#I mean I feel any discussion of this episode inevitably will be

[ramblingaboutglee]

Getting pissed off by Glee IKAG years on

 Am I late to the party? I feel like I am. Oh well I’m here, I’m gonna vent, sit down and pour yourself a drink and let’s get to it. I guess I’m doing this. 

Basically, this is me trying to take this episode, look at the justifications, and comprehensively complain provide a thorough, reasoned critique so that I never have to think about it again. 

Trigger warnings for discussion of homophobia, outing, and brief mentions of attempted suicide

Season 3 is my favourite season of Glee, just to set the context. I’d say that’s a controversial opinion, but from what I can gather Glee fandom doesn’t actually agree on anything, so hey. Every character gets something to do beyond sit in the background, there’s a lot of good arcs, good ship content, fantastic songs, better jokes, stronger pathos, better ongoing storylines... 

And then Santana gets outed. The one saving grace is that it just lasts for an episode, so you can grit your teeth and not need to deal with a long-term mess. But yeah, here we are. 

The Beginning

So let’s set the stage. Santana is, admittedly, harsh to Finn for an episode, and he retaliates by outing her. I’ve seen some commentary trying to downplay this and... eh, no. “Everyone already knew,” clearly isn’t the case when there were actual, direct consequences to Finn yelling that in the hallway. So, that happens. 

I... don’t hate the idea of that storyline, but there’s context, and that context is that it’s 2022. I watched Glee this year, not when it was first on. I’m existing in a time where if I want to watch a show with queer characters, I have options. So tackling a more serious, dramatic topic is not outside of Glee’s wheelhouse, and nowadays that being dealt with as a plot, and not put out of reach, feels reasonable. 

But at the time? I cannot comment on that, just by my perspective, but having one of the biggest, and only, lesbian characters on a mainstream show outed feels like it carries significantly more weight that I simply cannot grasp. It goes from being ‘one story of many’ to ‘the story.’ 

So, we’re on dicey ground to begin with, though ground that will inevitably lack the same impact to me. 

The Problem of Finn Hudson

So, Finn outs Santana. A lot of what I’ve seen indicates this made the character irredeemable in a lot of people’s eyes. I want to try and slowly untangle this. 

So, in a vacuum... okay, he messes up here, but so does every character in Glee. This is the same season where Quinn tried to steal a baby. If it was just this, maybe in a better-handled episode, would people react the same way to Finn, or would he be forgiven in the same way Santana seems mostly to be forgiven for threatening to out Karofsky in season 2? Brushed off as ‘They matured’ or ‘Glee continuity is a mess and I do not acknowledge the bits that interfere with my enjoyment of the characters.’ 

Maybe, maybe not, that’s going to be personal. For me, like I said I inevitably lack the level of reaction to the plot that original viewers would have had. So, sure, for the purposes of this essay, let’s say I could forgive Finn if it was just this. 

It’s not just this. And that’s where one problem really begins to rear its head. 

In season 1, Finn hurls a slur at Kurt. And sure, Kurt wasn’t exactly coming off great before this, but it sets the tone. When Finn’s angry, he’ll cross lines there’s no need to cross - he could have yelled any number of insults, called Kurt a creep, but no, he went for a homophobic slur. But okay, jock teenager in a small town, it’s a mistake that can be made without active malevolence. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. A week later and he could have learned.

First of all, context. In season 1, Burt chews out Finn for this. In season 2,  Burt walks it back and brings up Kurt’s dubious behaviour, as though that somehow implies ‘Yeah, he got mad, used a slur, it happens.’ And in season 5, rather than not bring it up at all, it’s mentioned again as ‘oh, no, Finn was completely in the right to act like that.’ We’ll get back to this in a second. 

In season 3, Finn outs Santana - he gets angry, and uses her sexuality as a weapon against her. He says the one thing he knows could hurt her, and it does. 

Which sets this in stone as not a one-off ‘mistake,’ but a pattern of behaviour from Finn. 

Finn faces no consequences, not in-universe, or in the narrative. When Finn messes up, the narrative will bring up said mistakes and walk them back, treat them as less of a big deal - some of this, I imagine, is dealing with fan reaction as Glee was clearly aware of its fanbase. Kurt comes off unsympathetic in S1? Okay, call that out. That’s good, so what happens when Finn messes up? 

In season 4, Santana calls up Finn to help deal with concerns regarding Rachel’s boyfriend. (Also Finn assaults a sex worker, smooth. Yes there’s context, I don’t care I’m being petty right now). This would be a good time to have Santana maybe be wary, a quiet “Look, I still have issues,” a follow-up in the same vein as Burt walking back his comments on Finn’s slur-usage. But nope, nothing, Santana and Finn are friends apparently. No complication, no drama, no acknowledgement of fan outcry. 

Finn messes up, does something awful, and the narrative refuses to call him out on it, and yet it will acknowledge other fan complaints if it means Finn gets to look better. 

So, yeah. I was pissed off even with all my context thrown in. I cannot imagine what this must have been like at the time. 

There’s a clear double standard here, and it’s a problem. It’s hard to really engage with the plot without noticing a major disconnect between not just how the characters react vs how they ought to, but between how each character involved is treated by the narrative. Santana deserved and deserves so much better than she gets here. 

The end result, even if we ignore the character favouritism, is a lack of closure - and while that may not be inherently a bad thing, in this case I feel it very much is. It feels unintended, and it feels like anyone frustrated or angered by this decision goes ignored because with no consequences and no resolution, there’s nowhere for that anger to go. 

And for the final cherry on top of context, I Kissed A Girl is episode 7 of season 3, in which a character gets outed. Seven episodes later, episode 14 of season 3, is On My Way, in which Karofsky deals with the consequences of being outed with significantly more gravity. Yeah. Not something you can just brush off, Glee. 

It’s Not About You

I Kissed A Girl, the episode tackling the fall-out of Santana being forced out of the closet, is not about Santana Lopez. 

That’s baked into the episode from the get-go, and it means it’s dead on arrival as a compelling story. I wish I knew what the heck they were thinking. But yeah, that’s where we are, so let’s look at it.

The titular storyline is one of several in the episode. We have the student council storyline continuing, more of Puck and Shelby, and then we have the Glee club facing up to what happens. And it’s Finn insisting everyone sing a song to cheer Santana up, despite her evident discomfort, so 10/10 there for ignoring her boundaries twice over. 

But yeah, it’s about Finn. Everyone comforts Santana, and we get none of her reaction, none of her thoughts, just her eventually accepting the comfort - naturally, Finn’s comfort - and happy ending? Somehow? 

Santana’s subject to homophobic harassment, and we get the title song sung by the Glee club, and it’s one where Rachel headlines because it’s about the club’s reaction to having a lesbian member. Yeah, the lead up isn’t even Santana getting a biting remark, it’s the Glee club banding about her. It’s not about Santana’s reaction to living with this, it’s about how good everyone else is to help her. 

There’s not really any denying that Glee is heavily inspired by the kind of inspiration porn rep of, for example, disabled characters in other media - that kind of thing runs throughout all of Artie’s story and the initial depiction of Becky, and there was a Rachel episode in season one, etc. It’s one of the throughlines, and it’s hard to not see the similarities here - when a character departs from the ‘typical,’ the plot isn’t about their life, it’s about how everyone around them reacts and deals with having them as a friend. Glee has rep, and in a lot of ways it is groundbreaking rep especially for the time and honestly, to a degree, even nowadays. But that comes packaged with the fact it’s representation from an outside perspective. 

This isn’t about the outed lesbian, it’s inspiration porn for the people around her, convincing them all to come together. The parallels stick out to me. Rather than give her a story, she’s used for the benefit of others, from Finn, to the rest of the club. 

And it’s a genre that has been rightfully criticised time and again as ultimately just using the people it professes to lift up. 

Okay sure, let’s talk about song choice

Glee recontextualises songs all the time. One of the highlights of season 1 is Kurt’s rendition of Rose’s Turn, a song from a musical whose title is a slur and isn’t that just on-brand for Glee at this point? In the musical, it’s sung by an overbearing mother whose daughter’s basically had enough of her. In Glee, it’s sung by a gay kid scared he’s not enough for his dad. Totally different context, and meaning... and it works. 

So taking Katy Perry’s ‘I Kissed A Girl,’ a song about kissing girls for the attention of boys, surely this is something Glee could put in a new context? The lead-in to the song is the Glee girls defending Santana, and responding with “We don’t care if you think we’re gay, that’s not a bad thing,” and the show at least is conscious enough to keep the ‘Hope my boyfriend doesn’t mind’ lines out of Santana’s mouth (and in Rachel’s which is. unintentionally hilarious but hey). So that’s that, right?

God, I wish. For starters, it just feeds more into the issue of ‘the episode is not about Santana.’ The focus is so completely on the rest of the club and how they deal with being friends with an out lesbian and, y’know, not the lesbian herself. And even without that not-so-minor detail... Yeah, this song has way too much baggage in the queer community to ever use in this context, god no. 

I don’t know what was happening behind the scenes. I want to say it was the network pushing them to include a massive pop song with a sapphic title, there’s definitely a lot of points where the network clearly pushed for a chart-topper, but I can’t say for sure. 

This is not a song Santana should ever have sung. 

And it’s not even my least favourite in the episode. For that, let’s check in again with one Mr Hudson. 

I can mount a half-hearted, not-remotely-sufficient defence of the thought process behind I Kissed A Girl. I cannot even begin to fathom how ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ not only made it into the episode, but got treated somehow as an emotional moment, or even somehow Finn’s apology. Full props to all the actors involved for somehow staying in character. 

(Tangent: props to Blaine and Kurt. Perfect both fills the role of being a comfort-song, and “Welcome to my silly life,” is a great lyric for the situation). 

But no, it’s this song that somehow has Santana feel touched, somehow? The song that offers no comfort, has no relevance, and if you try to make it relevant it just comes off as Santana just being belittled for several minutes straight. ‘Having fun’ is not the turn of phrase to use. 

Which exposes the flaw of the episode all over again - Finn shouldn’t be the one to reach her. People talk about Brittany needing more of a role, and yes that as well, but Blaine and Kurt feel like a good choice as well. Kurt left the school because of the homophobia, he’s maybe not going to know exactly Santana’s experiences, but he’d be in her corner. There’s a lot of people it could be. But no, it’s Finn, the one that outed her, because it’s his story - it’s his ‘redemption’ arc, with Santana as a mere step on the way. 

I guess, for completeness’ sake, I should talk about Constant Craving. It’s a fantastic cover, and I know some people object to it being juxtaposed with Shelby, but my take is more than it’s Santana’s midway point. I think it’s easy to view her as still not completely sure or comfortable yet - she’s had a heck of an awful episode, being forced out the closet isn’t going to make anyone comfy, and ‘craving’ isn’t necessarily the word one goes for when one is totally confident and content with one’s own desires. From that perspective, I have no issues with it. I just wish Santana got a follow-up. Plus, y’know, an episode of her own. 

The saving grace isn’t so good

As I said at the start, the saving grace is that this is only there for one episode. You can forget it ever happened easily enough. In the long run, this isn’t even the arc that bothers me the most in the show - because it’s one episode. Bingewatching, as I did, it occupies such a small amount of my overall time with the show. 

As an episode, there’s plenty of stuff that isn’t dealing with the mishandled plot, good song covers, fun character beats for everyone else. It’s just that none of it has anything to do with Santana. As an episode, on its own merits, it isn’t my least favourite of the show at all - but that storyline, and how it’s handled, is undeniably one of the nadirs of Glee. 

Which for me, is kind of the whole problem. I like this season, and part of the reason I do is that the worst parts, for me, occupy so little time. And at the same time, part of what makes the worst parts as bad as they are, is precisely because they occupy way too little time for the show to do them justice. 

You can forget it ever happened, if you want. That’s the honest truth. Glee, as a show, often does use its heightened nature to get away with ‘Don’t necessarily take this literally.’ If you did, I’m pretty sure every character ought to be in prison. There’s a wealth of things that don’t get treated with the seriousness they really ought to be - let’s not forget Sue threatening to pull out Artie’s teeth at prom, that happened. The show will take physical violence seriously sometimes, and not at all others, and that’s just part of Glee. So if thee’s a scene or stretch that genuinely makes you feel uncomfortable, Glee brings with it the easy option to just deny it and file it away with the crack houses and sex tapes and supervillain cats. 

If you treat the episode as nothing but a bad taste Tina dream sequence, absolutely nothing about the rest of Glee is affected. 

That’s what makes S3 still bearable, to me. And it’s also the biggest condemnation you can give it - this isn’t a one-off joke, this is a major point in Santana’s arc, a topic Glee itself acknowledges later can be life-ruining especially in a town like Lima, and it’s brushed over. Forgotten about. There’s no closure for viewers that identified with Santana, no sign of this being acknowledged as the big deal it was, and ultimately it gets treated with as much significance as that time Blaine made a sentient puppet. 

Santana can be cruel, and she was to Finn. The worst thing she said, he’d likely forget about by the end of the day. The thng he did in response could get her killed - something Glee itself acknowledges several days later. 

Blithely forgetting and moving past this is not something that should be expected. And yet it’s what the show does. 

So that’s my IKAG rant to join what I imagine is a long tradition of similar vents. 

#Glee #Santana Lopez #Glee meta #Anti Finn Hudson #I mean I feel any discussion of this episode inevitably will be #IKAG

[wososcripts]

Tell Me of Your Grief

Stina Blackstenius x Reader

Summary: The fourteenth of March brings back some rather difficult memories, and you don't always make the healthiest decisions. Stina intervenes.

Word count: 4.4k

A/N: sorry it's been a while, I've started uni again which means my writing is somewhat slower! With some luck I'll be able to get things up once a week? But that remains to be seen... I promise this is hurt/comfort and not just pain btw.

Warnings ⚠️: discussion of death, self harm behaviors (mild), angst angst angst

------------------------------------

You woke up that morning to a text from Jonas saying you didn’t have to come to training. 

It felt weak to admit it, but part of you was relieved. You knew Katie must’ve talked to him, which was mortifying if you let yourself think about it too much, but she knew you needed this day to yourself. 

It was the anniversary of your best friend’s passing—five years in the making. You hadn’t told many of your teammates what happened, or why you became so withdrawn and somber the week around the 14th of March. It was too difficult to explain. All of the dramatics that surrounded the event, the pain, what you had done wrong, what she had too, it was all still too delicate for eyes you didn’t completely trust. 

You hadn’t even told your girlfriend Stina yet. You’d meant to, really, you had, but the days slipped by and there never seemed like a good time to do it. You knew it would ruin any good mood you were in, and honestly you enjoyed having Stina as your respite when the rest of the world seemed to be knocking against your skull. But it felt wrong that she didn’t know. It felt as though you were hiding something from her, even if it wasn’t intentional.

“Hi baby, I’m not feeling well today so I won’t be at practice. Don’t worry your head when I’m not there. It’s nothing too serious, though, so I’ll be back tomorrow.” You spoke into your phone, recording a voice note to send to her so she wouldn’t be left in the dark about where you were. 

Stina was a worrier, something you yourself could understand, so you always made the effort to let her know if you were running late or not going to something. Otherwise you’d inevitably get a call with her anxious voice on the other line. 

It was early, too early for even Stina to be up. The sun had barely begun cresting over the horizon, casting a slight glow to everything. You wanted to go back to sleep, particularly since you hadn't slept all that well to begin with. Your back hurt from being tensed all night as you were plagued with anxious dreams. On your palms were the remnants of nail indentations—some of them bloody from how hard you had been pressing.

You turned on a podcast and closed your eyes, hoping the sound of human voices would lull you to sleep. It must've worked for a little while, because the next time you opened your eyes it was truly morning, and the podcast had switched to another episode. 

The dreams had continued, unsurprisingly considering your waking mental state, and the extra hour of sleep you might be able to get if you closed your eyes wasn't worth it. So you got out of bed, throwing on a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt to go for a run. 

