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fearowkenya · 5 months

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Winds of Change -

Chapter 2: The Perfect Storm

Shuuji hangs there, breathless in its grip, and everything fades away until there’s nothing left but what he can see in that wild pair crimson eyes, swirling with anger, anguish, and above all else—fear. Maybe he’s too afraid to string together an apology, or maybe it’s that he knows there’s no use in offering one. Either way, what a fitting end, for a pair of monsters to destroy one another. But there’s always a critic, and today it’s Ryo.

Shuuji makes it out of the fight in the waterway alive, but somehow, it still goes horribly, horribly wrong.

AO3 link in source, and, as always, extended author's notes under the cut! (:

whoops! the chapter is late. I thought I'd have time to post it before my dads wedding yesterday, but wouldnt you know it, there wasnt quite enough time to get everything formatted properly without rushing thru it. I was super tired after the wedding and tried my best to at least do my first proofreading before bed, but i kept dozing off. so here I am. better late then never!

this chapter was an absolute blast to write! i figured that one good way to really justify the groups collective paranoia was to let wendimon get VERY close to accomplishing a total party wipe. the mood I was going for was something similar to the hopelessness of trying to take down plutomon or boltboutamon - no matter how many megas get thrown at them, it never seems like enough. that's why I made wendimon a fair bit stronger than what's typical of a champion level digimon.

as I said in my author's notes on ao3, I think this kind of situation would definitely justify falcomons behavior too, both while hes actively arguing with minoru, as well as the time he spends refusing to return to the group even after minoru apologizes. falcomon has his insecurities like the rest of them, but hes always seemed to me like the one who is the most self-assured in who he is and what he cares about.

that's not to say that the others arent, but in terms of his understanding of the world and of himself, I find that falcomon is the one whose identity has the strongest foundation, and I think watching something like this happen to arguably the most gentle member of their group shakes that foundation to its core.

even when the professor explains that this only happened because of a partner bond sustained severe damage, i think it would do very little to ease falcomon's worries - it's hard to tell just how messed up minoru's self-image is under the big smiley front he puts up to hide his insecurities, and falcomon KNOWS that. but that's beyond the scope of what I'm exploring in this fic lol. it might be something I circle back to later on though! minoru is the character I find most interesting on my second run of truthful; there are SO many subtleties about him that i absolutely did not notice the first time around.

anyway, the waterway. hoo boy, the waterway. choreographing the waterway fight was probably the hardest part of writing this chapter. when I first drafted it, i was very confident in the image I had in my head of the waterway battlefield, but when I went to check screenshots, it turned out that I had it all wrong! so I had to rework the whole damn thing! which was really hard, because the biggest challenge was keeping track of where every single character was placed on the field!

the goal was to spread characters out so that they weren't all bunched together, but still located conveniently enough such that I could pull them into the fight with wendimon when necessary. in order to do this, i drew a big stupid diagram on actual physical paper made one big (temporary) change to the waterway battlefield which i doubt anybody noticed unless you, like me, are unhinged enough to study the structure of the in-game locations down to the smallest details.

in the game, a little behind the place on the map where you set your units, theres a gap on the left that usually has a treasure chest on the other side, one that you have to send a flying unit to retrieve unless you want to go alllllllllllll the way around. I needed to be able to get takuma, minoru, miu, and kaito over there so that arukenimon could be all menacing on the top of the stairs, but i couldnt figure out how to make it work without having to make them go past wendimon on the central path and around megaseadramon on the top left platform. so what I did is... close that gap.

but closing the gap created the problem where the kids could easily use that path to regroup with Shuuji and the others. which was inconvenient when i needed them to stay split up. so you can imagine how clever I felt when I had megaseadramon cut them off by destroying the stairs and putting the gap right back , which is what I meant when I said the change I made to the battlefield was temporary lmao

speaking of megaseadramon, when i was first writing this chapter, i was very overwhelmed at the idea of having to simultaneously balance the fight against wendimon with the fight against megaseadramon. splitting the party seemed like the obvious choice, but it felt very anticlimactic to be like "oh yeah here comes the other half of the group to the rescue, they kicked megaseadramon's ass off-camera lol"

by that same token, I didnt want to put TOO much focus on megaseadramon and detract from wendimon. so once again I felt like a genius when I realized that the solution was simply to have wendimon not only deal with megaseadramon, but raise the stakes and tension by demonstrating that it is on a completely other level compared to the other champion stage digimon. (in poor megaseadramon's defense, it was not at all expecting to be attacked by wendimon, and was likely at least a little worn-down by shellmon, sangloupmon, greymon, and diatrymon. I think it would have fared much better against wendimon in a clean one-on-one match.)

as for wendimons defeat, well... no matter how much I amp up its strength, I felt that taking a point-blank giga destroyer would probably do the trick. AND give us some truly horrific imagery. I struggled a LOT with that last couple of paragraphs, and I'm still not sure if I was able to give the exact image i wanted to leave off with at the very end.

while this chapter answered a bunch of questions asked in the first one, it also raised plenty more. theres some stuff i set up here that I'm really looking forward to people catching on to (: unless they've caught on already...?? heehee (: i wonder which things will take people by surprise, and which ones they saw coming a mile away...?

on that note, id love to hear what people think of the fic so far. kudos are nice and I greatly appreciate them, but nothing launches me over the moon quite like comments. I'm so curious to know what part(s) people liked best, both about this chapter and the first, as well as any predictions people have about the stuff I'm starting to hint at as I get further into the story. i won't confirm or deny anything of course, but it will make me smile so so so big.

please look forward to chapter 3! I'll evaluate when exactly I'm posting it as the week goes on, as im currently away from home and have a bunch of busy days coming up - I'll be sitting thru a 4 hour car ride on sunday and trying to see some friends on monday before I fly home on Tuesday , so I cant say with any certainty when chapter 3 will be out other than at some point within that Sunday-Monday-Tuesday timeframe. thank you for reading, please consider leaving a comment, and until next time!

#digimon survive #digimon #shuuji kayama #kayama shuuji #ryo tominaga #tominaga ryo #lopmon

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codes · 1 year

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hello matthew!! :D this ask isnt related to the little game u made unfortunately but id like to ask for some advice from someone who probably has to read a lot for school!!

i finished reading a classic of literature recently, jane austens persuasion. having repeated myself many times today, it was a very good thought provoking book. except that i didnt really realise that until i read the introduction of the book where they discuss her techniques and how she handles the themes!! argh.. in fact while i was readin the whole thing i didnt even really know what to feel! i knew about the instances of titular persuasion but i wasnt even really sure what they were saying with nuance...

since im so troubled by my lack of sensitivity and find no help elsewhere on the interwebs, as someone who i find can parse the complex muddled text of enstars with clarity, what should i do to become a more sensitive reader! or rather how do u read matthew?

hi lab! im a lil honored that u hold me in such high regard bc honestly, i dont always feel that my literary analysis skills are up to par! though i think thats an opinion shared by many but i often end up in the same position as you and even my professors say the same thing where they have to reread books before they start to really delve into analysis. its p normal, honestly. a lot of themes in literature are largely opinionated so some people pick up patterns faster than others and sometimes two readings can conflict with one another. it happens! one reading may be more clearly supported by evidence within the text but analyzing literature usually takes a lot of practice more than anything, but sometimes going back to the basics rlly helps and focusing on which critical theory may be applicable. could you maybe analyze the text through a character? perhaps the psychoanalytic theory may help! are gender roles present within the text? maybe looking at it through a feminist critical lens may give you a good ledge to start off. theres also formalism, post-colonialist, Marxist theory, eco-criticism, etc... the world is your oyster and having trouble with analyzing a text is normal! we're not all-knowing and sometimes it helps to look at what other people have to say will help you most of all.

also i asked my friend @cupidneos who is insanely smart for her advice since i bet that she would have something to say (also shes also a jane austen fan) and this is what she said:

i do wanna say that you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself since Persuasion is easily one of her hardest texts to really extend and make sense of so it’s no fault of your own … literature that uses free indirect discourse to hint towards our knowledge of character tends to be harder to understand bc of how limited that info can be! that being said, not being able to place our finger on something until it’s highlighted is completely okay! that’s what the introduction is there for; to help you out. there’s no set list of criteria to being a “more sensitive reader” since the phenomenon of reading itself is so mercurial. with practice i’m so certain that u will get a better sense of where to look for those literary themes. and don’t sell urself short in doing so either! if u find a passage important, pursue it!!! doesn’t matter what everyone else says abt it hehe

#ask #lab #i hope that helps lab!!!

