces #sonic au #gadget the wolf #infinite the jackal #sonic fanart #sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #Tails and Gadget are ocean fun time buddies and-- come to think of it does the ocean still exist in Forces? I dunno #screenshots show desolate city stuff mostly but yknow what it exists in this AU #well I mean of course it exists but I mean as like a... like a place that is just somewhere you can go and-- no one cares Mint #anyways have a bastard and his forcibly found family #Fun fact also no matter how I draw Sonic he always looks wrong and I have just accepted he will never look right #Shadow looks fine most of the time which just makes it a whole Frustrating Thing but yknow what it's Fine #minturts

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svampira · 21 days

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normalest friend group

#wrong they all hate each other #except for elias only eden hates him rightfully so #he got his bestie dante exhiled anyways thats for when i design kat which might be never back to the line up #brooke looks so cute shes eliciting a omg puppy response from me. never slimming her face down again her cheeeks #the more adorable they look the eviller they are. in order brooke elias diamila eden #diamila will stab you in the back for fun and she probably has the highest vampire bodycount in the us BUT she doesnt kill humans #so that basically makes her a good person #elias and brooke would literally kill a kid the only difference is elias would only do it if he was pissed brooklyn would do it for fun😭#shes so cute #wip #ill draw a full body line up later shivers #elias and brooke are the only ones where same face syndrome kicked in but i dont mind that much there is literally no way theyd get mixed u #wait let me go back on what i didnt mention #eden is off the evil scale hes a relatively good guy.... by kindred standards tho hes still a hypocrite kind of nines style but worse #he did the most to become baron and rallies the anarchs into going to war w the camarilla basically but he cant stomach violence #back to how much they all hate each other diamila and eden used to be friends but she did her usual backstabbing when chose the vt m b #camarilla ending diamila hates brooke and brooke just dislikes her but has no reason to hate her and eden and brooke hate love each other #mostly hate by 2021 honestly #his bestie wasnt named dante i meant it dante exhiled. you know

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todayisafridaynight · 11 days

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I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh

hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]

i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..

#snap chats #//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes #might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me 🧍‍♂️#@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ...#there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams//#recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking #he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ #oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever #first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway #aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO #though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role #daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot #yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does #if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh #and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing #theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line #masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together #if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack #but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral #im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 ....#and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like #'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)'#and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal #they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway.#tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together #like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons 💀💀💀💀#one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid #so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny.#and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/

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sysig · 8 months

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Psyche, she was meant to be weird this whole time (Patreon)

2018 “Cure” like: Lol you thought

It really is hard to translate her design to paper! Even just trying to get her body type down and decided on was tough - is she a bean? Not exactly, but she’s not hourglass either, or exactly chubby or round, but not just a rectangle?? I don’t know how to describe her, and that’s completely discounting her face. I do remember that she’s both very short (a little bigger than your average teddy bear but not by much, so around 2′6″?? Maybe??) but also rather wide so her proportions are all weird

The original look at her wide eyelash concept - still not sure :0 I imagine they’d be brightly coloured as well, probably hot pink or maybe a gradient of colours. She’s definitely meant to have some elements of eyestrain in her design

#Doodles #Original #Vaguely offputting if you prefer #It really is mostly the eyes #There's still not just one eye design I can settle on and be like ''Yup that's completely accurate''#I think it's just another one of those things that's gonna have to be ever-changing #At least that'd make her easy to draw in one sense haha - there's no real way to be completely accurate #So that means plenty of things are all equally inaccurate and valid lol #She'd probably have obnoxiously layered sparkles and shine-shapes and colours - Blingee sparkles as a base haha #Anyway - she does /actually/ have some trueisms of her designs:#Cure isn't her real name - 'cause she doesn't have one lol - and she's regularly very smiley and non-blushy #Which is a real shame for me 'cause y'all know how much I love drawing blush marks but she just doesn't!#She's meant to be just a little off-kilter - not in a danger way just a little freaky lol #Her character feels hard to describe lol - it's like agreed-upon antagonism? She's playing the villain and loving it #But she's also only playing the villain as much as anyone playing against her wants her to - she's only as strong an opponent as desired #So in a literal sense she's unbeatable but she only wants to play lol - once it's no longer fun she turns it off and steps back #She still likes being off-putting in a harmless way but her goal is never to hurt just to toy - I mean she literally is one lol #So yeah she's a weird one #Maybe someday I can put exactly what's been in my head all this time down to reality haha - doubt it! But I can keep trying :)

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stealingpotatoes · 1 year

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happy end of year!!!!

aaand with a grand total of over 800 arts! yes! that’s right! i think there is something wrong with me!

nonetheless thank you guys so much for supporting n following me this year!!!! see you in 2023!

