#anyway i am emotional about People but in a good way

[etherealspacejelly]

i am once again feeling emotional over the fact that i get to be the trans adult role model i wish i could have had when i was a questioning teenager for a whole new generation of trans kids

hi, im a 21 year old genderqueer demiboy. let me tell you some of my wisdom

you dont need to have dysphoria to be trans. if being a different gender would make you happier and improve your quality of life then do it

you dont have to want top or bottom surgery to be trans. you dont have to want hrt to be trans. if all you want to do is change your name and/or pronouns, thats perfectly ok. if you dont even want to do that, thats ok too

not everyone gets their name or pronouns right first try. theres no shame in changing them multiple times

gender =/= pronouns. you can be nonbinary and use he/him. you can be a cis guy and use they/them. you can be a girl and use ze/hir. its all made up anyway do what makes you feel good

multigender people exist. you can be a boy And a girl. you can be a girl And nonbinary. there are literally infinite options

the only persons gender you should care about is your own. everyone elses is none of your business. if you see someone being trans the 'wrong' way, no you fucking didnt. shut up. what are you, a cop? no one wants to be a cop.

if you fuck around with your gender and realise you're cis after all, you're not a faker or a trender or whatever. you were just figuring yourself out. thats allowed. detransitioners are valid. but! that doesnt give you an excuse to shit on trans people!!! just because You realised you werent trans after all doesnt mean no one is. your experience is not universal

dont engage with terfs/transphobes. dont send them asks or reply to them. just block and move on. trolling them only gives them more ammo to hate us. it doesnt actually help. if someone sends you a transphobic ask, dont answer it. just block them. its better for your mental health in the long run

i love you, and im proud of you. and if you could use a dad you're more than welcome to join my legion of internet children lol /gen

#ethereal space dad #trans #transgender #nonbinary

[famdommcfanface]

An analysis of alcemy for the Magnus Protocol!

I have just finished the episode I have found a list of alchemical symbols let's fucking gooo baby. Just to clarify it is my belief these are the new entities. I know it would probably be better if they were less rigidly defined but I love sorting things and am hyped!!! This is going to be long so strap in (not all of those though they're just to illustrate)! I am so sorry if you use dark mode (like me!) these images are almost all transparent.

1: Mercury!

Referring to both the metal and the planet, go wild. Mercury is all about transcending boundaries as it's kind of both a solid and a liquid (it's not but whatever), specifically the boundary of life and death, possibly even transcend death. That seems relevant. Also related to snakes so if snakes show up... probably mercury. Also if we ever get some sort of white queen in a chess way? Mercury. It also represents the mind, or spirit maybe? It's got a lot going on. Colin said it'd make the world end. Fuck yeah probably why not.

2: Salt

This is one that is not included on one list I have but is on the other. I'm not guaranteeing all of these are significant I'm finding it hard to find a definite list. If you look into just all the alchemical symbols they've got loads and I doubt they're all significant. Anyway. Salt is the physical body in this trifecta (we'll come onto that). Very to do with physicality, the body, honestly might manifest in a few ways similar to the Flesh. Also to do with purification? In general but also 'purifying' the body which I think medieval people meant in a good way but sounds evil to me. There is also of course, seperate to the whole alchemy thing, salt circles and all that. You've seen supernatural you know what I'm talking about. Although that's also to do with purification.

3: Sulphur

Or sulfur, if you are American. This one's actually got a few different symbols but let's go with this one for now. Honestly, and I know we shouldn't be comparing these to the TMA entities, but this one's pretty desolation. It's all dry heat and masculine destructive energy. Yeah this one's 'masculine' and mercury's 'feminine' for some reason, I doubt that will come up. Which I guess makes salt non-binary. This is the red king, too. This is the soul in the 'tria prima', Mercury, salt and sulphur, which were the three first elements apparently, and also cause disease? Idk. That might be relevant. Hell's meant to smell of sulphur, that tells you most of what you need to know. Again, we've all seen Supernatural. Colin said something about this making you go mad. I think yeah sure but less spiral-type mad more slaughter-type mad.

4: Air

Right, onto the four basic elements. These all have a humour related to them too and air has blood for some reason. Air is life and light and God and passion and all that good shit. I have to imagine it's gonna have some vast shit going on too because I don't think Jonny can help himself, but it's also to do with being changable and generally quite nice. Oh also ideas and creativity. All that good shit!

5: Earth

Basically the opposite of air. The 'masculine counterpart' as all these websites keep saying. It's associated with salt, which makes sense, and is all about stillness and being grounded and again, I feel like there's going to be some buried attributes in there. It's got the humour black bile which is all about sadness and shit. Most of the four basic elements are fairly self-explanatory.

6: Fire

You know what fire does. Passion, emotion, love and hate and all that. Although honestly in an alchemical way fire seems to be more emotional. So far (and I am writing these as I look into them) if you want something based around physical destruction you're gonna wanna look at sulphur. Its humour is yellow bile.

