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can-of-pringles · 2 years

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Similarities - Chapter 1: Change of Plans

Rating: Teen and up audience

Warnings: spoilers for season 4 volume 1!, light angst, this is my first time writing for Peter so it could be ooc, vague mention of past forced procedures, if there's anything I forgot let me know.

Word Count: 1k

Summary: Peter Ballard has been forced to be an orderly at the lab for some time. Only recently does he discover he had more of a connection to the place than originally thought.

Note: I'd recommend reading Not To Be Forgotten (prequel fanfic) before this one.

Also Read On AO3

Notes: This is an AU of mine where Peter Ballard is Eleven's bio father. I recently watched S4 and got a hyperfixation on Peter (oops) I might write more for this but I'm unsure. Because this is an AU some things are different (obviously) so keep that in mind. This was written during the first volume of Stranger Things S4. So whatever happens in volume 2, won't automatically affect this AU unless I decide it does.

Peter is 28 years old in this. He was 24 when El was born. This being an AU, some things in canon might not end up happening. Such as the massacre of the children that happens in 1979.

---

1975.

Henry, or Peter as he had been called since being an orderly, was, as expected, working and keeping everything and the children in order.

It had been the same as all the other days, but he didn’t expect any different. Things were running smoothly, and the children were behaving themselves. Which allowed Peter to have some more time to himself.

Well, as much time to himself as he could get in the facility.

The few moments when he could step back some gave him time to reflect. He had realized long ago that the only freedom he had in this place was his thoughts. Nevertheless, he always made certain to not let his guard down.

Deep thinking almost felt like a silent rebellion. During these times, it would give him a bit of peace. It wasn’t a lot, but considering the walls around him felt like a prison, he welcomed whatever tranquility he could get.

It fueled his hope. The goal was that one day he could finally escape. Once that happened, he could next concentrate his energy on fixing things. Fixing the rules in place.

But today was not that day.

Recently, his hopeful thoughts had changed into puzzling questions and even possibly worry. The latter almost surprised him. He assumed he had lost that feeling after being in the labs for so long. But there it was.

The worry was about a situation he had never wanted to consider originally, but after all that had taken place, he knew he couldn’t ignore any longer.

Peter’s powers came naturally to him. No outside influences were needed. It’s what made him such a subject of interest to Dr. Brenner.

The doctor’s intentions were to make more people with powers. And he had the primary source.

Peter clenched his jaw as he thought about it. Being used and exploited by Brenner amplified his fury and bitterness towards him.

He sighed and tried to calm down.

Even though it had happened years ago, it still felt fresh in his mind.

What happened had happened, and unfortunately, he could not change it. One day, he could get his revenge.

The thing that brought these familiar thoughts back in his mind was the aftermath.

Dr. Brenner had gotten what he wanted out of the experiments, a child that assumingly would have Peter’s powers.

Peter had been allowed by Brenner to be there when they were born. At first, he didn’t want any connection to what took place whatsoever, but something in him made him curious. So, against all his better judgement, Peter agreed.

Never in a million years would he have expected to actually form an emotional attachment to the infant, a girl. However, to his shock, it had happened.

At first, he tried to ignore how he felt, just push those emotions down and pretend they didn’t exist, but almost impulsively, he didn’t.

Even to where, after one official visit to the nursery approved by Brenner, Peter sneaked away to visit more.

As Peter thought back, it astonished him how truly reckless he had behaved then. He chalked it up to focusing on feelings rather than logic.

At the time, he wouldn’t do much other than talk to her about pointless things or sometimes watch her sleep, but it was better than how his days were usually spent.

It all changed when he went to visit her one time and she was gone. Peter never knew what happened, but expected Brenner had something to do with her disappearance.

That had been a few years ago, and Peter had given up on trying to find her at that point, because eyes were everywhere, specifically Brenner’s.

Since it had been a long time, his mind now wondered if she had finally been old enough to be in the main building, in the rainbow room.

If she had been, Peter wouldn’t have known. It had been too long; he didn’t think he would’ve recognized her.

Peter had tried blocking out the burning question before, but finally gave in. He couldn’t avoid it forever. Or he could, and in turn, feel ignorant. That would only make things worse.

“Is one of the lab children in the rainbow room biologically mine?” He thought. “Is she here?”

He at least deserved to know which number she was. The doctor never told him. And if—when he escaped he could hopefully take her with him.

None of them belonged there, but especially his child.

He originally guessed there could’ve been more, but some kids had been abducted. Others had been in the program from the start from other volunteers and donors.

At some point, Peter had overheard Brenner and others talking about how there should be one child capable of being the strongest with their powers. And to focus their research and programs on that objective.

Peter narrowed it down to his child, but he didn’t know her number. He didn’t dare ask either, knowing it would only end up with him being punished and with more unwanted eyes on him.

But no matter, he could figure it out by himself. He already had a lead.

They kept all the files on the children in a secured room. It had to have the information he was seeking.

The issue was that there were guards here and there. Though, thanks to a big distraction caused by someone breaking in, he could easily sneak in undetected.

He had been listening in and learned that a woman had entered the building. She was trying to take one of the children. Probably her child who had been stolen from her. Why else? And who else would even know? Everything had to be kept a secret.

Though he didn’t know how successful she’d be at it. Maybe things could change for the better if one child escaped.

He suddenly remembered the surveillance cameras and used his powers to shut them off. No one should’ve been able to see him turn them off from where he had been standing.

He hoped that there had been no one watching previously and thought it was unusual. Perhaps they all became involved in trying to stop the intruder.

With the camera problem out of the way, Peter worked on opening the filing cabinet and combed through the folders.

He grabbed another folder and read through it. Particular words typed on the page immediately stuck out to him.

——

Subject: 011

Biological Mother: Terry Ives (program volunteer)

Biological Father: Subject: 001

——

“Number Eleven…” He muttered.

Once he had gotten a good read of the files, he promptly put them all back; making it look perfectly organized and untampered. He locked the cabinet again.

Before taking the time to process the new information, he hurried back to his original place before anyone could see he had been missing.

He wracked his mind for all he had learned and memorized about Eleven. One thought that wouldn’t leave his mind, though, was feeling foolish for not realizing who she was sooner.

They had hardly interacted, maybe once or twice. She was timid and quiet; especially compared to the other kids. She reminded him of how he was as a child.

He scolded himself for not paying closer attention to her. This whole time he’d been looking for her, not realizing that she was nearer than he’d known.

But there was nothing he could do to change the past.

She was only about four years old, according to his calculations. As well as her date of birth being noted in her files.

As for her powers and abilities, that might be a waiting game, too. They generally held off on completing the more extensive tests while they were that young. However, Eleven could end up being an exception because of her lineage.

Before he could get more lost in thought about this discovery, other orderlies and guards came back, causing him to direct his attention toward them.

“A woman broke in and attempted to take subject Eleven; the intruder has been apprehended and won’t be a problem anymore, the subject is unharmed.” One guard informed him.