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crowtechs · 10 months

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hey. uh, sorry about this post... i dont mean to like post vents a lot recently, but things just been so difficult and hard for me to even talk about and then i get so scared that im going to be judged or hated... its been a lot. so. im sorry in advance.

this post is very long btw

hi, not sure where to really begin with this but i guess its better to just say it and let it be said then not i suppose...

summer is usually the worst season for me in general, i hate summer anyway so no surprise. so im sorry for not being up to par on being happy-go-lucky or whatever, i try to do things to help myself and be like ok, i can handle it. i can take that for a while. but theres only so much i can take before its overbearing to a point it wont quit.

im not good at explaining myself so ill try to keep this as concise as possible.

i suffer way too much from social isolation and sure, i try to talk to people and i try so *so* hard to like throw myself out there, but its difficult and im scared on messing up and making a huge fool of myself. its gotten progressively worse and mentioning it to someone only added to the feeling of feeling like a complete chore to even interact with . . .

im like the most socially anxious person you could ever meet but i would do absolutely anything to socialize with others and be friends with people if it wasnt for the multiple negative experiences ive had during my life.

this goes hand in hand with the fact i want to talk about my own things, but fear of being judged and hated upon heavily affects me. theres a lot of things i want to share on this blog, but i cant out of fear of talking way too much or its just unnecessary information or its not what everyone was here to see i guess . . . which is stupid, i know.

i am not good at like expressing myself or my interests at all, but i get so excited upon talking about them and then in return the excitement is unrequited (majority of the time), sometimes it is and im so *so* utterly grateful for that because it means the absolute world to me.

tldr because im talking a lot: social isolation is a bitch and it has affected me my entire life to a point of feeling chronic loneliness, i want to talk about my interests with excitement but i have a lot of fear upon doing so. i just want to enjoy myself and not feel like a chore on a daily

to add: this isnt on selfship almost at all, i feel like i can actively talk about it and enjoy it a lot, i just have so much fear of being weird or odd and what ive stated earlier does not help

again, sorry for the long post and sorry for constantly venting lately. my brain feels like its in a constant fog and ive stared up at the ceiling like multiple times today

hopefully things will get better ... hopefully

#going to try to not immediately discard this post #because this has been eating me up to a point that its hard to function properly as of late #again thank you for ones who say sweet things or offer support you are so special to me and mean the absolute world <3 #+ i need to just say things to say them because if i dont theyd eat at me even further and idk how much longer that would take lol #anyway sorry (again) on this long post #kaden txts

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sanzulicious · 2 years

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My first post i hope you like it!

•Warnings•

This story contains

Smut,angst,comfort,cursing

Ill be using bonten sanzu for this ;)

I dont own these characters they are owned by ken wakui.

It was indeed a beautiful day in tokyo Were the city full of people walking. Y/n a girl who works at a cafe with 3 other people your the cashier taking orders while the others prepare.

“Hello there what can i get you today?” You say to them.

“Frappe please!” They said.

“Sure thing” you say while putting it in.

“It will be right out” you say.

“Y/n are you busy tonight? Your coworker erika asks.

“Huh oh Well ive been wanting to watch this show for the longest thats what i have planned for tonight why?” you say.

“Really how boring y/n dont you ever have a club to go in mind? its a friday night. Have you even been to a club y/n?” Erika says with a scoff.

“First off its not boring they said its acutally a good show besides..i rather do that than go to a club and get hit on by gross thirsty men.” You said.

“Well they hit on you because your hot, besides i never seen you with a guy before are you a lesbian by chance?” Erika asks with a hand over her mouth.

“Shut up erika im not gay. And if i was you’d see me with someone im just not in the mood to date anyone at the momment.”

Thats right you werent you will get hit on at a store or anywhere you were at you were indeed hot like erika said but you never gave any guy a chance last time you had boyfriend was back in highschool 11th grade. His name was ryota but eventually you guys broke up since then you havent seen him. You were working to save up money to move out of japan and go to the usa since you have family there and your cousins.

“Let her be erika if she doesnt wanna go its fine let her be boring.” Your other coworker kai said with a wink.

“Ha-ha very funny and stop saying boring im not boring okay i have fun with myself okay..” you say crossing your arms.

“Ouu What kind of fun with youself” kai says with a wink again.

“masterbate” erika says with a whisper.

“HAHAHA” both kai and erika laugh.

“FUCK YOU GUYS im done with you two” you say.

Kai and erika were your coworkers well also friends. You met them at the cafe you were new and eventually yall became friends they would always joke around they are heavy jokesters sometimes they go to far. Like rightnow. They were different than you, you weren’t exactly the going out type you were more into staying home and companied with your dog prince. You make plans of what you were gonna do in the usa once you saved up money but you still had long way to go but to you there wasnt a problem with planning early. And you weren’t exactly a drinker either, you would only drink to a limit your still sober in your own house.

“Oi everyone has needs girl its okay* *wink* kai says.

You roll your eyes with a smirk.

“YO so anyways come to a club with us y/n out of all the times we invited you, you cant skip this one girl it is turned up” erika says.

“Oh yeah its in Roppongi girl you cant miss this one we wont take no for an answer.” Kai said.

“In Roppongi?” You say.

“Yeah they say the club is owned by these two brothers but this one is gonna be different its gonna be under the name kokonoi whos hosting something there supposedly theres gonna be a game and they’re gonna bet money and whoever wins gets 100k” Erika says cheerfully.

“Well im for sure gonna join the game, you should to y/n i mean you might win since you are saving up money to leave us you whore.. this is an opportunity for you, you should go for it.” Kai says.

Im not “leaving” you guys there is something called facetime and i can come visit sometimes. And also there’s no way in hell ill win but i do need money so 50/50 chance. For that ill take a risk. But i hate partys, but..fuck it i need money.” You say with a sigh.

“Thats the spirit!” Erika says with a smile.

“*sigh* so you said its tonight right? Well what time are you guys picking me up im not taking my car so you better give me ride erika if you want me to go.” You say.

“I knew your cheap ass was gonna say that and ill pick you up at 11pm.” Erika says pinching your cheek.

“We barely have costumers today this place looks like desert dry as hell.” Kai says.

“Well yeah we barely had 6 customers today.. what do you think sumiko?” Erika asks the other coworker.

“Hehe yeah i think this place might need an upgrade?.” The girl says.

“Hell yeah” erika says.

“Haha” you laugh.

*8:00pm*

Later that day you closed the cafe heading home. Once you made it home you threw your keys on the counter and went to your room and landed on the bed *sigh* “im tired i dont even wanna go but what can i do if i need the money theres a chance i might win i might be lucky right prince hehe.” You say to you dog laying beside you. You dog tilt his head to the side. You grabed your phone from your pocket and checked the time just “2hrs 1/2 left before she picks me up” you say. You got up and went to you closet to see what dress youll wear tonight.

“Hmm no not this one”.. “bleh”.. “o-ohh this one looks good havent wore this one yet” you grabbed a pretty black dress. “Ill wear this one i guess with these black heels”. You say.

2hrs 1/2 passed by you were ready and you were waiting for erika. While you were waiting you felt pretty nervous to go well nervous about the game maybe its gonna be hard to win who knows you kept overthinking. *HONK* “Y/N im outside you whore.” You heard erika yelling outside. You look out the window you grabbed your keys and phone and said goodbye to your dog prince.

“Are you fucking kidding me erika my neighbors heard you your being to loud they are asleep at this hour” you say.

“Yeah yeah” WOOOO!*HONK**HONK* erika speeds off.

“Your so fucking childish erika” kai say.

“HEY IM HERE TO HAVE FUN ALRIGHT!” Erika shouts.

“Yeah but dont be loud and can you slow down before we get a ticket.” You say.

“You guys SUCK” erika says.

“Haha” kai laughs.

*End of chapter 1*

I know its short ill make the other one longer.

I hope you like this chapter thank you for reading.!

