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b4kuch1n · 1 year

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and the storm he was driving/washed it away/in the eye there was a silence

#pokemon #swsh #champion leon #rival hop #and!#professor hop #finally. finally the titus was born set can be done and out of my brain #one more item off the list! the very. very long list of things I wanna draw for these lads #its so. the moment I got into swsh I was like okay so titus was born is a leon song right #before you ask no I don't watch netflix shows. I just listen to young the giant like. casually #this set pushed my drawing water brain to the brink... my effect brain too #not as much as last year's october piece also for these two but still! pretty rough!#also Stuff Happened right before I could finish this lmao. we live in a society #but I got it done and it turned out so much nicer than I anticipated lmao I was NOT feeling hop's side until I darkened the bg #gods. I have never stopped being insane abt leon and hop. holds leon tenderly you have been set up to be such a dick #man who lies to himself everyday vs man who trusts until it ruins his whole world #I!! care them!!!! gods!!!! when will I be normal. when will I not spend two weeks drawing One (1) thing for them #a sad awooga for my kids everyone.#okay. I will lay down now. I have much to do tomorrow #have a good night lads! no reason to not shield urself from the rain remember!

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byler-alarmist · 11 months

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What scares me most about Byler endgame is the reality of it likely coming out long after the US presidential election 2024.

#not to be us-centric #but it really does affect the world #like if we think things are bad now #i'm afraid 2025 may find us living in even scarier times #young cis white queers i'm talking to you - don't get too comfortable in this heartstopper era #don't make the grave mistake of thinking we have come so far and that things can only get better #as trans and poc queer ppl know we still have a lonnnng way to go #and even the rights you do have must be continually fought for #they can always be taken away #yes even in the 21st century #i fear we may be headed into darker times #sorry for doomposting #byler tumblr #please do whatever you need to feel safe #but just remember that we will all need to be a bit brave #and stand together #don't let infighting distract from solidarity #byler nation #stranger things #us politics #tw politics

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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good-beanswrites · 4 months

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hii hiii is it alright if I request something with kotoko and haruka?(platonic ofc) their character foils drive me insane with all the weak stuff authngghn icant be normal about them

Oooh thank you so much for the request! I realized that these two actually have one of the smallest windows to talk easily, given Haruka's nervousness and Kotoko's T2 changes. They have such interesting approaches to strength/weakness, and I hope I could capture it a bit here! This takes place immediately following Kotoko's bday timeline after Harrow's release:

“I’ll accept those birthday wishes…” Kotoko gave him a wave over her shoulder as she returned to making her bed.

She shook her head in awe. It was rather impressive how quickly the boy had changed after his verdict. The others had more subtle differences, but he was someone entirely new. She could rest easy, at least, knowing that her verdict wouldn’t change her much. For as long as she could remember, she’d been like this. She knew where she stood, and neither guilty nor innocent verdict would affect that. This verdict was really only an indicator on whether the warden could be trusted or not.

Her body tensed up when she turned back around, startled by Haruka lingering silently in the doorway. She decided against chastising him for scaring her half to death. Still, she couldn’t keep the bite from her voice as she asked, “did you need something else?”

“Ah… I just…” He twisted his hands together. “I had a question.”

He fell silent, but Kotoko could tell he was chewing on his next words. She waited.

“H-how do you do it? All the time? You’re older and stronger and braver and I-I just don’t know how.”

“Give yourself some credit. I’m not that much older, or stronger. I only have, what -- two, three years on you? And you did very well in the arm wrestling tournament the other day.”

She wasn’t being patronizing. For someone so sheltered, Haruka could do some damage. He stood a few inches taller than her. The others had taken the arm wrestling as a little game, but Kotoko had used the event to measure up her fellow prisoners. After his close match with Mikoto, she had made a mental note to take him seriously.

