#also Stuff Happened right before I could finish this lmao. we live in a society | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soooldout · 4 years

Text

201027 Sungyeol is Back Vlive with Sunggyu

He started the show with a military style greeting, and then continued with 'hello everyone, I'm Infinite's Sungyeol!'

He said that it was awkward for him to host the show alone, so he invited a special guest…Infinite's Sunggyu!

SG: *greets*

SY: whoaaa an idol an idol

He said that it was awkward when he was in the military, when he and his military fellows watched TV together and saw Sunggyu wishing the Infinite members who were in the military strength “I saw someone who I usually saw on a daily basis on TV! I didn't know what to feel. You knew how we feel and yet you said something like that jokingly”

SG: I really meant to give you strength though, not to tease you!

SG: How do you feel now

Sungyeol said he got discharged from military and society in general was awkward for him …he's still trying to get used to being a part of society (and not 'isolated' when he's in the military) He was doing whatever he was told and now after so long he can do whatever he wants

SG: Do you want me to order you around then? (afkljdsg;h)

Sungyeol said that he regretted that he didn’t follow Sunggyu when he enlisted. He thought that it would’ve been much better to go through the hardship with Sunggyu by his side

Sunggyu said he had recommended to all members to go enlist together but either Woohyun/Sungyeol said "Hyung, just go first~ we'll go later"

They argued a bit about the above and Sungyeol said, you want us to fight in front of the fans?

More bickering: They almost missed the vlive today coz Sungyeol was late to go to the hair salon, yeol is saying he ordered food and went to change and when he came back to the food he only found half of it…Sunggyu ate it and didn’t wait for him jaslkf;gs

Q: What is something you wanted to tell fans as soon as you get discharged?

SY: The fact that I cried..I found a side of me that I didn’t even know existed

Sungyeol said that he earned 7 minutes of phonecall after going through training for a month, and he called Sunggyu, his mom, CEO but no one picked up because it was an unknown number. He cried as he missed everyone so much. "I didn’t know that I was that much of a crybaby until then”

Sunggyu cried once, Woohyun cried a lot after enlisting too :(

Sunggyu’s finishing up the last performances of Kinky Boots and prepping for online concert.

They asked when is Halloween is then Sungyeol said Daeyeol asked him if it's ok for him to cosplay as Sungyeol for Halloween. Gyuyeol then said then Sungyeol can cosplay as Daeyeol for halloween, and sungyeol/'daeyeol' can 'join' golden child lmao

Q: 10 years ago after military you said you wanted to try trot, do you still have that thought now?

Sungyeol said he had that thought but the ceo turned it down. Sunggyu added that the ceo had his best interest in mind as trot may not be the best for his image. Sungyeol said he was ahead of his time because trot is the trend nowadays. Sunggyu agreed.

SY: if there's a chance I still wanna try (…….let him do what he wants please you haven’t learned your lesson yet ljy its been 10 yrs….)

Q: when did you miss your family the most?

SY: the moment I went in I missed everyone. not just my family.

SG: when did you miss/think of Sunggyu the most?

SY: The first day I was in the military!

He said pretty much every time Sunggyu did something, he thought 'did Sunggyu-hyung do this? did Sunggyu-hyung do that?'

Q: when in the military, when did you feel 'ah I’m part of Infinite'?

SY: basically said as soon as I entered. During the basic military training ceremony they even played Infinite songs, and everyone who saw me would do the naekkohaja gesture

Q: It would be good if you could do a solo fanmeet/album, when will that be?

SY: I would like that too, but I just finished military service (Sunggyu shot him saying that he could have started planning for this when he's still enlisted lmao and that he can do an online concert now)

Before enlisting Sungyeol said he'll try to be active on social media more frequently/longer, but he said he doesn’t know how to do it for a long time? Someone suggested in the comments to learn from Woohyun (yes please)

Sungyeol and Sungjong (or Woohyun? Not sure there are different translations for this part) lived in the same building. Sungyeol said Sungjong is so talkative these days, and he’s bored. He talked about how Sungjong suddenly came over to his place with coffee for him, ever since that day he's been going over to Sungyeol's place for meals almost everyday

Now that Sungyeol is discharged he was visiting his family and settling his own stuff. One day Sungjong asked him what he's doing, and that day Sungyeol happened to plan to visit his grandparents and sungjong went “OH REALLY? I WANNA GO TOO!”

Sungyeol thought, ok there's a familiar visitor his family would be glad to see him too. Turns out Sungjong was busily chatting nonstop during the entire 3 hour journey down (this is the cutest thing ever please)

Sungyeol is thankful that Sunggyu talked him out of enlisting in the navy

Q: did you count down to your discharge date?

SY: for these kind of things, time goes faster when you don’t keep thinking about it!

He also said that there were times even he doesn’t remember how many days he has left but when he searched his name you could see the "d-XXX" too

SG: Dongwoo’s discharge is on the 15th the same day as my online concert

SY: then we can do this together

SG: why me

SY: are you not Infinite?

SG: I am Infinite. I am Infinite’s leader!

SY: Then why don’t you want to do it

SG: Why are you making the decision alone!

gyuyeol just did a brief explanation/disclaimer that they may sound like they're quarrelling but it's basically just excited conversations because they haven’t hung out like this for a while 😊

SG: What does MBTI stand for?

SY: Mental Brain Tie/Tee Eye (lmaoo)

Sungyeol said he will do the test sometime.

*Sungyeol talking, Sunggyu reaches over to get food*

SY: excuse me I'm talking and you're eating??????

SG: Everyone we almost couldn’t make it for the live because Sungyeol was late! he left the shop at 6:30 and our live's at 7! He was eating too!

SY: I WAS NOT LATE that was my first meal! –

SY: and it’s been so long since I got to meet the fans so I wanted to do my hair nicely. And I didn’t even finish my food

Question about mint chocolate

Sungyeol doesn’t eat sweet stuff - chocolate/mint chocolate, cream etc. (for health reasons apparently)

Sungyeol talked about how well Sunggyu did in Kinky Boots

Q: to Sungyeol, musical <Return> is?

SY: a place where I can meet Sunggyu and it was an adventure for me and I met fans through it too

sg promoting <The Day> (his online concert) then said Sungyeol said he's gonna be present too so let's see whether he'll keep his promise

SY: of course. What shall we do when I’m there?

SG: ...let's have a meal?!?! (ok…lmao)

someone mentioned 'tell me 1st promise'

SY: do you remember?

SG: no. you're the one who said it

SY: ah was it the choochoo (train) one?

SG: you can do it (since you're the one who proposed it)

There was some chaos at this point with Sungyeol talking over him and Sunggyu said ‘ok Noisy’ kjlsgf;hgdkk

The following story was mentioned in the 10th anniversary live with Kim bros as well lmao he really won’t let this go:

There was a time when they went to a beach in Thailand and Sunggyu didn’t wanna go into the water because his condition was not good and he didn’t like water etc and Namu and Yeol went up and asked if he wanna go in but he said no. Namu left him alone but then Yeol went something like "LOL YEAH RIGHT" and threw Sunggyu into the water. And he lost his ring so he got really mad.

SG: I told you not to do it!

SY: You always say ‘no’…I thought you were lying and I was young and just wanted to do it

SG: Next time just listen to me

Q: What do you think about doing an exercising broadcast

SG: Yes, can you show your six pack…

SY: No, not to that extent

Q: what was the reason you became obsessed with working out?

SY: there wasn’t really a reason, simply because I did it regularly. e.g. regularly working out for a period of time then stopping, ~6 months later I was regularly working out again so I thought I might as well just make it a regular thing

SG: but what made you start?

*more bickering*

SY: it’s because you told me I have small shoulders

SY: Wow all we have done for an hour is fight

They talked about younger idols covering their songs and how amazed they were. They said thank you to everyone 💛

Q: Any fun incident from the military?

SG: The military is not fun as you guys think

SY: When I enlisted, the leader told the other soldiers not to pay attention to Sungyeol (As he is an idol and to not bother him) but that made him feel kind of lonely (aww)

Q: choose between going back to the military again or trainee days again?

SY: Wow. this is like asking to choose dad or mom

He chose trainee because he did his military really well so if he were to do it again he doesn’t know if he can do it as well as the first time. but he has lots of 'I could’ve done it better' moments during his trainee days so he'd rather do trainee period again and this time do it better

He said that when they were trainees, they were laying down on a rooftop watching the sky and saw fireworks. Apparently, there was Dream Concert happening nearby. He wondered if they would be able to perform at Dream Concert too someday (TT)

Q: Was there anything different about what you heard about the military and when you're actually there?

SY: the fact that I have to take care of myself more

Q: the thing you wanted to do the most in the military

SY said having a different exercise routine (bc you do the same thing everyday in military? idk)

sg: to Sungyeol, what is exercising?

SY: Something I have to do everyday

He said gyu turned him into a sinner on broadcast by saying that Sungyeol forced him to exercise (lmaooo)

Sungyeol's 'to-do' list:

- MBTI

- tell me 'choo-choo' win promise (YES FINALLY ITS BEEN 2.5 YRS)

- go on a trip

- do a dance from his musical audition

Sungyeol said when Sunggyu's enlistment had less than 100 days left, Sungyeol put some distance from Sunggyu because he was afraid if he was too close with gyu till he finished his military then he'd feel lonely when gyu discharged.

Then Sunggyu said "oh you're weaker than I expected"

SY to SG: I wasn’t like you who had the thought of ‘when else will I be able to eat this much?’ In the military, I always kept in mind to manage myself, how to look even better when I get discharged

SG: but.. you ate chicken with mee?? (haha cuute)

SG: *reads out a question about Yeol performing as Freddie Mercury*

SY: *drinking water* *chokes* Someone took a video of that???

SG: Sungyeol prepared so hard for that performance when he doesn’t prepare that hard for our concerts..

Sungyeol wanted to do the men's health magazine photoshoot too he's sad he wasn't given that opportunity. (you can do it now…do everything now while Sunggyu has power)

Comment about how good he looks in his military uniform, and Sungyeol said, yes I know

Q: When do you miss the members most

SY: I saw Sunggyu and Woohyun quite a bit…the thing I miss most is the end of year fanmeeting and doing the New Year countdown together

They showed the cake that said ‘Let’s protect Inspirits now instead of the country’ and Sunggyu said to cheer for Sungyeol a lot

💛💛💛

Translations from yeolsprout, Lusneverland, naggyu, hoslastjuliet, jibeomiejjang on Twitter

#I love seven boys #so much #very long post but very worth it <3 #sunggyu #sungyeol #infinite #translations #sungyeol is back #gyuyeol

37 notes · View notes

stayndays · 4 years

Text

𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟑 : Evidence Hunting

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆! This chapter includes:

Foul Language (Is there even foul language? Well, just in case...)

𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 : “You came here to assist your boss at a party he’s invited to, not to solve a murder with a group of strangers you’ve just met. Yet here you are, staring at the dead mansion owner who hosted the party in the first place, surrounded by nine men with high statuses in society: and one of them is a murderer. The question is who? And can you solve the mystery without being killed yourself?”

Visit the masterlist first before proceeding. It has all the info you need to read this series.

“Are you sure it’s okay to look at other people’s belongings?” You turn to Felix, who’s currently digging through a cherry red handbag that must’ve belonged to one of the ladies who attended the party. “And why don’t we just search each other’s bags and leave the ones who left the party alone?”

“Because if the killer might’ve placed their weapon in one of the other party guest’s bags, as a sort of way to frame them,” Hyunjin answers your question when Felix fails to do so, however, they way he empathizes each point of his sentence with a tub of pink lipstick in his hand almost made you giggle.

“Y/N, do you know why so many women carry handkerchiefs and bottles of creams and… what is this?” Jeongin holds up a thin object in his hand.

“That’s a nail file.”

“Right, nail files, in their bag? It seems like so much stuff to carry around,” Jeongin finishes his sentence, and you hear a hum of agreement coming from Seungmin, who takes out a bottle of rose tinted perfume from the bag he’s inspecting.

“I don’t know either, honestly. I usually just carry around the essentials,” you shrug as you pick up another bag, this one being a particularly large leather mailbag.

You turn your attention to Hyunjin out of boredom and watch him pull out a single white glove from a leather bag, looking at it for a few seconds in confusion before throwing it over his shoulder.

Felix also appears to notice Hyunjin’s discovery. “Whose bag is that?”

“Doesn’t say,” Hyunjin replies, and Felix goes back to the last remaining bag in his lap.

Soon enough, the pile of bags are gone, all of them being thrown off to the side without any care. Your shoulders slump over in frustration. “Did we really not find anything from this?”

Jeongin shakes his head sadly, before pausing with wide eyes and staring directly at you in a paranoid manner. “Then… the weapon could still be on one of us, since we already checked the living room.”

“Well that’s fun to know,” Felix rolls his eyes with sarcasm lingering in his voice. “What room are we searching next?” He asks as the rest of you stand up from the tile floor.

Seungmin starts walking into the living room, carefully avoiding the dead body that has been left there for emergency officials to inspect later. “I think we could possibly find something in my uncle’s office, I used to hang out there when I was a child—“

He gets cut off by Hyunjin suddenly gripping his arm, “Uncle? You mean the party host is…?”

“My uncle? Yeah. I’m not really close with him business wise though, so I can’t tell you if he has any bad relationships with other businessmen,” Seungmin shrugs as he leads the rest of you into the grand office of his uncle’s. You can recall Seungmin casually speaking to your boss about starting up his own business, fresh out of a prestigious university.

A sparkling chandelier hangs in the middle of the room, and right in front of you is a desk with mountains of paperwork on it. Behind the desk is a backdrop of bookshelves, along with a fireplace that isn’t lit up. However, you realize that the room would look a lot more nicer if the sun weren’t down and the night sky didn’t fill through the cracks of the windows.

“And what in particular do we look for in this massive room?” You observe, noticing how the bookshelves touched the ceiling, and how you couldn’t see the top of the owner’s desk due to the aged papers spread throughout the surface.

Seungmin clears his throat and turns to face the four of you. “Anything that can be concluded as a possible motive, such as if we see any conflict between the mansion owner and somebody else.”

“And anything about money. Money is one of the biggest reasons to murder somebody, followed by revenge,” Felix adds, putting his hands inside the pockets of his dress pants. That’s right; Felix’s father runs a bank downtown, no wonder Felix out of all people mentions money in this scenario.

“Then let’s get to work.”

The five of you open drawers and spill out tens of hundreds of documents. Your common sense is telling you to not get involved, remembering how your boss would scream at you whenever you touch a document on his desk, accidental or not, but you put it aside for the sake of being useful to the group.

Your mind drifts to the side as you start to realize how much work you really have to do to prove yourself innocent. It doesn’t benefit you that you were the one who discovered the body, as that would definitely put you as suspect #1 in any given case. You know you didn’t kill the party host, you know that you don’t have that much of a corrupted heart to do such a thing.

But the other eight won’t know that until they can believe you.

Jeongin lets out a small gasp and your head shoots up, his hand encouraging you to come look at what he found. You’re careful not to step over the papers littering the floor as you make his way over him, the other three doing the same.

In Jeongin’s hand is a scroll of paper unraveled, with bits and pieces of the edge tiered out. At the top of the document, in big letters, said:

“Last Will and Testament of Lee Hyungwon.”

“You found his will,” Felix states simply as Jeongin nods. “This can be useful.”

The five of you skim through the letter, ignoring names that don’t sound familiar, until one particular name makes you let out a small gasp.

“Seungmin? Is your last name Kim?” You point at the handwritten notes. “Because that’s your name… right there.”

“Yeah, that’s my last name, but why is it here—“ Seungmin’s breath is caught when he reads the words that came before his name on the will.

“You’re supposed to take the mansion after he dies?!” Hyunjin’s eyes widen in surprise, and Seungmin seems to be just as shocked as the rest of you.

“That doesn’t make sense though. Shouldn’t your children and step-children go before your nieces and nephews when you want them to claim something?” Seungmin mumbles to himself faintly, but the four of you could still hear.

Hyunjin perks up at his question, “Step-children? Did the mansion owner have a step-child?”

Seungmin lets out a deep sigh, “Yes, he does. And it just so happens to be…” He points at the name that happens to be right below his in the lengthy paragraph.

“Minho. Lee Minho.”

Before you could process the information, you hear a loud bang coming from upstairs, followed by vicious shouts. The sound echoes through the spacious office, and you see Hyunjin flinch in the corner of your eye.

“What are they up to?!” Jeongin cries out as he hands clam together from the sound of another bang, this one replicating something slamming a table.

“Might as well find out.” Felix heads towards the door, his shoes clacking against the sleek, mahogany floor before any of you could step in with a different opinion. Seungmin shrugs before following him, and a rushed Jeongin hurries after the two men.

As you start walking towards their direction, you turn your head back to see Hyunjin look at a particular letter one more time, inspecting the manilla envelope encasing it. He flips it back and forth before shoving it to the side, out of your view, and that’s when you decide to turn your head and move forward.

You could only hope that he didn’t put it in his pocket for nobody else to see, as if he were hiding something.

Felix busts open the door, his necktie flying in the air, and you take a breath in at the sight in front of you.

Changbin is shoved up against the wall as Minho holds him there, his fist digging into Changbin’s shoulders as Changbin grunts in pain. You see Chan and Jisung trying to pull Minho off of him, to no avail.

“Hey! Do you think resorting to violence is the answer in this situation? No! There’s a murderer in this house for god’s sake!” Hyunjin’s voice booms through the room as Minho quickly releases his hold on Changbin, stepping back a couple feet. You watch as Changbin’s body gives up, crumbling onto the ground, as Chan stares at him alarmingly.

Minho tips his head to the side in annoyance, and shoves you and Jeongin, who’s blocking his exit, aside to walk through. You hear him murmur a “Forget it” as he walks out the door, heading down the twisted stairs. The rest of the group watches as Jisung follows right behind him in worry, mumbling apologizes left and right as he softly closes the door behind him.

Baffled by what you just witnessed, you wonder whether you should go after Minho and Jisung and find some reasons as to why Minho did such a thing, or rely on Changbin’s perspective to get the full story. You also had a chance to bring up the mansion owner’s will to the others, as well as question how exactly Minho’s related to the mansion owner.

So many options, so many possibilities. So many ways to have an advantage over the others, so many ways to become the main suspect.

You just have to cross your fingers and hope that you pick the best option for yourself, and only yourself.

FOLLOW AFTER MINHO AND JISUNG OR STAY WITH THE OTHERS?

[ VOTE HERE. ]

CHOICE CHOSEN: Search

VOTING RATIO: 9-7 (16 Total)

QUESTIONS (Comments are not answered)

Response 7: Hmm.... 1940s? The author may not be accurate, however.

Response 10: bro you’re lying LMAO

Response 16: And why would I tell you this? Don’t try to get too much information from me. It won’t work.

THEORIES (Will be answered with either Yes, No, or Cannot Say)

Response 1: Yes. No. Yes. No.

Response 2: No.

Response 4: Yes.

Response 5: No. Yes. Yes.

Response 7: No. No. No. No. Yes. Yes. No. Yes.

Response 8: Yes. Yes. No. No. No.

Response 9: No.stray kids

Response 10: No. No. No.

Response 14: Yes.

Response 16: Yes and No.

Good luck figuring it out, players. May the Killer King spare you today.

taglist: @desertofdessert @crscendoforsung @cotccotc @poeticallyspaghetti @skzctnightnight @dreamy-dreamies @nizhonimoon @hanniiesuckle17 @binniesbabybear @tsuki-moons @lbxgsunshine @csbverse @mangoisawesome @yunhoesss @wherevermyway @golden--rain @bubblyjisunq @kimpchi @loey-letters @pokyloky @worldtriiiip @avrea-tt @bossuns @sunoo-luvs @katherineee19 @ph0ebevix @qt-k1mb

35 notes · View notes

battlestar-royco · 4 years

Photo

here is part 2 of my sci fi recs masterlist! again, i could’ve gone on with even more recs but i decided to draw the line here. this set for the most part errs on the darker side, thematically, visually, conceptually etc. i personally find it super thought-provoking and intriguing but that’s just me. i highly recommend reading the tw under the cut if you’re thinking of watching, especially the matrix and space gothic slides. please view at your discretion <3

part 1/2

If you like WLW (um idk why I only made this slide based on identity; it just kinda happened lmao but I think it works):

Siren: (tw: parent loss, grief, thalassophobia) a mermaid surfaces in a cove town looking for her lost sister. Polyamorous relationship between a man, a black/indigenous woman, and the mermaid!!!! Environmentalism! As a person who has thalassophobia, I didn’t find this too hard to watch. There aren’t that many underwater scenes, thankfully.