7: Water

Water, humour is phlegm, connected to mercury, honestly alchemically I can't find anyone having much to say about it but y'know. It's water. BUT I HAVE THINGS TO SAY ABOUT WATER. Okay so this has gotta be the deep, right? The whole mix of the buried and the vast thing with the sea? That killed the girl Alice saw? Or at least was involved with the death. It's all very water.

8: Lead

Right, onto planetary metals! Which Mercury kind of also was but hey ho. So, Lead is associated with Saturn. So, alchemists believed that lead was the base metal, that all other metals were just lead that had turned into something else. Which means it's really important but also kinda sucks, and is why people kept trying to make it into gold. So lead is also to do with change but also kind of purity as they thought it 'purified' into gold. Also associated with the Roman god Saturn/Greek god Chronos, who are both to do with time so that might be involved.

9: Tin

To do with the planet Jupiter. It seems to be connected to wisdom and maturity and education and all that. BUT ALSO. It is connected to Lady Mowbray, hell yeah. Because I watched a video about the arg and noted that on the back of Lady M's assistant's clipboard or whatever is this symbol which I recognised at the time as Jupiter! Now. What does tin have to do with dogs and eating people. As far as I can tell fuck all. I thought I'd misremembered for a moment and it was actually the Saturn symbol because that would work with cannibalism at least but no Lady Mowbray seems to serve... tin. Which is kind of funny. I get the connection to nobility at least, Jupiter is king of the gods after all, but as far as I know he doesn't hunt people with dogs? Idk.

10: Iron

Related to Mars and, as I'm sure you can tell, men. Because these fuckers loved gender. Similar to fire it's all about anger and passion, but also seeing as Mars is the god of war I don't think it's beyond belief we've got something similar to the slaughter on our hands here.

11: Gold

Connected to the sun and therefore does not have a classical god I can interpret. Damn. Maybe Apollo? Gold is about having gay lovers. No. So gold's big thing is that it doesn't corrode. Something about staying as you are, the opposite of Air's changability, sort of similar to earth... I could make something out of this.

12: Copper

Well hello ladies. Copper actually has a cooler symbol but I suspect we're sticking with these. Connected to Venus, obviously, which is all about attractiveness and desirability because copper is a very pretty metal. Personally, I would say episode 2 is to do with copper. I don't know if ink5oul themself is (I think they might sort of span entities) but what's her name from the episode and her obsession with looking good seems very copper to me. I know I'm not sorting all these episodes (yet! I have to relisten first) but this one jumped out at me. Copper is also to do with love, of course. I feel like one reason maybe the desire theory got so big is a lot of alchemical elements are to do with love and desire, so that just sort of bled through?

13: Silver

That's right, it's the moon! Very to do with mystery and weird shit. I think if you get the non-literal elements of The Dark you've got Silver. Also keeps away evil, again, Supernatural. Although it also has to do with tides so I think there is a very small chance that actually this is the Deep? I doubt it though.

14: Antimony

So I wasn't going to do the mundane elements because they're less likely to be important (you'll see) but some of them are really interesting! I might not do them all. Anyway, antimony is about the wild and animalistic side of human nature, and is to do with wolves. That remind you of anyone? A certain... aristocratic milf? I know she's connected to tin but it should be antimony okay??

15: Arsenic

Arsenic is cool, we all know it. It's my mum's favourite element on the periodic table. Anyway. Swans? It's to do with swans. Apparently it transforms its appearance like a cygnet to a swan. It also fucking kills people which I'm not convinced the alchmists were aware of.

16: Bismuth

Nobody knows what they were doing with bismuth. RIP. Also, I don't know my astronomy but that is taurus. Does that mean anything? I looked into the metal; it's quite pretty and people get it mixed up with tin.

17: Magnesium

Oh boy. It's hard to extinguish once it's lit, so it represents eternity! That's gotta be something babyy! Some combination of the end and the vast and all that.

18: Phosphorus

They thought phosphorus trapped light. I know it's easy to say this from a modern perspective but alchemists were fucking dumb. I feel like I could disprove this. But they were the first scientists so we have to be nice to them I guess...

19: Platinum

Supposedly a combination of gold and silver, hence the symbol. Possibly something about being bound to something... idk.

20: Potassium

Or potash. Didn't seem to have much historical context. But I believe it has very important modern context.

21: Zinc

They burned zinc to get what they called 'white snow'. You fucking idiots snow is already white.

That's it! Honourable mention to horse dung, which is a more obscure element but gets its own symbol and everything.

also soap and urine and all sorts of shit so I think we should stop there. What have we learnt? Possibly nothing! One of these has got to be to do with plants - I assume earth? That would make sense. One's something to do with luck from the sounds of things and I have no idea what that is, hopefully someone knows more about alchemy than I do for that. There's definitely some sort of watcher and I think either that's the eye crossed into this dimension or possibly mercury? I don't think the names are going to be these because honestly imagine Lady Mowbray being like hey I serve Tin. She's probably going to say Jupiter but we all have to know in our heart of hearts. It's just fucking tin. I am very tired I am going to bed.

