#you are all incredible and I have heartburn now what the fuck are you kidding me

[milo-is-rambling]

Ignoring my emotions and going to try to sleep. If that doesn’t work I will write poetry about my shitty fucking feelings and then try to go to sleep. If that doesn’t work I’ll take my sleepy time cough meds and try to sleep if that doesn’t work I will simply be miserable until morning

#i accidentally got cold fucking water against my sensitive ass front teeth which I never do but now my tooth is pulsing #like girl stop don’t make me hate water i will literally kill myself #cold ice and ​water is the only consistently good thing I have in my life at all times thru everything there has been ice water #do not make me hate it I will be so mad universe so you hear me. back off the fucking ice water I cannot lose this very good for me vice #okay I can feel the hit I just took settling in alright I am going to go try to daydream and then sleep goodnight goodnight to all my #(very few) followers and thank you for caring about my brain even in the slightest #you are all incredible and I have heartburn now what the fuck are you kidding me #universe evil as hell #-_- #I feel nauseous literally what the fuck I just want to sleep #imagine the pixel-ly 😫 guy falling apart rn yknow that gif I love that’s me rn #anyways I am going to turn my phone off my but I just a random wave of nausea as I’m settling into bed that’s rude as hell actually #body being mean I just want sleep #god I’m so annoying actually why do any of y’all put up with me what the hell you guys are incredible I love y’all fr #kissing u all on the forehead and passing i the joint #u

[lemonpeter]

All For Him (Perfection)

“A cute prompt where Peter wants to go to prom really badly but MJ dumped him recently and Ned is going with Betty so he feels like he can’t go. And flash makes fun of him for being a loser with no date to the prom. So Tony offers to take Peter just to fuck withFlash and they end up being the center of attention obviously and they’re having fun and suddenly they both have an ‘oh’ moment and realize they’re in love and they kiss snd it’s very sweet.”

My prompt fill for @starkerfestivals Fall event 💕 I’m actually really happy with this piece and I hope everyone else enjoys it as much as I do!

Warnings: brief alcohol mention, brief mention of after prom expectations, Peter is 18 (it’s mentioned mid-fic), it’s 99% just fluff I promise

————

Ah, prom season.

Tony couldn’t say that he really remembered his own, if he even went. He had been...what, fifteen? The only thing on his mind at that point had been finishing high school and getting to MIT. Everything he did to piss off his dad came later.

So he probably hadn’t gone. But he was sure that things were different now, anyways.

Elaborate promposals, themed dances, after-parties that rivaled his college days.

Anyways. He hadn’t thought about school formals in- god, decades, probably. Like most people with some sort of life aspirations, he hadn’t thought about it since leaving high school. But it hadn’t even mattered to him then.

But it mattered to Peter, still in school.

Freshly heartbroken, sweet, perfect Peter.

Tony couldn’t believe that anyone would break up with someone like Peter. He was the type of person that people fought over, not someone that got broken up with.

But he had been broken up with all the same. He tried not to act like it bothered him, but he wasn’t good at hiding things like that.

Tony saw the way that his fingers twitched when he grabbed his phone, wanting to text something to MJ. He noticed how Peter’s gaze lingered on a window display of suits advertising ‘It’s Almost Time’. And he saw the tears that filled Peter’s eyes when they witnessed a - incredibly cheesy, unnecessarily extravagant - promposal outside of someone’s building.

And he knew that he would have to do something about that.

———

“Mr. Stark, I can’t,” Peter told him, sighing heavily. “I just can’t. I would look so stupid if I went alone. And it’s too late to ask anyone, everyone already has their dates.”

Not that anyone would want to go with him anyways.

“What about your friend? You know, Fred,” Tony teased, like he didn’t know his name. It was an ongoing joke, so Peter knew he actually did know.

Peter sighed again, resting his forehead against the table. “He’s going with his girlfriend. Betty. I’m pretty sure I already told you this.”

“Right, right. You couldn’t just tag along with them?”

Peter’s head shot up and he made a face. “I am not about to be a third wheel. That’s so embarrassing. And lame. I don’t need extra reasons to be made fun of.”

“Extra?” The older man frowned as he watched him. “Don’t tell me that’s still going on.”

“It’s been a thing since I was in sixth grade, Mr. Stark. It’s not going to stop until graduation, apparently.” Just a few more months away. Thank god.

Tony hummed softly, tapping a finger to his chin. “Well...I mean, that’s not gonna work. You want to go. So you’re going to go. But-“

“I can’t go alone!”

“I was getting to that,” Tony chided. “Don’t interrupt me. If you can’t go alone. But none of your peers are still available. Or up to standards,” he joked lightly. Then he paused for dramatic effect before finishing his thought. “I could just go with you, Peter.”

Neither of them spoke for a moment after that, just taking the words in.

Tony felt that it had been innocent. Just an offer so that the kid would feel okay going to his dance.

But from the way Peter instantly blushed and glanced away, he wasn’t so sure it was received that way.

“What? Would you be embarrassed by me?”

Peter shook his head quickly, eyes wide. “What? No! I just...can’t imagine that you’d want to go. To a high school prom. With...me.”

Tony watched him, eyebrow raised as he listened. “I can’t say that it’s really my scene, but if I’d go with anyone I’d want it to be you. But I’m just going this so you can go and not feel weird, right? And maybe you can show that asshole Flash up.”

The young man was silent for just a moment, obviously thinking it all through.

Tony loved how he could practically see all the thoughts and outcomes swirling in Peter’s head.

Then he nodded slowly. “Okay. Yeah. You can go with me.” He smiled a bit. “We’ll need to buy you a ticket. And make sure you don’t do anything weird,” he joked lightly with him.

The older man scoffed. “Me? Weird? Oh, quit. We can either be the center of attention or we can blend in with the crowd. I can go with the flow. Whatever you want. I’m not weird...”

Peter laughed, genuine and relaxed. Definitely feeling better.

Tony was just glad that he could help. And if he got to make the kid laugh and smile at him like that? He would have done it again a million times. “So it’s a deal?”

“It’s a deal,” he agreed, nodding. “We’ll work out plans later. I’ll...text you?” He asked it as a question because he didn’t want to overstep.

Tony waved a hand. “You text me about everything else, of course you can message me about this. No biggie.”

Nodding, Peter smiled to himself. “Okay. Okay. I’ll gather all the details so we can both be completely prepared.” A pause. “Thank you, Mr. Stark. This...really means a lot to me.”

“No need to thank me. Because I just want you to be happy.”

A smile from Peter. “You’re the best.” He grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. “Thank you, Mr. Stark. I’ll text you!”

“Okay, kid.” Tony watched him leave the garage, smiling to himself. He knew that he was way more excited than he should have been.

But Peter just made him like that. He didn’t want to read too much into it. No use thinking into what he didn’t want to discover about himself.

———

He hadn’t heard from Peter for a couple of days and he was a bit worried that he finally scared the man off.

Until he got a large number of sudden texts.

‘Hi Mr. S’

‘*Stark’

‘I got the prices for tickets. It’s kinda a lot so I understand if you don’t want to go’

It was cute, Peter really seemed worried that the tickets would be too expensive for him. But he figured that the younger man just stuck in the mindset that money was always tight.

‘They’re $60 each’

‘I can cover mine, don’t worry’

‘And I still need to rent a suit since the one I have is old’

‘And depressing’

‘But I’m sure you have a suit! So you don’t need to worry about that’

‘Unless you wanna wear a dress. I wouldn’t judge’

Tony chuckled at that. That was always an option, but he figured he would go more traditional if Peter wanted to blend in.

‘But yeah. Just wanted to get back to you about that. Since it’s next week we probably need to make final plans and all’

Smiling to himself, Tony started typing a message back.

‘Ticket prices won’t be a problem, I’ll drop by your school and pick one up later today. And I can handle getting you a suit, no need to rent one that god knows how many other people have worn.’

He watched the dots that signaled Peter was typing. Then they disappeared and he was a bit worried that he overstepped some sort of unspoken boundary.

Then he got a phone call instead, Peter’s adorably awkward contact picture filling his screen.

Of course he answered instantly, putting the phone to his ear. “Yes? I thought your generation hated phone calls, why am I getting one?”

A giggle from the other side. Tony grinned at that, ignoring how his heartbeat sped up ever so slightly at the sound. It meant nothing. He probably had heart issues and should get that checked out.

“Because it’s easier to call and talk things out than to text it all,” Peter told him helpfully.

He was looking through his closet, glaring slightly at the one suit he owned. He didn’t like it, for obvious reasons.

It was his funeral suit. It was also the suit he wore to homecoming his sophomore year. Not good memories. But he knew that suits were expensive and Mr. Stark liked going overboard.

“Were you serious about getting me a suit? Because really- I can just rent one. It’ll be okay. It’s one night.”

Tony made an offended noise. “Absolutely not. I’m getting you one. No date of mine will be showing up in some overpriced, used-“

“Date of yours? It’s my school dance, Mr. Stark,” Peter said flatly. But he was obviously smiling on the other side of the call.

“So? You’ll be with me, you’ll be fitted in the finest thing possible. Come by the tower tomorrow and I’ll have someone here to fit you for a suit. Custom. It’ll be perfect.”

Peter sputtered out a weak argument, but no real words really formed. “No- I can’t- you-“

“Absolutely no arguing with me. This night is going to be perfect for you. In every way.”

A moment of silence and Tony could only imagine the pretty pink blush that was on Peter’s cheeks. No, not pretty. Just-

Yeah, pretty. Sue him.

He was thankfully torn out of his thoughts when Peter cleared his throat before speaking again. It almost sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

It definitely wasn’t out of the realm of possibility.

“Thank you, Mr. Stark. This...it means a lot to me. That you want to do this with me. And that you’re willing to make it....”

“Perfect,” Tony finished when he trailed off. “Come on, I know this is important to you. Of course I’ll do everything I can to make it good.” He smiled to himself, ignoring the fuzzy warm feeling in his stomach. Damn heartburn. (Right, that’s what it was.) “Thank you for calling. I’ll pick up tickets later, then schedule a tailor to come by tomorrow to fit your suit. Sound good?”

Yeah, that was definitely a choked sob he heard. “Sounds good,” whispered Peter before abruptly hanging up.

Weird kid.

———

Everything had gone smoothly. Tony got their tickets and immediately handed them off to Pepper so they wouldn’t get lost, Peter was fitted for his suit and it was made perfectly, a beautiful bouquet of flowers was purchased, Tony made reservations for dinner, and he had a backup travel plan if Pepper convinced Peter that going in the iron man suit was a bad idea.

And then the night finally arrived.

Peter was nervous. And excited. Mostly excited with a little dash of nervousness.

He couldn’t help it. He was finally going to go to prom, the event hyped up from the time he was in elementary school. Seen in every teen movie, show, anything. Prom was obviously important. And he was definitely one for following important life milestones.

Even if they didn’t quite go as planned.

For one, he had been dumped by his girlfriend just before he was going to ask her to go with him. So that sucked. Then he waited and found no one else to go with. Until Mr. Stark stepped in. Which was an adventure on its own.

God, he was on an emotional roller coaster, up and down and upside down and-

Actually, the roller coaster was a pretty good analogy for what he was feeling. He had a weird fluttery feeling in his stomach, but he knew he was excited and couldn’t wait for what came next.

If only he knew what it meant.

He vaguely heard May open the door and he sucked in a sharp breath, doing a quick last check in the mirror.

He thought he looked good, not to brag. The suit was way more expensive than he even cared to know, but he thought it looked amazing. Sexy, even. The awkward, ugly prom suit stereotype was something he was glad to avoid.

His hair was in its natural curls, hanging loose and slightly messy but in what May assured him was ‘a cute way.’

Maybe it was simple. But it made him extremely happy.

So with that, he made his way out to the living room, unable to help the grin stuck to his face.

May covered her mouth with one hand, the other over her heart. “Oh-“ she walked to him, quickly pressing a kiss to his forehead. “You look so good. Handsome boy.” She smiled at him, gently brushing back his hair.

Peter blushed, laughing softly. “Thanks, May.” He glanced over her shoulder, cheeks flushing even darker when he saw Tony.

The man looked great.

Not that he didn’t always.

He looked like he was going somewhere way nicer than a high school prom. He looked so dapper, perfectly put together.

Peter couldn’t believe that the man had actually put all that effort in for him. To make him happy.

Mr. Stark really must have cared about him.

Then he noticed the huge bouquet of red and white roses that the man was holding. He had no idea how he had missed it in the first place.

He slowly stepped out from May’s touch, shaking his head to make her stop playing with his curls.

She made a sound of protest, but crossed her arms and moved to stand to the side.

Tony smiled fondly at Peter, expression conveying more love than was probably appropriate. Not that he would admit to it. He held out the roses, handing them over to Peter.

“I thought you’d like these,” he murmured, biting back a grin. “And it felt like an appropriate gift, given the circumstances.”

Peter nodded weakly, seeming in awe. He really couldn’t believe any of it was happening to him. It really was looking like the perfect night. He smelled the roses, smiling to himself. “They’re...amazing. Thank you.”

May took them from him, chuckling. “I’m gonna need two or three vases to fit all these....” she sighed, smiling. “But before I do that- ground rules. You.” She pointed at Tony. “I expect him home some time tonight. I say by...three. Not that you two will be attending any sort of party afterwards, that’s still the curfew.”

Peter opened his mouth to protest but closed it again. There wasn’t a point, it wasn’t like they’d be going anywhere after the dance. It wasn’t like they were an actual couple. They were going as friends. Friends didn’t have the same sort of after-prom expectations.

“Okay,” Tony agreed. “I’ll have him home by then, no worries.”

“Good. Next, if you do anything that embarrasses him or gives him a bad reputation these last couple months, I will hunt you down and kill you myself,” she threatened.

Tony snorted to himself, but nodded. “Of course. I’m just following his lead, he’s in charge here.” He winked at Peter quickly.

Peter shivered at that. He wasn’t quite sure what the older man meant with the action. He was in change for the night? Did he just mean because it was his prom or was there some other meaning he wasn’t aware of?

He couldn’t decide. So he just laughed a little and nodded.

“Right. That brings me to my final point,” May told them (but mostly Tony.) “Remember your relationship. He’s eighteen, Stark. Don’t do anything foolish in public that will bring bad press around either of you.”

Tony nodded instantly, but he felt like he was lying to her. He didn’t like that at all. “Of course. I wouldn’t even dream of making him look bad. And Pep has dealt with enough bad press from me, I don’t want to make things tougher on her.” As though the situation didn’t already look odd. “You don’t need to worry. Everything is going to be smooth, I won’t fuck anything up.”

May huffed. “You always seem to fuck something up. So your word doesn’t mean much. But you’d better keep to that. I don’t want to wake up to tabloids with the front picture being you groping my barely-legal nephew.”

“No problem, ma’am. Things won’t go south. Have some faith in me.”

“No.”

Tony huffed a laugh. “Okay. Fine.” He watched Peter, shooting him a sly smile. “Ready to go?”

The young man nodded, beaming. He went to Tony’s side, biting his lip as the man held his arm out. So he gently held onto his arm. “Bye, May. We’ll be- well, I’ll be back later. Love you!”

The woman laughed softly. “Have fun, Peter. But not too much fun, okay? And try not to just watch MJ all night.”

Oh, that wouldn’t be a problem. Peter already knew that if he was going with Mr. Stark, he wouldn’t have to worry about pining after MJ. Even if he didn’t want to think too much into why that was.

“I won’t, don’t worry. Love you, byyyyyye!” He called, trailing the last word as he left the apartment with Tony and closed the door behind them.

And with that, their night began.

———

Dinner was just incredible. Fancier than anything Peter had ever been to, for sure. But being with Mr. Stark somehow made it feel casual.

They left the restaurant and got back into Tony’s car - Peter had vetoed just being carried while Tony flew in the iron man suit.

Being in the fancy car, going to a school dance, was a bit too reminiscent of Homecoming and wrecking Flash’s car on the way to the Vulture’s lair. At least he wasn’t driving. And he was determined that he’d actually be staying at this dance.

Tony seemed to notice how he spaced out and hummed, gently setting one hand on his leg with the other still on the wheel.

Peter’s head jerked up at the action, eyes wide. “Huh?”

The hand was pulled away and Tony smiled weakly. “Sorry. Didn’t really think that one through. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He cleared his throat. “Having second thoughts?”

“What? No. No second thoughts. Thinking about....” he winced, shaking his head. “Just- really glad this time there’s no chance of my date’s dad trying to kill me.”

The older man laughed at that, a bit taken by surprise. But he was glad that Peter wasn’t having second thoughts. “Yeah, absolutely no chance for that. Don’t worry.”

They rode in relative silence after that, listening to whatever Tony had playing through the speakers. Some band that Peter probably knew the name of but would purposely get it wrong anyways.

Then they arrived at the venue. Tony parked the car, raising an eyebrow when he saw the ride next to them.

Peter easily identified it as Flash’s and had to keep Tony from ‘accidentally’ denting the door when he opened his own. That wouldn’t be okay, bully or not.

So Tony refrained from causing any harm to the vehicle, going to the passenger’s side and opening the door for Peter. He then held his arm out, smiling fondly at the young man.

The night was theirs.

Peter knew that Tony would have followed his wishes to stay under the radar and blend in, but sometimes it wasn’t up to them.

They were seen as soon as they stepped into the doors, whispers erupting throughout the room.

“There is no way,” someone nearby hissed.

Peter wished that his super hearing would calm down. He didn’t want to hear everyone’s disbelief at who he was there with. But he couldn’t really control that.

Then he heard the voice he absolutely dreaded. “Hey, Penis Parker!” Called Flash.

Peter couldn’t see him, but he even sounded smug. “What do you want?” He asked tiredly.

Flash materialized, leaning his elbow on Peter’s shoulder.

The other man tried to pull back, wrinkling his nose at the alcoholic smell coming off of Flash. The night had barely begun, that was fast.

