#I’ve had this idea in my head since last Hanukkah and I FINALLY felt confident enough to go for it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

andimack-crack · 3 years

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A christ-mack story: Andi Mack

read part one here

Part 2: Memories and Menorahs

[Word count: 1631]

T.J's POV

I was stressing out ripping through my cupboard I had never been to a Hanukkah celebration before I've only ever been to Cyrus's Bar and his Grandmother's Shiva. Those were easy enough go dress for but I wasn't sure what outfit said 'I'm here for Hanukkah but I'm also here to help your gay son come out to you' luckily I called for some back up.

"I'm here the dating expert is here" Jonah said bursting into my room

"Pipe down Jonah we all know how your relationships ended" Marty said trailing behind.

"Well if I have such bad relationships how come I easily get back into them?" He said smirking

"Guys big picture I need help"

"Okay, okay let me dig into your closet Marty get the make up kit" Jonah said going inside my mess

"Th-the what?" I said nervously

"Hey Jo do we need the razor for his hair?" Marty said from the hallway

"Um yeah" Jonah said his voice suddenly a little high pitch.

"What no not the hair!" I said frantically they both started laughing coming to stand next to me.

"You big idiot we're joking" Marty said patting my back

"Dude you're over thinking this Cyrus likes you because you're you and it seems cliche but if you be yourself in front of his parents you'll do fine" Jonah said smiling encouragingly

"Thank you Jonah"

"Yeah man your a great person we all know that now the Goodmans have met you before anyways you just need to have confidence Cyrus is probably just as nervous" Marty reassured

"But I can still pick a decent outfit because you know don't wanna look you don't care" Jonah said digging into my closest

******

Bex's POV

I had been avoiding talking about Gabriel changing the subject whenever Bowie tried bringing him up I'm thankful he never spoke about it in front of Andi even though she knew more than he did. I just wasn't ready to re-live those memories again. But Bowie wasn't having any of it he kept pressing on and on now I couldn't avoid it since Andi had gone out with Buffy.

"Bex please just tell me who he is" he pressed

"W-who" I pretended play dumb

"Gabriel"

Whenever I was with Gabriel, my self-esteem always took a hit. He would jokingly criticise what I wore or the way I did my hair and makeup, saying things like, ‘Were you still asleep when you got dressed this morning?’ and ‘Your eye shadow and lipstick colours make you look super-old – maybe you need some makeup lessons’. Looking back now, I can say that his comments were hurtful and unnecessary, but at the time I just passed them off as him trying to be funny. Whenever he made such belittling jokes, I would force a smile but on the inside I’d be crying.

"He's nobody don't worry" I said to Bowie smiling but also freaking out on the inside. How did he even find my number? What could he possibly want to tell me?

"You're sure he's nobody? you seem on edge by the mention of his name" he said putting a hand on my arm

"I'm sure h-he supplied me with new chairs for cloud ten last week"

"Oh well alright then I'm gonna make some lunch hungry?"

"Always" I threw a small smile which felt more like a grimace but I saw his phone number still on there I quickly wrote it down and deleted the message.

Occasionally, however, Gabriel would compliment me or say something supportive – in those moments, I would reassure myself that our relationship was okay and that I ought to stay with him. At the time, I couldn’t see that that was just his way of controlling me and to keep me hooked so that I wouldn’t leave him.

I shuddered thinking of all those memories. I had a lot other important things to think about. Something really big in particular I didn't have a lot of time to worry about Gabriel.

But I should at least hear what he has to say.

Cyrus's POV

"I-I'm gay but this doesn't change a thing I'm still me"

I had given the same speech to myself in front of the mirror for the past half hour I still didn't feel as if I could go out there and do it. I hardly believed in the words I was saying. A tear slid down my cheek I wiped it away I had to compose myself. I read somewhere that it's difficult coming out to the ones you love because you've known them forever you don't want things to change. That's probably why it hurt so much. I washed and dried my face straightening the kippah on my head taking a deep breath. I jumped when there was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Cyrus your friend T.J's here" I heard my mom say from the outside

"Okay" I opened the door and went downstairs T.J was talking to my aunt Ruthie

Oh no.

"So T.J are you Jewish?" She had a scary look in her eye

"No I'm just here for Cyrus" he smiled coolly

"Oh are there any girls in school that are interested in him or do you know of any he could go out with?" T.J looked a little confused so I went in to save him

"Hey aunt Ruthie chag sameach" (happy holiday)

"Oh Hanukkah sameach dear" (happy hanukkah)

She left me and T.J alone and no one could see us from the halls so I went in for a quick hug and he smiled kissing my forehead

"Sorry about her she's very well..." I trailed off looking for the right words

"I get it my relatives are like that too" he took my hand making light circles on the back.

