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killthewhisperingart · 6 months

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"It's Cold Without You"

Pairing: Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x reader

Word Count: 2,452

Summary: A perfect description of your psyche while your husband is gone, would be the color blue. When he leaves, he takes the warmth with him, dragging the color orange behind himself, only bringing it and the sunrise upon his return.

Warning(s): Angst and descriptive thoughts of anxiety and death

A/N: It's a little abrupt, but I really wanted to post something. And I also wanted to express a specific energy (my requests r still open)

I am an 18+ Blog.

The house is cold. Maybe it's the slow approach of Winter, or the fact that the heater was busted and you refused to call someone to fix it. But the house wasn't as warm as it usually was. You stopped using the lamps with yellow bulbs, instead opting for either the blinding overhead light, or no light at all. The curtains were perpetually drawn, closing your bedroom off from the world outside, closing you off from the world outside.

Everyday is the same thing on repeat, go to work only to return home. But no matter where you are, you're always miserable. When you're at work you want nothing more than to be at home, wrapped in a blanket of silence and warmth. Though, when you're at your house, you feel lonelier than ever, longing for the human connection of your job and coworkers.

It isn't always like this, the chill in the air. The chill that settles so deeply within your bones your teeth chatter, it isn't typically present. And you know why it's here, but admitting it feels colder than the wind that hits you harshly when you walk outside. Saying it out loud, or even thinking about it for too long makes you feel... shitty, for lack of a better word to describe yourself in your head.

You don't tell him the problems you're having. You especially would never tell him why you are having these issues. Because you know him, inside and out, and you know he'll feel guilty. But you also know yourself well enough to be aware of the fact he knows you just the same. He would so easily see through the facade you have created, look through the walls you've built up as if they were a window pane. This is why you've been dodging his calls, and why he currently thinks you are sick with the flu.

You simply wait, counting the days until he's home, begging time will move faster. And while you lay in bed alone, ponder on the idea that perhaps you're wasting your life. You know it's pathetic, the fact your existence is dependent on the presence of your husband. And you feel horrible, the codependency clawing its way up your throat. It's even worse when you remember you haven't always felt this way, and you don't know what's changed. You don't know why you can't seem to act like yourself when he's gone.

Well, perhaps you do know. You just don't want to admit it. You don't want to admit that you're terrified. You don't want to admit that every time he comes home complaining of a new ailment due to a painful ejection, you get nervous. That every call from one of his superiors, or even one of his colleagues, you have a shock of terror that has your heart beating out of your chest. That you only ever feel comfortable knowing he's alive when he's next to you.

When he's home, it's different. He doesn't realize he does it, but he chases the chill away. The nervousness that wraps itself around your ribs, squeezing until your heart constricts, it lessens. You find yourself distracted by the feeling of his hands on your hips, the pressure of his kisses against your skull, that it all disappears for a moment. But you know, as your ear presses against his chest at night, listening to him breathe, that the problem is still present.

"How do you feel about kids?" He asks one day, standing behind you as you analyze the paint samples for the bathroom after it's remodeling.

And your heart sinks, because you don't know. You don't know if you'd be able to handle a baby with him, let alone when he leaves. How would you be able to calm a crying baby when you consider yourself one when he's gone?

How would you be able to handle his death...?

You think about it a lot. The idea that he will fall to his demise the same way his father did, leaving the same trauma his dad left him, on the child you two have. But you don't know if you're as strong as Carole Bradshaw. You never considered yourself a weak person, but that's what he does. Bradley makes you weak, and you don't know if you'd survive his death. If you'd be able to go on with your life, go back to normal. You don't know if you'd be able to handle your own grief, not to mention teaching your child how to do so.

You don't give him an answer that day, and he lets it go. He's good at that; letting go. It was always something you admired about him, his ability to let things slide over him, continuing on easily. The only exception he had ever displayed, was his attitude towards Pete Mitchel, never letting that go. And you can't help but wonder if you'd do the same thing to your child. Would you hold them back? Perhaps beg Jake Seresin to pull your own sons papers because you'd be so blinded by the grief for Bradley, that you'd stop your own child from achieving his dream as well.

Today is a day like any other, the calendar is marked with a bright red heart exactly six days from now. You tell yourself the house will be clean three days prior to his arrival, and the Bronco will be washed the day before, and you will be presentable the day of. But for now, you hide within the comforter that his smell still lingers on. You've taken the week off, avoiding your job with a simple call that ends with a cough you and your manager know is fake.

Bradley is never early. He's a punctual man. He's never late either. He has a talent of showing up to things at the exact time as expected. And you adore this about him, because you're never nervous about when he'll show up. After ten years together, why would you ever think that would change?

He notices the house is darker and colder than normal. He softly drops his duffel by the door, removing his boots slowly before treading towards the lamp in the living room. And the home looks eerily different. He knows you're sick right now, but he questions the extent of it as he takes in the mess.

Almost all of the dishes are piled in the sink, definitely not the amount someone who has been sick for a little over a week would use in that time. His eyes move from the dishes to the rest of the counter, where mail is scattered. He removes himself from the room, drifting into the laundry room where what can only be your entire wardrobe laying haphazardly in front of the washing machine.

It's not that Bradley ever expected you to be the sole proprietor of the household chores, typically every task being traded between the two of you. But this was clearly out of character for you. He always came home to a spotless house, something he dearly appreciated. Internally he wonders if it's his fault, for coming home too early, but he can't help but be concerned.

His chest constricts when he walks into your shared bedroom to find you, curled into the fetal position sleeping. You look exhausted, even though you're sleeping. For a moment he forgets all about the fact that his back hurts, or the fact he's been wanting to sleep in his own bed for almost two months. All he can think of is you.

"Baby," He whispers, a hand softly against your shoulder. "Honey?"

You awake with a sharp intake of breath, heart beating out of your chest in a panic. Realizing it is your husband and not in fact a murderer, does little to quell your anxieties.

"Bradley?" You blurt, springing up. "What are you doing here? It's not the twelfth is it?" You go to reach for your phone, frustration leaking through your voice. "What are you doing home?"

"I came home early," He exhales, brows knitted in concern as you rush around the room. You're clearly distressed, pacing before you finally stop and run your hands down your face.

"Why?" You dare to ask, voice warbling against your will. "Why are you home early?"

"You sounded like you were really sick, and it was only six days-" He clenches his eyes shut before looking at you with his sad eyes. "What's wrong?"

"You aren't supposed to be home yet." You whisper, crossing your arms. Your face crumbles as you remember the state of the house, the state of yourself.

"Baby if you've been sick longer than you told me, we can go to the hospital," He stands up, stepping towards you. "Something can really be wrong-"

"You're not supposed to be home," You repeat, turning it into a mantra under your breath as you cover your eyes. You can feel the slow burn as tears erupt from your eyes, strong emotions wrapping themselves around you like an octopus around a crab. Faintly, you can feel Bradley's hands touch your shoulders, and the way he rubs up and down doesn't feel the way it normally does. His touch burns your skin, itchy and irritating in a way that makes you want to cry harder.

"Will you let me take you to the doctor?"

"Will you shut up about the hospital?" You hiss, your frustration coming to head as you explode. His hands pull away as you look at him with such venom on your tongue, you can taste it. "God! Why are you home?"

His face twists in confusion, then to his own form of irritation matching yours. He doesn't understand, and typically you'd feel bad because it isn't his fault. But he wasn't supposed to be home yet.

"I don't understand." His mouth is slightly agape as he exhales. "I thought you were sick, you weren't answering my calls, you haven't been to work in two weeks-"

"You called my job?"

"I was worried!" He shouts, and you feel itchy again. "I was worried about you! And evidently I needed to be because the house is a mess-"

This strikes a chord within you. The house is yours. Bradley and you share ownership of it, you bought it together, decorated it together, but it's your domain. Every detail is finalized by you, from the color of the floors to the oven you own. It's yours. And it hurts that he points out how you've mistreated it. It hurts on a deeper level that he thinks this. No matter how much you know it's true.

"Don't you dare talk to me about my house." You can hold yourself back, snapping back at him.

"It's a fucking mess!" He points out, and you know. You know it's true. "It's never like this so clearly something is wrong and I'm worried about you!" You don't know what to do, because you had everything planned out, you knew when things were going to be put back-

And he's home early.

You prided yourself on being able to hide this part of your life from him. Being able to disguise your pain behind a mask of stability, pretending nothing had changed. That you hadn't changed. But now that's all gone. He's taken a peak behind the curtain and now the entire illusion falls apart, like ashes between your fingers.

"I just want you to tell me what's wrong." His voice is lower now, and he knows you're avoiding eye contact. "You've been pulling away, and I'm worried."

You can't bring yourself to lift your eyes from the floor to his face, where you know his eyes are bright regardless of the hurt that paints them.

"Is it me?" He asks, bending slightly to try and put his eyes in your line of sight. "Do you not want me anymore? Us?"

"No-" You can see his heart break in his eyes as you look up. "It's not that. No, Bradley, it's not that." You step closer, harshly laughing at yourself. "It's the opposite."

"I don't understand, honey."

"I love you." You whisper, feeling warmer now as his hands slide to your hips. "I love you so much, there's no one else in the world I'd even consider replacing you with. And I can't imagine my life without you."

He watches you apprehensively, eyes darting to your hands and back up to your eyes.

"I'm scared." You finally let it slip, soft like a prayer, quiet like a secret. He tilts his head slightly, practically begging you to elaborate. "I'm scared, when you leave the house for work in the morning. I'm scared when you go on missions-" your voice cracks harshly. "My heart drops every time Mav calls me instead of you, and when someone knocks on the door."

"I don't..."

"I'm scared that you're going to die soon." You blurt, not missing the way his eyes widen.

"Baby, I'm not going to die-"

"Do you think Goose told Carole that?" You ask, knowing you're crossing a line. Tears blur your vision. "You can't tell me you aren't going to die because you are, and there's nothing I can do to stop it-"

The hug is abrupt, your face being pushed into his neck and your bodies close. You feel nothing other than Bradley, and you can't even bring yourself to apologize as your hot tears drip onto his skin and inevitably his shirt. Your fingers tighten around his back, desperate to have him closer because you don't think he'll ever be close enough unless you're beneath his skin.

You know this conversation isn't done, it's not tied neatly with a bow on top. You know there's an entire can of worms that inevitably will be opened. But for a moment you feel warm again. Heat bubbles beneath your skin, rumbling through your chest as you feel his heart beating against your chest. Reds and oranges fly behind your eyelids in a way that has you breathing easier.

As he silently pulls the both of you to the bed, he hugs you a bit tighter. The smell of him surrounds you in a thick layer, your skin buzzing beneath the feeling of his lips against your forehead. You whine as he pulls away, tucking you in like you're a child.

"We're not done talking about this." He whispers, looking down at you with his sorrowful eyes. "Not even close to being done talking about this."

"Okay," You say softly back, agreeing.

"But you should get some sleep," He advises with a crooked smile. "I'll be here when you wake up."

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hyuckkaiji · 7 months

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loyal she began, so she remains - sebastian x f!reader

summary; he waited too long to hold you in his arms again. he waited too long to give up now. you are his, and he will have you. pt.3

word count; 4.3k

warnings; 18+, explicit content, some physical violence, porn with a plot, mentions of cheating/infidelity

note; and they lived happily ever after. One for the Seb girlies hehehe. last last part to this little unofficial series. pt.1, pt.2, pt.3 Ominis

Sebastian twirled his wand with deft fingers, staring at the cold fireplace, listening, waiting.

It had been almost three months since he saw you. One would think three months would feel like nothing in comparison to eight years, but they would be wrong.

He longed for you, he dreamt of you, bided his time until he could hold you in his arms again. And the day came, you were there, his beautiful girl, you were in his arms after all that time. But when he awoke, you were gone, and that hurt him more than anything another wizard could ever do to him.

These months have been the worst of his life. To know where you are and not be able to claim you, it was tortuous. He doesn't blame you, he doesn't know how Ominis has messed with your head because clearly Ominis has messed with your head, there's no other explanation for you leaving his side and crawling back to that bastard.

He knows you don't love the auror, you could never love him. So what made you go back? He needs answers. He would have gotten them sooner, gotten you sooner, had it not been for your pest of a husband.

His old friend had been tracking him like a blood hound since the afternoon after the night he shared with you. But Ominis underestimated him, his skill, his intelligence. Ominis thinks he is the predator.

The door creaks slowly open, the hinges old and rusted. "You were a fool to come back here, Sallow." Ominis stood in the doorway, the grey light of the cloud filled sky seeping in behind him.

The auror took a few steps forward, letting sagging wood slowly groan as it fell shut. "You should have stayed away, I gave you your freedom, and you wasted it by trying to come back for her."

Sebastian leaned back, watching Ominis with a lazy gaze, his fingers still fiddling with his wand. "Of course I came back for her. You thought I wouldn't?" Sebastian tsks, "Truly old friend, you should have known better."

Ominis shrugs, "Your mistake, fugitive. They've already got your cell in Azkaban waiting for you."

"Have they?" Sebastian let's out a breathy laugh, Ominis' lips twitch in irritation.

"You never could take anything seriously."

"Ohh, you've caught me." Sebastian throws his hands up in mock surrender though he knows the auror cannot see the gesture.

"You've cornered the big bad fugitive. Haven't you, Gaunt?" Sebastian stands, Ominis points his wand at the abrupt action. "I cared about you once, Sallow. I have allowed that past affection to cloud my judgment. I have allowed you to walk a free man. No more."

