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#I'm sorry I just feel like I'm losing my mind
azrakaban · 2 days
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Augophile - Theodore Nott
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N: RIGHT BITCHES! IT'S AU O'CLOCK! This is my first soulmate au, sorry if it's cringe <3 p.s. English is my first language but sorry anyway if there's any miss spellings
Requests: Still open <3
Requested by: Piss_Witch
Summary: AU where once you turn sixteen, you lose the ability to see colours until you meet your soulmate. But what if they don't want to see your colours?
Warnings: Angsty (a bit?), injury detail, i villainise McLaggen again <3 (He's racist for like one line and is a grade A asshole), mentions of amnesia, fluffy ending <3
Ships mentioned: Panstoria, Bluna
Dynamics: Grumpy X sunshine, miscommunication, soulmates, friends to lovers, tall and calm, short and excitable
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Soul-mate. Soul-mate. Soul-mate.
Your heart beat in time with the words you'd been hearing all week long, unable to shake the excitable feeling that comes with approaching your sixteenth birthday.
Sweet sixteen held a meaning within teenagers, but a different one for magical teens such as yourself.
Having seen colours all your life, you were only partially prepared to lose sight of them all. You remembered Pansy's sixteenth, when she'd come downstairs crying.
"MY BI FLAG LOOKS LIKE SOME WEIRD ASS STRAIGHT FLAG!" She had sobbed, and you had comforted her until Astoria came into the room, and suddenly colours were visible again.
Your other friends weren't quite as lucky. Mattheo was unable to see colours, he stated plainly, while Theodore vehemently denied being able to see any colours at all. Just fifty shades of grey.
Draco was the youngest of the boys, and hadn't yet had his sixteenth. Blaise however was lucky, having been passing Ravenclaw dorm at the same time as a certain Luna Lovegood the week after his birthday.
And now here you were, in the week leading up to your birthday, saying your final goodbyes to colours.
"I'm going to miss seeing brown." You said idly as you fiddled with a blanket, lying across a couch in the Slytherin common room.
Draco snorted. "You'll miss brown? Why? It's such a boring colour." You sat up, indignant. "It's not. Cinnamon, trees in autumn, gingerbread, old vinyls, paper, vintage cars, antique bookshelves..." You listed, and a smile quirked at the corner of Theodore's mouth as he read.
"I think I'm just going to miss all the colours." You confessed.
"Our little Augophile." Blaise chuckled. You gave him a confused look. "Someone who loves colours." You thought for a second. "Sounds about right." You grinned.
The corner of Theo's mouth quirked again, but he looked back down to his book.
"I don't know if I'm ready." You said, sighing. The atmosphere of the room shifted instantly. "What do you mean?" Pansy said, unsticking herself from Astoria for a second.
"I mean I'm nervous. What if we're too similar? What if I hate them?" You said, stressing. "What if they hate me? WHAT IF IT'S DRACO." You yelled the last part, horrified. The others laughed.
Draco grimaced. "Thanks, l/n." You smiled. "Any time ferret." He glared at you, but you were too busy spiralling. 
"What do you want in a soulmate anyway, y/n?" Lorenzo asked, looking mildly curious. 
"Umm... nice, able to cook, ideally he'd be able to read, but given people like Crabbe and Goyle go to this school, that's not a guarantee..." You said, recieving a laugh. "My friends need to like him, and he needs to be willing to defend me." You said, finishing. (DON'T. MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER.)
"So... the bare minimum?" Mattheo said sarcastically. "Omg, babe, the bare minimum? You shouldn't have..." He rolled his eyes, laughing.
"I'm just kind of praying to a spiritual thing or whatever that they're not an asshole. That would suck." You said, fiddling with your hair.
Theo gently pulled your hand away from your hair. "You'll make your hair greasy." He said, not looking up.
You smiled and turned back to the conversation. "Look, y/n, I find it unlikely that the universe would give someone like you a bad person as a soulmate. I mean, that would be like you and me being together. Or you and Theo. It just wouldn't work." Mattheo said, shaking his head with a smirk.
"Right?!" You said, laughing softly. Theo stiffened slightly, unnoticed by everyone but the elder Riddle, who sat back reading a muggle book you had leant him.
You noticed Tom's smirk and turned to look at him. "What's on your mind Tomothy?" You said, smiling.
"Just Tom is fine, n/n. And I am merely amused by two characters in this story. Neil and Todd I believe? The two of them seem... rather well matched." Tom said idly. You smiled as Mattheo craned his neck to look at the book.
"Dead Poet's society?" He said, wrinkling his nose. "How do they write if they're dead? Ghosts don't have a present form to write with..." He frowned.
You laughed. "They don't write the poetry. Well, they do, but later on. They're obsessed with a poet called John Keats." Mattheo interrupted you.
"Sounds boooring, I don't wanna know." He said, groaning. Tom rolled his eyes as your smile faltered slightly. Theo noted that.
"I want to know." He said, placing his book carefully to the side, 'The secret history'.
You smiled. He had no idea what he was getting into.
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You then spent the next two hours explaining the plot of dead poets to Theodore, who was, surprisingly, an avid listener. He asked questions in the right place, and although his expression didn't say much, he didn't move away or interrupt you, so you assumed he was interested.
"So... to be clear, they were never actually together, but you wish Neil and Todd were?" Theodore concluded. You nodded, brushing tears away from your eyes. A sniffle was heard from behind you, and you turned to see Lorenzo wiping his eyes with a tissue.
"My poor little homosexuals..." He said, looking genuinely sad. You and Theo exchanged a look, trying to work out if he was serious or not, which apparently he was, as you found out later. Theo awkwardly patted his back, trying to console him to the best of his ability.
You giggled to yourself, picking up your book and heading upstairs.
Theodore called after you. "Y/N!"
You turned, looking back at him from the steps to your dorm. "Yeah?"
"You're coming to the match tomorrow right?" He said hesitantly. "Gryffindor versus Slytherin. Matt's been pushing us hard, should be a good game." He continued, trying to gauge your reaction.
You nodded, smiling. "Oh yeah. I'll be there." You said, waving before you headed up to bed.
Theodore smiled to himself, before picking up his book again. You'd be there.
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"TEN POINTS TO SLYTHERIN!" Lee Jordan's voice rang out across the stadium, amplified by his magical megaphone. You looked on excitedly as Enzo scored another goal for Slytherin, taking the lead from Gryffindor.
Gryffindor were clearly starting to get slightly worried, and their new beaters, Kirke and Sloper were clearly losing their nerve. They needed a distraction from the game, to give Gryffindor a lead.
They needed to take out someone who the entire Slytherin team would care about enough to stop the game for a moment.
They needed to take out you.
Throughout the game, Theodore's eyes flickered to you, making sure you were still watching. And every time he looked, there you were, eyes trained on the game and a happy smile on your face.
Theodore batted a bludger at Ginny Weasley, which Sloper deflected perfectly... until it wasn't perfect anymore.
The bludger came speeding towards you, too fast for you to move.
There was a sickening crunch, and then everything went black.
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one week later
"-Mr Nott you need to leave, she needs rest and she'll probably be rather disorentated when she wakes-"
"-I don't care, I'm not leaving her like this."
"Huh?" You mumbled, eyes fluttering slightly before they opened a fraction.
A face swam into vision, looking down at you with a concerned frown. You felt a flash of something in your chest, and then the face came into colour.
"Careful, Mr Nott, she will be emotionally fragile after such damage." The woman's voice tutted as she bustled away.
It took you a minute of squinting to bypass the amnesia before a name came to you.
"Teddy?" You mumbled, and the figure rolled their eyes with a small smile.
"You haven't called me that since we were eight, y/n." The figure said, sitting back in the chair beside the hospital bed you were apparently in.
Right, y/n... that must be you. 'Teddy' frowned.
"Yes it's you, why wouldn't you be y/n?" He said, looking concerned, and you realised you had spoken aloud.
"She probably has some level of amnesia, from her head injury. She's also on a lot of pain meds, and may be a little honest." The lady said, bustling away near you. Teddy's mouth set into a hard line.
"Quel maledotto idiota. Non guarda dove sta colpendo quella dannata cosa, no, la colpisce semplicemente ovunque gli piaccia dannatamente." He grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose as he lapsed into his mothertongue. (That fucking idiot.  He doesn't look where he's hitting the damn thing, no, he just hits it wherever he damn well pleases)
"Uh, sorry, I don't speak Ravioli." You said, peering up at him curiously. "What did you say?"
"It doesn't matter." He said, shaking his head. "What do you remember from Saturday?" He said, looking at you intently.
You wrestled with your brain for a moment, trying to bypass your amnesia. "I remember walking to the quidditch stadium... and watching you. You were very good." You said absent mindedly, not noticing how that surprised him.
