#[edit: i added 2 more but decided to keep my essay of tags as is]
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fucked up little soundtracks that make me clinically insane
#[edit: i added 2 more but decided to keep my essay of tags as is]#theres 3 others that i want to add but like theyre all so tonally different#these two are so fucking similar tho in how insane they make me feel#(the other 3 were hannibal ofc. handsome devil bcuz it truly is the best like song soundtrack on the same level as ofmd sountrack to me!#and dead poets society but that ones more calm/somber soundtrack)#but yes PLEASE FUCKING LISTEN TO THESE THEY MAKE ME WANNA SCREAMMMMM#(as you can see ive already rewatched the dghda one ebough times that it's at permanent red line)#dghda#dirk gently#dirk gently's holistic detective agency#swiss army man#paul dano#daniel radcliffe#samuel barnett#elijah wood#saw#hannibal
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kuroko go to the polls
hi everyone!! just for fun, i have compiled the different polls in which kuroko no basket or knb characters have been featured in! I’ve roped my friends and followers into submitting knb charas into many different types of polls, so those are the ones i’m especially aware of. Polls where i personally didn’t submit characters will have an asterisks (*) next to them!
if there are any i missed, please let me know! I’ll be editing this post as i see more polls!
CURRENT POLLS AT TIME OF WRITING (last update 5/9/23)
the generation of miracles are in @color-coded-squad-bracket*
round one has completed and they won! let’s keep supporting them!
kuroko and kagami @redandbluegaycompetitionn*
the first round is still underway for 2 more days! there is no way that kagakuro will make it to round two but with your help, we can help them lose less!!!
momoi is in @girls-in-love-brackete-bracket! she has won three rounds so far! let’s keep supporting her! at the time of writing this, the fourth round is up!
midorima is in the @greenhairandpronouns-tournament! please help him get to round two!!
the generation of miracles will be in the @skittlesquadsquabble
COMPLETED POLLS
kuroko and kise were featured in the @blueandyellowbracket
midorima and takao were featured in the @orangegreenbracket
takao was featured in the @orangecharactersmackdown
midorima was featured in the @best-green-character
kagami and kise were featured in the @redandyellowbracket
aomine and kagami were featured in the gayest noncanon bitches poll* (may have misremembered the name as that blog has deactivated)
aomine and momoi were featured in both the @blackandpinkbracket bracket and the @pinkandbluebracket
kuroko, kagami, and kise were in the @primarycolorcharactersbrackets
kagami was featured in @redcharacterbracket of the minor bracket!
momoi and midorima were featured in the pink and green bracket hosted by @dxntloseurhead
kuroko no basket as a series was in the @multicolor-fandom-tournament
here’s the current counter of how many polls a character has been featured in!(not counting generation of miracles or knb as a show for their individual count)
kuroko - 3
kagami - 5
kise - 3
midorima - 4
takao - 2
momoi - 4
aomine - 3
under the readmore, ill list some extra comments about the polls such as how many rounds they got through and essays people (at the time of writing this, mostly my friends) have written about them! ill also link the different rounds as well :D
any commentary i added below was made with the best of my ability! It’s quite lengthy, so you know!
kuroko & kise in blue/yellow
lost the first round to the iconic undertale lesbians, but they earned 84 votes!
here’s my essay in the tags because it’s before i decided that i was no longer cringe, but free -- mostly about their relationship but especially the scene against haizakis team
midorima & takao in orange/green
they won the first round against some italian mobsters from jojo’s bizarre adventure! ultimately earning 88 votes-- winning with 61.8% of the votes!
here @hiemiola and i tag team (it will not be the last!!) and wrote some things we liked about their relationship in our first duo poll essay about their dynamics on and off the court!
in this match, midorima and takao had a comfortable lead (from what i know)! there was a time where votes were in the 50/40 range but ultimately midotaka had a spike in votes in the end!
they lost round 1.5, ultimately earning a total of 273 votes-- barely losing with 49.4% of the votes!
for most of the poll the two were losing by a large margin (around ~30% of votes if i recall correctly), but in the last few hours they made a turn around and took the lead for a bit, before ultimately barely losing a close match!!
please read another tag team poll essay for this round talking about how they’re a funny orange + green pair, how they’re inseparable, and all that fun stuff :)
they came back in the loser bracket but ultimately got destroyed in round one :( despite the odds being up against them, the two managed to earn 190 votes!
in this poll, they held onto a lead for a bit!! it definitely must have been one of midorima’s unlucky day this time around!!
as always here’s the usual tag team essay! we talk about the basics of who they are, their relationship, and yes that takao is orange!! (something that people questioned in previous polls)
but wait! in this poll, a new player @aomine-in-gensokyo comes! he wrote about how the strongest of bonds can come from the unlikeliest people in this essay here!
funnily enough, after this aomine approved essay, they had a 5% spike in votes
the tag team essay was also aomine-in-gensokyo approved
in total, midotaka earned 551 votes!!
takao in orange character smackdown
in this huge poll with 192 characters, takao kazunari was in bracket d!
round one was a real tough fight! for the longest time, takao was behind, especially around the 40% range, but he ultimately managed to turn it around! with 447 votes to his name, he managed to win at 50.7%!!
funnily, enough this poll ran at the same time as midorima in the best green character poll! scroll down if you’d like to know more :) -- anyways its definitely hard to separate these two partners!
also a little fun fact! op paired similar people together. funnily enough, takao and rena were a matter of “pair the spares” but ultimately op saw that both characters were associated with green characters with glasses! id also argue that both characters help major characters who’s name start with “m” (midorima for knb and marinette for miraculous ladybug) leave their comfort zone as well :]
here’s another tag team essay! enjoy learning about takao! seeing why he’s orange! seeing my little takao figurine and knice’s midotaka shrine!
he won the second round with 177 votes, earning himself 52% of the votes!
once again check out another tag team essay! we talk about takao’s characters through his character songs, his orangeness in merch and what it represents, and me making this image!
while takao fought bravely, he ultimately lost the third round but not before earning 212 votes! (which was 36.5% of the votes)
to no one’s surprise, we have another tag team essay.as both of us didn’t want to talk about our favorite takao moments and scenes (because we want everyone to watch kuroko no basket <3) we talked about just fun little scenes across knb + knb media!! and also more takao merchandise!!
in total, takao earned 836 votes!! thats a lot! at the time of writing this, takao ultimately has the third most votes out of all knb polls listed in this post!
midorima in best green character
he was destroyed in the first round to disgust from inside out, only getting 36.2% of the votes, but he still managed to earn a total of 272 votes!
this poll happened on the same day as takao’s first round poll in the orange character smackdown!! theyre partners!
another tag team essay!! talking about who midorima is and our favorite parts about his character :D also please look at his character song linked here as well!!
kagami & kise in red/yellow bracket
they lost in the first round, but earned a total of 163 votes, which was 46.7% of the votes!
their opponents ultimately won the entire bracket!!
while not as extensive, i wrote a little short spiel introducing kagami and kise to people :D highlights include them with kuroko :) and my infamous kagami taiga cardboard cutout
aomine & kagami in gayest noncanon bitches
this is one of the polls i happened to stumble upon! for most other polls i followed the polls after personally nominating knb characters myself (and also asking others to nominate them as well <3)
this blog has sadly deactivated. to my knowledge this was due to the final matchup which was between edgeworth/phoenix from ace attorney and jessie/delia from pokemon -- luckily i have reblogs of the polls :>
they won the first round, along with ankh and eiji from kamen rider ooo as the top two pairings in a round would progress! they earned 80 votes!
they got absolutely destroyed in the second round against batman/superman, but luckily managed to rise up to 22.1% of the votes! earned a total of 240 votes!
a short essay comparing aomine and kagami featuring my classic kagami cutout :)
in total, they earned 320 votes!
aomine & momoi - black/pink
in the first round of the black and pink poll, they lost 46.9 to 53.1 but earned a total of 38 votes
however! they came back in the loser bracket and made it to the finals of said bracket!
in round one, these childhood friends won with 62.4% of the votes, earning 73 votes!
here we get @aomine-in-gensokyo giving an introduction about these friends who have been together since childhood!
in round two, they won with 52.1% of the votes-- a much closer match! but they earned 37 votes!
in round three, they faced off against lovely kingdom heart boys, and ultimately won with 50 votes, which was 54.3% of the votes! as they only won by about 8 votes, it was another close one!
in the wise words of aomine-in-gensokyo, this was a heated match!
in round four, there was a tougher match! more people were voting! the two were losing for a bit, but over time managed to close the gap! ultimately, the two were victorious and gained 53.1% of the votes-- 121 votes! over double of last rounds!
in the here's an essay about their dynamic!
finally, we have the finals! their competition was fierce with two other pairs as their opponents! ultimately, the two were in last place in the beginning of the match, but managed to climb to second! they earned 64 votes which was 30.3% of the votes!
here's an essay about how theyre together! listen to their duet!
in all, they earned 383 votes!
aomine & momoi - blue/pink
the two of them made it to the quarterfinals of the blue and pink poll! there were great vibes all around with lots of support for aomine and momoi! people who weren’t familiar with kuroko no basket enjoyed learning about them as well and cheered them on in other rounds! they even defeated some pretty heavy hitters, and ultimately only lost by one vote in the end!
this poll marks the beginning of the a3! and knb alliance! you’ll see later that many a3! fans end up supporting knb a lot which i think is very sweet!! i personally also boost polls where the a3! fans are in as well in solidarity :> some of my other knb mutuals as well! I hope we can continue to support each other from here on out!
in round 1 aomine and momoi won with 51.9% of the votes, with 140 voters supporting them!
here is where @aomine-in-gensokyo makes his debut! read an introduction to aomine and momoi here!
in round 2, these besties found themselves up against my little pony’s iconic rainbow dash and pinky pie… despite the odds, they managed to take the win! by earning 208 votes, they won with 51.5% of the total votes!
here you can see my essay talking briefly about how they care about each other! as you can see, i was hoping for them to reach 30% at the time of writing. always stay optimistic everyone… you can always turn things around!!
and here we have another essay, talking about aomine’s conflict with being unable to find a challenge in basketball and the changes he experienced as a result!
i’d consider the above essay the beginning of the a3! and knb alliance!
in round 3, aomine and momoi faced off against vi and jinx from arcane! another tough challenge ahead… however, they pulled through!! with 118 votes, they secured 51.5% of the votes once again!
here’s another essay about how aomine and momoi show up together a lot in the series!
and here we are! the quarterfinals! these two managed to make it to the top 8! here, they faced off against muku and yuki from a3! overall, this was a very nice, wholesome poll i’d say! everyone was supportive of the other team… some of us wanted them to tie and progress together… in the end, aomine and momoi just barely lost with 441 votes (49.9%)! i think it’s funny that they lost just by one point, don’t you think? It’s just like canon!
throughout the 24 hour period, aomine and momoi continued to climb up until they were toe to toe with the other competitors. in the poll’s last minutes, the numbers of votes continued to climb until we finally had our end result!
take this aomine and momoi relationship summary for this round!
here’s a post-poll essay highlighting the importance of touou’s loss and it also has a silly edit of aomine fistbumping muku
this poll also had lots of cute fanart made with it! below, ill list drawings that include aomine and momoi that came about in this round and the following rounds! despite losing, people made wonderful fanart including our fun basketball pair :>
here is wonderful art with aomine and momoi meeting muku and yuki! muku is super excited to meet aomine here!
here is cute art showing aomine, momoi, muku, yuki, and blues and magenta about to play basketball!
and last but not least, here’s some lovely art with many of the blue/pink competitors!
in total, they earned 907 votes!
kuroko, kagami, & kise in the primary colors bracket
in round 1, they won with 60% of the votes after earning 81 votes!
In round 2, they barely defeated sailor moon, but they managed to earn 119 votes, winning with a percentage of 51.3%! here’s also an obligatory picture of my kagami cardboard cutout with a bonus kuroko and kise!!
in round 3, the trio were defeated by not one, but a trio of iconic magical girls! With 71 votes, they lost at 41.8%!
In total, kuroko, kagami, and kise earned 271 votes!
kuroko no basket as a series in multicolor fandom tournament
in every round they won, kuroko no basket was losing by a large margin, but they always managed to turn it around before the end
in round 1, their opponents were the ever famous mario… despite the odds they took 52.9% of the votes with 180 votes!
in round 2, our colorful show went up against heathers!with 258 votes, they won with 51.7% of the votes!
in round 3, knb ultimately lost to the extremely powerful avatar the last airbenders, only managing to secure 32.6% of the votes.
in the end, atla were the victors of the poll!!
in the end, the show managed to earn 581 votes!
kagami in the minor poll of the red character bracket
this poll was double elimination, so you’d have to lose twice before ultimately being defeated!
kagami ultimately did very well!! he was 4th place overall!! i’m very proud of him! in most of these rounds, you can see me giving little spiels about kagami and showing cute pictures of him, but nothing too expensive!
in round 1, he earned 87 (52.1%) votes!
in round 2, he earned 199 (50.5%) votes!
in round 3, he earned 287 (53.5%) votes!
in round 4, he earned 222 (50.8%) votes!
in round 5, he got absolutely destroyed by strawberry shortcake (who ultimately won the minor bracket!) he earned, 49 (23.3%) votes!
in the loser’s round 8, which was kagami’s first round in the loser’s bracket, he lived another day, earning 135 (50.9%) votes! to 130 (49.1%)
finally, kagami was eliminated in loser’s round 9 against the lovely ib!! she would then go on and earn second place in the minor bracket! kagami, himself, earned 82 (35.7%) votes!
in all, kagami has earned a total of 1061 votes! so far, he has earned the most votes out of any character and/or pair!!
momoi & midorima in the pink/green bracket
midorima and momoi despite not interacting too much did rather well on this poll!! they made it to the finals!
i spent time cropping kise and takao out of photos to get photos of just midorima and momoi <3
i’d like to say this is due to the fact that the pollrunner included midorima’s lucky item on his picture! in the other polls in which midorima never made it to round 2, he was without his lucky item! his unlucky nature carries outside of the show it looks like!!
this is why i firmly believe that if midorima ever makes it to another poll, he has to be with his lucky item or else he’ll lose so badly
a3! fans really came through in these rounds! we couldn’t have done it without their support!
in round 1, these two miraculously defeated sk8’s iconic skater dudes with 53.4% of the votes! with 70 votes, they only beat cherry and joe skate by 9 votes!
read about midorima commenting on momoi’s passion for basketball in this essay here!
in this mini esssay, i talk about how their names are very green and pink :>
in round 2, the pair defeats the first volcaloid pair they were matched up against. with 75 votes, they won at 56.6%
in this essay, you can read about some of momoi’s insight regarding midorima changing!
please look at how my friend cropped out takao to get this picture for me
through the greatest twist of fate, in round 3, momoi and midorima managed to take the win from volcaloids gumi and luka!! always remain optimistic guys! you never know who will be there to support you! with 153 votes, they won with 55.2%!
in this poll essay, a summary of midorima and momoi’s basketball superpowers!
in this poll essay, @takao-in-sekaiai, talks more about their friendship!! it’s a fun one to read :> it also has great takao flair to it :>
in my poll essay, i show some of momoi, midorima, (and takao’s) interaction in a drama cd!
in round 4, it’s the finals! ultimately, the two friends lost to the iconic magical children of cardcaptor sakura, but it was a great fight! In the end, it was a close fight, with the pair losing at 48.2% with 177 votes!
in this poll essay, we get a summary of momoi and midorima!
over here with this poll essay, you can check out some cute midorima and momoi merch! which is especially relevant given that momoi is barely in merch
and over here in this poll essay, you can see midorima and momoi talking one on one about studying and momoi’s notes! It’s from the knb replace manga!! it’s such a cute scene :> and the first time i didn’t need to crop out kise or takao!!
In total, they earned 475 votes!
that’s all i have for now! i hope you enjoyed reading it! I’ll definitely be updating this after polls conclude or if i learn about other polls! let me know about other polls if you happened to come across them :>
other notes
i nominated kuroko and kagami to the introvert and extrovert poll so we'll see if they made it in!
#I STARTED WRITING THIS ON APRIL 22ND.... AND ONLY LAST NIGHT DID I FINISH....#did not think it would take me this long!!!#anyways i wanted this moreso as an archive but i hope anyone else can enjoy the fun silliness of these polls :>#also!! i said it in the giant readmore... but if there are any other polls out there... let me know... ill boost them...#and if i have time ill write deranged essays too <3#choo choo losers#knb polls#anyways im a lil deranged but thats okay!! i hope u guys are enjoying the ride!!!#kuroko no basket#kuroko no basuke#kuroko tetsuya#kise ryota#kagami taiga#midorima shintarou#takao kazunari#aomine daiki#momoi satsuki#midotaka
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Do you have any cablepool fanfic recommendations bc I suffer daily trying to find good ones (especially comic based, but movie is fine too)
I think you might be a long distance telepath because I got an ask like this a while ago and didn’t answer it bc I needed time to think. and then I couldn’t find it in my inbox so I decided to just write a regular post, and while I was writing that post I got this ask!
ok these are in no particular order and I’m not using the actual plot summaries the authors used on ao3, just making stuff up or using quotes from the fic
one-shots
Landing on both broken hearted knees by rayguntomyhead (1.6k words, rated M)
Post Deadpool 2. Wade and Nate share a hotel room. I know what you’re thinking, it’s not that kind of fic. Nothing is going on with them yet.
Tropes by quakey (2.2k words, rated T)
Wade’s been reading TVtropes, and if Nate is fucking with him right now, Wade is gonna gut him like a fish and throw his bloody corpse in the sea for the sharks.
These days are great and so are you by bankrobbery (3k words, rated T)
Movie based. Wade gets kinkshamed by Weasel and hawaiian-shirt-shamed by Cable. They’re at the bar, basically
Motormouth by pavonine (13k words, rated T)
Wade can’t shut the fuck up, and this time it’s not even his fault! Wade’s been cursed to never be able to stop talking, which is really fucking inconvenient if you’ve got stuff you’re trying to not say.
also the norwegian prime minister is in it very briefly, and it was posted in 2013, when jens stoltenberg was the PM so I’m just gonna assume it’s him and bring your attention to this picture of him which I think is hilarious
Pressure points by denims (2k words, rated M)
Cable keeps casually touching him, which probably doesn’t mean anything (don’t listen to domino, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about), but it makes Wade feel weird. So, so weird.
Multi-chapter
Wade will f*** shit up for you by Quakey @withoutaconscienceorafilter (48k words, rated E, so minors stay away from this one, it’s the only thing on the list with actually NSFW scenes.)
