#BITING SOMETHING AND SCREAMING THEYRE IN MY BRAIN THEYRE IN MY BRAIN

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Howdy giving Barnaby a gay life crisis is such a power move 💅✨

and Howdy would never let that little fact go <3

#it IS a power move #one of my goals in life is to give someone a gay crisis. or a gender crisis. #for now howdy will have to live my dream #rambles from the bog #scribble salad #laughingstock #yassified howdy <3 #BITING SOMETHING AND SCREAMING THEYRE IN MY BRAIN THEYRE IN MY BRAIN #I HAVE BEEN DRAWING LAUGHINGSTOCK FOR LIKE THREE GAY HOURS #gonna pick and choose what's postable #by that i mean what reaches my personal standard of quality #wailing and screamingggggg why are they so good together #i wasn't this unwell about them a week ago. what happened. what Changed

[doki-doki-imagines]

Can I ask Johnny, Tomas and maybe some others being mind numbingly in love with the reader??

Like theyre so in love they don't know how to act so they always make a fool of themselves and feel so stupid after???

author note: love this prompt. Added Liu Kang so I could write for my 3 fave boys🫶🏻.

Johnny Cage: -He doesn't leave you alone. His eyes always search for yours even for just a brief glance. -Johnny smiles way more around you and also listens to you like the universal truth is flowing from your lips. -Everybody can tell he has a crush on you. The problem is that nobody takes him seriously. -When you talk to Johnny face to face, he totally gets lost looking at your face. He has a dreamy expression and will totally bite his lower lip. -Damn, he doesn't remember a word you said, but he could listen to you the whole day. -Johnny shows off every time you get near him, blabbering on how good he is at everything. How can you not fall for such a dripilicious guy? -"Look at me, I'm winning this for you!" He's gonna lose. -But you can tell his sentiment is pure. Maybe calling it love is a stretch, but Johnny isn't joking…most of the time. -Even if he keeps failing wooing you, Johnny not gonna stop. He doesn't have any shame, so he doesn't mind failing. The moment of dejection always lasts very little.

Tomas Vrbada: -The guy gets obsessed. -He keeps glancing at you, but the moment you look back, Tomas turns his head down like a kid getting caught stealing from the cookie jar. -You fill his brain. Tomas trains? He thinks of you. He eats? He thinks that he'd like to share this delicious food with you. -And damn, when Tomas doesn't have any important mission going on, his mind starts to wander. He is like a schoolgirl jiggling and kicking his feet in the air every time you are just normally kind to him. -The kind that hugs his pillow when sleeping, thinking it is your body. -Tomas is down deep, so deep it reaches his knees, and he can't move. -He is a sweet guy, it happenes to him to stutter and for his cheeks to get tomato red, but Tomas is reaching new peaks. -Once Tomas was talking with Liang at Wu Shi Academy. He turned his head and his grey-ish eyes locked on yours, Tomas then missed a step and fell down the stairs rolling directly at your feet. -Tomas knows he looks like a fool, but it's not like he is doing that on purpose. He'd gladly smash his head against concrete if that would make him go normal. -Thankfully, Tomas will get normal, that you like him back or not, but before reaching that point, there is a long road ahead…

Liu Kang: -After living for so long, after shaping so many timelines, Liu Kang thought to have learnt from his and others' mistakes. -You never have a part in his life, that's why it comes as a surprise when you both start to work together. -It wasn't planned, Liu Kang didn't have to pull any strings. You just…happened. -And something blossomed in Liu Kang's heart, a feeling he once felt but forgot for aeons. -He is in love. -Liu Kang may have lived for centuries, but he didn't gain any rizz. His good boy charm long forgotten since he became a god. He is still nice but much less loose. -And it shows. -Should he give you gifts? But what should he buy? Looking at your life in the hourglass wouldn't be right. But the temptation is high. -At times, Liu Kang is just chatting with you, and something shiver inducing (and not for pleasure) slips out his mouth. Obviously, Liu Kang notices but a minute to late. He'll gladly dig his own grave with his bare hands. -He is so fucking sure one day you'll tell him to stop bothering you. -Liu Kang desire to touch you is immense, but you still haven't reached that point in your relationship. -When you sit next to each other, drinking a hot beverage, every fibre in Liu Kang's body screams to touch you. Tracing the lines of your face with his fingertips, brushing away the hair that hides your face, losing himself in your eyes. -Liu Kang is lovesick. -Every step to make you close is really hard for him, so blinded by his own feelings that he doesn't see that they are reciprocated. -You'll totally need to take the first step.

#mk x reader #mk1 x reader #mortal kombat x reader #mk headcanons #mk1 headcanons #mortal kombat headcanons #johnny cage #johnny cage x reader #liu kang #liu kang x reader #tomas vrbada #mk1 smoke #tomas x reader #smoke x reader

[malka-lisitsa]

What's it like dating Katherine?

I'm so glad that you asked!

I see a LOT of 'Dating Katherine would consist of-" Posts and they're all so romanticized its so unrealistic!!! So let me tell you what dating Katherine is ACTUALLY LIKE, because she is NOT an easy person to be with!

Now quick disclaimer here- this doesn't mean she isn't a good person to date and that it's all bad. It's NOT and I will definitely list the entire spectrum here good and bad- but Katherine is not for the faint of heart and if yall want to fantasize about what dating her would be like you need the real guide book.

SO here's what dating Katherine Pierce would be like.

Katherine is BPD this is a terrible condition that affects her ability to maintain relationships especially.

Paranoid delusions are v common, Katherine has incredible trust issues already (can you blame her) so paired up with paranoia she would be very suspicious at completely random times. One day she could be completely ok with x person being around you and then the next day she could be so insecure and jealous bc her head has convinced her that you are in fact cheating on her.

Katherine's rapid mood swings? Not cute! :D She can go from fine, to white hot rage in a split second and then if you blink shes sobbing! WHY? SHE DOESN'T FUCKING KNOW!! And to top it all off!! She doesn't know what to do with herself when she has these mood swings! Could be anything from isolation, to being needy, or even lashing out randomly! Its a surprise for EVERYONE INVOLVED!!

Picking fights! Legitimate fights out of nowhere! Why? Bc abandonment issues! You're gonna leave her anyway why shouldn't she be in control of that right? She will push you away viciously!! The guess what?? After that episode is over she will try to smooth it over and pull you back because she doesnt actually want to lose you- shes just SCARED and has zero emotional regulation!

She will TEST YOU CONSTANTLY and you will never know, you will never be trained, or given a guide you are expected to know what the right thing to do with/for her is and if you DONT- FIGHT. This is super common in BPD, these tests and theyre almost ALWAYS unreasonable, again bc if you fail the test she gets to pick a fight and rationalize you dont actually care about her and she should push you away before you hurt her.

Intense emotions! My GOD lets not forget that she not only feels things vampire intense but she feels them BPD intense ON TOP OF THAT. SHE WILL BE UNREASONABLE. OFTEN. IT IS NOT HER FAULT. She literally has no control over it. She is not logical when triggered it is ALL emotional lizard brain. If you push her she will bite you- no middle ground.

She will get scared, and she will most likely try to run, or push you away. Anyone who can reach you, can hurt you- and Katherine has a built in warning system when someone starts to get close enough they can actually hurt her- the the instinct to sabotage that relationship kicks in.

Katherine is an impulsive liar. You will be lied to. Probably over the stupidest shit like 'we're out of nuggets' so you pick her up something else on the way home. Also probably about important shit. Katherine's most common lie is 'im fine'

Katherine is POSSESSIVE and she is NOT shy about it either. Reactions can vary from some heavy PDA to actual violence...

Dating Katherine is dealing with her insomnia. It's dealing with her waking up screaming, or in tears. It's having her climb in your lap to sleep because she needs to feel safe. Remember this girl has been HUNTED and FUCKED WITH for 500 YEARS. SAFE is never a default feeling for her. She is ALWAYS in fight or flight mode and it's EXHAUSTING when your brain keeps telling you 'cant sleep now there are enemies near by'

Dating Katherine is never knowing whats going on in her head because she wont tell you. You need to learn her very subtle language she communicates in to understand her mental state.

its katherine having very little emotional maturity, and lashing out at the first sign of rejection or criticism. Its Katherine having black and white thinking NO grey area.

Its learning a whole new dialect just to be able to understand what she actually means when she says or does certain things.

But it's also katherine routinely playing games with you. Random games of tag. Making up new rules youve never heard of in checkers that she swears are legit she learned them in mexico. Its secretly throwing games sometimes so she can win and you get to keep playing that game...

Its her snooping through your stuff to get to know you, because while she could just ask, she needs enrichment and snooping is very fun for her.

Its her plopping herself down next to you because she just wants to be around you (even if its picking a fight for attention)

It's her head on your chest as she listens to your heart beat and falls asleep on you.

Its seeing the way she looks at you, with a love so powerful you cant even imagine what it feels like.

its her doing little things to express that she loves you. Thes things vary from doing a chore, to leaving you a present, kissing you randomly, asking to cuddle and watch a movie- its a wide variety she uses to express herself with.

its her asking you to watch videos with her or read to her.

it's finding out all of the little details she knows about you, all the tiny stuff most people don't notice, that she has learned and even likes about you.

its her cooking you one of her 4 known and perfected dishes randomly.

its quiet evenings of just existing in each others company as you do whatever

its play fighting, that turns into a make out session.

its mind blowing sex tbh

Its being loved with a love that was more than love-

its waking up next to this beautifully complex creature and knowing she picked you.

Nah, dating Katherine is not a walk in the park. It takes a very special and dedicated person with a lot of courage to handle this girl. It takes someone with patience. Someone with determination, and the ability to love her at her absolute worst. It takes someone willing to UNDERSTAND that she is not always in control of her behaviors. That she is just as fed up and scared and done with the way shes acting, but shes TRAPPED on the inside of her own head just WATCHING herself tear shit apart and she cant do ANYTHING to stop it.

It takes someone willing to meet her aggression with a gentle hand. It takes someone who will reassure her constantly that they love her and want her. It takes someone who understands that she needs special treatment most people would deem unreasonable or entitled. It's a toxic relationship until you learn the cheat codes to bypass her defense mechanisms. It takes time and dedication. So if you're thinking all of that sounds toxic and terrible, then you honestly don't deserve all the good, all the light she can be when handled properly.

Katherine is a girl who loves harder than most people could even imagine. She's dedicated. Shes smart. Shes a wonderful charismatic person- but she is DAMAGED and requires special care- so if you cant handle the care needs for an exotic animal, it's best you just visit every now and then and let someone whos willing to put in the effort, reap the immense benefits. Dating Katherine, LOVING KATHERINE- it isnt EASY.... but it's WORTH IT.

I'm sure I missed a few things for good AND bad but honestly you get the jist.

#Answered #havvkinsqueen #the one and only... sort of: ooc #headcanon

[tpher]

danny lore update. just me rambling and thinking out loud

hes so very angry at everything. irrationally so. its meant to be a joke just how mad and exaggerated he gets. that being said hes not meant to be cool or likable*

(*he has a cool design and plays guitar/sings/is in a band, and those are some objectively cool traits i suppose.. but hes not meant to be seen as a badass, more like an exhausting person to be around lmao)

and i dont wanna justify his behavior bc im trying to make a character who sucks, but not knowing his backstory makes him confusing to really comprehend why hes like this. ive decided that his parents worked a lot when he was a kid, so he was practically raised by his grandparents. so if anyone, he cares abt them deeply but theyre also a huge reason why he ended up being this way, because theyre very blunt and opinionated people. it rubbed off on him. that being said, his parents arent like this so they dont understand where he learned that from. so this caused some conflict but whatever. he doesnt want his parents' validation anyway.

on a similar note, if he got picked on at school, he would be quick to assume the worse and need to defend himself, leading to getting into a lot of fights. he was later on essentially a bully himself

so whats the takeaway here?? the ppl he cares abt teaching him to speak his mind and not hold back. even if it leads to more conflict, hes very prideful. he sees it as "brutal honesty" when its just rudeness

when interacting w others, he will groan and roll his eyes a lot. definitely lots of sarcasm but just as much blunt yelling. he will roast ppl in the drop of a hat.

is it purely a pride thing? ehh. he DOES think highly of himself and has high standards. he also doesnt hate ppl as a whole, is interested in dating, is extroverted. thats all important to note bc itd be easy to assume otherwise.

another way his heightened emotion stemmed from was him being trans from a young age. the stress and confusion hit him like a truck, making him prone to lash out. once he came to terms w that and started going on hormones, the anger from gender stress turned into anger from increased levels of testosterone ON TOP of him already being a ball of rage. help this man

does he have anything going on besides anger? no

ok yes. as mentioned, he loves music. rock music to be exact, so thats a healthy way for him to let go of his emotions. he also has a dramatic flair, wanting to give everything his all. he doesnt like being boring/bored so if he has so start something in order to be entertained, he will. this would make him a bit of a prankster

what abt when someone treats him the way he treats others? oh he would NOT be able to take it. he will kick and scream until you feel worse. he will bite his hand until he thinks abt how to get back at you

...unless you strike a specific nerve. where instead of purely fighting, you get into a mutual understanding where arguing can be fun in a "healthy competition" kinda way. cant explain it rn bc my brain is mush and ive written too much but thats what he has w topher <3

