#I really REALLY fucking hate the entire thing where everything goes better entirely since she was there

[stillfrownyclownlol]

Fucking...ship alphabet crap because I'm gonna go insane- (Ashlyn x Aiden)

Aiden Clark

A = Affection

Aiden is really affectionate with Ash, he has a hard time keeping in how he feels about her so he's constantly complimenting her, touching her, kissing her if she will let him, etc etc. He's just soooo in love with her he can't keep it in- 🫠

B = Best Friend

Ngl Aiden was like the closest thing Ash had to a best friend before they started dating 🤡 he's not that different besides the fact that he can keep his emotions a little more in check (like friend boundaries). Very protective, encouraging, and does his best to listen ^_^

C = Cuddles

Bless him he is touch starved and cuddling is like a feast to him. He LOVES cuddling. Definitely clingy and likes rubbing her arms or back. Man ascends whenever Ash glomps him.

D = Domestic

Aiden likes the idea of settling down, he would like to live with Ash at some point, especially cuz he grew up in an empty house. It's kinda unfortunate since he sucks really hard at domestic tasks 💀 he's never had to cook or clean a day in his life and he's not very inclined to learn lmao. He's super messy and pretty much banned from the kitchen 😭

E = Ending

Um he would literally rather die 🫠 he will fight tooth and nail to be with her and if he HAD to break up with her it would be like, under pressure that somebody was going to kill her or smth 😭 and then he'd kill the person who threatened her and go get his girl back.

F = Fiancé

He doesn't really care about getting married as long as Ash stays with him :P He likes how his ring looks on her finger tho.

G = Gentle

He's not very good at that haha. He's very...um, intense with all his feelings oop- He's not very good at being soft (verbally/emotionally) in the moment, it's something he needs to give thought too. He can be pretty tender physically tho, likes to kiss her forehead :)

H = Hugs

Loves loves loves hugging, especially if Ash initiated. Totally into squeeze hugging and lifting her off her feet. He kinda hovers around her in public and puts his arm around her so he's constantly "loose hugging" her.

I = I love you

He said it pretty quickly. He doesn't see why he should hide how he feels :p. He probably said it when she was just doing smth, like with no buildup or anything. It was just a very sudden feeling on his part and he vocalised it right away

J = Jealousy

Pretty consistently 🤡 he has attachment issues can you blame him? 😭 (you can). Very not cool with other people (that he doesn't know) talking, touching, hanging out with Ash and he will be hate-watching them the entire time. With Ash he gets a lot clingier and starts complimenting her even more, but if Ash gets weirded out/annoyed by it he tends to react pretty poorly and can get upset with her.

K = Kisses

His kisses vary, but they can be kinda aggressive/intense? lmao. He is just having BIG FEELINGS and he needs to express himself- if hes stressed he'll just. Grab her face and mash their mouths together (jumpscares Ash fr) He really does not care where he kisses Ash like everything is good for him, but when Ash kisses him first on the mouth that's soooo... he goes to heaven fr.

L = Little Ones

Pretty good with children actually! He has some experience with Lily and he vibes pretty well with kid energy, especially if they're hyperactive like him lol. Great with games and stuff. Babies like him a lot for some reason, they always start laughing when he holds them.

M = Morning

He gets up at like 4am all the time to do crap because he's an insomniac. Usually goes to exercise or play a video game/puzzle. Ash is not a morning person, but sometimes she can convince him to crawl back into bed and snuggle 😌

N = Night

He does go to bed really late 💀 He has an EXTREMELY hard time falling asleep so he just stays up till he passes out. Ash and him have been trying stuff to help him sleep better so they drink tea and talk to each other without looking at their phones.

O = Open

Absolutely not open with his history lol. he pretty much blocks out most of his past and he won't talk about it unless Ash insists or he feels like he needs to tell her to clarify his feelings. Doesnt say more than he needs to.

P = Patience

He has none for everything 🤡 he hates waiting, he hates putting in a lot of effort into something, he hates spending a long time on anything- (except his friends). He kinda has some hidden anger issues, he looks really easy going but like fr. He has problems.

Q = Quizzes

UM it's kinda creepy how much he remembers about Ash 😭 He has an entire space in his brain dedicated to her. He knows how she likes her coffee, her daily schedule, the exact time of her birth...he likes knowing about her sue him.

R = Remember

It's hard to pick his favourite memory cuz he's such a fan of her, even during the time she kinda hated him :> One of his top moments would probably be when she first said "I love you" back to him though.

S = Security

He's soooooo overprotective, the first time he saw her get seriously injured it was his fault and he never let that go. He knows Ash can handle herself but he still wants to keep her safe if he can!!! If somebody hurts her they are never seeing the light of day again ^_^ He always swoons a little when Ash tries to protect him too.

T = Try

His relationships are like one of the only things he actually puts effort in so. He spends a lot of time thinking on gifts, what they can do on dates, etc etc if it involves Ash. Helps her around the house if she lets him.

U = Ugly

He has sooooo many bad habits. He's super addict prone and his BPD means he will do a lot of self-sestructive stuff. Smoker (he hates it), drinker (he hates it even more), joyrider extraordinaire (just kill him now) :/ Working on it at his therapy sessions but he relapses sometimes.

V = Vanity

...I mean, he's concerned about how he looks, but not in a "looking good" way. He dyes his hair consistently because he wants to look like that, same with his contacts. Otherwise he's not like doing beauty routines for his skin or anything lol.

W = Whole

Yes he has an unhealthy attachment to Ash so he would feel incomplete without her 🫠

X = Xtra

Ash isn't his first 'relationship' but she is the first one where he actually felt something. He was pretty easy going so if somebody asked him to be their partner he almost always said yes, but he never seriously cared about any of them...🫠 Ghosted people a lot when he moved oop

Y = Yuck

He knows he has a lot of issues so like he's not gonna judge somebody a lot if they have their own vices. He would probably dislike if Ash started acting like himself lmao (you hate somebody because they reflect the worst parts of yourself) 🫠 For smth she actually does, he doesn't really like how cold she can be sometimes, but he knows she can't help it so he doesn't comment on it.

Z = ZZZ

Sleeps with like 4 different blankets and he doesn't really like wearing pyjamas, he'd sleep in his boxers if he could. The blankets are like, good texture stim on his skin :D

Ashlyn Banner

A = Affection

Not good with it let's be real. Still figuring out her boundaries and what she's comfortable with. She generally just let's Aiden set the pace and if she doesn't like it she'll say something, but it's rare for her to initiate, when she does its usually something lowkey like holding his hand (prefers physical over verbal).

B = Best Friend

Ash hasn't had friends. Ever. Until suddenly she got five that she got bonded to for life 🤡 As a bestie she is generally very loyal and protective, even if she isn't very good with emotional stuff, she tries to show her support in whatever way she can.

C = Cuddles

Not really something she thinks about a lot? She doesn't mind cuddling with Aiden but he is very touchy so she gets overstimulated quickly. She prefers just lying on top of him without him grabbing her.

D = Domestic

She always imagined living by herself so the idea is a little intimidating ngl, but she's ready to give it a shot when the time comes :> Good at household chores, her parents are ex-military so she's well disciplined with making the bed, cleaning her area of the house, and she's a decent cook. Trying to teach Aiden how to do his own chores to since nobody ever taught him.

E = Ending

She would end things if she felt like Aiden wasn't getting better, she can't keep letting his bad behavior slide her entire life. Could see them getting a divorce if they had a kid together and he was still acting like that (we hope not). Definitely the type of exes to still see each other though, he's nothing if not persistent, and she can't quite seem to quit him ^_^"

F = Fiancée

She didn't even think she'd ever get married lol. She doesn't really care about labeling their relationship like that but she did ask him for tax reasons. And he was happy too, so that's a plus :>

G = Gentle

She's said it herself, she's not good at that. She's generally pretty brash with Aiden and she has a hard time being vulnerable. She's also not a very physically gentle person either, she usually initiates contact if she's stressed/upset so it's kinda intense. She's working on it!

H = Hugs

Pretty rare, she doesn't mind if Aiden hugs her, but Jesus, sometimes it feels like he's going to break her ribs 💀 Not that her hugs are much better tho 🫠 Tends to bury her face in his shoulder and grab his hair.

I = I love you

It's soooooo hard for her omg. She can't explain why she just feels really weird/dumb saying it 😭 she usually only says it during the heat of the moment. To compromise with Aiden, she usually writes it down on a sticky note and gives it to him. Writing is easier.

J = Jealousy

Sometimes the autism rejection sensitivity flares up haha 🫠 she's waaaaaay less jealous than Aiden but sometimes she wonders if she's just a passing fancy to him because he's so intense and quick about it (before reminding herself hes loyal to a fault). If other people talk about it (like if Aiden has been spending a lot of time with somebody) she's more likely to get jealous since she will kinda internalize their thoughts (like very "what...? Do you think I *should* be jealous?")

K = Kisses

Supremely awkward. Doesn't understand what she's supposed to do with her mouth aldhlwhd. She likes kissing his cheek because its a very simple gesture and he gets very happy. Will combust if Aiden kisses her forehead ❤️

L = Little Ones

Not the besttttt...she generally finds children to be too emotional and she doesn't understand what they're feeling. Babies are scary to her, they're so...delicate...

She doesn't hate them or anything but she's not volunteering to babysit.

M = Morning

She is CRANKY when she gets up and you can't talk to her before her cup of coffee or she's going to bite your head off. When she gets to sleep in she's waaaaay more affectionate in bed, grabs onto Aiden so he won't leave :p

N = Night

Night owl, which is useful since Aiden has trouble sleeping. She'll keep him company until he can fall asleep, but usually she falls asleep on his shoulder or smth and Aiden has to take her to bed ^_^

O = Open

Not at all. Doesn't like revealing more about herself than necessary :> She only tells Aiden things if he asks her about it. They're both very closed off which is great combo 💀

P = Patience

She's more patient than Aiden, but that isn't saying much. She gets irritated very easily but she's a lot better at managing her emotions so she doesn't lose her temper very easily, even if she's constantly annoyed.

Q = Quizzes

She's not forgetful or anything about Aiden but it's also not something she thinks about a lot. Like if somebody asked her smth about him she'll just answer it without thinking and be surprised with herself lol.

R = Remember

She just likes spending time with him, they don't have to do anything grand or amazing for it to stay in her memory, her favourite moments are the little things. Aiden genuinely laughing/smiling, the look on his face right before he figures out a puzzle, the calluses on his fingertips when she holds his hand...she's actually very sappy :>

S = Security

She is overprotective because. She watched him die. And she's just like that. But she constantly feels like she's failing him since Aiden gets hurt so frequently. Protective in a more subtle way, like if she thinks he's going to spiral she locks his meds away and won't leave him alone for anything. She gets stressed out when he tries to protect her because he can go overboard :p

T = Try

She tries so hard you guys. All of this is VERY new and scary for her, so. Baby steps. Tries to do her part in the relationship; she likes the act of planning dates even if choosing what to do stresses her out, tries to surprise him because she knows he loves that a lot (she's not very good at it).

U = Ugly

Bad habits: Sometimes everything is a lot so she will just. Not communicate with him for a long time which freaks him out. (Like he doesn't do this too 🫠) Hard time talking about her feelings and sometimes relies on the gang to solve their misunderstanding. Sometimes doesn't know where to draw the line and can be too harsh on him.

V = Vanity

Only her hair. She's very careful with it. Otherwise she doesn't care at all.

W = Whole

She's kinda bonded to him for life cuz of all the trauma so yeah she wouldn't feel "whole" without Aiden, but she would handle it a lot better than he would.

X = Xtra

Talks to Taylor about her relationship problems; Tay thinks she just has bad taste 🤡

Y = Yuck

Really hates all of Aiden's bad habits (the self destructive stuff, his own apathy towards himself, how obsessive he is with her)

Z = ZZZ

When she becomes comfortable sleeping with somebody on the same bed, she'll let her hair loose, otherwise she's gonna keep the braids.

#sbg #school bus graveyard webtoon #school bus graveyard #sbg (webtoon) #ashlyn banner #aiden clark #aidlyn #aiden x ashlyn #ship alphabet

[moonysimp]

always you –felipe drugovich.

slightly inspired for that one scene from little women

pov: felipe decides to confess his feelings for you after he finds out he might lose you.

"marcus snached that win from me really. it was a great move the one he did at the beginning of the race." clément goes on, he can't shut up about yesterday's race.

felipe rolls his eyes. "yeah well i really don't want to hear more about mar-"

"and now after that win he's definitely getting y/n to go with him on that trip he told me about, and since they've been seeing each other for some time he's gonna ask her for the real deal. you know i always thought y/n kind of liked you a bit but well-", clément says rapidly, but felipe feels every word like an heavy weight dropping on his heart.

"he's gonna do what?", felipe furrows his eyebrows. marcus and y/n in a serious relationship? he feels out of breath. the thought of losing you choking him.

"yeah he really likes her and she seems happy with him so he told me he would organize a trip and he would talk to her-"

"when? did he tell you when is the trip happening?", he stands up, as he grabs his phone to message you.

are you at the hotel?

he presses send.

"mmhm i don't know, he said he would tell her after the race but i don't know when or where are they going", clém says, weirded out by felipe's sudden change of mood.

"i gotta go, talk to you later", he quickly says as he heads out to go find you.

he won't let you go. he can't. no matter how much he tells himself you deserve better than him. and no matter how many times he tries to be with another girl, it doesn't change his feelings for you, those feelings that he tries to hide and bury deep inside of him.

his phone sounds. it's you.

yes.

you reply.

he's gonna tell you everything.

.

you're packing your stuff when you hear a knock on your door. it's him.

"hey", you say.

"hey. are you busy?", he asks.

