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#I probably have more to add but I'm blanking
venusin-aries · 7 months
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Anti’s coming into the Gwyneth Berdara tag and accusing Gwynriel’s of the mischaracterization of Gwyn or only liking Gwyn because of Gwynriel is fucking LAUGHABLE. 
All I've seen are posts singing praises about Gwyn (just Gwyn!) and I have NOT ONCE seen a Gwynriel shipper characterize Gwyn wrongly.
What are we mischaracterizing her for? 
Being brave as fuck for choosing to train to be a Valkyrie? Nesta’s admiration and fondness of her? For saying she’s resilient for being able to enjoy herself and laugh with her friends after experiencing some fucked up shit? THAT SHE'S LIKABLE?? Being strategic and patient FOR DAYS and spying on the Illaryian males before sending the beasts after them ruthlessly? Being smart and witty? Her interests in sex and smut and stating she doesn’t want to be coddled? Her willingness to sacrifice herself on the bridge? Her determination to finish the blood rite even though she was injured as fuck? Her unwavering loyalty toward Nesta and Emerie? That Nesta thinks her beauty is comparable to Mor and Merrill?
The fact that she’s not judgemental and she immediately accepted Nesta when they were sharing their stories? Her own struggle with guilt and self hate? Her immediately witnessing what Azriel is capable of when they first met? Azriel’s shadows reacting POSITIVELY towards her and yeah, the thought of her joy glowing in his chest? That she teases him and challenges him? That she hasn't seen him torture someone yet but she's seen worse shit soooo why would she be fazed??
She's canonly more suitable for Azriel than anybody else in the series and THAT'S why people dislike her as a character even though on her own she's a great character.
Those are only SOME of her positives we got in ONE book. Notice, some of those positives include Azriel, but most don’t 🤷🏻‍♀️. 
Allllllll of those points have textual evidence to support them. And these are allllllll the points Gwynriel shippers love to make about her. 
The only charactization of her anti’s will accept is if she goes back to the library, stays there and is never seen or heard of in canon again. Or if she’s evil which she’s likely not going to be. Stop being so petty. If anything SJM has her set up for a HEALING journey. 
However some people obviously like to see a female character STAY broken and let her trauma define her.
Getting mad when she's so obviously such a fun character? She has fun and laughs and teases her friends and Cassian and Azriel and enjoys herself but there's something wrong with that and you think its annoying????
Fanon Gwyn and Canon Gwyn are basically the same. If you don’t like fanon Gwyn, you probably don’t like canon Gwyn and that’s fine, whatever, I think you have totally shit taste but whatever just STAY OUT OF THE GWYNETH BERDARA TAG.
I see the shit ya'll tag and then delete.
I’m a Gwyn stan first and foremost but I have not seen one single other Gwynriel shipper mischaracterize her. 
Fanon is fun until it melts your brain and you start believing ONLY fanon and wrongly remembering canon and then attacking others for using canon to support their points. 
It’s crazy to me that anti’s can dislike a fictional character so much that the idea of potentially seeing more of said character in the canon universe and getting more fandom love honestly upsets them.
Like holy shit, I don’t like E/riel, but I have enough tact not to take that out on either Elain OR Azriel. And I don’t go looking to start shit with shippers because I'm not pathetic. Too bad some people can’t extend that same class to Gwyn. 
Also, I feel like some people forget about this fucking scene. 
Gwyn studied Ramiel's craggy, unforgiving slope. Not much snow graced its sides. Like the wind had whipped it all away. Or the storms had avoided its peak entirely. “Is it living, though? To take the safe road?”
“You’re the one who's been living in a library for two years,” Emerie said.
Gwyn didn't flinch. “I have. And I am tired of it.” She surveyed the blood-soaked leather along her thigh. “I don't want to take the safe road.” She pointed to the mountain, to the slender path upward. “I want to take that road.” Her voice thickened. “I want to take the road that no one dares travel, and I want to travel it with you two. No matter what may befall us. Not as Illyrians, not for their titles, but as something new. To prove to them, to everyone, that something new and different might triumph over their rules and restrictions.”
A cold wind blew off Ramiel's sides. 
Whispering, murmuring.
“They call this climb the Breaking for a reason,”Emerie countered gravely.
Nesta added, “Wehaven't eaten in days. We're down to the last of our water. To climb that mountain-“
“I have been broken once before,” Gwyn said, her voice clear. “I survived it. And I will not be broken again- not even by this mountain.”
Look at me and tell me this is a character we’ll never hear from again. Go right a fucking head. 
You can't come into the Gwyneth Berdara tag claiming we mischaracterize her. We take her as is. No need to pick her apart or give her little unnecessary traits to fit her better with any one.
It's not possible to make her out to be something she's not when every little thing we love about her is canon.
You can be salty over us comparing Bryce/Hunt and Azriel/Gwyn but oh wait! SJM uses similar language to describe them ON PURPOSE in canon as fucking well!!!
On purpose.
In fucking canon.
But we’re reaching.
Do not come into the Gwyneth Berdara tag and say Gwynriel’s make it hard to like her but oh, you do like her you do! And then go on to say she’s nothing more special than a Valkyrie or Nesta’s friend. Yeah, I fucking saw that shit.
People are weirdly jealous over a ship/inspiring character a lot of people relate to.
Gwyn is not stealing Azriel from any one because there’s NO ONE to steal him from.
These character's are fake but the hate and vitriol ya'll are spewing at people who like her are very real.
Just stay out of the Gwyneth Berdara tag if you don't like her.
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mellinelli · 2 years
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pros of qpr/siblings with Melli:
good with baby pokemon
cuddles
will remind you of how amazing you are
tol
knows the best paths and most scenic views in the highlands
has access to some v v v good tea leaves and knows how to prepare them right
good at singing and dancing
will do a protecc
cons of qpr/siblings with Melli:
doesn’t like listening to what he doesn’t want to hear
an ass to people he doesn’t like
you’ll probably have to apologize for them a lot
in constant need of validation
will put their job as Warden first above most things
whiny as a husky and just as resistant to changes in environment
in his own head a lot
let’s face it: they stinky. there’s only so much you can do when you live with a Skuntank
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morganski-19 · 6 months
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"I'm sorry, you're what," Gareth asks, stunned by what Eddie just said.
"I'm dating Steve." Eddie braces for the inevitable impact that is about to happen.
"Steve Harrington."
Jeff clears his throat. "Like, King Steve?"
"The Hair Harrington," Grant adds on.
"Are you out of your mind?"
Eddie sighs and lets his head fall into his hands. "See, this is why I didn't want to tell you guys. I knew you would get stuck in who he was and not who he is now and start questioning things and trying to get me to break it off."
"Well, no, let's slow down," Jeff intervenes, holding his hand out to tell Gareth to shut up. "How long have you been dating?"
Eddie tilts his head to the side. "Officially, a month."
"A month," Gareth exclaims.
"Unofficially, four months."
"FOUR MONTHS." Gareth gets up from where he was sitting and does a lap around the garage.
"That's a long time to be unofficial," Grant adds, Jeff nodding along.
Gareth gets in Eddie's face. "How could you be seeing Steve Harrington for four months and not tell us."
"Because I knew you would act just like this!"
Jeff pulls Grant back by his vest and pushes him back into the chair. "How were you guys together for three months before you made it official."
"Probably because Steve was still sleeping around," Gareth mutters.
"Oh shut it, Gareth," Grant snaps.
"He wanted it to be official pretty much the moment it started, I was just too scared to do it."
Jeff walks over and places a hand on Eddie's shoulder. "But now you're not as scared right. Now it's good between you two."
Eddie can't help the smile that forms on his face. "Yeah, it is."
"But why him?" Gareth asks, clearly upset by this information. "You saw who he was in high school man. Friends with the people who made fun of us for fun. Total player. Cared more about his looks and reputation than anything else."
"Oh like you don't do the same thing," Grant ruffles Gareth's hard.
"Seriously, why him?"
"Cause for the first time when I ran away, he came looking for me."
Gareth gives him a blank stare. "What."
Eddie stands up, shaking his head. "You know me, can't have anything good. The moment people start to care about me, especially romantically, I run away. Can't handle it. Took Wayne long enough to get me in, but that's different. You guys kept coming back, but that was different too. No one who ever wanted me like that gave enough of a shit about me to come find me after I ran away. He did."
"Ed-"
"The first big fight we had, I thought it was over. He wanted something more and I was so sure I wasn't enough for him. That he was just going to realize down the road that I was nothing. So I started a fight, picked a nerve I knew would hit just right so that it would end right then and there. And I knew he would fight back, and he did. So I ran away, thinking that it was over. The next morning he came back and apologized, like he had anything to apologize for. He came after me. And kept doing it. He knew that I didn't mean it, that this was just a defense. For the first time, no one let me run away."
"Shit," Gareth exhales. "That's pretty great."
Jeff claps Eddie on the back. "Really great.
"Can we meet him, officially," Grant asks.
"Yeah sure, he's been asking about you guys. Wants to come to a show sometimes."
"I can't believe Steve Harrington is going to be one of our regulars."
Grant gasps. "Our first groupie."
"Oh my god, yes."
"Guys stop it, it's not that serious."
"Sounds pretty serious to me," Gareth gets up again and walks over to Eddie. "I'm sorry for judging him. If," he looks up and takes a deep breath. "If he makes you happy, then I guess he's ok. But I want to meet him and scare the shit out of him."
Eddie snorts. "Yeah, good luck with that."
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miiukkaa · 10 months
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leo's biblically accurate subway room
here are some of my mental notes while workin' on leo's room:
(note that everything subway-lair related drawn/written by me is made with the idea that the family has lived in the lair for at least a year = the spaces are more established and lived in.)
a subway car is BIG. even if there is a lot of room, it's unlikely leo would fill out the entire car = he'd have a more established corner (it's also more likely that the entire family is more comfortable with smaller spaces having come from the sewers = they'd try to recreate that).
leo is messy and loves reading comic books. he'd want more shelf space to neatly and proudly display his comic book collectiosn (as well as any and all awards he'd gotten). some of the collectibles he may have been able to salvage from the old lair while some of it is new.
leo has a small tv with VHS tapes. tv used to be propped on a seat next to the bed but i moved it on top of the arcade machine for max comfort and laziness.
leo's bed is propped half on the sub's seats as well as a wooden blank that sits on cinder blocks. there's very little room under the bed itself. i shoved a couple of boxes underneath for storage.
the right end of the subway is an open walk-in-closet kind of situation. there's a folding screen and a mirror - and of course a collection of clothes (some neatly tucked away while some just thrown about the area). there's a lone polaroid picture pinned on the mirror.
the doors in the back (the ones with an orange-tint) lead to another subway car nex to leo's that he can walk through to access the other side of the station. see my earlier layout for the subway lair to get a better understanding what i mean by this.
i wasn't sure if to add graffiti in his room but that'd probably be on the emptier side of the subway car. he'd definitely have fun spraypainting the space together with mikey. hmm yea, maybe graffiti would be smth that gets added later in the future. (i'm also realizing i forgot to add anything related to skating but yea, imagine there was a skateboard somewhere, huh).
all in all, a messy guy except for when it comes to his collectibles
raph's room
mikey's room
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moondirti · 1 year
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Idk if you have answered an ask like this already but please feed me some possessive/ jealous Ghost hc or whatever bc that man is 10 times sexier while jealous and possessive.
Pls just imagine jealous sex with this man omg…
he would not know how to handle himself i'm pretty sure. sorry to sabotage your thirst anon, i just love me a repressed man :) anyway, this is for the same mc in cigarettes out the window (reader with the call sign 'scout') but it can be read entirely separate! so, without further ado here's some jealous ghost
He's colossal, a force composed of pure brawn and unfathomable depths. Talk of Ghost illustrates him as a norse warrior to end all, the nightmare fuel of enemies who can't help but pale at a skull face. Wholly a reputation founded on that tactical precision; charcoal eyes, half-lidded to contain the ire that bubbles like magma. It's all physical. You'd just assumed that strength extended to his emotional conviction as well.
