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ameftowriter · 1 year

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Pokemon SV fic: What have you done, my dear friend?

FINALLY!! Oh man it took me a few days to write and edit this but here it is! I wrote this when I was inspired by @k-chips ‘s Dadvell AU. Check her art as well for that AU, its quite beautiful :3

Either way, I even wrote this while there was downtime on my night shift.

So I hope you all enjoy this! Thank you for reading!

Ao3 Link in the replies

WARNING: MAJOR POKEMON SV ENDING SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

"Sada?!" Clavell drove around the middle layer of Area Zero as he yelled despite knowing it was of no use as he searched for his friend, "Sada! Where are you?!"

Clavell grumbled as he let Cyclizar drive deeper down to the crater.

"I swear to Arceus if I find you, Sada…"

He sighed for the nth time. He knew that he's going to be in a ton of trouble just being in Area Zero. But he had to come here.

He needed answers.

And he needed them now.

It's been a few months since Arven and his Mabosstiff came into the crater by themselves and ran into something that gravely injured the Pokemon. Since then, Arven had grown cold and distant to everyone else. Clavell has since then taken responsibility for them, but that still really didn't solve anything. He tried, he really tried like hell to contact her. The real biological mother of Arven, Professor Sada. He wanted to know what it was that attacked Arven and Mabosstiff. How strong it must be to gravely injure a Pokemon like that.

He wanted to know why she never bothered to reach out to them.

He knew that she was buried in her research. She always was, ever since they met. He knew she was too busy to even take care of a child. He knew that…

That…

He knew her well. He was the only person that would be considered her friend. They worked together on the Tera Orb technology. It's how he and even later his new colleague, Jacq met the young boy.

And now he's the only one who has been there for him.

Clavell has tried to contact her since the incident. Calls, emails, texts, instant messaging… anything he could use at his disposal to contact Sada at this Arceus-forsaken hole in the middle of the region. But it was all to no avail. It was just nothing. Radio silence.

So now, he's resolved to jump into Area Zero in secret, in search of this boy's mother.

He stopped at the 3rd Research Station for a break and to rest his Cyclizar. He sat himself on the bed and opened up his sandwich for his lunch. He realized then that this place hadn't been used in a while. There were vines all around the outer walls. There was quite a layer of dust in the desk and bed and he had to clean up a bit in order for him to actually relax. He knew that ever since the end of the Tera Orb project, that most of the assistants, including himself, had gone on to do other research. Only Sada and a couple of assistants had stayed behind.

But he recently met up with them just before he became the Director of Naranja Academy. They were mostly quiet about the project as they were asked by Sada herself to keep this secret. But they did tell him that something has gone wrong with Professor Sada once the Tera Orb project ended. Ever since her husband, Turo left her unexpectedly one day, they had barely even seen her or let alone even talked to her. The last time one of them spoke to her, they were met with nothing but rage. Over something as simple as her needing rest. The assistants then both agreed to leave after that. Not only was Sada getting more volatile, but they felt there was something… something deeper down the depths of Area Zero, that was far, far more dangerous than they first thought.

As Clavell finished his sandwich, and fed his Pokemon, he stretched himself, mounted his Cyclizar once more, and headed off deeper into the crater.

He entered a large cave that gave him a path to bring him lower and lower down the crater. On the way he saw a lot of unusual Pokemon wandering around. Most of them he has rarely seen in the wild and even saw wild Glimmora which was never recorded to have ever been spotted in the wild. In fact, he only knew what it was, when he first met the newest Top Champion, Geeta. He saw that there were more Tera Crystals around and some had even grown larger than he last saw them, and saw had crept closer to the entrance. He managed to evade many Pokemon around him and found his way into the 4th Research Station.

He's been here before of course, he spent a lot of time in this research station before. It was closer to the Tera Crystals for him to study and collect samples from. Plus he used to be Champion rank himself, so he was allowed here due to his battling prowess.

He dismounted Cyclizar and returned him back to its ball.

He found it quite odd though, normally there would be other Pokemon casually roaming around this area, but now, he hasn't seen any near this station at all.

He knocked at the Station doors despite knowing that no one would be there to answer anyway, and opened it himself.

What he saw in the station was something he could never forget …

Cables were strewn all over the floor, the giant metal canisters had fallen over, various machines broken as if they were physically torn apart by hand. Human? No, impossible. It must be a Pokemon's doing. But he remembered how sturdy everything in these stations were. Not even Dodonzos or Gagrnacls could wreck the place. He could then see that tera crystals have slowly crept in from the crevices of the walls. The power was shut down from this station, as he expected to see sparks coming from the disaster he walked in, but there were none. He couldn't even get the light switches to turn on.

Using his Rotom phone's flashlight app, he looked around the mess. The only thing he could see upright was the little command centre. He jokingly commented once before how these little things could survive a nuclear disaster. He didn't think he was actually correct.

Judging from the wreckage, he knew something went loose in here. But what kind of Pokemon could do such massive damage here?

Just then he felt something on his shoe, he peered down along with his phone, and saw that there was some sort of liquid dried up on the floor, staining it. It came from underneath one of the canisters… It was dark, dark… red? Brown?? Black??

Wait…

It…

It's….

No….

It looked like b—

"Who's in here?!"

A familiar voice quickly grabbed Clavell's attention away from the stains. His head snapped up and looked towards the source of the voice. And there he saw… he finally saw the woman he was looking for.

"Sada!"

"Clavell?!" Sada was shocked to see her friend down here. "What is Arceus's name are you doing down here?!"

Clavell blinked as he tried to just absorb the question thrown at him and then again.

'So Sada's here…' He thought… for a second he thought the stain was… that it belonged to… 'So this stain couldn't be…?'

"Clavell? Hey! Are you all right?" Sada asked him with great concern, "I overheard a Cyclizar coming down here so I went to check. I didn't expect to see you down here."

'Wait… how did she know it was a Cyclizar?' Clavell was confused, Cyclizars are typically not loud when they are driven. But then quickly changed the topic, as he had more priorities. "Sada. I came down here to look for you."

"For me?" Sada wondered, "How come?"

"Sada…" Clavell shook his head and sighed. He stepped outside the station to approach his friend, "Arven was here. A few months ago."

"He was?!" The professor was shocked to hear that from him. "Wait! What was he doing in here?"

"He was looking for you Sada!" Clavell quickly shot his answer at her as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. "Your son came down here all on his own to search for his mother who has barely sent an email to him for the past year!"

"I was… I've been…"

"Busy. We know." Clavell finished it for her. Every word dripped with sarcasm. "And do you know what happened to him, Sada? He got hurt. And what's worse, the only thing he had that was a semblance of a family is Mabosstiff. Or do you only remember him as a Maschiff? Either way, Mabosstiff got gravely injured while protecting him."

"Oh no…" Sada muttered as she felt incredibly guilty as she heard the news, "Is he?"

"No… Thank Arceus he isn't." Clavell shook his head, and pushed his glasses back up, "But Jacq and I, I hope you still remember him, have tried everything at our disposal to heal him. We've asked every professor in the world for help and while we have made some progress, none can't even guarantee if he'll ever be back to his old self again!"

Clavell, safe to say, was furious. The second reason why he came down here was to just tell Sada off. It felt wrong to him for doing something so ungentleman-like. But seeing Arven and Mabosstiff in such a terrible state… he couldn't take it anymore. He felt so helpless just being unable to help them.

He was without a doubt, taking out his frustrations at her.

Sada remained silent. She turned away, not making eye contact with Clavell.

"Sada…" Clavell took a deep breath to calm himself down. "Arven. Your son. He misses you. More than you could ever imagine. He went here to look for you. He wanted to know. Just like I wanted to know…"

"Why won't you come back?"

Sada finally turned to face her friend. Clavell was not angry at the moment. He was…

To her, her friend was pleading with her.

"Clavell… I…" Sada muttered just enough for him to hear, "I can't…"

"I can't, what?!" Clavell demanded an answer, "Why? Is there a reason that we don't know, why you can't leave this Arceus-forsaken hole?"

"I just can't leave Clavell…"

"Then tell me why?!" He repeated himself, but there was no response from his friend. "We just want to know!"

"I'm sorry…" was the only thing Sada could muster.

"Don't tell me that." Clavell shook his head, "Tell that to Arven. To Mabosstiff."

Clavell clenched his fists as he tried to restrain himself.

"His father left both of you when he could barely remember him. And now you left him for… for this!" He waved his hand and pointed at the wrecked station, "And now you're just going to let him lose the only family he has left?!"

Silence once more.

"Answer me Sada! Anything!" Clavell pleaded, "Anything to just… explain this?! Is it really worth leaving your loved ones behind?! Your friends! Sada, please…"

Professor Sada instead turned away, back facing her friend. She couldn't answer him. She couldn't even begin to try to answer him.

So Clavell took that silence as his answer.

"Very well…" Clavell pushed his glasses back, "Very well, Sada. I shall take my leave then."

He brought out his Cyclizar and gave him a good pat. As he mounted his ride, he then said to her .

"Despite all of that, Arven is surprisingly doing well."

Sada bit her lip but didn't show it to him.

"He's a strong young man. More than I could ever imagine." He continued, "I'm proud of him despite all of it."

Sada didn't reply.

"I'm going to take them in." Clavell declared to her as he refused to look at his friend anymore. "I'll take full custody of them. I'll take care of them. And they'll finally have a home. With me."

If Sada could cry right now, she would. Instead she replied.

"Thank you… and good luck…"

“You have no right to say that, my dear friend…”

Clavell didn't say anymore and drove away. Away from this hole. And away from her.

Sada turned her head just to see, to see if her friend had left the caves. Just so she wouldn't be seen.

