pop-goes-your-culture

[pop-goes-your-culture]

I'm late watching the episode but how exactly did Killian row that boat? Plot hole or hook dexterity? Also, Aladdin's Thames-Valley accent = ridiculous.

#ouat spoilers #ouat #killian jones #hook #captain hook

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Simpsons Quotes for Everyday Life

In its 21 year run, the Simpsons has had quite a few memorable quotes, so much so that it would be impossible to list them all. However, there are a few gems that have stuck out and stood the test of time, so much so that if one was to use them in an everyday context, one might be understood. Anyone using the following in real non-yellow life automatically earns my respect. 

“Everything’s comin’ up Milhouse!”

Perfect for: When some small detail of your insignificant existence goes well. 

“Can I come too?“ 

Perfect for: Inviting yourself along to any social event from which you would otherwise be included. NB: Does not work well for funerals. 

"I want some taquitos/fire the torpedoes”

Perfect for: Conveying the point that you did not hear what was said correctly.

Alternatively…

“You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel”

Perfect for: Conveying that you did not hear, while simultaneously implanting the erotic thought of you in a towel in the other parties mind. 

“You don’t win friends with salad”

Perfect for: Mocking vegetarians relentlessly. 

“My eyes, the goggles do nothing!" 

Perfect for: Work related accidents at the lab, or unfortunate shower time shampoo mishaps. 

"I was saying Boo-urns”

Perfect for: Getting on the good side of the underdog. 

“My cat’s breath smells like cat food”

Perfect for: Getting out of work obligations by convincing colleagues you are not intellectually capable of the task.

“We’re here, we’re queer, we don’t want anymore bears!”

Perfect for: Any gathering of political protest. 

“I see you’ve played knifey-spooney before”

Perfect for: Relating with fellow shrewd individuals on a man-to-man level.

“Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all!" 

Perfect for: Enticing a potential mate and showcasing tight fitting outfits.

"AHSGAHASDADASSASJSSJAJAJAKAKSGDGSDA!”

Perfect for: Keeping others at bay. For best results, accompany with thrown cat. 

“I used to be ‘with it’, but then they changed what ‘it’ was, and now what I’m with isn’t it, and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary to me. It’ll happen to youuuu!" 

Perfect for: Scaring younger siblings or cousins at family get togethers.

"I wash myself with a rag on a stick" 

Perfect for: Whenever anyone brings up your personal hygiene (or lack thereof).

"That’s a paddlin’”

Perfect for: Any situation where someone warrants a paddlin. 

#the simpsons #quotes

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Love for Killian

Fans of Once Upon a Time will know that on a weekly basis, the strangest, most unexpected things can happen. After all, in the past half-season alone they’ve seen memory curses, flying diners, classic 80′s pop music used in a medieval setting and the Wicked With of the West gestating and giving birth to Robin Hood’s sprog in a matter of weeks. Still, a surprise came out of left field in recent weeks which made the fandom lose its collective shit: Dark Hook. 

The cheeky swash-buckler turned saviour’s sweetheart has seemingly gone back to his roguish roots with an apparent relish. In last Sunday’s episode we saw an unashamedly villainous Hook wreak havoc across Storybrooke, destroying relationships and four seasons worth of character development in one fell swoop. Be it through desperate hope or knowing that these are the same people who wrote Lost, fans are more than a little convinced that some manner of ridiculous plot-device will come forward and explain his behaviour. Though much is unclear and unsure at the moment, we can but sit back and guiltily enjoy the carnage as actor Colin O’Donoghue takes his character on a gleefully evil ride. 

A ride involving opposite-side hair partings and significantly less chest hair.

This writer loves the bad boys and Hook’s return to form is not in the least bit troubling, but for those whose hearts yearn for their pirate to be back in the good books, sit tight and enjoy this listicle of just why we love Dark Hook Killian Jones.

#1. When He Swaggers

Just like Jack Sparrow before him, Killian Jones knows that pirating is as about 80% style, 15% swashbuckling and 5% scurvy. Love him or loath him, you can’t deny that no matter what he does, it’ll be done in signature Hook fashion, all while looking devilishly handsome. 

Is this suaveness a cover for crippling insecurity and self-doubt? Probably. Do we enjoy it? Indubitably. 

#2. When He Doesn’t Let His Hook Get Him Down

You know who are underrepresented across television? People with disabilities. Hook doesn’t let his lack of a hand hold him back. The loss of a body part is really just an opportunity for a badass, weaponized replacement. 

Or romantic coconut-sharing device.

#3. When He Commits to the Bit

Remember that time Hook hid in waiting under a pile of corpses just to make his disguise more convincing. 

