#I PROMISE THIS IS THE ONLY SPOILERY THING I WILL POST THIS MONTH
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Backhoe Bonus Drabble
This is a random summer scene that doesn't fit into any of my Backhoe chapters. I'll have a series of these that I'll probably add on as a separate work in the Backhoe series after the whole fic is finished, but have a tumblr drabble for now. This takes place during the time jump between chapters 19 and 20. I don't think it's majorly spoilery, and I don't think you need to read the fic to get it. If you like to read a fic pure with no surprises whatsoever, maybe read the fic first.
Chapters 1-20 are here, chapters 21 and 22 are mostly ready and will post this week and next, probably going to be like 25 chapters total please stop laughing at me I'm trying to end this damn thing. (initial chapter count was like 5) (go ahead and laugh) (but also feel free to encourage me, I think I'm finally out of my writer's block, yay!)
Late July:
Ever since Bucky became manager for his crew, he’s tried to make sure they don’t have unexpected afternoons off. On the one hand, sure, there’s nothing better than finishing a job early and peacing the fuck off to head home. On the other, well, you don’t get paid for hours you don’t work. So, he tries to make it so everyone’s getting paid, is all.
But sometimes, the timing just doesn’t work out like that. Right now, it’s 1 pm on a Friday, and they’ve wrapped up this gig, and it don’t make sense to start on the next job till Monday morning, so everyone heads home. Bucky promises some long days next week to make up for it on that paycheck. So it’s backslaps and a few dirty jokes while they all pack up, and then Bucky’s in his truck driving the winding roads back home.
Steve’s gonna be there, he thinks, with a grin he’s glad no one can see. Steve’s just come back last night from helping out with some action out in San Francisco. Greenpeace paid him to fly out there and do trainings on art shit and paint some big-ass banners.
Bucky’d like to burst with pride when he saw those damn banners hanging from a god damn skyscraper, protesting globalization. Steve was on strict orders from Greenpeace and one J.B. Barnes not to get arrested himself; he just painted the banners. Bucky had shown the pictures to Peter, cause Peter was the only guy at work he’s out with on both the politics stuff and on the gay stuff. Peter’s genuine “Holy shit, man” was worth all the teasing that followed about how fucking lovesick Bucky is about his sexy little anarchist boyfriend.
But also, he had missed Steve, fuck it all but he did, and dammit the guy was only gone five days. It doesn’t bode well for when Steve goes back to college next month, but Bucky’s never been one to worry about a debt before it comes due. That just means suffering twice.
Bucky listens to the truck for any errant noises as he drives. He'd thought he heard a knock this morning, but apparently whatever it was has worked itself out for now. He switches on the stereo.
Bucky tries one of the playlists Steve loves listening to, featuring Against Me! and a bunch of other political punk bands. Bucky doesn’t hate it, he doesn’t, but fuck, it’s a pretty summer’s day and the sunlight’s filtering through the leaves and everything green is just so happy to be alive and growing in the mountains right now. That music is so damn strident, sometimes a man just wants to enjoy some peace in this world and forget about all the problems. After half a song, Bucky switches to some bluegrass. He and Steve don’t have to like the same music, he figures.
Becca Jane, never shy with her opinion, has declared that Steve’s music of choice sounded "like you stuck a bull in a barrel with an electric guitar and shoved it down a flight of stairs." About three days into listening to the punk music coming out of Steve’s studio in the laundry room, she’d come home from her MCAT prep course and handed Steve a pair of brand-new bluetooth headphones and an ultimatum.
So the Barnes kids like country music and their houseguest, who happens to be Bucky's boyfriend, likes punk. Steve switched to headphones and there really haven’t been any other major conflicts with him living there. It’s kind of a miracle, Bucky thinks, as he turns onto Brushy Fork Holler Road. Jean’s out in her front yard gardening, and he raises two fingers up off the wheel to say hi, slowing in case she’s got something to say, but she just waves and looks back down to her precious rose bushes. Sometimes Bucky thinks she spends more time fussing over her flowers than Bucky does raising five kids, but to each their own. Looks pretty, anyway.
Then it's just another minute until he hears the crunch of gravel under his truck tires and he's looking at the house he's lived in his whole life.
The house is quiet when he climbs out of the truck in the driveway. No one’s expecting him, so that ain’t a surprise. The girls are probably down at the swimming hole or playing video games at Maria and Monica’s. He kicks off his boots on the front porch and goes prowling through the house. He grins when he hears Steve singing from the laundry room.
Steve’s singing is—well, the thing is, if Steve was good at everything, that just wouldn’t be fair, now would it? Steve’s a great strategist on this pipeline shit; he’s been such a help to Bucky on his quest to stop the fucking thing. He has a great head for the lawyer stuff and the activist strategy side of it. He’s learning how to cook and getting real good at it. He’s obviously a gifted artist, as everyone knows, and he’s fucking nice as hell too. The girls love him, and they are a tough audience.
And, well, he has other skills Bucky ain’t shouting to the world about, that’s private, but Bucky sure ain’t got nothing to complain about. When it comes to the bedroom, Steve’s a god damn prodigy, Bucky thinks with a shiver of pleasure down his spine. Steven Brooklyn Grant God Damn Rogers.
So it just makes sense that Steve would have a few faults, and that's the most charitable thing Bucky can say about Steve’s singing. Steve couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket—hell, he couldn’t carry a tune in a semi-truck full of buckets. He’d flip that semi right over, highway’d be backed up and on fire from here to Timbuktu.
Which is why Bucky’s at the door of the laundry room before he can piece together what song Steve’s torturing to within an inch of its life. It’s the fucking Dixie Chicks. Or just the Chicks now, whatever. Steve is obediently wearing the headphones Becca told him to wear at the risk of death if she had to hear “that atonal screeching you call music one more fucking time" and so he has no idea how loud he’s “singing”—honestly, it ain’t anything Bucky’d categorize as singing, but there are words and they are carrying through the door.
I wanna walk and not runI wanna skip and not fallI wanna look at the horizon and not see a building standing tallI wanna be the only one for miles and milesExcept for maybe you and your simple smile
Bucky feels a slow sly smile stretch across his face and pulls the door open. Steve’s singing a country music love song. Steve's facing away from him, wearing just a pair of boxer briefs and a loose black t-shirt. Bucky sees Steve's pants are in the sink; he must have gotten paint on them and taken them off to soak.
Steve's got one hand wide to the side like he's balancing on a tightrope and the other is painting some kind of white accent on a flower. He makes it look so easy, light movements bringing life wherever Steve touches.
Cowboy taaaaake me awaaaaayyy
Steve caterwauls to his flowers, and Bucky can't take the suspense anymore. He waits until the paintbrush is a safe distance from the canvas, then slips his arms around Steve's slender waist and lowers his lips to Steve's neck. Steve jumps with a little shout and whirls around, dropping his paintbrush. He jerks his earbuds out.
"You're early!" Steve gasps. He's blushing something fierce.
"Who's this cowboy you're singing about running away with, and should I be jealous?" Bucky whispers into Steve's smooth, pretty neck. He gives a small kiss. "Don't tell me I gotta fight a cowboy for your honor. I ain't much with a six-shooter, and I am kindly scared of horses."
"You're scared of horses?" Steve asks incredulously, always looking for something to direct the conversation away from his own feelings.
"Maybe they're scared of me? Me and horses never had much opportunity to get to know each other, makes more sense to be scared of horses than chickens," Bucky says, and offers a few more kisses to Steve's neck.
"Horses are majestic and chickens are evil,” Steve says darkly, and sighs, leaning into Bucky’s lips on his neck. “Hmm. Well, my cowboy is very handsome, you should definitely be jealous."
"Maybe I'll steal him away. I got lots of beans. Cowboys cain't resist a good bean."
"Well, my cowboy is good-looking but a bit slim in the brains department, so he might like you, actually."
Bucky huffs a laugh into Steve's neck, and drops a few more kisses, running his mouth softly up and down Steve's neck. Steve suddenly busts out a loud laugh, which is not the reaction Bucky was going for. He'd been expecting more of Steve's little sighs.
"What?" Bucky says in frustration, when Steve's still laughing.
"Buh—" Steve can't hardly breathe for laughing.
"Spit out whatever fool insult you've done come up with, then," Bucky says, a smile quirking up despite himself. Steve looks so fucking pleased, the jerk.
"Buckaroo!" Steve manages to burst out with a wicked grin.
"Oh, hell no," Bucky says. "Nope. Absolutely not. I ain't a fucking cowboy." Steve's still laughing at him.
"That right, Buckarooooo?" he taunts.
"I'm a hillbilly. It's different," Bucky says with a mock threat in his voice.
"Okay, okay, so what do you have that my imaginary cowboy doesn't?" Steve smirks at him. Everything is a challenge with this guy.
"Hmm, it's more of a show-don't-tell kinda thing," Bucky murmurs, moving back into Steve's space. "See, cowboys are all talk."
"So what are hillbillies?" Steve says, suddenly breathy, Bucky notes with satisfaction.
"Action, Stevie, we're about action."
It ain't but a second till Bucky's pulled out that sweet little sigh he wanted from Steve, and a whole symphony of pretty sounds after that.
#stucky au#stucky fanfic#Appalachian Bucky Barnes#Artist Steve Rogers#Drabble#Idiots in Love#sweet sappy lusting
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Seventeen Moments of Spring (1973): a review
Here is the non-spoilery review/introduction/recommendation I promised.
For many of us living in the post-Soviet states, this title needs no introduction. It’s impossible to remember how old I was when I encountered a Stierlitz joke for the first time — elementary school age, maybe earlier? What I didn’t realize was that the show had become such a hit not just because of its effective mythmaking or because the hero is absurdly badass, though both of these things are true. It is also genuinely brilliant TV that stood the test of time with ease.
Seventeen Moments of Spring turns 50 in a few months. That means that as good as the show is, it is of course also dated in several ways. The most noticeable is the pacing. This show was made for an entirely different attention span in mind. It’s not a problem of a slow start — the stakes are established within the first episode. But every individual scene takes more time than it would have taken in a modern show, and the addition of real newsreel footage slows down the action even further.
Another thing that is noticeable to the modern viewer is how gendered the story is. The nigh-untouchable (to a certain extent — no spoilers!) protagonist embodies pretty much every masculine virtue you can think of, and selflessly sacrifices his feelings for patriotic duty. There’s only one prominent female character, and she is given the opposite role: more vulnerability, more raw emotion, less opportunity for dashing heroism. The show’s director is a woman, and this might rightfully be a factor in you deciding to watch this show — but don’t let that give you false hopes for a feminist narrative.
The show is an adaptation of a single novel in a series, and that has certain effects on the plot. One of them is a huge benefit compared to what saturates the modern pop culture: the show wastes no time on establishing an origin story, opening in the final months of the war with all pieces already on the board. The main plot was perhaps better suited for a book format: I found it convoluted and difficult to follow, especially when the voiceover narration didn’t offer extra explanations. By the way, the show’s method of information delivery also needed getting used to: for me, plot developments were often confusing upon first introduction, and became clear as they were explained later.
But you don’t need to know anything about the plot beforehand. I didn’t. I was only aware of the premise — a Soviet spy in deep cover in Nazi Germany — and that was probably the perfect amount of knowledge. My viewing experience was a strange version of a completely fresh unspoiled first viewing where I had to guess where the plot was heading and concentrate hard on following it, except I’d known the protagonist’s name since childhood and so had to simultaneously observe another process: how it slowly ceased to be the name of just the joke character and became the name of a dreamy angsty hypercompetent hero I was forming an emotional attachment to.
One of the main factors of the show’s success are the attraction and sympathy the main character inspires despite — or, rather, because of — his emotional unavailability. The creators understood the appeal of a handsome man who is not only very good at his job but also represses his true self and creatively adapts it to the environment just as clearly as any modern day fangirl does. He is in tight control of not only his actions but also every emotion he allows to reach his face. The actor’s expression barely changes even in the most open, unguarded moments. And yet the hero’s exhaustion, loneliness, and homesickness are effectively conveyed with the help of the iconic music in the long, slow scenes, achieving the lyricism that became one of the most memorable aspects of the show.
