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mha-adore · 3 years

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General HCs: Students

Excluding Dekusquad and Bakusquad I have everyone else here, I hope you like it ☺

Tokoyami (+Dark Shadow)

* He's really trying to be a harbinger of truth and exposer of deciet. He's a dork. He's just trying to impress you.

* He's so stupidly into music and has like seven playlists he's made for you. Please listen to them he worked hard. He's really shy about his music tastes.

* Dark Shadow teases him relentlessly. You're walking near him? Tokoyami mysteriously trips into your open arms. You need help reaching something on a high shelf? Shadow birb got you covered. His only goal is to make you notice how flustered he is with you.

* He's insecure about being part avian. Most people aren't really attracted to birds, right? Honestly he could look like anything, it doesn't matter. He's a little angsty but kind hearted and pays close attention to you.

Jiro

* She's written like fifteen songs for you and you've heard none of them. They're top secret hidden in her locked diary. If you ask her very nicely and promise not to judge she'll play some for you.

* Expect a lot of punk and metal gifts from her. Her entire existence is punk and metal please lift her up. She is so shy about it.

* Totally the flustered gf. Borrows your clothes without asking and denies it only to approach you in front of everyone else and be like "oh hey here's your shirt back btw" and leave like it was nothing but she is screaming inside.

* Honestly just share a closet with her you two would trade clothes so often you'd need to stitch your names into the tags to keep track. Share the same perfume/cologne too while you're at it. Did you use the same fragrance or did you snuggle together for an hour? No one else knows.

Momo

* She knows other people are after her either for her physique, her family wealth or both and as such, is distrustful at first. She doesn't want to fall for someone only to learn they're using her. Give her space to get comfortable with who you are.

* That said when she knows it's genuine feelings she spoils you rotten. Designer clothes, expensive jewelry, a custom hero costume etc. Her wallet is yours for the taking. Please don't fuck her over.

* Because her family is well known both as elites and heroes she has a reputation to keep up. She insists that you go with her dressed well and looking great so she can show you off with style.

* She is actually very soft hearted and needs some soft love sometimes. Just sit with her under a blanket she made and watch a romcom. Don't judge her for binge eating, she needs to eat well to support her quirk. If anyone makes fun of her kick their ass into the stratosphere.

Aoyama

* He simply will not stop sparkling and neither shall you. He shares his skin care, hair care and multi vitamins with you. You're both glowing, literally.

* He can be spontaneous and over the top in everything he does. He likes to show off and catch stares. He wants to catch your stare. If you gaze longingly at him he'll act suave while squealing with glee inside.

* He spends his money frivolously. He buys expensive care products, jewelry, clothes, stuffed animals...Did I mention it's all for you? He's penniless for you and doesn't mind that at all.

* He craves your attention so much. Spend some time alone with him and just look at him. In public keep your eyes locked on him. His ego will go through the roof, in the best way.

Monoma

* He is so fucking full of himself. Until you're around. He's usually narcissistic and up his own ass but when you walk by he's suddenly humble, kind and friendly. It's just him wanting you to see his good side.

* Sweet hearted asshole wants to feel loved. Just be kind to him. Help him with his homework. Spend free time with him. Help him show up 1-A. He'll love it.

* Totally uses you as a reason 1-B is better than 1-A. "Sure you guys fought villains and all but you don't have anyone even vaguely as attractive as my beloved!" Just let him have his fun in the sun.

* His hero costume is over the top for a reason. He wants to be the prince to sweep you off your feet, kiss you and ride off on a horse. He has the attire covered. Next, your love.

Hitoshi

* Above anything please just be accepting of his quirk. Don't ask him to use it for anything unnecessary or say anything bad about it. He's been ridiculed his entire life for his "villainous quirk", please be kind.

* Nap with him dammit. He's sleeping deprived because he pours all day and night into becoming good enough for 1-A. He wants to be a real hero and he values that over sleep. Cuddle with him at night and he'll sleep like a happy rock.

* You must love cats, end of discussion. His backpack is cat shaped, his phone case is a cat, his spirit animal is a cat, he may as well be a cat. He'd be over the moon if you compares him to a Maine Coon.

* When he does get into 1-A please be happy for him. He worked so hard for it, show your support. Even if you're in different classes you can see each other during lunchbreaks and after school.

Mirio

* He is sunshine. He is warmth. He adopts introverts. It's our man. His hugs are like butterfly kisses if they could crush you.

* He's the type to be really into you and still treat you like a friend. He can't get with someone unless he knows them very well beforehand.

* Though he's friendly and out reaching to others he's still a private person who shares little about his personal life. He needs to learn about you first. Being open yourself will encourage him to start chatting about himself.

* He loves romantic songs. He isn't one for Spotify, playlists or the such but if he hears a song that makes him think of you he's texting you the link immediately. He gets so caught up texting you that he stops listening to others and is in his own little world.

Tamaki

* He is just....So shy. So baby. He really wants to be a strong hero and save the people he loves but he is so shy. Don't pressure him into anything, he just needs someone who will let him be himself.

* That said, he has no experience in love. He's had crushes over the years but nothing meaningful enough to mention. Until you came along and took his heart for a stroll. Now you're all he thinks about. Is your hand warm? Do you like to kiss cheeks? What's your favorite flavor Pop Tart?

* When he manages to confess to you (not if, when) it'll be something cheesy but sweet. Like on Valentine's Day he'll leave a heartfelt card on your desk with his signature and a flower. He's a simple man.

* His feelings are so sensitive please never yell at him, not even out of excitement. He's scared of upsetting the people he cares about and wouldn't dream of upsetting you, his little mochi ice cream. Yes all his pet names for you are based on food.

Nejire

* She's the personification of a flower crown. With thorns. Very soft, sweet and pleasing to the eyes but very capable of defending herself. She is not a sex object and beats the ass of anyone who says so about herself or you.

* I personally headcanon her as asexual but that's my idea on it. You can see it however you like. Either way she's very romantic and loves cute gestures like 3 foot tall teddy bears and hand sewn clothes.

* Imagine this: at the beauty pageant, she wears a dress you sewed for her yourself and, alongside her natural beauty and talent, wins the pageant. She would have just been proud to show everyone your skills but she won wearing that dress, you can bet she's telling everyone you made it.

* She treats Eri like a daughter and hopes you'll do the same with her. Call it a little childish but she loves the idea of playing house with you. Married in a little happy home caring for Eri together.

I think that's everyone I need to add for now. If you want to see someone else in this let me know! My next two posts will be this same format for pros and villains. If you have any headcanons to share or a request my inbox is open

#mha x reader #tokoyami #tokoyami x reader #jiro kyoka #jiro x reader #momo yaoyorozu #momo x reader #aoyama yūga #aoyama x reader #monoma neito #monoma x reader #mirio togata #mirio x reader #tamaki amakiji #tamaki x reader #nejire hado #nejire x reader

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weed-cat · 4 years

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IF YOU THINK THAT IT'S ACCEPTABLE TO MAKE FUN OF STUTTERS IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, GET AWAY FROM MY BLOG. THIS INCLUDES ASSUMING THAT SOMEONE IS INCOMPETENT, UN/ILL INFORMED, UNTRUTHFUL, OR DISTRACTED IF THEY STAMMER OR PAUSE UNEXPECTEDLY.

You want to know what it might mean when you hear someone stutter? Okay. I'll tell you. I've had a clinical stutter since learned how to talk. It's a diagnosed speech impediment. I went through almost seven years of speech therapy to try to treat it. I was bullied for years because of it, and still experience microaggressions and unwarrented/rude questions/comments on a regular basis. I speak from my own experience.

There are three types of stutter; repetition, block, and elongation. I have experienced all three, but mostly repetition and block. Would you like to know what the experience is like?

Repetitions are involuntarily. Trying to stop them is like trying to stop choking using pure willpower. You literally cannot make your body stop repeating the phoneme until it wants to. Sometimes you can simply stop talking all together, and either try to restart the word and or find a different one to replace it. But sometimes you can't even do that. Usually happens with glottal stops (((phonemes that involve restricting airflow via the glottis in order to be complete, ie. sounds that you can't make indefinitely. Some glottal stops that are present in the English language are the hard and soft K and T. Notice how you can't drag these out for longer than the split-second that it takes to make them.)) Repetitions are the most people think of when they hear the word 'stutter.'

Blocks are when your vocal system decides that it's just not going to produce a certain phoneme, or it's going to make you wait a while before it does. Usually you can still breathe or even make other sounds, but trying to say what you want literally feels like there's a cork in the back of your throat that's keeping you from expelling the air necessary to produce the vibrations and/or oral friction(s) that compose speech. Sometimes you can't even breathe.

Elongations are when non-glottal phonemes get involuntarily dragged out for longer than they should. Your body won't move on to the next sound until it's through with this one. Sometimes it's just a few seconds, sometimes for multiple full breaths. I've even had ones that have lasted until I had to give up and choose a new word. Sometimes they come with involuntarily physical reactions, like your eyes rolling up or moving your head or tensing.

People with true stutters suffer from loss of control over their own bodies. You probably take for granted the freedom to physically speak without even thinking about it. Even people with other speech impediments can't fully empathize with the experience, although they have their own struggles. Stutters have an ebb and flow, both long term and short-term. For me, I've gone years where it's mild and I can speak mostly free of disfluencies, even to the point where I've thought that it was going away entirely. But I've also gone years where I find myself stuttering at least once with almost every sentence I speak. Even within those periods, there are days, hours, that buck the trend.

It's true that stress and intense emotion can increase the frequency and severity of stutters. But do you know what else can make them worse? Reading out loud. Planning or internally/externally rehearsing exactly what you're going to say. Thinking about it. Having a large number of people listening to you. Talking to new people. Talking on the phone or video chatting. Repeating something you previously said. Emotional/mental/physical exhaustion.

And sometimes? Even if none of those apply? It just happens.

Stutters aren't curable, and avoidance/ treatment strategies are rarely, rarely successful 100% of the time. For some people, they don't work at all.

Studies show that up to 80% of children who stutter ((adolescents and adults very rarely develop stutters)) outgrow it within 2 years of first appearance or before puberty. But for those of us who find it persistent beyond the age of twelve or so, it will almost certainly be a lifelong condition.

If you choose to ignore or overlook the fact that stammers or abrupt vocal pauses or 'unnecessary' prolonged words are sometimes results of an actual disability, fuck you. If you use stutters as any sort of 'proof' of insincerity or incompetence, fuck you. If you make fun of someone for stuttering, even if you KNOW that it's not disordered, fuck you. It's already hard enough for us to accept ourselves and our voices and to get through interactions with others without being unfairly judged. You are making the choice to be ableist and to make life more unpleasant for us.

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yukimoji · 4 years

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Oblivion! Hello, my love. Please could I request some fluff of Shinobu with a female reader? Like some hugs and stuff as Shinobu does research into poisons or something? If not that's completely okay! Thank you :)

(a/n: hi there! this is such a cute request! thank you so much for requesting! i’m so sorry that this came out so late;;

also, i hope you don’t mind that this became more of a gender neutral reader! (；・∀・) )

(Total words: 1400+ words)

Genre: Fluff

No manga spoilers

TW: Mentions of Needles.

Experiment ( Shinobu Kocho x Reader )

You didn't expect anything new to happen today. When you woke up this morning, you were awaiting to go through the same routine that you would experience every day. Eat, train, eat, train again, perhaps a wounded slayer would come to the estate to get patched up. Nothing really transpired in the Butterfly Estate as you spent your days recovering.

You assumed your day to go on as normal, already preparing for another training session, when one of the Butterfly Girls told you that Shinobu requests for your presence in her laboratory. Apparently, she just received new substances from overseas and immediately experimented with them.

You didn't know why you were called, but you wouldn't waste the chance to spend time with the Insect Hashira.

It wasn't until when you arrived that you began to doubt your decisions. Shinobu tended to be very.. passionate in her experiments. When you took a seat on a nearby chair, you felt the blood drain from your face when you caught the sight of a rather large needle situated in Shinobu's hand.

She claimed that she had discovered a mixture that served like some sort of truth serum. Though she doubted that it was going to work on demons, she figured it would affect humans. She was curious how a person might behave under the influence of her newly discovered medicine. Shinobu must have sensed your reluctance, as she reassured you that it was absolutely harmless and that she had already prepared an antidote in case anything goes wrong.

You wanted to say no, you really did. As much as you adored Shinobu, she was a little unpredictable. However, how could you refuse when her purple, doe-like eyes gleamed at you with so much excitement? So, here you were, a sleeve rolled up to your upper arm as the Insect Pillar prepares to inject the substance into you.

Who would've thought that you would be thrown to this predicament?

"Are you sure that this is safe?" You voiced out, a slight quiver noticeable in your voice. You were sweating buckets, trying to stop your body from shaking too much. You drew your brows together, clenching your jaw as you pulled your lips tightly to keep any unnecessary noises from coming out.

Shinobu blinks, and proceeds to give you reassuring smile. "I'm positively sure that this is safe." She spoke out, her voice laced with a slight teasing tone in it. However, her expression dampens when she realizes how uncomfortable you were in this situation.

"You know, if you really don't want to do this, I won't force you." She whispers out, placing a hand on your shoulder to draw soothing circles on it in an attempt to calm you down.

"No!" You answered, rather loudly, surprising the female in front of you as you shook your head. You were nervous, of course, but you would always support Shinobu in her experiments one way or the other. You love her and you know that she loves you, too, and she wouldn't intentionally hurt you in any way.

Giving her an affirming nod, Shinobu gently injects the substance into your arm. The first few minutes, nothing really happened. You felt relatively normal, glancing at Shinobu as she observes you. As time went on, she continues to writes notes and information about your status. It wasn't until about 10 minutes in when you started to feel a little light headed. Your mind was beginning to haze, and your heartbeat was starting to speed up it's pace. Suddenly, you have the urge to just say something, anything that was on your mind.

You continued to stare at Shinobu, and you could feel the blood rushing to your heart. The way she looked so focused on her work was enough to make you feel flustered. You leaned forward on the chair, raising your arm so that you could rest your head on your palm as you continued to admire the Insect Pillar in all her glory with a lopsided grin on your face.

"You know, you're really cute~."

Shinobu pauses her actions, her eyes widening as she turns her head to look at you. A chuckle escapes from her lips as you gazed at her intently, your [ E / C ] orbs gleaming in absolute adoration. She stood up and approached you, kneeling down to your eye-level.

"Are you feeling okay?" She asked, raising a hand to pat your head. You hummed, and leaned forward until your foreheads met. Shinobu's expression contorted into one of curiosity, obviously awaiting your next move, though you could clearly see the slight flush forming across her cheeks.

"I am, now that you're here." You purred out, fluttering your eyelashes at the wide-eyed slayer in front of you.

Shinobu snorts, and proceeds to laugh uncontrollably at your behavior. Your attention never wavered from her, instead, you could almost feel like you were in heaven, as her melodic laughter blessed you. You felt like you were on cloud nine, and you weren't sure if it was because of the medication or just your feelings for the Insect Pillar.

What was in that mixture, anyway?

As Shinobu regains her composure, she hums and observes your figure once more. You looked utterly dazed, and so struck with devotion as you continued gawking at her. Judging from your behavior, it seemed that the medication did not exactly give out the expected result. She felt a little frustrated, but then it's only normal that you're not going to get the right solution at the first time.

Besides, how could she resist you when your eyes held a sick love glow at them? You looked absolutely delightful. She figured that she would mess with you for a little while.

She placed both of her hands to your cheeks, and chuckled as you immediately melted in her touch. Her purple orbs had a teasing glint in them, a smug smirk plastered on her face as she continued to shower you with affection.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks, as you raised your palms to hold onto her own that was caressing your cheeks.

"Mmmm.." You begin, "Just how much I loovee youu~! I love you soo mucchh~!" You slurred and babbled out, a giddy chuckle escaping from your lips.

Shinobu pouts at this, and removes her hands from your face. You whined, as her warmth left your cheeks. She crosses her hands and her face had a serious expression on it. You tilt your head, feeling hurt and confused by her actions.

"I don't believe you."

Your eyes widened, clearly shocked as you processed her words. Fear crossed your face, and you felt your lower lip quiver. Whimpers escaped from your lips as you fought back the tears forming from your eyelids.

What does she mean that she doesn't believe you? Oh god, did she get offended? Oh no, does she hate you now? Oh no, oh no, ohnoohnoohno-

You were cut off from your inner monologue when Shinobu takes your hand, and places a soft kiss on it. She looks up and meets your eyes once more, and gives you a playful grin.

