#I MISSED U even tho its only been a couple f days

[anonbinaryweirdo]

why are you putting people in jars?

as a form of my love !

PUTS YOU IN JAR

#HI MOTHER #HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI #I MISSED U even tho its only been a couple f days #DID YOU LIKE THE DRABBLE #📬 letter received ! #📨 sincerely; rei ! #🏳️‍🌈 yui's spouse 🪱 #< my moonlight 3

[mrs-monaghan]

Kinda funny how all those years Jikook dressed alike, matching almost head to toe or in exactly the same outfit, this whole fandom wrote it off, even after RM asked them point blank if they were a couple. Then to hear when JK was watching Suchwita, ask why YM were wearing similar clothes, even tho their clothes really were nothing alike, but triggered him enough for a response, really made me laugh. I saw YM & TK shippers saying its cause he knows about YM. LMAO idiots, their clothes weren't couple clothes or matching, they were just too similar for JK's liking. Hey Suga, go try to peel off JM's leaf for him, with JK watching. I just wanna see something for research purposes. We always tease JK & Minimoni, but he also gets high key annoyed with Yoonmin, too.

Anoooooooooon why do you think JK reacted to Suchwita in the first place?? Yes JK is a Minimoni anti. That's been established. But he is also a major Yoonmin anti. Like big time and it's been going on for a long ass time. He he hee. JK is not a fan of Yoonmin moments which is why we don't talk about Yoonmin so shh

But also let's talk about Yoonmin shall we? Only because JK's dislike for their moments is underrated. No other reason 🤭🤭

Before we begin. Here is a compilation of Suga checking out the Jibooty. Tbf he does check out other members as well but....this is about Yoonmin. He hee

So! Off the top of my head exhibit A) this BBMA 2017 Live. JK did not take his eyes off Suga until he got off Jimin

First of all, there is ALOT happening on this live. Like alot. Which is why I'm not clipping the exact moment because you should absolutely watch this entire live. JK has a stronger reaction to RM being on Jimin but he also kept an eye when Suga did it 👆🏽

Exhibit B) Is my own personal theory. Remember in winter package when JK went with Yoonmin for beer tasting and gave up zip lining?

In what world would thrill seeker JK give up zip lining so he can go beer tasting? Now don't get me wrong, JK loves his liquor much like the rest of them. But still, it was kinda sus to me, alright? Could it have been satellite Jeon wanting to be with his man? Maybe. Still, knowing Jimin was gonna spend all day with Suga getting tipsy... idk. I can see JK wanting to be around for that 🤭🤭🤭

Exhibit C) incase someone missed Suga drooling during this

(Put your phone on landscape and u can zoom in and take a closer look🤭)

Exhibit D) do we really need to talk about Suga Vs Blood sweat and tears Jimin?? I'm sure we've all seen this.

Exhibit E) this segment. Jimin's letter said everyone should tell Suga they love him. Everyone did except one person..can u guess who? Even Hobi called him out. Asked JK "why didn't u say it?" 🤭🤭🤭

Exhibit F) should I include this? Coz I'm not seeing the difference here. Btwn this

And this

Moving on.

Exhibit G) (watch Jimin) Suga touches Jimin's ear and what's the first thing Jimin's does?

Also don't think JK and his grandpa clothes is not watching that through his periphery. Mans always aware of what Jimin is doing at all times.

Exhibit H) They're discussing Jimin's armpit. JK is smiling, quite big. Then Jimin asks Suga if his armpit is sexy. JK's smile is no longer anywhere to be seen 👀

Exhibit I) this was a favourite of mine. Ngl. Listen. People can deny till the cows come home. But JK reacted the way he did here for a reason. Memories 2021. JK looked away as soon as Suga touched Jimin's chin. Not before. Not after. As soon as Suga touched Jimin, JK looks away so fast I got worried about his neck there for a second. It happened. Anyone who said it didn't well... idk what to tell ya. JK has been looking away for years when something that he doesn't want to see, is happening. Especially after he got a hold of his possessiveness he started to just look away instead of acting on it. It is what it is 🤷🏽‍♀️

Last one but definitely not least is Exhibit J) this was a popular Jikook moment after this run episode aired. The thing is though... yes we gushed and we "awwed" because JK's ears moved as soon as Jimin started dancing. But you know who else's ear moved?? And he was the only one apart from JK that was affected by that 😏😏😏😏

I could do this all day guys. 😂😂

If JK is staring... so is Suga. If JK is checking out the Jibooty, so is Suga. And we have not even started on how Jimin is clearly Suga's favourite. Be it vocals, be it in general; always choosing him no matter what. And we haven't even talked about how Suga isn't big on skinship but with Jimin that doesn't seem to be a problem???

You guys think JK doesn't see what we see? Doesn't know what we know? Huh? How can he not? I mean, this was right infront of his salad 😂😂 kinda makes me wonder if he blocked Suga on purpose 🤭🤭

What I'm I saying? Even though we will never see Jimin reciprocate whatever this is, (Mans only has eyes for JK. Always has, always will) Yoonminers are the only shippers allowed to try to argue with Jikookers. Them and them only. And genuine Yoonminers. Not tkkrs who ship Yoonmin coz they wanna shove Jimin somewhere to keep him away from their ship.

Bonus: everyone is looking at Jin except Yoonkook. JK its okay, coz that's his man. But i'mma need Suga to get his shit together. Fr fr

#we don't talk about Yoonmin #jikook #kookmin #minkook #ask shaz #yoonmin #jimin and jungkook #park jimin #jeon jungkook #jimin #jungkook #bts #jikook theories #jikook analysis #jikook bothered

[kaitosimp]

hello kaito simp does this work lol playlist

teehee

Hi hi!! Yeah it worked!! :D Looking over it I only recognize starlight by muse so I'm excited to listen to the rest! Also it didn't let me listen cause it said I need a spotify acc so I'm gonna youtube them 😂

WARNING: THIS IS SUPER LONG CAUSE I GOT CARRIED AWAY WRITING LIKE ALWAYS LOL

The tiny glowing screens song is so cool! I just sat here vibing to it full on 🤣 The Kaito vibes hit me hard near the end aND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED WHEN IT WENT ON ABOUT BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING AND THE JUPITER/UNIVERSE THINGS, ITS K A I T O

OMFG ELEVATE MADE ME THINK OF KAITO OVERCOMING ANY AND ALL OBSTACLES IN HIS WAY CAUSE HE HAS DREAMS HE WANTS TO FUFILL AND HOW HIS GOALS PUSH HIM FORWARD AND EVEN WHEN HE FEELS LIKE ITS ALL POINTLESS HE KNOWS HE HAS TO FIGHT ON????? GOD I LOVED IT SO MUCH

Supermassive black hole has Kaito written allll over it 👁👄👁 Idk if its just me but it sounds like him being in love in a very funky way!! And also him dying/being in some sort of pain cause of the one bit "dont you know i suffer", ow :,)

I KNEW IT- I FUCKING KNEW BLOOD ON THE GROUND WOULD REMIND ME OF HIS ILLNESS AND I WAS RIGHT 😭😭😭💔 ITS HIM LIKING SOMEONE IN THE KILLING GAME & BEING SICK AND BEING BITTER ABOUT IT STG

Gravity's union is right up my alley, I really liked this one!! I dunno was it is about it but man, its so captivating 👁👁 I don't know how to describe it but I got Kaito vibes (and pairings vibes but thats just me like always 💀🤣) its got this whole feel with gravity and collisions that it just makes sense??

Another one up my alley, greatness or death, I loved it!! RIGHT OFF THE BAT I GOT HIT WITH KAITO FEELS, WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN???? HIM FEELING BEAT DESPITE THE HEROIC OPTIMISTIC PERSONA, HIM BEING SICK, BEING DESTINED TO FUFILL HIS DREAMS OF GOING TO SPACE OR DYING FROM THE ILLNESS, THE LIE HE'S LIVED BEING THAT HE PRETENDED TO BE FINE ALL ALONG, THERES JUST SO MUCH THAT PERFECTLY FITS HIS SITUATION IN GAME!!! NOT TO MENTION WHAT A BANGER IT IS, ASDFGHJKL THIS IS MY FAVE ONE

Rise above it- Kaito oVERCOMING ANYTHING IN HIS WAY AND COMING OUT ON TOP ONCE MORE, I FUCKING LOVE IT

Stellar is literally Kaito's love song omf :,)) ITS LITERALLY ABOUT TAKING THE PERSON HE LIKES OUT TO SPACE, SPACE IN GENERAL, AND BEING IN LOVE????? ITS HIS MF LOVE SONG BYE

Loud like love made is so good it me want to be in love 💀😂 It feels like the backround song to a couple doing fun shit at 3 am, so gUESS WHAT I PICTURED IN MY HEAD- SAIMOTA BEING DORKS IN LOVE 😔✋🏽

J u s t from the title of my hero, i already picture it'll be from Shuichi's/Maki's perspective @ Kaito :,) "there goes my hero, watch him as he goes" aND I WAS RIGHT AND OH MY GOD WHEN IT SAID "dont the best of them bleed out" IT KILLED ME CAUSE OF KAITO'S DEATH 😭😭😭😭😭

Ngl with space lord I giggled every time it said "space lord mf" asdfghkl 😭😭😂 The first thing I thought about was just Kaito being a badass and just crushing his enemies 💀😂 Cause of the bits where it says he left his throne a million miles away (in space) and just from what the song says, its him reigning over and being a badass space king 👌🏼

As soon as it said "i want to take you to the planetarium" in the planetarium song i automatically thought it was him asking someone out on a date 🤣 But then the 'faked sick' parts started and once again, I was reminded of his illness :,) It'll never stop hurting

Woahhh, using sounds like him learning how to accept himself and knowing his worth and overcoming his issues tbh!! bUT OFC "guess i missed coughing my lungs up every morning" ASDFGJKL WHY IS THERE A REFERENCE TO HIS ILLNESS IN ALL OF THESE IMA CRY

WHEN HIDEAWAY SAID "take the sky for example, a canvas of a billion suns but our local hero shines them out by day" I ALMOST SCREECHED- THE WHOLE SONG IS KAITO VIBES KAITO VIBES KAITO VIBESSSSSSSS

Lucky stars made me feel so s o f t :,))))) I dunno why but it made me think of a Kaito ship and them being star crossed lovers even tho its ironic cause it literally says thank you lucky stars :,) Its just so nice 😭😭

Man, I wonder what the disease song will remind me of 🥲 yEAH THERE IT IS, HIS ILLNESS OH MY FUCKING GOD I- THIS IS MY 2ND FAVE ONE FOR SURE, ITS LITERALLY HIM STRUGGLING WITH THAT SICKNESS AND ALL THE BAD FEELINGS SURROUNDING IT, IT FITS TOO WELL

Ahhh not the only one feels like Kaito trying to reach out and be there for the people he cares about while struggling with his own issues, or could also be him trying to convince himself that feeling down/sad/etc is normal and that he should accept any help he's offered 👀

Trust fall made me think of him starting to get interested in someone and taking that shit in strideeee, so the trust fall thing makes me think of him taking that leap of faith into love despite being a super new thing yes? 🌚

Mannnn, malboro nights made me want to fall in love like love like loud 😂 Kaito liking someone with a funky vibe for days!!

Taking off literally made me think of Kaito about to walk into that gODDAMN ROCKET IN HIS EXECUTION, DAMN 😭

I ALREADY KNEW STARLIGHT BUT I USE THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO LISTEN TO IT AGAIN, IT GIVES ME SO MANY KAITO FEELS ITS UNREAL 😭😭😭

I'm gonna fully pretend and convince myself the astronaut is about Kaito fufilling his dreams of going to space and becoming an astronaut in a non-despair au aND NOT HIM UP IN THAT ROCKET CONVINCING HIMSELF THAT HE GOT TO BE AN ASTRONAUT AND GOT TO SEE THE THING HE LOVES THE MOST IN HIS LAST MOMENTS-

Omfgggg for miles made me think of post-game Kaito 😭😭😭 BRO "all of our trials will be milestones on the way" "there's no greater love than the one who shed blood for his friends" AND ALL THE STUFF ABOUT LOOKING BACK AND BEING ALIVE ASDFGJKL ITS LITERALLY HIS SACRIFICE AND HIS LOVE FOR HIS FRIENDS AND THE NEED HE HAD TO SAVE THEM- POST GAME KAITO POST GAME POST GAME KAITOOOOO VIBES, THIS IS MY 3RD FAVE ON THIS LIST

Holy fucking shit I'm super sorry this is so long, I got carried away 👁👄👁 BUT IGNORING THAT, THIS HAS BEEN SUPER FUN AND I LOVED ALL OF THESE SO THANK YOU CAUSE SO MANY OF THESE ARE GOING TO MY OWN PLAYLIST YOU HAVE AN AMAZING TASTE IN MUSIC LEMME TELL YA 💜💜💜💜

#kaito momota #dude dude you have an outstanding taste in music #grade A playlist fr #so many additions to my playlist right here #STILL A LOT OF THESE KILLED ME EMOTIONALLY

[aw-eather]

Heather Watches SG1: s2ep22 Out of Mind and s3ep01 Into the Fire

Ah two of my all time favourites. Maybe even THE favourites. They’re just SO good. Also my shipper heart cannot take it but we love torturing ourselves here so lets go. 

