before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.
you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"
and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.
it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.
you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.
in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.
the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.
you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.
after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.
the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.
you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.
2K notes
·
View notes
“I wanna make art, but idk what people want to see from me—“ *GRABS YOU*
Do whatever you want. You have an idea? You plagued by visions? You got a special interest? You got daydreams about a oneshot you wanna write? Do it.
“But how will I know what gets attention?” YOU WONT. THAT’S THE DEVIL TALKING. Say ‘fuck it’ and make whatever. I make art cuz ideas fill my brain & if I don’t see ‘em with my eyes I’ll DIE.
Make stuff cuz YOU wanna see it. If other people’s eyes see it that’s cool too.
10K notes
·
View notes
So when Aziraphale and Crowley switch and they get ice creams, Crowley ends up with a vanilla cone with a flake and Aziraphale gets a red popsicle(I don’t know what it’s called in other places sorry). Why?
I would like to propose that it doesn’t matter who gets what, because Aziraphale orders both. Crowley gets whatever Aziraphale wants, because he’s going to give it to him anyway. In the book, there’s a similar situation with Angels food cake. Crowley orders it then eats a bite and gives it to Aziraphale. If both of the ice creams are for Aziraphale, then he mostly gave Crowley the vanilla cone w/ a flake for aesthetics
523 notes
·
View notes
The Second Flautist remains the stupidest but also funniest adaptation choice. Su Minshan, heretofore portrayed as a cringefail loser who needed Wangxian and Wen Ning to save his ass from the Waterborne Abyss, overrides Wei Wuxian’s demonic cultivation abilities TWICE. Not only does he seize control of Wen Ning, but he manipulates the resentment summoned by Wei Wuxian to attack people and turn them into puppets at Nightless City SO EFFECTIVELY that Wei Wuxian cannot regain control of them even on an individual basis with the Yin Tiger Tally helping him.
Su Minshan, true Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, is the most overpowered character in the entire series, and we must therefore conclude that he chooses to be Jin Guangyao’s devoted henchman rather than seizing any power for himself because he finds it personally fulfilling.
302 notes
·
View notes