#GOD what if aziraphale initiated it then. and then he shows up later in the year (?) to do the dance

[girlbloggercrowley]

i am a believer in the s3 1941 kiss

#good omens #it just makes Sense. #like the way i shot out of my seat when aziraphale said he did the apology dance in 1941... WE HAVEN'T SEEN THAT YET!!!! #my delusional theory: they kiss on the night of the zombies/blitz after their gay little romantic dinner #they freak out about it and crowley leaves #GOD what if aziraphale initiated it then. and then he shows up later in the year (?) to do the dance #as an olive branch cause at this point he's painfully in love he just wants to see crowley again #so he does the dance as like. “sorry for freaking you out here's our joke it's all okay right?” #and then crowley has to watch as aziraphale apologizes for kissing him. yeah that works! slams my head into the wall #that would explain the weirdness in 1960s #would NOT explain why aziraphale said you go too fast but like maybe more things happened in between them. #oh my god what if like they fully dated then during those years but had a messy breakup #and then crowley wants to keep going he's sad they broke up but aziraphale had issues with heaven or something so he's scared #every day i hurt my own feelings

[colleendoran]

I was curious how you manage to keep features consistent when you draw them? Do you use models? Is there a model for Crowley? He is very handsome.

I don't use models per se, but I sometimes keep files of photos or art that resembles the subject.

Crowley is based a bit on the French actor Alain Delon who was once considered the handsomest man in the world. He doesn't look exactly like Delon, but that is in my head when I draw him. I recall reading Neil and Mr. Pratchett once considered Peter Sellers for Crowley.

There is no reference for Aziraphale because he is entirely in my head and I can't really find anyone who looks exactly the way he does. I recall reading that Neil and Mr. Pratchett thought of Brian Dennehy at one point, but my head canon Aziraphale won. I think a Brian Dennehy Aziraphale would have been amazing, though. Anyway, he is actually kind of hard for me to draw because his facial structure is a bit outside my usual style. His face is a bit long and his eyes closer together than I normally do, and if I'm not careful, he slips away. He appears younger and more classically handsome as an angel than he does in his corporeal form, but I think he's quite fetching as a bookseller.

Michael Sheen is so perfect in this role it is really hard not to leak bits of his performance into the graphic novel edition, but I have to resist the impulse. I am not allowed to use any of the show actors as models.

I adore Michael Sheen. Who doesn't?

Adam is also a head canon character. He is a perfect young Greek God, so that's kind of drawing on a day with a Y in it for me.

The inspiration for Newt I'm keeping a secret. I submitted a number of sketches for Newt. The show Newt dug in deep and I had a hard time shaking him off.

The Them are based on kids I knew. They're in my head, I don't need any photos. They don't really look like the kinds in the show. The book version of Pepper, for example, is a freckled red-head.

Anathema is an amalgam of features that don't come from one person, which I think fits the description of the character. She's also unusual for me to draw but she's easier to draw than Aziraphale. I nail her every time.

Hastur is a caricature of the stereotypical English upper class you'd see in broadsheets 200 years ago. I have a file of pictures of Anthony Ashley-Cooper, 7th Earl of Shaftesbury for Hastur. I considered making Hastur more handsome in a Duke of Hell sort of way, but I think Hastur likes to be scary. I keep thinking of Peter O'Toole when I draw Hastur, too.

I feel kind of bad basing Hastur on Lord Ashley because he was a wonderful person and I'm sure he didn't go to Hell.

Ligur is a broad caricature of Danny Devito. I obviously can't use a DeVito portrait. That would be wrong. But I can tweak from there and come up with a general idea of the face I want to use.

Beelzebub and Metatron are head canon, and don't look a thing like they do in the show. I postulate some demons prefer to look like their angelic selves, and at other times prefer to be fearsome. Crowley can look fearsome when he wants, for example. In the book, Beelzebub appears as a young man in red flames.

Shadwell was drawn from reference at the direct suggestion of Neil.

Madame Tracy is based on a certain person, but no one you would have heard of. The original source might not be flattered, but I love Madam Tracy. She's really easy to draw because she's a bit over the top. I'm sketching around her scenes right now because I don't have final approval on some things yet. So she might need some changes later.

War is head canon, very easy to draw. She's a knockout. No reference required.

Famine looks a lot like Famine in the show, actually, but that's what Famine always looked like, pretty much. Except he has the grey eyes he has in the book.

Pollution is initially described as being a forgettable white guy, but later described as looking like a romantic poet, which strikes me as being memorable. Because he's only on one page in his forgettable white guy phase, I chose not to make major changes in his appearance between those panels and later when he appears as his true self, because that's a bit more confusing than it needs to be in the graphic novel edition. He's rather glamorous as the essence of Pollution, though. No reference needed.

Dog is a dog.

While I do give every detail a lot of thought, I am sure other people have other opinions. I understand that, and hope you enjoy what I do anyway.

Thanks for your question.

I'm still a bit under the weather, so may be stepping away from the net for awhile so I can concentrate on work. I have a lot of sick time to make up.

But don't think I don't appreciate your interest in the Good Omens graphic novel adaptation. Your wonderful support is acting on me like a tonic, let me tell you.

#good omens #good omens graphic novel #neil gaiman #terry pratchett

[anon-s-s-k]

Alright, so I finished Good Omens S2 about a month ago, and my god! What a season! But I'm not here to give a review of the show actually.

While watching the show, I noticed something about Crowley (because I'll never not notice Crowley, or David Tennant for that matter :p but anyway), specifically about Crowley's eyes.

So this is the one right after his fall. His eyes are so yellow. Like, majority of his eyes are yellow here.

However, I noticed that later in the show the yellow in his eyes got reduced.

Ngl, initially I thought it was just a continuity mistake. But then again, with how much detail-oriented Good Omens is, I thought I should go back and give it a look again, properly this time.

Upon looking at it again, I realised the reduction of the yellow part in his eyes is shown over time. So I thought, oh! Maybe they are trying to show how with time Crowley has gone more human-like.

But then, I noticed something else.

During the bookshop fire scene, Crowley's eyes are almost entirely yellow again. And this got me to theorize my new theory about it. Please bear with me on this one.

So it's already established that Crowley had normal eyes before he became a demon, and the fact that his eyes signify his "demonness?".

Now, my theory is that the reduction of the yellow parts and the increased white parts of his eyes signifies everything good in him, including his love for Aziraphale and the influence Aziraphale has on him. Initially he had so much yellow in his eyes because he had little to no influence of Aziraphale on him. But over the course of time, Aziraphale kept on growing on Crowley in a way that kept reducing the demonic influence on him, and the yellow in his eyes. But when, during the bookshop scene, Crowley thought he lost Aziraphale for real, the rage and grief elevated the demonic influences again, which is why, I think, his eyes are majorly yellow again. But when he realised that Aziraphale wasn't gone, the yellow in his eyes reduced again.

And then they elevate again in the Bentley on fire scene,

But reduces immediately after he saw Aziraphale again on the airbase (even though the Bentley burnt down to the ground in front of his eyes).

This is entirely my theory and just something I noticed and thought what could have happened. I'm not sure if it has been stated before or if it is already official, or there's another canon fact about Crowley's eyes. It's just my thoughts, and if I'm wrong please forgive me.

Also if Crowley shows up in season 3 with entirely yellow eyes, signifying that everything good in him is gone, trust me I won't feel better about myself for predicting it beforehand, not at all. Not even a little bit.

Crowley's eye gif from this post.

Rest from Pinterest.

Peace x

#good omens #good omens 2 #go2 #crowley #david tennant #aziraphale #michael sheen #neil gaiman #terry pratchett #crowly x aziraphale #aziracrow #azicrow #azirowley #ineffable husbands #ineffable idiots #good omens prime

[eviebane]

Aziraphale spoke with The Metatron during the attack

Aziraphale's only plan during the bookshop attack was to request the gate. We know from S1 that someone in Heaven has to open it. Aziraphale initially thought it was God but it turned out to be The Metatron, who says he'll leave the gateway open for Aziraphale.

In 2x05 Aziraphale requests a gate. "Hello? Anybody there?" He's reaching out to someone in Heaven. Note that just before the gateway opens, the audience mostly stays with Maggie & Nina while Aziraphale is busy in the background. He disappears for 1 minute and 14 seconds just before opening the gateway.

The video below shows the bookshop attack up until Aziraphale steps away from the gateway, focusing on Aziraphale's whereabouts (2m16s).

At this point I wonder exactly what Aziraphale was up to. Requesting a gateway is a sure-fire way to summon someone from Heaven, but no one appears in the gateway and he ends up just using it to discorporate demons. Aziraphale acknowledges that even demons aren't that stupid, they won't keep walking into it forever - it was a flimsy plan.

Is it possible that this plan was either only part of his plan, or a failed plan so he adapted. In either of these plans, I think the goal was to speak to Heaven but as the gateway was empty, Aziraphale used the gate as a weapon.

Why would Aziraphale reach out to Heaven? Well, it's exactly what he did in S1 when things went wrong. He tried to talk to God to 'sort this whole mess out'. Trying again in S2 isn't that far-fetched.

Several times in S2, Aziraphale references being under Heaven's protection and the bookshop being an embassy, despite even Shax pointing out that wasn't true.

Did Aziraphale want to speak to Metatron? We now have Aziraphale requesting a gate in the same manner he did in S1 when he spoke to Metatron, so we have to assume Aziraphale expected that requesting the gate would summon the Metatron to it.

Perhaps he was trying God (even though he tried God in S1 and knows he just gets the Metatron) or trying another angel (but we don't know of any angel allies he has so this seems unlikely). Therefore I'm concluding he was trying to summon the Metatron.

Why would Aziraphale want to speak to the Metatron? It could have been purely to get access to the gateway as a weapon in the attack, but again, Aziraphale himself said it wouldn't be that effective. I believe Aziraphale's plan went beyond just opening the gateway.

You can read my meta post about the Final Fifteen and Aziraphale’s plan for season 3 here.

If Aziraphale wanted to speak to the Metatron, I believe it was to ask for help. Now, the Metatron wouldn't give this freely so he would ask for something in return. Remember that the Metatron is keen to launch Armageddon 2.0 and knows that Aziraphale is a threat to his plans.

What was the deal? This is difficult to theorise as we don't have a lot of clues. There's a few lines that strike me as odd.

"Do people ever ask for Death?" "What?" "Well, the name of your establishment, Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death. I assume they always ask for coffee." "They don't ever ask for Death, no." "No, I don't suppose they do. So predictable."

"It's just you and me, Aziraphale. I think we need to have a bit of a chinwag, don't you?" "I don't believe there's anything left to be said. I've made my position quite clear."

The way Aziraphale says he's made his position quite clear feels to me like a conversation has already taken place. We know Aziraphale isn't offered the Supreme Archangel job until later on, so what could they have discussed prior?

We see parallels in S2 about making deals where someone could claim a favour owed later on. Did Aziraphale also make a deal with the Metatron - in exchange for the gateway, the Metatron could claim a favour from Aziraphale?

It could be a blanket 'yes' to anything he asks for. It could be Aziraphale's return to Heaven or even his death. I'm honestly not going to rule anything out. But this could (could!) explain Aziraphale's sincerity during the Final Fifteen when he tells Crowley about the Metatron's offer. Perhaps this was a better deal than he was originally offered or just imagined. Remember that there are pieces of his café conversation with the Metatron that we don't see.

Maybe it's a little far-reaching, but I do think it's not outlandish to believe that Neil has something very sneaky happening up his (and Aziraphale's) sleeve, and any good magician has already started their trick before the audience even starts watching for it to begin. There is so much to unpack in S2 and I think to guess at S3, we need to look back further than the Final Fifteen.

As always let me know your thoughts!

*edit* I don't think the gateway was opened before we see it open, but we know that Heaven can hear his pray before the gateway opens. Was Aziraphale in the back room praying for help?

#good omens meta #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #gomens #goodomens #ineffable divorce #gomens 2 #good omens 2 #the metatron #bookshop attack #nina #maggie #shax

[sunderwight]

I keep seeing people argue that Aziraphale is "intelligent" or "not a fool" and that this means he can't possibly have fallen for the Metatron's blatant manipulation tactics or still genuinely believe in Heaven's righteousness.

Setting aside the validity of various theories (most of which I at least find interesting, if not outright compelling!) I think there's an issue here, which is that intelligence doesn't protect you from cult-like thinking. Especially not when you've been more or less born and raised in the environment.

In fact, what intelligence tends to do to people who have been indoctrinated into cults (and a cult is exactly what GO Heaven operates like) is give you even more tools for justifying or thinking your way around the contradictions of the cults actions vs message.

We even see Aziraphale do this, several times!

In fact, at the end of S1 doing this is part of what helps save the day. When he points out that Heaven can't know that they aren't defying God's ineffable plan while trying to follow the Great Plan, he's not just talking them into standing down, he's giving them an out. Because the whole Armageddon thing has already gone to shit and cannot proceed without Adam's cooperation, what they're really dealing with at that point is getting Heaven and Hell to accept that without retaliating. Even when Satan shows up it's because he's pissed, not because doomsday is still on.

Aziraphale uses the cult's own logic to give Heaven (and Hell) a plausible reason to back down without completely losing face. They don't have to admit that they were wrong, they can just file everything under "ineffability". Aziraphale pulls this off so well in part because he's been doing this to himself for millennia.

When he doesn't understand or really approve of the Flood, he files it under "ineffability". God has a plan but it's too complex and beyond even angelic comprehension to understand, so there must be a good reason for the Flood, it's just that Aziraphale can't see it. When he sees Heaven being complicit in Job's suffering and the potential murder of his children, he reconciles it by deciding that what God really wants is for him and Bildad to secretly stop it. But he flounders on that later, because to some extent I think he knows that this reasoning is self-serving.

(Knowing it's self-serving doesn't refute it, though, it just means that he worries about that until he talks himself into a bunch of reasons why it's still probably true.)

In S1, when Crowley broaches the subject of the apocalypse, Aziraphale's initial response is to recite the propaganda. It's all going to go according to plan, and it will all be great! When that doesn't work (because of course it won't be great, he's going to end up losing his true home and the person he loves most if this all goes down no matter who wins), he lets Crowley help talk him into how he could thwart the plan without "really" betraying his concept of God.

Basically, if Aziraphale's values come into conflict with Heaven, he decides that God secretly agrees with him. It's very like people who find their values coming into conflict with the institution of their church or temple, and so decide that there's nothing wrong with their actual religion, it's all just normal human corruption (or in GO's case, angelic corruption) muddying the waters of an otherwise purely good thing.