I’m gonna try and do enough that y’all get at least one post a day and scheduel them to go up periodically :) 

This go very long so I hope it posts properly. 

Ooooh mysterious tank

I mean honestly this was suspicious from the get go

Don’t trust this guy

JACK

YOU’RE ALL WET JACK

Is he? 

Are they dead tho? Are you sure? Cause that sounds fake... 

You see, the year is now.............. 2077

CREDITS

Teal’c looks all big and scary but really he’s a precious boy

End credits

TERYL ROTHERY

honestly that device looks very Star Trek

Missed opportunity to make a 69 joke

Girl he has been asleep for 79 years he probably remembers shit all 

Good boy, answer nothing. Don‘t trust the random men that woke you up

thats not sarcasm, I don’t trust them either 

“the rest of the facility” riiiiiight

Wizard of Oz reference

38 teams is a lot of teams

MMMMMMMM sounds FAKE

DON’T TRUST HIM JACK

General whats his face just dropped something on the ground

STARGATE

Jack is handsome

Me: I’m gay

Jack O’Neill: Yeah sure ya bethcha 

Are ya just? What makes ya think Jack can help? he’s been asleep for 79 years

Tok’ra mind probe

Benefical alliance my ass, what did they ever really do for the Tau’ri??

Except promise to send a ship when they “had one available”

So thinking of Sam right now would be BAD Jack. 

NOX

I LOVE THE NOX

WHAT CUTIES

look at them, they’re so sweet

Jack stop thinking and showing them shit 

Could be a great weapon but the Nox are peaceful and beautiful and I love them

LITTLE GREY ALIENS WITH THE LITTLE GREY BUTTS

Thats a big ship

This is the only “look at all the shit we’ve managed to do so far” episode that is actually any good

Why don’t we meet the Furlings?

I wanna meet them 

They sound fluffy

I love the baby asgards look at ‘em so cuuuuute

Kathrine! You’re great girly

“Touch it” *Jack touches it without knowing what it does, could die*

Jack waving his gun to touch the molecules seems like a bad idea

Yeah let him rest stop bullying him

purple goop

stop the pruple goop Jack

purple goop is never a good thing

Oh look... ANOTHER tank

DANNY BOY

Please cover your nipples

I don’t wanna see your man nipples

A third tank... funny that

SSSSAAAAAAMMMMMM

Funny how none of them are ACTUALLY dead

LIES WE’VE JUST SEEM THEM

Get these people some clothes

leaving her wrapped in a blanket is rude

Blanket looks like a mat tbh

BRATAC

SKARRA

Daniels hair is so bad in this episode I’m not sorry its HORRIBLE 

He has a SHIELD Jack

FUCK YEAH JACK THROW THAT KNIFE YAS

HATHOR

I love Hathor hosts

She’s great honestly

Sam and janet and the girls kicking ass is the best

RIP Hathor 

No seriously Daniel’s hair is BAD

Teal’c

JANET

ah yes, unusual 

Teal’c is so passionate and caring about his friends I love him so much

THREE FUCKING WEEKS?!?!?!?!

janet is such an angel you can’t convince me otherwise

Are they tho? 

Yeah he would but Teal’c with do anything for his F A M I L Y

Well he will leave

Aw Teal’c I love you with my entire heart

That zoom in on the patch is nice 

YES JACK STOP THE GOOP

Nice kick! 

BYE TEAL’C I LOVE YOU

AWW THIS EXCHANGE IS SO NICE 

AW THE SALUTE BABE NO THAT HURTS MY HEART ITS SO SWEET

#SorryNotSorry but Jack looks so fucking good in this outfit 

Like... he looks sooooo good

God I am questioning my sexuality left right and centre today

But seriously can he dress like that more often? 

Go get ya girl, Jack!

Oh look... not the SGC 

WHO WOULD HAVE EVER GUESSED

Serpant and Horus guards! :O

STOP THINKING BABE

THEY GONNA FIND YOOOOOU

SAAAAAAAAAM

BEAT THIS GUYS ASS AND SAVE. YOUR. GIRL

O U C H THAT WOULD FUCKING HURT

SHOULDER TOUCHING 

SHOULDER RUBBING

SHOULDER TOUCHING 

SHE IS TOUCHING HIM

I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD FOLLOWED BY A MEMORY OF HIM NEARLY DYING 

SHE’S STILL HOLDING HIS SHOULDER

STARING AT HER NAKED BACK

TRYING NOT TO STARE AT HER NAKED BACK

HE IS SO IN TROUBLE 

HE FANCIES HER SO MUCH 

I MEAN SAME

she also looks good but like he looks better???

GRABBING

WALL HOLDING

HANDS TOUCHING SHOULDERS

PINKY CURLED IN SO HE DOESN’T TOUCH BARE SKIN

COULD HAVE MOVED BUT ISN’T MOVING 

THEY WANNA HOLD EACH OTHER

DEAR GOD

sorry I’ll stop with the caps

I just physically cannot with those two

i love them so much

and i hate how they were treatd

Hathor you idiot, 

SUANNE

LOL Jack 

Servants in the royal court? Yeah sounds great

Rude Jack

lol the pat on the shoulder Jack you dick

uuuuuuhhhhh didn’t notice before how HOT IT IS WHEN HATHOR RUNS THE IDC REMOTE UNDER SAMS CHIN AND THE LOOK SAM GIVES HER I-

ACK SNAKE

I hate them the same way Jack does tbh

they make me squirm

Give it to Daniel. Why is Daniel the only one that never has a snake in him... wait... 

sorry but I just wanna talk with the national captions institute... 

Alright! On to Into the Fire! 

DAVIS

MAJOR DAVIS I LOVE YOU

MY FAVOURITE

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH EVEN IF THINGS DO FALL TO SHIT WHENEVER YOU’RE THERE

Dramatic zooooom on Hathors name for E M P H A S I S 

CREDITS

I love how Hammond is like EVERYONE is saving SG1

How DARE you, Daivs. They are THE team, rude!

I love that everyone steps forward because everyone loves SG1 but also everyone knows you don’t leave anyone else behind. 

I love Hammond

MARTIN WOOD :O

He is a great director

Ew snake

Jack still looks fucking good 

Jack now is not the time for sass 

Give it to Daniel. No one cares

Sam is like “I’m not scared bitch bring it”

Of course it wants Jack

Poor Jack

Why is it always him?? 

You tried, buddy

Sam’s hand on his CHEST PLEASE JUST GET MARRIED

TEAL’C 

BRATAC

Sam literally hates watching Jack in any pain 

Poor Jack

Hathor fuck off

What exactly was the point of ripping his shirt? It makes no difference to the snake going in the back of HIS HEAD

Ew

oh gross

i hate it

I hate it so much

ugh the chills I currently have

Suanne Baun is super pretty though

YAS TOK’RA LADY

WE RESPECT AND LOVE YOU

Another Wizard of Oz reference 

Sorry Daniel looks so bad

its the hair honestly, the little dorky fringe

Sam’s hair, on the other hand *chefs kiss*

Yeah but he’ll be fine, Tok’ra lady saved the day <3 

YAS GIRL

NOOO Poor Tok’ra lady

Sorry fam, I forgot her name lol 

Sam pulling that jacket on, Sam in a jacket thats a little too big for her , Sam in a white shirt.. Sam

Yeah they are Teal’c. 

Dead and false and dead... or is he???

Hand dance

Energy barrier is in the way, boys continue to shoot

oh no shooting towers of death are never a good sign

And of course Daniel got hurt so we have to baby him for the rest of the fucking episode jfc just sit him down somewhere and Sam and the rest of the teams can do the hard work... again

Cool Tok’ra tunnels are Cool

Lol Daniel being sassy (oh its just a deep, bleeding gash, it’ll be fine) lol sorry he is funny when he’s sassy

I’m sick of your army already, Hathor

OOOOH a barrier 

Hammond is awaiting 

Why do they give them such short time periods to do shit? Like they know things go wrong literally ALL THE TIME 

Like “hi you have 24 hours to go into a SECURE, GOA’ULD FACILITY, RETRIEVE THREE SG MEMBERS AND GET OUT. PIECE.OF.CAKE”

6 hours is a long time to sit on your hands and do nothing tho. Ah well might as well go and save the boyfriend

The president can suck a rotten potatoe

Davis, you can’t really argue with him, he outranks you about 4 times

Sam’s sleeves are too long and baggy and its SO CUTE

GO SAM

SAVE THE DAY

BUT SAVE YOUR BOYFRIEND FIRST 

Hammond visiting Chulak 

because he’s an angel baby

and the best dad ever to his four kids; Major Dr Science Space Baby, Sassy Grumpy Fruit Loop and Sam Carter Loving Space Baby, Warrior Gentle Giant Space Baby and Annoying, Doesn’t know shit, Archaeologist Space Baby.

Yas Teal’c, spill that tea

I will join you, bb

Hammond in a toga will also join you cause he a babe

and he needs your help cause Davis said No. 

HAMMOND OF TEXAS IS MY FAVOURITE THING EVER I LOVE IT 

Sam: I’m gonna go and shut this shield down

Sam: but not until I have tried to save my Future Husband. 

Poor Tok’ra lady

Hand on chest again

Fucking Hathor man

Go away boo, you’re ruining the moment 

Stop hurting Sam

YAS JACK FUCK YES I LOVE THAT

I love his response to it too

Like the shock and fear

This hug goes on a long time

I know he’s cold or whatever but like... 

and I know he’s in shock and so is she a bit

he’s doing it for her as much as him

but they’re STILL hugging

They literally never do this again

Its so sweet because after this its just... nothing? Like POV happens and then Upgrade and Divide and Conquer and they go ah fuck we can’t hug anymore so all we get is platonic shoulder holding and using shoulders as pillows. The closes we get to a hug is Death Knell and emotional trauma Threads. I want a REAL hug

And he holds her arms for ages and helps her up

Wow they’re so fucking in love this hurts

“Found ‘em” Jack stop so cute

C4! Who’d have thought it

Ah shit they’re surrounded 

He still looks good

They BOTH look good 

They make a great couple 

Nope, not really but its what ya got so you’re gonna have to deal with it

This general guy is a bit of a dick

Thats right Sam, don’t listen. Good job, Danny boy.

Only 1? Thats not a lot of time

Get out there, Jack! Buy that time

Gun Bum! (if you know Sanctuary, you’ll get it)

He’s really not doing a great job of pretending to be a Goa’uld

Its really not impossible 

ex-goddess lol 

“She’s Gone. She is no more.” I’m honestly shocked people didn’t shoot him more often 

I love him tho

Thank god, thats good timing

Hammond is IN. HIS. ELEMENT 

There is no way she heard hiom say now but she still knew. I love them. I love how well they know each other and they’ve only known each other a little over two years

Time to KICK SOME ASS

JAFFA YAS

ooh coming in from behind, sneaky

YEEHAW

OH HAMMOND YOU PRECIOUS BABY

Sam going straight to Jack and it looks like she goes to put her arm around him. 

I hate them ffs

Bra’tac and Human fuck me thats so cute

Sam’s smile when they see Teal’c and Hammond is Gorgeous

and Hammond patting her on the back! stop! I love Space Dad and his idiot Space babies. 

Final Thoughts:

Seriously guys this is my favourite Final and First eps of a season. 

100% one of my favourite two parters, if not my all time favourite two parter

Great direction, good story, excellent bad guys, good acting, just enough suspense with out being too drawn out, something for everyone, comes of the back of a fun as fuck episode (1969), Hammond has a big part, Davis is there, lots of cute Sam/Jack and of course, Daniel’s Elf Hair. 

Also the Tok’ra are actually useful in this one which is SHOCKING 

Lemme know your thoghts friends, I’m excited to hear them! 

