dorightbyrinley

[dorightbyrinley]

Understanding & Conquering A Bad Habit 

I think everyone has something that they positively want to change about themselves; but as we all know, this isn’t always the easiest thing to do… I made this spread to understand and conquer any negative behaviors, thinking patterns, and tendencies. I had really wonderful results!

Root of issue

How it affects you

How it affects others

Outcome if you do not change

How to approach issue

Necessary Action

Advice

#tarot #tarot spread #tarot cards #tarot community #witchy #witchcraft #tarot magic #witch #magic #real magic

[dorightbyrinley]

HELLO OLD FRIEND - A DEITY SPREAD

For understanding new or existing deities that have presented themselves in your life. It invokes an understanding that the relationship flows both ways, hence the focus not only on them but you. This can equally be used for spirit communication/angel communication/etc. 

Crystals to use: 

Amethyst 

Clear Quartz

Black Tourmaline 

Lapis Lazuli 

**When contacting spirits/deities, please take the necessary precautions (cleanse the room, salt circles, ground yourself.) At ANY time where you feel like the reading is out of your control or that you are in danger, politely end the reading and cleanse your space once again. Be safe, know your limits, and don’t feel bad for politely declining a deity/spirit in which you feel like you can’t serve with where you are at this point in your life. 

#tarot #witchcraft #wicca #divination #pagan #polytheism #tarot spread #tarot deck #rider waite #the wild unknown #prisma visions #the fountain tarot #hellenic polytheism #norse polytheism #theoi #deity #deities #angels #spirits #spirit communication #spirit work #shadow work #chakras #crystals #witch #pendulum #spirit board #ouija board #runes #oracle deck

[dorightbyrinley]

Tarot Spread By Request: My Life Is A Hot Garbage Fire

1, 2, 3: What’s on fire? 

I know you think you don’t need these three cards. But trust me, you need these three cards. They orient the whole spread to make sure you’re on the same page as to what’s really gone up in flames in your life.

4: Is it really that bad?

What’s the reality? What’s the lesson here? All the time, “bad” things happen (or spontaneously combust) and it’s actually for our own good. Here’s a peek at your silver-lining, though you may not be ready to embrace it yet. Also, if you’re making a mountain out of a molehill - this is where you’ll get a reality check.

5: Who/what piled up the garbage?

Maybe it was you? Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was someone else, or a life circumstance, or a particular desire. Find out.

6: Who/what set it ablaze?

Piled up garbage is one thing. A burning pile of garbage is another. Garbage can be salvaged. It’s best to let flaming garbage burn itself out. So who/what decided that there was nothing redeemable here? What circumstances looked at this pile of garbage and gave a resounding: “Fuck it!”

7: How can I forgive them?

You can also frame this card as: How can I move on? Whether you set the blaze yourself, or it was someone else, or a circumstance or life event that did it for you, forgiveness will give you the strength to leave the ashes where they lie. 

Note: Look, if you try this spread thinking that nothing is really that messed up in your life (like I just did), you’re going to probably get called out on something. Take it with a grain of salt. The severity of a garbage fire is truly relative to how you feel about it.

And, above all, remember that you can’t get a phoenix unless you start with a pile of ashes.

[dorightbyrinley]

#tarot #tarot spread #new moon #full moon #witch #waxing moon #waning moon

[dorightbyrinley]

How did this turn into feminism?

Well good day.

Many readers have questioned the absence of my blog posts. 

Listen folks, there’s a lot of shit going on over here. So buckle up because I’m about to explain myself, and this post may get wild.

Aside from getting married back in April and trying to get things packed and ready to move with a 9 month old, I have some very acceptable reasons as to why I have not bothered blogging. Acceptable in my opinion.. 

First of all, I’m obviously no smarter than a cave person because my dumb ass recently found out there’s an illegal immigrant freeloading off of my womb. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Congrats!” and “Oh my gosh you must be so excited!”. 