Peter nodded. That was all he could do at the moment. Thoughts gathered in his head, but he kept his expression neutral.

“They have identified the woman as Terry Ives,”

“Of course...”

He had known Terry Ives in the past, obviously, since he was there when Eleven was born. But he had never known what had happened to her after that.

After the guards and orderlies dismissed themselves, Peter tried to decide what to do with all the new information.

He settled on keeping a closer eye on Eleven for the time being. He hoped he could achieve a bond with her in the future.

Peter couldn’t deny the feelings of regret taking place in his chest. He had already missed so much time with her. Never again.

He wanted to give Eleven the chance to know that there was at least one person genuinely looking out for her in this place.

Peter spent the rest of the day contemplating what he and she could do together to escape someday.

It felt odd to him to refer to Eleven as his daughter, but he hoped with more time, it would feel less foreign.

Time was all he had. It consistently bored him to no end. But maybe the feeling would ease up some because of Eleven.

Peter wished he could tell her everything, about how long he had known her, about how Brenner was a cruel man that took her away from both her parents, about how he was glad that he’d finally found her, but that would have to wait.

#stranger things #001 and 011 au #stranger things 001 #peter ballard fanfic #peter ballard #stranger things season 4 #001 stranger things #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #el stranger things #stranger things eleven #my writing #pringles writing

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thestupidhelmet · 3 years

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i think its okay to not want anything to do with that 90s show and it is totally fine to say that. i think it's childish to just write off anything from the series that doesn't fit your narrow view of the characters tho. what if j/h actually miraculously end up together in the spinoff? will you change your tune

My view of the characters isn't narrow. That's the wrong word. My view of them is specific and, in contrast to your claim, complex -- a complexity that inspired me to write over three-thousand comics, over a million words of fanfic, and countless essay (or metas) about these characters. It's a complexity That '70s Show's writers and showrunners destroyed, slowly but surely starting with the last episodes of season 5.

Characterizing as childish my lack of desire to watch a sequel series that will, likely, build on S8's canon-divergent, mypoic portrayal of T7S's characters -- as well as muddy the characters' reality with their actors' personal lives -- is a reductive, unwarrantedly hostile, and woefully misinformed take on my attitude about the prospect of That '90s Show.

You don't know what my relationship to That '70s Show is on a deeper, personal level. I'm a very private person, and I certainly wouldn't share this kind of information in public with an anon who writes me an (albeit mildly) attacking message such as yours.

That being said, the fact I've actively participated in the T7S fandom for over eleven years, co-moderate the longest-existing online forum about the show (it's twenty-two-years-old and counting), dedicated so much creativity and analysis and time as described above to T7S, happily welcomed many new active participants to the fandom, and made a ton of friends through this fandom, the show's importance to me isn't hard to guess.

My fidelity is to the characters and their internal consistency. The people in charge of T7S and T9S (save Debra Jo Rupp and Kurtwood Smith) have proven over many episodes and years they do not share this same fidelity.

I'm not asking you, whoever you are, to share my trepidation. Or even to understand it. But you do have to accept it.

The only way I'd consider That '90s Show as possibly being part of canon is:

if it disavows season 8 as being a delusion or a dream, much like Community did in season 5 to the OOC season 4, which had different showrunners than the rest of the series.

If T9S lets us know the T7S characters continued on the trajectories set by their long-established characterizations, made choices based on who they actually are instead of being forced into plots and choices the characters never would have made for themselves

if the T7S characters' choices for their fictional lives aren't based on any choices the actors made for themselves IRL

if the T7S and T9S creators acknowledge to us through interviews, press, social media, etc. that S8 was mishandled and a mistake and perhaps even apologize for it

I have no reason to believe any of the above will happen, however. Season 8 proved just how little T7S's creators cared about the characters or their fans. The misogyny against Jackie in S8 is appalling. The silence about S8 these last fifteen years from the show's creators, producers, and writers -- save David Trainer (T7S's series director), who quite diplomatically stated his opinion that S8 is "an alternate reality, one of many possible futures for the characters" -- speaks volumes.

Even the choice of Leia as the name of Eric and Donna’s daughter suggests how shallowly T9S’s creators think about and understand T7S’s characters.

I'm sure plenty of T7S fans will enjoy T9S. Sounds like you expect you will, too. Wonderful! I just hope the next time you message someone anonymously (or otherwise) about, well, anything, you do so in a more respectful manner than you have me.

I wish you peace and joy in your life. Be well.

#That 70s Show #That '90s Show #Jackie x Hyde #Kitty x Red #That '70s Show #Ask #Anon #My Meta #My Essay #Meta #Essay #Personalish

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psychiccupid · 3 years

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“Two Teru’s”

@danganrarepairweek2021 Day One: Flowers, Festival, Fireworks!

Ship: Ultimate Impostor x Teruteru Hanamura (TwoTeru)

Fic Tags: HPA AU, Fluff, Pure Fluff, It’s been years so Teru’s NOT LIKE THAT™, Probably OOC but this is how I see them in the future, Semi-Original Character (for Impostor), Festival, Fireworks, Teru’s mom, brother, and sister are here!!

While they were both prepared, the sheer volume of people at the Hanamura’s festival stand was… overwhelming to say the least. Especially considering that both of Teruteru’s younger siblings wanted to go off and get some time to actually enjoy the evening - which was understandable. It’s certainly not every day such a huge party was happening.

However, this left only two people running the booth. The Ultimate Chef could easily handle this all on his own, no sweat, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t grateful for his partner impostoring him. Looking in the other’s direction, he was currently handing a young, excited girl a bowl of what most assuredly would be the best curry she’d ever taste. The thought made Teruteru smile widely - truly, what would he do without him?

The moment the first guest had tried a bite of the Double Teru Cooking Combo™, they spread their outstanding review around the entire festival, and people had not stopped coming for seconds, thirds, fourths since! The stand had been set up four hours ago, but now, it was getting late into the night, with his family yet to return. He knew they wanted to have fun! And he was happy that he had the skills to let that happen but…

He had a very special moment prepared. Missing it was out of the question.

Ever since they met at Hope’s Peak, Teru had found comfort in serving food to -at the time- Byakuya Togami. It was unexpected, for the heir to be so… compliment-y… but with every praise, the cook found himself falling more and more. His raunchy jokes slowed down until they were gone completely and his demeanor shaped up and became more serious; all because he’d found ‘the one’ - the person he wanted to keep making food for.

As he handed an older gentleman a rice bowl, he couldn’t help thinking about their history together. The sweet romantic dinner where Teruteru had finally asked him out, the first time he ever taught the other how to cook something exquisite for himself… and especially the late night where, out in a park underneath the stars, he learned they weren’t really Byakuya Togami. Though, at that point - he already knew and very much accepted them. The trust that it took to admit that wouldn’t go unappreciated, and so the chef had opened up about his siblings talents, his jealousy, and how he worried about his mom constantly.