"Free?" Sebastian sneers, "You keep saying that word, you must have forgotten its meaning for I have not been free in eight years."

"I have lived alongside the rats in sewers, I have starved, I have survived off rotting scraps. I have done much and more just to keep myself alive, and you call that freedom. What did I do to deserve that -"

"You are a murder, Sebastian!"

"I just wanted to save my sister! She was in unending pain, all I ever wanted was to help her! And you and my uncle tried to stop me! Only one person truly supported me!" Sebastian's breathing was ragged, his chest rising and falling with heavy huffs.

Ominis features twisted in disgust, "My wife is not yours to claim. We are no longer children, and it has been many years since she was yours. If you had just accepted that, if you had just stayed away. The miserable existence you created for yourself would be no concern of mine."

"But alas Sallow, here we stand. All things must come to an end, you are no exception."

Sebastian barks out a laugh, "Do you plan to kill me, Gaunt?"

"You do not matter enough for me to soil my hands in such a manner."

Sebastian hums, "I only matter enough for you to personally track me for months."

"Only because you came near my wife."

"My point still stands, and I did more than just go near her."

Ominis' grip tightened on his wand, his knuckles draining of color. "Of course you would take pride in that little indiscretion. I'll have you know that my wife does not. That's why she came back home to me. She is waiting for me at home this very moment, swelling with my child."

A ball dropped in Sebastian's stomach, nauseous at the thought of you pregnant with the Aurors child. "You didn't."

A satisfied smirked pulls at Ominis lips, allowing himself to enjoy the blow, for a moment he pays no real mind to Sebastian. But a moment was all Sebastian needed. He lunged.

Sebastian's hand wrapped around Ominis', yanking his away his wand. Tossing it, where it hit against the stone corner of the fireplace, landing with the sound of wood cracking.

Sebastian couldn't explain what came over him, to fight like a muggle, to abandon his wand in the face of a fight. All he knew was he needed to feel his fists collide with Ominis face, he needed to feel the impact, hear the crunch of bone as he landed blow after blow.

He didn't know how long it went on, but when he pulled back, breathing ragged, fists covered in Ominis' blood and knuckles raw and cracked, Ominis wasn't conscious, the only sign of life was his chest rising and falling with shallow breathes.

Sebastian stood, grimacing at the scene before him. Silently thanking the gods, he hadn't lost himself enough to kill someone he once loved. He wasn't dead, and at the very least, Sebastian was grateful for that. He had done terrible things in these past years, but there were still things he could not bring himself to do. Things he could never forgive if he did. Not again.

This was for the boy he was, the boys they were. Sebastian left the auror there, a silent prayer that their paths never cross again.

When he stepped out of the worn down cottage, rain was falling, showering down on him, soaking through his clothes, washing away the blood that clung to him, washing away his sins.

He breathed in deep, closing his eyes. Letting the smell of fresh wet earth permeate his senses. He strolled through Feldcroft as if he owned it, as if he belonged, as if it was his home and his wife he was heading towards. As far as he was concerned, it was.

You are his home, his life, his everything. And only the thought of having you again got him through those long years. He had laid out his path, his future, your future. All that was left was collecting that which he loved most.

His hand wrapped around the handle, cold metal biting into his skin. He could feel the magic that was surrounding the house, protection charms on top of protection charms. But these charms were not meant to protect but trap.

Sebastian pulled his wand out, casting counter charms, breaking down layer after layer. It was not quick work, and truthfully not something he would have been able to do if not all that he had learned on the run. The magic he was using to break down the barriers is something others would call dark. Sebastian just calls it a different kind of magic, a necessary kind.

He finally broke through, the knob turning in his hand, the door sliding open to welcome him into the warm cottage. The smell of cinnamon toast was wafting through the air, nostalgic and inviting.

"You're back husband." Your voice was meek, docile. You came out from around the corner that led down the hall, your bare feet padding softly against the carpets you had laid out around the house.

"Sebastian." You stopped in your tracks, hands at your side, fists bunching into the fabric of your skirts. "Where is Ominis?" Sebastian's lip twitched in irritation at the question. "Gone."

"Y-you-" A gasp escaped, your hand coming up to press the tips of your fingers to your mouth in shock.

"For merlin's sake, I did not kill the man. He just happens to be ... indisposed." Sebastian waved a hand in the air. "But he'll come back to an empty home, you're coming with me."

You walked towards him, steps slow and cautious. Reaching a hand out to caress his cheek once you stood before him. Feeling him, in the flesh, your skin against his, that was your breaking point. You lauched yourself into his arms.

Violent sobs overtook you, your body shaking with the force of them as you clung to Sebastian. You held onto him as tight as you could, readjusting your grip to try and tighten it every few seconds. You crumpled in his arms, he allowed you to, sinking to the ground so you could sit in his lap. Arms around his neck, face buried in his shoulder as he cradled you.

"I'm sor-ry, I-m sorry, s-orry." You mumbled almost incoherent apologies into his shirt in between hiccups. "My sweet girl," he cooes, "you have nothing to apologize for." One arm holds you as the other hand runs through your hair in an attempt to soothe you.

He holds you, whispering soothing words and sweet nothings until you calmed down. "I shouldn't have come back ... I felt so guilty for betraying Ominis ... I-I," you shook your head, trying to articulate your thoughts.

"He supported me for so long, I felt like I owed it to him to come back. My own happiness be damned but ... he ... I've been trapped in this house for months, Sebastian. All this time, all I could think of was you," you brought a protective hand up to rest on your stomach, "and our child."

"Our?"

"This life that grows inside me, it could only be yours, my love. The thing about contraceptive potions ... you can make them for one person. The ones I brewed only kept out Ominis. It worked for years, I know it didn't just suddenly stop. This is your child, Sebastian, our child."

His lips are on yours in a hearts beat, soft and needy. His tongue swipinging over your bottom lip as his hand tangles in your hair. It felt like home, it was a feeling he longed for during the countless nights alone.

You moaned into the kiss, allowing yourself to finally relax, to feel safe in the Sebastian's arms. His fingers had come up to clumsily undo the buttons of your blouse, never breaking your kiss.

You pulled away, taking over, discarding your clothes in a rush, your fingers precise where his had been ill practiced. He did the same, tossing his clothes aside without a care before pulling you back into him, savoring the feeling of your skin against his.

"I am going to ruin this house the same way I ruined you." He pressed a kiss to your temple, fingers leaving a trail of goosebumps down your skin. "I'm going to fuck you over every surface of this house." He pushed you up against the nearest wall, a gasp escaping your lips at the sudden impact . His lips traveled down, warm kisses along your neck making a shiver run down your spine.

"I'll not leave a single room unspoiled for that insecure twat." He kissed his way down your torso, settling himself between your legs, pulling a leg over his shoulder to expose you to him, you sucked in a breathe as his breathe fanned over you.

"Fuck, you're so wet already. This is all for me, pretty girl?" His tongue swipes slow and torturous over your sopping cunt, flicking over your bundle of nerves at the end. "So fucking sweet."

He looking up at you with hungry eyes, every puff of air he breathes out hitting your clit, making you shiver above him but he make no move to continue. "Sebastian, please." Your words are breathless and a hand tangles in his hair as you attempt to push his face right where you need him.

"Beg."

"Sebastian." You throw your head back in frustration. You couldn't find the words to describe how you want him if you tried. "Stop playing games with me."

"I'm not." He leans just enough to let the tip of his nose graze the sensitive bub, "I just wanna hear you say it. Come on, just once." He presses a kiss, you sigh at the feeling.

"Please, Sebastian, I need you, please touch me."

Those words, the slight whine in your voice, sent a jolt to his already hard cock. He has one hand supporting your hip and leg over his shoulder, the other arm supporting your back and pushing you closer to him.

His mouth is pressed back against you, sucking, nipping, licking away as you grip his hair. You had always felt pleasure with Ominis, wanted him even but not like this.

Though the physicalities of it all were much the same, it was different, in your heart, in your soul. No other could make you feel the way he did, the way you felt right now.

Your legs tensed, attempting to close around his head. His arm dropped from your hip, wrapping around your thigh to pry your legs back apart, never stopping his ministrations against your throbbing clit.

Your orgasm racked your body, your head thrown back in pleasure. Sebastian stayed kneeling, peppering kisses along your inner thighs and hips. Chuckling to himself as he listened to your pants, your body trying to regulate itself again coming down from your peak.

Your legs wobbled as he stood, allowing you to plant both legs on the ground once again. He leaned in kissing you, allowing the taste of your cum to settle on your tounge.

"You're all fucking mine, now show where your bed is sweetheart." You lead him to your bedroom by his hand.

"How does your husband normally fuck you?" You hummed, crawling onto the bed before flopping onto your back, bringing your knees up just enough to give him space to join you, as Ominis normally does.

Sebastian clicks his tongue against his teeth with a tsk. "Everytime?"

"Near enough. Would you like something different?"

Sebastian walks over to you, bringing his hand to wander over your breasts, pulling a pert nipple between fingers. Twisting and pulling at the nub, earning a soft moan from you. He lets his fingers wander, trailing over your ribs, scratching his nails lightly over your stomach.

He stoops just below your hips, giving a quick tap. "Come here." You crawl back off the mattress, slightly uncertain in your movements. You stand before Sebastian, feeling even more exposed though nothing has changed.

He examins you, letting his eyes follow his hands path as it trails. He gathers your hair in one palm, pulling it behind your shoulders and letting it fall loose.

His fingers graze your collar bone, the way he's looking at you makes you feel like a piece of art, something that exists only for him to admire. Running his fingers over every curve and crevice like he's trying to understand how you were created. You shiver under his scrutinizing gaze.

He grips your chin between his thumb and forefinger, softly, just enough to bring your eyes to his. "Bend over." His voice is soft but commanding, leaving no room for argument. And you don't need to be told twice.

You gather all your pillows, pulling them to your chest to prop you up a bit as you lean over the mattress. The anticipation alone making your clit throb.

Sebastian brings a rough hand up to further feel as he looks you over, the sight almost rivals looking up at you from between your legs, almost. He grips the flesh of your ass, gods how many times did he have this exact dream?

"You are the most beautiful thing I've ever set eyes on, do you know that?" He let his hands settle in a firm grip on your waist, leaning over you, his hard cock pressed into your bottom as he pressed kisses into your spine, whispering as he went.

"I promise I'll make you happy, I'll give you anything you want or need. I'll give you a life you deserve."

He lined himself up with your dripping entrance, "You ready?" Letting his cock sink in slowly after you nodded your approval.

He groaned at the feeling of the wet warmth wrapping around him, quickly falling into a steady place. Sliding in and out of you with deep stokes, allowing the tip of his cock to bully your cervix.

You could feel the coil in your gut winding tighter and tighter with every stroke, so close to tipping you over the edge. You buried your face the mattress, muffling your cries and tangling your fists in the blankets.

"Oh no baby, I wanna those pretty little moans." Sebastian wrapped your hair in a fist, using it to pull you up into his chest. The grip of his other traveled from your hips to your stomach, pressing down just below your naval. The grip he had in your hair moving to keep a firm grip on your throat, keeping you pressed firmly against him.

This angle allowed him to fuck you at depths you'd never felt before, depths that had you tipping, the coil snapping inside you as you spasmed around him. Throwing your head back in pure ecstasy as another orgasm over took you.

Sebastian nuzzled his face into the exposed crook of your neck, sucking and biting in a fresh pink mark. His hips slowing their pace but continuing enough to draw out your pleasure.

"You didn't finish." You were panting, your skin covered in a sheen of sweat. You continued to clench around him, your body overwhelmed but still mindlessly chasing the pleasure only he could give you.

"I didn't want to yet." You could feel him smile against you."You're not satisfied yet, you animal?" You let out a breathy laugh but Sebastian only hummed bringing his fingers down to rub harsh circles into your swollen bud.

"I'll never be done with you." He pulled out, letting you lean against him, almost pure dead weight, unable to keep yourself standing.

He leads you to the kitchen on unsteady legs, arm around your waist supporting you the entire way. "Keel for me, love."

A good obedient girl, all his, only his. He smiled down at you as you struggled to fulfill his request, looking up at him through your lashes once you succeeded. "So pretty." He muttered, in awe of the sight before him.

You wrapped one hand around the base of his shaft guiding him into your waiting mouth. Your tongue wrapping around the underside of his shaft as you bob around him, your hand stroking what you can't fit. "Good fucking girl." Sebastian practically growls the words.

One hand shooting out to tangle at the roots of your hair, he uses the leverage to push you further down. You let him, your own hands gripping the flesh of his bottom, blunt nails digging in as you gag around him. Sebastian let's out a low hiss, enjoying the slight mix pain and pleasure.

He uses his grip to hold you in place as he thrusts, the tip of his cock abusing the back of your throat. Drool is dripping down your chin and tears well in your eyes but you let him use you, the sight of him with his head thrown back, eyes screwed shut, and teeth biting so hard into his bottom lip you think he might make himself bleed, it's too lovely a sight for you to try and pull away.

His thrusts become erratic before burying himself so deep you gag around him as your nose presses against his pubic bone. Tears finally falling free as his warm, salty cum shoots down your throat, he holds you there until he's sure you've swallowed all of it.

When he finally pulls free with a soft pop from your mouth, your lips are puffy and swollen with a line of drool still connecting the two of you.

He pulls you to your feet, still using your hair as his personal tool. He pushes you up against the table, your hands falling to grip the hard wood and steady yourself. Sebastian doesn't wait before dipping his head to the valley between your breasts, his tongue darting out the catch the drool that had slid down your skin, his tongue following the wet path up the collum of your throat ending at your lips.

