#I cannot live without them

[vwenties]

THEYRE BOYFRIENGIRLFRIEND..........

#flatline #damian wayne #robin (2021) #dc robin #I LOOOOVE THEM #I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT THEM #MY LITTLE GUYS....... THEY RE SOOOO #2hampters

[kimmurielscryingmirror]

Rai'gy: Do you know what's the most heretic thing I ever did? Kimmuriel: Rai'gy: You. Kimmuriel: Kimmuriel: *kicks him out of the bed*

#I cannot live without them #my two beloved bastards #kimmuriel oblodra #kimmuriel #raigy bondalek #rai'guy bondalek #rai guy bondalek #raigyxkimmuriel #bregan daerthe #kimmurielsscryingmirror #scryingrambles #drow #legend of drizzt

[mechaseraph]

Decided to get into drawing mood again, so went with color palette requests, as limited palettes is ain't something I usually do So of course I would draw Kira first

#duel masters #duema #kira hikaru #mecha's shitty doodles #ik there's point to words “limited color palette” but listen...the additional palettize effect+noise plus rgb split my beloved <3 #I cannot live without them

[uncanny-tranny]

The whole "breasts shouldn't be politicized because the primary purpose of breasts is to feed babies!" can be a fine jumping-off point, but I really wish people thought deeper than that when we talk about the ways in which bodies are politicized and restricted.

Like, why's it that when we talk about breasts, they must have some Higher Purpose? It's true that breasts aren't inherently sexual, but they aren't valuable solely because they can potentially feed a baby. A human body doesn't have to serve a Higher Purpose in order for it to not be legislated against or policed, and I just wish people would remember it isn't always about babies, about other people, about anything else other than the people who have that body.

#feminism #dysphoria tw #your body doesn't need to have an Intrinsic Worthwhile Purpose so that you can live without fear #and it is fine if people say this to criticize the way breasts are overly sexualized and fetishized or what have you... #...but i encourage people to not see this as an end-all-be-all argument #because this opens discussions about how we politicize bodies and how we interpret them #i see overlap between this and the way trans bodies are politicized and policed honestly #and i guess personally i'm just so tired of the idea that to be safe your body Must Have A Good Reason To Be #and i fear this may reinforce the idea that we Must Serve Purposes and Be Useful and Used #ask to tag (genuine) #and what would this say for childless people? or people who cannot bear children? if they have breasts are they 'useless bodies' #because i have seen the ways some people's bodies are treated when they do not 'work PROPERLY' and that scares me #it scares me to potentially start treating people with different bodies as Defective and Unworthy and Unproductive #and i don't always trust when people latch onto purpose-driven arguments for human bodies that it stops at that y'know #have seen some discussion amd whatnot so 👍 #is it now time to clock put and be a silly goose yet?

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

warlock wizard Wally scribbles... Thinkings! oh and a bonus bard-ish Barnabys in the corner for flavor

outfit ramblings:

first of all that is a Terrible rendition of what Home looks like in my head. i just needed to fill empty space </3

the staff was the toughest part honestly. bc it Had to be paintbrush-themed, but then halfway through scribbling i was like "oh shit. there are only so many ways to draw a paintbrush-wizard-staff and Weevmo already hit it out of the park." so if you're seeing similarities! you're right! i tried to make it as different as i could! there is Inspiration from their marvelous design, however accidental or subconscious! Apologies!

he gets a pointed hood instead of a hat because a) it looks great on him! and b) it has less of a chance of messing up his hair! also c) it helps muddle the difference between Wizard and Warlock. typically hoods have evil/duplicitous connotation - blur the lines! i want his long gloves and forearm wraps to have the same vibe. his neckerchief is a big help in hiding Home's seal!

his layered (loosely apple-themed) capelet (which the hood is attached to) has a nice high collar & hides the details of his loose shirt - eye embroidery! and some flowers on the shoulders but yk, mostly eyes. on one side of the shirt buttons has open eyes, the other side they're closed! there's also one big eye on his back!

his belt buckle is two halves of an apple! he wears tall thigh-high boots w/ low heels to feel Taller! he has a book-holster hooked to the back of his belt, which holds his grimoire! and he has a lil thigh-bag that has been magicked to be Bottomless and warps size! he can fit pretty much anything in there! canvases! paint! apples!