You weren't typically a runner—in fact you were practically ethically against doing it as a hobby—but it was useful for clearing your head. And with no training today, it would feel good to get out for at least a little while. So you blasted your music and took off into the streets of London, completely lost in your own world. Nobody spoke to you, nobody looked at you. 

By the time you had finished, you were sweaty, red-faced, and exhausted. The endorphins began to flood your system as you stripped and started the shower. You turned it almost as high as it could go, hoping for the burn against your skin. You hissed, stepping under the spray, and tears sprung to your eyes. Your skin immediately began to redden. But you didn’t move to lower the heat, instead grabbing your shampoo, gritting your teeth, and bearing it. 

—

“Morning, Blackstenius.” Beth called, clapping her on the back soundly as she wandered into the locker room. 

Stina expected to find you there, sitting by your locker getting changed into your kit and reading your book as you always did, each morning. But you weren’t there. Your locker hadn’t even been touched. She furrowed her brow, then remembered that you had sent her a message earlier. Maybe you had asked her for a ride and she hadn’t seen? Maybe you were going to be late today? Maybe you had some kind of appointment you’d forgotten about until the last minute—you were notorious for that. 

“Morning,” Katie said, sitting down next to Stina on the bench and pulling her kit out of her bag. 

“Morning, Katie.” She replied, opening her phone to look at her message. 

She brought the phone to her ear, confusion and concern filling her chest as she listened to your voice. Though your words weren’t all that worrying, she could hear in your voice that things weren’t right. 

“How’s she doing?” Katie asked, having heard your voice coming from the phone. Her voice was cautious, something unusual for the Irish captain.

“Did you know she wouldn’t be here today?” Stina asked, confused as to why Katie seemed to be clued in to your mood before her. Maybe you had sent her a similar message? She was your best friend, after all. The two of you made a ridiculous pair—her loud and aggressive, you nearly silent and composed—but you’d known each other longer than anyone else on the team, and everyone knew Katie would do practically anything for you. 

Katie was quiet, glancing around at the other girls in the room. Now Stina was worried. Even though you had told her not to be, that it wasn’t anything serious, she couldn’t help it now that Katie was acting so strangely. 

Once it was just Stina and Katie in the locker room, Katie answered her question. 

“Listen, it isn’t my place to tell you anything. You know how private she is…” Katie sighed, rubbing her temples. “I can’t believe she didn’t tell you, probably didn’t want to worry you, the idiot,” she mumbled under her breath to an increasingly concerned Stina. 

“Katie.” Stina said firmly, “What the fuck is going on?” 

She wasn’t usually one to swear. But where you were concerned, the possibility that you were hurting, and had hidden it from her, that warranted much more than cursing. 

“Today is difficult for her, very difficult. That’s all I feel comfortable saying. But if you want to go, Jonas is going to understand.” 

Stina’s heart was in her stomach. Images flashed through her mind, a thousand different horrible things this could mean. 

"Difficult?" She questioned, "Katie, is she safe? Do I have to be prepared for—"

"It's not like that, she isn't in physical danger." 

The answer wasn't reassuring to Stina, who now felt a little ill at the thought of you home alone today. She should be there with you. Someone should be there, if you didn't want her (God, she hoped you wanted her, trusted her). The urge to press more information out of Katie was strong, but Stina held herself back. Katie was right—you needed to tell Stina yourself. Otherwise any insight into your head would be forced entry, a violation of the trust you had both with Katie and with her.

So Stina simply nodded and looked back at her phone to reply to your message. 

Okay, I hope you're feeling all right. Can I swing by later and bring you something? I'd love to see you <3

She wanted to give you an option to say no to her visit—though she would prefer to just go over there now. At least now if you didn't answer before she showed up she could say she had reached out.

—

You waited until the water ran cold to get out of the shower. Your skin was raw to the touch, and still a subtle red color after you had dried yourself off and began braiding your hair. You could hardly stand to look at yourself.  

You threw on the only clothes you could stand on your skin—a pair of soft sweatpants and fuzzy socks—along with Stina's old Häcken hoodie she left at your place a few days ago. It smelled of her which comforted you even if she wasn't here. 

Your phone dinged with a message. Upon opening it, you saw Stina and Katie had messaged, and that you had two missed calls. 

"Eat something." Was all your message from Katie said. 

She knew you, and knew you wouldn't want to eat today. But you had to.

You went to open Stina's text when your phone lit up with another incoming call. It was from Sandra, the mother of your friend. She did this every year, and every year you told yourself you wouldn't pick up. It wasn't healthy for either of you—it reopened wounds that were barely scabbing over as it was. She inevitably cried, and asked why you had left her daughter alone that night, and you bit your lip raw trying to keep quiet and apologize.

But even though you knew the script, you picked up the phone. 

"Hi," you said, your voice noticeably smaller.

You heard a sigh of relief on the other end.

"How are you, Sandra?" You continued, your fingers picking at your lip anxiously. You felt it start to bleed and did nothing.

"Are you still in Limerick?" You continued your flood of questions, waiting for her onslaught to begin.

A few minutes later, once you were on your tenth question and you'd switched from your lip to pressing your nails into your bloodied palm, you heard her begin to cry.

You weren't sure how you managed this every year. Memories of the funeral flashed behind your eyes, and how you hadn't been allowed to stand near the front with the rest of the friends and family. How Sandra had wailed, and smacked you across the face in the parking lot. You stared at your kitchen backsplash and just listened.

"Why, why did you do it?" She cried, and you bit the inside of your cheek.

"I'm sorry." You whispered. 

"You left her alone, you killed her, you always brought her home expect that one fucking night and look what happened. It should've been you, it should've been you, you don't deserve this—" 

And so it continued. Tears streamed down your face as your brain began to shut down as a defense mechanism. You just felt numb. Nobody else existed in the world except for you and this woman whose life you had ruined. No Katie, No Stina, Nobody that gave you their love and wanted you here. You didn't deserve what you had, not your success where it should've been your friend's, not your team, not your girlfriend. You were an imposter on this planet, a thief.

—

It turned out that going over to your place wasn't as simple as it seemed. Stina tried asking Jonas if she could be excused from practice, but he insisted that she stay just for an hour. Arsenal had a match with the Spurs in four days and Jonas wanted to go over strategies with the forwards. No skipping. 

So Stina stayed—looking at her phone every thirty seconds for a text from you. There was nothing, and it freaked her out even more.

Whatever Jonas was saying, none of it was registering. She would ride the bench if she had to, it didn't matter to her now. Her leg bounced nervously, and Viv looked at her with concern on her face every couple of minutes. When Jonas went outside to take a quick call, she turned to Stina and immediately asked after her.

"What's wrong, is it something with Odi?" 

Stina nodded, her tight lipped expression telling Viv all she needed to know. She gave Stina a look of sympathy and glanced at her watch, clearly wondering when the meeting would be over as well.

"Odi, something's wrong with her?" Beth butted in unabashedly.

You'd gotten the nickname for a few reasons: you'd danced for years as a child as a ballerina, which showed in your play. You were showy, and graceful, not the aggressive type. Like a swan, someone had once said to you—and the swan lake association stuck: Odette, or Odi for short. Arsenal's dancer.

Jonas re-entered the room before Beth could ask any more questions, saving Stina the struggle.

"For Christ's sake, let the poor girl go," Beth called out as Stina checked her phone for the hundredth time.

Jonas sent a look Beth's way, but decided to be merciful.

"Alright, Blackstenius, you're excused. But I'll be seeing you tomorrow."

Stina practically ran back to the locker room, throwing her kit into her bag and getting changed as fast as she could. A steady sense of dread was building in her. She decided to call you as she left the training grounds and walked to her car, hoping she could catch you and tell you she was coming. It would soothe her mind just to hear your voice.

But instead of your voice on the other end, Stina was met with the busy signal. That confused her even more—you weren't a fan of phone calls necessarily, and she knew your parents would be working now, so it was unlikely they would have called you.

She tried once more, hoping she had just happened to catch you at the tail end of a call, but you still didn't answer.

—

You had barely hung up the phone with Sandra before the tears began to pour from your eyes. It was as though time had made no difference and you were hearing of your friend's death for the first time. All the pain, all the self loathing that had fallen down upon you then still crushed your shoulders with its weight.

Your phone dinged again—a message from Katie.

Respond to me or I'm coming over there myself.

You didn't want Katie here. She had been there in years past, and for her to see you no better despite the time and therapy you put in, well you couldn't handle the shame.

I'm alive and well - see you tomorrow at training

You replied, knowing if you told her you were fine and left it at that she might kill you herself. 

You giggled at the thought of her huffing and puffing at you, demanding you take better care of yourself like a surrogate mother. When your mother wasn’t around, Katie did a damn good impression of her. You never got away with anything if Katie had a say. You laughed through your tears, feeling like every nerve of yours was on a razor's edge. 

A knock at the door barely registered in your mind as you wandered over to the couch, wanting nothing more than to curl up in a ball and waste away for the next twelve hours. Your head was beginning to hurt from all the crying, which only soured your mood further. For the first time you had the thought: I don't want to be alone.

You thought it must’ve been a hallucination, the way Stina appeared in front of you. 

—

Stina wasn’t sure what to expect when she knocked on the door of your apartment. She had spent the entire drive over worrying about how she could find you, partially cursing Katie for giving her just enough info to get her mind going in a million unhelpful directions. The fact that you weren’t texting her back hadn’t helped either. The road before her blurred as she drove without thinking, her body getting her to your apartment building on instinct. 

The elevator dinged at each floor and with it her heartbeat increased. 

When you didn’t answer the door it dropped. 

“Hello?” Stina called out, having opened the door with the spare key you had given her a few months ago. She cursed herself for not staying with you last night when you looked so weighed down, so tired. She’d let you convince her you were fine—something she wouldn’t do again anytime soon.  

When she turned the corner from your kitchen into the open space of your living room she spotted you. There you were, curled up on the couch in a small ball, silent. 

“Did you hear me knock?” She asked softly, approaching you.

You didn’t reply, didn’t even look at her. 

She slowly reached out a hand to place it on your head gently, when you turned and looked at her. It frightened her—the look in your eyes. She hadn’t ever seen them so empty. 

“Stina?” you whispered, confusion present in your tone. 

“Yes, min kärlek, jag är här.”

She put a hand softly on your face, cupping your cheek.

“You’re really here?” 

There were tears beginning to gather in your already red eyes. Stina felt her throat constrict. You’d been crying, clearly a lot by how swollen your face was. 

Stina pulled you up and into her arms easily, shifting you so she could sit on the couch with you in her lap. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked gently, remembering that you had said once that hearing her speak her native Swedish calmed you down. 

You wiped your eyes, lip still trembling slightly. 

“Did Katie say something? Or Jonas?” 

Stina wiped your cheeks with the pad of her thumb, brow creased with worry. 

“Katie said today was hard for you, that’s it. Promise.” 

You went silent, thinking. 

“I was going to tell you. I promise, I meant to. But it just never seemed like a good time, or I just wanted to avoid it as long as possible…you see, Katie met me not long after it happened, she was there, it’s different. I didn’t trust her with this and not you on purpose. She can’t help but know.” You shifted off of Stina’s lap, curling in on yourself next to her so your skin wasn’t touching.

“I hate myself for it. I do, really. And every time I tell someone, they might hate me too, I know that. And I just couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t give you the chance to hate me.”

Stina put a hand on your shoulder, biting her lip to contain a small sob when you flinched away from her. It was as if you weren’t even there in front of her. All of the grace and kindness and light that had been there just a few days ago seemed to have been swallowed by darkness. To hear you say the words ‘I hate myself’? Stina could cry at the thought of it. Those were words that should never come from your mouth. It was like a knife in her ribcage. 

“Min söta… älskling”

“Don’t call me that,” you sobbed, putting your hands over your eyes and hiding your face from her. 

"Snälla, låt mig hjälpa dig, please, I want to help.” 

You shook your head, face still obscured from Stina’s view. 

This was horrible. Stina felt as though she’d eaten something rotten the way her stomach churned. She was helpless, completely in the dark. Here she was, the person who was supposed to take care of you and love you, and she could hardly do anything. All she could think to do as you cried quietly was pull you into her side and rock you slowly. A melody popped into her head—one her mother had sang to her as a child when she was ill. 

Stina softly sang, trying not to feel embarrassed by her voice. You were beginning to calm, your hands dropping from your face to her shirt, holding it close. By the time she was finished, the room was quiet, empty of your cries. You were clinging to her, your face buried in the crook of her neck as if you were ashamed of the comfort you needed. 

“What was that song?” you asked, voice hoarse. 

“It’s a lullaby. I can’t remember the name.” 

Stina felt you nod against her skin. 

She opted not to say anything further. You were exhausted, she could tell. Anything you wanted to say, you needed to volunteer. 

After a few moments, she felt your grip on her shirt tighten. 

“When I was nineteen, my best friend died.” 

Whatever Stina had been expecting to come out of your mouth, that wasn’t it. She sucked in a breath, trying to remain unaffected. You needed her strength. 

“We had been friends for years, since we were kids. And we’d gotten in this huge fight over something… uni I think. I had an offer to play professionally. I had been drinking, so had she. And I always walked her home, always, when she had been drinking. The way to her house was a bit sketchy, you know? So I figured two people were better than one if anything happened. But the things she said to me that night… I’d never been so upset in my life.” 

You took a breath, 

“So I refused to walk her. She didn’t press, just turned up her nose and walked away, didn’t even say goodbye. And I waited for my bus. The next morning I get a call from her mum—she’s been killed.”

Stina could barely trust herself to breathe. 

“I let it happen, I’m the reason she died.” 

“No—” Stina began, but you cut her off. 

“When they held the funeral, I wasn’t allowed to say anything. I wasn’t allowed anywhere but the very back of the church, because they all knew it was my fault. And still, they know it, they remind me of what happened, what I’ve done. I stole her life!” 

“Stop!” Stina demanded, her face flushed with anger. You were taken aback by her passion, and quieted. “You did not steal anything, you didn’t kill her, it isn’t your fault!” She grabbed your hand as you pulled back from her. 

“You lost your best friend in such a horrible way, and nobody checked in? Nobody held you?” 

You opened your mouth to speak, but this time Stina silenced you.

“I want you to tell me what you mean by ‘they remind you’ of what happened.” 

You refused to meet her eyes. 

“It’s not good. Not for me or her… she calls me, my friend’s mom, to talk.” You hesitated, but explained the routine to your girlfriend when she fixed you with a look. 

“That’s…” Stina seemed at a loss for words, “you are the strongest person I know. And you rake yourself across hot coals for a crime that isn’t even yours. For a woman who wants to see you suffer, who can’t accept your healing. That isn’t right. You did not kill her. That is someone else’s burden to carry.” 

You burst into tears again. 

—

You must’ve fallen asleep at some point, because the next time you wake up you’re in bed, and Stina is wrapped protectively around you. Her warmth encases you; she holds you more protectively than usual, her arms shielding you from the world. 

Eventually the two of you get back up, though not before Stina wraps you in a crushing embrace and lets you know she’s staying for a couple of days. No negotiating. 

She makes dinner, you clean. It’s the first time you’ve eaten all day, and you think she can tell by the way she watches you intently. You feel cared for, and it’s a little overwhelming. Stina doesn’t let you out of her sight save a few trips to the bathroom and one brief call from her sister that she has to take.

You didn’t expect things to shake her up so much. 

She helps you clean the wounds on your palms, grimacing at the sight of them once you unfurl your fingers for her. You try to tell her you can deal with them yourself—especially with how much it seems to upset her—but she isn't having it. You see her set her brow and concentrate on cleaning and bandaging the damaged skin, tears only glazing her eyes as you hiss in pain. 

Eventually you convince her that you're fine enough to settle down on the couch and watch a movie. She insists on having you in her lap—something that you find equally as comforting. Stina isn't typically all that tactile, but now each moment apart from you seems to worry her.