“So,” he addressed Tony. “Is this like a charity thing? Taking a poor loser to his prom? Because-“

“Excuse me?” Tony sounded genuinely offended. On Peter’s behalf? Huh. “It’s not any sort of ‘thing’ other than taking my friend and colleague to an event. Because some people, like Peter here, can actually win their dates over with incredible personality.”

Flash started sputtering an apology, moving away from Peter. “Look- I didn’t- I- it was just a joke! Me and him are friends, we can joke like that!”

Peter gave him a look, lips pressed together. “I...no. Bye, Flash. Stay mad,” he commented, grabbing Tony’s hand and pulling him away.

Tony just wrapped a gentle arm around him, leaning in close as they walked away. “Cmon, ignore everyone else. We’re here to have some fun, right? Let’s dance.” He grinned, pulling Peter out onto the floor.

Everyone already knew that they were there. Why try to hide? They were going to have fun and everyone was going to know it.

Tony grabbed Peter’s hands, doing an odd little dance with him to whatever the song was. He couldn’t recognize it, he just knew that it had a fairly danceable beat.

Relief flooded him when Peter started to relax. His eyes no longer darted around at the stares and whispers and instead he was focused on Tony.

They danced, probably looking completely silly as they wiggled and spun each other to the music. But Peter was enjoying himself. And that was all that mattered to Tony.

As the song faded out and another one started playing in, Peter laughed, the sound clear despite the loud background.

Nothing else mattered. All that mattered was their little bubble of perfection. He and Peter. No one else.

The young man’s hair was tousled, curls loose since he had decided not to gel them down. He looked like an angel, soft and happier than Tony had ever seen him. As happy as he deserved to be all the time.

Peter deserved perfection and nothing else. Tony was just glad that he could contribute.

Then a slower song started and Peter awkwardly pulled away. “We can...sit this one out. It might be weird if we did this one. Just friends and all....” he didn’t look at Tony, eyes on the floor.

The older man watched him, slowly holding his hand out. “Peter, we can do this if you want to.”

The young man’s silence, but hopeful look towards the hand told him all that he needed to know.

“Will you dance with me, Peter?”

God, Peter’s heart was beating way too fast. But he was going to dance with Mr. Stark. And not how they had been before- this was intimate. Close. Something for- for lovers. Not friends, like they were.

But something in him desperately wanted it to mean more.

So he slowly looked up again, taking his hand and allowing himself to be brought close.

Tony smiled at him, expression soft and loving and definitely going to give him away. But he found that he really didn’t care. Not anymore.

He held Peter against his chest gently, swaying to the delicate crooning of the lyrics of whatever song was playing. He didn’t care what it was. All he cared about was Peter.

It was all about Peter.

The young man looked up at him, cheeks flushed lightly. He looked so beautiful. And happy. Everything he deserved.

“Mr. Stark....” he said quietly, heartbeat picking up.

“Please, call me Tony. It makes me feel incredibly wrong if you keep calling me Mr. Stark,” he murmured, still holding onto him and watching him.

“What do you mean? Wrong?” Peter asked, confused.

Tony sighed softly. “God, Peter. I shouldn’t tell you this. I shouldn’t be- okay. Okay. I can do this.”

The younger man could hear how his heart started racing.

“You’re...perfect. In every way. And doing this with you was a bit selfish on my part,” Tony started. “I know I just wanted to make sure you could come here and have fun. But being like this with you? I like it. Too much.” He started to let go, but Peter didn’t let him.

“Tony,” Peter said softly, beaming up at him. “Oh, I’m so glad I’m not alone.”

Tony wasn’t sure how to take that. Was it about the dance? Or what?

But he didn’t get much time to ponder it before Peter was leaning in and kissing him.

Oh.

The kiss wouldn’t have been anything special, it was little more than a peck in reality. But the fact that it was with Peter. His Peter. That made it special.

They broke apart only seconds later, both smiling big before leaning in for a second kiss.

“I love you,” Peter whispered, tucking his face into Tony’s neck.

Tony smiled to himself, swaying to the song again as he kept holding Peter. His Peter. “I love you too.”

And everything was perfect.

#bri speaks #starker #peter parker #tony stark #tony x peter #peter parker x tony stark #my writing #starkerfestivalsevents #starker fic #starker fluff

[skullrock]

the campers, chapter five

chapter five - the disappearance 

series summary: Steve gets a job as a camp counselor at Camp Know Where, intending on using the summer to discover himself. When things start to go wrong at camp, the only people that can help him are the Party, Hopper, and his mortal enemy - you. [Enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort]

chapter summary: You struggle with your feelings for Steve; something sinister lurks in the woods.

warnings: swearin’!

word count: 5.7k (I know this is ridiculous but I do not apologize...)

a/n: the is The Chapter folks! you can catch up on the series here! a big thx to the catsluts for beta reading this and instilling confidence into me when I thot this series was going to die by my blade I love u

===

The next day is a Monday, and you have a two hour break between lessons. You head to the lake with Steve, intending to learn how to play the coveted Kayak Ball.

“Do not splash me.”

Steve quirks a brow. “Or what?”

“I’ll flip your kayak.”

“You don’t have the muscles -”

You move quickly, splashing him with your paddle. Steve laughs, splashing you back.

“This isn’t what I was promised,” you say. “I was promised a game involving a ball.”

Steve twists and grabs the ball he’d brought - red, slightly smaller than a dodgeball - and holds it up with one hand. “This is the ball we use.”

“And you just… hit it with the face of the paddle?”

“Yep.”

“Doesn’t seem so hard.”

“We’ll see,” he beams. “Paddle back a bit.”

You do, creating a distance between you two. “C’mon, Harrington, let’s go.”

Steve throws the ball in the air and whacks it with the face of his paddle. It spins towards you, and you hit it with the paddle, almost like it’s a baseball bat. Steve drops his paddle and catches it.

“Jesus Christ, it’s not a bat.” He puts the ball down and lifts the paddles again. “You use the momentum it has to just tap it with the paddle.”

“I’m not good at this,” you frown, putting your paddle down.

“You tried once.”

“And I know my limits.”

“Here,” he says, paddling towards you quickly. He positions his kayak beside yours and reaches out for you. “Let me show you.” He leans far, balancing himself and the kayak while wrapping his arms around yours. When his hands come over yours to show you how to hold the paddle to tap the ball, your heart speeds up.

And you realize that Steve has really, really nice arms.

And nice hands.

And he smells really incredible.

Your stomach flips, a heat spreading from your chest up to your face, shading it pink. You stop breathing momentarily as Steve lifts your arms, showing you how to face the paddle towards the ball.

“Like this,” he says quietly. “And then you just - tap!”

“Oh.” You feel tense, because Steve’s breath is on your neck, and it tickles, and wow, hey, that feels good, actually,and oh, shit, it should not feel good.

Steve leans back into his space, brows furrowed. “Are you okay?”

You turn to look at him, but you’re caught up in the little freckles that move down his jaw and to his neck. Steve leans forward. “Y/N?”

You shake your head, relaxing. “Oh, sorry. I was just thinking.”

“About how cool Kayak Ball is?”

You think quickly. “About how it would sound better if it was called Paddle Ball.”

Steve scrunches his nose. “That’s already a thing.”

“Is it?”

Steve smiles and shakes his head. “Guess nerds can’t know everything.”

You splash him with your paddle again, head still reeling a bit from the odd realization you had when his arms wrapped around yours. You want him away from you - he’s too close right now, and you’re starting to notice the blonde highlights in his hair. “Let’s try again.”

“You sure? I’m probably going to beat you, anyway.”

“Let’s go, Steve!”

He flashes you a smile and paddles away, allowing you to swallow down the thoughts you just had.

You felt absentminded the rest of the game, continuously messing up, trying not to look at him. You were at war with yourself, trying to understand what the hell just happened. Maybe Steve was attractive - there’s no harm in that, right? It seems like basic knowledge to everyone else at camp, so why can’t it be basic knowledge for you? Admitting that he’s cute doesn’t mean anything, right? Or does it? Are you still in some odd competition with him? Would you have lost if you liked him? Oh, God, do you like him?

“Hey,” Steve calls. “Are you okay over there?”

Your eyes had focused on the water instead of on Steve. You look back to him. He’s frowning, looking at you with concern.

You shake your head. “I’m just thinking about stuff. I’m sorry.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot, too,” he admits, resting his paddles. “You don’t have to be sorry.”

“What have you been thinking about?”

Steve smiles and looks down to the water. “How happy I am here.” He looks up. “How happy I am that we’re friends.”

You can’t stop the blush that rises. “And why are you so happy that we’re friends?”

“I don’t know,” he says, shrugging. “I guess I just think we get along really well.” He pauses. “Well - now we do.”

You smile softly. “Yeah, I think we do, too.”

You both stare at each other for a while, just smiling, before you realize what you’re doing. You check your watch and sigh. “Shit, I’ve gotta go to my next lesson.”

Steve clears his throat and looks away. “Oh - yeah, me too. We’re taking a hike today.”

“You sure you can handle that?”

“Probably not.” He points to himself with his thumbs. “I’m definitely outta shape.”

“Shut up,” you hiss. “You’re in perfect shape.”

“You thi-”

“Have you talked to Mia yet?”

Steve tenses slightly. While he’s very interested, something just feels off about seeing someone at camp. It’s a bit convoluted, he thinks - what’s he going to do when camp ends? He doesn’t just want to make out and leave. He wants more than that. And he’s not super sure if he’s going to find that with someone here. Still, he had talked to Mia at breakfast, and they agreed to have dinner together. She was beautiful - dark skin, dark hair, charming eyes. So he doesn’t know what his apprehension was.

“We’re having dinner tonight,” he responds, voice a bit stiff.

“You mean sitting together in a crowded cafeteria?”

Steve huffs. “I’m not sure what else there is to do.”

“Take her for a walk,” you suggest. “At sunset. On the lakeshore. That’s romantic.”

He shrugs. “I guess.”

“When was the last time you talked to a girl?”

Steve’s chest twists. “It’s been a while.”

“Just give it some time. She thinks you’re cute. It’ll work out.”

You start to paddle back to the shore, and Steve calls out to you. “See you later?”

“Sure!” you call back. “As long as you don’t get lost in the woods!”

Steve wonders why you always say that, but he realizes it actually is quite on the nose.

===

You didn’t expect to have an identity crisis over Steve Harrington, but here you were.

You pace your dorm that same night before heading to dinner, talking to yourself out loud. “He’s just cute. He’s cute. That’s it! Thinking he’s cute doesn’t mean I’m attracted to him.” You take a deep breath. “He’s just cute.”

But it didn’t help that Steve had changed so much. You couldn’t even call back to the memories of him being an asshole, because they weren’t relevant anymore. Well, they were, but you can’t hate the present Steve for it. He’d obviously gotten better. He was a dork, he was funny, he was kind, he smelled like pine and berries and -

“Shit!” you sigh, falling onto your bed. You press the heels of your hands into your eyes, as if it would erase him from your memory.

You hear a knock on your door and another counselor, Brooke, pokes her head in. “You comin’ to dinner?”

You sigh and sit up. “I guess.”

“What’s your damage?” she asks. “You look hung up on something.”

“Nothing,” you say, standing and grabbing a jacket from the closet.

“You’ve been so upset this year. Is it because of Steve?”

You whip around to face her. “It’s not because of Steve!”

Brooke holds her hands up in defense. “Christ, okay. Then what’s it about?”

You pause, the fire in your eyes dimming. “Does - does thinking someone is conventionally attractive mean you like them?”

She scoffs. “What? No. You can say someone is cute but not like them.” She walks around you and sits on your bed. “But who is it?”

“Brooke -”

“You gotta tell me. It’s the rules.”

You sigh heavily. The cabin had made a pact that they’d tell anyone about their crushes - and all that got you was everyone talking about Steve. Now you’re thinking about Steve just like they are, and it gives you heartburn.

“They go to another school,” you say slowly.

“Cut the shit,” she says. “Is it Josh?”

You freeze - Josh! He’ll do. “How’d you know?”

Brooke beams. “I just know. You guys have this cute little love-hate relationship.”

Love-hate. It makes your stomach turn. “You got me.”

“C’mon,” she says, standing and taking your arm. “Let’s go to dinner and spy on him.”

In theory, it was a good plan - but you knew you’d be looking at Steve the whole night.

===

By the end of the week, you feel like the crisis has been averted. Mia and Steve were eating meals and spending their free time together, and the distance put between you two helped. You chalked it up to your brain going crazy over nothing, anxiety grasping at straws. You were starting to feel happy for him and Mia, who seemed to be having a good time together.

Steve sits with you instead of her Friday at lunch, though. Outwardly he passes it off like it’s not a big deal, but he knows he’s fucking up. He just needs some separation is all, and he hadn’t seen you in a while. He just wanted to catch up - that was it. Nothing wrong with that, right?

“How was your week?” he asks. “Do anything fun?”

“Not really,” you admit. “What about you?”

He shrugs. “Been okay.”

“Just okay?” you laugh. “You and Mia seem to be having fun.”

He stiffens just as he did on the lake. “Yeah, it’s been good.” He clears his throat. “So - I took the kids on a hike Monday.”

“Right, how’d that go?”

“Really great,” he says. “We found a really nice waterfall and the water’s deep enough to swim in.” His eyes light up. “We should go!”

You pause. “Yeah, sure. That sounds… fun. When?”

“Are you free tomorrow?”

“I am,” you say slowly. “Uh - should Mia come?”

“She’s got a project to do with her class. Is that okay?”

No, you think. You’re afraid of being alone with him again, afraid of the feelings coming back. “It’s cool.”

“What about two? It’ll give us time to sleep in.”

“Let’s meet at the fire pit,” you say, collecting your things. Your anxiety was creeping back in, face flushing. “Two o’clock.”

“I’ll see you then.”

As you walk away, Steve watches. He’s not sure what his deal is, but he really likes hanging out with you. He’s not sure if it’s relief from making amends with you, or something else. He just knows he enjoys your company - maybe even a bit more than he enjoys Mia’s.

He shakes that thought out of his head, though, and goes to gather his things. But the kids suddenly appear, slamming their trays down in an array around him. Suzie’s accompanied them, acclimating well with the group.

“Hey, lovebird,” Dustin says, smiling.

Steve’s stomach churns. “Don’t call me that.”

“It’s nice to see you with a girl that likes you back,” Max says. Steve glares at her, but he knows she’s just kidding.

“Can we talk about anything else,” Mike groans, and El swats his arm gently, shushing him.

“What’s her name again?” Will asks.

“It’s Y/N,” Lucas responds casually, beginning to go ham on a jell-o cup.

Dustin and Steve both freeze. Steve’s blood feels cold in his veins and his eyes widen. “What?” he asks hoarsely.

Lucas looks up, mouth full of jell-o. “That’s her name, right? The one you were just sitting with?”

Steve feels sick. “No, I’m seeing Mia.”

The table goes silent, and Max kicks Lucas under the table. He throws an arm out, apologizing to her with his eyes, and Mike almost cackles. He doesn’t for fear of retribution from El.

“Sorry,” Lucas says, turning to Steve. “You guys just hang out together a lot.”

“Yeah, we’re friends,” Steve says defensively.

“Had me fooled,” Lucas shrugs.

Max turns to him with wide eyes. “You are so tone deaf!”

“What? Am I wrong?”

Everyone’s quiet, because he isn’t. It seems very obvious from their outside perspective that Steve is into you, except he isn’t. Or maybe he is. He can’t really unpack that right now.

“Gotta go,” Steve mumbles, grabbing his tray and heading off. Dustin gets up, patting Suzie on the arm to tell her I’ll be right back.

Dustin catches Steve just outside. “Don’t listen to them.”

Steve runs his hand through his hair, the other resting on his hip. “I don’t - I don’t want people to think….” He can’t bring himself to finish the sentence.

But Dustin understands. “Do you?”

“What? No,” Steve says quickly. “We’re just friends, Dustin, honest.”

Dustin nods. “Then don’t worry about what they think.”

Steve runs his hand through his hair again. “I’ll try. ‘m gonna try to find Mia.”

“Good luck, my liege.”

Steve rolls his eyes, but smiles softly. He extends his arms for them to do their handshake, starting to giggle about halfway through. He gently punches Dustin’s shoulder when they’re finished. “You mean a lot to me, dude.”

Dustin grins toothily. “Go get your girl.”

Steve salutes and walks off, but his good mood falters. He considers cancelling your plans tomorrow, but pushes past that. You’re just friends. You’ll always be friends. A simple hike and swim tomorrow isn’t going to change that.

===

The next day is gloomy, but it’s good for hiking. The air is cool on your bare arms as you and Steve head off into the woods, small bags in tow.

“It’s about three miles in, so I hope you don’t mind a hike,” he says, rolling his shoulders to adjust the straps of his bag.

“That’s the point of this, isn’t it?”

He rolls his eyes and elbows you gently. “Don’t forget swimming.”

“Did you find it yourself?”

“Yeah, but I’m sure I’m not the first person to find it,” he explains. “We don’t have waterfalls in Hawkins, so it’s pretty neat.”

“You sound easy to please.”

“I am,” he grins. “Can’t you tell?”

“Do you live by the woods?”

“Oh, God, yeah,” he says. “My backyard is lined with them. It’s kind of all there is in Hawkins.”

“Do you like them?”

Steve goes quiet, remembering all the bad that’s happened in them.

“I’ll take that as a no,” you say.

“They can be… intimidating,” he says, choosing his words carefully. “These woods aren’t like those ones at all.”

“How so?”

“Well,” he starts. “These ones are brighter. More welcoming. The trees aren’t too thick, so the sun can come through. It’s easier to see through them.”

“Scared something’s hiding there, Stevie?”

He blushes at the nickname, but he frowns. He stares straight ahead and avoids the question. You glance at him and then back at the trail, the silence not bothering you so much. You just appreciate the company, even if it makes you anxious.

Eventually, you both come across a clearing, a waterfall and swimming hole centered in the middle, surrounded by trees and rocks and moss. It was beautiful, and you whisper, “Holy shit,” out loud.

