#I wrote this a year ago and beta read it myself yay

[joeytime]

Maxiel Hogwarts Au...

If you asked Max what he thought of Hogwarts, he would likely make a joke about pigs and insult their quidditch teams.

He isn't sure it's smart to do that now, in the middle of the Hogwarts' grand hall, completely surrounded by Hogwarts' students and staff. He isn't sure he could escape even if he had his broom.

"Wow, you really hate Hogwarts." The dreaded hat says atop his hair.

Shut up! Max thinks furiously at it. Get out of my head!

Everyone stares intensely at Max, not daring to breathe while the fate of the member of the national quidditch team is being decided. Even the teachers are at the edge of their seats, other than Dumbledore, he seems to know where Max will inevitably end up.

"Little quidditch champion. Everyone is expecting" The hat says, as if it's life of forever moving from head to head to call one of four words is somehow a greater destiny than Max's.

It's not. Max knows he will go on to succeed in life, and win as many quidditch championships as he wants and then retire on an island in The Maldives with a butt load of cash while the hat is left in a dusty room, waiting for it's yearly use. Max wants to reach to rip it up but it would not be wise to do so in front of Dumbledore himself. His hands stay in his lap, frown etched on his face.

"Impatient. Immature." Max's fingers twitch slightly. There is only so much backtalk one can take from a hat.

"Violent and uncaring, wherever will I put you?" Max doesn't agree with that description, he cares plenty, about winning that is.

"Foolish. Foolish boy." It doesn't hurt, Max has heard those words plenty of times.

Max sulks.

It's a beat of silence before the suspense reaches its climax. "Hufflepuff! " The hat hollers, not bothering to consult Max on it's decision. Which is very rude and impolite.

The entire room erupts into chaos, screams of "What! " and "No way! No way!" echo throughout the hall.

Max can't help but agree, he thought he might end up in Gryffindor or Slytherin, maybe Ravenclaw if he was super unlucky. But Hufflepuff? His father was going to disown him. The media are going to have a field day. Well they were going to already, regardless of which house Max was put in.

Dumbledore moves to pull the hat off of Max, the treacherous thing whispers one last time: "Things will make sense in time. Be patient. Do not mope."

Max doesn't mope. Verstappens can't mope, so he doesn't.

Dumbledore gently guides a slightly speechless Max to the Hufflepuff table, pushing him into the seat before winking and walking off.

Max wants to burn down this school.

Cheers erupt from the Hufflepuff table, hands coming to pat him on the back and fawn over him.

The other tables seem miserable at the prospect of losing out on a quidditch champion.

"Oh my god! Hi! Hi! Oh my god! It's you!" A boy excitedly chatters to his left, other students crowd around him and Max suddenly finds that he can't breathe. It's like he's small again, after being knocked off his broom by an overly excited big kid. He had fallen to the ground, too exhausted and overwhelmed to get back up.

His father had been mad, really mad. He hadn't slept well again after that.

"Guys! Guys! He doesn't look so good. " Whoever that is, is definitely right, Max can hardly breathe, he tries to use the breathing technique his father taught him after his first match, control his breathing. It doesn't work, it only causes the panic and urgency in his veins to surge. It did work, it's purpose was to put him on guard, not calm down.

He curls into himself, hands around his ears to protect from the deafening sound of crowds cheering. His bubble of personal space is of course pried and poked at. Fans never had any self awareness when it came to these matters and his father never did have sympathy for personal space.

Hands are pried away from him, he can hear outraged screeching at the action. His own quidditch team's screams when he was 6 years old and pulled away to join the older kids. They thought it wasn't fair that a small boy climbed the ranks faster than they did.

"Hey! Hey! Everyone back up right now!" The entire opposing team bombarding him in an attempt to stop him. The referee's reprimand that fell on deaf ears.

The people at his sides are replaced and gentle hands hold him back up, out of the ball he curled himself into.

Max doesn't dare look up, too afraid at the thought of seeing his father's judgemental look.

"Hey, are you okay? " Max turns his head, soft, gentle, warm eyes, concerned. Jos was never concerned, he was the uncaring one! Not Max!

"I'm fine. " A repeated response, practiced again and again every time he came home to his mother.

The teen with the soft eyes gestures for another boy to sit on Max's other side. The boy opposite Max looks on in concern.

"Hello. I'm Daniel Riccardo, I'm a prefect of Hufflepuff, it's nice to meet you." The gentle boy says, eyes still filled with concern.

"Max Verstappen. " Max manages to choke out.

"The boy on your left is Yuki Tsunoda and that's Lando Norris." Daniel gestures to the boy sitting opposite Max, who waves shyly.

The ruckus Max's sorting caused calms down and everyone settles down to listen to Dumbledore's welcome back speech which luckily does not mention Max.

Max feels strange between Riccardo and Tsunoda, like dread wrapped in false cotton. Norris also peers at him from time to time, creep.

They're sent back to their dorms. Max tells Riccardo that he can get there on his own but the older boy frowns and insists that he takes Max. Max thinks his father would be disappointed at his complacency but he doesn't have the strength to fight it.

Riccardo leads him to the kitchen, Max wants to snap some insult about him being a goody two shoes and how this is none of his business. He holds his tongue.

Riccardo gestures to a specific barrel, looking more worn out than the ones around it. He taps a certain beat, perhaps it's a secret code. That's childish, Max decides, they are not children playing in a fort.

The barrel swings open.

Max grimaces at the small tunnel.

"Here, you try tapping it." Riccardo puts Max's hand to the barrel.

Max repeats the rhythm perfectly. Memory exercises were part of his training.

Once Riccardo is satisfied, he points at the tunnel, almost as if he wants Max to crawl through it.

Max scrunches his nose, seriously? The older boy points more urgently and Max relents, shoving himself through the tunnel.

Well, not shoving, he's not really big, a fact his father loathed, putting him on diets with large sums of proteins and even attempting to use transfiguration spells before it was put to a stop by his mother.

Max wished his mother had not stopped his father. Maybe he would have an excuse not to join this god forsaken house.

It's an agonizing 5 second crawl before he pops out the other end right in front of Lando Norris, the boy before.

Daniel appears behind him, putting a hand on Max's shoulder.

"So Max, this is the Hufflepuff house. You know Yuki and Lando. That's Oscar, Nico and Valtteri." Riccardo urges the boys to come forward.

"It's Verstappen. " Max declares, Riccardo quirks an eyebrow and the rest of the boys look equally confused.

"Hi! I'm Lando! I'm like a huge fan, do you mind signing this for me? " The boy's yellow robes are somehow orange.

Max's PR training kicks in and he smiles one of those sickly sweet smiles that his father loves to wipe off his face before ordering him to smile again. His posture straightens and he reaches a hand around the younger boy's shoulders, patting him on his back once, twice. Just like he rehearsed.

"Sure! " His tone is so obviously a faux sweet as he reaches to retrieve the black marker from his back pocket. The boy has stars in his eyes and Max feels guilty, he always does. He's a fraud.

He signs the hat from his national team, the one he left behind.

He wishes he didn't.

"Hey, are you okay Max? " Riccardo asks, looking weird again.

"I'm doing great, how are you? " His PR trainer said asking back these questions were endearing, cute. Max's father had mocked him for that act, his trainer had been fired after that.

"How about I bring you to your room? Would you like that?" Riccardo asks, Max smiles again, nodding.

"Sure." Norris waves enthusiastically as Riccardo leads him out of the common room and into his private room.

"Are you alright? Max?"

"Call me Verstappen."

"Verstappen. Are you alright?"

"You can go, Riccardo. "

"... Call if you need anything."

When the prefect leaves, Max wants nothing but to burst into tears. He flops onto the bed.

The next day he drags himself out of bed. Even if classes don't start till 9 and the sun hasn't risen yet.

Jos expected him to continue his strict training regime. He was almost tempted to skip it and lie to his father but he thought he better not after his humiliating sorting from yesterday.

Now, alone, Max can see the Hufflepuff room properly. It's... It's all gentle lighting, none of the bright fluorescent lights his room had. The chairs looked comfy and the many plants lazing around the common room tempts him to join them.

Perhaps that would be a better fate, turning into a plant to live the rest of his life in the common room. His hand lingers on his wand, mind on a spell his professor taught him when he was just 9. He didn't.

When he had crawled out of the Hufflepuff room, fully dressed, broom in hand, the sun was just peaking from the horizon.

The halls are empty, some portraits mutter as he walks by. His father's portraits never moved, other than those instructed to. For example, a painter that never stopped moving his brush or a surfer never to take a break from the sea.

Making his way to the Hogwarts field, he stretched, slow and patient. His bones crack from the exhausting day he had before.

The field is decent sized, not as big as the one he played in during national championships, bigger than the one his father made him run laps around till he fainted.

He glides through the air easily, flying comes easily to him. If he were to be given his own time and freedom he thinks he would likely still be a top player in the school leagues.

It's better that he was hurled up though. Better to have reached the top by sheer force of his father's training.

He thinks about his national team, he's a reserve, too young to play officially but the team has him in some practices and he attends smaller competitions for them. Max suspects it's more about having a claim on Max when he comes of age.

He's 15, he still has 3 years to choose which team he wants to go to. By then, he will make his own choice. He will not do whatever pleases his father anymore.

The golden snitch twinkles near the end of the field. Max pretends not to see it.

It is fun, sometimes, tricking the golden snitch, allowing it a false sense of security. Like a tiger cub playing with a cricket.

His father would get mad at him if he did it for too long, he was upset his son couldn't catch it at once. Which Max could, he just didn't see the fun of it.

The fluttering golden ball is in his hands before it can even think of escaping.

Max briefly wonders if the snitch can possibly think, he lets it flutter away, repeating his game once again.

In the golden light of the sun and shaded path of the clouds, the wind whizzes past his ears, he falls into the familiar rhythm of flying, sometimes he makes his own obstacle courses, weaving through imaginary hoops.

By the time the sun reveals itself fully to watch Max fly, he realizes that a crowd has gathered around under him, star-struck Hogwarts students watching, mouths open and everything.

He flushes slightly, he may have had many adoring fans due to his membership in the national team and young age but come on! These were his peers.

Max lowers down, checking his watch to see that it is indeed 8.30am and he has to run if he wants to get to class not drenched in sweat.

He waves slightly to the crowd, zipping to the house dorm even though he's probably breaking several school rules.

He knocks the tune and enters quickly, still high from the adrenaline of flying.

He climbs out of the tunnel only to come face to face with Daniel Riccardo, his face stern and stony.

"Verstappen! You can't just sneak out like that!" Daniel's expression softens when he sees Max.

Max knows he feels pity even if Riccardo knows nothing about his life.

"I of course did not sneak out, I left my room and went to the field." Max doesn't think early hour training counts as sneaking out, going to parties in the dead of the night is sneaking out.

"Max, we were worried. I went into your room and you weren't there. Thought you'd been kidnapped by the other houses to play quidditch for them or something... "

Max considers this briefly, Riccardo knocking on his door gleefully, freezing when he doesn't get an answer. Did his blood pressure spike? Did he throw Max's door open in desperation only to find the room empty?

Max grimaces.

"I went to go training... Sorry..." Max stands awkwardly, hands by his side like a child being punished by a parent.

Riccardo sighs. Max wants to cry.

"Please forgive me, I'm of course sorry, I will do anything!" Max cringes inside, begging with someone other than his father is a foreign concept.