•Heres the outfit you chose•

#tokyorevengers #sanzu haruchiyo #bonten #my story

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montyxtrike · 11 months

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as i mentioned in a post before i think, i have a friend who has some struggles with eating and body image and stuff. and i think i accidentally triggered her today, i feel horrible. i shouldve known it would trigger her too, im not usually that stupid. as i said in the post before i love running and have been running alot lately and also especially today. i was very proud of myself earlier because i beat my record in how fast could run a kilometer, and i told her about it, and i wrote about how much i loved running, but i was just so proud of myself i wanted to tell her about it, u know? anyways, and then later when i went on my evening run i sent a video to the groupchat while running, and obviously she saw it and realised i was out running again. when she asked me if i was running again i told her yes but then i also said a few voice messages just explaining that theres nothing disorder-y going on and nothing to worry about just incase she was worried about how much i was going out running, cause i realise it might seem like im going it to loose weight or something from her perspective since she thinks alot about that stuff. but then her vibe totally changed and i asked her what i did and she said she got triggered. i dont know from what part, if it was jsut because i was running, or if it was when i explained there wasnt anything to worry about, or if it was just the whole situation all together, but she got triggered. i dont really know what to do now, i feel so bad becasue i shouldve known better, i shouldve kept it secret and just not used snapchat on my run and snapped her later when i got back home, that probably would have been a way more efficient option, but done is done. i dont know what to do since i dont really feel like i should be apologizing either. i was proud of myself and wanted to share that, and then i snapped the groupchat while running because i was in the mood for going on a run but still wanted to answer my friends, and then i tried to make sure she wouldnt worry so i explained nothing was wrong. i didnt really DO anything wrong, but i still made her feel bad, and that totally sucks because i want her to be happy becasue shes my best friend and she deserves to never feel bad, and knowing that i was the reason for it? that feels horrible, but at the same time i cant apologize for it because i didnt do anything wrong. AHH.

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bodylanda · 1 year

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Wanted to draw this but ended up tired today so ill just write it down and pray i dont forget it tmrw lol:

Sticks vs ffxiv

Keep in mind some charas may have multiple jobs!

TSC: I think they’d be a Warrior ! Its a bit of the poster job of xiv, and they have their giant hammer. Theres no hammer looking weapon in xiv but the warrior axe is close enough. (Plus inner release + equilibrium and all that). An omnicrafter who just likes to make stuff for their friends. Tl;dr: Warrior!

Red: Paladin! I really debated summoner for them, but I think seeing them in AvM 25 with a sword and shield convinced me. Plus their tendency to rush ahead + how tanking is about love (and a side of that “dont look at these other hoes look at me” post) just made me think this actually really fit them. They can still be summoner, but I think they’d also just be a minion collector haha. Tl;dr: Paladin and Summoner!

Yellow: I think they’ve started off as a Black Mage (cool explosive magic!! Planning out your positions!! Knowing the technicalities of the content!! Yay!) but eventually migrated to Scholar or Sage to be a better playmaker. Scholar definitely fits their personality and aesthetic > Astrologian (even tho that’d be cool). I kind of see Yellow as a more supportive playmaker, making opportunities for everyone else to do more y’know. Tl;dr: Scholar, Black Mage and Sage!

Blue: Machinist! I do think they started out as an archer but just ended up enjoying machinist more. I think they got to bard, saw all the crafting stuff and immediately focused on that. By the time they all had to do combat, they just picked the least complicated ranged DPS. I think they’d also be the other healer, I think white mage, closest thing to a druid in this game lol. They spend most of their time in the island sanctuary tho. Knows the second most about how free companies work compared to yellow. Tl;dr: Machinist, White Mage!

Green: Dancer! I think they started out as conjurer, basically swapped with blue and started playing bard until they could be a dancer. I debated red mage as their main job here, but i think dancer fits both the musicality that green would enjoy with the mobility that they display (iirc they use the fishing rod for mobility the most, even in combat). They do have bard tho, theyre a Limsa afk musician 😔 Tl;dr: Dancer, Red Mage and Bard!

In case it wasnt obvious i made everyone have a little to do with the 5 warriors of light in ARR (warrior, paladin, white mage, bard, black mage) ^^; but some of them dont rlly fit it.

Purple: Hello it is now later, and I think they’d be a Dragoon! The jumps kind of simulate what its like to be flying, no? I think they’d enjoy the story a lot and pays attention to the job quests. Probably has the most jobs unlocked just so they can listen in. Their favourite stories is probably Reaper and Ninja but they really only play Reaper and Dragoon. Tl;dr: Dragoon and Reaper!

King: probably didn’t initially want to play but ends up tagging along because purple wants to play. King isn’t very good at fighting a lot of the times it seems, especially at close range, so I don’t think they’d be a tank… I think they might be the actual Black Mage of this group lol. Though I can see them also picking up Astrologian so they can run around healing (read: queue popping) for Purple.

TCO: Samurai for sure lol. It lacks a lot of the like, actual powers or abilities TCO has, but all of their like. Coolness factor I think. Its also the stormblood poster job so I think it fits ahaha.

TDL: Monk! If almost purely bcs its the second poster job of stormblood. There’s also them beating TCO in a straight up brawl in AVA5 even if they were enhanced by some thing.

Victim: omnicrafter lol. Just like tsc/tsc is just like them

#text #ava #avm #just some silly fun thoughts lol

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blacklion · 7 years

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sujskahsosnsndjdjwjs

#lacey.txt #OKAY SO #ive been eyeing this one url for so long. i would literally do anything for it like its my Dream URL #and awhile ago i messaged the person out of curiosity asking if it was uft bc i was curious if they were even active #and they were!! i got a reply saying that they only were willing to trade for canon urls #i offered the closest thing i had but it wasnt good enough #now then i got kinda desprate and ask a mutual if i could have one of their urls just to offer to this person #and they- bless them- give me the url (if your reading this I Fucking Love You And Would Die For You)#now i offered it to them and since that first time i talked to the owner i havent gotten a reply #ive done everything i can think of. ive sent more than 1 friend in to try and see if they would respond to someone else #but since that night i havent heard from the owner #so i decided to just make a post on the url this mutual gave me just to see what offers i could get #and i got an offer today that im REALLY tempted to take #but still. i really want to know if theres ANY chance this url that a mutual gave to me could get me my dream url #i could change to the one this mutual gave me bc its a good if not better url than theirs #BUT FUCK. i just really want this damn url disbksndkdnwo #its so stupid but getting this url is just. its really important to me ugghugihdh #idk what to do bc i wanna accept the offer but i also want to know if i have any chance of grtting one of my dream urls #:(

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maykitz · 2 years

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Regarding that TikTok post, is there anything we can do to stop that trend? Mass reporting, getting the attention of bigger/kinder TikTok users, etc. I remember similar fads on YouTube happening and when we all banned together, a lot of the parents lost their kids.

(its a pretty long reply so im putting a readmore in there)

i honestly only remember one such case with the daddyofive channel and afaik nothing really happened in the end and they even started uploading again, just without the youngest boy they were mainly mistreating, after he started living with his biological mom instead.

so called family vlogging with extreme privacy violations of the children (filming their potty training, reading their diary, snooping in their phones to get private messages, etc.) is a massive and profitable genre, and the various "discipline" "strict parenting" "traditional respect-based training" focused offshoots all draw from that. insofar i probably didnt phrase that ideally- its not a new trend that tiktok invented just now or that usually doesnt happen. but thanks to the addition of social media its particularly harrowing that these children are knowingly trapped in a truman show from birth. we're talking millions of views on the big channels. thats an exposure and loss of privacy on a scale that wasnt even possible at any point in human history prior to ~15 years ago. if you film an adult using the toilet without their consent and upload it, both are, at least, considered crimes. if you do it to your own child, you get a youtube partnership.

and re. parents using the internet specifically as a channel of punishment via public humiliation, some time ago there was a controversy about a father who shaved his teenage daughters hair and uploaded the video where shes sobbing her eyes out as he does it. some other time it was a mother who made her kid stand at the main street with a sign shaming them for whatever they did wrong, additionally streaming it online. its unfortunately not rare at all. i just came across those today and the way they were promoting extremely cruel behaviour to other parents as something funny and holiday-themed to do for themselves (instead of "at least" a necessary evil to ""teach them manners"") was particularly messed up.