“Well, you’re already teaching me how to cook. Perhaps we can make an arrangement?” The impostor had told them that night, and now, looking at his own face like a reflection, he found nothing but love in his heart that he’d accepted.

Still - he was absolutely ecstatic when his mom returned, tuckered out, and said that she’d be happy to take over so they could escape. His sister rounded the corner and practically shoved him out cooing, “Yeah, tell your doppelganger to go change and go kiss already! We’ve been back for five seconds and the tension is unreal. Shoo! Go!” His brother teasing the Impostor to the same degree. Heck, even some of the people around the booth hollered at them, embarrassingly, to get out for a little bit - but it was all in good fun!

So, giddily, they rounded the corner and the taller Teruteru chuckled, “Anyone in particular you’d like to spend your evening with?” It was mostly in appearance - despite the lack of a name, gender, or identity, Teru would know his partner anywhere, through any disguise at this point. They may change faces, but underneath it was always just…

“Tonight is special. So… can I ask you to be Imp for a little while?” A secret nickname, a character the two of them created together. Imp was The Ultimate Impostor, or, what they wanted to be. A masculine face with slicked back black hair and brown eyes, hosting a deeper voice but all of it being… them. And that was Teruteru’s absolute favorite: Them.

After a few moments, Imp had changed into, well, Imp. But also into more-appropriate festival attire. The shorter man had done the same - and now they both sported some stylish jinbei, happily walking hand-in-hand to inspect all of the booths excitedly.

The first hour was spent inspecting every single food stand they could find, buying one thing to split between them, and would gush happily about all the parts of it they liked! Then, they stopped at knickknack stalls, watched performances, and simply enjoyed the other’s company.

But the big event was in the second hour, as the sun was finally set, and eleven o’clock rolled around. Teruteru had been planning this for weeks alongside their festival station, and now stood with his true love at the top of a hill, overlooking a large water canal. Pointedly, he looked to the sky, and, being as breathtakingly intelligent as he was, Imp knew to do the same - already guessing what the surprise would be.

In no time at all, a wide array of colors and blasts lit up the dark background as firework after firework shot off - exploding into sparkles and smoke. They were stunning, radiant, and both onlookers found themselves happily gawking at the display, wonderfully basking in the other’s presence for the evening.

As the finale started, with what seemed to be a never ending supply of ammo, Imp leaned over and gave Teruteru the lightest kiss on the cheek - never being the overly physically affectionate type. But, through the years, it was a silent message that the other was allowed to be affectionate, and so, underneath the ever changing lights, he turned towards his darling and stood on his tiptoes to give them a passionate kiss - just one - that conveyed all the love he could possibly have for the other.

Ending the night in a soft, “Thank you for trusting me.” Leaving his lips.

And a warm, “Thank you for seeing me.” To follow.

#Rarepair #Rarepair Week #Twoteru #Danganronpa #Ultimate Impostor x Teruteru Hanamura #Ultimate Impostor #Twogami #Teruteru Hanamura #DR #Drabble #Rarepair Week 2021 #Fanfiction #DR Fanfiction #My Writing #Festival #Fireworks #HPA AU

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itsclydebitches · 5 years

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Very long ask: Part 1: Hello, I know Maria is supporting Ruby a lot in recent episodes but do you think there’s something a bit off about her support, but not in a bad guy way? She’s given a lot of information about the real history of Remnant but instead of focusing on that and asking the real questions and offering her unbiased opinion/questions, she only focuses on the details relevant to her? There was so much to unpack but she tells Ruby that the God of Light gave them their powers, despite

Hey! Putting answer under the cut 💚

OKAY. So first off, yes. This was something I’d picked up on during Maria’s discussion with Ruby, but didn’t bother trying to articulate thoughts on because my recaps are long enough as it is. To summarize that question though: Why is rational, level-headed Maria talking about Light’s power like he’s still an infallible god? Why isn’t she acknowledging how horrible he and his brother were? Why isn’t she acknowledging anything else?

Imo there’s a “good” answer and a “bad” answer. The “good” one is that Maria just might not care about that history. Ultimately, regardless of what happened in the past, the silver eyes are a tool and in the end it matters how you use tools, not where they came from. She might not want to threaten Ruby’s convictions to use her eyes by emphasizing that they originate from a mercurial, cruel being. They need her eyes--as the encounter with the Apathy demonstrated--and they can’t risk Ruby getting caught up in the morality of ‘Is it ethical to use a power given to me by someone that might be a Bad Guy?’ and start hesitating. There are priorities.

The “bad” answer is a writing one: RT isn’t having anyone acknowledge anything else about the vision. Period. You’re 100% right that Maria is in an excellent position to, say, emphasize Ozpin’s Good Guy nature by connecting him to that love of humanity, or start a conversation about how freaking gods screwed over a mortal man to hell and back. So if presumably ‘perfect’ beings can fuck up so badly, how can you expect perfection from those around you? Cut everyone some slack.

But RT isn’t interested in exploring any of these avenues, whether they relate specifically to Ozpin or not. In the same way that they’re not interested in having the gang acknowledge right now that there are other ways of “defeating” Salem besides killing her, or acknowledging that the work they’ve done is far from useless. Despite the massive amount of lore we got and the endless possibilities/questions it generated, RT has decided that everyone is going to have the exact same, simplistic reaction: pessimism and hatred towards Ozpin. The writers are straight up not letting the characters think through ANYTHING else they’ve learned. So yeah, that’s a sad use of Maria’s character and, imo, rather OOC based on what else we’ve seen from her, but this volume is forcing everyone down one very narrow path.

We saw the same thing happening this episode. For whatever reason they decided that the end scene needed a kids vs. adults mentality attached to it and everything else (logic, characterization, expectations) are chucked out to try and make room for that. It makes perfect sense for the oldest member of the group (besides Ozpin), who is also one of the most level-headed of the gang, who lost her eyes because of her own overconfidence, to be the one to emphasize to Ruby that she needs to work with everyone around her, including the adults. Instead we get a generic cheer about how awesome Ruby is as she rejects everyone who’s not a “kid”--which includes Maria. The writing is so Team RWBY centric that they had an old lady cheering over being denounced when she’s the only reason they made it to Argus. Ruby yells about how they “didn’t need Oz”... but that’s because they had Maria instead. Ruby twists the situation to make it look like the kids did everything on their own when really they just swapped one competent adult for another, and the narrative--partly through Maria--tires to paint that as the truth even though the audience knows that’s BS. It’s like a form of fictional gaslighting (not to use that term lightly, just can’t think of a better one): “You saw events happen this way, but Ruby is now saying it happened this way instead. No one is going to question this and you should believe her because she’s the protagonist.”

I think that’s bad writing.