His kiss is feral, possessive, all tongue and teeth nipping at your lower lip. His hands wrap around your thighs to hoist you up onto the wood. "Merlin, I need you like I need air." He speaks the words against your lips, his eyes falling shut as he presses his forehead to yours, a shuttering breath falling from his lips.

"I love you, Sebastian." You whisper back to him, using the back of a hand to rub against his cheek softly. He smiles at you, a man captived by what he never truly thought he would have, never thought he deserved. Truthfully he's not sure he does deserve this, deserve you. But he'll be damned before he lets anyone else have you.

He's using his tip to gather the slick from your still seeping hole, rubbing it over your clit, making you shudder. When he feels he's gathered enough he pushes back into you, making you gasp.

Your legs wrap around his waist and your arms around his neck, letting your head fall against a shoulder. He splays one large hand over your lower back and uses the other to balance against the table. His hips stutter at first, still sensitive from his orgasm, but he find his pace.

You had never realized how loving sex can feel, how his pace alone could convey that. The way his fingers dig into your skin with every thrust, every pant and groan that escapes him. You knew, all of it told you, this is a man that worships you, a man that has been enamored by you since he first met you. And though he may tell you, you're his, first and foremost, he's yours.

It didn't take long for either of you to reach another orgasm, both your bodies still so sensitive. You clung to him as your third orgasm overtook you. His grip on you was brusing as his hips jutted rhythmless against you, he muttered incoherent praises into your skin and his seed shot into you.

You stayed like that for a moment, just holding each other as you came down from your respective highs. "My sweet boy, my Sebastian." You mumbled against him as you stroked your fingers through his hair, the words made him cling tighter to you, part of him worrying if he lets you go this time he'll never hold you again.

"Promise you won't leave me."

"Oh my darling," you coo at him, bringing him up to face you, to look you in the eyes, "you have my heart, you carried it with you all these years. I couldn't leave you if I tried for I am yours, mind, body and soul. I think our love could transcend lifetimes."

∘₊✧───── ─── ─────✧₊∘

Epilogue;

"I am not, you insatiable beast." You giggled pulling your hands out of the soapy water you had just been using to wash dishes.

"You satiate me, love." He turns you to face him, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. "Beautiful." He mumbles, bringing a hand up to rest on the swell of your stomach. "Me or the baby?"

He hums, "Both. The most beautiful beings to every grace this gods forsaken planet."

You shake your head, "Well, you can't put another in me until this one is out. And we still have some time yet so I think you should focus on the here and now and go get ready for work."

You brush his curls out of his face, stroking a thumb over his cheekbone. He hums, smiling at you, "Yes, you are ever correct, wife."

"Husband." You give him a quick peck on the lips.

"Brother, it's mine!" The shrill voice of your five year old daughter echos through your house, followed by the mischievous giggle of her younger brother.

"Hey! Hey!" Sebastian calls out, rushing over to the running toddler in two quick strides, scooping the child up in his arms. The boy giggles wrapping his arms around his father. "We don't steal, my boy. Play nice now, you lot cannot be stressing your mommy while she's pregnant. It's not good for the baby."

He kneels, pressing the stolen stuffed rabbit back into his daughter's hands. She smiles quickly at him before scampering away, toy in hand. He shoos his son shortly after before turning back to you.

"What's the max?"

"I was thinking this might be the final one." You leaned against the counter, watching him with a glint in your eye.

"I was thinking at least one more." He responded.

"Aye perhaps. I could never say no to you." You walk over to him, throwing your arms around his neck.

"How do you think the muggles do it?" You asked.

"I don't think they do, bet they cry themselves to sleep wishing they had a silencio charm."

"Seb!" You scolded with a playful slap to his chest.

When Sebastian was young he thought himself the master of plans, thought himself brilliant even but nothing will ever top this, this success. The best plan he ever wrought, whisking you away to America. Muggles know nothing of him, nothing of you. His life is sweet, a dream come true. And he is most grateful.

#sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow imagine #Sebastian sallow smut #Sebastian sallow fluff #sebastian sallow angst #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian sallow x reader #hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy imagine #hogwarts legacy smut #hogwarts legacy fluff #hogwarts legacy angst #hogwarts legacy x reader #hogwarts legacy x mc #hogwarts legacy x you #sebastian sallow x you #ominis gaunt #Ominis gaunt angst #˗ˏˋ꒰ 𖹭 my work 𖹭 ꒱ˎˊ˗

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strawberry-cowmilk · 2 years

Note

Could I maybe do a lil request for angst mc and brothers? my idea is (and sorry if you've done this and I'm just blind ass) that mc returns to the human world and forgets about the bros and devildom :( how do they react? do they do anything to secretly influence mc's life?

Hello! No, I haven't done anything like this before. So, prepare yourselves everyone 'cause this one is gonna hurt. I hope you like it!

Mc forgets the brothers

-> brothers x mc

mc's gender is not mentioned, not proof read

a/n: not really directly related to this fic but the second I typed the first letter for Lucifer's part, a song about somebody having left the life of somebody who cared about them (I think, my japanese is still terrible) started playing from my playlist. Just thought that was a fun coincidence and I wanted to share that with you all.

content warnings: angst, forgetting, self deprecation, not eating, forced sleep, crying, sleep as escapism

-----

Lucifer

he tries very hard to convince himself he doesn't care, but fails miserably

lucifer buries himself in work, pulls all nighter after all nighter, just to distract himself from you

what happened? you used to be so close

eventually, lucifer performs a spell on himself to make him forget you even existed

Mammon

if you got a cent for every time mammon tried to go to the human world, you'd be rich

one time, barbatos came to him and offered him the option to visit you, but tells him he might not like what he'll see

mammon didn't think it would be that bad, so he went, only to see you with somebody else, you forgot him

lucifer had to comfort him the whole night

Leviathan

well, of course you'd move on, he's a stupid, gloomy, useless otaku right?

the fact there was a day you gave him attention was already something, how could levi be so foolish? to let a mere human into his heart

levi doesn't leave his room, not even to eat, and cries himself to sleep every night, the one time he let somebody in, he got hurt as expected

Satan

satan curses and nearly wrecks the whole house when he finds out you forgot him

it was getting so bad, lucifer and diavolo cast a spell that basically put satan to sleep until his anger went away

when he woke up, and remembered you weren't in his life anymore, he wasn't angry anymore

just sad

Asmodeus

wait, you actually forgot about him? no way

asmo texts solomon to summon him to the human world asap, which he does

asmo doesn't waste a second, he rushes over to your house, grabs you by the shoulders, and begs you to come back to him, crying the whole time

you respond solemnly, sympathy clear in your tone 'asmo, I moved on, so should you'

Beelzebub

food makes him nauseous now, working out is a pain, spending time with his family feels like a chore

beel isn't himself, you forgot him, and so did he himself

was it something he did? what could possibly make you leave so suddenly

well, at least if you're happy, maybe he can go to sleep a little bit easier?

Belphegor

belphie won't have it, and he doesn't believe it

maybe, if he can, he'll make sure you come across things that remind you of him, like the amusement park you and him would visit in the human world

but you just stared, smiled, and walked away, it was clear belphie was just a memory in the back of your mind

he gives up, he goes to sleep and wakes up only to use the bathroom

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astroprompts · 6 months

Text

✧ —𝐁𝐎𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 [𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝟑]

“Darling, you're doing marvelously, I am so proud of you.”

“Just write a script for me, so I don't have to think for myself.”

“You better not have gotten your failure stink all over my important movie star clothes.”

“That is going to lead to some wackiness. You mark my words.”

“Hey, champ, I have a very important job for you.”

“Why does everything I love fall apart as soon as I touch it?”

“What legacy of ruin am I left with? What rewards have I reaped for the damage done?”

“You look different. Older. A lot older.”

“I'm not interested in being rebirthed. I'm still recovering from being birthed the first time.”

“I want to do things that connect with people, things that last.”

“If I'm going to sacrifice my journalistic integrity, it's because I'm having sex with a movie star.”

“How do you make something right when you've made it so wrong you can never go back?”

“Thanks a lot. Once again, you've been no help whatsoever.”

“What, you're just gonna stay at home and get drunk all day?”

“Let's get wrecked and get Shreked.”

“You're bright and you're funny and you're handsome and you're talented. But if you can't see that, then you're the biggest, dumbest piece of shit in the world.”

“If you get scared, look for me in the audience. I'll be there the whole time, laughing and cheering louder than anyone.”

“Thirty years I threw into this job, and it destroyed me from the inside out.”

“A lot of guys in your position wouldn't take gigs like this. They'd be afraid people would make fun of them.”

“If you care about what other people think, you're never gonna do anything.”

“Put the corpse on ice, I'm on my way.”

“I'm not avoiding you. I'm just making an effort to not be in a room alone with you because I am... Avoiding you.”

“You know, I think we're alike in a lot of ways. Sometimes that's great, but it also means we can bring out the worst in each other.”

“I just think maybe it's better, for both of us, if we keep things a little more professional.”

“It smells like a skunk skunked another skunk in here, then they smoked a joint. What happened?”

“Sometimes you need to take responsibility for your own happiness.”

“It takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are, even longer to see it doesn't have to be that way.”

“I haven't seen you since high school. You look great!”

“My dumb best friend's getting married, so I'm here for the rehearsal dinner.”

“Boring regular people love it when movie stars show up and drink their alcohol.”

“This is not the time for one of your weird stories that go nowhere.”

“If you're lucky enough to find someone you can halfway tolerate, sink your nails in and don't let go, no matter what.”

“One day, you're gonna look around and you're going to realize that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world.”

“I would seriously like to know what crawled up your butt, made a home for itself in your butt, started a family, lived a fruitful life, and then died up your butt.”

“When you do bad things, you have something you can point to when people eventually leave you. It's not you, you tell yourself, it's that bad thing you did.”

“Listen, I've been with guys like you before, and I know this thing works better if we keep a little distance.”

“It's so sad that when you see someone as they really are, it ruins them.”

“You're sweet. You shouldn't waste that on people who don't deserve it.”

“Are you sure this whole thing isn't just a semi-lucid fever dream from mixing the wrong pills?”

“It's so cruel to let people love you. All you're doing is promising you'll one day break their hearts.”

“We don't really have the kind of relationship where we talk about things.”

“Just because you have a shitty relationship with your family doesn't mean every other family has to have drama too.”

“Ugh! Why did I get my hopes up? Why do I keep letting you get my hopes up?”

“Do a girl a favor, don't break her heart by inches. Do it all at once. It'll save everyone some time.”

“Should we get dinner, or are you just thinking drinks?”

“Good luck finding another charming first-generation Italian immigrant with this kind of darling accent, who makes equally delightful malapropisms!”

“Is there a single woman you've worked with who you haven't tried to groggily thrust yourself into?”

“You're such a self-pitying masochist, I could say ten nice things and one mean thing, you would only hear the one mean thing.”

“Did you ever love me? At all?”

“You know that I don't do the whole love thing. Either you end up hurting someone or they hurt you. So, what's the point?”

“I do love you, by the way. I mean, as much as I'm capable of loving anyone.”

“I assure you the animated GIFs with which I describe this encounter shall be scathing!”

“You can't keep doing shitty things, and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay!”

“You are all the things that are wrong with you. It's not the alcohol, or the drugs, or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career, or when you were a kid. It's you.”

“Your skin is so soft, it's like you murdered a baby and stole its skin. Your skin is murdered-baby soft.”

“Let's get higher than a stilt walker's dick!”

“If you have to listen to losers talk about their shitty sober lives, it's a lot more fun to be buzzed.”

“You're going to want to rush in there and do whatever you can to save them, but you have to stop yourself, because there are some people you can't save. 'Cause those people will thrash and struggle and try to take you down with them.”

“I always forget that there are more than just the six stars you can see in the Los Angeles sky.”

“In the great grand scheme of things, we're just tiny specks that will one day be forgotten.”

“The only thing that matters is right now, this moment. This one spectacular moment we are sharing together.”

“I'm poison. I come from poison. I have poison inside me, and I destroy everything I touch.”

“I have nothing to show for the life that I've lived, and I have nobody in my life who's better off for having known me.”

“What's your deal? I feel like you like me, but you don't like me, but you like me, and I don't know what that is.”

“Are you gay? You can tell me if you're gay, it's fine. This isn't the 1600s, or some places in the present.”

“I'm not gay. I mean, I don't think I am, but... I don't think I'm straight, either.”

