#I am answering this because I crave social interaction | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ice-and-starlight · 1 year

Note

I’m jumping you back into the hp fandom. I need to know your in depth opinions on jily!

Are you sure? I mean, are you sure?

...Alright, then.

WARNINGS: This is going to be so very extremely anti. Anti-Lily, Anti-James, Anti-Jily, Anti-JKR. Just... so much negativity. Seriously, please don't read this if you like even a part of any of these.

Are we clear?

Okay.

So, to begin with, James and Lily are held up as paragons of virtue for a lot of the first half of the series, and I'm honestly convinced that's what JKR intended them to be. Even when she tries to make them more like characters than ideals, it's fairly half-hearted from an author who has brought us such great examples of depth and complexity as Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore.

There is so much room for extrapolation and fan interpretations, not least of all because both of them exhibit some deeply disturbing behaviour that mostly gets glossed over by the narrative. And my interpretations aren't going to be kind. Mostly, I'm sad to say, as a reaction to 1) fans of Jily trying to shove it down my throat when I was a teenager and 2) JKR's anti-trans warmongering making me highly critical of a lot of her attitudes towards gender, sexuality, and relationships.

So, first, I'm going to try and detail what we actually know about them from canon. Then, I'm going to talk a bit about how knowledge of JKR's prejudices and biases have affected my interpretation. Then... I'm going to drag Jily through the mud.

So, James and Lily met on the train to boarding school at eleven. James picked on her friend based on a social prejudice that's new to her, and she removed them from the situation. Over the following years, James picks on her friend frequently, which she doesn't ever seem indignant about, culminating in the event where James, who's had a crush on her for a while and obviously enough that Severus noticed it, tries to threaten her into dating hi., Lily puts him down harshly, and then leaves her newly ex-friend to his mercies after he insulted her. At some point about a year to a year and a half later, they start dating after 'James deflated his head a little'. They marry straight out of school, and join a vigilante group to fight terrorists together. Also, James goes into training to become an Auror. There is no mention, afaik, as to what else Lily is doing in that time, besides that we know that she and James 'thrice defied' Voldemort, presumably in person, given that I'm sure a lot more couples 'thrice defied' him in some way during the course of those three years. They have a child two years into joining this war, and go into hiding to protect him. They know there's a spy in the Order, and this fractures their friendships (well, James's we're never told who Lily's friends are besides Severus except that she has them), while James chafes at the restrictions of being in hiding. Eventually, Voldemort finds them, and James tries to hold him off without a wand while Lily runs upstairs to get Harry, then stands over his crib begging Voldemort to spare her baby.

That's... pretty much all we know of them from canon.

Metatextually, we know that Lily is meant to represent the unconditional love of the mother, the selfless sacrifice, and James is meant to represent the ideal that Harry's striving to become. (Ask me some time about how disturbing I find the parallels between Jily and Hinny.) And that together, they are meant to be the shining example of love and happiness and bravery and justice. (Also ask me some time about how there isn't a single adult in Harry's life who looks at him and cares (or doesn't care) about him for him, instead of because of who his parents are.)

And given what I now know about JKR's ideas about gender, gender roles, and therefore the standard hetrosexual relationships of our society... The disturbing inconsistencies between what we're told about Jily and what we actually see of their relationship begin to make a lot more sense.

So on the one hand, I fully believe that Lily and James belong together and deserve each other. On the other, I don't really mean that as a good thing.

James's feelings towards Lily are not selfless and they're not kind. He bullies her friend and tries to use that as leverage to get her to date him, and literally only stops where she can see him after that. Lily... finds that good enough. Frankly, given some of the details and turns of phrase in the the Prince's Tale, I would go so far as to say she passively encouraged him even before that. Look at the way she talks to Severus about the bullying. She condemns James's behaviour once, in passing, to stop Severus from bringing him up so that she can continue to scold him. (I'm not passing judgement on whether that scolding was justified or not, that is a whole different meta.)

We don't know what they looked like while they were dating, but we do know they probably weren't even dating for a full year before they got married. Understandable given the state of war their world was in, but... not something I'd hold up as a sign of good decision making on either of their parts. James 'got the girl' (I don't think I need to elaborate on why I find that whole dynamic skeevy) and Lily... I get some serious 'I can fix him' vibes from her decision to date him, and that never ends well. After that, we're told that James and Sirius are trying/want to become Aurors. (I think. I can't actually remember where... Please correct me if I'm wrong and that's only fanon.) With no mention of what Lily's doing afaik.

We know she fights for the order, but... I expect, if you asked JKR what Lily's career was, the answer would be 'housewife'. Within a year or so, she's pregnant, a year later, she's in hiding, a year later, she's dead.

Now, I do understand that part of the justification for all of this will be 'it was war, they were young and in love', but it seems like a really stupid thing, to me, when they've been personally and repeatedly targeted by Voldemort himself, to have a baby. They're really young, James can't possibly be out of training yet, there is a mass-murdering dark wizard gunning for them, Lily is part of his preferred demographic to torture and kill, and their reaction is 'you know what would make this situation better? A baby!'?!

Now, why would Lily, who from what we've seen was a passionate, (self-)righteous person, be willing to take time off from fighting a war that's both extremely personal to her and also escalating fairly quickly, to dedicate herself to raising a baby? Because motherhood is the epitome of womanhood. How could she not?

Hello, JKR, I can see you there behind the curtain again.

As for James in all of this... Well, I've written a draft ranting about James Potter that I didn't post because I try not to spew negativity all over the internet anymore (I tried that once, it wasn't fun for anybody). But I will say that I think there are some deeply sinister interpretations of a rich spoiled bully immediately going into law enforcement after school while his 'headstrong' wife ends up staying home to watch the baby.

TL;DR: Lily and James are that perfect married couple who on the surface appear to be every romantic dream made real, but when you scratch the surface, a lot of ugliness oozes out. At best they were young and stupid and made some significant mistakes that they never got the chance to learn from and reflect on because they died so young. At worst they were a toxic, abusive mess vying for power over each other and we only never got to see them fall apart because they died so young.

(Of course, they never would have, because we know that this is JKR's idea of an ideal relationship. Yikes.)

They are so severely fucked up, and if they'd actually been presented that way, I might have actually found them engaging and interesting, as individuals and as a couple. But I took a hard right into 'I'm fucking done' because so many people bought into the stereotypical heteronormative love story of a couple who can do no wrong.

#ANTI #anti Jily #anti James Potter #anti Lily Evans #anti JKR #I am not kidding #I am not kind to anyone in this post #and while I am happy to have a friendly debate on this #don't try to come at me because you're pro any of this #it's behind a read more for a reason #just keep scrolling #I am answering this because I crave social interaction #and this is the first ask I've gotten in a w h i l e #but I AM aware that there's a high likelihood #of this being an attempt to stir shit #rather than a genuine question #...I am a fool #I am aware

116 notes · View notes

knifearo · 5 months

Note

hi, i’m having a really hard time rn and i found a post of yours randomly on my dash, so i’m not sure if you’ve already answered a thing like this. if you have, feel free to just ignore this! if you haven’t though, how did you know you were asexual? i feel like romance is just a hypothetical for me, but i crave it so badly. it just feels like the second i try to put anything into action, im suddenly repulsed. but it also makes me so sad that i respond this way. am i just socially anxious, or does this sound like an aromantic who has fallen victim to societal standards?

hi hiiiii!!! first of all: i love you and you're doing great. second of all: being aroace, my discovery of aspec stuff kind of went hand in hand. i was lucky enough to have terminology available to me, and figured it out pretty young; i had a lot of the same stuff going on, though. when someone first suggested i might be ace, i (not really knowing enough about what that meant) said "sure, but i want a partner. someone who's always there with me and supporting me." later that year/the year after, i looked a little more into it and went, "oh, that's what it is!" and then it felt super natural from there to pick up the aromantic label too. to me, they've always been intertwined.