Riccardo has a cheeky smile on his face, Max is almost scared.

"I'll forgive you... Only if you call me Daniel!"

Max groans inwardly, well he's also partly relieved but Daniel doesn't need to know that.

"What will it be Max? Will you call me the d word? Or will you suffer in my never ending spite! "Daniel's grin grows.

" Fine. "

" Fine, who? "

"Fine. Daniel."

Max flushes, weird.

Daniel looks elated.

#max verstappen #daniel ricciardo #maxiel #harry potter au #hogwarts au #my writing #baby's first fic #i am baby btw #I will accept criticism but if you raise your voice I will cry #Christian is obviously the head Hufflepuff teacher and loves all his children #Toto is the Ravenclaw teacher and they have intense quidditch matches every year #no rights for the lion and snake house #writing my Lando is/was a fan of Max agenda #Im not sure why i included Dumbledore though the image of him standing next to any of the F1 boys is hilarious #I wrote this a year ago and beta read it myself yay #did not get an A for English #The last name to first name pipeline is real #F1=quidditch #okay enough yapping #i posted this once and it didnt work so this is the second attempt sorry

[lilolilyr]

✨ao3 wrapped 2023✨

Haven't seen this tagging meme around at all yet this year, so I thought I'd start it myself!

2022

Works published: 74, very similar to last year! a bit less but the year also isn’t over yet :D edit: by the time I’m getting around to post this, it’s on 86! Yay!

Wordcount: 118254 I’m happy I made it past 100k! That was my tentative goal and I didn’t think I’d make it with how slow it came along for most of the year, but with flufftober and the events I did manage :D

Kudos: 3184

Hits: 31833

Bookmarks: 267

Subscriptions: 114 and I’m at 157 user subscriptions right now? Who follows my multifandom mess of an Ao3, doesn’t that completely clogg up your email inbox? Maybe I’m just biased bc I rarely check my fandomy email and when I do it’s always a mess xD but I think tag lists on tumblr are so much more useful

Most popular by kudos: Gave myself a Fright, a Mirandy (DWP) fic with 301 kudos

Most hits: same fic, 2404 hits

Longest: lonely hearts on remote roads with 10811 words - Milippa road trip AU my beloved!

Shortest: I wrote nine drabbles (100 word ficlets) this year, they’re the shortest ones :)

Most Comments: my podfic of the Mirandy longfic Jigsaw has 14 comment threads - damn, that’s a year with few comments! In past years the whole top 5 commented on fics had more than that. Oh well!

Fics that made me cry: Grief, a fanfic where I project my own feelings about a dead pet onto Myka, and recording the Jigsaw podfic also made me really emotional a lot

Fics that made me smile: so manyy! For example the Berena fic Happiness surrounded by Snow

gifts:

- the first chapter of ‘Time Dilates’ by @barbarawar as my Bering and Wells gift exchange gift back in February, thanks!

- ‘Blame it on Circumstance’, a wonderful sequel to the fluffy fic @squishmittenficfan made me for the Berena gift exchange in 2022, and another sequel Blame it on Love posted just a few days ago I haven’t actually gotten around to read yet but am already very excited for!

- ‘never borrow Helena’s clothes’, a fic for the Bering and Wells advent by @jesstrel that I have beta read for them :)

I have gifted some fics as well this year, I tend to gift people fics when they helped me with it by beta reading or cheering me on, or when I was writing to someone’s prompt! I know I adore getting gift works on Ao3 and I love to share that happiness :)

collaborations:

Halloween fic and art collab with @thewalkingmeepa, that was fun!

Drunken Considerations, a Bering and Wells collab fic with @lavendelhummel :D first time I made a collab while actually in the same room with the other person xD

Both collaborations and part of an event were the fic & podfic works Where No Flan Has Gone Before (Star Trek humor) with @bookgirlfan and Which Mere Modernity Cannot (modern Dracula) with @artax-risen, and the Bering and Wells Advent Calendar with @lavendelhummel @purlturtle @akittennameddaisy @viharistenno @jesstrel @sallysetonbw @violetren @thiakerrigan @tryingthisfangirlthing that is still ongoing! finished now, I take too long for tagging memes xdxD

events:

- Flufftober (I managed to make something for every single day of the month, yay!)

- Berena advent

2022 version

Tagging, if you want to do it, everyone already tagged above as well as @die-schwanenkoenigin @amysnotdeadyet @lesbianlotties @guardianrock @73chn1c0l0rr3v3l @danisnotmyname @batnbreakfast @sapphicscholar @tabsolanya @sterenheart @wibblywobblyida @forestcircle @ongreenergrasses and everyone else who sees this!

For ease of copying: Works published: Wordcount: Kudos: Hits: Bookmarks: Subscriptions: Most popular by kudos: Most hits: Longest: Shortest: Most Comments: Fics that made me cry: Fics that made me smile: gifts: collaborations: events:

sapphicscholar purlturtle die-schwanenkoenigin amysnotdeadyet squishmittenficfan viharistenno lesbianlotties bookgirlfan

#ao3 wrapped #ao3 wrapped tag #Lilo writes #Lilo writes behind the scenes #tagging meme #fanfic tag #mine #dec’23 #29.12.23 #Berena #Bering and wells #Star Trek #Dracula #mirandy #lilolilyrae #ao3 link #sapphicscholar #purlturtle #die-schwanenkoenigin #amysnotdeadyet #squishmittenficfan #die schwanenkoenigin #schwanenkoenigin #lesbianlotties #daniwouldnever #squishmitten #bookgirlfan

[purlturtle]

Fun meta writer asks: 1, 18 and 25. Have fun! :)

Yay more asks! Here we go!

1) Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

ohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohBOY! So much great stuff! So I'd count three things as current projects:

my Halloween story, because I am (in an utterly unprecedented happening) rewriting the entire ending as I post, which means that currently I'm one full and one half chapter ahead (as in, I'm good for this Sunday, and working on what I need to post next week, which is the penultimate one; the last one is mapped out in my brain) and I am writing AS WE SPEAK (so to say) the scene in which Myka and Helena confess their love for each other AAAAHHHHH!!!! I gotta say I don't love this pressure of not having a completely finished story as I'm posting; I'll work hard on never having to do that again. But the story itself I love a lot!

the second part to Strata, called Commutata, which I'm editing with the help of a wonderful, wonderful beta reader (I can't rave enough about them, it's so amazing, seriously!). Y'all aren't ready! I really dug deep into Helena's psyche in this one, and I'm excited for you all to read it once it's done. I'm hoping for that to be in spring of this year, but I do not want to put any pressure on my beta-reader or myself. I'm much to happy with how it's going to introduce anything like a deadline or something like that.

and last BUT NOT LEAST the Pirates AU. Swashbuckling, canon elements on tall ships, lies and deception, love and ruminations about gender and being true to yourself and being greedy - it's gonna be great. I don't think it's gonna be ready anytime before fall, though. And don't quote me on that either! I'm planning this one much more thoroughly than I've ever planned a fic, and I'm working with a coach to help me make this my best story ever! I am beyond excited about this, and I'm very glad you asked :)

18) Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

Yep - the story 1899 started out as an actual Doctor Who crossover, with Madame Vastra and Jenny appearing in the inn after Myka's fainting, and announcing that they're not safe until the day on which Christina should have died has passed. The (thirteenth) Doctor eventually would have appeared too. But I like the version as is, because it has much more potential to go other places.

25) Would you say your writing has changed over time?

In some ways yes - I am more deliberate about storybuilding these days, and striving to be even more so by learning how to do that and not just going on impulse. In other ways, no - I started writing about ten years ago, in my early thirties, so it's not like I myself have changed a lot since then. Certainly not as much as people who begin writing in their teens or twenties. When I read my first published fic (which turns ten this year! :D ) there isn't much I'd change/do differently if I wrote it this time around. If you spot a marked difference, by all means let me know! I'm always eager to hear what others think of my writing.

Thanks for asking - I did indeed have a lot of fun!

#ask meme #ask me #get to know your author #fun meta asks for writers

[isidar-mithrim]

Tag game

Thank you for the tag @fightfortherightsofhouseelves and @clarensjoy!! 

Also, I’ll take this opportunity to apologize for all the tag-chain/game I ignored lately! I’m quite busy this period and while I do still check tumblr almost daily – especially now that I can’t wait for new @giblimort‘s amazing portraits *_* – it’s more like a few-minute scroll in the homepage and maybe read the occasional ficlet so I might miss the tags or more probably I might be lazy about answering them ^^’ But it always makes me smile that someone thought of me, so be aware that it’s appreciated and it makes my day lighter <3 @narukoibito @sybill-the-seer @ballerinaroy and I’m surely forgetting someone ^^’

Fandoms: Harry Potter, the one and only ;)

Where you post: Tumblr and Ao3, but I also have an account on the italian fan fiction page EFP (but my last stories are missing and most of the old ones that I’ve translated needs to be changed/edited, so I would kinda beg any passing italians to read them in English or ask me what version I would suggest XD). And one on Wattpad that I haven’t updated in a long while...

Most popular one-shot: Well I’m not sure what defines “popular” here, so I’ll kinda cheat and check the Ao3 stats I think for the first time ever and give you:

one for “most hits”: Fantasies [NSFW and basically Hinny PWP, so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised it’s the one with most hits XD]

one for “most kudos”: Standing on tiptoe [whoa, hadn’t seen it coming!]

one for “most bookmarks”: Letters for beyond (featuring the Potters)

one for “most comment threads”: so there are 4 with the same number, two of them are the two above, and between the remaining two I’ll pick A new beginning, a post-war chat between Harry and Neville ^^

Most popular multi-chapter: among my only two proper multi chapters, of which one is incomplete so far and with just 2 chapter and the other is complete with just 3 short chapter (what an achievement XD), Better than fireworks  is the one among all of my stories, including one shots, with “most bookmark”, “most subscriptions” (by far) and also “most comments threads”: [all this support is absolutely amazing, but I admit also kinda make me feel guilty because it’s almost been a year since I posted it and promised to finish it, ups ^^’ And the ironic thing is that I still plan too. One day. Maybe XD]

But I’ll also cheat a little bit again, naming a4 one-shots series, “Have a biscuit”. If you like Neville and McGonagall, I’ll be honored if you’d give it a try ^^

Favourite story written so far: Ahhh that’s a tough one, I tend to be quite fond of my stories (yay for the modesty, lol – I swear that when I’m not that thrilled I always admit it, though XD)... Let’s say “As though by a mother” but I might give a different answer in a week XD

Fic you were nervous to post: I’m not sure I’m never actually “nervous” before posting (more like, afraid that the story won’t appreciated as a I hope/that it won’t interest people), but I guess I must have been a bit nervous before posting my first ever pic translated in English, which also happens to have a not-so-usual writing style: And yet it tastes good

How you choose your titles: Ahhhh, good question. I guess it depends. Tbh I’m not that good at titles, or sometime I have a (supposedly) great one in Italian that doesn’t really translate (or isn’t that good) in English or viceversa. [Example: the “Have a biscuit” serie has English titles that I like way better than the italians, but a story like “Souls of Ink”, while having a good ring in English, to me it’s way more powerful and poetic in Italian, “Anime d’inchiostro”].