“No…” his expression twitched, getting frustrated with the misunderstanding. “Not muscles. I mean… you don’t have someone like Muu. You don’t need someone next to you all the time. But you still talk with everyone… and it looks easy. All the time. You always know what to say, and what to do. You never look scared. You never cry.”

Kotoko’s smile softened. She wasn’t the prideful type, but his words gave her a wave of accomplishment. She certainly was scared. She did cry. But she wasn’t about to show a single crack in her resolve in front of anyone here. Haruka had given her the greatest of compliments by confirming her success.

“Ah, you mean strength of spirit. Well, that doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It comes with my purpose, with my virtues.”

“Virtues…?”

“I see the injustice around me, and want to protect the innocent. When I see how awful the world can be, when I see the monsters that are hurting those who are weak, I can’t help myself.” She clenched her fist. “The power to do so just comes to me.”

“Oh…” Haruka looked down at his palms.

Her heart sank, realizing he didn’t quite understand. It was a shame that not all of humanity could be as righteous as her. That heroic drive had always come so naturally to her; she wasn’t sure she could put it into words to explain to others.

Haruka’s open hands were trembling. “Um. Is there any other way?”

“Hm?”

“All my life… I only cause pain to everyone.” His worry gradually turned to desperation.” I hurt everyone who gets close to me. Especially things that are small and weak. My whole life, I’ve been nothing but a… a curse. So… is there another way? Please. I want to be better. I want to be strong! I want to be like you! Tell me!”

He stepped forward, pleading. Kotoko stepped back.

His blue eyes widened at her sudden shift into defense. “Ah! I. I’m sorry. I’m-I’m sorry. It’s your birthday. You should be… Have a g-good day.”

“Wait.” Kotoko stopped him before he could flee. She was aware of the massive gap between them, the vastly different backgrounds they came from. Still, she offered the same advice that had helped her in her toughest of days.

“Don’t worry so much about others’ strength. The quickest way to burn yourself out is getting overwhelmed with the power that’s all around you. Once you start putting all your focus toward honing your own skills and strengths, you’ll realize how much you’re truly capable of. You don’t need anyone else. You’ll realize that you are enough.”

“I… am enough…?”

She placed a hand firmly on his shoulder.

“So, no need to get all worked up now, okay?”

“O-okay. I’ll do my best.” He stiffened, trying to appear worthy of her words.

She let out a bitter laugh. “I told the others not to do anything for my birthday, but I don’t think they paid me any mind.” Kotoko still couldn’t fathom how they were so friendly with each other given the situation. “Let’s go see if there’s some cake or something.”

#milgram #kotoko yuzuhira #haruka sakurai #thank you so much! this one was super interesting to write 👀#the thing is even though they dont have any direct problem between them they would still have a hard time communicating #but once they DO communicate there would so much they could learn from/help each other with!!!#this is leaning into my theory that kotokos murder (like harukas) was a rightful emotion that spiraled out of control #it really puts it into perspective how young kotoko is when you remember shes not too much older than haruka #and theyre both susceptible to strong emotions that stem from feeling weak int he face of the big scary world #but kotokos sees her as some blessing of power to serve her heroic thoughts and haruka sees his as a curse #ty to my pals who helped me find the exact spot in the timeline i was looking for 🙏#although kotoko doesnt believe she can change that easily she 100% undergoes the exact type of dramatic change as the others #once again referencing the arm wrestling info from yamanaka #between that and the fact that strangulation actually takes a fair amount of power #i just think its very good to remember that haruka is so physically strong #also something something kids looking up and wanting to be like kotoko and her complex emotions on that....#these two are sooooo interesting AH #drabbles

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ardentpoop · 2 months

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the s4 parallels are putting my heart through the wringer :)

sam extends levels of compassion and patience to the vulnerable people in his life that he was never offered when he needed it most