Yes, I believe Maria is largely the voice of reason... up until RT decides that the kids are right and Nothing Will Stand In The Way of That. And they’ve been doing that a lot this season. RT set up a very complex situation (which is great!) but then made it not great by not allowing everyone to respond to it in a complex manner. No one is allowed to have sympathy for Ozpin. No one is allowed to think about the gods’ responsibility in all this. No one gets to theorize about how they can still defeat Salem. No one grapples with everything else they learned. No one is allowed to react to the news in any way beyond abject pessimism and violence. Now, no one is allowed to challenge Ruby on her claim that kids are the most competent people here.

And it’s not entirely RT’s fault. I’ve said before that RWBY’s format is not good for the kind of story they’re trying to tell. Even with longer episodes now, 12-20mins of content across 12 or so episodes can’t compare to 45mins of content across 20+ episodes. Especially when you’ve developed a cast as big as this one. I can understand why they might go, “We don’t have time to give everyone a unique reaction to this news and have legit conversations about the implications because we literally need this scene over and done with in under 5mins.” If we don’t get more info about Oscar’s excursion, I can understand why they’d straight up ignore him in favor of giving us half an episode on Jaune’s reaction because he’s the character we’ve known longer. But understanding format limitations doesn’t erase the fact that it’s still bad storytelling. And it’s not just Oscar. As the story continues to grow more complex (Ozpin’s morality) and the cast continues to grow (Maria) there’s less and less and less time to devote to each character and each problem. We have eleven main characters this time around, not including all our villains and those on the sidelines who will play an important role later (like Ironwood). If you want to give Jaune a meaningful conversation with Pyrrha’s mom, you don’t get to explore Oscar’s outing too. If you want time to focus on Qrow’s drinking problem then you have to take time away from [insert literally anything we want to see here], which includes Maria’s lack of opinions and her random status as the kids’ champion. You’re right that there’s SO much more to unpack... but with what time?

Every story has this problem to an extent (that’s what fic is for!), but you reach a point where the amount you have to a) simplify, b) chuck in without buildup/explanation or c) straight up skip begins to have a negative impact on the story as a whole. As fantastic as this volume’s potential is, I think RWBY is starting to reach that point.

So yeah. As much as I adore Maria I don’t think she’s being used to her full potential, especially in these last two episodes. But then again, most of the characters aren’t. That’s what happens when you try to pack this much storytelling into about 12mins once a week.

#rwby #rwby spoilers #mymetas #lucidsnake

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sincerely-us-imagines · 6 years

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Write-a-thon day 3: Lazy Days (zoe murphy x reader)

i’m posting this at 12:06 but i finished this at 11:50 so technically i was actually on time this time!

day 3 of @hamilton-canyouimagine ‘s lovely write-a-thon! today’s theme was “Lazy Days: Sometimes it’s nice just to be with someone you care about without worrying about anything. Some of the best dates are least planned.“

I’ve never written Zoe before so i apologize if she’s ooc! I also didn’t proof this because it’s late and i have to get up early tomorrow so sorry for any mistakes!

warnings: like ONE bad word, tooth rotting fluff, me projecting my gay feelings

“Mmph, turn it off.” you grumbled, pulling a pillow over your face.

“Turn what off? The sun?” Zoe laughed from where she stood at the window.

“Yes.”

She hummed and walked back over to her bed, sitting down beside you and pulling the pillow away.

“Stoooooop!” you whine, yanking the blanket over your head instead.

Zoe giggled and climbed on top of you, straddling your lumpy form under the blankets. You pulled the blanket down so only your eyes were peeking out.

“You’re way too chipper for it to be this early.”

“It’s a quarter til eleven.”

“Too early.” you repeated.

She leaned down over you, her long hair creating a curtain over either side of your head.

“Kiss me.”

You shook your head.

“Why not?” She mock pouted.

“I’ve got mornin’ breath.” Your voice was slightly muffled through the blanket.

“Me too. Don’t care.”

She pulled the covers down and grabbed your face gently with both hands, pressing her lips against yours softly. You hummed into the kiss and allowed one hand to rest on her hip while the other pushed her hair out of your faces.

She pulled away and rolled off of you, flopping down and turning on her side to face you.

She was beautiful, even like this. Her brown waves were messy and a little tangled. She wore blue star-print boyshorts and an oversized t-shirt, which was currently riding up, exposing her waist. You ran your fingers softly, sweetly over the skin, waiting until she closed her eyes to relish the feeling like you knew she would.

As soon as she did you swept forward, kissing and blowing raspberries all over her stomach. She laughed loudly and squealed, squirming around. Which, really, just gave you more room to work with.

Three loud bangs came from the other side of the door, silencing both of you.

“Will you two shut the fuck up? Jesus, it’s too early for this shit.” Connor shouted, mumbling curses as he trudged back to his room, slamming the door behind him.

You stared at each other in silence for a few moments before bursting out in laughter again. You reached over to the nightstand beside you and grabbed your phone, shooting your friend a text message.

To: Connor

sorry con

Connor sent you back a middle finger emoji in every skin tone available.

Zoe rolled her eyes and climbed out of bed, walking over to the stack of records in the corner of the room and flipping through them.

“Any requests?” she asked, not turning around.

“Something upbeat.” you admired her silhouette in the sunlight. With the way she was standing in front of the window, you could see every frizzy baby hair sticking up on the top of her head. It was adorable.

She made a happy noise and picked up a beige sleeve, carefully sliding the vinyl out of it and putting it on the player. She looked at the sleeve and dropped the needle in a carefully eyeballed spot. She caught the last few seconds of the previous song before the island-y vibe vocals started up. She cranked up the volume and skipped over to you, pulling you up out of the bed excitedly.

You laughed as she danced you around the room, quite badly.

“And she said honey take me dancing,

But they ended up sleeping in a doorway

By the bodegas and the lights on upper Broadway

Wearing diamonds on the soles of their shoes.”

She crooned along to the crackly record until the chorus, where she spun you around before dipping you dramatically. You laughed as she did, kissing her clumsily when she pulled you back up. She smiled against your lips.

“We should probably brush our teeth.” she said, scrunching up her nose.

“Probably.” You agreed, giving her one more peck before pulling away.

“Hey,” you said around a mouthful of toothpaste.

“Hm?” she looked at you in the mirror as she brushed her teeth.

You spit and slurped some water directly from the faucet to rinse with.

“You wanna go to Denny’s?”

“Uh, when do I ever not want to go to Denny’s?” she countered.

“Good point.”

She finished brushing her teeth and wiped her mouth, eagerly pulling you back into her room to get dressed.

“We have to hurry though, if we’re gonna beat the church crowd.”

You smiled as you watched her dig around in her closet for a Denny’s-appropriate outfit. You were completely and utterly head over heels for this girl.

There wasn’t a single other person, you thought as you pulled on your shorts, that you would rather split an omelette with on a Sunday morning.