"Because nothing can match my love for you." She winks, and all that sadness washed away in an instant.

You breathed out in relief, and tackled her in loving embrace. Both of you fell to the ground, and Shinobu couldn't help but chuckle as you continued to pamper her face with little kisses.

"Oh my! Looks like someone is eager!" She laughs out, and you could only growl in annoyance as you continued to ravage her smug expression in kisses.

After a few minutes, you ceased your assault on her face. You kept your hold on her, nuzzling your head on her shoulder. You could hear her heartbeat as the two of you cuddled in silence. The only sounds present in the room was your breaths and the muffled chirps of the birds outside. After a while, you looked up to meet her eyes with a pout on your face.

"D-don't tease me like that again, okay?" You whispered out. Shinobu just snickered at your helplessness and flicked your nose.

"Now, now, where's fun in that?" She jokes, and you only grumbled in response.

She places a soft kiss on your cheek which caught you off-guard. An incomprehensible noise escapes from your mouth as you scrambled to return and nuzzle on her shoulder once more to hide yourself from further embarrassment. She giggles at your actions, and continues on to cuddle with you with no intention of letting go.

#shinobu x reader #shinobu kocho x reader #demon slayer x reader #kny x reader #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #demon slayer imagines #kny imagines #moji writes

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chocoluckchipz · 3 years

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The Other You - 20

Read it on A03, FF.net, WattPad

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Hot streams of water running down his body. The cold despair in his heart. The hollow void, the numbing feeling spreading, conquering, overwhelming whatever was left of him. Her words echoed in his mind, louder with each passing minute.

“And even if I was single, I could never be with you. Our history—I can’t fully trust you, Adrien, and no relationship can work without trust. We can never be together!”

His head hung low, Adrien let the water wash over him. Months of preparations and hard work had paid off for Marinette. She was the star of the show. Her career was practically guaranteed after tonight. He, on the other hand, had miserably failed. All of his attempts to coax her to like his civilian self had been for nothing because years ago he’d broken her trust, effectively ruining all of his chances with her in the future.

One mistake.

A lifetime to pay.

Adrien closed his eyes, succumbing to the gripping pain in his chest. His fists clenched, his knuckles white. He'd tried so hard. He'd pulled all the tricks he could think of, and the only thing he'd achieved was to push her away even more. Two weeks ago, she'd tolerated him enough to agree to lunch. Now, she didn’t even want his friendship.

Where did he go wrong?

Or maybe that shouldn’t be the question. Perhaps, he should consider if all of his attempts were trivial in the first place? Was the hurt he’d caused Marinette too deep for her to ever fully forgive him?

He swallowed back the knot in his throat and shut off the water. Heartbreak aside, Adrien couldn’t spend an hour in the shower. He had a promise to keep.

“Trying to kiss her was a mistake, you know,” Plagg yawned, lounging on the vanity counter. “You’re two different people to her, or did you forget that? You were basically pushing her to cheat on her beloved cat."

"Don't rub it in," Adrien seethed through his teeth. "I didn't plan to do that. It just… just happened. I got caught up in the moment and… nothing happened. She pushed me away, so… Just drop it."

“Yeah, yeah. You’re attention-starved. Feeling too guilty to touch her as Chat, but can't do anything as Adrien, and it’s getting really hard to stay away. Right?”

“Do you really need to bring this up?”

“Just pointing out the obvious, in case you missed it. That was the perfect recipe for a disaster! And now, she hates your guts again. Congratulations.”

His lips pressed into a thin line, Adrien glared at his kwami. Sometimes, Plagg really got on his nerves. Was there even a shred of empathy in that little body of his? Hadn't he witnessed all of Adrien’s struggles these last few weeks with his own eyes? Because staying away from Marinette as Chat Noir was one of the hardest things Adrien had ever had to do. Yet, giving her what she wanted from him was out of the question. Adrien would never forgive himself for taking advantage of her, and being with her as Chat Noir without her knowing his identity would be just that—taking advantage.

“Are you sure you still want to go over there tonight?” Plagg had the decency to ask. “It’s been a long day. Don’t you want to relax at home with a nice movie and a snack?”

Adrien grabbed the towel from the bar and started to dry himself. “Chat Noir promised Marinette he’d come to celebrate her big day. We’re still going.”

“I bet she won’t even be home. She’s probably still partying. You know, having fun like a normal person? Not sneaking away before everyone else to lick his wounds in private. If you wanted to help her celebrate, you should’ve stayed there.”

Adrien shook his head. “She doesn’t want Adrien to celebrate with her. She wants Chat Noir.”

“And what do you want?”

Adrien stilled. Leaning on his arms onto the vanity, he met his own gaze in a mirror.

Him? His wishes? His desires? Did he even dare? And if he did find the bravery for that…

What did he want?

Love. He wanted to be loved. He wanted to be forgiven. He wanted to be accepted… All of him, not just his superhero side. He wanted to be with the woman he loved, to cherish and protect her, to hold her in his arms and kiss her breathless. He wanted to share his life with her. To wake up and fall asleep in her arms. He’d enjoy caring for her. To be by her side, to have her by his. He’d be the luckiest man alive if she’d just let him love her and love him back.

He wanted Marinette.

Despite everything, despite his better judgement and Plagg’s nagging, he still wanted Marinette.

But he supposed it was too selfish of a desire for him. Not after what he’d done to her.

Plagg hovered in front of him, his face unusually serious. “She either wants all of you or she gets none, kid. Don’t go there. It’s not going to end well.”

Adrien swallowed and shook his head, looking away. “We’re going. I promised I’d come, and I’m not failing her again, not even in something so small.”

“Even if it hurts you?”

Adrien didn’t answer, grabbing a bottle of hair balm and starting to work it into his hair.

“I’ve hurt her worse,” he mumbled a short while later. “It’s only fair for me to hurt some too.”

“Oh, bullshit!” Plagg scoffed. “Like she didn’t hurt you enough in return! Kid, I usually don’t care, but you’re going overboard. You have to let her go. She said she’s never giving you another chance, so stop this. Stop destroying yourself.”

Adrien ignored him, brushing his teeth and relocating to his bedroom to finish dressing. He didn’t bother with what he wore much. He didn’t plan on de-transforming in front of Marinette anytime soon. A black t-shirt and dark green lounge pants, something comfortable in which he could plop into his bed upon returning. He checked up on the sleeping Nooroo and Duusu, refilling their food supplies, and only then turned to Plagg. “Ready?”

The kwami frowned, crossing his tiny arms over his chest. “When did you become a masochist, kid?”

“I’m not a masochist. I just want to finish what I’ve started. That’s all.”

Plagg groaned, throwing his paws into the air. “Do what you want, but you’re just setting yourself up for more hurt. What are you going to do when she finds out who you are? Because she will find out sooner or later.”

Adrien looked away, a dull ache gripping at his chest.

Marinette couldn’t know.

Not after he’d learned that there would never be a chance for him. Not after he’d gone behind her back again in something that directly concerned her. He hadn’t learned his lesson at all, no matter how much he claimed he did. She’d probably hate him even more if she were to find out. She’d probably assume he didn’t think she could do things on her own, which wasn’t true because he did believe in her and he knew how strong and capable and independent she was. She wasn’t Ladybug for nothing.

He just didn’t want her to kill herself while she was at it.

He only wanted to help, which was something she’d asked for herself. Only, Marinette would’ve never accepted help from Adrien, so he had no choice but to improvise. Would she still hate him? Most likely. Given their history and current relationship, Adrien didn’t expect anything less.

“Adrien, please,” Plagg continued to nag. “You wanted to help her. You did it. Now, let her go. Don’t wait for her to kick your ass into oblivion for being stupid.”

He ran his hands through his hair. He hated the idea, but perhaps Plagg was right. If Adrien wanted to prevent his reveal and spare them both unnecessary hurt, he had to let her go. And now, while Marinette was distracted by her success, was perhaps the best time to do so. She was sure to be thrown into a whirlwind of events, work and new experiences quite soon. New people, new connections, new opportunities… She’d hardly miss him, if at all.

He didn’t want to simply vanish on her like he did the last time, though. The least Marinette deserved was some kind of an explanation. Perhaps, he could say he was moving away due to his work. Or he could claim he’d always wanted to travel the world and now was his only chance. Ideally, he’d slowly fade away and she’d forget all about him soon thereafter. He’d think of something…

He would have to break up with her.

His breath stumbled in his chest. Legs giving out on him, Adrien collapsed into a nearby chair. They’d just started dating… Though, it was hard to even call it dating. Not with the way things were between them. And yet he’d have to break up with her before he could vanish. He’d have to break Marinette’s heart no matter what he did—let her go, or stay and reveal himself. He closed his eyes, gripping his head with his hands.

He didn’t want to do that.

He didn’t want to hurt her more.

He’d already lived through losing everyone important to him. His mother. His father. His friends.

He couldn’t lose his Lady as well.

He loved her.

“Kid, are you alright?” Plagg carefully touched his arm. “Don’t worry. There are other fish in the—“

“Shut up, Plagg! Can you, please, just shut up for just a moment?”

The kwami grumbled and turned away, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m just trying to be optimistic.”

Adrien closed his eyes and inhaled.

In.

Out.

Breathe.

Let it all out.

Repeat.

There had to be another way. He had to be able to do something to avoid hurting Marinette again.

His eyes caught a glimpse of the clock.

He’d have to think about it later because now he was morbidly late to their dinner, and Marinette was probably worrying over his tardiness. Without a second thought, he stood up and called for his transformation. Grabbing a package of wine and chocolates he’d prepared for her as a present, Chat jumped out the window and headed to her apartment.

All pain and worries aside, today was her big day and he had to put her first, which meant her boyfriend had to be on his best behaviour and make her happy… even if his own heart was breaking with every passing minute because he couldn’t love her the way she deserved to be loved.

Because she couldn't love him the way he wished she would.

***

Judging by the lack of lights in the windows, Marinette was most likely still out. She must have gotten held up at the after-party—nothing unusual for the industry and someone in her position, especially today. The balcony door he always used to get in was open, clearly signalling that she wasn't against him waiting for her inside.

He wasn’t hungry himself, but Marinette would probably appreciate a warm meal upon her return. There were two marinated steaks she’d prepared for them for tonight in the fridge. Perhaps, too heavy of a meal at this hour, and it wasn’t like he’d be able to cook them properly anyway. Cheese would do. Grapes and bread too. Some wine to finish the meal off.

Chat got all the ingredients he needed, cutting cheese and bread into slices and arranging them on a plate. He put the wine he’d brought in a chiller and washed grapes, taking them off the vine and putting them into one of his mother’s crystal bowls. She used to collect them back in the day. He chose the best one he could find.

Setting the table, Chat went through the trouble of finding candles and lighting a few in the centre of the dining table. Two plates at each end, two wine glasses and silverware. Food prepared and stored in the fridge, he was ready for his Lady’s return. To kill some time, he settled on a couch in the living room and turned on the TV just so he wouldn’t slip back into thinking about the inevitable break-up he’d have to mastermind.

Marinette came an hour later, stumbling on her high heels and sweetly grinning at him upon entering. “My Kitty. You came.”

Her face flushed, lips trembled, a sparkle in her half-lidded eyes, and messy hairdo… There was no denying it.

“You’re drunk.”

“I am not.” Marinette pulled off her shoes and threw them in a corner, immediately after pulling all the pins out of her hair and shaking her head. “Just a little tipsy. Nothing serious. But I had to. After that…" She bit her lower lip, looking away. “…celebrate. Yes, I had to celebrate. That’s it. My show was a blast so a few drinks were in order. Sorry, I'm late. Couldn't get out sooner. Ugh. I’m exhausted.”

“Congratulations on your success. You’ve definitely earned it.”

“Too bad Felix bailed on me,” she grumbled. “He would’ve loved the show, and he deserved to be there for all the ovations. I’ll give him an earful about it next time I see him.”

“I’m sure he’d love that.” Chat couldn't help a smile. One of the reasons he loved Marinette was just that—she cared for those she considered friends with her whole heart. Too bad Adrien wasn’t on her list anymore. He had to push through, though. He’d figure out what to do with his broken heart later. “Would you like something to eat or to bed we go?”

Marinette’s lips stretched in the most seductive grin she could manage at the moment as she wiggled her eyebrows and leaned closer. “We?”

Chat shook his head. “No, M’Lady. You need actual sleep. I’ll go home.”

She pursed her lips in a pout. “You’re no fun, Chaton. Food it is, then.”

“Alright. Just keep in mind I’m no chef, so it’ll be more like snacks.”

She stepped closer, her fingers dancing across his chest as she looked up at him from under those long eyelashes. “Say, Chat. Did anyone ever tell you you look like a snack?”

His heart was not strong enough for this. He almost responded when the scent of alcohol hit his nose. Chat swallowed, trying to get a grip on his own emotions, and pulled back. Maybe he was a masochist after all—letting this woman break him over and over again, yet still coming back for more. Did he secretly enjoy this torture?

What was wrong with him?

But… what a persistent woman she was! Stubborn and determined, confidently walking to her goals no matter what. Just the way he liked her.

“Not today, Marinette. You need to sober up first.”

“I’m perfectly fineee.” She batted her eyes at him, pulling him closer. “Just taste and you’ll see—”

Kwamis give me strength!

“I guess this means you’re off to bed and I’m going home?”

That seemed to do the trick. Marinette pursed her lips and withdrew, heading for the kitchen. “You promised me snacks. Don’t you dare to leave without feeding me first.”

“Would never dream of it.”

Once at the dining table, he motioned for Marinette to sit while he brought out the food he’d prepared. Marinette settled in a chair and put her hands on the table, resting her chin on them. Her eyes focused on the candles’ flame.

"Pretty. You're so thoughtful, Chaton. I love watching fire.”

“I thought you’d want something relaxing to look at after a hard day of work.” He sat across the table in his seat. “Enjoy the food. I’m sorry it’s not much.”

“It’s perfect," Marinette whispered, watching him with half-lidded eyes. She popped a grape into her mouth and chewed. “You’re perfect, Chaton. Way more perfect than I am.”

He wanted to smile, yet the dull ache that gripped his heart kept him grounded in the reality of the situation. If only she knew who she was saying these words to she’d take them back. A lump at the back of his throat, Chat focused his eyes on his plate. “You’re overestimating me. The real—”

He sucked in a gasp at an unexpected touch. Somehow, Marinette was a breath away from him, his face cradled in her hands as she raised it to look at him.

“Don’t you dare to object,” she said, looking him in the eyes. “You are perfect. I don’t deserve you. I never did, but I love you so much. Please, why won’t you accept me?”

“I love you too, Marinette,” he whispered, gripped with throbbing pain.

“Then prove it.”

She leaned up, her eyes fluttering close, her lips aiming for his.

Chat tensed and pulled back.

He couldn’t.

No matter how damn hard he wanted to kiss her, he couldn’t do that because she would hate him even more if he kissed her. She’d never want to kiss Adrien.

He couldn’t do that to her.

He couldn’t do that to himself.

“I think you’ve had one too many drinks,” he whispered instead. “You should go to bed and we’ll celebrate some other time.”

Her whole body stiffened. Eyes closed, lips pressed together, Marinette pulled back, turning away. When she spoke, her voice was sharp enough to cut steel.

“Just admit it. You don’t love me. You never did.”

“What? No!” He protested without a second thought. Even knowing that a break-up was coming, Chat still hated the idea of her doubting his feelings. “Of course, I love you, Marinette, but you need to rest now. You aren’t thinking clearly.”

“I just had a few drinks. I’m not drunk!”

“You’ve got a tiny body, and you barely drink, if ever. A few drinks for someone else might not be an issue, but for you—”

Groaning, she jerked around and stomped away. “Don’t patronize me! All I wanted was to kiss my boyfriend. How is that not thinking clearly?”

He looked away in desperation. Pathetic. He couldn’t even explain this to her. He’d only make it worse if he did.

Then… could it be any worse than it already was?

“Marinette, I’m sorry but—”

“You can’t kiss me until you solve your issues, right?”

He nodded.

“And when will that happen?”

“I don’t know.”

Marinette huffed, throwing her arms into the air. “Do you want to know what I know? I know you don’t love me, Chat—”

“Mari—”

“Don’t you dare!” She swung around and pointed her finger at him. “Don’t you even dare to say I’m wrong because you know I’m right. You don’t love me. You don’t love Ladybug anymore and you never loved Marinette to start with. Why do you even bother with me at all?”