the actual things that helped me Figure It Out were definitely shared experiences (hearing people describe squishes was an aha moment for sure, and hearing someone say that they had thought sexual attraction was a joke and then realizing that it. wasn't an elaborate inside joke. very jarring lmao) but i definitely had the same hesitations when it came to romance. six or seven years after coming out, i've since realized that what i wanted wasn't actually a partner; i was craving intimacy and the feeling of being special and prioritized by someone, and the way i'd been programmed to want that was through a partner. i'm super strong about being non-partnering now, and i feel that all my needs in that direction are met by my close personal relationships, cause what i actually wanted was never romance; at least personally, it never occurred to me that you would probably want to like. kiss a partner. maybe share a bed or smth. not a single thought in my head about that lmao

if you're feeling repulsed, my instinct is to say that it's probably not something that you want. my advice here is to really examine what you're looking for. do you want romance because you want romance, or because amatonormativity has gotten it into your head that romance is the only way that you can have certain things?

another thing to consider is that amatonormativity can and will kind of like. program you to want romance. and it can be really hard to let go of that, even if romance is something that actively repulses/stresses you out. remember that you have a lifetime behind you of being told that romance is the greatest thing on earth, that it completes you, that it's life's ultimate goal, and that that stuff can be hard to overcome. i know a lot of people feel a fair bit of grief over losing the chance at romance, even if the reason is that they don't actually want romance. it's a strange place to be in. your prerogative here is to figure out your own personal relationship with romance, and however it ends up, that's fine.

it's also totally possible that you're aromantic and you just want romance. that's totally fine! wanting romantic interactions does not constitute romantic attraction, which is the core thing here. you can be aromantic and be in a romantic relationship. the external things are not as important as how you feel on the inside.

so much more that i could say, but i'll try and pause myself here for now. to quote one of my own posts: you can literally just be aromantic. it's free and nobody's stopping you. as long as that label is useful to you, it's yours. look more into amatonormativity, think a lot about things, and spend some time in community spaces; you have all the time in the world, and all the support you could ever want from me and the rest of the community <3 stop by in the ask box or the dms anytime! absolute best of luck to you. kisses <3

#fr if you want interaction send in an ask anytime <3 #people are here for you! :D #god this post is fucking long. sowwy would edit it down a little but i'm rushing out to get to work. wanted to get you an answer asap <3 #you're doing great! keep it up! everything's going to be okay :)#ask #aromantic #aromanticism #arospec #aroace #aro positivity #talking

10 notes · View notes

hel-phoenyx · 30 days

Text

Ether is @noa-de-cajou 's character, Xingtzao the Almighty GF's and Agathe is @thal-ent 's

______

Morning coffee in the kitchens of the Shabbatai Empire, let's be honest, nothing compares to that. And by morning I mean "before dawn". Full moon woke me up and now that it's over I am tired and cranky and craving a big old steak.

But Xingtzao said no steak on mornings so I had to settle with coffee. At least I can digest it, that could be worse. I wonder if Allegra can drink that safely. I should ask her.

Let's not derail. So, I am in the kitchens of the Empire, before everyone will come storming in and probably screams because I look like a bear out of hibernation, and am probably as grumpy. I don't have time to stay there, not as much as I would want to, but it's fine. When the first people start coming in, I'll just change resting places and go sleep in what was the harem before.

But first, coffee. Aaaaaah, it feels good to drink something hot.

Movement catches my eye when I put my empty cup down. I jump on my feet, expecting one of the chiefs ready to kick me out, but instead of a cook, I find myself in the presence of an elf-lady, dark-skinned with purple hair, looking as surprised to see me here as I am.

I lift an eyebrow. What is the empress consort doing here that early in the morning?

"Something the matter, Ether?"

She blinks. Before, probably, winking. We can't tell with that eyepatch, not really, but there is some subtle change of her expression when she does one, or the other.

And currently, the smile I'm seeing is probably a proof she's not just blinking.

"You know, Lycarn, she says with that smile, you have a very pretty butt. It is too bad you have to sit on it, want to sit on me instead?~"

Oh no, not again.

She is in one of those moments where she doesn't make sense. That's unnerving, I'm not gonna lie. What does she want with my butt? And why sitting on her? I'm probably at least twenty kilograms heavier than her, this will be deadly...

Rolling my eyes, I put my cup back and sighs, not even looking in her general direction.

"I kinda have to sit if I want to rest, Ether. And no, I won't.... Sit on you. That would crush you, and I don't want to hurt you."

As infuriating as she is especially in those moments, I guess seeing her in pain creates that ache in my heart. It's even worse since Savannah's death. I suppose it's because I want to protect the girl she went to Niwloedd with.

Ether blinks, this time, but I don't give her the opportunity to answer. The first cooks enter the kitchen and I sprint out, clearly not in the mood for unwanted social interaction.

***

I'm tanning under the sun of the imperial gardens, or trying, at the very least. The combo of my moon-cursed nature, my fair skin and my powers makes it difficult not to get sunburnt. But feeling the sun on my skin is soothing, especially after a full moon.

The maid brought me a tea. She did not stick around that much, but the tea and the anole time taste wonderfully. Servants seem to avoid me, from the most part. I don't know if it's because of the big bad wolf, the resting bitch face, or the fact that I am clearly from the north, with very Inky facial features.

Hate of Ink Republic is strong here. I wonder how Ether is doing, when they drag Faloi Frosilæn in the mud like they do.

Speaking of the devil, there she is. She also carries a cup of tea, and her clothing is far more revealing than mine. Her skin probably supports sunrays better than mine. Lucky bitch.

I turn away my gaze, because I'm envious, and not because she flaunts her belly and hips, mind you. But she still comes near me and sit down under my tree, with her cup in one hand and a book in the other.

"A sunbath sounds good. Mind if I join you?"

"Oh, not at all. Needed a break from the whole consort thing?"

"You have no idea. Ai... I mean Xingtzao is tired of me, I believe. For her defense, me playing footsies under the table is not the best way to allow her to concentrate."

I roll my eyes when she waggles her eyebrows, hardly keeping my smile in check.

"None of your stinky toes near me, milady, or I'll bite them off pronto."

"I would joke about that but I saw your teeth from up close and I certainly do not want them near my toes. Somewhere else, maybe....~~~~~"

And there she is again. Seriously? Second time this day!

"I'm still infectious, Ether. You do not want to be a werewolf on top of everything."

"That wasn't what I meant-"

"What then? Don't tell me having the equivalent of a second period is attractive, because I won't believe you."

I said that under the tone of a joke, but I've never been more serious. I'm used to my curse, I lived with it for almost forty years now, but I don't want anyone suffering under it.

That curse killed Mythras searching for a remedy. Twice. No one should ever undergo that.

Ether sighs. But, and I'm thanking her for that, she keeps silent. She just opens her book and lean on me to drink her tea.

I let her put her head on my shoulder. Afternoon nap is better shared, after all.

***

"What's with Ether these days?"

Agathe lifts her head, turning in my general direction. It's the time of the week I help her preening her wings, and at the same time, brush her long, jet-black hair; we often use those hours to talk about our life in the castle, as first concubine and, well, partner of the first concubine. Usually it's just anecdotes shared about the other officials, Xingtzao or the diplomats seeking an audience, but today a more urgent subject is haunting my thoughts and it's dark-skinned, pointy-eared and eerily handsome.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's been some days since she started saying nonsense. Like she wants me to bite her, or, that my father stole stars, or... I'm not gonna cite all of it, I add while Agathe just bursts out laughing. Funny, huh?"

"Oh, yes, very funny indeed, my love. And she started talking like that since..."

I take a moment to think.

".... Three or four days, I believe? Well, she already didn't make that much sense back on Niwloedd, but it's worse now. What's with her?"