#you can't tell me zoe murphy wouldn't have a record collection #because she def would #also i fuckin love that song #and it reminds me of her a lot #zoe murphy imagine #zoe murphy x reader #dear evan hansen imagine #zoe murphy #Canyouimaginewriteathon

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uozlulu · 6 years

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I'm glad to know I wasn't the only one who thought Ash was so OOC in Banana Fish's ending. Do you know why he decided to lay there for hours until the end? And do you think the anime will carry this faithfully?

The ending always bothered me because we’d seen Ash fight and fight and fight some more ever step of the way for nineteen volumes, but since the anime was announced I’ve been thinking about that ending and what I’d like the anime to do with it, and it’s given me some insight into how it kind of fits narrative-wise, though there might have been better thematic endings.

I know that the story ends the way it does because it’s a product of the 80′s. In terms of how it makes sense in terms of Ash’s character arc and the overall narrative, I think it comes down to emotional exhaustion.

In an abusive situation some people can go into a constant state of survival mode, maybe a constant state of fight. Ash has been fighting in one way or another since he was eight. Even though he’s gotten away from Dino for the most part and he’s entered the healing process it’s slow, but we can watch over the course of the series as Ash does quite a bit of healing. He’s got a lot of healing left in him, but we see in scenes like where he cries that whatever it was that got him through the experience of his abusive past is slowly unwinding little by little and he’s finally starting to process the scope of it.

When Ash gets to his end, he has opened a lot of wounds and still has more to open. He’s healing but he’s not healed. It’s overwhelming and honestly one of the best things he might have done for himself psychologically was to get the hell out of New York. Even if he didn’t go with Eiji to Japan, Ash needed to regroup somewhere. And in a sense that’s kind of what he chooses to do in his final moments. He can release everything. He can start over. He can let go of everything and control his own destiny. Because even though Ash does have quite a bit of control and power, he also lacked a lot of control and power over himself over the last eleven years of his life. He’s emotionally exhausted and when handed the chance to rest permanently, he takes it.

It’s tragic and very 80′s and it’s also kind of a shame that it had to go this way, but I can see how it can be somewhat justified by the narrative.

In terms of the anime, personally I’d like to see them give us a different ending. They wouldn’t have to give us the super duper ideal happy ending, but I could go for a bittersweet ending in which Ash and Eiji are separated but both survive. Also since we’re in the 2010′s now there’s a lot about LGBT+ storytelling and what editors think the public wants to see that’s changed. I say LGBT+ storytelling because the artbook makes it seem as though without the censorship that’s where things might have gone in the manga. I also think given that MAPPA is in charge of the adaptation and has been possibly trying to court Yuri on Ice!!! fans that could influence how the ending is handled.

If MAPPA does decide it wants to retain the anime ending, I think that the concept of Ash’s death will likely be retained though I’m not sure if we’ll get the sense of time passing or not. Since MAPPA has only 24 episodes to work with they’ve got to pack quite a lot into each episode depending on how they choose to adapt the story. Since an interview (it’s translated and a reblog on my blog) with the creators said that they did want to highlight Ash and Eiji’s relationship, I think that they’ll likely have enough to work with to establish that Ash has decided to stop fighting. I’m curious if they do go the route of Ash dying as an ending if they’ll try to clean it up a bit and make it seem to make more sense since the manga ending seems like such a sharp contrast to the rest of the manga.

I’m also curious what Yoshida has to say about the upcoming anime. I wonder if she had any input or not. I’ve not gone looking for any interviews on the subject but I’ve also not stumbled on any yet either. It’s also possible that such an interview might be released closer to the start of the anime. I think that if we could hear from her that might also clear up some of this.

#anonymous #ask box replies #long post #sorry #that got a bit long on me there #i just have a lot of feelings #ymmv #banana fish #because we're talking the ending here #Anonymous #death talk #i don't know what to tag this #banana fish manga spoilers

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arrow-guy · 7 years

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All Was Well (1/??)

Summary: Harry and Draco struggle with life after the war. Together, things my not be easier, but they sure are more interesting.

A/N: Okay, I lied, it’s going up today. I didn’t realize that I would be able to get done with all my schoolwork as quickly as I did, so I figured I would reward myself and you guys with an early post. I’m kind of worried that they’re ooc, but if I don’t post it now, I know I never will lmao. I really hope I did the pair justice and I sincerely hope you enjoy this first part!

Pairing: Drarry

Word Count: 3014

Warnings: Angst, nightmares, slight panic

Harry thought that, after the war, everything would go back to normal. He would be able to go back to the perfect life he had envisioned with his friends, his girlfriend and his adopted family. He would be able to become an Auror and everything would be fine.

The problem with his plan was that he didn’t plan for the fallout of the war.

He didn’t expect the sheer number of people who would swarm him any time he went out. Not the people touching him or grabbing it his hair, clothes and glasses just for the chance to touch the saviour or, even better, manage to tear off a piece of his clothing.

He wasn’t counting on the number of meetings he would called on to attend or hearings and trials he would be asked to testify at. He never imagined the sheer number of people he would see put away for war crimes. He watched as Death Eaters and snatchers alike were sentenced to Azkaban with varying times to be served.

When the time came, he testified at the Malfoy’s Hearings. It was about a week after the final battle that the owl arrived inviting him to attend the trial and, if possible, testify.

Thanks to his testimony, Draco and Narcissa Malfoy were pardoned with only mild probationary punishments set in place. Unfortunately, Lucius Malfoy was not so lucky.

Due to his place in Voldemort’s inner circle, regardless of turning his back in the end, he was sentenced to Azkaban for thirty five years.

Harry felt horrible when the verdict was reached, but felt a sense of satisfaction knowing that Draco and his mother were free. After the trial, Draco and Narcissa had approached him and thanked him quietly. Draco had refused to meet his eyes and Narcissa stood close to her son, her hand on his arm. Harry had nodded stiffly to them and watched them walk away to speak to Lucius before he was taken to Azkaban.

Most of all, he wasn’t expecting the sadness, depression and anxiety that would follow the war.

A week after everything ended, Hermione and Ron went off to Australia in search of Hermione’s parents to attempt to restore their memories and bring them back to England. In that time Harry and Ginny tried to bring their relationship back to the level it was at when they were in school the year before. No matter what they tried, they couldn’t seem to bring back the spark. They broke up, knowing that it was what was best for the both of them. Even after their split, they spent long nights together in Grimmauld Place, laying on the floor and talking.

One night, a little under a month after the final battle, the two of them had stayed up well into the night and come to a rather startling conclusion.

“Harry?”

“Hmm?”

“I think I’m gay.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm.” Ginny nodded.

The pair was quiet for a while. Harry's brow furrowed as he thought about what Ginny had said. He'd never really given any thought to his sexuality. He'd not really ever had the time. Everyone had always expected him to marry the perfect girl and have a handful of children. Until then it hasn't occurred to him that their sexualities were the reason their relationship had collapsed.

