#this post is more of a reminder to myself before i go try to write some stuff for nat and/or stelle | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bumblequinn · 6 months

Text

hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.

as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)

but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:

changing expectations

the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!

my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.

when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.

so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?

with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.

with that in mind:

#1: work slower

when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.

instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.

i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!

now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.

doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.

however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:

#2: switch projects

sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.

this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.

the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.

what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.

but it doesn't have to stop there.

#3: switch focus

maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?

let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:

what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?

and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?

what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?

any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.

or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.

but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:

#4: learn something new

when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.

for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)

it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)

that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:

music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang

mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix

general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!

(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)

of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:

#5: consume art you love

not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.

but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.

and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.

what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.

as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.

none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.

and finally,

#6: rest, and live your life

let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?

take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).

it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.

i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.

when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)

before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:

be kind to yourself.

being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.

i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.

thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.

with care, bee 🐦

#adhd #advice #asks #from #sourpatchsquids

2K notes · View notes

bettyfrommars · 4 months

Text

Dirty Metal Summer

a Dirty Dancing au

Part 1: Big Girls Don't Cry

Eddie x fem!Reader

MASTERLIST PLAYLIST

It's 1987, the same year the movie Dirty Dancing was originally released. 21-year-old reader is spending the summer with her dad and aunt at an all-inclusive resort in Indiana while she figures out what she wants to do with her life. After that summer, nothing will never be the same. Eddie is in his late 20’s and works as maintenance staff, he is also the frontman for the house band, begrudgingly delivering top 40 hits for the guests, and a secret third thing. When work is over, there is a completely different scene happening at a place the employees call The Hideout. Wayne is the head maintenance man, Chrissy is a metalhead, and a few other surprises. Bonus: Steve as a sexy, tattooed musician because I can't help myself.

my blog is always 18+only, MDNI please. The only warnings for the first chapter have to do with mention of a death of a parent, mention of grief, allusions to depression, a tiny bit of aggression, and alcohol consumption. But please read chapter warnings as the story progresses, because there will be angst, hurt/comfort, violence (fighting), and smut. Reader is called Bird as a nickname.

A/N: this is a rewrite of an OC fic I wrote over a year ago, and damn, I really needed to change a lot because my writing has evolved so much. I know I posted a snippet last week, but it's all been changed. Thank you to those who have been excited about this, I know Dirty Dancing is a cherished film, so I am treating this retelling with reverence, while adding some creative spins, and I truly hope you enjoy. The ST characters in this fic do not know each other in the same way they did in the show. For instance, Eddie, Steve, and Chrissy all grew up together, but I do my best to stick with their original character traits. This first part lines up very close with the film, but after that, it diverges and becomes a bit different. Same story line, but also not.

Part 1: Big Girls Don't Cry

word count: 6.3k

The soft murmur of a talk radio station hummed in the cement gray Mercedes-Benz 560, with your dad behind the wheel and his sister, your aunt Kim, in the passenger seat. From the backseat, you stared out the window with your headphones on, wishing for rain. The scenery was what you would expect from a place on earth that everyone considered idyllic, but you’d been exposed to so much lush greenery with that bright blue, theater backdrop of a sky for the last hour that you were starting to get a headache.

You pushed your wayfarer sunglasses up to rub the bridge of your nose, and then flipped the tape over in your Walkman before clicking it shut to press play. You were listening to a mixtape you’d made especially for the trip, the spine even said “road trip from hell”, but the first one on side b was Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac, and you closed your eyes for the next several songs. You were doing your best not to think about how you’d be trapped in BFE Indiana for a whole month.

You were also doing your best not to think about how your mother would not be home when you got back, or worse yet, the fact that you would never see her again. Never feel her generous hugs in those Laura Ashley dresses, smelling of Shalimar; never hear her voice at the other end of the line reminding you to eat something.

Your aunt said your name and your eyes snapped open. It was perfect timing because tears were beginning to form at your lash line. She had turned around in her seat and was trying to get your attention.

You pulled your headphones down around your neck. “Sorry?”

“The lake,” the expression on her face harbored more excitement than you’d ever felt in your entire life. “Isn’t it gorgeous? We’re going to get pedicures at the spa tomorrow, I already booked it.”

You glanced at your father’s stoic profile and then back to Kim. You felt bad for your aunt, getting stuck on a trip with two sad, mopey fucks who were too depressed to get excited about the things that thrilled normal people. You were the walking wounded.

“Pedicures, great,” your smile did not reach your eyes, but she didn’t seem to notice, as her enthusiasm doggedly refused to wane.

It had been almost four months since you lost her, and the world was still too…bright. Everyone was so talkative and alive and you couldn’t relate.

You looked out over the smooth expanse of lake that was nestled perfectly in the trees like you were in some type of miniature scale model rebuild of a town. Your aunt asked your dad, Owen, if he was still listening to the news, and when he shook his head, she changed the radio station to a golden oldies station and was satisfied with the tune Big Girls Don’t Cry by Frankie Vallie.

“You’ll love this cabin, Bird,” your dad said to you as the Mercedes crested the hill and began to maneuver down to your destination on a narrow, two-lane highway flanked with towering trees. A big green and white sign welcomed them to Hawkins Landing. “There’s a whole top floor where you can set up for your lessons.”

You turned away, back to the window, hiding the way your nose wrinkled. You thought maybe a perk of this getaway would be to have a break from practicing the cello you’d been tied to for over a decade, but no luck. He’d been forced to give up his dream of being a musician, and now you were expected to carry the torch for him.

You tried to come up with one thing you did in life that was not to please someone else, or boost some idea they had about you, and couldn’t come up with squat.

Besides reading. And taking long walks with music to clear your head. Those two were yours, and they could only be taken from your cold, dead, hands.

From the Hawkins Landing brochure your aunt had given you, it was clear that the property was enormous. Some 30 or 40 guest cabins scattered around, a main house that functioned as a hotel but also housed two different restaurants. A golf course, boat rentals, tennis courts, an outdoor theater, and a third restaurant situated on the water. Along with the full service spa, there were indoor and outdoor swimming pools, plus any class you could imagine wanting to take, from salsa dancing and water skiing, to chess and crochet.

Hawkins Landing was like a camp for adults who enjoyed alcoholic beverages.

There was a security checkpoint at the main entrance with two guards inside. The taller one with the neatly trimmed red beard recognized your father from the jacket cover on one of his many books. Thrillers mostly, horror if you squint. He nervously asked for an autograph, but Owen was very polite, adjusting his tortoise shell glass as he took the black marker that the guard was offering him.

After the checkpoint, it wasn’t long before the road opened into an expansive rose garden with a large fountain dead center, and the big main house with its wrap-around porch just to the right. You pushed your sunglasses up to get a look at the people mingling around, getting the idea that the median age there was 45, and it was mostly families.

The guards had given your dad a foldout map of the property and told him to check in at the main house to get the keys to the cabin they were staying in. The car moved at a crawl at the roundabout, and then came to park where a sign announced new guest check-ins.

Your dad told you to sit tight while he went in to grab the keys, and your attention trailed off to a black golf cart with a white awning that wheeled in like a racecar and took position in front of the Mercedes. It sat there close to the curb, idling. You could see there was a woman behind the wheel, and she was looking straight ahead, giving you her profile. Chin length, dark gold hair, just long enough for a ponytail, and the words “Hawkins Landing Staff” written in yellow cursive on the back of her navy blue jacket. Where her sleeve was pushed up at her elbow, you noticed some type of tattooed lettering there, and her fingernails were painted black.

Up ahead, you caught sight of someone strolling down the sidewalk toward the car with a hand in his pocket. It was a guy with honey tipped chocolate hair styled in a pompadour with a curl that bounced at his forehead, wearing tan chinos and a maroon, button down short sleeve with the square bulge of a pack of smokes in his front pocket. A tattoo peeked out from the V of his shirt, and there was another design on his bicep. He wore a pinky ring on one hand and rolled a toothpick around in his mouth as he sidled up to the golf cart to say something to the woman driving it. They bumped knuckles and talked for a bit like they were very familiar, him with one foot up on the running board of the cart.

“Steve, there you are,” from the open window, your attention bounced to a short, dark haired woman who’d just come out of the building and stood alongside your dad on the sidewalk. A closer look told you that her name tag said Joyce.

The guy with the toothpick in his mouth straightened, smoothing the front of his shirt with his hand. “Hey Joyce, I was just—”

Apparently uninterested in what he was about to say, she took him by the crook of the arm. She introduced you all by your family name, and let him know that you were “her special guests”, and you assumed that had to do with your dad being a famous author, or maybe she said that about every new family. While you chose to not do much else than offer a small wave from the back seat like you had no autonomy, Kim got out to greet them properly.

“This is Steve,” Joyce gestured to him with a Vanna White hand. “If you ever want to take guitar lessons this summer, he’s one of our best.”

“Or, if you just want to have some fun,” Steve’s eyes seemed to be searching Kim’s face, and then he shrugged. “I mean, I run the boats on the dock too, so if you want to ski or—”

Kim got flustered and tried to find her words, fussing with the lapel of her corduroy jacket in a way you’d never witnessed before. “I’m…I mean, sure, who wouldn’t want to be on the lake at a place like this?”

Kim hated boats and got seasick very easily, so you found her new interest amusing.

Joyce politely waved Steve off and he went, albeit reluctantly, backing up with slow steps to wave farewell. The smile stretching across his face grew wider the longer Kim couldn’t take her eyes off of him. When he was finally jogging up the sidewalk to get to where he needed to be, Joyce continued to try and sell Kim and your dad on the resort, even though you were already booked for the month.

“Sunday night is Bingo night. There’s karaoke in The Antler Room on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and you need to check out our house band if you can. They’re playing tonight on the back patio, and the rhythm guitar is sensational. She used to perform with Vixen and Lita Ford,” she handed over the necessary keys and pointed the way to get to the cabin on the map.

“Just follow us,” Joyce said, hopping into the golf cart next to the girl with the forearm tattoo.

They led the way down a long, winding stretch with lush lawn and manicured hedges on either side, littered with people coming up from the pool in their bathing suits. There appeared to be a Tai Chi lesson happening on the lawn near the rose garden, and some type of painting class going on just above them on a balcony.

Made you wonder why summer people always had to stay so busy.

The cabin you’d be staying in was down a side road, tucked at the end of a private driveway with a view of the lake. It had five bedrooms, which was more than enough, but one of them would immediately turn into Owen’s writing room so that he could work on his latest novel.

You were careful to tuck your Walkman into your bag as the Mercedes coasted into its parking spot. Squinting up at the place, you were somewhat distracted by how much you liked the creepy, old feel of the whitewashed cabin, and you underestimated how far from the curb you were when you stepped out, stumbling to the side.

The girl with the forearm tattoo caught you in both arms, preventing you from putting all of your weight on your twisted ankle.

“Whoa,” she moved her supportive grip from your waist to your elbow as you righted yourself. “You okay?”

Your heart shot into your throat, and then you coughed a laugh, covering your face. “What a way to start the summer.”

She said her name was Robin, and there was a polite handshake exchange. She tripped over her words a bit. “It’s not every day that someone falls for me.”

“Well, I’m pretty clumsy, you might need to stay close,” and the two of you shared a self-conscious laugh as you led the way to the trunk full of baggage.

When you reached in to grab your suitcase, Robin teased, “hey, that’s my job,” before leaning further in to take the oddly shaped black hard case, the satin of her jacket skimming your arm. She struggled with it at first, but then held it up by the handle and gave you a sideways look.

“This yours?” She asked, cocking one eyebrow up. “You’re a musician?”

“No, well, yes I am but no I, I play the cello,” you stammered, not sure why it was hard to get the words out. “But here, I can carry that. It’s big and heavy and—”

Robin winked. “I got it,” and then she snatched another suitcase with the other hand and shuffled by you to make her way up to the porch.

Once you were all settled inside and Joyce had explained all of the amenities, you and Kim pushed back the curtains and watched the two go from the living room window. Just before they took off in the cart, Robin sent you a wave.

“She looks like a nice girl,” Kim had her arms folded over her chest. “Maybe the two of you could—”

“I know you’re worried about me, okay, but I don’t need to make any friends this summer,” you were holding the case for your cello in front of you with both hands, using it as a metaphorical barrier. “I like being alone.”

By the time you put your stuff away in the bedroom you’d be staying in, your dad was already typing away in his writing room, you could hear the keys of his Selectric click-clacking.

“I’ll be back in a bit,” you called across the rustic but spacious cabin living room. “I’m going to look around the main house.”

Kim barely caught your words as she was struggling with her glasses to read an ingredient label as she put some dry goods away in the kitchen. “Mhmm sounds good, have fun. Be back in time for dinner, we have reservations at…whatever that place is called. Your dad knows.”

You tapped the Swatch on your wrist and gave an absent wave over your shoulder.

With your headphones on, you made your way down to the main sidewalk that split off in two directions, bordering either side of the swimming pool and tennis courts. You found the bike path that wound down along the lake to the boat dock, and then up into a lush pocket of dense forest. Two teenage girls on rollerblades almost crashed into you as they bolted around the bend, giggling. Trying to decide if you wanted to go toward the water or into the woods, you watched a staff member veer off onto an uneven stone pathway and your curiosity was piqued.

Creeping along in their wake, you marched up a hill for what felt like forever, with Bring on the Dancing Horses by Echo and the Bunnymen playing in your ears, until you realized with a start that you’d already arrived at the main building. It loomed up ahead like a mansion from some old gothic romance novel.

You continued to plod your way along the trunks of trees, until you spotted a group having a chat on the wide porch, and took a few steps back.

They were all leaning against the railing in a semicircle, facing each other, so that you could see the Hawkins Landing Staff on the back of a few of their navy jackets.

One of them was Steve from earlier, next to him was a girl with a blonde ponytail, and then two others.

“I met that author guy today,” Steve took a drag and then blew the smoke up in the air, away from everyone’s face. “The one who wrote Darkness on the Hill, that one they made into a movie.”

You realized that it was your dad he was talking about.

Not looking where you were stepping, you caught your toe on a tree root and your arms windmilled before you were able to find your balance, floundering to duck behind another tree. Your mouth opened in a silent scream, trying not to gasp at the pain in your foot. Grimacing, you turned the volume down on the headphones that were around your neck to better hear what they were saying.

“That actor from that one show about law and order is staying in cabin 8,” the girl with the ponytail said. “Housekeeping says he finishes a bottle of whiskey a night.”

But then, there was another voice. “Now that sounds like a great fucking vacation to me,” followed by the heavy footfalls of boots on wood as a new person approached the group.

The sight of the new arrival made you feel like your brain was wiped clean—-the whole world came to a screeching halt.

Swallowing hard, all of your attention tunneled on him; his long dark hair with bangs that crowded his eyes, a thin but muscular build, tattoos scattered over his exposed arms, and a leather jacket hooked over his shoulder with one finger. He combed a hand through his hair as he walked, chunky metal rings catching the light, and headed over to the blonde girl. You took note of every movement as she passed him her half-smoked cig and he gave her a quick kiss on the temple.

Was that his girlfriend?

He stepped back to introduce the younger guy he had with him. “This Jamie, my new maintenance trainee,” he used the hand holding his smoke to point to each one on the balcony individually. You really didn’t pay attention until he got to the blonde one. “...that one there is the lovely Chrissy, and the moody one with the hairy chest is Steve. They’re the other musicians I told you about.”

Jamie had short black, curly hair and a hoop piercing in one ear. He lit his own smoke while the metalhead started in with a story about a pump exploding at the pool house, complete with wild hand gestures.

“Hey, there the fuck you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you losers.”

Another voice, another person making their way down the long stretch of squeaky wood planks from the front of the building. You stepped closer, snapping a twig under your foot, eliciting a worried lip bite.

Everyone stayed right where they were, but for Eddie who moved in front of Jamie in a protective way. The guy approaching at a stroll had very nondescript good looks with his wheat blonde hair in a tight cut that looked freshly trimmed. While the others were dressed more casually, this one wore a white dress shirt and tie with black trousers, as if he had some fancy place to be.

“You talking to me?” The metalhead flicked his cigarette ash and stepped forward to meet the new guy before he could come any closer to the group. “Cause, if so, you might want to change your tone, precious.”

“Eddie, don’t,” Chrissy said, and then she stood up, addressing the guy in the suit. “Jason, what the fuck do you want?”

Eddie, you moved your lips, whispering the name to yourself. His name was Eddie.

Jason put his hands up in mock surrender. “Why so hostile?” He turned to Eddie. “Joyce has been trying to find you for an hour. There’s a toilet backed up in one of the cabins, and trash that needs to go to the dump. Sounds to me like you’re having a hard time doing your job, Munson.”

You scuttled like a crab, moving to a spot where you could see their faces instead of the backs of their heads.

So that you could see Eddie’s face.

Steve checked his watch and pushed off of the railing to snub his cig out on the bottom of his shoe. “I gotta run. See you bastards at the show tonight,” he said in passing, shoving both hands into his trouser pockets. He walked right into Jason, shoulder checking him, before casually going on his way. Jason shot him an evil look.