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp theory #the magnus archives #tma #posts what I done #I think I lost my mind when I was writing this #I suspect I'm going to try and sort all the statements into these at some point but I need to relisten first

[achaotichuman]

Acotar Rant

Personally, if your entire romance completely depends on having a predetermined bond forged by a higher deity that we know near nothing about, then maybe it isn't a great romance?

This is specifically targeting the people that say Feysand is the pinnacle of love when if they weren't mated, Rhysand wouldn't give two flying fucks about Feyre and vice versa.

Their entire relationship is only held up by the mating bond which canonically alters their emotions to force them together. Rhysand states that the reason he was even drawn to Feyre in the first place was the bond.

Can we genuinely say that Rhysand would have cared to try and get Feyre out of Prythian if they weren't mated? Of course not. Because that's the whole reason he did it, because they were mated, they had no preexisting relationship development before hand. Its the whole reason he 'helped' her under the mountain, its the whole reason he forced her to make that bargain, its the whole reason he swept her up on the wedding day. It's the whole reason he did anything for her at all.

Even their relationship only started to kick off because Feyre was held hostage in the Night Court for a week a month. Isolated with Rhysand and only his friends, in a secret city completely cut off from the rest of the world.

Perhaps I am being unfair, maybe I just hate the mating bond trop altogether, it's a good idea in theory, but to me the love always feels superficial, like the couple would have never gotten together if a God for some reason said otherwise.

At least give me decent details on the deity and the motive behind it, Jesus.

Personally I believe mating bonds should affect the person only physically rather than emotionally, and should be less sexual (I'll state again, in my opinion only, take whatever I say with a grain of salt) It's a tying of souls, I think it should focus more on the people and their personalities rather than how much they want to fuck each other.

Feeling warmer whenever in their presence and feeling colder the further they are away. Imagine two mates who have struggled with feeling cold all the time, until they finally meet each other and feel warm, almost too hot, for the first time in their lives.

Feeling overstimulated after seeing them again after far too long apart, e.i, skin feeling extremely sensitive, lights being too bright, normal sounds suddenly being too loud, flashes of hot and cold, etc etc.

Rather than emotionally feeling longing, your body starts to automatically jerk in the direction of your mate, like several twitches, getting really shaky, etc.

Bonus points if the mating bond is rare enough that some dont even know about it, so it clicks into place, all of this starts happening, and the two mates are like "WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. HAPPENING???"

Then the severing of the bond not having extreme long term symptoms. Perhaps feeling like the loss of a friend who wasn't entirely close, but close enough that you feel the pinch of grief. Then, again in my opinion, rejecting it doesn't seem like something that will harm you. Because no matter how you try to spin it, if you reject a bond in ACOTAR you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of pain.

In turn, there has to be incentive to keep the bond as well. The promise of a lifelong partner who loves you like you are their own soul. The feeling of being favored by the God you worship. The social aspect of a mated couple. Things that wouldn't ruin your life without them, but are enough to not make say two enemies yeet the bond like an blood-sucking parasite.

Anyway, all this to say, mating bonds suck in ACOTAR, they have near to no building into the world around them, and if a relationship is entirely dependent on it, then I'm sorry I can't take the relationship all that seriously (again in my PERSONAL opinion)

(Also if you like the way I described another way to write the mating bond trope, that's how I'm writing it in my original work @thecalltochaosanddestruction, you should go follow me over there as I scramble to piece together a coherent story.)

#anti feysand #anti rhysand #anti ic #acotar rant

[frozenjokes]

After years of thinking... I finally want to know what is CUBGUY and his boyfriend's MBTI aka the 16 personalities

You’ve opened Pandora’s box with this one my man because I am a psych major that HATES personality tests however that did not stop me from taking the test three times (this one which I hate specifically because the commercialization of personality tests to measure worth is evil BECAUSE THEY DONT WORK. THEY ARE NOT A GOOD MEASURE OF PERSONALITY OR WORTH AND HAVING TO TAKE THIS FUCKING FOR LITERALY JOB APPLICATIONS INSTEAD OF IT JUST BEING A FUN THING TODO IN YOUR FREE TIME IS FUCKING AURYRHEUSHDHUDUSHDJSHSJAHSUSUSJ KILLING BITING MAIMING GRAGAGSHGEHWDGSHHS I HATE. HER.) anyway. I can be normal about this subject I promise.

normal elsa: haha hey guys! I took the personality test for my ocs! yippeee!!! from left to right we have Cub, Scar, and Grian. thanks for the ask! this was fun!

but it’s not about having fun is it

so anyway I took notes. So you may have noticed some things don’t look quite right here. I mean, Cub looks fine! That’s pretty accurate even! Scar too, look at him go! … wait a minute. Grian’s not nice!!!! Or poetic!!!!!!! Is altruism even real????????????? (It is and I feel strongly about this but altruistic as an adjective to describe a person i believe is doing a disservice to the definition because what they MEAN is ‘selfless’ not altruistic but while we’re on the topic of selflessness Grian is fucking NOT)

So why did this happen. I don’t really care that the personality test got someone wrong, but I am interested in Why that happened, and why a test like this will never get a character like Grian correct.