Don’t look for historical accuracy here. According to several researches referenced by the Wikipedia article, the setting was more of a reflection of the USSR than a faithful depiction of the Third Reich. I assume that watching this will give you more insight on Soviet culture than on WWII.
You might want to check out this show if you are interested in:
hypercompetent protagonists
also very competent antagonists who act like three-dimensional humans and not evil cardboard cutouts
men who are emotionally repressed almost to the breaking point
Stoic Masculine Angst™
political intrigue and spy mind games
the unrelenting tension of working against some of the most dangerous people on the planet right under their nose
all sorts of people living in a totalitarian state, the roles they have chosen to play in it, and how they act when they know its days are numbered
excellent acting
black and white cinematography, intentionally chosen over color for stylistic reasons
beautiful theme music
On the other hand, here are some things that you might want to be aware of. The pacing is slow, the plot demands attention, and the material is often heavy — so it’s more of a “slow journey over 2-4 weeks” show than a “binge in two days” one. For me, the episodes usually took more time to watch than their actual runtime, and left me exhausted — and I suspect I’m not the only one. Important content warning: one of the episodes shows real concentration camp footage; you can notice when the narration starts going in that direction and prepare yourself. There are also scenes of physical and psychological torture inflicted on people of various ages starting from a very small child; they’re not gory but still disturbing. Some other scenes I found hard to watch because of how suspenseful they were. On the flip side, you might find the black uniforms and cars a tad too sleek and fashionable, and there are characters based on real Nazis who are written and played charismatically enough that you might be surprised by how happy you are to see them on screen. Don’t even try to apply any modern Western standards of representation, obviously — not only because the show is half a century old but even more so because of the setting. Ignore the colorized version if you encounter that, watch the black and white original.
Finally, I can’t not mention why I suddenly decided to watch this classic after having zero interest in it throughout my entire life. The last few months of 2022 were brightened for me by two works of fiction:
A star-filled, stylish cult 1973 drama about a Russian man in a violent Western European environment, featuring a time/clock motif and a major female character named Katya
A 12-episode TV show about the fight against fascism, notable for portraying the antagonists as humans as opposed to one-dimensional evil caricatures, and likely to irritate some viewers with its slow pacing
I started watching Seventeen Moments of Spring because it was a classic antifascist espionage TV show from 1973, and was amazed to discover that it also shared all other features listed above. It’s not often you watch something at just the right time mostly by coincidence! Shout out to the film that is definitely real and the show that might be a fandom’s collective fever dream (or is that the other way around?) for bringing me here.
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It's no problem at all and thank you so much or saying that. And I can’t blame you for getting sidetracked with a lot of thing sine I have been known to get that as well and it is also one of the reasons it took me so long to even write all of that previous message out. I really am and I’m really looking forward to seeing what the next chapter has to bring. I’ve seen some spoilers of it and am curious to see it all together in English. I’ve already told my friend about it so hopefully she’ll also watch it one day, though I’ not sure whether she’ll read the manga because she doesn’t have that much time but hopefully she will. I’ve spammed her with picture of Mikuni and she likes his design so hopefully one day.
And I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Damn, 500. That’s seriously so much. But it is good that it will help in keeping the blog going for the months to come. It’s cool. What’s important is that you enjoy writing them and even though I have blocked your avalanche of spice tag, I’m looking forward to anything else you’ll give us, be it unrequested or requested. I see, that makes sense and then you don’t have to face any kind of filler while consuming Black Butler. Me too. Feel free to share your thoughts about it with me when the time comes. I see. I also have that sometimes with actors and I’ll just be looking at them on the screen, hoping to remember their name or where I saw them before and if I can’t remember, I’ll just IMDB them. Thank you so much. And that they most definitely do.
Oh, I see, that makes sense and I love that your replies can go overboard because of that. Yeah. I just had the problem of adding short text message after text message to her and it was just a bit much to her to respond to all of those texts (since we talk in WhatsApp and we usually reply to the text itself, one after another) when she did respond so now I’m trying to do a maximum of 10 messages per go (unless images are involved but I still try to keep it to a small amount). But thank you so much for saying that 😭 Yeah, the chapter really was. Like it concentrated on my favourite team after a big important match and I just loved seeing the interact and everything. Well, I had actually already kind of seen them grown up before since the last non-special chapter has a scene of various characters in the future and even after that there’s a special chapter with that semi-fave boy in the future but not like this. Like the clothes that he wore in the previous post-timeskip chapters and the clothes he wears here are so different. That was actually was I was talking about with my friend so it’s like even though I’ve seen him as a grown-up before, not like that and it’s really nice. Not only that but his smile and what he said was so great and you bet I cried. Not only then but like while reading the whole chapter. I don’t actually know when I started crying but seeing him there at the end really does make me so happy and I now often just check that picture out because even in the anime, you can’t help but love that smile. It’s just so gentle 😭 (though what he says is so teasing and I absolutely love it). Could I send you the picture? I’ll take what he says out so it’s absolutely non-spoilery and the only spoiler thing is how he turns out as a 29 year old but yeah, just can’t help but ask. And yeah, I actually already know what they became because of the last non-special chapter and even though I never thought about what they’d become, it all makes sense and you bet I’m proud of them, all of them, for where they ended up. Though the author did give a bit of extra info on that guy for him in the future and I’m still absolutely here for it. People want him and I love it (I don’t know how else to word it without giving you spoilers but it’s nothing weird, I promise). And of course 💕 Your Ever Young plan makes sense.
That’s great to hear 😄 Oh, so you’re almost there, nice. And that’s amazing to hear about the Nanbaka manga. I hope all chapters are great quality and that the story’s good. The Discord I’m in is at chapter 224 so we’re quite a bit behind but I love the way it’s translated so I’ll stay with that for that.
That makes sense. I also recently had to do that for something else that I can talk to you about in the DMs if you want. But that does sound annoying, damn. Yeah, the fogging up is also annoying. And I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you still get to rest plenty and that you have a speedy recovery.
As a seasoned AO3 poster, I’ll give you the basis of what I know sine I am someone who does tend to put my story first into the HTML window. Though I’ll also say that you can put your story into the ‘Rich Text’ window and work with that, since you can easily align your text in there and you can select that you want to italicise it or bold it or something like that. I just like italicising my story in the HTML window since for me, it’s quite easy to type the right thing at the beginning and end of what’s supposed to be italicised (<i> at the beginning and you close it off with </i>). I also recently learned (at least I think that’s the case) that you can’t do superscript in the rich text bit so if you want to do that it’s <sup> at the beginning and </sup> at the end. Though there is the danger that your text will become like one block in the writing thing if you go from one section to another so I always click on the ‘Preview’ button, then go back to editing and then go to the other section. Hope this is clear and helps in some kind of way. Gods, just the thought of all those sounds is killing me so I totally understand. If I have to, I can shut out unpleasant noises while I’m in the zone but yeah, music isn’t unpleasant and I wouldn’t want to shut it out so I rather just write with the hum of my computer as the only constant noise. Thank you.
C
Of course 😊 Thanks for understanding whenever I get sidetracked! Like I said, I always wish there were just a couple more hours in the day so that I’d have extra time to do all the things I need to do and then more of the things I want to do, haha. Don’t even worry about taking long to reply to our messages! They’re always lengthy so I expect delayed responses because of that, especially since everyone has their own lives and stuff going on. And I’m really so intrigued by what’s going to be revealed in the next couple chapters – I’ve been good about avoiding Servamp spoilers past Chapter 134…I have my theories about some things but I’m hoping for quick translations of the rest so that I can see if those theories are right, because if they are, good god will that be a nicely done twist. And I hope your friend gets around to checking it out! The art in the manga really is beautiful and like I mentioned, I screenshot a lot of mangacaps every time I read something and go and look at several of my favourites when I have sad moments. I picked a couple that are relatively non-spoilery, ones that really speak to the theming of the story, just in case seeing the art and characters makes any of my lovely readers more likely to go and check it out!
I’m always so flattered whenever someone says they’re looking forward to hearing me ramble about things so thank you so much for that. And yeah, I’m really so flattered and happy that the event was such a hit this time and I’m hoping everyone is finding the queue as useful and enjoyable as I am. I’m keeping it at one a day just because I’m barely writing at the moment, all caught up in rereads and such, but the queue is currently at about two months, so I can relax and do stuff like that without any worries about not being active enough on here for you lovely readers 😊 And that is a load off my shoulders and results in a much happier Dee. When I am writing though, I’m really enjoying doing so, because there’s a great variety of characters, fandoms, and genres to write because I included and distributed the unused fandoms evenly amongst all my fandoms and the characters. I hadn’t thought about the fillers I’ll be avoiding that way but you are right and now I’m even more sure about going manga. Some filler is fun but some is…awful, if I’m to be truly honest. And I definitely will share my thoughts when I get to that point in the rereads. I’m just about to finish up the last five chapters in Dogs: Bullets & Carnage today and then because I’ve hit two really heavy series back to back, I’m taking a nice break and reading through Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-kun! I’ve been doing great – once I finish Dogs, that makes five fandoms I reread/caught up on the source material for!
Ah, as always, it’s a relief to hear people enjoy my absolute novels that I write to them, haha! I textwall like a bugger, but at the same time, you lovely readers are all so fascinating and fun and interesting to talk to, how can I not! And I’ve never used WhatsApp but I can get that getting textwalled via text can be a little harder to keep up with in comparison to getting textwalled in say, the tumblr dm’ing system or via email. But I can also imagine that WhatsApp is a lot better about word counts and image sharing! And I’m so glad to hear that the special Haikyuu!! chapter was all that you had wanted it to be. (Side note but I’m so upset – the Haikyuu!! manga disappeared from my manga reading app so looks like unfortunately I’m going to have to go anime only on that one, though I prefer reading). And that’s so cool, that the series gives time and space to see these characters grown up. I find a lot of sports manga is honestly really good about things like that, because we are all always so curious to see what our favourite teenagers will grow up into. Ooh, did his fashion choices get better, worse, or just really different? I’m just so glad that it gave you extra for a character you adore so much and I know that his smile really makes you happy so yay 😊 Please, of course feel free to send through the pictures, especially since you’re willing to take out the text so I don’t get spoiled. It really does warm my heart when people are willing to take in consideration spoilers and such because unfortunately, though I love my friends dearly, not all of them are so careful about spoilers haha.
I can completely get sticking with the translation you prefer, so I’m glad it’s got at least that many chapters for Nanbaka and I’ll be careful, when I get to Nanbaka and catch up on it, that I don’t spoil anything past that point for you! The quality should be good, I’m hoping, and my favourite thing about my manga app is that it, by default, takes the images down to medium quality (good enough to read but not high-res images) but if I want, I can go and set the pages to be a higher resolution, which really helps for chapters where the images are grainy in medium res. And please go ahead and talk to me about anything in the dm’s! You have me curious. And thank you for the well-wishes. Unfortunately, I’m an absolute moron and I smoke, so colds tend to hang around longer than they would otherwise, but I’m healing up really well. And thank you so much for the run-down on AO3 posting! That’s very helpful to know and having a preview feature will really be a godsend for me. I was super worried I’d post and then have to go back and edit a million and one times to fix anything that didn’t look right. And I don’t mind HTML, I just always struggle with the paragraphs and breaks in HTML a little but it’s good to know that 😊 And it’s always lovely that everyone writes in such different ways and is an interesting thing for me. What about any of you lovely readers out there, on top of C? Is there anything you listen to while writing or any writing habits you have – things you need in front of you, areas you need to be, etc?
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Sun Fueled Rage CUT CONTENT: #1 Unity
Hi everyone! So throughout writing only the first 5 chapters of SFR, there have been a lot of changes to what was initially planned. (Moving scenes around, adding scenes in that weren’t there before etc). While the story has mostly received a net *increase* in size overtime there are still certain scenes that I originally had planned that had to be cut for various reasons.
I thought it would be a fun idea to possibly share some of these ideas with you (Provided that they are not too spoilery) . I currently have two scenes that I was almost certain I was going to include in chapters 1-5 but these ended up not being included. I’ll be sharing what one of these was going to be today. If you want to see the other one and you want me to make this a thing in the case that more content gets cut from the story, please do not hesitate to let me know! I think this could be fun to do. Just keep in mind that the scenes I will be presenting are descriptions of what the scene *would’ve* been as the two scenes right now were cut before being written. They *were* put into the outline however and it wasn’t until trying to write them in the actual story did I realize there were problems associated with them which is why I consider them cut content. Also keep in mind that most of this is coming from memory, and while I still remember what I wanted to do with the scenes pretty well, their reasons for cutting might be misremembered to some degree. If I realize a correction, I’ll try to edit the post and inform you all. Who knows, when SFR is finished, and if you all want it I could try to make an AO3 story which contains these scenes as fully written one-shots. No promises though.