"just packing", you answer. you shouldn't but you step aside and you let him in. like you always do.

he stays quiet for a bit as you come back to the bed to put the remaining things inside your bag.

"don't go on that trip", he lets out, with his face full of pain. the pain of fully losing you. and he hates how selfish he is. "don't go with him."

you freeze, hating him, hating this, hating what he still does to you. "don't you dare", you say, your lips forming a straight line, trying to pull yourself together before him. you keep your eyes on the bag, incapable of looking at him. there is no way he's doing this now, after all these years.

"i'm sorry", he shakes his head as he walks closer to you.

"so now that you've got no one, now it's the time that you decide to do this huh? when you have no one better, that's when you come for me.", your eyes water.

he doesn't hesitate to cup your cheeks and make you look at him straight in the eye, "don't you ever say that again. not when everytime i was with someone i compared them to you, always tired of thinking how would it be if they were you. and i got sick of it, sick of staying behind, sick of trying to deny how you've always been the one i want to be with. you are and will always be too good for me, but i can't let you go and lose forever the opportunity to be with you and become the man that you deserve."

tears fall from your eyes. you don't say a word, thoughts still running through your mind. he has always wanted you but never did because he thought he didn't deserve you?

"fuck you", you let out, looking to his eyes. he doesn't look away, he holds you gaze and he slightly nods.

"ask me to leave and i will", his hands don't leave your face. he knows you won't ask that. he knows you, he knows what he has to do, and what he wants to do.

"fuck you."

seconds that feel like years go by, until one of his hands goes behind your head and he closes the gap once and for all. the kiss is intense, fierce, there's no holding back now. you're both mad at each other for waiting so long for this to happen. your entire body is in flames, the kiss lightning up a fire in you. your hands are on his neck, you kiss him relentlessly.

you're both selfish, choosing each other after everything that has happened. him finally coming to you after you've been loving him all this time. and you choosing him even after that, because even though marcus makes you feel so special, you know you would always made this choice. it would always be felipe, no matter what, no matter after how long.

the kiss ends and you join your foreheads together, you can feel him slightly shaking his head.

"i love you", he says. "is it too late?"

you let out a sigh. "it will never be too late for you." and that's irrevocably the truth.

#felipe drugovich #f2 #drivers #oneshot #short story #formula 2 #formula1

[bellysoupset]

and another question because when I hear someone is anxious and needs distraction I go into “fixer” mode. What is the worst job each of your OCs has ever had?

hope you’re feeling better - as someone who regularly wakes up at 4:30 am in a full-on panic attack, I get it.

Hi Lis! Honestly, I don't know what our brains want us to be "accomplishing" at 4:00 AM, its terrible.

So this is the ask where I reveal my characters are quite spoiled? You be the judge.

--

Leo: worst job was a candy factory he worked at that had him on his feet the entire day, doing extremely mechanic and repetitive tasks, wearing full body suit in Oklahoma's summer weather. He'd bike there after school and then do his homework on his 30 mins break and then back to the production line. Obviously they couldn't eat any of the products, so this is probably why nowadays he's got a huge sweet tooth. He also has a bit of tendinitis to this day thanks to this job, even though it was only 1 year he stayed there (his senior year). Even though he has worked retail and food serving before, he still ranks this one as the worst.

Bella: Bell has done everything under the sun. She's worked every retail you can think of, which was uh... Horrible, but mostly for her clients? This is a woman who has no chill and no patience, she'll not tolerate some Karen yelling at her. Period. Hence why she worked so many jobs, because she kept getting fired/quitting lol. Because of her "take no shit" attitude, a lot of her horrible jobs were actually not as bad in her opinion, simply because they didn't affect her. Her worst one was when she was 14 and her mom decided instead of Bella working for someone else she should come do nails in the hair salon she worked at. Since it was her mom's workplace Bell had to be nice, because it was one thing to be fired/quit, an entirely different thing to have her mom be fired as well. It fucking sucked, but this job had slightly less shitty hours than others, so it was when she started coding and that's how she ended up getting her scholarship. So yay?

Vince: Vin has been a frontliner of his mom's homemade food business from the get go. He came to the US at 10 and by age of 12 he was already doing sales to his classmates. He has worked the shop and done deliveries since always and he's genuinely really good at it, because he's very likable. When he was 15 he decided to get a job in a mechanic, around the time he started to get interested in motorcycles, and they put him to do front desk stuff, but he could venture to the back to learn some. In both jobs he actually thrived. He had bad clients, so he's got some horror stories, but no actual "horror jobs".

Wendy: Wen has never had a bad job?? She's done all sorts of stuff, because she's the type of hyper person who's got 200 hobbies. She's done her own little clothing line, she's been a receptionist to her parent's friends' business. By far the one she liked the least was doing reception work at her mother's clinic, mostly because her mother micromanaged her to hell and back and the other girls hated her guts. But even then, I think she'd have liked the job if it wasn't for the company.

I need to preface that both Jon and Luke never had real jobs until the ones they're in currently. They just didn't need them.

Jonah: He acted as an assistant to his father in the clinic procedures, which was a lot of washing equipment's and following around the real trained technician, and getting to watch his dad do minor surgeries. He's got covered in blood a couple of times and snapped at, but as for as Work goes this was his only real experience until he started interning via the university and then stuck around. He despised the part of college where they put him to intern with the G.I people, just gross.

Luke: he's my little baby pillow millionaire, this man has never worked a real job. He's done a LOT of volunteer work and we all know volunteering IS real work, however what I mean is Luke has never EVER depended on the money he's making for anything. He's always been the guy who could just walk out. He's lucky he's so competitive, otherwise he'd be a serial quitter tbh. He's got his stories with volunteering (worked at an elder's home once and boyyy, worst experience of his life), but I think the closest I can say was doing some menial desk job for his mom and his ADHD kicking his ass. He cannot sit still, period and Veronica never really realized that and got pissed when he'd wander off and just zone her out entirely.

#as a person who has actually been on both sides (v rich and very broke) I feel like I'm Entitled to all these opinions #myocs #but soup how did luke land a cool job with no experience before? network #sorry babes but the rich people world does work like this i sadly can say from experience ¬¬ #if leo and luke talk money for more than 1 hour they end up throwing hands #bella too but she can just yell at luke to stfu

[spaceprincessem]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

hello love! @alyxmastershipper sent me this as well and i'm finally getting around to answering it! in no particular order:

and i'm not good at winning fights anymore - 24k buddie 5+1 things fic

There’s mud on his hands. There’s mud on his hands and he has to dig deeper, quicker, because Eddie is forty feet beneath him and surely he can’t breathe because the well is gone and Eddie is gone and Buck can’t follow him.

“Eddie,” his throat feels raw, the words wrong to his ears, “Eddie.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, holding onto him, “I'm right here, Buck, I’m right here.”

“I can’t—” Buck breaks off, his trembling, dirty hand in the air and Eddie must understand because he takes Buck's hand without question and pulls it to his chest, right over his heart.

{or five times Buck needs to feel Eddie's heartbeat and the one time Eddie needs to feel his}

2. gravity holds me down - 14.7k buddie fic

“Eddie.”

Eddie jerks out of the moment, pain registering around his bicep where Hen is squeezing him too hard. There’s an edge to her voice, jaw clenched, and eyes narrowed as she looks across from where they are standing. Eddie follows her gaze and his entire body freezes.

“Whatever you do,” Hen’s voice is low, dark, “do not let him take Buck.”

Jonah can’t see them from where he’s standing, his back mostly turned as he flashes a light in one of the patient's eyes. Eddie shifts without thinking, blocking Buck and Christopher from view. Fuck the fire, Eddie thinks as he plants himself where he’s standing.

3. blue skies - 36k buddie fic

“Most babies are born as accidents,” She says suddenly, like she’s decided that Buck has passed, that she can trust him with this.

Buck doesn’t really have an answer because that question hits way to fucking close to home. A year or so ago he would have said, yes, I was an accident, so I know how that goes, but Buck knows better now. Knows that he would almost give anything for that answer to still be yes. Evie’s finger works under the seal to rip it open, a stack of important looking papers dumping out onto the table in front of her.

“Not me,” she says without looking up as she organizes them into a neat stack, “I was engineered.”

And.

And Buck’s pretty fucking sure a giant, cataclysmic hole has ripped right open, dragging him down to the earth’s core where he vaporizes into dust.

{or Buck meets another savior baby and everything comes crashing down}

4. and some things you just can't speak about - 42k buddie fic

“Me too.”

Eddie’s surprise at hearing himself speak for the first time since he was introduced isn’t nearly as shocking as realizing that both he and Buck say the same thing at the same time. Eddie trails his gaze up the line of Buck’s neck, watches the way his Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows, and finds those glacier lake eyes looking right at him. Eddie’s never been the type of person to stand down. To roll over and bare his belly. He won’t look away, can’t concede to that, but the idea of being seen by a complete stranger is unnerving and Eddie feels a little defenseless. Bobby clears his throat and they both blink out of their strange standoff. Eddie’s flush only burns hotter when he sees Hen and Chim share a look like it’s an entire conversation and something deep and unknown twinkle in Bobby’s eyes.

“That’s something we can all think about for next week,” Bobby smiles knowingly, “where are we stuck in life? And, maybe,” he turns towards all of them, “we just might figure out how to help each other move forward.”

[or the 118 support group therapy au]

5. all roads they lead me here - 39k sterek fic

“Then why wouldn’t you be Derek’s emissary?” Stiles asked. He just wished Deaton would get to the fucking point. He was tired and he hated playing twenty questions to figure out what the older man was getting at.

“Derek’s emissary needs to be someone who he trusts completely,” Deaton explained, “and it’s time I passed on my wisdom and expertise to that person.”

The beat of silence between them stretched for too long before Stiles realized exactly who Deaton was talking about.

“Me?” He asked incredulously.

thank you for the ask 💖

#buddie #buddie fic #sterek #sterek fic #911 #teen wolf #god sorry this took me 5ever to answer #em answers

[weregreatatcrime]

Oh my GODS I forgot about my old Karai adopted by Nomura AU. Holy shit this is amazing I found my old art of it and I'm giggling

Basically it was an AU where Trollhunters happened and Nomura is out here like "I don't know what to do with a CHILD" so she goes in search of a human to help her raise her new baby, since, you know, humans are better at being kind and nurturing and shit. But Nomura is a strong independent changeling who don't need no man, or woman, and she's not interested in getting in a partnership. All she needs is someone to help take care of her daughter familiar. So she fucks around and is like "You know, I don't need to be as careful as I used to be. If I have a grudge, I can just.... act on it. Hee hee."

And you see Nomura can't just get ANYONE to help with Zelda, she has to have someone who can protect Zelda just as well as SHE could. And Nomura is a busy spy assassin who is helping clean up the remnants of the Janus Order around the planet, so she needs someone who is independent and can either look after Zelda alone for a while or just move somewhere new with her when the need arises. So through a LONG stream of candidates Nomura settles on fucking. Karai.

She has some beef with Oroku Saki, what kind idk and changelings are p petty but Shredder’s a dick, so, probably something valid. Nomura's grand idea is to expose the child kidnapper for who he is to his "daughter". She manages to track down enough proof and force his hand enough that Karai actually believes it. Karai, now knowing she's Miwa, is devastated. Because Shredder is a dick but he was still her dad?

And Nomura saunters over like "I gotta deal for you kiddo! Help me raise my daughter and I'll help you look and see if there's anything left of your real father. No promises though, he went missing like, ten years ago. But I'll try! And as you can see, I'm very very good at finding hidden stuff :)" and well Miwa’s gotta try

Nomura kidnaps Shredder’s daughter while flipping him the bird and then Miwa helps raise Zelda for a few years. She actually really likes Zelda, she's a clever little terror, and Nomura is a cool "mom" even if they have an entirely transactional relationship. Miwa is just her fake daughter to help raise Zelda, they have fake papers and everything... but..... you know......... this is kinda nice. She never had a mom before, so even a fake one is cool

Nomura over here, having a panic attack when she realizes that she genuinely likes and adores this little bloodthirsty kunoichi and then eventually just straight up "Listen I like you, little viper, let me adopt you?? For reals please???" And they're a little happy family

And then Nomura gets a hot tip on the Hamatos in New York so the Nomura family gets to move to a little apartment there in search of Miwa’s real family, and Hilarity and Identity Shenanigans Ensue. Miwa ends up going to April and Casey's school. Zelda's daycare gets caught mid Kraang crossfire. Miwa sees Foot ninja and goes feral (being adopted by a changeling doesn't do a lot for your sense of morals). At SOME point, Zelda goes from cute toddler to tiny terror monster on a bad guy while Miwa just watches on from the sidelines with pride.

In the hero side of things the turtles find a new ally in a masked kunoichi who goes by Karai. She doesn't tell them anything about her except for the fact that if the Shredder hates them, she's on their side. She uses this to try learning about their family because they claim HAMATO as a name, surely they must know something about what happened to Hamato Yoshi.......