Although, to be fair, he looks like he regrets it. 

Clearly the man doesn’t do things in halves. He spent 300 years seeking revenge. That is, until he meet Emma, and he didn’t exactly give up there either. 

#4. When He Doesn’t Get Pop Culture References

#5. When He Doesn’t Get Modern Technology

There’s something fantastic about a man who has spent much of his long life in magical realms being mystified by jelly/jello and phones, but nothing compares to the time he thought someone stuck a camera up Zelena’s lady-bits and pressed click. 

One can only imagine what’s going on in his head.

#6. When He Gets Floored. 

This one goes out to the Captain Floor fandom.

#7. When He’s Flawed

Nobody wants to watch Mr. Perfect prance around onscreen, and you can bet a character as complex and layered as Emma Swan isn’t going to end up with a floppy-haired Prince-Charming (and not just because of the Daddy issues that would imply). The reason why Killian is a much loved (and often, opinion-dividing) character is because he’s just that, a true character.  Onions have layers, pirates have layers. 

Sexy layers.

# When He’d go to the Ends of the Earth for her (or time)

She’s not the only one with something in her eye. 

Bring on Sunday night! 

(Gifs aren’t mine, I’m too busy crying. )

#ouat #ouat spoilers #hook #killian jones #cs #Captain Swan #hookers #dark hook

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*Is Twitter famous - Tells you incessantly about their life.

*Is Instagram famous -Poses at every opportunity.

*Is Tumblr famous - Slinks away from social situations beneath a duvet of cats.

#tumblr #true

[pop-goes-your-culture]

Granny at Lourdes

My Granny, God love her, she’s a true product of her generation. Fiercely religious, but at the same time unashamedly racist. She used to call us in for questioning on Sunday afternoons just to make sure we’d been to mass that morning. She seemed to think it was her duty and obligation to be as holy as was humanly possible. 

Naturally, she booked herself a trip to the holy haven that is Lourdes. She’d always been threatening it, but when never thought she would actually do it on account of her vicious hatred of Frenchmen (again, racist). Now, the woman is eighty if she’s a day, smokes twenty a day and has severe cellulitis in both legs. There’s no way we were letting her traipse across Lourdes giving grief to the French on her own, so my Mam and I were drafted in to accompany her. 

So the three of us headed off, got there, spent the best part of the day wandering around seeing various churches and fountains. We even managed to fit in a high-quality mass (I feel Lourdes masses are in the higher echelons of the mass scale). Around lunchtime, Granny started to get a bit grouchy. Her legs were at her and, to be fair to the woman, she’d been on the go all day. They had these wheelchairs, on account of Lourdes being a popular place for visitors from hospitals and they were happy enough to loan us out one for the remainder of the day. 

So we popped Granny in a wheelchair and she was delighted with herself being wheeled around feeling very holy as she smoked her tenth silk-cut purple of the day. We went into this cathedral - God it was gorgeous. Lovely high ornate ceilings, beautiful art. The mood was so sombre and holy, there was incense in the air. Even I started to feel a little bit religious. 

The mood was swiftly broken however by a group of American tourists being shuttled around by a tour guide. They asked loud, stupid questions and took way too many photos and it seemed like they were following us around as we took in the art on the walls. 

When I wheeled Granny to the left-hand side of the altar, there was this stunning, huge painting of Jesus on the cross. I was bringing Granny’s attention to the fantastic sfumato technique on Jesus’s upper lip. She couldn’t see too well so she hopped up out of her wheelchair to take a closer look. 

Suddenly, screams from all around. The American tourists are ecstatic: An old woman has risen from her wheelchair before an image of the Lord himself. One points, his howls wobbling as he declares, 

“Miracle!”

They’re on her like a swarm of bees; cheering, taking pictures, trying to grab a piece of my blessed Granny. In all the confusion Granny takes a fall. Her ankle is fucked. We shake off her fan-club and bring her to the ER. It’s a broken bone. 

To this day she has added Americans just under the French on her ever-growing list of hated nationalities.

#lourdes #Irish #Granny #awkward #lol #jesus #religion #story

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I can believe that fairytale characters have been cursed to our world. 

I can believe that magic beans and flying ships traverse realms.

I can believe that two people can split a heart. 

I can believe in bad CGI, magical swords and rapid pregnancy speed-ups...

But I CANNOT believe that Arthur tied a one-handed man to a tree by his wrists without realising his stupidity. 

Hands up if you regret your decisions. 