"Are you okay?" He asked concerned

"Y-yeah I'm just really nervous since most of my family is here" he squeezed my hand

"You'll be alright I promise" I smiled at him gratefully. We entered the living room my mom putting up a picture of Bubbe Rose I realised it's my first Hanukkah without her.

We all stood around the Menorah as all eight candles were lit as it was the final day my family's rabbi recited a prayer that everybody followed along with T.J attempted but without much success since it was in hebrew but it was sweet he tried. I subtly wrapped a pinky around his we did the same linking them together without drawing too much attention.

"Cyrus" Rabbi Hurwitz suddenly spoke making my pinky move away from T.J's "I'm going to lead a prayer for your Bubbe Rose would you like to join?"

I wanted to but I wasn't sure I'd be able to get through it I've been missing her so much recently.

"N-no thank you sorry" he nodded understanding I wasn't ready he said the prayer I hung my head low fighting the tears in my eyes. Once it was over I was about to go help my mom in the kitchen but T.J quickly put a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay underdog?" He said softly I just shrugged

"I will be as soon as this is over with" I said reassuring him.

I brought the food to the table and set it down pointing out to T.J what food is good and what isn't good this year I made sure gefilte fish wasn't on the menu nobody likes it any ways.

"Cyrus um... I was just speaking with Rabbi Hurwitz and I just wanted to let you know that it's okay" my dad reassured

"I don't understand" I said confused

"It's just he said he saw you... hold hands with T.J over here" oh shit.

"What" my mom interrupted coming over "Cyrus honey are you gay?"

"Well I-i" I stuttered

"Gay what is that?" My aunt Ruthie intruded. That's the last thing I needed

"I can shed some light on this" T.J began with my other family members beginning to listen "Yeah um me and Cyrus we... we are dating"

"Yes T.J is my boyfriend" I said smiling proudly taking his hand "we're both gay... I'm gay" I breathed out

"You... You're both boys" my aunt Ruthie objected

"Yeah good catch but gay means you're a boy that's only romantically attracted to boys that's way I haven't had any girlfriends since Iris I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was scared" T.J squeezed my hand tightly.

"Plus after Bubbe...p-passed away I felt so guilty for not telling her when I knew I could of" my breath got caught in my throat.

"Honey don't worry she knew" my eyes went wide at what my mom said

"How?"

"When me and Norman last spoke to her she told us to never disrespect you just because you're different from us she said we should treat you the same as we always have I didn't understand at the time but now I do"

I was in shock I have no idea how she could of known but at least she did know.

"T.J we are glad it's you Cyrus has found" my dad said putting a hand on T.J's shoulder he smiled thankfully.

"Well I guess I'm happy for you Cyrus he seems like a very nice boy and if Rose was okay with it then so am I" Aunt Ruthie squeezed my face

"Well then all that's left to do is... eat I mean now I feel the need to celebrate" I smiled my family sat down at the table me and T.J had been holding hands the whole time.

And I wasn't planning on ever letting go.

#andi mack #jonah beck #cyrus goodman #buffy driscoll #good hair crew #tyrus #andi mack meme #tj kippen #amber andi mack #christmas #fanfiction #tyrus fanfic #hanukkah

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fanficwriter013 · 6 years

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The Tower Holiday Special - Part Two

The Tower Holiday Special: An Avengers Fanfic

Part One | Two

Word Count: 4610

Warnings: Fluffy fluff. Some funny dialogue.

Synopsis: After Tony announces to the world that the Avengers are in a polyamorous relationship together, things become tense. Elly decides that they could use some holiday cheer and gets all their friends involved.

Author’s Note: As promised part 2, and you only had to wait less than twenty-four hours for it. Written with the salted carmel Sagittarian @emilyevanston. Happy, Merry Festivus.

Holiday Special - Part Two

Since joining the Avengers, Wanda had not had really had anyone to celebrate Hanukkah or any of her holidays with. It was something that she did with Pietro until they’d unwittingly signed their bodies over to HYDRA. She still celebrated, but you could tell she missed Pietro.

Because we were celebrating a holiday, when normally they didn’t, I wanted to make sure she knew she wasn’t alone. That I was her family and if she wanted to have someone to share that with I could be that person.

So on the first day of Hanukkah, I spent the morning cooking latkes, sufganiyot and kugel and left them to cool while I went up to work. After work, I showered and got dressed and headed over to Wanda’s apartment laden down with food and gifts. I knocked on her door and heard the words, ‘Just a minute, sweetheart.’ In my mind as the sound of things being hastily moved around happened inside.

The door opened and Wanda popped her head out.

“Happy Hanukkah!” I said with a big stupid grin on my face and holding up the plates of food. “I’ve been cooking.”

Wanda kissed my cheek and took the plate stepping out of the doorway so I could come in. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that you know?”