But he gets quiet sometimes, eerily so. The type where he embodies his name and dissipates like shadow on you. You don't see him for days.
It definitely depends on the stage of your relationship. Catch him jealous before the six month mark and he'd choose to abandon ship. It's that instinctive fight or flight, the choice to back down and reassess before he loses another one of his men. But you're not the enemy; your hands are soft and supple when they cradle his face, never seeking to add to his scars. You're gentle when you tell him that it's him, always will be; no one can ever compare to the behemoth you'd surrendered your heart to.
It takes a lot of time to get Simon to the point where he allows himself to be possessive. The first time, it goes something like this:
Some bar in France, cleared out for their obligatory drink post-mission. Johnny had held him up, pulling him off to the side to start on a tangent about his makeshift bomb that ended up saving their lives. His eyes stay fixed on you, edging to his peripheral where you're caught up in a rather funny conversation with Gaz.
You muffle your snicker behind a shaking hand. Simons' own squeeze into fists.
While your relationship with the Lieutenant has yet to be defined, the men of the 141 recognise the silent claim that curls over your shoulders. It was written in your sleepy sigh, dewy skin gleaming with contentment, that night they'd woke at a safe house to find you three inches closer to his mattress. It was the first of many, many hints.
Garrick isn't flirting with you, not by a long shot.
But he is making you laugh. Perhaps harder than Simon ever has.
He can't really describe what overcomes him. It's a rib-shattering heartbeat, working overtime to supply his vision with brimming red. A deeply vulnerable pit bottoming out in his gut; that fear, still there, that you're only temporary. He only acts on the former so he won't face the latter.
He leaves Soap with no more than a clap on the back. The sergeant takes it for what it is, a promise to continue later.
"Price wants you on reports."
"Does he?" You shoot him an incredulous expression, shifting back and forth from his blank stare and the captain, who huddles near Laswell over a game of gin rummy.
"Affirmative." The response comes out faster than he'd like it to, clipped with full-bodied aggression.
"Right..." Licking your lip, you take a moment to match your scrutiny to his. Simon thinks he sees it, the glint your pupils take when you finally catch on. It combats the spite that courses through him, pooling down to fill the weight between his legs. Clever girl - you know him, probably better than he knows himself. "And I'm assuming you need to consult me on something regarding that?"
"Yes." It's all the indication you need.
"Well." You look to Garrick. "I'm sorry to cut this short, mate. Remember to tell me about Serbia some other time."
And Simon doesn't miss the odd look the sergeant gives you, lips curled downwards in an acknowledging humour. He doesn’t like that he’s comfortable enough to give that much. 
But you follow him, smaller footsteps matching his as he finds a secluded hallway near the bathroom. It’s a good thing, he – rather, his internal monologue that sounds too much like your voice – echoes.
"Gonna bring up what's wrong, or will I have to force it out of ya. Hm?"
"Didn' appreciate the way he was lookin' at you, pet."
Your breath hitches, clumped lashes fluttering as you take him in anew. If this were anything else, Simon would credit your grin to a cruel sadism. As it stands, though, he lets it guide the flow of his plastered heart. He's on the right track.
"And how was he looking at me, Si?"
The growl that leaves him is untamed, the feral rip release of a hand grenade. A large hand clamps over your jaw, pressing inwards so your lips pucker out at him. The other pushes your torso to the wall, skimming past the hem of your shirt.
It's new. It's thrilling. It's a wildfire turned eternal damnation, fuelled by a fatal sin that forever trumps envy. Lust, bubbling poison to his insecurity - practical headway into something he's good at. Words were never his forte, but he can fuck you like no one else can, thrusting deeper between your velvet walls than thought possible. It's always been enough to spur breathless awe.
Enough, enough.
"Like he could ever amount to me."
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spideyhexx · 4 months
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the first time coryo & sej's cocks touched was when reader said she wanted to suck both of them off at the same time or neither of them were gonna cum so they both just sucked it up and when she told them to kiss in order to let them cum they did that too 🤭🤭🤭🤭
anon, i've been thinking about this since you sent it and i'm very happy to answer it <3 i hope y'all like this one i feel insane
mdni
You'd probably offer it after both of them have had a hard day and you know Sej is too tired to just fuck his frustrations out. And since you have Coryo with you guys now, you figure, why can't I just pleasure you guys at the same time? No harm, no foul, right?
Honestly, Sej thinks it’s a great idea and Coryo is the one to protest even though deep down, his heart is jumping at the idea of it.
“Coryo, I’m not gonna let either of you cum if I can’t do this,” and you pout at him, but realize that maybe he's just too embarrassed to admit he wants it.
So you lean up on your tiptoes to whisper in his ear, “I know you want it. I’ll make it extra good, I promise,” and you kiss right below his ear, a weak spot for him and he folds immediately.
So now you got both of the boys slouching against the pillows on your bed. They're next to each other, shoulder brushing against shoulder as you lay between them.
You're swirling your tongue around Coryo first, given that you knew Sej could last longer since he's more used to your mouth.
Coryo's hand caresses the side of your head as he watches you and he dares to avert his gaze to Sej's cock which is being held by your hand, your thumb rubbing up and down against the vein that runs along the side of his length.
He lets out a moan at the sight and you smirk, letting some spit dribble onto him before your other hand wraps around him, jerking his cock slowly as your mouth finds Sej's tip.
While Coryo's moans sound light and airy, Sej's feel lower and you know he's holding them back.
Your eyes focus on Sej's lips, parted just a little as he sucks in a harsh breath. Then to Coryo's lips, his bottom one bitten underneath his teeth.
You take Sej out of your mouth, tapping his cock against your cheek as you say to them, "you guys should kiss."
Neither of them look at each other as they stare wide eyed at you and you rolls your eyes.
"Oh, c'mon, you've already tasted each other's cum one way or the other, what's the harm in kissing? Plus, I wanna see," you add in the last part in a quick whisper and Sej chuckles and turns his head to Coryo.
Your hands continue rubbing each of them and you watch them with curious eyes. Coryo's cheeks redden even more as he looks at Sej.
"Are you okay with this?" Sej leans closer first, his nose ever so slightly bumping against Coryo's.
He nods, speaking just above a whisper, "yes."
Sej presses forward to connect his lips to Coryo's and it's soft at first. Sej's hand remains on your head while Coryo's stay awkwardly at his sides, fiddling with the sheet below him.
You watch them pull apart, gazing into each other's eyes for a small second before they're kissing again, their lips slotting together almost perfectly in your eyes.
You see Sej press harder into it and you swirl your thumb in a circle on top head of Coryo's cock, causing the man to moan into Sej's mouth. It felt evil, but the sight that you get to see makes it worth it as Sej prods his tongue into Coryo's mouth.
You pick up the pace, stroking Coryo's cock with a tighter grip, leaning over to take Sej back in your mouth.
Your cheeks hollow as you suck on him, slowly taking each inch of his length into your mouth until you're hearing Sej moan back against Coryo's lips. You take him out of your mouth, smiling and kissing down your lover's length.
You feel Coryo shift as Sej's hand moves to cup the man's cheek.
Coryo has no thoughts in his head, just the feeling of Sej's mouth and tour hand consuming every fiber of his being. And with these blank, desire filled thoughts, he turns on his side to kiss Sej deeper, but the movement angles his cock just enough that his tip brushes up against Sej's.
That small amount of friction makes Coryo's abdomen tighten and he's spilling himself onto your lips and Sej's cock.
Sejanus breaks away from the kiss with Coryo and meets your eyes. When he sees the mess Coryo's made on you and on himself, it triggers his own release and you stuff the tip of his cock into your mouth so you can take every drop he has.
When he's done and you've rested your head on his thigh, replaying everything that happened, you notice Coryo's head pushed into one of your pillows and you sit up, cupping his cheeks and turning his head to look at you.
"don't be embarrassed, that was the hottest fucking thing i've ever seen, okay?" And Coryo can't even look you in the eye cause you've still got his cum on your lips and chin, but he nods in your hold.
Sej leans over you to wrap his arm around you and Coryo, finding Coryo's hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.
let's chat about sejanus, coryo, or both, here :)
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kalims · 1 year
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[ 10:50 ] — leona kingscholar needs to stop using his authority for you
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"what the hell is this,"
you can't help but blank out at the several savanaclaw residents all individually holding fans that vary in size and color. they're all lined up in a surprisingly coordinated line and are currently heaving their items upwards to downwards repeatedly.
basically they're fanning you?
despite your clear equally confused and horrified reaction leona lays down in a long, comfortable chair a few distances away from you. it might be a good point to add that he's also receiving the end of cold air the students are generating so you can't help but think that he's obviously the person behind this.
apart from the backround characters who are sacrificing sore arms at his expense. leona had taken it upon himself to get comfortable, his hands are behind his bed. he peeks them open to cast you a glance. "what?"
your movements stutter from pointing at the students behind him and then at leona, holding a lost face. "uh—you can't just force your residents into labor," you wince and emphasize with the pained grimace one of them displays.
heck, they're getting red in the face.
leona, who raises a brow at you like he didn't do just that pauses at you before scowling. "weren't you the one complaining all about the heat yesterday? I'm doing you a favor that's all," he explains and your jaw drops.
but that was normal! who would even assemble some type of.. club dedicated to fanning people? you just said it in the moment as an expression!
plus it really was hot. at this point if you told leona it was too cold he'd probably get about a hundred heaters installed in the dorm.
"but that was literally a joke, If I knew you'd do this to these poor students I wouldn't have said it at all," even if you're technically siding with them they still manage to side eye you a look that tells you they're offended.
and from your experience they probably think that you saw them as people who can't handle the heat.
figuratively and literally.
leona and his acts of service can get a little out of hand after all. you promised you'd be careful with whatever you'd say but it's hard now when you honestly just wanna joke around.
last time you jested about a room in savanaclaw that isn't leona's he actually made it work and boom, there's now a vacant one beside his own. though leona said that there's no need because you inhabit his own room so much that you can practically call it your own.
which isn't exactly wrong..
"you guys can go, if you want," you gesture at the group who falters for a second.
then leona looks at them over his shoulder.
"anyone?"
they all stiffen up and yell. "no dorm leader!" and another exclaims something about being glad to even work for leona while the others quickly fall into sounds of agreement.
you huff at leona who's thoroughly enjoying the artificial breeze created by human labor. his hair is flowing with the direction of it which gives you all the more reassurance that he's enjoying this much more than he bargained for.
"you're scaring them," you deadpan, and he shrugs. "fear demands respect, they respect me that's all,"
"aren't you gonna join me?" he tilts a head to an open space next to him and you're surprised he hasn't taken up the space all on his own and actually reserved a spot for you.
you clear your throat and cross your arms. gee, whatever this was is oddly enticing. you can feel how much heat your body lost from being hit by the side of the wind. you're no longer sweating profusely at the attacks of summer and can only daydream at how heavenly it would be if you were in the middle.
... you're starting to see why leona looks like he's enjoying himself.
"why should I?"
"it's my gift to you, isn't it rude to disregard it just like that?"
oh wow so this whole thing was a gift?
"is this a trap? I know, those fans are poisonous aren't they?"
he deadpans at you. "if I wanted to kill you I'd have done it another way, plus,,, it's not everyday I'm in a good mood enough to spoil you,"
"you call this spoiling?!" in your idea it's quite far from it but whatever he says..
you'd call it forced labor.
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note. this is basically leona taking everything mc says too seriously. he's such a simp fr
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brackenfur · 1 month
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okay so i kind of.......wrote a lot more than i really intended to, but long story short - years ago i had this headcanon/au of sorts that birchpaw/fall saw ashfur and hawkfrost at the lake together, standing over firestar. mostly because when you squint at that whole sequence it kinda doesnt add up in canon, but its not canon that birchfall saw anything - it's just me taking this what if scenario and expanding on a side character
anyways this was kinda a quick project so its not perfect buuuuuut i wrote something so ! enjoy :)
birchpaw is back at camp doing everything he can to avoid the worried looks of his clanmates when his mentor stops him.