#end of year art summary #the issue w having multiple styles is theres no way to track progress bc every month your fave’s in a diff style #incredible how many of my fave arts of each month are pathologic considering how little i draw patho #did abt 200 more arts than last year and honestly that’s mostly thanks to july #during which i went insane and shat out 144 arts #I DIDNT EVEN DRAW EVERY DAY OF JULY #LIKE WTF #artfight’s fault #you might think i mention july a lot but i need you to get how flabbergasted i am by it still #anyway happy new year!!!!#art summary #summary of art

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upsidedowngrass · 11 months

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If Objects live with humans side-by-side in an AU, the objects would be small in pet size like dogs and cats.

hmmm, maybe!!!! tho actually ?? i LOOOVE the idea of them being human sized! the characters canonically have heights listed in ft, and TECHNICALLY this could just be like.... irl units scaled down, BUT i think its rly fun to interpret it fairly literally!! ESP given that liam and bryce DO end up standing near humans at two points and seem to be around the same height! IDK... theres just smth so cool to me about imagining objects just hanging out. that you could be at eye level w them. its almost unsettling but not enough for it to be noticable!!!! its kinda like theyre Large Beasts, but almost SHOCKINGLY human!!!!! like they could believably just. live in the same house as a human with near minimal adjustments. like having an alien living w u. that may just be my general interest in alien/creature/whatever design, but i just RLY enjoy them being similar to humans in small ways, but different in more SUBTLE but arguably MORE extreme ways if that makes ANY sense!!!!

NOT to say i dont like when theyre drawn closer to the size of dogs or cats (itd be a little silly for me to spend so much time on that recent piece if i did!)! i think itd be a bit MORE of an au than just them just being human height, but i DO think it could be SUPER cute. i tend to Generally lean on less on those sorts of ideas but it certainly would be VERY fun!!!!

#ask #also i think its funny that most objects are realistically taller than me #im 5'1 man. its REALLY funny that the majority of objects in one i would have to look up at #but that is ofc NOT the only reason. but itd be so cool to meet a human sized Living Object irl #i wanna be their PEER yknow?? like i wanna hang out w them rather than them just be Cute if that makes sense #an object being the size of a cat (making some objects probably around the size of like. a soccer ball) is CUTE #but i think its super cool if theyre like People #(though this may have to do w my near life-long desire to be close friends with an alien robot or monster of some sort #which has mostly to do with my autism special interest in inhuman creatures )#tho i am NOT opposed to things still being cute :)#or drawing things that deviate from my own hcs/interpretations when its fun #anyway i hope this response isnt rude!!!!! your idea is very fun i just have a diff interpretation of how #a 'humans live side-by-side with objects' au would work!!!#have a nice day anon :)

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snekdood · 4 months

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me, on the one hand: its weird to gatekeep people identifying with characters just bc they don't share their same race

also me, upon watching a video of someone wanting the saiyans to be in ssj form 24/7: you just want them to be blonde with blue eyes all the time bc you're mad that otherwise you can't project on to them since they're likely asian 🙄

#ig these aren't mutually exclusive stances but still #in fact if anything it bolsters my former stance bc why tf cant you just identify with them as they are #anyways ive been holding this back bc of whiney people on here but yes i kin with bruno from encanto and theres nothing you can do #to stop me.#if i relate to him in every other way ASIDE from being fuckin colombian then thats a very stupid and arbitrary line to draw im sorry and #i also dont care about your weird gatekeeping #its almost like familial abuse isnt restricted to ones race and also race is fake but anyways #fuck your weird ''white' people cant imprint on these characters' shit like. you're literally trying to stop ppl from seeing themselves #in other races. how tf do you think thats beneficial to stopping racism like AT ALL?#me when i hate when 'white' ppl put themselves in my shoes and try to empathize with me #me when i reinforce the racial binary and act like its real and not made up by white supremacists and pretend im not contributing #to white supremacists' delusion that race is real #theres literally a woman who would conventionally be recognized as white in the movie but ig gingers cant imprint on her at all or w/e #bc they dont speak spanish or something idk. is it about skin tones? bc babe give me a couple of days on the beach and ill look like bruno #dsjhfsvdhjvgfhdsvhgdf #and no i dont believe you if you try to say that the abuse he faced was somehow unique to colombian culture or something.#if anything that kinda abuse was prolly passed down from europeans who colonized the lands so i have even MORE of a reason #to feel like i can identify w it since im mostly of 'european' decent ._.#at least as far as ik.#('european' is in quotation marks bc its a place w a lot of different types of people some of which aren't recognized as white by #some white supremacists even and idk what im mixed with so)