“I know I didn’t. But I love you, and it’s your holiday. You’re celebrating ours with us, so…” I held up two small wrapped gifts.

Wanda put the food down on the coffee table and we both sat down on the couch. She curled herself into me and took the presents, kissing me on the tip of the nose. “You’re too sweet.”

“I can’t tell you how hard it was to keep this a secret,” I said as she opened up the dreidel and gelt. “I thought we could play. I know, it’s for kids or whatever, but…”

Wanda put her finger on my lips. “I could tell you were hiding something when you started singing ‘Sucker for Pain in your head at random times.” She said. “And it sounds good, sweetheart. I would love to do that.”

I let out a sigh of relief as Wanda picked up a latkes and tore a piece off. “You know there’s better ways to keep things secret from me. You can ask me not to snoop around. Or there’s Natasha’s favorite. Thinking in other languages.”

“I don’t know any other languages.” I joked, “So earworms it is.”

Wanda rolled her eyes.

We spent the night eating and playing and she taught me the song to sing as she lit the candle. The following day Sam joined us. Then Nat and Bucky. Then Vision. By the eighth day, the whole group had come to celebrate too. Wanda and I spent the day teaching Vis to cook. It felt like something had shifted in the group. Like they’d discovered that there was another level to what being a family was.

Gift hunting for Tony wasn’t as easy as I had hoped. For real, what do you buy a guy who has billions of dollars? He’s not the most sentimental person in the world either. In fact, the Iron Suits and his cars are the only things that he seems to hold on to.

I kept thinking, I can’t just get him lingerie for me. That’s so lazy. Then I got it in my head, the first real date we went on was to Shake Shack. Maybe I could buy Shake Shack. I mean, how much money could it be? It’s a small shack that makes burgers.

Turns out a lot. It costs a lot. Not for that venue. That venue wasn’t for sale. Nor were any. It was a publicly listed company. So then I had it in my head that I’d buy him shares. However, the shares weren’t exactly cheap and I knew he wouldn’t be happy with just some shares. He’d want controlling shares.

So after speaking with his lawyers and accountants and everyone giving me the go ahead because it was a growing business with steadily growing share rates I went to see Tony. Really feeling confident. Okay, so I wasn’t buying him this exactly, I was investing his money. My gift was an investment into something that meant something to us.

So I headed into his lab. He was right in the zone. Hyper-focused on whatever he was working on. I went up behind him and just rested my chin on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his waist waiting for him to acknowledge me. To my surprise, it happened really fast. He immediately started closing what he was working on down. “Hey, no no. You said we weren't supposed to know anything about these things before we did the gift exchange.”

“Oh was that a gift thing? I didn’t look. Is it for me? Did you get me?” I babbled excitedly.

“It was a gift thing. Not for you.” Tony said. “Besides, you were the one that made all these rules.”

“Okay. Well, I didn't look. So it's all good. No surprises ruined.” I said kissing his cheek and stepping back so he could turn around. He spun in his chair and wrapped his arms around my waist looking up at him. It was in this very moment that I realized how fucking insane what I was about to ask for actually was. “I kind of have... fuck... I don't even know how to ask for this.”

“Whoa, that sounds like something I would say.” Tony teased. “What's going on? Do you need lawyers? Your own suit?”

I had a vision of myself flying around and being part of the team in my own version of the Iron Man armor. I liked how it looked and for a moment I was completely distracted from what I went in there for. “Is my own suit an option?” I asked, looking around the room at the different suits. “No. Shut up, Elly.” I said shaking my head to clear it of thoughts of being a new superhero. “I need money. Like a lot. A lot of money.”

Tony looked at me with a mix of curiosity and excitement. I knew what was going through his head. I never asked for money. I hated taking money. He was about to get the thing he wanted. He could spoil me for a change. “What's a lot of money?”

“A hundred million and some change,” I said spewing the words out as fast as I could and regretting saying it immediately. I dropped my eyes and tried to pull away from him. “No never mind. This is dumb. I don't even know why I thought this was a good idea.”

He tightened his arms around me. “Hey, wait. You know that’s nothing to me right? It’s like $10 for you. Pocket change. No big deal at all. I just need to get my checkbook.”

I looked at him like he’d lost his fucking mind. I felt like I’d lost mine that’s for sure. “You’re not even going to ask what it’s for?”

“No, why would I?’ He asked. “I told you, it's ten dollars. Not a big deal. I have it, I can give it to you. I'm just really excited that you're finally asking me for money. Wait, that didn't sound right.”

I laughed and buried my face in his neck. I felt really overwhelmed and unworthy. I don’t even know where the feeling of unworthiness came from. It’s not like I’d gotten into some serious trouble. I’d just had a dumb investment plan. Still, this man loved me so much that I could ask for more money than most people earned in a year and not even ask me what I needed it for. He just trusted I wasn’t hiding anything bad from him. “I love you so much, you know?”

