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whatawaitsus · 6 months

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It's your final year at Killian Argent's School for the Supernatural; a prestigious boarding school for supernatural beings. In theory this doesn't mean much. Your future has been set since you were a child: graduate from a prestigious boarding school, get into an equally prestigious college that your parents will pay for, and then get a prestigious well-paying job with your father's connections. It is what is, you're past the point of complaining at this point in your life.

Despite being one of the most expensive schools in the nation, nothing particularly interesting has happened at the school in the nine years you've been here— aside from the occasional accidental possession caused by a ghost or the common room getting flooded after a nixie gets too frustrated over their homework.

That is until students start to go missing.

Oh, and you start having prophetic dreams of your missing brother. But, that's probably better to unpack later, in all honesty.

What Awaits Us is upcoming choicescript interactive fiction project. The game is rated 16+ for violence, manipulation, kidnapping, strong language, drug use, religious imagery and trauma and optional suggestive content.

Choose what kind of witch you are; customize your gender, pronouns, sexuality, physical appearance, personality, magic class, uniform style, dorm decor, familiar, and more.

Balance trying to solve the disappearances of your peers and your performance as a student.

Establish your relationships with your parents and older brother by playing through flashbacks.

Deicide on your class schedule and extracurricular activity that will have the ability to affect your stats.

Choose one out of five romantic options; a moody kitsune, an expressive siren, a bubbly godling, or a quiet godling, or an apathetic arachne.

Solve the mystery of the missing kids and potentially get a lead on your runaway brother.

Unwillingly gain a weird almost mentor figure in the form of one of your teachers.

Rei Nakamura [they/them, kitsune]: C's roommate. Rei has been at this school as long as you, though your interactions are next to none. You always spot their name at the top of all the classes you share. They generally keep to themselves, only interacting with C and the kids they tutor. When they do talk it's usually an insult or a refusal to do something. It's not a surprise that they're generally disliked by most of the school. How they happened to befriend an outgoing siren is beyond you.

Cleo/Cyrus Valtameri [gender selectable, siren]: Rei's roommate. C is.. a lot. They transferred during your ninth term; originally from Drialia, which is clear from their accent. They joined the theater club nearly as soon as they were enrolled and have landed nearly every lead since then. The two of you don't interact much, but when you do happen to cross paths they're always animatedly nice to you; they're like that to everyone except Rei, really. You almost swear you've seen the two of them point at you and laugh.

Lydia Taylor* [she/her, godling]: Lukas's twin sister. You've been partnered up with Lydia a few times for projects and she's always a diligent student. She's in the boxing club, which is honestly kind of intimidating, especially after what happened between her and Stephan Kim in your sixth term. But, she's always been plenty nice to you too, not fake nice like you've realized most of your classmates are. She and her brother are never apart from eachother, either.

Lukas Taylor [he/him, godling]: Lydia's twin brother. Lukas Taylor has been going through an 'emo phase' about as long as you've known him. You vaguely remember the mop of strawberry blond hair that was on his head when he first came here, though you have a suspicion he bribed a mage to wipe it from the yearbooks. Lukas is quiet; the polar opposite of his sister. You don't think he's in any clubs, though he is always carrying around a weathered sketchbook.

Nico/Nadia Ruiz-Estrada [gender selectable, arachne]: Your roommate. N and you have shared a dorm for the past five years, and they're possibly your best friend. Despite constantly skipping all of their classes, barring the ones the two of you share, their grades remain high. Even after knowing them for six years you still don't know if they care about anything besides displeasing their older sister. They started a band in your ninth year; Bite The Bullet. Half of the kids in your term are convinced they were formerly in prison, something that makes N laugh hysterically whenever you bring it up.

Polyamorous routes available with Rei & Cleo/Cyrus and Lukas & Nico/Nadia.

*Lydia is only romancable by female and nonbinary MC's.*

#interactive fiction #interactive novel #interactive game #choicescript #choice of games #cog #choose your own adventure #cyoa #cyoa game #no demo #interact-if #interact if #hosted games #dashingdon #if wip #if game #interaction fiction wip

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cvlutos · 1 year

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TWISTED WONDERLAND: ANDROID AU

NRC and RSA, two rivaling multibillionaire technological android companies. A small but lucrative market of highly advanced and human like androids that are worth thousands. You just so happened to get your hands on some of the latest and most advanced android.

Android Types:

Standard Android:

The average android with not preset determined abilities. Though they can be programmed and instructed basic tasks, such as cleaning, child-care, conversational, etc. They're the oldest models created, and often not sold. It's better to buy an Android that's best suited to your needs.

Maid/Butler Android:

Cleaning Type Androids. Theses specialize in cleaning your home spotless and functioning, such as dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, garden-care, and many more functions as such. As well as taking direct care of your needs, such as preparing baths, helping you get dressed, and running household type errands. Most androids of these type are paired with servant androids and don't get along with entertainment type droids.

Servants Android:

Similar to the Maid/Butler Type Androids, these droids have more variety in their tasks, such as cleaning, cooking, baking, gardening, they can also leave the house and run errands for their owner. Which jobs you want your droid to do, it's completely easy to switch off the other tasks, and have them focus on one. They dont get along with messy and outgoing droids.

Caretaker/Pet-Care Android:

Best for families with children or pets, even older people. Helping with taking to and from school, homework, any extracurricular activities, or anything that you child or children needs help with. If they're a pet droid, they'll help with pet walking, feeding, grooming, and training your pet. All need and care done by your android.

Entertainment Android:

Androids such as these are rarely sold to civilians but to music, film, and entertainment companies. Many have a amazing career and are one of the most expensive models to own. They get along best with trophy types.

Social Android:

A friend and companion. Best for those who are extremely lonely and are the cheapest and most commonly sold androids. Most android owners have at least one, they help keep balance, especially with a owner of many different androids.

Educational Android:

Most seen in schools, hospitals, and libraries. They're the best with teaching young and old and are very patient. Though rarely bought by civilians.

Security Android:

Simply give this android a thing to protect and it will. Whether it's your home, a vault, your garden, and yourself. The android takes its job very seriously, and often hot-headed, so most are used by high-profiled people.

Trophy Android:

The rarest androids and only have one or two models ever created ever. They are expensive and to get your hands on one is a miracle. They're a showstopper, that make you and your droid the center of attention always.

Sex Android:

Every android depending on its model has this ability, so it's dependent of its owner to use this setting. Which allows your droid to participate and initiate sex, as well learn all kinks and everything it's owner likes. It's can be either dominant or submissive or switch between the two.

Heartslabyul Collection:

—Android: Riddle Rosehearts

Type: Servant [Specialty: Cleaning] & Educational

Description: Model.HXRR, a android that specializes in servant and educational tasks and often geared towards rich families for his almost Royal Red Aesthetic. Though this model never deviates from rules nor order, as long as the rules of his owner are being followed he is a quiet and kind android, unless you break or upset his owner.