Queue loser buzzing sound. Do not congratulate my idiocy and no, I am not overly excited. Why? Well you see, I’ve dedicated the only bit of myself I had left to my blooming business, Real Focused Photography.  (Shameless self promo)

Literally if you read my blog and use a different photographer, you suck.

A baby is the last thing I want to think about right now. I know my posts are usually funny and a bit controversial, but I’m serious when I say I really don’t know what to do in this situation. I’ve never been proud of myself for anything, and I’ve never had something that I’ve worked my ass off for to accomplish.

I swear to god if you say “Your babies are accomplishments!”..

I love my daughter, and some people believe your kids should be the most important thing you focus your attention on in your life. But my kid is going to sponge off of me until she’s in her mid 20′s. Then she’s going to leave me and have a family of her own, or travel the world, or just move far away to get some space. And then what do I have left? A whole lotta’ nothing!

I want my daughter to know that she can conquer her dreams and be whoever she wants to be. But how can I teach her that if I throw mine away?

So here I am. A parent to a 9 month old, expecting a second, and prioritizing my work before my fetus. 

I forget it’s there most of the time to be honest.

Does that make me a monster? Probably. 

So if you’re judging me, go ahead and do so. But if you must know, I want what’s best for my kid(s). And I strongly believe building up my business is only going to benefit them in the long run. 

I need my daughter to know women are strong, independent, and powerful. We are more than “wives” and “mothers”. We are people who can change the world.

Bite me, Susan.

#sorry not sorry

[dorightbyrinley]

Wedding BS.. Oops..I Mean Bliss

I’m getting married in five days.. My daughter is teething... I’m a manic bipolar nut job, with fifteen different crafts and activities on the go.

 I haven’t shaved my legs in months, there’s an ancient, half eaten bowl of oatmeal on the coffee table, and I literally went commando today because I had no clean underwear to put on.

Local Starbucks mom, Christine, gasps from somewhere in the distance.

Fun fact, I also haven’t been to a grocery store since the first week of March, which means we’ve been living off of chicken strips, minute rice, and take out.

Nick and Wyatt from next door simply cannot believe they are hearing this.

Honestly, I know there are parents out there who are actually capable of managing all of this at once, and more! But it’s quite obvious that I am NOT one of those parents.

So no, ‘pristine Christine’, I did not do laundry for the fourth week in a row.

And no, ‘Vegan Diet Nick and Wyatt’, my kid did not eat organically homemade baby food today.

Or ever..

So there you have it. I think once the wedding is over, it will be easier for me to get back into the swing of things. And in the mean time, I want to thank all my readers for their patience with me. I appreciate each and every one of you.

#dorightbyrinley #momblogger #mumblr #momblr #howyourewarthit #ringsandrinley #keepingitrealforrinley #compulsivegrin

[dorightbyrinley]

One Of My Organs Betrayed Me

I wrote this a couple weeks ago and forgot to post it.. So here’s a super late, significantly less relevant blog post. Enjoy!

------------------------------------

I don't know where to start.

Last Monday I had some pain in my lower right side, and being the hypochondriac that I am, I jumped to the conclusion that I had appendicitis. My mom, Alex, and some friends who know my struggles with anxiety assured me that I would be keeled over in pain if it truly was my appendix. So I went to bed.

Tuesday I woke up and still had that dull ache every so often in my side. I ignored it all day telling myself it was nothing but gas or a cramp. By six that evening, I started to get increasingly worried about it and asked my friend if he would drive us up to emerge. So we packed up the baby and off we went.

By the time we got to the hospital, I was in tears. Partially from worry, but mostly disappointment in myself. Why do I keep letting my anxiety control me like this? Especially when deep down I know there's no way anything's really wrong with me.

We only waited about an hour, and once they got my blood work back and preformed the palpitation test, the doctor told me he believed I was in the early stages of appendicitis. However, the ultrasound lab is closed at night and wouldn't open again until eight the following morning. So he sent me home for the night. Of course I barely slept that night due to the fact that I was now well aware of the ticking time bomb in my lower abdomen.