#Stargate SG1 #Stargate #SG1 #SG1: Out of Mind #SG1: Into the Fire #Samantha Carter #Jack O'Neill #Daniel Jackson #Teal'c #Hathor #Suanne Braun #Amanda Tapping #ATapps #AT #Richard Dean Anderson #RDA #Michael Shanks #Christopher Judge #Mudblood-and-proud watches #my faves #no seriously #i fucking love em

[floorbed]

7 19 23 35 40 52 69 for The Jester and The Crimegirl

thank you so much bee omg i loved the questions u made sm!!! time for Them. this is super super long im sorry njdkkfkrenkjr

7. which party member do they understand the least?

for pen it is probably alba if he had to pick anyone? just because he can do Crazy Shit Sometimes. but pen still feels like he understands him v well!!

for agni its probably elvira! she is from a place she knows next to nothing about besides what elvira’s explained or what she’s learned from school, she is 100+ years old, yeah! while agni doesnt like fully Understand her she still thinks she’s really cool!! it was rlly nice of her to try and comfort her when she initially found out abt Rei Time. and also knitted her a pretty holster that was so nice of her!!

19. what haunts them? what doesn’t?

pen’s is home. so mf much he genuinely loves his party a lot and has gotten really attached but also like he misses home so bad it hurts. he felt like he was an intrinsic part of something that he fit perfectly and was never gonna have to give up, and he got to be w everyone he cared about all day. he’s haunted by mikolai’s wedding lol. he’s also haunted by The Shit That Went Down Pertaining To His Exile, His Subsequent Exile, Making the Pact,  Dying, Making The Pact Pt 2, The Thing He Had To Do After He Made The Pact, And Then Also Dying Again. he’s haunted by holding ori dead in his arms and bringing her back using power he now understands was from a Not That Great Place. he barely knew her then but he still thought about it all the time, and now he thinks abt it even more lol! he just is not used to life being. Like This. at all. he was a vvvvvv spoiled kid. (some nobility complex part of him is haunted by lydia! stupid jester!) 

he’s not haunted by everyone he’s been a bitch to lol, unless he vocally apologized for it later nfjnf. he’s not haunted by vargas. uh

agni is not haunted by most things and That’s On her super healthy coping mechanism! she tries to not think about her personal life with that much weight, she tries to keep it abstract in her head? but also there are some things she can’t help but get Unnamed Bad Feeling from instinctively. rei. w how last session fucking turned out lol, watching seras collapse in the doorway Will Def Become One. Moms Time, both for individual reasons. sometimes, not being accomplished, but that also filters into Moms Time. everything else tho she kind of just vibes through. 

23. how do they feel about nicknames, titles, or labels that have been given to them? how do they feel about their name?

pens Official Title is penance the jester, court jester of tarbyen (and he makes sure no one forgets it lol.) everyone he grew up around had official titles so it made him feel realllyyy good abt himself that he had one too! (he likes that the party’s nicknamed him pen tho, he thinks its sweet >:) ) his Name name is camil, but only his mom n mikolai called him that, so he thinks its very like..... informal, and he likes being a Formal Title Boy, but also it makes him go all soft bc the two ppl he loved most called him that!! conflicting feelings. 

agni’s had her nickname since she was really young i think, one of those like, you’re in fantasy kindergarten and learning how to spell and your first name is rlly long, so u employ a nickname very early Kind Of Moments. her full name is agnodice and she likes it well enough! it feels very kind of like. stiff and formal to her tho. she thinks agni suits her better!

35. which party member do they worry for?

pen worries for All Of Them. he tries to follow juni when he’s having one of his (as pen puts it) “freak out moments” bc he’s scared someday it’s going to be something that really hurts him, and he wants to be there to help if it does. pen has fully accidentally triggered ori before, and he feels really bad about it, especially since her triggers literally Set Her On Fire. so you know. he tries to be really careful with his words around her, especially since the incident a couple sessions ago. also, he is Very Concerned abt all of her past stuff with the mahne that he’s recently learned abt, especially putting together all the past knowledge she’s given him abt the river and what to do in a pact and Where Exactly She Got That Info From. he’s grateful she’s not in any of that anymore, though, whatever the mahne is exactly. alba’s impulsivity worries pen n he wants to make sure alba doesnt accidentally Put Himself In A Situation accidentally w that someday. 

agni worries for theodosia, just because she seems to know a lot about the fucked up illness time thats going on and it seems to rlly effect her and she knows it cld be coming from prior past experience? she also worries for cyrus because of the whole you know. his family’s shop and home being burned to the ground Situation, even though theyve since recovered it couldnt have been good for him. worries for kai, also, because he is Small Baby Boy. but worries as in like. does so in her agni way and it may not come across as such?

40. do they enjoy poetry?

pen loves poetry he heard a lot of epics at home!! the stories were Less fun when it was about like, war and bloodshed and stuff, but he loved them when they were all pretty n flowery or like romantic 🥺

agni likes hearing poetry recited, especially when it has a specific repetitive syllable pattern she can get lost in!

52. from whom do they seek validation?

pen simply be like [wants validation from nobility noises]. its his Complexes. thats why being @ ravenloft rn is so... bad for him lol bc hes getting like all the positive attention from important people hes wanted for his entire life, oops. hes literally living out a dream being asked to dance with someone so important!! he also seeks validation a lot from like powerpful women bc of growing up with his mom and how much he looked up to her and cared about her, which manifests itself a lot w wanting attention from ori and jenny (and previously w lady wachter lol) and also the lady of delights. 

growing up agni sought validation from her mothers n instructors, now (while she still wants momsvalidation) she looks for validation mostly from herself, which is kind of bad bc she never feels fully satiated w her work n accomplishments! 

69. how would they describe their party members?

for pen: ori feels like an older sister to him, hes too scared to express as much, but yeah! she is warm (he means figuratively but also lol) and Kind and Competent and Smart and above all, Safe. he defintely feels like, the safest with her than anyone else he’s encountered in his life, both i mean in the physical protection sense but moreso the emotional sense! yeah. juni is.,, complicated. at first pen was uhhh scared of him bc of the whole Sorcerer Thing, but after all of them talked abt it at jenny’s, that feeling passed and he was more just concerned for him than anything. he is Powerful and Pretty and even though he’s been thru a lot of things pen himself cant even comprehend juni’s still Soft and Understanding and pen really admires that about him! alba is Also Complicated, for different reasons. pen thinks he is Reckless and Impulsive but also Smart in his own little scheme way, and pen really appreciates him as like a constant in his life? like yeah, he is scary and concerning sometimes but he’s always Predictably as such and while pen doesn’t see alba as all that loyal in general pen is kind of blind to that stuff when it comes to ppl in relation to him, so he’s just glad he’s met someone that wants to stick with him.

for agni: cyrus is so nice to her!! he feels like a capital f Friend in her head and so far like. she’s only had one of those before so thats really cool!! he helps her out a lot and she tries to do what she can to be there for him too! it was nice of him to teach her abt Beach Swimming. theo is really cool and agni loves seeing her in her element doing Medicine Stuff she thinks she is really smart w that kind of thing and rlly respects her practice, agni’s also very interested in her magic!! she thinks dendy is small little lizard guy who sings silly songs. greatly appreciates him. she wld follow kai blindly into terrible plans because she wants to make sure this cool teen is alright , is thankful to know he can turn into a bear at will and she didnt do that on accident that one time! amadeus is confusing and hard to keep track of in her head, but at the end of the day she thinks he’s very caring and just looking out for people. adaeze is really fun to hang out with and she is both concerned and greatly impressed w her just straight up downing one of fer’s Fucked Up And Evil Potions no questions asked, bc thats something even Agni’s too scared to do. thinks her sword is very interesting in terms of the arcane, wants to see what happens w all that! elvira is super different from anyone agni’s been around but she thinks she’s an amazing artist and would love to see her home bc she talks about it so vividly!! 

#mel talks #dnd tag #penance the jester #agni #whenever there is a pen question about feelings it is an automatic Long Ass Paragraph #and thats on his cancer moon

[laylabahiti]

HSHQTASK005: A REFLECTION 

i originally posted this task in march 2017, so almost 3 years ago (wow). i already regret looking at this old one lmao

001. name / age / pronouns

2017: xee / twenty / she, her 2020: xee / twenty-three / she, her — fun fact, mine and evy’s bdays are 2 days apart #taurussquad

002. which character(s) do you play?

2017: my complicated af beaN layla. idek what’s going on with her at this point. 2020: i’m screaming i can’t believe i thought 2017 layla was complicated. i had no idea what was to come. i picked up biel not long after that. also had katalina aka brucey’s wifey n i miss her. juliana is a fairly recent addition and, i’m about to spill the beans, a glücksburg is coming.

003. nationality / ethnicity / timezone

2017: american / lots of white european and the other half o’ me is ashkenazi jewish / right now i’m back and forth between pst and mst. homeland is mst though. 2020: obvs nothing has changed except no more back and forth with timezones. strictly mst now.

004. tell us a bit about your  home state.

2017: it’s the first day of spring and we almost reached 100 degrees F :’) we don’t really have autumn or spring here tho. it’s either hot as balls summer or frozen. no in between. like, as soon as temps get below 70 F people break out their jackets. 2020: welcome to the desert, “it’s a dry heat”

005.  favourite color / fruit / season

2017: green / honeydew melon / spring 2020: still green and all its shades / tbh idk how i chose a fave fruit bc i raaarely eat it but bananas and watermelon too / “spring”

006. favourite books + writer whose writing style you admire the most

2017: this isn’t a fair question smh. i have too many titles and names going through my head at once to answer this. 2020: still no fave so i’m just gonna answer this with what i’m currently reading. it’s called suffer strong and it popped up on my insta feed last week (big brother is listening and they know i’m a stressed mf) cheese moment: i admire all ur writing styles :~)

007. what kinda music do you listen to + any fave bands / musicians

2017: listen to a lil bit of everything. these ‘favorite’ questions are difficult for me to answer 2020: same answer tho i grew up listening to the eagles so they hold a special place in my heart n soul. i get to go see them in a couple months (hopefully w my dad) and i’m v excited

008. what are you doing for a living / what are you studying?

2017: lmAO well rn i work in the kitchen of a gas station (sah classy). 2020: went from working in the store to working in corporate *finger guns* apparently i never said what i was studying but i was still in school then. justice studies with a minor in military leadership and certifications in human rights and socio-legal studies. then i studied astrophysics with minors in cyber intel + security and math for a semester, but i didn’t want any more debt ajskdf

009. what’s your dream occupation?

2017: IDK but it has to involve happiness and a nice salary. i have to feed my zoo somehow. 2020: what r dreams lmao

010. relationship status

2017: single then. single now. single forever. 2020: every time i think about putting myself out there, something happens. i don’t have time to date atm

011. coffee, tea or hot chocolate?

2017: it depends on the weather. if it’s cold i’ll have hot chocolate. i usually drink tea at meals whenever though. 2020: i blame my work for all the coffee i drink now, but still all of the above. 

012. dream holiday destination?

2017: santorini 2020: honestmeme....where the hell did i pull santorini from. idk i was supposed to go to iceland for study abroad last year but yknow i withdrew from the university. i still wanna go tho

013. the thing you’re most proud about yourself

2017: not afraid to stand up for myself + others 2020: young me made it sound noble but honestly i’ll put ppl in their place, i don’t have patience anymore jakdas. but tbh right now i guess it’s my perseverance? life has been shitty for a few months but u gotta keep on truckin’

014. tell us a bit about your family!

2017: goD they’re nuts. i’m the middle child out of all my siblings but the youngest on my dad’s side. large age gaps are common, like half my sisters are old enough to be my mom. lots of grand babies and great grand babies. when we’re all together (like this past weekend) it’s ….wild. communication is v poor too. i only have one brother out of my eight siblings, and all those siblings are only half-related to me. at 5′5 i’m one of the tallest in the fam which says a lot. 2020: they’re still nuts n i don’t speak to my mother anymore. i should probs add that my parents have been divorced since i was a few months old so she hasn’t been in the pic for a while. even when she had custody of me jaksldf find me ron howard i’ll give him the rights to my life story

015. how long have you known your closest friend?

2017: three years. 2020: we’re going on 6 years jaksdf i’ll be maid of honor in her wedding this year. i also have another friend that i failed to mention last time but we’ve been close for 9 years (jfc)

016. superpower you’d like to have?

2017: invisibility 2020: mind reading so i know who’s Fake jaklsdjf

017. celebrity you’d like to meet?

2017: john stamos ?? idk i never really thought about it. i’ve met michael phelps though!! 2020: ig i’ll stick with stamos?? ooh or steve carrell or jennifer aniston. 

018. guilty pleasures

2017: chocolate and french fries. i love love love french fries. 2020: now my guilty pleasure is dr. pepper bc i cut it out of my diet.