Put simply, the answer is that this test wants to make you Feel Good. Now, having fun isn’t a crime and oftentimes personality tests are there to have fun, but the danger of something like this is that the MBTI isn’t presented as a low stakes fun activity, it’s presented as fact. Look. This is you! This is a good, objective measure of your personality, aren’t you great? You’re awesome :)! Here’s a list of vague-enough sentiments that probably apply to you based on the questions we asked. Yippee! its a really clever and extremely affective trick.

While the little blurb for Scar describes him relatively well, nearly every description of his ‘personality’ besides extroversion read pretty inaccurately, and that’s because the focus is so positive. The thing is, Grian and Scar are largely very self serving people (/neutral tone). They are often more worried about themselves than others, they’re impulsive, and that’s not all they are, but it’s pretty impossible to get at someone’s actual personality without recognizing what makes people flawed.

The closest I think the MBTI test gets to probing at this idea of potential selfishness are questions that are meant to test thinking versus feeling. Do you consider someone’s sensitivities in if they conflict with reason? Are you more concerned with facts or emotion? Logos versus pathos. That kinda stuff. But ultimately the MBTI test doesn’t really care about selfishness, it doesn’t care about flaws, it just cares about making you feel good baybe! So these neutral questions don’t really come back in any meaningful way. The MBTI is concerned about making caricatures of people, not accurately measuring their personality and that Matters because its so often treated as scientific, at least good enough to be used in consideration for jobs and work and school and all sorts of stuff.

And I could go on but the problem with modern personality tests goes so so so much deeper, even in more controlled, more science oriented fields like psychiatry. The system for diagnosing personality disorders is somewhat similar to a personality tests are at the very least aided by them, falling on a straight lined spectrum of Openness, Consciousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism. But this system Sucks and everyone knows it sucks because comorbidity between clusters (A, B, C) of personality disorders is Insanely High. I wish I had the exact percentages, but I can’t quite find the information I’m looking for, but the point is that if the rate of comorbidity between different disorders is So High, how do you know these disorders are correctly defined at all? If a person more often than not has Disorder A and Disorder B at the same time, who’s to say they’re all that different at all? In general, a lot of the criteria for diagnosing a personality disorders is Really similar, so in general it’s a section of the DSM that needs a pretty massive overhaul.

I don’t envy personality psychologists man their job is Tough (and in my opinion, kind of impossible. there’s too many roadblocks in making an objective test. It is. Eugh.)

TLDR: the MBTI test is about as decisive as a fortune cookie and it literally can’t be anything more because then you would realize its lying to you. amen

#cubscarian hotguy au #grian #gtws #goodtimeswithscar #cubfan135 #personality quiz #16 personalities #mbti types #mbti personality types #mbti #psychology #psych

[iplaywithstring]

Part of chronic illness that healthy, able bodied people really can't grasp is the tenuous relationship we have with medical professionals.

My current Dr is wonderful. Lovely woman. Very open, has never had any push back over any concern I've brought up. We met when I was teaching a knitting class. I feel comfortable with her, both personally and as a doctor.

I still have a ton of anxiety every time I make an appointment.

I worry that it's something serious. I worry it's something minor and I'm wasting her time. I worry that she's going to brush me off - even though she never has.

Today, I had a sebaceous cyst drained - I was pretty sure that's what it was when I went in, but she confirmed it and offered to drain it an no big deal. I felt so awkward getting it taken care of. She also warned me it would be a little painful - didn't hurt at all. I updated her on my frozen shoulder (it's improved so much! Almost full range of motion and very little pain!). Told her my mom had been diagnosed with celiacs - she offered to run my tests again (it's been 10 years) but expected they'd be inconclusive/negative again as I've been avoiding wheat for over a decade at this point, but I needed my yearly bloodwork done anyway so why not (and she reminded me a negative test doesn't mean I don't have it, just that they can't detect it, and it's not worth it to go back on wheat to confirm at this point). I asked about a repeat ultrasound of a cyst on my ovary (it was 3.6 cm in 2018 and I've been having pain in that area again) and she agreed it was a good idea to take a look at.

There was nothing negative in the appointment at all, and I still feel like I want to cry about it.

And I understand everyone has a certain amount of medical anxiety - I remember what it was like before I was sick - but this is different. So much of my quality of life and my day-to-day functioning is dependant on this woman. What if she thinks I don't need one of my medications anymore? What if she disagrees about my level of pain and sees no need for pain management or further testing (like the ultrasound)?

