#BUT YOU CAN IN FACT BUILD A NEW ONE

[practically-an-x-man]

ok well that one's going straight on the favorites list for sure. absolute masterpiece. one of the most genuinely unsettling horror movies I've ever seen, and I've seen a LOT. It's all the slow descent into madness that the Shining movie wanted to be, the acting never missed a fucking beat (this is the guy's FIRST LEAD ROLE and goddamn did he command every second he was on screen), played super well on the 70s talk show on-air/off-air setting, then throw in some Cronenberg-style practical effects and I could not look away

#late night with the devil #this is one of those where you just know everyone working on the film has just this incredible appreciation for what they do #i mean everything down to the little bit of camera fuzz and the fact that he refers to the lights as par cans. every detail #and i mean it's already super clear that david dastmalchian is a big horror guy but he SHINES in this. really in his element #i mean it's the natural talk show host charisma. the slowly building grief and anxiety as it goes on. and then when it all falls apart #just. goddamn. definitely a new fave. my other favorite horror films are ex machina and the fly for reference #and this is all the unsettling atmosphere of ex machina plus all the grotesque visceral effects of the fly

[shararan]

pc struggles be damned, i had to pick up the binghe sketch i abandoned last month

#scum villains self saving system #svsss #luo binghe #fanart #mxtx #my art #my screen kept freezing and blacking out throughout the entire process #working on figuring out how to build a new one #once thats done nothing can stop me #fun fact i scrapped a matching sqq to go with this lbh for that very reason #one day though... #did you know? the B in Binghe stands for Baby. im a scientist so i would know

[everyitachi]

#naruto #uchiha itachi #chapter 220 #the magical uchiha police sign convo.... #among many haunting things in naruto I am haunted by the fact that the uchiha symbol is STILL on the police station building even in boruto #like. imagine going to work as a policeman for konoha post massacre (what was THAT recruiting process like) #with the uchiha symbol on your work building when konoha massacred them because they planned a coup after being ostracized BY being like. #assigned cop at birth or whatever. except you don’t even know it because it was covered up by konoha. #and explains the uchiha police backstory on the way #sarada: #hey dad why is our clan symbol on the police station #sasuke finally understanding why itachi looked so constipated: well. #cause it really already was smth to see that flshback in different light everytime you'd learn some new bullshit so. #it's time for one more time #even though said flashback is already ingrained in my brain I can HEAR sasuke twisting his ankle

[trans-axolotl2]

In my last residential treatment stay, I did have one psychiatrist who I trusted and had a positive relationship with. Her name was Dr. R, and when I came in on the first day of treatment and told her that I would not take any psych meds and that I had a lot of past psych trauma, she validated me and told me that she would not bring up meds unless I did. Throughout my stay there, she was empathetic, listened to my concerns, helped advocate for me, and generally made me feel heard. At the same time, when management took away our doors-she did nothing. When I needed to get a feeding tube--she lied to me about how long it would be in, and what I needed to do to get it out. She enforced policies about restricting outside breaks, restrictions on items, and contributed to treatment plans that my friends felt were unfair and damaging.

She was a good person and I liked her, but she was choosing to work within a system where she could not control the dozens of things happening there that harmed us every single day. This is what I mean when I say there is no such thing as a good psychiatrist in inpatient units--she was a progressive, validating, nice person --but her very job description made it impossible for a “good provider” to exist. To be a provider who wasn’t a part of the harm that was occurring on that unit, she would have had to quit, because the very requirements of her job required committing ethical violations, restricting peoples autonomy, and perpetrating iatrogenic harm. If she had stopped enforcing harmful policies and challenged her coworkers publically, she probably would have gotten fired. And that really is the problem--causing iatrogenic harm has essentially become a job requirement on inpatient units, and being a “good provider” by the metrics of the system require you to participate in that harm. 

I think Dr. R did a better job than most inpatient psychs in mitigating the harms she participated in, and finding ways to resist shitty systems when possible. I was glad she was there and I think she made my treatment better, but the two of us had a lot of conversations together where she acknowledged the fucked up things happening in the treatment center, acknowledged her role in them, and also stated that she did not have any power to change them. She could not fix the system by working within the system. 