"I didn't know you were watching me particularly tesoro." He smirked, and you frowned. That name had stirred something in you... THEO! That was his name.
"I always do, I don't want any of you guys to get hurt, you're my best friends." You said, seeming confused as Theo's smirk dropped.
Right. Of course you wouldn't be watching just him. That would have been ridiculous. So why did he feel disappointed?
"But that's all I remember. What else happened?" You said, looking interested.
Theo hesitated. Did he tell you? Aw what the hell, you were going to find out anyway.
"You were watching the game with Pansy when an unnamed beater on the Gryffindor team threw a hissy fit and hit a bludger at you. I say unnamed because although I know exactly who it was that hit it, I couldn't be bothered to learn his name. Perhaps you can identify him?" Theo nodded towards a figure lying in a bed a few beds down to your right.
You craned your neck to see. They seemed to have a broken nose, and several bruises covering their face, making them look like some strange purple smurf.
"The grumpy lady said I have amnesia right? So honestly, given he looks like a bruised potato, I have no idea who that is." You said, smiling slightly, before looking again, this time noticing the patients name written on a get well soon card. 
"Actually, now that you mention it, a name does come to mind... A Jack Sloper I think?" 
Theo frowned, looking at the boy again. "If he's that recognisable, Tom and I clearly didn't do a good enough job." 
You giggled. "It's on his card, Teddy. His get well soon card. He probably needs all the well wishes he can get, given his current state."
Theo's lip twitched, and you saw a hint of a smile. "Glad to be of service." You smiled, which then flipped into a frown. "But... the scottish lady... what's her name... Old MacDonald?" At that Theodore laughed, a deep laugh that was all all too rare noise. 
"McGonagall, y/n." You beamed. "Right, thanks!" He shook his head, smiling at you. "Anyway, McGonagall, there's no way she let you get away with this." At that, Theo winced. 
"That bad huh?" He grimaced, and you braced for impact. "Two months detention." He said, shaking his head. You sighed. "Not expelled then." Theo looked shocked. "God no tesoro, she was rather sympathetic to my cause actually." You straightened. "Which was?" 
Theo frowned. "He hurt you y/n, I couldn't just let him get away with no repercussions." You looked confused. "You didn't beat up that Hufflepuff guy when he broke our blonde friends name..." You searched for a name, racking your brain. 
"Astoria, and I won't tell her you forgot her name, lest she murder you in cold blood." Theo chuckled lowly. You smiled gratefully, then remembered your question. "So, why'd you beat up Sloper and not the Hufflepuff when he hurt Astoria?" You asked softly, fiddling with your pale cream bedsheets.
"Perché Astoria non sei tu." He rolled his eyes. (Because Astoria isn't you.) 
You frowned. "There you go again with the ravioli. What's special about me? I can't mean much more than her." Theo hesitated, as if he'd made a mistake. "You're not special. I've just known you longer, you're an obligation, not a choice, y/n." He replied, voice slightly cold. 
That hurt, and he saw it in your face, internally cursing himself. This is why it was stupid to be close to you, he'd just end up hurting you with stupid words and silly lies and ridiculous promises.    
"I know. Don't worry." You whispered, eyes roving over the vibrant colours of the flowers on Sloper's bedside. "But you don't need to fight for me, Theo." Unknowingly, that hurt Theo. 
You'd said you wanted a soulmate who would defend you, and now that he'd done it for you, you were saying you didn't need him to. Clearly you didn't want him to be like your ideal soulmate. You didn't want him. And not only that, he was Theo again. Not Teddy. Just Theo, what everyone else called him. Well, everyone else he cared even a little for. 
"I know, don't worry." He replied coldly, standing and leaving. You felt horrible. He'd fought for you, risked his safety, and you'd rebuked him. You hoped he wasn't too upset over it. Something in you felt wrong when he was upset. 
He came back in after a moment. "Y/N, I'm sorry." He sighed. "This has probably been a lot for you. And I know what you're saying, don't feel bad. I gotta go to detention though, okay Tesoro? I'll see you later solare." He kissed your forehead and then left. And everything felt better. (Darling, sunshine)
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A month had passed since you were freed from the jail of the hospital wing and you were flying high, except for the fact that you had hardly seen Theo, given his two months detention. You missed your best friend, least of all because of the major crush you'd been harbouring for a year or so.
You had been reminded of the existence of soulmates, but were still not sure how people knew they were soulmates, and hadn't wanted to ask for fear of being thought stupid. Unfortunately, you were about to find out. Or, think so.
"Y/N!" A voice called after you as you walked out of class. You span, and noticed Cormac McLaggen watching you with an unreadable expression. 
"Yeah?" You replied uncertainly. 
"Can I talk to you for a moment? It's really important." He called. You nodded carefully, following him. 
"I know this must come as a shock, but we're soulmates." You started. "What?" You were confused.
"I know, it shocked me too, I had no idea, it doesn't feel real. I'm so happy, though. I knew we were meant to be together." He said excitedly, smirking. "How... How do you know?" You asked, trying to look indifferent. 
"Well, I know you forgot how soulmates work, but the man in the relationship can always tell. You feel this weird pull towards her, and then you just know. I know you can feel it too." He said, so convincingly. 
You looked at him. He looked so convinced, so excited. How could you tell him you couldn't feel it? "Yes, I feel it." You said, trying to sound convinced. He looked surprised for a second, before his face relaxed. "Good, good! So, can I take you out?" 
You thought for a second. He was your soulmate after all. "Okay, sure." You put on a bright smile. 
"Awesome, meet me in Hogsmeade this weekend then." He said, walking away. Was that it? Your soulmate? You thought it would be more. A magical flash of light, some weird pull... but nothing. But he was. He was. So you would push through. 
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(A month later)
You were in your dorm bathroom with Pansy and Astoria, getting ready for a date with Cormac. He wasn't a perfect soulmate, but he was okay? Right? He forced you to spend an awful lot of time with him. As a result, you'd barely seen your friends since he spoke to you the first time. As for Theo... you hadn't seen him properly since the hospital wing, besides a few group hangouts, due to his detention, which had finally ended tonight. And you missed him. 
"-Y/N!" A voice called you and you snapped out of your thoughts. "Hmm? Yes sorry?" 
"I was asking how it felt for you when you first saw colours again. You know, when you first looked at McLaggen." Astoria said, smiling.
You frowned. "What?" Pansy looked confused. 
"You know, when you look at your soulmate, and the colour comes back into your life after the grey." Pansy said, trying to prompt your memory. "Maybe your memory still isn't all there." She said sympathetically. 
"When you turned sixteen, you would have lost the ability to see colours for a bit, until you saw McLaggen." Astoria explained, smiling. "I was asking how it felt for you to see colours again." 
You froze, tensing up. You had been able to see colours before you see Cormac. You had been able to see colours way before then. Oh god. Why had Cormac lied to you?
"Y/N? So, how'd it feel?" You jerked back into consciousness. "Umm, yeah, it felt good." You said, and realised they were watching you. You noticed your expression had dropped and upped the wattage of your smile. That put them off for a little, at least until you were gone. 
You decided to wait near the library, which was where Cormac had said he'd meet you. Let the waiting begin. As you waited, you began to wonder. Was Cormac even your soulmate like he said he was? He'd have no reason to lie about that. And even so, if you'd always been able to see colours, maybe your soulmate was dead? That made sense. Maybe your soulmate was dead, and Cormac knew, so he replaced him. 
You frowned. That was ridiculous, nearly Aaron Warner level delusional. And McLaggen still wasn't there for you to ask. 
And little did you know, he wouldn't be for quite a while. 
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Theo's POV
Finally, a night without detention. It had been a seriously long time since he'd had a free night, and he revelled in it. Not that it hadn't been worth it, Sloper would be much careful with his bat now, and he'd managed to get an apology to you. Not without Theo threatening him though and Tom glaring at him ominously. 
Although having to babysit a load of excitable and enthusiastic first years was not the way anybody would want to spend every Tuesday. How were they so happy? And enthusiastic? And not absolutely drowning in homework? No, Theo couldn't understand it. But hey, they were at least invested in learning chess, which he taught them with great patience. Tom, not so much. 
He had been asked to tutor second years, and reduced a poor Ravenclaw girl to tears, earning him another additional day of detention. 
Theo slid down onto a couch in the common room with Blaise to his left. Dracp clapped him on the back, grinning. "Welcome back to having a social life, Nott." Theo grimaced slightly, but let a smile grace his face.
"Catch me up then, what did I miss?" He said, trying to seem nonchalant, when in reality, he was dying to know the castle gossip. Not that he'd ever tell Pansy and Astoria, they'd hound him for eternity. 