#like he consistently has these scenes with struggling young people in particular where he's telling them what he needed to hear #you know he had to do all this work on his own to feel okay about himself bc DEAN sure as shit hasn't changed!#im going to fucking explode lmfao my angel..... never thought i'd get a whole arc like this so late in the show it's a good kind of hurt #spn #liveblog tag #13.03 #also remember cas asking him ''weren't YOU all alone when you went off to college at claire's age'' and sam saying ''that's different''#''how sam?''#HOW. part of him still sees himself as undeserving of all the love and care he gives to other people #and can you blame him? historically he's gotten so little in return

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solradguy · 8 months

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Whenever I see someone being transphobic on twt in a bridget thread i reply with three pictures of my mains: ky kiske from ac+r, ky kiske from rev 2, and ky kiske from strive.

it self selects for people who actually play the game. it’s canon that he’ll fight off transphobes with the blade. and if they actually played guilty gear they’d get the underlining messages

While it can be really funny to bully these guys back, please keep in mind that nothing you can say or do to these people will hurt them or waste as much of their time as what they say will stick with you or waste your time. It might be funny to send them a bunch of Ky pictures, but what they're doing is laughing that the only response the people they hate can give them is sending a bunch of pictures of anime boys.

The only thing that works is blocking them. They've turned being an asshole into a recreational sport and getting any sort of response in return is a victory for them.

#asks #Unfortunately I was an asshole on the internet once (not a vicious transphobe just a basic internet asshole)#I know exactly how these people function because I was there once...#When you don't take the person you're arguing with seriously it's very easy to laugh at every single thing they do #Which is what these guys are doing. It doesn't matter how well thought out the counter argument is. They don't care and they won't care #All you can hope for is that they're young and they grow out of it (I did)#I feel bad for them because I think about what led to me being like that decades ago. Are they going through the same thing?#I was like that because I was in a hopeless situation and hated myself and hated everyone else #People arguing back just proved my point that everything sucked and my hate was justified #It's an awful feedback loop. People being kind to me felt disingenuous. Why should they be kind? I hated them. They had no reason to be nic #I had to get to a point where I was willing to help myself crawl out of that pit before I let anyone else even get near me emotionally #I still remember the day when I realized I was being a fucked up little shit to everyone lol #Early June 2011. It was sunny with no clouds and there was a cool breeze. I was listening to In This Moment and I realized #'What the hell am I doing? Do I want to be like this forever? Get your shit together man'#It was a slow process from there but I did get out of it. Slowly. Very slowly.#There's a lot I did that I regret and can't ever apologize for because it was so long ago and the names and faces are gone now #Apologizing at this point would be selfish and only for my benefit anyway. I can only hope that what I did didn't hurt people permanently #Anyway. I've never talked about this on here before because it's the kinda shit that gets put on callout posts out of context #So. I am laying my naked soul bare and raw for the sake of underlining my original point: Internet trolls don't care

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iceeericeee · 6 months

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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this

#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo #this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed #the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg #but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or #something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who #thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding #very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting #absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is #basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since #i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li #type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to #be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell #'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer #anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi #whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23 #except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang #i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue #i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan #to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though #would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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meownotgood · 11 months

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my very first fictional crush vs my current one what do you think they'd talk about if they met

#outing myself as an n lover.... I was never immune to his charms #I don't know why but I've been thinking about pokemon lately and how much I want to replay some of the games #every summer I feel the urge to play a pokemon game #and I was just reminded of N #when young me played black and white and N invited me on the ferris wheel with him....#and then when he walks towards your sprite really fast so he basically gives u a kiss #I felt things in my heart towards pixels on a screen I have never felt before #I literally remember using the internet function on my ds to search for N x hilda fan art #and I would save it to my gallery so I could admire it later when I was thinking of him #hilda was me btw #he's still so cool by the way I love you natural harmonia gropius #why do I feel like they have nothing in common besides having stupid looking hair #N immediately starts babbling on about how he's gonna liberate all pokemon and aki's like 'ok what is a pokemon is that some kind of devil'#forgive me I can't sleep and so I need to post about my silly little fixations