the depressing part is that you really cant do anything. i deliberately didnt post links because 1. every click benefits them and the same goes for every comment and 2. if people did start to talk shit at them in the comments, you can be pretty certain they'd take their anger out on the kids too.

the only thing that'd stop this whole business of content generating off of children, of child influencers and whatever else, is if it stopped being allowed altogether. but there's evidently no lack of viewership for it, so i highly doubt any platform would change their tos to ban it unless the law forced their hand (and even then it'd be executed poorly for sure).

in the case of 'controversial' punishment videos that heavily showcase children crying maybe reporting could get them deleted, but then what stops the parents from making a new one? and even if it were all pushed off social media, they'd still continue in private. if nothing else that'd at least fix the public aspect of it, i suppose. idk, honestly.

the core problem with all this is that children are effectively their parents' property; theres no right to privacy, autonomy for the child themselves. the parents are the ones who have the right to decide what gets posted online and how much privacy their children get to have. and also if and how theyre punished. this belief goes completely unquestioned by a whole lot of people. and as much as i wish it werent so, the alternative of cps often isnt much better either. really the only solution is to fundamentally improve the social and legal rights of children. but that ofc wont fix anything right now today ): wish i could give you a more positive answer

#answered #anon

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creacherkeeper · 3 years

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im getting a little too in my family feels today and so INSTEAD of feeling those im just going to ramble for a second about why i fucking love paladin!aelwyn because. im. just like this i guess im coping leave me alone

cw for discussions of child abuse, maladaptive coping, drugs and alcohol, self harm, destructive tendencies, basically everything we see in canon and the implications

aelwyn is ... SO interesting to me because for as much of her interiority as we see, as much of her as we think we understand, as much as i could ramble about her character for hours, we know ALMOST NOTHING about her in actuality?? (besides ... one key thing)

(this is like 2k and probably incoherent someone please stop me)

okay. listen. almost everything we see aelwyn do in s1 is maladaptive rebellion against her parents and home life. the drinking, the drugs, the partying, perhaps some of kalvaxus (though i dont think we fully understand how much of that was forced on her as well, kalina WAS watching her when she was talking to adaine about it). you can say like, oh aelwyn is a party animal, she's impulsive, she makes risky decisions, she's bitchy and rude, and its like. okay but IS SHE ACTUALLY. because under her parents thumb she had an EXTREMELY limited amount of freedom, and usually when people are suffering from very little control over their life, they WILL act destructively over the tiny bit they can, either harming themselves or their environment or people lower than them in the pecking order, because in a way, that feels like a reclamation of autonomy. saying "you have so much power over me but can you stop me from hurting myself and destroying what you havent managed to claim yet?". its just like, kind of what human brains do and frequently has little to do with a persons actual personality or impulses, its just. desperate brains trying to control SOMETHING because autonomy is a fundamental human need and when thats taken away we get. very bad off. (this is one big reason eating disorders are SO common with abused kids.) so i think a lot of the s1 aelwyn we see is like. this is a very desperate, abused teenager "acting out" in the only way it is possibly somewhat safe for her to do so because, on a psychological level, the self destruction is weirdly the only emotional tether and its either this or just dissociate all the time (something we do see she has problems with in canon)

and yes, she did treat adaine horribly in s1. she fully did. obviously what we get in canon is what happens but a moment thats interesting to me is in episode 1 where adaine has attacked aelwyn several times, who either does nothing or just bounces it back, when she says "i never cast spells at you" and siobhan immediately retcons it and says "yes you do, all the time" (i havent gone back and watched this bit so i might be wording this wrong). obviously its an improv show and the canon is built between performers as they go, but that was interesting to me. that brennan hadnt intended for her to have fought back in that way. she definitely feeds into the emotional abuse from their parents and participates in all the toxicity there, but we know in canon that she did that because of overwhelming fear and self preservation. and that her self hatred because of it just fed back into the cycle and made her feel like she wasnt good enough to even try to break free from it. this is very common in golden child/scapegoat sibling relationships where the golden child SEES what the parents are capable of and becomes a participant in the abuse out of fear for their own standing. in any way siding with the scapegoat child not only directs abuse at themselves as well, but frequently makes things WORSE for the scapegoat because the parents will take out the challenge to their power on them even more. so, if aelwyn DID ever try to defend or help adaine when they were small, she would have VERY QUICKLY learned that made things worse for everyone. and just. sectioned that part of her brain off, as she's done with so many other things. (and i dont think im reading too much into the forest scene with the abernants to say their parents were VERY QUICK to turn abuse towards aelwyn if she stepped out of line even a little. like, you dont flinch when a hand moves unless. you know. dont need to say it just something to think about. as far as we saw in canon, she had done everything they asked of her leading up to the forest, and we DONT KNOW what happened in it but we do know brennan specifically called out how in broken spirits she was when adaine was summoned, even though they did the ritual to avoid all of the nightmare bullshit)

(the house party is literally a whole separate post but i think its fair to point out that 1) she was super under the influence when that was happening which DEFINITELY is in no way an excuse for her behavior but worth remembering when trying to analyze that 2) her losing that fight did canonically have DRASTIC consequences for her and even if she didnt know exactly how that was going to turn out, i think she knew how bad it might be. and she did not know adaine or any of the bad kids were going to be there in the first place)

all that said, it feels in some ways counterproductive to say that aelwyn is an extremely devoted and protective person (yes we're getting to the paladin shit i know i've been rambling a while) but i think that thats strangely ALL WE ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT HER. because we've established that her self-destructive and abusive behavior in s1 is almost entirely psychologically scripted for her by her parents, we dont know how much of her villain shit in s1 was LITERALLY UNDER THREAT OF DEATH because we know at least killing the oracle was and we dont know how much of the rest of it was mandated by either her parents or kalina other than that she probably was under orders not to tell adaine the truth, and we know participating in all of this caused extreme self loathing in her that she refused to show to anybody and was too terrified to act on in any way

so, like. what does that actually leave us?

here's what we do know about aelwyn:

- of all the schools of magic, she went into abjuration

- the entire bbeg plan from season 1 hinged on aelwyn's complete faith that her level 1 sister was the most prodigious diviner in the world

- right after (?) the house party, she locked her memories where only adaine could find it with a note basically saying "theres so much bad blood between us but i know only you could find this"

- she desperately wanted to protect adaine and the fact that she was too afraid to do so made her hate herself (and her knowing that adaine now knows this is the turning point in their relationship)

- despite everything, even in the nmk forest, she still loved her parents

- the SECOND she is shown genuine love and affection and care from adaine, and adaine says whatever you do, i am here with you, all her actions from there forward are just about protecting adaine from their father, very nearly at the cost of her own life

- with what she probably thought were her last words (and would have been if adaine hadnt given her the tincture), all she wanted to communicate was how to help adaine and the bad kids, and how despite everything she had always believed in her

- at five levels of exhaustion, unconscious, she used her first spell slot after nine months of torture to build a shield around adaine

NOW we get to paladin!aelwyn. because, once everything is stripped away, the abuse and the control and the maladaption and the threats and the torture, EVERYTHING we ACTUALLY can glean about aelwyn's personality and inner core is that she's protective and devoted. and of course classes arent locked by personality, but that just screams paladin to me. its her WHOLE THING. adaine even says "wizards dont have heals, we dont care about other people" and of COURSE that isnt true for either of them, but? mechanically? aelwyn chose the wizard school that DID let her protect, and DID let her help, but i dont think, at this point, going forward, thats really going to be enough for her (and we could also talk about the parallels between them, how often adaine uses her portents to help other people)

i think a lot of the different reads on aelwyn come from this fundamental disconnect between her actions and displayed personality vs who she actually is and what she actually wants. and i think there are very different interpretations of what thats going to look like for her going forward. but i think, for a girl who's most hated characteristic about herself was her self preservation at the detriment of others, her perceived selfishness, and her fear ... isn't choosing to be braver and more selfless and more protective and shedding that self-preserving instinct for the betterment of others ... and MECHANICALLY being able to act on all those things ... the logical next step? i think its going to be a LONG TIME before aelwyn can love herself, but what other way is there to try? if adaine loves her, and adaine believes she can be better, isnt being better because she trusts adaine kind of a form of self love? saying, i dont believe in myself, but i believe in the person who believes in me, and maybe, in a roundabout way, thats the same thing. she was never able to TRY to be better before, because trying to improve even a little, even when people arent watching, when a harmful force has so much power over you and your actions ... like, the mental dissonance is honestly TOO much to even try, thats WAY more terrifying than letting yourself be bad, to the point where thats psychologically impossible for a lot of people. but now she actually has space and freedom and CHOICE and she CAN embrace the instincts she always had to shove down, she CAN be the person she knows her sister needed her to be

i dont know, i think theres an inherent love letter to yourself in wanting to be better and wanting to improve, even if you justify it by saying its for someone else. and now aelwyn actually CAN improve, and thats probably going to be extremely awkward and scary and there will be set backs and backslides for sure. but. i dont know. i think she wants to make up for lost time. because she never wanted the time to be lost in the first place. and if a protector is who she always wanted to be, whats stopping her from being that now?