It goes without saying but for all of these scenes, spoilers ahead for those of you who haven’t read SFR.
The cut scene we will look at today is a scene from Chapter 1 which I have dubbed “Unity”. Originally this was meant to be very small scene where Ezran and Zym get a portrait painted together as part of the events on the day the treaty was signed. The scene would’ve been foreshadowed during the conversation where the gang was walking through the Katolis halls together while they were on their way to the meeting room for the more diplomatic portion of the day. It would’ve been brought up with Ezran groaning about it and Zym, in response, with his usual snarky nature, bringing up the fact that Ez should be happy because he had the easier pose to do in the painting.
The painting would then be painted during the festivities and would involve Ezran sitting on Zym’s back smiling adorably while Zym gave his signature smirk along with a wink for the portrait. (This is why Zym told Ez he had the easier pose because... he did... Zym had to stand there like that forever *with* Ezran on his back while Ez just got to sit there. Zym would’ve brought this up during his snarky remark in the hallway earlier, all in good natured banter of course). I’m calling the scene unity due to the fact that that is what the painting would’ve been named. It’s kind of the first thing I came up with when planning the scene.
This scene was cut for a couple reasons. Initially it was pretty hard to fit into the flow of events of everything. I can remember when writing, trying to find a way to get it in without it feeling forced felt really hard. On top of that, the real nail in the coffin for this scene if I remember correctly was the fact that portraits like this take weeks or MONTHS to do. They wouldn’t have had the time to do this during a one-day event. Also the chapter ended up reaching 16k words even without this scene. The scene, while nice, would’ve probably just made the chapter longer unnecessarily. I also vaguely remember (though I don’t know if this is actually true, my memory may have been getting it jumbled) that I think I planned to describe the unity portrait getting burned up as the castle burned down in chapter 5 as a sort of symbolic thing. Like the end of unity or whatever. After the painting idea was thrown out though, I then considered burning the treaty, but looking at the castle burning scene now I honestly don’t know how I would’ve done either of those without it feeling jarring considering our pov character is OUTSIDE.
So yeah, that was the first scene that unfortunately had to be axed. I really wanted to include it at first because it would’ve been a cute scene between Zym and Ez I feel that also could’ve served to further establish their dynamic and personalities. It would’ve been some more fluff to add into an already fluffy chapter before the readers got their hearts torn out. However, there were several things with this scene that just... didn’t work... so unfortunately as of now it’s only known in memory.
If you made it this far through my rambling, thank you for reading all of this and I hope you enjoyed this little insight as much as I enjoyed writing it. This scene in particular would’ve been quite small but I feel the second piece of cut content was significantly more substantial. Again if you wanna see that and have this “cut content” thing be a thing, don’t hesitate to tell me I’ll be glad to offer the the things I have as they come about.
Thank you and happy new year to everyone!
#THE DRAGON PRINCE#tdp#fanfiction#Deleted scenes#cut content#Sun Fueled Rage#God thinking back to the chapter 1 days made me remember how happy everything was then#sorry for that lmao#but it stayed that way there'd be no story so
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half shitpost. half serious. all playlist.
I decided to unceremoniously break the one rule I set for myself every single time a new season of this show is released, which is TO NOT POST SPOILERS EVER, because I figured this was too fun not to share. So, instead of outright filling your dash with my critical & ridiculous thoughts, I’ve composed them into musical format via a YouTube mixtape. It’s 27 songs long and will take about an hour and a half of your life.
Keep in mind that this playlist is FILLED WITH SPOILERS. Even though it’s mostly a joke-y song-inspired summary of the events in S6, please do not listen to the playlist until you’ve watched the entire season. It will make 0 sense, as opposed to the minuscule fraction of sense it would’ve made if you had finished watching. Plus, you’ll be mad that you ruined it for yourself. It’s honestly an interesting collection of episodes!
However, if you are indeed ready, listen to it here!
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLgZlbfm6-3v1V5C74fT9uwDZmWroOczHR
(bonus link if the first doesn’t work)
I recommend going in blind and letting it play through without reading the descriptions below until you get to the song, but if you’d rather know EXACTLY what was going through my mind when I slapped everything onto the tracklist beforehand, go wild.
MIGHTY MORPHIN' POWER RANGERS
I just wanted the thumbnail tbh, but this is a good intro track for the mess you’re about to experience.
E P I S O D E 1 - OMEGA SHIELD
MULAN - I'LL MAKE A MAN OUT OF YOU
Hunk training w/ Dayak. This one was probably the most visceral song. It was stuck in my head the absolute second he held up those weights.
BONNIE TYLER - TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART
Shielding the labor planet from the solar sequences (eclipses are tangentially related, right?) and also a very dramatic way of backing Lance getting saved by Allura.
E P I S O D E 2 - RAZOR’S EDGE
TAME IMPALA - CONFIDE IN ME (KYLIE MINOGUE COVER)
Allura slooowly trusting Lotor more and more & them being awfully flirty. In a serious sense, this is about him convincing her to let down her guard and let him in on what he wants to have.
CELINE DION - ALL BY MYSELF
Lance getting third wheeled hardcore by Allura & Lotor :( poor dude can’t catch a break.
THE WEEKND - STARBOY (ft. DAFT PUNK)
Keith coming to terms w/ Krolia. I also needed a generally serious jam so this was a good fit to fill the space.
Have you seen that one Lance fanzine by the same name though? Holy shit. The art is incredible.
QUEEN - DON'T STOP ME NOW
Keith & Krolia again, this time ft. them living together for 2 yrs on top of a giant space whale with a bootleg Blink Dog for a pet.
WOODKID - THE GREAT ESCAPE
Krolia & Tex (Keith's dad, still nameless smh) and how they were total badasses together. This is a mix between shitpost and serious because I couldn’t think of anything country/southern-related that fit the bill for their “let’s run off and hide and be together” scenario except for this song. Stuck with the horse metaphor, I guess. :P
THE KILLERS - READ MY MIND
Focus on Krolia & Tex's relationship again, her leaving him for the good of the planet and such. The lyrics are really good here, mainly
The teenage queen, the loaded gun
The drop dead dream, the Chosen One
A southern drawl, the world unseen
E P I S O D E 3 - MONSTERS & MANA
SKYRIM 8-BIT THEME
for Monsters & Mana aka BEST EPISODE. I can’t believe how nerdy they went. And how accurately nerdy they went. d20s..... playing the same classes after dying.... losing 8 hours in what feels like 8 minutes... Tomb of Horrors... they got it all.
SKRILLEX - REPTILE
CORANIC DRAGON BOSS FIGHT! ‘Cause it’s a giant, fire-breathing reptile.
NITRO FUN & HYPER POTIONS - CHECKPOINT
basically just outro-ing Monsters & Mana. I gotta say, I thought this was the best downtime episode in a while. Maybe not as fun as Space Mall, but really close.
It could also be my favorite because I have 60 D&D characters... :/
E P I S O D E 4 - THE COLONY
AC/DC - BACK IN BLACK
Keith returns not only in his dark black Blade of Marmora suit but also to reinstate his role as the Black Paladin for the time being. Kuron’s nearly confirmed as a danger at this point!
THE BEACH BOYS - WOULDN’T IT BE NICE
Romelle telling the tale of their supposed “messiah” being Lotor and all the abuse the missing Alteans went through. I wanted to get a song that accurately captured my emotions of “what the fuck” but nothing I had could match the tone. So why not go for the opposite?
FALL OUT BOY - HEAVEN'S GATE
def Allura & Lotor, mostly Allura thinking that he's finally the one. “Boost” in the lyrics probably refers to Lotor subtly trying to get out of the immoral shit he did in his past that she doesn’t know about yet.
HOE DON'T DO IT, OH MY GOD
they f u c k i n g kissed are you KIDDING ME, FOR REAL????
THE GUESS WHO - UNDUN
Everyone telling Allura that Lotor, her bf for all of 2 seconds, is actually a manipulative bastard who not only murdered but isolated and horrifically tortured thousands of her kind. You know, the kind that she believed was entirely EXTINCT except for her and Coran? Oops!
I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - MODERN DAY CAIN
Lotor betraying the team but AT LAST revealing exactly where he stands. He’s been so ambiguously untrustworthy for so long that it feels nice to get some closure.
Allura yeets him across the castle ship and it’s a work of art.
E P I S O D E 5 - THE BLACK PALADINS
SKILLET - FALLING INSIDE THE BLACK
Keith + Kuron/Shiro fight, alluding to the episode title and both of them literally “inside” of the Black Lion later on. Almost as edgy as their blades.
WOODKID - I LOVE YOU
Keith & Shiro, Keith doing his “I know you’re in there” plea. BROGANES FOREVERRRRR.
god that scene made me cry.
E P I S O D E 6 - ALL GOOD THINGS
TCHAIKOVSKY - 1812 OVERTURE
Coran & Pidge pulling off the craziest technical stunts and saving the day. I figured I needed at least one purely instrumental song on here.
CRAZY FROG - AXEL F
Keith goes nyoom, aka he asks Shiro’s spirit to help him get back to the Paladins. But nyooming feels right, just like the narm.
E P I S O D E 7 - DEFENDER OF ALL UNIVERSES
BLOC PARTY - HELICOPTER
Fighting Lotor and his knockoff Voltron. The lyrics in this one reference him ultimately becoming the father whom he despised so deeply. Sweet, sweet psychological revenge.
GLORIA GAYNOR - I WILL SURVIVE
Acxa, Zethrid, and Ezor getting tired of Lotor's shit and betraying him again. It’s a pretty snazzy battle anthem.
P.O.D. - BOOM
The Castle of Lions is destroyed (BOOM!) & Lotor is maybe dead. Action-y song for AWESOME animation.
EVANESCENCE - BRING ME TO LIFE
Allura reviving the hell out of Shiro. He’s back! Probably! And with white hair!
STEVE AOKI (ft. FALL OUT BOY) - BACK TO EARTH
We're going home.
That’s it! Thanks for listening. Feel free to send me a message telling me what you liked about the playlist; I had a lot of fun working on it for the day. Eventually I’ll post some 100% serious mixes... including lots more actual lyric analysis. Next time you’ll see spoilers from me will be July 15th, 2018!