Black Mirror: San Junipero: (tw: grief, but otherwise none that I recall; it’s pretty lighthearted) two women meet in a beach resort in the 80s and fall in love. Interracial wlw!

Orphan Black: (tw: suicide, infertility, rape implication, VB, language, drug use) a woman realizes she is one of several clones and uncovers an elaborate corporate conspiracy. This is one of my personal favorites with great rep of complex women of all ages and bodily autonomy. Several central queer characters and a black male secondary character!

Starfish: (tw: grief, a few jump scares and brief monstrous imagery, blood) after the death of her best friend, a young woman breaks into the deceased’s apartment and discovers a chain of music tapes that could save the world. Weird, subtle, and experimental. Not to sound like a surfer but you kinda have to allow yourself to be in the vibe. The main character and her friend were definitely a thing imo.

Annihilation: (tw: body horror, VB, disturbing imagery) a team of women scientists explore an anomaly that rapidly mutates genes. There are canonical and coded wlw and multiple (light-skinned) POC in this but the rep is short-lived. I put it on because although it should’ve been more ambitious with the casting, I think it breaks *some* ground for Hollywood sci fi with the all-woman team and more than one WOC. Wack ending though.

Mad Max: Fury Road: (tw: rape implication, violence) I think everyone knows about this one but: in the apocalypse, a woman breaks 4 younger women out of a harem. A badass car chase across the desert ensues. A bit light on plot/worldbuilding, but sooooo cool-looking and very thematic!!!!

If you liked STRANGER THINGS:

It: (tw: VB) don’t actually watch this lmao I’m serious. It’s really stupid, and not in a funny way. But I do think Stranger Things was inspired by this story overall. The modern It films are better but they’re also really kjslsklskls stupid? Stephen King in general is obsolete imo.

The Thing: (tw: VB) an alien that can take the form of others wreaks havoc on a scientific facility in Antarctica. It’s dark and vibey, but I feel like it’s just Alien in Antarctica with truly terrible special effects tbh?? Others feel differently. It’s also classified as sci fi/horror, so stay away if you’re easily scared! Not too good on representation.

Super 8: (tw: some language) a group of preteens witnesses an alien-caused train crash as they’re filming a home movie. Not diverse but I definitely think it inspired a lot of sci fi for the 2010s, ESPECIALLY Stranger Things. Not too scary either!

ET: (tw: it’s been a really long time since I watched so I don’t remember but it’s rated PG) I think everyone knows what this is about!

Alien: (tw: VB) truckers in space discover a deadly evolving alien. One of my favorite movies of all time! I love the aesthetic and the mood and worldbuilding so much. Ellen Ripley is one of the first Final Girls in the horror genre. I personally found this more of a sci fi than a horror movie but I’d say stay away if you’re nervous!!

Terminator: (tw: VB) a deadly android is sent to kill a woman who’s destined to birth the man who saves the world. Terminator 2 is way better imo because it centers on Sarah rather than the dudes saving her and trying to kill her. But it’s still worth a watch, you know, for the culture.

If you liked CONTAGION:

War of the Worlds: (tw: blood) pretty straightforward aliens come to Earth to take over. Sorry to rec another T*m Cruise movie but I really like the alien design and the apocalypsey feel of this one. Baby Dakota Fanning is in it too!

Falling Skies: (tw: VB, body horror, rape) alien invasion yada yada but the alien lore gets more interesting as it goes on. It’s kind of cheesy and yeah maybe I did discover it by looking up the iCarly boyfriend (and what about it??) but it’s nice to have on in the downtime. An Asian woman co-stars.

Knowing: (tw: blood) school students unearth a time capsule that contains a sheet from a girl who predicted all the tragic world events between 1959-2009. This is NOT a good movie but it’s SO hilarious to me because of the acting and contrivances. Fun to group-watch!!!!

10 Cloverfield Lane: (tw: VB, emotional abuse) a woman wakes up in a bunker to a captor who tells her that the world has fallen to alien apocalypse. I think this movie elevates the original Cloverfield in pretty much every way. Again, super tense and moody. The conflict revolves around whether or not the captor is being truthful.

Train to Busan: (tw: extreme VB and disturbing imagery) a man and his daughter are on a train when a zombie hops on at the last minute. It’s Korean with an all-Asian cast; Choi Woo-shik co-stars. I definitely wouldn’t watch if you’re scared of blood and gore. It’s very gross and violent.

12 Monkeys: (tw: ableism, violence) a man from the 2030s is sent back to the 1990s to prevent the plague that will end the world. I think the aesthetics of this are really cool but otherwise it’s not a favorite. But I think it appeals to people who like apocalypse and time travel stuff!

If you liked THE MATRIX:

Strange Days: (tw: rape, sex, nudity, VB, racism, police brutality) memories can be saved to hard-drives and sold on the black market for exorbitant prices. Very problematic and triggering presentation of rape, but young Angela Basset stars and there’s a condemnation of police brutality that’s still relevant 20+ years after its release.

Upgrade: (tw: ableism, VB, fridging) a disabled man installs an AI in his spine to help him move and investigate the murder of his wife. The premise is glaringly ableist and I feel weird even recommending it tbh but it’s got great visuals and a few good twists.

Altered Carbon: (tw: VB, weird interracial body switching, uhhh I haven’t finished this one IDK) in a society where human bodies are interchangeable, a man wakes up in a new body after 300 years of his mind being dormant. A Latina woman co-stars, two Asian characters in a subplot, a few other POC here and there as well. I think season 2 stars a black man.

eXistenZ: (tw: VB, anti-Asian racism, general weirdness? IDK it’s hard to describe. There are guns made out of bones and weirdly sexual visuals.) after someone tries to assassinate her, a video game designer and her bodyguard must play through her virtual reality game in order to save the only copy of the game.

Minority Report: (tw: VB, eye removal/insertion) all crimes are predicted and criminals reported before they are committed. The main character is preemptively accused of murder. This one is really white but it was one of the first movies that got me into sci fi. Early 2000s Colin Farrell <3.

If you liked WESTWORLD:

Humans: (tw: uncanny valley, objectification) androids are household helpers and public assistants throughout Britain until one day they start developing consciences. It hits a lot of the themes of Westworld without all the unnecessary pretentiousness, “edginess,” and “grittiness,” and it stars Gemma Chan and Colin Morgan!!

Blade Runner 2049: (^) an android is ordered to find and kill a human/android hybrid. It’s not without its issues but it’s one of my favorite movies of all time, right up there with Alien. So beautiful, so thematic, so thought-provoking (to me, anyway. I know a lot of people thought it was way too slow).

Ex Machina: (^) a man is invited to a private estate to help test the intelligence of an android. It’s kind of predictable imo but you know Oscar Isaac and Sonoya Mizuno are in it so we have to stan, and so is Domhnall Gleeson, for the SW fans! I like how isolated and quiet it feels.

I Am Mother: (tw: blood, gaslighting) after an extinction event, a young woman is raised by a lone android in a human repopulation facility until one day a woman knocks. It starts off slow and a bit generic, but I’m obsessed with the 2nd and 3rd acts of this movie---good acting, dialogue, and fantastic visuals. It has that same isolated feel as Ex Machina with only three characters, all of which are women/woman-coded!!!

If you liked ALIEN (space gothic):

Battlestar Galactica (2004-2008 reboot): (tw: genocide, war, colonization, VB, uncanny valley, rape, infidelity) space opera that follows humanity as it fights the ever-evolving and powerful enemy of their own creation: androids named Cylons. Um? I L O V E THIS SHOW SO MUCH and I truly do think it’s everything sci fi should be. There is a really unfortunate Miss Saigon-esque romance plot in season 1 and a lazily-written love triangle involving a black woman in season 3, but otherwise it’s one of my all-time favorites and I highly recommend. It’ll spin your mind and tug your heartstrings for years.

Black Mirror: Men Against Fire: (tw: genocide, war, nudity) soldiers in the near future protect citizens from mutant zombies, but one soldier starts experiencing strange hallucinations in the field. This is such an underrated Black Mirror episode starring a black man. There’s brief objectification of a black woman but it’s very anti-military and it has an interesting sterile aesthetic that reminds me of Alien.

High Life: (tw: rape, black holes/space anxiety, very disturbing) prisoners are given the option to join a space expedition and serve as experimental subjects en route to a black hole. Please please stay away if you are triggered by sexual violence of any kind. There’s almost no physical violence in this movie but it’s psychologically haunting imo.

The Faculty: (tw; VB, drug use) high schoolers discover their teachers are being possessed by an invading alien race. I LOVE THIS MOVIE LMFAOOOO. The cast is SO wild---Elijah Wood, John Oliver, Usher, Salma Hayek, Josh Hartnett??? And I’m probably forgetting more. The combination of the cast, the terrible dialogue, and shitty special effects is PEAK comedy imo. But bear in mind it’s bloody!!

Prometheus: (tw: body horror, VB, uncanny valley) a crew of scientists heads on a deep space mission to find the aliens who created the human race. A prequel to Alien, but I kind of view it as its own thing. Despite the plot holes, I love this movie too! It was one of my sci fi gateways and the visuals are stunning. It’s pretty gory though so if that’s not your thing stay away.

Life: (tw: extreme VB) a lesser Alien, but it provides all the space gothic tropes (jokey crew, shots of space, really pretty spaceship, everyone dies, creepy alien) with a well-known cast---Gyllenhaal, Reynolds, etc.

The X Files: (tw: a few episodes contain 90s racism, sexism, queerphobia etc but you can skip them) a lot of people have watched this so I barely have to explain, but it’s one of my favorites. Two FBI agents investigate multiple aliens and get involved in government conspiracies along the way. A good gateway!

A Quiet Place: (tw: child loss, VB, tension) I think most people know what this is about too. Alien apocalypse with aliens that hunt by sound. The daughter in the family is deaf, and so is the actress who portrays her. The representation of deafness was critically acclaimed.

#maxine talks sci fi #movie recs #maxine did you read/watch

88 notes · View notes

darisu-chan · 4 years

Text

Kaien vs Ichigo: A Memories in the Rain Analysis, Part 1

Hello

It’s me again, back with my bs lmao

I finally finished the mini arc of Memories in the Rain pt. 2 and, as I’ve been sort of discussing certain stuff that’s happened in Bleach as I re-read the chapters, I decided I needed to talk about MITR as a whole. If you’ve been following my posts, I didn’t really analyze the first part. I saved it to compare it with the second part. I also thought that instead of just saying my thoughts as I have been doing thus far, I’d go the extra mile and truly analyze both parts, specifically comparing Kaien and Ichigo.

So, sometime ago, I wrote this post about how it bothers me how people compare Kaien and Ichigo as being the same, and using that to establish IchiRuki. When, honestly, you don’t need to. Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship stands on its own. In fact, it is so strong that, years after the ending, people keep being fascinated by IR. The LA was centered on their relationship as well. And it’s still the Ichigo and Rukia show, thank you very much.

And though I made some good points in that post, I decided to further explore Kaien and Ichigo, as well as the events of both MITR and how that relates to Ichigo and Rukia.

It’s probably been done many times before, but I’ve never analyzed them in much depth, so here we go.

The first part will soley be about Ichigo and Kaien as individuals. On the second part, I’ll finally explore MITR

1. The Shiba Gene

So, as we all know, Ichigo and Kaien look like each other physically, and in Everything But the Rain we finally found out the reason why: they are cousins. This put a stop to all the “Ichigo is Kaien reborn” theories people liked to come up with back in the day.

Now, in the story, this resemblance was pointed out by Byakuya and even Ukitake, to an extent. Which means Kaien was designed to look like Ichigo on purpose to further draw parallels between them. What I mean to say is that this is a seed that was planted in the readers’ minds, and as such, comparing both guys was done on purpose.

Interestingly enough, neither Kukaku nor Ganju are ever seen to believe Ichigo looks like their older brother.

In EBTR we see Isshin as a young man, and we can see how Isshin, Ichigo and Kaien resemble each other, meaning the Shiba gene is a strong one, and, if Ichigo had actually stayed in SS, that same resemblance could have been used as a way for him to claim that part of his heritage, but I digress.

We are all aware they look like each other because they are family, so we don’t need to go deep into detail in that aspect. Now the true question is, just how similar are they to each other?

Physically speaking, there are a few noticable differences, like hair and eye color. Kaien’s hair is longer and there’s the fact Kaien has very long eyelashes, as Kukaku and Ganju have. He’s also taller.

Although key differences, they are not enough to negate their similarities. Hell, Ichigo does look more similar to Kaien than Ganju, his actual brother.

But there’s something very important that sets them apart: Kaien always carries himself as if he didn’t have a care in the world. When we’ve seen Kaien, he’s always able to smile freely. Sure, he also scowls, gets upset, and the like, but he goes back to smiling. This is something Ichigo hasn’t been able to do since his mother died. Hell, there’s a whole chapter about that (Can’t Smile Don’t Blame). There are very few times in which Ichigo actually smiles, and all of them are short-lived. In fact, whenever he’s tried to give big smiles, they seem off, as seen when he smiled to Orihime back at the beginning of MITR and later on, in the Lost Agent Arc, when he smiled at Yuzu.

Even when Rukia has a flashback of Kaien while looking at Ichigo, their smiles look very different:

Ichigo more often than not smiles through his eyes, while Kaien tends to smile with his eyes closed:

Although brash and arrogant as well, Kaien is also more mature. He can go from joking around to having deep conversations with Rukia. Ichigo, as a teenager, has yet to mature and will become more and more like a grown up as time passes by. At this point in the manga, he really isn’t there yet. Now, this will be important later on.

In short, even though they look very similar, they carry themselves with different auras. Kaien is more of a free-spirit, while Ichigo is a person who seems to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders.

2. Prodigies

Ichigo, as the MC of a shounen manga, is obviously special. From the very first moment, we know he’s not like everyone else. He’s able to see spirits, which is not the norm. And then Rukia informs us his reiatsu is too powerful for a normal human.

And as time goes by, as he keeps fighting hollows, he grows exponentially.

When Urahara trains him, he realizes that, which is why he tells Yoruichi that if there is someone who can achieve bankai in 3 days, is him.

As the story goes on, we learn that Ichigo is even more special, as he is also part Quincy and Hollow. But he also has very impressive skills when it comes to swordmanship, shunpo, and the like.

What is more relevant is Ichigo’s ability to grow at a fast rate, always learning from his mistakes.

And although he was never taught how to be a Shinigami in the traditional way, we can see how he surpassed his peers.

Now, although Kaien is not as special as Ichigo, we learn from Ganju that, for Shinigami standards, Kaien’s very impressive:

Hisagi, for example, failed the final exam numerous times. Rukia says she barely passed the entrace exam. Finishing the curriculum in two years is a great achievement. And the fact that he made VC in 5 years means a lot. It took Renji, let’s say, around 35 years to be promoted to VC. And Renji was in the special class at the Academy.

People like Ichigo and Kaien are not the norm. They are very skilled and special individuals. Might be because of their genes (it’s never explicitly said, but they might come from a long line of Shinigami), or just because they were gifted with those powers, but the point is these characteristics set them apart as more powerful than the rest.

3. Brash, Rule-breaking, Arrogant

The words above can be used to describe both Ichigo and Kaien, and that’s certainly Byakuya’s opinion of them.

Kaien and his siblings are not like the nobles we know. They’re certainly very different to Byakuya and the Kuchiki Clan, but they also live very differently than Soi Fon, Omaeda, the Shihouin Clan, and so on. They seem to live more like the common folk than like dignified people. Hence, Byakuya seems very against this sort of attitude, at least early on in Bleach.

Because of being loud, less refined, brash, and with a penchant of rule-breaking, Kaien seems totally different to other nobles. However, I dare say these characteristics extrapolate what Ukitake meant in this scene:

Not anyone would be able to go against the whole Soul Society, specially if you are a Shinigami.

Byakuya was certainly not going to do any rule-breaking. As we later find out, he had even promised not to break anymore rules and was going to stick to that promise.

Renji, until confronted by Ichigo, had decided not to go against the SS.

Even Ukitake wasn’t about to start a revolution to save Rukia. It took him seeing Ichigo to decide on what to do.

Basically, only Kaien would have been upfront about his own intentions.

And what we know of Kaien is that he was the sort of guy who would break the rules when necessary. That means, that he would do the right thing. Specially when it comes to saving his peers. He even tells Rukia as much:

He might not have been the most elegant of individuals, but Kaien’s brashness and even arrogance came from the fact he had a good heart.

Now, who does exactly what Kaien would have done?

That’s right.

Ichigo.

Here the comparison of Ukitake trying to imagine what Kaien would have done is directly compared and contrasted to Ichigo, as before that scene Ichigo confronted Byakuya.

Now, Ichigo wasn’t raised as a noble. He had no idea he was one until almost the end of Bleach. But he was raised with the idea of protecting other people and of doing what is right.

We have seen him protect other people, even before he became a Shinigami (his friendship with Chad, Keigo and Mizuiru respectively reflects this, as he saved the three of them).

Ichigo is not the kind of guy who can just do nothing while an injustice is taking place.

Ichigo has been, from the first moment we saw him, brash, rule-breaking and even arrogant, but note that from his introduction, we saw him protecting a little ghost girl. It goes to show that Ichigo would go to extremes to protect others and do what’s right. So, it’s no surprise he jumps at the chance to go to SS to save Rukia, and that he grows stronger and stronger each time to save her, as he cannot let her die.

However, there’s a key difference.

If Kaien had been alive, he would have saved Rukia as 1) he would’ve probably figured out an execution was too hard a punishment for Rukia’s crime, 2) he told her he would always stand by her as long as they were from the same division, and 3) he wouldn’t let her just die.

But Ichigo’s reasons to save Rukia are much more complicated than that. As I’ve said in other posts, Ichigo is filled with guilt, as Rukia’s in this position because of him, firstly because she saved him by giving him her own powers to protect his family, and secondly, because Rukia got taken away to protect him as he feels he failed to protect her.

But, even then, it’s not only guilt that fuels him or the fact that he owes Rukia.

There’s the fact that Rukia is an important person to Ichigo regardless. Particularly, she is kind and good. Certainly not the type of person who deserves to die, much less because of a stupid rule.

Then, there is something else at a deeper level Ichigo doesn’t say out loud

My point with this is that Kaien and Ichigo are certainly the same type of rule-breaking people and that’s the sort of person needed to pull a stunt like saving Rukia from execution, in such a way that this person would even inspire others to help. Both guys are special in that way. However, in practice their actions come from different places. Certainly there’s a closeness Ichigo shares with Rukia due to circumstances that adds more complexity to his intent to save her and that, may I add, also fuels him to such a degree he refuses to lose.

Which brings us to...

4. Rukia

The last main common denominator between them is no one else but Rukia, a person they both have inspired in different ways. However, the type of relationship they have with her is different.

Let’s start with Kaien:

So, their meeting takes place shortly after Rukia was adopted into the Kuchiki Clan and graduated early from the Academy. Ever since, it seems she was judged for both not really being from a noble family and from having been adopted by one. We can say that no one is looking at who Rukia truly is, but they are making assumptions about her at this point. This is isolating to Rukia, who now has to deal with a new identity and a new way of living. She’s now apart from the one person she had known most of her life to that point (Renji) and is feeling out of place.

Then, Kaien swoops in and he treats her like he would treat any other subordinate. He doesn’t treat her like a street rat, a pampered noble or even a pet. And she says it herself that having that normality is exactly what she needed. Rukia didn’t feel comfortable at home with Byakuya, but she could at least feel more at ease in her division, working under Kaien.

Their relationship was that of mentor and mentee. Later on we find out Kaien trained her in swordsmanship and probably other skills.

But he also taught her important lessons about life:

And these are lessons Rukia will carry in her heart the whole series. Protecting others, making others feel welcomed, forming hearts with others. Rukia made hers everything that Kaien taught her.

He’s very special in her life because Kaien was the first person to make her feel as if she belonged in her division, and even as a Shinigami.

In short, he’s acting like a parental influential, or even being the brother Byakuya failed to be at this point in time. Teaching Rukia and accepting her, so that she could feel she had a place she belonged to.

