#which side note its so sick we get to read and study that and ive even been set the film as wider reader lmao I love uni | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jemej3m · 4 years

Note

hi i love love love your writing! sorry if people have been asking this but ive been looking for a part three of your lawyer!andrew and neil is on trial for killing his father and I wasnt sure if I missed it or if you haven’t continued it. Just wondering thank you ❤️

well GUEsS WHAT MY FRIEND

its here!!!

(p1 / p2)

Andrew didn’t like to drag things out, but the prosecution did. They always did. It was their only joy in life, especially in appeals: tease every possible fraying strand of a case till they were three weeks into the trial and the jury was dead on their feet.

And yet, here he was, on the second day of his closing. He’d never made it to a second day: once he’d finished a closing in five minutes.

Neil had grown progressively more antsy over the three weeks, desperate for a resolution. Every time he was scanned into court, Andrew took his favourite key and slipped it into his pocket. Every time he left to be escorted back to his temporary holding cell in Baltimore’s central policing station, he gave it back for safekeeping. Andrew would hold it, the metal still warm to the touch, the teeth of the key worn with how many times Neil would run the tips of his fingers over it.

Professionalism, Betsy had warned him.

But damn it all to hell: Andrew was gone.

“Mr Minyard, if you would continue where we left off last night?” the judge drawled. Andrew could read people better than books: it wasn’t looking good. This was his last chance.

He stood up, shoved down the strange anger that had simmered beneath his skin every time the prosecution slid their pompous gazes over him, and closed his laptop. His briefcase. Put away his notes and hooked his thumbs into the pockets of his slacks.

“Your honour,” he said, with as much grace as his perpetually bored tone allowed. “This case is beyond that of my client. That much we can all agree upon.”

He waited for an answer.

The judge cocked her head. “Yes, Minyard.”

“It is a gruesome story of a luckless, loveless marriage, made for the sakes of alliances and blood money. Mary Wesninski paid that price with her life, when her husband took his favourite weapon - a cleaver - to her throat. My client was 17 when that happened. He was a minor. A child.”

He turned to the jury. “Over and over, I have rebutted the prosecution’s solitary and feeble argument that my client is Nathan Wesninski’s son. The very Nathan Wesninski who earned his name, the Butcher, through bloody campaigns and fearmongering. That Nathaniel Wesninski was destined to follow his father’s path and continue his legacy.”

“If it weren’t for his mother, perhaps he would have,” Andrew said, rocking back on his heels. “Without intervention, there’s no doubt that Nathaniel Wesninski would have been a carbon copy of his predecessor, and just as bloodthirsty. But that man -” he pointed at Neil. “That man is not Nathaniel Wesninski. Not in the way his father wanted him to be.”

“We’ve seen the pictures of my client’s torso. The bullet wounds and gruesome knifings that he earned whilst clawing desperately to free himself from his father’s iron grasp. Worse still: we’ve seen the proof of a tormented childhood, skin torn off by a hot iron, stitches from misplaced butter knives at the dinner table when Junior, seven years old, didn’t sit still enough. A crooked nose, broken three times before he managed to escape.”

He looked to the one woman who he knew would recognise this pain, this trauma.

“You should have no doubt in your minds that this man here, my client,” Andrew said, voice lowered down. “This man was simply fighting for his life. He was running from his worst nightmare, clawing desperately for freedom when all he’d known was pain, chains and despair. He fought against what his father wished for him, every step of the way. In self-defence, he rid the world a serial killer. A rapist. A man who had committed every atrocity known to humankind. If anything, we should be thanking him.”

The room had gone deathly quiet.

“Ask yourselves,” he said, taking a deep breath. “Is purging the world of a monster that monstrous of a thing to do?”

He turned back to the judge.

“My client has served his time. He’s done twice as long as he should have for manslaughter, which is the true nature of this crime. Repeatedly, my client has expressed his willingness to comply with parole measures and prove himself a functioning member of our society. If you have any humanity left within you,”

He looked over his shoulder at Neil. The man held his gaze, blue eyes so intense that Andrew nearly lost his train of thought.

“Any humanity at all,” he continued. The judge looked down at him, face blank. “You would grant his mother her dying wish, and finally let this injustice rest.”

He returned to his desk. “That’s all, your honour.”

It took her a few moments to clear her throat and call: “Court adjourned.”

Two policemen came and cuffed Neil’s hands behind his back. Andrew had done everything he could: it was out of his hands now. He mightn’t ever see Neil again, if by the afternoon the jury had decided Neil’s pleas were worthless and had him sent him right back to maximum security.

“Thank you,” the man said, just before he was turned away. “You were amazing.”

Andrew remained very still until the courtroom was empty.

Now all he could do was wait.

“The ‘dying wish’ thing was intense,” Matt commented around a mouthful of falafel. Dan flicked a crumb off his tie, looking at him with an irritated fondness. Both of them - Wymack too - had sat in for both days of his closing. Dan because she pretended she had any sense of authority over Andrew, Wymack because he was Andrew’s boss, and Matt because he was fatally friendly and had never missed a closing of any of his coworkers, even Andrew.

“The whole thing was intense,” Dan grumbled.

“I bet the sexual tension was off the charts,” Allison called out, kicked up her feet onto her desk as she ignored Renee’s unsubtle shushing.

Andrew ignored them all.

“We’re just waiting for the verdict?”

“We’ll be called in when the jury’s ready.”

“It’s been two days. They’ve dragged this on long enough.”

The phone on his desk started ringing. He shoved it against his ear and said “What.”

“Mr Minyard? This is Amy Johnston from the Post, I was just wondering if you wanted to comment on the outcome of your most recent case -”

He slammed the phone back down onto the receiver, jolting his coworkers out of their idle chatter. He was going to kill Nicky for letting the press through. His cousin was useless, and the press were even worse: there was no outcome. The jury had been silent for 2 days, and at this rate, it’d probably go into three.

Wymack texted him. I know you’re still at the office. Go home.

Andrew didn’t need to be told twice.

He careened his ludicrously expensive car into the driveway of his small home. Being a lawyer did have its perks, even if his fellows were curious busybodies and he got attached to impossible cases. He’d crack a better whisky tonight and herald in the news of him impending failure half drunk.

He was never taking a case like this again. Of course, there was no case quite like Nathaniel Wesninski’s, but the point still remained.

He unlocked his front door, stepped inside, and immediately stilled.

The heater was on.

His briefcase, blazer and tie came off, thrown haphazardly in the general direction of Andrew’s study. When he entered his kitchen, he skidded to a stop.

“Hi,” Neil said, skin far more bronze without the gaudy orange jumpsuit. Andrew just stared. The man ducked his head down, lacing his fingers behind his back. “I - uh, I got Wymack to call you in sick for the verdict. Wanted to surprise you.”

“You knew,” Andrew said. “You knew the outcome?”

“Of course,” Neil snorted. “Had to do something with the bloodmoney. Don’t worry, it was only two of them. The rest you had hooked.”

“I don’t know why I’m surprised,” Andrew said flatly. Neil’s grin flashed, but he was clearly way out of his depth here. Free and nervous about it. Here, because he thought that Andrew would be the only one that cared.

And he did. For the first time, he did.

The man gestured at his ankle. “18 months parole. It’s a bit heavy but I’ll get used to it with time, I guess.” He rubbed the back of his neck, curls bouncing. “Gotta find somewhere to live, I suppose. Figure out how normal life works. I’m applying for a name change: the first random name generator on Google gave me Josten, so that’s probably what I’ll go with.”

“You’re a disaster,” Andrew managed, fighting every urge not to reach out and comb his fingers through the man’s hair.

“What else is new?” Neil joked.

“You said you’d go to law school.”

His eyes widened slightly. “You’re holding me to that?”

Andrew shrugged. “It’s your life.”

“I suppose you’ll regret taking me on when I end up stealing your cases,” Neil teased, leaning a little closer.

Andrew reached up and tugged on Neil’s collar. “I don’t believe in regret. But I sure as hell will give you the challenge.”

Neil’s lips quirked up at the side, warping his scars and making Andrew’s chest ache.

“Stay,” Andrew said, softer than he intended.

And, now that he could choose to, Neil Josten, freshly minted and definitely real, whispered: “Okay.”

wow only months later did i finally figure out what i wanted from this

srry its so short!!

#andreil #lawyer!au #htgawwm au #kinda #part 3!!!!#out of 3 probably srry #:(((#unless someone inspires me ;;)#all for the game #aftg #neil josten #andrew minyard #the foxes #boppity boo heres content for you #pls bear with me i have like 4 wips all 15k plus but i cant stay on track with anything

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mingi-bubu · 4 years

Text

Watch “Love O2O” with Me!