his half-skirt thing (idk what the word for it is!) is really plush, like a quilt - his capelet is the same fabric. soft, cozy. sometimes he'll use the skirt thing as a blanket in a pinch, or as a picnic placemat!

is his outfit a little Complicated? is it annoying to replicate? yes and yes. but im a maximalist at heart and Nothing But The Best for the blorbo <3 layers my beloved <3

#i know ive said it before but whenever i make an au its essentially an Exploration in a sense #and this fantasy au ~Bog Edition~ is basically me going #'so wally and his house huh. whats up with that' #and maybe im taking it a bit to the extremes #since home is pretty much warlock wally's god??? sorta? loosely?? #well it literally gave wally life and a body. so. #and it also literally took the place of his heart - wally Cannot live without home #they have a fun 'we cant exist without each other now' codependent very devoted kinda unhealthy relationship #wally sometimes has to do terrible things for home #and home will do terrible things in return for wally. even when wally doesnt want them to #and they both love each other very much <3 what kind of love is it <3 fuck if i know! theyre Weird About It though #its the only dynamic an ancient lovecraftian horror & the puppet they gave life & tethered itself to can have!!! #wally wisely keeps home & his 'warlock' status a secret from his friends for as long as he can #they just dont understand his & home's bond smh #scribble salad #welcome home #wh fantasy au #gonna have to workshop barns.... #i need to balance the fantasy + hes a distinguished fella + bard #hence the hat. the hat stays. #gotta find the right vest... #and then everyone else if i feel like it.... #outfit design is so Grueling but i refuse to keep it simple #there have to be LAYERS it has to be IN CHARACTER i have to put ALL THE EFFORT INTO IT

[pocketsizedquasar]

TPOC-Prioritized writings on anti-transmasculinity / transandrophobia

transandrophobia / anti-transmasculinity are both theories that have been spearheaded primarily by trans poc, particularly Black transmascs and transfemmes.

unfortunately, as with Everything created by queer and trans poc, particularly Black queer ppl, white trans ppl (regardless of gender, and regardless of whether they "believe" in this form of oppression or not) have coopted these theories and dominated these conversations, such that both "sides" of the "discourse" are divorced entirely from the racial connotations in which these theories were created, and the ways in which they were created specifically as an intervention against white feminism, and to highlight the ways multiple marginalizations affect the marginalization of masculinity. these are theories that explicitly interact with and can only be understood in conjunction with transmisogyny, as well as other oppressions like racism and misogynoir.

*"anti-transmasculinity" as a term and theory was coined by Black trans folks (some of whom's writings are linked below), and is specifically a theory within the context of Black transfeminism antiBlackness, and transmisogynoir, and cannot be divorced from that context. i try be very intentional about my use of the terms 'anti-transmasculinity' and 'transandrophobia' in different places here, because i do not want to dilute the former’s very particular context.

anyway, here's a list of miscellaneous writings on the subjects, with a priority for collecting writing from trans poc (not all of the authors are tpoc, but this list was intended to prioritize tpoc voices). the intention of this is not to be a be-all end-all on the subject, nor exalt any one of these individuals or pieces as exclusively ~correct~ or whatever, but to combat the whitewashed nature of these discussions online, and raise awareness to the myriad of people speaking on this subject. (nor do i claim to speak for any of them, or claim that any of them speak for me. i tried to make sure i didn't platform blatant racists, zionists, transmisogynists, or other bigots, but i'm not pretending to be 100% accurate about that.)

they aren't in any particular order (except the first one, which i think is an extremely foundational text for anti-transmasculinity theory as delineated by its creators, within the context of antiblackness and transmisogyny, and necessary reading to understand anti-transmasculinity as a theory). I tried to group all the links from the same authors together.

This is a non-exhaustive list! I will likely come back and add more writings as I find them. please feel free to recommend to me any works to include (including your own! especially if you yourself are a Black trans person or a trans POC).

Now with an Archived Read-more Link!

Racial-Class Paternalism and the Trojan Horse of Anti-transmasculinity by Nsámbu Za Suékama. if you read nothing else from this list, read this.