Now in real life of course this gets to be a thorny issue, but keeping it simple there isn't really a total separation between a faith and its institutions. You can't claim that there's nothing in the religion that lends itself to bad takes, just like you also can't claim that any ideology or belief system is invulnerable to corruption. Likewise, even if every bad thing in GO were to turn out to be the fault of Heaven and Hell and not God, God would still be accountable for a lot of the situation because God still set the stage.

But what matters for Good Omens and Aziraphale and this post is that, Aziraphale has put considerable mental energy into justifying how God and Heaven can still be Good and Right even as both of them do things he finds intolerable. Whether it's "God secretly wants me to do what I think is right instead of what I'm being told" or "Heaven has earnestly misinterpreted the will of God due to not knowing as much as I do", he puts his intelligence to use in protecting himself from the kind of revelation that would uproot his worldview.

The only kind of knowledge that actually protects people from cults is the knowledge of how they operate, and awareness that you're dealing with a cult. Aziraphale has a terrible disadvantage on both fronts because even though he's spent years watching humanity get into hot water with this stuff, he does so with the firm perspective that things are different for angels. He can't necessarily apply what works for humans to himself, because he knows he's a different kind of being (and unlike with IRL cults, it's actually true in his case, though I think demons and angels are both less different from humans than they believe).

Though, interestingly, he's closer to a accepting the truth when it comes to the differences between angels and demons. In S1 he is fully confident that he could possess someone, because even though angels don't do that, demons can. Whether he admits it or not, Aziraphale really does believe that Crowley is not meaningfully different from himself in terms of personhood or ability. If he can make the leap to the idea that angels and demons are not exempt from human-oriented concepts of self-determination and free will and unfair treatment by authority, and reconcile it with his own intense distress at challenging a core belief, then the fact that he's quick on the uptake will really start to work in his favor.

#good omens #i mean yes aziraphale is smart #yes it's also still entirely possible he's being manipulated and is making a terrible decision here #being smart on its own doesn't protect anyone from high control groups #you have to be willing to entertain the idea that the group is a bad thing at bare minimum #and aziraphale was basically born into it which makes it even harder for him

[theeminentlyimpractical]

ALRIGHT I HAVE SOME CROWLEY THOUGHTS that are LONG and UNHINGED buckle up kids //// MILD SPOILERS(?)

Essentially - knowing Crowley's angelic rank recontextualizes a lot of the first season. Hat tip to @moonyinpisces for inspiring this madness with their Pre-Fall Thoughts.

BLUF/shitpost TL;DR:

God machinated the not-pocalypse, including manipulating both our idiot angels (this is canon, fight me)

Crowley Fell out of necessity in The Plan, knows that as a higher ranking Angel and both resents God and still believes in Her Plan

When foiling the Antichrist initially fails, my man has a crisis of Faith, thinks God has abandoned him yet AGAIN, and is like WELP FREE WILL IS ON THE TABLE NOW BABYYYYY 

LET’S RUN AWAY ANGEL NO ONE IS WATCHING THIS IS MY ACTUAL SELF HELLO NICE TO MEET YOU

Aziraphale, having been a heavenly plebe*, still believes in the hierarchy of Heaven and blah blah blah

Crowley, still a Believer at heart, makes one last plea to the Almighty OR HE WILL RUN AWAY SO HELP HERSELF

My Guy is successfully manipulated by God into staying and also rescuing Book Girl’s Book

Great Plan fails successfully 

Oh. OH.

They survive thanks to another divine intervention.

Crowley muses on the ACTUAL Big One, which like, my dude, how do you KNOW?  👀

Aziraphale is entirely unaware of this whole process and is fully on team Free Will and is all “our bookshop” this and “our car” that; meanwhile

Crowley is now a full time existentialist and part time Sad Keanu because if his entire existence is predetermined, why do anything, including love?

*this also makes it super fucking funny that Aziraphale insists on standards. Crowley is quiet luxury. Aziraphale is nouveau riche.

ACTUAL META WITH CANON CITATIONS (yes the above is the short version):

I’ve always assumed that Crowley falling was part of The Ineffable Plan, similar to how it was necessary for Aziraphale to give away his sword. God accepts Aziraphale’s babbling excuses, and 6,000 years later the sword shows up in the hands of War. When he returns to Heaven, he is reprimanded only for losing his body - the sword has ineffably disappeared from Heaven’s requisition roles. He HAD give it away in order for it - and him - to play their respective parts in The Great Plan.

And that was thwarted only by Aziraphale and Crowley collaborating for the good of humanity, and (selfishly) for themselves, rather than angels and demons. For it to work, there needed to be an agent of the Ineffable Plan on each side.

We now know Crowley was fairly high ranking in heaven. Would he have had insight on the Plan, or some part of it? Or merely assumed, truly believed, as he still seems to, that they would all play a part? We also know he is somehow wrong about how the hierarchy of Heaven works - what if his error was in assuming his role in the Plan meant maintaining his status as an Angel? [EDIT GIVEN NEW INFO: seems plausible he went to God and asked for a stay of execution on the Earth, and he got it, whether knowingly or not.] And instead God sends him away to fulfill his role in Hell, when that comes to pass. It could be why he’s not too concerned with the day to day of demoning - it will all work out as intended, in the End.

Does he know, suspect, or just truly still believe that they were meant to thwart the Apocalypse, which is why he is so confident in their cockamamie scheme? And when that apparently fails, he feels betrayed by God again, because the Plan he felt entrusted with seems to have been scrapped. He rages: 

“For the record, great pustulant mangled bollocks to the Great Blasted Plan!”

That may be why he’s so ready to run off with Aziraphale in that moment. If the Plan is off, then he can finally make his own choices, and he chooses Aziraphale and freedom. Aziraphale doesn’t choose him back, and Crowley moves to run away anyway, with one final plea to God to not let this come to pass, a Psalm 22 of his own.

Crowley is the only demon we see who still seems distraught over his Fall, rather than out for vengeance. He resents God for damning him, but often seems to believe in Her ineffable game.  He still addresses his final pleas directly to the Almighty -

“God, you listening? Okay, I know you’re testing them, you said you were going to be testing them. You shouldn’t test them to destruction. Not to the end of the world.”

Only he never leaves, because of a fire started by a gust of wind and the sheet music for Her favorite musical. 

And then they do thwart it, and survive, thanks to Agnes’ note fluttering inexplicably right into Aziraphale’s hand. So many little details demonstrate divine intervention. 

So now what’s the Plan? Crowley was ready to run away when the Plan was off, but now? He muses on the nature of The Big One before they dine at the Ritz. He says it lightly, but how does he have this insight?

What, exactly, is their role in the Second Coming? Because, it appears, they do have one.

Aziraphale seems blissfully unaware of the divine intervention in successfully averting the Apocalypse. He is now All In on Their Side, finally feeling free. Crowley, on the other hand, seems painfully aware. My man had the full free will he finally grasped in that bandstand burned away in a bookshop fire. 

Do I think he necessarily knows their exact role in this? No. And they still have free will in the small things, naturally. But I wonder if we will see Crowley resigned to his (and Aziraphale’s) fate being predetermined, a foregone conclusion. So why do anything, including love, if in the end, nothing really matters. 

#good omens #good omens 2 #go 2 speculation #go2 spoilers #s2 Crowley is a full time existentialist and part time Sad Keanu #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens spoilers

[darlsbardlife]

Listening to 1989 Taylor’s version and I figured out EXACTLY how season 3 of Good Omens should start. This is going to be long 😂

We have a 6ish month time skip and Crowley gets invited to Ineffable Bureaucracy’s wedding on Alpha Centauri.

Obviously he shows up drunk in a stunning outfit and pulls a “Speak Now”— interrupting the ceremony and tipping over chocolate fountains (and the other inevitably tacky decorations Gabriel and Beelzebub put up due to their mismatched aesthetics) while babbling about how much they don’t deserve the happiness they’ve managed to find.

Beelzebub gets rightfully pissed and fly-teleports him back to the bookshop where Muriel is. Crowley is miserable and tries to tempt Muriel into drinking wine but stops because it reminds him of Aziraphale, making him even sadder.

Crowley decides to take a nap on the bookshop floor (where Aziraphale drew the summoning circle). It starts to pour outside and there’s a persistent knock at the door. Crowley tells Muriel to answer it. They return a few moments later insisting that Crowley really must answer the door himself.

He does and it’s Aziraphale. He’s soaked and trembling and clearly injured. He forces a letter into Crowley’s hands. (“Stand there like a ghost, shaking from the rain.”) Crowley takes it and just stares at Aziraphale for a moment.

There’s a moment where Crowley’s like “Are you insane? How dare you come back here?” But then, seconds later, Aziraphale collapses in his arms. The anger is gone— Crowley catches him and whispers, “Angel.”

(^We could also get a rain kiss initiated by Aziraphale after ‘Are you insane?’ Then a pause. Then him collapsing. It could be a good parallel to the season 2 finale and would also play out the tragic communication problems a bit longer.)

Then we get a flashback transition of Crowley and Aziraphale in Egypt at the time of the Exodus story. (Lots of themes there, obviously. Plus it would be great to see Crowley in an ancient Pharaoh fit slouching on a throne.)

Crowley isn’t the Pharaoh but the Pharaoh is basically his drinking buddy. We get THE scene where Crowley tempts Aziraphale into drinking wine. (If the timeline is right. Don’t remember if Job comes before the Exodus.) Also some reflection of the complexity of the ten plagues and the nature of justice in general.

Change of scene again. Aziraphale is on the couch in his bookshop, with a blanket. He’s muttering something about Ramses— it becomes clear that the Egypt flashback is his dream. (Part of showing how they’ve both become human in a way, since angels/ demons aren’t supposed to dream.)

Crowley looks at him lovingly— he can’t help it even though he’s rightfully pissed. Then he opens Aziraphale’s letter and his jaw just DROPS.

There’s a moment of “Oh my… Aziraphale.” (Which would be a good play on the whole thing Crowley has about using terms like ‘oh my god’.) Crowley looks up. He swallows. It’s an expression similar to the one he has at the end of episode six but different— he’s scared, yes, but clearly impressed.

The opening title sequence plays and we’re off!

I’m not sure what’s written in the letter, but it might be that Aziraphale stole the Book of Life— the Chekov’s gun we’ve had for a full ‘act’ now. With the Book of Life safely hidden, Ineffable Husbands can BOTH live out their ineffable gay cottagecore dreams AND change the institutions of Heaven and Hell.

This would make a good fic lol

#good omens #ineffable husbands #ineffable idiots #ineffable divorce #good omens theory #ineffable bureaucracy #good omens season three #aziraphale #crowley #gabriel #beelzebub #muriel #metatron #lgbtq #taylor swift #1989 taylor's version #good omens spoilers #good omens season 2 #good omens finale

[winepresswrath]

the flood->job->golgotha-> rome trajectory is so interesting to me because Job complicates what was previously a nice little mostly linear trajectory of Crowley and Aziraphale warming up to each other. There are ways the Job minisode fits in between the flood and the crucifixion (Crowley questions God's plans and thinks God's being a dick, Aziraphale initially expresses deference to the almighty's ineffable plans), but also it might actually be the most honest we ever see them be with each other and it's more intimate than anything else we see up until Paris or maybe Shakespeare.

over the course of that minisode:

Crowley learns that Aziraphale has absolute faith that he wouldn't hurt children (???)

Aziraphale gets confirmation that Crowley won't hurt kids on hell's orders. or adult goats, apparently.

Crowley learns that the sword wasn't a one off and Aziraphale will lie to heaven for humans even when he's terrified about what the consequences of those lies might be

Aziraphale learns that Crowley doesn't want him to fall and he can trust him not to report any indiscretions

They reach some kind of mutual understanding about the loneliness of their positions

Aziraphale experiences food for the first time and it's a very sexually charged metaphor.

It's a lot! a lot happens and then by Golgotha we're back to Crowley accusing Aziraphale of showing up at the crucifixion to smirk at the poor bugger and Aziraphale replying that he's not consulted on policy decisions. Eight years later in Rome Crowley still isn't happy to see him. Aziraphale is going to keep on insisting that Crowley is inherently evil and lacks the capacity to choose otherwise whenever that feels right to him. There are many reasonable ways this could happen and emphasizing the circuitous back and forth of their relationship makes perfect sense for this season in particular but still. i have yearnings. obviously the only solution is eight seasons covering the intervening 2467 years. this would be a good and artistically valuable use of everyone's time and money (to me).

#this is how mildly inconsistent writing/the natural shift between seasons/different writers can be enrichment actually #ok this next bit is just me giving in to my absolute worst impulses as a viewer #it's not actually inconsistent sometimes people just don't wear sunglasses. or they have a reason for not wearing sunglasses #and the audience doesn't really need to know exactly what that reason is #but it drives me nuts that crowley has his glasses on for job and then not for golgotha #aziraphale's 'but that would be lying' in wessex does not trigger this instinct for me aziraphale is consistently inconsistent #and also attached to the ritual of crowley talking him into things #good omens #good omens spoilers

[kotias]

Aziraphale, the angel, dances.

Crowley, the demon, doesn't dance.

From the beginning, they have both been playing with the lines between what it means to be an angel and a demon, and those are the little details that show it.

Aziraphale ends up being the one who brings Crowley into the world of the humans, and not the other way around. Sure, Crowley gave him the first taste of it, but he is the one, later in history, introducing Crowley to oysters, inviting him to eat crêpes in Paris, inviting him to the Ritz for the first time.

Aziraphale is also much less afraid of objects made for killing (guns, swords), while Crowley is very wary of them (never used a gun before having to do it for Aziraphale's magic trick).

To me, it shows that Crowley indeed only "sauntered vaguely downwards", being much more of the "annoyance" type than a real menace to humanity. He has a brilliant mind to destroy the morale of people, and kind of rips their humanities away by constructing long-term projects that put to shame any other demon, but he says it himself: the horrors that humanity does are beyond what he could imagine, or happen quicker than he can devise his plans entirely.

And in the end, when he sees that people are about to doom themselves to certain Hell, he saves them from perdition.

Crowley's problem with Heaven isn't that he is a demon and that's what a demon does; his problem with Heaven is that he doesn't understand why he deserved Falling.

And that is why he has such a hard time accepting words like "kind", "nice", or to be forgiven: those words always come when he is at his most natural, doing something as a gut reaction.

To him, that's not being nice, that's being who he is, and a Fallen Angel has been established to be "not nice".

He is playing a role, through and through, but at core, he is still an angel who doesn't know why he has been cast an Unforgivable.

It is his way of being "grey": he keeps his angelic values, but plays the part of a demon.