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orbdotexe · 5 months

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They’ve been like this for a while now. The Guardian gets hurt, Ghost scolds them, and they feel guilty for burdening him; for dragging him down with them, and being why he can never go home. They won’t listen when he says they’re his home.

bonk bonk bonk. this is my apology for taking so long on... literally everything else. The Cayde short is actually done now, but wasn't at the time of me finishing this one (which has been done for a few days, I'm just. too lazy lmao) so someone bully me into posting Cayde Hug please

Anyway here is a nice Young Wolf and Ghost short! angst with a side of some beloved bickering <3 they are so stubborn but they are soulmates (platonic), your honor.

[ao3 link]

The statues, twice their size, are caught in poses of combat-ready or investigative, some having tried to run farther down the hall. The blizzard swells and dies out farther down the corridor, leaving the blanket of wisp-soft Void swirling around their steps as mist continues bleeding through the cracks in what was once a battalion of Cabal.

Their arm sways at their side, cold blood squeezing out of shrapnel wounds down the side of their body, the other hand tightly gripping Howl. Ghost materializes to their left, but they stumble forward, stepping towards the frosted over parts of their helmet. There’s a shard of a frag launch splitting down through the eye of it; the orange glow dead.

They plant the tip of the sword on the ground to hold steady as they lower themself over their helmet, Ghost trilling worriedly behind them. The streams of blood begin to reheat, numbness leaving the limb in favor of a boiling pain, and they can feel the soothing chill of Ghost scanning their injuries.

Shakily setting Howl down beside them, they move to pick up the tattered helmet, to be met with an irritated strumming through the Bond. “Guardian, at least hold still long enough for me to heal that arm before you make the bleeding worse,” Ghost sighs out. The Guardian only grumbles, before holding the arm out for a proper scan.

The movement itself makes them tense, resisting the urge to screw their eyes shut against the pins and needles and the accidental twisting of metal scraps still in some wounds. They hiss at the cold air, partially regretting the choice of Void as they all but pour heat out through the shredded armor and skin.

They trace the broken edges of their helmet with their spare hand, rather than watch Ghost knit the skin back together. The feeling of the metal shards being pushed out from the inside as the torn muscle pulls back together makes them nauseous.

No matter how many times they’ve felt it, or woken up from a death to their insides still being patched together, or had to pull themself off of spikes for it to even happen—The nausea always comes back. The frustration of never getting used to something so common in their non-life always comes back.

“Guardian.” Their fingers are bleeding, cut on the broken metal. The edges of their vision swims in and out, and they're not sure if it’s blood loss or the hallucinations again. “Guardian? You’re doing it again.”

They blink, and lower the outstretched arm. The burning feels distant, and the skin is stiff with dried blood, but the wounds feel closed, and the repaired parts of their armor are thinner than the parts that hadn’t been damaged.

He sighs, more irritated—exhausted?—this time. “We’ll need to see Drifter again if we want to repair your armor properly. There’s only so much I can do.” It feels as if he’s scanning them, but the blue glow never comes. “Still with me?”

As a soothing pulse pushes through stiff barriers of Light, they feel some sense return to their body and their face soften. Turning their head away from Ghost, the Guardian gives a small nod. A part of them wants to cradle him; say they’re sorry for putting him through this. He should’ve had someone better.

They settle instead for a soft rippling in the Light; the feeling of tucking a sleeping other’s hair away. He knows what they mean.

Ghost shoves his shell into the side of their head, making them lose the thought and duck away. “We’re not doing this again, Guardian! If the Traveler itself gave me a chance to pick someone else, you know I’d refuse every time.” His voice softens as he speaks, and he must have seen the small wince that crosses their face.

“I mean it, Guardian,” he chimes, firm but soft. Wholly faithful. “When I told you, through Light or Dark, I meant it. Even if it’s just you and me against the world, I wouldn’t change a thing so long as I had you.”