019. pet peeves

2017: mouth noises (misophonia). people talking over each other and not listeninG. lowkey people leaving the toilet seat up or leaving toilet paper in the toilet like…just flush again. 2020: i really went off on tp huh?? another pet peeve is people committing to something then backing out/flaking without a heads up

020. do you have any hobbies?

2017: sports !!! i’m a grade a heaux for sports. tennis, archery, golf. anything that doesn’t require lots of muscle ya feel. one of my ~hobbies~ i guess is organizing things. i have multiple planners and use them all daily. 2020: i miss how sporty n active i was jkasdf this is my hobby.

021. where would you like to live in the future?

2017: i would looooooove to live in san diego but i’ll probs be stuck in the desert drylands. 2020: tbh i was looking into memphis homes bc it’s cheap compared to here but i don’t really care where i end up. just want a place of my own yknow

022. tell us a story about a thing that recently happened to you! it can be a funny, scary, sad story, your pick!

2017: redacted bc it was college angst lmao and not pretty 2020: i found out this morning that my cell phone # is somehow linked to some random guy a few miles away and idk how to fix it online. got some texts today and yesterday this one guy called me 6 times back to back while i was on the phone with someone else. i guess that’s another pet peeve of mine, pls leave a message if it’s important jaklsdf

#hshqtask005 #really had to go back n look at 20 year old me #who tf was i #how did u tolerate me

[wcoastboy]

emptiness, lockdown and a broken heart

so I am one of these kids who idealize love (a lot), I mean I am a cancer for god’s sake and most of my chart is water sings - overwhelmingly similar to lana del rey’s I might add, perhaps that’s why I am very affected by anythings she produces? - and I feel a lot. I always think of some aspects, (physical, cultural, emotional) and some traits that I’d love for a future husband to have. I am very traditional in that sense - I suppose oddly so for someone in the lgbtq community - but as troye sivan’s music says, I really do see a “little house on the hill and children's names,” and I feel like even though lust is my one main cardinal sin (for life, for beauty, for wealth, for happiness, for beautiful young guys, for wine, for good food, and everything pretty, shiny and decadent), I am so very relationship oriented. 

since my first boyfriend, which was 6 years ago, I never really felt strong romantic feelings towards anyone, in mid 2019 and even more so in 2020 during lockdown I started thinking that I had gone numb, I only lusted for pleasure, and yes I did want to connect with someone but it became very hard, especially because I had set some standards to a good and happy relationship which I suppose are not easily met. since that time in 2019 I would be complaning to my friends that I wanted a boyfriend and how annoyed I was by not finding anyone, was I reaching for the stars? in september 2020 I came back to beirut, for the summer semester and for a moment I was so very happy, still longing for a company who could adore me and be devout to loving me, but  I had managed to be accepted into a double major program (a little harder than just one), got my first real job with something I love doing (related to restoration and preservation of national heritage/art/architecture), and paid fairly ok, I also was getting to learn much more arabic and going around nostalgic ancient ruins, ashtonishly beautiful mediterranean beaches, medieval churches and getting high with my friends watching he city lights of beirut skyline dancing in my eyes. 

everythiNg seemed fIne, But I did keep complAining about not finding him. so my friend toLd me “stop looking, he’ll appear.” and though shallow advices bother me, I decided to wat. not a week after, on october 31st 2020, a halLOween night, I was with another friend on a call and a guy messages me on instragram, telling me my pictures were really pretty. one hour into the conVErsation he asked if he could see me, not to go anywhere or do anYthing, just see me. I then tOld him he was welcomed into my apartment, and half an hour later he was here, I opened the door to a gorgeoUs, blonde and blue eyes gemini, whose body was so pretty it made me a bit shy. (please keep in mind that where I live at the time, cases were very low, the country had dealt well with the pandemic until that point) and for 3 hours we talked, we discussed a myriad of personal philosophies (and btw, this is NOT how it works in the gay world), ranging from religion, academia, future plans, family, sexuality, and then yes, we kissed, and he had the most amazing kisses, so sweet-tasting, so tender, so passionate. 

in that day, a day I was feeling so alone (no halloween parties in lockdown..), I was so fulfilled. I learned he is a successfull architect, family oriented, passionate lover, I wasnt, however, in love with him, I still thought of myself as someone looking for love, but eventually he managed to make me fall in love with him. he’d wake up earlier than me to send me good mornings and he’d go back to sleep, he’d write me poems, come at any point that I’d mentioned I missed him, bring me gifts, spoil me with love, car rides and favors, he poured his heart unto me. I was a bit scared tho, so I asked us to go slower, he didnt take it well at first but he agreed, we had this conversation three times, he would insist in buying gifts like gucci shoes or weekends in expesive skiing resorts - which I refused. 

the day we had this conversation for the first time was a m a z i n g at the beginning, I went to a brunch with my architect boss and my work colleagues, collected my salary, went to the gym, came home, got some feedback on university papers (all very positive 90+ papers, which made me very happy as it showed me how capable I am in academia), and my date had invited me for dinner in a restaurant of my choice. I chose a small, traditional Italian restaurant up in the mountains from beirut (a lovely place), which he promtly made a reservation, and I went to get ready. at which point I called one of my best friends, and I just had this epiphany of feeling like a real adult in the first time in 20 years of my life. I truly did feel like I could conquer all? I was doing well at my job, even better at university, getting paid, professors enjoyed my company and invited me for talks, I was handling not one but two programs, I was in a good place with all my friends, I was in a steady pace gym-wise, I hard learned a lot about me and parts of my origin that semester too, I was falling in love with the middle east, and I had my man. a strong, well dressed, awfully good looking blondie who adored me and came to pick me up two hours later smelling so good with his cool sportscar. I felt very fulfilled, I was in awe that in 2020, a year that I had lost my grandfather and so many had perished was ending overwhelmingly well for me - until later that day. 

after the restaurant - and the amazing food - we went around in the car, we made out and more, and eventually we had the third conversation, in which I still was not ready for full commitment (allow me to explain that me, a cancer, when engaging in a stable relationship will be very, very committed, and I couldnt jump in headstrong - as I had done before - within just a month), and simply like that, he dismissed me, left me, took me home and never saw me again. I talked to him the day after in which I told him it was unfair how he made me fall for him and he just leaves me at once. I became very numb, he did keep calling me and messaging me for a month after, asking how I felt and my plans for the winter holidays, asking me for a cooking hangout and whatnot. I was numb, I didnt fight for him or anything. I wish I had. because a month later I was in pain, heartbroken, struggling, hurting, and at that point he seemed to have healed from me, I tried patching things back but its not really working, and at this point, its preopably gonna stay like that. 

the worst part is that I truly had become his friend? so I went through grieving in two different perspectives, the loss of a lover and the loss of a friend. 

cut to february 2021, now the pandemic has worsened to some extent and I am under absolute lockdown, I am not emplyed as the work was short term, I can’t see my friends or go around exploring the scenery, there’s not gym and I lost a couple family memebers due to covid19 and cancer.

I used to deal pretty well with the lockdown, I am kept to myself, a few books and my mackbook go a long way, I can spend days in reclusion. I am also a pretty ok student and now....now nothing. I am hating this lockdown and it truly pains me to see that there are *weeks* left of it, I am not being able to focus as I usually do, I am not even very communicative these days (and I talk too much), its been very heard being heartbroken in a tiny apartment with me and me only, I’ve resorted to several activies so far but nothing seems really effective to be honest. I fear that he is really over me, and he is not even in the country as of now. everything seems so empty, I am not hurting as much as I was a few days ago, the weeks from january 17th to february 3rd were hell for me, now I suppose I can find some joy but the only thing i’d love to right now is lying my head in his chest. 

the one good thing that came from all of this was the fact that because I was so sad, when I got the news that my uncle had died I got so, so sensitive that I ended up falling apart on the phone with my aunt and my sister, whose reaction to my story with him were unecpectedly sweet, both of them now are pretty open and understanding of my sexuality and I was very, very relived to open up to memebers of my family, my kin, my blood. (up until that point I had opened up only to friends). 

and I suppose that now I know that I hadnt gone cold from love, it was just that I hadnt find the one. hopefully I’ll heal faster than my first break up, but it does pain me a lot, because you know these standards I had mentioned earlier? he fit very well in the majority of them.

#love #heartbreak #2021 #pandemic #upload #journal entry #lockdown #nostalgia

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

Hi 21/f (for tash pls)

I’ve messaged a few times and you guys have always been super helpful and I really appreciate all the help you have given me over the years.

Back in November of 2016 my gf and I broke up, we broke up because she had commitment issues and I was truly devastated. I cried for days and I’ve only just recently been able to get somewhat over her (I fully believe I was/am in love with her). When we broke up she had mentioned that we could always try to date again at some point in the future (as i write this i feel like i talked to you guys about this before so i apologize if you recall any of this and this is just a repeat, but i also have new stuff) and at some point last year i asked her out right if she ever saw us getting back together bc i didnt wanna hold out hope that we’d ever get back together if there wasnt a chance. She told me no she didnt see that happening and again i was truly devastated. Also when we broke up we said we’d still be friends bc we were really really close when we started dating, well thats not really the case? shes honestly been super distant and i know she has a life and it doesnt revolve around me but she tends to not answer me and give me one worded answers. I’ve tried talking to her about it before and voiced my concerns with her and she always just tells me shes super busy and she forgets to answer and i know that really does happen but sometimes it feels like its just all the time. I may just be overreacting to that part but its frustrating that i never seem to get any other answer out of her. Like there will be times that i feel super excited for something and shell just respond with something like “oh cool!” and then i feel dumb for trying to be so excited about it and then we dont talk for hours. the only other issue i have is she started dating someone just a few months after we broke up and didnt tell me which i can undertstand bc she knew how upset i was at our break up but just a month or so ago they broke up and now shes dating someone new again and she still didnt tell me and i dont understand why. i will admit im a little jealous at how shes dating someone new but im also really upset at the fact she didnt tell me about it again. I just miss her a lot and i wanna be her friend and be in her life but it seems like she doesnt want me in hers.

another issue im having is i really feel just alone, like i dont have anyone. i mean theres a couple people at work that i talk to a lot while im at work but we tend to not talk outside of work and ive tried innitiating conversations with them and they fall flat and they dont seem interested. i just feel like i dont have anyone who truly cares about me and ontop of both of these issues i feel like a complete failure. im not going to school and my mom has kinda been on my butt about it lately and ive been passed up 4 times for a promotion and everyone around me is trying to figure out why and even i cant figure out why. and my general manger wont tell me why he wont promote me and i just feel like a giant failure and that im not good enough for anything.

this was a fairly long submission and im sorry. thank u for taking the time to respond tho

it sounds a little like your ex girlfriend said to continue staying friend because she didn’t want to hurt you ): unfortunately though most break-ups aren’t mutual, and staying friends with an ex partner doesn’t work. 

all your feelings right now? they’re 100% valid!! like I’d feel shitty and upset if someone I thought wanted me in their life made me feel weird for getting excited over something, I’d feel upset if someone I thought wanted to be friends with me just wasn’t making any effort to show they cared. 

this isn’t going to be easy to read? but I feel like your ex said she wanted to be friends after the breakup because she didn’t want to hurt you (and not because she genuinely wanted to be friends), she’s now changed her mind and doesn’t know how to say that now. actions speak louder than words! ): and none of her actions show love or care or a desire to have you in her life. 

this isn’t a criticism at all, just an observation? but you talked about being lonely and feeling isolated and like a failure, it might be making you a little more sensitive to your ex girlfriend’s actions than you normally would be. like -- you feel lonely, you miss your ex, she acts in a way that makes you feel even more isolated and alone, it intensifies your desire to hang onto the ex and the negative cycle continues. 

my best advice? ditch the ex, let her go. I don’t think she’s deliberately trying to hurt you or be mean? but right now it’s not a healthy friendship to have. make it a goal to spread out your friendship groups a bit, make the most of opportunities to meet new people where you can. maybe use tinder to go on a few fun dates haha, download the hey!vina app if you want, maybe check out meetup.com and see if you can find a group of like-minded people? there’s an app that I use in london called fever that lets you know all about events and activities happening in your local area?! it works in a few other major international cities too -- if you don’t live in those cities then it might not be super helpful haha, but maybe your city has something similar? there’s also an app called ‘Wingit’ which operates in london, cities around europe and the US, it’s an app like fever but could be more useful if fever doesn’t work in your city? worth asking around! anything to get you mixing with new people while doing something fun at the same time (:

you’re not a complete failure, at all. promise <3 if you’ve directly asked your general manger about not being promoted and he won’t explain why? then maybe it’s time to look for a new job (: there’s not much point in staying in a workplace where you don’t feel valued or respected as a member of staff.

things aren’t going to magically improve overnight? but ditch the ex, work on branching out and meeting new people and making some new friends, make time for self care and looking after you. try to get straight direct answers from your manager about not being promoted, see what he says, ask what you can work on to improve, look at finding a new job if you just don’t feel valued or appreciated at work. good luck xxxx

- tash

#advice #submission #21f #ex #lonely #breakup #sad

[justarturo]

Farewell to the first man I truly loved.