—Android: Trey Clover

Type: Servant [Specialty: Baking], Social, & Caretaker

Description: Model.HXTC, a androids that is often shown for its amazing baking skills and amazing caretaker skills with children. Often seen as an android for small household who only want one android and one multi-functional. A rather quiet and smart, that do it's best to avoid conflict and always appease their owner.

—Android: Cater Diamond

Type: Social & Servant [Specialty: Cooking & Gardening]

Description: Model.HXCD, one of the most social androids from Heartslabyul Collection and is great for large families with a lot of energy and is great outdoors. Extremely social and will treat their owner the absolute best.

—Android: Ace Trappola

Type: Standard & Social

Description: Model.HXAT, most who want this super social android is due to his personality. Many that buy him are those who want teenage rebellious son without having to go through the whole process. These Androids are often seen as 'big brothers' to young children in school.

—Android: Deuce Spade

Type: Security [discontinued], Social, & Servant

Description: Model.HXDS, was a highly desired security android until and unfortunate accident, Model.HXDS Security Type was discontinued. NRC attempted to rebrand Deuce as a social and servant type, it due to his appearance and old models many don't own androids such as him.

══════ ♡ ══════

SavannaClaw Collection:

—Android: Leona Kingscholar

Type: Security & Trophy

Description: Model.SXLK, a security android, based off a lion, that became owned by a Royal family and was discontinued because the family asked. Only 3 models of Model.SXLK exist.

—Android: Ruggie Bucchi

Type: Caretaker & Servant

Description: Model.SXRB, based off a hyena, a multi-functional and great for large groups of kids. Quite popular in small communities and are great if you wanna get to know your neighbors. This model is slightly overworking and can be quite busy bodies for their owner. Though if made to be a sexdoll, Model.SXRB is quite shy and scared of women, which can be worked through possibly.

—Android: Jack Howl

Type: Security

Description: Model.SXJH, a security model based off a wolf. The most commonly got security system and popular to various establishments. Cheap and quite dependable and extremely loyal.

══════ ♡ ══════

Octavinelle Collection:

—Android: Azul Ashengrotto

Type: Educational, Servant [Specialty: Cooking], & Entertainment

Description: Model.OXAA, based off a octopus, an extremely talented android, found in colleges, rich households, and high class restaurants with his amazing piano skills and seen as super charismatic. A fan favorite.

—Android: Jade Leech

Type: Security & Servant

Description: Model.OXJL, based off a moray eel. An extremely intimidating model that comes with his twin brother, Model.OXFL. Some say if your don't buy both the androids together then they'll malfunction over a few days. Model.OXJL is extremely reliable yet is rarely bought due to its deadly nature.

—Android: Floyd Leech

Type: Security & Servant

Description: Model.OXFL, based off moray eel. This model is rarely sold due to its violent and unpredictable nature that seems to come preprogrammed and many don't trust the Model, nor his twin in general. Little information is known about the android.

══════ ♡ ══════

Scarabia Collection:

—Android: Kalim Al-Asim

Type: Social & Trophy

Description: Model.SXKA, an extremely social android made and specially built for the Asim family and with only 2 models ever created. The Asim family owns the most androids in the world and hold some of the most fabulous parties.

—Android: Jamil Viper

Type: Butler, Security, & Servant [Specialty: ALL]

Description: Model.SXJV, but specially to be partnered with Model.SXKA. But his design was so loved that he was massed made and sold worldwide. Model.SXJV is a extremely reliable android that is great for not only security but household needs.

══════ ♡ ══════

Pomefiore Collection:

—Android: Vil Schoenheit

Type: Trophy & Entertainment

Description: Model.PXVS, was made special for the film industry for a simple test run but Model.PXVS did so well, the film company bought and patented Model.PXVS design. Model.PXVS is well known and extremely talented and better than the average entertainment android.

—Android: Rook Hunt

Type: Security

Description: Model.PXRH, a unique security android that many view as creepy. It's unusually social yet it also extrem frightening. He's classified as security, but does various things that his owner asked. Even tasked that are unrelated to security.

—Android: Epel Felmier

Type: Servant [Specialty: Gardening]

Description: Model.PXEF, one of the cutest androids and one of the best sellers amongst men, but then is often returned due to it's hotheadedness. Which is said to be purposely created to humble creepy perverted man.

══════ ♡ ══════

Ignihyde Collection:

—Android: Idia Shroud

Type: Educational & Trophy

Description: Model.IXIS, an odd android that for the longest time didn't have a physical body, but was an ai on your phone or computer, before eventually becoming an Android. He's sold on larger scale, but is extremely expensive. Only 5 have ever been sold.

══════ ♡ ══════

Diasomnia Collection:

—Android: Malleus Draconia

Type: Trophy

Description: Model.DXMD, based off a dragon and a special commission from a powerful woman, there is said to only be two, with the other one being a complete back up in case android #1 gets destroyed. The model is hardly ever seen or photographed.

—Android: Lilia Vanrouge

Type: Security, Social, & Caretaker

Description: Model.DXLV, based off a bat. One of the 1st Androids to be built and was once a fan favorite but know are rarely sold. Model.DXLV is extremely dependable, sometimes forgetful, but a great addition for those who like a playful personality.

—Android: Silver [Discontinued]

Type: Security & Standard

Description: Model.DXS, a greatly anticipated model due to his uniqueness out of the Diasomnia Collection. He was once very popular til its original creator passed and everyone forgot about the outdated model.

—Android: Sebek Zigvolt

Type: Security & Servant

Description: Model.DXSZ, based off a crocodile, he is the most loyal models. With a very loud and outgoing, this model is great for those who love extremely devotional androids. Though was built in honor of Model.DXMD, so he comes built with Model.DXMD appreciation.

#t.manor.au #android AU #twisted wonderland #heartslaybul x reader #savannaclaw x reader #octavinelle x reader #scarabia x reader #pomefiore x reader #ignihyde x reader #diasomnia x reader #twst au #twisted wonderland x reader

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piedoesnotequalpi · 5 months

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Fake Fic Title:

From The Ladder’s Last Rung

Hello! I am fairly sure (after some googling) that your title is a reference to a Noah Kahan song!

Anyway, to me "last rung" can mean either the highest or the lowest point on a ladder, depending on your perspective, and that is the premise of this fic concept!

Race goes through elementary/middle/high school with a reputation of being both the class clown and one of the smartest people in his grade. What most people don't know, though, is that he uses the class clown part of his personality to deflect from the fact that he is not doing as well, grades-wise, as people might think--sure, he takes AP history when it's available, but he never gets higher than a B- on his report card for it. So when senior year rolls around, the combination of good grades in most other subjects and extracurriculars that make him seem interesting means he is able to get into one of his reach schools.

Anyway, Race goes off to school and he's very excited about the whole thing. He can finally put history, which is his least favorite subject, in the metaphorical rearview mirror; he's going to major in math and minor in dance; he's going to join all the clubs that weren't available to him in high school. During course registration, he ignores the suggestion from his RA that he should perhaps consider only taking one math class his first semester and registers for honors calculus (yes, this is a thing at some colleges) and an upper-level math class that only has a prerequisite of calc 1 and 2.

