#I’m not disowned or outright hated but they definitely are against it and | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

we-want-mini-mini · 4 years

Text

Since I have no self restraint, I’m writing another prompt/one shot.

Essentially, normal girl Lia (or some OC) whose a big fan of DC comics and the like ends up in a weird inter dimensional accident and ends up in the DC universe (it can be a mix of canon because fuck canon, up to you).

But, where did Lia end up exactly? Fucking Gotham.

The moment she realizes this is decides: Nope. Nah. Nada. No sir-y. This is NOT happening. Fuck this. I might end dying, or, worse, BECOME A FUCKING MAIN CHARACTER IN THE BAT CLAN. NAH. HELL NO.

Lia decides that, no, she will not involve herself in the Bat Clan/Wayne’s at all. Nope. Nah. Too much drama. Too much angst. Too much fucking skin tight suits and my poor Pan heart can’t TAKE all the HOT, RIPPED hero’s like what the fuck.

Now, this can play out in a variety of ways:

Lia is, say, around the same age as one of the Batboys. It can be any of them, up to you. Now, she some how ends up in Gotham Acdemy and begrudgingly befriends them. Cue angst (especially if its Jason. Considering in canon, if Jason survives he becomes Red Robin thats all I know lmao). If Lia is friends with the second Robin, it’d bring up the deliemma of: does she tell him that he’s gonna fucking die and then come back to life. Oh and, she’s actually from an alternate world were everyone thats like a superhero/vigilante is a fictional character. Honestly, if done well, can definitely stir the feelings of the poor saps who read the moral deliemma of Lia. Now, who is Lia? Someone who doesn’t want to get involved. If she avoids Jason in the beginning, does she have doubts and wants to warn Batman of Jason impending death or not? Like, that sort of shit panic attack inducing. There’s a lot of things you guys can do to torture not only Lia, but also the readers who might be like: “TELL HIM! TELL HIMMMMM!!!” or, “fuck, even I don’t know what I’d do” and etc. There’s a lot of leeway.

They are grown, and are in college (let’s say the events of Death in The Family happened and everything surrounding Red Robin striking out to find Bruce whose lost in time). This Lia is much older, recently graduated from college and currently interns for Wayne Enterprises. See, Lia is just another intern in a global colgomerate cooperation, there’s no way she’d ever run into any of the Wayne’s. None at all. But. But. She does. Some how she becomes the Executive Assistant to Tim (he once saw how she managed an entire fucking department’s schedule even though a group of people spontaneously quit. She was able to somehow salvage that shit in under three hours. And, Tim might or might not have fallen slightly in love with her—). Lia, now, a fresh 20-something year old, is now the Executive Assistant to another 20-something year old who happened to run one of the most rich and powerful companies in the entire world holy shit. Now, we follow the adventures of Lia, whose now one of the most powerful persons in the entire company (and proxy the world, I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️). Lia, let’s say, is a fucking god at manipulating people, making connections, accounting and management, and also a Very Tired Recently Graduate of GU. She, cannot, and will not deal with the constant bullshit that the Bats pull regularly. So, Lia can either passive aggressively hint that, yeah Tim, you definitely got that broken arm from a golf accident. Oh hey, I also heard the Red Robin foughy Killer Croc and also sported a broken left arm like you! What a coincidence, right? And she’d say this with a straight face. Tim knows that she knows, and Lia knows that Tim knows and yeah. Alternatively, she could outright tell him: “look, Tim, I swear to god, if you put off another meeting without a day notice just because some gang member got the better of you.” “Wait, gang member—?” “—do NOT interrupt me. Look, I know Bruce Wayne is Batman. Not the whole, ‘Bruce Wayne and Batman are the same person! The butts match!’ type of thing. I know he is Batman, you Red Robin, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Red Hood is the weirdly alive Jason Todd, etc etc. There’s no point in feigning the fact that I don’t know. Because, I do.” They stare at eachother for a bit, and Tim falls just a little more in love. “How... Actually it’s dumb to ask you how you know, but, how long?” “Good tactic to ask me how long I’ve know instead of how I know. But, to answer your question: I’ve know since I was around...” THE FRAME FREEZES now, should Lia say 8, since, technically, she’s know since she was 8 that Bruce Wayne is Batman, considering the whole parallel universe thing. Or, does she say 18, the age in which she arrived into this world? Now, that decision can prompt many things to happen. For one, if Lia says 8, Tim is gonna be so awestruck and also be dry curious. If 18, Tim is still amazed (that she knows at all). Either answer would also illicit this response: “...you’ve known for so long, yet never told anyone?” Lia shakes her head. “You guys have a secret identity for a reason. Plus, I’m not in the business of becoming a vigilante or whatever. I’ve tried my best to steer clear of all of that, in all honesty.” “Huh. Makes sense. Wait. Then... why did you start working at WE, if you knew our identities?” Lia stares at him like he’s grown three heads. “Dude. This is WE. One of the most powerful companies out there, why wouldn’t I work here? But, the ither fact of the matter is that I didn’t expect to become your fucking Executive Assistant. Like, I couldn’t just deny the offer, my mother would’ve disowned my ass the second she heard I turned down such a prestigious position.” Lia shuddered. “Fuck, I can hear her curse me out in like, five different languages.” Let’s also say, at one point or another, Lia’s mother arrives, and say, is the most terrifying person Tim has ever met (and Tim’s faced off against Ra’s al Ghul, a functionally immortal man with a fucking army of highly trained assassin at his disposal).

Lia is tame honest to god tame compared to her mother (if her mother is like, 5’3”, that’s even more hilarious tbh). Essentially, if Lia’s older and somehow become Executive Assistant to Tim (or Bruce, because, fuck canon) it would be so god damn funny (read “The Executive Assistant To Batman” in which Tim nene became Robin but still knows the identities of the various Gotham vigilantes. Oh, and, he’s the Executive Assistant to Batman. It’s so fucking hilarious and y’all gotta check it out. It’s on AO3).

Number 2, is a lot more light hearted compared to the moral deliemma of Number 1 (as, is Lia is the same age as Robin!Jason, and knows that he’s gonna die, but she also doesn’t want to get involved with the vigilantes presents a very large problem). Number 1 is great for angst and a character study for this OC. Number 2, is a more light hearted, fun scenario (as it avoids the can of worms called “Do I Warn the Bats of Robin!Jasons impending death or not because I honestly don’t want to get involved with the Bat.”.

I, personally, would love to read Number 2 (please make Lia, or whatever OC, a god damn Tired of Your Bullshit, amazing assistant to the CEO of WE, competent af and very, Very Tired of the Bats BS, and, PR is Going To Skin Me Alive and Roast Me Over A Flame). Maybe some drama, angst sprinkled in (there’s the blatant fact that, Lia is a completely different world. One that has superhero’s, aliens, magic and so, so much more. The fact that she’s in her doppelgänger’s body could cause some dissociation/body dysphoria and that sort of stuff. It’s a great opportunity for a character study for Lia/your OC).

Regardless of you choose 1 or 2, the basic premise is:

Some rando kid (or young adult, whichever strikes your fancy) who loves to read Batman/DC in general. Ends up in some weird ass accident that lands them in the DC universe, specifically Gotham. Everything about their pervious life and the life in his world is the same (or not, up to you), only difference is that there’s an alien powered by the Sun and that cannot he injured (unless it’s by a glowing green rock). They decide, pretty early on, that they want nothing to do with the vigilantes of Gotham (which also means they have to avoid the Wayne’s and Co, which should be ways right? Right?? Gotham is really big, I’ll probably only ever see them in passing, I’ll be fine—). But, the universe said, LOL, nope. And they end up befriending the Wayne’s somehow. The rest? Up to you. If they befriend Robin!Jason they have to cope with the moral deliemma of getting involved to save his life or not. Or, maybe this is the world where Dick is still Robin. Do we save Jason early on, or not? What about Tim? Cass? Stephanie? Or, what if, they end up in a world in which Jason died and came back, Bruce came back from being lost in the time stream and Damian is now Robin.