Sometime ago, 5 years or so, I started an internship in the HR deparment in a globally known toothpaste company. It was my first job ever and as an anxious person it was really challenging for me to adapt and evolve at the begining of this trip. However I was blessed with 3 wonderful people. People who I love so much until today.

My boss, an estoic, serious, but loving man; his best friend, a fierce, powerful, stubborn woman who craved love and understanding from others, and their other best friend. A childish, kind of goofy, confident man. They were 47, 48 and 33 years old respectively, I was 20. Huge age gap, however we became truly good friends.

My boss, who I will refer as J, was my role model, we clicked on immediately and worked as perfect as any of those swiss clocks they mention in movies. We were an odd pairing. I was a hardworking, anxious, emotionally vulnerable young man, he was an emotionally distant, kind of lax and lazy adult, however as the only members of our team, we delivered some of the best results the area had gotten in years. We were truly a team, and thats how we became friends, and in some way our relationship evolved in work father-work son.

My female friend, who I will refer as Y. Was my confident and ally inside the HR department. She was the administrative assistant and I, as the HR intern, had to work very close to her. We shared secrets, gossip, defend each other in the line of duty and gave each other strength. And up to today, I can tell you with certainty we still do.

My other friend, whose name is V, was introduced to me by the other two people mentioned. At first he didn’t belong to HR but to Supply Chain, however he welcomed me to the company as if he had already known each other for years. I was dazzled by him. His personality, although a little childish, was confident and secure and that truly did a number in me. I decided We should become friends, no, best friends, no, the best of best friends. He was not shy, he was not quiet, he was everything I was not. As he wasn’t in the HR department, it took me a little longer to get to know him better, but after a couple of months, we started to become best buds. And with the company of Y and J, I felt as if I had belonged, not only to the company, but to the group since forever. Truly one of the happiest times of my life.

When I was with V, we laughed, helped each other, we cried, we talked honestly (or so I thought) we shared meals, even when we kind of argue, we would shake it off in no time. Now i know I loved him, I still do, at least the first facet of him I knew.

At the time I had not even came to terms with mt sexual orientation, and I did not consider myself a gay man. Buried deep inside my unconscious I knew I liked men, however this had been a personal struggle I had chosen to repress since I was 17. But when I was with V I did not even had to try to come to terms I was just happy to be close to this awesome man i admire so much and be good friends to each other. I was so happy when he told me his wife was pregnant. I truly was excited, he desired so much to become a father that when that wish started to become reality I was so happy for him. I met his wife at his birthday and loved her, I even remember thinking! OMG she is so nice and smart, we have so many thins in common. Now I dont know if thats good or not. U decide.

For almost two years I was the happiest and most hardworking boy inside the company, but then my worst nightmare came to life, I was moved from HR to Customer Development (Sales) deparment. I was crushed. I missed being J’s right hand, my job, my tasks, my projects, etc. J, Y and V were still my friends but I felts as if something had been ripped from my heart. I got depressed and anxious, I had at least one Panic attack per day, followed by several deppresion episodes, in which I would cry inside a meeting room, hidden frim everyone else. J and Y were so supportive and understanding, they even cried with me. But V was not. He could not empathize with couldn’t or wouldn’t. He claimed that everything was fine and I should be thankful and shake those concerns of mine off of me. He tried to make me happy with presents and meals, but I was truly truly sad. The thing that upset me the most was that a few days before my “promotion” he attended my college graduation with Y. He was so happy for me, he hugged me so hard and I remember hugging him so hard too. I felt so safe. He even bought me an Apple Watch as graduation present. He spent at least 10 Thousand mexican pesos, which is not cheap, to buy me that present. To be fair, his family is loaded, but still, its a lot, he could have simply bought me dinner or some clothes, but he decided to buy me the recently announced Apple Watch. I still have it btw, I treasure it as the last piece of our relationship.

After I was promted everything went spyralling, and we kinda grew apart. He tried to make me happy but failed to acknowledge my pain, I refused to let him try to make me forget and move on, and failed to acknowledge his attempts of helping me. We started to argue more and more often about stupid shit. Truly. We are both, prideful stubborn guys. And that really started to mess up our friendship. At the time I started to notice this very attractive lad in the Marketing deparment named F. I was truly infatuated by his appereance. He was truly a 9 in the hotness meter, and decided to get closer to him. Opened up about my orientation to two other friends outside the company, but decided to keep it hidden from J, Y and V, and truly anyone else. I asked this guy out even tho I knew he was in a relatonship at the time. Luckily for me, he was an asshole, so I just moved on. Soon I decided to quit the company as I was truly and deeply depressed. J and Y although sad, were supportive, but V was truly not. He got mad, we argued several days in a row, he said I was being stupid and a lot more shit. The week before my departure, we had came to terms, or so it seemed and chatting it slipped that I liked the F dude and that I had asked him out. Shockingly for me, he was TRULY supportive, he said that it was ok, that There was not anything wrong with me and he was glad I’d told him. It shocked me because he came from a very traditional catholic family, who usually mock gay, women, etc. You know.... catholics.... anyway. I thought this would help us to still be close or even closer after I left the company. However it did not change the fact we grew apart

After I left V started to avoid long whatsapp conversations, long phonecalls, dinner plans with Y, J and me, and if he accepted to attend, he would usually be quite passive agressive and throwing shade to my decisions and current life outside the company. As I was depressed I did not even fight against or for him. I just let it go until One day In a casual conversation he said “i was sad, but now I’m over you”. It hit me like a bomb. First this comment made me realize how much I loved him, truly, and discover how much I craved him in my life. Not only as my friend, but as a man in my life. Second it deeply saddened me to discover this as he hAd discovered he was no longer interested in having a deep connection with me. It was then I knew we were like a couple. An emotionally built couple. We had built a relationship between him and me that was as intense and meaningful as any of my other friends with their respective partners. There was nothing sexual about it, at least not consciously, but we loved each other. Sadly, it was not an authentic love, it was a possesive selfish kind of love.

Nowadays we talk twice a year top. Sometimes I miss him more, some other times I’m able just to remember to what once was and what could have been without hurting much, as I have evolved now to a more mature and empowered paychologist with a clear pad for my personal and professional life. I do not regret leaving the company, I only regret that we could never speak up and open up and letting him now I wasn’t quitting on him. Maybe it could have been different if I had. Nowadays, I’m somewhat afraid to let people in and to try to build and seek for a relationship with other man, because it truly hurts looking back. And hopefully writing about this will help me give closure to the V & A never happened relationship and ruined friendship.

I loved him. I think I still do, but I love myself more.

Ps. Forget my spelling and grammar as the post advances, My eyes were a little watery when I got deeper into my memories.

[thatsjustsupergirl]

ur post about fic & racism in the supergirl fandom really got me thinking (especially about my own biases so thank you) but also like, how there’s this incredibly pervasive but subtle new form of racism I haven’t seen b4 in other fandoms? Like on one hand u have this loud condemnation of how racist monel is & how he was a slave owner blabh blah but no corresponding attention given to the existing Black characters. 1/4

I get wlw not wanting to write m/f fic but a lot of the fandom doesn’t reblog (or make) any of the gifsets, they don’t meta for him they don’t call for more screen time for Mehcad. Same for M’gann. SO many posts talking about how awful monel is compare him to Lena and strangely don’t mention the Black female character who also came from an oppressive society to become a hero? And there are like, idk, 4 people? Who write or post wlw fic with M’gann in it? 2/4

Same with Maggie. A huge segment of fandom decided Floriana is white (even tho hollywood clearly won’t cast her in roles for white women) so they use that as an excuse to exclusively stan the very light skinned white wlw. And the way it carries over to the characters, like, okay Flo is white? but Maggie is absolutely treated like a woc in how parts of fandom aggressively ignore her & find ways to demonize her character while overtly supporting lighter skinned characters ¾

And that same part of the fandom doesn’t ever seem to create content for Lucy or Vasquez either. IDK this isn’t something u can probably explore with stats but ur post really got me thinking and it just feels really gross now bc I see all these posts condemning racism but there’s still this extreme perpetuation of privileging white characters at the same time? & I haven’t seen this particular trend in fandom b4 4/4

Oh, anon, this made my day. I have a bunch of notes waiting in a doc to address the whole Mon-El thing with regard to the racist undertones and the rhetoric used by the show to frame his storyline, and I will do my best to write it before the season comes back again, because I genuinely think they tried to aim high and just … missed completely. (But I make no promises because my thesis defense is on Tuesday.)

To your first point re: fandom attitudes – I was surprised in the early half of S2 when so many people came out of the woodwork making posts in the main tag like “wait, why did they get rid of Kara/James??” because, oh right, nobody acted like they cared for almost twelve straight months. If y’all were so okay with this ship, where were you to acknowledge its social significance when it was canon? Where are you now? Why hasn’t there been an outpouring of tweets week after week at the execs and the writers for sidelining an interracial couple in favor of what we’re getting, especially since the storyline literally handwaved away human trafficking and slavery as minor plot points?

Not only that, when there’s unrealized potential for a non-canon ship there is typically an outpouring of fic in response, and while there’s been a statistically significant amount of new Karolsen fic in S2 because it’s pretty easy to top zero percent, the writing there is not keeping pace with any of the other dude-involved pairings. 

And you’re right, anon: it is not possible to prove anything with stats. HOWEVER, thanks to the addition of these new characters for S2, I *am* at the point now where it’s possible to see correlation between character race and fan engagement with different pairing choices. And the bias is there, whether it’s in the het pairings, the femslash, or even the m/m pairings. The whole reason I started tracking fic outputs in the first place was that any attempt to have this conversation last year devolved into yelling and finger-pointing because “you have no proof!” that racial bias is a thing. Except, yanno, all the POC who live with it daily saying that it’s a thing. Well, congratulations y’all: your choices leave digital footprints behind that are pretty easy to follow and chart for everyone to see.

This isn’t actually a new problem, by the way – racism and preferencing of white pairing happens a lot, in almost every fandom. The only difference maybe is that I’ve experimented with quantifying it, which is not something that people usually do when they study fandoms or fan behavior.

It pains me to no end that M’gann has been so overlooked, because her story has just as many dark character beats to it as Lena’s, if not more, plus the added bonus of her sharing a sense of “otherness” with Kara in a way that few other people can. And there is no way the disinterest in that pairing isn’t about race, because there are a whole bunch of ships from S1 between white women who’d never even met each other in canon that have more romantic fics than M’gann/anyone.

And the nonsense about Floriana, which I’ll remind everyone again was started by a white girl, had a demonstrable chilling effect on interest in Sanvers as a pairing. Like. I can actually show that on paper. And you’re absolutely right with what you said above, which bears repeating: Maggie is absolutely treated like a woc in how parts of fandom aggressively ignore her & find ways to demonize her character.

There’s also a treatment of Floriana herself that reminds me uncomfortably of how people went out of their way to demonize Naya Rivera’s personal life whenever she reminded the world she was black instead of just “very tan.” And a lot of the rhetoric people are using to talk about Floriana’s racial heritage is almost verbatim the same as what you’ll find on white supremacist discussion boards about Italian people. I’d love to think this is an accident, but I’ve made some people pretty angry for pointing this out in the past, so I suspect it’s at least partially deliberate.

Lucy was another case that drove me insane, for two reasons:

The vast majority of femslash fans flat-out ignored her as a romantic choice even though there were a whole lot of good reasons to ship her with either Kara or Alex, and a whole lot less negative reasons not to. (And it’s not like Supercat was already dominating the scene before Lucy’s character was introduced. That ship only became popular after the movie Carol came out during the winter hiatus of S1.)

People had the same fight last year about whether or not Lucy counted as a WOC and ultimately insisted that the answer was no. But then people kept on ignoring her anyway like somehow dubiously legal boss/employee relationships, potential treason, and incest were more logical bases for attraction.