"hey, birchpaw," the fur on the back of birchpaw's neck stands up, and he slowly turns to the other tomcat. "are you okay?"
birchpaw does the best he can to keep the nervousness out of his voice as he answers: "i'm fine, ashfur. really. i- uh, i mean, i really just wish i had...been faster, that i had..."
he can't look at ashfur's face. not now, maybe not ever again. he knows that as soon as he meets his eyes, he won't be able to stop asking questions:
what were you doing with a riverclan cat? why didn't you help firestar? did the other cat threaten you? did you-
"you did the best you could, birchpaw," ashfur tells him gently; he pauses, flicking his tail-tip, before murmuring: "come on, let's go over to the apprentice's den to talk. i can tell you're shaken up."
and you're not, birchpaw wants to say, but he's a coward. this is his uncle, his mother's twin, and he doesn't really know what he saw, anyways. maybe ashfur had been standing there, sure. and maybe firestar had been clearly injured, clearly dying - well, ashfur isn't a medicine cat. he couldn't have known that, even if birchpaw had been making a lucky guess. but maybe hawkfrost threatened him, or maybe he lied to him-
you don't believe that at all, he thinks.
but he follows his uncle all the same to the apprentice's den; whitepaw is comforting her father at the medicine cat den while leafpool treats firestar's wound. no one is around - they're all either out searching the territory to make sure hawkfrost didn't have any accomplices, or with firestar's family on the other side of camp.
"you did the best you could to get help as soon as possible, birchpaw," ashfur tells him softly; birchpaw is staring at the grass between his paws, not looking at the other tom. "everyone knows that. i'm sure firestar does, too."
"right."
"but i could scent your fear-scent," ashfur continues, "and it does seem like you didn't go straight back to camp after telling firestar about blackstar. why?"
birchpaw's whiskers quiver. he shouldn't be scared - if anything, ashfur should be worried. he's the one who didn't do enough to help.
but the look in ashfur's eyes. the blank, distant stare as he watched firestar gurgle at his paws.
even the badgers didn't look at sootfur like that after they killed him, birchpaw remembers.
"i....," birchpaw's voice wobbles. "i thought i scented another cat, and i was worried," he clears his throat, trying to stop the shakes, "about you. i thought- i thought maybe you were...in trouble, and i...."
ashfur is quiet for a long time; if birchpaw wasn't so scared - why should i be scared? he's my uncle and my mentor, he wouldn't....he'd never.... - he'd look up, joke with him. pretend like it's all a big joke.
but those eyes. that look. the sounds firestar was making.
"so you didn't go straight back to camp," ashfur says with a disappointed sigh, "and firestar lost a life."
birchpaw's heartbeat skips. his paws shake. "wait," he says, his voice becoming shrill. he doesn't want anyone else to hear, but- what ashfur's saying, it's not...that's not right. that's not how it went. "wait, i- i did go back, as fast as i could, and i told squirrelflight-"
"you waited to tell her, you mean," ashfur tells him, frowning. "and he lost a life because he lost too much blood."
"but i didn't....i'd never..."
"it probably wasn't your intention," ashfur murmurs. "but that's how it happened. what if it was his last life? firestar and i trusted you to do one simple task, and you couldn't do that. you can't even look your uncle in the eye when he's talking to you."
birchpaw quivers as he slowly lifts his eyes to look into his uncles. ashfur's dark blue eyes stare back at him, just as emotionless as they did hours before.
"that's better," ashfur tells him, but it doesn't feel better. all of this is wrong.
"i was just trying to help," birchpaw whispers. "i didn't....i saw..."
"what did you see?" ashfur asks him, with a tone that birchpaw's never heard him use before: it's low, angry.
it's terrifying.
"um," birchpaw stutters. "i don't- i don't know. i don't know what i saw."
i saw you. i saw you and hawkfrost.
"if you don't even know what you saw," ashfur says slowly, "then maybe you shouldn't say anything. not to me, or to your mother. not to firestar."
birchpaw slowly lowers his gaze. how did today end up like this?
"you didn't see anything out there, birchpaw," ashfur continues. "you're an apprentice - you don't know your left paw from your right paw."
"okay."
ashfur stares at him for a long moment, sighing. "i'm not trying to scare you, birchpaw," he murmurs, "but i don't want you to get in trouble for firestar losing his life. sometimes we make mistakes; i don't want this one to be the defining moment of your apprenticehood."
shame burns through birchpaw - shame that he can't stand up to his uncle and tell him that this is all wrong.
but more shame that there's a part of him, deep down, that knows ashfur is right. if birchpaw had been quick enough, firestar wouldn't have lost a life. hawkfrost would've been stopped quicker.
and maybe....maybe ashfur was just trying to help firestar. maybe in some way, he's embarrassed because he couldn't help him, either. is that what this is about? trying to save face, because brambleclaw once again saved the day when ashfur couldn't?
"i want to be a good apprentice."
"and i'll help you do that," ashfur tells him, his voice becoming warmer. "and we'll start by making sure that today stays behind us, forever. okay?"
"okay."
it doesn't feel okay.
--
the rest of his apprenticeship goes by largely uneventfully. ashfur isn't exactly the same as before he and squirrelflight drifted apart, but he never speaks to birchpaw the way that he did the day firestar was injured.
he becomes a warrior by the name of birchfall. he makes friends, falls into an easy routine. he even still spends time with his uncle - with each passing day, the events from that afternoon become a faded memory. sometimes it plays out differently in his mind - there's days where he thinks he did see ashfur try and help firestar. where he heard him tell hawkfrost to go away.
(and maybe it wasn't as bad as he thought it was back then if the memory keeps changing. if it really was so awful, wouldn't it be the same? was he just trying to make ashfur out to be a bad cat?)
everything in thunderclan is mostly calm, until ashfur gets lionpaw as an apprentice.
he's heard cats joke about being jealous when their old mentor gets another apprentice - how it's weird, seeing the cat who taught you everything teaching someone else the same things, telling the same jokes.
he's still ashfur's nephew, so he knows that his former mentor still holds a special place in his heart for him - but it's not exactly that jealousy that other cats talk about that he feels towards lionpaw.
he feels...strange, seeing them together; there's this weird fluttering feeling he gets when he catches ashfur's expression as lionpaw walks away from him.
sometimes he can hear a voice in the back of his mind, screaming at him to go and get between the two of them. to protect lionpaw.
but ashfur....well, it's ashfur. outside of that one afternoon moons before, he's a normal warrior. he wouldn't...
so birchfall does what he did over a year prior; he buries the feelings. he can't trust his eyes - that's what ashfur told him before. he doesn't know his left paw from his right paw.
(except that he's a warrior now, and a damn good one, so why-)
that changes one day, when the talk of thunderclan is how lionpaw and ashfur got into this huge fight - claws drawn, teeth bared. ashfur scratched up pretty badly, spiderleg had told him, shaking his head.
i knew that was going to happen, he's not a medicine cat or particularly gifted, but he knew. he knew, he knew, he knew, he knew.
i knew he was going to hurt him, birchfall watches as lionpaw trudges into camp, surprisingly fine physcially - ashfur is the one with the injuries, blood dripping on the camp floor as he trudges to leafpool's den.
lionpaw is standing there after all is said and done, after cats talk to him to ask him if he's okay. standing there in the center of camp, alone.
birchfall is only foxlengths from him, watching, and the thought slips into his mind easily: i should tell him that i know what ashfur is really like. that i saw the same look in his eyes that he probably saw. that he watched firestar die inches from his paws and did nothing to help him.
he almost does it, too. the memories from that day come back, flooding his vision - ashfur's dark expression. the white flash of hawkfrost's teeth. firestar's gurgles.
i'm so sorry, firestar.
"why are you staring at me?"
birchfall snaps out of it quickly; lionpaw is staring at him, amber eyes narrowed.
"what?" birchfall blinks. "i wasn't staring at you."
"yeah, you were," lionpaw tells him, shaking his head. "weirdo." lionpaw hisses under his breath.
and before birchfall can say anything, do anything, hollypaw and cinderpaw bound up to him to talk to him, stealing the moment away.
birchfall watches the apprentices for a couple more seconds before he turns away.
he didn't see anything that day. it's his fault that firestar lost a life, anyways. that's all anyone would be able to see - firestar is one pawstep closer to being gone forever because of him.
--
birchfall keeps his word for the moons to come; lionblaze becomes a warrior with hollyleaf and cinderheart. whitewing - his longest friend, the molly who withheld her warrior ceremony for him, just so he wouldn't be alone,
(and was there for him on the nights when all he dreamt of was the lakeshore, never asking him what woke him up shaking)
well, they become closer and closer until they're not really just friends anymore, and one morning she bounds up to him to tell him that she's carrying his kits. that leafpool had just told her moments before, and she couldn't wait to find him.
and it finally feels like maybe birchfall is at peace - maybe starclan isn't angry with him after all. maybe that one thing that birchfall didn't do years ago - it'll be okay. firestar is alive and happy, with grandchildren now.
the fire rages through thunderclan not long after, but thankfully there's no casualities - he grew up hearing the stories of the one from years ago, back in the old territory before he was born, and he's glad that everyone was okay this time.
well.
he heard berrynose say that everyone had been looking for squirrelflight, her kits, and ashfur for awhile - that ashfur had turned up, laughing. he wouldn't say what was so funny, though.
he didn't think much of it, until he saw the way ashfur was acting after the fire. the way he leered after squirrelflight and her kits; hollyleaf's eyes glaring back in defiance, lionblaze's hackles raised, jayfeather's avoidance.
i don't want any part in this, he thinks, focusing on whitewing and their future together. i didn't see anything. i don't know anything. ashfur isn't dangerous.
he repeats the mantra more often than he'd like; at night, he dreams of the lakeshore for the first time in years and wakes up shuddering against spiderleg's side. his older brother shakes him off, confused, but birchfall can't meet his gaze, or anyone elses.
i didn't see anything. i didn't see anything. i didn't-
and then just like that, one day ashfur is found dead on their territory.
someone said that a patrol found him in a river, throat torn out.
it doesn't feel real to birchfall until he sees his uncles body laid out in the center of camp, with ferncloud's muzzle pressed into his fur.
that's my uncle, he thinks as he watches spiderleg lead icepaw and foxpaw to their mother, trying to comfort her. he was my mentor.
you don't know what you saw. it's ashfur's voice, clear as day in his mind as he watches his clanmates gather around the tomcat. you don't know your left paw from your right paw. you're just an apprentice; how can anyone trust you after what you did?
firestar walks over to ferncloud and dustpelt, murmuring a few kind words to them. birchfall can hear his leader's voice carrying over the wind, mentioning something about dogs, about bravery.
he watched you lose a life, birchfall wants to scream, but he can't move. he stood there and watched you gargle for breath and did nothing.
birchfall shuts his eyes. no. no, it was because of me, because i decided to take too long to go back to camp, his mind can't decide what's right or wrong. it's my fault, that's what....that's what ashfur says, and...and now he's dead, so....
"birchfall," whitewing's voice is soft; he jolts, eyes wide as he looks at his mate. she leans against him, whiskers drooping. "this is so sad. i mean....ashfur, i just- i just talked to him yesterday. he was asking me about the kits, if i was feeling okay..."
you wouldn't want to be with me if you knew what i did, ashfur had never threatened him after that day, but birchfall knew that was what his uncle was conveying to him every time they talked after that day. that he could tell everyone, and everyone would know it was birchfall's fault that firestar lost a life.
or....or wait, maybe that wasn't right. not anymore.
maybe he should blame himself for not saying anything all these years. he could've told firestar and had ashfur punished, and he didn't.
the realization burns deep in his chest; he can barely register what whitewing is saying.
ashfur knew that if you said something, any cat could probably figure out that something about his story didn't add up, birchfall thinks, his heart thudding. and you were just too stupid to realize you could have said something years ago.