#voltron#voltron season 6#voltron s6#voltron spoilers#voltron s6 spoilers#playlists#p#i'm posting this now in the dead of night because I know I wouldn't ever do it while I'm awake lol#I PROMISE THIS IS THE ONLY SPOILERY THING I WILL POST THIS MONTH#or uh#you have full permission to spam me with various photos of cups placed uncomfortably close to precarious edges.#anyways there are also notes in the YouTube description but due to it being finicky and no one noticing them I've decided to just stick them#verbatim into the post itself; plus some extra stuff just for u#enjoyyyy
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hiatus update
so april 18th, huh? it’d be a shame if i didn’t capitalize on this opportunity and start posting and saints again… okay, but in all seriousness that’s exactly what i’m planning on doing. i’m doing a lot better mentally, but these last few months have been an emotional rollercoaster. seriously, i can’t thank all of you enough who reached out.
updates from my last hiatus message: my personal laptop is still whacked but i’ve been getting a ton of mileage out of my work laptop and google docs. that modern au johnny/v fic i mentioned? yeah, it’s a full-blown smutty romance novel sitting at 142k right now and i’d hesitantly say it’s about 85% complete. apparently i’m also planning on posting it because of some lovely people i med on discord. i’ve also already started working on a cyberpunk space heist-type fic thing? I don’t wanna say too much because i think i’m gonna use that idea as my 2022 cyberpunk big bang fic, whenever that happens (because i’m insane and i’m not writing enough already. it’s like thanksgiving; i just keep piling things onto my paper plate hoping it won’t buckle).
i still haven’t touched my vaas fic (i know, i’m horrible), even after the dlc content came out. i loved it, btw. it was everything i could have hoped for and more. that hotel– just– ugh. it was just bad timing on my part, but also november was nanowrimo. i still can’t get over the fact that i sustained writing at least 1k a day from october 30th to december 18th (spiderman came out and i only ended up writing 500ish words that day).
as for the update i know a good portion of you all are reading this for: and saints. okay, here’s the thing, i didn’t start february thinking that bcs season 6 would be out in two months. and, hey, if i was smart and responsible, i would have pulled up and saints sooner and started tinkering with it last month when we got an official release date. yeah, no, i’m not smart. it took the swift kick in the head that was the season 6 trailer dropping and all of you coming out of the woodwork asking how things were and if i had seen the trailer or if i planned on updating and saints for season six– like, yes. yes to all of that. here’s my game plan, okay? i’m splitting chapter 39 into two chapters with three scenes each. so those two plus the next three are all around the same length outline-wise and should end up being around 5-7k words each. for those five chapters, i have collectively already written 23k words. at most, that’s only another 12k i have to write (that’s not even two weeks of writing, compared to what i had been doing. i can do this). i want all five chapters done before i start posting, because i want to do it weekly again (maybe sundays because bcs is supposed to air mondays?). i just can’t give exact dates right now because i cannot post a specific chapter on or around a specific day in april because– i can’t even say without spoiling anything. i’ll start posting again some time in april, okay? after the 5 chapters are written out i’ll see how i feel about the remaining nine (is my math right? 52 total chapters). I mean how awesome would it be if i finished and saints when the show ends, right? lol, no promises though.
below the cut, i have a hard to be a god chapter (we’re skipping a few but it’s a good stand-alone) because i literally have nothing else completed that wouldn’t be spoilery af. enjoy some jealous nacho, and take care of yourselves❤. the world is crazy right now.
TL;DR: i’m still a sad bitch, my laptop is still dead, i wrote 142k words for a modern au cyberpunk fic (like, why, though? who needs that?!), i will start posting and saints again sometime in april, check out a nacho pov scene below the cut.
“Shit, man. Tito wasn’t kidding when he said you did clean work,” Travis looked up at Nacho from where he was leaning over, his head stuck through the front window of the Javelin.
“You like it?” Nacho asked, standing near the wheel well with his arms crossed over his work shirt.
“She looks great, better than new. Thank you,” Travis stood back up and went to shake Nacho’s hand. He couldn’t help but think of the compliment Jade had given him the night previous instead.**
“So, uh,” Nacho cleared his throat as he withdrew his hand from Travis’. “Are you still planning on selling her?”
“Now that I’m seeing her done, I’ll have to think it over— Why?” Travis tore his eyes off the muscle car to give Nacho a sly look. “You thinkin’ about buying?”
“You know,” Nacho scratched at the back of his neck, “my girlfriend really loves your car.”
Travis laughed before he nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I’d say.”
“Her birthday’s coming up in February, and honestly, this is the only thing I think she’s truly wanted since I’ve met her.”
“You’re gonna buy her a seventies muscle car for her birthday? Man, that’s gotta be some kind of love,” Travis chuckled before looking across the lot towards the front office. Nacho could practically feel Jade’s eyes on his back and was surprised she hadn’t run outside yet to say goodbye to the vehicle.
“It’s some kind of love,” Nacho repeated with a sigh, his eyes scanning the bright red body of the Javelin.
“Tell you what,” Travis tapped Nacho’s bicep with the back of his knuckles. “I’ll wait a week or two before I put her up for sale. Give you some time to think it over?”
Nacho contemplated the offer for a few seconds. He knew how outrageous it was to even think about buying a nineteen seventy-three AMC Javelin for his soon-to-be twenty-year-old girlfriend. Not even that, but he could only imagine how badly her parents would flip out. “Yeah, okay. I’ll call you when I decide?”
“Sounds good. Say, where is your lady anyway? I thought she’d be all over the car when I picked it up?” Travis asked and looked back towards the office.
“Uh, I think she’s upset,” Nacho shrugged and looked over for himself. The reflection of the cloudy sky on the windows didn’t allow them to see inside the shop.
“Huh, guess so,” Travis sighed, and Nacho looked back at him. If he wasn't mistaken, Travis looked a little disappointed.
“She’d probably come out if you offered her a ride,” Nacho added, despite the twinge of jealousy he felt starting to evolve into something messier, and Travis smiled at him. “Not saying you have to, but she’s been bugging me nonstop for one for almost a week.”
“And you were able to tell her no?”
“Had to, didn’t have a say. You do, though,” Nacho suggested again, trying to get Travis to agree, if only to make Jade happy.
“I’d love to, but, no offense, you don’t seem like the kinda guy to let his girl drive off with another man,” Travis argued. He was correct, and Nacho realized he must have accidentally intimidated the man and dropped his arms to his sides.
“It’s a special circumstance. Maybe if she gets a ride, she’ll get her fill, and I won’t have to dig myself such a financially steep hole,” Nacho tried smiling at the man. Still, he couldn’t stop himself from having a fit of sickly nervous jealousy.
“Maybe,” Travis nodded. “You sure?”
“Yeah. Besides, if she doesn’t come back, I’m not doing something right,” Nacho added in jest, but it only added to the tangle of anxiety and jealousy growing in his gut.
“Cool, man. I’ll go find her. I’ll bring her back in one piece, I swear,” Travis smiled widely at him before turning and heading for the office. Nacho only managed to nod again before he crossed his arms once more over his chest. After a few moments of waiting outside, Nacho wondered if Jade wasn’t in the front at all. Maybe she’d hidden away in the workshop or the storeroom.
Just as the thought crossed his mind that he should go find her for Travis, she burst through the front door.
“Are you serious?” Jade asked him as she did her best to run over in her heels. To Nacho, she looked like a wobbling newborn deer, and he tried to smile at the thought.
“Am I serious—?” Nacho barely got out before Jade’s arms were flung around his neck and her lips crashed into his. Nacho held onto her waist and did his best not to stumble backward from the force of Jade’s enthusiasm. He could taste the strawberry lip gloss Jade had been wearing and felt his heart stutter (a reaction no makeup product had ever given him before).
“You asked Travis to give me a ride? I can go?”
“Yeah,” he answered both of her questions with a single word, and Jade let go of him, stepping out of his reach. Suddenly, with a quiet squeal and her bottom lip between her teeth, her full attention was on the vehicle and Travis.
“Travis, let’s go! Where are we going?” She was already in the passenger seat as Travis reached the driver’s side door.
“I’ll bring her back, I promise,” Travis winked at him before he got into the driver’s seat and immediately started up the loud engine. The gesture made Nacho’s hands tighten into fists. He watched them drive off the lot before he forced himself to turn back for the upholstery shop. He knew he was overreacting, especially when he licked the remnants of Jade’s lip gloss off his lips, which only added to the black knot in his stomach. Even so, Nacho couldn’t help but replay that night over the summer when he’d dropped Corey and Joel off at their apartments. Nacho witnessed how quickly Jade had kissed her ex before jumping into his van, hoping for a quick escape. He couldn’t help but feel he wasn’t far off from boring Jade to that same point where she couldn’t stand to be around him any longer. Their two months of nearly steady dating felt like a miracle in itself.
“Ay, Nacho,” he was suddenly pulled from his thoughts by Sal’s voice. “You okay, ese?”
Nacho only then realized that he’d stopped walking and had been staring at the half-open garage door, lost in his thoughts for an unknown amount of time. Sal was sitting outside on a crate, halfway through a cigarette break. He didn’t remember seeing Sal outside when he had turned around to walk into the shop.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“She’s coming back,” Sal added between puffs of his cigarette. “At the end of the day, it’s only a car, y’know?”
“Right.”
#Nacho Varga#nacho/OC#nachosverde#fanfic#better call saul#bcs season 6#and saints#michael mando#vaas montenegro#johnny/v#text post#i thought this would be a quick update and i wrote a novel instead#im sorry
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@weliveinapokemonworld asked about the relationship between Elliot and Alexis, and Elliot Alexis and Naomi! This is going to be a long one!
From the beginning, it was always Alexis and Elliot, Elliot and Alexis. They were born together, raised together, made friends together- I mean duh their hometown wasn't really big. Believe it or not, in their more younger years( 5-10), Alexis was considered the more outgoing twin, with Elliot being the ever- so shy girlie. Obviously when puberty starts to hit, there was a shift, and Elliot became more adventurous, reckless and overall more outgoing, and in return, Alexis became the cautious older brother ( I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but Alexis is the older one of the twins). Despite this change, Elliot was the one that made Alexis pinkie promise to each other that they'll never leave each other's side and well, you saw how that turned out.
Their nuzlocke journey( which , yes, I'm still doing Elliot's, I'm just taking breaks so I don't get overly stressed like Alexis'), I feel that's when the distance started to grow between the two. Which make sense: their pokemon were dying and both of them were 14 years olds who probably haven't experienced death in such a way. Well, they did experience death before, but I'll get to that when I get to that. I feel like Elliot, would actively try to go for her brother, since her parents are so far away and she doesn't want her journey to end, but everytime they meet, Alexis is slowly getting more and more drained.
I feel like I already talked in detail about the Big Leave( Sidenote: I wanted to do a small fic/ one-shot between Elliot and N with Elliot getting mad at N cause she blamed him for Alexis running away to " look for him" but only to end up crying cause she really just thought she did something wrong. It was going to end with Elliot inviting N to her house cause the man does not have a place to stay. I'm kinda mad that I never finished that), so let's talk about the big return. Obviously things are rocky between the two. Alexis was in a state if isolation that did not help his mental state whatsoever, and Elliot has no many ( angry) words to say that she holds back on cause holy shit, her brother looks so broken. Cheren, being Alexis' not really ex but also kinda ex, didn't hold back though, and Bianca, precious Bianca, actually gave him the silent treatment for a bit. Now in her head she thought that Alexis thought that this outcome from Cheren and Bianca made him believe that he was now truly alone in this world and all that jazz which pushed her further into keeping her thoughts to herself. In other words, she's a hypocrite. She wants her brother to be honest with her when she's not being honest with him. Now that's not to say she didn't punch him, or chew him out a bit- she did. Trust me she did. But after that? All of her qualms with her brothers action was tight lipped.
Okay let's go onto Naomi cause this is getting long. However, I'm not gonna go too deep into the three, since I'm kinda already writing about it( SwSh rewrite). Though I'll admit its taking a while, so I guess I'll give you something. Naomi, Alexis and Elliot had only met once before her gym challenge. At her father's( and the twins uncle) funeral ( unless you count video calls with baby Naomi). Given how Leon was on his gym challenge and later became champion, I feel the funereal happened a year after. So Naomi was only 6, and Alexis and Elliot were only 13( or 12 depending on the month the funereal took place, which I haven't decided on). So obviously, the three didn't meet on the best of times. I feel like the twins would try really hard to either distract Naomi from the fact that her dad passed away, or they should try to gently tell her that her dad is no longer with them, since I feel that she wouldn't understand what's happening ( I was thinking of a certain full metal alchemist scene) . Of course, the two are very emotional pre-teens, so they couldn't really break down the news to her in a meaningful way. Though, in the short time they had stayed in Galar, the three did bond a little bit.
Fast forward to now and this is slightly spoilery( putting this in bold so you know it's might be getting spoilery!), but I haven't even finished the chapter yet, and I still need to edit, so some things might change between now and who knows when the chapter is done( I don't even know if I'm gonna post it on tumblr yet), BUT I will say that at the mention of her cousins from her mom, since Naomi already knew the two were coming to Galar, she can't really remember their faces. And she would just chalk this up to her being six and not every six year old remember things ( especially given how it was involving her dad's funeral) but it was always so odd that she can't remember. It was always....foggy? Hard to see? Whatever it's probably nothing.
Going back to more general stuff, the twins act like mentors for Naomi, giving her advice about pokemon battles, pokemon, wild life( even though it's a bit different than what they're used to). However they also pose as obstacles, since the two, especially Alexis, ate extremely protective of her, not wanting her to get involved with any of the dynamax situation. At all. Which kinda ends up falling flat, cause eventually she will get herself involved, whether they like it or not....if she has the confidence for it.