"Umm... let me think. Oh yeah, so, Anna Dbrovnik in 7th year had a pregnancy scare, but it was okay because it turned out she hadn't even had sex, Lavender Brown has a crush on Ron Weasley, and Y/N and Cormac McLaggen started dating." Astoria reeled off, noticing Theo's face harden and him sit up at her last words. 
"What?" He said lethally quietly. "Oh yeah, turns out he's her soulmate, which none of us really saw coming, and now they're going out. Weird right?" Pansy continued brightly, obviously aware of what she'd just done.
"I didn't know it was possible to have two soulmates." Theo said quietly. Seven heads turned his way. "Alright man, what the flip?" Said Lorenzo, earning a badly disguised giggle from Mattheo. 
"Y/N's my soulmate, and now I find out I have to share her with McLaggen?" Theo spat bitterly. Some cruel trick of nature. "That's not possible. Everyone only has one soulmate, it's written into the laws of the universe or something." Tom said, trying to appear indifferent. 
"So that means either you're lying, which I doubt, or McLaggen is. WHAT A LITTLE WHORE!" Astoria screeched, furious on your behalf. "Alright, calm down babe." Pansy grabbed her shoulders, pulling Astoria back and kissing her head. 
"I WILL NOT BE SILENT! SOME UGLY GRYFFINDOR HOE HAS DECIEVED MY BEST FRIEND!" Astoria said, voice raising in decibels with each syllable. 
Pansy thought for a second, and then realised something. "She already knows."
There was a sharp intake of breath from several people, before Blaise asked the all important question. "How do you know?" 
Pansy slid down onto the sofa. "She froze up when we asked her how it felt to find out McLaggen was her soulmate. We mentioned the whole colours thing and she looked so confused, she clearly didn't know that that's how it works. How did we not see that?" Pansy groaned. 
Theo coughed. "So... if she knew he wasn't her soulmate and knew he'd been lying to her, why did she still go to him?" He said, trying to douse the flame burning in his chest with water. 
"Knowing Y/N, that's not going to be a date for her, it's going to be a confrontation." Draco smirked. The water became gasoline, the fire burning it's way through his body before reaching his brain and shocking him into motion.
"I have to tell Y/N. I have to at least talk to her, even if she rejects me." Theo said, standing quickly. Pansy scoffed. "Yeah, as if she's about to reject you." Astoria giggled, and Theo froze. 
"What?"
Theo, you're almost as blind as Astoria without contacts." Astoria stopped giggling and glared at her girlfriend, who gave her an apologetic look. "Y/N's had an itty bitty massive crush on you since you were kids, Theo." Pansy said, rubbing his shoulder sympathetically. "So don't screw this up, or we'll all hit you to Pluto." She said brightly. Theo turned to the group. 
"That true? You'd all hit me to Pluto if I hurt her?" There was a collective silence, and Theo exhaled. "Wow, thanks guys." He said sarcastically. 
"I'd only hit you to mars, but that's because of cracky joints." Enzo offered. Theo rolled his eyes, standing and leaving the common room, speed walking down corridors to try and find you. 
"WRONG WAY! SHE'S AT THE LIBRARY!" Pansy called after him. He flushed, before turning and running the correct way. 
...
Your POV
You had been waiting just under half an hour for McLaggen, with him still no show. You sighed quietly, before beginning to walk away from the library, wandering aimlessly towards the Gryffindor common room to try check on him. 
You had barely got a corridor away when McLaggen appeared infront of you, chest heaving and out of breath. "GOT- HELD- UP- WITH- UH... HOMEWORK!" He wheezed, catching his breath. Your eyes quickly roved over him, taking in his appearance. You noticed his half done belt, and a lipstick print on his ruffled collar, his rumpled shirt.
You didn't have to be a Ravenclaw to work that one out. But instead of feeling upset, or angry, or mad.. you felt nothing. Maybe a little disappointed, given you thought he was better than that, but honestly? Recent events had dissipated the few shreds of respect you still had for him. 
"Yes, I'm sure homework can be incredible distracting." You said quietly. He didn't appear to notice. "Right so, shall we go?" He said presumptuously. You shook your head. 
"Actually, I wanted to talk to you." You said nervously. He groaned. "Y/N, you talk too much, we'll be late." He said, rolling his eyes, gripping your wrist and attempting to pull you along. A few students looked on at this. You bit back a retort, wrenching your wrist from his grip. 
"Why'd you tell me we're soulmates?" You asked carefully. He turned, shock evident on his face as his hand became clammy. "Because we are, babe. Come along now." He said through gritted teeth. You shook your head vehemently, as Theodore and a few of your other friends came around the corner, out of breath, Theodore in front.
"I could see colours before I saw you. You took advantage of me, and you lied to me. I want to know why." You took a step closer, glaring at him. 
He took a step back, a smirk crossing his face, which you felt a burning urge to slap. "Calm it, Y/N, or I'll think you're confused. You sure you don't need to see madam Pomfrey?" He said in mock sympathy, obviously trying to get a laugh out of his audience. No-one laughed. 
Theo stepped forward, coming to stand beside you. "You can do this, Tesoro. Don't let him gaslight you." He whispered to you. You smiled. Cormac frowned.
"What are you saying to her?" He glared. 
"I'm telling her the best way to dismember you without getting caught." Theo deadpanned, smirking at you with that signature look of his. You grinned up at him, and Tom raised an eyebrow. "You're talking about method five right?" He said, frowning.
Theo rolled his eyes. "I was being sarcastic, but yes, if I was to tell her I'd use that one." Tom nodded and returned to his position against the wall. 
"You're being stupid, Y/N. You know I'm your soulmate, so stop being so ridiculous." He scoffed, pulling you towards him. Theo gently pulled you back, pulling McLaggen's hands off of you with such force that he winced. 
"You don't touch her, Signor Piccolo Cazzo." Theo taunted, glaring. He pushed you behind him. "You don't get to walze in here, gaslight her and act like she's the problem. È incredibile e tu non meriti di pulirle le scarpe." (Mr Small dick) (She's incredible, and you are not worth of wiping her shoes.)
McLaggen clenched his fists, clearly not knowing what Theo was saying, but getting the gist of it. "Look it's none of your goddamn business Nott, just fuck off back to your own country." You started at that, walking forward and slapping him across the face. Cormac reeled. 
"FUCK Y/N? WHY WOULD YOU HIT YOUR SOULMATE?" He yelled, clearly playing the victim. No-one came to help him. 
"She's not your fucking soulmate." Theo said, lethally quiet. You were surprised. How did he know that?
"YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT NOTT, CAN YOU? HOW DO YOU KNOW?" McLaggen taunted him. And that was Theo's breaking point. 
"BECAUSE SHE'S MY SOULMATE. SHE'S MEANT TO BE MINE, AND I'M FUCKING HERS, AND MERLIN DAMN ME IF I LET A STRONZO LIKE YOU STEAL HER HEART." Theo exploded, towering over McLaggen. 
You froze. Looking at Theo. Looking at McLaggen. Looking at Theo. Him looking at you.
 "It's you." 
It wasn't a question. It was barely a statement. It was a truth, unknown until now. 
"Whatever. You were a fucking bet anyway." Cormac said, rolling his eyes. At that, Theo turned, and you gripped his wrist, pulling him away from McLaggen. 
"I don't want you to get in trouble." You whispered to him. 
"Solare, right now I couldn't care less." He murmured to you. You smiled, shaking your head. "I don't think we need to do anything." You gestured to a furious Ravenclaw girl. 
"You said you'd broken up." She glared at Cormac. "Y/N, girl, I swear I wouldn't have gone near him if I'd known you were still together." She said, turning to you apologetically. You shook your head, smiling. 
"Don't worry." She smiled gratefully, before her friends dragged him off, no doubt to violently insult him.
You turned back to Theo, before you hugged him tightly. He started, before he wrapped you into a hug, putting his chin on your head. (Before someone says something about being a pick me short girl, I'm literally 5'2 irl lol I'm basing this off of my height and experiences (or lack of)
"So..." You whispered, looking up at him. He smiled down at you, that small smile reserved only for you. 
"I know." He exhaled. 
"Why didn't you tell me? It's not like you didn't have time, hell, you must have known like eight months?" You said, upset. 
"I wanted you to come to me because you like me, not because we habe some soul connection. And I was pretty sure I was the last guy around that you'd want as your soulmate. When you described your ideal soulmate, you said someone willing to defend you, and when I did, you told me I didn't need to. I was confused, Bella." He said desperately.
"I told you you didn't need to because I hate seeing you hurt! It physically pains me, Teddy." Theo tightened his hold on you at that. "I really really care about you Theo, and that's probably because I'm desperately in love with you." You said, cheeks warming as you looked down. "You feel right. And you were the first thing I saw when I woke up, which is why I was always able to see colours." You realised.