Episode 6

oohoo hoo

we are back with episode 6 !

im excited for this one bc the nflx ep summary reads

“Weiwei starts to imagine what Naihe is like in real life. After joining the online game, Guang mistakes Erxi for Weiwei and asks her to be his mentor.”

which means there are several possibilities

The possibility of all of these possibilities being possible is just another possibility that can possibly happen

one is that wei2 meets up with the #Squad irl but w/o nai for w/e reason bc something comes up (maybe yiran or nana or a meeting w/a possible investor) so she just gets to know the guys minus nai

i dont think that photo boy is gonna find out that its erxi for at least 2 episodes bc it seems like that plot line can be extended for a bit

i really want nai to tell photo boy to fuck off like i cannot express how much i want that

but anyways

i have my water, my phone is plugged in and steadily cooling down bc it was overheating earlier, i am thinking about getting cereal but idk yet

as the man who sees all these possibilities would say, lezgeddit

also side note i feel like at this point i should make a post listing all of the epithets for mark that ive come up with adkfjslk

anyway

on with the show

ok we open with pohoto boy looking thru the different servers for the game

his roommates seem better than him i like them

why is his shirt buttoned all the way up

sir

please dont

library time

study study study

OOOH THAT GIRL IN THE BACKGROUND WITH THE FLOOFY SKIRT I LOVE HER OUTFIT

girl put your headphoens i-good ok

we get to watch the video

the game effects are pretty cool ngl

ripped jeans and nice shoes

could it be

IT IS

GOD WHAT I WOULD DO TO HAVE A BEAUTIFUL MAN WHOS IMMEDIATELY RIDE OR DIE FOR ME

anyways

stoppppp his eyes he smiled i can feel it

SHTUT FUK U[P

ooooh the wedding celebration part is dope as fuck

im just as riveted as wei2

oh my god she gasped even tho she knew what was goinCRYING

DAMN THAT MUSTVE BEEN SOME GOOD FUCKING EDITING

oh are they reunited agin

bro go and aSMILE

anyways go an ask why shes cryign

nno she clammed herself down

and he’s back at his seat to respond

i like how obviously they photoshopped the image onto the laptop screen akdjfakls

oh shit caught in your oooh

lies?

are these lies?

shes not even going to fact check him

ma’am

fact check his ass

i dont care how much you like him or the fucking film

fact check

ugh anyways

sMIELE

naihands

his hair looks so good now

im proposing to both of them

hes too lazy to register the video but hes just energetic enough to fucking add to it

naihass

those jeans did uh the most

why is he cree-oh so he can see her more clearly

sstop flirting im sik of you two

oh snap he really said hes better than his own fake character

BITCH HES SUCH A NERD

i love to see that this show was partially sponsored by hp

he really dragged a whole ass chair into the stacks to hide from her

ok me too

no man should look that good simply standing there

erxi erxi erxi

im erxi

IM ERXI OH MY GOD ALKDSJFAKL;SJDF

REAL MASTERS LIKE YOU CANT RELATE TO FAKE MASTERS LIKE ME

i really do love the friendships in the show

she really do be MONKEY

TINIE BABY MONKEY

TWOTHREEEEEE

MONKEYSSS

OH MY GOD WHY WOULD YOU HURT THEM

flk;ajslkdfjasl;kd; weiwei just help

i love it its so funny

she really said drink the yakult and fucking stunt i support this agenda

was the backflip necessary

ooh sick sword rain i lvoe that

like we knew it was photo boy

but ew do we have to seethem interact

lmaooooo not @ how the makeup artists did not care about matching his foundation to his neck

i love how dramatic erxi is about this with the other roommates

sisi and xiaoling i am propoising

oh does nai get her a phone

i keep forgetting she doesnt have a phone

i think one of the plants in their terrarium died

oh its the tinie gal from tNINI

im so sad that nini is still part of the slimeball’s group

she really said im not easily bought

oh shit wow slimeball really do be dating the other girl

damn

laskdjfals nini wants the teaaaa

UGH HIS FUCKIGN BATTLE OUTFIT I

MONKEYESSSS

aw man why do you gotta kill the tinie boys

akl;faskldf aldfjlaskd you get used to being a deadbeat after a while

oh my god they really are gonna fight him im so weak

OH SHIT HE REALLY MADE KODAK TAKE OUT THE OTHER THREE

mirror fish i am so sorry alkdfj;alksjd

september is king

oh my god im sick of them being so inlove fuck off

oooohhhh they got gifts

open it

oooohhh wei2 got a new fit

SHIT THATS SO CUTE

IT MATCHESE HIM FEOIAJPOFIW;ESJKNGPAOWIERHG

SHTU TYYGOGIAEUPIOEFHOAEI;W

I HATE IT HERE

THIS SIS COUTEE

SEVEN LCOORS

OH MY GOD THATS ACTUALLY HILARIOUS

oh my god

her hairpiece is so cute

naihe i love this

‘we’re an old couple now’ y’all havev only been together for like what

a week and a half

OOOH SHNAPPS

she said if he wanted to exchange pics or meet irl she would

damn this is getting existential

ak;jflaksj why dont they have washing machines

kodak you over dramatic bitch i love him

alkfjalkdsf I want to live another day

do they really not wash socks

oh my god and tidying the room

im so fucking dead

the power that xiao nai has

kldfjal;dskjfasdlkjaskdjf;lkasjdfa;lskjd DRY THEM

IM SO WEAK

is taht september’s naem?

i love my dramatic #Squad

oh flashback season lads

im so fuckign dead the POWER THAT XIAO NAI HAS

KING

SHIT

september v nai

he’s calling himself thrid bro

jalkd;fjaslkdjf theyre so dramatic i really IMPULSE IS THE ORIGINAL SIN

THISI IS WHAT BOYS WILL BE BOYS IS ABOUT

it’s a girl i

oh its from the tech company

oh shit

mr li just wants to meet with sept

interesting

i love nai’s shirt

where to cop

ooohhhh tea on the company

*eyes emoji*

oh damn wowowowow scummy

bros before girls i

alkjflaks

mirror fish really said it is okay, dont worry, i will take the seduction bullet for you guys *pensive emoji*

banshan is septembers name

yu banshan

nai really is telling him to see what they want from september huh

theyre arguing too much

oh my god

OH MY GOD IM FUCKING HATE THEM

IS SEPTEMBER WEARING A BUTTON DOWN OVER A BUTTON DOWN

nai really do just be seeing wei2 and leaving

same

a;ldkfjalsdk erxi is so extra i love her

oh my god

whatever he gets is what theyre gonna get

HE LOOKED AT ERXI RIGHT AS THEY TOOK THE PHOETOA FAKSDJFAKWE

tru you dont wanna use the luck well up

oooh i want chow mein

SWWE;KJROWAIEHF THEY SAID THE SAME THIG FUCKIGN SOULDMATE SHIT

KODAK I LOVE YOU

kodak deffo knows the chef guy

oh snap

its bc chef guy thinks kodak is hot

UNDERDEVELOPED IM FUCKIGN

fine then

keep your secrets ;)

wei2′s jacket is so cute!

wei2 tell erxiiiiii

do itttt

ugh

go on and do what??? continue eating

kodak is weird akldfj

girl grades before everything else smh

DONT DO THAT

MAKE HIM KEEP HIS OWN APPTS

S M H

nai loves causing trouble i am marrhing him

but ok thats the end of this episode!!

more wei2 and nai interactions but i just want to see her and the squad hang out so much ugH

also i will say that a highlight was the limited amounts of poto boy that we saw

fantastic directing

anyways

thank you for reading!!!

stay safe and stay healthy <333

#cdrama #love o2o #e6 #love o2o wwm: round 1 #jae.txt #jae.wwm

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flyswhumpcenter · 6 years

Text

It’s Never Too Late to Call Quit

This sickfic is heavily inspired by @swiggity-swump’s amazing fic Late Work, based on an also really cool prompt by @taylor-tut ! I just felt like I had to credit them both because they’re Sickfic Goals TM. For once, the fic is on Tumblr, but I’ll probably still post it on AO3 later anyway.

Summary: It’s a peaceful Monday evening, and Richard has had a nice day until then. What could possibly wrong, when he has a training oral with the best student of the class on a text he personally loves? Well... It doesn’t depend on Richard.

Fandom: PDV (original work, zero need for additional material)

Word count: 2.3K words

Note: “Ulm” refers to the fanciest college one can enter. “Khâgne” and “hypokhâgne” refer to a special cursus to allow students to enter this prestigious school, which correspond to the two first years of college (but it’s literature).

Now available on AO3!

Richard is quite happy today. All his orals have been good so far, or at least decent, and he hasn’t given a single bad grade all week. This is a rare occasion, even among his fellow Ancient Literature specialists. This is the last oral he has on the list to give, and unfortunately for him, he has no oral to go through while his last student prepares his translation and commentary.

He already reads again the text he is about to give. A very short extract he loves from Aeschylus’s The Persians, a fragment of the Messenger’s address to the Queen of Persia after the defeat of Salamis. He isn’t sure about the historical accuracy of the text: he just knows he loves this play and is, deep inside, glad to give it the top student of this class.

He has a filled grid in front of him, with all the students’ names. On this Monday evening of February, he is feeling pretty good. This is rare enough for him to smile about it. He muses over a name sloppily written in blue ink, facing the hour of the oral’s preparation and start: François Bannaire.

Despite his common name, common-sounding surname and his sloppy writing, he is by far the top student of his class. Good in everything but philosophy, brilliant in literature despite clearly disliking his teacher (who could blame him, she is quite the old hag), good enough at his secondary language to already be trilingual in English and Italian. Richard can’t lie to himself: he really likes this kid.

“Kid” is the way he would describe François Bannaire, at least. He is fairly young, maybe too young for all he knows and is capable of doing. It’s as if he was condemned to study like a monk before joining Henri IV for his khâgne year. Nobody even knew about the school he had made his hypokhâgne year in, but his personal file was good no one even dared refusing one more student in a slightly overstuffed class. He was just this miraculous. The kind of student who had his free pass for Ulm. On this field, he has yet to disappoint anyone but the philosophy teacher, who is still a bit pissed at the boy for having just given back an introduction to an essay out of lack of inspiration for passions and war.

