#I wish I was born different

[chrissy-kaos]

I’m not well.. 😭

#not okay #not even close #pain #i hurt so bad #im hurtin #I wish I was born different #i hate life #I don’t want to be here anymore #I have no reason to #sad girl #sad girls club #help #I’m drowning #trans #transgender #trans pride #transisbeautiful #mtf #transgirl #girlslikeus #mtf hrt #maletofemale #transformation #girls like us #transexual #trans women #trans woman #trans community #trans people #trans positivity

[aroaceleovaldez]

reminder that the only reason the "ADHD is actually demigod BATTLE STRATEGIES" and "dyslexia is DEMIGOD BRAINS HARDWIRED FOR ANCIENT GREEK" things exist in the PJO universe is because it's a very direct reference to early 2000s teaching/parenting techniques for neurodiverse and disabled children, which aimed to frame childrens' disabilities and hardships as a "superpower" or strength so that the children would feel more positively about their disabilities or situations. This technique has fallen out of favor since then for the most part since more often than not it just results in kids feeling as though their struggles are not being seen or taken seriously.

Yes, demigods are adhd/dyslexic (and sometimes autistic-coded) in the series. This is extremely important and trying to remove it or not acknowledge it makes the entire series fall apart because it is such a core concept. Yes, canon claims that their adhd/dyslexia is tied to some innate abilities, which is based on an outdated methodology. It's important to acknowledge that and understand where it comes from! But please stop trying to apply it to other pantheons in the series like "oh, the romans have dyscalculia because of roman numerals!" or "the norse demigods have dysgraphia for reasons!" - it's distasteful at best.

A better option is to acknowledge the meta inspiration for why that exists in the series, such as explaining potentially that Chiron was utilizing that same teaching methodology to try and help demigods feel more comfortable with their disabilities and they aren't literal powers. In fact, especially given Frank, there's implication that being adhd/dyslexic isn't a guaranteed demigod trait, which means it's more likely to be normally inherited from their godly parent/divine ancestor as a general trait, not a power, and further supports the whole "ADHD is battle strategy" thing being non-literal. It also implies the entire greco-roman pantheon in their universe is canonically adhd/dyslexic - and that actually fits very well with the themes of the first series. The entire central conflict of the first series fits perfectly as an allegory about neurodiverse/disabled children and their relationships with their undiagnosed neurodiverse/disabled parents and trying to find solutions together with their shared disability/disabilities that the kid inherited instead of becoming distant from each other (and this makes claiming equivalent to getting a diagnosis which is a fascinating allegory! not to mention the symbolism of demigods inheriting legacies and legends and powers from their parents and everything that comes with that being equivalent to inheriting traits, neurodiversity, and disabilities from your parents).

anyways neurodiversity and disability and the contexts in which the series utilizes representation of those experiences particularly during the 2000s symbolically within the narrative is incredibly important to the first series and the understanding of what themes it means to represent. also if i see one more "the romans have dyscalculia instead of dyslexia" post in 2023 i'm gonna walk into the ocean.

#pjo #riordanverse #percy jackson #analysis #meta #adhd #dyslexia #also this symbolism recontextualizes the relationship between demigods and their godly parents so much #particularly Percy and Poseidon and the whole ''I'm sorry you were born thing'' like DAMN that's an ENTIRE DIFFERENT IMPLICATION #honestly in general the first series' meta analogy of being a demigod as symbolism for being neurodiverse/disabled ROCKS SO HARD #that's SO COOL and im SO SAD NOBODY EVER TALKS ABOUT IT #i could write a whole essay on that alone like COME ON GUYS #can we PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THIS I WANNA TALK ABOUT THE COOL DISABILITY METAPHORS.... #anyways i didnt proofread this cause. re: dyslexia so if it doesnt make sense dont worry about it #i can try to explain further in supplementary posts if people so wish

[doverstar]

actually I love Tentoo and he is the Doctor and it was the only ending for Rose that worked and it is a huge gift to be able to have the man she loves grow old with her, they were always heading for that, y'all be quiet. I 100% understand the angst but it's okay, they're okay, good ending-