You felt a hand on your chin, tilting your face up before a pair of lips met your forehead. Then your nose. Then each of your cheeks. The corner of your mouth. And finally, your lips.
Your first kiss with Theo was everything you had imagined in your little daydreams before bed to help you fall asleep. Except, this time, your brain hadn't just skipped to the good part, you had actually gone through and experienced all the build up. And god was it worth it. 
He pulled back after a moment, and your lips chased his, eliciting a chuckle from him as he kissed you back. 
"I love you like you are my oxygen. My sunshine." He murmurs to you, holding you close and pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You giggled.
"We've both been such idiots." You whispered, smiling. 
"Thank god Pansy told me you love me or this would have been mortifying." He smirked, laughing lowly. You gasped. 
"PANSY!" You struggled against the hands around your waist, attempting to get to her. "THEO- LET- ME- GO!" You glared at your soulmate as he chuckled.  
"Much as I'd love to see you try fight, love, I don't want you to hurt your friends." You glared. "WHY?!"
"You'd be sad in the morning." He said, smiling. 
"Seriously? That's your only objection?" Pansy looked unimpressed. 
Theo shrugged. "If it makes her happy." He smiled down at you, where you had given up in your attempts to escape and were relaxing back into his warmth. 
"Damn you and your stupid perfectness." You whispered to him, , and he leaned down and kissed you until you were smiling again.
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A/N: My first soulmate AU! GAH! Hope you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment or reblog if you did, requests still open, have a good one <3
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myojinn · 2 days
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You'll Be Safe Here // 2 - Sukuna Ryomen
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You'll Be Safe Here ... Part of Cursed Spirit!Reader Series Heian Era!Sukuna Ryomen (JJK) x Cursed Spirit!Reader tags: SO MUCH FLUFF, soft 'Kuna, comfort summary: After seeing you on the brink of death—there was no way you were getting out of his clutches now. How will he protect you if you aren't by his side? a/n: Since the first part got a lot of love, I decided to make a part 2! I'm also thinking about making it a Cursed Spirit!Reader Series, so like full on one shots and drabbles here and there.
First Part | masterlist soon hehe
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All he could see was red.
And all he could hear was the agonizing screams for help of those he terrorized. But nothing else really mattered to Sukuna Ryomen after he saw you on the brink of death.
He'd like to believe that he was a level-headed individual—never one to be consumed by trivial things such as emotions. But he knew, at that time, he was driven by pure unadulterated anger...
... anger at the good-for-nothing scum that hurt you.
He never thought he could feel this strongly about anything. But then again, meeting you had opened up his eyes to unpredictable things. And maybe that's why he lo-
"Ryo! Hey!" He let out an annoyed grunt at the disturbance currently seated to his right... on his bed... in his sacred chambers.
"For a woman who almost died you surely are loud," he grumbles. He crosses all 4 arms and turns to look away, closing his eyes once more. He made it clear he wanted peace. But having you around made it impossible. You poked his cheek repeatedly. "Thanks to your reverse cursed technique, I think I can go back to my temple today." He swatted your hand away from his face to which you (convincingly) yelped out in pain. His eyes have never opened so quickly as they did now. A look of concern washed over his face while you (convincingly) pretended to be hurt.
He was about to take your hand to inspect it—heal it even. But before he could do anything, you laughed in his face. The soft gaze transformed into an intense glare. "Oh man... you really do care for me, don't you, Ryo?"
He folded his arms again as he grumbled to himself. You knew just how to piss him off. But even though he seemed irritated, deep down he was glad that you were back to your normal self.
He was fucking relieved to have you by his side again.
His silence piqued your curiosity. Normally, he'd have a quip for every move you made. But he just sat there, arms crossed and taking in every effort you made to rile him up.
You huffed your chest out.
Truthfully, the whole temple raid fiasco already put a massive dent in your ego... and maybe your image in Sukuna's mind. That's what you thought at least. So you made it a point to act as if nothing happened. You weren't planning to soften up and thank him for helping you.
Hell, you don't even remember the last time you uttered an expression of gratefulness.
But he also made you do things you usually would not do.
"Ryo... I'm sorry." He sighs and looks at you. You couldn't tell what he was thinking. Well, you could never tell what the great Sukuna Ryomen was thinking... ever. But your gut told you that this moment was different.
Something had definitely changed within him.
"You don't have to apologize. I've dealt with your craziness for decades now," he says flatly. You slowly shook your head. "I mean... I'm sorry I couldn't protect myself and you had to clean up after my mess." He sighed even louder. He always did that whenever you said something "stupid" as he'd call it. "I told you that it doesn't matter. I am the strongest, aren't I? You should only worry about losing if you were in my position. Say 'thank you' and move on with it." Of course, he didn't exactly mean for that to be affectionate. It was coming from a place of arrogance. But, nevertheless, it made you smile.
"Thanks, Ryo. I owe you big time." He raises an eyebrow, a faint smirk forming on his face. "You owe me, yes." You meant it as a way to emphasize your gratitude, but you didn't really think he'd bank on it. After all, the strongest sorcerer never needed favors from you. He always said you'd come in handy one of these days and maybe today was finally it. "Eh? So... what do you want me to do? I'll do anything just don't take the statue in front of my temple. Do you know how difficult it was to steal that?" His face contorted in confusion. No one in history had ever made him do that face, but you. However, you weren't sure if you should be glad about that fact. But you were sure that you loved that statue to bits. Sure, it was weird, but that's why you love it!
"Don't be ridiculous. I don't want that ugly thing near me." "Hey! I'll have you know it's a significant part of my temple."
"Significantly ugly, yes."
You were about to retort when he placed a finger on your lips, shutting you up. "As I was saying, you owe me—and you can repay me by simply staying here at my temple." You wanted to speak, but he pressed his finger on your plump lips even harder. "And no, you can't refuse." He finally drops his hand. "I can't just leave my temple like that. It was trashed and-" "I have already sent servants to clean it up and restore it." "What about my offerings? What if someone comes up and asks something from me and-" "I also have separate servants stationed there to gather any messages, offerings, whatever—and relay them to you."
"Wha-" He groans in frustration. "Woman, I have taken care of everything if that's what you're worried about. Give it a rest, will you?" You were hesitant at first, but the look of worry on your face quickly changed into a mischievous smile that he (loved) dreaded to see. "My, my, Ryo... if you wanted me to move in so badly you could've just told me. Goodness, was this part of your elaborate plan? Sending sorcerers to attack me so I can live with you?" This ridiculous humor wasn't new to the both of you. He had heard insane things come out of your mouth and he would never bat an eyelid. But after joking about him possibly indirectly hurting you evoked a sickening feeling deep in the pits of his stomach.
"I would never hurt you," he said softly.
The devilish grin on your face was wiped clean and replaced with an apologetic smile. "I know... I just... I was kidding, you know?" "Joke about anything, but not about me hurting you." Thinking about others hurting you was enough to make him feel sick. But you suffering at his own hands? It made him angry. He realized he had gone silent and that you were just staring at him with that same smile from earlier. "What?" he asked coldly.
"You're a strange man. You act so gruff, but you say things like this?" she laughs. "That's why I love ya." He was proud to say that he had never encountered an attack before that would surprise him. But the words you just spoke had taken him aback. He was shook to the core. "Shut up... you're staying here. Got it?" "Heh... say that you love me too first~"
You were annoying, reckless, and incredibly childish at times. You pissed him off beyond belief. But he couldn't imagine his life without all of your insanity. He loved you... maybe. He still didn't know exactly what 'love' meant. But whatever it is that he felt for you... he'd do anything and everything if it meant keeping you by his side.
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otomehoneyybearr · 2 days
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The Beast's Love is Unstoppable
Kagari's Story MDNI please!
This is the script version of the story. The lovely @caffedrine posted amazing summaries of Kagari, Matias and Azel's story! Please check them out (���◡≦) ��! Thank you!
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Today’s the day Kagari will be coming to Rhodolite.
There’s still a few hours until our meetup, so to calm my excited heart, I went out, but then—
Kagari: "Princess, I've finally found you."
Emma: "K-Kagari!?"
My eyes widen at the sight of him as I was dragged into an alley and pinned against a wall.
Our long-awaited reunion was unexpectedly sudden, and my surprise outweighed my joy.
Emma: "You came much earlier than the scheduled time."
Kagari: "I wanted to see your face, even if it was one second sooner."
(So Kagari felt the same way.)
Emma: "I've been restless wanting to see you too."
As he caressed my cheek, a warm feeling spread in the center of my chest.
(As much as I want to savor this reunion.)
(Right now, taking him home is my top priority.)
Kagari "...Princess."
(…!)
Suddenly, his perfectly handsome face came close enough that I could feel his breath...
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Kagari: "Finally, I get to be with you. Hold me as tight as you can."