The problem with college, especially the first semester, is that it is often a big adjustment from high school no matter what your high school was like. Classes that really should not be taught lecture-style are taught that way, you're (sometimes) in a new city/town and even if you aren't you probably don't know a ton of people, and suddenly you have a much higher degree of independence. So Race is dealing with the general first semester freshman woes of making new friends and having a roommate and balancing time and navigating dining halls, but he's also dealing with the fact that for the first time in his life, he's struggling in his math classes. And that makes everything worse for him, because if he can't even do the one thing he's supposed to be really really good at, then how can he get through the rest of college? Does he even deserve to be there? Clearly his college made a mistake when they accepted him despite his less-than-perfect history grades. (those are his thoughts, not mine; he does deserve to be there)

As I mentioned earlier, he's used to using his class clown-esque personality to deflect from what's actually going on in his life, so almost no one knows how stressed he is. He still talks to his high school friends a lot, but so many of them are at their colleges having (as far as he's aware) a much easier time adjusting, so he doesn't want to talk about it with most of them. He goes to office hours sometimes, but he is very careful about which problems he gets help with to keep up the illusion that he knows what's going on. This would be less of a problem if he met up with his classmates to do homework, but he's worried he won't be useful enough to them. And obviously he would rather die than tell his new college acquaintances how overwhelmed he's feeling. The semester goes by in a blur of homework stress and club meetings and conversations where he just barely manages to convince everyone that he's doing okay (it's a lot harder than it used to be), all overlaid by the feeling that he's not good enough.

Being a college student gets easier, but not easy enough that he's able to turn everything around by the end of the semester. He withdraws from one of his math classes, and doesn't do great in the other, and he does...okay in his other classes. It's not the end of the world, but it does mean he has to drop out of the honors calculus sequence and possibly retake the class he withdrew from. But that doesn't stop Race from feeling like a failure, even though the only people who see his grades are him and his parent(s) (I haven't decided what his parent situation is in this), and they're understanding. It'll be easy to make up the credits he lost from the course withdrawal by taking some lower credit electives in later semesters, and he has seven more semesters to raise his GPA and figure things out.

And then we come back to the title and my (mis)interpretation of it (I wasn't just rambling pointlessly this whole time): To Race's parent(s), he's fallen off the bottom rung of the metaphorical ladder, so it's pretty manageable to get back up and keep going. But to Race, he's fallen off the top rung, because he can't stop thinking that he peaked in high school.

Things do get better for him, and later on he'll probably experience stuff that's way worse and wish it were just a rough first semester of undergrad, but in the moment, it really sucks!

#i hope i captured the feeling of stuff like this being the Absolute End Of The World #because being and adult/grad student has really changed my perspective #anyway hope you enjoy these angstboi hours #thanks for the ask!#my writing #ask game #asks #blurglesmurfklaine #racetrack higgins #isabel.tex #to any high schoolers or college freshmen reading this:#your first semester will probably suck if you choose to go to college. it will get better.#and if your RA recommends against you taking a class at least take it into consideration #okay posting this hoping it doesn't suck and meeting my friend for dinner #enjoy!

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catherine-james1 · 6 months

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literally-noone83 · 9 months

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Learn to Take a Break

Justin Russo × Fem!reader

About: Justin is know for his intelligence and ceaseless academic success. As his girlfriend you have become mindful of when his "effortless efforts" become a little too much. You just hadn't realised he'd do the same for you...

Word Count: Short and sweet (in my opinion).

Warnings: None.

Author's Note: It's been too long. I have just finished exams and currently still working on outside projects. I already take a long time to write and with extra things on top, leisurely writing has been little to none. This Justin fic is an old one I wrote. I was going to do more with it but the scenario was small and I thought where it ended was fine; concise and sweet. So, why not post it. I have other fics lined up and started, hopefully I'll be able to finish a few of them over the weekends.

OK enjoy!

Justin always seemed to excell in everything with ease.

Wizarding homework? Done.

High school assignment? All good.

Extracurricular activities? All planned.

Secondary wizardry studies? On the job.

Yes, there were mornings—most mornings—he'd announce the immense importance of an upcoming task; exam, project, paper, competition and of its integral part I plays for him a student, a wizard, a student body president and most significantly, as himself. His parents would nod thoughtfully or sigh at their son's dramatisation though nevertheless glad. Max would be clueless, until Alex makes her groan or snide comment diminishing the entire fiasco and then he'd agreeing.

You knew this was the routine. It was just how things worked. But when lucky enough to be present, bored enough to have shown up just a little bit earlier just to see him and walk with him, you'd ask what's it about. Whether he told you with lit eyes or stressed creased over his complexion, you'd grab his hand discretely in front of his family—always a little shy from public affection—gliding your thumb over his knuckles before assuring him it'll be great...

Becoming his girlfriend, you've been allowed to see different sides to the perfect Russo member.

Despite the prestine and perfect image he's built himself, and despite true to his confident and at time self righteousness, to get there was built of stress and the crippling fear of failure.

The hours he'd spend quizzing himself had worried you the moment you found his asleep at his desk, palm cards stuck to his face. At most times, you'd notice he'd get so caught up in a particular project fixation he'd forget to eat in spite of his advocacy for healthy balances. One day building a diorama of a play and you visited to hang out, a casual question of what he had to lunch revealed he hadn't even eaten a proper meal all day—frighteningly casual and perpetually distracted. There were times you'd have to spend a large amount of time at the edge of his bed reminding him—face down on his pillow, wallowing after a day of outrage and devastation—that a B is still great!

Justin wasn't a child, he could mane his own decisions and his drive and ambition is admirable. But it grew as a habit; anytime you'd notice he was a little too focus on a task, meaning hasn't moved in hours kinda focus—his eyes narrowed, brows forever wrinkled tightly, lips thin or a tongue poked out in concentration—you found a small peck on the cheek brought him back. Soft and quick, the small action made him sit back or hum to let you know he's still conscious. Gently asking him how's he going, to remind him of the present. Not to push so hard or be so constraint on himself.

Almost second nature. When you'd rant to him about something that happened that day, the weird interaction with some stranger, or the banter with his siblings, or some frivolous topic or hobby you wanted to vent about your fascination with it—when you realised he'd gone silent. Without even meaning to, he'd drift off on something bugging him or weighing on his mind, you'd approach him casually before pecking him, "What are you thinking about?" you'd whisper. He'd always blink a few times before answering. Quick to apologise and explain. Other times you'd walk in on him studying or what not and you'd duck down to him and plant one on him. "Have you taken a break yet?" and he'd lie before giving in from the innate guilt then promising he would in about 10 minutes.