And we know that Kaien was the one to make her feel good

But here we have a power imbalance. Because Kaien is doing the teaching, he’s changing her life, but we don’t know if it’s mutual. We don’t know if Kaien was affected by Rukia’s actions and words. It’s a very unilateral situation.

Furthermore, if we go with the route of Rukia had a crush on Kaien, there’s more power imbalance and impossibilities, as we know that:

She already couldn’t be the person closest to Kaien, as Miyako existed.

Rukia recognized Miyako as having great qualities, probably what Kaien even liked about her, and aspired to be like her:

So, Kaien and Rukia were never in a position of equality for several reasons, starting from the fact Kaien was her vice captain.

This is even exemplified when the find the hollow that killed Miyako:

Rukia acts like a subordinate, trying to be helpful, and is denied:

Finally, there’s a key aspect that I will be analyzing with more detail in another post, but Kaien is for Rukia what Masaki is for Ichigo:

The root of her trauma is that she failed to protect Kaien, who was the person who taught her so much and helped her when nobody else did. Rukia feels as if she didn’t do anything to save him from his fate:

And when Kaien became a hollow, instead of running or trying to help him, Rukia let instinct take in and we know what happens next:

And the fact she couldn’t save him is worse becase Kaien doesn’t blame her:

So Rukia ends up in a state of guilt, because she couldn’t save the one person she probably wanted to save the most.

This trauma will continue on for some time until HM, where Rukia comes to terms with what happened. However, that doesn’t change the fact that her relationship remains a one-way street.

Now, as for with Ichigo, they have a different relationship altogether.

It is true that Rukia was Ichigo’s first teacher when it comes to Shinigami stuff, but it is not as if he never taught Rukia anything.

Their relationship is so special because they’re two sides of the same coin. The fact that one is a Shinigami and the other is a human being makes it so that they end in a relationship of equals. As Ichigo needs to learn how to be a Shinigami, Rukia has to learn how to be a human.

Even when they just tell each other their names, the panel demonstrates this equality

Even the way they’re both holding the sword symbolizes this equality:

They’re both holding it and directing it towards Ichigo due to a common goal.

The fact they also call each other by their first names is important. Rukia always used “-dono” to refer to Kaien, a term of respect, while he called her by her last name. Meanwhile, Ichigo and Rukia call each other by their first names, symbolizing they’re close, something that is even pointed out within the story.

They also grow together.

Not only does Rukia teach Ichigo about his powers and her philosophy of saving others, Ichigo keeps surprising her at every turn:

Ichigo teaches Rukia how to be human, and not in the way of how to appear human or do human things, but how to feel, how to make connections with others

We always say Rukia changed Ichigo’s world, but he had that same effect in her:

It was always a mutual thing.

A relationship so different to any other in this manga.

But the best example of how different Kaien and Ichigo’s relationships with Rukia are is the fact that Rukia doesn’t think Ichigo is like Kaien from the get go.

She’s reminded of Kaien twice:

1. When Ichigo’s fighting Grandfisher, and I’ll analyze that part in the next post.

2. When Ichigo finally appears in front of her in SS and reassures her he’s not going to die. He smiles at her and Rukia remembers Kaien’s smile. She closes her eyes due to all the emotions she’s feeling.

My best explanation as to why Rukia thinks of Kaien in that moment is, as I said before, because Kaien was also reassuring in the fact he was not gonna die, yet he did and by her hand. Rukia doesn’t want to cause Ichigo’s death and she already feels guilty about turning him into a Shinigami, Byakuya hurting him, and everything else he’s gone through to try to save her. Rukia doesn’t want Ichigo to be like Kaien and die for her sake, as she believes she’s not worthy of being saved:

This is yet another thing Ichigo and Rukia have in common, they both feel guilty for having in some way cause harm to the other.

Because, above all else, they both want to protect the other.

The thing is, the two actually achieve it: Rukia saves Ichigo’s life in the first chapter and when Byakuya is about to kill him. While Ichigo ends up saving her from execution, making it so their relationship stays equal.

That is the beauty of IchiRuki.

It’s never unilateral, but their feelings parallel each other’s constantly.

They want to save each other and they do.

They learn from one another, and they have faith in one another.

One doesn’t take while the other receive, they both give and receive something in return.

Because, in their eyes, they are equals.

Anyway,

This is the end of this very long post.

The rest of MITR will be analyzed in a later post.

Thanks for reading!

#ichiruki #darisu-chan reads bleach #tagging it ichiruki because you're the only ones who'd like to read this #lol

81 notes · View notes

ijustneedtowhine · 3 years

Text

I realized I don’t want to work, so I won’t.

I feel like I‘m going to be judged for what I’m about to say. But I’m going to say it anyway. I kind of always wanted to be a housewife. Let me start by saying, I hate the term, “housewife”. It sounds like I’m a human pet or something. But moving past the stupid word, I always pictured myself homemaking, married or not. In school, growing up, when we would have to say what we wanted to be when we grew up I never ever meant what I said. I could not for the life of me think of a job I ever wanted to do. It sounds “lazy” but I never wanted to do anything. Don’t get me wrong, there were things I liked to do. I was a very active kid. I did a million different clubs, stage crew and color guard all throughout high school. I enjoyed it all. But I would be lying if I didn’t say that the second I thought about those activities turning into jobs, I lost all interest. Something about turning my hobbies into means of production, swiftly sucked all the joy out of it. I realize now that it was weird we were being taught to aspire to become workers. I just have no interest in living my life that way (doesn’t mean I didn’t try though).

In the beginning I did try to force my round peg into some of the square holes provided by our capitalist society. I went straight to college after high school. My second year in, I decided to turn my hobby of stage crew into a career path. One very big thing ruined this for me. In order to take the classes I needed like; stage lighting, stage makeup, and the opportunity to work on the crew, I had to major in theatre and take all of the acting classes. YEAH. You read that right. I had to freaking act. I have ZERO interest in acting. Very much not my thing you guys. The program director's excuse was that we needed to understand what the actors did as well. These classes were some of the most uncomfortable times in my life and I really wish I had never done it. Needless to say. that only lasted one and a half semesters for me.

One thing I feel like I should inform you of is that 2 weeks before I dropped out of college, my big sister, my absolute favorite person in the world, passed away suddenly. She had small children and an ex unfit to take care of them. My family and I were dealing with custody fights and a new life no one in my family ever wanted. Looking back now I know that it was incredibly traumatic for everyone involved and played a huge roll in why I left school.

Another hobby I tried to turn into work was makeup and skincare. I went to beauty school right after I dropped out of college. You see, even though I was able to convince my parents to let me leave school, they still wanted me to be working towards a career of some sort. So I enrolled into beauty school not fully understanding what I was getting myself into. Like I said, I am only interested in makeup and skincare. But here, at my school you had to also learn to do hair. My naive 20 year old ass trusted the enrollment lady when she said that I wouldn’t have to do much hair and that the program was pretty evenly distributed. LIES. Hair was 90% of what we did there. I fucking hated it you guys. I of course liked certain parts of it. The material was interesting, the tests were a cake walk, I made some friends, and even dated a girl I met there for a short while. But when it came to graduating to the salon and doing real customers hair for 8 hours a day (before going to my job where I worked 5-6hrs a day 6 days a week I might add) I was fucking over it. This on top of my ever blooming anxiety was a real recipe for me to avoid, avoid, avoid. My attendance was piss poor by the end. I got kicked out because of this. I wasted $20,000 on something that turned into nothing and ruined my self esteem. I felt like such a loser for not being able to finish. I could not for the life of me understand why I couldn’t get myself out of bed and go. Why would I cry at the thought of having to walk through those doors? I knew I had to, but I physically couldn’t after a certain point. So after beauty school I just kept working a shit-ton. I got a retail management job that I was at for a couple of years. I liked it well enough. Management was fun and I was good at it. The day I put in my two weeks notice I walked into the back to put my stuff away and my store manager and district manager were there with balloons ready to surprise me with the good news that I was being promoted. That was a pretty awkward conversation to have needless to say lmao. And to be honest I only left because I wasn’t making anywhere near enough money.

The job I left for is where I met my favorite person alive, my sweet husband. We were in the same department and we started talking when I was new and had no clue what I was doing. He would help me out when I needed it but was too stubborn to ask. We would stand around and talk when there wasn’t much work to be done. I could tell he was really kind and funny, so one day I just decided I didn’t want to stop talking to him. I offered him a ride home that morning (we worked overnight). We went to a park to watch the sun rise and we literally haven’t spent a day apart since. He’s truly the loveliest person I’ve ever known. I can confidently say our relationship is the only good thing that came out of my first couple of years of adulthood.

This job is where I hurt my back, Christmas 2019. I was working 7 days a week 12 hr shifts and I was fuuuckkinggg exhausted. I lifted something wrong and that was that. My back hasn't been the same since. I’ve gone to chiropractors and nothing helps. I can’t even do the dishwasher without having to take a break. So obviously I had to stop working there. I lasted until august 2020 though! I used a back brace and took lots of days off lol. At the end I just could not do it anymore. My last shift I spent the last three hours of my shift crying in pain and taking breaks to sit every 5 minutes. I walked out the second my shift was over and never went back in. I felt like I was ripping my body apart. My now husband, then fiance, and I decided that I should look for something to let me sit. I did that. It sucked. Depression and anxiety got the best of me once again and I stopped going. I don't know what happens to my brain but it feels like it starts to attack me with words, fears and feelings of despair. I shut right the fuck down. I’m not strong enough to push through. And I don’t think that I have to be that strong. Once I had enough break downs about being too scared to leave the house my husband and I decided I would stay home as long as it takes me to get better, physically and mentally. I love him so much for being on board and understanding that I needed a break.

It’s been a couple of months now and I’ve had a lot of time to try and connect the dots in this pattern of my life. I think that I spent a really long time fully convinced that being a housewife in this day and age was out of the question. Deep down I knew it was the only thing I could ever picture doing and being happy with. I loved organization, lists, cleaning, and cooking. Growing up I always felt really good about myself when I cleaned and organized my room. I would sit around and day dream about what my home would look like and how I would decorate it. But none of that mattered when I was being told that I should aspire to do a job and love it enough to do it until I’m in my 60s. Like what? I don’t love anything enough, besides my family, to do it for decades of my life. When I finally admitted to myself that taking care of a home and a family is truly what I aspire to do, the thing that feels like it gives my life meaning, I felt a sense of relief, and then quickly after, some anxiety. I started to get scared of what people would think of me. I know that there are a lot of feminists out there that actually understand the ideal of feminism. They would never down a woman that is doing exactly what she wants (as long as she isn’t hurting anyone). But on the other hand I have encountered so many people, men and women that are really nasty about women that are or aspire to be housewives. So many of the people I grew up with joked about people they didn’t like ending up bored housewives. I know I shouldn’t have but I laughed along. Knowing deep down in a locked away place, it was the only thing I pictured myself doing. I just don’t see what’s wrong with homemaking if that’s what you truly want.

Finally, I’ve come to realize that I shouldn’t be ashamed of doing exactly what I want to do. It works for my husband and I, and that’s the only thing I should truly care about. I picked the side of things that felt like home. Like they fit. The part that brings me satisfaction, joy, and the space to move at my own pace.

#homemaking #housewife #feminist

4 notes · View notes

badlydrawndrawnings · 4 years

Text

atwq book four thoughts

guess who somehow got a lot of free time yesterday and made the bold decision to finish reading the last atwq book? me!

guees who feels like they jinxed qwerty’s fate from the previous book of being arrested, but alive, even though i bet daniel handler planned it from the start? still me!

guess who is rather upset netflix accidentally gave a clue/spoiler on the identity of hangfire?

also me.

okay, so first off, to get something out of the way. i love this book. i really do. it had me on suspense every chapter.

theodora figured out qwerty was in vfd (...when did she figure out? not long after sharon reveal herself as a fake vfd member? or during the period she and lemony weren’t speaking to each other?), and god she really was willing to take the blame on being qwerty’s killer. did she think maybe she once again screw up, but this time there was no going back because the screw up got someone killed? after all she seem to selfishly went to break qwerty out for a good evaluation. maybe she thought if things went different, he would still be alive. and given the schism happened, vfd while not divided yet, this is like a sign on how another librarian’s death in the long, long future, will be blame on an innocent party and things go to hell again in the pursuit of justice and truth.

also, ghede and gifford also knew of the coup as well? or at least knew the sbg was doing something and they’re like let them do this shit and we can watch it’s gonna benefit us in the long run’. also, holy shit olaf name drop take two with beatrice herself! i didn’t think while knowing each other young mean they actually hanged out with one another to think they’re possibility friends. this puts the opera night even worse. beatrice must have knew olaf’s parents. with my headcanon of olaf parents being caring parents to olaf and used their connections to get their son back earlier than others, this is just awful.

getting back on track from the mess that is vfd there’s a murder on a train (agatha christie ahoy!). i admit several weeks ago i made the decision to watch snowpiercer and train to busan so i couldn’t really take the murder on the orient express shout out clearly and kept on thinking of the wild willy wonka and the chocolate factory/snow piercer theory. and zombies in south korea.

all the damn sbts kids just thought it great to share the one brain cell to be on the same train (pip and squeak just follow in their taxi; cleo and jake had to travel through time in the dilemma to catch up with them). ornette got her time to shine with her artistic/sculpting skills and there’s some light on the subject of the lost family (of course it’s a fire that took ornette’s mom life. fires seems to be a way to kill a lot of parents). i was right to call her gung-ho working with lemony, she just agreed to make fake bb statues for moxie and kellar and was like ‘oh shit the two are sharing a brain cell. hangfire could figure something is up what have i done’ and had to make something else to give to lemony. i uh..wonder if seth has a reason to draw her baseball cap all...fuzzy. just a weird question.

kellar’s sister lizzie shows up. i’m going to be honest. she has the bad luck of appearing last and under two disguises that went over my head (she sure fooled me!). i do have some thoughts that surround her and the haines family, but that needs me to re-read the last two books to make sure i’m not imagining something . will say lizzie is much younger and shorter than i thought given her first illustration. i hope maybe a re-read will make me get some new insight on her. also, hi sally murphy. i’m glad lizzie got out with maybe your help (i mean, why else would she want to high tail it out of there).

the identity of qwerty’s killer was something i should have seen coming due to how the mitchum parents are more subdue. i want to slap stew’s parents. they spend all their time bickering they only got their shit together to see how their ‘precious’ son is really a bully and killer and working with the villian under their damn noses. i almost feel sorry for them because shit stew more or less blackmail his parents into covering the crime but at the same time...this call could have been avoid if you pay attention to how your son isn’t the angel you think he is..and you two are still fighting with one another please get your priorities straight i beg you. i admit i almost want to slap stew but i don’t slap kids, and i think if i exist in the snicket world i would get murder first by him.

qwerty’s death and the fact he’s a vfd member just hurt me so bad and i’m still kind of grieving over him. for one, i felt like i should have seen qwerty being part of vfd coming. he’s a sub-librarian. while not a sub-sub-librarian, the fact is qwerty is such so damn helpful to lemony i should have seen he was just doing his best to help lemony because theodora wasn’t honestly...wasn’t doing a good job at a chaperone. but he couldn’t blow away his cover because he wasn’t supposed to interfere in the apprenticeship and honestly he was just happy to be a sub-librarian helping children find what they would love reading.

but qwerty isn’t the only death in this book. i got to copy-paste something from an old atwq post in feburary 8, something i made as a joke, because oh boy, this part is the one negative i have honestly.

he tried to pretend to be her father! i know his voice mimicry is basically akin to juni cortez’s mimicry, but this is just cruel had ellington been there.

about a week later, i made the decision to rewatch netflix asoue. now, the first time i watch season two [edit lmao i actually don’t remember if it was season two i think i hated season two so much i could have blur two and three together i got to rewatch the show again definitely. edit two: okay, i’m certain it was season two i’m 98% certain it was was a pause and read easter egg that’s why i couldn’t remember what season exactly damn easter eggs] i honestly was like ‘so they gave nero a last name. coolio. feint isn’t a surname i was expecting but this is the netflix show this probably isn’t canon to the books’.

on the rewatch, after the austere academy part two ended, i realized something is...off, with nero now. he’s mocking people. and his voice, while not mimicking them, is like...it’s like nero could have inherit mimicry from someone but it never went through. or maybe he did got it but it’s not at its full potential without the proper teaching of someone with the skill...like a father, perhaps?

so the kronk meme is playing in my mind, but it’s the edit of him saying ‘oh no, it’s all coming together’. and given patrick warburton also voice kronk, it felt more like lemony snicket decided to materialize right behind me, be an asshole, and thought it funny to do a commentary on my possible realization hangfire, in the netflix show at least, couldn’t keep his dick in his pants and bore a bastard son in an adulterous affair and ellington has a half brother in the world she doesn’t know about and i hope she never learns about.

(given barrymore feint is just a cameo of barry sonnenfeld, i guess the bullshit gene i talked about in another post regarding a theory who netflix!h is should be renamed the feint gene.)

so reading the third book, and especially this book, i kept a close eye on any mentions to ellington’s dad and hangfire’s behavior. i kept on saying in my mind ‘please don’t be who i think you are’. and bam. armstrong feint is hangfire. i feel like if netflix didn’t have the need to make an atwq reference in nero’s surname, and if i was smart enough to have the book clues smack me in the face (i feel there are clues somewhere, and hangfire dropped all pretenses and just being ‘himself’ in book two was one), i wouldn’t be so angry and upset by this reveal. i more or less got spoil and put the pieces together due to an adaptation, and i should have known better than to do a re-watch while reading atwq. i should have consider the possibility of easter eggs to atwq.

anyway, lemony snicket thought it great to kill hangfire by feeding him to a copy bombinating beast (the tadpoles!!). with ellington right freaking there. with most of his sbts friends there to witness. moxie can’t even look lemony in the eye anymore (no more best friends anymore). everything happened just like that and after finishing the book and taking a walk around the living room, i have to say hangfire is a good villain. he achieved his goal of getting the bombinating beast, even if it’s a copy. he’s a very competent villain who succeed in almost every book in some way or form. he played everyone like a puppet and was a threat that is more akin to tmwabbnh and twwhbnb’s level of villainy. kudos to you hangfire i’m impressed.

hangfire totally got it coming too. however, i do feel...hurt in his death, if only for ellington’s sake. during the walk because i realize ellington reminded me of a character from a different fandom i’m in. there’s some differences that i won’t get into (it’s...complicated for the other fandom), but they’re cut from almost the same cloth: teenage girls with shitty fathers who are using them for their own selfish goals. thoughts for ellington and her future formed faster for me than for the other atwq kids as a result:

post-canon!ellington (a few days later when she finally gets her stuff figure out), has a simple list. 1: avoiding anyone with a vfd tattoo or give shady lemon vibes -ellington split asap after she and kit broke out and have 100% certainly no one is after them, but not before stealing some things from kit, one being notes of vfd volunteers (she thinks). 2: find a new place to live. 3: figure out a new name that isn’t an anagram, because the inhumane society once they heard the news, is probably going to try to get her if they get wind she is hangfire’s daughter and possible ‘successor’. ellington wants nothing to do with the bombinating beast. she never wants to see the statue or anything similar, or hear the words again.

adult!ellington (under a fake name of course), while accepting all that happened, hasn’t forgive lemony snicket. yes, her dad was a villain. yes, she finally understand her dad isn’t the kind naturalist and man, and used her for the biggest ‘what’ event of her life that is also a very selfish goal. many times in the past though, ellington wonders if she missed any signs of her dad’s descend to who he eventually became, or if he hid it very well to where he was wearing two masks all this time, one hiding his true nature. ellington even wonders at one point, dad was going convince her to willingly work with him without the fake kidnapping and had to change his plans to something crueler.

ellington will never know for sure. this is why ellington can’t forgive lemony and will say it to face if they ever meet again. what ellington hates the most out of her father’s death is that she can never tell dad all of her feelings about his wrong doings. she can ask all the questions burning at the back of her mind, or yell her frustrations how terrible a father he is for faking his kidnapping and getting her to do his dirty work, getting her to use her loyalty of family to do things she would never do under normal circumstances. she ask questions and yells at the only photo left of armstrong feint...

and in the end, she knows he’ll never answer, and it hurts to deal with the unknown. adult!ellington doesn’t do the yelling and questioning to the photo as much. partly because she did ‘settle’ on what might be an possible answer, but mostly because the photo is pretty faded to where it’s less ‘armstrong feint’ and more ‘hangfire’. once in awhile though, she slips up like old times.

adult!ellington with her new life (she travels a lot, pays in cash most of the time, and has no set resident; she still love coffee) tends to think of the past, especially when it came to what she had with lemony snicket. did lemony like her? was she just a question in need of solving? ellington admits to possibly liking him, but it was so long ago maybe she just thinks she liked him to have a ‘positive’ memory of the boy she haven’t seen in years that she kind of wants to see again, if only to yell at him for robbing her of something important. his name lands on her radar a lot, twice from the daily punctilio. the first one was learning of lemony snicket’s crimes, and it was an accident.

the second time, she learn of his death, though she read the daily punctilio on purpose in hopes of a name drop. adult!ellington ended up finding some children’s book, and made the mistake of going to the back of it and find a photo of lemony snicket. not really though. lemony is hiding his face (ellington hates it) and she buys it to know what it’s about. it spiral to where she bought the next two books because she wants to know if the baudelaires orphans are real (and because lemony doesn’t seem the same anymore from his writings). ellington settles on real when she pulls out kit snicket’s notes she stolen and cross references names, and even travels to the locations to them to make sure. after the third book publication, the series goes on ‘hiatus’ due to the daily punctilio and their announcement. ellington doubts he’s dead, but couldn’t help attend the funeral. ellington is certain lemony snicket is alive, because she convinced she saw him at his own funeral.