(I was too late… No, I think he was already like this.)
Before I knew it, there was a thick, syrupy heat in his emerald eyes, and alarms started going off in my head.
Dealing with this needy general outdoors is akin to fighting a losing battle.
Emma: "Of course, I'll give you plenty of hugs and kisses. Now, let's head home."
Kagari: "I've had enough of holding back. Now is fine."
Emma: "Please just hold off on... Ah..."
Ignoring my plea, Kagari entwines his legs with mine as he presses his body against me and starts to kiss my forehead, cheeks, and neck without reservation.
I struggled desperately to escape, but he didn't budge. Needless to say, my resistance only encouraged him more.
Kagari: "Your heart is pounding so hard and your body is so warm... It’s adorable how you're so conscious of me, Princess."
Emma: "It's not because I'm conscious, it’s just because you’re coming on so strong—ah, please don't bite too hard..."
Kagari: "I'm being a good boy, so I won't leave any marks.”
Emma: "Doing this outside makes you a bad boy...!"
(It seems like the disliking for doing this outside doesn’t apply to the current Kagari.)
While enduring frustrating stimulation, I desperately searched for words to break free from this situation.
Emma: "I want to be alone with you without anyone interrupting, so please wait until we get home!"
Kagari: "To be alone with me, huh…? I'd like that."
The sparkle of anticipation I saw in his emerald eyes wasn't just my imagination.
Kagari: "You won't go back on your words, will you?"
Emma: "..."
Kagari: "Princess."
Emma: “I… I won’t."
As if urging me for an answer, he nibbles on my neck, and I nod repeatedly...
Kagari swept me up in his arms and dashed towards my house at a terrifying speed.
.....
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Kagari: "Ah, I love you... Without you, Princess, I'd be left with nothing but killing people."
(Well that’s alarming... But what's scarier is that it doesn't seem like a joke.)
Kagari: "Princess, you're loosening your grip."
Emma: "Oh, sorry."
As I readjusted my arms, I ran my fingers through his red hair, and he, much like an affectionate beast, nuzzled into my neck.
For the past few hours since we arrived home, I had been sitting on Kagari's lap on the bed.
As expected, our time apart seemed to have turned him into quite the needy general.
(No matter how many times I see it, this behavior is always such a stark contrast to his usual self that it baffles my mind.)
Emma: "Isn't it uncomfortable to have me on your lap for so long?"
Kagari: "Not at all. In fact, I've been wanting to do this."
Kagari: "Your warmth, heartbeat, weight, scent, texture, touch... It’s all of you. Having you here with me."
(He looks so happy.)
(But since I've invited him into my home, I should start offering some hospitality. And if possible, prepare dinner too...)
As I gently moved my hand from around his back, he held onto me tighter, as if unwilling to let go.
Looking up at me with his face buried in my chest, it was clear how much he yearned for this.
Kagari: "No, I still want to hold you. Please, don't leave me."
Emma: "I'm just going to get the tea and dorayaki I prepared."
Kagari: "As tempting as the tea and dorayaki sound, right now, I just want your attention, Princess."
Kagari: "Are you going to leave even when your kitty is purring so contentedly?"
Kagari: "Your kitty can be quite a handful when he’s sulky, you know."
(I... I'm well aware.)
I still vividly remember the time when I got so engrossed in reading that I ended up ignoring Kagari.
…Only to be kept in bed the next day, unable to get up due to his overwhelming affection.
(At least if I get the dorayaki—)
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Kagari: "Please dote on me... I'm begging you, Princess."
(Welp, there goes that plan...)
Under the rain of pleading kisses, my lips naturally part, tickled only in the most vulnerable spots inside my mouth.
His eyes and voice were so sweet they almost made me feel dizzy, and my resolve wavered...
Emma: "...Just a little longer, okay?"
Kagari: "I love you, Princess."
Seeing his smile, overflowing with affection, made me realize I could never truly win against him.
Suddenly, the hand that had been around my waist moved to my head, gently stroking my hair as if combing it.
It was unexpectedly soothing, and I tilted my head in response.
Emma: "Um, what is this?"
Kagari: "Turning the tables. You could also say I’m returning the favor."
Kagari: “I must have made you feel lonely while we were apart.”
Kagari: "That’s why this time, I’ll be the one to dote on you, Princess."
Pulling me closer, he embraces me and resumes stroking my head.
Kagari’s hand moved downward, gently patting my back in a soothing rhythm.
(Being pampered like this feels a bit embarrassing.)
(But somehow, it’s also comforting. Maybe because it’s Kagari doing it.)
(…I was pretending to be fine, but I was actually feeling really lonely.)
Unable to resist the realization of my own feelings, I buried my face into Kagari's neck.
Kagari: "You're just as needy as I am, Princess."
Emma: "I don't think so."
Kagari: "Is that so? Maybe you’re also just as clueless as me."
Emma: "Ah, it tickles!"
Kagari: "...is that all it does?"
Emma: "Huh...?"
(Come to think of it... His touch feels different…)
His previously indulgent hand had somehow slipped off its gloves, boldly trailing up my thigh and slipping beneath my skirt.
The moment I felt the warmth through my underwear, alarms went off in my head once more.
Where did the gentleness from earlier go?
Emma: "Ah, Kagari...if you keep this up, it won’t be ‘just a little longer’."
Kagari: "I know."
Emma: "So you lied...!"
Kagari: "Can you really say that when you've been carried away the whole time?"
(Uh...)
As I stumbled over my words, his green eyes narrowed with what seemed like amusement.
No matter what I say now, they’ll just sound like excuses.
(If that's the case, maybe I should just throw away all restraint and let my true feelings flow.)
(Just as Kagari was doing in front of me.)
Emma: "...Then please don’t hate me if I become an insufferably selfish, needy brat."
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Kagari: "I never planned to."
Before I knew it, I was lifted and gently pushed onto the bed.
His eyes, gazing down at me, were endlessly sweet, binding my body and soul so tightly to the point where I could hardly breathe...
Kagari: "I won't let you go for as long as I live. No, even in death, I'll always love you."
Kagari: "No matter what you do, I’ll fall in love with you over and over again, Princess."
▼・ᴥ・▼
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queer-n-here · 1 day
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I JUST SAW YOUR POST ABOUT WANTING TO BRANCH OUT TO DIFFERENT FANDOMS
AND THAT YOURE OK WITH MHA
BAKUGOU X READER PLS PLS PLS
Like brat Bakugou x brat tamer reader, breaking down his rudeness until he’s begging for it. PLS I wanna fuck him till he cries pls
(Sorry for the hornyposting oops k bye)
Yes yes yes yes yes yes yesssssss!!!
Fuck yeahhh brat taming Bakugo let's go!
(This was my initial reaction to recieving this req, no shit)
Contents: Lil headcannons bout taming Baku! Hope you like em!
Warnings: Smut, top male reader, edging, mentions of overstim near the end.
Bakugo, his ENTIRE character, screams 'I'm a little brat' like nothing else.
So I can see him being rude to you, too, mocking and joking around about some of your habits to piss you off. What that dumbass doesn't think of, however, is the consequences of his actions.
You grab Bakugo by the wrists and pin him to the bed you two were sitting at, press your knee between his legs and push them apart, holding him down despite his struggles.
"Look at you, all riled up just from some jeering." He says, smirking and completely oblivious of his fate. "What is it, haven't taken you- mmf!"
You cut him off with a kiss first, letting go of his wrists momentarily to rip his clothes off of his body.
Bakugo wouldn't admit it if you put a gun to his temple, but he loves being manhandled like this. You're stronger than him, which is something he tried to be in denial about earlier, but not anymore.
So when you enter his asshole without preparing him, he gives up the struggle and scrambles to find purchase to ground himself.
You fuck into him, making his hips buck up into yours. You hold him down, and began thrusting into him at a pace so slow it has him losing his mind.
You're hitting all the right spots, and the stimulation is making his back arch and eyes water, but its not nearly enough. Bakugo tries clenching around you, trying to rile you up to get you to fuck him senseless the way you sometimes do, but you just hiss and tighten your hold on him, pace slower than ever.
And it doesn't take long for him to lose his composure and fall apart in your hands. He's reduced into a needy mess soon, chest jolting as his breath hitches, hands grabbing at your shoulders so tight you feel his blunt nails dig into your skin.
"More, ah! [Name] faster!" Is the only string of comprehensible words that he can utter soon.
"Oh?" You grit your teeth against the sparks of pleasure each thrust is sending up your cock. "You wanna get fucked, hmm? Then why weren't you acting like it just now, Baku?"
And he just whines, feeling your tip barely brush against sweet spot this time, the denial of that pleasure he knew you could give him so intense it made him see black spots in his vision that he had to blink to clear.