"birchfall?" whitewing says, frowning. "hey, birchfall. are you okay?"
birchfall's fur raises. "i'm okay," he tells her, taking a deep breath. "all things....you know, considering, i..." he shakes his head. "i'm gonna get some air, okay?"
whitewing touches her nose to his. "i'm here, you know that, right? i've been here for you since we were 'paws."
that stings more. i could have told you years ago, birchfall touches his nose back to hers, and turns away. i can't say anything now. she'd never trust me again, i kept this secret from everyone because i was too scared of my uncle. and now he's dead, and now....
birchfall resigns himself not to think about it anymore. he can't.
he can't. he won't.
--
after his daughters are born, birchfall wants this to be his new purpose in life.
forget about the lakeshore. the foxtrap. hawkfrost. ashfur. firestar is fine now; thunderclan is fine. sure, maybe there's been some earth-shattering secrets that have been revealed, but- all in all, they're mostly fine.
ivypaw and dovepaw mean the world to him; he can't imagine being without them.
he looks at them and wants to do right by them; they'll never know the fear he's carried for all this time, the same.
he'll teach them to say something if they see something; to be outspoken, brave.
but he can barely keep his head above water; it started when he met a cat from the dark forest one night. who promised him that he could make up for the mistake he made years ago; that he could do right by firestar. by thunderclan.
he trains every night but it doesn't make the shame go away. it won't scrub off after he bathes himself. nothing works.
it's not until the wall is lifted over his eyes - after his daughter, ivypool, a warrior grown - tells him what the true intention of the dark forest was.
all the moons he spent there, training, trying to prove that he could make up for what he did - gone.
and after the battle with the dark forest, both his mother and firestar are dead - killed by the cats that birchfall wanted to impress. wanted to show that he could be better, that he could be stronger.
how did everything go so wrong? he thinks as he watches his father crouched over his mother. dustpelt won't even look at him; he doesn't know about firestar, but he knows about the dark forest. and he hates him - despises him for training with the cats who are responsible for ferncloud's death.
he's right.
"birchfall," whitewing's voice jolts him out of his thoughts. "please. i want to talk."
it was inevitable - he knows that it's over between them at this point. he follows her out of camp regardless, deep into the territory. there's birds in the trees, chirping quietly amongst themselves, and everything is in bloom, yet nothing is beautiful to him at this moment.
whitewing turns to face him, her green eyes sad. "can you just tell me why?"
birchfal looks down at his paws, just like he did years before when ashfur told him to keep quiet.
"i'm sorry," he tells her, and she scoffs.
"i'm sorry isn't an explanation," she meows. "just....why, birchfall? why would you train with cats like that? and why- our daughter was there too, why wouldn't you try and convince her not to? what's wrong with you?"
i'm a coward.
"that's still not an answer," he hadn't realized he said it aloud. he finally looks up at his mate - probably soon to be ex-mate. "you need to talk to me. you're not a 'paw anymore."
and for some reason that burns more than anything else.
you're not a 'paw. you should have said something. you should have told everyone what you saw. and you didn't. it's your fault. all your fault. everything-
"i need to tell you something," he finally says; the story is bubbling at the surface. ashfur is long dead. firestar is dead. his family hates him. whitewing is going to leave him anyway; what else does he have to lose? brambleclaw might exile him, might not; he might not care what birchfall does.
whitewing is silent; birchfall opens and shuts his mouth a few times, trying to find the words, until he meows:
"i saw what happened to firestar on the lakeshore, that day when hawkfrost from riverclan died."
whitewing frowns; she looks taken aback, and blinks a few times.
"i....ashfur...he told me that he scented blackstar on our territory," the memory comes back hazy at first, but starts to clear as he goes on: "he said to tell firestar about it. i did, but....a few minutes later when i was heading back, i could scent another cat. and i remembered ashfur was out there, and i was worried for him, so i followed him and the other cat so i could protect him. and..."
the gurgling. the look on ashfur's eyes. the sound of the water lapping at the shore.
"ashfur was standing with hawkfrost over firestar's body. he was caught in the foxtrap and....ashfur, he...." birchfall shuts his eyes. "you should've seen how he looked. he didn't care at all that firestar was dying. i ran away, i didn't....i didn't know what to do. i thought maybe i didn't see anything at all, so i just told squirrelflight what ashfur had said about blackstar when i saw her. i thought....i thought maybe if she caught ashfur and hawkfrost, it'd....she'd know what to do, more than i would....."
birchfall stares at his paws. "when i got back to camp and brambleclaw had killed hawkfrost, ashfur told me....he said i didn't see anything, and it was easier to pretend i didn't see anything. and he was...he was right - i should've just gone back to camp right away. i should've just done the right thing, not been a stupid 'paw. i should've...it's my fault that firestar lost a life. he'd still be here right now if i just had listened back then, 'cus he'd have an extra life, and..."
birchfall trails off, shaking. "so that's...that's why i wanted to train at the dark forest. because i let firestar down. because i didn't say anything all these years, and i should've....i mean, what if ashfur had hurt someone else? and i just sat there and let it happen."
it takes him a moment after everything spills out to realize that whitewing is very quiet; he finally looks up at his mate.
she looks so sad watching him; and there's a bit of anger in there, too.
"he threatened you?" whitewing finally says; birchfall winces.
"i don't....maybe, it doesn't really matter."
"you were his apprentice and his nephew," whitewing tells him firmly. "of course it matters. he knew he was manipulating you, and that you just wanted to please him, so you'd do anything to make sure you wouldn't make trouble."
whitewing's tail lashes, and she shakes his head. "that- i can't believe he did that to you, that he made you think...."
"whitewing, it's-"
"it's not your fault, birchfall," her voice is gentle, yet he can tell she's holding back so much rage, rage for ashfur, pain for firestar's death. "if you really think for one second that you have anything to do with firestar laying in that clearing right now, you're completely wrong. that was tigerstar, first of all, and ashfur's fault years ago."
"but-"
"you went to help your mentor, and you were intimidated into keeping this a secret," she tells him, stepping closer. "and now you think that because you didn't say anything, that that's worse than what he did."
"i should have said something," birchfall tells her, harsher than he means to. "i mean - for starclan's sake, whitewing, i- i saw, and i didn't do anything. i'm no better than he is-"
"you are twice the cat that ashfur was," whitewing meows firmly. "and if i had even....if i saw him right now, i'd slash his ears for doing that to you."
whitewing shakes her head, looking at him. "all these years," she whispers, frowning, "all these years, and we- when you were in the apprentices den, having nightmares..."
"you couldn't have known," he mumbles. "i didn't tell you."
"and then....birchfall, i..." she presses her noses into his neck; birchfall is stiff from shock.
"i thought you were breaking up with me," he tells her, aghast; whitewing sucks in a breath, pulling away.
"what?"
"why not? after the dark forest, all of this...."
"i'm disappointed in you for training with the dark forest," she tells him softly. "but your mother is dead, and you....you've been holding this in for years, birchfall. i can put off asking you about the dark forest for awhile; i.....i didn't know. all these years, and i had no idea you were punishing yourself for ashfur's crimes."
when she puts it like that, a small - a tiny one, really, nothing huge - light begins to flick in his mind.
i've been punishing myself, he thinks, and it strangely makes a lot of sense - thinking about the lake all these years has felt like punishment. refusing to get close to firestar out of shame was his way of punishing himself, telling himself what he did was wrong.
"i don't know if i can tell anyone else," birchfall tells her in a whisper; whitewing nods, brushing her muzzle against his.
"that's okay," she meows, "because now i know, and now i can shoulder it with you."
"it's not a very romantic secret." he doesn't say it like a joke, but she still smiles a little.
"it's not," she shrugs. "but no one helped birchpaw back then; i'm here for you now."
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mitsies · 1 year
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it takes a lot to get nagi seishiro up in the mornings.
really, you think you've tried it all. loud alarms on your phone, prodding and poking (ranging from painstakingly gentle to probably a little too rough), faux-threats of the apartment complex being on fire- yeah, you've had your fair share of attempts.
but really, nothing seems to work better than your absence.
it is, in itself, a very difficult task to untangle yourself from your sleeping boyfriend's hold. over the years, you've gradually grown less and less cautious, opting to roll him over rather than taking the time to worm your way out of his arms. it's one such morning, one where you have to practically heave the man off of you in order to begin getting ready for the day, does a sleepy, rough voice interject your flow.
"why're you up?"
if it wasn't so quiet in your apartment you'd have missed his words. turning to your bed, you see nagi, blinking drowsily, eyes drooping with sleep. he's propped up on his forearms, on the pillows, and the thin blanket covering his torso slides down revealing an expanse of pale skin. you blink at him before snapping your stare away.
"i have work early today, remember?"
you feel his blank gaze burning holes into the back of your neck as you adjust your hair in the mirror before you.
"but how am i supposed to sleep?"
you turn back skeptically. "uh.. like normal?"
his lips flatten into a displeased expression. "i can't without you here."
"you do it all the time, sei. i think you're asleep more than you're awake."
he blinks at you, unimpressed. you smile back, and add on: "or maybe- crazy idea, but you could get up with me?"
somehow, your boyfriend seems even more unamused with your retort. you didn't even think it possible. "or we compromise and you come back to bed."
a huff of laughter escapes you and a sliver of a grin cracks his stoic expression. "that's no compromise. i still have work, y'know."
"but m' so tired."
"and i'm so busy."
you give him a pointed look before turning back to the mirror. behind you, a rustling can be heard. footsteps. and then, a voice- close, so close. nagi stands behind you, proximity dizzying even though he's been closer before. he's bent down to where you sit at your vanity, and you feel his hot breath against the shell of his ear: "okay. compromise. i get up now, and we come to bed early."
he's warm and you let your shoulder press into his arm, a smile on your face. "sounds like a good deal to me."
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dotster001 · 9 months
Note
Hi lovely! May I ask for the twisted wonderland dorm leaders reaction to piercings. (Nipples, septum, lip, industrial, bridge etc))
A/N: I wasn't sure if you meant on reader or them....so I did all of the above! Hopefully I hit what you were looking for 😂
3k masterlist
CW: religious fear in Riddle's part, but it's an if you know you know kind of thing 😂 😭
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 In general, Riddle will always start out as anti piercing. His mother raised him that piercings are from the devil (or the devil equivalent in twst) and should be ever pierce his body with a needle, he would be thrown in the fiery flames for all eternity. So…he's anti piercing
That said, if he had to pick one he wanted, he'd go for a navel piercing. That way, the gods (and his mother) would never know he had it. He'd probably go for a simple ruby.
He doesn't react too much to piercings on other people. He just never thinks about it, even though he's always thinking about it for himself. So your piercings wouldn't phase him.
He's simplistic. A favorite piercing he'd have for you, is a simple nose stud. Maybe a ruby to match his hypothetical navel stud.
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I'm totally blanking on what he looks like, but if he doesn't have piercings now, he will as soon as he's out of the public eye. Once Cheka is of age, he knows no one will care about the "delinquent second born" and he's free to do what he wants without judgment.
He'd go for a single stud on one side, a nose ring, a navel ring, and probably one lip piercing so that it glitters when he smirks.
He doesn't care if you have piercings. Obviously, it's sexy as hell if you do, but whatever, it's your life.
His favorite on you is, surprisingly, a basic earring. He likes to gently pull them with his teeth when he's feeling particularly flirty or needy.
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He won't have piercings ever. It would affect his businessman facade. That said….if he ever got a piercing, he would want a single dangle earring so he can match the twins. Maybe a conch shell?
Another one who doesn't mind it on you. And his favorite one you? Tongue piercing. Not that he'll ever admit it…because it's his favorite due to him liking the feel against his tongue when your tongue is down his throat…the taste of iron filling his senses along with your signature smell….ahem. He uh he means he likes a typical earring on you. yup yup.
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Pierced everywhere. He likes shiny things. There was no stopping him.
He would like you pierced top to bottom, so that he can shower you in even more gold and jewels. He loves to see you shimmer, and hear you jangle. Piercings just add to it. 