They know Ghost means it; they’ve never doubted it—But that’s the problem. He deserves so much better than a monster for a partner. The crumbling, now barely recognizable statues of Stasis prove them, if not a monster, a force of chaos. Both unstoppable, and immovable. Even with the explosives and traps, there was never a chance.

The shared turmoil strains the Bond with impressions of spirals, and Ghost lowers himself to hover just over their shoulder as they hold their other hand up for him. “Monster or not—and I’m not saying you are, but you never believe me—” He rambles, “You’re still my partner. My Guardian.”

And he’s their Ghost. But it changes nothing. The blood is half dried, dripping sluggishly, as he closes the cuts in the pads of their fingers. They rub them together, the nerves still knitting together feeling like pins and needles.

Nudging him with their shoulder draws a huff out of Ghost. “Yes, I’m done. But this conversation isn’t over.”

It’s their turn to sulk—The conversation is never over. Who’s the monster, who’s to blame, who should suffer: Ghost’s answer is always the same—They scoop the parts of their helmet up, moving it to one arm, before sheathing Howl on their back.

They could clean it later. Ghost gives a puff of discontent.

As they stand, the sound of the last remnants of Stasis crackling out of existence drags their eyes up. The remaining wisps of Void smoke are quickly phasing out of the air, and they take a moment to watch the last evidence of their destruction crumble into nothing. Only the damage of weaponry to the building and their spilt blood remain.

“I’d say that’s progress, wouldn’t you?” Ghost murmurs, tone light, and they can’t help but give him a weird look. This quiet destruction– progress? They get a puff of indignity in exchange. “Well, I did get the data Drifter needed, so yes– But not what I’m talking about.”

The look he gives them is… cheeky. They don’t like it. “What I meant was…” There’s an audible smile creeping into his voice—victoriously smug—as he bumps their head. “Youuu didn’t fight me on healing this time.”

Scars. He’s smug about the scars.

They give a thin-lipped grimace at his priorities, and he just beams brighter. “It’s not much, but you don’t make personal progress very easy, Guardian.” They huff and turn away from him, walking down the hall to the back exit.

Ghost rests his shell in the junction of their hood as they pull it back up, both of them knowing the Guardian will walk slower so he won’t fall out.

“I’ll take any win I can get with you,” he chimes to himself, quiet.

#destiny 2 #the forsaken exile #Howl is literally just The Young Wolf's Howl. just to be clear #also GOD they are so soft. Wolf pleeeease what do you MEAN ''the feeling of tucking a sleeping other's hair away''#no i dont care that im the one who wrote it. absolutely insane about how much they care about each other #(sorry if the format is a bit clunky. it looks a lot better in docs and ao3--)#also also obsessed with The Bond between Guardians and Ghosts. literally the only thing i remember in canon about it #is Ghost talking about how far their bond has progressed but that he still cant read their thoughts #i love canon dearly. but im too unwell about the potential of Wolf using him as a translator lmao #it has much comedy potential.#but i also like treating the bond kind of like... the way psions are described as communicating #obsessed with that one loretab where a psion tells Misraaks their ''name'' and its a bunch of feelings... ough #so. here's my elaboration on my beloved Light Bond. even though the last Ghost snippet talked about it #but thats the bond from *his* POV. this time its Wolf!! love Wolf sm #(<incapable of shutting up about either of them)

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perenlop · 11 months

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i get the frustration with so many villains now getting treatment like “oh they had a sucky childhood so actually you need to feel bad for them and not hold them accountable for their actions” but the counter of “this person was born evil and cant ever grow and its pathetic to assume that they can, also people cant be redeemed no matter what and this is fantastic writing actually” is so exhausting.