“Pretty nice, huh?” Steve smiles.

“You’ve really outdone yourself.”

He smiles over at you and you head to it, putting your bags down. Steve takes his shirt off, rolling it up and shoving it into his bag, keeping his shorts on to swim in. You divert your eyes from him as you peel off your own shirt and shorts, leaving you in a bathing suit.

Steve stares, and you blush heavily. “What?”

He blinks. “I feel underdressed.”

You sigh in relief and fold your clothes. “That’s your fault.”

You both get in, gasping the entire time because the water is so god damn cold, and wade for a while to get used to it. The cold water brings you to your senses a bit, and you feel more comfortable with him. You smile cheekily at him and say, “It’s nice to be somewhere that we can actually splash each other.”

His eyes get wide. “Don’t splash my hair.”

“Why? Don’t want the product to run out of it?”

He whips his arm and splashes you with water, making you gasp and shout. You rear up to splash him back, but he lunges for you, pulling your arms down.

“Don’t,” he laughs, tugging on your arms before pulling away. “I’ll sue you.”

“Your dad has a good lawyer, huh?”

It’s a low blow, but it only slightly hurts. “Of course.”

You both talk and wade for hours, the water slowly starting to feel warm on your skin. The clouds hang heavy in the air, but the atmosphere is light around Steve. He does some stunts for you, like front flipping off of a peak, and you clap sarcastically for him. He stops after a while, resting in a shallow part of the water as you float in the deep end.

“Steve?” you ask.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?”

He laughs, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Are you still having nightmares?”

He stills and frowns. “No, I haven’t had any.”

You’re silent for a moment. “Do you usually have them?”

“I do when I’m at home.”

You’re quiet again, the sound of the water taking up the silence. “It sounds like a lot of bad stuff happened at home.”

Steve can’t help but to laugh, as it’s the understatement of the century. You frown at him, and he shrugs. “You could say that.”

“Do you want to talk?”

“It’s okay.”

“Well, I’m here for you.”

“I just don’t get it,” he says after a moment, pulling himself out of the water.

You furrow your brows and laugh. “What don’t you get?”

“How you’re so nice to me.”

You laugh again, confusion etched on your face. “Am I always an asshole or something?”

“No,” he says quickly. “I just… after everything….”

You frown and swim to him, resting your forearms on the rock he’d climbed out onto. “Do you want me to be an asshole?”

“No. I just - I deserve… you shouldn’t be nice to me.”

You pull yourself out now, sitting beside him, frowning more. You look at him for a while, pulling your knees up to your chest. Finally, you whisper, “You said you don’t remember.”

“I don’t,” he says softly, staring at the moss that stretched up the cold stone. “I just... don’t remember.”

You feel anger bubbling in your gut. “How don’t you remember?”

“I remember some things.” He’s quiet for a moment. “I remember one time I tripped you and you fell on the gravel. I remember that your blood was so red. I remember feeling so bad, but I made my friends laugh, and that was more important to me.”

You turn to him, pointing to a long scar on your knee. “You did this that day.”

He stares at it for a long while before looking up at you, tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

You soften a bit. “What else do you remember?”

“I remember when Tommy stole your clothes from the pier. I remember telling him to stop, but he asked me if I was a pussy, and I didn’t want to be… so I just. Let him do it.”

“That sucked,” you say. “That really fucking sucked.”

“I can’t even imagine,” he says, so quietly that you can hardly hear him. He shakes his head slightly. “Everything else I remember doesn’t matter. I don’t know if it’s from concussions or what. I just… try so hard to forget who I was. But it doesn’t work.” He sniffles. “Because I know… I know that I did those things. And I’m sorry I can forget while you have to remember.”

It’s quiet for a while. You absentmindedly trace your scar with your index finger, brows furrowed hard. It’s odd to feel like this around him - like you’re mad, but you’re not. Because you have a memory that you kept, buried deep down, because you didn’t want to remember the good he did.

But he did good things.

“There was one time at night,” you start. “We were playing tag. And it was so pretty. The sky was pink and the fireflies just started to come out.” You look at him. “Do you remember?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

“It was stupid,” you say, starting to smile. “The game, I mean. We all kept cheating because we didn’t want to lose. We’d say that we weren’t actually touched when we were. It made the game complicated.” You press your lips together for a moment. “And then Tommy… he just. Shoved me.” You mimic it, how hard he pushed at you. “And I fell right on my face in mud.”

Steve’s tense, his hands clenched into fists, holding the fabric of his wet shorts within them. You can almost see a vein popping out of his temple, his jaw clenched so tight, and you want to reach out and smooth it. But you continue.

“And I was so pissed. I could have murdered him, Steve. And I wanted to cry, because I had mud, like, everywhere. And I felt so dumb and stupid and - it hurt, you know? But then you came out of nowhere when Tommy ran away.” You pick at some grass, growing through a crack in the stone. “I thought you were there to finish me off. But you took off your shirt, and you cleaned me up. Best as you could, with a dry shirt.”

Steve turns to you quickly, his features softening. He furrows his brows and shakes his head slightly in disbelief.

“It’s true,” you say. “It happened. And I just stared at you, like, what the hell are you doing? But you kept cleaning me up. And you kept asking if I was okay, and you kept saying you were sorry. And I thought that was so weird, because you didn’t do it. You could apologize for Tommy, but not for yourself.” You smile sadly. “Maybe because it was Tommy and the others the whole time.”

“No,” Steve says. “It was me. I did those things.”

“You did,” you agree. “But you didn’t have… y’know, pure malicious intent. Because you’re good, Steve Harrington. Right to your core.”

Steve doesn’t understand why you’re saying this. Why you’re coddling him. Why you’re making excuses for him. He’s felt shitty for so long, about everything - about high school, about being a shitty boyfriend, about being a child bully.

“I don’t… you - I don’t deserve this,” he says weakly.

“Maybe not.” You smile slightly. “But I’ll still say it.”

He looks back at the moss, shoulders relaxing, and you can’t help but to reach out for him. You lace your fingers through his and squeeze, like you did at the bonfire and on the shore. You bring it close to you, resting it on your knee, your hand still locked in his.

“What matters is that you’ve changed,” you say. “And I know you have. Everyone knows you have. You’re not who you used to be. And, yeah, you’ll always carry that person with you. But they’re only a fraction of what you are now. And you’re good now. You’ve always been good… you were just… misguided.”

“I don’t deserve this,” he repeats, and you elbow him gently.

“You deserve every good thing. You’re sweet and kind and caring, and you’re funny, even if you’re dumb sometimes.”

He looks at you, giving you a tear filled smile. “Yeah, I’m pretty stupid sometimes, huh?”

You lean into his side, squeezing his hand once more. “Only sometimes. You’re smart in your own way.”

A silence stretches over you two again. You feel so comfortable here, in the silence with Steve - his warm hand in yours, soft and smooth and big, your side nuzzled into his. It should scare you, but it doesn’t. It just feels right.

Steve wants to tell you everything. He wants to tell you about the last three years - about having his ex girlfriend’s best friend die in his pool, so he can’t use it anymore; how he almost died because some dickhead tried to beat him to death for standing up for a kid; how his ex girlfriend called him bullshit and left him for someone he was told not to worry about; how he was drugged and trapped in a secret Russian base under his part-time job. He wants to spill it all; he wants to hear your words of encouragement, soothing his wounds like aloe. He wants to hear you call him brave, and strong. He wants to hear a lot of things from you - and it’s scary, but good. He knows he can���t, but he wants to, and it kills him.

Instead, he decides to share some things he does remember with you.

“I remember some other things,” he says. “Good things.”

“Like?”

He smiles. “You used to wear your hair in those pigtails with pink scrunchies.”

“God,” you laugh. “Don’t bring that up.”

“And you would laugh so loud.” He laughs with you. “You could hear it from the other side of camp.”

“It’s still loud,” you say.

“It’s nice,” he says. “You used to be so quiet except for your laugh. I always liked it.”

You pull away from him slightly, narrowing your eyes at him. “No way.”

“Yes, way,” he says. “I always wanted to -” And he stops, staring at you, smile faltering.

“Always wanted to what?”

“Y’know,” he whispers. “Be the one to - to make you laugh.” He quirks his brows and shakes his head, looking down. “I don’t mean it like that.”

You want to ask him “like what?” so desperately, more than anything - but you stay quiet, averting your eyes as well. Steve unravels his hand from yours, leaving you feeling cold, and he clears his throat.

“I told you, I remember a lot of insignificant things,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck.

You quirk your head. “Memories of me are insignificant?”

He looks at you, shocked. “No. Memories of you are some of the best I have.”

You feel like you’ve fallen through a trapdoor, the breath knocked out of you. It’s bizarre, how he remembers you so fondly, while you’ve remembered him as being the person who ruined your life. It almost makes you angry, but he looks so innocent sitting before you - his eyes soft, slightly frowning, brows knitted together. You have the urge to reach out for him again until your senses kick in - this is wrong, this is all wrong, this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

You stand quickly. “It’s getting late, we should probably head back before it gets dark.”

Steve frowns, unsure if he upset you or not, but he pulls himself up. He’s pretty sure he didn’t mean anything by it, at least. It’s true - the few good memories he has of you always make him smile, make him feel warm and good. He’s never unpacked that, and he has no intentions to. It’s just memories. You’re not that little girl anymore, and he’s not that little boy. It doesn’t matter.

You gather your things, throwing your dry clothes back on over your wet ones, and take off. It’s only about six, but the clouds in the sky make it seem darker, almost more sinister. You don’t think much of it, but Steve notices, putting him on high alert.

About a mile into the walk, a deer approaches the two of you, getting incredibly close. You gasp with glee, looking at Steve to see if he’s seeing this.

“Look how close it is!”

But Steve’s filled with dread. Something’s not right. He claps to see if it runs off, but it doesn’t.

“What the hell?” you ask him. “It’s just a deer. We’re like princesses right now.”

Steve’s hardly listening, surveying the land, and then he realizes - the woods are dead quiet.

“What’re you -”

“Shh!” He holds his hand out to beckon you to be quiet, and you shut up quickly. Steve’s typical goofy behavior is gone, replaced with a hard face and a tense body. You’d never seen him like this, even when he’s obviously remembering something that’s upset him. It makes you scared, and you take a step closer to him. “Steve?”

“Listen,” he whispers, frozen in place.

You strain your ears. “I don’t hear anything.”

He looks over at you, eyes wide. “Exactly.”

At this point, the deer has gone away, leaving the two of you alone. You feel a bit eerie, but try to brush it off. “Steve, it’s alright.”

Steve scans the woods again, thankful for the space between the trees, before relaxing. He wraps an arm around you, walking you down the path. “Let’s go.”

You shrug him off of you, because you like the weight of his arm on you too much. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” he says. He doesn’t want to admit that he has a bad feeling - like maybe if he shoves it down, it won’t amount to anything. “It’s just weird, that’s all.”

You start to wonder if maybe this is what his nightmares are about, the woods. You want to ask, but you know he won’t open up about it. So you continue to walk beside him, your mind wandering off to him. The spikes of anxiety do nothing to keep the thoughts of Steve out, as much as you wish they would. You wish you could forget him like he forgot you. You wish you could forget his dumb, long hair, with highlights, and how his lips always look glossy, and how strong his arms and hands are. You wish so desperately to forget, and by the time you return to camp, you feel sick.

Steve’s relaxed by then, thankful that everything at camp seems fine. His smile is back, and he’s walking a little slower. “You going to dinner?”

“I think I should go to bed,” you say, voice hoarse. “I feel a little sick.”

He frowns. “Was it something I did?”

“No,” you explain quickly. “Just the excitement, I think.”

“Do you want me to grab you something and bring it to you? Or maybe Mia could -”

Your stomach twists painfully. “I’m okay, Steve. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You march off to your cabin quickly, forcing tears back until you can collapse on your bed. Your roommate is luckily out, so you shut the door, fling yourself on your bed, and start crying.

Every horrible emotion runs through you - sadness, anger, guilt, fear, remorse. It hits you like a tidal wave, leaving you shaking. So many thoughts go through your head. Thoughts that you never thought that you’d ever have.

It’s official - you’re into him. You like him. It’s a new feeling, foreign for you. You never once had a lick of attraction towards Steve until this summer, and it’s hit you so quickly that you hardly have time to recover. It should be a happy thought. It should be good, and freeing. But it’s everything but that. It’s scary, and horrific, and anxiety inducing.

You could have been friends. You could have gotten along. You both could have been lifelong friends, ones that turned to lovers. You could have sent each other letters when you weren’t at camp, ones that were riddled with confessions and feelings. You could have been there for each other, even if it didn’t turn to romance. You could have had a friend. The memories Steve had shared with you hurt, because he was never bad, and yet he was. It confuses you. It makes you mourn for what you could have had.

If you ever see Tommy Hagan again, you’ll hit him on sight.

On the other hand, you’re longing for something with Steve now. The new Steve, the one who’s dorky and funny and charming. Caring, kind, sweet. You want it so desperately that it rips you up inside, makes your chest feel empty. And you know, without a doubt, nothing will ever happen. Nothing can ever happen. He’s your childhood bully and new friend. Nothing could happen between you two. Your pride is too big, and Steve’s with someone else. Someone youhad set him up with.

You feel like an idiot. For liking him now and hating him then. For ever hating him. For ever liking him.

You cry heavily, burying your face into your pillow, and contemplate your next steps, when the door bursts open.

You flip over, annoyed that your feelings were interrupted. Your roommate Jen is in the doorway, her eyes wide and face flushed, panting heavily. Your protests die on your lips and you jump up. “What happened?”

“One of the campers,” she pants. “They’re missing.”

===

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#steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fic #steve harrington au #the campers #honestly screaming at the top of my lungs after finishing this

[dawninlatin]

Tell me a story

Part of the Manorian Teacher AU. This one takes place only months after “Online classes are the worst. 

Words: 2676

AO3 Link

Link to my masterlist and the other parts of the Teacher AU

A/N: It feels so good to write for this AU again, and this part might just be my favourite yet, so I hope you enjoy it<3 

Feel free to leave a comment or some constructive criticism or whatever;)

I also am aware that the timeline in this AU doesn't make sense, but it's summer and I have forgotten math, so we'll just ignore that:))

Peace&Love<3 -Dawninlatin

It was on a warm July evening that Manon Blackbeak declared to no one in particular that she was done being pregnant.

Only moments later, her asshole of a boyfriend decided to crush all her hopes and dreams by walking into their bedroom and saying, «You still have three months left, babe.»

Not deeming him worthy of a verbal response, Manon instead grabbed the nearest pillow and hurled it across the room with full force, not that it was much these days. Gods, she was so tired.

The pillow didn’t even make it all the way to Dorian, instead it landed with a weak thump by his feet, and Manon let out a frustrated sigh as he made his way over to her, taking the pillow with him and placing it back with the many, many others.

Manon was nestled on their bed, amongst the horde of pillows, all of them meticulously placed to create the perfect position, the only way she could sleep with a two pound human being inhabiting her body.

«Don’t worry, those three months will be over before you know it,» Dorian tried to comfort, picking up a discarded t-shirt and pulling it over his bare chest. His inky black hair was still wet from the shower he’d just had.

«That’s easy for you to say,» Manon mumbled, crossing her arms.

Something in her expression made Dorian pause, a guilty look on his face. «You’re right, it is easy for me to say. How are you?» He sat down on the bed, and Manon took in the pleasant smell of men’s soap.

«Exhausted,» she sighed, rubbing her swollen belly. Manon didn’t know how she could take three more months of a constantly bloated and aching body. Already she felt as if she could burst at any moment, and bigger would she get. None of her clothes fit, so she had simply taken to just wearing Dorian’s. Then there was the fact that she had to pee every ten minutes, and she still got nauseous, even if she was far past her first trimester, and no matter what she ate, she was kept up half the night by heartburn.

Yet the physical exhaustion was nothing compared to the emotional fatigue. All the hormones heightening her every emotion, and it completely drained her. She got incredibly angry and frustrated by the littlest things, and she cried. All. The. Damn. Time.

The fact that they were in the middle of a pandemic, and that the world was falling apart around her didn’t exactly help. Manon didn’t take well to spending all her days cooped up in their small house. She wanted to go out and do something. Instead she spent all her days inside, watching crappy TV, trying to ignore how helpless she felt.

Manon truly envied Dorian’s ability to sit down with a book and wholly disappear in it. Sometimes he stayed in that bubble of his for hours, paying no mind to the world around him.

All of this felt like some sick, twisted, alternate reality where everything was well on its way to hell. And for her part, it had began with a positive pregnancy test.

The baby had been a shock to them both. After feeling sick for a few weeks, Manon had taken a test just to rule it out. She hadn’t expected to find two pink lines staring back at her. Kids had never been part of her ideal future, but as she saw the positive test, as she saw how excited Dorian got, no matter how much he tried to hide his joy, she couldn’t stop picturing them as a family. Couldn’t stop picturing a small child with Dorian’s blue eyes and inky black curls and irresistible charm. Deep down, she wanted them to share this together. And Dorian would make a great father. Manon on the other hand…

Quarantining made it even harder for Manon to deal with her pregnancy. How was she supposed to enjoy this, supposed to create a bond with her unborn child when all her time was spent inside, isolated, silently panicking over the state of the country? She didn’t get to stroll around shops, buying cute baby clothes, didn’t get to visit friends and family, sharing this journey with them. Manon had been to one ultrasound, and Dorian hadn’t even been allowed with her. The worst of it all was that she felt like a selfish, whining bitch for being sad about it all.

Now that summer vacation had started, she didn’t have work to look forward to either. As a science teacher, there was nothing she was more passionate about than her job. A few weeks back, she’d had to say goodbye to her graduating seniors over a fucking video call. It had taken all of her stubbornness and unrelenting will-power to not burst into tears in front of them. They didn’t know she was currently a hormone-filled mess. Gods, how she would miss those brilliant young minds that annoyed her to no end. She’d never tell them that, of course. She had a reputation to uphold after all.