#txt #oc posting

[eyeofthetaiga]

wait i havrnt taken my meds inb3 days bc ive been stomach sick and i need to like vent or whatever bc i am more hyper aware of my anger and sadness off my meds 🤪

speaking of which my brother drunkenly apologized for some stuff but did not explicitly bring up the almost punching me thing and claimed to love me

and i just wanted to go home so i said ilu too and he was like no i love you more thsn you love me

and i wanted to scream YOURE DAMN RIGHT BECAUSE I HATE YOU

like i still love him bc hes my brother but i hate him

like you legitimately yelled st me threatened to punch me in the face and being drunk while doing it doesnt make it better or excusable

and the fact that nobody stood up for me and my parents defended him and my other brother didnt say anything in my defense and i asked one of my friends if i could go to her house and she was like shit i cant my not-boyfriend is here

it really felt like a massive betrayal and reminder that I'm not valued which i already kinda knew i know im not the favorite i know they love me as their daughter in the most bare minimum way but it still hurts to know they care more for their sons

thats just the fate of most daughters maybe you are expendable and you should be grateful for everything to feel like your existence is tolerated

as for the friend im like still friends w her ive wanted to bring it up but it's hard esp bc im aware to some extent im being immature or smth but it felt stupid to me so i will be bringing it up one day or if she needs help one day i will probably give her the same treatment which is immature and awful but i am apparently both those things

and it's worse bc i know i think theyre right you cant completely unlearn that shit after 20+ years of it and especially not when youre still struggling to get a stupid bachelor's degree in something youre not even sure you wanna do and you have a stupid brain that cant handle going outside and cant focus on anything

anyway thats why it'd be nice to have someone who made me feel wanted which is embarrassing to admit which is stupid bc every human being wants that everyone wants to feel wanted but im like stupidly ashamed of wanting it its the body issues and the mental issues teaming up to completely fuck me over

anyway i have to make an animated film to graduate and i was thinking of including a scene where the main character kills their mom and whole family violently passionately

if that says anything about my years of pent up rage and grief

that fucking "all daughters turn into bloodthirsty hounds after years of licking their own wounds and biting their tongues"

#didnt mean to get all sad n angry but i was born full of rage i think so s #personal shit #txt post

[hxneekyuu]

accidental kiss || tsukishima kei, ennoshita chikara, miya atsumu, lev haiba

request :  Hey Can I request a headcanon or one shot with Haikyuu characters (any of your choices) having an accidental kiss with their crush, you know, the cliché romance scene in drama's where the girl fell and male catches her and end ups kissing, or something when the girl turn around not noticing the close distance between the male, and their lips touches. Anything that is accidental

warnings : miya atsumu, Suna Gets a Haircut

a/n : so i did one of those random hq generator things bc i could only decide on one boi and that was tsukki,,, the results made me laugh so here you go -- btw these are all gonna be pre-dating bc thats just wonderful we love that

tsukishima kei

this is definitely all tsukkis fault

you two are at your house just vibing and at some point you head into the kitchen to make food

and hes leaning against the counter right in front of the cabinet you need to get to

but he has the audacity not to move the fuck outta the way when you tell him you need to get past 

so youre like ok fuck it and just reach around him to open it 

but the bowl you need is pretty high up so youre like on your tippy toes tryna get the damn thing and hes just sitting there watching you struggle 

instead of helping you like he isnt damn near 6′3″

but riiiiight as youve got the bowl, you end up grabbing it a little too forcefully and you bring like a million dishes down with it 

so ofc even though he definitely deserves it, youre not trying to concuss the poor guy with literal ceramic dishes raining down on him 

so you kinda lunge forward to stop them all from falling 

and, hearing the crash of dishes over his head, he naturally ducks because he doesnt want to die

honestly,,,, its more of a crash of your noses and foreheads but theres such chaos of like,,, trying not to die?? 

that at some point you just feel his mouth on yours and it deadass just stays there while you both are figuring out what the hell is happening 

eventually he kinda pulls back but only a little bc he knows youre struggling to hold onto the dishes and he doesnt wanna screw that up

and he doesnt even say anything he just reaches up awkwardly and helps you set the dishes back on the shelf

and then he grabs the bowl youd been trying the get the entire time and hands it to you with a completely blank face 

its a very awkward dinner im not gonna lie

mostly bc at some point he just starts cracking jokes about it and refuses to acknowledge it seriously bc he sucks

ennoshita chikara

ennoshita’s taking a break from studying with the second years on the team

mostly bc he never gets any studying done with them 

so youre studying together for a test at his house

and its just been many many hours of studying so ofc youre both exhausted

so its not surprising to him when you just pass out on your notes

but the thing is,,, your heads right on top of a sheet that he needs

and for a while he just kinda studies without it

he studies other stuff and tries to remember it on his own so he can fill in the gap in his notes

but eventually hes like fuck i really need these notes

so he just,,, tries to slide it out from under your head really carefully

and it involves a lot of him getting really close and trying to lift your head and a bunch of really soft cute things that would be super embarrassing for him to be caught doing

like,,, if you happened to wake up

which of course, you do

and youre really confused bc you can feel his breath fanning over your face and his eyes are really close but not focused on you, theyre focused on smth under your face

so you lift your head to see what hes doing

but he freaks out and moves his face when he notices youre awake

and its just a litto brush of your lips over his as your faces are passing each other

but the poor bub jumps back like you just shocked the crap out of him

and then he apologizes for like the next ten minutes and its impossible to get back to studying bc youre both just panicking internally

miya atsumu

this literally happens like it does in the movies

it all starts with a chase scene

that really you should never have been a part of

youre just minding your business walking down the hall after school on your way to get your stuff

and its pretty empty bc you had a club thing so its late afternoon and no ones around

and you just hear it

men screaming

and then he appears, barreling around the corner like his life depends on it

and youre like

this cant be good

and when he sees you hes yelling out for you like HELP ME 

but you somehow always manage to get caught in the miya twin antics so youre like

fuck no im out

but apparently youre not out bc atsumus grabbing your arm and dragging you behind him yelling smth about scissors and a haircut

and when you look back you just see suna rounding the corner, half of his little triangle haircut chopped off so he looks like a sad half onigiri,,,

but you know it was atsumu and that this man is definitely dead when suna catches him

so youre like okay fuck it i guess im helping him AGAIN 

and you get outside to a section of the school where theres still sports teams practicing and lots of people around so you hide in a corner together

but the Suna Energy is approaching so atsumu fuckin freaks and does that cheesy movie thing where he ducks his head down so he wont be seen 

but theres like a group of guys passing by and one of them just bumps into atsumus back and that shit just sends him right into you

and all he can think is “oops”

he only has one brain cell give him a break

but he just stalls completely and forgets about the whole suna thing

but ofc his hair is fucking piss yellow and suna has not forgotten

he ends up totally getting his ass beat  but after that little smooch atsumus definitely a bit keen to see you more often 

lev haiba

i fucking love this gif look at the litto shoyou go

this tall babie does not know the meaning of personal space he has no functional understanding of a Bubble

honestly he probably gets dangerously close to kissing you on a regular basis, considering you’re seatmates in class

he’s just ALWAYS in your space

at first he’s probably shy bc he doesn’t know you

but once you become friends he’s like THIS IS NOT YOUR DESK THIS IS JUST MY SECOND DESK

so every day there’s always one thing that’s super dangerous

last week it was him looking over your shoulder while you did work silently

yesterday it was him reaching across you to open the window on your left side

today he just really wants a bite of the bread you bought and are currently already eating

and when he wants smth, he gets Very Whiny

he’s so clingy and adorable that you can’t ever get mad

he’s like a little puppy how can you resist him

so when you’re finally like okay fine you can have a bite he’s like

MONCH

he doesn’t even wait for you to tear off a piece he just leans in for a bite

but you had said yes while in the middle of biting it so he essentially does that thing where you’re both biting it at the same time

but, again, he doesn’t know what personal space means

so he also doesn’t have the ability to gauge distances well

so he straight up just meets you halfway and presses his mouth to yours while he’s biting down

the boi probably doesn’t even notice

he just pulls back quickly once he has his bite and goes about his life

you literally are going to have to tell him he just kissed you

and after that he’s a total fucking mess

he doesn’t know what to do he never knows what to do

he’s just going to keep causing Chaos while he panics

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #ennoshita chikara #ennoshita x reader #miya atsumu #atsumu x reader #lev haiba #lev x reader #haikyuu headcanons

[hikari-writes]

『Haikyuu!!』

Fluff Headcanons

Pocky Day Special

↬ Playing pocky game with them

Pairing: Yamaguchi Tadashi, Akaashi Keiji & Yaku Morisuke

Warning: Tiiny bit of swearing and tooth rotting fluff 🥺🥺

Genre: FLOOOOOOOOOF

Words: 2.6k

Note:

- GN!Reader

Taglist: @ssucrose @laylahoran @whootwhoot @mirakeul @sunacity @hajibee @luv4kiyoomi @tamaguchi @cadenceh2o @yamagucji @ynainnit @tsukisemi [Join my taglist here!]

A/N: i know im 2 days late,, but whatever, better late than never >:( and you bet i did research on the pocky flavours for this 😎😎 and yes, i may say this is pretty self indulgent since theyre all my husbandos but shuuussh 🙄🙄 this got longer as it progressed and idek why--- istg its not bc of favouritism or anything okay 😣😣

↬ Yamaguchi Tadashi

『Cookies & Cream flavoured Pocky』

➳ It wasn't such a bad idea to play around once in a while

➳ So you bought a pack of Cookies and Cream pocky to play with Yamaguchi

➳ He wasn't too big on the idea at first, since you two are just FRIENDS after all

➳ Not for long though 

➳ But you managed to convince him, saying that it'll be fun and stuff

➳ He reluctantly gave in eventually

➳ You gave him the advantage of biting his end first, and you scooted closer to bite yours 

➳ When I tell you you could feel the heat radiating from his face

➳ The both of you started the game after you counted to three

➳ You started off pretty slowly, then you sped up after noticing Yamaguchi's pace slowing down

➳ You were nearing the middle of the pocky, when all of a sudden Yamaguchi picked up the pace and reached the middle of the pocky

➳ But he didn't stop there

➳ Instead of moving away and claiming his victory, he continued biting until he reached your lips

➳ You were shocked, obviously, so you just sat there and stared at Yamaguchi's closed eyes as he continued to kiss you

➳ After what felt like an eternity, he finally pulled away and looked at you. As soon as he noticed you're a blushing mess, a small smirk formed on his face

➳ “Well, wasn't that fun?”

➳ Your blush darkened and you narrowed your eyes at him

➳ “You sly little….”

➳ “You should've expected that coming though~”

➳ “Well, you sped up all of a sudden!! How was I supposed to see that coming?!”

➳ You grabbed the pocky box and took another stick out

➳ “Let's do it again. I won't lose this time.”

➳ Let's just say that this went on for a pretty long time and at the end of the day, you decided it'd be best to just confess your feelings to him 

➳ (Which was also "coincidentally" the sole reason you wanted to play a pocky game with him)

↬ Akaashi Keiji

『Matcha flavoured Pocky』

➳ Unlike the matcha pocky, your first kiss with your boyfriend was, minty 

➳ You and Akaashi just started going out and one day, during a sleepover that was held at Bokuto's house, all of you decided to play pocky game since it was the 11th of November 

➳ Of course, as a new (and also the only) couple in the group, the both of you were targeted as the ones to play the game first 

➳ You felt a bit conflicted about this matter. Of course, it would be a dream come true to get to kiss Akaashi (who would even let that chance slip by) but you're also not sure if you wanted your first kiss to be because of a party game

➳ Akaashi noticed your reluctance and figured that you might not be ready to kiss him yet, since you two just started dating after all 

➳ (Not gonna lie, he was pretty dejected but he valued your feelings first and foremost like the gentleman he is so he won't force you if you don't want to.)

➳ “I'm sorry, but can we pass this one up? I don't think L/N is ready to--”

➳ “We'll do it!! I mean-- I'll do it! I'm totally okay with doing it!”

➳ You quickly interrupted Akaashi and grabbed the Matcha pocky box from the table before taking one pocky stick out

➳ “L-let's do this…”

➳ You bit one end of the pocky and moved closer to Akaashi to make it easier for him to bite his side of the end

➳ Kaori and Bokuto both whistled at your boldness which made you blush even harder. Akaashi sent a silent glare their way in an attempt to make them shut up, to which they did (but not without smirking and grinning like cats at the sight of you and Akaashi)

➳ The game started and you could feel everyone's stares digging a hole inside you

➳ The two of you started at a pretty slow pace, and it felt like the pocky was kilometres long given how long it took for you to reach the middle

➳ As the both of your faces started to get closer, your heart thumped louder and louder, making you worried that Akaashi would hear it

➳ You took a glance at his face, and just as you did, almost as if he noticed your glance, he looked back at you

➳ Seeing Akaashi's beautiful eyes staring back at yours in such close proximity made your brain stopped working for a moment and in a state of panic, you accidentally snapped the pocky in two and stumbled backwards 

➳ Akaashi blinked in confusion at the whole situation, which just made your brain short circuited and steams started to escape from your ears

➳ You became a stuttering mess and you couldn't sit back up until Akaashi held out a hand to help you

➳ As soon as you got to sit up straight again, you immediately buried your face in his chest and murmured “It's my lost….”.

➳ Akaashi finished biting the leftover pocky and held you closer to him

➳ “That was a good game,” he whispered back

➳ Everyone started to give you two lovebirds teasing grins and laughs 

➳ The game continued with you still buried in Akaashi's chest, with you occasionally giving curious glances to see exactly what was happening

➳ After some time, everyone started to get sleepy and decided that it was time to sleep

➳ After what just happened, you honestly didn't really feel like sleeping

➳ So instead you whispered Akaashi's name and gestured for him to come closer after you two were ready to lay down on the futon

➳ “What is it, L/N?”