#ouat #ouat spoilers #killian jones #hook #ouat 5x08

[pop-goes-your-culture]

4 Things

1. You know when your mom goes missing under perilously dark circumstances but it’s all good ‘cos you’ve got a backup mom so you’re just like “I’m just gonna hang out and catch up on my reading.”

2. That soda is far too large for a boy your age, nay, any human. ‘Murica, your soft drink portion sizes have gone too far.

3. Hookpalm. Thank goodness he didn’t use his other hand. That might not have ended well.

4. Breaking out Zelena is a terrible plan. You know when you’re drunk and trying to convince your friend that another round of shots is a good idea? Yeah, that’s this face. This will not end well.

“Drunkenness is just borrowing happiness from tomorrow”.

Bring on Sunday!

#ouat spoilers #ouat sneak peek #captain hook #captain cobra #ouat

[pop-goes-your-culture]

Five Men Launch Women’s Mini Marathon

The Limerick Women’s Mini Marathon was launched today. Unfortunately there were no women available to promote this women’s event. Note the hilariously misguided high-heeled running shoe logo.

“Lads, what do women like?”

“High heels, pink and flowers.”

“Sorted. Put the kettle on.”

Oh Ireland, never change (except do). 

#Ireland #lol #women #everyday sexism

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Daily Fail

Thanks Daily Mail, I take my news with a detailed rundown of what the women involved are wearing, which the “article” supplies in abundance. When they start doing this to the guys, then we can talk about equality.

She does look fab though...

#media #amal clooney #women in media #sexism #daily mail #ffs

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Suicide Squad Trailer

This blogger was lucky/unfortunate enough to be holidaying when the trailer for David Ayer’s 2016 DC villain-centered Suicide Squad was shown at Comic-con and subsequently released in HQ. Despite glaring at tiny screen poolside with achingly slow wifi, what I saw of the trailer was enough bikini-pants shitting awesomeness to make me really excited. I love a good trailer, and there’s plenty of time to August 2016 so let’s take a closer look at it…

Keep reading

#shameless reblog #suicide squad #suicide squad trailer

[pop-goes-your-culture]

Suicide Squad Trailer

This blogger was lucky/unfortunate enough to be holidaying when the trailer for David Ayer’s 2016 DC villain-centered Suicide Squad was shown at Comic-con and subsequently released in HQ. Despite glaring at tiny screen poolside with achingly slow wifi, what I saw of the trailer was enough bikini-pants shitting awesomeness to make me really excited. I love a good trailer, and there’s plenty of time to August 2016 so let’s take a closer look at it...

“It was a dark and stormy night...”

We begin with a voyeuristic look inside a gilded restaurant whee three figures sit around a table. One of them is secret government agency A.R.G.U.S.’s Amanda Waller, played by Viola Davis.

And she cuts steak with ruthless abandon.

Waller is responsible for assembling the “worse of the worst”, the so-called  “Suicide Squad”: A band of villains who will do her bidding in order to gain reduced time or perks on their sentences. Waller seems cold and dispassionate as she tells her companions she “put them in a hole and threw away the hole”.

Where might this hole be? Presumably Belle Reve Penitentiary, which is perhaps what we get a glimpse of here:

“Firm but Fair”. Why do we get the sense that they’re only one of those things?

At 35 seconds in we get our first Batman V. Superman reference as Waller talks about some of their superpowers. I must admit, it took several viewings for me to figure out that this was Cara Delevigne and not an incredibly attractive pre-teen boy. The actress (with the most compelling eyebrows I’ve ever seen) plays Enchantress, a member of the Squad with superpowers. No doubt the above clip is from her backstory. 

After a lengthy bout of steak-eating exposition, Waller is asked; “What makes you think you can control them?”,  and the thought strikes us - She won’t be able to control them, and shit’s going to get messy. 

As the trailer really begins to kick off, ask yourself this question - If you were asked to pick a song for this trailer, how likely would you have been to select a BeeGees song? Seriously, it’s a BeeGee’s cover, and it works. If you’re young enough not to have heard it, listen to the original here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dq6YmSVAOG8 

We’re then treated to our first glimpse at many of the major characters:

Harley Quinn: The Joker’s therapist-turned devoted follower, played by Margot Robbie. It’s nice to see that they’re still letting Harley practice her gymnastics in prison. It’s probably for the best that she’s not still practicing psychology though.

El Diablo , played by Jay Hernandez. Surprisingly not the person with the worst facial tattoos in this movie.

Will Smith plays Deadshot. We see him here with a punching bag, which is Hollywood code-speak for angst and unresolved issues.

Killer Croc is wheeled eerily from the shadows in true Anthony Hopkins style.