My relationship with my body is messed up - in some ways I am too aware of things, and in other ways, I don't notice/acknowledge problems because it's just always been like that. If she hadn't believed me about my wrists aching I wouldn't know about my hypermobility in my hands. If she didn't take my word for it how drained and worn out I am, I wouldn't have meds that allow me to function with ME/CFS (stimulants in the past, cymbalta currently). I didn't realize how bad my pain was until it was managed better. I never know day to day what I am going to be capable of or how limited I will be.

I have had Drs in the past who did not take me seriously. I lived with debilitating pain for years because a Dr took a clear MRI as "no signs of endometriosis". I've been dismissed as fat and lazy and accused of drug seeking (when I was specifically asking about pain management that did not include opioids). I am so thankful I was able to access a new doctor - not everyone has that opportunity!

but even with these ideal circumstances, it's still hard, and exhausting, and emotional. and that's something that most people in my life will just not understand.

#this is my life #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #me/cfs #endometriosis #hypermobility #celiacs disease #I'm a bit of a mess honestly #medical trauma #tw medical

[songofwizardry]

idk you guys sometimes I feel sad about the fact that by my age, my mother was married and lived in a large home with several in-laws and saw her parents and sister every Friday and prayed at the same mosque she was raised in and was always surrounded by family, and I have sorta forfeited a lot of those things.

but then sometimes, I look around and realise that I have found and built something (spaces, communities, relationships) that is just as beautiful, maybe even better, something that has been slowly and intentionally tended to and watered and encouraged to grow, and that communities and purposes don’t just spring out of the ground fully formed, they need to be made and nurtured, and I/we are doing that all the time. and the thing I’ve got going on here is really pretty beautiful, you know?

#this was originally sitting in my drafts bc that's where most of my semi-journalling brain entries languish #but then i was thinking about it #and like as much as I try not to do too much journalling on tumblr #idk I thought this needed to be posted #bc I forget it often! #bc sometimes yknow the fact that the beautiful and valuable thing you have built is Different from the expected can make one sad #or forget just how beautiful and valuable the thing you have is #so like. it is a reminder #to me mostly #and also a reminder #that all these things are constant works in progress #we build them every day #maybe I will delete this later but we will see #anyway i am emotional about People but in a good way #but also what's new #text post #my post #who needs a journal when you have tumblr

[thevioletcaptain]

if you as a fic reader ever become possessed by the urge to do a popularity bracket with the fics other people wrote and shared for fun and for free, consider:

don't ❤️ 

#just!!!! make a rec list!!!!!!!!! #popularity contests do nothing but drive writers out of fandoms by pitting people against their friends #and invariably result in people being assholes in the comments as if the people who wrote the fic can't see it #like ''oh clearly fic x is better than fic y'' #or ''why is fic c even in this poll?'' #nobody gains anything by you doing a bracket to see which fic is the ''most popular'' #a stat which could be found more easily & less cruelly by simply hitting the sort by bookmarks/kudos button on ao3 #anyway ugh. i saw that one of my fics was being pitted against one of my friend's fics in this bracket that's going around #and i have no idea who is ''winning'' because i refuse to look. but either way it's gonna feel bad!!! #because i want my friend to get his flowers so i want him to win!!! but i also would like to know that people like my fic!!!! #so it's just a lose/lose situation even though i generally don't give a shit about numbers #but this turns it into a schoolyard popularity thing #and the emotional response to having people *vote* on if your work is *better or worse* than other fic is hard to ignore #cannot reiterate enough JUST MAKE A REC LIST #or if you absolutely must do a bracket like this do it in a private chat server or something #don't create a public forum for people to pass value judgements where the authors can see it #and feel bad if they get told their fic is ''worse'' than someone elses #but also feel bad if they get told theirs is ''better'' because it came at the cost of telling another author they weren't good enough #ANYWAY i still feel sick with a super sore throat and a headache & am probably extra cranky because of it #(still testing negative thankfully so it's probably just weather/allergen related) #gonna go make some tea and prep the fic updates i want to post today #cass says things #fandom problems #wank adjacent

[withthewindinherfootsteps]

One thing I love about Lan Wangji is that how the way he’s viewed by others changes with the progression of his arc. 

When we meet him in the Cloud Recesses, he’s already well known in the cultivation world. He’s known for being one of the Twin Jades of Lan – for being a model disciple, for being perfectly skilled in everything you’d expect a young master to be proficient in, for perfectly encapsulating all the Lan Sect’s principles, including their immovable adherence to the rules. And that’s immensely impressive. But the thing is, he’s not really defined by himself – it’s not his own identity he’s carving out, but the identity of a perfect disciple of a clan. That’s even echoed in his title as one of the Lan’s Twin Jades. He’s known, first and foremost, for being a son of the Lan Clan’s Sect Leader.