Agathe snickers a little, while guiding my hand on a very unyielding feather on top of her wing.

"Who knows, my moon. Maybe you should ask her directly."

And I fold, because Agathe's feathers are soft and her hand even softer and her voice when she call me by that petname the softest and I forget what we were talking about.

***

A visit of the Immortal King in Shabbatai is not exactly common, rare enough for the whole staff to freak out, but if I'm being honest, I probably saw Baku more than Xingtzao herself even though he had to pretext something official to explain getting out of his cave.

So now we're just sitting around a table, me drinking my coffee and him making the pastries even regret being baked. His sweet tooth seems to be difficult to follow for the cooks. That's probably why the cake on the table is a classic Mandate one.

The invasion of the King in the kitchens would not be a bloody one, but it was certainly noteworthy. It took every last drop of Agathe's persuasion power to make the cooks let him bake.

I don't mind at all. I missed his pastries.

"Settling well in Shabbatai, I see, he says with a smile when a maid braver than the others waves in our direction. That's good."

"Yeah, it's not my usual environment, but I'm doing well. I wouldn't go anywhere else anyway. Agathe is there and I don't intend to live without her, and she won't leave without Ether and Xingtzao."

"How is Ether, by the way? I haven't see her since the wedding. Lamia sends her regards."

"She's still alive?"

"Black magic does wonders. She does look significantly older now, but that never stopped her from living. I think handing the crown to Daiyei helped her organism recover."

He sighs.

"I wish Lina was awarded the same luxury. But well, no need to dwell on that. Nothing happened between you and Xingtzao since my last visit?"

I shrug, taking another pastry from the plate.

"No, and it's not like I'm pursuing her. She already has her hands full with Ether, I don't want to add to the mess. Plus, I don't know how to flirt with ladies. I already don't know how I got Agathe."

A smile grew on his lips, a little teasing.

"Oh, I have my ideas. Speaking of, isn't that her with Ether coming our way?"

I turn around in the direction he points, and sure enough, there is Agathe, strolling hand in hand with Ether in the garden. They seem to have noticed us, since Agathe points towards Baku with uncertainty while Ether reassures us.

Black mages auras, I guess. Agathe told me mine is contrebalanced with pure white, more and more prominent the less I use my powers, but Baku has his constantly activated, not that he wants to. So the aura must reflect that.

Nonetheless, the two women still approach us, and Agathe salutes Baku with a polite reverence while Ether waves toward us.

"Lycarn, sir, I wasn't expecting to find you here!"

"We're just sunbathing. Is Xingtzao seeking me? Or you want to join us, perhaps?"

"Don't worry! I already just met the sun, says Ether while winking in my direction. My day is lighted enough as it is!"

Again?! And in front of my mentor of all people, are you fucking serious, girl?? Worst is both Agathe and Baku started snickering and this is just driving me crazy.

With the coldest stare I can get, I turn towards Ether and cross my arms in front of my chest, trying not to let the sudden bloodlust show because this one is werewolf-induced.

I mean, no other reason for me to want to claw at her skin and hear her whimper in pleas- pain under my tongue, right?

"Ether, I am a godsdamn moon mage, I cannot shine upon you with sun powers! Please refrain from saying nonsense when we are in public!"

Baku's eyes widen. Probably because he's afraid I'm gonna lash out. No time for him to interject, though, because Agathe, probably animated by the same thoughts, just takes Ether hand and starts sprinting towards the place. Ether has to stop her wing from getting caught in the door, but aside from that, they're quickly out of my sight, finally allowing me to relax.

I let out an exasperated sigh in front of Baku's doubtful expression.

"Seriously! I tolerated that when we were alone, but in public is too much!"

Baku bites the inside of his cheek.

"....... That's not the first time?"

"Not at all, I grunted. She's like this since weeks. I enjoy her company, don't get me wrong, and otherwise she is really pleasurable to be around, but that I really don't get. Why must she always spout nonsense??"

"............. Girl."

"What?"

Baku puts his head in one of his hands, leaving me dumbfounded and unable to understand.

"You really were not exaggerating, you don't know how to flirt with ladies."

***

I'm sat on one of the softest pillows of the most comfortable room of the harem, probably the best place I could find to nap, but no way for me to stop feeling restless.

This is starting to get really, really fucking annoying. First Agathe, then Baku, and now Xingtzao coming in to tell me to pay more attention to Ether's behaviour, and for what?! So I can continue to not understand how the fuck she's acting?

This is unnerving. And not because the more time passes and the more I feel stupid. Like there is a social clue I didn't get. But what moondamned social clue brings that kind of behavior-

Luckily, I'm not entirely alone in the room. A cat is sleeping at my feet, beautiful, black with white spots. Cats were the only creatures not afraid of me, I never quite knew why. Baku says it's because Moon is a cat and they probably wanted to soothe the curse or something. I don't know.

My hand goes through the fur of the kitty, and he starts purring, showing me his belly. That calms me down a little.

"You're a lucky bastard, you know that, I say to the little feline still purring. You don't have things to understand in this palace."

The cat tilts his head toward me, eyes still closed. I take it as an invitation to continue talking.

"I mean, not understanding is a thing, but when everyone acts like I should get it... It's alienating. I'm starting to get angry at Ether for no reason. I don't want to, you know."

Silence, only broke by the cat's tiny meow. I sigh.

"She's really pretty and all, and... Kind-hearted, too. Like a doctor is. I don't mind the nonsense, really, I can bear being annoyed. But these days I'm not annoyed, I'm angry. And it hurts. Because she kinda stopped, and.... I don't want her to stop?"

A tail around my wrist guides my hands further on the cat's belly. I laugh a little.

"You sure know how to express what you want, little buddy. I wish it was that easy."

The cat paws me. I laugh some more.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it, less talking, more petting. Jeez, you cats really are pushy creatures."

I start petting again, and the cat purr some more. His fur is so soft under my fingers, like Agathe's feathers. Or her skin. I wonder if Ether's would be soft too. For now, I only felt her hair against my cheek, and a glimpse of her when she brushes past me to meet Xingtzao. This is not enough to know.

My free hand linger on my hips, where only the light fabric on my dress rest. Usually, when I do that, I picture Agathe's hands in it's place, or Xingtzao's. Strangely, today, my mind doesn't picture a dark, adorned with deep blue nails hand, or the one, fairer, of my empress. No, the tone I picture is warm, and the texture rough as must be fingers that grip a scalpel so long a day.

I stop. Reluctantly, surprisingly, but I don't need more confusion.

"I really don't get what I feel, you know. I never was angry that often, and it's not like back then at the blood moon. It's not a.... Destructive anger. I want to put my hands on her, sure, but I don't want to see any blood or guts or gore, or... I see us fighting, but she's on top of me, even though I'm stronger than her, and I like that. Like when I'm with Agathe, but with Ether's usual provocations and insolence and... And..."

I stop in my tracks. Not because thr words stopped coming, I still have plenty. Rather because in the entrance of the harem is a familiar face, and the red covering her cheeks is severely clashing with the purple of her hair.

My skin suddenly feel way too uncomfortable for me. Without talking about my dress.

".......... Ether?"

She doesn't move a finger, still blushing like a tomato. And the more time passes, the more heat burns under my cheeks.

"You..... You heard that?"

She nods at a supersonic speed, still mute. The cat rolls over, eyes still close, tail wagging as if he was mocking me. But insolent felines are the last of my preoccupations right now.

I clear my throat, trying to take back some sort of composure.

"What.... Are you doing here?"

She steps forward, closing the door behind her. Her cheeks are still red. Moon be damned, I'm so embarrassed. Me and my big mouth...

"I... Well, Agathe told me to seek you, and that you were at the harem. I didn't mean to... You know. Hear that."

"Sorry. I'll keep my thoughts for myself, next time."