Sometimes I don’t have a title until the end and I kinda throw something there, sometimes I have the title from the very beginning and it could be a big part in inspiring the story. I tend to use title that are neither too short nor too long, and I don’t usually use songs quotes or the like. Plus, I’m very happy if the words/phrasing of the title recur literally or metaphorically in the story! I also try to match the “feeling” of the title (and the summary) with the “feeling” of the story. Like, I’d go for a more poetic/dramatic one for an angst story, and for a more comedic-like one for something more fluffy or silly.

Complete: Well, that’s easy, since I mostly stay away from multi-chapters XD (and for good reasons – see above XD) All my one shots, and most of my “closed” series, as in, series that I imagined with a beginning and an end or something like that (so, series like “Next Generation” don’t really have a complete/incomplete status) 

In progress: Again “Better than Fireworks”, and I’ve also just realised that I’ve yet to finish translating (despite being at a decent point) the second and last chapter of “Of Matilda, war and Peace” [speaking about being bad a title, lol XD] Ups ^^’

Coming soon/Not yet started: ahhh coming soon probably nothing, ehm, but I’ve at least 4 one shots in the making and that I want to finish one day (most of them started months if not a years ago... I’ll list them below), plus the draft for the rest of Better than Fireworks, plus several random missing-moments or AUs ideas and a long Hinny post-war story started few years ago in Italian (roughly 100.000 written) that needs to be heavily rewritten, translated and possibly finished ^^ Same for a shorter bit of a Jily seventh-year story, if we have to say it all...

“Ghost of the past”, a Hinny one shot from Ginny’s pov with a difficult conversation – I’m very fond of this one, but I have to work on the second part/end. The first/main part is finished and even betaed by the amazing @narukoibito! <3

“Of those who stayed”, a silver trio one shot – again from Ginny’s pov – during DH, when they try to steal the sword. I’ve the first (long) chapter done and again, even betaed by the wonderful @floreatcastellumposts but knowing myself I want to finish it first. I might decide that it’s okay like this (in Italian I’ve already posted it a one shot), but since I had a sort of sequel in mind for now it’ll stay in my drafts ;)

“The man who lived” – This one is all in just Italian so far (I’m rewriting an old piece – I’d probably restart it directly in English now); again Ginny’s pov (wow, hadn’t realised it!), again DH, this time since she (in my head canon) realise Harry might have gone to Voldemort during the battle, until the end of the battle

A one shot that’s it’s a series of Hinny snippets about James Sirius Potter coming to life (from the very start). Old one written in Italian and never posted, that a again needs to be finished. Same for a collection of snippets around Hinny’s wedding (but this is “draftier”)

A one shot of Harry and the Potters waling Teddy at King Cross; I’ve just a very little bit of it written + most of the draft, and it would be the sequel of the one shot “What parents would want”

The random Missing Moments that I’ve have in mind are: a conversation between Bill and Ginny in the hospital wing in HBP, plus maybe a bit more from Ginny’s pov in that period (like going back home from Hogwarts); a conversation between Bill and Ron in DH, not sure if during Ron’s first or second stay and Shell Cottage; Hermione finding out about Arthur’s attack; Dumbledore taking Slughorn’s memory (when it happened, how he found out... I’ve several head canon about it!)

The random AUs moments (and I say moments just because I wouldn’t really be interested in writing a whole story, I only imagine few moments of it): Hermione brining Harry at the Burrow at Christmas after Godric’s Hollow, with is locket attached to his chest (I think I stole the idea from Flo’s!); the trio finding Ginny in the cell in Malfoy Manor as well; and some dumb “Lily and James are resurrected post DH” trash XD Oh, also a real muggle AU with Harry as a self-defence coach and Ginny as trainee!

Do you accept prompts? As you can imagine especially in this period I’m not very good at commitment ^^’, but if you have a specific idea and want to give it a try (maybe during the winter holidays?) I’d be honored, if not able to make any promises!

Upcoming works you’re most excited about: definitely “Ghost of the past”!

I’m tagging @ballerinaroy again, @remedial-potions, @thedistantdusk, @thebiwholived and whoever wants to join ^^

EDIT: Ehm I got caught up with the stats when I wrote this and without realizing it I put a multi chapter in the “Most popular one shot” section, lol XD Problem fixed ;)

#tag game #I love doing it! #sorry if I've ignored most of the tag game so far #but it take me like an hour to do this so you can imagine why I have to step back from these kind of things usually XD #I get clearly caught up XD #draft list #wip list #drafts #wips #wip #work in progress

[ariaadagio]

TSSKSF (FEEI) Update

TSSKSF = The Super Secret Kitchen Sink Fic; it was my nickname for this thing when I didn’t have a title.  The context being, my original concept for this fic was INSANE, there was so much shit going on.  It was all that, and the kitchen sink.  I’ve since pared down my original ambitions considerably—and subsequently came up with new ones—but I’m still looking at a 200k 250k word fic, at least.  It’s plot dense.  

FEEI = For Each Ecstatic Instant.  The actual title!  I finally thought of something that resonates with me!  Yay!

No, this isn’t posted anywhere, yet.  I don’t post WIPs if I can help it.  This is just me chatting about my writing process and keeping you all in the loop :)

For those of you who are interested in following along, I’ve been creating a playlist for this story as I’ve written/speculated chapters (each chapter gets one song).  You can listen to it here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4BCGSg4HLWvcPhadFyhywK?si=y9_WwNXRT5GWHhy-c3wcRQ.  It’s moody and broody, and I’m enjoying listening to it when I’m out and about, unrelated to this story :)

So, it would seem my deadline for getting this thing done is August 21, since that’s the 5A airdate!  I think I can do it.  Aside from editing, all I have left to actually write is the ending and denouement.

After a lot of brainstorming with the lovely @thewollfgang​ and @hiromystory​, I’ve been able to pinpoint where I think the narrative structure is failing.  I’ve been editing straight through to smooth out various tonal inconsistencies and narrative threads, and I have the changes for ch 1-20 completely finished.  I’ve shuffled some of the hell chapters around, and split one of them up.  Also, it would seem I need to write another chapter to cram into the story after chapter 20, so I’m working on that right now.  Hoping to finish that up quickly and keep going.  This editing has been amazingly helpful, not just in refreshing my memory about stuff I wrote almost a year ago, but also in getting my creative juices flowing for the final chapters.  My head is swirling with ideas.  I’m actually having that horrible ADHD thing happen where I haven’t slept more than a few hours a night in, like, a week or two, simply because as soon as my head hits the pillow I’m thinking too hard and I can’t calm down.

Speaking of refreshing my memory, I had a bit of a laugh-oops-whoa moment when I saw what I’d written in 2019:

Talk about unfortunately prophetic.

Luckily, Lucifer is supposed to come off horrifically insensitive there, and the horrible reality of 2020 just made him extremely more so.  So ... that actually worked out, and I didn’t chop it.

My betas have all gotten back to me with comments on chapters 35-42.  I’m still waiting to hear back from a couple of them on 43-45.  My plan right now: finish the bonus chapter, keep editing until I catch back up with myself at chapter 45.  I foresee editing the back half of this story taking less time, since it’s more recent and therefore more inline with my current story conceptions.  Once I’ve caught up with myself, then I’ll continue writing on through to ~finis~.  I’ll have my front line beta readers check the final chapters, and I’ll make the necessary adjustments.  Then, I have a couple of people lined up to do a straight through binge read, just to check with fresh eyes that I’ve a) fixed up the issues I spoke about in my last update, b) everything still works, and c) nothing gives unintended squicks.  

And then?  I’ll edit/polish from 1st to final draft as I post.  A bit more of a leap than I usually do (usually I post from 2nd draft to final), but I really just can’t wait anymore :D

I’m super extra hoping to be able to share a little of this before, or at least starting right after 5A airs.  It’s my fervent hope to post this thing during the hiatus between 5A and 5B, which will hopefully force me to take a break and relax, and I can cool my inevitable creative jets until at least the 5B finale ;p 

I know a lot of people have probably lost interest in S4 continuations at this point, and I know this story is going to be a lot harder of a sell because of the niche tropes involved and the considerably darker subject matter.  I will likely be rating this story E, not M, and not just for sex, but various adult themes.  I admit, I’m also a little nervous about being Jossed.  Not in whole, because I sincerely doubt the show writers would ever go in this direction (reference: adult themes, dark subject matter, niche tropes).  But perhaps in part, specifically with how things ultimately unfold with respect to Hell.

But you know what?  Oh well.  Because this story has been a real challenge and learning experience for me to write, and it’s telling a story I felt compelled to tell.  I’m proud of it, no matter what.  

Progress continues.

Cheers!

#lucifer on netflix #aria writes #tssksf #lucifer fanfic #deckerstar

[xmanicpanicx]

AUTHOR INTISAR KHANANI DISCUSSES HER BOOK THORN, GOING FROM INDIE TO TRADITIONAL PUBLISHING, AND WHAT’S NEXT

1) It’s been several years since you self-published the original version of Thorn. What major differences can your oldest fans expect from the new version?

Since being indie published, Thorn has gone through some major revisions—four rounds with my editors at HarperTeen, plus a couple of beta rounds as well. I restructured the middle of the story to improve pacing (and when I say restructure, I mean things like “move a character death up by eight chapters” which completely messes with your story logic and has ramifications that cascade through the rest of the book… yay me taking that on with a bright little smile!). I also delved much more deeply into Princess Alyrra’s point of view, which will hopefully result in a deeper and more emotionally resonant read. The story overall has grown by over 20,000 words!

2) What made you first decide to write Thorn and to model it after the Grimm Brothers’ fairy tale “The Goose Girl”?

I wrote the first draft of Thorn my senior year of university, in large part just to see if I could. I had always wanted to write a novel, so I set myself the challenge to write a chapter a week, and chose a fairy tale I loved as the basis. For unknown reasons, I thought having a plot ready-made would make writing easier. Let’s just say I had a lot to learn (both about fairy tales and writing!).

If you haven’t read it, “The Goose Girl” is a rather strange story about a princess who goes off to marry her betrothed, has her identity stolen by her maid along the way, and happily agrees to be a goose girl upon arrival in her new land. She also has a talking horse (who never tells anyone what happened) and, in the original, can command the wind, though she apparently forgot to use this power to defend herself from the maid.

This story raised a lot of questions for me, about why a princess would walk away from an apparent place of power and privilege, and what power we really have to choose our own fate when it feels like so many of our life decisions have already been decided for us, and what the ramifications are of walking away from one’s life when given the chance. Thorn grew from this into a story that is both dark and whimsical, packed with sorrow and with hope. It’s a tale of betrayal, and injustice, and sorcery, and learning to be strong in who you are and fight for what you understand to be right.

3) You handle a lot of difficult subjects in Thorn: domestic abuse, sexual violence, the motives behind villains’ actions, and, most importantly, what justice really is. How did you take on the challenge of writing about these things, especially something so contentious as justice?

I think it helped a lot that I wrote those first drafts for myself and no one else. It allowed me to engage with big, deep issues without worrying what a reader or publisher would think: it was for me, and a lot of what I wrote about were things I was struggling with myself. To be clear, I am not a victim of abuse or assault, but I am well aware of the impact of such violence on those around me. I was frustrated by YA reads treating these issues as if they could be magically shaken off or recovered from with the snap of one’s fingers. That does a disservice to all of our young people—to those who struggle and cannot shake off the trauma of what has been done to them (because that’s not how that works), and to those around them who can’t understand why they can’t shake off their past as easily as changing their clothes. When I realized that Alyrra was able to walk away from her life at court precisely because it had never granted her true safety despite her apparent rank and privilege, I knew that I would have to write her history of abuse as honestly and compassionately as possible.