#my stuff #trollhunters #my writing #2012 karai #2012 miwa #zelda nomura #trollhunters nomura #this au was a good baseline for #two daughters au #like its clearly different but it did inspire some of it #this au is several years old but i do still treasure it #nomura clan au

[shamemp3]

THOUGHTS ON YOUR FAV SPIDERMAN RUN KING? 🎤

OHHHHH MAN.

okay. i have two favorites. there is jms's run (DESPITE sins past and omd bc those were editorial pushing that onto spider-man's narrative and it just happened to be him writing asm at the time so he was stuck with those shitty storylines. i also didnt like the spider-totem shit bc imo it goes against the core of spider-man which is that he wasnt "the chosen one" and that anyone can be spider-man but i will forgive jms for this) and there is friendly neighborhood spider-man 2019 which. believe it or not was by tom taylor. do not like the guy but that run was REALLY good but jms is still on top for me he just gets spider-man sooooo much tbh

jms's spider-man is good for many reasons to me, aside from the storylines being fun in general like even tho omd was ass it was written beautifully. peter and mj's goodbye brought tears to my eyes even tho i hate that stupid fucking idea im glad it was jms that executed it bc at least the writing was beautiful. AND what came before omd was back in black which is one of my favorite peter storylines in the entire world bc jms does write peter as a funny guy while also having him be hot-headed and vengeful and a dick ESPECIALLY when people he loves are on the line and this is something that many modern writers forgettttt omfgggg they diagnosed him with funnyguy disease and he has NO OTHER traits and he's so shallow but with jms he's real because you can tell his humor and his flippantness is an act and that he is VERY intense as a person which ... duh. his guilt is what gets him into spider-manning and then that guilt grows into a sense of responsibility and a care for community and people and that is something else i love about jms is the community in his stories !!! many of his storylines are focused on the neighborhood rather than him fighting outer space aliens or some shit its literally just him helping his neighbors and sometimes not even as spider-man but as peter which i love. and he's a teacher in this run too which is one of my favorite jobs peter has ever had because i think it fits him very well and he loves it and i wish he had gotten to keep it.

this run is so earnest and sincere and so many panels and conversations with mj and may make me insane but its still funny and it shows you who peter really is as a character i wish i could explain it with words but ill show you my favorite panels later instead. petermj is also at its heigh here and i think that if anybody were to read any peter run it should be jms's. i just think that overall jms shows you that despite peter's humor you still see how much he cares about people and how earnest he really is despite the whimsy (sigh) and though he's rude and a dick he does put his heart into everything it's just that the entire world is so against him and so his guilt and his grief and his choices eat at him no matter the outcome.

i also love this run bc mj knows about spider-man and may finds out and it just makes me think wowwww wwhat we could have had if omd had not happened. i get peter and his secrets blah blah but i hated that so many people do not know anymore after bc come on. ESPECIALLY mj and may (and the f4 and matt as well tbh but. for another day) and idk this run shows u a little glimpse of how much better it is when pete's loved ones know about his other life. idk. this was a small thing but whatever

i have so much in my head its just not coming out and its not coherent so. panels:

asm (1999) #34

asm #35

asm #38

asm #53

i want to add more panels but my laptop is starting to lag excuse her she has been with me since 2017 and is breathing so loud right now

to sum it up the writing is beautiful i love peter as a teacher i love the neighborhood and community aspect i love peter's characterization i love mj and may i even liked the little part where he lived in the avengers tower idk it was fun. i LOVED back in black. i didnt like the spider-totem shit bc i refuse to believe peter is the chosen one and i HATE sins past and i HATE omd (but jms wrote it beautifully). but overall jms gets it he sooo gets it and i love this run forever and as for taylor's fnsm 2019 its nice and fun and he also got pete's characterization but i wont go into it as much

#i genuinely wish i was more eloquent with this but. here you go. kiss me btw ily thank u ya 7ayati #leyli

[sapphire-weapon]

In an attempt to organize all of my thoughts and finally get this shit out of my system, I wrote up a complete, comprehensive listing of all of the things I loved about Final Fantasy XVI, all the things I hated about it, and all of the things that were equal parts good and bad.

Massive spoilers abound here. Hopefully, by the end of it, it’s easier to understand why I’m so stuck on this game and why I can’t really settle on a firm opinion of it being good or bad. 

FFXVI is an excellent game, except for all of the ways that it sucks.

BAD

- Some quality of life issues. The inability to pull up the world map from town or the middle of a zone was huge for me. Having to fast-travel to an obelisk to go to the actual exit of a zone just to go somewhere else was an extra unnecessary step that didn't need to happen. The inability to switch your button inputs was obnoxious, too, and hitting R1 to dodge never came to feel natural. I also hated that I couldn't turn off certain elements of the HUD. Just little things like that, here and there.

- The treatment of female characters leaves a lot to be desired in this game. There are only four major, named female characters in this game: Jill, Anabella, Benedikta, and Mid. The only one who didn't get cheated/fucked over by a lack of care from the writers was Mid -- and, wouldn't you know it, she has the smallest role of the four of them.

I'll go into the whole thing with Jill when we talk about her character specifically, but Anabella is basically like "what if Cersei Lannister was explicitly a Nazi and then, instead of having a dynamic character arc, she just killed herself?" Anabella's entire character motivation is literally just "because eugenics" -- and, as a result, basically all of her character dialogue is centered around that point. The game never goes into who she is as a person outside of being a Nazi bitch. She has one interesting conversation with Clive towards the end of her role where she surprises the audience (and Clive himself) by saying "It should've been you [, not Joshua, to be Phoenix's Dominant]! Why couldn't it have been you?" but then the conversation gets cut off because the Bahamut fight has to happen now.

And the one window of opportunity where it looked like her character was going to get deeper -- when she looks at Joshua and yells "I will not let you take me, shadow!" and makes us think that maybe she's not actually a Nazi and has been Ultima's thrall since maybe before Clive was even born? Instead of going into it, she just kills herself and then is never mentioned again outside of "hey remember that time when mom" stories.

Benedikta didn't fare much better. She was actually a really great character with a fantastic role back when the theme of the game was still "the consequence of unchecked power and anger in the blind pursuit of vengeance" -- but as soon as the game decides it's suddenly not going to be about that anymore because fuck you, you kind of just have to look back on Benedikta and ask "What was the point of her, actually?"

And Mid, again, is fine -- but she also doesn't do a whole lot. She's your token engineer/genki girl character rolled up into one. Think X's Rikku but with more actual charisma/likeability and no battle prowess so she never actually joins your party. And she doesn't even come in until halfway through the game.

And that's it, that's your female cast. There are other side characters like Charon and Vivian -- and Charon is great for a myriad of reasons -- but they're still just minor side characters.

- Eikon battles. I know that this is going to be the most contentious thing I say in this write-up, so let me just say that I am already aware that this is actually mostly a me problem. For whatever reason, my particular blend of astigmatism and ADHD made it almost impossible for me to follow anything that was happening on screen during an Eikon fight, with the exception of Garuda and Titan. Everything else was just too much happening all at once. And the very final Eikon fight you do? I could not make heads or tails of ANYTHING I was looking at because of the color palette, and I just kind of had to mash buttons and hope for the best.

But that's the only part of it that's a me problem. the rest of it is legitimate criticism. We need to talk about all the stupid bullshit that actually happens in those fights.

We need to talk about the fact that Phoenix and Ifrit did the fusion dance in outer space while fighting Bahamut. Because that shit almost made me turn the game off and never turn it back on again.

I don't care that it happened, necessarily. I care how it happened. That whole time, I just kept repeating in my head "thirteen years. Clive thought Joshua was dead for thirteen years. THIRTEEN YEARS. THIR.TEEN.YEARS. HE HAD REGULAR TRAUMA FLASHBACKS ABOUT IT. HE ALMOST KILLED HIMSELF OVER IT. AND THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING ON MY SCREEN RIGHT NOW BEFORE THEY'VE EVEN SAID HELLO"

The entire game is so serious and grounded and somber and gritty, but the second an Eikon fight starts, it's suddenly Dragon Ball Z, and we're expected to just go with it. And I mean, I love Dragon Ball Z. I've been in that fandom for over 25 fuckin years. But the Eikon battles were so tonally dissonant from the rest of the game that it was immersion-breaking and jarring every single time. Clive and Joshua actually have the dialogue exchange of "What can we do against that kind of power?" "We'll just have to believe in our own." before even having the "holy shit you're alive" conversation.

THIRTEEN YEARS.

THIRTEEN FUCKING YEARS.

I can't. It was awful. But this also ties into...

- The story/story structure in general. I've talked about this before. Used the analogy "if you took the cast of Uncharted and put them into Indigo Prophecy" but I've actually thought of one better. FFXVI is like a version of Silent Hill 2 where, halfway through the game, James reunited with Mary because she wasn't actually dead at all, and then the two of them teamed up to fight god. But then she died for real right before the ending. But then she came back again after, so it's still fine, actually.

That's Final Fantasy XVI.

The entire first half of the game is a red herring. It's bullshit. It's garbage. Throw it in the trash and forget about it, because the game sure as fuck did. FFXVI sets itself up to be a game about the person that Clive has chosen to become in the wake of his horrible trauma in a world that has taken so much from him. Then, at about the halfway point, the game goes "jk that horrible thing that Clive's entire personality has been shaped around never actually happened" and all of Clive's trauma symptoms literally disappear and are never brought up or alluded to ever again. Now, suddenly, the game is not about his personal quest of self-discovery -- but rather is now just Diet Supernatural: a story about the bond between two brothers who have to face off against god and defy their own fate.

cool.

And Clive and Joshua never talk about it. There's never a "hey what have you been up to for the past eighteen years?" conversation. No. After their super short-lived tearful reunion, they just immediately start interacting as though the two of them have always been together and they both know each other super well inside and out, despite the fact that the last time Clive saw Joshua, Joshua was eight fucking years old. And now he's a 26-year-old twink who's carrying an eldritch horror around in his chest and who lowkey wants to fuck Cid's daughter and is possibly bisexual and also wants to fuck Dion. And the last time Joshua saw Clive, Clive was a fifteen-year-old Good Boy who was a proper role model and just wanted to be loved and noticed. And now he's a 33-year-old former serial killer (and the "former" part is even questionable) who killed literally hundreds of men and then tried to kill himself in an attempt to avenge the murder of Joshua, which never actually fucking happened.

coolcoolcool.

I hate this fucking game.

But I also love it.

GOOD

+ The game gave me on-screen naked Clive not one, not two, but three different times. And of those three times, two of them ended up being sexual in nature. And the other one is uh... him naked and in chains, screaming and cursing and crying. thank u Yoshi-P. thank u.

+ Every character that's not listed on the "both good & bad" list, but I need to give a special shout-out to:

+ Ultima as a villain. His general vibe gave me the heebies in a way vidya villains haven't in a long time. His character design is phenomenal, his voice actor knocked it out of the park, and he has just enough of a background that you get where he's coming from, but it's not so over-explained that you wind up wanting to take his side instead (which has been a pitfall of Final Fantasy games in the past)

+ Music/sound design is excellent

+ This game is a graphical marvel. There's no disputing it.

+ Maps are a perfect size and make the world feel real

+ Worldbuilding is probably the best I've seen in a Final Fantasy title, if not in video games in general. Every nation in Valisthea felt distinct. Every location was fully thought-out, had its own history, and made sense. This is the only game that I have ever, in my 33 years of life, actually walked around every single town instead of running. I was that immersed in the world.

+ The combat system -- though I would technically list this as "good but with room for improvement." I disagree with Ryota Suzuki's opinion that this is the best combat system he's ever made. It's not. DMC5 is better by leaps and bounds. If FFXVI had an expanded abilities section that allowed you to put points into getting new moves and different regular melee combos (in addition to all of the Eikon abilities that are already there), then the combat would be Suzuki's best made. It's still great, don't get me wrong. But as someone who came into this game with a Devil May Cry background, my only options for regular attacks being Square, Triangle, Square+Triangle, Square+X and then nothing else was... lacking. Give me more of Nero's moveset, and that's the winning formula right there.

BOTH GOOD & BAD

Jill Warrick + fantastic concept, design, acting, and dialogue - underbaked and shoehorned backstory - shoved out of the story at basically the zero hour to make room for a male character

Personality-wise, Jill is one of the strongest-written women in Final Fantasy. Full stop. She stands shoulder-to-shoulder with greats like Aeris and Yuna in the sense that she feels like a real person with her own strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, vulnerabilities, courage, causes that she fights for, moral lines she won't cross, etc. etc. Very rarely does she just feel like an extension of Clive, or like she's only there to service his character arc/characterization (except towards the end, but we'll get to that later). She's likeable and consistent, and the game does a good job of making you want to be with her. I love her, and I want to be her when I grow up, but until then, I'll settle for just being her friend and braiding her hair at sleepovers.

Unfortunately, Jill's greatness pretty much only extends to her personality. They tried to give her a war criminal background, but the writers didn't really seem to care about it too much. She has an entire gameplay sequence/arc dedicated to her trying to confront/settle her war criminal past, but the game never really goes into what, actually and specifically, she did? Sure, she was put out onto the battlefield and killed a lot of soldiers, but she keeps referring to "horrible things" that she's had to do, and the game never decides to tell us what those horrible things actually were.

We're told that the guy who was keeping her captive also did horrible things -- worse things than Jill, herself, even had to do -- but we don't get to learn what these things are, either. We see him about to human sacrifice two kids, but is that really all it was? Child murder? Honey, it's war. Child murder happens. From the way Jill talks about it, it sounds more like horribly violent sexual assault and gruesome, drawn-out torture, but... shrug, I guess. We'll never know. We're not allowed to know. All we're allowed to know is that Jill just has to kill him, and then her past will be settled. So she kills him. And then her past is settled.

And she has to settle her past so that she can feel justified in standing at Clive's side until the end of his fight... but then she's not allowed to do that. Because the story is so shitty.

At the halfway mark, when the game stops being about Clive's journey of self-discovery and starts being strictly about ~brothers~, Jill gets shoved out of the story in order to make room for Joshua to step in. The game uses the contrivance of Clive taking Shiva from her in order to justify Jill's disappearance from the narrative, but there's two big fucking problems with that:

1. Dion had Bahamut taken from him by Clive, too, and yet he still retained his Eikon powers because he just believed in himself really hard -- and we have no reason to believe that Dion's will is any stronger than Jill's. Jill went through an entire arc of making sure she was able to stand as Clive's equal, and then... nope. 2. You can re-recruit Jill into your party in order to do sidequests and explore the world with her before leaving for the final Ultima battle, and she still uses all of her fucking ice powers.