“Kid” is more about how François is. He is barely eighteen, discovering the joys and cons of adulthood one head at a time (he still hasn’t agreed to a single drop of alcohol, “my mom told me to be careful” has become a joke in the class, but he laughs at it too), isn’t too rushed about growing up as if he is in a daydream. He isn’t, but nobody dares telling the kind and naïve François life is harsh and will spit in his face more than once. That’s what happens when you’re one college year ahead of your age and attend an abstract cursus, Richard guesses.

A knock on the door breaks the teacher from his thoughts and he walks to the door, already expecting his star student to rock his Bailly dictionary to success. He did so the first time around, so why would he not on the second? This is exciting, when he thinks about it. It’s always exciting when he’s certain this is going to be marvellous.

He opens the door and faces the boy, except his excitement falls flat on its face as soon as he does so. François looks… more than odd. When he would be a bit stressed, and showing so, but still make his greatest grin to his teachers, he was sporting a pained look, as if his stress had taken over. He can see his legs are shaking, and the way he holds his Greek-to-French dictionary is feeble at best.

“H-hello s-sir… Sorry, I’m a tad late…” he rasps, breathless.

It must be anxiety. The boy has the pressure of everyone’s hopes, after all.

“Hello, François. Please take a seat in the room. I will get you the text” the teacher replies as he walks to the desk.

The student installed himself in the back of the room, so he has to walk a little bit to reach him, but it doesn’t take long and soon enough, he’s all ready to translate the short extract. Richard goes back to his seat, at the desk, and plunges himself inside his novel. He’s corrected enough tests for the day, he can allow himself a small hour of reading, can’t he? He’s the boss of himself, duh.

The sound of a pencil scratching paper is nice, he thinks. It helps him focus, for a reason he can’t ever get out of his brain. However, the occasional muffled cough noise isn’t. It’s grating, and since he doesn’t come from him, it must come from the only other person in the room. It may just be some regular cough his mind makes up to be stronger, muffled by his student’s scarf. He shrugs it away. It’s February, of course the boy is going to be a bit sick, who isn’t?

After a while, there is a complete silence. No pencil, no cough. He doesn’t think of it a lot at first: François must be reading his paper again to see if he made some translation error, or is thinking about what to say for the commentary on the text. Nothing big, nothing out of the ordinary. He lays back into his chair, still deep into his crime story (he’ll never admit to his workmates his love for crime novels, it’s not real literature).

“Time’s up,” Richard tells him while looking at his watch, “come to the desk now, please.”

There is no reply. No sound. Nothing.

Feeling like he’s being kidded with, the Greek teacher gets up from his chair, clutching on his red pen in a hope to exhort his anger out of the words he is about to throw at the boy’s face. When he arrives in front of the table, he has to admit to himself something: that wretched student is fast asleep on his sheets, and the dictionary is still opened to the Ν pages. Honestly, Richard is more than a little pissed about this.

“Mr Bannaire, it is time to wake up. You have an oral to take. I do not want this to require me waking you up.”

He doesn’t even begin to stir. This is going to frustrate him to anger far quicker than he ever expected it to.

At his feet, Richard notices a pencil whose point got broken and a tissue. That’s when he notices how unnaturally his student is slumped, left hand limply hanging out of the table while his right arm is still on the open dictionary. It’s as if he fell asleep so suddenly he didn’t have time to see it coming. This is quite an impressive fatigue, Richard thought, and a small sigh escaped his mouth. If he was this tired, maybe he should be a bit kinder today.

He puts a hand on his student’s shoulder, only to take it off a second later. Did he just put his hand on a heater instead? Doubting, he shakes him, still feeling this heat on his palms, until a cough is heard, and François finally stirs, slowly, almost numbly.

His eyes eventually lock into his teachers’. His face is instantly washed with fear and panic, and his hands retrieve all his needed papers, including a full draft for a translation.

“I-I’m sorry sir… I didn’t mean to fall asleep…!” he grogs out before retaining a cough. “Sorry for that, let me… let me just get my stuff together for it…”

“François.”

Upon hearing his name, the boy stops and looks at him. Richard slips his hand under the thick, chocolate brown bangs of the younger man, only to grit his teeth.

“You’re not taking that oral tonight, on my career’s sake. You’re going home right now.”

“B-but why…? It’s because I slept…?”

Richard can barely believe he just said that.

“Okay, François, listen. You’re burning up. You’re clearly ill beyond reason. You should be in bed right now, not translating some Greek. We’ll just postpone it, okay? This isn’t as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be.”

Red, puffed eyes look away as he attempts to wipe them by wiping his glasses.

“It’s just a tiny fever… I can do it, sir, please…”

“No is no, Mr Bannaire. You are officially discharged and going back home.”

Oh wait.

“No, that’s right, you live in the dorms… I’ll bring you to Edith then. She’ll be able to call your parents so you can go back home.”

As if it was possible, François’s face loses even more colour, to the point he looks like a corpse with a huge tint of red all over his face and cheeks. He suddenly gets up from his chair and, from the other side of the table, throws himself at Richard.

“Please don’t send me home! I don’t wanna explain to my dad why I’m sick again! Just send me back to dorm, I’ll find a way to get better by tomorrow! Don’t… don’t send me home…”

“François. How long have you been sick?”

“It’s just today… I don’t know why I feel so ba… I mean why I have a fever all of a sudden. It’s just a fever.”

“I can’t let you remain on school grounds in such a condition. We’re going to the nurse’s office immediately.”

Then, Richard realizes what’s wrong with his student.

“Did you sleep a lot lately?”

“S-sir, if it doesn’t bother you, can we do that translation now…? I still have Latin and history stuff to do…”

The man had to retain the boy from falling over.

“You’re about to pass out, François. This isn’t the time to insist on taking an oral. Your hubris isn’t going to help at the moment.”

A small smile creeps on the student’s face.

“I get it… It’s like Xerxes’s failure at Salamis…”

He sits down as Richard decides to tide his stuff up, grabbing the backpack sloppily bleeding sheets on the table.

“S-sir… Can you walk me there…? I don’t think I’m seeing very clearly anymore…”

“Of course, if it means you can get the bed you deserve.”

A few minutes later, Richard has two backpacks on his back and a boy on his shoulder, whose ragged breathing tells better than anything else how unwell he is. This wasn’t stress, after all, but maybe he should had seen that coming.

“I think you overworked yourself, François. It’s not natural to have such a fever from a day to the other. Did you sleep lately?”

“Huh… I slept two hours last night, I think so at least…? I can’t tell, my roommates were sleeping when I went to bed and when I woke up…”

“You have some deep dark rings under you-”

“Fuck I forgot to take my medicine… That’s why my chest feels so squeezy today…”

“What medicine?”

“Asthma treatment… Mine’s pretty bad apparently… That’s what Mom kept telling me…”

Once at the nurse’s office, Richard finally remembers something. Edith’s shift ended an hour ago, and the night time nurse doesn’t come until another hour. However, he has a key of the room, kindly given to him by Edith in case anything happened to any of his students… But the single fact she wrote “François” on the keychain tells him she had a precise goal in mind.

Once the door is unlocked, he hurries to put his student on the closest bed he can find. He gets his phone out, calls for a doctor, who tells him to call for an ambulance if the fever is higher than forty and a half, so he shoves a thermometer down the boy’s mouth, and it reads “only” forty, so they just decide to wait for the other nurse.

“Sir, I… I can sta-”

“I’ve heard you were easily ill, is that true?” Richard asks, interrupting his sentence on purpose.

“I do… But usually it’s just colds, or at worst anginas… I’m not used to harsh fevers yet…”

“Yet?”

“I haven’t had strong fevers before a few years. I guess that’s linked to overwork, that’s what everyone keeps telling me… I hate those, I feel really bad when they happen…”

“Why not sleep more to avoid it? You look exhausted.”

“Don’t have time… I have to get to Ulm… Or else I’ll have even more depths towards my father… And I don’t want that…”

“You do now letting yourself get this sick is more counterproductive than anything, right? You’re making things even harder for yourself.”

“Y-yeah, I wish I would stop doing that, but I always feel like I’m running out of time…”

Richard sighs. He feels bad for that boy, dammit.

“That may be because we put a lot of pressure on you and your peers, but you may feel it more easily than the others… Did you feel that way last year?”

“Not really… They weren’t as competitive as here… The pressure was on whether or not I’d get my ancient lit speciality here… Is it me or is it cold in here…”

He’s shaking like a leaf in the middle of a blizzard.

“It’s your fever. I sadly have to leave you so I can get home before half past eight, but I don’t want to see you before you’re all better, ok? I’m sure you can get the lessons from your friends. Take care, François.”

“Thanks sir… Sorry for that…”

“It’s all fine. See you when you’re better.”

“G’bye…”

Richard exits the room, closes the door and wipes up a sheet from his bag, writing down a small note for the incoming nurse. Once it’s done, he gets some transparent tape from his pencil case, tapes the paper to the door and makes his way to the exit of the school. It’s been a while since he genuinely hoped someone would get better soon.

#whump #sickfic #original work #pdv #PDV 0 L #richard marquier #françois bannaire #i have something with fran whump lately for some reason #oh well #sorry fran

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tinysadface · 7 years

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what advice would you give incoming freshman or students in general for college?? i noticed in one of your posts you said you were a senior so you must have picked some things up

aw heck, i’m not sure im the best to give advice but i’ll try to give you some advice since this isnt my first rodeo

1. when I was a freshmen I didn’t know anyone at my college, all my friends went to a state university and I went to a liberal arts college haha. but I will say, it was absolutely terrifying (But exciting) for me to even think about leaving my hometown and live away from home. I didn’t even know who my roommate was going to be. but, in the end when I moved down to usao I knew that i wasn’t going to do myself any favors by locking myself in my room so I went out of my way to try and make friends. and I definitely did make friends, which leads me to my next point: youre probably going to lose the first friends you make. Maybe not by choice, but it happens. you meet so many new people and its a new experience and….sometimes those relationships dont work out, and thats ok. its a learning experience but youll find people who stick around and make college a fun experience. I lost friends, gained friends, and lost friends again.

