flappy-owl

[flappy-owl]

Being neurodivergent is confusing because objectively, there are several things I'd like to change about myself regarding it, just for quality of life.

But the moment someone else expresses a desire for the same changes.

red flag

fucking run

[flappy-owl]

i never know how to talk about autism to neurotypicals, because like... i wouldn’t necessarily want to NOT be autistic, because i wouldn’t be me, but also... it makes my life much worse and more painful and i wouldn’t wish it on anybody and i can’t fathom that there are people who wish they were autistic because it’s a disability and i guarantee you it that even for autistic people with low-support needs, like me, it is much worse to experience than it might seem from the outside?

like, i have no friends because i don’t know how to move past the initial conversation stage of talking to people, i have to plan my entire day around when the least overwhelming time to eat in the dining hall will be, i’m dehydrated all the time because i can’t tell when i’m thirsty, and i often can’t get the executive function to do things even if i want to. it’s not a fun experience, and it’s not something “quirky”? 

#actuallyautistic #asd #autism

[flappy-owl]

if you “wish you had autism”……… why??? it sucks ass. you just want the oppression points and clout. you don’t even have to admit it, i see you🤡

[flappy-owl]

kinda missing 2016-2019 actuallyautistic tumblr. Mostly autasticanna, who had the single greatest impact on my accepting my autism of any other influence on me. She kind of felt like the community’s cool cousin and I just miss being able to read about Camp Autism and all of her other content?

There are obviously tons of other blogs who used to mainstays here who’ve also kind of disappeared that I miss, but autasticanna just had such a big impact on what the community was like to be in?

#actuallyautistic #autism #asd #autasticanna #autism community

[flappy-owl]

Sorry in advance for the negativity in this post.

I just... I've really not been enjoying being autistic recently? I just started college and I've been here for weeks and I haven't made a single friend. I haven't even really made any acquaintances who I could actually reach out to or anything. I have to eat every meal alone and it's just a repeat of high school all over again and I just want friends. I would settle for one friend, even.

I just don't know how to make friends.

Like, I usually have a pretty ambivalent relationship with my autism. Like yeah, sensory issues profoundly limit my life, and I'm horrible at talking to people, but I also like being very logical and having special interests. I don't know how to imagine myself without my autism, so it's just... part of my life.

It's just been a really horrible time recently.

So like... if anybody has any autism college tips, that would be good. Or friend tips. Or just life tips. I'll take anything at this point.

#autism #actuallyautistic #asd #actuallyneurodivergent #neurodiversity #neurodivergent

[flappy-owl]

big day for the autism community

[flappy-owl]

literally any version of peter parker: you can fit so much autism in this

[flappy-owl]

Okay, so the subtext of “Surface Pressure” is about an autistic girl masking and constantly trying to hold everything in and be as helpful as she can be to her community, even though it’s hurting her, because she believes that that’s the only way that she can be successful.

“What Else Can I Do,” meanwhile, is about an autistic girl learning to unmask for the first time and finding the joy of being herself, rather than just what other people want her to be.

#do i believe on some level that everything in encanto can be interpreted through an autistic lens? #yes #yes i do #my evidence for this is that i'm autistic and i say so #also the evidence is right there if you're looking #encanto #luisa madrigal #isabela madrigal #what else can i do #surface pressure #actuallyautistic #asd #disney #lin-manuel miranda #madrigals #autism #autistic #autistic girl #autistic masking #masking

[flappy-owl]

Being an autistic girl and masking is like your entire life being your first day as a peasant girl pretending to be nobility in a fantasy story. Trying to keep track of all of your observations and your few “lessons” about the “correct,” way to act, but knowing that you won’t be able to keep up the act for long before it all comes tumbling down when you eventually slip up badly enough

#Actuallyautistic #i was listening to Anastasia when I thought of this #Asd #Autism #masking #autistic girl #actuallyneurodivergent

[flappy-owl]

do you ever feel a new special interest coming on, and just mentally beg for it to slow down because you aren't ready to be done with your previous ones and your brain can't hold more than a few at once, but your brains just like NOPE, BE PREPARED TO REDIRECT THE BALANCE YOU'VE CREATED BETWEEN YOUR CURRENT THREE SPECIAL INTERESTS, BECAUSE THIS ONE IS BARGING IN WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, and it's just.... hold your horses brain? why can't I just get to it when I get to it? I promise to go all in on it a couple weeks, but I'm not ready to be forced to set any of my other special interests aside yet?