Also, to the people who have been like “oh yay we could’ve had Dichen as Maggie, a real WOC” like somehow this would have made the fandom love her more – you’re full of shit. If you mean that, why has there been so little fic about Dichen as Roulette? Like, last year there were a whole bunch of shipfics featuring Livewire. There was Kara/Siobhan. And yet … no dark scenarios of Supergirl/Roulette? No Alex ones? There were even a bucketload of those for each Danvers sister + Max Lord, and this fandom isn’t even that into dudes. You’re telling me no one is interested in this kind of hero/villain dynamic with the Asian chick and somehow that’s not also about race?

tl;dr I suspect that a decent chunk of this problem is the result of subconscious bias, but some of it’s not. And what’s really sad about it is that, for all the talk on Tumblr about representation being important, we’re really doing no better as media producers than Hollywood when it comes to race. If anything, we might actually be doing worse.

#supergirl #my meta #fandom stats #fandom racism #Anonymous #asks #long post

[swearronchanel]

6.08, my last commentary™ R I P to me

I wanted to post this right away but my phone died and I broke my charger so I had to handle that but now I’m finally able to. I’m literally dead, I STILL can not process how amazing it was. So I’ll just get on with it post my earlier thoughts  

¡¡TODAY IS THE DAY AHH!! IM FREAKING LATE KILL ME

BUT HOW ARE WE ALREADY HERE? IM NOT READY FOR THIS SERIES TO END BUT I NEED TO SEE SHELGAH *SAFELY* GIVE BIRTH TO A HEALTHY BABY. ANYWAY IM LITERALLY GOING TO DIE AFTER THIS EPISODE SO ENJOY THE FINAL THOUGHTS OF MY LIFE, LETS GET IT ..

MY HEART IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE ITS BEATING SO FAST

TBH I MIGHT SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

SCREW THESE CREDITS BUT I NEED THEM BC IM NOT READY OMG

IM SCREAMING

aw baby! & hey val

Does this mean Delia had No letters from pats this whole time??

MY BBY SHELAGH OMG HER BELLY

SHE CANT REACH HER SHOE OMG SO PRECIOUS THOUGH

Sister MJ I love u 😭😂

Family planning clinic!

YES VAL! they’re women not criminals !!

YES TRIXIE THANKS BBY FOR SPEAKING UP

aww poor Barbara

“..There are tales of missionaries served for luncheon in those climes” LMAO OMG SISTER MJ THATS NOT WHAT SHE NEEDS TO HEAR RIGHT NOW

It’s so sweet that Babs really wants her dad, I feel. My grandfather officiated my parents’ and brother’s wedding, I hope he does mine. If someone wants to marry me one day ofc lol 😂😭

SHELAGH IS ACTUALLY YELLING .. WHY DO I LOVE IT?

All the shit she’s been through/delt with and pregnancy sets her off huh..

BUT TRIXE AND SHEALGH INTERACTING YESS NOT THE WAY I WANTED BUT ILL TAKE IT FOR NOW

AWW MY BBY CRYING SOMEONE HUG HER 😭😭💕💕

MY BBY TRIXIE IS SMIRKING AT MY OTHER BBY LOL STOP 😭😭💔

“Hot and bothered” 😭😂 Violet having hot flashes. That’s not funny but i giggled I’m sorry immature of me

I can’t imagine being around when the pill was just coming out(or antibiotics even) like that must have been so wild ? you really would think they were magic *remember Vanessa Redgrave saying that in series 2?*

my mom is a nurse at a gyn/fertility office and she informed me of so much at a young age lol maybe that’s why I’m so curious idk?

lol I remember being like 13 and my friends didn’t know there was more than just the pill when it came to birth control and I really felt I was an expert😂 but *a judge’s voice* irrelevance moving on.

Needing your husbands permisson for a bank account? *sucks teeth* Vete ya!

Aw my bby shelagh 💔💔😭

“And I’ll warrant you’ve never felt more scared” I AM! AND THIS ISNT EVEN MY FICTIONAL PREGNANCY

“Oh lass“😭 PHYLLIS COMFORTING HER OMG I AM CRYING ALREADY, I NEVER KNEW I WANTED THIS

"Phyllis you’ve been a real friend” IM NOT OKAY OMG, THEY’VE COME SO FAR I CRY

OMG SHELAGH BEING SO CUTE WTF OMGGG 💖

PROTECT MY BBY & HER BABY AT ALL COSTS 💕💕

THE NONNATUNs CHEERING SO PURE 😭

“What if something goes wrong?” stop tempting fate Patrick !!

“I’ve made up my mind” MY BBY I CANT DEAL .. once upon a time she couldn’t speak up and was so timid 😭 my bby has grown

Her lipstick is a nice color, wait what’s this lady’s name?

The nurses all together makes me so happy omg why is this so adorable, even Phyllis is there !! SO PURE💕

Lol poor Fred tries his best !

Damn secondment to st Cuthberts, I guess Trixie couldn’t even be considered for to be Shelagh’s midwife

SHELAGH IN THE CARDIGAN >>

OF COURSE SHE CHOSE SISTER JULIENNE WE WOULDN’T HAVE ACCEPTED IT ANY OTHER WAY

“‘MY DEAR” BRB DROWNING IN TEARS

but omg was Phyllis disappointed 😭 no don’t be hurt that’s her basically her mother! (sister j and Phyllis would’ve been a good tag team though)

this montage just reminds me brb #irresponsibleme

Future Hereward’s take a note from the Turners, find out about each other sooner rather than later

LOL TOM’S AWKWARD FACE BC BABS IS GETTING CONTRACEPTION

it’s Wilma! her name is Wilma, noted.

Lol what does she sell? Is the company like Avon ? 😂I’m confused but also screaming too much internally

poor Babs is so nervous and feeling awkward 😂

Her face while on the bed😂 I feel

LMAO BABS TAKING OUT THE DIAPHRAGM & DROPPING IT HA

BUT WAIT THAT WAS THE TURNERS BATHROOM WTF ??

Patrick putting on or tying Shelagh’s shoes my fucking heart is melting

She doesn’t want him there .. for now?

“..We’re a team” 😭😭💕💕 marriage goals

“The minute I look at you I’ll give you everything you ask for” BRB I AM INDEED GOING TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

I CAN NOT DEAL

Phyllis exercising 😭😂

“I have chosen one of my friends” OMG MY HEART

PHYLLIS BE MY BRIDESMAID !??

why does she only have one though? is it more like a maid of honor?

HERES COME MORE TEARS

THE SPANISH AYE DIOS MI CORAZON

Aw good for Wilma being happy with her job! Does everyone call the sofa the settee?

There’s that babycham! Still was never sure if it was alcoholic or nah? sparkling cider maybe?

OMG I HAVE A BOTTLE IN MY BAG THAT I BROUGHT FROM FLORIDA

new drinking came, shots every time the show makes you cry lol jk i’d be on the floor 20 mins in 

that sports car aye

My bby looking good 😍😍

she knows what it’s like to be hurt Christopher😭

You’re not supposed to take 3 at a time Wilma, I’ve been scolded enough

Okay so Babs just fell asleep and that’s all?? Preview made it seem more dramatic

Now is Val going to listen and not touch anything? lol probably

Violet always rocking blue eyeshadow haha

Is that a silicone faja?? that looks hella uncomfortable

TRIXIE’S FACE OF DISGUST HAHA

OMG THE FAM HELPING OUT WITH FUNDS MY HEART

I WANT TO BE APART OF THE NONNATUS FAMILY!

PHYLLIS AND BABS DRESS SHOPPING I LOVE THIS

“.. she’ll have me to reckon with”  TE QUERIO MUCHO PHYLLIS

I NEED A PHYLLIS IN MY LIFE

SHE HAS A FAV DRESS OMG I LOVE HER

HER FACE OMG I NEED THAT SCREENSHOTTED

SHELAGH MY BBY😭😭

Their new bedroom is so 60s I love it

She still didn’t read the pamphlet !! I love her omg, such pure intentions

OMG SISTER J REMINISCING, AH FINALLY SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT THAT SHE WAS A NUN, I AM SOBBING BYEE IM DYING. MY HEART RATE IS SLOWING DOWN

POOR DEELS AW OMG she doesn’t deserve this, she barely has screen time don’t hurt her 

Shealgh’s got another nightgown! 1962/2017 is apparently the year of nighties #thebrinylonforthewinthough

I love pink waffers 😭😂

SHIT WHAT’S WRONG WITH WILMA IM SCARED, IS IT A HEART ATTACK?? BLOOD CLOT??

poor vi!! aww she misses reggie too!

AW FRED HUG HER

and he’s fanning her omg so pure

SHEALGH’S GOING IN TO LABOR ?? AHHHHH OMGG IM NOT READY

but also she has a housecoat how cute

SISTER J SAID “HIS SPINE” OMG HOW DOES SHE KNOW ALREADY

“I knew it” bless u bby😭😭 she is a GEM. WHY IS SHE SO LOVABLE?

omg Wilma don’t die, Trixie can u save her 😭

shit not looking good, maybe this was the death they meant

shelagh throwing up yikes

“She’s smiling and waving” yea we know that smiling and waving😂😂 but omg doesn’t this remind anyone of when you’ve been partying too hard but you’re trying to convince your friends that you’re not ready to tap out yet😂😭

if not nevermind I’ll feel trashy lmaoo

PASS THAT GAS AND AIR SISTER J

AW BBY YOU ARE BRAVE!!!!!!!

IM CRYING BUT RUNNING OUT OF TEARS

HOW TF DOES LAURA LOOK GORGEOUS ALL SWEATY AND IN TEARS WHILE PRETENDING TO BE IN LABOR?? & i’m still a creature?

Poor Patrick! He must be going as crazy as I am!

I DONT HAVE ASTHMA BUT I NEED AN INHALER BC I CANT BREATHE IM SO ANXIOUS OMG

IM NOT A SMOKER BUT I FEEL LIKE I NEED A CIGG BC IM ABOUT TO LOSE IT

Trixie is doing Wilma’s makeup omg I can’t take this 😭💔💔

“I can’t believe I used to dream of this” OMG SHELAGH & SISTER J

“Every woman alive is the sum of all she ever did, and felt, and was.” ..“and how do you know that?” ..“ i wasn’t aware that I did until just now”

¡¡¡IM A W R E C K!!! l o v e that

SHE IS SINGING DORIS DAY’s SECRET LOVE AND I AM F*CKING DEAD GOODBYE

PATRICK SINGING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR SOMEONE SEND H E L P IM DYING I BET IT’S “THEIR SONG” & YOU ARE ALL CORDIALLY INVITED TO MY FUNERAL IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS EPISODE  

I’M NOT GONNA MAKE IT

“We can’t just be like any other couple.. because we’re us”

MY HEART WTF I SWEAR IT IS ABOUT TO BURST BUT IT’S NOT BEATING

IM DEAD INSIDE AND MY BODY WILL FOLLOW WHEN THIS IS OVER

Get in there Patrick!

“The children are here” .. to say goodnight omg no😢

OMG PATRICK HOLDING HER I AM FUCKING SCREAMING

“YOU CLEVER GIRL” OMGG WHO CALLED IT

I CANT SEE WHATS HAPPENING TOO MANY TEARS IN MY EYES

IT’S A BOY I KNEW IT WELL I HAD A FEELING !

BABYTURNERLAND 2.0!!!! QUE LINDO DIOS TE BENDIGA 💖👼🏼

WHAT IS HIS NAME???

THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE OF MY LIFE WOW I CANT PROCESS IT ALL

“May the lord bless you and keep you” OMGGG, JESUS HEIDI WTF ARE YOU DOING TO ME ??!! I’ve never been so invested in a show or fictional characters’ lives like this 😭😭

I NEVER THOUGHT WE’D SEE THIS DAY AND IM HAVING SO MANY FEELS, I BARELY HAVE ANY THOUGHTS I AM S h o o k, I AM NOTHING IN THIS WORLD. JUST USELESS TRASH FOR CTM

WELL, ALMOST 19 YEARS OF LIVING WAS GOOD ENOUGH RIGHT?

HONESTLY JUST PUT ME IN THE GARBAGE BC I HAVE NOTHING OF SUBSTANCE TO SAY IM JUST GUSHING AND DYING

BUT SERIOUSLY LAURA MAIN IS I N C R E D I B L E AND DESERVES EVERY AWARD SO PLEASE GET IT TOGETHER @ THE EMMYS, THE SAGS, THE GOLDEN GLOBES & ALL OTHER AWARDS OF ALL PRESTIGE!!  STOP PLAYING GAMES & GIVE LAURA + CTM THE RECOGNITION IT DESERVES  !! & no excuses it happened for downton!