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Ethari knows! - a happy theory for once
Thanks to @lily-lilou, I took a look at a TDP official tweet from a few months back. And now that TTM and its AMA’s are out, something clicked!
Back in July, we got a cool couple of tweets that gave us the assassin squad’s names, and then this sad pic following them for apparently no reason.
Rayla looking sadly at a blue-crystal lotus. :(
After TTM was released, we all learned about Callum’s Miserable Sad Birthday from the reddit AMA. The day Rayla left the Moonhenge alone was the morning of July 15th.
But TTM didn’t drop until October (or September, if you’re cool enough to live in the UK), so the July tweet didn’t seem connected. We didn’t know the dates involved in TTM at the time. But now we do!
July 21 is six days after Callum’s birthday, six days after Rayla left the Moonhenge in the early hours of the morning. That’s probably enough time for Rayla to dash home to the Silvergrove as fast as she can, unencumbered by a soft human prince and a baby dragon. She’s shifting into assassin mode, and she’s on another crazy important mission of her own making: she’s hunting Viren.
She was crushed when she saw how broken-hearted Ethari was because of her soft heart during Runaan’s mission. She literally ran away because she couldn’t take standing there and knowing she’d hurt him so much by getting his husband killed.
She feels like she owes Runaan for ruining his mission--it’s complicated, but from her perspective as a dutiful mentee, I can see why she would feel this way, absolutely. But she also feels like she owes Ethari for breaking his heart. I love the idea that her first stop on her Vengeance Hunt is back home, to tell him what happened at the Moon Nexus, that Runaan wasn’t on the other side, and neither were her parents.
Especially since Ethari might also have a story to tell her: how her lotus dipped during the last full moon, for far too many minutes, before bobbing back up again!
They could talk it over, make a plan for her mission. Ethari’s job is to outfit and supply assassins, and Rayla’s an assassin. She could get upgraded gear, her new S4 outfit, maybe another braid in her hair, and other Ethari things to carry with her, along with his love and support.
Will she be unghosted? Will this information help? I hope so! And if she is, does that mean she’s been promoted to assassin leader until such time as Runaan can be found and freed? Oof, I don’t know. She’s still only 15, on the cusp of 16.
Okay, but she has to stay in the Silvergrove until her birthday, right? Please. Ethari would want to give her a good birthday.
(Unless, uhh, maybe 16 is when you’re old enough to become the Moonshadow assassin leader and there’s a whole ceremony and he has to perform it and Rayla must swear a blood promise to the Dragon Queen and get her shoulder markings... then that’s another birthday ruined in the calendar year of this show, along with Zym’s not-birthday, Runaan’s, Claudia’s, and Callum’s.)
Anyway, that’s just angsty speculation at this point. The main point I’m excited about is that the date of the TDP tweet is significant only in retrospect, once we know about Callum’s birthday.
Six days after TTM ended, Rayla is sitting and looking sadly at a blue-crystal lotus. Runaan and Rayla each had a blue crystal in their lotus.
Rayla’s:
Runaan’s:
But she wouldn’t be looking sadly at her own, right? She would, however, be looking sadly at Runaan’s.
We all want Ethari to jump into the pool. Maybe he would for Rayla’s lotus. Maybe he’d miss Runaan’s. Maybe when he told the story of Rayla’s dipping lotus to her, and she told him about being unable to find Runaan in the afterworld, the idea would hit them at the same time that something similar had occurred with Runaan’s lotus, too.
But this is Rayla’s mission. Maybe she’d be the one to jump into the pool, to dive under--again--for Runaan, just like in this key art by @hypherrr. Maybe then, Ethari can literally reach in after her, along with others, since we didn’t see any of that in TTM.
So she finds the lotus and brings it up. And they look at it, together. They’re both there, I think, because there’s a flower emoji up there with the tweeted pic of Rayla. It’s called Wilted Flower on Twitter. And Ethari is associated with many significant symbols, two of which are: flowers--roses, specifically--and the little sculpture of the wilting leaf of a weeping tree, which he created after Runaan’s lotus vanished from sight. A wilted flower is an accurate emoji for Ethari’s failing love. (But wilted is not the same as dead! It just needs the right care again and it can recover, okay, no one panic.) So I think that Ethari is there with Rayla, but to show him in a July tweet would be way too spoilery. So we get a cute emoji hint instead.
And then they both just stare at this flickering jewel like... what the everloving hell does this mean? Because they know it can’t be good. This isn’t good.
But it’s not over, either. There’s hope. Somewhere. Rayla just needs to go find it.
Haha, this whole wild theory stems from the date of the tweet. TDP posted that pic months before TTM dropped, and at the time none of us knew the timing of TTM’s story, so it meant nothing. But in retrospect, the timing matches up really well with TTM, which concluded on July 15th, Callum’s birthday.
Which could mean that on July 21st, Rayla was back home in the Silvergrove with Ethari, and they might both have known that Runaan was alive somewhere, ten days before her 16th birthday.
Maybe there’s a specific reason the assassins’ names were dropped on July 21st, but until we learn such a thing, I’m gonna enjoy sticking with this headcanon that the choice of date was really about Rayla, Ethari, Runaan’s lotus, and the Silvergrove, and the squad was helpfully providing a Moonshadow distraction.
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Housekeeping
I’ve had a bunch of new followers recently, so: Hey new people! Welcome! It’s pretty much all Lukanette all the time around here at the moment, though you might see a bit of Dragon Age and other random things scattered in from time to time. If you’ve seen the pinned post at the top of my blog, most of this will be a repeat, but for those who haven’t, hopefully this info will be useful to you!
This blog is not spoiler-free but you can filter #ml season 4 spoilers, #ml shanghai spoilers, or #ml spoilers to cover both. I try to be diligent about tagging everything, and I also try to tag with the name of the episode if you’re trying to avoid specific ones (ex #truth spoilers). For fics referencing the current season I don’t usually tag them as spoilers, but I will put anything spoilery under a cut with plenty of warning.
#quickrants is my tag for venting/opinion posts, so feel free to filter that if you don’t want to see that kind of thing.
First things first: check out my Fiction Master Post for a pretty comprehensive list of my work. You can find me on AO3 as well. I reblog pretty much all the Lukanette content I can find but you can also check out my AO3 bookmarks as well for some excellent stories by other authors. (I keep meaning to put together a proper rec collection but I haven’t had time, so sorry for making you weed through all of my randomness but I promise there’s great stuff there.) I’ve also been doing a weekly Lukanette link roundup that you can check out if you’re looking for more content.
If you’re a Lukanette content creator (or interested in becoming one!) I invite you to check out the LBSC Sprint Challenge! It’s a timed challenge with prompts and it’s lots of fun. Challenges open on the 2nd and 4th Wednesday of every month and are open for a week. You can check out some of the works people have done for the challenge on Tumblr (fics and art) or by checking out the AO3 collection (fics only).
For a peek behind the scenes at the things I’m currently working on you can check out my WIP Wednesday and Six Sentence Sunday tags.
I’m doing my best to answer comments both here and on AO3 but I’m a bit slow at it; I’m way better with asks for some reason that my brain chooses not to explain to me, so if you have questions/want my opinions on something/want to squee (about my stories in particular or Lukanette in general) with the comfort of anonymity, go nuts! I promise I’m not scary. In real life I’m a total dork and kind of a spazz and definitely not cool enough to be intimidating.
Otherwise, have a look around and enjoy!
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The last line game ✨💫
Rules: Share your favorite closing lines from 10 of your stories (if you have less than 10 then list them all!). Feel free to skip any that might be too spoilery. Notice any patterns? Pick your #1 and tell us why you love it. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!
Thanks @andithiel for tagging me!! So sorry for taking so long with this one ^^” I barely remember about half of the things I wrote since most of my works are one shots of various lengths and I have over 100 of them... but I found the time to go over them and see which ones I did like the endings of, so, here’s the list ^^”
More or less in the order I posted them, but not strictly so XD
1. Equilibrium (Drarry, T, 315 words)
With each other, it wasn’t being used.
It was equilibrium.
2. The Marks It Left On Us (Drarry, 358 words, T, please mind the tags before reading)
You ignore the lingering pain in your throat and the burn in your lungs as you smile at him. “I’m alright,” you say, and you know that it’s a lie. Neither of you are alright.
3. Broken Promises (Roy/Ed, 8336 words, T, please mind the tags before reading)
Roy’s head dropped, his cheek leaning against the cold prison bars as he tried to compose himself. He opened his eyes when he started to feel threatened from the darkness. The prison corridor felt emptier than it did before Edward’s visit, colder and darker. His eyes landed on the only thing that sparkled in the dull space: the three coins Edward had dropped on the floor, refusing to take them back when Roy didn’t accept. A memory of a better, more hopeful time, when Roy still thought he’d be able to achieve his goals. Of a time Edward still had faith in him.
He reached over and grabbed the coins, holding them tightly in his hand. He should’ve taken it when Edward offered it, even though he did not earn it. He felt sorry for breaking his promise to Edward. He regretted so many things he’d done, so many things he hadn’t done but should’ve.
Death sounded like a safe haven, almost.
4. Food for Thought (Roy/Ed, 1792 words, T)
Roy chuckled shortly. The feeling of relief was like having the weight of the world lifted off of his shoulders. Combined with the happiness of what Ed was actually saying, it made him feel like he was floating. His soft smile turned into a grin. Hospital or not, he couldn’t wait to see Ed, to hold him and kiss him and tell him face to face how much he loved him. “I’m on my way,” he said, and listened for Ed’s short response before he clicked on the disconnect button. He spent another moment looking at Ed’s grinning picture, now decorating his screen again, with the little numbers showing the length of their call. Four minutes, two seconds and seventy-eight milliseconds. That’s how long it took for Roy to go from panic to the happiest he has been in a very, very long time.
5. Going Public (Roy/Ed, 21781 words, T)
Roy was now so close Ed could feel his warm breath brushing against him. He leaned his forehead against his, their lips so close they almost touched each other. “Are you sure about this? You know people will be talking, even if we just try it out for a week, or a month, or just right now. You can still walk away, I will not hold it against you.”
Ed glanced downwards, at Roy’s lips. Pink and soft, they seemed so tempting. His tongue darted out, wetting his own lips that suddenly felt too dry. He opened his mouth to take in a breath, considering this for just one more moment. Did he want to take the way out Roy offered? But no; those past few days made Ed feel more at ease than he had in very long while, and certainly much happier. At least during the times he forgot about everything else and found himself lost in the conversation he shared with Roy. No. He did not want to back away. He wanted to see what more they could be. He wanted to see how happy they could make each other without pretending, but by being real. He smiled, and placed a kiss on Roy’s lips. It was short and shy, hesitant – and he immediately knew that he wanted more, and this was no mistake. “Yes, I am sure. Let them talk.”
6. Missing (Drarry, 2120 words, T)
For some reason it made him laugh. It annoyed her, but she felt too warm and relaxed to continue caring.
“She definitely takes after you,” he said.
“Excellent. I’m a wonderful person.”
She had to agree with her human. Despite some of his flaws, he was good. For a human.
7. Don’t Quit Your Day Job (Roy/Ed, 5923 words, M)
It was almost like an outer-body experience. Planning a date with Roy Mustang. Because he was more or less caught pleasuring himself to his porn picture. He could not think of anything more insane.
"No, I eat almost anything."
"Good. I'll try to move some stuff and will let you know the exact details. And, Edward?"
Ed turned back, already getting ready to leave. He needed to clear his mind. "Yes?"
Roy smiled at him. "I can't wait."
8. Cupid Owl (Drarry, 17876 words, T)
He looked up at Harry hesitantly, nervous to see his reaction. “Do you… does this bother you?”
Draco had a moment when he thought he might get a panic attack while Harry was staring at the article. He couldn’t read his expression. Would he be mad? Was he regretting spending the night at Draco’s place?
Harry finally turned to look at him, and Draco braced himself to whatever may come. But Harry smiled softly at him, and leaned a bit closer to place a short kiss on his lips. “Not at all. Do you?”
The tension Draco had been holding in his body eased away at once. He smiled back. “I don’t, either.”
9. Worth The Risk (Roy/Ed, 2690 words, T)
Roy kept watching as he closed the door behind him. His lips still burnt from the feeling of Edward’s mouth on them, and for a moment, it felt like being able to kiss Edward was worth all the risks in the world. He relaxed his hold on the file, well aware that the way he clenched on them would leave dents in the paper, and walked towards his desk to place it there.