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 months

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relevant twitter meme wins wahooo

#mostly relevant if you're doing visual art & then a handful of these are fairly digital specific. which is mostly what i do so here we are #giving it a Kinda / Sometimes / Sure; Enough with the slightly smaller stars here. aptly done w/a trackpad lol #''desk''#by now fortunately Usually remember to intermittently save. by ''remember'' it's more having adopted a half reflexive ctrl s during pauses #meanwhile i've found it convenient to the drawing process itself to flip the canvas horizontally plenty so i don't forget to do that #if anything sometimes i end up working on things Flipped for so long that i permanently flip the whole canvas lol got used to it like that #meanwhile not really hard on myself also fortunately but still Nonzero; aren't we all always; even if successfully swatting it aside so #honorarily....also thank fuck i don't [forgets own art style] As Much b/c lord that's annoying #definitely diminishes as you're honing / getting in experience anyways like ofc you become more familiar w/your own style & make it more #of what you like / want it to be anyways + familiarity with how you are actually executing that lol #little a friday night fun wahoo!! not drawing now but i was last night...will i lie to myself & try to do smthng ''quick'' later? perhaps #i ought to Actually be using references more but all the small individual processes of the process of obtaining them thwarts me #like creating a desktop shortcut for my writing [then] wip to cut down on the processes in like [file explorer; search; open]

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data #which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done #for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior #so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip.#also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a #collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things.#and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more #devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close #bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the #country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will #instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a #different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad #a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi #intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see #them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize #the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b #doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped #that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying #less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating #unrelated

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raeygina-george · 9 months

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Tumblr is so mean to me

#raey spam #something something watching the site fucking destroy itself #it's straight up just Not showing one of my mutual's posts on the dashboard despite us being! mutuals!#then the gross ass twitter layout #the userbase shifting almost entirely to liking instead of reblogging #random ass people finding random ass reblogs of mine #like go reblog from op or people you actually follow 😭😭😭😭😭 how the fuck did you even find that 😭😭😭😭😭#and. tumblr live #don't get me wrong i still love tumblr but. :(#im mostly just confused at why it's not showing my mutual's posts #they can't see my posts andi can't see theirs and it doesn't make any sense #only reason i could possibly think of is because i blocked them on accident like a month ago but i dont? get why that would make this happen #anyways omori magical girl update i have run into a roadblock #which is that i am struggling to write the story #and that means i can't make any art for it bc i quite frankly have no idea what the fuck kind of worldbuilding there is #atp i think i might just drop the story part & just draw some fun stuff #then maybe i can come back to the story later if i feel like it #bc this wasn't intended to be a fullblown novel it was just. hehe magical girls

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lunarharp · 2 years

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a random draft where i was ramblingg about witch hat & art to myself for myself :)

rare time i feel like actually going off about the thing i’m having fun with right now in more detail ... but not on twt where strangers might try to discuss back at me lol sorry but that is scary. (not that you even have the room to soliloquy on there)

i love how there's characters for varying types of artists to relate to. people like agott who have been adept at drawing from a young age but feel overwhelmed by feelings of not meeting their expectations. and are driven mostly by feelings of wanting to prove their worth..

people like oru who have always been around the art but now are burnt out from commissions and wondering just what they're drawing for... and ones i relate to the most personally like coco and qifrey, who started drawing at an older age to the skilled people around them. like coco i'm so happy that i'm in the world of drawing(/magic) now and excited every day but also weighed down by fears that i'll never get to what i where i need to be after starting at this late stage and also whether i'm really cut out for this....

and like qifrey i only started drawing after a narrow escape from trauma... i started drawing to make sense of what my life is now, just as he was invited by beldaruit to become a witch because it was the only safe path he could take. (although i've not been through anything quite like what he's been through... ouagh)

and there’s tetia who just wants to draw to make other people feel happy about what she’s made, to have fun, and spread hope and happiness and gratitude. who feels so happy whenever someone thanks her for what she’s created - i understand now how it feels to want to thank them for thanking her and how making art, when you get a meaningful response, can be a truly warm communal type experience. but you do need that response - her overwhelming happiness when the dragon thing was happy and she said it was the first time she’d ever felt fully appreciated for her magic and it made her soooo happy. she had been drawing until then, but it was the last puzzle in place to make her realise the breadth of what magic can be for her.