So he begs, he begs like the whore he is in bed, like the cock-addicted little slut you've made him, who wants nothing more than to have you rearrange his insides to the shape of your cock.
You take pity on him, like c'mon, you can't keep edging him forever when your own cock is pulsing with want, right?
So you bend him in half and plunge into him, your pace like that of a wild fucking animal as you thrust into him, finally giving Bakugo what he wants.
Bakugo lays there, his brain slowly turning into mush as you finally, finally fuck him, his moans loud even over the sound of skin slapping against skin with each of your thrusts, sweat soaked hair sticking to his forehead.
I mean, the night is still young tho. Maybe you can overstimulate him next, rip orgasm after orgasm from him till his entire frame his shaking, till his dick is shooting blanks, till he passes out on the bed under you from exhaustion, leaving you to clean up the mess on the bed. Who knows? 😉
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daenysx · 10 hours
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hi angel! what about reader is best friends with aegon and she likes him but modern! aemond likes her. aemond always comforts her when aegon chooses to blow off their hangouts and then she slowly falls for aemond 😇
hi lovely, thank you for requesting! i liked this so much, i hope you enjoy too. requests are open
modern!aemond targaryen x fem!reader, hurt/comfort ♡
aemond can't stand the wrinkle forming between your eyebrows whenever aegon disappoints you.
"sorry, aemond." you say, blushing hard on your cheeks. "i thought he'd be home, he didn't answer my texts."
his hands shake, he curls his fingers to relieve a bit of tension. "it's okay." he manages to say. "but i don't know where he is."
you look at your hands, biting your bottom lip like you do every time you are upset. aemond hates how he's unable to comfort you, how useless. you try to smile after a second, looking at him with big eyes as if you're trying to stop yourself from crying.
there's always a distance between you and aemond. "sorry for bothering you again." you say, giving him one of your easy smiles. "i'll just leave."
you take a step back. aemond would be damned if he let you go. "wait." he calls. "do you wanna come in?"
you look unsure. you probably think aemond only plays nice with you just because he feels guilty for his brother. the truth is far from it. aemond once saw you cry because of aegon, how your shoulders were shaking and your lips bitten raw. the image of your sad face haunts him, knowing how he'll never be the one you care about makes him wanna beat aegon. how dare he? who does he think he is? how can he have you as his best friend and not even bother to answer your texts when aemond is desperate for one smile from your lips?
"i took enough of your time." you say.
"no, i-" and now he can't even form a proper sentence. "please."
your eyes find his face. "you don't have to do it, aemond."
he doesn't know what you're talking about. "what?"
"you don't have to try to fix his mistakes." you say, somehow you look bolder and more upset, it shatters his heart.
"i'm not- i-"
"i appreciate the effort, i really do." you say. "you probably think how much of a fool i'm being by waiting for his text when he's out there hanging out with people i don't even know."
you stop, take a deep breath. that's when a teardrop rolls on your cheek. "i know it's stupid." you say. "i know he'll never look at me the way i look at him but i can't control how i feel. i- i just-"
your entire body is shaking as you start crying loudly. fuck. aemond's never been good with crying people but he'd burn down the entire world if he could stop your tears. he feels a protective wave in his chest, it's urging him to take the step to get you. you try to dry your tears, totally unable to calm down. you can't even look at aemond, how pathetic are you being right now? crying in front of your so-called best friend's baby brother. aemond should have better things to do other than listening to a girl cry over aegon.
"i'm so sorry." you say when you can finally breathe. "i'm not being fair to you. i'll just leave, you can-"
aemond snaps out of the trance. he rushes to you, his long arms are wrapped around your shoulders easily. you melt, starved for a comforting touch. he holds the back of your neck, fingers lightly wandering in your hair as he puts your head on his shoulder. you bury your face to his neck, wrap your arms around his waist. he smells nice. so nice like the rain or soft morning breeze.
aemond doesn't know how he'd wait so long to hug you. he closes his eye to the smell of your shampoo. his mind is clear like it never has been before. is this what holding you feels like? his skin is desperate for any contact, he's been starved for so long. he can get addicted to holding you easily, the possibility of never doing it again terrifies him. he loses his voice, he loses his patience.
you cry on his shoulder. he rubs a slow hand on your back, his lips tight on your head. he can feel the wetness of your tears on his skin, his fingers itch to dry them up.
you pull back, mortified. you look like you're gonna say sorry again but he can't have that. not again. you're not the person who should say sorry for having feelings or being brave enough to accept them.
"you're not being fair to me." he says. "you don't even know what you do to me."
he begs himself to shut up. he'll lose you. he'll lose the smallest contact with you if he keeps talking.
"i-" you start, still in his arms.
"no." he cuts your words. "it's not fair at all."
maybe people are right about the targaryen madness. nothing he does right now makes sense to him but he can't help himself. he just can't go on like this, not anymore. not when he got you in his arms.
"he- he doesn't deserve you." aemond says with a low voice. "but you know that, don't you? you've always been too clever for your own good."
"what can i do about that, aemond?" you whisper. "i'm trying to get over it. he's my best friend, do you see how fucked up this is?"
aemond shakes his head, his hand on your waist tightens. "trust me, i know about fucked up feelings. i know- i can understand how terrible you feel."
"and i didn't mean to be unfair to you." you continue. your tears dry on your cheeks. "i know you don't have to deal with this but you're nice enough to care about me. i won't disturb you again, i promise."
he takes a deep breath to stop himself from screaming. you're killing him. you don't even know.
"do you think the goodness in my heart is the reason for caring about you?" he asks, can't help gritting his teeth.
you look confused. he wants to kiss you so bad.
"you know what?" he backs off. "let's stop this- just forget i said anything."
he stops holding you, angry at himself for being a coward. he can feel the pins and needles on his hands, his shoulders are tense again.
"are you kidding me?" you ask, your voice is sad all over again. "why- why are you trying to mess with me? have i been that much of a bother to you?"
"stop!" he says loudly. you don't flinch, just stay on your spot with fresh tears on your eyes. aemond will not be the reason of your tears.
"stop saying that you're bothering me." he begs. "stop it- i can't take it anymore."
"then why?"
"because i'm in love with you." he says finally. "i've been in love with you for so long but you're not even aware of my existence when you're not asking for aegon! you think you're the only one with fucked up feelings?"
he kept everything to himself for so long, now that he starts he can't stop.
"you don't know what it's like to see you crying because of that prick. you don't know how i wished that it could be me- just for once let it be me who you care about. you don't know-"
he gets on his knees at the door to his apartment. his face pressed against his palms, staying vulnerable in front of you. he is so fucked. he half expects you to run away.
you are frozen on your feet. you always thought aemond was just being nice to you, all those times he offered you a cup of coffee and listened to you ramble about things. all the smiles he gave you, you were thinking he thought you are pathetic. you don't know what to think now.
it's like you're being controlled by someone else when you kneel beside him. your gentle hands pull his face to your shoulder just like he did minutes ago. you stroke his hair, nails scratching on his neck to give him a little peace. he holds onto you. you hold him back.
"i'm sorry." you say. "i'm so sorry, aemond."
"stop it." he says, finding his voice. "you are not guilty of my feelings."
"i wish i'd known before." you whisper. "i never meant to hurt you."
"don't- please don't run away from me." he pleads. "you don't have to see my face ever again but- i can't lose you."
you kiss his hairline just because it feels right. he feels right at that moment, your legs are numb on his doorstep and your fingers are quick to ease his worries.
"you're not losing me." you say. "i promise i won't leave."
aemond has never begged for anything in his life. wishing is different but begging would make him feel like a desperate man. he's too proud for it. he loses all his pride at your feet.
you cup his cheeks, looking at him through wet lashes. "it's not okay." you say. "it's not."
"i know you'll never feel the same for me." he says, words feel like poison on his lips. "and it's okay."
"there's nothing we can do." he replies. "you can't force yourself to love someone else."
you give him a broken smile. your finger draws a star on his cheek. "can we get inside?" you ask. "i think we need to talk about it properly and- we both need time."
"i don't want you to pity me." aemond says. "you don't have to do this."
"this is not pitying." you say. "i was going to the wrong direction before but- if you give me some time i can find my way."
even the hope of it makes him lightheaded. you are willing to talk about everything honestly with him, trying to give both of you a chance to be happy. you don't want to lose him, not when he feels so right in your arms. not when he holds you like he's protecting you from everything.
when you stand up to walk into the apartment, aemond holds your hand. you squeeze his fingers.
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omg omg omg so
we both know how much you're going to enjoy this
but like no pressure and all 🩵
A/N: tysm for this babe, its short but i hope u like it!!
wc: guessing here, maybe 1k?
content warnings: smut, dirty talk, begging, jealousy, girlie is a bit mean, pegging, sex toys (strap), peachy lube because its mpind matty, no beta we die like men
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"Don't."