But without the distraction of her work, she’d had to take up other hobbies to busy herself. Yesterday, Manon had cried her way through an entire season of ‘Our Planet’ while knitting a blanket for their baby. Knitting, of all things! It had quickly become an obsession, and truth be told, she was excellent at it, but it was something Manon had never imagined she’d be filling her time with. Maybe this was what they called nesting?

Her thoughts were interrupted as she noticed Dorian moving down the bed and settling with his head next to her belly. He had a book in his hand, one he’d pulled out from their crowded bookshelf. It was thin with a picture of a sweet-looking dragon on the front. Manon also noticed how old and worn-out it was, the spine barely binding it together.

Dorian cleared his throat, turning to the first page, and Manon let out a confused chuckle. «What are you doing?»

«That weird pregnancy app I downloaded told me that our baby can register sounds from outside now, so I’m reading them a bedtime story.» He looked at her as if it was obvious that’s what he was doing. Then he turned his head back towards her belly, his voice turning high-pitched. «And you better get used to it, dude…or dudette, ‘cuz I’m gonna read you a story every night from now on.»

Manon tried to control her laughter, but his baby-talk, mixed with the ridiculous look on his face made it very hard to hold it in. She laughed even more as he kept going. «But if I’m gonna read to you, your mommy needs to stop laughing at me! Yes she does!»

Hearing herself referred to as someones ‘mommy’ made her chest tighten uncomfortably, but no matter how wrong it sounded, she ignored it for now. For Dorian’s sake. Instead, she chose to mask her fear and doubt with flirty banter, as usual. «If you’re spending the entire evening in my lap, you might as well go a little lower and put that mouth of yours to good use.»

«MANON!» he chastised, playing the perfect role of a disappointed parent. Dorian placed both his hands on her belly, as if covering a pair of ears, and said in a hushed voice, «There are children present!»

Chuckling, Manon answered, «That’s not what you said last night when you-»

«CHAPTER 1!»

As she beheld the exaggerated look of shock and horror on his face, Manon failed to hold in her cackling laughter any longer.

-

Manon had closed her eyes long ago, simply enjoying the sound of Dorian reading one of his favourite books to their unborn child.

He was a natural at storytelling, his tone eager, making up different voices for each character, giving life to it. Manon knew he would make an excellent father. Could already picture him with their child, reading them books, tucking them into bed at night, soothing them after a nightmare.

Whenever she tried to picture herself as a mother, the only image coming to her mind was the image of her grandmother, the woman that had raised her, the woman that had made Manon’s childhood a living hell. Who was she trying to fool? She knew nothing about motherhood!

As she kept spiraling, tears began to sting in her eyes. Manon tried to stop them to no avail. She sniffled, and the noise got Dorian’s attention. Turning his head, he found her shaking with silent sobs.

«Manon? What’s wrong?» He rushed to her side, the book completely forgotten. He pulled her to him, stroking up and down her arms, and the loving gesture only made her cry harder.

«Talk to me, love,» he whispered against her hair.

But how could she? How could she possibly express everything she was feeling? All the fear and doubt. And Dorian was so excited, Manon didn’t have the heart to take that joy away from him by telling him how she really felt about all of it.

Instead, she voiced the one question that had been playing at the front of her mind for months now. «Do you think I’ll be a good mom?»

«Oh, Manon.»

Her breaths came in choking gasps, and no matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn’t get enough air.

«Breathe,» Dorian tried to soothe, running his hands up and down her back in long, calming strokes. Manon let her forehead fall to his shoulder, clutching his shirt.

«I just-» she began, but she didn’t know what came next. Drawing a ragged breath, she tried again, «I have no idea what I’m doing! Like, do you know all the ways a baby can die? You hold it wrong and it breaks! And I have no idea how to be a mother! None! Everyone says they’ll be different than their own parents, but in the end they end up the same, and I know I will be just like my grandmother! I can’t do this! I can’t-» Her words turned into a heartbreaking sob.

«Look at me,» Dorian said, taking her face in his hands. His thumbs brushed over her cheeks, wiping away her tears only for more to follow. «Do you think I will be just like my father?»

His question took her by surprise, enough that she regained some control over her breathing. «Of course not!» Manon blurted out, wiping her eyes. «You’re nothing like him!»

«Exactly, and you’re nothing like your grandmother,» Dorian said firmly. Manon started shaking her head, but he grabbed her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes.

«I know you’ll be a great mom.» She was about to protest, but Dorian beat her to it. «You’ll make our child feel so safe, and loved, and supported, no matter what.»

«Dorian-» Her words died on her tongue as she saw how he looked at her, his eyes shining with love and adoration.

«You wanna know how I know that?» He pressed a kiss to her temple. «Because that’s how you make me feel, every single day.»

Dorian laid down, pulling her with him so that she lay with her head on his chest, feeling his heart beat, a steady rhythm that grounded her. Tears kept streaming down her cheeks, but her breathing had gone slow and even.

Manon broke the silence by whispering, «I’m so lucky to have you.» Dorian hummed in response.

They nearly fell asleep like that, until Manon suddenly spoke, her cracked voice startling Dorian in the process. «Will you keep reading? I wanna know how the story ends.»

This brought a huge grin to his face, and Dorian gladly slid back down to her belly, kissing it once, before picking up his discarded book. Manon settled back against her pillows while he skimmed to the right page.

Dorian cleared his throat once more, and picked up where he left, telling the story about a small, brave dragon that would much rather spend his days in fields of flowers than fighting wars.

-

«The end,» Dorian finished at last, a yawn escaping Manon’s lips.

«I liked this one,» Manon whispered. «You’re a great storyteller.» Dorian closed the book and sat up, a strange look on his face.

His eyes softened, and he said, «It’s not done yet.»

Manon’s face shifted into a confused expression, but Dorian didn’t explain further, simply placed the book on the nightstand, taking her in with burning intensity.

Outside, it had gone dark, the only source of light being the string lights that hung from the ceiling. They cast a soft, golden glow over the room, making Dorian look ethereal. He drew a ragged breath, before speaking, his voice quiet, «And as the lost man finished telling his story, he looked down at the love of his life, her white hair shining like liquid moonlight, her golden eyes glowing brighter than any star. He laid down next to her, face to face, took her hand in his, and asked, his heart ever so hopeful, ‘Will you marry me?’»

Manon couldn’t believe this was happening, her eyes widening in shock. Not pulling her gaze away from Dorian’s, the man she loved more than she could fathom, could ever put into words, she managed to choke out, «You- You’re asking me to marry you?»

«I am,» he whispered back, brushing a few loose strands of hair away from her face. «Wait a second, will you,» he blurted out, turning towards his nightstand and opening the drawer. «I actually have a ring,» he continued while rummaging around for it, his voice frantic.

«Got it,» Dorian said, facing her again. He inhaled once more, bracing himself. «I’ve had this ring for a while actually. I bought it straight after our first date, because I knew, already then, that there were no one else I’d want to spend my life with. You’re the love of my life, Manon. You’re my best friend, my equal, my everything, and I would be honored if I would also be able to call you my wife.»

How much love could a heart take before it would burst? Manon wondered to herself.

Flustered, Dorian kept talking, kept rambling, and damn her if it wasn’t the most adorable thing she had ever witnessed. «I had planned this big proposal with a candle lit dinner and roses and every other cliché ever invented, and you deserve so much more than this,» he gestured to them, to their bedroom, «but I couldn’t wait any longer, and-»

«No, it’s perfect,» Manon interrupted, shaking her head in disbelief as she took in the gorgeous ring. It was a thin, golden band with a simple, turquoise stone. It was really just perfect, all of it. Yes, she was in her - no, actually his - worn out pajamas, her hair pulled into a messy bun, her face bare, without any makeup, but it was perfect. She couldn’t have imagined it any different.

«Is that a yes then?» Dorian asked, his voice full of hope.

«Yes,» Manon laughed, and at the enormous grin appearing on her fiancé’s face, she burst into tears. «Those damn hormones,» she managed to choke out in between sobs, letting out an incredulous laughter.

Though this time it wasn’t purely the hormones’ fault. She had never felt so loved, and she knew Dorian felt the same way, because his own eyes were also lined with silver, mirroring her own.

After he put the ring on her finger, she pulled him into a tight embrace, pressing her lips to his. As they laid there, Manon took Dorian’s hand, placing it on her belly, where their child, their baby, had begun kicking ferociously. He gasped as he felt the fluttering kicks, and she couldn’t help but smile at the look of awe on his face. How right it felt, to be three. A family. Manon marveled over the feeling, something settling deep inside her.

Maybe the future wouldn’t be so bad after all.

#manorian #manorian fluff #manorian fanfiction #dorian x manon #manon x dorian #manon blackbeak #dorian havilliard #sarah j maas #tog #throne of glass #throne of glass fanfiction #tog fanfiction #modern au #dawninlatin teacher au

[ashtrayfloors]

(CW for discussion of pregnancy and abortion)

I was having really bad career feels, again. Like I’ve hit a plateau in my success, haven’t done enough in the past year, don’t know where to go from here, blah blah blah. I’m feeling better about it as of yesterday afternoon, because a. I took a look back at this past year and realized I’ve done more than I’d thought, and b. I checked a few things off my to-do list. One being, I sent the pitch for the nonfiction book off, and I have a very good feeling about that. I’m visualizing that the editors will accept it. I’ve decided I will not be pitching the poetry book at this juncture, because it’s just not ready, and at first that was one of the things I was getting down on myself for. But I’ve learned from experience that if I rush something just to send it in, it will either not get accepted because it’s subpar, or it will get accepted but won’t be what I want it to be.

Really, the main things I’ve been “behind” on over the past year have been sending out submissions, and self-promotion. But I’m trying to be gentle with myself, to remind myself that I did the best I could. Especially considering the goddamn pandemic, and especially right now when I’ve got so much other stuff on my mind.

Namely, the pregnancy and abortion. I’m having such mixed emotions about it. When I made the call for the appointment, I felt fine, but unfortunately my appointment isn’t until a week from today, so I have too much time to second-guess myself. It’s not even that I’m really second-guessing, it’s... I know this thing growing inside me isn’t a baby yet. I don’t believe there’s a soul there, even; I don’t think the soul comes in until later. But it’s a potential baby, a potential soul, and terminating this will really mean that I will never have another baby.

Before this happened, I’d made my peace with the baby-having part of my life being over. P. and I agreed a long time ago that we were going to have two births and be done—because twins run in both sides of my family, and we both had this fear that if we tried to have a third kid, we’d end up with four. And I felt like the two kids I have are the kids I’m meant to have, and my life/our family didn’t feel incomplete in any way. It still doesn’t feel incomplete, it’s just…

I keep trying to remind myself of all the reasons why terminating this pregnancy is the right decision. I keep telling myself: “There’s a pandemic & pregnant people are in a high-risk group for complications, the house is too small & who knows when you’ll be able to move into a bigger one, often you can barely handle the two kids you do have, you’re just finally getting your finances in order and having another kid would ruin that, P. is nearly 51 and you’re not that far from 40—do you really want to be old parents?, what about your career?—a baby would take up even more of your nonexistent time…” Etc., etc. And much of the time those reasons are sufficient and I, once again, feel at peace with my decision. But then I’ll watch D. and C. playing hide and seek together. Or C. will be in the kitchen with me, helping me make soup, dancing to a playlist I made and saying: “This is my favorite song! Oh, this is my favorite song, too!” about Modest Mouse, and then The Raincoats, and then Slapstick. Or I’ll be helping D. research igneous rocks, and both of us get really nerdy about it. And I’ll think: “We could make room in the house. I have the room in my heart.” And because I’m all hormonal and emotional about everything right now, I’ll start weeping.

It doesn’t help that my body is already going through some of the early stages of pregnancy. I’m hungry all the time but I get heartburn no matter what I eat, I’m constantly exhausted (like, physically exhausted—it’s like there’s cotton in my blood) but I can’t sleep at night, the taste of alcohol grosses me out, of course there’s the weepiness and sore breasts and the occasional cramping as my uterus expands. All this stuff seems to be happening even earlier than it did during past pregnancies, maybe because it’s like: “Oh, I’ve done this many times before, I know what to do! I will make a nice house for the baby!” And it doesn’t matter how many times I tell it there isn’t going to be a baby, it’s still trying to build a nice house. Also, none of my bras or pants fit right now. It sucks but I refuse to dig out my old maternity clothes because that would make me feel like I was really going to have a baby and I would just get too sad.

Please, please, no one tell me that it sounds like I really want to go through with this pregnancy. I can’t go through with it—all the reasons I keep giving myself why this is the best decision aren’t even the real, main reason. The reason this is my only option? After I had C., my OBGYN told me that there’s a good chance that if I got pregnant again I wouldn’t be able to carry the baby to term and it would endanger my life, too. So, no, I’m not going to try and have another baby only to ultimately lose the baby anyway, and put myself at risk of dying, too. And I don’t even actually want to go through with this pregnancy, even barring the above, I just have complicated feelings because this is a hard situation. Too many people want to make abortion this black-and-white issue where you either get an abortion and feel nothing but relief, or you’re secretly not pro-choice or something. Well, for one thing, you can be pro-choice and choose not to have an abortion, because uh, that’s your choice. But also, it’s fucking complex. I am relieved this choice is mine to make. I am sad that I have to make this choice.

And I’m flashing back to 2004, of course, and despite my sadness I am so glad my situation is not like it was then. So glad I have a supportive partner, and am not totally broke, and so, so glad that this time I have the option to have a medical abortion rather than a surgical one. Back then, I was so terrified of telling the would-be father (because, no matter how strongly I felt for him, somewhere deep down I knew he wouldn’t handle it well); I was so terrified of even having to make a decision. So I just continued drinking and drugging to excess—despite the fact that my body tried to reject it and I got violently ill nearly every night—hoping that I could induce a miscarriage. When it reached the point where I had to make a decision or it would be too late, I finally told him, and his response was: “Oh. What’re you gonna do about it?” So I emptied my savings account, the last little bit of royalties I had left from the books I’d published as a teenager, and made my appointment. And I didn’t even tell my roommate what was really going on, even though she was supposedly my bestie, too. I just didn’t know how to tell anyone until after the fact. I felt like I had to go through it alone. So I did it, alone, and at night, alone, I cried myself to sleep. For weeks. And I prayed to Mary. And I drank. I got through it, and came out stronger for it, but I’m glad I don’t have to go through that again.

P. is being incredibly supportive. He told me right away that we’re in this together, and he’d support me in whatever decision I made, though he did say he’d be worried about my safety if I decided to go through with the pregnancy. When I told him that’s exactly why I can’t go through with the pregnancy, he agreed that I’m making the right choice. But he still understands why I’m sad. He’s been hugging me a lot, making me tea, it helps. And we’ve also discussed him getting a vasectomy as soon as possible, so I never have to worry about this kind of thing again, and he’s 100% on board.

#pls no reblobs // #no seriously don't reblob this #i am not even going to tag what this is about in the first five tags #bc my last personal post got a bunch of randos liking it and it made me reallllly uncomfortable #seriously DO NOT REBLOG!!! #anyway #nomanborn #dear livejournal #career opportunities #pregnancy #abortion #drugs mention #alcohol mention #the year of our inferno #heart attack 2004 #memories #relationships #prayer #parenting #children

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #292

“dear god, let’s make this fucking clear: dear god, there’s nothing that i fear”