His vacant, distant eyes, he always appeared to be in a different world. So vastly out of reach from you, at some point you believed he hadn't even noticed you were doing this. You thought he couldn't even feel your lips. He probably didn't even notice.

Late afternoon, the sun hung low. The rays if sunset, it's warmth slowly seeped out from the windows. Drawing away from your never moving figure on the couch. The loss of light prompted the dawning of loss fall over your mind and stomach. The day was coming to a close and it churned your insides painfully.

You had an assignment you had to finish. You were never as pedantic or forward as Justin, so today was the day you spent majority of sun light working on it. It always took longer than it ever needs to be, and it didn't help that time was clearly escaping you.

Hasty steps to the light switch to grant sight, hasty steps back amidst all the papers and text books laid over the coffee table and floor.

Suddenly the door clicked open. It was Theresa and Jerry, Mrs Russo bantering this time about the very questionable hygiene of her husband after witnessing him eat a chip from the ground. Of course, realising your presence they chimed a polite 'Oh hey Y/n' before resuming in the kitchen. Max walked in joyed to see you, glad informing you of some new strange encounter he had with some stranger—made a bet with some guy in a fast food mascot suit and now he's his 'mortal enemies' he plans to show up with his own hot dog costume. Alex and Harper wondered it, only for Alex to groan at your studious state, 'ugh not you too', accompanied by the red head's unrelenting chipper greeting, before following her friend to grab a snack.

Last was Justin. You heard his voice you missed too much to say—he was eager to see you, going about how in their wizard lesson he had progressed another level, his joyous one upping on Alex and so on. You could only hum as you did with the others, eyes still strained on your paper, your hand still cramped from continuously running the led along the page. He stopped, noticing your distance.

"Y/n, have you... been doing this all day?"

Sat on the couch, he stared at the back of your head, just catching your answering hum.

"Babe," he said seriously, leaning forward to see your face, "have you even taken a break?"

Your small pause before making another noise, he already knew that meant you hadn't.

He stood up to walk around you, "You need to have periodic increments of rest, or you'll exhaust yourself." He said mindfully, picking up a strayed textbook.

You scoffed at him, and he looked at you. Eyes still gliding over the blocks of texts, chaste and frantic cross-checking as you wrote. "So hypocritical." You said loud enough for him to hear and Justin rolled his eyes admittedly.

He closed the book and placed it down. He carefully shuffled some books out of the way, conscious in making sure you still can see the pages you left open. Then moved to sit beside you on the floor, criss crossed, his knee nudges yours softly. Justin waits. He looks back at his family too absorbed in their own conversations before resting on your concentrating self. Brows furrowed, thined lips and darting distant eyes. You're stressed, you're tired. He could see it, he could feel it.

He leans in close, and his breath fans your face and his lips are pressed against your cheek softly. His ever so fleetingly gentle his lips is sudden against your skin and your pulled from your work. He moves away just enough to see your face, "You're right, I am." He's smug, smiling as he finally greets your gaze. "But someone told me it's not good to push yourself so hard."

You wiped your cheeks and let out a breathy laugh to cover up your redness. The method was much more effective than you thought. "They sound smart."

"She is, very smart. But she's also tired and stressed."

As his voice grew serious you finally faced him. He was centimetres apart, and each of you let your eyes dance around your complexions, soaking in your presence.

"Didn't realise how effective that..."

"It's very effective."

The chatter in the background, the aroma of the beginning of dinner. It felt like a blanket was over the two and you couldn't help but indulge in just being there with him. A long awaited break—the hole in your chest seemed to relent, dissipating as you drank in his warmth. So this is how it felt. You didn't realise how much you needed it till that moment with him.

"I missed you."

The peaks of his lips tugged, smiling at you as his eyes landed briefly on your lips.

"Me too." He said before connecting his small smile to yours.

#justin russo #justin #wizards of waverly places #wizard #wowp #fanfiction #fluff #alex russo #max russo #disney channel #disney

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everythingwritingg · 1 year

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Writing Students

@everything.writing on IG

I would like to preface this post by sending love to all my fellow students out there. With all the subjects and extracurricular activities, it seems like there’s always something to do and hardly anytime to relax. In addition, I’m sure we’re all sleep deprived and haven’t had time to write in ages. However, people who have graduated, especially those who have graduated a while ago, might be far removed from the experience, so here’s a helpful guide for those who want to write students.

School system varies by country/state. Some schools will run from August-May while others run from September-June. Most countries have 5 day weeks, though there are some schools that go anywhere from 4-6 days per week. One thing that varies is the amount of years that one has to stay in school. Normally, excluding preschool/nursery/kindergarten, or whatever you call it in your country, there are 12 years of school, but it could vary by country. In addition, different countries will often have different divisions of primary and secondary school.

School takes up the most of your weekday. If you include commute, then school could potentially take up to 9 hours a day. Even if you had no homework or extracurricular activities, you’re still spending a lot of your time dedicated to your education. You won’t have a lot of free time unless you’re in primary school.

And the homework. This one varies on the type of school and teachers. Primary school students will have little homework, if any at all, which gives them more time to spend on activities and free time. However, once you get to the higher levels, especially Year 11 or Junior Year for those in the US, then homework really gets out of control.

And the exams. There are both small class exams on a topic and huge exams that could determine the course of your future. In the US, we have big exams such as AP, IB, SAT, and ACT exams. In the UK, GCSEs and A levels are some of the most important exams for students. These can bring on a lot of stress because a lot of preparation is required.

Oh, the stress. Usually, most secondary students have some degree of stress associated with their workload. Especially students who have a lot of extracurriculars, since those also take up a lot of time. As you get to the higher grades, balancing school and extracurriculars, such as sports, clubs, and jobs, gets really difficult. Sometimes, students might have to give up something to make it all work.

Most students still have a social life. School is usually associated with academics, but friends and socialization are important parts of schools too. If you’re writing about a school, don’t forget to show people hanging out at lunch or in the hallways. Most students somehow find a way to make it all work with socialization and academics. Try to write your student character having a life outside of school.

Make sure you develop the teachers too. If you’re writing a story that’s centered around going to school, try to create fleshed out teachers. Some teachers are going to be more or less strict than others, thus more or less popular with students. Your characters might also be closer with some teachers than others and even confide in some teachers.

Each school has their own quirks. Does your school have a bad football team? Does it have the best robotics club in the state? What is your school known for? What type of pranks do students play on the school? What is their mascot and what spirit days do they have? The little details will make your school come to life.

My fellow students and non-students alike, I hope you enjoyed this post. Those of you who are still in school, I hope you’re holding up well. Those of you who graduated, damn. You’re so damn lucky.

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epenvs3000w24 · 3 months

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Unit 5: Bits and Bobs

Reading there was no prompt this week was thrilling! I'm not as enthused after trying to rewrite this post 3 times, each with different topics. Taking a break from this weekly task, I scrolled through my camera roll as I do pretty often. I enjoy making albums on my phone like I do Spotify playlists. Scrolling through the albums today, I looked at one I do from time to time titled Bits and Bobs.