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #aelwyn abernant #WHO LET ME WRITE ALL THIS #does this even. fucking. make sense. who knows.#THE BRAINROT THE BRAINROT THE BRAINROT

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20rubixcubes · 3 years

Photo

enhypen as baristas

maknae line x gn!reader (comedy, fluff, mild angst)

~1.2k words ea (headcanons)

warnings: cursing

a/n: i just wrote this for funsies, please be mindful that there is heavy swearing in these headcanons (particularly in ni-ki’s part), so if that isn’t your taste, perhaps skip this one! other than that, the rest of this is pretty chill, so i hope you enjoy my shitposting. oh, and lmk if you like this enough to want part two with the hyung line 👀 just maybe i’ll do it

sunoo

was only recently employed as an afternoon shift employee and was both shocked and distressed after discovering the cafe didnt have an instagram

“what do you MEAN you dont have instagram??? how do we post selfies???” “sunoo we sell coffee” “NO ONE WANTS COFFEE JUNGWON THEY WANT CUTE BARISTAS”

starts an instagram for the cafe and takes aesthetic pictures of his latte art

his selfies get way more likes though

speaking of his latte art, he masters the skill like a week in and everyone else is incredibly jealous

their jealousy wears off when jungwon tells him that he has to start training the new apprentices

pretends he forgot how to do it for like a week but it hurts his pride so he begrudgingly agrees to train the apprentices instead

in his free time he can be found snapping pictures around the shop, eventually expanding to taking pictures of the others too

“sunghoon stop moving you look cute and i need to take a photo” “sunoo im holding hot milk” “does it look like i care beauty is pain sweetie”

other than that, he sometimes sits in the booths to snack on muffins and do his homework since he only comes in to the shop for about an hour during his school lunch break and on the weekends

you meet sunoo after applying for an apprenticeship, wanting to get a job before you finish high school and start college

seen as though jungwon looks like the boss, you approach him, nervous for your first shift

“i’m here for the apprenticeship program?” “oh yeah! one second!”

he trots off to the back room, leaving you standing awkwardly in the middle of the cafe

“SUNOO GET OFF JAY YOU HAVE AN APPRENTICE TO TRAIN” “*gasp* YOU MADE ME SMUDGE HIS LIPSTICK I'M QUITTING” “NO YOURE NOT GET OUT THERE RIGHT NOW”

the yelling pauses before who you presume is sunoo stomps through the back room door, a scowl on his face

he spots you, groaning loudly “are you the apprentice?”

“yes” you say meekly, guilty for seeming to ruin his shift

he gestures you to follow him behind the counter, pulling an apron out from under the sink and shoving it to your chest

its clear that hes pissed, yanking his tools out from the cupboards as you tie your apron behind your back quietly

“have you made coffee before?” “only instant coffee” “oh fantastic”

he seems to be getting more irritated by the minute before he takes a deep breath and starts directing you around the machines

“to do the art, you angle the mug like this and draw with the milk, but it wont show until it reaches the top so dont go crazy”

as if its nothing, he demonstrates by drawing a perfect swan in the milk, setting the latte down and dusting his hands off

“wow… thats amazing” “i know right? no one here appreciates me enough” “they should! this is the best i’ve ever seen”

he grins at your compliment, nodding with satisfaction and sending a wave of relief over you as you notice he looks less angry with you now

“um… im sorry if i interrupted whatever you were doing before” “oh, that? i was just doing jay’s makeup” “you like makeup? me too! i’ve never seen a boy interested in it though, thats really cool” you smile genuinely at him as he blinks in surprise

“really? you think its cool?” “definitely!”

you watch the gears turn in his head before he smiles widely, seeming to have come to some kind of revelation as he nods

“i like you.”

your cheeks heat up immediately, but before you can say anything in return, he starts calling out for jungwon, leaning over the counter

“JUNGWOOON, CAN WE HAVE THIS ONE?”

“well thats up to them” he looks up from the table hes wiping down, adjusting his apron as he walks over to the counter

“so youre all finished with the course? i hope sunoo wasnt too much for you”

“i wasnt! anyways, youre employed, okay?” “sunoo stop theyre just an apprentice”

he groans loudly, irritated once more as he whips his head to you

“you have to work here, ok? i said so, so come back and apply or i’ll be mad!”

you laugh at his antics and smile “i’ll see what i can do”

after jungwon pries sunoo off of your arm, you return your apron and leave the shop with a wave

“YOU BETTER COME BACK!” is the last thing you hear as you step out onto the street, the bell ringing to signal your exit

a week later, you return to the shop, slightly anxious that your new friend(?) might have forgotten about you

but this is quickly washed away when you hear a high pitched squeal from the counter

“JUNGWON! HURRY THE FUCK UP AND GET THE FORMS THEYRE HERE”

you laugh as you approach the counter, a teasing tone on your voice

“are you supposed to be talking to your boss like that?” “whats he gonna do? fire me? im the only one who can make coffee in this place” “true”

soon enough, jungwon comes out of his hiding place, his hands clasped together

“im really sorry to ask this but please, you have to work here, sunoo hasnt shut up about you all week and i dont know if i can stand him anymore, i’ll even pay you extra please dear god”

you give sunoo a look, only receiving an innocent smile and puppy eyes back

“sure, i’ll take the job!”

jungwon sighs in relief as sunoo begins jumping up and down, yelling something about having his own little baby to take care around the shop as you groan, covering your blushing face

once you have your hours established (sunoo made you take the same as all of his, but you did the nights instead of the afternoons on the weekends, to his displeasure), you get straight to working

… well, sort of

it was hard to get work done with sunoo pestering you around the clock

“you think im cute right?” “yes sunoo” “even though i have bags under my eyes? “yes sunoo” “you promise?” “yes sunoo” “good”

admittedly he is slightly of help when it comes to the more fiddly parts of making coffee, but every other second of the day he seems to be flirting nonstop

“can i kiss you?” “no” “why not” “sunoo we’ve been over this” “BEING AT WORK ISNT A VALID EXCUSE”

worn down after his incessant yelling all day, you find yourself snapping faster than usual

“we’re not even dating, sunoo! why would i kiss you!? just stop playing with my feelings already!”

for the first time since you’ve known him, sunoo goes quiet

“why not?”

“what are you talking about now sunoo?” “why arent we dating”

now its your turn to go quiet

“do you not like me?” “what? no, sunoo-” before you can reason with him, you watch him quickly rush away from you around the counter, slamming the break room door behind him with tears in his eyes

cursing to yourself, you ensure there are no customers to serve before quickly darting after him

after looking around a bit, you hear sniffling from the supply closet and knock on the door quietly

“sunoo?” “leave me alone!”

you sigh, taking a step back and turning on your heel to face the opposite direction, running a hand through your hair as you think

you spot a dog bed at your feet, suddenly remembering that jake usually keeps his dog supplies covered in dog hair in the closet

“sunoo arent you allergic to dogs?”