2. go…..to class………….. you’re not doing yourself or your professor any favors by not showing up. hey…you’re the one paying for the class why not just show up and try. Sometimes I know its fucking hard. I go through these depressive weeks where I just cant force myself to get out of bed and walk to a class that I hated but I knew all i was doing was digging myself a hole I wouldn’t get out of by not showing up. yes, I know sometimes shit happens, like when you get sick and stuff and yes, if you’re fuckin throwing up or have a fever, dont go to class and get everyone else sick too. But do try and make an effort to find out what you did that day by asking around, ask another student if you can look at their notes for the day you missed, almost always, even if they dont really know you will be like “Yea” and then you can just snap a pic of the notes on your phone. (also another thing, dont fucking leave early unless its an emergency, thats fucking rude, and it almost always pisses off the professors and shows that you dont care)

3. books are fucking expensive, if you can, check out websites that sell textbooks cheaper (ebooks for like tablets or laptops are usually not very expensive) or honestly even just go to the library and see if they have the book, they probably wont let you check it out but you cansit there and read it or take pics on your phone for later. sometimes if youre real sneaky, you can sometimes find a pdf of a textbook online ;)

4. you’re going to eat really shitty food. and im sorry, sometimes there is just no way around that. Even your cafe is probably going to be terrible (i know mine is…..unless you go to a school that is well funded…….) you’re going to live in your dorm/apartment and youre going to go “wow all i have is this really tiny fucking mini fridge and a shitty microwave and those “cute life hacks for dorm life eating” are usually bullshit or just still out of budget. You’re probably going to be eating fuckin a microwavable bowl of mac and cheese with sriracha sauce because youre so tired of the flavor and thats ok. water is free….

5. if you live on campus and there is a laundrymat on campus. fucking change the lint trap on the dryer….please…. you dont know how many times ive tried to wash my clothes and seen that 3 people before me didnt even bother to clean the lint trap. Last semester a fire started in our dorms because one of the dryers finally caught on fire bc some students didn’t change the damn lint trap….

6. parties are….always going to happen. Try to stay safe yo…dont be fucking stupid, especially if you are underage. just dont be fucking stupid.

7. sometimes youre going to want to binge watch an entire fucking anime or show instead of study. and 100% of the time youre going to regret it. But its going to happen, do not kid yourself. But maybe while studying, take breaks and do things that will relax or calm you down before studying again. (Also. yes. studying at night before an exam will help, even if you feel like you totally got that test, just reading over it and looking over your notes before bed can help you out, or…well its always helped me out)

8. if you live in the dorms, youre going to want to decorate to make it cute and fun :)! and you can do it…..but just remember in a fucking year that all has to come down.

9. (this is from lizard, a recent graduate and her fucking planners) for the week/month list out what you need to get done that week and put them in a planner distributed throughout the week/month so you’re not just overwhelmed at the end of the month

10. take care of yourself, ok? sometimes we really like to get caught up in the “college life” its almost like…a game of who can make themselves the most miserable and one up the other students “oh YOU only had 5 hours of sleep??? well I haven’t even slept!!!” like, yea there are going to be days where allnighters are probably going to happen, but dont kill yourself over college. Take breaks, manage your time so you don’t have to stay up too late to work (although sometimes it just happens) and make time for you. Take care of yourself mentally and physically, youll thank yourself later.

ok im sorry this is long and kinda stupid at some parts but idk. there is probably a lot i can talk about but that question was a bit broad (i didn’t even really get into my art side of college which is a lil different) so if anyone does have questions or advice over a certain thing in college or something then shoot haha

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saiblln · 7 years

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Story of Sai: A Two-Time Cancer Survivor

By Marisse Lee

Sai Belloan, a young lady aged 21, is one of those souls I happened to meet by serendipity in the virtual world of Facebook. A twist of fate, I would like to call it that way.

If you check out her FB profile she would strike you as just another normal young woman who likes Game of Thrones and, most likely, has a crush on Kit Harington (lol, now, who wouldn’t anyway?); dogs; Justin Bieber (oh go and love yourself); Friends(again, who wouldn’t?); and must have, once recently, fall madly in love with K-Drama(Korean drama TV series) and the Ken-doll like Korean actors. Pretty much like everyone in her age in this country, I bet.

She is blessed with a lovely face and a lovely family. She is the youngest of two siblings borne from a family who earns their living from manufacturing shoes and bags. She was, therefore, living a normal and comfortable life until this huge challenge came along in her life at the age of 15.

She was afflicted with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. The Mayo clinic described it as: “a cancer of the lymphatic system, which is part of your immune system. In Hodgkin’s lymphoma, cells in the lymphatic system grow abnormally and may spread beyond the lymphatic system. As Hodgkin’s lymphoma progresses, it compromises your body’s ability to fight infection.” Its symptoms include fever, night sweats and weight loss and oftentimes, the presence of a non-painful enlarged lymph nodes in the neck, under the arm or in the groin area. Feeling tired and itchiness may be felt by those affected with this type.

In Sai’s case, the symptoms consisted of itchy skin, persistent dry cough for 3 months (the phlegm was laced with blood in the latter stage), fatigue and a lump in her neck that was biopsied (via sample taken thru needle-aspiration) but with negative result. However, after surgery and another biopsy, the lump turned out as positive. She went through a treatment consisting of 4 cycles of chemotheraphy. Note that HL type of cancer has a high survival rate especially in the case of young patients. She recovered and was cancer-free for the next 4 years. She graduated valedictorian from high school and went to University of Sto. Tomas to study BS Finance. She was enjoying a carefree life like any teenager…but, BOOM! Just like that, cancer re-appeared.

Everyone had, one time or another, a brush with pain and sorrow. We all learn to deal with it, let go and then move on. However, nothing will ever prepare for anyone to have another tryst with the same demon. That would be devastating to say the least. You already looked this devil in its eyes. You weathered the storm…and yet, it is back. Staring you in the face.

Initially, Sai worried that she might undergo stem-cell-transplant, a treatment that is being touted as highly effective in treating cancer cases (I have different un-expert opinion on this matter but it is irrelevant to discuss it here so let us save that for another day) but it is quite expensive in the Philippines (approximately $50,000 or more). Fortunately (financially speaking), her doctors put her under the first-line-of-defense treatment which means she had to undergo 6 cycles of chemotheraphy to get rid of the cancer cells.

A trip to the hospital for each cycle which is equivalent to 2 sessions is a “trip to hell”according to Sai. She was in constant pain. What with being poked by needles so many times to insert the IV-line…when a battered vein refused to take in the meds, they will simply poke another one to go on with the treatment. I will never understand how a 21-year old was able to handle all that. But she did. After each session, she would hurt from the side effects of chemotherapy: bone/muscle/body pains, shortness of breath and soreness of veins. Alongside with that, she had suffered “moon face” (steroids side effect), uncontrolled eating and insomnia. But, thanks to God, she is, again, in remission – free from cancer once more.

Now, why the heck am I writing this story? Well, people, cancer is not just like having a flu, recovering from it, then going back to your routine. NOT AT ALL. Sai was in college when her HL cancer recurred. She was building her dreams…looking forward to finishing school because she remembered how happy and proud her parents were when her older sister graduated from the university. She wanted to make them proud of her also. A typical dream of a child who dreamed of somehow paying back their folks’ sacrifices. She hoped to get ahead in life as that is what we were raised to do. One has to make a place under the sun. Cancer provided her a choice-less choice but to quit school.

She is cured, yes…still, she lives life with Damocles sword over her head afraid that the cancer may recur a third time. She is scared of having dreams for herself again because one day she might wake up losing them once more. She worried about her parents because they are getting old and she would not like to see them earning and putting up money for her treatment. She posted a long recount of her cancer tale on 22 July 2017 putting up a brave face against this odd…what she did not tell you much about is that she lives everyday like someone near a cliff…anxious, frightened to fall in that abyss.

Cancer changes a person. It makes you brave because you have no other recourse but to embrace courage. It makes you treasure life more because you have tasted what it is to almost lose it. It makes you cherish the people in your life because you are not sure how long is your time to share and spend with them. Nonetheless, at the same time, you always live with fear…less for yourself but more for the people you love and might leave behind. It is a harrowing tale that will continue to unfold every day of her life. It will take a very long while for her body to completely recover and regain back its maximum health…it will probably take double that time for Sai to be completely confident that things will be really okay.

She is thankful for the friendships she gained (strangers and otherwise) while she has been going through this challenge. Misery loves company, true. It may be “misery” but, from there, compassion and love bloom that only show our humanity in the face of adversity.

Right now, she is taking her time to recover. She would have wanted to go back to school right away to avoid the additional two years (thus, additional expenses) she may incur as a result of the implementation of K-12 Program in the Philippines. However, I tried to reason out with her that there are more important things other than college education…and that, at this time, priority should be given to her health; it, being given back to her for yet another chance. I love to mention here that Sai learned watercolor drawing by herself from the YouTube University (pun intended) while she was sick. When I asked her the other day what is she keeping herself busy with, she said: “Painting my bedroom.” Oh, the kid must be doing a Michelangelo on her ceiling, who knows?