Essentially: OC ends up in the DC universe, specifically Gotham. Decided not to ever get in involved with the Vigilantes/Wayne’s. However, the universe said nope and they become friends with one of the Bats/Waynes regardless. Now, how the fuck do they cope?

BONUS: Lia manages to avoid the Wayne’s/Vigilantes of Gotham completely. How? She ends working for LexCorp. As Lex Luthors Executive Assistant (basically the same way as she became the Executive Assistant to Tim). Now, she has to cope with the fact that she works as the Executive Assistant for Lex fucking Luthor of all people. She can hear her mother shaking her head in Disappointment™️. She hates the universe. Also, Lex Luthor is pretty open about his Evil, Bastard Schemes with Lia for whatever reason (much to Lia’s utter fucking chargin). She discreetly sends info about these Evil, Bastard, Devious plans to the Bats. Cue her realizing that, to ensure Luthor doesn’t suspect her, she’s gotta get GOOD at hacking and computer science. And get good she does. Like, her utter fucking Done-ness over Luthors Supervillain ways and her wanted to never be found out by the Bats is like taken to Infinty in the 10 dial scale. Somehow, she manages to both avoid suspicion from Luthor (cue intense moments in which Luthor is talking to her, and he’s speaking in a weird direct way that makes Lia think he found out and she mentally plans for her subsequent “death” and fleeing of the country and when Luthor finishes his sentences it just him praising her or something else innocuous. Lia felt like the sun was lifted off her shoulders.) She’s always on edge. Her hair is slowly turning grey. Luthor notices and makes a comment and Lia simply laughs while making a underhand comment about how Luthors bald so he doesn’t need to deal with greying hairs. Lia stops laughing realizing oh shit I just insulted my boss in the most underhand way. What ghe fuck. But Luthor just laughs, much to Lia’s relief. Her hair is still greying from the stress. Anyways, she inadvertently becomes a techno vigilante that can rival the famed Oracle (let’s say, for the sake of this prompt, Lia’s code name is Reaper because she was drunk and apparently in the mind of her 13 year old self when she came up with it). Reaper’s name is slowly growing, as Lia does some other stuff with her new found skills in hacking. She mostly helps the Bats by giving them crucial info on Luthors dealings and the like.

One day, she realizes, that, oh shit. I became the one thing swore I’d never become. What type of Shakespearean shit is my life—

If someone does the situation in which Lia/their OC becomes Luthor Executive Assistant and then inadvertently becomes a Vigilante themselves because, sure, they don’t want to get involved, but, fuck Luthor and Eat the Rich. Also, I would love it if said fic included the most stress inducing scenes were it seems like Luthor found out about Lia and the whole Reaper situation but he actually DIDN’T and Lia is here like, sweating god damn bucks while her hair slowly falls out. Please. Write this shit. It would be

✨Immaculate✨

Anyways, hope you like this prompt/one shot because I damn well enjoyed writing it!

20 notes · View notes

yoimeta · 4 years

Note

Hi everyone! I noticed recently that the "KAZAKHSTAN 101 OR HOW TO OTABEK" post seems to have been taken off of tumblr? The author's whole blog seems to have been wiped. Do you know if this is archived anywhere? Is there a mirror, say, on Ao3?

Hello!

Thankfully, I managed to find what I believe is the original post. Here it is! The post is archived in plain text under the cut.

Hope this helps!

- Ji

Source: @sawyer-aik

KAZAKHSTAN 101 OR HOW TO OTABEK

THERE YOU GO YURI ON ICE FANDOM.

Disclaimer: this is in no way a fully comprehensive guide. This is just me trying to put together basics for people who are unfamiliar with Kazakhstan/Kazakhs to start their writing/research.

I am an ethnic Kazakh female, citizen of Kazakhstan, Almaty, bisexual, upper middle class, currently in college in the US. My experience is in no way representative of all kazakhs and Kazakhstan citizens. However, I think it’s pretty close to Otabek’s.

This is really, really long and kinda convoluted, but if you can bear it –– welcome!

Name: Many people have talked about Otabek’s name. This is how you shorten it –– “Bek”, “Beka”, or “Beks” if you wanna be really familiar and laid back.

Kazakhs don’t have middle names, we have patronymics. They are formed like this: the father’s name + ‘uly’ if the child is a boy or ‘kyzy’ is the child is a girl. For example, Otabek’s childrens’ patronymics would be Otabekuly and Otabekkyzy.

About Almaty and almatinians: Ok I’m so happy Otabek is from Almaty, I really don’t know much about life in other cities or rural areas. Almatinians rarely do. Comparing Almaty lifestyle to the rest of Kazakhstan is the same as comparing NYC to the rest of America –– it’s not representative of the quality of life in the country, like, at all.

Almaty has 2.5+ million population, and it grows every year. It’s a cultural and economic centre of the country. Apples originate from Almaty (!!!), hence the name from “Alma” –– apple. Almatinians are usually stereotyped as fast, brash and snobby –– kinda like New Yorkers, right? Almaty is much more tolerant and progressive, and also more ‘Western’ than the rest of the country in terms of mindset. Almatinians kinda look down on non-Almatinians, and really dislike the capital Astana because of all the funding and attention it gets.

Almaty has a great ethnic diversity –– main groups are Kazakhs, Russians, Uygur, Koreans, Germans, Jews, Uzbek, and many more. Though stereotypical jokes are generally acceptable, outright hate and discrimination against an ethnic group is not tolerated. Many foreigners visit here for business –– mostly Americans, Western Europeans and Chinese.

Almatinians love: coffeeshops, mall sales, cool cars (Hello Otabek’s motorcycle), smoking hukkah and vaping. They are usually concerned with status and try to show off their wealth. You can see people of all kind of different style and background in Almaty, fashion shows are held there, contemporary art and indie-music congregates there, along with all kinds of fancy ass crowd. It is a really interesting and kinda exhausting scene, especially if you are young and wanna have fun.

Language, culture, food, etc.

As an Almatinian Kazakh, Otabek is definitely fluent in both Russian and Kazakh, and probably has a very good grasp on English. He is a master of shala kazakh. Shala kazakh is a magic language that only city Kazakhs are privy to. It’s basically a wild mix of kazakh, russian and some fashionable english slang thrown in there. It’s usual for me to start a conversation with “OMG bro” and then kinda pull my speech together, substituting kazakh and russian words with each other and pepper it with “cool”, “ok” and other english exclamations. It’s not grammatically correct and is kinda lowbrow, but we all do it. Yes, even our parents. This is how Otabek sounds when he is talking to someone from home. Terrifying.

Nuclear family: City Kazakhs usually have two or three kids. That’s less than people have in rural areas. Children are important in Kazakh culture because they carry the family’s bloodline and history, especially boys. If you headcanon Otabek as having brothers and sisters, you are probably right! His family should be at least sort of wealthy to afford all the expenses of having a professional athlete for a child. Otabek has an expensive bike and his clothes look high-end –– he is definitely not poor.

Family in general. Kazakhs are close, VERY CLOSE to their family. Mind you, family is not just parents and siblings but also your grandparents, aunts and uncles and like all 173 cousins and nieces and nephews. Everyone is ridiculously involved in your life, always there with advice and complaints. You stay connected to your parents when you move out, when you get married, when you have kids, when you DIE. When Otabek misses the weekly skype dates or check-in phone calls, HE IS SHAMED SO HARD. Do you know grandma is worried about you, think about how old she is! Otabek’s relatives brag about his achievements like they moved him up the career ladder personally, with their own two hands. There’s nothing Otabek can really do about it tho he gets annoyed

Food: city Kazakhs have a very diverse cuisine. Traditional kazakh food is like 50% batter and 50% meat and takes long ass time to prepare so we reserve it for the holidays. My family loves fish, russian dishes such as borsht and blini, Uzbek lagman, Korean kimchi tho we try to avoid pork. And it’s not like we choose one day as a “Russian cuisine day”, we just kinda??? Deside to have some borsht today?? Almaty has lots of different restaurants, almatinians love sushi, pizza and pasta, shashlyk, all kinds of experimental foods and trying new things. Kumys –– mare’s milk –– is one of the things you should try in Kazakhstan as a turist, but I know many kazakhs who have never had it or don’t like it. They say it’s really good for you tho.