"You know i didn't mea-"
An exasperated sigh leaves your lips as you cut him off again, taking a tantalizing step forward, the distinct smell of cigarettes and perfume filing your senses.
Matty scrambles to stand upright, and despite his tall stature he feels small under your gaze. Your eyes rake over his body, taking in every feature of it, drinking him in. His shirt clings to him like a second skin, the dark blue cotton hugging him in all the right places.
Too-big shorts hang low on his hips, reaching past his knees, his feet clad in white and grey trainers.
He's truly beautiful, but that doesn't excuse the shit he pulled not twenty minutes ago, his eyes low as you walk towards him, a distinct aura of defiance encasing him.
"She wasn't coming on to me, I swear I just-" "You just lit her fag for her? Is that it?" you groan in annoyance, rubbing your temples. "She was fucking drooling over you Matty, you'd have to be blind to not see it."
Matty tries to stutter out another apology, curtly cut off by you pressing your entire body up against him, his knees hitting the foot of the bed. Losing his balance, you manage to maneuver him under you, your hands pinning down his on either side of his head.
The atmosphere shifts, and you can hear Matty's breathing accelerate, getting more and more irregular the harder you stare, his lips parted in anticipation.
"Is this what you wanted? My attention? Fucking hell." Matty twitches under you as your grip on his wrists tightens. His voice comes out garbled and unintelligible as you trail your teeth down his jaw, biting down right where his neck begins. He hisses in delicious pain, small pleas spilling from his lips.
"Please, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to make you jealous- I just-"
"Don't fucking bother, I saw how you were looking at me, begging for a reaction."
The expression on his face is priceless when he realises he's been caught, averting his gaze in a weird sort of shame. With firm hands on his hips, you manage to catch him off guard, flipping him over so that his face is pushed into the pillows, muffling any sounds of protest.
"Don't. move." you order, his body stills at your cold tone, a million thoughts running through his mind, each one more incoherent and lust-driven than the last. The fact that he's still fully dressed only makes him squirm more as he hears the distinct sound of you undressing, the soft clink of leather and metal making his heart thrum against his ribs.
The bed dips when you finally kneel, cold fingers running under his shirt, caressing his chest from behind. Matty's breath hitches at the sensation, and he gasps, feeling your legs settle on either side of his hips.
Soft creaks of the bed are the only noise in the room as your hands snake down to undo the belt of his shorts, slipping them off him. You decide to leave his shirt on, that extra bit of humiliation only adding to the adrenaline coursing through his veins, all the blood in his head rushing south, his cock slowly filling as you dig your nails into the back of his neck, leaving angry red crescent moons indented into the skin.
Matty doesn't speak, he's scared and so fucking turned on he can't even form a single coherent thought, let alone a full sentence. The snap of his boxers against his hip as you pull them down and off him makes him shudder.
"Don't be all shy now, we both know how much you're going to enjoy this." the tip of your strap pressed against his hole makes a wanton whine rip itself from his throat, filling your ears.
"Please darling I need you so bad, fuck." he moans, his knuckles white as he claws at the sheets, back arching into you. The cap of the bottle of peachy scented lube is loud in the near silence of the room, Matty's breath stuttering at the oh-so-familiar sound.
His cock twitches against the covers as you coat the strap and your fingers in the slick substance, using the remaining liquid to draw a small heart on the exposed skin of his back, a soft groan sounding from Matty.
"Fuck me, fuck me so hard i can't think, pleasepleaseplease I need it, I need to feel you." his rambles make are cut off as you inch your way inside of him, a desperate whimper leaving his lips as his hips buck up against the strap, the cool sensation making goosebumps erupt all over his pretty, tattooed skin.
"So fucking pretty for me baby, taking me so well." you coo into his ear, your tongue swiping over his earlobe as he gasps against the hand covering his mouth, a single finger pressing down onto his tongue. His words come out incoherent, swears and pleas muffled by your digits in his mouth.
It really doesn't take long for his moans to pitch higher, beads of precum bubbling at the tip of his cock like a warning, your hand wrapping around him. The choked gasps Matty lets out are like music to your sinful ears, and you pump him faster, knowing just how badly he wants to be pushed over that delicious edge.
"Fuck darling, 'm gonna cum. Please make me cum- shit- it feels so fucking good oh god, oh fuckk." You don't even have to look at him to know the faint tears that coat his cheeks, rolling down his face as the pleasure grows to be to much, seconds away from painting the sheets white.
"You gonna cum, make a filthy fucking mess of yourself for me? Let me hear you baby, so fucking gorgeous, so pretty." you mutter against his ear, strained moans signalling just how close he truly is.
"I love you so much, fucking hell. 'm yours, all fucking yours." your heart swells with love as the words register, and you whisper a soft "I love you too." back to him, your hands speeding up its movements on his cock as he writhes underneath you.
Matty comes with a cry of your name, spilling all over your fingers and the bed as he buries his head into the plush pillows, the sheer force of his orgasm sending him into a state of delirium.
"You're so amazing for me, did so good." you murmur, a satisfied sigh coming from Matty as he flops limply against the bed. Slipping out of him, you apologize softly as he hisses is pain, pressing loving kisses to the hollow of his throat.
"I'm sorry for being so harsh, I-" Matty giggles in your face and you cock an eyebrow at his reaction, looking at him slightly confused.
"You were so fucking hot, i might have to do it again if it gets you like that." you roll your eyes at his cheeky response, burying your face into his chest. "Don't you dare." Matty's teasing laugh fills you with warmth and lulls you into a welcoming sleep.
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trans-androgyne · 1 day
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hey, thank you for having and running this blog. you're doing the equivalent of gods work.
first, i'm sorry for the amounts of jerk anons you have to deal with. you literally articulate yourself very well and clearly, and still, people will find a way to twist it or not take it seriously. it reminds me of me "arguing" with terfs back in 2022 on twitter. (shudders.)
and second, how do you deal with the constant negativity? i have found myself doomscrolling the transandrophobia tag, and, well, to no ones surprise, my mental health is down the gutter. do you have any tips to deal with it? mainly with the transandrophobia in general? it is more than exhausting existing as a (gnc & enby) trans guy atm, and it's really getting to me. the thing is, I wouldn't mind it if it were non-queer bigots, but the fact it's coming from inside the community is devastating. i am more than hurt. this intense hatred for men and masculinity, queer, trans, or not, is incomprehensible to me. it never does anything good. anyone who says "i hate all men and anything masculine" is definitely going in the "yep that's either a radfem or a radfem hatchling" box. i partially understand as to why- i had a fear of men myself when i still identified as a girl, and slipped into the "all men bad. kill" side of the internet for a short while but ONLY because of this rhetoric ("you need to be afraid because there are men outside." , "men and masculinity are inherently predatory or dangerous")- but i got out of it because i saw how fucked it was eventually (thank goodness)- but nothing should ever be an excuse to excessively hate a gender or masculinity this badly. and its mostly gender essentialist bs anyways imo, so i do not understand it at all...it reminds me of people saying men/mascs cant be asexual because it's "in their nature to be sexual"- because testosterone. its hard. i just wish we all could respect each other. you're either "one of the bad bad evil men" or "noooooo not YOU. you're AFAB!! never!! youre a girl/woman in spirit!!" from my personal experience with terfs/radfems/idiots.
anyways, sorry for invading your anon space with this long rant, but i just wanted to leave this and the question. i hope you have a nice day/night, and thank you for reporting on transandrophobia as much as you do. it's sadly very much needed right now.
Thank you so much, this is such a kind ask to receive. To be honest with you: I don’t handle my mental health very well around it </3 It’s weighed on me pretty heavily these last few months especially. The things keeping me running this blog anyway are my passion for the transmasc community and lovely anons like yourself cheering me up. When it comes to trying to manage it, the most important thing for me has been finding people I can vent to about it who will understand. I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful discord server full of awesome trans people who will talk it through with me, and that’s been a life-saver. Staying offline for a bit and trying to engage in person with people who are unlikely to be transandrophobic towards you can be a nice relief. I catch myself doomscrolling constantly too, and it doesn’t feel great. If you need to set some sort of time limit on your phone even just to remind yourself not to do it, that’s helped me before and might help you too.
Having this much hatred levied at me for my identity from my own community lately has been devastating. I completely understand you. I’ve always been vocal about supporting transfems in particular, so it really hurts to see so many turn against me for speaking up. I understand how the queer community got this way, though. Antimasculinism has been an issue in queer and feminist spaces for ages. I think people are starting to notice it more and understand why it sucks and how much it negatively affects trans men and mascs. It feels like a losing battle sometimes with how much cultural feminism — the Men Bad Women Good flavor of pop feminism — has pervaded our communities and often led to very overt radical feminism that people still can’t always recognize because they don’t know anything about TERFs outside of them hating trans women. I believe the culture will start to shift soon such that people are able to recognize sexism and gender essentialism that harms all genders, and I will be doing my part to help that happen.