Tony pulled me a little tighter to him and kissed me on the top of the head. “I know, love you too.” He said, patting my butt. “Now let me go so I can go get my checkbook.”

****

The preparation for Christmas dinner started about three days before with Wanda and I, making desserts. We then cooked pretty much constantly all the way through until the last dish was set on the conference room table completed. I have never cooked so much food in my life. There was a mixture of things that included traditional things, like Turkey (there were two full birds served hot and one small turkey roll I’d cooked the night before so Wanda had one), a Ham that was hot and one served cold, potatoes prepared like 4 different ways, green beans, carrots, gravy. We had cold seafood like shrimp, oysters and smoked salmon. There were three different kinds of vegetarian imitations meats, including a fake turkey made to look like a turkey. We had traditional dishes from Eastern Europe like beef salad, and sarmale from Romania and Sokovia and Bobal’ki and Kutya from Russia.

We’d gone overboard but there were a lot of us. Our family group of Steve, Bucky, Tony, Bruce, Clint, Sam, Wanda, Natasha and myself. Our little part-timer Thor and his brother Loki. Rhodey, Phil, Maria, and Scott were there too. I had no doubt most of it would get eaten.

While Wanda and I had been cooking most of the others had been volunteering in shelters around town. So by the time that the last dish hit the table we were all so ready to eat.

“I can't believe we pulled this off. I've never cooked for this many of you at once. Merry Christmas, everyone.” I said collapsing into a seat. “Who wants to carve?”

“Steve should do it,” Nat said. “Unless someone else really wants to.”

“I agree with you, Nat. Any objections?” I said, picking up the carving knife and offering it to Steve.

Steve glanced around the table. “Come on, Cap. No, not Cap. Who are you now? The tramp?” Tony teased.

Steve took the knife from me trying to ignore Tony and started to carve. “Alright, everyone. Don't hold back.” I said when he was done and grabbed a terrine full of potatoes.

The room broke down into noise and chaos as everyone started to help themselves and dishes got passed around the table.

“Have you spoken to Cassie yet today?” I asked Scott when our plates were full.

Scott shook his head. “Not yet. I was going to do a video call in later. Maybe see if Santa could make an appearance.”

“Oh, that will be so cute. I bet she'll love that.” I said. How good of a dad Scott was always made me happy. Even though he didn’t always make the best life choices he loved and adored that girl and given that so few people at the table had a decent father, having a friend who was one made me really happy.

He nodded at me, a huge smile on his face and a mouth full of turkey. “That's the plan.”

I looked over at the two gods. Loki was picking at a plate of seafood like he expected that they might be poisoned while Thor had a Turkey leg in one hand and was shoveling ham into his mouth and a huge smile on his face. “How is it? Different to food on Asgard I guess.” I asked.

“Much different, but it is enjoyable, Lady Elly. Thank you for your efforts on putting together this feast.” Thor boomed, sweeping his hands around the room.

I felt myself blush again. Thor has this effect on me and even though we weren’t strangers anymore, he still could make me blush at the drop of a hat. “Thank you, Thor.”

“What is that on your face?” Clint teased, point his potato laden fork at me.

I flicked a pea at him, my face growing even hotter. “Shut up.”

“Hey now, that's how you start a food fight.” Clint joked. “Do you want to start a food fight?”

“No. I do not want to start a food fight. Do you know how long I've been cooking this stuff? I started yesterday.” I snarked.

“We actually started a few days ago,” Wanda said, looking over at us. “All that baking and then the prep work, and the stuff that needed to set to taste good.”

“Yeah, true. So no food fights. At least not until you've all eaten more than you can physically fit inside you.” I said with a nod.

“That can’t include both of us,” Bucky said indicating to himself and Steve. “Because we can eat about half of this together.”

“You forget there's still dessert on the common floor. And oh my god, we went overboard. Like there is something from everywhere. There's pies and cakes and puddings and tarts. A Yule Log. have you ever seen a Yule Log? Anyway... We can eat dessert with the gift swap.” I rambled

“Okay, so then we need to save some room. Got it.” Sam teased.

“More food for the food fight,” Clint added.

“Cookies. There's cookies. Oh, there's a thing called a pavlova. I had to put some things in the walk-in fridge in the cafeteria.” I continued.

Steve rubbed my leg under the table. “El, you really went overboard here. But thank you for everything.”

“You're welcome,” I replied, linking my fingers with his. “I just... I wanted it to be special you know?”

“I understand.” He said giving me a soft smile. “Still, thank you.”