So, there's no actual reason for her to be excluded from shit other than "shut up it's about brothers now." The game even has the audacity to have Joshua say to Clive "we need to remind Jill that she's still one of us." How about this, Joshua? How about Clive and Jill should be the ones reminding you that you're one of them, since you only came into this story halfway through it and didn't actually build up a bond with either of them in adulthood like they did with each other???

Truly, horrendously awful. Jill should've been at that Ultima fight, and I will die on this hill.

Dion Lesage + INCREDIBLY compelling story overall + excellent emotional pull, strong personality + best gay rep I've ever seen in a game, I think. the fact that he's gay is actually the least interesting thing about him. - does not get enough screentime for how important his character is

I'mma just say it. Final Fantasy XVI should have been a deuteragonst setup akin to Yakuza 0 where you swap back and forth between Clive and Dion, because Dion is way too important to the story to get as little attention and screentime as he does. His struggle with being the only person with any power still in the Empire who has a sense of integrity is super interesting, as is his inner conflict of trying to reconcile who his father used to be vs who he's become. Dion Lesage answers the question nobody asked of "What if Faramir of Gondor was a gay dragon who actually staged a coup?" And it's just excellent. His frustration and his anger paired with his sense of justice and empathy makes him so incredibly compelling.

And even after the political side of the story winds down in the wake of the chaos and bullshit that's being wreaked on the Ultima side of things, Dion is still crucial to the plot. Clive could not have won against Ultima without Dion. And to not go into that more -- to not go further into Dion's drive to continue moving forward, or his vision for the Empire and the world and what he personally feels like he owes to humanity and how all of these pieces fit together -- is so disappointing. There's an obvious emotional void where more of Dion's character story should be.

If we do ever get DLC for this game, the very first thing we should get is a Dion DLC.

Joshua Rosfield + just an absolute delight of a character personality, probably one of my favorites in the whole game + interesting concept - has absolutely no business being in the story at all past the tutorial

I don't normally like Joshua's character archetype. "Somber, mystical twink" has never been a type to do it for me.

But Joshua is incredible -- because they actually allow him to be more than just his archetype. Most times, the somber, mystical twink is only every allowed to be somber and mystical. That character's role is to be the arbitrary keeper of magic bullshit. You're meant to want to protect them, but they don't have a whole lot going on beyond that particular purpose. But Joshua is allowed to joke and laugh and be angry and romantic -- just be an actual person.

One of the best scenes in the game is when he hauls off and just decks Clive right in the face. It's so shocking in the best way possible. He's not angry because of plot reasons getting in the way of his somber, mystical bullshit. He's angry because his brother pissed him off -- because, sometimes, people do shit that just pisses you off. And for tiny little twink Joshua to not use magic, but to just rear back and swing at the 250+lb slab of beef that is Clive and shout at him for being an asshole just felt so real and so human, and I felt so connected to him in that moment.

And the scene where he and Mid meet for the first time -- fantastic. Incredible. Amazing. Wouldn't have changed a single thing about it. Especially when Mid goes around giving everyone hugs later on and she kind of hesitates before actually committing to hugging Joshua. Love it.

Joshua is a character that is full of very pleasant surprises that make him feel multifacted and real. And so, when he does do his somber, mystical bullshit -- I actually cared and found it interesting. I found myself rooting for him and invested in the things he was learning and how he was piecing it all together. I was super into his secret hunt for Ultima and the fact that he was housing an eldritch horror in his chest.

There's only one big problem with Joshua: his continued existence in the story makes the entire narrative shit. And that's not his fault. But it is the reality.

I love Joshua Rosfield. I would fucking go out with him if he asked. I would give him his own game if I could.

But he should've never been written or allowed to exist, for all of the reasons I listed in the story section of the "bad" column.

And that just fucking sucks.

Clive Rosfield + I love him, your honor + I absolutely love him + I want him to make tender love to me in the black of night under a full moon as the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the sand fills in the empty space around us, just as he did with Jill - his entire character concept gets fucking deleted at the halfway mark of the story and is never seen or referenced again

Clive is special. He's the best example of positive masculinity this side of Kazuma Kiryu. He's not just a power fantasy; he's a caretaker and a brother and a son and a friend and a boyfriend. He cries visible tears on-screen at least half a dozen times in this game. He's allowed to be vulnerable in a lot of different ways. He's willing to say the words "I love you" in front of other people. His cries for help are genuine and real -- when Clive talks about suicide, he means it.

But he's also a killer. And he's myopic. And stubborn. And ruthless. Clive is a self-centered man who doesn't actually care about himself at all, and he tends to warp the world around him in his destructive selfishness. And I say all of this as praise for his character, by the way.

Both versions of him are great -- tortured Clive and brother Clive.

The issue is that there's two versions of him, and there really shouldn't be.

I won't keep beating the dead horse that is FFXVI forgetting what its own story is about and completely changing course halfway through, but the character that suffers most because of that decision is Clive. If you connected with him as a fellow trauma survivor, you're going to feel very alienated by him in the latter half of the game when he's suddenly not anymore.

I'm not saying that Clive should've been in a constant state of trauma throughout the entire game -- I'm saying that all of his trauma symptoms shouldn't have just disappeared and been forgotten about. Even with Joshua returned to him, that doesn't undo the damage that he sustained over the course of thirteen years of his life. Or, at least, it shouldn't. That's exactly what happens in the story, but it shouldn't be that way. The fact that he never even had a line akin to "I can't lose you again" when he's holding Joshua's lifeless body at the end was mindblowing. Clive didn't blame himself or hearken back to any of that old hurt at all, and I don't know how no one on the entire dev team didn't point this out. Because, as a result of that, his reaction to Joshua's death doesn't feel sincere.

It almost feels like the devs had two different versions of the game written up -- one where Joshua stayed dead the whole time, and one where he was never meant to have been dead at all -- and then they mashed the two of them together for the final product. As a result, Clive actually feels like two distinctly different characters sometimes. There's not an obvious throughline for him that there is with someone like, say, Cloud, who also had to go through a similar journey of trauma processing.

Again: both versions of Clive are great. But he should only have been one character with one continuous arc; not two different character concepts rolled into one.

Clive & Jill's romance + built up slowly and carefully over time; the bond feels real + very real in the sense that they're both in their 30s and are still just kind of aimlessly trying at a relationship, but not really sure where to go or how to get there + Jill's love for Clive literally saves his life during the ending - their romance is the excuse the writers used to delete Jill's importance in the story towards the end

Because of the way that the story plays out, it almost comes off like Jill's entire purpose was to build up a romance with Clive and nothing else. Like, they have a whole game's worth of bonding and development and all that other fun shit -- but the second she finally sleeps with him, she's out of the story. She's done.

I trust I don't have to explain why that's a problem.

So, they have this weird thing going on where they are simultaneously the best and the worst romance in Final Fantasy. The building of their relationship is incredible; the way that they bond and interact is organic and genuine. And they even actually get to be an actual couple in this game, which, to my knowledge, didn't really happen in any other Final Fantasy. They don't just have the one Big Romantic Kiss; they have several over the course of a pretty wide swath of time. Clive takes Jill out on a date and asks her where she wants the relationship to go. Like, actual real boyfriend shit happens.

It just happens at the expense of Jill's relevance in the narrative -- which just straight-up isn't fair.

Oh, and if you're not sure what I mean about Jill's love for him saving his life, go here.

Ben Starr (Clive)'s voice acting + absolutely stand-out fantastic in full cutscenes - so horrible in sidequests it felt like he was given no voice direction at all. every single line of dialogue is delivered exactly the same. every time. and it's a fucking shame, because Clive is actually hilarious, but the botched delivery of the lines does not convey it.

A "more mature" Final Fantasy + the blood and sex and brutality was great and helped the characters feel more like actual real people. letting the characters curse was also great, but - bro tone down the swearing. it's cartoonish, after a while. almost started to feel like the writers were having a competition to see who could use the word "fuck" the most amount of times in a dialogue exchange. they used "fuck" for literally everything, when probably a "shit" or a "damn it" would have been better. and this is coming from someone who says the word "fuck" all the fucking time.

Sidequests + when the stories in the sidequests are good, they're GOOD. like, REALLY REALLY GOOD. - when they're not good, they're awful time-wasters and - there's no way of knowing whether a quest is going to be important/compelling or a waste of time when you start it, so every initiation of a quest is a roll of the dice - the actual activities you do during the quests are MMO-tier fetch quests or quick combat quests, which, to be fair, is also the same as the substories in Yakuza -- but the thing about Yakuza substories is that they're so over-the-top ridiculous that you don't notice that you're just performing very basic actions. the bad/boring sidequests in XVI really make you notice that that's all they are.

And that, my friends, is the summation of the strange paradox that is Final Fantasy XVI. Simultaneously one of the best and one of the worst games I’ve ever played.

#final fantasy xvi #ffxvi spoilers #i don't expect anyone to actually read this whole thing #i just needed to get it out #for my own sanity

[hxneyhxrts]

Sun Bleached || Jake “Hangman” Seresin (part 5)

Part 4

note: you guys i woke up to 90+ notifications you all are fucking mental thank you. PS follow me on tiktok (18+ pretty please i don’t want to send hangman thirst traps to minors babes) @ brains4hands (let’s be besties). enjoy this, love you guys, happy pride

warnings: explicit language

God Must Hate Me

Jake almost couldn’t bring himself to attend the graduation.

Since his little revelation (could it be called that if Rooster had to practically beat it into him?), Hangman had successfully and narrowly avoided Gwyn outside of any professional setting.

For the most part.

There was the occasional run-in in the hallway or casual glance during meetings, but those interactions were enough to shake him so thoroughly that he had avoided her like the plague.

Unless they were flying.

In the sky, they were just pilots with a job to do and drills to work through. He had something else to focus on, somewhere to put his hands so they wouldn’t traitorously reach for her instead. It was also the only place he allowed himself to really talk (honestly, “flirt” was probably the better word) with her, pushing at pulling at her over comms from the safety of his plane where he couldn’t see her face light up or twist in annoyance. Treating her like everyone else could be done, so long as he had the buffer of open air between them so she couldn’t see him wiping his hands across the canvas covering his thighs every few minutes.

Drills became his favorite part of the day.

The utter helplessness Jake felt was what had him casting off attending their graduation altogether, but Bradshaw had given him a knowing smirk and teased him about being a good squad leader and making a good example.

So he sat through the ceremony, completely tuning out whatever instructor they had deemed important enough to speak about the eliteness of Top Gun, and keeping his eyes glued to the back of Gwyn’s head from her seat in the front row. He hadn’t seen her face yet, thank God, and he had spent the entire ceremony thus far mentally preparing himself for the inevitable.

Too soon, the speeches and clapping and whoops were over, and Jake steeled himself with his signature smirk as graduates filed their way around him with grins that he met with small, “congratulations”. His eyes snagged on the very person he had been eyeing since he arrived, holding his breath until he saw her quickly peel away from the crowd and stalk away alone.

He wanted to follow her. Wanted to chase after her and ask if everything was okay. He could easily blame it on being a concerned squadron leader, he reasoned.

Alec slid up next to him as he stared at the spot she had just been, the other man’s eyes scanning the crowd as he spoke. “It’s too goddamn hot to have these things outside.”

Phoenix appeared at Jake’s other shoulder, the brunette only glancing at him strangely before addressing the younger lieutenant. “Where’s the rest of you?” she teased.

Laughter peeled from Alec’s chest. “She ran to change her clothes real quick. Hates the dress whites.”

Jake blew out a sigh that had lodged itself in his throat, the noise immediately drawing the attention of both of his counterparts, but he drew on a smile before Phoenix pushed her way into figuring him out the way she always seemed to do.

Guests and graduates alike mingled all around them, and he half wondered which were here for her. He couldn’t spot any with the same wild hair or curve to their nose, and no one seemed to be looking around for her the way he was.

Strange.

“Oh, darling, thank God! I was starting to think you forgot how to do the zipper,” Alec hollered, a few people turning to gawk at his volume, but his eyes (and Jake’s) remained on the girl sliding through the crowd. “It goes up and down, by the way.”

Her laugh was short but filled with mirth nonetheless. She slid under Alec’s arm, and Jake wanted to laugh at the pathetic jealousy that cracked itself open inside of him.

Jealous.

He was jealous.

Of fucking Alec.

Phoenix congratulated them both with a polite smile as Coyote came up behind the pair and shook their shoulders. “Look at you two! Freshly graduated and already landing a spot with the big boys, huh?”

Words blurred together and Jake tuned them out, not really in the mood for teasing and talking, until a hand landed at his elbow softly. Hesitantly.

Looking up was useless, he knew who it was immediately from the tingles he felt where her hand met his body, but he did it anyway. Her eyes were on him and she was smiling. Not the full, broad grins she handed out freely during drills or when Alec made some raunchy comment that made Jake look like a saint. No, this smile seemed private, like it was only meant for him.

Fuck.

“I wanted to say thank you, Lieutenant Seresin,” she started, pulling her hand away while Jake resisted the urge to grab it and put it back on his arm. “Alec and I are really excited to join the team and work with you.”

“Jake,” he barely choked out past his own tongue. “You can call me Jake.” His hands clenched by his sides and it was the weight of Phoenix’s eyes on the side of his head that forced him to grin that infamous Hangman grin when he spoke next. “Since we’re on the same team now, and all.”

Gwyn smiled again, this one happier, and God he wished Trace would mind her business so he could swallow and short circuit in peace.

“Jake,” Gwyn said, finally.

“Gwyn,” he replied.

“Alec,” her RIO announced, inserting himself into their bubble. He smiled down at his friend and Jake watched as color filled her cheeks. “So Jake,” Alec began, tone light and teasing, “what’s the job?”