Just so he wouldn't see the truth…

She entered the wrecked station, walked towards the large stain, then looked at what was peeking out underneath the canister.

"I'm sorry…" Sada? said as her eyes glowed red. "I'm so sorry my dear friend…"

She rolled out the canister to reveal the horrible truth underneath.

"I cannot tell you. I cannot tell you this…" AI Sada lamented, "You and Arven… deserve better… better than this…"

"You two… would be happier if you didn't know about truth…"

Clavell felt bad deep down. He had just exploded in front of his dear friend because he was frustrated at himself. But he wanted to tell her all of that. He didn't know what else to say to her in the first place.

And yet something…. Something is telling him that the entire interaction with Sada felt very off.

It is as if he wasn’t talking to the real Sada in the first place.

But he was so sure that he was talking to her. It was no illusion, there were no Pokemon around them. It was just Sada and the broken down research station.

Come to think of it, he never looked much deeper into the stain he found. He assumed it was just a chemical spill.

It's just….

It's just that Sada he talked to….

Was it really her?

Was it really his dear friend?

Was it?

Deep down… he knew something was up. He knew something was wrong with this….Sada…

If that is the case then is Sada….?

Clavell went home and never spoke word to anyone, not to Jacq, not to Arven. About what he did that day.

________________

The crystal pillars lowered down back to the ground as the AI Sada tried to put herself back together. She thanked Juliana, for her hard work and perseverance despite the challenges to be able to shut down the Time Machine once and for all.

AI Sada felt relief. That's what her emotional calculations concluded. It was a great relief that her struggles would be no more.

"Julie!"

"Jules!"

"Little buddy!

"Miss Juliana!"

Four voices rang out as the two saw the remainder of the group rush to their friend's side.

"Wha–" Penny was the first to notice the robot standing right infront of them. "What is this?!"

"Did you already beat all the baddies without me?!" Nemona added with a hint of disappointment, as she wanted to join in the battling.

"Is this…" Clavell then spoke as he tried to piece the situation together, "What I think it is? Sada? You really made it didn’t you?”

But Arven wanted an answer to a more pressing question. "Ok, out with it, you…"

Juliana and Clavell looked at Arven with great concern.

"Who are you, really?!"

That feeling… that feeling deep down within Clavell began to resurface again. As he looked at his…. Friend?? Her body is all stiff, unblinking, and with twitching movements…. As if she wasn’t even a human… as if she was a…

"Th-thank you… for… everything…." Her voice was soft but filled with buzzes and static. It is now obvious to anyone who she really was. "The time machinӘ… has final|y… ShӘ has…. fina|ly… bæn stoppӘd…"

"S-Sada?" Clavell managed to utter out.

"You're really not… my mom, are you?" It was hard for Arven to say it, but he braced himself for the truth…

"I'm sorry …" AI Sada looked at Clavell first. "I am so sorry, my dear friӘnd… tha7 I… |… I had to liӘ to you… back thӘn… didn't wan7 to… upsӘ7 you morӘ…"

"Wait what?!" Arven turned to Clavell only to see that the man whom he called a parent, turned pale, eyes wide, and fingers shaking, "You… you know about this…?"

"Sada…" Clavell could only say… as the horrific realization came to him. "You… can't be…"

Then AI Sada turned to face Arven this time… She wanted to shed tears… for him… She knows she can't, but the feeling is all too real. Whether it was made by her codes telling her so or not.

"Oh… Look… how big you'vӘ grown…" AI Sada managed to say with the sweetest voice, despite that it was all robotic. She meant it… she felt it… emotional calculations or not. She truly felt this emotion of love and pride. "5o… p-proud of you… my…"

Her voice disappeared for a second. She tried to say it. She tried to say the word she wanted to say so badly. But the emotions… it's telling her, stopping her. Telling her that she shouldn't say that… Because she cared, she cared so much for him.

So she instead said, ".... sorry… you wӘre alone s-so… |ong ArvӘ—-"

"M-Mom?!" Arven could only say instinctively…

Then the surrounding crystals within the room turned a deep scarlet colour.

Security System failure!

Threat to time machine detected!

The robotic voice filled the room and filled the room with a buzzing alarm.

"Wh-wh-whoa! What's going on now?" Penny spoke up, scared of what would happen next.

"Is another army of Pokemon on its way here?!" Nemona was ready to battle once more, but for once, she too was worried of what was to come.

The group turned to face each other, back and forth, looking around to see where the robotic voice came from. Trying to understand was happening right now.

It was not good.

"|t…. cannot bӘ–!" AI Sada looked up, as the program began to take over her systems.

An obstacle is preventing the time machine from performing as intended.

Activating Paradise Protection Protocol to remove the offending obstacle..

The elevator doors where the group came from then shut itself. Everyone took a step back but then realized they were already trapped.

"Wha–?! Was kӘӘping the time maɔhine running truly all thӘ profӘssor cared about?!" AI Sada was horrified. She was made as the exact duplicate of her creator, her emotions, reactions, movements, were all based off calculations based off the real Professor's personality. And yet… this…. This was something she did not expect at all… Or rather…

This is something she thought her creator would never try to do.

Locking all Poke Balls except those registered to Sada's ID.

"Wait what?!" Nemona looked at her Pokeball and tried to call her partner out of it. But she couldn't. Her Pokemon couldn't come out of the ball, no matter what she tried.

Penny pulled out her phone, as she tried to unjam the systems blocking their poke balls.

Juliana then turned to look at the AI, hoping she could give them an answer.

Instead...

Program initializing…

Gathering Terastal energy…

The AI had tera crystals, creeping out from underneath her feet.

"|'m sorry childrӘn, I'm sorry my dær friӘnd… " the crystals grew from her feet, legs, her coat, to her hands, her body… as if she herself was being Terastallized.

"This is al| too much for you…."

AI Sada slowly stretched out her arm… she wanted to reach out to her son. All she felt then was her own will, slowly being overtaken by the will of her own deceased creator.

She looked at Arven, at Clavell, at Juliana, at Nemona, at Penny… She was scared, terrified even. Because she now know what this is capable of.

She knows what this Protocol will do to her and to her friends.

She knows that she would lose all control of herself.

She knows that she would no longer function as Sada.

She knows that she would become nothing more than a cold and cruel machine…

Dead set on removing everything and everyone that is in the way … no matter what the cost…

"You… must… run…!"

Arven took a step forward, he wanted to reach out to her, to save her. Despite the dangers, he wanted to… save her…

AI Sada disabled.

Paradise Protection Protocol initialized.

The black platforms rose once more, lifting the Paradise Machine up to prepare it for the final sweep. To remove everything. To eliminate everything that is not part of the Paradise.

For Paradise must be maintained no matter what!

"Oh Sada…." Clavell trembled as he feared for the worst, "My dear friend…. What have you done?!"

"You are no7 getting in my way!"

You are challenged by AI Sada!

You are challen?ed by the Paradise Protec?ion Protocol!

AI Sada has no intention of fighting anymore!

You are challenged by the Paradise Protection Protocol!

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saturniandevil · 11 months

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June 2023 Important Dates

AKA my notes on The Astrology Podcast's June forecast.

Recap of May: The Pluto station in Aquarius (1st of 38!) coincided with a major AI engineer leaving Google and related conversations with software engineers at the White House. Guest hose Kirah Tabourn connects the WGA strike with Mercury's retrograde (disruption in communications) approaching Uranus in a Venus-ruled sign (arts). We're also finally getting some lunations free of eclipse season. Speaking of eclipses, which have indicated major changes in rulership since ancient times (ex. a clay tablet from 331BC ties Alexander the Great's defeat of Darius to a concurrent eclipse), Charles II was also crowned king of England under the eclipse early this month, and while it's an intensification of his natal transits, Austin says it's an electional chart he wouldn't recommend--perhaps indicating the fall of a dynasty. The eclipse also coincided with the passing of Ellen Black, one of the founders of Project Hindsight (translation of ancient astrology texts directly into English).

Overall June has few big rearrangement, in contrast to the tumult of April and May. We're out of eclipse season and Mercury has gone direct, though some sign ingresses this month give us hints as to what's coming this summer.

June 3rd - Full Moon in Sagittarius This full moon occurs while Mercury & Uranus are approaching an exact conjunction. With both benefics in aversion to the lights (one of whom rules the Moon), this lunation wants to be grounded but can't quite get there. Jupiter wants to understand things to improve them, and is in a position to help us, as he's being received by Venus with a line of communication (sextile) between them. Our hosts are drawing heavily from Formicus today, who describes extreme bad cases with certain aspects, but suggests mitigating factors that may lessen or negate difficult effects, one of which is this conversation between benefics.

June 4th - Mercury conjoins Uranus

June 5th - Venus enters Leo She will retrograde in this sign on July 22nd, and will enter the shadow period (degrees she'll revisit while changing direction) this month. She'll be chasing Mars this month and for the first half of July. Though never exactly conjunct, they'll be copresent. Venus-Mars is not subtle, and even louder in Leo. Drawing from horary significations, this may indicate something that seems to start but never quite comes together. That being said, there's still a lot of drama as two planets light up the same house of our chart. We may fight over the spotlight or misperceptions of our egos; expect a double dose of sex scandals & celebrity drama.

This retrograde also ties back to Venus's previous Leo retrogrades, most recently the summers of 2015 and 2007, so you may be going back to complete something unfinished. For example, a Venus-Jupiter conjunction then effectively legalized same-sex marriage in the US, but now Jupiter is squaring her. Pluto is also squaring her for the first part of this transit, as well as the nodes, indicating power dynamics and confusion (the North Node tells you to hold on while the South Node urges you to let go). Overall, this is a good time to audit the contradictions we feel in our relationships. Hold some space for that back-and-forth ambivalence, because we'll make it out the other side with some clarity--but you can't get the answer six weeks early while you're still in the process.