But if he had to choose a favorite spot, it's regular lobe and cartilage piercings on your ears. Then he can still see the shimmer 😁 he loves to decorate along your ears with chains and jewels, thinks it's so pretty
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He has regular ear piercings. I'm sorry, a man who looks that hot in red heels is ready to wear a set of pearl drop earrings at a moments notice. He's modeled a hundred sexy looks in those hypothetical earrings, and you can't tell me otherwise. Maybe he takes them out for school so that when his fellow students decide to get in a fight, he doesn't have to hand them to Rook Everytime.
He wants you in pearl earrings to….just saying. He thinks you'll be so pretty, so professional, with a set of pearls; pearl choker, pearl bracelet, pearl earrings (does this feed into his desire to dress you like a doll? Maybe)
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Out of everyone, he's the one who would get nipple piercings. Probably after watching some anime where the tough guy had gold nipple hoops. Subtle but enough of a character design that Idia snuck past Ortho to go get some himself.
He's gonna think any piercings you have are sexy. Nipple piercings? Bad ass. Navel? Show him that tummy. Lip piercing? Kiss him. I mean what?
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Man wears black classy earrings. Doesn't really branch out, but that's fine. He looks hot.
He loves if you have piercings. It adds to his delusions about you, like "look at my rebellious little human". Mal Mal, it's just a nose ring? It's a common piercing in many cultures? Not a big deal? He's never gonna hear you over his delusions, babe
His fave on you? Navel and nipple. Because our Victorian man thinks seeing either is such a scandalous treat, and sends a thrill down his spine. Such intimate places, and he gets to see them! How thrilling! Humans are so brave these days!
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waddingham · 27 days
Note
oH Ted as the 'someone coming every week to cook and stock her fridge with meals'!! your brain does so much good work and I am so thankful we get to reap the benefits <33
yeah!!!!!! and i couldn't think straight until I got rid of it!!! here take this it's killing me!!
×
She begs Phillip to keep her on. She begs him, tries to double his fee even, to keep him from total retirement, but he's steadfast in his decision. 
The thought of hunting down another chef is horrific. But he gives her no choice. 
She blows through them like tissues for three months, suffering over-complicated meals, over-powering flavors, chefs clearly trying to impress as if she wants a Michelin star meal every night. She doesn't – if that was what she wanted she knows exactly where to get it. 
When she's at home she just wants good food, that's easy to reheat and easy to eat. Which is how she ends up finally succumbing to Leslie's repeated insistence that she give his man a chance.
“He comes over once a month,” he tells her, more than once. “Puts together some things we can freeze and just pop in the oven. Simple enough for the boys to do it, so Julie and I can have at least a couple evenings where they can feed themselves.”
He brightens when she gives and asks for his info, and when she gives him a call, she's struck dumb hearing his American accent.
She's running out of options, so she takes a chance on him.
×
She taps her fingers on the counter, waiting for the doorbell, checking her watch when she finally hears it. He's perfectly on time, but she feels like she's already searching for a reason to be disappointed with him.
He has a pleasant smile for her, though, and a friendly demeanor and a firm handshake and a handsome face – none of which she can immediately find fault in as they introduce themselves.
“I'm sure you're busy,” he says as she leads him to the kitchen. “So I appreciate you taking the time to let me peek at the kitchen and ask you a couple questions.”
“Of course,” she says, used to the procedure by now. Most of them have some kind of sheet they have her fill out, usually via email, but she doesn't mind taking a moment to meet the person who's going to be cooking her food.
“Oh, this is nice,” he compliments, looking around the kitchen, as he sets down the backpack hooked on his shoulder.
“Thank you,” she says, gesturing for him to claim a stool. “Though you can probably infer from your presence that it gets little use.”
“That's okay, I'll go easy on it,” he chuckles, pulling a binder from his bag and opening it up on the counter. “First, though, I wanna make sure I know what I'm cooking.”
He doesn't have a questionnaire or the like, it seems. The lined paper in front of him is blank before he scrawls her name at the top.
“How many people am I cooking for, first of all?” he says without looking up.
She licks her lips, her gaze shifting. 
“Just me.” She keeps her tone matter-of-fact. She hopes.
The way he glances up makes her doubt whether she managed it.
“Makin’ it easy on me already,” he says with a soft smile, adding a 1 to the corner of his sheet. “You have any allergies or dietary restrictions?” 
“No,” she says, then adds, “Though, I do have the tendency to drop meat for a while every so often.”
“A part-time vegetarian?”
She cracks half a smile. “Sure.”
“Okay,” he chuckles. “What kinda meals are you after? Breakfast, lunch, dinner?”
“Dinner, mostly, though I won't say no to the occasional breakfast. Mostly out of curiosity.”
She doesn't think any of the chefs she's hired have offered to make breakfasts.
“I make a mean frittata,” he grins. “What do you like, then? What are some of your favorites, so I can get a feel for what you want?”
“When I eat at home, I want quick and easy,” she says. “The less steps for me, the better. I don't want extravagant, elaborate meals. Shepherd's pie, any kind of pasta, soups, salads. Fish, chicken, red meat on occasion, not every week preferably. Anything veg heavy will probably be a hit with me.”
He nods, taking rapid notes in what must be a very familiar format to him. He fires off a few more questions for her, elaborating a bit further on what she likes before switching gears.
“Anything you absolutely don't want?”
“Not especially,” she says. “I don't like to limit a new chef too soon. I'd rather you make me your best and I'll let you know.”
“Uh oh,” he smiles.
He does that a lot.
“Am I on trial?”
She opens her hands up, giving him a small smile and he chuckles.
“I've had six chefs in ten weeks,” she tells him. “So yes, maybe a little bit.”
“Why didn't they fit the bill?” he asks curiously. “So I can avoid a similar fate.”
“I don't think they quite believed me when I told them how simple I wanted things,” she says. “Too many sauces and sides and heat this up separately and put this on this. If I want a five course meal, I know where to get one. When I get home from work, I want to throw something in the oven or dump it on a plate and microwave it, not anything glamorous.”
He looks pleased to hear it – he seems to actually relax slightly, as if he'd been uncertain he could deliver on what she wanted.
“Well, I can guarantee you that going too fancy will not be a problem with me,” he says, writing a few more things down. “I'm used to basic.”
“Good.”
“I've got Tuesday afternoons free, if we're doing every week.”
She nods.
“Between noon and four, if that works for you.”
“I'll be at work, so you'll have free reign,” she says, opening a drawer on the island and pulling a house key from it. “Make yourself at home.”
“Alrighty,” he says, taking it from her. She watches him pull a roll of masking tape and a ring of maybe half a dozen keys from his bag. He rips off a piece of tape and labels it with an RW before adding it to the keyring. 
“If you ever have any requests, that number you have is my cell. Shoot me a text before Tuesday if you want it that week, or you can leave me a note.”
“Okay.”
“And let me know if you think of anything else you want me to know,” he says, starting to pack everything away again. “If you hate olives or can't stand Bleu cheese.”
“I love olives,” she says emphatically. “And there's no kind of cheese I will refuse.”
“Cheese is the best, right?” he remarks. “They're all good. Yellow, white, hard, soft. Even stinky, moldy…still good.”
She snorts a bit, but fully agrees.
“I'm pretty much always stocked with fresh mozzarella to nibble on so feel free to help yourself.”
“Oh, don't tell me that,” he says, shaking his head. “I'll clean you out every week.”
She chuckles as he throws his backpack over his shoulder. 
She sees him out, intrigued now to see what he cooks up for her.
×
When she gets home on Tuesday, there's a delicate cacophony of smells hanging in the air and she remembers for the first time today – after a long, trying weekend – that Ted was meant to come.
And apparently did.
The kitchen is spotless (thank God – chef number two had a tendency to slack on the cleaning up bit) and she eagerly makes her way to the fridge.
Each covered pan has a strip or two of tape on top – 35 minutes @ 175° the small square one requests. Thank God. One singular step.
If it tastes like shit, she's going to cry.
It reveals itself to be a lasagna and she flips the oven on, lets it get hot while she peeks at the rest of what he's made, then pops it in the oven while she goes upstairs and gets comfortable.
She notices the extra pan by the kettle when she comes back down, this one without a lid, left on a trivet. 
Three neat rows of shortbread lie within it, a note flat on the counter in front of it.
A little extra treat – maybe a bribe so I don't end up being Disappointing Chef Number 7 – and a thanks for giving me a shot. I'm told these are a winner with a cup of tea. 
He's signed it with a mustached smiley face that makes her chuckle.
They smell divine. She can't resist prying one up and taking a bite.
“Oh, fuck me,” she mutters to herself, looking at the biscuit with a bit of wonder as it melts on her tongue, perfectly sweet and salty.
Oh, wow. She glances at the oven, then the pan in front of her.
She might have struck gold.
×
Everything is delicious. He's clearly not a professional five star chef, but every bite has her in disbelief.
It's just so good. She was skeptical, but he even nails a shepherd's pie for her, dumping cheese on top without her even requesting it. Nothing is unpleasant or poorly made, nothing has her thinking to text him and tell him she didn't love it. His portions are more than enough for her and she frequently takes what's left to the office with her. She has never taken lunch with her to work. Ever.
His cooking tastes like dining at a friend's house, like family made it, like he loves cooking for people and puts it in every bite.
And the biscuits. She finished the pan before the week was even out, unable to help herself.
She's a little bit devastated when there are none on the following Tuesday. 
She leaves a note the next time she expects him.
Any chance for biscuits again? 
She's ecstatic to find a fresh pan when she gets home.
She's nursing her last three by the weekend, determined to make them last long enough to request more.
×
I hope no notes is a good thing?
She's been meaning to text him, tell him how pleased she is with everything he's made, but it continued to slip her mind.
How am I doing?
No notes is a very good thing, she sends back. Everything has been absolutely delicious.
Oh good :)
I love to hear it
The biscuits have become a problem though
No biscuits next week then?
God no
I'm hooked on them
Don't do that to me
You got it boss
×
She almost laughs at herself when she gets home.
She's turning down dinner dates and good-looking men in favor of a date with the container labeled prosciutto stuffed chicken breast in her fridge that she's been thinking about all day.
He'd probably get a kick out of the fact that his food is so good it's ruining her dating prospects, but that's most definitely not something she'll be telling him.
She gets herself a little bit of this week's salad while she waits on the oven – romaine with candied walnuts, dried cranberries, gorgonzola, sliced green apple with a deliciously sharp vinaigrette. She peruses the fridge in her typical Wednesday fashion – on Tuesday evenings she's made a habit of grabbing the first thing she sees and letting him surprise her – looking for the small container of sauce that the lid of the chicken makes mention of.
She chuckles when she sees it. Some of his notes on things have gotten more elaborate, sometimes teasing, sometimes with a wine pairing suggestion, sometimes just with a little smiley face. The lid for the sauce only says creamy pesto, but there's masking tape wrapped in a spiral over its sides, covered with writing.
I know, I'm gonna get in trouble for making a separate sauce for something but all you gotta do is dump it on when it's done! It's worth the extra step I promise! 
She snickers around her salad, setting it on the counter. 
It's well, well worth the extra step.
×
When she gets home on Tuesday, she's unexpectedly greeted by a strong, delicious smell and noise from the kitchen. She leaves her heels and her coat before turning into the kitchen.
Ted's at the stove, looking almost mortified as he immediately starts apologizing.
“I'm sorry, Rebecca, I'm so behind today, but this is my last one and then I'll clean up and get out of here–” he rambles, but she's taking him in more than listening. Namely, she's taking in his tired bloodshot eyes and his disheveled hair and the way his hands shake as he gestures to the mess of the kitchen. 
“I'm sorry–”
“No, Ted, it's alright,” she insists. “It's not a problem.”
“I'm almost done.”
“Are you okay?” she asks gently.
“Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, I just need to finish this…”
She frowns and rounds the island, unconvinced and unsettled – he's almost frantic with energy.