But as he starts to develop, as he starts to grow, what he’s known for changes, and people begin to know him for who, not what, he is. He’s not famous, first and foremost, for being Lan Wangji, one of the Twin Jades – but for being Hanguang-Jun, the ‘light bearer’, the person who goes where the chaos is, and for a title and reputation he’s carved out of his own merits. Instead of being known for perfectly embodying rules and principles, he becomes known for being righteous*, fair, and for caring about the common people; for prioritising their safety over his own reputation in a way that no other important member of a clan did. And I think it’s important to note that although doing this doesn’t break any rules, it does stand in contrast to the actions of most cultivators (and is even look down upon by some people, like Jiang Cheng, though I’m not sure how much of that is due to their personal history). Instead of being famous for embodying the values of the cultivation world, he becomes known for what he does that sets him apart from it.

People begin to define him by his actions and by everything he does that shows who he is as a person; not as somebody defined by embodying the status and clan he was born into. His reputation given to him as a Twin Jade has been carved into a reputation he’s made for himself, as himself.

And I think that’s beautiful.

#mdzs meta #lan wangji #for the record i do think this change was partly inspired by wwx #but not in the way most people think #wwx didn't inspire lwj to be a good person #lwj was ALWAYS a good person (which is part of the reason wwx took an interest in him in the first place) #but what he did do was help break lwj's perceptions on what being a good person MEANT #and made him realise that being a good person wasn't synonymous with following the rules or embodying clan principles #as wwx broke rules all the time #but was still undoubtedly righteous #which is where i think a lot of lwj's conflicting feelings about him came from at first #because to him back then it was hard to reconcile the two #anyway #my meta #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #gdc #魔道祖师 #a bit more emotional than i usually am in my metas #but he's a *well written character ok*

[falldogbombsthemoon]

Yall haha, my dad made it so I have wifi access for one hour a day. which I can use from like 14 to 21 german time. So once my mobile data is dead, I will not be active that much ig. So please dont think I'm abandoning yall.

#vent following #its fucking ridiculous. im not a fucking child. neither is my brother #no idea what my dad wants to achieve through that. “so you can relaxe more” yeah no. being on the internet is my fucking coping mechanism. #there is nothing about relaxation there. also he did that so we'll to go sleep earlier. if it really was about that. #he would need to force me to sleep. you cant just change my sleep schedule by that #anyway its fucking ridiculous as i was on a good way of getting to sleep more early but if imma do that now he will think like #“wow. im such a good dad. i fixed all the problems my child could possibly have.” which is absolutely not the case #yk. ive always fucking struggled with feeling like people cant trust me. #and him not trusting my abilities to be responsible for myself is not helping #and then boom. im feeling shitty but wait haha my coping mechanism is currently set offline. #and like also im in extra stress atm bc school is fucking with me #not only are like a bunch of tests on the way but my fucking anxiety in school is getting so bad. #i cant sit in that facility without feeling like imma have a panic attack any minute #i am in need of fucking professional mental help. and at least one diagnosis. i dont want to do shit to myself. #but in this house hold. emotions are not talked about. feelings are suppressed and mental health is an illusion #i NEED to see a fucking psychiatrist. but i dont feel like i can to my parents about that. and technically i could go without them knowing #but someone needs to educate them. and i mentally cant be that someone #and guess whos sitting in their room crying and writing about that rn. not studying for their tests tomorrow and the day after. #i bet if my parents wouldnt have done that shit with my wifi i would be studying rn #quinns daily yapping post #rather #quinns personal hell

[theygender]

I may be considering the crime of... Getting a business degree 🤢

#i Like my new job where i get to play in excel all day and i also like having financial security for the first time in my adult life #i was originally thinking about switching my major to sociology bc its another area that im interested in #but my mom may have talked me into considering a business degree as an option since sociology isnt a great fallback option... #the thought of majoring in business makes me gag tbh. but i mean... i DO like data analysis and there IS a masters for data analysis #and the bachelors degree in information systems would teach me new things about computers which might be cool #and they have an international business program that links in advanced study of foreign languages and cultures #and theres even a certificate program for sustainability that includes direct work with grassroots programs #AND all of this is intentionally made to be accessible to people who are already in the work field so i wouldnt need to quit my job... #...all of this plus a sociology minor (or double major if i can pull it off) is starting to look pretty good actually #BUT... can i withstand the pain of spending the next few years in classrooms full of business majors 🤔 #real talk tho i was wanting to use my social work degree to go into policy anyways which could mean government OR corporate #...if i get a business major i could potentially speedrun the process of getting into corporate policy to make a difference that way #and my sociology minor (or major) would still support that #fuckin. trojan horse the companies i guess #i am rotating the idea in my mind with the emotional state of that gif of someone trying kombucha for the first time #rambling