The next morning we got up and headed back to the hospital for my ultrasound. A few hours of pain, prodding, and poking later, they finally concluded that I did indeed have appendicitis. I would need surgery as soon as possible. The bad news? Three emergency patients and another girl needing her appendix out came in while I was waiting and ALL of them needed their surgeries before mine.

I'll save you the details of the long wait, but I will add that I didn't even see the operating room until just before midnight. The surgery went well and I've healed okay, but it really set me back mentally. Before heading home, the nurse informed me that I could not lift anything over ten pounds for the first week or two. Guess what weighs over ten pounds? My three month old daughter. Needless to say I haven't been able to care for her at all. I couldn't even breastfeed her because of the anti-inflammatory's they prescribed me. I only cut her off for a few days, but that was enough to basically lose my milk supply. Now she needs formula half the time because my milk just isn't coming in like it used to.

Honestly, it makes me really upset not being able to exclusively breastfeed now, and I'm afraid I'm going to lose my supply all together. At the very least I'm hoping to keep producing enough for a couple of nighttime feedings until her first birthday. I know she won't die without it, but it's an amazing way to bond and I'd miss it more than she would.

So I’m sorry this blog was utterly depressing and humorless, but that’s basically how my life is going these days. 

Depressing and humorless- An autobiography by an appendix-less nut case.

Maybe they’ll turn it into a movie... Staring Michael Cera (in a wig) and directed by Tommy Wiseau!

What an awful mess that would be.

#justlikeme

#mommakesthemumblies #mumblr #momblr #momblogger #dorightbyrinley #appendicitis #breastfeeding

[dorightbyrinley]

My Week From Hell

Dear readers,

I am so sorry for my absence. The past week has been a complete and utter nightmare, making any form of blogging impossible. 

It all started last Saturday night. Rin was extremely fussy and developed a low grade fever. We gave her some Motrin and went to bed. I figured it would be gone by morning.

Wrong.

Sunday comes, and her no longer low grade fever is becoming cause for concern. I called Telehealth and was informed that there was a ninety minute wait to speak to a nurse. I spent the next hour and a half trying to regulate Rin’s body temperature with cool cloths and medicine, but nothing worked. By the time the nurse called back, her fever had gone up to 101 degrees, and we were instructed to take her to the ER immediately.

As you know, emerge isn’t an overly enjoyable place for anybody, especially myself. It gives me crippling anxiety. We’re talking crying, aggressive shakes, and heart palpitations. I kid you not, I look like some sketched out coke fiend going through violent withdrawal symptoms.  Thankfully, little babies like her don’t sit out in the waiting room for very long because they have garbage immune systems. Plus, she hasn’t been vaccinated yet.

Anxiety- 1 Kendra- 0

Once we were in our own room, they informed Alex and I that they would need a urine sample and some blood work. How do they get a two month old to pee in a cup? They don’t! Instead, a catheter is inserted into the urethra to collect said sample. I couldn’t stay in the room while they preformed these tests because, quite honestly, I nearly puked and passed out while they were explaining it all.

Anxiety- 2 Kendra- 0

A nurse gave her some Tylenol and told us we could go home for the night, but we had to return for results the following day. So we went home. The next day, Rin seemed more herself, and her fever was lower. I was feeling positive and far less anxious, so I decided to take her by myself and let Alex stay home. Kiddie emerge was empty, with the exception of 2 families. So we got in right away. I felt totally fine while waiting to see the doctor because I was certain that the fever had just been a fluke.

Wrong. Again.

Turns out my daughter has a bacterial bladder infection and they decided the best form of treatment would be through IV antibiotics. Fine. I figured I could tough it out and stay by her side while the IV was inserted. It would just be a quick poke, right?

Fucking wrong. AGAIN.

I had to leave the room after watching her scream for nearly ten minutes as the nurses tried poking every little vein in her body. They tried both her hands, elbows, and feet, and STILL could not get that damned IV in. So I left the room balling my eyes out and convulsing. I felt like the worst mom in the world, leaving my child when she needed me most because I was too much of a coward stay. 