#rp meme #ask meme #dialogue prompt #sentence starters #bojack horseman

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prettyboykatsuki · 2 years

Note

UM pleek advice i’m turning twenty soon nd i’m scared 🥹💔 ageism eating me alive i feel like i havent lived my teen years because Brown Parents just idk… IDK!!!! im over reacting i think but im crying everyday like my youth was stolen from me cuz abuse and insecurity and pandemic but idk what to do now i feel so lost and seeing ur posts u just seem so smart and excited about life and exploring urself so i come humbly for advice 😞

i know this feeling bc i have the same parents but like i really mean it when i say life doesn't start for a lot of people until they're 25-30+

i was blessed with older siblings and cousins in my life and pretty much all of them say the same thing. my cousins did all the fun teenager things and even so they're all so much happier now then they ever were before.

you're never gonna be 15 again, that's true. but the life you imagined or dreamed of living at 15 isn't the only life you'll ever live and really isn't even that important. you have a romantic idea of it because you never experienced it.

but you have the rest of your life. do you know how long that is? you're only 20. that's nothing. 25 is nothing. 30, 31, 32. you're just starting in comparison to the rest of your life. the only reason you feel that way is because you're suffocated and the idea that being young is everything but it simply isn't. statistically if you only live to be 60, you have 2 entire thirds left to exist.

don't listen to people on the internet who can't fathom being over 17. adulthood is only a curse if you glorify being young. and you're not even an adult. any real adult thinks you're a kid. the only person who thinks your old is a person who's sitting in calculus one who eats lunch at 10am. why are you listening to them anyway?

i don't especially like being young honestly. there's nothing i look forward to more than getting older every year. i want to be 50 with a garden. i want to spend the rest of my life being a good person. i am so comforted by the fact i still have all this time.

you are so lucky to be alive. you must believe that the time you have left is a gift.

being young is only easy for those who come from privilege. but any person with responsibilities knows how suffocatingly lonely it can be trying to care for yourself and make something of your life.

and it's because of that gradual reality that you have to believe life hasn't reached it's potential. that this isn't your limit. if you're incessantly thinking that you've wasted so much time, than how will you grow? if you're constantly chasing at teenage years that you'll never get again, how will you learn to love the fully realized version of yourself?

if you spend your 20's looking back how can you look forward to the rest of your life? is it fair to yourself to ignore all that's made you who you are, just because you missed out on certain experiences?

look at how far you've come. look at how much it's taken you. look at all this life you have left to keep pushing. i know it feels like you're meandering, but the virtue of living is gaining experience. every minute you engage the world is meaningful to your life and this isn't a hope thing but a universal truth. it is the only facet of existence that has been respected since the beginning of civilization. experience that you can only gain now by opening your eyes to whats around you.

life is hard now. you are going to do your best. and maybe your best is ugly. it never feels good enough. it's not as good as what other people do. but it's yours, so solely. and if all you ever do is worry about the life you haven't lived instead of cherishing the life you have, you're going to feel miserable and you don't have to feel that.

you'll never be 15 again not once. you'll never know what that's like and it sucks. i won't tell you to feel fine about what you might've missed because i know and i get it.

but maybe you only want to be 15 because you think it would've changed who you are now. maybe you think the you now isn't good enough.

but you are. and it is. and there's nothing to be afraid of. every day of living despite it's many solitudes is worth it. even the worst of your tomorrows are to be cherished. you are so young. a drop in the massive of sea.

but that means you can go anywhere and do anything. with time, with patience, with struggle, with tears. you have now and tomorrow. between then nothing will change. you will do it a thousand times, and then you will look back and suddenly be so different. this is your finicky existence.

the only way to not be afraid of getting older is believing with your heart that living is meaningful. count your blessings and celebrate your small joys. you have the rest of your life to do that. i think that alone is something worth celebrating.

#return to sender #i think about my past a lot #i suffered a lot #i will never gain those years back #but it's because of that i can wake up and say #im okay. im alright. there's still time #i struggle because i have to do much on my own #i cry a lot. i get sad. i feel miserable #im a human with ups and downs just like you #ill do it again tommorrow #with time i can say look at all the life ive lived #and i want that #i want to look back at myself when im much older and think #look at the poor girl. she didn't know what was ahead and she suffered so much #she went through so much for me. to be here #sometimes you're your own big sister #make yourself proud and hold your hand #live your life slowly and steadily #there's nothing to be scared of and there's nothing wasted #not a single moment you've lived was a waste. not one #you have all this time to be the version of yourself you look up to #your whole entire life to that #i think that's exciting #and i want that more than anything #so i live everday and do it little by little #and i fuck up and make mistakes but i always know there's tommorow and that makes me so happy #sorry this wasn't advice as much as it was me shaking you by the shoulders #but im really passionate because i hate seeing people my age talk with one foot out the door #it's miserable to think you've wasted your life when you haven't at all #don't be an active particpant in your misery

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little-miss-moonshine · 1 year

Text

i think i thought i saw you try

the night before last, exactly one month after you left, you called me, absolutely wasted. I've seen you through most things, but I've never seen you so gone. you called me, happy, angry, euphoric, and miserable in equal measure. you've never been like this.

you were kind, sweet, gentle, like you always are, but you were also mean and cruel. you told me how insecure and clingy I was, you told me about your illicit affairs in detail, you talked about the pros and cons of me. you didn't even acknowledge when I broke down crying. maybe you didn't notice, or maybe you didn't care. you broke my heart like a toothpick once again, just like you always do. I kept thinking, this is not like him, but that's not true. you may have never said cruel things, but you've done cruel things. why shouldn't I consider this on brand for you? as much as I'd like to have an answer, I don't.

the next day, you called me, terrified because you didn't remember what you'd said. I thought about not telling you, but how could I not? it was breaking me. you always get more truthful when you're drunk. you sometimes say things in the wrong way, but there are things I couldn't have misinterpreted. you apologized again and again, but all I could do was cry.

the words formed in my throat before I could stop myself. I asked if you wanted me to tell you what I thought. I finally told you about the man I saw being torn in two. the man who'd be distant in the daylight, but hold me like he never wanted to let go at night. the man who said I love you first, a month and a half before I did, unconsciously reaching for me. I told you to think about who I am to you. now here I am, silence on both of our ends, absently opening your contact throughout the day to tell you something, and closing it wistfully when I regain my senses.

this whole situation reminded me of rem's song, losing my religion. it is one of my favorite songs of all time, and it's very reminiscent of my relationship with you. it's on the playlist I made for us, the one you've never listened to. it's not about the vibes on that playlist, it's about the words. you can see how I feel about you in every lyric associated with that playlist, if you'd ever deign to listen.

want me to break these lyrics down? you always like it when I tell you things. if you don't, nod absently as I tell you, as you usually do if I'm saying something you don't want to hear. I do hope you'll hear me this time, though.

Oh, life is bigger It's bigger than you and you are not me The lengths that I will go to The distance in your eyes Oh no, I've said too much I set it up

that's how I felt that one day we submitted the last assignment from our one shared class. the girl at the bus stop played in my mind as you told me that you didn't know what love was, but that you're happy when I'm happy, that you always want me to be safe, and that you worry for me when you can't protect me yourself. I still told you how I felt, how I knew I loved you, and how much it was killing me to have you just a little.

That's me in the corner That's me in the spotlight Losing my religion Trying to keep up with you And I don't know if I can do it Oh no, I've said too much I haven't said enough

that was me, being the best girlfriend I could be, being as kind, caring, and understanding as I was capable of being. it was also me, giving you that same care and love, even when we were nothing and everything at the same time. for so long, I swallowed my affection, telling you what I thought you wanted to hear. after everything, it was the opposite. I couldn't stop telling you how I felt, but god, sometimes I think you never heard me.

I thought that I heard you laughing I thought that I heard you sing I think I thought I saw you try

this was me witnessing your dichotomy. the man who showed me his care as much as he could, but who hid away in the arms of others, just to avoid confronting me. you think saying something cruel to me is something you'll never forgive yourself for. have you forgiven yourself for doing cruel things to me? did it ever weigh on you at night? what's the difference, jaan?

Every whisper, of every waking hour I'm choosing my confessions Trying to keep an eye on you Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool Oh no, I've said too much I set it up

I was always careful about what to say. not because I was terrified of you would react, but because I didn't know what you'd make of it. tiptoeing around each other. it's just my curse that you made my happy. you made my life really worth living for the first time in many years, and you didn't even try. what does that say about me? that I'm a hurt, lost and blinded fool, reaching for you, praying you'd at least love me in silence, in perpetuity, if not for real.

Consider this Consider this the hint of the century Consider this the slip That brought me to my knees, failed What if all these fantasies come Flailing around Now I've said too much

now you're considering it. there was a slip, and now you know. now you know what you've been doing subconsciously. whether you choose to acknowledge it, to understand it, to accept it, it's your choice. you also need to acknowledge another important thing. you've put me through hell, but you've also made me happy. genuinely happy, much happier than I was when you met me. did you know that despite everything, I sometimes imagine scenarios where you come to me, apologizing, and telling me you wanted to be with me, somehow? at the same time, I've also imagined the reverse: you washing your hands of me, or me deciding we're too complicated. now that one of these scenarios is going to come to pass, I'm suddenly terrified. isn't that sad, jaan?

But that was just a dream Try, cry, fly, try That was just a dream Just a dream Just a dream, dream

sometimes I have to tell you something twice before you believe me, so I'll say it again. you made my life worth living for the first time in years. you supported me, cared for me, protected me, and always made me happy. but then you'd hurt me, and I'd wonder which of you was the dream, and which one the reality. you exist in two forms in my mind, and I wonder which one will emerge victorious.

now, jaan, the ball is in your court. depending on what you choose to do, next on my discography is one of four choices:

this love (sweetie's version)

kahani suno 3.0

dear jaan (sooshi's version)

create flames in the rain

our playlist is in your hands.

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the-firebird69 · 1 year

Text

It's a large number of people wondering when FedEx will get there and they're being very annoying and they're trying to delay it all day long. And the poor driver is just plugging along it's ridiculous affair. Let me see that it only like 10 or 20 minutes behind it's obnoxious that they do all this it never benefits them but we see why so now we've got something to say you've been distracting us this whole time and we've been raising our army and watching the Max and stuff anyways I'm kind of was a waste of time in your lives are a waste of space we didn't say thank you but it really helped out a lot this is no sudden Joel We have tons of troops you're going to be a b**** but so what. Did you know where the shipping is it's not too much longer. And it's fun too many people interested in it. And it is proof that he does need assistance with it. Now we have a couple things to say you people are paying and making his life miserable and we're going to ruin you find out that you're sitting there bothering you 24 hours a day for everything that he does who won the last back who win her money back and a stuff and everything that you're taking everyday are being absolute s***. We haven't planned an idea what to do of course I was doing it exercising our free will too. Comes time to say you're making every single thing he's doing so damn hard that we're not going to give you a break about anything you're such a woman and b****** and assholes we can be very very mean and you already see what we're doing to the governor and his little sister wife he wanted to mess with us you're having a lot of problems and we know about it.

-there's a huge number of people who are trying to get to the front line from the back side or getting arrested trying to get there and going to the stashes and casuals and getting arrested and losing their stashes and caches and one of them is Donald Trump and you got arrested this morning he's trying again and they're going to arrest him again and it's constant one thing I like to do is take them to the center to attract those idiots to smoke them all and force them to get rid of themselves and they're going to try to do that.

-another thing we're doing is starting up projects and we talked to the building department the other day and Port Charlotte and I still haven't heard from them so probably give a jingle and see what's going on ask him what the plans are doing maybe start our own projects and in punta Gorda and what this is you haven't submitted and what we say is we can fast-track it because this is boring it's your projects you have more to gain it's ridiculous and it's annoying it's like supporting a piece of s*** it wants stuff cuz I'm trying to support you a little so he's not laughing so he gets a little and he's sending for his to call off and get it going and slow and all they're doing is getting rid of themselves and they don't really have place to live they're bothering the s*** out of themselves so

-Australia and New Zealand are embroiled they're fighting the clones they're thinking of helping them and now they're not they are going against them and they really should because they're at War there's a huge number of them fighting giant numbers going into the tunnels and they started at 9% this morning yes and now and about 7% of the populace and they give me that at all and they're calling on people to go there and having trouble getting them there there is a shield up in a blockade and it's starting to tighten and they are starting to clamp down on the morlocks globally and it is time to do that and he wants to squeeze them too for stuff to happen and it's getting a little dicey in some places

We should probably publish

Thor Freya

Zues Hera

Olympus

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kessicasrps · 1 year

Text

I was grateful for your support through this, still reeling from everything that came out today. It made me feel sick to know that I had wasted so many years on an unhappy relationship and on trying to build a relationship with a child that wasn't even mine in the first place. It killed me that I had spent so many years away from you and Haley. I had already regretted that every day but now it was even worse. "Yeah, I should probably go shower and just decompress.. I won't be gone long though. I just want to be with you and our daughter," I say honestly to you, taking a deep breath. "Where is Haley right now?," I ask you, knowing I would have to tell her too that Brooke was not really her sister. It was hard to explain to a young girl but I also didn't want her to think I just abandoned Brooke.

---

"We'll be here, we're not going anywhere," I say honestly as I looked in your eyes. "Haley and I love you so much, you are our family, and we'd never do anything to hurt you like Eleanor and Brooke did," I say honestly. "Take as long as you need in the shower, I'll have lunch ready for you by the time you're out," I explained. "Haley is up in her room, playing with her dolls." I added. "I'll go with you to tell her," I say as I kept rubbing your back. "It know it won't be easy to tell her, but she may be a little relieved, but she'll hate to know that you're hurting." I tell you. "But who knows, maybe somewhere in the future, we can give her a brother or sister. I know it hurts and makes you angry that you could have spent those five years with us if Eleanor hadn't tricked you, but I don't want you to dwell on that. I want us to focus on what is ahead of us. We're together now, and we have been for a year, you've been a father to Haley for a year and a half now and she loves you. We have all the time in the world now, we can have more kids, we can get married, we got this house because it's a family house." I reminded you. "I know it hurts, and it sucks, but think about it this way, you are free who the one person who made you miserable, and your life is in your hands now, and you know I wouldn't keep you from doing what you want, and Haley and I will always support you," I say as I kissed your cheek. Even though we had been together for a year, we still hadn't shared a kiss yet, all because we didn't want to complicate your divorce.

I giggle softly when you teased my wording, scrunching my nose up cutely. "I just know it was easy for us when we were both working on the same movie but I don't know if you have any other projects coming up, babe. I am planning on slowing down for a bit though so if you do end up traveling anywhere for work, I could always come with you if you want," I say a bit shyly as I looked back at you. "You make me really happy," I admit to you, blushing as I looked at you.