With relation to justice—I first drafted Thorn the year of 9/11. I watched my country reel from the terrorist attack, and then turn our anger and firepower against whole other nations, rather than just the terrorist cells at play, making average citizens pay the price for an attack that they in no way caused… I struggled deeply with conceptions of justice, and what justice is without mercy, and the line between justice and revenge when it feels impossible to get justice at all. I don’t think there are any easy answers; like Alyrra, I think we must all continue to struggle to understand what justice looks like in the world around us, and how best to temper it with mercy.

4) If Thorn were to be made into a movie, who would be your dream cast?

Confession: I don’t watch a lot of movies, and I’m absolutely terrible at remembering names and faces in real life, let alone folks whom I only ever see on a screen for a short time (since having kids I have become inherently incapable of following series). But! I actually asked my launch team this question just for fun a few weeks ago, so I’m gonna draw from their suggestions based on how well they seem to mesh with my own ideas. *cough* *cough* That’s totally not cheating, right?

Princess Alyrra, heroine who’d rather just be a goose girl, goes to Jenna Coleman. This is actually a hard pick because Alyrra isn’t beautiful; she’s pleasant. So, honestly, if I knew more actresses, I’d pick someone with more of a girl-next-door look than a Hollywood shine.

Prince Kestrin, all shady and suspicious-like cuz reasons but actually a cinnamon roll at heart, goes to Dev Patel. For Valka, companion to Alyrra and her arch-nemesis, I’d pick Rose Leslie. And I’d choose Tilda Swinton as the Fae sorceress / lady whose look is basically death.

5) At the end of the original Thorn, you have an author’s note stating that you are in the process of writing a companion trilogy to Thorn. Goodreads is also listing Thorn as the first in a series. Can we expect more adventures for Alyrra, Kestrin, and Red Hawk in the future?  

Yes! I just turned in edits on The Theft of Sunlight, the first in a companion duology to Thorn that features a new heroine, Rae. You’ll find a short story featuring her at the back of Thorn titled “The Bone Knife.” (Or you might have been one of those early readers who managed to nab it on it’s own back when it was indie published). Rae’s a fabulous heroine to write, dour and pragmatic, with a wonderfully dry sense of humor, and more than capable of doing whatever is needed to save her friends and her people. She ends up in the capital city, investigating what happens to the children who disappear off the streets across Menaiya. And she most certainly meets up with Alyrra, Kestrin, and a certain street thief or two. I am hoping to write a number of companion novels in this world, so hopefully we’ll continue to catch glimpses of beloved characters over the years to come.

6) Any final comments?

I just wanted to say thank you so much for hosting me on your blog! I hope everyone is staying well, staying home as much as possible, and washing your hands. My previous life was as a public health consultant with the Cincinnati Health Department, and I’m counting on all of you to do your best to keep everyone around us well. 😉 Take care!

Thanks, Intisar! We can’t wait for your next book. 🙂

#ya fiction #ya fantasy #2020 releases #indie authors #intisar khanani

[sansanficrec]

Q&A  with ladytp

Grab a glass of wine and get to know @ladytp!

How long have you been writing fanfiction?

I actually went back to the folder of my first posted fanfic, and it was almost 6.5 years ago, September 2012… That was my first ever creative work I wrote as well, as I started quite late – being already adult, established professional and all that. So never too late to start, one doesn’t have to have grown up writing!

Did you write before that?

No I didn't - unless scientific publications are counted as 'creative' writing (well, to be honest, sometimes there was an element of creativity when trying to make one's data make sense, LOL!)

How long ago did you join Tumblr?

To be precise (as I like to be!) I joined March 1st 2013 – so almost six years ago… But it took me four months to make my first post (an awesome music video about ASOIAF and GoT), being initially a ‘lurker’ to observe and learn. I migrated there from Livejournal when things started to quiet down there – like a moth I was drawn to bright lights, moving images, and more of my fandom content!

What is the meaning behind your username?

My username is from the Livejournal times as well, as when I joined it, I didn’t grasp the significance of one’s url or username and just picked the first one that came to mind when filling in the details: “lady” and my initials. D’oh! Luckily I have been able to successfully have the same name in other platforms as well, which is great – it is easier than have many different names. I am also glad that it is not fandom specific, as my interests are many and varied…

What was your first fandom? First pairing?

Definitively ASOIAF – that was my introduction to the whole cultural phenomenon of ‘fandom’, devouring fics and joining communities (yeah, I am so far behind of everyone else – I used to have a life, LOL!). Sansan was my first ship, but I also had a brief period when I was very interested in Daenerys and Jorah (this was before I saw the show). Even though the show had a big negative impact on Sansan experience for me (not due to Rory, I hasten to add – but the storylines), it has still stayed my OTP in a sense that I feel most comfortable about writing them and their dynamic still fascinates me above anything else.

How/when did you first notice (or start to ship) Sansan?

My story is very typical; first reading their interactions after the Hand’s Tourney, then the scene of the Battle of the Blackwater – and I was hooked. Googling and finding fics, Livejournal communities and all the metas…no getting back from there! I mean; it is so blatantly obvious that I wonder who can read the books and NOT get the vibes??

Is there a SanSan fic you’re particularly proud of?  Chapter? Paragraph?  Plot?

Hmmm…’Which one of your children you love the best?’, in other words – always a difficult question! I guess I am still the proudest of “The Triangle”  It was one of my early fics, it was a long-fic, and it was about the subject I had been fascinated with for years and years; the complicated Arthurian relationship between 3 people who loved each other for different reasons (Arthur, Guinevere and Lancelot in the original, Sandor, Sansa and Jaime in the fic). Chapter-wise I am very happy with the last chapter of the “Kiss of the Blade”, as hard as it may be for some due to the character death implied. It has melancholy but also beauty, I thought when I wrote it. Plot-wise I am excited and happy about my current WIP “This Time, We’ll Do Better”, as although it has some common trope elements, I think they have somewhat cool applications and it is nice to write something more plot-orientated for a change!

Any comments you’ve received that stick out, even now?

I have to admit that again, “The Triangle” inspired some absolutely wonderful comments, probably because of its unusual premise. Towards the end, and especially with people who had read it in one go long after it had been completed, there were some wonderful convos going back and forth. I especially enjoyed the ones where people either told that they had had some reservations starting it, but then ended up really enjoying the fic, or the ones where they might have had some queries and doubts and questions, leading to a mutually fruitful and eye-opening discussions on both sides. Those conversations really blew my mind!

Do you use a beta?

I have had the privilege of working with two wonderful betas, of which I am eternally grateful. The first one was wildskysheri / wildsky, whom I “met” via Livejournal, and who betaed for me for “The Triangle”, “A Chance Encounter” and “A Premediated Reunion”.  She taught me – a non-native English speaker/writer – so much about writing and what to pay attention to and what to look out for. I owe her so much! After our ways parted amicably as she moved on to other things, I was without beta for a long time, not really actively looking for one, but when my path crossed with the lovely @hardlyfatal, I have once again had the pleasure of getting my words scrutinised by someone knowledgeable, making them better on “This Time, We’ll Do Better”. I honestly can’t speak highly enough for a beta who can make any writer and fic so much better!

Are there tropes/styles/genres you struggle with?  Any that are almost too easy?

I do struggle a bit writing babies and children, and hence haven’t written much about them… I don’t generally care for modern AUs either and would struggle to write a full story in a modern times – although who knows, maybe in a right setting, replicating the high stakes situation of the canon, it could work. Haven’t tried so can’t say for sure! Very fluffy genre is also something I don’t feel particularly comfortable with, nor anything where the characters are very young. And porn without plot is neither a genre I relish. The most comfortable genres for me are the slow-burns, where mature people interact with each other in a mature way (whatever that means…). First realisations of feelings, hesitancy, and all that. I also do like plot-driven stories that have a start, middle and ending. I am all open for fake marriage, bed-sharing, ‘there was only one room at the inn’ kind of genres – any kind of ‘forced’ situations where the characters are obliged to spend time together!

When you start a fic, do you know where it will end?  Or do you figure it out along the way?

There have been fics along both scenarios – some were started at the spur of the moment, with only vague ideas of where and how far they would go (”The Prophecy” comes to mind, which I started as a random holiday scribbling – and repeatedly apologised and updated my chapter number as it grew and grew and grew…). And there were the ones where even at the end I couldn’t decide what the ending should be, so I wrote two (for example “Past Was Such A Long Time Ago“). But for most I would have some idea about the ending at the start, and for some I would gain it somewhere early along the way. So yeah, it varies!

Do you have any rituals/conditions for ‘getting in the mood’ to write?

I mostly write over the weekends when I have more time, after getting up and having breakfast, reading my emails and checking on Tumblr and doing all the routine stuff one does – and then I open my doc and start writing… With my internet radio blasting on the background on some jazz or lounge or classic channel. I find it hard to write during the weeks after getting back from work and being distracted by mundane home things and TV and such.

Have you ever had writer’s block?  Any tips for overcoming it?

I did have a period well over a year ago when I felt I had ‘lost my mojo’. It was largely to do with the way the Game of Thrones show had progressed and changed the characters so much that I couldn’t recognise them anymore, and my initial inspiration of writing about them consequently suffered. Especially as the show canon started to take over the original book canon so strongly in many platforms, including fics. The way I got over it was to distance myself from the show and partly, unfortunately, also from the fandom (so largely focused on show). I had a nice break, didn’t read many fics, focused on books and generally took a step back. Then I challenged myself to write a new type of story, a plot-focused ‘action & adventure’ story instead of romance focused only. That inspired me to write again, and I have been riding on that inspirational wave ever since with my latest long-fic WIP!

Aspirations of publishing one day?

No, not really. It is a tough world out there, especially as writing has become more reachable to many people who previously might not have even considered it (yay, fanfic and other forms of creative writing and platforms encouraging it!), and publishing world is awash with submissions and self-published stories alike. Although I don’t know for sure, I suspect that wanting to become published would take much more effort and determination and will than what I have for now, as for me this is a lovely hobby, nothing more.

What are your other hobbies?

My absolutely biggest hobbies are food and wine. I have loved cooking, eating and learning about food and wine for most of my life and it’s really important for me. Cooking meals ‘from the scratch’ from their base ingredient is what I love, as well as learning to master new techniques, new cuisines and difficult recipes. When I travel, food is one of the main drivers for that too, and holidays are largely built around restaurants, regions, cuisines and wineries. Holidaying in wine regions and wine tasting is the favourite kind of holiday! Yet I also love everyday cooking – the beauty of this as a hobby is that I get to do it every day and can challenge myself, be inspired by it and practice it all the time!

As for other hobbies…not really… I follow the transformative artform that is WWE, especially Dean Ambrose, and love visiting historical sites and reading about history, but that can hardly be called an active hobby… I also make some photo and video edits for fun, but lately my writing has taken much of the time I used to dedicate to that. Yet I feel that what I have is enough – I have no desires for an active life with lots of different hobbies and activities.

Any tips for writers looking to post their first (or second, or twentieth) fic?

I hope this doesn’t sound too harsh, but it would be really cool if even those who write only for ‘shits and giggles’ would do some basic formatting and language checks… Things like how to indicate dialogue, spacing between paragraphs and when to apply them, and of course, basic grammar. There are nowadays so many websites advising about those things, as well as free tools (for example Grammarly), that they are accessible to every person with access to sites posting their stuff – and a simple Google search is your best friend. I recommend this because ignoring those things may easily drown even the most amazing story in these times of fic over-abundance.