She also continue to share stories of her friends that are still battling with cancer and seeking financial assistance in the hope that by sharing their posts she might be able to help find a charitable soul who may be willing to extend help. She established a Facebook group for HL and non-HL cancer patients which you can find through this link https://m.facebook.com/groups/1465490123521821.

Lastly, Sai never lost her faith that God is there for her and her family.

My goal in writing her story is not to educate you about cancer. Google can provide you with tons of information if you would like to read about it…neither am I seeking pity and consolation from you although understanding and compassion is very much welcome. If you are reading this, I am knocking at the door of love and kindness that reside in your heart, please hear my prayers:

1) I am begging you to show support to people who are suffering from cancer by sharing their stories especially those who are in need of financial assistance…that is the least we can do. By doing such, perhaps our efforts might lead to someone who has the means to help. It is shooting in the dark, yes, but who knows an arrow might find its way to the right heart.

2) If the cancer-patient is selling items to raise the money required for their treatment, we can either patronize his/her product or, again, help in the selling campaign (I do not have to remind you, though, to check authenticity of any such campaign before diving into it…Heaven knows how the Internet works these days).

3) If you have the financial means, kindly donate to their Go-Fund-Me

4) If none at all, sincere prayers will do. Humans are beings made of energy. Prayers are energy. You get the picture.

Having said that, please start with Ramon Christopher “Casi” Ramos Burgos. He is Sai’s friend…another soul suffering from non-HL cancer that she happened to befriend in the cancer community. Originally, we intended to write a story for Casi but he has been confined in the hospital and not available to provide details that we need. By sharing Sai’s story, you will be sharing Casi’s battle with cancer as well. If you are able, please check his Go-Fund-Me at https://www.gofundme.com/2ce3sqdw. Your financial help, whatever the amount, will be most appreciated.

Or, if you are interested in ordering cancer-awareness t-shirts, you can check this link to place your order https://www.facebook.com/iamcasimon/posts/1592362204139378.

PLEASE, I BEG YOU…share Sai’s story (and by that, sharing Casi’s plea) or kindly re-post Casi’s Go-Fund-Me link or help him raise the US$50,000 (it only has $500 so far, a loooooong way to go) by promoting the sale of his t-shirts. A simple click, a simple share is all we are asking from you. Maybe somehow, somewhere it would get result.

#hodgkins lymphoma #non hodgkins lymphoma #lymphoma #survivor #cancer #cancersurvivor #gofundme

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never-lock-the-door · 4 years

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I realize I haven’t posted in a while so here’s my re-intro.

Quick intro- My name is Chika and “professionally speaking”: I’m a PhD student doing research in Japan on alternative food networks and gender but “greater: this is my dream”: I’m on the quest to design food (eco)systems that uphold the dignity and respect of all beings involved.

I spend a lot of time, a lot! identifying injustices and flaws in our current food system, but it’s also been fueling my imagination for what is possible when we think about building an alternative system. Recently, I read an article by a farmer who eloquently articulated the collective loss that farmers are burdened with when it comes to farmers’ markets. It reminded me about the summer I spent working 2 farmers’ markets where every weekend a group of 10 of us loaded, unloaded, and reloaded towers of white crates filled with stone fruit all over southern California. On the “front of house” end, we had a beautiful cornucopia of colors and a sweet aroma that filled the air as people flocked to eat the many samples we endlessly cut. Something I observed from the consumer end was that me saying “don’t panic, it’s organic!” was all they wanted to hear regarding the 10+ varieties of stone fruit we carried. It felt a little disappointing as I and others were open to sharing more knowledge about the fruit, who grew it, where it was grown, etc.

On the producer/vendor side, I had fun building friendships and bantering with the other farmers/vendors at the farmers markets. However, the teasing and laughs masked the exhaustion and almost hopeless feeling that this was the only way to make a viable livelihood outside of the more conventional system where farmers are bound by contracts with large scale chain grocery stores. Collectively speaking, it doesn’t make much sense for individual farmers to foot the expenses of driving, setting up, tearing down, selling, throwing away food loss and spending thousands of dollars each month to distribute their produce. It feeds into the individualistic notion that you are along in the fight to succeed because we believe its the only way to survive… it’s what keeps capitalism thriving.

But does that have to be the only existing reality? What if we expanded beyond the individual? What would it take to build a brick and mortar or a communal space founded by farmers and centered on the farmer?

Living in Japan has opened my eyes to different possibilities as many structures are already built with a collective mindset. In Japan, there’s regional investment towards infrastructure building with their roadside stations and direct markets. It takes the farmers market concept and eliminates the loss and burden that I previously mentioned by allowing any farmer, hobby farmer, kitchen gardener to come and unload their produce to be sold and bought by anyone. You lose the people connection that some people yearn for at the farmer’s markets, but it serves as a convenient access point for both consumers and producers. Instead, there are signs that depict the producer’s name and sometimes their picture is there as well! The women farmers I interviewed rely on graphic designs to boost their marketing to stand out at these direct markets. The Japan model seems like it would be the solution to the problem I stated above… so why doesn’t it exist everywhere?!

Well for one, understanding context is critical. Roadside stations and direct markets are typical to Japan’s rural areas where populations are shrinking and aging. As people age, they will eat less, consume less, and cook less. The role of the farmer as we currently see it will diminish and head towards extinction. In urban settings of Japan, the questions point to who is going to buy and cook with fresh fruits and vegetables? Many big box grocery stores have shrinking fresh produce sections and growing prepared food sections.

We all must eat and drink every day. But who has the time to buy, cook, and feed each other?

There’s studies that say that people in lower income brackets spend more money on food outside the home than inside. Working multiple jobs means you spend that much more time in transit from one place to another and by the time you get home and realize there are multiple hungry mouths to feed… it makes sense to order, stop by the drive thru, or eat out. Here, individual consumers are left to struggle on their own- their struggles are siloed similar to the farmers selling at farmers’ markets. In both situations, and within the greater capitalist system, food is treated as a commodity.

What is a commodity?: it’s a good or material that can be bought and sold freely as an article of commerce.

In the above examples, food- is a good or item we sell, buy, consume through an economic transaction. That transaction can hold a variety of both positive and negative externalities: food coming from industrialized agriculture is polluting environments and destroying rural livelihoods in places we’ve never been to. Positive externality could be the satisfaction and positive health benefits we have from interacting and socializing with the farmers/vendors at the farmers markets.

While the farmers markets serves as a tangible means to economically support the farmer, what if we didn’t treat food as just a commodity but saw it as the medium through which nourishment and joy could be abundantly shared.

Okay that sounds abstract, but our relationship to food is complicated. It holds so many meanings.

We use food for celebration and ceremonial traditions. People explore love and relationships over food. Food comforts us in times of pain, sickness, and struggle. Sometimes food is seen as just fuel/input to curb your hunger so you can keep working- although if this were really the case then why hasn’t the industry for liquid iv bags skyrocketed? This is why I think food rooted in joy and nourishment holds potential for the greatest number of beings and therefore there is room for vast transformations in designing or reclaiming practices where food can be the center of sustainable resource management.

This is just a hypothetical or a fun thought exercise I go through in imagining what that design could look like. As of Jan 10, 2020 (first full moon of Gregorian calendar and last one of the lunar calendar) these are some brainstormed ideas.

A community space that feels welcoming to anyone where interactions can be had with people who are passionate about what they are doing and eager to share their knowledge with you. I’m using Japan as an example but imagine the ease and convenience of conbini (convenience stores) (theres no air of exclusivity or bouginess because it is literally everyone’s giant refrigerator/pantry. So combine with the friendly conversations and insights you receive from your favorite wholefoods cheese monger~ this is the kind of ambiance I’m imagining. (side note: Recently in Japan, there’s a courageous Osaka 7-11 store manager who is fighting against the strict rules of the corporation as he makes humane adjustments (closing on Japan’s biggest holiday or not being open 24 hours). We need more people like him in this world.)

A space that offers infrastructure for small scale producers and sustainable ag practitioners to share their harvests and where various eateries/pop ups/restaurants/canteens can feed and heal you (the trend of markets with a wide variety of food stands is way more satisfying than the 50 pg cheesecake factory menu), and co-learning and teaching spaces. I’m not sure that the concept of a full-time job makes sense for the future but perhaps automation can “hopefully” give people the inevitable push to find different passions and pursue side hustles- Maybe it could be the chance for a re-emergence of teachers and creators. The space should be functional: maybe its 10 people get together and meal-prep for their entire week; meal-prep where you don’t have to eat the same thing for the whole week! Sustainable resource management has to be done on a larger scale than just individuals going zero waste. We need to be building infrastructure and setting up policy to support systems design. I want a space where food is the vessel that holds stories, memories, and joy. People who were blessed to grow up with kitchens where there was constant action and lively movements could relate to such feelings.

This sounds pretty idealistic and I’ve seen similar models but they are often only catered to mostly the “glamping class[1]”… But I believe that with the right team of people to reimagine something different, commitments from different stakeholders, and a huge influx of capital, it doesn’t seem like such a far-off dream. What small thing can I start with that helps build towards such a greater vision?

Being a grad student provides the opportunity to trial and error and meet different people doing similar things. I’ve been hosting weekly dinners after our graduate seminars using produce from the farm I used to live at: it’s a fun way to bond and get to know one another but logistically speaking it’s not the most self-sustaining. For example, I’ve never been able to find a replacement when I’m too busy… is that poor leadership on my end? Maybe. but also it could mean that it’s not a shared priority per se even though every time I’ve hosted there are people who come and join.