Harley appears to get a visit from Waller. Will she be the one to round up the other Squad members? Or is she being sought after for access to the Joker?

We see some shots of Will Smith with a little girl. It suggests a backstory but also hints towards Deadshot being the more sympathetic or most “heroic” villain of the bunch.

I won’t even attempt to guess what’s going on here, but I will see this film for this woman’s eyebrows alone.

Someone (Harley?) is thrown on a gurney as bullets fly. Is this the Joker’s escape from Arkham?

Here we are treated to a slow motion shot of the Squad walking.

And another. We begin to understand that this movie will involve much well-choreographed walking.

The film’s title is worked into dialogue and everyone feels satisfied, if a little cringey. 

Then Will Smith says “Let’s go save the world” and we collectively died a little inside. If it emerges on release that it was said in a sarcastic way, all will be forgiven Will.

Will’s character hugs a child and good-guy status (as good as anyone can get in this movie) is cemented.

Dr. Quinzel shows professionalism in the workplace, as ever.

Harley does her best “Jessica Alba in Sin City” impression. 

I think we’ll warm to Killer Croc, he seems like a nice guy. 

“Chk-Chk-POW” - It’s early days, but Margot Robbie seems to be capturin some of the kooky, demented charm of her much-loved character.

Panda Goon: Best IMDB credit ever.

Harley shows poor hygiene judgement. Like many, I’m still not entirely onboard with the facial tattoos, but interested to discover the story behind them.

We see Enchantress in her full-on garb. Strong brow game as ever.

Our only close look at Karen Fukuhara as Katana. 

The Joker strokes Harley’s hair as she lies strapped to a gurney. It seems that we’ll get to see much of Harley’s backstory, a good choice by the filmmakers in my opinion. It’s interesting, and looks at what will probably be explored in the film as a whole: The notion of being both a villain and a victim.

The much-spoiled bat cameo.

Captain Boomerang: He’s played knifey-spooney before.

Jared Leto prepares to take on the “He’ll never be better than Ledger” chorus.

And we are treated to one final group walking shot. 

Oh, and the image that will haunt our dreams for many moons to come. 

What did you think of the trailer? Did I miss anything? Did I get anything woefully wrong? Let me know. In the meantime, please enjoy this photograph of me waiting for August 2016:

#suicide squad #ss #dc #joker #harley quinn #joker and harley #deadshot #suicide squad trailer #jared leto #will smith #margot robbie #batman #jai courtney #cara delevingne

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Too Much Love?

It’s rare that I see something and think “I can top that”, but that ‘s exactly what happened when I saw the brilliant work of German Photographer Katja Kemnitz and her series entitled Too Much Love which compares much-loved toys with their former states.  

The fascinating and well-shot concept reminded me of a stuffed rabbit I had cherished throughout childhood, and still do. He is called Bunny (inspired name, I know) and he’s been with my my entire life. 

This is more or less what he looked like when my lovely Aunt Josephine gave him to me as an infant in hospital in 1991:

The one pictured above is a spare that she fished out of the attic and gave to me on a recent birthday. Here’s what the real bunny looks like twenty-four years later:

It’s grim, I know, but I shit you not, that is exactly the same make of stuffed toy in both pictures, made in exactly the same year. Poor Bunny, the years of love have not been kind to him. Sometimes I feel guilty when I look at him and imagine that every second he lives is agony. I know he looks disease-ridden, but I swear he’s clean (we have to put him inside a sock to wash him lest he come apart). My aunt knit him a sort of makeshift overcoat a couple of year back but alas, he seems destined for disintegration. Bunny doesn’t get out much these days, he’s confined to my bedroom incase he loses his stuffing. Still, it’s nice to have both stuffed toys to cherish and also to serve as a reminder that you can love something (or someone!) too much. 

#bunny #photography #childhood #katija keminitz #nostalgia #teddy bear #love

[pop-goes-your-culture]

Ireland & Gay Marriage

Tomorrow the people of Ireland will vote on whether same-sex marriage should be allowed. For the past few months, my gay friends and family have had to campaign and ask their fellow countryfolk for the right all straight people have: the right to marry the person they love. They have also had to walk past “no side” posters everyday. Posters which bear lies and slander and show the cruel and ignorant attitudes that sadly, we have not yet fully overcome as a society. 

Tomorrow, on Friday 22nd of May 2015, I will vote in favour of extending the law to allow gays and lesbians to formally declare their love and enjoy the rights the union of marriage allows. Why am I doing this? Well, how much time do you have?