NO WILMA IS DEAD NO

The pill is so great and useful and miraculous in a way but I’m glad they showed some of its issues but DID THEY REALLY HAVE TO KILL THE FIRST WOMEN THEY GAVE IT TO? I’m still here tho, I’m rolling

NO TOM DONT SAY THaT WTF? TRIXIE IS OVER U AND U ARE OVER HER don’t ruin the moment

why did I think bab’s dad was the rev Applebee Thornton 😭😂😂😂?? where’s Jane lol

My bby trixie serving looks as always 😍😍

Aw his daughter is cute

CHRISTOPHER LOOKS GOOD TOO UGH😍

What are knickerbocker glories?

lol Boots! lowkey want to go there to satisfy my 15 year old self who liked to watch British youtubers affordable makeup videos (tbh I still do when I’m bored)

REGGIE! OMG HE CALLED VI MUM I DIE

OH YEA THE WEDDING OMG LOL I DONT FORGOT FOR A SEC

IM STILL SCREAMING, MY FREAKING BBY JUST HAD A MIRACLE BABY !!!!! I LEGIT RAN OUT OF TEARS WHAT DO I DO

LOOK HOW FAR WE HAVE COME MY GOD

THE GIRLS SINGING “HAPPY WEDDING DAY” TO BABS OMG THAT WAS GREAT, I NEED FRIENDS LIKE THAT

I NEED TO WATCH THIS AGAIN AND IT DIDNT FINISH YET

LMAO TOM AND FRED HUNGOVER, relatable AF😂😭

SO IS TOM’S SURPRISE IS MONEY? Or is he going to buy her something!?

Barbara’s cape reminds me of Phoebe’s from FRIENDS

The stain glass !! love it

PHYLLIS LOOKS SO ADORABLE OMG HER BOUCLE SUIT AW

WHY A HEADBAND ON YOUR WEDDING DAY BABs? BUT good for them lol 😭 I don’t care enough at the moment  but let them be happy they’re so great for each other !

HE GOT A FUCKING CAROUSEL OMG

damn. Nice one Tom. I’m a little jealous, someone needs to love me like that.😭

“At times, the present seems most perfect when it seeds lie in the past. And others, life is rendered flawless when we look towards future, glimpsing from within one golden moment all the joys the days to come might hold” 💕😢😭

THE TURNERS, NOW A FAMILY OF 5 OMGGGGGGG 😭😭

THE NUNS SO PURE ❣️ lol obviously

“We can not stand still because the world keeps turning. Every year must give way to the next and it’s stories must be folded, tucked away like children’s clothes outgrown, cherished and never quite forgotten”

VANNESSA ALWAYS SAYS THE RIGHT THINGS UGH

Aw Angela with Tim!

My BBY SHELAGH IN HER BLUE OUTFIT WITH UNNAMED BABY TURNER ID CRY IF I COULD

“1962 was a year of great change at Nonnatus House, but there’s always change, everywhere, there are always new faces, new tears to shed, new joys to invest in , yet the circle of love is not broken, it expands.” YOU GOT THAT RIGHT🙏🏼👏🏼🙌🏻😭😭😢😢💖💖

I NEED THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL LIKE TOMORROW PLEASE

lol Val screaming it’s snowing 😭 same

PATSY!!!

SHE AND DELIA KISSED OMG

GOOD FOR THEM 😭

ALSO GOOD FOR ME bc I was tired of the same complaints that BBC broke them apart and Patsy was “sent away” nah man Emerald was busy!

“Love bares all things, love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things and love never ends”

THIS WAS INCREDIBLE WOW IM A MESS

IF I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE COMMISSONED FOR 3 MORE SERIES I’D THINK THIS WAS THE END??

BUT UGH NOW WE MUST WAIT

ANYWAY I SEE THE LIGHT FOLKS

IDK IF THIS IS HELL OR HEAVEN BUT I AM DEAD, I SEE THE EARTH BEHIND ME

TBH ITS PROB HELL

Someone throw me in the damn ground already!!

In loving memory of Gabby Nuñez (1998-2017) taken far too soon because of the emotional toll brought by call the midwife, she didn’t choose to get so emotionally invested it just happened. She is grateful for her time on earth, you may leave comments, flowers or send money. Thank you for putting up with her nonsense and foolishness *now someone give my eulogy & someone else may come up and sing a hymn to conclude*

#call the midwife #I am certified TRASH FOR THIS SHOW #IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL #MY GRINCH HEART GREW BEFORE IT DIED #lets get it 1962 #MY BBY HAD A BABY #ILL NEVER BE OVER IT #masterpost #my commentaries™

[n-ph]

2k16

wow it’s been awhile since i’ve written one of these. i just realized that i totally didn’t write one last year. anyway i dont even know where to begin. 2016 has been an interesting year to say the least. i was rereading some of my old posts and i said omg a lot. the days just seem to go by in a blur nowadays, so i will try to recap 2016 as best as i can. i dont have a word to encompass this year though.

went to seattle in january. tried some really expensive sushi..twice..holy crap. the quality was a1 but man the bill was something else. seattle was nice though. definitely had a san francisco vibe to it, except for when you go to the waterside and look back at all the construction. i guess we kinda ran out of things to do bc on the last day we went to chinatown and the area seemed really dinky. also gained a ton of weight in seattle though u_u

in february we tried 5a5 steakhouse. and let me tell u. it is the best beef i have ever had. it is also the most money i have ever spent on a single meal. oh my god. i dont know if i'll ever be back, but i would like to, some day.

thus far, the semester was pretty okay. let's see..i had government accounting with a moody professor who would throw tantrums whenever no one participated. i also had business law with this old guy who was really lively and fun. i had strategic management with a bryan cranston look alike. the class was really interesting though and i learned a lot and it got me started on reading the economist lmao im so old. i miss having so much free time that came with school. 40 hour work weeks are not the life (even if i barely do anything at work).

went to LA during spring break. and at a good time too bc it was still the soft opening of harry potter world so the lines were v manageable. butterbeer was dope. the entire hogsmeade village just felt so real. had sooo much good food in LA omg. got to see some friends as well. had some of the best steak frites ever.

i cant believe i particpated in asu's talent show this year. much has changed in asu since i joined. it makes me wonder if i was behaving that way when i first joined. it seems a lot more clique-y and high school and drama filled but hey maybe it was that way when i was active but i just never noticed. had many fun lunches with my grand little but man there is a lot of drama in asu and im just glad i wasnt in any of it. i kinda miss the old asu days of staying out late to eat or do nothing at all but also i dont miss it bc i get enough sleep and im a lot more productive without asu lmao. finally ended things with tram for good. maybe things turned out the way they did for the better. the entire friendship was such a roller coaster. im glad its over.

the end of the semester rolled around!!! and i graduated!!!! :') attended my sisters graduation which was pretty boring bc high school students have such a narrow view of life (not to say that college students are any better). attended my own graduation. felt really fortunate to have jessa and anthony there. this one kid in my graudating class gave a speech about accomplishments...and he revealed the wrestling belt he was wearing underneath his graduation gown...and then he made the grads stand up and chant thank yous to the friends and family sitting behind us. it was so embarrassing and extra omg.

shortly after graduation i was on a plane headed back to the motherland. and let me tell u. i hated most of it. it was super hot and humid and my sister and i shared about 100 mosquito bites between the both of us. also. i know i shouldnt but..vietnam is so dirty. i know its not their fault that theyre a developing country but man there are exactly zero sanitation standards and i dont even know why we were there bc the water had recently been polluted so none of the fish were edible and my mom didnt trust the food stands to have clean food either. i guess i made some new friends and visited some cool places but at what cost??? also i think my entire fam got sick bc we slept with the ac on but either way, the meds i took made me lose my sense of smell i think and i couldnt taste or smell anything for two weeks. the ac air also dried out my nose and gave me a skin infection (which i will discuss later). during our trip to danang a small ferry got flipped on the big river and a bunch of ppl died and the government tried to cover it up bc bad publicity etc. they played it off as if only a few ppl died rather than most of the ppl on the boat. our tour guide in danang was in the know tho so he told us everything and w o w that really could've been us on that river bc it was a boat the left the dock about half an hour after our boat left. crazy.

after the long and arduous journey abroad i finally made it back home...and then headed to hawaii. hawaii was dope af. 10/10 would recommend, would go back. battled the tides when we went kayaking and sadly the tides won and i lost my hat but also almost lost my flip flops if it weren't for some kind random strangers who swam out to get my flip flops. we stayed on oahu and maui. hiked up a v steep mountain in oahu. lost my hat from kayaking. got caught in the rain when we went looking for a beach on the first day. had some of the best shaved ice ever. attended my first luau. fell asleep during the first part of a fire dancing show (bc the fire hadnt started yet). essentially pulled an all nighter to try oahu's famous bakery that opened at 3am. flew to maui but due to poor planning we arrived 4 hours earlier than check in lmao. the house we had in maui was so beautiful though omg. it was ocean side so we could hear the waves every night and it just felt so peaceful and tranquil to sit on the balcony in the mornings, just staring out at sea. in maui we went snorkeling. the last time i went snorkeling was like...10+ years ago...in cancun...and the water was freezing...and i also thought i was lost in the middle of the ocean on our way to the snorkeling location... but anyway! the snorkeling this time was so cool omg they had prescription swimming goggles so i could see EVERYTHING. they also provided lunch which was dope. it started raining on our way back to shore though lmao. the next day we drove all the way up the volcano in maui...to find that the top was foggy af and we couldnt see anything. the road up was pretty nasty bc super windy and 10000 ft elevation. it got really foggy after like 6000ft so we basically drove in all fog until the top which was still foggy but also like 20 degrees colder than the rest of maui. maui is super rural omg. we tried to find a place to eat after our trek but there were barely any food places in sight. we picked a random spot in the middle of nowhere and then decided to take the road to hana (which is on the opposite side of where we were staying, and was about 3 hrs away. and boy did we mess up. we took the alternate road there and it was scarier than going up the volcano bc 1) windy 2) small ass roads which were unpaved at certain points and 3) cliff hugging roads..i cant believe i made the drive there and back it was so terrifying omg. not sure if i would go back. at one point there was a big ass cow in the middle of the road. once we got to hana though, the hike was really nice despite the humidity. almost died crossing the river at the end to see the waterfall. all the rocks had big ants on them!!! how was i supposed to cross the river!!! we missed out on the wading pools though but we were so starving by that time. made the 3 hr drive back and everyone was dead. spent the last day on maui not doing much bc rainy and we were all so dead.

about two weeks after i got back from hawaii was training week in sac for my first big girl job. ngl but i felt super homesick that first night. idk why since i would be home by the end of the week anyway. probably just overwhelmed by how fast everything was happening. graduation and now transitioning into a full time job. scary stuff. but i did make a really good friend in sac so it didnt turn out so bad!!! training was pretty fun bc our presenter was pretty engaging. except when we went over the boring stuff and i was v close to falling asleep. did get to catch up with some of my sac friends though which was nice. went to the state fair for the first time as well. it was..exactly as expected but hotter lmao. my family went to san diego at this time bc my sister was going to comic con but i couldnt make it :(

got back from training and started my first big girl job. im not sure what i expected but it was easy but also hard? my first engagement i was only with one other senior and she was super nice and pretty and really good at lettering. i dont feel like i learned much? i only really did the tasks given to me but i feel like half the time i wasnt even sure what i was doing. i also hated the commute all the way back from walnut creek. the going there wasnt so bad bc i got a ride out to oakland but man it would take forever to get home. :'( my second engagement was just me and a partner and i feel like she expected me to know everything...but i didnt know anything...so i mostly sat around a lot??? esp bc she wasnt on site every day so i had zero supervision. :/ towards the end of the second engagement i got an email from the city saying that they were accepting me into their accounting position and i was like oh shit. i ended up taking the job, which gave me a week in between quitting the first job and starting the second, which i used to go back to LA lmao bc i had a season ticket to universal. actually ate at the three broomsticks this time. it was defs filling and i thought it was a good bang for buck. attempted to go to the walking dead tour..chickened out..twice. i probs would've died in there tbh. also went to disneyland!!!! that was lit. their macone-roni and cheese was da bomb. saw world of color for the first time except it was the 50th anniversary edition so it wasnt so great. bumped into the couple that was in jbieb's love yourself video. tried some new food places in LA and saw some old friends, again.

started my second big girl job. all my coworkers are super nice except the big boss is kind of crazy and anal. but we deal with it. my supervisor is so nice :'( work isnt so bad bc i dont do much lmao. the hardest part sometimes is just staying awake if im being honest. getting paid to do nothing is the life tho.

spent my birthday weekend in monterey. we were supposed to go atv-ing but ended up going wine tasting but also not really bc we liked the first wine so much we got a bottle of that to share. it was really cold that weekend surprisingly so we stayed in and then went to this spa place on a whim and it was definitely an interesting experience.

went as a rice bag for halloween and i think that was probably my greatest costume to date. except we ended up going to a party full of white ppl...and i was like the only asian there gdi

tagged along w my sister when she went to sd. got to see many friends!!! went clubbing as well and that was lit. took michelle clubbing for her 21st birthday, also lit. squadsgiving and christmas were super fun. got some supplies for bullet journaling so guess thatll be my new years resolution. but also to take more photos bc i didnt buy that camera for nothing.

okay so in conclusion. i did a lot of stuff this year. it feels like it was mostly all highs. or maybe i just block out the lows but im pretty sure there were way more highs than lows. 2016 was a great year tbh. oh yeah i also passed two of four parts of my cpa exam!!! woot. in 2016, i learned a lot...of accounting lmao. plus i ran my first 5k!!!!! oh yeah and i joined a gym and now im getting swole af. im not sure what my reflections are. i guess, if i were to compare 2k16 kim to 2k14 kim i've for sure come a long ways. i wasnt afraid to try new challenges and conquer them. i stepped out of my comfort zone multiple times, sometimes with the help of alcohol. i got my shit together and really focused in school (which got me a 4.0 during my last year of college). i also got my shit together and studied my ass off for the cpa (which is still ongoing i crey). i really wanna say this was probably one of my best years with everything i was able to do and everything i achieved. so here's to you, 2016, and may 2017 be even better!!!