“... *sniffle* y-yeah”

after you persuade him to come out by mentioning that his face is going to get all puffy, he steps out, eyes glued to the floor as he looks away from you in shame

placing a hand on his shoulder, you speak to him softly

“sunoo, look at me”

he does, hesitantly, his eyes red and watery and, as you said, puffy and inflamed

despite this, you smile

“i do like you back”

his eyes start watering again, your heart skipping a beat in fear that you had said something wrong

“e-even if my face is all puffy and gross?” his voice wobbles, the tears filling his eyes giving him a sense of vulnerability as you sigh

“yes, even if your face is all puffy and gross”

he smiles at that, shutting his eyes cutely as you press a kiss to his cheek

“and theres your kiss”

he whines “i was supposed to do that!”

“you can do it after we finish work, okay?” “WORK STILL ISNT A VALID EXCUSE…. but maybe today just because i need to ice my face” “yeah you really should, can you even see?” “no not at all” “great”

jungwon

the previous manager left suddenly and jungwon was given a semi-forced promotion as he was the only employee with at least half of a brain cell

poor boy is stressed 24/7

doesnt get paid enough for this

“hey jungwon we ran out out of coffee bea-” “I ORDERED NEW ONES FOUR HOURS AGO NOW SHUT UP IM TRYING TO MAKE SURE THE BOSS DOESNT FIND JAKE’S DOG SHELTER IN THE SUPPLY CLOSET”

goes through hell every day just to make sure the others dont burn the cafe down

is supposed to be on the morning shift but he stays until the afternoon

in his rare moments of downtime, he likes to go around and water the hanging plants around the shop

is that one vine where the mom listens to nicki minaj for the first time and screams “no” over and over whenever ni-ki gets control of the cafe music

“RIKI NISHIMURA WHAT IS THAT ON THE SPEAKERS” “ITS OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR ARIANA GRANDE” “TURN IT OFF THIS IS NOT PG13” “SHUT THE FUCK UP GRANDPA”

is only 16 but acts like a 32-year-old father going through a midlife crisis

lifts boxes of supplies all day yet his joints are famously brittle

“hey jungwon did you hear glass shattering too?” “sorry jay that was my back” “you need to invest in physical therapy” “maybe if i wasnt paying for property damage every other week 😊”

you meet jungwon when you drop into the cafe for a croissant and a coffee before your class starts

usually you come at night maybe an hour before closing so you had never seen him before, but here you were watching this cute but clearly stressed boy scramble around the shop carrying boxes of supplies to the back

trying not to be creepy, you sigh, turning back to your phone after watching him for a solid five minutes straight

as you do, you hear a crash coming from what you assume is the supply closet followed by a disgruntled groan

pausing, looking around at the other customers typing away at their laptops and waiting for another staff member to go check on the boy, you stand up as you discern that he must be the only one working and hesitantly go to see if he’s okay

“hello? are you okay?” you peer through the door, your eyes widening at the sight of him rubbing his head with a wince on his features, supplies strewn around him at his feet and a box knocked over beside him

“ah… um, yes, i’m okay, sorry if i disturbed you with that noise…” he smiles bashfully, pulling himself back onto his feet

“do you need help with all of that stuff?”

he opens his mouth to protest, not wanting to have to ask for help from a customer, but after seeing the amount of crap off of the shelves, he realises that there is no way in hell he’s going to be able to clean all of it up alone before his shift ends

“um… is that okay?” his cheeks flush with embarrassment as you smile

“sure!”

over the next couple of hours you two establish a little system of bagging the spilt supplies and passes them to eachother to put in boxes, chatting never ceasing as you discover that you actually have a lot of things in common

“since you work here, what’s your favourite kind of coffee?” “i like lattes… i cant stand bitter things” “me too! my friend drinks espressos though” “ditch them”

you also find out that he started being homeschooled after becoming the manager as he doesnt have time to attend normal school

the both of you find yourselves laughing nonstop, having fun in eachother’s company

so much so that you end up late for school

“oh shit! i completely missed my first class”

guilty for making you late, he offers to take you

“i can take you?” “you drive?” “well….. not exactly”

once sunoo and ni-ki arrive to care for the shop, he takes you out to the car park, pulling a spare helmet out of his backpack and securing it on your head before giving your head a pat as he gets onto his scooter

“you look cute” “i look like a bug” “a cute bug”

once you get to school, face red after having to hold onto him the entire time, you hop off and pass him the helmet with a shy smile

“thanks for driving me” you mutter, brushing off imaginary dirt from your shirt as you do your best to avoid eye contact, your face still flushed and heart racing

is it possible to develop a crush on someone this quickly???

jungwon is so cute that he makes it possible, you surmise

“of course” he mirrors your nervous smile, a blush finding its way to his own cheeks

as you bow and spin on your heel to start walking inside, he stops you

“wait!”

“what is it?” you turn to him, your heart still thundering against your ribcage at the fond expression he has plastered on his features

“actually… can i pick you up? after school?”

when you pause, your face growing hotter and hotter, he begins to sputter

“i-i’m really sorry, its fine if not! that was way too forward, i just really like you and- oh god that was even more forward- um-” “okay” “yeah i’m sorry that was a stupid questio- wait, what?”

before he can say anything else, your smile widens

“i’ll see you later, okay? don’t be late!” you wave, skipping into the building with a fluffy feeling in your chest

with an awkward wave, jungwon watches you leave, his mouth wide open in shock before a grin replaces his expression

getting back into his seat, the lovestruck smile never leaving his face as he drives off, he begins to count down the minutes until he gets to see you again

ni-ki

works the afternoon shift

technically an apprentice but he gets paid and has been there forever so basically an employee at this point

or he would be if he ever actually made coffee

he sits with the work phone all morning and chooses the music

perpetually dancing to 7 rings by ariana grande (look up his cover. youre welcome in advance)

jungwon and jay scream at him to at least do the mopping to which he complies, but not without performing a whole ass concert with it

once they saw him twirl and dip the mop

eventually they just told him to go back to curating the music because he was scaring customers away and they were losing business

he was horrible at cleaning anyway

“hey jungwon i think i got window cleaner in your plant” “im firing you” “i dont even go here” “STOP QUOTING MEAN GIRLS AND FIX THE DAMAGE YOUVE CAUSED”

you meet ni-ki while youre drinking your coffee at a booth and he plays your favourite obscure indie song so you have to compliment his taste and get to talking

he plays your favourite songs whenever youre in the shop and audibly hisses at anyone who tries to change it

makes choreography to said songs at home and tries to impress you by casually belting it out by your booth

when you compliment his dancing and ask how long hes been practicing that choreography hes all like “oh hahaha it was just casual freestyle super easy peasy”

(hes been practicing for two weeks)

thought he was being super obvious by doing these things but apparently nOT because you have not caught the hint at all and hes getting impatient

asks for advice from the others begrudgingly

“give them flowers” “jay thats so boring” “do you want to use one of my dogs? everyone loves dogs” “wtf jake since when have you had more than one dog” “make them latte art with a heart on it” “sunoo ive literally never made a coffee in my life” “why dont you just ask them out like a normal perso-” “shut the fuck up grandpa thats so weird no one does that”

eventually he settles on sunoo’s idea of making you latte art and he embarks on his journey to make his first coffee

rather than focusing on the actual taste, sunoo tells him to just do whatever so that he can show him how to do the art

“why is it green ni-ki” “you said to do whatever” “and your first idea was to make poison? idk if this is the best idea if youre trying to ask this person out” “shut up and pass me the milk”

burns his hands on the steaming milk jug at least fifteen times and ends up with so many bandaids on his fingers

despite how stiff the bandages are on his hands, he eventually manages to make a sort-of legible heart

“it looks like africa” “have you ever had steamed milk poured on your eyes sunoo?”

poor ni-ki waits for you all day, his heart leaping every time the bell on the door rings only to roll his eyes when it isnt you

he even stays past his shift so youd better let him take you on a date or hes quitting

when you finally arrive he trips over the bucket at his feet he was using to clean and spills dirty water all over his pants

“omg ni-ki are you okay what happened” *five octaves higher* “NOTHING I'M COMPLETELY FINE WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT”

by the time he’s finished cleaning himself up (and by that i mean fixing his hair in the mirror for twenty minutes) he takes a deep breath and walks over to you, somewhat cold latte in hand

“um,” he clears his throat, his face growing red as he slides the mug towards you “i made this for you”

“aw thanks ni-ki! why is it green” “........its matcha?”