“Well,” Eddie took a deep breath. “Tell Joyce I got the message,” and then he motioned for Jamie to follow him.

“Too bad we can’t take you out with the rest of the trash, freak,” Jason mumbled, loud enough for you to hear every word, and a tension crackled in the air.

The metalhead stopped dead in his tracks and drew his shoulders back.

When he finally turned on his heel, he wore a satisfied smirk, inclining his head, as if he’d been waiting for Jason to say something all along.

Chrissy moved as if she were about to go over and break up whatever was about to happen, but one of the others put a handout and stopped her.

“Just keep sending your laundry home to mommy, baby boy, and leave the real work to me,” Eddie said, and then he flicked the butt of his cigarette at Jason’s face.

Jason moved his head just in time so that the hot cherry missed his cheek by a hair and bounced off the wall behind him, spraying sparks. Chrissy and the others snickered at how beet red Jason’s face got, but he didn’t say another word, he just waited for Eddie and Jamie to be far enough away before he went back around to the front entrance.

When the coast was clear, you stood and made your way to the path again. With a curse you realized you were going to be late for that dinner reservation, and picked up speed to a slow, sad jog.

You found yourself thinking that maybe being trapped at Hawkins Landing for the summer wouldn’t be so bad after all.

—----

Your aunt Kim gave you an exasperated look when you all finally sat down for dinner, being that you’d made everyone 20 minutes late for the reservation. There didn’t appear to be a single open table when you arrived, but Joyce had made sure to keep the one by the window facing the gardens open for your party. She came around to introduce the guy who was to be your waiter, and you sat up a little straighter in your seat when you realized it was Jason from earlier. The way he’d been dressed out on the porch made sense now, as his uniform was the same as all of the other waitstaff.

Near the end of the meal, Joyce returned to the table in her black pencil skirt and fitted jacket, but this time, she was with a guy who you could tell wanted to look like Don Johnson in Miami Vice, but it came off more as Gary from Weird Science.

“I'd like you to meet Troy, he’s the son of Mr. Brenner, the owner of the resort,” there was a reluctance about her, as if she’d been forced at gunpoint to introduce him.

Troy stared at you with an uncomfortable intensity, making your attention fall to your plate.

“I’m in charge when my father isn’t around,” Troy said with a smug grin, putting his hands in his white trouser pockets, and you spotted some type of metal retainer on his teeth.

Joyce cleared her throat, annoyed that his statement was far from true. But she recognized that it was part of her job to indulge the little shit.

“I just graduated with a business degree from Georgetown,” he gloated, giving you a wink. “This place will all be mine one day.”

Your father exchanged a look with your aunt over his chocolate mousse.

“Well, it’s nice to know someone else your age here, isn’t it, Bird? Maybe you two kids should go have some fun tonight,” Kim chirped.

If your aunt wasn’t so far away, you would’ve kicked her under the table.

Troy bent at the waist so that his face wasn’t far from yours. “I’d love to show you around after dinner, if you’re interested in a tour?”

Before you could issue a vague excuse like, “sorry I can’t, I have a headache,” Kim spoke for you again.

“I think that’s a great idea,” she even clapped her hands, applauding it.

In the end, you went with him to make Kim happy, to get her off your back, hopefully for the rest of the trip.

An hour or two with a pretentious prick wouldn’t hurt you.

—-------

Troy wasn’t bad company, but he was quite full of himself. He had interesting stories about his extensive travels, but then he also told awkward stories that were possibly fibs about how many models he’d dated, and expanded on how he wanted to be married with two kids by the time he was 30.

You, on the other hand, couldn’t imagine thinking that far ahead, and he wouldn’t let you get a word in edgewise.

You followed close behind through the huge, busy kitchen of the restaurant you’d just dined in, and he tried to hold your hand when he introduced you to the head chef, but you were sly, and pulled it away to cross your arms over your chest. He gave you a tour of the ballroom and took a stroll through the other restaurant on the opposite end of the building that had a much more relaxed feel, low lighting, red carpet, and a bar at the center.

You went down to the boat docks and walked along the pier. The stars were breathtaking, but Troy didn’t notice, he was too busy trying to convince you to go out on his boat with him. You declined, taking a page from Kim’s book to mention a freshly born curse of violent seasickness.

You had your elbows on the railing at the pier, enjoying the velvet reflection of the crescent moon in the lake, and you could feel your jaw grow tense under the weight of Troy’s stare.

On the verge of telling him you were ready to head back to your cabin, the sound of music drifted down from somewhere on the property.

Yes, no mistaking, it was Take Me Home Tonight by Eddie Money, but it was being executed with someone else’s voice, and whoever that person was had some serious pipes.

And then there was the distinct sound of a feminine voice chiming in with the parts from the song Be My Baby Now by the Ronettes in the chorus.

"Is that a live band?" You turned away from him to try and find the source of the music. It wasn’t coming from the restaurant on the water or any of the cabins to your right.

"There's a cover band every Friday out behind the main house. You want to check it out?" He held the crook of his arm out to you and hesitated before you took it. His ego sufficiently stroked now that you wanted to spend more time with him.

Around the side of the building, overlooking the golf course, was a huge, fenced in back patio garden area with a private hot tub and pool for hotel guests. Troy led you through a white arbor wound with ivy to find that there were plenty of people mingling, drinking, and dancing. The area was mostly manicured lawn, with stone pathways meandering around from a concrete floor that was right in front of the small riser that was meant to be a stage. You imagined that a million weddings had taken place there.

At the door was a bar, and Troy got you a flute of champagne, which you downed with abandon and asked for another. While he was getting your second glass, you made your way along under several boughs of white string lights to get a view of the stage and who was performing the top tier Eddie Money cover.

Just as you stepped into the crowd of people shuffling to the beat, you stopped dead in your tracks.

There he was at the mic: Eddie the metalhead.

Guitar slug low at his hips, wearing a tuxedo with light blue cummerbund and bow tie, his hair neatly combed back and fixed into a knot at the back of his head so that you could really see the curves of his face. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was performing the song against his will.

The rest of the band were dressed similarly, and you instantly knew the one strumming the bass guitar as Steve, and the woman on backup vocals rocking on the rhythm was Chrissy, who wore a conservative skirt and flats. There was also a keyboardist and a drummer, both of whom you did not recognize.

“What’s your major?” Troy asked, breaking your reverie to pass you the glass of champagne. “In college?”

You were confused for a second but then, “oh, I took the year off to…figure some things out.” The full truth of it was that you had dropped out completely and had no intention of going back.

“I spent a summer in Greece my freshman year,” he offered, unprovoked. “The women there are, wow, so smoking hot.”

The song finished and Eddie took his tuxedo jacket off, rolling up his shirt sleeves to his elbows, exposing the scattered tattoos you’d noticed earlier. He leaned over to whisper something to Chrissy, motioned at the drummer, and then stepped back into place, brushing a loose wisp of hair off his cheek.

“Find someone special for this next one,” he told the crowd, and was answered with a rush of murmurs.

The first notes to In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel, a slow song, lit up the space, and your stomach tightened, fearing that Troy would ask you to dance. As he escorted you to the floor, you tried to keep your head down and stay to the back of the crowd, but Troy kept maneuvering you closer to the stage.

I get so lost, sometimes

Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart

When I want to run away

I drive off in my car

But whichever way I go

I come back to the place you are

You watched the performance from over Troy’s shoulder and followed his lead, shifting from foot to foot. You were mesmerized by the muscles in Eddie’s hands as he played each note, and the way Chrissy came in like an angel on the chorus.

He’d captured the attention of everyone in the garden at that moment, and there was a group of women watching him from the sidelines, whispering to each other, possibly about how they wanted to eat him alive.

They were all thinking the same thing you were: Eddie was magic.

He liked to close his eyes when he sang, so you weren’t expecting him to be staring right at you when he opened them again.

All my instincts, they return

And the grand facade, so soon will burn

Without a noise, without my pride

I reach out from the inside

He wouldn’t break eye contact, so you eventually had to; the intensity of it was giving you butterflies.

Troy stepped back and tried to get your attention. “Did you hear anything I just said?”

You nodded, but your gaze only drifted back to Eddie. Troy followed your line of sight and then dropped both of his hands with a frustrated cluck of his tongue.

"What the hell is he doing up there?" He hissed to himself when it dawned on him that Eddie had been behind the mic that whole time. "That's our goddamn maintenance guy. He shouldn't be up there."

In a huff, Troy pushed through the crowd and headed over to one of the other staff members against the fence. Bird could see him shouting and pointing over at the stage. Whatever the staff guy said did not seem to cheer him up a bit, and he came back to your side, shrugging his shoulders.

"I guess our normal front man Drew has the flu," he reported back. "It's just so hard to find reliable help these days."

Eddie was making the song his own, and that was what you liked about it.

“Let’s get out of here,” Troy put his hand on your lower back to escort you out. “The music sucks.”

—--

It was 9:30 when you made it back to the main foyer, standing in the middle of the lobby next to an obnoxious floral arrangement, when Troy tried to get you to go back to his cabin and watch a movie, only to get respectfully declined.

“Don’t worry about your parents,” Troy said, brushing his finger over your chin. “They know you’re with me, so they’re probably the happiest parents at Hawkins Landing.”

The guy had quite an ego on him, you had to give him that. It was unsurpassed by most.

In the end, you got away, and as soon as your Mary Jane’s hit the cobblestones outside the front door, you could feel yourself trotting at a quicker pace, eager to put some distance between you and Troy and everyone else, for that matter. You didn’t stop until you were far enough away from the main hotel to be able to check over your shoulder and not see it through the trees.

It was then that you realized that you had a free chunk of time, and you could do with it whatever you wished. Your dad would think you were still with Troy, and as long as you made it back to the cabin before midnight, they wouldn’t worry.

As much as it was the dead of summer, Indiana by the water had very cool nights, and you buttoned up the jean jacket you were wearing just as you noticed a yellow sign on a lamppost to the right that said: Staff Quarters, No Guests Allowed Beyond This Point

And that made you want to venture in even more.

You checked around to make sure there was no one there to notice that you blatantly ignored the sign, and just kept going. The path at your feet changed from stone to a well-worn dirt path through the grass, and it wasn’t long before you could hear the sound of music erupting in the distance.

You passed by staff quarters, a few weathered red cabins with white trim, lined close together, and there were some people hanging out on their porches who gave you curious looks, but didn’t seem too concerned with your presence.

Following the source of the music, you descended down into unknown, poorly lit territory that no longer looked like it was part of the Hawkins Landing property.

(song playing in the distance is Dangerous Meeting by Mercyful Fate)

It was then that you noticed a pale yellow light coming from the windows of a building up ahead. Just as the dirt path turned to gravel, you identified the music you were hearing as heavy metal, and it was bolstered by distinct shouts and cheers, even a high-pitched scream or two.

“Hey,” a voice startled you from out of the dark and you jumped. “What are you going out here?”

Heart racing, you spun around to find out it was Robin.

She was struggling to carry several things in her arms as she walked and you rushed over to her.

“Where did you come from?” You asked, grinning ear to ear at how glad you were to see someone familiar.

“My cabin is right over there,” she bucked her chin in a direction behind you.

She had a crossbody bag over her shoulder, an amp in one hand, and she was juggling two guitar cases, one of which she fumbled, and you managed to catch it before it hit the ground. You wrapped your arms around the hard case with the Scorpions sticker on it, silently offering to carry it the rest of the way.

“You don’t have to—” Robin started, adjusting the bag over her shoulder.

“I want to,” you looked back up at the house where the music was coming from, assuming that was where she was headed. “I carry that big cello around all the time, remember? I’m used to it.”

Robin moved her jaw from side to side and she looked conflicted. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

Your eyes were still locked on the house hidden in the trees. “What is that place?”

“Listen,” she gave you an imploring look. “I will get in so much trouble if they find out you came out here. Your dad won’t want you here, trust me.”

Her warning did nothing to squelch your curiosity. “I’m a big girl, I go wherever I want. Plus, I won’t tell anyone.”

“Besides,” she gave you a knowing look, raising her eyebrow. “If your boyfriend Troy finds out you were here, Brenner will fire all of us.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you snapped. But then, softer, you added, “I barely just met him tonight.”

Robin wasn’t in the mood to try and rip the guitar out of your hands, and so, with a heavy sigh, she caved.

“Fine,” she sighed. “But stay close to me, okay? You’re not at the resort anymore, sweetheart.”

You nodded, waiting for her to lead the way.

She took a step forward and then stopped and turned on her heel to point at the instrument in your arms.

“Be extra careful with that, it’s Eddie’s baby. He’ll grow horns if anything happens to it.”

----

Hi! If you are familiar with the movie Dirty Dancing, you have an idea about what scene is coming up next. I've really enjoyed lining up certain events with the movie, but things will obviously be different in this because I want it to have some surprises in store for you.

Every chapter from here on out will start with a list of the songs, ones that will give hints for what to expect. I wanted to make music a big part of this fic, because it was a huge deal in the movie, and the original soundtrack is still dear to me.

as always, thank you so much for reading and interacting with this story! Comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated. or send me an ask and let me know what you think ❤️

------

taglist: @tlclick73 @micheledawn1975 @kurdtbean @katethetank @elvendria @spookysqaush86 @somethingvicked @stylesxmunson @laurenlokirby @sapphire4082

#Dirty Metal Summer #dirty dancing au #Eddie Munson series #Eddie Munson #Eddie Munson fic #Eddie Munson smut #Stranger Things fic #Steve Harrington #robin buckley

419 notes · View notes

sweetenerobert · 19 days

Text

begin again

1.3k | joel miller x plus size gender neutral reader

summary: you haven’t gone out on a date ever since you broke up with your toxic ex boyfriend — a year ago, a new opportunity rises when you meet joel miller.

warnings: toxic relationship (guiltrip, body shaming, gaslighting), self-conscious reader, awkward!joel, mention of an age gap (it's your choice, but reader is of age) teeth rotting fluff, first date in a cafe

a/n: doing this for @beskarandblasters for their Taylor Swift Drabble Challenge ;), i’m happy to participate!, if you would like to participate, read this post

a/n 2: as a plus size author myself, i wanted to try something different (keep out for more plus size reader in the mere future, but i still write male reader with no descriptions to let your imaginations go wild <333.

I loved how CUUUUUTE this idea is, i might write a longer version of this ;p also reminder, i went overboard with the word count :0

dividers by @saradika-graphics

“You’re seriously gonna wear that?” Trevor said.

Glancing down at your stomach and then back at your boyfriend, you were confused about what Trevor meant. “What do you mean?” Shrugging your shoulders.

“That,” Trevor pointed at you, and you were still baffled at what he was pointing at. “Your hoodie.”

Your eyes trailing back down to your comfort hoodie. You’ve had it ever since the start of your senior year of high school into now being a twenty-one-year-old college student. It had some tiny holes, but you didn't care; you loved the material, the color, and how it made you feel comfortable.

“Well, yeah.” You shrugged.

Trevor sat up from lying on his bed and walked towards you, a look of disgust on his face. But you couldn’t tell what that look on his face was. He was always good at hiding it.

“Babe, you know I love that hoodie,” Trevor started blatantly lying to your face. “But I want you to make a good impression on my friends, so do you think you could wear something different?”

That indescribable feeling in your stomach rose to your throat, feeling as if someone were choking you. The stale taste of bile stayed in your throat as your stomach felt like it was doing summersaults. You disregarded it to be nerves about meeting Trevor’s friends.

In the back of your brain, you knew that meeting them would’ve been a piece of cake if the front of your brain made you constantly nervous. Trevor knew they liked you, but he made you think they didn't. To make you feel small.

“But I have nothing else to wear that makes me comfortable.”

Trevor holds both his pointer fingers to signal you to wait with a smirk on his face, walking towards his closet quickly. Pulling out a trendy denim jacket he owned, you liked it, but it wasn't your style — or size.

“This,” Trevor smiled.

“But, it doesn't fit. I can barely get one button to close, and it's going to be cold tonight,” You complained.

Trevor groaned where chills ran down your spine; it made you not want to say another word. “C’mon baby, we don't want to be late, just put on the fucking jacket so we can hurry up.”

The attitude sent your way wasn't new, but you always felt like it was your fault, and this felt like your fault. He was trying to make you feel good; who’s to say he’s wrong?

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay; I didn't mean to get loud.”

That same meaningless apology you’ve heard before that always managed to calm you down. You zip down your hoodie, throwing it on Trevor’s bed, landing on the end of the bed frame, the hood between the mattress and the wooden frame. Taking the jacket and slipping your arms into it made you feel uncomfortable with how tight the denim felt against your back. You felt your shirt picked up — exposing your skin and making goosebumps occupy that area.

Looking at the mirror, you hated what you saw, but the smile on Trevor’s made you feel slightly better.

“I hate this,” You frowned.

“You look great,” Trever emphasized, draping his arm around your neck enthusiastically, which made you feel better. Right?