“Not today,” Jake insisted. “Today is about you guys. We can talk specifics later. For now, just enjoy the day with your families.”

Alec’s face dropped at the mention of family, head whipping around to scan through the faces gathered. His brown was pinched as he turned back to Gwyn. “Where are they?”

The younger girl looked sheepish and Jake zeroed in on the expression. “Not here,” she muttered.

Alec’s jaw tensed before he slid his arm from her shoulders and spun on his heel. “I’m calling them,” he decided and Gwyn was quick to snatch his arm to yank him back.

“I will tell them!” she insisted. “Just not yet.”

Shaw looked at her wearily, his gaze more serious than Jake had ever seen it. With a sigh, he pulled his arm free, but remained where he stood. “Fine,” he relented.

Natasha had struck up a conversation with Payback, leaving Jake to witness the conversation play out alone. The look on Gwyn’s face told him now wasn’t the time to pry.

So he smirked instead, faux cheer and coolness clouding him. “Now that you two are finished with your lover’s quarrel, we have speed drills tomorrow at nine.” He turned to leave, and realized his fists were still clenched at his sides. “Don’t be late,” he threw over his shoulder before charging away as quickly as he could without raising suspicion.

—------------

California had taken a noticeable break from its unrelenting heat, and the crisp morning that greeted them was refreshing. The sky was clear and bright and Jake had secretly relished in the dew he had to wipe from the canopy of his plane before takeoff.

The perfect morning, he mused.

The drills were to be done solo today, each pilot running through routine speed drills and the like by themselves. ‘Back to basics,’ Maverick had said. A way to keep everyone fresh and alert in case they got called out. Jake didn’t mind and found it a bit easier to focus without others around him.

The threat of attack was always looming over them, a counter strike against their last mission, but the urgency seemed to be fading with every day that passed. Jake reasoned that if an attack were actually planned, it would’ve happened by now. Yet, he kept that to himself, content to enjoy the quiet days with his team.

And now Gwyn, he could begrudgingly admit.

Gwyn, who was now taking her laps out at the clearing. He had decided against listening in on comms, preferring to give himself a little bit more time before he had to be consumed by her for the day.

He had leaned himself against one of the makeshift desks in the hangar, chatting with Payback, and silently counting down the minutes until he knew Cheek and Rev were scheduled to return. If his friend noticed him anxiously glancing at his watch every few minutes, he didn’t say anything.

The sound of boots pounding against the cement echoed suddenly, a fast and angry stride filling his ears. He turned his head to find Maverick trying and failing to keep pace with a much larger man. A sailor, by the looks of his uniform, mixed blues and boots that thunked with every heavy step he took. The man was broad, just a hair shorter than Jake, but not weaker by any means. And by the look on his pinched face, he was pissed.

“Where is she?” he all but yelled, and Maverick’s stumbling steps caught up to him as he replied.

“She just landed, it’ll just be a moment, Commander.”

Jake’s spine straightened unconsciously at the title, but the man didn’t seem to care who was around or who was listening as he stormed closer.

“Gwyn!” came Alec’s holler from the opposite direction.

Jake’s head swiveled to find Alec chasing her much like Maverick had chased the newcomer, desperately trying to match her pace.

If he thought the commander looked angry, it was nothing compared to the malice that poisoned Gwyn’s usually open and bright face.

“What the hell are you doing?” she sneered, chucking her helmet to the side as she stomped, coming almost toe to toe with the sailor, and Jake actually cringed at the way her voice rattled through the room.

A voice that was directed at someone several ranks above her.

Christ.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he fired back, hands on his side in a pose that screamed authority. Gwyn didn’t even flinch.

The tension in the room could’ve been sliced with a knife and every single team member who had gathered for drills watched the exchange like a tennis match, eyes bouncing back and forth and rapt with attention.

“What are you even doing here?” Gwyn hissed, and Alec eyed her nervously from where he was rooted just a few feet behind her.

“No, no, no,” the commander barked. “It’s not your turn to ask questions. I want to know what you’re doing. Why the hell didn’t you tell me you were at Top Gun? You didn’t think to call me and let me know?” his voice rose with each word, and Jake clamped down on the urge to step in. “I had to hear that you were not only here, but had graduated, from my fucking coworkers!”

“So you think it’s okay to drive down here and jump on my radio?” Gwyn shouted, throwing her hands up in a rage.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” her opponent pressed.

The young woman laughed in disbelief, gesturing to the space between them. “Look at how you’re taking it. Would you tell you?”

“I can’t believe I’m even having this conversation with you,” the commander hissed. “I mean didn’t a kid die in this program a few years ago? And you thought ‘oh that’s perfect’? What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I’m thinking I finished top of my class,” Gwyn raged, moving in closer now, getting a wary glance from Maverick. “None of this has anything to do with you.”

The sailor’s face deepened several shades, and Jake noticed Phoenix cringe beside him as the man practically roared at his team member. “It has everything to do with me!”

Hangman couldn’t help the small surge of pride at seeing Gwyn hold her ground so well against someone who made men cower for a living. A ridiculous feeling, but one he reveled in.

“How?” Gwyn shouted, more of a demand than a question. Jake’s ears were beginning to ring at the sheer volume, but he couldn’t pull his eyes away. It was like watching a plane crash that you desperately want to look away from, but watch in morbid fascination, eager to see what happens next.

“Because I love you!”

A stone dropped in his stomach.

Gwyn scoffed, putting her hands on her hips and perfectly mirroring the commander’s stance as he barreled on. “And when you love something, you tend to want what’s best for them. And this-” he gestured around wildly, “-is not necessarily what I think is best. It’s dangerous. It was one thing for you to enlist and just fly, but Top Gun?”

Jake had never considered the possibility that Gwyn had someone waiting for her at home. He had never stopped to think that there could be someone out there who saw the same obvious appeal in her that he did. Now being faced with it, watching an actual lover’s spat play out in front of him…

He swallowed down that now familiar pang of jealousy.

Because of course she had her person. No one that charismatic and alluring stayed single for very long, and Jake had been too naive in his blooming feelings for her to consider that she had already been plucked off the market.

Not the perfect morning, then.

Gwyn spun on her heel, heading back out towards the tarmac. “I’m not having this conversation with you.”

The commander huffed. “I don’t want to spend our first day together in months fighting. I’d rather talk this out now before we end up bickering at dinner.”

“Too bad,” Gwyn snorted, snatching her helmet from where it had skittered across the cement.

Jake watched Gwyn’s partner clench his fists, nostrils flaring. “Lieutenant Canadee, I am not asking you, I am telling you.”

Gwyn stopped a few feet away, shoulders tense and hand curled into a fist where it white-knuckled her helmet.

Then all hell broke loose.

Gwyn turned on him, quicker than Jake could process, striding to do him fast enough to charge him before Alec grabbed her forcefully by the arm. “What the fuck did you just say to me?” She was pushing against Alec who had now inserted his full body between her and the sailor. “You’re pulling rank? We aren’t even in the same division, dickhead!”

“Canadee!” Maverick chastised, seemingly without realizing it. At his voice, Cheek stopped bucking against her friend, but her eyes remained locked on the commander.

Rev’s hands were firmly planted against her chest as he spoke to the man over his shoulder. “If it makes you feel any better, Mo, she has a fantastic flying partner. Real handsome guy,” he joked, trying to dispel the tension even though his voice was strained.

The man, Mo, broke his stare, and the look he leveled Alec with was venomous. “That doesn’t give me any sort of relief, Lieutenant Shaw.”

Alec’s face fell slightly and Gwyn was lunging again while he pushed at her shoulders. “Watch how you speak to him.”

Alec blanched, the pure panic in his eyes finally registering. “G, it’s fine. Just-”

“No, it’s not.”

“It’s fine, I promise-”

“I’m not going to let him-”

“Gwyn, I am begging you to just let it go and walk away,” he pleaded. “Please.”

Gwyn’s eyes were still steely, but she relented and turned to leave once more.

Mo scoffed. “See you at dinner!”

Alec’s hand grabbing the back of her suit was the only thing that kept her from turning around.

—--------

Drills came and went, Gwyn remaining silent throughout the entire day and stomping off once four o’clock rolled around. Jake tried not to envision her getting dressed for her dinner date, tried not to think about how she’d pick out something nice to wear despite her irritation, and how badly he wished he was on the receiving end of her efforts.

‘This is fucking stupid,’ he told himself. ‘Who cares that she has a boyfriend?’

‘Or a husband,’ came the reply in his head.

He wanted to throw up at the thought.

Jake Seresin had always been a jealous person. Vehemently so. Old girlfriends had teased him for it, but he had never minded it. He was man enough to admit that maybe he toed the line of being possessive, but it had never bothered him. Not like this.

She was in a relationship. Someone loved her. There was someone waiting for her at home, someone who cared so deeply about her that they’d risk her wrath just to keep her safe. Sure, Jake thought it a bit ridiculous for her partner to try managing her so closely, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that there was someone to try and manage her, regardless of how controlling it seemed.

It wasn’t his place to be angry. It wasn’t his place to quietly simmer at the man who had waltzed in and tried to outrank her feelings and aspirations because it wasn’t what he wanted. Jake knew it wasn’t his business how their dynamic played out, but he couldn’t help disliking the way Mo had spoken to Gwyn, the way he had tried to dictate her with such authority. He could understand being upset. Hell, Jake would even be upset if his girlfriend (or wife, he thought bitterly) hadn’t told him about shipping off to Top Gun. Maybe even livid. But he wouldn’t try to stop her. He’d never even dream of it.

It wasn’t about what he would do, though. Gwyn wasn’t his girlfriend (or fuck, his wife), and it wasn’t up to him how their relationship unfolded.

And besides, he had only known her for about two weeks. Two weeks was nothing compared to a relationship with someone in love.

He knew all of this.

It didn’t lessen the sting.

—------------

The Hard Deck was just as deafening as usual. Aviators and civilians alike crawling their way through and around each other filled the space, and God even the air felt sticky.

Gross.

Jake’s foul mood was absolutely to blame for the bitterness in his attitude, but he couldn’t be assed to care. He lost count how many times Rooster had ribbed him for glaring at anyone who brushed too close to the group, joking that the Navy had invested in guard dogs. Even biting back at Bradshaw felt like a chore, so he just let him ramble on.

Maverick had showed up not long after them, choosing to sit at the bar and longingly stare at the older brunette mixing drinks behind it.

A man in love.

How awful.

Jake was just starting to find amusement in the love-stricken face of his instructor when a bawdy cheer and holler tore his attention back to his team. Coyote had his arms raised in greeting before bringing them down to clap Alec across the back as the man stumbled in with a placated smile, Gwyn trailing closely behind him.

And behind her, the commander.

The elder had dressed out of his uniform, like the twins, opting for something much more casual. The way Gwyn pulled at the hem of her denim shorts snagged his attention, and fuck, he wished California wasn’t so goddamn hot so she didn’t wear those goddamn shorts that strung him out.

She was smiling, a complete switch in her scowl from earlier, as she shoved at Payback affectionately before turning to him. Her eyes lit up just a fraction, small enough that he questioned if he had imagined it, but she was walking up to him with a bounce in her step and wait fuck she was walking up to him.

“Hi,” she started, playing with her hands.

“Hi,” he responded and God he needed water or something.

He hadn’t expected to see her tonight. She was supposed to be off on some dinner date while he sulked around the bar until Penny kicked him out so he could drive himself home and wallow in his own misery for the remainder of the night. But now she was here, and this wasn’t part of the plan. He needed ample time to mentally prepare for her but now he was thrown right into the middle of her orbit, no lifeline or tapping out.

She already has someone who loves her.

Gwyn settled into the chair next to him, her arm brushing his as she settled her elbows on the high top table. A thrill ran through him at the contact and he wanted to flex his fingers so he could run them across her skin and see if it was as soft as it looked.

Jake wanted to tell her how pretty she looked in the low lighting of the bar. Or how he had memorized the curve of her cupid’s bow instead of paying attention during the team meeting. Maybe tell her that he hadn’t stopped thinking about her all day even when she wasn’t around and that his little crush was bordering on infatuation and that he had never dealt with this kind of feeling and how sick it made him to see her walk in with someone else.

“I thought you had dinner plans,” he said instead.

Her eyes softened, looking behind him at Mo quickly before turning her attention back to him. “I’ve had enough of him for the day, I wanted to hang out with you guys.”

Jake didn’t want to think what “enough of him” meant, so he just nodded instead. “So, you didn’t tell him about Top Gun?”

Gwyn tensed and he wanted to take the words right back, snatch them out of the air and swallow them whole just to wipe the soured look on her face away. “No,” she sighed. “I didn’t.” Her fingers played nervously with the cotton of Jake’s sleeve, a mindless gesture she didn’t seem to notice she was even doing, but fuck he did. He had honed in completely on the caress of her fingers through the fabric and almost missed her words altogether. “He’s just a worrier. I knew he’d be upset and try to convince me not to go, so I told him I had been stationed out in the Carolinas. I figured I’d tell him after I finished, but it looks like naval gossip beat me to the punch,” she laughed.

Jake swallowed. “He must care about you very much.”

Gwyn looked at him, almost through him, when she smiled. “Yeah. He does.”

As if sensing the discussion surrounding him, Mo popped up behind her and slung an arm across her shoulders. “Lieutenant,” he greeted them with a small smirk.

Jake’s entire body was rigid. “Commander.”

Gwyn rolled her eyes, and this time, her fingers splayed across his arm completely and intentionally. “You don’t have to call him that.”

The man laughed, shaking her shoulder a bit where he held it. “God forbid someone has some respect around here,” he laughed as he detached his arm from her shoulders to offer his hand to Jake. “Mo,” he introduced.