"No! This is not what I-"

She takes a big breath, before sitting in front of me, on the same pillow. Her strands of hair are pulled under her fingers like rats' tails. That must hurt. But judging by what I just said, I'd better refrain myself from taking her hair out of her hands.

"I mean. Uh. You can continue to think out loud, I don't want to stop you, and..."

She close her eyes, before letting her hair go and taking my hand in her.

"What I meant to tel' you is, well, that I really, really like you, Lycarn. Like a lot. But I'm not good at expressing it, or saying it clearly, and lately I was under the impression you were uncomfortable with my heavy flirting, and like, I don't want that, so I stopped, but..."

I stopped listening somewhere in the monologue.

Heavy flirting.

So many things made more sense now. Like Agathe telling me to talk to her. Or Baku saying I don't know how to flirt with women. Or Xingtzao's teasing smile.

But most importantly, there is those little words lost somewhere in the flow. Like you. Ether likes me. Ether likes me maybe like she likes Agathe, or Xingtzao, or on her own terms, I don't know. Ether likes me and hearing that makes my heart beat a little faster.

I squeeze her hand, making her shut up.

"Ether."

She blinks.

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

For some seconds, damning seconds, she is a bit taken aback. But something seems to light in her eyes after that time, and her insolent smile is back on her lips, with her left hand, the cold one, finding it's way to my cheek.

"Since it's asked so politely, who am I to refuse."

Her head tilts toward me. And when her lips meet mine, when I finally feel the warmth of her body through my dress, I can't help but thinking maybe I was not angry at all.

On the corner of the room, I see the cat hide, giving us some privacy. I don't remember cats being able to have such red eyes.

I stopped thinking seconds after.

#hel is talking #hel ocs #lysara #lysara ibruael #hel stories #hel writing #some lycether fluff for the people uwu #yeah homegal is dense af but she didn't have many lesbians hitting on her before cut her some slack

6 notes · View notes

stonesandswords · 1 year

Note

Me: I am not comfortable with the entire concept of Jade as a symbol of writers that don’t understand how race impacts experience and think a lot of the way people discuss her is evidence of a very white fandom that thinks working in customer service is an excuse to be a jerk to someone that literally just asked politely for a table.

Also me, guiltily: The concept of Nate so longing for connection to someone that he’s delighted at someone sitting down to have some dessert with him and Jade being nice to someone who is clearly having a bad day is really sad and sweet.

Ugh!!!! I get this!!! Sorry if I kinda lost the plot with this answer. I was trying to be thoughtful and then got a bit carried away with my thoughts about the topic. But it's definitely a double-edged sword there, and I'd love to hear more of your thoughts about it!

On one hand, I’m so happy Nate finally feels seen, even just a little, for his completely wonderful but quirky, normal self. Like he was having a bad day, which seemed cumulative of a lot of things and really highlighted Nate's introvertedness and awkwardness as a person. He's come across Jade at her job a few different times now, that we've seen, at different stages of his career and social life. For so long, Nate has thought that social status was something he wanted to achieve and would finally gain him respect from people who aren't really his peers.

This scene made me think of when Nate and Keeley were having a conversation in Keeley's office at Richmond, talking about being rich and famous or whatnot, and Nate commented that he wouldn't mind the groupies, and Keeley laughed telling him that he wouldn't. Like Nate is getting all these high-status things he thought he wanted: a new fancy car from Rupert, invites to fancy events with other high-status folks, and dates with famous models and socialites.

Yet, despite this, Nate still set the date at A Taste of Athens (*Rebecca Welton voice* in Tooting!) simply because he likes it there! It's sentimental to him! His family has probably been going there for decades. It doesn't take much to impress Nate because he knows what he likes. I mean, look at how he still drove around his green mini cooper despite getting the manager job at West Ham.

It's just very interesting to see the difference between noticing the very simple and sentimental things that he clearly loves and enjoys, but not really realizing that that's just enough for him. Clearly, from what we've seen, what Nate craves most, is validation. He assumes living this high-profile, high-status life will give him that validation, but it's just not enough.

Because on the other hand, what we've seen from Nate's interactions with his parents and with Ted, what Nate truly craves is validation from the people who he admires, loves, and respects the most. He craves validation from people he looks up to, and I think that the scene with Jade and the baklava shows that, in comparison to Anastasia, Nate doesn't actually look up to or respect the people he's currently surrounded by. And honestly, I hope that Nate realizes this soon, for his own benefit.

But I agree there’s a lot to it about race and the general stereotype of customer service in general, throughout the whole show. Like Jade’s entire existence has been pretty … unreadable? Like we take a look at how the episode ended and I feel like I can retroactively be like “Oh I guess I can see maybe what the writers were trying to do here.” But realistically there’s not much continuity in how Jade seems to be presented during her job.

I can’t tell if her role is to try and humble Nate or something, but if so, why must it be a white hostess at a run-of-the-mill Greek restaurant in South London? Like she’s just so oddly rude to Nate, and listen I understand having an off day or long day, but she’s aloof and cold to Nate every time he comes in. IIRC, we don’t see her interact with any other customers enough to tell if she’s like this with all of them or just with Nate (I’m happy to stand corrected on this one). Even if it’s just Jade being unimpressed with Nate trying to flex his famous associations or his own high-profile job title, she doesn’t have to be so dismissive and get his name wrong on purpose (even when Nate continuously remembers hers and refers to her by her correct name), it’s bothersome for sure.

Also re: my point about Keeley being the one person to kind of hint to Nate that he wouldn’t like fame as much as he thinks he would? Like why is it that the two characters who ever really seem to side-eye Nate’s intentions are Keeley and Jade? Because that’s putting just as much pressure on them to get through to Nate as women, as it is on Nate as a man of color whose understanding of himself seems to be shifted onto the white women around him.

I’m hoping that this season sees Nate shaping up on his own, and having him remember the empathy of someone who was always kind of standoffish and unsympathetic toward him. That he can use this moment of kindness from Jade to reflect on his own relationships with others around him. Because in a way, the sharing of the baklava was the closest to an apology that we see Nate get from anyone in the series. I hope it was the fact that Jade overheard Nate talking the food and the restaurant up and totally altered her preconceived ideas of Nate, apologizing with a place of baklava.

#that was a long winded reply and i'm not sure if all of it was directly related to your ask haha oops #but thank you for pointing the Nate and Jade dynamic!#there's something about it that i can't tell if it's weird or compelling #ted lasso #nate shelley #ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso meta

20 notes · View notes

onlyjaeyun · 1 month

Note

Zaidieee loveee!! How are you??? How’s your day been?? No how has your week been? I’ve never felt so attached to an author before but I’ve missed you so much is an understatement. When will you be active again?? And by active no I don’t mean your works, I mean replying to asks regularly???? I miss youuu, I need updates daily or I’ll DIE. Is there any drama? Family drama? Campus drama? Work drama? ANYTHING?? Also I have some basic questions for you

1. What’s your favorite season?

2. What’s your favorite food and drink

3. What’s your avorite place

4. What’s your favorite work of yours?

5. What’s your favorite work of someone else?

6. When’s your birthday?

7. Can we PLEASE be moots?? 😭😭

Love you Zaidie, don’t skip meals and remember to update me or I’ll srsly throw a fit 😭😭🩷

hi baby!!!!

thank you so much for the love, I deffo miss you all a lot too and am patiently waiting for the times where life's a little less hectic so I can actually find the energy to properly interact with you guys again!!!</3

atm life's been a little uninteresting, its just hectic because I feel like I keep having to do things and am mentally preparing myself for the semester which starts next week :// but besides that everything's been okay, im just very exhausted from constant social interaction and am genuinely craving a day where im just by myself doing nothinggg </3

to answer your questions!

im an autumn girly all the way!!! I love spring too but autumn is usually the perfect temperature and I love the whole transition to winter!!!!