Last week, I had the pleasure of visiting a group of alternative farmers, some of who were active in the student protest movement in the 1960s. Their activism catalyzed their decision to choose farming as a medium to “walk the walk”. In other words, organic farming was an evolvement of their freedom of expression since the student uprise of the 1960s served as a platform raise their voice and speak their minds. The connections and friendships that developed during that time were critical for the foundations of Japan’s alternative food movement known as teikei. It became a natural fit for woke producers and consumers to come together to support one another to share food that was grown with love, care, and strong values. While the teikei model continues to decline and face possible extinction, I continue to be amazed by the friendships and close connections people share and support systems that they are building with one another. Maybe that’s what’s missing nowadays- deep connection and friendship.

I know I have a lot of ideas all the time but nothing will come of it or last without love and friendship. I don’t know if I’m currently doing what I’m supposed to be doing- but I am grateful for the many different people I have come to meet along this journey. I hope to continue deepening my friendships and love with the people that care about where our food comes from and how we share it with one another.

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Location: Hino, Shiga Prefecture.

[1] Glamping: glamorous camping: often falls to millennials and gen x who are willing to pay a little less than luxury hotel prices for a comfortable outdoorsy experience. They are often looking to get away from the mundanity of urban life.

the foundation of the perfect food system needs love and friendship. いい食と農のシステムの基盤には愛と親密さが必要 I realize I haven't posted in a while so here's my re-intro. Quick intro- My name is Chika and “professionally speaking”: I’m a PhD student doing research in Japan on alternative food networks and gender but “greater: this is my dream”: I’m on the quest to design food (eco)systems that uphold the dignity and respect of all beings involved.

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kacydeneen · 4 years

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As Life-Saving Cancer Drugs Run Short, Patients Suffer

The nurses and doctor swarmed into the young patient's room, grabbing and pulling as they worked. Out came the IV. In came epinephrine and hydrocortisone to keep his heart pumping.

The drug in Eliot Hayes' IV was supposed to help cure his cancer. But in this moment, it was killing him.

Soon after the medicine had started pumping into his veins, Hayes felt something was wrong. As he lay in bed, face growing redder by the second and throat quickly closing, a three-word whisper escaped his lips: "I can't breathe."

The medical staff worked quickly. Less than a minute after the episode began, the 18-year-old felt sick, but he was alive.

Eliot Hayes had just suffered anaphylactic shock as a result of an allergic reaction to one drug used to treat his B-cell lymphoblastic lymphoma. It was clear he needed another option.

Another drug, Erwinaze, was the answer -- if only the hospital could find enough of it to treat him.

Jazz Pharmaceuticals, the Ireland-based company that sells and distributes Erwinaze, alerted doctors and patients in September that one of its batches had been contaminated by "particulate matter" and was in short supply.

"How is it possible? Why is there a shortage? What is going on?" Sophie Hayes, Eliot's mother, recalled thinking when she was told the treatment for her son would have to be delayed.

The Hayes family, from Wayne, Pennsylvania, experienced first-hand a problem that doctors say is too common and worsening: shortages of childhood cancer drugs, exacerbated by the dwindling number of suppliers and problems in production.

"It does make us nervous, knowing that if there is just one supplier of a given medicine, any hiccup or disruption in manufacturing would lead to a shortage that would affect patients," said Dr. Spencer Mangum, a pediatric oncologist at Nemours/Alfred I. duPont Hospital for Children in Delaware, where Hayes is being treated.

For Some, Shortages of More than 8 Years The pediatric chemotherapy drug vincristine grabbed headlines when Teva Pharmaceuticals stopped manufacturing it in July, a move the U.S. Food and Drug Administration described as a "business decision." That left Pfizer as the sole manufacturer and caused the FDA to declare a shortage.

Teva Pharmaceuticals did not return requests for comment.

Mangum called vincristine an "an essential component to a lot of the backbone of a lot of our therapies." He added that his hospital has enough of the drug to last through the rest of the year.

Other drugs, like the Erwinaze needed for Eliot Hayes' treatment, have been in short supply for years, Mangum said.

At the request of Congress, the FDA recently studied 163 drugs that had been in short supply. Its report said drug shortages have been increasing and lasting longer, in some cases more than 8 years.

One reason is older drugs on the market, with generics that are less valuable to drug makers. Another is problems with manufacturing or product quality, which led to 62% of shortages in the drugs the FDA studied.

The "product quality problems" that have contributed to the current Erwinaze shortage have also been blamed for past shortages.

In a scathing January 19, 2017, letter to Porton Biopharma -- the Salisbury, England-based company that makes the Erwinaze distributed by Jazz Pharmaceuticals -- the FDA excoriated the company for repeatedly failing to act on violations that led to contaminations in its manufacturing facility.

"These repeated failures demonstrate that management oversight and control over the manufacture of drugs at your facility is inadequate, and that your previous corrective actions did not address persistent contamination hazards and drug quality issues," the FDA's letter read.

In a statement, a Porton spokesperson said the company has since changed some suppliers and introduced "new components" to ensure quality. The spokesperson said Porton has resolved the "historical issues" that the FDA identified and that "subsequent inspections have satisfied the regulatory authorities."

However, the spokesperson did not provide an answer about what led to the latest contamination of one of its Erwinaze batches.

For its part, Jazz knows "it's critical to improve reliability of supply" and is working to help Porton Biopharma "overcome its manufacturing issues," said Andrew Civers-Davis, Jazz's director of global corporate communications. Civers-Davis added that Jazz is working to make Erwinaze more available and is developing other drugs to address the worldwide shortage.

He acknowledged, however, that "Until the manufacturing issues are resolved by PBL, we do expect intermittent shortage and stock out of supply through the end of 2019 and into 2020."

Rationing Life-Saving Drugs Shortages can have an especially devastating effect on childhood cancer patients.

The FDA report noted that about 90% of children diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia, the most common type of pediatric cancer, are curable. However, the agency added, most of the drugs used to treat this form of leukemia are older. Between 2009 to 2019, nine out of 11 of those drugs were "in and out of shortage."

When shortages occur, they can create a host of problems for patients and hospitals, which are forced to compete with one another. In these instances, competition comes in the form not necessarily of who can pay the most money, but "who can get in line quickest and who can grab that stock," Mangum said.

"It becomes like a rat race for who is going to have stocks to actually protect the kids," Sophie Hayes said.

This reality creates a dilemma because hospitals must order drugs ahead of time based on the need for existing patients and estimates of future patients. These medical institutions, then, have to make sure they have enough of a drug to provide care to their own patients while trying to ensure they don't overstock knowing that other hospitals and patients are also in need, according to Mangum.

Worse yet is the effect on patients like Hayes.

"Unfortunately, there are times that we have to resort to rationing of chemotherapy medicine," Mangum said.

"That's a really difficult decision to make, and it's heart-wrenching to have to have those types of discussions," he added.

The fear is that "patients with curable cancer might not be cured simply because the drug wasn't available," he said.

In Hayes' case, he had to wait about three weeks between when he found out he needed Erwinaze and when he actually got "lucky" and received his dose, his mother said. The only reason he finally got the medicine was because another patient had an allergic reaction.

"The unhappiness of somebody is what becomes your happiness," Sophie Hayes said.

But by this point, so much time had elapsed that Eliot Hayes had to be administered two treatments of Erwinaze back-to-back, meaning thrice-weekly doses for four weeks instead of the normal two.

After each dose, ammonia in his body continued to accumulate, a side effect of the treatment. He continued to feel worse. But because he had waited so long, he had to skip the usual month-long break between treatments and trudge ahead.

By the time the third treatment began, the ammonia running through his veins landed him in the intensive care unit for three days, where he was put on a regimen of laxatives and fluids. "The whole point was to try and flush the ammonia out of my blood," Hayes said.

He recovered, but the ups and downs of his treatment have taken their toll.

He's different than he was when treatment began earlier this year. In the first month of treatment, Hayes recalled, he was eating about 7,000 calories a day and still lost about 40 pounds, the muscles fading from the soccer player's legs. His once-slim face became swollen and his full head of hair disappeared.

"I started to not be able to recognize myself in the mirror at one point," he said. "I've had moments where I've felt like I literally can't do anything. I just want to sleep the whole time."

In a cruel twist of fate, the Erwinaze shortage almost forced him to go back to the first drug that almost killed him. He would have had to be administered the medicine in small doses over six hours in the intensive care unit, medical staff at the ready, hoping that he didn't go into shock once more.

He and his mother wrestled for days with the decision, but in another stroke of luck, Nemours procured more Erwinaze.

Other patients, however, aren't so lucky. According to the Jazz Pharmaceuticals website, its Erwinaze is "currently out of stock," and the FDA is grappling with how to prevent such shortages.

The Food and Drug Administration Safety and Innovation Act, passed in 2012, requires drug manufacturers to notify the FDA whenever they make moves that might cause a shortage. However, the law only does so much and the FDA, in its recent report, acknowledges that more needs to be done.

Among the proposed solutions include the incentivizing of companies to make less profitable drugs, creating a system that rates drug manufacturers on their quality management to incentivize them to make improvements and lengthening expiration dates on medicines to ensure shortages aren't exacerbated by the tossing out of drugs "because they exceed a labeled shelf life based on unnecessarily short expiration dates."

However, it remains unclear how, if, or when those proposals may be put into practice.

In the meantime, patients like Hayes remain trapped in the current system.

The teen's life has been upended by the cancer, but he hopes to bounce back. This year, he had to forgo his acceptance to Durham University in Newcastle, England, in order to receive treatment. Given the circumstances, the university agreed to defer his acceptance.

By this time next year, he hopes to be studying science at Durham. His mother hopes to move with him "at least at the beginning."