#the possible new special interest is sherlock #Sherlock Holmes is autistic and I don’t care what Benedict Cumberbatch says #All of this isn’t to say I’m not super hyped about Sherlock and will be talking about it to anybody who will listen for the foreseeable fut #But friends and critical role and the MCU are taking up basically all of my mental real estate right now #And Great Comet too to a lesser extent #So I’m just not READY for a new special interest #I want to hold tight to my current ones for the time being! #actuallyautistic #asd #autism #actuallyneurodivergent #special interest

[flappy-owl]

I actually find that my autism makes online learning worse; Zoom gives me so much anxiety that it’s super difficult for me to participate because it feels like a new set of social rules to learn, and having no really distinctions between different classes, or between school and not-school, makes it difficult for me to focus and switch tasks? And online lectures don’t work for me focus-wise either, so I end up just teaching myself from the textbook, but always missing something that the teacher expanded upon

Seriously can’t be the only neurodivergent person in existence that thinks the structure of online school is better than brick and mortar schools 😑. 

#Actuallyautistic #asd #school #online school #actuallyneurodivergent #covid

[flappy-owl]

I have an interview in 15 minutes for a summer program I really want to get into, and if there's anything I'm worse at than in-person interviews, it's Zoom interviews, so basically I'm just a massive tangle of anxiety right now

#actuallyautistic #seriously how do you do interviews? #Especially zoom ones? #Asd #anxiety #Social anxiety #interview

[flappy-owl]

Pierre & Dust and Ashes from Great Comet have my go-tos recently!

i’m basically a nobody but hopefully if i tag this right… 

does anybody on the autism spectrum have song recommendations for when they are feeling overwhelmed? it can have words, or not! i need to make a playlist 

[flappy-owl]

i just watched the first 2 episodes of wandavision, and the MCU is officially back in special interest-realm!!!!!! They were so good, and I'm so excited for the rest!!!!!! I've been happy flapping for 20 minutes!!

#Wandavision #vision #wanda maximoff #mcu #actuallyautistic #asd #special interest

[flappy-owl]

ahgahahakdfhjdaf wandavision is literally all that’s kept me going these past few weeks, and it’s been taking all of my self control to wait until 7:30 so I can watch the first two episodes for the first time with my brother because I promised him I would

#actuallyautistic #i can feel the agent carter special interest expanding back into the mcu special interest #theres so much mcu content coming out this year #i dont even like wanda so imagine how excited ill be for loki what if and ms marvel #not to mention spiderman 3 #special interest #asd #wandavision #mcu #wanda maximoff #vision #scarlet witch

[flappy-owl]

Pride and Prejudice: super comforting, both book and movie form (I hate the bbc series), I identify strongly with both Lizzie and Darcy, and it makes me feel like I can still figure people out 

Friends; it makes me feel like I have friends; they’re all a little weird but they all accept each other (plus I’m convinced at least Ross, Monica, chandler, and phoebe are autistic); because of all that, it makes me feel like I can still find a close group of friends who won’t judge me; the setup of episodes and familiarity of all of it is really comforting in its routine

Vox Machina: again, the closeness of both the characters and the actors, and the supportiveness of all of it makes me feel like I have friends while listening to it, and makes me hopeful of finding a close friend group; plus I like the structure of dnd

To other autistic people, what's your current special interest(s) and what do you like about it/them?

#great comet and agent carter are still floating around as well #but they’re less strong right now and I m less sure wghy I love them #actuallyautistic #asd #special interest #vox machina #critical role #friends #pride and prejudice #jane austen

[flappy-owl]

Ahh, I’m so glad other people do that

do you mentally ‘trace’ in your head all shapes, shadows, and highlights you see or are you normal?

#Actuallyautistic #asd