“I think I might be too.” Harry said, his face scrunching up in mild confusion. “But not one hundred percent, if that makes any sense at all.”

“Of course it does.” Ginny snorted. “You could be bisexual, pansexual, polysexual. The options are practically endless.”

“That sounds much too complicated.”

“Sexuality isn’t a static thing, Harry. It’s fluid. It’s a spectrum.” Ginny tried her best to explain. “Sexuality is different for everyone.”

Harry just nodded and they fell into silence for a moment before moving on to talk about something completely different.

Even after his talk with Ginny about his sexuality, he still struggled greatly with most things surrounding the war.

He hated the funerals. He hated that everyone was dead. He hated that it was all his fault. That he couldn’t do the one thing he was born to do and save them. Most times he showed up to pay his respects before apparating home and curling up in bed and trying to forget those who had passed on.

Ron and Hermione didn’t seem to understand why he had such a hard time dealing with the aftermath of the war. They constantly tried to get him to join them at the Burrow or go out to eat at some muggle restaurant. He always turned down their offers saying he was sick or that there were errands he had to run. He knew his excuses were shit, but he couldn’t bring himself to be around the two of them when he knew that they would just bombard him with questions he didn’t have the answers to.

The only thing that gave him a sense of peace was being with his godson, Teddy.

When Andromeda told him that he could visit whenever he wanted, he spent as much time with her and his godson as he possibly could. Being around someone so small and pure and innocent gave him a sense of hope that he didn’t know he could ever feel again.

The small boy never failed to make Harry smile. Hearing the little gurgles and constant nonsensical babbling from the child made him feel better and he was glad that he could have Teddy in his life.

The first time Draco had showed up to his aunt’s house he wasn’t expecting to be met by the savior of the wizarding world in her living room. Both of the young men froze upon seeing each other, neither of them completely sure of what they were supposed to do in that situation.

Harry had nearly forgotten that Teddy was Draco’s cousin. It hadn’t even crossed his mind that the blond would want to visit Andromeda and Teddy. It had taken him a full three minutes to rake his gaze over the man in front of him, observe that he was, in fact, rather fit, and decide that the best course of action was to attempt to be civil with him.

Harry had hoisted himself up off of Teddy’s playmat and sauntered over to the slightly taller blond and extended his hand to him. Draco had eyed him warily, unsure of what Harry was attempting.

“What do you want, Potter?” He’d asked. There was no venom in his words, he was simply trying to understand the situation.

“It occurred to me that we got off on the wrong foot seven years ago. After what we've been through, I’d hate for something as stupid as a school rivalry to get in the way of us being civil now. So,” Harry looked pointedly from Draco to his hand and then back again. “What do you say, Draco?”

Draco's eyes had widened at hearing Harry say his first name so casually. He was a bit taken aback for a moment, having to process what was going on. If what he thought was happening was actually happening, Harry Potter was offering him his friendship, the one thing his eleven year old self had wanted most.

“Are you joking?”

Harry tilted his head to the side, sliding his hands into his pockets. “If I were joking, don’t you think I’d do it in a place that’s a little more public than your own aunt’s house?”

Draco’s brow furrowed. “I suppose you might.” He squinted at the raven haired boy in front of him. “But why would you want to be friends with me?”

Harry shrugged. “Why not? The world’s crazy enough as is, why not give everyone a little shock?”

Draco snorted in amusement, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You sure you’re ready for this?” He asked. “Our friendship would be a commitment.”

Harry laughed and smiled genuinely for the first time in months, and at Draco Malfoy no less. “I think I can handle that challenge.”

Draco shook his head before extending his hand to Harry. “Alright, Potter. Just remember that you brought this on yourself.”

Harry grinned and shook the blond’s hand. “Don’t worry, I definitely will.” He nodded his head towards Teddy who was gurgling away on his playmat. “You want to help me with your cousin?”

“I think I can manage that.” Draco said with a smirk.

Harry and Draco spent more time together when they were both at Andromeda’s house. The two of them found that it really wasn’t all that hard for them to get along. They both enjoyed spending time with Teddy and they found that they had more in common than previously thought.

What Harry didn't expect from his newfound friendship with the youngest Malfoy came one rather rainy night in the middle of July.

Harry had been staring into the out of season fire in the fireplace, getting lost in the flicker of the flames, when a loud pounding sounded at the door.

Not wanting to trouble Kreacher, Harry hoisted himself up off the floor and all but stumbled over to the door, feeling not entirely returned to his legs after having been sitting on the floor for so long. Upon opening the door, Harry was met with a sopping wet Draco Malfoy, his gray eyes staring blankly at Harry's chest.

“Draco?” Harry said. Confusion had colored his tone. He hadn’t even known Draco knew where he lived.

“I’m sorry.” Draco said weakly, his eyes slowly moving to meet Harry’s.

“What?”

“I said-”

“No, I heard what you said, Draco,” Harry said, ushering Draco through the door and into his sitting room. “I just don’t know what you have to be sorry for.”

Draco’s eyes widened. “How could you not?” He hissed.

“Draco-”

“No, Harry! I was a complete prick when we were in school and you’ve just put all that aside like I didn’t side with the Dark Lord during the war! Like I didn’t try to crucio you sixth year!” His voice rose in volume as he talked. “I tormented you and your friends and treated you like shite! I’m supposed to be your enemy, Harry. Not your fucking friend!”

“You’re forgetting the part where I nearly killed you, Draco.” Harry said calmly.

“No, you don’t understand,” Draco starts pacing, his soaked clothes dripping onto the hardwood flooring. “I-I’ve done things. Terrible things, and I don’t deserve forgiveness. I don’t deserve your kindness or your friendship! I don’t understand how you could just let everything go! Why would you ever want to give me a second chance?!”

“Draco, stop!” Harry says sternly, placing his hands on either side of Draco’s face, effectively putting a stop to his pacing. “Just stop, please.”

Draco's breath hitched as grey eyes met green. With a moment's pause, he fisted Harry’s shirt in his hands and pulled him forward, pressing his lips to Harry’s in a kiss.

Seeming to come to his senses, Draco shoved Harry away from him, suddenly pulling his hands into his chest and closing himself off almost immediately.

“I'm sorry,” He whispered. “I'm sorry. So, so sorry.” His brow furrowed and he turned towards the door and began to walk towards it, attempting to leave a shocked Harry behind. He didn't get far before Harry placed a hand on his shoulder and gently spun him around. “Harry…”

Harry rested both of hands on Draco's shoulders, squeezing gently, trying to reassure the boy in front of him that everything was alright. “Do you realize what time it is?” Draco tilted his head to the side, confused. “It's the middle of the night and you're soaked to the bone. You're staying here tonight.”

“Are you sure?” Draco asked, his eyes impossibly wide.

“Of course.” Harry answered with a resolute nod. “You go get showered and I'll get you some pyjamas. We can talk after.”