Something stirred in the pit of his stomach, coursed through his veins and ignited a fire in his chest. He might be a jerk and he might have withheld information and deceived her—mind you with good intentions—but he had never lied about his feelings!

“You’re wrong! I do love you—"

“You refused to confess your feelings to Ladybug, and the minute you found out I was her, you distanced yourself from me! Tell me I’m wrong.”

“There’s a good reason—”

"A good reason of not loving me!”

“No! It’s not that.”

“Explain then! Because I’m sick and tired of you keeping it vague. What issues do you have to deal with? Why are they stopping you from kissing the person you claim to love? Tell me, Chat! Why?”

His fists clenched at his sides, Adrien pressed his lips into a thin line and looked away.

He couldn’t.

Not yet.

Maybe he could come up with another crazy idea to fix this?

He just had to ignore the fire rapidly spreading through his veins.

He would resist.

He would contain it.

“Thought so,” Marinette whispered bitterly and turned around. “Leave. I don’t want to see you right now.”

“Marinette, listen—"

“Leave, Chat!” She hugged herself, the skin on her arms under her fingertips turning white. “I don’t want to hear any more of your lies and excuses.”

“I’m not lying!"

“Then why wouldn’t you tell me at least the reason you refuse to kiss me?”

“I can’t. Not yet…”

“Then come back when you’re ready to talk.”

Chat clenched his jaw, fighting the tears gathering in his eyes. His breathing ragged, he closed his eyes, struggling to restrain the resentment and anger boiling inside his chest.

It hurt.

So much.

It tore him apart, ripped through his heart, destroying the last bits of caring he had.

What was even the point now?

She hated him.

Not just the Adrien part of him anymore.

She hated both sides of him now. Perhaps, it was his chance then? He didn't have to orchestrate anything. Marinette had already done all the work.

“So, this is it? Is this the end?”

“Only if you want it to be,” she said, her back to him. “I love you, Chat. I really do, but this hurts. I’m giving you my whole self every single day, and you keep pushing me away without an explanation. Why? Why do you hate me so much?”

“I don’t hate you… I just can’t tell you some things. Not yet, at least. If I did, it’ll hurt you more than this.”

“So you’re, what? Protecting me?”

He could see the anger in her eyes, could feel the spite in her words as she glared at him over her shoulder.

“I don’t need protection, Chat. I handled monsters on a daily basis for years. Sometimes, I even had to fight them and you! I can deal with whatever you’re keeping a secret from me. Don’t you see it hurts me more when I don’t know what’s going on?”

Chat clenched his fists so hard his knuckles turned white inside his gloves.

It hurt her more when he kept his identity a secret? He doubted she’d think the same if she knew.

“Why can’t you trust me? I’m not a weakling.”

He had never thought her to be one!

“Please, Chat. Just tell me what’s going on. I can handle ”

He had nothing to lose anymore. He had to let her go anyway, so maybe he should tell her everything. Fulfil one last wish of hers before closing this chapter of his life.

Right here.

Right now.

Cut it clean and be done with it.

“You want the truth?”

He didn’t care anymore. Too tired. Too weak to stop the words that avalanched out of his mouth.

“The truth, Marinette, is that you are the one who doesn’t love me! You’re the one who pushes me away. You. Not me. And why? Because of one mistake I made years ago? One! And only because I was trying to be a good friend and wanted what’s best for you!”

He shook his head, struggling to form a coherent thought. “I should’ve stayed away. It wasn’t my business. I should’ve let you make your own mistakes. But no! I had to help. I had to protect you. How stupid of me! You’re right. You’re strong enough to handle everything on your own. You don’t need me.

“You say this hurts? But do you know how much losing your friends, being cut off and cast away like you’re the biggest jerk in the universe hurts? Do you? And all because you tried to help a friend! You didn’t even let me explain!”

His hands gripped his head, he pressed his lips in a thin line for a few seconds, taking a quick breath before continuing. “But you know, I deserved this. I should've been smarter than to help you again as soon as I saw you struggling. And here’s the funny part—you’ll get a real kick out of it—I rushed to help you while you despised me so much you couldn’t even stand to be in the same room with me for more than five minutes! Really. I should win a Nobel Prize for being the dumbest person on this planet. Stupid, brainless, and pathetic because despite knowing everything, knowing you hated me and knowing you’d never forgive me… I still managed to fall in love with you. That, Marinette, is what really hurts.”

“What are you talking about?” Marinette whispered, her eyes wide, lips parted in shock.

He didn’t hear, though, all the pent-up, suppressed resentment spilling over, his voice cracking with every word. “I’ve tried Marinette. I’ve tried so hard to get you to like me. Like, not even love. I’d be happy if you just thought of me as a friend. I gave you my all, but it was useless. It was all for nothing. Because of one mistake. Because you’ll never trust me again and there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing! I tried! And I failed.”

Marinette grabbed his hand, her eyes frantic. “What are you talking about? Chat, I love you. Of course, I trust you. We’ve been partners for years. I trust you with my life. How can you even think I don’t trust you?”

Adrien laughed. Bitterly. Resentfully. Almost insanely. “Oh really? Can you look me in my eyes without this mask on and repeat that?”

“Of course I can! I love the man underneath the mask, the man I know you truly are.”

He didn’t think twice. He didn’t think at all. He just commanded.

“Plagg, claws in.”

The moment the mask disappeared from his face, Marinette took a step back, covering her mouth with her hands.

“Can you say you love me now, Marinette?” Adrien repeated, keeping his eyes on her.

Her eyes wide, she stared at him in silence.

Adrien closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat away.

This was a mistake.

This whole thing was a mistake.

He should’ve stayed away from her just as Plagg had insisted.

"Claws out," he whispered and, turning around, walked towards the balcony. He didn't look back as he opened the door. No one called for him to come back or at least to wait, so he jumped out of the window and vanished into the darkness, leaving Marinette behind.

***

His legs heavy, Chat ran. Ran as fast as he could, as far away as he was able to, stopping only when there was nowhere else to go. His vision blurring, he collapsed on his knees and leaned into his arms, letting a devastating cry out into the night from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

She didn’t answer his question which meant it was probably a no.

She didn’t call for him when he was leaving.

She didn’t follow him here.

She really did hate him now.

Chat curled in on himself, hiding behind one of the beams. Numb and broken, streams of tears poured down his face. He hugged his knees. His head hung low, only one question violating his thoughts.

Why?

Why was he so stupid?

Why couldn’t he be smarter and avoid repeating his own mistakes?

Why did she hate him so much?

Why?

Was he so unlovable?

Was it that impossible to forgive him even after everything he had done to apologize?

Why couldn’t he change anything?

Why did all of his efforts bring nothing but more complications and hurt?

Why did he still care in the first place?

Why did he have to fall in love with the only woman who hated his guts?

Why?

Why couldn’t it all just end?

The pain.

The despair.

The throbbing, burning wound on his bleeding heart.

He wrapped his arms around his body and tried to stop thinking. Thoughts were painful. They hurt. It would get better eventually. He might be all alone again, but it would change one day. He hoped it would. He just had to get through this.

Somehow.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but by the time his tears ceased, the city was starting to wake up. The eastern corner of the sky coloured yellow, chasing away the dark clouds above him. Dawn of a new day. A promise of light after the darkness. Chat used to love sunrises. Now, he looked at the first rays peeking from behind the horizon and felt nothing.

Tears ceased. The pain dulled or maybe he just got used to it. He wasn’t sure. He blindly starred in front of himself, releasing his transformation.

“Kid, what are you doing?! Get away from the ledge!” Plagg yelled, forgetting all about his usual request for cheese.

Adrien sadly chuckled. “Don’t worry, Plagg. I’m not suicidal. I… I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

Plagg understood without further explanation. He silently crawled into Adrien’s hands, nestling in his lap. They sat in silence for a few moments before Adrien spoke again.

“Plagg?”

“Yeah?”

“Why was I chosen to be your wielder?”

“Why do you suddenly want to know that after all these years?”

“I don’t know.” He fell quiet for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “Maybe because if I know that there is something inside me that would always lead to destruction and failure, it’d be easier to stop wanting stuff, stop wishing for something wholesome in my life. You know, like if you know that you’re destined to be a villain, it’s easier to accept that and stop trying to be the good guy, someone you weren’t born to be. You can’t fight destiny, right?”

“What do you mean?” Plagg frowned, flying up to look at Adrien closer. “You weren’t destined for anything like that, kid. There isn't such a thing as destiny at all. And even if there was, you choose your destiny yourself.”

“Well, what about all those ‘they were destined to be this and that’ or ‘they are destined to be together’? There is something. People can feel it.”

"There are people who have specific talents and qualities to be something others can't because they lack said traits. And some people work better with each other than with others because they share similar values, goals and have compatible characters. It's not destiny. You're the owner of your life, kid, and you can choose to be whoever and with whomever you want. Easy. Don't complicate stuff that shouldn't be complicated."

“Then, tell me, what do we share for me to be chosen to be your wielder? Do we share values or goals? Or maybe I’m just so naturally good at destroying everything around me, Master Fu deemed me to be a fitting partner to the kwami of destruction.”

"Now you're talking nonsense. You need to rest."

Adrien shook his head. “No. There is obviously something and I want to know what it is. Do we share some kind of negative energy or bad luck tendencies? Tell me. Why was I chosen?”

Plagg sighed, looking straight into Adrien’s eyes. “Kid, the wielders of the Black Cat miraculous are chosen based on the purity of their hearts. Kindness, selflessness, compassion. Those are the qualities the Guardian is looking for because, believe me, it takes a whole lot of good in a person to counterbalance my destruction and control the chaos I embody. You weren’t chosen because of some negative energy voodoo or destiny’s cruel joke. You were chosen because, despite your circumstances, you were strong enough to preserve a pure, kind and selfless heart.

“So, there,” Plagg grumbled. “You were chosen because you have so much good in you that only you could counterbalance me. That’s all it is. But don’t you start assuming you’re taking on some of my bad luck in return. That’s not how it works. I do not affect you in any way apart from draining your wallet for my Camembert.”

Adrien stared at Plagg, dumbfounded. “Then why does this keep happening to me? Why do I keep screwing up? If I’m such a great person, why can’t I be happy for once?”

“Because you’re human,” Plagg shrugged. “Humans do tons of shit all the time and sometimes, it’s just harder to get out of one particular pile of shit than out of another. That’s all.”

Adrien sadly chuckled. “That’s all?”

“That’s all.”

“Sucks to be human then.”

“Sucks to think there is something more to this life than a good wheel of Camembert.”

Adrien laughed. “You’re right, Plagg. You were right all along, and you know what? From now on, I’m listening only to you. You did manage to keep ‘Felix’ in line, so I’m sure you can keep Adrien out of trouble as well.”

“About time you recognized my talents. And since I’m the boss now, I say we should go home. It’s late and you’re shivering.”

He was cold. And sleepy. His eyes were practically closing on their own. He didn’t even notice. But Plagg did. He cared. Someone did care. Then, maybe Adrien should return the favour and care only for those who did the same for him?

“Your wish is my command, Boss.” He smiled, standing up.

“I like the sound of that,” Plagg smirked. “The Boss also says we’ll buy more Camembert from now on.”

Adrien petted his kwami’s head. “Absolutely. Especially since I’m also switching to the Camembert-obsessed way of life starting today. We’ll definitely need more of it now that you have to share.”

Plagg's eyes blew round. "Share? Who said anything about sharing? You get your own stack. You can afford it."

“And here I thought you liked me enough to share your precious cheese with me.”

“You really need to sleep. Transform and let's go already.”

Adrien took one last look at the rising sun and inhaled the morning breeze. For better or for worse, there were no more secrets between Marinette and him, apart from the ‘Felix’ part, perhaps. As always, he didn’t let it all out in the best of ways, but he did tell her everything. Now, all he could do was to wait and see what she decided to do with this mess. If she cut him off again… Well, that wouldn’t be surprising. They didn’t even have much between them this time around, to begin with. Why would she want him around? However, if by some miracle she understood and forgave and accepted him…

Adrien bitterly chuckled, shaking his head. He really did need some sleep. Only a severely exhausted, delusional, sleep-deprived mess of a human would hope that Marinette could give him another chance after everything.

Pushing the thought away, he called for his transformation and headed home, falling into the blissful oblivion of sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Things wouldn't seem so grave in the morning. He wasn't completely alone. He had never been.

He had Plagg.

Next >

#miraculous ladybug #marichat #adrienette #ml #chat noir #marinette dupain-cheng #adrien agreste #ladybug #the other you

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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996

This is originally an ask game that’s making the rounds here on Tumblr, but in this blog of course I answer everything. Quarantine Ask Game; questions by ghostly-nblm What’s your go-to snack? I haven’t really have one throughout this lockdown. I just snack on whatever’s available in our pantry - usually we have potato chips, salted egg chips, nuts, etc. And then sometimes my dad will whip up something for us himself, like wicked Oreos, churros, corndogs, and chocolate chip cookies. What’s a movie you could watch over and over? I could probably watch The Proposal everyday for the rest of my life and I doubt you’ll hear a complaint out of me. It’s just so funny, so lighthearted, and the entire cast meshes very well together. Favorite show to binge? Again when it comes to comfort shows/movies, I pick the lighthearted ones because they get me to relax and laugh a lot. That said, my favorite show to binge would be Friends. I recently started binge-watching it again and it feels good to come back to it after several months of not seeing an episode. 5 songs that make you want to dance? Shut Up And Dance - Walk the Moon Cinnamon - Hayley Williams Don’t Start Now - Dua Lipa Caught in the Middle - Paramore 7/11 - Beyoncé So, basically, Top 40 shit because it’s that genre that produces the most dance-y songs anyway. Pls don’t judge lmaaaaaao I like other artists I swear

5 songs that make you feel less lonely? I don’t know if I’ve ever turned to music to feel less lonely...I never really seek out that particular feeling. If anything, I listen to certain songs because I feel alone and I would want it to stay that way for the meantime.

Favorite meal to cook yourself? I always blank out at these cooking questions because I don’t know how to make anything, soz. When I start earning my own money I swear I’ll start experimenting with ingredients in the kitchen. You heard it here first. Seriously guys, when I finally get a stable income and you notice me spending it on unnecessary shit, feel free to nag me and tell me to start cooking!!! How do you “treat yourself”? With food. Food has always been my reward to myself after a long week, a hard exam, a bloody presentation, and basically after getting through something I had been dreading for a long time. Favorite thing to do when doing self care? Surveys. Who have you been talking to the most? My family, I guess. “The most” is really pushing it though; I don’t talk a lot these days and it’s been difficult for me to sustain a conversation and not drain my battery in the middle of it. One thing you really miss right now? The past. I normally don’t think about it, but if there’s something from the past that I do miss, I end up pining hard for it. If you could be self-isolated with anyone who would it be? Angela. We haven’t seen one another in seven months so we could definitely do with spending seven months together lmao. We miss the shit out of each other. Do you have any pets? Yes :) Small update on my dogs: so for the last four months Kimi has hated having Cooper around and snarls every time he senses he’s nearby. But, and we have no clue what changed, now he has started humping Cooper and wants to be near him all the time...ugh. Favorite video games? At the early early phase of the lockdown I played Mario Kart 8 on the Switch all day long. Then for some reason I stopped and I haven’t played since like April. I haven’t played other video games. Favorite podcasts? Ear Biscuits. Andi has also started their own podcast and it debuted like a week ago; it looks extremely promising, but I’m super behind since I’ve deleted all my socials. I’ll catch up once I’m in the right state of mind and am feeling better enough to come back on my accounts. Favorite YouTubers? The main channels I watch are Good Mythical Morning and The Try Guys. But throughout the quarantine sooooooo many local celebrities have started their own vlog channels and majority of them are super fun to watch. My faves would be Andi Manzano’s, Manny Pacquiao’s daughter Mary’s, and Bea Alonzo’s. Wake up time? These days I try to be out of bed by 8:30 so I can sufficiently prepare and clean up for work, but early on in the lockdown I liked staying up all night and then waking up at like 9 or 10 AM. Sleep time? Anywhere from 10 PM to 1 AM. If you could go anywhere right now where would it be? I’d be in Sagada, vacationing by myself and doing some hiking, spelunking, reflecting, and soul-searching. I wish I can go back there someday; I just reallllly need to be out of the house and out of the city for a while.