#did you want her to...not end up with the doctor? #she ended up with the doctor. she ended up with the doctor and they get to AGE together #they get to have a real honest relationship the way they both always genuinely wanted #it's hard that the full time lord version has to carry on without her but that is the way that character's story ALWAYS goes #the doctor does not get to keep ANYONE. it would be a different show if he did #meanwhile there is a version of that same face of his - the one that was MADE for love? particularly born out of love for ROSE? the one 1/2 #2/2 that always wanted a FAMILY? and stability? and a normal life? the tenth doctor longed for that specifically because of rose #now he gets to have it AND be part-human so he doesn't have to watch her get old. he gets old WITH HER #and they're canonically growing their own Tardis so you don't even have to be sad that they're not adventuring in time and space as usual #because they ARE. it's the kindest ending for either character. and if the full time lord hadn't left without either of them- #-he would have had to lose them eventually. lose Rose because she's human? hello? painful? but instead he was selfless and left her- #-with a proper happy ending. which she CHOSE to have so you can't be like “he tricked her!” she chose to kiss one of them and it was Tentoo #they are the same man. Rose won in this scenario. #and I GET IT I am with Billie Piper I think it will always feel a little off that she was left with Tentoo and not the full time lord #I understand. it still makes me a little sad. but I know it's a good ending writing-wise. really the ONLY ending. #yes I know about the popular idea of Immortal!Rose or Bad Wolf Rose or whatever and that's cute and all BUT - it's not a GOOD thing #it's not PREFERABLE to be immortal. Rose doesn't want to live forever. she wants to be with the man she LOVES forever. #she doesn't want to not die or adventure for all time. she wants to be there to hold his hand. and when Tentoo is born she gets THAT! #Immortal!Rose is tragic. the Doctor would not wish the burden of immortality on the woman he loves HELLO #anyway #I ship timepetals. that includes Tentoo/Rose. because he is the doctor #so there #I have more thoughts on Tentoo specifically but I digress #maybe if provoked in an Ask or something idk #doctorrose #timepetals #opinion piece #tenrose #tentoo #handy

[phoenixcatch7]

Loz headcanon I will defend to my dying breath:

Links soul gets reincarnated, right? He's the only soul that does that, weird doppelganger shopkeepers notwithstanding because they never remember anything. Not even zelda reincarnates, her legacy is her bloodline and it's magic. Ganon turned up after hylians has come to the surface.

His soul bonds carry over, as we see with the master sword. She can identify him no matter how many eons pass. The triforce is never with anyone but link.

Now loftwings were said to be soul bound to their rider, right? They come during a ceremony at the foot of the goddess statue and live with their rider for the rest of their lives, able to come when called over vast distances.

Now links loftwing that goes unnamed in canon (linked universe chose the name Crimson) is a very unusual bird. Zelda goes out of her way to talk about the exceptionally rare red colouring and how loyal and feisty it is.

Gee, I say, a uniquely red with white mount that is incredibly feisty and loyal to link known to ride like the wind, able to come to him across any distance, that seems to almost reincarnate alongside him whenever possible.

Link's loftwing was called epona and she's followed him through life and death to stay by his side.

#loz #legend of zelda #I mean it's hardly subtle it just means a lot to me ToT #Especially with the lu use of crimson filtering down into most ss fanfic #Again I get why joja did that (enhancing the differences and making it easier to reference) and it is a fitting name #But epona has my heart and you can't tell me that isn't her #loz epona #epona #zelda #tloz #loz ss #loz skyward sword #I was so happy to get her in totk I've had the amiibo for ages but by then my botw stable was full and I never had the heart to release one #And then totk gave me more slots and I IMMEDIATELY went amiibo hunting around the house XD. #She's my dearest sweet horsie I wish I could have given her apples in other games 😔 #Absolutely fearless she was not born a prey animal and she knows it XD.

[starsandthorn]

ah. so elynas and durin really are siblings huh

#personal stuff #thorn plays genshin #hm. hm. #can't believe albedo has another sibling! fontaine event where albedo goes to elynas. who's with me #hsdgfjdkh but fr i thought so after completing the quest! #big dead dragon born from a cosmic void with blood that crystallizes. cells that literally drop Alien Goop #and then the world quest where we get the pov of the ship's crew talking about the Abyssal sea monsters #AND THEN. now. rereading durin lore #durin specifically arose from the Sea and is described as being a black *serpentine* dragon in line with elynas's appearance #festering desire also speaks of a Mother #then dragonspine spear paints durin as being gentle and wanting to befriend the people of mondstadt #and feeling no ill will towards them or dvalin when he died #which is VERY in line with elynas saying he realized the things that interested him brought fear and pain to others. #and that if he could traverse this world without causing pain or fear he would. #is very similar to durin wishing he could have met dvalin and venti and mondstadt under different circumstances #both weapons speak of being born from the same darkness that elynas talks about #AND both of their hearts are still intact. why tf did jakob want to get elynas's to beat again. what the fuck #just aoooh. i love how much of genshin exploration is just realizing how fucking fitting the Cataclysm is as a name for what happened #and how much it happened Everywhere #like. at least 3/7 of the original archons died. which is fucking. bonkers to me #considering MOST of them lived until that point with the only confirmed exception being the og pyro archon #don't even get me started on the fact that most of these deaths aren't even known #makoto obviously and rukkhadevata retroactively. no one in fontaine says a WORD about the lord of amrita #the only ones who seem to care about her are the oceanids. what the fuck #but god. like #the narzissenkreuz institute and the order of skeptics questline. the impact that people trying to investigate the cataclysm had #on others and themselves #like it makes a lot of sense but we don't see it anywhere else!! fucking of course people would try to study the cataclysm!! #of course people would try and find out wtf happened!!! #but now everything to do with the cataclysm is confidential to the point where people don't believe that most of the stories are true