#atwq #all the wrong questions #why is this night different from all other nights #ellington feint #hangfire #asoue #a series of unfortunate events #netflix asoue #asoue netflix #lemony snicket #spoilers #this is a text post

15 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

706

What weird food combinations do you enjoy? I’m willing to experiment mayonnaise with most food. I also dip my fries in hot fudge sundae and because I’m Filipino I have to have my fried chicken paired with banana ketchup. Where do you get your news? Usually from the Twitter and Facebook handles of my go-to news outlets. My dad is also the only one who turns on the TV in the dining area so whenever he’s home and watches the evening news I get to hear the reports as well. What social stigma does society need to get over? HIV/AIDS, dating or marrying the same sex, tattoos... even breastfeeding is a fucking stigma lmao. So many people are babies. What is the best/worst prank that you've played on someone? I hate being the victim of pranks so I never pull them on anyone. What was the last photo you took? My dog jumping up to ask for food last night.

What makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it? Lately our president has been wanting to give nightly addresses on TV every midnight so when I hear another announcement from the government I just roll my eyes because I know it’s gonna be another hour-long speech that not only has absolutely zero substance to it, but made everyone unnecessarily stay up that late. What are you currently worried about? I’m worried about my remaining academic requirements. With the suspension of online classes and the lockdown being extended until April 30 (which is virtually the end of the semester), I have no idea what’s gonna become of our academic calendar and my grades – and the status of my graduation.

A notable school in the country already mass-promoted (read: passed) all their students and is planning to give tuition fee refunds since only two months of the sem were used. It’s honestly the most responsible thing to do for now and I hope all other universities follow suit.

Do you think aliens exist? I believe we aren’t the only ones alive out here but I also don’t think they look like the creatures books or movies have made them out to be. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? Meh, was never a fan of anything mythical/mythological. What are you interested in that most people aren't? Pro wrestling. In my 15 years of being a fan I’ve only found literally a handful of people (at least who are also Filipino) who shared the same passion or amount of interest as I have. It’s just never been a popular topic or fanbase here so I never get to bring it up – and I’m afraid to bring it up because people seem to judge anyone still into wrestling these days. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? My most pointless purchase was a pink bar of soap with lettering that says “Gay Bar.” It’s a novelty item at best and I never needed to buy it, but I had money that day so I did and now it’s gathering dust in one of my drawers. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The PS1 start-up noise is a big candidate. If given the oppurtunity to open a museum, what kind would you create? They have museums about everything now, so I think it’d be a good idea to turn to my roots and make an ancestral house instead and have it in our home province. My family has a rich history and it’d be a waste if we allowed ourselves to forget. When was the last time you immediately regretted what you said? I think last night? We were having pork belly bought from outside for dinner and I was talking about how good it tasted and that it was the best thing I’ve had in a while. I forgot my dad has been cooking us a different meal every single day since the quarantine started and they all have tasted amazing as well. After I realized what I said I felt like shit and immediately downplayed the pork belly so that he didn’t feel left out. What's the silliest thing you've seen someone get upset about? My mom is a champion of this list lmao, there’s so much stupid shit she’s thrown a fit over. The most ridiculous one happened last year when my sister sprained her ankle and my mom would not help her walk around and even walked faster than the rest of us. It was like she was purposely leaving us behind, which confused and pissed me off. Anyway I was left assisting Nina as she hobbled on. Eventually I caught up to my mom and asked her to slow down and to be with us and to help my sister walk. Apparently it was enough to piss her off and the whole ride home she was yelling at me and legitimately sobbing about how humiliated she was when I called her out because she thinks people overheard and are judging her for it. I mean if you’re afraid of getting judged isn’t that proof you know you did something shitty?

The sermon also turned personal and she started screaming about how I was a horrible daughter and that I’ve never done anything right, and that I was a disappointment, and that I was straying further from God everyday and she could see the horns growing on my head. How’s that for abusive? What was the best thing that happened to you today? I finally finished the level I’ve been stuck on in Mario Kart 8 and now I’m officially done with the game. I’ve never finished any video game before so it feels pretty bitching!!!!!!!!! Do you consider yourself a good cook? I don’t even consider myself a cook. What's the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? ^ The thing I just talked about, even though it wasn’t technically an argument because my mom didn’t let me talk throughout.

The next dumbest thing I could think of is probably when my grown-ass aunt fought me back when I was 13 on whether Beyoncé lip-syncs or not. It was a random family discussion and I was just talking about how much I like Beyoncé and she not only stole my thunder by picking a fight with me, but she also made me feel bad about something I loved lol. She was so insistent that she lip-syncs and was so hungry for an argument, I didn’t understand why?????? so I just dropped it and rolled my eyes at my dad. IT’S SO DUMB RIGHT What did you google last? Information I needed for an article I’m currently writing. What fashion trend makes you cringe or laugh everytime you see it? Skirts paired with either denim jeans or leggings, and short vests. All the Disney stars wore them and it was the epitome of fashion for us at the time aaaahhhhhhahahahahaha. What's your favorite holiday movie? LOVE ACTUALLY. For sure. I’d also say It’s A Wonderful Life but it has some very low points that ruins the Christmas-yness for me. How ambitious are you? I’m pretty ambitious and also a bit of a perfectionist, but I’m also aware of my limits and I don’t always jump onto tasks feeling confident. I know what I’m capable of so if I’m faced with something I know other people can be better at, I’ll consciously be less ambitious at it cos I usually let my insecurity get in the way. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? As someone who’s always thrived on being an introvert, the last few months and years have taught me that I CAN talk to people if I have to? And they’re not scary? I had little hope for myself prior to my internship - but it ended up being fun and I met a lot of awesome new people. I also never thought I’d get to write articles solely because I hate interviewing people - but my sources have all been nothing but nice to me. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve always doubted my ability to talk to people and dive in to unfamiliar scenarios, but when I do either it’s always turned out to be great experiences for me.

What topic could you spend forever talking about? If we’re going for what’s been the most recent hot topic, it would be the government’s incompetence in dealing with COVID-19 so far. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? Over. What word is a lot of fun to say? I dunno. I don’t think of words in terms of how fun they are to say. Maybe curse words? HAHAHA If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? Assuming the internet is nothing to worry about, I’d watch all the series I’ve long planned on watching but can’t because Netflix does a big pull on the entire household’s connection. Are you usually early or late? Early or on time. There is no ‘late’ for me. What do you wish you knew more about? The future. Not knowing the answers to it is so irritating/boring to me. What is the most annoying question you've been asked? Asking if I go to rallies/am an activist/am part of the NPA just because of the school I come from. None of those things are bad at all, but I’ve always been annoyed at the stereotyping. How different was your life 1 year ago? I wasn’t graduating yet then. And I was OUTSIDE MOST DAYS because there wasn’t any fucking virus. What movie title best describes your life? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, except I literally have to be stuck at home. What was the last lie you told? Telling my groupmates I had some family stuff at home to fix before getting started on our group project, but really I had to take a bath first because I wanted to feel fresh while working. It’s a minor lie, but it still made me feel bad. What type of music do you listen to? It’s usually varied but my go-to genres are indie pop, electropop, alternative rock, punk rock, *some* indie, R&B, and pop.

Are you a good listener? Yeah, it’s why I prefer to be one than a talker. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Cookies and cream or some peanut butter/chocolate concoction. Do you think you're brave? I can be. Just not about everything. What are you most grateful for in your life? The relatively comfortable life we live considering where we live. And that covers everything from the food we eat, the schools we’ve been sent to, where we get to travel (or the fact that we can travel at all), etc.

What was the worst phase in your life? My rebellious, no-one-understands-me, angsty teen phase when I was 12-13 and my time readjusting in college when I was 18-19. What is a relationship deal breaker for you? Verbal abuse. What are some things that give you complete peace of mind? Staying in coffee shops, driving at midnight, views of the skyline at night, staying on the rooftop at night and being under the stars... I just like a lot of things about the night. Would you like to explore another planet? Yesssssss. Who was your favorite cartoon character as a child? Spongebob. Cosmo from The Fairly Oddparents comes at a close second. What would you do if you were the president of your own country? Right now? I’d assure people everything was being taken care of – mass testing, support for doctors, provision of PPEs and free transportation for frontliners, making all the senators (who are all expectedly not doing anything, save for one) work their asses off, put part of the P275B fund to assist middle- and lower-class people who can’t – instead of imposing shoot-to-kill orders for the military to anyone criticizing the government or rambling about absolutely fucking nothing in nation addresses.

#survey #surveys

1 note · View note

comicteaparty · 4 years

Text

March 21st-March 27th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from March 21st, 2020 to March 27th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What are some background details you know about your story that won’t ever actually come up in the main narrative?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Oh boy... So many in Whispers of the Past... The first—which I believe I've mentioned before—is that some of the characters' sexualities never really get brought up outside of some subtle subtext. For example, Ryukou is asexual aromantic, but he is married, and he honestly doesn't even know that being aroace is a thing. His wife, Maya, is bisexual, and her attraction to women is hinted at, but not explicitly said. The second background detail that will likely never make it into the main narrative is Kelan's grief after SPOILER the death of his wife. END SPOILER The story takes place years after this event, and yet he still hasn't completely recovered. That being said, it just never really comes up in the narrative, again, outside of subtext. Thirdly, Izrekiel actually has a dependency on physical contact and skinship, because of the lack of affection he was given as a child. This, once again, only really comes up in subtext and is hinted at through his actions, but it is never explained. Aaaaand finally, there is a lot of magical lore that is never explained even remotely. In the story, it is treated very much like a soft magic system, but there are some "harder" elements that go into explaining why certain things have happened, but... they are not actually explained in the story. More like... I know about them, and I can explain these things to anyone who cares to ask (edited)

Capitania do Azar

Oh I suppose that in https://www.sarilho.net/en/ I'm never gonna go in detail about the geopolitics, the different power structures or even how the main empire is structured. We may get hints at it, but it's not necessary for the story so I don't think I'm gonna include much. Details about characters' sexualities are prolly just gonna be hinted at mainly because they don't have the words to express them the same way we do Also I really care about the differences between the different languages and particularly between the spoken and written versions of these, but I can't find a way to have a character explain those just because so you'll have to figure it out through background information like posters and graffiti

sagaholmgaard

Ohh this prompt came at the right time because it's been on my mind lately!! In Reclaim, https://tapas.io/series/_Reclaim_ My two main characters, Albus and Styrka, are in a queerplatonic relationship, which they don't have the word for and it doesn't ever come up except in subtext. I'm trying to write them so that it really shows that they love each other, and everyone knows this, but there won't be a point were they "get together" so to speak because they already have everything they want between each other! And I'm very Soft for this but also nervous that when the story is finished people might feel let down that it doesn't end up in straight up romance? if that makes sense And there's a lot of history research I did that is contextually there but not mentioned in words. That's just one of those things where my knowledge is deeper than what shows in the comic, but I think the story is better for it :D (It's not historic fiction because I'm taking a lot of liberties, but the research is helpful all the same)

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

One of the paladin/church knight's gay, but it never comes up, because, you know, marriage in their world's decided by the parents, because it's a matter of inheritance and heirs not love. He's married, and actually decent friends with his wife and children, but he's taking his oaths seriously. So he never even mentions the people's he's attracted too.

There are openly gay couples in the story, it just didn't work out for him; his family needed that alliance.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

In Phantomarine (http://www.phantomarine.com/) I have two gods that drive the entire story. But seven other gods existed at one point in time. I will be delving into at least two other gods’ stories - as a good background for why the remaining two are in such a tumultuous relationship - but there are five others that I don’t really plan on writing about in great detail. Their symbols and names may pop up in various texts/decorations/etc, but there’s not enough time for a super detailed character study of each. Perfect for side stories, though

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Rainy Day Dreams (http://rainydaydreams.mariahcurrey.com/) takes place in an alternate dimension and the plot deals mostly with interdimensional travelers, but the world is post first interstellar contact also. Only the story isn't a sci-fi so there's no real reason to talk about how robust their space program is and there are already monsters so there's no easy way to tell who's a native and who's and alien.

eli [a winged tale]

Whoa Mariah that sounds fun! I love how everyone’s worlds are complex and in depth and there are clues within the story

Would these details be part of another project/side stories/lorebook? What’s everyone’s plans for these secrets

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

My secrets are basically just stewing in my brain I mean, I guess if a reader ever asked, I'd spill all the secrets, but so far, that hasn't happened.

Tuyetnhi (OIYD!)

same lmao

I guess a background detail the comic won't get into is how the imagery in Cara's dream became promiment before her dream boyfriend came to the picture. I did wrote a prequel where she was having dreams of her late grandma who's stories got super visual in her head. Most of the events she told to Cara were from late 70's Vietnam.(edited)

some of those dreams and nightmares were partly inspired from my parent's part growing up in the time, such as my dad encountering a ghoulish corpse with his grandpa and my mom actually building things from a hut in the jungle

so yeah lmao. ghost story dreams

eli [a winged tale]

Mariah I’m curious about non-scifi parallel universe space program alien monsters are they more the reasoning for how the story exists but you won’t be going into depth with them? (Ie not a plot twisty thing?)

Ghost story dreams and parallel places in real life sound like a good atmosphere/mood element in your story!

Tuyetnhi (OIYD!)

yeah lmao. I wasn't sure how to add it but Cara does mention about her grandma's story in future chapters (if my hands let me draw faster lolol). but as a small tibit. Maybe I'll sit down and write more as a side story lol

eli [a winged tale]

Side stories sound like a great way to showcase more of the world

Tuyetnhi (OIYD!)

I'll consider it lolol

mariah (rainy day dreams)

They're just kind of an additional details that I came up with while thinking about the world. The planet itself I decided a long time ago is Eart but like 100,000 years in the future so the tectonic plates have shifted and the continents are different. The setting is kind of a mix of old-timey and futuristic, but also mixed with magic so the lines between what is technology and what's just supernatural are already pretty blurred. So since it's already sort of a futuristic society I thought it would just be a neat addition to also have had aliens either have shown up or been discovered. I also figured that since the world is super used to inter-dimensional travelers they probably wouldn't be super freaked out to life from off-planet since they already know they aren't alone in the multi-verse? X'D but this stuff really doesn't have any baring on the main story. Like it might be something Mara tells Tristin as some point to blow her human mind. I just like to dig into little setting corners and make tunnels readers probably won't ever see X)

eli [a winged tale]

Ooh that sounds really neat! A big world to discover for the attentive readers

DanitheCarutor

Oh I got some stuff! 1. Part of this can be spoilers for future scenes, so I'm putting it behind a thing. SPOILER Apollo's origin. He was adopted and while at some point him and Julian discuss his parents briefly, it never really comes up in the main narrative. Apollo himself doesn't really care much since he was adopted as a baby and doesn't even know who they are outside of a picture that was given to him as a kid. Essentially they were an Irish couple who moved to the states, the father died at some point and the mother followed close behind during childbirth. There weren't any known relatives, at least ones that wanted to him, so Apollo went into the system and was lucky enough to be adopted almost immediately. END SPOILER 2. Julian's origin. This is kind of brought up briefly later on, but Julian doesn't really know where they're from so nothing much comes of it outside of remembering small bits of how their life was before being found. Although it is eluded to what the situation possibly could have been. 3. Julian's real age and date of birth. Since they didn't have any kind of ID the doctors had to guess their age, which isn't an important detail for the story so I don't see a point in adding it. 4. The details of what happened at Hopeful Hands. This place is discussed a lot, but the talk is more about the trauma that was inflicted and how to move on, rather than lingering on the details. Although enough of what happened is brought up to get a good picture of what kind of place it is/was. I figured laying it all out would be a little too much, and would take away from the main point of the story. 5. The lives of Apollo's friends. There are a couple side character who get fleshed out a bit later on, but since the story isn't about them I didn't see a need in showing more than what is necessary.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Hmm... there's certainly quite a few things that don't show up in the main narrative. Like Super Galaxy Knights Deluxe R is very much the Mizuki show, very few other characters get deep explorations into their backstories. But, like, that's what the short stories are for. As for things that never show up in the series at all... the only ones I can think of are the history of the world (because, like, it's pretty boring) and the specifics of how certain technology works. Like, I have a list of people & companies that various locations in the series were named after, and a list of the dynasties in the Giduli Kingdom. There's... not really any interesting stories there, it's just a dry list, so it's not something really worth caring about. And, like, saying "FTL travel in this world works by traveling to a parallel universe where everything is exactly the same except half as big" is kinda interesting I guess... but there's no reason for any character to mention it, and that specific detail really isn't relevant to the story besides "there is FTL travel in this world".

Feather J. Fern

Oh man, for Teasday, any detail about what the actual background of the story is. It's mostly character driven, if the characters don't care, or don't know, they don't talk about it. For Go Figure, I think no one is going to be told anything about the other battles in the past but they did happen.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

There are so many stories I have built into the backstories of various characters that probably won't come up in the main work but have thought about making other adjacent comics about. For example I could imagine doing a prequel type thing about Joe's life & exploits

Since he is a cool character but unfortunately dead for this entire story

AntiBunny

In AntiBunny, http://AntiBunny.net/ I can't think of any reason to bring up the fact that Runo is asexual. Juju is also bisexual, and that also never comes up.

Desnik

Right now it's the warlock's magic system. I got it all worked out and then it suddenly had nothing to do with my plot.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I think sexuality details are easier to work in than a lot of people expect. You don't need a character to stand up and announce Have I Mentioned That I Am Asexual Today -- it can be an offhand mention that not all your readers will even pick up on. (But the ones who are looking for it will notice.) https://leifandthorn.com/comic/family-deserts-4-33/

What I've teased but never been able to work into Leif & Thorn canon (yet?) are the details of the World's Largest Cheese Sculpture.

There's also a lot of country names and flags in the bank that haven't shown up yet...but I'm about to draw scenes from a big international song competition, so I'm probably gonna need even more than I already have.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

TBH as an ace person, I don't really pick up on these things. It has to be more concrete for me. Kudos for those who do pick up on them and find them validating, though.

The cheese sculpture sounds epic.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Ahhh, that's what "reading the comments section to check out other people's theories" is for!

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I do that, but I don't consider that canon until the actual comic convinces me

It's also not something we creators can rely on, especially those of us who don't get many comments...

I'm not saying this is bad. Offhand mentions are great, just not concrete proof for everybody (and nothing is for everybody, sooooo).

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Yeah, as a reader I like a lot of comics that don't get many comments...but it's cool when they do and there are people coming up with things.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

So I get it if a fellow creator finds it difficult to show that a character is ace -- like, maybe they're like me and they want Concrete Proof rather than an indication.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

But the creator would already have concrete proof, right? Since it's their character. And the idea is that, even if it won't reach all readers, the indications are still better than nothing.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, like I said, they're not bad to have.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

(for reference, the comic I linked above isn't the first offhand-mention related to that character, it's just the point when readers started putting it together)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm not trying to dissuade anyone from slipping in those indications. Just saying different strokes for different folks.