For my gay friends and family

I am very fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life. Some of those people happen to be gay. I want to show that I wish these amazing people love and happiness. If they ever decide to marry, I want to be able to raise a glass at their wedding. I’ve heard no voters protest how many gay people they know, very much along the lines of “I’m not racist, I have tons of black friends”. I fail to understand how you could claim to be a good friend to someone whilst voting in a manner that keeps them treated as a second-class citizen. 

To be on the right side of history

Admittedly, this one is a little selfish. Even if I didn’t consider myself a compassionate, somewhat well-educated person with gay friends and family, I would still be more inclined to vote yes. Why? Well, who wants to end up looking like these idiots?

To show the Catholic Church who’s boss

Regardless of whether you practice the religion or not, nobody can deny that the actions of the Catholic Church have scarred this island nation for years. The No Campaign relies heavily on the input of religion in order to sway voters. It is fact that if the marriage referendum is passed, no church will be obligated to marry gays, yet still the church campaigns vehemently, with priests preaching no to congregations from their pulpits and whispering their agenda in confession boxes.

How can we follow the guidance of an institution which has done more to harm the Irish people in the past century? We are still reeling from the scars of clerical child abuse which was actively covered up by the church. We are still hurting from the harm of the Magdalene Laundries, where young women were forced to work against their will, suffering horrendous abuse, their “bastard” babies torn from them. For goodness sake, they even protested the selling of tampons in Ireland not too long ago. 

The Catholic Church has stood in the way of the rights of anyone different from its doctrine for hundreds of years. It is time for Irish people to show that they are not going to blindly follow a church which preaches love and acceptance and practices the direct opposite. This vote is not about religion, not about faith. You can still be a good Catholic and vote Yes tomorrow. In fact, you might be the definition of it. 

For the children

“Won’t somebody please think of the children?!?” 

The Helen Lovejoy cry is Simpson’s satire at its best, but it has become all too familiar for Irish people when having to face posters that would be funny if they weren’t so ludicrous and hurtful;

“Two men can’t replace a mother’s love”

“Children deserve a mother and a father”

as well as posters which bring surrogacy, adoption and other child-related yet non referendum-related issues into the equation. Though gay and lesbian parents are indeed at face-value quite fit parents, there is not need to discuss this. Gay families exist. Gay parents exist. Gay and lesbian couples can already adopt. This referendum will change nothing for children of gay parents, apart from offering them the additional protection they will enjoy with both their parents being legally married. The no side is attempting to cloud the water and appeal to people’s basic human sentiment with shameless photos of children adorning their posters. As a nation, we need to show them that we will not be swayed by such cheap tactics. Besides, the Yes side are giving out free shiny badges. Don’t you want a free shiny badge?

No really, for the children

This vote is for those who do not have the power to change the country and make history as we do tomorrow. Thinking of gay teenagers, coming to terms with their sexuality, I shudder to think the message we might be sending to them if we vote no tomorrow. With the rate of suicides amongst young LGBT people, it is terrifying to think that we might force them to grow up in a country where society has shown that it refuses to consider them equal. 

It is a sobering and worrying thought to think that tomorrow’s referendum might leave lives hanging in the balance. 

Because it’s none of my business

Usually when something is none of your business the best thing to do is to stay out of it. Unfortunately, there is a section of Irish society so concerned with what other people do and how they live their lives that I can’t sit idly by and watch my friends and family be trodden upon. 

Think how ridiculous it is that someone should have to ask their fellow citizens for the right to get married based simply on what set of genitalia lies between their legs. I am ashamed that we even have to have this referendum, but I will be even more ashamed if the Yes vote does not pass tomorrow. 

Gays and lesbians getting married will affect me or my potential future marriages in absolutely no way. I cannot fathom how someone would want to actively stand in the way of other people’s happiness. Therefore, I ask that if you can’t vote yes tomorrow, at least abstain. 

I have all my life been proud to be Irish, and if tomorrow’s referendum passes, I will be able to hold my head up with pride once more. Tonight I think of all my gay friends and family. The road to this referendum has not been easy, particularly for them. You have my love and my support. #VoteYes

#Ireland #marref #yesequality #gaymarriage #voteyes #lgbt #gay rights #equality

[pop-goes-your-culture]

The Pink Tax Exists

Everyone, the Pink Tax is a real thing, so remember to shop around, ie. shop in the men’s aisle. 

The other day I picked up some disposable razors, nothing fancy just a pack of 4 razors with a simple moisture strip. They cost €4.35. I was about to buy them when I happened across the same razor - and I cannot stress this enough - very much the same razor, in a pack of 5 (one more than the ladies pack), same size, same moisture strip. How much? €2.65. 