Venus also signifies creative processes, especially the arts, so be prepared for your projects to take some time. Let it twist and turn where it needs to go. The change of direction in the sky gives us a chance to change our direction internally as well. Venus's actual retrograde will happen with plenty of communication with Jupiter, so the road into the retrograde may look scarier than the retrograde itself (though first we must deal with the unexpected disruptions Uranus brings us by squaring Venus on the day of her station).

June 11th - Pluto regresses to Capricorn, Mercury enters Gemini Pluto has only explored the first degree of Aquarius before returning to the themes first begun in 2008 (our hosts especially predict banking & finance themes). However, Mercury's trek through his home sign should speed up our conversations, movements, and thoughts. A square to Saturn slows him down a little, but once he clears those degrees we should be moving.

June 17th - Saturn stations Retrograde This is his first station in Pisces and as far as he'll get into the sign this year (7 degrees). Early degrees of mutable signs will feel this transit the most--think an ocean of lead. The square to Mercury brings some tension: Mercury wants to skate around the big heavy issues that we can't help, while Saturn wants to take a long time to work on deep healing and is annoyed by the light conversation.

Around the 19th, Jupiter will sextile Saturn exactly, and with the reception between them (Saturn is in Jupiter's sign), there's a positive stabilizing influence. We've got some options for how to deal with the difficulties--or settle into the years of work they require. This is the first exact aspect between them since the ingress into Aquarius in 2020, which began a new cycle. This is the first new chapter of the 20-year long story, especially involving world events. We've got a balance between pessimism and optimism--the course is stabilized.

June 18th - New Moon in Gemini, Auspicious date The Moon conjoins the Sun at 26Gemini, closely squaring Neptune (27♓) just 12 days before his station. This is a very good Moon for being creative, like sci-fi and fantasy, artists and musicians, or for doing something creative as a change of pace. It's also a good time for socializing and having fun. Think storytelling and myths as a social function and using healthy doses of escapism. Ask: what kind of story am I in right now? Sometimes roles shift and it takes us awhile to realize who we are now. A few days later, Venus will hit 12 degrees of Leo, which is where she'll station direct after the retrograde.

This is also the date of this month's auspicious election (around 11:56AM local time):

The chart has Virgo rising, ruled by Mercury in the 10th house at 12 degrees of Gemini (who has cleared that square with Saturn and is riding the high of a sextile to Venus (11♌)). This is a great chart for career matters and public reputation (10th house)--anything that requires direct and quick communication. This is also good for 11th house matters like friends and social groups: the Moon is applying to a sextile with Jupiter in Taurus, who himself is in the 9th house of religion, philosophy, and foreign travel, and applying to a balancing sextile with Saturn (who, though in the 8th house, is more cooperative in a day chart and feels the stabilizing influence of Jupiter). Thus this chart is good for 9th house matters as well. Both the Moon & Ascendant ruler are in very good shape during this chart.

June 21st - Sun enters Cancer (A/N: The beginning of summer in the Northern Hemisphere!)

June 25th - Mars square Uranus (not pictured) We've had some Mars issues lately between eclipses, retrogrades, and fall placement, but know we've also got a bit of instability/sparking the powder keg coming up. Alternately, our stability may be stress-tested.

June 26th - Mercury enters Cancer In a few days on the 30th he'll have a cazimi (exact conjunction to the Sun), resetting his synodic cycle. Austin says this configuration will further add to a deeper understanding of where we're at in life. Chris brings up the Gnostic/Hermetic concepts of gnosis and gnos, where we each have a spark of the divine within us (gnos) and occasionally glimpse the greater pattern as represented within us (gnosis).

June 30th - Neptune stations Retrograde

#forecast #transits #june 2023 #venus retrograde #saturn retrograde #venus in leo #mercury in gemini #jupiter in taurus #pluto retrograde

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satashiiwrites · 11 months

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WIP Whenever

So. @quietborderline knows this but I’ve been debating a major re-write and finishing of An Andromeda Tale after the whole… taking of my words thing last month and it’s really been sticking with me. I’m currently working on my WIP Big Bang (yay for trying to write 50k in a month!) which I can’t share per the rules of the Bang… and I’ve been outlining my July Rough Trade project which is going to be quite the fandom departure for me as well.

I may have overcommitted to things is what i’m saying… but i’m also seriously going to try and edit AAT… and have a regular posting schedule (yeah I know i’m not great with deadlines). So. For WIP Wednesday/Whenever… have a partially rewritten prologue with some new chapter art (aka procrastination at its finest).

Tagged by @outtoshatter and no-pressure tagging @monsterrae1 @alyxmastershipper @tkwritesdumbassassins @missanniewhimsy @megasaurus-regina @westernlarch @kikiroo @whimsyswastry and whoever else wants to play along.

Banner by radio chatter.

Title: An Andromeda Tale: The Making of a Pathfinder and a King, Book 1, Prologue.

Fandom: Mass Effect Andromeda

Pairing: Endgame for everything is MReyder. There’s a bunch of other pairings that make an appearance in the course of the story including some OCs.

Summary:

Scott Ryder never saw his life going this way, not that anyone ever asked him his opinion. Now he's pathfinder with too many people depending on his young shoulders and trying to figure out what he actually wants for himself. Reyes Vidal, man of mystery, former pilot and now sometimes smuggler. Who knows where he came from or his motivations but he's come to Andromeda to change his destiny. What neither Scott nor Reyes could have predicted is what their lives would be once they came to Andromeda.

Tags/warnings: first revision (aka Grammerly committed manslaughter) version that needs more editing and re-writing, Alec Ryder’s A++ parenting. Aging the Ryder twins up slightly as well as Reyes because I can.

From the journal of S Ryder, 2185 CE December 3rd (2 days prior to launch of Ark Hyperion)

No one asked me what I wanted to do in life or if I wanted to do this. My life’s path has been chiefly decided by forces outside of my control, first my career path into the systems alliance as a marine, then my career determination of spec ops as a biotic, and on to N School for training. Nowhere for me to go but obtain the same designation as my father or else be seen as a failure. No one asked me if I liked my life in the Marines—had I been asked, I’d made do with my options and felt at times that someday I’d be happy with life as a marine and exploring the galaxy one boring posting at a time.

Sure, my last posting made it clear I would go nowhere once The Arrest™️ happened.

Thanks, Dad. My career really needed you to participate in and run illegal AI research. You could have at least tried not to get caught with your hand in the government funding cookie jar and make it extra licentious.

The bottom line? When you’re the only son of a famous N7 Operative, options may seem open, but they really aren’t.

My twin sister, Sara, somehow got herself out of the situation I found myself boxed into. I love Sara, but some days I hate that she got out. Then again, getting out isn’t what she seems to have wanted in the first place.

My father, Alec Ryder—yeah, the disgraced N7 who has been in the press and got arrested for illegal AI research—has pulled off the ultimate guilt trip. Sara didn’t require any guilt. She’s joined of her own accord. I’m to report to processing tomorrow at 0730 for the Andromeda Initiative, and I’m going into cryo tomorrow evening.

Dear old Dad is playing God with my life and has made it clear that Andromeda is the only option left for me.

Since I’ve lost the few friends I can talk about anything with after signing the non-disclosure agreements this afternoon, I’ve decided to follow the suggestions of an old captain. When you can’t talk about it with anyone without destroying your security clearance, try processing through writing and then destroy the evidence or encrypt the hell out of it.

I’m going to try writing down my feelings and covering them with enough encryption that Dad can’t get into—I’ve learned a lot more tech skills than the last time Dad decided I couldn’t have my own thoughts as a teenager. Hopefully, he’ll finally have learned to let me have my own thoughts and space (boundaries aren’t a new concept, Dad). And if no one ever reads this? Well, then, this journal is just for me and whoever manages to break into it--hopefully far in the future when I’m dead, and it doesn’t matter anyway.

In the short time I’ve had to think about this, I’m worried about what we’ll find when we get to Andromeda. Then again, something is coming—something terrible. The rumors that Commander Shepard isn’t dead and that something bad is happening with the Collectors—I’m not sure how much I trust what I’ve heard and not heard. The rumors around the outpost weren’t reassuring before I left, but something has the vets spooked. I suppose running away to Andromeda might be less risky if the rumors are true. But why do I feel like I’m running away from my duty then? I don’t know how to process everything lately. I suppose I’ll just have to be a professional and take the role Dad’s giving me. Maybe I’ll figure things out on the way.

I did see Sara before she went to final checks today—one last meal together in the Milky Way. She told me she was looking forward to a grand adventure as a family. She’s so optimistic about Andromeda—it’s hard to be concerned when she’s so happy. From my perspective, we’ve never done something as a family that’s ended well. Maybe this time, it’ll actually happen. I haven’t really been around or available for Sara since Mom died. I regret not doing what Mom wanted, but I thought maybe I could make my own choices and be a real, proper adult for once. Mom would be happy I’m going—I just wish I could have had the option to say no or yes. I don’t know if I’d be here if it were my choice. I’m ending things here for today. Hopefully, I’ll have time to write before the deep, frozen sleep of 600 years.