Anxiety- 3 Kendra- 0

They never were able to get that stupid IV in, so instead, they opted for 2 muscle shots of antibiotics right in her tiny little thighs. Poor girl screamed for five minutes, then whimpered for nearly fifteen. Oh, and guess what? We had to go back the following day for two more needles in the same damn spots.

I wish I could tell you that everything's great and back to normal now, but it is not. On Wednesday night I came down with a sore throat and by Thursday evening Rin had developed a cough. At five o’clock this morning, we had to call an ambulance because Rinley woke up coughing so hard she vomited and turned dark red. The paramedics assured me that although it was scary, it just sounds like a chest cold, and may be wise to contact the family doctor instead of going back to the hospital. She’d probably just pick up something else while there.

So here we are, the Friday night sick squad.  I can honestly say this has been the worst week of my life so far, and I seriously hope she starts feeling better soon.. Because I’m actually going to give myself an aneurysm. 

Help..

#mommyblogger #momblr #mumblr #parenting #sickbaby #dorightbyrinley

[dorightbyrinley]

Sick baby

I'm so sorry for the lack of activity this past week. Rinley has been catching one thing after another. On Tuesday it was one bout of projectile vomit, featuring several rounds of green diarrhea, and as many of you know, I don't handle puke well. It was no fun for any of us. That being said, Wednesday and Thursday were much needed recovery days. Friday rolled around, but she still seemed out of sorts, sleeping and acting far more fussy than usual. Sure enough, today we woke up to a baby who got herself so worked up that she turned purple due to a sore throat. We drugged her, but she's refusing to nap. 

Which is probably why she's acting like such a hell beast. 

So again, I apologize for my absence, and depending on how our sick little bub is feeling tonight and tomorrow, I'll finish up the post I started a few days ago. In the mean time, I'm needed for germy baby snuggles.

#sick baby #momblr #mommyblogger #momblog #mumblr #dorightbyrinley

[dorightbyrinley]

A Visit With An Old Friend

I haven’t blogged in nearly a week and I for that, I apologize. I know I have  many readers who look forward to my posts, which I love, and I hate letting you guys down. Honestly, I barely have an excuse besides wasting the free time I do have by watching Youtube videos or scrolling through Instagram. I’m only human, dammit.

That being said, this entry will be a bit different. Instead of writing about Rin, I’m going to be writing for her.

Today I had a visit with an old friend, and for the sake of their privacy, I’ll be referring to them as ‘Ed’ throughout the post. Now, I wish I could tell you that Ed and I met at a Starbucks and shared fancy frappuccinos and stories about our perfectly wonderful lives, but that would be bullshit. I can barely afford ‘no name’ tea bags, let alone overpriced caffeinated beverages. Plus, there’s no such thing as a perfect life.

Instead, today’s visit with Ed took place at the hospital. Which is exactly where we met back when I was barely fifteen. You see, Ed and I attended the same child and adolescent treatment program for eating disorders at that time. Here’s the problem with it.. As soon as you turn eighteen, you can no longer attend said program. There’s no transition, and it’s difficult to find space in any form of adult treatment programs. That is, If you can find any adult treatment.

Anyways, I found out that Ed had checked himself into a recovery floor a few days ago and decided to ask if he was up for a visit. He replied yes, and so I got Rin and myself ready to go. Once we arrived and found Ed, my heart broke in two. How could this hideous disease take so much physically AND mentally from someone so beautiful, strong, and kind? AGAIN! 

Disordered eating is no joke. For example, Anorexia Nervosa has the highest mortality rate of any other psychiatric illness. In fact, roughly ten percent of individuals with the disease will die within ten years of the disorders onset. That's one in ten people dying from this monster of a disease. You want to know something even more fucked up? I know at least ten people who have suffered from anorexia for about that many years. Statistically speaking, one of my friends is going to die.

So here’s what scares me as a parent. By grade ten, forty percent of girls perceive themselves as fat, and twenty nine percent of them will engage in weight loss activities and behaviors. And whose at a higher risk for that? The children of people who’ve struggled with disordered eating, such as Rinley. And the thought of that makes me sick.