#like... no one is born grinning maliciously with a knife out the womb. no one starts out that way #and anything thats ever tried to portray a character that way at birth has only ever been ironically funny #idk its annoying when people are like ''actually its more interesting that the character doesnt have a motive for killing people''#like. coming off of bullet train rn but even ''this character otherwise has a perfect life but they accidentally killed and now theyre #fascinated with all the ways people can die'' is more interesting than ''idk thats just how they are *shrugs*''#like yes someone can have the perfect upbringing and social life and still turn out to be sadistic but you can still work with that #as opposed to ''they were born evil thats just how they were always gonna be SORRY''#like. idk go into that ''perfect social life and family''. what did that family value? what were the friends like?#what did that person experience outside of those things? what did they consume?#did their social standing actually breed some sort of entitlement to them? do they perhaps freak out if something doesnt go their way?#are they insecure deep down? does that drive them to it? are they a perfectionist? do they assume peoples feelings?#i remember reading this wc fancomic that explained why a character was evil and like her mom died #and the attention from her mothers death made her obsessed with being fawned over so she started medical abuse #and letting her patients die so that people would fawn over her the same way every time #and the op was like ''HEY before you yell at me shes NOT evil bc her mom died ok she was gonna turn out evil no matter what''#like... no no go into the emotional vulnerability implied there. go into the morbid introduction to slow death at a young age #go into the potential desensitization go into that. youre already willing to make her multifauceted and with positive traits #why are you afraid of implying shes even SOMEWHAT sympathetic and just want to say she was gonna do that regardless #and i fault the atmosphere around this stuff most of all like we should never have implied that giving a villain a reason to be evil #was stupid woobifying bullshit that was out of touch with reality #echoed voice

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cuteniaarts · 29 days

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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

#my art #artists on tumblr #I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already #I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that #exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together #not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know #and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again #I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly #instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her #feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time #well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system #and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her #and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result #but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind #which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever #never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor #but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself #she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret #there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end #even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again #I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing #it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day #she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much #when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was #well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed #I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home #and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me #spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure #and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes

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imflyinoveryou · 2 months

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living with em just has me in this irrational , constant oscillation of idealization and genuine resentment and it’s not fair to them nor myself.. i can’t wait to put space between us ! and i can’t wait to have clarity that brings far more love into my relationships with them.

#and everytime i start to feel like they stole my life from me i gotta remember that like; while unfair; they kinda needed me more than i #i needed to (have a life) as dumb as that sounds #cause now they’re still the same broken people and i actually have all the chances in the world that they never did #and that is so fucking heartbreaking cause they deserve the world you know #so i can’t hate them for not knowing how to be parents. they never stood a chance #idk it feels like all of my sacrifices were in vain bc they’re still struggling but at the same time #they’re sincerely healing in real time. it’s cool to see.#it’s all on their own accord though i have had no part to play in that #and it took me all this time to realize it?#im so angry that they molded me into such an obedient and quiet kid who was too scared to do anything for myself #and they never actually needed me but they convinced me and themselves that they did #and I’ve missed out on so much life. granted I am so young and no one is truly responsible but myself for falling for that bullshit #im just grieving. and there’s a lot to grieve man.#anyways I’m gonna go shopping muahahaha

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rosicheeks · 2 months

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i do not know if i ever sent this to you. i have posted it. i hope you like it Princess.