DanitheCarutor

Reminds me of a comic I read called 'WANDERING' (https://tapas.io/series/wandern), the main male character in it is ace, although this is never stated out right in the story. At some point readers were speculating about his sexuality due to some hints, although I was totally oblivious. Didn't have any idea where the discussion came from. I do agree that a reader is more likely to pick up on something if they're looking for it though, as someone who doesn't care too much about a character's sexuality and gender (when those subjects aren't important to the story) I don't pick up on then unless the author holds my hand a little. Although when it comes to one of my character's genders it's never stated in my comic either, someone just asks about pronouns and attire later on and that's it. Kind of ironic. Lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm in a similar boat. Most of my characters' orientations are left ambiguous. I may need to drop an additional hint or two for some of them...

DanitheCarutor

Pfff right? I don't think my comic even had the word 'gay' in it until a few pages ago and I'm already into chapter 5. (to be fair, Apollo's sexuality is pretty obvious. The hits are really unsubtle.) I've thought about making my character's gender more easy to read for oblivious people like me, but that part of the comic is more about what makes them feel good in their own skin rather than putting a title to it. So people who miss my Twitter posts and author's comments can just speculate for themselves, I guess.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I can respect that. For me, a big part of the reason I'm wanting to put more hints is because I don't want people to accuse me of.... what people accused Legend of Korra about (I didn't watch it, but I did see some of those complaints)

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Ah... The good ol' "why is she randomly bi?"

They didn't do a good job of showing it throughout the series up until that point at the end

But, big but, the creators mentioned that she was always intended to be bi, but they were afraid that Nickelodeon wouldn't let them represent a bi character on TV.(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Again, coming from someone who hasn't watched it, I feel like the complaint should be "why is she suddenly in love" rather than "why is she suddenly bi" -- same issue with shoehorned in straight romance

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

That too

These characters were fighting over the same man at some point

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

big shrug indeed, it sounds like

DanitheCarutor

Oooh! I thought it was the "stop the show to announce my gender/sexuality" thing. I never saw the show either and didn't see many of the complaints since I don't hang out on social media very often. Lol @keii’ii (Heart of Keol) That's understandable! With how stuff like that is nowadays it's better to be safe and make sure readers know, rather than not make it known till the last possible minute. It does kind of suck if putting in bigger hints doesn't mesh with will your story though.

Gosh, about the Korra thing, they could have dropped some subtle pick up lines in while fighting over the dude. But not wanting your show to get pulled or not wanting to be denied stuff is understandable.

Tuyetnhi (OIYD!)

oh yeah, the LoK convos about Korra and Asami. I watched the show during that time and it's just rip

Nick said to the creators they will pull the show if there's an explict statement that Kora and Asami being BI

so they had to be lowkey as hell in the end, which at the time of 2013-2014? idk the year

it was a steping stone for american cartoons I guess rip

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, and even though LoK aired back when things were a little different.... honestly I still feel that kinda pressure from EVERY angle, just a different flavor of it.

Tuyetnhi (OIYD!)

yea

DanitheCarutor

Well, last minute LGBT+ is better than none. Now there are a few shows like that, right? SU is super into it? (I don't watch this show either so I'm guessing based on fan discussion) and the MLP final dropped in some last minute stuff.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I have at least one character with cross orientation, and that's really awkward to show when I don't wanna put any... sex in the comic. (It's got lots of juvenile "tee hee butts" kinda stuff, but nothing steamy)

AntiBunny

Other tidbits I've thought of that I couldn't really address without just dropping a big exposition bomb are bits of lagosapien biology. They for instance have a shorter adolescence than humans, so they're shorter, but reach adulthood sooner. Their eyes are a bit wider than a human's, giving them a wider field of view, but less depth perception, and that they have higher muscular density, but being about half the size are on average human, are a little weaker than an adult human.

eli [a winged tale]

I know some webcomics have world lores and character notes at the end of each chapter

mathtans

Oh, things that don't show up? Randomly I'll toss in here that Expona is left handed. (Mostly consistently, I may have slipped up in the art once or twice.) Never something that makes sense for characters to talk about though, and not plot relevant, so... does that qualify? I dunno.

Joichi / Sarah

@Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn) sorry I'm late but I like the way you point out about asexuality. I was thinking of how to show concrete proof one's ace. But most of the time, I can pick up 'emotional signs' if it has inner monologue about romance.

The hard part of it, is being one myself, and it's always 'been like this' but in comic, it has to be said somewhere

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Ah, good to hear!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

And yeah, that was my intention, encouraging people who feel stuck between "explicit announcement" or "nothing at all" to remember that you have in-between options. And if you take that approach, there's all kinds of creative/offbeat/fun things you can do with it.

(Applies to everything else, too, sexual orientation just happens to be the thing people were talking about when it came up.)

#ctparchive #comic #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble #comic tea party #ctp

1 note · View note

modern-oedipus · 4 years

Text

Check-List for the Goals I settled for 2019

The funny mistake I’ve made earlier lead me think about what I’ve expected from 2019 when we started it. I found a list of the goals I made while we were entering the new year’s and here is a realistic evaluation of how it went.

• First of all, I wanted to manage my depressive episodes better. I wanted to have them less frequently. I wanted not to be absolutely crashed if a trigger hit me. Here’s how it went with a rough statistics (yes, because I’m a soon-to-be scientist, I actually made a graph of my own mood swings as if I am a test subject).

✔️ January was absolutely terrible for me. I had so much anxiety because of a toxic relationship and I wasn’t sure if I could ever live without that person. I failed two classes and withdraw a third one. I was super anxious about my internships. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be on the path I was and I was also having financial troubles. Also, one of my pet birds had passed away.

✔️ February was the month I truly felt like something in me was changing for the better. I felt like something clicked after the winter break— when I was, in a funny way, forbidden from consuming sugar for three days. I used to eat a lot of sugar/sweets to cope with my stress back then, to the point I still amaze at myself for not being overweight, plus size, or developing diabetes; because I really was eating too much sweets. But then I had a conversation with my father that feels unworldy, and combinated with the tree days no sugar diet and beginning of the new semester I suddenly felt like, even if I couldn’t fix everything, I could fix something. I had to start, regardless of how little. So I started by eating carefully— so significiantly less sugar consumed than I used to be, but I didn’t force it all at once. So if I were eating 3 brownies a day I decreased it step by step to 2 brownies a day, one brownie a day, and... At November 2019, it is probably a brownie once in 15 days. With even more pleasure than eating 3 brownies at once. (Don’t worry, I still let myself be free of eating whatever I want occassionally. I’m taking care of my health). Anyway. I started to hit up gym in my college for first time ever. I was so painfully inconsistent, but I knew that much was to be expected, so instead of getting angry at myself for not being a regular I just appreciated myself for going despite not being a regular.

✔️ March was a turnpoint. I decided to be bold enough to pursue my ex hobbies that I lost because of depression, one of them being writing. I’ve had a strong muse for Norman back then. I made a new account on Facebook. I knew no one, but to my luck I made so many friends. I drowned in NorRay ship with a very nice roleplay partner. I built new friendships away from the toxic partner of mine who was seriously causing a lot of damage on me. By the end of March we broke up and— surprise, my world didn’t end. I felt so refreshed, so alive, as if I was freed of my chains, and up until this day this feeling stands. I was more eager to pursue new hobbies, talk about my interests and do crazy shit instead of worrying my ex would think. I was happier. Much happier. This too, is still valid.

✔️ April was... unworldly. Because something that relates to my society happened as a big improvement and I was extremely positively surprised. This feeling is valid up to this day as well.

✔️ May... May was wild. I got kissed by a random stranger at the spring fest party. This fucking event lead me to write Conflict. Seriously. I built stronger friendships, online and offline, during this month. I felt truly connected.

✔️ June!!! June was so weird! It was my first break after one or maybe two years of depression. It was my first free holiday in which I didn’t reall feel like I was a waste of time, space, effort, money, etc. I got to walk around streets with a burden off my shoulders after so long. I got to look forward to the next days. The insecurities hit me up sometimes, but significantly less frequently, as I aimed in the beginning of the year. At this point I have had lost a good 5 kgs and had been eating very healthily too, and I was enjoying this new healthier lifestyle I adapted. This is still valid too.

Let’s examine June a little more carefully. At the end of the June I was going to go out of town to have an internship at a very prestigious university out of town. Which meant I had to stay in student dorms. I had no background about my field of internship yet. I was going to be utterly alone and I was freaking out about it. I’ve spent last week of June extremely tense because I don’t live in dorms normally and sharing a space with people and being alone at a professional place and things like doing laundry felt terrifying. But at the same time I was proud of myself because I’ve had always wondered how life would be living in a college campus, and this school I went was the best in my country equal to the university I am attending. Overall, it was prestigious and I was very excited.

Another important thing about June was that I’ve had written almost ALL of Conflict in my head with two of my roleplay partners eagerly listening to me and encouraging me whenever I plotted.

Have you noticed this?

My story was completed BEFORE I even posted.

At the end of June, a few days before I was about to leave for the internship, I had a breakdown. I had a bad breakdown. I had first draft of Conflict completed but I could never get to edit it. I could never get to post it. I didn’t even have an account. I didn’t really expect much interest in the story either, I just... I don’t know. I think I just thought, “Wow, this plot is so feelsy. I shouldn’t keep it buried in me. Maybe other people will love it too.” and I... kept Conflict waiting... for so long. Then I had a breakdown thinking I can’t do a fucking thing right and I’ll never get to post anything because I always let my “depression” take over it— which is a funny excuse because I wasn’t even depressed at June. Scared yes, but not depressed. I hate playing the victim. Objectively speaking, I wasn’t at my best but it wasn’t my worst either. Anyway. I left first chapter of Conflict linger there for a few weeks, hopeless that I could ever post.

✔️ Then comes July. I came to the internship city! It was AWESOME. I LOVED the campus, LOVED the experience, LOVED my field, and ENJOYED dorm life. I made many friends. I had roommates. I worked out more often. I went to sightseeing. I extended my network. I did A LOT of fun stuff.

On the first night I was at dorms, my two roommates were out. I didn’t know anyone yet. I had ONE night free to do anything. I was... in an awe. So I opened the documents. I looked at the pretty sight from my dorm room and I said, “Well, let’s do this.”

It was like a torture to finish that first chapter.

I had no expectations when I posted.

But oh my god, it felt like something clicked when I posted! Getting my story POSTED was a significant proof that I was SERIOUSLY moving on from the LAST traces of depression. It was something I created. It was MY productivity. It was ME. But in a way it was everyone. I felt extremely happy. Oh— did I mention Conflict is my first fanfiction?

Anyway, then I began to look forward to updating. Living in campus had it’s amazing advantages, such as no time wasted on transport, and ability to chill at coffee shops or 24/7 open library ALL NIGHT if I wanted. Which was wayyy less depressing than the environment of my house. I wrote. I felt super engaged. The simple fact that I could exist and produce something and have other people respond to it was something I could never imagine myself doing back on my depressed days. (But I could totally imagine this BEFORE I got in depression. In a way, I was back. I am still back. And I’m so grateful.)

I wasn’t only fooling around to write, though. I’ve been learning a lot. Experiencing a lot. Living a lot. It was amazing. I even binge watched Harry Potter with my roommate— and I hadn’t rewatched it before. (I had fucking forgotten that Sirius died, lmao.)

I also briefly fell in love again. It was a nice brief summer thing. Still think she’s amazing.

I need to go now, actually, so I’m abrubtly cutting this post off halfway to edit later. I don’t know what I earn by sharing this. I’m definitely not looking for attention— maybe you’ve realized it before but I give very little fucks about what people around me say (except for constructive critism). But somehow, I felt as if someone needed to see this. I don’t know that person. I don’t know who they are and when they are reading this. I just want people to know that there is an example of a girl who seriously changed a lot within span of a year by constant hard work, gentle-self-talks, and constant push-throughs even when she’s not motivated. Right now I’m far from being depressed nor suicidal, I’ve lost enough weight to dress up all bold clothes I LOVE to wear, I’ve built self-confidence, etc, as I will edit later. I just... want you all to know... even if this is not valid for everyone if you want something to happen you have to MAKE it happen. And it actually HAPPENS when you MAKE it happen. So, you don’t have to stay stuck in a bad cycle. You don’t even need a new year’s eve to do this. I started at february, see?

So do your best! I’m cheering for you!

Edit: I’m back. So point of this post was to check whether I’ve reached my goal of having less frequent depressive episodes. (Because I know I’m human and depressive episodes can hit ANYONE, so I didn’t have an unrealistic “I’ll never experience this again” expectation but I did have the expectation of “I’ll experience this maybe once or twice in a year, move on fast w/o unhealthy coping mechanisms and I’ll stay connected to LIFE instead of dissosciation” and I’ve achieved this.

A fast summary would be,

July built my self confidence at all aspects, from my hobbies to my career, my social skills to my curiosities. It was amazing.

August-September was vacation. One month of having a blissful vacation without feeling like a burden. One month of having full bliss. No depressive episodes not even once. I was regularly working out and I didn’t gain any weight even though I eat sweets and nice food everyday because of “holiday”. I went to a dietician in the end to find out my blood sugar is very healthy and my weight is normal now.

At the end of September & beginning of October I was nervous because of school, but I handled a lot better. I have done my best. I have truly done my best. I attended almost all lectures, I engaged in the material, asked all questions on my mind, went office hours, stayed active in newspaper, continued to hit up gym regularly, built more friendships, ALSO STAGED A THEATRE TEXT I HAVE WRITTEN LIKE THAT WAS AMAZING, and— and—

I don’t know, fast through November it doesn’t feel enough. I don’t know what I’ve honestly expected. But I expected to feel smarter or something, because science is hard shit. I expected better grades than this because I have honestly given it my all best. But the fact that my friends called me to reassure me made me really happy because one of my other goals was to build friendships and to think people, online and offline, check up on me makes me tear up. Especially when they are genuniely by my side as friends. It just feels so nice. So I’m feeling bittersweet.

I couldn’t lose any more weight since June, but I kept gaining/losing in some balance and I’m stable by now. My aim for February is to... lose 10 kgs in total— in a year. Which means I’ve got 4 kgs left to get rid of extra weight. I’m not really obsessed with body image, I’ve never been, but... What will I even do if I do not eat healthy and exercise? I mean, what’ll I even do? I like exercising and healthy eating. So I should just prevent stressful eating further so I can get rid of all the extra stuff. I’m already wearing all the pretty clothes I want and I do get stares because ;; idk they look cute I’m cute. Not in a narcissitic way. But self-love is important. I’m bi anyway, I do think girls are cute so since I’m a girl why shouldn’t I be cute as well?? A very feminine girl in fact, so like, hell yes, at least Nila can now wear whatever she wants and feels like she looks good on them so ONE OF THE MAJOR GOALS OF 2019 is fucking SETTLED!!

I’m planning to meet up my dietician again soon, and say that, “Look, I’ve come this far. Let’s lose 4 kgs in next 4 months. It makes 1 kg a month. Amazingly managable right? So guide me so I don’t ruin my health while thinning.”

So, I’ve managed my three major goals: Get rid of depression (learn how to burn it if it hits you); get a body you not only appreciate but feel genuniely HAPPY to be in; and built friendships and strengthen your bonds with people.

My two other major goals are incompleted, though. To cut it short, I wanted to get a better academic standing— from my first midterm grades I couldn’t really achieve that no matter how hard I tried, which is truly upsetting, but I have no choice but to go on. I love my major. I love science. I genuniely want to stay in this field. I don’t think I’m too idiotic to be a scientist. Sometimes I do think that, okay, but that’s a common thought in STEM majors. I do want to believe that what I work on will make a difference. It will have a meaning. So even though these results... are very discouraging to the point I felt really bad today, as if I could somehow, I don’t know, have a panic attack or something (I did not, I don’t have chronic anxiety or panic attacks or whatever, never experienced this). I just felt close to it, with increased heartbeat and feeling a bit dizzy and also very... imbalanced. But that’s probably because I didn’t eat well today, I unintentionally ate very little hence probably it exhausted me combined with bad news and saturday’s breakdown. Anyway. I have no choice but to go on, believing it will be better. My last major goal was to have a romantic partner, haha. Because I just want to. I mean, I don’t think I need to justify why I’d want a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and I don’t think I worked hard for this goal lol. I mean, I didn’t go out of my way to reach people. I liked like... three people this year, I still like one of them, but... It didn’t... go far. That’s probably because I still haven’t completely shaken off my shyness and unwillingness to get out of my comfort zone.

In conclusion, I have achieved 3/5 of my goals, which is more than half of it! So good job! For the girlfriend/boyfriend part, I, haha, I may neglect it for this year I mean it’s dumb to date someone just because??? You want to date before year ends right??? I mean, I’m not exactly angry at myself for that because it’s not only in my control so I think I forgive myself for not achieving that goal.

Academics though.

Ugh, academics are extremely terrifying to me.

That’s one big thing I need to settle.

On the bright side I have— two months! Silly me thought I have just one! So... let me... work hard in these two months!!!! And I’ll update if I can get a better GPA this semester. And if I get a lover. It’s ok not to have lovers but at least let me keep the GPA high I BEG you.

I’ve got new goals settled for 2020. But I will focus on achieving my last two goals before the year ends (academics mostly) and... update!

I don’t know who needs to read this. But I don’t mind having my journey posted at this point. I still feel very uncomfortable talking about depression, actually. But it was my reality. Now that I truly moved on, I can talk about it and critisize myself for all good and all bad.

I hope, to anyone who bothered to read so long, it gave some hope. That things can get better. That you CAN make things better little by little. 2020 can be your year. Or you can start on this very day like I randomly started on February (I didn’t have a thing for February, I just so happened to decide).

I’ll always be cheering those who do their best to make a difference.

Stay safe and let’s work hard. ❤️

Disclaimer: Some of my kind hearted readers were worried about me because Conflict describes unhealthy mindsets. Don’t worry— more than half of them are not based on my real life experiences! I’m not self-harming (never did, don’t think I ever will), neglecting antidepressants (I never used any actually), have suicidal tendencies (well, that part was real but no longer valid) AND I DON’T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP LIKE NORMAN/PETER sO Y’ALL CAN CHILL thank you for worrying about me I love you all

And I’ll be more than happy to be your goals-buddy if you want to change something about yourself as well!!!

#nila stuff #conflict #some stuff about #new year’s goals #2019 #depression #is not permanent #i believe in u #goals #time managament #college

3 notes · View notes

modestmuses-a · 5 years

Note

5, 6, 11, 18, 21, 23, 26, 30, 34, 35, 43, 50 - ekko

//CAS I ALREADY DON’T SHUT UP ABOUT THIS BOY AS IT IS. WHY WOULD YOU ENCOURAGE ME AND SUBJECT MY FOLLOWERS TO THIS?? i’m gonna have to fuckin readmore this for length because Christ…

Unusual Headcanons | accepting

5. How many blankets / pillows do they like to have on their bed?

One of each. When it’s exceptionally warm out, you can nix the blanket. Although, “blanket” is kind of a strong word for it. It’s really more of a threadbare rag at this point. When it gets cold out, he does think, “Hm, I better replace this,” but then he immediately forgets about it upon waking up and getting on with his day.

6. What do they normally dream about? Nightmares or nonsense?

Thanks to time travel fucking with his circadian rhythm, it’s very rare for Ekko to get any more than three or four hours of sleep at a time. More on that here.

But his terrible non-existent sleeping patterns, coupled with a whole host of repressed negative emotions that he hasn’t properly worked through because he doesn’t want to burden anyone with his problems, mean his nightmares are frequent and severe. Usually of the ridiculously gory variety. His nightmares typically end with him dying in some over-the-top, Final-Destination-esque way.

(Speaking of, my favorite death from those movies is from the third one, where the girl stumbles backwards into a nail gun and takes several nails through the back of her skull right out the front of her face.)

If you were to watch them, like, as a horror movie, some of them might be laughable. (If you’re into that sort of thing.) And indeed, he does try to laugh some of them off, although whether it’s genuine laughter or him trying to put on a brave face and again refusing to acknowledge that he’s got Issues is up for debate.

11. Bar soap or liquid? Do they like loofahs?

Bar soap. No loofahs.