Meanwhile, Aziraphale's way of joining the "grey side" is by relinquishing some of his values, when he sees that they are flawed:

no dancing

listening to the Music of the Spheres only

no eating, no alcohol, no "material world" consuming

using the words "oh lord", "God", "by Heaven", "for Heaven's sake", etc. (note here that Crowley NEVER uses those expressions, or fumbles hard trying to use them but being very awkward about them)

He takes great pleasure in those things.

He is still a beautiful sunshine, who definitely loves playing the part of the naive little angel for Mr Anthony J. Crowley to help out, but he also seems to be the one initiating those little "games" with him, making the most out of their immortal lives together; because he is "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing".

(the gif below is his reaction to that compliment that Crowley gives him and oh my god I cannot believe some people can think he's not in love)

But that is where it is interesting: Aziraphale is probably the closest thing to who Crowley was as an angel. Investigative, questionning the Greater Plans and working as he thinks is best.

Crowley has some experience with being lonely and confused, and he likes asking his questions. That is, in fact, what pushes Aziraphale out of his "everything is perfect and jolly" state of mind and pushes him to lie to Gabriel eventually.

And that is the essence of why Crowley and Aziraphale are so attached to each other: they understand where the other is coming from.

All this to say: they have been feeding each other's light and darkness for 6000 years, at this point they're both the perfectly neutral shade of grey.

#good omens #crowley #good omens s2 #good omens season 2 #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #aziracrow

[starsandlightning]

Hi let’s talk about Good Omens

Warning: GO S2 spoilers

My thoughts on the GO S2 finale:

I’m not not into the coffee theory, and other theories like it. There’s a lot of good points being made in its favor, such as the soft miracle sound effect that plays when the Metatron hands Aziraphale the coffee, or how one of Aziraphale’s biggest motivations for saving Earth in the previous season was how much he enjoyed his earthly life and pleasures, and hated the idea of leaving his bookshop. Another thing I feel like not enough people have pointed out was that he straight up tells the Metatron that he doesn’t want to return to Heaven (because where would he get his coffee?) and then the Metatron immediately deflects by bringing up the fact that Aziraphale could appoint Crowley to be an angel, seemingly making him forget all of his objections. Also, the Metatron says that he’ll give Aziraphale plenty of time to think over the decision—yet shows up immediately after Crowley exits the shop to take Aziraphale to Heaven. That’s the biggest thing, for me. So, the theory’s definitely got some meat to it.

However, I’m not exactly for the coffee theory, either. I feel like, for a lot of people, the reason the coffee theory is so appealing is because they believe Aziraphale would never do something like that unprompted. It’s really upsetting that he would choose Heaven over a life on Earth with Crowley, so it’s easier to process if it’s all just seen as miraculous manipulation. But, if I’m being honest, this seems like a very natural progression for their relationship. Like Crowley says, he and Aziraphale have pretty much already been together for the past 6000 years, but they’ve always pretended that their relationship is something it isn’t—but that’s true especially for Aziraphale. It’s Crowley who initiates most if not all of their interactions when it comes to “the arrangement”, as they put it. It’s Crowley who has to push Aziraphale into saving the world by making the Antichrist a normal kid. It’s Crowley who wants them to run away together to Alpha Centauri. Crowley has never been hesitant about doing things his own way, both as an angel and later as a demon. He has questions, and when God refuses to give him answers, he decides, “fuck it. I’m on my own side.”

But Aziraphale never completely detaches himself from Heaven. He feels extremely guilty when he doesn’t do things “by the book”, and that definitely extends to his relationship with Crowley. Throughout the entire first season, he is entirely focused on changing the other angels’ minds about Armageddon, despite their insistence on going through with the war. He only goes directly against Heaven when there’s absolutely no other way. We see this in Job, as well; he can’t acknowledge that God would actually want to kill the children, and is emotionally devastated when he has to lie to the other angels directly. And it’s very apparent throughout the second season that Aziraphale is saddened by the fact that he’s considered a traitor to Heaven. Aziraphale is attached to Heaven and he always has been. This is the biggest point of contention between him and Crowley—literally every single one of their breakups have centered around this issue. Crowley has let go of the idea of Heaven and Hell. He’s selfish in the best way. But Aziraphale can’t; being an angel is a part of his identity in a way that being a demon (or an angel) never was for Crowley.

I think Nina put it best, in the end: “Look at you two. [Crowley’s] the hard bitten one, who can’t trust anyone ever again, and [Aziraphale] is the soft one who still believes in magic and people being basically good and all that.” Crowley’s disillusioned with Heaven, and he sees it for what it is. Aziraphale, however, still thinks he can fix things. He believes that Heaven can be the way he’s always imagined it to be, that it can be truly good. And he thinks that the best way to do that would be to do it with Crowley—but only if Crowley can be “truly good”, as well. Crowley, despite everything, is still a demon in Aziraphale’s eyes. He’s another thing that Aziraphale can “fix”. So while him leaving Crowley to return to Heaven was genuinely the most devastated I’ve been in years, it’s what makes the most sense, story-wise. He was cast out of Heaven, and because of that, I don’t think he’d ever have stopped wondering if he’d made the right choice regarding Armageddon (and by extension, Crowley). Because otherwise, Aziraphale would never have seen how corrupt Heaven is. He needs to do this, so that there is no doubt in his mind that the right thing to do—the good thing—is to go back to Earth and be with Crowley.

TLDR; the ending was brilliant, whether you believe in the coffee theory or not. And I genuinely CANNOT WAIT for the third season.

#good omens #good omens s2 #good omens s1 #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #good omens s2 ending #coffee theory #metatron #i love them sm #we just need s3 then it’ll all be fine #they’ll live in a little cottage #and love each other forever

[angel-and-serpent]

Aftershock

Unbeknownst to almost everybody, the world had almost ended. It was the kind of thing one should really be informed about, really. Nevertheless, mankind carried on, ignorant of how close they'd come to their end. An earthbound angel and demon, however, were only too well aware of how close their brush with annihilation had been. Not just humanity's, but their own. They had been condemned to death by holy water and hellfire respectively.

And yet here they were, back on earth once again. Not just amongst people, as they had been from the beginning, but with each other.

The walk from the garden bench was charged with emotion. Despite this, nothing of much interest was said between them as they made their way to their destination. They idly chatted, still trying to wrap their minds around the full enormity of what had just happened. They walked side by side as they always had, despite the insurmountable victory they had accomplished. They had yet to put into words what they were thinking, as their thoughts raced by too quickly to be comprehended.

The impressive exterior of the Ritz came into view up ahead. The familiar sense of excitement grew inside them; the mixed emotions of joy and fear of being together in public.

Once the initial reaction had passed, however, Aziraphale did something he rarely did: he entertained new thoughts. The realisation had just begun to sink in.

There was no reason to hide anymore.

A spark inside Aziraphale began to turn into a blaze.

As they entered the lobby together, Aziraphale felt something in his chest rise up. There was the entrance to the restaurant, just as they'd planned. However, his heart tugged in a different direction, one he'd quashed countless times. With each step, his instinct told him otherwise. That same instinct had told him to give away his flaming sword, to shelter a demon under his wing, to protect a unique child in his moment of need, and how to decipher a prophesy to save them both. It had helped him so much over the years, so why shouldn't he just...?

The restaurant host at his podium was within sight. All they had to do was walk over, order a table for two, and...

No.

Not today.

Aziraphale's feet stopped. Crowley noticed the emptiness at his side and turned. "Everything alright, angel?"

Yes. Yes, it truly was.

The host had recognised him across the lobby.

"Ah, Mr Fell!" He called with familiarity. "Will it be a table for two this afternoon, gentlemen?"

Aziraphale opened his mouth to answer... but the words would not come out. He paused for a moment, wringing his hands in contemplation. Crowley looked at him curiously and wondered if he should speak for him.

Finally he replied. "Uh, n-no thank you, John, my dear chap. I'm afraid I've... just remembered some rather, uh, pressing business I should really attend to first. Perhaps later. Cheerio!"

As he turned around to back out, he faced Crowley and gave him a brief yet very distinct look. Crowley understood, to some extent: 'This is important'. He gave the host a shrug, and followed Aziraphale back out to the lobby. If Crowley was unsure what he was doing before, he was even more perplexed when Aziraphale crossed over to the other side. The side they'd never gone to before.

"Excuse me, miss?" Aziraphale asked politely, if somewhat nervously. Both the concierge and Crowley looked up at him.

"Good afternoon, sir. What may I help you with?" asked the woman behind the sleek desk.

Aziraphale barreled on. "I'd... I'd like a room. Please."

He turned slowly to look directly at Crowley, through his glasses. He looked at him expectantly. "...For two."

Crowley's mouth fell open. He looked at Aziraphale, dumbfounded. Aziraphale raised his brows expectantly at him.

"Wonderful, sir. Will that be two beds or-"

"One bed," responded Crowley. He slammed down his very dark and shiny credit card on the counter. He replied to the concierge but faced Aziraphale while he spoke. "The largest, nicest one you've got!" He grinned dashingly, biting his lip.

Aziraphale's heart soared in his chest and he could barely contain his smile.

If the concierge saw their delight, she was too polite and professional to acknowledge it. Instead she tapped away at her keyboard and searched the monitor. "Let me see what we have. I'm afraid we don't have much available for walk-in bookings, but I'll see what I can do..."

Aziraphale flicked his fingers where only one person in the lobby might have seen it.

"Oh, well here we go! We've had a last minute cancellation for a two room suite with king sized bed. Will that be suitable, sirs?"

Both of them were lost for a moment, and had to be asked a second time.

"I'm sorry? Um, uh, YES! Yes, that would be lovely!" Aziraphale managed to get out.

"And how many nights will you be staying?"

They looked to each other, Aziraphale for permission and Crowley for confirmation.

"Let's make it... a week?" Crowley replied. There was a slight noise from Aziraphale's direction that might have been a gasp or a surprised huff.

"Allllright, sirs, bear with me one moment, please, while I put your details into the system. This won't take too long. Would you like your luggage brought up to your room?"

Crowley answered, "No luggage."

Aziraphale nudged him. "Nonsense, dear. Our, uh, suitcases are in the car. No need to bring it up now. We'll bring it up ourselves later, if that's alright?"

"Yes. 'Course," Crowley quickly recovered.

"That's not a problem," replied the concierge, not letting on in anyway if she truly understood the situation. "You can always call through to us at the front desk if you need anything or have any questions. The bellhop will show you to your room. Here's your keycard and a brochure to our available amenities, including opening and closing times of the restaurant."

Aziraphale was about to inform her that he was already well acquainted with the restaurant's times, but he was in a hurry to be on their way.

They followed the bellhop who led them to the lifts. The doors opened and the three of them stepped into the car. The bellhop stood in front of them by the buttons. To Aziraphale and Crowley, two immortals who'd been on earth since time immemorial, it was the longest ride they'd ever had to suffer through.

Aziraphale and Crowley hadn't made eye contact since the front desk. They still stared dead ahead, and silent as could be. What wasn't said was felt, though; the space between them was electric.

Aziraphale saw movement out the corner of his eye. Without even looking down, he knew what it was. Crowley's little finger was secretly reaching for him. Surreptitious as always, but shy and tentative as well. Aziraphale needed this affirmation, too, that this was really happening, and that they were together in this. He, also, extended his own trembling little finger. He felt it brush against Crowley's, desperately ready bridge the gap between them and to entwine-

The elevator car lurched as they reached their floor. Their hands snapped back at their sides as a reflex. The bell chimed, and they stepped out.

They were led down the hall and to their suite. The bellhop showed them inside, pointing out the rooms' features. Crowley sauntered around slowly, regarding the rooms with practiced disinterest. Aziraphale assured the young man that everything looked tip-top, and was perhaps a little too eager to bid him on his way. Finally, he closed the door which locked soundly.

Aziraphale paused at the door, as if he was waiting for someone to come bursting through and interrupt them.

It never came.

They were alone.

They had their privacy.

They had their freedom.

Unsure of what to do next, Crowley sat down on the end of the bed. The silence between them was deafening.

Aziraphale turned to face Crowley.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice unsteady and hushed. "But if I didn't do that... I might have lost all my nerve!"

The space between them evaporated immediately. Crowley instantly threw his arms open wide and Aziraphale rushed into them. They clung to each other tightly; not a space for even a breath between them. However, some things don't need breath. Angels and demons, for example, or expressions of true love.

A lot can be accomplished in a week. God created the World in six days and rested on the seventh. For an angel and a demon, they can slough off the shackles that held them back from being themselves. Walls can be broken down around guarded hearts, and the love within them can finally be allowed to flow freely. They can make the world they always wanted for themselves.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #aziraphale and crowley #good omens ficlet #ineffable fluff #good omens fanfiction #crowley and aziraphale #my writing #jumping on the bandwagon #me writes too #good omens fanfic #good omens fan fiction

[primrose-path-of-dalliance]

i think one of my favorite things about good omens (the tv show), and aziraphale and crowley’s relationship, is how cheesily slow-burn it is. the two of them have been gradually falling in love with each other over 6 millennia of accidental meetings, wiling/thwarting, and clandestine drinks. they’re classic enemies-to-friends-to-lovers: an angel! and a demon!

but good omens the show also has a field day with aziraphale’s apprehensions about the whole thing. from his side of the relationship, aziraphale is continually in flux over whether he really accepts how important crowley is to him.

aziraphale’s development throughout the show is characterized by his ambivalence.

he’s an angel, a servant of god put on earth to do good. that does not include associating with demons on his checklist of holy deeds. repeatedly, aziraphale reasserts his role as the angel, taking shelter behind the straight and narrow that’s expected of him, whenever he feels that that particular sense of his identity is being threatened by his relationship with crowley.

of course, aziraphale then tends to undermine his own assertions.

funnily enough, it’s not the demon trying to play the long game of tempting an angel to fall. it’s the angel playing the long game of dancing the line—trying to maintain the best of both worlds: his identity as an angel, his loyalty to god and heaven; as well as his friendship with crowley.

and let’s be real. crowley has been well-aware of aziraphale’s uncertainty for a long time.

unlike aziraphale, crowley’s not interested in maintaining a healthy allegiance to hell or lucifer in the way that aziraphale continually turns back to heaven, to gabriel, and to god for approval or solutions. he does the bare minimum to keep himself bodily and metaphysically intact—and perhaps glean some personal satisfaction from a job well-done, even if it’s a somewhat malicious job.

after all, the evil deeds that he favors? well...

take hastur and ligur, dukes of hell and model representatives of what the place idealizes. their deeds on the day they deliver the antichrist are tempting a priest with lust and compelling a politician to accept a bribe. hastur gleefully kills a nun and sets a convent on fire, while ligur thinks favorably upon the idea of ripping a person’s right arm off. they’re up close and personal. direct responsibility over the corruption and destruction of individual souls.