Other than that, write the stories you would like to read yourself, and the scenarios you would like to see in the canon. Study the writing style of the writers whose stories you admire and see if you could pick up a trick or two from them (but not plagiarizing, naturally). And if you can, get a beta – it is not absolutely necessary, but would give you a second opinion and advice from a trusted person. Oh, and give yourself a break between writing and final editing – ideally have a buffer of chapters in a draft phase before starting to post, so whenever you write something new, you can afford to let it rest for a while before getting back to it with fresh eyes. And have fun!

Anything you’d like to say to writers in general?

Don’t get hung up on statistics or comparisons. Think why you are writing – is it because everyone does it and you feel you should too, or because you truly enjoy it, or because of the stories themselves, or because you have an internal urge to do it, or it is part of your social networking activities… all are valid reasons, but once you define what they are for you, the easier it is to focus on it and the satisfaction it gives to you.

Anything you’d like to say to readers in general?

If you like a fic, don’t be shy about commenting, as it truly means so much to the writers… Even simplest comment is gratefully received. If you feel like wanting to pass on constructive criticism, first ensure the writer welcomes it, then formulate it in the politest possible way with positivism thrown in as well (and of course, make sure it is actually constructive). Marvel the choices and abundance of fic availability and acknowledge what a joy it is to live in this time and age when all that is possible. Enjoy!

Anything you’d like to say to the SanSan fandom in general?

Do not give up hope – Game of Thrones is over soon and we can get back to canon content, hopefully soon with The Winds of Winter. Whatever the further story of Sandor and Sansa is there, we know how important it has been already and nothing can take that away!

Read LadyTP’s SanSan here!

Read LadyTP’s full library here!

#sansan fic recs #Q&A #ladytp #sansan

[empathicstars]

How to make such a well rounded OC with so much canon character interaction?

   Over the last few weeks, I’ve received this question, and questions like this, a lot. As in, at least fifteen times “a lot”. And I’ve never been quite sure how to answer, because roleplay -- writing in general, but especially with other people -- is a very personal experience. It’s very ingrained in not only who you are as a person, but who your character is, as well. Things that work for me, Serena, may not work for you, Anon, because we may not be the same person, write the same characters, in the same fandoms, in the same way. Things that would be genuine and right for you to do would make no sense for me to do, and vice versa. Some people have great success hopping on every now and again, formatting no replies, and focusing on a few select partners. Others have great success spending hours formatting everything, spending a lot of time on aesthetics, and talking to a lot of people. It’s really unique to who you are as an individual. From blog to blog, I even run things differently. So I’ll attempt to answer this ask ( that I received about fifteen years ago ) as well as I possibly can.  

   First of all, I want to say thank you! Because I believe this is meant to be a compliment. You said she’s well-rounded, and I know many people on this website quantify “success” with “canon character interaction,” so I thank you for thinking Aella’s a good character and is successful. That’s not ever personally been my goal, however, but more on that later. 

   I’ll start with the well-rounded OC portion. As I’m sure most of the people who follow me know, I’ve been writing Aella consistently on Tumblr for about 5 years. She’s very well-developed to Star Trek, but you may or may not notice she doesn’t have a lot of other verses, because, uh... she’s very well-developed to Star Trek. I’ve read the Memory Alpha and Beta pages for Vulcan and Betazed about 90 billion times in order to get context for the world. I watch Star Trek almost daily in order to get context for my world. Though I’ve always been a believer of Nature over Nurture, a lot of where I got my cues was from knowing her world and her context very, very closely. I spent a lot of time asking myself in-depth character questions, imagining her in different situations. I wrote drabbles, I got to know her. No one knows my girl better than I do. And that’s true for every muse and their mun. I learned and memorized how she was in every year of her life, found out how much or how little would change. It did take time, though. Quite... a bit of time. I used to write a three+ paragraph starter for every single follower. ( I was brand new to Tumblr, I didn’t know what I was doing, I was too soft and silly. ) That may have helped me kick-start it.

   Now... the canon character question. As interaction with canon characters has never been my goal, I can’t really give you an answer. This differs from fandom to fandom on such a wild basis. The Star Trek community, as a whole, is very good, very welcoming, and very open, so I’ve had great fortune here, but it did take a long time. It took years to gather interest in Aella, but I never felt... slighted, if that makes any sense? I never quantified success in how many people followed me, how many interactions I had, but rather, the stories I wrote. And I think, perhaps, my focus on telling good stories and having fun on here may come through to others, hence my “popularity”. If my starters went unanswered, I wasn’t bitter. If people didn’t follow me back, I didn’t care. I unfollowed people, I reached out to more. I found people who wanted to be friends -- I never made people who didn’t want to be my friends my friends. 

   Since I can’t answer canon character, I’ll answer this as though you said interactions in general. Personally? I just keep my focus clear. I’m here to have fun, write good stories, and spread positivity! So that’s what I do. Every time I’m on the dash and I see an ooc post from someone, I leave a nice comment. I always send in character building memes that someone reblogs. I always observe reblog karma. I offer to do things on people’s wishlists. I welcome people to the fandom. I send nice messages, I ask for Discords. I plot a lot. I reach out to people a lot. And if they ignore me, if they reject me, if they say nothing, I let it go. I don’t think about it. I could not tell you, right now, how many people I have following me, or how many people I’m following. I genuinely have no idea. And I don’t... care, as rude as that may sound? Because that’s not my goal. That’s not my focus. That’s not why I’m here. 

   Listen, I understand how hard it is to have no one interested in your character, be it canon or original character. For two years, I wrote Aella exclusively with two people, and they both ceased being my friends and left Tumblr RP. I wrote three canon characters in a Disney group that fell apart, and I lost every single one of those friends I had spent hours, nights, years with. I wrote an original Disney character that had less than ten threads in the year I wrote him. For years, the only one who wrote with Willow was my husband, and then he left Tumblr RP. I’ve spent genuine, literal years reblogging memes, making starter calls, reaching out to people, and being completely ignored. So I get it. I get how hard it is to feel alone, to feel like you have no friends. I get how it is to do your best and have it not be enough. 

   The difference, I guess? I found things to celebrate rather than belabor. My two friends left Tumblr RP? Fine, reboot Aella -- yay, I finally get a chance to do my tags right! My Disney group fell apart? Fine, change the blogs to independent -- yes, I can finally follow that cool Indie blog I wanted to write with but couldn’t while I was in the group! No one’s writing with Willow? Reboot her, start following people like wild -- yay, I get to reintroduce her, I get to make so many things up myself, this is great! I specifically aim to make my dash a safe place. I unfollow blogs that don’t want to interact with me or upset me to see. I backlist tags I don’t like. I just make my dash safe and inviting and fun for me. Tumblr isn’t a hellsite if you don’t let it be one. There are a lot of wonderful people on this site to interact with. Like anything, you just have to avoid what’s going to be harmful and bad for you.

   Remember, this is a hobby! You’re supposed to have fun! 

   To close, I’ll leave some tips that help me, personally connect with other people, and I’ve noticed have given me great assistance in forging writing relationships with others. Again, I can only speak from my personal experience. What works for Serena may not work for you. Do what’s authentic to you! 

Making headcanon posts, often!

Not being passive aggressive or making fun of others on the dash.

Attitude of gratitude! 

Offering to do starters for others!

Being genuinely, truly interested in other people’s characters, stories, or lives. Be the kind of partner you’re looking for! 

Being forgiving and not taking things too seriously.

Checking up on others and making investments into the muns as muns.

On that note, prioritizing mun over muse! Your reply is less important than someone else’s wellbeing. 

Making sure to match length and effort as much as possible! 

Not putting others on a pedestal or belittling others for their success. 

   I wish you well on your journey, and please remember to have fun. Find out what you want ( e.g. do you want a lot of partners or just a few, a lot of stories or a few, a lot of AUs or... you get the point ) and focus on it, and move on from what’s not working. Be safe, love you! 

#( about the mun. ) #( out of language. ) #( by these hands. ) #long post for ts #( comm. ) #( unidentified transmitter. ) #ok to reblog #[ IF NOTHING ELSE??? i found out i've been mistagging my anon tag for like.... solid ass months so..... #learning did happen here in this day ]

[cloning-misadventures]

Passion project part two

 I’m going to college. 

I’m terrified and excited at the same time.

This January I tried to start up my comics. I didn’t have an official facebook page, I just used my personal facebook page. I didn’t have any idea how this would be a bad idea. After a while, I figured out that EVERYBODY could see my comics.  I was minding my own business when a friend of mine and I where roleplaying  and she had another character tease her because “My art was better than hers”

I didn’t post anything on my facebook page after that. I get nervous when I post stuff on the internet. It gets awkward when my friends look at my stuff.

I didn’t start drawing comics until March. 

The original comics I did write was fanfiction. It was based on my favorite bands. I went back to my original idea of the cloning John Lennon. Around this part, I was developing Billy as a character. I had this idea of satirizing “Atypical” but with animals. 

My parents loved the show, but I slightly disliked it. 

I tried writing the Badger character in January, but I thought about quitting when I started writing about how I felt about Badgers being culled. I grew concerned that I might be becoming brainwashed, and I nixed the original idea for writing about autistic badgers.  Meanwhile:

ADULTING IS FUN!!!!

Yay! Paying Bills!

Drama!

DRAMA on the Internet!

AVENGERS!!!

BADGERS

PEWDIE PIE!

WATCHING TV!

EVEN MORE DRAMA!

In short: Badgers get hunted in England because the government thinks they might be spreading bovine TB.

I got a liiiittle worried that I was not sharing my own ideas about animals. 

I don’t know how to feel about this. I might say some stupid things sometimes, and I became confused when I was writing the original arc. I didn’t know what I was getting into. I didn’t know about the gray area of animal rights and I hope that I don’t come off as too preachy. I think that's what happened when I was writing about my fan art. I felt like I was trying to please everyone when I was in a stressful place.

The idea for Izzy came from the ghosts of the WWI era. It was the first time I experimented with something from a hundred years ago. It was fun experimenting with a character who wears several layers of dresses and a bow in her hair.

Experimenting with Joanne and Izzy was almost a false start. In April, I was still trying to animate frames with a sketchbook. I  used spare sketchbooks to time each of my frames. I used the drawings I wrote in my Freshman year as the basis of my animations.

Joanne came is from the song “Joanne” by Lady gaga.  @the-world-of-the-bestiary started off writing her novel, and I had the opportunity to beta read “The Bestiary”.

I’d recommend “The Besitary”. I think the novel might have inspired “cloning misadventures”, but I don’t know why or how. The funny thing is, I managed to contact the author about volunteering about reading while accidentally using  my side blog. So when I came up, the icon of a moose showed up. 

I made some concept art of Joanne turning into a horse. At this point, I was using charcoal as the fur. When spring rolled around I began to sketch ideas for the transformation sequence. When I went home I pulled out my charcoal box.

I used tracing paper on top of my paper. Using charcoal was somehow satisfying because it got everywhere. I like using dark slabs of charcoal because you can spread it on your desk. It got on my face and arms.  The charcoals hard to wash off though.

I decided to draw my own comics because I was a little tired off ripping my old notebook paper to shreds. Some of my old fanfiction is on sketch paper, and even then, the notebook paper outnumbered the sketchbooks.