18. Do they prefer cats or dogs? Or neither?

Ekko doesn’t really have a preference! He’ll drop scraps down to stray animals when he has the scraps to spare, and he’s made a number of furry friends of both species this way. Sometimes, you’ll just see random animals tailing him as he walks through the city, ‘cause they’re hoping to get more food out of him. He feels guilty when he doesn’t have anything to give them.

21. Did they have any fears growing up that they’ve since conquered?

Ekko used to be afraid of trees when he was younger and would always hold his breath when he walked by the cultivair. This is because he heard a story about a man who accidentally inhaled a tree seed and ended up growing a tree in his lung. He now knows that it’s ridiculous to be afraid of trees for that reason since the odds of it happening to him are infinitesimally small, but he’ll still tell people the story of Ol’ Tree Lung whenever they pass the cultivair, regardless of how many times his present company has heard it before. Most of his friends are sick to death of Ol’ Tree Lung by now.

23. How do they show fear? Sweating, shaking, blankness, anger, etc?

Ekko shakes something fierce when he gets scared. He also starts stammering and messing up sentences on account of his brain working much faster than his mouth. He’ll start a sentence and not finish it. Tries to restart the sentence slightly different this time and doesn’t finish that one either. Starts a sentence, cuts it off, starts a different sentence about a completely different thought, loses track of that one, too.

desperately tries not to cry

26. What are they most passionate about? What could they debate about for hours?

Ekko is passionate about… eating the rich. When are we bringing back the guillotine again?? kfhdgkdf

No, but seriously, Ekko is pretty adamant about “Capitalism sucks” and believes that the best use of wealth is providing for those less fortunate than you. He doesn’t have a lot, but he’s always using what he does have to help the Lost Children and his parents first and himself second. He sees people living these lives of luxury, and it makes him sick ‘cause he’s just like… *gestures @ starving orphans* “Y’all wanna like… maybe do something about this sometime?”

He believes that no one should have that much money for any reason because they should be putting it towards making society a better place instead of just… sitting on it. There is a reason I associate Billy Talent with him (and why “Man Alive!” is his main verse tag) and it’s because they have a lot of songs that just absolutely shit all over capitalism. I made a playlist for Ekko, and the first four songs on it are Billy Talent criticizing capitalism for the flawed, soul-sucking system that it is. (Three of the four are from the Dead Silence album.)

Anyway, Billy Talent tangent aside since I can’t control myself…

On April Fool’s, there were a couple IC posts of rich characters saying, “Rich people don’t have rights!” but then claiming to be exceptions to the rule. Like, one of them said, “I have rights ‘cause I didn’t choose to be rich. I was just born into a rich family.”

And let me tell you, I had to physically restrain Ekko ‘cause he was p i s s e d. He was in time-out that day, haha! “Oh, I’m so sorry, it must be so hard for you to have been born into a life of privilege,” he fumes to himself in the little corner I’ve trapped him in. “NONE OF YOU ARE EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE! NONE OF YOU HAVE RIGHTS! AND WHEN THE REVOLUTION COMES, YOU’RE GOING TO THE GUILLOTINE WITH THE REST OF ‘EM!”

Me, desperately trying to calm him down like, “No, no, shh, look at the date! It’s probably just a joke!”

He’s like, “IT FUCKING BETTER BE.”

Tl;dr: Nothing gets Ekko riled quite like rich people being shitty and annoying.

I was also going to mention that Ekko’s passionate about maintaining hope and will argue the importance of not giving up and not letting bad situations turn you into a bad person, but this answer is already hella long, so here’s a brief passing mention of it lmao

30. Is there something about their personality they want to change?

Ekko is… angry deep down. Or maybe not even so deep down. Maybe right there, just under his skin. And he wishes he wasn’t.

He often questions his own goodness, wondering if he’s not just Fake Nice to conceal the wretched thing he actually is. If you skim the top layer of sweetness off of him, you’re left with this horrid, bitter, hateful little beast. Or that’s what he thinks sometimes, anyway.

Whether it’s justified or it isn’t, anger is such an ugly emotion, and he’s worried it’s going to cause him to hurt someone he cares about someday.

I often worry about my portrayal of Ekko and how damn inconsistent it is sometimes ‘cause in one thread, he’s this sweet helpful angel who wants to do his best, and in another thread, he’s more bitter than the blackest coffee, but like. This be why. He’s a good person. Just deep down, he’s angry about A Lot, but even deeper down, he’s an even better person. He feels like his anger is the thing standing between him and being the best person he can be, and he wishes he could get rid of it, but alas, it seems to be stuck to him.

I mean, maybe it wouldn’t be if he ever bothered to resolve any of his Issues, but y’know. Helping others comes first, so :’) He’ll worry about helping himself when he’s dead.

34. Are they the jealous type? What are they most likely to be jealous of?

Hmm, I wouldn’t say Ekko is much of the jealous type, no. Like, his anger towards rich folks isn’t because he’s jealous of their lifestyle or wants what they have. It’s because he wants them to be decent fucking people for once. It doesn’t make sense to a lot of people, but he’s content stomping around in the gutters. He does wish things were easier on his parents, but he can’t complain about the life of freedom he’s been allowed to lead up to this point.

He doesn’t really get jealous of other people’s relationships either. Like, I mentioned in a reply to Draven that in the Academy verse, Ekko has a crush on Ahri. (But only in the Academy verse.) But like, he doesn’t really get jealous when she dates other guys. In fact, he expects it. He hasn’t said anything about his crush on Ahri (although it’s probably a bit obvious), and he’s never going to because he doesn’t expect anything to come of it. He lowkey doesn’t want anything to come of it because he feels like it’ll just make the dynamics in their friend group weird. So, really, he’s got no problem with her dating whoever she wants.

35. Are they possessive over their things? Or over other people? Both?

The only thing Ekko is especially possessive of is the Zero Drive, for obvious reasons. It’d be just… the worst to have that fall into the wrong hands. Time travel is a huge responsibility, Ekko says as he abuses the shit out of it to skip class and get infinite Halloween candy. Can you imagine what would happen if any of the shadier characters in LoL had the ability to time travel??

He isn’t particularly possessive over the rest of his things, though, and he’ll frequently give stuff up to people he feels could use it more.

As for people… I wouldn’t call him possessive, so much as protective. He might seem a bit possessive of his friends at times, but it’s only because he’s trying to keep them out of trouble. Whenever he tells people, “I don’t want you hanging out with so-and-so,” it’s not because he’s being possessive, it’s because so-and-so has Bad Vibes written all over them.

In the modern/K/DA verse, he’s friends with Akali before she gets famous. She ran away from the dojo and lived on the streets for a while, and it was there that she met Ekko, and honestly, he probably did a lot more than he realizes to keep her out of trouble. Who knows what kind of bullshit her dumb ass would have gotten into if she hadn’t been trying to set as good of an example for Ekko as she could?

Anyway, modern verse Ekko despises modern verse Shen. Akali gets back in touch with Shen, and Ekko is extremely vocal about how terrible he finds this whole idea.

And it’s not that he’s possessive of Akali. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. When she needed to leave him to join K/DA, he let her go ‘cause he understood that was her big dream and it wouldn’t have been fair to keep her there. She was destined for better things, and he wanted to see her get off the streets.

But it’s just that… he’s heard stories about the way she was treated at the dojo, so when she tells him she got back in touch with Shen, he gets pissed and tells her that she can’t expect him to support her ripping open old wounds. He’s just scared that Shen’s going to hurt her again, so when she tries to introduce the two of them to each other, Ekko’s cold towards Shen at best and openly hostile towards him at worst. He might be inclined to strangle the guy if Akali didn’t have herself situated between them in a somewhat fruitless effort to ease the tension.

43. Do they like living alone or with another person / other people?

Ahaha, Ekko is a huge people-person, actually! I think he’d just die if he had to live alone. A big reason he spends so much time away from home and out on the streets is because his parents are never home, and the house feels too empty without them. He’ll roll back home in the evening, when his parents are getting off work, to enjoy their company for a bit before they both pass out, but unless somebody else is there, he doesn’t want to be either.

If he had to live alone, there wouldn’t be any point in him having a house or anything ‘cause he’d literally never stay there. He’d always be out chasing adventure and other people’s company.

50. Where do they see themselves in 2 / 5 / 10 years?

God, this is hard because the thing is that Ekko is terrible at making plans for the future, especially long-term plans. Thinking about the future causes him major stress, especially when he thinks of possibilities that might involve him relinquishing some of his freedom, which is a lot. Like, he has no desire to go to school or join the workforce - at least not in any sort of traditional way - or any of that, and the fact that he’s not going to be 16 forever is just something that he prefers not to think about!

Anyway, let’s take a crack at it, nonetheless…

In two years, Ekko hopes to have worked up the courage to tell his parents he doesn’t want to go to the academy in Piltover. Listen… he’s working on it. But like, he thinks at least part of the reason they work so hard is because they’re trying to put money back to send him to school, and… he’s really torn about it. He’d feel guilty if they kept working to send him to school without knowing he doesn’t want to go, but he’d also feel guilty if he told them he doesn’t want to go and crushed all their hopes and dreams. So, really, it is a lose-lose.

But hey, two years is plenty of time to work up the courage, right?

In five years, Ekko’s unsure of whether he’ll still be living with his parents or not. He knows that he wants to get them into a nicer house, and as such, he’ll likely have to find some way to make money other than thievery. So, he might consider commercializing an invention or two.

He knows his parents are fond of Piltover for whatever reason, and he would reluctantly let them go there, if they wanted. That’s why he isn’t sure if he’ll still be living with them or not because if they do choose to go to Piltover, he’s absolutely staying behind in Zaun. He wants them to be happy, but he’s not going to abandon Zaun like that. Plus, he can still come visit sometimes, so it’s like… whatever.

He would also like to make a little more progress on the Z-Drive by this point, maybe getting it to the point where he can go back days instead of only minutes. Just in case. You never know when that thing you did three days ago is gonna come back around to bite you in the ass.

In ten years, he’ll be 26 and probably (sadly) a bit old to be running around doing dumb teenager things. Still, he can’t see himself abandoning the Lost Children. They’ll still need someone, you know? A large part of his mission with the Lost Children has become keeping them out of trouble, more or less. The bad kind of trouble, anyway. Keeping them away from chem-punks and out of the factories and away from drugs and potentially dangerous augmentations, so on and so forth.

He’d like to keep doing that, keep helping kids stay out of bad situations. Maybe start some sort of home for them, where they can come get a bed and a warm meal. Or something like a school, but where they’re allowed to study what they want and hone the skills they think will be most useful to them, instead of some arbitrary curriculum they’re not even interested in. Maybe a bit ambitious for only ten years, but… he hopes to at least be on his way to that sort of thing by then.

He wants to see Zaun be a better place, and children are the future, and he doesn’t want to see any of them fall through the cracks. If there’s any hope for Zaun to get better - and he believes there is - it starts with its children being happy and safe.

So, his plans are currently:

Tell his parents he doesn’t want to go to the academy.

Get his parents somewhere nicer ‘cause they deserve it.

Improve time travel maybe.

Find a way to get as many children out of harm’s way as humanly possible.

And that’s basically it.

#hc: ekko #hc: akali #shensheng aoman #building nothing out of something [answered]#//i'd apologize for this taking so long but like #//you asked for it #//also i have to tag this as an akali headcanon too #//it's difficult for me to talk about modern verse ekko WITHOUT mentioning his friendship with akali #//bc it's very important to me!!#//anyway enjoy your essay #//*casually writes an 8-page thesis about ekko*#//seriously if you format this like a school essay #//with 1-inch margins 12-point times new roman double-spaced #//it's 8 pages long #gore tw #//i guess i should also include that tag #//for my inability to resist mentioning the nail gun scene from final destination 3

6 notes · View notes

seoulscenarios · 6 years

Text

Kang Daniel College AU

Uhhhh,, happy 300!!! And I’m back with a new college series for wanna one!!! haha i know what you’re thinking, us doing wanna one content??? crazy, but this has been in the works for a while and i finally thought this was the right time to post it! And don’t worry, there will still be stray kids content as well i just wanted to take a break from all the stray kids content we have been putting out

side note: for the dance mentioned throughout this pls click HERE to see the dance that inspired this whole au tbh i promise you won’t regret it!!

-Major: business studies

-Minor: contemporary dance

-Sports: Star player of the football team (mainly bc EVERYONE adores him) but he rarely plays anymore bc he kept falling asleep during practice but they still keep him on the team bc how can you deny him anything

-Clubs: president of the bboy club, claims bboying IS a valid enough reason to set up the club despite the student board protesting it, set it up anyway, is also a very active member of the dance society and everyone was shocked that he didn’t apply for the president role but he skated away on his skateboard yelling about bboy he’s just a child at heart really

-Daniel is by far the most popular kid on campus

-Everyone knows who he is, even the professors on the other side of campus who have nothing to do with him knows who he is

-I mean, how could you not he’s literally the most happy and friendliest person in the world with a smile gracing his face for just about everyone

-Is always seen around campus in slacks and tee, normally a snapback on his head as he whizzes past you on his skateboard

-He’s literally the epitome of skater kid, big headphones around his neck blaring music as he speeds past you on the way to class

-Most people wonder how he’s a business major bc he looks like he should be part of the dance squad or sporting majors but Daniel,,,, actually kinda likes business

-He’s not massively passionate about it but he’s good at it and he enjoys some classes

-Is the perfect partner for group presentations bc he’s so diligent at any task you give him, though occasionally he doesn’t always understand what he’s supposed to be researching but rather than pestering his group mates at like 3am when he’s kinda high on energy drinks he comes into the meeting the next day with really garbled notes and they have to gently tell him exactly what to research and his face lights up

-His favourite class by far is his practical business class where he gets to go on an internship at a company bc he 1) gets out of class, 2) gets to go on fancy business trips with his boss which means fancy food and 3) leaves behind Jisung who is constantly nagging him in their dorm

-Not to mention,,, he wears a suit (which he proudly wears bc his mom gave it to him as a present when he got into college)

-The entire campus collectively swoons as they see Daniel walking across campus with a briefcase in hand as he’s with Seongwoo

-Even all the women at the company he interned, especially the older ones, swooned and doted on him as well

-Like,,, Daniel was sure it could be against company protocol that these women give him gifts and stuff but the boss just turned a blind eye to it bc he had way more important things to deal with

-Besides, Daniel appreciated it when they gave him food vouchers and stuff bc it meant he didn’t have to spend his or Jisung’s money on food

-Not that Jisung was ever in the dorm most of the time anyway, being a medical student and all he practically lived at the hospital

-Which meant that Daniel may or may not have sneaked in Peter and Rooney the first weekend his mom came to visit him

-(Jisung got the shock of his life when he went to flop on his bed and it MOVED,,, he beat Daniel’s ass bc he hadn’t agreed to this)

-After a few hours though, Jisung was cuddling Rooney in bed and Daniel was very smug whilst Jisung threw a lab report at him lmao

-Daniel running an Instagram account for the cats? Most definitely

-Was it the most followed account related to their university? Of course it was

-Everyone who came up to Daniel on campus 95% of the time they’d ask to meet Peter and Rooney, but Daniel was adamant that only a few select people could meet his girls

-Literally only the boys had met his favourite girls and never would he allow any slander on them, any hate comments would be deleted and a swift block if there was more than one offence

-(Jihoon and Woojin tweeted abt how ugly Peter and Rooney were and it took WEEKS of apologising and buying Daniel food for him to unblock them and add their contact details about, no one gets away with vagueing Peter and Rooney on his watch)

-Their dorm room, for lack of better words, was AWFUL

-To the point that Minhyun had given up all hope that they’d ever listen to him or actually care for the fact he’d spent a whole Sunday cleaning their room bc he was stressed and he just refused to ever go to their room again for fear of a migraine and cold sweats

-Like,,, Daniel’s side was littered with cat treats and toys, bits of paper and sweaty dance gear though the picture frame of him and his mom was proudly displayed on his desk practically spotless and Jisung’s side,,, well let’s just say med books and scrubs galore

-Despite Daniel’s extroverted persona, he was very much a homebody and loved spending weekends on end cuddled up in bed with his cats binge watching Netflix or playing games tbh

-However, if he had a bboy competition or dance practice expect him there at LEAST 20 minutes early bc he loved dancing and it gave him time to warm up properly so he didn’t injure himself

-(Story time: once Daniel was rushing to dance class and tripped over his feet and injured his thumb. He didn’t think much of it until he was 30 minutes deep into his dance practice and fell flat on his face doing a spin bc his hand gave up on him. Turns out he fractured his radial bone in his fall and Jisung was very shocked to see him sat in the emergency room when he was doing his rounds)

-So yeah, Jisung despite his busy schedule always made sure Daniel was on time or early for things especially dance so he didn’t injure himself

-But boy can he dance

-Like, everyone was in awe of his dancing

-Obviously, he was extremely well known for his bboying bc quite frankly it was incredible at just how talented he was at it bc who the heck decides that spinning themselves around like that was something you could be really good and dedicate urself to but seeing Daniel do it ur like yeah ofc why wouldn’t you want to

-What shocked everyone though was the fact that he was INCREDIBLY good at contemporary dance

-There was a dance competition he attended in first year and the captain of the dance team asked him to do a special stage for contemporary and he enthusiastically agreed bc,,,, well he didn’t have opportunities to showcase it a lot in big routines

-It’s extremely safe to say that the audience was left breathless when he finished and rumour has it that Jisung cried at the end, though he would vehemently deny this at the time when his eyes were red from crying and Minhyun kept passing him tissues none too discreetly whilst his kids all laughed at him

-Ever since that day Daniel has always been scouted by the dance majors to help them choreograph their dance piece for their contemporary dance module

-Which also happened to be one of the dance modules Daniel took

-He really likes to help out and has a difficulty saying no to people

-Coincidentally, this contemporary dance module is where he first encountered you

-You are, for want of better words, are the most untouchable and icy person

-Everyone on campus found you intimidating bc you always appeared unapproachable, cold, distant and too elegant for people to even breathe near you for fear that you could possibly stab them

-You were also rumoured to be from an incredibly wealthy family,,,, though what they didn’t know was that your family cut you off and cast you out bc you pursued dance against their wishes

-All you were left with was your inheritance and whatever money your grandma and aunt sent you as a monthly allowance

-You didn’t hate this persona the student body had given you, it just meant that you were incredibly lonely and often times felt quite empty when you saw people around campus laughing and having fun with friends, and all the couples holding hands and going on dates

-Coming from such a background you had never know what it was like to make friends or fall in love

-You only knew business partners and were taught from a young age that everyone had an ulterior motive when they asked you to be friends

-Safe to say, you kinda already had this icy persona cultivated from such a young age

-Though when you got cut off you had hoped that people around you would see differently

-However, once the rumour mill starts it’s hard to get it to stop

-So you just roll with it, even if it makes the classes you attend awkward or you feel that dread of loneliness when you get back to your single dorm, unable to invite anyone round

-When you got to 2nd year, the option to specialise in contemporary and modern dance became available and you immediately jumped at the chance bc you LOVE this genre so much

-If anything it represented your life in a way

-You wanted to break free from this old, restricted you into a new, free you

-Your first day of contemporary and modern class was unlike anything you had experienced before

-Everything was different yet familiar to you that you left the class buzzing with excitement and nervousness

-After a few weeks, you were slowly emerging as the class’s top student much to everyone’s exasperation

-They all just rolled their eyes whenever your teacher praised you or used you as an example to the other students, which they hated tbh

-Only one student didn’t act like that

-And, you’ve guessed it, that one person is Daniel

-Admittedly, at first, you didn’t get him whatsoever and you actually rolled your eyes as you saw his 6ft frame stumble through the door, cast decorating his hand looking entirely out of place

-You honestly didn’t understand why he was there, especially when during the introductions he told everyone that he was a business major and did dance as a minor

-You just didn’t get the hype around him whatsoever, everyone else adored him and fawned over him both inside and outside of class that you didn’t want anything to do with him

-Which confused him when he tried to greet you in class one day and you just shrugged him off and went back to stretching

-All of that changed when ur dance teacher gave out your first assignment and had given you a duet piece with a certain Kang Daniel and inwardly, you groaned

-Not only were you going to have to cooperate with Mr Popular, but the whole class was glaring at you and whispering about favouritism and bribery

-Daniel, on the other hand, was DELIGHTED to finally work with you

-You see, you had caught his eye from the first day of class and he was so perplexed at everyone’s disdain for you

-In his eyes, you were an incredible dancer and Daniel really wanted to collaborate with you, and maybe he found u kinda cute but shhhhh

-After your teacher finished all their announcements about this upcoming assignment, Daniel bounded over to you like the big puppy he is

-“Hi, I’m Daniel! I can’t wait to work with you, it’s going to be so much fun!” his mouth is upturned into that big smile and his face is all crinkled bc he’s smiling so hard

-You’re just a little overwhelmed bc why is he so enthusiastic it’s literally 9am and ur running on iced coffee but as u stare at him u realise,,,, hey this boy is kinda cute when he smiles

-“Uh, yeah hi my name is Y/N”

-Nice one Y/N, you think to urself as you watch Daniel’s face drop as you returned his greetings very unenthusiastically

-“So, have you got any ideas about the project or songs you like?”