#an andromeda tale #mreyder #mass effect andromeda #AAT-rewrites #Wip whenever #wip wednesday #scott ryder #epic slow burn

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melis-hellis · 1 year

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Onward's 3rd Anniversary - A (Long) Self-Reflection Post

three years. three gosh darn years old. you're not allowed to be three years old, onward.

the world has obviously changed a lot since this humble pixar film came into my life. when it released, i was an 18-year-old in senior year of high school, and now i'm a 21-year-old junior in college. animation has changed a whole lot, and has been challenged by the perpetrators of the stigma more than ever. and for me...well, there have been a ton of developments in just these past several months.

for two and a half years, this film was my entire life. it was the only thing i thought about. i created tons of art and stories to expand upon this universe that deserved more love. i adored and connected with the characters...i hadn't quite related to a pixar film this much. i connected with the depiction of loving siblings, the emotions, the fantasy world...i've adored animated films before, but not to this extent.

and despite the film's unfortunate reputation - viruses, lawsuits, lesbian cops and all - i wasn't alone in my love. there was a small group of people on this very website who shared my love for this underrated gem, and we came together to create amazing things. we lifted each other up during dark times, and while things weren't always perfect, we powered through.

what's so unique about this particular anniversary is that this is the first one where i'm not active in the fandom. in fact, i'm not the only one who's inactive - most of my friends have also moved on to other things. but our love never went away. if my love went away, i wouldn't be writing out this post. but i'll be honest - i tried to draw a fanart last night, and i couldn't put anything on that procreate canvas. and it breaks my heart because i wish i could put out something like fanart today. but given my business with other fandoms, this post will suffice.

my one major goal i had in this fandom was to complete at least one season of my fanmade series. and that i did - my series was loved throughout this small fandom and seeing the reactions every time i posted an episode warmed my heart. on onward's 2nd anniversary - one year ago today - i completed the first season and started preparing for the second one. by the end of may i began scripting, and i was really getting in the groove...until late june.

something started feeling off by the end of june. i didn't want to admit the possibility of my onward hyperfixation waning, but that's what it felt like. it felt like the magic was being sucked from me. i blame lightyear partially for this; the film was so underwhelming that it soured pixar a little bit for me, and between that and dreamworks coming back with banger movies again, it made me stop paying attention to disney for a bit. i began looking back at older fandoms again.

july and august came and went, and while i still had a bit of onward motivation in me, it wasn't enough to continue writing. i did all i could - but nothing would bring it back up.

then i started junior year of college on august 22nd, 2022. a few days before, the whole warner discovery HBO max fiasco went down, and put the future of TAWOG - one of my old special interests - in jeopardy. while that special interest was a in a dark place...the youtube channel of the special interest i had directly before disney/pixar/onward hit one million subscribers.

in the 2010's caddicarus fandom, the prospect of him hitting one million subs felt like a legend. something that wouldn't really happen. back when i came along in 2014, he was projected to hit one million in 2017, as this was his peak in popularity. but as time went on, that 1 million goal moved further and further away as jim kept steering the channel into its demise. he had no self-awareness and felt he had to grind and pop out videos like rabbits to keep his numbers up...which, if you were a fan at the time, you probably knew was not true. the videos lost their quality and magic...and, funnily enough...i lost my patience on march 7th, 2019.

i unsubbed that day, but i'd been irritated with the channel's output for a while before that.

of course, if you know me, you know the story - exactly one year later, i saw onward in theaters with my sister and my life was changed. after a year of changing between many different fandoms - jontron, game grumps, seeing TAWOG for the last time before its finale, vinesauce, ducktales - pixar was now my new special interest home. the subsequent lockdown was a time where i produced tons of edits, fanarts, and fanfiction experiments.

on the caddicarus side of things, jim almost shut down the channel in late 2019 as his numbers were at their absolute worst. after having an epiphany at a convention in january 2020, he completely shook up his content style, and his channel was suddenly rejuvenated, bringing him the largest figures in the channel's history. before 2020, every caddicarus video gaining a minimum of 1 million views was completely unheard of, let alone none of the videos being under 30 minutes.

what's so ironic is that caddy began making banger videos again around the same time i got with onward. and yet i completely refused to watch them. i knew what was going on, i knew people were saying the newer videos were better. but i couldn't make myself watch them.

i had actually tried to come back for my 7th anniversary in august of 2021 - fun fact, my caddica-versary is august 21st, one day before august 22nd, aka what's now 1 million sub day - but i had just committed to my onward series, and i couldn't have another interest interrupting me.

so another year passes, and we're back at august 2022. i watch caddy cross over to 1 million subs, and it doesn't feel real at first.

i didn't immediately return to the fandom, but i knew in my mind that i needed to go somewhere as my onward hyperfix was thinning.

so what's the last thing i create in the onward fandom? do i draw an elaborate fanart? do i put out at least one episode of the second season i'd been hyping and pushing back for months? do i tease even more OCs and episode ideas? do i put out another chapter of that other fanfic i was writing? or a one-shot?

...on august 28th, 2022, the last things i ever created in the onward fandom were these two fortnite dancing gifs.

this reminds me a lot of alex lasarenko and his disney channel jingle. he's created a lot of breathtaking orchestral pieces - and yet the thing he's most known for are those four notes that have been used on the disney channel for over 20 years. for me and onward, the thing i go out on are these two silly gifs...and honestly? i don't mind that.

the following friday, i finally began watching the 2020-present caddicarus videos...and it was like falling in love with the channel all over again. i love both the original and current runs of the caddicarus show for completely different reasons - but the current run is the one i rewatch, quote, and remember the most of. because it's actually amazing.

needless to say, i resubbed that night, and i could comfortably call myself a caddicarus fan again.

something very funny about this is whole thing is that caddy says the word "onward" a whole lot. like, a whole lot. on interviews and streams, he usually brings up how new fans should only watch his videos from 2020 onwards. in his video talking about his merch box, he says the jokes and references within the box are from his videos from 2020 onwards.

it's like pixar had been sending me a subliminal message this whole time - onward (2020) came out just as caddy's videos became the best they've ever been. pixar was basically telling me "hey, caddy's moving onward too, so you should give his newer stuff a try and stop thinking he's living in the past".

here we are at onward's 3rd anniversary, and i'm still waiting for my caddicarus blu-ray to arrive. it'll be the first caddicarus merchandise i'll be able to hold in my hands and cherish - back when i was a teen, i couldn't just ask for caddicarus T-shirts as my parents couldn't find out that a swearing youtuber was my big special interest. and now, when that box arrives, i will have merchandise of all the major special interests i've had. i'd finally added the missing piece to the puzzle - or maybe for this case, a missing brick in the wall, or... the last check on the bucket list...

...and i've never felt more complete.

thank you pixar. thank you onward. thank you dan scanlon, kori rae, tom holland, chris pratt, literally everyone who made this movie a reality. no matter how much it's overlooked, memed on, dogged on, etc., there are people who adore this film for what it is and the emotions it has brought. it has helped me with many of my personal struggles, and to this day it stands as a glowing reminder that we should all strive to keep moving onward.

so, with all that said, keep putting it in O my friends. because you'll never be ready if you don't try.

#onward #pixar #pixar onward #onward pixar #disney #disney onward #onward disney

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maggyoutthere · 2 years

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Well this is something I wish I didn't had to do.

So yall know how Crossing Starfields was made in collaboration with @keixamie. She owns Nova and Amara and the hotel setting where a lot of the story takes place in. You might have also realized she no longer appeared credited at the beginning of each lore post. Why's that?

She'd been continuously going offline for weeks and it got extremely hard to talk to her. Like she would be completely gone for weeks at the time and I would never be able to get a hold of her. Luckily we had planned all of the au lore previously so it wasn't that big of an issue, but that's why at the beginning of the year CS entered an hiatus; the reason was to not put pressure on her and give her time to try and get her shit together.

Well, during that time, she kept going offline for weeks on end like I said. And, for 3 the months the au was on hiatus, I barely got to see if she was making an effort to actually work on anything, because she wouldn't even make an effort to talk to me. Around the beginning of May, we agreed to take a break from eachother for like 2 weeks (meaning she would be back around June 1st) because we realized things just weren't working out really well and we were starting to get frustrated at eachother. So two weeks came and went, and then she added to most of her socialmedias she'd be leaving the internet for around a month (until July 1st).

I was not informed of this in any capacity and had to find out through my other friends who noticed it. Suffice to say I was pretty disappointed. Clearly we weren't getting anywhere, and no matter how much patience, time and space I gave her to be happy, she only used that to bail on me for some reason. I suppose she's very anxious about being online, but that doesn't excuse it.

I view collaborations the same way movie companies view contracts. They give directors and other studios contracts to use their licensed characters and IPs for a specific amount of content and then the contract is over. So, that's exactly what I did with Crossing Starfields. Even if they were no longer around, I was determined to finish this all on my own if it had to be. All the art and writing you've seen? I did that, all of that. Since day 1, I was the one doing all the hard work.

If this post goes up, it should be July 3rd, and she's not yet reached out to me or responded to my message. I wanted to give keixamie time, to give her the benefit of the doubt one last time. Now that Crossing Starfields (as the main project) is done, I no longer get to post about Nova, Amara, or anything she had "contributed" to this au. The story itself will still exist, but I will no longer mention or reference them in my posts. Of course, White, Neut and White's dimension still belong to me, so I can use those as much as I want.

It's unfortunate how this ended tbh. This used to be such a passion project for the both of us, so I'm sad it turned into such a heavy burden to take on alone.

I'm not sure if she's just outright a bad person and doing this on purpose, or just has major anxiety issues, but when it's shown that despite me telling her about this so many times and her apologies and promises to change, she does no effort of actually trying to change, then I'm sorry but I stopped carrying. If she somehow ends up reading this, then I want to say that she can still message me if she wants. Yes, I'm angry at her, but I'm still willing to talk to her.