➳ He came closer to you but was surprised when you suddenly pulled the collar of his shirt and tiptoed just enough to reach his face before planting a kiss on his lips

➳ The kiss smelled and tasted a bit like mint, since you two just brushed your teeth and all, but you honestly weren't complaining at all. It was refreshing 

➳ Right after you parted your lips, you tried to look at him straight in the eyes (keyword: tried) and explained your actions

➳ “S-sorry I suddenly snapped the pocky….it was an accident...well, kind of. Besides that, I wanted our first kiss to be special so uhm…”

➳ Akaashi understood your intention now and he couldn't help but to give a soft chuckle at your flustered self

➳ “W-what's so funny??”

➳ “Nothing, it's just…..you were too cute so…”

➳ You silently screamed at him and lightly punched his arm as he continued chuckling. The both of you were still careful so as to not make any noise and wake up the others though

➳ (Kind of useless though since they were just pretending to sleep and already witnessed your lovey-dovey couple moments)

↬ Yaku Morisuke

『Tsubu Tsubu Strawberry flavoured Heart Shaped Pocky』

➳ It all started with a stupid dare by Kuroo 

➳ Of course, how could you chicken out and refuse if that was the case?

➳ Apparently, Kuroo’s older sister bought too many boxes of pocky and gave him some. He thought of sharing them with the team and brought them to school

➳ After practice was done, however, he got a brilliant idea

➳ He distributed the boxes to everyone but when he got to you, he got a different way to give them

➳ “Here you go, Y/N. A heart shaped pocky, special just for you, the manager. Tsubu tsubu strawberry flavoured.”

➳ “Oh, I’ve seen this type of pocky on the internet before. They look so cute! But I didn’t manage to find them anywhere. Thanks--”

➳ Just as you were about to take the box from him, he retreated back his hand and held the box higher and out of reach from you 

➳ You looked at him with visible confusion, and he smirked down at you

➳ “Well, this is a special type of pocky you know? It feels like a waste to just give it to you like that.”

➳ “Didn’t you say that I got the special one because I’m the manager?”

➳ You’re starting to get annoyed at his attitude but you tried to cover it up with a forced smile

➳ “Still, this is the only heart shaped pocky I got from my sister…..Hmmm what should I do~?”

➳ You tried to grab the box from him, but he only held the box higher and on top of that, used his other hand to push your face away from him

➳ You finally ran out of patience and started to go full on feral mode at him

➳ “KUROO TETSUROU JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN POCKY!!”

➳ This is why no one messed with you regarding the subject of candies and sweets

➳ It was quite a scene, and Kai had to step in to ease the fight

➳ Kuroo finally lowered his arms and you took that as an opportunity to snatch the pocky box 

➳ But he used the same trick again and moved his arms away before you could reach it

➳ “I’ll give you the pocky, under one condition.”

➳ You looked at him with extreme irritation. His name’s going to be in your blacklist for sure now

➳ “What?” You said, rather begrudgingly.

➳ Kuroo smirked in victory. He turned away from you and faced the direction Yaku was in.

➳ “Yakkun! Come here for a sec!”

➳ Your heart literally jumped out of your chest at that moment. Kuroo’s planning something, and whatever it was, you’re not gonna like it

➳ “So here’s the thing. I’ll give you the pocky, but only after you complete a pocky game, with Yakkun. How’s that?”

➳ Your face turned dark red at his proposal. 

➳ “Are you crazy?! There’s no way I’ll do that!”

➳ You whisper yelled at him so as to not raise any suspicion from Yaku.

➳ “And why won’t you, hmm?”

➳ Seeing his teasing grin and narrowed eyes, you knew at that moment, that Kuroo knew of your crush on Yaku. 

➳ “W-what-- how do you--? Don’t tell me you knew?” 

➳ “Knew what? Are you hiding something perhaps?”

➳ You gritted your teeth in frustration. Oh, he knew alright. And he’s gonna pretend as if he doesn’t

➳ “Whatever, and why should I even do this?”

➳ “To get your desired special heart shaped tsubu tsubu strawberry flavoured pocky?”

➳ Phew that was a mouthful

➳ He swung the pocky box in front of you, tempting you even more

➳ Just as you were about to agree to play the game, a realization struck you

➳ “Ha! Nice try there, Kuroo. What makes you think Yaku would even want to play this game with me?”

➳ “Play what game?” 

➳ You literally jumped from your position in shock when Yaku’s voice suddenly came up behind you, earning a snicker from Kuroo

➳ “I dared Y/N to play a pocky game with you, and if they did, they’ll receive this special pocky as a prize.”

➳ You internally screamed and tried to keep yourself from murdering this rooster head but Yaku’s unexpected reaction made you forget about the murderous instinct for a moment

➳ “Oh, okay. Sure, let’s play it then.”

➳ “W-wait, are you really, REALLY sure you wanna play it with me??”

➳ “I don’t see anything wrong with that. Besides, you’ve helped us -me especially- a lot by being our manager already. Helping you with something this trivial is the least I can do.”

➳ You tried to hide the blush that was creeping up your face and Kuroo, noticing your heating face immediately nudged your arm while displaying a much wider grin than before

➳ You excused yourself for a moment and took out your phone before googling “Can you stay friends with someone you just kissed?” in the case of you two kissing after the pocky game

➳ “Well then, here you go. I’ll give you mine since I still have some more at home.”

➳ Yaku took the box of pocky from Kuroo after he fished it out from his bag and opened the packaging. He took one out and bit the end without the coating

➳ Noticing that Yaku's ready for the game, you put back your phone inside your uniform pocket. You gulped once and tried to calm your nerves as you moved closer to him to bite your side of the pocky

➳ When you scooted closer to him however, he didn’t notice your presence until you were directly in front of him and biting the pocky with a heavy blush on your face

➳ Yaku stared at you with his wide, brown eyes for a moment before snapping the pocky into two out of reflex and fell on his back

➳ All of the others stared in shock at Yaku who’s now on the floor, covering his face with one hand. It was pretty obvious that he was blushing, even if he tried to hide it. His reddening ears gave it all away

➳ “Yaku, what’s wrong?”

➳ Kai was the first to break the silence. You were still shocked at his overreaction so you were just standing there with the half broken piece of pocky still in your mouth

➳ “Wait--I-- I just--- Uhm--- I thought we were playing a pocky game???”

➳ You had probably never seen Yaku this flustered before in your entire life. It was certainly a sight to see, but it just made your blush grew darker on your face

➳ “And you were….Wait, don’t tell me, you don’t know how a pocky game works?”

➳ Kuroo guessed with a snap of his fingers, as if he just made a great discovery

➳ “Don’t each person just take a pocky for themselves and it’s a game where you compete on who can finish their pocky first?”

➳ Kuroo covered his mouth to prevent any laugh from escaping and your soul had probably left your body at this point. The second-hand embarrassment you were feeling was no joke

➳ Kuroo tried to explain the rules of the game to Yaku, which just ended up making the libero blush even harder than before

➳ “Who even invented this game….”

➳ He whispered underneath his breath after Kuroo’s explanation. He looked at you who were surrounded by the first years poking their fingers at your arms and asking, “Are they dead?” with a troubled sigh

➳ “Okay….let’s do this again.”

➳ He finally got up and took out another pocky stick. Your soul finally returned to your body when he was in front of you and holding out the pocky with his mouth 

➳ “It’s okay if you don’t want to do it, Yaku! I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or anything….”

➳ Yaku silenced you by grabbing both your shoulders firmly, but not so much with force, as if he’s treating a fragile thing

➳ “It’s okay. I really don’t mind if I’m playing this... with you.”

➳ You bit the other side of the pocky and tried to focus on eating without thinking too much on what he just said, which just ended up in a total failure by the way

➳ The both of you went on a steady pace but when you finally almost reached the middle of the pocky, you both simultaneously stopped and stared down awkwardly, trying to avoid eye contact with one another

➳ Many thoughts ran through the both of your heads, and all of it were more or less the same

➳ “What if I accidentally kissed him/them? He/they probably wouldn’t like that….”

➳ “He/they would probably even hate me if that happened…..”

➳ After several seconds had passed, you two finally decided to continue biting on the pocky. And simultaneously once again, might I add

➳ This just resulted in the both of your lips to brush against one another in the end, and you swore your heart just escaped from your chest when you felt the sensation of Yaku’s lips brushing against yours

➳ You and Yaku both moved and turned away from one another, too embarrassed to face the other

➳ “Well, you’ve cleared the dare, so here’s your prize.”

➳ Kuroo casually put the box of pocky on top of your head and left the gym to head back home, followed by the others, intentionally leaving you and Yaku alone in the gym

➳ Okay, maybe you can at least lift Kuroo’s name from your blacklist after this. After all, he did help you get closer to your crush…..kinda

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu yamaguchi tadashi x reader #haikyuu yamaguchi tadashi #haikyuu yamaguchi x reader #yamaguchi tadashi x reader #yamaguchi x reader #haikyuu yamaguchi #haikyuu akaashi keiji #haikyuu akaashi keiji x reader #haikyuu akaashi x reader #haikyuu akaashi #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi x reader #haikyuu yaku morisuke x reader #haikyuu yaku morisuke #haikyuu yaku #haikyuu yaku x reader #yaku morisuke x reader #yaku x reader

[commanderserwin]

modern AU; one of us.

[ c o n t i n u a t i o n ]

↦ pairing(s): erwin smith x reader

↦ word count: 3.7k

↦ @bluebellhairpin​ request: You said you wanted this, so prepare thy self; a modern!Erwin x reader fix based off that ABBA song 'one of us'. So like they both together but they are really distant and its obvious to others that theyre still pining for each other but they never spend time together - then eventually they do, and they just can't help that the fluff-meter goes way up. I think youd write that well.

↦ author’s note(s): yes, yes, yes, it’s late!! but this is what my braincells came up with after spending hours listening to that song!!! enjoy & thank u !! ♡♡♡

[ c o n t i n u a t i o n ]

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love does move in mysterious ways. it makes you feel lightheaded thinking of the person you love; on cloud nine, and every time your lips would touch, it ignites everything inside you. it's what makes your toes curl, grin widely, butterflies in your stomach; all the good things. but sometimes, love makes you lose the sense of yourself. it makes you feel so occupied, like time revolves around them, giving yourself whole to them, without even saving a piece for yourself. love is love-- but it is cruel, suffocating, difficult; maybe it's just the responsibility of loving.

the ceiling became your friend and your enemy, always looking-- seeing how you cried your eyes out, screamed into the pillow, wrap yourself in your blanket, or even when your tears has run out and you're looking with your mouth agape-- throat dry, and eyes tired. the ceiling has always listened to you, and you often wonder what it would say if it would speak. would it make fun of you? would it scream into your face? would it bring sense into your brain? would it ask the same question you are asking yourself? why did you do it? why did you break up with him?

second anniversary. two years together. a celebration over a nice dinner, that turned sour and the epitome of break-up.

you stared at the bathroom mirror, looking right through your eyes, breathing hard as your heart thudded louder than ever. the tiny monologue of your brain echoed, making you clench the sink as you placed on your best dress and shoes, as you applied the lipstick with shaky hands. his footsteps echoed in the silent apartment, making you jump when he finally opened the bathroom door.

erwin leaned on the doorframe, his smile gracing his beautiful face. “you look very beautiful.”

you know erwin loves— loved you very much. but you weren’t prepared when he took out a red velvet box from his jacket and that’s when you clammed up, sweat forming on your temple when you realized what was happening.

shit, you thought, this cannot be happening.

“is that... is that-,” you stuttered, watching erwin walk closer from his reflection on the mirror as you clutched the sink. you can’t look at him or else you’d only vomit the words you that has always been stuck at your throat.

erwin kissed your cheek, as his lips brushed your ears, feeling his smile widen when he imagined how you’d look when he would finally pop the question. “no, i got you a gift.”

by then, you have started to breathe normally again. but your body tensed up when you felt erwin’s lips graced over on the curve of your neck, his lips planting soft kisses on your skin, his hands making its way to snake around your waist. he kissed your shoulder, looking with you through the mirror for both of your reflections.

you looked like you wanted to get away, but erwin’s too high off of you to actually notice. his eyes watched you, as he opened the box right in front of you. there sits a dainty diamond necklace, and your knees has started to buckle, feeling his hands clasp them over to your neck. erwin is too sweet, and you don’t know how and why you could do this to him. he is everything you have hoped for yet your mind has tangled the thoughts in yours, screaming; get it over with. he’s not for you. end it. and you listened.

suddenly, erwin’s back on the doorframe, tapping on it gently to get your attention. “i got us a reservation at that restaurant. come out whenever you are ready.”

“okay,” you murmured, watching the diamond reflect its colors through the light. “i’ll be out soon.”

“i love you.”

erwin didn’t miss the hesitation in your actions and lips, and his heart fell. that tiny crack is enough for his mind to think every possible way he has ever made you think twice because of him. sure, two years is nothing comparing to the other relationships out there, but you two were solid. trust upon trust, as if nothing could tear you two down. but that tiny sliver... it painted his mind that maybe something is wrong and he’s too blind to see what is was.

“i love you,” and it tasted like poison.

the restaurant was packed to the brim, and you were thankful that erwin chose a booth seat, away from the loud crowd. he sat in front of you, his fingers tapping lightly as he read the menu. erwin couldn’t help but peek through it, watching at how your eyes would flit back to reality and the gnawing thought in your mind. he didn’t push it because it was nothing; and that’s what he wanted to believe. wanted.

“erwin?” there it is. erwin lowered down his menu, his blue eyes piercing through you. he gripped the menu for a second, before calming down as he parted in mouth in question.

“do you want to share the chicken parmesan with me?” you stuttered, feeling his eyes too heavy on you. how long could you keep this up? you thought.

“sure,” erwin nodded, reading his menu but the words has started to become a daze to him; his mind going back to you, over and over again.

soon, all the food has arrived, and the table turned awkward as the two of you ate, the quiet chewing the only sound from the both of you. erwin would try to smile and nod, sharing his food with you, and it’d make your heart ache— thinking maybe you shouldn’t do it. how could you break his heart?