The craigslist ad said “My name’s Wade and I fuck shit up professionally. So your ex getting married? I’ll crash that shit. Your job fire before their company picnick? I’ll show up with tequila and throw hands. Got some one one you hate an just wanna fuck their day up? I’m all over that shit. Serving all situations where we customize your service to your liking email me for pricing. Services guaranteed with video.” Maybe this is a horrible idea, and maybe he shouldn’t have, but Nate did answer it, so things are definitely about to get weird
I’m biased on this one because it was based on a post I made but it seriously is really good it’s super funny (almost choked to death trying not to laugh on the bus at one point) and in character and some of the scenes are so so so cute. Not sold yet? Hope is in it. AND Ellie. Hell yeah! This one is movie based, and I really like that it’s a regular non powered AU, but Nate’s arm+eye and Wade’s scars are still included. Like Nate has a prosthetic arm and Wade actually looks like Wade.
Fistful of shovels by surefall (28.6k words, rated T)
Now, you might be thinking, ms. Mutantapologist, this is tagged spideypool?? It is, but just trust me okay
Wade’s best friend, bromanciest of bros to ever bro, Nathan Summers is back in his life, and he’s really starting to get under Peter’s skin. They’re just too close, and Nathan is there all the damn time. List of things Wade’s weird time traveling BFF would look good in: 1. his own damn home. Nate and Peter get passive aggressive and competitive, Nate’s manipulative tendencies make an appearance, Peter is kind of a dick, and Wade’s honestly just happy to have his BFF back.
this is one of my favorite portrayals of their relationship dynamic tbh. just...their unbreakable bond...the way they keep coming back to each other through time and dimensions...that shit makes me cryyyy. and how well they know each other..the trust...the casual intimacy....how comfortable they’re with each other...also the dialogue in this is perfect, love their banter. This one is “screenshotting quotes and sending them to your friends” level funny. they also play mario kart and I think that’s nice.
Read Omake: Fistful of shovels for the Deleted Scenes Edition that has stuff that didn’t make it into the final fic or alternate versions of scenes. includes: Nate sending a shirtless selfie with ulterior motives, Nate being sort of a home wrecker (but at least he’s more honest about it!), aunt May, Nate being accused of being a bottom, etc.
Strangers by totallynotremus @totallynotremus (31k, rated T)
Nate plays games. Not weird manipulative mind games this time. Actual games. Online. With Wade and his friends. Wade feels targeted because come on, you behave mildly flirtatiously with the guy your friend group is gaming with online a lot acouple of times and suddenly your so called “friends” won’t stop harassing you about it. unbelievable. this one is also super funny
Motion Practice Universe: Cablepool Edition
I couldn’t put these in either category because they need to be in order and there’s one-shots AND a multi chapter fic so i’d have to separate them and that wouldn’t work. These are part of the (as of august 2020) 1,405,078 words long Motion Practice Universe, but you don’t need to read the rest of it to know what’s going on, I didn’t and it works 100% fine as a stand-alone storyline
Wade Wilson explains it all (or at least, how Clint’s keeping his job. Mostly keeping his job. It’s complicated.) by the_wordbutler (3.3k words, rated T)
Wade is trying to put together a fruit basket for Clint, because he’s a thoughtful friend (who does not get enough credit, hello?), unlike some other people. Example: his coworkers, who won’t let him focus on his super special important project (fruit basket!). And Nate, who’s eating an orange (from the fruit basket!😡) which has no business being that distracting.
it’s sort of an introduction to the next thing in the list, and I highly recommend reading it first. Definitely does a great job at showing what you’re gonna get from the full fic. Also, it’s cute and funny.
Admissions, Interrogatories, and other discoveries by the_wordbutler (150k words, rated M)
No, that wasn’t a typo, it really is 150k words. And I read it. Twice.
Basically, Wade is a criminal defense attorney, good job, you get to defend goat fuckers and other weirdos. Fun times. Nate’s a coworker, works in immigration and civil rights law, they do projects together. Just a bro he jokes around with, who sometimes brings Wade lunch, and whose arms Wade really likes to stare at, but that doesn’t mean anything, right?
this one is REAL slowburn (never in my LIFE have i experienced slow burn like this one holy FUCK), great relationship development and I just love their dynamic and banter in this one. Perfect dialogue and it’s really fucking funny, made me laugh out loud at several points! AND!! Hope is in it<3
What I learned on my summer vacation, an essay by Hope Summers by the_wordbutler (4.5k words, rated T)
Sequel to Admissions, interrogatories and other m discoveries. Wade, Nate, and ten year old Hope go to Disney World, and the beach. A lot of love and family<3 Wade took 3 sign language classes to talk to Hope (who’s deaf)
I’m sure I’m forgetting a lot of great ones but here’s what I could think of rn!!
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a 2021 book meme
@thiswaitingheart tagged me (or did your book blog tag me? I can’t remember.)
I am answering these questions while looking at my goodreads list and... oh well... I binged the Witcher series earlier this year and didn’t read much else since. So please keep that in mind.
1. Best book you have read in 2021 so far?
Probably Part two of the Witcher Saga by Sapkowski “Time of contempt”. My goodreads review was brief, 4 stars and a not saying that it was so thrilling that I need to keep reading. There are a few more books, which received 4 stars but little one-liner really makes it stand out.
2. Best sequel you have read in 2021 so far?
That would be the same answer as above for obvious reasons.
3. A new release you want to check out?
I am absolutely not up to date with new releases. I am not reading as much as I would like to, so I tend to buy used books whenever I see one that sparks my interest and my tbr pile is quite big. I also tend to pick up older works. However, i just saw that two new novels by Alexey Pehov were translated into German and I tend to enjoy his stories. So maybe I should check those out.
4. Most anticipated book release of the second half of the year?
Ah, wait! I am of course excited for the Nature of Middle-Earth! How could I forget about this gem.
5. Biggest surprise?
This has nothing to do with the books themselves but I had picked up The Tolkien Reader at a library sale in Canada and a @nonejohnnywithleftslime had gifted me the German edition of Tree and Leaf a long time ago. Both were sitting on my tbr pile. I decided to read them one after the other. I wasn’t aware that Tree and Leaf was included in The Tolkien Reader along with other material. So in the end I read Tree and Leaf twice, in English and in German because I quite licked it. And the original essay about fairy tales was in fact much easier to follow than the translation.
6. Biggest disappointment?
My followers will probably remember my big book rant in June when I was more mad at a book and its final chapters than I’be ever been before. Yes, I am talking about the last few chapters in The Lady of the lake by Sapkowsky. I disliked the whole book. But the finale really took the biscuit. Yes, I am still mad and pretend that book didn’t happen. i am by now glad that Sapkowsky doesn’t like the games, because I hope that they will redeem this universe for me.
7. Favourite new author (either new to you or debut)?
I am really enjoying The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller right now. Everyone said that it would be good. No surprise, it is really good. She has a nice style.
8. Favourite new fictional crush?
Cahir Mawr Dyffryn aep Ceallach but explicitly the book version, not the one from the Witcher Netflix series. Loved the character and the story arc. The way he was introduced into the story *chef’s kiss* But as the story goes on... we do not talk about that. The character is still great. just the story gets progressively worse. But as I said, let’s pretend that awful book never happened.
9. Newest favourite character?
Same as above, I’m afraid. Or maybe Geralt of Rivia, particularly the way he is portrait in the short stories. I didn’t expect to like him as much as I do now.
10. A book that made you happy?
Sapkowsky’s Season of Storms. After the catastrophy that was Lady of the Lake, this collections of short stories assured me that this author is in fact capable of writing interesting stories. At least sometimes. So, while it technically didn’t make me happy, it at least appeased me.
11. A book that made you cry?
Thus far, I didn’t cry while reading any book this year. Lady of the Lake almost made me cry angry tears tho.
12. Most beautiful book you have bought or received this year?
I think I only added two books to my collection this year. The name of the rose (still on my tbr pile) and The song of Achilles. They both look nice but extraordinarily beautiful.
13. What book do you need to read by the end of the year?
I want to finish both books mentioned in the question above. But I don’t think i will be able to make it. University just keeps me way too busy and I also started playing video games again. And because this post turned into a Lady of the lake hate post, I can also add that I am playing The Witcher 1 with the goal to suppress and replace the bitter aftertaste that this book left me with with something better.
14. What book do you need to re-read by the end of the year?
I want to re-read quite a few books but I don’t see any re-read happen this year. Also I will regain access to my bookshelf only in late December, so until then it’s just me and the two books that I have with me here in Finland.
If you read this far... wow. You made it through my Witcher love/hate post. Because i feel like this is what this has been mainly about.
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Fic Tag Meme
Thank you for the tag, @whaticameherefor 💕
Author Name: Violet_Jones
Fandoms You Write For: Ian x Mickey
Where You Post: AO3
Most Popular One-shot:
- Non-serial - The Caregiver
- Serial - I Only Stick With You
Most Popular Multi-Chap: Corey & Parker
Favorite Story You Wrote: Oceans of Time
Story You Were Nervous to Post: Deaf Group
How Do You Pick Your Titles: I love titling shit. I’ve always loved it. I’ve titled all my journal entries, essays, poems, lists, and assorted whatevers ever since I was very young. It usually just comes to me early on, but sometimes it’ll be based on an inspiration, whether musical or literary. I build from titles in some cases, actually. And that’s why all my chapters have titles too. No fucking boring numbering for me. Lmao
Do You Outline: Yes, very much so. Usually for longer form stuff, I write a full outline, even if it’s just skeletal at the very beginning, or while I’m writing the first chapter, or after I decide to build out from a one-shot. Then I expand it slowly over time as chapters get written or edits get made. Sometimes I add and remove things, but it’s usually pretty accurate. I feel like every chapter has to have a purpose. If it’s a short fic, I’ll usually just brainstorm a basic summary and whatever stream of consciousness bits of dialogue come to me, so I have somewhere to start.
How Many of Your Stories are Complete: Out of 27 works, I have 3 incomplete multi-chaps (2 of which just need the final chap, lol), 1 incomplete series (missing 3 parts, but could technically end anywhere), and 2 officially completed fics that I unofficially would like to add epilogues to, but probably never will.
In-Progress:
Out of the 3 WIPs I need to update, I’ve written about 7.5k for the final chap of An Ever-Fixed Mark, making it approximately halfway done. Don’t ask me why ending this one has taken me literal years. I apologize.
Oceans and Deaf Group are both just sitting open on Desktop 2, but have not been added to since the last chapters were posted.
Coming Soon:
I have no plans for any other major fics other than the ones I talked about needing to complete. Those will keep me busy until it’s time to finally leave the fandom behind, I think.
I am going to post 6 more of those prompt ficlets here on Tumblr over the next week or so. I may eventually post them to AO3 too, I’m not sure yet.
Do You Accept Prompts: Only when I request them for these meme type things, when I’m stuck in my ongoing writing or don’t have time for it, but want to get the juices flowing and knock out some fun short ideas. Or if I’m participating in a fandom exchange or something. NO SOLICITORS! 😆
Upcoming Story You’re the Most Excited For: I’m excited to complete the final chapters of those two I left hanging, as well as completing my original baby, Backdrifting, and definitely hyped to continue pulling off the historical vamp vibes of Oceans. So all of it will be satisfying, I hope.
Tag Five Fanfic Authors to Answer The Questions: @thehonorarybeaumont, @lan-jev, @anothergallavichlove, @grumblesandmumbles, @beckyharvey29
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Bad Decision
Chapter 4 - Our Little Secret.
A/N: Queen B fanfiction. I’m currently editing and adding all my FF to my new account. All being added to my pinned masterlist on my profile. Let me know if you would like to be tagged!
Find previous chapters HERE under Queen B - Our Little Secret.
Word count: 1757
WARNINGS: ⚠️ Some adult language & Angst
Disclaimer: Characters are property of Pixelberry.
Pairings: Ian x MC - Lyla.
Enjoy!
"Lillian, I can explain" Ian tells her "How can any explanation make the fact you are sleeping with a student make this right? Ian, this is wrong on so many levels! Do you not care about your career?" she asks him.
I close the door, Ian turns to me for help "Lillian, I understand this looks bad but I promise this isn't how it started. When we first met I had no idea he was my professor nor did he know I was his student" "So when you did find out why didn't you stop it Ian?" Lillian asks him.
"Lillian, I tried, but the more I denied myself the more I wanted. I love Lyla, I'm even moving to a different university, so I can be with her without any repercussions" " So, you tried? It doesn't look like you tried very hard Ian! What do you two fuck between classes? I bet Lyla is an A class student in your class she has to be considering she's fucking her professor. Ian, how can you be so reckless?" Ian face turns to annoyance.
Lillian, Stop! I will not have you talk about or to Lyla like that! Yes, I have been reckless, but that is from my own doing!" Lillian face soften "Ian, I'm sorry! I just don't want this to blow up in your face and end your career you worked so hard for" (Lillian is right, I can't let Ian risk his career for me. At least not while he's still working here).
"Ian, your sister is right, maybe we should cool it until you start your new job. I can't risk you losing everything for me. So, I think it is best that you find a new TA for the rest of your time here. I'll see you in class." I put the graded essays on the small coffee table.
I go to leave the room, but I feel an arm on my shoulder "Lyla, No! Don't do this!" I turn to face him, his eyes are sad "Ian, I don't want to, but we have to," I see Lillian giving me an agreeing nod to the side of Ian.
"We can still carry on in secret, no one will know" his eye pleading with me (I have to tell him about Poppy) "Someone found out!" I tell him, and he pulls away "You're lying! You're just saying that, so I agree to take a break." "Ian, I wish I was, but I'm not. Poppy found out about us she had photo's of us. She was going to use them to blackmail me, but I managed to delete every copy she had and burn the paper ones. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want you to be a part of my mess" he gives me those puppy dog eyes I can't resist.
"Lyla, You should have told me. We could've dealt with that together" I smile "As much as I love you being my knight in shining armour, this was my mess" "No Lyla, It was our mess. You should've told me." he cups my face.
"I know, but so we don't have this problem again, I think we cool it just until you no longer my professor!" he lets go of my face, turns away from me and takes a seat behind his desk.
"Ian, I know it must be hard, but it makes sense and it's only for a few weeks. I think what Lyla is doing is very noble" she smiles at me.
"If that's all Lyla you may go. I'll get a new TA sorted from tomorrow." he doesn't look at me. I leave his office deflated. (Get a grip 8 weeks aren't that long).
2 Weeks later, I have only seen Ian in class I avoid being the first one there so it isn't awkward or at least any more awkward than Ian has made it. Ian avoids my eyes in every lesson and ignores me around campus. He got a new TA 2 days after I told him to get a new one.
I'm not sure Tony seems up to the job as Ian stressed when ever he's around. Ian's class has ended and I'm getting my stuff together to leave when I hear "Ian! It's so good to see you again" I look up to see Lexi approaching Ian's desk at the front of the class.
I hear his husky tone as I make my way to the end of the aisle to leave the classroom "Lexi, you're early" I reach the door when I hear her reply, "Oh, I thought maybe we could have a few drinks before Richard and Annie arrive" (Argh I need a drink and also a bath tub to drown Lexi in).
I send a quick text to Zoe asking if she was free tonight, but she has a lot of studying to catch up on so would probably spend the night in the library.
(Looks like your on your own tonight Lyla).
After I head home to change I found myself outside The Base Lounge a new club that opened last week. I make my way inside and take a seat at the bar and order a passion fruit martini.
After I don't know how many martinis I pull out my phone. I want to text Ian but I shouldn't, but I go against my better judgement.
[Hi Ian, I hope yuo are having a dreadful time on your date with Lexi!]
[You* Whoops]
PING (5 Minutes later)
[Lyla, I am not on a date with Lexi. We are just having dinner with a few colleagues.]
I laugh nearly falling off the bar stool.
[I bet that's not how she sees it. Now you're free for the making.]
[making*]
[Wait that's still not right taking*]
PING (3 Minutes later)
[Lyla, No one is going to take me. You said it was for the best!]
[That was sober Lyla's idea. She's stupid!! I dom't like her!]
[Don't*]
PING (2 Minutes later)
[Lyla, Are you drunk?]
[Well duh! Come on progessor you have a degree. I thought that was obvious!]
PING (1 Minute later)
[Maybe you should get your friends to take you home to sober up!]
[Professor*]
[ Haha, I would but Zoey was busy]
PING (50 seconds later)
[You're by yourself??]
[You know for a professor you are pretty dumb. Of courses I'm by myself if Zoey isn't here. I'm going to walk home after I have been for a pee. Do you know this place has shared toilets! I know it's new but that's just weird right?]
[Course*]
PING (30 Seconds later)
[LYLA, DO NOT WALK HOME! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! JUST STAY THERE!!]
[No need to shout. Well text shout haha. No I'm fine. I can walk. I'll see you in class tomorrow]
I hear my phone continuously ping and ring, but I ignore it and I make my way out of the club. I start walking in the direction I think my dorm is in.
(I feel like I've been walking forever, everything is spinning, Oh no I'm going to...) I run over to the nearest bin and puke. Once I've stopped I clean myself open with a tissue I have in my bag. (Not my classiest moment) "Are you ok?" I look up to find some guy with long black hair staring at me.
(Oh my god, I have hair envy) "Wow, I love your hair!" He smiles "Thanks, but are you ok?" "Yes, I am fine frank you, I mean thank you" "Are you on your way home?" I look at him confused.
(Oh god, he's one of these weirdos that bury young girls under his driveway) "STRANGER DANGER!" I scream at the top of my lungs as I move away from Mr. Perfect Hair. "Stay away from me" he seems shocked "No! Look, I was just checking you were ok. I did mean to scare you" I still back away from him.
"Keep away from me," I shout at him again. I hear a car pull up, the headlights light us up I turn I can't see who it is but because the light is blinding me but I soon recognize the voice.
"Lyla, there you are" Ian comes into view "I've been looking everywhere for you!" he turns to Mr. Perfect Hair "Can I help you?" Ian asks him. "I was just checking she was ok when I saw her throwing up in the bin over there then the mad cow started screaming stranger danger. She's fucking nuts mate." (Everything after that happened in slow motion) Ian squares Mr. Perfect Hair straight in the jaw.
He runs off and Ian takes my hand and leads me to his car.
He gets into the driver's seat, he seems angry "Are you ok Ian?" his jaw tenses "Ian, I said are yo..." "I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID, LYLA!" he shouts, "Excuse you!" "I'm sorry I didn't mean to shout, but you have no idea how worried I was about you!" "Ian, I'm ok!" "You might not have been! Why would you put yourself in danger like that?" "I wanted a drink and no one was free, Plus I was jealous!" I turn away from him.