#uhhhhhm no you HAVE NOT SENT THIS TO ME BEFORE?!?!#I literally am speechless #I’m not super talky right now #but even if I was I feel like I’d still be fucking speechless #like I already said I love your writing 🩷#and it fucking BLOWS ME AWAY when people write about me or use me as an inspiration #like????????? what??????? me???????????!#I’m going to keep this close to my heart and look at it whenever I’m feeling down #I don’t remember if I said that already but it’s true #I need to get a journal or a cute box to put things like this in so I can just grab it and look through them when I’m feeling shitty #one thing I needed to say is the fact that you shared this with me now of all times??? is kinda crazy to me #idk if it’s a coincidence or if the universe/God/whoever/whatever is trying to tell me to go back into music and singing #not going to go into it too much but I’ve been looking at my life a lot lately #and I’m realizing I’m not getting any younger…. I know I’m still young but if I don’t do something soon -#my life is going to completely pass before my eyes and I really really don’t want that #I’m *finally* going to get mental help soon (long story but I have to wait a few weeks)#and once I’m actually mentally stable I can focus on what I want to do with my life #so I’ve been thinking a lot about my performing arts background and then randomly a get an email from a choir director I know #asking if I could please join the choir for their Easter performance cause they could really use my high notes #and she just kept complimenting me and it felt really nice ☺️#then when I went to the first rehearsal I sat next to this girl and we were singing a part and the first sopranos go up to a high A #and I can hit it easily but most of them couldn’t so it felt like I was going this mini solo lol #but she asks me what my range is and I told her that back when I trained I could sing queen of the night which I think goes up to an F6 #and she was talking about how impressive that is #and it made me think about if I actually trained and got back into it how good I actually could get #I don’t mean this to be like ‘look at me look at me I’m so good’#it just feels nice to have a little bit of a direction again #who knows if I’ll actually go down the music path again but it does sound damn exciting #I miss it with all my heart - I miss singing and performing and acting… I even miss music theory #anyway rant over and i ran out of space but thank you so much I seriously can’t thank you enough 😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

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truckstoptigers · 3 months

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when i was seven and our trailer burned down, i thought about leaving my father there, grabbing my brother, and getting us the hell out

i didn't. i ended up waking our father and we all ended up at the neighbors' house

but i should have

i fucking should have

because the minute he had a chance to be alone with me (after we got to my grandma's trailer) guess what he did! shortly after our fucking HOME burned down and the firefighters gave my brother and i teddy bears and wrapped blankets around us for shock!!!!!! fucking christ i hate our father more than anyone on this earth

#haha :) feeling normal abt this!#all i cared about was my brother being safe. thats all. i still remember holding his hand and walking him to the neighbours house #i couldnt see because i left my glasses in the trailer. they put on the little mermaid cartoon for us. i even remember what episode it was #but i genuinely considered leaving my father there and honestly that scares me #honestly i was afraid to wake him up bc i didnt want him to get mad at me. if he got mad at me i would always suffer for it later #milo murmurs #fun fact we lived w someone & his son and his son ended up becoming my cousin when his mom married my uncle #i am so so glad neither or them were home that night #he was so young. im several years older than him & he was so little that he doesnt even remember we lived together #csa vent #tw csa vent #csa tw #also feeling fucked up abt the fact that my father wld put his cigarettes out on me when he was pissed #sometimes i wonder if the fire started because he was smoking smth and passed out while doing it but my brother slept in his room #i feel like they wouldve been much more worse off if the fire started in their room #anyway im pretty sure that the fire was set intentionally bc he had some ties to the wrong ppl #and either they didnt know me & my brother were also there and were only going after our father or they didnt care we were there #to this day even bonfires make me nervous if i can only smell them & cant see them. i hate smelling smth burning & panicking #we live in the country now so its very common for ppl to burn leaves and wood and what have you. its still scary sometimes #i think abt this a lot actually bc any fire still makes me lowkey nervous. less so if i know where/what its coming from but still nervous

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hyp3rfixation-h3ll · 11 months

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Sorry for putting this one out so late, life got ahead of me today X__x I know i made a piece for PMATGA's overall bday, but I feel as if i should make a separate one for, arguably, the episode that literally changed my life, as corny as that sounds. So I did :o) Happy 10 years to the middleaged orb couple that changed mine and, in turn, many, many other peoples' lives. <3 (Feat mine and @cogsincorporated's respective designs for sunny and zac as well as the canon ones <3)