I get a lot of questions by people who are interested in careers in the mental health system, and asking me on whether I think it’s okay for them to work there. My first response is usually if you’re asking because you’re feeling guilty after seeing what psych survivors say, I’m not someone who’s going to give you permission to ignore that guilt. The second thing I usually say is this: you need to go into this job aware with the fact that you will cause people harm, you will get into ethical dilemmas, and there will be times where you will either have to betray your personal values or quit. There isn’t one right answer on how to engage with mental healthcare as a provider, with the reality that until we build up alternative systems of care, the current structures still exist and have people who need support inside of them.  If that’s something that you think you can navigate in a way that lets you create the least harm possible, then that’s something you need to decide for yourself, and to think really deeply about if the reality of the psych system matches up with your goals.

#antipsychiatry #antipsych #mad studies #disability justice #psych ward tw #i think u also need to understand that if u go to school to work professionally in mental health #if u become a psychiatrist or a therapist or a social worker #even if you're one who does it outpatientt. even if you're an abolitionist social worker #that means there are probably going to be barriers to community spaces. that some people might not trust you any longer. if you are #coming into spaces as a professional #part of that decision might be grappling with the fact that even as you gain legitmacy from a societal side. that as u gain #new opportunities for jobs. to work within systems #you might also lose community trust. opportunities within activism spaces. opportunities #to share and be in those spaces as a survivor and patient #and im not saying this as a judgemnt or to put moral value on it #but i think that's just something you Also need to understand and weigh. sure you will gain something. by getting liscenced #but what will you lose? why might people not trust you in community spaces any longer? #what trade offs will you be making and are they worth it to you? what new communities can you build #what matters to you and what are your passions #<- all things i am really grappling with right now as i decide whether or not i want to go get my masters in social work

[whiskeyswifty]

.

#this is such a niche gripe i guess idk its why it's in the tags #but i really get so annoyed by how a lot of this fandom acts like they know everything about her especially like where she goes #and what she does in her free time because they think they KNOW about everything but #all you know is what she chooses to show you like specifically paps like...... she calls them. all celebs do. 99.999999% of the time #these days it's how that industry works which i KNOW for a fact but like don't take my word for it if you don't believe me fine #but it's how it is and i can tell you that from professional experience but also like #the amount of friends and people i know who've seen her places all over the city for YEARS now #and there are no pap photos of her in those places nor did anyone know she went to that building/restaurant/bar/event #there are a feeeeeew places in the city which are celeb hotspots and the paps might skulk around there but that's cuz #they are known spots for that and waiters and staff tip them off for profit shares #like i know someone who saw her literally last night at a restaurant #there are no photos of her there and no paps outside #like if you think she doesn't leave the house or go somewhere without you knowing cuz you think she's papped everywhere... #thats just simply not true lol couldn't be FURTHER from true #she goes so many places and does so many things that you just don't know about. it's VERY easy to live a private life in the city #EVEN THIS WEEK she's gone more places than you've seen her getting papped at cuz i know people who've seen her! #i can't tell you the amount of famous people i've come across in these situations and the press and social media were none the wiser #people i've sat next to at a crowded brunch counter or people walking their dog or taking their kid for a bike ride like.... ALL THE TIME #famous people love new york cuz new yorkers don't bother them and they can live in relative obscurity #idk what i'm getting at i guess this weirdness like I AM GONNA SHUT DOWN ANYTHING THAT I DONT HAVE PROOF OF #is so deranged to me because...... you only have ~proof~ of like 10% of her life #so the other 90% of it didn't happen cuz.... you a blogger on the internet don't have photographic evidence of it???? #IS THAT NOT THE MOST INSANE THING TO SAY???? #idk really weird that people just think they know her and shut down any one who poses something that doesn't fit into their #frankensteined version of her that they made out of a bunch of paparazzi photos and flight trackers and deuxmoi posts taped together #as if THATS somehow MORE sane and a more realized person #idk if i'm making sense i'm annoyed whatever whatEVERRRRR

[leona-florianova]

Some wild drama happening at my old art high school... New headmaster kicked out three teachers because they liked satirical post on instagram, which made very deserved fun of her. 

She brought it up to police because she thinks liking such posts is participating and enabling bullying and that it paints the school in bad light..  