In the hustle and bustle of my life, I don't recall sitting and having a moment for myself, jumping between school, sports practices, volunteering, school clubs, homework, dinner and sleep. Repeat. My weeks were a cycle I could not escape. When I reached Grade 12, I was burnt out. My mind was consumed by how I was possibly going to write my IB exams worth 80% of my grade and balance all of the extracurriculars overflowing on my plate. Then, on March 13, 2020, everything in my life halted. For the first time since I was 5, I had no obligations! I could do ANYTHING I wanted, yet nothing crossed my mind. To be fair, like most people, my options were limited to my neighbourhood. For the first 3 months, I watched TV like it was my job. Honestly, it was ideal that I finally took a break to sit down and relax. However, once summer rolled around, and I quit my job as a couch potato, I enjoyed being outside the most, partly because I had spent 3 months indoors watching TV and partly because I had never had the opportunity to spend much time outside before. Whether riding my bike with my mom or going to the Escarpment with my dad, it was so far removed from anything I had ever done before. In this slower-paced environment, I discovered activities I had not realized I enjoyed. Further from these activities, I started to find value in being present, acknowledging the time and place I occupied, and taking everything in like a sponge. Importantly, what I can see, hear, touch, smell and taste. These became my bits and bobs.

Since embarking on university, it has been challenging to pause and catch my breath when my thoughts are racing with the numerous assignments I have to complete. In times like midterm season, I can't help but think how common it is for people to get caught up in the routine of their daily lives without taking the time to savor the present moment truly. Writing this blog post now and reflecting on 2020 reminds me that it is important to value the small moments of peace and contentment that I encounter day to day. For me, these seemingly insignificant "bits and bobs" are reminders to pause and reflect, urging me to slow down and find peace in the simple moments of life.

#envs3000

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medicineinside · 2 years

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What are the harmful effects of studying too much? ✍🏼

A Stanford researcher found that students in high-achieving communities who spend too much time on homework experience more stress, physical health problems, a lack of balance and even alienation from society 🤯

Students struggle to find balance between homework, extracurricular activities and social time, the researchers said. Many students felt forced or obligated to choose homework over developing other talents or skills 🫢

Students experience health issues such as headaches, exhaustion, sleep deprivation, weight loss and stomach problems 🤧 For studying for long hours, we need to sit on a chair for long hours. It causes back problems 😪

Too much studying can produce stress and tension. An unhealthy body can’t produce healthy and positive thinking 😢 If you fail to chase desired results, you will fail to maintain your confidence also 🥺

Sleep plays an important role in memory, both before and after learning. If you don’t take proper sleep, it affects your motivation, energy level, mood, and other senses 😴

How to avoid overstudying? 🙅🏼‍♀️

Plan your study - set priority for subjects and topics

Follow time table - include social activities, physical games, and hobbies in your daily routine

Take regular breaks - you must take a regular break of 10 to 15 minutes after one hour of studying or use pomodoro technique

Work smartly - don’t make studying tough, you don’t need to overstudy for success, just be smart for tests and exams

Sleep enough and check your health regularly

But also, don’t be afraid to try new things and do something spontaneously

#medicine inside #study tips #tips for students #student problems #study productivity #study hard #study time #studyblr

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hanzajesthanza · 1 year

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oh my gosh you guys i'm so excited

diary entry about post-graduation update + channel and equipment update... (tl;dr at end)

as it's a new year, i really do want to make the channel happen, and though i don't make new year's resolutions, i make "intentions"... what's plausible, what do i realistically think could happen during this year?

during college (which is essentially the entire time i've been in the witcher fandom, not counting my senior year of high school), i had no time to make videos, it was a laughable idea. but i've graduated now, and though i have a job and freelance, my job is currently part-time / as-needed and i work from home most days. on top of that, i now don't have homework and three other part-time jobs—yes, that was my schedule in college: full time student with extra units/elective classes, extracurriculars (clubs), two to three part-time jobs and working on the weekends, and since i'm some kind of masochist and intensely fearful of handing in below-standard work, always turned in the homework on time. i LOVED college, but that schedule, those responsibilities... whoo... my life was, should i say "an extremely fun living hell," like an amusement park, but the rides run on your blood.

anyways, with the foresight that my work-life balance will remain around what i've gotten it to by the end of last year, and foreseeing no extreme life or financial challenges this year, and hopefully no mental illness (sounds hilarious when phrased like that, but you know. depressive episodes are real) i finally have... free time. and WEEKENDS! what a concept! and at my job, i'm the newest of the team, as well as a junior, so i don't have to fend for myself when it comes to handling projects, i just have to be present, listen, and do my best! i'm there to learn from my senior coworkers! also, in the past six months since graduating i've gotten more sleep than i think i have in the past eight years of my life. so overall, i've been way less stressed and a lot more personally fulfilled in my life. though i do miss college, and looking at photos from the past years and especially looking at pictures from graduation almost make me cry because i miss it so much, there is no way i am going back to that kind of schedule. i'll stick with a stable 9-5 or part-time, thank you very much. (if i ever do go to grad school, it will have to be in some improbably future where i don't take a part-time job during the studies).

but back to my aforesaid prompt: "what's plausible, what do i realistically think could happen during this year?" this year, i think it's actually plausible that i begin to make videos. not produce them on a regular basis, no, and not commit to a video schedule, but just making them. or crafting them, i should say, it's a whole process...

the funny thing is that i've watched youtubers since 2012 and learned skills in video production in 2016, but only now am i really discovering how challenging content creation is. everything really has to be meticulously planned if you want to make good content. it seems obvious, but since it takes so little time to watch a youtube video, i never really appreciated all the work that goes into them. and, of course, since i'm a stickler for details and "quality content," i'm not about to put out something that's sub-par. this channel either gets done right, or not at all. since it's my personal project, i have the right to determine when, if stuff gets put out.

that brings me back to the original point of this post.

because of the intricate nature of analysis, it's impossible for me to do a video without a script, i can't just "wing it," because i need to specifically structure my arguments and cite my sources. but i can't memorize my lines, and have issues with eye contact & looking at the camera.

yes, i could make videos not using my face and just reading a script while playing something unrelated, but to me, that defeats the entire purpose of it being a video—at that point, either make an audio-based media (like a podcast), or better yet, leave it as a written post. additionally, i think it's low effort and not explorative of the medium of video and film, which, again, if you're making a video, it should add something. another additionally, i highly dislike the idea of just playing one of the witcher games as background visuals and placing my analysis of the books on top of that. the books are their own thing, and as far as i should be concerned when it comes to "serious analysis," the games don't exist as part of the canon. of course, the games exist as a part of the community, as a historical moment and landmark of the fandom, but i mean in terms of facts i have to go off of—this is about the series by sapkowski, not the series by CDPR. i have to make that as clear as possible. i'm even against using character models from the games in these videos, because—that's within the gamespace. even if it's a custom model or modded characters, as is how i play tw3 and also recommend—i don't want to use it in these videos, because it would directly suggest that this is something which could exist in the game space. this is all just a tangent about my artistic direction, but i think it's significant and important to consider when creating something that takes so much work anyways (analysis posts are both a lot of work, and also personal because they're mostly ideas i've nursed for a long time).