I looked around at everyone. I felt really happy and loved. Quite proud of what I’d managed to pull this off. “Maybe we should have a toast or something?”

“Think that'd be all you, doll,” Bucky said.

“Alright,” I said, thinking for a second. “Well, first of all, I guess I just want to say, how weird it's been since I met you guys. But I wouldn't change it at all. I love you all. And I appreciate that you all made time to come join us for the holiday. I know most of you already know I call you family, but here right now it's like one big extended family. So to family.” I said raising my glass. Everyone raised their glasses, repeating 'to family' as glasses clinked together.

****

After dinner, we cleared up and headed down to the common room. Dessert was served. There was way too much, but a lot of people do work in the tower so I was pretty confident it would all end up in someone’s stomach eventually. We sat around the coffee table. Some people in chairs, some on the floor. Clint perched on the back of the couch.

The room was lit mostly by the fairy lights and the lights of the city filtering in through the window and we all sat eating our desserts and drinking things like hot cocoa and eggnog. It felt quite magical really. I looked over at the pile of presents and back to the others.

“Okay, I don't want to go first. Who's going first?” I asked.

“Might as well just do this and get it over with,” Clint said. He got up and grabbed an envelope and tossed it at Loki. Loki glared at it, and then Clint, before picking it up and opening it. There was the briefest of moments where his jaw dropped before he composed himself.

“You like it? What did you get?” I asked Loki knowing full well what the answer was, but wanting to hear him say it out loud.

“It's tickets to a play about me. And it's an alright gift from a Midgardian.” He answered. “Does that mean I have to go now?”

I gave a nod and the corners of his mouth downturned ever so slightly. He got up and picked up a big box that had been wrapped in his signature colors of green and gold. He turned around and his eyes swept the room before he handed the gift to Hill. She took the box and opens it cautiously.

“Gotta admit, kinda scared about this one.” I half-joked.

“Why do you think I'm opening it like this? I don't want something to jump out and stab me.” Hill joked. I sat forward in my seat to see better. She opened the box and stared at what was inside for a moment.

“It's not poisonous. You can take it out of the box.” Loki said. Hill looked at him before pulling out a beautiful ornamental helmet.

Sam started to laugh earning a glare from Loki. “Sorry, I'm just thinking about that time. And you had that helmet on.” He said, in between laughs. “How it was squishing your brain.”

“Alright, smartass shove it,” Hill said and turned to Loki. “Thank you. It’s really lovely.” She went and picked up a small box from the pile and handed it to Bruce. “Okay, you can let me know if this isn't something that you'd like and I can swap out some stuff. I had this whole list for you.”

Bruce sorted through the things in the box. “Hill, this is already like five different things,” Bruce said. There was a paper gift certificate, a photo of a well outside a small village, another of a newly constructed hospital, and yet another photo of a condemned building.

“That last one is for Hulk.” She said.

“Oh my god. You got him somewhere to smash?” I asked looking at her. “That’s genius.”

“I know. I tried. Plus the place is coming down anyway, so perfectly safe and helpful.” She said

“I don't even have the words to begin to express enough gratitude. Thanks, Maria.” Bruce said, looking really touched.

“Man, you are good at gift giving, Hill,”I say putting my hand on my heart.

“Should have taken my bow when I had the chance.” She laughed.

“Okay, so I got Bucky. And you are not an easy person to get a gift for. So, uh, if you don't like it, you can tell me and I can fix it. Although, I kinda did the same thing Hill did.” Bruce said, fidgeting with his hands as he grabbed a small box and handed it to Bucky.

“Remember, Bruce. It's the thought that counts.” Bucky said as he opened the box. Inside were VIP tickets to the Natural History Museum, along with VIP tickets to the most recent Neil DeGrasse Tyson tour. Bucky looks at them for a moment before smiling at Bruce. “These are awesome. Thank you so much.”

“Oh man! I am super jealous, Bucky.” I said, bouncing in my seat a little.

“Play your cards right, doll. Just maybe.” Bucky teased. “Okay, so, you guys are never going to guess who I got.” He said, getting up to grab a big box. He handed it to Sam grinning.

Sam looked at the box and then glared up at Bucky. “I don't like your face,” Sam said, suspiciously as he opened the box. His jaw set and he pulled out a steering wheel.

“You know because I stole yours? Get it?” Bucky asked, trying to stifle laughter.

I laughed loudly. “You do bring it up a lot, Sammy.”

“Doesn't mean that's a suitable Christmas gift,” Sam said, sticking the steering wheel back in the box.

“And that would be what this is for,” Bucky said, handing Sam a smaller box.

Sam gave Bucky a look as he opened the box, and pulled out a brand new tactical knife. “Now this is what I'm talkin ‘bout.”

“Because you're a punk that attacks HYDRA with a knife,” Bucky explained.