Before I wrap this up, I’d like to thank the readers who stuck around until the end. I know this wasn’t a very uplifting blog topic, and it certainly wasn’t humorous. But I feel it’s something worth sharing. As for Ed? He’s amazingly brave and I know he’s going to beat this! I’m so proud of him for taking the first big step towards recovery. You’ve got this, my friend!

For more information on eating disorders, I’ll post the link for the National Eating Disorders Association website below.

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ 

#momblog #mumblr #momblr #dorightbyrinley #eating disroders #eating disoder recovery #ed

[dorightbyrinley]

Parenting  is spooky

I'm sacrificing nap time for this. Is that wise? Probably not.. But I'll deal with the consequences later!

So today is my all time favorite Holiday, Halloween! *queue spooky scary skeletons* In celebration of this spooktacular time, I've created a list of things that have frightened me as a parent thus far. So here goes!

Diaper rash: We experienced this for the first time last week. It started out with a little bit of irritation, but took less than 48 hours to spiral out of control. I mean, that shit spread like wildfire. Alex and I tried every diaper rash cream under the flipping sun, but to no avail. I wound up calling our family doctor to book an appointment and was lucky enough to score one for the following day. The doc prescribed Rin an anti-fungal cream, and the rash started clearing up within hours. Hallelujah!

The absence of poop: This one is absolutely nerve wracking. One day without poop: Fine. Two: Okay.. Four: Uhh.. Eight: How have your insides not exploded yet?!  Like, where the heck do they store it all? And seriously, I didn’t even know it was possible to so obsessed with another person’s bowel movements. I definitely get way too excited when this kid takes a dump, literally cheering and clapping. It’s sad, really.

The soft spot: Although they say babies are more resilient than you think, I’m still terrified of accidentally giving my daughter brain damage via the soft spot. You see, Alex and I are not perfect parents, but we’ve made it this far without turning her brain into scrambled eggs! Knock on wood.. I mean, don't get me wrong, there's been a couple of incidents where one of us has bumped her head on the bedroom door or the side of the tub, but who hasn't? Don't make me say her name, dammit..

I totally could have listed ten more things.. But Rin is screaming at me.. So I should probably go. Goodnight guys, and happy Halloween! 

#halloween #momblr #mumblr #momblog #momblogger #parenting #motherhood #dorightbyrinley

[dorightbyrinley]

Ball Sucking Advice: Part One

Since becoming a mom, I've quickly learned that people love giving parenting advice. Friends, family, complete strangers, you name it! They just can't help themselves. And sure, some of it is helpful, but most of it is complete garbage. So today I will share my opinion on a piece of advice in which I've heard at least fifteen times.

"Sleep when they sleep."

Oh, sure! And when do you suppose I should eat, clean the house, take a shit, call my mother-in-law, meal plan for the week, or just enjoy ten minutes of 'me' time?

Your precious 'me' time is dead. You gave up that luxury when you slipped and fell onto a penis.

And honestly, even when I want to sleep, I can't. I'll lay there worrying about typical mom stuff. Money, bills, our living situation, our daughter. Or sometimes I simply can't get my brain to shut off. Then if and when I'm finally able to fall asleep, guess who wakes up?

In conclusion, I'm starting a collection of posts called "Ball Sucking Advice". So get ready for those.

I'm a mature adult, I swear...

#ballsuckingadvice #momblr #mumblr #momblog #dorightbyrinley #parenting #sleepwhentheysleep

[dorightbyrinley]

Shitposting

Well, I’m completely run down and it’s only Monday. I feel bad because I was hoping to make this post a long one, but I physically cannot get my brain to focus. I think it’s probably a mix of the sleep deprivation and my increasing anxiety levels. So I’m keeping it short.

Yesterday was Sunday not-so-fun-day. Why? For starters, my daughter hadn’t pooped since Wednesday. What does that mean? It means the kid eats about fifteen times a day, (I’m not even exaggerating) and then shit out four days worth of approximately sixty feedings. SIXTY FEEDINGS. All the parents reading this know exactly where that poop ended up. All up her back and on her poor father. That diaper deserves an honorable mention though, because it’s nothing short of a miracle that it held the amount of crap it did. So here’s a shout out to The Honest Company. We love their products.