---

"I haven't made any commitments yet," I say honestly as I looked in your eyes. "I'm all yours," I say happily as I kissed all over your face. "When something comes along, I'd love nothing more than to have you come with me if I need to travel for another project," I smiled at you. "I love making you happy, that's important to me, baby,"

#( & you're on your own kid rp )#( & i'm falling in love again rp )

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headinthestaticsky · 3 years

Text

Frozen Within the Night Wind: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 6

None of the characters in Twilight belong to me. All rights go to Stephenie Meyer.

"Baby, you don't wanna leave You'd be sorry, 'cause honestly I can make you feel better, any day Look at what you've done for me, I called it how I see You belong with me."

Stick by: BANKS

For the next few weeks Me, the Cullens, and the wolves have been keeping watch on Bella and Charlie. It wasn't an easy alliance and anytime Sam or Leah went onto patrol they wouldn't even acknowledge me. So I often patrolled with Emmett and Jasper to make things less tense. Tonight however I had no choice but to patrol with one of the wolves... a plus side about tonight though, Bella wouldn't be here... she was out with Jacob right now. I had made an excuse that I was staying with the Cullens for the night so dad wouldn't be too suspicious.

"Are you sure Darlin, I can stay behind on this hunt to be with you."

"I'll be fine...I'm sure Sam won't do anything to me. Besides, I've already hunted for the week...you haven't hunted these past two trips because of me...Go I promise I'll be fine."

He sighed before wrapping his arms around me and laying his head on my shoulder. It didn't last long however since we heard rustling behind us. We both turned to see Sam in his wolf form standing there.

"I'll see you later love."

"Bye love."

When Jasper left Sam stood next to me, he didn't look at me at all. We sat in silence for an hour when I finally decided to say something.

"Look...I know I'm probably just going to end up talking to the air tonight but...I need to get some facts straight."

Sam just huffed in his place.

"None of the Cullens turned me...if they would've gotten to me quick enough I wouldn't even be patrolling my dad and Bella right now."

Sam seemed to be staring at me out of the corner of his eye.

"I don't know who he is...but someone working with Victoria turned me...If I am being completely honest I think it's the intruder we're looking for right now."

Sam huffed again.

"And I know you are absolutely disgusted with what I am now but... I really miss you, and Emily... Seth and Leah too. But I know I can't go down there anymore and Leah completely hates my guts but I just had to get off my chest." I looked away from Sam, feeling completely embarrassed that I spouted all of that out. Then suddenly, I felt some fuzzy nuzzle into my hand. I smiled and pet him, it seems he's warming up to me again.

"Thanks, Sam..."

Our heads both shot up as we heard movement and for a split second I saw firey red curls go across the way.

"Let's go Sam!" I said and started running toward her, he followed me a second afterward. She noticed us running toward her and took off back into the woods.

"Sam go back onto your territory so she can't jump back without being caught."

He followed my command surprisingly.

"I thought you were great at self-preservation Curly, but to come right to her house, right near the Cullens isn't very smart now is it?"

She didn't acknowledge me. Suddenly... something popped up in my head... I looked at Sam and winked, I mouthed to him that I had an idea.

Victoria stopped in her tracks and stuttered.

"James?"

I stopped running and crept up behind her, not wanting to let the hallucination go to waste. Carlisle was right... this second power would be useful to me. The image of James just looked at her with deadly eyes.

"James... how are you... here?"

"What are you doing with him?" "James," asked.

"It's not like that...It just so I could avenge you." Victoria stated.

"You disgust me..."

I was just about to get behind her and grab her neck when she snapped out of it and flipped me over and sent me into a tree. She took off again, leaving us in the dust. Sam jumped back over to me and nudged me with his head.

"I'm okay Sam... we need to go back to the house in case someone else shows up again. When we made it back to the house I saw Jasper and Rosalie standing in our spot looking confused.

"What happened? Why did you leave?" Jasper asked.

"We saw Victoria and chased after her...we couldn't catch her."

"Damn it," Jasper grumbled.

"Were you close to getting her?" Rosalie asked.

"I was inches away from grabbing her by the neck... I guess the hallucination I made wore off..."

"Can you tell where she's going now?" Rosalie questioned.

"I can try... the tracking is still a little wonky sometimes." I got into that trance again attempting to track her,

"It looks like she's going to Oregon..."

"Oregon what is she going to do in Oregon?" Jasper inquired.

"I can't tell..."

Before anyone could say anything else Jacob's car pulled up, Edwards was not too far behind.

"Uh oh... this can't be good," I said, I then began to jog toward the situation, it soon turned into an argument.

"IF YOU EVER TOUCH HER AGAINST HER WILL AGAIN!" Edward roared.

"Guys don't do this here!" Bella pleaded.

"She doesn't know what she wants."

"Hey what the hell happened?" I asked.

"Jacob kissed me..." Is all she said.

"Wait for her to say the words," Edward said.

"What... Edward do you want her to be in a relationship with him? You're losing the argument here bud. bring it back!" I thought to myself.

"Fine, and she will."

"Jacob just go okay?"

"Hey, hey hey... break it up you two," Dad said, he must've heard the commotion.

"Okay... what's going on?"

"I kissed Bella... and she broke her hand, punching my face... total misunderstanding."

I couldn't help but bust out in laughter... this whole situation was something you would find in a crappy soap opera they play at 4 in the morning when no one is awake to see them.

"What are you doing back here Fleur?" Dad asked.

I came up with a lie quickly.

"Oh I forgot some toiletries... and I came back down to get them." luckily my car was still here.

When I pretended to grab my items I came back outside, Bella and Edward were gone. I kissed my dad on the cheek and wished him a goodnight and drove back down to the Cullen's house. When I came in Carlisle was wrapping up Bella's hand, everyone else was sitting in the room with them. I sat by Rosalie and Jasper, just observing the situation, Emmett walked in with a smirk on his face.

"Geez did you try and walk and chew gum at the same time Bella?"

"No, I punched a werewolf in the face."

"Badass...you're going to be a tough little newborn."

Rosalie and I looked up, now focused on the conversation.

"Tough enough to take you on." She said with a smirk.

Rosalie slammed down the paper she was reading and left the room. Bella just rolled her eyes and sighed. I looked at Jasper and he nodded, I slinked out of the room without anyone noticing or so I thought.

"Hey, Rose."

"I can't stand your sister."

"I know the feeling."

"But at the same time... I envy her too."

I pulled her in for a hug, trying to comfort her.

I heard the slight sound of a door opening and closing again.

"What do you want Bella?" I asked.

"You can go and blather about the joys of being a newborn with someone else." Rosalie added.

"Okay... Rosalie, I don't know what I did... to make you hate me so much."

"How many times do I have to say it... If you treat someone I am really close to like dirt... then I'm going to hate your guts."

Bella scoffed.

"I envy you also Bella."

"What? That's ridiculous!"

"It's not...Bella." I jumped in

"How is it not?"

"You had a choice... we didn't... none of us do and you're choosing wrong, I don't care how miserable your human life is," Rosalie explained.

"My life is not miserable. It’s not perfect, nobody’s life is perfect." Bella stated.

"Mine was. Absolutely perfect. There were things I still wanted. To be married with a nice house and a husband who kissed me when he came home. A family of my own... Royce King was the most eligible bachelor in town, I barely knew him. But I was young, I was in love with the idea of love. On the last night of my life, I left a friend’s house late visiting her newborn son, I wasn’t far from home… They left me in the street thinking I was dead, believe me I wanted to be. Carlisle then found me, he smelled all the blood, but he thought he was helping me."

"I'm... so sorry." I said... I had never heard how she got changed until now.

"That's terrible," Bella added.

"I got my revenge on them, one at a time. I saved Royce for last so he would know I was coming. I was a little theatrical back then."

"That's not theatrical... that's bad ass," I said, Rosalie cracked a smile.

"Things got better after I met Emmett, but we’ll always be this, frozen, never moving forward. That’s what I miss the most, possibilities, sitting on a front porch somewhere, Emmett grey-haired by my side surrounded by our grandchildren, their laughter."

"I understand that’s what you want. There’s nothing I’m ever gonna want more than Edward." Bella argued.

"You’re wrong again, after you’ve been changed there’s one thing you’ll want more. One thing you’ll kill for…blood." Rosalie finished, she then walked out of the room without saying another word.

#jasper hale x reader #rosalie hale #jasper hale #jasper hale x oc #jasper cullen #carlisle cullen #emmett cullen #esme cullen #alice cullen #edward cullen #jasper whitlock x oc #jasper whitlock #bella swan #twilight saga #twilight

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livebloggingmydescentintomadness · 2 years

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Momdad, I've gotten some really hateful anonymous messages from (I suspect) an ex-friend. They've said horrible violent cruel things to me and even though I've turned off anons and blocked everything I can think of, it still really hurts my feelings and I don't know what to do. Do you have any of advice?

hey, sweetheart, i'm so sorry you've gone through this, and i'm sorry it's taken me so long to answer this. i've been so fatigued lately i haven't even been able to contemplated answering my asks.

i haven't gotten a lot of hate mail, but i gotta tell you that most every time i do get some horrible insulting message, the main thing that i feel is just pure pity for the person who sent it. i mean, can you even fathom what sort of sad, miserable headspace that person must be in to do that?

sometimes i can actually feel some compassion for that person, because they must be just so deeply insecure and in such mental pain to resort to that behavior, and other times, when they're especially cruel and sick, i just shake my head and say, damn, you pathetic fuck. you're all alone and no one loves you, least of all yourself, because you are a petty and disgusting waste of space. you will be sad and miserable for the rest of your life if you continue like this. thank fuck i'm not like you.

either way, the main thing that i think about is this: no happy, well-adjusted person sends anon hate. you have to be miserable and insecure to treat other humans like that. the inside of that person's head is a horrible, horrible place to live, and i pity them for choosing to spread the misery around instead of seeking help.

oftentimes, when it's a complete stranger who's insulting me, i just laugh because i think it's hilarious that this random person expects me to value their opinion on who i am when they don't even KNOW me, but if the person who's sent these messages is a former friend, that's gotta really hurt. it's okay for it to hurt, for you to feel grief for the loss of that relationship, and pain that someone you cared about is treating you like this. it's okay for you to feel that hurt, and it's okay for you to feel angry that they would say those things to you when you used to be their friend. it's okay to feel the feelings.

it's clear that this person, whoever they are, has the intention of trying to hurt you, and while it's completely valid to be hurt and angry because of that, i always come back to... it's sad. spending your limited time and energy on this earth deliberately trying to hurt another person's feelings... shit, that's so fucking sad. you could do literally anything else, and this is what you're choosing to do with your life? that's so fucking pathetic.

i think the best thing you can do is feed yourself good things, like fun chats with other friends, playing with pets, making a nice meal, taking a walk outside, dancing along to some favorite music, watching a funny show. make some deliberate choices to put good things into your heart.

choose to send some nice messages to friends or even complete strangers and remind yourself that you're better than that person because you choose kindness, you choose love, you choose lifting others up instead of tearing them down. it might be cliche, but living well really is the best revenge.

take care of yourself, dear.

#advice #anonymous #ask

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skywalkersthelimit · 4 years

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Okay so I'm super nervous to post this but I wrote this one-shot for the #trikey fandom. Ive had this idea for awhile but I finally got around to writing it. It's based off the song Lips of an angel by Hinder. I think its perfect for Michael and Trevor lol so please let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!

Honey, why are you calling me so late?

It’s kinda hard to talk right now

Honey, why are you crying, is everything okay?

I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Michael woke up to his phone ringing on his bedside table. He knew who it was before he even looked. He didn’t know how or why because it could have been a number of people. He reached over and grabbed the phone. His eyes squinted from the bright light. Trevor. He was both glad and disappointed he was right but he supposed he might have willed it to be. His thoughts had been filled with his crew mate, best friend and sometimes more, but that was before Amanda and the kids. Well that wasn’t entirely true. Every time they went on a job together, they fell into each other as soon as they were alone in their hotel room. Michael just couldn’t help himself.

It had been a few months since he had seen Trevor though. He tried to put distance between them. He knew that Trevor had a hard time just sleeping together on occasions and understanding Michael had a family to go home to. Michael wanted nothing more than for his friend to be happy but he just couldn’t be the one to give it to him.

He stared as the phone rang and debated answering but he pictured Trevor’s face the last time he had seen him with tears rolling down his face, begging Michael to stay. His heart clenched and he answered.

“Hello?” he whispered. He looked over at Amanda still sleeping. He had to be quiet. He didn't want to wake her and have her find out who he was talking to. He didn’t feel like fighting tonight.

“Hey." Trevor’s voice rang out on the other side of the phone.

“Jesus, Trev. Do you know what time it is?” He flinched as the words left his mouth. He didn’t mean to sound upset but he did.

Trevor laughed dryly.

“Oh I’m sorry, Princess. Am I interrupting your beauty sleep? I thought I might call my best friend who hasn’t talked to me in months” he said coldly.

“Trevor, if you want to talk you can call and you can call during the day.” Amanda moved next to him. He had to be quiet.

“Works both ways. If you wanted to talk you would have called. But you didn’t.” His voice cracked and ended in a broken sob. Michael hated himself a little more.

“T, why are you crying? Is everything okay?” he whispered. He wished he was there with Trevor right now. He would pull him into his arms and hold him until the tears stopped like he always did.