So if my calculations are correct (and they rarely are but you can check them yourself), consumers are being asked to pay an extra 0.55c per razor simply for a female brand, a whole €2.20 extra per pack of 4 for the same bloody razor!

Shop around and de-fuzzing for summer can become as cheap as it is year round for the lads. ;)

#pink tax #beauty #shaving #women #feminism #beauty tips

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Why I’m Voting No in the Gay Marriage Referendum - A Guest Post

This blog is truly honoured to play host to its first guest blog post. This week we entertain the thoughts of Brenda Fitzgibbon, a South Dublin mother of three who is here to voice her thoughts on the upcoming marriage referendum in Ireland (for those not in the know, on May 22nd 2015 Irish citizens will be voting to decide whether gays and lesbians will be allowed to be joined in the legal union of marriage). In the interest of political fairness and integrity, we ask that you keep an open mind and respect Brenda’s democratic right to her opinion. Take it away Brenda.

Hello everyone, my name is Brenda Parsons and I’m delighted to have been invited to share my views with you on the subject of the upcoming Gay Marriage Referendum in Ireland. There has been much heated debate on both sides, but I’m here to give all you “Yes” voters my personal perspective so that you might better understand why I am right and you are wrong. 

1. We already have civil partnerships. 

That’s the trouble with people today: Always, looking for something better, something newer, something fairer. We can’t just be happy with what we have, there has to be a new version of the iphone, a new celebrity flashing her fanny or a new way of dragging Ireland into the twenty-first century. We need to learn to make do with what we already have. 

When I was a young girl and my dress had a tear, I begged my Mammy again and again for a new one, but she wouldn’t budge. She told me that we ought to be satisfied with what the good lord gave us, and so I learned to darn my own clothing. From the age of eight to twelve, narry a stitch of new clothing was bought for me. Granted, this did cause some complications when I began having to wear plastic bags over my knickers to protect my modesty from my too-short skirts, but a valuable lesson was learned. 

The gays are not satisfied with their civil partnerships and so they’re whining about it, well tough luck I say. Never mind that civil partnerships doesn’t cover partners in areas of tax, hospital visitation rights and other unimportant things, sure my corduroy skirt barely covered my arse cheeks for most of the seventies! I often use this analogy with gay rights activists, and the look of perplexity I am met with just goes to show how they have been stumped by my logic. 

2. Children need a mother and a father.

This really is the heart of the issue, because as we all know, the marriage referendum isn’t asking us about marriage, it’s asking us about gay adoption rights. Without the input of my two parent’s, I wouldn’t have turned into the well adjusted woman I am today. Daddy administered the alcohol fueled beatings when I stepped out of line, while Mammy was always there to keep me grounded with a good dose of Catholic guilt and shame.

Gay couples, single parent families, guardians, surrogates and adoptive parents simply cannot give a child what it requires to turn out as well as I did. That’s why we need to keep all the children in need of a home that could otherwise be provided by gay parents and let them be safely passed from institution to institution, giving them the best possible, non-gay chance in life. 

So when you’re in the polling booth on May 22nd, remember that the referendum is secretly about children, and if all else fails, look to the wisdom of Helen Lovejoy and say “Won’t somebody think of the children!?”

3. Gays will be harder to spot. 

When I see a gay in public, I cross the road. As we all know, gays are easy to spot based on physical appearance. If I’m walking through town and up ahead I see a a strident homosexual advancing towards me with a mesh vest, assless chaps and his gay lover on some sort of leather leash, I know instantly to get out of the way lest I be covered in glitter. 

Terrible state of afffairs when you nip into Tesco to do the shopping and you’re confronted with this. 

As much as it bothers me to see another human comfortable and happy in their own skin, I am grateful for the standard gay costume that they all adopt (I lobbied the government in 2002 to have them all forcibly tattoed, but to no avail). They need to dress their way and we need to dress ours.  My youngest, Brian, once came home from a concert with a WHAM! t-shirt and my heart was in my mouth. Brendan, the husband, swiftly beat it out of course, and we were sure to cleanse the house but it just goes to show the insipid way the gayness has of creeping into a good, righteous household. 

Give the gays marriage and they might get notions about themselves, they might start thinking they’re normal people with rights. They might start dressing like us and acting like us. Heaven forbid, but there could be gays in our neighbourhoods, in our hospitals, our schools, our places of work and we might never even know it! No, it’s safer for everyone involved if we just keep it separate. Separate but equal. Well, sort of equal. 

4. Jesus said so.

It’s in the bible somewhere, I think. Either way, the church should have the final say on what everyone does in this country, regardless of their religion, because they’ve had such a good track record so far. 