“Alright.” Draco said, nodding dumbly, turning towards the staircase and following Harry up to the bathroom.

While Draco showerd, Harry gathered up towels and a set of pyjamas that he thought might fit Draco. He’s a little taller than Harry and he worried that all of his pyjama bottoms would be too short. He ended up shrugging and quietly opening the bathroom door, placing the clothes and towels on the counter and closing the door again before walking away and sitting on the stairs to wait for Draco to finish up.

Harry was starting to doze off when Draco quietly and tentatively padded out into the hallway. He sat down next to Harry, unsure of what to do, not wanting to upset him more than he had by kissing him.

“I know what you're thinking, Draco.” Harry said, his voice gentle.

“How could you possibly know that I'm thinking, Potter?” Draco almost hissed his words, but he couldn't find the strength to do so.

“Because I've known you for the better part of seven years and spent a number of them trying to figure you out.” Harry said simply. “I know you think you upset me by kissing me-”

“Didn't I though?” Draco asked, cutting Harry off. Harry sat up, opening his eyes so he could look at Draco.

“If anything, you surprised me.”

“You're not angry?”

“No, why would I be?”

“Well, for starters, you're not gay and you're dating the Weasley girl aren't you?” Draco asked, his cheeks tinged pink.

Harry shook his head, a small smile stretching his mouth. “We actually broke up.”

“What? Why?” Draco inquired, his eyes impossibly wide.

“Because she's gay and I'm bisexual.” Harry answered. “Well, not explicitly because of that. Right after the war, everything had us feeling off kilter and we didn't feel like we went well together any longer so, we ended things between us. Realizing that we weren't straight came a couple weeks after the fact.”

“You mean-”

“Not straight, single and definitely not upset with you.” Harry nodded and picked himself up from the from his seat on the stairs, offering Draco a hand in turn. “Let's get you to bed though. We can talk more about this in the morning.”

“Alright,” Draco took his hand and allowed himself to be led up the stairs to a spare bedroom.

“If you need anything during the night, my room is just at the end of the hallway.” Harry said before turning round, ready to head off to bed himself.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?” He turned back to look at a vulnerable looking Draco.

“Would you…” He looked at the floor, chewing at his bottom lip, a blush coloring his cheeks. He takes a deep breath before looking at Harry again. “Would you stay with me?”

“I-” Harry started to answer but cut himself off, knowing that he definitely wants to stay. “Of course I will.”

“Thank you.” Draco whispered, his expression sincere.

Harry followed after Draco as he walked over to the bed and slid under the covers. Harry turned out the lights before joining him in the bed and cozying into the bedding, trying to find a comfortable position. After about fifteen minutes Draco's soft snores filled the room and the sound lulled Harry into a shallow sleep.

A scream rips through the air, pulling Harry from his nearly fitful sleep. When he remembers where he was he realizes that the scream must have come from Draco.

The thin boy thrashes next to him on the bed as if he were trying to escape something or, rather, someone.

“Draco,” Harry reaches out to him, gently resting his hand on Draco’s right arm. It doesn't elicit any sort of response so Harry tries again, this time a little louder and shaking Draco’s shoulder. “Draco!”

Draco wakes with a start, his chest heaving with his effort to breathe and his eyes darting about frantically. “Harry?” He calls out to the dark room, his voice hoarse.

“I'm right here,” Harry answers, reaching out and taking Draco’s hand in his. With his free hand he turns on the lamp on the bedside table. “See? I didn't go anywhere.”

“You… I… Harry, I-” He chokes on a sob and covers his mouth with his hand, tears spilling over and falling down his cheeks.

Harry's eyes go wide and he shuffles over to the young man next to him and pulls him to his chest. “Draco, you're safe. It's okay, you're safe.”

Harry feels Draco's tears wet his shirt and he refuses to comment, regardless of how curious he is about what Draco was dreaming about. He rubs gentle circles into Draco's back, trying his best to calm him. After about five minutes, Draco's shoulders stop shaking and he's relaxed against Harry in a fashion he never would have thought possible just a couple of weeks ago.

“I'm sorry.” Draco mumbles, peeling himself away from Harry's chest, wiping his tears with the heel of his hand. “I'm really sorry, Harry.”

“Why?”

“This isn’t exactly something I wanted you to see,” Draco laughs darkly, still rubbing away the wetness on his face. “It’s not something I want you to have to deal with. That’s why I’m sorry.”

Harry shakes his head and takes Draco’s hand in his. “Don't be,” He gently runs his thumb across the pale skin of Draco's knuckles. “We all have our fair share of nightmares, yeah? You've got nothing to apologize for.”

Draco studies Harry’s face, looking deeply into his eyes, searching for a trace of malice and mocking. He doesn’t find anything of the sort, only sincerity and kindness. “Thank you.” Draco squeezes his hand gently.

“Let's try to go back to sleep, okay?” Harry lays down and Draco nods, laying down beside him, his ear pressed to Harry's chest, just over his heart. Draco refuses to let go of Harry's hand.

“Is this alright? Us being in the same bed, I mean.”

“Don't worry about it right now.” Harry shakes his head against his pillow. “Try to get some rest.”

Harry feels Draco nod against his chest before he slips off into sleep again.

-------

part 2

Thank you guys so much for reading! If you liked this installment, please leave a response or shoot me an ask! Feedback would be greatly appreciated!

#drarry #draco malfoyxharry potter #harry potterxdraco malfoy #draco malfoy x harry potter #harry potter x draco malfoy #malfoyxpotter #potterxmalfoy #dracoxharry #harryxdraco #draco x harry #harry x draco #harry potter #draco malfoy #harry potter fanfiction #drarry fanfiction #harry potter angst #angst #angst fic

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supernaturaldoctorpotter · 7 years

Text

Writing: Of Flowers and Friends

((OOC: Ok so the gorgeous @lifeasamarauder came up with this absolutely beautiful thread that I couldn’t quite stop thinking about and then a plotbunny/continuation/opposite perspective came and bugged me till I wrote it. You can find the thread here, which I highly recommend. Thank you and your Lily for being such a muse! *kisses*))

Of Friends and Flowers

Word Count: 1600

Characters: Lily, Marauders

Era: Marauders

He watched her work it out with an odd sort of calm. He should really have been panicking, doing his best to throw her off the trail, perhaps even sound the alarm to James so he and the others could run a distraction campaign. It wouldn’t have been the first time. Only they were in sixth year now and it was Lily and, to be perfectly honest, he was both tired of lying to her and weirdly sure she was going to be ok with it. He supposed this was what it felt like to trust someone. It was an odd feeling. But quite nice.

He kept up the ruse, of course. No sense in just telling her. But he felt her eyes on him, often enough that James began to grumble and Sirius got that furrow in between his eyebrows that, if left alone, could turn into a full Black tantrum. He was long past feeling guilty that he made sure to smooth that furrow out long before he’d even started thinking about reassuring James. James needed his ego testing every now and again, whereas that furrow had been directly tied to an ache in Remus’ own chest for far longer than he was comfortable with, even now.