You're about halfway into the film and slowly drifting off into her chest when you feel her whisper something into your skin. You think she assumes you're asleep (and you nearly are) but you make out her voice slightly.

"Tack Gud att du är här." She repeats it, and soon you can feel the drops of her tears hitting your shoulder. 

"Stina…" you whisper, repositioning yourself to face her.

"förlåt" she says, wiping her eyes.

"You don't have to be sorry… It was an intense day." You press a kiss to her cheek.

"I was so worried," Stina starts, and you figure it's best not to interrupt her, "when Katie said that you might be struggling, I couldn't think of anything else. You can't hurt yourself anymore, please." Stina takes your bandaged hand.

"If you were gone one day, I don't know how I'd cope." 

"You don't have to worry about that, ever."

"You are the most important thing in my life." Stina's lip trembles, and you wonder how you're managing to keep it together.

You pull her into another kiss, lips sore from how you had abused them earlier. The pain reminds you of the struggle of the day, but Stina's hand holds the depths in front of you at bay.

"I'll always be here." She promises.

You begin to think of something lighter. Of an ounce of forgiveness. Of a year that does not revolve around the rising and setting of the sun on this one day. A moment of peace afforded to yourself. The thought passes your mind—you do not deserve this. You instead think of love.

#woso x reader #stina blackstenius x reader #stina blackstenius imagine #woso imagine #woso fanfics #stina blackstenius #woso #woso community #arsenal x reader #swewnt x reader #my writing #i hope this satisfies some of the stina girls #and happy new year (belated lol)

[sophie-frm-mars]

Into the projected corn field

I dunno I just feel like before I can even form an opinion on the Fallout TV series I have to do something to try and get through the haze of disgust, emptiness, anger, nausea and desperation that I feel sitting at home alone watching a TV show based on the insipid corporatised franchise that was based on the highly original and artful world in which one of the (and then two of the, and then New Vegas of the) best games ever made were set in. I'm not feeling any of those feelings at the show, I just have to feel all those feelings before I can feel any feelings about the show, because everything being made is Intellectual Property instead of art, and we've spent all this time discussing AI art when everything being made is already being made by the algorithmic logics of capital. All the same things we find troubling in the idea of inhuman heuristics deciding what art is produced and how and by who are already true - we aren't watching a show about the hubris of our society and nuclear annihilation because someone (anyone) thought there would be something poignant to say in it, something to explore in our moment, we're watching it because Amazon executives knew that if they made it we'd watch and go "look, ghouls! like in the thing! and mutants! like the thing from the thing!"

The original Fallout games were made in and around and after the neoliberal end of history, the ultimate period of peace and prosperity in western capitalist society and imagined an absurd world based on the penultimate period of american imperialist peace and prosperity playing out into an almost inevitable post-apocalyptic nightmare world where the same rubrick of control and domination that led to the destruction of society in the first place constantly tries to reassert itself over a hobbesian wasteland full of strange, silly, kind, funny, odd people whose human tendency towards care and altruism makes an endless mockery of the kill-or-be-killed nature of the wasteland that mocks it right back.

In the first episode the vault dwellers gather in a simulated corn field. It's an actual corn field, they're growing actual corn in it, but the horizon and sky are projected onto the vault walls to create the only wider world the subterranean human beings will ever see, and I just... hope that someone gets what I hope anyone ever gets out of art no matter how it's produced. I hope it makes you realise that love and the revolution are the only meanings in being alive, and I hope you get that from Rothko and I hope you get that from EpicLlama's Midjourney feature film sponsored by Dogecoin, and I hope you get that from Akira and I hope you get that from Spy Kids 3D. I just think about being in a moment right between the pandemic and the collapse of the conglomerate capitalist empire watching people on a screen seeing a better world projected on a screen and I feel gut wrenchingly alienated from other human beings, but I acknowledge that could just be me.

How am I supposed to feel about Walton Goggins' performance as a half rotted rubber cowboy man? I don't fucking know man. My opinion is this show is making me derealise.

[a-random-whovian7]

What your favourite Doctor says about you (just like the Master and Companion lists, this is all just jokes and my own terrible takes, absolutely no offence intended towards anyone). This is gonna be a long one, so good luck:

One (I think):

Is somehow able to sit through The Keys of Marinus whilst completely sober. Their feelings on Twice Upon a Time completely depend on whether they are able to accept that TV shows made in the 1960s will inevitably have some outdated bits or not. Loves slow-burners and less science-heavy stories, and wishes the Doctor would go back to trolling his companions again. Prays every night for The Celestial Toymaker and Marco Polo to be found. Hates the Timeless Child with a burning passion.

Two:

Two fans deserve a lot better. Despite a large chunk of their era being limited to surviving audio, PowerPoint presentations telesnaps and the, er, mixed bag of animated reconstructions, they still contribute a lot to the discussion of Classic Who and are usually well versed in the lore of the EU. 2nd Doctor fans are remarkable, as they are able to get along with pretty much every other group of fans. However, there is plenty of infighting thanks to the UNIT dating controversy and which story should be reconstructed next. If they ship Two/Jamie, they have fully earned your love and are surprisingly good if you pass them the aux.

Three:

Pretty much blows a gasket whenever some idiot says that the modern era is 'too political'. Like, I'm sorry, but was the "England for the English" scene in the Claws of Axos a little too subtle for you? Were Malcolm Hulke's scripts absolutely apolitical in your eyes? Does the mere existence of The Green Death mean nothing to you?! Oh, well maybe you should try WATCHING THE SHOW and DOING YOUR RESEARCH before you start claiming that it's become 'tOo pOLiTiCaL' because the main characters aren't always played by Whiteguy McStraight now, shouldn't you?! YOU AND YOUR MEDIOCRE OPINION SHALL COWER BEFORE MY KNOWLEDGE OF THE THIRD DOCTOR'S ERA AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME!

It is for this very reason that 3rd Doctor fans get along particularly well with 13th Doctor fans. Perfectly nice people with a great sense of humour and an excellent taste in episodes, unless a conversation resembling the above occurs, at which point you will see how much damage the repressed urge to do Venusian Akido can do. Refuses to admit that The Ambassadors of Death is two episodes too long.

Four:

Either a child of the 70s or chaos incarnate. Yes, 4 is pretty much the universally recognised Doctor, but that doesn't stop him from being one of the most unhinged Doctors. Loves more gothic horror-themed episodes and can ignore the somewhat questionable production qualities of early Baker stories. They have almost certainly attempted to make The Scarf at one point; whether they were successful or not entirely depends on their talent for knitting. Is surprisingly ok with admitting that Tom Baker stayed for a little too long and that his later seasons were a little underwhelming. Hasn't stopped them from watching every version of Shada though.

Five:

The tired parental figure of any group they are in. They immediately related to this Doctor when they saw 5 trying to hold it together whilst his multiple adopted humans argued, whined and got themselves trapped on doomed freighter ships. Has tried to play cricket once, but a general confusion over the rules and a few broken windows stopped that. You can take care of the cinnamon roll that is the standard 5 fan by providing them with cups of tea, giving them lots of hugs and removing all copies of Time Flight from your house.

Six:

Best fashion sense out of all the fans... somehow. Their favourite episodes are usually Vengeance on Varos or Revelation of the Daleks (both bangers), although they lean more heavily towards EU and Big Finish material, where the stories are more consistent and the costumes are less yikes. Either the best or worst fan to be around, either giving fair balanced views on the show or just being an absolute arse. Loves cats. Hates Michael Grade. Kind of ambivalent towards Mel.

Seven:

If 2nd Doctor fans are well versed in the EU lore, then these individuals are fucking academics. Constantly annoyed that 7 had two of the best seasons of Classic Who and was the darkest Doctor but is only remembered for Time and the Rani for some reason. Their favourite companion will always be Ace, which is what motivated them to watch Power of the Doctor. Usually excellent taste in stories, but is completely capable of dragging you to the depths of the EU. Wishes the Doctor would commit a few more genocides. Their religious beliefs can be summarised in the phrase "Cartmel Master Plan". Still annoyed that the most strategic Doctor was killed by the two most American things (guns and bad healthcare), but gets along well with 8 fans despite that. Somehow understands Ghost Light after just 3 rewatches.

Eight:

Big Finish fan. Basically willing to explain the entire plot of Dark Eyes if you ask them. Thinks the TV Movie is just OK, and has rewatched Night of the Doctor too many times to count. Loves a sad boy, and has definitely referred to 8 as a "poor little meow meow" at some point. Wishes 8's TARDIS interior was still intact and that he'll get his own live action series. Had an actual heart attack when he appeared in Power of the Doctor. Usually a bisexual from my personal experience, and looking at Paul McGann in the 90s, I can see why.

War (or is it Nine?):

We're stepping into the depths of the Moffat cult with this one. Wants a more traumatised Doctor, and kind of wishes we saw more of the Time War beyond the laser battle in Day of the Doctor. Content to sit back and watch due to the fact that the War Doctor had the perfect arc in his one episode, although they are happy that the War Doctor still pops up in the EU. Bridging the gap between the modern and classic series means they get along well with everyone except Shalka fans.

Nine (the Curse of Fatal Death one):

Does this one count? Just loves the classic series. Still praying for Joanna Lumley as the Doctor. Nowhere near as obnoxious as the Shalka fans and surprisingly funny.

Nine (the Scream of the Shalka one):

They pride themselves on being 'against the trend' and being fans of an overlooked bit of Doctor Who history. Doesn't quite realise that Scream of the Shalka was basically an B-tier Big Finish story with janky animation. Wants Richard E Grant to show up again. Constantly attempting to upset Eccleston and Hurt fans, only to get angry when everyone forgets Scream of the Shalka existed. They definitely listen to Weezer.

Ten, no, another Nine (the Eccleston one):

The word "fantastic" is permanently superglued to their vocabulary, and yet it never gets old. Owns a leather jacket too. Wishes that the BBC hadn't been stupid and Eccleston had stayed on for another series, but doesn't hold it against Tennant. Knows the Daleks were at their best in S1. Really wants the Reapers to return, and was utterly distraught after Chibs kind of ruined 9's role in the wider arc by blowing up Gallifrey again. Major nostalgia for the 2000s with this one, and is slowly becoming a member of the Big Finish cult thanks to Eccleston's return. Understandably forgot Adam was a thing. Both loves and hates John Barrowman.

Ten? Eleven? Ten and a half? The Tennant one. I hate numbers:

Their first experience to Doctor Who was during the golden age- wait, no, sorry, the RTD cult has threatened to terminate my membership if I'm not honest with this one.

Either a child of the 2000s, a member of the aforementioned RTD cult or someone who just likes the show to be more emotionally resonant. Well, that or they are the blandest person alive. If they acknowledge how good 10's arc was in terms of deconstructing the Doctor and setting up his fall from grace via misplaced attachments and vanity, then absolutely someone to be around. If they simply say "because he was popular", definitely bland. We all know Tennant was popular, it's still not one of the many valid reasons to love him. They have an easygoing relationship with 4 and 11 fans, and otherwise OK relations with the rest of Doctors fan groups, although there is a bit of friction between 13 stans due to 10 being dragged into a lot of 13's media post-2020 to boost ratings. They didn't like it because it cheapned 10's return and era whilst also overshadowing 13. 13 stans didn't like it because it basically gave the message that the BBC had given up on 13 before her era had finished.

Definitely excited for the 60th after the regeneration and the announcement of RTD's return. Has tried owning a pair of converses, only to find out that they aren't exactly cheap. Has fought for the Ten/Rose ship on multiple occasions. Tried hair gel once, with disastrous consequences.

Huh. This one was incredibly easy to write. All I had to do was look in a mirror.

Thirte- no, Eleven:

Major ADHD energy in the best possible way. Saw the chaotic excitable Doctor and immediately fell in love. They will not rest until they have forced every former Doctor to read the "Hello Stonehenge" speech. They have also cosplayed the most out of any fan, due to the availability of fezzes and bow ties. Definitely the most fun to be around at a party. Was disappointed by Matt Smith's decision not to return for the 60th, especially after the absolute banger that was Day of the Doctor. If they ship 11 with River, they're cool, even though 11 was very asexual in S5. If they ship him with anyone else, then yikes. Wishes for the show to return to a quirky fairytale tone again.

If they were present during the SuperWhoLock days, keep an eye on them. You're only one drink away from dragging us back to 2013, and I ain't reading any of that fanfiction again *shudders*.

Fourte- FUCK, Twelve:

A certified member of the Steven Moffat cult, or just someone who likes some of their stories to have a slightly more mature tone. Has tried to play the electric guitar more than once, only to be forced to stop by their partners or housemates. Either willing to admit some of the flaws of the era or strongly defends it, with no inbetween. Absolutely correct in their assertion that S9 and 10 absolutely slapped, although this cam be undermined if they try to defend Sleep No More. If they ship River and 12, then you can trust them with anything, and they will offer you good relationship advice. If they ship 12 and Clara in a romantic way (which is strange to me cos i always got platonic BFF vibes from them, but that's just me), they definitely have relationship advice, although waiting 4 billion years to get your memory wiped is a questionable means of resolving conflict. They have a pair of the sonic sunglasses. Cried when Capaldis majestic floofy hair got shaved off for a superhero film.

Thirteen? That's right? Phew, finally getting the hang of this. Ok, Thirteen:

There are two types of 13 fan. The first is cinnamoniest of rolls. Is just happy to sit back and have fun, thus allowing them to enjoy pretty much any episode (something that a lot of people could learn from). Immediately realised that Jodie is an amazing Doctor and deserves more praise and justice. Definitely shipped Thasmin, and are the best at constructive criticism, recognising what worked and didn't in a respectful, polite way (again, something we could all learn from). Wierdly enough, they get along well with all the Doctor fans, as they are a wholesome ray of sunshine that reminds us that every era has something to offer, no matter the general consensus.

The second type masquerades as the first, but gets all hipster-y and more than willing to use the term 'overrated' when RTD or Tennant are mentioned (so basically a healthy 80% of the #antiRTD tag).

Both are convinced that the Chibnall Era will receive a massive reappraisal like the 12th Doctor's era did, despite the odds of that happening being the same as an on-screen Thasmin kiss. I'm so sorry, that's a really mean line to end this bit on. Let's instead end by saying Haunting of Villa Diodati is an absolute banger of an episode.

Ruth:

Loves the admittedly cool concept of a mystery incarnation. The rest depends on their theory of where the Ruth Doctor fits in. If they use the season 6B theory, then they have an encyclopedic knowledge of the classical series and the EU regardless of whether they have watched it or not. If they use the Timeless Child/Division theory, then they basically settled for the easier version of 6B after looking into the insane asylum that is classic who and EU discourse (wise choice). If they think she's from an alternative universe, thinks that she's Omega, Rassilon, The Rani, The Master or any other figure, then they practically have a gold medal in Mental Gymnastics. Either way, all of them don't like to admit that they are unfortunately limited to 4 episodes (three of them being fairly mid, the other being a mild car crash) and a pretty good comic. Cool fashion taste. Gets along with 13 stans and, surprisingly, 2nd Doctor fans.

Fourteen- oh for fucks sake:

YOU ARE TENTH DOCTOR FANS. GO BACK TO EARLIER ON IN THE POST. YES, I KNOW THAT'S THE BBC'S OFFICIAL LINE AT THE MOMENT. YES, I KNOW YOU'RE HYPED FOR THE 60TH, I AM A HYPED RTD CULTIST TOO. JUST WAIT UNTIL SEPTEMBER. P L E A S E.

Fourt- no fifteen- no, fourteen- BBC, HAVE MERCY:

Only in the Doctor Who fandom can a Doctor who has only appeared in a brief clip and some photos have a fully developed fanbase. I should know, I've already joined it. Ncuti's photos in that suit sealed the deal. Either an RTD cultist or someone just looking forward to a fresh new direction. Also very fashionable. Has a somewhat complicated relationship with 13th Doctor fans due to the fact that Ncuti's first season and casting completely overshadowed S13 and the specials, but Ncuti also had to deal with the same levels of toxicity from the same 'fans' who threw temper tantrums at Jodie's casting in 2017. Best haircuts out of all the Doctor Who fans. Strange but true.