5. Gay weddings. 

When I got married in the summer of 1980 to my darling husband Bernard it was the most magical day of my life. Still, there’s a reason why I don’t look at my wedding photos. Back then, we didn’t have the internet. You couldn’t just order a Chinese knock off of a Vera Wang original and have it delivered to your door in a matter of days. My friend Patsy made my wedding dress for a knock down price, and fair play to her. Only, God gifted Patsy with a wonky right eye and, let’s just say the puffed sleeve on one side of my gown was somewhat overly inflated, even by 80′s standards. 

Myself and Patsy on the big day.

It wasn’t just the gown though, there was the music. Jesus Christ the music. I was a bit of a pushover back then and I let Bernard pick the band so we ended up with a few of his old schoolfriend’s ABBA covergroup , only there’d recently been a falling out in the band so the one fella had to play both Benny and Bjorn. Our first dance was to a very breathy version of Super Trouper, Jesus I’ll never forget it. 

Anyway, the point I’m making her is that my wedding was so shite, I don’t want to see anyone having a better one. Now, I’ve never been to a homosexual wedding, but I have seen Sex & the City 2 and the gays getting married in that put on such a show of opulence and overindulgence they ought to be ashamed of themselves! Liza feckin’ Minelli? My cousin who’d had a walk on bit in Corrie was at mine and that was glamour enough for me. Long story short, if we let the gays get married, they’ll make such a fuss of it it’ll put the lot of us to shame. I don’t get a second go at my wedding and the gays shouldn’t have the opportunity to outdo me.  

None of that sort of thing now.

Reason no. 6

I’m afraid of things I don’t understand. 

So there you have it, six perfectly logical reasons to stand in the way of other people’s happiness this May 22nd. I know which way I’ll be voting. Do YOU?

*NB: The owner of this blog does not endorse anything said by this definitely non-ficitonal guest writer. 

#ireland #yesequality #gaymarriage #lgbtqa #lgtb rights #bigotry

[pop-goes-your-culture]

Long Live the King! Joffrey's Douchiest Moments

*** Fair warning, major spoilers for Game of Thrones season 4 episode 2 ahead.***

At this stage one can fairly say that attending a wedding in Westeros poses a high risk to ones life. Barely recovering from the Red Wedding, we were treated to another matrimonial murder in the form of King Joffrey’s poisoning. It was the moment everyone had been waiting for. Readers of the books anticipated it with glee, and those of us who had spent the past three seasons wishing for justice in the form of the evil brats painful death were finally sated. But why then do we feel slightly empty after the fact?

Empty, like we need more decapitated dove pie. 

Joffrey, while being perhaps one of televisions most hated villains, was the character we loved to hate. Jack Gleeson must be acknowledged for his impressive portrayal of season one’s overindulged prince, all the way up to the malicious tyrant he came to be. Though Westeros is filled with all sorts of unsavoury characters doing reprehensible things to survive and conquer, with each terrible act, we were drawn to Joffrey and enjoyed being aghast at every one of his actions. 

Though he was never loved, he will be sorely missed. Here, we remember the boy-king, who was born of incest and ruled with malice. Joffrey you dickhead, we salute you. 

The Butchers Boy

Way back in season one, King Robert Baratheon, with Lannisters in tow, visited Winterfell to ask Ned Stark to be hand of the king (what could go wrong?). Joffrey was treated to some Stark hospitality when, upon threatening Arya and her friend “The Butcher’s Boy”, he was attacked by Nymeria, Arya’s Direwolf. Arya flings Joff’s sword in the river and legs it with her wolf, prompting a great search and the weirdest family meeting ever. Upon Joffrey and Cersei’s insistence, Sansa’s direwolf Lady pays the ultimate price, which I think we can all agree was the greatest injustice of the whole thing. 

Oh, that and he had the Hound kill the Butcher’s Boy. That was sad too. 

Beheading Ned Stark

“Pshh, don’t worry, they can’t kill Ned Stark. I mean, it's Sean Bean, they can’t kill off such a beloved character played by such a famous actor in the first season.”  - Me, in simpler, blissfully ignorant times.

It did seem, for one optimistic moment, that Ned was going to escape with his life, living out his days as a member of the Knight’s Watch with Jon Snow. Indeed, Joffrey had promised Sansa that much. That is until, scoffing at the “soft hearts of women”, Joff made the shocking decision to behead Eddard Stark, and the rest, as they say is history. Bloody, bloody history. 

Confirming the theory: Everything character Sean Bean plays dies. 