“say it to me,” erwin murmured, hands beside his plate as he looked at you.

you were like a deer caught in the headlights, as you pulled the plate closer, a ghost of a smile on your lips. “what do you mean?”

“don’t lie to me.”

“i’m not lying,” you lied, sighing loudly as you placed the fork down, hand trying to reach for him but he retreated it. “erwin...”

“whatever it is,” erwin whispered, crossing his arms. he just wanted the truth.

it’s literally now or never, and he’s giving you the chance to speak up, and you took it with all your might.

“i need a break. from us.” you sighed, biting down your lip. erwin remained impassive, as he continued to look, beckoning you to continue. “i think we’re better off without each other.”  

“why?”

“it’s not you. it’s me.”

erwin couldn’t help but run his hands down his face, eyes closed as he tried to digest your words. he’s heard those words from movies and books, and he refuses to believe that he is hearing it now, and it’s coming from you. it was the classic excuse from the films, and he couldn’t really fucking believe it.

“god,” erwin groaned, palming his eyes. “are you serious?”

“i’m sorry,” and you meant it.

erwin took a deep breath, using a few minutes to talk some sense into himself. breaks in relationships were deadly— not knowing when or how it’ll come back to life after one lets go; unsure if it can still be mended. it’ll snap relationships in half, but he trusts you enough that you’ll come back.

“okay, we can do that,” he whispered, stretching his hand, as he gripped the fork again. erwin has believe it’s going to get better.

“okay?” you whispered back, lips quivering and you have no idea why you were crying. it felt too easy, but you grabbed on to that. it already feels lighter now that you’ve said it.

“it’s only a break,” erwin repeated, staring at you. he began to eat his food, never meeting your eyes again for the rest of the dinner turned the opposite way around.

it was two years of spending birthdays, christmases, new years, together. two years of absolute bliss, always waiting to go home to each other, ready to be held in each others arms. two years of hiding each other’s gifts— receiving and giving them. two years of giving each other candies that they like, leaving cups of tea or coffee by their work tables, or leaving warm towels on the sink when it has gotten colder. the most mundane things and you’ve missed it so much that it has left you daydreaming of it all.

the ceiling has already started to mock you, watching your impassive face tear up at the scenarios playing in your head, as you wished to take it all back. the tears fell to your ears as you laid on the bed, thinking of him.

erwin did the same thing. but he’s already on the verge of giving up.

after that dinner, erwin parted ways with you, his feet dragging in your apartment as he insisted to get his things he left around. he found himself walking into your bedroom, opening your closets where his spare jeans and shirts were when he would spent the nights with you. he looked around, thinking of what more could he get rid off.

you followed him around like a lost puppy, thumbs fiddling with each other, mouth shut as your mind rambled: 'no, leave your shirt,' 'leave your toothbrush,' 'don't get your house slippers,' while you could only watch him. your heart crushing at the sight of him. your eyes followed his every movement, watching him turn in your bedroom, and he made his way towards your bedside table. it was messy, full of his pens and books he would leave, and there sits a small frame with a drunken polaroid; both of your cheeks flushed, eyes wide, and teeth showing as both of you smiled, his hand flushed against your shoulder to pull you any closer when he took that picture.

"no!" you called out, walking past him to take back the polaroid from his hand. you looked up at erwin, and it was then you realized he was crying. tears fell on his cheeks slowly, dropping into your hand as you pried his hand off of your favorite memory. "i want to keep it."

"it's only a break," you sighed, meeting him back to the living room as he clutched his things in his arms.

he nodded again, mustering up a smile one last time until he stood up in front of you. he bent down slightly, his hand cupping the back of your head as he placed a kiss on the crown of your head. he didn't want to let go. not like this, and he blames himself for actually letting go. erwin finally made his way towards your door, hand hovering as he took took a deep breath, opening it... and hoping it won't be the last time he closes it. he found a home in you, and he could only watch as it crumbled as he walked further and further away.

that break turned into days, and weeks, and months, closing in on a year— and he could only accept reality that there is no getting back together, the you and him... gone.

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"stop looking at your phone." mike looked over at erwin as he spun in his office chair, using his feet to move over to his friend. mike took the phone in erwin's hand, shaking it in the air as he shook his head.

"she's not going to text you," mike muttered, patting hard erwin's shoulder as erwin only pierced daggers onto his friend's stupid face. "it's been a year, move on."

erwin only rolled his eyes, grabbing the phone as he tucked it in his pants, pushing mike away, "i have moved on."

mike pushed his chair, tapping on their other friend's chair, as he spun around to nudge their shoulder. "he said he's moved on."

"oh, erwin," hange sighed, spinning around in her chair as she shook her head in pity, "you haven't. she hasn't, too."

"enough," erwin turned around, grabbing a pen to twirl it around in his fingers. he listened to his friends behind him mumble about his wretched relationship, lazily looking at the screen as his work blinked in red for all the deadlines he has to meet. his eyes read the words with a low sigh, fingers still twirling the pen, but he placed it down right after while he read his computer screen— his hand finding for the gadget in his pocket like second nature. he flicked his eyes down, looking at the time, and for his notifications. no texts.

ever since that anniversary dinner, he used to still text you. it was the usual 'good morning's,' and 'don't forget to eat,' wherein you would still reply to him with the same things. but, those messages stopped; and he has already lost hope.

"there goes the phone again," mike muttered, typing away on his own as he glanced at his computer screen, "just wait until you see her during lunch."

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"you ready?" levi tapped his phone on your shoulder, nibbling on his lip as he waited for you to get your purse. he wouldn't miss a day without commenting on that small polaroid photo you placed against your small penholder, that it has become his habit. levi opened his mouth, but he only got pushed in the process as he clutched his phone tighter, watching you stand up.

"don't say it," you muttered, fixing the photo as it moved in the process of you standing up. you looked at it for a second, before looking back at levi as he shrugged at you. "do we really have to spend lunch with... them?"

"who?" levi asked, as he matched your steps, joining the rest of your co-workers on the line for the elevator. "hange, mike, and your ex-boyfriend that you dumped? yes, of course."

"you're an asshole, sometimes, levi," you murmured, waiting for the elevator to arrive. he rolled his eyes in return, used to your comment. "why do we even have to?"

"you can go or not," levi pointed out, busy with waiting for the elevator. "it's not like you don't have a choice."

that shut you up. you still haven't got the slightest clue as to why you are really joining them for lunch. you do have the choice, you're just not choosing wisely because deep down you wanted to see him. it was weird at first, especially during the first week. it just dawned on you that you broke up with him, and yet you're standing just right in front of the table, locking eyes at him, wondering: 'what are you doing here?' then you realized. this was always how your lunches ended up. it also didn't help that he works at the same building as him, considering this is where you met him. so it shouldn't surprise you that good, whenever you see him around. but what surprises you the most, is that you always longed for the lunches, the glances over the food, the simple gestures of passing food to each other, making sure you have enough water, or to even point out a spot on your lips that you have missed. the most mundane things that you tried to dampen whatever you were feeling, because you know there could never be what the two year relationship was.

"hey," levi called out, entering the elevator as you stood there dumbfounded. "you coming or not?"

"coming."

"it won't be that bad," levi commented.

"still," you breathed deeply, crossing your arms as you dreaded for the elevator to reach the lobby. "the date's coming up, you know."

"does it count as could've-been-third-anniversary or first-year-breakup?"

"god," you cursed, stepping out of the elevator as he follows, "fuck you, levi."

both of you waited by the entrance watching the people walk by with their own lunches as they made fare on the streets in a hurry. you didn't even need to turn around to know the trio were down already because hange already tugged you outside with her hand, holding it dear as the men were all left behind to follow.

"so, where should we eat?" hange asked, glancing at you as she guided the group towards her favorite restaurant.

"seems like i already know where," you smiled, following hange's footsteps at every turn to get there.

hange only hummed in response, leaning in closer as she surveyed the solemn look on your face with sad eyes. you only rolled your eyes at her, pulling away when she held on tighter, nudging her chin towards the men behind who was busy talking. "what about the date?"

"if i hear the word date one more time, i will not hesitate to push you over that garbage can," you whispered in her ear, smiling as hange only laughed loudly, finally entering the restaurant.

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the restaurant was exactly how you would imagine it. bustling during lunch hour, quick waiters writing down the table's orders, the amount of people just surging to get their take-outs and to sit on a booth. thankfully, hange was the 'usual' customer so she can easily slither the whole group into a table.

mike only raised his brow when you and erwin took the furthest seats from each other, not even having the decency to hide the smile on his face. he huffed a little when levi and hange moved too quick to grab the other seats, having the last two seats as across from each other. you took the seat with a smile, dragging it as hange talked to the waitress for the orders that she memorized for everybody. hange sat on the head of the table immediately pulling out papers that she handed everybody in a squeal. then, she turned serious as she presented the paper.

"an itinerary," she unfolded the papers, using the clipped pen on her blouse as she discussed it over the loud music. she read the paper while your eyes almost bulged out of your face, memories flushing right at your mind. "for next week."

"nice," mike remarked, quickly reading it over with his own eyes.

it's the seven hour drive towards the beach. it was planned almost a year ago before that fucked dinner, somewhat a gift for all the hard work all of you are putting out. and you completely forgot about it. you knew this thing like the back of your hand, and you wanted to be out because everything you had planned involved erwin. down to all the couply-beach outfits that both of you had sworn to not do, but for shits and giggles, both of you agreed to do so.

"i... i..." you stuttered, holding out the paper as you racked a story to get out and everybody looked at you, even erwin, and that made you more nervous. "i have to check my schedule, i'm busy with work."

"no," levi mused, reading his paper, "boss accepted our week leave, or did you forget?"

the beach is over seven hours away in a quaint town picked by you and erwin. the restaurants were picked by hange and moblit, the hotel picked by levi, and the other activities were picked by nanaba and mike. a group outing, and you wanted out. this is pure cowardice on display because you have no idea on how to spent a whole week away from your comfort zone, and near erwin. you aren't ready for being near him for what you have done, and suddenly guilt comes crawling up your body, almost eating you alive.

"i have to check mine, too," erwin added, tucking the paper underneath his plate. his eyes wondered around the table, and eventually glanced at you while you were thankfully busy skimming it again. "you never know what's going to happen."

“yes,” you agreed, “i have unfinished work and drafts that i need to do over the week. so. i really have to check my schedule.”

“i’m betting on her to drop out of first,” mike winked at you.

“i’m on erwin,” levi shook hands with mike while hange only smirked.

“it’s like the battle of who gets to avoid each other the best,” hange commented, turning to levi and mike while they all laughed. “but we still like each other, blah, blah. yeah, okay.”

meanwhile, erwin and you were glued to your seats, mouths wide open, as they clearly read what was happening.

"still, what a lame excuse," hange muttered, clasping her hands on the table as the food finally arrived. everybody digged in, handing plates around to get fair shares of everything. levi handed his plate to hange to mike to erwin to you.

it was that sudden touch— sparks, where erwin’s fingers brushed yours when he handed you his plate, and it felt like the whole world stopped by that shared look. erwin only cleared his throat, avoiding your eyes as you hung your head low, turning to levi, a second after that felt like eternity. still, lunch went on as usual— as best as the two of you could avoid each other.

[ c o n t i n u a t i o n ]

#erwin smith #erwin x reader #erwin smith x reader #erwin smith imagine #erwin smith imagines #attack on titan #attack on titan imagines #attack on titan imagine #snk imagines #snk imagine #aot imagines #aot imagine #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #shingeki no kyojin x reader

[chrysalizzm]

i uh. realized people follow me now because of uh. you’re human tonight on ao3 asdjgfs

i have content!! behind the scenes content as promised. i do outlines for my fics as a general rule of thumb just because i personally can’t write things to a satisfying finish if i don’t Do That, and so - here are my chapter/plot outlines for you’re human tonight ^^ (i have no idea if this is interesting content or not i thought i’d put it out there because i think outlines are kinda fun hhhh)

chap 1 fundy

subtitle: an inkling

fundy makes an iron golem gone wrong, dream makes it go boom

chap 2 purpled

subtitle: uh oh social interaction

purpled shelters a fugitive, gets his house explosion-proofed as thanks

this is probably gonna be the only chapter with a funny title hh oh well

update: it’s not and i’m pleased with myself for branching out with my dry humor

chap 3 sapnap

subtitle: dust to dust

sapnap’s dying via wither effect, and he knows respawn’s around the corner but goddamn if it doesn’t hurt til then. dream skids in around the nether fortress corner, drops all his weapons cradles sapnap’s head in his hands, has always taken death much harder than anyone sapnap’s ever met. at the last few seconds, when death creeps up like a shroud, dream starts to hum to him hoarsely, pressing his forehead to sapnap’s, and in the final moments sapnap doesn’t hurt at all. the last thing he hears is dream whimpering. he visits dream’s bunker the next day, knocks on the door over and over, but there’s no sign of life there. sapnap shrugs, bites his lip out of guilt for forcing dream to sit there watching him die (if temporarily), and moves on.

the chapter that introduces dream’s primary ability of soothing hurts. put a lot of emphasis on the fact that sapnap ached up until the moment dream started humming, because for dream to do that is pretty frivolous considering once sapnap died he’d respawn and the hurt would just disappear but dream wanted sapnap to have a peaceful last few seconds. emphasize how abnormal it is that withering stops hurting. 

chap 4 ponk

subtitle: beaches dry of sugarcane

dream visits ponk after george burns down the first tree. when ponk arrives to the second tree to move in, he realized dream made the tree flourish, grow healthier and bigger. 