What internet browser do you use? Chrome. What brand water do you drink? (Smart Water, Dasani, etc) Mom just grabs the Great Value jugs. Do you have a job? No. Are you full-time or part-time? N/A Are you watching TV right now? No. Or are you listening to music? Yeah, "Mr. Crowley" by Ozzy. Such a great song. Would you go to jail for 3 years for $1,000,000? No. I would NOT survive in jail. When's your birthday? February 5th. I cannot fucking believe I'm almost 25. Thoughts on kids? Too impressionable for me. Even with my niece and nephew, I feel like every single word I say just like... stamps into their brains, and what if I say something that negatively affects them? I feel like it's my responsibility as an aunt to be a fountain of wisdom when I'm definitely not. I just get nervous around kids. Worst punishment you've ever received by your parents? I wouldn't call it a "punishment," but when I skinned the everliving fuck out of my knees and Mom was patching me up while I was just sobbing away, my dad literally roared "SHUT UP!" from my parents' bedroom, and it's stuck with me forever. Honestly, I think it may be a root in my extreme fear of men yelling. Worst punishment from Mom, probably this time where she smacked the shit outta my arm as a kid and left a clear handprint for a while. Are you the type who is completely against abortion? Why? No, I am firmly pro-choice, despite being pro-life most of my life. I don't feel like writing a moral essay, but basically, I absolutely cannot agree with forcing a woman to carry a human they don't want for whatever reason for nine fucking months, endure one of the most traumatically painful things known to man, and then properly and adequately care for that child. That is such a huge fucking responsibility that should be forced upon *nobody*. "But adoption!" Yeah, go tell that to the thousands of children waiting on you. This is leaning on exactly what I said I wouldn't do, so moving along. Have you ever read a book that actually changed your outlook on life? "I’ve read some books that were phenomenal, but I wouldn’t necessarily go so far as to say that they 'changed my outlook on life'." <<<< This was Johnny Got His Gun for me. Does your favorite flower hold any meaning to you? No. What would you do if your favorite animal became endangered? I would fucking freak. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, but I honestly do want at least one, primarily with a deep black and then some nice grays and neutral colors. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yes. Are your nails always painted? Quite the opposite. What's one thing you've had a toxic reaction to? A breakup. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? I honestly don't really decorate because I just don't have the motivation, but Halloween is the best. Were you popular in school? Nope. Are there any foods that often give you heartburn or indigestion? BANANAS, dark sodas (like Coke or Dr. Pepper), peanut butter can... It's hard for me to tell much now because I have chronic heartburn and am medicated for it. Works great, so I don't experience this much. Is there something you intend to buy in the near future? Yes. Once my tattoo is done (I'm setting the appointment the next time we leave the house, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH), what I have left is going towards Venus' new terrarium. She really needs a 40 gallon. Is anyone in your family artistically talented? What about musically? I was the art kid, and family still insist I should be an artist. What cute behaviors or characteristics does/do your pet(s) have? Omg, Roman has so many. He nuzzles me all the time, will collapse into my hand to pet him, he insists on being the little spoon at bedtime (no, really), he literally tries to groom me with his teeth, licks my face... He is just a doll. My little buddy for sure. Now onto Venus. She loves to chill next to me in bed or find a cozy place under the covers, and omgggg does she love to slither around the bed doing the periscope thing. So curious. What's the screensaver on your computer? I don't have one. What’s the sexiest thing about a guy? I am WEAK for nice shoulderblades/muscular shoulders ok. What’s the sexiest thing about a girl? I am an ass bitch and I will not hesitate to admit it ayyyyyeeeee. Who were you with at midnight on January 1, 2021? Nobody. Who was the last person to send you a message on social media? My sister Misty. She's planning to surprise Mom (her stepmom, anyway) by showing up in a few weeks with her fiance and all her kids she's never met but desperately wants to. My mom is the only "real mom" she's ever had, and she just feels so bad that she has a by now teenage daughter (among three other younger ones) that has never met her "grandmother." It's just an expensive and long trip, but Misty's finally called it enough and is just driving down here with everyone. Mom is going to fucking sob. ^ What qualities does this person have, that you appreciate? Nice timing for this, since her fiercely anti-mask bullshit is all I can focus on about her lately... but there are good things about her. She truly is a very loving, passionate woman that, just like me, feels deeply and expresses it. What was the last thing that caused you to scowl, or frown? Does grimacing count from a sudden bodily pain? Have you smiled at any point during the last hour? Yeah. I'm watching the VOD of Arin Hanson playing Kingdom Hearts 2 for charity, and he went on a total fucking laughing fit. His laugh is so precious, so I just couldn't stop grinning. What was the last thing you consulted Google for? Ensuring "grimace" was the right word for my former expression, even though I was pretty positive it was correct... I don't know if anyone's noticed, but my English skills are degrading, particularly in spelling. It's concerning me. I was an English whiz my whole life up to now. My only guess is it's related to how godawful my memory is also declining. So, did anyone send you a "Happy New Year" message when midnight hit? No. When was the last time you were on a carousel? Probably not since I was a teenager being goofy with Jason or somebody. What is the closest you have ever been to an elephant? I have a picture on my dA of a beautiful elephant walking RIGHT by its fence at the zoo. It was pretty amazing, considering just how incredibly immense their enclosure is. Have you ever played Halo? No, it's not my kinda game. Have you ever read a National Geographic magazine? Oh, I'm positive I've read sections while in waiting rooms of various places. When was the last time you had a pillow fight? I have no idea. Realistically it was probably w/ Jason since that sounds like some cute playfighting thing we'd do, but I don't remember a particular instance. Name somebody who you think deserves more respect: "Retail works. The horror stories my mom has on the daily is absolutely ridiculous. People can be so incredibly rude." <<<< I absolutely agree with this; what friends and strangers alike rant about is just depressing. Nobody, especially those working through a goddamn pandemic that's killing thousands, deserves the disrespect that comes their way. Have some goddamn decency and know half the issues you bring up to retail workers isn't even their damn fault. Ohhhh, I could rant about this. In your own words, define what the word sexy means. So you mean like, what I think is considered sexy, not just the general definition? If that's the case, uhhh. Self-confidence (but absolutely not arrogance) is very attractive to me as a bitch who lacks it entirely, as well as good manners, being outgoing, and just... charm. I don't quite know how to describe that "charm" other than I'm really drawn to people who are unique and happy with it and just seem to have an aura about them that feels good to be in. What is the most popular tourist attraction where you live? I'm going to look at this question as if you're asking about my state and not general location because 1.) there ain't shit here and 2.) I'd prefer to keep relatively where I live quiet on the Internet. Looked it up and apparently NC's biggest tourist bait is the Biltmore Estate. Never been there myself, but it'd be pretty dope. Without looking - do you know what brand your underwear is? I'm in my own home and pjs, who the fuck wears underwear with that criteria lmao. Are you any good at volleyball? NOOOOOOOOO. I went to a volleyball camp thing once when I was younger and that shit hurts the hell outta your hands. I didn't stay long. Have you ever had a water balloon fight? Why of course. Do you think some babies are ugly? Quite honestly, probably most, especially newborns. Don’t you miss Chuck E. Cheese? I do; going there was one of the most exciting possible things to me as a kiddo. Do you think Fall Out Boy is gonna be a classic band, like Queen or AC/DC? Possibly. I mean they sure are pretty successful and well-known. Do you love stuff-crusted pizza? Eh, it's not my preference, but I'll eat it. Do you apply lotion after you bathe? No, but I really should, given how dry my skin is. What’s your favorite color? Pastel pink. Who did you have your most amazing kiss with? I'd like to not think about this. Has a YouTube video of yours ever gotten over 10,000 views? Lol definitely not. I think at least one on my older channel hit 1k somehow???? It was a birthday gift I made for someone. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? lol I already have one there. At some point I'm getting it covered, though. Do you like Robert Frost poems? I do! Do you go to church every Sunday? I never do. Have you ever been in a relationship on-and-off for more than a year? No, I don't play that game. You want me or you don't, so I'm not wasting my time on your uncertainty or just our lack of stability for whatever reason. If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Absolutely writing. What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? ?????????????????? i don't?????????????? care???????????????? they're not my tits??????????????? What is the last thing you tried on in a store? I don't know. I avoid trying shit on like the plague. And then it ends up being too big/small. I wonder why. Is sleeping naked more comfortable than in clothes? I've only ever fallen asleep naked once, and accidentally at that, so I really don't remember how I felt about it? Consciously though, I would feel very, very vulnerable so don't have plans to when I have my own place. Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone? HAHAHA Y'AAAAAALLLLLLL THIS WAS DEADASS THE ONLY LUCID DREAM I'VE EVER HAD LMAOOOOO Do you feel as though you have a good memory, or are you forgetful at times? Do you feel that your short-term memory or long-term memory is better? My short-term memory is absolutely atrocious, like to the point it seriously affects my ability to get shit done. You can give me something that needs to be done and I will forget in a heartbeat. Now, my long-term memory is astonishing. I can remember many things from my childhood in incredible detail. Have you ever had a concussion or some other sort of brain injury before? Did you need to have surgery for it? I've had a concussion or two. I can't remember which. I didn't need surgery. Do you have any sort of mental illnesses or disorders? What do they involve? Yeah: chronic depression, crippling social anxiety, generalized anxiety, avoidant personality disorder (AvPD), obsessive compulsive disorder, PTSD, bipolar II, and I think that's it. My head's a mess and a half. What’s the longest that your hair has ever been? How about the shortest? When is the last time that you got it cut? About to the small of my back; how it is now, which is pretty much shaved on the left and fades to near my chin on the right. I actually got it cut last month; we've gone to a family friend for years whose shop is just an extra building by her house and very rarely has more than two clients in it. We had masks on, of course. At what age did you start getting gray hairs, if you happen to have any? I don't have any. Somehow, given my stress level at all times, haha. What are some ways that you style your hair? Do you use any sorts of products in it? It's too short to style. I don't use any products in it but obviously shampoo. Who was the last person to truly get on your nerves? What do you think caused you to feel that way? Probably my mom. I think she was in a rotten mood for one reason or another and just being snappy and generally rude. Do you recycle? Is this through choice or do you live somewhere where it’s compulsory? We do; it's by choice, and it'd be immensely ignorant not to where we live considering it literally gets picked up with the other garbage. Do you prefer plain, carbonated, or flavored water? Do you think you drink enough water throughout the day? I've never tried carbonated water, and flavored water rarely works for me due to artificial sweeteners giving me beastly headaches. So I'll just take really cold, filtered water. Have you ever needed to call the police, ambulance, or fire department? I had to call the ambulance for my mom right before her cancer was discovered because she was literally immobile and in ungodly pain. When was the last time you visited the library? What was the purpose of your visit? At my old college, as the newspaper photographer, I took some artsy pics up there. I will probably forever worry that leaving school resulted in the biggest career opportunity slipping through my fingers through that newspaper. Do you see a lot of wild animals where you live? Are any of them dangerous? I guess about the normal amount you'd see in the country. Some dangerous animals live here, sure, that's probably everywhere, but you very rarely see any. Aside from when you were born, have you ever had to stay the night in the hospital? For suicidal thoughts and one attempt, yes. Have you ever experienced a panic attack? Ahhhh, do I know those well. Thankfully, it's been a long time since I had an all-out panic attack. Would you ever want to go into the medical profession? Was your answer different pre-COVID? Nope. Well, besides being a vet, which I haven't wanted to be since I was a kid. Where you live, are people paying attention to whatever restrictions are in place to help control COVID? Many? No. Because it's apparently a fuckin hoax or not as bad as the government wants us to think. Fucking cretins. Do you get a real or artificial Christmas tree? Artificial. Real ones aren't worth the money nor mess. What’s your favourite type/flavor of popcorn? Caramel corn. Do you drink oat milk? No, but I'm interested in at least trying it. The dairy industry is absolutely repulsive if you look into it, and I'd love to do what I can to take as little part in it as possible... even though I am a dairy fiend. I seriously wish I could go vegan, I am just WAY too picky for it. Do you love thrifting? Oh fuck yes. I've been very few times in my life, but I'mm all about it. Do you consider using only lowercase letters your aesthetic? I do find it visually appealing; I like the flow of similar letter height. I never do it for "serious" things, but on places where it's "for the aesthetic," it's likely that's how I'll write something. Do you say “mood?” Way too much lmao. Do you own fairy lights? No, though I would like them if it wouldn't look stupid in my room. Do you own glass straws because the metal ones kind of gross you out because you can’t tell if they are clean or not? ... I didn't know glass straws were a thing. I have a handful of metal ones though, but I always forget I have one in my purse when I go out... Have you made a TikTok? No. Do you own airpods? No. Are you afraid of Mercury in retrograde? I don't believe in a planet's position or whatever having any effect on people. Do you make life choices based on astrology? Definitely not, considering I don't believe in it to begin with. How many pairs of converse shoes do you own? Maybe like, five? Number of jeans in your closet: Zero. What accent do you have? Not really any, but sometimes I sound kinda southern with specific words. Do you have a big butt? Yo I got a Hank Hill ass, so no. Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? In my past relationships, yes, I assigned our anniversary to memory. I don't really... know why, like it doesn't really matter how long you've been together, I just do. Have you graduated? From HS, yes. I dropped out of college three times lmao. Rihanna or Lady GaGa? Ohhh, not sure. Maybe GaGa, but both ladies have songs I love. "Disturbia" doess beat all of her songs, tho. The fuckin BEAT. Do you use fake eyelashes? Never tried 'em. Which was the last book that really captivated you? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. What makeup brands do you use? I'm not loyal to any, really. I would be if I could afford expensive shit, but yeah, that ain't my life.

#survey #surveys #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''battle cry'' by blood on the dance floor

[chuffyfan87]

Hiding. Part 54c (NSFW)

"But that will leave us short staffed!" She complained.

“Leave the staffing to me, it’s my job.” Charlie replied.

"Trust you to pull rank!"

Charlie rolled his eyes, “Please, we’ll manage.”

"Urgh! Can we go home now?" She asked as she attempted to manoeuvre the crutches so she could leave the cubicle.

“Doc, is she allowed to go home?” Charlie asked Harry.

"Yes providing she behaves herself and does as she's told." He turned to Duffy. "Or I will have no choice but to have you admitted."

“Are you listening?” Charlie smiled, “Thanks Harry.”

She stuck her tongue out and pulled a childish face in response.

Harry laughed and left Duffy and Charlie to it.

By the time they arrived back home a short while later Duffy had decided that she could manage by herself.

“Don’t need my help huh?”

"No, come any closer and I will stick this crutch somewhere painful!"

“I see your feisty side is coming out?” He smirked.

"Another word and I really will shove this crutch up your arse!" She glared as she stood up out of the taxi.

He chuckled, “You’re very attractive when you’re angry.”

"You honestly think you're getting lucky tonight?"

“You’re on bed rest. Doesn’t look like I’m getting lucky for the next two weeks.”

"I'm willing to risk it if you are!" She giggled as they entered the house.

“You’re so naughty.” He laughed gently as he followed her into the house.

"Its one way to get things going." She shrugged.

“And you say about me and my old wives tales.” He closed the door and removed his coat.

"It worked with Emily." She retorted.

“Tomorrow, we can try? But only if I feel you’ve rested enough.”

"Fine." She grumbled. She paused as she contemplated her shoes and the stairs.

Watching her, he asked a couple of minutes later. “Would you like a hand?”

"It doesn't seem like I have much choice." She admitted begrudgingly.

He helped her with her shoes and then up the stairs to bed. “This wasn’t what I had planned for our child free evening.”

"What was your plan?"

“Dinner. Plenty of sex.” He laughed.

"Sounds good to me." She giggled. "We could eat in bed?"

“It’ll have to be a takeaway?” He pouted, “What do you fancy?”

"How about a curry?" She chuckled.

“Too messy.”

"But I have a real craving for one!" She pouted. "You wouldn't deny your heavily pregnant wife something she really craved would you?"

“Hmm, it depends.” He smirked, “What’s in it for me?”

"My eternal gratitude."

“Is that all?” He laughed and kissed her tenderly, “What kind of curry?”

"Hmm... A vindaloo?" She smirked.

“Is this part of your plan to induce your labour?”

"I don't know what you mean..!" She giggled.

“Of course you don’t. Curry? Final answer?”

"Yes, a vindaloo curry please." Her smile was full of fake sweetness.

“Your smile is so fake. But a vindaloo it is.” He ordered them both a curry.

"Thank you!" She wriggled on the bed trying to get more comfortable whilst he called to order the takeaway.

He sat on the bottom step as he ordered the takeaway and stayed to wait for it to arrive.

She was still trying to find a good way to sit when he arrived back upstairs with the food.

“Are you still fidgeting?”

"You try getting comfortable when you resemble a blimp! I swear, I thought I was massive when I had the twins..!"

“You’re not massive! You, Mrs Fairhead, are beautiful.”

"I swear I'm nearly as wide as I am tall!"

“No you’re not! That’s all in your head.” He dished up the food onto a plate, along with a naan bread and handed the plate to Duffy.

She began to tuck into the food wincing as she swallowed. "It was just a bit warm." She explained, catching his concerned look.

“Hot you mean.” He laughed.

"No, I meant the temperature. I can handle the spice just fine!"

“Ah, alright.” He kissed her cheek before taking a mouthful of his food.

They ate their food in a companionable silence. Once she'd finished eating Duffy handed her plate back to Charlie.

He took her plate and got up from the bed. “I’ll be back in a minute. Let me get rid of this and wash up.”

"OK." She replied before accidentally burping really loudly.

He laughed as he left the bedroom and went downstairs.

By the time he came back upstairs she's rolled onto her side and gotten somewhat comfortable though the fact she now had raging heartburn wasn't helping matters.

He lay behind her. His hand cupped her bottom. “Your body is bloody amazing, you know.

"We'll ignore the fact it's falling apart in the process!" She chuckled as she shifted backwards towards him.

“It’s done amazing and incredible things.”

"Feel free to show it how much you appreciate all its done." She whispered.

“I owe you a foot massage.” He whispered against her ear.

"I was hoping for more than that!"

“You need to rest.” He nibbled her ear.

"I'm laid down aren't I?" She smirked, shifting slightly so her bottom pressed up against him.

“You still need to rest.” He licked her earlobe. “Please?”

"You know you want to..!" She teased.

“When don’t I?” He smirked, “No. You’ve had a busy day and you’re exhausted. I will fuck you for as long as your heart desires but tomorrow."

She pouted, disgruntled that he clearly wasn't about to change his mind. "Well tonight has totally sucked!" She grumbled.

“I know, I agree.” He kissed her neck before moving to the foot of the bed and giving her that promised foot massage.

She hissed as he took hold of her feet even though he was purposefully gentle.

“I’m incredibly proud of you, you know.” He said gently after a while of massaging her feet in complete silence.

"Despite the fact I put myself in hospital this evening?"

“Yeah that was silly.” He smiled sadly, “But I should’ve known something like this would’ve happened.”

"You do realise that we'll never hear the end of it..." She sighed, smiling.

“Hear the end of what?”

"I'm sure they're all speculating on how I ended up in there."

“Well the doctor knew you’d had your midwifery exam. You should’ve seen his face!”

"It was a requirement of my course." She shrugged.

“Yes but not when you’re 38 weeks pregnant.”

"I didn't pick the date."

“I know.” He looked up at her and smiled, “Your drive and determination is another part of you that’s sexy as hell.”

"I didn't like the idea of waiting a whole year because of just one requirement."

“I know.”

"Luckily graduation isn't for a couple of months." She chuckled.

“Ah, least you don’t have to graduate heavily pregnant.”

"The robes are probably about the only things that would fit me right now!" She laughed.

He laughed gently, “Duffy?”

"What?"

He held her gaze for a moment, “I love you. Really love you.”

She blushed, not sure what had caused his sudden shift in mood. "Have you done something I'm gunna be mad about?" She asked with a nervous giggle.

He shook his head and answered back, “Just wanted to tell you that I love you.”

"Ok." She smiled softly.

“And that I’m proud of you.”

"I can't quite believe that I'm going to be a graduate. I always thought that people with degrees were super smart."

“You are super smart. Always have been.”

"Hmm... If only the girls from school could see me now, they'd have to eat their words!"

“I take it people bullied you?”

"You'd be amazed how many things kids can find to comment on." She sighed.

“Kids are just cruel.”

"Yeh and I was the short, fat, ginger thicko with no dad."

“I bet you weren’t.”

"I'd love to see your evidence to argue with me on two of those points!" She raised an eyebrow, a smirk on her lips. "Because you of all people should know that I'm a natural redhead..!"