crowley doesn’t favor that style. when he corrupts, he doesn’t shove a train off its tracks with his own hands. he creates a highway that radiates waves of general ill will, or shuts down london’s mobile phone network to make everyone just a little bit more irritable. when he acts upon his duties as a demon, crowley doesn’t do any more than any other normal human might encourage as a by-product of living in the same world. his deeds are the equivalent of someone cutting you off in traffic, or your cell signal cutting out from non-occult forces.

he preserves free will. sure, he made your day a bit worse, but really, the only one making the choice of taking that out on the people around you is you.

and don’t ask crowley to kill anyone. because frankly, judging by his distaste for god’s flood, jesus’s crucifixion, being the one to eliminate the antichrist? he’d really rather not.

he gave the paintball competitors real guns but ensured they wouldn’t kill anyone. he set a bucket of holy water on top of his door to kill whichever demon chose to come after him but didn’t put any in his plant mister.

crowley doesn’t have an ounce of real dedication to hell. he was and has only ever been the fallen angel who sauntered vaguely downwards.

so in this, he’s the antithesis to aziraphale’s vacillation. crowley has no ties holding him back from committing fully to a relationship with aziraphale. time and again, crowley is the one who initiates their interactions, who does him favors first, who saves him from discorporation, for no other benefit except companionship. and this frightens aziraphale.

it takes millennia for aziraphale to let down each barrier. and crowley remains patient. he understands his reluctance to leave the welcome arms of heaven behind. even after their 1862 fight in st. james’s park, crowley reappears out of nowhere nearly 80 years later to save aziraphale and his books and rejects the thanks he tries to give. on the day of the apocalypse, aziraphale yells to him that their friendship is over, and crowley still comes back begging him to run away with him to alpha centauri.

but at the same time... crowley refuses to make it easier for aziraphale.

some of his pushback to aziraphale’s generosity can definitely be attributed to difficulties with self-esteem. he’s still done hell’s work, after all, and coming from a place with demotivational posters that are basically depression on paper won’t do wonders for one’s ability to accept compliments.

but being a demon—being a fallen angel—is still central to who crowley is. while he may not hold any loyalty to hell because of it, he’s also not interested in returning to heaven. why would he be, when they cast him down into a pool of boiling sulphur only for asking questions? when they’re just as comfortable as hell with killing innocents and starting wars?

so when the end is nigh, and aziraphale is trying to imply his own solution to saving the both of them...

aziraphale has just gone begging to heaven to put an end to the apocalypse. and they told him no. the war has to be won.

he still doesn’t have the nerve to openly disobey heaven’s commands. and in his certainty that heaven will indeed win if the apocalypse happens, the only option that will allow aziraphale to remain on heaven’s side while preserving crowley’s life is if crowley returns to the host.

this suggestion, though, is not one crowley is willing to take.

a relationship with aziraphale is something crowley deeply values. but he won’t settle for an aziraphale that hasn’t accepted the full ramifications of what that entails—whether it’s the fact that crowley is a demon, full stop, with all the implications therein; or that to love him is reprehensible to heaven.

aziraphale’s blind loyalty to heaven and his relationship with crowley are incompatible, a fact that he’s spent the last 6 millennia ignoring. crowley has been patient, trying to allow aziraphale to come to terms with it in his own time, but aziraphale couldn’t balance the knife’s edge between them forever. as the apocalypse approaches, so too does the conflict in their relationship come to a head.

crowley demands that he make the choice.

and once again, aziraphale chooses heaven’s will over crowley.

it’s only when aziraphale tries to reason with heaven one last time, talking to the voice of god themself, and has utter failure spelled out to him in the sky, that aziraphale finally accepts that heaven has no interest in the compassion and love that he and crowley value so dearly. the choice between heaven and crowley—was never really such a difficult choice after all.

good omens the show is not only a 600k slow-burn between two mortal enemies, it’s a very human tale in which it’s not the demon that struggles with accepting their desire for love and companionship, but the angel. while good omens the book is as fabulous a piece of source material as a show could wish to have, the show is the story that flips the archetypal denial of one’s love on its head. it’s the being of "evil” that offers the outstretched hand and waits patiently for the being of “good” to take it.

aziraphale and crowley face down against their respective superiors together, against lucifer, against holy water and hell fire.

and a nightingale sings in berkeley square.

#good omens #good omens meta #good omens analysis #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #prim post #prim says some things #long post #good omens spoilers #they're queer folks! #no editing; we die like men #(ngl. i really wanted to talk about the bandstand scene. i stan ''bad'' characters who are proud of their badness) #edit 7/4: i made a reblog and added more analysis on aziraphale so please look in the notes!!!

[nerdythangs]

Day 8: Ouija

The only thing I managed to squeeze out for Racket’s 13 Days of Halloween prompt list. Y’all have been wonderful with this. Thank you, @racketghost, for keeping it spooky!!

--

“I think you’re overreacting,” said Crowley with a big yawn.

Aziraphale scoffed on the other line of the telephone. “I don’t believe I am! You might have been asleep, but I’ve been awake and have had plenty of time to think about it--”

“Fret about it, you mean.”

“--and not only is there a global pandemic, there are locusts by the thousands seen in Africa, both Australia and the West coast of the United States have been on fire, and don’t even get me started on the political climate--”

“You’re making the idea of going back to sleep really appealing right now, angel.”

“--there’s just no other conclusion: we’re at the end of times again. Our head offices have not contacted us since we have retired, but surely, surely they must answer my call if I were to reach out.”

Crowley poorly stifled another yawn. “And we all know how well the last call upstairs went.”

“Yes, which is why I’m requesting your presence.”

“My wot?”

“Your presence! You said we’re on our own side now, and I, to be frank, I, I don’t want to do this without you.” Aziraphale’s voice, which started off strong, trailed off to an uncharacteristic mumble.

Well, fuck. Crowley guessed he was finally getting out of bed. “Yeahyeahyeah, no, of course, yr’right,” he said while throwing the blanked off of himself and finally taking his eye mask off. “Just uhh,” he sniffed and cleared his throat, and blinked blearily into the dimly lit room, “gimme a minute and I’ll be over shortly.”

“Oh, thank you,” Aziraphale said breathlessly over the other end, full of angelic sincerity, “I’ll make sure there’s a nice strong cup of tea waiting for you.”

“Nnn,” Crowley said.

A short while later, Crowley knocked on the book shop’s door and was greeted by a beaming angel. “Crowley! It’s so good to see you,” he said, as if he wasn’t expecting him. Crowley mumbled and walked into the shop.

“So how are you doing this?” Crowley asked, flopping onto his usual spot on the sofa.

“Ah, well, it is rather simple,” Aziraphale said excitedly. He picked up the edge of the ornate rug in the center of the shop and dragged it out of the way to reveal--

“An Ouija board?” Crowley took off his sunglasses to get a better look.

Aziraphale looked at the Ouija board, perfectly drawn into the floorboards of his shop, complete with an illustrated sun and moon. His face was passively blank and he was perfectly still until he began to blink and shake his head repeatedly, turned around on his heel, and walked straight to his ancient telephone.

With the angel’s back turned, Crowley could finally crack a smile, and his shoulders shook in silent laughter. He got up from the sofa and sauntered over to the Ouija board. He scuffed it with the toe of his boot to check that it was a permanent fixture.

“Yes, hello, Adam. This is Aziraphale, the, um, angel from the air base. Yes, that’s the one.”

In a fit of demonic childishness, Crowley hopped over to the A, leapt to the R, and then jumped over to the E.

“I’m doing fine,” Aziraphale said briskly, “Listen, there’s a reason for my call. I know you did your best when setting the world right after the Apocalypse, and I truly couldn’t be more grateful, but there seems to have been a mix up in my heavenly communication sigil that I usually kept on the floor of my bookshop. It ah,” he turned to watch Crowley skip to the Y, the O, and then the U, “it has turned into an Ouija board.”

“There… God…” Crowley mumbled to himself with a slight smirk as he stepped on each letter.

“Of course you’re not a celestial being, but I rather thought--”

“It’s… Me…”

“I don’t believe that Hasboro has the ability to call the Metatron.” Aziraphale began to sound a little tetchy.

“... M-A-R-G-A-R-E-T…” Crowley stomped both feet onto the T and beamed up at Aziraphale with a shiteating grin.

“Of course, dear boy. No, I understand. Thank you. Goodbye.” Aziraphale hung up the phone with a sigh.

Suddenly Crowley began to glow an unearthly glow and his body straightened to be perfectly rigid.

“Crowley?” Aziraphale asked, sounding alarmed.

Slowly, Crowley walked to the Y with a forced stiffness and blank look on his face, while darting wild eyes to Aziraphale. He then walked to the O, then to U, and the R.”

Aziraphale scrambled to get a paper and pen, writing down every letter Crowley stepped on.  “N-A-M-E-I-S-N-O-T-M-A-R-G-A-R-E-T-A-N-D-T-H-I-S-I-S-N-O-T-T-H-E-E-N-D-O-F-T-I-M-E-S”

Crowley’s possessed corporation then walked to the “Goodbye” where he collapsed into a pile on the floor, gasping.

He turned to Aziraphale. “What the FUCK was that?” He shouted semi-hysterically, with his gasps sounding more like panting with each breath.

“Your name is not Margaret and this is not the end of times.” Aziraphale read aloud from the notepad and looked over to Crowley. “Well, I suppose I got my answer.”

Crowley pushed himself up to a seated position and stared a thousand yard stare at the Ouija board on the floor.

They both stayed silent for a moment.

“D’you got any Scotch? I feel like I deserve Scotch after that.”

Aziraphale’s face brightened. “Oh yes! I’ve got a bottle of Macallan that I picked up a few years back that hasn’t been opened yet.”

‘A few years back’ probably meant at least 20 years to Aziraphale, so Crowley picked himself up off the ground and dusted his pants. “Excellent, I want four fingers’ worth to start.”

“Of course, my dear.” Aziraphale responded, puttering towards the back end of the shop. “And while you’re here,” he called from the back, “I’ll have to update you with everything that’s been going on. Did you know that they finally rediscovered that some books were bound in human leather? If they were to just ask me I would have told them about the volumes in my possession! Not that I’d show anyone of course, but I was there when they initially experimented with the technique, you know.”

Crowley shook his head as Aziraphale nattered on, letting a soft smile grace his face. This year might have gone to shit, but some things were worth waking up for.

---

Books bound in human leather: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/20/books/review/dark-archives-megan-rosenbloom.html

#I saw that book bound by the Philly physician in the Mutter Museum once #I like to think maybe Aziraphale popped over to the states around that time #bored yanno cuz Crowley was snoozing #and he happened to bump into that doctor #got talking to him about book binding #dr. creepy mentions human leather #Aziraphale takes an 'academic interest' in it #This is honestly the spookiest part about this whole fic #and it ain't even in it #anyway #racket's 13 days of halloween #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #fanfic #ficlet #my writing #my post

[quillyfied]

Mega Good Omens Fic Rec Post 5

What up, it’s back!

77 carefully-curated titles for your perusal today! As always, the fics are broken into the following categories: Jaunts through History/Canon, South Downs, Post-Apocalypse, Bus Ride/The Night Before/Heaven and Hell, AU/UA, Just Soft, Touch-Starved/Body Worship/Wings, Bonus, and H/C /Whump/BAMF. I don’t read smut fics but sometimes there are sexual elements to the stories and sometimes you get invested and then suddenly the author drops a smut chapter, so warnings where applicable.

Mega GOmens Fic Rec Post MASTER

LET ME KNOW IF A LINK IS BROKEN OR MISATTRIBUTED AND I WILL FIX IT RIGHT AWAY.

JAUNTS THROUGH HISTORY/CANON

1.     Get Thee To A Nunnery – Owenjones (T, the one where Aziraphale is put in a nunnery and needs a bit of a rescue. More or less Ineffable Wives time, but warnings for Aziraphale being forced into a female corporation against his will, that’s pretty icky (three guesses for who the offending Archangel is). Crowley is posing as a little lady known as Julie D’Aubigny, which, if that rings no bells, you should Google her immediately and then go into this fic cackling like I did. Very sweet, a fun little adventure!)

2.    Bibliophilia – @wingedspirit (G, the one where Aziraphale has a book nemesis and Crowley always seems to have the perfect book as a gift, what a coincidence. This is so funny, you guys, seriously. We stan ONE (1) oblivious angel in this house. And when Aziraphale finally catches on, it’s so cute, I can’t even. I cannot EVEN. Go read it right now immediately.)

3.    The Heart Goes To Heaven, The Head Goes To Hell – Dekkles (T, the one where Crowley has intentions of making an angel Fall and it kinda…backfires. Guys fair warning, this one’s version of Hell is really gross, if you’re squeamish tread very carefully bc WOW it can get a bit graphic. Y’know what’s also gross? The PINING (obviously not gross in the same way but the pining is awfully feelsy and part of it does happen in Hell). Watching this Crawly go from an honestly nauseating portrayal of Hell to watching Aziraphale and kinda awkwardly twitching in his light is so delightful and I hope for more in the future (though maybe less visions of Hell, I will be so glad if and when the fic leaves that place because yikes).)

4.    i like this place (it feels spooky) – @asideofourown (G, the one where Warlock manages to convince Nanny and Brother Francis to take him to a haunted house and it’s so cute. You guys. It’s SO cute. You really get a feel for little Warlock’s personality and how he sees things (and he sees ALL). Just a really cute “family” outing, really, and someone gets spooked at the end and it’s not who you think!)

5.    Doubt the Stars are Fire – LilithReisender (T, the one where Aziraphale bails Crowley out of prison and they spend time together in an Italian villa. This one has cool history bits, really fun banter, and Crowley actively on the job while trying to pretend he isn’t on the job. It’s a delight, and it’s just getting started! Jump on this bandwagon, folks, it’s great!)

6.    The Hellfire Club – @amarguerite (NR, the one where greater measures are taken to make sure Aziraphale isn’t promoted back upstairs. This one is so hilarious, you guys, I can’t even tell you which bit is my favorite. And the cherry on top? Wing grooming! (I can also tell you that something highly unpleasant happens to Sandalphon, if that sweetens the pot for anyone.) If you have a Thing for Crowley and Aziraphale being melodramatic and overacting, then stay put, friends. Also continue reading this list, there’s a few more that’ll catch your eye later on.)