Holidays: ethnic Kazakhs in Kazakhstan celebrate: birthdays, New Years, Eid al-Adha which we call Kurban Bairam, Independence Day on December 16th and Nauryz on March 22nd. Young people kinda have get togethers on Halloween because it’s fun and a reason to hang out. Nauryz is one of my faves, it’s a pagan holiday of coming of spring and new life. On Nauryz, Almaty is adorned with flowers, yurts and giant swings are set on the city square, people wear traditional clothing and dance and play and eat a lot. My family also ended up celebrating Eastern Orthdox Christmas and Easter because each year our Russian friends invite us to hang out and celebrate with them, lol.

LGBTQIA+

Main principle is “Don’t ask, don’t tell”. General conflict avoidance protocols are in place. I personally know like 3 LGBT friendly hubs/clubs in Almaty. Nobody explicitly says “gay clubs” but people just kinda know what and where those are. There are get togethers and meetings you can attend to meet people, you can hang out with your significant other in public, hug, hold hands and no one would probably say anything. Colleges and universities are generally safe places, many of my friends are out in their college and don’t face any trouble. PDA will be frowned upon, but all PDA is generally frowned upon in Kazakhstan, even hetero. Feminist and sex-positive initiatives try to educate the populace and break the status quo, and are doing really well but the government’s disposition is homophobic. If your family is religious or traditional, they probably wouldn’t go as far as disowning you, but will probably pressure and guilt-trip you. LGBT+ youth generally plan to move somewhere else or just not settle. All of this is Almaty situation tho. Being LGBT in rural area is much more dangerous.

THE BEST PART: VOCABULARY

Ok this is what I find to be the easiest way to explain Kazakh to English speakers: think Turkish but written in cyrillic, with words borrowed from Arabic and Russian.

Endearments:

zhanym, жаным: my soul. Zhanym is everything to a Kazakh. You can use it for your family, friends, SO, I called my laptop zhanym today. It can be flirty, it can be serious. If you need Otabek to be affectionate with someone, use zhanym.

ainalaiyn, айналайын: really hard to translate but something like my precious?? Usually used towards small kids, but also if a Kazakh finds something really cute.

altynym, my golden baby. I love this one for obvious reasons, lol, hi, Otabek.

Mahabbatym, махаббатым, my love +

Suiktim, сүйіктім. my love, my dear. Kinda old fashioned but really romantic. I can see Otabek using this, but he will be teased and called an old sap if he does.

Kazakh have a lot more endearments, but most of them are for children.

Basic interaction and exclamations:

Iya. Ия. Yes.

Zhok. Жоқ. No

Rakhmet. Рахмет. Thank you.

Keshir. Кешір. Sorry.

Salem, Сәлем. Hello. A familiar greeting.

Sau bol, Сау бол. Literally “Be well” but actually means goodbye. Pretty familiar too.

O Kudai, О Құдай/O Allah, О Алла! Oh my god, obviously. Used in all kinds of different situations.

Oibai, Ойбай! How does one explain oibai. When a friend jump scares you, when you receive bad news, when you check your bank account –– oibai!

Abai bol, Абай бол. Be careful, is what your mom tells you when you go out.

Expletives and Swear Words. Yeeaaah the juicy stuff.

Zhyndy, Жынды. Crazy. If someone is being stupid or inappropriate, you call them zhyndy. When you tell a dumb joke at the familty table, mom smacks you upside the head and hisses “Ooooi, zhyndy!” When Jean-Jaques is acting a fool and makes out with his reflection, Otabek rolls his eyes and mutters “Zhyndy”.

Akymak. Ақымақ. Idiot. When someone is just dumb and not worth your time.

Ittin balasy. Иттің баласы. Child of a dog. It can be as harmless as “you pup” and as offensive as “son of a bitch” depending on the situation.

Kotindy kys. Көтіңді қыс. Squeeze you ass. God I love this one. When someone being an obnoxious wannabe, tell them they should squeeze their ass and check themselves.

Jean-Jaques: I am gonna be the King of the Grand Prix!

Otabek: Kotindy kys.

Shygasyn ba?! Шығасың ба?! You wanna go bro?! Ohh, someone is gonna catch these Kazakh fists.

Sigil. Сігіл. Basically go fuck yourself.

Sheshen ahmy/Sheshen sigem. Шешең амы/Шешең сігем. Your mother’s c*nt/Imma fuck your mother. REALLY FUCKING OFFENSIVE. Say this to a Kazakh if you have a death wish.

——————————————————————————————-

AND THEEEEEEERE YOU GO.

Again, this is just the basics. Do more research and talk to as many Kazakhs and Kazakhstani people as you can. We are a different but usually an interesting bunch. Thanks for your attention, Sawyer out!

#yoimeta #solosvejs #answered #Otabek Altin #yoi meta

91 notes · View notes

izzyovercoffee · 4 years

Note

Hm... hi? Sorry for any inconvenience, but I started reading RepComm (I'm at the beginning of Order 66, so I don't know if that happens later) and I can't help thinking about Tor and Ijaat meeting the Nulls, before and after they left Kal? Or if Ilippi survived, what would a meeting between the Nulls and her be like? And it made me realize that characters who don't like Kal are either just quoted or never appear or are dead or are framed as wrong and reading this is such an exercise in patience

ps: btw, love your meta! that's what made me want to read RepComm, to be honest, and sorry for the english, it's not my first language

I’m so sorry it took me so long to reply!!! THANK YOU FOR THE ASK. And also, just thank you. Truly, thank you. I wasn’t sure if people still read the meta out there or not, but I’m glad that you enjoyed them!! also your english was beautiful, I understood what you said perfectly

but also LMAO at:

reading this is such an exercise in patience

I TRULY FEEL THIS IN MY HEART OF HEARTS

Even after all this time, I still LOVE the Republic Commando books. I do---but rereading them is definitely an exercise in patience, now that I see all the problems and the glaring inconsistencies. But I still see the good parts, even great parts, and I keep coming back to them lmao

BUT TO CIRCLE BACK---

I can't help thinking about Tor and Ijaat meeting the Nulls, before and after they left Kal? Or if Ilippi survived, what would a meeting between the Nulls and her be like?

I also think about these things a lot lmao

I’m often torn on the idea of the Nulls meeting Tor and Ijaat, or the Nulls meeting Ilippi if she had survived her illness. The way Prudii talks about her, in Order 66, makes me feel that they’ve internalized the bitterness and the resentment that Kal very likely felt early, early on in their development when he was young, and broke, and alone on Kamino surrounded by people who hated him.

Kal has long since softened (on her, on his marriage failing, on his biological children disowning him), since he defends her against Prudii’s statements, but the sad truth is that the Nulls learned that bitterness and that resentment from him, originally---as they were raised and trained by him. It’s truly hard to say how they would have reacted in meeting her, and I feel like all of the Nulls would have held very radically different opinions on the matter.

But, depending on who was or wasn’t present at that meeting, and any subsequent meetings ... would likely change how they react or respond to her. With Kal present, there’s always an underlying need for them to perform in a way that would further secure his love in them (regardless of whether or not it’s “necessary,” though to a degree it is---because of the way he withholds affection when someone doesn’t do something he agrees with) versus showing their true selves, or expressing their true opinions beyond his hearing.

We saw Prudii’s, and his bitterness and resentment likely reflecting Kal’s when he was a decade younger, but I think Ordo would have been much more polite. A’den would have been curious, no doubt, but nosy. Jaing can’t help but be intimidating, even if maybe he doesn’t want to be, and Mereel can’t help but be excessively charming and warm. Kom’rk is a toss up---his choice to keep his distance from the core is one that can be read as a choice to stay as far away from Kal as possible, and it’s one that might lend Kom’rk to being kinder and far more understanding than the rest of Ilippi.