“Well, you finally look like you actually like my friends.”

“But, I’ve always liked your—”

“Okay, let's get going, baby.” Trevor kissed your cheek and left you alone in his room. The mirror catches your vulnerability in ways you couldn't see, and it makes you feel uneasy; it was bothering you that you couldn't figure out that word.

Disgust.

Disgust was the word that Trevor made you feel.

Judging you, making you feel like you're losing your mind, making you feel like you weren't enough. Disgust.

You were quickly slapping your face to erase any trace of Trevor. You stood outside the coffee shop where you agreed to meet up with the guy you matched up with on Bumble, Joel Miller.

It had been six months before you had gone back on dating apps, grieving the loss of your relationship in the past. Joel was one of the first few people you matched with. He was older, but he could hold down a conversation, making you feel like you could talk to him for hours. He was okay with meeting up with you, but he wanted to ensure you were comfortable with the timing; he was okay with waiting.

It had been five months until you agreed to see him; nervous to the brim, you didn't know what to wear; spending countless minutes in your underwear, you quickly put together an outfit and grabbed a hoodie.

When you first walked in and Joel noticed you, his smile beamed at you, making butterflies appear in your stomach. He had wired headphones in his ear as he stood up quickly, shoving them in his jacket. Wrapping his arms around you in a hug, he made you feel protected in his arms; he smelt of old spice and mint, and in your mind, it was adorable that you chuckled in your head.

As Joel backed up from the hug, he smiled at you again. “Hi.”

“Hi,” You smiled back. “Did I keep you waiting?”

“Uh, no. Not really, just listenin’ to the playlist you made me.”

“Oh god,” you buried your head in your hand. “You still listen to that?”

“Of course, it's the thing that helps me get out of bed.”

You chuckle and can't help but smile from ear to ear as Joel smiles at you lovingly. “Well, if you ever get bored with that one, I would gladly make you another one.”

Joel chuckles through his smile; he quickly rubs the back of his neck, looking back towards his seat. “Uh, do you wanna sit down?”

“I would love that.”

Joel directs you to your seat; you cannot help but feel heat rise to your face; as you sit in your chair, Joel sits in front of you. As you wiped your hands on your hoodie, you looked up at Joel; you noticed him resting his head on his fist, looking at you. That feeling of Joel critiquing little things about you rose back to when Trevor would do it.

“Trevor isn’t here; you're fine,” You thought.

“Is there something on my face?” Your quick to cover your mouth with your hand.

Joel shakes his head and smiles at you. “Just admirin’ you, you're s’ perfect.”

The heat in your face was reaching a dangerous level, where you could feel your face explode. “Stop, you're pulling my tail.”

“I’m serious, your amazin’.”

You can't help but look down at the table in despair as you rarely received compliments from Trevor; it's hard to believe what Joel was saying to be the truth. “M’sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?”

“No!” You shake your head. Taking a deep breath, you place your hands on the table. “It's just I’ve never received compliments, and it's only when my ex would make me forget how much of an ass he is.”

That padding of Joel’s palm rested against your knuckles; you look at your hands together, and you look at Joel’s welcoming smile. “I promise, whenever I compliment you, it's comin’ from the depths of my soul, sweetheart.”

The warmth of Joel’s hand made you feel comfortable, a feeling you craved with— nobody. You felt good in this moment. “Now, how about I get you a cup of coffee? I promise it's the best.”

You chuckle. “Come on, I had to meet you here; let me buy it.”

As Joel gets up, he slides his hands down in an ‘X’ motion. “Nope, as the gentleman my momma raised me, it’ll be my pleasure.”

“Okay, but the next time we go out on a date, I’m buying.”

“I’ll hold you to it, sweetheart.” Joel walks away, and you can't help but smile at him as he walks away.

242 notes · View notes

weirdly-specific-but-ok · 4 months

Text

thoughts on fanfiction, perfectionism, and being enough

I'm pretty sure I'm ill and half-asleep and the Good Omens fandom has destroyed my last tenuous grasp on reality, but I am making a post anyway not knowing what I'm going to say. Because that's what this site is for, is it not?

*holds out hand* *waits for you to take it* Hey, you know, you're never going to be done. You're never going to look at something you made and think it's perfect. It's never going to be enough. It's okay to stop and it let it be imperfect. The earth didn't just birth life into just the right conditions, it made creatures which evolved and went extinct, ice ages which ended, volcanos that destroyed life and volcanos that preserved cities for millennia. It made jagged rocks that would be smoothened by rivers and stomachs that would hunger, rivers that would flood and rivers that would run dry.

Create imperfect things and give them to the world. Let the world create from it in turn in an endless cycle. Like Milton on the Bible, like BBC with Sherlock Holmes, like anyone writing fanfiction of their favourite show... Let your creation be imperfect, so you can see all the million ways in which people try to perfect it. All the million ways in which perfection can exist. That's the beauty of fandoms and fanworks. It keeps the creation evolving, keeps it breathing and alive. It becomes the work of a million people, and carries their stories with it in a little back pocket.

And maybe we were made to be imperfect too. Our hair tangles just to be brushed, our arm itches just to be scratches, our hand clenches just to be held and unclenched. There are odd shapes that make us up but they fit in with everyone else's, in handshakes, in bridal carries, in a parent lifting a child, a rescue worker lifting a victim, a girl kissing her wife, a child hugging his toy, a person holding their hands in prayer or in pain.

I'm trying to remind myself of that, because it's so easy to keep wanting more, to believe that there will be a point at which I will be satisfied with what I have done. Even in this fandom, I look at my ridiculous summaries I accidentally wound up making, and look at someone's beautiful meta blog and I feel like shrinking a little bit. But in real life, I'm a designer and an artist, a reader and poet and songwriter, and someone who has been a writer the past eight years, if not all my life. Have I done enough to qualify for any of these roles? Who knows? It shouldn't matter to me, and it shouldn't matter to you, whatever you love doing or are doing.

It will never be enough, you will never be enough for yourself. Can we try to make peace with that little gap in ourselves that acts like a vacuum to keep sucking in more and more effort and things? It'll never be filled. That's okay.

*squeezes your hand before letting go* Isn't it amazing how imperfect and fucked up we all are? Isn't it beautiful that we don't have to sit and stare at statues we cannot touch, but we get stone that we can keep carving all we like? That creation starts with imperfection? I don't know if I'm making sense anymore, the medications are kicking in and my eyes are closing. But I love all of you, everyone who is a maggot and everyone reading this post, too.

Take this *holds out a seashell* it's pretty and it's broken and the animal that made it his home changed it, the sea changed it, and I hope you change it, too. That's all.

378 notes · View notes

thegreenthepeacetheorange · 5 months

Text

I decided to write this little Everlark piece, based on this post of mine yesterday:

It happens suddenly. First the thunder, then the rain. It shatters against the roof and the windows, drowning out all other sounds. Peeta grips the back of his chair and his eyes take on that distant look that tells me he’s been transported back to the darker times, back to the Capitol. I sit still, unsure of what to do, staring at his bowl of lamb stew that now sits on our wooden table untouched as little tremors take over his body. What can I do? I want to go over, to wrap my arms around him, but he’s said before that sometimes he just needs time to himself – so I don’t. After half an hour, I’m about to stand up and go around the table to him when he gets up shakily and says he needs some time to himself. He walks away, mumbling something about water and Johanna and screams.

I sit tense in my seat, my own bowl gone cold, and stare at the rain clattering against the window. Peeta had opened the window earlier in the day, to let in some fresh air. Because I’d refused to go out today. Because it had been too difficult to even get out of bed. Until Peeta had scooped me up in his arms and carried me downstairs half an hour ago, despite my weak protests. He said he’d not gone out of his way to get this lamb stew for it to be wasted. Now the rain drips in through the top opening in the window and pools on the ledge. I’m reminded of the rain dripping in through the cave in the first Games. Huddling against Peeta in the sleeping bag, trying to absorb his own warmth into myself as the cave grew colder around us. My inept attempts at flirting with the good-natured boy with those blue eyes that settled and unsettled me. Those kisses that twisted my insides with something warm.

Before I know it, I’m up and moving. Pushing the chairs away from the table, putting our bowls into the little oven to reheat. I muster up all the strength I can to push the table closer to the sofa that sits a few metres away. Once it’s close enough, I grab the blanket off the sofa, draping it over the back of the sofa and the table, creating a sort of canopy, like the one Peeta made to protect me from the rain in the cave. Peeta’s art books prove to be sturdy enough to weigh down the blanket corners on the table to keep it from slipping off. I then strip the sofa of its cushions and carefully place them under the canopy and the table, creating a soft floor we can sit on. More blankets thrown in on top. The lamps from the kitchen counter and outside in the hallway then make their way into my den, casting a soft glow inside.

I’ve just retrieved the bowls from the oven and placed them inside my little makeshift cave when Peeta comes back into the room. He looks weary, tired. Once he sees me bent down under the blanket, the bowls of steaming lamb stew, his face takes on a quizzical look. “What—” “I thought maybe we needed to… escape to our cave for a little while,” I hold out my hand, inviting him to join me. He raises his eyebrows at me, ruffles his hand through his wavy blonde hair before he crouches down and follows me under the canopy. I snuggle in closer to him, throwing one of the blankets over us, and then another one to make sure Peeta’s legs are covered. I carefully place our bowls on our laps.

“Eat up,” I say, looking up into his tired eyes. He gives me a soft smile, the kind that always melts my insides with its warmth, before he picks up his spoon. We eat quietly, listening to the rain pouring down outside. Periodically, Peeta scoops some of the dried plums out of his own bowl and adds them into mine. I accept them with a smile, realising just how hungry I’ve been after a day of staying huddled in my own bed. After we’ve fully emptied our bowls, Peeta reaches up outside our den to place them onto the table above. He settles back inside, stretching out to lie down, his head propped up by cushions. I instinctively lie down next to him, draping my leg over his and resting my head against his chest, feeling its steady rise and fall. His arms tighten around me and I can feel his breath tickling the top of my head as he bends his head down into my hair. “So… how about that kiss?’ I laugh before I make myself rise up enough to see his grinning face, look into those blue eyes that have come back from the distant place to seek out my face. I feel his lips smile against my own as I lean down to kiss him.

#everlark #everlark headcanons #everlark fanfiction #katniss and peeta #peeta x katniss #katniss x peeta #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #thg #the hunger games #i haven't written anything in so long so i'm aware this is not very good but have it anyways

236 notes · View notes

thoughtsforsoob · 4 months

Text

txt - how they show their love

A/n: I know I’m not the only one who thinks about how sweet these boys would be to their s/o :( I need my own heuning kai please. (Ugh I hate myself bc I know guys can be sweet and my last relationship was so terrible :/ I forgot I have standards. If a boy/girl puts you down, you leave them immediately!) anyways, please enjoy okay? Make sure to drink some water and have a yummy snack. Please send requests as well! Requests are open for texts and writing for nct dream, txt, and a few more.

{this one is quite long bc of the bullet point format so I added the "keep reading"on this post!}

soobin

He shows his love in such sweet and subtle ways.

One of these affectionate things he does (that I personally love) is him gaining interest in your hobbies.

He will sit there and watch you do whatever you do with literal heats in his eyes.

Please help, his pupils are actually changing shape. Jkjk.

Anyways, he always asks you questions about your hobbies and will even try them.

also, he likes to be taken care of in a relationship so he shows his love by looking at you with the upmost adoration when you're leading him somewhere, for example

he gives you this lovestruck eyes when you're pulling on his arm through the mall

he loves when you order for him when you go out to eat

you and him are literally the meme where the girl goes up the counter and says "he said no pickles >:(" and he's just standing behind you with a little smirk on his face

yeonjun

He shows his love through providing for you.

He's overall is the embodiment of the word ‘gentleman’.

He always opens the door for you when entering the car.

He holds your hand tight when you two are rushing through the train stations during rush hour.

He also always pays for EVERYTHING.

He gets irked when you try to pull out your card/cash to play for anything. He frowns and gently moves you to the side and he pays.

Afterwards, he sits you down and tells you that he wants to pay and that you should let him because he loves you so so much.

Let him because he will literally cry if you don’t let him pay.

beomgyu

he's just a little silly guy so he show his affection through lots of physical contact and time together.

I say this later on for huening kai but he looooves hanging on you!

he’s like a little monkey

he just likes when you pretend to be annoyed because it makes him feel accomplished (he’s so annoying but I love it 😬)

Also like, calls you at 2 am

“baby I’m outside your apartment please come down”

“Beomgyu where are we going? It’s 2 am?”

“First of all, WHO is Beomgyu? Second of all, we’re going on a walk and there will possibly be snacks if you cooperate”

taehyun

He shows his love by looking after you very closely.

He leaves you daily reminders to take your vitamins, charge your phone/laptop, eat or drink something, etc… he wants to make sure you’re healthy and prepared for the day ahead of you.

He also always makes sure you’re not missing things.

One particular thing he does is restocking your pantry and fridge and also other personal care items.

If he notices you’re running out of your favorite drink, favorite snack, pads/tampons, etc, he will stop at the store to get them for you before heading to your apartment.

He also likes to have sit downs with you at least once a week and talking to you about your week.

He buys fancy masks and your favorite drinks so you two have spend a few hours de-stressing with each other.

heuning kai

He is very into physical affection so he shows his love by hanging on you in public.

Once he get the green light from you, he practically begs his company to let you both go public with your relationship so he can hug you and kiss you in public.

He loves coming up from behind you while you’re waiting for your coffee orders and wrapping his arms around your shoulders. He presses a kiss to the top of your head and tells you he love you sooooo so much.

He also shows his affection through gifts.

Surprise gifts at that.

He loves catching you off guard with anything from stationary to a new designer bag.

He’s a great gift giver because he pays close attention to the things you love.

#txt fluff #txt headcanons #txt imagines #txt reactions #txt x reader #yeonjun x reader #soobin x reader #beomgyu x reader #taehyun x reader #huening kai x reader #tomorrow x together

326 notes · View notes

jinkicake · 1 year

Text

Behind Closed Doors

The demons and how they would love you in secret.

Barbatos, Lucifer, Mammon, Satan x Reader

A/N: All week I’ve been trying to write a Luci hate fic but, I can’t finish long works to save my own life soooooooo.... I wrote this instead :-) maybe one day I’ll post the luci fic... maybe not!