"Jealous?" he asks I roll my eye "Yes, jealous of Lexi being able to be seen out in public with you and just in your company," he looks over to me with soft eyes "Lyla, This was your idea. I was happy to keep seeing you in secret, but you decided it was best." "Now I don't think it's best. Ian, I miss you," he quickly looks over to me with a smile before returning his eyes to the road.
"I have to admit I've missed you terribly, but you need to figure out what you want!" "Ian, it's you! I want you. I can't wait 6 more weeks, it's killing me now" I see him smirk.
He takes my hand and pulls it to his lips before placing a small kiss against my knuckles "I want you to, Lyla. But if we are going to do this we need to be careful, very careful! No one can know!" "Of course!" "Not even Lillian!" "Ok, but if we are trying to be careful for the next 6 weeks I don't think you should be seen dropping me at my dorm" "Where shall I drop you home?" I grin.
"At your place Professor!" I wink.
Continue reading this story here - Chapter 5.
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I Tried Living Like a Social Media Influencer for a Week - Here’s What I Learned:
In a world full of Instagram and Youtube, a new elitism was born: Social Media Influencers.
What are social media influencers? According to the Digital Marketing Institue, social media influencers are, “users who have established credibility in a specific industry, have access to a huge audience and can persuade others to act based on their recommendations.”
After the death of app Vine, the top users couldn’t fathom losing their daily 6 seconds of fame and get a real job, so instead, they turned to good ol’Youtube. Youtube, which was once a platform for content creators to post actual formatted-scripted-creative videos, then became a playground for inFlueNcErs to post shallow videos of themselves vlogging their day-to-day life of doing $1,000 shopping hauls and Taco Bell mukbangs.
Though these vloggers claim their content is actual ~hard~ work, from a viewers standpoint it just looks like an extreme form of the narcissism of privileged people showing off how much money they have and how much fun they can have without having to maintain a real job.
In addition to their hard work of filming themselves eating fast food, there’s also the extremely hard and tiring work of them posting pictures of themselves onto Instagram. While I personally do not understand how this is real work, other sources would argue that it is. A recent survey showed that 75% of generation z and millennials consider online content creation to be a real job, and 34% of those people want to start a YouTube channel themselves.
Still, I can’t help but be irked when hearing about this lifestyle. But why? To figure out where this rooted irritation stems from, I decided to try to live like a social media influencer for a week. Vlogging. Instagramming. Eating like them and dressing like them. For a full week. Yeah. yeah. Here is what I learned:
1.) It Takes A lot of Confidence:
Is it confidence or is it narcissism? Depends on the vlogger. Either way, you’ll need one of the two to get started in the influencer world.
Let’s start off with vlogging. Talking to a camera while walking in a public space with people staring at you…..not an easy feeling. Every time I started filming and a person would notice, I instantly felt self-conscience.
Even when I was attempting to film alone, as soon as I would start talking to the camera as if it was an actual person, I couldn’t help but to laugh. Every. Time.
Maybe I should give more credit to vloggers who talk to their camera in public and make it look so easy and natural because it’s not.
Going along with the self embarrassment, posting consistently on Instagram added to the feeling.
I normally post on my Instagram one or two times a month, but posting pictures of myself WEEKLY felt like I hit the beyond cringe status.
Pressing the post button was dreadful, and I ended up deleting most pictures an hour after they were posted.
Posting my face onto my friend's timelines every single day and updating my Insta story every minute felt like a whole new level of narcissism. It’s so silly and weird to think influencers easily post these pictures and just ~expect~ people to like them and to care about what they’re up to that day
This goes along with the majority of influencers being narcissistic. In a 2016 study, researchers interviewed 239 influencers on their Instagram habits and found that they all ranked high on the Hypersensitive Narcissism Scale.
The researchers also said, "narcissists can post and manipulate specific photos to make themselves and their lives appear to be a certain way. Instagram appeals to narcissists because many interactions on it are 'surfacy' or 'shallow.”
The vlogging side to being an influencer is one thing because at the very least you can try to make something fun out of it, but the Instagram part? Absolutely, absolutely, not the lifestyle for me.
2.) It’s Only Fun if You're Making Money:
If I knew it was guaranteed I could live this lifestyle and start making the same amount of money as the top influencers do, going through the cringe and embarrassment of it all would totally be worth it.
Influencers get paid through brand deals and sponsored ads. Companies will reach out to influencers and ask them to either post a picture of them using or wearing their product, or shout out their company in a video in exchange of receiving anywhere from $200-10,000+ per post.
Social media influencer Tana Mongeau announced on her Instagram story this past week that the clothing company Fashion Nova pays her up to six figures per photo that she posts onto her Instagram wearing their clothing and tagging them in it. SIX FIGURES to post a picture on Instagram.
Mongeau has also explained in her past videos that clothing companies send her and other influencers exclusive catalogs of clothing articles selected just for them. These items are worth anywhere from $500-5,000. She picks the clothes that she likes, they send them to her for free, she then films a Youtube video of her showing off the clothes and pretending as if she actually shops there, then she can either keep the clothes or send them back. Either way, she still receives a thicccc paycheck for giving the company an online promo.
Influencer David Dobrik stated on his vlog channel that he was able to buy 10 new cars for his friends, plus a new Ferrari for himself, within one year due to giving the company SeatGeek shoutouts on his vlog. 11 new high-end cars in one year...just for talking about a company for literally 45 seconds.
Without the paycheck and without knowing if I’ll ever get a paycheck, I just don’t see the point in being an influencer just for ~fun~ especially knowing other people are banking off of it.
It’s like people who casually drink. Alcohol doesn’t taste good. There are zero health benefits to it. So if you’re not drinking to get drunk, what’s the point?
Being an influencer is embarrassing. There are horrible mental health benefits to it. So if you’re not posting to get paid, what’s the point? Attention?? Fans?? Feeding into narcissism???? Probably, but I still want a paycheck at the end of the day.
3.) It Takes A lot of Time:
Finding the perfect picture to post on Instagram takes. a. lot. of. time. After doing a full photo shoot in my Insta-baddie outfit outside of a 711 (which ties back to the needing self-confidence part and trying to continue on even when customers are staring), I then had to go through 103 pictures and even then I had to take more to find the ~one.~
But it doesn’t stop there!
Trying to edit and FaceTune the pictures like the influencers do was even more time consuming than taking the pictures and picking out the Dolls Kills mixed with Fashion Nova outfit itself.
If it took me that much time trying to decide which picture to post, I can’t even imagine how long it takes influencers, given they have more pressure put on them to post the right one. I only have a little over 4,000 followers to impress online, but real social media influencers have a solid 500,000-1,000,000+ that’s a lot of pressure! Not to mention if they’re posting the picture through a brand deal and the brand doesn’t like the picture, they can take the paycheck back...so their post has to be perfect.
Trying to come up with vlog content also took up a lot of time.
When I wasn’t laughing or cringing at myself, I was vacantly staring into the camera lens trying to come up with something to say, annnnnd I had nothing.
Then there were times where I did think of something to say, but either the sound quality was off or the sentence was worded funny so I would have to do retakes of me talking while also trying to make it sound natural.
AND THEN, once you FINALLY got your footage, you have to edit it all. The current trend among vloggers is to do quick edits with lots of weird effects and added sounds which took me 8 whole hours to figure how to do, and even then, the outcome was still shitty! !!!
While I still do believe vlogging isn’t real work, I WILL give them credit for their editing skills, now that I consider hard work.
*side note: while I do credit editing film as hard work, it can also be noted that there are vloggers out there who pay someone else to edit their videos for them….SoOOoOo
*side side note: I was going to add the vlog here but after this experiment, I weirdly decided I want to actually try to make a vlog channel this summer since most of my friends already do and I learned a lot from this, so I’m holding onto that content until the birth of my channel.
4.) It Does Hurt Your Mental Health:
While doing my research on what the influencer lifestyle was like, I tried to take note of what they typically eat in a day and what they wore.
From the different “What I Eat in a Day” videos I watched, it mostly seemed to consist of ice coffee (which I already drink on a daily basis so that was easy) and avocados and other super healthy foods.
The common outfit choices I noticed from the wardrobe hauls I watched mainly consisted of crop tops, street fashion, and anything that reveals a lot of skin.
Going back to a previous statement I made, influencers have a lot of followers and a lot of eyes on them, so it’s easy to see that they do whatever they can to always look their best.
While I did enjoy their food choices and clothing choices the most out of this entire experience (because it tasted good and looked cute), I feel like it would eventually become mentally exhausting to always be sooooo aware and conscious of what you look like at all times.
I mentioned before that I used the FaceTune app like all the other influencer do when editing my pictures before posting them. While I could write a whole other 25-page-long-essay on the dangers of FaceTune itself, I’ll just summarize it by saying this: FaceTune is an absolute evil drug that can trigger body dysmorphia within the user and within people who see the final FaceTuned pictures.
The features on that app that allows for you to look as if you lost 50 lbs, makes you look taller, fixes your skin complexion, and even alters your jawline??? are so dangerous and triggering to people who already suffer from low-self esteem, dysmorphia, and eating disorders, and I strongly suggest not even downloading the app, ever.
I also caught myself checking my phone every second to see how many likes I was getting after posting something. When posting content on social media becomes your job, I can totally see how addicting numbers can become and why people obsess over them.
In a recent interview with influencer Alexandra Mondalek done by The Guardian, Mondalek said, “I was putting too much weight into who was viewing my Instagram, I would worry about how a post was performing instead of making important calls. I felt a certain pressure to make a brand of myself, and there was so much anxiety in that.”
I also caught myself comparing my posts to similar posts that got more likes and wondering why mine weren’t getting as many, but then would remember that the majority of the influencer’s pictures have been FaceTuned, and they don’t actually look like that in real life so I shouldn’t be comparing myself to them.
Mondalek also said in the same interview that, “I’d be lying if I said I could look at an explore page on Instagram and not compare myself to what I see on those pages. Someone is purchasing something you can’t purchase or making connections you haven’t yet made. It’s the rat-race lifestyle boiled down into the palm of your hand, and sometimes it feels inescapable.”
Final Thoughts:
After this experience, I will give influencers a bit more credit. This definitely isn't a lifestyle anyone could pull off so props to those who can.
However, I still do not fully see a purpose or meaning in their job. And I'm pretty sure they don’t either — they just like the perks of the lifestyle.
Mongeau has stated several times in her vlogs that she knows she’s talentless and that she just got lucky, and I respect her for owning up to that.
I guess my core issue with influencers lies within the ones who cannot be honest with themselves and admit their job is meaningless.
These people really aren’t contributing much to society or working that hard, but are still making more money than teachers and some doctor — people who actually work — and it bothers me! Nobody needs that much money!
But....I did read in a recent study that, “narcissists tend to follow other narcissists on Instagram,” and prior to doing this experiment, I was already following these influencers on my own free will. So, maybe, if we’re being honest here, my problem isn’t the influencers work ethic, but deep down inside I see myself in these people and am just jealous that they’re living a richer life than I am.
Sources:
https://digitalmarketinginstitute.com/en-us/blog/9-of-the-biggest-social-media-influencers-on-instagram
https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/3617062/children-turn-backs-on-traditional-careers-in-favour-of-internet-fame-study-finds/
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/jan/08/instagram-influencers-psychology-social-media-anxiety
https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesagencycouncil/2018/05/29/five-ways-to-beat-social-media-algorithms-with-influencer-marketing/#20f2d13f6db7
https://www.businessinsider.com/narcissists-habits-instagram-2018-1
https://blog.logograb.com/visuals-videos-what-happened-vine/
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563215303307
https://chatterblast.com/being-a-social-media-influencer-its-a-real-job/
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563217306805
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Thoughts about Prompto’s arc in “Brotherhood”
The real title, for now, is something like “Prompto being formerly fat was not even remotely necessary and was offensively handled” or “Haley rants about Brotherhood because it’s so fatphobic”
TW: eating disorders, fatphobia.
It’s also incredibly long, but I really want to share my thoughts.
Update: 10-4-2018: inspired by comments and tags, I added more examples of dialogue that exemplifies the problem
Update: 22-4-2018: accounting for the new “official profiles”...it got worse, everyone.
Oh Prompto. Prompto Argentum. My beloved, sweet, beautiful bi boy who could have had a much more satisfying arc. They really tried, didn’t they? They tried to give you a touching backstory and instead exposed their fatphobia. And as for the bi part, well, that’s another essay in and of itself....stay tuned everyone.
Yes, this is one of those posts. That’s why I put all of this under a “Keep reading.” It’s just something that has been subtly bothering me for a long time and I thought I’d give this short essay format a try. There will be a TL;DR at the end, I suppose, but please read through this if you are interested in this aspect that I feel is both underexplored and overexploited about my most favorite character in anything ever.
A bit about myself before we begin: I am rather chubby. I’m 5’4” (162cm) and 220 lbs (100 kg), and I have struggled off and on with eating disorders since I was in high school. I do realize this makes me “obese,” but this essay isn’t about that. Rather, it is about how fatness and obesity is often portrayed in media as a character flaw, or something to overcome, and my own feelings about why this is harmful. To be clear, I want to make two major points with this: 1) Prompto being “formerly fat” is not something that was even remotely necessary for his character arc and its inclusion and resolution are nothing short of fatphobic and; 2) the fact that Prompto receives his character development via losing weight in Brotherhood is emblematic of every problem I have with how media chooses to include fat people.
These points are incredibly intertwined, so let’s start by exploring what was intended by the episode. I want to be clear and demonstrate that I fully understand what the episode intended to show, and I will continue to acknowledge what the likely intent was. This essay/rant is critiquing the execution.
If the point of Brotherhood was to suggest that Prompto had a lonely childhood until he met Noctis, that’s great! I understand that that’s what Brotherhood was showing. HOWEVER. I have been sickened, from the moment I saw his episode, with how his journey to lose weight was correlated with his journey to “be good enough” to be Noct’s friend. Let me be clear. I understand that we are supposed to interpret this as a character flaw on Prompto’s part, and we see in the gayest scene the rooftop motel scene that losing weight did not resolve Prompto’s self-confidence. I know that. What I am saying is that him losing weight was in no was necessary to include, at least not in the way that they did. There are some ugly implicit implications here, not least of which is that eating nothing but salads is, I would argue, just as unhealthy as what he was doing before. The show treats it as a positive good that Prompto appears to be starving himself and thinking obsessively about losing weight, and that is what I am taking issue with.
I, personally, detest the “formerly fat” trope and all its incarnations. Wouldn’t it simply have been enough to say that Prompto was painfully shy (he was) and very lonely (he was)? Why do these feelings have to be justified via his body? Was there no other way you could justify Prompto simply being too shy to talk to Noct? Noct’s the prince, Prompto is a commoner who feels that he’s nothing particularly special…would this not have been enough? Doing it the way that they did implies that being fat is a moral and character flaw that needs to be corrected in order for you to be seen as a hero. That is what I am taking issue with.
And yes, I realize that the “weight loss journey” is jump-started by the fact that babby Noct says “heavy…” when trying to help Prompto to his feet. Believe me, I understand first-hand how much that hurts. I faced many similar instances in my own life. I can’t blame him for saying it, he’s a kid, but I do want to point out that Noct never apologizes for this. You could say “he didn’t realize he was wrong” but maybe you could have had a scene where Noct wonders why the cute boy with the camera is avoiding him, and Ignis can say something like “well, did you do or say anything that might have upset him?” and Noct can actually apologize for hurting Prompto’s feelings. This is not unreasonable to expect. When I was a kid and people were avoiding me, my mom always asked me to think back on why that might be. It’s part of growing up and learning that your words and actions have consequences.
TO BE FAIR: I do think the motel scene was an attempt to rectify all of this in the game. While Prompto formerly being fat is not explicitly mentioned, he is mortified that Noct remembers him back in elementary school. Now, I love Noct, but he’s stupid sometimes, and not very intuitive. This is, however, in his character, and I will allow it because the very next thing he says is “You should have said something sooner.” This shows Prompto (and the audience) that Noct doesn’t give two shits about how Prompto looks, now or ever, and I am happy that this was included. However, there is no given reason behind why Noct couldn’t simply talk to Prompto himself beforehand. Like I said, Noct is an idiot, and also a lot more shy and awkward than he lets on. But this moment was sweet between them, even if you don’t ship promptis, and I do think it is fair to mention it.
However, coupling all of this with the fact that the “character sheets” show us that Prompto does, canonically, have a fear of gaining weight, as well as these little snippets of dialogue…
Prompto: Hey, let’s hit up the Crow’s Nest!
Ignis: If you wish to put on weight? Certainly.
Prompto: *sighs* Yeah, I know…
(I swear to god every time I get this dialogue I SCREAM at Ignis, how is this even remotely okay to say to your friend who you damn well know has problems with his weight and there’s no way you don’t know this--)
EDIT: The addition of this quote is based on the tags from @gentiuna, I knew I was forgetting something!
Noct: Why is your face so fat?
Prompto: I’m NOT fat!!
(I swear to Jesus you’re on thin fucking ice with me Noct, that’s not even remotely funny and you need a time out to think about what you’ve done--)
This one I have only gotten once in my ~400 hrs of play but I swear I didn’t make it up; if anyone finds the specific words, I will correct it:
Ignis: talks about food and how it’s “anything your heart wants” or something
Prompto: Yeah, it’s the wanting that’s the problem.
I think this was intended to be a nod to Brotherhood but (and @bernielu can back me up on this) I SCREAMED when I heard it. How is that REMOTELY okay? Nobody even REACTS to this, or asks if Prompto is okay, or ask him why the FUCK he would say that.
This is when it becomes pertinent, I think, to discuss my own experience with eating disorders. I have wonderful friends and family, and I’m well on the road to recovery, but back when I was in high school, I just straight up wouldn’t bring food to lunch. Retroactively, I realize they all brought extra, hoping I would get just hungry enough to pick at the scraps (I usually did), and that was their way of helping me and showing me that they cared. It can be hard to want food sometimes. As offensive as I find its inclusion, I do think that’s an accurate way of representing how it can feel: you know that food is good, and you know that you are hungry, but it’s wanting to eat it that’s a problem. Here’s my issue: that should have raised everyone’s red flags, and the fact that nobody, NOT EVEN NOCT, WHO WE CAN EXPECT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS, says ANYTHING about this, and the game writes it off as another one of its Infamous Banters ™….it’s not looking great. It’s not looking like representation, to me. It’s looking like erasure and fatphobia.