I wonder, actually, if there would have been jokes about the one woman who tried (and failed) to “tame” Kal (as those kinds of jokes tend to go, I guess?) but if there would have been some respect there, too, for the attempt. Had Ilippi lived, had KT been less biased against her female characters, there’s an entire world of potential, just in highlighting Kal’s faults and how everyone can work around them (or how he could / should work on them).

I mean, okay. I have obviously softened somewhat on my frustrations towards Kal as a character, and I find myself thinking a lot these days about the Kal we should have gotten, the Kal a large chunk of the fandom think we have (but don’t), and the Kal the books believe they gave us. I think about the way the books should have gone if they were faithful to the narrative arcs they started before they were derailed by excessive soap-boxing and a doubling-down to bend to biases that broke the momentum because they just didn’t make sense.

One of the major arcs being character growth---owning up to one’s faults and mistakes, and making a conscious effort to become a better version of yourself through blood, sweat, and (literal) tears.

And maybe part of that would always be hindered, or outright cut short, because Ilippi never survived to tell her side of her mistreatment and failed marriage---and also because we were never, really, given the opportunity to hear Tor nor Ijaat’s own memories.

I struggle to think about how Tor and Ijaat would have dealt with the Nulls. I get the feeling there would be a lot of insecurity in all of them---and a feeling of being replaced, and some lingering resentment and anger towards each other (that should be directed at Kal, but for a lot of reasons, just like in real life, would be misdirected instead to other people).

Miscommunication is a major sore point for Kal in general---he has a huge inability to actually express his love in his actions, or clarify his intentions, which may be good, in order to separate them from his missteps, which are often terrible. Tor and Ijaat, if they’re well-adjusted men now, would find it hard to not see what being raised in that kind of environment had on the Nulls. They have a lot of issues as a result of their genetics, yes, but a lot of their lingering and prolonged mental illnesses can, in some part, also be attributed to the “affectionate abuse” Kal gave them, and I wonder if Kal’s biological sons still carried lingering emotional and mental scars from their childhood---or if they had so little direct interaction with Kal that what few moments they had were uniformly positive---and if their resentment towards him genuinely was, as they said, because he wasn’t there when Ilippi was dying from her illness.

In this scenario, actually, if Ilippi survived... would they still have divorced Kal from their lives and rejected his fatherhood entirely? All of that hinged on him not being present, him being away at Kamino, during her very last days.

So much of this also undermines the idea of Kal’s control over the Nulls, and the rest of the clan. If Ilippi not only survived, but thrived, away from him? If Tor and Ijaat are living full and fulfilling lives without him in it? If Ruusaan never “needed” to be rescued in the way that she was? They all would have stood as examples of a life beyond making personal choices and decisions that were dictated by him, and would have, at the very least, been a life that could stand in direct comparison and be just as messy and complicated as real life tends to be.

also WOW i really .... uhhh I really got away from the point here. I am so sorry LMAO I GOT CARRIED AWAY. IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME since I got to ramble about repcomm, and I really fixate on a lot of the missed opportunities these days, because there are SO MANY. But I guess that’s what fic is for, right?

RIGHT???

Absolutely no pressure, BUT if you do decide to write fic about this, or do your own meta or exploration, I am ALWAYS excited to see what people come up with. I haven’t really been on tumblr that much lately, but I see now that The Mandalorian is out there and people are discovering (or rediscovering) Republic Commando, there’s a wealth of new stuff out there I desperately need to catch up on.

ANYWAY LMAO I’M SORRY I RAMBLE SO MUCH I JUST! THESE QUESTIONS ARE SO GOOD. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE ASK.

And I hope this find you well, ner vod.

#Anonymous #repcomm #izzy talks repcomm #asks.txt #c: Ilippi Jiro #c: Ilippi Skirata #republic commando #c: Tor Jiro #c: Ijaat Jiro

27 notes · View notes

milkacchan · 5 years

Text

One lesbian and a gay mentor

Request for anon: Could I request Klaus meeting a young lesbian when she tries to buy drugs off him? He takes her under his wing as a big brother and gay mentor, thank you!

"I heard you were selling."

Klaus smiled and stood up. "Ah, not anymore-" He turned around and frowned. A young girl stood there. She in no way looked like a druggie. She wore clean mom Jeans, a heavy coat. Even her shoes were clean. She couldnt have been more than 18.

"You want them?"

"Yes?" He could see it in her eyes. She did not want to be doing this.

"Are you hungry? I'm hungry. Theres a waffle house down the road."

"Fuck it. Yeah, sure. You're not gonna tape me are you? I'm kinda over all that."

"Nope. I swing to guys before girls." He hummed with a grin."

"Oh nice."

Klaus had to make sure she wasn't going to get drugs. It could be seen on her face, in her eyes, her body language. She wanted nothing to do with them. And after a LONG ass conversation, he was gonna figure it out. So they sat down and she ordered, so did he.

"I'll pay." She mumbled.

"No, I can-"

"Based on how you're dressed, no you can't."

He grinned. "Ha! Do you know who I am?"

"Not a clue. Who are you?"

"Well more who I'm related to. A certain Dead Hargreeves."

"Like. The millionaire?"

"Bingo!"

"You're paying." She mumbled. "Plot hole though, if You've got money, why the hell are you selling drugs?"

"Why are you buying drugs?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Is this how these usually goes?"

"Is this your first time?"

"Maybe." She looked down again.

"You don't want to get started in drugs kid. It's no fun." She bit the inside of her cheek. "And from the looks of it, you don't actually want to."

"What's with all the questions?"

"Well we are having dinner right?"

"I guess."

"But seriously, tell me why you're trying to buy. Why are you here?"

She groaned and put her head in her hands. "Is it that obvious?"

"Extremely. So why."

"My girlfriend. She said she'd kick me out if I didnt get her any. She knows how against them I am. I mean that stuff kills you! And all she wants to do is sit on the couch and smoke all day."

"Well-that's. That's very dickish of her!"

"Well I don't have another option. I've been with her since freshman year of highschool. Now I'm in freshman year of college. I don't want to leave her. I don't have anywhere to go."

"What about parents?"

"Disowned me."

"Friends?"

"I don't really have many."

"Well then you can stay with me and my family."

"I don't know you."

"Well you need to get out of where you are. It's extremely toxic."

The waitress brought their food and after a much longer conversation and some crying, Klaus somehow convinced her to stay with them.

"Okay so theres Diego, Allison, she recently moved back in, Vanya, she doesnt live in the estate but she lives close. Luther, he's a bit of a prick but you get used to it."

She nodded along, frowning as he rambled. "Okay okay, so Allison- wait like Allison Hargreeves- oh my God the actress?"

"Yeah why?"

"No particular reason everything is fine. And then Diego and Vanya, Luther and Five. And obviously you."

"Yep!"

"Holy shit this is a big house."

"Isn't it? Now come on!"

And that's how it all started. A weird friendship that turned two strangers into family. The first few months were awkward to say the least.

Klaus learned a lot about her in those months.

1. She wouldn't willingly talk to anyone else if he wasnt in the room. Even if he was in the room, she was very closed off about things.

2. No doubt she had anxiety. He had seen and helped her through Panic attacks, much to her distaste. She hated that he had to and voiced that to him.

3. She was a victim of abuse. She'd never outright said it. But he could read the signs and symptoms, the way she flinched if he moved too quickly, the way she looked scared of he set groceries down too hard, the way she apologized for the slightest things.

4. She was kind. She was caring. And she was still a child at heart. She knew how to take care of things and she got scared a lot but she was kind under the exterior Klaus had seen when they first met.

As time went on, she broke out of her shell and she was just as spontaneous as him. And the two were inseparable.

Klaus had most definitely taken a big brother role to the young girl and he was pleasantly surprised when she told him she was a lesbian,

"In this case," he said with a rather wide grin. "I'm also your gay mentor."