Full Fathom Five:

Y'all scare me.

Zagreus:

Y'all terrify me.

The Watcher:

Y'all confuse me.

The Valeyard:

Has wanted a darker series since god knows when. Was kind of annoyed when the Time Lord Victorious arc wasn't dedicated to a whole series. Also, the Valeyard is the Shadow the Hedgehog of the Whoniverse. I refuse to elaborate any further.

The Curator:

"Alright gang, let's see who the Curator fans really are!"

Pulls off mask

"Fourth Doctor fans?!"

All jokes aside, they just want a more experienced Doctor. Accepts that the show will have to end one day, and is cool with that, since they already have the perfect ending. Either cool grandad vibes or an actual grandad. Good knitwear. Their response to everything is simply putting the kettle on.

Doctor Moon:

Now these ones are very, very rare. I personally love the theory that Doctor Moon is a future version of the Doctor who is keeping River and the Library safe, but limiting your favourite Doctor to two episodes and an endorsement of the theory from Steven Moffat? Now that takes guts, and I like it. Usually partial to classy clothes, and talks in a very formal tone. Their best subject is usually maths.

Dr Who (Peter Cushing):

Unashamedly insane. Saw the absolutely glorious cheese-fest that was the 1960s Dalek movies and ended up loving one of the most unique versions of the Doctor. Is absolutely fine with bypassing 90% of the TV shows lore, making them really fun to talk to. Time Lords? Nah. Sonic screwdriver? Nope. Their Doctor is a wacky grandpa who built a multi-dimensional time machine in their back garden, and they love it. Is a sucker for Alternate Universe stories and usually loves classic B-movies. Knows that the movies kind of suck as adaptations, but as pure 1960s camp, they are unbeatable. Absolute legends.

All of Them:

The glue that holds this fanbase together. Enlightened individuals who have to check in every now and then to make sure that we mere mortals are behaving ourselves. They just simply enjoy the show and hold no biases. Absolutely infuriating to talk to for that very reason.

#doctor who #1st doctor #2nd doctor #3rd doctor #4th doctor #5th doctor #6th doctor #7th doctor #8th doctor #9th doctor #10th doctor #11th doctor #12th doctor #13th doctor #14th doctor #15th doctor #war doctor #rtd #moffat era #chibnall era #classic dw #nu who #doctor who eu #doctor who meta #doctor who funny #dr who and the daleks #doccy who #doctor who 60th anniversary #ruth doctor #fugitive doctor

[genericpuff]

Wait, what's this about the retconning of Minthe's BPD?

There's a lot you can find on it online as it is (I've talked about it plenty in previous posts as well) so I'm gonna try and keep the explanation brief if that's ok!

Basically it was confirmed ages back that Minthe was initially written with BPD, but that was later retconned and removed. While there's no definitive reason as to why she retconned it, I think it's fairly obvious it's because it wasn't a good look for her to write the character with a very stigmatized and severely misunderstood mental illness who would be 1.) an abuser and 2.) inevitably turned into a plant.

But there's still proof of Minthe having BPD evident in S1 of LO, particularly with Episode 76 which was literally called Splitting.

"Splitting" is a very BPD-specific term, in which an individual with BPD experiences severe mood swings, impulsivity, and difficulty in viewing things outside of a black and white perspective. We actually see Minthe experience splitting, hence the episode title, it's all very intentional.

Minthe is viewing this entire problem as her vs. Hades. And it's not entirely owed to her being self-centered, she shows through her inner monologue that she's very self-aware of the fact that she's being harsh, that much of what happened was due to her own actions, and even blames herself for acting the way that she is but not knowing why. This is very much what splitting can feel like for individuals with BPD (especially undiagnosed BPD!) experiencing splitting - an inability to connect inner rationalizations to outward actions and vice versa, even if you're aware of it and trying to draw that connection.

When this was retconned, it was done specifically by Rachel's mods within her Discord. No other clarification through her socials or through the comic itself was done.

It already wasn't a great look to write a character who was doomed to be villainized with a highly stigmatized mental disorder. It comes across that Rachel only gave her BPD in the first place because she herself had fallen for those misconceptions and went "well if we give her BPD that'll be the reason why she's so mean and nasty all the time, it's the perfect way to make her the obvious bad guy!" But it makes it an even worse look when Rachel bent under the pressure of people discussing how problematic it was (and hoping Minthe would get some kind of redemption which Rachel never planned to give her) and reversed the decision. It really only really made it worse because 1.) you can't retcon out what you clearly intended in the beginning when it's so visibly there (such as through Ep 76) and 2.) it just goes to show that she was never planning on giving Minthe any sort of redemption arc or chance to learn from her actions/heal from her mistakes, she just wanted to use a mental illness she didn't bother to understand or empathize with to make an abuser.

It really just further stigmatizes BPD as a whole because now we only see the absolute nastiest parts often affiliated with BPD (with what remains in the comic pre-retcon) with no closure or resolution or hope for people who either have BPD or want to understand it more.

#lore olympus critical #lo critical #anti lore olympus #antiloreolympus #ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything

[sergeantbuckybarnes]

jealousy, jealousy // ben barnes

Summary: Ben was eager to catch the latest episode of your tv show. However, a surprising scene featuring you and your co-star sparked a heated argument.

Pairing: Ben Barnes x Reader

Word count: 3.6k

Warnings: jealousy, insecurities, angst, implied smut, a bit suggestive at the end but nothing too graphic

A/N: As always, remember English is not my first language. This isn’t proofread, so I apologize for any grammatical errors this may have

main masterlist  |  ben barnes masterlist

It was Friday. 

And that meant it was movie night with your boyfriend.

From the early stages of your relationship, you both established a beautiful tradition of spending Friday evenings in the cozy confines of your apartment, indulging in a delightful combination of film, pizza, and delectable treats.

This tradition had become an unwavering commitment over the past three and a half years— a steadfast ritual that neither of you dared to skip.

Even when circumstances forced you to be apart, such as being away filming, you still respected this tradition. You would connect via Skype or Zoom, syncing up the start of the movie in your respective locations. As the film played out on your screens, you would engage in lively discussions, intertwining conversations about the movie with updates on your day.

You guessed it was one of the things that made your relationship work so well — the commitment and the effort you both put in right from the beginning.

In the early days, your friends warned you that dating another actor would be a recipe for disaster. They believed that the constant filming and conflicting schedules would pose insurmountable challenges, leaving little room for quality time together. But those naysayers couldn't have been more wrong. 

Your relationship with Ben flowed so easily. Of course, there have been setbacks along the way, but you have faced them together. Like a team.

And you have never been happier. 

He understood you on a level that no one else did. He listened to your thoughts, your dreams, and your fears without judgment or interruption. With him, you felt comfortable opening up about anything and everything, knowing that he would always provide a safe space for you to share. He seemed to know your needs before you even expressed them, always anticipating how to make you feel loved and supported. He was attentive, empathetic, and patient, consistently demonstrating that he genuinely cared about your happiness. It was refreshing and exhilarating to actually feel seen and heard. He was everything you had ever wanted in a romantic partner.

Now, going back to your movie night… Things weren’t going the way you expected.

“I thought we could bend the rules a bit tonight,” Ben suggested once you were settled on the couch, pizza at the ready, and Netflix on the screen.

Intrigued yet cautious, you paused your scrolling and fixed your gaze on him. “What do you mean?” you asked, confused, not understanding what he meant.

His arm casually draped over the back of the couch as he got closer to you; his eyes sparkled with mischief, and a mischievous grin played on his lips.

You could tell he was up to no good.

“Maybe we could watch a TV show instead?” he suggested, the innocent tone of his voice didn’t match his face. “Your show. The latest episode aired just yesterday,” he clarified. 

A groan escaped your lips. “Really, Ben? You know I don’t like to see myself on TV.”

But then, he unleashed his puppy dog eyes and his best pout, and you were completely under his spell. 

It was as if his eyes held an invisible power, drawing you closer and coaxing a smile from your lips. Surrender was inevitable; his adorable charm had effortlessly won you over.

You rolled your eyes. “Alright.” You accepted the surrender.

A triumphant grin spread across his face as he pumped his fist in the air, a glimmer of excitement shining in his eyes. He eagerly pulled you closer, wrapping you in his embrace, and planting a tender kiss on your lips.

This was another thing you loved about your boyfriend—how supportive he was of your career. It didn't matter if your roles were small in movies, TV shows, or any project you were part of; he was always genuinely thrilled to see them. He was genuinely proud of every accomplishment you made, no matter how big or small. The sight of his radiant smile as he watched you on-screen never failed to fill you with immense joy. His unwavering support was a constant reminder that you were truly blessed to have him in your life.

You were the same with him. Just as he cheered you on in your acting career, you reciprocated his unwavering support in his. From the smallest role to the most significant breakthrough, you were always there, eagerly anticipating his performances on the big screen. The excitement in your heart swelled as you witnessed his talent come alive, immersing yourself in the characters he portrayed.

You cherished the moments when you saw him on screen—the familiar sound of his voice, the spark in his eyes, and the passion he brought to every role. His talent captivated you, just as it did to countless others. And with each new project he took on, your admiration for his craft grew deeper.

It wasn't just about the successes. You were there for each other during the auditions, the callbacks, and the moments of self-doubt. You provided the other a shoulder to lean on, offering encouragement and reminding each other of your incredible talent when you both needed it most. You understood the industry's ups and downs, and your belief in your abilities never wavered.

“Alright, alright,” you chuckled, gently pushing him back as he started peppering your face with sloppy kisses. “I’ve already agreed; no need for bribes.”

Ben chuckled and planted one last peck on your cheek before settling comfortably on the couch. He grabbed the remote and switched the streaming platform, searching for your show.

The show was called ‘Behind Closed Doors’. It delved into the tumultuous life of Amelia Hartfield, a young woman forced into an unwanted marriage with Sebastian Whitmore, the scion of a wealthy family, all due to dire financial circumstances. Not only did Amelia harbor reservations about this union, but her own sister harbored a forbidden love for her soon-to-be husband and was willing to go to any lengths to eliminate her as a rival. 

As the opening credits rolled on the screen, Ben's leg began to bounce with fervent anticipation.

“Why are you so excited? It’s just me.”

Ben turned to you with a playful grin. “It’s not just you. It’s Amelia and the mess her life is. She was forced to marry a man she doesn’t love, and, in case you haven’t watched the episode from last week, which you haven’t, her sister tried to kill her! If it wasn’t because Sebastian was there, she would be dead!”

You chuckled. “You know she can’t die, right? She’s the main character.”

He playfully rolled his eyes. “Always so humble.”

“Anyways, Sebastian admitted to his friend that his feelings for Amelia are genuine. And guess what? Isabella, Sebastian's childhood friend who secretly harbored feelings for him, overheard his confession. And at the end of the episode, she joined forces with Amelia's sister to hatch a sinister plan to end Amelia's life.”

You found it amusing how he narrated the story as if you weren't already familiar with every twist and turn.

“I think you got yourself too invested in this show,” you chuckled, attempting to snatch the remote from his grasp. “You’re starting to take this to another level.”

“No, no. I promise I won’t get too caught up! I promise!” He gripped your waist tightly, and you couldn’t help but laugh at his childish antics.

Gently extracting yourself from his tight grasp, you managed to retrieve the remote from his hand and playfully held it out of his reach. “Alright, Mr. Overly Enthusiastic, let's watch the episode. But you better behave, or I’ll turn it off.”

Ben's eyes sparkled with mischief as he feigned innocence. “I always behave. I promise to keep my reactions in check.”

You settled back on the couch, leaning against Ben's side as he draped his arm around your shoulder.

As the episode unfolded, you started to regret agreeing to watch it. You remember filming it. At the end, your character, Amelia, and Sebastian, who was portrayed by Bill Skarsgård, laid bare their emotions and consummated their desires in a rather explicit manner, devoid of any subtle undertones.

Both being actors, you and Ben came up with a mutual agreement to disclose whenever a steamy scene was to be filmed. This arrangement was born out of a desire to fortify the foundation of trust between you both. And so, even if it is acted, no one wants to see their partner being intimate with someone else. You both have followed this rule for years, but for some reason, you forgot to mention this scene to Ben. And you knew it was going to lead to an awkward and uncomfortable moment, and, quite possibly, into a fight you didn't want to have.

It was too late to turn it off now.

As the scene unfolded on the screen, a knot formed in your stomach. You could sense the tension building, knowing that the explicit nature of the scene would undoubtedly make things awkward between you and Ben. Your gaze discreetly darted towards him, studying his reactions with keen interest.

At first, he appeared engrossed in the storyline, his eyes fixated on the screen. But as the scene progressed, his expression shifted, and you could see a flicker of discomfort in his eyes. His grip on your shoulder tightened ever so slightly, and you knew he had realized the nature of the scene.

A whirlwind of emotions swept through your mind. On one hand, you empathized with Ben's potential unease, realizing that you would feel the same if the roles were reversed. On the other hand, a pang of guilt pierced your heart for neglecting to give him a heads-up about the explicit content. You desperately wanted to shield him from any unnecessary discomfort.

When the episode ended, you reached for the remote and turned off the TV. Swallowing your own apprehension, you took a deep breath and mustered up the courage to address the situation. “Honey... I'm sorry. I should have told you about this scene beforehand. It completely slipped my mind.”

Ben's face remained impassive, his gaze deliberately averted from yours as he digested your words. A heavy silence settled between you, filled with unspoken tension. The air in the room suddenly felt thick, and you could sense his growing frustration.

Finally, he let out a sigh and turned to face you, his expression tinged with disappointment. “You should have told me, Y/N. We made a promise, remember? To always let each other know about intimate scenes in our projects. I thought we had each other's backs.”

Guilt washed over you as his words sank in. He was right. You had broken the agreement you both had made, and now you were facing the consequences of that oversight. You had let him down, and the weight of your mistake hung heavily in the room.

“I know, Ben,” you said, your voice filled with remorse. “I messed up, and I'm truly sorry. It was an oversight on my part, but I truly forgot. I understand why you're upset, and I want you to know that I didn't do it intentionally. I value our trust, and I don't want to jeopardize it.”

Ben's gaze softened slightly, but his disappointment was still evident. “Trust is important to me, Y/N. It's the foundation of our relationship, both on and off the screen,” he expressed, his voice carrying a tinge of sorrow. “When we made that agreement, it was about ensuring that we never had to see each other being intimate with someone else. It's not just about the physical act, but the emotional impact it can have.” 

For a brief moment, you thought this would be solved without an argument, but then he spoke again.

“I mean, do you think it was fun for me watching you naked, moaning under Bill Skarsgård while you seemed to actually enjoy it?”

“Actually enjoy it? Are you serious right now?” You raised your voice, your body heating up with anger. “I can't believe you would even suggest that I found any pleasure in that scene,” you fired back, your frustration seeping into your words. “As an actor, it's my job to portray the character and the emotions they go through. Just because it looked intimate on screen doesn't mean it was enjoyable for me. You, of all people, should understand this. It was a professional commitment, and I take my work seriously.”

Your heart raced with a mix of anger and hurt. You had always been open and honest with each other, but this situation was testing the boundaries of trust and understanding. The fact that Ben would question your commitment to the relationship and your professionalism stung deeply.

“Oh, so I’m the problem now? I’m the one overreacting?”

You let out an exasperated sigh. “That’s not what I said. Are you even listening to me?”

“I’m listening. And you’re acting as if it’s okay that you filmed this and didn’t tell me about it.”

“I’ve already told you that I forgot!”

“It’s a sex scene, Y/N! How on earth does something like that just slip your mind?” His body tensed, and he began pacing the living room, intensifying the already charged atmosphere.