“Come here.” 
He frowns as she pulls him away from the stove.
“No, it'll burn–”
“In which case I'll survive with one less meal,” she says firmly, pushing him to the dining table. “Sit.”
He does – reluctantly – and she gets him a glass of water.
“Take a deep breath. Relax,” she insists before stepping to the stove. The pan there has a sauce in the making, a plate of meatballs next to it, as well as a pot of water getting hot.
“What needs done here?” she asks.
“I can–”
“Stop,” she commands, lifting a brow at him before he can rise. “Sit. Just tell me.”
“The, the cream needs to go in,” he says. “Give it a second, then the other two little bowls there, the Dijon and the Worcestershire and then the spices.”
“Okay,” she says, keeping her voice steady, hoping it'll relax him, show him she's far from upset that he's still here.
She follows his instructions, pouring the measuring cup of cream in and mixing it with the little whisk that's already there. She lets it get hot, then adds the rest, stirring it in.
“What am I making?” she asks with a small smile.
“Swedish meatballs,” he supplies, sounding distracted. “One of my favorites.”
“Swedish, hmm?”
“Well, I can't speak to them being authentic,” he says. “Recipe was my mom's. And she's definitely not Swedish.”
It smells delicious – whatever spices she just added were warm and aromatic and it makes her mouth water.
“What next?”
“Uh, turn the heat down and let it simmer,” he says. “Needs to thicken.” 
She dutifully turns the stove down and then joins him, taking a seat next to him. 
“What's wrong?”
“Nothing,” he deflects, “I'm fine. Just…didn't sleep so good and then this morning was…I'm fine.”
She doesn't push, seeing how much effort he's putting into forcing a smile and changes course.
“Do you have anywhere else to be today?” she asks.
“No, no, you're my last client on Tuesdays.”
“Then stay,” she insists, gesturing to the stove. “Looks like enough for two.”
“I shouldn't,” he tries, shaking his head. “I should get out of your hair.”
“You're not in my hair,” she asserts. “I would enjoy the company and I'm most certainly not complaining about getting a meal fresh off the stove.”
He looks her over for a moment, presumably looking for any hint of falsehood before he nods a bit haltingly.
She smiles.
“Should, uh, should put the meatballs back in to finish ‘em,” he murmurs. “And get the noodles on.”
“Yes, chef,” she says, giving him a wink when he finally smiles. 
“I'll do it,” he says, and she lets him this time for how much calmer he seems. She occupies herself by offering him a drink and pouring herself a glass of wine. He accepts a couple fingers of a scotch he's apparently had his eye on for the last few weeks and she watches with interest as he takes a sip.
“Oh, that's nice,” he mutters. 
“The only one I buy anymore.”
“You have excellent taste, I have to say,” he remarks. “Thank you.”
She helps him get the rest of the dinner together and is glad to see him relax more and more, until he's smiling easy as they both sit at the island with bowls of noodles and meatballs.
“Well, it smells fantastic,” she says, eagerly stabbing a forkful of noodles and half a meatball.
It's delicious. Creamy and warm and truly everything about it screams comfort food. 
“Oh, Christ,” she mumbles around it. 
“Yeah? That one a winner?” 
She nods emphatically, eyeing him as she chews.
“Nothing you make is bad,” she mumbles, watching him take his own bite.
“That's ‘cause I only make what I know I can make good for you,” he chuckles. 
“Why's that?” she asks. He can take a chance on her – he's built up plenty of faith in him already. One bad meal isn't going to have her canning him.
“Oh, to impress of course,” he says with a crooked smile that she returns. 
“You've already done so,” she says. “I haven't had a single thing I didn't like.”
“I'm very happy to hear it,” he says, sounding very genuine about it.
They eat slowly because conversation comes very easily. Whether it's the drink or the distraction of her company, he's light-years away from the frazzled ball of anxiety she was met with.
“Safe to assume you don't enjoy cooking much, huh?” he asks her as they both scrape their bowls. 
“I don't think I would mind it if I had ever learned,” she muses. “But I've had a cook for most of my life and learning how now just to feed myself seems more trouble than it's worth.”
“You've had a cook most of your life?” 
“My parents kept one when I was a kid, and then when I was married, my ex-husband insisted on a cook,” she says, half rolling her eyes. “Thank you, by the way, for not inundating me with pork pies and sausage rolls and roasts and dousing everything in gravy.”
“I enjoy a good gravy, but, oof, that's heavy eatin’ right there.”
“Too heavy,” she agrees. “Though my tastes were rarely taken into account.”
He hums as he wipes his mouth and she finds understanding in his eyes.
“How long were you married?” he inquires.
“Twelve years,” she says slowly.
“That's a lot of gravy,” he says more seriously than the words might call for. She hears his meaning plain enough.
“Yes. It was.”
“Well,” his tone brightens a bit, “now you got me to make whatever you please.”
“Too right,” she chuckles, sipping her wine. “And it's always spectacular. I don't know how you do it, what you're lacing everything with…”
“Oh, I just make sure I put a little love in everything, that's all,” he grins.
She takes in the sight of him, smiling and content, his creased eyes warm, and she likes this. She's enjoying this. She likes him. 
It's so hard to know though, even as his eyes move over her face, the quiet stretching long, if she likes him or if she's simply missed enjoying a comfortable meal at home without having to do it alone.
Her eyes drop, aware of how intensely she’s looking at him. She's not sure when it happened but they're both turned completely towards each other on their stools, leaning on the counter, and his fingertips are right there at the edge of hers – the mere straightening of her fingers would bring them into contact.
“I appreciate you letting me stay and have some of your dinner,” he says softly.
“You made it,” she offers with a grin.
“You paid for it,” he returns.
“It's not a problem at all,” she says, meaning it wholeheartedly. “It's nice to have some company.”
“I'm gonna be honest with you, Rebecca, you don't seem like a woman who would have any problem finding company.”
Her brows lift alongside the corners of her mouth, a little internally delighted by his boldness.
“I think I'll take that as a compliment,” she grins.
“As it was meant,” he assures.
“In which case…I'll amend to say it's nice to have such comfortable and easy company.”
His cheeks round, his gaze dropping in something akin to bashfulness and she thinks it really might just be him that's growing on her.
“I’m glad you stayed,” she says, her smile slanting crookedly. “Even if I pretty much made you.”
“I didn't wanna impose. You were very kind to give me a second to…calm down.”
She's not sure if it's embarrassment, exactly, or shame that has him toying with his glass instead of looking at her.
“Felt like I was trying to catch up to myself all day,” he admits.
“I know the feeling,” she sympathizes.
He's quiet for a moment before he responds. 
“My ex-wife was supposed to come out with our son in the next couple weeks here, but she called and they pushed it back until the summer.”
His frown is back and his gaze is faraway, but she doesn't speak.
“Been here for almost a year now and they still seem to be getting on just fine without me.” He sounds like he wishes he could say it with detachment, but it comes out rather devastated. 
“They're in the States?” she asks gently, pulling him back to here and now as he shakes himself a bit. 
“Yes.”
“Why don't you go see them?” she tries, though she's very aware she's got the bare minimum of facts.
“‘Cause I'm still stinging from her snapping that she just needs some goddamn space,” he says, giving her a twisted, wry little grin. 
She frowns but he shrugs, lifting his drink to his lips. 
“S’pose it's about time to just get over it,” he mumbles.
“That's not easy to get over,” she says kindly. “Especially from someone you love.”
“No, it's not,” he agrees. “Ain't much love to lose these days, though. You're probably right, should just take matters into my own hands, hop over the pond.”
“Don't go too long,” she says, only half teasing. “I shouldn't be left to feed myself for a prolonged period of time.”
He smiles again and the sight has warm satisfaction melting in her.
“Oh, if I go anywhere I'll set you up, don't you worry,” he assures her.
“Thank goodness.”
It's odd how difficult she finds it when she rises and steps away. A part of her wants her to stay put, keep the space between them minimal, but she writes it off as a result of just how long it's been since she had sex.
“Now, I don't see any biscuits,” she says. “But I suppose I'll give you a pass this week.”
He rises with a soft chuckle, following her with his own dish to the sink. 
“No, no, I'll do it,” he says as he starts to clean up from dinner. “Unless you need your kitchen back.”
She starts gathering dishes – he must clean as he goes, because it's not nearly the mess she'd imagine would come from cooking four whole dinners. 
“Oh, for what? You think I have a chef on the side coming over tonight?”
He turns, expression scandalized, a hand landing on his chest as if he's been shot.
“Tell me you'd never.”
She chuckles, joining him at the sink, hands full.
They clean up together and then she pours them both another drink before she claims a stool, content to watch as he puts together a batch of biscuits. She watches him move comfortably around the kitchen, chatting easily with her, and it's making an impression, one she's blatantly ignoring.
She half expects him to try to leave her once they're in the oven and has her excuses for him to stay at the ready, but he sits again, waiting the half hour they need to bake at the island with her. He asks her about her job, how she came to own the club, and conversation wanders to and fro.
“I'm intrigued to see what you've cooked up for me this week, chef,” she remarks at one point.
“You know I ain't really a professional chef, right?” he chuckles. “I dropped out of culinary school actually.”
“Really? Why?” 
He lifts a shoulder. “I wasn't having fun. I love cooking, I love making food and feeding people, but I didn't wanna do it the way they train you to, you know, cooking in a restaurant or joining the race to be the next big something. I like doing it this way. Getting to know people and cooking what they like. Feels like I'm paying the bills by cooking for friends and that's…” He clicks his tongue with a nod. “That's just perfect for me.”
“Well,” she says, smiling at how clearly he loves what he does. “You're still a chef. Definitely to me at least.”
He rises when the oven chimes, giving her a smile. 
“That's enough for me.”
The biscuits have filled the kitchen with the warm scent of vanilla – the same scent that's usually still barely lingering when she gets home.
He stays long enough to let them cool slightly and cut them and she watches as he arranges them on the trivet by the kettle, just as he always does. He packs his things up then and she sees him out, exchanging smiles and goodbyes.
She's still smiling when she finally goes upstairs to change for the evening and it takes her a while to identify the feeling.
She feels like she just got home from a really, really good date.
×
It wasn't a date, so she doesn't know why she's disappointed when she doesn't hear from him again over the week. She doesn't contact him either, trying to recategorize the evening in her mind. 
She's very pleasantly surprised, in that case, when she comes home the following Tuesday and he's still there. She knows by the smell of something sweet and nutty filling the air before she even gets to the kitchen. 
It's spotless this time. He's not all anxious energy this time either – he smiles when she peeks in, looking rather uncertain about his welcome, but it still makes something deep in her chest ache.
It's rather nice. To come home to a smile from someone.
“Hi,” he says.
“Hello.” She lets her smile ease his uncertainty and her tone ask her questions for her.
“I, uh, wanted to say thank you,” he explains. “For last week, when I was…when I wasn't feeling so great, for being so kind, letting me hang out for a while.”
She starts to wave it off again, but he continues.
“I made a little something special for ya. Something I can't really leave for you to reheat later,” he says, gesturing to the ovens. “If you want a little snack?”
She nods eagerly, kicking her heels off toward the stairs before she joins him.
He pulls a dish from the oven and sets it on the counter. He fiddles with something there, but she doesn't see what until her turns, sliding a round plate to the center of the island between them.
Whatever it is is perfectly golden brown, looks delicious and smells heavenly.
“Honey baked brie,” he informs her. “With some walnuts and some fig jam, tiny bit of rosemary.”
“Oh my god,” she almost moans. “And it's what, wrapped in pastry?”
“Yes, ma'am,” he smiles. “Thought it might be something you like.”
“I can tell you already you're correct,” she says, rounding the island to find them some forks. “I can't wait to taste it.”
“Let me know how you like it.” She frowns, but he's got a small smile when she looks up. “I'll let you…”
“You think I'm going to eat that entire thing myself?” she asks, lifting her brows as she pulls two forks from the drawer.
“Well, I know how much you like cheese,” he chuckles.