What’s a change you want to keep when self isolation is over? There is nothing I wish to keep from this quarantine. It turned my entire life around and I wish I had all the things I had before it instead. Have you learned something? Yeah. Some of them the hard way. Any new skills? I took up a course on marketing last month so that was a lot of fun. Hobby-wise, I’ve been thinking of getting into cross-stitching so I can’t wait to buy my own kit and start with that. I’m also learning a lot of new and super helpful skills at work, like coming up with PR tactics/executions, knowing what will work for a client and what wouldn’t, photo editing, etc. It’s been the best internship experience ever. What’s a hobby you’d like to start learning? ^ The latter. I’d also love to learn how to bake, and maybe? start a vlog because it’d be nice to have an outlet where I can express myself and do new things while sharing my experiences with other people. What’s something you’d like to get better at? I constantly want to improve at my job because perfectionism. What food do you wish you had right now? Coffee shop pastries. :( God I haven’t had one of those in a while; I miss them loads. Your go to quarantine outfit? I don’t have one but man, when I do go out I tend to overdress because I rarely get an opportunity or have a reason to drive out these days, so I allow myself to look cute and all dressed up even if I’m just meant to pick up food at my grandma’s or something. What have you done today? I’ve been taking this survey, taken a shower, cried for a half hour, played with Cooper, cradled Kimi like a baby, checked my emails, and taken a few sips of coffee. Any plans for tomorrow? Work work work. What’s on your “to watch” list? The second volume of Unsolved Mysteries is finally out on Netflix so I’m hoping I get around to watching a few episodes soon. Any musicians/bands you’ve discovered? Most recent one was Chase Atlantic but I discovered them like back in July. Since I’m not listening to a lot of music these days, I’m not expecting to find new bands or singers to get into any time soon. Post a selfie right now!! Eh. Post pictures of your pets! I don’t feel like raking through my photos this morning. Maybe some other time. When was the last time you drank water? Last night at dinner. When was the last time you ate? Last night. When was the last time you got up and stretched? I can’t remember when I last did that. I usually stretch in bed, though.

Favorite song right now? This has been asked on every damn survey recently. I’m sure you’ll find my answer within the first page of my blog. Favorite social media to scroll through? It used to be Twitter until the lockdown hit and everyone stopped going out and having interesting updates. Before I deactivated everything, I loved spending time on Facebook. What’s the last thing you ate? A slice of pizza. What’s the weather like where you are? It’s a little cloudy and cold. I’m expecting it to rain today. Have you been playing animal crossing? No, but I know so many people who have been. How are you feeling? 50% meh, 50% just going through the motions. Who’s the last person you texted? Ate Alyanna. We’re both going through rough patches at the moment so we were cheering one another up. I needed that positivity a lot this morning and I’m glad we had that interaction. What does your last text message say with no context? ”Waaaaaaaa cute” Post a meme that made you laugh recently:

Outdoor activity you’d like to do right now? Hiking, mountain climbing, camping. Anything that’ll help me get disconnected from the world for a few days, really. Something you’re looking forward to when quarantine is over? Doing all those ^, traveling, being able to actually go to a workplace (once I have one), seeing my friends, going to bars again. Someone you’d like to see when quarantine is over? Everybody, man. I don’t give a shit as to who it is. Any new games coming out you want to play? Not really. I’m just waiting on GTA 6 even though there’s been like 0 updates on that front. New shows you’ve discovered? I revisited The Crown, but that’s it. I haven’t discovered anything new. Most comfortable piece of clothing you have? I find all of them comfortable; that’s why I wear them at home haha.

#survey #surveys

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porkchop-ao3 · 5 years

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A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 6)

Jemima Jones

Up to some mischief with Johnny boy. Contains a little mistreatment of minors (not by any of the main characters btw)

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

John rode us to the trapper, keeping a fast pace on his horse that reminded me how much I missed riding. We arrived quickly, and John helped me down from the horse when we slowed to a stop near the stall. The trapper looked between us as we approached, greeting me with a nod.

“Funny to see you with some company,” he noted. I placed the pelts down on his table and unrolled them.

“I've been making friends,” I said a little drily. He inspected the pelts, checking their quality.

“Not your finest work,” he noted.

“The deer? I didn't skin those,” I said, and he glanced up at John. “Not him, neither.”

“My, you really have been making friends. You could teach them a thing or two about skinning.”

“Didn't wanna be a smart ass,” I shrugged and the trapper laughed.

“I'll give you ten dollars for the lot.”

“Sure,” I nodded.

“You ain't gonna haggle?” John asked.

“I've haggled with this feller so much he don't even need it no more, that's a good price.”

“If you say so,” he shrugged.

I took the money, pocketed it, and said my goodbyes before mounting John's horse again. He rode us back onto the track, keeping to a trot.

“Where to next, Valentine?”

“If it ain't too much to ask,” I replied.

“Oh it's pushing it, but I'll let you off,” he said, his tone light and jovial. He picked up the pace to a gallop, a longer ride ahead of us than the one down. “Though, I ain't sure what you're planning on buying with ten dollars.”

“It'll probably stretch to a pair of pants. A blouse if I'm lucky.”

“Pants?” John questioned.

“More important than a pretty frock, I reckon. Cheaper too. If I'm gonna be working and hunting more, the pants'll come in handy,” I explained with a shrug. He nodded in understanding.

“I was speaking to Dutch the other day about what sorts of jobs we could get you in on.”

“Yeah? I don't wanna shoot nobody,” I said, right off the bat.

“Didn't think you would. But I was thinking, you did a pretty good job of bringing me into that ambush the other day. Reckon we might be able to flip that on its head, use some of your performative skills.”

“I weren't performing anything, John. I thought I was gonna die,” I deadpanned.

“I know. And I ain't suggesting we use you as bait like those other fools did, either. A distraction, though. You got that quiet, vulnerable thing going for you–”

“You think I look vulnerable?” I balked, staring at the back of his head with my face screwed up.

“Now I know you a little better, no. But I think you could pull it off; you're young, quiet, polite, you could bend all that to your favour.”

“And do what exactly?”

“Say we take a bank, right? You could distract the tellers, easy, while we go in and take control of the place. And they wouldn't even have to know you were in on it, you're just an innocent little thing tryin'a open an account, or, get a hold of some misplaced funds.”

“A bank. Gosh, John, all I've robbed is drunkards in saloons and the occasional empty homestead.”

“Alright, we start off smaller then, we'll figure something out.”

“I'm willing to try,” I nodded.

“That'll make Dutch happy.”

“And if I do all this; help you lot make money, you'll help me get my horse back?” I asked.

“Of course, we'll do our best,” he glanced over his shoulder at me and smiled.

“And then I can leave and get back to what I was doing before, and Dutch won't have to worry about me squealing on you 'cause I'll be incriminated too,” I thought aloud and John chuckled.

“I suppose that's right. That's if you even wanna leave at that point.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“I mean this life gets pretty addictive, hard to get out of. And Dutch, the community he's built with all of us? Well, it's nice knowing you've got people who'll have your back.”

“I don't know. I think I'm better off on my own.”

“Alright, I ain't gonna try and change your mind,” he said, and we rode in silence the rest of the way to Valentine.

John accompanied me to the general store, where I was able to purchase a pair of men's work jeans and a belt to keep them up, since they were a little loose around the waist. John was carrying them in his satchel for me. I couldn't afford a top, so I'd have to keep borrowing the girls’ for the time being, but it was a start. A step back towards independence.

John wanted to run an errand before we headed back, to check to see if the group had received any mail. We stopped by the station and I waited outside for him, sitting on a bench, people watching. There was a woman nearby – dressed in mint green with her blonde hair styled in an immaculate updo – obviously going on a trip judging by the large case sat by her feet. She was causing a scene, yelling at the top of her lungs to the young boy she was with. He must've been about ten, not very old at all, and his case had opened up, spilling his clothes all over the floor. I hadn't seen it happen but I doubted it was his fault at all, but you'd think he'd committed murder with the way she was hollering at him. I watched in uncomfortable silence as he tried to gather it all up again, flushing with humiliation.

I jumped when John came out to meet me, a letter in hand.

“Letter for Arthur,” he said, inspecting it. “I think it's from Mary, judging by the handwriting.”

“Mary?” I questioned. He looked over his shoulder, distracted by the screaming woman for a moment.

“Last I heard she'd got married. She's an old girlfriend of his,” he told me. I felt an unnecessary amount of pressure to keep my expression as neutral as possible.

A loud snapping sound echoed across the decking, and John and I looked towards it. The kid was sprawled out, clutching his cheek. I covered my mouth, looking up at John who was analysing the situation, looking between the boy, the woman, her case. He turned back to me.

“You wanted some new clothes,” he said under his breath. “Why don't you go talk to her? I'll get you some; she looks about your size.”

My heart pounded at the prospect but I found myself nodding. I cleared my throat and rose to my feet, brushing out the creases in my dress as I made my way over to her, thinking over what I could say. My mind was drawing a blank, I hoped to God something would come out of my mouth when I reached her, and I could improvise my way through it.

“Hello, ma'am?” I said, smiling nervously at her. She looked up at me from her boy, eyes narrowed and expression sour. The kid went back to gathering his things

“Can I help you?” She hissed.

“I was wondering if I could help you, actually,” I told her. “You see, you look like a woman of means, that dress of yours is mighty pretty. I don't s'pose you're looking for a servant girl at all? I'm looking for work and I have a lot of experience, worked for a number of high standing folk.”

“A servant girl?” She scoffed, turning to face me head on, simultaneously putting her back to her baggage. The boy had his back to it too as he knelt on the floor; I saw John strolling by from the corner of my eye, glancing around.

It was pretty quiet on this side of the station, nobody was close enough to really be paying any attention, John just had to get the timing right and I trusted him to do it.

“Yes, could I be of assistance? I can cook, clean, sew… do childcare.” I added, my voice going up at the end. Her expression shifted to one of consideration.

“You any good at tending to horses, too? Our stable boy got sick and died not long ago,” she said without any softening of her words. It shocked me how easily she just said that, like he wasn't even a person at all.

“Oh, of course. That was actually a huge part of my last job.”

“And why'd you lose it? You gotta be looking for work for some reason.”

“My previous employer lost his fortune, he was a heavy gambler. He couldn't keep me,” I explained, shaking my head sadly.

I saw John again, walking behind the woman. As casually as anything he just dipped down and picked up the case, strolling on by around the corner where his horse was hitched. A flutter of exhilaration appeared in my tummy when she didn't even glance back.

“Well,” the woman said, reaching into her purse and pulling out a pencil and a small diary. She scribbled something down before tearing out the page, offering it to me. “You drop in at this address soon and we can talk more.”

“Thank you!” I beamed at her, clutching her hand as I took the note, squeezing it in appreciation. “Jemima Jones, it's a pleasure,” I lied, spewing out the first name to automatically roll off of my tongue.

“Mrs. Schwartz. Don't get your hopes up, you have to meet my husband, first,” she told me and I nodded.

“Of course. I will let you get on, then, and I'll see you soon,” I nodded and gave her a little bow before all but skipping off. She watched me leave, an odd look on her face, but I was gone in seconds. I stuffed the note down into my chemise, saving it for later.

John was sat on his horse, ready and waiting with the case on his lap. “Nice work,” he grinned at me.

“You too!”

He held his hand out and helped me up, then handed me the case. "Hold onto me, and don't be shy, I know you've only got one hand with that case. I don't wanna be losing either of you.”

I shuffled closer to him, wrapping my free arm firmly around his midriff; then he set off. He moved quickly, taking off straight into a gallop to get away from the area as quickly as possible, we probably only had about thirty seconds before the woman would notice her baggage was gone and luckily we were out of there before we heard anything to suggest she had.

I was grinning the whole way back, thoroughly exhilarated by the whole thing. I'd robbed a handful of people but none of them were as exciting as that; working with a partner, getting out clean, robbing from someone I could say probably deserved it. It had been fun.

We arrived back at the camp and Karen was keeping guard, looking between us and at the way I was pinned so close to John. She cocked a brow.

“We’ve been busy today!” I told her.

“You have, huh?” There was an edge to her tone and she made even more of a point of looking back and forth between us. I rolled my eyes and jumped down from the horse as soon as it came to a stop. I held the case up.

“We relieved some sour faced hag of this. I think Mary-Beth'll be pleased; she can have her clothes back,”

“Ooh, I wonder what else is in there,” she said.

“Y’all can do what you please with the rest of it, I'm just interested in some new clothes.”

John and I headed into camp, placing the case down on the table near Dutch's tent. He noticed us and immediately headed over, smoking a cigar. There was a padlock keeping the luggage secure and John pulled something out of his pocket, using it to try and jimmy it open.

“What's this?” Dutch asked when he reached us.

“The new girl's first job,” John explained. “We saw this nasty piece of work slapping her kid around in the middle of the station, thought we'd take the opportunity to get some new clothes for her.”

John got the lock open and revealed what was inside the case. Laying on top was one of those big fancy hats, he moved it out of the way and there was a high end dress to match underneath it. When he moved that, I was relieved to see some more every day clothes below. I reached in and pulled out a plain, peach coloured skirt; it felt pretty high quality and there was a fair amount of fabric in it, which would come in useful when riding horseback. I draped it over my arm and pulled out a cotton blouse with fine lace running down either side of the buttons down the centre. It was far prettier than anything I'd owned before but it wasn't too elaborate that I'd feel silly wearing it.

“We can sell some of this,” Dutch said, lifting up the hat. “Should be worth something.”

“There's jewellery too,” I told him, pulling out a little drawstring bag that felt heavy. I handed it to him and he grinned.

“Very nice. You did good. What was your method of acquiring this?” He asked.

“I distracted her, posing as a servant girl looking for work, and John picked it up and walked off with it, just like that,” I explained excitably.

“Well done, you two! My dear, you have what you'd like from in here and leave the rest by my tent. You might as well keep the case, too,” he patted the top of my arm and gave me an appreciative nod before turning on his heel.

“I’d call that a job well done,” John grinned at me, and I mirrored his expression. “Nice to see you're pleased, too, I think this is the first time I've seen you smile.”

“It's been fun! Exciting. Thank you, John.”

“And thank you,” he held his hand out to me and I shook it firmly.

Karen was behind us, watching the whole thing with an unreadable expression. I smiled at her and she smiled back, turning away, concentrating on her guard duties.

John handed me the things I'd bought from his satchel. “I'm gonna go put Arthur's letter in his tent, leave you to it. Good work today, I hope we can bring you in on more jobs, if you like.”

“Yeah, I'd like that.”

He nodded, tipping his hat before heading off.

I finished going through the case and decided to keep a few things; a couple of skirts and blouses, some bloomers and camisoles, a chemise, two jackets, one of which would be warm enough in cold weather. I had a decent wardrobe coming along and I neatly packed it all into the case with my new pants. I'd acquired a small leather satchel, too, that'd come in handy.

There was quite a haul of decent stuff I wasn't keeping, lots of elaborate clothing and jewellery, as well as some shoes that looked brand new but were far too impractical for me to consider keeping. I was lucky in the sense that my kidnappers had at least left my boots on my feet, anyway. I left all of the stuff near Dutch's tent like he'd asked me to, and then headed off to change into my new clothes.

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #fanfiction #john marston #dutch van der linde #karen jones #ATINK #rdr2 fanfic #arthur morgan fanfic #arthur morgan x female reader

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swiftpng · 4 years

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❥ — get to know me task.