The room crackled with mounting tension as Ben's frustration reached its peak. His restless footsteps reverberated, amplifying his exasperation. The sheer force of his anger seemed to permeate the air, causing a tumult of emotions to swirl within you.

“I mean, come on, Y/N,” Ben continued, his frustration evident in his voice. “Bill Skarsgård is like every woman's fantasy. He's tall, handsome, and let's not forget those intense blue eyes of his. It's no wonder women all over the world swoon over him.”

You crossed your arms, annoyance bubbling up inside you. “Are you seriously comparing yourself to Bill? Is that what this is about? You being jealous?”

Ben stopped in his tracks, his eyes narrowing as he glanced at you. “You can't deny that he’s attractive, can you? I mean, let's be real here. He's a Hollywood heartthrob, and women drool over him.”

“Don’t make this about Bill or any other external factors. This is between you and me. I'm committed to you, and my love and dedication for you don't waver just because I have to portray intimate scenes on screen.”

“Is it just an intimate scene, or there’s more to it, Y/N?” Ben's frustration seemed to dissipate slightly, replaced by a hint of vulnerability in his eyes. He paused for a moment before speaking again, his voice softer this time. “You and Bill have spent a lot of time together on set, and it's natural for connections to form. Do you think he sees you solely as a friend and co-star?”

You let out a heavy breath, recognizing the depth of his insecurities. “Ben, I understand why you might have these concerns, but I want to assure you that my relationship with Bill is strictly professional. We work together, we act together, but that's where it ends. Just as I have complete trust in you, I expect the same trust from you. Accusing me of having feelings for Bill based on a scene we filmed is unfair.”

Your words hung in the air, the weight of the situation becoming more apparent. The room fell into silence as both of you processed the intensity of the argument. You could see the conflict in Ben's eyes—a battle between his insecurities and his love for you.

He let out a frustrated sigh, his voice laced with desperation. “I know it's irrational, but I can't help but imagine all the things that could happen on set. You think I haven’t seen the comments of people praising your chemistry? Emotions can get blurred. It scares me, Y/N.”

Tears welled up in your eyes as you listened to your boyfriend’s words. You had never seen him like this before, vulnerable and scared. It broke your heart to see the person you loved so deeply consumed by jealousy and fear.

Drawing nearer to him, you reached out and gently took his hand in yours, hoping to offer him some comfort. “Honey, I understand that it's natural to feel insecure sometimes, especially in our line of work. But you have to trust me when I say that my heart belongs to you and you alone. There is no one else who holds the place you do in my life.”

Ben's grip on your hand tightened, and his gaze met yours, searching for reassurance.

“Ben, you are more than enough for me, and I love you with all my heart. I chose you, and I choose you every single day. I want to build a future with you, and nothing will ever change that,” you continued, your voice filled with sincerity. “I can't control what others say or the fantasies they may have, but I can assure you that my feelings for you are unwavering. I'm committed to our relationship, and I want us to face any challenges together. If you ever feel insecure or have concerns, I'm here to listen and support you.”

Tears trickled down Ben's cheeks as he listened to your heartfelt words. The weight of his insecurities seemed to lessen, replaced by a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“I'm sorry, my love,” he whispered, his voice filled with remorse. “I let my fears get the best of me, and I allowed them to cloud my judgment.”

You gently brushed away his tears, your touch soothing. “We all have moments of insecurity, and it's okay. What matters is that we address them and work through them together.”

Ben nodded, his eyes filled with love and relief. “I never want to lose you, Y/N,” he admitted with a shaky voice. “You're my everything.”

“And you're mine,” you whispered before pulling him into a warm embrace.

A sensation of calm rushed through you as you held each other tight. At that moment, the world seemed to melt away, leaving only the two of you in a cocoon of serenity.

“Besides,” you began as you stepped back, “Bill doesn’t stand a chance next to you.”

“And why’s that?” He asked, raising an eyebrow, his voice tinged with curiosity.

“Well, by now, you should already be aware that I like my men with floppy dark hair, beautiful dark eyes, and, most importantly… British.”

A soft chuckle escaped Ben's lips, his eyes twinkling with delight. “Ah, so it's the accent that does it for you, huh?”

You nodded, playfully poking his side. “Absolutely. It's impossible to resist.”

He pulled you closer, his arms enveloping you in a warm embrace. “Well, lucky for me, I happen to possess that irresistible quality. Though, I must warn you, it can be quite addictive.”

A genuine smile blossomed on your face, the warmth of the moment washing over you. “Yes, you definitely do.”

Ben’s lips drew closer to yours, the warmth of his breath brushed against your cheek, causing your heart to quicken in response. With a gentle touch, his lips grazed yours, leaving behind a tantalizing blend of mint and his unmistakable essence, intoxicating your senses.

Breaking the kiss, you couldn't resist the mischievous grin that crept onto your lips.

“Oh, and have I mentioned what an exceptional kisser you are? You certainly have a way with it,” you playfully teased, wiggling your eyebrows suggestively. 

A chuckle escaped him, his cheeks turning a shade of crimson. “You're really boosting my ego here, sweetheart.”

“Just stating the facts... Oh, and should I also mention your incredible skill with your hands, like—”

He cut you off, closing the gap between you again. His lips molding perfectly against yours, as if they were made for each other. And in a surge of fervor, the kiss deepened, growing more passionate and filled with intensity.

Your fingers traced the contours of his face, while his touch ignited a fire within you, sending shivers down your spine.

With a swift motion, Ben's strong arms enveloped your thighs, effortlessly lifting you off the ground. You eagerly wrapped your legs around his waist, feeling an exhilarating surge of warmth and electricity pass between you. His hand tightened its grip on your body as your kiss intensified, and your fingers instinctively tangled themselves in his hair. A soft moan escaped his lips as you tugged gently on his silky locks.

Reluctantly, you broke the kiss, your foreheads lightly brushing. Both of you were left breathless, but your hearts overflowed with contentment. The worries and insecurities that had clouded your conversation melted away.

“I love you,” he breathed, his words melting against your lips.

“I love you too, Ben,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. “You mean the world to me.”

He lowered you back to the ground, but his arms remained securely wrapped around you. 

“Wanna watch that movie like we originally planned?”

Your boyfriend shook his head. “I have other ideas in mind.”

You noticed the glint of mischief sparking in his onyx eyes. 

“Oh, and what would those ideas be?” You inquired, playing along.

A devilish smile played on his lips as he leaned in, planting a trail of kisses on your neck. The intensity of his touch awakened a fiery passion within you.

“You, in bed, naked, under me… and on top of me. In any position…No limits, no boundaries. Just pure, unadulterated pleasure,” he murmured, his voice low and husky against your ear.

Heat flushed through your body. Your heart pounded in your chest, sending a thrilling shiver down your spine at the mere sound of his words. The rush of excitement that overwhelmed you was intoxicating.

"Sounds like a perfect plan to me," you whispered, your voice filled with desire.

He lifted you effortlessly into his arms again, and carried you toward the bedroom where passion consumed both of you for the rest of the night.

#ben barnes #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes imagine #ben barnes x you #ben barnes x y/n #ben barnes fanfic #ben barnes fic #ben barnes one shot

[goodbyeapathy8]

Spoilers for Legend of ShenLi (与凤行, Yu Feng Xing native title) episode 26 below.

I had a sudden realization, watching the painful nail pulling scene and how Xingzhi reached out in awe at ShenLi's phoenix feathers.

I legitimately don't remember Xingzhi telling her that she's beautiful?? (This is NOT a bad thing, keep reading lol)

And if he did say it, it had to have been in passing.

But there's no actual doubt that XZ thinks the world of SL, especially as we get closer to the end. In fact, we can tell that he's always admired her (even as a ben ji aka silly chicken LOL).

Even regarding XZ himself, I don't remember SL talking about his aesthetics. It was always about his abilities and morals/ethics.

When you think about it, this is quite unusual. *Especially* for a xianxia. Because, specific to the xianxia genre, there are gods and other immortal beings and there's usually an emphasis on their beauty as "otherworldly". They're not humans, they can't be, because no human is impossibly beautiful/handsome like they are.

TW : bit of eating disorder/body dysmorphia discussion below

This is probably why I was subconsciously able to enjoy the drama more. It's actually been a few years since I've watched a Cdrama and a large part of it has been the changing "trend" in what actors but particularly actresses look like.

Every year, it seemed like they were getting skinnier and skinnier. I started comparing myself and honestly feeling like shit, the more dramas I watched.

And then of course being nonbinary, the actors were no better in terms of body dysmorphia. Most of them are equally as skinny BUT also muscular, with visible abs etc etc.

While Lin Gengxin isn't fat by any means, his body type is certainly not what's been seen lately in Chinese actors.

I also love that Jackie Li was cast as the Luotian Goddess. Representation truly matters.

Last but not least - although ShenLi *loves* to eat, not once was there mention of "you're gonna get fat". Not sure if many people have noticed but it's common enough in Cdramas. If a character likes to eat, someone around them will inevitably scold or tease them about becoming big/fat.

Honestly, it was wonderful to see eating scenes that didn't trigger me or stress me out. And it's unfortunate that this type of handling is rare (in Kdramas as well).

In fact, these were some of the most wholesome eating scenes (in addition to the lack of mentioning weight/appearance). There's a genuine joy from XZ when he cooks for her and when he sees her eating the foods he's made. SL is impressed from the first snack he makes for her, during her chicken days, and his cooking is partly why SL spares the sickly mortal Xingyun (LOL she's so food motivated).

Anyway, another appreciative ramble about SL as I rewatch.

#与凤行 #the legend of shenli #the legend of shen li #lin gengxin #zhao liying #xing zhi #cdrama #Phoenix drama thoughts

[silviakundera]

DRAMA REC: So I feel like any real review of Thai drama Moonlight Chicken is hard without heavy spoilers because honestly I don't know how to talk about what makes me passionate about it without discussing all the character relevations that occur over the course of its 8 episodes. I'll try to be generic as much as I can.

The thing about why it's hard to discuss without spoilers is that the characters and their full baggage are revealed slowly episode by episode, because like in real life you often learn about new friends & love interests slowly as intimacy deepens...

But from what I can see online, it's very subjective for viewers - depends on the person if they find these themes and personal challenges compelling or not. This doesn't fit with the typical "BL asian drama" format.

My personal viewing stake: There's an otp that has TAKEN OVER MY BRAIN. I have been searching for this energy ever since finishing Lighter & Princess. Gotta confess that I couldn't care less about the second couple who are teenagers. Apparently MDL and a lot of tumblr only liked the teen couple (valid!), but I just skipped over them mostly because when my brain locks in on Real Adults with Adult Problems I often cease to connect to high school student storylines. But the age gap couple with a 39 year old character who is FEELING his age... Jim & Wen. I've watched all 8 episodes now and they are like cocaine to me.

Ep 1 setup: We're not in Bangkok! (gasp) Jim is almost-40 and runs a late night diner in the less upscale part of town. Wen, about 10 years younger, is drunk at his diner as he's trying to close for the night. They pick up on the unspoken signals, instant electric connection, and end up wandering back to Jim's place and having what looks like fantastic sex together (without exchanging names).

But then after that first night, in the remaining 7 ep of the show you get a slowburn build up from zero as Jim doesn't want a relationship - with anyone. This is truly, sincerely a 'it's not you, it's me" situation. He is mired in baggage and the angst is SO DELICIOUS to me. Angst and soft hand touches and late night conversation. There's YEARNING. SO MUCH YEARNING.

And then my darling Wen! Who brings almost the same energy as the Lighter and Princess FL. @dangermousie I never thought I'd see this irrepressible determination and tender, good humored patience again! He is deeply sure that there is something special here with Jim and is unrelenting about trying to scale Jim's walls. I know that sounds like psychotic SML material lmao but it's all about the tone and context. It's very clear that Jim is allowing Wen in his life and doesn't, deep down, want Wen to give up on him. He's damaged and scared but I always felt he wants Wen to be right - that they are falling in love and can build something real together. He just can't make himself take that step. I mean, in their 2nd meeting he is EQUALLY INSANE to agree that it's v normal and hinged behavior to let his 1 night stand start randomly showing up to work shifts at his diner as 'temp staff' he can't afford to pay because... um. Basically to stalk him? idk I don't think it's stalking when u have a mutual agreement?? 🤔

Wen falling deeper into Jim and KNOWING the feeling is mutual no matter how many times he's (so gently!) pushed back... can be sooooo personal. 😭😭😭 The vibes of this "we're Not Together™" but it's inevitable, I'm just waiting for the timing to be right... reminiscent of the last 10 episodes of Lighter & Princess. This building intimacy and tenderness that stretches on until as a viewer you feel like... They ARE in love, they're together but just without the sex. They just have to stabilize their lives first before committing whole-heartedly. THE BITTERSWEET PINGING. (screams)

One thing I've observed is many people seem to struggle to connect with Jim's character. The closest thing we have to a protagonist (?) Maybe. Anyway, I suspect it might be a generational thing. I found the drama incredibly compelling, but I grew up queer in the 80s and 90s. I'm well into my 40s, a bit older than Jim, but I think the generational queer experience overlaps pretty well considering the sociopolitical differences btw us/thailand.

The screenwriter is an older out gay man, so I presume that's also a factor in how he did a pitch-perfect depiction of Jim's struggles to find home.

Wen has his own baggage that feels very real and raw. I loved his storyline because I could personally relate to it also from my queer relationship experience.

I've blabbered on here before about how I feel like there's something different about queer stories being told to other queers, not targeted to straight viewers primarily - I'm not saying it's better than the big brands and popular international media including lgbt rep. It's just different imo and I do think it's valuable. I want to see stories about the complexities of the experience & about the gay community that can't just be mapped to straight people. Where the story would not feel the same if you flipped the sexualities. That's what Midnight Chicken was to me: the characters of Jim and Wen and their personal development & slow love story together felt very queer and the age gap was a relevant part of this. And that called to me. I could recognize parts of myself in them and my personal experiences as a gay woman.

I was impressed by the writing. Strong acting. The directing of individual scenes is excellent BUT the 1 big flaw is the editing. Very amateur, super abrupt scene changes! Just jarring. But whatever, I've seen some terrible editing in cdramas too. Also note the storytelling tactic is to show a series of meaningful moments & interactions over like 6-8 months of time. Events progress in ways we don't always see and it's not always spelled out to the audience, everything that happened since we last saw them. That may or may not work for the viewer.

[Plus there's a very sweet & wholesome teen love story that also gets a happy ending, if you're into that. One of the teens is deaf and there's no "cure the disability" nonsense, don't worry. I was adult-focused but I did appreciate the complicated family relationship subplot with Jim trying to caretake his nephew and their relationship to the mostly-absent sister.]

ok so now into spoiler territory. Letting the relevations come out organically would be a much better viewing experience BUT...

SPOILERS ON JIM & WEN BACKSTORY

Jim's whole deal is he had a big love in his late 20s-early 30s that fucked him up good. He grew up being told gay love isn't real, leaves his rural farming town with his sister in their teens, disconnected from his family... But even his sister, who loves him, had the perspective that it's Just A Phase. Jim expects to Prove Them Wrong. Then his boyfriend cheats on him.... With a woman. Activate that generation's internalized homophobia and self-doubt. And then before he gets to truly confront his partner, his partner dies in an accident. So he never gets resolution.

And he's stuck under a mountain of debt, on the edge of poverty because he didn't get any of the guy's assets when he died of course. No rights under Thai law. Partner's family takes it all but the old car & the cat. All he has is the small chicken rice shop they had bought and ran together and it's killing him, he both hates and loves it. He's this amazing member of the local community but doesn't see himself and his own worth clearly.

Wen is working through the guilt of falling out of love from his 1st gay relationship that lasted 5 years of his 20s. Broken up but still living together. Trying to stay in each other's lives (I've seen this a lot, because in small gay communities you don't just cut ties with good people you care about). But living together is toxic for both of them, despite the real care that's there.