I practiced the ideas. I didn’t transfer to sketchbook until later this summer.

You know what? 

Screw it.

In April, My friend lost her dad. I was sleep deprived. I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning. I stayed awake by blasting MCR. 

In case, you don’t know, MCR stands for “My Chemical Romance”.

 my first arc was based off my sleep deprived state, my fears of becoming an adult, The Black Parade album, and “the curious case of Benjamin Button”. It was also my reaction to my friend grieving.

The first arc wasn’t my greatest. It isn’t on my blog. In the original arc, Izzy and Bill traveled around the country. Billy met his favorite idol and ended up in prison. we saw Billy trying to understand his world. While this was happening I went to the Pride Parade. 

I beta read “The Bestiary”.

I entered a world full of magic and I criticized and highlighted paragraphs. I downloaded it as a PDF (which in hindsight was a mistake). I read it in a month. I reread it and I loved it. 

I have been busy with college application and reserving seats. I have been through orientation and I have taken tests to get myself into classes.

It’s going to get very chaotic these coming days. 

Heres a  badger.

#essay #sketchpad #lady gaga #pewdiepie #badger #fanficition #the world of the bestiary #I'm tireed

[real-life-sucks-ass]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

*All answers should be about works published in 2017.

I’ve been tagged by @inrainbowz! Thanks for giving me an occasion to blab about my writing to the world :D

1. List of works published this year:

So, according to AO3 I wrote 224132 words in 2017. But tbh I’ve not been very productive, I only wrote a few chapters for two WIP (still unfinished) and a single one-shot. The rest is the exact same stuff, but translated into english. Take a look:

One Video Man (One Vidéo Man in french): This is a Youtube!AU fic for the One Punch Man fandom. I had this stupid idea about a AU where everyone is human, in our world, and every character runs a Youtube channel. That’s all. I just describe videos so the reader feels like they’re watching this on Youtube. I have no plan, no scenario, no nothing. But the thing is, I encourage my readers to post fake Youtube comments for the characters to answer, and to give me some ideas about what should happen next and what kind of video I should write. So yeah, it’s kind of a fun experience, and I like trying new stuff and interact with my readers (I did something a bit like this for a spn fic a few years ago). But I’m so slow at updating, my readers are dying with frustration lol.

Albion’s last bulwark (Le dernier rempart d’Albion in french): This is a BBC Merlin fic, and actually it is a sequel for my fic Le dernier souffle de Kilgharrah I have yet to translate into english. It can be read separately, though. It is a resurrection fic in Arthur’s point of view. He comes back to life in our world today and realize he’s lost his kingdom, his wife, everything, and Merlin looks like an old man and is obviously not so happy about his return. I wanted them to struggle to get their relation back. I wanted Arthur to feel lost and alone. This fic is filled with angst and is merthur. I still have about 5 chapters to write & translate to complete it.

A cheap spell (Un sort au rabais in french): I wrote this short Merthur OS just for funsies and I also made a drawing here. Basically Arthur went missing and everyone is worried sick (especially Merlin) and looking for him everywhere... but Arthur is right there under their noses, only turned into a toad and frustrated because no one recognizes him. Well it’s not much, but it was fun to write.

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Definitely Albion’s last bulwark (Le dernier rempart d’Albion in french). You have no idea. This fic is my precious, my everything. I’m pouring my whole soul in it. I could talk about it all day. This is the fic that made me want to get better in english just so I could translate it at some point.

Why? Because CloudFactory and I have been thinking about it for years before I even started writing it. I do all the writing, but we made out the story together, we thought every little detail through, and she’s my betareader both in french and in english. Because we worked hard to get the characterization right. Because I had been dying to read a resurrection fic in which Merlin has been deeply changed by centuries of living in a changing world, so I decided to write it myself. I wanted a Merlin who went through some rough stuff that had nothing to do with Arthur at all. I wanted a Merlin living like an hermit, but not because he’s waiting for Arthur to return, but for a totally different reason. Because I wanted Arthur to grieve for Camelot, for Gwen, for his past life. Because I wanted Arthur to return for a very serious reason, because Albion truly is in danger. Also, because dragons. In this fic, Merlin has a bunch of dragons, including a baby one, I love writing them.

So yeah, I’m so fucking proud of this fic and I will cry tears of pure joy once I complete it.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Well I’m kinda proud of everything I wrote in 2017, but if I really have to pick one, I’d say A cheap spell (Un sort au rabais in french) because, well, I wrote it quickly and I felt the merthur was bit rushed and OOC. But that’s because I’m the kind of author who usually needs at least 10 chapters to bring some romance, so... Also, writing crack is fun, but I’m way better at writing angst.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing: Okay so I’ll follow @inrainbowz‘s example and show one in french first, then one in english. But only for my fic Albion’s last bulwark (Le dernier rempart d’Albion in french), because yup, I’m really really proud of it.

Voilà un petit extrait en français, du dernier chapitre en date pour Le dernier rempart d’Albion :

- Et nous nous sommes rencontrés ?

Freya esquissa un pâle sourire qu’Arthur n’aurait su qualifier d’amusé ou triste.

 - Oui. Tu es celui qui m’as tuée.

Arthur eut une inspiration de surprise et ses yeux s’écarquillèrent.

- Quoi ?

 - Laisse-moi te rafraîchir la mémoire…

Lorsqu’une main creva la surface du lac, suivie d’un poignet gracile et d’un bras nu, Arthur se recula vivement et tomba assis, le souffle coupé. Le reflet de Freya soulevait la nappe d’eau et sa tête émergea à son tour, ses cheveux ruisselant sur son visage, ses épaules et sa poitrine à peine couvertes d’une robe en lambeaux. Le cœur battant à tout rompre, Arthur déglutit et s’efforça de rester calme et de ne pas dégainer Excalibur face à ce spectacle aussi terrifiant qu’époustouflant. Car ce corps qui avait surgi jusqu’à la taille et se penchait à présent sur lui la main tendue, il était translucide, uniquement composé d’eau.

And now another one, in english this time:

Merlin steadied his stance and turned a dark and hateful glare at Arthur. His cheeks seemed hollower and his cheekbones sharper now that he had turned back to his young self. The look on his face was frightening, full of rage.

"Merlin, pull yourself back together!" Arthur ordered, striding right to him. "Don't make me knock you out!"

There was a heavy aura surrounding Merlin when he raised an open hand toward Arthur.

Everything happened very fast. The shock wave that hit him threw him back with a staggering blow, tearing his feet away from the ground. He crashed into the glass doors, smashing them to pieces, and pain flared in his back. He might have lost consciousness for a few seconds. When he opened his eyes again, he was lying on the concrete strewn with sharp glass fragments and the wounds on his back had reopened, soaking his t-shirt with blood.

He cut his palms on the shards trying to get up, but he clenched his teeth and ignored the pain. There would be plenty of time to worry later about how dizzy he felt and his vision starting to blur. For now, the urgency was Merlin.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

Okay so I had never once received a comment on AO3 for my fic Le dernier rempart d’Albion because well, french readers are pretty rare on this website and most of them prefer to read in english anyway. And when I started translating it into english, I got a very enthusiastic comment of someone who loved it. And she wanted to know what happened next so bad, she couldn’t wait for me to translate, so she went and read the next chapters in french, even though her french was rusty and she couldn’t understand everything. I had never been so happy reading a comment. That someone enjoyed the story so much they made the effort to read it in french... Yeah, this made my whole year :D And she still reads both the french version and english translation, waiting for each new chapter. Best reader ever. I love her. <3

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

From august to december, biggest writing block ever. I had no motivation, no inspiration, no energy and I think it had to do with work and real life being crazy, but also because CloudFactory was very busy, so I had no cheerleader to force me to write lol.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Probably ever character in One Video Man? I control nothing in this fic, I just get carried away by my readers’ ideas and the inspiration of the moment.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I think I started to understand that I should not be so hard on myself. I’m a perfectionist, so sometimes it blocks my writing when I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself to get it perfect on the first draft. I think I made a lot of progress in descriptions too.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I hope I’ll be able to write faster and to stop procrastinating. I need to use less adjectives too.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

CloudFactory ( @less-life-and-more-dream ) and Jackallh ( @geek-trough-time-and-space ) are the best. I just have to chat with them about my fics, and yay! Ideas! Inspiration! Motivation! Also tumblr and the Merlin fandom inspire me every day new ideas :p

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

When Merlin brings Arthur in London, I used some real life experience, since I’ve been in London for my 30 years birthday with @less-life-and-more-dream, @geek-trough-time-and-space and @dupond-and-dupont. The fish n’ chips I described in the fic, also Hyde’s park and its geese, all came from my happy memories :D

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Don’t thrive for perfection. Just do your best, and even if you hate it, you can still edit later. You WILL get better by writing, it’s a slow process, but for this to happen you have to write.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

First, I have to complete Albion’s last bulwark and One Video Man, both in french and english. Also in a few months I’ll post my translation in english for Albion’s last bulwark’s prequel: Le dernier souffle de Kilgharrah. Then, I plan to write a prequel to Le dernier souffle de Kilgharrah, about the days, months and years just after Arthur died. The whole story will be a trilogy in the end! :D

I consider taking back one of my old abandoned WIP too (I have a Supernatural fic and a Whitechapel ITV fic uncompleted), but I’m not sure I’ll have the time for it. I have AT LEAST three other Merlin fanfics I really reaaaaaally want to write.

14. Tag five writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read.

@creepywonderland-pony @dupond-and-dupont @andersandrew @istadris @always-keep-writing and whoever wants to do this!

#fanfiction #writing is hard #about me #bbc merlin #one punch man

[heartofoshun]

Writers and readers meme

I got tagged by @dawnfelagund and @nimium-amatrix-ingenii-sui! Thank you! ^_^

1) How many works in progress do you currently have?

I have one original novel (I call it my Mexico book) it was a memoir/travel book at first. But I realized that I could tell more of the truth about my experiences if I presented it has fiction. OMG! Started it at least 13 or 14 years ago and work in it for a couple of days every year. I wish I could just plow through it and get it finished. I even had an agent for it once, but her mother got sick and she dumped me! That took away a lot my original impetus.

Fanfiction? I am scandalous about accumulating WIP. I haven’t abandoned any of those--some have a lot of work in them--like from over 20,000 words to 150,000 and those are the long ones. I have bunch in the 5,000-20,000-word range. I try to finish at least one of those on the back burner a year. Meanwhile, I write in the neighborhood of 30-100,000 finished pieces a year.

2) Do you/would you write fanfiction?

Really a lot and really a lot of fandom-related non-fiction. I have 715,511 words on AO3  (Oshun) and 106 fanfic stories (oshun) on the Silmarillion Writers Guild and 87 character biographies.  

3) Do you prefer paper books or ebooks?

I’ve always loved the touch and weight of books! But now, due to vision problems, I can really only read ebooks for pleasure. Still occasionally use paper books for research, but it kills me. (Pet peeve online is a website and or a blog with pages that are illegible/unzoomable--automatic exclusion of me! So sad, but usually I get mad. I hate to feel left out.) Twenty years ago I would have been at this point in my degenerative state limited to audio books and unable to write at all without a private secretary! Yay, for technology!

4) When did you start writing?