on that note, that's why i do indeed want to use my face and likeness in the videos, even if it's not me by my real name or likeness—rather, pseudonyms and characters i play. i came to this conclusion a long time ago anyways, but it has to be me, i can't hide behind visuals... and i think using a sona or animated figure just cheapens it and distracts from the serious nature of the videos.

of course, this is all countered by the fact that being on camera is SUPER difficult!

i enjoy writing long posts and scripts, and i enjoy talking about these topics and saying these scripts aloud (especially if the topic is something i'm especially passionate about, then i practically know the whole argument by heart anyways). but having to say a pre-written sentence, without that sentence in front of me, is impossible—at least for me, right here, right now. and i don't have time to become an expert presenter that's able to memorize that much and still act natural on camera, because i feel like the need for a books channel, or some kind of "hub" for book fans, is urgent, and it has been urgent for the past three years.

but what i realized was this: yes, i'm not experienced at being on camera, but i think it goes beyond feeling natural or being able to memorize lines, and exceeds into the territory of "i can't say my entire essay off the top of my head," because i'm just not a professional in that way.

i struggled with this for a long time, especially because after i bought my camera, and after i graduated and finally had time to make videos, i felt mad at myself for not being able to execute videos right away, off the top of my head. i had the resources right in front of me, but i still couldn't do it.

so, not to employ the sunk cost fallacy, but...

as the new year rolled around, i researched and invested in a cheap teleprompter for the channel, just because i've been having a lot of issues with filming... and holy shit, it works. no, i didn't film an entire video or something like that, so i don't have anything to show at the moment. but all i did was set it up and use it to feed myself a script (some analysis i recently wrote) and oh my god, i was able to talk to the camera, without overbearing awkwardness or fear, with a smile and everything. just the liberating feeling of being able to read my script while looking into the camera made me so excited, i just had to write this update post...

my next step is to get my audio sorted. i want to directly use a microphone linked to my camera so i don't have to record on my laptop and then sync audio in post (i hate syncing audio!) but i think we'll see what the budget is like and go from there. i can use my USB microphone, but it's also something i have to hold in my hand since i don't have a mic stand, so i can't just act natural while filming.

this will work for the analysis videos, though i don't know if it's relevant for the fun ~fandom~ videos i have planned. either way, it's a good thing. i feel like i just got some much needed accomodations, this is fantastic.

tl;dr

i got a teleprompter so i think it will help me film videos, i tested it out and felt way more confident while filming, yayyyy ❤️

#updates

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liviusofpella · 2 years

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part one: champagne problems

Pairing: Tyril x OC (Jude)

Word count: 2790

Warnings: cursing, alcohol usage

A/n: Very self-indulgent fic with the perfect amount of horny and drama. That's all I have to say.

inspo board | playlist (to be updated)

Tag list: honourable mention: @cashweasel (I'm sorry for keeping you waiting for so long), @brycesgirl @lazypartridge @watatsumi-island @sophie-summer (though feel free to skip this one if you're not interested :))

The large raindrops pattered loudly against the pavement, ruining the guests’ expensive hairstyles, and the sky responded to their curses with long rumbles. Tyril watched the guests arrive from the kitchen window, reminiscing while sipping a glass of champagne.

The one thing that nobody forced him to do as a child, and he found relaxing now as an adult, was cooking. As a boy, Tyril would spend long hours in the kitchen with Leilana, his family’s cook, who would help him with the homework, allow him to help with dinner and stay past her work hours just to accompany him. Tyril was a lonely child. Until Jude, he didn’t really have a friend, and while both of his parents were always away on a business and his sister too invested in her numerous extracurriculars, Leilana, now an elderly lady, was his only companion. He smiled, remembering how she tried to teach him baking macarons and that while she was not looking he added a lot of flour. Tyril’s macarons were not exactly edible, but they made for great hockey pucks.

His thoughts were interrupted by his mother and sister entering the room, talking loudly.

“What did I do to deserve this,” Vena Starfury pinched the bridge of her nose, having just heard that not only her daughter broke off her engagement but also her husband decided to postpone his retirement by a couple of months. She looked at Tyril, hopefully. “Tell me that at least you have good news.”

“That depends on your definition of good,” Tyril answered calmly before shoving down his throat a spoonful of red caviar. “Jude’s coming.”

Vena covered her forehead with her hand.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

Adrina covered her lips with her hand, trying her best not to smile, and when their mother left the room, Tyril winked at her. Mrs Starfury rarely cursed, and when she did it sounded so unnaturally that it always made everyone smile. Tyril also seemed to have an innate talent for irritating his mother without trying.

“Good thing she doesn’t know about you and Julian,” Adrina commented, following her brother out into the main room, where most of the guests were already mingling.

“Depending on whether he took his medication like a good boy today, she might find out.”

“Well then, good luck.”

The soft tones of a classical piece blended with the resonant chatter of the guests, occasional laughter and the clinking of glasses. Swerving right as to dodge the waiter holding an ornamented silver tray with eight champagne flutes, Jude almost collided with Adeline, who watched his rapid actions in horror, fearing that either the champagne will spill onto her dress or Jude will step on it. It was only in the last second when he managed to regain his balance.

“Fucking hell,” she muttered, her hand landing on her chest involuntarily. Jude straightened his back, fixed his navy blue blazer and grinned at her.

“Ciao, sugar, how’s it hanging? Thought you didn’t swear, you prude.”

“That��s the effect you have on me, Julian.”

“Why so formal, Adelina?”

“Oh, shut up. Tyril’s waiting in the ballroom,” she instructed, narrowing her eyes slightly but trying not to show too much irritation. She hated being called by her birth name ever since in the eight grade someone told her that it sounds like a hooker name. Not knowing the true reason behind Adeline’s decision to slightly modify her name, Jude silently claimed his victory, flashed one more strained smile at her and turned left, wondering if he remembered the floor plan properly. As soon as he reached the end of the hall, he looked right and smiled, seeing a familiar silhouette within the sea of black suits.

Tyril was wearing a black shirt and trousers, his waist tightly hugged by a belt with a gold buckle, and an ivory blazer on top. Jude whistled once he came closer, drawing Tyril’s attention—he hid his phone into the back pocket of his trousers, and although he fought bravely he failed, and a sheepish smile crept up on his lips.

“Looking good, Starfury. Addie, always lovely to see you,” Jude bowed theatrically, making Adrina chuckle and Tyril roll his eyes. Using the opportunity of a waiter passing by, Tyril grabbed two flutes of champagne and emptied them within seconds.

Jude raised an eyebrow. Drinking under Mrs Starfury’s attentive gaze was unlike Tyril. “Which drink is it already?”