7.     The Immortal Look – MickyRC (G, the one where Crowley puts Aziraphale in some kohl and it’s awesome. A written entry for the Prince of Omens DTIYS, and even independent from Prince of Omens this fic is a winner, in my book. Crowley going dewy-eyed over Aziraphale’s looks in any capacity is always My Jam and this fic really goes for it.)

8.    Merry & Bright – @peppervl (G, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley go undercover as a married couple in the Regency. You like fem!Aziraphale but don’t see it often enough? SIT DOWN, FRIENDO. Not only does this have a lovely Miss Fell for us to fawn over, but it’s a Miss Fell in possession of a fortune and surely in want of a husband, according to prim-and-proper London, and who better to help her out than one Mr. Crowley who happens to need some help on a temptation? Fun, romantic, and with a cute little twist at the end I shan’t spoil but you should really stick around for.)

9.    Putting the Endearment in Dear – @joyandotherstories (G, the one where Aziraphale starts calling everyone “dear” just so he can also call Crowley by endearments. This one is sweet and a little sad and has the softest possible ending, y’all don’t even know. Read it, the point in time where Aziraphale doesn’t have to hold back his mountain of endearments anymore is a sight to behold.)

10. Between the Lines – cyankelpie (G, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale’s feelings are known but not spoken, at least not directly. This one is a historical jaunt where they have a lot of double-meaning conversations (and Crowley is very rightly lost through a lot of it, poor dear), and it aches, you guys, it just hurts. Not finished yet as of this review but WHEN IT’S DONE—I’m sure it’ll be worth it. Hot dang.)

11.  No Matter How the Stars Align (They Make Me Think of You) – silentsonata (G, the one that covers stars that Crowley and Aziraphale have met under. Every once in a while there’ll come along a fic that shakes the ground as it walks. I understand the Big Bang events usually churn these out, and there are quite a few on this list, but this fic here? A masterpiece. Pitch-perfect in every way, just a stunner. I want to tell y’all to pay special attention to certain chapters but they all took my breath utterly away and it would be unfair to single any out over the rest, the whole work is a monument. Just beautiful.)

12.  Too Wise to Woo Peaceably – purewanderlust (T, the one that’s five times they see “Much Ado About Nothing” throughout history. I love me some “Much Ado,” personally, and this fic knows what it’s on about. Wonderfully romantic and ends with the single most perfect conversation, I swear 2 someone. Hits right in the feels.)

13.  Just Another Sword Fight – DemonicGeek (NR, the one that’s a 5+1 about Crowley swordfighting. If you’re here because Aziraphale taking on the role of the swooning maiden to Crowley’s dashing hero makes you, in fact, be the one swooning, say hello to your new best friend. If you like to follow all that up with Aziraphale taking charge when needed, I might suggest building a home here, because ABSOLUTELY that’s what you’re getting.)

14.  A Few More Rescues – @poetic----nonsense (T, the one with, predictably, a few more rescues. If the previous fic had you reeling and begging for more, welcome to the buffet, children. These are some really fun rescues by Crowley on behalf of Aziraphale, and they’re unconventional and historical AF (especially the bit with the dragon) (you bet your sweet keister there’s a bit with a dragon). This fic is so much fun and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.)

15.  Floriography – Frenchmeister (T, the one where Crowley doesn’t get flower language. The premise is, Crowley slept through a large chunk of the Victorian era, so he doesn’t know what Aziraphale keeps trying to say as they work at the Dowlings’ estate raising Warlock. He does know that the philodendron is a menace, no matter what it’s supposed to mean. Funny and nerve-wracking and so, so sweet.)

16.  The Interplay of Illusion and Magic – SoulJelly (T, the one where Aziraphale tries to join a magicians’ society. This one has some delightful history and Aziraphale trying to perform sleight of hand magic to get in a secret magicians club and a surprising twist near the middle, all told; it’s a lot more exciting than I initially thought it was going to be (I was just expecting some fluff and that was not all I got; it’s always a good day when Crowley has to come to the rescue).)

SOUTH DOWNS

17.  There goes the neighborhood – @bestoftheseekwill (G, the one where Crowley’s retirement peace is threatened by construction. If you’re here for Crowley wiles, anti-capitalism, and flashes of protective Aziraphale, get ready to take a load off because this is primo.)

18. Teatime Revelations – Cardinal_Daughter (T, the one where God invites Herself over for tea. This one is strained and it’s emotional and it’s all the softer for it. Aziraphale being quiet and protective while Crowley has a come-apart in the face of God is iconic, tbh; pretty sure this fic inspired a lot of my own portrayals of the GOmens God, looking back on it. A wonderful and light-hearted take.)

POST-APOCALYPSE

19.  Lose a Kraken, Gain an Angel – MistressKat (T, the one where Hastur has an expected friendship. This fic has everything—Hastur being a sympathetic character, the Kraken, Crowley pining after Aziraphale, the Antichrist, and is hilarious from start to finish. A fun and tonally accurate diversion, please read.)

20. Something Old, Something New – shippityshipship (G, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale are involved in weddings. Short and hasn’t updated in a while but still excellent reading, I find; great characterization, some fun OCs, lovely atmosphere, oblivious pining while everyone else thinks they’re dating, it’s amazing.)

21.  The difficulty with disposable demons – @areyougonnabe (T, the one where Eric the disposable demon shows up and it’s a madhouse in Crowley’s apartment. This is a really funny take on what happens to the disposable demons and why they are the way they are, and with the added bonus of driving Crowley up the wall and some mild miscommunications with Aziraphale that are all sorted out in the end.)

22. Care and Keeping – @arcafira (M, T, the series where Crowley is shedding and Aziraphale tries to help. Not rated M for anything violent or sexual, really more of a T than an M but there is a bath scene and a lot of self-loathing. There’s a lot of convincing Crowley to let Aziraphale care for him and a lot of working through Fall-related issues, but it leaves off in a wonderfully hopeful place.)

23. The Clockwork Days – redwinehouse (T, the one where the world’s ending again. There are many fics that have tackled possible sequels to Good Omens and this is one of the more tonally accurate ones, I feel; it’s very tongue-in-cheek and matter-of-fact, and the little twist at the end was a genuine surprise to me. Whack in plenty of mutual pining and a Bentley that has had it up to HERE with these idiots and you’ve got a recipe for a good little story.)

24. don’t leave me here alone – Elvendork (T, the one where Crowley asks for holy water again. This one is a tense argument, right up until it isn’t, and absolutely delectable, really. If you’re a fan of Aziraphale bringing up hellfire to go toe to toe with Crowley on the issue, BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUP, this one is dunking itself into Soft Town with that accelerant to really drive it home.)

25. The Next Time We Wed – seashadows (T, the one where a mix-up leads to marriage. If drunken mistakes and their aftermath is what you’re after, welcome to the party, folks, because this one’s a whopper. Can people pine while being married to each other? The answer is yes. Can it have a soft ending? Also yes. Can it include the mothers of such characters as Anathema and Newt being wonderful characters in their own right? The answer, incredibly, is yes.)

26. You Can’t Un-See A Dog – @holycatsandrabbits (T, the one where Crowley is summoned and there’s shenanigans afoot. I won’t talk too much about the plot of this one bc I don’t want to spoil it but suffice it to say that this one is hilarious and has some especially gratifying Ineffable Husband silent communication at play. If your entire reason for existence, like Crowley’s, is seeing Bastard!Aziraphale at work, then bunk down here, friendos, you’ve arrived.)

BUS RIDE/NIGHT BEFORE/HEAVEN AND HELL

27. Crowley, Big Bad Demon, Can Keep His Cool Around His Crush – @edennovik (T, the one where Crowley…well, see title, and then immediately disregard. Crowley cannot, in fact, keep his cool around his crush. Crowley is doing the opposite of keeping his cool around his crush. Crowley is a ball of anxiety and screaming pining gooey mess and Aziraphale might just like him anyway.)

AU/UA

28. If Not Now, When – @ineffablefool (T, the one where trans café worker Crowley strikes up a conversation with fat pretty Aziraphale. Listen. Y’all know ineffablefool. Y’all know he is a force that cannot be stopped or reckoned with, when it comes to Soft Fat-Postive Asexual Romance. So I do not say this lightly when I say that this is possibly his masterwork. There is a lot of good, good content in his catalogue but the emotional work put into this makes the whole thing stand straight up and resonate. It’s tender and respectful and handles conflicts of gender and sexuality with grace and gentleness and oh no I’m tearing up pls send help I’m DROWNING—).

29. Trip the Light – @summerofspock (M, the one where Aziraphale falls in love first. M for a sex scene near the end of the fic, second half of Chapter 17, so keep an eye out for that if you’re sensitive to it. Oh, y’all. This one goes through canon and a few scenes outside of it and the recontextualizing of those scenes as Aziraphale hopelessly in love and Crowley as oblivious is amazing. Even more amazing: once Crowley finally catches on and then it becomes Aziraphale once again in his role of holding back. Guys. Y’all. My DUDES. I am in the throes of agony. It’s so good.)

30. one love (only for you) – @weatheredlaw (M, the one that’s a vague Snow White AU. It’s truly unfair how poetic and romantic this one is, how lovely. It has fantasy elements and ridiculous vengeful brothers and soft, soft boys in love. A sweet little way to spend an afternoon, tbh.)

31.  in the house we remain – @commodorecliche (M, the one where Crowley’s a ghost in the house Aziraphale has bought. M for masturbation, weird ghost sex, and a harrowing backstory for Crowley; if you’re squeamish about sexual things and not good at gauging how to skip them, or if you can’t stand abuse stories, I would pass this one up. Y’all. Y’ALL. So thoroughly upsetting, this one; the horror elements are real but so is the romance and it’s a beautiful balance of the two. What’s wild is how believable it is; it could easily have been a story about Aziraphale just becoming obsessed with and romanticizing a dead person who used to live in his house but it feels like an actual love story, with Crowley learning how to trust Aziraphale, as well, despite their planar incompatibility. The ending is so unbelievably sweet. And there’s art now! There wasn’t, when I first added it to the list! Huzzah!)

32. pop! goes my heart – @areyougonnabe (E, the one that’s a Music and Lyrics AU. E for a sex scene near the end of Chapter 6 that’s a bit difficult to skip, since there’s a couple of relevant paragraphs after it that set up the next chapter, but if you’re up for the challenge, godspeed. First things first: this fic has ORIGINAL MUSIC RECORDED BY THE AUTHOR AND IT’S AMAZING. Music and Lyrics is one of my personal favorite romcoms, and what’s been done with it is not only accurate to the actual music industry, but accurate to the characters, as well. It’s such a fun story, adapted well, and the writing style is just charming. Fantastic!)

33. For the First Time in Forever – @nicnacsnonsense (T, the one that’s a Frozen AU. I am excited for this one, y’all. The adaptation is already so much fun and it’s only going to get funner. Aziraphale as Elsa and Crowley in an Anna-adjacent role (but not actually bc no incest) is amazing, the Olaf stand-in outshines the original, and the emotional toll is already pretty high. Absolutely worth a read.)

34. Sailor’s Omens – NeverNooitNiet (G, the one where Crowley’s a pirate and Aziraphale is his prisoner. There’s a touch of historical homophobia but that doesn’t matter much out at sea, really. If the boys being clever and bickering and also one-upping beloved series antagonists is something you enjoy, welcome to the party, friends. It’s a good old-fashioned piracy romp that’s sure to satisfy.)

35. Pomegranate Seeds – @nicnacsnonsense (G, the one that’s a Persephone and Hades AU with Aziraphale as Hades and Crowley as Persephone. This one has a unique tone and is also romantic as all get-out; throw in genderfluid Crowley, love at first sight, and Aziraphale being a sweetie, it’s a story well worth its salt, imo.)

36. Laws of Gravity – @brightwanderer (T, the one where Aziraphale invents pining for Raphael. Listen. I think we all know at this point that brightwanderer, or Atalan on ao3, has earned her clout as a GOmens fanfic heavyweight. She didn’t NEED to write an awkward and earnest Raphael trying to go incognito as Crowley into the Garden of Eden. She didn’t NEED to write about how incredibly awkward Aziraphale is while heels over halo in love. She didn’t NEED to have an engaging plot and a wonderful twist on the Temptation of Eve and also the most awkward and obvious besotted angels in the universe. But she did. And we are blessed. So go partake.)

37. Incubus!Crowley – GenericUsername01 (G, T, the series where Crowley is a sex demon and we get to see what that means. This fic threads the very specific needle I personally enjoy where sex is an element of the story and has bearing on it, but the story doesn’t have any actual sex scenes in it. I love this writer’s style and where they take Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship; I love the view of Hell in the first bit; I love all of it, really. A+++.)

38. Everyone But You – @summerofspock (M, the one where Crowley is hired to seduce an angel. M for some saucy makeouts and some post-coital afterglow but nothing explicit. If y’all like stories where a conman is hired to do a job and starts to have complicated feelings about it, especially if those feelings are falling in love with his mark, then here you go. It’s amazing as all heck and hilarious to boot; Crowley learning what falling in love is like is always a treat but omg. Poor Aziraphale. And the most DELIGHTFUL resolution, my goodness.)

39. In Mixed Company, or the Corporate Retreat of Heaven and Hell – @theoldaquarian (M, the one where Heaven and Hell have a joint corporate retreat every so often and Crowley and Aziraphale are doomed. M for some adult themes but nothing explicit. Y’all. TheOldAquarian must be stopped. They cannot continue to be so funny and engaging. They cannot continue to have the most corporate and hilariously mundane depiction of Heaven and Hell. They are a MENACE who, in the space of one fic, has packed all the pining of the ages in so tightly that when it finally bursts free, my shoulders physically relaxed and my spine uncoiled. This fic in particular is too much and too wonderful. I really must protest.)

40. Loosely Ballroom – marginalia_device, @mortifyingideal (T, the one where Aziraphale is a professional dancer and Crowley is a contestant on a show with him (for American viewers, think Dancing With the Stars). This fic is so good and so funny and so achingly in-character. I love Crowley as the washed-up old star trying to kick his career back up, I love Aziraphale as the put-upon dancer on his last legs, and I love that they’re both the victim of a studio gimmick and then decide that malicious compliance is their best bet. It’s still early in the fic (…at over 40k words wow it’s gonna be a monster and I’m ready), but it’s going to be so good already, I can just tell. There’s already some art for it floating around by naniiebimworks for the interested.)

JUST SOFT

41.  Repeat the Sounding Joy – @allonsy-gabriel (G, the one where they decorate a Christmas tree. This is a short and sweet look at what the holidays are like for an angel and a demon post-apocalypse and it’s so adorable, you guys. Crowley having FEELINGS and Aziraphale being fussy about his decorating, it’s just a treat.)