I wrote a piece of fanfiction--a rip off of Edgar Allen Poe when I was about seven or eight. My big brother read it aloud to my whole family, laughing like a hyena! I wrote a fanfic play based on the first chapter of Little Women and staged it with my younger brother, sisters, and a cousin in our living room when I was 10 or 11 years old. The acting was terrible, but the costumes were great! (Beth was my chunky, red-cheeked cousin. I was scrambling to cast that part. She wasn’t pretty enough in my mean little heart to be Amy and my youngest sister was and had golden curls. Would you be surprised to discover I cast myself as Jo?)

5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with?

I have always had close fandom friends with whom I have shared by work before publishing, although I will do without a Beta if it becomes a nuisance to find one. (If you look at my stories, I always have given credit to anyone who has read my drafts.) Currently, @dawnfelagund occasionally reads my fiction drafts and goes over virtually all of my non-fiction. For over 12 years or so, @ignoblebard has probably Beta-read 90% of my fanfic. My two sisters closest in age to me read all of my non-fannish writing and my daughter reads a lot of it also.

6) Where is your favorite place to write?

On a desktop with a great big screen at my writing desk in my bedroom. (The vision problem again.)

7) Favorite childhood book?

OMG! There were so many! Little Women was one (actually everything by Louisa May Alcott), the Lamb’s Tales from Shakespeare (countless times), a bunch of Arthurian legend books (none of the really good ones were available to me), Pinrod and Sam by Booth Tarkington, and Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott, I was addicted to Jane Austen. I read a lot of history and historical fiction also (enough Anne Boleyn fiction to gag a maggot!). I started reading adult books at about 8 or 9. My parents did not censor books and the house was overflowing with everything from all of the classics to mysteries, everything but romance novels--actually those were forbidden.

8) Writing for fun or publication?

Both. Mostly for myself over the last ten years (ha! I called it teaching myself to write fiction!). Most of my adult life I’ve made a living doing some sort of writing or editing--everything from translating and writing for a wire service to working at newspapers to freelance journalism, to copy-checking for law firms.

9) Pen and paper or computer?

Computer. I hate to write by hand, although I have a good hand. But it’s double the work to type what one has written out of a legal pad or notebook. And now my eyes would kill me! (I do carry a tiny notebook for ideas or notes at a public event.)

10) Have you ever taken any writing classes?

I majored in English lit. We churned out papers back in my day like we were being paid by the page--copious amounts of copy and generally pretty thoroughly pulled to pieces by our professors. (It’s kind of made me a rebel. I get a huge kick out of breaking writing rules.) I was raised on Strunk and White, however, which I still consult when something worries me.

11) What inspires you to write?

People? Ruminating about what makes people tick? My fanfic, for example, is character-centered. I love to tear apart Tolkien’s characters and put them back together in a manner that is satisfying to me--human, emotional, flawed, likeable, complicated, funny, and sometimes ridiculous, while being tragic. Plotty stories can be OK, but I used to say that most of the action in my fics takes place inside of my characters’ heads. I also like examining political, cultural, and historical motivations in fanfiction. Setting is important to me also. And I can write a love story between two people that is packed with family interactions. (I came from a huge family.)

Who wants to be tagged?? I tag you people all the time and probably tag the wrong ones! Please answer these questions if you want and tag me so I can read your answers!

#@dawnfelagund #writing #reading #books #me as a writer #@nimium-amatrix-ingenii-sui

[barduil]

So… I have to get this out of my chest, and I’m going to be honest about it. Sorry, it got pretty long. 

I’ve worked on Forgotten Roads for over two years. It’s a fic that means a lot to me, that has been building in my mind for a long time. A bit more than a year ago, I finally started publishing it.

For a while, I got at least 10 comments per chapter. Which, let’s say it, is a pretty darn amazing average number, and I couldn’t be happier and thankful that my dear story got so much attention!

But then came the 5th chapter. It didn’t go very well at all compared to before, so I panicked a bit. Okay, a lot. Because it got 2 comments. Two when I was used to get at least ten. Ten days later, still nothing. I made a post on Tumblr saying that wow, what went wrong, I’m heartbroken, and no comments meant I wasn’t willing to continue because obviously pretty much no one cared anymore. Surprise, I got a bunch of comments in the next few hours (some from the same person I believe but anyway.) Of course I kept going, because I loved the story too much, and hey, maybe it was just the low chapter fics usually go through.

The next one, I got 9 comments, which is below what I was used to, but so I didn’t worry about it at all, because 9 comments is amazing and after the previous one it was really a lot, so I thought things were going up again!

But then, again, came the next chapter. The next chapter was a bit special. It was the chapter I’d been most looking forward to write, playing the scenes in my head over and over again over the past year, so I was extremely excited to share it. Naively, I thought that leaving my usual “please leave a comment if you liked this chapter, it means a lot to me” or the like wasn’t necessary because people would react to what happened in the chapter, right? They remembered how upset I was when no one commented, right? Well no they didn’t. The hits kept rising and rising, I even got a few new Kudos, but I was stuck at ONE comment for two days. You have to know that usually, you get most comments in the first three or four days because for some reason after that many readers think commenting is not worth it anymore (which isn’t true, it’s never too late to comment) or I don’t know. So before three days went by I edited my end notes and begged the next readers to comment. Surprise surprise, I got comments over the next days.

Next chapter, I was two months late because of my Big Bang. So, expecting everyone to be gone, I anticipated and once again I begged for people to comment, because it had been a while and I needed to know they were still there to carry on. And, thankfully, people commented! So I was relieved, they were still there, I could keep on giving this fic my time and my love and my sweat.

Which brings us to the latest chapter. And I’m sorry for the spoiler for those who maybe meant to read it, but this needs context. In fics, there’s usually a little (or big) peak of comments when the characters kiss for the first time, particularly if it’s a slow burn. Because hey, that’s what readers have been waiting for, right? So, thinking my begging in the previous chapter fresh in people’s mind, and knowing people usually comment on such chapters, I went back to my usual end notes. 

What. A. Mistake. 

Because despite all of the troubles with the previous chapters, despite some readers who commented on every chapter not reading anymore, I still got at least ten comments on those in the end, I guess mostly thanks to my begging.

But for the latest one, I got 5. It’s been almost three weeks now, so yeah. Five. I’m going to tell it straight away: I’m heartbroken. I’m upset and bitter and heartbroken. This chapter meant a lot to me. On top of their first kiss, which I worked hard to make worth the wait (over a year and almost 50k words! hell, I made a post about how I was writing it once, and got a bunch of notes on it which like, never happens on posts about my writing progress!) there was also a scene that I cared deeply about. So, seeing only half the number of comments that I usually get, on a chapter that was so important to me and that was supposed to get a bit more than usual because of its content, well, it did break my heart and it still hurts today.

It’s been three weeks, so I don’t expect any new comments until the next chapter. But will there be a next chapter? You know, I was so convinced this chapter would do well, I was so excited to share it, that it gave me the push to write the next one in just a few days. I thought “yay, I can update in two weeks! They won’t have to wait a month or more like usual!” But people weren’t there. I fell from very high. So now that chapter is just there taking the dust in a folder, because I don’t have the heart to reread it, correct it, and send it to editing. I’m two chapters from the end and I just don’t have the will to write them. I’m tired of the general mentality surrounding fanfiction. I’m tired to see writers kudosing my work but not leaving a comment when, as writers themselves, they should know better. I’m tired of people reading my end notes and/or my many reblogs about comments but not commenting anyway (this does not concern people with social anxiety or the like, I know it can be hard.) Same goes for artists, really. I’m tired because thanks to all this, I learned that it seems it takes BEGGING to get comments. Doesn’t that sound wrong to you? That writers have to beg to get some feedback on AO3?

Now, let’s be clear, in my case this isn’t about the number of comments. I know very well I get more than average. That I should be ‘thankful for what I get compared to others.’ The thing is, if I was used to get six comments on this fic and only got, let’s say, two or three, I would have made the same post. It’s like, I would never complain that my Emmett/John fic from The Raven got four comments, I never complained that my longest Russingon fic got 5 comments, because that’s to be expected. I know how to relativise depending on the fandom, the characters, etc, of the fic. But when it comes to Forgotten Roads, what was to be expected was ten comments because that’s what the chapters always got, even if twice, it was after I begged. So of course I’m going to be upset when a chapter gets much less than that, and such a chapter in particular.

Please, don’t give me the ‘you should write for yourself’ speech. If I wrote for myself I wouldn’t put it on the internet for everyone to see. I write for myself when I write my novel. When it comes to fanfiction, I write because I love the characters I write about, and because I want to share that love. You have to remember I’m not a native speaker. Writing is hard. It takes me days, often spread over weeks, if not months. Editing takes hours and I’m so thankful for the hard work my betas put into my stories. Writing is an awful lot of work. I need to feel like that awful lot of work that you guys get for free is worth it, and right now it doesn’t feel like it is. 

So, I’m going to put Forgotten Roads on the side. That chapter was the last straw. I can’t carry on like this because it hurts me too much and I care too much. You might say I shouldn’t put so much importance into fanfiction, but you need to know writing is all I have. Along with my friends, it’s one of the only things that make me happy. It’s the only thing that makes me feel like I’m not a failure. It’s the only thing I can get validation from. But now fanfiction is not helping me anymore, it’s hurting me. So I’m going to focus on my novel, like I did a bit more this past month. I know it’s not fair on the people who do comment and who do care, but I need a break. Just a break. I’m not giving up on fanfiction completely, but yeah. I just need a break. Maybe it’ll be two weeks, maybe two months. I don’t know. It’s not like I have many ideas right now anyway (nothing except Forgotten Roads for Barduil, just one for Gafou but given how my latest fic is doing I’m not sure I’ll ever give it a go, and birthday short fics (those I will do of course but I still have more than three months until then.)) 

I’m putting this in the tag, because this is important: the Barduil fandom is a dying fandom (and the Gafou fandom seems to be sadly already on its way there.) There’s no more art, and barely a few fics/updates per week. Most fics don’t require an AO3 account to comment. So, I beg of you. Comment on the fics you enjoyed. Simply say you liked that one shot very much, no matter how old it is. Simply tell the author you liked their update and can’t wait for the next one. Simply say you binge read that old long fic and loved it. We don’t need much. We don’t ask for much. Just a few words. Just ten seconds of your time. Just a voice. Please. What do we have to do to make you understand? 

#barduil #tbh all i have the will to write right now are fics that i know won't get much attention because they're for rarepairs or tiny fandoms #i'll immediately block anyone who'll send me anon hate or the like #you're allowed not to understand how i feel #and/or not to agree #but then i don't need to know #and you can just unfollow me instead of hurting me further #i'm so gonna regret posting this but i needed to say it #thank you to everyone who's been supportive though #you're angels #you're the reason i kept going #but right now i'm tired

[ashfxrd]

Embrace the Evil - Nano ‘19 Day 2

In which I talk Drow OCs, why the Vox Machina Graphic Novel is life, and might have to come to terms with the fact that I am indeed no longer a pantser. (If you are interested in the making of a Critical Role Fanfiction you are more than welcome to jump over all the blog stuff and scroll straight to the next headline.)

Lo and behold! It is November, National Novel Writing Month. And instead of, you know, writing said novel I am dusting off this blog. Sounds like a bad idea, doesn’t it?

But since I am trying something new this November I thought it would be fitting to do something completely new. Like, you know, stick to my goals for one. And here I am, updating you all on the writing process. And most importantly, explaining why I am not working on an original project this month.