#pacman and the ghostly adventures #pmatga #sunny x zac #sunny pmatga #zac pmatga #i genuinely feel so old . i cant believe it's been so long #im turning 18 this year and it feels so unreal ive basically grown up with these guys #whn i say they changed my life i mean it #i found ghostly adventures and these two when i was young and in recovery from a less-than-ideal situation w/ my relatives #and i got attached to them and when i saw how Little fanart there was i got PISSED and said “you know what? im gonna learn to draw”#“AND im gonna talk about them NONSTOP so people never forget them”#and i did! and now im here. 10 years later #and in a way i got what i dreamed for. people draw them more than when i was active in the fandom #maybe not in the way i'd have hoped yk. but theyre being recognised now #and it makes me happy. its what baby me wouldve wanted #i still remember when it clicked for me that i really liked the name sunny for myself . that was a time #i shoulde probably realised i was trans lol #uh. if youve read this far. thank you. i cant explain how much this episode in particular means to me but it's forever in my heart #i wish i could share the love i had with you all in a way that makes sense #but this'll do too #happy anniversary to sunny and zac!

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puppybearuniverse · 4 months

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thinking about the tragedy that is never truly getting to be close with my family. i feel guilty about it sometimes. but then i remember how hard I've tried, my entire life, to connect. and i remember the things they did to me in return. and i remember that it's okay not to have a relationship with them.

#especially my sister. we were so close when she was younger.#then she fell down the alt right pipeline #then she got better! and we got along really well!#and now she lies and schemes and manipulates like it's her job. almost everyone i know fell victim to her wake in some way #and it sucks you know? because i feel like i knew her heart. but one day she just changed.#trying to kill me for having a friend over while she was at work was my last straw.#i spent years and months begging her to spend any amount of time with me. and when she entered her manipulate era i tried to distance #but i still felt so much love for her. i still felt the need to have some connection.#and then came november. after a month of me being gone - one of the first things she did was try to kill me.#because i had a friend over. while she was at work.#now i feel a dislike for her like i would anyone who acted so horribly.#i feel disgusted when she talks to our mother all sweet like she doesnt lie to her every day.#growing up she was the favourite and anyone can tell.#as an adult she uses that as best she can.#she's been watching total drama lately. i can hear it from her room. it used to be my favourite show when we were young.#i wonder if she remembers. i wonder if she cares.#it's so strange to feel the way i feel about all of this.#i want her to mourn our relationship the same way i do. i want her to remember that i tried and she had every chance to reciprocate.#i don't know. it's all so complicated. and sometimes it still hurts.#wiggle

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yououghtaknow · 4 months

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ben platt was so right when he said (to paraphrase) your heart can break so much that it breaks open and lets love in. that's 2023 to me baby.

#experienced Real grief and heartbreak for the first time in my life #lived alone for most of the year and really Grew Up because of it #lost the three people i was closest with and lost the person i became for them to love me (which is a good thing)#learned a lot about art and life and myself and what it means to Be Alive.#was this year objectively bad for me??? look at all my personal posts honey.#but i feel like i've Grown so much and i'm really proud of myself not Despite everything that happened but because of it #i'm not ashamed to have loved and made choices and to have been wrong about So Many Things!!! i am so young and always learning!!!#i feel like Myself for the first time in Years. and for the first time since i can remember i genuinely feel Fine.#a lot of things are bad and i have bad days (today was one of them) but!!! i am hopeful and i am Determined to survive and be happy.#i do not have to be great!!! i do not have to be good!!! i simply have to be and that is enough!!!#one thing i said this year that haunts me is when the person i was in love with told me i was being silly for having a panic attack #and i responded with 'why should i feel silly for experiencing true emotion?'. and that's just really guided me since i said it.#ANYWAYS. insane year for me. this time last year i was madly in love and denying So Much and this year i am Accepting and loving what i have #this has been the return of isaac's insane personal posts. which are happening So Much Less due to the healing but hey!! we ball!!#i love you friends who live in my phone <3 if you're still reading happy new year and may you find whatever you're searching for <3

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