I love lasagna and sushi!! my fave drinks are anything bitter lemon related lmao

favorite place is deffo my bed im not even trying to be corny or whatever I just love spending time in my bed lol

that question is always so difficult but ive recently resisted my old blogs and one big fave is a fanfic called "what you deserve" which I wrote for an anime character (tooth oikawa from haikyuu!!) which isn't up anymore but it's a 10k worded old friends to lovers fix and kinda means a lot to me idk might reupload it for one of the boys !!!

I've read so much ff in the past few years ive literally forgotten about most or they're just fuzed in my head lmao but I lit love everything my moots write

September 18th!

and yes ofc!!

thank you so much for this baby, I hope youre taking care of yourself too!!!<333

#; mailbox 📬#im on desktop so no emojis im sorry

3 notes · View notes

toddstool · 2 months

Note

Hello

I started looking into radical feminism a little over a year ago while I was rebuilding and repairing the damage to my life caused by men. It gave me a sense of belonging and made me think critically about a lot of things I had always taken for granted. I especially enjoyed how everyone seemed to encourage one another to question everything consistently. It was very good for my outlook and mental health.

Over time, the posts seemed to shift from educational to sensational. Im not saying this was the fault of the posters, I’m just saying what I experienced. It went from primarily discussing nuanced topics with no real answer which i thoroughly enjoyed since it encouraged thought, to primarily posts highlighting the depravity of men. I tried to filter these out as the thought of women being brutalized can cause me distress and panic.

The biggest shift, however, happened when I expressed my opinion on female separatism. I am quite pro and strongly believe that it is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your female loved ones. I did not understand in the slightest how women who claimed to be radical feminists could marry a man while continuing to hold their beliefs and values. I expressed this. I was blocked by a few mutuals and even more radfems I had never even spoken to. I knew upon making a “radblr” account that I would be blocked by half of tumblr but I didnt think it would be by the same people preaching to question everything and have open nuanced discussions. I considered deleting then because the website became almost unusable.

Instead, i found other radfems to follow. I became less likely to express an idea i was unsure of. I started step back from radblr as a place of learning and discussion and viewed it as an anonymous social media website. I was overwhelmed with the amount of posts detailing abuse and femicide. I understand that these events need attention for things to change, but as they were it felt more dirty. Like exploiting their stories for rage bait.

So with little to no traction on posts trying to discuss nuanced feminist topics and an overflow of notes on any silly dumb argument post, I, without intending to, began to seek out more fights. I noticed that I became more prone to showing my ass by replying with what i knew would get the most attention. I am not perfect. I crave attention and community like anyone else. When I became aware of what I was doing, I deleted the tumblr app. I felt weirdly empty and only managed to stay off tumblr for about three days. After that three days I saw the “I love men” post that I showed my whole ass on.

After that interaction was done, I started getting anons asking me how I could use the “dont forget your birth control” line since it was so obviously misogynistic and lesbiphobic. This would have been the ideal type of nuanced discussion i love if that’s what it had been. Is that line misogynistic? Why or why not?

But thats not what happened. What did happen was mutuals calling me names and blocking me. Radfems talking about how they always suspected I was lesbiphobic. I guess that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I realized that, at least for that account, everything I enjoyed about radblr was all but lost and everything I hated about the fandom/tra account I had was there. At this point I am just trying to stay off social media entirely, but it has become obvious that I am addicted to it. Pretty evident since I’m even typing this huh?

I may come back. I may not. Idk rn. We’ll see but for right now, I just wanted to tell someone why I deleted. I thought about making a post but that would be kinda dumb right? Haha.

I’d love to find a new place to discuss and philosophize but I dont think social media is the place to do it. Its not whats rewarded here.

Good luck and happy discussion, critical thought, and feminism!

-the blog formerly known as @lookupmedicalmisogyny

*for context: a while ago i made a post asking what happened to lookupmedicalmisogyny and she found it and sent me this anon :)*

not 100% sure if I should or shouldn't post this but hey it's whateva.

i totally agree that a lot of radblrs most popular posts nowadays are ragebait/sensational type posts that feel heavily focused on women's suffering or arguing with others on here, rather than educating or respectful discussions between our community. i don't really mind as I just scroll past stuff like that if I know it'll emotionally stress me out or if I find it uninteresting. these past 2 years anyway I've just used radblr to have fun with my mutuals/keep up with them and have a configurated feed to scroll made up from like-minded and or funny women. of course this works for me because I already got to experience and read well written and thought out posts when i was first getting into radical feminism. i mean one should read theory from genuine essays and books, but you can't disagree that quite a lot of girls and young women are first being introduced to radical feminism from social media ("properly" ig opposed to just thinking about it themselves). i think what a lot of women need are irl communities, and they replace that with online communities, because in person can be scary or difficult to do.

anyway kinda off topic there. i didn't see the post that you're talking about, so I'm not sure about any lesbophobic allegations. im not sure how "don't forget to take your birth control" could be considered lesbophobic according to a radblr prospective so idk 🤔 i do miss your educational posts. i remember them bringing topics to light that I had never known about when i was first getting away from liberal/capitalistic "feminism" that i was indoctrinated into as a kid. perhaps you could have one blog for writing serious/important posts for the feminist community and another more personal one that's for fun and to talk about mutuals. while I don't think online community is exactly the best, I wouldn't entirely discredit it. after all it allows us to connect with women all over the world and learn about their experiences! that's pretty awesome. and i can imagine men don't like the idea of women learning about our historical and worldwide oppression, connecting with women everywhere, and understanding intersectional feminism lol. i guess to sum it up as long as you have in person community that's involved with your local government and helping women near you, then i think online stuff is fine and actually a positive thing as well.

do what u feel is best for yourself! social media can be extremely damaging nowadays so take it easy and I hope everything gets better :·)

#trix talking #radblr #radical feminism #radical feminist community #female separatism #feminism #lookupmedicalmisogyny

6 notes · View notes

willywarfy · 9 months

Text

Welcome! Please read before interacting!

This is just a silly little rp blog, I've fallen back into WKM and WMW obsession and crave the characters SO MUCH so why not make yet another social media account centered around them

Admin intro!

Wilford's is further down

But hey, call me Night! Ooc i am 22, I don't rp nsfw with anybody under 18. My time zone is EST and am most active from 4 pm to 2 am. My rp style is literate, sometimes more or less depending on who I'm roleplaying with. My favorite tropes are angst, fluff, enemies to lovers, and action. In addition to rp I will be posting fics, headcanons, and art here as well.

Wilford intro!

Certainly crazy, but not as much as you might think.

After literally taking the lives of others and seeing them get back up, with the help of how weird reality seemed to be afterwards, Wilford forgot. He forgot EVERYTHING. A subconscious decision his mind made for him for him to cope. Now he's a crazy, happy, party animal. He loves martinis and disco. He insists he doesn't have some weird magical abilities, and claims he's just "learned to adapt to the world around him." He can appear anywhere he wants to in reality, and can read people's thoughts if he wants to. He can bend some images of reality to his liking, nothing major but just little details. Like if he needs a small object.

If interacting pre WMW:

He still doesn't remember anything. Abe hasn't found him, and he's spent his days happy. If someone were to make him remember, it would be a really hard blow to his mental state. He'd try very hard to hold on to the peace he had found, trying to block out everything as he did before. But it wouldn't work, as he now is hanging around (your character) who reminded him of everything. It would be very hard to break down his walls and get him to talk about anything he was feeling, but it would be clear that he is struggling from his demeanor. But, if he doesn't remember what happened, he would be a crazy, happy party animal still.

If interacting post WMW:

He's not as happy as he once was. With his memories of his trauma and the causation of others traumas, he's changed. Not completely. He's still kinda crazy, definitely eccentric, but he's a bit more understanding of his fellow human beings now. He's more caring, and wants to be there for others- those he likes, anyway. He spent so long feeling nothing but happiness that now he feels every emotion very intensely. He loves deeply, rages occasionally, and gets depressed at times.