Making Sansa See Her Father’s Head

Nobody likes a sore loser, but everyone hates a gloating winner, especially a winner who cheated. Not content with taking the head of her father, her Septa and most of her household staff and guard, Joffrey had to really rub salt in Sansa’s wounds. Taking her up to the battlements, he forces her to look at the head of her father, a great man reduced to nothing more than crow food. 

Joffrey, this is why we can’t have nice things.

The Fool

At the beginning of season 2, Joffrey is celebrating his name day while still betrothed to poor Sansa Stark. Joff’s idea of a party is anything that involves others suffering, so a tournament is in order. When Ser Dontos the Red shows up a little worse for wear, Joffrey’s reaction is to drown him in with a vat of wine. Showing the tact she’ll need to hone in order to survive in King’s Landing, Sansa convinces him to instead make the Knight his new Fool. Ser Dontos is grateful, though perhaps he still harbours a grudge towards the King, as he seems he had something to do with the King’s poisoning. 

Beating the Shit out of Sansa

Calling her to answer for her brother Robb’s “crimes” against the crown, Joffrey wields his crossbow (he’ll come to be fond of that) at the young woman who kneels before him, desperate to save her life. Showcasing just how uncontrollable he has become, he has Ser Merryn beat and derobe the Stark girl in front of his entire court. Everyone stands by and lets this happen. Sansa’s only salvation comes in the form of Tyrion, who, as ususal, is the only person brave (or stupid) enough to stand up to his nephew.

Sexual Threatening Via Crossbow

One might highlight concerns about the giving of prostitutes as a gift, but let’s be honest, the Lannister family has bigger issues. When the King returns to his chambers one evening, he finds his uncle Tyrion has gifted him with two of King’s Landing’s finest ladies of the night. As for any teenage boy, it seems Joffrey’s dreams have come true, but we soon realise he hasn’t been stashing copies of Penthouse under his mattress, the King’s fantasies are a little darker than most. The atmosphere grows gradually more menacing until it’s broaching ten on the “Holy Shit, Joffrey’s a Sadistic Little Fucker” meter. 

Also, he killed Ros. A charcter we’ve loved ever since she flashed us in season one. Keep ho-ing in heaven girl. 

The above was just a sample of some of many of the brat King’s fantastic moments. Over the past few seasons we have grown to love hating Joffrey, and as satisfying as it was to watch, his death leaves a void in our hearts. 

RIP Joffrey Baratheon, First of his name, yellow of hair, dickish of nature. 2011-2014.

[pop-goes-your-culture]

Simpsons Quotes for Everyday Life

In its 21 year run, the Simpsons has had quite a few memorable quotes, so much so that it would be impossible to list them all. However, there are a few gems that have stuck out and stood the test of time, so much so that if one was to use them in an everyday context, one might be understood. Anyone using the following in real non-yellow life automatically earns my respect. 

“Everything’s comin’ up Milhouse!”

Perfect for: When some small detail of your insignificant existence goes well. 

“Can I come too?" 

Perfect for: Inviting yourself along to any social event from which you would otherwise be included. NB: Does not work well for funerals. 

"I want some taquitos/fire the torpedoes”

Perfect for: Conveying the point that you did not hear what was said correctly.

Alternatively…

“You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel”

Perfect for: Conveying that you did not hear, while simultaneously implanting the erotic thought of you in a towel in the other parties mind. 

“You don’t win friends with salad”

Perfect for: Mocking vegetarians relentlessly. 

“My eyes, the goggles do nothing!" 

Perfect for: Work related accidents at the lab, or unfortunate shower time shampoo mishaps. 

"I was saying Boo-urns”

Perfect for: Getting on the good side of the underdog. 

“My cat’s breath smells like cat food”

Perfect for: Getting out of work obligations by convincing colleagues you are not intellectually capable of the task.

“We’re here, we’re queer, we don’t want anymore bears!”

Perfect for: Any gathering of political protest. 

“I see you’ve played knifey-spooney before”

Perfect for: Relating with fellow shrewd individuals on a man-to-man level.

“Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all!" 

Perfect for: Enticing a potential mate and showcasing tight fitting outfits.

"AHSGAHASDADASSASJSSJAJAJAKAKSGDGSDA!”

Perfect for: Keeping others at bay. For best results, accompany with thrown cat. 

“I used to be ‘with it’, but then they changed what ‘it’ was, and now what I’m with isn’t it, and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary to me. It’ll happen to youuuu!" 

Perfect for: Scaring younger siblings or cousins at family get togethers.

"I wash myself with a rag on a stick" 

Perfect for: Whenever anyone brings up your personal hygiene (or lack thereof).

"That’s a paddlin’”

Perfect for: Any situation where someone warrants a paddlin.