youre slightly suspicious but you look back to the mug and slowly realise that the “drawing” slightly resembles a heart, smiling a little bit to yourself

when you look back to him, youre a little confused as to why hes just standing there

“is something wrong?” you press the mug to your lips, taking a sip

“o-uh uh actually, i wanted to ask if… if you would uh maybe sort of go on a date with me”

you can only smile

“yes, but…”

his heart starts beating faster, watching you anxiously

you stand up, taking the notepad and pen from his apron pocket and scribbling your phone number

“only if you promise to learn how to make actual coffee” you wink, handing him the notepad and sauntering out of the shop

hes stood there dumbstruck, stars in his eyes at the slip of paper in his hand

but then he realises: he has a new mission

rushing to the back room, he slams the door open

“grandpa, i need you to teach me how to make coffee right now” “literally why do i pay you”

with your promise in mind, the others see him work more diligently at the counter than they ever have before

“wow youre actually working today?” “shut up i need to figure out how to do this butterfly before i pry my eyes out with a fork” “haha funny joke ni-” “did i stutter”

at the end of the week, he forces heeseung (the cafe’s best coffee maker) and sunoo (the cafe’s best latte artist) to judge his latte

“this is… surprisingly good” heeseung peers into the mug, smiling at the swan ni-ki created with the latte foam as sunoo grumbles “dont tell me im gonna have to start competing with this kid, it probably tastes gross” “it tastes amazing too” “im quitting”

with his coworkers’ notes in mind, he finally works up the nerve to send you a quick message telling you to come into the shop

when you arrive the next day, ni-ki greets you and immediately gets to work, making sure to stand as close as humanly possible to your booth so he can show off his newly acquired coffee making skills

with you only inches away, he does make a mistake and spill milk on his shirt after looking at you and not his hands for a second too long, but you decide to give him the benefit of the doubt when he sets the mug in front of you

“wow! this heart is perfect!”

you smile, looking up to him “did you seriously learn how to do latte art just so you could take me on a date?” “… y-yeah, and?”

you can only chuckle as you press the mug to your lips, readying yourself to drink liquid dirt…

“this is… really good!” you grin, taking another sip and putting the mug down on its saucer

“i think you’ve definitely earned yourself a date… or two”

at this news, ni-ki’s face lights up, shoving the urge to scream down his throat before nodding stiffly to try and contain his excitement with a strained “cool” escaping his lips

“are you okay ni-ki?” “yes just give me one second”

he quickly scrambles to the break room, a moment of silence wafting through the store before a shrill scream fills the air

eyes wide, you turn to jay, who had been manning the till, after hearing him burst into laughter

“what is he doing?”

“we told him the freezer was sound proof”

#grumbles i guess i will tag #enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypen headcanons #kim sunoo #yang jungwon #nishimura riki #kim sunoo x reader #yang jungwon x reader #nishimura riki x reader

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sleepii-moth · 2 years

Text

ok ok last outer wilds spoilers post for today because i have to go to bed lmao

so first things first: HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE I ACTUALLY GOT TO TALK TO A NOMAI OKAY WHAT THE FUCK HOLY SHIT

when i said i was screaming i mean i was genuinely screaming when that happened- not very loud but still

i wish someone was there to see my reaction because i was so floored i had to keep pausing the game in the middle of reading dialog just so i could take a second to go "oh my god holy shit oh my god" i was just fuckin grinning from ear to ear and SO happy within the first like 10 seconds of the encounter started calling the nomai my friend and getting so giddy at the little remarks like "im rather fond of your 4 eyes" and shit like i was being complimented

the moment when i first saw them i had like a weird mixture of happiness and amazement but was also kind of unsettled at first because while i was super exited and stuff, for so long throughout the whole game whenever you see a nomai space suit theres usually a corpse in there so my brain was like half registering the like very much alive looking nomai in front of me as a moving corpse and i guess i wasnt so wrong about that one..

i have a feeling some weird shits going on and they're definitely supposed to be dead and part of me wants there to be a way for them to live but also i dont know if they'd really want to considering yknow.. their whole clan is dead

second thing: motherfucker really just pulled some psychonauts 2 type shit on me i was so sure as soon as i got to the quantum moon the game would be like over pretty much but nope! i just kinda unlocked a new area.. still have no idea what the ash twin project is or if its even possible to get to the eye from the quantum moon seeing as i tried to multiple times and it didn't work

third thing: im so happy i got to tell someone i talked to a nomai i was like hoping and praying and hoping like please please please let there be dialog for this pleaseeee and there was! and it was really good dkdbd

despite the game being more known for the super good mystery stuff i still love the characters i think they're fucking great throughout the game ive been thinking about how much i hope theres more dialog in the dlc (disclaimer: i know nothing about the dlc) or just in some sort of post game id love to see if any characters have reactions to certain things like me being in a loop

and i loved going up to riebeck and being like "I TALKED TO A LIVING NOMAI" and both of us just losing our shit

i know i kinda said this the other day but this game does such a good job just.. making you the main character i dunno if its just because i have sort of the same reactions to things the player character does but it really just adds so much to the game like if my character reacted to things with tons of dialog and their own opinions it wouldnt feel as good in a way? i guess what i mean is that i can very easily see myself as the main character and the main character as me and i like that alot

anyway i totally expected to finish the game today but i still have so much to do and its almost 1am so i better get out of vr and rest dkshdj

#cant wait to pick it back up again tomorrow #i was honestly kinda frustrated from being stuck on that one thing earlier but this happened and all that went away

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edge-lorde · 3 years

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the religion of the galactic horde

“You seem reluctant to help me. But I only wish to use your weapon to bring peace to the darkest corners of the universe. (Glimmer: Peace? If you activate the Heart of Etheria, there will be no one left.) Yes. No war, no pain. Old worlds swept aside, a new beginning for the universe.” --Horde Prime explaining his motivations to Glimmer

the horde in shera was definitely inspired by Christianity and uses a lot of its imagery, the most iconic being the baptism scene. it certainly gives off the vibes of a christian or christian adjacent cult, but what is its actual doctrine? i have some thoughts about that.

first here are what i consider to be the 3 main differences between real christianity and the horde:

Their jesus didn't ascend to heaven. He's still with them.

They don't have a larger creator god. They worship horde prime like he is a living god but they don't believe that he created the universe.

They have no focus on the afterlife

this is going to be long.

before i begin heres the sparknotes version of christianity for anyone not familiar. I am not evangelizing this, just think of it as LORE.

Once upon a time there was a guy named Jesus. He was the son of the one true god, who both created everything in the universe, is everywhere and knows everything, and controls the afterlife. Jesus is god born as a mortal person, sent by god to teach all of humanity the errors of their evil ways so they can repent and go to the good afterlife when they die. There're two afterlives, a good one and a bad one, heaven is the good one and its run by god and his army of angels, which are divine beings that god can send to earth to do things. The bad one is called hell.

Anyway, in his time on earth jesus was the only person ever to never do anything bad ever (called sin). He tried to teach people how to be good but was Too Good for this Cruel World and was killed. 3 days later he came back from the dead, proving his divinity. Some time after that however, he ascended into heaven without dying, telling his followers to spread the word because hes going to be coming back. Christians today are still awaiting his return. In the meantime, christians follow his teachings left behind in holy texts.

The crux of christianity is to get to heaven when you die, and this can only be done by following the teachings of jesus christ, believing in god, and believing that jesus was the son of god. Its a given that everyone will do bad things at some point in their lives so you're supposed to pray to god and ask for forgiveness regularly and if you really mean it then god will forgive you.

thats the basics.

to my first main point from above, if we posit that horde prime is the jesus equivalent of the horde religion, because hes treated as a living god, his goal is to spread his philosophy throughout the universe, then in the horde religions jesus never ascended into heaven. this would be like if jesus in our world rose from the dead and just picked up where he left off, and never died after that and was alive today. that would be pretty good proof of divinity.

to my 2nd point, theres nothing in the show that suggests that horde prime thinks that he created the universe. this means that he did not get his divinity from anywhere but inside himself, hes not claiming that hes the rightful ruler of the known universe for any other reason besides his ideas are the best.

the 3rd point is that the show does show horde prime or the horde caring one bit about the afterlife, save for one line from wrong hordak.