Riza would scold him so bad when she found out.
10. Scars (Roy/Ed, 520 words, T)
You tell him about the time you took out the trash from your aunt’s establishment and a broken piece of glass tore into your leg. You tell him about the one you got while fighting an alligator. Let alone no alligators lived in Amestris; Ed doesn’t seem to care how crazy the story is. He just listens as if every word you say is important. Sacred.
Woah. I don’t think I’m very good at endings! I usually have the general premise, or a specific scene I wanna write, and I go from there...
I think if I have to choose my #1 it’d be the one I posted here as #1 - Equilibrium. Most people who commented on it really loved that ending line, and I too thought it was a good way to end that little drabble. It represents the way I perceive their relationship perfectly.
I’m gonna tag... @cai-danu , @aurumdalseni , @ausynja and anyone who feels like playing <3
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Fanfic Progress Update 115
Hi, late again, but at least the day is right. Stay tuned for a spoilery glimpse into the next chapter of Adventure Gone Mini at the end of the post.
Current WIPs:
Adventure gone Mini
Fandom: Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild / The Minish Cap
Summary: Sidon is given his very own Sheikah Slate, the first replica Purah has managed to make, and sets out to travel with Link with the intention of registering warp points for convenient travel in the future. However, when a malfunction shrinks them down to the size of bugs, and they meet little people called the Minish, they have to change their plans from “fun adventuring” to “getting out of this mess”. Not that those two have to exclude one another. Link/Sidon.
Progress: Chapter 51 is the current latest chapter and was posted on 28th of April. Chapter 52 is still just ¼th done because I had guests over during my writing hour and thus didn’t write anything today. The scheduled posting date is moved by a week to accommodate, so now it’s 26th of May.
I post a new chapter every three weeks on Wednesdays, except when I don’t manage to and move it by a week. These updates always include a sneak-peek for the next chapter, slowly getting longer over the three weeks’ waiting period.
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Hah! Our afterlife is the most hilarious bushwa, dearest
Fandom: Hazbin Hotel
Summary: This is not a stand-alone story! This is a oneshot/drabble collection in the universe as “Shit, the Radio Demon is a part of my afterlife”. Read the main story before bothering with this one.
I decided to give my readers a chance to throw Radiohusk prompts at me, and had the Afterlife-verse as an option to set the stories in. Everyone liked that, so this fic is now a thing. Enjoy the extra mischief from these two dorks!
Progress: Chapter 28 is the current latest chapter and was posted on 27th of November. Chapter 29 is technically written now (yay!), but I wasn’t completely happy with it after I was finally done, so I can’t actually quite label it as finished yet. But hey, it only needs some good editing now, so that’s real progress! The scheduled posting date is some Friday, and there will be a sneak-peek on the previous Thursday, but I’m probably not going to make that the next week at this point. You see, the chapter is hella depressing and I don’t want to end the fic on a depressing note, so now I want to write one more chapter, and have it be a happy one. It’ll also please my OCPD much to end on chapter 30 rather than 29. Anyway, I want to have that last chapter done as well before posting either one of them, so that it’s not a case of “posts a chapter after half a year... then leaves the fic hanging for another few months before posting the final chapter”. So, while I kinda have a chapter ready-ish now, it’ll still be at least a bit longer yet.
Note to new people who might be looking at this: I’m not taking prompts anymore.
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Other WIPs I’m not currently working on but intend to get back to someday:
PoE Drabbles (Pillars of Eternity)
DC Drabbles (Justice League)
Diaphanous Relations (Forgotten Realms, R.A. Salvatore’s books)
A bunch of Hazbin oneshots and chapter fics, some started, some just on the idea phase. There’s… there’s a lot…
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That’s it for the WIPs! Here’s the promised sneak-peek into Adventure gone Mini (Note: the text may end up slightly different in the fic itself due to more editing happening before publishing). Enjoy!
Mini
The two of them exited the alley and wasted no time before grabbing the nearest local looking person – Sidon could tell from the way they were dressed and Link simply Did Not Question It at this point – and asking for directions to the shops they wanted. The Minish didn't know where to buy weapons, but they directed them to a food district, which was helpful enough.
They passed by quite a few woven grass houses and even more rock buildings before the scent in the air changed drastically to guide them the rest of the way to the place they had been told to go: between the tunnels created by the local rock houses was an alley filled to the brim with food stalls. It reminded them of the open air market of the previous city, but it was all just food and packed into a cramped alley with tall grey walls. There were so many people in it that they were forced to go with the flow on the right side and ignore the left, where people were headed to the direction they came from. The noise level of everyone talking at once was loud enough to force Link to cover his long, sensitive Hylian ears to muffle the worst of it, which rendered him even muter than usual.
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That’s it this time. See you next Saturday!
Links:
My AO3 My FFnet My Ko-fi Radiohusk Discord Group invitation
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Six Sentence Sunday (tag)
@desiree-0816 tagged me early this morning and I promised to post something later so here we are. I have a few things going.
Chapter 5 of Learning to Breathe posting Monday:
She knew she needed to try to release him— the hold he had on her heart— if she ever wanted to find a way to care for their child without breaking into tears every time she looked at him or her. Yet, she didn’t know if she could ever truly let him go. She loved him so deeply it felt as though he ran through her veins.
She spent her days sitting on the balcony staring at the field of sunflowers Drake had planted for her. The love he must have felt to do something like that for her; could she ever truly release him? Would she ever be able to move on without him?
She squeezed her eyes shut. She knew she didn’t have a choice. He wasn’t here anymore; he hadn’t been there in nearly four months and he’d never again be by her side. She’d never again see his smile or hear his laugh. She’d never watch him cradle their child in his arms. Her hand instinctively moved to her tiny bump. She could do this, she could move forward for her peanut. He’s already gone.
Crossover chapter of both Reclaiming Destiny and Something More:
Bastien sat setting a manila folder on the desk in front of him. He kept his back straight, he knew he needed to do this, but he still worried about the outcome, what it would mean for him, for Caleb once he told Liam. Everything had changed so quickly and he hoped he was doing the right thing for all of them. You have no choice anymore, you can’t remain hidden. He no longer wanted to hide, he needed to lead by true example, but he still feared the antiquated laws. Maybe I should just resign before he can fire me. As much as he needed to to do this, wanted to do this, he couldn’t take being fired because of a law he never believed in. “Olivia and I may have found a way to make her betrothal to Anton nullified, without your interference.” He slid the folder towards Liam.
Liam opened the folder. “What is it I’m looking at?”
“Correspondences between Anton’s parents and Olivia’s dated before the betrothal, staring they would only give the Nevrakis’s their son if he was guaranteed to become king.”
A very NSFW follow-up of my Baslivia costume fic I will be posting in October:
She bit her lip in thought as she knelt on the bed, his words sending heat directly to her core. She preferred being in charge and very rarely liked to relinquish it. She wanted to feel his hands roam her body; she knew that even if she felt like she might go crazy waiting for what she wanted that he would follow through with his promise. He always did. “Fine.”
He gripped her hips, flipping her to her back. His hands slid up her curves, following the slight swell of her stomach to her firm round bosom.
She arched into his hands, her entire body pulsing and aching with need. She needed more, she needed him, she felt like she might go crazy before he gave her what her body craved.
It was not easy finding non spoilery pieces of these!
Tagging: @sirbeepsalot @ao719 @stopforamoment @the-everlasting-dream @blackcatkita @blackcoffee85 @dcbbw @jovialyouthmusic @choiceslife @tornbetween2loves @emceesynonymroll @burnsoslow what do you guys have going on?
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1, 2, 3, and 4? Oh and bonus question: Have you ever had a couple in game who found each other on their own? Love you!
Thank you, you’re the best! That’s a long one, so buckle up, everyone. :D
1. Who’s your favourite currently living Born In Game Sim? Are they different from your all-time fav BiG Sim?
My current ones are Devon and Ashwini. They’re both gorgeous and so interesting for me, they’re also polar opposites but get along pretty well despite everything. And yeah, I still haven’t chosen the heir among them, it’s really been my hardest choice ever. At this point I’ll probably just go with double and then see how I feel about their kids (even though it may not be a good idea because I can fall in love with the kids as well, but I’m willing to take a risk). Basically, Devon has an advantage because he has more of a story going on, but Ash is a better genetic mix since Devon is gorgeous but looks more like Jai, and Ash took after both parents. We’ll see, though… we’ll see.
About my all-time favourite, well… I must say that not all my born in game sims are actually born in game. I often create them before they make their first appearance to save myself some trouble, since they’re either going to be clones or not look the way I want them to, and I still have to reroll. (with Dev and Ash I might have did some rerolls but I did not create them beforehand so they were both surprises). So, to remember who was actually born in game on the spot… it may be Lavi or Irene. If we talk Fletchers, I’d say Kyle and Keith too, I remember how I loved them both starting from their very birth. And yeah, normally I’d say Claret but she was created like two or three months before she was born and the whole time I’ve been dying for her to appear and to talk about her.
2. Who’s your current OTP~? Did you matchmake them as Sim God or did they find each other on their own?
Oooo, I secretly craved this question just so I could talk about Carnet! Technically I matchmaked them, but I didn’t expect them to have that much chemistry. Even though I created a story in my head for them long before their generation, I still had to wait for them to click when they actually meet in game. But then there was this one gameplay when I discovered that my heart skips a beat when I see their interactions, so that’s when I knew I’m on the right path with them.
So, what I love about them?
First and foremost, their relationship is so healthy and understanding. They support and love each other in an unconditional way. But, despite that, they’re both their own people with own goals and desires. It matters a lot.
Carn was patiently waiting for Claret while she was figuring things out, and never pressured her. Even if he hoped for her to return his feelings, he respected her too much and valued her as a friend. Eventually, when they got together, their friendship only solidified. Friends to lovers trope rules!
Therefore, they had such a beautiful slow burn. I was living for it. And the scene where they confess their feelings… I proudly consider it one of the best confessions I’ve ever written, if not the best.
They had a special bond from the beginning, since they’re my first and only couple that’s been together in all life stages.
They’re bigger than just a legacy couple. They are ultimate soulmates, meaning they get and stay together in every universe, including original and Valentine’s Day special, and every lifetime (Sunrise and Sunset). I’ve been thinking about it lately and… there’s really not a lot of ultimate soulmates on my blog. It’s rare.
And in TS4 they literally got married on their first date. As I said on Twitter that day, that’s love binch
Dusk and Dawn thing! Maybe it’s not an original naming pattern on berry simblr, but I came to it on my own, though I feared it might seem like I copied from someone. I just liked the name Dawn and wanted to use it for a long time, and upon searching for Carn’s middle name and listening to “Dusk Till Dawn” it clicked in my head.
They’re my first couple to have a double proposal (the only time I was happy my game crashed)
They went through so much stuff to be together, I won’t even list all of it. But to me, Claret saving Carn from the burning house is still the most iconic thing any character of mine could do for their lover. She challenged the laws of nature for him.
I literally cried when they had Cloudberry after all they’ve been through.
Except their epic and serious moments, they had a lot of adorable and funny ones.
They resolve conflicts in a mature way, as seen with their disagreement on Claret’s pregnancy.
It might go on and on, but yeah, for me they’re The OTP and I love them both so much, together and apart. ❤
I must say, I’m glad they’re not my only good couple and there are more. I have another more recent big ship who I didn’t matchmake and there’s actually a very cool story about how they ended up together, but I can’t tell it just yet so that’s for the next time.
3. Which playable Sim(s) is/are annoying you right now? Like, really just pissing you off?
Answered!
4. What’s been the most surprising development of your current rotation/generation/etc?
Hmm, in the Lilygreens, probably Brent. Like I said before, I didn’t expect him to be so amusing. I sometimes read his old posts and they crack me up. Other stuff that I’d like to mention is probably spoilery.
In the Maples, Jesse and Leighton! They shamelessly crawled into my heart and are here to stay, despite not even being legacy sims and serving as extras.
Other legacies, I don’t have much to say since there wasn’t a lot of surprising stuff in Fletcher reboot lately (but I hope the storyline for gen 2 will surprise everyone else since it’s quite unusual), and I haven’t played the Twinkles since May.