[jacksprostate]

sorry this is once again my monthly 'i'm in love with people and our capacity for compassion even in the face of deep deep cruelty, even though i've seen worse and worse things, come to terms with so much, it's my love of humanity that has let me avoid rotting, encouraged me to grow and chase my own place in helping everyone around me" post

#im really excited for the job im starting. still about a month or so out but heading towards a career change sort of that im really excited #for. im just... i actually used to be very cynical and i struggled to see the point through all the terrible things in the world #but for many reasons #even as i discovered worse and worse things #ive developed... resiliency i never thought id have #born out of this appreciation for those and the world around me #and i wish i could share it. i see so many people in my old shoes #im still growing. so much to do #but im at a level of contentment.. idk. i couldntve dreamed of #and it took effort #it is not /easy/ to face things and believe in good regardless #but. its rewarding. i wish it for all of you #on a similar but different note ive been reaching a point of being more myself in social situations rather than just a chameleon #and ive been lucky enough to have the people around me the past two years or so be very supportive in a way that has truly let me grow and #become a better version of myself #and its sort of been this positive feedback loop. because the more confident and passionate you are the more people are delighted by your #eccentricies #i used to be so beat down #i still struggle so much #but. im at a place i never thought id be #no doubt there will be struggles in the future #hell its not like things are perfect now #still so much. major things to improve on #but idk. i am happy #and its a very full sense of happiness. #full and aware and strong #thats what i wish for all of you :)

[ghey-menace]

i’ve had an essay in my heart about kim and his relationship to his name for a week, and i’m going to get hit by a hurricane tomorrow, so i’m going to write it while i still have internet

i see this exchange used as an example of kim being trans coded a lot, and i agree, but i also think that’s a simplification of what’s going on here. i think reading this solely through the lens of gender leaves out a lot of kim’s experience as a queer/possibly trans man of color from an immigrant family and how all those labels can interact with one another

i don’t know if “kim” is seen as a feminine name in revachol like it is in say, america. i haven’t come across any dialogue indicating that’s the case, but then, not many characters address kim by his given name. i do think it’s definitely seen as a seolite name and that a lot of those “intentions and expectations” kim’s talking about probably have to do with the stereotypes that are constantly imposed on him by other characters.

if it is seen as a feminine name, then the way it would impose gendered expectations on him would be kind of similar to the way it imposes racial expectations on him. and those expectations would also interact with each other. asian men are often depicted as being emasculated and infantilized,and they are often presented as either sexually deviant or completely desexualized. these traits are directly tied to their race and culture and are contrasted with an idealized, white, western masculinity. they’re often used to mock, disrespect, and belittle, and there’s a lot of overlap between these and stereotypes about gay men and trans men.

as a queer/trans fantasy!asian man, kim’s working against all of these racial stereotypes, and his race/sexuality/gender id and presentation/disability(asians often get jabs about eyesight), all those stereotypes compound on each other. all contributing to kim being constantly disrespected. and i think a lot of his beliefs/behavior/worldview center around trying to command the respect he’s constantly denied.

as part of that, i think kim downplays his connection to his culture, just like he downplays anything about himself that he doesn’t think is respectable. i find it interesting that the first thing he says when harry mentions his race is that his parents didn’t teach him anything, only to reveal later that they died when he was two. and the way he says it, automatically and wearily, like he’s said it a billion times, i’m willing to bet cash money that’s a rehearsed response to people asking him, “if you’re seolite why don’t you know/do xyz?” when he never had a chance to learn that stuff. he was raised in revachol, by revacholians, but no matter how adamant he is about that, he will always be seen as a foreigner in the only culture he’s ever known. because of his face and his name. and the only one of those he can change is his name.

so he thinks about what it would be like to be named something else, but decides against changing his name. i think that’s because, while he might resent the expectations others attach to it (racial or gendered), at the same time i think he’s attached to because it symbolizes a connection to a culture and a family he has few connections to. one of the only things he received from his family, and one of the only things from his culture he can feel is really his.