and riche who is determined to not lose the “her”-ness from her art, doesn’t want to learn new techniques and become more regular and orthodox in style if it means she feels she’s losing something... i get that!!! precious autistic-coded child... the ways we feel about our art differ depending on our own mental landscapes. hahhhh... shirahama said she began this series because she was having a conversation with artist friends about how it feels like drawing just really is magic. i mean..... it is.

i think writing feels like magic too, and i’m glad i can do both now. any creation is total magic. i’ve drawn scenes that were in my head and that’s let other people see them and if i can trust their comments about it, has moved them in some way or at least let them imagine a scene or a situation that they wouldn’t have imagined otherwise. but it’s different from just telling someone about it. when you draw something, or write something it really exists now - outside of you. THAT’S SO WEIRD.

i liked drawing a lot of takarazuka things (before i realised i got kind of burnt out drawing all this transcore stuff that people were not exactly responding to because it’s so niche and weird lmao) but drawing fanart for something that also ONLY exists in art is so special. it’s not acted by real people. like.. they’re just little people that someone drew and now i draw them too. total magic. and she gets up and draws them every day the same as me...

i love that a manga isn’t just art, it’s storytelling too. doing both writing and drawing at the same time - it feels like such a perfect and fascinating combination of skills and facets of creation. i’m better at writing than drawing, so i don’t feel like i can express my original stories well enough in comic form just yet. but i might just get there.

the world is so confusing and overwhelming and terrible every day. only creation is something i can understand. sometimes i can’t understand it - when i feel REALLY bad, it’s definitely like, what’s the point. and i wish i had more things to experience at present than just creation - i want to be outside and just feel and be as well as create. and at some point i’ll definitely stop posting my creations online. but creating has become something that i don’t need to understand the reason for it - so at those times when i wonder what the real point to any of this is.... lately, i usually still create anyway. just as you’d still breathe and sleep even though you’re hurt and confused by the horrors of the world. it’s becoming how i express myself. i find myself drawing pretty much every day because it’s part of how i make sense of shit now and i naturally want to do it. not doing it is painful.

i hope this magic continues. i hope it becomes far more wonderful than i can even imagine from here.

and i won't lose.

#things really are different if you start drawing in your mid/late 20s or onwards.#you haven't developed your idea of yourself as an 'artist' at the time your brain was developing your identity.#but reading something that is basically saying- it's not too late and you have your own magic that only youan do... is so heartening.#also the manga is very gay. it's not THAT shockingly original and fascinating a story- but like...#i just don't know many ongoing fun series with interesting lovable characters where there are also major representations #for disability race queerness etc.#esp if tetia is trans. shirahama-sensei you can tell me...#MOSTLY IM LOSING MY MIND AT WHERE THE SERIES IS GOING LIKE I AM SCARED. my theories are dark and i fear for qifrey SOMEONE HELP HIMMM..#ONCE AGAIN LET SOMEONE HLEP YOU YOU QUESTIONABLE AND TRAGIC GAY LITTLE SKIRT MAN #i hate that i had to just let my fic be so short. I CANT WRITE ANY MORE RIGHT NOW...i would have to make up so much plot stuff #bc orufrey CANNT happen they cant freaking KISS until so much is sorted out between them which requires the plot moving forward and..#AUGHHH !!!! sensei please just tell me what happens please please please please please please please please please #the next chapter looks hella plot-ful but STILL..it's going to take YEARS..i just want to know if qifrey IS GOING TO SURVIVE THIS SHIT !!!!#if the brimhats [redacted] then he'll [redacted] and THEN WHAT IF [redacted] has to [redacted] I FEEL LIKE SENSEI'LL DO THAT !!! SCARED #SURELLLY she'll have [redacted] have to [redacted] but i dont think shed go as far as [redacted] ??????#i plan to go to japan next year if possible anyway but what if it's too early for an anime-fuelled merch section in animate. please #this is like the first new and non-zuka thing i've been hyperfixated on for years. i need official qifrey and oru items. I need the items #once again i feel weird putting my personal feelings and theories on the internet to an audience of nobody but once again we will die.#am i going to be on my deathbed thinking 'oh i shouldn't have happily gone off about witch hat on tumblr that time how embarrassing' no.#do you know how worthwhile it is to enjoy something. and to basically avoid other fanworks for the most part so you're just surrounded #by your own pure and enjoyable feelings.#i actually went to a local queer art place yesterday and like. man i was very different to them but #there are people somewhat like me out there huh. somewhere. i'm going to make zines and art and express my world. even if just a bit.#literally why would you priv reblog something like this i think there is something wrong with you? i feel better about myself now #i will find the ones like me not the ones like you <3

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