None of us are big enough content creators to even have to ask for this, but obviously don't go harass or annoy her. If she is really as anxious as she said, then I don't want anything happening to her because of some shitty """""""drama"""""""" on the internet.

Thanks for reading.

#maggy moment #@keixamie #crossing starfields #tw drama #i guess

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pulsetower · 1 year

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ATttMaN Devlog 11/2/2022

Hey, it's been a while, but I've been hard at work on A Trip to the Mall at Night. In the few months since I released the demo I've made a pretty good amount of progress.

When it comes to main story content the script of the game has been 100% completed and revised, and the game itself has reached around 30-35% completion of main story. The game will have a lot of sidequests and stuff to do other than the main story however those will be added after finishing the main story content to make sure development doesn't get sidetracked. I have no ballpark release date. I'm very busy, as I've just started college and this is a project I make in my spare time, but rest assured I will complete it. One day. To make the process smoother I am no longer the only developer of the game. It's now a two person job. I do the story, art, maps, scenes, and music and the other guy does the more gameplay side of things, fights, balancing, items, skills etc. He's a smart guy, and it's a hell of a lot more efficient than having to stop in my tracks completely and do trial and error game balancing.

So with all that out of the way, what have we done so far? Well the game obviously majority takes place in a mall so I suppose I'll tell you a little bit about that.

The Mall is a superstructure, a giant building the size of a city. It was created by a man named Seymour Bangks, the richest man to ever live. Originally it was just a massive hub for entertainment, but one day that all changed. When a major event occurred 2 years ago the mall went into lockdown. People can come in, but no one can leave. Inside this mall there are 5 floors and each floor is guarded by one of Bangks' appointed guardians. When Guy and the gang arrive they decide that they will team up and reach the top of the mall where they will confront Bangks and convince him to set everyone free. On this quest to the top they'll learn a lot about the world, the past, and themselves meeting some wacky characters along the way.

The first floor of the mall, most of the stores have shuttered by now

On the first floor we have your typical shopping mall, with stores, a food court, and access to the mall's exclusive sewer system. This floor's guardian is a disgruntled minimum wage pizza delivery guy who doesn't really care who gets through. He'd let you through if it weren't for the fact that a certain someone has decided to take over the food court and locked all the enterances. You'll have to go into the sewers to find the key to get past this floor.

The entrance to the sewer, it's a surprisingly nice place other than the smell.

The sewer is a very populated place, filled with all sorts of creatures. Rats, Alligators, Banana Peels, even Cockroaches. Most of them are friendly, but every once in a while some might attack. The sewer is a non linear dungeon, eventually you'll have to explore both sides, but they can be done in either order.

The Rat operated restaurant, Ratstaurant if you will

After navigating the sewer and helping out the people of the first floor you gain access to floor 2: The Park

A mysterious tent secluded from the rest of the park, nested atop the artificial mountain

The Park is an artificial environment created to simulate the feeling of the outdoors. People have setup tents all around the park, better living conditions than the first floor, but only marginally. The park is guarded by the mysterious T4. A man who operates the park's entertainment hub, The Night Club. The only way to reach the 3rd floor is through the notoriously difficult to navigate Funhouse and T4 is the only person who can grant someone access to the Funhouse. So the gang will have to travel to The Night Club to meet T4.

Radiohead has some hot takes on the music of the club.

The Night Club is a popular spot and in this section of the game we slow down and get to know our characters a little bit better. There's a bit of action as well, but I'll let you discover that yourself when you play the game.

Conclusion:

So I don't really know where else to put this stuff so I guess these are some closing thoughts. I don't really know how I want to do devlogs for this game. I suppose I'll do another for the 3rd floor but after that we get into some major spoiler territory so there will be another gap in updates, however I will try to give a little bit of content to people who are interested in the form of some world buildy posts. Those will not be on the itch.io page though. They'll be here on my tumblr blog which you’re on right now. It makes it easier so that people who only care about progress can stay there and people who want some extra fun little windows into the world and characters to tide them over until the game is actually out can stay here.

This game overall is very different from ATttSaN, obviously there's the factor of gameplay, but it also has a more focused plot with conflict and more developed characters. That might be a bit of a disappointment to the 2 ATttSaN fans out there, but I think if you liked that game you'll really like this one.

Also I've uploaded a few of the songs from the soundtrack to my youtube channel in a playlist, so if you want to hear some of those here you go:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCGPZBdmn1E-Be0R-9dr8c-R7aBB5vesg

Anyway, until next time,

Goodnight,

-Worm

Also my asks are open, so if you have any questions, ask away.

#gamedev #indie game #rpgmaker #oc #devlog #surreal game #a trip to the mall at night #a trip to the store at night #ATttMaN

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usafphantom2 · 2 years

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IMAGES: South Korea's KF-21 fighter performs its first test flight

Fernando Valduga By Fernando Valduga 07/19/2022 - 08:39 AM in Military

South Korea's KF-21 Boramae fighter successfully conducted its first flight test on Tuesday, about 6 and a half years after the start of its gigantic development project, despite skepticism about technological obstacles, cost-benefit and other feasibility issues.

In the 3rd Flight Training Wing of the Air Force in Sacheon, about 300 kilometers south of Seoul, the plane took off, signaling that South Korea is on its way to join an elite club from seven countries that have developed supersonic fighters locally.

The test flight was conducted by Major General Ahn Jun Hyun, a test pilot of the 52nd Test Evaluation Unit of the South Korean Air Force.

The inaugural flight of the $6.67 billion project occurred when the country has been pushing to replace its aged fleet of F-4 and F-5 fighters with the state-of-the-art jet and strengthen its air power to combat North Korea's attacks with evolving nuclear and missile threats.

"This is the time when South Korea's capabilities to develop 4.5-generation high-tech fighter have materialized with this first flight," the Defense Acquisition Program Administration (DAPA) said in a press release.

“As we approach the successful development of national fighter, this symbolizes a new leap in domestic aviation technology and a rise of high-tech military forces,” he added.

The KF-21 took off at 3:40 p.m. and landed at 4:13 p.m. for the first air test, according to DAPA.

Authorities initially planned to perform the test in the morning, but delayed it by several hours due to weather conditions.

South Korea imagined the jet development project for the first time in November 2000, when then-President Kim Dae-jung revealed the country's hope of becoming an advanced fighter manufacturer by 2015 at a launch ceremony of the national KT-1 training aircraft.

The project took a small step in November 2002, when the Joint Chiefs of Staff made a long-term plan to develop a state-of-the-art fighter whose capabilities go beyond KF-16 fighter and deliver about 120 units.

But skepticism was still rampant. The two state agencies - the Korean Institute of Defense Analysis and the Korean Development Institute - concluded in their separate analyses in 2003 and 2007, respectively, that the project was not viable.

However, the project gained much-needed momentum in 2009, when another study commissioned by the government by Konkuk University concluded that the fighter development scheme was economically viable.

The government then proceeded with an initial research process from 2011-2012 and decided in 2013 on a detailed plan for the fighter project, including the necessary operational capabilities and the target deployment period.

Despite technological uncertainties, DAPA has signed a fighter development contract with Korea Aerospace Industries Ltd. (KAI), the only aircraft manufacturer in the country, in December 2015.

The generation 4.5 fighter will be equipped with air-to-air missiles, such as the AIM-2000 from the German Diehl and the Meteor from the European MBDA.

So far, five prototypes of the KF-21 have been released for testing purposes, with the sixth scheduled for this month. The prototypes are scheduled to carry out 2,000 missions combined or more to complete the general development of the fighter by 2026.

In addition to these test procedures, the KF-21 project faces other obstacles, such as Indonesia's late payments. From 2026 to 2028, KAI plans to manufacture the initial units of the KF 21 Block I.

Tags: Military AviationKAI - Korea Aerospace Industries Ltd.KF-21 BoramaeROKAF - Republic of Korea Air Force

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Aviation photographer and pilot since 1992, he has participated in several events and air operations, such as Cruzex, AirVenture, Dayton Airshow and FIDAE. He has works published in a specialized aviation magazine in Brazil and abroad. He uses Canon equipment during his photographic work in the world of aviation.

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evanoxvt · 2 months

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A new month, different goals, same projects!

Well hello there! I'm guessing most people who read this don't know who I am yet so I'll tell you a bit about me shortly, but for those who do know me, you know I've been on a semi hiatus from streaming for quite awhile now. We are making a comeback, slowly but surely! Like I said, I'm guessing the majority of those who are reading this don't know me yet so I will start with an introduction!

Who am I?

I'm Eva Nox, a vtuber! I stream on twitch and discord, and plan to add youtube into the mix when I am able to. I really enjoy making clips in their raw states and find those to be an abundant source of things that make the world worth living, in a way.

I frequently and regularly have to take time off of streaming and social media due to health. I am very open about most of my health conditions, especially my Multiple Sclerosis and my Autism as these two are the most visible of my invisible illnesses & disabilities. My MS causes a huge range of physical health issues while my ASD heavily affects my processing and social skills. As a result some people may see me as flakey or noncommittal. I've found that by letting people know about these conditions and the hardships they cause, that people get a better understanding of me and why things are the way they are.

If you are interested in knowing more about me, pop by literally any of my streams or consider joining my discord! We are an 18+ community however for the safety of EVERYONE, so please be aware you will be kicked if you are not 18+.

What's up with this new month, new goals thing?

So, in January I made myself a content creator goals list for this year. Sadly, due to health we are way behind my goals and plans. Here's what it originally looked like:

January - Set up new PC, work on my discord server

February - Rest and recover from infusion, start doing more discord and community events

March - Start BDO and go through all of my clips

April - Come back from YT hiatus

May - Schedule group collabs

June - Celebrate good times~

July - Attempt an art month!