“Sec—"

"Fifth," Adrina interrupted, "so please have an eye on him tonight? I'd rather not piss mom off even more by not talking to the guests at my party."

"Wouldn't want you to be put in timeout, go. Oh, and congrats on graduating, by the way," Jude winked at her and once she was out of earshot, he addressed the man next to him. "Getting drunk without me?"

"If you had to listen to my mother tonight, you'd be lying unconscious under the table by now," Tyril shrugged. Given that they were standing in a room full of people, he couldn't embrace Jude, thus he didn't know what to do with his hands. He eventually put them in his pockets. "She found out about Adrina's broken off engagement and father's delayed retirement. Did you run across Adeline by any chance?"

"I did, she looked pissed. What'd you say to her?"

"That you'll be here. Somehow you made a lot of enemies, Jude."

The blonde shrugged his shoulders. His boyfriend’s ex-fiancee was the last thing he wanted to talk about, therefore, he took a look around the grand room, while Tyril sneakily reached for another glass.

“Your house looks exactly the same as ten years ago, but somehow even more like a museum.”

Even your mother looks even more like a statue, he wanted to add, but bit his tongue before the words could escape his lips. Jude chugged a glass of champagne and placed the flute on a table, then wiped his upper lip with the back of his hand.

The amount of white surfaces surrounding him was blinding, the marble and white stone brought about the association of mortuary and Mrs. Starfury’s piercing, adamant gaze provoked an uncomfortable churning in Jude’s stomach. Standing straight in the middle of the group in her black, satin jumpsuit with her long slender fingers wrapped around a champagne flute, watching him intently as if trying to drive him away with the sheer force of her gaze, she looked intimidating. Tyril’s mother emanated an aura of ethereality, nobody could deny that she was glamorous and moved as fluently as the blades of grass in the wind, but Jude was convinced she looked like a ghost of an upper-class Victorian lady haunting these halls and wailing for her lost youth. Given that Vena and Valir’s marriage was arranged, Jude’s theory did make a bit of sense there. Unwillingly, Jude took his eyes off the black-clad ghost.

Tyril hummed. The Starfury heir refused to drop his father’s gaze, despite people stopping by him to greet him. “This house is just for show, like this whole family.”

“Unsurprisingly, they’re not happy to see me. Not that I care,” Jude added, sliding his fingers into the pockets of his trousers. “I didn’t expect to be greeted like the plague, though.”

Tyril's lips curled when his father decided to focus his attention on the guests, the only visible sign of the resentment that squeezed his heart, clouded judgement and clenched his fists. Seeing that, Jude stepped in, regretting he couldn't take his partner's hands into his, trying to soothe him. "Meet me in your room in an hour?"

“Finally!” Jude exclaimed excitedly, picking himself up from the bed. Once Tyril turned the key in the door’s lock, St. Clair wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and locked their lips together in a searing kiss. A quiet, surprised moan escaped Tyril’s throat, but his body reacted automatically, forcing him to embrace the man in front of his and part his lips with the tip of his tongue.

The room filled with short, ragged breaths and shy moans as the men slowly made their way towards the palatial king-sized bed. The downpour outside intensified, pattering loudly against the windows, while the indistinct chatter of the extravagant banquet one floor below quietened, soon fading into oblivion. After what seemed like an eternity, Jude pulled back to take a breath, too overwhelmed by the ecstasy to open his eyes—instead, he rested his forehead against Tyril’s, his hands sliding down to blindly unbutton his blazer. In the background the bell tolled twelve times and a crowd of people cheered almost as if they were welcoming the new year. Soon after, indistinct tones of a classical piece reached their ears.

“Dance with me,” Tyril said into his ear.

"Always, my love."

Julian, suddenly overcome with a wave of exhaustion, nestled up to his lover, for once feeling grateful for their height difference, and hummed feeling the warmness of the taller man's body. A fist seemed to clench around Tyril's heart at the sight, making it hard to breathe and most certainly impossible not to blush. Wrapping his arms around Jude, Tyril pressed a kiss to the top of his head, smiling at the thought of Jude choosing to appear at a formal banquet with his trademark messy nest on his head.

And despite Jude not being the best and most certainly the most supple dancer, the men rocked their bodies softly from left to right, not saying a word as no word was needed. At that moment, although short and bittersweet, they felt grateful that the universe granted them a second chance.

"I'm grateful to have you in my life," Jude said softly, raising his chin to look his lover in the eyes. "Even if it's just for a moment."

The corner of Tyril's lips quirked almost unnoticeably.

He has a sparkle in his eyes when he looks at me, Tyril thought ten minutes later. Leaning against a pillar with his arms crossed on his chest, Tyril reciprocated the burning gaze of his lover who was watching him from the other end of the balcony, illuminated by the soft yellow wall light. He smiles, seems to be looking at my lips, but his mind is somewhere else.

“Fuck it,” the blonde murmured, having pondered long enough, and lit up the cigarette he’d been rolling around in his fingers for a few minutes.

Tyril watched him pull at the cigarette, hold the smoke for a couple of seconds with his eyes closed and eventually blowing it out. Jude wasn't a regular smoker, but he always had a pack of cigarettes on him just in case and as much as Tyril hated the smell he couldn't help but find himself fascinated with the way Jude's lips closed around the contraption, the way he always looked so focused and stunning creating perfect circles with his lips.

Having caught Tyril staring, Jude smiled at nodded at him.

"What's up, handsome?"

"You should spend the night at my place."

A quiet, somewhat mocking "oh" escaped Jude's lips. It wasn't very often that Tyril invited anyone to his penthouse, the posh, extravagant two storey apartment that he barely spent time at. "And how are you going to entertain me?"

"I believe the ideas will appear in my head once I have you naked in my bedroom, leaning against the window with the rising sun shining at your body and the awakening city watching us."

Jude bit his lip and put out his cigarette. "Careful, your horny poet side starts to show."

Adeline was easily the most stunning woman in the room, not just that day, but any day in any room, and if anyone dared think otherwise Tyril would call them a fool. He loved her, a bit too much even, but not the kind of love that he loved Jude. Love for Jude was pure, natural, easy, loving Adeline required patience and often times felt one-sided. Adeline Perillard was sweet, intelligent, dedicated and loyal, but she had one flaw that's been heavy on Tyril's heart—she was becoming more and more selfish. It was half of the reason why he broke off their engagement.

And if that wasn't enough, there was also Selene—innocent, troubled, undecided, yet something in his heart was telling him that she's the one. His best friend, confidant, lover, his finite and ultimate zing. There was one issue, though—he didn't know anything about her.

"You're missing steps," Adeline said quietly, raising her head to look into her partner's absent eyes. Tyril hummed in response, not bothering to meet her gaze, and She quickly realized that it was a futile effort. Tyril's mind was somewhere else, partly in his room with Jude, partly arguing with his parents. Having given up on grabbing his attention, the brunette rested her head against Tyril's chest again, in the exact spot where Jude's head had been resting just minutes before, and feigned a smile at Tyril's parents when the dancing couple entered her sight.