He also feels disconnected from a community at the start. He has work collegues, all straight friends, and his now-ex boyfriend. But you get the subtle sense that his local ties are all with the boyfriend Alan's family and mutual friends with Alan who don't all know about the breakup yet and he doesn't know how to interface with them anymore now that he and Alan aren't the same. He's the one who fell out of love, so he's "the bad guy" here and the straight friend he tries to talk to about trying to co-habititate with his ex and stay close friends doesn't really get it, because that's just way more typical behavior for older generation queers - it's notable that when the situation is fully explained to Jim, he doesn't seem to find it bizarre at all (as said, I've gone through that myself, and known friends in that situation; found that subplot to be very well done.) (I read that many viewers were disappointed this wasn't a standard infidelity situation where Wen is just regular cheating on Alan, but I have to say that I feel the opposite. The subplot and how it played out felt very relatable to me. I didn't need a cheating angst plotline in this drama that could be transplanted into a straight drama. I wanted more stories that represented my lived experience as an adult lesbian, and Wen's narrative gave me that.)

Wen keeps searching for a home even while living with Alan and having loved him in the past. Which to me was a sign that he'd moved to this smaller city, living in Alan's condo and in Alan's life with Alan's extended family... He started eating beef because Alan did and following along. He doesn't know where HE feels at home, what Wen needs to be comfortable and happy. When he more & more starts to believe he can make this home with Jim, he's determined to make it happen.

#really long post #agonizingly long meta #sorry to my mutuals #ily 😘😘😘 #drama review #drama recommendation #midnight series: moonlight chicken #jimwen #moonlight chicken

[drdemonprince]

I know people got angry about the "talking about caffeine like any other drug" thing but I think it's so helpful not just to discuss the arbitrary lines between legal and illegal substances but also for informed consent purposes *with* caffeine itself. For example my use of alcohol has changed drastically since reading Unmasking Autism because I didn't realize I was only able to interact with allistics in the context of relaxed social rules when everybody was drinking. Now that I have that information my decisions around it are much different (basically using alcohol only when I *want* to get the feelings it gives me, and when I have to interact with people using other coping strategies instead).

I can't quit caffeine right now, but I might reduce its use in the future and only use it when I want that caffeinated feeling and not to keep up with work like I do now. Which I didn't even think about before, precisely because even though I rationally knew it was a drug I never thought of it as a "drug-drug".

Yo yessss thank you!!! Informed consent means being fully apprised of the risks and benefits of a substance, and having the freedom to choose when to use it. Currently, very few of us enjoy that level of empowered freedom with just about any substance that we use.

Our doctors don't tell us about all the risks of the drugs we are on (I'm still bitter as hell nobody told me that my muscle development would be stunted by going on hormonal birth control at 18!!! and that it would give me lasting breast growth), and the substances that are not medically prescribed but legal are ones that many of us quaff without thought, and without ever being told the effects of. For instance, did you know prolonged use of Benadryl increases the risk of developing Alzheimers??? I didn't! and i was using that shit to fall asleep and regulate anxiety for a time!!

In the United States in particular there is no open conversation with young people about the potential effects of alcohol, how the drug can act like a mild stimulant in smaller doses but then ricochet into massively depressing effects after hours of use, with an anxiety spike hours beyond that as it leaves the system. We don't talk to people about the effects of caffeine -- and that it's not necessarily normal for so many people to deal with daily gastric issues, trouble falling asleep, trouble sitting still, and intense irritability all day long as presently do.

Some people are just like that, some people have anxiety disorders and benefit from anti-anxiety meds to treat those symptoms, some people find ways of coping with it that involve mindfulness or meditation or whatever else -- but a great number of people who experience these issues are only going through them because they're on caffeine and they're working too hard. And what they've come to believe is an inevitable part of their chemistry is in fact economically and socially created from the outside, and could be prevented if they were only able to stop.

but many of them can't stop. because of capitalism. and so they aren't informed about the real risks & costs of the substances they are using, and they aren't freely able to revoke their (dubious) consent.

meanwhile as someone who only started using weed regularly about a year and a half ago and who is now curious about trying psychedelics, ive been lovingly inundated in helpful tips, usage guides, listings of various strains and their distinct effects, lab results testing doses, etc from the people I know who are passionate about those substances and want to ensure that anybody else using them has a good time.

I don't want to paint these substances with a pollyannaish brush either -- weed can trigger hallucinations and psychotic episodes in some segments of the population, a fact that too many ardent weed heads ignore -- but the difference in the level of control I have over my experience as a weed user and the utter lack of information and self-determination I have when seeking out prescribed meds, or even ingesting caffeine, is unreal.

So many foods covertly contain caffeine or openly are caffeinated yet don't document how many milligrams of the substance it has, for example. It's impossible to safely and responsibly use a substance when you don't even know how much you're getting, and it's bizarre we're all being dosed with stimulants all day long often without even realizing it.

this might seem like a low-importance example, and people will say to me dismissively that caffeine doesn't ruin any lives, but when I look back on how much I've used the substance to further my eating disorder and how many people i've been short and cruel-tempered with over the years because i was downing cups and cups of the stuff all day without reflection, i'm not sure i believe that argument.

but of course all roads in this conversation lead back to capitalism. i wouldnt have been drinking this stuff with abandon if i hadn't been trying to shove three days of work into a single 8 hours, and if my culture and economic system hadn't been foisting the stuff on me from day one.

my uncle says that i was always a deeply anxious kid, i guess it was something that my grandmother fretted about as well, and yet when i decided in my teens to start boosting that anxiety with caffeine every day, and became even more moody and negative, nobody connected the dots, and nobody thought to warn me. and why would they, nobody warned them.

[darkdisrepair]

cr3e45 meta: the witches, fcg, and ludinus

HERE WE ARE the meta as promised. i will preface this by saying i had a wacky dream last night where laudna and imogen held hands the entire rest of the episode so do with that what you will

of course i usually center the discussion around imogen but we'll also be looking at a few other things too!

topics: fcg, imogen, and humanity | fearne and imogen | laudna and imogen

fcg, imogen, and humanity

one of the best parts of the episode was fcg being able to gain some understanding of his origins- that he was meant to be a harmonious automaton at first, and then was later changed to be more violent

i think fcg needed that comfort, in knowing he wasn't "bred" to kill. i think that's something that's been weighing on them for a while, especially because the BIG moments in their backstory were about hurting their friends-

because it's easy to forget all the good things you do, when a lot of it is bad. fcg forgets that he brought fearne back to life, who then saved orym. they have walked through imogen's dreams with her, as a comfort.

they have done so many good things- and yet it took an academic, with that strength of knowledge, to convince fcg of what imogen in particular has been trying to tell them all along:

everyone has the chance to be good. your past doesn't mean anything, because it can't change- but your present can.

it's harder to accept that you do have control. it's easier to let things happen to you, let other people "tell" you what to think or to do- but really living means that you embrace that burden knowing that's what life means. to choose, and to make mistakes, and to take ownership of that.

it's a beautiful message. and for the professor to tell fcg that he was beautiful, and unique- fcg has only ever been a spectacle to most people. but to be told- i see you, and you are wonderful even though you are flawed- ugh.

just so good. so, so good.

and what's particularly striking in this episode is how starkly it's opposed by the other knowledge the group gains:

that the exaltants, and the ruidusborn, really don't have very much control. no matter what they choose, it seems that their path toward ruidus is inevitable.

pushing forward- choosing to learn, to grow- only results in studies that can't continue because the ethics are shady, of otohan going rogue because she wants to know more, of liliana running away from her daughter-

where fcg's journey with being human is learning to find the way into the light- imogen is learning what it means to be human, and hurt no matter how hard you try not to be.

and that's just such a heartbreaking path to be on- because where is the hope for her? where along this journey is she going to get any information that doesn't feel like a horrible revelation?

yes, she's an exaltant- which is something so unique and special- but the source of all her recent anguish- otohan, and by extension her mother- are both exaltants too.

she keeps getting pushed and pushed into all this anger and explosive power and dreams she can't control and god it's so devastating. she wants so badly to be loved, and learn what it means to know herself and love herself- just like fcg- but ever since she got her powers, really, she's been hurt by her own mind, her own body, her own family.

fearne and imogen

three cheers for ashley johnson, for this episode and the last of us and just the queen she is-

but specifically, in this episode i got the confirmation that i've been suspecting- that fearne is really also trying to lean into what it means to feel, and to experience things outside the feywild, by helping her friends.

she has been so beautifully in tune with laudna and imogen, specifically, and part of it might be guilt but also part of it is i think she's coming into her own, and realizing what it means to love people, and care about them.

she's so, so smart. ashley, and fearne, that is- pushing the envelope with ludinus, trying to get the answers that they want, in her own fey way, innocent and so smart.

and when ludinus leaves- she's so in tune with imogen's emotions. the "are you okays" were so gentle and just so aware in a way that fearne in the first 20-30 episodes would never have been. asking imogen repeatedly even though she said yes the first time-

because imogen isn't okay, and fearne is starting to pick up on that. she's already been trying to get imogen to talk about her new powers, but i think witnessing imogen being taunted by ludinus, hearing liliana's name, seeing the answers to imogen's dreams (and their joint identity of being ruidusborn) being whisked away and being unable to do anything-

she knows. she knows that it hurts because hasn't she felt this before, too? her parents, betraying her in many ways? doesn't she know the anger, and the devastation, of finding out that you, their child, doesn't mean anything compared to the grand schemes that your parents are up to?

and it had been imogen, then, that told her it was alright to be angry, to be mean and rude-

and now, i feel like fearne is returning that grace that imogen gave her, but in her own way- it's okay to fall apart. it's okay to be sad and grieve the life you wanted.

i'm so glad that they're both building connections outside of their original connections- fearne and imogen, laudna and fcg.

laudna and imogen

this will be briefer but i loved the moments of protectiveness we got from laudna. we got traces of it earlier with silvery barbs in the previous episodes but imogen and laudna care so much about each other.

it's good to see that, even without talking, they haven't stopped paying attention to each other. it goes to show- you can be friends with someone without talking to them all the time. you can process your shared trauma separately, without that meaning you don't care.

i think they're starting to be ready to talk about it together. there have been glimpses, i think, where laudna has started to realize that you can get secondary trauma by being in someone else's, and i think that's a good realization for both of them.

and she seems ready to talk? at least i think so? and i think time at grandma's house (though unsettling) seems like it will be a great opportunity for a slow down in the story, at least kind of.

OH AND: the "did he do anything to you?" and "no, he just talked"- but i think with imogen, words have always hurt so much more than physical pain.

the knowledge- "she was right, you do look like your mother."

is so much worse. otohan and liliana. liliana and otohan. coworkers, at the minimum, test subjects together- what else is there?

i think this campaign NEEDS a pause, pacing wise, for the characters' sanities. i think imogen in particular (and not even just because she's my favorite) needs time to process things- because if she doesn't i can really see it getting into dangerous mental health territory for her. which i will probably talk about in another meta ;)

if you've made it this far i commend you for that- i'm sorry for the word vomit!

#critical role #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #critical role meta #cr meta #campaign 3 #campaign 3 meta #imogen temult #imogen temult meta #laudna #fearne calloway #imodna #fresh cut grass #fresh cut grass meta #cr fearne

[lunar-years]

royKeeleys really were done incredibly dirty so I do feel bad. but a lot of stuff I see people say about them or how the show shorted them just does not make sense to me lol.

(I also felt like him kneeling was never a sign that the show was taking his knee problems seriously and that it was a Big Deal he was kneeling. They bring it up and then immediately forget about it over and over. One day he can’t run or walk up stairs, the next he’s running miles upon miles with Jamie)

YEAH!! I think I might be in the minority in that while I did/do love roykeeley in season 2 and in general, I was actually kind of hoping for a breakup when I went into s3 and I wasn't at all sad when it happened 🫢 To me, this was something that actually was foreshadowed at the end of s2, so much so that it almost felt... inevitable? There were so many cracks there and the breakup kind of felt necessary. The problem was that they never went anywhere good with it.

So while I definitely agree that their arc was done dirty, I disagree with a lot of the reasons people like to list for HOW they were done dirty (e.g., the writers were wrong simply for breaking them up, it was mean to tease them sleeping together only to not have them immediately back together the next episode, Roy was supposed to propose/keeley was supposed to be pregnant 🤢, Keeley's arc was bad for the exclusive reason that it didn't revolve around Roy, etc.)

The biggest problems with s3 roykeeley were actually (imo):

breaking them up should have been the conduit for individual growth and addressing the personal issues that led to the break up for BOTH of them, but then they only tried to go that route with Roy whilst actually making Keeley REGRESS and never directly acknowledging, let alone resolving, any of her problems

roy's apology was non-specific if not downright Bad i'm sorry; he never tells Keeley why he broke up with her in any meaningful way

they never got the really good conversation i wanted to them to have (and feel their storyline desperately needed & deserved) about where they went wrong/how they're trying to fix it

too much happened offscreen. I think the offscreen breakup would've been fine if they'd then followed it up with the above bullet points, but you can't have an offscreen breakup that's then never discussed and is followed by an offscreen hookup followed by one conversation that gets interrupted before it even really begins. like what WAS that??

The breakup alone wasn't the problem! them not getting back together also wasn't the problem! it's just that none of it was done purposefully enough and Keeley's individual arc sucked bad

//

That's such an interesting perspective on Roy's knee stuff!! I don't think I really share that complaint, because I think it's easy enough to assume that some days his knee is really a Problem and other days it's mostly fine. He's never going to be able to keep up a professional athlete's level of activity again, but I really like that they show him running with Jamie. I think it highlights that their training is something that's good for both of them, because Roy is definitely the sort to forgo his physical therapy and not take care of himself. But I assume that keeping active actually helps him on the days when it's a struggle to say, go up the stairs. And they do show that he can't quite keep up with Jamie and gets exhausted much quicker.

So i dunno, I don't think the show is ignoring his problems, so much setting a balance between "Roy suffers chronic knee problems due to repeated injuries" and "he also is learning to take better care of himself and let other people help him so that the injury no longer has to dictate his life."

(okay editing to add: in rereading your first sentence on it I actually think i do agree with you, lmao. I just wasn't fully understanding at first. Yeah the writers FOR SURE weren't consciously thinking Roy Kneeling = a Sign That He Cares Extra About Keeley because it Hurts His Knee but he's willing to Endure The Pain just for her. which is how some people spin it, lmao. "Roy only kneels for Keeley wow he's so brave and in love!!" Like, no? ...sometimes the man just kneels?)

#roy kent #ted lasso #asks #roykeeley #keeley jones

[winthorntales]

Femslash Friday: Couples That Never Were But Should Have Been Vol. 3

It's no surprise to me that Jemma and Daisy/Skye is already a known ship (maybe even popular as far as non-canons go.) So I don’t think I need to discuss how much these two, aesthetically alone, just make sense. 

But I do want to point out that the canon for AoS being what is when it comes to Jemma/Fitz, this FSF post will first focus on one character, who should have at least been a WLW (woman-lovin’ woman a.k.a. sapphic-inclined - pick any orientation label you’d like for that.)

Daisy shoulda been into chicks, y’all. If not to be with Jemma, then to be with some damn body because I needed to see all of her badass femme!top-seme-realness reach its glory.

Jemma is clearly deep in with Fitz when Daisy’s sapphic vibes peak (meaning all her male love interests are dead and she’s focusing on being solo dolo).

My heart would’ve equally, if not more so, melted if we could’ve at least gotten some young adorkable hacker lesbian with the personality of Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds on the team. She could’ve taken over the former Skye’s role as the web-wiz of the group. 

And then these two sapphos could’ve competed against Jemma/Fitz for most adorable couple ever on AoS before Yoyo/Mack even came into existence.

absolutely played by the enchantingly cute Taylor Russell, right? I mean, right?