“I wanna be defined by the things that I love. Not the things I hate, not the things I'm afraid of, the things that haunt me in the middle of the night. I just think that you are what you love.”

tw: mentions of cancer, food, sexual assault.

does your celebrity have any nicknames? She does indeed have a few nicknames. Her brother calls her Teffy, but her friends call her anything from T, Tay, T Swift, T Swizzle, or Tay Tay. Though, she’ll admit she thinks Tay Tay makes her feel like she’s twelve years old. A select few will call her a snake, but Taylor wears that nickname like it’s a badge of honor.

is there a certain smell that takes your celebrity back to their childhood, really remind them of ‘back home’? The smell of fresh snow on the ground always brings back nostalgic memories for Taylor, because it reminds her of when she was a little girl. Her favorite days were when school was called off and she would play around on her family’s Christmas tree farm with her brother, playing make believe.

what would you say is your celebrity’s most prominent physical feature? Definitely her cheekbones. She has very defined cheekbones that are noticeable when she’s smiling. But… she also has very long legs that she loves to show off. She used to hate being so lanky and tall, and just wanted to blend in but now she’s more than happy to slip on a pair of high heels and show off her toned legs that she worked so hard for.

would you say that your celebrity leads with their heart or their head? do their emotions get the best of them, or are they controlled? A mix of both, definitely. From a career/business perspective, she leads with her head with every decision that she makes. Taylor holds a lot of determination. She always finishes whatever she sets her mind to. There’s no stopping her, no matter what it comes to. Before she got signed, she performed at open mic nights and various community talent shows almost every weekend. It’s how she actually got discovered by her former label, Big Red Machine. And even before that, she got signed by another label, RCA, when she was a pre-teen but decided to risk everything and walk away because she knew she wasn’t going to be happy there if she stayed. Whenever an A&R guy would tell her his opinion, she would stand her ground and do what she wanted to do. There’s been times when her heart gets the best of her and she winds up doing something spontaneous like writing a letter to Apple about paying artists fairly. And her heart is definitely what leads her in love and relationships. It doesn’t take much for Taylor to get attached to people. Although she has been more careful about wearing her heart on her sleeve these days, she still does get attached way too easily. She gets invested in her friends’ emotions, treats fans like family, and worries about individuals day in and day out even if they aren’t thinking of her. She tries to get to know someone before jumping into a relationship with them, but sometimes her heart gets in the way and she jumps in without looking. Most of the time she has her emotions on lock because she knows there’s nothing worse than a screaming match about who can scream the loudest, so she tries to speak in a neutral tone when she’s in an argument. When she was younger, she used to play dangerously along the lines of gaslighting herself because she didn’t know if what she was feeling was valid or not. She used to have a tendency to forget that she's allowed to express how she feels. She had tried one-too-many times to suppress any sadness or anger. She could never remember that it is okay to feel how she feels and focus on her issues. She used to blindly disregard herself, but after everything that’s happened in her life she needed to learn and program it in her brain that she is valid. Taylor is someone who freezes when she’s feeling something that makes her uncomfortable, and then a few minutes later she knows how she feels. In the moment, though, she has a whole conversation with herself on whether she’s overreacting or if she’s perfectly valid for feeling the way she does. Before, she would either say the exact thing on her mind, or she would stay silent and then go over what she wanted to say when she had the chance at a later time. As she’s gotten older, she’s been able to say how she feels in a way that doesn’t feel combative or like she’s trying to start something unnecessary. Now, she’s very straightforward. If she feels a certain way, she lets it be known, regardless of the consequences that might arise from it. This is in every aspect of her life, not just petty things. If she’s interested in someone romantically, she’ll make it obvious without any regrets or reservations. Plus, when she’s feeling something intense like heartbreak or happiness, she writes about it in a poem, a song, or her journal. She gets through everything by writing about her feelings, and it helps her process them by doing that.

is there anything special or unique about any of your celebrity’s names? were they named after anyone? did the name have specific inspiration? Taylor Alison Swift is a pretty simple name, but it holds a lot of meaning. Taylor, her first name, comes from the legendary James Taylor. Her parents raised her on his music, so it’s cool to her that she’s named after someone who shaped her artistry. And getting to perform with him a couple of times means a lot to her. Taylor gets her middle name from her aunt Alison, and lastly, her last name is Swift. A name she got from her dad, of course.

what makes your celebrity feel insecure? Award shows or performing in front of people who will judge her for her live performances. While she knows she’s not the best vocalist in the industry and has not sought out to be the best singer of all time, she still wants to give her all when she’s performing and will overthink all of her performances before, during, and after them. She’s her own biggest critic and knows that she can improve with each performance that she does. Whenever she hears herself miss a note or forget the lyrics, she’ll tear herself apart and will obsess over it. She’ll put on a mask and give thanks whenever someone says she did fine, but deep down she’ll think about it until her next performance.

does your celebrity have any tattoos or piercings? Tattoos, no. When she was a teenager she really wanted to get a small heart tattooed on her foot, but her dad influenced her against it. She’s happy she listened to her dad. Piercings, yes. She has her two earlobes pierced, but she doesn’t have anything else on her body pierced. Even though she has no tattoos and minimal piercings, she thinks they’re extremely cool and an awesome way for self expression.

got any pets? if your celebrity has pets, tell a little bit about them; if not, what kind of pet would they like to have, or why don’t they have any? She does have pets! Three cats to be exact. While growing up, Taylor had her fair share of pets, and most of them were dogs. It wasn’t until she was in her early twenties that she got her first cat, Meredith, who is named after the iconic Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy. The second cat she has is Olivia Benson, who is named after Olivia Benson from Law & Order: SVU. Those two are both Scottish fold cats. The most recent cat that Taylor adopted is Benjamin Button, named after the F. Scott Fitzgerald short story. Benji is the one she fell in love with at first sight after meeting him during her Me! shoot. Meredith is a bit snooty and has an attitude, but when she likes you she’ll let you pet her and cuddle her for as long as she lets you. Olivia just wants you to love her, while Benji doesn’t care as long as he has your attention. Meredith is coordinated and sophisticated but loves you fiercely when she decides to. Olivia walks into walls, drools, and flops around, but is ready to love you at first sight. Benji is a mix between the two. He loves to have his own space, but he also loves to be held like a baby and treated like a king.

what does it take for someone to be ‘unlikable’ to your celebrity? what’s the final straw that makes them give up on someone? For Taylor, she judges people mostly on their moral code. The people she wants in her life are people who have and regularly exercise loyalty, empathy, understanding, honesty, trust, and open communication. If you betray your friend, talk about them badly when they’re not around, degrade them for any reason, or talk down to them, she has no interest in keeping you in her life. She’s been known to give second chances to people who never deserved them, and it bit her in the ass. She can’t stand when people use or take advantage of their so called friends. If you’re in her life, it means you both have a mutual respect of one another.

how would you describe your celebrity’s sense of style? Taylor has always been a person who loves to experiment with fashion. For her, it’s a form of self expression and she loves to represent herself through it. Her style isn't limited to one thing, it’s actually pretty much all over the place. Some days she'll wear pastel colors or all black, or a mix of color. It really just depends on how she feels during the day. In addition to that, she loves to go through phases. She went from cowboy boots to Oxfords to high heels. She went through the phase of loving vintage dresses to the phase of loving crop tops. She may not always top the best dressed lists every week, but she loves to wear what she thinks is cute and fun and shows her style. When it comes to performing, she likes to wear outfits that are easy to perform in. Taylor's stage outfits are generally very short and shiny, so it's easy to dance in. There’s some skin showing, but not too much. Over the years, her main collaborators for stage outfits have been designer Jessica Jones, along with her main stylist Joseph Cassell.

what is the most positive and supportive relationship that your celebrity has in their life? Her mom. Taylor’s mother is her best friend, and she tells her everything. They talk every day and see each other almost every day. Taylor’s mom has seen and heard it all, whether it’d be about a break up, a career setback, or just how her day is going, she knows it all. Taylor’s mom is like her personal therapist, and she’d be lost without her. Her mom is her everything. A few years ago, her mom was diagnosed with cancer. Taylor was ready to give everything up and stay with her mom. In fact, she insisted, but her mom’s insistence that she go chase her dreams and tour around the world was stronger. She is scared that something will go terribly wrong, and suddenly the cancer will multiply a lot faster and take over her mom’s body, while she’s somewhere else in the world. Taylor’s priorities have changed a lot through the years, which is why she’s been spending more time with her family rather than doing year long tours. She wants to take advantage of all the time she has with her mom while she’s able to. She’s just so grateful for her support and knows that not everyone has a strong bond to their mom like she has with hers.

how does your celebrity see themselves vs. how others see them? When Taylor looks into the mirror or thinks about how she sees herself, she sees a woman doing what she loves. A woman who is happiest when she’s on stage. A woman who is most at peace when she’s writing, and most alive when she’s performing. A woman who’d do anything for her fans, and still can’t believe she has fans. A woman who wants to change the world. A small town girl who wants to inspire at least one person who’s struggling, because if she can make it this far, so can they. She thinks of herself as someone who holds onto hope. Even when she’s unhappy, she does all she can to prevent others around her to feel the same. She’s an open optimist but a closeted cynic. She doesn’t always know what she wants but she knows what she needs. She’s a woman who sees the beauty in all of the little things. She loves to love, and she has a lot of it to give away. She appreciates all the little favors and remembers every single polite thing someone has ever done for her. She forgives (most of the time) but never forgets; a strong believer in a moral code. She’s filled with affection and passion. She does her best to be as impartial as possible, just wanting the best for everyone no matter the cost. She puts others first, and forgets that she too could use the help of others. She’s the calm after the storm or the storm herself. She has the potential to be so much more than she sees, but she’s clouded by her own insecurities, and doesn’t know how to get rid of them. She’s very aware of how others see her. They may paint her out to be a manipulator, a liar, and a bitch but she knows how the people she loves see her. She knows that she’s not the conniving woman that most people think she is, and hopes that people can see who she truly is. She’s someone who loves with all of her heart and is fiercely loyal to her friends and family. While others may see her as someone who loves feuds and drama, Taylor thinks of herself as just someone who stands her ground and doesn’t take shit from anyone. Love her or hate her, you can’t deny that she’s a lover and someone who feels with everything in her. Mostly, she wants to be thought of as being a kind person, someone who is trying to see the best in other people. She wants people to know she is really trying in everything and anything she does, and she wants to be a bright and glowing presence in someone’s life.

did your celebrity have a conventional upbringing and family life, or live life outside the box? Growing up, she had a very conventional life. She was born and raised in a small town in Pennsylvania, and she had a pleasant childhood there. It was a nice upbringing, and she wouldn't change it for the world. Her dad was a stockbroker while her mom stayed at home, and Taylor’s parents never had to worry about any financial issues. Once Taylor realized her dreams of being a singer-songwriter, her entire family packed up and moved to Tennessee. Even though she’s now spent most of her life away from Pennsylvania, she considers it her home state.

education; how far did your celebrity go with it, and did it help them land where they are in life right now? She has an education all the way up to a high school diploma. She actually didn’t go to her graduation ceremony as she had an award show that night, so she had her diploma mailed to her. She’s been fortunate enough that she didn’t need to go to university since she started her career as a teen. Still, she sometimes wonders what it’d be like to go back to school and get a degree in something.

is your celebrity a planner, or into spontaneity? When it comes to her career and business ventures, she definitely plans everything and thinks about everything. Now, being able to own any new music that she makes, she feels like she’s able to record and release songs whenever she wants to. In her personal life, she loves spontaneous plans. Calling up a friend and just driving all night long or flying to a different country for a day and exploring it always sounds like a good time to Taylor.

introvert or extrovert? how has that hurt or helped them on their current life path? Extrovert all the way. Put her in a room with someone and she can guarantee you that she’ll be able to find a way to connect with them. She gets it from her dad since he’s a talker, too. Taylor’s never one to shy away from introducing herself to people and she loves meeting new people. It’s definitely helped her career because she’s been able to make herself relatable to her fans and build a connection with them. Her social skills have helped her make good (and sometimes bad) connections in the industry.

what is your celebrity’s outlook on love? do they believe in soulmates? love at first sight? monogamy? Taylor has way too many thoughts on love as a hopeless romantic, but she thinks it’s a terrifying risk that is completely worth it. And that stands true regardless of what kind of love it is. For her, love is one of the greatest, if not the greatest, things in this world. There’s nothing like love – the pure joy, happiness, just complete elation. Being on cloud nine is the best feeling in the world. And yes, love also has its down sides and they’re some of the hardest downs. When you crash and burn from love, it really hurts. It’s the most agonizing heart-wrenching pain, but the fact that you can feel that type of emotion is something so special, too. The fact that you cared so deeply about someone and someone cared that deeply about you is really special. Love is a very sacred thing to Taylor and one of her biggest wishes is that everyone in this world experiences it at least once. Because even when it sucks, love is such a beautiful thing and worth having and fighting for. Now when she thinks about romantic love, the first few words that come to mind are: golden, pure, respect, adoration, connection, empathy, light, indescribable. Love is the ultimate beauty in all its best forms, and romantic love is no exception. There is the first glance feeling, the breathlessness of state change. You think you’re fine by yourself and then they come and ruin everything. There is fear and worry but the instant you’re with the person you love? You let go (of your fears and your ghosts). It’s a breath of fresh air you didn’t know you needed. It’s like the feeling of rediscovering all of your favorite songs, again and again and again. It’s being enchanted at the first meeting and being enchanted forevermore. It’s not that your life will become a fairytale because it won’t. You’ll both have days when the world is dark and your minds are cruel and your soul aches. You’ll both make mistakes. You’ll both be human. But the feeling of golden warmth in your heart that you thought would fade away stays and makes itself at home. And they stay. And they love you, too, because they’re here for every part of you just as you are for every part of them. And it’s easier than you ever dreamt possible and it’s lighter than air and you’ll never know how you got so damn lucky. It’s golden, it’s pure, it’s respect, it’s adoration, it’s light, it’s indescribable. It’s love. That’s what love is to Taylor. Maybe it's because she reads too many romantic books and watches too many rom-coms, but that's what she fantasizes about. Does she believe in soulmates? To an extent, yes. She thinks that two people could be connected so deeply that no one else in the world could understand their bond like they do. It’s a cool concept to think telepathy is real and it exists between soulmates, platonic or otherwise. She thinks it’s fun to believe in things like fate and soulmates and all of those things that are guided by some invisible force greater than we as humans. She believes in love at first sight, but knows that that kind of love is most likely disguised as infatuation that slowly turns into love. Love requires a mutual, deep intimacy and understanding amongst all parties. It’s complex, and doesn’t just happen within a first sight.

who would your celebrity give their life for? Her family, for sure. The love they give her is unconditional and the moments she shares with them are always in her heart. Whether she’s laughing, crying, or whatever it may be, they’re what keeps her together. Her friends are also people she would give her life for. They’re another source of what keeps her together. Her friends back home (the ones she managed to keep over the years) and the ones she’s met through the industry are what made her days brighter despite the dark clouds that loomed over her head during a dark period in her life. She’s thankful for them every single day and for the new friends she hopes to make. When she went through the #taylorswiftisoverparty in 2016, she had a phase where she was extremely upset and kept thinking she didn’t have any friends left. But she was so wrong. She’d never been more wrong about anything. Selena, Blake, Ryan, along with the friends she’s made here in Bayview like Delta, Melissa, and Daisy have become more than friends and more like her family. It’s those people she’d do anything for and she knows are also there for her no matter what.

when it comes to forgive and forget, how fast is your celebrity to do either of those things? one over the other? or hold grudges forever? Over the years, she’s learned that you don’t have to forget and you don’t have to forgive to move on from something. You can move on from a situation without any of those things happening. She usually lets things go, but it’s always going to be there in the back of her mind as a reminder of what they’ve done to her. As for holding a grudge, it depends on the severity of the wrongdoing, most of the time she’s just relieved that the person revealed their true colors so she can go on without their negative presence in her life. The media has been known to spin a feud of hers into something of a spectacle, and paints her as someone who overreacts and doesn’t leave things be. In reality, it’s mostly the other party who can’t keep her name out of their mouth and she just lives her life peacefully. But if she has to defend herself then she will.

any certain spot in bayview that your celebrity goes to when they need to clear their mind, cheer themselves up, just get into a better mood? Bookends, definitely. Just being surrounded by books is an oasis for Taylor. Whenever she needs time to herself or needs to brighten up her day, she’ll pop over to the little bookstore, grab a bite to eat, and sit in one of the chairs with an old book in her hand. She frequents the place so much that she’s on a first name basis with all of the staff and they all know her order by heart. It’s one of her favorite little corners of Bayview.

who is your celebrity’s role model or hero? is there any specific reason for that, or are they just someone they look up to? Ethel Kennedy. She inspires Taylor to embrace the unpredictable side of life, to find delight in every new experience. Ethel herself has taught Taylor that to really live, you have to jump in, you have to take chances. You have to embrace the unpredictability of life instead of fearing it. Meeting Ethel herself was really one of the rare times Taylor has been starstruck, and getting to spend some time with her has been one of the biggest highlights of her life.

