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lavender--scented · 1 month
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There's nothing funnier than being told I'm annoying because I KNOW DAWG. I have to deal with this shit DAILY. I am AWARE.
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lavender--scented · 2 months
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We are all fragments of a whole, forced to exist separately. Forced to soften around our rough edges and try to become something of our own. Like glass broken and filed down. Each shard forced to exist as its own shiny thing.
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lavender--scented · 2 months
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"u look tired" dawg i'm going insane
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lavender--scented · 3 months
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You're not even worth a poem.
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lavender--scented · 3 months
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[single word response]
I need you to love me like you need me. And to worry like you care . You don't care. Why?
Why don't you care about me? I care like a dog. I care like the soil cares for the plant. I care like the bee cares for the queen. I care I care I care. You don't care.
I hate your indifference. Fuck you. I hate you. Fuck everything you actually care about. I hope you lose it.
I'll come back. I didn't mean it. I love you I love you I love you (I don't.). Let me be the carpet you walk on. The ground you stand on. The air you breathe.
Why can't you love me. Why can't you care about me?
I hate you. I don't wanna care about you. I wanna hurt you. I want to WANT to hurt you. I hate caring about you. I hate you for not loving me.
(Dont leave. Please stay. Stay so I can hope one day you'll realize I'm a person, and grow to care.)
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lavender--scented · 3 months
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I always end up alone. I always patch myself up alone. I always feel the cold alone and fight against the wind alone. And the rain soaks through my clothes and it's freezing cold and I can't stand it. It makes it hard to move, and maybe I shouldn't move at all. Maybe I should let the cold claim me, because what is there to claim? Ugly bones and rotting flesh and a heart that's useless, a mind that's numb.
There's nothing for the elements to take, nothing useful here, nothing to love and nothing to hold. Cold, dry bones that soon will be buried by the snow and dirt. Nobody to mourn the lost carcass that is left of me. Nobody should even want to do that.
Give up on me already so I can break now, now that the love isnt too deep, now that the ache will be less shocking. Now that I'm not used to your warmth yet, now that if I'm thrown out to the freezing cold I'll be able to cope, somewhat, somehow. Don't do this to me, don't love me, please please please don't love me.
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lavender--scented · 4 months
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My mind keeps going back to a time when I didn't feel guilt for prioritising my mental state, when I didn't panic about my weight, and didn't lose a friend every week.
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lavender--scented · 4 months
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lavender--scented · 5 months
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The Subtle Art Of "I'm not gonna kill myself, I just wish I had killed myself three years ago when I wasn't afraid of dying!".
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lavender--scented · 5 months
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Time flies. Time goes on and on, slips between your fingers like sand and flows away like water in the drain. Time leaves you quicker than it greets you, because time is always moving yet always still. And you're always lost in its flow, drowning in it's river, falling and spiraling and losing track, losing the seconds.
And time goes on.
And I'm falling, I'm losing sight and all I can think of is the things I said and did, the poems I wrote, the love I felt for you. And how wrong I was.
And time goes on.
And I'm once again reminded that truly, nothing lasts, and nothing is constant. Only the crushing feeling of cosmic loneliness that greets me whenever I think too much, or stay up too late, or look at the stars too long. How the only thing I can bet on is the bitter aftertaste of an ending.
And time goes on.
And I'll cry. And you'll ignore it. And I'll scream and you'll cover your ears. And once I'm sick of missing you I'll move on, and you will move on too and we'll be strangers. And you'll be one of my favourite strangers.
And time goes on.
But I don't want to.
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lavender--scented · 5 months
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i want to create something beautiful. i want to be a weaver of poems, loves, and heavenly bodies. ribs made of celestite
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lavender--scented · 6 months
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lavender--scented · 7 months
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bite back.
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lavender--scented · 8 months
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Sun And Moon
If my light goes out,
Will you search the stars for another Sun?
And when you leave
Please take The Moon.
Keep a part of me,
For you’re my world and you’ll always be.
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lavender--scented · 8 months
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I need to be locked in a room with no door or windows and to be allowed to scream and yell and cry and curse until my throat is hoarse and until my voice abandons me and im nothing but a puddle of sadness and exhaustion on the floor.
And I need you to scoop me up and put me in a jar until I'm ready to be solid and stable and human again.
And this is just words strung together but I don't care enough to make them pretty because this isn't pretty, this is pain and loneliness and crying silently to never bother anyone.
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lavender--scented · 8 months
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My heart is aching, and I choke on my meaningless words.
My throat is closing, and it hurts, and I can't speak without my words being all wobbly and shaky, and fuck even if i could, you wouldn't fucking listen.
So I tear my skin open to give you all I have, all I am, because all that's left is blood and guts and pain and misery and that's all I can give you. That's all I am.
And you eat it up every time, and I'm left with nothing because to you, I am nothing but the things I give you.
And I'm dying and you're not paying attention, and it fucking sucks because I give you everything!
Listen to me! Fucking listen! For once in your life please please please look at me!
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lavender--scented · 8 months
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I will hold your heart in my palms and hold it in the sun, so it warms. I will hold it close to my chest. I will kiss it.
Let me hold your heart in my hands.
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