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

things that really suck: when a fucked up fictional dynamic is genuinely upsetting to you in a way that'd normally be much easier to engage with and process if you dead doved it, except the ship in question has been ruined for you by Bad Associations so that is a no-go and you're left to deal with the upsetting shit raw. ugh

#whosebaby talks #personal stuff #people try to claim Shipping Bad Things(tm) is self-harm and i'm like man in my case that is the literal exact opposite of the truth #dead doving triggering fictional stuff i'm trying to process is a near instant release valve to make it less of an emotional minefield #and i feel the lack of that safety valve *keenly* when i need to engage with something in fiction to process it #and would be greatly helped in the long run by doing so; but i'm either not *interested* in shipping it #or it's been ruined for me in a way that i really am not ready to reclaim yet if ever; and would do me more harm than good if i tried #i have to be so *so* much more careful and it is *so* much easier for it to tip over into self-harm without rigorous work and safety nets #especially if the framing of the fucked up dynamic is awful in canon #it is still definitely possible for something i'm dead doving to be Too Much and in need of a time out #or to be a thing i am just squicked/triggered by in such a way that dead doving it would not help #but my threshold for the former is W A Y higher; and it is so much easier for me to identify the latter in comparison #anyway yeah i have feelings about the whole thing and it is a real damn shame when this happens. sighs

[ghosts-of-love]

not to be mentally ill but today when i went for a walk in a nature reserve i was climbing a hill and it was cold but so so sunny and everything looked beautiful and i saw so many cool things and i stood there and was like damn what's this feeling in my chest and why am i smiling so much?? my guy,, it's called fucking happiness. i was just present and content in the moment and couldn't contain myself so kept doing the silly arm shake thing i do and grinning at everything and then was like woah what's this feeling. fuckin, happiness dude.

#think the arm shake thing might be stimming (??) i referred to it as pogging and was informed that i've been using that word incorrectly #but yeah stimming ig #the arm shakes!! we all know them... #anyway do you ever get the feeling that other people experience happiness differently to you? #idk last week i was v depressed and now ive had a couple days in a row where ive been giggling with people and ive been cuddled and kissed #and today i took myself off on a walk and i was so so happy and then as i was walking back to my car #i had the gut wrenching feeling that i needed to text my parents that i'd been outside and had a good day and saw multiple cool animals #and that i loved them. because i suddenly got really worried that i would die on the way home and no one would know i'd been really happy?? #even though id literally sent my bestie loads of photos and texts and a literal voice note while staring at a robin lol #anyway and then i was floored by the realisation that i carely deeply about whether i died or not #because i was pmsing last week and that is a terrible time for me and i end up being kind of passively suicidal ig #so to have such a big change in the space of a week was a huge shock #these tags are sooo incoherent and span so many emotions #i promise i've had a really lovely day. i just am anxious all the time and depressed sometimes #in a way that is harder to predict now my periods have stopped. #im realising this is the kind of stuff that should probably go in my diary but i've got this far with the tags that i can't be asked. #if anyone is still reading #you do not have to respond to this or like it in any way. i promise lol

[giantkillerjack]

What up I'm married to a tall person who is basically Milo Thatch but agender, and uhhh, basically, yeah, everyone should be jealous and I LOVE MY CUTE TWINK NERD WIFE!!!!! 😤😤🥰🥰🥰❤❤❤👌👌

#original #i love my wife #had a big crush on that character growing up #you know who else is really into her? EVERY OTHER CHUBBY TRANS GUY IN CHICAGO apparently we just see her and are like OH HELL YEAH #do you know why this is? it is because we have excellent taste that is why. #and also we want non threatening masc people to be into us and respect our gender! that's me anyway #and this is excellent news for her anyway bc we're in an open relationship & she thinks guys like me (her HUSBAND 🥰😁) are incredibly hot #this is also bc she has excellent taste. #but it is a running joke that she keeps getting nice OKC matches that look a lot like me 😂 #anyway this post is a thing that would have made young me BOIL with envy if someone else said it but in fact it is ME #and young me grew into me and is in here like AAWWWWWWW YYYEEEEEEEEAAAHHHHH 🤘🤘🤘🤘🚀🚀🚀 #she doesn't just look like Milo she also moves and emotes and talks like him. and until recently her glasses would not stay on her face! #she got new ones. nerd. i adore her. #she is so kind to Jack (me) and to my giant anxious pitbull child #she puts his blankie on him as he rests on her toes to make sure she doesn't go anywhere 😭😭❤ #she is my best friend and she never makes me feel stupid or fake or undeserving. she just likes me so much and she fkn acts like it! #and we have good boundaries and communication in a very autistic way [positive] and she is so smart and funnyyy #oh i am falling asleep now #probably has something to do with how thinking about my wife makes me feel safe and warm or some gay shit like that 🙄 ;) #edit: omg it just occurred to me that she is like 80% Mill and 20% Jessica Jones. just in terms of like. vibes. XD #she cares a lot about Jessica Jones. I will tell her my findings in the morrow #*80% Milo

[vamptastic]

truly dgaf about traumadumping i do sometimes experience empathy (like, in the crying over a sad story form) but it probably won't go off unless you have an incredibly tragic story are visibly emoting and i already really like you. so it doesn't really stress me out. people talk about fucked up things in cavalier and humorous ways it's how we deal with things. i am not really emotionally phased by discussing most fucked up or personal things in my own life expect for one or two topics that will make me immediately break down, so like who am i to judge. also learning things about people is fun.