My ships and muses!

Muses:

Wilford Warfstache (obviously)

Damien

The colonel

Actor Mark

Darkiplier

The Host

Abe

Irl Mark occasionally

Ships:

ABESTACHE!!!! I prefer abestache over anything else!

Darkstache

Wilford x Actor Mark

Wilford x Yancy

Wilford x Engineer Mark

Other ships:

Damien x Actor Mark

Damien x Abe

Actor Mark x Abe

Darkiplier x Actor Mark

And you can suggest a ship not listed and I will let you know what I think! Very rarely I'm open to OC pairings, and I only do mxm ships.

Headcanons!

Wilford lives in a small one bedroom apartment, everything decorated with pink and rainbows.

Wilford is pansexual and is open about his sexuality

He is genderfluid, specifically between male-aligned and some non binary genders. His pronouns are he/him.

He likes dabbling in femininity, though cautious about who knows that if not a modern setting.

He loves the idea of settling down with someone, despite how much it seems to be the opposite

He either owns or will buy an axolotl, because "it is a strange but beautiful creature, like me!"

Loves alchohol and sometimes worse things

Rules

Not much, just be respectful. I will let you know if I won't be able to answer for longer than a day, and if I haven't explained that and haven't answered in 48 hours you can remind me. Just send a reminder, don't resend your rp reply. That's kind of rude in my opinion. I am open to nsfw, only if you're 18+. We'll discuss triggers together, I have a few headcanons that may be triggering to others so I won't post those publicly. I find anything less than a couple sentences to be boring and am never really motivated to answer those. Respect my rules, I will respect yours!

Rp tags!

Louise- #themadmansregrets

Abe- #dancingwithmadmen

Dark- #themadmansforgiver

Other Wilfords- #matchingwiththemadness

Celine- #madlovelongforgotten

And yeah that's it! I may add a few things here and there. My dms and asks are always open, so feel free to start a convo or dm to rp!

For asks, just clarify if you're speaking to pre or post WMW Wilford, as that will determine how he answers.

Thanks for stopping by!

12 notes · View notes

ultfreakme · 3 months

Note

what do you think..a JayJon social media au would be like? with or without powers? if you’re into those types of aus, you don’t have to answer if not!! Or maybe what’s a type of au you think would suit JayJon that you haven’t seen yet?

Hm, socmed AU? Huh I haven't thought much about it but I'd like a with powers one. Hehe I already had a bunch of headcanons, mostly that Jon stalked The Truth on social media and obsessively interacted with the account. Jay being Jon's social media manager kinda after the identity reveal. Official Batman picking fights with Official Superman account lol. People making fan edits of JayJon being cute lmao.

AU which I haven't seen yet?

Okay I discussed this on the supertruth discord. AU where exposure to red sun + multiversal travel and just being half-kryptionian and half- human has made......Jon a ghoul that craves human and kryptonian flesh. No wait hear me out, this is mostly for horror and thematic purposes.The primary one being that Jon hides these cravings but the more he hides, the worse he gets. These cravings are a representation of Jon suppressing his trauma and refusing to tell anyone about what he actually experienced. When Clois +superfam do learn what's up, they are terrified of him and aren't open to understanding him.

The cravings reduce to mere blood drinking vampire stuff when he's around Jay though. And that is because Jay is accepting and ready to hear out Jon's experience. He's the one person who doesn't expect him to be something he isn't. Jay accepts him, the ugly, the horrendous, the beautiful and the mundane. Basically, acknowledging the hunger reduces it. It's also a neat way to actually contend with literally everyone telling Jon he's an abomination but in canon he is perfectly fine, better even. Giving him something actually fucked up and hard to contend with will make superfam and us the audience question the idea of 'abomination' and how just because Jon doesn't fit into superfam expectations, doesn't mean he's lesser.

I am so sorry anon, you came to me for an innocent socmed AU and I have ended things in cannibalism. I am aware that like me and five others are the only people interested in this.

#riki asks #jayjon #jonjay #jon kent #jonathan kent #superman #superboy #jonathan samuel kent

3 notes · View notes

pianostarinwonderland · 2 years

Note

some fun twst questions for u <3

[i'm sending these to random ppl, feel free to answer if you see this and/or tag/send it to another person!]

would you be a mer, a beastman, a fae, or a human? (or other!)

would you be at rsa or nrc?

what dorm would you belong to?

what character(s) would you be best friends with?

what character(s) would you hate?

what character(s) would you date?

what would floyd’s nickname be for you?

and rook’s?

what twst character(s) are you most like? (personality-wise)

which subject(s) do you think you would excel at?

what club would you join?

how do you think you would survive in twisted wonderland/what would your life be like in general?

[optional!] what would your unique magic be?

OMG UWEHHH THIS IS SUPER LATE BUT HELLO THIS IS SO INTERESTING

Would you be a mer, a beastman, a fae, or a human?

Ooooh, I would honestly love to be a mer! The idea of having a mermaid tail always enticed me as a child, and I always wondered how life would be like living under the sea.

But if there's a type of fae that lives in outer space, I'll definitely switch to that. I want to be where the stars are as well 😭

Would you be at RSA or NRC?

NRC! I prefer their uniforms (pls, black uniforms are sexy), and I feel like I'd be more at home with their environment (even if it's a bit harsher in terms of social climate).

What dorm would you belong to?

Oh man, I've thought long and hard about this.

The two dorms I'd find myself in most likely are Octavinelle and Pomefiore.

Octavinelle because I'm very social and I crave social interaction. I will help people out if they need it, but I also tend to help people with a certain motive in mind. If I really want something, I will make plans in my head to get what I want or snag opportunities to get it.

Pomefiore because I do try to work on improving myself. Right now, I'm trying to work on how I present myself to others (which in a way is still Octavinellian) by fixing my hair a lot more and my wardrobe so I have nicer outfits. I try to improve in the way I converse with others while trying to remain true to who I am.

What character(s) would you be best friends with?

This one's hard to imagine because I really take the term best friend so seriously. Not only do I have to click with them, but I also have to consider how much we get to spend time together, how much I'll be able to trust them, etc.

I tend to get along best with people who talk a lot and make an effort to engage in conversation with me and other people. I like charismatic people. I absorb their energy so I'm also energetic when I talk to them. So I guess in this sense, I'd click best with people like Ace, Cater, Azul, and Kalim. But would I trust those people? 🤔 I know I wouldn't trust Kalim. Cater is someone who talks to everyone, so I feel like there would be a certain distance between him and me. Azul's an odd one because he can use certain things about you against you, but the thing is, he's also not totally defined by him and his contract deals, so I would think he'd be a good person to spend time with. So I guess that leaves him and Ace. Ace may be a big asshole, but he has a heart.

A friend told me I'd get along with Jade and Floyd, and I actually see it. Spending time with them would be fun, but I wouldn't trust them much xD

What character(s) would you hate?

Hate is a strong word, so I'll just answer this by listing off characters I would avoid.

I know I'd avoid Riddle and Vil. I feel like I'd be walking on eggshells with the two of them because I'm paranoid about Riddle catching me break any rules and Vil pointing out what I'm doing wrong. I'd also avoid Rook because he does have a Vibe that is not totally comfortable. I may also avoid Malleus because he's too distant for me. Sebek too, for similar reasons to Riddle. I feel like I'd be intimidated with Jack because of his aloofness as well. :')

What character(s) would you date?

Let's be honest, it's obvious who I would want to date 🤡

But I feel like out of all the characters, I'm most likely gonna end up in a date scenario with Cater, Ace, or Floyd. Those boys seem like the type to be g to go out on a whim. And I like going out, so if I ask them hey who wants to go with me to [insert mall], they might be the first ones to say yes

What would Floyd’s nickname be for you? And Rook's?