does your celebrity have any secrets? anything that they would absolutely hate for anyone to find out about them? Hm, Taylor would say there’s a lot that people don’t know about her, naturally, because she can’t talk to everyone that knows her name. However, a secret of hers would be that maybe that she’s not as put-together as she comes off. She’s noticed that a lot of people approach her with the assumption that she’s a well-rounded, deeply intellectual person with some strong grasp on the path of her life when she’s just another person trying to figure things out like anyone else. A bit boring, but true! But… we all have our demons, don’t we? Things that weigh us down, despite the optimism we may have. And one of her fears that she doesn’t want anyone to know is that she’s scared that she is going to end up all alone someday. Whether it’s romantically or platonically, Taylor is scared that she’ll never be good enough, or really that people will realize that she isn’t good enough and just leave her. She’s had it happen before, and she’s scared that all the noise in her life will make them leave one way or another.

it’s a gala night and your celebrity has to dress up; are they way into it, or counting down the hours until they can put sweats back on? Taylor definitely loves to dress up for a night and get all glammed up, but she’ll pack an extra pair of shoes so she doesn’t have to worry about her feet hurting all night. There are times where she has to force herself to get the motivation to sit in a makeup chair and get ready, but she usually thinks it’s all worth it once the night is over.

when it comes to your celebrity’s love life, how do they feel about it? are they happy? Taylor’s notorious for loving love. It’s her brand, quite literally. If I could give an example of how Taylor feels about her love life, it would be equivalent to how Jenny Slate explains in her book when she says, “I am a lovely woman. Who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?” because Taylor wants love so much that she doesn’t know what to do with herself sometimes and she feels like it might not be in the cards for her. I always picture Taylor being like Lara Jean from the TATBILB series because she’s always been the girl who daydreams about finding ‘the one’, and what true love might really be. She feels too much and sometimes thinks that’s her vice. Despite all of this, though, she’s really, really happy with her love life. She has her friends, and finds romance in that. She loves her independence and isn’t going to sacrifice it for just anyone. If she does fall in love, the most important thing is that who ever she falls for has a special kind of connection with her. She wants to feel a spark, but creating a fire takes some time so she’ll wait. She has some patience. And honestly, it’s easy for her to fall for someone -- she can fall in love with anything. She falls in love with the way the sun shines into her room every morning, she falls in love with the flowers in the yard, the smell of fresh rain… she falls in love with the sound of people’s voices, their faces, their interests, just everything. Whoever she falls for has to put up with her just loving… everything. She’s probably in love with at least one quality about everyone. Taylor’s a lot to put up with, she loves easily and she falls harder. She can be intense, like, she’s never been that deep in love with someone, but she knows she can be. She trusts too easily and she ends up getting hurt a lot of the time. She just wants someone who’s in love with her mind, her goals, her ideas… she wants them to see her in their dreams like she would see them. She’s very, very happy with her love life, but God, does she want to know what being in an actual serious, committed relationship is like.

if your celebrity had to leave the house in a rush, what three things would they grab on their way out? (people and pets excluded!) Taylor doesn’t need much when she leaves the house. She carries around a handbag, which holds just about everything she needs for the day or even for the ten minutes to two hours she’s away from her house. She can’t leave without at least these three items in her bag, and it’s really the necessities that she tosses in there. The first thing in her bag is her Iphone and portable charger. Her phone holds everything. It’s not really in her bag as it’s more in the palm of her hand instead. She tends to waste a lot of her battery very quickly, so just in case she must charge her phone, she has her handy dandy charger at her disposal. She needs her journal and a few pens because unless her phone is unavailable to use to make a note of something or write down whatever muse she’s feeling, she has her handy dandy pen and paper to depend on when she needs it most. Lastly, she always holds on to a picture of her family. Somewhere in her bag she’d have a picture of her, her parents and her brother. She wouldn’t be where and who she is without her family’s love and support, and at the end of the day she loves them more than anything and is always thankful for their strong presence in her life. She likes to be reminded of who she is and where she came from because staying true to herself, although hard, is her number one goal.

does your celebrity have any bad habits or quirks that they just can’t kick, no matter how hard they try? Not taking care of herself would be the biggest bad habit she has had. It's hard for Taylor to accept that sometimes, she needs help. She truly is independent to a fault. She is used to taking care of others and helping them that she sometimes forgets about herself. She hates feeling like a burden to someone else and takes being independent to a whole other level. Over the years, she's learned to stay off of social media when she's in a bad mood and she's learned to only value the opinions of people she cares about. She's never been to therapy, and knows she probably should, but feels as if she doesn't need to because she has her mom to talk to. Ways she takes care of herself when she's feeling down would be lighting a new candle, reading some poetry, watching a TED Talk, or painting with her watercolors. Eating what she wants when she wants is also something she's learned to do, too. She used to use food as a coping mechanism. Whenever she felt like she didn't have control in her life, she would deprive herself of basic meals so could could feel some control. These days she's been better at eating what she wants without feeling guilty and has learned to have a healthy relationship with food.

what are your celebrity’s thoughts on kids? do they want any in the future, if they don’t already have any? want more, if they do? When Taylor was younger, she used to dream of having that fantasy of a white picket fence with a family. Over the years, it’s changed a little bit. Whenever she thinks about bringing a child into this world, she worries about their privacy and how they would survive with people watching their every move. She can’t imagine having paparazzi following them around, trying to get a glimpse of them. She wants kids, for sure, but doesn’t want them to face unfair scrutiny or having cameras in their faces 24/7 just because one of their parents is “famous”.

does your celebrity have a favorite room in their home? Probably her room because it’s the only place in the world where she can be comfortable. She loves spending her days in her room just watching TV and lounging around with her cats. If she’s decided to spend time in her room, she probably has ordered some type of comfort food like Chinese or pizza, put on a face mask with her hair tied up, done some online shopping, taken a nap or just lied down, listened to some vinyls – just anything that lets her breathe and relax.

it’s a free day. completely, from morning until bed time – what would your celebrity like to spend it doing? Her perfect day would be spent with her family. She would have invited her family over to her house, letting them spend the night. In the morning, she would make them breakfast. She’d have them tour the town, and would take her mom antique shopping for a bit while her dad and brother have their own bonding time. They’d get lunch by the ocean, and then she would drive them around each neighborhood in Bayview. By dinner time, they would go out to eat somewhere in the Downtown area and then walk around the park. At the end of the day, they would go back to her house and watch a movie or play a game before they all retired to bed for the night. That sounds like a perfect day to Taylor.

to this day, what has been the hardest thing for your celebrity to come up against or overcome, whether personally or professionally? In the past thirty years Taylor has been through a lot, from a career point of view and a personal one. In her personal life, having to go to court in 2017 to face the man who sexually assaulted her was one of the hardest things Taylor has done. It was tough for her to do, and even though she spent many sleepless nights during that week, it was all worth getting the justice she deserved. From people mocking her about her body to not believing her side of the story, Taylor will never forget those who supported her during that whole ordeal. She's happy that more and more people are able to come forward with their stories despite the backlash they might get, and will always believe someone's story because she knows how hard it is to do. We all probably know what Taylor's hardest career obstacle was... the disaster of the 2016 Kimye incident. That whole year, especially that summer, was an emotional rollercoaster for Taylor and she learned so much from that experience. She was so, so scared that she wouldn't be able to make art anymore and that the 1989 era would be her last. Luckily, her fans stuck around and have always had her back. To Taylor, her fans are so important. They are the reason she's still making music to this day and the reason why she gets to present her songs to the world. As someone who has only ever dreamt of being able to share her art with others, the people who have really made it possible are the people who truly support her for it. Taylor's “fans” are more like friends, and friends to her are like family. They are people who’ve supported her for what she loves doing most and she can’t thank them enough for it.

ten years ago, did your celebrity ever think that they would be where they are now? are they happy with that spot in life? what do they hope to achieve yet in the future? At the beginning of the decade, Taylor was coming out of her teens and coming in to her twenties. If you told her that she would’ve released five albums, gone on four tours, won Album of the Year at the Grammys twice, moved to New York City, lose her curls and cut her hair short, been in more relationships that one hand couldn’t count, gotten a few cats, gone through one of the most humiliating things publicly, gone to court, and moved to Bayview all in the span of ten years, she would’ve laughed in your face. Despite all that has happened to her, she would take none of it back and is very happy with where she is in life. Taylor loves her life. Sure, there could be changes but other than that there’s nothing else she would want. She’s happy with the morals she grew up with, and happy with the people who’ve been kind to her and all of the lessons she’d learned over the years. The move to Bayview is a memory she wouldn’t trade for the world. She’s had the chance to travel and meet new people on the other side of the world. The chance to come to Bayview is a milestone in her life she would never trade. Sure, she still has issues with being away from her family, but by far it’s been one of the most amazing experiences in her life. If she didn't move to town, she wouldn’t have people she could connect to, she wouldn’t have met or befriended most of the people who lived here, and she wouldn’t know how to step out of her comfort zone and do things she never knew she needed to do. Bayview changed all of that. In the future, Taylor hopes to still be making albums, hopefully gaining back all of her masters or at least be done with re-recording all of her older albums. Maybe she’ll fall in love and raise a family of her own. Maybe she’ll write a novel about her life. Maybe she won’t be in Bayview still or maybe this is town is her forever home. The most important thing that matters to Taylor is being happy with whatever she’s doing, whoever she’s with and with herself. Because who knows what the future holds, y'know? Nothing else really matters as long as you love your life.

#( ❛ ░ ▌it’s my life so truth be told // tasks.#bviewtask #bview2019dec #wooo!!! done finally!!#also i didnt know she prerecorded her scd performance so we can say that she was still in nyc after the jingle bell ball

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thatvirdiguy · 6 years

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EVENT BATTLE 2017: DC’s DARK NIGHTS: METAL vs MARVEL’s SECRET EMPIRE

I know I said that this would be an annual thing, and I’ll try to keep this on schedule, and I’ll try to post these on time, and I know I’m posting the one for 2017 as 2018 comes to an end… but writing this took a backseat as I had to finish some projects and write a thesis. C'est la vie, as the French say.

Welcome to EVENT BATTLE 2017, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for sticking around.

Last time we had what I called a Triple Threat Match: DC vs Marvel vs Valiant. While I was hoping this would be a trend going forward, Valiant Comics took a break from publishing big summer crossover events this year. They’ll be back for the 2018 edition of Event Battle, though. (Side note: I absolutely adore Valiant’s quality over quantity strategy, and I hope it continues despite the recent setbacks.)

So, back to the heavyweights, then?

2017 saw DC Comics handing over their universe to the most successful team off their New 52 experiment, Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo (of the Batman fame), in the form of METAL, or Dark Nights: Metal. While Metal is indeed a continuation of Snyder and Capullo’s run on Batman, it does build itself up on the shoulders of giants. Peter Milligan and Kieron Dwyer’s “Dark Knight, Dark City” being one, Grant Morrison’s seminal run on Batman, Final Crisis, his The Multiversity stuff, and pretty much the entirety of his DC output is some of the few important stories from the past that the creators wove into theirs. However, although Metal leans on and borrows from a lot of stories (like most modern superhero stories do), it does not make them a required reading. You will easily find your way if you have never read “Dark Knight, Dark City” (you should, though) and don’t know who or what Barbathos is. Metal is that accessible to new readers. If you are a long-time reader and know your comics, however, it is oddly satisfying when you catch a reference.

Like I mentioned earlier, Metal brings back Barbathos, the bat daemon occultists in 1776 (including the third President of the United States of America!) tried summoning with their “Ceremony of the Bat”. Bruce Wayne, because of his connection to both the Wayne family and, well, I guess, bats in general, is revealed to be the host for Barbathos’ return. To act as the portal/host for the daemon, Wayne needs to be exposed to five divine metals. It is revealed later that Batman already has been exposed to most of them in previous storylines (Electrum in “Court of Owls”, Dionesium in “Endgame”, Promethium in “Superheavy”, Nth Metal in the prologue of the event with Dark Nights: Casting and Dark Nights: Forge , and finally, Batmanium during the course of this story). The daemon, of course, has evil intentions. It is bringing with itself the “dark multiverse”. It literally wants to sink the Earth and flip the scales.

Oh, and also, it is bringing with itself the twisted versions of Batman… who kinda do look awfully similar to Dark Judges from Judge Dredd?

As you can imagine, much of the story then follows Batman and the Justice League’s attempt at stopping Barbathos and his horde of mercenaries. Metal is filled to the brim with ridiculously absurd and deliciously fun moments throughout. While I did stick with my rule of not reading the tie-ins for events, I did read those that Snyder co-wrote, and they work quite well with the main story. They offer details to the story as you would expect from a tie-in but if you do choose to follow the main book only, you would be good.

While bigger, louder, more ridiculous seems to Snyder’s modus operandi for every story after “Zero Year”, it just kinda works here. Rarely does the story pauses and the characters get a chance to breathe. Even the dialogues are written in such a way that they service the plot forward and not add any depth to the characters themselves. While this does seem to continue on his Justice League run, what I do appreciate here is how he managed to adapt and extend previous stories and add more layers to the cosmic side of the DC Universe, which I have always felt falls a bit short when compared to Marvel. Apart from Darkseid and the New Gods, there’s not much else to it, is there? (Cue fans telling me off in 3… 2… 1…)

Greg Capullo draws every issue of Metal, front to back. This in itself is unheard of for modern superhero crossover events, but that’s not all. The man knocks it out of the park throughout. From huge action splash pages to an eight panel page of a tightly choreographed fight scene, Capullo works his magic throughout. Joining him on the tie-ins are John Romita Jr., Andy Kubert, Jim Lee, Doug Mahnke, Yanick Paquette, Jorge Jiménez, Riley Rossmo, Howard Porter, Bryan Hitch, Mikel Janín, and a host of talented inkers and colourists. While on some scenes in the tie-ins, the transitions between the artists is not subtle and it feels a bit off, the books are a sight to behold. If Jorge Jiménez’s work on Superman, Super-Sons, etc. didn’t inform you, the guy is a superstar.

Marvel, on the other hand, had a rough year. I’m talking about the comic book side of the business, of course. They seem to be doing just fine everywhere else.

SECRET EMPIRE is the continuation of Nick Spencer’s Captain America run, specifically his ‘Hydra Cap’ storyline. You know, the one that caused so much outrage. I wasn’t following his run then, but reading this event now, I learnt that (spoiler alert:) that man is that controversial panel actually is Steve Rogers. While the story very firmly establishes that it is not an LMD, not a clone, not a shape-shifter, etc., that man is still not our Captain America. Something is a bit off – specifically, Rogers gets his history rewritten by a sentient cosmic cube – and this leads to an interesting “What If?” storyline, almost.

Yes, Captain America is a Hydra agent. The bad guys have won. America is under Nazi rule (Which, is not that different from the current state of things, is it?). Spencer’s plays with this idea throughout the story, drawing parallels between the two. For example, the persecution of the Inhumans in the make-believe world is drawn from the persecution of the Jews in the real, and so on. While the story is not that epic in scale as Metal perhaps is, it does work as a summer blockbuster crossover event story regardless. Spencer also smartly limits the active cast. New York is put under a blackout, so half the Marvel superheroes are off the table and a shield around Earth has locked out heavy-hitters like Captain Marvel and such. This makes it easier to follow the action. Not that I doubt Spencer’s ability to write a large cast (he does exactly that so expertly here) or that I doubt the reader’s ability to read a book with a large cast. A smaller cast works here, because unlike Metal, for example, this is not a story about the heroes trying to stop the bad guys from winning. They have won already. It is up to a handful of rebels to overthrow the regime Reich.

The first and the last issue of the story is drawn by Steve McNiven, and rest of the work is divided among Rod Reis, Daniel Acuña, Andrea Sorrentino, Joshua Cassara, Leinil Francis Yu, Sean Izaakse, Joe Bennett, Ron Lim, Paco Medina, …holy shit that’s a lot of artists. To their credit though, the editorial team does manage to avoid any art inconsistencies. The story follows the one artist per issue rule to the dot, or a specific artist(s) sticks with a particular plotline. Steve McNiven hyper-detailed art sets up the mood perfectly in the beginning and that exposition is perfect for the end. Andrea Sorrentino, I think, handles a major portion of the book. His panel structure and innovative use of the borders and the gutters is fantastic.

THE VERDICT

To be honest, this was the hardest it has been in quite some time to pick one of the two. Usually, I like one book over the other a lot. Infinity over Forever Evil, Original Sin over Futures End, Secret Wars over Convergence, Rebirth over Civil War II and 4001 A.D. This year, I thought both worked quite well in their own regard. Neither of them is perfect by any means. There are some gaping holes in the plot of both stories. Dream appearing in Metal to add a convenient layer of exposition to an ‘oh my god, how are they ever going to do it?’ plot, The Punisher and Thor kinda turning Nazis with little to no conviction in Secret Empire, and so on. Nonetheless, I had a good time reading them, and that’s all that matters on some days.