Sirius was too clever, of course. The moment he’d been convinced that Remus was not, in fact, having a passionate love affair with his best friend’s girlfriend he started planning said distraction campaign himself. Remus had always known Sirius would find Lily becoming as much family as the four of them difficult and, he was quite sure, she would become family. Sirius and Peter may not want to admit it, but it hadn’t just been the death of James’ parents that had changed him. It spoke volumes, Remus thought, that it took longer for Sirius to accept that Lily might as well know sooner rather later than it took to persuade him Remus wasn’t going anywhere.

Of course, that made what happened in January that much more horrifically, gut-wrenchingly worse.

He hadn’t seen either Sirius or James since he’d had them all thrown out of the hospital wing the morning after. When they’d confessed. He’d only allowed Peter in since then. He didn’t want to hear James try to tell him that Sirius hadn’t meant to, or look at him and feel the crushing, sick relief that James had been there to pull Snape out in time. He also couldn’t bear the thought of Sirius being alone with his guilt and the thought of James being with him to stop him doing anything else monumentally stupid was reassuring. However, he felt even sicker when he thought about that, so he pretended he didn’t care.

The common room seemed empty when he limped in, unsurprising given that it was the middle of the afternoon. What was more surprising was that, at second glance, it wasn’t empty at all. Not quite. Lily Evans sat on the sofa near the fire, just looking at him, taking in the new scars and bandages she could see. He took a breath.

“Don’t you have class, Evans?”

“Don’t you?”

At her gentle question, Remus was suddenly, bone-achingly tired and sick of it all. He dragged his feet over to the sofa and sat down facing her, knotting his fingers together. Her cool hand covered his and he looked at her for moment, assessing her - quiet, waiting, understanding - and then he started talking.

Words just started coming from his mouth, boldly assuming that she knew already. And she did, there was the briefest flutter of her eyelashes before those bright green eyes were back on his face and her fingers squeezed his hand. He’d barely got to why the Whomping Willow was there before he felt tears pricking at the backs of his eyes, a humiliating lump in his throat. But her hands were soft and soothing and he pushed on through it. It was only when he had to tell her that the reason Snape had been there was that Sirius had betrayed The Secret that he lost it completely. Eleven years of secrecy, pain, blinding trust and putting on a brave face because people got so upset all the time finally crushed him further than he could hold himself together. He tried to be mortified, covered his face with his hands as it contorted around his tears and finally just bent double to hide it properly but she’d moved so his head ended up in her lap, her arms solid around him, her cheek resting gently on his back as she bent her body over his. He could feel her breathing above him, deep and rhythmic. If she was upset she was very good at hiding it. And he couldn’t bring himself to care regardless. So he cried.

He never cried, not by himself, because if he cried alone inevitably he’d cry in front of someone. And he never cried in front of anyone. His father’s face would screw up the way it did when he was feeling at his most guilt-ridden, his mother would cry with him, James would scoff and do something else so he didn’t have to see, Peter would try so hard to make him feel better Remus would feel bad just listening to him and Sirius….Sirius would laugh at him, he thought acidly, ignoring the part of him clamouring that he wouldn’t and he’d be so hurt to think that Remus thought so. He didn’t care. It was kind of blissful.

Lily had started stroking his hair, saying she was so sorry, that she should have known earlier, should have tried to help. He was too busy crying and being utterly bemused she thought so to even try and tell her that wasn’t necessary. It felt so very freeing, being in her arms, releasing it all without worrying about her. Lily was stronger than the four of them combined, he’d never been in any doubt about that.

It lasted until he was all but boneless, face itchy and raw with crying. He heard the portrait open and went rigid, immediately going to pull away. Lily’s arms, however, had gone suddenly vice-like and he wasn’t about to force the issue so he stayed put, strangely happy to let her lead.

Whoever it was hadn’t said anything, but he felt her shake her head after a moment.

“He’ll be fine.”

Her voice was soft but very firm.

“You know then.”

Shit. James. Sounding hollow and very unlike himself, but still James.

He tried to sit up again but her arms tightened to counter him and she put enough weight behind it he’d have had to slip into strength he shouldn’t have in order to dislodge her. He didn’t.

“I know.”

“Look, he didn’t…”

“I don’t care right now. And neither does Remus.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I’ve decided for him.”

“But…”

“James Potter. I’m sure he didn’t mean it. But, so help me, if you ask Remus to forgive him right now, at this moment, I’m going to hex you to Hogsmeade and back. I think he’s earned the right to decide when he moves on from dealing with nearly killing someone to forgiving his…”

She faltered and Remus abruptly realised there was something left in him to break. “Sirius.” she continued, recovering. “His Sirius.”

How sweet, Remus thought. She was either worried James didn’t know or suspected that they’d never used words like that about themselves, ever. She’d started stroking his back again absently, like she didn’t know she was doing it. James was very quiet for a moment. When he spoke again his voice was more like normal and very clearly aimed at Remus.

“Pete’s bringing an obscenely large Honeydukes order in later, mate. He’ll put on his sad face if you don’t have at least some.”

“James.”

“I was wondering if, in repayment, I could get you to help him with that homework from Binns?”

“James…”

He spoke over her as if she wasn’t there. Remus recognised the tone. This was Marauder-speak.

“I know I said I’d help him but we have plans, you see, you know how it is.”

And there it was, what Lily still wasn’t quite family enough to understand yet. He squeezed her leg as he felt her breathe in to speak again and she stayed quiet. He didn’t blame her for not understanding the intricate ways boys talked around difficult subjects to save each other face. All he knew was another great weight had been temporarily lifted, the idea of an evening with a happy Pete (he was always happy when either he had sweets or his friends were happy and the chocolate would ensure both) far more appealing than what he had been expecting. He swallowed a few times to try and get some kind of moisture into his throat.

“He’d better have the cinder toffee chocolates.”

He’d only ever heard James laugh with that much relief in his voice when Lily had first said yes to him.

“Buckets of them, mate, he knows they’re your favourite. We’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

Remus heard him leave and Lily sat back, allowing him to as well. He scraped at his face with his sleeve, leaning back on the arm of the sofa. She was looking at where James had left, something soft and curious on her face. It made him want to smile for some reason.

“Did he just agree to keep Sirius out of the dorm tonight?”

He nodded at her, feeling lighter than he had in years.

“I’ve told you before, you’ve only ever got the worst of him.”

She looked puzzled. An idea came to him, riding in on a wave of gratitude to them both, nothing like a debt repaid, but was a start. He grinned at her weakly, his face feeling like it was only just remembering how.

“I didn’t even get round to telling you about his Animagus idea before I started blubbing everywhere, did I?”

Her mouth dropped open.

“His what?!”

//FIN

#writing #harry potter #lily evans #remus lupin #marauders #mywriting

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