According to two of my friends:

I also feel like Rook might call me Madame Passion or something because when I am passionate about something, I am passionate (like, just look at the way I talk about Azul). I'm also an argumentative person and someone who's willing to call people out for being rude (as long as it's online), so there's that

What twst character(s) are you most like? (personality-wise)

Man, I see myself so much in Azul that it's insane 🤡 honestly if anything, Azul really affected my personality in the last two years I've liked him, especially when it comes to the friends I choose to keep and the way that I carry myself. honestly, it's for the better because now I feel more satisfied with myself. Azul really motivates me to improve myself, and I'm forever thankful to him for that

Which subject(s) do you think you would excel at?

Hmmmmm if there's an English subject, I will definitely excel that LMAO maths also for sure. Like please, they're learning linear equations in freshman year 😭 I have no idea how magical analysis/enigmics works, but maybe I might get a high grade there too

I'm just doubtful about PE and alchemy LMAO,,,, PE is uh PE and alchemy, I believe Crewel will see me as a walking hazard who struggles with lighting a match 💀

What club would you join?

Pop music, board game, and gourmet club are my top three choices. I would like to be able to join all three of them honestly

How do you think you would survive in Twisted Wonderland/what would your life be like in general?

I feel like it could either be the most difficult thing due to NRC being an all boys school that have a lot of Issues if I end up whisked there, or the best thing in my life because I know how to get along with people. Leaning to the latter because hey, that means I'm less burdened by family judging me lol

This was so fun to answer! Thank you so much for sending this :33 anyone can answer this, I won't tag

#ask

8 notes · View notes

jattendschaton · 1 year

Note

hehe ok I genuinely never thought 'sad and desperate' only more like OH! An open invitation!! Someone who is also craving semi-social interaction!

"#so i also have a lot of questions ive always wanted to be asked/have answers prepared for if someone asks"

Ohh??? (Same though xD) Mind if I drop by and ask you for one every once in awhile? Even if you think it's boring :3

Anyway, can you tell us one?

<3<3<3 I am responding to this so late, but thank you!! I absolutely would not mind at all if you dropped by and asked for one every once in a while, I'm very honored that you'd want to!

One thing I've been thinking about a lot today is how, theoretically, I know other people view Valentine's day as a romantic holiday and there are countless pieces of media in which some character bemoans the day, but I've never had an issue with it because I just genuinely don't view the day as inherently romantic? I have some friends who are a bit older than I am who experience a very real form of distress this time of year if they don't have S/Os, and I don't know if it's because I'm younger or what, but I just have never experienced that. Like, some people see pink and red hearts on everything at the grocery store and it instantly makes them upset because it's a reminder of something they don't have in their life that they really want, but I associate hearts way more with my friends and family than I ever have with romantic partners. And to be clear, I've been incredibly sad about not having a partner many times in my life, but nothing about Valentine's day gets me particularly upset because I really view it as an excuse to make silly cards for my friends and bake ugly treats and send dumb puns to people I haven't heard from in a while. I wonder if the younger generation is making the day less about romantic relationships and more about any form of love in your life or if I'm just in the wrong with how I view the day but jdskal idk I've been thinking about it a lot !

#ask #anonymous #anon i love you thank you for taking this invitation for a semi-social interaction #i guess this was less of a 'question i wanted to be asked' and more just me dumping thoughts asjdklf #unless the questions is 'why dont you hate valentines day when you are alone?' which would be a pretty weird question imo !#answer under a cut because i didnt want anyone getting annoyed they had to scroll past a paragraph of my dumb thoughts !#i hope you dear anon are having a lovely february 14th whatever it may mean to you #you deserve all the best because you are clearly a very kind person and i'm grateful you took the time to ask me a question!#sorry about it being a bit late work got very busy for me

3 notes · View notes

potatopossums · 1 year

Text

realizing rn that i have very high standards for friends. i wouldn't consider someone i just started talking to as a friend. i wouldn't even consider someone I've been talking to for several weeks a friend.

I'm very particular about roles.

I am a very social person with a social job. But most of the time, my customers are not people i would consider friends. That has always somehow crossed a line in my comfort level. Even if they are nice and supportive, i do not know them. I did not meet them in an equal setting. I met them while donning my professional persona, and while that persona isn't much different from who i am regularly, i am being paid to talk to customers. I'm being paid to be friendly and helpful, answer questions. am i lying or masking with them? no. but this is my work setting, i am in work mode. i am not in my layman mode. it just doesn't translate to friendship most of the time if the only way i have seen someone or know someone is through work, during which they were a customer of mine. that feels pretty unbalanced and i don't like it.

and that's most of the social interaction I get right now. my job. where i can't really connect with people because I'm being professional.

this is self imposed. i haven't researched the ethics on this either; I'm just doing what feels right to me. so there's a chance i could be holding myself to a standard that is making my life worse. but i don't think so. i think i just want to interact with people in a natural, non-professional environment that feels like it is safe.

i also just. struggle to connect with people, even in those spaces.

i don't tend to enjoy or utilize many social spaces. i don't like bars. i don't like clubs (i mean how can you expect to talk to someone if you can't hear them?). i would love to go to more meetups but i literally do not have the availability right now. I'd love for a good chunk of my life to be meetups. to have one or two special ones that i loved and went to every week. that would be cool. those spaces are nice. but I'd have to really change up my schedule for that to work. everything for those happens in the evenings. and most of the time, I'm working in the evenings because lately i just cannot wake up to save my life.

ugh. friends are hard. i get a couple and then they get too busy to spend time with me, i feel sad and upset but have to accept it anyway because who actually chooses to be so painfully busy that they're stressed out the ass and can't spend time with people or rest? nobody who isn't a billionaire under capitalism has that luxury. so i just change my expectations of that person and just move on. but my issue is that i can get really attached. i enjoy getting attached. when it's healthy and consensual, it can feel really nice. sometimes i need breathing room, but i love having a companion or two that i can just rely on for hanging out in a certain, important way.

i crave emotional closeness and that is not something i tend to share with just regular friends. i need a close friend for that. someone who gets what I'm saying, actually puts energy into understanding what I'm saying bc that's important (and i do the same bc it's important). i give emotional energy, i want emotional energy. i give thoughtfulness, i want thoughtfulness. i want to do important and vulnerable things together. i want us to lean on each other. i want us to have other support, yes, but i still want to be close. i want to sink time and energy into this relationship. i want it to be deep. i want there to be trust. that stuff doesn't come quickly or easily for me. that fact becomes especially frustrating when a companion suddenly becomes unavailable. it really frustrates me, it hurts, and i feel abandoned (thanks trauma). it's not the kind of reaction i want to have, but at best, it would still be hard on me because I'd have to get to know other people. if i happened to be in a period where i didn't have many other available companion-level friendships, then yeah, it might be kinda hard to navigate. I'd be lonely and frustrated a lot. like i am right now. it sucks right now. immensely.

so yeah. here's to me navigating this hell road. it is not fun. i like having emotional support and when my favorite emotional support goes AWOL, then it can really suck for me. and I'm not sure how to still have rich relationships and make it suck less at the same time.

ugh.

#friendship #abandonment trauma #companionship #personal #mental health #queerplatonic #social roles #ethics

4 notes · View notes

hellebore-petall · 1 year

Text

Rules: tag 9 people (or so) you want to know better and/or catch up with, then answer the questions below! — I was tagged by @huginsmemory

Last Song: According to my Spotify, my most recent song was The Monster Underneath Your Bed by Madame Macabre, which I was listening on repeat while I was plotting character stuff for one of the characters in the Flight Rising story I am writing. He is a monster underneath the bed who befriends a neglected princess who is the ‘spare’ and is therefore ignored. He defends her against the queen and her sister, who bully her and it is quite sweet.