“Jake Seresin,” he replied, gripping the hand held out to him a little tighter than necessary.

Mo’s eyes shifted, suddenly unreadable. “Hangman,” he concluded while pointing at Jake, and the callsign sounded accusatory. He nodded his head, glancing down at Gwyn while he continued. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

‘I’ve heard all about how cozy you are with my girlfriend,’ the unspoken words hanging in Jake’s head.

‘Or wife.’

Fuck.

The air was thick around them. Gwyn had taken to nervously glancing at Mo, some unspoken conversation passing between them until the commander detached himself with a small serpentine smile.

“Well I’m gonna go play pool. You two have fun.” And with that, he was gone.

Leave it to Jake to develop feelings (and God, even flirt) with a taken woman. He deserved to get his ass kicked thinking back on all the little remarks he had made to her in an attempt to “treat her like everybody else” and the urge to stand up and deck Maverick for the suggestion was overwhelming.

“Sorry about him,” Gwyn mumbled, fingers recoiling from him and no, no, no he wanted to beg her, come back. “He can be insufferable.”

Treat her like everyone else.

“Probably just checking that I’m not putting the moves on his girlfriend,” he swallowed, itching to flee to the bar and drink his sorrows away right next to his captain.

Cheek’s eyes flew to his face, searching for something before her lip curled. “Oh my God, what? No. No, he’s not my boyfriend.”

Husband, then.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Mo’s my brother.”

Oh.

Oh.

Shame pulsed at Jake’s temples at the immense relief he felt (fuck, he needed to get a grip). Gwyn was still sputtering at him, and he only half heard as she fake gagged.

“Christ, did you think he and I were dating? Oh my God, no. Ew.” She shook her head, brows completely pinched. “No, that jackass is alone forever as far as I’m concerned,” she mumbled while she played with the label on his beer.

He was her brother.

Brother.

Jake couldn’t help the grin that split his cheeks, staring at her openly and unabashedly as she ranted. He took the chance to rub the pad of his finger across the back of her hand while she talked, basking in the silk feeling until he spoke again. “I must have misread that, then,” he smiled, and he had never been happier to be wrong.

“Big time,” she laughed, eyes flickering to where his finger danced across her arm. “Besides, I don’t think any sane person would want to date me with as much as I have to move around. Not very appealing, huh?” she joked as she bumped her shoulder against his.

Single. She was single.

“You never know,” he grinned without trying, full and unguarded and he hoped she couldn’t see how completely taken with her he was.

She scoffed, but it held no malice. “Yeah, we’ll see about that.”

They certainly would.

Part 6

taglist: @rachelccollier @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @the-winter-marvel33 @barbiewritesstuff @dilfsandtherapy

#jake hangman seresin #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin #jake hangman x reader #hangman top gun

[pennylanefics]

The Librarian - Jake Kiszka | Chapter 8

a/n: this is the moment that i was so excited to write when i first started planning this 🥰 and as always thanks to jas @maud-gone for helping me with the beginning of this fic bc without her idea, i would've hated how this turned out.

word count: ~ 2.5k

JAKE’S POV:

Waking up the next morning felt a little unreal. Images of yesterday flash in my mind, from (Y/N) crying over her laptop, to her leaning in and kissing my cheek after she admitted she likes me. It was surreal to think this is where everything has led me to, things never turn out this way for me.

 All I’m able to do that day following is be alone with my thoughts and plan our trip next Thursday, making sure to text her all the details; I even made a playlist for our drive up there with some of her favorite songs that she’s mentioned, as well as artists I know she likes. The excitement bubbling in my chest was hard to contain at this point, and I really couldn’t wait for this date.

Sunday rolls around, and I still have yet to speak to Josh since that day, which I get is a bit excessive, but I’m tired of him acting like this. Even though he was unsuccessful in his attempt to get (Y/N), it’s the fact that he still tried to weasel his way between us.

But that’s all ruined, and so is my mood, when I’m trying to walk out the door to head to work and Josh stops me. I’m attempting to slip my shoes on, but he’s hovering over me, so I look up at him, confused.

“Can we talk?” He says, his voice small and appearing to be apologetic and full of sorrow. “I want to apologize for everything I’ve done.”

I stand straight up and check my phone, seeing that I’m not entirely running late yet, but if I want to make it on time, I should be leaving in a minute or so.

“I’m so sorry for the way I’ve treated you all these years when it comes to girls that you’ve liked. I see how horribly it’s affected you and I’m sorry for putting you through that so much.”

“Took you long enough,” I mutter under my breath. Josh rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest.

“I should’ve taken your word for it and seen it sooner, but I was too blind in my own ego. But I see how much you like (Y/N) and I really should have just backed off instead of trying to get her instead.”

“Yeah, you couldn’t have realized that from the times that I talked and talked about her? How I gushed about her after that day that we spent in the back aisle, her telling me all about her interest? You really didn’t get the hint until you had to go ruin your own chance of her liking you, huh? Only when it’s affected you, in the way that she ran out after you kissed her, do you apologize.”

“That’s not what this is about, Jake! God, see you always do this! You always think I make everything about me, but I really did like her! And…” I narrow my eyes at him, checking my phone once more. I was definitely going to be late, and I couldn’t afford that.

“And what?!” I spit out, finished with his hesitancy. 

“I…went over to her place Friday night to check up on her and I ended up telling her how I felt.” My body goes numb as I stare at my twin in disbelief. 

“Fucking seriously, Josh?” I growl, starting to grow angry, but I manage to keep my cool, somehow.

“Relax! She turned me down because she said she has feelings for you. So you win, go fucking celebrate that.” I laugh cynically and shake my head, grabbing his shoulder to turn him back around. Hell, I’m already late, what does it matter at this point?

“You just don’t get it, do you? This wasn’t about winning anything. This is about you thinking you are better than me and always managing to ruin my crushes and relationships! I really like (Y/N), and I have from the start. And you KNEW that! You fucking knew how much I liked her, yet you still thought it was okay to try and date her simply because you guys bonded over making a film together and all that. I get that you do like her, because who wouldn’t? She’s incredible. But you go back to your big, ego way of thinking that you are somehow better than me and think that she’ll like you more.”

“I never thought that. I wanted her to like me, but that-”

“That’s exactly it, Josh! For fuck sake! You WANTED her to like you even though you know I had a huge crush on her! What don’t you understand!” This finally seems to get through his head as soon as the words leave my lips. 

My chest is heaving up and down, the anger coursing through my body. I check my phone one more time before sighing softly and grabbing my backpack.

“I gotta go, I’m late.”

I storm out of the house and to my car, quickly making my drive up to work. As expected, I’m just a few minutes late, but Lily sees my expression and walks right over to where I was putting my backpack into my designated cubby.

“Everything alright?” She wonders. I shrug, not really in the mood to talk about what just happened.

“Just…brother stuff,” I mumble. She nods and walks off, but not before handing me a note. Confused, I look down at the yellow sticky note.

Thanks to you, I was able to get my script done in time to send it to Antoinette! Here’s to hoping I don’t have to make a ton of edits so I can get to spend more time with you finally :) - (Y/N)

My heart races and a huge smile spreads across my face. Walking out of the break room, I go straight to Lily, who sits at her desk. Though she senses me behind her and turns around, her mug of steaming coffee in her hands.

“She was in here yesterday, told me to give it to you,” she simply says. “She’s very sweet.”

“Yeah,” I murmur, grinning down at the note like an idiot. “She’s great.” I stick it on the bottom of the comptuer that I sit at and take a seat, my mood instantly improving just at the mention of her.

YOUR POV:

Wednesday morning, you decide to spend the day at the library, wanting to get the final edits done that Antoinette sent back to you. She emailed them back Monday evening, and you’ve thankfully been able to get some work done at home, with your mom being fully back at work now that she’s settled in and your sisters having resolved their issues on their own.

But Wednesday was a tough one, so you just head into the library, also knowing that Jake would be there, and it would be better to talk your trip out tomorrow in person rather than fully over text. It was a nice day anyway, so taking the short stroll would be a nice little mind cleanser.

Sitting in your spot, your chocolate croissant and hot chocolate, courtesy of Jake, to the right of your laptop, you type away, flipping back and forth between her notes and your script. However, one of the employees comes up to you, and you’ve never seen her before; you figure she works on Thursdays usually, because you’ve kind of gotten to know everyone else.

“Hi, my name is Beatrice,” she introduces, sticking her hand out. You shake it and gaze up at the midd-aged woman with long, greying hair. “I heard from Jake himself that he’s taking you on a date, and before you get to see what he’s really like outside of work, just know that Jake is a wonderful young man and-”

“Hey, (Y/N), I was wondering if you could help me put some books away?” Jake suddenly appears, asking you. His expression reads how embarrassed he is, and how he wanted Beatrice to get back to work and stop bothering you.

Giggling, you save your progress and shut your laptop before taking his hand to follow him to the back section. It’s the farthest away from the front of the store, thankfully for him, he can escape his co-workers for just a little while.

“So, what else was she gonna say about you?” You tease him, shoving his arm playfully. His face, once again, goes bright red and he casts his eyes to the floor.

“I’m not even sure, but I knew I had to save you the embarrassment of whatever it was. They all seem to have like, this sense of protectiveness over me. And as much as I appreciate it, sometimes it can get too much.” He rolls over a cart filled with books, placing it on one side of the aisle so that you two could stand in front of it.

“I think it’s sweet that they do,” you smile over at him. His hand raises to his face and he adjusts his glasses with his knuckle. Today, he was wearing his tan frames, a pair that you’ve seen a couple times; they compliment his eyes, and his navy sweater, very well.

“It’s sweet until they’re saying something super embarrassing.”

“Well, that I can understand. But, I’ll save you that as well. What songs are we going to listen to on the drive to Detroit?”

Jake’s entire face lights up and he pauses to pull his phone out.

“I actually made a playlist, uh,” he mumbles, handing you his phone as soon as the playlist is queued up. “I remembered some of your favorites, and also the artists you mostly listen to.” 

As you scroll through, sure enough, you see a lot of songs that you love and listen to every day, including some of his own just for a little mix. A small wave of tears pools in your eyes as you notice he’s put some obscure artists that you’ve mentioned in passing, loving the fact that it’s clear he’s paid attention to minor details about you over the past weeks.

You two start to get in a groove of putting the books back, coming up with a system where you put one away, then he puts the next one away, and so forth. Soon enough, you are finished with the top shelf of the cart, moving to the books on the bottom.

Jake bends over to bring the books to the top, and you get back to sorting through them before starting to put the back on the shelves. Jake pulls the cart down the aisle each time and you follow, handing him a book and him doing the same to you.

Once they were all finished, you look over at Jake, who throws you a thumbs up.

“Nice work, intern,” he jokes, pushing you playfully. Gasping, you retaliate and push him back with the same amount of force.

“Watch yourself, if this whole screenwriting competition doesn’t work out, I’m coming for your job.”

Jake fakes a scared expression, and soon breaks it due to his laughter.

“Oh I’m so scared,” he continues on. You smack his arm, and within seconds, he grabs your hand and pulls you close to him. You try and wriggle away, but he keeps you close, not with a super tight grip, but a jestering one, one that tells you this is just play fighting.

You go back and forth, trying to remove his grip from your wrist or him trying to free his wrist from yours, and before you can register what is happening, he places his hands on your hips and presses you into the shelf behind you. From the other side, you could hear a few books fall to the floor with a loud CLUNK.

But neither of you moved, too caught up in the other. With Jake’s face so close to yours, you could feel his breath fan across your lips, and it made your heart race in your chest. Both of your giggles die down, and now it’s silent.

Jake’s eyes flicker down to your lips rather quickly, but you manage to catch it, focusing on the brown irises, getting lost in them. Sensing what was to come, you lean your head forward just a tad, enough for him to get the hint.

But he doesn’t. Instead, he awkwardly backs away from you, his hands falling away from your waist, and one of them raising to nervously rub the back of his neck. He stares at you, mouth slightly agape, eyes filled with worry.

Reaching out, still leaning against the bookshelf, you place one hand on his chest and the other on his neck, which was now vacant from his own touch. He lets out a shaky breath as you attempt to pull him back to you.

“I want to kiss you, Jake,” you whisper, trying to convey as much emotion as you could to him. “Please.”

With that small plead, he takes a deep breath and moves back in with the guidance of your hand on his neck. Sure, he’s kissed a few girls before, but you? Oh, you were so special to him.

His hands return to your hips, though one of them travels up your back holding you firmly in his grip. With another deep breath released from his lips, he leans forward and you meet him halfway, your lips finally pressing into one another’s.

As soon as they do, your head starts to spin. He tastes of the coffee he had been drinking, a hint of vanilla and hazelnut in it; instantly, it was a taste you could never get tired of. The kiss was soft and Jake was being as careful as ever not to cross any line that you didn’t want him to.

But you take matters into your own hands and deepen the kiss. Within seconds, he falls into it, holding you tighter against him, wanting to feel as close to you as he possibly could. Your lips move against one another gracefully, and you could’ve sworn you heard a small whimper from Jake.

But you push that out of your mind for the moment and focus on the feel of his soft, soft lips and how great of a kisser he is. Though to your dismay, Jake breaks away soon after, letting you know that he needs to take a breath. His forehead rests against yours, and once again, you can feel his warm breath on your face.

Your hands fall to his shoulders and you immediately notice his trembling figure.

“Hey,” you whisper, reaching around you to grab his hands, which were just as shaky as his shoulders. “Are you okay?” He lets out a light chuckle and nods, placing your hands firmly on his chest. Beneath his sweater, you can feel his heart beating rapidly.