“But even as TME struggles escape the mainstream imagination, they persist, and are often both fueling and being fueled by the war on trans women and transfeminine people. Nothing makes this clearer than in how a Western binary system triangulates that war with Anti-transmasculinity. This is why I say that Anti-transmasculinity is a Trojan horse for Transmisogyny. Like the wooden horse in the Greek myth, it might not seem like what it is, for its actual contents and character are invisible, but at the heart of it, there is a violent campaign going on that is key to how the West aims to lay seige to its civilizational "enemies." And, like the walls of the city of Troy, materialist transfeminism has fortified the opposition to Western domination, in such a way that to overcome the stronghold requires a new strategy for the Man, one that follows up the open and vicious attacks on TMA people with a different, more hidden form of warfare.”

“today’s gender paternalism frames any manhood and masculine embodiment outside of (western) cisheteronormativity as not just biologically illegitimate but also the result of a barbaric threat to civilization. And who typically figures as the face of that barbarism but the Black trans woman? Materialist transfeminism has to theorize Anti-transmasculinity.”

"Non-Men", maGes, and Black Masculinities by genderfugitive / disrupthehuman

One such argument, which is really a collection of arguments but can be consolidated into one, is that trans men are attempting to take a place alongside cis men in the hierarchy of patriarchy. In other words, while they may not have been so before naming themselves as trans men, they are aspiring to be oppressors. This employs a number of rhetorical devices that I have identified before including the idea that trans men are “betraying” cis womanhood and therefore should be seen as threats unless they act as footsoldiers for transmisogyny. The problem with this is that it treats trans manhoods as embodiments that exist as something which merely aspires to be cis manhood.

"For Those Seeking Fight or Flight: Black Trans*feminist Nihilism" / primer on transmisogynoir by genderfugitive / disrupthehuman (not about anti-transmaculinity specifically (though it does come up), but a very good + important read on Black transfeminism & transmisogynoir, so I'm including it)

anti-transmasculinity needs its own theorizing outside of general "transphobia" by genderfugitive / disrupthehuman

anti-transmasculinity & antiblackness inherently linked (& another) both by genderfugitive / disrupthehuman

There is a hidden epidemic of violence against transmasculine people by Orion Rodriguez

a thread master post linking to multiple threads about anti transmasculinity by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

a thread on anti-transmasculinity as an epistemic injustice (translated) originally by magicspeedwagon in French; English translation by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

Not transmasc invisibility, but erasure by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

Girlboy Boygirl Blues - antitransmasculinity as a denial of individual history & more by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

"irl we just kiss" - ‘transmasc vs transfem’ discourse & reactionary ‘boys vs girls’ politics in trans spaces by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

transmascs & being treated as predatory by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

transmasc mental health statistics by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

violent anti-transmasculine hate crimes by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

thread on examples of systemic anti-transmasculinity by magicspeedwagon

a thread on anti-transmasculinity and its erasure by storyjunkie

anti transmasculinity & transmisogyny and the degendering of Black people by afrodykee

anti transmasculinity & transmisogyny cannot be theorized in opposition to each other by afrodykee

white transfeminism's anti-transmasculinity by afrodykee

Black trans people & erasure of TPOC voices from the trans community by thatspookyagent

transmasculine nonwhite expereince by thatspookyagent

trans men being silenced by thatspookyagent

queer POC being pushed out of conversations by thatspookyagent

cis women's harm to trans men by novascotioducktoller w/ addition about TMOC by thatspookyagent

medical violence in anti transmasculinity by Caleb / sethpuertoluna

example of medical anti transmasculinity by Dominick / transguyenergy

response to inclusion of a trans man in an ad (thread) by Dominick / transguyenergy

anti-transmasculinity around periods by Dominick / transguyenergy

anti-transmasculinity towards pregnant trans men by Dominick / transguyenergy

transitioning as a transmasc of color by gendercriminals

white (cis) women & racist transandrophobia by dead-lavender-society

transandrophobia as an indigenous trans man by petrichorvoices

examples of transandrophobia by transvermin

the “lost lesbian” narrative & antitransmasculinity by vaguefiend

cis women & transandrophobia by vaguefiend

intersectionality & transandrophobia by visible-schizo-spectrum

more transandrophobia from cis women by cock-holliday

tl;dr : there’s LOTS of theory and discussions out there abt anti-transmasculinity, transandrophobia, how these things relate to other forms of transphobia, how it interacts with other marginalizations, most especially race, and the ways in which it affects transmascs. this information is everywhere. it’s out there. y’all (white ppl) are just refusing to engage with it.