Sam patted Bucky on the shoulder before grabbing a gift bag and passing it to Wanda, kissing her softly before sitting back down again. Wanda pulled out a canvas with a print of her and Pietro on it. Her eyes started to water as she looked at it. Natasha put her arm around Wanda’s shoulder and kissed her on top of the head. Wanda then pulled out a matching canvas but this time of one of the rare photos of us together, not them as superheroes or doing a public appearance. But just, as the family we were. Jammed together, arms wrapped around each other as Bucky tried to reach out as far as he could to get us all into the shot. “Come here, you big softie,” Wanda said, bursting into tears and launching herself at Sam. He wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her, holding her to him. “You’re too sweet.” She mumbled against his skin.

“Only for my little witch. Don't go getting ideas about me being soft.” Sam whispered.

“That’s what she said.” Clint teased.

“Clint! Stop ruining moments!” I said throwing a hazelnut at him.

He caught it in his mouth and shrugged. “Come on, I wasn't the only one that thought it.”

Wanda sat down on Sam’s lap and curled into him before waving her hand. A small box was carried over to me. I took it and looked it over. “Oh no, if it’s from Wanda I’m going to cry.”

“Yes, you are. But they'll be good tears.” Wanda said.

I open the box to see a bracelet with 9 charms each represents one of them. Mjolnir for Thor, a Shield for Steve and so on. My eyes well up. “Oh my god Wanda.” I squeaked and moved to her, hugging her tightly. “It’s perfect. Can you help me put it on.”

“I can,” Wanda replied, as she took the bracelet and wrapped it around my wrist and closed the clasp. “I'm glad you liked it.”

I kiss her deeply but briefly sending her the feelings of love I had. “I love it. And I love you.” I said. “Okay, my turn.” I got up and grabbed two wrapped boxes. I handed him the garment one first. “This is for later,” I said. He opened it and looked inside before looking back up at me and raising his eyebrow.

“Naughty girl.” He teased.

I ran my tongue over my top lip and quirked an eyebrow at him before handing over the wrapped prospectus. “Also, I made an investment for you.”

“Did you really ask me for money from me to just earn me more money? That’s not how that’s supposed to work.” He said as he unwrapped the parcel. He looked it over and laughed. “Sentimental are we?”

I immediately started to second guess it again. Of course, this was a terrible gift. “Yeah. I thought now you know it will never go anywhere. You’re the controlling shareholder. You don’t like it? I checked with your accountants and lawyers. It’s been steadily growing…” I babbled.

“Hey, come here,” Tony said, grabbing my wrist and pulling me into his lap. “I love it, and I love you.” He whispered into my ear. “Don't go pulling that self-doubt stuff, That's my game.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. “I love you too.”

“Alright, my turn,” Tony said, pulling out his phone from his pocket and opening up a picture collage that he projected out as a hologram. “Okay, so most of the stuff I got. You can't really put it in a box. So this is all for you, Red. You’ll find it in various places in the tower.

“You didn't. This is all… You went way overboard, Stark.” Nat gasped. “An Iron Widow suit, and a whole bunch of stuff for my spiders. Did you build this terrarium, too?”

“I did, super fancy one of a kind spider world,” Tony answered. “I know how you feel about those spiders.”

I nuzzled into Tony’s neck and rubbed his thigh. “That is so cool,” I whispered.

“Thanks,” Tony said, resting a hand on my knee.

“Alright, Lang. Your turn.” Nat handing over an enormous gift-wrapped in Black Widow paper.

He opened it up to find a framed photo of the team in action, Scott in his Giant-Man state. Along with that was a small action figure of each of them. “Oh man, this is so cool!” Scott babbled excitedly. “I can recreate the fight with, Cassie.”

“I’m glad you like it, bug,” Natasha said with a smile.

Scott messed around with the toys for a moment before he realized that everyone was staring at him. “Oh, I got Vision.” He said, jumping up and getting out a small gift bag. He handed it to Vision.

Vision pulled out a weird headband and turned it over in his hands. “It's an electromagnetic frequency device.” Vision said.

“Yeah, it'll let you talk to the ants,” Scott said with a nod.

“That will be very fascinating. I look forward to learning more about them. Thank you, Mr. Lang.” Vision said. He put the headband back into the bag and floated over, picking up two rectangular gifts and bringing them to Thor. Thor opened them one at a time. Both were books. One detailed Norse Mythology and the other a history of Earth from the time he was last here until now.

“That is very thoughtful. Thank you, friend.” Thor said looking the books over. He put them down picking up a long thin gift and handing it to Rhodey. “Machine of war, I drew you.”

Rhodey took it with a laugh and opened it. Inside was an ornate Asgardian Sword with Gold Hilt.

“Woah! That’s beautiful.” I said.