“Y-yeah,” he responds, still fighting for his breath. He cups your cheeks, forcing you to look into his eyes. His thumbs run over the apple of your cheeks, his pointer finger moving to trace the side of your nose, then down to your lips. They were slightly swollen from the kiss, making Jake smirk a little as he runs his finger across them. “Just never thought I’d be kissing the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.”

—

taglist: @maud-gone @streamingcolors-gvf @mweasley19 @lolipopsandgumdrops @universoulindigo @byulgogii @artsygarbitch @dannyandthekiszkas @shutupdevvie @writingcold @fan-girl-97 @sunfl0wer-power @rhythm-of-space @allieisacrybaby @gardenofgreta @interstellar-shores @anythingforjtk @gretavanbitches @thecoldwind @surmonella @why-ami-on-here @milkgemini @spark-my-nature

#the librarian #jake kiszka #jake kiszka imagines #jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka imagine #jake kiszka fanfiction #jake kiszka fanfic #greta van fleet #gvf #greta van fleet imagines #gvf imagines #greta van fleet fanfic #gvf fanfic #josh kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner #imagines #fanfiction #fanfic

[missyourflight]

some stuff i read and watched in november:

taskmaster (s16): what a delight!! what a fucking charming bunch of weirdos, sam campbell somehow everything to me now?? if you think susan wokoma is hot you should watch bbc CHEATERS etc

black swan: first rewatch for ages and it still goes so hard, Love the score, natalie as ever at her best when you can see the gears going in her head, she was perfect!!

the girl with the dragon tattoo: it's been fincher season on blank check, rewatched this for i think the first time since i saw it at the pictures and liked it much more, especially the mara/craig chemistry and all the snow and knitwear etc. it's great when she's like put your hand back in my shirt and he does it

anatomy of a fall: more snow - really liked this - between this and saint omer it's the year of french legal dramas etc. her lawyer with the hair and the chemistry and that other lawyer from 120 bpm!

saltburn: UGH. i'd heard such mixed things and i was actually having fun up until the Turn (although if they're freshers in 2006 they're not the class of 2006 are they emerald) but the ending is So stupid that it made me hate the whole thing lol. imo it's fine to criticise posh people for making shit art!! some of them make interesting art but not emerald fennell!!

the eternal daughter: meanwhile joanna hogg said posh filmmaker rights actually! i loved this, so quiet and haunting and the costumes and the hotel of it all. you can't know your parents really ever!! when i'm old nobody's going to be around to take care of me!! and so like aching as an extension of the souvenir project plus back to the evergreen joanna hogg theme of rich people having an awful time on holiday etc

napoleon: had way too much fun with this, was not prepared for it to be so funny and so full of Guys - paul rhys! tom godwin! sam troughton as robespierre??? mr segundus himself aka edward hogg!!! great year of looking at vanessa kirby's feline face between this and mission impossible. aren't we all just trying to enjoy a succulent breakfast etc

may december: my favourite thing i've seen this year maybe?? natalie and julianne having so much fun with like the monstrous performance mirrors meanwhile charles melton's performance is entirely heartbreaking?? so deeply deeply sad and moving?? goddamn todd haynes

yentl: every talks about how hot young mandy patinkin is in yentl and yet i was Entirely unprepared my god

miami vice: loved this!!! like yes it's mumble city and who knows what's going on but colin farrell and gong li going to havana in a go fast boat to drink mojitos and dance salsa and fall in love??? it's digital cinema and it's very tender!!! brb listening to numb/encore again etc

robert macfarlane, underland: a deep time journey: macfarlane is like my favourite writer on like nature and our environment and this was just so cool, caves and catacombs and nuclear waste under the ice

victoria gosling, bliss and blunder: look, some of us were deeply into and forever changed by the merlin fandom, and that's okay! this was a sort of fun modern take on arthurian legend - parts of it worked much better for me than others (morgan, wayne/gawain) but like where was merlin??? could have done with a bit more allusion to like The Past and The Myth and The Cycle but eh

anne enright, the gathering: can't think of like a better marriage of audiobook and narrator than fiona shaw's performance of this tbh - just pitch perfectly sharp and wounded. families!

michael mann & meg gardiner, heat 2: lol i had a blast with this. like the michael mann bro equivalent of an extremely purple romance novel i guess? audiobook again and the narrator does a fantastic pacino

just a note that i'm taking a bit of a step back from social media stuff for the time being due to continued bad brain/feelings about fandom/writing/self etc and also in a concerted effort to spend a lot less time staring directly into the portal. love you pals 💕

#monthly media #sophposting

[zacksfairest]

Top 5 favorite books of 2023 and 5 least favorite books, go!

Oh boy! I was so very kind to myself this year and read mostly bangers. Let's see what we've got.

The Dragon Republic by R.F. Kuang. Now, I love the entire Poppy War trilogy, make no mistake about that. It completely rewired my brain and has firmly taken up the spot of Favorite Series Ever. But The Dragon Republic specifically was just It for me. It gave me everything. A well thought out and executed campaign of war, not sparing us the grizzly details (civilian casualties, civilian displacement, the logistics of moving a large army, how ACTUAL BATTLES work), as well as WAR CRIMES. But in addition to that, I was given Rin and Nezha. The epitome of Show Not Tell where it comes to developing feelings. Hateful schoolmates turned comrades in arms turned almost lovers turned mortal enemies. A tragedy that serves as a mere backdrop to the larger tragedy happening in the country at large due to a lingering invading force and a newly sparked civil war. This was easily my favorite book of the year, and I have been chasing the high from reading it ever since. Outbound Flight by Timothy Zahn. Yeah, I've owned this book since 2006 and never read it. What about it? I am well aware that was a major blunder on my part. Perhaps had I read it sooner, I would have been able to hop on the Thrawn train much sooner than 30 years late. This book truly had me sucked in right from the start. Young soldier Thrawn? Dedicated to his troops and his people? Willing to do anything to keep his people safe from the dangers that lurk in the infinite abyss if the universe? Swoon worthy. And also watching Maris be all heart eyes over Thrawn was a big Same Girl moment. Mr. Zahn knew what he was doing to us all along. Yet another book that understands how battles work! And with characters at the helm that are actual good tacticians and understand how battles work also. Dark Force Rising by Timothy Zahn. Yes. Another Thrawn book. Shut up. I loved the entirety of the (original) Thrawn trilogy, but this one really stood out. Leia was allowed to do her thing and be a force to be reckoned with in her own right. Also it felt good seeing a pregnant woman not be sidelined just because she was pregnant. Leia Organa-Solo does not stop and will not be stopped. This was yet another book that understood war and tactics, as well as the espionage that goes into ensuring proper battle plans can be laid out. I owe Zahn my life for being so consistent with this content, as I am a drowning lass in a sea of books that do not fucking understand how this shit works. Also, Thrawn won this round, which felt good. Felt organic. Hell Bent by Leigh Bardugo. AH, YES. The book that proved I was right to put my faith in Bardugo and her plans for Ninth House. We got hot demons! We got fucked up journeys to hell! We got vampires! We got it all here, folks! I'm still super hoping that we get to see someone fuck Darlington by the third book. I want to see that demon dick in action. I hope it's fucked up. The Stolen Heir by Holly Black. This one went an entirely different route than I thought. I expected your standard YA fare: hot dude and meek girl meet, are at odds for a bit, fall in love, etc., except with fae. I should have known better. It's Holly Black, after all. Instead I got a viscious girl as my main character, a hot fae dude (Oak, baby. You're all gown up!), but they have most definitely not fallen in love by the end of this book. I got to put this on my Problematic Villain Love Interests shelf on goodreads! And not even for the reason I usually do! I still think about that final line: "I can't pretend that I don't like the sound of him screaming my name."

As for our bottom five... well. It's a bottom three. Like I said, I was kind to myself this year (also I read a lot of manga. Don't look at me.)

The Resistance Girl by Jina Bacarr. We don't talk about this one. I technically started reading it at the end of 2022, but I didn't finish it until we were decently into 2023. So it counts. It was awful. Terrible. An affront to the written word. And not for the reasons that everyone was up in arms about it. Writing was terrible. Characters were awful and indistinguishable from each other. Plot was bad. Dialogue was the worst slop I've ever laid eyes on. Descriptions not much better. It was just awful. A Curse for True Love by Stephanie Garber. This one was a spirit breaker. The Ballad of Neverafter was so goddamned good. The ending specifically was spectacular and left us off on a wonderfully torturous cliffhanger. I was so excited for what the final book had in store. However, I was so caught up in the euphoria of having a delightful fucked up immortal love interest in Jacks, that I forgot that Garber is Not Great at ending her series. The book overall really wasn't fantastic (a tragedy), but there was a Specific Line toward the end that fucking just. Ruined the entire book for me. Lowkey ruined the whole series, but I fight hard to prevent that from being the case. I loved the first two books so much. I refuse to let terrible storytelling and copouts and a single retcon ruin it for me. Final Fantasy VII Remake: Traces of Two Pasts by Kazushige Nojima. This one was really just a big letdown. It was just a meandering tale of Tifa and Aerith's childhoods. We somehow just completely skipped over how traumatic their respective experiences were at the hands of Shinra. We instead decided to give me boring as fuck stories about their everyday lives. Like. I get it. This is really just a money grab and a way to generate hype for FFVII: Rebirth. But still. Have some pride in your work, Square! Have pride in your characters! Let the writers have fun! I still stand by the idea that the translator might have had a bit to do with why I didn't enjoy it, though. The Kids Are Alright remains one of my favorite books, and the writing for that was fantastic. It was written by the same guy who wrote this book! And it had, what I would say is, the best english translation for a Japanese novel I've ever read. But the translator who worked on the FFXV novel The Dawn of the Future also worked on this Tifa and Aerith centric novel, and I wasn't a giant fan of the writing in the FFXV book either. So while the translator probably played a part in how much this book disappointed me, I don't think much could have saved the meandering plot and redundant experiences contained within.

#soartfullydone #answered #god i did not read anywhere near as many books as i should have lmao

[boxwinebaddie]

cfpom fight tier list GO!

HELP SDHLKSKHS BESTIE!!!! this made me laugh so much more than it should have oh my gooooood ( also the fact that y'all are also calling stan gang the cfpom like i do in pep is so cute to me i love u )

but ohhhhhh yes...this is my moment. i'm so ready, my friend. *cracks knuckles* i was born ready.

s

ok kenny is s tier obviously. like he has been swinging in these streets since he was six. like yeah...he's kind of malnourished, keeps fkn dying/coming back and isn't that bulky, but he has that survivor's strength, i would not fucks with kenny!!! he is STRONG! also he riles people up and gets into fights for fun. i feel like a kid was like "haha mccormick hows it feel to be poor and have no money" and kenny just punches him dead in the face and is like "idk how does it feel to be ugly and have a broken nose" sihdladl !!!!! king! he will leave u lying bloody in the street and go fuck ur mom ur dad and ur sister

a

ok i guess kyle is a...but he totally could be s. like if it's specifically involving cartman ( like half of kyles fights ) regards protecting the honor of sweet stanley marsh ( the other half of kyles fights ) or is rage boosted for some reason kyle is s. i feel like the only reason he would be a is he might need his inhaler and can't run that fast. BUT HE CAN PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY DESTROY YOU! the emotional devastation part is so powerful omg. ALSO HES GIGANTIC HOLY SHIT THAT ALONE IS TERRIFYING.

like 100% drunk kenny and rage boosted kyle as a team are both s. if i could pick the entire us army or k2 i would choose k2. like kenny will put you in the regular hospital and kyle will put u in the psychiatric hospital oof like....if i saw kenny and kyle and i didnt know how to run...ID LEARN HOW TO RUN REALLY FAST HELP

b-c

ok hear me out here me out....marjorine is b or c. like i know she is a sweet sugar pea but she is like 5'11. i think she sports a lot of 'ladies dont start fights -- but they do end them" :) <3

like lives on the side of pacifism most of the time but...if u randomly grab her ass i know she is knocking ur ass out with her purse. if u say something rude to her or her friends ur getting cracked so hard across the face ull need ur jaw rewired...like omg if someone said something to kenny i just knoooo hed be like marj just let it go its cool and shes like Kenneth Hold My Earrings :) absolutely DECIMATED! i swear she put that little rat man on her back and has never looked back

d

cartman is d....i guess. i hate you fartman. like he definitely built to be able to deliver and withstand blows like he is a fucking unit. but hes such a big spoiled baby. all bark no bite. he would definetely get his shit rocked in a fight. like he could get poked once and he'd start crying and running home to mommy ( me too...hey miss liane ;) ) but...but...unfortunately he is a better option in a fight then...

f

stan. god bless him. my sugar sweet pacifist crunchy granola boy angel. that entire exchange in chapter four where tolkien tells stan to hit him and he...literally cant. like it goes against everything he stands for. he is a nonviolence king, he cant hurt people im so!! AAAAA

also that part where when he tries to work up the nerve to punch tolkien he forms his fist wrong and puts his thumb inside so if he were to punch it would totally break his thumb upon impact...thats how little baby boy is fighting. the only things he's fighting are his demons, bisexuality and thinking unclean thoughts abt his bestie.

on the bright side...the entire cfpom would ride and die for stan and roll up on any motherfucker that fucked with stanley marsh. even cartman i feel like hes gotta rep the crew, u know? but like specifically kyle if you said something that hurt stans feelings OOOOOOOOOOOOOOF I WOULD START RUNNING BITCH! TELL UR MOM U LOVE HER BC IT WILL B THE LAST TIME!!!

it could be over stupid shit too bc stan is a cry baby like some diner employee just tells stan theres a stain on his shirt to be helpful and stans like :( this guy told me there was a stain on my shirt :( im so embarrassed :( i should go home i feel stupid n ugly and kyle stands on the booth like ALRIGHT COCKSUCKERS WHO TOLD STAN THERE WAS A STAIN ON HIS SHIRT HES FUCKING CRYING YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS BEFORE I SET THIS WHOLE PLACE ON FIRE and stan is like no no no kyle its fine he was just being nice and hes like HE CAN BE NICE IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM

tadaaaaa~ this is it...this is the right answer. this ask was so real thank u oh my god haha

-uncle nina

#this was so funny pls #out of pocket #i love talking abt the whole squad they are so funny #but yeah kenny s #kyle a #but drunk bar fight kenny and rage boosted probably stan related kyle as a duo are s and are HORRIFYING #b-c marj bc shes all af #d fartman i hate u cry to mommy #f stan...sorry pacifist king jus say behind kyle pookie he'll protect u #he can kill em with kindness tho and is really charming so that helps #cfpom

[thessalian]

Thess vs A CrapSack World

So basically the world is really, really fucked up right now. I can bullet-point a lot of it, or at least I can try.