What makes this story even better? The fact that it was her first time wearing this adorable little white onesie (extra emphasis on the ‘white’) with little pink and blue birds on it. The entire back side is now stained with a glorious shade of yam soup. Why do children’s clothes even come in white? Who can honestly say their kid returns home after school in a stain free, white t-shirt? 

Fucking Susan, probably.

Anyways, It was an utter shit show. Pun intended. So there I was, thinking “At least it can’t get any worse!”.  Don’t tempt fate. One bath and a clean pair of pj’s later, low and behold, the kid pukes all over herself, myself, and the change table. Turns out getting ready for family movie night took two baths, three outfit changes, (plus one for me) and an ungodly amount of wipes.

“Have a baby” they said.. “It will be fun” they said..

It baffles me that people do this more than once. You guys are brave.. But you’re also lunatics.

Oh, what did we watch, you ask? Nothing. We were too damn tired to watch anything after that bullshit.

#mommyblogger #momblog #newmom #mumblr #momblr #parenting #babygirl #baby #newbaby #sleep deprived #adventures in parenting

[dorightbyrinley]

You named her what?

Happy Friday, folks!

I’m going to make this quick because Alex and I are hoping to binge watch the newest season of South Park tonight. Good old family fun, am I right?

Any who, let’s talk about my daughter’s name. Rinley. A lot of people ask Alex and I where it came from and how we chose it. Truth is we originally picked out the name Hildegarde, but the more I thought about it, the more I hated it. (My apologies to all the Hildie’s.)

Then I landed on a name I absolutely loved, and that was Rin. In Japan, Rin is a unisex name meaning ‘dignified’ or ‘cold’. Not to mention it sounds super cool. It would have been perfect, except I have this weird obsession with being able to give people nicknames, and you literally cannot shorten that shit. So Alex and I sat there trying to think of a name that could be shortened to ‘Rin’, and wound up adding the name ‘Lee’ to the end of it. So basically my OCD prevented our daughter from having a super rad, one syllable name. 

Now here’s the downfall to giving your child a unique or unheard of name, nobody gets it right the first time they hear it.

“Did you say Wrenley?” “Brinley?” “Hey, my nephew’s name is Riley too!”

Oh, my poor daughter. She’s going to have a heck of a time when she starts school. I just smile and nod no matter what they repeat back to me. I’m not even kidding.

Slouchy bearded employee at EB Games: “Did you say her name is Bruce Lee?” Me: “Ah... Yes. Yes, I did. Slouchy Beardy who’s probably named Tyler: Dude, that’s sick. Me: Enter the Dragon, amiright?

AH, did I mention her great grandfather calls her ‘Ringlee’? I kid you not, the man says it every time he sees her, and I do not have the heart to correct him. I should have said something the first time, but now we’re in too deep! She’ll probably correct him one day when she’s, like, five years old, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it! Oh well. What can ya do, right?

Not give your kid some crazy made up name, duh.

I love it almost as much as I love her. And that’s a pretty fair amount.

#motherhood #babynames #whatsinaname #mommyblogger #momblog #newmom #sleep deprived

[dorightbyrinley]

I am a mess.

I have literally been sitting here for fifteen minutes, staring at the laptop screen, with a miserable five week old hanging off my boob. “Parenting is a blast!” Said no one ever.

I was this close to saying ‘forget it’ and ditching my plans to blog tonight because, honestly, the only material I have to work with started five weeks ago, and it isn’t what I’d hoped to be writing about. But then I thought back to the post I made two days ago about not sugar coating this motherhood nonsense and I decided to be truthful. So here it goes.

People who know me well, know that I’m comfortable speaking up about my mental health issues, but I find this particular problem rather difficult to share with others, and it’s postpartum depression.