“Yes, it is.” Rhodey agreed. “Thank you, Thor. I'll put this on my sword wall. Rhodey said, getting up and handing a big gift bag to Steve.

You have a sword wall?” I asked as Steve started opening his gift.

“Well, I do now anyway” Rhodey joked.

Steve opens the bag and Bucky cracked up laughing. “A parachute, because you obviously need one. Good one Rhodes.” Bucky wheezed. The rest of us all started laughing too.

“Alright, I get it. I deserved that. Very funny, you guys.” Steve said

Rhodey held up a finger. “I got you a real gift.” He said, handing him a medium sized box.

Steve opened it a little hesitantly and revealed an array of art supplies. He looked up at Rhodey and gave him a big smile. “Thank you, I never would have been able to afford something like this back in the day. It means a lot.”

“Does that mean we're going to see more art from you, Steve?” I asked.

“It's a possibility,” Steve answered. “It's been a while, though. Not sure how it would look. Okay, Phil. You're up.” He grabbed a small box and handed it to Coulson. “I think you’ll like this one.”

Phil opened it and a small smirk crossed his face. “Vintage Captain America cards.” He said, picking them up. “And they're signed. Thanks, Cap.” The two embraced, patting each other on the back.

“Well, figured you earned them. You did die trying and all.” Steve teased.

“Thank you, Steve,” Phil said with a smile. “Okay, archer. You're up. But this isn't to be opened in front of the masses.” He handed Clint a box, and Clint peeked inside. His eyes went wide and he shut the lid. “Holy shit.” He said. “Alright, I already went, so is that everyone?”

“Yep. That's everyone. I think that means Christmas is over, everyone.” I answered, scrunching my nose.

“Alright. We did it, and we didn't kill anyone.” Sam joked.

“That's what he said.” Clint teases.

“Well, that was my best family Christmas yet. Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate you humoring me.” I said, ignoring Clint.

“Even with the birdbrain?” Natasha asked.

I nodded. “Surprisingly yeah.”

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aerialsquid · 7 years

Text

My head is naked.

The Deeply Symbolic Haircut occurred a month and a half ago ago. I’d been keeping it off personal social media because I want to see how people react in person, but I don't think anyone who knows me IRL on here hasn't seen it yet. Please enjoy this extended hair saga.

This was before the haircut:

The hair and I had never been on good terms. If I’d taken care of it properly it would have been different, but I almost never did more than wash it daily and put it up in a ponytail. There was always fluff sticking up, or escaping from the hairtie. I might put some smoothing solution in it on occasion, to the point of frustrated excess if I actually wanted it to look good (it never did, or at least not to my satisfaction). I never cared for the sight of my own reflection, aside when I did cosplay, and the hair was a big part of it.

The problems didn't end there. My hair once ate a round hairbrush to the point we had to remove it with scissors right before a youth group dance, and someone’s pet rat needed assistance finding the way out when I let it walk on my shoulder. I caught it on fire leaning too close to Shabbat candles. I have twice gone through the TSA body scanners, set something off in the scanner, and been asked to take my hair down so the guard could scrunch her fingers through it to search it for…I don’t know, rare birds or something.

I got compliments on my hair not infrequently due to curl and color, and my answer was usually “If you want it, you can have it”.

Every time we took a family photo my parents and I would argue over whether I should keep it up or let it hang down. I always felt I looked bad with the hair falling across my face. They thought I looked pretty like that, and to be frank it didn’t look great pulled back in a harsh ponytail either. My mom constantly asked why I always dug my heels in about the hair when it was a simple thing that would take five bloody seconds to do. I was never quite sure why myself.

…And here we come to #Squid's gender and the larger implications of The Haircut.

Some of you may have noticed the survey I sent around a while back trying to gather information on exactly how people of varying identities feel and react when their perceived gender is socially invoked. The data’s been fascinating; among other things, a lot more people than I expected want to get rid of their chest bits regardless of their gender identity, while almost nobody feels anything besides awkwardness or confusion when their gender identity is misconstrued. It also left me with more frustration, because if I'm not...the thing that I'm currently being perceived as, I want some kind of plan of action to act upon this revelation. Contended self-acceptance of an ambiguous self-identity is not going to cut it.

I finally went to my friend J about the issue. J is trained as a counselor focusing on queer youth, which she’s currently trying to make into a proper profession. She asked me if the survey had a question about whether the noncisgender people felt they were doing it for attention. I said no, because I’d assumed that wasn’t a common thing.

“Not every young person I spoke with felt like they were just doing it for attention. But almost literally every young person did.”

“What the hell.”