“You are. That’s where you get your fiery temper from.” He laughed.

She turned slightly to stick her tongue out at him, rubbing her chest gently as she did so.

“It’s a sexy temper.” He chuckled softly.

She shook her head fondly as she tried to sit up.

“You alright?”

"Hurts." She mumbled.

“Heartburn?”

"Maybe." She hiccuped and then burped.

He laughed, “Very attractive.”

"Not..." She just about managed to turn her head away before she was sick.

“Oh babe.” He sighed softly and grabbed the bin, handing it to her.

She was sick a couple more times before she sat back.

“You feeling better?”

She nodded weakly.

“Are you sure?”

"Maybe that curry wasn't the best idea..." She sighed.

“No maybe not.” He rubbed her arm.

"I just want this over with."

#chuffy #charlie and duffy #charlie fairhead #lisa duffin

[kevinhaas]

Homewreckage.

@sv-ev asked for Stan Frederick fanfiction. I, being the loch ness monster at the bottom of the Slenderverse cesspool, obliged.

80% awful comedy, 20% awful melodrama and 100% bullshitted nonsense, this is the antitheses of “In-Character” writing. I hope you still enjoy it, dude, and that is makes you laugh.

(Also, it’s a “““ship”““ fic (bc ofc it is), so if you wanted to maybe you could convince that other guy to read it with you. 👀 asdfghioiuhgvb )

"We can't keep meeting like this," Stan says. His tone is flat and in the darkness of the motel room, his expression is hidden. Like always, Noah notes bitterly, he keeps himself unreadable.

Noah snorts. "Uhh, whose idea was this in the first place, Stan? It sure as fuck wasn't mine."

Stan drags his hands down his face with a long, drawn-out sigh. Noah had a point, but Noah was also kind of a bitch.

He twists his wedding band between his fingers and reminds himself that he only loves Noah for his sweet, sweet bod. Much like the very heterosexual Harvey Milk or Oscar Wilde, Stan was not gay-- he simply appreciated the male form. He especially appreciated Noah's flat ass and unkempt beard when he was pounding him into the mattress-- platonically, of course.

"So, what? You wanna break up?" Stan suggests, tired. That would probably be the best solution. As much as Stan would miss having someone to do weird butt stuff with-- since he could only do weird knee  and elbow stuff with his wife-- it had become hard to justify all the trips down to Florida. Originally, he had just told Susan that Slenderman's tomb was in the tropical rainforests of Miami and that in order to vanquish him, he had to exum his horcruxes and expose him to the morning sun after destroying them.

Susan, who read Harry Potter and thought horcruxes were real, was originally sympathetic. But when it took him more than a few months to machete his way through the lush Miamian canopy, she began to grow suspicious. He had told her-- while hastily concealing the lipstick mark from Noah that decorated his collar-- that Suitman Mansuit had sealed a chunk of his soul in a Nokia cellphone and instantly her anger softened.

Fondly, Stan regarded how open-minded and magical his wife was. She was beautiful and loving and funny and perfect; their personalities meshed together well and every day with her was a gift.  Unfortunately, as I mentioned two paragraphs ago, there was no butt stuff, and since Stan was a heterosexual man, that was enough to make him stray.

His thoughts are interrupted by a pillow right to his got-damn head. "Stop inner-monologuing like you're on daytime TV!" Noah shouts.  His lips quibble, and as hard as he tries to perpetuate his internal anger engine, he can't will himself to stay entempered with his paramour.

"Of course I don't want to break up!" Noah flings himself into Stan's waiting arms. Noah looks up at him, eyes moist and shining. "Why can't you just leave your wife? I want to be together."

It was a loaded question, so complicated but so simple.

The long answer was Henrich's Theory or Fates. First studied in 1717 by Hemlick Henrich, the Theory essentially states that the time at which one met a person determined the relationship those two might have. The younger the age two persons are when meeting, the more likely they are to retain incredible importance in each other's lives. However, the persons one might meet in adulthood often fail to have a lasting impact. (It was for this reason that 97% of eHarmony users that has met their spouses online would later kill and devour them. [Citation needed]) It was a complicated psychological theory, and the second-most praised one in Quacks Quarterly, right after every single thing Sigmund Freud had ever written.

Stan had met Susan and Connor in his impressionable post-fetal stage. They'd all grown up together, forming an intense bond. As a result, Stan had porked both of them and married at least one. Noah, however, hadn't come into his life until many years later, when his brain had already formed a protective cocoon around itself in order to keep out the sexy (but negative) influences that came with adulthood. Specifically, telemarketers and the Amish. The short answer was--

"Dude, I'm straight. YOU'RE straight. 'No homo' doesn't work if we run away together."

Noah rubs his eyes and shrugs. "I just thought it could be a bro thing, ya know? Just us traveling the country in a convertible, sharing a bed in seedy motels." He smiles shyly, sniffling. "Maybe buy a house in the 'burbs together, adopt a couple kids. Have a garden and a dog. There's nothing gay about co-parenting a dog, Stan"

Stan tenderly rests his hand on Noah's own. With an equal amount of soft tenderness, he whispers, "Noah, co-parenting a dog is kinda gay."

Noah grasps his hand. "It doesn't have to be gay," he murmurs. "It doesn't have to be."

"But you mentioned kids too."

"Nothing gay about two non-related men raising kids together."

"Noah." Stan sighs. He strokes Noah's hair, pressing their foreheads together. "We need to be realistic. We can't go on like this."

"What're you saying, dude?"

Stan's eyes flicker down and he smiles, bittersweet. He knew this was coming-- he'd known it for a while. He should have brought this up months ago, when their relationship was fresh, not so attached. It would have hurt then, certainly, but not to the extent that it did now.

The words that rested on his tongue made his stomach churn and his lungs ache. A lesser man would chalk this up to heartburn, but despite the Supreme Taco Party Pack from Taco Bell that they had shared before holing up in their love nest, Stan knew deep inside that this feeling was not gas, but regret. Regret that he couldn't bifuricate himself into two equally handsome dudes, like a sexy little worm.

But he couldn't. He had to choose between the love of his life-- his shining star, his rock, his hope. The one whose very presence could paint the grey sky blue and who was also really good at everything, especially late-night cuddlepiles-- And Noah, who let him put it in for free.

It was a tough call.

"What I'm saying, Noah, is... we're brover."

Noah stares at him for a moment-- or, Stan assumes he does. It's still too dark to see- in stunned silence. Then, wordlessly, he gets up and dresses, most likely putting his shirt on backwards before he walks out the door, slamming it behind him.

Stan isn't sure what did it: the finality of the declaration, so much like a knife in Noah's guts-- or the shitty fucking pun. Like his sexuality, Noah's temper really could go either fucking way.

Regardless, as Noah walks out of his life, there's an enormous amount of relief. It was a euphoric release of burden, comparable only to the feeling one might get by telling every one of their Twitter and YouTube followers to literally fuck off.

Stan flops back into the bed, which still smells of...whatever it is people in Florida bathe with. Orange juice, he thinks. He finds his phone, with its bulky waterproof case.

Stan calls his wife.

#Stan Frederick #the record of stan frederick #Mine #Fanfiction

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #102

been awhile, huh?