Meanwhile she is bullying the whole student body along with the teachers/professors..makes Insane rules and  does weird monologues, straight up Umbridge behaviour.. The fact that she hates art and artists and before becoming the headmaster she taught czech... like I remember how she used to berate n ridicule anyone who made even the smallest mistakes...how she made homophobic coments (at liberal left leaning school where at least half of the students are some type of queer)... AND just few hours ago I learned that she got the position she shouldnt have gotten in the first place, because her relative works at the office of our local county representative....while also her, the relative and the county representative are all  KDU-ČSL...Christian and Democratic Union – Czechoslovak People's Party..a centrist conservative party that manages to swing from left to right and right to left depending on need, but always keeps its traditional values - sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia etc. etc... which is just f*cking abysmal.. 

I am no longer a student at the school.. havent been for years.. but damn as an alumni I feel so fragging bad for everyone who has to deal with her and her regime now... 

#i have seen a news report on this whole issue and the moment i have seen her and hear her talk i got goosebumps and felt immediately horribl #apparenly one of the first rules that got everyone so angry was #that she made a rule where nobody can leave the school during free hours #which is nuts because sometimes there are like three hours between classes #and in total that makes about #10 hours of being locked in that old building #oh you want to go buy food from nearby tesco? tough luck #if that happened during my time id go even more nuts and would do worse than draw some silly satirical art #like how bad can you do if most of the students and teachers just fear you #and then she frags up by not being able to handle some satire?? #insane #at ART SCHOOL #people are fortunately starting to ask like.. why.. was the satire made in first place #also like :DD the instagram posts werent even violent or anything... just calling out her bullshit #or on another instagram somebody photoshopped her head on umbridge monologues #insane insane #i dont have enough facts buts its piling up #and now there is a petition to help the teachers who liked the posts #and maybe to stop her from being a headmaster #ssud #šuřka #čumblr

[crowdsourcedloner]

What is your character's relationship like with their body? Are they confident in who they are, or do they experience any kind of dysphoria (not just limited to gender but, if they do, feel free to explain why that is)? Do you think this relationship has the capacity to improve or worsen over time?

(this is long lol. be warned.)

Yomi has the happiest relationship with her body, relatively speaking. She is proud of being au ra, she loves the shape of her horns, and she'll trace her own scales for comfort. The only discomfort she experiences is more related to loneliness - she doesn't have auri friends in Ul'dah so she has difficulty finding scale care supplies or receives strange looks for trying to affectionately horn bonk her adoptive family. To their credit, her adoptive sibling Zezene wears a pair of catoblepas horns to help her feel less alone, which has worked surprisingly well. She's decently confident in her appearance, though it's tempered by a healthy dose of modesty. The only way for her to feel even more comfortable with herself would be to get a few auri friends, but barring that its more likely she'll stay at the same level of self confidence.

-

Zezene is generally happy with their body. They were born female, but they don't have a strong attachment to any gender identity and greatly prefer being androgynous in presentation. They've considered what life would be like in a man's body, but came to the conclusion that nothing would change for them regarding their self image if they were physically male. Luckily them being a lalafell means there's not much of a physical difference either way. They radiate an easy confidence about themself that's more sincere than any word they say, and there's not much room for that view to improve. The rare dysphoria they do feel comes more from others assuming they are female by their name and addressing them as such, but this is increasingly rare as their reputation outpaces their activities.

-

Verre views her body as a tool, albeit one that's very well worn. She's comfortable in her skin to the point of not paying attention to it most of the time - she only let Yomi mess with her hair at first because she noticed it after the fact. There is room for her self confidence to go either way, but as her story is now she becomes more confident in her abilities rather than her appearance. In her eyes, why should she care for the appearance of a wrench if it does it's job?

-

Nailah has had a rocky relationship with herself overall, and her body is no exception to this. She dislikes having her appearance commented on in any way and, fearing insincerity or mockery, quickly dismisses compliments. Mirrors have a habit of showing her the tired and scared woman she is rather than the hardened mercenary she wants others to see, and she's avoided them almost religiously for years. She sees her arms as too thin, her chest as too small, her tail as too long, her height as too short - every part of her isn't good enough in her eyes.

One of the biggest conflicts regarding how she sees her body is how she scars - or rather, how she doesn't. Her body has an incredible amount of aether which, combined with her own skill at magick, means the overwhelming majority of her injuries are healed with no visible scars. She can feel them littering her body under her fur, and if someone were to touch her they would likely feel them as well, but an outsider wouldn't see what she knows is there. She has long since lost track of where each scar is from, but each passing remark of her coming out "unscathed" from one job or another rubs in a sense of wrongness that she can't shake.