Babby Prompto is supposed to be viewed with pity but also, I think, with disdain: by the audience and by Prompto himself. I’ve noticed in many fics that the fans like to almost romanticize this aspect of him, and explore that he has an eating disorder which is…I don’t’ like it because most of these fics come to the same conclusion: Prompto ends up skinny anyway and it’s just a quirk about him. This is what I meant when I said that I feel this is overexploited, earlier in the essay, but also underdeveloped in the sense that they basically, in my opinion, show this as something that Prompto had to “get over” to be a real protagonist. They don’t go into how fucked up Prompto’s psyche must be from this. It’s just kinda…ignored.
UPDATE 22-4-2018: I’ve got to get this off my chest, the new “Official Works Profile” for Prompto made all of this worse. It literally outright states that, after rescuing Pryna, Prompto “decided “to become the right sort of person for a Prince” and worked to change himself. It also refers to Prompto having a “pudgy youth” as if that were a bad thing. It also says “Incidentally, Prompto’s photography hobby developed when he was dieting and took photos to record his weight loss progress.” Not gonna lie, this one made me physically ill. There was literally no reason for that other than to imply that being fat is somehow immoral. Why is Prompto’s “personal resolve” equated to losing weight? Why couldn’t it simply have been to be more outgoing? I’m fucking ANGRY, I’m done being polite about this.
My solution, then? Well, one of two things: 1) don’t make Prompto fat to justify his bad childhood if you know you’re just gonna make him thin and completely ignore that he was ever different, which is my preferred solution, or 2) have at least one character be bigger and that’s just how they are and it’s not made into a plot point or anything.
A final note: I KNOW people can and do drop tremendous amounts of weight, and I want to be clear that I am not suggesting this is bad or that people shouldn’t do it. A person’s weight and their relationship to it is their own business, and as long as people have a healthy relationship with their body, I’m not one to judge. I know that we are supposed to see Prompto’s weight loss as heroic and a strong example of his dedication to Noctis. And sure, we get that. But maybe I have convinced you that the development we get comes at the cost of fatphobia, at least in terms of how it was portrayed here.
TL;DR: Prompto didn’t need to be fat to develop his character, and its inclusion and treatment in the narrative of Brotherhood suggest an uncomfortable degree of fatphobia.
If you stuck around for the whole thing, thank you so much for reading my thoughts. It’s something that has been bubbling up in me for months, and now I am finally able to put it in words. <3
#tw eating disorders#tw fatphobia#please take care of yourselves with this one#haley talks#haley has opinions#haley has a soapbox#it's just something i've been thinking about for a long time#ever since i first saw it i knew something wasn't right#brotherhood#prompto argentum#text post#long post#first try at an essay about this#let's see how it goes#i do not know how to format this on mobile so it will show up weird there#i'm sorry
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I posted 67 times in 2021
27 posts created (40%)
40 posts reblogged (60%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 1.5 posts.
I added 97 tags in 2021
#reblog - 22 posts
#progress updates - 14 posts
#malady 4 updates - 11 posts
#cedric - 11 posts
#cloudia phantomhive - 8 posts
#kuroshitsuji - 8 posts
#useful - 6 posts
#fanfiction - 6 posts
#undertaker - 6 posts
#other stuff - 5 posts
Longest Tag: 120 characters
#(also the original was tagged with charlotte and henry omgg the best version of this those idiots got married first too)
This is so fun! It shows perfectly how goddamn long Malady 4 was XD
(The top #5 posts are under the cut because they are so long! #2 is the first Malady 4 update post - meaning most of the notes are just me reblogging it again and again and again... XD)
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
With the month creeping towards its end (already??), I decided to split Part 3. I don't think I can finish the whole thing, and I don't want to rush anything. Also, splitting it would make it easier to go through and edit and so. I also really want to finally get something out, so a split made the most sense to me. And I wanted to do shorter (partial) chapters anyway.
So, there will be a Part 4 (will this ever end??) which may (?) come relatively soon (= not almost a year later like last time, I promise) afterwards as it's Camp Nano next month.
And the first draft of Part 3 is done :) I hope I can finish revising it by the end of the month^^
6 notes • Posted 2021-03-25 23:46:45 GMT
#4
Today, the course-period of my semester has ended. I have to write two essays which are due in April and sometime else, so I will do my very best to finish and get out Malady 3 in March!!
(Omg, then, it will have taken me over a year to finish what is (basically) a single chapter??? :OOO)
If March passes without an update, I may have passed myself. Which won’t do because I have books to read.
In the meantime: I shared some snippet-snippets before when I talked about last year’s July Camp Nano (here and here!) I have now hit 310 (???) snippets in my little collection (and almost a hundred pages!), so here's the continuation.
#286
“Considering how you are and that you inherited your god-awful job from your father, I’m sort of glad that I never got to meet him.”
#287
Milton flinched and his eyes widened. “W… why would you say this?”
#288
For a split second, a peculiar expression hushed over Wentworth’s face before it returned to its normal impeccably controlled, balanced state.
#289
“Something isn’t right,” said Cloudia and hurried to the storage room door.
“What isn’t right?” Cedric asked.
#290
“No, I cannot say I have. Why?”
Milton looked away to the open sea. “For no reason in particular.”
#291
Milton took a deep breath. “There is something I have to tell you.
#292
Please forgive me. You are supposed to be my confidante, and I am not supposed to keep any secrets from you.
#293
The light of the chandeliers nearly blinded her as it was reflected on the polished marble floor; still, she kept her head up high and did not make any mistakes as she was whirled around the hall, her hands clasped to his.
“How are you?” asked Milton, his voice a welcome softness in this world of harsh light and halting music. “I hope you are feeling better today. You have been so unwell lately.”
Cloudia nodded, her gaze transfixed on the stark white walls as they spun and spun across the ballroom.
“That is wonderful to hear, Cloudia,” he said, and she was sure that he was smiling. He always smiled when hearing good news, but Cloudia did not dare to look. Instead, she studied the odd, sharp engravings on the walls, watched the candlelight flicker on the ground, shine above their heads.
None of it was pleasant to see; only the fact that facing him would even more unpleasant kept her eyes there.
#294
“Untrained eyes are the easiest to deceive, Mylady. He was unwell, and I caught him. Would you have preferred it if he had cracked his head open on the concrete?”
“Obviously not.” Cloudia crossed her arms.
#295
“Milton, there is something that has been bothering me for a while, and I believe that you can help me with it.”
#296
Milton shook his head. “No, it’s not the same. He…”
#297
I would get married on my terms.
#298
“Countess?” Someone shook her. “You cannot sleep now. It’s almost time for the play.”
#299
“It is a little strange,” Milton said, drawing out every word slowly and carefully, at the dining table.
#300
Francis could feel his eyes on her when she entered the room. They always found her; and even if they were not in a crowded ballroom and his finding not a remarkable accomplishment, her heart still fluttered a little.
It did not quench her anger though.
She closed the door behind her and walked to the chair next to Alexis’ bed, perched on it. “Why didn’t you write that you are sick?”
#301
“This is more than I deserve, and all I have ever dreamed and wished for.”
#302
A life for a life.
Is this why I have always been so restless?
#303
“That sounds oddly specific,” Cloudia replied. “Did you ever do something whose outcome you did not expect?”
“Plenty of times.”
“And are you still blaming yourself for them?”
“Always and forever.”
“So you are giving me a piece of advice you have not taken yourself?”
#304
Milton moved slightly away from her, and Cloudia dropped her hand. He seemed to want to say something else, but then settled on a faint smile and, “You are probably right.”
#305
“So there are multiple shows?” Cloudia asked.
“Yes, one for each weekday. This one, however, is special as it is exclusive to Halloween.”
“Oh, we got lucky, Lady,” said Cedric, munching on his biscuits.
#306
It had been her fear once – to forget.
#307
I traded one prison only with another less conspicuous one.
#308
“But you would have asked,” said Milton, and it was her turn to be surprised.
#309
“‘Dia?’” Cedric repeated.
#310
He couldn’t find a face to that name.
7 notes • Posted 2021-02-26 20:10:10 GMT
#3
“I was sick of time, and forests too.”
Countryside, England, United Kingdom – February 1846
~Cloudia~
Keegan had not told me that someone else would be here too. I thought it would solely be the Disaster Trio and me.
And how odd it was that it was the man from the reception.
“Good thinking, Milt,” said Falk and walked to Milton to take the plate from him. “Someone,” he glared at Geoffrey, “has been monopolising the orange muffins.”
“I took them when nobody else seemed to want any,” Geoffrey defended himself.
“They were just brought out!” Falk yelled. “And you placed every single one of them on your plate. Were we supposed to steal them from you?!”
“A man has to eat to gain strength and height.”
“You are not even growing anymore! And why muffins? Eat vegetables and fruits if you need strength!”
“Eating baked goods is important too!”
“Eat as many as you want in your own time! This is a group setting, Bentley!”
“This is my own time, Flanagan!”
Falk wanted to reply something when Cadell walked to them and said, “Now, now, there is no reason to yell. Milt brought new ones, didn’t he?” He took the plate with the muffins from Falk, and from one moment to the other, the atmosphere shifted, brought about by them remembering that Milton was here.
“I am sorry for having yelled with you so close to me, Milt,” Falk said, sounding genuinely rueful.
“I am sorry for having been overeager with the muffins and making you head to the kitchen,” Geoffrey said, sounding similarly apologetic.
Cloudia could only blink in bewilderment at the strange scene in front of her.
I had only met Milton Salisbury once before. Of course, I knew nothing of him from the brief time we spent together at the Layton Art Gallery. Still, he did not seem like someone who would be associated with the loud, chaotic Disaster Trio, perhaps even be friends with them. Milton was so timid... he did not fit together with them.
However, while he seemed very out of place next to Geoffrey, Cadell, and Falk, he also seemed to have his place within this group.
Curious.
A faint smile that didn’t reach his eyes appeared on Milton’s lips. “It is all right, Geoffrey and Falk,” he said softly. Then, he turned to Cloudia. “Welcome. Mr Morrow, isn’t it? It is nice to see you so soon again. I am sorry for not having come to you immediately to greet you.”
“It is fine,” Cloudia replied. Only when the words were already out, did she realise that she had said them gently, involuntarily mirroring Milton’s tone and the tone Geoffrey and Falk had used when they had spoken to him. Keegan rarely spoke like that, and Cloudia was glad that no one seemed to have noticed the mistake.
What a slip-up! And I hadn’t even been here for an hour. I needed to be more careful and guarded.
“I also think that it is nice to see you again so soon, Baron Salisbury,” Cloudia continued, making her voice sound a little grumpier than before. Interestingly, all members of the Disaster Trio looked worriedly at Milton when she had finished speaking.
That faint smile from before re-appeared on Milton’s face. “Please call me ‘Milton,’ Mr Morrow. There is no need to be so formal with me. Especially not in such a setting.”
“Then, please call me ‘Keegan,’ Milton,” Cloudia replied.
Milton nodded, and then Cadell said, “How about we sit down and eat and talk a little?” He gave Cloudia a clap on the back and smiled at her. “Get to know one another a bit better before the hunt?”
It was certainly an odd conversation, being interspersed with Falk and Geoffrey’s bickering and Cadell’s attempts to calm them down. It was fairly one-sided with the Disaster Trio, mostly Cadell, asking Cloudia questions. Although Cloudia was not very keen on socialising, it itched her to talk more, to ask more questions herself, to contribute more to their conversation. Unfortunately, she was “Keegan” right now, and her dear cousin had never been particularly talkative. As a result, it felt as if Cloudia was not involved in a lunch conversation, but was rather being interviewed. And considering the kind of questions the Disaster Trio mostly asked – How long have you been hunting? What is your favourite part of hunting? Is it true that you are a master tracker? Etc. – she wondered if she wasn’t, in fact, being interviewed for something.
While everyone else was actively participating in the conversation, Milton was a silent observer. Cloudia kept forgetting that he was there until he asked someone of the Disaster Trio a question when they weren’t talking to her, enquiring about Geoffrey’s wife Hannah, Falk’s studies, Cadell’s insight on the last derby. He never asked her any questions. Cloudia would have felt insulted if she had not noticed how draining all of Milton’s attempts at light conversation were to him. If he barely managed to talk to people who were apparently his friends, she could not blame him for avoiding talking to her, a stranger.
Milton looked so sad and miserable while he was quietly eating and listening to everyone else talking. Still, when he spoke, he put on a faint smile and a soft, almost happy voice. Milton’s father had died two and a half months ago; the wound was still fresh, the grief still strong. Milton was struggling, he was trying, and Cloudia could not help but wonder why he was even here if he was doing so badly.
After two hours of painful conversation, it was finally time for the hunt.
Cadell led them outside. The servants had brought out the horses – beautiful animals; Cloudia could not wait to ride one of them but wished she could have brought Falada with her – and set out tables with the rifles. Cloudia took in everything and blinked in bewilderment when she noticed that there were only four horses.
“Cadell,” Cloudia said; he had told her that it was fine to call him by his given name, “aren’t we missing a horse?”
“We’re not, Morrow. Milt will not be hunting with us,” Cadell replied.
Cloudia must have looked very puzzled because when Falk looked at her he said, “Milt will participate in the hunt. He simply won’t hunt. He will walk around the forest and shoo animals in our direction to make things easier for us and ensure that everything goes well. Like carrying around extra ‘ammunition,’ helping us with our rifles if something goes wrong with them, or making sure that no animal will become a danger to any of us.”
“In the past, Milt hunted a few times with us,” Cadell continued with the explanation. “It’s only a bit more difficult for him, and he was always more comfortable in his unique position of ‘hunt guard.’”
“Why is it more difficult for him?” Cloudia wanted to know.
“It is more difficult for me because I cannot ride,” Milton said behind her, startling her and making her take a step to the side to integrate him into their little circle. “Animals generally dislike me. That’s why I could never learn it,” he answered her unspoken question as well. “And why there won’t be any dogs in this hunt.”
Geoffrey suddenly appeared and put an arm around Milton’s shoulders. “You can still decide to join on foot, Milt! Not that you get rusty. You need to practice! Practice! Keep practising!”
“Don’t push him if he doesn’t want to, Bentley,” snarled Falk.
“I’m not pushing him! It’s Milt’s choice! I am only saying he should not forget to practice! Even if he is already the best shot amongst us, he needs to practice to get even better!”
Cloudia raised an eyebrow. “Milton is the best shot amongst you?”
Looking at Milton, I would immediately put him on a list of “people who should never be given a gun.” But then, maybe if he was not in mourning, he was less anxious, less shaky?
Geoffrey put down the arm he had wrapped around Milton’s shoulders to give him a clap on the back. “Yes! Best shot I know even.”
“Milt never misses his mark,” Falk stated.
“If he were to actively participate in the hunt, none of us would have a chance,” Cadell added and smiled.
Milton blushed. “I am not that good,” he told Cloudia sheepishly. “They are only being nice.”
Cadell laughed. “That’s our humble Milt for you, Morrow.”
“Milt? Should I explain the hunt’s procedure or do you want to do it?” asked Falk, walking to the table with the rifles.
“I can do it, Falk,” Milton said, and Falk nodded.
“Milt better does it himself,” meant Cadell.
“Yes,” said Geoffrey. “No one ever understands your explanations, Flanagan.”
Falk glared at Geoffrey and Cadell, and Cloudia could see that he was restraining himself not to yell at them in front of Milton. Surely, he had done this a dozen times today already, but right now, he seemed to remember to hold himself back when Milton was with them.
Wordlessly, Falk handed something to Milton who thanked him and then turned to Cloudia. “This will be a rather unconventional hunt as none of us will kill any animals today.” He showed her the object in his hand: a dart with indigo fletching. “This is a tranquiliser dart. It is only strong enough to take down an animal. If a human gets hit or grazed by it, they will only get stabbed and nothing else. The dart’s dose works on all animals found in a regular British forest, from rabbits to wild boars and deer, and will work quickly, but not instantaneously. A hit animal, no matter the size, will not wake up for at least two hours. Of course, the hunt may take longer than that. Thus, some larger animals may wake up before the hunt is finished. The dart will stay in the animal and will be counted later. Please be careful not to shoot at an animal that has already been claimed by someone else.”
Milton touched the fletching. “The colour of the darts’ fletching will vary so that it is easier to discern who shot which animal and who got the most. After the hunting period is over, the animals will be located and counted. Therefore, it’s not necessary to take them with you. The larger the animal you ‘hunted,’ the more points you receive. Afterwards, the darts will be removed and the awakened animals will be let go.”
He gave the dart to Cloudia who curiously turned it around in her hand. “We also have darts in red, yellow, and blue if you prefer a different colour,” Milton told her.
“This one will be fine,” Cloudia said, and he nodded. Then, Falk handed Milton a rifle. “Of course, it would be inconvenient and potentially dangerous if one were to approach an animal and stab it with a dart from a close distance,” Milton continued and showed Cloudia the rifle. “These rifles were modified to be able to carry and shoot the darts. Except for that, they work the same as regular rifles. You will be able to hunt as always. The only difference to normal hunts is that tranquiliser darts will be used instead of bullets.”
“A non-lethal hunt. Interesting,” Cloudia said and took the rifle from Milton. She inspected it from all sides; it looked just like a regular rifle. Then, Cloudia put in her dart. Like he had said, it worked exactly like loading a rifle with bullets. This modified weapon could hold three darts, and Milton silently handed her two more indigo ones.
“I’ve never seen anything like this before,” said Cloudia. “Where did you get it?”
Cadell shrugged. “It’s something very new on the market, apparently. You can try it out, Morrow,” he replied and pointed at a tree that was only about four metres away from them.
He didn’t have to tell me twice.
Excited, Cloudia readied and raised the rifle and shot the tree with ease. She hit and the dart got stuck in the bark. This modified version worked surprisingly well. Shooting with it was a familiar, smooth process.
“It works like a charm,” Cloudia said and lowered the weapon. “Do you always hunt like this?”
Falk shook his head. “No. We usually use normal hunting rifles and bullets. Milt suggested we try something else this time.”
Milton fumbled with his sleeves. “I am sorry if all this is a bit weird to you,” he said to Cloudia. “I should have said something earlier.”
“No, it’s my fault here,” Geoffrey interjected, much to Cloudia’s surprise. “I invited Morrow. I should have let him know.”
“It’s all right,” said Cloudia. “While this is certainly odd, it is also refreshing. I do not mind trying out something new.”
Milton smiled faintly, and Cadell joyfully clapped his hands together. “This is good to hear, Morrow! With everything now explained, we can start the hunt.”