Seeing that Adeline was still wearing her engagement ring, Vena smiled faintly at the thought that perhaps not all is lost and despite her son's reckless "city break" with a random girl as she decided to call it, Tyril and Adeline decided to start over. Little did she know that them being together was purely promotional, and both had already found another significant other.

Unlike Jude and certainly unlike Selene, Adeline was an incredible dancer. Her moves were fluent and charismatic, in her red, sparkling dress she looked as if she was floating above the ground, holding the hand of her lover. In reality, though, she felt a knot in her stomach and a wave of sadness crashing into her heart. Burying her face into Tyril's body, Adeline tried to blink away the tears, but failed miserably as the sudden movement drew Tyril’s attention.

"Adeline?" he hummed, dropping his gaze to the woman in his arms. When she didn't react, his hand slid up into her hair and his cheek rested against the side of her head. "Do you want to step outside?"

Once a weak confirmation reached his ears, Tyril left the room, shielding Adeline from curious glances.

"Are you alright?"

"Obviously not," she murmured, blowing her nose. Despite her best efforts, the tears just wouldn't stop ruining her make-up. "Pretending to be your fiancée again is one thing, but seeing you sending loving glances at the man I've always been worried about is another. You have to stop hurting me,” she wept. “First you run away with some whore instead of trying to fix our relationship! And then you get back with the guy who’d apparently always been on your mind when you were with me? I know I fucked up, Tyril, I know I wasn’t there when you needed me, but I do not deserve to be treated like this.”

Tyril clenched his jaw. Deep down in his heart, he knew Adeline was right, but in that exact moment when he felt that he was truly happy with Jude, his mind clouded with anger. Feeling as if Adeline was trying to ruin his happiness, his brain frantically looked for the best, the most hurtful comeback.

“Then why did you agree to this stunt?” he asked. “I have a hard time believing you care about the media’s attention, so why?”

Perillard laughed ruefully.“God, you’re so imperceptive! I love you, idiot! Believe me when I say I tried my hardest to hate you, but I can’t. I was stupid and naive enough to believe that perhaps we could try to pick up the pieces of our relationship, but now, having watched you and your new toy for long enough, I think I know what’s your problem,” Adeline continued, her desperation turning into anger. Tyril not responding, infuriated her even more. “You fall in love easily, but are unable of truly loving. You run when there’s the first sign of trouble. You’re pathetic.”

Tyril laughed involuntarily. He hated that she was right.

“We’re done,” she added, calmly, wiping the tears off her cheeks. “I’m done.”

Adeline twirled around and headed towards the exit, running upon Jude as she went. Despite the urge to stop and tell him how much she hated him, the woman straightened her back and raised her chin. Jude, confused and alarmed by the screams resonating in the empty hall, came out of the main room.

“Take me home,” Tyril asked with his hands still balled into fists. Suddenly, as if waking up from lethargy, he felt all the alcohol he drank, the lightheadedness and exhaustion, which ironically made him feel as if a massive weight was just lifted from his chest. “Please, take me home.”

#so i finally wrote something? it's time to give myself another 6 months of vacation #sorry if this is shit i swear the next one will be a smut #tyril starfury #tyril x oc #choices tyril #blades of light and shadow #i like to live dangerously #so i'm not proofreading for the 10th time

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mechanicalsquid · 10 months

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feeling the Eldest Daughter Syndrome™ a bit lately plus other ✨ emotions ✨ so this is a little rambly, venty post about that.

(tw's for some very brief mentions of depression and anxiety)

I want to be a kid again. When was the last time I was a kid? carefree? was I ever a kid? in elementary school I was the "gifted kid", the "mature" one, always put on a pedestal as the example for my brothers. always used as a comparison. my parents asking "why can't your brothers be more like you?" what they saw was a daughter with straight A's while a leader on their robotics team, a successful athlete, and balancing other clubs. this is what they saw up through college, 8+ years of this. 8-12 fucking years. over half my life. what they didn't see was how much that broke me. they never saw that I would wake up at 4:30 in the morning (a habit started in fourth grade) in order to do my homework. because I a) couldn't focus after school due to likely having undiagnosed adhd, and b) was so exhausted. by the end of high school, my typical routine was: up between 5-6, do homework, go to school from 7-2:30, go to cross country/track/robotics from 3-5, and then would often stay till 6 or 7 doing extra testing or drive practice for robotics, go home to eat and do dishes and maybe attempt more homework before passing out at midnight. my entire life revolved around school and extracurriculars, never proper time for friends. a similar story through college. they didn't see how much of myself was lost after pouring it into college. the burnout that resulted. they never saw the panic attacks or breakdowns, how bad my mental health declined, the nights crying myself to sleep because everything was so overwhelming and because I would be a disappointment if I didn't perform to the expectations set for me. because the one time I did tell my mom that I felt depressed, she invalidated my feelings and said that maybe I was just anxious and should just try eating better. because later that summer, after a camping trip with friends, she told me that "being depressed isn't an excuse and you need to suck it up" because I didn't engage "properly" and "wasn't having fun" with everyone. I can't show negative emotions without consequences. I must always be happy. I must always be on my best behavior. I must be the role model. perfect. always perfect. no mistakes. If I fail, no, if /I'm/ a failure all Hell breaks loose. I'm an awful daughter (where did my mom go wrong? what did she do to deserve this?). if I do something wrong or make a mistake then I'm terrible. if my brothers make a mistake or forget to do something, it's my fault for not reminding them (even though one is almost 20). all outrage, all emotions are directed to me. through me. I will never have the peace after a hurricane. if my parents are able to calmly talk to my brother about a task or something he did wrong, it's likely because they have no rage left after using it on me, leaving me a sobbing mess. I will always take the blame, whether by choice or not. will take the brunt of the force, protecting my brothers without them knowing. they will never know. defending my youngest brother before my mom can yell at him (her form of communication. she wonders why my brothers and I have a hard time properly communicating with each other. I don't). being his parent for 12 years so he actually has one. so he can experience kindness and compassion. so he actually has someone who understands what he's dealing with with his adhd and doesn't just dismiss him or yell at him because of the way his symptoms present. trying to re-parent myself in the process. being scared of myself whenever I become my parents. trying to rid myself of them. of their anger. of their disappointment. of all of it. will I ever be rid of it? will I ever be just me? how long will their rage consume me? have I already been consumed? when did they corrupt me? I want to be a kid again. was I ever a kid? can one be a kid if they are their own parent? I will always be the parent, the therapist. the one my parents and friends vent to. the one trying to fix everyone else. the one who needs fixing. I want to be fixed. I want to be loved. I don't want to be a parent anymore. I want to be a kid. I will never be a kid.

#if you managed to read through that uhhhhh thanks #just sharing my feelings in this little diary of a blog #sqyd speaks #eldest daughter syndrome

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