Bonus: Have you ever had a couple in game who found each other on their own?
Yes! It’s not a classic definition of it because my couples normally don’t “meet” in game, but there are a few that I didn’t initially plan and they happened due to a nice coincidence or just me feeling like they’d click.
Curtis and Atticus are one of them, I came up with the idea when they both already existed and I was trying to connect their generations and it suddenly made so much sense.
Clarissa and Aimee weren’t an original plan, but somehow, I don’t even know how, they made me ship them.
Kyle, who’s been in my game for almost four years and gave me a lot of shipping struggles, finally *gasp* will have a spouse who he has chemistry with! And the funniest thing? This person has been there all along, but appeared on my blog only once. I don’t know how they found each other. I just thought of it and was like, hell yeah.
Emit and Emma also fall under this category! When me and my friend were just casually playing, we made random sims and one of them (Emma) quickly became friends with Emit. Even though you can’t romance a time traveler, they kept smiling at each other. I was down for it.
And finally, I mentioned this one couple after my big Carnet ramble. Seriously, that’s probably my most exciting story of two sims finding each other. I wish I could tell it now, but I promise I will… very soon, actually.
Whew, it was fun! And if anyone read all this, you’re a hero.
#replies#saviorhide#about soulmates: I'll have to explain this concept on my blog in more details#I did once but it was long ago#payte
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So… if you’re new to my blog, this is a pretty common occurrence, unfortunately. I tend to be regularly active for a short stretch of time and then go radio silent for weeks or months on end. It’s never intentional and I always say something like this when I get back from a hiatus – I apologize for being away and not taking care of things like I needed to. It can be as simple as answering an ask or messaging a friend – and all of you have the patience of saints, especially @kristallioness – or taking care of things for Kataang Week. Things that should rightly take only a few minutes – or maybe twenty-thirty minutes of my day or even of my week – if I could focus long enough to take care of them.
I guess this is just going to be a flow of consciousness sort of thing. We’ll see if it makes any sense at the end.
I started grad school a few months ago and combined with everything else this year (work/family stresses, losing two close relatives, etc.), my life has felt like hell. There’s been the good parts – grad school is going alright, I’m learning, I’m furthering my experience and knowledge within my field, I’ve made plenty of friends and gotten to grow a bit as a person. But there’s been plenty of the bad, too – I lose at least 10 hours a week just to my commutes, bills are stacking up, I feel wholly unprepared/unqualified for working in my field, stress/depression is snowballing (this is probably the biggest cause of everything), etc. Typical things in life that I must learn to handle better.
The tumblr/fandom stress hasn’t helped. I see blogs, people I used to talk to become totally inactive or disappear completely. Some blogs I’ve seen get deleted without warning, thanks to tumblr itself. Fanfics and fan art have been disappearing for some time now and it all just breaks my heart. Not just losing the conversations I’ve had with these amazing people, but all the memories and all the contributions to the fandoms. I believe we put a part of ourselves in everything we create, so when anything we make is lost, it can cut us – and the people we have touched through our art – deeper than we might expect it to.
Plus, for the last few months, with everything in my real life going on, fandom has felt a lot like a chore. I can’t remember if I’ve said this before or not, but that’s what it felt like. I hate that that’s what it felt like, but it’s the truth. And unfortunately, it gets relegated to the bottom of the chore pile – least importance. And when something feels like a chore, you don’t want to do it.
I’m used to stress as a student. Grad school just intensified that a lot. However, I’m not used to the stress of being an instructor. The catch to my getting into grad school was that I had to do it through an assistant-ship. So, its not just concern for my grades and my well-being, but for all the students I teach as well. Because if I as a student miss a class, all I have to worry about is making up the work later on. If I as a teacher miss a class, the students fall behind in their work and I am in trouble (if I couldn’t find a substitute in time). To me, it’s been more stressful than a standard job – I have to force myself to make it to school for the sake of the students. (Somehow I’ve not missed a day yet.) Don’t get me wrong, I want to be there, too, but it just feels as though all the stress from this year (past several years, probably, if I’m being honest) just continues to grow and grow and I’m afraid it’s going to burst at the worst possible moment.
And my advisor and other students keep encouraging me, praising me, telling me how great I’m doing. (Especially in comparison to the person who preceded me, who apparently set the bar very, very low.) And this makes me feel as if I’m just going to fail even more. I feel as if they’re all building me up into something I’m not and when I crumble, they’re going to realize they picked the wrong guy for the job.
At the same time, that stress makes me more motivated to succeed. I need to work through it, to understand it, in order to do better. I’m sure many of you know what this is like personally. It sucks. But its necessary to move forward in life. Because it will always be a part of us and we need to learn how to deal with it.
So, I’m done with making excuses and apologies. I think you are all more understanding of my situation than I am. Life happens and its unavoidable. From what some of you have told me, you have lives far more stressful than mine and yet you manage to not only remain involved in fandom, you thrive in it. I wish I could as well.
I’m not promising I’ll be on here more consistently. But I’m going to make a hell of a lot stronger effort to try. I’m planning to at least check in once a week – something I’m sure I’ve promised before.
I don’t really know if any of this is making sense. It’s ~1:30 AM here in little rural Ohio and my brain is fried from teaching, studying, and Season 3 of The Dragon Prince. So I’m also running on the absolute hype that came from TDP. I guess I’m just trying to channel all my energy into semi-coherent thoughts to explain things about life that seem somewhat revelatory to my sleep deprived mind but are really things we all know already.
Speaking of Dragon Prince, I’ll probably be posting major spoilery stuff from Season 3 for like the next several weeks to forever. Because reasons. It was amazing.
The more I put things off, the more it stresses me out. It’s that simple. All the things weighing over my head just continue to grow because I keep putting them off. And the only way I’m going to change it is if I can face the problems head on. I have to relearn the mindset I lost 7-8 years ago when I could always remain on top of my work and my hobbies.
So, I think I’m going to go work on a message for some people in the Dragon Prince fandom and then maybe use the energy I have left to get working on a story I’ve had for some time. And then we’ll see where that takes me.
Since I’ll inevitably crash within the next hour or so, my plan for when I wake up is to get my grading done (bleh) and then focus on finally taking care of the submissions from Kataang Week when it ended like 3 months ago. And answer asks/messages sometime this weekend. Preferably tomorrow, er, later today. I don’t want to take on too much at once, but at the same time, I need to take care of things or the weight of it all will just continue to grow.
Thank you, if you’ve taken the time to read this. I hope to talk to you all soon. You are all wonderful friends and followers that I am eternally grateful to have in my life and I love you all for putting up with my shenanigans.
- Dan
#Dan rambles#Personal#Dan rambles about life#Was there even a point to all this#I don't know anymore#But it was cathartic#I think#Just gonna yeet this onto my blog before I change my mind#Sorry this is so long but I'm too tired to try and condense it to a more manageable length
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unruly hearts week - day one (favorite character)
alyssa greene
prepare for a (spoilery) ramble! cause that’s what i do best!
okay, so, for me alyssa is my favorite character because i see myself at 15 - scared and in the closet - in her. the difference is alyssa has a girlfriend and also really great hair while i had neither. but i think she’s one of the most relatable characters in the whole show.
her character arc is one of the most important in the show - she starts out terrified; sneaking glances at emma from a distance and jumping out of her skin when her mother nearly catches them holding hands in the hallway. she has her back turned to emma at the start of “dance with you”, and then when emma begins the chorus, she takes a deep breath and her whole body starts to relax.
(as an aside, last month i had the absolute privilege of somehow seeing the prom from the front row of the orchestra and izzy’s physical choices actually killed me so this is as much of an izzy mccalla appreciation as it is an alyssa greene one.)
alyssa lives in fear, and in longing, and in a feeling of entrapment - but the one thing that grounds her is emma. more on that come day five. but my point is that in act one, alyssa is at her bravest when she has emma beside her. she plans to come out with emma at prom, even though she’s scared, because when it’s the two of them together she feels so much stronger.
when she gets tricked into the whole fake prom scenario by her mother and her so-called best friends, that rips the ground from under her. she pieces together what must be happening to emma, and then gets told that kaylee and shelby know about her relationship with emma, and that’s why she wasn’t let in on the secret.
the horror she feels in that moment overwhelms her. i think a lot of us have had a moment like that - where you suddenly find out that someone knows about you, without your permission. all the bravery she’d had is gone; and so she goes to the thing that grounds her. she calls emma.
but emma is hurting and alone, too, and she doesn’t believe that alyssa had nothing to do with the utter humiliation she’s being put through right now. she asks alyssa to come and meet her, and alyssa wants to. she wants to be with emma, so that they can comfort each other, but the thought of one more person knowing her biggest secret right now is too much to bear. when faced with the prospect of telling her mother she’s gay, the words just rush out.
“i can’t! it’s bad enough that kaylee and shelby know!”
she doesn’t mean it like that, obviously, but she’s panicking. the music is too loud, the crowd is too stifling, her mother’s stare is too intense. and to top it all off, she’s probably just ruined her relationship with emma.
come act two, and we see a very different side to alyssa. she is finally able to let out some of her frustration at her mother, and the way her life is, through the song “alyssa greene”. the song starts with a very military-style feel which slows and breaks away on the line, “and you wish there was a world where you were simply free to live.”
i would like to point out at this moment that miss izzy mccalla is the master of simultaneously crying and singing and it is very very upsetting to watch. thank you izzy for making me cry, and then for sympathetically laughing at me when i told you that you made me cry simply by crying yourself.
as soon as the music transforms, and alyssa starts singing about how she wishes she could be, we see the very core of her character. she feels like she always caves in, and she is sick of it.
“you’re not yourself, you’re not what she wants, you’re someone in between.”
she comes to a realization here, i think, that she can’t continue on as she has been. because she can be one of two people: she can be the person she wants herself to be, or she can be the person her mother wants her to be. right now, she’s neither - and so something has to change.
but when emma asks her if she’ll go public with her, all alyssa can say is that she wants to. because she does, more than anything, but in her mind she still can’t. and emma breaks up with her, as much as it’s clearly killing her to do so, because everything is too painful right now.
and alyssa cries.
and i cry.
when we as the audience next see alyssa, she’s watching emma’s “unruly heart” video - and has been non-stop, if mrs greene’s comments are any indication. this video inspires her so much, and she can see all the support emma is getting because of it. and maybe she’s starting to believe that she can do this, too.
so, she takes a breath. and she tries to come out to her mother.
it’s interesting to note that in the broadway version, this scene actually isn’t the first time alyssa tries to come out to her mom. during “tonight belongs to you” she tries to tell her mother what’s going to happen, but she gets shut down. because mrs greene definitely knows that her daughter is gay, but she really really really does not want to confront that fact.
here, alyssa tries to come out again.
“mom, we have to talk about what’s really going on here. we can’t keep avoiding this just because it’s uncomfortable. i love you, and the stupid thing is that--”
once again, she is promptly shut down. her mother yells at her to stop, and grabs her by the arms, and possibly for the first time alyssa recoils. mrs greene pushes her too far, and alyssa finally, well and truly, stands up for herself. and although she’s been watching emma’s video non-stop, she does this all on her own, without emma holding her hand.
she tells her mother that she doesn’t want to be a part of her shit anymore, and storms off, and as an audience member i’ve never been prouder. (until her next scene, anyway).
speaking of, when alyssa comes into the gym not long after to find her mother once again spreading hatred and ignorance, she can’t take it anymore. she’s scared, yes, but she’s starting to realize just how brave she can be. so she tells her mother to listen, and she delivers this beautiful little speech about how much better it is to be yourself even though it can be hard.