#sounds dumb but i read so much as a child that i mostly formed a sense of empathy through that #in terms of like vicariously experiencing emotions. i am generally very altruistic. i can't read people very well either #which can be part of low empathy but it really depends on your definition. it's something people comment on but not a big deal generally #but it means i can kind of relate to people as characters. like the things i know about people and human behavior #and the kind of lives people might be living was first derived from a lot of books #and as i meet the kind of people i never read about i feel like i process that the same way i processed the stories #which i think helped make me more... perceptive. im generally good at reading people. But obviously kind of fucked up #in terms of relating and talking to people. I do care about people obviously but it's kind of rare that I do so emotionally #like get vicariously sad or angry more than I would over a novel character. #anyway. in the most well adjusted way possible please tell me thing about you so i can expand #my mental image of you and relate to new people i meet or read about through lived experience

[aezyrraeshh]

; OC AS A LOVE LANGUAGE

tagged by @indorilnerevarine to take this quiz for some of my ocs; thank you so much for the tag! <33 tagging @arklay @aartyom @risingsh0t @steelport @devilbrakers @liurnia @florbelles @shadowglens @calenhads @aelyosos @jillvalcntines @shepardgf @swordcoasts @cultistbase @brujah @girlbosselrond @camelliagwerm @reaperkiller @faarkas @veisshaupt @celticwoman & whoever else wants to do this!

; a knife called grief

You have left your house, you have left those people behind, but what are you going to do about the memories which have taken root in you? You can run but not without them. You want someone to sit with you on this cool marble floor while the sun burns everything. You want them to cut your rotten heart and theirs too. You want to sit with it in front of you, let them see you with all your flaws, which haven’t been your fault but you have been made to believe so, and you want them to love you anyways. Because you know you’d do that for them.

; an undoing influence

Can someone tell you what to do? You have been carrying so much love within you for so long it is starting to turn into anger (why does it matter, all you see is red anyways) and you have been dragging this body through each day and every night you are split open on your bed and it is so so so lonely. If someone were to walk in while you were on your bed that way and they stitched you back in a new way, lining the seams with their love and kisses, you’d probably find this dreary world a little more bearable. You want someone to turn you over and over until you look in the mirror and see yourself looking back at yourself with a gentleness which has been lacking in you since forever.

; violent devotion

Everyone seems to think you are faithless, but the thing is you haven’t yet found someone who will bring you to your knees and make you raise your head in reverence. This world has stopped bringing you joy, you want more of the divine. You want to dedicate your entire existence to someone; you want to make them realise they are not something terrible, make them see just how much beauty they are bringing to this world. You want to be the only one for them, the only one they have chosen to love. There’s a god shaped pit inside of you and only they can fit in it. And what if they choose to walk away? Didn’t I say this was violent devotion?

#ty again for the tag !! #THESE OH MY GOD THESES HIT SO HARD I AM #''you have left your house you have left those people behind but what are you going to do about the memories which have taken root in you'' #FOR LUNA I AM SCREAMING BC HER FAMILY? AND JOSIE? SHE RUNS AWAY FROM HER EMOTIONS BUT SHE STILL REMEMBERS THE GOOD TIMES EVEN IF SHE WISHES #SHE DIDNT #she will always remember the good and the bad but she wishes so badly that she could forget and be stronger than this #she is in a grip of longing and she cant escape AAAAAAAAAA #she likes to think she longs only for power but there is a thirst for connection too screaming and crying #and josie............................. i am dead #her result hits esp hard considering luna left her after josie had confessed and it's like.... her feelings drove away the person she loves #and even if she is angry at luna she is also angry at herself bc she should have known better than this #iwish someone was there for her to comfort her that it was not her fault oh my god #the anger.... screaming and crying x2 #ALSO I HAVE THE WEIRDEST WAY OF INTRODUCING OCS BUT MEET ELIAN #not going to say a lot abt him bc mystery lmao but *violent* devotion fits them all too well #too too well #anyways i am going to think abt these for the rrest of the day now #♡: tag games

[orcelito]

Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,

I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.

#speculation nation #this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off. #to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one #but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time. #my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here. #the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years #my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most. #im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession. #it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous. #but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole. #maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth. #that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing. #idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death #to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole? #i dont fucking think so! #yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight #even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death #whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life. #it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!! #and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this #bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about. #but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger... #and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol #anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes. #but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen... #negative/ #i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.