WC - 2.2k

~~~

Barbatos plays his role in a secret relationship a little too well. Much to his dismay, he neglects you most nights anyway due to his job and the tasks that come with it so the only time you spend together is those that are in passing. When Barbatos comes to drop something off, he will spend a few moments holding your hand or running his fingers along your jaw. He’s really good at keeping things hush-hush and could probably do so for the rest of your lives.

“How are you, my dear?”

You’ll never understand how Barbatos finds you in the most hidden places, you could be in a closet underneath the stairs in an old hallway and he could still find you in no time. Today, however, you’re in a far corner of the library. Underneath one of the large open windows, you’re tucked behind a curtain in a comfy chair with some old book in your lap. The book is not open as you decide to play on your phone instead.

With Barbatos now here, you decide that you won’t need the mobile device or the book for entertainment.

“I’m alright, how are you?” You sigh into the demon’s touch as he cups your cheek. The butler stands tall beside you as his gloves tickle your skin.

“Don’t worry about me,” He calls you to sleep as his thumb runs over your cheekbone, gently forcing you to relax with his presence and a bit of magic. “how can I make your day better?” Barbatos would do anything to see that your wants and desires are settled.

“By resting with me,” Barbatos frowns at your wish and brushes his fingers against the underside of your jaw.

“You know that I hate to deny you of anything,” He murmurs while keeping his eyes on the tips of his gloved fingers, the demon watches intensely as he runs the digits along your throat. You tilt your head back slightly, closing your eyes and that causes the demon’s breath to hitch. “I can’t give myself to you just yet.” Barbatos leans forward to place a kiss on the corner of your lips. It’s a peck that lingers as he pauses for a few moments before pulling away and pushing the hair from your face. “Please be patient until tonight,”

At the sound of a creak against the wooden floors, the warm touch against your neck is gone and so is the demon. Barbatos is gone before you can even realize it and you sigh out into the air.

“(Y/N)! What a surprise to see you here!” Diavolo exclaims as he comes across you, his arms are held open wide with two heavy books resting in his hands. “Small world, huh?”

“Lord Diavolo, what are you doing here?” You try to keep your heartbeat under control and your face neutral like you weren’t just partaking in a secret rendezvous with his dear friend.

“Well, I had to find a few books for a dinner I’m hosting this weekend. You’re coming along with Lucifer, correct?” Oh, he must be talking about what Lucifer corned you this morning for. You can never turn down a request from the future king nor can you disappoint Lucifer so you’re often at his castle.

Plus you get to see your boyfriend and that is something you can never reject.

“That reminds me, (Y/N), have you seen Barbatos recently? I can’t seem to find him anywhere and he’s always behind me-”

Beloved Lucifer deep down enjoys a secret relationship. He loves having to sneak around with you and the tension that arises from it all. There’s nothing more that he enjoys than stealing a kiss when no one else is looking or meeting you late in your room when everyone else is asleep. He’s a private demon and likes to keep all of his affairs away from the public, you’re his mortal treasure after all and he is not going to ever share you.

“Let’s head to my room! I finally got my hands on a new limited edition-”

“Huh? I thought we were going to the casino.”

“Isn’t it time for dinner?”

Past the nonstop chatter of Levi, Mammon, and Beel, you find yourself trailing slightly behind the group. The afternoon is still young and bright as your classes have just gotten out for the day and you’re more than ready to unwind and go relax.

Perhaps you’ll jump from social media app to social media app to let your mind completely unravel.

Or maybe you’ll go for a walk and listen to the new album from-

In the midst of your thoughts, a hand grabs your wrist and yanks you into a hidden doorway. A screech leaves your lips but the noise is quickly muffled by the demon’s other hand.

“(Y/N)?” Mammon’s voice calls out to you, drowned out from the other side of the door and it is followed by a parroted call of your name from his brothers.

“Maybe they went to the kitchen.” Beel murmurs and you roll your eyes at the sound of his retreading footsteps.

“Maybe they headed to my room early!” Levi is quick to leave right after Beel and only Mammon waits a few moments behind to look things over.

“Ah, stupid human.”

The touch from before comes back stronger now as large palms rest over your shoulders. You recognize this comforting feeling anywhere and lean back into Lucifer’s chest.

“Hello, my love,” Lucifer quietly coos into your ear, squeezing you in his hold for extra emphasis. In his touch, you nearly melt. “how was your day?” “Tiring,” You huff and let your eyes flutter shut under exhaustion.

“Mhm, would you like to come with me?” At Lucifer’s question, you can’t help but peek an eye open to look back at him. The kind smile resting on his face has you nodding in agreement before you can even think about it.

Lucifer leans forward before dipping his head and lowering his face, he ghosts his lips over yours as a point to build anticipation before gently kissing you. For a moment, all that exists are his lips pressed against yours. You just can’t help but kiss back, and at the pressure you enforce, Lucifer cups your jaw. He holds you still while working his lips passionately, pecking you a few times before pulling away just to tease you.

The demon laughs at your pout, he laughs.

Lucifer turns you around in his arms before bending over to kiss you once again. He presses you up against the closet door with one of his hands resting firmly around your waist while the other braces his weight against the door.

He could spend all afternoon kissing you, loving you.

“I’m taking you to my room,” Lucifer murmurs against your lips then briefly licks at the corner of your mouth. You can’t think of any reason why you would ever deny him of this. “tonight will be for you.”

Mammon is greedy. He wants nothing more than to brag about you and show off his relationship to every single person that will listen. Considering Mammon, he would even tell people that wouldn’t listen. It’s no surprise that he grows a little antsy about your ‘secret relationship’ and a bit insecure in himself. Why don’t you want to share him with the world too? Isn’t he as special to you as you are to him?

“Belphie thinks I’m seeing you,” You randomly tell Mammon one afternoon, you’re relaxing on his bed with your upper half hanging off the mattress. The demon sitting beside you on the floor scoffs in response. “it has something to do with the fact that I’m always in your room.” You push yourself up and move to lay on your stomach, you’re now staring at Mammon with your chin resting on the tops of your hands. “Are we being too obvious?”

“Eh? Who cares,” Mammon’s half-assed response does not please you in the slightest, nor does his habit of scrolling through his phone while talking to you. “you’re the one who wants to keep this hidden.”

“With good reason!” You argue back and it’s passionate enough that Mammon glances over his shoulder back at you for a split second. The demon shakes his head in annoyance before looking back at his screen. “It’s only for a bit longer-”

“You’ve been saying that for three months,” The dejection in his voice would have been a lot clearly had you been facing him head-on. You can’t help but sigh. “why can’t we tell anyone?”

“Maybe because you’re a demon and I’m a human,” As you start to poke his cheek, Mammon swats at your hand.

“So?” He doesn’t really get you, it’s not like there are any rules saying that the two of you can’t date.

“And I just like keeping you to myself, I don’t want to share.” Mammon knows you are trying to distract him with your touch, it’s the only reason you’re acting so clingy. He tries to remain as stiff as possible when you wrap your arms around his shoulders but, Mammon can only fake irritation towards you for so long. With a sigh, he falls relaxes against you and tilts his head back to rest on the top of his bed.

“One day I’m going to tell everyone,” He pouts, eyes casted elsewhere in the room. Mammon can’t look at you right now, not with the blush on his face. “they’re all going to know.”

You have to tease him.

“Know what?” Mammon short circuits at your question, he glances at you through his slow blinks before staring back up at the ceiling.

“That we’re- That I-” He fumbles over his words, choking on them as he tries to express himself verbally in any way possible.

“That you?” You push, cooing against his jaw as you press your cheek against his own. The hold you have him in tightens and you can’t help hugging your squishy demon. “That you like me?”

“I-I would never say something so lame,” Mammon sputters and tries to hide his bright red blush beneath his white hair.

“That you love me?” At this, Mammon pauses and brings his hands up to hold your own.

“Something like that,”

Despite being a rather reserved person, Satan would not like to be hidden in the shadows. At first, he may have enjoyed the idea of a secret relationship. He likes the mystery that comes with it, almost as if it was plucked straight out of one of his favorite books. But, over time, he will begin to dislike it. The demon doesn’t care who knows about your relationship and, much like his older brother, would love to parade your beauty for the worlds to see.

“Must you keep me hidden away as if I’m some dirty secret?” Satan scowls at you despite your best efforts to push him into your bathroom. Everything was fine between the two of you until somebody knocked at your door.

“I’m sorry, it’ll be quick, I promise!” Your whispered promises don’t make the demon feel any better as he rolls his eyes and hides behind your shower curtain. Mentally, you pray that Satan did a good job at hiding himself before you open your door and greet Lucifer with a smile.

“(Y/N),” The older demon dips his head slightly and offers you a small smile.

“Lucifer, is something wrong?” You nervously grip the edge of your door and hide half of your body behind the large piece of wood. The quicker this interaction ends, the better.

“I just needed to make sure you are aware of the schedule change for tomorrow. We are meeting for the council meeting at one instead of three.”

Satan contemplates turning on the shower to drown himself so then he won’t have to hear any more of Lucifer’s voice. It’s bad enough that you’re shutting him out, he doesn’t need to be tortured by the other demon too.

“Lord Diavolo texted me about it, but, thank you for reminding me.” The fourth-born can see the sweet smile on your face and the kindness that you give to everyone, it makes him want to scoff. Why must you be polite to Lucifer? Has he taught you nothing?

“You’re welcome. That is all-” Lucifer turns to head out, literally on his heel but then he pauses at the clattering noise coming from inside your room. “Is everything alright in your bathroom?”

“Oh!” You protectively stand in front of your doorway to prevent the demon from exploring your room further. “Everything is fine, why?” Until you can push Lucifer out, you plan to feign ignorance.

“Rumor has it that Levi’s rats got out so just keep your eye out for them. Please do not harm the creatures.” Lucifer looks you over once more, eyes narrowed in suspicion before he ultimately turns away. He begins to leave after nodding goodbye to you and you think that you might just be in the clear. But, the demon stops and glances at you over his shoulder. His voice is now extremely low. “Do tell Satan ‘hello’ for me.”

Your mind is blank as you watch the demon walk away, and as you close your bedroom door and lock it, even as you pull Satan out from your bathroom and then head straight for your bed.

“He’s got a seventh sense or something,” You can’t help but part your lips in shock, Lucifer truly is something. “besides, why did you knock something over?!”

“It just slipped,” Satan shrugs but, with the charming smile on his face, you know the act was 100% intentional. “oh, don’t get upset with me, (Y/N). I’ll make it up to you.”

#Barbatos x reader #Lucifer x reader #mammon x reader #satan x reader #obey me x reader #obey me barbatos #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me x you #obey me x y/n #I love mammon

1K notes · View notes

ilys00ga · 4 months

Text

life after his enlistment.

pairing: yoongi x reader

synopsis: how life/the relationship was like after he enlisted.

genre: fluff, established relationship, yoongi enlisted, they are trying their best, idk if I should call it angst or hurt/comfort, but there's some kind of ✨️melancholy✨️ in this (predictable much), I effing miss him sm more now :(.

warnings: t.w: if u are just like me, prepare to be missing yoongi sickeningly after this. gosh, it feels like a hole in a chest rn. idk what to do w myself. oh btw some ideas mentioned here are purely my own opinions, so it doesn't have to be "facts" or "all true." if u have different opinions or if u disagree with any it u can reach out to me about them, I would like that, but that's that, enjoy!!!!!!!!!

A/N: this was a request made by @kimvante2013 I hope it meets ur expectations! this was so fun to write, I liked this a lot. feel free to send more reqs or anything u want :)

PS. English is not my first language, so you know the drill.

ᵎᵎ 𖦹彡⋆｡˚・ ─ ・ ⋯ ・ ─ ⊹ ♡₊˚๑

the problem wasn't that you couldn't see him, no.

since his duty was different from that of an ordinary individual, you both were able to spend the nights in each other's arms.

when he comes back home after duty, sometimes he's met with an empty house where he'd wash up and start preparing something for you to enjoy munching on once you get back home at a later hour of the day. other times, he comes to a busy, warm house. you blasting your favorite drama on the TV while doing the laundry in the middle of the living room, or just chilling and waiting to welcome him with mellow hugs and kisses.

and when he's on duty, he can't always contact you, but he whispered kisses laced with promises into your lips before leaving on his first day, and he would never dare to break them. not that he wants to anyway.

sometimes you'd wake up to post-it notes sticked on random surfaces and items around the house, or good morning messages of love and kisses. sometimes he calls during lunch breaks to check up on you, reminding you to drink water and eat well because that's yoongi's most precious habit of showing that he always just cares.

"don't forget to layer your outfit today, I just saw that it's gonna be awfully cold."

"did you like the bouquet I sent? want more? cook me ___ tonight xx"

"hi, don't forget to drink a cup of water right this instance or you'll shrivel up and die."

"it snowed on my way here this morning, let's go out this weekend and have some fun :]"

when days are too hard to handle, weighing one of you—maybe even both of you at the same time, cause life is a bitch like that—down and burying you under the ground, you'd send long voice messages to the other. never expecting an immediate reply. just simply pressing record and spilling all the bottled negative energy that clogged your brains and chests.

so, the problem wasn't really that you couldn't see or talk to him..

the problem was that neither of you were used to any of that.

you weren't used to being away from each other for long hours throughout the day (even though he often went on tours and job events aboard), or not being able to talk and/or see him whenever you wanted to—atleast whenever your shift agreed to let you. you're stuck on this routine for months. you were so not used to that.

over the years, you and yoongi grew to become a pen and a paper: two different items that are meant to only function and be paired together. one can't be capable without the other.

yet you try to avail yourselves of the situation and take it all easy. slowly, like waking up and leaving a warm, comfy bed at 5 in the morning to gain some purpose somewhere out there.

so, while staying away from one another for several hours a day comes with heavy challenges and even melancholy at times, that doesn't mean it can't be fruitful for your relationship.

since for it to grow healthier, a couple, intentionally or not, sometimes needs to take some "time off" to preserve the connection and intimacy between them.

you always remind yoongi of how much you had missed him during the day, which is something that never failed to put a smile on his face and trigger a stream of butterflies in his stomach.

love and yearning are two inseparable powerful emotions that one can't defeat, and absence makes the heart grow fonder. that's the beauty of the challenge your relationship was subject to at this new stage.

"I am still me, you are still you. everything's gonna be alright." yoongi would say as he hugs your face into his chest.

he always reminds you that this new chapter the two of you have entered together, hand in hand and with shaking hearts, is one that he'd been dreading but looking forward to for a very long time.

a chapter that made him understand how much he needs your existence in his life. to be himself and to be the somebody you need and deserve.

and he makes sure to translate that into your skin as he traces it with his lips and fingertips when you finally fall into each other's embrace.

#yoongi #bts #yoongi scenarios #yoongi drabble #yoongi fluff #yoongi x reader #bts scenarios #agustd #yoongi angst #min yoongi #bts imagines #bts fic #bts army #bts yoongi #bts enlistment

320 notes · View notes

everlastlady · 6 months

Text

Bloody Legend: Mammon X Reader 2

───────────────────✦─────────────────────

✰- Author's Note: Writer's block sucks, I'm going to try and write then jump back to request. Because so many request in my inbox. I can say my love for helluva boss is slowly coming back especially thanks to that new episode. Also I made a Mammon bot on character ai, so if you want that link just let me know. I hope that you guys enjoy part 2 of this Bloody Legend. Remember to eat a meal or a snack, drink some water, get some fresh air, take your medicine, and remember that you are loved. If you loved this story remember to comment, click or tap that heart button, reblog with tags, and blaze if you can. Always remember to support your local writers. ♡♡♡

✰- Word Count: None because I'm writing this on mobile app and not my laptop, yes yes boo and throw tomatoes at me.

✰- Story Contains: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Controlling Mammon, Striker, Verosika, Alastor, Guilt Tripping, Mental Breakdown, & Hitting In The Feels. Basing The Reader's Panic Attacks Off My Own.

✰- Posted: 10/31/2023

✰- Part 1

───────────────────✦─────────────────────

" Are you happy and doing okay working for Mammon? " Striker looked at. You looked away from the western man before taking a deep breathe and letting out a off laughter. " Of course! Mammon is the best, he saved me from that shit hole comedy club in Wrath. He has giving me everything I needed to take care of me and my mom. " You said. Striker again could see pure bullshit through your words. " Hm, and you choose to go up on stage looking like your own on death's door step? " He asked pointing towards the mirror. You truly did look exhausted and tired. From training day and night to be perfect for Mammon and your fans. You didn't know what to say, Striker was more intimidating then Mammon. You dug your nails into the palm of your hand. " I'm fine! What are you a doctor, you look more like some wannabe cowboy! " You yelled at him while standing up. Striker stepped back hissing as his tail rattled. But he couldn't hit you or yell back no, he could tell you weren't doing right from how you reacted, he could tell that you were upset with your outburst.

" I'm sorry... " You said. You turned and looked in the mirror and saw nothing ... You saw nothing. " I have to be my best, no breaks. I have to keep trying because if I don't then I'm not but a disappointment to Mammon, my mom, my fans, and especially myself. If I don't keep pushing and remind myself to do my best. Then I'm just worthless and lazy. I have to keep pushing through no matter how tired I become. " You said while hugging yourself and sobbing. " I have to, I have to, I have to. " You continued to tremble and sob. Striker stood there looking at you. How his heart broke for you. " Hey... " Striker stepped forward and pulled your arms away. He guided you towards the couch and sat you down. Placing the blanket over you. " Pushing yourself isn't always great, just because people love your work doesn't mean you need to over work yourself. You should sacrifice your happiness for that green blob and those people especially those creeps I saw jacking it underneath the table. Striker shivered thinking about it.

" You can still love doing something but you should also take breaks until you feel like it's okay to jump back into it. I understand that the rich and powerful can give us everything we need. But in reality we don't need them, because they don't make us or what we do any better. I'm sure you could have gotten out of that comedy club yourself, I understand you love your mom and you can continue to support her without Mammon. " Striker grabbed a water bottle off the table and handed it to you as he wiped away your tears. " Here drink up. " He said. You smiled weakly, and opened the water taking a few sips before setting it down. Striker pulled out a piece of chocolate from his pocket and opened it; when he offered you a piece, you shook your head. " No, thanks, Mammon has me on this diet he said I need to watch my weight so that the sex dolls sell. " You said looking down. Striker almost dropped the chocolate and shook his head in disgust. " Just take the chocolate, darlin, he won't notice he's one to talk about laying off food. " Striker placed the chocolate in your hand.

You laughed and took the chocolate. You enjoyed the sweet treat, how delicious it was. Striker was right, you were sure Mammon won't notice so you ate some more chocolate. Striker watched you from the corner of his eyes and smiled seeing you happily eat away at the chocolate. " I really appreciate you some how sneaking into my dressing room. " Well pumpkin, I'm a assassin so getting pass security and sneaking into places is something I've been doing for a long time. " Striker said. Your eyes lit up. " An assassin? " You titled your head and were curious about something. " Do you work for that one company i. m.p ? " You asked. Striker rolled his eyes. " Pfft no, I don't work for that shit company, I'd rather wipe my ass with sandpaper before having to work with that Royal demon's pet and two vermin. I don't have an issue with the hellhound... yet, I actually hate that company, so if you ever want or need a real assassin then call me. " Striker pulled out a white card that had his name and number it also said " don't call on holidays or after 9pm "

You nodded and put the card in your bag. The door opened expecting the hellhounds or Mammon. It was actually Verosika.... and Mammon. " There you are babe, I was looking for you. Alright let's go me and Mammon finished talking. " Verosika sounded annoyed and tired. But her tone changed when she saw you. " (Y/N), I love your performance tonight. I can't wait to work with you on Friday. Shopping will be fun tomorrow and I booked us a spa appointment. " She said smiling. " Thank you that sounds nice. " You said. Striker looked like an angry cat while staring at Mammon who spotted the chocolate wrapper. " (Y/N) you weren't indulging in sweets because you know that we have a strict diet for you. " He said while picking up the wrapper. You were going to apologize but Striker snatched the wrapper from Mammon. " It's mine... " Striker said and placed the wrapper in his pocket. " Diet? " Verosika looked at you and then at Mammon. " Yeah! (Y/N) is on a strict diet to help the sex dolls, autographs, and everything else sell, yoi should try Ms. Mayday it works wonders! " Mammon said while laughing. Striker's eye twitched as he reached for his knife but Verosika stopped him as she laughed while holding back her anger. " Well me and Striker should be going, goodnight to you both. " Verosika said while leaving with Striker.

" I'm glad those two are gone Verosika Mayday isn't too great but she will help with your image! Also I don't like how you were alone with that imp fella, you two didn't do anything.... right? " Mammon stared at you with a dark look his eyes his voice cold. You quickly nodded your head. " He was just asking if there was any positions for security guard because he's a highly trained assassin. " You said stumbling over your words. Mammon's dark expression returned to that cheerful one. " Oh! Great! Highly trained assassin those cost money and by the looks of him, he looks like he charges a lot greedy bastard. I'm sure you are fine with the hellhounds I got you, now let's go have you sign some autographs and show these people that you are a bloody legend! " Mammon said picking you up so that you could fix you up. He always enjoyed dolling you up and being able to make you look your best even your outfits were green like his or white sometimes. Sometimes gossip reports assume that you two are a couple which Mammon didn't mind. Honestly he could see himself dating you and eventually even marrying, oh how he started to daydream about the wedding. " I do~ " He sighed softly. " I do what ? " You asked as Mammon did your make-up. " I-I do think we should charge extra double for a photo and autographs! " He said and looked away. Yes he was definitely going to marry you, and maybe then you won't be able to quit or leave him.

As you walked out of the dressing room behind Mammon. You were in deep thought about what Striker said earlier, maybe he was right but you couldn't tell this to Mammon, you were in deep thought that you accidentally bumped into someone. " sorry! " You said stepping back. " That's quite alright, don't apologize dear. " Said a static like voice. You turned around to see the radio demon Alastor. " Alastor. " You softly said. You never really talked with him. Alastor large yellow toothy grin spreads across his face. " The one and only, do you want to talk perhaps make a deal. " He said offering your hand. Before you could talk. Mammon pulled you away. " (Y/N) stay away from him. " Mammon said. The two of you walk away but when you look back, Alastor stared at you while grinning.

───────────────────✦─────────────────────

Hope that you guys enjoyed part 2 don't worry there will be a part 3 with Verosika and Striker trying to help the reader. Maybe I'll include Alastor but he won't play a major role, he's just here for fun because I love him.

#helluva boss #hazbin hotel #helluva striker #helluva mammon #helluva mammon x reader #helluva verosika #helluva season 2 #helluva fanfiction #helluva fandom #helluva x reader #helluva x gn reader #hazbin alastor #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction #fandom #everlasting writes🪻#bloody legend

212 notes · View notes

winndycakes · 29 days

Text

I did not wish to make this, I do not wish to bring bad light to others, so I am doing everything I can in this statement to keep it as vague as possible to grant others the same privacy I should have. But because my privacy was not respected I have no choice but to come forward with this.

If you know what I am talking about, then this is my side of things. If you don't know what I am talking about, then please move on.

(Also to note, I realize what day I am posting this on. This is absolutely NOT a joke.)

To preface this. My dad died suddenly Feb 26th. I cannot begin to detail what it feels like to lose him, after I've lost many others, to try and handle my emotions and grief while also handling the logistics of his belongings and estate, all this while having to write this on top of it. If I come across as intense, this is why.

I was in a discord server when it first opened. I dedicated a lot of time, energy, art and passion to it. I was even a mod at one point but stepped down due to my own reasons.