While both Metal and Secret Empire had some lasting impact in their respective universe, most of what was caused by Secret Empire has been hushed over. This is partially, I think, because of all the (unnecessary) outrage it caused. Metal, on the other hand, boosted sales, launched new series, spun new tales. I had so much fun reading that book. And oh, how could I ever forget baby Darkseid doing the devil’s horns?

#marvel #DC comics #event battle #metal #dark nights metal #secret empire #hydra cap #baby darkseid #scott snyder #Greg Capullo #nick spencer #steve mcniven #andrea sorrentino #rod reis #dark knight dark city #grant morrison #peter milligan

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empowermentstrategies · 6 years

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Hit or Fold?

"Growth is painful. Change is painful. But, nothing is as painful as staying stuck where you do not belong." -- N. R. Narayana Murthy

Sometimes working on a personal project ends up, at some point, feeling like a real slog through the mud. What started as a seemingly great idea is now causing you to wonder whether you were crazy to have ever taken up the banner. You start to wonder whether you should give up and can it. This can be a hard decision, though, because what about all that time and effort you’ve already sunk into your project? No one enjoys feeling like time and energy has been wasted! You also have to confront how you’ll judge yourself if you walk away—will that mean you’re a loser/a failure/a (fill-in-the-blank)? It may be tougher to ignore this question if your project is visible to others, because then you end up thinking about how others might judge you as well. Is it better and more noble to keep throwing good resources into a mysterious hole in hopes that things will work out eventually than is is to quit too early, and maybe never be sure you did? Making good decisions about what to do in this situation requires multiple dimensions of consideration. Your deliberations need not take long, but if you don’t cover these bases, you may be left with nagging uncertainty and an unnecessary hit to your confidence. Here are the areas that I recommend you explore before making your final decision:

Physical. Are you guilty of ignoring your own basic human needs (sleep, nutrition, exercise/movement)? If so, you may need to rely on answers within the other areas to make your decision, because ignoring your body over time will make everything feel like a slog! It’s fairly trendy in some circles to claim that only weaklings need these things, and “real men,” “warriors,” “entrepreneurs,” or whoever, can power through without without all those silly indulgences the peons distract themselves with. I’m sorry to break it to you, but this is an old-fashioned myth left over from less educated times! We now know that without these things, the body, and the brain that resides within as an inextricable part of it, falters, struggles, and ages far more quickly than necessary. You can use your precious energy to rail against the fact that you can only experience life on planet Earth in a body that has limitations, OR you can learn to choose the simple decisions that allow you the joy and fulfillment of functioning at peak capacity. Like adequate sleep and healthy food. Which would you rather?

Mental. Our culture is very focused on logic, so this area should be familiar to you. Logic is, of course, an amazing tool for assessing where you are, extrapolating where you're headed based on this, and figuring out how you might want to change course. If you're not great at thinking through things logically and analyzing your situation, find someone with more skill in and enthusiasm for this area who can help you do this. If you think things are taking way too long, or you just don't have what it takes to reach your goal realistically, you may be right that there's something you're missing. That may not mean you can't fix it, but isolating the problem, where it lives, and how to address it may take some digging. Access to the super-computing power of the mind is one of the benefits of being human, so let's not leave its powers on the table in our decision making!

Creative. Once you've figured out what the problem seems to be, you need to get out of pure logic and turn on your natural, playful creativity. This can be tough when you're stressed out, so you may need some help here too. You can search the Internet on the topic in question, find a book on how others have solved similar issues, or rope in a friend to troubleshoot how you might bust up your impasse and move forward more productively. The problem might even be that you just forgot to have fun and bring creativity to the daily work you've been doing on your project. That'll kill anyone's enthusiasm over time. Life is supposed to include elements of fun. If your project doesn't have any, you'll feel like something is wrong, when it's just that you need to loosen up a little to make it over the long haul.

Emotional. That brings us to the emotional side of things, another area where we may have been taught there's nothing important to learn and we should just sweep everything that comes up under the rug! But emotions exist for a reason, and they're an important tool in our toolbox, even if we're not yet sure how to wring the magic out of them. In order to trace the emotional connections to our projects, attention and the openness to decoding hidden meanings is required. Yes, you may have to devote some actual time and attention to this! You may feel like this is a self-indulgent idea, but that's likely because you've never been taught what to do to get helpful results out of such time with your emotions. Tapping/EFT is an incredibly productive tool in helping you to stay calm through the act of creating openness to the emotional realm, and in gaining clarity about what's really going on in your emotional states and why. That clarity doesn't necessarily arise immediately, but it tends to result after you've done some Tapping on exactly how you feel without filters or judgment. Sometimes this is all you and your project need. Once you've blown off some steam and allowed yourself to express what seems true, the clarity starts to arrive, and new perspectives on possible solutions often effortlessly appear. However, you may find that your emotions tell you some truths about what you really want that you've been unwilling to look at. This can help you make new decisions that will serve you better. Sometimes you might even decide to end the project as previously imagined. Sometimes you learn as you go that the realities of reaching your goal are not acceptable to you, not healthy for you, or just not something you're ready for at this time. Accepting this may be the best choice even if it doesn't seem entirely logical to you or others.

Spiritual. This is the hardest area to quantify, because spiritual experiences often defy explanation. We all have this part of us that is an "x" factor, explain it as you will. Sometimes, you just experience a strong knowingness that something is or isn't true for you, or right for you, or good for you despite how it looks on the surface. Often this part of you speaks in desires and joys that are unique to you. Again, if this isn't an area you feel comfortable with, you can consult others who live more easily in this space and see if anything they have to offer resonates with you. But without taking it into account in some way, you may be missing an important piece of the picture.

Sometimes, when you're hung up with a project, something has changed with circumstances, and you just need to recover from the shock and get more creative. Sometimes, you're tired and frustrated, and you need a break or to bring your sense of fun back into play. Sometimes, what has changed is you, and the truth is that you no longer really want to support the project at all.

Once you have a better sense of all this, the final challenge is accepting the good work you've done on the decision, and finding a way to let go of any worries about what it means about you, the world, and your future potential. This is another area in which Tapping can be a life saver. It can help you work through any resistance to doing what you think is best that arises because of your (or your perception of or anticipation of others') judgment or fears. You have a choice as far as what meaning to assign to the events of your life. When you forget that, you become a victim to every outside influence.

Making truly good decisions, ones you can look back on with satisfaction because you did the best you could with the knowledge that you had at the time, is a process best served by considering numerous areas of inquiry. When you've done this to the best of your abilities and used all the tools you have to make your peace with what you choose, you can get back to putting your energy toward what you really want, and working toward it with renewed resolve and patience. Life involves work, but if it feels like every moment of yours is tiresome, it's time to stop and consider whether new decisions are in order, or whether you're already on the best path and just dealing with the challenges of the journey.

#Decisions #Persistence #Goals #Energy

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chasholidays · 6 years

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Thanks for doing this again!! I'd love to read a Dancing with the Stars Bellarke AU if possible!!

The nice thing Clarke has found about Dancing with the Stars is that, as a general rule, the less she likes her celebrity partner, the sooner she’ll be eliminated.

It’s not a purposeful thing; she always does her best with every season, she’s way too competitive to not. But it tends to be hard, to work with people she dislikes, as the root cause of her dislike is generally that they won’t fucking listen to her. When she goes out early, it’s almost because her stupid celebrity refuses to listen to her or thinks she’s too harsh or the dance is too hard. It’s not like she usually gets to know them on any deep level; they spend a few weeks together in a surreal environment, and then she never sees them again.

Finn Collins, though. Finn Collins is new.

“You could just break one of his legs,” Bellamy suggests. They’re getting drinks and Bellamy is mocking her because while Ontari is something of a nightmare, she’s at least an expected kind of nightmare. She’s a controlling former actress who wants this to reboot her career and thinks Bellamy is there to serve her, not teach her. It sucks, but they’ve all dealt with that before. “Like, casually.”

Clarke snorts. “What’s the casual way to break someone’s legs? Ski mask and a tire iron?”

“I was thinking you just trip and fall and get him with your knee as you go down, but if you’ve got a ski mask and a tire iron–”

She elbows him. “Seriously, I’m worried that if he gets to the final he’s going to propose or something. Just to get audience votes.”

“That is how he got famous, right? Deciding he was going to marry a woman he barely knew?”

“If he tries to give me a rose I actually will break one of his legs,” she grumbles, and Bellamy laughs.

Finn’s not the first “star” to make it on the program because of his experience in reality TV, but Clarke will admit she finds him one of the least impressive. He went on The Bachelor despite, apparently, having a serious girlfriend, and he was somehow hoping that she wouldn’t find out because she hated reality TV, and that he’d be able to dump her cleanly if it went well.

Instead, it all blew up in his face, as he deserved, and by three months after his engagement at the end of the show, he was single and slightly infamous, which is, admittedly, the sweet spot for people who want to continue to appear on reality TV. He’s hosted some specials, been on some morning shows, and now seems to be known mostly as a pleasant, generic attractive white guy, like they didn’t have enough of those on TV already.

“If it makes you feel better, he’s not actually a good dancer, so he should get weeded out pretty soon,” Bellamy points out, practical as always. “He’s been scraping by on charm and luck. I’m just glad the charm stopped working on you.”

She makes a face. “It wasn’t working, I was being polite.”

“Because you didn’t know anything about him.”

“I’m still being polite.”

“I’m just saying, before I told you to google him, you actually kind of liked him.”

Clarke grins and nudges him. “So you were trying to save me?”

“Friends don’t let friends date former Bachelor contestants, Clarke.”

“Especially not ones who cheated on their real girlfriends. He would have lost me pretty soon anyway. He’s just so–”

“Finn?” Bellamy supplies.

“Pretty much. How’s Ontari doing? I feel like you aren’t complaining as much.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to cut into your time,” he teases, and she elbows him again. He ducks his head, laughing, and Clarke finds herself smiling too. He’s in a good mood today, a rarity, and it’s nice to see him so relaxed. “Honestly, she’s fine. Don’t get me wrong, she hates me, thinks she knows better than I do, and if she could just be her own teacher and partner, she’d be fucking thrilled. But the judges keep praising all the stuff I say they will, so she’s coming around. And I’d take unnecessary asshole hostility over someone trying to hit on me every time.”

“So, my life is terribleand makes you feel better about yours?”

He raises his glass. “Appreciated.”

She shakes her head, smiling. “Happy to help.”

As with so many things, the Finn situation gets worse before it gets better. He’s one of those people who, as he gains experience and confidence, also gains opinions, and while that can be a good thing, his opinions are bad, and he should feel bad.

“He thinks we need to put more Bachelor stuff into the routine,” she tells Bellamy, a week later.

“I told you he wanted to give you a rose. I tried to warn you.”

“He used the word synergy.”

That makes him wince. “Jesus, really?”

“Synergy, I swear to god. He thinks the cross-promotional synergy will really help his brand.”

“If that’s an actual quote, I might break his leg.”

“It is.” She puts her head on his shoulder with a sigh. “I never thought basic competence would be this annoying.”

“Yeah, it’s a real burden.” He pauses, thinking something over. “Did he say what he thinks his brand is? Because asshole from The Bachelor is a pretty competitive field.”

“That’s why he wants to add dancing. None of the others are dancers.”

“I’ve seen him dance, he isn’t either.”

Clarke smiles. “Doesn’t that reflect on me? I’m the one who’s supposed to be teaching him.”

“You’re doing your best with what you have to work with.”

“Ontari is actually good.”

“She’s nominally a singer, so I guess she should be.”

“Nominally, you’re such a snob.”

“I just think when you autotune that much you should lose some of the credit for your musical skills,” he grumbles. Bellamy googles everyone who signs up for the show extensively, which is how he knows things like who Finn is and what Ontari’s music sounds like. Clarke’s experience tends to be more scattershot, with some people she recognizes and some she wouldn’t know were stars unless someone told her. Which doesn’t bother her, but she’s pretty sure Bellamy is still embarrassed about his first season, when they had Roan Churchill on the show and everyone else was star struck and Bellamy mistook him for a new PA.

So now he’s an expert.

“But she does actually have rhythm and some taste.”

“Let’s not get carried away. I’m still rooting for Monty.”

“Me too,” Clarke admits. Usually she roots for her own star, and then Bellamy’s, but since both of theirs suck, they had to find other people. Monty’s kind of quiet and dorky, famous as a cartoonist of all things, and everyone expected him to fail out basically immediately, but the guy can move. It’s kind of awesome.

“So, what does Finn do with the rose in this hypothetical dance?” he asks. “How bad is it?”

“It’s in his mouth.”

“For your disco week number?” Bellamy asks, sounding dubious.

“Don’t tell me you’re against disco roses.”

“At this point I think it’s safe to say I’m against Finn,” he grumbles. “I don’t really want you to get knocked out, but–yeah, if he could got horribly injured and you had to get a new partner, I could live with that.”

“Still working on how to break his legs and make it look like an accident. But if I figure out how, I’ll let you know.”

“If you need an alibi, just ask.”

She grins, kisses his cheek. “Yeah, I know.”

Clarke and Bellamy have been professionals on the show for six seasons together, but they’ve never actually danced together. It’s not something Clarke thinks about, not something she felt like she was missing in her life. She knows Bellamy is a great dancer, one of the best she’s ever seen, and she’s always thought it would be fun, but she hasn’t danced with plenty of people.

It comes up primarily because Bellamy and Ontari somehow get eliminated before she and Finn do, which is just absurd. It’s not like Clarke likesOntari–quite the opposite–but she was without a doubt a much better dancer than Finn is, and she definitely should have stayed longer.

On the bright side, Bellamy is no longer the competition, but he’s still her friend, so he’s just hanging around offering commentary on their moves. It’s kind of cheating, probably, but it’s not like he isn’t offering commentary on other people’s routines. She’s just his favorite, and he hates Finn, so he’s doing it extra for them.

“This is impossible!” Finn finally says, in exasperation. “No one could do this!”

“That’s just bullshit,” Bellamy says, mild. “Just because you can’t doesn’t mean it’s impossible.”

“Yeah? Then you do it.”

It’s an incredibly stupid thing to say, and Finn realizes it maybe a second after he says it, but it’s too late.

“Sure,” says Bellamy. He glances at his friend Miller, who’s behind the camera today. “Assuming that’s cool.”

“I don’t give a shit,” says Miller. “They might not use the footage but go for it.”

“Clarke?” he asks, and Clarke finds that she really, really wants to.

It’s a surprise, but it shouldn’t be.

“It would probably be good to get a demonstration in. You know it?”

“Yeah, I know it.” His eyes sweep over her, just once, like he’s checking in, and then he offers his hand.

She’ll be the first person to admit the whole thing works a lot better with Bellamy than it does with Finn. It’s less that sexual attraction is required for dance–it definitely isn’t–and more that comfort with the partner helps.

But it’s also a little bit that it’s a sexy song, and a sexy dance, and given her choice between dirty dancing with Finn and dirty dancing with Bellamy, Bellamy wins every time.

The speed was what was tripping Finn up, mostly, and some of the more complicated footwork, but of course Bellamy doesn’t struggle with that. He’s light on his feet, his movements sure, and his eyes never leave hers. It’s close and hot and intimate and like no other dancing has ever been, like no other partner has ever been. Her whole life, nothing has ever been like this.

By the time they’re done, everyone is staring at them, and Clarke’s wondering if she’s allowed to drag him off somewhere and fuck him now, or if she’s required to wait until later.

Judging from his expression, he’s wondering the same thing, but he makes up his mind first. “See?” he says, to no one in particular. “Anyone can do it.”

“Yeah, that’s the lesson we learned there,” says Miller, dry.

Finn, on the other hand, is just sort of gaping at them; Clarke offers him a sunny smile. “I don’t think it’s the choreography,” she says, and that makes him close his mouth.

“No,” he says, at last. “Probably not.”

Bellamy is waiting for her when she leaves the showers after, looking like an anxious kid after his first school dance, of all things.

“Hi,” she says.

“Hi. I thought I could, uh–I thought we should talk.”

“Talk?” she asks, amused. “You want to talk?”

“What’s wrong with talking?”

“Nothing. But it seems kind of unnecessary.”

“Unnecessary,” he repeats, but there’s a smile lurking around his mouth.

“Was some part of what happened there unclear?” she asks, trailing her fingers up his chest.

“I hope not,” he says, and leans down to kiss her.