#trans #lgbtq #queer #transphobia #transandrophobia #anti transmasculinity #transmisogyny #racism #long post #quasartalks #been compliling this for ages but i think it's finally at a point where i feel comfortable posting it #like i said though it is very much subject to change! i would love to add more things to this #it is extremely shitty that discussions on antitransmasculinity and transandrophobia have been dominated on here by racist yt ppl and their #token trans poc that they so clearly are just using as a shield against when ppl call them out on aforementioned racism. #anyway. dont bother clowning on this post i will just block <3 #so much of this 'discourse' boils down to: transmascs and trans men (esp transmascs of color) saying: 'hey i experience this thing' #and other ppl (esp white ppl!) going 'no you don't.' it's so blatant lmao #it's just the complete denial of our Authority to talk about our own experiences. we are not trusted to be authorities on our own lives. #which. where have i heard that before. smells like racism. smells like misogyny. #also bc ppl can't read: none of this means transmascs have it worse than transfemmes; that transfemmes oppress transmascs; or that these #-experiences ONLY happen to transmascs. those are all extremely bad faith readings of these discussions. #AND ALSO to the (especially white) transmascs who also can't read and take these discussions as excuses to be racist & transmisogynist: #we cannot combat transandrophobia & anti transmasculinity without combating transmisogyny. they are linked. #anyway. good night

[transformers-synergize]

soundwave with his 2 lil minbots cassettes and 3 minicons cassettes

A high-ranking decepticon only outranked by Megatron himself, Soundwave is smart, logical, efficient , loyal, and one of the most dangerous decepticons out there, co-leading the decepticons stranded on earth with Starscream. though often he and Startscream are working against each other rather than with each other. Starscream wants to run things differently, while Soundwave wants to continue fallowing Megatron's old orders until they can get back in contact with Cybertron and get new orders from Megatron.

Though Soundwave's dry, monotone way of speaking and efficient way of carrying out tasks might make you think he is not the creative type, he is actually quite the artist, most often expressing himself through music ragging between several different cybertronian music genres.

just the lil guys

#soundwave #rumble #frenzy #ravage #ratbat #lazerbeak #transformers fan continuity #transformers #art post #redesign #transformers synergize #tfs #they have cassetes have character bulet points but i didn't feel like turning it into decpecription #maybe later #mini cons and mini bots are 2 diffrent things mincons are more like vary smart animals while mini bots are just vary short dudes #Cassettes carriers like all cybertronians cannot create sparks but are able to take other bots as sorta symbiotes #Cassettes carriers have the ability to stabilize unstable spark #so often but not always cassette are bot with unstable sparks that would not live long on their own #Cassette carriers also have the ability to heal and even edit sparks slightly but don't worry about that :) #Mini bot twins are the most common type of mini bot cassette #If a spark slits into twins and there's no enough spark material the two new sparks will be unstable #Without a cassette carrier bots like these only live a few months at most #rumble is like 5.10ft 177cm #frenzy is like 6.4ft or 194 #they art just human sized #rumble and frenzy are not the biggest threat to other bots but they are scary as shit to humans #they can fit were most humans fit #you cannot hide from them #maccadam

[krashlite]

I feel so insane over c!desertduo rn cause y’all will never understand them like I do

Scar was scapegoating this mf the entire time but Grian thought he was in charge, that he was saving this man over and over but it’s situations Scar put himself in on purpose. They hate that they have to be in each others company CONSTANTLY but they hate the silence more.

There’s so many interpretations where Grian’s in denial abt needing Scar but it’s true in reverse. Scar keeps having to convince himself that Grian’s expendable when he knows That’s Not True.

They wouldn’t hold hands or have a picnic (or other romantic gestures) but they find excuses to prove the other person needs them, they find reasons to make the other stay because they’re projecting.

“He’s expendable” “This is temporary” they both project this on the other. It’s a very toxic codependency that reinforces itself over and over because of the nature of the games, and I think it’s something they both realize in LL, but in different directions.

Scar misses it for all the wrong reasons and Grian is determined to never let it happen again.