While there, we had an anonymous survey posted to gather information from the community about the server, what we could do to improve, what was liked and so on. Instead, some used it as a means to anonymously complain about members. I was a target of these complaints.

A quick note. This server was made within a community that has suffered MANY hardships due to anons. Keep this in mind.

One of the rules is that if you have a personal grievance with another member, to try to resolve it through DMs before coming to a mod or to even send in a ticket.

I must be clear; I was NEVER DMed by anyone how I made them uncomfortable. Not once. Nor were these complaints directly messaged to the mods. This was all through the survey (I will touch up more on this later).

I and other staff/mods that used to be on the team suggested we remove the anonymity. It's too risky for it to be abused, because as noted earlier, this community has suffered a lot through abuse from anons. This suggestion was ignored.

Now, I suppose I should say what the complaints were about. I was told I made others uncomfortable due to, and I am paraphrasing here; "talking over others, redirecting conversations back to myself and my ocs, and making too many jokes and insults about characters."

I will also say. I am autistic. What was mentioned are signs of someone with autism. My dad was autistic. I do not bring this up to deflect or excuse anything, merely to give further context.

I want to explain a bit of my process when I interact with others, in this case especially pertaining to an online space.

When I am talking with someone, anyone, I try to be as inclusive and welcoming as I can be. Saying hello, how they’re doing, that sort of thing. But a conversation is a two way street. If I don’t get a reply or any sort of means to keep the conversation going, I move on. That’s just… how talking goes. I can get very passionate in talking to folks, especially friends and things in line with my interests. It’s hard for me to notice if folks are uncomfortable in person, online it is impossible to tell. I need people to tell me directly if I am doing something uncomfortable and what it is, and if I can fix it.

My process for ocs is this: I see someone talking about their oc, they say something that reminds me of one of mine, then I share my oc. This is not to direct the conversation to me, but to share in it, it is in conjunction. I want to learn more of yours and I do that best by sharing mine. I cannot know if this isn't what you want if I am not told. And I wasn't.

I like to make jokes about characters, analyze them, critique them. I try to do this in a way that makes it clear this isn't an insult to those who like the character(s). But again, I need to be told directly by someone if I need to stop or tone it down. I would only be told sparingly by folks, and when I would, of course I'd stop, do my best to tone it down. But again, I was rarely told directly by people.

What is being described as my crimes are simply the experience of being autistic.

I cannot control it. I cannot stop it. I try to be as inclusive, warm and welcoming to all I come across. You do not HAVE to like me. But if you don't, just ignore me. You HAVE to learn to ignore people who you just… don't like. You have to learn to ignore pet peeves or to reasonably talk to the person. That's life.

So, when I received the above message, I was furious. I was at my dad’s apartment, cleaning out his stuff, and dealing with some harrowing emotions when I got this. I responded that getting this was extremely poor timing and yes, I was angry. But the one who sent this KNEW my dad died. They had seen me post about it, they acknowledged it, and still decided to message me. Who wouldn’t be angry?

Because of what I had been messaged, and the timing, I had decided to go to the owner of the server. I did not feel like it was appropriate for a mod, any mod, to message me about something that is a personal issue that folks should have messaged me themselves (and again, it is listed in the rules that things SHOULD be talked out privately between members before a mod gets involved), in a time that has been hell on earth for me.

I explained to the server owner what all happened with my feelings on the matter. I said that regardless, I would leave the server, because this was something that no one, absolutely no one, should experience. I requested for anything I contributed to the server to be removed, for I no longer felt comfortable for folks to use my art who could be the very same ones pettily using an anonymous survey to speak ill of me. So I sent my message, waited, and got a response.

I do not have anything against the server owner, but there are a few things that I must address with their response as well, because some are factually incorrect. There is full admittance to the complaints received through the anonymous survey, most recently at that. This goes counter to the rules stated that members should resolve private disputes amongst themselves first. (Again please note the screenshots of the rules.)

While perhaps not all of the mods knew of my dad’s passing, but enough DID that they should have known better. I posted briefly in the server in a slow thread so it could be better seen by people, including the mods. I had posted on tumblr as well. But the claim is no one saw it.

Again. This is just not true. Look to the above screenshots.

I do not have a screenshot of when I had sent the message initially in the server of my dad’s passing (I apologize for this), but the point being is that people knew. Another member messaged me in DMs to give their condolences. While I am and have been open about his passing, I also tried my best to not talk too much about it in the server as to bring down the mood, and I sought out the server and talked there as a source of comfort. Saying this was not clear to anyone, is false.

Now, I am sorry that I made people uncomfortable, it was never my intention to, and I will take fault in that. That isn’t what I mean to address in all this. The issue is; if people were uncomfortable, they needed to follow the rules and come to me DIRECTLY stating such, NOT give these complaints through an anonymous survey. And that I should NOT have been told during such an awful period. How can I take this at face value when I am not offered the same?

I wish to point out as well, why I kept bringing up the anonymous survey, and to bring back a note I made earlier.

There is a great deal of falsehood in using an anonymous survey to gather information, when this community has experienced a lot of hardship from anons. I have seen many people torn down and even chased out of this community and others because of people hiding behind anon. Creators, fans, and yes members, mods and even the server owner have all been victim to negativity from anons.

Now, I also must bring attention to this.

This is a screenshot I was sent of another mod posting, after I left. This is ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY. This is why I feel the need to make this statement. Giving details like this is completely unnecessary, and with this said after I left is unacceptable.

I am sorry to be redundant, but I truly am sorry if I ever did make people uncomfortable. All I wanted to do was to make friends and share in the joy in creating art and characters with others. To share space in a community with something I truly found enjoyable. It’s why I’d get enthusiastic whenever OC’s were brought up and I’d share mine. I also wanted to share joy in the topic of the server, and yes some of that for me IS making jokes about characters or even giving critique.

I am not saying any of this to bad mouth or slander anyone. I say all of this to express my side of things. Someone who is grieving the loss of their dad, and so many others who came before him that are making me remember now because of his passing.

#winndy serious

102 notes · View notes

412foryou · 1 month

Text

The last one.

“bless your heart, make you part of my life forever. and always.”

₊˚ pairing– sunwoo x gn!reader

₊˚ genre– hurt/comfort, fluff, friends to lovers.

₊˚ overview– sunwoo comforts you after an unpleasant event. you go for a drive in his car, in the sunset. a confession at the beach. kissing.

₊˚ word count– 3k

₊˚ warnings– depictions of feelings of anxiety/social anxiety and loneliness; self-conscious, depressive thoughts.

₊˚ notes– I'm finally giving this a try! I'm super excited to write on here!! the beautiful pictures sunwoo posted on ig made me think of the idea for this fic. I got inspired to write it while I was feeling really down myself, and even though it's pretty specific, I felt like I could share it here, in hopes that this might comfort anyone else who needs it. it took me a week to finish this, but I enjoyed every moment of it. note that this is my first fic in a while, so please be kind. I'd love to hear what you think about it!! and btw! stuff in italics is for the reader's thoughts.

like & reblog if you enjoy please <3

♪₊˚ song— tejano blue by cigarettes after s*x.

it's so loud.

you can hear the noisy chatter of the people in your group, bantering and laughing out loud.

what are they laughing so much about? are they laughing about.. about me?

you sink in your seat, hands in pockets, body slumping even more than before, aiming to merge with the chair. your eyebrows set low, unknowingly glaring at the group.

"hey, you okay?" one of them calls out, making you perk up, but you know it isn't a genuine question, so you lower your eyes, nodding briefly.

a scoff. "it's no use talking to them, they're not gonna answer you." another voice retorts, clearly tipsy. you try to pay it no mind.

it was fine before, they didn't care much. why now?

but before you can come up with an answer to your own question, your thoughts are interrupted with laughter, even louder this time.

they're laughing at me.

the discomfort that gradually began setting in since you first stepped into the building, was about to overflow. so you go to stand up and leave, while your mind imagines the remarks they could be throwing at you.

"leaving already? so boring."

"they're so weird"

"wow, that's one scary kid."

"not worth our time."

"yeah, you better leave."

real or not, it didn't make much of a difference for you. you still cared, it still bothered you, no matter how miserable that might sound. the non-spoken words sharp and piercing, biting at your skin. you brushed both of your arms up and down roughly to rid your mind of the thoughts.

it burns.

so much for trying to socialize.

you awkwardly squeeze through people crowded in groups outside, keeping your eyes on the ground, paying no mind to where you're headed.

you just need to get away from there, as far as possible, and quickly. you don't even check your surroundings, as your legs seem to be taking charge right now, shaking but not able to stop moving ahead.

I'm so embarrassing. I'm just so...

you're continuously reminded of what happened at the bar, the image seemingly stuck in your brain. the mocking laughter replaying over and over, taunting you, leaving no choice but to think about it.

why can't I just do it the way they can, what is wrong with me?

they all seem to like it.

why doesn't it come naturally to me too?

why do I have to force myself?

you walk with your head down, trying to hold in your tears. you knew this wouldn't end well, you didn't expect anything from it, and yet,

I'm pathetic. I'm disgusting. and I'm miserable.

I knew this wasn't a good idea, why did I even..

they all probably hate me now. the way I am.

I feel so sorry for myself-

there's a halt in you thoughts, as in your steps. you notice you've bumped shoulders with someone.

wait- what am I doing, where am I?

you frantically take a look around, only to find yourself in an unfamiliar place, yet again, the anxiety sets in. you have no way of telling where you are.

the sun will set soon, too. shit-

you walk around in hopes to find a way to get back to your place, maybe think of something. but, you remember-

sunwoo has my location! yes. he'll help.

you mentally thank yourself for thinking of that, taking your phone out to text your friend.

"changed my mind, come get me."

the reply is almost instantaneous, as it always is whenever it's sunwoo you're texting.

"be there in 10. stay where you are."

a sigh of relief escapes through your lips, your shoulders feeling lighter, knowing you'll be on your way soon. but you still need to-

I have to go back to that place.

reluctantly making your way back to the bar, you linger nearby, just so sunwoo can find you, but not close enough to be spotted by anyone else. pulling your hood up, you put your hands in your pockets, shifting back and forth, unable to stay still.

it's fine. it's alright now. it's over. he'll be here soon. I'm okay..

letting a big puff of air out, you try to steady your stance, your breath shaky. you lean your elbows on the railing in front of some shop, as the light from inside gives you shelter from the darkness of the street.

I wish I didn't have to be like this.

you tuck your head into your arms.

this always happens, I don't know why I thought this time would be different.

I should've never come.

I'm shameful.

I'm ashamed!

regardless of your efforts to hold back, you still feel a single stubborn tear touch your skin, staining your sleeves. a sniffle. you can't be crying like this outside,

but I've already embarrassed myself anyway.

another involuntary sniffle, and a tear on the other side of your face. it's gotten colder. a warm hand on your shoulder.

frightened, your head springs up, your eyes frantically searching for the person the hand belongs to. your body slackens in his grip. thank god. the hand on your shoulder moves to stroke your back.

"I'm here." a gentle smile.

you feel the tear streaks drying on the sides of your face in the light breeze as you look back at sunwoo. you're so drained that you feel as though you've lost the ability to form words, so you can only hope your eyes are able to relay your thoughts to him.

I'm exhausted.

sunwoo's gaze shifts between your eyes trying to gauge anything that hints at your mood. his other hand comes up to wipe your cheekbone. and it stays there, holding the side of your face.

a quiet gasp. "you're freezing! I should've been quicker. I'm sorry." he retracts his hand on your cheek. the one still on your back guides you in a certain direction, your body completely relaxed and yielding in his hold. you're safe now, sunwoo knows what to do. you know to trust him.

before you know it you feel warm again. even though the roof of sunwoo's cabriolet is folded, even though it's even colder now, even though the breeze blows rougher. the warmth seems to be spreading from within, a feeling, your heartbeat slow and steady. sunwoo buckles your seatbelt for you and closes the door.

don't go.

he rounds the vehicle to get in his seat on the other side. you knew he wouldn't leave, but

still..

"I'll pull the roof back up in a minute." he has taken off his jacket and it's now spread over your lap. "I didn't know it'd get this cold, should've thought to fix it before coming to get you." he halts his movements when he feels your hand on his arm.

I want to feel the breeze.

"you want me to leave it?" a mild nod from you, eyes downturned. he gazes back at you, eyebrows furrowed. "okay... but put the jacket on properly, the breeze is strong."

when you don't make a move to comply as he instructed, he leans over and carefully adjusts the jacket so that it covers more of you, giving you a sliver of a smile.

soon enough the blow of the wind picks up as sunwoo starts driving. you lean your head back, resting it on the headrest. the bitter gusts of wind crash into your face, turning it red, keeping you awake. you can feel the frigid air burning your skin, soothing your body. your eyelids drop to focus on the feeling as you take in a deep breath.

that feels nice.

I can breathe again.

you open your eyes and look out the window. the city lights are harsh and bright, dazzling you, making you squint, your view of them softening.

"are you cold?" asks sunwoo in a low voice. yes. but it feels good. slowly tilting your head, you face him, beyond him a glimpse of the beach.

your gaze fixes on sunwoo, eyes listless. only now taking notice of his appearance. laid back in the seat, his arm rests on the door, the other one gripping the wheel. arms bare, your eyes linger. soon enough they shift to look at his dark hair flying around with the wind. thick eyebrows set firm in concentration. eyes half lidded, but alert. you can still see the restlessness in them. he keeps stealing sideway glances at you, eager to grasp your thoughts. you pay it no mind, because..

he's so beautiful.

and most of all, his skin is glowing golden even in the dark, now illuminated scarlet as you stop at a red light. he turns his head toward you "hmm?"

ah,

you forgot he'd asked a question. that snaps you out of your dazed state effectively. blinking rapidly to rid your eyes of the haze.

shit, I got distracted.

clearing your throat, your voice raspy, "sorry. no, I'm not cold." you fidget with the sleeves of your hoodie. you hear him sigh softly. he's facing ahead again, the light green. "you.. okay?" you can hear the concern in his voice and your heart swells.

"yeah, I'm good." averting your eyes from his face, feeling sheepish.

your response doesn't seem to ease his worry, "you can talk to me, you know I don't mind. I'll listen." his words so gentle, you barely hear them.

he's so kind to me.

your eyes shift to your lap. sunwoo's jacket has slid down, and you can see your fingers picking at the skin on your hands.

why... does he treat me like this?

when other people seem to have given up on me completely?

he's too kind.

"I..." you try to form an intelligible sentence. an exhale- "I'm alright. I'm just fine.. if you're with me." you try not to look over at him. "everything sort of.. feels okay when you're here." you breathe deep, in and out. voice trembling. "I just want you to know that.. I'm thankful- for everything you do for me. even though, I don't get why you do this... I know I can be... difficult. to understand, and to talk to most of the time. I guess I'm grateful that you try. and that you've kept me with you despite.. that, I don't give anything in return. and I'm sorry." you trail off, tears welling in your eyes. "anyway, just thank you." you finish with a sniffle.

sunwoo is quiet. you're too afraid to meet eyes with him, so you keep your head down.

why isn't he saying anything?

did I make him uncomfortable?

you wipe your nose with a sleeve. another awkward sniff.

should've just stayed quiet. it wasn't even that serious..

I'm sorry for being like this.

however, before your mind can make your grey thoughts into a whirlpool and suck you in, you see colors seep into the darkness. you look up in surprise and find the source. the now setting sun seems to be casting the purple-pink light on the waves just before you.

"it has never once felt like that to me." you turn your head, the beams reaching his face too, making you stare. he's looking ahead.

"our.. friendship. I have never thought of it as a chore, a challenge- maybe. because we're so different from each other, there's a lot to consider. but.." he shakes his head, lowering it, "oh my god- I always thought of this-" he gestures between the two of you. "as something precious, something I needed to protect. if anything, it felt like it was you keeping me close." he brings his head back up but still doesn't glance your way.

...what?

eyebrows furrowed in deep confusion you question, "you.. but, why? there's nothing I have to offer, I mean.." he brings his head back up, concern evident in the way he looks at you. you avoid his eyes, bashful. "you're.. you're so ordinary. you know.. you can befriend anyone, do anything you want.. you're likable, and I don't know.. I'm- I'm just me. and I can barely take being alive, at least..." you sigh shakily, it's so hard to talk about this. "but that was before, now I don't think it's all that bad. and it's all because you came into my life." you didn't even notice you'd started to cry, until you felt sunwoo's thumb on your face, wiping the tears away. you let him, eyes glazed over.

he makes this even more difficult than it already is.

he retracts his hand. you shift your eyes once more. "you know, whenever I think of myself, I'm always out of place. nothing comes naturally to me, like it does with others, and it- it's so frustrating... it's lonely. and it makes me hate myself. but.. weirdly enough, all it took for me to feel at least a little bit normal, was one person who understood me. who listened to me. you're my link to the rest of the world, the only thing that keeps my feet on the ground. I- I really don't know where I would be right now, if you weren't by my side." you feel more silent tears escape.

my whole existence is disgraceful.

but I don't regret this, he has to know how much he means to me.

"I know it's selfish as well, that I wish for you to stay here forever. but.. truly, you're the sole good thing in my life." you've never felt so exposed and vulnerable before, putting your heart on display, right in front of sunwoo.

"it isn't, selfish- I mean." he catches you off guard, so you turn to look. you notice colors dimming on his face, the sunset imminent. he's got a warm expression on his face, one full of tenderness. "well if it is, then I must be selfish too. because I can never imagine my life without you in it either." he leans over, resting his elbow on the armrest in-between your seats. "it honestly breaks my heart that you think that way about yourself, I wish I could take those feelings away from you.." he reaches over with his other hand and takes your hood off. "I don't know how much I'll be able to help, but I can promise that I'll always try to. I'll be here, whenever you need me." his gaze shifts to the top of your head briefly, patting your hair into place. "and I need you with me, just as much. so, don't ever think like that, okay?"

you should've known better than to doubt sunwoo's feelings. he's the one that gets you, even if no words are exchanged. of course, he'd understand. he always has. but.. it's hard to focus on that, when he's just

he's so close.

your heartbeat picks up, alerting you of the proximity between your faces. you can feel the heat of sunwoo's breath on your ice cold face, as you try to keep your own even. try to keep your mind clear, aware.

oh god...

he eyes your lips for a moment, and you can hear it in his slightly quickened breaths-

he feels it too.

your eyes lock, and you feel like you're going insane. with the way he's looking at you, gaze filled with longing. with the way his hand's still resting in your hair. with the way your heart just can't seem to calm. with the way your faces have frozen into place, neither moving an inch to break the distance. it all makes you want to..

I desperately want to kiss him.

"I want to kiss you." you're not even sure who asked the question, because it was whispered, and because you're too tired to make sense of anything. "...can I?" oh, it was him, after all. his voice so soft, but breathy- rushed with desire.

please.

instead of answering, you pull him in by the back of his head, rushing to connect your lips. your eagerness visible in the intensity of the kiss. this stuns sunwoo for a brief second, but he meets your lips and steadies the kiss, slowing you down.

..finally.

he holds you by the jaw. your lips moving in sync, almost naturally. you pull at his hair. you can feel him smiling into the kiss.

he's driving me crazy.

the kiss can't last forever, you have to pull away to take a breath. you can feel the dissatisfaction in the way sunwoo whines lowly. it pleases you, to know he yearns for you the same way you do, for him.

I can't believe we just kissed.

your faces remain close still, seemingly unable to pull apart, now that you've connected. the sound of your heavy breaths and the waves crashing, the only thing to be heard. you wait for each other to regain oxygen back in your lungs. sunwoo's cheeks are flushed cherry, but you're sure yours are worse.

I can't believe I just kissed sunwoo.

he holds your cheek in his palm now, thumb stroking the blush on it, gaze filled with adoration.

is this really happening?

sunwoo's half lidded eyes are relentless in raking over your face, noticing every detail, staring. but it isn't uncomfortable, you don't feel self-conscious. you feel seen.

"you're beautiful." he confesses with care.

he likes me.

he finds me beautiful.

his bold words don't make you question their genuineness. you feel confident in the way you look from his point of view, you know you're beautiful, because he sees it.

tightening your grip on his hair, pulling a strand, you look at his swollen mouth "you have no idea, how long I've waited for this." he ducks his head, smiling shyly. ...he's so.. cute.

bringing both of your hands together, you cup his flushed face.

pretty.

you take a moment to study him. he lets you. after a few moments of silence, he whispers "me too. I've longed for you.. without even realizing." he's a bit hesitant in his words, avoiding your gaze. you didn't know shy sunwoo would come as a punch to your heart, making your affection for him grow.

so adorable.

smiling softly, you lean in to taste his lips once more. this time you make sure to go slow and sunwoo melts into the kiss. he moves his lips according to your pace, kissing you back tenderly. you feel content in his presence, his lips touching yours, comfortable and familiar.

I feel so... warm.

you gently lift your lips from his, but stay near, foreheads joined together. you can feel the breeze biting. your mind screams at you, begging, to connect your mouth back with his again. sunwoo's low breaths grazing your lips not helping the case.

I miss his touch.

the side of his mouth upturned, as if reading your mind, sunwoo briefly brushes your lips with his plump ones.

I need more.

but brief isn't enough. you yearn for him, his touch in the way that wouldn't be sated with a momentary peck. a noise of frustration leaves your lips, and he catches on, finding your impatience cute.

a chuckle. his lips back on yours.

perfect.

#the boyz #kim sunwoo #kim sunwoo fluff #the boyz fic #the boyz scenarios #the boyz reactions #the boyz x reader #sunwoo x reader #sunwoo #sunwoo imagines #sunwoo fluff #the boyz fluff #sunwoo fic #412foryou #412foryou_fics

102 notes · View notes

blues824 · 5 months

Note

(round 1)

silver w prompts #3, 4, and 5!!

My first request for the Fluffcember event!!

You requested: Present Shopping, Gift Giving, and Wrapping Gifts

Silver

“Come on, Silver! We haven’t checked out that shop yet!”

For the past two hours, you have dragged him about the town to go gift shopping for all of your friends. Of course, a few of them were gag-gifts, but that doesn’t matter because you knew that they would appreciate any gift you give them (unless it’s an ass-kicking).

The aforementioned knight kind of let you drag him around, but he had to admit that it was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open. The only thing that kept him going was how cute you looked wrapped up in one of his hoodies and a bunch of winter wear. You genuinely had this man wrapped around your finger.

Anyway, you walked into the store and found all sorts of wintery-themed trinkets. Little ceramic village houses that were powered with electricity, lamp posts, streets, even figurines of people and animals. Eventually, you came across a couple of nutcrackers, and you picked one up. It had silver hair and was dressed in a red soldier’s top and white pants.

“Look! It’s you!” You held it up to him for him to examine, and he took it from your gloved hands just to look at it more closely.

“What do you mean?” He was genuinely confused. Surely you weren’t comparing him to a nutcracker of all things?

“In my world, there is a ballet that depicts a little girl from Germany on Christmas Eve who dreams of a nutcracker coming to life and defending her from the evil Mouse King. That’s who you remind me of; you will always protect me no matter what trouble I find myself in,” and with that, you placed a kiss upon the bridge of his nose before turning away.