chap 5 sam

subtitle: fuck this shit i’m out (edit: the official subtitle is “oh god oh fuck”, i changed it last-minute)

dream picks sam’s brain for manhunt strategies while the latter is mining for redstone. sam stumbles upon a spawner and reels back, trips, nearly misses the moment dream sweeps him behind him and his eyes flash beneath the mask and when sam gets back up, dazed, there’s nothing but the splay of cobwebs all over the walls. 

chap 6 punz

subtitle: lines drawn

in an unrelated skirmish, punz drives his sword up to the hilt in dream’s chest, relying on respawn for dream to not feel any pain and for punz to get paid. dream doesn’t die. this is understandably alarming. 

can we get some funnies in chap? just a few laughs?? a lil funny for mr luke punz man?

can we get some panicky dry humor for real tho because punz strikes me as someone who copes with morbid humor and dream spluttering up blood is def a situation that punz would not know how to deal with

chap 7 wilbur

subtitle: so about that date

wilbur makes platonic moves on dream while dream fake texts his fiance under the table. wilbur also accidentally vents to dream about his little brother tommy and how afraid he is that tommy will get himself hurt for how reckless he is. dream siphons some of his anxiety from him, smiles as they depart from one another. wilbur notes that dream is shaking when they leave. 

chap 8 skeppy

subtitle: get wrecked noob

dream walks skeppy through some pvp. when skeppy demands a rematch w tommy and gets a lil stage fright kinda sorta thing, dream siphons his anxiety and his nerves and goes full soccer mom with bad and skeppy loses 5-2 but like!! he won!! against tommyinnit!! HH

is there any mental image nearly as powerful as dream wastaken, the soccer mom

chap 9 jack

subtitle: mandatory volunteering

after tommy goes on another one of his destructive rampages lmao, dream enlists jack, newest-comer, to help him rebuild stuff bc underclassmen have to do whatever upperclassmen tell them to do thems just the rules. after rebuilding a statue near the community house, dream pats it fondly, and when tommy sneaks back to set in on fire for shits and giggles, he finds that it’s fuckin fireproofed AGAIN

rebuild efforts, i promised monuments rebuilt so thats what theyre gonna fuckin Get

chap 10 antfrost

subtitle: twist the knife

ant on what ends up being an unpublicized manhunt: dream stops the manhunt because he’s triggered a raid and by the time the hunters get there, alarmed by the screaming and the fire and dream’s unresponsiveness, the villagers are all dead and there are raider corpses everywhere and dream is lying near the bell on his side, whimpering. (what the hunters don’t know - dream tried to fight off the raid but was overwhelmed and witnessed the village get slaughtered, he took the pain of the villagers that weren’t dead but were dying.)

segment: There’s a reason they do the manhunts, and it’s not just for them to horse around and try to kill one another for a few days. Antfrost is the newcomer but he’s always been good at reading people and from the outset he knew that Dream was someone filled to the brim with the restlessness that characterizes humans, that never-settling wanderlust, and his brain works too fast for the rest of his body sometimes, and he just needs an outlet. It’s part of why he eggs Tommy on in their little war games, why he holds onto those discs even though he doesn’t need them, why he gets that delighted look on his face when someone tells him that Tommy’s griefed them or stolen from them or otherwise ruined their morning. Antfrost thinks the only times he’s ever really seen Dream silent, Dream waiting, Dream unmoving, are when Dream is 

chap 11 karl

subtitle: head in the shallows

karl, sapnap, george, and dream have a sleepover after mcc 11. karl, nearest to dream, wakes up when dream starts tossing and turning from a nightmare. when he tries to shake dream awake, dream’s eyes fly open and he slams his fist into the wall behind him and the earth, the literal earth, the entire slab of it, shudders like an earthquake. sapnap and george sleep like the dead, so it’s just karl and dream staring at one another. finally karl asks, concerned, “do you want some tea or water or anything?”

chap 12 hbomb

subtitle: a maid’s burden

“i want to dress up as a maid for fundy,” says hbomb with false bravado. fundy’s fiance levels a very impassive look at him for an awkward minute or two and just when hbomb thinks he’s misread dream and fundy’s relationship dream says “i’ll get you a wig” and the entire chapter is just dream idly twisting the fabric of reality to get hbomb the items he needs to put the outfit together

pranks, i promised pranks, theyre gonna get pranks

chap 13 alyssa

subtitle: message in a bottle (edit: official subtitle is “ship in a bottle”)

alyssa’s leaving, at least temporarily. 

alyssa tells dream it’s getting dangerous on his server, doesn’t relish the expression that brings to his face, but he holds her hands and nods and bids her safe journey. when alyssa returns, running for something (later we’ll learn she had heard that dream was bad, that he might be dying), she finds that her house is completely inaccessible by everyone save her, placed in complete stasis by someone. 

start of the chapters leading up to festival arc. build unresolved tension in this one. 

chap 14 niki

subtitle: life doesn’t discriminate

wilbur and tommy are relentless, they waste no time; niki is willing to wait for it. 

the night before the duel, she goes to dream and holds a sword to his throat and demands he call it off, even though she knows it’ll mean little because of respawn, tells him she won’t stop hunting him down until he gives up l’manberg. dream smiles a little sadly and pats her hand and her fright, her rage, it simmers back down, and the anger that had swarmed her and made dream out to be the devil dies down until it’s just her friend, who was playing along with tommy til it got serious and he got cocky, who’s just as in over his head as she is, and maybe niki’s soft but she likes that about herself, that she’s always the first to forgive. niki is looking at the healing cut on dream’s neck, uncovered by any bandages, when dream shoots tommy, a clean shot that causes no suffering.

a long chapter, probably. i think at some point in this i want to mention niki’s respect for dream for apologizing during the first pet war, for not letting things get any bigger until fundy came back. some parallels can be drawn here - that dream let the fire die down in the initial stages of the pet war, that dream won’t let go of the l’manberg war now, and it occurs to niki that she doesn’t know dream nearly as well as she thinks she does if she expected him to act exactly the way he did during the pet war. she’s got what she’s wanted - dream’s remorse, proof of dream’s humanity - even though it’s not in the form niki wanted it. 

chap 15 eret

subtitle: crown of thorns

the king in name only consults with the true leader. 

they’re both upset about pogtopia’s exile, eret arguably more so because they think their early betrayal of l’manberg somehow butterfly-effected into the current dumpster fire, and as they talk eret works themself into a full panic attack reflecting on things that were, things that could’ve been - and the tide washes out all of a sudden, and eret’s left with the same looming hollowness they’d been feeling before, no dregs of the panic, they’ve never had a panic attack that left them feeling normal after - but dream is now wheezing like he’s about to die and eret immediately walks him through the panic attack, levelheaded even as they’re confused out of their mind. 

chap 16 quackity

subtitle: water to blood

quackity is a snake in the grass. 

quackity at schlatt’s side during the few weeks of his presidency. he knows schlatt from before, has been his friend, so he knows when his friend is acting off. the cynical, straight-faced humor is still there, his completely bland delivery and brazen showmanship, but it’s twisted to the left somehow, to make it so that those qualities that make up his friend have rotted, hurt people. quackity eventually goes to dream after schlatt first overdoses with a lot of questions, maybe even to confess that his allegiance has begun to shift because he can’t go to pogtopia and he can’t go to schlatt - and dream just gives him a long, sad look before lightly patting quackity’s shoulder and says “i can’t guarantee anything - just that you’ll be safe” and shooing him off and as quackity heads back to manberg he realises all the hostile mobs are avoiding him like the fucking plague. 

it’s big q!!!! fattest ass in the cabinet!!!!! pog!!!

fun fact this chapter’s subtitle was almost “chekhov’s gun” until november fucking 16th of 2020

chap 17 tommy

subtitle: most disputes die and no one shoots

tommy learns how a legacy dies.

a compendium of tommy watching the madness consume wilbur. it needs to be emphasized in this chapter that wilbur becomes an entirely different person when they’re ejected from manberg, that he becomes obsessed with the legacy he’s created and watching it crumble is what twists him; when dream gives tommy his crossbow, tommy, out of desperation and a need to have an older sibling again, asks what’s wrong with wilbur; dream’s face hardens and he asks tommy to take dream to wilbur. it’s a terse meeting, the only one they have before techno and before wilbur completely loses it and demands the tnt; wilbur says a lot of things tommy doesn’t understand (it’s complex mythological jargon hinting at dream’s status as a god but could be misconstrued to refer to dream’s status as simply the world owner) and at one point wilbur sneers, “are you trying to play god, dream?” and dream lurches forward and grabs wilbur by the wrist, and there’s a completely silent moment where tommy feels the air suck out of his lungs and there’s an off buzzing in his ears and he fancies he hears something that sounds, just a bit, like dream, whispering desperately wilbur wilbur wilbur it’s me it’s me listen listen listen then a shrieking, acrid wave of no and tommy reels back and when he looks up dream has staggered back, his hand to his mouth, blood dripping from somewhere beneath his mask, sounding like he’s gagging or maybe he’s sobbing, as wilbur shrieks in a voice that is entirely not his “get out get out if i can’t have l’manberg...” and tommy understands, finally, as dream sprints out. that’s not wilbur.

a distinction needs to be made perfectly clear in this chapter, as with schlatt’s chapter: it’s not them. they’ve been twisted out of control by something bigger than them, something that wants to toy with the young god running an oasis of peace for his people. it doesn’t need to be outright said in this fic; in another we can delve into the madness and who did it and why. for now, just make it clear it’s not explicitly anyone’s fault.

chap 18 techno

subtitle: colosseum

dream had to let techno in first, you know. 

techno and dream have interacted often - the duel, the championships, they’re friends more than acquaintances now. but techno was called in by someone wearing his brother’s face that he honestly doesn’t recognize from his voice and when he arrives at spawn, before tommy fetches him, he sees dream sitting cross legged waiting for him and they talk about the situation, dream giving techno a quick brief. when tommy comes, crying “techno, this way, this way to pogtopia”, and crossbow bolts are being fired at techno, dream gives him a lil wave goodbye (or what techno thinks is a lil wave goodbye but what actually turns out to be putting a swiftness effect on him).

“that’s not my brother, dream,” says techno, and dream’s mouth wobbles and he says, hoarse, “i know.”

techno Suspects, but only knows that dream has world-manipulating powers and thus standard minor god powers. he doesn’t let dream know he suspects. 

chap 19 bad

subtitle: run devil run

bad trusts dream, perhaps against his better judgement. 

dream comes to visit bad and skeppy on neutral grounds in the interim leading up to the festival that everyone on the server is side-eyeing and side-stepping. bad considers his friend and the owner of the world as he gives dream an impromptu tour through the escape route he and skeppy have dug out, wonders with a little reproach how dream could let things get to this point, then, soft, gentle as always, acknowledges that dream is only human kindly. when he says that, though, dream’s face crumples, as though those words hurt him more than any criticism bad’s given him in the time he’s known him, as though bad had driven a blade into his heart, and bad doesn’t understand but he lets dream run away from that. when a small flock of creepers explode over the tunnel the night before the festival and bad grumbles that he has to fix it, he learns dream left him with a fortified escape tunnel.

a/n: i’m sure the irony isn’t lost on you.

chap 20 tubbo

subtitle: cadmean victory

what say the sacrificial lamb?

tubbo is coming to terms with the fact that he might not make it out of office in one piece and it’s not his first time respawning but the older members of the server always, always did their best to shield the younger ones from death. he runs into dream by complete coincidence while he’s avoiding pogtopia (mostly wilbur) and manberg (mostly schlatt), caught between two strangers wearing his friends’ faces. he looks at dream, who looks back at him impassively, and tubbo starts to cry, because it finally hits him that even with his death and respawn nothing will be fixed, nothing can change, the poison’s run too deep into the veins of dream’s beautiful little world and now nothing can be right anymore and it feels like he’s shattering into tiny, aching shards - and then dream kneels before him, takes his hands, presses his forehead to them, sighs like his heart’s breaking, and tubbo feels a small calm thread back into him as dream stands abruptly, jittery. dream, with hands that shake, grips tubbo’s shoulder, hovers for a second, then his head jerks up and he bolts into the forest, clambering up a tree with admirable ease and disappearing away into the leaves as schlatt suddenly emerges from the bushes nearby with a joyous, plastic “hey! tubbo!”

chap 21 george

subtitle: lantern burns low

a moment in the night; george is visited by a specter. 

dream comes, pale, and asks george if there is anything wrong, is everything okay with you? takes george’s caught-off-guard face in his hands and says george george george, are you - and george catches a glimpse of dream’s powers (is he safe safe does he hurt no but fear but anxiety there are dregs hush now quiet now he is safe all quiet quiet quiet he’s safe) and he says, stricken even as the constant thrum of nervous energy he’d kept with him fades out, “dream what was that,” and dream presses his hands to his mask where his eyes are and says, despairingly, “they don’t get to have you too,” and staggers back out. 

george is the first person dream overtly “comes out” to. this is also why george doesn’t see dream til the festival. 

chap 22 schlatt

subtitle: the empty throne

dream visits schlatt in his office. 

schlatt, possessed by madness, has no idea what he’s saying but it feels right, it’s exactly right, everything is in his hands, and when dream approaches, his hands facing up, is he there is he there yes yes yes tainted polluted this is twisted this is madness madness madness dream reels back, shaking, and schlatt leans in and leers, not even knowing what he’s saying, “you can’t even fix it, young god,” and relishes the way all the color drains from dream’s face.