-He’s trying so hard bless him but ur just not very cooperative bc heck,,, no one has ever tried to spark a conversation with you ever at this college that u don’t really know what to do

-You just blink at him slowly and he’s a bit confused, pausing scrolling through his playlist of songs and he just looks at you

-“Are you okay? You’re a bit, I don’t know, dazed?”

-“Oh, um, yeah I’m fine just early morning class haha”

-“You’re never normally like this though”

-O H

-You can pinpoint the exact moment that Daniel maybe kinda regretted saying that to him bc he completely froze and was staring at the ground, red tinting his ears

-Cute,,,, wait does that mean that THE Kang Daniel has noticed me in class before??A”£1;

-Anyway,, it’s an awkward few moments with u and Daniel not saying to each other and trying to forget what he just said

-He continues to scroll through his playlist and you decide to go and stand next to him so you could see the songs

-They were all pretty good songs, the boy has good music taste

-But one in particular caught your attention

-“How about this one?” you pointed at one of the songs

-It was a song you loved and had always wanted to dance to, and the lyrics were too beautiful and really fitted the dance style

-Daniel’s eyes lit up when he saw what you were pointing at

-“That’s one of my favourites! Let’s listen to it now” and before you could even protest, Daniel had plugged in his headphones and then shyly put the other headphone piece into your ear

-WHELP THERE GOES MY HEART

-For the remainder of the class, the two of you sat in relative peace listening to the song and occasionally sharing ideas about what theme and moves you wanted to include

-As the class drew to a close, you couldn’t help but notice just how damn attractive Daniel was and u found yourself glancing at him way more often than you should’ve been and you nearly didn’t notice class finishing

-You were packing up your stuff when you felt a hand tap ur shoulder

-It was Daniel

-“Uh.. I was wondering if maybe I can give you my phone number so we can…. Meet up and practice?”

-Was Daniel blushing?? Ofc he was, how could he not he thinks you’re really cute and attractive and he doesn’t normally give his phone number out to anyone

-(He literally has his friends, mom and a few classmates from his societies and that’s IT)

-You blush as well, putting ur number into his phone and handing it back with a small smile

-ICY PERSONA WHO???

-Ur classmates were all very intrigued by this behaviour bc they’ve never actually seen you talk to anyone nor have they seen Daniel act so,,,, shy around someone

-Well, you get an immediate text from Daniel and ur first thought is,,,, why is he so damn cute???

-He just sent you loads of emojis and stuff gosh he’s really just a kid huh

-You quickly realised that Daniel was a very enthusiastic person and loved to text you what seemed to be all the time

-Like, you even asked if he actually slept and he reassured you that he does sleep bc his roommate made sure he did

-The first week of being acquainted with Daniel was such a shock to you bc he’d always say hello to you whenever he saw you and if you were walking to class u can bet that Daniel would frighten the living daylights out of you when he ran up behind you and slung an arm around your shoulder, asking about your day and ur like Daniel pls,,,, don’t do that again

-As the weeks progressed, you became much closer to Daniel and it wasn’t long before you were rarely seen without him

-Heck, you had even been invited to meet his cats bc he kept talking about them and showing you pictures that you joked about saying “maybe you should just let me meet them for myself”

-Well Daniel’s eyes lit up and he grabbed your hand, pulling you to his dorms whilst enthusing about Peter and Rooney that you couldn’t help but laugh

-Jisung gave you a funny look, that only Daniel noticed bc u were too busy cooing over Rooney, and Daniel FLUSHED

-Yeah, Daniel never lets anyone meet his cats bc they’re too precious to him and Jisung was like,,, oh baby u like them don’t you, you don’t let anyone meet your cats unless you like them

-Daniel tells him to shut up, red blooming all up his neck and ears and Jisung freaking smirks and whips out his phone to text the gc

-You’re oblivious to this all bc you’re cuddling Peter and Rooney on Daniel’s bed and ur startled out of ur cooing to Daniel sitting beside you, lifting Peter onto his lap

-(You end up falling asleep with Rooney and Daniel is like,,, is this an angel? He lays a blanket over you and brushes your hair softly, taking in all your features)

-(That’s when he realises okay maybe Jisung was right and maybe he does like you just a bit more than the admiration he had and maybe he wants to date you and stuff but you didn’t hear that from me)

-(Cue Daniel sending panicked texts to Jisung and just getting winky faces in return)

-ANYWAY

-Back to the duet the two of you were doing

-Creating the choreography almost came like second nature to the both of you and you always ended practice on such a high note

-There was one move you were always kinda reluctant to do

-And it was a jump into Daniel’s arms

-It’s not that you didn’t trust him not to catch you,, you just have never done this before and you were nervous

-Daniel constantly reassures you practice after practice but still,,, you’re too tense to complete the move

-It wasn’t until your final practices that you told Daniel that maybe you could do this

-He grabs your hand and rests his other one on your cheek, looking deep into your eyes

-“Trust me, I won’t let you fall”

-That doesn’t mean you’re not nervous but when you’re going through the motions of the song, immersing yourself in the music you realise that maybe the jump isn’t so bad after all

-You throw yourself into Daniel’s arms and his arms wrap securely around you

-You feel at ease

-And you realise, as the song progressed that maybe you wouldn’t mind staying in Daniel’s arms for longer

-You couldn’t deny that over the past few weeks that you grew closer to Daniel that you found yourself falling for him

-All the late night texts, Netflix “dates” and everything else, you saw the happy puppy vibe that you found yourself drawn to

-“Hey Daniel, for the end of the dance….. maybe we should ask for a curtain to be put up and we could you know…… pretend to kiss behind it?” you ask shyly, eyes cast downwards not wanting to see Daniel’s reaction

-Well, this boy was BLUSHING bc this was unlike anything you had ever suggested choreography wise and pretending to kiss his crush?? Kinda heartbroken but at the same time,,,, he was THRILLED

-It wasn’t like your choreography wasn’t suggestive as you decided to go for a love theme, focusing on the getting into a relationship and the fears of it, but a kiss??? That was so intimate for Daniel and he was not okay

-“Uh yeah!!! I think it could work!!! Let’s try adding it to the routine before the next lot of kids come in” and he bolts to the music desk to put the music back on

-When it comes to that part, Daniel gently holds your face and draws you close to him

-His touch is electrifying and you lean closer into him, eyes flicking to his lips momentarily

-You swear he was about to lean in but before you could find out, someone knocked on the door and you two jumped apart from each other

-“Uhh bye Daniel I’ll see you tomorrow for the performance yeah?” and with that you bolted, leaving a very confused Daniel touching his lip slightly before he went back to his dorm with a slightly dazed look

-Well, the two of you were kinda awkward as you met the next day donned in ur performance costumes

-The two of you were wearing matching loose white shirts and black slacks, and you were gripping onto some black blindfolds that were featured in ur performance

-U were kinda nervous bc you hadn’t ever performed a duet with someone you actually liked before and Daniel sensed that as he handed you a water bottle

-“Y/N, you’ll be fine we’ve done this 1000 times and we could do it a 1000 times more and I still would have no words to describe how incredible you are” he mumbled into your hair, arms wrapped around you tightly

-You sink into his embrace, letting him give you words of comfort and sweet nothings

-You stayed like that for what seemed like forever and were only interrupted by the backstage crew member who announced that you guys were up soon

-As you stood in the wings, Daniel interlaced his fingers with yours and smiled at you

-These past few weeks working on this project seemed to have flown by and you were sad that it was coming to an end

-Just as you were about to say something to him, he led you onto the stage, hands still intertwined and you swear you heard some guys wolf whistle (you did, Seongwoo and Woojin let out the biggest wolf whistles and Jisung had to literally clamp a hand over their mouths but he did admit that you two looked like a real couple)

-When the music kicked in, everything felt so…. Electric

-All of Daniel’s touches on you left little shocks on you and you were dizzy from how much you craved his touch even more

-As the song reached an end, Daniel grabbed your hand as you went to move behind the curtain and pulled you back to him

-And his hands landed on your waist and before you knew it, you felt his lips crash against you as the song hit it’s climax and you immediately melted into his touch

-Well, all of Daniel’s friends were wolf whistling now and the two of you broke apart to the sound of thunderous applause and whistles and a disapproving look from the mc of the evening

-Daniel just gave you an embarrassed grin and tugged you off stage, a matching grin gracing your face

-Well, it’s safe to assume that Daniel definitely asked you to date him after this performance much to the hollering of everyone backstage and the roar of approval from his friends when he introduced you to them properly, holding your hand tightly

-Dating Daniel is an actual dream

-I mean you’re dating the actual campus god and everyone is absolutely shocked that their campus golden boy is dating the most feared and iciest person on campus

-Thought,,, they were absolutely bowled over at the fact you no longer seemed so unapproachable and perfect as you laughed happily at whatever Daniel was telling you, leaning into his shoulder as the story got funnier

-Like,,, who was this person they thought they knew?? They’re gone lmao

-Daniel is also the CRINGIEST boy to date

-If he wants to kiss you he’ll be like “baby you’ve got something there” and before you could check he’d grab your chin and kiss you softly on the lips and ur like,,,, Kang Daniel u need to stop

-Jihoon and Woojin just look on disgusted bc how the HECK can you fall for his trick every single time

-Jisung just coos bc it’s like watching his baby grow up and find love, before swatting at the boys bc they’re making retching sounds or something

-Sleepovers at Daniel’s??? Absolutely especially when Jisung is on night shift and he has the place to himself wink wonk

-Lmao no, his cats are too precious to him he doesn’t want to scar them

-That’s reserved for when ur at ur place instead hehe

-Daniel really loves to have an arm around you at all times, especially around your shoulder bc it makes him feel so manly and protective what a dweeb

-He also teaches you how to ride his skateboard, though you protest a lot bc heck I may be a dancer Daniel but I have no balance on actual ground much less a skateboard I will fall

-He just grabs your hands and guides you slowly around the park, grinning as you shriek turning corners or something

-Will reward you with hundreds of kisses later though so is it worth it?

-Sometimes when ur not covered in bruises bc u kept falling off and rather than helping you Daniel ended up laughing bc he found it really funny

-Someone help him please

-Nights with Daniel are spent with Netflix playing in the background as you cuddle with the cats and he’s running his hand softly through your hair as you tell him all about how growing up you could never be you and always had to be perfect your parents

-I’m not saying he cried when you told him that you got cut off and haven’t seen your parents in years,,, but that’s what I’m saying bc he’s such a family orientated guy that he doesn’t know how you coped

-You have to wipe his tears away, calling him an idiot before kissing him deeply and well,,,, u kinda get the idea from here (daniel got a little caught up in the moment and forgot his cats were there lmao)

-Oh, speaking of family he definitely introduces you to his mom like a month into dating

-He tried to do it beforehand but Jisung literally locked his skype account so he wouldn’t scare you off lmao

-You needn’t have worried though bc Daniel’s mom ADORED you and was fawning over you on skype

-She basically became the mother you never had and she always text you asking if you were doing okay and stuff it’s just really sweet

-She comes up one weekend to see the two of you and now Daniel has three new photos on his desk next to the one of him and his mom

-There’s one the three of you together, then you and his mom,,,, then one of you and him that his mom took bc you looked so happy and in love that she couldn’t resist taking a photo how CUTE

-Anyway,,, he constantly is leaving his clothes at your place bc he’s forgetful but also he really wants to see how small you’d look in his clothes bc he’s a GIANT lbr here

-You do turn up to class one day wearing his shirt and Daniel malfunctions for the rest of the day bc it should be illegal how cute you look in his clothes

-Seongwoo and Sungwoon just snicker at him bc he’s so dazed that he missed his mouth whilst eating at the cafeteria bc he’s too busy staring at you

-Please protect this baby at all costs bc he’s so accident prone but also,,, he’s a damn mess and needs all the love in the world thnx bye

-You two are just sickeningly in love and it’s the best thing ever

-Daniel really helped you to grow and express your true self more and more and you couldn’t be more grateful whereas you helped Daniel love something beside his cats and mom

-Like,,, he was finally discovering how to love something and it was so pure and raw that you saw stars every time he looked at you, touched you, kissed you that galaxies were painted in your eyes and at the centre of it all was Daniel

-Young love huh, it’s truly remarkable

and that was the first installment of the college series for wanna one!! i hope you enjoyed it and i’ll be back very soon with some more content!!!

#wanna one #wanna one scenarios #wanna one fluff #wanna one kang daniel #kang daniel #kang daniel scenarios #wanna one daniel #wanna one daniel scenarious #wanna one imagine #kang daniel college au #college au #i love kang daniel a true lovable boy protect him #will i cry when they disband ?#absolutely

92 notes · View notes

kaoarika · 5 years

Text

As a follow up to this post, it’s my command to finish it with my thoughts of "Favorite Part”’s last chapter.

(I think this could wait until the ENG fan translation is completed, but... you know, my feels are all raw right now).

And the thing is, it proved me wrong with my worries, and the finale felt satisfying in the way the message of the webtoon was all about in the first place.

The way to accept oneself is a long and hard way.

We are somehow expected to live by what the society tells us to live for, their norms and what not. And, in a way, they influence us in the worst way possible.

Well, I speak as a westerner... I cannot imagine how hard it could be for more conservative Asian countries, like South Korea, were people have their standards of beauty even more screwed up than we do and there’s little to nothing body positivity in media than in western countries do have (which isn’t much more better, especially as yours truly lives in Mexico... but...).

As I have been talking about “Favorite Part” as a whole, this series is too special to me. Especially as an adult.

Sure, you can find more body positivity in western works where creators try to give us more diversed physical-looking characters as main characters. But it’s definitely strange in eastern works. And while I love stuff like Gintodo’s “Pattissiere-san to Ojou-sama”, or Hirama Kaname’s “Pochamani”, there’s actually a very few which deal with self-love and acceptance (like the afforementioned “Pochamani” or Ikuemi Ryo’s “Cousin”, although it’s been a while since I’ve read it, and it gets a bit more complicated there) where everything isn’t so easy as we are tied up to what society dictate us to act or live with.

And Tarly’s "Favorite Part” doesn’t start pretty.

Woojoo isn’t likeable at first, nor she looks pretty, as she is living with how the society perceived her, and making her think that her standards in men are wrong because she is fat, in a way others seem to think, “lol, she doesn’t deserve to be with a hot guy”.

And she does a lot of mistakes in the way. and it isn’t until she meets Hanbyeol (and after Minwoo’s accident) that she realizes that she needs to see herself in a better light.

But when I speak about “self-love”, I also have to bring “acceptance”.

Similar to Woojoo, Hanbyeol also has a certain type of taste that may qualify him as a “chubby chaser” (hence the quotations marks) and that society perceives as wrong or they make him look as a pervert, just because he likes chubby gals instead of slimmer ones. Especially when he is this tall, handsome, and slim guy.

The thing is, these are their preferences in what they find attractive in other people. What they find superficially attractive, at best. And, after the prologue, they kinda want to change that to prove that they can find love in someone else outside their preferences... except it just doesn’t work that simple, and they just end up hurting themselves due to high expectations of “moving on” from these.

I’m not sure if I can explain it right now well, but... okay... I’m trying, lol.

So, in the final chapters, they accept that these are their preferences (their weaknesses, if you may refer them to such), that they don’t have to live up with what society tells them to. Besides, they like each other, isn’t that enough already? They each have something that each other likes too much, and, besides that, they have a wonderful friendship, so, what? It’s just a part of a whole package.

From what I understand from the comments (and this could be taken with a grain of salt at the moment I’m writing this, sorry m(_-_)m, as I could be VERY wrong until I have an ENG TL at hand ), the last conversation they have seems to be something (?) along the lines of “I love you the way you are, but I wouldn’t have an issue if you suddenly (decided to) physically change(d), because I already love you and that wouldn’t change a bit in our relationship”.

And the sweet thing is that, I think Woojoo remembers that she kinda felt “attracted” to Hanbyeol when he was fat. Perhaps it wasn’t that he had a pretty face (ymmv! I found him cute!) or a slim body (qualifying him to be a “flower boy”), but he was a nice companion and a friend - someone she quite enjoyed her time with in the start (with all the “dates” they had), and the mixed feelings she had afterwards he confessed to her that he liked her because “she was someone genuine/real” just were surreal to her because no one ever told her that before, so, what to feel with that, though?. He was genuinely the first man who treated her as a woman.

So, perhaps... I think the sudden image of him being overweight crossing her mind is just... if it happened again, it wouldn’t change her feelings at all, she realized - because that’s how she first met him. She loves him and that’s what matters. He loves her and that’s what matters.

As someone pointed out in the comments some chapters ago, Woojoo (Universe/Microcosmos) finally realized that she fell in love of the one star (Hanbyeol) important to her.

The epilogue shows us a scene a couple of years later, I guess, with Woojoo finally being what she wanted to be... but also, and more importantly, showing us that she doesn’t need to hide her preferences (I mean, we ALL can appreciate who looks pretty) and weaknesses, and simply laughing it off in a more positive light. And, the important thing, she looks happy. Sure, still overweight (!!!!) but, happy.

My shipper heart is a bit... broken in the sense that I wish Hanbyeol also appeared in there (in a passing by mention), lol, but... FP was more Woojoo’s story, so concluding things with her being a total 180° version of the initial shy and pitiful girl who had a crush on a classmate who didn’t even know her name is, amazing.

But, you know... it’s also a bit open to interpretation on their relationship. I want to believe they are still together at that point in time and that she accepting her weaknesses is the same as a bunch who can appreciate a cute guy or girl even if they are in a relationship, you know? Perhaps, Hanbyeol is doing his military service (highly possible due to they living in SK? and he being in his early 20s) or continuing his education, too... And, tbh, I think it would be plain unfair if they were no more because it was a LONG WAY these two had to go to become an item at the end... So, hopefully it isn’t like that?

Also, even though I appreciate Hanbyeol and Woojoo both holding hands, etc... (it was symbolic in sense, I admit) I WISH I HAD ANOTHER KISS, GOSH, TARLY, WAS THAT TOO MUCH TOO ASK??? (I MEAN, I ALSO SUCK IN DRAWING KISS SCENES, BUT THE FANSERVICE IS TOO MUCH TO GIVE IN!!!)

But even if it’s going to be difficult to say the series goodbye (and so, not having another thing that I LOVED too much to follow weekly anymore), I think with the ENG fan translation*, I can fall in love of the characters and the story again. But now in a sense that there is not going to be a language barrier anymore to enjoy it, so I can appreciate it even more. :)

------------------------------

(*) That and... (or?) a potential ENG license by LINE, but, lmao, I still don’t bet too high on that.

#kao's ramblings #Favorite Part #spoilerish spoilers

1 note · View note

bettysnooze · 7 years

Note

9, 13, 16, 8, 10 !

10. which muse is the most fun to write for?

already answered here !!

16. which muse is most willing to fight another muse?

depends on what they do tbh but like if this is ‘fighting for no reason’ than definitely makaria, and if it’s bc they’re an isle kid or like half-animal then it’s otto

and ofc makaria and otto would just 100% fight each other

~*~*~*~*~*~ okay so somehow i got all the long ones kjhbfevkhe so READMORE for otps/notps and How I Met My Muse (also since this got so long i’ll answer 13 on another ask!!