[areswriting]

a x e : iii

“Abram, did you hear me?”

Elise’s voice shakes with a second and third apology, but I keep my head down, hands folded tightly beneath my chin. Hockey practice and a four mile run did nothing to tame the beast inside me, so willing to rear its ugly head, so hard to contain. I don’t know what might crawl out of me if I speak to her, much less look at her.

“Abram, you can’t be mad at me over this,” Elise continues, her voice straining further. “We’re friends, right? Please, accept my apology. I didn’t mean it.”

Heart racing, I slide out of my seat and head for the door.

“Abram? Where are you going? Mrs. Pierce is trusting us not to leave!” The click of Elise’s heels on the tile lets me know she’s following me—as a warning to turn away, I push the door open with so much force that it hits the outside wall with a loud thud.

“Abram!” Elise shouts, and I feel her cold, bony hand snatch my forearm. She tries to urge me to face her just as I pull myself out of her graveyard of a grasp.

“You really need to leave me alone, Elise,” I say, stepping toward her.

Instinctively, she steps away—her back against a row of pale green lockers.

“I said I’m sorry,” she says. “Why can’t you just get over it? And not once have you said sorry to me, by the way.” She moves, as if she’s going to walk away, as if she’s going to get the last word, as if she’s going to add another insult to injury. “Strays can’t learn new tricks, can they?”

I shove my hands against the lockers, trapping her there.

“There you go again,” I say, slapping the ball of my right hand against a locker door. The whole thing moves and clatters. “What the hell do you want from me? One minute you declare our friendship and the next I’m just a stray with a fat girlfriend? Fuck that!” I shout the last words and hit the locker again, only this time with my fist. I feel my scars opening up, the blood trickling down my knuckles. But the ache in my chest is gone.

“I’m so goddamn tired of people like you—fucking manipulative and cruel people who only care about you when it’s convenient for them. I have enough of that in my life, I don’t want it from you. Do you hear me, Elise?” I move in closer and shout, “Do you hear me?” as I let my first slam into the locker again; this time it hits dangerously close to the left side of her head.

The blind rage fades and the look of complete terror on her face anchors me to the ground. I swear I think she’s shaking—and so am I. Half from anger, half from fear. What did I just do? I look at her closely—and I feel a weight lift off of my shoulders that there is no blood on her face. I had gone so mad with anger that I wasn’t fully aware of what I had just done until it was over. Bile rises in my throat and I turn away from her, ashamed that I allowed my father to root himself into me so deeply that he can come out whenever he wants.

△ ▼ △ ▼

I feel myself hyperventilating as I wash the blood from my hands; Crimson swirling down the sink—forever staining the bright white porcelain. I look at myself in the mirror and I see my mother looking back at me. With sad blue eyes and lips pinched into a thin line of disappointment, because my mother knew nothing of anger—and I greet it like an old friend.

I fling the water from my hands and look at the bathroom counter; a green pill bottle sits close to the sink from all of the times I considered taking them, but never have. The urge to take one rises and I run my fingers through my hair in thought.

A heart beat later, my phone buzzes from my pocket.

S: Kai?

I sink to the floor and stare at the screen of my phone, knees pulled against my chest.

K: Sylvia, I did something bad.

S: What happened?

K: I let my anger get the better of me and I scared not only myself, but someone else, too. A girl at my new school, she’s been pretty awful to me Syl. We got into an argument and I think I blacked out. I thought I hit her. I didn’t, I hit a locker but when I came out of it, I thought I did. I’m really scared. I’m not like this.

S: I know you’re not. Maybe she deserved it, then. Girls at that school can be terrible.

K: No one deserves that, Syl.

S: And you don’t deserve to be treated so poorly.

K: Who do you know here?

S: No one worth wasting time talking about. I’ll text you in the morning, I’m really tired.

K: Me too. I love you, Sylvia.

Hours later, I find the strength to pick myself up from the bathroom floor, but only enough to get me to my bed. I scroll through my call log—September, August, July, June…

Mom

↱ Mobile [phone]:52pm

My thumb hovers over the last time I called my mother—the last day that she was alive. With a deep breath, I tap the screen, and a picture of us smiling together pops up, and the line begins to trill. Once, twice…

“Hey, you’ve reached Emilia Dyer. I can’t take your call right now, but if you leave your name and number I’ll call you back! Thanks.”

The phone beeps and I swallow the lump in my throat.

“Maman, je ... Tu me manques vraiment en ce moment et, euh, j'avais besoin d'entendre ta voix ... Je t'aime.”

I choke back tears as I end the call, sending a voice message no one will ever hear.

△ ▼ △ ▼

I skate into a sea of white and green jerseys—usually a tactic to troll your opponent; but for me, at this game, it was like going home. I take my helmet off and tuck my stick under my arm. The Boston Bear’s goalie is the farthest away, but the first to notice me.

“Holy shit! Dyer?!” Brody hollers.

Everyone on their end of the ice turns to look at me—and before I know it I’m being knocked to the ground by almost off of my old teammates. Eventually, the dog pile ends and Brody helps me to my feet, his Cheshire-cat smile fully exposed as he pulls me in for a hug. I know we look like a couple being reunited—because everyone always thought we were. Some things never change, not even after months of absence.

“I can’t believe you go to this preppy bullshit school,” he

says. “At least they have a decent hockey program.”  

“Yeah,” adds Blake, who gives me a playful push. “Have you  grown a vagina yet?”

I laugh. “Not yet, but I think all of them have,” I say, using  my stick to point at the yellow and purple jerseys behind me.

“I miss you guys.”  

“Bro, we miss you, too,” says Blake. “Hey, no matter who wins or loses this one—we’re partying after.”

I nod and put my helmet back on before skating back to the right side of the ice for warm-ups. It’s bittersweet seeing my old teammates like this—and if it wasn’t for my competitive nature, I would throw the game so that they would win.  

Instead I play my heart out and focus on not passing the puck

to the wrong team. Their last names

printed bold and green are too familiar and I try not to fall into old habits.

I see the name ROSE on a yellow jersey and slap the puck to

him—mostly because he is the only person who is open. He is

able to get his stick on it and  slide it past Brody’s knee and

into the net. Everyone on the team gathers to celebrate his

goal and my assist—only I’m the odd man out, and  I get a

single pat on the helmet from a kid named Sebastian.  

I try to shake it off and continue to focus on winning the

game—which is tied 1-1. There’s no luck in the third period,

or the five minute overtime—so the game goes into a

shootout. A Bears forward goes first, but Tucker denies them.

Then Jason is up for us,  but he shoots right into Brody’s

glove.

Coach taps me on the shoulder and urges me onto the ice. I

skate to center ice and let the puck

dance from the end of my stick. The advantage I have on Brody is knowing all of his weak spots.

The advantage he has on me is knowing the move I always go for. It all comes down to speed. Can

he block me faster than I can get the puck over his shoulder?

No.

The buzzer sounds and the crowd cheers. I don’t even try to

celebrate with the guys in yellow. Instead I leave the ice

entirely.

△ ▼ △ ▼

S: How did your game go?

K: We won in a shootout! Bittersweet, tho. I played my old school. Upside is now we’re partying together.

S: Awesome. Don’t get too drunk and kiss other girls.

K: Baby, you’re the only person I want to kiss.

I put my phone back into my pocket and finish my beer. I thought I felt at home with them on the ice—but now I feel like I’m really at home. Their Coach rented the biggest cabin I’ve ever seen, and it reminded me so much of my aunt and my mother. Though there were a few things out of place—like drunk girls drowning in Chanel, and the random dude-bro here and there from Middlebury Academy. Though, they were like me. The rich bastard children of the school.

“Abram!” a shrill voice says. I look across the room to see Sophie waving her arm wildly at me. Thought I’m more concerned about who she has standing beside her. Elise.  

“You have a fan club?” asks Brody, who is sat beside me on the kitchen counter. “And you go by Abram now? What the f***, Kai?”

“Who is Kai, and where is my drink?” Sophie says, flinging her hair over her shoulder.

Brody grabs a bottle of Miller High Life and offers it to her. “This,” he inclines his head toward me, “is Kai. Who is your friend?” he asks, looking at Elise.

“Um, hello,” Sophie holds her hands up. “Acrylics. I can’t open that.” She looks at me after shoving the beer away. I notice Brody roll his eyes as he pops the cap off. “So you used to be called Kai? How is that a nick-name for Abram?”

“It isn’t,” I say. “Malachi is my middle name. I used to go by Kai,” I explain, and I pick up a bottle of beer and hold it out for Elise. “Brody, this is Elise, Elise, Brody.”

Brody flashes a smile at her. “Wow, Kai, things sure have changed for you, huh?” he jabs his elbow into my side and laughs.

“I’m surprised to see either of you here,” I say, mostly speaking to Elise. “I didn’t think that this was your type of scene.”

“Well, it isn’t the Ritz, but Elise here saw your Instagram story and you guys looked like you were having so much fun,” Sophie shrugs. “Plus, your Snapchap is geotagged. So we knew exactly where to find you.”

“That’s not fucking creepy or anything,” Brody whispers. I snort.

“So, Abram, you want to go somewhere quiet?” asks Sophie.

“Actually,” I clear my throat. “I need to talk to Elise about something.” I rub my fingers over my raw knuckles and swallow hard. “Come outside with me?”

I can see the hesitation from her body language but she nods, and I hop off of the counter. I lead Elise to the backdoor of the cabin, which opens up onto a huge wrap-around deck that overlooks the lake. I let her out first then shut the door behind us.

“We can go down to the bonfire if you want,” I say, gesturing to the stairs. “It is sort of cold.”

This time she takes charge and I follow behind her down the wooden stairs and onto grass. She takes a seat by the fire, and I sit far enough away from her to show that I’m not a threat.

“I want to tell you something,” I say, glancing from her to the fire. “Something I haven’t told anyone. Well, no one here.” I take a swallow of a fresh beer and run my hand down the side of my face. “Back in June, um, my mom died. Car accident,” I explain. “I was driving when someone came into our lane and hit us head on.”

I let out a shaky breath, the words burn as they come out, and I look at Elise. “She was everything to me, the only family I had, my best friend. And, uh. She’s gone…and now I’m here, where I don’t belong, forced to live with a man who has never claimed me as his own, and I know he never will. And, I’ve come to terms with that—or I thought I did. I don’t know. But what I do know, is that ever since I lost her, my world hasn’t been right. I haven’t been right.”

I turn to face her and I feel tears well in my eyes—I think she can see them pooling, but I don’t let them fall. I let them dry, like the back of my throat. “Sorry can’t fix what I did the other day, and I’m not using anything as an excuse—it’s just, I have no one, not really. I am a stray. And you insulted the one constant person in my life. And it hurt me, because I know how much it would hurt her if someone said something like that to her.”

“But even sometimes, I don’t have her,” I go on, and I am not sure why I am still talking about Sylvia. I sigh and shake my head. “I’m lonely, Elise. And you—you were the first person who gave me the time of day here—and yes you hurt me, but that doesn’t change anything. We have a connection, and…I think we need each other.” I lick my lips and scoot a little closer. “I can forgive you, but can you forgive me?”  

#ae #my writing