It isn't until she's well established as the Warrior of Light and started opening up to the people around her that she's started reevaluating how she sees her body - going from absolute self loathing and disgust to something approaching neutrality. She's still very uncomfortable around compliments and reflective surfaces, and formal dress events or balls inspire dread and fear like no other, but she's slowly improving.

#answered asks #thank you for the ask! your questions are always a delight! #fun fact #i've debated having verre lose an eye or arm #and have her build a new one for herself #itd serve a dual purpose of reinforcing both the dangers of her work and the help it can provide #and it gives her a good lead into spreading her work to the rest of the world #biggest thing stopping me is i dont mod so itd all be off model stuff #and that bothers me more than anything #but if a vanilla robot arm is added to the game yall cant stop me :) #also nailah's conflict between internal and external perceptions my beloved #oc: hrothwol #oc: verre hyskaris #oc: zezene zene #oc: yomi kaifu

[strixhaven]

other people’s fantasy settings and maps being kind of nonsense and completely divorced from how things like climate, mineral deposits, and trade routes would work in a grounded, semi-realistic context doesn’t bother me all that much. not my own stuff though i need to build a world from plate tectonics up or it Will drive me absolutely bonkers

#one of the reasons i got a new laptop was very specifically so i could model plate tectonics for my homebrew world and fix it accordingly #you don’t understand i Need to know how continental drift will work a realistic shape of the continents and island chains ocean currents #winds ore deposits rivers and mountains how All Of It works naturally and Then i fuck it up magically and get hand-wavy #and get to building off of that. hence why no one has seen my homebrew stuff in so long. aside from the fact that i never share my shit #anyways even when its just OC stuff. i simply have to iron out the world a bit more before i can show it to anyone #and by a bit more i mean a lot and it’ll have to be pried from my claws against my will and better judgement #at least im not one of those guys designing an entire solar system and it’s largely similar to earth in shape size position n composition #i could be worse about this i could be so much worse you have no idea #is this necessary? no. will anyone else care? no. will most people even see more than 10% of it? no. but i care i will know. i will know.

[medicinemane]

"DIY tiny home you can build in weeks", ok... now lets see the cost

...seven and a half minutes later, the answer is $75k... so when you include land and all the rest of it, so basically nothing right?

This is my problem with tiny homes stuff, it's for rich people

#and as much as I'm pro home ownership since like... my house is pretty much what's made my life feasible #like I know two things for a fact; we don't have room to give every last person a house #(especially if they're basically one bedroom sized things dotting the land) #and not everyone even wants to own a home #but like... lets say that everyone did want to own a place... we can't even do single family stuff let alone infinite tiny homes #so you'd need to have at least some homes in the form of basically owned units in an apartment complex which... sounds like condos #and so... I legit don't even come close to having the answer for this #but the sad thing is... a commie block kind of beats a tiny home if we're honest I think #not even in some like... brutalist dystopian shoving people together kind of way #like I think I'd rather live in a well maintained commie block style apartment than in one of infinite tiny homes doting the land #I really really really like tiny homes as a concept... but every time you look at them you realize... it's all for rich people #and half of them are just gentrified trailers or closet sized apartments getting dressed up by an architect to up the price #like I'm not even trying to shit on this company cause like I'm for assembly line style home production #especially compared to the cheap shit we throw up now; it makes me with I could puke in anger and disgust at it #they showed clips to contrast with of a home being tossed up and the shit materials they use disgust me #seeing massive... whatever you call those new home blights... communities I guess; springing up they always look like they're made of trash #so yeah... I like this building style better than shitty single family homes 'from the low 300s' #but I think that these people are either doing a sales pitch; missing the big picture; or both when they talk about this #like this can't fix the housing crisis cause... one no one can afford shit even if it's... lets say $175k; that's a lot to ask most people #but two is it won't work long term to just dot a million little houses across the land #cause quite apart from finding all that land; think of all the electric grid and water infrastructure you have to lay #(or are these people expected to be able to afford solar and all that? cause... they ain't poor if they're doing that) #(and I'd kind of like poor people to not be screwed by the housing problems we have; the rich can get bent honestly) #I like living on my own in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere; I wouldn't want someone right next to me #so I'm literally the kind of person people bitching about rural folks is bitching about; so know that's not what I'm saying #but let's be honest... we need better and cheaper urban infrastructure and we need less suburbs and housing communities #and that's where the solution is gonna lie; not in reinventing the single family home (or smaller) #eh... I really really really like tiny homes and think they're neat... but I can't help but see they're rich people play things #...and that's my thoughts on this #it's kind of like how solar is nice and all... but just a few good nuclear plants would be a better solution than solar on every roof