"That's so stupid." She snorted. "Thankyousomuchi'vealwayseantedagaymentor."

"Ha! I still understood what you said!"

"Shut up!" She said slapping his shoulder. "Don't tell anyone else I wanted a gay mentor. They think I'm already master gay."

"You two are idiots." Ben rolled his eyes. "Absolute idiots."

"Leave me alone " she whined, flopping onto the couch.

"Anyone you have you're eyes set on?" Klaus questioned.

"Not really, theres a girl I'm messing around with though."

"Disgraceful."

"Shut up. I get horny and sad." She huffed.

"Uber relatable." Klaus sighed.

#klaus hargreeves x reader #klaus hargreeves #the umbrella academy x reader smut #the umbrella academy x reader #the umbrella academy angst #the umbrella academy fluff #the umbrella academy #klaus x platonic!reader #ben hargreevs #ben hargreeves x reader #diego hargreeves x reader #diego hargreeves #vanya hargreeves x reader #umbrella academy vanya #vanya deserved better #vanya hargreeves #allison hargreeves x reader #allison hargreeves #one lesbian and a gay mentor

388 notes · View notes

ethekitchenator · 7 years

Text

Personal things...

I don’t expect anyone to read this, I needed to get some things off my chest, bit of weight off the shoulders. This is a long rant of things currently happening in my life. I’m okay, just tired. I feel a little better after this and maybe I’ll actually not wake up exhausted.

I want to take a moment to reflect on my year so far.

New Years, as a couple of you know, didn’t start out great. I had a friend insult me, who I later confronted and then refused to talk to me. Now, what came out of this, was that for two (three for the one that insulted me) months, I had no contact with three people that I considered very good friends at the time.

Having enough, I decided to confront them about. Now, maybe I didn’t go about it the best way, doing it in a message, but my message was nothing sincere, full of what I had been feeling, but if they really wanted to end the friendship, then they should just tell me. My words weren’t cruel or ill intended, despite how I had been feeling, just simply, an explanation.

I was instantly berated for doing it as a group message by two of them, who outright said they’d message individually. This annoyed me, but I left it.

The first message was from the one that had insulted me on New Year’s. Everything in that message was against me, it was all put on me and how he was frustrated with our friendship, how he had sought advice from people he trusted about my original message to him and they had told him I wasn’t worth it.

All my original message had asked for, was an apology.

His tone was nothing short of condescending, speaking in large words to make himself sound smart and superior. My reply very polite told him I didn’t want to be friends anymore and that I was disgusted that I never got an apology, which is where all this came from.

I never got a response.

The second friend messaged while I was at work, and considering I had considered us the closest (as in closer to her than I was the other two) her words hurt. A lot. Her words were all emotion, something I had tried to keep out of it in the first place because of how hurt I actually felt, and, again, something common here, she put it all back on me.

I never did what they wanted to do. I never wanted to go out with them. I never actively engaged in conversation. She felt I didn’t try.

It tore me apart reading that, because I did nothing but try with them. I had lost my best friend a few years before (my own fault because I listened to the wrong people) and so I wanted nothing more than for my remaining friendships to last. So I damned well fucking tried.

But no, they couldn’t see it. I didn’t try enough.

I responded to that message, still keeping emotions out it (how, I’m still not sure) and did my best to explain what I felt.

Again, her response put it all back on me. But it was okay, maybe once it all blows over we can be friends again.

I didn’t respond to that one.

The third friend, the one I had known the longest, never replied. I don’t blame him, I mean, when one friend is your girlfriend and the other is your best friend, I guess I’d stay out of it too.

Didn’t make it hurt less.

Now, it still hurts, badly at times, and a part of me still definitely blames it on myself, despite knowing it was for a good mix of reasons that can’t all be my fault, but the thought likes to stick around.

This then leads into my family situation.

Like any family, we have our problems, but when you don’t hear from your grandparents for four months (since Christmas Day exactly), you begin to wonder the hell is going on and what you’ve done. I want to add here, that my mum and grandmother have never had the best relationship, there’s been a lot of emotional damage over the years, but things were always still (mostly) civil.

I called my grandfather for his birthday, got thanked, then got a lecture that my grandmother was angry at me because I hadn’t called to tell her how my job was going. I remember pausing at that, pausing and thinking to myself, was it really my responsibility to call? When I was just trying to focus on work and get used to? After all, it was a very new environment to me, this was a new job, realistically, my first, but I had to call?

I left it and wished he had a good day.

Fast forward another month and it was the first time they called us, perfectly civil, as if no time had passed.

Then she tells us that she had been in hospital, not once, not twice, but four fucking times. With something possibly life threatening. About a week or two before hand and she was taking it easy recovering.

I was livid. It’s been a long time since I’ve been that angry. I almost tore into my aunts and uncle because I can guarantee that they would’ve known, I’m still tempted to in fact, because as much as I hear from my uncle, it’s always me messaging first, but none of them told us either. I was so upset and my mum just sat there with an air of defeat, of acceptance, and I was hurting so much for her, because she doesn’t deserve the way they treat her, she deserves the world for all she’s gone through.

That was last month and we haven’t heard anything since. Should we call? Maybe. But I honestly don’t blame mum for not.

Move onto dad’s family. Last month my aunt gave us news that my grandfather was only going to have about six to eight months left. Lung cancer. A non-smoker and a man that took great care of himself over his eighty odd years and he gets lung cancer. Just…fuck.

Now, being the religious man he is, my grandfather is actually handling it all okay. My grandmother died a few years ago and he had always said that he should’ve gone first. I think he’s made peace that he’ll get to see her again and that gives me some comfort.

My aunt went down recently (he lives in Tasmania, where the rest of us are in Sydney), just for a week to see how things were going and make sure he was getting proper care. Apart from the doctors messing up his medication and spending a night in hospital, he was okay and receiving everything he needed to be comfortable.

In that time, as my aunt is executor of the will, they had that discussion.

We found out from my uncle the week after she got back that he had been made trustee and that he would have control over the house when my grandfather passed. He none so subtly told dad that he was going to keep the house, despite there being four children to be split between, and they would rent it out and split the cost amongst the grandchildren.

Now, if this were a place in Sydney, I could maybe agree, Sydney prices are almost double of what you can get in Tassie, but Tassie would be pittance, and split between eight grandchildren (of which three are his) is completely illogical. Three out of the four children are in some form of debt, meaning that they couldn’t afford to run keep a house if they wanted to, and the fourth one has all but disowned the family anyway, so he’s going to have no interest.

Dad explained this to my uncle, that it was illogical, that the best thing to do was going to be to sell the house and split it four ways then amongst the grandkids, because no one could afford it, and it was going to be better in so many ways. Mum works in real estate, so we have a decent idea of how it all works.

Instead of discussing it, my uncle instead turned to insults and threats. Now, I don’t want to blame it on alcohol, I want to say it’s grief and that he’s just not coping with the idea that my grandfather is dying, but he’s been an alcoholic for a long time. A marriage to an abusive, drug fuelled psychopath will do that to a person.

I watched dad hurt, watched him get very upset as his closest brother did nothing but tear into him, make threats to him, and compare him to the other brother, the one that disowned the family. Dad’s not an emotional person, but I could see him hurting so much.

As far as I know, they haven’t talked in over a week now.

I’m so worried because dad is talking of not going to the funeral, that he’ll visit the grave after and just say his goodbyes. He won’t tell his sister about it either, doesn’t want to add stress onto her and mum and I can do nothing. I’ve talked to my cousin about it, I had to, I needed someone to talk to, but he’s sworn that nothing will be said.

I just don’t want things to blow up at the funeral, which is at major risk of happening. I don’t want my grandfather’s death, when he does pass, to be marred by something so fucking awful like that. My grandmother’s one already had that, something that will make me never talk to that one uncle again, I don’t want another like that too.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this exhausted, I’ve been through it before, so I know how to recognise the signs, and I hate that it’s coming back at such a time. I just want to curl up and sleep. I want to burst into tears and just cry until I can’t anymore. I want a hug and just be told that everything will be okay.

