idk who needs to hear this today, but don't go lurking on ex friends and partners. nothing you see or read will make you feel better there. all you're doing is hurting your own feelings. leave them in the past and do your best to move on with your own life, to make what you have now happier rather than dwelling on things that used to be (:
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nobody talks about friendship breakups enough. that shit hurts.
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Sometimes friendships just fall apart. Nobody's made a mistake. Nobody's been betrayed. It's just over. Silence grows and creates a hole in your heart until you're ready to meet a new friend.
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on recurring dreams about a long-dead, but longer-living friendship. — the orangery literary society 🍊 [ transcript below the cut; ask to be added to my tag list ]
[ID: a screenshot of a poem typed out in black font over a white background. the poem reads: "Mycelium", by Ieva Dapkevicius
Two years gone, yet she
insistently returns, like a tongue to a cavity,
unable to leave decay untouched. There she is,
unavoidable as she was in waking hours:
big sister growing like a bitter weed,
not-sister calling my mother auntie,
calling my insecurities by name.
I still dream of her
relentlessly, and in each dream
I am relieved to let go of this
forgotten wound —
rotten fruit heaped on a platter of silver flattery,
wearing a fur-coat of jealous green.
Despite the bitterness on my tongue,
each night we are friends again,
unexplainably, and each morning
I have to cut myself free from the mycelium
of nostalgia growing over my sleeping body. ]
tag list: @arairah @beelovd @bies-from-wildland @sealavender @muddyviolets @wrenling @linkedsoul @fithragaer
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i imagine sitting you down, looking you straight in the eye and saying “you hurt me more than anyone else has.” it’s not an accusation. it’s not a gloat. i say it with the sad smile of some broken pottery put back together with superglue and cracks still visible
i know you didn’t meant to hurt me. i know you had to do what was right for you. but it was still cruel how you destroyed any hope of me being happy in this place.
it’s okay now. i’m leaving soon. i just imagine what it would be like had you never said that to me and we lived that life we planned
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And losing a lover
Is not so painful
I have had a thousand loves
Come and go
And I walked out breathing, each time
But a friend like you
Is rarer than any jewel
And I let you fall through shaking fingers
Like sand
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still trying to recover from losing people that don’t think about me, as if it’s not absolutely traumatic🥴
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Its pathetic really, if you ask me, you decided that i wasnt enough for you anymore and left. But you replaced me with someone with the same personality- they like the same bands, artists, books and so many other things as me. Whats the difference between us? That theyre them and I’m me ?
I guess friends do really break your heart at the end.
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when you’re my age
the internet usually has the answers
to most complications
but when i look up
“how to break up with someone
you never dated”
google thinks i’m searching for something else
and maybe i am
maybe i am
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You told me you liked the bump on my nose so I got it done
You said my short hair was pretty so I grew it out to my hips
I threw away my favorite shade of lipstick because it was yours too
I don’t want any part of me to be recognizable to you
I don’t want to look like I was loved by you
I want to be me before your words and feelings carved out my entire personality.
- s.r.
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