Whether Sophie Hayes is out there or not, the family is heartened. They've heard the hospital in Newcastle has a good oncology department, and Hayes' treatments will continue.

But he's conscious of another grim reality: he's struggled through the Erwinaze shortage and he'll possibly have to struggle again. For the next two years, treatment will require vincristine -- if he can get it.

"Not knowing that it might not be available is quite worrying, and it's frustrating as well," Hayes said.

Meanwhile, his mother is already thinking of how her son and family will traverse the road ahead.

"We tend to go through life planning, hoping for the best, and then adjusting," Sophie Hayes said.

This story uses functionality that may not work in our app. Click here to open the story in your web browser. As Life-Saving Cancer Drugs Run Short, Patients Suffer published first on Miami News

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ouraidengray4 · 6 years

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Which Alternative Cold and Flu Remedies Actually Work?

Sneeze in a room full of family, friends, or coworkers, and you're bound to receive buckets of unsolicited cold and flu remedies people swear by—assuming they haven't put on their gas masks and run away.

Given the ineffectiveness of this year's flu vaccine (although it’s still worth getting—here’s why) and that forever-elusive "cure for the common cold," many of us have found ourselves turning to some combination of Grandma's home remedies, health food stores, and integrative health specialists for help. But even as we're meticulously dosing ourselves with vitamins and herbs, we'll be reading the latest headlines about scientific studies indicating it's all snake oil.

EDITOR'S PICK

Who should we believe? Is there a Big Pharma conspiracy out there, or are alternative medicines just another product in a for-profit system? If I think my favorite homeopathic cold medicine makes me feel better... can't I just trust my anecdotal experience?

"I don't think mainstream medicine is looking to be proactive," says Deepa Verma, M.D., AIHM, an integrative health physician, says of the mainstream approach to cold and flu viruses. "They're reactive—they just wait for things to happen and then treat it. That's what I was taught in med school."

Natasha Bhuyan, M.D., the district medical director of One Medical in Phoenix, Arizona, explains that unfortunately, money often plays a role in whether traditional doctors recommend alternative medicine.

"Doctors can't often endorse these treatments as there is a lack of trials and research on them," she says. "This is simply because funding a research trial is super expensive. It would be amazing if there were a lot more funding support for alternative treatments."

In many instances, alternative treatments may be as effective—perhaps more effective—than mainstream approaches. However, these treatments generally don’t receive the same kind of funding for high-quality clinical trials, so we can’t know for sure about their efficacy.

Where Science and Integrative Health Agree

Verma bases her practice on her own analysis of published research—and most of what she prescribes for her patients revolves around boosting their immune systems.

One of the supplements she recommends for immune system health is vitamin D (yeah, you may have thought we were going to say C—we'll get to that surprisingly controversial vitamin later).

"I live in Florida, and the number of people who are vitamin D deficient here is staggering—so you can imagine what it's like in people in the Northeast or Midwest," she says. "Studies have shown that vitamin D is very powerful in boosting immunity and preventing cancer, and also helping with a host of other things like heart disease, obesity, and diabetes."

Because the FDA doesn't regulate what goes into supplements, Verma said the best bet for patients is to get pharmaceutical-grade supplies straight from an integrative health specialist, naturopathic doctor, or other medical professional. She often administers her supplements via IV, so the active ingredients bypass the digestive system and enter the bloodstream in purer forms.

Want more? Why Are People Scared of Flu Shots? Reactions and Side Effects How to Treat the Flu: Remedies and Prevention Tips Does Vitamin C Really Help Prevent a Cold?

Verma also relies on established knowledge about how our immune systems sometimes fail us. The thymus gland, for instance, is where the body produces disease-fighting T-cells, but it naturally atrophies with age. An age-old remedy for treating the gland involves consuming the thymus glands of calves, and some current studies support this practice in the form of a supplement, which is derived from the same source but thankfully doesn’t involve actually snacking on a literal thymus gland.

The liver produces the antioxidant glutathione (GHS), which helps us fight infections but depletes naturally as we age. Reduced levels of GHS are associated with upper respiratory tract issues. In hospitals, when patients have overdosed on Tylenol, they’re given N-acetyl-cysteine (NAC), a glutathione precursor, to replenish their GHS. Studies have shown that NAC has also helped HIV patients and postmenopausal women improve their immune function, and some studies have shown it to be effective in fighting influenza. That’s why Verma often administers glutathione infusions after an IV.

Elderberry, aka sambucus nigra, also appears promising. This plant (when processed to eliminate naturally occurring cyanide) has antiviral properties and has been shown in multiple trials to be moderately effective in preventing people from catching the flu and colds, and failing that, in shortening their length.

Bhuyan is optimistic about Pelargonium sidoides, an ingredient in Umcka, a common natural cold medication. "There have been two fairly good randomized studies that show this can reduce the severity of symptoms of the common cold and acute bronchitis," she says.

"This is an herb that has been widely used in South Africa and Europe. Early lab studies show it has antibacterial and antiviral properties, in addition to giving your immune system a boost. However, in medicine, we are always seeking more evidence (i.e., multiple, super-strong trials with thousands of patients). But I still recommend this, as it's safe to use and has good early data."

Remedies Science Isn't So Sure About

Headlines about the efficacy of vitamin C fluctuate about as much as those for red wine, eggs, and coffee. The latest verdict from the National Institutes of Health on vitamin C is that it's an important antioxidant, and adults should consume about 75-90 mg a day, preferably from food. But they say it's not the miracle cure for colds and flu.

"There are fascinating studies on vitamin C," Bhuyan says. "A large analysis of 29 trials showed a small reduction in the duration of cold symptoms, but only in adults taking regular vitamin C (200 mg a day). It didn't really show a benefit for people who start taking it when they feel a cold coming on."

The results have been similarly disappointing for echinacea and colds. But when you go to the research on the immune system, both vitamin C and echinacea seem to do some good work. That's the research Verma pays attention to when she formulates her IV fluids in a combination called Myers' Cocktail, after a doctor who developed the method in the 1960s. When someone comes into her office feeling cold or flu symptoms, she typically uses about 25 grams of vitamin C, plus trace minerals, B vitamins, and glutathione.

"I take all those articles and I just compare them," she tells Greatist of what she does if the latest studies cast some inconclusive doubt on certain supplements. "I look at how the research was done. If they're inconclusive, I just do more research. If I can pull more articles that are saying it's more beneficial than not, then to me, that works. When I'm doing these treatments with my patients, I do check in on them a few days later, or they send me a text or email and tell me they're better or didn't come down with the flu."

After administering her Myers’ IV, Verma sends her patients home with echinacea, thymus extract, and two more ingredients with ambiguous science behind them: medicinal mushrooms and astragalus root.

The National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health (NCCIH) says the research on Chinese herbal remedy astragalus is sparse and poorly conducted—which doesn’t mean that astralagus isn’t a good supplement, it just means we don't know yet. Studies on various medicinal mushrooms seem quite positive so far—particularly in terms of its antiviral properties in the face of influenza—but very few have been conducted. As Bhuyan notes, it seems there just hasn't been enough money used to look into these naturally available ingredients.

What No One Is Recommending: Homeopathic Medicines

Coldcalm and Oscillococcinum are two brand-name homeopathic medicines widely available in stores. I load up on them every time I feel like I'm getting sick, and I feel like they keep me healthy or shorten my illnesses. But there's a huge chance that's all in my head.

A review of six studies of Oscillococcinum, which is derived from duck heart and liver but diluted down to one percent, found that the only evidence that this treatment shortens the flu came from a possibly biased study. The idea behind homeopathy—that an almost undetectable amount of a thing that's similar to what is making you sick will activate your body to get well—has been met with a lot of criticism, and manufacturer Boiron has been sued for its claims. At the same time, Bhuyan doesn't tell people not to use it.

"It's up to the patient if they want to use this product and spend the money," she says. The benefit of this medicine might be (read: probably is) a placebo effect, which is another way of saying that our minds can make us feel better too—at least a little bit.

"There is definitely validity to the placebo effect," Verma says. "When you think of something, it can manifest. That's why we encourage people to do meditation and think positive thoughts. When you have positive thoughts, you're releasing chemicals into your body that boost your immunity. That mental aspect goes hand-in-hand with the physical aspect. But your thoughts only go so far."

How Can We Make These Decisions?

Read up! Most of this research is available online, after all.

"Patients should feel empowered to read medical studies themselves and discuss them with their doctors," Bhuyan says. "When reading a medical study, here a few questions to ask yourself: Who funded this study and could there be some bias? Is the study well-designed, with enough patients and a control group? Were the end results actually meaningful to my life?"

Sure, these make for dry reading on a sick day—but you can always balance it out with a few hours of streaming Riverdale.

Sabrina Rojas Weiss lives in Brooklyn, surrounded by her fellow freelance writers and competitive stroller-pushers. Follow her on Twitter @shalapitcher.