=)

chap 23 dream (edit: this monster ended up being split into three for pacing purposes and also if i left it together it was gonna be. h. 14K WORDS. also the drama of a cliffhanger at what most people thought was going to be the last chapter was too good to pass up don’t @ me

subtitle: do you feel like a young god?

running, running, running again

finale!! dream takes everyone’s old hurts into himself, takes the madness from schlatt and wilbur, promptly passes the hell out because no one should be doing that, wakes up, gets the shit hugged out of him, and explains a little, and gets told that he’s loved over and over. 

i uh! take questions! i like talking about this story, there’s a lot i still want to show, and even apart from that i just really love mcyt haha

#mcyt #young god #chrys writes #you're human tonight #yg meta #long post

[moss-sprouted]

im so scared of my mental health ruining everything

im trying so hard to treat myself at home, i cant hear to make a phone call and my anxieties so bad that i cant zoom since i never have before, and ive never made appointments at all no ones ever taught me how,so i cant just go to therapy and i dont have a doctor and there isnt one within 50 miles that will take my insurance and id have to go an hour away to even Go to the doctor and i rely on my cousin to drive me places and even leaving the house for a few hours i get screamed at for it, or my grandma finds some excuse to make things about her and guilt trip me about leaving the house

yet she's a huge trigger in my meltdowns and episodes, because she'll scream at me and not leave me alone when i need to find a way to calm down, and im not even able to close my door in my own room without questions and my privacy being invaded

maybe those are all excuses, but im really stuck

i keep having horrible episodes and intense bpd symptoms, i dont have easy access to a diagnosis or therapy or medication and im so stuck in being dependent on other people and making my own decisions without help makes me extremely anxious and i put it off, and thats my fault but im

stuck and im trying so hard to treat myself at home and ive only really started trying to really redirect my behavior and it has been helping but home is a major trigger and ive been really depressed and theres been too many changes in my life lately and i just have so much trauma

this is getting really hard to handle and i feel so guilty and awful for having breakdowns and horrible episodes of screaming that i physically cant stop unless i bite my hand, and even if i walk away my family antagonizes me and continues on and on until im able to calm down and actually leave the situation

and then when its not irl its online and i ruin whole relationships and friendships and Servers based on my meltdowns or my shut downs or me pulling away because i have So much rsd its almost dehabiliting sometimes

im trying so hard to fix myself and i lean to hard on other people because my whole life people have made decisions for me and ive become so dependent and the focus has always been on other people that my hearing issues are Still being ignored and im being told theyre fake and my hearing is "selective" when my ears are in Pain sometimes, but i cant make a doctors appointment and i Have asked for my grandmas help and my cousins and they refuse to help me

so im stuck, and im so lost and ive wanted to give up so many times

i cant because i have people who want me around

and i dont even need advice i just need to vent and get out of my head before my brain starts to take over again

i feel so disconnected from myself

if i leave ill lose a rocky stability which ive only ever known and if i stay im losing myself but i have such a hard time doing things or changing until im forced to or its gotten to a breaking point Or theres an opportunitity to do something or change

its so isolating and frustrating to be stuck in this

i just wish i was different, i wish my brain wasnt like this

i wish i wasnt so fucking broken and irreparable

im not even a broken cup that you treasure and want to put back together with gold im a chipped dollar store mug whos handle fell off so you threw it away

at least thats what it feels like

#dont rb #im just venting ill be okay after #i just Feel these things #these arent meant to be like #huge statements #just venting

[thingstotellthem]

hey OP here’s a checkpoint for you!

how are you doing? have you had any water or a snack lately? if not you should get something, you deserve to be properly nourished! get a soft blanket and make yourself comfy, you deserve to rest and treat yourself :-)

is your country still on lockdown? if you go, did you go back to school? were there restrictions when you went back like having to wear a mask? what’s your favorite subject whether it be now or when you were younger since i don’t know how old you are!

what’s your favorite book? movie? do you watch anime? do you like puzzles? do you do any sort of art, and if yes, what’s your favorite medium? (ex: pencil, paint, acrylics, clay, wood, etc.) do you prefer apple juice or orange juice if you drink either of them? have you picked up any new skills over the last few months with the downtime? maybe you baked a loaf of bread! i don’t know! have you done a face mask recently? they’re relaxing :-)

what about your pets if you have them? how many do you have? what kind of animals are they? do you like playing with them if they do that?

final question, how are you really doing? i’m sure your go-to might be that you’re fine, but truly, how are you doing? running this page has got to be taxing on you, are you taking care of yourself as well?

i hope you have a lovely day or night whatever time it is for you when you see this! please take care of yourself, and thank you so much for what you do. this page is a literal lifesaver for myself and i’m sure many others. you’re so wonderful to be doing this. i hope you’re well ❤️

thank you so much for this thoughtful message! if you dont mind, ill answer it under a read more so i dont clog up the dashboard ♥

ive been drinking water steadily all throughout the day! i always carry a bottle of water with me wherever i go so hydration is never an issue. im also about to eat soon and ive been doing nothing but resting today, so no worries on that front!

my country entered lockdown 2.0 in mid-september and were now slowly reopening in two-week increments. i believe this week stores with open air access (so no malls) have opened. im not currently in school, but i know from friends that most classes are being done online with some exceptions. i love any humanities subject, though history and literature are my favorites. i aim to major in history in the future! im 21, turning 22 in december.

my favorite book is, without a doubt, the book thief. its an extraordinary story in every way and the writing is just... chefs kiss! exquisite. i cannot recommend it enough. my favorite movie is inception, though i must admit 1917 is slowly replacing it- it was the last movie i saw in an actual theater before covid and i sat in my seat for five minutes after the credits ended in complete awe. its an incredible movie!! it made me jennie slate scream. i used to watch anime when i was younger, but i havent seen any in at least eight years; i think ive grown out of it, if that makes sense. i do like puzzles! they feel like little exercises for my brain. i write, and i also draw sometimes. ive drawn my first ever vent art last month and it was very cathartic. i prefer orange juice over apple juice, but to honest im not a very big fan of either of them since sweet drinks give me a headache. ive started crocheting a blanket for my soon to be born nephew, which i like- crocheting is very therapeutic and meditative. i havent done a face mask recently, but now i want one.

i have a cat (selek) at my moms and another cat (maeve) and a dog (freddie) at my dads! theyre all doing well, each being a bastard in their own way. freddie likes to play, but shes not very well trained yet so she bites. were working on it!

ive been doing. meh? ive been struggling ever since my grandfather passed away in early may, and other life circumstances have been weighing on me. im doing my best to manage, though rest assured, this blog isnt taxing enough to affect my mental state. i wouldnt be running it if i wasnt able to handle it.

thank you again, the thought youve put into this is very touching. i hope youre doing well and hanging in there yourself. please take care and stay safe ♥

#parent mention #anon #♥♥♥

[thefandomcassandra]

consider.. sklonda gukgak fic (if youre still doing them- theyre all amazing by the way!)

Consider...y'all don't ever have to apologize or ask, just drop me a request. I love them. They're good for my brain soup issues. It's a little chonky rn and my thought-collander is bad.

Also I love all the FH moms.

---

He's going to be fine. She has to believe he's going to be fine. She has to trust that he's safe, that he's clever enough to escape, that he's smart enough to negotiate, that he's more like his father than her.

If she doesn't believe he's fine, she's going to fall apart.

Everyone at the precinct has noticed. The Bad Kids have already headed off to Bastion City—following a lead to where Fig has gone, hoping that Riz will be there as well—and she hasn't been able to rest. It's not even her coffee intake—though she's certain someone has swapped her blonde roast out for a dark decaf and her cold-brew for tepid old shit—but she's on edge and almost every caster in the precinct is debating casting Sleep or Catnap on her. She has, of course, threatened them with paperwork and community outreach, so they stopped, but it's the thought that counts.

She dreams of him tied up and bleeding. She dreams of him with bites taken out of him by something horrible. She dreams of him under Geas or some other spell, screaming at her that she didn't save him. She dreams of him and then he's Pok and he's begging her to help him, that the ocean is dark and deep and crushing.

She dreams of death but she has to believe that Riz is enough like Pok that he'll be okay.

But it's days and there's silence and she knows they're out of reach but she's a mother and she worries.

The claw marks in his office. The broken mirror. The picture of Pok and Kalina, and how no one but her and Sandralynn could see her, why that was concerning, the Nightmare King. Riz missing. She had told him not to spiral and he had and he was gone and he was—!

He would be okay. He was enough like his father to be okay. He was a clever sonovabitch and would be okay.

He had to be okay.

She just had to trust him and wait.

#dimension 20 #dim20 #fantasy high #fantasy high spoilers #sophomore year #sophomore year spoilers #sklonda gukgak #is my mom #and i love her #and she deserves the best #i want her to be told her son is okay #but also #riz is also like her #despite her thoughts on the matter #tw: nightmares #someone needs to snag sending #so they have a line of communication #the sheepy writes fic

[wolfqueen-is-here]

Kisses Remembered, Kisses Forgotten (Jonsa Secret Santa 2018)

Dearest @moonchildslife, I am so sorry for my delay, Christmas was crazier than I expected, and I didn’t finish my gift on time. But it is here now, and I hope you don’t find it too terrible ;). I wish you a wonderful year with Jonsa becoming canon in April and our fandom wishes coming true. Be happy, be healthy, be yourself! <3

Many thanks to @jonsasecretsanta2018 who made all of this happen, you truly are amazing!

  A/N Don’t be alarmed by a brief mention of the Hound. I promise you, it has nothing to do with SanSan in any way except mentioning The Un-Kiss. Book!canon, but mostly show!canon, can be interpreted both as a filler and an AU. 2300 words

  Kisses Remembered, Kisses Forgotten

Every now and then Sansa remembers, even though she has tried so hard to leave the past behind. The Hound was rough and scary, but the kiss that he took left a lingering taste on her lips—it was as soft as snow, almost familiar, she’s caught herself missing the shy affection that came with the kiss, a wary touch so vulnerable it felt almost childish. She remembers the kiss that he took. The only thing she doesn’t remember is him taking it.

Every night feels longer and darker than the former ones. It isn’t until she jumps from Winterfell walls that she remembers how to feel warm again, but the road north is as cold as ice and covered in snow. “His lips felt warm”, she thinks as she runs towards her freedom. “The kiss that he took, it felt warm.”

There are times when she is almost certain that she gave it willingly.

 —

“You look cold,” Jon says after staring at her in silence for a good half an hour. It would annoy her beyond reason, were it anyone else, anyone less trustworthy, anyone less… Jon, but coming from him it’s almost flattering. No one has ever cared for her so since she’d lost Father. Not once until this very moment has she felt safe since then.

“I’m okay,” she smiles. His unblinking eyes refuse to leave hers even for a second as if she’d vanish otherwise. Sansa leans towards him and strokes the inside of his palm with her thumb. It’s the most innocent of caresses, but it makes Jon stiffen and finally lower his head. She misses the stare instantly. “I’m okay, Jon.”

She tastes his name on her tongue. It feels rough—when was the last time she used it? —but sweeter than all the cake she’s ever had. She wants to swallow it, possess it, make it hers. “Jon,” she muses. “Jon. My Jon.”

If it’s something more primal than sisterly affection, she doesn’t recognise it in time. It may occur to her later, but it will be too late.

 —

The first night that she spends at Castle Black is a sleepless one. The shadows are long when she paces aimlessly around the room, too exhausted to fall asleep, too cold to lie still. Knocking at the door alerts her at first—she’s not used to feeling safe yet—she whispers: “Who’s there?” so quietly as if she were hoping nobody would answer.

“It’s me,” Jon says.

She lets him in.

“Do you have everything that you need?” he asks, looking at her with a strange longing.

Had it been more fitting, she’d say: “I have you,” but in their current situation she’d stumble over the words for certain. Instead, she just invites him to stay—just sit next to her and not talk until the sun rises and the shadows go back under her bed. They repeat it every night after that, it seems to comfort both of them.

 —

Jon’s eyes follow Sansa as he tries to find something—anything—that would remind him of a little girl she used to be. Her skirts dance when she rocks her hips, walking around Castle Black like she’d lived here all her life. He wants to avert his gaze but finds it impossible. She’s grown so tall, so slender—so beautiful.

“She’s your sister,” he thinks angrily, hiding his face in his hands. “You are not allowed to look at her like that.”

There were times, many lives ago, when they were only children. Sansa’s hair was more orange than auburn, Jon’s face—smooth, not a trace of beard or scars on it. They both called lord Eddard Stark their father. They both walked around holding Robb’s hand. They both watched Bran fall asleep while they were singing lullabies. Both, yes, but not—together.

When he tries to think about their lives before everything happened, before he went north and she went south, he keeps coming back to that one particular memory. And he’s not allowed to remember it. Not ever.

“She’s your sister,” he thinks, but as her lips move while she’s telling him another story, he watches. The redness of them almost provocative, they look like she’s been biting them for the past few hours. It’s a mesmerising set of colours: her lips with a raspberry tint, screaming to be tasted, licked, devoured; her eyes, deep blue almost exactly like the ones that used to follow him with disdain when he was nothing more than a bastard boy, but there’s no disdain in Sansa’s eyes, only hope. Her fair complexion contrasts with the dark streaks of her auburn hair, almost brown in the dimly lit room. Jon quashes the need to cup Sansa’s cheek and stroke it with his fingers, to check if her soft, unwavering beauty isn’t only a product of his hallucinations. He wouldn’t dare.

 —

Sansa enters the dining room when there’s barely anyone left. A few wildlings share a horn of ale, laughing. There’s also Edd sitting in the furthest, darkest corner, and he looks really down—Edd always looks down, that’s an inherent part of his personality, “The defining part”, Tormund insists, but Sansa doesn’t care, because Edd, albeit rather shy, is kind and caring, and that’s more than she could expect from a stranger. The wildlings terrify her still, she doesn’t know their customs, they’re far too loud and bold for her taste, so she chooses to cross the room and take a sit in front of Edd.