I spend the last three Nanos on original projects. I never finished said projects, at least not enough to send them off to my beta readers. And when this Nano approached I felt really truly sad about that fact. I love my books, I truly do, but one is a giant baby with 120 thousand words that need to be revised and mostly rewritten, the other is somewhere around the 70 thousand mark, and not better off at all. So I was hit with doubt even before Nano started. Why write another 50+ word monster when I still have so much work to do on the other two?

Now this year was rather rough for me, due to personal problems and health issues within my immediate family. I set out with great creative goals and ended up not being able to reach any of them. I simply had no time for writing. And believe me, I was so ready for Nano. I was ready to delve headfirst back into the maze that my mind sometimes turns into, I was ready to experience a new story, a new adventure.

But I was not ready to write something serious. I was not ready to write something with the thought of publishing it one day, I was not ready to write something that needed to be good. But that is not the point of Nano anyway, is it?

So I had a long talk with my wonderful CP, thought about it quite thoroughly, and then finally decided I would start something new. Instead of starting a new original project - I had no time for outlining and world-building anyway, let alone inspiration - I was going to write a fanfiction. A real and true fanfiction.

Set in Tal’Dorei.

And why? Because I spend almost all of October prepping a DnD campaign for my friends and whenever I read something about Mercer’s world I thought to myself “Oh my gosh! This would make such an amazing setting for one of my stories!” I created NPCs that seemed so interesting to me that I wanted to spend even more time with them (A half-elf Drow, princess of thieves for example), but all of it was too cheesy, too high-fantasy, too standard, to fit into any of my original work. Lately, whenever I am working on my fantasy novel I am hit with that doubt, that little voice that tells me this has been done before. And during Nano I did not want to have to listen to this voice. I wanted to have fun, to remind myself of why I love writing, why I love creating in the first place. And maybe even end up creating something I could share with such an amazing and talented fandom.

So I told myself, I will use Mercer’s amazing world, my cheesy RPG NPCs, and write a nice little story with that.

Three days before Nano the panic set in. So I tried to outline, at least a little, only a few scenes... Something! I needed a starting point. I used to be a full pantser, going into a story with no outline and having no idea what to do. And I used to pants approximately 15 - 30 thousand words before hitting the first real obstacle. But I always ended up having to revise too much. So I trained myself to rely more on outlines. But this Nano would be different, this Nano would be fun. This Nano would be nothing but High Fantasy galore, pantsing, jumping around, ADVENTURE!

Now, you see, there is a reason I am DM, not player. I HATE PANTSING.

Gosh, I cannot believe I just said that. I was always a pantser at heart. But I am sitting here, wading through the murky waters of a new story, and I do not know where I want to go with these characters. I have no idea who they are! I have no idea what they want! I have no idea why I should even write the story if there is no ending insight!

Do not get me wrong, I am doing great so far. I am writing my words and hitting my goals. But it is only day 2 and there are still a lot of words to write. Maybe, I thought to myself, I do need at least a little more planning.

The first thing I did, as always, was spending more time on my characters. Which gets us to the first real topic of this tiny little series (except for my pantser-crisis):

DROW.

Now if you are familiar with Dungeons&Dragons, The Forgotten Realms, or similar fantasy concepts you may have heard of the Drow. Well, you will definitely have heard of them, let’s be real here. The Drow, the dark elves of the Underdark, are a deprived and terrible society of evil creatures, lurking in the night and taking away innocent souls to serve them as slaves in their bloody cities. They bow only to Loth, the Spider Goddess.

And I love them.

Honestly. I love a good villain, and the Drow are nothing but pure evil villains. I blame my cousins for this love for Drow because they did not only introduce me to DnD when I was like twelve years old but have been talking about and adoring Drizzt do’Urden for as long as I can remember. I should admit, right here and right now, that I never read a book by Salvatore, I only got into DnD a few months ago, and I watched like one full episode of Critical Role. I would not be me though if I did not delve headfirst into this obsession.

Drizzt do’Urden is the exception when it comes to Drow. He is not a villain, he is a hero. He battles the villains and he is an outcast, an elf whose kin turned on him because of that fact. It is exactly the kind of story that is gripping and interesting, the kind of hero you wish to follow until the end. But I wanted my Drow to be different. She was brought up in the Underdark for the first five years of her life before her human father saved her from that dreadful place. He brought her to his home and raised her. There was the possibility of her turning out not evil because of the good upbringing, but I decided to make him a Spireling of the Clasp. Because I cannot have nice things. I wanted this story to be about to half-elves, one Drow and one not, struggling with who they really are, where their place is in this world. I wanted to explore the age-old question of nature vs. nurture. I wanted my nice Drow OC to stumble into the Underdark, to see what her people are capable of and end up questioning if she herself is capable of such dark things. I wanted her to fear her true nature, to battle it. I wanted her to stand victorious as many times as she will be defeated.

I wanted to tell a tale in which there is neither good nor evil, but only a lot of grey.

But it turns out writing Villains as the heroes of a story is not that easy. Where one character is troubled to see her father’s true nature when he is both, Spiraling of the Clasp and caring parent, I struggle to write such a complex person without it all becoming way too cheesy.

So my initial plan of pantsing my way through this fanfiction and exploring it all as I went along failed on Day 2. Yay me.

But fear not! I dove into research, refreshed my lore, and read about the best ways of playing a Drow in a DnD campaign. (Let me get one thing straight, playing a believable character in DnD, or DMing a good campaign consist of the same things as writing a good character/ story). There was one article that dealt with the “Embracing the Evil” part of playing a Drow. The author of said article made a point in saying that there are way too many good Drow OCs out there and that evil does not always equal evil.  And I am now sitting here, wondering about nurture vs nature myself, wondering about how evil I can make my characters and still have the readers care for them, still have them 3d.

Because let us be real, there is no reason to read something if you do not care about the characters in it. There is no reason for writing something if you do not care about the characters in it.

It is back to the drawing board for me, peppering my story with some really evil characters - Drow and not Drow - before I can find an answer to those questions that satisfies me enough.

Vox Machina and Stilben.

Which gets me to the next important part of my story: Setting.

Early September my Mom got me the Tal’Dorei campaign guide for my birthday. Because a) I love world-building more than anything, b) I needed a setting for our growing DnD campaign and c) I adore getting lost in Fantasy Worlds. After I decided that my Nano project would take place in that world I started to flip through the book, searching for a place that could fit my story. I knew I did not want to start in one of the major cities and I knew I needed a port. I also knew that the struggle between Clasp and Myriad would be a thing in the story.

It did not take long for me to find Stilben. A stinking coastal town at the edge of the K’Tawl swamp. It just sounded perfect! And it had the Clasp struggling against the Myriad, it had amazing adventures around it, great world-building, and a direct route to the main city! I adored the region and could not wait to throw my characters into it. There was a small paragraph in the Campaign Guide saying that Vox Machina had one of their first adventures within the K’Tawl Swamp, but since I hadn’t really watched the series yet I thought it to be only a tiny bit of background knowledge.

I spend a few days reading about the place, the religions there, the monsters, and so forth. On Friday - yesterday - I got up even earlier than usual to get some writing time in and start Nanowrimo off right. I wrote the first scene, in which members of the Claps break and enter into a ship from Wildemount to steal from the Myriad. I wanted to have this flashback of them meeting one of my MCs five years prior to the events of the story. The idea was to have my two side characters interfere with the Myriads business, working for the Clasp, and five years my MCs do the same, but now the conflict has only grown and their interference leads to an escalation.

It needed to take place on a ship because the Myriad was about to smuggle my MC out of the country. That was like the only thing I knew about this scene (or the general backstory of said MC) before I sat down to write it. But once I started to write the words just kept flowing and all fell into place. It was truly a magical start to this year’s Nano. Later that day I was able to leave work a lot earlier than expected, but I missed the train and had a few minutes of time to kill in the city. An interesting twist of fate, looking back to it now. I went to the local comics and book shop, thinking I could maybe get something for our DnD campaign. But on the way there I remembered that there is actually a Vox Machina Origins Graphic Novel out there and that I could see and read more about Tal’Dorei! So to celebrate the beginning of Nano, a month I had waited for almost all year, I decided to see if fate would allow me to buy that book. I looked it up on Goodreads to know the exact name and read the Synopsis.

(...) following six would-be heroes as they uncover a plot to destroy the small coastal town of Stilben.

I stopped in my tracks. Could I write a story that takes place in Stilben without it feeling too much like a rip-off? Without copying too much of Mercer’s work?

But I reminded myself that I was already taking a lot of Mercer’s work into my own story. The entire world-building for once! And it was supposed to be a fanfiction after all, there was nothing wrong in using the same setting as the original. Even better, since we are talking a graphic novel buying it would enable me to see Stilben instead of simply reading about it. And how many times can you say that you are really seeing the world of your story in front of you? Brought to life by someone else?

I remembered that Liam O’Brien, cast member of Critical Role, said something during their fall update video along the lines of wanting to tell stories and inspiring others to do the same. And as I walked to the Comic Store I was more than just inspired. I was totally hyped. Only to find out though, that our small Comic Store no longer sold English Graphic Novels and Comics. The internet destroyed that market for them. Perchance they could order it for me though? I thought about going home and ordering it online myself, which would mean I’d get it a lot earlier than ordering through the store. But I was there to support local booksellers and so I said, yes please, order it for me. Too bad the guy couldn’t find it online either! I got really frustrated when suddenly the cover art loaded on his computer and he went all “Oh, is this that Critical Role stuff?” YES. YES, IT IS. He told me they might still have some German issues... and wait, what? There is a German issue? I hadn’t known. He told me it hadn’t been released that long ago and I think he found it kind of funny how happy I was, clutching my new book and almost running out of his shop to read.

Fate indeed.

On my train ride home I read the first few pages and dearly enjoyed it. But even better, the book has a city map of Stilben in the back! I could choose a street, even a house in which my MCs could grow up in. I knew how their backyard was looking like, I knew how the other people in their city were looking like, and acting. This graphic novel was a gold mine of inspiration. And it got better with every page I turned.

Me, meeting a real Spireling of the Clasp? Check. The book taking place early on when the struggle between the Clasp and the Myriad is slowly beginning? Check. The Myriad having their secret lair inside a ship and working from there? DOUBLE CHECK.

It all felt so right. Part of the story I wanted to write had already been written and my little idea just fit perfectly into the picture, like a piece of the puzzle. I wondered if people would read it, maybe like or even adore it, I wondered if my little story idea could really become a part of this wonderful and amazingly thought-through world, even if it was just inside my own head. And instead of discouraging me, the idea inspired me. Because, and yes I am going to be cheesy and quoting the theme in just a few seconds, how am I to find out if the story truly has the potential to become part of the puzzle if not through writing it? It is time to take a chance and roll the dice, it seems.

Reading this graphic novel during the last two days has been an absolute joy. The art is amazing, I adore how so much of the story is told through the facial expressions and there is always something going on in the background. It was amazing to see these characters brought to life in such a different way. I can only recommend it!

But the one thing it truly did was inspire me to tell this story even more. It just feels more right than before to use Stilben as a setting, to start from that point and see where the adventure will take me. Maybe, someday, I will take you all along for the ride! Fret not, I am pretty sure this is the only Nanowrimo Update post that will be this long.

Until then, Happy Writing my lovely Cupcakes! As always feel free to leave any questions or critic! ♥

Marie

#nanowrimo 2019 #am writing #world building #critical role #tagging because yes this is about me writing a fanfiction #deal with it