The rifles and darts were handed out – Falk received the red ones, Cadell the blue ones, and Geoffrey the yellow ones. As a start, everyone got thirty-six darts packed in a small bag. If someone were to run out of darts, they either had to return to the manor to get more or find Milton who would be carrying darts in all colours with him.
After the weapons, the horses were distributed. Out of fairness, Cadell chose not to use his personal horse today and instead picked a brown steed called Philippe which he had only ridden once before. Cloudia’s horse was named Domino, a white mare with a black mane and black spots. Falk’s was called Samson, and Geoffrey’s Major.
While Cloudia got ready and introduced herself to Domino by feeding her an apple, Milton gave her, much to her surprise, yet another item: a gun. England had notably very few large animals, and the animals that were larger like deer usually didn’t attack people. Milton explained that it was still better for everyone to carry an actual weapon for emergencies and emergencies only. With raised eyebrows, Cloudia accepted the gun.
Shortly afterwards when everyone was on their horses, Milton announced that the hunt would now commence and Cloudia alongside Cadell, Falk, and Geoffrey rode into the forest.
***
Every time Cloudia went hunting, she thought of August and the first time she had ever participated in a hunt. She heard August’s instructions and tips whenever she raised her rifle, aimed, and fired. He had taught her all she knew about shooting and hunting. He had been unsure whether he would be a good teacher; she had been sure that he would be. In the end, Cloudia had been right: August had been a wonderful instructor, and she would always carry his teachings with her – and the memory of that first hunt that resurfaced with every new one.
On horseback and with a rifle in her hands, alert on the wildlife around her, Cloudia was catapulted back several months into the past. A restless fifteen-year-old, eager to learn how to use a gun, to find something new to keep her busy and divert her thoughts.
It felt as if more time had passed since then, but it had not even been a year. Cathleen and August were married now. Cloudia now knew how to use firearms. But she was still fifteen, was still restless and trying to find new things to keep her mind and body busy.
Taking a deep breath, Cloudia pushed that thought aside and aimed at a fox. She hit and watched it fall down and asleep. Those tranquiliser darts worked very well. It was almost scary.
Cloudia looked at the fox for a moment longer and then rode on. The hunt energised her, filled her with excitement and adrenaline. She loved the feeling of wind on her skin when she rode and wished she could feel it in her hair too, wished she could take off the wig and let her hair fall loose. She enjoyed the hunt so much that, for a while, she forgot about the main reason she switched places with Keegan: the bandits in the forest. Cecelia had said that they had last been spotted around this area. So far, Cloudia had not spotted any of them or anything that indicated that they were indeed in this forest.
It was a pity that the bandits seemed to have left for someplace else, and I could not catch them anymore and annoy some policemen by doing their work for them.
At least, I could participate in a hunt and have some fun in that.
Cloudia shot a few more foxes, some rabbits, and while pursuing a deer, she ventured deeper and deeper into the forest. In the beginning, she had sometimes spotted Falk, Cadell, or Geoffrey, though never Milton; she wondered where he was and how exactly he was fulfilling his duty as “hunt guard.” Now, following the deer and eventually losing it, Cloudia realised that she hadn’t seen anyone in a long while and that she might have ridden too deep into the forest. Not knowing if she was even allowed to go that far away – no one had told her, and she had forgotten to ask –, Cloudia made Domino turn around. As soon as they were moving back towards Beaumont Manor, Domino got frightened by something. Cloudia tried to calm her down, in vain, and was thrown off the horse and landed hard on the ground.
***
Nanteuil-la-Forêt, Marne, France – June 1848
~Cedric~
Cedric had never been a morning person. His perfect mornings entailed sleeping in and having breakfast in bed when it was time for lunch. However, because of his various occupations, he had learned to get up early and get ready quickly. Therefore, when Jacques woke him up at six in the morning, Cedric’s body was surprisingly ready for the day even when his mind was not. After visiting Cloudia, he had managed to sleep for about ten hours which was a good amount, but they did not quite even out the hours he had spent sleepless and tormented. At least, they would be enough to allow him to wander through the forest to get to the Clockmaker.
As soon as Jacques was gone – he still had preparations to do before their departure – Cedric groaned yet again and got out of bed. He washed himself, got dressed, packed his bag while he thought how he had been unable to have a proper conversation with Cloudia again. They were always broken up, and he had become thoroughly annoyed at this circumstance. This time, he had apparently even fallen asleep in her room and been brought to his later. Cedric could barely remember what little they had talked about yesterday, though he remembered the disorientation and disappointment he had felt when Jacques had woken him up. The little time he had spent with Cloudia had been blurred by his sleepy brain.
At least, while Cedric might not be a morning person, Cloudia was one. It was a little after six o’clock, and the chances were high that she was awake right now. Jacques had said that he might need a while to get ready. If Cedric hurried, he could visit Cloudia before they left.
Cedric fastened his hairband and grabbed his bag before he strode out of his room and to Cloudia’s.
Jacques could take all the time he wanted.
Smiling, Cedric opened the door to Cloudia’s room – and was met by Lisa. Only by Lisa.
Oh, for Heaven’s sake.
Lisa grinned at him. “If you’re looking for Lady Cloudia,” she said while dusting the room, “she has been gone for hours. Mr Kamden left Al and me notes to say that they would go to Nanteuil-la-Forêt.”
“For hours?” Cedric exclaimed. “It’s six o’clock! What could they want that early there?”
She shrugged. “Don’t ask me. The note wasn’t very detailed, but I guess they wanted to investigate some more?”
Cedric rubbed his face. Of course. Cloudia usually got up early to get work done or finish a book. This case was keeping her busy and bothering her – and if she had left in the dead of night, she had likely thought about catching the culprit when they were about to claim their next victim. Of course, she had thought that.
Cedric sighed and let his eyes wander through the room – and seeing the seating area, his memories from yesterday flowed back and with them came a healthy blush. Thankfully, Lisa had turned around to dust a vase, and he was still conscious enough to understand that he had to leave before she saw him in his current state.
“Well. Bye then, Miss Greene,” Cedric said and hurried out of the room and to the kitchen. He needed to eat, needed to go somewhere where he likely would not run into anyone he knew – not when his face was still burning red.
The kitchen was busy at this hour with cooks and kitchen helpers hurrying around to prepare breakfast. Cedric watched them work for a moment before he turned invisible and sneaked inside, taking some food here and there. Then, he teleported himself out of the building. Perhaps it would cause a bit of confusion, but he did not think of that. All he could think of was Cloudia’s warm hand in his, her hand in his hair, her face so close to his…
Cedric groaned and leaned against the château’s façade, turning visible again when he was sure no one was around. He put an arm over his eyes and breathed the crisp morning air in and out.
“I do not care about this case, about this mission. I am only here for…” I couldn’t believe that I had said this out loud yesterday! Could not fathom what was happening to me.
At least, I had broken off my sentence. God, at least, I had broken off my sentence…
Cedric slid to the ground, repeating the words in his head that had been crossing his mind and lips for quite a while now: “I am not in love with the Countess.”
He took out the food he had stolen in the kitchen and ate a croissant to divert his thoughts. Although Cedric had not eaten anything since yesterday’s late lunch, the knot in him did not let him feel his hungriness much. He pondered over contacting Cloudia via the skull pendant necklace but dismissed the idea. Maybe it wouldn’t be good to hear her now – even if it wasn’t her voice, it was her words, and that might already be too much for him to bear right now when she wasn’t actually there with him.
I was a mess.
“You look like a mess,” Cedric heard the one voice he did not want to hear in this very moment. Naturally, as the universe seemed to have taken a dislike to him, Cecelia was here and no one else.
Cedric stuffed the rest of the croissant into his mouth and looked blankly at Cecelia who had appeared at the exit, a small bag in her hand.
“Good morning, you mannerless idiot,” said Cecelia, grimacing.
He kept on chewing. The flaky pastry crumbled in his overstuffed mouth and bits of it got stuck on his face and fluttered onto his clothes.
“You are disgusting.”
He kept on chewing and chewing.
Cecelia sighed and asked with a wicked smile on her face, “Did you sleep well, Not-Kristopher?”
He kept looking at her blankly. She shrugged.
For a while, no one said a word. Then, Cedric swallowed down his croissant and asked, “What are you doing here so early, Cecelia?”
Cecelia raised an eyebrow, and Cedric sighed. “Good morning, Cecelia. What are you doing here so early?”
She smiled. “I am waiting for my carriage to get prepared and my luggage to be brought out. I planned to head out a little later. However, I woke up early and have been overflowing with energy all morning – it is terrible. I hope this goes away soon. At least, leaving early means arriving early and having more time for myself there.”
Cedric blinked at her. “You are going somewhere?” “Couldn’t you have done this sooner?” he wanted to add but held himself back.
“Yes, to Paris,” Cecelia told him, and he stared at her.
“To Paris? Since when?”
She rolled her eyes. “Since we planned this trip, Not-Kristopher. I don’t have to disclose all I do to you if I don’t want to. But don’t worry: I am not following Milton. I am going there because the Williams marquessate owns two properties in Paris. After Michael’s death, they were given to his brother. However, one of them is not an old family house but a home Michael purchased specifically for him and me. While that house belongs legally to his brother, it is mine in any way. I am managing it. Richard does not dare to touch it; it is his in-name-only. I haven’t been at this house in a long time, so I am heading there for business reasons.”
“Oh, dear God, you have relatives?” Cedric exclaimed.
“Of course, I have relatives. Who did you think the current Marquess Williams was?”
“Honestly, I do not care for such things.”
Cecelia rolled her eyes again. “Michael has a younger brother and sister who are both married. Richard has a young son. Arabella is expecting. I have plenty of relatives.”
“Oh, dear God, you are an aunt?”
She sighed. “We always have the most pleasant conversations, Not-Kristopher, don’t we?” Cecelia reached into her bag and held out a daguerreotype to him. It showed an uncharacteristically friendly-looking Cecelia in front of a quaint house, her arms linked with a bespectacled smiling man.
“That’s Michael?” Cedric said, squinting at the picture. “He looks like a perfectly normal man. Not evil at all. He seems so ordinary.”
“I didn’t invite you to comment on Michael. I am showing you the house.” Cecelia glared at him. “And no, while he was indeed a normal person, he was certainly not ordinary.”
“Well, Michael’s on the daguerreotype too,” Cedric replied. “You look like such an uneven match.”
Cecelia huffed and put back the image. “And what are you doing here, Not-Kristopher?” she said, a sudden edge to her words.
Did I accidentally say something that upset her? What exactly was it and why did it upset her? I had to find out.
“Jacques said that he would meet me at the front entrance,” Cedric told her. “I am waiting for him. When he arrives, we’re heading to the Clockmaker – wherever that person lives.”
Cecelia chuckled. “The front entrance you say?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re waiting for him there?”
“Exactly.”
“Right now?”
“Yes, ri-” Cedric’s face sagged. “I’m at the wrong entrance, aren’t I?”
“Yes,” Cecelia said with a grin. “This is theback entrance.”
With a groan, Cedric stood up and brushed the croissant crumbs from his face and clothes. “I’ll go then,” he said and hurried around the building and to the front entrance. Cedric had rounded the corner to the entrance when he spotted a carriage in front of it. He slowed down and walked towards the door. Jacques was nowhere to be seen, but Milton was sitting on the steps to the entrance, reading a book.
Milton looked up and smiled at Cedric. “Good morning, Kristopher,” he said and put his bookmark into his book and closed it. “How are you? Did you sleep well?”
“Good morning, Milton,” Cedric replied. “I can’t say I slept particularly well, but I did sleep for a decently long time, so I am doing fine.”
“That’s good to hear.”
Cedric looked around. “What are you doing here anyway, Milton? I mean, sitting and reading here.”
“I am waiting for Bram. A few things still needed to be arranged. I wanted to do them; however, after yesterday’s storm, Bram insisted that he will do it and that I should get some more rest.” Milton gazed up to the sky. The way the wind gently played with his hair and the sun illuminated his hair and eyes, made his facial features both soft and refined, he did remind Cedric of a faerie. “Today, the sky is clear though,” Milton said dreamily, “and it is so warm despite the early hour. It seems that it will be a lovely day today.”
“Is that why you have been reading on the steps instead of in the carriage?” Cedric asked.
Milton smiled at him. While he was always restless, he had been on edge yesterday, his nerves pulled tight, ready to tear at any moment; he had seemed so lost, had been suffering yesterday. He had been so damped, all smiles that hadn’t been fully lit. Today, Milton was back to being the radiant Milton Cedric knew. Barely knew, but still. And Cedric was relieved because of that.
“Exactly, Kristopher,” Milton said.
“What are you reading anyway?”
Milton held up his book. There was no title on the cover, and noticing his mistake, he turned the book to show Cedric the spine instead which held the author’s name and title in gold capital letters against a brown background. “Dombey and Son,” Milton said at the same time as Cedric read the title for himself.
“Ah, the Dickens novel the Lady still haven’t got around to re-read,” said Cedric. His eyes wandered to the bookmark sticking out of the novel. “Interesting. I thought you would be like her and simply memorise the page number.”
Milton put the book back on his lap. “I do memorise the page number as she does,” he told him. “Using a bookmark is an old habit. I like the reassurance and ease of one.”
Cedric nodded. “I see.”
“And speaking of Lady Cloudia,” Milton said, his eyes shining brightly in the light. “I don’t think you aren’t confident at all. However, you should try to be more confident when it comes to her.” He blushed and worried at his sleeves. Before Cedric could respond anything to his off-throwing words, Milton glanced at Cedric’s bag and clothes and asked, “Are you going somewhere too?”
Cedric blinked at him. “Uh, yes. I promised Jacques to hike through the woods with him today. To explore the area. He said that he would meet me here.”
“Through the woods?” Milton gazed at the forest around them before he turned back to Cedric, looking very concerned. “We wandered through it a few days ago. Please take care when you go there and always be alert.”
Cedric blinked at him. “Sure. I will take care.”
Despite the reassurance, the concerned look didn’t leave Milton’s face. It only did when he craned his head to the door the very moment Wentworth appeared there with a bag in his hand.
“Good morning, Your Grace,” he said, bowing his head to Cedric. Cedric returned the greeting, and Wentworth turned his attention to Milton who had stood up, book in hand. “I am all done, Master Milton. We can leave now.”
“Thanks, Bram,” Milton replied.
Wentworth walked to the carriage, placing the bag inside it, leaving the door open, and sitting down on the coachman’s seat.
“Wentworth will drive the carriage?” Cedric asked Milton. “Isn’t he a bit too old for this?”
“It may seem so, but I assure you, Kristopher, that Bram is still perfectly capable of driving a carriage,” Milton told him. “He is very fit for his age. And we do not want to inconvenience any servant here to bring us to Creil. It is such a long drive.” He looked over to his butler and then back at Cedric. “I must say goodbye now. We will see us again in a few days or a week, Kristopher. Good luck with your hike, and take care.”
Cedric nodded. “Goodbye and thanks, Milton. See you in a few days or a week, and take care of yourself too,” he said and then suddenly remembered Milton’s words in the kitchen. “I wish you all the best that you are fast enough for whatever you have to do.”
Milton’s eyes widened in surprise, though it lasted only a moment before his surprise was replaced by sadness. “Thank you, Kristopher,” he said, his voice heavy. “I’d give anything to ensure that I will be.”
Milton got into his carriage and closed the door. Cedric waved at him, and he waved back. Then, Wentworth set the carriage in motion, and Cedric watched them drive away and vanish from his sight. He kept looking after them even when they were long gone.
Sometime later, Jacques arrived, happily clutching the straps of his backpack and saying that they could now leave.
***
~Cloudia~
Cloudia woke up to the moon hanging bright and almost full above her. Denis had taken off the wagon’s roof, and she and Kamden had not bothered to find and put it back. Thankfully, it had been a good choice: After it had stormed all day, the rain had stopped before dinner. Since then, the clouds had vanished and never returned, and the sky was now clear and dark and full of stars. They could only hope that the clouds and the rain wouldn’t return later.
Gently, Kamden helped Cloudia to sit up. He had driven with special care, and Cloudia had been able to sleep soundly the entire drive. She still hadn’t got a lot of sleep; nonetheless, she felt energised and ready to go to Nanteuil-la-Forêt.
It was the same energy that had been filling me all night, that had not allowed me to sleep and brought me here.
“Have you slept well, Cloudie?” Kamden asked and softly kissed her head.
Cloudia smiled. He always did that when they slept and woke up in the same place or when he was there when she woke up. “I did. Thanks, Kam. I needed that extra bit of sleep.”
Kamden squeezed her hand. Then, they got out of the wagon, bound the horse to a tree, and left it there with some food before they headed towards the village.
“What do you plan to do in Nanteuil-la-Forêt?” Kamden wanted to know.
“It’s so early in the morning. I hope it is early enough that the murderer hasn’t struck yet,” said Cloudia. “Then, we could hide and patrol the village and make sure everyone stays in their homes and the killer cannot act – unless they’ve spontaneously decided to break into yet another house. We may even catch that pesky killer. Imagine if they hadn’t claimed another victim yet and we could catch them red-handed. A dream.”
He nodded.
“Of course, I doubt it will go that easy. Still, I hope at least nobody died this night yet.”
“It will be fine,” said Kamden and then hesitated to continue. “Unless the killer is a… a something.”
“Like allegedly in those killings from 1841?”
“Yes. Ever since I heard about those killings, I cannot stop thinking about them. It is such a terrible tale.” Kamden looked at the forest surrounding them. They were walking on the street that ran through it, divided the forest into two parts. In the darkness of the night, the trees that rose left and right to them seemed to have gained height; their branches and crowns seemed to bend and reach to one another, trying to close the gap between them and swallowing Kamden and Cloudia up in the process.
It was curious how the absence of light could distort a picture in such a way.
“Many of them happened in or around forests,” Kamden continued and shuddered.
Cloudia linked arms with him. “You know very well that there are no such things as ghosts or phantoms or monsters, Kam. The killings surely happened, but they must have been so horrifying that, in their minds, the survivors and those who knew about them turned the monstrous murderer into a true monster. It’s easier to imagine someone who does such atrocious deeds as something other than human than to accept that it was indeed a human like you and me who was capable of such bloodshed.”
Kamden took a deep breath. “You’re right, Cloudie. Of course, it couldn’t have been an actual phantom or ghost or shadow. Those men came to my bookstore only a few weeks ago: Their story is still fresh in my mind.”