They don’t talk, there’s no need for it. Sansa eats her soup, wondering whether Jon has already eaten, and Edd just keeps staring at the ceiling. Weirdly, his silent presence comforts Sansa more than any words could.

When everybody leaves, Sansa reaches for Edd’s half-empty horn and moves her hand up and down its uneven surface. It’s become apparent these past few days that sleep refuses to come easily for her at Castle Black, and when she finally drifts off after hours of rolling over from side to side, her dreams are filled with memories—but are they real? Are they hers?

She doesn’t think about the Hound that often. He’s been a big part of her life when she was a prisoner in King’s Landing, but her fascination with his tragic story faded and went by long ago. She cannot remember his face anymore, only the scars, she doesn’t even know if she’d be glad to see him again. The memories of him and the torments from the Lannisters became too inseparable in her mind, and that’s why she doesn’t want to think of him or imagine their meeting.

Not now. Not ever.

Then why is her brain so set on bringing back the memory of the kiss? She can feel a sweet breath on her chin every morning when she wakes up from her blurry dreams—why is it sweet? Wasn’t the Hound monumentally drunk that night?—she can taste it, again and again. Her first kiss, that one thing she knows for sure. She’d gotten a few pecks from Joffrey, yes, they should probably count as first, but somehow it doesn’t feel right.

She closes her eyes and clasps her hands around the horn.

“I thought you weren’t fond of our ale,” Jon says, suddenly very close—how did he get so close without Sansa hearing his steps? Did she black out again?

“I heard it helps to forget.”

“It does,” his voice sounds worried, “for a while. It doesn’t make your past go away.”

Sansa raises her head and their eyes lock immediately as if they’re a couple of lovers always on a mission to find each other.

“For a while,” she repeats. “Sounds better than never.”

The ale tastes much worse than she remembered it—it’s bitter and stale, and reeks of old, damp barrels—but her lips don’t leave the edge of the horn until it’s empty. Jon’s eyes move to her throat as she swallows and stay there even after she’s finished.

At first, she doesn’t think anything’s changed—the same emptiness fills her, the same desperation—but minutes pass as they sit opposite one another in silence, and her head finally starts to feel both lighter and heavier, her thoughts stir inside her brain, but never fully form. It’s a bliss. It’s a curse.

She sits in the middle of a meadow, it’s late summer. The winds got chilly but she’s got a blanket around her arms. She’s knitted it herself. She’s content. She’s happy. She’s Queen Naerys Targaryen.

“Are you alright? That’s quite a lot of ale you just inhaled,” Jon murmurs, gently touching her arm. Sansa looks up and smiles at him.

“I’ll be fine,” she answers. “I’ll be fine, Jon. You can go to sleep, you look tired.”

He laughs hoarsely and it makes Sansa’s belly tighten.

“Not until I see you safely tucked under your furs.”

He approaches her with his back straight and a sword at his side. Where did he get that sword, she thinks briefly but continues to look at his beaming face.

“I’ve come to rescue you, my Queen.”

“You can’t, my love,” she says, remembering to dress her face in the deepest, most regal shade of sadness. “We’re bound to our fate forever. You’ve made your vows, as I have made mine.”

He kneels before her. He’s brave, he’s gentle, he’s strong. He’s Prince Aemon the Dragonknight.

Sansa tries to stand up all too quickly, her head spins violently and she has to hold on to the table to avoid falling. She can barely feel her legs and her arms—how strong was that ale?—but the burning hotness of Jon’s hand on her lower back, oh, that she feels.

“Careful,” he says, pulling her closer and throwing her arm around his neck. “You’re still much too weak to start drinking so heavily. Don’t let go, alright? I’m going to walk you to your chambers now.”

And he proceeds to do just that.

When Sansa lies in bed feeling truly sleepy for the first time since she’s reached Castle Black on her dying horse, she suddenly remembers everything.

His face is just inches away. He’s wearing his hair pulled tightly in the back like a true adult, but he’s been playing with swords all day and a few strands have escaped the knot, hanging loosely around his face. She feels the urge to curl one of them around her finger but before she decides to make a move, he leans in and kisses her on the lips.

It surprises her—the lightness of it as much as the act itself. “It’s not wrong as long as I’m Queen Naerys and he’s Prince Aemon,” she tells herself as she involuntarily moves closer and exhales into his warm mouth. His fingers wander up and down her sleeve, curious but never inappropriate. The kiss doesn’t last long, a few heartbeats maybe, but before it’s finished, she can hear him whisper: “Sansa.”

And instantly he’s Jon again, and she’s Sansa. And they’ve done something unforgivable.

 —

Jon’s almost asleep when he hears banging at his door. He jumps out of bed and rushes to open it only to find a breathless Sansa on the other side. Her eyes are wide, and she looks absolutely terrified. If she’s still a bit in her cups, it doesn’t show.

“What happened?” he asks.

She’s shivering. He wants to put his hand on her arm but she jumps away.

“You kissed me,” she hisses, her tone accusatory.

Jon blinks. Not that he hasn’t thought of it, because of course he has. He won’t admit it to anyone but though he tried extremely hard to see his long-lost sister in the beauty that has brought him back to life, he failed miserably. The truth is—she was never a sister to him, not even before they parted ways.

“I assure you,” he answers quietly, “I did not. I didn’t even enter your chambers, I asked lady Brienne to help.”

“Not tonight,” Sansa sighs and Jon realises she’s standing before him barefoot, dressed only in some old sleeping gown, but somehow she’s never looked more queenly with her demanding expression and fiery glare. “When we were children. A few months before we left Winterfell. We played… we played, and you…”

And he kissed her.

He kissed her and he never regretted it once until she came to him, crying, and ordered him to forget it ever happened. He didn’t want to, it was too precious a memory, but he obliged. For Sansa.

“I thought we weren’t speaking of it,” he whispers carefully.

She was really shook when she came to him that day, he never wanted to see Sansa cry, and to be the reason for her despair—it was too much for him to bear.

“We aren’t. I just… I forgot.”

“You forgot?” he asks, feeling hurt. It was his only kiss before Ygritte and he wasn’t even allowed to savour that memory. How could she have forgotten?

“I’m sorry,” she says. “What we did… it was wrong. I didn’t… I couldn’t… I think I repressed it. I made myself believe it happened with someone else.” She lowers her head and he’s afraid to spook her by asking who that person was, but he’s certain it will haunt him forever. Was it Joffrey? Gods, he hopes it wasn’t him. Jon couldn’t bear it. Sansa makes a strangled noise at the back of her throat. “But I remember now.”

He doesn’t know what more to say, but Sansa doesn’t seem to expect any kind of explanation. It happened. It shouldn’t have, but it did. And it changed things between them.

Sansa finally dares to look at him. Her lips are parted, ready as they were in that meadow years ago. He doesn’t take advantage of her vulnerability. When they win back Winterfell, when the war is over—she will come to him of her own volition.

And he will have that second kiss, gods be damned.

#jonsa secret santa #jonsa fanfiction #jonsasecretsanta2018 #jonsa #jon x sansa #got #a gift for moonchildslife #secret santa #gift

[grandmasterofwangxiancultivation]

HOB ch.23-24

FINALLY, i’m back to hob’s universe. i had to stop reading this because university, but now that i’m freaking done with my exams, i can enjoy it as i wanted *^*

aaaaah, i missed xie lian and hua cheng SO MUCH- just look at my beautful san lang taking that strange plant and going to cure his gege’s hand immediately as if that’s the only thing that matters. god, i love him

San Lang didn’t respond, and after applying the powder he let go of Xie Lian’s hand. Xie Lian couldn’t help but think his attitude and this weird atmosphere between the two of them was really off, but didn’t know how to ask about it without sounding weird. This wasn’t something anyone else would notice either and couldn’t possibly understand.

(he just hates you putting yourself in danger for the sake of other people, he waited too much for you, gege! aaaaah they are beautiful, help me-)

EDIT: awkward hualian is making me wanna hug those two, i need them to remain alone and more of san lang protecting his gege 

EDIT 2: THERE IS A FRAKING F A C E IN THE GROUND. WHAT THE HELL. THAT’S CREEPY.

EDIT 3: omg okay, if i already didn’t love san lang, i would fall in love with him right now. he went for a version of that plant that had not been fertilised by humans ‘cause he knew xie lian wouldn’t like it, and that’s so thoughtful and beautiful and i feel blessed. BLESSED.

Ever since Xie Lian had gotten stung by the scorpion snake, San Lang had behaved like this. A couple days ago it was all ge ge this, ge ge that, but now he barely called him ge ge anymore. When they first met, San Lang had avoided his touch and seemed weary of contact with Xie Lian, but that seemed to have gone away after spending so much time together. Now, besides sucking poison and applying herbs, San Lang was once again avoiding touching him, and that made Xie Lian feel weird. He’s not used to this distance.

i am getting so freaking emotional, this is so angsty and bittersweet, i love hearing sl calling him gege, it’s what keeps me alive, so i want them to talk and figure this out pls make it possible please please please-

EDIT 4: 

The mud face replied, “There’s someone amongst you I’ve seen before… fifty to sixty years ago.”

A shiver went down everyone’s back and made their hairs stand.

No mortal in present company should be aged over fifty. That means whoever this person was that was here then was not human.

this is getting creepier by the minute, what the fuck- i love this. I LOVE THIS.

EDIT 5: i think the face is talking about san lang? since, you know, he is a big deal in the demon world and long. HE WON’T HURT ANYONE AS LONG AS THEY DON’T HURT XIE LIAN, CHIIIIILL.

EDIT 6: 

Xie Lian pushed himself off the ground about to walk away before the mud face raised his voice, “Do you really not want to know who it is? He will kill all of you.”

yeah, i think he really is talking about him. though i don’t trust some of the merchants? and a-zhao? mmmmh

EDIT 7: okay, tha face? that face is getting unsettling me so much WHY DO THOSE MERCHANT IDIOTS GET CLOSER??? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!

EDIT 8: what the fUCK DID I JUST READ EWWWWWWWW

Xie Lian grabbed the merchant by his collar and backed up, but the tongue that flew out was freakishly lengthy and barged right into the merchant’s ear!

Xie Lian felt the body in his hold convulse violently, the merchant’s limbs writhed nonstop, and the man let out a short agonizing scream before falling to the ground. That long tongue dug out a large chunk of something bloody from his ear and and brought it back to the mud face’s mouth.

sorry, see you later, i’m gonna throw up-

EDIT 9: 

He was about to attack the repulsive monster when the mud face screamed again, “GENERAL! GENERAL! THEY’RE HERE! THEY’RE HERE!”

A deafening cry more savage than beasts blared in the distance.

YOU ATROCIOUSLY IDIOTIC HUMAN PLANT-----------

EDIT 10:

The massive nine feet man they called ‘general’ seemed to have found the squirming mud face deeply disgusting, and swung his mace towards him, smashing his face into a bloody mess, the teeth of his mace piercing his brains. When he pulled up his mace again, the entire body was pulled out with it, fulfilling his wish of “let me out!”. And the body that was unearth was not a full human body, but a skeleton.

(okay, now i feel... uhm, i feel a bit sad. yeah, sorry annoying-face-in-the-mud, i think i jinxed you?

THAT FACE IS STILL ALIVE WHAT THE HELL. well, “alive” is probably too big of a word, but... *sugh* i am gonna refer to this as the annoying-face-in-the-mud arc from now on.)

The mud face countered immediately, “That wasn’t odd! It was just… a tongue a bit longer than average!”

*hysterical laugh* SERIOUSLY?

EDIT 11:

He said in a small voice, “Don’t worry. If anything happens I will go forward first.”

Xie Lian thought if they must all fall, then he might as well be the first one to check things out. It couldn’t be worse than venomous snakes and beasts, menacing ghosts and demons. He couldn’t die from falling, he couldn’t die from poison, he couldn’t die from bites, and he couldn’t die from getting hit. As long as it wasn’t some pool of corpse dissolving water, his body shouldn’t be damaged too horribly.

NO OKAY? NO. SOMEONE STOPS HIM RIGHT THIS INSTANT I KNOW SAN LANG WON’T ALLOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN OR WILL AT LEAST GO WITH HIM OMG why does xie lian talk about himself like that, i hate this, just because you can’t get hurt doesn’t mean you have to care so little for yourself, babe, i love you so much-

EDIT 12: okay, wow, a-zhao went down and i... did not expect that, since i was suspicious of him too, so now i feel guilty. again. ugh. also, that pit sounds even more scary now that, supposedly, a-zhao’s body has been teared apart.

EDIT 13: THE SOLDIERS ARE INSULTING HIM AND I AM GETTING MAD HOW  D A R E  Y O U- also, bitch? you wanna die, you are freaking asking for it-

EDIT 14: 

There was no helping it. Xie Lian was ready to jump if all else fails anyway. Behind him San Lang stepped forward.

Xie Lian’s heart lurched and turned around.

With his arms crossed, the boy was nonchalantly looking over the dark, bottomless pit with an air of intrigue. This wasn’t a good sign, and Xie Lian called out, “San Lang?”

Hearing his call, San Lang looked over and smiled softly, “Don’t worry.”

(WHATEVER YOU ARE GONNA DO, DON’T DO IT. I’M NOT GONNA READ IT SO IT WON’T HAPPEN. I AM FREAKING SCARED BUT- well. san lang won’t get hurt, right? BUT I DON’T WANT HIM TO SUFFER EITHER. just look at this cutie pie smiling at his gege and telling him not to worry i’m done-)

San Lang took another step forward and was teetering dangerously on the edge. Both Xie Lian’s head and heart started pounding, and he called again, “Wait, San Lang, don’t move!”

At such height at the brink, the boy’s red clothes danced in the night breeze. San Lang glanced at him again with a smile, “Don’t be scared.”