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quietblissxx · 6 months
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God, the intimacy of Astarion feeding from you.
Astarion drinking from your neck as he pulls your body closer to his in bed, his chest up against your back, his arms wrapped around your waist. It's a casual thing, now, his whispered can I? and your answering nod, as much a part of your bedtime routine as your bath or his curl care. You sigh as his fangs pierce your skin and his fingers flex against your stomach. His breath hitches when the taste of you hits his tongue, and that's familiar too, the physicality of it, the noises he makes low in his throat as he drinks, the way he grows warmer against you as your blood begins to flow through his veins. Nothing else makes you feel so heady, so intoxicated- so comforted.
Astarion drinking from your wrist when he’s starving for it and can’t wait to get you more comfortable. Pulling him into an alleyway one night on the way home from the Elfsong because you can see how badly he's craving in the way he can't keep his eyes off of the pulse point in your neck. He seizes your arm with both hands (can I? Yes-), bringing the soft skin on the inside of your wrist to his lips. He has just enough presence of mind to kiss the heel of your hand distractedly before he bites, fangs sliding through your skin and into the vein. The sound he makes can only be described as a growl, something feral and possessive (and you'll never tell him that it turns you on, since he would be insufferable about it- a promise to yourself that lasts exactly as long as the space between the moment and the next time you're tipsy and want him).
(NSFW Below!)
Astarion drinking from your inner thigh, one hand holding your leg steady and the other cupping your cunt. You groan, eyes shut in pleasure, as his thumb comes to rub your clit. The pain of the bite is barely pain this way- it collides with the pleasure in your belly and sends you almost out of your mind, overwhelmed with sensation and heat. He takes you all the way there, takes just enough from you to have you relaxed and pliant and soaring somewhere above your own body, plays you like an instrument with all the knowledge of you he's gathered over the months, the years. He knows when you're close, knows to crook his fingers inside you just so, knows the reaction he's going to get when he pulls away from your thigh for just a moment and looks up at you with dark eyes and tells you to come for him, he wants to see it, you fall apart so beautifully and it's all for him, isn't it, tell him how good he makes you feel and when you climax with his voice in your ear and the scent of blood on the air he has the audacity to laugh at how well he understands you, your body.
He's soft, after, softer than he'll ever be with anyone who isn't you. He licks you clean before he takes you to the bath, carrying you with the strength your lifeblood gives him. It's the least he can do for you, with everything you've given him: not just your body, but your trust, your closeness, and he will never stop being grateful.
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fernsnailz · 8 months
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been reading through various usps reviews this morning and i've started to notice some trends
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thekittyokat · 20 days
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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thatonegayship · 7 months
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I loved the cowboy comic so much that I wrote a oneshot for it. https://archiveofourown.org/works/50934235 🥺 your art is BEYOND amazing, ty for the food
INCREDIBLE!!!!!
#billdip#I honestly loved this story start to finish with the ambience and quick pace#hadn't considered the possibility of Bill and Dipper actually working *together* but it's always a good time when they do ❤️#sorry it took so long to reblog 🥲#I read it like- Right when you posted. But I had to catch a plane and then drive an extra hour home and immediately get on zoom for class#and today i was just all around exhausted so i slept roughly 70% of the entire day dndsjdndnd#all that to say that I had your fic in the back of my mind and I very much wanted to set some time aside and re-read it when I got the chan#honestly with how well you set things up I would've loved to see your own rendition of their first kiss#You established their relationship really well at the start and brought them together by the end after outsmsrtong those bandits#it feels like you have a better understanding of who they are to each other than even i do 😌 very much a fan#i love when stories incorporate those sort of 'habits' that the love interests fall into#that confuses character A while character B is so clearly using it as an excuse to get close and spend more time with them#i squealed like a maniac when Bill was like oooph lemme walk you home 😏🤠#sir i am going to wrangle you up if you don't compose yourself#and Dipper's just wary of him because people as handsome as bill used to pick on him 😢#little does he know he's grown into a 10/10 cutie patootie that any cowboy would be stupid NOT to smooch#I'm a simple man. I read oblivious low-confidence cowboy being pursued by a hottie on a horse. I lose my shit#Awesome wonderful writing!!! so happy to have caught your eye and i hope to continue pumping out content for this wonderfully weird ship
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aro-culture-is · 1 year
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Aro culture is having not a single fucking clue what to say when your coworkers start talking about relationships. Like how am I supposed to contribute to this conversation. I can’t tell you about my nonexistent partner. I can’t whine about how I haven’t found anybody I don’t want. I can only say “oh that’s cool” and “damn sorry about that” so many times. And now I look awkward and standoffish.
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#Anonymous#aro culture is#aro#aromantic#actually aro#actually aromantic#ask#mod kee#honestly i think the best way to add to that#is like... ask about plans and things they like to do together#talk about details#like... say ur coworkers are talking about a date night#you can ask where they went for food and respond with stuff about like. oh have you been to such-and-such place - they've got the best#[similar food style]#or like. just... find a point of connection to the topics that aren't just the relationships#though i'd generally advise leading with a question that includes the relationship so it feels less like an intentional topic change#and for the 'damn i'm sorry about that' types of convos#consider if you've ever had a similar situation in some way.#like... 'wow ngl if i were doing a project with him i'd be losing my damn mind. is he always like this?'#also sometimes it helps to create a topic#like... bring in homemade food and talk about how you found the recipe and thought they'd like it#or like... if u have some sort of hobby you can talk about how you've been working on a project or w/e with that recently#you can also redirect to that stuff! like ur coworker is talking about having a date night -> oh that's neat! personally i'm really excited#to work on my embroidery project - have i shown you any pictures?#or say they're talking about a fight in their relationship - 'that's so stressful! you should do something for yourself - do you read?#i've been reading xyz book - maybe you'd like it?'#overall like. acknowledge their topic and validate their emotions -> handshake it to a similar but more relatable topic
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liamlawsonlesbian · 2 months
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fictionadventurer · 5 months
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After very little research into the other writings of Laura Ingalls Wilder and Rose Wilder Lane, my hypothesis about the Little House authorship question is that the writing is mostly Rose's, but the heart is Laura's.
In Laura's newspaper columns, the parts that sound most like Little House mostly come from the extracts she shares from Rose's letters (incidentally, it's kind of adorable how proud she is of Rose: "My daughter's in France!", "My daughter's in Albania!", etc.) The prose of Old Home Town, Rose's inspired-by-my-childhood-home novel, has some of the same concise descriptive prose that I've come to associate with the Little House style (I could hear passages in the voice of the Little House audiobook narrator).
Yet the Little House soul is all over Laura's columns. She's fascinated by the simple tasks of life, believes in home and family and hard work, believes in holding onto the goodness of childhood and looking forward with hope toward the future. There's an optimism, almost a romanticism, about life. The children's series that bears her name clearly comes from the same woman.
Rose, by contrast, is much more pessimistic. When writing about childhood, she's almost cynical about the life of a small town. She highlights the dark stories underlying the wholesome exterior, is extremely sensitive to the pitfalls of the social scene around her. Part of the difference is that Rose is writing for adults, but there does seem to be an essential difference in the personality behind the pen, despite the stylistic similarities to Little House.
(At the risk of pop psychoanalyzing people long dead, Rose seems much more neurotic and introverted and sensitive than her mother. In her writings and in the books about her childhood in Missouri, she comes across as child of a fairly comfortable modern life, with all the modern anxieties, in contrast to a woman who grew up starving on the prairie and knows that there are much worse things to endure than small-town gossip).
It's not much of a thesis, but I'm just fascinated by the fact that the Little House series can share so many stylistic similarities with Rose's writings, yet feel so much more like Laura.
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ride-a-dromedary · 2 months
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There is never a time I am not thinking about the kiss from the Crimp adaptation or Cyrano, specifically the 2019 filmed version, but it's the way James McAvoy's entire body *freezes* on the second attempt; he shakes his head, his mouth opens and his lip curls like he wants to recoil but he *tilts his jaw up* as Eben Figueiredo continues to move closer. And they both pause in that position where their teeth are slotted together but their lips aren't moving, they just tremble, and then when Christian goes for it and fully commits and grabs his face so he can't run away and can't hide, Cyrano's expression *melts* and it's *bliss* a moment, confliction the next; and for all Cyrano tried to deny the beginning, he's the one who clutches onto Christian's arm to keep him close. *He's* the one who follows after him when he rips away, and when they part it's violent with its reluctance and denial and hurt and *realization*...
And I just think that's neat, you know?
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