~~~~~~~~

You both sat down in the Diasomnia common room, him assisting you with wrapping gifts and writing peoples’ names. Malleus tried to sneak a peek at the gifts, but he was sent to his room so that the surprise would not be ruined. He knows you don’t mean it personally, and took it as lighthearted, and even let out a loud laugh as you ushered him out.

Sebek had an entire fit, but you quickly shut him and Lilia up so that you and Silver could continue wrapping their presents. You were struggling with wrapping the gifts and your boyfriend was struggling to stay awake, so you just looked up a video on Twisted Wonderland’s equivalent of YouTube.

You should have bought gift bags at this point, you think, nearly ready to give up as you sat on the floor trying to figure it out. However, you feel someone slip the awkwardly wrapped item from your grasp and start to wrap it. Silver had a poker face as he undid the mess you got yourself into and smoothed out the wrapping paper before beginning. The lines were so sharp and pristine, probably a training exercise he has experience with to aid him in the area of patience.

Once he finished, he looked up and saw you staring in shock. He was about to question you when you let out a loud groan of annoyance and mumbled some expletives about how you just couldn’t get it right.

Silver just rolled his eyes and smiled before sitting behind you, you now sitting between his legs, and he reached around you to put his hands over yours as he guided you through wrapping the next item. It was a tad messier than the one he had just done, but it looked good enough, and you were completely fine with it. It didn’t look like total crap, and you were now cuddling with your knight in polyester armor (he was also wearing a sweater).