She patted his arm. “When we are back home, I’ll help you research those killings. To get some closure for you and those men if we can find and contact them. And to get some closure for me too because I cannot believe that I’ve never heard of a crime of such calibre before.”
Kamden kissed her forehead. “Thanks, Cloudie.”
Cloudia smiled at him. “You’re welcome Kammie,” she said and then withdrew her arm from his and took his hand. “Come, we are wasting time; we need to hurry.”
Cloudia had hoped and wished that four o’clock would be early enough that the murderer hadn’t killed anyone yet and she would have the chance to apprehend them. However, when she and Kamden entered Nanteuil-la-Forêt and walked through the narrow streets, she noticed a commotion in the distance and her heart sank and anger rose in her. Cloudia hurried through the streets, following the voices. Kamden was close on her heels.
The voices led them to the cemetery which consisted of a small old stone building surrounded by gravestones in all shapes and sizes and framed by a stone wall.
How very kind of the murderer to kill their victim here.
Kamden and Cloudia entered the graveyard and saw Yvette talking to Alain Descombes and a man Cloudia had not seen before. Next to them laid a body covered in dirt. While Cloudia couldn’t understand their conversation as they were in the other end of the cemetery, she noticed Alain reaching out to Yvette, and Yvette immediately stepping back before he could touch her.
She and Kamden were only a few steps away from Alain, Yvette, and the unknown man when they finally noticed them and stopped talking. They turned to them, and Alain was the first to talk. “M Gauthier, M Fouille, what a pleasant surprise. You have come right on time.”
Cloudia glanced at the body to their feet. The victim was a boy around Gustave and Dominique’s age with dark hair. “I would not say that we have come right on time, M Descombes.”
“You are at least right on time to look into the next murder,” said Yvette and wrapped her arms around herself. Interestingly, she wore proper clothes and did not look like someone who was ripped from their sleep in the dead of night; Alain didn’t look like that either.
“Serge,” Yvette nodded to the unknown man, “just dug out Ruben and brought M Descombes and me here from the townhall.”
Serge stepped forward and held out his hand to Cloudia. “Serge Renou. I am the cemetery’s groundskeeper.”
Cloudia shook his hand. “Nice to meet you. I am Jean Gauthier, Détective Vidocq’s assistant, and this is my colleague Grégoire Fouille. You may have heard that we are currently investigating the murders that have occurred here in the last few days.”
Kamden bowed his head to Serge, and Serge nodded at him and then looked back at Cloudia. “I did hear about it,” Serge said. “You are not doing a particularly good job.”
Cloudia smiled. “Would you mind doing it for us then? With all the hindrances that were put on our way?”
Serge scowled, and she kept on smiling. Cloudia turned to Yvette and Alain. “Please tell me: Who was murdered this time? What happened?”
“Ruben Fournier was murdered,” Alain told her. “Despite the curfew, M Renou could not help himself but check on the cemetery.”
“I was at home and remembered that I had forgotten my wallet in the mausoleum because I put all my things there while I work outside,” Serge said. “It’s interesting what you remember at the most inconvenient of times. I couldn’t remember that I’d forgotten my wallet before the curfew or even shortly afterwards: No, I woke up from sleep, turned around, and while I tried to fall asleep again, I remembered that I left my wallet in the mausoleum.
“Anyway, I pondered over whether I should go and get it or not. I didn’t know if the stranger was not only a murderer but also a thief. And didn’t he break into the tailor shop? Did he steal anything? Well, at any rate, I did not want him to get my wallet. I didn’t want some killer to get away with my hard-earned money. That’s why I went out despite the curfew to get it. I got it and wanted to quickly inspect the graveyard. That’s when I noticed that a part of the plot had been dug over – and not even well.” Serge pointed at a messy man-sized hole only a metre away from where they were standing. “I spend my life making sure the cemetery looks good, and then someone comes and messes it up. I started grubbing at that place to find out why someone did anything to it and eventually found Ruben Fournier’s body. After the initial shock and some hysteria, I managed to pull myself together enough that I was able to go to the townhall and get M Descombes and Mlle Guilloux.” Serge gazed at the corpse. “I dug him out as carefully as I could, but he had neither been put in a coffin or casket nor even wrapped in a cloth before he was buried. I grubbed out a knife too. I laid it down next to him. He has a wound on the chest. Maybe he was stabbed and buried with it and the knife eventually came loose? I don’t know.”
Cloudia took a deep breath.
Ruben Fournier – I had heard this name before. He was Gustave Beaubois’ best friend. I had wanted to talk to him.
And now he was dead.
“Thank you,” Cloudia said. “At what time did you return home yesterday, M Renou?”
“At about ten o’clock,” Serge replied.
“And when did you come to the cemetery to get your wallet and noticed the dug-over area?”
He pondered a bit and then said, “I noticed I’d forgotten my wallet at about two-thirty. It took a while for me to decide to go and get it and then to walk here… so I arrived at the graveyard and noticed the dug-over area at about… three o’clock? It didn’t take me very long to dig out the body: It wasn’t buried very deeply. Just two or three metres. I was quite shocked by what I’ve found, so I stood by the body for a long time doing nothing before heading to the townhall… No idea how long I just stood here though.”
“M Descombes and I just arrived here,” said Yvette. “Only about ten minutes before you came, M Gauthier, M Fouille.”
Cloudia nodded. “And the curfew is ten o’clock, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“Did any of you see Ruben Fournier yesterday? If yes, do you remember at what time that was?”
“I haven’t seen him yesterday,” Alain replied.
“Me neither,” said Serge.
“I haven’t seen him as well,” Yvette said. “I was with you almost all day yesterday, and there weren’t many people outside in the heavy rain…”
“Very well. I have one more question,” Cloudia stated. “Mlle Guilloux, M Descombes, you look very prepared and awake despite the early hour. Could you please tell me why?”
“Yvette, M Guilloux, and I spent the night in the townhall,” Alain told her. “We stayed awake and ready for the next potential murder. When M Renou came to the townhall, Yvette and I went with him while M Guilloux stayed back – we thought that it would be better if someone remained at the townhall in case someone else needed our help.”
“I see.” Cloudia looked at Ruben’s dirt-covered corpse. “Please stay where you are standing right now. Grégoire and I will inspect the graveyard. Afterwards, we will carry Ruben Fournier’s body to the deadhouse to examine it.”
***
Serge and Alain had hurried to the hospital to get a stretcher. Now, Alain and Kamden were carrying Ruben’s corpse on it to the deadhouse, and Cloudia and Yvette followed them in silence. Serge had been dismissed and sent back home.
Kamden and Cloudia hadn’t found anything of note at the graveyard. The murderer’s footsteps had got mixed up with the footsteps of Yvette, Alain, and Serge. Even if they hadn’t been, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway: The ground had still been wet from the storm the day before, and no shoeprint had left any good marks. The culprit had most likely used a shovel that was kept in the mausoleum to grub the hole – the same shovel Serge had instinctively used to dig out Ruben. Again, there had been no sign of a fight. There also hadn’t been any sanding marks, meaning that Ruben had very likely been killed at the cemetery. What could he have done there?
The sky lightened up when they arrived at the hospital. The dark was streaked by light blue, by orange, by red, the night gradually rolling into sunset. As soon as they stepped into the hospital, Vivienne hurried to them. She guided Kamden and Alain to the deadhouse, unlocked the door for them. Together, Kamden and Alain transferred Ruben from the stretcher to a table.
“From here on, Grégoire and I won’t need your help anymore, for the time being, Mlle Guilloux, M Descombes,” said Cloudia. “You can return to the townhall – or, rather, return home to get some proper rest. We will seek you out again later.”
Alain and Yvette looked at each other. “All right, M Gauthier,” replied Alain.
Cloudia accompanied them to the exit, waved them goodbye. The sun had risen by now, bathed the sky in gold light. She closed the door when Yvette and Alain were out of sight. Cloudia headed to the deadhouse and when she was nearly by the stairs leading down to it, she spotted Corinne running upstairs with a tray in her hands. Corinne had been in a hurry yesterday too, and while nurses always fluttered through a hospital, Cloudia couldn’t help her curiosity and discreetly followed Corinne to the upper floor.
Downstairs, barely any rooms had been occupied; upstairs, none of them was – except for one in the far back. Corinne unlocked the door and vanished behind it. Cloudia frowned. On Corinne’s tray had been a glass of water and some medicine; she was delivering them to a patient, though what kind of patient had to be locked up?
Shelving this piece of information for later, Cloudia walked downstairs to the deadhouse before anyone saw her spying on Corinne.
Ruben Fournier, 18 years old. He was the eldest son of a blacksmith and the latest of the Nanteuil-la-Forêt murderer’s victims.
He was now lying on a table in the deadhouse, next to Nadia, Dominique, Gustave, and Marius.
Cloudia stared down at Ruben, at his pale face, the brown hair that stuck to his head, the eyes that would never open again. Vivienne and Kamden had cleaned him up a bit while Cloudia had brought Yvette and Alain to the door. On the way out, Yvette had told her a few things about Ruben: He had been Gustave’s best friend since they were little. They had been inseparable, and he had had a short temper and a tendency to get into trouble.
While Cloudia looked down at Ruben, Kamden got ready to examine the bodies. As soon as Cloudia had re-joined Kamden and Vivienne in the deadhouse, he had offered to fully examine Ruben – and do the internal examination for the other bodies. Since then, Vivienne had been dismissed with the task not to let in Laurent if he arrived, Kamden and Cloudia had put on aprons, and he was now preparing and arranging the tools.
“You don’t have to do everything now, Kam,” Cloudia said, not taking her eyes off Ruben’s corpse.
“It will be fine,” Kamden replied.
“We are talking about five bodies. And what time is it? Five-thirty?”
“It may be early, but I am not tired at all.” He took a deep breath. “I am positive that I can do this, and I am never that confident.”
“Lisa is not here.”
“While Miss Lisa may not be here, you are, Cloudie.”
“I can hardly replace Lisa in this matter. I am not trained in this, and I’ve only assisted you, watched you work four times before,” Cloudia reminded him, and Kamden walked to her and took her hand, squeezing it.
“Cloudie,” he said. “You may not be experienced in such work, but there is no one else more suitable to be my partner than you. We will be fine.”
Cloudia smiled at him. “You’re right, Kam.” She let go of him and put on some gloves. “Let’s do this then.”
***
With a sigh, Cloudia fell into a chair.
She and Kamden had worked for hours without pause. After externally examining Ruben, they had started to carefully cut open the bodies and take out the organs for inspection. They had quickly found their momentum, their tact and had been able to work swiftly, cutting open and examining one body before moving on to the next until they had finished inspecting and testing all five and returned the organs to where they belonged. It had taken a long time, but with the work done yesterday and the ease and quickness with which they had been able to work today, it hadn’t taken them as long as it usually would have.
And now, while Cloudia’s mind was tired, her body wasn’t.
My anger and frustration at this case must be keeping it running, must be pushing me to keep on.
Anger and frustration were boiling in me aplenty, mixed with curiosity and perplexity.
There was enough fuel in me, and I needed every drop of it.
Ruben’s stab wound had been the cause of his death. The knife was perfectly ordinary again. Again, there had been no signs that he had fought against his assailant.
Just like Nadia and Dominique and Gustave and Marius hadn’t fought back.
And just like them, Ruben hadn’t been drugged.
Cloudia discarded her bloodied gloves on a table and buried her hands in her pockets. She reached for the clover necklace in her right pocket and rubbed her thumb over it. They had tried to talk so often, their attempts had been foiled so often, and now, more than ever, Cloudia yearned to talk to Cedric. Cloudia contemplated reaching for the skull pendant necklace to contact him, but she didn’t know what Cedric was doing right now. Was he already awake? Was he going to the Clockmaker with Jacques? If he was currently heading to the Clockmaker, Cloudia didn’t want to bother him. It wasn’t an easy way, and Cedric had to look after Jacques. What if she distracted him and something happened in the woods?
She sighed and clenched her hand over the clover pendant.
Kamden finished his notes and then walked over to Cloudia, placing a kiss on her head.
Cloudia looked up at him and chuckled. “What’s with you today?”
“You… you ha-have been looking so crestfallen lately, Cloudie,” Kamden said. “And I wanted to cheer you up.”
Cloudia smiled at him and pulled him down to kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Kam.”
Kamden sat down on the ground in front of her. “Always, Cloudie.” He looked so strange right now: He was smiling and his eyes were gentle, but he had a bit of blood on his face and more on his apron, and he did not seem to mind this at all.
Cloudia took out a handkerchief and rubbed Kamden’s face clean. “I am always astonished how this does not faze you at all. Getting blood on you. Cutting open people.”
“They-they are already dead,” Kamden replied. “I do not mind handling the aftermath of murder.”
She shook her head and scrutinised his face to see if she had missed a spot. “You are supposed to be my normal brother.”
He smiled uneasily at her, and Cloudia put the handkerchief away. “I was surprised when you said you wanted to become Dr Alan’s apprentice when we were ten. You love your bookstore so much; you always said you didn’t want to do anything else.”
Kamden looked down at his stained apron. “I had assisted him a little in the years before – before I met you. Becoming his part-time apprentice seemed natural to me.”
“And I can understand that. But this?” Cloudia nodded at the covered bodies, pointed at his and her clothes. “In any other regard, you get so queasy, Kam. Yesterday, you were appalled when Lisa suggested that the murderer might have tried to crack open Marius’ skull like a tin.”
Kamden grimaced. “Do-don’t remind meee of that.”
“Sorry, Kam, but do you understand what I mean?”
“Yes, but…” He paused, weighted out how to continue, picking out the right words and arranging them neatly in his mind. One could always see the gears turning in Kamden’s head. “This-this is part of what Dr Alan is-is teaching me,” he eventually said. “Just another… another bit of knowledge, another skill. I guess I-I simply got used to it because of that?”
Cloudia nodded. “And this skill came in very handy.” She stood up and held her hand out to him. Kamden took it, and she pulled him up. “Come. Let’s discard the aprons, wash ourselves, and go interview Ruben’s family and Dominique’s friends.”
She was about to turn and let go of Kamden’s hand when he tightened his grip. Cloudia looked at him in bewilderment.
“You have barely slept, Cloudie,” he said. “We have been in Nanteuil-la-Forêt since four. Now, it is almost one o’clock. And we have been working without pause for the last hours. You cannot keep this going.”
Cloudia’s gaze softened. “I appreciate your concern, Kam, but, strangely enough, I am doing well. I feel full of energy and can keep on going for much longer. And I cannot go to sleep now: I have a case to solve and a murderer to find.”
Kamden’s eyes widened a little. “You… you aaare feeling strangely-strangely energised too?”
She blinked at him. “Yes. I suppose it’s because I am very eager to bring this case to an end, but if you are feeling oddly vitalised too…”
“Ex-exactly. We are sleep-deprived – you more than me. We-we haven’t eaten yet. We haaave been working without pause for… for hours. We should be exhausted.” Kamden squeezed her hand, and she squeezed his too. He had become shaky just now.
“I have no idea what is going on,” said Cloudia, unease welling in her chest. “I am only full of energy. Otherwise, I am fine. And you?”
“Me-me too.”
She nodded. “That’s good. Whatever is going on, I doubt it’s something bad. We are fineafter all. More than fine even. Of course, the question of why that is has to be explored and answered, but that can wait until later. Working on this case can’t.”
“Cloudie…”
“Kam, I promise that, weirdly vitalised or not, I will go to sleep as soon as we have spoken to Ruben’s family and Gaspard and Enzo and we’ve returned to the château. I promise to look into what has happened to us later when we have the time for it.”
Kamden mustered her face. “Very well, Cloudie. I will come with you and help.” He took a deep breath. “However, I-I want you to promise me something else too.”
“What is it?” Cloudia asked.
“That you will eat something before starting the interrogations.”
She smiled and pressed his hand. “I promise that we will eat something before starting the interrogations. And now come – we still have a lot to do.”
***
~Cedric~
A long lane ran through the forest like a vein. Château de Charbonneau was located close to the forest’s lane but was still well-hidden from sight. To get to Nanteuil-la-Forêt, one had to get to that lane and then follow it through the forest, leaving it behind and walking down the path now surrounded by fields, not trees until the village was reached. It was a simple straightforward way. It was uncomplicated and, if one was not driven by Denis, safe as well.
To get to the Clockmaker, one could not leave the forest or take that secure lane.
His workshop was somewhere in the opposite direction from Nanteuil-la-Forêt and hidden deep within the woods. No easy path led there.
How did this Clockmaker even get any customers? Did he get any at all? Who in their right minds would wander through a forest for hours and hours to purchase a clock, and why? To find out how many hours they had been hiking through the woods?
Had people not heard of pocket watches? Or were the Clockmaker’s works that good?
Jacques led the way, consulting a map he didn’t let Cedric see and looking around for clues and waymarkers. Cedric did not like it at all that this was Jacques’ first time visiting the Clockmaker. He disliked forests; the risk of getting lost in one and never finding your way out was too high. And although he could simply teleport himself out of one nowadays, Cedric could not help but feel uneasy while they walked through the woods – especially considering that Jacques’ presence meant that he couldn’t simply dematerialise out of the forest.
I would have to hit him unconscious first.
“Did the Marquis say how long it will take us to get to the Clockmaker?” Cedric asked and pushed a branch aside.
“Grand-père said it will take about six hours.”
Cedric stared at him. “Six hours? This has to be a joke.”
“He never jokes,” said Jacques matter-of-factly.
“Couldn’t he have told us sooner?!”
Jacques shrugged. “I guess he did not want to scare us away? I cannot speak for you, Your Grace, but it wouldn’t have scared me. This mission is very important to Claudette, and I am honoured to be part of it. I am very energised today and ready to handle this journey, no matter how long it will take. Also, Grand-père didn’t tell me how to get to the Clockmaker until earlier either – that’s why you had to wait for me.”
“It wouldn’t have scared me away either,” Cedric said. “However, I would have appreciated knowing how long we will have to walk so that I could have mentally prepared myself and bid my farewells to my legs.” He clapped on his legs. “Goodbye, my friends. We had some fun decades together.”
Jacques chuckled. “You are quite fun, Your Grace.”
“Please just call me ‘Kristopher.’ I can’t do this if you call me ‘You Grace’ for the next six –”
“Twelve. We have to go back too.”
“– twelve hours or so.”
Jacques nodded. “Very well. You are fun, Kristopher, though don’t think I’ve forgotten that my cousin nearly died because of you.”
“It was an accident,” said Cedric, exasperated. “And the Countess is perfectly capable of getting herself nearly killed on her own.”