“I'll share,” she says, handing him a fork. “With you.”
She doesn't even have the patience to sit down – she slices her fork through the pastry and creamy brie begins to ooze out. She scoops it up with some pastry, catching a nut and a bit of fig and shoves it in her mouth. 
“Careful, it's hot–”
“Fuck me,” she mutters without thought.
It's delicious. Creamy and sweet and savory, the pastry flaky and buttery. It's rich and indulgent but not sickeningly so and she’s in love.
She's bringing another bite to her mouth when she realizes he's just smiling at her, pleased as punch.
“Please eat some,” she begs around her bite. “Because I can not eat all of this and I will if you leave me alone with it.”
“Alright, alright,” he chuckles, cutting off a bite for himself. 
He hums, pleased with his handiwork. “Mm. Not to toot my own horn, but that's good.”
“Mm!” she hums, getting an idea. She steps away to the wine cooler, squatting down to look for one of her less frequent whites. She comes back with a pair of glasses and an off-dry Riesling.
“This was a bit too bright and citrus-y for me, but it might be gorgeous with this.”
“Okay. You’re the sommelier here, not me,” he says as she pours, then slides a glass to him.
“Oh, please, your pairings are always spot on.”
It does go nicely, complimenting every bite.
“God, this is lovely,” she tells him. 
“I'm glad you like it,” he mumbles around his own bite. 
“Did you make the pastry?”
He shakes his head. “No. Normally I would, but I didn't decide on this until I was shopping today and that takes some time.”
“How long did this take?”
She listens with interest as he explains how he made it, amazed at how straightforward it sounds.
“Christ, it sounds like I could make it.”
“Uh oh,” he says, eyes widening. “Am I talking myself out of a job?”
“Oh, hardly. Even if I figured out how to make everything you cook for me, I'd still keep you around,” she admits. “You’re good company.”
“Well, that's nice to know,” he smiles, eyes soft.
“Also, knowing how to definitely doesn't mean I actually have any desire to cook any of it myself,” she chuckles. “So you still have plenty of use.”
She winks with her teasing as his warm laugh has him tucking his chin, his crows feet deepening. 
“I see how it is.”
She can't help but take him in, delighted by how carefree he is today. God help her, she really does like him – she wants to know him better. He's so genuine, so unselfish and generous, and she wants to keep him smiling.
“Thank you,” she says when she finally really can't eat any more, maybe a quarter of the round of brie left on the plate. “That was very kind of you.”
“No, thank you,” he echoes. “It was nice last week, to sit and eat with someone and I needed it.”
She nods get agreement, leaning her hip against the counter.
“I won't, uh, make a habit of just hanging out here, though,” he says, presumably to reassure her.
Her brows tip, eyes on his as she lets out a disappointed, “No?”
His lips part, but he doesn't manage to form a response. It hardly matters – they're communicating plenty in their gazes, trading glances at each other's lips. The moment stretches, and stretches, her breath changing to suit the surplus beats of her heart at the intensity in his warm eyes.
He leans closer, tipping his head, and something jolts through the center of her when he kisses her. She returns the gentle pressure, daring to part her lips to close them against his. Her fingers curl into her hand at her hip with restraint, fighting the urge to sink into his hair or pull him closer.
It's too delicate, this lovely feeling, and draws a tenderness up through her she hasn't been able to find for months.
He eases back slowly and she catches the breath he stole. Her eyes open, finding his still closed and she watches his parted lips begin to tighten as he fights a smile. The sight inspires one of her own, pulling at her cheeks as he opens his eyes, the smile winning and straightening his mustache out.
“I, um…”
She rolls her lips into her mouth, not even trying for words. She has none.
He can't find any either.
She drives forward again, prepared this time with a little extra breath in her lungs, a little more confidence. He kisses her back with a little more something too and she can't restrain her hands anymore from rising to hold his face. She tries to imbue the motion of her lips with plenty of invitation, but it's not until she pulls back and he follows, wavering toward her, that he steadies himself with a hand on her hip. Her attention goes straight to the heat of it through her dress as it slides to a more respectable height on her waist.
“You are very welcome to linger here as much as you like actually,” she exhales.
“Oh, I feel welcome,” he says, voice low.
She grins, pulling him in again. “Do you?”
“I sure do.” 
He barely gets the words out before they're kissing again. She opens to him, tastes the brie and honey and the dry sweetness of the wine and finds it appropriate that he should be so indulgent. His hands finally make their way around her, narrowing the space between them even more. She's not sure when her arms found their way around his neck but they tighten there in response.
He doesn't let her go far when they part again, dropping a kiss on the corner of her mouth, her cheek. Her eyes close with the sensation, the scratch of his mustache and his warm lips. 
“I really like cooking for you,” he murmurs.
The way he says it makes it sound like a deep confession and she feels silly for how fluttery it makes her to hear. She smiles against his lips and discovers this isn't new information to her. It's in every bite.
“I know you do,” she says low in his ear. “I can taste it.”
“Can you?” He sounds surprised and pleased.
“Yes.” She guides him back to her lips. “I can.”
123 notes · View notes
lonepower · 1 month
Text
ok you know what i need more bodysharing/brain roommates. malevolent got me feeling some kind of way and I need MORE. tvtropes has like 15 different categories that are all sort-of-but-not-really under the umbrella of what I'm looking for, and sorting through all of that is a little too unwieldy, so I'm turning to you guys. 
key factors of the specific flavor of "multiple consciousnesses stuck in the same meat suit" that I'm looking for are:
any variation of, a human (or this universe's equivalent [so like, an elf where elves are commonplace would count]) has another, nonhuman consciousness attached to them and only them in such a way that the two can communicate, and subsequently
they Banter Constantly
^that^ is probably the most important qualifier here tbh
second most important qualifier is that they are not separated at the end (this obv. doesn't apply if the thing is still ongoing). it's okay if the passenger gets a new body (cf. subnautica) or is freed from their binding (cf. baldur's gate), as long as the partnership isn't broken.
Related: they don't actually have to SHARE a body (so enchanted objects, an AI implant, a Mysterious Disembodied Voice, an imaginary friend, etc., also count). they just have to be tethered to each other such that the passenger cannot move around or function on their own without a host. (I think this is part of why it's hard to narrow down on tvtropes: it's more about the dynamic than about the specific mechanism of "possession".)
Third most important qualifier is that only the current host can hear/communicate with the passenger, even if other people around them are aware of the passenger's existence.
two humans stuck in the same body is okay as long as the other criteria are met, but I would prefer it if the host is human(/equivalent) and the passenger is not (or vice versa if the passenger/possessor is the one with control of the body, as with things like the yeerks, most demonic possession, etc).
it doesn't have to be romantic. they don't even have to like each other. conversely, it absolutely can be romantic too.
They DO have to be the POV character/s for a significant majority (like, at least 60-75%) of the work, because the internal back-and-forth is the entire point.
Bonus points if: they do actually share a body; they are either never physically separated either, or are rejoined at the end (voluntarily or otherwise); passenger has lots of setting-relevant knowledge/an alien or fantastical perspective, while host shows passenger what it's like to be Alive™; despite constantly butting heads, host and passenger work patently better as a team; super extra bonus points for all of the above 
My favorite examples of what I am looking for:
Malevolent podcast (super extra bonus points x10000000000000000)
Venom movies (this is probably the codifier for most people here tbh) (super extra bonus points)
Subnautica: Below Zero (AL-AN gets their own body but stays with Robin, and it hits all of the others)
Forspoken (super extra bonus points)
the "a bagel. two bagels." vine
(I know there's a couple others that I'm just blanking on. If I remember them, I'll add them.)
other things that have moments or flavors of this, but aren't focused on it/don't quite hit all of them:
the Bartimaeus trilogy had it at the end a little, but, well. it didn't last very long. (i STILL haven't recovered from that ending and i was, what? 15 or something? g o d)
the emperor in bg3 kiiiinda counts since they're magically bound to the player/party and can't exist outside their prison, but they do have their own body and are not nearly as chatty as I'm  looking for. also, while only the holders of the prism can hear them, All of the holders of the prism can hear them and I'd really prefer one-on-one.
I think Death Note would also count? I read it in like 6th grade and never finished it so my memory is patchy At Best, but since nobody else can interact with Ryuk, he's bound to whoever holds the notebook, and he's the supplier of the holder's powers, it's close enough that I would accept something similar.
Slay the Princess has the bickering in spades and fulfills the "do not separate" criterion depending on your ending, although the jury's out on whether the voices are Actually their own entities or just symptoms of you losing it. Also, nobody in it is human. The bickering is definitely good enough to make up for it though. (The fact that it's Jonny Sims clearly having a grand old time might have something to do with it...)
with the caveat that I have not watched any of it, i think jadzia (and?) dax from ds9 miiight count, but they're part of an ensemble cast and thus fail the "pov characters for a majority of the work" and "we get to hear their constant internal banter" criteria.
things I tried that fit at least some criteria, but didn't like for various reasons:
the good demon by jimmy cajoleas. promising concept, but 1) the protagonist smokes, which is an instant and unnegotiable dealbreaker (seriously, who makes their protagonist do that in The Year Of Our Lord Anything Later Than 1950?? and to a child? DEATH. ONE MILLION YEARS DUNGEON.), and 2) I looked it up and they separate at the end anyways, so there's even LESS of a point. 
the venom comics. honestly I just... really dislike superhero comics, there's always way too many of them to keep track of + I'm very shallow and they're usually unbearably ugly to me (and also having started with the movies I just found comics!eddie really unpleasant tbh) 
parasyte manga. perfect concept, great dynamic, but its particular brand of body horror was... not great for me and I had to put it down. (horror in and of itself isn't a dealbreaker, though, so if you've got something similar that doesn't involve lots of hands bent at nauseating angles, I'll gladly take it.)
Cyberpunk 77 has the two-humans flavor of this and hits almost all of the other criteria, but i viscerally hated literally everything about j*hnny s*lverhand with every fiber of my being and the rest of the game was so mediocre already that i just gave up
....I know it's a highly specific/potentially niche dynamic, but if anyone has any recs, PUHLEEASE hmu!!! I'm looking for original work rather than fanfiction, but apart from that, format doesn't matter at all (although if it's some like super difficult indie game or something, I probably won't get very far lol). the MAIN points are 1) bickering and 2) host-and-passenger, so if you have something that hits those but not the others, feel free to share it anyway!
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megistusdiary · 2 years
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We know Scara is rough but-
What if its readers first time? Would he be gentle?
(I actuallt requeated this before but i tought you might have overlooked it because it has been a while i requested. If u saw it and deleted it please ignore this 😊)
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hey! i think i remember seeing it but my inbox is so full- i think i have about 65 ish requests rn ;w; they built up over time and i do not think i will ever get through all of them ☹️
however, lately i have been in a scara mood so i will be writing this one 🤞 it is really long because i have been in the mood to write more dialogue and plot lately :)
i know you are all probably tired of the really long stories with minimal smut but i guess it's a side effect of me being mushy in the brain.
i firmly believe scaramouche is an asshat, but i think if you were really vulnerable he would take pity mostly because it reminds him of his past and feeling vulnerable 👎👎
also, i think if he was to take a partner, it would need to be someone strong asf who can stand up and challenge him. he would honestly be smug if he thought he could teach you something.
warnings: dom!scaramouche and sub!fem anatomy/gender neutral pronouns reader
sweet and sour scaramouche, degradation/praise, he calls you 'human,' fingering/penetration (sub!receiving),
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scaramouche stared at the pot of stew boiling over the fire. he occasionally reached over to add spices and stir the liquid with the wooden spoon, flames reflecting off of his deep blue irises.
he watched the soup with blank, dead eyes, brain long gone and focused on other matters. particularly what had occurred earlier that afternoon.
the two of you had your usual sparring match, you fought for a bit, he pushed, you pushed back, and it all ended with him on top, of course. naturally, even the strongest of fighters didn't stand a chance against a being made to exist as a puppet for the raiden shogun.
however, this time, something was different. there was a certain tension between the two of you.
now, scaramouche was not ignorant on the pleasures and desires of flesh. though he had not felt anything similar to this in many years. he had experience, though he knew he was out of practice in some ways.
so it surprised him when you landed on top of him, chests pressed together, your noses touching. he could feel your heart beating rapidly against his chest, and the ghost of a heartbeat in his own-
he immediately had shoved you off of him, hearing you gasp when you rolled over. "go shower and get changed, i'm going to cook dinner."
that was another thing he had never done before...cook for anyone.
perhaps it was a shock to find out that scaramouche knew how to cook in the first place. he claimed to have learned by himself, but you both knew that he must have picked recipes up from his time as a traveling puppet.
but none of this mattered to scaramouche, only your peculiar reaction to being on his chest. he could see the way your eyes went comically wide. he was sure if he hadn't pushed you off first, you would've scrambled to get up yourself.
but why? was he that undesirable?
scaramouche suddenly jumped when he realized his hand was resting on the burning pot, cursing the archons themselves when he cradled his hand to his chest.
damn you for distracting him. he knew it would be best to dispose of you, but he couldn't bring himself to no matter how many times he walked this path.
when it finally came time to serve the stew, you were already there, taking the ladle and filling up your bowls to the top, carefully walking them to the dinner table. he never thought he would live any type of domestic life, and it perplexed him how he ended up in this situation in the first place.
dinner was quiet, as per usual, though him clearing his throat put you on edge.