Three Ships: Imodna is constantly on my mind, I ship them so hard. Also, I have been thinking a lot about Perc’alia with TLOVM and everything. I am also really into Dimension 20′s A Court of Fey and Flowers right now and Rue and Hob are driving me up the wall (I am on episode 7 or 8 right now, I believe? The episode after the masquerade ball, I am halfway through it).

Currently reading: Kith and Kin by Marieke Nijkamp, the official Critical Role novel of Vex and Vax. I have been reading it for months now, but I don’t burn through books like I used to. I really need to get into the habit of reading more regularly because I miss it and there are so many books I want to read but it takes me month to get through a book unless it is a graphic novel. Which also means my book selection is limited because the loan time of the library is not long enough for me to actually finish a book so I just,,, haven’t gone to a library in forever.

Last movie: I’m pretty sure it was Glass Onion. Or Puss in Boots 2. Puss in Boots 2 I saw all the way through but Glass Onion I rewatched the first 15 minutes at work a couple weeks ago before I got busy with work stuff.

Craving: OKAY I have this idea for an anecdotal comic series of all my TTRPG characters who have died interacting in the afterlife, and I’ve set up a tumblr blog for it and everything (subjectsofthedarkfeathers) But I have been too busy with work and my social life and the Flight Rising story I am writing to start it yet and it is driving me up the wall. I will start it soon, I promise, I have so many fun comics planned, I know how I am going to introduce all the characters that will be a part of it so far, I’m excited to have this as a place to funnel and keep enjoying my TTRPG characters when they die and I can no longer play them. But alas. The time is not yet. (I think I am also nervous as to whether I can pull it off in my art style because I’m not great at drawing people, but also I know this is mainly for me + anyone else who would find it interesting, and ultimately who cares if the art sucks or not and also I think it would be a great way to get better so I am trying to get my brain to shut up and just do it).

Tag time! I tag @jimbothy-magma @yarn-dragon @loudobjectprincess @tieflingsbian @oftheladyonfire @winter-changeling @amywontkillyou @simple-sheep @wall-e-gorl and anyone else who wants to do it (no pressure if you don’t want to do it)

#tag game #tag games #petall ponderings

2 notes · View notes

trash-iest · 1 year

Note

1,4,12,15,23,35,38,40,4650,55,60,75,78,83,86. You don't have to answer these. It's alot I know and I'm sorry. Just.. curious 😅

1. What do you crave in a psychological sense? Intimacy, passion, purpose, belonging, social interaction, etc.?

Passion & purpose (im sorry it's impossible to choose one)

4. Who's the most important person in your life right now? Why?

Myself because i need to consistently work towards my 5 year goal. Its the bare minimum but feels a lot so im hoping ill adjust and become a better version of myself if not the best.

12. What's your most controversial opinion? Would you state it publicly? What's the most controversial opinion that you would publicly support, if it's different?

The moon is made of cheese and pluto is a planet. Oh i would shamelessly state that publicly and stick out my tongue if the other person tries to educate me on the matter (im sorry if you were looking for serious answers, we dont do that over texting)

15. Is there a song, book, movie, or other piece of media that has drastically altered your life? What was it, are there multiple?

This is stupid (but youre allowed to laugh at how basic i am) Book: 13 reasons why. So just a bit of context: Up until grade 7 i was an extremely insensitive kid like id mindlessly laugh at people in school, made fun of their insecurities and was completely clueless about feelings/emotions. It was just considered banter since i was the class clown but the way id gang up with my group and tease other kids was wrong, yet no one corrected this behaviour (tbf i didnt grow up with cousins and they rarely ever visited so there was no sense of realisation) Now end of grade 7 i came across this book and I casually started reading it like any other book and lets just say i didnt expect the traumatising details. It was nothing like the stuff i used to read and it ended up giving me the biggest reality check. I started analysing my behaviour and realised how i might be an actual bully and i couldnt fathom the thought of someone resorting to self harm or suicide because of my silly jokes so i stopped and apologised to those few people. Lets just say this book was the first step towards developing eq and becoming a better person.

23. What would you never admit to in real life?

A LOT of things. I cant really think of anything atm but i mostly just stay quiet when people say questionable shit because i dont have the energy to explain my pov and idc about their opinion lol.

35. What's wrong with you? Physically, mentally, whatever comes to mind. What's right about you? What are your best and worst traits?

Physically— i have a HUGE nose, kinda short, dont have grey/hazel eyes, i wear specs (doesnt look cute), my nails chip every time i grow them out and theyre not a natural pretty shape. Also, i dont feel pretty like an actual girl; im not elegant or any of that and neither am i a hot tomboy. Im just eh. (Edit: i just remembered the dark circles and i look dead without lipstick/lip taint lol)

Mentally— anxious sometimes but thankfully no more anxiety attacks. I feel like my major trust and commitment issues come under personality disorders but ill just list them here. My therapist said im stubborn and very rigid (and I believe him over anyone else) and quite frankly i feel incapable of forming a real human connection. To sum up my worst traits: Im mostly horrible at reciprocation, im always emotionally unavailable, im selfish, hella lazy, careless, stupid. Im definitely forgetting something so whenever I remember it ill add it here lol. My best traits: im very understanding when it comes to the other person needing their space. Im a good listener because i rarely have good advice or solutions lol. Im calm and rarely ever lose my temper which doesnt really last long. I believe in communication instead of letting misunderstandings grow until they explode (im guessing thats good because it has strengthened my friendships)

38. Who do you miss, if anyone?

My 15 year old self. She was so happy, loved the way she looked and was so mentally stable (i might be considered a narcissist at this point)

40. Would you sacrifice your life for a stranger? An acquaintance? A loved one?

I WILL SACRIFICE MY OWN LIFE FOR PAKISTAN (its hard for me to be consistently serious, bear with it pls)

46. Do you have a "right person, wrong time"?

Yeah feels like it

50. What qualities do you find charming?

Whatever prince charming brings to the table (its so hard to be serious about this im sorry it reminds me of middle school)

55. What reminds you of your childhood?

Certain songs, snacks and a few places.

60. What are you afraid of? What are your worst fears? Are you afraid of any of the following - the dark, fire, heights, being alone, people, spiders, snakes, blood, drowning, or death?

Betrayal/abandonment from someone i truly love, getting attached to the wrong person, staying unemployed after graduation, childbirth and raising my own kids, emotionally depending on someone and lizards 💀 Of the following: people, only the big spiders like tarantulas etc, snakes, drowning only because i dont know how to swim and its a very painful death from what ive heard so no thank you.

75. What is your favourite fairytale?

Definitely hansel and gretel because of that edible cottage (still such a dream) but I recently read the story of the youth who went forth to learn what fear was (grimm's fairytales) and its my favourite one as an adult now.

78. Have you ever written a poem or song about someone? Or had someone write one about you? Do you hope to have either of those experiences in the future?

Nope i havent. My best friend has written poetry for me, about 3 times. It was super cute but it constantly made me feel indebted because ive never made a grand gesture like that and what she wrote was proper poetry and she appreciates me so much. Ive only ever written her letters with my ugly handwriting yet she treasures them. Hypothetically if i do find someone in the future like that idk how id react but ill definitely be thinking about ways to reciprocate.

83. What's your type? Otherwise, do you think you attract a certain sort of person?

An aromantic asexual or at least someone whose love language isnt physical touch and theyre naturally not a cheezy person but i feel like im asking for a lot here since most people associate romance with their partners and what i say is considered abnormal or bs so lets not go there. Ill need to be attractive to attract a certain type of people or anyone for that matter lol.

86. What could you talk about for hours?

Honestly my chattiness depends on my mood or the type of day im having instead of a particular topic.

#idk what made you curious if not sheer boredom but i hope this suffices 😂#i really hope i didnt miss any questions #honestly surprised how wrong my estimation was lol #anon

2 notes · View notes