“Speak up M. I cant hear you"

“I have to be quiet or I’ll wake up-" he let his sentence go unfinished, trying to be careful not to set T off.

“Ah, of course. Wouldn’t want to wake the Mrs. I’ll let you go." He could hear the anger, the jealousy, the sadness, and the pain in Trevor’s voice.

“No!” he said rather loudly. He snapped over to look at Amanda, who just turned over on her side away from him. He sighed. “Don’t go. Just- Hang on.” He got out of bed quietly and snuck out the room. He grabbed his cigarettes off the counter and sat down on the couch, lighting one up and taking a deep inhale and exhale. He wasn't supposed to smoke in the house, but fuck it.

Well, my girl's in the next room

Sometimes I wish she was you

I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name

It sounds so sweet

Coming from the lips of an angel

Hearing those words - it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye

But, girl, you make it hard to be faithful

With the lips of an angel

“Now tell me what’s going on, Trev. I can't be too loud. Mandy and the kids are in the other room asleep" he explained.

“I-I don’t know. I just needed to hear your voice.” Trevor replied quietly, his voice soft and tight like he was trying to stop himself from crying. Michael wondered what had him so upset. He had heard he had a boyfriend of sorts from Lester and apparently they’ve been doing jobs together for L since Michael saw T last. When L told him, he saw red. He got wasted and wound up outside screaming and crying at the night sky. Trevor was his, but he wasn't and he never would be. He didn’t want to but he hoped Trevor was calling to tell him he left that guy and to ask when Michael was coming back to work, to him. There was also a chance Trevor was calling because he was drunk and cranked out. Either due to said guy or something else or even for the hell of it. He might be in trouble or lying somewhere drugged out.

“Is it that guy you’re with?” Michael realized how incredibly jealous he sounded but maybe he was. Maybe he missed being on the road, never staying in one place too long. Maybe he missed the thrill of the job, and maybe he missed looking over in the middle of a heist and grinning at Trevor who was grinning just as hard back. Maybe he missed pulling Trevor into a hard kiss as soon as their hotel door shut and having the most passionate nights of his life, and then falling asleep in his lover’s arms. Maybe he even missed the times they just sat on the bed and talked for hours about any and everything. Maybe sometimes he wished it was Trevor who was in the other room, waiting for him to come back to bed.

“How-how do you even know about that?” Trevor asked, sounding surprised.

“Lester.”

“Of fucking course. Well not that it’s any of your business but he's asleep. It ain’t like he’s my boyfriend or anything. You know I ain’t they settling type. There’s only one exception. Fuck. I miss you, Mikey.” He sobbed.

“Trev-"

“It's okay. I understand. It’s just so good to hear your voice, Mikey.” There goes that nickname again. A nickname only Trevor called him. A nickname that sounded so sweet coming from Trevor’s lips. Like an angel. A fallen angel maybe.

“It's really good to hear your voice too T. Mikey. That’s a name I haven't heard in awhile” he said fondly.

“What, too good to be called Mikey anymore?” T said annoyed.

“No, not at all. Although you are the only one who calls me that, but I like it.” He felt his cheeks flush and his heart flutter as he spoke.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Now tell me what’s going on please."

“When are you gonna do a job? It’s been months. We miss you out there. I miss you. I-I need you, Mikey. Please come back to me. I can't stop thinking about you. You haunt me every waking moment, and even in my dreams. Do you dream of me?” Hearing those words made Michael feel weak. He almost told Trevor he was on his way, grabbed his car keys and left without a second thought, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t leave his children. He might do a few jobs now and then but he wouldn’t choose that life over them. No matter how bad he craved it, craved him.

It's funny that you're calling me tonight

And, yes, I've dreamt of you too

And does he know you're talking to me?

Will it start a fight?

No, I don't think she has a clue

“Trevor, I-I want to be there. You know I do, but I got Tracey and Jimmy to think about, but I think about you too. All the time. Especially lately. It’s funny you called. And yeah, I’ve dreamt of you too T.” He didn’t know why he was being so open about this, about whatever it was between them, but hearing how broken Trevor sounded and how it matched how he felt inside, he knew they both needed to hear it. To hear that Michael cared about him, that he missed Trevor just as much as he missed him.

“Oh yeah? What’d you dream about, cowboy?” he asked and Michael could picture his thick eyebrows wagging. He laughed, genuinely laughed. Something he hadn’t done since the last time he saw Trevor.

“It wasn’t like that. Well not all like that.” Now it was Trevor’s turn to laugh.

“Tell me.” He told Michael.

“We were in a nice house, our house. We were happy.” He whispered, afraid of the way his dream made him feel. He didn’t want to dream of Trevor, of their future that would never be. He wished he could let Trevor go, but he didn’t think he ever fully would.

“It doesn’t have to be a dream, Mikey. The kids can be in your life, our life.” Trevor pleaded. Michael had to change the subject before he agreed.

“What about that guy you've been seeing? Does he know you’re talking to me? Won't he get mad?”

"I told you he's not my boyfriend. I don't care if he gets mad, but no, he doesn't know I'm talking to you. He doesn't know anything about you except you're the great Michael Townley, expert thief. He actually wants to meet you." Trevor laughed dryly at that. "What about Amanda? Does she know you're talking to me? Does she know anything?"

Does she know anything, meaning does she know when Michael goes away to work he all but forgets about her? Does she know that his nights with Trevor are filled with more passion than their whole marriage has ever seen? Does she know that Michael's heart will never fully belong to her?

"No, no I don't think she has a clue, Trev." He sighed. The guilt constantly ate at him and he tried so hard to be the husband she deserved, the father his children deserved, but he never would me. He belonged to the game, to Trevor, but it didn't matter. How he felt didn't matter, couldn't matter. He would push his feelings down to the bottom of his heart with a smile.

"Mikey. I miss you so much. So much it hurts. I can't get you out of head, out of my heart. I've tried drugs and alcohol. I've tried fucking anyone in sight and even getting a wannabe you, but nothing works. I've tried telling myself you're better off with her, but you're not. You're miserable and so am I. Please just do the best thing for you, for us." He begged through sobs. Michael could hardly make out what he was saying.

He felt tears rolling down his face. He felt Trevor's words stab his soul. He tried to drown Trev out too. He drank so much even he was worried. He smoked several packs of cigarettes a day. He went to strip clubs almost every night and almost every time he brought one of the girls to his car or a hotel for a quick fuck. He just wanted to feel numb, to never know the pain of loving someone you could never be with. What was that saying? It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. He wasn't sure if he agreed, but inevitably he did. He would feel this pain a thousand times just to know what it was like to love and be loved by this man. What it felt like to lay in his arms as he rubbed his back and kissed his head. He couldn't give that up. He wasn't ready for that.

"I'm gonna call Lester tomorrow and get a job set up. I'll let you know where to go. Everything will be okay. I'll see you in a few days. I promise. Okay?"

"Yeah okay, but what about-" Michael cut him off.

"We'll talk about everything then." He knew he was lying and Trevor probably did too. They both knew he would never be able to leave his family and that pretty little white lies would have to suffice them.

"Okay Mikey, I'll see you in a few days. And you better show up" he threatened, half jokingly.

"I'll be there, Trev. And Trev?"

"Yeah?"

"Next time call me during the day" he said chuckling.

"Yes princess. See ya soon Mikey." He said before hanging up.

Trevor just makes it too hard to be faithful and Michael was weak.

#trikey #michael de santa #trevor philips #gta v #Spotify

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junipersgarden · 4 years

Text

metanoia 5. | Mistake

PAIRING: Peter Parker x Superhero!Reader

SUMMARY: Nick Fury has successfully managed to kidnap Peter and yourself by taking full control over your vacation, Peter’s jealously and love takes control as he targets Brad Davis... quite literally.

WORD COUNT: 2687 words

WARNINGS: Mention of blood

a/n: i still have to write the next chapter and gonna be honest i dunno when i will but i hope you enjoy this part !!

[NOT MY GIF]

...

On a bus in the Eastern Alps, Austria...

...

"Why does Flash do those livestreams?" You tilt your head to the side as you observe Flash talking into his phone as he exaggerates his current status.

Peter simply shrugs with his mouth turned down and eyebrows raised as you giggle at his weird facial expression.

You and Peter were seated toward the back of the bus and the both of you were stoked that you two finally got to have quality time; a time to finally relax and try and not stress about the Fire Elemental that could potentially destroy all of Prague.

You had to also be mindful of what you said and who you said it to so you don't accidentally expose yourself; sure you'd been Saviour as long as Peter's been Spider-Man but still always kept track of your words and actions.

"So, how have you been Y/N/N? Just, haven't really talked or seen you in a while and I'm really sorry about that." Peter's eyes soften as he shifts to look at you.

Knowing he was referring to Spider-Man duties, you weren't mad or anything at him; the crime rate has risen after the Blip since people left with nothing have corrupted themselves and villains have become more 'popular' merely because the Avengers don't exist anymore.

It was up to you and Peter to protect the neighbourhoods in New York like you two had done in previous years but now you both are expected to carry the mantles of the deceased and absent Avengers.

Yes it scared you to be seen as one of the next Avenger's to promise to live to guard the Earth from any threats with your life, sacrificing everything for everyone to be safe but what scared you the most was drifting from the important people in your life like your family, F/N, MJ, Ned and Peter.

"'M sure it's not your fault you've been busy and it's fine Pete. I'm doing alright I guess; just everything feels out of balance after the whole you know. But I don't wanna waste time sobbing about-"

"Hey," Peter gently grabs a hold of your knee in a comforting way, "I know you're not big on talking about feelings but it's good to let it out; whenever you're ready I'm here."

Peter rubbed soothing circles on your knee with a twinkle in his eyes as if he swore on his life he'd be there for you no matter what.

You deeply sigh and refuse to cry but you placed your hand to top of his, turning your head to face him.

"T-There's something I wanna show you." Peter kept his hand on your knee as he dove, scrambling in his bag he fished out what appeared to a glasses case.

The case looked so familiar to you but you couldn't exactly identify where you'd seen it or what possibly is inside it but it seemed to be important.

"Is this you're way of telling me you need glasses?"

"N-No! I got these off... Nick Fury." Peter said ever so quietly, afraid someone would hear him.

"O-Oh... what is it?" You lift your hand off Peter's so he can open it.

Peter opens the case and reveals a pair of glasses with a Stark Industries card beneath it.

"Oh god." You exhale as you stare intensely at the glasses and instantly remember seeing Tony on multiple occasions working on that exact pair or wearing glasses so similar to the one's in front of you.

Peter sees your face and panics. "S-Sorry Y/N I shouldn't of-"

"Try them on Peter." You blurt out and surprise yourself and Peter.

Peter nods and picks the glasses and puts them on. "How do I look?"

You look cute.

"You look like Tony." You smile and pick up the card to fiddle with it and turning it over, you see Tony's handwriting and read what he wrote.

"Pete." You nudge him and pass the card to him so he can read it.

"For the next Tony Stark, I trust you. P.S Say Edith?" Peter reads out loud and gives you a look of confusion.

Suddenly, the lenses of the glasses turn blue as if an AI had been activated.

"Standby for retinal and bio-metrical scan." A female voice from the glasses speaks.

"Peter what's happening?"

"I don't-"

"Retinal and bio-metrical scan accepted." The female voice announces.

"H-Hello?" Peter calls out to the voice in the glasses.

"Hello Peter and Y/N. I am EDITH, Tony Stark's reality, security and defensive system

"So he made you for us?" Peter asks.

"No. But both of you do have access to all of Tony's protocol's."

That sure'd come handy.

"W-What do you stand for and what can you do?" You question EDITH.

"EDITH stands for Even Dead I'm The Hero. Tony loved his acronyms.

"Yeah, he sure did..." Peter agrees.

"I have access to the entire Stark Global Security Network, including multiple defensive satellites, as well as back doors to all major telecommunication networks."

"Woah..." You and Peter say at the same time.

Peter begins to glance around the bus with bewilderment and disbelief.

"W-What can you see?"

"P-People's phones. Like w-what they're on..."

"Oh my god..." You say with astonishment and you can't help but chuckle at your and Peter's discovery.

Peter chuckles along with you and he can't help but grin at you, thinking just maybe, the universe has given him the break and happiness he needs; Y/N is almost back and cannot wait until then or when he finds the perfect opportunity to let his hidden feelings out.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"10 minutes everyone!" Mr. Harrington shouts as the bus stops and everyone jumps to their feet to get out.

Even though Peter's plan was already failing miserably with Paris now out of the trip completely, Peter at least 4 and a half hours just with Y/N without anything going wrong or bad or Brad Davis trying to swoop Y/N away from him was a bonus.

Peter and Y/N had talked for the whole bus ride and shared a few laughs and reconnected more than they have ever done in the last 8 months.

"You go first." Peter offers Y/N to go before him to hop off the bus.

Y/N complied and thanks Peter but as he went to follow her, Dmitri struck his arm out to prevent Peter from walking any further.

"What?" Peter queries as he watches Y/N and the rest of his class walk further away.

Dmitri points and Peter's eyes travelled along Dmitri's finger to a blonde woman with her arms crossed staring at him before disappearing from plain sight.

Peter grips his backpack and began to pursue after her and entered in what was a closed bar and the woman standing with her arms down her sides and noticed something black lying on a fussball table.

"Hello-"

"Close the door." The woman says with an accent.

Peter twists the blue door's handle and closed it shut, giving the woman an awkward smile, started to walk to her and held his hand out for the woman to shake but she stayed perfectly still and unimpressed.