Add in the little things, insignificant things, such as Supernatural, which I don’t really want to bring into this because it feels foolish, but its extra weight that I don’t want. Add in work, which, as much as I’m enjoying having something to do, it’s not what I really want to do, and it’s draining, it’s at the point that I wake up going ‘I don’t want to go to work’ even though I know I should be telling myself otherwise. I’m only there because the system made me. “You’re unemployed! Get a job! Doesn’t matter which, just get one!” Not that the system helped.

Then, and this something that I’ve never really told anyone before, is this fucking phobia of death. It’s what rules my anxiety. Some days, it’s hard to go out the door. Anything, and I mean anything, odd that happens in my body triggers. Any pain, any muscle twitch, it triggers it. I’ve gotten better at managing it, been through a lot of doctors’ visits, but it’s still nearly always there. The constant reminded being the twitch I get in my chest (I’ve been checked, it’s not the heart), which happens nearly every day. I don’t know how to stop it completely and really wish I could. What makes it harder is that humans seem to have a need to talk about everything that goes wrong with them, health wise, and that’s become a trigger too, especially any discussions around the heart. I know I shouldn’t worry, that I’m only 24 and chances are very slim, but somehow this has gotten buried in my brain, has been for about five years now.

With all this weighing on me, it brings up all the other things, things that hurt to even think about at times. The loneliness. The confusion. The questions of why? Of what? And I’m so over it.

Writing has become my solace, to the point that I do it at work because I’m so disinterested in anything else, but it’s frustrating because I feel that I never have enough time to do it all. I have heaps to write and not just fanfiction, but my own personal stuff, stuff I’ve been neglecting. I want my dream career to start already, but with this mood, this ever drowning mood, it’s so fucking hard. I just had a four day weekend and I’m still fucking exhausted. I feel so sick.

I expected 2017 to be a good year, I mean hell, I was starting with a job, it was meant to be the first steps to starting a better life. Instead, so far, it’s been mostly bullshit.

I feel a little better after writing this, almost cried a few times, but that’s okay, it’s better than nothing. I don’t know what I’m going to do about all this yet, but I’m not sure I can ignore what’s going on in my family. I’m over all the bullshit, and there’s only so much of that a quiet person can take before they let lose.

Fuck.

#personal #rant #ugh #so tired #trying to keep my head up

13 notes · View notes

seven--eyes · 4 years

Text

I literally wrote this over a span of about 10 hours over 3 days with 0 plan. its just a lot of dialogue with no plan, just crackhead energy and a lot of romantic subtext. anyways enjoy

I brought back my drink to the bar after a swallow of it. I clicked my claw against it, twitching my ear at the sensation of it’s ring. Hoping somehow, somewhere, I’d know what to say. And by an act of the sea gods, wouldn’t say it in the worst possible manner.

Perhaps my prayer had come true, as Seosul started speaking first. Hopefully without noticing how nervous I suddenly felt. “Anyway, what is all this about your old days?” She asked.

Oh fuck. Damn it you useless sea gods, why’d you make me talk about this? I grinned wide and tried to laugh off my inhibitions, immediately chiming in, “One half of the good old days includes piracy, weapon and resource smuggling, theft or vandalism of government property, some politically related homicides, and a hell of a lot of unresolved, sexual tension. The other half of it is why I’m actually so notorious.” I gestured my hand out, waiting for the joke to land. It didn’t. Because halfway through that, the bartender jolted and froze up. They very uncomfortably starting inching away at the mention of unresolved sexual tension. Prude. Seosul had a similar expression.

Captain tilted her head. “Is… Is that a joke or is there something worse than felony charges?”

“All good humor is rooted in the truth.”

“How the hell did Mr. Sparrow get around to hiring you?” She whispered, shooting me a look of deep fascination.

I shrugged my shoulders. “The Admiral is a good man, practically a miracle worker.” I mindlessly bounced my knee once I started getting into the conversation. “-But to be fair, most of my enemies and legal matters are in Eden. Pretty much the only enemies I ever made here at home is the Manta, and if they try to uproot the shitty things I have done, they consequently out themselves as well. So, checkmate.”

Anchor switched the leg she folded over the other. She swung it gently. “It’s not like kingsguard care about anything outside royal walls or not arcane,” she rolled her eyes, then brushed lose strands of hair behind her ear.

“It’s not like the Manta is intimidated by a single skinny street rat, either.”

“-Or abiding by the laws and characters that make them less money,” she added again, mumbling into her cup.

“It’s a good thing you make them a lot of money.”

...Okay fuck, now that joke definitely didn’t land. She furrowed her brow and didn’t look me in the face. I swallowed damn hard. Then the silence fell, again. Fuck. I could swear I was slowly snapping this stool leg in half with how many bounces off the heel I wore into it.

Anchor gulped down her drink way too quickly for how expensive that shit is. She grimaced. Then set her glass down, having enough of it’s bitterness. Maybe having enough of me, already. “I remember saying that was enough work talk.”

“O-oh. Oh, yeah no I- yeah you’re right.”

Her expression didn’t change. Sipian that wasn’t enough. That definitely wasn’t satisfying enough of an apology. Samael, say something quick. You dumbass, fix it. Look at her you killed the fucking mood. Bring the mood back you little street rat.

“Sorry, uhh- Sorry, I hit a nerve, didn’t I?”

She waved her hand. She blinked a few times and propped up her chin with her knuckles as though to shake off, if not outright try to forget, my inappropriate comment. Strangely enough, she didn’t say anything. Didn’t fight back the truth of my statement in any way. Something deep in her expression said she knew she couldn’t fight it.

I could feel my face going red. A tangle of words gathering my throat and weighing down my chest like a stone. I spoke before it could keep me down, “Soooo, uhh, So hah- I- do you? D-do have a uh, a,” I awkwardly coughed in the middle, “Do you have.. Are you- Did you have a good old days?” Anchor glanced to me, as though the question pulled her back into engaging with me. “You know, b-before I uh, before I got here.”

Thank the gods; she actually chuckled at a thought she kept to herself. “Not really. I was always a good kid. Striving to be excellent at everything I did.”

“Oh, I believe that,” I mumbled to the side. But completely intending for her to hear. Trying to make her laugh again.

Captain moved her hand from her face. She reached for her drink, but without the intent to lose herself in it this time. “I have a lot of family in the kingsguard. Like, just about all of’em became bootlickers, or the boots to lick. But my family’s competitive and narcissistic.”

“I see… Neither of those things in you.”

“You either become what people want you to be, or the exact opposite of it.”

I did the math. “So, your family hates you for becoming the other?”

She grinned as though that was the right answer. It really shouldn’t have been; but it seems I had hit the nail on the head. “Not quite disowned or removed from the family. Just,” Seosul paused, and stuttered, trying to capture just how she felt about the so-called good old days. “...Just, um, the kind that says they’re proud of me and… Asks all the questions. Make all the double-edged comments. Invites me to all the weddings and gatherings. Because if they were to disown me or outright disrespect me, that puts them in the wrong. That makes them intolerant and unloving of me; the other. They have to always be right. They always have to have the high ground.”

I didn’t notice at first but somewhere in there, I had stopped tapping my heel to the back of the stool. I scoffed. “Do you go? I mean who gives a fuck about the king’s dogs?”

“I do see them only when I have to. They never see me, because I don’t invite them. But I still care about some of my little ankle-biter siblings.”

My eyes drifted around the room. “Imagine that.”

“Do you have siblings?”

I gave her a look and slump of the shoulders that should have communicated everything. I tightened the grip of my drink, thinking to myself if I wanted to drown out my thoughts just at Captain wanted. But if she had restraint, so did I. “Not that I… Not that I know of.”

She leaned back and shuffled her legs. “Oh yeah, your mother, she’s in the uhh, pleasure- she was a… Yeah.” She squirmed like she had said the wrong thing. I could tell, she was the one bouncing her leg now. Her hand moved to her hair, pretending like she was fixing it’s appearance.