42. The Nesting Habits of Angelus Principalum – @obaewankenope (NR, the one where Aziraphale nests and is gently protective. This fic is quiet and understated and so unbelievably romantic without being over the top about it; it’s a quiet coming together that creeps up on you, much like how the realization of Aziraphale’s nesting habits creeps up on Crowley. A lovely little thing.)

43. we’ll get there fast and then we’ll take it slow – @tonyhawksmovingcastle (E, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale wind up faking a relationship on a couple’s cruise. E for Chapter 7, which is completely skippable without ruining any plot. This one gets a double whammy for both engaging plot and wonderful OCs that add to rather than distract from the story. Fake dating is fun enough but when you’re fake dating and also being wingmanned by well-meaning possibly supernatural sapphics, while also having fun in the tropics, it’s a recipe for a good time all around (at least for the audience). So lovely and sweet and that moment when Crowley and Aziraphale finally get together is magic.)

44. Road Trip Games and Love – rgfalso (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale go on a road trip together. This one almost takes place in real time, and has the most intense and emotional back-and-forth while these poor saps try to work out the Thing between them without actually talking about it for as long as inhumanly possible. Of course there are lots of road trip games, and of course those road trip games are a vehicle of conveyance for what they’re actually trying to say, and cue all the misunderstandings in the world. It’s frustrating and cathartic and amazing and the end especially is so, so sweet.)

45. The Most Stylish Wedding of AZ Fell and AJ Crowley – @leapoffaith1489 (T, the one where Aziraphale is determined to discard tartan for the wedding. Y’all. Omg. If relatively low-stakes cute wedding shenanigans are your thing, welcome home. If Aziraphale being pleasantly surprised is your thing, welcome home. If Aziraphale working through minor insecurities is your thing, welcome, truly, home. Featuring a lovely cast of side characters and a soft-as-butter plot.)

46. The Newlywed Game (Not What You’d Think) – @heavenslittlehellion (NR, the one where a game of drunken truth-telling goes a little farther than anticipated. Hello, welcome to the emotional gut-punch fic, you’ve arrived. The only thing that saves this from dunking into the last category on this list with the other h/c and whump fics is how low-stakes it is and how soft it is when they get past the unpleasant bit. People who love theories on what the Fall felt like, welcome to the table.)

47. On the Road to Love – Mizmak (G, the one where Crowley enters a motor rally race with the Bentley, with Aziraphale as navigator. While there’s great fun in Crowley and Aziraphale needling each other, there’s greater joy in their friendship and tenderness towards the other (and asexual bed-sharing fans, rejoice). It’s a fun concept all around and definitely worth the read.)

48. Mr. Fell’s Bookshop ficlets – @holycatsandrabbits (G, T, the series where Mr. Fell has regular customers and they love the place as much as they love its weird and eldritch owner. For folks who love seeing the Ineffable Duo through others’ eyes, this is a fun series to scratch that particular itch, and has spawned a number of spin-off fics, unless I’m mistaken. It’s a relatively low-stakes series, for people wanting something like that these days, too.)

49. Quiet Reflection – @shinyopals (T, the one where they have to duck into a church to avoid demons. If the phrase “spicy Jesus crackers” holds any appeal whatsoever, go read this fic immediately. It’s heartfelt and hilarious and really that’s all you can ask for in a good fluff fic. Also Crowley being held. Really, that’s all any of us want from life.)

50. Deck the Halls – forthegreatergood (G, the one where mistletoe should really not be this hard to get a hold of. Y’all you simply MUST stick around for the hijinks in this one. They are manifold and hilarious. Does it end in makeouts? Possibly. You’ll just have to read it, won’t you?)

51.  The Secret Dress – GlitterSkullFairy (G, the one where Crowley has a secret wedding dress. This one is very dramatic and sad…and then Aziraphale pops in. Like with all things concerning these two, it immediately takes a turn from there. If putting Crowley in pretty dresses is a thing you enjoy, have a seat and enjoy the show, it’s a softy.)

52. Well…That’s New – @almaasi (G, the one where Crowley doesn’t realize he’s in love. If oblivious Crowley is more to your taste, this is the one for you. Takes the concept “what if Crowley was in love but didn’t realize it” and runs with it for all it’s worth. Hilarious and sweet and wonderful.)

53. serpent, serpent-bearer – @elsajeni (G, the one that’s about horoscopes. I realize the Soft section of the rec list is for things that are Soft but hhnnngkk you guys. This one is so cute. My heart can’t take it. They’re so gosh darned precious, with their newspaper and their horoscopes and their welcome invasion of each other’s personal space.)

54. If Only You Were Mine – @somethingscarlet13 (G, the one where Crowley gets so drunk he can’t remember who Aziraphale’s husband is, just that he’s married. This is a little sugar shot for your day, folks—short, sweet, silly, and did I mention sweet? It is so worth having a giggle at drunk Crowley’s expense, please do read it.)

55. Cupboard Love – @copperplatebeech (T, the one where Crowley is a cranky snek. I would also highly recommend this for folks who enjoy Madam Tracy, especially Madam Tracy being utterly unaffected by being face-to-face with the supernatural and cooing over things like the wonderful lady she is. Fun and a little silly and a lot adorable.)

56. affirmation, appreciation – pearlwaldorf (G, the one where Aziraphale helps someone in need a little differently than expected. This one has Aziraphale taking on the persona of an interested male party looking to pick up the spirits of a woman on the tail end of a messy divorce and Crowley understanding but still getting a little jealous. It’s so sweet and so lovely, both what Aziraphale and Crowley do for this poor woman and how Aziraphale reassures Crowley afterwards. Top notch.)

57. Forget-Me-Not – @dietraumerei (T, the one where Crowley gets amnesia. Not as dramatic as others, he just loses 200 years and it’s temporary, but it’s ever so sweet, watching Crowley fall back in love with the modern world and be gobsmacked that he and Aziraphale are finally together. There’s a lot of reassurance and tender sweet nothings thrown about and I’m pretty sure I developed a heart condition just from reading this, it’s too good.)

58. They Shake The Mountains When They Dance – @copperbadge (T, the one where Crowley finds Aziraphale’s scar. Operating on the theory that Aziraphale was injured in the War in Heaven and that’s why he clutches his leg and limps when he’s discorporated, this is the sappiest, sweetest rumination on the subject I have ever read. Crowley gets so protective and defensive, and Aziraphale is so gentle in talking him down. On the whole, it’s just wonderful and so, so cute. Omg.)

59. Familiar Care – ginger_mosaic (G, the one where the Ineffable Dads have to take their snabies in for medical help. This comes from the Wiggleverse, which on the whole I cannot strongly recommend enough, but this fic in particular centers around the most delightful OC veterinarian who handles Crowley and Aziraphale’s strange family very well. There’s also a fun twist at the end, so absolutely keep reading to find out what that is. And also, immerse yourself in adorable snake baby shenanigans, because they are the best sort.)

TOUCH-STARVED/BODY WORSHIP/WINGS

60. Rituals (or the Seven Layer Bean Dip Approach to Sex) – SleepySelfLoathing (T, the one where no seriously metaphysical angel/demon sex is super weird. Fans of truly esoteric ethereal/occult mating rituals rejoice, for this is your new home. It’s abstract but no less beautiful for it, I think; the imagery and emotional accompaniment are all lovely, even if they don’t meet conventional human romance standards. You can really tell that it means a lot to Crowley and Aziraphale, the ways they show how much they love each other. A weird and delectable little dish, by all accounts.)

61.  Under Pressure – @copperplatebeech (M, the one where Crowley steals kisses. M for sensuality and body worship but nothing too explicit; also could be construed as dubcon kissing, for those of you sensitive to that. Hhhgkk y’all. Crowley thinks he’s being sly getting away with smooching Aziraphale throughout history while they’re both drunk off their rockers but does not count on Aziraphale actually remembering, and then once the Apocalypse is done with and they’re On Their Own Side and Can Aknowledge These Things…well. They do. Crowley is a mess and Aziraphale is a mess and they love each other so much. The writing is so tender and I’m CRYING.)

62. London Calling – forthegreatergood (G, the one with slow-burn wing grooming. There’s so much crammed into this bad boy and it balances it admirably—Crowley’s relationship with Aziraphale, Crowley’s relationship with Hell, Crowley thinking about retirement, Crowley getting preemptively banned from a certain European country for being a pest outside of its consulate, Crowley losing his cool over getting to touch Aziraphale’s wings. Humor, aching tenderness, the kind of longing that feels like a high, quavering violin note, tension and release. A beautiful piece.)

63. Elmie’s Ineffable Fireplace Fics – @almaasi (G, M, M, the series that is completely unrelated except for the physical and also figurative appearances of warm fireplaces. M for sensuality but nothing explicit. The first two are mainly short fluff; the third is a long Regency-esque AU with some gender and sexuality shenanigans on top of Real Danger and Intrigue. True to the writer’s promise, all three fics are pretty comfortable and warm, even if the third has some action and tension. They’re absolutely lovely, imo.)

64. The Hands Applauded (And This Was No Sin) – @ticketybye (G, the one where Crowley as a preoccupation with Aziraphale’s hands. Deals with both touch-starvation and touch-aversity in the same fic and weirdly enough it works. The fic is heartbreaking but it has a good resolution and that’s important.)

65. Moult – @sameoldsorceress (T, the one where Aziraphale molts and Crowley doesn’t. This is typical wing-grooming fare…right up until it isn’t. I won’t spoil the twist but rest assured that there is absolutely a twist. Other than that, it’s supportive and sweet and lovely and lord knows we all could use some of that right now.)

66. never get to heaven on a night like this – RestlessWanderings (G, the series where the Ineffable Wives are touch-starved and pining. The only reason this fic goes here instead of in Jaunts Through History is because especially in Crowley’s side of the story, the touch starvation is so horrifically visceral I very nearly bought myself a weighted blanket out of sympathy stress. They are both so afraid and so desperate for a bit of connection, the pining is absolutely ridiculous. And it helps that there’s worldbuilding there that’s both thematically appropriate and interesting to read. Engendered by lesbianism and catholic guilt, I believe the author said, and in this case what a delicious combination with an absolutely amazing ending.)

67. Strength in Modesty – flandersmare (T, the one where Aziraphale has a secret wardrobe. Y’all. I have a special love-hate relationship with clothes and my body and this fic somehow felt very soothing on both of those fronts. Corsetry is front and center, and it’s all very well-researched and well-presented. The story is so quiet and understated and is really told through excellent sensory details. The ending about broke my heart for tenderness. It’s a double love letter to Aziraphale and to fashion throughout history and I love it.)

BONUS

68. Tales of the Them – @lyricwritesprose (G, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale are the Them’s godparents, too. This is such a fun series, with a lot of stories that are not just funny in bits, but also meaningful. For fans of the Them and people who like stories about children that aren’t dumbed-down or grimdark.)

69. Stans in High Places – @doomed-spectacles (G, the one where there’s someone in the Earth Observation department keeping an eye on Crowley and Aziraphale. Another take on the angel(s) in charge of Earth Observation, this time featuring a singular angel called Grigori, and boy is he a cutie. His friendship with fellow angel Pravuil is also blossoming and sweet throughout, and the amount of innocent cuteness throughout is just spectacular. What an adorable story.)

70. Anthony J Crowley, Retired Demon and AirBnB Superhost – @theoldaquarian (G, the one where Crowley turns his flat into an AirBnB. Told as if reading a comment section, it is hilarious and paints a horrid picture of what interacting with Crowley—and Aziraphale!—is like for normal humans. I can’t give you any more details than that, you are just going to have to read it and laugh your head off about it like I did.)

71.  A Guide to Fame for the Enterprising Demon – @asideofourown (T, the one where Crowley writes a book and accidentally becomes a queer icon. This is…so funny. And so sweet. And like most fics where human bystanders try to piece together what’s happening and come away with completely wrong conclusions, it’s utterly charming. You almost start rooting for the internet conspiracy theorists trying to unearth what exactly Crowley is from his (presumably) evasive or strange answers to interview questions.)

72. Hell Of An Angel – WaitingToBeBroken (T, the one where everyone thinks Crowley is a mafia family. This one is funny in a dramatic irony way; the way that every narrator in this is CONVINCED that Crowley is A. a family of redheads that all look eerily similar, and B. extremely dangerous, is entertaining all on its own. It helps that the writing is smooth and the characters are all fairly engaging, too. A fun little diversion for your day.)

H/C /WHUMP/BAMF

73. the only one i want – @qorktrees (T,  the one where Crowley needs some convincing. The hurt in this one is real, folks. But so is the comfort. At last steps are taken to assure Crowley of how much he is wanted, of how much his love is cherished and his touch desired. If you cry while reading this, congrats and welcome to the club, we are all miserable touch-starved fools here.)

74. Always One More Time – boughofawillowtree (T, the one where Aziraphale has remaining psychological scars from Heaven. This one is tough, y’all, real tough. Aziraphale has a couple of abusive flashbacks and intrusive thoughts and his anxiety flaring up is a constant, so people sensitive to that should take heed. That said, this is a very healing fic, with a lot of underlying hurt that floats to the surface. But throughout Crowley does his best to be patient and understanding and even with a disagreement, it remains gentle and loving throughout.)

75. Smote and smitten – @nohaijiachi (G, the one where Aziraphale is a badass and we are ALL here for it. Screaming Hastur, briefly-sentient flaming swords, Aziraphale being amazing, and starry-eyed Crowley are all the ingredients chosen to make a wonderful little fic, and we are all grateful for it. What a guy, that Aziraphale.)

76. Nearly Romeo and Juliet – bisexual_dumbass (T, the one where Crowley’s hiding his panic attacks. This one hurts, friends. This one has miscommunications and fear and boundary communication, all while being so tense even the gentlest touch will snap something. It’s got learning to take care of yourself and value yourself and live FOR yourself. It is very important and I hope a lot of you read it because gosh dang.)

77.  Pigeon Girlfriends With A Long Preamble – SleepySelfLoathing (T, the one that’s exactly what it says on the tin. This fic has it all: humor! Torture! Terrible humans! Wrathful Aziraphale! Pain and suffering! Tenderness and care! Pigeon girlfriends! The Hurt and the Comfort are present in about equal measure, but fair warning that what Crowley is made to do just before his rescue is more than a little disturbing, both to readers and especially to Crowley.)

#good omens #good omens fic recs #mega gomens fic rec list #mega fic rec list #whoof #probably take a break for a bit #then start work on six and seven's reviews #and maybe start on compiling eight #why do y'all write so much fic #why is it all so good

[wanna-b-poet31]

Aziraphale and Food

So, stick with me for a moment: Why do we almost universally essentialize Aziraphale into a glutton? 