"Brother, I hope you, too, are full of only love for Horde Prime and have no crippling doubt eating at your soul."

meaning that they have the concept of the soul. which is very interesting and ill get to it, but on the whole the hordes focus seems to be on the here and now. this is a huge departure from christianity because chrisitanity is all about getting to the afterlife. that is the reason that christians are supposed to follow christ and recruit as many people as possible to do the same, because if they dont, they or other people will supposedly go to hell when they die. i say supposedly because at funerals, even if the person who died wasnt a believer, in my experience no christian would ever ever ever insinuate that someone went to hell.

but the difference still stands. following real christian ideology is supposed to have benefits for the individual in the afterlife, while in the horde religion salvation seems to only be found by submitting to prime in this life and being either a tool that he can use to further his goal of purifying the universe or by letting him remove you from it.

on top of all that, horde prime has the hive mind, which he uses to control the thoughts of all his followers. this means that theres no room for a bible study, no need of a holy text at all in fact, and no room for interpretation. horde prime delivers orders to your brain directly and can tell if you think anything out of line. real Christianity does have the idea that a sin that you just think about doing is as bad as actually doing it, but in the horde these thoughts can be easily discovered and punished.

the horde religion seems to me to be a strangely secular version of christianity with only the bad parts remaining; the control, the blind faith, the certainty that you are right and everyone else is wrong, the not questioning authority. with none of the good aspects like community, and good deeds. it is a cult in the truest sense of the word, a religion that begins and ends with one person only, that person being horde prime.

so, if you take horde prime out of the equation, what, if anything, would be left?

i find the plight of the horde clones here to be the most interesting. we know that they do have thoughts about their religion, as it was hordaks belief that he could earn his way back into horde primes god graces that kept him going all those years in despondos, and wrong hordak is distraught when he discovers that horde prime lied about krytis.

unlike both the chipped people we see in the show and real religious converts, the clones were born into this cult that values blind obedience only, and have no prior ideology or cultural identity to fall back on when they are taken out of it.

so to answer this question, i must add some conjecture to horde primes backstory and how the clones see themselves in horde primes universe. I already wrote up a brief backstory idea for horde prime/the clones and have it posted on here somewhere. I'm not going to dig it up but you could probably find it in the #horde prime tag on my blog if you dig hard enough.

To summarize it though, I have it as horde prime was once a regular (bad) dude who became a cult leader under the premise of preaching peace --> he becomes disillusioned with people and even his own followers because he doesn't actually like people, he likes manipulating them. --> this and the power of being a cult leader go to his head and he starts to think that he is the only person in existence capable of living a moral life and everyone else needs to be saved from themselves, the world would be a better place if he could just make everyone's decisions for them. --> he somehow gets a hold of the technology needed to set up the hive mind, be it by inventing it himself, stealing it, finding it, or being gifted it.

I'll pause here to address the theory that horde prime was originally an eldritch being that simply possessed a dude who would become the template for the clones. I think there's enough stuff in the show that this is a valid read and might even be canon but i don't really care for it. For me, what makes horde prime a compelling villain is that he's a very human evil, so having him actually be an evil demon thing instead of a really bad but believable dude who got near ultimate power weakens his character. BUT, i’m not going to address it in my comic so i'll leave it open as to whether he's got that going on or not. If he is, the clones don’t know about it and neither they nor the other characters have any way of discovering it. IF he is though, it would happen here. I could see it being a cool idea for him to get the hive mind from the eldritch being that would then possess him and haunt his lineage for time immemorial as a deal with the devil sort of thing, but he has to be a bad person before that.

Anyway he gets the hive mind--> he gets all of his followers to chip themselves --> gets those people to chip everyone else on his home planet --> use his planet wide army to harvest all resources on the planet and build his first space fleet and take to the skies and start his conquest--> realize that if he is to succeed hes going to need to both become immortal and find a steady source of new followers because chipped people die eventually and he doesnt care about people enough to figure out a way to keep a self sufficient population of followers alive, he just wants people around to adore him and do his bidding--> invents his cloning system-->

and heres the big one,

his original body has to die so he can upload his consciousness into a new clone.

and THAT, to the clones, would be the moment that horde prime becomes a god.

his reliance on the hive mind and vast network of followers are what give him his godly abilities, but just as the horde clones could not exist without being cloned from horde prime, so too could horde prime not exist as he does in the show without them.

i see it as both a christlike sacrifice and a cyclical system of debt and sacrifice. horde prime dies for our sins, so that he might continue to purify the universe so that there will be no more death and more clones will be born, while the clone hes possessing has to essentially die by giving himself up entirely to become the new prime so all this can happen too, and to repay primes death. not all clones can become the next prime however, but all must be ready to die for him, hence horde prime having clone infantries despite also having robots he could send instead.

i dont have clear thoughts about what the green goo is, but horde primes words about his brothers lending him their life force go along with this idea. the clones give him theyre life force, so he can give it back to them.

another interesting aspect of this is that prime always portrays himself as a brother to his followers, never a father as christ is portrayed as in christianity. i know this is from hordak and horde prime being actual brothers in the 80s show but ive seen this trope come up a few times in media before, where a man raises a kid but has them call him their brother instead of dad. it seems so deliberate. because a parents job is to take care of you, but a sibling, might take care of you sure, but thats not their job. its like hes deliberately trying to place himself on the same level as his ‘sibling’ so he can demand the same amount of respect you would give to a parent without taking on the responsibility to not... ya know... screw them over in the head? idk it seems very slimy to me. but that says more about prime as a character than how the clones see him.

and we still have the concept of the soul to fit in here somehow, and do they have an afterlife? im going to say no to the afterlife. theres just not enough in the show to go off of and everything that we do know about horde prime points to him only caring about himself in life. HOWEVER, there is nothing more quintessentially christian than the concept of hell and i think that will be of use here.

since the creation of the clones is tied with the creation of their religion, this would put the clones themselves less as allegories of people who need to be saved and more as the horde version of angels. in my telling here, horde prime views all people who do not submit to his will as net negatives to the universe who have to be removed for peace to exist, so by this view the chipped people are the saved, the people that horde prime kills are the sinners, and his military campaign is one long apocalypse slowly working its way through the universe, with the clones carrying out his righteous judgement. but the afterlife isnt involved in this, so even if some chipped people are left alive, eventually they will all die out, and then it will be just horde prime and is clones in a perfect, peaceful starless sky, and thats what heaven is.

getting to heaven is the main goal of real christianity and it is the same in horde religion, but heaven isnt a place in the horde cosmology, its a physical goal that has to be created. not all clones will make it to heaven of course, because most will die before they reach total destruction of the universe but the clones arent supposed to think of themselves as individuals anyway. they have to be willing to die for horde prime and die for the cause or be cast out and thats hell.

i dont see prime as someone who would kill his own followers outright too often even though he could. plus they arent supposed to value their individual lives the same way normal people do anyway it doesnt seem like a real punishment, they need something worse than simple death to fear. so by my view hell for the clones is separation from prime. it can be in life or death. no matter how bad it is in the horde being on the outside of it has to seem worse, and thats where the concept of the soul comes in. when one is a part of the hive mine, their soul is with prime. they are not supposed to have a will or any thoughts beyond love for prime, its essentially the same as not having a soul but they think of it as being at peace. being cast out is to be never at peace and would be told to them as being the worst possible thing that could ever happen to someone because it corrupts the soul.

“a lot of unpleasant things happen in the horde so just imagine how terrible it must be outside of it! you cant because i protect you from that. now get in the goo, this is for your own good” - horde prime probably

this is why outsiders are so resistant to submitting to primes light and also why its ok to kill them, in the hordes view.

so, to start wrapping thigs up, there is no horde without horde prime. the religion starts and ends with him. because he is supposed to be the only person ever to be able to make true moral and just decisions, without him is followers cant take any actions without worrying that they are going against primes will. since they have no holy text they cant extrapolate and try to figure it out either. its up in the air whether or not they are going to find a way to get the horde to make the jump from cult to regular religion.

its late i got to go to bed now

#shera #spop #the horde #the galactic horde #horde prime #horde clones #horde #rambling #Thoughts #this is really long and rambly but i think most of my thoughts got in there #im falling asleep as i type this #might redo this if i can think of a more concise way to say it

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