*lovelorn sigh* .......After getting (emotionally-wounded-and-closed-off) S3/S4-Daisy to open up, let the guard down a bit and return to her normal self some, Daisy and Adorkable Hacker Girl could first bond over hacking and swap stories about their backgrounds as outcasts. Daisy’s being because she was an orphan, Adorkable Hacker Girl’s being because perhaps she was severely neglected and abused by a family whose idea of love was three square meals a day and a slap instead of a fist some days. 

This could lead to conversations about what defines family and revelations about how AHG sees herself as weak compared to Daisy because she has this aversion to violence and could never stand up to her family, stand up for herself or the siblings she cared about. She instead ran away and erased herself from the world by becoming this shape-shifting entity on the internet, which fills her with shame.

Then Daisy could try to teach her how to fight in a very private intimate setting as a way of encouraging her and protecting her from feeling embarrassed, letting her learn at her own pace. Of course, AHG doesn't let on about her traumatic past with violence and goes along with the training because she appreciates the gesture and wants to be close to Daisy. And of course, there comes a point when it all becomes overwhelming. At this point, when AHG shuts down and wants to quit, Daisy realizes, the hard way, that this approach to helping her overcome her aversion was a mistake all along because literally not knowing how to throw a punch is not actually the root of her problem. She could either find out what that root problem is through talking to her or dig through her past with the ole hacker skills and piece it together or do a combination of both.

She’ll go on to rescue AHG from violent ambushes by SHIELD enemies and comfort her later, when she feels like crap for freezing up or freaking out when the team needed her. Then what must follow is the inevitable episode where AHG does something brave without using violence, gets results and a near fatal injury in the process, which will lead to a bedside scene where the girl smiles through the pain and says “I just wanted to be strong like you for once.” 

And then Daisy, sitting next to her in bed and holding her hand with interlocked fingers, will kiss her hand and say “you’re stronger” and with tears sliding down, Daisy will kiss her forehead and---well, you get it, you get it. 

Now, let’s circle back to the idea of Jemma as our sapphic-inclined Daisy’s main love interest. 

As much as I love love love Fitz....his and Jemma's whole universe keeping us apart thing just doesn't hit the same romantic beats (especially since it's waaaay overdone) as Daisy's more recent anything for her thing with Jemma.

What I mean by Anything For is the prioritization of another person’s safety, feelings, and goals over the doer’s own, if they have any. Maybe this is just me over-analyzing things, but I feel like, in the later seasons, we see Daisy shift into the specific role of Jemma’s guardian. First, in a small way in S4 - when Daisy finds Jemma during the LMD take over. 

This scene! this SCENE!?!?! Oh, the way she talks her down, pulls her in, and makes her feel safe, that acting -- THAT acting! This whole moment is what officially awakened me to Skimmons! Daisy was hitting all my romantic hero beats to a TEE but only on some best friend shit. So could you imagine if they were actually a couple and she’s searching for her, trying to talk her down and pulls her in like that, I--dead. I have an entire urban fantasy series about demon slayers planned inspired by these two characters because of this precise moment. It’s working title is literally ‘the Daisy x Jemma story.’ Oh yes, I’m not in the messing around business. If I see wasted potential, I pick it up and I build.

In S5, we see Daisy Anything For Her-ing again in a big way when she goes on a tear through the lighthouse trying to rescue Jemma from alien slavery. Which is way more dramatically and immediately satisfying than just knowing Fitz is somewhere out there ‘working on it.’ 

And then once again, we see more Anything For Her-ing in S6 when Daisy supports Jemma flying them across the universe to fight more aliens looking for Past Fitz. And of course Daisy doesn’t mind being Jemma’s Hound because Jemma’s her bestie and she likely sees it as just doing her duty as Captain of the FitzSimmons ship. To the Hets and others who just happen not to ship them, all these acts of love and devotion are likely seen as just Daisy being a good big sister figure to Jemma and Fitz. And that’s lovely for them. 

But you know what would have been lovely for me, fellow femslashers? Leo Fitz being Jemma’s twin brother this whole time and also, of course, Jemma being gayer than a pack of skittles.

Truth be told, I was never a fan of the Twilight-y/Jacob Black-ish way that Jemma/Fitz started, with the latter harboring these feelings and the former being completely oblivious and then awkward about it at first.

I’m not a fan of the Unrequited Love trope in general. And I love Fitz, so I was rooting for him to move on with someone who didn’t need to ease into the idea of loving him that way. But ease Jemma did. And they’re in it for real and for life...well, for the five minutes a year they get to be in the same room, anyway. 

But what could’ve happened if FitzSimmons were twin siblings instead (and I was the head writer on the show who made Jemma and Daisy definite lady-lovin’ ladies, no squinting required)?? 

Jemma and Daisy’s love story begins post-Ward Betrayal, somewhere in late S2 early S3 with some "my emotional rock" moments, followed up with mild flirtations and blushing denials.

Then, as the pair were just beginning to show more overt feelings toward each other, Jemma starts being all anti-inhuman right when Daisy’s powers are emerging.

After the cat quakes out of the bag and Jemma is angry at Fitz and Daisy for hiding this from her, what ensues between the two girls is a tearful conversation about secrets and lies and fixing things that aren’t broken involving the words “are you afraid me?” & “I would never hurt you” somewhere in between. 

Then, after Jemma has some time to cool off, she apologizes to Twin!Brother Fitz for abandoning him and making him feel broken/discarded, then to True Love!Daisy for making her feel afraid to come to her, and then this quote happens “you have to know that the love I have for you runs deeper than fear of the unknown ever will.” 

only there would be kissing...yeh, lots more kissing.

I could sit here and rewrite every arc and scene with Daisy and Jemma as a couple spliced through it, but I won’t take up anymore time. 

Call me old fashioned but a strong rescue romance theme between a Rogue Toughie living by her own code of honor and a Strong-Willed Softie always surviving some kind of peril with her wits until her knight in shining gauntlets returns for her....the concept just melts my heart.

And that’s the vibe Daisy and Jemma give, especially in later parts of the show, which makes me wish that these two had been given the ‘Love Story of a Lifetime’ instead.

#femslash friday #femslash february #wlw concepts #wlw mood #sapphic suggestions #sapphic concept #agents of shield #daisy x jemma #skimmons #taylor russell #wlw love #chloe bennet #elizabeth henstridge

[soulsam]

Ask game!! For Sam and Dean both:

What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

OMG HELLO TUMBLR USER SPNTRUNK???? WHAT AN HONOR

I will ramble about my samdean thoughts ANY TIME so thank you for indulging me lol

1a. for sam, I loooove when the fandom acknowledges and magnifies his obsession with dean. he's slightly quieter about it (he doesn't go around yelling YOU TOUCH MY BROTHER AND ILL KILL YOU the way dean does) but that doesn't make him any less codependent or any less freakish!!!!!! he is JUST as insane about dean as dean is about him, and I LOVE to see that explored

1b. for dean, I love fandom discussions of his experiences with romance and sex and what they mean to him. I feel like the show mostly goes "dean sleeps around lol" and leaves it at that, but sometimes you get a glimpse of something else (cassie, lisa), and I always found those parts to be extremely intriguing. because dean can be such a hopeless romantic!!! he just doesn't let himself have good things, he holds them at arms length so that when he inevitably loses them it might not hurt so much. it's so heartbreaking and I could write academic essays about it probably. (as a sidenote, this aspect of his character is part of why I love samdean so much. he and sam have their moments, they've been separated by thousands of miles and death itself and it hurts dean terribly, but they always find their way back to each other. sam is the one person who dean has never really lost, not forever. and now that they're in their shared(!!!!) heaven, he never will.)

2a. I am going to have to try so so so so so hard not to write an essay about this one. the way the wider fandom treats sam makes my blood BOIL. tossing him to the side, pretending he doesn't exist, saying dean would be better off without him, etc. I hate all of it. I hate the way he gets sidelined in his own story, and the worst part is that THE SHOW ITSELF DOES IT TOO. SO I CANT EVEN BLAME THE STUPID FANDOM ENTIRELY. but if I had to pick one thing that I hate the most about the fandom's treatment of sam...I think I would be unoriginal and choose the purgatory debacle. there are just so many reasons why he shouldn't be blamed so harshly for the way he handled that time period. like. 1. he had JUST gotten hallucifer out of his head. he was having psychotic episodes so bad he nearly DIED, he barely even knew what was real and what was a hallucination. 2. he was ALONE. bobby was dead, dean and cas were, by all accounts, dead. his whole family was GONE. I can't even imagine the grief he must have endured in that time. I wouldn't be surprised if he had been suicidal, or if he'd had another psychotic break. and 3. WHERE WAS HE SUPPOSED TO GO LOOKING? he had no reason to think that dean SURVIVED the dick-splosion, and even if he was certain he had, sam KNOWS how dangerous it is to open the door to purgatory. and he couldn't exactly ask cas about it, could he? what was he supposed to do, summon crowley? yeah I'm sure that would've gone great. plus, 4. he and dean AGREED not to look for each other. sure, they make and break those kinds of promises often, but come the fuck on. how is it fair to ask sam, hopeless and alone and barely even functional enough to stand on his own two feet, to defy the promise he and dean made in order to bring him back from the dead and probably let something else nasty out along with him? that hardly seems reasonable to me.

um. I got heated about that one. anyway everyone lay off sam about purgatory okay. including dean. I get why he was upset but man cmon.

2b. this one's going to be shorter because I'm pissed about purgatory now lol but I hate when people make dean out to be some kind of. horrific wifebeater (and sam his battered, trapped woman). like. yeah. he's got anger issues and violent tendencies. yes, he often fails to break the cycle of abuse. yes, he lashes out at sam, and that's bad. but like. sam doesnt need protection from dean??? sam doesnt need liberation from dean???? dean isn't some horrible monster who belittles his brother for shits and giggles. he's a man who's seen way too much, lost way too much. it hurts to look at the ways he's changed, but he's doing the best he fucking can. also, pet peeve!! I HATE HATE HATE when people point to the behavior he exhibited while he had the mark of cain and go "see!! see!!! it was inside him all along!!!! he's a terrible person!!!!" LIKE. UM. HES LITERALLY BEEN SADDLED WITH AN ANCIENT CURSE. I DONT THINK ITS FAIR TO PROJECT ITS EFFECTS ONTO HIS CHARACTER, ACTUALLY. it annoys me soooooo bad. like did they miss the parts where he tried everything he could to keep his urges under control? did they miss the horrified look he'd have on his face after he went on a killing spree he couldn't stop? it's willful ignorance, and I hate that shit!!! I hate it!!!!!

genuinely though. and maybe this is silly to say after all that rambling. I don't want to be negative here. I love my (our!!) little corner of this fandom and I genuinely unironically love this show with every fiber of my being. it's my favorite piece of media ever and maybe that's partly just recency bias but like. I had sworn off live action TV for weird personal reasons (if you go looking, I have a personal post saying I refused to reblog spn posts because I didn't want gifs of real people on my blog. lmao) and yet here I am. I love this show. I love the wincest fandom. I love my mutuals. and as soon as I finish the finale I'm probably just going to start the whole damn thing over again.

oh also SPNTRUNK I LOVE YOUR ART !!! WTF!!!! HI???? IM STILL KIND OF IN AWE LOL

#ANYWAY. theres that #lol #sam winchester #dean winchester #spn #ask game #keithposting #;

[meta-shadowsong]

An Argument With a Particular Word of God Quote

Note: I wrote this essay a while ago--several months ago--and then just kind of sat on it; but the quote it focuses on has been crossing my dash again the last day or so and it popped back into my head and I decided to go ahead and share.

So. There is a George Lucas quote, I believe from the Attack of the Clones commentary. And I have. Extremely Strong Negative Feelings About It.

The quote in question:

“[The fact that everything must change and that things come and go through his life and that he can’t hold onto things, which is a basic Jedi philosophy that he isn’t willing to accept emotionally] and the reason that is because he was raised by his mother rather than the Jedi. If he’d have been taken in his first years and started to study to be a Jedi, he wouldn’t have this particular connection as strong as it is and he’d have been trained to love people but not to become attached to them.”

Okay. To be clear, my problem here is not with the attachment definition/philosophy that’s being posited here, nor with the description of Anakin’s attitude towards it. The first half of the first sentence, the part that’s bracketed--that’s all completely reasonable/true enough and I don’t have a problem with it.

It’s everything after that.

TL;DR: I think it undermines other key themes and conflicts with certain story/dialogue points in the rest of the saga (meaning episodes I-VI); and I feel like it says some pretty uncomfortable and/or negative things about emotional growth, childhood trauma, Shmi, and the Jedi Order.

Let’s break it down.

First, this only works if you look at the PT trilogy, Anakin’s fall from grace, in a complete vacuum, and ignore the OT and Luke’s journey. Because guess what? Luke was also raised outside the Order, to an even older age than Anakin, and while he struggled in ESB and he did in fact have to learn the hard way, he did learn. (Also, I haven’t rewatched ANH recently, and it doesn’t tend to get referenced much in these discussions, but I think it’s worth nothing that--yes, everything in that movie takes place over like three days and he doesn’t have a lot of time to think/process/start wallowing in his grief; but when you compare the way he handles things there with the way Anakin reacts in similar situations, and he’s already working from a more solid foundation, one that had nothing to do with being raised by the Jedi.)

Second, it’s a…weirdly deterministic take for a series that otherwise places a lot of emphasis on choice. On people choosing to do better (or to not do better). Again, that’s all over the OT, particularly with Luke and Han and again with the second half of Anakin/Vader’s journey. So this particular quote undermines that broader theme/message in a big way.

Third, it completely ignores the fact that this concept, about change being inevitable and you have to be able to move on and let go? Is articulated first and (arguably) most clearly by Shmi. Right there. In the movie just prior to this. That this man also wrote. (“You can’t stop the change, any more than you can stop the suns from setting.” That entire scene.) The mother whose parenting Lucas is essentially blaming for Anakin’s tendency to codependency/unhealthy obsession in relationships.

I am. Really not okay with Shmi being thrown under the bus like this. And, like, there’s probably a broader cultural whatever about how motherhood is simultaneously idealized and ignored in modern (Western) culture and art, and how that influences the way Shmi is portrayed and used and eventually fridged, let alone how she’s talked about outside the text itself. But like. She did in fact say this. The fact that Anakin didn’t grasp it and internalize it is not her fault.

Which is sort of tangentially related to a sort of…broader issue I have with the worldbuilding, especially when it comes to this idealized philosophy, which is that…yes, of course the Jedi are the Good Guys, and the philosophy they live by is a good one (and also acknowledging its real-world Buddhist roots). I am not in any way disputing either of those points. But the idea that only the Jedi, and only by accessing Jedi training/philosophy/etc. through this pretty narrow set of idealized circumstances, can allow you to be a good person in this specific idealized way/to follow this philosophy of non-attachment and learn how to love without codependency, leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. Especially when you have the same lesson/philosophy/ideal coming from a completely different angle in the same goddamn film. In short, the Jedi aren’t wrong, but they don’t have a monopoly on being right.

Okay. Uh. So those are (that last tangent aside) the writing/structure problems I have with this quote. Namely, it doesn’t entirely line up with the themes and storyline of the six films as a whole, and it doesn’t even mesh with the prior movie in this same trilogy.

But there are other issues here, too.

For one thing, this is…this really doesn’t paint the Jedi or their teachings in a very positive light.

Like…this is basically saying, “of course the Jedi can teach people how to love appropriately and avoid attachment/codependency/obsession/dangerous emotional tangles, that’s What They Do, after all--but only if the student starts as essentially a blank slate and has nothing to unlearn.” That’s…not a good look.

Also, it’s kind of a shitty take on childhood trauma? Yes, it’s hard to learn and grow past these things, but the idea that it’s not possible, aside from the implications about the Jedi Order’s pedagogical abilities, is super discouraging for people who come to this path/philosophy later in life than the Ideal. It implies that emotional growth and healing aren’t really feasible and, again, the only way to be capable of this kind of nonattachment is to start from a blank slate. Which a) I don’t think that’s how people or emotions work; and b) again, a super shitty and discouraging thing to say to anyone who might want to try.