Like yes, he eats, and yes, to our knowledge he’s the only known celestial creature (Christs and Anti-Christs notwithstanding) to eat on screen, but he never really eats to excess. In fact, I don’t think he eats food because he’s a hedonist (I mean he is a hedonist, but maybe not for this), BUT rather because it provides him an excuse to be with Crowley. 

Sounds ridiculous right? It shouldn’t be right, right? We see Aziraphale eat alot over the course of the show, we see him enjoy eating, and we never see Crowley eat ever. So, it can’t all just be a ploy to be with Crowley?  Right?

I mean he certainly enjoys eating, I’m not fool enough to say he isn’t getting any pleasure from dining out.  Just look at his face as he appreciates the sushi! Joy! 

And this calm, happiness follows Aziraphale when later in Ep. 1, Crowley takes him to the Ritz in an attempt to persuade him to save the world.  And, to celebrate surviving the end of the world with his boyfriend best friend, the first thing they do once they’re free, really free of Heaven and Hell and their abusers, is going to the Ritz. 

So I’m not proposing that Aziraphale doesn’t eat, or that he doesn’t get any enjoyment from eating >I mean look at how his face falls he is When Gabriel asks why he’s eating food, proceeding to call it “gross matter”, and eating it “sullies” his heavenly temple.  It’s straight-up heartbreak, as Aziraphale glances down at his spicy tuna roll.  (and let’s not forget or excuse that what Gabriel is doing here is abusive) <

However, if Aziraphale’s interest in food is simply selfish or gluttonous, then we must have seen him eat plenty of times without Crowley or the expectation that eating would be a vehicle for their social interaction.

We don’t.

AZIRAPHALE + SUSHI

Just think back to the above scene that establishes Aziraphale’s character. 

This is the only scene with Aziraphale and food that does not include Crowley. And sure, he is alone in a sushi place, before being rudely interrupted by Gabriel’s garbage attitude. Crowley doesn’t isn’t there now, he’s not ducking under the table, or jumping out the window, or materializing himself anywhere else but there to avoid being seen by Heaven. So, clearly, this must be proof of Aziraphale’s undying attachment to food. 

Case Closed.  Diagnosis: Gluttony plain and simple.

However, if this is true, how do we explain his peculiar behavior in this restaurant? 

For starters, immediately after receiving his food, he’s striking a conversation with the chef -- a chef who knows his NAMEd, not Mr. Fell, not some pseudonym, not simply addressing him like another customer, but as a friend (at least an acquaintance).  Perhaps even more telling is not that Aziraphale and the Chef know each other, but that Aziraphale -- I’m a bit out of Practice is French IN FRANCE -- has gone out of his way to learn Japanese to converse with this person, treating him with the respect of a friend, not someone who is here simply for food alone. This is social. 

Then there is a small chime, indicating a supernatural presence has entered the building. (We hear the same chime when Crowley rescues his ass from a guillotine) And notice how unsurprised he is by the sudden supernatural presence. He’s expecting a guest.

Couple this information with Crowley’s behavior at the graveyard (he acts like he wants to get the hell out of Dodge even before he’s tasked with delivering the Anti-christ like he’s got a prior engagement) and the knowledge that the A40 goes straight through Soho.  

I think it’s reasonable to conclude that he’s expecting Crowley. 

Notice how he pointedly looks to his left upon hearing the magical chime.  We see in the next (below) shot, that he’s not turning to the door, but to a mirror.  So why look there if not because Crowley always is on his right?

His face instantly drops and an overjoyed expectant look turns to a terse, forced polite smile when he sees Gabriel, not Crowley, has joined him. And while he defends eating, we don’t see him eat (even after Gabriel leaves). I think, perhaps unintentionally, this is the scene that tells us why Aziraphale eats. 

Pretext.

AZIRAPHALE’S SOCIAL CALL, CROWLEY’S BUSINESS DEAL

Let’s look at the first time (temporally) we see Aziraphale broach the idea of food. In the early years and in Heaven, Aziraphale doesn’t volunteer any interest in food or social interaction. However, in Rome, things are clearly different.

>check out where I purpose Aziraphale falls in love with Crowley in Rome here<.

Notice how in the opening shot, Aziraphale isn’t eating. There’s no drink in his hand, no grapes in his mouth, nothing to indicate that he has been eating, or socializing.  When suddenly!! He hears a voice, and stops, his game piece hovering over the board as he realizes Crowley is nearby. 

Only when after he approaches Crowley, does food enter the conversation Hearing Crowley order gives him the perfect in, the clearly acceptable, casual social relationship that no one could question.  He can see that Crowley, like him, has changed and that the demon is giving him limited responses, barely joining the conversation. 

Aziraphale tries-- he honest to God tries -- to start a conversation without pretext, without some kind of excuse to join in the welcome, and frankly comforting, company.  He asks “still a demon” trying, oh so haphazardly, to make it about work, kind of like when someone is asking you about the weather, and it blows up in his face, earning him the wrath of his friend. He simply can’t be the one to initiate business conversations because it, as a pretext for their relationship, is always off the mark, and comes across as dismissive of Crowley’s demon identity. 

Only when he talks about food does he manage to get Crowley to open up, and accept his presence. He gives Aziraphale the all-clear to continue talking to him, and Aziraphale fucking jumps on it.  It’s extra fascinating how both parties leave this scene with two radically different uses for food. For Aziraphale, it is a safe pretext to get Crowley to open up, but for Crowley, it seems to be Aziraphale’s main interest, not him. 

Crowley also doesn’t seem to get that Aziraphale is not equipped to talk shop, and needs the security in being in a sanctioned social interaction.  Friendly talks like the ones they’d shared earlier were comforting to Aziraphale, getting him to open up in a way that no other character had successfully managed.  He means for this, and more importantly, he NEEDS this to be social. To be a kind of friendship, partnership, that he doesn’t get from Heaven. There’s security in being casual, social, and nothing more than that. 

However, Crowley can’t talk about himself in any meaningful way. He mentions he’s never had oysters before, his sarcasm missing Aziraphale only to have him be surprised when Aziraphale tries one last jab at the business talk. The “let me tempt you” gets his attention, but he doesn’t relax until Aziraphale, “no, I suppose that’s your job”, or when Aziraphale diverts the conversation back into their work.  

Both walk away from this conversation thinking “yes, I know how to talk to him now” Except, they don’t. Aziraphale doesn’t recognize Crowley uses their work as a catalyst, and Crowley doesn’t recognize that for Aziraphale food is a catalyst, not the product, he desires. 

A MISCOMMUNICATION

When Crowley asks for a “favor”, a work lunch, we can see how the two fundamentally misunderstand how food is being used, and how the other thinks food is being used.

The whole exchange about the crepes, boils down to Crowley opening the door with “remember that work favor?” and Aziraphale responding with “I don’t remember the work pretext, but I remember sharing crepes with you”. 

Notice it’s not I had crepes, nor is it a focus on the food itself. It is Aziraphale emphasizing the shared part of the shared experience, not the details (which we get to see by the way) of being rescued or of accusing Crowley of starting the revolution, and Crowley explaining that neither side had started it, but the humans had.  All Aziraphale cares about is their relationship, but can only safely use food as his point of reference because it allows him to share time with Crowley.  

Contrast this with how Crowley’s perspective. Even just asking if it was one of Heaven’s or Hell’s is cementing the conversation as a work lunch, reminding Aziraphale (and perhaps himself) that they’re only allowed a professional relationship, not a social one, and he gives himself the pretext of work.  Neither recognizes that there is a cross in the symbolism. 

THE SHIFT

Things do shift, at least for Aziraphale, and food works a second role. Romance.

In the 60′s Aziraphale doubles down on using food to facilitate his relationship with Crowley because now he explicitly us that, “He can’t have [Crowley] risking [his] life, not even for something dangerous” which I think means “I’m afraid of our relationship without the pretext and safety that food has provided us me.” The danger is having their mutual feelings of love being discovered, so he’ll give Crowley the holy water as a symbol of that trust.  

But when he continues as uses food to roadmap a relationship free of the pretext, “Maybe one day we’ll go for a picnic, dine at the Ritz” is indeed a literal example of what their relationship could be but it also acts as a promise that “Maybe, one day we can go on a picnic, or dine at the Ritz without the excuses, and simply be us enjoying food, not us using food as a safety net”. It’s a road map that he will continue with the pretext, and he’s alright if Crowley is tired of using it to be around each other, but he needs it, not always, not forever, but for now, it allows him the comfort that he is protecting Crowley’s safety (as well as himself). 

Crowley counters this moment with, “I’ll take you anywhere you want to go”  which I argue translates into “I will dismiss the pretext now in a heartbeat, I’m not afraid of the consequences, I could ‘eat’ with you now”, but Aziraphale can’t risk it. “You Go too Fast for me Crowley” is a warning that he can’t have Crowley risking his life for him. We talk often about how Crowley has self-esteem issues, but so does Aziraphale, he does not see himself as being worthy of such a risk. So, he needs the pretense of food to function without (much) worry about what Hell would do to Crowley if they were discovered. 

Unfortunately, they’re not speaking the same symbolic language, and as pointed out earlier, their wires are crossed. 

CONCLUSION 

In the beginning of the show, Crowley uses “no more fascinating little restaurants where everyone knows your name” specifically as a selling point, appealing to his presumption that Aziraphale’s love of food outweighs his love of the demon. He’s seen Aziraphale eat, and enjoy himself, clearly, at least Crowley thinks this tactic is reason enough to get Aziraphale to stay.  Which points to the fatal flaw of Crowley’s reasoning.  He only uses it because saying “we’ll never be able to talk to each other again” doesn’t even register as something he can say because he doesn’t value himself as enough for Aziraphale to consider saving the world. Food, however? Food has acted as a catalyst for understanding, but Crowley mistranslates “catalyst” for “produce” and presumes that because Aziraphale uses food to talk to him, he must love food, and not him. He’s wrong.

It’s not until they both throw out pretext and realize “shit, the song and dances we’ve been doing have not allowed us to rely on each other in the way we need” that they can move forward. And, after Armagedon’t they do just that, leaving the garden, and the remnants of their loyalties to other parties, and dropping all pretext, and just enjoying each other’s company as equals. 

Ending the series at the Ritz, celebrating their closeness is likely not the last time they’ll ever share a meal, but it is likely the last time they will under the pretense that food is Aziraphale’s central desire and not Crowley.  Sure, food is something Aziraphale mostly enjoys, but it no longer is an excuse. If he eats, it’s for enjoyment and personal choice, not a means for hiding or protecting Crowley anymore. And for Crowley, “tempting” Aziraphale to a bite of lunch without the expectation of a favor, or repaying a favor, removes his similar reservations about pretext. He no longer has to rely on work to simply “be” with Aziraphale. 

TLDR: Aziraphale uses food as a social excuse to spend time with Crowley

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk, next time I’ll write too much about Crowley and retraumatization

#Ineffable Husbands #good omens #good omens meta #fun meta #these two are in love #go #gomens #Aziraphale #aziraphale/crowley #crowley/aziraphale #aziraphale and crowley #Crowley and Aziraphale #anthony j crowley #anthony janthony crowley #crowley #love #goomens meta #aziraphale meta #crowley meta #food #tw: mentions of abuse #gif set #thanks for coming to my ted talk

[sunshineandchemistry]

the wonder that keeps the stars apart

Part 1 (Part 2)

Summary: 1967. 14 hours, 37 minutes, and 38 seconds since Aziraphale had given Crowley a thermos full of holy water. Not that anyone is counting.

Words: 3572

Crowley isn’t sure what brings him to the church. His feet, probably, but certainly not on purpose.

You go too fast for me, Crowley.

Ah, yes that. There’s a thermos full of holy water sitting on the table in his unbearably empty flat, and a knot in his chest that had simply demanded he walk as far away as his feet could carry him. Crowley scoffs as he looks at the group of people gathered on the green in front of the old building. Is this Her idea of irony perhaps? You can run, he imagines her saying, but no matter where you run, you’re running to me. He can vaguely imagine Her smiling up there are he wallows around in his own misery, laughing at his misfortune.

The doors of the church open, and a bride and groom stride out into the sun, the priest walking with folded hands behind them. Crowley tries to dampen the now familiar jealously that flames in his chest. The bride in all white, clasping the hand of the darkly dressed man beside her. He remembers the brush of the angel’s fingers as he handed over the thermos and he received it, like a sinner taking communion, two hands grasping the edge of something too bright to look at. He bites back a hiss as he watches the newlyweds float blissfully down the stairs to the cheers of their gathered loved ones.

He notices too late the priest has lifted an aspergillum into the air and shakes it over the crowd, exclaiming blessings of the Lord our God over the congregation.

The holy water catches him in the shoulder.

On Ao3 

By the time he’s miracled himself home, the drops have eaten through his clothing, through the skin, and down to the bone. Crowley collapses inside the foyer, clutching his arm to his chest as the holiness bites into him. It feels like he’s being obliterated piece by piece, as each atom of the divine comes into contact with the profane of him, and they extinguish each other in a fit of fire.

“Fuck!” He hisses through his teeth as the agony spreads from his shoulder down his arm. He’s keenly aware of every beat of his heart as it pumps blood past the contaminated wounds, each pulse pushing the searing pain from the couple of centimeters that took the direct hit. So he stops it beating.

He can’t bring himself to stop breathing, though. Breathing was a thing he rather liked. The woosh of air in and out of his lungs, sliding past his teeth and into the world and then taking air from the world again over his tongue and down his throat, tasting what’s around him; he’s a serpent at heart, after all. Last night, in the Bentley, the air had tasted, for just a moment, like everything. Like a crisp morning, like the first sip of tea from a warm mug, the petrichor after a summer rain, the burn of a vintage whiskey—Crowley chokes as he catches himself. No. That’s not the line of though he needs right now. Instead he closes his eyes and imagines standing over a seaside cliff in the night, the endless sky above, the churning sea blow and just breathes. A rush in, a rush out, a calming tempo.

It soothes his mind but does nothing for the pain that’s creeping in spider webs from his shoulder to his chest, to his right arm. He lays his head back on the stone floor, his back arching in spasms of pain as he claws his arm closer to him. He’s pretty sure this isn’t enough to kill him. At least, he hopes. The initial onslaught of annihilation seems to have slowed, no more holy pain is digging further into him. But where his flesh has all but evaporated, his nerves sing in anguish. He can’t miracle the wounds away. There would be no healing this, not without a trip downstairs, and, not to be dramatic, but Crowley would rather go back to the fourteen century than try to head down there now.