“A prostitute. You can say prostitute.”

Seosul’s eyes filled with a precise dismay. I’d never seen so much emotion shift through her in a span of ten seconds. “A prostitute, yes.”

In hindsight, I didn’t quite mean to stare at her like I did. I just locked eyes with her. Trying to figure out why the mention of my mother made her so… Uncomfortable. I doubt its because her mom was also a prostitute. Maybe it was because of me? But this is frankly the most tame conversation I’ve held with Captain in a long time. As the thoughts ran through my mind. I absentmindedly held my glass to the bartender- who was still terrified of me and my sexual tension- to refill. Seosul looked as though she deeply envied the bartender as they fled my immediate vicinity. Her posture shifted as though the fleeting hope of escape left with that busy employee.

She chuckled once. “Did I say something in poor taste?”

“What? No, why would you think that? I just want to get fucked up.”

Her confusion broke into surprise. “I- so you don’t- That’s just fine to talk about?”

I made the same long uuuhhhhhh noise she did a few minutes before. This time not out of awkward conversation, though. I just don’t know how to make clever replies. “Yeah. It is.” I bared my teeth in a laugh. “I mean, you just said you could handle my history. You have been my Captain for a long ass time, hell you, Valor, and way too many privates have seen my ass, why does my mom being a prostitute make you bristle like a cat stepping in a puddle?”

“Usually, people don’t sell their bodies when they’re well off.”

“No, they don’t. My mom wasn’t well off.” I could tell that was not enough to add to the conversation, so I went on. “But she loved me like I was the center of the universe. Like I was gift straight from the gods themselves.”

“It shows,” she mumbled.

“It-a-what now?”

“I said it shows,” she shrugged, finally engaging once more. She found a bit more power and confidence in her voice. As though what she was saying was deeply true, thus she said it without a stutter. “You have a lot of love to give. Like your mother.”

I snorted, nearly sending a sip of liquor back out my nose or choking it down my throat. I propped my elbow onto my knee, angling my head back and to the side. Like I was presenting the line down my jugular to the collarbone, and inviting her to take a bite. My eyes sharpened and my brow eased. “I do have a lot of love to give,” I purred, putting on the deepest, stupidest smirk I’ve ever made in my life.

Hook, line and sinker. Seosul gasped, held her breath... Then broke out into a laugh, reaching for her face to calm herself. “That’s not what I meant, come on! I meant you’re sweet!”

I tilted my head to the other side like I was sizing her up. “I do taste very sweet,” I slyly commented again. Suggestive comments; the only thing I was good at, finally got the best laugh out of Captain tonight.

“Sameal!”

That was enough of the sexy side eye for Captain. At least for…. Wait no. Nope, not completing that thought. I waved my hand, signaling to her I wouldn’t make another comment and she was safe now. She huffed heavily, relieved. I couldn’t help plastering a huge, proud grin across my face. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I had to.” I finally caught my breath. Looked into my glass. Then downed way too much of it in one gulp again. “H-hahh, oh fuck. Thank you though. No one really says that to me.”

I felt a twinge of pain in the last of her chuckles. A slight melancholic sigh as something so special slipped from her lips. The stone-cold professional in her wanted a break. So, her smirk shifted into a smile. She decided then that the next thing to pass her lips was a drink.

For the next few hours of the early evening, we quickly finished off our small simple glasses of unforgettable whatever. We questioned which was the best and fanciest drink to get, after. She settled on a minty mojito, requesting a bit more white rum than she probably should have had, in hindsight. A short drink with a deep taste, when you were a sailor trying to get drunk. I settled on a big, fancy, fruity, and probably way over priced margarita. Seosul asked me ‘isn’t that a woman’s drink?’ in a joking tone when I mumbled the name the Sweet’n’Sour Fusion Margarita. I was gonna promptly tell her to fuck off, but when the glass made it’s way in front of me all colorful in deep oranges and reds, I saw Seosul wishing she could have a sip. If I’m gonna be paying money to get fucked up, I might as well get a glorified smoothie while I do it. I might as well enjoy myself. I paid the check for the both of us, because if I were a gentleman that’s the kind of thing I imagine they do. But oh god, did seeing how much that glorified smoothie cost out of my wallet punch me in throat. No pain that the drinks couldn’t fix, though!

We hung around the Deep Serpent a while longer. The hint of alcohol and a wish to have a fun night somehow brought down the walls and introduced us to the rest of the place. I pulled some folks into a bet that whoever won a short poker game would get their next round of drinks paid for. And when happy hour was over, and dwarven folks had their deep glasses of foaming beer and cider low, it was an offer they couldn’t refuse. As expected I folded fucking immediately. Too much pressure. Too many eyes on me that were expecting me to be smart. But I wasn’t who I had my bets on.

Seosul was as cool as a cucumber. Even as her face glowed a gentle red and the evening got darker in contrast, all she did was take off her coat and pull up a chair. She had shifted into serious-mode now, and it took more than threat of buying for drunken dwarves to waver her.

I sat behind her the majority of the game. Eyeing her strategy, acting like I was learning something. Twirling my fruity drink around with a flick of my wrist like a middle class and middle aged divorced woman, noble mother of 3 king’s dogs. “Oh, you sly dog.” I couldn’t help but comment unprompted, thinking about literal dogs in golden armor.

“You’re distracting me.”

I chuckled, leaning back onto the two legs of my chair. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

I watched the game of cards unfold, or fold, hell I had forgotten what they were playing at some point. All I can clearly remember at how good my drink was. Somewhere between finishing the drink and licking all the salt around the rim, everyone tossed their hand of cards to the table and glanced to each other’s. I rotated my head around to read each batch. I found myself wondering whether an ace was higher than a king or not. But what I do remember is that one of the dwarves took his cards, grabbed his buddy’s glass, and shoved his cards into his half-full mug.

“I told you this was a terrible idea!” the dwarf barked. I smirked when he flicked his furry hand free of the ale. And the cards.

Seosul giggled all giddy and full of pep as she scooped up the pot of gold in the middle of the table. “Oohoh, yeah. Sam, can you get me one of those sweet’n’sour things?”

As she turned to me to speak, she caught me right in the worst possible position with the glass and my tongue pressed up against the broad side of it. I lapped up the salt. Acting like nothing was wrong. “Um. Sure, but I kinda spent all my- holy shit!” I nearly dropped my glass trying to catch the coins Seosul shoved towards me. I fumbled with them for a second. I counted, then recounted. She’d given me back double what I’d paid at the bar. I think I scrambled to and from the card table faster than a recoiling rubber band.

“Thank you! And thank you, fellas.” Anchor pinched her index and thumb finger around the stem. She instinctively reached out for me after she pocketed the rest of the gold pieces. Then she stood up. “Have a great evening.”

I clutched her palm now that I had it. My heart dropped and so did my sense of balance. As she stood up towards me, I wavered backward in the other direction before I could decide against it. My claws dug into the table as I fell- digging splinters into my palm and pulling the entire thing topside. Drinks went everywhere. Even Seosul tried to catch the front of my shirt- missing! I swiped for hers and caught it by the tip of the claw. I couldn’t help trying to pull myself to my feet. The sudden yank made her lurch forward. So far forward, she bent at the hip, trying to keep her balance. I saw out of the corner of my eye that she didn’t fail to keep her drink upright, but I was peering through the strands of her hair.

I blinked. I locked my jaw, biting down so far into my own teeth, I could feel them shatter any moment. Captain had her face right up to mine. Her arctic blue hair dangling around the side of me like blinders. Those fancy, piercing sunlight eyes widened. Frozen for just a moment. As was I. She was even more enchanting up close.

“Um.” Seosul finally said, her voice clear and true, despite the angry dwarves just beyond the locks of her hair. She cleared her throat. Like she didn’t know what to say after the ‘um.’ Captain hovered her hand over my chest- and my lungs pressed in anticipation- and forced me to stand. “My margarita,” she complained, “Sam, um, you should… Watch where you’re going.”