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sick-kun · 6 years

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Sick-kun Chronicles: ch.5

I didn’t want to write this today, but fuck it. I reread all the other chapters for the first time in a long time and it inspired me to fix 5. It’s been so long since I’ve written in that style, so I felt my first drafts of 5 and 6 felt forced. 5 doesn’t feel forced anymore. So here ya go

Chapter 5 aka MORE TIME SKIPS >Alright, so its been a year and change since the events of chapter 4.5 (currently writing this on Feb 12th, 2018) so im gonna just give you guys the important shit for Ch.5 and admit im a liar and give you a ch.6 just so it makes more sense >March, 2017 >Things have been getting more Rocky Balboa between D and S >I rarely see D since she recently got a good job working for a cruise company as a sales woman. I'm focusing on finishing up school, since I was close to getting my bachelors and now working internships and time consuming porjects. >at most, have seen her 3 times since 4.5, but everytime we're still all playfull and flirty between each other >feels bad/good man >One Thursday night, im sitting sitting in my room playing HOTS because im a huge faggot and I love bad games >For the sake of immersion, my rooms changed a bit. I still have my big ol bed, but got rid of the headboard so its pretty much just a matress on wheels, for the sake of making space. Plus I have a desk for my computer and 2 monitors. Nightstand still there, so is the dresser. >Lets continue >I'm running through ranked, but stuck in Silver Hell because I love bad games UNTIL >Random call from D. Random because at this point, she only calls me in case of emergencies. >"Hey anon, whats up?" >I can hear from the background noise that she's either at an event or a restaurant, so its got me curious to what she's calling me for. >My clackity clacks (Fuck I love mechanical keyboards) stop so I can find out >"Hey D, im just STUDYING at home. whatre you up to?" >she doesn't need to know about my bad gaming habits >"I'm at a bar with my coworkers, I've been talking about a smart friend all night and they want to meet you. And I miss you anon, so come?" >its been a while Snake, huh? >Im a little conflicted >Brain: "...you're so close to gold, play ranked instead faggot" >Solid Snake:"GO GET PUSSY FAGGOT" >They both have valid arguments >"Yeah D, one second, I'll head over now" >Never makes it to gold >Get to the place where the bar is and D meets me outside. about a 40 minute drive from my house and I hate going to areas where I'm unfamiliar of where I'm at. >She immediately comes up to me and pulls me to her like a Thresh hook once I find her >(fuck you, I like mobas) >Its been a while since ive seen her, so her same scent and warmth all came back to me. >lust guage appears on screen >Bar is packed, sportball is going on >We hug and she leads me by the hand to meet her coworkers, her smiling the whole time >5% >We get to the table and I get to meet her 3 coworkers. 2 chicks on one side of the table, both fat and unnatractive, and one dude on the other side who looks like he’s in his mid twenties, but I immediately start getting beta vibes from him >I'm an alpha now, I can sense those >Spoiler: he's a beta. Not a threat, he has a longtime gf >3% >I let alpha anon take over when i introduce myself: firm handshakes to beta worker, kisses on the cheeks to ladies. I entertain them with funny banter and conversation >Holy fuck I was bored. The only reason I was even trying was to make D happy, but she was, so I didn't mind too much >Join them for a round of shots, have a beer, and just shoot the shit with them >UNTIL >"Hey anon, ill be right back, let me go get S" >S WAS COMING?? >Brain:"WHAT?" >Solid snake:" fuck nigga" >ugh, not a surprise, but just unexpected. I dont want to deal with her >So S gets there with a friend(1/10. No personality. Most likely reading this story) and as S sits down she gives me that petty white girl hand wave. I could tell she was thinking "Hi bitch" when she did it >I smile back and said "Hi" >I had all the capacity to flip the table on her >I didn't flip the table on her. > I regret it >S and her papermate friend join in on the convo with us at the table, and funny enough, D and S are not getting along >Coworkers dont really know whats going on, papermate has been sitting in her seat wordless, and S and D are throwing Russia v. USA level passive aggression towards each other >I'll best you today, thot >S glares at me every few seconds >Casually make eye contact and don't break until she looks away to argue with D >Not today >decide to diffuse this three-way loathing by asking D where the bathroom is. Atleast to give a break from this uncomfortable tension >D ends up walking me towards it to also take a breather. Obviously, she's stressed. >I take a quick piss and wait for D outside the bathrooms >Important to note: D at this point was drunk. She was already tipsy when I got there, but she wasn't "Let me down this bottle of vodka" drunk, but more like "Anon could've been ranked gold right now but i made him come here to watch me argue with my gf, so let me drink that away" drunk >As im waiting, I hear something from the women's bathroom going on >D and S come out of the bathroom arguing, and D pushes the shit out of S >DID S FUCKING FOLLOW US TO THE BATHROOM? >TO JUST START A FIGHT WITH D IN THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM?!? >Yes >I come between them and seperate the cat fight before it happens. Papermate continues to do a great job as a useless background character as this happens. >D is telling S to just leave her alone and I don't bother getting involed in what the fight was about, it just wasn't the place or time >Thank God the bar was full of people watching sportball, so no one really noticed what was going on >situation relatively diffused >I walk outside with D. Her coworkers were outside to get away from the noise inside, plus the 2 coworker chicks were leaving >Im outside with D, and S is inside with papermate, who im now starting to like to write about >We stay talking with beta coworker outside, who for the morst part is a pretty nice guy, but I still get the vibe that he wants D. D wants friends so I'm not surprised she doesn't notice his offhand vibes. >Beta Coworker:"Hey D, you wanna come over by my place and smoke?" >D:"sure, but only if anon can come" >50% >I go, knowing im not gonna smoke since i wasnt in the mood, but just to be around D since she's stressed and I don't trust Beta coworker >I drive D and head towards beta's house. The entire idea made me unhappy since this nigga lives by my neighborhood >Which means I just drove 40 minutes to a bar, to then drive back around my area, and then drive back to that bar to drop off D at her car, TO THEN DRIVE BACK FUCKING HOME >oh yeah, S left with papermate. I like Papermate >D and I head over to beta's house and gossip like girls and talk shit about S >More so me talking shit about S >We stop by a nearby gas station to get some Dutches(the best bluntwraps) for the weed-ing >We step out of my car and D immediately starts holding my hand and grabbing onto my arm. The whole "interlaced fingers and head against my shoulder" and all >HNNNNNG.jpg >We get inside just like....it was a really warm feeling. We walk up to the clerk, still hands laced, and I ask for the Dutches. >Clerk smiles through the whole transaction >Clerk:"you two are a lovely couple" >HNNNNNG.mov >Me: "Thank you" >69% >We walk out of the station and get back in my car, where D grabs my hand again >I look at her and give her hand a squeeze, just trying to comfort her. I know where the position I am in her life is...and its so confusing. I could just stare into her eyes and be happy that I actually made her night a little better, because imagine if I didn't go. She would be stuck with beta, would've gotten into a fight with S that could've ended worse, and....yeah lets stop >I know its random, but looking back, I don't hate V. I was jealous of her back in highschool because she was with the person I wanted to be with...but now is different >I have genuine disgust for S >and yet >its funny, you ever think one of your favorite memories is just holding hands with someone in a gas station, getting complimented by the clerk saying that you two look like lovebirds? >it was like a glimpse into the future? or maybe, just a moment I wish I could've froze in time >oh yeah, D and I are still making eye contact. I was lost in thought then(like now)....but her eyes are OP and always bring me back to consciousness >Please nerf her in the next patch >My hands move almost by instinct and brush her hair out of her face, then run along her jawline >75% >My brain:"Kiss her" >Solid Snake:"Kiss her" >I kiss her >I lean in and my lips meet hers. Time can go by between her and I, but damn, it still felt as good as the first time I kissed her >Her lips were tender and soft. I've missed this feeling and I could't help but want her moar >What started out as lips touching quickly turned into tongues being reacquanted...She knew my every sensitive spot, and you're darn skippy I knew hers >Things got hotter. I went for her lips for a light bite, not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to hear her breathing heavier >Her thighs shuffle and point towards me, the sound of the leather seats in my car giving it away >Is it just me or is making out in the front seats always kinda awkward? >She started to suck on my tongue, teasing me every second by moving it deeper into her mouth. I pulled back every so often, just to hear her let out little moans of satisfaction when I licked her lips >I reached for her hips and pulled her a bit closer to me, her left leg now nearly completely over the shift(awkward positioning, told ya). My fingers moved now to her thighs, and even through jeans, I could feel how soft they were >Her breathing got heavier and her moaning was more constant, just more fuel for me to run my hand closer between her thighs >My penis is adamantium >95% > D's hand makes it way towards my lap >96% >Seems her hand was looking for something it wanted....can't guess what >and im so tired of this story trope, but I'd be a liar if I said it didnt happen.... >HER PHONE GOES FUCKING OFF >I SHOUL'VE THROWN THAT COCKBLOCKING CUNT OUT THE WINDOW YEARS AGO >mfw I realize this story is about me vs a cellphone >but honestly, I was out of it at this point mentally, not by the phone call, but by what I felt. My boner was at the point of going even further beyond an ascended super saiyan, but fuck, I never thought a phone call would be the reason I wanted to commit a murder >Yeah, its fucking S >I try not to listen, but I catch bits and pieces and figure it out from D's replies >"Ummm Anon....I want to go home soon. like really soon" >"What happened? whats wrong?" >I knew, but I asked, just to see if it would help with the situation >"...S is worried about me now over the fight...I need to go talk to her. Let's still stop by beta's house to smoke...I just want to calm down before I speak to her" >10% >That distressed voice that I've been so accustomed to hearing >It still fucking breaks me >"umm yeah but D, what about your car?" >"Ill go get it tomorrow in the morning..." >0% >Lust guage dissapears off the screen >i guess this is where the older me takes over. I wish I could tell you every detail of how pissed I was, but I just felt the younger me took control and let waves of calmness wash over me . >I didn't want to yell at her for going back to some fucking idiot who has no respect for their significant other. >I didn't want to stress a situation not involving me directly with my own feelings >I didn't want to be selfish at that moment, I just wanted to help her through it >"well if you want to go...then yeah...lets go" End Ch.5

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