Grian has shaky alliances all season long due to self sabotage, and Scar consistently tries to get someone else, Anyone Else into the same situation Grian was in. Not out of some power trip but to fill the void that left behind

#they’re queerplatonic in the most toxic way imaginable and I hate them #this is literally copy pasted from my twt but this is going over here #I’m normal I prommy #trafficblr #desertduo #not necessarily shipping?? but it can definitely be read that way #3rd life #grian #goodtimeswithscar #they are friends they are family they are lovers and bitter ex’s #they are at the other’s beck and call but ultimately seek to destroy themselves and each other #it is a connection that binds them across their lives and it follows them for as long as they refuse to let it go #they will only find joy without each other and they must reconcile that they cannot have a bond without trapping the other

[ihearnocomplaints]

I point you all to my ko-fi page once more -> link

my parents, enraged that I didn’t sort a massive mound of clothes yesterday (after doing the other chores they asked), essentially decided they are going to start charging me rent.

So this is just in preparation for that moment when they do start asking. I’m still trying to save up to move out. It’s not a huge deal yet (idk how much they’re going to charge) so there’s no pressure to donate.

I work a full time job so I can’t really give much in return. But I can take doodle requests upon proof of donation! I’ll doodle any DCA you want.

Thanks.

#Idk what to tag this #i’m just so tired. #i’m just tired of my parents putting so much pressure on me #like 1) I did the chores they asked of me #2) The only one i didn’t do was because it was literally an overwhelming amount of clothes. The entire fucking laundry room is filled to the #brim with clothes. Literally you cannot walk in there without strpping on some #that’s 6 people’s clothes. Not even most of mine because I actually do my own laundry. other than the ones that get mixed in with the others #and they wanted me sort them. by myself. #I’m autistic and a massiver germaphobe and they wanted me to sort their grimey fucking clothes. #And when I don’t do it? call me useless and lazy #and then i fel insane because maybe i am just lazy and i should do more because they let me live here for free #sometimes i feel in the wrong. maybe i am in the wrong. maybe i should just suck it up and deal with it instead of complaining #I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m so scared #I don’t have anything to fall back on. I don’t have my own car. I have nothing.

[somecunttookmyurl]

all the while society conflates "being an adult" with "having a proper job" and "having money to make arbitrary Adult Purchases" disabled people who can't work - or can only work part time or can only do entry level baby jobs - will never be 'allowed' to be adults

you can say "being an adult is looking after yourself you don't have to have a job!!!" all you want but most people who say that will still assume anybody who doesn't either can't or won't 'look after themselves' actually. and every 'marker' of 'adulthood' that's observable and thus actually counts or whatever loops back around to... having a job and 'contributing' something

#yeah i have netflix on all day #i am quite literally signed off of work for the -rest of my life- #what the fuck else would you like me to do with my time when most people are in fact at work #or did you think i can't have the tv on and put laundry away at the same time or something #must i work on commissions on silence in a dour room to be perceived as an adult #anyway 'looking after yourself/your home/your pet' is not observable #to anybody who doesn't like ACTUALLY live in your house #unless you are extremely obviously NOT doing it #if a tree falls in a forest etc #owning a house? job. like not even 'in this economy? lol' #disabled people LITERALLY can't because we aren't allowed to have enough savings for a deposit #car? would you honestly trust me with a vehicle lol but also: job #you mostly cannot buy a car without one it's a requirement for the lease #otherwise you aren't 'trusted' to pay it on time #incidentally most landlords will also - perfectly legally - refuse to rent to you because you are going to be unreliable with the rent #which is being paid directly by the gov anyway like take your trust issues up with them bro #a family? if i get married or cohabit with a partner my income gets sliced in half #so to support even myself let alone a child would require. drumroll please. employment #savings? adults have savings right? yeah but unlike you i have a gov enforced cap on mine #'good furniture not shit from ikea' (someone has remarked that ikea furniture is 'college dorm-y' it's going here) #i mean do i have to say it

[anneapocalypse]

Putting Solas's "I will never forget you" in a jar with Emet-Selch's "Remember us. Remember that we lived," and shaking vigorously.