"about our sparring match today," he began, making you tense up as you avoided his gaze. "you were slacking off, like always. i can tell." he scoffed, sipping the stew.
"do you want me to learn to hurt you?" there was a slightly teasing lilt to your voice that made scaramouche grunt.
"you could at least give me a challenge." he leaned back in the chair, stirring his bowl. "though, i must say you did catch me by surprise at the end."
he watched you duck your head, face heating up as you cleared your throat. "i...apologize for that. i didn't mean to end up, uh, on top of you."
scaramouche narrowed his eyes at you. "why do you look so shameful?"
you looked up at him this time, lips pressed together tightly as you dropped your soup spoon into your bowl. "because i didn't mean to offend you. if i have, please, don't beat around the bush. tell me so i-"
"i am only asking because you act like you've never touched a man before."
you coughed, immediately reaching for your water before scaramouche snatched it away from you.
"no more distractions. tell me why that is. does my touch or form displease you, human?"
your brows furrowed. what was he on??
"what are you talking about?"
"answer me." he barked, clearly upset.
you couldn't tell him the truth, you just couldn't. it was difficult enough to live with him knowing he hated you. this would surely make him get rid of you.
"i- i can't." you told him, dropping your head once more as you forced yourself to stay neutral.
"and why is that?"
"because you would hate me-" scaramouche opened his mouth, though you paid no mind, "more than you already do."
scaramouche pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. "i never said i hated you. humans get on my nerves, i don't typically like your kind." he leaned his head back, staring up at the ceiling. "but i suppose i make an exception for you."
you stared up at him, wide eyed, lips parted as you struggled to collect yourself. "you- well, i-" you couldn't seem to find the right words, brain failing to communicate with scaramouche. "so you're not mad at me?"
"no." he confirmed curtly as you nodded. "but i would still like to know, indulge me, what was with that terrified little human act?"
"i did not want to offend you by being so close. i know you despise physical touch."
scaramouche sighed. "you know, it would be so much easier if you didn't lie to me. i can hear your leg bouncing beneath the table."
you immediately froze at his comment, willing your body to sit still. you felt yourself tremble under his gaze.
and so, you were finally caught.
how long had he known? how did he feel about it? what if he-
"tell me the truth."
you suddenly stood up, slamming your hands on the table. you were running on pure adrenaline, ignoring the shocked look he gave you. "if you want to hear it so bad, then fine. i like you, and when i fell on you i was nervous that you would reject me like you did. there, are you happy now? kick me out, get rid of me, do what you wish. i can't live lying to myself anymore."
your energy fizzled out towards the end as you stood rigid, fists clenched. scaramouche slowly rose from the table, stalking towards you and gripping your chin. "how endearing." he cooed, pulling you towards him. he swiped a thumb over your bottom lip, shaking his head and muttering to himself.
he watched you rub your thighs together shyly, staring up at him surprised as he scoffed. "oh, please, if you want something from me, you'll have to ask me the correct way."
he was expecting something from you. but you struggled to produce as you suddenly grew meek. "scaramouche, i don't- i mean, i just..." you grew quiet, wishing desperately to bury your head in the sand as he frowned.
then it hit him.
"you've never done this before, have you?" he asked as you shook your head just twice, not wanting to stare up at him any longer. he sighed deeply, carefully taking one of your hands. "if i am to be the one to deflower you, i won't be cruel." he watched your anxiety slowly dissipate. "but that does not mean i will treat you like glass." he warned.
"i want you, scaramouche. can you please teach me?"
scaramouche seemed to be pleased by your soft voice, obliging and tugging you behind him towards his private quarters. his grip was tight, though not as much as what you assumed some of his subordinates felt when they disobeyed.
once he closed the door behind you, he tugged you towards the bed, urging you to sit down. "you do know how to please yourself, yes? i hear you every night. the walls are thin." your neck felt like it was on fire as you covered your cheeks.
"yes, i know how-"
"then we will start there. disrobe."
you followed his orders, carefully removing your clothing until you were left in the thin tank top and shorts beneath your robes. scaramouche narrowed his eyes.
"i said disrobe, not leave everything on."
"but..." you curled up on the bed as he sighed, standing up and removing his own clothes. "wait-" you squeaked, embarrassed as he went as far as his undergarments.
"my form has purpose, i am not ashamed of it. never show shame for your body, be grateful you have one." he huffed, adjusting his hair.
once you finally undressed, he adjusted you in his lap, spreading your legs and staring down at your most sensitive areas. he held up two fingers in front of your mouth expectantly, feeling you slowly part your lips as he shoved the digits past them.
he rubbed his fingers over your tongue, coating them in saliva until he deemed it fit, pulling them away and swiping them across your slit. you squirmed a bit, feeling him hold you steady as he worked you up.
you leaned against his shoulders as he tried to remember exactly how to pleasure a human being. it had been quite some time since he found himself in this predicament.
he opted to focus on stretching you out, collecting your slick and easing a finger into your hole. you gripped his wrist reflexively, eyes widening at the intrusion. "it feels weird."
he rolled his eyes. "it will be fine. just relax, don't tighten up so much. breathe." he warned you, feeling you try to lean back against him, keeping your legs spread as he allowed you to adjust to the digit inside of you before attempting to add another.
the second he started spreading his fingers out, you jumped, not used to the sensation. "stay still." he snapped, holding you down more firmly as he fucked his fingers into you.
he heard your whines increase in volume as he crooked his fingers, slightly changing the angle that they slid into you at. he could feel you trembling against his form, taking shaky breaths as he slid his thumb up to brush over your clit.
unintelligible mumbles fell from your lips as you plead for him to keep going, begging for more until he suddenly pulled away. your eyes filled with tears of frustration until he quieted you. "stop whining. this is supposed to be a humanly act of love, no? not just an outlet for release." he chastised as you pouted in his lap.
he rearranged your body, moving you to face him on his lap. he carefully removed his final piece of clothing, revealing himself to you and allowing his cock to bob up against his stomach. he stroked himself a few times using your residual wetness as a type of lubricant.
he picked you up with inhuman strength, hovering you over his dick as you shivered, feeling the head rub over your hole.
you bit your lip, nervous as he looked up at your glassy-eyed expression. "i won't lie to you, it will be uncomfortable. but as i said earlier, i am not cruel, nor am i ignorant. this is supposed to be done for human connection and pleasure."
and with that, he eased himself into you, groaning deeply as you gasped, fingers seeking purchase on his shoulders as you shivered. he filled you up perfectly, stretching you out and making you feel a fullness you never had before.
though you couldn't deny it was still painful, and it felt like you were ripping apart at the seams internally. you wanted equally to escape and chase the feeling, stuck in his iron grip.
as soon as he was seated entirely inside of you, he let you lean on his chest, smoothing his hand down your back. he shushed you, allowing you to adjust and relax. you were squeezing him so tightly, seemingly confused by the sensations as he sighed, pulling your chin up.
"i am sorry it hurts like this. i do not wish to taint your idea of sexual pleasure." scaramouche explained, gently placing his lips to your forehead, feeling you lean into him.
though he had seen you cry, experience defeat, be cut, bruised, scraped, sick to your stomach, and soaked in rain, he hadn't seen you this vulnerable before.
it almost reminded him of a certain someone many, many years ago.
"let me take care of you, just breathe."
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webslingingslasher · 2 months
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tw: depression
hey! i was wondering, how would peter react or take care of reader with depression? can be either nerdy or frat peter or any peter rly :)
sorry i am very much kinda really going thru it rn 😞
felt that. depression is fucking brutal, anon. i'm here for you and i hope you're taking care of yourself for now.
--
you don't move when your window opens. you haven't moved for hours, you couldn't draw up enough energy to turn or eat, or breathe. the wall in front of you hasn't changed, it's been a blank slate of emptiness. just like the pit inside you.
'i know you're not sleeping.' it's teasing, your heart doesn't have it in you to perk up. you don't feel excited peter showed up, nothing could top the numbness that's burrowed its way into your chest and mind.
'you haven't texted me back all day, i was about to send a smoke signal.' your bones feel sharp, the idea of rolling over to face him stings, you think you'll shatter into a million pieces. you have nothing left to give, even talking seems exhausting.
'baby?' peter knows somethings wrong, he thinks he knows what's wrong. you had a good stretch, it had been months before the depression caught up and sent you bedrotting.
peter can't imagine how it feels for you, but for him, watching you go through this, kills him inside.
your mattress sinks, you close your eyes when peter reaches out for you, his hand on your skin is the most warmth you felt all day. it's peter; your rock, your safety net, your protector.
you think it's the first time you've talked all day. you had a permanent lump in your throat and you knew just by opening your mouth the tears would start.
but it's okay, because peter is here.
'i'm really sad today.' it's all it takes, your shoulders shake with your sobs, how could you feel everything and nothing all at once? peter's soft whispers have you curling into yourself. you don't deserve him, he doesn't deserve this.
'oh, honey.' it's full of love, his nose brushes your shoulder like a puppy asking to be pet. 'wanna give me a hug?' your voice wavers on your answer, it's raw and scratchy, begging to be hydrated, you don't think you've even had water today.
'yes, please.' your cheeks feel sticky but peter's holding you tightly, yet softly, it's like he's trying to hold you together. it's working. 'i'm sorry.' you feel bad. you should be more for him.
'don't be. i want to be here for you, and when you can only give twenty percent, i've got the other eighty. i love you. always and forever. no matter what.'
he needs to add the end, he needs to because he knows how it weighs down in your mind. how you've told him over and over it's unfair he has to put up with this and how he doesn't deserve what you bring to the table.
peter told you he's got a big fucking table and it's got more than enough room for your "mess." you don't say the silent part out loud anymore but he knows you still think it. peter would never admit it to you, but sometimes he really hates your brain and the way it thinks about yourself when your depression sets in.
it's selfish, you hate it about yourself but you need a reason to keep going.
'can you tell me how sad you would be if i died?' to anyone else it would sound morbid, to peter it means you're feeling better. peter slightly rocks you in his lap, he hums like he needs to think.
'you think you're depressed? just you wait, i'll make this look estatic.' a smile teases, he's determined to get you laughing. 'i mean it. i'd be on my knees, tears and snot all over my face, holding your hand at your funeral. i'd probably throw myself down the hole with you.'
it works, it's minuscule but you gave him a real smile and a tiny laugh. it's because you're picturing the teary-snotted face he'd be sporting and he's totally okay with that.
peter presses kisses over your hairline, he's speaking from the heart and you can feel it.
'because if you're not living, i wouldn't have a reason to either.' 
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