[elsolaer]

i have many thoughts in general but this tidbit from tingyun's voice lines is one of the things i wanna elaborate some more on at some point...

" Every time I head out, I leave a letter behind and lock it in the drawers of my shop. If I come back, then I'll burn it later. If I don't... then it'll be something for others to remember me by."

#OOC. #this post is more of a reminder to myself before i go try to write some stuff for nat and/or stelle #but idk i like her concept of being pacifistic despite the inherent dangers of her position as... basically a galactic ambassador? #it says that most reps take weapons with them but she refuses to because she believes that you should build relationships from a foundation #of peace instead of threat of violence #which has worked in her favor but idk its kinda sombering knowing that she basically leaves her last words in a letter every time sh #e leaves for another planet to do her job because she knows shes leaving herself vulnerable if somebody wanted to do something to hurt her #and she burns it every time she comes back only to rewrite it again months later when she goes on her next trip #xi.anzhou's lore is ROUGH dont get me wrong but theres a lot of fun concepts in there that im smashing together LMAO #also her traveling the way she does opens up so much room to meet literally anybody #its just jarilo-vi right now but as more worlds open up it just gives her more room to work with #also the fact that it opens up a lot of possiblities for world building for her to come to these planets because she's there ON business an #trade & commerce is one of the BIGGEST things a society needs. one decision could steer the entire direction of their society in a complete #y different direction #like even just introducing more leisurely/hobby focused products can be a huge turning point for a war stricken world #or better materials for their tech and their buildings #new crops in exchange for what they have #literally the exchange we see in her lore is her discussing taking just a few samples of a world's plants and growing it on xianzhou for #commercial sale AND that world would recieve shipments of said crops along with wahtever other deals they struck #and blablabla yes i know capitalism whatever. tis the way of the world and i think its really interesting frmo a worldbuilding standpoint #tingyuns a very interesting character because she can change a lot of things in very little time in the big picture #i feel like she's commonly brushed off as a shallow character who doesnt do much but she's one of the most accomplished characters in xian #zhou EASILY #yes you could argue that jing yuan is more because of his general shit or yukong is the helm master blablabla like Yes they are also very #accomplished but she is the literal only reason that the grand fairs are FAMOUS throughout the galaxy. they werent until she took leadershi #she's completed trade missions to SIXTEEN different panets and is implied to have formed alliances with at least a few of them #and was the one to renew xianzhou's mutual alliance with the IPC #i dunno #also i think people see her as way more of a trickster than she is #like ... i thought she was too but she really isn't particularly mischevious? girls tried to leave MULTIPLE times during the story bc she

[songofwizardry]

idk you guys sometimes I feel sad about the fact that by my age, my mother was married and lived in a large home with several in-laws and saw her parents and sister every Friday and prayed at the same mosque she was raised in and was always surrounded by family, and I have sorta forfeited a lot of those things.

but then sometimes, I look around and realise that I have found and built something (spaces, communities, relationships) that is just as beautiful, maybe even better, something that has been slowly and intentionally tended to and watered and encouraged to grow, and that communities and purposes don’t just spring out of the ground fully formed, they need to be made and nurtured, and I/we are doing that all the time. and the thing I’ve got going on here is really pretty beautiful, you know?