will you cry at your wedding? i can pretty much guarantee i will.are you named after one of your parents or grandparents? no, but most of the girls in my family have the same middle name.do you feel that your previous relationships were a waste of time? one was. have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed? no. what’s your ring tone? "telescope" by starset. who gets up the earliest in your household? the latest? me or mom. i think nicole gets up last, but then again, her room's on the other end of the house, so. i don't really see her. have you ever fed bread to ducks or geese? yes, before i knew you shouldn't. have you ever lived in an apartment or duplex home? i briefly lived in an apartment with my ex. do you take offense to things easily? depends on the subject. more than anything, the misuse of the term "retarded" offends me. in a car: air conditioning, or roll the windows down? air conditioning. i absolutely despise my hair flying in my face. what’s your computer's background at the moment? on the laptop i currently have to use, it's ashley and aubree (this was ash's laptop). on my personal one that currently isn't working, it's a beautiful picture of trico and the boy from "the last guardian." do you look more like your mom or dad? i've heard both. i think i look more like mom. what’s the last video you watched on youtube? i'm watching the game grumps play the remake of the first "resident evil." are you a fan of lady gaga?  i like like... two of her songs. i personally find "bad romance" to be catchy as fuck. sleep position? i usually sleep on my side with my top leg bent up into an angle. what would you name your future daughter? i don't want kids, but if i had one, her name would be alessandra, nicknamed "alessa." if i had another, she'd probably be chloe. what’s something you have a very strong opinion about? abortion. name an interesting fact about yourself. uhhh. i don't know if i still can, but i could ride my bike without handlebars when i used to do it all the time. who is the first person in your contacts? ashley, my sister. do you believe in destiny? no. do animal furs upset you? i don't support using them in most societies, no, because it seems incredibly unnecessary. we have other materials. in certain areas though, like eskimos in alaska, i don't mind it because hey, they have to keep warm. who picks the music when you're riding in the car? if it's me and mom and i'm in the passenger seat, i use my ipod to play music from the car. how do you feel about diet dr. pepper?  diet sodas give me a headache, and dr. pepper gives me heartburn. have you actually been through a devastating natural disaster before? hurricane floyd was pretty devastating. are you really into vintage things? have you ever been into that stuff? YEP. if going to a concert, do you prefer it to be outside or in a stadium? inside. don't have to worry about the weather. has anyone you know gotten mono? ashley had mono in middle school. do you look at the keyboard when you type? no. have you ever kissed someone anywhere other than on the face/head? yes. do you like your teeth? i wish they were whiter and that i didn't have a retainer on my bottom row, but eh. how many siblings does your significant other have? he also has a sister named ashley. what was the first online account you remember having? neopets. what’s your father’s handwriting like? messy and everything is capitalized. have you ever been a bridesmaid? yes. name one of your ex’s mother’s names? virginia. if you could move out of your home country permanently, would you? if so, where would you go? i wouldn't, but if i had to, i'd move to germany. have you ever been to craigslist.com?  yeah. it's pretty common in the south. my best friend got her cat from there. on "grand theft auto," do you just kill people or actually do the missions? i've never played. i used to watch my neighbor hunter play when we were young, though. then jason and jacob played some of one at the old apartment, and i was impressed that it actually had story. do you own anything “lucky”? no. what is your dad’s occupation? he's been a mailman for a very long time. do you believe that weed should be legalized? it is legal in a lot of places so, old survey, but no, i don't support its legalization. do you like apple jacks? yes. what is one thing that you absolutely despise about your personality?  i can be very paranoid. what's the worst nightmare you've ever had? something involving my dad. what's been the most traumatic experience of your life and does it still bother you? jason breaking up with me, and it can, if i'm exposed to certain triggers. do you think french kissing is gross? i mean, technically yeah. imagine the germs. but i don't hold actual issue with it. do you have any petnames for the person you love? i don't love him, i like him, but no. if you were cremated, where would you want your ashes to be placed? i want to be used as part of a fertilizer for a tree. do you own any animals that absolutely hate you? no. bentley acts like he's scared of me, but he's scared of like... everything. but he doesn't hate me. how and when did you discover your favorite show at the moment? "that '70s show" i discovered from my mother years ago, and "fullmetal alchemist" i first saw with my ex in 2012 or 2013, idk. what type of art could you always appreciate but never see yourself actually doing? surreal stuff. your hair can be any color you want, but it's permanently there. what color do you choose? uhhh... galaxy hair? i wanna do that next, and i find it to be beautiful. who named your pets? ashley named teddy, nicole named cali and bentley, and i named venus. is there a particular reason for their names? ashley thought of "teddy" because she thought he was cute as one. i have no fucking clue where "cali" came from since it's derived from "calico," and she's a boxer. "bentley" has no real story. i named my snake "venus" because their color is similar, and i also found the name majestic. does anyone have anything of yours? jason might. do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? nope. who introduced you to your current significant other? if you’re single, who introduced you to your last ex? i don't know who did, actually. we were introduced because we were kinda in the same friend group. do you think struggles make you stronger? depends on your attitude. how old were you when you started puberty? i don't know. i'm bad with time stamps. how did it make you feel? i was upset, i remember. i cried when i got my first period. i felt like i wasn't a kid anymore. what is your boyfriend/​girlfriend/​crush/​husband listed under in your phone? just "girt" what are you listening to? "champagne supernova" by oasis have you ever liked someone way older than you? no. have you ever had a ufo sighting or a sighting of strange lights in the sky? i don't believe in ufos in the alien sense, but i've seen a strange light. i noticed a star getting bigger every night (i used to walk outside with my ipod every night), and one night, it looked like it was shaking a bit. it was also kinda green. then it seemed to explode, getting pretty bright and bigger and just fizzling out of the sky. it was SUPER cool. i looked up supernovas from earth, but nothing looked exactly like that thing did. have you ever had bronchitis? no, though i totally should've when jason had it. despite him telling me not to, i kissed him a number of times anyway in hopes of helping him cheer up. he was miserable. i have an immune system of steel, but that was still stupid. does anyone in your family go deer or bird hunting? who is it anyway? no. nicole used to go deer hunting with her friend hailee, but they don't really talk anymore to my knowledge. are you someone who is afraid of clowns? what makes you fear them? no. have you ever done time? no. would you ever date anyone that has? nope. have you ever dismissed something and claimed you disliked it before actually trying it? can you give an example of something you dislike but haven’t tried, and why? sushi. i absolutely refuse to try it. i don't like fish, nor do i like seaweed, so. can you name a song from a genre you usually dislike? how come you like this song? "when the stars go blue" by tim mcgraw. i just find it beautiful. have you ever been to one of the great lakes? i think i might've when i was very, very young and went to michigan. do you know anyone who has had a heart attack?  my late grandpa had over 10 very minor heart attacks, i think, according to a doctor. i can't remember the exact number (s)he said. if you got pregnant young, would you get married to the guy who got you pregnant, or for guys, if you got a girl pregnant at a young age, would you marry her? no. that's a poor reason to get married. if you were dating someone seriously for a long time and were considering marriage, would them not wanting kids or vice versa be a deal-breaker? i don't want kids, so him wanting kids would obviously be an issue. could you date someone with no job, no car and no goals? i don't care about a car. i could date someone on disability if they actually needed it, but i couldn't date someone who simply doesn't want a job. i also probably couldn't date anyone who had NO goals. how old is the last person you kissed? he's 23-24, not sure... where was your mom born? flushing, queens, new york. pretty sure. have you ever seen your siblings naked? i know i have with nicole because we took baths together as little kids, then after she takes a shower now, she'll sometimes come into the living room naked to grab clothes without a towel sometimes?? dunno why. she has literally no shame though and it's amazing lol. do you take vitamins? if so, what kinds? no. what’s your favorite flavor of sun chips? i loathe sun chips. favorite kind of m&ms? normal ones. are you afraid of roller coasters? yes. i'm afraid of puking. do/did you enjoy it when your school would have pep rallies? no, i loathed them. i never even went if they occurred in a period where i was close to the teacher because they gave me anxiety. do you see more of your mom or dad’s side of the family more? mom's. i haven't seen anyone on dad's side since i was little. do you say bless you when someone sneezes? even if you don’t know who it is? yes, and sometimes. if the opportunity arose, would you ever go to a nude beach? do you think you’d be comfortable enough, being naked among others like that? no. even if i was in good shape, i wouldn't be comfortable. have you ever seen an animal give birth? have you ever had a pet give birth before?  i've seen some of our old cats give birth various times. would you date someone who still lived with their parents? yes. would you watch a porno with your partner? no. would you be okay with your partner hanging with their ex as friends? this is probably bitchy to say, but i'm not sure i'd be okay with that. would you tie up a partner if they asked you to do so? i don't know. what is one unique thing you’re afraid of? whale sharks. no animal needs a mouth that big. D: do you know anyone in the military? what is your relationship to them? yeah, leon. acquaintance from high school. what will your next tattoo be of? probably "hakuna matata" with the anxiety ribbon beside it. will probably be on my other collarbone. have you ever kissed anybody who had a mustache? he shaved, but sometimes he'd have a mild one. what’s your favorite type of milk? chocolate, if you include that, but if not, like 2% what are three girls’ names that you really like? alessandra, chloe, evelyn. what are three boys’ names that you really like? vincent, luther, victor. what is the most beautiful scenery you have ever beheld? mountains<3 do you pray? rarely. what’s your favorite type of tree? weeping willows. does your pet wear a collar? yes. thinking of the person in your family you have the worst relationship with, what makes it so difficult? my grandma. she's very closed-minded, old-fashioned, and rather high-class. have you ever outwardly wished someone the best but inwardly wished that they would be unhappy? shamefully, yes. would you have an abortion if you would otherwise die in childbirth? with my newfound adjustment to my stance on abortion, i really don't know. if i am being 110% honest, i think if i was presented with this issue... ugh, i don't know. probably, if it was guaranteed i'd die. i just don't think it's fair that someone should have to die for someone. do you enjoy competition shows? sometimes. what kind of side dish do you prefer to eat your chicken with? fries. do you have a pinterest account? yes. have you ever seen the television show "the munsters"? MOM AND I USED TO WATCH IT ALL THE TIME OMGGGG what is the saddest movie that you’ve ever seen? uhhh, not sure. what’s your favorite type of seafood? (i.e. shrimp, lobster, etc.) i only ever enjoy shrimp prepared in certain ways. tell me five facts about your father. 1.) he's a mailman; 2.) he's from ohio; 3.) his name's kenneth, but everyone calls him ken; 4.) he's married to an awesome woman named kim; 5.) he loves fishing. where do your grandparents live? michigan, and my grandma technically lives in florida, but stays with her son's family in new york a lot. what's your favorite big cat?  by the traditional definition, tigers, but i looked it up to be sure of what was included and apparently more than i thought were involved. with the expanded list, snow leopards. do you like classic rock or modern rock better? classic. does your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush smoke pot? to my knowledge, he's never smoked anything. what is something that you hate to do every day? take my heartburn med, because it tastes awful. what does your mom call you? "brittany" or "britt" if you could have one language, one habit, and one skill “downloaded” straight into your brain, what would they be? german, exercising, and cooking. do you pay rent to your parents? no, considering i don't get paid to begin with. who is the most stubborn person you know {excluding yourself}? colleen. is working with animals something you enjoy? how about working with people? what would be your ideal work environment? i love being with animals, but i've proven i can't work with people. and then there's the fact with most jobs where you work with animals, other humans are involved. so i guess my ideal work environment would be something completely solo. when was the last time you deeply disagreed with someone's opinion on something? did you say anything about it?  so there's a survey taker on livejournal (where i get a lot of the surveys i take) and she is literally the bitchiest, most stuck-up, rudest person i have ever come across. there have been multiple occasions where i have seriously considered making an account there just to tell her to grow the fuck up, but no, i've never said anything. who was the last person you slow danced with, and to what song? jason, "stairway to heaven" by led zeppelin how do you decide which surveys to take?  i don't do bolding surveys, nor do i pick ones with really fucking stupid questions. name a very rare item that you would love to own. i would fucking ADORE to have one of the "shadow of the colossus" figurines that came out for a short time in japan. that would be a dream come true. are you good at memorizing phone numbers? no. literally the only number i have memorized is my mom's. do you like men/women who have a sensitive side? yes. do you think it’s possible to be in a long relationship without having sex? i was in a relationship for almost four years without it, so. what’s the song that reminds you of your special someone? idk. talk about how you feel about each of your exes.  i'm going to include everyone who ever had the title of "boyfriend," so let's start from the top. i have no ill feelings towards aaron whatsoever. it was puppy love, and he was an amazing friend. i truly hope he finds all the happiness in the world. juan? jesus christ. he's going to end up in prison one day; he needs to get his shit together. i hold no feelings towards him and he annoys me more than anything. as for jason, he made me extremely happy once upon a time and i'll never forget him, but he became a very ugly person and i no longer hold any remnants of feeling for him. tyler, i never did hold proper feelings towards him and still don't and wish those few weeks never even happened. he needs to learn he's never going to find happiness romance-wise if he continues to be so obsessive. how would you react if you had a particularly unusual pain or ache? i get nervous and ask my mom about it. is there anything that people always tell you that you should do? (ex - “you should be an artist!”) yes, to be an artist. what was the best year of your life? it might actually be this one! just because of how far i've come. what is something that many people seem to have in life that you don’t? does it bother you or does it not really affect you? at my age? a considerable level of independence. i don't drive, i don't have a job, i don't understand and can't do many things people of my age should be able to do. yes, it bothers me, and it bothers me a lot. is there anything that has been drilled into your brain since you were young & you finally decided to stop listening to? how did it feel once you decided to listen to yourself over what you were told? the first thing that comes to mind is that me being told via my religion that homosexuality is wrong. i went about 19 or 20 years believing it was, though please note, i never hated or even disliked those in the lgbt community. then i was listening to a rhett & link podcast where they were talking to hannah hart, and she went into her history of coming out as gay, and despite having no real connection to her, i felt her story. it just made me start questioning myself more heavily, which i had done about a billion times before. i finally decided that i just couldn't see how it was "wrong;" jesus himself supposedly claimed that some people were born as such (he used a word with multiple definitions, but the most common one referred to gay individuals), but honestly, even if that wasn't biblical, i would've stilled changed my mind about my stance. i fail to believe there is anything wrong with two individuals sincerely loving each other just because science says they can't reproduce. the ability to love comes from the heart, not the chromosomes you're given. okay i'm rambling. anyway, i felt honestly massively relieved when i realized my true opinion. if you are currently in a relationship, what is one thing that seems to be unique or different about your relationship with this person, compared to other relationships in general? if you are currently single, is this more of a choice or is it more just the way things are going, not really something you chose? if you are neither “single” or officially in a relationship, what are your feelings on your current situation? i think a unique thing about the two of us is how long we were friends first. most relationships begin at the early friend stage, but we waited seven years. we went into this with a far deeper understanding of each other. do you feel that it is acceptable to hang out with the preferred sex alone when in a relationship (besides with your significant other, of course)? is this something that does or might cause problems in a relationship for you? no, i don't have an issue with it. girt and i did this occasionally while i was with jason, and nothing ever came of it while we were together. when you feel jealousy, how do you deal with it? just that: deal with it. let it roll over. do you like the feeling of relying on or being emotionally attached to somebody or do you try to avoid that feeling? this doesn’t just mean in relationships, but being close with people in general. after jason, i avoid that shit like the plague. the one thing you want people to remember about you? that i never gave up. a habit you want to break? immediately assuming the worst. the most encouraging thing someone’s said to/done for you? we don't talk anymore, but for some reason, that one time chelsea told me how beautiful i was and that i deserved everything in the world stuck with me. just the way she said it is something i won't forget. how do you pursue a love interest? are you active or passive about it? i'm passive as fuck. i don't make the moves. you (and your friends or s/o) are free tonight! where do you go? and/or the best party/event you’ve ever been to? this actually makes me think back over a year ago when girt, colleen, bradley, and i went out to eat together and colleen and i got our matching tattoos. that was a blast. 10/10 would do again. and knowing us, if we were all free and wanted to get together one day, we'd probably just chill at colleen's house. worst thing you’ve done to avoid someone on social media, or just in general? probably just pretend to be offline. i haven't gone to extreme measures. worst memory you’ve ever had? and/or worst thing you’ve ever done to someone? my worst memory is the night jason left. i can essentially give you a play-by-play of it. i don't know the worst thing i've ever done to someone. a song that never fails to lift up your feelings? mainly due to memories, "closer" by the chainsmokers makes me smile. colleen and i will never NOT sing it lol. just a lot of memories of riding with her and chels and singing. and i don't sing a lot. how do you fall in love? do you fall fast and hard for someone or does it take time for you to fall in love? with jason, i fell pretty fast. with my current boyfriend, i'm taking it slow as hell. what’s the hardest thing you’ve had to give up? i actually used to say jason, but the previous answer to this survey changed my mind to "my mental health." my mental health went downhill at a young age, and it ultimately caused far more turmoil than jason alone. who do you look up to? name those (living, dead, fictional, real, etc.) who have inspired you in life. a lot of people have inspired me. but the person who inspires me most is mark fischbach. he came from nothing and became youtube's "most influential" gamer for a reason. his outlook on life is something i really respect and he's just overall the kind of good person i hope i can be, and i could only wish to be that ambitious. steve irwin is also one of my biggest inspirations; his love for animals was unparalleled, and i will always appreciate him for teaching me so much about them. he died doing what he adored. i also look up to link neal & rhett mclaughlin (grouping them together 'cuz let's be real they're essentially the same person tbh); they are so endlessly creative and unique and quirky. i also find it inspiring that they, too, came from north carolina of all boring-ass places, yet they made it big. ugh i look up to so many more that i'm blanking atm. what is something (show, book, song, person, etc.) that you are currently unhealthily obsessed with? i will forever be obsessed with mark, rhett, link, meerkats, and "silent hill" @_@ which overrated tattoo are you sick of seeing? personally, i believe if you want a tattoo that means something to you, get it. but nevertheless, i'm still sick of seeing dreamcatchers and infinity symbols. do you know anybody whose initials spell something?  ashley's used to spell "and" before she got married. how many entryways are there into your living room? three: front door, from my room, from the kitchen. have you been hit on by someone that was already in a relationship? yes. are you indecisive? unbelievably. has a guy ever admitted that you hurt him? jason's teared up before when arguing, so in a way i assume i did. when was the last time you ate at burger king? it's been years. i don't really like it. if you have pets, have they ever needed surgery? no. under what circumstances would you donate a kidney? if my mom needed one and no one else was willing. she only has one, so losing the one she has now would be a big issue, to put it lightly. is it possible to love someone if you don't love yourself? i hate this fucking question. obviously. i hated myself when i was with jason, yet i adored him. if you have facebook, are you guilty of fanning countless things? you have no idea how much shit i used to "fan." whom are you subscribed to on youtube, and when did you subscribe? there's a number of people i'm subscribed to and actually watch, so, i'll go through the list. markiplier: i would annoy literally everyone if i went into every detail as to why i watch him and make a 10-paragraph explanation so i'm just going to answer this with "everything" lol. i subscribed in either 2012 or 2013, i forget. good mythical morning & rhett and link: they host a very entertaining and sometimes educational show that never fails to surprise. they're wonderful people and deserve all the support in the world. i watch their music channel because their songs tend to be quirky and also catchy as fuck and i also just want to support my north carolina babes. subscribed in early 2016. pewdiepie: he's unlike anyone else on the planet and has always been very funny to me, albeit sometimes immature. he's evolved wonderfully to having a sense of humor i really enjoy. i subscribed in 2012 or 2013 again, though i remember it was before mark. 8bitryan/8bitgaming: i really enjoy ryan's silliness and his editing style appeals to me. he's a total goof that i find enjoyable to watch. i enjoy bazamalam on 8bitgaming too, but tbh i mainly watch it for ryan lol. i subscribed to ryan first early this year, and then 8bitgaming a little while later. timmy timato: he's like the happiest person ever and is very entertaining. despite having no interest in cooking, i find his diys very unique, and i'm always curious to see what he makes. really disliked when he started adding inconceivably childish songs in his timeskips, though. but regardless, i find him extremely funny. subscribed last year thanks to my friend alex. game grumps: danny and arin are the funniest people i've ever heard. they're just overall hilarious to me, simple as that. subscribed literally last month, despite being a fan of them for a while due to their videos with mark. joe santagato: also just very funny; his reactions to shit is priceless. subscribed last year due to being exposed to him by my friend alyssa. i'm subscribed to like... over 100 others, mostly amv makers, but i don't actively watch. do your parents swear? dad does, mom doesn't much and mostly avoids "fuck" unless she's pissed. name all the movies you remember crying during while watching them. i've never liked sobbed at any movie, but i know i've teared up to "the notebook," "a walk to remember," "titanic," i think "marley and me," and i know good and well there are more. are you excited to pick out your wedding dress one day? kinda. i think it'd be cool to see various different ones until i find the one that just makes sense, but i hate trying things on and most of all, i do fucking not want some random woman helping me get dressed and undressed. awkward. how many weddings have you been to? three that i remember: randi's, lolita's, ashley's. what is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? break up with me over fucking facebook messenger after dating for almost four years. are you afraid that one day you might get cancer? yes. i'm not actively scared of it, but i still worry about it, considering a number of people in my family have had it. what do you do at a party? i don't go to parties. what is your relationship with your pets? i could never love my own human child more than i love teddy. i adore him in every way and he is absolutely my son. he's such an amazing dog. venus is my baby, too. snakes have always been special to me, but she specifically is even moreso. she's so calm and friendly. cali is okay. she's too active for me personally and she is a HORRENDOUS begger, which is my biggest pet peeve with animals. she doesn't listen, either. bentley, i just don't like. i don't hate him, no, but i just don't like him. he's the most hyper creature on planet earth, he's obnoxious in general, he barks at everything, he's impossible to house train, he doesn't listen, he begs, he just... annoys me. does it matter to you if your boy/girlfriend drinks? if he drinks anymore than occasionally, yes. i wouldn't even tolerate regular drinking. do you think abortion should be illegal? no. it wouldn't stop abortions; it would only send us back to times when things like coathanger abortions were common, and that would only result in more deaths than just the child. how many siblings does your significant other have? he has one sister named ashley. have you ever done three or more shots in a row? i've never done shots. do not want. i don't like the taste of alcohol, and with how concentrated they are, i already know i'd hate them. have you ever shared a shower or bath with someone as an adult? no, also do not want. taking a shower is my personal time to get clean, i don't want someone else around me. do you have any strapless bras? hunny, i'm plus-sized. a strapless bra would be a bad idea lol. do either of your parents text? they both do. dad's really bad at it though so usually calls. what health problems occur in your family? high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, depression, cancer is in question, asthma, and i know i'm forgetting some... have you ever participated in s&m? noooo, not interested whatsoever. what do you most disagree on with your best friend? omg true shit colleen hates markiplier (her husband loves him) so realistically i should shun her lmao. okay no seriously our biggest disagreement is either her racism or firm dislike of gay marriage. with sara, i'm not sure? most of our beliefs are similar, but i don't know all of hers. what is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? GIVE