However, when you turned your head to thank him, you found that he had fallen asleep while leaning on you. You decided to let him lay there until you had finished, yourself getting better and better at wrapping gifts. You tried to not move around as much so as to not wake Silver up, and it seemed to be working. Eventually, you finally got through the entire pile of things you had purchased.

~~~~~~~~

He woke up on the couch in the Diasomnia lounge to you cleaning up a bit and putting the wrapping paper away. You saw that he was awake and you walked over to sit upon the coffee table.

Why is this man so goddamn beautiful??

That aside, he sat up slowly and stretched out, when you remembered something. You quickly rushed over to the main table between the two stairways and grabbed a present that you had wrapped. Luckily, Silver was sleeping when you wrapped it, and he didn’t seem to suspect anything. The royal green and silver wrapping paper beautifully contrasted each other, now that you thought about it.

Your knight turned to see what you were holding, watching as you perched yourself back on the coffee table. You gently handed him the gift with a smile, excited to see what he would think about it.

He delicately unwrapped it, not wanting to mess up the effort you put into wrapping his gift. It wasn’t perfectly done, but he didn’t care. It was wrapped by you and that was all that mattered. Eventually, he got to the box inside, and he opened the lid to find the same nutcracker from the store you both went to earlier.

Didn’t you put this back on the shelf?

“I may or may not have paid Ace a bit of money to purchase this for me behind your back just so it could remain a surprise. I already told you that it reminded me of you, so I decided to get it for you!” You explained, noticing his confusion.

He took the nutcracker out of the box and looked at its design and clothing even closer. Now that it wasn’t shoved in his face, he could admire the craftsmanship that went into the figure.

“Should I have gotten you a music box with a ballerina inside?” You giggled at his question, shaking your head.

“No… But anyways, do you like it?”

“I love anything that you give me, Y/N.”

“While that’s cute, that’s not an answer.”

“Yes, I like it,” he relented, smiling upon seeing you excited. Maybe he should have gotten you a music box.

#twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst wonderland #silver vanrouge x reader #silver vanrouge #twst silver x reader #twst silver #silver x reader #silver #twst silver vanrouge x reader #twst silver vanrouge

155 notes · View notes

demonicbaby666 · 1 year

Text

Something New

One Shot | Criminal Minds Masterlist | Masterlists

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x fem!Reader

Genre: Smut, literal pure unfiltered smut

Words: 4.3k+

Warnings: NSFW, smut, cursing, dom!JJ, sub!reader, oral sex, fingering, bondage, degradation, praise, hair pulling, light choking, overstimulation, spanking, edge play, strap on use (J), I low-key feel like this counts as BDSM (but not sure).

Summary: The affair between you and JJ has been going on for a little while now and though you felt you wanted more for the relationship, you weren’t quite expecting to be met with what JJ gave you.

A/n: I know I said I’d post Wanda next but honestly missed writing for JJ and this is ummmmm, something. I apologise (not really) for the filth I have curated, honestly no idea what the hell has come over me. If we talk/are mutuals, I have no connection to this and don’t ever bring this fic up or i won't be able to look at myself the mirror </3

It started with lustful glances exchanged both ways, training sessions leaving your body drenched in sweat clearly seemed to work for JJ. Then after one too many ‘extra support’ sessions - sessions you both knew you never needed - things quickly took a turn. You knew it was wrong, of course you did. JJ was married and on top of that, technically, your supervisor.

Yet, there you were, for the god knows what time, six months of quickies and secret fucking behind you, in your bed writhing beneath JJ as she had her fingers pounding deep inside you, pulling moans, whimpers and screams from you. She was an addiction that you didn’t want to rid yourself of, not that you knew how you would.

“Fuck, fuck, don’t stop.” You begged, helplessly grinding down on two fingers that were sliding in and out of you at a pace you hadn’t even known possible. She brought her head down to your ears, probing the shell of it with her tongue.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” She husked.

The sex that dripped from each slow syllable pushed you over the edge and before you could prepare for it, your orgasm barrelled over you, prying a silent cry to leave your agape mouth. Her slender digits helped you ride out the full length of your orgasm until you had to reach out for her wrist and stop her.

Slowly she slipped her fingers out and slumped down next to you. Even with your eyes closed, hopelessly trying to get your breathing back to normal, you could still feel her eyes glued to you.

“How can I help you?” You asked, letting the amusement peek through your tone.

“I want to try something new.”

That caught your attention. Your eyes fluttered open and you turned to JJ, shooting her a curious look, and purely because you could, you let your hooded eyes shamelessly wander up and down her toned body. It was rare to see JJ nervous but that’s what her body language was pointing towards, avoiding eye contact, slightly fidgeting around on the bed, you couldn’t help but try and deduce the direction in which the conversation was heading. You waited until she shifted her weight onto her elbow and met your gaze before vocalising your interest.

“And what is this something new?” You asked, making sure to show her she had you undivided attention, not that she needed any reminder of the power she held over you, and that power was clearly demonstrated with what came next.

She crashed her body on top of yours, pulling the energy she’d drained from pushing you over the edge repeatedly out of thin air. Hands wrapped around your wrists pinning you down. Her head crept down to mercilessly grasp the flesh of your pulse point between her teeth, biting down before holstering herself back up and comfortably perching herself on your hips.

“I want all of you.” She said, her opal eyes shamelessly traveling over your upper body. “I want to push you to your limit.”

Just those words elicited a groan to crackle in your throat, filthy images of being taken in all different ways till you were all but screaming crept into your mind and you knew you didn’t need convincing to know this was what you wanted too. Control in the bedroom was far from foreign between the two of you and it was clear who held the title of being the dominant, that had been clear from the get-go.

“Then take me.” You breathed out, heat already pulsating between your legs at the prospect of being used and utterly spent. “I’m yours.”

The words were music to JJ’s ears, it was plain to see with the newfound glow that seemed to settle in her eyes. Quickly that shimmer was overshadowed by a dark lusting hue that ebbed into the iris’s that were now filled and darkened with pure fiery desire. It had been barely a minute since JJ had pulled your second orgasm from you, yet somehow this whole situation had you wet and ready to go for however longer she wanted.

A serious expression washed over her face, and she released your wrists, “We’ll take this slow, if it gets too much say stop and we stop. No ifs, no buts.”

Bringing your hands up to cup her cheeks, you pulled her back down till her lips were hovering over yours, hot breath tickling your lips, “I trust you.” you whispered. The words seemed to have some effect on JJ because she crashed her lips down on yours for a passionate kiss, time seemed to fade away just that little bit. Her tongue crept between your lips and you willingly let her in.

The kiss quickly heated up, small mewls left your lips and fell into JJ’s mouth, clearly spurring her on, her hands began trailing a path down to your waist, which she gripped onto, with a little more force than necessary.

“Put your hands up.” she mumbled into the kiss.

Too preoccupied with the sensations running through you body and between your legs, you hadn’t processed what JJ had said until her nails dug into you causing you to whimper and do exactly as you’d previously been told. Pulling away and leaning over the side of the bed, her hands fumbled around the floor. The room was dim, stopping you from seeing what JJ had grabbed, though the sound of leather running along denim gave you a good idea.

“Wrists together.” she commanded and once again you did as you were told, this time a lot faster.

She leant over pushing your hands back until they made contact with cold metal, then expertly looped the leather around your wrists and through the railing. She gave it a tug to test it was sturdy, you had to bite down on your lip to stop a small moan from escaping.

“Is this okay?” Her voice was softer as her eyes studied your face for any signs of discomfort.

Before she had even finished the question you were nodding, a devilish grin spread across her face in response to your eagerness and you could see the excitement growing beneath the shimmer in her eyes.

She shuffled back down your body, her slick arousal leaving a trail along your stomach, indicating you weren’t the only gaining pleasure for this little game you had begun to play. She stopped her shuffling, perched over your hips again she leaned down to take a hardened nipple in her mouth, circling her tongue around the bud and wedging her thigh between your legs. Her free hand came to cup the neglected breast, taking your nipple between her fingers, twisting it whilst grazing her teeth along the other.

Your breath hitched and your hips bucked, pushing your clit onto JJ’s thigh, a small moan caught in your throat. JJ laved the sensitive flesh beneath her tongue, hot molten blood coursed through your veins, waves of pleasure washed over your whole body, and you were desperate for more. Slowly your hips began to grind against the sticky thigh between your legs, the relief you felt was instantly halted when JJ pushed a hand down on your hip, stopping you from moving. She pulled away from your chest and stared down at you.

“Not so fast. I say when and if you cum.” Her tone had a bite to it you’d never heard before, it was both scary and arousing and you didn’t quite understand why it was sending a whole new flood of wetness to pool between your legs. “Understand?”

Nervously fidgeting on the bed, you nodded, trying hard to hold in the frustration that was once dormant. “I said, do you understand?” She barked, pinching tightly on your nipple.

“Fuck!” You all but screamed out, a delicious mix of pain and pleasure coursing through you. If it wasn’t her hand anchoring you down, your hips would have flown off the mattress, “yes, I understand.”

“Good.” She brought her head back down, this time peppering kisses along your collarbone, pausing now and then suck on specific spots that exerted more of a vocal response from you, leaving behind blotches of darkened bruised skin. You were fighting hard against your body, your hips were still being held firmly in place, but that didn’t stop you from feeling the ghostly presence of JJ’s thigh. It was torture.

Just when you thought you might have to beg, JJ relieved the pressure on your hips and brought two fingers to swipe down from your clit to tease your entrance and you couldn’t help but let out a shallow breathed moan. Just as quickly as they came, they were snatched away. JJ smirked against your skin before she pulled away to examine the glistening digits.

“Is all of this for me?” she teased.

“Yes.” you whined, shame spiralling in the pit of your stomach at how consumed you were with the need to be touched and devoured, it dawned on you then, you were putty in JJ’s hands, at her mercy, she had the power to do whatever she wanted and you knew that should have scared you, instead you found it only turned up on more. What sounded like an almost growl verbated in JJ’s throat and animalistic look shadowed over her face. Darkened lust-filled eyes locked themselves onto yours, that were now desperate and silently pleading, begging her for more.

“Open.”

The smell of your own arousal filled your nose before you closed your lips around JJ’s fingers and licked them clean, enjoying the quiet groans that JJ let out through her parted lips. Slick fingers left your mouth, without so much as a second to breathe they were shoved hard and deep inside you, JJ’s free hand coming up to loosely wrap around your neck.

Around your tight walls you felt two slender fingers slide in and out painstakingly slow but god awfully hard. Your mouth was still open trying to control your unsteady breathing, each thrust forcing you to pull in sharp breaths that filled your lungs to the brim.

The rise and falling of your chest quickened when JJ’s fingers began picking up speed, your body was the only thing you had control over, and you were fighting to maintain it. Your knuckles grew white from holding onto the railings, and you couldn’t stop small whimpers barrelling out of your kiss-stained lips. JJ lowered herself back down leaving a series of kisses down your jawline to your breast, then began alternating between, sucking, biting and laving each nipple. The tension that was steadily growing in your core reached an all-time high when JJ’s palm continuously brushed against your clit, you closed your eyes letting the room fade to darkness, relishing the feeling of your body being taken over and consumed with pure pleasure.

“I think I’m going to-”

Then nothing. Your eyes flickered back open. You realised her fingers had come to a halt inside you, and if the look on JJ’s face told you anything, it was evidently intentional. The control you previously thought you had over your body slipped through your grasps and along with a small part of your sanity.

“When and if I say.” She reminded you.

It should have annoyed you, it should have sent you spiralling into a masochistic fit of rage, instead it set your whole body alight. Somehow the words unlocked something deep seated that was rooted within you, every passing second you were falling deeper into desire, a desire you didn’t even think yourself capable of having. Yet, splayed out on the bed, hands bound, orgasm at the mercy of one powerful blonde, it seemed entirely plausible that this was exactly what you wanted. And within that moment you let yourself be consumed by submission.

Within the next few minutes JJ had stolen two more orgasms from you. You were tittering on the verge of tears, your skin was on fire, legs shaking from the overwhelming need to cum and wrists sore from wrestling against your restraint. Blonde hair tickled your chest, stomach, then thighs until JJ was nestled between your legs. You would never tire of that sight, or the feelings that accompanied it.

Her tongue ran through your drenched folds and you could feel the vibrations echoing in JJ’s throat as she let the taste of you coat her tongue. Every breath was staggered, leaving your mind in a state of bewilderment with the lack of oxygen you were intaking. Traitorous tears steadily streamed down your face when JJ began sucking on your sensitive clit, her teeth grazed over it and your whole body spasmed, the sound of metal clanked and echoed through the room. When JJ’s tongue continued its slow teasing, you couldn’t take anymore. You yanked and pulled your bound hands, wishing they were free so you could hold her in place and end this cycle of madness.

“You’ll hurt yourself.” JJ mumbled into your cunt, delicious vibrations prompting your hips to move of their own accord, helplessly searching for more stimulation that you were being deprived of.

“I need to cum, please.” You sobbed out. Desperate tired eyes searched for a morsel of mercy as you bore them down on JJ. For a split second her gaze softened, pity settling over crazed pupils before returning to their original domineering, stone cold state.

“I think we can make that happen,” three fingers abruptly entered you; they slithered in and out at an alarming pace with next to no build up. “Seen as you asked so nicely.”

Too fixated on the wet sounds of sucking coming from between your legs you closed your eyes and let yourself drown in the undulating sensations consuming every inch of your body, missing the hand that snuck up to cup a tender breast. Two fingers clasped around a nipple, squeezing firmly, your clit was sucked harder, and the three fingers were joined by a fourth, stretching and filling you completely. You were being toppled headfirst into the most powerful orgasm you’d ever had and from what it seemed, this one would be carried out.

Three particularly hard thrusts pushed you over the edge, stomach muscles twitched and your whole body sprang from the bed, screams of ecstasy filled the room as JJ made sure you felt the full extent of your orgasm, your thighs crushing her skull never deterring her. Endorphins dispersed all over your body, licking every nerve, tingling every atom.

It was only when you pulled yourself away, regaining consciousness you weren’t exactly sure when you’d lost, did she stop. She was a sight to behold, the lower portion of her face glistened in the low light, cheeks flushed, beads of sweat dripping down her forehead.

Crawling back on top of you, JJ loosened the belt and held your swollen wrists, running small circles over the inflamed area with her thumbs, she placed gentle kisses on each. Her fingers intertwined with yours, puncturing the intense bubble that had formed around the two of you and letting in something entirely different; a warm safe feeling swept through the air, it was settling, it allowed you to take a moment, to feel the blonde curls tickle your shoulders, to hear the unsteady breath that warmed your face, to inhale wafts of vanilla and a hint of something sweeter, it allowed you a few extra seconds to almost taste the smell of honey linger on your tongue.

A voice broke through the silence, filling the bedroom; calm, controlled, undertones of what sounded to be an abundance of mixed emotions still managed to permeate through her silky tone, “Are you okay?”

Ocean eyes anchored you back down to reality, that and the sudden extra weight of a body pressed against your own, “Never been better.”

“Do you want to keep going?”

“God yes, just let me catch my breath.”

Her lips curled at either end, revealing faint smile lines that crept up to her nose, cheekbones jutted out and a swarm of excitement advanced through your body, ramping you up for what was soon to come. JJ climbed off you, riding a high you didn’t want to think about the fact you found the loss of her body pressed against your own unbearable. Instead, you let your eyes wander over her, memorizing each freckle, each curve, each scar, so that when the time came for her to leave - as it did most nights - you’d only have to close your eyes to see her once more.

“Good.” She pulled the bedside table drawer open and rummaged around for a few seconds before pulling out what she wanted, “Turn around and lay on your stomach when you’re ready.”

The sight of JJ placing the harness around herself awoke something deep inside you, body moving before your brain registered what you were doing until the mattress dipped and shaped itself under your chest.

Hands curled around your hips, sliding gently around curved flesh then tugging you up until you were on your knees, legs spread apart. Cold air hit your pussy whilst JJ got back on the bed behind you, shuffling forward until hard silicone prodded at your entrance.

“Someone’s eager.” She playfully remarked.

With no warning she pushed her full length in, your whole body jolted forward from the abrupt intrusion, - which JJ quickly accommodated for - resting her hands on either side of your hips, to firmly pull you back and hold you in place. She began slamming herself in and pulling out with agonising slowness, over and over, never for a second picking up her pace.

You were nearing dizziness from the non-stop stimulation you were receiving, each thrust sending cataclysmic signals throughout your body, blood pumping pure fire that dispersed itself over every inch of exposed skin the air licked.

The end of the marathon was so close in sight, orgasm teetering just out of reach, the pressure having built up over gruelling minutes. JJ slid in and out, progressively getting slower, coming finally to a halt. She bent over, hot breath tickling your earlobe before it was sucked into a warm wet mouth.

“Tell me what you want.”

“Please JJ, fuck me.” You shakily pleaded, it was half assed and you both knew it. But with her inside you refusing to move when you were on the precipice of an orgasm, it seemed all you could get out.

“That was pathetic.” She taunted, pulling herself back up and beginning to slide out.

“No no,” venomous tears stung in your eyes, “please just fucking fuck me JJ!” You screamed out, the agony of being brought to the brink again clouded your judgment and you hadn’t quite understood what had come over you.

“Much better.” she cooed, a smirk lining her pink lips, “but don’t go thinking you can shout at me.”

A stinging pain ran through your body as her hand smacked down on your ass, before you could register the pain, she was trusting back into you, the tightness in your abdomen quickly returning. Her nails dug into your hips, gripping tightly so you couldn’t push back into her, though, that didn't stop you from trying. When you did, you were met with another jolt of pain coming from your ass.

“So greedy.”

“S-sorry,” you sobbed out, “Just p-please JJ, harder.”

She grabbed hold of your hair, slowing down her thrusts ever so slightly and you could have cried out until you realised, she was waiting for the go ahead. You hummed your consent and instantly she yanked you up, your neck and back now at an uncomfortable arch. That didn’t stop JJ from picking her pace back up, if not faster than before, slamming deep into you. You may have been in a not so ideal position but nothing other than cries of pleasure left your lips.

The new position allowed the strap to slide perfectly along your g-spot, embers of fire burned in your chest, your heart beating almost in time with slapping sounds of JJ’s slender thighs against your ass. You lost all your composure when her free hand snaked around your chest and roughly squeezed one of your breasts, your knees almost buckling under you.

“You like it when I fuck you like this?”

And that did it. The outer body experience of looking down at yourself whilst JJ mercilessly had her way with you, it flicked a switch inside of you and when JJ didn’t stop, you knew she too felt the change. You knew she wanted to pull every morsel of pleasure from you, till you were begging her to stop, and who were you to deprive her of that.

"Yes, oh god, yes!"

She didn’t stop when you were thrashing your upper body down against the mattress, gripping onto the bedsheets for dear life, or when you came for the second time, not even when you were filling the room with blood curdling screams, not when a third orgasm joined the second, she kept going.

“Kiss me,” it was almost sobbed out and you knew it wasn’t your place to be making demands, but you needed her, you needed to feel all her everywhere, “please Jayje.”