I mentioned wishing I could just magically be seen as male for a week to see how it felt, without having to make some kind of big announcement that would be impossible to take back if I found out I was wrong. Using a binder isn’t easy at the moment given my pain issues. I own one and could only wear it for about half an hour before it got too painful. My voice is low but not low enough, and I've got curves in all the wrong places. Winter is good for hiding your physical form under a jacket, but there was no good workaround for hiding my giant barely-restrained poof of dead keratin.

J suggested I finally get it cut off.

“You’re worried about having to buy that ticket to Manland, so this is a good baby step. You’re not buying the ticket to Manland yet. You’re just testing it a bit, you’re dipping your toes into the Manwater.”

“NEW METAPHOR. NEW METAPHOR.”

The place J recommended is a queer run, queer friendly salon on the north side. I went in for a consult to see if it was even possible to get a short style without looking like a chia pet. My only request was ‘a masculine haircut’, no other details. I couldn’t point to a specific style I wanted. I’d never had it cut this short before. I didn't do anything to care for my hair or style it and now wanted a dramatic change. I probably looked twitchy as heck.

Perks of going to a queer-catering salon: Maeva didn’t say anything but I’m pretty sure she had my number in the first thirty seconds.

She showed me pictures of men with short curly hair and talked about the difference between the nature of men and women’s cuts. She also mentioned that if I was going to always keep my hair in a ponytail there was no reason to have it at all, and how it was always nice to see people getting a big change. It was suggested that I wear clothes that made me feel comfortable and nice-looking so I would get the best impression of my haircut once it was finished.

We made the appointment. I spent the next two weeks fixated on it, staring at people's heads in the streets, pulling back my hair in the mirror to try and mimic what it might look like.. Some people I deliberately didn’t tell because I wanted to see their faces after I did it; others I constantly talked about it to because I was unbearably excited for it.

I finally told my parents exactly how short ‘short’ hair would be the night before the appointment. They took it better than expected…took it fantastically, actually. My mom even mentioned that she'd been considering getting me haircuts for Hanukkah as a present. Between that and the hour we spent running around a men's consignment store looking at suits and blazers I'm wondering if she's getting any ideas too. My father just wanted to make sure I did not get a 'really gay' haircut.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

“What, like an undercut? That’s queer woman chic right now.”

“No, that mature gay woman’s haircut. You know, like gay women had ten years ago. The staid one.”

“I wasn’t looking at gay women ten years ago.”

“The kind older gay women tend to have, that really short one. You’d just look like a cliché.”

(NOTE: I’m out to my family as homoromantic asexual and the last person I went on a date with was nonbinary. I think my dad just doesn’t want me in a butch buzzcut.)

I wore the suit that Mom bought me. J offered to drive me to my appointment, and stayed for the entire session as moral support. My knee kept jumping. Butterflies occurred. I expected to be more nervous, what with this being the largest voluntary body modification I’ve had since my thyroidectomy. Instead I was so excited I could barely sit still.

Maeva and another stylist spent ten minutes braiding up the entirety of my hair so I could donate it. The entire time Maeva and her coworkers referred to me with they/them pronouns. No one had tipped them off, as far as I could tell. They had just looked at the situation as it lay and judged that it was best not to make assumptions. As soon as it was braided up for donating she started cutting, no pause to ask me if I was ready. The first one made me flinch. After that I couldn't stop staring. It felt like a weight was being lifted off of me, like something smothering me had been cut away.

When I was under the dryer J came over and murmured, "You know that look you were trying to achieve? You've got it. Also, your head is naked." (She would spend the rest of the evening interjecting 'your head is naked' at random intervals, as she attempted to get over this weirdness of seeing her friend's head shrink by several inches, and it has since become a running gag for us..)

We finished up, Maeva put some curly pomade in my hair that I still need to get the name for, and this was what I looked like.

Look at that grin. Just look at it. I don't think I've ever seen a photo of myself that exuded such utter joy. I feel liberated.

My parents bugged me for daily selfies until Tuesday. I’m getting constant compliments on my hair and now I'm agreeing with them. My boss actually squealed when she saw how it looked during our Skype chat. I've even had several people tell me that I "look more like you" like this, even if they're not sure how to explain what that means. (My friend Drake explained it as "you were dilute Squid, now you're concentrate Squid'). My confidence is higher, my self-loathing is lower, and I feel so much handsomer. When I look at my reflection I preen, smoothing or fluffing my hair, and then wind up just staring at myself for a bit.

The hair's been growing out, as hair tends to do. I feel actively stifled by this thick mass on my scalp, and as it grows my anxiety grows like I'm some reverse Samson who only keeps their power when their hair is shorn. I’m scheduled to get the auburn kudzu cut back on Monday and I cannot fucking /wait/.

(Also yes, I will explain later why there’s a dog skull on my groin in the last picture. Long story.)

#squid's gender #squid's life #squid's face #gender #hair #haircut

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