ME "THE INCREDIBLES 2" NOW if you ever think about getting married, what are some aspects of the wedding that you would like to see in a non-traditional manner (e.g., a different color dress or “partners” over “husband” and “wife”)? i might wear black. i also don't want to get married in a church. if you could marry any celebrity today who would it be? i wouldn't. i mean sure, i like some celebs, but it's not like i personally know them. if you were pregnant, how long would you wait to write something about it on facebook? after it was confirmed by a doctor. what's your favorite kind of lip piercing? (monroe, labret, snakebites, etc.) i like vertical labrets like mine. what’s the best valentine’s day gift you’ve gotten? jason pretty much went all-out and got me roses, a box of chocolates, and a copy of "heavy rain," which i'd really been wanting to play. it was super sweet. do you drink ginger ale when you are not sick? no. i sip it when my stomach's upset, but if i'm not sick, it makes me feel so. ever been homeless? technically, but i stayed with a friend during this time. have you ever had feelings for two people at the same time? if so, were you in a relationship with one of the two people? and if so, did you feel guilty about it? once upon a time, i was torn between jason and juan, and i ended up dating jason. thank the lord god almighty i didn't go for juan. where would you rather go: greece or hawaii? probably greece. ever seen a burning building in person? yes. when i lived in sharpsburg, there was an awful house fire diagonal to us. did you vote in the last presidential election? nope. hated everyone. if someone tells you a really juicy gossip right now, would you pass it on? i'm not ten, thanks. who is the last person that asked to hang out with you? my boyfriend.do you call it fall or autumn? autumn, usually. how do you deal with oppressive heat? stay the fuck inside or whine like a bitch if i'm forced to be in it.if you're home alone and someone knocks on the door, what do you do? i don't answer. my family knows if they need to get in, text me. i'm too afraid to even look out the window when i'm home alone and someone knocks.what's one book that you have read that will stick with you forever? "johnny got his gun" by dalton trumbo. have you ever dated someone who eventually turned up gay, or straight if they were once gay? actually, i think so. i'm like 90% sure aaron's gay. do you eat onion rings? i can only tolerate a couple bites of onion rings from certain places. when you get a headache do you take painkillers right away or try to wait it out? depends on severity. i'll normally lie down if it's time for bed or if i haven't napped that day, i might grab a cold washcloth, or i'll take meds if it's bad enough. do you think pigs are cute or ugly? i fucking love pigs okay. what’s your favorite thing to do? write. if the last female you talked to told you that she was pregnant, what would you say to her? well, that would be my mother, and considering she's been through menopause and is also not with anyone, i'd be real fucking confused. if the last male you talked to told you that he was going to be a father, what would you say to him? that would be my boyfriend, and considering he's sure as hell not going to be one because of me, we'd be breaking up. how’s your online personality different from your offline personality? i'm way more outgoing online, as well as usually more talkative. i'm more open. have you ever assisted in a birth? omg no and i never will. call it a miracle all you want, it's fucking disgusting. first song that comes onto your iPod when you go to shuffle. "happy together" by filter. have you ever fought with someone over a guy? i'm so lucky to have never had to face that issue. do you prefer "the simpsons" or "family guy"? i don't really watch either, but "family guy." what was your middle school’s mascot? cobras. who is your favorite super hero? batman. what’s one meal that you like to eat whilst sick? not a meal, but i tend to like jell-o. i don't eat a lot when i'm sick. who provokes your sarcastic side the most? my boyfriend, easily. what’s your favorite type of insect? butterflies. what’s your LEAST favorite type of insect? RHINOCEROS BEETLES OH MY FUCKING- what’s your favorite way to eat nutella? just on a spoon like a fatass @_@ how many vowels are there in your first name? two, unless you say it like a weirdo. what’s your opinion of root beer? omg pls no have mercy. disgusting. who do you talk to every day no matter what? my mama. have you ever been attracted to someone’s parent? pretty sure no. have you ever pole danced before? no, nobody wants to see me do that ha ha. no shit though, last month colleen asked me if i wanted to go to a class together just for shits and giggles. i thought she was out of her damn mind. what song are you playing now, or wish you were playing? "pumped up kicks" by foster the people. i've been listening to music like mad lately. has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry? i don't know, not sure. i think the closest was chester bennington's, though, because he was so important to my childhood. there are celebs whose deaths i know will make me cry, though. has the same sex ever undressed in front of you? my best friend and sister. has the opposite sex ever done that? my ex would so long he still had boxers on. is it ever okay to hit a child? when is this? fuck no. i don't even support spanking. are any of your siblings married? what are their spouses' names? ashley's husband's name is nick. how many times have you been cussed out? plenty of times online, once in real life. are you anyon​e’​​​​s first​ love? i highly doubt it. how many houses have you lived in? four. well, i kinda lived in the apartment, but not technically. have you ever had a cavity? yes. your regrets: are they mostly things you HAVE done, or haven’t? haven't. can you ride a bike with no handlebars? i used to be able to, but not anymore. are there any songs you really like, but don't like certain parts of it (lyrics, beat, etc.)? yes. particularly the intros to "brickhouse 2000" by rob zombie & "more human than human" by white zombie. fucking disgusting. i skip them if i can. have you ever taken someone's virginity? considering i'm a virgin, no. do you think suits are sexy? y e s when and why did you move out of your parents’ home? i haven't yet. have you ever tried to be friends with someone who broke your heart? yeah. didn't go over well. what are your best friend(s)'s siblings' names? sara has a brother named luke and another brother whose name i can't remember, and colleen has a sister named chelsea and a half-brother named bobby. if you suffer from any kind of illness/disorder: if you were able, would you choose to cure yourself? why or why not? of course i would?? i don't think this needs explaining?? at which point in your life were you the most healthy? the least? physically? when i was like... 16 or 17. i was 120 pounds and just really fit in general. least, i don't know, probably the beginning of this year because abilify essentially ruined my life. mentally, i was healthiest as a child. least healthy, also the beginning of this year. have you met your crush/s.o.'s parents? i'll hopefully be meeting his mom in october. his dad is dead. do horror movies scare you more when they're 'based on a true story'? no, because i doubt most are. have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? i've seen dad drunk plenty of times, once with my mom. she denies she was drunk, but she totally was. (if your parents are married), do you know where they got engaged? they're not married anymore, but their engagement was the least romantic thing ever lol. to my knowledge, my dad literally just told my mom they should get married after one of their friends did lmao. would your mom make a good president? NO. she's too emotional for that. are you attracted to confident/outgoing people, or quiet/reserved people? i can go either way, but in general, confident/outgoing because i'm the quiet/reserved one. is there an outfit that you wear much more frequently than any other?  i tend to wear my otep shirt quite a bit because it's just really comfy. when's the last time you ALMOST cried, but didn't? when i was listening to "given up" by linkin park and the lyric "put me out of my misery" came up. with chester's suicide just passing, i don't know, it hit me. i've mostly been avoiding listening to them lately (i've been listening to my itunes a lot lately), but i really felt like listening to the song. what makes up your ancestry? german, irish, and polish. considering my last name is scottish though, i wonder if we have scottish origins on my dad's side. have you ever witnessed either of your parents being heartbroken? mom after the divorce. she tried and still tries to mask it with anger, but i see through it. how many people of the opposite sex have you said ‘i love you’ to? just one romantically. have you ever watched the sun rise? yes. i remember one occasion years ago where me, nicole, and her best friend allison stayed up all night, and it was a blast. we went walking down the path in the middle of the night like idiots and then at sunrise, and then we jumped into the pool lol. mom woke up because she heard us outside and was so confused ha ha. your ex REALLY needs you at 3 am and you have a way to their house - would you? only if it was a life or death situation. who’s the person you’ve known the longest online? that i'm still in contact with, pretty sure emma. what’s the worst color tattoo to get? why? technically white. the color doesn't stand out well. well, if you're white. do you keep track of your pets’ birthdays?  i only know teddy's, which is november 1st. what do your siblings do for a living? katie decorates cakes; she's very talented. i don't know what bobby, misty, and tiffany do. ashley is a radiographer and mammographer. nicole is a dance instructor. would you date a 18 year old at the age you are now? nope. what about 30? no. who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? colleen's brother. what’s your next piercing going to be? nose. what are your views on spontaneous human combustion? i don't know if i believe it or not. know anyone with a substance abuse problem?  i know someone who recently became sober and i'm super proud of her. how does alcohol affect you? i flush badly and my stomach kinda burns. but otherwise, i handle it extremely well. i've never been drunk, anyway. how far away is the closest mcdonald’s from your house? not even five minutes. maybe not even three. forget about toppings. What type of crust do you like on pizzas? T H I C C if you hit an animal while driving, would you stop to see if it was okay? ... i'm pretty sure if i hit an animal with a speeding car, it's not okay?? i'd cry, though. if you have a significant other, how long have you been together? two months now. did you attend sunday school as a child? yep. what is your favorite card game and when was the last time you played it? i don't really like card games, but i guess "magic: the gathering" (thnx jason). i was bad at it, though. i haven't played since jason and i were together. who was the last person you talked to on skype/video chat? my bro sam, but without video. name the last five people that messaged you on facebook, and tell me something about them. morgan: she's been a sweetheart for as long as i've known her and i was super surprised when she contacted me (she wants me to take pictures of her dog in the fall). girt: he's my boyfriend and is just a goof. everett: an old friend that honestly creeps me out sometimes because he acts like he likes me occasionally, but he's too old for me. colleen: one of my best friends that means the world to me. nicole: my little sister.what's your best talent? writing, i guess.are you a fan of anime? sure, some. what illegal things have you done? downloading things, i've probably jaywalked before, drank underage. should there be an application process for having children? no. that would in no way stop humans from reproducing. how intense is your anger? have you ever hurt anyone/yourself? it can be pretty intense, but i usually don't outwardly express it. i have hurt myself. have you ever contemplated cheating on anyone? no, because i actually know a thing or two about loyalty. when you played tic-tac-toe, were you usually the x or o? x. if you were born outside of your era, when would you want to be born and why? the '80s. i love the '80s. well, maybe the '70s, so i'd be older in the '80s to experience more. what do you think is the most over-rated candy ever? snickers. i don't like them. out of your friends, who would you say you are most jealous of, artistically? jax. she's wonderful. most jealous of….intellectually? my boyfriend, actually. he's very intelligent. do you like real heavy metal or recent screamo crap? heavy metal is my favorite genre, but i don't like screamo. i want to understand what i'm hearing. do you like ronnie james dio? very nice, talented man. died too young. do you have a specific gas station you usually go to? or do you stop wherever? mom usually stops at sheetz. how much older than you was the oldest person you have dated/had a relationship with? we only "dated" less than a day, but he was at least four years older. maybe a bit more. what is your opinion on dating someone who already had a child/children from a previous relationship? i personally wouldn't do it. i don't want any semblance of maternal responsibility, especially towards a child that isn't even mine. is marijuana legal for "recreational use" where you live? also what is your opinion on the recent legalization of marijuana in certain states? uhhh i don't know, let me check. *checks and promptly deletes search from history lmao* no, it's not. i don't support its legalization. cigarettes are enough of a problem, you don't need to be smoking other shit with more carcinogens. how often do you typically change your bra? considering i barely go anywhere ever so am almost constantly in pajamas, i barely ever wear a bra lol. but when i do, i'll use it for a few days before changing it because of how briefly i actually wear it. do you usually have bad symptoms around "that time of the month"? not really, no, ever since i started birth control. i get mild or sometimes kinda severe abdominal cramps and sometimes a headache. i have to pee like constantly. that's pretty much it. is your hair thick or thin? would you say it's easy to manage? literally every hairdresser i've ever seen always says it's like the thickest hair they've ever seen lol. and no, because it's so thick. have you ever had to deal with any type of long distance relationship, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship? most of my friendships are long-distance. how do you feel about being called sweetie/dear/honey/etc.? so long it's not "babe" or "baby," i'm fine with it, and it's usually endearing. what would you say is your worst habit?  catastrophizing/always assuming the absolute worst. laziness. procrastinating. is chest hair a turn-on? not excessive to me, but i don't particularly care about appearances. what’s your mom’s middle name? marie. have either of your parents ever had an affair? mom claims dad did, but it's not like she hasn't lied about shit dad's done before. dad suspected she did with mike, but i know she hasn't. what made you pick up the last book you started reading? i didn't pick it myself. mom just brought me a book that was supposedly interesting while i was in the hospital. the last book i picked myself was because the lich king is one of my favorite wow characters. hypothetically and generally speaking, how would you go about breaking up with someone? is there anything you would make sure to say, or perhaps not say? be honest as to why i was breaking up with him. what i would say would depend on the situation. are there any fictional characters you like even though they’re “bad” or “evil?” what qualities draw you to a character? of course there is. i like realistic, flawed characters. is there anything you’ve promised yourself you’ll never do again? multiple things, and i'm keeping that promise. as a kid, what was your favorite playground activity? the swings. how many people in your life have you kissed? three, when it should've only been two. what is a movie that you heard about recently that you do NOT want to see? hm, i'm not sure. i don't really keep up with current movies. what do you do during long trips in the car? listen to music! were you a chubby or thin baby? i was pretty average. has anyone ever called you a good kisser? not those exact words. have you ever wanted to be homeschooled? if so, why? if not, why not? do you know anyone who is, or have you ever been homeschooled yourself? i was homebound for a while in middle school because school deeply depressed me and stressed me out. i have a pair of cousins who were homeschooled for religious reasons. as in, religious to the point they weren't allowed to watch spongebob. and the family wonders why brenna's insane. are you typically a jealous person? i wouldn't say typically, but i can be. do you remember how you felt on 9/11? i don't remember 9/11. who is your ex dating/talking to? i think aaron's with a guy. i don't think juan is with anyone, and he shouldn't be. i'm gonna guess jason's still with ashley. i hope tyler's single until he gets his shit together. are you donating your organs? yes. not like i'm gonna need 'em. ever met any online friends in person? no, but i hope i can this october!! has a boy/girl ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend for you?  yes. we weren't together and never actually met, but it was definitely cheating. do large bodies of water scare you? i'm scared of the ocean/abysmally deep water. like i can be at the shore, but not deep. do you brush your tongue with your tooth brush?  yes?  do people not? if you could have one more pet, what?  i'd get a chameleon, because i don't want only one rat because they're social. what do you order at chik-fil-a?  just the traditional chicken sandwich. have you ever eaten lobster? no.  it'd be interesting to try.  i've had crab legs before though and i didn't like them, so is lobster and crab similar in taste? as a child, what were your favorite games to play?  playing the "spyro the dragon" trilogy obsessively lol.  my favorite card game was "go fish," i think.  i don't remember my favorite board game. are there any hobbies you have that you don't perform in front of others?  i absolutely will not write or draw in front of someone.  i don't like editing my photography in front of others, but i will if i have to. what is your favorite piece of art you own?  do posters count?  then my "silent hill 3" po-... actually, no, my illidan poster.  it's badass. who is your craziest friend? colleen's my favorite crazy bitch <3 what is the one song you could listen to nonstop? none.  i'd get tired of it eventually. do you smile at strangers? i'm not just going to look at a stranger and randomly smile.  if i have a reason to, sure. what’s the one book you think everyone should be required to read? "johnny got his gun" by dalton trumbo.  think twice about war. ever used a ouija board? no.  i don't think i believe they work, but i believe in them enough to not fuck with them. do you believe in karma? no.  not everyone gets what they deserve. ever TRULY wanted to kill someone?  somewhat.  not anymore, thankfully.  i was being the jealous ex-girlfriend. who annoys you more: the people who go crazy over a current popular movie/celebrity/musician/whatever or the people that spend all their time hating on whatever it is?  hating on it.  if people love something, let them love it.  but if you're going to spend all your time bashing something for no apparent reason, please shut up.  it's fine if you don't like something, but you don't have to constantly bitch about it.  let people enjoy things. what are you most against out of the following: the current president/prime minister in your country, the use of drugs & alcohol, capital punishment, owning/using guns, or discrimination of any kind (racism, ageism, sexism, etc.)? why are you against this?  if i had to pick, discrimination.  it's such a basic right to be equals. do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? it's disgusting when anyone gets wasted. is confidence cute? "cute" isn't really the word i'd use for it, but attractive.  but anyway, yes, but not to the point of arrogance. would you ever want to swim with sharks?  no.  i'm not THAT trusting of a predator. who was the last person you danced with?  colleen. which shrek movie was the best?  the second! are pit bulls evil?  fuck off. would you die for any of your pets?  for teddy, yes. have you ever outwardly wished someone the best, but inwardly wished that they would be unhappy?  ... yeah.  not anymore. does your ex-boyfriend/-girlfriend’s new romantic interest know about the things you two did together?  how would i know? do you ever tell your current boyfriend or girlfriend about the things that you did with an ex-partner? i'd tell him if he asked me. have you ever had someone drag his or her nails down your back?  yeah. have you ever met someone you thought was perfect for you, but he or she was already dating someone else?  i had a crush on a guy named sebastian in high school.  he was in a relationship.  they had troubles a lot and i was always there for him to talk. is there any alcohol in your freezer right now? there's beer in the fridge because nicole's "boyfriend" or whatever the fuck he is drinks too much. have you ever been in a physically abusive relationship?  no.  i wouldn't tolerate that shit for a second. if someone left you with a 12 month old baby for a day, could you confidently watch them by yourself? ... you could've just said "one year old?"  but whatever.  no, because i'm not changing a damn diaper. is there any certain style of architecture you really enjoy?  GOTHIC. have you ever made out with someone you weren’t dating? no, i don't roll like that. do you have any interesting tattoos/piercings? people like my semi-colon butterfly and "how rare and beautiful it is to even exist" tats.  my lip ring gets attention, too.  ryder (nephew) appears to love it because he constantly stares at me and smiles and we don't see what else he'd be staring at. are your lips soft? i've been told so, when they feel dry like constantly to me? where are your siblings? katie's in kentucky, bobby's in tennessee, misty's in ohio, no fucking clue where tiffany is, ash and nicole are in nc with us. so, what if you married the last person you kissed?  way, way too early to think about that.  i could see it happening years from now since i don't see any potential issues in our relationship, but certainly not anytime soon. have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? pretty much. why do we put the clocks one hour forward or one hour back? i was told in high school it has something to do with the government wanting to conserve power and that there's no scientific reason.  don't even know if that's true. is your ex older or younger than you? i think aaron's a bit younger (i could be wrong), juan's older, jason's older, i don't know if tyler was younger or older. would you eat a live spider for one million dollars?  how big are we talking?  is it venomous? ever been kicked out of your home?  no. what's your biggest "what if"? "what if i'm never successful?" most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?  who says everyone's attracted to their opposite gender?  but james hetfield from metallica.  i don't give a fuck if he's in his 50s. @_@ can insanity bring on more creativity?  obviously, but not always in a good way. what is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? going to the partial hospitalization program at holly hill. what would you want to be written on your tombstone? i don't know.  to at least give somewhat of an entertaining answer, i know my mom wants "my body lies, but still i roam" on hers.  it's a reference to "wherever i may roam" by metallica. do you know anyone who can fluently speak more than one languages?  juan.  probably others. what animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have?  ferret, but they're too much work. have you ever had any really infected injuries? no. are you too shy to tell people when you’re developing feelings for them? yessir. what did your dress for prom look like?  first was maroon.  second was black. what're all the enemies from games that have ACTUALLY scared you?  the clickers from "the last of us" are high up on the list.  fucking disgusting and terrifying concept.  pyramid head when i played "silent hill 2" the first time and he chased you down the corridor in the hospital freaked me out, but he himself i found more cool than scary.  there's this one, totally insignificant guy in the first "outlast" that really creeped me out- the guy in a straitjacket that followed you around asking to be your friend or something like that.  also the groom (i don't remember if he had an actual name) from the first "outlast" dlc was by far the most fucked-up villain in any game i have ever played, although he didn't actually scare me.  the keeper from "the evil within" was fucking creepy with how he stormed towards you, although he himself also didn't scare me; like pyramid head, i thought he was more cool than anything.  regenerators from "resident evil 4" are fucking terrifying.  the xenomorphs from "alien: isolation" are horrific because they're so realistic and have the best ai i've like ever seen of any monster in a game.  fucking scp-096, scp-173, and scp-049 from "scp containment breach" are goddamn horrifying.  they're the three biggest reasons i can't play that damn game lol.  i've played a lot of good horror games, so there's a good number. what do you like about the lead singer from your favorite band?  i don't really know anything about jeremy (ad2r), jonathan (korn), and til (rammstein), so.  as for ozzy, i adore him for how far he's come as a person, and he's also just a very silly individual.  james (metallica) is an amazing person who has opinions i respect.  i don't know much about dani (cradle of filth), but boy does he write amazing lyrics.  all i know about him personally is i'm pretty sure i've seen him say he's a satanist, which i don't exactly respect.  i honestly don't like much about manson as he's a mostly repulsive person, but i do enjoy how brazenly unique and shameless he is.  as for otep, i respect how strong she is, coming from a childhood of abuse, but for the most part, she's honestly an intolerant bitch (her facebook is a mess). would you ever wish to explore a cave?  GOALS ever been in a room so messy you couldn’t sit on the floor?  yup.  i've been in two hoarders' houses and i nearly cried. do you care if guys have long hair?  ... you know it's 2017, right? do you care if girls have short hair?  again, 20fucking17. what would you do if you found out you were dating a vampire?  ... is it bad if vampires were real, i'd probably find that to be super cool? are any of your pets “overweight”?  no.  why the quotations? has anyone ever bought you a ring?  mom, colleen, and jason are the only ones i remember. which one of your friends is the most brutally honest?  colleen, easily. what is your absolute favorite band?  ozzy osbourne. when, if ever, did you start liking beer? i've never tried beer and don't want to.  it smells awful and reminds me of when dad was an alcoholic. what was the best thing your mum/dad/guardian used to make?  my dad makes great eggs.  right now, nothing my mom makes that is really unique in flavor or something comes to mind. what’s your comfort food?  ice cream. how do you like your eggs? scrambled and cheesy or as an omelette. where do you buy most of your food? walmart or harris teeter.  ht is easier since mom works there, but we prefer walmart brand stuff. what fish do you like?  i don't really like fish.  i remember YEARS ago i had striper and though it was good, though.  i think i liked crappie, too, though i got a bone stuck in my throat lol. what meats have you eaten besides cow, pig and poultry?  nothing that comes to mind except fish, since we just mentioned it.  i've never eaten anything even remotely strange, really. what’s your favorite restaurant? olive garden.  i also love buffalo wild wings. would you date someone who’s shorter than you?  i hate this fucking question and don't understand when i see people say "no."  who the fuck cares how tall someone is. would you go out with your best friend’s ex?  only if she was sincerely okay with it and i really liked the dude.  i wouldn't if they were a serious couple, though.  that'd be weird. have you ever taken a racy photo for a sweetie?  awww, that's so cute how you wrote it as "sweetie" lol.  but no. are you friends with your sweetie’s friends? not yet.  i don't know most of his friends.  well, we had some of the same friends in high school, but neither of us really talk to them now. have you ever been tested for stds? no. have you ever run into your ex with his/her new sweetie? no.  that would've been a  t r a i n w r e c k  before.  even still, it would make me uncomfortable. have you ever felt guilty after doing something sexual? yep. have you ever lied about your sexual past? no.  i don't have much to hide. what is your significant other listed under in your phone? just his name.  am i a bad girlfriend? assuming you’re not a saint, have you ever shoplifted?  no, i'm an angel. when/where did you meet your first love?  sophomore year of high school. what’s your favorite feature of the person you’re currently interested in?  his sense of humor.

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