#it's the converse sorrows #of knowing that if you win you have to live without them #vs knowing that you've lost and the world you mourn for is never coming back #i need to contemplate The Sorrows #the grief for lost worlds #for a past and a future that cannot coexist #you understand? #either way there is grief #dragon age stuff #ffxiv stuff #shadowbringers spoilers #at this point i need a tag just for talking about these two fandoms together #i'll think of something

[beach-d3ath]

these two created qpr and I HATE TJEM! growls and rolls aroinf

#malevolent #malevolent podcast #malevolent pod #me when the voice in my head has my sight and we cannot live without eachother #john doe #arthur lester #sobs and cries #throws up #nobody fw them like i do

[4ce-of-2pades]

(Leo speaking to Hephaestus:)

Leo: I used to think I was creative. I used to think I was smart. I used to take pride in the things I invented. But it’s just you, isn’t it? Everything I’m good at, everything I like about myself, it’s just your powers I inherited. If I wasn’t your son, I wouldn’t be able to do any of this. I wouldn’t be good at anything.

Leo: I thought that I had earned this. That I had learned when my mom taught me about machines, that I had built my abilities myself. But it’s all just shortcuts and fakery. It’s just god magic. It’s not real. It’s not mine.

#like it’s one thing if your power is water attack or turn into bees or something inhuman #but I imagine a lot of demigods have crises like this one #with powers that enhance qualities they already had so they’ll never know who they would have been without a god making them ‘better’ #like if Annabeth’s power is her intellegence? she can’t even take credit for her own mind (by this logic) #for a non-charmspeaking Aphrodite kid with a less unnatural level of making people like them? #when you can’t tell what is and isn’t magical affects then how do you know anyone would ever like you for your normal non-goddy self? #what about Hypnos kids who wish they didn’t constantly feel tired and could manage to Do more with their lives? #like imagine your special magic godly enhancement is Cannot Stay Awake and it’s a struggle to complete even simple tasks. thanks I guess. #there’s probably examples I’m not thinking of #but powers that enhance rather than add??? it’s like there’s parts of your identity that don’t belong to you #at least that’s how I would feel about it probably #percy jackson #heroes of olympus #leo valdez #hoo leo #pjo hephaestus

[uncanny-tranny]

I always think it's funny that a terrible life is one where "you're alone with no lover and you will only have the company of cats to keep you scarcely tethered to the real world.

Like... don't threaten me with a good time. That is a dream to me

#aro #aromantic #lgbt #lgbtq #and like... if your only tether to feeling full and whole and content is a magical whirlwind relationship... #...i don't necessarily think that's always better. i personally had to investigate that impulse for myself... #...and i found that i wasn't satisfied with myself and i wanted a distraction from knowing i am alive and real... #...plus being aro did help because i had to come to terms with the fact that i cannot 'function' in a typical way... #...i feel afinity toward single mid-30s/mid-40s crazy cat ladies... #...i always saw them shamed because they never 'found a man to put her in her place and make her whole' and it's just... #...she's living the ideal life to my eyes. even if she's lonely she doesn't *need* to be made whole... #...loneliness is not a sign of being lesser. it's a part of the human condition and it's natural... #...but that doesn't mean it fundamentally changes the core of who you are #my cat is my best friend. i don't need to replace her actually. my life is fine without having any relationship or whatever else

[who-is-page]

Life is hard! Consider buying my stuff!

My life isn't quite falling apart, but things have gotten really tricky lately. One housemate (and their super destructive, permanent houseguest) is refusing to pay their share of rent or utilities for the next three months, and another is refusing to pay their full share of rent for that same amount of time and is making us cover around $75 every month, and I'm having to double-up my hours at work while still being a full-time student (and also one of my professors, who we're 99% sure is using ChatGPT to generate her citations because none of them exist and we pointed this out, hates my guts and has been grading me really harshly and forcing me to go full-sail on every assignment to ridiculous degrees in order to pass this required class).

My spouse is working on getting full-time at their job, but it looks like they won't be able to until December, and we also have no idea how much rent is going to increase this year-- my guess is it's going to go up another $500, same as last year, to a total of $3,000, so things are gonna get really fucking bumpy until around January, probably.

So basically, if you like the work I've done, consider throwing me a tip on Ko-Fi or buying my stuff on Itch.io:

(Also I promise we have more stuff lined up that we want to polish and publish, life has just been super-duper fucking busy! There is so much more going on right now than what I've mentioned here, especially in terms of surprise medical bills and other horrible surprises. And we haven't forgotten about Inky Paws issue 2, either, which we're still hoping to have done by December and which will STILL always be entirely 100% free to download, no matter what our living or money situation looks like. That will never ever change, so please don't worry!)