My elbow felt like it was stuck into place, and needed some grease to set it free of the rust. I tried to breathe, and was a little too surprised to think about what I was saying, but what I came up with was, “I was watching where I was going, and where I was going had you on the other side.”

“Aww, ouch, Sam.”

Fuck, Sipian you did it again, fuck dude fix it! “No- I- That’s a good thing! Hell I’d want you sweeping me off my feet instead of Gantu or big man Sparrow!” Too much fixing Sipian, too much!!

Seosul just mumbled a confused, ‘what in the great hell,’ as she stepped out of the puddles of ale and kicked her boot. The dwarves behind her, empty pockets still fresh, collectively roared more loudly than the blast of a cannon at point blank. “Hey, if you’re tryin’a harpoon the girl, just do it away from us, and make sure you’re the one on top!” One called out. “Err if you’re skinny all over, let a real man do some logging!” A second guy said. The rest of the dwarves guffawed to each other, slapping their leather armor knees or the shoulder of the lad beside them. Another pointed out how red my face had flushed out. Suddenly, they laughed harder at me than at objectifying women. So that was… a plus? I knew how to be laughed at. But Seosul...

“Excuse me?!” Captain snarled. She turned on the ball of her heel quick. I instinctively snapped to attention when I heard her tone like that, and somehow so did the dwarves. She gave them a side eye, deciding that was enough of a threat. God, I wish that were me. She batted her eyelashes a few times, cooling off. “Maybe we should go.”

I still felt like my whole body was jammed up, my bones lodging into place and refusing to move. Even as my now drenched pants from the thigh down made my fucking shirt-stays stick to the inside of my thigh, I was rendered immobile. “Okay.”

The woman took her coat from the chair, flicked her hair and head back, then moved to the door. When I didn’t first follow, she stopped. She came back a few steps. She hooked her arm around mine; the frozen one. Her pulling felt like a deep sting as my muscles eventually moved, but the farther along the room I got, the more decided I liked it. We stepped outside. The clamor and partying of the Deep Serpent died down when a wall stood between me and them.

“Seosul, your-”

“What?” She snapped, a little too quick and stern. She breathed in one more time, then corrected herself. Her tone lowered. “What..?”

“Your glass.” I raised a brow to her. Shooting a glance between her and the untouched margarita.

“Damn. Hang on, let me go back and apologize and-”

“No,” I protested. “Keep it. It’s your drink and a funny souvenir.”

Seosul gave me the look. The expression she always has when I say something dumb. This time though, it softened. This time, she actually did something a goody-two-shoes Admiral of the fleet wouldn’t do. As calm took her over, her shoulders dropped and her shoulder width stance buckled into a feminine poise. Without another thought, she tasted the overpriced, fruity Sweet’N’Sour Fusion Margarita.

I grinned, facing the open night air. Welcoming it against my still burning face. “I’ll make some street reputation- no, notoriety out of you yet.”

Her lips pulled into a smile. Rolling her eyes, as though she was signaling to me that I really wasn’t. “Is that what you were trying to do, here?”

She caught me off guard. “What do you mean; Make you notorious? No. Not unless you want me to, that is.”

“No, silly. I mean,” she drawled on, her tone annoyed but her sly smile the opposite. “Were you trying to bend me over the barrel?”

Oh, by the sea. No amount of overpriced, fruity, sweet’n’sour adult drinks could have numbed the punch in the gut that question carried. My tongue worked faster than my respect. For myself and for her. “What do you mean?! Bend yo- No! I mean, no that wasn’t why. At all.” Seosul’s eyes squinted upward, listening closely. She didn’t seem satisfied as she took another sip. So my tongue worked faster. “I never would do that, ever. That’s fucked up, and not the good kind of getting fucked up. I would never do that to you, you’re my- our Captain! Or to anybody. N-not really,”

And then the pressure built in my chest to the point I couldn’t bite it down;

“Not unless you want me to.”

I saw the grip on her drink squeeze. My hands flew to my mouth to cover them, and her eyes followed me. Her head tilted up. That was what surprise looked like on a person like Seosul. Her voice hushed in a way I had never heard before. “Sameal, I-…” She brought her glass back to her mouth, but hesitated and lowered it as though the mere smell of it deterred her. She repeated, “unless I want you to,” pondering quietly to herself.

“I didn’t mean that.” I blurted out and regretted it. “I mean, I do mean that. But not precisely in that way! I didn’t ask you out to get you drunk enough to have sex with me. I would never drink with somebody to hurt them.” I continued, regretting it but still going. “But it’s like, that wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen with you. W-without the liquor.”

“You were doing pretty good until that last part.”

“Come on, Captain. Look at me, I’m not exactly anyone’s first choice,” I chuckled, gesturing to myself. Hoping that might’ve been enough joke with too much truth.

“Samael.” She purred my name. Softer and more calm than everything she whispered before tonight. “You’re sweet. I’m thankful I got to know you more closely tonight. But we’re two very different people. I’m getting promoted tomorrow, and you know how fraternization, um, muddies the waters.”

“I know that.”

She took a few steps from the Deep Serpent door, into the night street. I followed like I had to. “Then you should already know what I think about that.”

Something in my heart was brave enough to word what I believed. Maybe it was the liquor, maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe it was how her frame seemed to glow in the moonlight. Hell maybe it was the fucking shirt stays. “I… I know what you should think, but not what you actually think.”

Her faced angled. “Two sides of the same coin.” Seosul gently nudged her half full glass into my hands. She rolled her shoulders back, pushing her hands down the sleeves. She buttoned it all the way to the top while she spoke. Even the top ones. “I care a lot about the crew. I care a lot about the branch, and about you. Which is why what I actually think doesn’t matter.”

Every word she tacked on added more heaviness in my heart and weakness in my knees. I couldn’t help but look away from her, as much as I wanted to honestly see her. I felt her step forward, closing the gap between us. She didn’t force my attention or to move. But I could tell how close she was regardless of how deeply I focused on the pavement between my toes. I smelled the slight hint of mint on her.

“Can I get a taste of that sweet’n’salty Sipian?”

“I… what? Sweet’n... S-sure,” I agreed, reflexively moving my hands to give her back the margarita. Before I could get back it into her palm, she slipped her hands around my neck and below my jaw. Her thumb greatly suggested my head to raise with a small press, and when I did she leaned in to kiss me.

Captain closed her eyes, I could hardly decipher through her heavy bangs. She slid her lips across mine, teasing the smallest peck of a kiss. But when I registered the taste and aroma of her, I opened my mouth and slicked my tongue across her bottom lip, circling back into her slow smooch. Even someone as stone cold as Captain Anchor didn’t resist that. She hung around for a moment longer. Inevitably, she gasped faintly when we separated. She blinked a few times, leaning back and standing up tall. Then she tucked her hands back into her own bubble. I immediately yearned for the warmth of them.

I didn’t ask any questions. Seosul then took her glass, without a word. Only with an exchange of glances. Like she was commenting, ‘thanks for the taste.’ As she fixed her bangs and turned to leave, I felt my muscles tightening again. Like a fight or flight response, but both of them at once, so I just froze. Haven’t a clue for how long. All I knew in that moment is that I wanted some more of that mint. And some more of Admiral.

...I can get more mojitos.

I strode home in my sticky, half-drenched dress pants with my sticky, half-drunk self. I stuck my hands far into the pockets. Feeling some of the leftover gold she gave me. And I took my hands back out. The walk home was painstaking, but it was less painful that desperately calling Malphas Heat at what the fuck in the morning. I wandered the explorer base and in the courtyard. Lingering for a few minutes too long, because I wanted nothing less than the morning to come. I made it to the barracks. Found the first available, sorta clean bunk. I pulled myself into it. Sleep. Close your eyes. Stop breathing so much. Okay fuck, wait, take the pants off. Take the shirt stays off. Okay. Now we’re talkin’. Sleep.

Just sleep it off.

#a writing dabble #IM SOBBING

0 notes