“i don’t want to hurt you. i don’t want to hurt anyone, i just... wanna be me.”
and this is what alyssa’s character comes down to. she never wants to be somebody that causes pain but, at the same time, now she won’t let anyone stand in the way of her becoming who she is. i feel like maybe, for a while, alyssa very much repressed the idea of being gay. she didn’t want to be herself. but over time, and probably with some help from emma, she found that truly being herself was the thing she actually wanted most in the world.
and with her public declaration of love for emma, she does it.
emma says “holy shit” and so do i, because wow you guys, this was the part that i started sobbing and never looked back.
alyssa is honest with her mother, her life is already hard no matter what she tries to protect her from, and with the promise of a talk later - alyssa watches her mother go. she’s still slightly in shock, but it gives way to the giddiest kind of relief once emma points out that she just came out in front of everyone.
and then we all know what happens next. she and emma get their dance, and they get their kiss in front of everyone - also, their kiss is literally the climactic moment of the entire show which is something i think i’d only dreamed of ever seeing in a musical - and yes i’m still sobbing at this point, why do you ask?
my point in a nutshell is that alyssa grows so much over the course of the show, through a combination of book, score, direction and acting - and it’s incredible to watch. emma may arguably be the main character of the prom, but alyssa is just as much of the heart of the show as her girlfriend, and izzy mccalla definitely doesn’t let you forget it.
so thank you, alyssa greene, for being a character that so many people can see themselves in and finally feel represented. because feeling seen in the media and art you consume is so important. again, i’ll probably have more to say on that specific point later in the week, but i feel like this post is already way too long. can you believe i sat down at my laptop ready to write out some bullet point headcanons?
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Spoilery as hell essay about Tony Stark I did for my English class:
Please do not read it if you haven’t seen ENDGAME, because everything is spoiled. EVERYTHING!!!
This essay explores how Tony Stark is a tragic hero more than anything else.
The Tragedy of Tony Stark
The Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) is a titanic movie franchise spanning more than a decade with over 20 movies to its name. As a franchise based off of comic books, it has its share of wacky characters, witty one-liners, and ridiculous costumes. But as a movie franchise, it also has its share of dark, profound plot elements. One such element is the tragedy of Tony Stark.
Tony Stark is no ordinary hero. He is, as he once boldly proclaimed, a “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist” (The Avengers). Beyond that, he is Iron Man, legendary hero in his personal weaponized suit of mechanical armor. But this is only scratching at the surface of the man who has carried the entire MCU since its infancy. During this time, he has been beaten down and betrayed, has suffered and struggled, and has been abused and ignored. Despite all of his achievements, Tony is much more of a tragic hero than he has ever been just a hero.
A tragic hero is defined in the dictionary as “a great or virtuous hero…who is destined for downfall, suffering, or defeat.” Commonly, they’re set in dramatic tragedies, such as Oedipus Rex or Hamlet. Although the MCU doesn’t quite ring true as a “dramatic tragedy,” the “hero destined for suffering” part perfectly describes Tony, who struggles against foes far more powerful than himself, only to lose a piece of himself in the process. Jennifer Wallace puts it best when she states “The source of a tragic hero's greatness is also the cause of his destruction. The overriding desire for honor that motivates tragic protagonists also results in their shame and demise” (Wallace). This also describes Tony very well; many of Tony’s enemies are of his own making, and people tend to get hurt when he takes matters into his own hands and attempts to solve the problems himself.
Almost everything that happens throughout the MCU involves the tragedy of Tony Stark in some way. He is a walking, breathing catastrophe who can barely hold himself together. He is guilt-ridden and anxiety-plagued, yet everyone still expects him to be Iron Man. When he snaps and lashes out at people, or otherwise ignores their requests for assistance, everyone tends to be surprised. One of the most clear examples comes from the most recent MCU film: Avengers: Endgame. After Tony had just returned from almost starving to death during his month-long space trip, the other Avengers immediately want to talk strategy with him. He’s still hooked up to an IV while they discuss all the things he’d predicted was coming long before they ever came to pass. He snaps at Steve Rogers, saying “I got nothin' for you, Cap! I've got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options! Zero, zip, nada. No trust—LIAR!” (Avengers: Endgame). He collapses shortly thereafter, completely, utterly defeated.
In a world of supersoldiers, monsters, aliens, and supervillains, Tony is a bit of an odd man out—he’s still human. “The Tony Stark character is memorable in that he was someone who could readily comment on the insanity around him” (“First-of-its-Kind…”), says the Targeted News Service. Rather than being a supersoldier, ultra powerful gamma monster, or highly trained assassin, Tony is just a “man in a can” (Iron Man 3). He has only his intelligence to aid his hero’s journey, and he carries the burden of it with him everywhere. In every movie after the first Avengers film, Tony struggles with the knowledge that something like the attack on New York will happen again (Iron Man 3; Avengers: Age of Ultron). His greatest fear is losing everything because he failed to do enough, and it shows the most in his most vulnerable moments. Even worse, his fears become reality before his very eyes (Avengers: Infinity War).
Further setting the burden of tragic heroism on Tony’s shoulders is the sheer amount of villains he’s created. Justin Hammer, Ivan Vanko, Aldrich Killian, Ultron, and Adrian Toomes are all directly linked to Tony and his bad decisions. Killian is ignored by Tony completely after he makes a promise to meet him, Hammer attempts to replicate the Iron Man armor for military use and personal gain, Vanko gets Tony’s personal advice on how to make his weapons more efficient, Toomes loses his job because of Tony’s handling the aftermath of Loki’s attack on New York, and Ultron comes into existence because Tony let his fears control him (Iron Man 3; Iron Man 2; Spiderman: Homecoming; Avengers: Age of Ultron).
Tony’s ego is certainly one to blame, but so is his carelessness. He often lets the situation dictate his response, rather than forcing his actions to dictate the situation. In other words, Tony is a reactionary character. This can be seen best in Captain America: Civil War (CA:CW), when he reacts to the death of his parents, and in Avengers: Age of Ultron (AoU), when he experiments with Loki’s scepter to streamline the creation of Ultron.
Tony also faces two life-shattering betrayals and several smaller ones, further placing him in the “tragic” category. In his debut movie, Iron Man, he learns that the terrorist group called the Ten Rings was hired to kill him by Obadiah, his trusted friend and mentor. Obadiah later paralyzes Tony and physically rips out the one thing that keeps him alive—his arc reactor. Tony manages to survive on an older model, but is almost killed in the ensuing battle. He even resigns himself to death and forces his personal assistant to blow the reactor beneath them. He fortunately survives, but his former friend does not (Iron Man). In this movie, not only does he survive a torturous three months in Afghanistan, but he comes back to almost immediately die at the hand of one of his closest friends.
In CA:CW, Tony learns that his parents were murdered by Bucky Barnes, who is unfortunately standing next to him at that time. He’s understandably distraught, but becomes enraged when Steve reveals that he already knew about the murder and never told him. This moment is especially ironic given Steve’s line in AoU, when he tells Tony in frustration that “sometimes my teammates don’t tell me things” (Avengers: Age of Ultron). Tony attacks the pair, who proceed to nearly beat him to death. At one point, Steve rips off Tony’s face mask, then stabs his arc reactor with his shield. They then leave him, beaten and alone in Siberia, with Steve having chosen one friend over the other. Tumblr user @teamsharoncarter notes that “Tony Stark lifted up his arms, covering his face when Steve was going to hit him with the shield, subtly showing that Tony is used to anyone he trusted to betray him and try to kill him” (“Tony Stark…”). While this point could be debated as mere headcanon, it is true that Tony is betrayed often. It’s fascinating to see a side-by-side comparison of Tony’s facial expression when he discovers the two major betrayals.
Tony also deals quite a bit with mental illness. It becomes most prevalent in Iron Man 3 (IM3), and looms on the sidelines in other movies. Given at the start of IM3, he has been kidnapped and tortured (Iron Man), has nearly died of radiation poisoning (Iron Man 2), and has flown a nuclear missile into a wormhole to kill an alien army with no hope of surviving (The Avengers), it’s a wonder PTSD isn’t a major topic prior to it. Much of IM3’s secondary plot revolves around Tony’s mental state post-Avengers, and he never quite resolves it. Later on, he begins a multi-million dollar project to help “clear traumatic memories” by recreating them in a pseudo-physical format and altering them as the user wishes (Captain America: Civil War).
Tony tries again and again to do the right thing, yet he somehow makes everything worse in the process and loses something very dear to him. These attempts and subsequent failures are the most telling mark of his tragic heroism. He saves his life with the arc reactor, but it winds up poisoning him with radiation (Iron Man 2). He enters the clean energy market to make up for his company’s history of weapons contracting, only for his building to be partially destroyed during the Battle of New York (The Avengers). He tries to be better to his girlfriend, only for her to be kidnapped and tortured after their home is blown up because he ditched someone on a roof in 1999 (Iron Man 3). He tries to build a peacekeeping A.I., but it turns murderous and tries to drop a city out of the sky to wipe out humanity. He winds up losing much of his certainty, Bruce Banner, and J.A.R.V.I.S., his personal A.I. based on a childhood friend (Avengers: Age of Ultron). He signs the Sokovia Accords to try and redeem himself, but according to Rogers, it is the moment he signs it that he destroys the team (Captain America: Civil War). He tries to retire from being a hero and settle down, but he winds up lost in space with half the universe disappearing from existence because someone wanted to spare his life (Avengers: Infinity War).
It is rather fitting that when Ultron asks him if he’s come to confess his sins, he answers with “I dunno, how much time you got?” (Avengers: Age of Ultron).
Yet no one stops him from doing anything, and it often ends in disaster. And then when he tries to right these wrongs later on, his former teammates turn on him and abandon him in the cold of Siberia, halfway beaten to death by two supersoldiers. His contributions to the team and efforts to protect it are overlooked and forgotten the moment he signs the Sokovia Accords. Clint Barton says “you better watch your back on this guy. Chances are he's going to break it” (Captain America: Civil War), despite having fought alongside him only a year before during AoU. Even Tony’s plan to take the fight to Thanos, rather than returning to Earth, backfires and results in the loss of the Time Stone to the Mad Titan (Avengers: Infinity War).
All this being said, there is no denying that Tony is a hero. Incredibly, despite everything he goes through, he still keeps being Iron Man. As pointed out by Marvel Comics editor Axel Alonso, “he perseveres because of his winning combination of brains and heart” (”Iron Man Insider”). Tony himself even proclaims “I shouldn't be alive, unless it was for a reason...I just finally know what I have to do. And I know in my heart that it's right...there is the next mission, and nothing else” (Iron Man).
In almost any story that’s called a tragedy, the protagonist(s) dies at the end. Take, for example, Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth, and The Fall of Icarus. Unfortunately for Tony Stark, this trope still applies. The final nail in the coffin for Tony’s tragic-yet-heroic narrative is his battle against Thanos in Avengers: Endgame. After having survived wave after countless wave of attacks against both himself and his planet, Tony is forced to make the ultimate sacrifice, despite having finally achieved all but one of his goals throughout the MCU: “Peace in our time” (Avengers: Age of Ultron; Avengers: Endgame).
Despite everything, though—all the pain, suffering, torment, betrayals, and losses—he keeps getting up and coming back to fight the bad guys in a bid to make the world a better place. And perhaps this is the most tragic part about him. It’s not that he keeps losing, it’s that he keeps believing that someday, somehow, he’ll get his happy ending. And now that we know how Tony’s character arc ends, we also know that he never truly finds it.
Works Cited (for things that aren’t the movies)
“First-of-its-Kind Course to Examine ‘Universe’ of Cinematic Storytelling, Perspectives in Ongoing Marvel Films.” (2014, Sep 16). Targeted News Service.
“Iron Man Insider.” Discover, vol. 34, no. 4, May 2013, p. 23. EBSCOhost.
@teamsharoncarter. “Tony Stark lifted up his arms, covering his face when Steve was going to hit him with the shield, subtly showing that Tony is used to anyone he trusted to betray him and try to kill him.” Tumblr, http://teamsharoncarter.tumblr.com/post/144019313080/tony-stark-lifted-up-his-arms-covering-his-face.
Wallace, Jennifer. (2012). “The Tragic Paradox.” Comparative Drama, 46(4), 545-548,581.In almost any story that’s called a tragedy, the protagonist(s) dies at the end. Take, for example, Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth, and The Fall of Icarus. Unfortunately for Tony Stark, this trope still applies.
#spoilers#endgame spoilers#avengers spoilers#marvel spoilers#endgame#avengers#marvel#so many spoilers#don't read unless you've seen endgame i'm serious#yes i cited a tumblr post#the lengths i go to write essays dammit#tony stark#tony stark spoilers#because there's so many spoilers#dead serious#essay#tumblr essay#this is for a grade#you're all welcome#character analysis
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