August - Rest and recover from infusion

September - Start spooky month game(s)

October - Finish spooky month game(s)

November - Schedule group collabs

December - Celebrate good times~

Sadly, we are entering March and I am way behind on my January and February goals. I am using my new pc, but I've been struggling with my OBS, partially due to some plugin issues and partially due to changes I'm making in my OBS setup. I've also had increased issues with eye strain which makes it hard for me to work on things like my OBS. I also have not been able to work on my discord server for similar reasons. I have however recovered from my infusion AND some bizarre illness I got recently, so that's nice!

I really do need to work on sorting my files and dealing with my major backlog of clips. This is my 4th priority for creator stuff at this time. My first priority is to get my OBS functional for streaming. My second priority is <instantly forgets everything I was thinking...> something.... Yes, I'm going to leave this here, it is important that people understand I literally get brain fog and cannot for the life of me figure out wtf I was doing or saying and that this is fairly NORMAL for me. I still cant remember the second thing, but I know there was something else before 3. The 3rd priority for my content is one of the most important projects I'm working on right now, called "Project S.S. Sunshine". There are multiple reasons for the title, but the biggest one is a homage to my nickname for my dogs when I was younger. I miss one of them dearly and this was one of my ways to reinclude him in my life even though he passed before I began my journey as Eva Nox. I know some people may get offended by the name of my project, but really its not meant to be a huge thing or anything like that. It's literally the initials of some of my childhood pets. There is literally no hidden or secret meaning beyond that, so don't attack me over it.

My schedule says I will come back from my YT hiatus in April but that is up in the air. My health has been really volatile recently so I really cannot predict when my PROPER comeback to youtube will be, however when I finish my project there will be 2 new youtube videos regardless of the status of my hiatus.

Another thing I guess I should note is that in March I have some medical procedures that will be happening for some of the health conditions I do not and will not be making public. Been told it's not much to worry about but I expect that to make it even harder to catch up with my goals.

More about me

I can't believe people are still reading this far into this.... a thank you is in order! I know I ramble on and on about things so I really appreciate those of you who are still reading it this far along. Thank you so much and I hope you day is going well!

So lets go back to Autism for a moment. This is by no means a comprehensive list of my struggles as an autistic person nor a comprehensive list of the struggles of other autistic folks. What this is, is a small list of the things I can remember off the top of my head right this second without the stress of remembering everything I deal with over the period of ever.

One of my usually less noticeable but VERY IMPACTFUL autistic traits is my language processing issues. I use "language processing issues" as an umbrella term for MANY things. I struggle with reading, writing, speaking, hearing, and processing all aspects of language. That may not sound so bad but it is a fundamental set of skills that can make or break your experience interacting with the world around you.

For reading and writing my comprehension is leagues behind what "others my age" would/should be at. People tell me to just try harder, and many autistic people do, but for me its not the most important thing ever. I hate being suffocated with "fancy" language when being direct makes communication much easier as well as leaves room in my brain to retain memories. Yes, I'm talking about memories because that is something that I've lost alot of due to schools pushing and pushing for us to memorize so much useless crap. I have things I wish I could remember but I don't have the "digital capacity" for everything society wants me to know. It sucks to know I will never be as "good" as everyone else, but that's my decision to make, and I am okay with where I'm at.

Let's end that one there and continue with speaking and hearing. I have several auditory processing issues and I'd like to use some imagery to help normal hearing people to understand what it's like for me. A painter starts by covering their canvas in a color for the base of the background. This is the first color on the canvas and the first sound I hear. Each layer of paint is a new layer of sound, and new layer to filter out while trying to hear people talk. The very last two, top two layers of this painting are human speech. The second to top layer is just pure sound, while the top one is the actual words being spoken. I have to sift through dozens of sounds before I can even hear the sound someone is making, let alone identify the words they are speaking. You will hear me sometimes say, "I'm tired of translating English to English", but not many people realize I'm not talking about accents at all but just simply the sound of the words and trying to figure out what word was said and the order of the words and then the meaning of those words. Most people don't have to take all the extra steps to understand a word in their native language, but I have to.

Additionally I have a speech impediment which isn't noticeable most of the time, but sometimes it becomes noticeable. In recent years, I've been learning how to continue speaking despite it as in the past I would just stop talking and make very little to no sounds. This mostly happens when I start to get too tired, stressed, mask too long, talk too long, strain my vocal chords, and sometimes there's not reason I can tell for why it happens.

Between my auditory processing issues and my speech issues I struggle with communication quite often, and have been alienated because of it time and time again. I used to struggle alot more with making friends because of these issues but having met so many more people with autism I'm not nearly as worried because now I'm understood and accepted.

With my autism, I also suffer from Sensory Processing Disorder. For me, not for all with SPD, I am more often than not overstimulated by one or more sensory inputs. I often struggle with sounds because they are just so loud and intrusive, lights are so horribly bright but if you dim it, I'll get a headache. Smells become overbearing and horrid. My sense of touch becomes hyper aware of everything, clothes, blankets, the ground, the air, every little thing I touch. Of course I'm not dealing with ALL sensory types being overwhelmed at the same time, but often if I am dealing with sensory overload it is two or more sensory types at a time.

Recently someone redefined habits and routines in terms of autism and I really liked how they described it. I used to consider myself a creature of habit/ a habitual creature, but now I do not identify that way. Habits, as the person described, is something you automatically just do. Every X frequency at the same time in every time. ROUTINES are things that you do, at the same exact time, in the same exact order, for the same exact "reason" in whatever the frequency is. One of the big differences is that a habit comes automatically and without thinking about it, whereas a routine does not come automatically but is crucial in maintaining <I don't have a good word for this right now>.

For me, if I had a habit, it would be like "brush your teeth when you wake up, whenever that is" whereas a routine would be a specific time after waking up, and if there was anything I did prior or afterwards it would need to be in the same order.

When I look at the differences, to me a routine is much more natural and necessary, however my routines can easily be disrupted which can affect me for hours, days, weeks, or even months at a time. This can make things like taking medicine difficult as once that routine is messed up it becomes so incredibly difficult to fix again. You can't just say "I need to do these 10 things every day" (outside of work/school/etc) because it literally is a ONE THING AT A TIME type thing, and it needs to become a stable routine before you add one more thing. So things like showering, brushing teeth, medication, eating, etc all have to be added in ONE AT A TIME for an extended period before another is added. For me this becomes difficult with my volatile health messing my routines up constantly.

Another thing I struggle with as an Autistic person is emotional management. I have a hard time existing in the world of emotion and the world of functionality at the same time. A great example that I think alot of people may connect with is when you were a kid and you really REALLY enjoyed something and someone took a picture of you, but in the picture you are making a face that leads people to think you either didn't like it or that you were unhappy/uncomfortable, etc. The "flat" emotion type face if you get that. The thing is, that is an example of being so intensely invested in that emotion that your entire body literally shuts down and freezes while you are basically just existing in the world within your mind. I really have yet to find a better explanation for the separation of emotional states and everything else that goes on. As a result, good/bad/neutral emotions used to be so intense that it was all I could do, all I could be, and all that I was. I still struggle to identify emotions today, but I am able to express emotions I feel to an extent, largely in part due to learning how to mask and express things through mimicry, but also in part due to having an outsider help manage and combine those two states into a semi functional level. I'm not going to go into the details on this one because it gets too complicated for my comfort level, but this is one of the things my service dog does for me. She helps bridge that gap, allowing me to FEEL and EXPRESS emotions WHILE functioning. Of course it isn't at the same explosive level as those emotions actually are, but it is at a level that normal people are more used to seeing. Again, I will not be going into HOW she does that because its really complicated.

Another struggle I have with ASD is autistic meltdowns. While similar to panic attacks and anxiety attacks, these meltdowns are a distinct thing. It can be really hard to differentiate between the three, but that does not mean it does not happen. In fact, I'd say I deal with meltdowns the most out of the 3, followed up closely by anxiety attacks, and in 3rd place I rarely have panic attacks (but I do get them, and often mistake them for the other two). Meltdowns are involuntary, just like the other two. They are very dysregulating and can last a long time after the "trigger" is "over". I often get meltdowns when either I become extremely overwhelmed by sensory input or when I have an outburst of extreme emotions (of any kind). Meltdowns look a bit different for everyone I know, but all of us have had issues with people telling us things like "you're an adult, stop having temper tantrums" or "just get over it, you're not a baby anymore", etc. These meltdowns are not temper tantrums and have a specific cause EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. There is always a cause with a meltdown, and sometimes it's not obvious, while other times you may never figure out what it is. I really want to stress that a meltdown is a VALID struggle that autistic people have and that it isn't okay to deny or criticize it. It's not fun or cool, it is stressful and can be scary, especially for children who don't know what they're going through or why.

I think that concludes my autism struggles for tonight (otherwise this post will never get close to ending). Onto some of my MS issues I suppose. I will try to make this one shorter.

First thing is first, flare-ups are not the same thing as daily symptoms. Flare-ups are specific immune system response where your cells attack the myelin on your nerves. This leads to scar tissue, and can contribute to permanent damage to both the area it's attacking and cause lesions in your brain and spine. Am I forgetting anything else? Probably, but that's the generic description of a flare up. As you sustain more permanent damage to your body, you'll very likely have increased daily symptoms. The damage type, specific location, and severity is different for everyone and their symptoms are also different on a by-person basis.

For me, I often deal with issues with:

Temperature regulation

vision (several different types of visual issues)

numbness

pain

fatigue

weakness

muscle twitching and spasms

balance and coordination issues

dizziness

brain fog

heightened sensory issues (yes, my MS makes my SPD worse)

skin issues

other issues relating to conditions I do not make public.