8. what is each of your muses otps? notps?

so this is gonna be like ‘i once shipped them’ and ‘so many crushes’ (I’LL USE THE SLASH)and it could have been for like five minutes or five weeks so pls welcome to my mind

betty otps: betty/ranon, betty/happiness, betty/feeling-protected, betty/melissabetty notps: like romantically every other guardian kid bc she is literally their mother/sister

veronika otps: VERONIKA/NOELLE, also veronika/a-good-loving-familyveronika notps: veronika/not-good-loving-families

makaria otps: MAK/BAIN, mak/talon JHBCVKDJHFEBJ A MESSmak notps: mak/stress

hershey otps: hershey/ophelia, hershey/self-care, hershey/self-confidence omfghershey notps: hershey/self-destructive tendencies

cestrum otps: cestrum/misty, cestrum/relaxationcestrum notps: cestrum/lola (i stg this was a crackship idea once and lord almighty)

aiwei otps: aiwei/juniper, aiwei/happiness, aiwei/finding-out-more-about-his-family, aiwei/BECOMING-A-REAL-BOY-BC-HE-WAS-ONLY-A-BABY-WHEN-HE-DIEDaiwei notps: aiwei/confrontation :(

otto otps: otto/common-sense, otto/open-mindednessotto notps: otto/any-of-his-dreams-coming-true, otto/winning

illyria otps: ROLLY POLLY OLLY (illyria/ronan), illyria/the-sea, illyria/comfortillyria notp: illyria/not-being-near-the-sea (this is happening rn jfc), illyria/discomfort

kirsa otps: uM KIRSA/SHEN (SHIRSA???? SHIH TZU???), kirsa/talking-about-her-emotions-instead-of-passive-aggresively-making-them-into-playskirsa notps: kirsa/not-being-honest its an issue

dignan otps: dignan/being-himself, dignan/darcy CAN I LET THE POOR BOY LIVE ? NO ?, dignan/FUTURE BOYFRIEND WHERE ART THOU, dignan/baseball the real otp thodignan notps: dignan/closeted

helen otps: helen/swords, helen/coranza, helen/angel, helen/shae, I GOT SO MANY, helen/being-herself, helen/no-responsibilitieshelen notps: helen/keeping-things-to-herself :(

penelope otps: penelope/money, penelope/being-soft, penelope/coming-to-terms-with-her-horrible-upbringingpenelope notps: penelope/being-selfish jcvnfklrfjvbwr

9. why were you drawn to each one of your characters?

( BETTY ): i knew tasha and rhi from a previous rp we were all in, and they’d played guardian characters too and i aLWAYS wanted to play a guardian character but i didn’t have any ideas back then, but then they were like “hey you should join us” and i was like “BOY OH BOY”. sandy was always my favourite guardian, and i had just finished rping a daughter-of-morpheus character so dream powers were like my thing and boom, betty mansnoozie was born aka the sweetest, most good character i’ve ever written. ALSO i’ve always had sibling-ish relationships with rhi so like the betty/jake relationship goes back a LOOONG way

( VERONIKA ): after betty i knew i wanted a darker character, and i was like “okay so who is like completely unforgivable” and i immediately thought of rasputin. there was also another rasputin child around at the time, and they had gotten rasputin’s powers so i was like!! what if i made a kid that wanted those powers, who wanted to be a villain and to be like their parent?? veronika’s gone a long way since then and really like i’m so proud of her and i love her so much, she’s just gone through a lot i lOVE HER

( MAKARIA ): SO OKAY LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT ME AND HADES BECAUSE HONESTLY, THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR YEARS. i first played a character based on panic (hades’ sidekick) like aaaaages ago, and then i played actual disney hades in another rp. needless to say i really fucking love hades as a character. and betty was too nice, and veronika was too cynical and kept to herself, and i really wanted another mean-spirited CHATTERBOX (because i myself am such a chatterbox i mean look at this). i lowkey had a child of hades in a closed rp sort of situation, his name was macario (because i’d wanted a son) but the original is makaria, and i love my girls sO makaria was born. i also love zendaya, and previously hades had always been white but so much art on tumblr depicts persephone as this beautiful black woman so !! BOOM. i also wanted to try a different villain-kid-parent dynamic, because veronika ends up hating her dad but mak like 100% defends hades still like even to this day

( HERSHEY ): I WANTED A BOY LMAO and i was really into bts at the time so i’m like okay hmm where would yoongi fit in?? i re-watched wreck-it-ralph randomly and i remembered that i always wanted to try a sugar rush child so i was like heeeeeeeeeyyyy :)))). and it kinda just all fell into place because i’d also been interested in making a character that loved cars and racing (fast and the furious got me so bad). and i liked the idea of having another character with some sort of ability, and it was so interesting figuring out how hershey was going to fit into the auradon world bc he was originally virtual sO YEAH. and also the name came like in a second. FUN FACT, hershey von schweetz’s fc (in a different time before BTS took over my life) was going to be hailee steinfeld and now look at wHO USES HAILEE STEINFELD

( CESTRUM ): so after the craziness and Extra-ness of makaria and hershey i know i wanted someone more chill. i had always loved alice in wonderland i knew i wanted a son of the caterpillar because 1) alan rickman’s voice is God and 2) i always wanted to rp the caterpillar in like so many disney rps but i never got the chance lmao. so the idea for cestrum actually came even before i found the perfect fc (kibum), and it took me ages to find the perfect fc. i knew he was going to be weird and quiet but also talkative but also nOT? and just a different moral compass and way of thinking from everyone else. i was so sure about applying for cestrum and it was only after that i was like “ok but am i going to be smart enough to play this like 5000 IQ person wtf did i get into” and yEAH. also i always like making new characters with types that (during that time of the rp) aren’t so common yet, so having this stoic character was like yEAAAAAHHHH

( AIWEI ): so hershey and cestrum are my first boys and this is basically the start of my “one boy after another” streak and then i got AIWEI. the real babe. everyone’s been pretty mature so far, or like dealing with a lot of responsibility etc. and now i wanted someone who would be like a real teenager (more or less) and just have that childlike wonder and be rly innocent tbh. so aiwei is all of this, and he’s young and inexperienced but the twist was that he’s actually this boy who died in a fire when he was a baby and his father, in the underworld, resurrected him and performed some magic frankenstein stuff to make him grow older. and he’s the oldest out of all the kids but he’s been a baby 60% of this life until elder gutknecht finally got all the tools necessary to make him old and i jUST !! also i really loved that tin-man song from the wizard of oz. my actual baby, aiwei gutknecht i love him and will die for him

( OTTO ): AND AFTER ALL THE NICE, SEMI-NICE PEOPLE i was like “so what’s happening with the isle thing right now do ppl not like them like is there active resentment or what” and then i was like “what if i had a character that did the active resentment!!” and otto white was born. i knew he was going to be a jackass. i knew he was going to be anti-isle. and i knew he had to be a prince and a kid of one of the ‘original’ disney princesses. and i ended up choosing snow white because she’s technically the ‘oldest’ and there was evie and vera and i was like aayyyyy conflict. but yeah so otto was going to be the personification of fear and bias against isle kids, and i thought it’d be fun to play with that politics and society thing that i’ve never really done before. otto’s my first character that is actually irredeemably an asshole. i wanted to see how far i could go and where i could go with a character that was actively trying to not change. i was super nervous about applying for him tho bc like i knew he was going to insult a lot of people and i didn’t want to be like hated rip bUT it turned out well so YEH

( ILLYRIA ): i’ll be honest i watched pirates of the carribean and like calypso/davy jones is still the otp of otps for me. and i once had my fortune-telling phase and i saw valentine was there anD ALSO AN OPPORTUNITY TO USE A FILIPINO FC !! HECK YEAH !! and at this point i wanted to like branch out from my usual characters and try something different, to add new things about characters so i thought about illyria’s aversion to touch. and i knew she was going to be stoic and weird like cestrum, but she was also going to be charming and i wanted to see how that would go and it’s hard getting into illyria’s head sometimes but she’s like a Fave

( KIRSA ): so i watched this movie called “the darjeeling limited” and it’s basically about this dysfunctional set of siblings – one of them feels super responsible for the other two but is a big mess, the other sort is more put together but has problems he actively avoids, and then the last is this playwright who’s been in love with the same girl for like 10 years and falls in love easily. and i was like “who does that remind me of???” SO TBH the idea for kirsa first started out as a brother for the stahlbaums but then i realised there were no more spaces and i was like “tHE SUGAR PLUM FAIRY!!” and the rest is history. so kirsa is the dramatic playwright who falls in love too easily but also doesn’t know how to love properly, and she drinks and smokes and has all these vices and she’s still 17 so like what a hot mess. she’s as talkative as mak and as flirty as hershey but kirsa is less put-together and although she thinks she knows herself, she really doesn’t. she needs guidance pls

( DIGNAN ): so this really just began as a “i wanna get in on this waters family drama” business LMAO. and i love sarah’s misty so i wanted to see how it would go if she had a little brother. it also made a bit of a change because most of my characters are like the ‘older’ siblings or friends and i wanted more young people so i thought of dignan!! i also wanted a character that would be more pro-authority than other characters i’ve had before (dig’s always going to think highly of the auradon royalty bc he understands them and knows they don’t rly have much choice sometimes and that they try their best). and i chose joe keery (aka steve harrington, love of my life) as an fc bc i JUST FINISHED WATCHING STRANGER THINGS and charlie heaton was darcy, and natalia dyer was being used too and i was like hEYYY FC CONNECTIONS.

FUN FACT: dignan’s two defining things right now (baseball and being gay) weren’t even in the cards at the start, he was literally supposed to be more john watson, i’m-gonna-be-a-serious-doctor and like be fun but a guy who loved to study. but now he’s sporty and he’s figuring out this new part of himself and he’s literally my actual favourite character right now i love dig so much. also i needed a character that would 100% share my love for the 80s (hershey loves 80s music but only sings to annoy ppl so its not the sAME). and now dig has the hair and the fashion sense and he loves 80s music too man.

( HELEN ): the idea for helen really began with like this ‘bodyguard’ idea. i wanted a character that was like 100% protective. they were going to be this warrior, trained-as-a-child kind of person, and they were gonna be connected to royalty. i first tried this with kirsa but that didn’t work out, and then i tried it with dignan but he was too soft and easily persuaded tbh he can never be mad at his royals. and then i thought of tangled (and the mess the hoods and the greenes were in at the time LMAO).

helen was first gonna be max’s child (for the full guard effect) but then i saw a space opening for rapunzel and eugene’s child and !! and then she became princess warrior, who wanted to protect her people rather than rule them and LIKE WHO DOES THAT REMIND ME OF??? PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA THAT’S WHO so seriously fun fact, a lot of the inspriation for helen is leia. and i chose the name ‘helen’ because of helen of sparta, a beautiful woman who started the longest war, and together with the fact that helen is very much a fighter of wars rather than the starter (and she has low self-esteem rip) its so fun i love helen, my sword princess child

( PENELOPE ): so i have an asshole auradonian, and mak is like simmering down, i knew i wanted an asshole isle person. and mak/blythe have such an awesome friendship and i loved blythe’s character and all the people in the cinderella family and world and i knew i wanted to get some of that action ;)))) so i rewatched the 2015 movie (I LOVE CATE BLANCHETT SO MUCH) and then i rewatched ‘ever after’ which is this 90s cinderella movie with drew barrymore. after watching ever after, i knew exactly how i wanted this daughter of drizella to be like. she’s going to be the worst parts of mak and kirsa (they’re bitches but like nice ones) and just be this snooty sugar baby gold-digger. she knows exactly what she wants, she knows she’s going to get it. she’s part daisy buchanan, jordan baker, very much this hedonistic character who understands life as being good if you have money and status. such an old idea but it’s what she learned from her fAMILY.

a lot of penelope’s character came from me wanting to explore what i’d found with otto, the unapologetic asshole, but now she had reasons to be. otto’s rich and gets ltierally everything he wants so he sucks even more because he’s still mean-spirited – but now we have penny, who grew up with nothing but wanted everything, and her grandmother and mother put all their hopes and dreams on her, told her not to associate with her nicer aunt and cousin and even her little sister – and she’s an asshole. literally guys penelope is going to change and become better i just dunno how yet but shE WILL

13. what’s a weird headcanon you have for each of your muses?

THIS ASK GOT WAY TOO LONG ALREADY, BUT I GOT THIS NUMBER IN ANOTHER QUESTION SO I’LL ANSWER IT THEEEEERE

#the whole 'why were you drawn to ur characters' thing #eventually became like 'A History of Ally'#jehbvkwhebvkrhje #I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS #christ it got so long #i can literally write essays about my kids #ooc;#missingapulse #m

3 notes · View notes

cuddlingsun · 7 years

Text

hello @ciaoloueh (or her phansona, danielbear) has tagged me to do this thingy and it’s long bUT THATS FINE BECAUSE I FIXED IT SO NOW I CAN MENTION PEOPLE AND DO A READ MORE AND LIFE IS BEAUTIFU

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

THE LAST… 1. Drink: water! I tried to drink some after waking up (and another sip just now) because who knows if I drink enough it might be a step to being healthier

2. Phone call: my mom, who called to ask what kind of math my brother has

3. Text message: cbs™ got a very excited text about how i can mention people now, it’s truly revolutionary

4. Song you listened to: green light by lorde i think

5. Time you cried: i remember crying in my dream last night but can’t remember the actual time sorry

HAVE YOU EVER… 6. Dated someone twice: nope

7. Been cheated on: nope

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

9. Lost someone special: yup

10. Been depressed: well I think so, but like it wasn’t officially diagnosed and all, do feel tons better rn even if it isn’t all that amazing yet

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS:

12. dark red

13. dark blue

14. the purple/olive green/brown aesthetic that hana gave me lmao

I JUST LOVE A LOT OF THINGS OKAY FIGHT ME

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 15. Made new friends: yes! though the real life ones aren’t proper friends but the online ones are I guess :D

16. Fallen out of love: sort of??? maybe it was before this past year so idk let’s say no so I feel better about it

17. Laughed until you cried: i’d sure hope so

18. Found out someone was talking about you: ha yes but not that i care too much about it, trying to not have any contact with those people anyway

19. Met someone who changed you: not sure, don’t think so

20. Found out who your true friends are: sort of? i kind of decided to not try too hard for people that don’t try for me? like there’s a difference between being scared to start conversations and just generally not caring abt me as a person u know

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i’m going to count it hold up -- 44 out of the 51

23. Do you have any pets: sadly no

24. Do you want to change your name: sort of did but not anymore? i like to use bus because it’s easy and a nickname but i can live with my name i guess (though maybe change the official spelling lmao)

25. What did you do for your last birthday: i had some friends over and had a chilled out get together (and my mom had cooked dinner) which was nice I guess (also two of my friends got me a book which nearly made me cry but all right)

26. What time did you wake up: around nine I think? woke up around 6.25 then around 8.06 and then somewhere before 9.30 (i’m being specific if u care to read this far you won’t mind anyway)

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: trying to sleep by daydreaming

28. Name something you cannot wait for: I cannot wait for a bunch of things but myself aside i can’t wait for one direction to come back?? which sounds selfish i mean i love their solo careers but boys i miss u

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: last night when she had made some tea but it was too sour for me and then i went to bed (i just went downstairs and saw her again, if that makes u happier)

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: we can’t get into this now fully, but i feel like having tons of money could make a big change to my current situation

31. What are you listening to right now: nothing tbh (also changed to green light when i came back, i was halfway through)

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: lmao yes he helped teach maths at uni which was cool i guess

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: me but also in general the state of the world, but also me a lot

34. Most visited website: tumblr probably lmao

35. Elementary: was cool I guess, i had a real good year and then it was shitty again but overall could have been worse

36. High School: wasn’t the best, could’ve been worse. i don’t really feel any type of Big Feelings towards any of these

37. College/university: sadly didn’t finish the one thing, so next year i’m starting law? (wish me luck tbh) and afterwards i want to genuinely study physics/chemistry at some point again but who knows if it will happen and when 38. Hair colour: brown

39. Long or short hair: short, but it’s been growing quite a lot

40. Do you have a crush on someone: not that i know of and boy is it good i love it finally time to focus on MYSELF am i rite ladies

41. What do you like about yourself: my mind mostly, physically i don’t LIKE anything but i’m not in full hatred either so there’s that

42. Piercings: i had my ears pierced but i don’t wear jewelry so

43. Blood type: i believe O but i’m not sure and don’t know the positive/negative thingy

44. Nickname: lmao hana literally referred to me as bus here so that, don’t really have any others?? bush but i don’t really like that one so

45. Relationship status: single and v v v v happy with that

46. Zodiac sign: libra

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favourite TV show: brooklyn nine-nine, merlin, elementary (and well doctor who, victoria and dirk gently too) (also liked selfie?? and atlantis, galavant, agent carter)

49. Tattoos: none 50. Right or left hand: right (though i want to learn writing with both hands tbh)

FIRST… 51. Surgery: i think they did something with my ears when i was really really young so I don’t even remember it (and i’m scared of surgery so let’s keep it this way)

52. Piercing: the one but also none u feel

54. Sport: i did ballet which i loved but then i had to stop or go on with people who were like two or three years older than me and were way better so i quit

55. Vacation: i mean i went to turkey every year even as a tiny baby i think so that probably?

56. Pair of trainers: i was a tiny child, how should i remember this

57. Eating: ah okay not first so um had a tiny bit of chocolate but still deciding on breakfast

58. Drinking: the water is still there, i’ll take a sip now

59. I’m about to: figure out what to read whilst i hide from the cleaning lady for three hours (and probably eat something first)

60. Listening to: currently it’s royals also by lorde

61. Waiting for: a simple thing rn because we’re not that deep yet: a burst of motivation to go shopping tonight with my sister and her friend

62. Want: general Big Life Things, but also just books??? i fucking love books NO FUCK I WANT TIME LOTS OF TIME SO I CAN DO EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO

63. Get married: not planning to but who knows life is weird

64. Career: okay look the most ideal one would be a scientist and an author but we all know studying law won’t get me there so we’re still figuring it out, but scientist and author??? especially scientist??? id die for that man

YOUR TYPE… 65. Hugs or kisses: currently feeling a good hugs (woah, we would never have guessed tumblr user cuddlingsun)

66. Lips or eyes: eyes i guess??

67. Shorter or taller: taller??? look I don’t Know these things

68. Older or younger: probably older??? but also like younger is fine??? idk

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I DON’T KNOW EITHER HANA whichever one that person wants??? like i’m not very specific on these things

71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive I guess but like hana said, you could be both

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship lmao what would i get out of a hookup except for years of pining

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, but also a teeny bit mischievous otherwise i’d get bored --------- keeping hana’s answer here

HAVE YOU EVER… 74. Kissed a stranger?: nope

75. Drank hard liquor?: nope

76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: i lost a lens once when i slept with them in accidently, but later found it on my pillow (i think) which was quite odd

77. Turned someone down: HA if we’re HONEST yes but like,,, i was twelve,,, he was weird,,, let’s forget it ever happened

78. Sex on first date: um no -- hana catching my feelings perfectly

79. Broken someone’s heart: well that would be a maybe but i hope not lmao

80. Had your heart broken: L M A O yes way too easily

81. Been arrested: nope

82. Cried when someone died: yes, though it usually takes other people crying for me to Get There

83. Fallen for a friend: yes? no? idk what came first but honestly i’d like to have it be a friend rather than a stranger lmao

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 84. Yourself: in all honesty no, but i’m trying to

85. Miracles: yes, in a way

86. Love at first sight: sort of?? like not love exactly but a feeling that turns into actual love yeah that’s possible i guess

87. Santa Claus: nope, but i dont remember if i ever believed in him to begin with so i should ask me mum probably

88. Kiss on the first date: idk???

89. Angels: yeah i mean yeah with the religion thing and stuff i guess that’s a yes

OTHER… 90. Current best friend’s name: honestly idk like i have many best friends and i don’t really have a solid best friend anymore but that’s fine because i lov so many people anyway

91. Eye colour: also brown

92. Favourite movie: don’t??? but all righty some time ago i’d have said spongebob the movie so that, hidden figures, prisoner of azkaban, dead poets society, brave (also pride and prejudice & austenland probably)

i tag @bothhappy--andsad because she usually wants to do these kinds of tags and if they want to: @ryanperch @floralaesthetlc @klainederful cus u guys are super cool and i wanna know if you care to do it (and anyone else that wants to do it can say i tagged them cus i wanna READ)

#me #tags #ily han thanks for tagging me good way to spend my time #about me #idk how to tag this #bcb

4 notes · View notes