Now, I’ll tell you why I’m so afraid to talk about this. I know that how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking may sound concerning to some. So before you continue reading, I need you to know that my daughter is safe and I would never hurt her.

Moving on.

So what is postpartum depression? Excellent question. It’s basically what it sounds like.. Depression that occurs post pregnancy. It can happen two weeks after birth, or six months later. It can cause extreme sadness, changes in eating or sleeping patterns (because you could totally afford to have your sleep fucked with even more), high anxiety, low energy, irritability, and crying fits. Like, we’re talking uncontrollable sobbing six times a day for reasons unbeknownst to yourself.

It really sucks. And in my experience, you feel completely alone in the matter. You’re probably afraid to open up about it because you have no clue how people will react. You may fear your mother’s disappointment in you, or perhaps Susan from your mommy group will decide you’re an unfit parent and call child services.

First of all, toss those thoughts. I had them too, and they’re ridiculous. Your mother of all people knows how hard it is to be a mom, and chances are she felt the same way at some point. Second of all, Fuck Susan. She’s probably married to a doctor, has a nanny, and wears her Fitbit Flex2 to the gym seven days a week.

In all seriousness though, postpartum depression has taken what should have been some of the happiest weeks of my life, and turned them sad. Foolishly, I was hoping we would have developed a routine by now. Going for walks in the stroller every afternoon, bath time at eight, and story time before bed. Yeah, right. I can count on both hands how many times I’ve left the house since this kid was born, she hates the bath, thus we only bathe her when she needs it, and I hardly ever read to her. Honestly, once in a while I think about how nice and easy life was before she showed up and whether or not it’s too late to drop her off at the fire station.

Not really though..

Yes, really.

I feel like a failure most days. I’ve cried more this past month than I have in my entire life, I’m afraid to leave the house with or without Rin, I’ve been neglecting my health and slipping back into the poor eating habits of my past, and I don’t really care to see my friends or family. I’m kind of a hot mess.

If you take away the hot and double the mess..

I want to wrap this up before my daughter starts screaming again, however I don’t have much of a ‘happy ending’ for this entry. Postpartum depression won’t magically disappear. It’s fucking resilient. So if you're struggling, please talk to someone. Anyone.

..Except for that bitch, Susan.

#fuckoffsusan #momblog #mommyblogger #ppd #postpartum #postpartumdepression #nosugarcoating #cutthebullshit #mentalhealthawareness #parenting #tellitlikeitis #dorightbyrinley

[dorightbyrinley]

I am a hypocrite.

Hello, and welcome to the blog I swore I’d never create.

When I was in my very early twenties, I used to gag and roll my eyes at the thought of ‘mommy blogs’. They were all the same. Women mindlessly rambling on about how perfect and wonderful their children were. “Jimmy’s brilliant science fair project won first place at school today!” and “Jessie’s dance recital was adorable!”. And of course there are pictures to prove it posted just below.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. 

Geez Kendra, don’t be such a bitch.

Can’t these parents share the great things their children have accomplished?

My response? Of course they can, and they should! However, when the only things shared on parenting blogs are sunshine and rainbows, I get a little salty. 

Why? Well, you see, I am a new parent. And for the very short period of time in which I’ve held the ‘mom’ title, I’ve learned that having a child is not sunshine and rainbows! No, having children is more like torrential downpours with strong gusts of wind starting at 90 km/h. At least that’s how the first month of parenthood has gone for me.

My point here is that either I’m a really shitty mom, or all of these blog moms are sugar coating their lives before sharing them. I bet Jimmy was later suspended for plagiarism and Jessie recently sprained her ankle, thus putting a six week hold on her young dancing career. How tragic.

Am I a sadist?

Regardless of what I said, here I am, blogging about being a parent.. The only difference with my blog is that you won’t get the sugar coated shit. And that’s the Kendra Schell guarantee!  So stay tuned?

I don’t know.. I’m so sleep deprived.

#mommyblogger #momblog #parenting #honestyiskey #nosugarcoating #oops #newmom #sos #dorightbyrinley #kendrakeepsitreal