(And before anyone comes at me with ‘there is no try,’ that quote taken at face value has the same issue; but if you look at it in context, it’s about committing to a course of action and knowing what you’re capable of, especially in a fairly simple situation/when faced with a fairly straightforward problem. When you also take into account the later conversation about trying to reach Vader, there’s also an acceptance of the fact that there are other factors that are completely out of Luke’s control here, that all he can do is put his commitment and genuine good faith effort and make the attempt to the best of his abilities, but he can’t simply ‘do’ without the other party meeting him halfway. But that’s another essay for another time.)

Lastly, and this is a much more…it has as much to do with modern fandom discussions as with what Lucas specifically said twenty years ago. But there’s this tendency to use entry into the Jedi Order as analogous to adoption. And that’s not wrong! It’s in fact a pretty good analogy! Even before it got reinforced by certain conversations in the Obi-Wan series! But quotes like this highlight the problem with that analogy, especially when coupled with the age restriction on entry into the Order.

Look. There are a lot of issues with the modern adoption system. I’m not nearly qualified to comment on all of them, beyond acknowledging that Some Shit’s Fucked Up. (Not all of it! But Some.) And one of those issues is that, unless the child in question is a [healthy, white] infant, the chances of them getting adopted are extremely slim. Because there’s this attitude that they won’t really belong, they won’t really be a part of their new family, they won’t really bond/bond properly with their new parents, unless they’re brought in as a blank slate. That the (perceived) greater Difficulties in taking in an older child are Too Much/Not Worth It…that kind of attitude.

And, I mean, I’m not a parent, adoptive or otherwise. I’ve never been fully responsible for raising a child (or for any other human being), and I know that it’s a complicated and difficult decision/task even under the most ideal of circumstances. But the idea that older kids aren’t good enough/don’t count/will never really be the children of their new parents is something I know I’ve seen broken down as a toxic mentality before.

Especially in a culture (fandom) that places such a huge emphasis on found family/family of choice and the bonds that grow from there (aka, the refutation of that idea), why is it that, in certain Jedi-positive circles and when looking at quotes like this one from Lucas, it’s just accepted at face value when it comes to the Jedi Order and their adoption/recruitment practices?

Full disclosure, the age limit is basically The Problem I have with the PT-era Jedi Order’s general practices and the one thing that I genuinely think does at least as much harm as good (or the harm it does is significant enough) and should be re-evaluated when Luke (or Rey, or whoever) rebuilds; I’ve written about this before, but, among other things, this idea tends to become a feedback loop which sets the few exceptions up for failure, which then reinforces the idea that older students will fail, and on and on*; this aside from the issues it presents to the people who aren’t lucky enough to be found in the right age bracket or have the combination of Circumstances working for them that Anakin did to become one of the exceptions; the fact that there are no viable alternatives for training and/or support for said potential latecomers is also a huge part of the problem. Anyway, that’s definitely coloring my views here, especially when we look at the Implications rather than the parts where it’s contradicted by other points in the text itself.

I’m going to sort of wind up here by saying that…after all of that, I don’t think that this quote is entirely wrong, exactly. I’ve written about this before (although maybe not posted it, haha), but I do think that the Order’s habit/background of generally not accepting latecomers, combined with Anakin’s particular background and issues, mean that the Order as it stands in the twilight of the Republic was not necessarily a good fit for him when he was brought to their attention, and that he might have been more stable/successful if he’d been brought in earlier, or if the initial refusal had stood and he’d found a different path for himself.

But boiling that down to, essentially, ‘Anakin Wasn’t Raised Right,’ and in so doing a) ignoring the entire other half of this saga/some of the key themes of this saga as a whole; b) forgetting what Shmi said in the last movie/throwing her under the bus; and c) making everyone involved in this situation look bad…I don’t know, that’s really not the way to do it.

*To avoid yet another long tangent…there is an interesting essay that could be teased out about that one line in the mantra, ‘there is no ignorance; there is knowledge,’ and how it relates to the idea of preconceptions. We see this in this particular discussion, both in a sort of positive light (when someone with no preconceptions approaches the Jedi path/philosophy, there is a strong tendency for them to succeed at it), and in a negative light (the feedback loop re: nontraditional students I mentioned). But it also comes up in other areas--look at how Force Ghosts are handled, for example. How much effort it takes for Qui-Gon to connect with Yoda; how the first assumption is that Yoda is hallucinating. Compare that to Luke, who has absolutely zero preconceptions/prior knowledge about how the Force works and how it relates to death, so that when he starts hearing (and later seeing) Ben, his response is ‘this makes as much sense as anything else I’ve learned in the last week sure let’s go with it.’ And, of course, Yoda that line about how wonderful the mind of a child is, uncluttered by such things. Not to mention the bit I mentioned earlier, about raising the X-wing from the swamp, and how that relates to preconceptions and expectations; also related is one of my favorite Qui-Gon quotes, “Your focus determines your reality.”

Anyway, I just think that’s interesting to contemplate--Jedi are people, after all, and this is a very People problem to have.

#star wars #fandom #originally posted december 2023

[strangertheories]

Hey, I'd love to hear your thoughts and theories and how Jancy will resolve their issues, or fail to do so, and if there's any difference in your expectations based on if/how much time skipping happens in S5 since I've heard everything from none to a few weeks to a few years, not sure what the 'current' theory is there.

I got another request to do a Stancy post from @webuserspam and a Ronance post from an anon so I think I'll just do them all at once. So in this post I'm still going to discuss Jancy endgame, Stancy endgame, single Nancy and Ronance endgame and I'll say my thoughts on which are most likely at the end. Full disclosure, I don't really like Stancy, I like Jancy and I love Ronance but I'm going to try and write them all in a satisfactory way. Just in case I sound biased.

In terms of the time skip, casting websites are asking for cars from 1988 meaning there'd be a time skip of 2 years. This would mean after the first few episodes they'd skip ahead to where the kids would be 16/17 and the teenagers would be 19-21 (I know they're all teens but it's easier to differentiate that way). For me this pretty certainly spells out a Jancy breakup because they will be at separate colleges so Johnathan will have to admit they can't go together which means breakup.

However, this season is described as post apocalyptic so maybe they both decided to stay in Hawkins, although I doubt that. I feel like Hawkins is going to be taken over so the group flees Hawkins but something happens and they all have to come together again to defeat Vecna once and for all. Kinda It Chapter 2 esque, where he's been defeated for now but he's coming back. Either way, I'm going to talk about it as if they do go to college because I don't know why that conflict would exist if they were never going to go anyways.

Ok first of all, Jancy endgame. Early on in the season, Johnathan is going to have to tell Nancy that he isn't going to Emerson with her. They're both pretty awful at communication, especially since they're long distance, so I don't think the relationship will be sustainable. This means pre time skip, I think they'll break up. However upon reuniting, Johnathan and Nancy are working together doing investigative work. It's a bit awkward but amiable. Spending so much time together reminds them that they love(d) each other and as all hope seems lost and it seems like the world is going to end, they turn to each other and rekindle their romance. They know where they went wrong last time and they're prepared to make it work.

Next up, Stancy endgame. Like aforementioned, after realzing they won't be together at college, Johnathan and Nancy break up. Steve will either be at a (community) college or still working. Either way, Robin will probably be there with him which is irrelevant for now. Steve has given up on casual dating and is now trying to commit to someone. Who knows, maybe he even had a serious relationship at some point in these two years. As a result of this, Steve has moved on from Nancy but he knows he's never loved a girl more than he used to love her.

When Nancy comes back to Hawkins, she's been broken up with Johnathan for two years. She's more concerned by the inevitable doom than romantic relationships. Similar to Jancy, Nancy spends more time with Steve and they're reminded of why they were such a good match in the first place. Previously, Nancy couldn't bring herself to love him because of Johnathan, but now she's able to commit to him. When all hope seems lost, she shares a final kiss with Steve but shockingly they survive.

Steve and Nancy talk afterwards and decide they'll keep the relationship long distance because Steve wants Nancy to follow her dreams but it's on an optimistic note. That or one of them dies (Steve most likely) and the remaining person (probably Nancy) is able to say I love you to their grace as a sad tear jerker moment. Especially considering Steve's whole dream for their future that he never got to achieve because he died so young for his actual "nuggets", leaving behind Nancy and the kids.

Next up, single Nancy. This one is a bit more simple than the other options. After breaking up with Johnathan, Nancy throws herself into journalism at college and is doing very well for herself. She drops this to come back to Hawkins. The town is now famous for whatever the hell is going on with it so Nancy claims it's to write a crazy article. Nancy spends time with both Johnathan and Steve but ultimately she tells them that she has to pursue her dreams without romance holding her back and maybe when she's older they could get together, but for now she's got to be alone. This isn't to do with romance, but I think if Nancy is writing an article on Hawkins it could be a big exposé and could be used in voice over to cap off the series. If we're being really cheesy, she could even name drop the series.

Finally, Ronance endgame. When we see a scene of Nancy at college, they could drop a hint about Nancy liking women, like her blushing at someone or something along these lines. Nancy and Robin have been sending each other letters whilst Nancy was at college and their relationship is strong. Robin still isn't out to Nancy and has a whole will they won't they thing going on with Vickie.

When Nancy arrives in Hawkins, their feelings for each other become abundantly clear as they spend time together. Robin wants to tell Nancy that's she's a lesbian but she doesn't want to damage their friendship because she's scared Nancy won't be as close with her if she comes out. Robin is smoother with Vickie than she was but the minute she's with Nancy all of that smoothness goes out of the window and there's this kind of flirtatious awkwardness that hangs over the relationship. Eventually, Vickie asks out Robin but by this point, Robin has realized she's much more interested in Nancy and politely turns her down. Robin then goes to Nancy in some sort of "the world's ending so I might as well say it" thing where she fully expects to get rejected but instead they kiss instead and the series ends with them both together.

In terms of likelihood for each scenario, I think that Ronance is unlikely because of the fact they're really pushing Robin and Vickie as well as the whole love triangle thing with Nancy (I hope to be proven wrong though). But in terms of the other options with Nancy? I'm not too sure. Single Nancy doesn't seem likely because they're pushing her into choosing between Johnathan and Steve. Jancy is so cute but they just can't communicate and I don't get what the point of Steve being all flirty with Nancy in S4 would have if they weren't pushing for Stancy. I also think that they're planning on killing off Steve so giving him a love interest would make it even sadder.

Thanks for the requests! Hope this was interesting. I can make a follow up one with Robin and Vickie if anyone's interested as well.

#stranger things #st5 #st5 speculation #st5 theory #st theory #stranger things theory #ronance #stancy #jancy #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #johnathan byers #steve harrington

[jupiturcrush]

Female Friendships (from the Anything Goes Podcast)

*I just discovered Emma Chamberlain’s podcast and I think I’m going to make commentary posts on some of her episodes.*

This topic in particular is near and dear to my heart because friendship is absolutely fascinating to me, and such a sacred part of my own life. The intimacy and closeness and bond with another girl is so rare and special, and is truly one of the best experiences you can ever have in life. The problems within friendship, how to resolve them, and how to make/sustain friendships are topics that should be explored and talked about more.

Emma starts off talking about when she realized the dynamics with her friends were changing in middle school, becoming more tense and competitive, which increased/intensified into high school. Competitiveness is the main issue discussed, and a multi-layered one at that.

I would say for myself, I never really had very many friends when I was younger/most of my life. The ones I did have were just generally nice, solid girls. I think that’s been a pattern in my life. For the most part I’ve been drawn to (and vice versa) good people. I can only think of one big falling out with a friend who I thought would be in my life forever- but I’m not even sure how applicable that experience is because it was with a (gay) guy friend. Aside from him, my female friendships that ended always ended on neutral terms, a natural consequence of growing apart and going in different directions in life.

I think Emma’s struggles with friends probably stem from growing up in LA, in a culture of fame and wealth and heightened superficiality and social climbing. Maybe her experiences are shared by others but I really couldn’t relate to some of the anecdotes she used, such as her friends making out with her crush- which she said happened “a bazillion times”. That hasn’t happened to me… ever. Not even in my teen years. Jealousy is normal and inevitable, but it happens in such minor ways that I’m able to move through it without the friendship being negatively affected.

As far as crushes, luckily there’s never any overlap with any of my friends interested in the same guy. I’m very rarely attracted to someone, and my friends all have very different taste in guys than me anyway. So it’s worked out very well on that front. But even if there was some occasion where a guy I liked was into my friend and not me… I just don’t really care that much. It hurts at first, there have been times where a guy I like openly expresses his attraction towards one of my friends. But in those moments it’s more-so a feeling of rejection, not competition. It’s a negative feeling towards myself, not a negative feeling towards my friends.

Ultimately though, if a guy is interested in my friend, I know he’s not the guy for me. Conversely, when a guy likes me, I know he really likes me for who I am. I’m not worried about him seeing my attractive friends and jumping ship.

Another point she she brings up is lack of loyalty. In regards to boys/backstabbing, but also in situations where girls were opportunistic and ditched her in favor of cooler plans or more popular girls, etc. Although I sympathize with this, I really think people’s true intentions are pretty easy to pick up on. I mean… people are not that mysterious. You can tell the real ones pretty early into the process of getting to know them. The problems Emma runs into in her female friendships are really just a matter of choosing better people to hang out with, and perhaps that’s a skill you develop with time/age. But overall, people tend to show their true colors very quickly. I’ve rarely been months or years into a friendship and had the carpet pulled out from under my feet by someone’s disloyalty or general shittiness as a friend.

She also talks about copying. Style, specifically. It feels like a pretty juvenile point, but I understand the POV from a 20 year old is going to be very different from someone in their 30’s. She ties it in with the competitive nature of females that she’s witnessed/experienced, and how girls will claim certain trends or items of clothing as “theirs”. I haven’t personally run into this issue, and it doesn’t feel like a real issue within the scope of friendships. But I think this just goes back to the fact that I’m not competitive with my friends, nor are they with me.

I do think it’s worth mentioning that when you hang out with someone a lot your language, mannerisms, and appearance tend to merge. That seems to be a byproduct of bonding. In fact, I absolutely love matching my friends. Wanting (subconsciously or consciously) to be more alike with those who you admire or vibe with is pretty standard from a psychology/sociology/evolutionary perspective.

But maybe this copying problem is more applicable to those living in a fashion-forward city like LA or NYC. This really isn’t going to be an issue in northeast Florida, where everybody dresses more or less the same. Vans, converse, high waisted shorts/jeans, crop top… it’s all the same bullshit. People want to look the same and blend in in most places.

The episode concludes with talking shit. Girls talking behind their friends back.

Guilty. To be fair- it was a roommate situation, and my frustrations with the friend were coming from the place of a roommate and cohabitating. Our relationship as friends was tainted by the experience of being roommates first, friends second. I needed to vent, and often. Which was probably some equivalent of talking shit. Tomato-tomahto. I needed to leave that living situation, and when I did, the friendship resumed its normalcy. Otherwise, I don’t badmouth my friends. I take great pride in who’s in my life, and for the most part feel extremely fortunate for each friend who adds something totally unique and special into my life.

The main problem I face in my dealings with females-

is the perpetual, insurmountable “business” of everyone. It’s moreso an issue with girls I’m trying to build a friendship with rather than friends I’ve already established. Girls will flat out tell me they want to hang out- and when I try to make plans with them, they’re working, or already have plans, or will let me know- then never do. It’s maddening. This self-imposed paradox. Girls will say they want more friends, or have no friends, and I go out of my way to invite them to do things and most of the time it doesn’t work out.

Meanwhile my guy friends will come over at the drop of a hat 😂 Go figure.

#anything goes #emma chamberlain #female friendship