“Come back here. Come back here and I won’t be scared.” Xie Lian said.

(THAT LAST SENTENCE. HEAVEN HELPS ME. 

shit shit shIT I’M CRYING OMG THEIR ARE TOO BEAUTIFUL XIE LIAN IS SO WORRIED SINCE HE IS STILL NOT SURE ABOUT HIS IDENTITY AND HE DOESN’T WANT TO RISK IT AND SAN LANG IS SO SOFT AND PROTECTIVE OF HIM GUYS MY HEART IS BEING TEARED APART I WANNA CRY THIS IS TO PRECIOUS HELP)

EDIT 15: XIE LIAN SCREAMING HIS NAME AND JUMPING AFTER HIM ONLY TO BE HELD BACK I AM DYING SO FAST RIGHT NOW

why did no one tell me this was so painfull-

EDIT 16: okay, why is a dead girl throwing them all down-

EDIT 17: 

He thought he was going to crater and flatten like a pancake like many times before when suddenly, in the darkness, there was a flash of silver.

A pair of hands lightly caught him.

Whoever it was caught him perfectly, as if this person was made just to catch him at the bottom. With a hand across his back to grasp his shoulders, another under his knees to support his weight, the dreadful gravity of the fall was dissolved to nothing. Still dazed and confounded from falling at such a height, Xie Lian unconsciously held on tight to that person’s shoulders and called, “San Lang?”

The pit was filled with darkness, nothing could be seen, including the person. But Xie Lian still called that name. The other didn’t respond so Xie Lian patted and squeezed the chest and shoulders just to make sure. “San Lang, is that you?”

(OKAY I AM ALIVE

I am not sure a posses the words to explain how i feel, but even if i knew san lang was gonna catch him (that he was fine), my heart is pounding so hard and i love how strongly xie lian is reacting to him, unconsciously feeling him up to make sure he is fine. i didn’t know it’d be like this, they are gonna be the end of me.)

It took a moment before he heard the boy’s low voice from very close to him, “I’m ok.”

Xie Lian didn’t know why, but this voice was curiously different than before.

(BECAUSE THAT’S HUA CHENG, BABE, AND IT’S HAPPENING? IS SAN LANG FINALLY SHOWING HIS TRUE FORM???? ARE THEY GONNA MEET NOW?!??!?!?!?!!??!?)

#hob #heaven official's blessing #hob fangirling mode #hob novel #hob ch.23 #tian guan ci fu #hob ch.24

[reesewestonarchive]

chapter nine / rem belongs to @forlornraven / masterpost / mature content

Nakoa wakes to darkness. He finds out easily that he’s in a vehicle; the rumble of tires beneath him, the loud, high-pitched squeal of rubber on asphalt.

The hard, unforgiving feel of metal against his shoulder. He opens his eyes, but it makes no difference. He sees slivers of light, but nothing really. Nakoa blinks, once, twice, and, when he turns over, finds himself grateful for the lack of light, because just the slivers of daylight peeking through are enough to send spikes through his brain.

“You awake?” He jolts at the sound of a voice, relaxes when Rem adds, “Hey, it’s just me.” His words are near slurring, though. Nakoa spins his head to look for him, nervous, worried, but it’s impossible to see in the darkness. “I—” Rem huffs a frustrated breath. “Can’t see a fucking thing—where are you?”

One of Rem’s boots finds Nakoa’s ribs. He mutters an apology, then says, “Hang on—” before he reaches down, his hand skirting along Nakoa’s back until he reaches Nakoa’s hands, clasped behind him. “Hold still.”

The ties release after just a second, and when Nakoa pulls them up, he asks, “How the fuck did you get out of them?” The plastic rubbed his wrists raw, even as short as they were on.

He can hear Rem’s grin in his voice when he speaks, though, and his presence makes the dark, unforgiving trcuk a little less foreboding. “You think I leave the motel without a knife?”

Nakoa would laugh, if he could. Instead, he reaches a hand out, trying to find Rem in the dark. “Where—” he says, before he makes contact with Rem’s knee. Relief settles in his stomach, and he reaches out for Rem’s hand, squeezes it. Feels better already when Rem squeezes back.

“You okay?” Nakoa asks. “That looked.” Bad. Terrible. Nakoa sees it no matter where he looks, Rem lying on the asphalt like that.

“Mm.” But his voice sounds far away. “Nakoa.”

“Yeah.”

“What the fuck?”

Nakoa should have known, knows he should have. That he should have said something to Rem, but… “My father’s—” The word tastes bitter on his tongue. “…in imports.”

“Drugs,” Rem says, immediately. “Fucking hell, Nakoa.”

It’s how Nakoa got started. It’s why he kept going with them. Michael’s into more than just weed, though, and therein lies the problem. That Nakoa knows. Michael had beat him, when Nakoa found out, and has since used his strength to his advantage. Try as he might, Nakoa can only throw a punch if he’s catching someone off guard, if they can fight worse than he can.

Michael doesn’t fit the bill, and he’s always carrying.

“I didn’t have a choice!” Nakoa says. “And I thought. Maybe, if I wasn’t there… why would he waste a bunch of bullshit on me? Men, resources.” Why would he follow Nakoa across the country? Nakoa, of all people?

“You stole from him,” Rem says. His voice comes out flat. “Nakoa.”

“You don’t get to play like you wouldn’t have done the same fucking thing,” he says, tone sharp. He pulls back from Rem, smells blood on his hands as he wipes them down his face. “How often have you stolen whiskey?”

“It’s legal! You wanna compare that to coke?”

Exhausted, suddenly, Nakoa says, “I really need you to not fucking judge me. I stopped, okay? He didn’t notice, and even if he had, what was he gonna do?” Michael hates Nakoa; always has. A disappointment, and that isn’t even considering Rem. That’s not considering the fact that Michael knows, and always has, that Nakoa beds men as often as he does women. It’s been like this since Nakoa was born, his father distant for work, and Nakoa eager for his approval and stumbling on his work at thirteen.

“He couldn’t do anything about it then,” Nakoa says. “But now what’s stopping him? His kid went missing. No one’s gonna care if I end up in a ditch.”

“Don’t fucking joke about that.”

Nakoa shuts his mouth, though. Taps his fingers on the metal on the floor. He says, “I should have told you.” He wants to apologize; can’t.

Wishes that he could just… touch Rem. No expectation. Find comfort in his touch.

He holds his hands to himself, and neither of them speak.

Eventually, the van slows to a stop, and doesn’t start again. Rem gets to his feet, says, “I got this.” Nakoa hears the knife unlatching in his hand. “Stay back.”

“Don’t being a knife to a gun fight, you—” Nakoa sighs. “Just—get behind me.”

“I’m not going to let you—”

“He’s my father,” Nakoa says, his voice cracking. “Let me deal with him.” He thinks about clocking Rem on the head again, but if he got knocked out that bad, he might already have a concussion.

Nakoa doesn’t say, “I want you safe.” He doesn’t say that it means more to him that Rem is okay, that Rem can go home. Maybe Rem thinks he’s worthless, but he’s Nakoa’s entire world.

The door slides up, and Nakoa blinks against the blinding light. Rem stands behind him, body heat warming Nakoa’s back. Michael’s behind his men, chatting on the phone, but Nakoa doesn’t move, not until Michael says, his voice almost bored, like he’s not still devising a plan. “Come join me for dinner.”

Nakoa blinks. “Pretty fucking dramatic entrance for dinner.”

Michael rolls his eyes. “You could show a little respect.”

Already disappointing his father, and they’ve been reunited for a matter of minutes. Nakoa holds his gaze and says, “You wanna kill me, go ahead.”

Behind him, he hears Rem make a small, distressed noise. “Nakoa—”

But Nakoa’s tired of living in this hole, in his father’s shadow, too afraid to move beyond Michael and his wants. Too afraid Michael might follow through on his threats.

“Just come. We’ll discuss what I plan to do with you at dinner.” Michael sighs, rubbing his forehead. “I keep forgetting about the carry on.” Nakoa catches his attention shifting to Rem, wishes it wouldn’t. “Hm. Looks like he’s the reason they’re free. Someone remind me we need handcuffs.”

When Nakoa doesn’t go forward, Michael sighs, says, “Someone grab him, please. Leave the other.” He sighs. “And tie him up this time?”

One of the men hauls Nakoa from the truck, by the hair, the shoulder. Nakoa swears, grips at the guy’s wrist and tries to walk with him, can’t. Holds tight and tries to lessen the pressure on his hair, anyway.

He watches as Rem crawls from the truck, eyes wide with fear, brandishing his knife. In comparison to giant men with handguns, he looks like a small, terrified child. Nakoa knows better than to call out his name, so he doesn’t.

His chest aches, and a half-strangled, “Rem—” escapes from his throat, just as the man dragging him pulls him into a building. Before the door shuts, Nakoa catches sight of Rem lashing out, the sound of a gunshot, then… Nothing.

Nakoa finds himself dropped at Michael’s feet, scalp burning, Michael staring down at him with something akin to disinterest. “I wish things could have gone differently for you, Nakoa.”

This is nothing like the Michael Nakoa remembers. This man is… different. Distressingly calm, quiet.

Nakoa prefers him screaming. Calm breeds terror in Nakoa’s chest, and he doesn’t care for the way it burrows in and refuses to leave.

“Up.” It’s not a request. “Dinner.”

Tossing a scowl back at the man who’d dragged him, Nakoa rubs his wrists, follows Michael through the warehouse.. He needs to stay around until he can get back to Rem, anyway. After that… who cares? Michael can do whatever he wants with Nakoa, as long as Rem gets out of this safely.

Michael leads him into another room to a table sitting alone, like one in the movies, covered with a tablecloth, a single lightbulb illuminating the table and nothing more.

With a swallow, Nakoa takes his seat, still rubbing his wrists. Michael sits in the other chair, and, neat as can fucking be, he undoes his napkin and lays it across his lap.

“Nakoa,” Michael says, and now he sounds more like himself, like the Michael Nakoa remembers. “You are a pain in my ass, you know that?”

“So the pleasant, calm druglord, that’s just for your employees. But your son, all bets are off.”

Michael’s gaze is sharp, piercing, and Nakoa wishes he’d kept his mouth shut. “Ungrateful. You know,” he says, already lifting the lid from his dinner, “you really don’t understand the sacrifices I’ve made for you. The resources I’ve wasted finding you.”

As if Nakoa asked for it. As if he gives a shit about whether Michael goes broke. As if he cares, for half a second, what Michael loses. He sits back, crosses his arms. Waits.

“I can see you’re going to be difficult, so let me lay this out for you.” He pops a bite of dinner—steak, because of course it is—into his mouth, and chews. Slow. Nakoa knows the tactic well, terrify them with their own imagination. “You’ll come home with me.”

“Over my—”

“—and we can leave your friend here to fend for himself.”

“Next.”

Eyebrow raised, Michael cuts back into his steak. “I could just as easily kill your friend, you know. He hardly seems like a man someone will miss.” At Nakoa’s expression, Michael laughs. “Don’t tell me you think—” He shakes his head. “You’re a fool, Nakoa.”

Better a fool than a prick, Nakoa thinks, but he doesn’t say so. Michael married a gentle woman, one he can scare into submission, and he thinks Nakoa’s life choices are worth judging. “Next option,” he says, through gritted teeth, staring hard at the table, at the knife marks in the wood. Imagines what it might be like to see those on his skin, instead. If he’d even life through it.

“I could kill the both of you. You’ve already been missing for how long? None of the authorities would think twice about a couple of stupid, runaway queer boys ending up dead. Two of them…” He clicks his tongue. “Well. Is that even a tragedy worth the news cycle?”

And Michael wonders why he ran away. Nakoa lifts his gaze, reluctant, up towards Michael’s face, hates the giddy expression on his father’s face. He’s a bastard, and Nakoa knows he’s always enjoyed his work a little too much, but he’d hoped maybe, underneath it all, there was something that made him human. Now he’s not so sure.

“Easiest way to tie up loose ends, don’t you agree?”

Nakoa wants to tell him to fuck off, but Michael won't hesitate to cut him with the knife on his plate. Never has before. Never hesitates, once he makes his mind up. “Why the holdup?” Nakoa asks, but his voice shakes. “Sounds like you got it all figured out. Why not just kill me now?”

He’s losing his patience, Michael. The joy drains from his expression and he returns to his dinner, almost bored. “Unfortunately, I still think there might be some use in you. I could use you to make an example. I think using you as a living example carries more weight, don’t you?”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

Pointing a fork to Nakoa’s plate, Michael says, “Eat. It’s the last time you’ll get the opportunity in a while.”

“What about Rem?” Nakoa does his best to hold his voice steady, to keep Michael from making any more shitty comments, but it still comes out wrong.

“I think I’ll be doing the world a favor, taking him out.” He reaches for his drink, then sighs. “Nakoa, please. If you don’t eat, I’ll be forced to take other measures.” Like what, Nakoa wonders, but doesn’t ask. Sighing, Michael sets his fork down and says, “Nakoa. It’s in your best interest to work with me.”

“Too fucking bad.”

“I can make your life a living hell, you know.”

“You already did. What can you do to make it worse?”

Michael raises an eyebrow, says, “You think you’re in love with the man outside. Not sure where you got that, but fine, I’ll play along. You’re right in considering yourself worthless, so I understand I can’t use you against yourself.” With a cock of his head, Michael leans back in his seat. “I might be able to use him yet. Suppose I better put in the call to keep him in one piece after all.” He pulls a walkie talkie out of his shirt pocket and switches it on. “Hold my previous order,” Michael says, glaring at Michael. “Plans have changed. We’re going to have a little fun.”

#my writing #road to nowhere au