“Still, I got my eye on you, Kristopher,” Jacques said. “And on the map and the trees and oh!” He crouched down and looked at some flowers with yellow blossoms. He took out a notebook and quickly scribbled something inside.
“I’m sorry, Kristopher!” he said and stood up, pocketing the notebook. “I want to write down some things to show my father.”
“It’s all right,” Cedric replied.
“Thank you for being so understanding, Kristopher. Of course, that still won’t get you on my good side.”
Cedric groaned. He would have rather endured twelve hours of “Your Grace, this and that” instead of being constantly reminded of what happened in Wales.
For a while, they wandered in silence. Jacques walked ahead, and Cedric followed obediently, dodging and pushing away branches, taking care not to walk into stinging nettle, jumping over rocks and large roots. Milton had urged him to take care and be alert in the forest. It was indeed not easy to hike through it, but it wasn’t more difficult or dangerous than going through any other forest.
It must be in Milton’s nature to worry about everything and everyone – even if there was no need to worry.
And thinking of his words of warning, I remembered something else Milton told me this morning: “I don’t think you aren’t confident at all. However, you should try to be more confident when it comes to her.”
Sometimes, I had no idea what he was talking about, but his words made me think of her. I wondered how she was doing and felt a blush creeping into my face. Fortunately, Jacques had his back to me.
Jacques was a few metres ahead of him, and Cedric was walking around a patch of mushrooms when a familiar feeling ran through his body. It was unmistakable, albeit faint. Cedric stopped and gazed around, his heart beating hard in his chest.
Of course, at least one of them would be in the area. People had been dying daily in Nanteuil-la-Forêt for almost a week. It would have been strange if none of them had shown up.
But Cedric hadn’t expected to find one here– in the forest, quite far away from the village.
He spotted her and her tent on a small glade in the far distance. Far enough that the feeling was very faint; far enough that he would not have noticed her if the feeling had not alerted him.
And Cedric hoped that, unlike him, she hadn’t noticed that there was one more Grim Reaper in the woods with her.
Especially considering that Jacques was walking straight in her direction.
11 notes • Posted 2021-09-05 16:55:00 GMT
#2
Malady 4 Updates
Doing this again haha.
(Thanks for belated birthday wishes, by the way^^)
I hit ~10.5k. Maybe I'll get to 11k today, but let's see. I wrote the last bits without looking at my notes or taking a closer look at what I'd written before and I just realised that the only "Cloudia" part I've finished so far is the final 1843 one (⊙_⊙;) (I really thought I had finished at least one more, I-) And there's still so much to go (I'm like what 40/45% (???) done??).
20 notes • Posted 2021-07-12 19:23:41 GMT
#1
31 notes • Posted 2021-04-11 13:06:10 GMT
Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →
#my 2021 tumblr year in review#other stuff#it's also nice to see that none of the snippets featured here have been completely thrown out ((so far) :)#also 8 of the 25 are for this arc^^
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Having been wowed by your fanfic ("wandering inside this night" holds a special place in my RO heart), I'm curious: what is your writing/editing process like?
Oh, thank you!
My writing process really varies depending on what I’m doing, but I can explain it in terms of wandering inside this night.
It’s long and rambly, so you can scroll down for a very concise tl;dr version of The Process.
1. Eureka!
I pretty much always start out with 1) a vague sense of something I want to write about, and I sort of mentally fish around until I land on an idea, or 2) an idea pops into my head, or 3) some combination of both.
The last two are the most common for me—I have more ideas than I could ever write. With wandering, it was definitely that way.
I was hollering into my tags about the Cassian-Leia parallels pretty early, which … Jyn-Han is obvious, but I felt like the Cassian-Leia ones went relatively unnoticed but were probably more profound. And as spies in the ragtag ANH-era Rebellion, it’s more than possible that they’d know each other; I’d made babbling posts, but I really wanted to do something with it. So I sketched out a backstory in until the last chance is spent, but I still wanted more, and also to get into Han-Jyn at the same time, and also just—have something fun! And suddenly (I was actually at a Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert, lol) the idea popped into my head of jumping to the Han/Leia meltdown of 1980 with established relationship Jyn/Cassian.
2. Percolation
This is particularly important for longer fic (or any long-form writing, really), but it helps with shorter things, too. It’s where you’re not actively working to figure out details or more ideas, much less writing, just passively letting your mind wander. It’s best if you’re actually doing something else—something that doesn’t take much attention, but enough that you can’t completely focus on your thoughts, like showering or washing dishes or something.
When something does come to mind, I scribble it down (or stick it in a doc in some form that will hopefully make sense to me later). Sometimes it’ll be scraps of dialogue, or a phrase I want to make sure gets in somewhere, or a plot-point, just anything that pops up. Ideally, though, I don’t write anything beyond that—just note down anything I might forget and let my ideas develop freely.
Normally, I’d only do so much of that with something like wandering (fairly short, fairly light). But I ended up snowed in with my extended family, where I was both bored and unable to sit down and write. So I’m sitting there entertaining myself by imagining Jyn and Han, drinking buddies, and how that’d work with the Cassian-Leia brotp of ruthless idealism (Han would be jealous!), and just having that percolating in my head while I read fic and let stray thoughts pass through my mind. (‘Okay but Cassian would fucking hate Han’ being uppermost among them, lol)
3. Brainstorming/Outline
At this point, I try to pin down the free-floating ideas and/or organize what scraps I have into something coherent. With something longer, like ad astra, I generally do a pretty traditional outline—decide what the story is specifically going to cover, and where the things I’ve actually written fit with that, and what’s going to go in the spaces between.
It’s not classroom-style brainstorming; I usually brainstorm ideas by trying to put together an outline. I’ll be “okay, I want to start with something like that shot of Jyn on the platform with an Imperial ship at the end, but it’s Bodhi” and “they get sucked into the Death Star and Jyn exploits Cassian’s injuries to get in” and then I sit down and figure out how I’m going to get from one to the other. “Okay, so—there’s no way they can actually get Kaytoo, but maybe something—yeah, she just up and grabs his dismembered head l o l, okay, and there’s the jump into the ship which rattles Cassian further, and she’d try to treat him with whatever supplies are available, and we’d have Bodhi trying to get out without being shot down, and maybe I can work in the your father would have been proud of you line, and Jyn goes to check on Bodhi and they see the Death Star and…”
Also, it helps a ton to actually talk ideas over with someone else. With me, it’s generally @steinbecks—not some strict ‘this, then this, then this, tell me what you think’, but ‘I had this idea’ and ‘OK BUT IMAGINE IF’ and ‘haha yeah exactly’ and ‘shit you’re right they do change outfits’ etc.
4) Drafting (The Big One)
Ideally, I only get to this after nailing down an outline or at least getting a lot figured out in chats/notes to myself. That’s what I did for pretty much all my most successful longfics—First Impressions (f!Darcy/m!Elizabeth), Season of Courtship (Darcy and Elizabeth’s engagement), we get dark, only to shine (AU of The Borgias that moves the canon pairing getting together from S3 to S1), and now ad astra. It helps a TON if you have trouble with discipline and direction, as I do, because you can always go back to it and figure out where you need to be headed when you’re muddled/uninspired, even if some details change along the way. (They always do, for me.)
I did some of that with wandering, but … I was snowed-in, lol, and finally everyone had gone to sleep and my head was full of ideas. So I laid down with my laptop and just dove right in with the only clear line I had in mind:
Han Solo once had apleasant conversation with Cassian Andor.
Just once.
That was where I planned it to begin! The actual beginning came later, because I very quickly ran into a problem—the sentence worked to jump into exposition, not an actual scene. And with the exposition, I needed to introduce 1) Cassian’s hatred of Han, 2) Han’s lesser but firm dislike, 3) Cassian and Leia’s history together as spies, 4) Han’s brief and half-hearted attempt to suck up, 5) Jyn and Cassian being married, 6) Han’s friendship with Jyn, 7) Han’s jealousy as contrasted to Cassian and Jyn’s mutual trust, etc. Yikes.
So I kept getting mired down in explanations and flashbacks (I actually wrote the scene where Jyn drunkenly complains about finding something for Cassian’s birthday, lol) that slowed it down. And I wasn’t really happy with anything—I constantly niggled at sentences and moved things around and rephrased and it just didn’t work right. I actually have the document I worked in (I didn’t have Internet at the time), so you can see this sort of intermediate stage:
I niggled with it for the rest of the vacation, then it hit me that the issue was that starting a fic with exposition was the real problem. Starting with ESB-era Han just being ESB-era Han could let me work the exposition section in, and without the pressure of it being the opening section I could keep it to a tangential aside and move the jealousy around and so forth. And from there I could just leap to the canon scene with bonus Cassian-Leia shared indignation, and impulsively I added Kaytoo at the end.
Moral of the story: if you keep trying to make something work and it just won’t, there’s probably something deeper going on. Take a step back and figure out why it’s not working, and often you’ll be able to correct course. Once I tacked in that little ‘Han sulks’ section at the beginning, it all fell together easily.
5) Revising!
You can probably guess from #4 that I do a lot of this as I write rather than after I write. That’s true, to an extent.
It can be a very … I wouldn’t say discouraging, but sluggish way to write, because you end up struggling over phrases you might not even keep in the end. I genuinely think it’s best to at least try to restrain the impulse to polish everything, but at the same time, there are some of us who genuinely can’t keep going if the current section isn’t working (again, see #4!). So I allow myself a certain amount of freedom in polishing-as-I-go, while restraining the impulse to do anything more substantial. The single best way of doing this is sprinting—writing in short, timed bursts with little to no editing, ideally with a partner that you check in with. (Again, I generally do this with @steinbecks.)
However, even if you edit as you go and turn out pretty clean drafts, you should still revise at the end. What I generally do is, first of all, just quickly re-read. The writing process is a lot slower than the reading one, and it’s easy to get so focused on particular passages or sections that you lose sight of how it’s working as a whole. So that quick read-through is a way to back up and see how it’s holding together. It’s best if you give yourself a break before you do this—a day or two at least, to get your mind out of the writing mode and look at it with relatively fresh eyes.
(I will say that I almost never wait. But I do pretty much always end up editing chapters yet again in the first couple of days after I’ve posted them. Sometimes it’s contuinity, sometimes a passage that isn’t working quite the way I thought, whatever. There’s always something. It’s why the chapters I post at Dreamwidth are generally cleaner than the ones at Tumblr, which are cleaner than the first versions posted at AO3.)
However you do that read-through, the most important for me is the next one. At this point, I read the whole fic/chapter/essay/whatever from start to finish—out loud. In fact, if it’s possible, I’ll do a full-on dramatic reading. By reading aloud, you can catch things like typos that your mind silently corrects for your eyes, but also it’s easier to notice sentence-level problems like repeated words/phrases and unvaried sentence structure. If something makes me cringe when I read it aloud, I cut it or rewrite. If saying it aloud makes it sound wrong for the character, it probably is wrong for the character. Sometimes I do the dramatic reading revision two or three times.
And then I either post or print!
The short version:
1) I get an idea, 2) I let the ideas develop without thinking too hard about them, 3) I nail down and think up specific ideas, mostly through chat and/or outlines, 4) I plow through a draft, rearranging/adding material if things just aren’t working, and 5) I revise, once with a quick re-read of the whole thing, and then again by slowly reading it aloud to myself to catch problems with (primarily) mechanics, voice, and word choice.
#faithfullyfalse#respuestas#nice things people say to me#fic talk#esb au#words about words#thank you for this!#in my other life i've taught writing so this was like SING THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE
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June Loves
June Loves is a well-respected author who has written over 100 books, including non-fiction and fiction for children, reference books and academic publications, over the past 20 years. June’s combined career as a newspaper journalist, freelance writer, teacher-librarian and bookseller enable her to empathise, comfort and keep young and old writers on track.
She is a mother of four and grandmother of 11 grandchildren and two great grandchildren, all of whom delight in spending time with her. She lives in coastal Victoria with her husband.
She lives near the beach in Victoria, Australia with her husband. Her latest books are The Shelly Beach Writers' Group and Modern Grandparenting.
Where have I been & what have I been writing lately?
Nearly three years ago I fell down Alice’s rabbit holeand started following signs – Tell Your Story. This Way!I’ve taken lots of detours. Thankfully I can see a light at the end of the tunnel!
Detours
I detoured to assist writers to tell their story via email Q&A’s, I’vepresentednumerous workshops and talks at the U3A, community centres and libraries – even on a cruise ship (which stopped me jumping overboard!)And I’ve completed my book
How to Tell Your Story A-Z. I’ve also been filing through memories to write my complicated memoir.(‘Unfinished!’)
Remembering 1950’s Rural school teaching I’ve been writing a fake tell-all memoir –Miss Abigail Peabody.
(A Mostly True Memoir) (Unfinished!)
Now I can assure fellow writers the process of writing a memoir or an autobiography(your life from cradle to grave) is hard work and it will become your passion.
Many prime ministers and famous celebs dash off auto bio 700-page tomes. Lesser mortals will feel good (or bad) writing their memoirs. A memoir being parts or events of a lifeis doable!
Where to start?
It’s easy to start. Well relatively easy. You have the plot, characters and setting. You can begin at any place but be prepared. It takes a mammoth effort to work through the difficult, seemingly boring bits to the last page.Then you need to take a deep breath. Get ready to revise, rewrite and edit.It will be worth it!
I believe I’ve nailed the essentials you need to ‘Tell Your Story’ in my (Five Steps? or Ten Top Tips?)
PS: If you’re cashed up you can employ a Publishing Consultant, Ghostwriter, editor/s, or a biographer to assist you in writing your story. (Caution: This couldbe easier or more difficult than writing your story!)
PPS: Leave out writing that could be construed as libel – writing that could be injurious to others. It’s not so much a case of black or white but of the greys between.However it’s your story. If you decide to leavedodgy content in – your story could become a brilliant best-seller novel!Woo Hoo!
Three books: bios or memoirs that have influenced me.
1. Storyteller. The Life of Roald Dahl by Donald Sturrock.
Roald Dahl is my favourite children’s author.Reading his stories kept children sitting on the mat during storytime in my library. Storytelleris a masterly biography and an example of how to include private papers, references and other end-page info in a book.
2. I Remember Nothing And Other Reflections by Nora Ephron.
This book is hilarious musings on ageing by the writer of the New York Times bestseller Heartburn,and writer and director of the brilliantscreenplays When Harry Met Sally, Silkwood and Sleepless in Seattle.
(I poached Nora Ephron’s structure of including recipes from her title Heartburnand used in my children’s novel One Wild Week With My Grandmother.)
3. Thinking About Memoir by Abigail Thomas.
This book is a perfectly designed, usefulhandbook. I purchased it 15 years ago according to the bookshop tag and it’sbeen hidden in my bookshelf before I thought of writing my memoir. I love Abigail Thomas’s quote, ‘Memoir is the story of how we got here from there.’
What purchase of $100 has impacted on your life in the last six months?
Last week I purchased a pack of Artline 220 Super Fine 0.2mm Fine Line Black pens and I ordered 10 Chunky notebooks online. Both purchases added up to about $100. My comforting purchases are stacked in a cupboard. Now I have a supply of pens and notebooks to record ideas, characters, plots & dialogue – and I’ll be able to capture that best-selling 3am idea!
How has failure set you up for later success?
I believe if you enjoy writing the only way a writer can fail is to give up. And it helps to have a skin like a salt-water crocodile to cope with rejections. Writers have to accept that rejection will be part and parcel of the professional writing process if you want to publish your writing.
Don’t bin or delete a rejection straight away. Sometimes an agent or editor will write encouraging and helpful comments. They may even say they’re interested in reading your work again – if you do a ‘rewrite’.
It’s up to you.
I’ve known editors, agents or publishers to change their mind. They ask to see your work again and they accept your submission after they’ve rejected it!
Rejection can have positive as well as negative outcomes. On the positive side, rejection can inspire you to improve your writing skills.
You can re-evaluate your writing after a rejection – rewrite or stand by what you’ve written.
If you self-publish you don’t have to worry about rejections. Then again online reviews can be dodgy and hurtful. And you’ll probably feel rejected if sales numbers are low.
Do a little war dance and start writing again!
Are there any quotes you live your life by?
When I was a 15-year old and found myself a job as a Lois Lane reporter in a newspaper my grandmother’s advise was to ‘Work Hard! Work as hard as you can!
Be polite and smile!’ This has proved excellent advise in my 25-year career as a teacher librarian, and 24 years as a working writer.
What is the best writing resource investment you’ve made?
My second-hand clunky Remington Rand typewriter I purchased when I was 15. I paid it off in instalments. Then came the Apple computers I purchased (and have loved) beginning in the 80s.
What’s an unusual habit you have?
In winter when I spend long hours at the computer I wear a woolly, faded blue dressing gown over my clothes. I enjoy the startled looks of visitors when they think they’ve disturbed a sick old lady – not knowing this old writer has been living the most exciting life typing chapter after chapter of her scandalous novel.
What advice would you give to a smart, driven, aspiring author?
Make sure you use a correct chair, and your writing space is arranged ergonomically.
Keep a glass of water on your desk. Be organised. Plan daily blocks of time within your week or a set amount of time over a week. Develop a routine.
Don’t wait for the ‘muse’ or for inspiration. Just write! Set yourself writing goals for each writing session. Aim for a word count goal of 500 to 1,000, a set number of hours, or a specific number of scenes. Work to deadlines. File or basket your work so you can locate it at a minute’s notice. (Good practice in working with editors!)
Keep learning your writer’s craft across new media. Appreciate your imagination. It’s a writer’s gift.
In the last five years how have you become better at saying ‘No’?
I’ve finally learnt ‘The Gracious No’ Reply. This is an excellent excuse for writers who are desperate to find time to write. ‘The Gracious No’ conversation can go like this. ‘Are you free to meet tomorrow?’ A writer’s reply, ‘Just let me check my diary.’
Then after the writer checks they’re diary. ‘Sorry I’d love to meet with you but I have to take the goldfish to the vet.’ Fortunately the goldfish recovers! And the writer has time to write.
What marketing tactics should authors avoid?
I haven’t a clue. Obviously dodgy social media but I’m rubbish at marketing. However I’ve made a list of DIY Marketing Tips I intend to follow to market my two novels – The Governess, and The Secret Memoir of Abigail Peabody, and my latest non-fiction How-2 Write Your Life Story A-Z: Everything U Need 2 Know
• Don’t underestimate the value of word-of-mouth advertising. Think locally… contact newspapers, radio & TV stations, bookshops, libraries, and local markets to promote your book.