GENOCIDE BAD, OKAY?

And across the pond from me... Not seeing nearly enough about the fact that "old white dude quietly trying to get shit done as leader of his country but also maintaining the status quo on genocide" is still better than "old orange-ish dude who will destroy your fucking country and exacerbate the genocide if you let him get in again"

Apparently standing up and shouting "GENOCIDE BAD" is enough to panic people in this country so hard that folks are spinning fantasies about some Israeli Deep State controlling all of us (yes, actual government officials are saying this shit, and not even really getting condemned for it - look up Lee Anderson sometime) and start hinting at new anti-protest legislation (as if we didn't have enough of that) because "mob rule is replacing democratic rule". Says the man who nobody voted for.

Everything is way too expensive. And is only getting more and more expensive as time goes on - especially here, since we're having the worst effects of Brexit hitting us in stages and we're just about at the worst of it now.

The wealthy are blaming us for not wanting to work too hard for too little money, and for not buying enough to keep industries running, and generally fucking over everybody to keep their profit margins going ever-upwards. I can almost see the upcoming destruction of the bubble, but apparently we're going to go into "dynamic pricing" first, to make us pay more even for essentials depending on some AI's idea of when they can fleece us the most. Basically I'm tired of being a money-stuffed pinata to be beaten on by our corporate overlords until cash comes out.

On a personal note, I just had to register for postal voting and have no the fuck idea who I should be voting for because for fuck's sake, they're all as bad as each other at that point. I could probably focus on my constituency, but this is such a safe Labour seat that it barely even matters. Still, I'm not going to hike up a fucking hill to exercise my democratic rights, even if I don't know if there's anyone I can actually in all good conscience vote for.

Further personal note: just about every fucking part of the government seems to hate trans people. They all seem to be making the statement about "I know what a man is and I know what a woman is and there is no confusion about that", with the underlying suggestion of "man = penis, woman = vulva", which ... dear gods. We've got people asking, "Were the two kids who murdered a trans pupil really evil?" like, "Yeah, they fucking killed somebody, but ... well, it was only one of those..."

Final personal note: I am still so fucking tired of being disabled. I want to go out to the yarn store in my area, because ... y'know, good yarn, learning to crochet, yadda. Plus some other errands - I need gluten-free pasta, which they ran out of for my big monthly grocery order, and some other stuff. But I'm having to plan this entire trip in the most strategic way you can imagine because ... well, pain. I am so tired of having pain.

So there's all of ... y'know. This. And sometimes I don't know how I don't just despair myself into the ground. Because I can't do anything about most of this. Hell, I can't do anything about any of this. It just sits there, being shitty.

However. I had a really helpful therapist once, after I had my really major breakdown, and she said that the whole thing where I was grabbing at anything that might have the remotest chance of making me even briefly happy was a good instinct, and I just had to learn to do it more consciously. So. As small and shallow as some of these things are, here are my things right now:

I have the most awesome friends.

On the subject of friends, I have D&D nights.

I have pretty decent parentals, all told.

I have a new-old book (an old favourite I haven't read in a long time, and picked up for my Kindle recently)

I have a week off work, so I can recover a bit from the ow.

I have the first game I've pre-ordered since Dredge, which will be available in just over two weeks.

I have a trip to the yarn store ... and the yarn store has a shop cat.

That'll do for the time being. It may not seem like much, but it's a good bulwark between me and despair. I remember enough about my really major breakdown to know I really need those.

#Thess vs the world in general

[floralovebot]

Any criticism of the fanon versions of the Trix?

Yes actually! I feel like their fanon versions aren't as bad but it's definitely there.

Imo, the worst one is Stormy as it's often racist as fuck. I get that it's very easy to assume she's black or mixed because of her hair and that she is canonically a very chaotic witch, but the fanon version goes overboard and erases literally every other part of her personality. People make it seem like her entire personality is just being the Angry One who can't control herself. And that specific fanon version is more often seen with the redesigns of her being explicitly black (and usually with much darker skin).

In canon, Stormy does get annoyed and mad pretty quickly, but she can control herself and her magic. She also has tons of moments where she's calm, teasing the others, making jokes, having fun and laughing, etc. I just really hate seeing those Oh She's So Angry Hates Everyone And That's All headcanons cause like? No? She's a (fairly) normal teenage girl who also likes to cause problems on purpose. And her being more open with her emotions than the others doesn't mean that she can't control them or that she's Always Angry.

Darcy's fanon version tends to be a bit nicer but I think that's often because people think she's hot and they want to see her in control. Fanon!Darcy is very "always suave hot girl always calm never shows emotion stronger than icy etcetc". It tends to exaggerate her better qualities instead and gets rid of things like her quick to annoyance attitude or her occasional Very Emotional When Things Go Wrong side. People tend to project on Darcy a lot more than the others so her fanon version is a lot nicer and a little more in tune with canon. It just cherry picks her personality really badly. (I've noticed people also think she's the Good trix just because she fell in love with Riven and felt bad for him which,,,)

I feel like Icy tends to get understood a lot more since she is the Main Trix and Bloom's counterpart so we see more of her and her internal dialogue which really helps. But she does still have a fanon version! Fanon!Icy typically goes in one of two ways: she's either the Super Cool (heheh) Witch who doesn't care about Bloom at all and would immediately drop her sisters and she's just so unemotional and uncaring and yaddayadda. Or she's the extremely emotional, cares so much, cries every day, Bloom always gets under her skin no matter what, thinks about Bloom all day every day, would kill herself for her sisters, can't control her powers, etc.

Like... usually Fanon Versions of characters tend to highlight and exaggerate specific qualities that the fandom likes and disregard everything else, especially if it "goes against" that fanon. So for the trix specifically, Stormy always gets the Angry And Wild trope, Darcy gets the Mature Hot Girl trope, and Icy gets one of those two depending on which aspects of her people are focusing on.

#unsurprisingly i hate the stormy one the most #:( #like canon stormy is SO cute and people just completely ignore that and for what?? #to be racist?? #not surprising from this fandom but also CMON #the amount of times ive seen stormy compared to a wild animal... #y'all really have no critical thinking skills at all #canon stormy is just a lot more open about her emotions - like she doesn't hide them as much as icy and darcy do #so compared to them yeah she can look more emotional and quick to anger #but people forget that ALL of them are like that #darcy and icy literally throw tantrums every now and then #it just... ough..... #like the fanon darcy and icy versions are literally flattering for them #and then people looked at the girl with type 4 hair and immediately went 'yeah she's like a wild animal' #girl... #answered

[jrhostile]

Odd pet peeve of mine, but i’ve been on tiktok recently (I know, terrifying) and i’ve been seeing a lot of jily videos, nothing wrong with that. I like the video and think about the trope they use, as a jegulus enjoyer because it’s still cute even if I don’t ship it, but then I’ll go into the comments and see hundreds of people saying “I have nothing against jegulus it’s just that jily is better.” Or “It just makes me uncomfortable when people ship it”

okay? So what? This is literally a jily video, it has nothing to do with jegulus. Feel free to make a whole video of your own shitting on jegulus, I don’t care, you produce the media you want more of, that’s none of my business. It’s just the fact that you are making something that is for your cause an excuse to go against something else just kinda irks me.

especially because they are practically the same thing. Think about it, James has an obsessive crush on someone, they hate him, he realises he’s being weird and changes himself, the other person goes on some self finding journey and falls in love with him, boom crash bang.

It’s just so stupid to me. Most queer woman like jily because that’s what they relate and are attracted to. Most queer men like like jegulus because that’s what they relate and are attracted to. It’s so interchangeable I just don’t get how anyone can like one and hate the other without either being really misogynistic or really homophobic.

“I don’t like it when they just treat Lily as a surrogate, it’s really dehumanising and sexist.” is another argument I see. My only reply is; yep.

I don’t like it either. I agree that it’s a kinda fucked thing to do considering how important she is to the entire fandom, but not many jegulus shippers actually do that. Out of most fanfics I’ve read and media i’ve absorbed I can tell you that it doesn’t usually happen. Plus the ones that do follow that formula for their writing are usually not very good, or will have a side fic where Lily is treated better to make up for it because it’s so obviously fucked etc.

Its making discourse for the sake of discourse which is just ballsack in my opinion. I’ve been on tiktok since before it was tiktok and was on “marauderstok” when it first became a thing, I’ve seen it all from the sirius discourse, to the moonwater discourse, and every single time it’s just so idiotic. Considering everything in this fandom is made up, none of it is canon, It just seems like a waste of time to get upset over such trivial things.

#this was extremely rushed #jegulus #marauders #james potter #harry potter #regulus black #wolfstar #marauders era #remus lupin #sirius black #regulus deserved better #jily #lily evans

[visions-indestructible-head]

okay ive decided that ive seen all the good posts (and some really bad takes lmao), so here's my 2 cents.

no spoilers:

the first 30ish minutes of this movie are disappointing. the only good thing that happens is meeting America

everything after that gets better and scarier and more violent

please don't take your kids to see this movie and if you do, be prepared for the nightmares

im serious, they pull very little punches this time and shit gets dark fast

this is also one of the best marvel movies imo and probably my second favourite thing they've ever produced after WandaVision (im biased bc i love Wanda but still)

this movie has some really innovative and fun scenes on top of a lot very well executed horror elements. the cinematography is gorgeous in the later acts. sadly the dialogue is often meh at best and some lines are downright cringe worthy, but the script makes up for it with a handful of pretty funny jokes at the right moments

spoilers under the cut

had a similar issue with nwh where they straight up stole the train scene from into the spiderverse, this time they just copied the demon they fight first from the Suicide Squad Film? huge one-eyed, multi-armed monster? poke its eye out with a spear? literally, it's the fucking same

America more than made up for it though, idk bout you guys but i thought she was a delight and was in love from the first second we saw her. i would die for her + her lil pride pin!! also her jacket said love is love

not much to say for the next 30 minutes tbh, they were mediocre at best and just terrible at worst. like, Wanda goes up against the full force of the sorcerers and all they do is block her and try shoot her with a cannon? marvel disease at its finest, how can make this fight that's wholly reliant on magic work like shooting guns and missiles???

i really liked this movie i swear im getting to the praise in a minute

the scene where Strange traps Wanda in that lil mirror dimension prison and the glass shatters and gets all spikey and you hear her breathing get ragged until she forced herself to calm down and reaches out to touch that one surface? yeah man that was the moment.

wanda crawling out of that gong really set the tone for the rest of this movie in hindsight

Wong was having the shittiest time out of everyone and i think he deserves a vacation and a massage

ill be honest i though the way Strange and America bonded while tripping dimensions was cute and all but not the strongest scenes? it was fine though

who was that lady who destroyed the darkhold? i was deadass more invested in her and Wong than Strange and Christine.

when Wong was telling Wanda about the original spells carved into walls i was hyping myself up to be let down but then he actually said "Mt. Wundagore" and i nearly screamed bc!! it made it into the mcu!!

now for the thing that blew this shit out the water and into my top 2 out of all the marvel stuff: meeting the 813 Illuminati

the Christine reveal ?? chef's kiss

WANDA. FUCKING. MAXIMOFF

i loved how she took control of her 838 self

never in my wildest dreams would i have imagined they actually pull through on this. Wanda not just being an actual villain but being terrifying and ruthless and deadly. "what mouth?" was the most chilling line in the entire movie and unlike many others it hit. hard.

that whole sequence is living rent free in my head. give me a "Wanda kills the Marvel Universe" movie, I'd watch the fuck out of that

they really said "men ain't shit" in that scene too, huh

Peggy's death was kinda hard to watch but also so, so awesome

Wanda limping into the room bloody and barefoot added 15 years to my life, i have never been so attracted to her ever and i have loved her since age of ultron

many thoughts on Charles Xavier that would get me anon hate but let's suffice it to say i loved that scene where she snaps his neck

the entire scene of the trio running from Wanda was peak horror film and i loved every second

okay this getting really long so here just my favourite parts from the rest of the movie:

that shot where Stephen walks up the stairs to meet the other Stephen. cinematography on point, legit the most beautiful shot i can remember from marvel ever

the Strange on Strange fight. most creative and innovative thing Marvel's done in a while, maybe ever. really liked seeing that

America going "I can't beat you. So I'll give you what you want." and Stephen then telling her "not yet" when she wants to pull Wanda out of that reality again. i can't really explain why but i really liked that ending

the third eye popping up scene was v alien-esque, nicely done

yeah so far so good. let me know what you thought, what you liked about this movie preferably, if my criticisms are invalid or just whatever you feel like as long as it's nice. have a good night

#multiverse of madness #mom spoilers #doctor strange multiverse of madness #wanda maximoff #stephen strange #america chavez #oh also i dont think she died #i dont think you can really kill her at this point yknow? she'll likely stay gone for the next few years #but when the young Avengers form fr she'll be back #not anywhere near as prominently as in this one i thinj #but wanda will show up again