#long post #kim kitsuragi #disco elsyium #tbh kim is the one i wanna study like a bug #because he's super relatable to me as a queer trans mixed asian whose family left china a million years ago #like this part hit me hard tbh #i wished my name was different because it doesn't sound chinese and i'm blasian so people think i'm lying when i say i'm chinese #like how fucked up is that? #like being mixed and assimilated and unconnected to your culture while also always being seen as exotic is suuuuper isolating #and will super fuck you up #but this is also why i want to shake kim #for the same reasons i want to shake myself #like kim! #baby! #they are never going to respect you not even if youre a cop! #so give it up already with the respectability politics #quit your job #and be the weird little gaysian speedfreak you were born to be!

[darkprincecait]

remembering that person who got annoyed with me for being born in 1990 out of nowhere again. most baffling complaint I've ever gotten. suffused with the same energy as 'height is a choice'. just chose a horrible year to be born over here.

#cait rambles #wish I'd saved that message #iirc i could've shared a birthdate with an singer they liked if i had the forethought to be born at a different time? #it wasn't up to me I'm sorry 😞

[petergabrielyuri]

the best part of maurice hands down is when maurice shows up at clive's place just to say "your groundskeeper and i fucked nasty in your house." and then leaves his life forever

#i read AND watched maurice and yeah it's so good #both book and movie are #wish there was more alec... #but holy shit one tiny difference in the movie changes pretty much everything #that being in the book clive like... actually physically turns straight #while in the movie he just elects to never act on his homosexuality ever again #which turns it from an allegory of how privilege corrupts you even if you were born at a disadvantage #into one about how in the war of class position vs sexuality class position almost always wins #it also makes clive's character so much more tragic in the movie than in the book #i have many thoughts. #anyway i was gone for like a month sorry lol #my post #maurice 1971 #maurice 1987 #maurice book #maurice movie #i wanna differentiate the movie and the book in my tags cause i have different thoughts about each one

[blitheringbongus]

Can't believe Scar saw a rapidly approaching, dishevled mumbo and went "he's so cute." I need to run unorthodox experiments on them.

IKR SAME OMG

They’re literally perfect for each other <- delusional

But seriously they have so much lore together in my silly brain and the few interactions they do have (WHICH HAS BEEN INCREASING A LOT LATELY MAY I ADD) has been FUELING the fire rapidly and gods gods GODS do I have many thoughts about them

#literally making an illustration type comic on Mumbos whole vampire timeline #Scar will be next with his vex schenanigans.. #the worst part is I always cycle like three to five different backstory’s in my brain for these two I CANNOT decide #but now that I’ve written a short ficlet (that no one will see unless asked) abt a few scenes of Mumbos backstory I think I’m pretty set on- #-his part #Scar tho??? no clue #I have the Hotguy backstory (which I daydream about WAY too much) I have the apocalypse backstory. I have the single player raised by villa- #-gers for years and years cuz his mom dropped him off in the single player world when Scar wasn’t conscidered a player yet since he was an- #-infant cuz it was a teen pregnancy and she was too scared to tell anyone so she just dropped him off with the villagers never to be seen #again. and since it was technically HER single player world when Scar DID grow up old enough to be recognized as a player he couldn’t #access any of the 'exit world' stuff or anything like that since it wasn’t his world #and then like a watcher or smth pulled him out of it so that Scar could be put through the horrors of gun related things for experimentstuff #and then there’s the backstory of where scar IS a watcher. like not a person turned watcher he was BORN (if you could say that) a watcher #and like the other watchers wanted to do an experiment of basically 'could a watcher if stripped of its memories and placed in a people- #-world be able to produce its own feelings and emotions?' and so they did that to Scar but they didn’t place him there as a baby no. they #placed him there as a full grown man so bros even more confused. and when the life series stuff started he had exactly one ☝️ dream per #Series and it was tiny little snippets of his watcher self but he didn’t know that it’s him but like he felt a strange pull towards these #dreams so that’s basically the reason why he kept coming back to the life games even tho they hurt him deeply as we all know #and then when he won secret life the secret keeper asked him what his wish was now that he’s won and he didn’t ask to know who he was and #where he came from (since he just appeared one day as a full grown man with no identification) since he’s made peace with that maybe it is #better not to know. so instead he asked abt the dreams he always has in these series and wth their abt and the context and stuff #and then BAM the secret keeper just drops all that information on him and he has an identity crises :D #anyways. I put both of these guys through many horrors I just have so many ideas for scar specifically. oh also there’s that backstory where #hes an assasin guy and he feels rlly guilty abt it when he gets split in half (gtws and btws) cuz like he has morals now apparently?? also #it explains the scammer stuff cuz he was a HUGE scammer bacl them #asks #hermitcraft #goodtimeswithscar #mumbo jumbo #redscape