• Select the pricing of your book with care. You need to check similar books and decide whether to match, undercut, ignore their pricing and/or offer free copies for a certain time.
• Make yourself available for photo shoots, interviews and to write promotional pieces about your book.
• Use marketing tools such as: posters, reviews, interviews, media appearances, podcasts and social media.
• Write short form copy e.g. sound bites, tweets, taglines and headlines to market your life story. Be prepared to describe your memoir in 140 characters or less. Have a list of snappy phrases and sound bites ready-to-go.
• Submit your life story for competitions and to be reviewed.
What new realisation helped you achieve your goals?
Just recently three of my writerly friends have passed away leaving unfinished novels on their desks. I decided I wasn’t going to die with two unfinished novels and a How-2 trapped inside me so I completed my projects. They’re in typescript stacks on my desk and in folders on my computer.
Now I can start writing short story! A definitely shorter project! Or Essays!
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed and lose focus?
I divide a writing project into doable steps – words, pages, chapters? Even volumes!
(I’ve spent two years of my life writing the multi-volume The Macmillan Illustrated Encyclopedia, (First and Second Editions). I enjoyed working through volume after volume. When each volume was completed I took it to the publisher.
I give myself a ‘cushion deadline’ – an easy, or an earlier deadline if I have a professional deadline to meet. (You never know when you have to take the cat to the vet!)
I don’t beat myself up if I have a Bad-writing day, week or months. I accept King-hits from life events. You have to start again. Set yourself a new goal, and a new cushion deadline.
________
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One Canadian's View on Trump Part 2 - [
Hello Again.
I want to first thank everyone who took the time to respond to my last post (Part 1) with their opinions and a few posting tips.
Just to preface my 2nd installment I would like to say first that I had initially planned to present my thoughts in a somewhat orderly and sequential way, in other words a chronological account of how my opinions on Trump evolved over time. However, the Trump saga is unfolding at such an astonishing pace these days that's it's hard to avoid jumping around a bit in the presentation of my thesis.
Secondly, although I have written countless papers while at University which required proper bibliographies and the referencing of sources, for the purposes of this essay I don’t feel this necessary. The quotes, tweets, news items etc that I refer to are all easily verifiable, with most being available on YouTube. I am presenting the opinions of one fairly average, ordinary Canadian(I think); obviously this is not a formal, fully researched political science paper.
Please excuse grammatical errors and spelling mistakes as I have no time to edit. I really shouldn’t even be devoting my limited free-time to writing this, but feel that the situation is dire and therefore I am compelled to express myself and add my voice to the mix. My hope is that many Americans may be interested in, and perhaps benefit from the observations of one of your neighbours to the North. And of course the consequences of this man’s actions greatly affect Canadians as well.
Who are these people in Trump’s base? The people cheering at his rallies. The people parroting his cries of “fake news”. I understand why people might have felt they were let down by previous administrations, left feeling disenfranchised and wanting a change. I understand why Trump’s heavy-handed policies and forceful campaigning style appealed to a large part of the country, and worked in defeating Hillary.
But that was then and this is now. It completely mystifies how anyone could possibly support this man after what we have witnessed for the past eight months! It should have nothing to do with one’s ideology at this point; not an issue of whether one is a Republican or a Democrat, a Progressive or a Conservative.
My disbelief is because it is blatantly obvious that Trump has proven on an almost daily basis that he is a pathological liar with an extremely distorted perception of reality. This plus his erratic behavior, inability to accept criticism, inability to take responsibility for (or even admit) any failure, constant obsessive/compulsive tendencies lead me to believe that he is quite likely mentally ill. I don’t care who you are...is this the type of person you want leading your country? Do you not see how he has so greatly diminished the office of the president, and by extension diminished your whole nation even if you agree with his extreme ideology? What kind of country is it that you want? What kind of world?
Canada is a peaceful nation. Like the U.S. we value above all liberty and the right to pursue happiness...but we seem to value peace much more than Americans, on both a national and individual level. I get it...you have the responsibility of being the world’s police, (and as with most police agencies there are often abuses of power), but I’m also referring to our more fundamental, individual peace-loving nature.
As a Canadian I have been exposed to American culture all of my life...movies, TV etc. and have travelled through the U.S. many times, and it seems clear to me that Americans are always ready to fight, much more so than Canadians. I’ve seen it countless times ...the very quick escalation to violence, from seemingly little provocation.
I remember when I was in university I drove to New York City for a few days with a roommate. After a very long drive we arrived a night and decided to stop at a bar in Manhattan for a beer. We loved the real New York feel of the place...the type of bar that Archie Bunker would have drank at. Before we had finished our beer an argument broke out between a patron and the guy running the place. It got pretty loud, and the guy in the bar finally left, yelling that he was going home to get his gun, and would be back! We were freaked out and got out of there quick.
I remember too growing up watching Irv Weinstein doing the Buffalo local newscast every day, as this was prior to the advent of cable TV, and ABC out of Buffalo was one of the few channels available. We used to laugh in disbelief, calling it the Buffalo fire and murder report. That’s basically all that this newscast was...daily coverage of fires and murders!! And I don’t mean a re-telling, I mean new fires, and new murders(plural!!) every day!! Understand that by comparison Toronto is a city of over 3 million, and it averages one murder per week...and those are big news! Even the stereotype of Canadians that I see expressed in the American media as well as here, includes the trait of being overly polite, forever apologizing. We are definitely not a nation of Rambos.
The world we build around us is an expression of what’s going on inside us, and these expressions of our collective internal state are apparent not just in our art, but in many places including our leadership. That is the theory right?...that our leaders speak as the voice, and carry out the will of the collective. So it doesn’t surprise me that the angry, disenfranchised part of the U.S. population elected a brutish, bellicose leader. By contrast, here in Canada where we all get along quite well, embrace diversity, have few guns, and where issues can be debated civilly, (and btw we can smoke pot)...our leader is Trudeau. Whatever you may think of his politics, he is a decent intelligent man (and btw seems to be loved around the world).
The problem, and cause for my utter dismay is that the truth has been laid out clearly for the whole world to see...that Trump has nothing to bring to the office but the bluster. And after eight months of lies and self-contradictions even the bluster is losing effect. His rhetoric is not being backed up with clear ideology and leadership, and so like the boy that cried “wolf” it seems that people are starting to disregard his message.
Well here we are...faced with the scenario we all feared, and just 8 months in. A world crisis, probably the worst that anyone younger than 55 has ever known, and it’s being handled by a moron. Instead of an intelligent, well-studied leader who understands the complexities of the situation and the importance of choosing his words wisely, we have instead a hot-headed ignoramus in a pissing match with a lunatic(you decide who is who).
I have gone back and watched countless videos of Trump speeches and interviews, and realize that there is no indication that he has ever understood anything but the most fundamental points of any issue. None. Let’s face it...the man is an idiot. He is nothing but a self-promoter, a loudmouth who figured out how to draw media attention and use it to his advantage. That’s it as far as I can see. Even his business acumen is suspect, and I would wager that Mueller’s look into his ill-gotten gains will reveal a net worth far less than he has stated.
So now, 8 months in, he is the one that the world is depending on the steer us clear of disaster. A man who needs the details of the developing catastrophe kept to less than one page, with bullet-points and pictures. He cannot possibly appreciate the intricacies of this complex situation. His wreckless “fire and fury”comments to the press yesterday were just downright stupid, and highlight his ineptitude and incapacity for diplomacy. He only had one or two sentences to get out, and even still he blew it again!! Most thinking is that he went off script by adding the tag “than the world has ever seen”...one of his standard catch-phrases that he has used many times.
Even his language was so characteristically moronic. After warning the N Koreans that any further threats would be met with “fire and fury”, he repeated himself but this time adding three words to his comment... “threats would be met with fire and fury and frankly power”, as though he thought it would add clarity or might to his statement.
I am also reminded of one of Trump’s many hundreds of inappropriate or wreckless comments which rings rather poignant today, and again highlights the need for careful, accurate language especially when it is going on record, and especially when spoken by someone in power. Not long ago Trump made the comment that nukes are made for a reason...to be used!
It’s now several hours after writing the last few paragraphs, and it’s been confirmed that Trump improvised his “fire and fury” ultimatum. I knew it had to be. Now please tell me, is he the only person on this planet that doesn’t realize the importance of delivering a clear, carefully constructed and well deliberated message in a situation this sensitive! How dare he speak so impulsively! But then again that’s how he responds to any threat or criticism; bullying is all he knows, and all he’s got since he doesn’t have the brain-power to compete with the big boys. He is not fit to deal with this situation, or the presidency in general.
It’s now Friday 2:30 am. I would like to keep typing, fueled by my outrage at this man and the cadre of dunces that he brings with him. There is so much more to say, but many much more eloquent than me are saying similar things. Here you can hear Lawrence O’Donnell et. al. say it so well... https://youtu.be/7ZNqCRd9ke0 .
It seems almost futile at this point...certainly from this side of our border. Take to the streets!...your country has a great history of protest. Somehow this man (as well as the fascist alt-right movement) must be stopped from steering the world away from a path of progress and healing. We are now a global community, and unless competition and warring is replaced with a world mindset of co-operation, we are doomed.
I find myself feeling something that is quite foreign to me, and a feeling that I don’t like within me...that of hatred. Every time I see that mealy-mouthed creep lying so easily, knowing that he is jeopardizing my children’s future, my blood boils.
To his base I would say this...
Two important things that I have learned in my life are:
1) that when 10 or 20 people are saying one thing, and I am saying another...I am probably wrong as much as I would like it to be otherwise. That fact is that Trump is strongly disapproved of around the whole world and by the majority of Americans. There must be a reason for that! Please understand that the countless millions who see him as a failure (the overwhelming majority of the planet) should tell you that you cannot be seeing things clearly. I understand that it is hard for any of us to admit that we were wrong, but here the stakes are critically high!...and 2) I would rather have peace than be right!!
That’s all for now. If a couple of nukes hit, come up to Canada...we take in lots of refugees. Just please...leave your guns at home.
Sean
]
#MarchAgainstTrump#March Against Trump#Against Trump#Donald Trump#President#One Canadian's View on T
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One Canadian's View on Trump Part 2 - [
Hello Again.
I want to first thank everyone who took the time to respond to my last post (Part 1) with their opinions and a few posting tips.
Just to preface my 2nd installment I would like to say first that I had initially planned to present my thoughts in a somewhat orderly and sequential way, in other words a chronological account of how my opinions on Trump evolved over time. However, the Trump saga is unfolding at such an astonishing pace these days that's it's hard to avoid jumping around a bit in the presentation of my thesis.
Secondly, although I have written countless papers while at University which required proper bibliographies and the referencing of sources, for the purposes of this essay I don’t feel this necessary. The quotes, tweets, news items etc that I refer to are all easily verifiable, with most being available on YouTube. I am presenting the opinions of one fairly average, ordinary Canadian(I think); obviously this is not a formal, fully researched political science paper.
Please excuse grammatical errors and spelling mistakes as I have no time to edit. I really shouldn’t even be devoting my limited free-time to writing this, but feel that the situation is dire and therefore I am compelled to express myself and add my voice to the mix. My hope is that many Americans may be interested in, and perhaps benefit from the observations of one of your neighbours to the North. And of course the consequences of this man’s actions greatly affect Canadians as well.
Who are these people in Trump’s base? The people cheering at his rallies. The people parroting his cries of “fake news”. I understand why people might have felt they were let down by previous administrations, left feeling disenfranchised and wanting a change. I understand why Trump’s heavy-handed policies and forceful campaigning style appealed to a large part of the country, and worked in defeating Hillary.
But that was then and this is now. It completely mystifies how anyone could possibly support this man after what we have witnessed for the past eight months! It should have nothing to do with one’s ideology at this point; not an issue of whether one is a Republican or a Democrat, a Progressive or a Conservative.
My disbelief is because it is blatantly obvious that Trump has proven on an almost daily basis that he is a pathological liar with an extremely distorted perception of reality. This plus his erratic behavior, inability to accept criticism, inability to take responsibility for (or even admit) any failure, constant obsessive/compulsive tendencies lead me to believe that he is quite likely mentally ill. I don’t care who you are...is this the type of person you want leading your country? Do you not see how he has so greatly diminished the office of the president, and by extension diminished your whole nation even if you agree with his extreme ideology? What kind of country is it that you want? What kind of world?
Canada is a peaceful nation. Like the U.S. we value above all liberty and the right to pursue happiness...but we seem to value peace much more than Americans, on both a national and individual level. I get it...you have the responsibility of being the world’s police, (and as with most police agencies there are often abuses of power), but I’m also referring to our more fundamental, individual peace-loving nature.
As a Canadian I have been exposed to American culture all of my life...movies, TV etc. and have travelled through the U.S. many times, and it seems clear to me that Americans are always ready to fight, much more so than Canadians. I’ve seen it countless times ...the very quick escalation to violence, from seemingly little provocation.
I remember when I was in university I drove to New York City for a few days with a roommate. After a very long drive we arrived a night and decided to stop at a bar in Manhattan for a beer. We loved the real New York feel of the place...the type of bar that Archie Bunker would have drank at. Before we had finished our beer an argument broke out between a patron and the guy running the place. It got pretty loud, and the guy in the bar finally left, yelling that he was going home to get his gun, and would be back! We were freaked out and got out of there quick.
I remember too growing up watching Irv Weinstein doing the Buffalo local newscast every day, as this was prior to the advent of cable TV, and ABC out of Buffalo was one of the few channels available. We used to laugh in disbelief, calling it the Buffalo fire and murder report. That’s basically all that this newscast was...daily coverage of fires and murders!! And I don’t mean a re-telling, I mean new fires, and new murders(plural!!) every day!! Understand that by comparison Toronto is a city of over 3 million, and it averages one murder per week...and those are big news! Even the stereotype of Canadians that I see expressed in the American media as well as here, includes the trait of being overly polite, forever apologizing. We are definitely not a nation of Rambos.
The world we build around us is an expression of what’s going on inside us, and these expressions of our collective internal state are apparent not just in our art, but in many places including our leadership. That is the theory right?...that our leaders speak as the voice, and carry out the will of the collective. So it doesn’t surprise me that the angry, disenfranchised part of the U.S. population elected a brutish, bellicose leader. By contrast, here in Canada where we all get along quite well, embrace diversity, have few guns, and where issues can be debated civilly, (and btw we can smoke pot)...our leader is Trudeau. Whatever you may think of his politics, he is a decent intelligent man (and btw seems to be loved around the world).
The problem, and cause for my utter dismay is that the truth has been laid out clearly for the whole world to see...that Trump has nothing to bring to the office but the bluster. And after eight months of lies and self-contradictions even the bluster is losing effect. His rhetoric is not being backed up with clear ideology and leadership, and so like the boy that cried “wolf” it seems that people are starting to disregard his message.
Well here we are...faced with the scenario we all feared, and just 8 months in. A world crisis, probably the worst that anyone younger than 55 has ever known, and it’s being handled by a moron. Instead of an intelligent, well-studied leader who understands the complexities of the situation and the importance of choosing his words wisely, we have instead a hot-headed ignoramus in a pissing match with a lunatic(you decide who is who).
I have gone back and watched countless videos of Trump speeches and interviews, and realize that there is no indication that he has ever understood anything but the most fundamental points of any issue. None. Let’s face it...the man is an idiot. He is nothing but a self-promoter, a loudmouth who figured out how to draw media attention and use it to his advantage. That’s it as far as I can see. Even his business acumen is suspect, and I would wager that Mueller’s look into his ill-gotten gains will reveal a net worth far less than he has stated.
So now, 8 months in, he is the one that the world is depending on the steer us clear of disaster. A man who needs the details of the developing catastrophe kept to less than one page, with bullet-points and pictures. He cannot possibly appreciate the intricacies of this complex situation. His wreckless “fire and fury”comments to the press yesterday were just downright stupid, and highlight his ineptitude and incapacity for diplomacy. He only had one or two sentences to get out, and even still he blew it again!! Most thinking is that he went off script by adding the tag “than the world has ever seen”...one of his standard catch-phrases that he has used many times.
Even his language was so characteristically moronic. After warning the N Koreans that any further threats would be met with “fire and fury”, he repeated himself but this time adding three words to his comment... “threats would be met with fire and fury and frankly power”, as though he thought it would add clarity or might to his statement.
I am also reminded of one of Trump’s many hundreds of inappropriate or wreckless comments which rings rather poignant today, and again highlights the need for careful, accurate language especially when it is going on record, and especially when spoken by someone in power. Not long ago Trump made the comment that nukes are made for a reason...to be used!
It’s now several hours after writing the last few paragraphs, and it’s been confirmed that Trump improvised his “fire and fury” ultimatum. I knew it had to be. Now please tell me, is he the only person on this planet that doesn’t realize the importance of delivering a clear, carefully constructed and well deliberated message in a situation this sensitive! How dare he speak so impulsively! But then again that’s how he responds to any threat or criticism; bullying is all he knows, and all he’s got since he doesn’t have the brain-power to compete with the big boys. He is not fit to deal with this situation, or the presidency in general.
It’s now Friday 2:30 am. I would like to keep typing, fueled by my outrage at this man and the cadre of dunces that he brings with him. There is so much more to say, but many much more eloquent than me are saying similar things. Here you can hear Lawrence O’Donnell et. al. say it so well... https://youtu.be/7ZNqCRd9ke0 .
It seems almost futile at this point...certainly from this side of our border. Take to the streets!...your country has a great history of protest. Somehow this man (as well as the fascist alt-right movement) must be stopped from steering the world away from a path of progress and healing. We are now a global community, and unless competition and warring is replaced with a world mindset of co-operation, we are doomed.
I find myself feeling something that is quite foreign to me, and a feeling that I don’t like within me...that of hatred. Every time I see that mealy-mouthed creep lying so easily, knowing that he is jeopardizing my children’s future, my blood boils.
To his base I would say this...
Two important things that I have learned in my life are:
1) that when 10 or 20 people are saying one thing, and I am saying another...I am probably wrong as much as I would like it to be otherwise. That fact is that Trump is strongly disapproved of around the whole world and by the majority of Americans. There must be a reason for that! Please understand that the countless millions who see him as a failure (the overwhelming majority of the planet) should tell you that you cannot be seeing things clearly. I understand that it is hard for any of us to admit that we were wrong, but here the stakes are critically high!...and 2) I would rather have peace than be right!!
That’s all for now. If a couple of nukes hit, come up to Canada...we take in lots of refugees. Just please...leave your guns at home.
Sean
]
#MarchAgainstTrump#March Against Trump#Against Trump#Donald Trump#President#One Canadian's View on T
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