For obvious reasons this makes working very difficult and leads to very inconsistent streams. I often wake up feeling at least reasonably okay, to only feel like crap by the time I've gone to the bathroom and taken care of Town Crier. Again, this obviously makes it difficult to go about my day. I rapidly go between being good/okay/bad and often get a tiny bit of each every day, with most days leaning towards okay and bad. This is part of the reason why I stream. I want to do something that I can do. I want to give meaning to my life when and where I can. Streaming allows me to do that because although highly inconsistent I can do it when I'm feeling good enough to, for however long I can do it, just simply because I can that day or at that point in time. No one is there to fire me because I had to miss a day or two or a week or more. No one is going to tell me that I'm not trying hard enough and that I need to work harder. Everyone in my community is so supportive and helps me remember to take breaks and stay hydrated. It makes me feel so validated as a person struggling to exist and helps bring the light to the days that are so very dark.

Who is Town Crier?

Last segment! Town Crier is my service dog. You may see me call her TC, Town Crier, baby, etc. while streaming. It's just my little nickname for her and it makes sense since she is half husky!

Thank you for reading this far! If you are interested in finding me on my other socials, click below! My carrd has my comprehensive list of links and some additional information! Again, thanks for stopping by and I hope to see you when and where I can!

#chronically ill #chronic illness #invisible illness #invisible disability #multiple sclerosis #autoimmune #chronic fatigue #audhd #autism #adhd #chronic pain #streaming #disabled streamer #content creator #content creation #march madness #youtube #twitch #carrd stuff

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kilar · 7 months

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CAS - service - Slovenian Language & Culture

From September 12th until October 3rd I attended my colleague’s Slovenian Language & Culture workshops that were also her CAS project activities. The workshops took place every Tuesday in our school, PRHG’s library and were hosted by Mia Baškovič, my dear Slovenian colleague. The first workshop was oriented towards the Slovenian language, more specifically, some of its basics. We learned the alphabet has 25 letters and is similar to Croatian, just without ć, đ, lj, nj and dž. Fun fact - Slovenians have dual, which is like when you refer to precisely two persons or objects, isn’t that crazy!? We also learned about some peculiarities in pronunciation regarding letters such as u, v and l. We talked števila (numbers), barve (colors), greetings (pozdravi) and also something called “Lažni prijatelji” (“False friends”). I’ll try to explain it the best I can, so basically it is a word that means or sounds similar to a different word from another language, but differentiates in meaning. For example, in Slovenian stol means chair, while in Croatian stol means table. I found that bit very interesting. We also talked about some proverbs and idioms, my favorite idiom is: “Volk sit in koza cela” meaning: “A full wolf and an unharmed goat”, I just like how goofy it sounds. In the second workshop we talked about some national and geographical aspects of Slovenia, its population, area, lakes, rivers, mountains, the president, major cities like Maribor, Celje, Kranj, Koper and of course Ljubljana. We learned about Slovenian provinces and what they’re known for. My favorite was Gorenjska with its beautiful mountains and lakes, I believe it captivated me the most of all provinces because of the snow sports, I’ve never been skiing before. In the third workshop we talked some more culture; sport evens, competitions and athletes, historical discoveries such as the Neanderthal Flute or the Wooden Wheel also architecture; castles, bridges, historical buildings and churches. We also talked about some art, I loved this part! There’s this famous silent movie called Kekec which is quite popular over there even though it was created in the last century. We also listened to some music, it was beautiful to hear an acapella group called Perpetuum Jazzile, it is truly incredible what the human voice can achieve. Another fun fact!!! Did you know that the Slovenian band called Laibach performed in North Korea…isn’t that interesting? This workshop was the last before the great Kahoot quiz!The great Kahoot quiz was the final workshop, all of us who attended gathered around a table while Mia presented the quiz. The tensions were high as we’re all very competitive. But there was another twist, the first place prize. It was two tickets for Škocjanska jama. Now, this was a big deal since Mia got them for free. I am almost finished with my driving lessons and am working towards getting a drivers license, so I was really hoping to win it since it lasted until March of next year, 2024, and until then, I’d surely be done with driving lessons. Spoiler alert, didn’t win the tickets. But, that doesn’t matter, I won third place, just behind a few points. I got a notebook, pen and some kind of neck keychain. I liked it and I use it. The purpose of this whole workshop was to learn about a culture that wasn’t mine. I have Slovenian friends that thought me a bit about the language, but I didn’t know this much about culture. I realized how similar yet different we are. We’re neighboring countries that share the same sea and interests. We live off each other, Slovenians come as tourists during the summer and Croats also come as tourists but during the winter. I like exploring new cultures because it enables me to seek new perspectives and find new attractions. I also do believe I’ll be able to understand Slovenian a bit better today than I did a few months back. I also love supporting my friends and their projects. I truly enjoyed my time at the workshops, Mia always brought homemade Slovenian dishes such as Potica, cookies and Prekmurska gibanica. I really enjoyed those.

In all, this was a great new experience, I learned a lot about Slovenia, its language, culture traditions, cities and attractions and had a lot of fun doing so. I can’t wait for another project of my friends, I think Mara is next! Until then, stay safe and eat some Potica!

#slovenia #culture #language #workshop #cas #service #community

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dptarotproject · 2 months

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This has been a long time coming, and we thank everyone for being patient, but we are excited to announce that the Danny Phantom Tarot Project is finally moving on to the next phase of the project: Sign-up's and Applications!

Sign-Up's will open this Thursday, February 29th.

We will be keeping them open for over a month, to give potential participants an adequate amount to time to fill out & submit the form.

Sign-Up's will close on Wednesday, April 3rd.

We will have the approximate in further posts.

💚 What is required to join?

For all artists: when you are filling out the form, you will be asked if you are interested in drawing for the Major Arcana.

If you are interested in the Major Arcana, you will be asked to apply for these cards by submitting your art. This includes linking three pieces of your own work that you would like to highlight, as well as linking to a wider collection of your art.

If you are interested in only the Minor Arcana, there are no requirements. Everyone who wishes to draw for the Tarot Project is welcome to sign-up.

For writers: There are no requirements for you to sign-up for the project, and there are no requirements differing between the Major and Minor Arcana. However, we would prefer if you had a rudimentary understanding of tarot, as you will be writing descriptions, meanings, etc. for each card you are chosen for in the accompanying booklet.

💚 Further information

As always, more information can be found in the Info Doc we've linked below. Or if you have any questions, you can reach out to this blog, or ask a mod on the project discord. We do ask that all participants join the discord moving forward.

💚 What is this project?

This is a collaborative project designed to show off all the incredible art and talented artists of the phandom. The ultimate goal is to build a complete tarot deck with unique and original artwork centred around everything Danny Phantom.

Discord | INFO DOC

Phazer loves you 💚

#danny phantom #phandom #phantom's fate and fortune #phanart #dp fanart #tarot cards #tarot project #tarot deck #art collab #fandom collab #phazer announcement

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emptymanuscript · 7 months

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After several rounds of elimination played with myself, I think I have convinced myself out of ten of the possible projects down to four legit contenders for NaNoWriMo next month.

The Luna & Bacall Supernatural Detective Agency

The Fairies' Graveyard

The Count of Earth

Goal-Go!

They're all fairly different projects.

The Luna & Bacall Supernatural Detective Agency is fairly straight forward Urban Fantasy. Fairly silly people in terrible situations. It's essentially a fish out of water story with the least qualified detectives imaginable dealing with the worst sort of criminals imaginable and just sort of bumbling through in spite of the fact that they would have been dead in chapter 2 if it was an even vaguely realistic story. It has the advantage that I've already written some of it, and I expect it will be the most 'ridiculous fun' of the choices. Luna (Loon) Khonsu and Rebecca (Betch) Bacall the bff MCs are ridiculous. They have no place in a serious story and they're just going to plow through it until the story they're in stops being serious.

The Fairies' Graveyard is a very not straight forward. It's still fantasy but it is a novel-in-stories. A bunch of interrelated short stories (which is its real appeal to me because I want to learn the art of the short story) that convey a greater whole between them, sort of like Futureland: Nine Stories of an Imminent World by Walter Mosley. It's thread is an alternate 'history' where Fae survivors of a massive catastrophe have to figure out how to live in permanent exile in the human world. It also has the advantage that I've already written some of it and I'm very interested in the literary 'fuck you' that makes up a decent portion of the connective cores of the whole. Unfortunately it is also the grimmest of the choices. While I do (currently) think it has a happy ending, it isn't meant to be a light or easy read. I don't particularly expect it to be fun or comfortable. The only funny thing is that it actually started life as a porno-fan-fic idea until I realized that I had written something FAR too serious to have it match up with the original concept.

The Count of Earth is a Space Opera. Very soft Sci-fi that is meant to feel a bit like a folktale in space. The far future equivalent of one of the longer tales out of One Thousand and One Nights. Probably more accurately one of the French fakes inserted by one of the translators. It's one of the oldest story ideas that I'm still interested in, since I first had the idea for it back in 2014. I've written the beginning several times. I know, generally, what I want the story to be, but I kinda just can't quite get it to sing. The real advantage of it in NaNoWriMo will be letting go of its singing voice and just getting it down. It's also the only one of the four with no magic in it. The only "magic" is advanced technology (FTL, Interplanetary communications, Artificial Intelligences, Orbital Bombardment, etc.) and a massive amount of money. It's also the only one where a romantic love story will be a major plot line, as Jun, the MC who is the titular Count, falls in love with the Princess (? the Daughter of a Sovereign of a state like a King who is below the ultimate Sovereign of his political union like an Emperor) Mayari, who is the daughter of his 'master's enemy. Which is a mixed bag since I enjoy romantic subplots but I'm terrible at them.