#this was originally sitting in my drafts bc that's where most of my semi-journalling brain entries languish #but then i was thinking about it #and like as much as I try not to do too much journalling on tumblr #idk I thought this needed to be posted #bc I forget it often! #bc sometimes yknow the fact that the beautiful and valuable thing you have built is Different from the expected can make one sad #or forget just how beautiful and valuable the thing you have is #so like. it is a reminder #to me mostly #and also a reminder #that all these things are constant works in progress #we build them every day #maybe I will delete this later but we will see #anyway i am emotional about People but in a good way #but also what's new #text post #my post #who needs a journal when you have tumblr

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

Brain is braining too much me thinks

#thoughts #oni talks #oni vents #I feel like I’m being torn between 2 futures and I know one isn’t really realistic and is a thing of the past but it’s also like #not only does it feel like giving up but it also feels like I’d have to face the fact that I can’t go back and unexperience some things #that changed me as a person and I know me wanting to go down that path is me trying to go back to when I first started feeling hope for #life again (if I ever had that tbh) & it’s meant so much to me for so long and like I know that I 100% would not be able to have achieved #any of what I’ve achieved now if I hadn’t started that first path. the fact that the second one is even an option is because of the first. #I also wonder how much is on me & it compounds in the severe regret I’ve been having about some recent stuff in my life along with recurrent #realizations and nightmares of the past haunting me & just. it’s so painful I know maybe I’m being dramatic and there’s a possibility that #in the future if it will work out and I can have my cake and eat it too but I genuinely don’t know how realistic that is to achieve #I want to be able to recapture the feelings I had before but there are certain experiences that so thouroughly crushed the person I had #finally begun to build up that I don’t know if that’s truly possible & if I just have to accept that I need to change to face who I am now #I’ve been really stuck recently when it comes to getting better and I know why but I’ve also blocked out so much of it that it’s just like #hard to even work through things you just want to forget and act like they never happened because that’s easier & logically I know it doesnt #work that way but it still feels painful. I feel the weight of my mistakes on my shoulders again. & it’s been resulting in what I know is #a lot of self sabotage & I feel like I should be better than this but I’m not I feel like I’ve regressed & like it wasn’t that long ago that #I literally felt like I was a kid again it was so surreal and strange & gross & I just hate so much of what’s happened in my life but I also #know there’s a lot of good that’s come from it & so it’s hard to process all these awful things when I know if they weren’t there the stuff #that I do love wouldn’t be either. it’s really hard to hope for a future I’ve never experienced. I’ve been meeting so many new people & its #reminded me of how anxious I actually am as a person bc normally I don’t have to face that bc I am by myself or in specific scenarios I’ve #cultivated to be tolerable & i feel like I keep learning things about myself or my experiences that I just don’t want to learn or to exist #& it’s frustrating bc there’s also so much pressure not just from myself but other ppl that I want to be able to pull through & do things #I know are probably not the most realistic but then a part of me is angry at myself at being a coward & wondering if I’m just awful & broken #I’ve been trying to fight back in what ways I can and the results have (usually) been really good but they come with their own prices #I hate how easy it’s become to simultaneously prefer escapism while not feeling like things are bad enough or that there is no escapism #I hate that I keep having moments where I get things and then I just fall again & Ik I’ll get there eventually but I’ve lost so much hope #that I don’t know if it’s even possible to ever get back. the last year or so is just so many ups and downs and new things and idk #I feel so torn because this is a future I foresaw and even wanted at some point and now it feels so heavy & costly & I just feel #like I’m evil & irredeemable or smth & every time I get told the opposite a part of me immediately can’t accept it especially

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Day 229, and we've started on full-body shading! Which I will probably scrap tomorrow and redo from scratch with more deliberation, I just wanted to get something visible done tonight since the majority of my art time was spent with ProCreate's equivalent of the lasso select tool XD