So he just lays on the floor, cradling his misshapen arm and shoulder, and considers seeing if he could sleep it off.

Not a minute passes before there’s the sound of footsteps rapidly approaching the door.

Fuck.

“Crowley?” Of course. Of-fucking-course the angel would show up.

“Ngk,” Crowley manages, and tilts his head in the general direction of the door. “Not a good time, angel,” he rasps. “Very busy. Demony stuff. You wouldn’t like it.” His shoulder screams at the angle he’s holding his head, and he collapses back with a curse.

“Crowley, what on earth has happened? I know you were hurt. I’ve been- well, I’ve been paying closer attention—”

“No, really angel, go away. You think I want you here, mucking up my space with your cheery good deeds? Go on.” He winces at the words.

There’s a brief silence at the door, and for a moment, Crowley thinks maybe Aziraphale has left. But then his voice comes again, slower, soft and hesitant. “… are you angry with me?”

Crowley bites back a hiss of pain. “No. Yes. For Go— ssshit. For fuck’s sssake angel, you just told me I’m too fast, and you’re here at my flat barely fifteen hours later? Can you make up your mind?” He squeezes his eyes shut and forces the next words out past his teeth. “Maybe you were right. You should go.”

And bless him, he can see the look on the Aziraphale’s face in his mind. His brow furrowed, his bright smiling lips drawn into a thin line. His soft eyes darkening in shock, and then hurt. I’m sorry, Crowley thinks as loudly as he can. You can’t see me like this. You can’t. It would kill you. And that would kill me.

Aziraphale huffs a breath outside the door. “I’m coming in,” he says in that blessed persistent voice, and oh, Crowley thinks with an ache that has nothing to do with his holy water scarred chest. Oh. That’s right. He’s a stubborn bastard. The lock on the door clicks softly. Crowley tries very quickly and nonchalantly to fold his jacket over his bad side as best he can before the angel’s soft footsteps pad over to him and he’s staring up at Aziraphale’s pained face.

“You weren’t exactly subtle, you know.” He says quietly. “Something happened. Even I could tell something happened. I’ve never been as good as you are at picking up when there’s trouble, but…” He trails off. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Crowley blinks at him. “M’fine,” he says, craning his neck.

Aziraphale’s mouth quirks deeper into a frown. “Then why are you on the floor, my dear?”

“Napping,” He responds easily, grateful that his large round glasses still covered his eyes. His chest and arm are flaring up in pain, the agony like thousands of fiery needles shooting through his nerves.

Despite the glasses, Aziraphale must have seen him wince, because his eyes narrow suspiciously. He toes one single oxford clad foot forward, pressing directly into the demon’s shoulder above his collar bone. The effect is instantaneous. Crowley stifles a curse, but his body flails away from the contact and his arm wrenches free of his grip. The jacket falls aside, and he’s laid bare before the angel, chest heaving, and tears stinging his eyes as he can’t help but let out a violent hiss.

Aziraphale’s eyes hover over the burns across his chest, and then flicker over to the table where the thermos sits carelessly in the open, and Crowley’s mind clatters to a halt. No, no, no wait. He heaves in a shuddering breath and manages to rasp out “Angel, no—it’s not what you think, I—" But a look of horror has started to settle into the angel’s eyes, and as they widen, the rest of his face contorts through disbelief and shock and settle into despair. Crowley’s traitorous heart thuds in his chest before he can stop it again, and oh, this pain makes the holy water feel like absolutely nothing. He would rather bathe in the stuff than see the grief on Aziraphale’s face or hear the broken wail he makes as he drops to his knees beside him.

“Crowley,” He starts in a wavering voice. “Crowley, my dear, what have you done to yourself?” There’s aching and pain in his words and just the uncertainty in his voice push the tears Crowley had stifled back to his eyes.

“It was an accident,” He coughs. “I didn’t—angel, I would never—”

“I trusted you,” Aziraphale interrupts. “I trusted—" His hands are tangling in his lap where he sits and his cheeks are wet with tears. He takes several gasping breaths. “—my fault,” he hiccups, before breaking into sobs again.

“No.” Crowley says firmly, reaching, grasping for Aziraphale with his good hand. His fingertips brush the angel, but Aziraphale recoils as if burnt. “Aziraphale,” he says softly, withdrawing his arm and clutching his shoulder, covering the burns. But what can he say? The angel is crying- crying! —because of him. Aziraphale is slumped on the floor of his flat and blaming himself because he thinks Crowley took the gift he’d given him and tried to off himself. What does he say instead? Oops, sorry, I was a bit careless and wandered over to a church of all places while I was trying to piece my heart back together from last night. So sorry. Won’t happen again. Now please stop crying, and also don’t take back the holy water, because I may need it in the future. And then the angel had come here and the first thing he’d done was give him the idea that he was miserable because of what Aziraphale had said. Crowley blesses himself under his breath. He did hurt. It had hurt—but that hurt was nothing compare to the thought of losing—of not even existing in the same world—

Between the pain from the holy water and the torture at seeing Aziraphale come so completely unraveled and distraught, Crowley is amazed he hasn’t just dropped dead on the spot.

Aziraphale is trembling, heaving breaths between sobs, covering his face with his hands and repeating again, and again, my fault. Each syllable strikes Crowley like a dagger in the ribs. He knew—he had always known that he would never turn the holy water on himself. It never even occurred to him that the angel may think that’s what he wanted for when he first asked. Of course this world was hard. Of course this world chewed you up and spat you out and just when you thought you couldn’t get any lower, humanity came up with new and inventive ways to destroy itself. He thinks back with a cringe to Spain, when he’d been drunk and unresponsive in a local cantina for a week before Aziraphale had found him. But even then—even then—he’d never even considered actually ending it, or even discorporating for temporary relief. For Go—fuck’s sake, even at its worst, he could always find something in this world to cling to. For everything horrific that came from the hearts of humanity, there was something delightful to counter. Fast cars, spiced wine, brilliant telescopes and satellites, fashionable sunglasses—

From the moment he’d stood on the wall of Eden, watched the very beginnings of humanity walk hand-in-hand into the world; the moment he’d heard an angel confess to giving away his literal God-given flaming sword; from the moment the first drops of rain had fallen from the sky and padded softly against his hair, his face, his skin, and he’d taken shelter beneath Aziraphale’s wing; from that moment, there was something for Crowley to keep existing for.

Aziraphale stands suddenly in a fit of motion. “I should have known,” he murmurs to himself, cheeks still stained with tears. His voice is rough with swallowed emotion. “I thought—” he hiccups and makes a pathetic sound between a sigh and a whimper, “I thought this would protect you.”

“Angel—”

“No, no I thought—I thought it was safer this way but—” He swallows and rounds on Crowley, with fury building beneath the tears. “Did I really upset you so?” he demands, voice breaking.

Oh. Fuck.

Aziraphale storms over to the table and swipes the thermos from it. “All I asked for,” and here his voice breaks and he’s crying again. “All I asked for was time, my dear, and….” He hastily stuffs the thermos into one of the pockets of his ridiculously old-fashioned jacket. His eyes focus on Crowley again, and they look him over with such grief Crowley’s mouth goes dry. He can’t move under that gaze.

“Please, Aziraphale, please—listen to me,” he gasps in a hoarse whisper.

He doesn’t answer Crowley, but he does take soft tentative steps back to his side and sinks to the floor once more, wrapping his arms around himself and settling into silent tears.

Crowley closes his eyes and heaves a deep breath in through his nose. “Angel,” he begins again shakily. “Love, please,” and here he reaches again, trembling fingers coming to rest on Aziraphale’s knee. Aziraphale makes no indication that he’s even registered the touch. “You promised me a picnic. D’you really think I wouldn’t stick around for that?”

His angel takes in a quick breath and chokes back a sob.

“You really think I would betray you like that?”

“Well, obviously,” He manages weakly. “You’re a demon, that’s what you do.”

And that cuts into him, into the heart of him, in a way not even holy water or a divine blade could. Every shred of torment from the holy water redoubles, knifes at him, and it’s all he can do to stifle a strangled cry. The tears stinging his eyes spill over now, unchecked. And why? He is a demon. Any demon worth his salt would jump at the chance to hurt an angel the way he’s managed to.

“Not you,” Crowley murmurs through tears, closing his eyes against the pain flaring in his chest. “Never you.”

It’s so soft, he’s half sure he’s imagining it, but he feels the press of Aziraphale’s fingers against his own. Next comes the angels voice, softer even still.

“That was unfair of me,” he says. Crowley turns his eyes to him. “I know you wouldn’t,” He continues. “Not… not like this.” He shuffles on his knees just a bit closer, until he’s close enough Crowley no longer needs to twist his head to the side to see him. Aziraphale heaves a deep breath, and lifts his hand from where it had brushed Crowley’s fingers and reaches tentatively towards Crowley’s face. “…May I?” He asks, fingers hovering just above the demon’s cheek.

“S’alright,” Crowley breathes, and Aziraphale slides the glasses from his face. Crowley squints instinctively as his face is laid bare. The angel is always so bright, and now in the dim light of his flat he’s burning like a sun.

“Oh, dear,” Aziraphale mutters, and moves to wipe his own eyes with the back of his hand. “They’ve gotten quite dirty, you know, my dear. This won’t do.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handkerchief and begins cleaning the lenses meticulously. “I…” He begins, focusing intently on his task. “I may have fallen apart a bit there,” he says unevenly, and the effort he is making to keep his voice steady weighs on Crowley’s chest like a brick. It’s already hard enough for him to breathe through his injury, and now his breaths come even shorter.

Aziraphale folds the glasses neatly and sets them aside. His forehead is still creased in a frown as he turns his attention to Crowley. Carefully, and agonizingly tenderly he presses a palm to Crowley’s cheek and wipes away tears with his thumb. Crowley’s breath hitches and he lets his eyes fall closed against the touch. Aziraphale’s hand is so warm, nearly scorching, but he presses his face into the touch anyway. And for a moment it’s the only thing he can feel. He welcomes the moment of relief. This is the burn of a swallow of whiskey, of warmth of the morning sun after a cold night, the heat rolling off of a fire in winter.

“Are you in pain?” Aziraphale inquires gently.

“S’not bad,” Crowley lies, opening his eyes and gazing steadily at his angel’s face. His brows are knitted together in weary concern. Crowley brings his good hand up to cup Aziraphale’s hand against his cheek. “I’ll be okay, I think.”

“My dear boy, for a demon you’re a terrible liar.”

Crowley doesn’t respond.

“Now, then,” Aziraphale continues softly. “Perhaps—” He takes a shuddering breath. “Perhaps I should let you tell me what happened.”

“Accident, angel.” Crowley supplies quickly. “I mean it. Wrong place, wrong time, a priest doing a blessing—it just happened. That’s all.”

“That’s all?” The angel smiles sadly. “You could have been—you might have been—”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t,” he hisses through clenched teeth. “It won’t happen again, angel, I promise, I just wasn’t paying attention.”

After a moment of looking over him with appraising eyes, Aziraphale seems to accept what he’s saying. His brows relax just slightly, and he retracts his hand. It takes every ounce of self-control Crowley has to keep himself from clinging to his fingers and chasing the warmth of the retreating palm. But Aziraphale doesn’t move far. Instead, he trails delicate fingers over Crowley’s collar bone, letting his hand come to rest softly against the center of his wounds.

The pain should increase, it should redouble at the proximity of something so divine, so holy, but it doesn’t. He can’t turn his eyes away from the angel’s face and the concerned and concentrated look that’s crept there. Somehow, the pain is fading even as Aziraphale blinks once, twice. There’s a wrenching pull in his chest and shoulder, like a fishing line has hooked into his ribs and is lifting him from the floor. He turns to look as his back arches off the floor, following Aziraphales hand as it lifts from him. There’s a feeling like something sliding, coming loose, and the pull releases, and Crowley falls back to the floor. And the relief the overwhelming refuge from the pain crashes into him like an ocean wave. And his heart is beating again, strong, steady and pulsing. He heaves mouthfuls of air into his lungs and both his hands come to rest over the wound on his chest and shoulder. Its damp, but when he looks it’s only blood, as if it were a regular cut or burn.

Aziraphale is standing swiftly, cupping something in the palm of his hand, and moving away from him in a hurried motion.

“Aziraphale?” Crowley calls, tipping upwards to sit.

“One moment, my dear,” Comes the call from across the flat. There’s the sound of running water, and then the angel is striding back into the room, drying his hands on a white towel that certainly isn’t one of Crowley’s. Aziraphale stops in front of him, and then kneels and settles back on his heels to look at him face to face. There’s a thin smile on his lips.

“What did you do?” Crowley asks, breathless, pressing against his chest to staunch the meager bleeding.

“Well, I took it back.”

“It?”

“The holy water. It was only a frightfully small amount, and not even a particularly potent bit at that.”

“Oh,” he breathes, and it seems woefully insufficient. His eyes meet the angel’s bright blue gaze and he holds it there. Thank you, he thinks loudly. Thank you. I love you. I love you I love you I would never leave you. Aziraphale’s mouth parts as a tiny noise escapes him and he flushes, as if he could hear Crowley’s thoughts.

Clapping his hands on his knees, Aziraphale smiles too quickly and breaks eye contact, and moves to stand up. “You shouldn’t have a problem taking care of the rest of that.” He says hastily. “Just, um. Just a normal human accident. Couldn’t be helped.” He laughs nervously, and runs a hand through his hair. “I’ll leave you to it then?”

“Course. Of course.” Crowley answers, masking his sudden disappointment. “Just, um. Angel?”

Aziraphale pauses, his hand on the doorknob. He looks at Crowley then, and if you could drown in a look Crowley would be gasping for air. “Yes, my dear?”

“Um, would it be too much to ask for you to, um.” He takes the opportunity to snag his glasses from where they sit on the floor, and slips them on. “Leave the thermos?” He finishes.

“Ah,” he answers, holding his hands at his side and fists and rocking once up onto his toes. “I suppose I couldn’t persuade you it was for the best if I didn’t?”

Crowley smiles weakly. “I won’t stop you if you walk out of here,” He says. “But I swear, on everything I am, you will never have to go through this again.”

The angel closes his eyes and sighs in consideration. But he does open his jacket, and takes the thermos from his pocket and sets it carefully, reverently, on the table beside the door. “Mind yourself, my dear,” he says, and it sounds almost like—

But then he’s gone, the door swinging shut behind him.

(Part 2)

#good omens #fan fiction #ahhh fuck I can't believe I done this #this is what I get for being friends with such an AMAZING WRITER i get inspired to write myself #help i love them #anthony janthony crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #emily does a write #i guess that's the tag for that now