[valentines-wolf]

If i could draw Id draw V and Maria together bc "born out of someone else's trauma but tried their best to make their short lives their own" yadda yadda

#silent hill 2 #devil may cry #yes i know V was discarded #but consider post canon #what if Vergil somehow let V go to live a life he never could #born from a wish/dream gang #i love this type of characters #i know theyre vastly different but i cant help but make a connection between V and Maria #Maria was born to torment James for his sins #V was discarded as an useless piece of an imperfect whole #literature freaks tell me why i made this connection

[toastsnaffler]

everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏

#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too #things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄 #jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that #having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically #and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me #despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence #and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik- #she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh #and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space #and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she- #likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man #i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them #theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road #theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill- #finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me #old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc #anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included- #bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately #also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that #im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it.. #ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too #its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes #regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a #fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling #and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........ #sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!! #.diaries

[semercury]

Maybe I'll die in my sleep lol

#stuff sarah says #im gonna make a more serious life updage post tomorrow #for those curious as to whats going on with me that i havent told privately yet #but yeah. im not well #my mom seriously wants me to try getting a new therapist and im digging my heels in #bc im fine. dont people know i thrive under high stress and taking everything on my own shoulders? #itll be after this is all over that youll need to worry about me #its like keeping pressure on a wound. im fine. im under so much pressure. its once it gets released that i might bleed out #or like. im like a blobfish. if you depressurize me ill blow up #maybe i would be pretty if i was deep in the ocean under insane amounts of pressure... #anyway. i hate myself. i hate my life. i wish i was never born. everything is terrifying #but like im fine. how is this any different than it ever is really? #im the universes favorite punching bag. im so resilient. i always bounce back. im fine. dont worry.

[cloversposts]

Hm

Many trans girls experience erectile dysfunction

If i got phallo, with which i cannot become erect “naturally” and requires erectile devices in order to do so, i would be transgirl-like in that way

I never thought of it that way before

#this brings me comfort as someone who identifies as a transgirl due to my general demeanor/vibe and interests and transition history #since ive been on estrogen and progesterone #and just generally always wished i was born with different gestational experiences and transitioned with estrogen #o well #for later #intersex #trans #hrt #phallo #srs #phalloplasty

[supernovaa-remnant]

.

#I don't think I'll ever be able to articulate how heartbroken I am that my family no longer has ties to our pre-colonial culture #the philippines has so many different ethno-linguistic groups #and it was home to so many different groups before the spaniards came #and I love researching the pre-colonial cultures and the different ethno-linguistic groups #but it's not the same #and obviously I'm very proud of my filipino culture in current times #because there are a lot of cultural things that emerged after/because of the occupation #and that's all so /so/ important to me and I wish I knew more about that as well #but the fact that my family's pre-colonial culture is pretty much lost is heartbreaking #because yes we're visayan and I know that I asked my mother about it #but the visayas are so so large and held so many different groups #idk idk it just makes me really really sad #I wish I could meet my ancestors and ask them directly y'know? #because everyday I learn more about pinoy culture despite being born and raised in america #and I'm about to finally start learning tagalog #but I just can't do that with the pre-colonial culture :( #stella rambles #personal

[devilfruitdyke]

on my soapbox again but. not every opinion should be an identity because then every dislike turns into oppression

#hi weirdgirlfag if you see this we're going through it #anyway i was in the t.ransid tag because someone asked them about it and hm .. #rapid fire take time #if you identify with wanting to have trauma yr probably traumatized #if you identify with having ocd (for example) you probably have obsessions/compulsions but feel like you need a label for validity #if you identify with being a different race yr a weeb who should log off and realize you can actually appreciate cultures. #rather than literally being born there #if you identify with a different age you probably wish you were less constrained by weird ideas of maturity #and most importantly. you need to consider yrself as religious/spiritual for believing in past lives and dimension shifting #those are metaphysical beliefs and you shouldnt be swayed into believing some cult tiktoker while able to maintain yr atheist identity #..when you look in the mirror. #theres not even anything bad about having those as spiritual beliefs i just dont want people with preexisting beliefs on religion #to be talked into increasingly more controlling shit #ps. t.rans-opinion doesnt have to be a thing because opinions are different than rigid social constructs. you can just lie.