So they’re definitely on the same page.

When she and Finn get eliminated that week, she assumes that it’s partly because they included some of the footage of her and Bellamy practicing together, and nothing she and Finn did came even close to being that good.

Bellamy assumes so too, because he greets her with a kiss and, “See? We got rid of him.”

“I don’t know if that counts.”

“He’s gone and we’re together,” he points out. “That sounds like winning to me.”

It’s hard to argue with that logic, and she cuddles into his arms, warm and perfectly content, despite the loss. “Yeah,” she says. “When you put it like that.”

#hart-and-friar

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ellynore-moonwood · 6 years

Text

Ellynore’s 2017 Summary

This year has been a wild ride for me in so many ways, and I figured now would be a good time to sum up how I’ve felt about 2017 as a whole while it’s about to come to a close at the end of this weekend. I’ll try to keep it brief and concise, but if it ends up becoming a lengthier read, I do apologise. ^^; I’ll also clarify that I don’t want to seem pretentious or anything of the sort. This is just an honest summary of how I’m looking back on the year in my own perspective and how things have gone with me. 2017 has had it’s ups and downs, but like every upcoming year, we all hope it turns out better than the last in some way or other.

January - Not a lot of things happening, except getting a brand new laptop and searching for new material to use for voice acting as I spent most of it doing some writing on the side and browsing Tumblr looking for audio posts that could give me new ideas. I had a couple projects that were in-progress but not a lot of progress was being made, unfortunately. That didn’t stop me, though, since I continued contributing my voice to some YouTube videos made by @bettinalevyisdetermined as the awesome Undertale fish spearwoman Undyne.

February - Vine died, I spent the first half of the month revising my relationship status and goals, as well as “A Date with Markiplier” fangirling all throughout the second half of the month. After a month of supporting @distortional I got to meet them and learn about them as a person, and eventually was inspired and motivated to try voicing out Darkiplier. If you haven’t heard it, you can listen to it here. I’ll warn you, it was my very first time and it does sound a bit cringy, but I’ll let you guys be the judge of that.

March - The founding of @theglitchedsystem came to be and I got straight into work while also battling some stress but later overcoming it with some help and guidance from the other VAs who took part in the project. Definitely had a lot of fun being a part of this sub-community in a major way throughout this whole year.

April - I turned 24 and upgraded my Samson Go microphone to a Blue Yeti Blackout!

May - Further progression with voice acting and making new friends along the way. I also managed to properly master how to voice Darkiplier and became more confident with improv voice acting.

June - Facing new challenges and preparing for Winter. Spoiler alert, felt more like an extended Autumn, instead, most likely due to the fact that most Aussie Winters have a lot of sunshine, and when there’s a lot of that, it gets really warm. Fun fact: at this time of year, it’s not uncommon to see people walking outside wearing summer clothes when it gets around 15 degress Celsius or higher. You’re welcome. [EDIT] - I had forgotten to add that I was at a pop culture convention on that month and met my voice acting idol Jennifer Hale in person! I got a heartwarming signature and message from her, a hug, and even requested a short audio of her voicing one of my favourite voices she did for a game I played. Meeting her ignited a new spark in me to further pursue my dream in becoming a voice actor and I felt so happy that day.

July - Met more new friends and followers throughout my voice acting career while also facing some minor networking issues like followers not getting along with each other. Seriously, a community is about making friends and being with great, like-minded people. If there’s any drama happening, take it outside, no questions asked. Less people get caught in the crossfire that way. On a lighter note, “Darkiplier vs. Antisepticeye” was the talk of the town even after the end of that month.

August - Friendships have strengthened, especially with the “Kill Jacksepticeye” video which made an escalated return of Antisepticeye. If you have friends who are as hyped about something as you are, stick with them. You won’t have to deal with the shock alone and the experience is better when shared with friends. On a sad note, my grandmother had passed away which affected me and my whole family since she was my last grandparent and I’ll never forget her. Rest in peace, Nanna. <3

September - Continued voice acting as usual while also taking up a couple more responsibilities that I picked up from August and carried it further as a way of helping followers whenever they’re feeling down or facing a tough situation where they need some advice. I learned a lot about some people in particular and I wish them nothing but happiness.

October - Preparing for the Halloween season which felt a little bit underwhelming compared to last year. Let’s hope next year will be better. I will say, I did get to watch a bunch of horror movies and cartoon specials and those were a lot of fun and were a great way of relieving stress. Got to collaborate with @melissatreglia for the very first time with the event she hosted called “Darktober” where I helped with audio editing as well as manage a HUGE voice acting project titled “The Hostage.”

November - This month in particular was spent trying to get voice acting excerpts done and ready to post before going on a week-long holiday away with my family at the end of the month while also tackling with job searching in bulk. It got a bit emotional and stressful for me leading up to the last few days, but I finally got a chance to relax and spend time with my family while not having to worry about voice acting. It was a good break away from home.

And here comes the final month of 2017, which includes venting.

December - Compared to every other month, December was absolute hell and filled with truckloads of (pardon my language) bullshit. While there were some upsides like going to my first midnight theatre screening to see “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” and having a fun and enjoyable Christmas break, everything else was nothing but chaos and drama which left me in a mental state of shock and anxiety at extreme levels. I’m not going to sugarcoat it as it was a huge deal and some parts of it are still fresh in my mind. In short, four people who were formerly part of the TGS (The Glitched System) sub-community went to war against my friend and leader, Distortional, as well as aiming pitchforks at anyone who didn’t side with the bad guys. It was at that point where I was engulfed with rage and wanted to fight back for the sake of my friends because I felt that they were wronged. If it wasn’t for the fact that I heard about it late at night, I would have been punching a lot of things around my room, I was that angry. But, that backfired as the fingers were soon pointed at me for three days straight. Needless to say, I didn’t take the bashlash very well. A first for everything, I suppose. Luckily, several other witnesses who also got hurt were incredibly supportive, they gave me the full story about what really happened, and I soon learned who my true friends are. Looking back at my lackluster performance with the aftermath of the whole debacle, it took me a week after finally blocking those abusive, immature people to clear my head and recover from the shock and emotional abuse*. The witnesses I spoke of have already moved on but let’s pray that those responsible will look back and rethink their actions for next time. This ordeal has allowed me to retain the experience I had that I will use to, hopefully in the future, better deal with manipulative people and call them out if they end up going around backstabbing people. In other words (again, pardon my language), anyone who fucks with me and my friends will be remembered but not in a good way. If you can’t be friends with other people and don’t enjoy being part of a certain community, the most responsible thing you can do is just leave quietly and move along. And by quietly, I seriously mean quietly. My blog and community are a drama-free zone 24/7. Respect it.

TL;DR, When drama hits and your friends are hurt, you feel inclined to stand by them till the bitter end, even if it ends up with you biting the bullet. That’s loyalty. Plus, and this is a bit pessimistic even for me, not everyone is going to like you, but haters gonna hate and the people who really want to stick around for you are your true supporters.

* [Note: Please don’t confuse it for PTSD as it happened in the present time, not as a flashback to a past event.]

And that’s 2017 for me.

As for what I’m going to do for 2018, I have plans on doing more voice acting but hoping to go bigger and better by taking on roles I’ve done previously and adding new ones in the mix for variety purposes.

I’m also going to dedicate more focus on my YouTube channel where I do more videos on voice acting in video games. I am continuing “Night in the Woods,” though future episodes are bound to be longer than twenty minutes as it is considered a more relaxing game with a lot of in-game dialogue. I just need to find opportunities when I can record with no unnecessary noise in the background as well as voice out more louder characters when I come across them.

If you guys want to suggest something to me for 2018 to work on, whether it’s audios here or videos on my channel, my ask and submission boxes are always open. I hope you guys had a good 2017 and wish you guys nothing but the best for 2018. Stay safe, keep your chin up and having a pleasant New Year’s! :D

- Ellynore Moonwood

#ellynore moonwood #update #2017

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sighlizz · 6 years

Note

3, 4, 7, 8, 17, 20-40

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.There have only been two people in my life that I’ve had serious romantic relationships with and fortunately one is still well in my life. The first one, definitely my first love, not really my favorite person or someone I would be friends with now. But I really can’t deny that. And the one still in my life is my current boyfriend, which I love to death. And I never really know how much is too sappy, so I’m constantly under sappy and I’m sorry for that. He’s pretty honest with me when I need him to be, which I appreciate lots, sometimes I think he sugar coats things. He’s one of the cleanest boys I know, which I think is like a huge bonus?! and he always knows how to make me laugh and when to comfort me. He’s my best friend, so what more could I ask for?

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.I regret everything I ever do? Ha, but one of the things that I don’t think anyone really knows about much, is family. I often times let my (dads side) family walk all over me and talk down on my brother and I. I don’t ever stand up for myself, it’s a love-hate relationship I have with them. For example, my mom couldn’t afford to pay for all of my dads funeral expenses, so my family came in and I wanted my dad to be buried at a specific spot but it was a little bit pricier, and my uncle had come in and told me “beggars can’t be choosers” Long story short, they turned around and decided we were going to have to pay them back for the whole funeral. Which was shitty.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.I almost want to say my intelligence? I mean I’ve got quite a few insecurities, but my intelligence is one of the bigger ones that I don’t think many people know about. A lot of my grades after elementary school, I feel like were very unimpressive, and I don’t know if it’s because I don’t try enough or I really am stupid. I’ve been diagnosed with ADD and I have been prescribed for medication in the past and my grades were terrific then, but it also makes me shitty and suicidal so I don’t enjoy taking it and I haven’t been taking it since like my freshman year of high school. But even socially, I feel like I can be saying some nonsense and I’m just completely embarrassed later.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.This took me a long time to kind of figure out. But my heritage, it’s not super common, and I really like it when people ask like where I’m from actually. I mean unfortunately both sides of my family don’t clash well together, but I’m able to go to one side and just experience things and go to another side, and both families are immigrants so the traditions are pretty live and well.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with. Anyone willing to hand me some money? Show me the finer things in life? lol, on a real note, I feel like I’m friends with everyone I would like to be close to, with an exception of old best friends, but ya know, it’s life.

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.Ooo, girl, I was just with a friend I haven’t seen since high school like a few hours ago and she brought up this story that I forgot. I had just been broken up with this guy I had been with for two years and yikes, well he had milk in his locker/cubbies and like who tf leaves milk all day in their locker? So that was nasty, anyways, I opened up that milk and poured it all over his clothes and books in the BACK of his locker, so he wouldn’t even know and I was in guard and all the girls thought it was funny, so like 3 days later this horrible stench comes and people are trying to figure out like what that nasty smell was, HA ya it was coming from his locker and he had to clean everything out, and oh my gosh, my text books were still in his locker! And I thought those textbooks was owned by the girl he was flirting with so I was about to pour milk onto those books too, but luckily I didn’t cause, um ya haha they were mine actually. Anyways the girls and I laughed, the end.

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.I feel like I don’t turn people down? It’s probably worst, lol. I’ll give someone a chance, and if I’m not feeling it, I do a 180 and ghost them.

22: Talk about your worst fear.Oh, well I’m religious so like I’m dead serious. Demons, like not even the devil that I’m kinda scared of, it’s like demons from like Insidious the movie. Like with zombies? I could kill myself and I don’t have to deal with them anymore. But demons, oh my, no, they’ve got you.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.N/A ?

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.I don’t think I can really pinpoint anything specifically right now, but anytime a friend comes to me with a problem they have I feel special, I’m terrible at giving advice, but I’m always around to sit and listen and mope with you. And also anytime someone comes to me and just tells me their true feelings about something, knowing that they feel comfortable enough to open up about something, that’s good stuff.

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.This happened recently that she became my ex-best friend. I don’t know I miss her and I still hope the best for her. I’m sure if I reached out and kept bothering her she’ll eventually let me into her life, lol, but I just don’t think that’s a good idea. She’s really pretty and definitely one of the most realistic people I know and honestly, I don’t have a whole lot of girlfriends, so losing one out of the few I already barely had made me devastated.

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.I sleep? Don’t do very much because I’m so tired. And I’m not sick very often either, but when I do, I’ll probably do 3 gulps of NyQuil, no more, no less. Definitely not the amount recommended but I sleep more and that’s all I care about.

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.Hmm, I love a good nose. Noses are probably my favorite, I love the tip of the nose, the cartilage part, it’s a good part. I also really like fingernails. I think those two specifically are my favorite because I don’t like my own nose and fingernails.

28: Talk about your fetishes.If you’re able to find my BDSM test scores, I feel like those are all still pretty relevant. The only new thing is I’m a slight masochist.

29: Talk about what turns you on.I’m a slut for people who text back fast. Anytime someones got Old Spice deodorant, like my sense of smell isn’t great, but I can pinpoint who’s wearing it and I love it. I guess just caring about my safety should be a basic one, but ya I like that. Complimenting me, that’s basic, I don’t know these are all basic. I am a basic girl, feed me and touch my hair and I’m in love. Maybe it’s little things I like, are these little things? I feel like these aren’t very high standards lol.

30: Talk about what turns you off.If you don’t keep up with basic hygiene and if you don’t care how you appear to other people, then we’re going to have a problem. If you’re inconsiderate and have no manners, like dinner table wise especially, eek. If we’re texting and you make me wait for long periods of time (talking about hours, lol minutes is pushing it, but I guess I gotta be realistic) then Imma drop you.

31: Talk about what you think death is like.I would like to think there’s a heaven. Everyone is happy and dandy and those who deserve not to be there, ya. They’re not there, heh heh. But I guess my faith is not all that stable, because otherwise, I think it’s just cold and dark.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.Hmm, well I lived in southern California for the most of my life, but when I was younger my cousins had this house up in central California and basically a farm. Cows, chickens, goats, dogs the whole thing and before I started high school, I would go there every summer and like just run around and that was fun.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.Ooooo, listen to sad boi music. Cry more. And it’s a good time. If it’s really bad, then I’ll call up a friend and have them just keep me company, but by the time they get to me I stop crying because I hate crying around people, and they’ll ask me what’s wrong and I’ll try to avoid the question and act like nothing has happened and we’ll eventually talk then they leave, and I cry again. It’s a routine I have.

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.Once in middle school, I got some sort of kissing disease or I was sharing too many of my drinks and I got this gnarly infection in my mouth. I couldn’t eat or swallow so I basically starved myself. Eating caused me an enormous amount pain and starving wasn’t any better. So I lost a quite a bit of weight, and at one point I thought I was going to die. lol

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.PROCASTINATiNG. BEING LAZY. Cracking my knuckles, shaking my leg when I’m nervous, turning red when I’m embarrassed. I wish I wasn’t so petty, that I was just nicer. I want to stop judging people, the last two things I really try working on, but I’ve still got some=progress to do.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.Oof, I love looking at myself. I love picking at my own skin too, it’s really unnecessary but I enjoy it (and if I’m virtually spotless, then I attack my brother, a gold mine for me)

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.Omg. Middle school. I don’t know. We’re all stupid then. I’m glad none of my current friends were close to me, Jesus. I don’t know??? I said I love you to the guy??? UGH. dumb and gross.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.Fuqboi - Kelsey Hauf, thanks for showing me songs you think I would like, because I did like them, but mostly because you thought about me.Unintended (Muse) - Aileen, we both cried our eyes out to this, for the same reasons Wait a Minute! - Tegan, thanks for always screaming this song with me, I don’t know why we like it so much, lol My Boo (Hitman’s Club remix)- Michael, because you would dance this every time it came on and I thought it was so darn cute.Toothbrush (DNCE)- Michael, lol one of the first songs that I associated with you, it was on the radio constantly and we were always together. I’ve been meaning to make a playlist, but just never got around to it.

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.Don’t go to parties with people you barely know. Don’t drink alone with only one person. Save your virginity, like wtf. Be on top of your shit, life goes by WAY to fast for the worst.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.A lot of my life was carefree, up until my dad passed. I didn’t worry about anything and took care of nothing. When my dad passed, I felt like I was forced to start doing things all of the sudden, taking care of my brother, making sure my mom was okay (she started to drink a whole lot more) and I would have to put her in her place, take her to bed, made sure she got up for work, etc), I had to start learning how to drive because my dad was the person who took us everywhere. So after that, I was given a lot more freedom, but I also was given a ton of more responsibilities.

#:)#ha #Thanks for the questions!#I had this all written out yesterday but somehow got deleted #so here I am again 3:42 AM #writing it all out again #made me actually think and reflect on stuff #hmh #BUT AGAIN #Thanks!

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