Or maybe I will keep it, who knows, not me! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#the great artscapade of 2022 #bobbi's being weird again #art #my art #friend oc #dozen years late christmas present #my roommate got new D&D toys #and now we're both lamenting the fact that the only people he has to play with think D&D is social justice activism and not #a fantasy war-game with RPG elements #like I can't properly articulate it largely because I'm not part of the game #nor do I want to be because I don't trust the DM to handle sensitive topics with nuance #but it's... there's a huge difference between social commentary and a power fantasy wank-fest #when my roommate told me the campaign was going to be ''political'' I was like ''oh cool so like espionage and shit?'' #and like IMMEDIATELY picturing all sorts of scenarios I'd love to run ppl through in a politcal campaign #like rooting out corruption in the king's court or discovering the king was deposed by a changeling and no one knew #instead my roommate gets the DM's power fantasy about stopping the Jan 6th insurrection but with goblins #and tonight my roommate mentioned that part of the world building was that all magic users had to be registered with the gubbment #because they're dangerous and need to be controlled you see #and it was basically a very heavy-handed allegory for gun control only without any ounce of nuance or self-awareness or honesty #and like??? that could be cool! I can also think of a dozen scenarios I'd love to play out with that! #do I trust the DM to handle any of this with grace nuance common sense and/or sensitivity? nOPE #which is why I didn't immediately ask to join when I was first told about it #like my first experience with this DM was with both of us as players and he was trying to do the atheist paladin thing #and he somehow managed to do it in such a way that it removed EVERYTHING that makes an atheist paladin interesting #like he SO WANTED to be Zerxus Ilerez before Zerx was a twinkle in anyone's eye #and somehow managed to do everything wrong in every possible way #he traded compassion for apathy faith for indifference and righteousness for My Way Or The Highway #irl this guy is one of THOSE atheists. you know the ones who want to destroy all religion but won't admit that's cultural genocide #he's very ''hurr durr guns scawy'' and ''hurr durr religion scawy'' and thinks that makes him Smart™ and Enlightened™ and Right™ #like I'm fairly liberal in my stances but any time I hear the term ''liberal brain rot'' I think of my roommate's DM and I can't argue

[ziracona]

Go fucking apeshit every time a DA player is like “Yeah I agree Mages should be free, but he doesn’t have to TALK about it all the time” - oh, yeah god forbid the member of an oppressed minority who lives in the very real fear of being imprisoned, lobotomized and enslaved, or killed, every second of every day just because he exists, deign to talk about it much. Gee I wonder why the fact he could be legally locked up or killed by the established power structure at any second for having been born what he is might be on his mind every single day. So annoying he gives a shit what happens to other members of his minority community even when he’s slightly safer for the moment personally, and is committed to drawing attention to their plight and making things better through direct action!! Bet you guys are a real peach towards the minority folks in your real lives. Such understanding for why things matter to people they effect constantly on a life or death level when it doesn’t apply personally to you.

#fuck all the companions for treating him like he’s annoying for this too. he’ll literally just be trying to get them to vocally /agree/ his #people deserve freedom so he can feel more secure they’re allies if it comes to combat and they’ll be like 🙄 Goood Anders. SO annoying. cant #/believe/ you think about the fact a squadron of Templars could break into your clinic any minute and drag you off to make Tranquil or #publicly execute. it’s suuuuch a pain for me personally you talk all the time about how much things should be better for your minority group #He’s so extreme and irritating for constantly caring that every day a new Mage is lobotomized because a Templar felt like it! like can’t you #just let us not care much or continuously in peace? 🙄🙄 ‘—- #like I will beat ALL y’all’s asses. dont fucking treat a minority like that. gee I wonder why he blew up a building #not like he went through seven years of being put down even by his friends and treated like an overdramatic nuisance for asking for aid and #just god damn trying to get them to agree his people didn’t deserve to be purged #dragon age 2 #I don’t respect a single one of you even a little bit and I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that kind of attitude from ya irl

[racke7]

So, last night I was thinking about FF14 and Skyrim again.

Specifically, my feelings of "I played this game all day - do I feel like I actually did anything today, or not".

If I manage to play Skyrim for basically a full day (instead of some random burst of an hour), I usually feel like I've "advanced the story" of that character, gotten better gear, established the character's personality a little bit (doing X instead of Y, prioritizing this quest over that, commentary through regular gameplay, etc).

So I don't necessarily feel like I "did a lot of things today", but it does feel like there's an "accomplished" feeling, kind of.

If I play FF14 a full day, I feel like-... It feels a bit as if I've watched a really long movie (especially if I played MSQ)? It's a sometimes-good movie, so I don't necessarily regret it, but... that's it. Between the queues for dungeon-diving and travel-time, a lot of the gameplay really amounts to "watch a cutscene".

So, I learn new stuff about FF14-lore, I might get inspired into creating a fancy new outfit for a class, and... a few numbers go up? The aftermath of playing FF14 really does feel as if I've spent the day watching a weirdly prolonged movie.