#personal #yells #one of the surprise medical bills was MY TOOTH FUCKIN BROKE #I need to get a whole ass crown!!! wtf I'm anti-monarchy this should be illegal to happen to me #there are other surprise medical bills too but that's the one I'm most like are you FUCKIN srs rn #I love dentists and I think they're the coolest so it's like not scary or anything it's just. it's SO EXPENSIVE. #All the other bills should be at around $600 or below but this definitely won't even with insurance and I'm like whyyyyyyy #I should have gotten the crown like a week or two ago but I literally just cannot afford it rn so I'm trying to just be careful #with the patch the dentist put on it a month or so ago.... #sorry I'm just using the tags to SCREAM at this point like oh my god guys #you would not believe some of the bullshit that is going on rn #My housemate's permanent guest? it's their partner with assault charges #Who kidnapped a cat #Burned their last place of residency down #Bite and shanked their mother at 5am while she was asleep in her bedroom #And got my housemate arrested on false charges last year for funsies #And jumped off my roof #And brings stray animals in the house #And makes the hugest messes in the kitchen and living room without cleaning them up #(And I think she's a local drug dealer but that's more just a DO IT IN YOUR OWN FUCKING HOUSE AND NOT MINE thing) #So the whooooole polycule is on high alert that this person is gonna go off the rails and hurt people/pets at any time #I'm so unbelievably stressed out and worried about my cat especially #And like. I have PTSD dudes! This is so unimaginably fucking awful for my mental health! #If it weren't for my support system I would be in PIECES right now. I am so lucky to have partners and friends who care. #Also if some of that list sounds Weirdly Familiar to you it's because I wrote a fictional AITA post for NaNoWriMo '21 based on some of it #Yeah THAT is how long this stuff has been going on and what I've listed here is only Tip Of The Iceberg #Those two people will be gone by the end of November but oh my god I'm so stressed about retaliation and shit #The housemate in question tried to deflect by being like-- oh well she was just off her antipsychotics! #Like dude I don't know how to break this to you but. 1) that's a reason but not a justification for her behavior #2) She's an awful and horrible person both on and off her meds so obviously it is not the sole fault of her psychosis

[lloydfrontera]

if i think too long about the ending making lloyd leave the home he worked so hard to save behind along with the new found family he sacrificed his life for so he can move to a place he has no emotional connection to where he only knows two people (one of which is actually following him from the aforementioned home) in order to make him get a standard "have a wife and children" 'happy' ending i start wanting to bite people not gonna lie

#i talk a lot <3 #the greatest estate developer #lloyd frontera #it is. such a sucky ending i hate it i'm sorry i cannot stand it #i love charlotte with all my heart and i truly do like alicia #but jesus fuck that ending #the one thing lloyd wants is to have an easy relaxed life surrounded by the people he loves #and then the ending has him become the royal consort to someone we know likes to use people to their best potential #and living permanently away from his parents and all the people he came to care about #except for javier and alicia. and javier is only there because of lloyd anyway. #i just. i hate heteronormative endings so much man. #he didn't need to marry! he could've found his happy ending without having to be romantically involved with anyone!! #there's this whole thing about lloyd thinking to himself that his happy ending will be settling down with a wife and have kids #and then there is this one moment. where he talks about what he really wants. his one true wish. #and he talks about how he just wants a family. a normal family. a family that welcomes him after a day's work. a family that lives a normal #life without worrying about nothing much. he doesn't want big territories or power or an army. he just wants to have a family that loves hi #and enough to keep them safe. #AND FUCKING GUESS WHAT HE GAINS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE NOVEL #GUESS WHAT THE EMOTIONAL CORE OF THE ENTIRE THING WAS #A FAMILY. PARENTS AND A BROTHER AND A BEST FRIEND THAT CARE FOR HIM AND WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY AND HIM DOING EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO KEEP #THEM SAFE. AND HE DOES. EVERYTHING HE DOES WAS TOO KEEP THEM SAFE AND SOUND AND HE GETS HIS WISH. #DO YOU GET IT. DO YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!! #HE DIDN'T NEED TO MARRY BECAUSE HE ALREADY HAD HIS WISH. HE ALREADY HAD HIS HAPPY ENDING. I'M SO MAD KASHDKA #tged