Goal-Go! is Progression (Science) Fantasy. It acknowledges itself as existing within a Sci-fi universe while mostly dealing with magic within the 'scientifically' generated simulation. Even the blatantly 'scientific' ideas, like the transfer of files between folders on different computer systems for instance, are handled like magic. It's definitely the 'biggest' project, as in requiring the most amount of work from me, even if it is actually meant to be a fairly quick and easy read. Since my central conceit is that Goal-Go! is a 3rd person Choose Your Own Adventure. A game within a game. I will have to work hard to avoid making Inception references. I'm fairly certain I can't actually write the full text in 30 days but I could probably set up what I thought of as the default storyline, the one I would expect most readers to choose. And start working on the branches off of that. It's also just an ambitiously complicated structural idea. The story isn't much. Pulling it off will be a phenomenal amount of work and it may just simply be too much for NaNoWriMo even in abridged form. I think I'm only even considering it because I wanna and because I don't see it as very likely that I'll commit to it without something like NaNoWriMo, just some huge push against the phenomenal weight of the project. I wanna do it but it is intimidating. I'm also just not sure how fun Goal-Go! will be. And it will kind of be a waste of time if it isn't fun. Fun is its justification for existing. Though it's a different kind of fun from The Luna & Bacall Supernatural Detective Agency. It's gamey fun instead of fool victorious fun. The constant task will be keeping it from bogging down which I think it will simply tend toward. I probably should just nix it for safety and say no. But. I do kinda still wanna.

All of which gets me not really any closer to deciding which of the four to actually do. They're all kind of different enough that it's hard to compare them and pick out what will be the "best" experience for me. Hmmmph. Decisions. Decisions.

#thinking out loud #nanowrimo

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ohdudedhesflirting · 10 months

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First off, congratulations on almost getting through your exams (or finishing it depending on when you read this!) 🥳

Also don’t worry about replying. Just reply when you feel like (or don’t if you don’t want to!). I take a bit to reply too 😬

First off, thank you for the kind words 🫶

Yeah, software development makes my brain hurt mostly because of the unrealistic deadlines and expectations. Imagine asking nine doctors to pull out a baby from a lady who’s one month pregnant. It's like ?????. Personally, I try to speak up about it (saying it's just not realistic) BUUTTT I'm typically the most junior in my team and though everyone secretly agrees with me, they just try to get it done by the deadline. Yeah, that didn't make sense but I hope you're getting the jist of what I'm trying to say. It's what I hate about when I first entered the field as a full-timer (they protect you from this kind of stuff as an intern).

“Having a brain fully developed is a flex.”

LMAO. This made me laugh sooo much. You’re so funny 🥰

How long does one coding exercise generally takes ? Like 2/3 hours at least ? Depending on how hard it is ?

I’m not sure if you’re asking for one question or the entire challenges so I’ll answer both. In my experience, it depends on the question asked lolol. There were times I was able finish three problems in twelve minutes and there were times I couldn’t even finish one question. The timed ones usually only give you 1-2 hour(s) because intensity you know?

The last exercise I did took me around six to seven hours. It wasn’t like a typical coding challenge but you had to explain a project you built entirely by yourself on a technical level and then they basically asked you how you would build a X system (ex/ "How would you build Twitter?", "How would you build a hotel reservation system?"). There wasn’t any word limit or time limit and I figured it was better to put more (it's the safer option). I figured it would also be useful for future interviews since a lot of times they ask you to explain a project you’ve worked on or how you would build X system.

AHHH and you’re a double major? Dang. If you don’t mind asking, what’s the second major?

As always, take care of yourself 🍵

🤙 anon

Hii darling !

I took my last exam this morning (I actually saw your message just before but I wasn't in the right headspace to reply to it lol). Thank you for your kind words it truly means a lot to me 💛

I guess like every space of work always overwork and expect crazy deadlines... I'm sorry you have so much pressure to complete assignment in such a short time !

I'm also really proud for trying to speak up about it and try to make a space for discussion. It truly must no be the easiest as the youngest

Also I totally get the idea of complaining but still making it in time lol I totally understand !

I cant even imagine how hard it must be to sit in front of computer and work seven hours on something as complicated as what you are doing.. you have all my respect fr.

Knowing the time you need for each type of task is actually very good and very professional. It's always to have that information just in case they ask you in an interview. It shows your professionalism.

Yeah I did a double major for 2 years ! Here completing the major takes 3 years and you have to validate each year.

I did law and art history. Most people in my promo wanna be auctioneers. (Its the reason why this double major was created lol) But I personnaly don't wanna be an auctioneer and I hate law lol its making me feel really bad mentally wise.

We have this opportunity for our 3rd year to continue (and suffer even more), or drop one and validating the first major and lets say you take another year to validate the other. So you have two majors in 4 years instead of 6 which is good.

But I wouldn't do law anymore if I pass and I just would study art history !

(It's complicated lol)

Take care of yourself as well. Have some good sleep/ Hope you had a good sleep <3

#<3 #🤙anon <3 #🤙#ohdudedhesflirting ask

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alissandrablanza · 1 year

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Life of a Paulinian College Student

When I first arrived in St. Paul back in August to enroll, I never really had big expectations of what my college experience would be like in this new school. There I was, transferring at 3rd year in college, where in fact I should have been graduating already. And so the several days that I was trying to finish enrolling myself and providing all the needed documents for transfer, I thought to myself “Just lay low, do my thing and let’s graduate without any hiccups this time”.

I thought classes started way too soon after that since it was the week right after the enrollment period but then again, who was I to complain. I got nothing else to do but study anyway, that’s why I relocated here in Cagayan in the first place.

And so the first few weeks went by, I had trouble with some classes since some major subjects coincided with others and even schedules were being changed by the professors too. The first month went by and I was starting to settle down and get comfortable with the schedule, the night classes, the commute, the traffic, and the unhealthy amount of SPUP corndogs that I’ve consumed for that one month only. I was getting adjusted well in my opinion.

My classmates are a different thing though. The thing is, though I’m in my 3rd year, I have a lot of backlog subjects for the 2nd year. It’s because my previous school and SPUP had totally different curriculums so some of my units didn’t get credited for my new curriculum resulting in me having to take a lot of minor subjects. Also, other than me transferring over, I actually technically shifted my course too because in my previous school I was taking Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and it turned out that St. Paul was only offering the Bachelor of Science strand. I, for one, am not even looking to shift to a whole different course and so I just decided to take this option and shift to BS Psychology. If I were to be frank, I really don’t see myself taking a different path as I’ve already enveloped my learnings to my way of thinking and my perspective in life.

In that aspect, I was enrolled in multiple major subjects for BS Psychology students that I wouldn’t have taken if I stayed with AB Psychology. And the most exciting part is that the head of the Psychology department, Ma’am Anna Hernandez herself was the one teaching some of those major subjects. I thought to myself how amazing that is, to have an accomplished and distinguished professor for those heavy subjects. In addition, our Abnormal Psychology class was handled by someone that is both a registered nurse, psychometrician, psychologists, and a clinician in practice! I definitely made sure to listen attentively in our sessions because Sir Fabroa would sometimes drop some very informative and applicable bits of knowledge to us either from his practice or from his experience as a board exam student of many different courses. I would always jot down notes and keep it in mind especially some tricks Sir had told us on taking the board exams. I feel happy that I was able to meet and have such kinds of professors in this school!

Despite saying all that though, I cannot lie and say that I did not struggle academically. In all honesty, I was not used to taking the periodical exams like in Prelims, Midterm, Prefinal, and Finals. I got used to my previous school’s project-based type of exam where we either construct a paper or anything deliverable but rarely a printed exam. In SPUP I find that the usual type of exam here was standard multiple choice, identification, fill-in-the-blanks, and even enumeration. I’m not saying every subject applied this to their exam style, but most of my subjects followed this way of measuring student’s performance and comprehension of the academic topics discussed by the professors. To be quite frank, I found it difficult to adjust to. In essays and projects, I had all the freedom to showcase my knowledge of the subject topic. On second thought, am I only saying all this to rationalize the fact that I score average in my tests? Are my observations and reasoning because of unconsciously sour graping? Perhaps. Perhaps not. But one thing is for sure, I don’t think the school would change the way they handle the academic policies and implementation just because some student posted about it on Tumblr. So, I guess I just gotta suck it up and get going huh? Anyways, I only have 3 semesters left before graduation. Hopefully I graduated without problems.

How is it like being a Paulinian student? Though I’ve been one for 5 months now, I don’t think I’ve got the answer yet. Honestly, I’ve yet to fully open up to my classmates. I go to school when I have classes and when it ends, I go straight home. I’ve never really explored what Tuguegarao has to offer me, nor Cagayan in general. I think to grasp the meaning of being a Paulinian is to also take into perspective the vicinity of where St. Paul exists in the first place. The culture and tradition of Tuguegarao, Cagayan is what highlights the St. Paul value. This is because St. Paul consists of students, teachers, staff, administrators, and even visitors that embody the life of the place.

This is why I have made a decision for the upcoming semester instead. I wouldn’t say that I’ve wasted my first semester by being reclusive, unsocial, and overall unwilling to open up and fully adjust to my new life here. This coming semester I plan to allot more time in school, staying in the library, eating in the cafeteria, hanging out in the Psychology Lab where all my fellow classmates hang out a lot in between classes, socialize more with my adings, take more pictures of the campus and actually, actually, nurture the thought inside my head that this is already my second home. My classmates and teachers are already my second family.

#collegelife

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