"Um, I'm Peter Parker-"

"Take off your clothes."

I-I'm sorry what?

"Excuse me-"

"You told Fury Spider-Man couldn't be seen in Europe. So I made you this; another suit" The woman leaned toward the table and picked up a black package and gifted it to Peter.

"Oh uh, thank you." Peter grabs the suit but stood with it, not knowing what to do and certainly not wanting to-

"Take off your clothes!" The woman demands in a frustrated and annoyed tone.

"This is embarrassing..."

Peter moves ever so slowly, hoping that maybe she'd tell him not to but she yelled at him to hurry up so Peter dropped his backpack and setted his suit back onto the table.

Here goes nothing...

Fumbling with his zipper, Peter pulls down his jeans and to his horror, the door clicked open.

A beam of white light shone into the room and Peter scrambles to the woman who was reaching for her gun.

"No, no, no don't!" Peter latches his hand to grab the woman's gun and held his other hand as some sort of protection and saw the person at the door was none other than his rival Brad Davis.

"Woah!" Brad peers up from his phone and examines the scene in front of him. "Sorry, uh, I thought this was the bathroom?"

"This is not what it looks like!" Peter hurriedly stammers.

"Uh yeah." A flash from Brad's phone followed by the noise of a camera click.

"What are you doing-"

"I'll leave you two alone." Brad backs his way to the door.

The woman quickly grasps her gun and aimed it to Brad's head as Peter struggles with his pants. "Don't shoot anybody!"

Peter beckons to Brad to stop so he could explain as he zips up his undone flyer, Peter leaves the bar and sees Brad speed walking back up to the group.

"Hey man look-"

"Look, Peter. I'm not here to judge your life choices, dude. If you want to hook up with some random European chick on our school trip, that's on you." Brad gradually slows down to a stop.

"That's not what that was. Honestly."

"I can't pretend I didn't see what I just saw. I know you're trying to get with Y/N/N. It's obvious. But I like her too."

"Wait a minute, hey, hey you can't show Y/N that photo dude come on."

"But I have to. She deserves the truth." Brad spins back around and jogs to everyone, desperately searching for Y/N.

Peter heaves out heavy breaths; years of friendship and everything could be ruined within the next couple of minutes all because of an out of context photo, stubborn Nick Fury and Brad Davis falling for Y/N too.

Oh no.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hoping back on the bus, you managed to score the backseat and promptly waited for Peter; saving a seat for him again and eager to spend the remaining extra 4 and a half hours with Peter again and possibly trying on EDITH for yourself.

As everyone piled onto the bus and finding their seats, you couldn't see Peter anywhere and worried that maybe something happened to him.

But your concern was turned into disappointment as you saw Peter sit in the nearest seat toward the front, the seat furthest away from you.

Maybe he didn't see me?

As if he'd read your mind, you see Peter shoot his head from his seat, staring down at Brad who was furiously scrolling on his phone and then avert his eyes to you before drawing away.

"Oh." You slouch into your seat and can't help but feel upset in a way.

Peter, again, sticks his head from his seat but is wearing the EDITH glasses and standing up with regret written all over him.

Curious, you sneakily stand up and glimpse out the back window and understand to why Peter's face is as pale as a ghost; a Stark Industries drone was hovering to the bus with intentions to strike.

"Holy s-" Your statement is interrupted by Flash Thompson being punched by Peter Parker.

Did he just punch Flash? About time! But wrong time Parker!

"H-Hey ARIS?" You squeak, heart racing with fear for the safety and lives of everyone.

"Good afternoon Ms. L/N, how may I-"

"Need you to tell me what the hell Parker did." You grumble and aim your wrist at the drone for ARIS to scan the drone.

"Target is Brad Davis and is about to fire in 3, 2-"

Surveying the bus, you spot Brad out of his seat with his eyes on you and without thinking, you leap out of your seat.

"1."

"Brad-" Immediately the bus is taken under and swerves violently, people screaming at the instant motion.

Inertia fails to keep you balanced and you forcefully slam into a row of seats and bang your head slightly on the window.

Groaning in pain, everything around you seems heightened and intensified, vision blurred from the strong and unexpected impact, a weight of someone yanking your arm awakes you from your state and soon realise Brad had dragged you to the floor with him.

"Lookatthebabymountaingoats!" Peter's piped voice strains, begging for everyone to look the other way.

Semi shoving yourself off Brad, you help him to his feet and allow him to go in front of you so he can see the 'baby mountain goats'.

With everyone distracted, Peter springs into the air and through the emergency exit window, you watch with two thoughts: What the hell are you doing and what the hell did you do?

Hearing sounds of the drone malfunctioning, you rotate yourself and see flames being emitted from the drone and wince at the explosion, you crawl back into your original seat.

"Didn't see any mountain goats..." Mr. Harrington sadden utters.

"You missed them."

"I know you think none of us have notice Peter." Betty abruptly confesses.

Your heart drops to your stomach; for sure Peter Parker was not in anyway subtle about being Spider-Man but he did have you fooled for years until- until then...

"But your new look," Oh thank god Betty, "I love it."

Sinking into your seat again, you hiss at the pain of your head and massage to rid the pain but as you land your fingers to the wound, you feel that the back of your head is damp.

Pulling your hand from your head, you gasp as you see blood staining your fingertips; the red metallic liquid decorated with black meant that the wound would be deep if it was secreting your 'black blood' which contained essence of your powers out.

"Damn it."

There was only one way to heal it but that would require for your eyes to fully blackout but the chances of someone seeing your eyes could mean the end of your life but if this patch doesn't heal fast enough naturally without extra energy or power converted strictly to the injury could mean severe blood loss.

Let's do this...

You shut your eyelids and focus intently, a small shallow breath leaves you, feeling your iris and eyes become tainted with black.

You could feel the wound closing up and blood seeping its way back into your body, an invisible wave of energy forms around it and soon enough, the gash is no more but you could tell there would be some sort of mark and continuous aching.

"Hey Y/N, you have to see this."

Opening your eyes, you forget of your darkened pupils and squint your eyes shut and knead them to make your eyes go back to normal.

You'd only seen Brad with his eyes glued to his phone but you had no clue of the people around you.

Going with Attempt #2, you bravely open your eyes and breathe out a breath of relief.

Brad, still retaining to his phone, slides into the seat next to you.

"What is it Brad?"

"It's about Peter. He and this chick were in the bathroom and-"

Peter would never.

"You got proof?"

"Yeah! I got a photo of them; can't believe Peter could do such a thing."

Brad enters his photo gallery and is puzzled as he insanely swipes through all his photos.

"Uh, this is so weird, it was right here on my phone!" Brad tries to justify.

"Uh huh... totally weird... Brad if you don't mind, I'm incredibly tired from almost being killed again and would like to enjoy a nap by myself?"

"Oh, yeah, s-sure..." Brad lowers his seat and goes back to his seat, still hunting for his precious picture.

Bending down, you fish out your pair of headphones and plug them into your phone and open your playlist, adjusting the headphones to your ears and Google 'Popular attractions in Prague' and 'Events in Prague'.

Prague for the meanwhile before getting burnt to crisps better be worth it...

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katerinafeddy-blog · 5 years

Text

Nothing Else Matters {Ilya Fedorovich}

Summary: Inspired by Kid Cudi's song "In my dreams". The reader is a part of the vlog squad and used to go to Vernon Hills with David and Ilya.

Note: So this is my first fic here, I've been trying to get a fic done for the past three years lmao. I hope you love this, enjoy xoxo

Attraction is the pull you feel with someone, the need to pay attention to the one that strikes out the most in the room when it's crowded. Think of it as being in a house party. A house party packed with people. Some are dancing, some are drinking and some are having the time of their lives with their friends. And you are also there with your friends having your time of your life. And then a cute stranger passes you and you can't seem to get them out of your mind.

In your case it wasn't a simple stranger. Nor a house party. Nor just an attraction you were feeling.

"You should have said yes to Jim instead of sitting here looking miserable as hell" Dima reported as he sat right next to you handing you a classic red cup filled with beer.

"You are also alone" Being alone at prom is one thing but not being with the person you want to is another.

"Fair enough" Nodding at Dima you let your gaze fall against Ilya again, dancing with his prom date. It would be a dream to be the one in his arms instead of Lauren. A dream... Letting out a deep sigh you took a sip out of your beer and tried to ease your pounding headache "I'm sorry... He didn't tell me he was going to ask...her. Everyone believed it was going to be you"

"Why?" You asked, your gaze now meeting Dima's eyes.

"Because I've never seen two people look at each other the way you two do"

I can think of anything that I've ever needed

School was finished but after prom night, Ilya and Lauren started dating. You wished to go on a trip like you did every summer with him, the boys and Natalie but Lauren had other plans. She did want to go on vacation but she only wanted to go with him alone. She also had a rude way of showing it but of course not in front of Ilya.

"Lauren, every summer we go on a camping trip for a couple of days with the whole squad, you should definitely come along this year!" Natalie requested kindly at her friend's girlfriend but the look on Laurens face was the epitome of mean.

"Me and Ilya are going alone." She replied, her expression remaining the exact same "Period"

"Okay then sure" David pondered poking your shoulder to get a reaction. You shook your head at him and decided to speak up when Alex cut you off.

"Are you sure? It's going to be really fun, we do that every year. We have bonfires, drinks, late night dives-"

"Oh my god what didn't you get, I literally just told you people that I want me and Ilya to go alone. If I wanted you people around me and my boyfriend I would tell you. You may be his friend but you are definitely not mine so stop" She snapped earning a sincere death glare from you. Lauren really had a big mouth. Ever since she was a kid actually and you would gladly put her in her place if Ilya hadn't entered the room.

And as you saw them sitting at David's porch, her on his lap you couldn't help but wonder; could you ever have that with him? Could you ever be able to show your love to him? To get what it feels like to be in his arms? Because you did deserve it according to Natalie. According to everyone. More than Lauren.

It was only when you slept you could truly get a tiny little peak of what it felt like being his. Your dreams were full of his face, full of his voice, his presence, his touch. However they were only just dreams.

Right here in my dreams everything is a-okay I don't worry about anything cause everyday's sunny.

It was 4am of the fifth of July when you received a call from someone you had not expected to call you such late at night. Ilya's name flashed in your screen when you checked the callers ID.

"Y/N/N?"

"Ilya oh my god it's 4am is everything alright?" You questioned flicking the light of the bedside lamp open. Five months ago it would have been normal for him to call you such late but ever since he got a girlfriend it had never occurred.

"I broke up with Lauren" He explained. To be honest it's not like you were going to be sad about it. Lauren had a reputation and she annoying and repulsive. It was no surprise this would happen.

"Oh my god Ilya I'm so sorry..." You pretended. Even though you were happy they broke up, seeing him sad over her would kill you. He deserved someone to love him. "What happened?"

"She said something about you" He took a deep breath and paused. He didn't sound exactly sad, more like frustrated "I realized she was just a bitch. To you and the rest of our friends. Dima also told me about the incident with the camping a couple of days ago. She called you a slut and I swear to god Y/N I had never been this angry my whole life."

" Oh Ilya..." After this you didn't really know what to say. He had been angry at his girlfriend calling you a slut. It sparked a little hope in you but you decided to bottle it up so he could tell you what else happened.

"She also cheated on me." Out of everything this is what angered you the most. This girl really didn't know what the hell she had. You would literally kill for Ilya and her random ass cheated on him? No man was worth cheating over Ilya with.

" What the fuck? SHE cheated on YOU?" You exclaimed putting emphasis on 'She' and 'You'. "This bitch is literally blind Ilya, I swear I'm going to punch her"

He chuckled softly into the phone. Ilya always knew that when you were angry you were acting physical. You always said you were going to hit someone but in reality you'd never even hurt a fly.

"I don't want to talk about her anymore. It isn't worth it" He stated. "I missed you"

"I missed you too Ilya"

You're in my dreams now

Two years later

Life had been really good the past two years. Your career took off and now you were a famous youtuber and a part of David Dobrik's, you childhood friend's vlog squad. Everything was going smoothly and no tragic event had occurred to shake things up.

Currently you were with David, Ilya and Dima in Ilyas company, sitting in his office. It had been a rainy day and you and David were back from LA for a couple of days so you had decided on visiting Ilya and Dima. You missed both of them a lot even though you would see them every other week since you were now able to travel from California to Illinois easily.

"Okay so, you mean to tell me you haven't hooked up with a girl ever since you broke things off with Lauren?" David questioned Ilya as he scoffed. Dima was amused and was ready to crack a joke but Ilya wouldn't let him have it.

"I just don't wanna sleep around with anyone and everyone. Besides I've got someone in mind for a long time" Even though Ilya muttered the last part, it didn't go unnoticed by anyone in the room. Both Dima's and David's heads snapped towards Ilya and they gave him smug smiles.

"And who could the lucky lady be?" You asked with a smile plastered on your face. In your dreams it would be you. You would be the one to be on his mind for this time he mentioned. Yet it would be cliché if he replied 'You'.

" You know her really well. Really really well. Like ever since you can remember yourself"

This is a dream come true, finding the perfect words to sing to you

"You look so beautiful Y/N" Ilya admitted looking at you with such love in his eyes, such admiration. His eyes held the kind of sparkle you see a little kid have when you give them a present for their birthday. Looking back at him, you realized he was more admirable than you ever knew.

A blush crept up to your cheeks as you smiled at him "I really don't but thank you.."

"You've always been the most beautiful woman I've seen. Don't doubt that." It was something about his words that brought tears to your eyes. He of course noticed and wiped them away with his fingers. "Why are you crying?"