The hardened look on her face instantly fell and was replaced with a look akin to that of pure adoration. Her fingers released their grip on your hair, moving down to cup the side of your face, where she wiped away stray tears. You hadn’t quite known when they’d slipped from your eyes, but you found yourself silently thanking them for the comfort they sought out from JJ. Slowly she pressed her lips on yours and kissed you softer than she’d ever done before.

The hand on breast pushed you back against her chest before descending ever so slowly and you knew JJ was waiting to see whether it was okay before she picked things back up, when no objection came, she slowly placed two fingers over your clit and circled the sensitive nub.

“I don’t know if I can cum again.” you whimpered. You didn't say the word, you didn't say stop, because deep down you knew you wanted this, you wanted her to push you to your limit.

“You can do it baby.”

Somehow this became a challenge, some way to prove something to JJ and with her hands gently caressing your face, holding you tight against her, you were certain you would win this.

The change in pace alongside the sudden encouragement sent you into overdrive and with each tender thrust you felt JJ more than ever. She pulled you back in for a searing kiss that knocked the wind out of you. Pushing closer against her you felt the connection deep within you, her skin burning into yours, all the underlying feelings you’d been pushing down came to the surface and all you wanted was to stay in this moment forever.

Tidal waves of emotions coaxed your whole body into a pre-emptive orgasm, and you latched onto JJ as she fucked you into a state of utter bliss, head falling backwards onto her shoulder, stars danced across your line of vision and the room faded into darkness. The only anchor you had left were the muscled arms that held you firmly upright.

When your sight finally came back JJ was still holding you, both arms wrapped around your waist. A small moan caught in your throat when she slowly pulled out of you, the tenderness making the small movement almost painful. Finally letting your body rest, you turned on your back, ignoring the sheets that cling to your drenched body and watched JJ remove the strap.

“Are you okay?” She asked laying beside you, moving damp hairs from your face.

“I think I died for a second.” You chuckled out.

A low laugh came from JJ, peering at her, she was practically glowing. Lines of definition caught your eye; a satisfied hum wormed its way from your ears, deep into your chest when you grazed your fingers over faint abs. Her arms wrapped protectively around you and the dread began to set in, it was temporary, it all was. This wasn’t the relationship you’d managed to trick yourself into believing it was in moments where she held you for long minutes after taking you to heights you hadn’t quite known were possible.

“Stay.” you murmured into the silence.

“We both know I can’t.”

Without quite meaning to you let your desperation wash over your face and body. It’d previously niggled away at you that you’d never have a ‘normal’ relationship with JJ, nevertheless it still hurt when reality clawed its way into the intimate bubble you’d created with her.

“Next time.” She said, placing a chaste kiss to your temple and getting up to locate articles of clothing that were dispersed across the floor. “I promise.”

“Wait,” reaching out, you pulled her on top of you, she opened her mouth, but no words had time to come out before you flipped her over and kissed her with everything in you. Pouring your heart and soul into something you knew would only be fleeting. “Is this okay?”

Opal eyes stared longingly into your desperate filled eyes, reading you like a book. It wouldn’t have been hard to grasp what was going on in your head, you hated that you wore your emotions on your sleeve. It was a dangerous quality to have, it left you bare and exposed, at the mercy of another.

“I need you.” You all but whispered.

One curt nod told you all you needed to know. You kissed every inch of her body you possibly could, mapping out her skin and scorching the feel of each kiss deep in your mind. You repaid her in the only way you could, pleasuring her in any and every way you knew, never wanting to forget the night you tried something new.

Click here to be added to my tag list

608 notes · View notes

lainiespicewrites · 15 days

Text

Dreamless sleep

I mentioned in a reblog a few days ago that I sometimes write little oneshots about Henry to comfort myself when shit situations happen. Well I left work today and my car wouldn't start and... I've been struggling with remembering something really difficult that happened to me and I needed a comfort fic. This is that.... I don't normally post them but I wanted to share this one.

Warnings: Mentions of SA possible trigger.

summary: waking up from a nightmare and having a rough day. Henry is always there to help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I watched the door shake. The man on the other side determined to break in. If he got through, he was going to hurt me again. Not that he would ever admit it. My attacker had spent just moments before trying to convince me I had asked for it. Like what he did to me was nothing more than him fulfilling my desires. Bile rose in the back of my throat from the thought.

“Go away, Luke! I told you I won’t say anything to anyone! Just leave me alone!” But he didn’t stop. I watched the door knob turn as I looked around my childhood bedroom searching for something to barricade the door. Trying to find anything to keep him out. My strength would not hold much longer. One more shove and he would be inside. I wouldn’t be able to escape him. Just like the last time. As I’m reaching for a chair to press against the door, I stumble. I fall to the floor and the door swings open…

I woke with a start shooting straight up gasping for breath. My heart was racing and I let out a whimper as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I flinched as I felt a gentle hand touch my hip.

“Darling it’s me, it’s okay.” Henry’s soothing voice broke through my panic. It was a dream. Only, a dream. I swallowed hard and looked out the window. It was storming, the sky was still gray, I looked over at the clock 6:25 my alarm was about to go off,

“Sorry, go back to sleep baby, it was just a bad dream. I’m okay.” I assured him. Henry sat up. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and placed a soft kiss on my head.

“You’re sure? He asked, “Do you want to talk about it?” I shook my head. I hadn’t told him about what happened to me. And as far as I was concerned he didn’t need to know. It was in the past. I was fine. It was rare that I had these dreams.

“No bear, It was silly, just go back to sleep, I need to get up and get ready,” I told him. He took in a deep breath. He still held me close for a moment before hesitantly letting go of my waist.

“Alright, love,” When I got out of bed I turned and kissed him softly. He looked so tired. He’d gotten back so late from set. I hate that I’d woken him up.

“I’ll see you later,” I smiled. He sat up giving me another kiss.

“Have a good day baby,” He said. I slipped out of my bedroom and took a quick shower. I quickly got dressed for the office and left. I picked up a coffee on the way to work. I splashed some on my shirt leaving a small stain. It wasn’t completely obvious but I knew it was there. This would happen today I hate Mondays. Things were in full swing, actually, busy. When I got there. I sat down and tried to focus on my work. But I couldn’t get anything done. All I could think about was that dream.

Lunch rolled around and I realized I’d left it at home. I didn’t want to bother Henry. He hadn’t had a day to himself in a while. So I was just going to pick something up. I ran to the little convenience store down the road and got a little snack. It was much but it would hold me over until the end of the day.

The rest of the day was so busy. So many emails and the work just kept piling up. It was non-stop. I was so ready to get back to my place and spend the evening with Henry. I walked out to my car and put the key in the ignition and… it didn’t start. I tried it again… nothing. How could this happen? It ran perfectly fine on lunch. God, I was just tired and hungry and I want to get home! I’ve spent the whole day reminded of this terrible thing I’d gone through, and now this? Today sucked! I sighed and pulled out my phone. I was going to have to call Henry. I tapped his name and the phone rang. After the second ring, he picked up.

“Hey, babe, you on you’re way back?” He asked. I sighed again.

“No,” I said flatly. “My car won’t start I don’t know what’s wrong, the engine won’t even try to turn over.” I rambled. I could hear myself starting to hyperventilate.

“Slow down, breathe. I’ll be right there.” He promised. In 10 minutes he was pulling up next to my car. We tried to jump it but that did nothing. I sighed and slammed the door. “Whoa, hey, it’s gonna be alright we’ll get it fixed, love,” Henry said grabbing my shoulders gently and making me face him. I felt my lip start to wobble. I didn’t want him to see me cry. In all honesty, we hadn’t been together that long. He hadn’t seen me break down and I wasn’t ready for him to. What if I was too much? What if he didn’t want me anymore?

“I-i’m sorry, today has just been… stressful. I was looking forward to getting home and spending time with you.” I said.

“And you’re going to, we’ll leave the car here I’ll have it looked at in the morning. Let's get back and relax my love.” Henry drove us home. I shuffled inside, quickly changing into comfy clothes. After spending a while trying to fix the car it had gotten a bit late so we decided to order in. Henry ordered dinner while I got cozy on the couch. We ate our Chinese takeout and binged a new Netflix series. My mind wandered not fully paying attention. Getting lost in the dream from this morning. I was staring blankly at a spot on the wall, I didn’t hear Henry say my name. He shook my shoulder and I yelped. His brow raised and his eyes filled with concern, and something that almost looked like hurt.

“What’s going on with you today love?” He asked. I snapped.

“What do you mean? Nothings going on everythings fine!” I said. He sat back looking at me from a sideways glance.

“You’ve been on edge all day,” He stated.

“You haven’t even been with me all day,” I rolled my eyes.

“Is something bothering you?” He asked. I groaned.

“Fucking hell, would you just drop it Henry? I told you, I’m fine!” I shouted. Henry ran a hand through his hair and groaned in frustration.

“I’m just trying to help,” He sighed.

“Yeah, well I didn’t ask, I’m not some helpless damsel you need to save!” I argued.

“I never said that!” he groaned. “But you’ve been stressed since you woke up this Morning.” He stated.

“So?” I deflected, clearly agitated.

So… who’s Luke?” He asked his voice calm. My stomach dropped. How did he know that name?

“I don’t know what your talking about…” I said shifting my eyes to the floor.

“Alayna, when you were having your nightmare, you… said his name, asking him to stop. Who is he?” He asked again. I swallowed hard. I kept my eyes on the floor hidingn the tears that had started to well up.

“No one, must’ve just been a name my brain came up with.” I lied.

“Come on,” he pleaded. “I know you don’t think I’m that stupid.” He said. I looked up at him, eyes meeting his. He was hurt. Hurt that I was shutting him out.

“I don’t think you’re stupid at all, I just… don’t want you to think I … to think less of me.” I sniffled. Henry brushed my hair out of my face and brushed his thumb across my cheek.

“Talk to me, I want to understand.” He said. “Whatever is, I just want to help you,” he stated. I nodded.

“He… is…was a friend of my brothers.” I started. “They were friends since they were kids, I new him since I was a baby.” I explained. Henry nodded. Keeping his hand on my back silently supporting me. I went on. “I thought I could trust him. I was so naive. He always seemed like a good guy. He came to town to celebrate my brothers birthday. And they came back drunk. He woke me up. Because he wanted to say hi. I got up to talk with them and when we went back to bed he… got into my bed. I thought he was joking at first. I thought he was gonna leave.” I looked at Henry. His face was calm, but I knew that he knew what I was going to say. I didn’t miss the anger in his eyes. But he stayed quiet. Letting me get it all out. “He was like a brother to me. I-I don’t know how he could touch me like that. But… I couldn’t do anything. It was wrong, it was so wrong but I was like frozen with fear or shock I don’t know. I know that I told him no. Once. something he wanted to do … I finally was able to find my voice but. It didn’t matter. The next morning he acted like nothing happened. I never said anything. I never pressed charges…nothing. It was years ago. In my dream I confronted him. He told me I couldn’t prove it. He wouldn’t own up to it. I yelled at him. And he tried to convince me I wanted it.. And he…he tried to come after me again.” I cried. Henry quickly wrapped me up in his arms pulling me into him. “That’s when I woke up.” I said. I cried against Henry’s shoulder while he held me. He gently cooed in my ear as if consoling a baby. But it helped. It was the comfort I needed. The shoulder to cry on I never really had. He was quiet for a while. Letting me have this moment and then.

“You know, none of that, is your fault.” He said. His voice soft.

“But I.. let him.” I said. His jaw ticked. Trying to remain calm for me.

“No, he may not have been violent or mean or angry. But he still forced you. He was bigger than you. You had no choice. But to let him do what he wanted. I can’t imagine the pain you’ve felt carrying this for so long. But I won’t let you do it alone anymore.” He said.

“You don’t have to,” I sniffed.

“The bastard is lucky he’s still breathing. He may not live anywhere near you but if he ever comes within a mile of you he’s a dead man.” He growled.

“I’m sorry, about…” I started staring at the ground.

“Look at me,” He cupped my face pulling my eyes back to his. “ I don’t care about some little argument. Or a stressful evening. I care about your wellbeing, your safety, and your peace of mind. There may not be much we can do about what happened. But I can help you feel safer, I can help you feel protected. That’s what matters. Let me care for you. Don’t be too proud to let me help you.” he pleaded. I nodded. I was exhausted. Today had been so hard. I didn’t have the energy to be guarded anymore.

“Okay,” I said.

“You need rest love, you look exhausted.” He said softly. I nodded laying my head against his shoulder. Henry carried me to bed and I immediately curled myself around him. He smiled softly.

“As long as I breathe. He will never, get to you,” He said softly. I nodded my breathing slowly as I listened to his heart beat. Henry softly stroked my hair and I felt my eyes lids get heavy.

“Get some sleep darling, I’ll be right here,” he promised. My eyes closed and everything faded to black. And for the first time in a long time. I had a dreamless sleep. I was safe. Now. Truly safe. I didn’t have to fight this alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't feel like this is my best work but it is honest... I'm gonna add my taglist here but you so don't have to read it! if you do thank you! It's just away of me getting all my emotions out. Y'all are like my online emotional support group <3

@foxyjwls007

@enchantedbytomandhenry

@summersong69

@carrie80reads

@identity2212

@caramariehurst

@redheadrouge

@warriormirkwood

@gummydummy19

@deandoesthingstome

@shellyshellshell

@mary-ann84

@starfirewildheart

@henryownsme

@mollymal

@wa-ni

@toooldforobsessions

@pono-pura-vida

@Chloeforde

@liecastillo

@mrsevans90

@evie-119

@margauxmargaux07

@thearcana-moonlight

@secretdream2

@wtfdudesblog

@juliaorpll78

@nothingbettertosay81

#henry cavill #fanfic writing #fanfiction #henry cavil x reader #captain syverson #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill characters #sa tw #sa mention #comfort #comfort fic #comfort character #comfort person #august walker

126 notes · View notes

canonicallyobserving911 · 3 months

Text

Buck & Eddie: Buck is looking for answers!

Before 6x15 aired, I wrote a speculation post about Buck's "Therapy Uniform vs. his date clothes" (linked here) but everyone knows how the season ended with the showrunner pulling that BS by having Eddie revert back to being a giggly high school student who acted like an 18-year-old that didn't know how to ask a woman out on a date. And Buck literally made the same mistake by sleeping with a woman he just met who only wanted one thing from him but I digress. It still pisses me off, so I won't revisit it.

Also, I did a post after 6x13 aired (linked here) about Buck finding the answers (Eddie and Chris) because when he said he was the guy with the answers, he looked at Eddie.

Anyway, after TM (showrunner, GLAD HE'S BACK so KR can kick rocks and go write an episode) released more cryptic Buck, Eddie and Chris pictures at dark o'clock Saturday night or Sunday morning (depending on your time zone), I revisited my theory about Buck's therapy uniform but now I've revised it. He does wear one but the reason he does is a lot narrower in scope. Even though I still believe he wears specific colors or a "uniform" per say for certain things, I realized after doing some analysis that whenever he wears a Gold/Bronze/Burnt Orange/Dark Orange or a Brown shirt with navy-blue or dark colored pants, he's LOOKING FOR ANSWERS!

That's the difference between my original post and this one and I have photos from each episode to prove my updated theory. Before I delve into this, I need to mention there are two pictures from season 6 that contain the colors but BE WARNED, the pictures included deal specifically with the COUCH METAPHOR 🙄🙃. I know, I know... the season ended with Buck asking ND to help him find a couch but full disclosure, after I started working through my frustration with the way the season ended by writing a huge fanfic, I took a closer look at their whatever the hell they were doing (it wasn't a relationship) and I don't think it was meant to be interpreted that way. I won't go into it here in my CANON posts but if you want to know my thoughts on it, I've included them in my love for FANON writing in my multi-chapter fanfic titled "I'm still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!".

Now, let's get into this topic and review Buck's looking for answers uniform.

In 4x2, Buck was looking for ANSWERS from Dr. Copeland and he said, "I think you were right when you said I hide my true feelings from others".

In 4x3 Buck told Maddie and Chimney he was seeing a therapist to help him find the ANSWERS and he started to find them but then everything went to $hit when the Buckley parents showed up.

In 4x4, Buck showed up at Maddie's and Chimney's apartment looking for ANSWERS about his parents and that's when he found out about Daniel.

In 4x8, Buck was lost and trying to find ANSWERS because guess who started dating again? EDDIE! And he was getting ready to introduce AF to Chris but Chris got upset and ran away and took an Uber to Buck's loft.

In 4x11, Buck and TK were FRIENEMIES (not friends even though he believed they were) so he contacted her and asked her for help because he wanted to find the ANSWERS regarding who hit Sue Blevins and ran.

In 4x14, Buck wore his "looking for ANSWERS" uniform twice and BOTH TIMES his quest involved Eddie! The first time was when he was packing more clothes to go to Eddie's house so he could keep taking care of Chris. That's when he got the call from AF after TK kissed him and ran so I've included two pictures so his shirt can be seen better while he's sitting at Eddie's beside. He was looking for answers about Eddie being shot in front of him and his heart being ripped out of his chest when it happened.

The second time he was looking for ANSWERS, he was in the hospital talking to Eddie during THE WILL REVEAL! 🤪😜

In 5x3, Buck was once again looking for ANSWERS about his relationship but reminder, he went home to an empty loft after he told Eddie during the blackout to break up with AF🤪.

In 5x4, he was looking for ANSWERS about Maddie and why she left him again even though she promised him she wouldn't in 3x16. Did she tell him she was leaving, YES! But reminder, she didn't tell him where she was going and all he told Chimney was "It's what she does, leave".

In 6x1, at the end of the episode, Buck was looking for ANSWERS again but this time it was about his couch or the lack thereof. At the beginning of the episode, he cooked dinner for him and his Diaz boys and they made fun of him for not having one even though THEY WERE SITTING RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HIM. He missed the fact that they were waiting for him and had been since he broke up with TK and he still didn't get it. The picture shows Buck carrying his armchair (which is the same color of the shirt he wears when he's looking for answers) and he moved it to where his couch once sat.

In 6x4, Buck was looking for ANSWERS again when he was trying to decide if he should be Connor's sperm donor.

In 6x12, Buck was lying on the couch looking for ANSWERS about his death but reminder, the color of the couch is close to the color of his armchair but it's hard to see. He's wearing a navy-blue t-shirt while lying on that uncomfortable orange couch his mother bought even though he told her HE'D FIND ONE ON HIS OWN.

In 6x15, Buck was looking for ANSWERS about the fact that he died but ND was fangirling over him so hard that he LIKED the attention she was giving him then he said that Bull$hit to Eddie about her seeing him and Buck and Eddie went back to making the same mistakes. Eddie let people (**cough** Pepa and **cough** Bobby) tell him he should date instead of finding his own way. And Buck tried to make another woman like him when in fact all she wanted was his "Firehose".

In 6x17, he was still looking for ANSWERS but this time it was answers regarding how to calculate the tip at the bar he took ND to and that's when LD showed up and insinuated, they hooked up when she knows they didn't. Reminder, Buck could only do math when he was with Eddie and Chris and the firefam but he couldn't calculate $hit when he was on a date with ND🤪🙃😁😉.

Finally, in Season 7 (TM didn't specify which episode the scene below will appear in his cryptic post), Buck's wearing his LOOKING FOR ANSWERS colored shirt again. The color pants he's wearing while he sits on Chris' bed can't be seen but based on 6x13 when Chris wanted Buck to give him the answers to his math homework and since Chris is clearly doing homework in the picture, it's possible he's asking Buck to help him but he doesn't have the answers anymore because his special skills wore off after 6x13 which just so happened to be the episode the Buckley-Diaz family was together 90% of the time.

What, if anything, does all this mean? I'm not speculating but will Buck finally find the answers in Season 7 or will it be more of the same, him looking for answers while Eddie tries to make another relationship work with someone he doesn't want to be with or will Buck and Eddie finally TALK about all their traumas and confess how much they love each other? Only TM, the producers and the actors know the answers to that question.

91 notes · View notes