#a part of me keeps making annoyed noises and saying ''just buy the fucking game already'' #bcs then i'll have bigger caps available. more outfits. etc. but then i remember that it's a subscription. #a subscription that will lock this character forever if i stop paying the fee. and suddenly i REALLY don't wanna. #and the fact that i keep feeling as if ''this is a movie - not a chance to create new and interesting characters''? #it definitely pushes ff14 closer towards something like no-character-creation The Witcher and actual-railroading Divinity 2 #and... yeah. mmos aren't exactly famous for letting you develop ''interesting characters'' in the story or whatever #but that's usually bcs there isn't a LOT of story. and it's usually very ''start a new character''-friendly #which ff14 is very much designed AGAINST (you can do all the classes as one character. msq is really fucking long. etc) #so despite how deeply invested ff14 is in its own story. it almost feels like the player isn't allowed to INTERACT with it. #skyrim has many faults (many many faults) in its story. but usually there's an ability to pick and choose what parts to interact with. #i could play as a thief and NOT join the thieves guild. i could ignore the civil war. or alduin. or miraak. #i can even make a choice sometimes to pick a side (dawnguard/vampires. empire/stormcloaks.) #there are even some daedric quests that allow for ''murder the innocents or get cool new item''-choices. #do those choices matter a lot as far as gameplay is concerned? not really. but for a character-story? it's incredible. #so ff14 has this whole world of amazing things. and you HAVE to play through msq to see it. #and msq doesn't really allow you to be anything other than ''heroic and steadfast warrior'' with MAYBE a bit of flavor-text mixed in. #which would be fine in most mmos. bcs the story is such a small part of the game. but ff14 has a FUCKTON of story. #so... you get to choose what your character looks like. and then you get to see them in lots of cutscenes. #bcs you don't really have any control over WHO this character of yours really is. just what they're wearing. #so yeah. it ends up feeling a lot like i've just watched a movie. not done something ''creative'' for character-building. #ff14 #skyrim #personal stuff #video games #rants

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt the random card au again. Why must it go so crazy hard I miss it sm

#rat rambles #random card au #no matter how far I drift from my bndori and sekai peak days the random card au keeps hitting me like a truck every now and then #it just scratches an itch that I havent been able to satisfy since my cr days years and years ago #I wouldnt say the random card au has super similar worldbuilding to my old cr stuff as that was much more large scale #but it still has a similar appeal to me I think #I think its the building entirely new worldbuilding based off of designs and general vague starting concepts and bringing them all together #that gets me invested as it feels so satisfying slotting it all together and then actually getting to play out the story in this new web #I loveeeee jumbled webs of worldbuilding and characters that all tie together in a way that makes it almost impossible to completely #seperate one cast of characters from another #I love the feeling of a world with a bunch of intertwining plots like that even if it makes it near impossible to format a normal story #like my cr stuff was just so much man I still miss it sometimes even if I hate cr itself #Ive become a much better story creator too now so I know I could make what I had so much better nowadays and I already like my old stuff #it just makes me all the more sad that I went so crazy hard on worldbuilding for a franchise that sucks ass </3 #it may have been two of the worst years of my life but Ill also never reach that worldbuilding high again I think #oh also it made me actually start the slow slow process of getting more ambitious with my art and doing more digital stuff #rly thats the biggest reason the random card au pains me so since I wanna post stuff for it but man do I not wanna draw anyone from it #first of all human characters so already eh but also Id have to adapt the cards theyre based on into a design I can actually draw #so as much as I wanna make a billion random card au animatics I cant even bring myself to draw them normally #you see olivia and jackie are easier to draw because I just made shit up for their designs and as such made their designs very simple #but I cant just make shit up for bndori and sekai characters they actually have designs and hair that Id have to adapt to my style it sucks #I just wanna draw doggy arisa is that so much to ask for (yes yes it is I dont wanna figure out her hood) #also rip mygo yall will probably never get in but who knows maybe one day Ill have my second bndori era and then y'all will get in #its rly just the fact that they likely wont have enough cards to properly add them for another few years #especially if that other band also gets in if that happens neither are getting enough cards until the servers shut down lol #like I Could just pick and choose but thats boring #kinda ruins the point of the au y'know? #like tbf Ive cheated in the past by reroling two and limiting my options with several sekai characters #but thats just because at the time most sekai characters had almost no usable cards for this au and the two I rerolled were also unusable #like Im sorry but I couldnt just add normal ass hagumi and masking it wasn't happening