"I just didn't expect that, I'm sorry"

"God Y/N/N" He said pulling you into a hug "You are the most beautiful, drunk companion I could ever ask for. Thank you for taking away the vodka when I have too much" Odd words, having nothing to do with what you were talking about but it's what made them special.

"I'm just doing that so I can drink it myself" You whispered into his chest earning a laugh from him "Remember New years eve at the Antonyan's house when you did shots with Dima?"

"Yeah why?"

"I changed your shots with sprite so you would win"

"I think I figured, you were obviously drunk and David told me so" The sound of the door opening made you separate from him, much to your disliking . Todd entered the room and winked at you and Ilya.

"Aw I'm sorry, I'll leave you two lovebirds to continue your make out sess-"

"TODD WE ARE NOT-"

"Whatever sweetheart" He sing-sang before exiting the room making kissing noises.

"Everyone thinks we are dating"

"We are definitely the best non-dating couple in the vlog squad"

"Yes" You marvelled "Yes we are"

Here in my dreams everything turns out dope

Leaving the party was probably the best decision you could take at that moment. It's not that you were too drunk, far from it actually. Partying two nights straight was exhausting even at 22. The loud music was intensifying the pounding in your head and the crowd dancing made you feel a different kind of exhaust.

Ilya felt the same way. He was currently dragging you in your room in David's house. Letting your hand go wouldn't harm nobody nor would you get lost. He just felt safer having you close in a sea full of intoxicated men. Pulling you into the room, he locked the door behind so no drunken couples could ruin your night by making out vigorously in front of you.

"Who's idea was it to have a party tonight out of all days? It's not like we got wasted and got up with killer hungover this morning, we'd have to go through it again tomorrow." You complained throwing yourself in your bed right next Ilya "I've taken so much Advil today I don't think I'll be able to feel pain for a good 10 days total"

" They should hire you to advertise their medicine, I've never seen anyone be so passionate about Advil" He joked and you got up from the bed "Where are you going?"

"I bought neon lights yesterday and I want to try them out. They were like 50$ and I've seen them on Kelsey's room, in pink but I bought them in red" You rambled, looking through the walk-in closet for the box "Found it!"

A good ten minutes after trying to set them up, Ilya decided to look through the instructions and finally you were able to switch them on. The illuminating red vibrant light was mesmerizing. The atmosphere around you had changed completely.

Still with your back facing him as you looked for a charger in your nightstand you carried on conversation. Conversation about love and feelings and soul mates. You knew he was yours.

Turning around to face Ilya you realized he was closer than ever.

The world around you stopped. In this planet its only you and him staring into each other's eyes, and Alex Turner's voice singing I wanna be yours in the background. Your heart was beating in your chest and you were sure he could hear it loud and clear.

The pull between the two of you was undeniable. The tension could be cut with a knife. You felt his breath mingling with yours, he was that close. Your ran your hand up his chest, neck and finally settled on his jaw and then he coudlnt take it no more.

And he's kissing you. Once, twice until you both finally have a taste of each other after years of unspoken feelings and you realize you could never have enough. He's everywhere. Everything is Ilya. He is up your back and over your arms and suddenly he is kissing you harder, deeper with a fervent urgent need you've never known before. The sweetest kind of pain.

His hands travel down you waist to the back of your thighs and he draws you closer, until you are straddling him. And yet he doesn't stop. How could he anyways. Your legs are on either side of his hips and you physically can't get any closer. He loves you and you love him. At this moment no words were in need. You don't need air, you are breathing him. He is giving you life.

And suddenly, everything else is gone, forgotten in the past.

Suddenly Lauren doesn't exist anymore.

And you are not crying in your bedroom over one-sided love.

And none of your friends tease you over your crush.

Because right now Ilya is making love to you with his kisses. His praises to you. His 'I love you's.

And nothing else matters.

#ilya feddy #ilya fedorovich #ilya fedorovich x reader #ilya fedorovich imagine #ilya feddy x reader #ilya feddy imagine #david dobrik #vlog squad #reader #reader insert #vlog squad imagines

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eversoslinky · 5 years

Text

Living according to the rules of the Law of Attraction.

Back in 2009 my Mum gave me this book as a gift, I have since bought the follow up books, "The Magic" and "The Power". These books and the DVD based on the first book in the series "The Secret" have got me through some hard times especially break ups, bereavement and bouts of depression. I'll be the first to hold my hands up and admit I have a love / hate relationship with these books and the practice and teachings of the law of attraction. I believe in the content of these books, the information contained within them is powerful, it's life changing and ten years ago I remember thinking that I'd wasted enough time focusing on the negative things that have happened to me and it was about time I started to take control of my life. This was were the problem started and planted the seed of anxiety in my brain, one of the quotes from the book was that we should all treat the universe like it's a big catalogue and choose what we want from it. To nineteen year old me this sounded amazing, I was so excited. The first rule with the law of attraction is that you must decide what you want, that's the first major hurdle! My mind changes like the weather, I had written on my list ten years ago that I wanted to go to Paris which I'm very thankful has come true (I've been there three times) but (so far) I haven't been to Tokyo (although, my focus has shifted greatly to Hong Kong, Thailand and other parts of Asia so maybe that's why it's never happened, I didn't prioritise or "WANT" to visit Japan enough) I've never been to Cuba either but I keep meeting people who have just back from there so maybe it's a sign...

I found acting that I already had money when I didn't have much to be difficult. I guess the most practical thing to do in this case is to be smart with money instead, you don't have to spend it to act like you already have lots of it. I don't believe for one moment that really wealthy people waste their money on rubbish, they spend it wisely and that's why they have so much of it to enjoy. Instead of going on massive shopping sprees I acted as I would if I was wealthy. I think I'd plan my money and how I'd spend it and obviously share it with other people. I'd have so much of it I wouldn't miss it if I gave some to help people who needed it more than me. This seems practical and sound advice.

Love. A tricky subject, for me it's like having an itch I can't scratch. I'd made a list of what I wanted my perfect partner to look like and since the age of twenty I've met this same person in various forms and they have manifested themselves in various ways. I guess I focused too much on the physical appearance and not on the personality traits I require in a ideal partner. But I've found love, romance and sex to just be the trinity of hell in my life and I've never been in a happy, functioning healthy relationship. I have always been "put off" severely by men who are too keen on me, I've always found them to be physically unattractive (even if they are not) clingy, needy and always make me feel extremely uncomfortable. I always thought that people never revealed their true selves to me until it was too late, it takes me ages to fall in love and it's only happened three times in my life. Instead of wishing for the ideal man and what he looks like (6ft tall, shoulder length dark hair with a beard) I asked the universe for a "smarter version of me" someone who would throw away those rose tinted glasses and see people for who they really are and so far THANK YOU UNIVERSE, it's happened... I've dated and slept with people and they've slipped up told me why they really want me or I've just sussed them out myself, before I've fallen in love or got romantically involved. It's incredibly satisfying being the one to kick someone into touch or call them out on their bullshit. For such a long time I thought there was something wrong with me (yes, was I was too nice!) Now people actually hand me their deepest, darkest agendas on a plate and I'm the one to show them the door.

My health has been an endless battle for me, I felt for a very long time my work/ life balance was out of sync and I was struggling to keep my head above water. How come other people could do this and not me? I remember seeing a quote online once (can't remember who said it, but went it something like this ... "always help yourself before helping others... you always put on your oxygen mask before helping others" Interesting point. I was constantly frustrated and annoyed, trying to prove myself in jobs, I've had I've made myself ill. I was miserable and never smiled or spoke to anyone, which made people isolate me... I shut down I started dreading work and the cycle starts over and over again. What would happen if I did a job I actually enjoyed? What if I used my health problems as inspiration for my writing? What if I used my talents and earned money from them? I started to stop thinking of my past as a learning curve, I experienced all those horrible jobs cause one day I will be doing a job I love where I'm appreciated and valued. Instead of wishing for a different job and a different situation, I'll ask the universe for supportive work colleagues, I'll ask for a better work life balance and a full happy life outside the office that supports me and helps me to come to work refreshed and ready.

Last but certainly not least is the power of Gratitude. Another quote I love is this: "whatever we think about and thank about we bring about" I guess you could say it's hard to be greatful for something you've never had but we all have something to be thankful for. The part I slip up is that I don't do this on a daily basis, I sometimes fall into the trap of complaining about something or sending out mixed signals onto the universe. A good example is this, on Instagram everyday without fail I get creepy men sending me messages they range from disgusting to aggressive to damn right weird, I focused so much energy about complaining about these perverts,I got more and more messages them. I decided (wrongly) to change my choice of words "I'm so thankful I haven't received any awful messages today" I was still getting messages, horrible sick ones and photos too from more people . So I did the best thing ever, I deleted the messages and ignored them, no reply. It was as if they didn't exist. Next time I spoke about it I'd say how great it was that I was getting lots of nice people messaging me, "I love all these people telling me how much they enjoy my blogs" I'd say out loud "Thank you!!!" I'd message people back "Thank you" if anyone asked me what type of people followed me I'd say "nice, respectful people who are creative and interesting to talk to." I focused on the people that made me laugh, who I could form friendships with and I got more and more nice followers. This is what the law of attraction is all about, we need to IGNORE the things that we don't want, this is not being rude! Life is short and it's so incredibly precious why waste it on something or someone you don't feel a connection with? Focus on what gets you excited. I don't know about you but I've already spent so much time thinking about things, people and situations I don't want. Now is my time and I'm going to make it so there's no room for anything I don't like in my mind. I'm going to pull everything I want into my magnetic field and own it.

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lovemesomesurveys · 2 years

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What's the last sweet treat you've had? I just had some Crunchy Cookie M&Ms. Would you ever or have you gone golfing? (mini golf counts) I went mini golfing a couple times as a kid. I haven't had any desire to do so again. How about bowling? I've gone a few times, but I haven't had any interest in doing that either. Wow, the last time was almost 15 years ago. What's something you've been wanting to try but don't have the nerve or time? I haven't felt like doing much in awhile to be honest. Not like I have the energy or strength to do much anyway. I'm barely functioning. Are you able to walk or jog more than 1 mile without stopping? Not anymore that's for sure.

Do you enjoy decorating your home for any occasion? For Christmas, mainly. I did have a few Valentine's and Easter decorations this year, though, when I started getting into my gnome collection. What did you last have to drink? Water. What's your favorite color in the rainbow? All of 'em. Do you tend to stumble over your words when you're nervous? Yes. I also just kinda talk that way in general, but it's definitely worse when I'm nervous or upset. Are you a fan of Ozzy Osborne? No. Have you ever caught Covid19? or any of the variants? You know... I'm starting to wonder if perhaps I unknowingly had it recently. Like, back when I had that first brain fog scare. I've read a few articles about COVID and brain fog and the lingering effects that I'm experiencing ever since. I have also had a really bad cough for the past few months now that I chalked up to being allergies cause I've heard that's been a thing this year as well, but now I wonder if that's related to COVID as well. What color was the blanket that you last covered up with? It's red, blue, and black. How long do you lay in bed until you get up if you can't sleep? Well, I don't get out of bed I'll just either keep trying, read, watch TV, or go on my laptop. To be honest, things are so bad right now that I need help getting up and out of bed. :/

What's a dance move you can confidently do? None. Do you know a Lucy? Nope. What is a name of a person who you don't particularly like? There isn't anyone that I don't particularly like in my life currently. Well, except for myself. Do you ever listen to any A.M. radio stations? No. Do you stream most of your music? I just use Spotify. What is something you dread? My health issues that have completely taken over my life and became the main focus of everything I do. Day in and day out that's all it is. Would you say you're an overall nice person? I think so. I probably don't always come off that way cause I just feel so miserable, frustrated, and broken. What was the last argument you got into about? Health related things surprise, surprise. See what I mean? When did it last rain? A couple weeks ago. Do you use big words in your vocabulary? Sometimes? I don't pay attention to that, I just talk how I talk. What's a funny memory you'd like to share? I don't know, I don't feel like thinking about one right now. Do you keep Christmas bags and old wrapping paper to reuse? Yeah, if I feel it's still usable then I don't see the need to waste it. What's a charity you support strongly? Animal and children related ones. Though, admittedly, I haven't donated to any charities in awhile. I used to regularly. What's the first flowers or trees you notice that bloom when it gets warmer? I don't pay attention to that. Have you ever accidentally punched yourself in the face while pulling your covers up? Yes, or when putting on a shirt/sweater/pullover. How about dropping your phone on your face? Ahhh, yes. That definitely hurt. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? Nooo. I would never. What's one of your favorite TV shows? Gilmore Girls. What are 3 words or phrases you use most often? "I don't know." When did you last trip or fall? It's been awhile. What type of pain pills do you use for a headache or do you just tough it out? I can't take anything for them, I just have to ride it out. Cold washcloth over my eyes and a nap usually helps, though. What did you last say out loud to a family member? "No." Can you remember the last time you dressed up nice for an event? It was a few years ago for a wedding. What did you last thank somebody for? My mom who came home for her lunch to help me with something. I have a lot to thank her for. She does so much for me while having a full-time job and other things and she has so very little time for herself and I feel so bad because she deserves so much more. Do you see any stuffed animals from where you are? I see a ton all over my room. Do you or anyone you know suffer from food allergies? Yeah. Look up from your device. how much black do you see? A lot. What color do you dislike the most? Not a big fan of brown. Can you whistle good enough to get through a whole song? I can't whistle at all. What did you last tie a knot for? My shoes. How many surveys have you taken so far today? A couple.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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